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Prayer and our relationship with God

Rabbi Maury Grebenau

When the topic of prayer comes up there is a basic question that begs to be asked.
“Why?” Isn‟t God perfect, why does he need us to pray to him? Doesn‟t God know
everything? Isn‟t everything decided at the beginning of the year during the days of
judgment? Just what is the point of prayer?

The simple answer to these questions is that God doesn‟t need our prayers, we
need our prayers. We need to establish a relationship with God and one of the main ways
of accomplishing that is through the medium of prayer. To establish a relationship there
is a need for constancy and consistency. A Jew must make prayer a part of his/her life if
he/she hopes to forge a true relationship with God.

The Ramchal (Derech Hashem Part 4 Chap 5) tells us that it is only through
God‟s immense love for us, his children, does he allow us to be elevated to the level of
standing before the Almighty. It is truly a matter to be considered. Man in comparison to
God is infinitesimal. In relation to God man should be too lowly to voice an opinion or
make a request. And yet, prayer allows us to praise God, make requests from Him, and
thank Him afterwards. This is an act of love on God‟s part.

The elevation that the Ramchal speaks of is most evident to us in the Shmoneh
Esreh, the silent entreaty, considered the paradigm of prayer. The rules laid down in the
code of law are quite strict in terms of speaking during this prayer. This is quite
understandable, in light of the awe inspiring severity of truly standing before ones Maker.
Additionally, at the conclusion of the Shmoneh Esreh three steps are taken back (O.C.
123:1) symbolizing a lowering and moving away from the high status achieved at the
time of prayer.

There is also a concept that one may not walk directly in front of a person who is
involved in praying the Shmoneh Esreh1. Two reasons are given for this law2. Firstly, one
must achieve a high level of concentration. Standing before the King of Kings is a matter
not to be taken lightly. Therefore, one must be careful not to walk directly in front of a
person praying lest they disturb that person‟s concentration. The second reason given is
that on some level the presence of Hashem is truly in front of this person when they are
praying and it would be inappropriate to walk through an area where the presence of God
is resting. This gives us an idea of the nature of prayer. It is truly an elevation of states to
the degree that God can be seen as resting His presence before us as we petition him. This
is the elevation that the Ramchal mentions.

1
Shulchan Aruch Orech Chaim 102:4
2
See M”B (102:15)
When the Talmud3 speaks of the requirement of prayer it says that prayer must be
„B’chol L’vavcha‟, with all of ones heart. What does this mean? Rav Chaim from
Voloshin4 explains that it refers to two different ideas. On a simple level it means that
one should be concentrating on what they are saying. A person is on a high level when
the pray, they are standing before their Creator. This is a tremendous opportunity and it
should not be squandered. On a higher level it means that one should become more
spiritual at the time of prayer. They should try and separate from the physical world a
little. God is not physical; He has no form that we could comprehend. It is easier to be in
God‟s presence if we can manage to be a little less wrapped up in the physical world.
This is a tall order. We are physical being and we exist in a physical world, however, in
some way if we can free our mind of our physical impulses during prayer we would feel
God‟s presence that much more.

But what is the point of prayer? What is it that we are trying to achieve? There is
a dispute amongst the early commentators on the Talmud as to the requirement of prayer.
Everyone5 agrees that is a requirement in some way at the Torah level, but they disagree
as to the extent of that requirement. Maimonodies6 (Teffilah 1:1) says that there is a
requirement on a Torah level to pray at least once a day. To maintain the relationship
there must be a consistent communication. Nachmonodies (Hasagos to Sefer HaMitzvos
Aseh 5) feels that there is only an obligation on a Torah level in a time of stress and
difficulty7. It is at that point when the Torah feels that it is most important to retain a
relationship with God. Rabbi Yosef Dov Solevechik felt that there was a deeper
understanding of this disagreement. In reality, both Maimonodies and Nachmonodies feel
that there is a Torah obligation to pray at a time of stress and difficulty, the point of
contention is what is considered to be such a point of stress and difficulty. Nachmonodies
felt that only the most difficult times in a person‟s life can really be defined as times of
„Tzarah‟ (pain). However, Maimonodies thought that every day‟s trials and tribulations
qualify as stress in so much as they also demand a relationship with God.

Once we have defined Prayer as essentially the formation and upkeep of a


relationship with God we must understand the guidelines of prayer so as to maximize its
effectiveness. The most basic element of Teffilah is mentioned by Rav Chaim8 from
Brisk. He interprets an apparent contradiction in the words of Maimonodies to discover a
fundamental of prayer. Maimonodies speaks of the requirement of „Kavanah‟, loosely
translated as awareness, in terms of Prayer. Maimonodies says that awareness is so
fundamental to Prayer that without it the Prayer is meaningless. However, Maimonodies

3
Taanis 2a
4
Nefesh HaChaim Shaar 2 Chap 1
5
See Talmud Bavli (Brachos 20b) which says that women are also obligated in Teffilah and Rashi there
seems to say that the entire institution of prayer is rabbinic. See Meiri there who quotes an opinion outright
6
See also Sefer HaMitzvot (Aseh 5) where the Rambam lists it as a Biblical Mitzva, the Sefer HaChinuch
(433) also counts it. See also Tur (O.C. 89)
7
See Gra”ch (cited below) that the argument is only in terms of the requirement. Even the Ramban would
agree that a person has a kiyum D’Orayseh for davening each day. Also the Ramban does not state this
defimitively; he begins by saying that the requirement for prayer is completely Rabbinic in nature. See how
the Chinuch (433) quotes him.
8
Gra”ch Al HaRambam (Hilchos Teffilah 4:1)
also says that while awareness is important it is not so essential that its loss will
invalidate the entire prayer (except for the 1st Bracha). How can this be? Is awareness
integral or simply important?

Rav Chaim explains that there are two types of awareness. There is an awareness
of the words that are being said and the meaning of the prayer, this awareness is
important but it is not so essential that it can be said to define a prayer. Therefore if one
prays with the words that the Rabbis established, even without understanding what he is
saying, the prayer is valid. However, there is a type of awareness that is so integral to the
concept of prayer that when it is missing we must conclude that the prayer is completely
invalid. This awareness is the awareness that when one is praying they are standing
before the King of kings, they are petitioning their Creator. This knowledge is essential.
If prayer is in fact a relationship with God, what good would it do if one does not even
realize that they are in fact interacting with God. To not understand the precise words one
is saying is unfortunate but not completely essential. To not realize that one is conversing
with his Creator is an oversight that will invalidate a prayer. This concept once again
brings out the underlying theme of a relationship with ones creator. Truly that is an
essential part of prayer.

We find a similar idea in terms of the Halacha of someone who is under the
influence of alcohol. The Rambam (Teffilah 4:17) seems to differentiate between being
“Shikur” and “Shatuy”, the former‟s prayer is completely unfit and he must pray again
after he sobers up. However, a Shatuy‟s prayers while not ideal are acceptable. The
Rambam explains that the difference is that a Shikur is unable to stand before a king and
communicate while a Shatuy although he has drank is still able to stand before a king.
Again we can explain the difference simply9. When someone has imbibed they should not
daven but their prayer is still accepted provided that they are able to have a relationship
with Hashem. Once the person can‟t stand before a king properly he is no longer able to
have a relationship with the King of kings and his prayer is no longer valid. In fact, the
Ramban (Brachos 22b s”v Aval) specifically notes that this idea that a drunk person can‟t
pray is specifically limited to the Shmoneh Esreh as opposed to the Shema or other types
of prayer10.

There is another fundamental idea within the context of prayer. We are all
familiar with the phrase, “There are no atheists in a foxhole.” To me, it means that at
times of trouble people find that they need to rely on a Higher Power. The same is true
with prayer. People find it much easier to pray when they are in a tight spot. The Talmud
(Sanhedrin 44b) addresses this point. „Makdim Tfillah L’Zarah’, „the prayer should come
before the difficulty‟. On the surface this seems to be an odd statement. Does the Talmud
mean that we should try to speculate what all of our problems will be and pray to Hashem
before they ever happen? Why would that be something that would be positive? It seems

9
See Aruch haShulchan (O.C. 99:4-5) who stresses that it is the fact that the person has become drunk
before stepping into G-d presence which is so objectionable
10
Similarly Rashi (Brachos 25a) explains that the difference in terms of how much of the body must be
minimally covered while engaged in prayer differs from Shema to Shmoneh Esreh. It is specifically
Shmoneh Esreh that we are said to be as if we are speaking to the king.
the Gemara is telling us that we should not be one of the people described by the phrase
“There are no atheists in a foxhole.” We should not only pray and relate to Hashem in
times of trouble. We should strive to form a relationship with God even in times of calm.
Don‟t wait for the Tzarah (the trouble) says the Talmud, pray now. Pray to forge a bond
with God, not just to get you out of trouble.

Aside from the relationship with God there is another important function that
prayer fulfills. God wants to give us many many things: A happy life of family and a
good job, enough money, and good friends etc. etc. The way God set up the world is that
to get all these things we must connect to the “Shefa” (emanations) that God sends forth.
The way to connect to those emanations is through prayer (See Derech Hashem Part 4
Chap 5). Once we have connected to the holy emanations our previously mundane
strivings are transformed into far more holy activities. Now that we have acknowledged
that everything we have and will receive stems from God, our strivings to receive these
things become a striving to receive from God. Instead of working a job to put food on the
table, we are doing our share to receiving a gift from God. It is the realization, through
prayer, that everything we receive is from God that makes all the difference. Rav Chaim
from Voloshin (Nefesh HaChaim Shaar 2 Chap 4) makes this point when he says that
God doesn‟t need our prayers. We need our prayers to allow us to accept all of God‟s
gifts and to ask God to allow us to have a relationship with Him.

So now we have answered our questions. God doesn‟t need our prayers, rather we
need to relate to Hashem. Through realizing the gift that prayer is and how to properly
utilize it we can have a better relationship with God. Prayer is a tool for life, a tool to
allow us to be closer to the Infinite, closer to Hashem. Rav Wolbe11 goes as far as to say
that this is part of the definition of man. He quotes the Gemara (Bava Kamma 3b) that
defines the term „Maaveh‟ as man based on the language of a pasuk describing man‟s
ability to pray. This is a defining feature of man. We are the species who prays to G-d,
who has a relationship with G-d. May we all be zoche to live up to our namesake.

11
Alei Shor (Chelek 2 Maareches HaAdam p. ?)

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