A l e x a n d e r Evan A d r i a n

Contents
o ONE

o TWO

Losing My Mind
Light over Pain
Insecurity
Love Evan Brotherhood
Ill Never Give Up
Rise of Dark Evan
Birth of the Grim Reaper Within
Struggle of Dark Evan
Kiss to Relieve
Make Me Want More
The System
The Battles Almost Won
Rations Inertia
One Man Can Make a Difference!
Black-Cyan City
Thoughts about My Sea
From Above
Dandelion
Listen Up!
Last Moments
A Story
Midnight Thought
Entity
Dissolved Relation
Stripe and Spot
Refused Kiss
Love Hating
Brain Damage
Neighbors
Religion The New Beginning
Me and You and Something Less
Prime Senses

o THREE
A Toddlers Adventure
Road to Anxiety
Windmill
There Is Only Dust

In Varietate Concordia.
(United in diversity.)
Motto of the European Union

ONE

Losing My Mind
I feel like a million depths beneath the sea,
A great pressure is now put over me,
Squishing my thoughts, squishing my mind,
It accomplished in making me blind.
Like a far seer with no eyes
Like a brave heart suddenly dies,
I see the Happiness, I see the Joy.
Many people think of me as a toy.
Giving names and pointing me like Im a freak,
All my sanity is dragged really deep
Death is what I always hear,
Death is what I stopped to fear,
Accepted loneliness as a part of my weary soul,
I feel my heart and my thoughts are eaten by a ghoul.
Mind slowly dying over mocking and desperation
Feeling only grief, sadness and gone elation.
I find that pain, I find that sorrow
Stopped making me feel hollow,
Because now they complete me, they complete the strife,
The ghoul is gone and I bounce back to life.
All is regained, nothing is lost and I am renewed
As love, hate and crime fit all under the endless blue.

Light over Pain

Tears are gone as the Sun seems to shine
Absorbed by Its might, taken by Its glow
Anger and sadness forgiven so all is now fine.
Even though madness now wants to flow
Flooding ration, emotion and good will alike,
White knight of the mind wins with one blow.
We will fight, its a war, well win the strife
No need for weapons, just a sharp knife,
The knife of light, weapon of peace
Reigns supreme
I thank Humanity for the greatness of our kind,
Beautiful, magic things are on this world.
I thank and bow to Mother that Im not blind.
Evil, destruction and savagery we must hold.
The stories of holy wars will be untold

Insecurity
My life is peaceful, because of no wars:
To me Humanity has shut all doors.
But my friends have empowered my will
To live in this life that is not a thrill.
But lately my senses have found something new
Personal security feels like absorbed lot of brew.
Cerberus! Come take me from this awful prison!
To live hollow like this to me has no reason.
Sky-scrapers now resemble arrows
Pointing me the dark clouds that look like a threat.
They will separate humans like chaff from the wheat.
Emotions are lightened, theyre no longer dead.

Love Evan Brotherhood

Presence of love leads my being to crime,
Crime against my own bad devotion,
Devotion to love and effect of a portion
Portion: the sector of my brain flooded in wine.
Christ carrying his holy cross up the hill,
Atlas holding our sick world on his shoulders,
I keeping my heart full of boulders
All three paying for an unholy will.
Haunted by repelled, exacerbated emotions,
Hearing the anti-Cupid whispering in my ear
Solitude surrounds me but I will shed no tear
Anymore
I need the passion of love like light,
But all I get is zero affection.
Ability to love now is a mere assumption,
Because in my soul has risen the night.

Ill Never Give Up

My existence is co-related to the shadows under my pillow,
As I sleep, Im plugged in my personal wasteland of dreams.
Love waiting for me like a husband awaited by a widow
Made my fantasies be pushed to the very rims
My amuck brain has claimed many spheres of knowledge
Enabling the dogmas of life to flow freely through my veins
But love seems to be locked away in a forgotten luggage;
The loss of the priceless item left my brain filled with stains.
My spirit fought long to release love from the vault
Even if defended by demons of hate and false friendship
And even if heretic emotions forced me to come to a halt,
Destiny has written that I will kiss your lip.
I gaze in my heart and understand its my fault,
For I have sinned against my own nature,
Always taste my life and it tastes worse than salt
Luck filled me though, as I have a love teacher!

Rise of Dark Evan

The dark soap of misery cleansed my skull of life,
Employing obscure thoughts to replace the empty space
Every enemy of mine became a nightmare that I wish to erase.
As sadness grew to anger, so did hate became my wife.
Like the Holy Grail, intelligence is a forgotten myth,
Lost in evil and stupiditys tragic victory.
Devils that once lured behind thriving intellect have formed a dynasty
That will fully enslave our weak minds if not dealt with.
My security has been lost in a blizzard of thieves,
The trusted acolytes of disorder itself they are,
Their minds leak of poison, from greatness theyre far
Someday we will shatter chaos as a tree throws dead leaves.
Long have I considered danger a hilarious thought.
Troy was defeated because of a terrible trap;
Who knew that I was going to be thrown form good wills lap?
Peace, balance and love nothing more did I sought.
Wish I had strength not to die in this struggle
It might be the only way to gain the craved freedom.
But to win the conflict I need more allies than wisdom!
Damn I just hope I set things right

THE BIRTH OF THE GRIM REAPER WITHIN

Struggle of Dark Evan

Youre playing dead in the event of a treason
Though still making me breathe out air to breath in poison!
Just observe my face you bought me a lot of heat
Lights out, total darkness a demon kisses my feet.
My melanin is all gone in exodus,
Try to disturb me, youll face my wrath thats ferocious.
A saber will cross your head just to say hi,
But if I had a choice, Id rather die.
For most human beings, knowledge decreases fame
After Ive checked every person, I saw youre all the same.
Evolutions not proportional to years flying away;
No matter the time, I wish living in the next day

Kiss to Relieve
Little white dots, creators of light and wonder
Open your exhibit of secrets or tear them asunder!
Bless me with power to understand your will
Because your golden little brother soon needs to refill.
Your tides of force can rift worlds with great ease,
But your destiny resembles life you need to appease.
Your radiations fluctuate to our planets,
Amusingly we receive this destruction like we are sockets.
The Celestial Sphere will expand to double infinity,
Therefore we will sink into deep space deliberately
Questing for the meaning of intellects existence.
We will ultimately find it in a petite sentence
My love, these little white stars in your eyes
Are a noteworthy way to preserve me hypnotized!
Ive found the meaning of life within,
Now kiss me gently as the light goes dim

Make Me Want More

Undress quickly, I need to change
Tonight in my fresh look fun waits around the corner.
Bliss will engulf the prom in my eyes of sage
So let bub stir throughout our hearts to get warmer!
Lets all enchant our movements, lift the dust,
Exalt greatly levitating and seduce some sins,
Fire up my blood for this sky of rust
Then mark me with the lipstick of your dreams.
Listen to the music to vibrate along the rhythm!
Divide nine to three AM confusion leads us home;
Swarms of affection echo in me from your inner kingdom
After love expands so pure, loneliness becomes a gnome.

The System
Ill be running slow
When the neon will glow.
Multiple destinations I must reach,
And reality Ill try to breach.
Electrical impulses feed my core
When fighting life is living a war.
Snore and slumber white wing,
Cause machine is mans new king.
Im here regardless illusions
Outside this mainframe of distortions
Where freedom dominates our feelings
And sensitivity doubles the bindings.
Human, you must force your luck!
Concentrate and try to wake up!
Leave your worthless reality behind!
Its your nightmares that I want to grind.

The Battles Almost Won

Feeling of a loves crusader
Entering her old eyes sate.
Fighting through her prides to reach her,
Her rejections are a weight.
Winning a piece day by day
So satisfaction eats her will.
He gets in charge to lead her way
Using movement like a mill.
They now plan to grow together;
Their seen future must shine bright.
Dancing in a stormy weather
Crossing hearts in that cold night.
Every touch sailing from him
Redefines her loving stars
And bursts in jealousys swim
Toward weak minded mens doors.
Such a man hosted this seed
Inside. Seeing them together
Turns him from red rose to weed
Lack of choice begins to bother.
Thus greed is of death,
Widow Mary cries,
She cant catch her breath
As loves crusader dies

Rations Inertia
Im resting easy in my bower
Watching the sea in the sky;
A vibraphone starts to cry
Faith motivated to speak an hour,
So my desires enter peace
Leaving me without a kiss
And my sadness begins to cower.
Paint me peace with some emotion!
Show me evil in an ocean!
Up to God I yelled with power.
Peace is killed along stolidness.
That was the answer God possess.

One Man Can Make a Difference!

With cold guitar and a warm heart
In gloomy nights he strives
To sing the old forgotten art
Of soul beauty that thrives.
Alone again he tries to start
To leave from mankinds hives
He finds a fortune in a girl,
So they become best friends.
In his pupil times sleep and swirl:
He grasps them in his hands.
Alone again the death hell hurl
To all, friendship he lends
With warm strings and hot-blooded veins
He chants the sadness end.
Upon the world his teaching rains
And so peace cannot bend.
White pigeons shine above our plains

Black-Cyan City
Cars are rushing in the twilight,
But Im walking, walking slow;
Vibrant breeze puffs to my delight
As Im walking, breathing slow
In the black-cyan city of night.
Backpack rests and weights my finger
And Im walking to my goal;
Content city lights must linger
To be walking, breathing slow.
Ill prepare to be a singer
for my love.
On the lake I see the starred sky
As Im walking in the park.
Moonlight petting our blue eyes shy
Walking, kissing in the dark.

Thoughts about My Sea

Flaming sand near chilly seas
I touch gently with my knees,
Like my arms coil around you
And fingerprints kissing true.
Flaming sand will freeze the time
When I need life to be fine
In your company once more:
Rub my lips and make a lore!
In chilly seas mind speaks
To your warm blooded cheeks
About the bound nether spheres
Of love and its frontiers.
Then Sun makes the water churn
And questions forever burn.

From Above
Dear lover,
Greetings from far, far away,
I did not wish to leave so sudden
And I wont be back today.
Seek me out when youll enter Heaven.
I wish I could not stay;
Even though its white with angels here
I want it my own way.
Go home and cry for me, dear
Cause I will never return alive.
Take our love, visit a seer
And that way in my soul youll dive.
Our paths will cross once more,
In eternity our spirits bind:
To God thats what I swore.
Yours forever,
Evan.

Dandelion
Today, when I searched the dark background of sleep
I found a lone standing dandelion.
With white petals to my window it will creep.
White on black, whispering dandelion
That trough its bright corolla makes nightmares weep
Astoundingly wonderful dandelion.
Hunger for beauty you need
To absorb its soft essence
In the dream we now proceed.
Will your eyelids bounce?
Pressing hard on the thin build blossom
With the reviving breath of a light ray
Can shatter mysteries So awesome
Is the explosion of silky array!
Fog in morning worlds I must obey
Tonight, I will search the dark background of sleep
And Ill find a lone standing dandelion

Listen Up!
The high school, great pain, laughing in my face,
Is dissolving the future of our race;
Is damaging our esteem as a mace.
Students embody victims or devils
While crawling to their classes like fables
Professors are titans who enslave the mind
With screaming and shouting and yelling I find
My neurons spilled over the notebook behind
The desk. Grouped or together we try to fight
Torture injected to preserve their might.

Last Moments
Eyes in eyes are watching the foot
Landing thunderous nearby.
They wont wait for it to fly
Again! No way should they stay put!
With six legs insects defy
Death if only they could cry
Crawling beast! Homo sapiens
Totally rejects your kind.
For your nature is the bind
To defiling perfect heavens.
Prey to most, your fate is blind
As well as your eyes combined.
Foot prepares to slay another
Puny creatures than bother
Wipe off the squished other.

A Story
Only my passion for you makes my eyes shine,
When contact between us disappears, I find myself whine.
Yet your shy, beautiful smile puts a blush my face;
My old dark entities say I fell in disgrace.
Snow turns white from gray in my new vision,
The thought of not seeing you created me a lesion!
A scent of our mutual loves perfume slips my mind to you;
In the event of any danger, for you Ill fly right through
To hug, kiss and rescue my one true love
For I am yours, and you are mine, my dove!

Midnight Thought
Amphibious in life as ducklings in swamps
And agile and ferocious as a cheetah
Amazing
Is the fusing of unique though resembling
Creatures from swamps and from glades eternity.
Noticed
Differences?... no. All hearts, all souls are spinning
Around the Universe, seeking a great fate.
Orbits
And fates seem to be with drips of irony
When a cheetah and a duck share their love.

Look at the future unchanged!

Son of our actions and lives.
Day after night after day
Grows shaped by thinking and beliefs.
It is not free, its rather chained
To the inner walls of our cranium; a slave
For societys systems of ants
Its now crawling as always, under the battlefront,
Deserting us Time for a change.

TWO

Entity
What a horrible world is reflected in Dans pupils. Not a tear is shed it
would be a waste but a rock off the chest. I wonder still: is the world simply
reflected in his eyes or is it reflected in his cortex?
- I cant wait for the day all this collapses! Im sometimes unsure if this is a
dream or reality or if Im asleep or awake. Something took me the reason to live
ever since
Dan hesitated, but continued after Alex inquired:
- Ever since?
- Ughhh never mind. Look, Ill Ill see you when you see me.
And with that classical good-bye, he left. From afar, Alex shouted at his
friend:
- Go see the sea, man! It will clear your head!
Dan seemed to be more interested in the asphalt on the sidewalk than in his
friends advice. The bus-stop made him give attention to his inner self, as he tried to
answer his own questions. The nostalgic atmosphere dispersed for two minutes as the
bus (now a pathological destination for him) stopped as he got in. He couldnt help
staring on the window, almost searching for his answers on signs, persons faces and
skies.
He summoned his Inner God and asked for help.
- Why did Julie die? he screamed with an infrasonic sentence to his god.
Thinking that he is searching for his own response, Dan engulfed the light
entity in voices:
- It is destiny. You know that life is for those who can choose and destiny for
those who cannot. You have life, while she
- Enough of this! I want her back!
A tear rolled on his cheek as he repeated sadly: I want her back.
As he had only a station left to pass, his rage blinded him utterly and as an
effect, he banished his god and sprinted up, leaving his chair empty and exposed. Not
for long, for an old man quickly found it and occupied the nest of Dans latest
thoughts. The old man might have felt angers spirits around that sitting place, so he
did exactly like the former owner. The Inner God spoke to the old man:
- Lead him to the sea you will find your peace and he will discover his end.
It is best.
- God of my mind! the old mans thoughts exclaimed stunned. You have
returned to haunt me! No, I cant get involved. You are a sick fantasy from my
childhood, thats all!

- I know everything about you, but you know nothing of me, said the god. I
know that it has been awhile since you havent seen your true self.
Breathing hard, the old man left a terrible shout loose:
- GO AWAY!
- You have denied me. Your peace is revoked.
The people in the bus were surprised by the old mans horrid howl, and
frightened of his next surprise: an unconscious fall. He tumbled on the floor while a
woman nearby, having witnessed the scene, burst in tears in confusion and panic
At the same time, Dan was walking filled with contradictory emotions and
beliefs, when the Inner God appeared to him:
- Go to the sea, he ordered in a thunderous voice. What use is there for your
hatred for life? Release them in the salty waters and embrace clarity!
Dan only turned his head as a reply to the order. Inside, he said to himself:
- Only my imagination.
Then, addressing his Inner God after some time of having a blank head:
- Youre only in my imagination. Alex came with the idea of going to the sea.
Not my imagination. Not you.
That being said, Dan shook his head like trying to get the horrid entity out.
- Deny me, and you will not have the destiny I promised!
Silence is an answer as well, as no word came from the boys mouth or mind,
leaving the god with one last thing to say to him:
- So be it then.
The cold whisper of that autumn sea then was made known to Dan as he felt a
breeze and her dead love breathing hard in his own breath. The agony he felt lead to
an implosion of his mind. He paralyzed. He denied his god. He will never have peace
from now on. Just yells from the inside blocked there only to be heard by him
alone. A nightmarish scenario for any human being.
With the blight set over this tortured and noble soul, the god went to discuss
with the Sea itself.
- You have called, mighty one, and I have come! said the god with an unheard
voice. He continues: Why have you summoned me?
Then, wind started to blow over the already-cold surface of the sea creating
sky-high waves that smashed into the shore with rage. The people passing by and
through the god were soaked by these furious waves. They knew nothing of the
presence of the two titan beings right over their souls. An antithesis between infinite
power and lack of presence. Amusing Ironic. Almost cynical.
- I had no choice, answered the god to the dissipated waves of the Sea. They
have refused your will! They received what they deserved.
The waves blasted the shore again in anger.

- The paths you promised these humans ARE confusing, said the god in
humiliation. I HAVE failed you, master! I will try to do my best in understanding and
teaching your just ways!
With fatigue overwhelming the speaker, the Sea went silent in contemplation,
ultimately ushering a final wave.
- It shall be done, my lord! he said humbly, after which he vanished upon the
sea current to the city.

- And so God, in essence does not her eyes go wide. Please excuse me.
Just as Andrea left her friends, the god made its presence known as the goddess
Lula.
- I have been watching you lately, my dear, said Lula in a very feminine voice.
You seem troubled.
- Goddess Lula! Andrea said as she looked in the mirror to take a look at her
interlocutor. What reason do I owe your presence, mistress?
- Why, your next lesson, my dear!
- The timing couldnt have been better! said Andrea with a wide grin. I was
just talking to some friends
- They matter not in this lesson. This next one is for you and you alone.
- Should I send them home so that we can discuss undisturbed? asked the girl
in a faint disappointment.
Silence. Andrea knew what to do. After minutes of apologies to her guests, she
locked the door and returned in front of the mirror to resume the discussion, but
found no one there. Searching the house and calling Lulas name were in vain. The
goddess was gone, exacerbating the girls disappointment and sadness.

Dan was moving aimlessly on the sidewalk with fixed, frozen eyes. He
resembled a walking corpse. The gods hex will never lift...
As he was walking, he suddenly banged his head into a wooden door. He
repeated the move, apparently unaware of the obstacle. And again. And again. The
door opened to reveal a sweet teenager girl with blonde, beautiful hair. The frown on
her face was the only thing didnt match on this gorgeous being
Even under the spell, Dan stopped in astonishment, able to say only one word:
- Julie!
- No, said the girl with a disgusted voice. Who are you?
- Julie!
- Its not Julie. My name is Andrea. Wrong house.
- Julie!

- Ughhh.
Andrea rolled her eyes as she slammed the door.
- Julie!
From the other side of the door, the girl screamed rather anxious:
- Go away before I call the cops!
The image of his love had disappeared for long enough, so Dans state of
nothingness returned, turning him away from the door and into the cold heart of the
concrete jungle, where he did more than scare the population with his horrific and
uncontrollable behavior.
The Sea was stirring in disappointment.

In three days time, the god returned to Andrea to finish their conversation.
Again, it took the form of a female and approached its interlocutor:
- Hello again!
- Oh, Lula. You startled me, said Andrea in an icy voice.
Lula cached the meaning of her tone, and asked in a motherly voice:
- Is something wrong, my dearest?
- Oh, the fact of you going away when I needed your council most is out of
discussion, right?
The god knew it was called away by the Elements to set a boundary between
the Sky and the Sea just then, three days ago, but couldnt explain a such thing to
this mortal. So how could it apologize to HER? Nonetheless, it did:
- I am sorry. You are not the only one I commune with. I promise the lesson
I want to teach you now will make up for it.
To Lulas impressing words, Andrea raised her eyebrow:
- Indeed?
- The final and most important chapter must be heeded at all costs. But for this
I, must take you to the sea cliff first.
Off they went. When they reached the desired spot, Lula continued her
lecture:
- Now, I want you to jump into the cold, dark waters.
Andrea was petrified, starting to believe that she is just a girl with a rather
powerful imagination. She whispered to her mistress:
- Are you serious?
Lula hesitated. Ultimately, she transformed her voice into her original one: the
thunder of lightning as she repeated her last phrase. Shocked and completely
confused, Andrea proceeded on doing what she was told to do.
In the water she trembled direly, realizing what shes done. Her ashen face
cried out for help. Just before she could say anything, she has been pulled down the

bottom of the ocean! She struggled, but she had nothing to fight with. Her last
precious bubbles of air took to the surface, immortalizing her.
Lula appeared besides her as they were both landing on the sea floor. Hands
together for a prayer made up the body language of the goddess chanting:
- Inspire, expire. Inspire, expire. Inspire, expire!
With the last word, Andreas legs suddenly disappeared and with the same
speed, a fish tail grew in their place. She grew gills as well, and cached for breath for
the first time underwater. This environment is inhospitable for a naked human eye,
but hers adapted very rapidly. She talked with a muffled sound:
- What have you done to me?
- Swallowing all that water could have killed you. Instead, I see that you have
been born again. I welcome you to the depths! said Lula, now having a fish tail of her
own. Behold your immortal self!

- A beginning could be born out of an end, Andrea thought. And an end could
be a blessing, she said.
Lula nodded and sprinted to the surface. More curious than nervous, the
mermaid looked around. She saw many like her, males and females, swimming pass
her. One in particular seized her attention: a blonde-haired female with an oval and
attractive face. For a second, Andrea saw herself in the mirror again, but she was
certainly different. Still, she swam to her mirror image to talk:
- Hello, Im new here. My name is Andrea.
- Hello, Andrea! Im Julie, nice to meet you!

Dissolved Relation
Imagine touching my despair.
Contracted muscles, electrified neurons
Would you ask yourself why?
Or do you have the answer?
An explosion of hypothetical pain
Will erupt from within me.
You are not in the vicinity to witness it
How could you? When you are the cause?
I was left to tell my tale to myself.
The demon of my mind speaks of genius
While my senses talk of isolation.
I trust both and I trust none.
I am a lunatic in a cardinals inferno.
A purgatory made for sinners.
Maybe it was something I did. Did I do something?

Stripe and Spot

Picture the utterly infinite horizon
And draw me a stripe to it.
The gist is important as the act itself:
Chuck a rock to hit the ethereal horizon
And it might go on forever
Whereas a spot stands still,
Frozen in the isolation it was ushered in.
A solitary spot will watch history repeat itself
From the wall, from the mind, from the Sun
With the respect of a society to its ants.

REFUSED KISS

Love Hating
Could the aperitif of a couple be
An omen of their break-up
Whilst the main course constitutes in
Pain-free mutual orgasm?
When does a nest of pleasures
Change into a bowl of sorrow and depression?
Why isnt a relationships insurgent
Turned back to righteousness
But rather chained to hostility
From lover, mind and passion?
It always is. When loving fails. For hate prevails.

The pleasure of literature is that it can free you of day-to-day life.

Brain Damage
As Im now writing Im slowly getting miscellaneous brain waves and ideas.
These provoke my psyche: trying to understand the world I have decided to
begin with the beginning.
I will try to look at this earth from another perspective, one that many find
bizarre. I look out the window with the awaiting that torments me with its
stinging seconds that can barely flow from the clock. I look up at the bed. Just
now, it seems to be different from what it was before. Its a large, white and
odd object. The entire Universe has imploded in this bed and I am unable to
understand it as before. This is the way I rediscover it.
Suddenly I exit this trance: I find myself resting on a chair near a bed in the
room. The bed retakes its monotone existence, not presenting abstract
elements anymore. I recognize it now: its the bed Ive been sleeping on for a
long time.
I frequently try to view the world as a total alien to understand whats it like
to be born today. How would it be like to open your eyes this very moment
and see the peculiar shapes man and nature have created.
I try thinking at the future. Still, what am I thinking at? At what I want to
happen? At what others say will happen? Or unpredictable events? The future
has this randomness within. I will model it in my mind to result something
Ive long desired for
I enter a melancholy when the light disperses and the lively element
disappears from my line of sight, yet I continue writing. Its the blazing desire
to escape bad thoughts, but I somehow want to keep them. I dont want to
change.
Just that

Neighbors
From another room
I can hear them talk
Slowly and unintelligible
From the faint light-relaxing blue
I can hear them whisper
Bearing many things in mind
Stretched out and alone in the dark
I can hear them breathe.
Who cares what and who is
In that room filled with murmurs?
I am away from that room
And Sandman is nowhere to be found
Throughout the light-relaxing blue
Or beyond.

Religion The New Beginning

Its easier to be bad than to be good, but the hardest is to harmonize the two.
I met up with my grandparents on that cold day of February, the 21st. I went to
pick them up from the train station (one of the last, I must add) to take them to my
apartment.
The city was busy and monotone, as it has always been. The bus I entered then
was no different. Music blasting from my headphones was strong enough to keep the
exhausting melody of boredom away. The rhythm of the instruments scaled as I drew
near my destination. Sleep enclosed on me with a slow, but certain grip. Still,
transportation was faster, so I got startled when I saw Ive arrived.
The rendezvous was fast and predictable. Nothing special till we got home. At
home, my grandmother started yapping about her religion. Obviously, I frowned. I
cannot conceive a world filled with the religion she had back in her days. The atheist
truth has been taught to everyone for more than two generations, still she has resisted
this dogma and kept the old, dying tradition and religion.
- M, get us three glasses of wine!
My robots mechanical voice was heard from a chamber:
- Command confirmed.
- My moms fine, by the way, I continued to my grandparents. She will be
back from work in an hour or such
- That late? said granny with amazement. Her voice differed even from the
one she had five years earlier. Alas, the aging process is unstoppable.
- Well, she must finish her work first. It all depends on that.
- Got it, sonny!
M returned shortly with our drinks. It served them, and then stood upright
like a soldier waiting for new orders.
- Turn the ambience on and that will be all, M, I said to it.
Without a warning, the room swallowed us in a relaxing saxophone music,
after which M simply turned around and left.
My guests glanced at the robot as it walked away, then my granddad said to
me with a lighthearted smile:
- Have I ever told you the one with technology?
- Umm no, I dont think you have. I answered with the same expression on
my face. Please, do tell!
- Let me see. When I was seventeen, Liz told me about one of her visits to his
boyfriend she had then. Paul, I think You do remember Liz, dont cha?
- Yeah. You used to tell me shes my aunt.

I giggled at the recalling of those memories. She was a cheerful and loving
person. My grandfather continued:
- As I was saying, she told me that during this one visit, she met the guys
grandma (he quickly looked at granny with a devious smile and then looked back at
me). As Paul used the Internet to IM his friends, his grandma would sway on a chair
beside him. One infantile question this woman asked her grandson was: Are you
using the Internet to talk to your friends? and, the stupefied answer was, of course
yes. At this, that old hag carried on swaying and said in a bemused resignation:
Technology, dear. Technology.
All three of us laughed. After the laughter, granddad finished his idea:
- I never thought I might behave the same way one day, but this robot of
yours makes me say: Technology, dear. Technology.
The grin on my face ensured my interlocutor I fully understood his point.
For the next day I had to come up with fresh ideas for work. I got up at about
seven AM and fixed my breakfast, dressed up, washed my teeth, face, etcetera and
went to work. Its going to be a busy day. I thought. It really was going to be; pretty
interesting as well.
I said hi to all of my colleagues, after which I entered my office in a quick
pace. I was starting to brainstorm new ideas when my desk phone rang. I picked it up:
- A Mr. Alexander Evan Adrian is here to see you, sir. Shall I let him in?
I was quite amazed that granddad found me here. I said yes after which Ive
waited monitoring the door. Finally, he entered with a cardboard box in his hands.
His face reflected the disappointment within.
- Here, he said to me while handing me the box, your granny wanted you to
have this.
I bewilderedly took the gift from my grandfathers hands. Opening the box
revealed tons of religious artifacts. Once again, my face turned into a grimace.
- Why would you bring these things, to me? I thought you share my atheist
ways.
- I do, but I can give you these things to get rid of your grandmas ecclesiastical
accusations. I know you will get rid of them anyway
- With no second thoughts, I said interrupting him. In any event, grandpa,
how did you know where to find me?
- You do have a mother dont you? he chuckled at me.
- Oh.
He looked out the window and saw the generous layer of snow everywhere.
- Im sure you have a lot of work to do, son. Im leaving.
- Yes, I do. See you in the evening then.
I wanted to work efficiently after my grandfather left. And still, the box filled
with religious content distracted me the entire day.

Just before heading home, my boss Daniel came up to me in my office and

asked about my latest ideas.
- None?
- I
- What is that near your desk?
I looked at the box my grandpa gave me.
- Oh, just religious stuff from my grandmother.
At my line, Daniel laughed in a mocking way quickly transmitting the obvious
message by doing so. My eyes flared with disgust:
- Its not what you think. She is a believer; Im not. I was gonna throw them
away today.
He told me only Nice inspiration source. and left. I thought about what he
said and then a brilliant idea flowed through my cerebrum. I was very eager for the
next day to come so I could let my boss know about my latest plan.

The 23rd of February. I had spoken to Daniel to arrange a board meeting so I

could share the concept I created. He did, knowing I was gifted in my field. It was not
the first time this happened before either, and my results have been promising.
I was a little nervous about the presentation improvisation, but I started
talking:
- Ladies and gentlemen of A.T.C., take a look at our companys profile. In
doing so, you will see that we have participated in many areas of research for great
profit, which is a reason for the importance of my project. It gives me great honor to
unveil it for the first time here.
After that, I pulled the curtain off the illustrated project, continuing:
- Robots have been a priority for more than five years to us. The need to
promote atheism is great to our business. As you all know, believers see our creations
as insults to their gods I should like to prove them and the whole world how
religions began by sending a number of robots on an inhabited world!
The executives were clearly agitated. After many whispering noises, one of
them addressed me:
- Give us details, please. How does the project achieve the desired effect?
I cleared my throat before answering:
- We give the machines, in what number we decide on, a planet filled with the
resources and conditions they need to operate at optimum efficiency that we dont
have a colony on. By being advanced entities, their evolution will be at least a
thousand times faster than our species. Our evolution implied the development of
religion as well, and theirs will too. Seeing the birth and progress of another form of

belief will certainly convince the remaining theists that their deities are inexistent,
thus boosting our profit with about 40%.
- Intriguing, said the executive while rubbing his bald chin.
I was trembling slightly at the end of the presentation. Whispers began
erupting again. The very same executive announced me that he will let my idea
known to the companys president. I was very exhilarated so my trembling became
clearly visible. Daniel approached me and said with thankful eyes:
- That was good!
I got home in the evening of that important day, greeted my grandparents and
went straight into the bathroom to take a shower. The music I chose for the bathing
couldnt have been more fitting! I felt relaxed satisfied complete It was all
perfect: the air, the fresh perfumes, the velvet of the soap and silk of the towel the
ambience and the day itself.
The dinner made by granny was excellent: natural and delicious. Mmm! Its
the aroma of a warm meal that makes life so good: delicate light meat, cheese-covered
fries and a green salad with tomatoes.
My bed was never before so comfortable
All those shattered with irritating buzzes and beeps: it was seven AM again. I
was tired after enjoying all those miniscule pleasures the day before and I kept
wondering why.
Naturally I got up firstly to prepare breakfast. Washed, dressed
I carelessly entered my office and almost knocked by two of my plants with
the door. Fortunately, I caught them in time. Then I started working. Half of that day
was spent in ambiguity. By the long-awaited lunch break, my phone rang and I
picked it up as usual. My voice expressed my exhaustion, so I sighed in the
microphone, then:
- Yes Simone, what is it?
A male giggle, then:
- Actually this is Chrisom. Your project proposal is noteworthy. Can we
discuss this matter in my office?
Wow, the president of A.T.C.! The first time he addresses me in person! I
thought. My words babbled out, but mostly meant affirmative.
- Great. Be in my offices in fifteen minutes.
*Click! Beep beep beep beep*
The dichotomy between satisfaction and its opposite couldnt be attached a
definitive emotion. I was thrilled because it occurred, but must I really go in fifteen
minutes?! Thats when the lunch break starts! The sacrifices I must bear for my job
I took the elevator to reach Mr. Chrisoms office. I walked shyly to him after
the elevators doors recoiled. I could see him in my imagination sitting on his
directorial chair: bald, old, with a 20th century black suit and a charming and reserved

smile. I had to smother my remaining thoughts so I could talk to his secretary, but she
saw me before I could open my mouth and told me with a French accent:
- Mr. Chrisom is expecting you, sir. Entre, sil vous plat!
I did, and saw my superior. He was exactly like in my imagination moments
earlier. I dont know how the hour spent to making my late-night idea come to life
passed, but it certainly ate my entire break. However, I was named the head of the
project, since I was the one that came up with it. I had two days to put the plan in
motion: me and the assigned personnel.

For the first day, I organized the group in my suborder. On the second day:
- We should definitely send humanoids, John. MH3s, to be more precise, I said
to a colleague.
- Why should we send MH3s? Theyre experimental Oh, I see, John nodded
in resignation.
- I want to inspect the model first, though. Can you get me one here in ten
minutes?
- Im on it.
Shortly, John returned with a state of the art MH3. After closing the door, the
robot retook its usual vertical and motionless position.
- Too bad theyre too expensive for most of us, huh? I rhetorically and
sarcastically asked John.
After a quick examination of the machine and its complete manual guide and
data sheet, I concluded:
- This model is human enough to be sent out there.
That was true, and John admitted that in the end. It even has a silicon face,
capable of real facial expressions. Its resistance to almost all factors of environment
was higher in comparison with its predecessor, not to mention its artificial
intelligence.
- Should we remove the Three Laws from the specimens we send?
John was referring to Asimovs Three Laws of Robotics. His question was well
put. Finally, we decided to uninstall the laws, but only after the robots deployment
on the planets surface, because the complete freedom was necessary but in human
presence the lawless robots could be dangerous. Still
- what planet shall we use? I inquired.
- Good one. Hmm any more bright ideas?
John grinned.
- Im thinkin, Im thinkin.
After a brief moment of thinking, I said:
- How about Ganymede?

Everything was ready. The CEO had to be announced so I did that in person.
He was highly satisfied with the outcome. The launch of our space ship containing
three hundred MH3s to Ganymede was scheduled for launch in a week, week in
which we had to do the final adjustments to our plan and materially prepare the
entire modus operandi.
That week is almost over. Tomorrow I will embark the ship along with a
capable crew. I forgot to say this: I and a team of scientists will survey the robots from
high orbit for a month. As you can see, it will be a long mission but I think I will
survive. Heh.
For now, I bid you adieu!
JOURNAL ENTRY COMPLETED.

Today will be the first time I go out into space. Frankly, Im a little nervous,
but the electrical guitar music relaxes me deeply. I think I have accidentally swollen a
drum set for I can feel my heart beat clearly through my entire vascular system.
Perhaps music blasting from my headphones is strong enough to keep the exhausting
melody of boredom away, but possibly too strong this time
I close my eyes in anticipation. I assume Earth will do well without me. You
know, I know that humans have been sent to the corners of our planetary system and
returned in one piece, but space missions are still dangerous. I dont care. I can do it.
Its okay. *Sniff*
I enter my favorite magazines site. Here we go: a click here and a click there
and I purchase the code. Type the code in the bar and presto: another month of
access. My eyes go wide as I see my todays mission in the news. It starts with the
title: A.T.C. Sends Robots against Religion. I might as well be famous. Whooo! But I
am! Heres my name crystal clear next to my title: chief of operations. Too much
excitement I feel I feel vomit in my throat
Im dressing to the nines for the hype and looks. My luggage has been ready
for two days. Whats wrong with being a meticulous person?
- M, where is my white shirt?
M enters the room and retrieves the lost piece of clothing, now lost and found,
and hands it to me. I look at M with gratitude, but it is neither human nor a very
advanced machine such as an MH3 to comprehend the noble message. I figure this
out quickly and feel remorse grab my now less vibrant heart.
- That will be all, M.
Looking away from what had to be done, I notice the sunny weather in
looking out the window that makes me go outside and take a deep breath of fresh cool
air. When I was an adolescent, I invented a quote: Sunrise, switch off. Sunset, switch
on. I wish I never switch off nor do I want sunsets

Im done packing, dressing, eating. In about thirty minutes the entire flight
personnel must be at the launch site. Im lucky that this place is approximately
twenty twenty five minutes away from me so I can get there in time if I depart now.
I get there in time to brief everybody but the journalism body was waiting for
my arrival so it took me awhile to hand interviews and evade their frustrating
cameras.
I enter the main hangar bay to do my duty as chief of operations. The crew
knows its protocol (or so I was told), so I just give the final instructions to my scientist
corps.
We all undress and change into our space suits. These remind of this one time
when I saw space suits used in the 20th century. They were so bulky and it made me
wonder: just how did those people handle them? Needless to say, ours are far more
advanced and slimmer, colored differently one from another so we can recognize
each other with greater ease. Incidentally, mine is cyan.
The launch proceeded with no turbulences or problems of any kind. This
information was confirmed from the ground. All I see now from my stasis chamber
is black and sleep flowing through my eyes and

We reach Ganymede within the predicted date. John opens a bottle of

champagne to celebrate this success and everybody seems happy watching a space
visor on which our planetary systems king, Jupiter, can be seen in its full might.
The alarm is triggered out of nowhere! Its red flashes worry me deeply but the
others seem content with it. Suddenly the mess halls side doors open slowly revealing
an endless number of MH3s waiting motionless. They werent supposed to be here
and still the bulk of the people surrounding me neglect this aspect as well. The alarm
continues to sound and the machines are activated and come towards me, when I
notice a new disaster: our ship was pulled by the powerful gravitational force of
Jupiter.
The robots start dancing as all the people are laughing deviously at me like
demons. Actually, they now grow horns! All the eyes I can see artificial or natural
blaze incandescently. It all resembles a hellish ritual for blood
- Make it stop! Make it stop!
Im scared. I tremble in fear and recoil at the terrifying scene. My hands are
covering my face, but I simply cant look away! Just as Jupiters hostile atmosphere
engulfs our fragile ship, a dingo dog emerges from thin air, looking up at me from the
ground. I am more than surprised to see this critter. It is the only being within my
line of sight with normal, innocent eyes.
All of a sudden it lifts itself up on its hind legs and by doing so, becomes my
size! It puts its frontal paws on my shoulders so I can see its complete face, now

demonical, in contrast with oblivion. I struggle screaming to remove the imminent

danger
and wake up

We reach Ganymede within the predicted date. John opens a bottle of

champagne to celebrate this success and everybody seems happy watching a space
visor on which our planetary systems king, Jupiter, can be seen in its full might.
Gwen:
- A toast for what should we toast for?
She giggles.
John:
- Forget toasts! This ones for us and our (pause) success!
We all applause almost frenetically and some of us are laughing. As shy as I
am, I get on a chair and:
- You know that success is defined as going from failure to failure without
losing your enthusiasm, right?
After I say this I quickly wink and smile. Again, laughter. To this, Gwen says
with her cynical self and a cheerful smile:
- Get down from there Mr. Encyclopedia!
Even more laughter. I obey rolling my eyes in the appearance of inborn
innocence.
Gwen filled the position of medical officer, hired by A.T.C. solely for this
mission. Although she had no liaisons to either of us in the group, she became one of
the most popular onboard. Is it because of her marvelous blonde hair and green eyes?
That as well, but her social skills are definitely responsible!
The mess hall. Everyone is eating and getting to know each other better
gradually opening up one to another, firstly with shy and vague subjects, later
continuing with more elaborate and personal ones. Gwen is talking to Wynona, a
young Native American with a charming voice that I am unable to perceive as of this
world. Well, of this Universe, since Earth is very far away
- Encyclopedia! Day-dreaming?
Johns voice stimulates my faint attention. Returning from the backwater of
dreams, my brain gets my mouth to say something:
- How come you call me Encyclopedia too?
- Dont ask. It sort of stuck to you. Suites you well, too.
John chuckles to his own catchphrase with his mouth full then swallows his
last piece of dehydrated pea mush.
My first breakfast in Ganymede high orbit comes to an end. If anyone can read
my mind now, then I ask you: how do you feel in the void near this remote celestial

body? Imagine. The slightest accident outside the ship can put lives into obliterations
path and no one might be able to do a thing, perhaps only watch you agonize. Ever
thought of that? Then again, the beauty of Cosmos is indescribably magnificent,
differing greatly from the one you can see from home. The stars dont resemble
fireflies anymore: they dont glitter anymore. They choose to lie still and frozen on
the paper they were painted on. Obviously, you cant see the Moon anymore, which
is a thing that kind of eradicates whatever romantic and, at the same time, platonic
feeling you have in you
Before we descend onto Ganymedes bombarded, cold crust to deploy the
MH3s, I want to send all important people in my life a message to let them know I
will be stepping on another world soon.
We must depart right away.

- Robots are online, sir, says a member of the crew to me via radio.
Finally, my project begins. I now remember I will be here for a long month

DORINA, CLASS 2 FREIGHTER LOG

Week I
The robots are beginning to discover the surrounding environment and the
artifacts left behind that would spur their start as a civilization. Their body language
expresses confusion, also curiosity and interest. A crude communication system has
been detected around the middle of this week.
Week II
As predicted, they have separated themselves in two groups similar to tribes,
coupled by a more complex communication language that we can now name
language.
Their curiosity has lead to some use of the artifacts into an early religion form.
Among the one they seem interested in most is a totem that resembles an ape.
Apparently, both tribes have started to gather regularly near it.
We have also named the two robot clusters: Plato and Magellan. The platons
are more introverted and creative whilst the magellanians are explorers, completing
an average number of eleven long expeditions in 24 hours, compared to their platon
counterparts that complete only four in the same amount of time. To note is that a
platon robot accidentally destroyed itself in an accident, thus exposing its circuits.
Some Magellan and Plato robots have seen it, but the most interested in the remnants
were the platons, which have bewilderedly analyzed what they have found.
Week III

Development has done everything but stagnated. It is obvious now that they
are worshiping the Ape totem, along with other more minor objects, such as a tribal
item: a large obelisk to the Magellan tribe and a three meter high warped pyramid for
the platons. Furthermore, they are discovering ceremonial burial and creating tools
for various reasons and out of various materials: natural and/or man made.
Their language capabilities are exceeding those they had the past week and are
equivalent in human history to those of the Bronze Age.
Consciousness as being part of two separate groups has risen, expressing itself
through simple symbols marking their yet imprecisely delimited territories. As a
consequence to this, there also is a good part: the beginning of robot trading.
Week IV
It has been considered they have advanced long enough through evolution,
therefore a squad was sent on the surface of Ganymede to make the first encounter
with this early man triggered alien society. Recognizance group comprised: John F.
Silas squad leader, Anthony P. White lieutenant, Jack D. Archer robotics expert
and Gwen H.J. Hudson medical officer. All members were armed, considering the
possibility of hostile reactions from the MH3 societies. Instead of hostility, they were
worshiped by the platons and greeted with amazement by the magellanians.
The squad also brought other objects and materials on the satellite.
Evolution made one more step, as it was suspected they were starting to write
onto their monuments: the obelisk and the pyramid. Uncertainty in this matter is
determined by the uselessness of these markings.
Week V
The significance of this weeks results is smaller in comparison to others. The
robots have evolved on all plans almost proportionally; however, the small diversity
of domains has been maintained throughout the week.
The MH3 Plato faction has undergone a schism. A part of the rebellious group
has bolstered Magellan, and the left have formed a new tribe we now call Gilgamesh.
Their commerce is the most flourishing of all three from what we have seen. More
and more members join their ranks frequently.
Great progress has been made in the area of religion: the only one with
notable advancement. Figurines and carvings representing humans have appeared in
all three young cultures because of their previous interaction with human beings. The
Ape totem became the center of their religious existence and, from what we have
decrypted from their language, they are referring to the monument as the Ape God,
that they worship as the leader of the human gods.
The mission time has expired and the Dorina freighter will be recalled to Earth
tomorrow. Another crew will continue the study.
LOG ENTRY COMPLETED. To see the extended version, click HERE. To
access the database, click HERE. To exit this menu, click HERE.

Me and You and Something Less

Cigarettes puff elusive requiems out of your chest,
I see.
Your habit makes you strong, makes you special;
Youre a reserved genius holding a glass of champagne
With addiction serving as your muse.
Force of will, have you? Should you? To quit.
I think
Your habit makes you strong, makes you special,
So you cant conceive the sickle of light hiding behind
The addiction that serves as your muse.
Now regurgitate. This atrocity, pure waste of money it is.
I know
Your habit makes you strong, makes you special,
But it only makes you feel like so, for inside,
Your real, tormented breath has ceased to exist.

Prime Senses
An explosion of shapes
Into the brain it makes.
Shapes and colors to feed
The maker of pure seed,
Seed of sorrow Sight.
Music is alive with it
Repeating itself like a parrot.
I lay my ear on the ground
And I can still detect sound.
Hearing.
Lurks on places in the shadows,
When others are dead like pharaohs.
Heat, pain and freezing cold it speaks
Whenever objects the skin licks.
Touch.

THREE

A Toddlers Adventure
Michelle Angelo returned home after a date with her boyfriend. She was just
seventeen at that point in time. It was a bright Sunday, somewhere in the summer.
The Suns rays were febrile and merciless, diving into the saint blue atmosphere,
never to return to their creator like shot from the barrel of a pistol, their path
rectilinear and dispersed throughout space and the hourless time. To their luck, these
headed for the hospitable Earth to bask all life in life. Michelles mother was baking
brownies in the kitchen, releasing scents that can be considered a blessing for two
delicate nostrils, whichever they may be. The modest and cozy tone of that room was
completed by faint radio music of austere sublimity. Michelle entered and kissed her
mother on the cheek:
- Hi mom!
Her mom smiled and answered without looking away from the oven:
- Hello dear. How did it go?
- Mm... Nada out the ordinary.
They both took a seat (Michelle, and her mom, lets call her Mary) and
continued their discussion: a discussion that would renew flaccid connections from
their neurons, left to commemorate the events they kept inside, somehow still alive
due to memory, somehow still alive due to emotion and consciousness. It was on
that summer Sunday that
- But you see, he told me some interesting things I thought you might like to
hear because of their humor.
- Im listening.
these two lives would fall into a blender to receive a uniform and smooth
content, mixed by the Suns rays in 100F and stories
Marys lively but old eyes opened along with an honest and heartwarming
smile, ready to receive the penetrating message her daughter was about to unravel.
- Well, about his family. When they were young For instance, he told me
his father used to go to the swamp to catch toads and inflate them by blowing air into
their asses using a straw!
long forgotten by this old womans eccentric, deep circumvolutions made
by time: scars made on the brain by no surgery but that of
They both laughed. Just then, something bloomed in one of them: a longforgotten reminiscence.
- I knew a boy when I was your age that did the same her mom
remembered. I think his name is Daniel?
- Oh, mom, but thats not all! Michelle cheerfully insisted. Not even close!
Johns dad also shoed cats with nut shells. THAT is hilarious!

- You know, when your aunts were girls, they would do a lot of naughty
things.

- Like what? Like what?

- You see, they once played, along with me I must add, a game you kids these
days might find esoteric. It
- Mom, whats esoteric? the girl interrupted.
- Obscure, mysterious
- Oh, ok! Go on!
the unfortunately irreversible aging process. Scars that deformed the
personality over the unforgiving time of an inexplicably recent reawakened mind,
which will
- As I was saying, the game was practically invented by us back then. I would
lie on the bed pretending I was dead, and your aunts would moan me and light
candles for me, sing funeral songs, stuff like that
In the meantime we were called by your grandma to assist her on a shopping
trip. We couldnt possibly refuse and did so. But when we returned, we saw smoke
coming out of the window. We managed to extinguish the fire that burned the entire
bedroom. You see, while playing, candles fell onto the ground and my sisters simply
replaced them with new ones, ignoring the fire still blazing from the fallen ones.
tell stories no other ear has heard before, perhaps because of their intimate
uniqueness or their traumatic experience or their intimate uniqueness and
traumatic experience. It is
Michelles face revealed a useless panic and surprise to her mothers story and
giggling after telling it. How could she possibly giggle after recalling an eso
esoteric hmm after an esoteric and dreadful dreadful even to me memory
such as this? Is it moms age to blame? Is it possible? To consider a such thing
hilarious?
- Mom How can you laugh? Its esoteric!
- Oh honey! It was a long time ago
Just as I thought. She said just what I thought she will say.
on that sunny summer day of Sunday that these memories will be brought
forth from the deep bowels of this old womans cerebrum to be blended with her
daughters to complete the sacral legacy.
Just as I thought. She said just what I thought she will say. Perfectly just as I
thought!
- Such a mom & dad answer
Mary finally opened the oven she had monitored the whole time, almost as if
it was a hazardous and dangerous object: a volcano ready to burst. When she took the
fresh, warm brownies out, she approached her tiny nose and breathed in with her
eyes closed, analyzing the delicate composition in unison with the wind from the top
of the trees that blew through the opening created by the pair of windows. The gentle

wind seemed to prowl the moment the brownies would leave their inferno to send a
sample of delicious aromas to Marys daughter: Michelle, of course.
- Mmm! Cookies smell great!
The girl hesitated for a second, and continued:
- Mom, tell me some more. Lets go into my room.
And they went. On a shelf near the desk stood a sad looking skull which
Michelle kept for a multitude of uses. She had made a habit in petting it every time
she entered or left the room: a slow, affectionate petting that turned to routine.
A skull: if it werent existent in the human anatomy and one would create one
artificially, I would identify it with a great work of art: the best possible recreation of
a human through mind, a reborn soul right in the composition of these mere bones, a
new identity, a look over ones marks of time, etcetera. A defunct mans cranium
stands for the quintessence of our lives: to live and to die. The more important gist,
however, is located inside the dissipated brain: what we do between the central
moments of ours as living entities and what defines us as individually unique persons.
To be is simply not enough for our existence to exist. We must be something
more we must be someone: a dream kept unconsciously locked within us. The work
of art we see in a Homo Sapiens Sapiens skull is the reminder of life, existence and
death of a unique person that wished and might have been the Someone he or she
always instinctively desired. It is a person who, unlike us, passed through all
meanings and moments of life, including the sacred and utterly irreversible moment
of death.
- So what should I tell you? meditated the mother for a minute or such. I
remember something. There is something I an uncertain you remember
- Remember?
- You were three (and to herself) no or?
- What? What?!
- Well, you were three and you were with Nicholas. I recall I left you both
in your fathers care while he was fixing the car and
Michelle laughed ironically and said:
- That piece of shit is not a car, mom!
- Michelle! Thats a terrible word! Refrain from using it in my presence, at
least.
The girl bowed her beautiful yellow eyes in resignation and apologized:
- Im sorry.
- As I was saying, your dad was fixing the car, and you two got a crazy idea:
why dont you go to the fair? Well, why not? Both of you were three and OLD
enough to go unsupervised to the fair, pretty far away, no?
Mary smiled and got swept away by the story:
- Now, among other things, I will tell you what you told me then.
- I TOLD you?

Laughter. The muse of goodwill: smiling.

- Yes! So, you crossed the street alone for the first time! When I heard you did
that, I was partly proud and partly scared
There is fear of anything and everything in anything and everything
anywhere and everywhere. Fear.
- , but you did it!
- Mom! Mom! Mom! Whooo! Back up a little. How did we lose dad?
- You didnt. He wasnt even paying attention to you cause he was too busy
with his damn car.
Michelle puckered her lips in disappointment. She was definitely disappointed
by her fathers carelessness. One of Suns rays found a way through her beautiful
blonde hair that had to be the Suns blood dripped onto this special girls scalp: like a
queen in disguise she seemed. A combination between man and divinity was reflected
in the mirror next to Michelle when she looked in, so that the mirror can see her and
marvel in its own beauty in the girls eyes. Her boyfriend must be very pleased with
his girlfriend: with Michelle, of course. And now, she puckered her lips in
disappointment, and a frown:
- Go on.
- Yes.
Mary obviously knew what clenched her child.
- Yes, and you pursued Nicholas right through the market, then went down
the street: just the two of you. Later, you two held hands.
She took a devious, cheerful glance at Michelle to see if she would react to her
last sentence. Michelle did, as devious as her mothers glancing sight, blushing. And
so, Mary continued... after opening the window, because the hot, stinking air was
tainting both their minds: it smelled like filth and sex.
- And you fell! At one moment and you pounded the ground with your
wee hand and said: Take that, bad land! and got up and left! Ha-ha-ha!
And they both:
- He-he-ha-ha-ha!
- Oh, mom! I think I might just remember! A day much like this, wasnt it?
- Indeed. Anyway, I went looking for you when your dad came to me and said
hed lost you. I was going to strangle him right then! And so we went on looking
for you anywhere you usually bought sweets and candy and the salesmen knew you. I
remember you were dressed in a beige jacket I was simply asking people around:
Did you see my girl? I told you, they all knew you. Hasnt Michelle been here? All
kids around the block were also searching for you. Your dad said: Shes in the park
Thats where I think she is, cause shes been wanting to go to the park for a few
days. And off we went; we got into the car and went to the park. I remember I had
little and no voice in the car, I was rendered incapable of making any sound, I was
oh my God: it was terrible. And your dad kept saying, because he probably knew

what was in my soul: Well find her, well find her, just you wait and see. And we
left the car at Zodiac, at the park entrance, you know then left for the bumper car
rides, swings. No, to the fair, to, where? Yes, to the fair. Your father kept saying that
well find you... Yeah. And we had just entered the fair and your dad said: There she
is!
Mary busted in a warm laughter, but continued:
- And I couldnt see you! So dad had to point you out. I couldnt believe my
eyes! You were in the swings and when you saw me, you came running toward me
and asked for ice cream, candy like nothing bad happened!
Joyful now, Mary paid little conscious attention to Michelle and relived what
was buried deep down inside her for more than a decade. Michelle thought her
mother would soon burst in tears.
- You got free rides in a lot of things that day. Or, at least, thats what you told
me
Fatigue overwhelmed the woman because of this powerful flux of happiness
and confusion, like a guitar player learning to use his instrument, finally managing to
attain his first melody in the applauses of an audience. The impact! Imagine! If you,
my beloved reader, have children who have been protagonists in similar events or if
you are a guitar player recently off-stage from your first concert, then you, my dear
reader, know what bore out of Marys mind that one and endless moment. Paradox.
We will now distance ourselves from Mary and her daughter Michelle, of
course, to carry on with our own lives that are filled with more than memories: our
lives act right now.

Road to Anxiety
- On your feet! suddenly says one of the only three dancing girls toward me.
Sitting calmly and relatively bemused on my little chair stuck somewhere in
the near vicinity of the nightclubs bathroom, I watch only three girls on their feet
exploring uncertain sources of energy dance. Three girls of the thirty there. Music
blasting with no use
I do not pose their courage and apparently my friend shares my dilemma. Oh,
the bewilderment! Respect her order? Stay at my place? Where does my heart lie?
What is my buddys opinion on this? These are the questions shot from the barrel of
my head to my friends after being born from my confusion, recoiling visibly more
effective in him through the prism of the girl, utterly scarring his attritional
personality. Its interesting reading his reactions to only three words that didnt even
represent a threat. Amusing, funny, ironic call it as you will.

I was desperately searching for this nightclub, Lanasia, accompanied by my

friend, Ulrich. Streets were snaky labyrinths, city lights were exhausting us even
more and I was at the zenith of my patience after half an hour of tiresome wandering
in vain.
- Why dont you give her a call? I asked Ulrich as I was rubbing my exploding
right temple.
I closed my eyes. I needed to.
- Shes not answering. It says that The number you have reached
- What could she be doing? I interrupted him.
Indeed, my question was more than fit for the situation we were ushered in.
Joannas instructions were clear, yet as bizarrely wrong as the concept of a firebreathing lion. Weve checked all of her instructions alternatives and still couldnt
locate Lanasia!
- What are our options?
- Lets keep trying said Ulrich after a short cough.
He punched the digits of Joannas number with great accuracy and speed,
thanks to repeated failures of dialing her, and indifferently approached the phone to
his ear.
It kept ringing and ringing and ringing and
Ulrich sighed loudly disappointed.
- No?
- No
- I hope the concert is a dud! I disgustedly said to my friend. I dearly hope it!

You see, I had the option of going to a concert on this very same night, but my
plans suddenly changed in Joannas favor. And I really wanted to go to the concert!
Amusing knowing she invited me to her coming of age yesterday. She probably forgot
about her 18th birthday and got the feeling she had amnesia for a little too long The
funny thing is that she wasnt even the person to inform me that I was invited, but
one of our common friends. I dearly hope the damn concert is a dud!
Ulrich was the one that had been given the directions, and I was the one that
had to follow them and him under the twilight of this chilly May evening. Isnt this
romantic? Yuck!
My line of thoughts was filled with more than Yuck!, Damn it! and That
concert MUST suck! I was experiencing most of Jesus regrets he had regarding his
own crucifixion! What a foul mind I had then two hours ago
- Shush! She answered! said the enthusiastic Ulrich. Hi! What were you doing
with your phone?... Eh, thats ok. Listen, you told us to follow the School number 5s
parallel and we couldnt find you anywhere Mhmm Mhmm Now thats
Fine. Ok then, bye.
- What did she say? What did she say? my enlarged eyes appeared to say. So
enlarged, that they were on the verge of bleeding tears.
My buddy passed my corneas and answered the question popping within the
complete perpetual blackness of my pupils:
- School 5 was just a reference point. We have to go down this street
And he pointed with his long, bony arm
- until it comes to a dead end.
- Oh, thats just great! said me as I rolled my perpetual black pupils. Lets just
go Super... May their guitar pop three chords!
Faith kept us going, because if we had none, my desire to go to the guitar
concert and Ulrichs urge to sleep would have taken over our provoked motivations.
I was advancing silently, cleaning my teeth with my tongue under closed lips.
I had the feeling I was going to kiss a girl soon, and although I brushed before leaving,
the notion unconsciously started the action, just like biting fingernails.
Before I knew it, we were in front of the door. A few guys, probably guests
like me, were loitering nearby. Two other generically drunk-looking slammed the
doors from the inside with the power given by the cola they had in the transparent
glasses they were holding. One of them:
- I know these girls are shit n cherries, but Miranda invited us, man!
The other seemed to mimic a word or two with his mouth.
- Later!
Ulrich threw a shocked look at me leaving me incapable of giving any
confirmation: only a stupefied grimace. He was asking me: Could this be the place?
Why all this excitement for potentially dangerous human specimens? you might
ask

- Follow the white rabbit I giggled and said to my friend while pointing to
Joanna through a foggy window.
Joanna looked heavenly in her white dress. She stunned me, really! I didnt
even notice her messy hair, or her poorly manicured nails. Or I did, and these
imperfections made her even more appealing to me. What wouldnt I give just to
- Hi! Ulrich addressed her
Day-dreaming. Huh. Wake up, Jake! Fantasizing with Joanna, huh? You
- Hi, Joanna! I found myself saying.
And then, I kissed her cheek. It wasnt a regular cheek no! It was sublime,
velvety! A gift of her mother on the day she discovered the world and light fled into
the sanctuary of her eyes Her green eyes like the sapphires of Persepolis
- You look splendid tonight!
I ushered a stupid smile, and continued with a mistake:
- Your hair looks marvelous!
Hah! The hair was the least of my concerns regarding her then. And made a
faux pas when mentioning it, because, like I said, it was a bit messy, and she is always
a bit irritated because nothing is perfect about me.
- Nice joke, Jake. Joke Jake get this! she laughed.
We were then planted on two chairs near the bar and bath and were offered
two glasses of fizzy juice. Instead of enjoying the sweetness of the drink, I walked to
the bar and got me a glass of gin. I drunk it slowly over an hour and forty minutes,
watching hesitating people going to dance, then as soon as a melody ended burst back
to their places, like albatrosses diving for their fish: first in a sacrosanct gliding they
scour the sea and then furiously drop to catch fish, only to return shortly back into
the air. The albatross got fish, and the people got dance. As soon as both of them
fulfilled their needs returned to serenity.
I pick up the odor of beer and hear a whisper from Ulrich. They dont both
refer to the same thing, to my surprise. I answer quickly and get carried away by the
drum n snare of the current song.
Suddenly:
- On your feet! says one of the only three dancing girls toward me.
Sitting calmly and relatively bemused on my little chair stuck somewhere in
the near vicinity of the nightclubs bathroom, I watch only three girls on their feet
exploring uncertain sources of energy dance. Three girls of the thirty there. Music
blasting with no use
I do not pose their courage and apparently my friend shares my dilemma. Oh,
the bewilderment! Respect her order? Stay at my place? Where does my heart lie?
What is my buddys opinion on this? These are the questions shot from the barrel of
my head to Ulrichs after being born from my confusion, recoiling visibly more
effective in him through the prism of the girl, utterly scarring his attritional

personality. Its interesting reading his reactions to only three words that didnt even
represent a threat. Amusing, funny, ironic call it as you will.
After some time, I accept the invitation and grab her by the hips and set off to
the dance floor, noticing Ulrich reticently following us.
And now, the dance floor. Smoke overflows from the tip of a lit cigarette,
intersecting its chaotic path with another in a meticulous ritual dance in the dim air.
Its gray, insubstantial body gradually descends into my pharynx, down my larynx,
down my trachea. Despite this, I glance around me. Three girls are dancing in unison
to the rhythmic music, using sensual movements with their sexual bodies. Six supple
legs imitating feathers in their delicateness. I touch the back of the girl that invited
me to dance. She takes a mysterious look at me from under long eye lashes. I
quickly turn my head, ashamed, fearing to blush. And now, under a slow melody, I
must close in and make more body contact. Her hair is black, riveting me. As I look at
her again, I see a pair of green eyes, looking at me from under long eye lashes. And
her lips! Fleshy and tempting they are whispering through the fog of sounds that
matters no more: Kiss kiss kiss!
Maddened by the torment of her mouth, I kiss the girl with an enormous
appetite. The girl is surprised, however, she doesnt move away, but rather grips my
shoulders and leans in me, leaving my hands to squeeze on her ass. Like a pact, we
cross our tongues and share our fluids in the others astonishment. Holy touch! Kiss
kisses kiss seduction! I end, at last, placing my weightless head on her shoulder
and inhaling the scent of smoke combined with a subtle and sweet perfume I can
even taste.
I dont know how it happened, I dont know why she wont say anything, but
we are comforting each other, still moving, eyesight fainting, temperature rising,
heartbeat, love increasing. I take another look at her: she smiles strangely, and I
delicately bite her lower lip, making her press her hands on my back and release an
Ah! like a secret relief: a proof of her pleasure.
- Whats your name?
- Jun.

- Are you sure you dont wanna try my new cocktail? I ask Ulrich.
He rolls his eyes.
- No!
- You mean yes, I say giggling.
- What?
- I asked you are you sure? and you said No.. Therefore, you arent sure
that you want any or not.
- Yes, yes whatever.

- So you do want!
I release an expressive grin. Come to think of it, a little too expressive.
- Are you high? I said I dont want ANY of your gin and orange juice cocktail,
ok?
- Fine, fine
I say taking a sip of my fresh concoction, expecting it to react violently in my
stomach. I, impressed by the failure of my fooled tongue, that likes it, leave the
digestive system to prove it wrong: the tongue, I mean. However, the cocktails taste
is a natural harmony of balanced sweet and sour tastes: a hymn for the drunken. It is
benign, smooth and still rough in a way. As it is more than certainly obvious, its color
is a shade of translucent orange, crammed by CO2 bubbles.
- Ulrich
Jun approaches me. Smiling.
- Ulrich, this is Jun; Jun, this is Ulrich.
Unpleased by this circumstance, an unconvincing smile lands on my lips. After
a few moments, odd as it may be, the next thing to land on my lips is another pair of
lips, pressing with gentleness.
- Do you mind if I steal him for awhile? Jun addresses my sitting friend.
Faking disinterest, this sitting friend of mine answers No. and looks at the
ceiling. Perhaps he sees footprints there
- Jake
A sad, short, tender kiss from her.
- Yes?
- I have something I want to tell you
A thought: Uh oh! Already? Oh my she has a boyfriend already! and my
breath is cut away in the black, green and purple air. Still, I say no word as modern
ethic forces me not to. I also appear calm, like I have no suspicion of her following
words:
- Its not easy to say this
Here it comes
- I have a
I cant stand it! My brain pukes the logic that would continue:
- boyfriend
- girlfriend.
I didnt get it. Im shocked! She has a girlfriend? I force myself to remain
calm. I think
- it went past me. You have
a girlfriend?! Who is she kidding? Ughhh I need a drink or two.

No more Jun. I had to resign myself by playing mime in a small group at 3 AM,
I think.
- Who the hell knows the time? Maybe you! Ulri Ul amigo!
But Ulrichs not here. Only people staring at me, wondering why am I talking
to a large potted plant. I cannot see straight, I cannot feel my feet on this planet, I
cant stand upright and I am unable to form even simple thoughts and sentences. I am
happy when I see a beer, being one of the few only things I still recognize. The others
are gin, vodka and any other drink I drank this night. Sorrow fed me with tons of
alcohol and forced my bladder dozen times this night only
- Jake? Jaaaake??
I hear a voice Its calling me
- Jake? Its me. Wake up!
Is it?
- Jake!
- Jun!
My head feels like exploding, so I put my palm on my forehead.
- No
- Camellia?
- No uh.
- Is it you, mommy?
- Oh man, its Ulrich. I gotta take you home, dude. Youre wasted.
I assume the assessment of the surrounding people could result in feelings of
embarrassment, stupidity and moral lesions. Oh my! I hope Ulrich will tell me what
did I look like and everything I cant remember really soon, so I can apologize to
Joanna. But not now! She mustnt see me like this! I might speak my mind
- Got to get home, pal! Am I alive?

WINDMILL

There Is Only Dust

There comes a time
In human life
To gaze up at the stars
And understand the glitter:
To see the Galaxy.
There is a moment
Deep in a nomadic night
To watch the Moon,
To see it filled in all the footprints.
Theres such a moment
Once a life.
Know planets, stars, space
And interstellar void.
You see, reaching out with your hand,
That you can touch the frail dust
Blown over this ebony of darkness.
Touch it, but never feel it.
See it, but never fully understand it.
Study it, but never ever uncover it.
It is then that you see
Your size.
The Universe.