The Man Who Thought With His Stomach; An Ode to Sinigang

Well if its gonna be done, its gotta be done with food!

Butbut sir? This occasion is too simple for food!
This event cannot be done without the presence of food in it! It aint an
event if food aint in it!
Butbut sir! This isnt the exact occasion for it!
Any occasion is a good occasion for food.
But sir! This is just an orientation for the new employees!
Herbert slammed his fist on the table. Cheese fries flew everywhere, landing on
expensive shirts and suits and leaving a yellow smudge. He was adamant! He
wouldnt have any of it!
I wont have any of it! If you want this to push through, theres got to be
food in it. I want to see buffet tables, lined with chafing dishes and filled with all
the delicacies of the world. Set up a grill for the steaks and burgers, place a
chocolate fountain for the marshmallows and desserts, have a make your own
pizza/pasta bar, that sort of thing. Its either all that or this isnt going to
succeed.
The room fell dead. The silence was unnerving. All employees awaited
with bated breaths. Their eyes were trained on Herbert, who was sweating
profusely like the proverbial pig. He produced a napkin from the burger chain
restaurant bag and wiped the sweaty waterfall on his forehead. It had trickled
down to his shirt, tracing the outline of his vast tummy. Taking in deep breaths,
Herbert grabbed his bacon cheeseburger (extra bacon, easy on the mayo) and
proceeded to devour it. The silence was only broken by the monster munching
and occasional licking of ketchup of his fingers. Everyone watched as he slowly
enjoyed the oozing of oil and taste out of every bite. No one dared to move or
break the stride of the great burger eating machine.

In between bites, he asked Sowhats for lunch?

Sir, a brave employee dared stand and speak, eyes darting from left to
right, lunch break was fifteen minutes ago. At the end of his sentence, his
voice turned into a squeak. 15 minutes? Impossible. What did I have a while
ago? Herbert pointed a thick, oily finger at this secretary Mark. Cheesy penne
with garlic bread and egg, sir, Mark reported, scanning his clipboard full of
various meals and times. Well, theres always time for a second serving.
Dismissed. Herbert waved his bacon cheeseburger and stood up with difficulty.
Turning his back, the employees could see a wide dark stain. If the front showed
a round globe, the back was a large valley fit for two rice fields. And the fields
were lucky; it had just rained.
Everyone let out a sigh of relief. The boss was gone but not the smell of
the burger; most of their stomachs growled at the scent of it. Some even helped
themselves to the leftover cheese fries.
Good grief! an employee exclaimed. He just ate a big platter of spare
ribs and penne. He even asked for my share! Does he actually eat every single
minute?
Isnt it obvious? Mark replied. Its a wonder how he hasnt gobbled up
the world yet.

(Day of the Orientation)

The tables were blanketed with white cloth, plates were all arranged,
glassware was sparking brightly, and the utensils were lined up from salad fork
to Poseidons trident. The buffet table was indeed lined with all the dishes
Herbert had specifically requested. Each part of the table was manned by a
single caterer carefully cooking the meals. No sight couldve been more
pleasurable and mouthwatering to him; to Mark, it seemed like he was about to
burst into tears.

Everything in order, sir? Mark asked.

Oh, it is. I must commend you Mark! You overdid yourself with the
preparations here.
Thanks butIm sure the people will be wondering why a roast chicken
decided to attend their orientation.
Nonsense, theyll enjoy it! Oh just look at these fair sausages, Herbert
said breathlessly. Mmmm, I can already taste the garlic, feel the cheese melting
in my mouth, shiver at the spice and tang of every meal!
Herbert was so engrossed with the food that he never noticed the server
smiling brightly at him. Boss, this is Mark gestured for the server to introduce
herself. Maria, she pipped and smiled so wide that her face wouldve been torn
in half. Yes, Maria. Sir this is Maria our server for tonight.
Nice to meet you, she said and extended a hand towards Herbert. He
reluctantly laid down a plate already filled with a green colored pasta. I see
youre already jumping in with the pesto. Hold your stomachs a bit longer, Ive
still got to show you the menu! she chuckled in the kindest way possible.
Oh, all right. Will you be serving us tonight?
All night sir. Until the party is done.
Its not a party. Its just an orientation for the newcomers, Mark hurriedly
interjected.
Hush now Mark. Let the lady speak.
It is a party right? After all you wouldnt have called us if it wasnt! All
parties must always have food. Maria winked and laughed like an angel. A food
angel, Mark thought.
She speaks wisdom Mark! Herbert said and guffawed. After sharing a
hearty laugh, Maria tugged on Herbert towards the tables.
The trio made their way into a long line of sizzling and bubbling dishes of
all shapes, sizes, colors and flavors. International chefs from all around the globe
were there, flipping onions, carrots, potatoes, and peppers everywhere and
expertly mixing and mincing them with all sorts of seasoning! A crisp smell of
garlic and tomato sauce wafted in the air and all three of them breathed in the
delicious scent; Herbert however sucked in most of it. As they moved along,

Herbert was lost in his imaginings, constantly licking his lips and rubbing his
hands. Mark was still in a daze; How could we ever finish all these? he thought.
Maria continued to babble on and on and the only thing Mark caught was the
history of French fries.
So, any of these dishes youve eaten, Herbert? Maria asked.
Just a few. I do like to try the spicy chicken curry and dumplings when I
can. And the miso ramen too! And the clay pot katsudon, chicken inasal, aglio
olio, Herbert listed them down with his fingers. Apparently, his to-eat list
exceeded ten.
Of course! And what drink would you try them with?
Whatevers good for my stomach, he replied and rubbed his globe as if
showcasing its portents.
Very well. Now allow me to show you our specialty dish for tonight. If you
will follow me.
Along the way, she explained many more delicacies and desserts (Hey
look, its the chocolate fountain! Glad you got that there Mark.) until they
arrived at the largest clay pot man has ever seen. A smell of pork fat emerged
from the pot and deliciously made its way to their nostrils. In an instant, his
tastebuds trembled and stomach roared with hunger! Gripped with passionate
craving, he hardly noticed that he was already holding a big bowland being
pulled back by Mark.
Behold, sinigang! Maria presented with a graceful wave. This delicacy is
a beloved by its people in their homes and we are proud to have brought it here
to this party!
Orientation! Mark reminded her, still pulling hard on Herbert.
Food! Herbert cried.
Sir! Sir! You must control yourself!
When you begin to with this meal, you start to feel the sour taste of the
soup that makes you writhe with joy! Red juicy tomatoes float about, with tangy
labanos to complement the flavor of both. But thats not all. Enjoy the succulent
liempo with its fat still attached to it! Tangle with the stems and leaves of the
kang-kong as you sip the piping hot soup. Enjoy the warmth, the flavor, the kick

it gives when you first bite off the pork. Choose from either sidings, patis or toyo,
to further enhance your experience!
Not helping Maria! Mark shouted, trying with all his might to stop
Herbert from barreling in the pot. It was like a matador dragging his raging bull;
this time, it wasnt chasing red but pigs in soup. The difficulty to pull was him so
great that Mark thought he could lose weight with the sheer amount of sweat
pouring out.
As they were struggling, a murmur started to grow behind them. Mark and
Maria turned to find the newcomers all turning heads and wondering why a
banquet was presented. All of them were dumbfounded with mouths agape
except for one jolly fellow who rubbed his tummy like a crystal ball. Herbert
stopped and, red with much effort and embarrassment, turned to face the crowd.
Friends! ...Erm, welcome to the orientation! Please, have a siomai---a seat. I
mean, a seat, he blabbered. He attempted to straighten his suit but ended up
leaving an oil trace from handling the kebab moments ago. Some still stood
skeptical yet others happily helped themselves to neatly wrapped shawarmas
and halal. The same employee from the meeting room approached Mark and
asked jokingly, Is this the world?
Close to it, Mark replied and smirked. Huh, I guess it really isnt an
occasion without food, he thought. He was about to grab a serving when
Sir! Herbert no! cried Sheila. Next, a loud splash was heard and a dull
clunk! right afterward. The entire assembly spun their heads around to find out
the disturbance but Mark needed no prodding. Running to the screaming and
thumping pot, Mark tried to lift the lid with the help of the server next to it.
Dont worry Herbert! Well get you out of there! Sheila assured the pot. You
kidding? I think hes actually enjoying it in there! Mark said.

The night was strangely a huge success. All in thanks to the food, the
newcomers left with smiles on their faces and full stomachs. As they left, each
one gave their remarks to Mark:

Great show Mark!

Whens the next buffet?
Love these apple pies.
Delicious apricots!
Such tangy barbeque!
Very engaging presentation!
Thank you, thank you, Mark took every comment humbly. When
everyone had exited, Mark, Sheila, some caterers and even Herbert was there.
He was too busy munching on a stem and biting the sweet pork. Surveying the
aftermath, Mark cracked a wide smile.
Hey, thats the first time Ive seen you smile, Sheila said.
Hmm well the night turned out to be better than expected.
Food did the trick right?
Mark paused. He considered this for a while and came to the conclusion:
Yes, food did do the trick, and laughed. Sheila followed suit.
You still have room for dessert?
Sure! Ive always wanted a marshmallow from the chocolate fountain.
You and me both.
Can I have some? Herbert asked from afar. He had leaves for hair and a
red tomato for a nose; specks of seasoning were glittered across his face.
As long as you clean yourself from the sinigang! Mark answered back.
Sinigang? Where? Where? he asked, suddenly crazed. Everyone burst
into gleeful laughter, even Herbert himself.
Food had worked its magic. Food did do the trick.

Authors Notes: It is rather ironic that I wrote this story during the one week
prayer and fasting. As such, forcing my brain to recall the sweet taste and
tanginess of different kinds of food made my stomach growl louder. Although it is
only a story, I could still picture the texture of many dishes and caught myself
licking my lips a couple of times. Rest assured, I was faithful to my fasting (one
meal fast) and broke it on the last day. What originally was meant to be a satire
of a man always deciding with food turned out to be a wacky comedy of a man

whose sole desire was to eat and eat. In a way, a part of what I feel is in there. I
like eating as much as the next man. And there is absolutely no doubt that a
party is not a party without food. If it aint got no food, it isnt a party. Lastly, I
managed to place a special appearance of my beloved dish. It is a crazy thought
but I hope to see it pop in once more in my future stories.