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Kelly Tanguay

Kali Simmons
Essay Revision Plan
6/02/2016
Essay Revision Plan

Alter enthymeme: I will make my enthymeme more specific and shift its focus in order to
coincide with my argument more fully. I will change the enthymeme to revolve around
the semiotic analysis I used picturing Corey Maison. The enthymeme will be switched
from: People should not assume a persons gender identity because a persons gender
identity is not always expressed in an outward and physical way to: Transgender people
should have the right to use the restroom that they identify with or be provided with an
alternate option because transgender people deserve to be treated fairly, just like anybody
else. By changing my enthymeme, I will be able to more accurately pursue and argue
my point. It will help me clarify some of my evidence, while angling it to be more

informative and relatable.


Pick a different counterargument: After changing my enthymeme, I am able to pick a
more specific counterargument that is more effective in proving my point. My
counterargument will now be: Transgender people should not be allowed to use the
restroom they identify with because transgender people might pursue acts of sexual
predation. This counterargument is much more clear and follows my enthymeme. It will
make my paper stronger and will be more supportive of my original claim once I
disprove it. This counterargument is also good because people can argue with or against
it, which is a positive sign when picking a counterargument. I will talk about how gay

and lesbian people are still allowed to use the bathroom aligned with their gender, which

does not have anything to do with their sexuality.


Take out argument based on race: I will remove my argument based on racial
discrimination because it is confusing for the reader. My original evidence regarding race
makes the reader lose sight of what I am arguing, and ultimately weakens my papers
strength. So, instead I will add a different argument from Signs of Life. I will be using
Debora Blums article, The Gender Blur: Where Does Biology Take End and Society
Take Over? This article correlates perfectly with my argument and will monumentally

aid in making my essay stronger. I will talk about how society and biology affect gender.
Shorten semiotic analysis addition: I will shorten my semiotic analysis addition and
instead of just copy and pasting all of the material, I will pull out its strongest points in
order to most effectively serve the claim of my paper. All of the content of the original
analysis is distracting and just acts as filler. My peer-editors said that this was one of their
favorite parts, but that it was too lengthy and they didnt care about some of the
connotations and denotations I discussed. So, I will shorten this section and maybe

elaborate on some of the areas that I did not discuss and may seem unclear.
Use another argument from Andy Medhursts Batman, Deviance, and Camp: I will use
the quote on pg. 335 Moreover, such codes originate as semiotic systems adopted by gay
people themselves, as a way of signaling the otherwise invisible fact of sexual
preference. To make this quote helpful to my essays argument, I will talk about how
society has formed signs to identify people in many different categories. People are
always trying to identify things and make sense of things in their head through visual
cues. And, if a person wants to be identified as a specific gender, the stereotypical cases
people have formed to identify people should switch to fit a persons preferences.