Writing for the Reader

Tammy Trocki

Volume 3 Number 5
July 1996

AMS Best Practices Focus Series

AMS Best Practices Focus Series

Executive Editor
Suzanne Cooper

Editor
Jacqueline S. Garnier
Krista Kaminski

Production Coordinator
Dorenda Dawn Fisher

The AMS Best Practices Focus Series is a collection of papers that highlight particular methods, techniques, and
considerations related to AMS’s business consulting and system development activities. The series is published
by the Best Practices Program in the Corporate Technology Group. You can access the papers in this series
online in the AMS Best Practices Publications database on the AMS Knowledge Express®. For additional printed
copies or a list of available publications, call the Best Practices Program at 703-AMS-BEST (+703-267-2378).

© 1996, 1998 by American Management Systems, Inc.

All rights reserved.

This document contains confidential and proprietary information of American Management Systems, Inc.
Reproduction, disclosure, or use without the specific written authorization of American Management Systems,
Inc. is prohibited.

AMS, the AMS logo, and LPS are registered trademarks of American Management Systems, Inc. AMS Center
for Advanced Technologies, AMS Knowledge Express, and Achieving Breakthrough Performance are registered
service marks of American Management Systems, Inc.

Lotus Notes is a registered trademark of International Business Machines Corporation. All other products are
trademarks or registered trademarks of their respective companies.
 Contents

CONTENTS I

WRITING FOR THE READER 1

ORGANIZING THE WHOLE WORK 1

Create Your Outline as You Write 1
Make Headings Informative 3
Build in Repetition 3
Tell Your Conclusion First 4

WRITING COHERENT PARAGRAPHS 5

Write Around a Core Sentence 6
Use Meta-Discourse 6
Choose a Logical Order 7
Repeat Key Words and Phases 8
Obey the Five-Plus-or-Minus-Two Rule 9
Use the White Space on the Page 10

SIMPLIFYING AND CLARIFYING LANGUAGE 10

Write Naturally 10
Write Clearly 11
Write Concisely 14
Keep Your Fog Index Low 16

AN EXAMPLE TO EMULATE 16

REFERENCES 17

ABOUT THIS PAPER 17

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 WRITING FOR THE READER

Why do we write? We write to inform and persuade our reader.

We also write to document a technical design, work out ideas, or
meet a deliverable deadline. But the primary goal is to make our
reader understand what we have written and why.

Good writing is hard work. Good writers say a few things well.
First they set readers’ expectations of what they will say, then
they write clearly, concisely, and engagingly to fulfill those
expectations. Some writers, like our friend to the left,
underestimate the effort.

In this paper, we give you some tips to make your writing easier
to understand and to help you inform and persuade your reader.
These tips fall into three areas:

 Organizing the whole work

 Writing coherent paragraphs

 Simplifying and clarifying language

ORGANIZING THE WHOLE WORK

Organizing the whole work means figuring out how to arrange
your material into chunks that your reader can understand.
Organizing is not something you do once. It is a process that
goes on the whole time you write.

To organize your whole work, you need to:

 Create your outline as you write

 Make headings informative

 Build in repetition

 Tell your conclusion first

Create Your Outline as You Write

Your seventh grade English teacher taught you to outline your
paper before beginning to write. You were supposed to start

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with Roman numeral one and fill in headings for the sections
and subsections sequentially until your outline was done.

Then you got out a fresh sheet of paper and, starting again with
Roman numeral one, you were supposed to write paragraphs for
each heading sequentially until your paper was done.

Well, this didn’t work well in seventh grade and it still doesn’t
work well for most writers.

Most writers do something quite different. They do start with a

rough outline. It includes their main points or major document
sections. But something happens when they begin to make their
outline detailed. They get the urge to stop outlining, and instead
to jot down ideas, make lists, plunge into writing, outline what
they’ve written so far, or state their conclusion so that they can
think about the issue. In short, most writers do not first create
and then follow a detailed outline. They work through several
possible organizations as they write, organizing and reorganizing
their material.

Chances are you are like most writers. Don’t feel bad about your
apparently disorderly process—it is “iterative development” at
its finest. Eventually, you do have to produce a beautiful outline.
Why? Because it will become your table of contents and the
headings within your text. It will embody your organization and
highlight your message to the reader. But you don’t have to
stick to your first attempt. You can let it evolve.

Here are some rules of thumb about your (eventual) outline. An

outline should:

 Begin by announcing your purpose and organization. Your outline

should begin by introducing why the piece is being written and
announce what its contents and organization will be. The rest
of your outline will fulfill the expectations set here.

 Progress through some logical order. For example, an outline

should proceed from the general to the specific, from the
whole to the part, from the known to the unknown. See page 7
for information and examples of selecting logical order. These
apply to the organization of your whole work as they do to the
organization of each paragraph.

 Obey the five-plus-or-minus-two rule. Readers find it hard to

understand and remember more than five headings, plus or
minus two, at any level of your outline. Keep the number of
your chapters or sections between three and seven. Do
likewise for subsections within a section.

 Tell a story—the main points of your work. If your outline alone

tells the main points of your message, chances are you have

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WRITING FOR THE READER

organized the flow of that message in a way that the reader

will be able to understand.

Make Headings Informative

Your outline becomes your table of contents and the headings
within your text. The table of contents and headings are more
important than most writers think. Because a reader can read
them at a glance, they are the writer’s first chance to make a
point and to set the reader’s expectation about what will follow.

In the table of contents, your reader will scan your headings and
read them if they are informative. Then, in the text itself, your
reader will see your headings repeated, word for word. And
those headings will be emphasized by the format—set off with
white space, in boldface, or a different font. Don’t use ready-
made generic headings such as “Background,” “History,” or
“Overview,” when you can use ones that are so much better.

Informative headings help your reader understand the

information in the section. Compare the following generic
headings with the informative headings:

Generic Informative
Conclusion ➨ AMS Meets or Exceeds All Requirements
Overview ➨ History of Financial Management Modernization
Program
Phase 1 ➨ Phase 1: General Ledger Only

In each case, the informative heading does a better job of

informing the reader than the generic one. Studies show that
readers have better recall of information contained in identical
texts when one of the texts is headed with informative headings
as opposed to generic headings.

Build in Repetition
Reports deliberately incorporate repetition because readers
need and expect it. The executive summary or management
summary duplicates the main points of the report. The headings
in your table of contents are repeated in the headings in your
text. Then your headings in the text are expanded into
paragraphs of the text itself. Why is this repetition good?

Business and technical writing works best when it creates

expectations in the reader and then fulfills them. Writers
announce what they are going to do and then do it. These
announcements of intentions and fulfillment of your

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announcements guide the reader along your chosen path.

Repetition is one way to help you announce your intentions and
then fulfill them.

Tell Your Conclusion First

Don’t keep the reader guessing what your main point is. Tell
your conclusion first, then support it with facts and observations.
Telling your conclusion first is another way to set the reader’s
expectations, since he or she then expects you to support the
conclusion you’ve just drawn.

And do draw conclusions. Some writers think if you just state

facts and observations, the conclusions are obvious. The
conclusions may be obvious to you, but not to your reader.

Here’s a writing sample without a conclusion:

HTML does not support non-mouse navigation. HTML

cannot give two views of the same document, such as
when you “gray out” menu options based on user input.
HTML does not provide WYSIWYG design. In HTML, you
embed formatting instructions called markup tags within
your web page text. But new tools and techniques
become available every day. Talk to experienced web
developers about the latest user interface development
tools.

The writer is telling us faults in HTML, a design tool for making

World Wide Web pages. But the writer doesn’t put these faults in
a context or draw a clear conclusion. So, it’s hard to know what
to make of the things the writer is pointing out.

Here’s a writing sample with the conclusion stated first:

Current options for web user interface development are

limited. In particular, the formatting capabilities of HTML
pages are primitive compared to GUI development tools
you may know. For example, HTML does not support non-
mouse navigation methods and cannot give two views of
the same document, such as when you “gray out” menu
options based on user input.

HTML does not even provide WYSIWYG design. You

embed formatting instructions called markup tags within
your web page text. Shades of the 1970’s! But new tools
and techniques become available daily. Talk to
experienced web developers for the latest information.

In this sample, the writer opens with a general conclusion, that

web development tools are limited, then states a specific
conclusion, that HTML isn’t as good as GUI tools.

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WRITING FOR THE READER

The writer has set expectations that he or she will compare

HTML unfavorably to GUI tools. In setting these expectations,
the writer relies on the reader’s experience. Now the reader
reads the facts and observations on HTML as a comparison to
GUI features. And now the facts and observations make more
sense. Because of the comparison, we know what improvements
in web development tools to expect—GUI-style improvements.
The writer’s conclusion provided the “glue” that helps the facts
and observations hang together.

The first writing sample uses inductive reasoning, in which facts

and observations are made and only afterwards is a conclusion
drawn (if at all).

The second writing sample uses deductive reasoning, in which a

conclusion is stated first and then supported by facts and
observations.

Inductive reasoning is like piling people into a car and driving

them to a destination known only to you, the driver. The
passengers can guess at where you are taking them by looking
at the scenes going by, but they don’t know for sure.

Deductive reasoning is like piling people in a car, announcing

that you want to take them to a given address, and then letting
them help you navigate. Because they know where you’re going,
they can help you get there.

When we talk about writing coherent paragraphs in the next

section, we talk about embodying conclusions in the core
sentences of your paragraphs and about choosing a logical order
for the facts and observations that support them. Telling your
conclusion first is a good rule for both your whole work and for
most individual paragraphs.

WRITING COHERENT PARAGRAPHS

A coherent paragraph pushes the reader smoothly through its
content, providing not only the important pieces of information
that the reader needs to know, but also the relationships among
those pieces of information. To write a coherent paragraph:

 Write around a core sentence

 Use appropriate meta-discourse

 Present material in a logical order

 Repeat key words and phases

 Obey the five-plus-or-minus-two rule

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Write Around a Core Sentence

The core sentence raises an expectation that the paragraph
itself fulfills.

Core sentences are one indication that you’re writing

deductively. If you write deductively, then core sentences will be
second nature to you. If you write inductively, then check your
first sentences. If you plunge right into facts and observations,
then you may not be writing core sentences at all.

A good core sentence makes the main point of the whole

paragraph. Other sentences amplify and illustrate. If you can
take away all but your core sentence and still make your main
point, then you are writing good, deductive core sentences. For
example, we can take away all but the first sentence in the first
paragraph of the writing sample on page 5 and still make our
main point, “Current web user interface development options
are limited.”

Use Meta-Discourse
If the information that you have to present is the discourse, then
the meta-discourse is the words and phrases that help the
reader see the logical relationships between pieces of
information.

For example, how are we to understand the following pieces of

information? Without meta-discourse, it is hard to see their
logical relationship:

 French did not become the national language in England.

 The Norman conquest of England was not a national

migration.

 The Anglo-Saxon invasion of England was a national

migration.

 Great numbers of Normans came to England.

 The Normans were rulers, who spoke French in the courts.

 The people in the towns and villages spoke only English.

We understand this information more easily when it is

connected with appropriate meta-discourse, shown in italics:

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WRITING FOR THE READER

French did not become the national language in England

after the Norman Conquest, because the Conquest was
not a national migration as the Anglo-Saxon invasion had
been. Although great numbers of Normans came to
England, they were rulers, who spoke French in the
courts. Meanwhile, the people in the towns and villages
spoke only English.

Using meta-discourse helps the writer as well as the reader. To

use appropriate meta-discourse, you must explain to yourself
what your point was in presenting information.

Figure 1. Meta-Discourse
To Signal… Use…
Similarity likewise, just as, in the same way, as, similarly
Coordination in addition, too, also, and
Contrast however, yet, but, nonetheless, although, in spite of,
or, rather, on the other hand
Illustration for example, such as
Consequence therefore, thus, then
Cause for, because, since
Sequence first, second, primary, next, finally, later
Time before, after, since, when, while, until, meanwhile
Condition if, unless

Figure 1 lists the relationships two pieces of information can

have and lists some meta-discourse you can use to signal the
kind of relationship.

Using meta-discourse is another way to set and fulfill reader

expectations. These words are traffic signals about the direction
of your logic.

Choose a Logical Order

The reader will understand the direction of your paragraph’s
logic best if it follows a clear order. Figure 2 presents different
kinds of logical order, lists their usual organizational pattern,
and suggests the meta-discourse that will help a reader
recognize this order.

In figure 2, the kinds of order move from most primitive

(narration) to most complex (comparison and contrast).
Narrative is primitive because it uses the simplest of all ways to
organize. It relates data in the order in which they occurred.

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Small children can narrate before they have learned to analyze.

The writer who has not had time enough to think about or
research a topic will revert to narration, reporting on data in
chronological order. He or she will create this kind of order
rather than group information conceptually around the issues or
the questions that the data suggest.

Sometimes, of course, chronological order is essential. When

you tell the history of a project, for example, you have to
organize it chronologically. And often within a conceptual topic
you will organize your data chronologically. But you should
beware of chronological order. It will often occur to you first. It is
related to induction—first I looked at one, then I looked at two,
then I looked at three, and so forth. Induction and chronological
order are linked.

Figure 2. Logical Order in Writing Paragraphs

Kind Organizational Pattern Meta-discourse
Narration chronological first, second, next, finally
Description/ spatial/from essential to top—bottom, left—right, general—specific,
Definition particular whole—part
Enumeration chronological/order of first, second, next, finally, last, most
importance importantly
Exemplification chronological/order of for example, specifically
importance
Analysis discuss each part one factor, a second factor
Process Analysis chronological first, second, next, finally; initially, then, later,
last
Cause and Effect chronological/order of consequently, thus, therefore, as a result, for,
importance because, since
Comparison and discuss part of A, then on the one hand, on the other hand, similarly,
Contrast corresponding part of B by contrast, likewise, just as, in the same way,
however, yet, but, nonetheless, although, in
discuss all parts of A, then
spite of
all parts of B

We’ll leave it to you to use the chart to remind yourself of some

of the other forms of logical order that paragraphs can take.
Readers expect your paragraphs to have some kind of logical
order, and they zero in on the kind of logical order being used by
the meta-discourse that you furnish them.

Repeat Key Words and Phases

Selective repetition reinforces your message and makes the
reader’s job easier.

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WRITING FOR THE READER

For example, repeat words and phrases that embody your main
ideas. In the last paragraph of the previous section, we repeat
“logical order” three times and “paragraph” twice, since these
phrases reinforce our main idea—that paragraphs should have a
logical order.

Repeat words and phrases when you refer several times to the
same thing. Some writers get the mistaken notion that they
should use synonyms instead. They call a user “the user” in one
place and “the clerk” somewhere else. This makes the reader’s
job harder, since he or she may puzzle over the distinction.

Similarly, avoid pronouns when using them means the reader

must hunt back through your paragraph, searching for a
reference. Just repeat the noun. Make things simple.

Finally, use parallelism—another form of repetition. Parallelism

means using the same sentence pattern to link ideas and add
rhythm. Caesar showed off his invincibility with:

I came. I saw. I conquered.

It just wouldn’t be the same as:

First, I came. I saw later. Then Gaul was conquered by

me.

Some parallelism is essential. Bullet points, for example, should

announce items that start with the same part of speech.
Consider this example:

Our office goals include:

– Providing technical support

– Teaching users of the system

– The financial system will be maintained

– There will be training for system managers

The last two bullets should be rephrased, starting with the same
part of speech as the first two bullets:

– Maintaining the financial system

– Training for system managers

Obey the Five-Plus-or-Minus-Two Rule

Paragraphs with more than seven sentences are hard to
understand because readers find it hard to absorb more than
five plus or minus two chunks of information at one time. This

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 AMS BEST PRACTICES FOCUS SERIES

doesn’t mean all your paragraphs should be short. In fact, it’s

best to vary the length of your paragraphs.

Use the White Space on the Page

Paragraphs are seen as well as read. They are seen as chunks of
information surrounded by white space. The white space
emphasizes the first sentence of each paragraph and
emphasizes short paragraphs.

For example, a one-sentence paragraph makes an important

point effectively.

We’ve looked at organizing the whole work and at writing

coherent paragraphs. What else could make your writing more
readable? What else could help you inform and persuade your
reader?

SIMPLIFYING AND CLARIFYING LANGUAGE

If you are like most writers, you will need to work constantly to
simplify and clarify language. Even if you’ve concentrated on
organizing the whole work and on writing coherent paragraphs,
you still may struggle with the language of each sentence. Here
are some tips to help in the struggle:

 Write naturally

 Write clearly

 Write concisely

 Keep your fog index low

Write Naturally
Because readers mentally hear what they read, good writing
sounds like the best of good speaking. It is personal, warm, and
relates its message to its audience. Try to:

 Speak on paper. To make your writing more like speaking,

imagine that your reader is sitting across the desk from you,
then write to explain things to that reader. When you’re having
trouble with a sentence, ask “How would I explain this to
someone face to face?”

Once you’ve written something, read it aloud. Edit to

make it sound like the best of speaking.

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WRITING FOR THE READER

 Use personal pronouns. You show your reader that you take
responsibility when you say “I” or “we.” (“In Phase 3, we will
prototype the online system,” not “Phase 3 involves the
prototyping of the online system.”) And chances are you will
remember to relate your message to the reader’s perspective
more often if you address the reader as “you.”

 Use everyday words. Don’t use big words when little ones
work:

Big Word Little Word

facilitate ➨ help
initial ➨ first
optimum ➨ best
contains ➨ has
consequently ➨ so
in addition to ➨ also

Short is generally better than long. Of the 701 words in

Lincoln’s second inaugural address, a marvel of economy in
itself, 505 are one-syllable words and 122 are two-syllable
words.

 Ask questions. What’s so good about asking questions in

your writing? It helps set reader expectations of what will
follow. It gets the reader thinking of his or her own answer. It
helps the reader substitute for your absence by having an
internal dialog. In short, it engages the reader.

 Keep sentences short. Some writers write sentences that are

too short, but most of us have the opposite problem—
sentences that are too long. Write long sentences if they come
naturally, but then go back and prune them. Break them up.
Make some of them short. This alternation of long and short
sentences helps give a paragraph rhythm. It also gives the
reader a mental break.

Write Clearly
An anonymous cabinet member under President Warren C.
Harding wrote:

When [the president] stands up to speak, battalions of

words march out of his mouth and scour the countryside
in search of an idea; and when they find one, they
promptly trample it to death.

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Unfortunately, President Harding isn’t the first or last person to

be unclear. Here are some tips to help.

 Use definite, specific, concrete language. Use definite, specific,

concrete language instead of vague, general or abstract terms:

General and Abstract Definite, Specific, and

Concrete
A period of unfavorable ➨ It rained every day for a
weather set in. week.
He showed satisfaction as he ➨ He grinned as he pocketed
took possession of his well- the coin.
earned reward.
Many computers ➨ 100 desktop and 40-50 laptop
computers

When you use definite, specific, concrete language,

your words evoke pictures in the reader’s mind. Business
and technical writing often demands that you deal with
abstract topics, for example, “career development.” Yet
especially when discussing such topics, you can bring your
writing alive with definite, concrete language. Give
examples. Make your reader see what you mean:

General and Abstract Definite, Specific, and

Recognizing that employees’
individual success and the
agency’s success are
integrally related, the
committee has focused
increased attention on the
career development process.
Concrete
➨ Because our agency
succeeds when you succeed,
we announce a new career
development program to:
 Help you know your
strengths and
weaknesses
 Offer you better self-
study courses
 Offer you better in-class
training
 Help you measure their
your progress

 Use active verbs. An active verb requires a subject that is

responsible for the verb’s action:

The users tested the system this morning.

Passive verbs do not require anyone to take

responsibility:

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WRITING FOR THE READER

The system was tested this morning.

Use an active verb unless there is no comfortable way

to get around using a passive verb:

Passive
Customer data will be
➨
retained for seven years.
In order to achieve the
➨
modernization objectives
within program constraints,
subsystem packaging efforts
must take place.
This task will be performed
➨
under the direct supervision
of Jane Doe, who will act as
Task Leader.
Active
Directory Services will retain
customer data for seven
years.
Mr. Smith, our Senior
Architect, will divide approved
subsystems into work
packages that can be
completed during the
shortened repair periods.
Jane Doe will supervise this
task.

 Define unfamiliar terms before you use them. This advice applies
to most abbreviations. The rule is to spell out the full term and
give its abbreviation the first time you use it in a piece: “The
Federal Trade Commission (FTC) has a project underway …”
Thereafter, use the abbreviation only: “The FTC proposes to
…”

Similarly, you should explain professional and AMS

terms that may not be familiar to your readers. Take the
term “senior staff assimilation program.” Does the reader
know that “senior staff” at AMS means senior principals and
above? Does the reader know that “assimilation” at AMS
means orientation for new employees? If not, you need to
explain before discussing.

Some professional and AMS terms gain such currency

that they no longer need to be explained before they are
used. At AMS, “object-oriented programming” and “business
unit” are now such terms. But what about “middleware,”
“applets,” or “model-driven query formulation tool?” It’s a
judgment call. Err on the side of explaining.

 Remember the international audience. As AMS does more work

outside the United States, your readers will increasingly be
non-native speakers of English or unfamiliar with the U.S. Here
are some tips to clear writing for an international audience:

– Avoid slang or country-specific references. U.S. examples:

“Working nine-to-five” (Will everyone understand

you mean a job that has standard working hours?)

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“Web Design 101” (Will everyone understand the

analogy to a beginning college course?)

“As wide as the Mississippi” (Will everyone know

the Mississippi River is wide?)

– Recast multiple-noun phrases. Some writers have a bad

habit of stacking multiple nouns in noun phrases: “The
application software development management classes given
in April…” These are a mouthful, and especially hard for non-
native speakers to understand. Recast them more clearly: “In
April, we gave classes in managing the development of
application software.”

– Use words in a consistent way. If you call that big window

on your monitor the “screen” in the first paragraph, call it the
“screen” throughout your piece. Don’t switch to “display” in
the fourth paragraph. Also, if you call it the “display,” don’t
use the word display in some other way in the same piece:
“Monica displayed the display options on the display.”

– Use formats for telephone numbers, dates, time, numbers and

addresses that your audience will understand. Be aware that formats
change from country to country. For example, the number
1,033.41 in the U.S. is written 1 033,41 in France and 1.033,41
in Germany.

Date and time are the information most likely to be

misunderstood because of format differences. Is 4/7/96 to be
read as April 7 or July 4? Is 2:00 to be read as two o’clock in
the afternoon or two o’clock in the morning? Spell out
information likely to be ambiguous.

Write Concisely
Get to the point. Here’s a piece from a writer who didn’t follow
this advice:

It is the policy of the shipyard commander that all

activities of the shipyard shall be carried out in a manner
that will ensure the protection and enhancement of the
environment through the control and abatement of
environmental pollution.

Why not say, “Don’t pollute”?

Most first drafts can be cut by 50 percent. They are swollen with
words and phrases that add nothing and make the reader work
too hard. Edit to make your writing more concise. Here are some
specific tips for writing concisely.

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 Get rid of clutter. Clutter is using many words when a few

would be more readable. Many common expressions violate
this principle:

Cluttered Concise
the question as to whether ➨ whether
he is the man who ➨ he
at this point in time ➨ now
until such time as ➨ until
the fact that we had arrived ➨ our arrival
call your attention to the fact ➨ remind you
due to the fact that ➨ because
used for security purposes ➨ used for security

Be suspicious of phrases like “the fact that,” “the

question of,” “this is,” “there are,” “who is,” and all the
forms of the verbs to be and to have. They are often clutter.
You can probably find a simpler way to express your
thought. Also delete phases like “we might add” and “it is
interesting to note.” If you want to add an idea, add it. If a
fact is interesting, make it so.

 Prune little qualifiers and auxiliaries. Eliminate “very,” “rather,”

“quite,” “reasonably,” “sort of,” “in a sense,” “a bit,” “more or
less,” “it seems that,” and “probably.” They weaken what you
have to say and make you sound doubtful. The same often
applies to “might,” “may,” “would,” and “should.”

 Be positive. Avoid the word “not.” Look for a positive way to

express even a negative thought. The result is stronger. It is
also usually shorter and so gets rid of clutter, too:

Negative Positive
do not use avoid
➨
did not remember forgot
➨
did not pay attention to ignored
➨
did not have confidence in mistrusted
➨

 Avoid “the –tion of” and “the –ment of”. Try a verb or “—ing”
form instead:

Noun Verb
for the preparation of ➨ to prepare

© 1996, 1998 American Management Systems, Inc. 15

 AMS BEST PRACTICES FOCUS SERIES

the implementation of ➨ implementing

the development of ➨ developing

It takes effort to write concisely. The mathematician and

philosopher Blaise Pascal once wrote to a friend, “I have made
this letter longer than usual, only because I have not had the
time to make it shorter.”

Keep Your Fog Index Low

Computing your fog index is a quick way to gauge if you are
writing naturally, clearly, and concisely. This measure was
developed by the Gunnig-Mueller Clear Writing Institute. Here’s
how to compute your fog index:

 Find the average sentence length—the number of words

per sentence—in a writing sample of 100 to 200 words. Treat
clearly independent clauses as separate sentences. Example:
“In school we read; we learned; we improved.” This counts as
three sentences.

 Calculate the percentage of words having three or more

syllables. Do not count capitalized words, easy combinations
like “pawnbroker,” or verbs that reach three syllables by the
addition of “es” or “ed.”

 Add the average sentence length to the percentage of big

words and multiply the total by 0.4. The resulting number is
the years of schooling needed to understand what you’ve
written. If the piece of writing you are analyzing is lengthy,
take other samples at random, repeat the process, and
average the results.

A high fog index means that you are using long sentences and
big words, which usually makes the work hard to understand. A
low fog index indicates shorter, cleaner prose.

Professionals write simply. J. D. Salinger’s widely praised novel,

The Catcher in the Rye, has a fog index of six—the same as the
nation’s biggest magazine, TV Guide. The Wall Street Journal
averages about 11, roughly the same as Time and Newsweek. At
AMS, we aim for a fog index of 12 to 15.

AN EXAMPLE TO EMULATE
To show the difference between bad and good writing, George
Orwell once took a passage from the Bible and “translated” it.

16 © 1996, 1998 American Management Systems, Inc.

WRITING FOR THE READER

Original Passage Translation

I returned, and saw under the sun,
that the race is not to the swift, nor
the battle to the strong, neither yet
bread to the wise, nor yet riches to
men of understanding, nor yet favor
to men of skill; but time and chance
happeneth to them all.
Objective consideration of
contemporary phenomena compels
the conclusion that success or
failure in competitive activities
exhibits no tendency to be
commensurate with innate capacity,
but that a considerable element of
the unpredictable must inevitably be
taken into account.

The Bible has held readers’ attention for thousands of years.

While we can’t hope to duplicate its beauty or power, we can
emulate its clarity and ability to inform and persuade the reader.

REFERENCES
Briere, Rona. Organizing Technical Information. Internal paper of
the Mitre Corporation, 1990.

Fielden, John. “What Do You Mean, I Can’t Write?” Harvard

Business Review, May-June 1964.

Regis, Pamela. Clients and Consultants: Readers and Writers at

AMS, a seminar given in 1990.

Shanton, Captain John Lynn. Better Navy Writing. Department of

the Navy Correspondence Manual/SECNAVINST 5216.5C,
Naval & Marine Corps Training Center, Washington, D.C.
1985.

Strunk, William and E.B. White. The Elements of Style. New York:
New York: MacMillan Publishing Company, 1979.

Zinsser, William. On Writing Well. New York, New York, Harper

Collins Publishers, 1994.

ABOUT THIS PAPER

Writing for the Reader was written by Tammy Trocki of the
Corporate Technology Group. Reviewers included:

Suzanne Cooper Corporate Technology Group

Milt Hess Corporate Technology Group

© 1996, 1998 American Management Systems, Inc. 17

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