icouldwrite

apoem
aboutthis

achapbook(ofsorts)

featuresNSFW&triggeringcontent

cameroncanonica

www.google.com/search?q=google+why+does+a+paper+bag+help+stop+hyperventilation

iweighonehundredandtwentypounds.
thatistosay,iweigheightpointsevenonestone,
or,iweighonethousandninehundredandtwentyounces,
or,iweighfiftyfourthousand,fourhundredandthirtyonegrams,
or,
iweighsixpointthreeninebreaths.

fredericleroy(frehdrihkleeroy)
isaresearchanddevelopmentemployeewiththehaircarecompany
l'oreal,paris
whooncesaidthat
onestrandofhumanhaircanhold
uptoonehundredandtwentygramsofweight,
or,eightyfourandahalfbreaths.

whenyoutellmeyoucutyourhair/yourhairs/
Iwanttoknowhowmuch/howmany,
wanttoknowifthereisenoughofyoulefttostillholdalloftheweightofme/
allthebreathinme/Ihavenotyetfiguredouthowtoholditallmyself/

thesebonesarenothollow
andsoIstayrootedtotheground,
cannotflytoyou,cannotjust
breathe/blink/jump/go/be,
havetobreathe/blink/
startmycar/breathe/
wait/blink/
turnleft/breathe/
brake/blink/
breathe/be/
breathe

/ breathe/breathe/breathe//

whenthehumanbodyhastakenintoomuchoxygen,
thephlevelinthebloodrises/becomestooacidic/thisiscalled
respiratoryalkalosis.
causedby/hyperventilation/
causedby/
breathe/blink/breathe/
breathe/
breathe/
breathe/
but.//

thebloodstopsboilingacidwhenthebodybreatherletsthebodybreatheinitsout/
breathebackitscarbondioxide.

andyou
sleepnexttomewithyourmouthopen.

andI.
breathe.
blink.
breathe/
toohardand/toofastuntilIcant/untilIboil/so/
Ileanin/blinkbreatheinyourcarbon/and/
theacidinmybloodhissesand/
yourollinyoursleepand/
yourhairgetsinmymouth
and/

girlwhocriedboy

SoTheStoryGoes,
therewasonceABoywhoLivedonahill.
helikedtowatchsheep,dayInanddayout.
oneday,hethought,"Mygosh,i'mbored,"and
gotanideainhislittleHead."howfunitwouldbe",
Hethought,(andthisIstheboy,thinking),"tostartScreamingForhelp,asthoughawolfiscoming!"withagiggle,hisplan
grew."ohMe,ohmy.they'llallcomerunningwithoutanideaofwhatTodo!"
soboyopenedhislittleboymouth,andLetoutayell."wolf!",camethecryfromHim,deepfromOutofhisbelly,"there'sa
wolf!"andeveryonerantoHelp.butofcourse,ofcourse,therewasnowolf."ohgee,ohgolly",boyscuffedboy'sfeet,"silly
oldMe.Imustjustbeeasilyspooked."
"oh,ofcourse,"saidvillagemenandwomen,"weCan'tblameboy.justyoung,justnaive.weknowhowayoungboy's
imaginationcanGoAnywhere."andtheboywon.

or,

SoTheStoryGoes,
ABoyLived
In
My

Head.
He
IsScreamingFor

MeTo

LetHim
Out.

Help
Me.I

Can't
GoAnywhere."

or,

thereoncewasaboywholivedundermybed.
wheniturnthelightson,hestaysoutofmysight,eventhough
icanhear
icanhearhimscratchingand
atnight,Iturnoffmylights
and
igrindmyteethintoknives.
hecrawlsintomybedand
hecrawlsintomeand
hetellsmehoweveryonebelievedhimwhenheyelledwolf,
butnoonebelievedhimwhenheyelledGirl
andnoonebelievesmewhenIyellBoy,either,

or,

therewasonceagirlwhosebedilivedunder
icouldhearhercreakingand
shestartedgettingbiggerand
istartedgettingbiggerand
icouldn'tfitcomfortablyanymoreso
sheletmecrawlinsideherchest.
webothcloseourears
andshetellsmehowshe'sbeenscreamingaboutme
buteveryonekeepslaughing.
itellherhowiyelledwolfand
hownoonelaughed.and
shecurlsmesmallunderherbreastandsays
maybemaybemaybe
sheistheboyand
Iamthegirl
or
maybe
sheisthegirland
iamthewolf
or
iamtheboyand
sheisthewolf
or
wearethesheepand
everyoneelseisthewolf
or
wearethewolf
andmaybethat'swhy
shekeepssharpeningherteeth
maybethatswhy
sometimes
wewakeupbleeding

(theuniverseisneverending,anyway)

therearefrecklesonyourelbows.
we'restandingonyourdeck,andyourdadiscookingonthegrill,andIlookoveratyouandseethem.
andIthink,
wow.
icouldwrite apoemaboutthis.
aboutthese
(whatarethey,inpoems,usually?stars,right?)
theseconstellations

,andhowyoubecomemysky

,
howyoutakeupallthespacearoundme
andIbreatheyouin
andcan'ttellwhereyoustartorend,orifIcanevenexistinaplacewithoutyou,
(andhowdidinevernoticedthatyou'reeverywhere?)

but,Imean,they'renotstars.they'renotOrion'sBelt,
(ifanything,they'remybeltonyourfloor,
butthey'renot),
they'rejust
placeswherethesunstayedtoolong.
(andIalwaysstaytoolong).

sothesunisawoman,right?
she'sbeautiful,andshe'sSOHOT,andshekissedyourelbows,
overandoveruntilsheleftmarks

butIamnotawoman.

Ikissyourthroatand/sometimesIleavemarks/buttheydon'tstayforlong,
(whichisfunny,becauseIalwaysstaytoolong),
andsoifI'mnotawoman,andmymarksdon'tstaywhenI'mgone,
(ifnoonestayswhenI'mgone),
thenIcan'tbethesun,
andifyou'rethesky
(remember,Isaidyouwerethesky)
thenIcan'tbethat,
(andI'mnotthesky,anyway,
becauseEverythingisbiggerthanme),
butthemoonhasamaninit.
somaybeI'mthemoon.

butonlysometimes.
onlyinyourbed,ormycar,ortheshower,orwhenIasktobe
andyousayyes,yes,
(butthenyoucan'tbethesky,ifyou'retheman,so,)
maybetheskyisjustthesky
andthemanisjustaman
andthemoonisjustapersonandthepersonisn'tbrightenough,
(or,womanenough)
tobethesun

InVitro

Myparentsdidn'tfuckmeintothisworld/
andIwonderifthat'swhyIcan'tstopaskingtobefuckedoutofthisworld/Outofmybody/
Myfatherdammedhisriversbeforehemetmymother/Untilshebeggedformeandhertearsfloodedthemopen/
ButIwasn'tfastenoughso/
Iamplasticcupturkeybasterbaby/
PillowpressedundermymothershipstoholdmeinuntilIwaswarmenoughtogrow.

Theygavemydadporn/Andtwentyminutes./
Helaughsandtellsmeitonlytooksix/AndIwonderifthat'swhyIfeelmouthsonmybodythatIcan'teversee/
Iwonderifheflippedtothequeerpages/
Twosetsoftongueswettingtheiroppositematchingbodies/
Iwonderifthat'swhymylastpartneropenedmeup/
Fithimselfinsideofmeandsaid/
"Iwanttoseeyoumakeagirlcum"/If"faggot"isinmychromosomes

MypartnertellsmehowgoodItaste/Callsmebythewrongnamewhenhefucksme/
BecauseIaskhimto/
BecauseIonlyknowhowtofuckhardinasoftbody/

Iwonderifmyfatherseyesboredholesintobondage
Whenhesputteredmeintothebottomofamedicalgradeshotglass/
Ifthat'swhyIlookforbruisesinthemorning/Sunsetsonmythighsandthroat/
Andaskmypartnerformorenexttime/
IstoppedhurtingmyselfwhenIrealizedIcouldgetsomeoneelsetodoitforme/
Untilonenightmypartnerweepshimselfopenontome/
Criesapologiesintomyspeckledflesh
Forhittingmetoohard
ButallI'dbeenthinkingwasthankyou/
LikeeverynewmarkIfindonthisskintiesmetosomethingconcrete/Blueandpurpleandyellowscreaming
Ibelongtosomeone/

IfyoubitehardenoughmaybeIcanstayinsideofyou/
Ican'tstopsearchingforawarmplacetogrow/

AndIguessit'sromanticbut/IguessI'mobsessiveand/
Cookiecuttersharksarecalledcookiecuttersbecausethey'reknowntotakewholechunksoutoflargeranimals/
Theyholdtoohardandpullandpulland/Sometimeswhenyou'refuckingmeyoutellmetobiteyouand/
I'malwayshopingI'lltakepartofyouwithmeand/
Maybetheni'llcryalittlelesseverytimeihavetoleave

safe(writtenwithlinettereeman)

mybestfriendandIhavematchingpineappletattoos.
itwasoursafewordwhenweusedtokisseachothereveryweekend
pineapple
ifyouwantmetostop.
pineapple
ifimhurtingyou.
whenmyexboyfriendaskswhatthetattoosmean,itellhimaboutsafewords
aboutthesoundagunmakeswhenitsmuffled
buthesaidwedidntneedasafeword
becausehewouldnteverhurtme.

andthisboywasalwaysatonguedepressorlover
toldmetoopenwide,say

aaaahhhhhbutnevertosaystop
pineapple
groundhisgunmetalintomyteeth
stareddownmythroat,screamedhisownraw,
examinedmymouthtoseehowmuchofhimself
hecouldfitintherewithoutchokingme

andidontknowwhatitisaboutthisbodythatkeepsgettinghurt
thatkeepsmewantingtohurtit
butiask
ifhewantstochokemewhilewerefucking.
hesaysno.
hesayshedoesn'twanttohurtme.
thenhetouchesme,
softly,
andlaughs,

idreamtoffuckingsomeoneelselastnight.
cradlesmyface,
ifyoucutyourhairillleaveyou,
tracesmyspine,
youcantbehereinthemorning
mouthsatmyjaw
idontloveyouanymore

soiopenmymouth,
trytoturnmythroatmegaphone,
pineapple
stop
pineapple
please
yourehurtingme
butheputsomuchofhimselfinmymouth
thaticouldntsayanythingwithoutitsoundinglikehisname

monthslater,ieatpineappleagain.
ittasteslikemetal.