ed990225.
qxd 26/02/99 13:24
25/02/99 The University
Election
Analysis
The Final Hours
p8-9
The Boy D(one) Good!
fter four hours of
A nail biting tension
the excitement and
expectation in Wates House
grew to a crescendo. 12 stu-
dents stood with baited
breath, waiting for the
words that would decide the
next 12 months of their
lives.
The 1999 Students’ Union
Election came to it’s grand
finale last Friday. When the
polls closed at 3pm all con-
cerned retired to bar of
Wates House while the votes
were counted. The account
of those “final hours”, writ-
ten in the candidates own
words can be found in the
election special on the cen-
tre pages of this issue.
Eventually, weary but smug-
ly all knowing, the vote
counters emerged from their
bunker. All present crowded
around, anxious to hear the
decisions of the Surrey elec-
torate. Not surprisingly
Returning Officer Celine
Gordine-Wright had lost her
voice and she deferred
responsibility for announc-
ing the result to
Ben Mac
Andy Blair
News 1&2 n Features 3 n Union 4 n Accommodation 5 n Entertainments Guide 7
Elections 8/9 n Music 10/11 n What’s On 12 n Comedy 13 n Personals 14 n Surrey Pride 15/16
STUDENT COUNCIL - Tonight - Thursday - 6pm - LTD
Page 1 (1,1)
The House
Hunter’s Diary
A look at the problems of
finding accommodation p5
Communications Officer
Tom Sherwen.
Methodically yet with a
sense of the drama Tom read
out the results. As the win-
ners became apparent, the
common bond of apprehen-
sion divided into camps of
jubilation and commisera-
tion. Roars of approval were
mirrored by groans and
shaken heads. As the victors
cheered, the defeated stood
with tears in their eyes.
Dan Taylor, Ben McCauley
and Shelly Hygate, all run-
ning for position of Sports
Officer were huddled
together in a group hug as
the announcements came.
Dan couldn’t bear to watch.
When it emerged he had
lost, Ben, the winner was
the first to literally give him
a shoulder to cry on.
The outcome of the
Presidential election was
saved until last. Following
the first count it became clear
that it was a two horse race
between Ewen Ferguson and
Ben Davis (Boy D). The
crowd dominated by the
Ben Davis
of Surrey Students’ Newspaper
Rugby Club erupted when it
emerged that their captain
Ben had clinched it.
Meanwhile Ewen stood dig-
nified in defeat. Nothing his
supporters could do or say
mattered anymore.
Other Sabbatical election
winners were confirmed as:
Communications & of times it was the worst of
Marketing: Andy Blair,
Finance & Societies:
Marcus Mayers, Student
Support & Development:
Sarah McGuire, Education
& Welfare Emma Sale. The
title of NUS delegation
leader was bestowed upon
current Union President
Harriet Sims. The incredible
result of a 97% Yes To NUS
vote was also delivered.
Once the results were fin-
ished the winners rushed out-
side to celebrate with cham-
pagne. The losers either
melted away or hung around
to drown their sorrows. Once
the initial euphoria and shock
had died down we managed
to get a few quotes.
Firstly the triumphant: Ben
McCauley, Sports Officer
Marcus Mayers Emma Sale
Sarah Maguire
N o 958
Big
Mac:
Surrey Pride
Star Profile p15
(elect) shouted over the noise
of his supporters: "I'm just
glad it's all over. I feel so sorry
for those who didn't win
because it was such a good
campaign." His rugby squad
team mate and President to be
Ben Davis quoted Charles
Dickens as his assessment of
the elections: "It was the best
times, but it was worth it."
After two weeks of intensive
campaigning, future Finance
& Societies Officer Marcus
Mayers could only say he was
“emotional”. Sarah McGuire
was “happy on the one hand”
about becoming Support &
Development Officer “but dis-
appointed for the other people
who didn’t win.”. “Can we
have 12 sabbaticals next
year?!" she suggested wildly.
The unsuccessful candidates
were harder to track down as
they crept away from the
limelight. 2nd placed presi-
dential candidate Ewen Ben Davis - The President Elect
Ferguson spoke about his
failed bid for the top job: "I Thompson also had his ing but excellent, brilliant
would have regretted not future mapped out: "I'm fun." Sabbatical Tom
going for it” he said “I might going to Africa to work for Sherwen who worked exten-
travel now instead." 3rd Oxfam”. Nick Walsh who sively with Celine to ensure
position man Kyle ran for Communications & the election’s success com-
Marketing Officer and was mented “Brilliant elections...
the only 2nd year involved an exciting result but not
said “I’m relieved-it’s a enough nudity. My heart goes
weight off my mind but it’s out to those who didn't win."
been great fun as well.”
The newly elected
Union President, Harriet Sabbaticals will begin their
Sims who went through the jobs in June and work along
election ordeal 12 months side the present team for a
ago said "It just takes me hand over period of one
back to last year. It's horrible month. However they are
for all the candidates who already becoming involved
didn't get elected and it's in top Union decisions.
great for those that did" These include the Colours
Ball and redesigning the
Celine, the Returning Officer layout of the sabbatical
thanked all the candidates for office complex.
taking part. Talking about her
own job she said “It was tir- by James Buller
ed990225.qxd 26/02/99 13:24 Page 2 (1,1)
2 25/02/99
An Open Letter from the Returning Officer
would like to thank every-
Editor
Tom Sherwen
(su-comms@surrey.ac.uk)
I one who got involved in the
1999 Sabbatical and NUS
elections, whether as candi-
dates, campaigners or voters. I
believe the elections went very
Deputy Editor smoothly and I would like to
take this opportunity to con-
Vacant gratulate our new Sabbaticals
and our NUS delegates, and
Arts Editor commiserate those who missed
out.
Daniel Jones
(ps51dj@surrey.ac.uk) In response to a couple of per-
sonals in last week’s BareFacts,
I would like to inform you that
News Editor as returning officer I worked
James Buller hard to ensure that as many
placement students as possible
(ma71jb@surrey.ac.uk)
received voting forms, and this
Features Editor
Nick Walsh “Disabled Friendly?”
(ps71nw@surrey.ac.uk)
his Uni was quoted to
Music Editor
Andrew Thomas
T me as one being 'dis-
abled friendly'. And,
to be fair, I have to say that
(ps71at@surrey.ac.uk) Estates and Accommodation
have tried to make the nec-
essary improvements to the
Sports Editor campus and housing, here
Paul Cliff [the ramps outsidethe
(barefacts@surrey.ac.uk) Union, being one example].
However, what cannot be
corrected, is peoples atti-
Commercial Manager
tudes to us 'spacs, spangles,
Vacant cripples, blind bats etc.'.
People assume that having
an accident [or disease],
renders one mentally incom-
petent, such that we get con-
fused, forgetful or simply
Deadline for Publication not capable of logical
thought. I cannot say that
Monday 10am
my accident,for example,
has not left its mark in all
three of the previous entries,
Bare Facts is an editorially independent
newspaper, published by the University
of Surrey Students'
Communications Office.
The views expressed within the paper
Union
are those of individual authors, and do
The King of Peace
not necessarily represent the views of
the Editor, the Editorial Board, the
A Jordanian Point of View
ing Hussein of Jordan,
K
University of Surrey Students' Union or
the University of Surrey.
This publication may not be reproduced who passed away a
in whole or in part, stored in any form, couple of weeks ago,
copied or distributed, without the express
permission of the publisher. was the longest serving execu-
All submissions must include the author's tive head of state in the world
name and Union or Staff Number.
Submission is no guarantee of today. Throughout his reign, he
publication. worked hard at building a mod-
Anonymous and Pseudonymous articles
will not be published. ern country, despite the lack of
Bare Facts reserves the right to edit natural resources that all neigh-
submissions.
bouring countries had.
Printed by The political environment that
East End Offset (TU), prevailed during his era did not
Bow, London, E3 3LT help him much. With Israel
along the western border and
years of wars and hostility,
© USSU Communications Jordan has put extra efforts into
Office 1998 defence, and that ate a consid-
erable amount of the country’s
budget, that would have been
spent in developing it instead.
Bare Facts
Union House With that fact, King Hussein
University Of Surrey struggled throughout his reign to
Guildford promote peace in the whole
Middle East region. After the six
Surrey
days war back at 1967, he was
GU2 5XH
instrumental in drafting the
United Nations Security
Tel: 01483 259275 Council’s resolution 242 which
Fax: 01483 534749 called on Israel to withdraw
from all the Arab lands it occu-
email: pied in the 1967 war in exchange
for peace. This resolution has
barefacts@surrey.ac.uk
served as a benchmark for all
subsequent peace negotiations.
year 534 forms were sent out,
more than ever before.
However, I freely admit that not
all placement students were
able to receive a voting form.
This was mainly due to the
enormity of the task of collating
appropriate addresses- I would
like to request that all students
going on placement next year
who wish to vote in the Union
elections please ensure that they
inform both their department
and the Union Placements
Officer of their address other-
wise we have no way of getting
forms to you. We have neither
the budget nor the time to
search for you, and frankly that
is not the remit of the Returning
but, I have, after all, become
one of the "intellectually
prized" members of this
society.
Student Needs, do their
best- but just listening to us
does little good, if "nothing
is to be done for now, but we
are hoping to introduce this
scheme, in the next few
years". I admit that such
things as scanners and talk-
ing computers for the blind,
decent wheelchair facilities
and Emergency boxes of
likely medication, are
expensive, but, by investing
in such things, now, this Uni
could send a clear message
of hope to all those forgot-
ten disabled who are left in a
corner to vegetate. 4% of
this countries population
“We are fully aware that con-
solidating peace and stability is
linked to the achievement of
comprehensive and social
development. We are also
aware that peace and prosperity
cannot prevail except in an
atmosphere of justice, freedom,
democracy, respect for human
rights, and the supremacy of
the law.” His Majesty stressed
when he addressed the Middle
East and North Africa
Economic Summit in Amman,
on October 1995.
With that belief, the King com-
mitted himself to totally ingrain
these concepts in the Jordanian
society and made Jordan an
example of the commitment to
these noble objectives.
His Majesty was aware of the
feeling when people feel that
they are the same, that their
problems are the same, and that
their fears are the same, and
that their hopes are the same.
He always did his best to pro-
mote people to people relation-
ships. He never ignored the
human dimension of relations.
He believed that peace is not a
question between governments,
Officer, although I spent a lot of
time and effort trying.
I feel I am an approachable per-
son, and if anyone has a prob-
lem with the way in which this
election has been conducted, I
would welcome your com-
ments, which can be sent to the
Returning Officer’s pigeon hole
in the Union, and which will be
collated for the benefit of next
year’s Returning Officer.
In the meantime, I hope you
enjoyed the election, and may
be even feel inspired to get
involved next year
Céline Gordine-Wright
Returning Officer
are, in whateverway,
labelled disabled. Not all of
them will or even could do a
university course, but, think
of the millions who could, if
given the appropriate helps.
Universities could invest
millions and it would never
be enough, but, think of the
income so many 'wasted'
minds could make. Their
investment would be repaid,
many times over. More
importantly, think of the
kudos any establishment
could reap in publicising
their spac-friendly attitudes.
That which doesn't kill us,
makes us strong !
<Nietzsche>
Andrew Healy
it is a long-term relationship
between people and that what
would make peace prevail for-
ever.
He continued to work for the
new dawn, when all the chil-
dren of Abraham and their
descendants will live together
in the birthplace of their three
great monotheistic religions, a
life free from fear and a life in
peace.
Even when he was struggling
against cancer, making peace
was in his mind. He left his
sick bed to help Palestinians
and Israelis to narrow the gap
between them, and he man-
aged to bring them to sign an
agreement.
King Hussein has passed away,
but his will to make a lasting
peace will remain. His beliefs
will be the basis for all of us to
enter the new millennium, an
era of long lasting peace. His
Majesty died, but the legacy
will live forever over our skies.
May God almighty have mercy
on his soul, Amen.
Moudar Zgoul,
Arabic Society
News in Brief by James Buller
Kosovo Talks
Partially
Successful
The Kosovo Liberation Army
and Serbia have come to an
interim agreement about their
troubles. After 17 days
ensconced inside a French
chateau, the two sides have
made progress towards peace.
The Kosovars have won a con-
ditional agreement on semi-
autonomy for their region
while Serbia has got some
assurances that it’s citizens will
be protected within Kosovo.
French Foreign Minister
Hubert Vedrine has been chair-
ing the talks. He said that the
delegations will come to a new
round of negotiations starting
on March 15th. Then they will
discuss how to implement the
ideas outlined so far.
Serbia has been criticised for
not grasping the olive branch of
peace. The KLA has agreed in
principle to the proposed deal
and now wants to consult with
it’s members. The Serbs how-
ever have put up stumbling
blocks, including resisting the
calls for a Nato peace keeping
force to be deployed in the
area.
US Secretary of State
Madeleine Albright said “We
have decisively broken the
stalemate that hung over
Kosovo for so long,”
UK Foreign Minister Robin
Cook said that impressive
progress had been made, “We
have created a process. Today
is not the end of that process
but only the end of phase one
of that process.”
The talks were organised by a
“contact group” of six coun-
tries.. It’s leader Mr Vedrine
said the group demanded a
immediate cease-fire in
Kosovo. As he spoke howev-
er Serb and ethnic Albanians
forces clashed in northern
Kosovo, wounding seven
people
Man Convicted Of
Ultimate Racist
Terror Ordeal
James Byrd Jr. died when his
arms, shoulder and head were
ripped off as he was dragged
for nearly 3 miles behind a
truck. The black man was bru-
tally murdered by white racists
in Texas last year.
Earlier this week a jury found
John King guilty of the horrific
racially motivated killing. He
now faces life imprisonment or
possibly the death sentence.
Two other men also face trial
on similar charges.
The prosecution had described
John King as a man with an
“intense dislike of blacks”. He
and his accomplices were said
to be “straight out of hell”
sporting Nazi SS style light-
ning bolt tattoos. The court
watched a 11 minute video
showing the 2.5 mile-long trail
of blood and metal that Byrd
left behind as he was dragged
along by a pickup truck with a
logging chain around his
ankles. Pathologist Thomas
Brown reported how Byrd’s
limbs had been ground to the
bone, and how his decapitation
was caused by hitting a con-
crete drain.
King’s defence centred on get-
ting him off an extra charge of
kidnapping. If he is convicted
of this related crime then he
will be eligible for the death
sentence, rather than life
imprisonment. Three character
witnesses were presented to the
court to vouch for King. One
was a convicted burglar and
sex offender while another said
King was a hard worker, but
that he had fired him after an
argument.
Referee Kills
Player
A South African football refer-
ee is to appear in court charged
with shooting a player dead. In
a match watched by 600 people
in Johannesburg, the “Try
Agains” were playing the
“Wallabies”. When the trailing
“Try Agains” got a goal to
make the score 2:1 a
“Wallabies” player charged at
the man in black with a knife.
Before Isaac Mkhwetha could
use the blade, referee,
Lebogang Mokgethi drew a
gun and shot the player in the
chest. He died later at a police
station.
Icicles Injure 5
In Moscow five people in one
day have been sent to hospital,
after being hit by falling ici-
cles. The Russian capital’s
rapidly varying weather has
been blamed for the incidents.
The changes from -22*F to
above freezing have created a
cycle of repeated snowing and
thawing. Icicles measuring 1.5
meters long have been reported
hanging from buildings.
Council workers usually rattle
the gutters to dislodge the over-
hanging menace, but this year
accidents are occurring more
often then usual.
Don’t Drive and
Spill Drink
An accident between two lor-
ries in Switzerland resulted in
an unusual spillage last week.
Police cordoned off the motor-
way between Basle and Zurich,
as 8 tons of beer poured on to
the tarmac. One driver was
injured in the crash.
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25/02/99 3
The Hazel Farm Dilemma:
Hazel Farm Society survey reveals it all Hairtec
24 Madrid Road
ince the Hazel Farm seat first time round, which can there are no opportunities for it.

S Society was established

in October 1998, we have
be very frustrating. As a result
44% of respondents expressed
This is very isolating. We are
very far form the student life of

felt an urgent need to find out
more about the difficulties
experienced by students living
at Hazel Farm. A survey on the
quality of living at Hazel Farm
was carried out during
December 1998 with the pur-
pose of establishing which
aspects of transportation, facili-
ties and entertainment needed
improvement
As we wanted the results of the
survey to reflect a fair represen-
tation of students living at the
different sites, the question-
naires were distributed accord-
ingly. Of the 106 question-
naires returned, 49% came
from Hamilton Close, 25%
from Hamilton Drive, 21%
from Hamilton Place and 5%
from Oregano Way.
The major disadvantage for
students living at Hazel Farm is
transportation. Students rely on
the coach service during the
weekdays. This service pro-
vides one bus every hour and a
minibus service in the evenings
and at weekends, which is less
frequent. The results show that
strong dissatisfaction and 34%
were dissatisfied with the num-
ber of runs at the weekend.
One comment was:
‘We are completely isolated
between 12.40 and 16.40 on
weekends and the public bus
doesn’t help very much, as there
is only one bus every two hours’.
With respect to the living con-
ditions at Hazel Farm, students
demanded more equality in
comparison to students living
on campus. Many students
thought that it was unfair that
we do not have cleaners like
residents on campus. Only a
few students (12.3%) were sat-
isfied. The condition of t bath-
rooms and toilets cause griev-
ance to 36.8% of the ques-
tioned who expressed either
dissatisfaction or strong dissat-
isfaction with the efficiency of
maintenance. Students also
demanded that there should be
free phone lines to the
University. A high percentage
of students wanted a better
phone system, which accepts
phone cards as well as coins.
(01483)440414
campus and there is no com-
pensation in terms of a student
life here’. Many students sug-
gested that the Hazel Farm
Communal Room should be con- Shampoo & Blow Dry from £9.00
verted into a bar.
Cutting incl. Shampoo from £11.00
As the results of the survey, the
committee of the Hazel Farm
Gents cut incl. shampoo from £8.50
Society arranged an informal Semi permanent Tint from £22.00
meeting with Mr. Richard
Paxton (Accommodation
Permanent Tint £ from £25.00
Manager) on the 28th January Highlights/Lowlights from £35.00
1998 to discuss the further
actions towards the current
Permanent Wave from £32.50
responses. The meeting has KMS/Fudge Treatment from £3.00
yielded many encouraging
results. Mr. Paxton agreed that Sets & Blow Drys included in all
bus shelters should be build and Perming & Colouring Services, but excluding Cutting
hoped they would be ready for
the next academic year. A new
telephone system has been
investigated with the possibili- Reduced Prices for Students
ty that it will provide every
room with its own phone and
an Internet connection at a con-
cessionaire rate. Cable TV is
Tuesdays - Fridays inclusive
also under investigation. Mr
Paxton also agreed to installing
a condom machine in the
downstairs toilet of the
Lloyds
Communal Room as the survey Chemist
revealed that students found it

more than 50% of the respon-
dents are unhappy with the
punctuality of the coach service
with 29.2% being strongly dis-
satisfied and 25.5% students
being dissatisfied.
Hairtec
For the Cumberland Store difficult to purchase condoms
(nearest shop available by the nearby at night time.
Hazel Farm area, the survey Madrid The Astolat
discovered that 62% of the With the results from the sur-
respondents consider that the vey and an open-minded dis- GPA Road
products’ costs are too high, cussion with the accommoda-

The results also show that 33%

of the students are strongly dis-
satisfied with the availability of
seats on the minibus. As the
minibus can take only up to 15
passengers, it often has to make
second runs to the University.
Many students complained
about the lack of a queuing
system for the bus service.
Sometimes, even if you are
among the first waiting for the
bus, you are not guaranteed a
and 55% were dissatisfied
with the range of products
available. The residents also
suggest that there should be
more fresh fruits and vegeta-
bles as well as toiletries, med-
ication and body products.
In conclusion, the survey
revealed that students at Hazel
Farm feel that there is a serious
lack of social activities existing in
the area. One response states that:
‘There is no integration and
tion manager, we sincerely
hope that the Hazel Farm site
can provide much better envi-
Apollo Video Store x Newsagent
ronment for students, and the
Hazel Farm Society can serve
more happy faces living in this
land.
Wates House Staff & Postgraduate Club
Presented by Jessica Hwang
(President of the Hazel Farm Wates House was built in the with many a pub starting Interesting Times Lie
Society), Farida Rahim early 1970’s, situated towards leagues and competitions. The Ahead…..
(Treasurer), Felicitas Grillo the top of Stag Hill. On one skittle alley is available for pri-
(Public Relations Officer), and side of Wates House you can vate hire, but it does make reg- During late April and all of
Rani Palmon (Public Relations admire the grandeur of ular appearances during our May, there will be great pres-
Assistant). Guildford Cathedral, the other, WHoP nights where everyone sure on the catering outlets that
you have a panoramic view of is free to join in! remain open. Wates House is

The ZACK GILPIN Show the west side of campus and

the surrounding villages. In the
summer time it is worth spend-
ing some time on our roof ter-
race admiring the view whilst
relaxing with a cool refreshing
drink. In fact a cocktail
evening is the perfect way to
unwind up here at the end of a
long week.
W H is a members
only club. Who’s a member?
All university staff and post-
graduates are members. Guests
can come along too, although
they need to be “signed in”
which is done with our visitors
book from the bar.
At the west side of
the building we have a stage,
ideal for speeches, presenta-
Rythmic Heat Bouncy Beat tions and audio visual equip-
At the Harlequin, Redhill on ment. We have a 55” television
with superb picture and sound
Friday 23rd April 1999 quality, it makes perfect view-
9-11pm ing for events like football
matches, grand prix, and on
Tickets £15 some WHoP nights (Wates
All ticket holders are entitled to a free invitation to appear in my next House Post Grad nights) it is
used for playstation gaming
music video. A 1/500 chance of winning a return ticket to California, competitions!
USA. Harlequin, Redhill BOX OFFICE We also have a new
skittle alley. This provides
tel: 01737 765 547 hours of entertainment for
email Zack on eusebiou@yahoo.com groups of 15 to 40 people. It is
an increasingly popular game
Along the bridge to
the east side of the building
takes you to the bar. It is a tra-
ditional bar serving quality real
ales (e.g. Abbot Ale £1.90 a
pint) and lagers (e.g. Carlsberg
£1.76 a pint) and a large range
of spirits. Wates Bar was also
one of the first to serve Extra
cold Guinness which proves
very popular! Many a cocktail
night has taken place here too!
The bar is open from 12
o’clock each day and shuts at 7
p.m. on Monday’s and
Tuesday’s, and 11 p.m. on
Wednesday’s, Thursday’s and
Friday’s. During the weekend
W H is normally shut, although
during July it will be open 7
days a week.
From the bridge is
access to the Self Service
Restaurant which is open 12
o’clock to 2 p.m. Monday to
Friday. Adjacent to the restau-
rant are two private dining
rooms where advanced book-
ings are required.
There are rooms of
varied sizes available for meet-
ings, presentations and dinners
which are available for private
hire.
one of these and it has plans to
help alleviate some of the pres-
sure! In our common room
area we plan to provide a fur-
ther 90 to 100 extra seats for a
self service style lunch time.
This is in addition to the main
restaurant and will be open dur-
ing the same hours.
Lunch hours obvious-
ly predict the busiest times for
restaurants, but many people
have the choice of when they
take theirs. Currently the major-
ity of members take their lunch
hour from around 1 p.m., which
puts pressure on counter space in
the way of queues. If you wish
to avoid these, a lunch hour
starting between 12 o’clock and
12.30 would be ideal.
No matter what time
you have lunch though, the staff
in W H are always efficient and
friendly, and aim to give you
the best possible service, even
when you are in rush.
Please remember that the forth-
coming months will be rather
busy, and that the staff will be
working hard to alleviate
queues, so please be patient and
understanding and the staff will
be the same with you!
ed990225.qxd 26/02/99 13:24
4 25/02/99
STUDENTS AT WORK
R
emember the Student
Rights Charter? It was
launched in this Union
and many others across the
country last October to put stu-
dent rights in the spotlight -
finance, housing, child-care,
employment, quality of teach-
ing and fair complaints proce-
dures. Over 800 Surrey stu-
dents pledged their support for
the Charter on the National Day
of Action, co-ordinated by
NUS. Financial Hardship is of
growing concern to many stu-
dents and is a focus for the
Charter: “Free Tuition paid by
the State”, “Study free from
hardship” and “A decent wage
for part time work”. The intro-
duction of tuition fees, rising
costs of living and the forth-
coming introduction of the min-
imum wage on 1st April this
year has once again thrust hard-
ship to the forefront of student
politics and provided further
focus for the issue of students at
work. Do you know your
rights?
In the 1970’s, around 30% of
under 20’s were enrolled in edu-
cation. The Office of National
Statistics (ONS) now put this
figure at almost 70%. Life-long
Learning will continue to influ-
ence the changing make-up of
our student population, leaning
more towards mature students
and post-21 study. Research by
the NUS shows that the amount
of money available to students
has not risen in line with the
costs of being a student. Rents
are set to rise by an average of
5% - more than twice the rate of
inflation and the cost of living
continues to rise. The average
income for students living out-
side London is £3,540. After
deducting average accommoda-
tion costs, students are left with
just £23.10 per week to cover
food, clothes, bills and travel.
Job seekers allowance provides
housing benefit and is worth an
additional £39.85 per week. Is it
fair that students who choose to
develop their education have to
endure such crippling hardship?
This kind of poverty forces stu-
dents to work. Ninety percent
of students work part-time, of
whom 10% are paid less than
£1.96 per hour. The need to
supplement income means that
students often take jobs offering
shamefully low pay, poor con-
ditions and unsuitable working
hours. The introduction of the
EU Working Time Directive
and the National Minimum
Wage look set to benefit stu-
dents, but it does depend on
individual employers, who
must adhere to the law, and
workers knowing their rights.
Many students are forced to
work simply to pay the bills and
eat. One in five students drop
out of University before com-
pleting their course - a major
reason for this is thought to be
financial hardship. Enter the
trade unions.
Trade Unions can be very effec-
tive in promoting good practice
employers and for tough cam-
Page 4 (1,1)
paigning on low pay, conditions
and fair treatment of young
workers. If your vision of a
trade union is a miner’s strike
during the 80’s, then think
again. With so many young
people in work, the trade unions
have had to modernise their
image and culture. The TUC’s
(Trade Union Congress) “New
Unionism Campaign” aims to
make trade unions more appeal-
ing to young people and identi-
fy the benefits of being a trade
union member. The campaign
is aimed at students in school or
at University and introduces
issues such as health and safety,
the role of trade unions, rights
at work and the future of work.
The Low Pay Commission
(LPC) found that many young
people are working in the low-
est paid sectors of the job mar-
ket, such as Retail, Hospitality,
Cleaning and Security. These
workplaces generally have very
low levels of trade union mem-
bership but are the areas need-
ing it most. This is why the
trade unions are taking a close
look at student life and how to
integrate young people into
their membership. Not know-
ing how to contact young peo-
ple directly or promote them-
selves effectively, the trade
unions have recognised the
NUS as an effective communi-
cation tool to millions of young
people all over the country. The
basic rights of students at work
highlighted by NUS are exactly
the issues on which trade
unions have been campaigning
for many years, albeit to a
slightly more mature member-
ship. United in their cause,
NUS and the trade unions have
joined forces.
On Monday, NUS held a one-
day seminar - “Students at
Work” - at the UNISON head-
quarters in London. I have to
say I was a little cynical at first,
but I had a really interesting
day. There were presentations
from the Low Pay Commission,
UNISON, the GMB and NUS
representatives, as well as
workshops covering Job Shops,
a forthcoming national
“Students at Work” survey and
Introducing trade unions to
Students. This University
stands to gain from increased
awareness of trade unions and
joining up whilst still studying.
With over 80% of our students
undertaking some kind of pro-
fessional placement training
and many other students taking
on part-time as well as study-
ing, trade unions clearly have a
role in developing student
employment at Surrey. The day
concluded with a plenary ses-
sion to launch the Minimum
Wage Campaign and some use-
ful ideas on Students’ Unions
working with trade unions.
Watch out for more information
and events at this Union and if
you’re going on placement next
year or are doing any part-time
work, keep an eye out for your
friendly trade union rep!
Harriet Sims, Union
President
o, election fever has
S reached its peak and died
its death for another year.
The word on the street is that
we (the students of the
University of Surrey) voted
97% in favour of staying in
NUS. But have we ever been
given the full picture? In the
run up to the elections, Bare
Facts printed an ‘NUS
Referendum’ page. This page
was more of an ‘advert’ for the
NUS, than an objective evalua-
tion. (see ‘The Week in Review’
BF Issue 956)
Last week the front page article
of Bare Facts (Issue 957)
“Putting Students First”
described the massive vote of
confidence from the University
of Birmingham in favour of
NUS. Based on this information,
his week Surrey students
T
voted in a referendum on
NUS membership and
97% wanted to remain affiliat-
ed. Meanwhile in Birmingham
around 65% of those voting
believed the NUS to be a good
thing while in Leeds the student
newspaper published a damn-
ing article calling NUS “the
student arm of the Labour
Party” and a training ground for
prospective New Labour MPs.
The “Leeds Student” also
expressed dissatisfaction with
the NUS action on tuition fees
and called for nation-wide
action to oust the New Labour
political aspirants from NUS
leadership.
So why did Surrey students
vote so overwhelmingly in
favour? Certainly this result is a
gift for NUS- it would be sur-
prising not to hear it quoted as
proof of support for NUS poli-
The Week in Review
one could easily believe that the members concentrating more
NUS still receives massive sup-
port from all it’s members.
on their political careers than
student issues.
NOW! Relax…sit back and The question we want to ask is
ease your mind away from the whether the large ‘yes’ vote at
world of NUS sponsored jour- this university is a result of
nalism…..The ‘Independent’ ‘mis-information’ or true pas-
(20/2/99) in an article sion and knowledge of the NUS.
“Students revolt against the Hands up, how many of us real-
NUS” described a very differ- ly know how the NUS works?
ent scenario. It’s here we start
to hear a different reality of On another note, in our humble
NUS relations with their asso- opinion the Charter Ball was a
ciated universities. The article success. Though oft’ described
highlights growing dissent as an FNO in tuxedo’s, we felt
between the NUS and Leeds that a much more relaxed
and Newcastle universities. We atmosphere prevailed through-
also hear how the Manchester out. Unfortunately the event
Institute of Science and was marred by the early closure
Technology voted to disaffiliate of the casino, foiling our plans
from the NUS. This article of cornering the plastic token
describes NUS as a springboard market. Congratulations to the
for future labour MP’s with Union and Charter Ball com-
Yes! But yes to what?
cies, but there may be more to turnout was to occur at a parlia-
this result than meets the eye. mentary general election, those
who believe in democracy
Firstly, there has been no real would certainly question the
debate at the University of legitimacy of the result. It
Surrey about the pros and cons could be that those here that did
of NUS affiliation. Any attempt not vote were expressing their
at debate has been leapt upon as democratic right not to do so,
if it were criticism and con- however, it seems far more
demned, and during the elec- likely to be an expression of the
tion period extra effort was supposedly mythical “student
made to market the “yes” cam- apathy”- do students here not
paign- even to the extent of care who runs their union as a
NUS leaders visiting Surrey to sabbatical, or represents them
promote the message to ordi- on a national level via NUS? So
nary student voters. Every can- is it really true that 97% of all
didate standing for a sabbatical our students believe that we
post campaigned in favour of should remain NUS-affiliated?
NUS and therefore there was Perhaps we’ll never know
no consolidated “no” cam- because, in our democratic sys-
paign. tem, voting is a matter of
choice not of coercion, so, tech-
Secondly, despite all the hard nically, it is perfectly okay not
work and excellent organisa- to have voted.
tion of the elections, only about
one tenth of Surrey students So, are we out of tune with
actually voted. If such a low other students around the coun-
Rocking the Hall Bar
It was the eve of the
Charter-ball and the Union
was closed while stage crew
made a valiant attempt to dis-
guise it, so where else was there
for a load of work weary and
thirsty students to go other
than the Big-band gig in the
Hall bar. Please send answers on
a postcard because there must
have been something good hap-
pening that night (somewhere
other than the Hall bar) to excuse
the poor attendance at this excel-
lent musical evening.
There was no evidence of the
disharmony that has been
rumoured between the trumpets
mittee for a new design, maybe
next year a neo-classical greek
approach: marble pillars, and
fountains with grapes on
bronze platters.
Samad: Well then Laurence,
Bare Facts was pretty interest-
ing last week, huh? Laurence
(stoned hippy voice):
Maaan…..I still didn’t under-
stand what those sports dudes
are on about. Samad: What do
you mean. Laurence: I still
can’t make out what sports
they’re on about. Samad:
Maybe someone in the know
should publish a booklet
explaining all their abbrevia-
tions and in jokes. Samad and
Laurence (singing):Then we
can all be part of Surrey Pride!
By Laurence Jones and
Samad Masood
try? With UMIST already dis-
affiliated, Leeds wanting
change and Newcastle voting
later this month, we should
consider whether our “yes” was
a yes to NUS as it is now, or as
it could be: changing the sys-
tem from the inside to make an
NUS which provides student
services at the same time as
being an effective and non-
politically aligned lobby group
for students. After all, how can
a complex issue be addressed
when a referendum only gives a
basic answer to a basic question
and does not allow for different
shades of opinion to be
expressed? Now that we’ve
confirmed our commitment to
NUS perhaps its time for a full
and frank discussion on what
we want from NUS and how
this can be achieved.
By: Jo Keech & Marcus
Mayers (NUS delegate)
and the saxophones as the band
blasted their way in through old
favourites, led by conductor
Jaime Cordell. Their whole per-
formance radiates a love of play-
ing music, and a confidence that
they are playing it well.
There were also a stunning solos
by many of the members, partic-
ularly the one by the fresher clar-
inetist, Pete Jewitt, which
deserves a special mention.
Maybe all those people who
have been moaning about the
variable quality of the Sunday
night live bands should try the
Big-band for size.
Lindsay Endean.
ed990225.qxd 26/02/99 13:24
25/02/99
3 Steps to Finding a House - The House-hunter’s Diary.
irst years, it may still
F seem as though you have
only just arrived at
University but already two
thirds of the academic year
have flown by faster than a
rugby player mounting
theVarsity Centre stairs to the
bar, and despite the fact that
you are still officially a
“Fresher”, there are already
ominous rumblings coming
from the general direction of
the accommodation office as
they prepare to kick you out of
the proverbial nest that is
on-campus accommodation, to
make way for the patter of next
year’s tiny fresher feet, and into
the struggle, of evolutionary
proportions, that is the hunt for
off-site accommodation in
Guildford. Only the fittest will
survive (if all second-years are
to be believed), so make sure
that you are well prepared.
Step 1
Find some suitable
house-mates (see our guide to
choosing house-mates) and
then guard your group from the
marauding approaches of other
groups hoping to pick off a few
of your house-mates to make
up the numbers in their house.
RADIO & TV Rentals
Renting a house may well
be the first step but renting
the equipment needed to
watch Countdown and save
visiting the Campus
Launderete is just as vital.
Here is a quick look at your
options.
BL Vision
01483 426 139
Washing Machine -
Free Repairs
Collect Deliver: Yes
Cost £13.99 p/m
Accommodation prices from around the UK.
Top ten most expensive hall
rents (single self-catered
halls)
Southampton Institute £70*
Barnet college £65
Wimbledon school of art £64
Kings College £58.43
North London University £58
Birmingham £55.44
London Institute £55.36
Bournemouth £53.50
*The high rents at the
Southampton Institute are
due to the contracting out of
halls of residence to private
companies.
Private Rents around the UK
London £87
East Anglia £52
SE £48
SW £47
Wales £38
NW £36
NE £35
E Midlands £34
W Midlands £34
Page 5 (1,1)
Step 2
Try and be one move ahead of
the pack. Be prepared for the
production of the accommoda-
tion office paper by going to
look at any student houses you
know of, with the rest of your
group. If you don’t know of any
student houses try knocking on
the doors of houses with a row
of wine bottles in the front win-
dow. This is a fairly sure sign of
student occupation. Some
departments have particularly
good houses which they guard
jealously and pass down to
each new generation of second
years. One such house which I
visited on Weston road was
incredibly cheap at £30 per
week. However rumour has it
that it is only held up by a four
leave clover plant which grows
outside the front door
Preparation will not only give
you some idea of what you will
be paying for, but will also help
you get to know the territory,
most first years have never
been further than Tescos on one
side of campus and Cindy’s on
the other and certainly don’t yet
know their Park Barns from
their Bellfields. It can also give
a revealling insight as to what
you san expect in the year
Student deals -
9 month contract
TV and Video Free repairs
Collect/Deliver - Yes
Cost : £6.99 each p/m
Student deals -
9 month contract
Granada 01483 566955
Washing Machines -
Not rented to studetnts
TV and Video - Free repairs
Collect/Deliver: Yes
Cost £21.99p/m
Student deals - 9 month
(From NUS Accommodation Survey)
*98/99 Rents are set to rise
by 5% not matched by any
rise in hardship funds.
*Evidence of landlords with
holding deposits and charg-
ing summer retainers is
increasing.
NUS advice:
-Get the accommodation
office to check your contract,
it should contain;
rent information
length
rights
any repair obligations
-Get a signed inventory.
For further advice;
Phone for the NUS’s guide,
“Safe Housing for Students”
0171 272 8900
On the net;
nus.org.uk/waccomm.html
studentuk.com/hand-
book/accommodation/index.
asp
ahead. One house of students
that I visited explained why the
sink was hanging of the bath-
room wall and asked if we
would kindly not repeat the
story to their landlord. It had
apparently given way when a
couple had tried to have sex on
it during a party some weeks
earlier, the girl involved now
also had some interesting
tap-shaped bruises on various
parts of her anatomy. The stu-
dents assured as that the piece
of wood holding it up was per-
fectly safe (presumably until
the next time some one tries to
have sex on it).
If you find a house that you
are all happy with while doing
this then you are quite within
your rights to ask for the land-
lord’s number and ring them up
before the paper comes out. It’s
sneaky but it does save a lot of
trouble later.
Step 3
The accommodation paper
comes out.
By this time your group will
probably have already fallen
out and reformed several times
and there is a bald patch devel-
oping in the carpet where you
have spent sleepless nights pac-
contract
Radio Rentals -
01483 573 150
Washing Machines & TV
and Video
Repairs: Same day if
phoned before 10am
Collect/Deliver: Yes
Cost Price match any quote
from another company
Student deals - 9 month
contract or shorter -
Promotions throughotu the
year
Lindsay Endean’s Survey of
Private Rent Prices in the UK.
Bristol £50.55
Exeter £43
Edinburgh £50
(Scottish Parliament is causing
higher prices)
Nottingham £38
Birmingham £37.41
5
ing up and down like a caged
animal straining to be free, and
chanting, “I must get a house, I
must get a house...”. Get your
The Lodger’s Life
by Jim Bull
group around a paper as fast as
possible and decide which
owards the end of my stopped and I managed to put
houses you like the look of then
get on the phone and arrange
some viewing times. This is
where your preparation will
T first year I was invited
to live in a property
managed house in Bellfields.
the dog lead on him. I began
to take him back to the road
when he strained on the lead
pay off because you will However, it was three miles and it broke. Bruno scarpered
away on a steep hill on the for the second time.
already have a good idea of the
house you want and you can other side of Guildford. I He spied a cat and
started to have doubts and naturally ran after it. The cat
arrange to see contracts without
first going around a dozen other decided that I would look for jumped for safety over a gate
a room in a private house. I with Bruno not far behind.
houses only to find that the first
one you wanted has already started by printing out the When I arrived Bruno was
whole accommodation office having a heated argument
gone. If you don’t find some-
thing suitable straight away website and after crossing with another dog behind the
out hundreds of “female gate. presently the owner of
don’t worry and do try to
restrain yourself from commit- only” adds and an evening of the house came out and
continous phoning I arranged demanded that I do some-
ting acts of extreme violence
against the smug gits on your to see three rooms. Within a thing. Thankfully the woman
week I had a room in a house helped me get Bruno on the
floor who insist on telling you
about the dream house they off Northway. My only con- lead and I pulled him away.
cern was the huge dog called That was not the
have just bagged. Many houses
are not advertised in the proper- Bruno that belonged to the end of my adventures with
Landlord. my new canine friend.
ty paper and only come up
weeks later on the accommoda- 24 hours after Within the week he had man-
moving in disaster struck. I aged to lock himself in the
tion notice board or webpage.
At the end of the day there is no opened the front door to go bathroom. We had to smash
out and Bruno made a bid for the bolt off the door to let her
easy answer to find a house
because the truth remains that freedom. I grabbed for his out.
collar but he snarled and I get a good deal
there is a shortage of suitable
accommodation, however tak- made to bite me. Swearing I by living here. I pay £60pw
grabbed a dog lead and some including bills and my land-
ing a few risks, working as a
team, and having a bit of luck biscuits and set off in pursuit. lady does my washing. I have
Bruno had disap- the run of the house complete
can help enormously.
peared. I scoured the streets privacy whenever I want, and
until I spotted him. I gave a TV in my room. It is an
chase and Bruno lopped eas-
ily away. The housing estate
short cycle ride to the univer-
sity and there is a parade of
petered out and Bruno ran shops nearby. Given the
into the fields. Eventually he chance I would do it again.
77 people applied for this house
Two sure signs of student occupation; dodgy curtains,
bottles in the windows
Student Off Campus Housing 1999
When will the accommodation lists be available?
Lists of off-campus housing will be available from
Monday 15th March.
These will be printed in a special free newspaper from Court
Receptions, the students Union and the Accommodation Office.
This newspaper will contain information for students about how
to find and secure a place to live along with the current lists of
houses and rooms including University Managed Houses.
After 15 March the most up to date lists of houses and rooms
will be found on the Campus Web, which is only accessible
from terminals inside the University.
http://www.mis.surrey.ac.uk/misweb/accomm/home.htm
Lists will also be available to view at the Accommodation
Office.
What can I do now?
If you have not rented private sector accommodation before you
might want to spend some time finding out how to go about
securing your a place to live, If you know students living off
campus and have already decided on your group you can
approach landlords about renting. Make sure you are happy
with the tenancy offered and if necessary ask for advice from the
Accommodation Office. Please note University Managed hous-
es cannot be booked ahead of 15 March.
Accommodation Talks
There will be a 30 minute introductory talk about off-campus
accommodation on: Tuesday 2 March at 1800 in Lecture
Theatre G.
ed990225.qxd 26/02/99 13:25 Page 6 (1,1)

6 25/02/99
ed990225.qxd 26/02/99 13:25 Page 7 (1,1)

25/02/99 7

OFU
Season tickets for all remain-
0870 50 50 007
ing Arts and OFU films are
Wednesday 3rd Mar:
WWW.ODEON.CO.UK
Fri Feb 26th - Thurs March 4th 1999
available at 7.50, or guest
tickets for individual films
Metropolis
Saturday Friday Thursday Wednesday Tuesday Monday Sunday Saturday Friday

You’ve got mai l can be purchased in advance Metropolis is a utopian

26th

fri-sat 12.45 16.00 18.50 21.50 from Union reception, or dream, a city in which
sun-thurs 12.15 15.05 17.55 20.45 reserved through the OFU wealthy inhabitants live in
Life is Beautiful box in the Union pigeonhole palatial splendour in towering
fri-sat 13.15 15.50 18.30 21.50 room (upto an hour before the apartment blocks. But the
sun-thurs 12.20 15.15 17.50 20.25 film). dream merely masks the terri-
Urban Legend ble truth of life underground,
fri-sat 12.50 15.10 17.30 19.55 22.20 where armies of slaves toil to
sun-thurs 13.30 16.00 18.30 21.00
Sunday 28th Feb: maintain the luxury of life on
This Year’s Love Scream 2 the surface. The workers are
27th

fri-sat 17.00 19.30 22.10 led by the saintly Maria

sun 15.45 18.15 20.45 (Helm) who urges them not to
At a preview screening of rebel. Disturbed by her power,
mon-thurs 13.00 15.40 18.15 20.45
“Stab” - a film inspired by the a leading industrialist orders a
A Holy Man
events of the original Scream mad scientist to create a robot
fri-sat 16.30 22.00
movie - two students are bru- replica to take her place - a
sun-thurs 14.55 (not sun) 20.15
tally murdered by a copycat plan doomed to failure when
A Bug’s Life
killer. So begins a claustro- the replica incites a revolu-
fri-sat 10.45 11.30 12.00 13.00 13.45 14.30 15.30
phobic reign of terror for tion. Metropolis is by far our
16.15 17.00 17.45 18.45 19.30 20.00 22.00
28th

many of the survivors of the most interesting Arts film this

sun/tue/thurs 12.00 12.45 13.35 14.15 15.15
first film, who one by one season. Filmed in 1926, it is
16.00 16.30 17.45 18.30 18.45 20.00
either fall under suspicion or the mother and father of all
wed 12.45 13.35 15.15 16.00 17.45 18.30 20.00
end up dead. modern sci-fi films. Director
Shakespeare in Love
Director Wes Craven cleverly Fritz Lang spent $2 million
fri-sat 12.15 15.10 18.30 21.20
makes this a movie about creating vast sets - many of
sun-thurs 12.05 14.50 17.40 20.30
sequels; indeed, it is surmised which he then burned, flooded
Don’t go Breaking my Heart
early on that the killer has or blew up - and hired a cast
fri-sat 21.00
deliberately set out to make a of 37,000 extras.
sun/tues/thurs 20.55
“sequel” to the original This film is showing in its orig-
Jack Frost
1st

events. inal release version. Financiers

fri-sat 12.00 14.15
Tense, thrilling, and above UFA (then Germany’s largest
sun-thurs 12.05 14.15
all, terrifying! Be warned: not film production company) were
Madeline
all of the regular cast will be driven almost to bankruptcy by
fri-sat 13.00 15.00
appearing in Scream 3.... Lang, and took control of final
sun 12.00 13.45
editing, much to Lang’s disgust.
Stepmom His final version was nearly
fri-sat 19.15 twice as long but parts have
sun-thurs 12.15 (not sun) 17.30 now, alas, been lost.
2nd

Lunar Lisa and Mystic Moonda

PISCES
20th February-20th March
Things have been worrying
you, something even more wor-
rying than the propect of being
trapped in Chancellors for the
3rd
GEMINI
22nd May-21st June
An eye for an eye a tooth for a
tooth, ouch. Sounds like you
should go to the opticians and
the dentist. On a serious note,
VIRGO
24th August-23rd September
A new aquaintance with a
healthy appetite for drinking
has been a bit clingly lately.
Don’t buy anything sticky.
SAGITTAURUS
23rd November-21st December
You’ve been neglecting you
health recently. Make sure no
blood gets into your alcohol
stream otherwise the grim real-

rest of your drinking days once
they introduce the revolving
door. Lets face it, people could
end up stuck in there for Years
(well I guess that’s their way of
dealing with their declining
profit margin). Anyway the
answer to your problems is big
POOL and green.
Unlucky Object; A drunk per-
4th
revenge is like a lemon-its There is no hope for them, but
sweet and has a bitter after you will have luck in love and
taste. money so be sympathetic, they
Unlucky Object; A squid on a need help.
bead. Unlucky object; A missing
clarinet.
LIBRA
CANCER 24th September-23rd October
Don’t cut off your nose to spite
ity of studying at the University
of Sorry could hit you.
Unlucky object; A big biscuit at
a tea party.
CAPRICORN
22nd December-20th January
Your star chart is a little hazy
this week...perhaps we should
clean our windows...ah that’s

son in a revolving door. 22nd June-23rd July

Competition ARIES
You’ve got wet balls this week,
it must be all those games of
your face, because it will make
a mess and you don’t need
better. It looks like you will
have to do some cleaning out
another hole in your head-your yourself this week as your mind
7pm 21st March-20th April
Your brain has been malfunc-
pool you’ve been playing late-
ly. You need a new interest like
mouth is big enough already.
Unlucky object. Sellotape,
has been cluttered up with vari-
ous things such as....(how the
tioning, no surprises there, but painting the odd random duck because someone might stick hell should we know, do you
be careful, you might scare (yes the duck season is upon us your head to a wall. think we’re psychic or some-
your friends (..bleep again). thing?).
...blip..bleep..excuse me I must Unlucky object; Brown Unlucky object; A label with
go and feed my wellington). Go Bluetak. 1.4% Volume on it.
SCORPIO
5th

to a function room, that might

help, (it didn’t work for loopy
lunar Lisa though).
Unlucky Object;A magnet.
TAURUS
A problem shared is a problem
spread around. Be careful who
you trust as otherwise everyone
6th
LEO
21st July-23rd August
If music be the food of love,
pump up the jam! Someone
finds you very attractive
.....mmm. ha ha that got your
hopes up. Stick to your
favourite phone bar 0891 50 50
50.
24th October-22nd November
Iceburg dead ahead! Oh, that’ll
AQUARIUS
21st January - 19th Febuary
be the ice in my drink because
you’ve been too hot to handle You’ve got egg on your face,
use a knife and fork next time.
lately! It must be all those
‘come dressed as your favourite Keep a low profile for the time
being otherwise someone may
porn star’ fancy dress parties
you’ve been going to. A few get confused and chuck in a bag
of flour, butter and sugar, and
cold showers and an episode of

will find out about that night
you encountered that three
legged man.
Unlucky Object; A swiss roll
rolling in Switzerland
over 50s topless bowls should
Unlucky Object;An engaged
tone. cool you down.
Unlucky object; A short fuse
(well it wouldn’t fit in the little
hole would it)
stick your head in the oven (we
suggest gas mark 4).
Unlucky object; Jam filling
Lunar Lisa and Mystic Moonda
ed990225.qxd 26/02/99 13:25 Page 8 (1,1)

8 25/02/99

Elections ‘99 - A Picture Story

Next Years Sabbatical Team

President - Ben Davis
VP Eduacation and Welfare -
Emma Sale
VP Communications and Marketing -
Andy Blair
VP Sport - Ben McCauley
VP Finance and Societies -
Marcus Mayers
VP Support and Development -
Sarah Maguire

NUS Delegate Leader - Harriet Sims

NUS Referendum Result 97% Yes Vote

All the Presidents Men

Top to Bottom: Kyle Thompson,
Top to Bottom: Sarah Ewen Ferguson, Ben Davis
Maguire, Ben
McCauley, Marcus Andy Blair Photos by Alex Langley and
Mayers, Tom Sherwen Next years Editor of Barefacts Your newly elected NUS delegation James Buller
ed990225.qxd 26/02/99 13:25
25/02/99
The Final Hours - Election Countdown
n Friday after voting
O had finished and the
final count had begun,
twelve very tired and extremely
nervous sabbatical candidates
gathered in Wate’s House to
rest for the first time in two
weeks and wait for the moment
of judgement. I grabbed this
opportunity to talk to all the
candidates as it is the first and
only time they had been able to
truly speak their minds about
the campaign and each other
and why exactly they had just
put themselves through the trial
of a lifetime. Here are some of
their interesting, profound and
occasionally random thoughts.
How do you feel at the
moment?
Dan, Scared, I know that I
have done as much as I can but
I keep thinking I could have
done more, I would have been
awake longer, done something
else, done something different,
been more professional. I
have got too many tickets
booked for tonight not to win.
What have you gained from
the whole experience?
Marcus, You learn a lot about
human nature and strategies for
marketing yourself. It also
teaches you how to persuade
others to help you without ask-
ing too much.
Andy, The number of people
you have met by the end of the
week is phenomenal. We have
learnt a lot about everyone’s
individual strengths and weak-
nesses, every candidate has a
really big strength at some-
thing. If we combined all the
people that stood this year you
would have the greatest sabbat-
ical team you could possibly
want. Oh, and I also lost my
union card.
Dan, I don’t think that anyone
can ever describe what we have
just been through as fun, ever. It
wasn’t fun.
Ben D, It has been a wicked
experience, going out there
everyday to put something
across to people and sell your-
self. I gained a great value of
self worth and self belief. You
don’t realise how much you
want to do it until you are
standing trying to persuade
people who are just about to
make a tick in a box.
Was it worth it, even if you
don’t get elected?
Ben’s Maximum effort wins the day
Page 9 (1,1)
Ben M, No, you miss a week
of your lectures. There is no
point doing it if you don’t
believe that you can win
Nick, There will probably be
tears later. Even if it does not go
my way it will have been worth it.
When did you start planning
your campaign?
Shelley, I wrote my manifesto
on the Wednesday before it was
due in on the Friday.
Ben D, I went to see Harriet
[Sims] about becoming presi-
dent and how I would do that
and as everybody knows it
just sort of escalated from
there. It has been difficult on
both of us especially her
because a lot of people have
said it was unfair, but that is
wrong.
Emma Sale(s) away with it!
What was your opinion of the
other candidates and the way
they ran their campaigns?
Dan, Everyone has looked at
Ben Davis. Everyday he had
people with T-shirts saying
“vote Ben Davis”. He planned
his campaign brilliantly.
Ewen, I deliberately went for a
less in-your-face approach than
Ben and relied more on people
reading my manifesto and
going to the hustings. It does
pay to be nice to the other can-
didates for example when one
of Ben’s banners was ripped
down we fixed it up again and it
paid because he did the same
for me.
Nick, I think that one thing that
worked against me was that a
lot of the other candidates were
working together. I have tried
to be independent and rely on
people to read the manifesto.
Anne, It helps you to get
through the week if you get on
with the other candidates, and it
makes it easier to loose if you
know that the other candidates
will do the job well.
What do you think about the
issue of planted questions at
hustings?
Dan, I told everyone that I was
not going to plant questions
because I did not think there
was any need. I thought that I
could answer whatever was
asked.
Nick, It is unavoidable. It is
good if a candidate can stand up
to a planted question. Some
planting was quite obvious
particularly in the presidential
elections. But sometimes you
need to ask important direct
questions and you are not
allowed to, Hustings is defini-
ately flawed.
Ewen, I think that planting
questions is a bad thing and it
does happen. I don’t agree with
it but I will admit to having
done it myself because every-
one does it and if you don’t
then you are left out.
How did you spend your
twenty-five pound budget?
Kyle, I made a placard which
lasted until Marcus broke it, he
was waving it around and it just
snapped.
Nick, We bought three tins of
chocolates which was our best
buy, they were reduced. I also
bought my campaign manag-
er a milkshake.
Ewen, Part of my budget went
on lolli-pops just because I
think it is a nice gesture to
encourage people to vote,
rather than to bribe them to vote
for me.
How important do you think
personality is to candidates?
Emma, At the end of the day it
is a popularity vote. It is per-
sonalities not policies.
Nick, You get in on who you
know rather than whether you
are the best person for the job.
If this university wants the
best it should vote for the best
rather than those who fit in. I
believe that mush of the cam-
paign was a farce it was basi-
cally won or lost before you
had done the campaign.
What do you think about the
numbers of people who have
not voted?
Marcus, I believe that every-
9
by Lindsay Endean
one should vote. If you care so sion whether or not to get
little about the university that
you don’t vote then what are
you doing here. I think it should
involved in the union and so
thrusting it down their throats is
bad. I don’t know if the elec-
be declared a failure that only tions process actually does the
2000 people voted. union much good.
Ewen, It is easy to get some-
one to agree to vote for you but My overwhelming impression
it is hard to guarantee that they from personally speaking to the
will vote. twelve candidates was that they
Dan, It has taken us were all people who were pas-
twenty-four hours to get maybe sionate about the union and
1500 people to vote. That is devoted to improving it for the The Ben-efits of
disgraceful, if you think of the benefit of all students. The best Rugby Union
efficiency of getting twelve way of summing them up
people to persuade 1500 to comes from a quote that I
vote. At Birmingham they have recorded somebody saying on you is what makes you a good
8000 people voting so to win my tape but I am unfortunately candidate, the fact that one of
you have to get over 4000 unable to remember their face these people is going to win and
votes. You have to speak to (although I think his name was one of them is going to loose
4000 people and I am worried Steve), “How much it means to makes Surrey the looser”.
about speaking to 400.
= = =
How do you think the elec-
[1] votes RedistributedVotes Redistributed Votes
tions could be improved?
Andy, I hope that if I were to
do an election again that I
would not have to stand outside
voting and shout at people,
but in a situation where twelve
candidates are shouting there is
nothing you can do but shout.
Nick, The problem with bully-
ing tactics is that a lot of people
had not made up their minds
when they went to the ballot
and you had to be the last per-
son there giving them a flier or
a chocolate to make them
decide. Especially in Austin
Pearce there should have been
more space between candidates
and voters. Also with candi-
dates working together you are
effectively voting for both of
them, I would recommend
that candidates only support
themselves.
What would you say to the
comment that union sabbati-
cals are “controlled by the
senate”?
Kyle, We are the voices with
which the students can speak to
the senate.
Anne, We are not just working
for the union, we are making
the union work for the universi-
ty. I think that a lot of people
don’t realise this when they
vote.
Marcus, The question is, are
we making the union work for
the university or are we making
the university work for the
union.
Do you feel that as a candi-
date you have been promot-
ing awareness of the union as
well as yourself?
Sarah, It should have been
part of our campaigns because
so few people have voted.
Andy, We are going to have to
promote the union because the
sab titles have changed. If peo-
ple are not aware of this then
we may as well change the
titles back and save ten-thou-
sand.
Ben D, My manifesto was
about getting people aware and
getting them involved. I went
out to make sure that people
voted. Obviously if they voted
for me that was a bonus.
Marcus, I think that a lot of
people make a conscious deci-
ed990225.qxd 26/02/99 13:25
10
You're So Disco
hall we get on with it
"S then", 'Sci-Fi' Steven
says as we sit down
in the cosy setting of Wiija
Record's local, The Slug and
Lettuce. John 'Disco' is not
about, having gone home early.
Steven looks happy and enthu-
siastic, even after a full day of
"face to faces", "phoners", and
"e-mailers". And so he should
be, after all, Bis were more or
less totally rejected by the UK
music scene shortly after their
breakthrough performance on
Top Of The Pops with 'Kandy
Pop'. Since travelling the world
though, Japan have gone insane
for the Glasgow trio (their
debut album selling 100,000
copies in 2 weeks) as have
America, where they signed
with the Beastie Boys' label,
Grand Royal, last year. Manda-
'rin' enters the pub and takes a
seat, she to looks quite fresh.
Her trial-by-press on every-
thing from her political views
to her weight over the last few
years has not had such an age-
ing effect on her, as say Tim
from Ash (a band of similar age
who hit the charts around the
same time). So, after sell out
shows and critical acclaim
overseas what does it feel like
to return to relative obscurity in
the UK? "It's always strange
when we come back to the
UK", considers Steven, "I think
the reaction to Eurodisco was
quite good, it pissed a lot of
people off and lots of other peo-
ple liked it". 'Eurodisco' is only
the second Bis single to go top
40 in the UK (number 37 earli-
er this year) and as Steven puts
it "we had to put something out
that didn't sound like us".
With the arrival of Bis the
underground briefly became
the focus of media attention.
So what do they think of the
underground scene now two
years on? Manda is quick to
reply "there isn't much of an
underground scene anymore,
the underground has become
the mainstream". Manda sights
the reason for this to be that
Live This Week
February
25 Rae Christian @ London Kings College
26 1999 National Battle Of The Bands @
Reading Uni
27 Winner, TFL, Dissent @ Godalming
Wilford Noyce
Indian Ropeman @ Reading Alleycat
28 Gene @ Reading Uni
March
1 Mercury Rev @ London Forum
Jason Falkner @ London The Garage
2 Dot Allison @ London Improv Theatre
4 Cake @ London ULU
Page 10 (1,1)
An Interview with Bis
most independent labels have
now either folded or been
bought up by the larger majors.
She looks to America where the
underground scene is very
much alive and summarises
with "there's a market for it".
Steven's cynicism at the current
musical climate is obvious,
sighting the glut of bands trying
to pass themselves off as a
"high art concept". To him,
underground music should be
more about bands trying to do
ambitious pop with limited
funds. Manda then highlights
her problem with the under-
ground "people call you sell
outs if you do well, in America
people are pleased if you
chart!". Another aspect of the
underground, fanzines, are a
specialist topic of Bis. Manda
and Steven see many zines as
poor attempts to be like the
NME and as Manda puts it
"fanzines that are run for the
perks, like getting into our gigs
for free, really annoy me. They
make other fanzines look bad".
Bis are big (business) in Japan.
Having written music for a
Sony Playstation game and
endorsing a special Bis G-
Shock watch (which is "corpo-
rate as sh*t, but f*ck that" as
Steven neatly puts it) Bis are
currently being asked to allow a
book to be written about them.
Apparently it's a lot harder for
UK bands to be big in Japan
than they would have you
believe. Bis put their success
down to a strong image and
having something to say. "The
interviews are so intense in
Japan" stresses Manda "they
ask you about every lyric, and
we do interviews for boring
muso mags about our equip-
ment!". America is still a long
way from being conquered but
Manda considers it to be a slow
building process as you "can't
have a one hit wonder in
America". "So we've got a
Japan side, an American side,
and a British one where it's just
impossible..." Manda is quickly
cut in by Steven claiming she's
25/02/99
Manda-’rin’ - Photo by Andrew Thomas
being "a wee bit harsh" on the
UK!
As Bis recognise, it's tough
here, so how do they react to
press speculation that if they'd
signed to a major they would be
one of the many bands dropped
recently in the major label cull?
"That was f*cking Gary,
(Wiija's label boss) I should
punch him!" laughs Steven. He
continues to explain that when
Bis signed they went to the
interested labels (of which
there were allegedly 50+) with
a contract heavily weighted in
their favour. To drop them
would have cost any company
an awful lot of money. As
Steven then goes on to explain,
they have deals in the UK,
America and Japan. To be
dropped in the UK would not
kill Bis.
Something that obviously
determines a labels' attitude to
an 'act' is their profile in the
charts. Manda is not happy
with the new chart rules. "It's
so ridiculous, everything's
expected and it's all a big
cycle". She's not happy with
the lack of exciting packaging
either. As she puts it "I buy all ly boring to just write about tracks on the album experiment ing". Their main concern
my singles mail order from me" explains Manda. Steven with breakbeats and a more seems to be for the girls.
America, that's how bad it is explains the lyrics to the cur- dancefloor friendly approach. Unlike Bis, many of the new
now". rent single 'Action and Drama' But as Manda points out they're bands are under control from
as being about the "anti-person- still a band and not "a cam- male management and this is a
Bis are back in the UK primar- ality". Essentially Bis do not paign". bad thing to them. Manda
ily to support the release of see a place for faceless dance highlights that one of her
their second album, 'Social acts and the cult of the DJ in the What about the current crop of favourite bands is Sleater
Dancing', out in mid March. "If charts. Steven does consider new bands in the UK then? Kinney, who "are girls who are
enough people gave this album there to be a difference between Steven is concerned about the really talented, have control,
a chance it could win a Brit a 'credible' dance act, like bands that have allegedly fol- and are glamorous as well".
Award" asserts Manda, slipping Fatboy Slim, and a 'non-credi- lowed in their footsteps.
into mirthful giggles shortly ble' one such as the Vengaboys. "Kenickie are just embarrassing "Everyone has preconceptions
after. Steven sees the new The difference is in the way to listen to. I almost feel sorry of us, we're quite well estab-
songs as the best they've ever they write. "He's talented and for the Chicks, I hate to say it lished" says Manda, consider-
written, "It's so vital and new", you know his face" summarises but I don't really like them". ing the chances of success in
he enthuses. Manda just hopes Manda. But weren't Bis supported the UK. With the new album
people give it a chance and recently by a teen girl band, imminent it could well do
don't judge it on what they Bis themselves have become namely Vyvyan? "I wasn't everything they hope, including
thought of 'Kandy Pop'. Just something of a crossover dance overly impressed with them" winning them a Brit Award.
what inspires tracks like act. Manda refers to reviews in Steven reluctantly admits. But first people have to realise
'Shopaholic' and 'I'm a Slut' on Jockey Slot. The use of beats Manda appreciates their ambi- there's more to this trio than
the new album though? "I and samples is far more obvi- tion but thinks they could do pure sugar sugar kandy pop.
write them from a personal ous in the new material. Steven better. "We've always had
side, from experiences I've had recognises this as a difference ambition, you have to put a lot Andrew Thomas
or seen, I think it would be real- from their lo-fi past. Other of effort into your songwrit-
WIN!
DJ RAP SINGLES
We have 5 copies of the new single plus
videos up for grabs.
Simply send us a rap on what you thought
of the Sabatical elections (no more than 8
lines) and the top 5 will win!
e-mail entries to ps71at@surrey.ac.uk
before next Thursday
DJ Rap’s new single
“Everyday Girl”
Is released on the
15th March
ed990225.qxd 26/02/99 13:25
25/02/99
SINGLES
BLUR - Tender (Food)
You can just see Damon sitting at
home listening to ‘Blur’ and think-
ing what he could possibly do to
make his band any less commer-
cial. Then it strikes him. Beta Band
meets Alabama 3. Yeah, great idea.
Critical acclaim from the glossy
music press and a credibly low
level of sales. But, bad luck
Damon, you’ve written another
awkward smash hit. 8/10 A.T.
MINT ROYALE – Rock and Roll
Bar (Mint Royale)
Obviously by being Fatboy Slim’s
favourite ‘new band’ they are yet
another big beat clone. Another
claim to fame being that they pro-
vided the single mix for
Terrorvisions’ ‘‘Tequila’.
However, unlike most boring
generics this is rather good. A full
on, shooting from the hip, loop of
pure magic which should get them
a nice fat wedge of cash. 8/10 N.W.
MUSE - Muscle Museum EP
(Dangerous records)
What strikes me about this group is
the fact that they write intelligent
music, reminding me somewhat of
The Divine Comedy. Their title
track, ‘Muscle Museum’ is strong
on the melody initially, and then
moves slowly on to heavier guitars.
This is a really good EP, containing
5 unique tracks, without resorting
to remixing. 8/10 E.C.
ALBUMS
SEBADOH - The Sebadoh
(Domino)
“I feel like I’ve never been in a
band before” - Lou Barlow has
been rolling in the Sebadoh for over
ten years. Now he believes he’s
finally getting somewhere. “The
Sebadoh” (great title) is the band’s
latest and umpteenth long-player,
their most accessible collection to
date. Vocals are more harmonised
than on previous outings, but the
solid guitar-based backbone
remains. “Weird On The Way is
pure guitar-driven folk-rock, and
the top 30 single “Flame” is bizarre
brilliance (Gary Numan meets
Motown in a dark alley). But it’s
the slower tracks that stand above
the rest. “Tree” is acoustic inno-
cence in it’s loveliest possible form,
and “Love Is Stronger” is breath-
taking, in an “Eraserhead” kind of
way. Bold, beautiful and undoubt-
edly the best release of 1999 so far.
Hopefully this will give Lou the
commercial success he solely
ALBUM OF THE WEEK
SLEATER KINNEY - The Hot
Rock (Matador)
After the initial murmurs of
approval over their previous album
‘Dig Me Out’ last year ‘The Hot
Rock’ picks up from their previous
with 13 tracks of post riot grrrl
power. Guitars play off against each
other whilst vocals overlap and the
drums clatter away as more than
mere backing. Sleater Kinney have
issues, they tackle relationships in a
brutal way stating their rights and
needs. They are not simply lament-
ing over their trials like floppy
excuses for the female sex such as
Alanis Morissette and Sheryl Crow.
Many may find their slightly
aggressive sounding guitars discon-
certing for their middle of the road
adult orientated rock tastes but it’s a
sound that grows and infects your
psyche. And unlike Hole they aren’t
laughable stereotypes of what girls
with guitars should sound like.
Current single ‘A Quarter To Three’
completes the album in a vulnerable
and believable way. 9/10 A.T.
Page 11 (1,1)
MONSTER MAGNET - Space
Lord (A+M)
A huge seventies-sytled hard rock
track from the coolest metal band
on the planet. The laid back intro
slams into a space-rockin’ monster
of a song. The CD also includes the
video which sees main-Monster
Dave Wyndorf in a Puff Daddy pas-
tiche complete with chicks in mini-
mal clothing, big cars and lots of
cash. Ultra stylish. 8/10 R.W.
SHAWN MULLINS - Lullaby
(Columbia)
This has been gaining much expo-
sure from the likes of Virgin Radio
recently, and it’s not hard to see
why. A catchy Tom Petty-meets-
Eels style tune coupled with slick
production make this extremely
FM-friendly. The whole feel can
get a touch sickly at times though,
particularly the slightly Beverley
Hills 90210-like lyrics. Columbia
will love it however, and it makes a
change from the usual stuff on the
airwaves at the moment. 8/10
J.R.H.
SHERYL CROW – ‘Anything
But Down….’ (A&M Records)
The marriage of rock guitar and
brilliant lyrics makes Sheryl Crow
great to listen to. She is nothing
short of uplifting even when dis-
cussing a sad subject in a song.
‘Anything But Down…..’ is full of
deserves. 9/10 A.T.S.
BUILT TO SPILL - Keep It Like
A Secret (City Slang)
When Nirvana ended so abrubtly
they left a huge hole in the patch-
work of left-field American rock
music. The hole remained open
until Built To Spill released their
last album ‘Perfect From Now On’,
which as the title implied was per-
fect. So the question is, can Built
To Spill continue the perfection
with this new album, ‘Keep It Like
A Secret’? Once again, singer,
songwriter and guitarist Doug
Martsch has presented a selection
of achingly beautiful pop music
which continues, and indeed builds
on, the legacy of American rock.
This is a collection of emotional
pop songs with sweet melodies
welded to complex guitar work-
outs, climaxing with the magnifi-
cent ‘Broken Chairs’. Almost per-
fect. 9/10 R.W.
musical hooks to ensnare you. The
live version of ‘Leaving Las Vegas’
and her version of ‘Mississippi’ by
Bob Dylan are musical treats. 8/10
G.T.
WHITNEY HOUSTON – ‘It’s
Not Right But It’s Okay’ (Arista
Records)
In trying to please everyone, the
song has been remixed several
times. However, it will always be a
Whitney Houston single no matter
what they do with it. ‘It’s Not
Right But It’s Okay’ is both a great
song and dance track. The delicious
mix of rhythm and harmony woven
into a striking melody with an irre-
sistibly catchy chorus really works
well. 7/10 G.T.
LUCID - Crazy
The sequel to ‘I Can’t Help Myself’
is another club-hit-by-numbers
attempt, with the usual repetitive
synth hook. The Garbage-style
vocals though give this is a slightly
more mainstream indie feel which
could help see it follow its prede-
cessor into the charts. 6/10 J.R.H
STEREOPHONICS - Just
Looking (V2)
Not a cover of The Charlatans’
middling chart raider but a fairly
reasonable indie rock epic. In one
ear and out the other though, no one
is going to remember them for any-
thing other than ‘A Thousand
Trees’ (a reasonable indie rock epic
etc). 6/10 A.T.
KULA SHAKER - Mystical
Machine Gun (Sony)
NATACHA ATLAS - Gedida
(Mantra)
This is Natacha’s third solo album
and a very accomplished affair it is
too. This is not so much dance with
arabic overtones but much more
arabic music with a dance beat
carefully woven in. There is one
song in french and the rest are sung
in arabic ( at a guess). This you’d of
thought would make an album,
which relies quite heavily on the
vocals, dull but instead it holds the
interest more and makes it sound
more exotic. Whilst the lyrics may
be in arabic there is a translation of
them printed in the inlay but I
thought that reading them might
spoil the feel of the album so I did-
n’t. This is going to be the best
album of the year, at least for a pre-
dominately vocal album. 9/10 I.P.
THE GLORIA RECORD - The
Gloria Record (Crank!)
A musical world of limited ideas
has led to the use of new fangled
SINGLE OF THE WEEK
INCH - Inch (Regal)
Dirty great beats in a messy
soundscape with Mark E Smith
shouting lyrics in his own distinc-
tive way. The beats rasp away so
absurdly that you almost have to
wince. The ‘Dose Remix’ cleans
all the beats up and makes it
much more a straight drum n bass
affair. This is the greatest dance
single of the year (and not just
because it features Mark E
Smith). 9/10 I.P.
This sounds a bit like Robbie
Williams in some of his new things,
but the lyrics are totally strange.
The only thing that makes any
sense is a guy saying: -”Stay calm!
It’s just the end of the world! It’ll
be alright as long as we all keep
trusting”. Could this be a reference
to the current GM food crisis?
Who knows? 6/10 M.D.C.
ELCKA-Pleasure(Island)
The introduction sounds quite
promising: you think that the gui-
tars will lead to something quite
pleasant. But how wrong you are. It
electronic gadgetry to parade as
inspiration or yet more guitar
effects as innovation. To this end,
an old-fashioned approach to the
problem had been taken by The
Gloria Record - writing some tunes.
Yes, these songs have melodies and
everything. Honestly, its true.
Using folk-rock tendencies, The
Gloria Record have constructed the
most compelling, achingly beauti-
ful guitar epics....not ever - but
they’re in that ballpark. Calming
and warming, you feel like you’re
huddled up in front of some lavish
open fire with cookies and a hot
chocolate while the rain beats
unashamedly upon the window.
The introspective lyrics are sung so
with such twists and the sounds
beneath map out some imagined,
unspoilt parkland with such intri-
cate detail it is a rare record. 8/10.
D.J.
CASSIUS – 1999 (Virgin)
Yet another French house import,
very much similar to Daft Punk’s
‘Homework’, the tracks build up
from squelchy bass to mental hyste-
ria. Records like this prove house
music isn’t so bad after all. 8/10
R.G.
DJ KRUSH Kakuesi (Columbia)
This is Krush’s third album which
is a collaboration with many up and
coming DJs around the world to
bring us a totally instrumental
experience fused with panache. It
takes us on a trip around the globe,
bringing you back and forth into
enlightenment at each crossover,
with tracks like ‘Final home’ and
‘The Dawn’ caressing the inner self
to freedom and enjoyment. Yet I
wonder if this world is substantial
enough to feel for or just a hazy
memory. A weird and wonderful
mix of tranced loops and soulful
beats epitomizing Krush’s talent for
the lowdown abstract hip hop twist-
ed with elements of funk, jazz,
dub….. Best enjoyed late at night
with a smoke or two. 7/10 K.M.
THE CAPITOL CITY
DUSTERS - Simpicity (Dischord)
With more hooks than a well-
equiped fisherman this is the record
fans of electric guitars can use to
reconcile the lack of anything but
bursts into something that isn’t
quite sure where it is, almost as
though a group of musicians burst
in on the wrong session. The press
release compares it to Scott Walker.
Scott Walker my arse. It isn’t even
as good as something that clapped
out ponce would offer. Steer clear.
2/10 M.A.
DONNA DEE - Hooked (Mecca
Records)
Hooked You Will Be the press
release says. I dont think so. All the
tracks start off pretty promising but
I’m reaching the stop button before
theyve finished. This is her attempt
to switch from underground to a
more commercial setting and it
does not work. 4/10 A.S
manufactured rock. The press
release suggests it is a “unity of
spirit over style”, but, hey, without
knocking the spirit which I’m sure
is important to punk-rock types like
this, there is simply no lack of style
either. There’s eclecticity too. ‘The
Letter E’ indulges in Afghan Whigs
guitars, and with the roughed up
REM in ‘Not Me Know’ giving
way to a skirmish with Pixies and
the best power pop-rock of
‘Minutemen’ which cen only be
referenced to Sugar. The loss of
attention in places toward the end is
a poor use of the laser in your CD
player, but with the swift return to
form on ‘Seventeen’ it all seems
worthwhile. 7/10 D.J.
Carson. ‘A Vision’ (Warners)
The band formerly know as Jaguar
and now known as Carson, are the
latest addition to the ever expand-
ing list of Britrockers. Though most
Britrock bands give the world two
albums and fall off the face of the
earth, these guys should be around
for some time, well at least three
albums. As debuts go this is as
strong as Definately Maybe or
Pablo Honey. The album has a fair-
ly wide range from sweeping bal-
lads to driven guitars, yet full of
energy throughout. It has more than
its fair share of class tracks and to
top it all off, they are huge in Japan
and if that is not a indication of
greatness, what is ?. The bands first
single has gone so far un noticed
and is called ‘I Quit’, hopefully not
an indication that they have had
enough already. All the best is
wished and hopefully they don’t
fall down the drain of fabulous fail-
ures. 7/10 G.N.
DANNY TENAGLIA - Athens
(VF1)
The tenth instalment of the
Underground series sees America
DJ Danny Tenaglia mixing a few
records based on recent sets from
Athens. The record introduces a
number of unreleased tracks includ-
ing Yves Deruyters’ ‘Feel Free’ and
Tilt’s ‘Seduction of Orpheus’. In
doing this record Danny Tenaglia
follows in the footsteps of Paul
Oakenfold, Nick Warren, John
Digweed, the late Tony De Vit and
most recently Sasha. He therefore
11
FUSED - This Party Sucks!
(Sony)
A bit of Swedish funk mixed with
house and dance, intended to be
good for listening at home, howev-
er it is a big mess with no real
direction, becomes worse when it
begins to repeat itself over and
over. Equivalent to the recent
Brady Bunch re-make, but music-
wise. 3/10 M.D.C.
This weeks music team:
Andrew Thomas, Mario Dias,
Emma Clarke, Daniel Jones, Mark
De Lange, Adam Saxty, Georgina
Tarrant, Matt Anderson, Andrew T
Smith, Gareth Nolan, Ian Purvey,
James Hemingway, Rob Winder
has a hard act to follow, and on ini-
tial impressions does not quite suc-
ceed. The record seems not to get
out of first gear. However as with
all double CDs it does take a bit of
listening before being fully appreci-
ated. While the first CD plods
along the second CD does finish on
a strong note with Fanatic,
Barbarus and Yves Deruyter all
standing out. 6/10 A.S.
JULIAN COPE Leper Skin
(Island)
This album is the best of Julian
Cope from two periods of his career
1986-88 and 1991-92 giving us his
biggest singles ‘World shut your
mouth’ and ‘Beautiful love’ .
Classic rock roll angst dusted with
the drugged fueled adrenaline of
Cope’s mental capacity. An illusive
flashback to Cope’s world, one led
by guitar frolics and junked up
fashion. A one for fans only I am
afraid, yet if you are brave enough
a tasty tad bit to the strange world
of Cope. 6/10 K.M.
Q-BURNS ABSTRACT MES-
SAGE - Feng Shui (Astralwerks)
It’s amazing what you can do with
a ‘Tomy’ keyboard these days, or
so this album suggests....O.K, that
might sound a little harsh, there are
a couple of tracks on this electronic
dance debut which show some
potential. The opening track ‘He’s
A Skull’ cruises along stylishly
with a thumping bass-line, crisp
drums and hypnotic pianos. On the
other hand, ‘Solar Car’ is a bloody
awful song - a painful five and a
half minutes of cheesy 80’s drums
with annoying tweeky bits thrown
on top. The rest of the album paces
along like a dead slug, never
exceeding mediocre levels (there
are many moments when your fin-
ger hovers over the “stop” button).
The positive soul-funk of ‘Kinda
Picky’ is a temporary lifeline, but
can only manage to keep the album
afloat for a little while, before it
inevitably sinks to the bottom like a
stone. 3/10 A.T.S.
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12 25/02/99

What’s On in Guildford A Night At The Roxbury

Coming up in the area over the next few weeks. THE GOSPEL ACCORDING
TO...Chris Kattan and Will
Ferrell
Guildford Civic Hall (01483 444555)
WHEN DID YOU START
Boogie Night Fever (26th Feb / 7.30pm – 1.00am / Tickets £10) Get ready for the return of the funki- SHOOTING THE FILM?
est 70’s night in town. ‘Boogie Night Fever’ gives you the very best seventies disco and funk grooves, C: 1984 ... no, two sum-
with the emphasis firmly on fun, glamour and of course tasteless clothing! mers ago.
The Hollies (27th Feb / 7.30pm / Tickets £12.50 - £16.50) The Hollies have been producing hit songs WERE THE 80”s A BIG
for a staggering 35 years. Often imitated, they were original masters behind such classics as ‘Air That INFLUENCE?
I Breathe’ (a recent hit for Simply Red), ‘Just One Look’, ‘He Ain’t Heavy, He’s My Brother’ and C: It still has predomi-
many more. Catch the Hollies at their very best, live on stage! nant value in Los Angeles,
that’s where we got a lot of the
Richard Digance (28th Feb / 8.00pm / Tickets £9.50 & £11.50) One of the funniest all round per- inspiration for the bad clothing.
formers in the business today he returns to the Guildford Civic with yet more tales, anecdotes and his
trusty guitar. WERE YOU INTO THE
CLUB SCENE?
Solid Silver 60’s Show (3rd Feb / 7.45pm / Tickets £10.50 - £15.50) Back by popular demand ‘The W: We went to clubs as a
Solid Silver 60’s Show’ returns to the Guildford Civic! ‘The Solid Silver 60’s Show’ features Peter joke, to scope people out as
Noone, Freddie and the Dreamers, Billy J. Kramer and the Dakotas, and the unforgettable Brian research. We were in a comedy
Poole. Don’t miss out on this swinging sixties show! troupe in LA called The
Groundlings. That’s how we
saw this one guy standing up
Guildford’s Yvonne Arnaud Theatre (01483 440000) against the wall. We were with
a group of friends messing
Suddenly Last Summer (Wed 3 Mar to Sat 13 Mar / Times vary / £10 to £21.50) By Tennessee around, standing next to him,
Williams. Warehouse Productions now return to stage Williams’ chilling tale of motherly love. Set in mocking him.
an exotic and macabre tropical garden, in the oppressive heat of a New Orleans’ summer, the tension C: He was scoping the
slowly rises as we move inexorably toward the truth about Sebastien Venables’ savage death, explod- room for some woman to look
ing with a final and haunting revelation. at him, or some kind of atten-
tion, but obviously not getting
Loot (Tues 23 Feb to Sat 27 Feb / Times vary / £10 to £20.50) Joe Orton’s Loot is one of it at all.
the funniest plays of the ‘60s. Orton’s comic masterpiece is packed with brilliant one-liners W: If he looked in my
direction I would stop, if he
and situations which are hilariously constructed and absurdly resolved.
looked in Chris’ he would stop.
We were just performing for
our friends, the poor guy! He
The New Victoria, Woking (01483 761144) hasn’t found out, or he’d have
sued us.
Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat (Mon 22 Feb to Sat 6 Mar / Times vary / £7.50 C: We’ve had so many
to £21) One of the most popular and successful musicals of all time. A joyously entertaining show people coming up to us saying
guaranteed to bring a smile to your face and a tear to your eye, Joseph is a sparkling rainbow mix not ‘I know that guy’, ‘it’s me’ or
to be missed. ‘my brother’. We were at the
Met Bar, that’s the place that
Wilde Theatre @ South Hill Park Arts Centre, Bracknell (01344 these guys would die to get in.
We’re sitting at this table, and
484123) people are going ‘that’s the
cool table. That’s the table
Hushabye Mountain (Wed 24 Feb to Sat 27 Feb / 8.00pm / £8 to £10) by Jonathan Harvey. where Rod Stewart and his wife
Hushabye Mountain is about the reality of living with AIDS today. Gutsy, funny and often broke up at’!
moving, written by one of the country’s most brilliant playwrights, is a bittersweet comedy
TELL ABOUT THE
of life and the relationships within it.
SOUNDTRACK?
W: There’s definitely a
Compiled by Hossein Motevalli
whole area of dance music
that’s popular - It’s bubblegum,
Holy Man (PG) Out Now
It’s fun.
Director: Stephen Herek
C: But Mr. Haddaway is
Starring: Eddie Murphy,
Jeff Goldblum and Kelly yet to give us a call. We
revived his career!
Preston
ARE YOU GOING TO
The latest offering from RELEASE A SINGLE
wise-guy Eddie Murphy FROM THE SOUND-
neither gives us the serious TRACK?
C: Well, not alone!
Eddie nor the outrageously
Unless you really want one!
funny Eddie. Instead, with
W: I was in Toronto,
this film, we get a mildly
amusing, pleasant yet unin- they have a music video station
called Much Music - there was
spiring story. Ironically
this Haddaway video. I didn’t
Murphy’s character is sup- know they had a video for that
posed to be an inspirational here the plot gets very pre- never explains why G’s song - it was this strange
evangelist – well he does get dictable. Murphy’s guru, G, speeches about steering bondage video.
half of America to look at is the man to save Ricky clear of materialism actually C: So that’s what ‘What
is Love’ is about! Love is
their lawns. (Goldblum) his job. G is sell the things. This is a
bondage!
enlisted to join the morally spoof of religious commer-
The plot is interesting if not vacant world of a home- cialism run rampant but is
a little pointless. Eddie HOW MUCH OF YOUR-
shopping cable network and never really as satirical as it
SELVES ARE IN YOUR
Murphy is apparently a persuade the watching audi- could have been. Apart from
CHARACTERS?
wandering pilgrim spouting ence to part with their hard Murphy, Goldblum provides W: Well I still live at home.
psycho-babble and while on earned cash. a refreshing performance. C: I’m a lot sleazier than you!
his journey – to where we’re Kelly Preston does well as W. I’m not as dumb as that guy!
never told – he bumps into The film does well in ridi- the love interest. Don’t fall
WILL PEOPLE PERCEIVE
Jeff Goldblum, who plays a culing the home shopping far the spiritual chat it’s not
AT AS JUST ANOTHER
shopping channel executive phenomenon and the audi- worth your money. 4/10
who’s got a problem – his ence that supports it, but the Hossein Motevalli SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE
ratings are falling. From FILM?
script has many flaws. It
C:
There’s a
strange bias
towards films
that have spun
off from
sketches on the
show.
W: T h e
track record is
about 50/50,
which is pretty
much the same
for any film.
We just think
the film stands
on it’s own feet.
HOW LONG
WERE YOU
DOING THE
CHARAC-
TERS ON
THE SHOW? as on Clueless and Fast Times
C: A couple of seasons. at Ridgemont High, she was the
They didn’t have names, no- catalyst behind it.
one knew who they were, they C: It’s her style, It’s
were just those tacky.
guys in the club. W: It’s like a fantasy. If
it was realistic, it would be
HOW DID YOU GET really pathetic!
RICHARD GREICO ARE YOU HAPPY WITh
INVOLVED? THE WAY IT WENT?
C: We wanted to have W: Yeah!
an idol that the two guys would C: I’m not! I’m work-
look up to. ing in the alley again.
W: We kept saying it W: We had to start from
would be great if it was a scratch. the obvious things like
Richard Greico type. luckily he how they sound when they
found it funny. spoke and what their character
C: He said ‘God this is traits were. Amy helped us
funny, this used to be me. I make them likeable, they ended
used to ride my motorbike with up becoming these loveable
Mickey Rourke, we used to get losers.
into fights...”
ARE YOU DOING ANY-
W:He used to wear these
THING ELSE WITH THE
leather jackets.
C:And say ‘I have a pet wolf! CHARACTERS?
W: These scratches on his arm - W: We have to do them
‘my wolf’! on the Show, because they have
C:‘My snake bit me last night’! the rights to them.
C. It’s great for a quest
HOW DO YOU THINK THE to come on and do that third
AMERICAN HUMOUR guy spot ... we’ve had Jim
WILL CARRY OVER Carrey, Tom Hanks, Jack
Nicholson, Sylvester Stallone.
HERE?
W: We’re totally curious. Why would these people want
C: Like, I wonder what to do it?
they think of that? W: The last person we
had on was Cameron Diaz. On
DO YOU ADMIRE ANY that sketch, we approached her
the way we always do, but she
BRITISH COMEDIANS?
C: No! People now? A turned out to be tougher than
lot of people we don’t know, us.
that’s the sad part. We’d recog-
nise people from Shakespeare WILL YOU BE WORKING
in Love. There’s the greats like TOGETHER MORE ON
Peter Sellers, Alan Bennett. SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE?
W: I actually got fired,
so 1 won’t be coming back.
WHAT SORT OF VENUES
DID YOU PERFORM WITH C: I’m going to stay
another twelve years. We all
THE GROUNDLINGS?
C: Strip clubs, a lot of have our different things.
alleys. Personal shows! No,
The Groundlings has its own Competition Time
theatre. I tried to dosome stand
up, but it wasn’t too successful! To win goodies from A Night
At The Roxbury answer this
simple questio:
WERE YOU WORRIED
THAT A SKETCH MIGHT
Q: Who are the two stars fea-
NOT STRETCH TO A FEA-
tured
TURE LENGTH FILM?
W: Our original inten-
tion was that here were these 1st Prize: T-shirt, leopard skin
two guys and when a girl walks boxer shorts, personal stereo
up they just attack her. and compact mirror.
C: We never had grand 2nd Prize: 3 sets of : T-shirt
designs like we’re going to turn and compact mirror.
this into a movie...
W: Amy Heckerling, one
of the producers on it, as well
ed990225.qxd 26/02/99 13:25 Page 13 (1,1)

25/02/99 13
THE CARLSBERG ICE
COMEDY NETWORK
BY DAVE GORMAN
comedians. Genius. laughing at himself for 300 people joining
a Barry worshipping cult. At the end of the
Looking back it is difficult to believe that show he insisted on getting onstage to take
no-one had thought of it before. But, so it a bow. With no encouragement from us,
was that in 1992 a motley collection of eager 300 people spontaneously decided it would
raditionally all comedians hate

T entertaining students. Of course I

don’t mean to suggest that if you are
an entertaining student all comedians will
young acts were found in all manner of
South London Bed-sits and sent out to 12
venues. They returned, wide eyed with won-
der and sleep deprivation with fantastic tales
be fun to throw their glasses at him.

Far be it from me to condone violence, and

I have to say it’s a good thing that they
hate you. No, no. Far from it. I know a stu-
to tell of life on the road. One act regaled all were plastic glasses. It also has to be said
dent at Wolverhampton who, with only the
of Clapham with stories of his time in that Barry brought it on himself. He spent
smallest sample of your urine, can accu-
Yorkshire. He had bought food for beads and the evening antagonising 300 people and
rately* guess your star sign. He’s highly
trinkets and claimed that the locals had been then stood before them with his arms out-
entertaining and a thoroughly nice chap to
transfixed by a little torch on his car keys. Of stretched waiting to be greeted as their
boot. No, what I mean is that comedians
course, he turned out to be a liar and a buf- messiah. Well, let he who is without beer
traditionally hate the task of entertaining
foon and hasn’t worked since. cast the first plastic. The technicians were
some students.

This is partly to do with the fact that most

That was 6 years ago now and in the mean
time the Comedy Network has grown to
student gigs used to be crap. A grotty bar,
take in 40 venues. Entertaining students is
no publicity, and a microphone that was
no longer the hated task of old, it’s become
specially tuned to share a frequency with
something that I, and others, genuinely
the local minicab company seemed to be
look forward to. And it’s given me some
the industry standard. When I was a stu-
very memorable nights.
dent how often did I hear: “3 blokes go into
a pub...pick up in the city centre who wants
A couple of years ago I was sharing the bill
it?... and the first bloke says...Red 6: I said
with Brendon Burns. Brendon is a loud and
the top buzzer you nonce...” It kind of
lairy Australian or, to avoid the tautology,
ruins one’s comic timing.
I might as well just say that Burnsy is
Australian. We were doing Southampton
But, once upon a time, a wise man thought
together on what happened to be his birth-
to himself ‘why not put together a co-ordi-
day. The gig was strange. OK, but strange.
nated nation-wide network of comedy
aimed at students’. As is common with wise
Now, the unofficial rules of heckling go
men (wisdom being their stock in trade) it
something like this: You heckle, you get
was a good idea and so the Carlsberg Ice
put down, you feel a fool, you shut up. But
Comedy Network was born. Not only could
we had Barry. Barry was the most persis-
they put together a package of shows fea-
tently stupid and stupidly persistent heck-
turing good quality acts but they could put a
ler I have ever known. All night he heck-
nice young man with bleach blond hair in
led, all night he got put down, all night he
charge to make sure that every venue had
looked a fool. The only person in the room
bundles of posters sent to them and advice
who didn’t think that Barry was a fool, was
on how to run a comedy night, viz.: make
Barry. Some synapse in his brain was fus-
sure that the audience can see and hear the
ing causing him to mistake the 300 people
fantastic. First, a Green Day CD came
blaring out to accompany what was now
the finale. then, just to give it that extra
visual element, a strobe. And let me tell
you that something as seedy as several
hundred plastic pint pots raining down
through a strobe can suddenly take on a
kind of poetic beauty when you know that
the recipient is Barry.
It was a lovely moment. I wish I had it on
video to show to future hecklers as a warn-
ing of how things might turn out. No matter
how well organised things are, there might
be a Barry in the crowd and it might turn to
chaos. Beautiful, glorious chaos in that
instance, but chaos none the less. But that
kind of thing is only special because it’s rare
and as glad as I am that I was there to see it,
I’m gladder that I’ve only ever seen it once.
Far better that the majority of gigs involved
people saying funny things and audiences
laughing at them. And that’s how it is on The
Carslberg Ice Comedy Network. a lovely
bundle of gigs with the odd googlie thrown
in to keep you on your toes. Tasty.
*Accuracy: approximately 1 in 12.
Dave Gorman
”The most polished new-comer
on the circuit” (independent on
Sunday), Dave is a major new
force in comedy. In 1995 he
hosted THE COMEDY ZONE
at The Edinburgh Festival, a
show case for new talent which,
in previous years, has featured
Harry Hill, Stewart Lee and
Alan Parker-Urban Warrior.
With his laid back delivery and
sharp observations he was
immediately picked by The
Guardian as “‘the one to
watch”. Dave has since under-
taken two national tours - the
first with Simon Day, from
BBC2’s THE FAST SHOW and
the second as a headliner in his
own right. BACK TO BACK BA
FTA WINNING WRITER
“A comic with formidable writ-
ing talents.”’ (The Scotsman),
Dave Gorman has worked with
some of the biggest names in
comedy. With Caroline Aherne,
Dave has co-written the hit
BBC1 comedy series THE MRS
MERTON SHOW, which has
won BAFTA’s two years running
- 1996 BAFTA for Best
Entertainment Series, and 1997
BAFTA for Best Chat Show.
Dave Gorman has also collabo-
rated with Steve Coogan, The
Fast Show and Simon Munnery
whom he teamed up with to co-
write The Sony Award
Winning ALAN PARKER’s 59
MINUTES OF TRUTH, (BBC
Radio 1 FM).
Having sold out at The Edinburgh
Festival in 1996 & 1997, Dave
returned with his new solo stand
up show for 98. Entitled
“Reasons To Be Cheerful”, the
show was based around the 1979
lan Dury pop song, offering a
verse-by-verse dissection and dis-
cussion, described as “extraordi-
narily inventive ... astounding”
(The Herald).

Robin INCE
Robin’s comedy career began
at the Edinburgh Festival where
he was placed second in the
final of C4’s SO You THINK
YOU’RE FUNNY COMPETI-
TION.

Since then his TV credits

include presenting a half-hour
documentary for Granada TV’s
Festival series and featuring on
ITV’s new comedy magazine
programme LAUGHING
MATTERS. He has made
numerous appearances on
Channel 5, appeared in COME-
DIANS IN CRISIS (C4) and in
PUB FICTION with AI Murray
for Carlton TV. He has also
made three appearances on
Holland’s version of NEWS-
NIGHT performing mono-
logues on UK current affairs. Kerb, Glee Club, Meccano Records.
Robin’s radio credits include etc). His performance is highly
regular contributions to BBC improvised, and on any given ‘,’A rising star .. shifting easi-
Radio 4’s AFTERNOON night might include physics, ly from hunt sabotage to The
SHIFT and to the CLAIRE hermaphrodites and John Peel. Smiths”
STURGESS SHOW on XFM, As well as being a core member The Guardian
where he was also writer/pro- Of CINERGY, the multimedia
ducer of the breakfast show. evening at the ICA, Robin has “‘A brilliant comic with a
He was a monthly guest on toured South Africa and genius for improvisation”
THE SIMON FANSHAWE Bosnia (culminating in per- Time Out
SHOW (Talk Radio), guests forming to 1500 squaddies in
frequently on GLR and has an aircraft hangar with The “Tremendously talented.. his
appeared on BBC Radio Stranglers). performance shone, go and
Scotland’s THE USUAL SUS- He has recently finished writ- see him.’-’
PECTS. ing and filming a sketch show BBC Radio 4
for Rapid Pictures (CABARET
He gigs extensively on the UK AT JONGLEURS) and is now “An excellent performer.”
circuit and is also highly in writing a comedy album with GLR
demand as a compere (Off The Ricky Gervais (XFM) for Fire BAFTA WINNER 1996 & 1997
ed990225.qxd 26/02/99 13:26 Page 14 (1,1)

14 25/02/99

Crossword No 95 Dr Russ Personals

Across
1. An inhabitant of Spain (6)
4. Raised platforms (6)
8. A leaf chewed in the East (5)
9. Gradually grow smaller (7)
10. Sheds propped against
walls (4-3)
11. An Eskimo canoe (5)
12. Spellbound (9)
17. Parts of eggs (5)
19. Vivid picture (7)
21. Thrust oneself forward (7)
22. Waterside plant (5)
23. A slimmer (6)
24. Dried fruit (6)
Solution to No. 94
Across: 1.bemuse 4.acacia
9.despair 10.roles 11.ghyll
12.volleys 13.compart-
ment18.titanic 20.cacti
22.flood 23.triumph
24.senile 25.red-cap
Down: 1.bodega 2.musty
Down
1. Talk foolishly (6)
2. Gratify to the full (7)
3. Not illuminated (7)
5. Trifling ornament (7)
6. Dizzy (5)
7. Furtive (6)
9. Take to pieces (9)
13. Fancy dress (7)
14. Decorated kind of china (7)
15. Minor route (2-4)
16. Forcible restraint (6)
18. Machine for turning (5)
20. More vile (5)
3.scallop 5.Cyril 6.colleen
7.assist 8.prevaricate
14.outworn 15.machine
16.staffs 17.mishap
19.nodal 21.comic
Compiled by
Jeff Blackham
Dear Russ
Why do some employers use
tests and what advice can you
give me to improve my per-
formance?
Dear Bhupinder
Employers use tests because
they have found that interviews
don’t always provide them with
all the information they need
about a candidate. For exam-
ple, if they want an up to date
measure of how good you are
at reasoning with numbers, a
test provides a more accurate
measurement than a question
during an interview - however
persuasive your answer!
There are basically two types
of test. The first sort are
designed to measure different
aspects of your personality
such as your sociability or your
assertiveness. They are not
usually timed and there are no
right answers. It is best to
answer these as honestly as you
can rather than by trying to
give answers which you think
the employer wants you to
give.
The other kinds of test are
timed. They are known as apti-
tude tests and are used to mea-
sure your ability in some area.
For example, how good are you
at working with figures, can
you recognise patterns, are you
good at reasoning with words,
and so on. The key to doing
well is to take full advantage of
the preparation time. When the
instructions are read out, make
quite sure you understand what
you are asked to do. Make the
most of this opportunity to ask
questions while you can. Once
the test starts it is out of the
question! You’ll have practice
examples to try. Don’t worry
about holding everyone up if
you find these difficult. It is
vital you get the gist of what is
required before the real ques-
tions start. Thereafter, try to
work - quickly and accurately.
Some tests start easily and lull
you into a false sense of securi-
ty. Don’t be fooled! They
often get more difficult as the
test proceeds and you realise
you don’t have as much time as
you thought.
Finally, try to stay calm even if
you think you’ve done badly.
Tests only form part of the
selection process and you can
aim to improve your overall
performance through doing
well in other exercises.
Russ Clark
Careers Service
■ ‘Dazed and Confused’ seeks
A.A.Milne, urgently. AH
■ My bro has asked The
Question, to his other- what
hope is there for me and mine
?! AH
■ Help me I’m a LHBNF & I
can’t see round the side of my
nose.
■ D-day approaches for Mark,
will he shave it all off or look
like a hot cross bun.
■ Twinkle wins toptastic
cheerleader by unanimous
decision. Go Emma yeh, yeh,
yeh
■ Men + Bo’s + women = a
great time had by all.
■ Did you enjoy your
TURKEY on Sunday? Was it
juicy?
■ Now is that a code or what?
■ 1/2 Price Train Ticket to
Scotland over Easter Break.
(Dates coincide with Hiking
Tour) For more info Contact:
blackbr2@hotmail.com
■ T.M. has finally come out of
his closet
■ Are there NO single men out
there?
■ R&L - just aren’t funny
■ Louise, welcome to
■ Arpita KHANNA... are u a
refugee?
■ R.TUTT (a.k.a.PIPPIN
WOMAN or P.G).....THROW
ME A FRIGGING BONE!
■ J.BEGUM...GIVE OUR
LOVE TO YOUR NEW
PADDY FIELD WORKER
HUSBAND
■ JOY...(HOW IS IT HANG-
ING MY LITTLE MONA
LISA!)
■ ARPITA do u know what he
is looking for yet?
■ Nobodys perfect but being
welsh is as close as you can
get....
■ This is bad crack Chris, like!
■ Kyle says it REALLY didn’t
hurt.
■ Jim Leigh/James Leigh -
confusing that - but we do have
a Mike
■ Does the whole world know
about my, ahem, jewellery?
■ Go on try it, you might like
it.
■ A very happy birthday to Jon
from all your friends and house
66!!!
■ To my little bitch girl A, you
patrannoying mongy- love ya.
■ nice to see you are well

NOTICES
Guildford, but beware of those again charlie and fully cabable
first years! of being your bitchy self again,
■ Laura K-Who was the pissed love yaxxx
bird at the ball. From your ■ Have you seen that young
Coffee/Tea maker. actress called Liz?; She’s the
Ballroom Dancing £48.50 which has been sent ■ Happy 19th Birthday Caz-a- bubbliest babe in the biz;
to the Jeans for Genes cam- Waz. Love ya lots, from your ■ Like finest champagne; She
Society AGM March paign which supports 4 insane housemates tobe. bewitches the brain; And
3rd 7.30pm University Hall charities who research ■ Happy Birthday Paul. Love enchants with her sparkle and
genetic disorders. 38SH&Co. fizz
Trampoline club ■ Sources from the Costa ■ Thank you GJ & GK for a
AGM ANGLICAN Brava suggest that 16-30 year top night out! Lets do it again!
old females are being shipped GA xxx
3rd March 6.45pm
CHAPLAINCY to the countryside by the bus- ■ Happy v-day Registered
Campusport load. Mental Health, you may have
There is now a Sunday
Japanese Society ■ Mrs.Paddy Fields aka improved at Strip Rummy, but I
Service on Campus at a still have the Upper Hand -
J.Begum - dont go blowing
AGM 26th Feb 99 civilised time, open to all those horns Public Mental Correction
19.30 - 20.30 TB10 donomonations: 11.30 am in
the QUIET CENTRE.
Christian Union (includes optional Holy
AGM 3rd March 6pm Communion). Contact
LTA Robon Harvey x2754
Wind Band AGM 8th <r.harvey@surrey.ac.uk>
March 8.30 pm
Foyer in PATS Building SILLY NIGHT - In
association with
Jeans for Genes NIGHTLINE
Thank you to everyone who Wednesday 3rd March
supported the Jumble Sale Nightline will be handing
on Thurs 11th Feb in the out FREE Condoms as you
Union. The sale raised leave.
ed990225.qxd 26/02/99 13:26 Page 15 (1,1)
25/02/99
Surrey Pride Star Profile
Number 14, Ben McCauley
SPORTS INTERNATIONAL
Kafelnikov Runs
Henman Over For
Indoor Title At
Rotterdam
Yevgeny Kafenikov won the
$135,000 first prize at the
ABN AMRO indoor World
Tennis Tournament Sunday
after a scintillating 6-2, 7-6
(7-3) victory over Tim
Henman. The first point of
the game was a sign of things
to come: seventh-ranked Sporting Correspondent
Henman stayed back on his
Vital Stats; first serve and lost a fine 14-
Age: 23
stroke rally. After four aces
Dept: Materials Science & Engineering
in his first two service
Nicknames: Big Mac, Brummie Skip
games, the British third
Measurements: It’s all large [and lumpy? - see a Specialist - Sports
seed’s first serve deserted
Ed]
him and he lost the match’s
Sporting Interests (and why?): Rugby (Is it not obvious?)
first
Marital Status: Firmly Attached
break point to go 3-2 down.
Personal Info; Kafelnikov, broke Henman
again in the seventh game
What is your favourite feature? My long flowing locks
and ran away with the set.
[please proof read your spelling BEFORE you submit, Big Boy!]
Henman changed tactics and
What do you go for in a woman? Someone who can put up
went on the offence, serving
with me! [or someone who can put me up after a sniff of the follow-
and volleying successfully in
ing...]
the first game of the second
Favourite Drink? A pint of Tetley at Brett’s Bar & Bistro (The
set. The more attacking style
Varsity)
paid off when Henman broke
Favourite Food? Cornflakes
in the fourth game to start a
Favourite Music? Currently ‘One Week’ by the Bare Naked Ladies
sequence of three service
(as opposed to One Wa#k over the Bare Naked Ladies!)
breaks which Henman
Sporting Info: stopped with a dynamic love
What does Surrey Sport give you? A job next year and good game on serve to lead 5-2.
friends. But again Kafelnikov
What is your; switched up a gear, coming
most memorable moment in Surrey Sport? Being 1st XV back to 5-5 with a fine series
Captain when we won the league and then missing the party due to of running passes as
falling asleep in the bath [dangerous sport, the Bubblebathalon] unforced errors crept into
Henman’s game. With
funniest moment you can recall from your days at Surrey?
Well, my most embarrassing (funniest for everyone else) was being Kafelnikov leading 4-3 in the
punched by my ex-girlfriend at last years Colours Ball for not shag- tiebreaker, the Russian pro-
ging two girls whilst on tour (It’s a long story). duced the shot of the match, Diving, feigning injury and
worst injury? Dislocated shoulder and torn ligaments playing a running backhand winner any kind of cheating will
Esher Fireflies in my second year that kept me out for almost a sea- fractionally above the net. become an automatic yellow
son. Henman netted a volley on card offence next season,
worst STD? 01384 Brierley Hill. (if you want to know ask Cazza) the next point to trail 6-3 and soccer’s International Board
Do you have any sporting superstitions? Never let Cliffy Kafelnikov calmly won the ruled last week. The game’s
near a Sports Profile [there’s seven years bad luck, then!] match on his first match rule-making body issued the
How does Surrey Sport affect your Social/Private life? point.
Aren’t they one and the same thing?
Is sex better before or after sport? Before, I’m usually to tired or Lazio Gets Revenge mer World Cup, where play-
drunk afterwards.
On Inter And
Who is your sporting role model? Jason Munday,
because he taught me everything I know [that must have taken bloody Remains Top Of
minutes!] Serie A
Which sports personality would you most like to meet? Sergio Conceicao fired in a
Martin Johnson rebound in the first half
Sum yourself up in 3 words? Big, Bald, Black-Country- Sunday to lead Lazio past
Boy (I know it’s 5 words but I’m not a Brummie!) UEFA Cup holders Inter
Swallow’s nominated question; Will you prefer whips or Milan 1-0, bolstering the
Roman club’s bid for its first
sticks in your attempts to control the untameable Sport’s
Serie A title in a quarter of a
Administrator in the cuboidal arena known as the Sport’s
century. Luca Marchegiani
Office? Whips. Or, as PC Taylor said, I could just get her to
made a late, acrobatic save
make the tea. [Honest, Guv, she fell down the stairs and that IS
on veteran striker Roberto
her signature on the statement, but she won’t recognise it even Baggio’s shot in the dying
if she DOES make it out of the coma!] seconds to preserve the vic-
Now that you are a Star of the Pride, which question would tory for Lazio, which took
you like added to the profile list for next weeks Surrey Star, home its lone league champi-
Ultimate Frisbee hero, Ben McCormack. onship in 1974. Lazio, which
lost to Inter in last season’s
Could you please explain why a personal submitted last year
UEFA Cup final and again in
lead me into a barrel load of trouble with my girlfriend, away
this year’s Italian Cup com-
over the week in question, who was dismayed to read what a
petition, has won 10 of its
‘Ben Mc’ had been upto, on her return?
last 11 league games to move
Thankyou, Mr. Sports Officer elect, it’s been a pleasure top the table. Playing yet
having you in the office pushing my buttons and playing again without injured star
with my mouse. Not that I could understand a word you striker Ronaldo, Inter fell to
where saying of course, not being from down in the Black sixth place. AC Milan pulled
Country. Anyone wishing to start hassling Ben about into second place, two points
behind Lazio, by beating
minibuses, budgets or the Millennium Colours Ball, please
Cagliari 1-0 thanks to an
wait until July before you STOP, as I’m sure he’ll be happy
own-goal by veteran defend-
to listen to queries as of now. Mr. McCormack, if you could
er Matteo Villa, who acci-
head to the BF office on Monday afternoon please, and
dentally deflected in a header
we’ll try not to lose your article this time!!
by Milan’s German striker
Oliver Bierhoff. AC Parma
George Pavlou
also kept pace with a 2-1 vic-
tory at Salernitana. Defender
Fabio Cannavaro scored for
the first time in three years
and Croatia’s Mario Stanic
added Parma’s other goal.
Elsewhere, Juventus won its
second straight game under
new coach Carlo Ancelotti,
downing Vicenza 2-0,
though Juve remain 12 points
off the top. In other games,
striker Roberto Carlos struck
twice in Udinese’s 4-0 rout
of Bari; Giuseppe Signori
missed a penalty but
redeemed himself with a late,
insurance goal as Bologna
beat last-place Empoli 2-0;
Sampdoria snapped a 13-
game winless streak by hold-
ing off Piacenza 3-2, and
Venezia edged Perugia 2-1.
FIFA’s New Rules :
Fake Injuries,
Dives Will Now Get
Yellow Cards
edict in reaction to wide-
spread cheating at last sum-
ers deliberately tumbled to
the ground when they
weren’t even touched either
to get penalties awarded to
them or get opponents sent
off. The International Board,
which also includes members
of the four British soccer
associations, also announced
it is looking at experiments
to use two referees on the
field and high technology to
decide whether the ball has
crossed the line. A goal-line
technology experiment has
already been used this season
at English Premier league
club Sheffield Wednesday.
According to reports, the
Sheffield experiment
involves some kind of
modem attached to the ball
which sets off a signalling
device placed behind the line
inside the goal. The signal is
then passed onto the referee
by means of an electronic
pad attached to his arm. One
experiment which appears to
be over is one that took place
in Belgium where throw-ins
were replaced by kick-ins.
But there are no plans to
include it in the rules.
Campusport News
EVALUATION - of the
Campusport programme will
be taking place beginning
Mon 22nd Feb. Various inter-
viewers will be entering
classes and courses and ask-
ing for your forthright views
on the provision, service, tim-
ings etc. Please be candid and
positive. We try to act on as
much of the feedback as pos-
sible but to do that we need
your input and experiences.
SPLASH is coming to
Campusport during august.
Many activities available for
11-16 age group. contact po
box 300, Guildford Gu3 3YT
First Past the Post
elcome once more
W
to the racing
world. Last week-
end, Teeton Mill confounded
many of the pundits – myself
included – as he proved to
have sufficient speed to take
on the two milers at their own
game. His very impressive
performance in the
Mitsubishi Ascot Chase has
seen him regain favouritism
for the Gold Cup from
Florida Pearl, and at the
moment it is easy to fancy the
former hunter. For my record,
Super Coin was promoted to
third following the disqualifi-
cation of Challenger Du Luc,
after some reckless riding on
the home turn ruined the
chances of outsider, Chief’s
Song. The Tote Eider Chase
at Newcastle was claimed by
Hollybank Buck, with my tip,
top weight Santa Concerto,
finishing fifth. Spendid did
not make the post in the
Gerrard Group Novices’
Chase, but did finish the bet-
ter in coming second to the
highly-rated Unsinkable
Boxer, and would have won
in a few more strides. My
only winner of the week was
at Warwick, where Flagship
Uberalles took another
novice chase, beating the
odds-on favourite by a neck.
More events coming up this
weekend for Grand National
contenders to flex their mus-
cles. In the Greenall’s trial at
Haydock, over three and a
half miles, I take Eudipe to
cement his place among the
market leaders for the
Aintree marathon, in a partic-
ularly interesting looking
race. Over three miles, in the
Racing Post Chase at
Kempton, I fancy Dr. Leunt
to take the spoils. And for the
staying hurdlers, Ocean
Hawk might just be good
enough for the Manly Store
Rendlesham Hurdle. What is
a weekend in February with-
out a Mitsubishi-sponsored
race? Useful performer in the
top staying flat races, Star
Rage, continues his conver-
sion to obstacles in the
Shogun Pendil Trophy
Novices’ chase. His form line
15
CHILDRENS SUMMER
SCHOOL - is starting to fill
up quickly so book now to
avoid disappointment. Ages
8-14. July26-30 and Aug 16-
20. £15/day, £60/week, £100
for both. D.Targett@surrey.
COACHES AND LEAD-
ERS - needed for summer
particularly in squash and ten-
nis.
J.Perrin@surrey.
Eagle Eye Perrin
by Eddie
through Hoh Express is look-
ing solid, after a three-and-a-
half length beating last time
out.
The intended stock market
flotation of William Hill was
cancelled last weekend. This
left more than 200,000 pri-
vate investors unhappy at
having missed out on the
opportunity to own a slice of
the betting firm. Former
owners, Nomura
International dropped the
share asking price following
low demand from city institu-
tions, before Cinven & CVC
Capital Partners plumped up
with a bid of £825 million.
Cyfor Malta, a leading fancy
for both the Gold Cup and the
Grand National has been
ruled out for the rest of the
season. The injury is not seri-
ous, and it is hoped that the
young French import will
come back next season firing
on all cylinders.
A horrific incident at
Sedgefield last week prompt-
ed another debate on the safe-
ty aspects of horse racing
when three horses were
killed. Three loose horses
refused to jump a fence, and
with nowhere to run off the
course, headed back towards
to the remaining runners,
bringing down a further six.
No jockeys were seriously
injured on this occasion, but a
similar incident in 1989, with
no equine casualties, left
jockey Neale Doughty off the
racecourse for 8 months.
Earlier in the day at the same
meeting, a narrow escape
was experienced, as surviv-
ing jockeys coaxed their
steeds around oncoming
horses. The problem at the
County Durham track is the
lack of places for loose hors-
es to run off. A similar situa-
tion exists at Fakenham,
where an outrider is used to
shepherd loose horses away.
An inquiry called for by own-
ers, the Jockey Club and the
RSPCA is expected to make
some recommendations to
prevent such a tragedy hap-
pening again.
ed990225.qxd 26/02/99 13:26 Page 16 (1,1)

Surrey Pride
Women Shine on South Bank Show The Mysterious Jane
Southbank 0 – 2 USWFC Paul Cliff, Sports Editor
espite being 45 mins after play was bought to a halt someone runs onto it” tactics.

D
late and only having 10
players we started the
match in good spirits. Just
before kick-off the “unbiased”
and “ official” referee had the
cheek to ask us how long do
girls play for and looked
shocked to hear that we play 45
mins each way. To which he
replied, “we’ll play the first 40
and see how you feel”! ( Not
that we played a double header
the week before or anything).
Within the first 5 mins Rowena
went down injured allowing the
opposition to take a well
earned(?) rest as they were
already knackered. Throughout
the first half we were all over
them leaving the back four with
nothing to do other than throw
mud at each other for entertain-
ment before realising that they
were actually playing a league
match and were being just a
touch complacent.
The opposition soon realised
that the only way they could get
anywhere in the game was to
cheat. Fortunately their
attempts at Kanu style trickery,
to treat a bout of cramp, were as
successful as their number 10’s
ability to make contact with the
ball. Being the sporting lasses
that we all are, we were having
none of it and surprisingly the
“unbiased ref” made them take
it again and actually play the
ball back to us. Finally Rowena
scored a well deserved goal to
put us ahead.
We spent the whole of half time
laughing at the oppositions ball
skills and “official” ref’s
impersonation of an indecisive
traffic warden every time the
ball went out for a throw in, so
you can imagine the response
he got when he took time out
from coaching the oppo and
sauntered over to ask if we
were alright, being girls and
all.(Sorry love we’re not inter-
ested - could be something to
do with the gel and your lack of
knowledge on the rules of foot-
ball.)
For the second half, after some
sneaky coaching from the ref,
they went for the “hoof the ball
as far as you can and hope
On the few occasions that the
ball came into our half they
realised that the only way to get
anywhere was to flatten any
player that got in the way, to
which the ref claimed “yes it
was a foul, yes it was very late
but she couldn’t stop her
momentum”?!
Katie scored an excellent goal
from a really tight angle, slot-
ting it past the goalkeeper, who
despite her appearance wasn’t
wearing a neck brace only a
huge woolly polo neck jumper,
leaving the result true witness
to the better team. We contin-
ued to dominate the match, as
before, with offers of the ref to
resign and nasty tackles being
made due to poor eyesight!!
Our victory was celebrated
with Pie (thought he’d be work-
ing), beans, chips and chips and
chips and chips (-cheers
Holly!). Thanks for supporting
us fellas see you in the cup
final!!!
Foghorn, Magnet, Curly and
Swallow
he field narrows. As
T many of the BUSA tour-
naments head into the
last sixteen stage, our numbers
have dwindled and but a few
brave Surrey warriors will do
battle for the Pride this
Wednesday afternoon. Men’s
Football 2nds travel down to
Southampton Institute for their
third round clash whilst the
Ladies visit Bournemouth for a
SESSA League match.
Women’s Hockey 2nds travel
to Oxford Brookes while
Netball 1sts visit Barts and
Mens Rugby 2nds are lead by
skipper, Wizbit, down to Seale
Hayne. No doubt these fantas-
tic victories will be heralded
with a good old fashioned sing-
song and the odd toast or two at
ye olde brick tavern,
Bojangleze.
Talking of toasts, however, I
would like you all to raise a
glass as I proclaim to have
enjoyed one of the single most
defining moments in any young
man’s life, as he bears witness
to the awesome truth that is girl
power. What is this new inces-
sant waffle I hear you cry?
What drunken hallucinatory
experience drives this weeks
offal from his effluent fingers?
Please, relax, I can explain
(How many Thursday morning
conversations with my girl-
friend have started like that?).
It happened like this....
As a bunch of USFC members
wandered, somewhat drunken,
in very hearty spirits given the
days results, from the Varsity
Centre on Saturday night, we
began to reminisce back to the
days when one of our counter-
parts found, admittedly child-
ish, amusement in climbing
into the Launderette dryers and
going for a spin. This was long
before they refurbished the
place however, and we found to
our dismay on Saturday, that
the new machines are too small
to accommodate even our
smallest comrade. Retreating
from the establishment, tails
firmly between our legs (okay,
not so firm, we’d had more
than a few), we spied a young
lady back inside attempting to
recreate our attempt. However,
following a small bursary and a
lot of alcohol driven coerce-
ment, this plucky young beauty,
who we found to be called
Jane, was successful and com-
pleted several resolutions
before the door sprung open.
What a girl! Had she seen fit
(and boy she WAS fit! - Cheers,
Gav!) she could have immedi-
ately secured several promises
of marriage on the strength of
her contortionistic talents, but
settled for accepting our kind
offer of a wee dram at the
Union. And she turned up!
However, as is usually the case
with Saturday night Sportsmen,
the one hour interval before she
met us, had been filled with
several rounds of loopy juice
and our roguish, but loveable,
humour, had descended into
brash and offensive leering. She
left shortly after, without apolo-
gy (from us!), and a number of
Sunday morning hangovers
were tinted with a faint, but
clear longing for ‘the one who
got away!’ So, Jane, if you’re
out there, Brucie Loves You!
Saturday Nights are Sport,
Saturday Nights are Surrey
Pride!

Dictionary Corner A Beautiful Day for Football Why is dance

election n. the selection by vote of a person or persons
for a position, esp. a political office. Surrey Stingers 8 – Hertfordshire Hurricanes 34 neglected?
South East Regional Dance Showcase,
ast Sunday saw Surrey what was happening, Surrey only three teams to score
election n. a public vote; an act or instance of choos-
ing.

election n. three weeks of pure living hell whereby a

L yet again meet their
division rivals, the
Hertfordshire Hurricanes. The
were 14 – 0 down. Surrey then
stepped into overdrive and
stopped any more points
against Hertfordshire, and
have scored over half the
points that Hertfordshire have
3/03/99, 8pm, PATS Studio.
Box office: 01483 259905. Tickets £5 (can
be brought on the door).

dozen or so individuals place their proverbial balls (or day started cold and wet with
other politicately correctness levelling extremities) on
the chopping block and fly every inch of their own
self esteem and sense of worth in the sharp toothed,
threats of rain throughout. As
the day progressed and our
coach neared Hertfordshire,
the weather improved and so
merciless face of public opinion, and then relieve
themselves with an all night orgy of beers, tears and did the mood. After the defeat
jeers in an attempt to forget it all. at the hands of the Reading
Knights in the previous game
post-election n. the period during which one of the had knocked Surrey out of the
many unsuccessfull candidates decides to re-direct his Play offs, Surrey have relaxed
‘limdoed’ career towards destroying the remaining and this showed in the game
shreds of dignity and respect that Her Majesty’s and from the start, spirits were
Police Force still commands from the general public. high. The first few drives
In other words, Taylor’s on the beat. went the ‘Canes way and
before anyone was aware
being scored until the second
half. The ‘Canes now had to
work hard for every point they
wanted. In the third quarter,
Surrey scored on a run by Rob
Scruby to put The Stingers on
the scoreboard. Herts fought
back hard and by the final
whistle had completed a com-
fortable victory.
The Hertfordshire Hurricanes
are one of only two teams this
year to score against Surrey
and in turn, Surrey is one of
conceded. The ‘Canes are a
at last managed to drag one of my house-
very strong team and look set
to take the National Title at
College Bowl XIII next
month for the second year
I mates (who shall remain nameless!)
along to the recent Campusdance perfor-
mance featuring Ricochet Dance Company.
This performance was the penultimate in the
running.
Campusdance season and I would say, the
To keep up to date with the
most enjoyable yet. My aforementioned
Surrey Stingers progress, visit
friend who had previously been intrigued
the team web site at “mem-
about the nature of contemporary dance also
bers.tripod.com/sur-
enjoyed the evening. The performance
reystingers/” or visit the
itself, both offered a taste of contemporary
league site at
culture and an insight into the dance world.
“www.bcafl.org”.
The field of dance is frequently undervalued,
both artistically and academically, a view
this performance challenged as it showed
both depth and humour. Many people laugh
(or worse still look sympathetic!) when I tell
them I am doing a dance degree, a judgement
the whole dance department has to face
daily. The public needs to become more
aware of dance if it is to be seriously consid-
ered as both an art and a progressive acade-
mic concern. Accessible dance perfor-
mances and courses are fundamental routes
to achieve these aims.

Above all, young artists require support in

order to raise awareness and to continue to
stretch the boundaries of dance. Up and
coming artists complete the Campusdance
season in the South East Regional Dance
Showcase on the 3rd March in PATS studio.
The programme promises to be innovative
and varied, integrating movement with
image projections, infrared cameras, text,
voice and contemporary sound scores.

If you would like to challenge the stereotype

of dancers being shallow girls in tight lycra
and fancy a bit of culture, why not come
along?! Tickets are only £5 – a bargain con-
sidering there will be four artists performing
for the price of one! Even better, you will be
able to try out your newly found knowledge
later that night in Bojanglez! Kat Bridge