Fanfiction Based On Characters From Stephanie Meyers Twilight Series

Rated M for Mature.

Eye Contact
By Silver Sniper Of Night

Summary: Bella Swan made a choice in life, one that led her to Edward Cullen. But are her feelings for
him strong enough to survive the complications that will most certainly follow, as well as the
disapproval of those around them? AU human, BxE.

~*~

Prologue ~ Everything but nothing

BPOV
This was not what I wanted, yet it was exactly what I dreamed.
From the moment that I had made my career choice, I knew that nothing would be simple. My mother had
always believed that I was out of my depth, over compensation for something that she or my father had
failed to give me as a child. The truth was, it was a vocation. One that made my heart ache and left me
exhausted and shaking, but it was everything to me. The only thing that I was born to do.
Until there was him. Until I did something that was unforgivable, disgraceful and horribly wrong.
I had fallen in love with a boy who didn't even know what it was to love.
I can't count the number of times I had heard that statement from my friends, in novels and even the
occasional movie. "The emotionally stunted, but devastatingly attractive male protagonist, who would
never really understand what it is to love..." Then the female weeps in despair as she realizes that a man
like that will never be worthy of her time. We all feel sorry for her, knowing that at some point in our lives
we have all come across the stereotypical 'man who cannot love'.
But I am not the victim of this piece. I'm the instigator of a crime.

Hewas everything I could have asked for. He was the epitome of my fantasies in every way. He was caring,
beautiful, intelligent and self-sacrificing. He was the part of me that I didn't know was missing. As romantic
and childish that that sounded, it was true. I did not see the obvious when I looked at him. I could only see
the part of him that I knew.
I loved him more than I ever thought could be possible in reality. With that love, I brought a world of
passion, intensity, desire, confusion, jealously, heartache and closeness. I brought him a world that he could
never be a part of. I was taunting him, dangling it in front of his nose, highlighting the extreme differences
between us, telling him he would never be good enough.
This is my love for you, and you will never be able to comprehend what that means, never feel even a tenth of
what I feel for you.
Do you still feel sorry for me now?

~*~

Chapter One ~ A day of firsts.

BPOV
I was of two minds as I stared out the window of the tiny box room that was now my own. Phoenix had
been my sanctuary, my life and the place I had called home for nineteen years. I would miss it. Missthe ties
that I had made, the heat, the familiarity and most of all, my mother. I think deep down she knew that I had
to do this, but she had convinced herself that there was no reason for me to ever go far from home. I
graduated high school at seventeen, and had never really had many friends my own age, considering that to
my classmates I was the immature girl reaching too high, and to my peers, I was the "intelligent freak".
When Ifinishedhigh school, I had gone to college locally, meaning that I could stay home and keep my
all-important job, but the final two years of my degree meant I needed one year of studying and working,
and then a full year of working on the job, something that could not be done in Phoenix. Thus I found myself
here in Forks, a drive away from Seattle, where I would be spending most of my time for the next two years.
Today was my first full day in the state of Washington. It was also my first day of work. While I missed all
that I knew as home, I was beyond excited at what was waiting for me here.
I was up earlier than I should, as a consequence of both traveling and nervous excitement. Even so, my dad
Charlie was already up. He gave me a questioning look as I filled a bowl with cereal and milk, some of the
only actual food in the house.
"Are you sure you want to start work today?" he questioned for what must have been the twentieth time.
He assumed that I would want to be settled in before I started up. I, on the other hand, preferred to keep
busy. Besides, work was the only thing I was sure of in this place. I sent him a smile over my breakfast.
"Yes, I am dad. I'll only be there until lunch time, anditwillbe easier if I know what I'm doing before
Monday," I stated. Charlie seemed to agree with this, or at least that's what I assumed from his nod and
grunt in my direction. Charlie was a man of few words, which was a refreshing change from my mother's
constant chatter.

"I'll see you later dad," I said, before leaving the house and tripping towards the car at the end of the
driveway. The rental I had picked up yesterday afternoon with the remainder of what my last paycheck was
a little odd, butit would do until I could find a decent mode of transportationthat could take me to Seattle
and back without falling to pieces.
The Saturday morning traffic was not as harsh as I expected, resulting in my arriving earlier than I had
planned, but considering that I had a meeting to attend before the start of the day, this was probably for the
best. As I walked into the building, my nerves hit me full-force and I shakily made my way to the front desk
in the reception area, feeling somewhat overwhelmed. As I approached, the woman sitting behind the desk
looked up and smiled.
"Good morning, may I help you?" she asked professionally. I smiled conscientiously before answering.
"Yes, I'm Isabella Swan. I'm supposed to see Mrs Cope," I said. The woman's smile widened.
"Ah, yes, Isabella! Welcome! If you would just take a seat, Mrs Cope will be right with you." I nodded, then
turned and sat in the seat as instructed, my leg nervously twitching despite my effort to still it. I couldn't
help but marvel at the building. I was not used to something so modern and state-of-the-art, and certainly
not on this scale.
"Miss Swan?" I was startled out of my thoughts by a woman who looked to be in her mid-thirties, wearing a
pair of dark jeans, a blue polo shirt and a kind smile. I stood up and nodded, and she gestured for me to
follow her across the entrance hall and down a narrow corridor.
"We'll just go to my office for a few minutes before we get started. It's just down here," she explained. A
feeling of nostalgia swept through me as I made my way through the light, peach- colored hallway and into
the office a few doors down. Mrs Cope's room was not exactly spacious, but it was welcoming, the white
walls covered in drawings, pictures and certificates of achievement. She gestured towards the blue chair on
the opposite side of the desk and we both sat. She smiled once more.
"Welcome to Meadow View Academy Isabella," shestated warmly, reaching out a hand to shake mine.
"It's just Bella," I corrected, deciding to nip 'Isabella' in the bud before it was too late. She nodded in
acceptance before taking out a manila file and opening it. However, before she could do anything further,
there was a knock at the door.
"Come in!" Mrs Cope called. I turned as the door clicked open and a rather rumpled-looking girl with dark
hair entered. My eyeswidened as I took in her appearance, however the girl smiled apologetically as she
took in both mine and Mrs. Cope's expressions.
"Sorry I'm late Mr's Cope. Jena in class three had a little tantrum, and..." shegestured to the front of her polo
shirt that was covered in what was unmistakably, vomit. The girl, apart from seeming being slightly
uncomfortable did not seem that bothered by it. I instantly took a liking to her. She obviouslytook her job
seriously.
"Is Jena alright now?" Mrs. Cope asked. The girl nodded.
"She's fine, all cleaned up and sitting in class as if nothing happened," she said,laughing. Mrs. Cope turned to
me.

"Bella, this Angela Webber, one of the other students you will be working with as a TA. You'll be shadowing
her for now, just until you find your feet around here, which I am sure won't be more than a couple of
days," she explained." I smiled at Angela, who grinned in return, leaning against the wall as Mrs. Cope began
speaking once more.
"Okay, Bella, first things first. I have to say that I am definitely impressed by the amount of experience you
have. It's not often I see someone so young with glowing references." I smiled, my cheeks flushing at the
compliment as Mrs Cope's eyes scanned over my CV. Having read enough, she turned to look at me
"So, you've been working with special needs children since you were fourteen at a voluntary level, and at
sixteen in a special education program school, as well as shadowing TA's as soon as you were able. How did
you know at such a young age what you wanted to do with your life?"
I smiled, remembering. "It started when I was eleven, actually. We had new neighbors move in, and their
daughter suffered from autism. As my mother became good friends with them, I spent more time with their
daughter, playing with her and even helping her with her homework. It just came naturally for me. From
then on, I just knew that this wouldbe what I spent my life doing," I finished, hoping that my explanation
made some sort of sense.
"So you're in your final year of study, and you're completing your degree in Special Education at Seattle
University, and we have you working with us for another year after that while you obtain you teaching
qualification. Is that correct?" sheasked.
"Yes," I replied confidently. Mrs Cope nodded.
"It states here that you are oriented towards younger children. Is that physical or mental age?"
"Both," I responded, "although physically the oldest child I have worked with was twelve, so I would prefer
to stick with pre-adolescents. The oldest mental age I have encountered was around five."
"Autism Spectrum Disorder is your speciality?" I nodded. "Any particular part of the spectrum?" she asked.
"I am trained in all parts, but as I minored in Audiology and Speech pathology, I have worked quite closely
with children with Asperger syndrome and PDD-NOS disorders." Mrs Cope blinked, looking slightly dazed
at my admission before closing the file.
"Again, it is amazing to see someone so young with such experience. I am extremelyimpressed Bella, and
glad to have you on the team. There are only three of you at an undergraduate level who have been
accepted this year." Mrs. Cope then turned and gestured towards Angela, who moved forward.
"Angela here also works with pre-adolescents, so you will probably be spending a lot of time together. Now,
seeing as Angelaneeds to clean up, and you will need a set of polo shirts yourself, I suggest the two of you
go to the staff room first, then give Bella a tour and an explanation of what we do here. By then you will
probably only have another hour of teaching time before the day ends."
Angela nodded. "Yes, of course, Mrs. Cope." I stood up and said goodbye to Mrs. Cope, who returned the
sentiment and told me to stop by before I left for the day. I stepped into the corridor with Angela, who
immediately turned to me.
"Sorry about the smell," she commented. I laughed.

"It's one of the hazards of doing the job. I'm sure you've had much worse." Angela nodded grimly but her
eyes seemed somewhat lighter. She seemed to be assessing me in the same way I had done with her.
"So, what are you studying?" I asked.
"Psychology, minoring in Behavioral Studies". She turned to me.
"I take it from your experiences that you've worked with a lot of autistic children then?" I nodded. "That's
really interesting. This is my first experience with autism. Up until now I've just been working with children
with behavior problems. So far though, it's been a great experience," she said, her voice taking on an
enthusiastic tone. Before I knew it, we had launched into a full conversation, and I found the nerves that
had previously bothered me slip away.
By Twelve, Angela had given me a full tour of the school and a rundown of the curriculum, which,
thankfully I was already familiar with from my previous school. The two of us had already become fast
friends, helped by the fact that she was studying at Seattle University, so I would have at least one person I
knew. She explained that there was another girl, Alice, who worked there, but she worked with adolescents,
so we would probably not see her much until lunch. Because Saturday school was very selective, and
finished at one, I would have to wait until Monday to meet her. I stood at the back of class three, opting not
to work with any of the children for now and wait until they had gotten used to my presence. Routine was
valued among these children and I did not want to disturb them until they were willing to accept me. There
were five children in this class, and they were all adorable. Jena, who was the child prone to tantrums that
continued until she made herself sick, was the most advanced. She could communicate in broken phrases,
and her language was exceptionally advanced. Her physical movement, however, was limited, and Angela
had told me she refused to use her legs unless absolutely necessary.
Next to her was Delilah, who had limited verbal skills, and detested it if anyone went too near to her
without asking permission. Angela had walked past her to get to one of the other children, and Delilah had
screamed bloody murder for about twenty minutes before the teacher could calm her.
Tommywas a beautiful little boy with huge blue eyes and golden curls. He communicated well through sign
language, although he would attempt to speak if the teacher persuaded him to. He wasgetting speech
therapy and seemed to be proud of his verbal skills. He would only acknowledge someone if they called him
by name before speaking to him.
Daniel was the other boy in the room. He had recently started using a wheelchairand was not used to it. He
didn't like it at all, and was insistent on taking out his frustration on everyone and everything by ramming
into them.
Finally, there was Elle, a small girl who was also in need of a wheelchair. She could not communicate other
than in a series of shrieks that ranged in volume and tone, and had a limited knowledge of sign language.
While being the least advanced, she was the most determined, focused solely on finishing the exercise
without assistance, and protesting loudly when any was given.
"Bella?" I turned my attention to the teacher, Miss Linton, who had called my name.
"Do you think you could run to the storeroom and grab me a packet of flash cards? I need the ones in the
yellow box for the next exercise," she asked me apologetically. Miss Linton was a wonderful teacher, and
had the class focusing on how to ask for things in the correct order, using flash cards to demonstrate in

what order they should perform the tasks. Angela was busy helping Daniel, so she could not be disturbed.
"Yes, of course... the storeroomis next to the music rooms, right?" I asked nervously. Miss Linton nodded.
"That's the one, but if you get stuck, there will more than likely be a teacher in the music rooms who can
point you in the right direction," she assured me. I nodded, and stepped out of the classroom, almost certain
that my luck would not allow me to find the storeroom without assistance.
I was, of course, completely correct in this assumption.
After ten minutes of wandering aimlessly, I gave in and began searching the music rooms for anyone who
could be of assistance. Unfortunately, as the morning was almost finished, the rooms were practically
empty and I had yet to find a single soul, let alone a teacher. Feeling dejected that I would have to go back to
class empty handed, I wandered back past the music rooms one more time. It was then that I heard the
piano.
It was coming from the last door on the left, the largest practice room I had passed. As I approached, I
gasped as I recognized what was being played. It was the piano part of Rhapsody on a Theme By Paganini,
and whoever was playing was playing expertly. The door of the music room was open, so I slipped inside
quietly, hoping not to disturb whoever was playing. The figure was hunched over the piano, back facing me,
completely caught up in the erratic tempo of the piece. All I could tell from this distance wasthat they were
male. I approached him slowly, appraising him as I did. The piece was difficult, so I was assuming whoever
was playing it was a teacher. However, as I drew nearer, I realized that he was around my age, possibly a
little older. He had a mop of unruly hair that switched between brown and red, depending on where the
light hit it. His skin was pale, possibly even more so than my own, and his long fingers danced across the
keys in an effortless fashion. I was entranced by how he moved on the bench, his head bent, barely looking
at the sheet music before him. It was a beautiful combination with the dulcet tones of the piano that he was
creating. I was only a few feet behind him now, and while I did not want to interrupt, I knew that my
absence from class was now becoming ridiculous. So, blushing uncontrollably as I did so, I cleared my
throat loudly.
His hands stilled on the keys, a discordant cadence echoing in the room. I felt guilty in that moment, the
absence of music leaving an ache in my chest. I opened my mouth to apologize to the pianist, when he
suddenly whipped his head around to stare at me. It was then, in that moment, I realized the terrible
mistake I had just made. Before I had a chance to react, he flew away from his place at the bench with a
startling amount of grace, and lunged at me, his fist connecting with my jaw. I screamed, and hurtled
backwards, crashing into a music stand and crumpling onto the floor. Tears flooded my eyes and spilled
over, and a whimpering gasp escaped me as I tried to force myself to gain control of the situation once
more. I blinked, my ears catching distant mumblings and a strangled cry, before the sound of the door
slamming shook the walls. I pulled myself onto my elbows, wiped my face and glanced around the room.
He was gone.
I cursed myself internally for my own damn stupidity, and was about to pick myself up when the door burst
open and Angela flew in.
"Bella!" she cried in alarm, instantly by my side and helping me to my feet.
"I'm alright," I replied quickly, wincing as I gingerly touched my jaw. Angela looked upset.

"That's swelling pretty quickly. I'll take you to the nurse's office, then I need to find Mrs. Cope and tell her
that Edward's run out." I turned to stare at her questioningly as she led me out of the music room towards
the nurse'soffice.
"Edward?" I questioned.
"You remember I told you about Alice, the other girl who works here?" I nodded, regretting the decision
almost immediately. Angela sent me a sympathetic look before continuing.
"That was her brother, Edward. He has Aspergers syndrome, although he has come a long way in the last
few years. Both their parents are doctors. Their mother, Esme specializes in behavioral development of
children and young adults with Aspergers and autism. I didn't even know he was here today." By this point
we had reached the nurse'soffice and Angela left me and went to explain what had happened to Mrs. Cope. I
sighed as I sat on the bed with an ice pack firmly held to my jaw. I had stupidly disrupted an Aspergers
sufferer while they were focused upon an activity. I was lucky I had gotten away with a punch to the jaw.
Maybe this was not going to turn out as well as I had thought.

~*~

Chapter Notes:
TA - Teaching Assistant.
Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) - A lifelong condition that effects how a person communicates with and
relates to other people and the rest of the world. There are 5 conditions covered by ASD, Autism being the
most well-known. The word "spectrum" is used because the characteristics of the disorder vary from
person to person, as do the severity of the symptoms.
Autism - One of the 5 disorders covered by ASD. Around 1.3 people per 1000 have the condition. It is
typical for those who have Autism to have learning difficulties as well as problems interacting socially.
They have almost no understanding of emotions.
Aspergers Syndrome - One of the 5 disorders covered by ASD. Around 0.3 people per 1000 have the
condition. Those who suffer from Aspergers have an average or above average intellect. They are often
particularly creative individuals, many of them becoming artists, writers or musicians. They have
significant difficulties with social interactions and emotions.
PDD-NOS (Pervasive Development Disorder-Not Otherwise Specified) - One of the 5 conditions covered
by ASD. It is the most common and usually milder than Autism, with some symptoms present and others
not. It is the diagnosis for those who are well described by the PDD label but do not fit in to any other
disorder.

~*~

Chapter Two ~ Fear

EPOV
"This is bad, this is bad, this is bad, this is bad..."

The incessant mantra, combined with the motion of the rocking chair definitely helped the calculations in
my head. This had all gone terribly wrong. All I had wanted to do was continue with my scheduled piano
practice, keeping with the two hours that I had to do every day from three until five in the afternoon. My
baby grand was being tuned, so Esme said I could practice in my old school for the day, but then she
appeared, something that I had not calculated for. It didn't make sense. She was not allowed to be in there.
There was no room for her in my routine. She had no value in the equation, no reason to be in the room. She
stopped me. She broke into my circle, and time was ruptured, the girl taking away precious seconds and it
was then I realized that it was all falling apart. I would not be able to leave at five, but had to do exactly two
hours of practice, but then I would have to compensate for the wasted time, and the time that it would take
me to return home, and I realized that it was gone. The routine was done, finished, numbers scattering, not
enough time in the day. I didn't know what to do. There was nothing I could do, the numbers were against
me. I thought that I knew how to deal with situations because I had been taught all of the theory so that if
something like this happened, I could cope. I must not be a good student. It didn't work. I didn't expect the
girl to be there, I didn't plan to hurt her. It just happened, I couldn't stop it...
I increased the pace of my rocking, trying not to think of the incident, even humming to make my mind
focus. There had to be logical way to look at the events. When I was younger, Dr. Cullen came up with the
'bad list'. It was a scale of actions that were in numerical value, so I would know exactly how bad my
actions were. It was a good idea really, for a child, and I still remembered it now. Violence on an elementary
scale of one to twenty was registered at 16, yet could only increase in value with the particular situation. As
soon as I had connected my arm with another person, the number 16 in the scale of bad actions appeared,
and that meant that I had to go home. Any number above ten was serious, and Dr Cullen and Esme would
be shaking their heads at me as soon as they heard I had done something that would have caused another
person harm. They thought I was better than that.
I had hit a girl. I knew that fact made my actions worse, but I was not sure as to how much of an increase on
the scale the gender of the person I hit would be. However, the most worrying act that I had committed was
that I had made the girl cry. Dr Cullen once told me after an incident with Alice that making a girl cry could
not be measured by numerical value. That was, of course, completely ridiculous as each bad action has to
have a corresponding number otherwise the actions could not be deemed incorrect, which would mean
that not only would their creation of this 'bad list' become irrelevant, but then the ideas of both punishment
and reparation would be worthless, and then all systems would collapse. So if I made a female cry, it had be
a number that was close to or representative of infinity, which would cancel out the actual action because
there is nothing greater than infinity...
But that was not fair, as I had no way of controlling if the girl I hit cried or not, as I had nothing to do with
her tear ducts, so I could have hit another girl and she would not have cried, and then I would not be faced
with infinity, but a number that was approximately 16, but the laws of cause and effect stated that because I
had hit the girl in question, her tear ducts responded to the action that I had performed and said tear ducts
caused the creation of the infinity number which in turn had been caused by the tears.
My calculations were becoming increasingly difficult because I could not balance the number infinity.
Normally, an action in the bad the scale could be cancelled out by an appropriate action and reparation on
my part, but there was nothing that could make up for infinity, so the calculations were failing, which was
inconceivable because math was constant and right, so could not fail...
The door slammed, and then two sets of footsteps approached the twenty seven stairs that lead to the
second floor. The sharp-stepped noises, combined with erratic echoing sounds informed me that Esme and
my adopted sister were advancing. I was not allowed to say adopted sister to Alice's face; Esme said I had

to say she was my sister. We shared no genetic material whatsoever, so I was lying when I said we were
siblings, but Esme said that not referring to her as my sister made Alice sad and if I made Alice cry today
then I would have to multiply the value of infinity by two which was impossible and I do not know what
would happen if I tried.
"Edward?" I flinched and ceased rocking as I realized that in my haste to calculate, I had forgotten to close
my door. People only had to knock if the door was closed, and I did not feel like sharing my personal circle
with anyone, but the fact that I had left the door open meant I had no choice but to share.
"It all went wrong, I reacted wrong, and I don't know what to do. The numbers aren't working..." I could
hear the panic in my own voice as I focused upon my shoes. Esme's feet appeared in my eye-line and I
crumpled backwards, trying to protect the small part of my circle that was still there.
"What happened, Edward?"
"A girl walked into my circle while I was playing piano without asking," I responded, starting up the rocking
again. "I hit her, but I made her cry, she fell down, the tears are the effect, it's really bad, infinity bad...Dr
Cullen says making girls cry is a number that can't be measured, so I can't make up infinity, which is really
bad..." I couldn't focus on words. They were insufficient and ephemeral, and could not hold a candle to
numbers. I needed to get the numbers back before I could focus on words. Normally, I would stop and wait
for the words to return, but now was not the time.
"Edward, look at me," Esme stated, keeping her voice at a steady volume. I closed my eyes in annoyance at
the request. Eyes could talk. People could communicate through looking at each other's eyes. My
adopted-but-real-sister-Alice and her friend Jasper from the south did it all the time. So did Dr Cullen and
Esme. So eyes can talk, but they don't have a mouth so I don't want to look into eyes in case they start
speaking to me, because then I won't know what to do, but Esme says that if I don't look at someone in the
eyes when I talk to them then I am being rude, which again has a numerical value if I remember correctly,
so I lifted my eyes to meet hers. They said nothing, just continued being light brown. A good start.
"Edward, did you say anything to the girl after you hit her?" she asked. I shook my head, breaking away
from her eyes for a small amount of time.
"No, I had to come home because I was confused and needed to calculate what I should do," I replied. Esme
nodded.
"Okay Edward, did you think of something?"
I shook my head yet again, and pulled on my hair as I did, because Esme was not listening to what I said. I
was losing it again; nothing was working in my favor.
"No, because making her cry is the number infinity and I can't cancel out infinity!" I shouted, which did not
help because shouting was another thing that Esme disapproved of, and I had already disappointed her
enough for one day.
"Edward, who told you that?" she asked, which was odd because it had nothing to do with what I did.
"Dr Cullen said that it could not be measured," I repeated. Alice my sister giggled, which again made no
sense, and my head was starting to hurt because no one was helping me.

"Edward, making girls cry is not infinity, but your father is right, it is bad and can't be measured. Now,
would you like to know what you have to do?" The fact that Esme was now going to help was good, so I
looked into her eyes and dared them to speak to me, but it was good when they did not, as they still scared
me a lot. Esme smiled.
"Okay, first, you need to make sure that the girl is not hurt too badly, and if she is, you need to ask her if
there is anything you can do to help. Then she will tell you what it is, but there is one thing you need to do
first, and it's the most important. You know what it is, don't you?"
"I need to apologize," I stated with confidence.
"Exactly. Now, because you made her cry, you need to cancel that out, am I right?"
"Yes, that is how reparation works," I replied monotonously. Esme's patronizing tone was rather
aggravating, which is why I tended not to indulge in speaking with her for long periods of time, but I was
desperate, and would have to endure it.
"Well," Esme stated, "you need to make her laugh and smile. So you need to think of something to do or to
say that will make her laugh and smile so she forgives you for making her cry. Does that sound right?" It
did. It made perfect sense, even through the lack of numbers. I now had some planning to do.
"Who is the girl and how do I find her?" I asked. At this question, Alice sprang forward, and I instinctively
backed away as the circle grew smaller to encompass her. I forced myself to look into her eyes; because I
had to if I wanted any information. That was one of Alice's rules, and I wanted to make up for my failure
today by trying my best.
"She's new in town, and she'll be working at the school part time, so you can see her then. Her name is
Isabella Swan, but she goes by Bella," she informed me. Esme then turned around and looked at Alice.
"As in Charlie Swan's girl?" My sister-but-not nodded and Esme looked back at me.
"Edward, her father is the police chief of Forks, so you had better make sure that you apologize properly,"
she warned, her voice going deeper and harder so that I knew she was serious. Esme's chatting and Alice's
giggling were scaring away the numbers in my head, so I nodded before I turned away from then and
started rocking, closing my eyes and humming so they would know that they were not welcome in my
thoughts. As soon as their footsteps had disappeared, I jumped up on the forward rock and closed the door
so that my circle was complete. Now I could think of a way to make Bella smile and laugh...
Bella. Her name in Italian translated to beautiful, although I wasn't really sure how that fact was going to
help me, but it had to in some way because it was the only fact I had about her, and I needed facts to help
me make Bella smile. I stood up from my chair, crossed the room and left it, closing the door behind me
carefully. Taking the thirty one steps to my sister's room, I rapped on her door three times so I would not
disturb her circle if she did not want me to.
"Come in Edward!" she called. I opened the door and stood just over the threshold.
"Hello Alice, can I ask you for help?" I asked, looking her in the eyes as I did, so she'd know I was being nice
and trying really hard. She smiled.
"What do you need Edward?"

"I don't know what to get Bella as a present. You are a girl, and Bella is a girl so it only makes sense that you
would be the best person to help me with this," I replied, telling her the facts. Alice hesitated and I wanted
to shake her.
"Edward, it doesn't really work like that..."
"Work like what?" I countered, knowing that she was using the patronizing tone of voice when she thought
I did not understand something, but she was the one who seemed to not understand. The statement I had
made could not have been clearer, so if she did not understand it then it was not my problem.
"Why don't you ask one of the guys what they would give a girl if they upset her? Oh, wait don't ask
Emmett. Ask dad - or Jasper. You like Jasper, right Edward?" she asked, her eyes getting bigger and bigger
as she did, and I was afraid they were going to start talking, or even worse, swallow me, so I ran from her
room and back to the safety of my own circle where they could not reach me. What on earth was Alice going
on about, changing the topic to Jasper for no logical reason? She could be stupid at times. She definitely was
not my sister, no matter what Esme said.
I sat down on the rocking chair again, and decided that while my sister may be an idiot by asking if I liked
Jasper when I was talking about what to get Bella to even the balance, her idea in itself was quite good, but I
was stuck because I only saw Jasper-from-the-south when he came aroundto do homework with Alice.
Their homework must have been difficult because he was here a lot, especially when Dr Cullen and Esme
were at work, but I was not allowed to tell them that because I was Alice's brother and I kept her secrets. I
had no idea why this was a secret, nor did I really understand the concept of secrets. I just assumed this
was Alice being ridiculous again. Why would Esme and Dr. Cullen care about who she did homework with
as long as she did her homework? But I didn't want to make her sad or angry so I pretended I was her
brother and kept secrets. If anyone did ask me about it, I would tell, because as I really didn't like the idea
of lying. I had never understood why people would fabricate answers. The truth was easier and logical.
I could not ask Dr Cullen because he was at work and I am only allowed to phone him at work if it is an
emergency, and even then I had to ask Alice first,but I did not want to ask Alice because her eyes were
threatening to talk and then I would not know what to do yet again, and it really would be an emergency
and no one would help me.
She told me not to ask my brother-but-not Emmett, but I would not have asked him anyway because
yesterday his girlfriend Rosalie had come over, and had already taken a disliking to me, and I was worried
that he had told Emmett about what had happened. I did not want to tell Alice because she would tell Esme
and then Rosalie would not be allowed to come over and Emmett would be sad. I hated making people sad,
so I was back to rocking and thinking.
That's when the idea came.
Dr Cullen had bought Esme a present after he had been away for a conference for a week last month, and I
remembered what he bought her! Of course, it was not exactly perfect, but I could change it and then I
would have the perfect present for Bella. She would smile, I would make sure of that, even if it took me all
night to get what I needed. I laughed, sprang out of the chair and ran to Alice's room.
I needed her help for this. I would just have to be wary of her eyes.

~*~

Chapter Three ~ Formal Introductions

BPOV
Monday could not dawn fast enough in my opinion. It was a new day, in a new week, and I was definitely
going to start it by making up for the terrible mess I had made on my first day of work. Although both Mrs.
Cope and Miss Linton had assured me that there was nothing for me to be ashamed or embarrassed about, I
could not stop chastizing myself. Every time I closed my eyes I saw Edward's enraged expression staring
back at me. He had looked at me with such distaste, such fierce rage, and I could not blame him. It was not
the worst by far that I had ever experienced, yet for some reason, it was hitting me hard.
Charlie, of course, was beside himself about the whole situation. Renee had been used to me returning
home covered with bruises, cuts and scratches. In the six years I had been working with children I had had
my thumb broken once, and my fingers six times, had broken my wrist, my arm, my right leg, cracked four
ribs, twisted my ankles countless times, sprained my knee once, had one severe head injury, three minor
head injuries and concussions and stitches more times than I could count. Of course, my clumsy nature did
not exactly help in this respect, but back home, my mother would not even bat an eye over a bruised jaw. I
attempted in vain to explain this to Charlie, but in light of these facts, he simply clammed up, not wanting to
discuss it. I had a feeling though that the conversation was far from over.
I had spent the weekend in a mood of shame and annoyance at myself that was only broken by unpacking
my few belongings and a trip to Seattle with Angela. She had also assured me that what had happened at
work was nothing to worry about while she quickly showed me around town. Angela lived in Port Angeles,
a town that was only a short ride away from Forks, so I had offered to give her a lift to work on Monday, as
we were both working the same shift. We spent the day visiting anywhere worth going in the city,
swapping stories about work, friends and relationships. Angela was surprised that I was a year younger
than she was, and equally surprised that I had almost nothing to talk about concerning romantic
relationships. Friendship-wise however, we were quite similar, both of us only having a close-knit group of
friends. The more I spent time with her, the more thankful I was to have met her.
So as Angela and I walked into the school on Monday morning, I was filled with both dread and
anticipation. Thankfully, Miss Linton greeted the two of us normally, and explained what we would be
doing with the children today. This morning we would be working on language and simple sentence
structure. The children would be given a list of sentences and a group of answers, and they would have to
pick which one would fit in the sentence best. This exercise would last half an hour before the children
would be taken to the soft playroom with class four for an hour. Class four only had five children, so they
combined the two classes during soft play to help promote interaction between the children. The soft
playroom was a facility I had never seen before. It was around half the size of a high school gym, and the
walls and floor were made of a foam-like material that was specially designed for the children who had
mobility problems. I was desperately excited about that class. The exercise hour was then followed by
break time, in which each child could have one snack, one drink and use the bathroom. After the half an
hour break, the children would have another half-hour class, this time math. After that, it was lunch hour.
We had to keep with this schedule precisely, as the children would react negatively to any change in their
routine. Again, I would stay at the back of the class, observing rather than helping for the time being.
By ten o' clock, the five pupils were sitting in their seats comfortably, ready for the day. The day's routine

began, with Miss Linton writing the schedule out on one half of the board, and using the other side to write
down the current exercise they would be participating in. After explaining the exercise, the children were
given the papers, and began their work. Miss Linton stationed herself at the front of the class, while Angela
and I stayed at the back, available if any of the children needed assistance. None of us moved around the
room in order to keep the distractions to a minimum. After about ten minutes, I felt someone's gaze
burning urgently into me. I turned and saw Tommy's wide blue eyes staring fixedly at me with a mixture of
fear and interest. I approached him slowly, and he continued to gaze at me.
"Tommy, is there something you want?" I asked clearly. He stared for a moment, then swiftly lifted his
hands and signed to me.
Can I have help?
"Yes, Tommy. May I see your work?" I asked. Tommy's face split into a wide dimpled smile.
Yes, please. May I ask you a question first?
"One question, then work. Is that fair?" I replied.
Yes, he agreed.
"What is your question?"
Would you tell me how to sign your name so I can talk to you the right way? The child was so adorable. I
smiled at him.
"Yes. My name is Bella," I said, drawing out the syllables as I signed at the same time. Tommy watched in
awe and then copied my finger movements.
"Very good Tommy. Now, can I see your work?"
Yes, Bella. He signed perfectly, before offering his sheet to me. I worked with him for ten minutes, during
which Tommy completed all of the sentences with almost no help. Linguistically, he was quite advanced; it
was speech that slowed him down. Having completed the exercises well, I looked at him directly in the eyes
and smiled.
"Well done, Tommy, you did really well on this. I am going to tell Miss Linton how well you have worked
this morning," I stated. Tommy looked elated, almost bouncing in his seat.
Will you give me a high five, Bella? He signed rapidly before sticking his hand out towards me. For a moment
I wondered what on earth he had been watching to give him the idea, but I was impressed that he had
picked up something like that and was able to use it in the correct context.
"Yes, because you did so well," I clarified, before lightly tapping his hand with my own. Tommy grinned at
me, a high pitched laughing that sounded more like a shriek escaping as he did so. Unfortunately, that
caused Elle to start screaming repeatedly, as she assumed that she was allowed to. This scared Daniel, who
was particularly sensitive to sensory stimulations, to cover his ears and scream to block out Elle. It was no
surprise that within a few seconds, Angela, Miss Linton and I were calming five screaming children. It was
just a normal day of school.

By lunch hour, I was starving, exhausted and riding out an adrenaline high. Angela and I sat in the corner of
the staff room, munching on sandwiches and cookies, when a short, dark haired girl walked into the room.
She seemed ot drown in her polo shirt. Her frame was so slight, yet she had a presence that immediately
called the attention of all those around her. She was most certainly built for her job.
"Alice, hey!" Ang called, attracting her attention. The girl grinned and bounded over, and I instantly tensed
up. Not only was this girl incredibly perky, but she was the sister of the boy I had accidently interrupted
and upset.
"Hi Ang!" She greeted, her sweet, high voice mixing perfectly with her physicality. She then turned her
attention to me, her eyes shining excitedly.
"You must be Bella! I've heard so much about you. I'm Alice, Alice Cullen," she stated, holding out a hand
towards me. I blinked, stunned by her enthusiasm and manner of greeting. I awkwardly shook her hand.
"Hi, Alice, it's nice to meet you," I replied dumbly, a little too overwhelmed to think of anything creative to
say. Alice beamed, and automatically took the seat beside me, digging into her own lunch.
"So, Bella, I've heard you're living in Forks. I used to live there until a few years ago when we all moved up
here. How do you like the town so far?"
"It's... green?" I replied, trying in vain to come up with an answer that sounded somewhat enthusiastic.
Alice laughed.
"Yeah, that's all you can really say about it I guess, but Seattle's pretty great, and you'll be spending a lot of
time up here right?" I nodded, taking a bite of my sandwich as Angela answered for me.
"Bella's taking classes with us at Uni, so she's definitely going to be around." Alice squealed in delight,
startling me as she practically bounced in her seat.
"That's wonderful! I know you and I are going to be great friends!" she exclaimed, looking back at me
expectantly. I struggled to find an answer to her statement, so settled with a smile that I hoped looked
encouraging. My friendship skills were not exactly superb, and Alice's declaration had startled me
somewhat. I was not used to people purposefully introducing themselves to me with such gusto. After a few
minutes of conversation concerning our collective mornings, Angela excused herself to the bathroom. A
chill of fear ignited in me, and I turned to Alice sheepishly now that the conversation had lulled.
"Alice, I just wanted to apologize for what happened on Saturday. It was a rookie mistake. I am so sorry to
have caused so much hassle for you and your family." Alice stared at me open-mouthed, before shaking her
head, her dark spiky hair flicking around her face.
"Did you just apologize because my brother punched you in the face?" She asked incredulously, "Isn't that a
little backwards?" I shook my head, feeling the gloom that had plagued me all weekend return at full force.
Alice sighed, and looked at me sympathetically.
"Bella, you could not have known that Edward was going to react in that way, nor for that matter that he
even had Aspergers. In a way, I am almost ashamed myself. Edward normally does not react violently, or
without any thought. I assumed that he would have handled the situation better," she replied, her voice
trailing off as her thoughts overwhelmed her. My eyes widened as I realized that even Alice felt guilty on
her brother's behalf.

"Alice, please don't say things like that. I've been doing this for six years. I should know better than to walk
into a room without knocking, even if the door was open. Please, don't let my mistakes make you feel bad,"
I said. Alice looked at me for a few seconds, and then laughed.
"Bella, you really are one of a kind!" she declared, leaving me with a confused expression. Alice grabbed a
cookie from the box that was now resting on Angela's empty seat before turning back to me once more.
"Actually Bella, I am glad that you brought up the subject, because there is something I need to talk to you
about." I waited for a moment as Alice bit into the cookie. Her eyes widened as she tasted it.
"These are sooo good!" She moaned, taking another bite, "Where did you guys get them from?"
"I made them," I stated with a shrug. Alice blinked, seemingly astounded at the fact. I shrugged again before
Alice continued speaking.
"Anyway, as I was saying, Edward would really like to apologize in person for his behavior. That is, if you
are okay with that?" I smiled.
"Of course, whenever he wants to, although you do realize that I'll probably end up apologizing to him as
well," I added. Alice laughed.
"I gathered that. Well, he'll be here after school today, if you don't mind hanging around for a bit." I shook
my head.
"That's fine, as long as Ang doesn't mind waiting around a while. I'm giving her a ride home," I replied. Alice
grinned and before I knew it, she had thrown her arms around my neck and pulled me into a bone-crushing
hug.
"Thank you, thank you, thank you Bella!" she cried into my neck. Angela walked back into the staff room at
that exact moment, and seeing my rather perplexed and pained expression, burst into laughter.
"You're welcome Alice," I choked out in response.
The rest of the afternoon passed quickly, with almost no hiccups. Jena brought herself to tears over the fact
that she lost a charm from her charm bracelet, but once Miss Linton found it in the gym, she was perfectly
content once more. Tommy had taken a liking to me, and deliberately signed for attention, whether or not
he needed help. I tried to limit the attention that I gave him, often telling him that he needed to do the work
on his own. The boy was a master manipulator. I was almost certain that he had his parents eating out of
the palm of his hand. Elle had developed an odd fascination with my hair, but Miss Linton assured me that
within a couple of days she would lose interest.
"Are you sure you don't mind waiting?" I asked Angela as we left the classroom. She shook her head.
"I told you Bella, it's fine. I have things to do anyway, so just give me a call when you're done and I'll meet
you by the car," she replied.
I nodded and she waved goodbye before heading off in the opposite direction. I inhaled deeply, steadying
myself as I slowly made my way towards the music room in which I had first seen Edward. Alice had told
me before lunch hour finished that he would be waiting there for me after class. I was nervous. I had

already managed to offend Edward during our first meeting, and although Alice had stated that he wanted
to apologize, I was worried that he would hold a grudge. My luck when it came to Edward seemed to be
nonexistent, but I was prepared this time, and would not allow myself to do something stupid. So I found
myself standing outside the room, the door of which today was firmly shut. I raised my arm and rapped on
the wood firmly three times.
"Come in," a smooth, deeply melodic voice uttered, causing fire and ice to flood my spine simultaneously. It
was a strange reaction, but I pushed it aside as I opened the door. Edward was facing the piano as I entered,
and as soon as the sound of the door sealing once more reached his ears, he slowly turned around to face
me. Whatever greeting I had thought of died in my throat and became a forgotten memory as I set eyes on
Edward. His messy hair looked almost bronze in the dying light, the skin on his face translucent in the glow.
He wore a pair of stylish black framed square glasses that perched on his nose. Yet it was his eyes that I was
drawn to. He never lifted them to my face, not that I expected him to, yet despite their unwillingness to
focus, their forest green color shone through, entrancing me and excluding me simultaneously. Everything
about Edward Cullen shone through his eyes.
This very thought was only reaffirmed when Edward suddenly raised his head and looked at me with a
gaze of fierce determination. I gulped almost stepping back from what I saw in his eyes. There was fire,
there was fear and there was something tormented and almost... lost? Yet before I could place whatever the
last emotion was, Edward started speaking.
"Hello Bella. I'm sorry I did not get a chance to properly introduce myself. I'm Edward Cullen, and I am so
very sorry for what happened on Saturday."
I realized once he had finished speaking that I was staring shamelessly at Edward's lips. I jerked backwards
slightly, trying to get myself to focus. Edward spoke well, particularly well, which was not uncommon with
Aspergers sufferers, yet I was still shocked at how advanced he was. What was disturbing was how drawn I
was to him, and he had barely given me more than his name.
"Thank you for the apology Edward, and I accept it. I also feel that I have to apologize to you as well. I
disturbed you while you were playing piano. That was wrong of me," I admitted, trying to maintain as much
eye contact as I could. Edward seemed shocked at my apology, and averted his gaze, a small blush rising in
his cheeks. I smiled a little, trying not to obviously gawk at him as he lifted his hand and ran it through his
tousled hair.
"Well, you did disturb my circle," he began slowly, watching warily for my reaction as he fiddled with his
hair, "but my reactions were still uncalled for. I should have known better." My eyes were still glued to his
hand as it tugged and smoothed his hair. I had to physically shake myself back to reality. It was odd how
horribly fascinated I was by every move he made. I was almost certain at his point that I could watch him
paint a wall and be amused all day. I sent him a smile, and then replied, "well, shall we just say that we were
both wrong?" Edward's eyes widened, and he began shaking his head rapidly.
"No, no, that's not logical, only one of us can be wrong, and my actions dictate that it was I and not you,
especially considering that I made you cry. I am truly sorry for that. I know that to make a girl cry is...
inexcusable." He pronounced the last word carefully, studying me to see if I made any sort of remark. Once I
didn't he grinned and closed the gap between us swiftly. I tried not to flinch away from him as Edward
grabbed my arm and pulled me gently, but purposefully towards the piano. If he had been one of my pupils,
I would have already told him why this action was wrong, but not only was it not my place to do this, I was
too preoccupied by the charge that the pressure of his hand on my skin was giving me. Once he reached the
piano, he dropped my arm, his attention fully focused on something on top of the piano, and oblivious to

the effect that he was having upon me. However, I was soon distracted as Edward thrust the object into my
hands.
"I hope you like them. I wanted to make you smile," Edward stated. I looked down and gasped. There were
four perfectly carved wooden roses, one red, one blue, one yellow and one white. They were so life-like, so
perfect, that if not for the fact that I could feel the grain of the wood beneath my fingers, I would have
sworn they were real.
"I didn't want to buy you real ones, as they would die, and when something dies, it's a sad occasion and I
really did not want to make you sad. I felt so bad last time, Bella." Edward's voice was a whisper, caressing
my bruised jaw with his words. My eyes filled, and I sniffed, damning my unpredictable emotions.
"Oh no, you're crying!" Edward's horrified cry tore through my own thoughts, and I glanced up through
blurred eyes to see his panicked expression.
"I did it wrong, you don't like it! I'm sorry, so sorry, oh no, no..."
"Edward!" I practically shouted, as he gripped his hair and began rocking back and forward on his heels. At
my call, he glanced up fearfully through his arms. I made sure that he was looking in my eyes before
speaking.
"Edward, I do like them. I like them so much that you made me cry because I am so happy. This is the most
thoughtful, and wonderful gift that anyone has ever given me. Thank you Edward, thank you so much."
Edward's hands dropped down, and he eyed me warily.
"You're crying... because you like the flowers?" He asked me slowly, trying to understand that I was telling
him the truth. I nodded, smiling widely, simply because his innocent and heart-warming gesture had
touched me in a way that no other gift in my life had. Edward studied me for a second, and then smiled
cautiously.
"You really like them?" he whispered self-consciously, his green eyes enlarged as he peered at me through
his glasses, and I could have sworn my heart almost stopped.
"Yes," I managed. I shook my head and then turned my attention to the piano, trying to distract myself.
"You are a really talented player," I commented before smiling at him encouragingly. Edward's entire face
lit up in delight before he launched into a detailed explanation of the history behind the piano, mentioning
various composers as he went. He spoke rapidly and passionately, and it did not take a genius to figure out
that I had inadvertently stumbled upon his special interest. After about five minutes I realized that Angela
was still waiting, and although I could listen to Edward talk about augmented fifths and diminished ninths
all night, I had better leave.
"Edward," I stated, feeling terrible interrupting him, "I am sorry but I really must go. A friend is waiting for
me to take her home," I explained.
"Oh, yes, I am sorry to have taken up your time," he replied, seeming embarrassed.
"No Edward, I enjoyed talking to you. Maybe you could play me some of the pieces you were talking about
one day?"

"Tomorrow?" I blinked at his eagerness, surprised that he was open to another social engagement do soon.
"I have to go to Uni tomorrow, but I am working again on Wednesday, so can we meet here again?" I
suggested, knowing that there was no way I could disappoint the beautiful boy in front of me.
"Same time?" he asked cautiously.
"Yes," I confirmed.
"Then yes, Bella, I will play for you. What would you like me to play?" he asked, tipping his head to one side
thoughtfully. It took all my will power not to tip my head in the same manner.
"The piece that you are best at," I replied. "Goodbye Edward, I will see you on Wednesday."
"Goodbye Bella. Thank you for coming and I will see you soon," he stated perfectly, even adding in a wave
for good measure. I was surprised I made it out of the door without melting at his feet. I had never in my
life met someone who had caught my interest so swiftly and so completely. I was utterly powerless against
Edward Cullen. Even from this short meeting, of that I was certain.

~*~

Chapter Notes:
Special interests: Suffers of Aspergers often have obsessions, things that they know absolutely everything
about. If a person stumbles upon these special interests, it is exceptionally difficult to stop them from
talking about them.
Sensitivity to sensory stimulation: Suffers of ASD are often exceptionally sensitive to things such as color
and sound. In this chapter, one of the children reacts badly to a certain sound, they do not known how to
process the information. Different sounds would affect different people.

~*~

Chapter Four ~ Discoveries

BPOV
"This is unbelievable," Angela groaned, dropping the paper disgustedly on to the table. I nodded, slightly
demoralized myself as I took a sip of the lemonade before me. Angela stared glumly down at the paper, as if
her melancholy behavior would miraculously change what was written there. She looked up. I rolled my
eyes.
"Let me see," I instructed, brandishing my own paper for her inspection. We swapped, and a moment of
silence passed as we both digested the information. I sighed.
"I don't know which is worse," I concluded, passing her paper back to her. Angela nodded in agreement.
"It's a close call. Let's just say our lives now officially suck," she stated with a grimace. Without warning, a
large pile of books slammed down next to me, causing me to jump and spill lemonade on my hands. I
turned, ready to scream something at whomever was there, only to be met by a stormy-looking Alice. I

swallowed whatever profanity I was about to yell in an instant. Angry Alice was not someone I wanted to
aggravate.
"My time table sucks ass!" she announced eloquently.
"Mine too," Angela and I concurred in unison. Alice groaned and dropped down into the seat beside me,
dropping her head onto her books.
"I have to take ethics. Ethics! Where in my degree does it say anything about ethics?"
I sighed. "I've got that class as well. I think anyone taking anything vaguely medical is required to take it
this semester," I stated.
"Damn minor in child psychology," Alice muttered, sitting up and glaring menacingly. Angela and I laughed.
"At least we'll all suffer together," she announced, earning disapproving looks from Alice and me. A low
chuckling filled my ears and I turned to see a tall blond guy standing behind us, books in hand and a lazy
smile on his face.
"I'm feeling the love at this table," he remarked. For the second time in less than ten minutes, Alice
managed to scare the life out of me, this time by jumping out of her chair and into the man's arms in less
time than it took me to blink.
"Hey Jazz!" Alice cried, her entire manner changing as he hugged her back.
"Hi Jasper," Angela called from across the table. Alice quickly released Jasper, the two to them sharing a
moment that forced me to look away. It seemed rude to stare at two people that were so captivated by the
other's presence. I decided to take the opportunity to flick the lemonade off my hands, earning me an odd
look from Angela.
"Bella!" I looked to my left to see that Alice had now taken her seat, Jasper sliding down next to her.
"This is Jasper Whitlock, a friend of mine," she announced, her voice breaking slightly on the word 'friend.' I
tried not to grin as she continued.
"Jazz, this is Bella Swan, the girl I told you about." Jasper held his hand out towards me, and I shook it
politely.
"Nice to finally meet you. Alice didn't stop talking about you all weekend. You're practically a celebrity." I
felt myself blush, and I looked away, studying my lemonade bottle with great interest. There was no doubt
in my mind as to why I had been the topic of discussion in the Cullen household.
"Hey, don't exaggerate! Besides, Edward was the one who couldn't leave the subject alone. I was just
indulging him," she stated, folding her arms and pouting at Jasper. Angela, sensing my discomfort, quickly
spoke.
"How did it go with Edward anyway, Bella?" she asked. All at once, the attention was, yet again focused on
me. I couldn't help but wonder when my life had suddenly become so interesting. I shrugged.
"Fine," I replied. Angela studied me curiously for a moment, so I stared back impassively. I didn't know

what it was about my time with Edward, but I wanted to keep it how it was. Ours. It seemed wrong for me
to expose our time together to anyone else, as ludicrous as that sounded.
"Did you like the flowers?" Alice asked slyly, her face twisted in a look of glee. I glared at her, and she held
her hands up in defense.
"I only helped him find them. He came up with the idea, and picked the colors himself," she stated, as if that
was the issue I had with her. Angela looked confused.
"He gave you flowers? You didn't have them with you when we left." I sighed, feeling depressed that I
would now have to explain in detail. "They were in my bag," I said. "They were wooden roses." Angela
simply looked far more perplexed, so I grudgingly continued.
"He was worried that if he bought me real flowers I would be upset when they died." A slow smile spread
across Angela's features at my explanation.
"That's adorable!" she squealed, causing my cheeks to color as I remembered the exchange between
Edward and me. Alice nodded and giggled, launching into an account of how Edward managed to find the
flowers in such short a time. However, Angela continued to look in my direction, studying me carefully.
"Apparently Bella, you're meeting Edward tomorrow after school, right?" Alice asked. Angela raised an
eyebrow at Alice's question, yet said nothing as I turned to answer her.
"Yes, we got talking about music, and I asked him to play for me," I stated, trying to sound aloof. Alice's eyes
widened for a moment, and seemed at a loss for what to say. Feeling uncomfortable, I glanced around in an
attempt to find something else to talk about. It was then that I noticed the time.
"Ugh, I have a phonological disorders lecture in ten minutes," I groaned, gathering my belongings together.
"I really should be going as well. Bella, are we still on for this evening?" Angela asked. I nodded, and she
turned to Alice.
"Ali, we're meeting up in Forks for dinner later if you want to come." Alice sighed and shook her head.
"I can't, I'm afraid. Simon in class eight had an epileptic fit yesterday afternoon and I promised him I'd come
visit," she explained, before turning to me once more.
"Where's your class?" she asked. I pulled my timetable out before answering.
"Lecture theatre two," I said. Alice nodded.
"I'll take you. I have to go collect a CRB form from my advisor since mine runs out next month," Alice stated
with grimace. I laughed, knowing all too well how complex and frustrating those forms were. The four of us
parted ways, Alice giving Jasper a lingering look before we set off across campus.
"Bella," Alice began slowly, "I know from what Edward told me that you accepted his apology easily." She
hesitated for a moment, leaving me confused.
"Alice, what is it?" I asked.

"Don't feel that you have any obligation towards him," she said, looking up at me worriedly, "You don't
have to listen to him play if you don't want to. You don't owe him anything." I stopped and stared at Alice
incredulously.
"Wait," I stated, holding up a hand towards her, "You think that I am only spending time with him because I
feel guilty?" Alice's expression did not change, and a part of me wanted to scream and shout about exactly
how much I was looking forward to spending time with Edward, but that would not be appropriate either,
so I settled for something in between.
"Alice, it's not like that. I wouldn't do that to him. It would be unfair. I honestly do want to listen to him
play. From what I heard last time, he's amazing." I had to stop myself there before I continued to gush about
how marvelous, talented, addictive and just plain stunning her brother was.
"Well, in that case... Bella, just be careful, alright? I mean, Edward's actions can be misinterpreted. He
means well, just..."
"Alice," I interrupted, feeling a little testy at her advice, "I think I know what I'm doing. I know my first
meeting with Edward did not go well, but I can assure you, I am perfectly capable of spending time with
him without any mishaps," I said through clenched teeth. Alice flinched, and the two of us continued on our
way in silence.
"I'm sorry Bella, I didn't mean to imply anything," Alice admitted quietly, "It's just that, Edward's my
brother. I don't want anything bad to happen to him." I smiled sadly and nudged her with my elbow.
"I understand, really I do, but I promise you, we will be fine," Alice nodded slowly, but I could tell that she
remained dubious. I sighed, then grinned and stole a look at her.
"So, Jasper's cute. Is he single?" Alice stumbled over her own feet, all the color draining from her face at my
utterance. I burst out laughing at her reaction, which caused her to blush when she realized her mistake.
Alice spent the rest of our time together discussing Jasper, our previous conversation apparently forgotten.
"Sorry I'm late," I said, sliding into a seat across from Angela. She waved a hand dismissively, looking up
from the menu.
"I only just got here, don't worry about it," she replied. I sighed heavily, grabbing a menu and skimming
through it.
"How was class?" Angela asked. I shrugged.
"Fine. I'm more worried about the fact that I am supposed to have written a proposal for my research
project already. I have to see my tutor with the outline on Thursday," I replied, anxiety and annoyance
creeping into my voice. Angela glared at me from across the table.
"No school talk," she ordered, glaring at me and causing me to laugh. I complied, and we fell into easy
conversation.
I was about half-way through my mushroom ravioli when Angela unexpectedly said "I take it Alice had a
talk with you about Edward."
I froze, my fork half-way to my mouth before setting it down and replying. "She did, actually. How did you

know that?"
Angela smirked. "Her advisor's office is on the other side of campus from the lecture theatres. Besides, she
was practically interrogating you at lunch." I suddenly felt somewhat betrayed. Alice had been so friendly,
so welcoming. My emotions must have shown on my face as always, because Angela looked alarmed and
then started speaking again.
"That came out wrong. I love Alice, I've known her for years, and she's certainly not insincere, and she's not
trying to be nasty or anything. "Angela sighed, and pushed her plate of linguini away.
"Maybe I should explain a little more about the Cullens," she said, leaning back comfortably in the booth. I
mimicked her position, getting the feeling that this was not a simple story.
"Well, to start with, I guess I should tell you that Esme and Carlisle can't have children. Edward, Alice and
their elder brother Emmett were all adopted as babies. Only a year separates them. Edward's the youngest,
and was always Esme's baby. When he was diagnosed with Aspergers, Esme took it upon herself to help
him, using all of the latest treatments and methods, and ultimately creating her own, thus becoming
experienced in the field." I nodded, encouraging Angela to continue.
"Having met Edward, I assume you've gathered how advanced he is?"
"Yes. I have to say I was somewhat shocked. I would have thought after his reaction towards me on
Saturday that he would not be as sophisticated as he was," I admitted. Angela smiled sadly.
"Well, you wouldn't be the first. When Edward was younger, he went to Meadow View, but was the best
student in the class, so much so that by the time he was eleven, Mrs. Cope told Esme that he was too
advanced for this school. She suggested that he attend a normal junior high school, as long as it could
provide for those with special needs. That way, he would be able to work on his social skills as well as his
academics. However, Esme didn't like this idea. She was worried that Edward would never fit in, and,
considering the stories you hear about the things some kids with disabilities go through at school..." she
trailed off, stopping to take a sip of her drink.
"So instead, he was taught by tutors, and still is as far as I know. He's the same age as you, but I believe he's
been doing his masters in Engineering, or something complex like that." I stared at her, in complete shock
as she finished speaking.
"So you're saying," I began slowly, "that due to his mother's fears, Edward has no idea how to interact in
social situations," I stated. Angela sighed.
"Honestly Bella? I think until he met you, the only interaction outside of his family that he's had have been
his tutors and occasionally Jasper. Can you now see where Alice is coming from?"
"But that's insane!" I cried, indignation spreading through me. "Edward is more than capable of being in
social situations. He just needs to be given the opportunity to try! They can't shelter him forever. That's not
fair on him." Angela stared at me for a moment, a look I could not identify crossing her features. Then she
smiled.
"Well, I think he has the opportunity now. I think that it's great that you're spending time with him. He
deserves to have a friend." I smiled back at her, now almost wishing tomorrow would come sooner.

"Not to mention the fact that Edward Cullen is damn hot."

I choked on nothing, causing Angela to burst out laughing at my reaction. I grabbed my glass, drinking
deeply in order to recover.
"That is neither here nor there," I replied crisply, trying to regain some dignity after my outburst. Angela
shrugged.
"Maybe, but I notice you're not denying it," she replied slyly. I narrowed my eyes at her.
"I'm not dignifying that with an answer," I said, which unfortunately only caused her to once again start
laughing. I hastily changed the subject, but my mind was whirling from the information it had received. I
could understand Edward's mother's fears and her actions, but it seemed a shame that such an intelligent
and wonderful boy had been cooped up all his life. I vowed to myself that, starting tomorrow, I would do
what I could to change that.

~*~

Chapter Notes:
Phonological disorders: Sound/hearing disorders.
Epilepsy: Many sufferers of ASD also have conditions such as epilepsy that need to be carefully watched.
CRB check: Criminal Records Bureau checks. A government check that anyone who works with children
must take in order to make sure that you have no past indiscretions that prevent you from interacting with
children.

~*~

Chapter Five ~ Uncomfortable Conversations

BPOV
I couldn't get him out of my mind. I had been staring at the clock wistfully every chance I got for the past
three hours. Luckily I had had my hands full with class three, so time had passed swiftly, except now I was
'umpiring' a basketball game for class five while class three had music, and my mind was free to wander.
My conversation with Angela had not exactly helped my growing obsession with Edward Cullen. In a way,
her words seemed to be implying that I had her permission to spend time with him, although I was sure
that if she knew the true nature of my thoughts, she would not have been as eager.
I was looking forward to hearing him play, but in actuality I just wanted to bask in his presence. Everything
about Edward fascinated and allured me. The way his fingers effortlessly danced and caressed the piano
keys as he played, the illusive color of his hair, and most importantly, his eyes. I had never seen anyone
with green eyes before, and I didn't even know it was possible to have eyes the exact shade of Edward's.
They were a curious mix of jade and forest, emotion altering the hue infinitesimally. I was brought out of
my recollections as the game drew closer to my position on the court. I watched for a moment as the
students passed me, their teacher calling out instructions to them as they passed the ball between them. I
was only here due to regulations, in case there was an accident or some sort of problem. My lack of
co-ordination would have probably caused more harm to the students than anything else, so I was rather

relieved that I had not been asked to participate. As the gaggle moved away once more, my train of thought
resumed.
My reactions to Edward were perplexing. I was painfully aware of his aesthetic nature, which was making
me decidedly uncomfortable. I prided myself on the fact that I did not judge by appearances. It would have
been difficult to perform my job if I had such hang ups. Yet here I was, practically drooling over Edward's
perfect physique, charmingly expressive eyes and tousled hair. I felt slightly ashamed. Edward had been so
polite and apologetic, a perfect gentlemen, while I was eyeing him up like a piece of meat. He was gorgeous.
Anyone with eyes could see that, but I did not usually notice the male species in that way. I had had a few
crushes in High School, each of them fading as I realized I was invisible to the boys in my age group. I had
never had a relationship and had barely even been kissed. At twenty years old, this was shameful and said
more about me than I wanted it too. The truth was I had never felt an attraction strong enough to pursue it
with all my heart. I had been a late developer as it was, and all my energy had been directed into teaching
and studying. It sometimes bothered me when I saw couples younger than myself, hand in hand and falling
for each other, but most of the time I was perfectly fine the way I was.
Thus my reactions to Edward confused me somewhat. It seemed odd that my hormones had decided to kick
in at full-force now of all times. I was supposed to have these feelings years ago. I was attracted to him, yes,
I admitted that, but it was purely physical. It could be overcome easily. I knew nothing about Edward Cullen
as a person, and I was sure that once I did, my attraction towards him would fade. Plus, if I spent more time
with him, I could probably desensitize myself from his dazzling nature. I wanted to be his friend. After what
Angela had explained about his family, I felt an overwhelming need to allow him a glimpse of life outside of
his family circle. That was all. I wanted to be friends with Edward Cullen. With that stern thought in my
mind I grudgingly turned my attention back to the game.
"I think I'm going to study Tommy as part of my research project," I announced to Angela as we sat in the
staff room during lunch hour. Angela nodded thoughtfully.
"Good idea. You can bring in aspects of your audiology classes that way, not to mention the fact that the boy
practically idolizes you. He wouldn't even let me help him this morning. He had to wait until you were
free!" I laughed. He really was an adorable little boy and I was growing very fond of him..
"Do you know what you're doing yet?" I asked her. She nodded.
"I'm thinking of studying Daniel and his perceptions of sensory stimulants, as well as his reactions to them.
I get to use some of my behavior studies methods that way," she said. I smiled at the idea, her voice
betraying how excited she was about the project. We continued to bounce ideas off each other until Alice
joined us, a huge smile plastered across her face. Angela raised an eyebrow.
"Do I even want to know?" she questioned. Alice laughed.
"My mom has a meeting after work, so she won't be back until after six," Alice said. I looked at her
questioningly, obviously missing something. Angela rolled her eyes.
"Alice, what the hell are you and Jasper eating? I swear you guys can't go more than twelve hours without
getting off." I almost choked on nothing as the statement flew from Angela's mouth. I nervously picked up
my water, attempting to distract myself from their conversation.
"Ang, if you were getting what I am, believe me, you wouldn't survive twelve hours either," Alice stated
smugly. I felt my face heat up with the remark. My lack of sexual experience made conversations like this

almost unbearable. I felt as if I had some sort of sign on my head that flashed 'virgin' in bright, sparkly
letters everyone else could see.
"To be honest Ali, I don't know if I want to do what you guys do. I still don't get why you would want to mix
ties, ice and candle wax on..." this time I really did choke, the water that I had been sipping spraying over
everything within the vicinity. I coughed as Angela leaned over me, patting my back.
"You okay Bella?" Alice asked, peering at me from the other side. I nodded slowly, my face a crimson beacon
due to the overwhelming embarrassment I had experienced in the past few minutes. Satisfied that I had
recovered, Alice moved the conversation topic onwards while I wallowed in my own humiliation.
"Are you sure you're okay Bella?" Angela asked, turning away from Alice and peering at me closely. I forced
my feelings of inadequacy down and smiled brightly.
"Sorry, I zoned out there. I'm fine. Honestly." Angela nodded, and before long I had immersed myself within
the conversation once more, my previous thoughts dispersing.
"Come in."
I suppressed the gleeful excitement as much as I could as I pushed open the door of the music room. On
hearing me enter, Edward rose from his seat at the piano in order to greet me. The smile he wore had my
heart racing in an instant, and I found myself having to concentrate exceptionally hard on his words in
order to hear them.
"Hello Bella, It's good to see you again. How was your day?" His sweet nature did not help my reactions to
him. Friends, Bella. You want to be friends, I reminded myself.
"Hi Edward, it's good to see you too. My day was fine thank you, how was yours?" I replied in kind. Edward
blinked, seemingly confused by my question, however, he recovered quickly, smiling again and walking
forward to stand in front of me, closer than would be deemed appropriate.
"My day went according to schedule, thank you for asking, Bella." He was far too close to me, so close that I
could smell him. It was sweet, but delightfully masculine, and not too overwhelming. Perfect. His smell was,
however, messing with my resolve. I wanted to lean into him, just inhale deeply everything that made him,
him.
Oh I was seriously done for.
Without warning, Edward took my hand in his and, just like before, pulled me towards the piano. I was
momentarily distracted by the touch of his skin. He could have been dragging me to my death, and I would
not have even put up a fight.
"Please, take a seat." I blinked, feeling confused.
"Y-you want me to sit on the piano bench?" I asked, my voice stuttering slightly. Edward frowned, his eyes
darting to my own and away in rapid succession. I winced, realizing that my tone of voice had betrayed me.
I had not expected him to want me so close to him while he played. I was almost certain the close proximity
would not help my attraction to him.
"Well, if you want to hear me play and understand exactly what I am doing and have me speak to you, then

it is the optimum place for you to sit. You are quite small. There is more than enough room for both of us on
the bench."
I had absolutely no logical argument to make to counter his statement. Although the acoustics would be
better if I sat in a different position, I would not be able to see Edward as he played. To him, the mechanics
of playing the piano was just as important as the sound it produced. He also would not be able to talk to me
unless he shouted above the music.
"Have I done something wrong?" I looked up, guilt hitting me hard as I saw his devastated expression.
Edward was trying so hard to accommodate me, to let me into his world. If I wanted to experience what he
had to offer, I was going to have to play by his rules. I offered him a smile before walking forward and
taking my place on the left-hand-side of the piano bench.
"Is it alright if I sit on this side?" I asked. His entire face lit up, and he responded affirmatively as he slid into
place beside me. Without another word, he glanced up once at the music and began. I closed my eyes for a
moment as I absorbed the slow, lilting melody. The piece began in an almost melancholy tone, yet after a
minute or so, the notes became more positive, beautiful in their simplicity and playful nature.
"Tchaikovsky, Piano concerto number 2 in G major."
I opened my eyes and turned to face Edward. He continued to gaze before him as he spoke.
"This is the second movement, andante non troppo. The concerto itself is dedicated to Nikolia Rubinstein,
who wished to play the piece once it was completed in order to apologize for his harsh criticism of
Tchaikovsky's first piano concerto. Unfortunately, Rubinstein died before the piece was first played in
November of 1881."
I listened as the notes continued for a few moments before speaking .
"It's beautiful," I whispered, my voice sounding harsh and disrespectful amidst the melody. Edward sighed.
"It does not sound as it should without the violin and cello counterparts."
"I do prefer Rhapsody on a theme though," I said, not really knowing how to continue after his statement.
Abruptly the sweet notes ended, replaced by a rapid succession of increasing scales. My eyes widened at
Edward's skill. Without missing a beat, he turned to face me.
"You know this piece." he said. I nodded, mouth open in awe as it became more complex, yet Edward acted
as if it were nothing.
"It's one of my favorites," I admitted once I was able. Edward turned away, giving the piano his full
attention as the tempo increased.
"It is one of my favourites also. It takes meticulous planning to keep the time as it should be played and to
not allow the notes to be played without direction."
I continued to listen as the piece slowed and chords broke through the scales. I didn't think I could ever tire
of hearing him play. He closed his eyes and smiled and I could have sworn I stopped breathing. In that
moment, in his element, he was magnificent. I gulped, speaking quickly before I did something rash.

"Do you only play classical?" I stammered, my voice breaking horribly. Edward stopped playing, removing
his hands from the piano completely. I froze, wondering if I had disturbed him, my nerves automatically
igniting in case I needed to perform some damage control. Then he smirked. Slowly, he lifted his right hand
to the keys, and began.
"I hope you know this Bella. My opinion of your musical taste depends on it."
He's not...
My jaw dropped as his fingers danced across the few notes, and I could have sworn I was salivating. I
listened to the notes fill their repetition and I smiled, noticing Edward glance at me expectantly. I felt a
smirk of my own grow across my face as the pattern returned for the second time. It was taking all of my
willpower not to laugh and jump up and down like a child. Continuing, I watched as Edward lifted his right
hand and belted out the familiar blocks of chords. My leg twitched with the rhythm, my smirk growing into
a full- fledged smile. He had managed to start playing one of my favorite songs of all time. As the chords
began their second repetition, I could hear the drum beats in my mind, and my head began moving of its
own accord. Edward turned to face me, looking slightly concerned. I watched as his eyes flickered to my
mouth, and his frown faded as he saw I was smiling. I couldn't help what I did next. I was caught, caught in
this world of music. I opened my mouth, and, looking at Edward, I began singing horribly.
"Out here in the fields
I fight for my meals
I get my back into my living."
By the time I had drawn out the last word, Edward was shaking with laughter at my mauling of a 70's
classic. However, as the song continued, I was momentarily stunned as Edward's melodiously tuneful voice
joined my own discordant one.
"I don't need to fight
To prove I'm right
I don't need to be forgiven
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah."
I was laughing hysterically at how terrible my voice sounded in comparison as Edward began playing the
musical interlude with gusto. I couldn't resist lifting my hands, playing imaginary drums to the beat I knew
so well. Edward started laughing once more at my strange antics, but I couldn't care less. It was far too
much fun. By the time the last chord hung in the air, we had both dissolved into laughter.
"You really cannot sing Bella. I don't think you should try to either. It sounded horrible," Edward said,
looking down on me sternly. I felt as if I were a child being scolded a parent; he was so serious and
demanding. I tried to stop the overwhelming feelings of shame and disgrace from seeping through, but
Edward's hard expression and harsh words made it difficult. It felt as if I had been accused of a crime
against nature, rather than singing out of tune.
What Edward said was true, completely and utterly, but it didn't stop the statement from hurting. I looked

away from him, trying to soothe the sting that his words had created, telling myself that he wasn't trying to
be malicious. Edward seemed to have noticed the change in my demeanor, because he was calling my
name, asking if I was alright. I swallowed, and looked up at him.
"That wasn't a nice thing to say to me, Edward," I said. In an instant, his face twisted from confusion to
horror. He averted his eyes from my face, and lifted his hands to his hair, tugging on it. I felt awful. I wished
I could take back what I said, and go back to the laughing, smiling Edward of a few minutes ago, but that
would be unfair to him, and very wrong of me.
"Did...did I upset you?" His words were so unsure, so hesitant, that I wanted to lie to him. I closed my eyes,
preparing myself for this conversation.
"You did, Edward. You hurt my feelings," I said. The look of anguish and pain that appeared on his features
was almost too much to take. I knew he was having difficulty understanding what he had done wrong. His
hands had returned to his hair, and his body was beginning to rock.
"Edward... Edward, I need you to listen to me. Can you do that?" I asked, keeping my voice even and clear.
Edward peered up at me hesitantly, his hands still wrapped in his hair, and nodded once.
"Thank you Edward. Now, what you said to me was very true. I can't sing, but, you should not say those
things to people, because it can make them feel bad about themselves," I explained. Edward slowly lowered
his arms, a frown appearing on his face. I resisted the urge to reach out and caress it until it disappeared
once more.
"So, are you saying I should lie? That's not right," he insisted. I offered him a smile, glad that he seemed to
have calmed.
"No, you shouldn't lie to people. You're right, lying is wrong. You don't have to tell me I'm a good singer,
because it is untrue." Edward nodded, completely with me on this.
"What should I have said?" he asked. I had to think for a moment. In all honesty, if he had just said 'you
really can't sing Bella', then I would have simply agreed and continued laughing. It was the fact that he used
the word 'horrible', and that he had continuously mentioned how bad I was that stung. His calculated,
serious tone of voice had not helped either. But I knew that concept would be lost on him. So instead, I tried
a different approach.
"Did you really need to say anything to me? I didn't ask you what you thought of my singing. There was no
need for you to say anything," I answered. Edward blinked.
"Oh," he muttered, his cheeks turning a delightful shade of pink. I couldn't help but smile again.
"It is okay to think those things, but unless you have to, then you should try not to say them out loud."
"Because if I do, it could hurt someone's feelings," Edward finished slowly, looking at, me for confirmation. I
nodded, and he smiled, pleased that he had figured it out. His face suddenly dropped, and he glanced at me
cautiously through his lashes. My heart leapt, and I tried to keep up my professional facade.
"You're not terrible angry with me, are you?"
I shook my head. "No, I'm not," I replied.

"I am really sorry that I hurt your feelings, Bella. I didn't realize what I was saying would hurt you so
much," Edward said, bowing his head in an apologetic manner as he spoke. I wanted to hug him. Badly.
"I accept your apology Edward. Thank you," I replied. Edward sent me a half smile in response, before
turning back to the piano. I frowned as he raised his hands, a soft and peaceful melody filling the room.
Edward seemed completely absorbed in his playing, and I couldn't help but wonder if by playing he was
attempting to express something that he could not fathom.
"I seem to be upsetting people a lot these days." His mournful voice caused concern to ignite within me.
"What do you mean? Has something happened?" I asked. Edward continued to play for a moment before
explaining.
"The first time I spoke to Rosalie, I upset her. Then when I first saw you I hurt you and then I said
something today that upset you again. I really thought I would be better at talking to people, but it seems
that I don't understand them, no matter how hard I try. I was hoping Rosalie and I could be friends because
she's Emmett's girlfriend and he really likes her and Emmett spends a lot of time with me, but I've never
had a friend before so I don't know what to do."
"I'm your friend," I said gently.
I hoped that this knowledge would be comforting to him, help him to possibly open up about the problems
he experienced in socializing outside of his family. It also gave him a definition of what our relationship
was, so that he could learn the difference between how to react towards me and towards his family. To my
delight, Edward turned to me, ceasing his movements on the piano as he did, a wide smile on his face.
"You are?" he asked, disbelief clear in his words. I nodded.
"Yes." Edward looked slightly perplexed.
"But I've hurt and upset you," he insisted.
"That sometimes happens with friends, especially when they have not been friends for long, but you learn
from your mistakes and it makes your relationship stronger," I replied. Edward stared at me for a moment,
his smile returning.
"I'm friends with Bella Swan," he announced proudly. I laughed.
"I'm friends with Edward Cullen. At least, I hope I am," I added, realizing that he had never confirmed this. I
needn't have worried, because Edward nodded vigorously.
"Yes Bella, I am your friend," he insisted, making me smile once more. It was ridiculous how easily he was
able to do that.
"Edward, what did you say to Rosalie to make her upset? I might be able to help you if you explain what
happened," I said slowly. Edward frowned.
"I don't really understand what happened. I was talking to her, trying to be nice and friendly. She works
with cars so I was telling her about the mechanisms of an Audi A3 Cabriolet, when she suddenly..." Edward

trailed off, gripping his hair once more. Whatever Rosalie had done had obviously made him feel wretched,
something that I could not allow.
"What happened, Edward?" I coaxed. He sighed, and tugged on his hair violently once before allowing his
arms to drop, swinging dangerously close to me.
"She called me names. She said I was a disgusting pervert and should be ashamed of myself and then
stormed out of the kitchen," Edward was breathing heavily now, looking panicked, his eyes wild, bright and
on fire. It took my breath away, reality fading as I was caught in every emotion he could not comprehend on
display for me to see.
"I don't understand Bella!" he cried, causing me to jump as the frustration of recalling the events overcame
him.
"I was trying to be nice! I was talking to her; I didn't say anything that would cause her to think that of me! I
wanted to be her friend, but she said those words, and I know that she hates me but there is nothing I can
do about that because I just don't understand!"
"Edward!" I shouted, trying to make sense of the words inside the hysteria.
"You need to stop and calm down for a moment," I said, my voice still slightly raised, but not as much as
before.. Edward closed his eyes, humming something under his breath as he rocked back and forth. This
seemed to be his method of organizing his thoughts, so I allowed him the time to calm while I attempted to
decipher why Rosalie would have insulted him in that manner. Her words were specific, but I couldn't
imagine what Edward could have done to make her react in that way. The fact that she had said that to
someone who suffered from AS was quite shocking. Edward seemed to have calmed somewhat, and he
lowered his hands and his rocking was barely noticeable. His eyes had yet to calm though, his gaze
continuously darting in every direction. If I had not been used to it, it would have been quite unnerving.
Oh.
That's when it hit me. There was an explanation for Rosalie's behavior, but it was a little farfetched.
"Edward..." I began slowly, gaining his attention, "Did Emmett tell Rosalie that you have Asperger's
Syndrome?"
Edward stopped rocking completely, a thoughtful expression crossing his features.
"I don't know... but he might not have. Emmett isn't like Esme and Alice, he says that Aspergers doesn't
make me who I am, and he doesn't tell his friends I have it. He just says I'm his brother, so maybe he didn't
tell her."
I couldn't help but smile as Edward described his brother. I liked his attitude already. It also meant that my
theory about Rosalie's behavior was more likely, although I wished it wasn't.
"Edward, did you manage to maintain eye contact with Rosalie when you spoke to her?" I asked. Edward
became instantly uncomfortable, and I inwardly cringed. I was really not looking forward to this
conversation.
"She has huge blue eyes, Bella," Edward whined sadly, "I really thought they were going to swallow me. I

would have drowned if they did!"

His remark made absolutely no sense whatsoever, and my warped, jealous mind was hearing him say I
could have drowned in her eyes as if we were part of a cheesy romance movie.
"Why are you asking Bella? Do you understand what I did wrong?" he asked, his voice taking on a hopeful
tone, which only made this whole ordeal instantly worse. Fate had decided that today I would have to
endure one of the worst conversations I'd ever had in my life.
"Yes, I think I may know why Rosalie was so offended," I began slowly, trying to find the words to express
the next part as eloquently as I could. Edward was staring at me as if I was the answer to all his prayers. My
heart melted, wishing that adoring look could be bestowed upon me for different reasons. I sighed.
"I think you may have been... accidently... staring at her chest as you spoke to her."
I expected and had mentally prepared myself for Edward to lose control over this. Instead, his face turned a
brilliant shade of crimson, and he dropped his gaze, his shoulders hunching in. He was obviously mortified
by this revelation.
"Edward, it's not your fault. You were not doing it deliberately. It's not the end of the world. You can make
this right. You just have to explain everything to Rosalie," I said, trying to persuade him to become hopeful
and happy Edward once more. However, the aura of gloom that surrounded him did not lift.
"How can I change it? She thinks I'm a pervert," he muttered. I was not going to have any of that. I hated
seeing him this way, and I would be damned if he stayed feeling that way for much longer.
"Edward, look at me," I demanded. It took a few seconds for him to work up the nerve, but once he did I was
greeted by sorrowful, mint-leaf eyes.
"How can Rosalie make an informed decision about you or the situation until she has all of the information?
She does not know about you. She cannot understand your reactions until all the facts are revealed to her,"
I said carefully. I knew that this would be the only way Edward would gain the courage to speak to Rosalie
and set things right with her. Of course, those of us without ASD did not work this way, making snap
decisions about people without even the slightest information about their character. Yet to Edward, that
would seem completely illogical. I was almost certain that once Rosalie knew Edward had AS, she would
take back her words. I just needed him to feel confident enough to talk to her.
"So, if I talk to Rosalie and explain that I have Asperger's and that her eyes are scary, then she can make an
informed decision?" I winced.
"You should definitely tell her you have Asperger's. I think you should explain that that it makes it difficult
for you to look people in the eye when you speak to them," I said, deciding that was probably better than
telling her that her eyes were scary.
"Do you think that she will want to be my friend then?" Edward asked quietly. I smiled. This obviously
meant so much to him. He and Emmett must be close.
"I can't see any reason why not," I replied. Edward smiled fully this time, dazzling me momentarily. He
turned back to the piano once more, and I soon recognized the same melody he had been playing before
this conversation had begun.

"Bella, since we're friends, does that mean we will be doing this more often?" Edward asked shyly.
"You mean spending time together?" I replied, trying to keep the childish elation out of my voice. Edward
nodded his head as he continued to play, never skipping a beat.
"I really enjoyed today, Bella. Besides, that's what friends do. They spend time together," Edward
announced proudly. His enthusiasm had sixteen year old hormonal Bella screaming and jumping up and
down and dancing to popular girl-rock songs. Twenty year old Bella, however, acted with restraint.
"They do. I'll tell you what, Edward. I work at Meadow View on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. If it fits
in with your schedule, we could meet, as we have been doing, and spend time together," I said. Edward
turned and smiled.
"It fits into my schedule perfectly, Bella. We can meet this Friday. What will we do?" he asked.
"Well, considering that I decided I wanted to hear you play today, it's only fair that you decide what we do
next time," I announced. Edward seemed slightly taken aback, his hands faltering on the keys.
"That is fair. Alright, Bella. Is it Okay if we meet here at the same time?" I nodded and we settled into a
comfortable silence as Edward resumed his playing.
"I've never heard this piece," I remarked.
"You wouldn't have. It is one of my own," Edward replied.
If I had been done for before, I was now completely and utterly at Edward's mercy.
"You compose?" I whispered, my tone reverent and disbelieving.
"My Sunday scheduled practice time from one until three is reserved for composition. My practice time is
earlier on Sunday because we have family dinner with Dr. Cullen and Emmett and I have to complete out
daily workout before then,"
My mind spiraled out of control as I thought about Edward's daily workouts . I really hoped I was not
obvious in my ogling of his toned arms and shoulders.. I was practically drooling.
"Bella?" I snapped my eyes back to his face as he called my name.
"I have just enough time to play one more piece. Do you have a request?" he lifted his eyes to meet my own,
determination clear as he held my gaze.
"Clair du lune," I whispered, naming the song my mother had played to soothe me to sleep as a child.
Edward's dazzling smile reappeared and I almost whimpered in pleasure.
"Debussy. An excellent choice indeed, Bella." Edward turned back to the instrument, and I was taken over
by the wonderful sounds.
There was no point in even trying to resist anymore. All I could do was hope that my fascination with
Edward Cullen would not pose too many problems in the future.

~*~
Chapter Notes:
The Who - Baba ORiley

~*~

Chapter Six ~ Anxiety

EPOV
I paced the twenty five steps it took me to cross the kitchen. It was calming, diligently counting each stride I
took in order to keep the thoughts clear in my mind. Multiples of five were comforting with their five, zero,
five, zero pattern. I preferred multiples of nine, having their own decreasing and increasing pattern that
was subtle in its predictability, but when the numbers became threatened, I always turned to multiples of
five in my desperation to hold onto them. I increased my pace, yet kept my steps at the same equal
measure. I knew I had a specific time frame in which to speak to Rosalie, as Emmett would have to leave to
go to pick up the pizza I had witnessed him order. In this time, I could relate all of the facts concerning
myself to Rosalie so she would be able to make an informed and logical decision regarding my actions and
personality. I was dismayed when Bella informed me of the mistake I had made when addressing Rosalie. I
would never have consciously performed that action, as it was terribly rude and made no sense that I
should address that part of her anatomy when speaking to her, but if Bella believed that Rosalie had
interpreted my actions in that way, I trusted her.
I smiled to myself and reduced my movements back to my standard walking pace. I liked Bella. She had
wonderful taste in music, and was interested in listening to what I had to teach her about music and
playing. She respected my schedule and spoke to me in a way that made me feel as if we were equals.
Normally, once a person found out about my condition, they started acting as if I was intellectually
challenged, deaf, or some sort of circus attraction. Esme had often said when I was a child that I was
'special' and they did not understand, but it seemed more logical that she informed them of my 'special'
nature and how they must be cautious when they spoke to me, which led to people treating me as they did.
Bella was different from the few people outside of my family I've met in my life. She said that she was my
friend, and I knew that I would be able to maintain our friendship. I would not be able to maintain any sort
of relationship with a person who could not respect my routine or disliked my interests. However, Bella
had been punctual in arriving to both of our meetings and had participated readily and intelligently when
discussing musical interests. I looked forward to our meeting on Friday. We would be spending time as
friends from now on. I remember Alice once quoted to me that "Friends are the family you choose." That
was ridiculous, as a person could either be a friend or a relative depending upon whether or not they
shared genetic material, but I now understood the sentiment on some level. A friend is a person who one
wishes to spend time with for one reason or another, without the obligation that blood provides. That is of
course assuming a person enjoys spending time with their family.
My thoughts were interrupted as Emmett's heavy, erratic footsteps echoed through the hallway. I
completed my twenty five step routine just in time to see him shrug on a jacket as he left the house. I
watched, waiting patiently for the door to click shut, and for my window of seven minutes and twenty four
seconds before Emmett returned. Once the door was shut, I slowly made my way towards the front room
where Emmett and Rosalie had been since I returned home. I had managed to avoid having contact with

them since I returned home from my time with Bella, because the scenario that Bella had described to me
only included me speaking to Rosalie, and not to Emmett, and I was not sure what I would have done if I
had had to have the conversation in front of him. I took the thirty three steps' difference to the living room
door. The living room was a family room, therefore the door was always open and no one needed to knock
before entering, although I really did feel as if I were disturbing Rosalie. I was almost certain she would not
welcome my presence, but it was important that I speak to her and give her all the facts, because she's
important to Emmett and I want us to be friends. Bella said that she believed if Rosalie knew each piece of
information, then she would be my friend. I trusted Bella, and her advice made logical sense, so I quietly
walked into the room.
"Hello Rosalie," I said, looking at the floor near her, so that she would not mistake my avoidance of her eyes
for anything else. There was a long silence, eight clicks of the clock on the mantel piece passing before I
received a response.
"What do you want?"
I tried to decipher the tone of voice she used, but it was far too confusing. No one had ever spoken to me in
that manner before, yet I was almost certain her tone was not inviting, considering the uninformed
opinions that she had created about me.
"I want to talk to you about what happened last time you were here," Another five ticks of the clock passed
before she answered in the same tone.
"I have nothing to say to you." This was a stupid reply as I had clearly stated t I wanted to talk to her.
"Well that's fine, as I am the one who needs to talk to you, to explain all of the facts so that you can
understand," I said, making sure that I explained my motivation. She laughed, which was exceptionally
inappropriate considering nothing I said was humorous.
"Alright, lets here it. What don't I apparently understand, Edward?" Glad she finally seemed to be accepting
the fact that I had something to tell her, I slowly raised my eyes so I could meet hers. I really did not want
her to misinterpret anything else I may be doing unintentionally, so I had to maintain eye contact with her.
I didn't want her to think I was being rude or looking at any others part of her anatomy. Rosalie's eyes were
the brightest blue I had ever seen, and they seemed to take up most of the room on her face. They were
almost as big as Alice's, yet so much brighter, exactly how the sea looked. I really did not want to drown,
but I really wanted to be Rosalie's friend so I had to do this.
"Well?" Rosalie pushed, and I realized quite a lot of time had passed, and she was still waiting to hear the
facts. I offered her a smile, but she did not return it, which I thought was slightly rude but there was
nothing I could do about it.
"It has come to my attention that the last time we spoke you believed that I was...ummm..." Words were
failing me again. I could not remember a way to describe my actions in polite speech. I felt my face grow
hot, and I dragged my hand through my hair, pulling at it, trying to make the words flow.
"Looking at you inappropriately!" I announced, smiling joyfully as the words returned. I had been lucky this
time. They did not always return so swiftly.
"You really are disgusting, Edward." My smile decreased as Rosalie spoke, and I felt confused as I had not
finished my explanation, so of course she had not changed her mind concerning my conduct, but there was

no need for her to inject her opinion at that precise moment in time.
"Yes, I know you perceive it that way, but I did not mean to focus on that area. I was just trying to avoid
looking into your eyes as you spoke," I explained. Rosalie's face twisted, and I knew that look to be one of
confusion, as Emmett often looked at me in that same manner before he asked me to explain something I
just told him. I didn't really want to have to explain anything to Rosalie, because we only had a limited time
frame in which to have this conversation before Emmett returned.
"You were avoiding looking into my eyes, so you decided to have a conversation with my chest?" Rosalie
asked. I flinched, walking back slightly at the accusation.
"No! That would be exceptionally rude of me, not to mention an absolutely illogical thing to do. One cannot
have a conversation with a woman's chest, so I would not venture to do so. Besides, I was not even
consciously aware that I had been addressing that part of your anatomy. It was simply an unwanted
consequence of my conscious action of avoiding looking directly into your eyes. If I had known that the
waste product of my actions would have caused such a negative reaction, I would have made more of a
conscious effort to make direct eye contact, but it is exceptionally difficult for me."
I had gone into far more detail than I had originally planned to when explaining my actions, but it did
thoroughly explain what happened. Rosalie simply closed her eyes for a moment, and I was hoping that
when she opened them, she'd be apologizing for jumping to conclusions. I had to say, though, I was rather
glad to get away from her gaping blue eyes.
"So, you were not consciously looking at my chest. It just happened? Oh give me a break Edward!"
"I would give you a break from this conversation, but Emmett will return in a few minutes and I wanted to
explain exactly what happened so that you could make an informed decision about me," I insisted, slightly
worried that time would be my downfall. The probability of being able to finish this conversation in the
time that it would take Emmett to return was not high, but I refused to work out the exact statistics because
I did not believe that probability was an efficient use of number or my time. It was guess work, thus why it
had the word 'probability' in its title and guessing was not an option for me at this point. I could feel the
numbers slipping away, highlighted by how I had resorted to probability in order to get them back.
"I think I'll stand by my previous thoughts Edward. You haven't told me anything else to make me think
otherwise," Rosalie said and I gripped my hair in aggravation.
"Yes, I have! I explained to you what happened!" I said, my voice rising in volume. Again Rosalie laughed,
and I found myself wanting to scream at her illogical sense of humor.
"You can't look into my eyes, so you looked somewhere else and that happened to be my chest, but you
didn't actually realize you were looking at my chest? Edward, why would you have a problem looking at my
eyes when you spoke to me in the first place?" she shouted, and I could tell that this conversation was not
something she was enjoying, but at least she was starting to understand in part, and I knew the answer to
her question.
"Because I have Aspergers Syndrome, one of the conditions included in the Autism Spectrum Disorder. It
was discovered in 1944 by Hans Asperger due to his research into children who characteristically had
limited empathy with their peers, and had difficulty with non verbal communication skills and social
interaction. It was fully recognized as a diagnosable condition fifty years later. I find it difficult to maintain
eye contact with anyone for very long, as do many people who suffer from AS and most forms of ASD for

that matter," I added. For the third time since this conversation began, a silence descended upon us, with
only the ticking of the clock to break it. Rosalie seemed frozen as she stared at me, and I had to look back
down at the floor again because it was getting far too hard to stare at her eyes. I turned sharply as the door
opened and slammed shut swiftly, then Emmett's voice called out.
"Sorry it took so long babe, there was a line..." he stopped speaking once he caught sight of me in the room.
He grinned, throwing the arm that was not holding on to the pizza around my shoulders in greeting.
"Eddie!" he boomed, "I didn't know you were home. Dude you should have come and said something. We
would have gotten more pizza!" I glared up at him.
"My name is Edward, not Eddie. Thank you, but it is not Friday so I cannot eat pizza," I replied, as he walked
over to Rosalie. As soon as he made his way over to her, she stood, planting her hands on her hips, causing
Emmett to freeze.
"Emmett, why exactly did you not tell me Edward had autism?" she hissed in a way that instantly reminded
me of Esme. In fact, Emmett sort of recoiled in the same way he did when Esme scolded him, which I had to
admit was a strange reaction. Emmett turned and looked at me once, before facing Rosalie.
"It's Aspergers, actually, but why does it even matter?" he replied.
"It could have saved me some embarrassment!" Rosalie cried. Emmett again looked between the two of us
before settling on me.
"Did I miss something?" he questioned. Rosalie opened her mouth, but did not seem to be able to explain
what had passed between us.
"During a conversation, I had been avoiding looking into her eyes and she believed that I had been leering
at her inappropriately," I explained for her. Emmett blinked, a smile spreading across his face he turned
back to Rosalie.
"You thought he was checking out your tits?" I flushed at his crude use of language, but Rosalie seemed
unaffected, and only nodded in conformation. Emmett roared with laughter, yet it was cut short when
Rosalie slapped him hard on the back of the head. I wasn't exactly sure if she was allowed to do that, but I
decided not to say anything.
"Rose baby, Edward would never do that. He's a perfect gentleman, puts me to shame all the time. Hell, tell
her what you did when you made that chick cry," he added, as he turned towards me. I sighed.
"I was trying to make up for the fact that I made her cry by making her smile so it would balance out, so I
bought her wooden flowers, as I know it is appropriate to buy girls flowers when they are upset, but I did
not want Bella to be sad when the flowers died, so I bought wooden ones instead," I explained, hoping that
there would be no questions about how I had made Bella cry because I felt terrible about hitting her, but I
had made it up to her completely so there was no need to think about it anymore.
"Edward, that's so thoughtful," Rosalie said, and then she turned back to Emmett.
"Your right, he really does put you to shame. You could learn from your brother," she announced, but she
was smiling, so she could not have been terribly angry. Emmett smiled back, and they both stared at each
other, so I turned away to let their eyes talk and have what Alice called 'a moment'.

It had taken me a long while to understand how someone could have the devotion and obsession with one
person like what I saw in the relationships I had seen around me. Maybe it is the same as what I do for my
special interests. They go to great lengths to fit this person into their daily routine, they think about them
all the time, and do everything they can to know everything about this one person. I had never come across
a person I had wanted to think of in this manner, but then again, I had not had a friend until today. I was
glad that my brother had found his special interest in Rosalie. He seemed to be in better spirits ever since
the two of them had become a couple.
"Edward?" I turned around to see that Rosalie and Emmet were no longer speaking with their eyes and had
turned back to face me.
"Yes Rosalie," I answered politely.
"I'm sorry that I was rude to you, and called you a perv," she added, causing my brother to chuckle. They
were obviously well-matched if the two of them had the ability to laugh at things that were not funny.
"It's okay. You made a decision about me with limited information, so it is to be expected," I replied with a
smile. This time she smiled back and I wondered if now that she understood everything, she would like to
be friends.
"I'm just glad you figured out why I said those things to you," Rosalie admitted. I shook my head.
"I didn't actually. I described what happened to Bella and she informed me of the mistake I made," I said.
"Bella again? I think I like this chick. She seems cool," Emmett stated. I frowned, not really sure why Bella
was being referred to as fowl, but before I could say anything, the front door opened again.
"Anyone home?"Esme called out, in the same manner she always did.
"In here!" I replied quickly, in the same way I always did. In a few moments Esme appeared in the doorway,
still dressed smartly in her work clothes.
"Hello Esme, did you have a good day?" I asked. Instead of answering me, her attention seemed to be
focused behind me on Emmett and Rosalie, which was strange considering I had been the one who had
spoken.
"A word, please?" Esme said, obviously still speaking to Emmett, before walking out of the room. I must
have done something wrong if she had not answered my question, considering that if someone speaks to
you, it is your duty to answer. I turned to Emmett.
"What did I do?" I asked. Emmett sighed and kissed Rosalie on the head.
"It's not you bro. I promise," he stated, before clapping his hand on my shoulder.
"I'll be back in a minute," he said before walking out of the room after Esme. I turned to look at Rosalie,
wondering if now would be a good time to ask her.
"Rosalie?" She looked up at me and smiled, so I took it as permission to continue.

"Do you think we could be friends?" I asked, not sure if that was the way to ask someone to be your friend,
but really, how else were you meant to know unless you asked?
"I would definitely like to be your friend Edward." I smiled widely at her response.
"Bella was right. She said that you would want to be my friend once I had given you all of the facts," I said.
"I like the sound of this Bella girl. What's she like?" I smiled and launched into a conversation of what I
knew about Bella Swan. Not only did I have a new friend who was also Emmett's girlfriend, but I was able
to talk to her about another friend that I had. My life had certainly changed in the past few hours.

~*~

Chapter Seven ~ Revaluating

BPOV
I fidgeted in the uncomfortable leather chair, wincing as the friction between my jeans and the material
caused an awful creaking sound to echo through the virtually silent office. Mr Banner, however, did not
seem fazed by it as he simply continued to scan through my proposal. I was nervous. It had taken me longer
than anticipated to locate my advisor's office, making me almost ten minutes late for my appointment.
Luckily, Mr Banner seemed pretty relaxed, waving off my constant apologies, and ushering me into the
office. The office was comforting. Two leather chairs sat opposite a long desk and the far wall was reserved
for row upon row of books. He had immediately asked me to outline what I had chosen to do as my
research project, and I had launched into a brief explanation of the subject matter, aims and references I
would use. Once I had finished, he said nothing, simply asking for my written proposal. He had been looking
it over for the past five minutes, and I could not help but feel anxious. His face had remained impassive
from the moment I'd begun speaking, so I had no idea if my proposal was being received well. I was
knocked from my thoughts as Mr Banner cleared his throat, placed my notes upon the desk and turned his
attention towards me.
"This is good," he remarked, gesturing towards the papers, as a surge of relief flew through me. "I like the
emphasis you have placed on Sensory Integration Disorders in relation to body position and social aspects
that you have observed within the teaching environment. Considering that you have chosen to observe a
child who is in the process of speech therapy, it would be interesting to see how much he will develop
within the next few months and how readily he uses his new-found skills."
Mr Banner paused and sighed once.
"This is good. It really is Bella. However, I am sorry, but I have to reject the proposal." I stared blankly at
him for a moment, shock and confusion freezing my mind. I could not understand this. I had worked for
hours on Wednesday, making sure that I had explored every avenue to create an interesting assignment
that would be academically sound, meet every criterion asked for and had enough unknown material
within it that I would have to do a fair amount of research before I started. Plus, Mr. Banner had
complimented the idea highly before rejecting it. This left me utterly perplexed.
"Why?" I blurted out. Mr. Banner smiled sadly at me before picking up a folder on the desk, and opening it.

"Bella, do you know how rare it is to find someone of your age with your profession and academic
experience? I can count the students on this course who are as qualified as you are on one hand, and some
of them have a member of their close family who suffers from ASD in some form." I could only watch as he
flicked through the sheets before him.
"You have glowing references from the University of Phoenix, from the principal of St. Michael's school
where you previously worked, as well as the teachers and TA's you worked under. There are letters of
praise for you from the volunteers you worked with at the play scheme for Special needs children for four
years and even accounts from parents of the positive impact you have made on their children's lives," he
announced as my face colored. I really did not see what was so remarkable about what I had done. I had
only followed my interests from a young age, and I loved working with the children I had cared for. I was
proud of it, but I disliked it when people listed my experiences in a way that made me seem like a martyr. I
had just been lucky I had had such great opportunities. However, Mr. Banner was not finished yet.
"You are in the top five percent of students on this course, Bella. In your previous years of study, in every
assignment and test you have taken, you have never received a grade lower than a "B"." At this point Mr.
Banner had broken contact with my credentials and turned his attention back to me.
"In this proposal, you are observing a young child suffering from ASD at the lower end of the spectrum,
while focusing on SID. There is absolutely nothing, about this idea that challenges you in any way. You are
working within the same age group and disorder frame you have always studied, while using your minor in
Audiology to help with the parts of the assignment that are not as familiar to you." Indignation rose within
me, as well as the need to defend the work I had done to prepare this piece. My expression must have
betrayed my feelings, because before I could say a word, Mr Banner raised his hands in defense.
"I am not saying this proposal is bad at all, Bella. Quite the opposite. It is well-thought-out and researched,
and if another student brought it to me, I would be more than happy to accept it. Even though you have
only been a student here for a week, I have seen your previous academic work and I can tell that you can do
a lot better than this." I slumped back in my chair, feeling as if I had been slapped in the face. It irked me,
but there was an element of truth to his words. The outline I had picked was not that challenging for me. I
would have to do more research into speech therapy and SID, but I had attended classes on both back in
Phoenix. With a little more work, I could probably write this in my sleep.
"Bella, I am not saying this to annoy you or to make your life more difficult. I am saying this in order to help
you. This project is worth forty percent of your final mark for the year, and is a chance to really show us
what you can do. You are intelligent and have a lot more experience and knowledge than your peers. Use it.
Do something that will make your piece different from all the rest." I knew he was right. I nodded sadly,
feeling a mixture of fear and excitement. Mr. Banner smiled and nodded before grabbing a large black
organizer and flicking through the pages.
"When are you on campus next week?" he asked.
"Tuesday," I replied, waiting for him to find the appropriate page within the book, "I have classes until
three, but I also have a break between twelve and two." Mr Banner nodded.
"Come here right after your class finishes at twelve. I would like to see a new proposal from you then. You
don't have to go into as much detail as you have done for this one since I have not given you much time. I
just need the bare-bones of what you decide to do, because we really should get started on this quickly."
"Okay. I'll see you at twelve on Tuesday then," I replied, standing from the chair with another ear-aching

creak. I collected my belongings and headed to the door as Mr. Banner bid me a pleasant day. As soon as I
left his office and set off towards the parking lot, my heart sunk as realization hit me. I was back at square
one, with no idea what to do for my assignment and a limited time to think of something that would be
deemed appropriate. As I approached the exit of the social sciences building, I groaned. It was now pouring
down rain. Apparently, Thursdays were not my day.
"Bells?" Charlie called as soon as he walked through the door that evening.
"In the kitchen dad!" I replied as best I could while retrieving the lasagne from the oven. As I began serving
a generous helping, he entered the kitchen.
"You really didn't have to cook Bella," he stated somewhat sheepishly as I turned around and faced him. I
grinned.
"I really don't mind. I actually enjoy cooking, it calms me, crazy as that may sound to you," I said with a
laugh. Charlie smiled as I handed him the plate.
"Well at least you have more of a talent for it than your mother does. Oh, speaking of her, I forgot to tell you,
she called while you were at work yesterday." I grabbed myself a plate of food before following Charlie to
the small table on the other side of the kitchen.
"She did? Do you know why?" I asked. Charlie shook his head.
"Not sure. I didn't talk to her for long," he said as he shrugged offhandedly. I instantly felt guilty for pressing
the conversation. Unlike my mother, Charlie had never successfully moved on since the divorce, and I had a
feeling that he didn't really want to. Although he was now able to speak of her without his voice breaking,
Renee was still a taboo subject.
"Okay, thanks, I'll call her later," I said, effectively ending the awkward conversation. The silence that
replaced it was hardly a wonderful alternative. I busied myself with my dinner, trying to ignore the
uncomfortable tension.
"So how do you like Seattle University?" I smiled. It was horrific small talk, but for Charlie, even starting a
conversation was a huge effort.
"It's okay so far. My classes are quite interesting, plus it helps that the other TA's I work with are there. I'm
having a little trouble with my research project though," I finished gloomily. Charlie looked at me
sympathetically.
"I'm sure it will be fine Bells. You're a smart kid. You'll work it out." His fatherly concern was touching.
"Thanks dad," I replied. He nodded, and then suddenly his face dropped, a frown creasing his features.
"Bella, what did you do to your arm?" He asked. I blinked, and then followed his gaze to my left forearm.
"Oh, the bruises?" I questioned, looking down at the five deep purple ovals my top didn't hide. Charlie
nodded.
"They're pinch marks. They'll fade in a few days. I'll just zap when with some cream," I said with a shrug.
Charlie stared at the bruises for a few moments before sighing heavily.

"I really don't like seeing you get hurt, Bella," he muttered, not meeting my eyes. I tried not to groan in
exasperation. I had explained to Charlie that the scratches and bruises were simply part of the job, but I
don't think he understood it. I was so used to Renee taking it in stride that it was hard to remember Charlie
had not dealt with this for nine years.
"I'm fine dad. Honestly," I assured him. He nodded, but I knew he was unconvinced. I don't know if he'd
ever get used to seeing his little girl hurt and accepting that it was part of the job. Charlie glanced at his
watch before looking up at me apologetically.
"Do you mind if I take this into the other room? There's a game on in a few minutes," he asked. I smiled and
shook my head.
"No, go ahead. I'll just finish this and call mom, then I'll be in to watch it with you," I said, attempting to act
like the dutiful daughter. Charlie smiled at my willingness to spend time with him before taking his
half-eaten dinner into the living room. I managed a couple more bites before giving up, rinsing off my plate
and putting the left over's into the fridge. I picked up the phone from the hallway, dialing the familiar
number as I made my way upstairs. It only rang twice before my mother answered.
"Hi Mom," I said, surprised at the longing I heard in my voice.
"Sweetheart! How are you, baby? I haven't spoken to you in days!" I blinked as a few stray tears pricked at
my eyes.
"I'm good. I've just been dead on my feet," I explained, falling down on my bed.
"I would guess, starting at a new University and job in the same week. How's it all going?" I smiled to myself
at her enthusiastic tone.
"Great. The school is amazing; I've never seen anything like it before. Everyone on the staff is so wonderful,
and I have the most adorable kids in my class. There are two other girls who are TA's, so I'm not on my own
either," I explained happily.
"That's great, sweetheart. How about your studies?" she asked. I hesitated, the project still weighing down
on my mind.
"It's okay," I said finally.
"What's happened, Bella?" Renee asked instantly. It appeared that even via the phone she could tell I was a
terrible liar. With a sigh I launched into an explanation of my morning.
After a few choice words about Mr. Banner, Renee calmed down enough to ask, "Do you know what you're
going to do?"
I grimaced.
"I've been thinking about it all day, but I haven't come up with much. There is a little girl in the school with
Rett's, but I have absolutely no experience in that field, so I am slightly hesitant to take on something like
that. I don't know what to do."

"Bella, sweetie, the answer will come to you. Just give it time." I closed my eyes and wished for the first time
that I was back at home, in the world in which I was comfortable. I knew I had to cease thinking that way,
so I swiftly changed the topic. Yet it was odd that by the time I had said my goodbyes to my mother, I felt
somewhat more positive than I had before, even though nothing had really been resolved.
It appeared that I was not the only one who had been demoralized regarding their research project. As I
took my seat in the staff room, Alice and Angela automatically launched into complaints about it.
"I have to do a comparison within the spectrum," Angela moaned, sending me a grateful smile as I offered
her one of the brownies I had made the night before, "This is the first time I've worked with kids who have
ASD and they want me to observe someone who is low on the spectrum," Alice sighed heavily.
"I have to spend next week learning how to use and epi pen, because the boy I'm observing is allergic to
almost every food group under the sun. I really hope I don't have to use it though, the idea freaks me out.
Plus I have to re-draft my outline because my advisor doesn't think I have enough material," she added.
"You'll be fine with an epi pen," I assured her, "Needles are my worst nightmare, but epi pens are fine for
me." Alice didn't look particularly consoled by this. Angela turned to me.
"Did you have any more luck?" she asked. I snorted.
"My entire outline got rejected."
"What!" Angela and Alice cried simultaneously. I smiled sadly and once again recounted the meeting with
Mr Banner. Once I had finished, Alice attempted to offer me comfort and advice while Angela stayed oddly
quite.
"There has to be something that you can do," Alice said, her brows drawn in concentration, "I'm sure that if
you talked to Mrs Cope you could help me in the older classes," she said helpfully.
I sighed. "I would, but I am going to specialize in young children when I leave here, so I need all the
experience I can get. I was thinking about Lucy in class two who has Rett's, but I'm worried I'm too
under-qualified for it."
"How about Edward?" Alice and I froze and turned slowly towards Angela. She smiled impishly before
beginning her explanation.
"Think about it, Bella. He would be completely different from any of your past assignments. He's not a child,
and he is also not learning to cope with his AS, but is living his life having learned as a child how to deal
with his condition. You could approach it from a completely different angle, examining what techniques he
was taught as a child, how effective they were and what effect they have on him now that he's an adult." I
was hooked. As soon as Angela had spoken, a dozen angles and ideas flew to mind as to how to approach
this. It would take a lot of private research, yet I knew I could do it. I had worked with many children who
had different degrees of AS, so it would be within my field, but I had never actually worked with an adult
who was living with the condition. Of course, there was the added bonus of spending more time with
Edward. Also, with the project as an incentive, I could hopefully help his social interactions.
"I'm not sure..." Alice said slowly, her eyes darting nervously between Angela and me. However, I was sold
on the idea, and my stubbornness crept through. I smiled at Angela.

"It is a good idea," I replied, before turning to address Alice. "Alice, you know as well as I do there is very
little research into adult Aspergers Syndrome. By writing something like this, it could spark off more
interest about the subject. It could also help Edward. I mean, considering that the University externally
grades the projects, you never know who might read it." I could see she was wavering, but her
overprotective nature towards her little brother was strong.
"How about I ask Edward later and see what he thinks?" I offered, "If he doesn't like the idea, then I won't
press it any further." It seemed like this was the correct thing to say, because Alice nodded slowly, and I
could not help the grin that spread across my face. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Angela smiling as
well, and as the conversation moved on, I made a mental note to question her motivation later. It was
almost the end of lunch when Alice made an announcement.
"I think we should go out tomorrow night. This week has been crap for all of us, and I for one seriously
think a drink or ten is in order!" I shook my head.
"Underage," I said, pointing to my chest. Alice rolled her eyes.
"It doesn't matter. They don't have bouncers at the door until after ten, so as long as we're early you'll be
fine. Plus Ang's boyfriend works at the bar, so we never get ID'd anyway." I wrinkled my nose. I wasn't a fan
of drinking. Alcohol was not my friend. The few times I had tried, I only needed three drinks and I was on
the floor. I was completely prepared to politely refuse, yet I was defenseless against Alice's imploring gaze.
"Please Bella," she cajoled, gazing up at me, "It won't be the same without you there. You can even stay at
my house. My mom is away and my dad is working night shifts this weekend, so they won't mind. Please?"
"Fine," I moaned, throwing my hands up in defeat. Alice squealed and hugged me tightly, then excitedly
began chattering about her plans for the night before rushing off to call Jasper before returning to class.
Angela and I laughed at her impatience before slowly making our way towards class three.
"Ang, are you sure it will be alright with me being there?" I asked. Angela looked at me strangely.
"Why would you think it wouldn't be?" she asked. I sighed, feeling slightly ashamed of my insecurities.
"I don't want to be in the way if you and Alice want to spend time with your boyfriends," I muttered.
"Oh Bella, it's not going to be like that at all!" Angela assured me quickly, "I'll barely see Ben all evening.
He'll be real busy, so it will be you and me anyway. I need you there." I threw her a look that begged for an
explanation.
"Alice doesn't do anything half-way, and that includes drinking," she explained. I laughed, and assured her
that I would not be having more than one at the most. She seemed relieved and pledged she would do the
same. We continued in silence for a moment.
"So you're seeing Edward tonight?"
"Yes," I replied, suddenly remembering that I needed to ask her about. . "What, exactly, were you trying to
do when you made the suggestion in front of Alice about Edward?" Angela laughed. "It was a good idea
though, right?"
I couldn't deny it. "Yes, it really is. The minute you said it I knew it was right."

Angela smiled. "Then let's just say it worked on two counts. You have something to do for your project, and
it helps move things along...in other areas." I stopped just outside of class three as Angela continued inside.
Moving what on? What was there to move? I decided to stop thinking about it. I had better things to
concern myself with, including my time with Edward in a few hours. With that thought in mind, I entered
class feeling a lot lighter.
"... so we had finished restoring the car to its original state earlier than we had intended, and we were able
to take it on a test drive. Rosalie was the one who had done most of the work because it had been her
project and it wasn't right of me to interfere, but she insisted that I help in repairing the engine, so I could
not refuse her because Rosalie was including me and it would be terribly rude of me not to help someone
when asked. Rosalie is exceptionally knowledgeable, especially for a person who did not study engineering,
so I was impressed, and Rosalie..."
That was the sixty third time he had said her name in fifty four minutes. He had been talking about helping
her to successfully restore a car. Or at least that's what I assumed he was talking about. The conversation
had gone over my head long ago. Evidently my advice went over better than I thought, because it was clear
that Rosalie and Edward were now good friends. I should have been happy for him because, due to my
advice, he had widened his social circle and connected with another person. Instead, I found myself
tempted to stab myself in the eye with a sharp object in a jealous rage. I then began feeling guilty that I was
jealous over Edward having another female friend, because I had no right or reason to be jealous. I was his
friend as well. Then he would say 'Rosalie' and the jealous-guilt-chastise cycle would start once more. I
really hoped that we would not be spending the remainder of our time together talking about her.
However, I was not going to interrupt his speech. The last time I had interrupted him, he reacted in violent
confusion. However, I found myself slightly more afraid that if I interrupted him now, he would simply start
his tale from the beginning.
"Oh, we need to go." Before I had a chance to comprehend his sentence, he had taken me by the hand and
led me out of the music room. He smiled, not letting go of my hand as he led me along the corridor. I did not
object.
"We must leave now so that we may have enough time to do all I have planned. There is a strict time limit
on what we are doing and I do not want to miss it."
"What are we doing?" I asked as we left the school and I came face to face with a shiny silver Volvo parked
next to my beaten up vehicle. Edward let go of my hand in order to find his keys and I found myself feeling
annoyed that he had to do that. It was a ridiculous reaction, but I could not help it.
"I was told that it would be best if I did not tell you our plans .That a surprise would be more fun," he
replied. I frowned.
"Who told you that?" I asked in confusion.
"Rosalie," he stated happily as he opened the passenger door for me. His retort left me angry and upset. I
felt as if Rosalie was now intruding on my relationship with Edward, taking part of him away from me. I felt
somewhat... possessive of him, seeing as I was the first person who had tried to reach out to him. If it had
not been for me, she would have not even bothered speaking to him.
"I hate surprises," I hissed to myself, glaring out of the window.

"You do?" I whipped my head around to see Edward sitting next to me in the driver's seat, looking utterly
crestfallen. I closed my eyes, mentally kicking myself. I was acting like a complete idiot when all Edward
was trying to do was be a good friend. I did not deserve his friendship.
"I'm sorry," Edward whispered.
"No, Edward, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that," I countered, leaning forward so that I could try and
capture his gaze. I backed away as he suddenly lifted his head, his eyes staring back at me.
"Were you telling the truth?" he questioned. I hesitated for a moment, wishing that I could lie to him. But
there was no way I could betray his trust like that.
"No," I said softly. Edward's face fell.
"Then it is I who should be sorry Bella. I've ruined this evening. I'm a terrible friend."
"No you're not!" I cried, a little louder than I should have, causing Edward to wince. I forced myself to think
rationally and carefully, so that I could salvage what I had potentially destroyed.
"You did not know that I didn't like surprises, and in a way, that is what this evening is for. We are starting
to get to know each other. So now you know a little more about me. You are not a bad friend, and the
evening is not ruined," I stated forcefully. Edward was quiet for a moment.
"So, if I told you the arrangements for the evening, then it would no longer be a surprise and you would not
hate it?" he asked. I sighed, relief calming me.
"Yes, that's right." Edward still seemed hesitant as he turned to me, explaining exactly what we would be
doing at what time, and what time we would return back. As he spoke, my smile grew and grew until I was
sure that my face would soon split at the seams.
"Do you like the idea? I know that you are new in town so I expected that you would not have been there
before and I asked Rosalie and Emmett if it was a good idea and then Rosalie suggested the restaurant, and
I made reservations, so if you don't like it you need to tell me soon because if we don't leave in the next
minute, our schedule will be ruined," he explained almost frantically.
"Edward, it is the best idea anyone has ever had in a long time!" I exclaimed, pulling at my seat belt as I
spoke. "Let's go, I can't wait!" Edward laughed and nodded happily before starting the car and tearing out
of the lot. It appeared that Edward's schedule involved exceptionally fast driving.
I was in awe. I stared out at the lights of the city, the wind whipping around my face as we stood on the
outdoor viewing area of the observation deck of the space needle. Edward had booked us seats at the
SkyCity restaurant, and we were killing time until we could go and eat. Edward stood close to me,
practically touching me, setting my senses alight. He had been whispering facts about the history of the
space needle to me since we had arrived on the deck.
"It was only considered a historic landmark in 1999, even though it was built in 1962. It can withstand
earthquakes up to 9.1 on the Richter scale and has been used in many films and television series, and is
even the setting for Chuck Palahniuk's novel Invisible Monsters."
"It's beautiful," I whispered, feeling somewhat intoxicated by my surroundings and the presence of the man

behind me.
"It is an impressive piece of Architecture," Edward agreed. I closed my eyes and shook my head in
amusement. I turned to look up at Edward, who carefully stared back at me, warily keeping eye contact.
"Thank you for taking me up here, Edward," I whispered, feeling as if using my full voice would ruin the
perfection of this moment. I had been in a dream-like state, and would have been more than happy if I
never awakened. I could stay in this place, with Edward so close to me and be contented for eternity. My
heart raced as Edward leaned closer to me. For a moment I could see it all, like a vision. He was leaning in
and kissing me softly with all the emotion in his eyes that he could not convey with words.
"You're welcome Bella," he whispered, and in the next moment, he was gone, the dream broken as he
insisted that it was time for us to move on to dinner.
During dinner, I attempted to engage myself in his explanations of how the tower was the amalgamation of
two different designs, yet I was too concerned with my own imagination. I had just wished for Edward to
kiss me. I had wanted it. I wanted him in a way that I had never thought of before. Up until this point, I had
been admiring him physically, but never had I seen him in a specific romantic light. My ideas were
backfiring on me. The more I got to know Edward, the more progressive and specific my thoughts of him
became.
I learned a lot about Edward in the few hours we spent together. Dinner had been wonderful, both of us
indulging in Italian cuisine, a love of which we both shared. I had explained to Edward exactly why I had
gone into teaching special needs children, and he in turn had explained his love of complex machinery that
had lead him on a path to engineering. His eyes flashed when he was excited, darkened when passionate
and glittered in elation, even when his voice remained constant.
His favorite novel was Apostolos Doxiasis' Uncle Petros and Goldbach's conjecture for its mathematical basis
and reliance of theory, while I defended the transcendent romance of Wuthering Heights. We were united in
our hatred of country music, but divided in our views on heavy metal.
He demanded that we have all three courses for dinner, as that was what one should do on an evening out. I
in turn had demanded that he share dessert with me because I could not possibly eat the cheesecake by
myself and wasting food was impractical. As we shared the cheesecake, I suddenly noticed we had
unconsciously leaned toward each other.
On our way home, I laughed as he sang along to the radio to almost every song that came on, on the way
back to the school, and joined in with the few I knew. I kept my eyes on his face at all times, watching,
capturing each and every moment and ignoring the feeling of the seat belt cutting into the skin on my neck.
It was perfect. I enjoyed every second, and as I left the car, Edward reminded me that it was my turn to
think up an idea for Monday. His parting words expressed to me how glad he was that we were friends and
I returned the statement. As I watched him leave, I groaned as I realized I never asked him about the
project. I drove home in a daze, too exhausted to do much more than shower and crawl into bed.
That night, I dreamt I was back at the Needle. I stood at the rails, staring out at the sky line as the dawn rose
over the horizon.
"Bella... Bella... Bella..." I turned around, trying to find him, but there was nothing around me. Nothing to
hold on to. I kept spinning, seeking him out, as Edward's voice followed me at every turn until I slipped, the

sky and the buildings swimming past me until the ground moved up to greet me.
I woke with a start, the early-morning light streaming through the curtains. I blinked, my heart rate
returning to normal as the effects of the dream wore off. Turning to the clock, I groaned when I saw that it
was five sixteen AM. I flopped back down and attempted to close my eyes, when it hit me. I stared up at the
ceiling blankly. For once in my life I have absolutely no idea how to react to a situation.
I was falling for Edward Cullen, and there was nothing I could do about it.

~*~

Chapter Notes:
Sensory Integration Disorder/Dysfunction (SID): A neurological condition that affects how a person
processes the five senses, the sense of movement and the positional sense. Those who suffer from it perceive
sensory information abnormally. It can be a diagnosis by itself or as part of other conditions, including ASD.
Rett Syndrome: One of the five conditions covered by ASD. It only affects females, and the symptoms of the
disorder are cognitive impairment and problems with socialization.

~*~

Chapter Eight ~ Conflicting Hearts and Words

BPOV
"The agape version of love is beyond me, and always has been. I do not feel connections to people based on
family relations, long-term friendships or even intimate dating. My emotions and everything they entail are
purely logical in nature."
As the words once again began their cycle through my mind, I cursed my obscenely sharp memory, and my
belief that reading a book of essays at 5 AM would lull me to sleep. I had ended up examining an article by
Robert W. Murray titled "How to love without Emotions," which, despite its positive title, contained less
than hopeful musings. That particular part had been lodged in my brain for the past eight hours, and the
lack of distractions I'd had in the past fifteen minutes did not helped my case.
It was obvious to me, after my early morning revelation, that my feelings for Edward Cullen had grown
beyond the friendship I had originally sought after. How deep these new-found feelings went I was not
certain, and I had little inclination to find out. I had spent the early hours of the morning attempting to
convince myself that, despite the wonderful night we spent in each other's company, it had not been a date.
To an outsider watching us, or someone hearing an account of the evening, they may well have interpreted
it as such, but I knew better. Edward had been the architect of the evening, and his motivations of the night
had been clear. He had taken me to a well-renowned tourist attraction due to the fact I had recently moved
to the area. We had spent the evening getting to know more about each other as friends, in the way that I
had suggested we should. Edward had not envisioned this to be a date; otherwise he would have called it a
date. There was no hidden agenda, no subtle sign that I was missing. Logically, a date could not be called a
date unless both parties believed it was such. So it didn't matter how much I convinced myself, hoped and
imagined it to be, in Edward's mind it was not..
I felt ashamed of myself in a way. Before I had come in to the picture, Edward had never had a friend before.

Although I was striving to become his friend, I was tainting our relationship by my ever-growing
attachment to him. I originally assumed that the physical attraction I felt for him would be the extent of it,
and would be easily overcome. However, the more that I learned about Edward as a person, the more
appeal he had for me, with his physical attributes fading into the background. I liked him for who he was.
For his acute knowledge of so many subjects that kept him interesting and unique. His unwavering
kindness and thoughtfulness. The mystery, the parts of him he kept hidden. Although his conversation was
self-centered, and all that I added had to relate to him or his interests in some fashion, he listened patiently
to all that I said, leaning towards me when I spoke, as if to really appreciate what was being said.
"The agape version of love is beyond me, and always has been."
I felt the urge to bang my hand against my head in order to try and disrupt the loop in which my thoughts
seemed to be caught. Despite Robert Murray's own beliefs concerning relationships, not all those with AS
believed as he did. The spectrum was so varied that each individual with the condition had their own
perceptions of relationships in general. Some craved social situations, such as Edward seemed to, while
others did not have any inclination to even try. There was no reason for me to believe that Edward would
share the beliefs of Robert Murray, yet I should not dismiss the idea completely. If Edward did feel that
having a romantic attachment to someone was not something he would be interested in, then there was
absolutely nothing I could do about it. It would not matter how much I liked him, he would never change
his mind.
It distressed me that I was thinking so deeply of the prospect of having a romantic attachment to Edward.
He had only been exposed to social situations for a week, and while he was progressing well, I should not
be thinking of trying to advance or change our relationship in any way. It was wrong of me to try and
disrupt what he had established. I needed to concentrate on my role in his life as a friend, and in some
ways, a mentor. I hoped that if he accepted my proposal of being the person I observed for my research
project, I might be able to keep to these boundaries I had set for myself. Hopefully.
I was knocked out of my thoughts by a movement in my periphery. I lifted my head slightly and smiled at
the dark-haired statuesque woman who seemed so out of place in the quaint classroom. She shot me yet
another apologetic glance, her grey eyes the exact shade of the small girl's in front of me. Elle had barely
moved in the past five minutes as she stared at the flashcards, her determination to finish the exercise
demonstrated in her lack of movement. It was almost twenty past one now, and I knew her mother felt
exceptionally guilty that I was still here. Elle had been attempting to finish the same exercise for almost an
hour, and threw a screaming fit when her mother had tried to get her to leave. Angela had been helping her,
and would have stayed, except she had a doctor's appointment she could not be late for. Once Angela
explained this to a weeping Elle, she had grabbed on to my hand, and no amount of cajoling from Miss
Linton or her mother had persuaded her to let go. So here I was, sinking in and out of my thoughts as I
waited for Elle to finish. Alice was probably having a fit by now. She had called me at seven this morning
demanding that I follow her to her house after school so that we could spend the day preparing for the
evening. I was too mentally drained to argue that it did not take anyone eight hours to get ready, and had
instead collected all I would need for the evening and flung it in a bag. Angela had promised to let Alice
know what was keeping me and to apologize, but I could still see her in my mind's eye, pacing around the
parking lot in frustration.
Suddenly, Elle caught my attention by vigorously hitting both her palms onto the desk in excitement, then
moving quickly to pat my arms in her haste to catch my interest.
"Okay, let me see," I said clearly. Elle leaned back quickly, and I smiled proudly at her in response.

"Well done Elle, you got them all right." Elle shrieked happily and turned her body as best she could as her
mother moved forward.
"Great work, baby," she whispered to her as Elle gripped her mother's hair softly in affection. Despite her
mother's pristine appearance, she had no qualms about her child messing it up. Elle let go after a few
seconds and her mother turned to me.
"Thank you so much Bella," she said. I shook my head and stood, collecting the flash cards as I went.
"It's honestly no problem," I replied with a shrug. Her mother sent me one more grateful smile before
walking behind Elle and clutching hold of the handles of her wheelchair.
"Goodbye Bella, I'll see you on Monday," she said clearly and perfectly. Elle shrieked once and waved
enthusiastically with both hands.
"Goodbye Mrs Carver, goodbye Elle. Have a good weekend," I replied, waving at Elle in return. As soon as
they departed from the room I hastily began collecting my belongings and clearing up the room, before
running towards the parking lot. Alice was leaning on an expensive-looking yellow car and grinned when
she saw my approach.
"Did you run here?" she laughed, taking in my flushed appearance.
"I'm so sorry I'm late," I said, breathing heavily. Alice waved off my apology instantly.
"It's not a problem. C'mon, let's go! Ben's dropping Ang round at seven, so we haven't a moment to lose!" I
glanced at her with raised eyebrows.
"Alice, I really don't think it's going to take me that long to get ready," I commented. Alice huffed.
"We'll see about that," she muttered, and I found a surge of irrational fear spreading through me as at her
threatening tone. I shook it off and we both clambered into our separate cars, Alice leading the way as we
exited the school.
The house was beautiful. Located down a long drive not too far away from the school, it had an element of
privacy despite being so close to the city. It looked so modern, that I got the impression it had been
personally designed for the Cullen family.
"Your house is amazing," I said in awe, causing Alice to giggle.
"It has its charm. I'll give you a tour in a minute," she said. I nodded, but before I could say anything more, a
door to the left of us opened. Out from the room walked a blonde woman, almost a foot taller than myself,
who looked as if she had just came straight off the catwalk. Her huge icy eyes caught our presence, and with
a flick of perfect ringlets, she turned her attention to Alice.
"Back from work?" she asked, in a tone that blatantly stated she did not care about the answer. Alice
nodded curtly.
"Yes. Rosalie, this is my friend Bella. Bella, this is my brother's girlfriend, Rosalie." Rosalie smirked down at.
"Ah yes. The girl who hates surprises," she stated mockingly. I colored, and suddenly took a great interest in

my shoes. Now I understood the reception. This was the Rosalie Edward had spent almost an hour talking
about. The Rosalie who was interested in mechanics and restored cars. The Rosalie who helped Edward
create a wonderful evening that would be forever in my mind. The Rosalie who looked like she had been
airbrushed at birth.
"Hi," I mumbled pathetically in response. Alice seemed as eager as I was to exit this eerily perfect woman's
company.
Alice said hurriedly, "Well, we'd better get going. Come on Bella." Without another word, Alice marched in
the direction of the staircase, and I followed eagerly in her wake.
"Remember! 9:30!" Rosalie called before disappearing back from where she had come. Alice muttered
something under her breath as we continued on our ascent, before turning to address me.
"Sorry about her. Rosalie's a bitch. Only Emmett, and for some strange reason Edward, can really tolerate
her. Just ignore her, it's what I do."
"Is she coming tonight?" I asked, recalling her parting words. Alice grimaced as we reached the landing.
"Unfortunately. She and Emmett heard me discussing our plans with dad and Emmett insisted they go with
us. Rosalie is driving so I'm being polite today." I sighed and followed Alice as she led me towards the first
door on the right. We both paused as the door at the end of the corridor opened.
"Hey Edward!" Alice called. My heart skipped a beat as Edward appeared in the corridor, barefoot and hair
tousled. Adorable. He approached us slowly, tipping his head to the side as he noticed me behind his sister.
"Hello Alice, welcome home. Bella, why are you here?" he demanded. I opened my mouth to answer, but
Alice was faster.
"She's coming out with us tonight, so I invited her to get ready here. She'll be staying the night here as well,"
Alice informed him. Edward blinked, remaining characteristically expressionless before nodding slowly.
"Yes, that is far more practical than driving home late at night," he agreed in a way that seemed
authoritative and final. Suddenly he reached out and grasped my arm, as he always did, tugging me along
towards his room.
"Bella, I need to show you..."
"HEY!" Alice yelled, making Edward wince and drop my hand as if burned. I spun to face Alice, sending her
an irate glare. She glanced apologetically at me before turning to her brother.
"I'm sorry Edward, it was wrong of me to yell, but Bella is my guest today, so you can't just pull her away
like that. It's rude."
Oops. I had been indulging Edward by allowing him to pull on my arm whenever he wanted to direct me
somewhere, and his sister was now chastizing him for his inappropriate actions. This is what happens when
you allow your heart and hormones to rule over your head I mentally scolded myself. Edward simply nodded
at Alice's explanation.
Before the idea had really formed in my head, I found myself turning to Alice and saying, "Actually, Alice, I

really do need to talk to your brother about something important. I don't need to start getting ready for a
long time, and I don't want to get in your way, so I could spend time with Edward now and then with you
later. That way I get to spend time with both of you," I said, encompassing both of them in my gaze. Alice
rolled her eyes.
"Fine, but I will be coming to get you later," she promised before skipping off into her room and shutting
the door firmly behind her. I turned back to Edward, offering him a smile, yet he simply stared at me for a
moment. Just as I began to feel worried and uncomfortable, Edward suddenly gently took my hand once
more and drew me towards his room.
"Interesting," he whispered to himself. Before I could think about what he found so interesting, we had
reached his room and he pushed the door open.
"Please come in," he said graciously, holding the door open for me. I thanked him before entering, hearing
Edward close the door behind us. His room was beautiful, facing into the foliage that surrounded the house.
The room was painted simply, white walls and ceiling, and a large shag gold rug covering most of the floor
boards beneath. His bed was huge, and I found myself blushing and looked away quickly. I gasped as I
noticed the vast collection of music and electrical devices that covered one wall.
"You wished to speak with me?" I whipped round and bit my lip as I saw Edward sitting in a rocking chair I
had not noticed before, smiling pleasantly as he rocked back and forth.
"Oh... yes, I do," I replied somewhat awkwardly, taking a seat on the rug. It felt strange not being at the
same height.
"Go ahead then," he encouraged, looking very relaxed as he continued to rock. I cleared my throat.
"As part of my degree, I have to write an extended research project in which I have to observe at least one
person who has a condition within the spectrum. My professor did not like the original idea I came up with,
and I was hoping that, if you wouldn't mind, you could help me by being the person I observe," I said
slowly. My eyes followed his motions as he contemplated my proposition.
"Of course, Bella. As your friend, it is my job to help you when you need me. I would be more than happy to
help with your project if I can."
It took every ounce of control I had not to leap into his arms. Instead I opted for a jaw shattering smile.
"Thank you so much, Edward. You really are a wonderful friend," I announced, practically bouncing in
excitement. Edward seemed elated at my exclamation, his smile mimicking my own.
"What do I have to do for this project?" he asked curiously.
"Well, I haven't put together a complete outline, but I am going to write about how much of an influence the
teachings you received as a child helped you understand the world as you do now and how you became the
functioning adult you are today," I explained. Edward leaned forward in the chair, nodding along as I told
him what I was planning.
"I can answer those questions," he replied, "Do you want to ask a few now? We have time." I was somewhat
taken aback by his enthusiasm, but did not refuse when he was being so forthcoming. I agreed and pulled
out a notebook and pen from the bag I had brought with me. Edward sat patiently and inexpressively,

waiting for me to organize my thoughts. Not having planned anything further than asking if Edward would
agree to help, I stared around his room vaguely for inspiration. My eyes flickered back to the stash of music
and a thread caught hold in my mind.
"Music is one of your special interests, correct?" I asked. Edward nodded.
"That is correct. Primarily piano," he replied.
"How did you discover this?" I asked. Edward contemplated, rocking slightly harder in the chair as he
thought.
"My mother noticed that I responded intensely to classical music as an infant. I was diagnosed with AS at
six years old, and started attending Meadow View Academy soon after. It was during a music lesson that I
first tried playing a simple tune. Apparently they could not remove me from the instrument. Esme once
recalled that she had to be called in from work because I was so distraught at not being permitted to
continue to play. My actions were uncalled for, but I was young and did not fully understand and was not as
accustomed to listening to reason as I am now. I have made reparations, so it no longer matters how I
acted. Soon after, my mother allowed me to get piano lessons and even bought me a baby grand," he
explained.
"So your family are ready to facilitate your interests?" I questioned, my pen flying across the paper as he
spoke.
"Yes. They recognize its importance to me even, though they do not understand it. My schedule has always
revolved around my music lessons and allotted time that I must play, as I cannot have a day go by where I
do not practice or compose for the correct amount of time. My family knows this. They help me find music
that I can play and often give me recommendations of artists I may wish to listen to. Their tastes in music
are not sophisticated. They do not choose well and I often become irritated they do not understand what
real music is, but I recognize they are trying to be kind." I stopped in my writing to stare at the rows of
plastic cases.
"How are these organized?" I asked curiously, as there was no question of there being an order of some
sort.
"By year and then frequency that I listen to it within the time frame," he responded. I had to say I was
surprised. I had expected a somewhat more rigid system, yet I suppose it did make logical sense. I tended to
leave my most listened to CD's on top of the player so that I could reach them easily. Essentially the same
idea.
"Do you want to take a look at them? You seem somewhat fascinated, Bella," Edward suggested. I smiled
and placed my notebook on the floor, and got up, submitting to my curiosity. Walking to the nearest shelf, I
found myself able to recognize a few titles. The shelf ended after this row of CD's, so I was sure this was
2009. It was near the end of the row when I came across the brown label I knew so well. Hearing the gasp
that escaped me, Edward was by my side in an instant.
"Do you not like this?" I asked in shock as I pointed at the CD. Edward pulled it from the case, looking at the
cover and then flicking it over to the track listing.
"Alice bought this for me the other day; I haven't had a chance to listen to it yet. Do you like it?" I nodded
vigorously. To my confusion, Edward handed me the CD.

"Play it," he instructed, "Play the song you like the most." I suddenly felt embarrassed. I did love this CD, but
I was not sure if Edward would share my sentiments.
"Play it Bella. I trust you. Your taste is quite refined. Just please do not sing this time." I couldn't help but
laugh at his last statement as I moved to the CD player, eying his ipod doc and sleek ipod nano with jealousy
as I passed. It took me a few seconds to operate the CD player, yet I soon found myself slipping the disk in
and flicking to track 6. I stepped back , remote in hand, as the melancholic yet determined chords of the
piano sounded. I moved as slowly as I could back to my position on the carpet as the lyrics echoed
poignantly through the room. I looked up at Edward and saw that he had closed his eyes, leaving the chair
to rock with his weight as he absorbed the music and words. I watched him as the song progressed, his
innocence, beauty and complexity shining through as he listened. I attempted to keep my eyes on him, but
as the music progressed, I found myself too absorbed in it to concentrate on anything else. As the chorus
reached its final notes, I found myself closing my own eyes and resisting the urge to sing. Keeping my
promise to Edward, I mouthed along to the second verse.
No one laughs at God in a hospital
No one laughs at God in war
No one's laughing at God
When they've lost all they've got and they don't know what for
No one laughs at God
On the day they realize the last sight they'll ever see
Is a pair of hateful eyes
No one's laughing at God
When they're saying their goodbyes
But God could be funny
At a cocktail party when listening to a good God themed joke
Or when the crazies say He hates us
And they get so red in the head you think they're 'bout to choke
God could be funny
When told he'll give you money if you just pray the right way
And when presented like a genie who does magic like Houdini
Or grants wishes like Jiminy Cricket and Santa Claus
God can be so hilarious.
I opened my eyes as the refrain ended for the second time and the lyrics began their repeat towards the
musical climax. As the chords of the piano delicately increased their beat as the final lines repeated, I
continued to watch Edward, who seemed to have been whisked away by the music. I found myself
desperately wishing that he approved of my choice, wishing he would praise me, set me apart from the
others and their musical tastes. I lifted the remote as the final note rang out, turning off the system. Edward
slowly opened his eyes and regarded me silently.
"That was exceptionally well composed. A simple piano accompaniment combined with lyrics of a serious
and philosophical nature. I approve of your choice." I grinned; feeling relieved at having received such
praise from Edward.
"You continue to intrigue me Bella," he added, and it took me several minutes to calm the flush on my
cheeks. It appeared that my reactions to Edward's words would need some improvement.
"Can you believe that Bella ditched me to spend all afternoon with my brother, Ang!" Alice called from her

en suite. Angela, who was sitting on Alice's bed, caught my gaze in the mirror and mouthed 'yes' in my
direction. I shook my head, grimacing as my hair followed my actions.
"He was helping me with the project, Alice," I replied, "I've already explained this to you." Angela sent me a
thumbs-up sign and I turned to face her, trying to ignore the curtain of freshly straightened hair that was
following me everywhere.
"What is going on?" I hissed at her. Angela simply smiled sweetly at me before picking up the drink Alice
had brought her a few moments ago. She sipped, then instantly choked, glaring at me as I started laughing.
"Alice, how much JD did you put in this?" she yelled. I made a mental note to stay away from my own drink.
Alice re-emerged from her bathroom, her eyes now rimmed perfectly. On seeing me she squealed.
"Bella you look amazing! You should wear your hair down more often; it really suits your face!"
I snorted. "Right. Wear my hair down and have it covered in vomit and tugged off my head by the end of the
day." Alice rolled her eyes and crooked a finger at me.
"Come here," she beckoned, practically forcing me into the bathroom. I stared at the person who greeted
me in the mirror. I was wearing the only dress I owned, royal blue that came in at the waist with a sash and
flared out to hit just above the knee. Alice had loaned me a silver necklace and clutch for the evening after
making Angela tame my hair. It now sat straight and sleek, longer than I had ever seen it, almost reaching
the small of my back. Alice re-appeared in my vision, holding a red bottle.
"What's that?" I asked.
"Gloss spray. It will make your hair shine," she replied, spraying it evenly over my locks and smoothing her
fingers through it. I had to admit it did its job. After a spritz of some sort of perfume, Alice decided we were
all ready, and ushered Angela and me out of the room. As soon as we walked through the door, I turned to
Angela, a frown on my face.
"Are you going to explain now?" I asked. She opened her mouth to speak, when a movement at the top of
the stairs caught her eye.
"Maybe later," she replied, before turning around, mentioning something about her bag not matching. I
found myself unable to truly listen to what she had said as I was too focused upon how Edward was
standing at the top of the stairs, staring. I gulped. He moved towards me slowly, almost studying me as he
moved.
"You look different," he said as he approached me. I wasn't sure if that was a positive or negative remark, or
simply a fact.
"I suppose I do," I replied. Edward continued to look at me, standing exceptionally close to me, so close that
I was sure he could hear my heart in my throat. His nose wrinkled.
"You're wearing perfume," he added, his nose and mouth twisting as if hit by citrus. It must have been
particularly unpleasant for him.
"Yeah, Alice insisted on it. I'm sorry if it makes you uncomfortable. It's supposed to make me smell nice," I
replied, wondering if I should step back.

"No, I like how you smell." I almost choked on nothing at his admittance, my mind having trouble working
out if I had begun imagining scenarios once more. In my confusion, I began babbling.
"Yes, well, I'm not sure that many would agree with you, not that I can actually tell what I smell like, but..." I
froze as Edward reached his hand out and curled around a piece of my hair. I watched, my mouth open as
his fingers ghosted across the strand, his eyes fixated on how it shimmered and changed in tone depending
on the light. He smiled as his fingers smoothed my hair, unaware of my stature and inability to breathe.
"It's so long...It's shiny," he murmured, more to himself than me. Despite this, I answered.
"Alice put something in it." It sounded as if I were being strangled. Edward stopped, and then, to my
amazement, dropped his nose to my hair and sniffed. I waited, unable to form coherent form as he lifted his
head and the strand of hair once more, again twirling it in the light.
"I like it. A lot. It smells like Bella." His voice had taken on a dream-like quality as he continued to be
mesmerized by my new hair style. I felt as if we were in a bubble, secluded and magical, as he continued to
be amazed. It made my heart flutter and my eyes dilate to think that I had done something to make Edward
act like this.
"Edward, what the hell are you doing to Bella's hair? You're going to mess it up!" In an instant, Edward
wrenched his hand away from my hair, tugging it slightly causing me to wince. He met my eyes quickly, and
then dropped his gaze.
"Sorry," he whispered, then disappeared towards his bedroom. I looked down, feeling oddly empty at
Edward's rapid exit. I looked down as Alice approached from behind, smoothing down my hair, to see
Rosalie and a man who I assumed to be Emmett staring up, their eyes trained on my form. Their
expressions were unreadable and complex, and I had the feeling I had either done something very right or
deeply wrong. I was suddenly desperate for the night to begin.

~*~

Chapter Notes:
Song: Regina Spektor Laughing With

Article: How To Love Without Emotions by Robert W. Murray

~*~

Chapter Nine ~ Interference and Insecurity

BPOV
Alice continued to fuss with my hair, seemingly perturbed that I had not allowed her to have her wicked
way with it. In the past few seconds we stood waiting for Emmett to tell Alice's father we were leaving, I
had become exceptionally possessive of the particular strand of hair Alice was raving about. It was the one
connection to the captivating boy who was taking my heart piece by piece, and I was not about to allow
Alice to taint it.

Again, I was dismayed by my own thoughts. I felt like a teenage fangirl, refusing to wash the hand that had
touched her idol, keeping drumsticks and used water bottles as treasures. I was becoming even more
pathetic by the hour.
"Alright kiddies, get your asses in the car!" Emmett bellowed as he re-appeared, his phrasing earning him a
frosty glare from Rosalie. Suddenly, he turned in my direction, a bright smile plastered across his face.
"Bella!" he cried, before throwing his arms around me, squeezing the air from my lungs, "Great to meet you
kid, heard so much about you." I managed to smile as I extricated myself from his hold, commenting that it
was nice to meet him too. Rosalie huffed dismissively, but Emmett appeared not to hear. He led me towards
the car, taking the front seat as Angela, Alice and I clambered into the back. As we peeled away down the
drive, I stared up at the house with longing, a strange empty feeling inside me, as if I had left something
essential behind.
"Can we at least turn on the radio?" Alice begged in a last-ditch attempt to persuade Emmett to her way of
thinking. Unfortunately, her request went unfulfilled as Rosalie decided that this was the last straw,
snapping that they never agree on a station and it always turns into a fight. I sent Alice a sympathetic look.
Fear of Rosalie's wrath prevented me from saying anything out loud. Alice stared at me for a moment,
before sitting up straighter.
"Bella, can I please fix your hair?" she whined. I groaned.
"My hair is fine, I fixed it myself," I replied through clenched teeth. Alice's insistences were grating on my
last nerve. I felt as if she was deliberately trying to remove all trace of Edward from me. My irrational and
foolish idea was only heightened by Alice's next statement.
"I wish Edward hadn't messed it up though, it was perfect until he started interfering," Alice muttered. It
was her use of the word "interfering" that knocked me over the edge. I turned sharply to face Alice as best I
could with the restriction of the seat belt.
"He did not mess up my hair Alice, nor was he interfering in any way. Stop blaming Edward for a problem
that doesn't exist and let it go," I snarled, my tone far more harsh than I had intended. Silence descended
upon the car in the wake of my outburst, and I flushed, turning away from Alice and settling myself back in
my seat. As I strove to look for a distraction, my eyes met Rosalie's in the rear view mirror. I could have
sworn for a second that she smiled, but I decided to look away before I inadvertently caused any further
damage. I heard Alice mutter a low apology, and I nodded my head in acceptance while my thoughts flew
elsewhere.
My protective nature of Edward was clouding my rational mind, not something that I could afford to
happen. I did not mean to snap at Alice, but her words and treatment of her brother affected me hugely. As I
pondered this, I could not help but wonder what Edward would be doing this evening. The Cullen house
was vast, normally populated by at least five occupants, but I had a feeling that Rosalie and Jasper were
frequent guests. With only Dr. Cullen and Edward in the house, I wondered what it would be like for him.
Although those with AS often thrived in solitude, I found myself questioning if anyone had actually asked
Edward is he would have liked to come with us. He was underage, yes, but only by the same degree I was,
and if Alice was certain she could get me into the bar, there would be no question of getting Edward in. I
didn't know if Edward would actually want to drink, or if the thought of being in such a loud place would
set him off, but Edward seemed to crave social situations. He may well have jumped at the chance to be out
with us.

"We're here!" Rosalie's voice sliced through my musings, and I quickly escaped the confines of the car,
breaking free of the tension. I looked up when I heard a low whistle.
"Dang Bella, you clean up good." I mock frowned at Jasper before laughing and hugging him quickly.
"You don't look half bad yourself," I said, but my reply went unnoticed as his eyes found the petite
dark-haired girl behind me. I smiled to myself as Alice approached, she and Jasper exchanging one of their
moments before remembering they were not alone. The two of them seemed to have forged a way of
communicating without words or touch, probably due to the secret nature of their relationship.
"Got some bad news for you guys," Jasper commented as Angela, Rosalie and Emmett approached. He
jerked his thumb towards the door, and I groaned.
"Bouncers," I muttered. Alice looked panicked.
"I swear that's never happened before!" she cried, as Jasper nodded along with her. I felt immensely guilty,
considering the entire night was probably at a standstill because of me.
Rosalie said, "You four go on ahead. Bella and I will join you in a minute." I was certain that my mouth
opened in shock at Rosalie's announcement. Alice seemed as perplexed as I was, but I could tell she did not
want to say anything that might upset her. Emmett kissed Rosalie on the cheek, winked at me and then
threw his arm around Angela's shoulders, practically dragging her towards the bar. I'm certain I would
have laughed at the exchange if I had not been so confused. It also did not escape my notice that Emmett
was deliberately ignoring Jasper's presence. I wondered why.. Alice loitered for a moment, before telling
me firmly that she would see me inside. I watched as Alice was stopped at the door and forced to show ID
to the bouncer. I was totally screwed.
"Stop looking like that." I flinched at Rosalie's remark. She looked down her nose at me, a giant in her blood
red stilettos.
"If you don't act the part, then they'll stop you. You look like a lamb for the slaughter, a little girl dressing up
in her mother's clothes." Annoyance at her words ignited within me and I glared back at her in indignation.
To my surprise, Rosalie smiled. "That's more like it," she announced with a grin. I blinked at her odd tactics,
but appreciated the gesture all the same.
I blushed, "Thanks," I said.
We continued to wait as Alice and Jasper entered the bar.
"I know your secret, Bella Swan." Again, I whipped around to face Rosalie, wondering what on earth she
was implying.
"I'm sorry?" I questioned. Rosalie smiled, showing a row of perfect teeth.
"Your little display in the car there was proof enough, even if I hadn't witnessed your show on the stairs. "
My face flamed at her words, although I did not allow myself to stay silent.
"I don't really understand what you mean by that. I'm hiding nothing," I replied. Rosalie turned
infinitesimally, enough to look at me straight on.

"I know you're not. That's the problem." My pleasant feelings towards Rosalie were slowly dissipating.
Before I could even open my mouth to ask what she was talking about, Rosalie moved forward.
"Time to go," she added, and I hurried my steps in order to catch up with her.
As we approached, she warned, "Don't you dare bite your lip or look at your feet. I swear, if you don't get in,
you can sit in the lot until closing time." Who did she think she was? First that comment about a "secret"
and now threats? I had to grind my teeth together in order to prevent myself from retorting.
"Evening ladies," one of the bouncers greeted with a nod, as Rosalie and I approached. Rosalie flipped her
hair and smiled coyly in his direction.
"Evening," she replied, her voice dripping with seduction. I didn't even attempt to imitate her seductive
tones, opting instead for what I hoped was an attractive smile.
Strangely, it worked.
We passed through the doors without even a blink from the bouncers. As the door closed behind us, and
the warmth of the bar engulfed us, Rosalie turned to me.
"Nice work, Bella. There's hope for you yet," she stated, before strutting off, presumably to locate Emmett. I
was left with the feeling that her comment was not relating to my attempts at flirting.
"Bella!" I turned and saw Angela, Alice and Jasper waving at me from the bar. I grinned and hurried
towards them.
"Any problems getting in?" Angela asked. I found myself smiling triumphantly.
"No, but I think it's more Rosalie's doing than my own," I admitted. Angela nodded in understanding before
moving slightly to the left, drawing my attention to a guy with longish brown hair who was standing behind
the bar.
"Bella, this is my boyfriend Ben," she said, by way of introduction, her eyes lighting up when she said his
name.
"Nice to meet you," I replied.
Ben nodded. "Great to meet you too, I've heard a lot about you from Angie." It was then that I noticed the
odd arrangement of glasses placed on the bar. Five glasses stood in a line, four filled halfway with amber
liquid, the fifth empty and standing upside down. Four shot glasses of dark liquid were placed where each
of the glasses met. Ben saw the direction of my gaze and laughed.
"I take it you've never done a jager bomb before?" he asked. I saw Angela's face twist, and I had a horrible
feeling this was not going to be pleasant.
"Can't say that I have," I responded. Alice clapped her hands, rocking on her feet slightly, eerily reminiscent
of her brother.
"Then I think it's only fair that you do the honors!" she cried, gesturing towards the glasses. Seeing my
confusion, Jasper grinned at me.

"The regular glasses are filled with Red Bull, and Jagermeister is in the shot glasses. If you knock the shot
glass at the end of the row, they'll all fall in, like a domino effect, and then you down it in one gulp." I
couldn't keep the disgusted look off my face as he finished the explanation. This is what people did for fun?
Angela grinned before leaning forward and whispering to me.
"Just don't breathe halfway through, and you'll be fine. If we do this one now, she'll be content and leave us
to our own devises," she explained. I nodded slowly, swallowing the bile that had risen in my throat. The
four of us lined up near our respective glasses, Ben watching us, seemingly amused.
"Go for it Bella!" Alice chirped excitedly. I groaned internally, but quickly tapped the shot glass at the end of
the line, watching them all fall in succession. I grabbed the glass and swallowed, trying not to taste the
mixture. I managed two thirds of the glass before my gag reflex kicked in.
"That is vile," I sputtered, causing the other four to laugh.
"Here," Ben said as he pushed a glass of cloudy yellow liquid towards me, "I think this will probably be
more to your liking." I pulled it towards me and sipped tentatively. It was good, coconut and pineapple. I
turned around, only to see Angela sitting alone at the bar, also sipping at a glass of something less potent. I
slipped into the seat next to her.
"They've left us already?" I said with a laugh. She grinned.
"They don't waste time," she replied, before turning back to Ben. They exchanged a few words before she
leaned in for a kiss. He smiled, waved at me, and then walked off to serve the increasing number of
customers. Angela watched him for a minute before turning back to me.
"I don't think we'll see them until closing time. They're probably trying to avoid Emmett and Rosalie."
I frowned. "Does anyone except you and I know they're dating?" I questioned. Angela laughed.
"I wouldn't use that word for what they are doing, but yes, we are the only ones who know about them.
Alice can be pretty sneaky."
I was still confused. "Why are they keeping their relationship a secret?"
Angela shrugged.
"I'm not entirely sure. It's been like this for months though, and I don't see it changing any time soon." I
mused over her words for a moment, sipping my rum and pineapple distractedly. Suddenly, Angela
grinned, leaning forward and snatching a piece of my hair between her fingers. She burst into giggles when
I stared at her in shock.
"Aww, why don't I get a look of adoration when I do that?" she asked, feigning hurt and dropping my hair.
"I think the drink's gone to your head," I grumbled, although my heated face betrayed me as per usual.
"I just wanted to see if I could get you to look all gooey-eyed," she explained with a shrug.
"Gooey-eyed?" I asked with a raised eyebrow. Angela grinned.

"Gooey-eyed," she confirmed, "You've been looking like that a lot lately, usually when you're talking about a
certain green-eyed Cullen."
She sipped her drink before continuing, "You like him,"
"No." I stated as emphatically as I could.
"Now you're lying," she teased.
"I'm not!" I cried in aggravation. Angela stared at me over the rim of her glass for a second.
"You more than like him."
"I..." I couldn't finish the sentence. I had never been particularly good at lying, and my work with children
who usually didn't understand the concept of lying had made the task almost impossible. Angela sighed and
sat her drink on the bar.
"You have to do something about it," she said. I looked at her in dismay.
"You're kidding right?" Something changed in Angela face at my words.
"I really didn't think that you were that closed-minded Bella. Are you actually one of those people who
think NT's and those with ASD can't have relationships?" she said coldly.
"No!" I shrieked, a little louder than I had intended. Lowering my voice to avoid people staring, I continued
"No, of course I don't. It's got nothing to with that. Ang, before I came along, Edward had never even had a
friend before. I feel bad enough that my intentions are not pure when I look and speak to him. I feel as if I'm
betraying him," I mumbled.
"Bella, friendships change and develop all the time. I know you feel that due to Edward's inexperience in
social situations that you have to be careful with him, and you're right, but don't underestimate him. He's
not a child; he's a twenty year old intelligent male. He just looks at the world in a different way than we do.
You can't let your fears stop you from pursuing something that could be wonderful."
I nodded my head, hearing the truth in her words, but I could not see past my own guilt. I loved the
moments I've spent with Edward, but was almost certain that if he ever realized some of the thoughts I've
had, he would be put off by my less-than-honest intentions. I was striving to be his friend, yes, but it was
becoming clear to me that I wished for our friendship to become a stepping stone to something more. I
pushed my thoughts aside as I head Angela sigh.
"Bella, we'll continue this discussion when I come back," she said sternly, before jumping up and handing
me her bag, "I'm going to the bathroom, save my seat," she instructed. I mock saluted her, causing her to
roll her eyes at me before leaving. I turned my attention back to my drink, thinking about what Angela said
but my musings were interrupted by a man's voice."Is this seat taken?" I jumped then I turned and stared in
confusion at the exceptionally tall guy who was grinning down at me.
"I'll take that as a no then," he replied, sitting. I frowned,

"Actually, I'm saving it for a friend." I replied.

"I'll keep it warm for her then." I rolled my eyes and turned away. A moment passed before the guy next to
me became impatient.
"I'm Jacob," he said. I continued to ignore him. It was rude, but I had already expressed that I was not
interested in him. He didn't seem to take the hint.
"Are you going to continue to ignore me until you're friend returns?" his voice was laced with amusement
rather than annoyance, and despite it all, a smile twitched at my lips.
"In the vain hope you may go away," I replied. Jacob laughed then, loudly, and I gave up trying to ignore
him. I looked at him more closely. He was tanned with dark hair and eyes. He was well-built, but nothing
compared to Emmett, and must have been way over six feet tall. He was attractive, I knew that, but nothing
about him affected me.
"Well, mysterious girl, I'm sad to say that you're going to have the pleasure of my company for the next few
minutes at least. I'd be damn excited about that if I were you."
I snorted, and then covered my mouth in embarrassment. I looked over at Jacob. "You seem to have a high
opinion of yourself," I commented.
Jacob shrugged. "That's what happens when you're as pretty as I am," he replied. I laughed. Was he really
this arrogant, or was he joking? It was hard to tell.
"So, this friend of yours," Jacob began, "Is she a friend, or a 'friend'" he smirked, making air quotes with his
hands.
I sighed. "So what, because I don't seem interested in you, now I'm a lesbian? " I huffed, as his smile grew
wider. He lifted his hands in surrender.
"Did I say anything?" I rolled my eyes at his innocent expression.
"Bella?" I turned to see Angela staring at me in confusion. I grinned at Jacob.
"UP!" I said, gesturing. He frowned.
"I'm not a dog, mysterious girl," he muttered, but did remove himself from the chair. Angela was still
looking at me oddly as I handed her back her bag.
"Shall we find the others?" I asked, ignoring Jacob whose pout I could almost feel from behind me. Angela
seemed to catch on to the idea that I was not particularly fond of the attention I was receiving.
"Rose and Em are playing pool in the back," she replied, gesturing round the other side of the bar. I turned
and waved at Jacob.
"Bye Jacob, it was nice ignoring you." Angela laughed, but Jacob grinned.
"Goodbye mysterious girl. I'm sure I can persuade your friend here to tell me your name later," he said
confidently. Angela laughed.

"I could, but even her name won't help you. Her heart belongs to another," she said dramatically. I glared at
her before dragging her off in the opposite direction, wondering how I managed to meet the strangest
people.
It was almost one o'clock when the four of us returned to the car. Jasper had elected to stay in the bar,
having located a group of friends there, as had Angela, who was waiting until after closing time for Ben to
take her home. As we made our way towards the car, a giggling Alice linked her arm with mine.
"You're going to thank me tomorrow," she intimated, offering me a wink. I grimaced.
"Why, what have you done?" I asked apprehensively. Alice smirked.
"Nothing bad, Bella! I just saw you talking to that cute guy at the bar earlier. I thought I would lend a hand,"
I stopped walking in order to stare at my drunken friend.
"Alice, what did you do?"
"I just gave him your number. I knew you wouldn't make the first move, and he really seems to like you,"
she replied, before skipping on ahead to the car. I increased my pace in order to catch up with her, my mind
racing as I tried to figure out what to do now.
"Alice! I was trying to get rid of that guy! You gave him my personal number without asking me and now
he's going to think that I was just being coy. I found him arrogant and annoying," I said slowly, trying my
best to keep my voice even. She smiled softly at me, and I felt a small amount of my anger melt away.
"I'm sorry, Bella. I was only trying to help."
Alice may be interfering and aggravating, but she did everything out of kindness. All the same, it did not
stop me from moaning in despair. This was a bad time to talk to her anyway. She was completely
hammered. I'd talk to her in the morning.
I climbed awkwardly into the backseat, and ended up having to help Alice fasten her seat belt. Emmett
flopped into the passenger seat, and within two minutes was snoring loudly. Alice seemed to find this
hysterically funny and even Rosalie cracked a grin at the rumblings he created. Just before we reached the
driveway that lead to the Cullen's house, a sleek black car crossed our path, flashing its lights as it went by.
Rosalie lifted her hand in greeting, catching my eye in the mirror as she did so.
"Carlisle," she said by means of explanation, and I realized that it must have been Dr Cullen leaving for the
hospital. I suddenly desperately wished to get back to the house. Edward was now home alone, and
although I knew he was perfectly able to take care of himself, I couldn't help but be anxious. As we parked
in the driveway, I shook Alice awake, watching carefully as she stumbled into the house. I decided against
helping Rosalie with Emmett, since Alice was going to be difficult enough. She knocked into two paintings,
almost smashed a vase and tripped up the stairs four times before we reached the second floor. Each
incident was accompanied by loud giggles that echoed through the otherwise deserted house. I winced
each time, attempting to quietly help Alice on her way to her room. Finally I succeeded, making sure she
was safely in her bed before leaving to find the guest room. Luckily, each of the rooms in the Cullen
household came with their own en suite bathroom, so if the alcohol decided to repeat itself on Alice, she
would not have far to go. It was on my way to the guest room when the sound of a door opening caught my
attention. I turned in time to see Edward stumble sleepily out of his room. He gazed at me for a moment,

rubbing his eyes in order to focus, his hair in complete disarray. I wanted to hug him and tell him to go back
to sleep. He was too cute.
"Bella?" he mumbled, his voice thick and tired. I walked towards him, but kept enough distance between us
so that I would not be too tempted to touch him.
"Yes, it's me Edward. Why are you awake?"
He yawned. "You all woke me up," he said sleepily, his eyes shutting involuntarily. I apologized to him as he
continued to rub his eyes and tried to focus. I couldn't imagine what it was like for him, his senses picking
up far more than the average person's. . Edward suddenly stopped his movements, opting to stare at me
instead.
"Wait here," he said, before turning and walking back into his room, shutting the door behind him. I
blinked, not entirely sure of his motivation, but stayed put. Within a few moments he returned, a bottle of
water in his hand.
"Here," he said offering it to me, "Alcohol irritates the stomach, and often creates feelings of nausea. It also
has a dehydrating effect that can produce pounding headaches in the morning. I don't want you feeling bad
Bella, so please drink the water. It will balance out the effects," he replied clinically. I was touched at his
concern for my welfare. I smiled at him.
"Thank you so much Edward. I'm sorry we woke you. Goodnight, I'll see you in the morning," Edward
smiled back at me sleepily.
"It's alright. Goodnight Bella, sweet dreams,"
I was almost certain that now, they would be.
"Good morning," I called as I walked into the kitchen, feeling as if I were walking on clouds.
"Someone's chipper this morning, Rosalie commented. She was sitting at the kitchen table, a cup of coffee
and a newspaper spread before her, the picture of domestication. I shrugged as I took a seat opposite her at
the kitchen table.
"I didn't have much to drink so I don't have a hangover," I replied as way of explanation. I did not reveal
that my little exchange with Edward had me smiling all night. Rose nodded.
"Emmett's still out cold and snoring. I've been up for hours," she said with a grimace. I laughed.
"I think Alice is probably in the same state. She was terrible last night," I replied. Before Rosalie could
respond, a voice interrupted.
"Well, she would be if she consumed enough alcohol. She deserves no sympathy," Edward stated, walking
through the kitchen door. Rosalie nodded along with him.
"True. Well, I'm going to try and get Emmett up," she replied, glancing at me pointedly as she left. I was not
sure exactly what I was meant to get from the look, but I did not have a chance to contemplate, as a glass of
orange juice appeared in front of me.

"Vitamin C is said to be good for relieving hangovers," Edward commented. I smiled up at him.
"I don't have a hangover, Edward. I only had two drinks."
Edward ran his hands through his hair before replying, "It is still an essential vitamin," he commented. I
nodded in agreement.
"Thank you. Did you sleep well?" Edward nodded, walking back towards the fridge.
"Yes thank you. I hope you did as well?" he replied politely. My smile was a permanent fixture as I spoke.
"Very well. Edward, may I ask a question?" Edward turned toward me.
"You may, but only if I can ask you one first. It is particularly important at this moment in time." I
instinctively sat up straighter.
"Go ahead," I said.
"What would you like for breakfast? I should have offered to make you something earlier. I am sorry that I
did not." His gentlemanly ways would be the death of me. Everything in his mind had an order, including
how to treat guests when in his home. He had been taught exceptional manners. It was a shame that his
wonderful upbringing had not been shown to anyone else until now.
"You don't have to go to all that trouble," I muttered in reply. Edward frowned.
"I want to. I usually cook breakfast on Sundays anyway, so it is no trouble adding your needs to the
equation," he answered. I nodded, letting him know that I would have whatever he usually did.
"What was it that you wished to ask me, Bella?" he asked as he pulled several ingredients from the fridge.
"Oh, yes," I replied, having momentarily forgotten how this conversation began, "It was about your sensory
perception. Is it something that affects you greatly?" After having awoken him last night, I was curious to
understand how deeply he is affected. I would need a detailed indication of this for my project, but my
question, for now, was simply out of curiosity. I wanted to know everything about Edward, including what
would upset and bother him.
"In some ways, yes. My hearing is far more attuned than most NT's, considering that I cannot always filter
out background noises, and I find a few sounds difficult to take. It is, however, nowhere near as difficult for
me as it is for other's with AS. I have issues with sight in that certain colors have different effects on me.
Some intrigue and fascinate me while others disturb me greatly. I cannot stand bright lights. I am hardly
bothered by touch, although I do have a high pain threshold, which has posed problems in the past, such as
burning myself. I have difficulty with certain scents, especially ones that are too artificial or particularly
pungent. The same can be said for taste, in that I cannot stand certain foods. Bella, I need your input in
order to make your breakfast to your personal preference. Could you please come over here?"
It was easy for me to forget in situations like this, that I was doing Edward a great disservice by spending so
much time with him. I thought about Angela's words, and her determination to have me tell him of my
growing feelings, but I just couldn't. He saw me in a certain light, held me in a certain regard, and I did not
want to disrupt that. He had handled the changes that came with allowing people into his life exceptionally
well, and I was afraid that I would lose that dynamic if I confessed.

So for now, this would have to do.

~*~

Chapter Notes:
NT: Neuro Typical
To learn more about AS, read "Look me in the eye" by John Elder Robinson. It tells of his
experiences growing up with AS, and not knowing what it was, as back then they did not have a
diagnosis. It is a wonderful story, and brilliantly written.

~*~

Chapter Ten ~ Hoping

EPOV
Anticipation was not something I was used to.
Everything worked in its own allocated time, occurring when it was meant to. My routine was flawless and
perfectly organized so that each activity of the day was given its appropriate time. In my mind there was no
need to anticipate any event due to how it would occur within the given time frame. My two hour slot on
Monday's schedule would be over in two hours, which equated to 120 minutes, 7200 seconds and 7.2 x
1012 nanoseconds. Yet for some reason, two hours seemed to not be passing in the appropriate manner it
usually did. Each minute and subsequent division of it, was passing far slower than I was used to.
Alice often declared that she could not wait for something, which until now had seemed completely illogical
to me, as I maintained my belief that everything must pass in due time. Yet I found myself wishing that my
two hour piano rehearsal time would pass quicker, but it seemed to be passing slower than usual. Once this
part of my schedule was complete, I would be meeting with Bella when school finished. I assumed that this
phenomenon of time seemingly moving slowly was due to my anticipation to see Bella, which was entirely
possible, I just did not know why and how Bella could be part of this.
It is completely possible for time to move at different rates depending on gravitational potential. Seeing as
time was moving slower at this point, this would mean that Einstein's theory of gravitational time dilation
was coming into play. This theory was established by Einstein in 1907 and later confirmed by other general
relativity tests, which explained that the lower the gravitational potential, the slower clocks would run the
closer they were to a massive body. This theory seemed to suggest that the closer the time moved towards
my meeting with Bella, the lower the gravitational field became, therefore time ran slower.
In conclusion, Bella was a massive body.
This was inaccurate, as Bella was small in height and stature. Also, saying a woman is a "massive body" is
something I should never say out loud, as Dr Cullen warned me never to comment on a woman's size after
an observation I made to one of my teachers as a child.
My theory did not explain it in terms of anticipation. Of course, I could understand why I would anticipate
seeing Bella. She fascinated me in a way that my family had never has. It was her intellect and manner of

thinking that held my attention. I found it difficult to find someone who I could speak with for extended
periods of time. Alice's conversations made me believe she was an idiot most of the time, due to her
inability to stay within the logical confines of a conversation and her rapid speech patterns. Emmett and I
could spend long periods of time together having small conversations, but we were comfortable enough to
have long periods of silence. Esme felt she had to speak when I was around, which was odd because unless
something needed to be said, why say it? She also spoke to me as if I were a child, as if I couldn't grasp
simple concepts, even though my intellect exceeded hers in some areas. I enjoyed speaking with Rosalie
about certain subjects, yet she still had some difficulty with my answers and reactions at times. Dr Cullen
was the most interesting to talk to. He usually had an intelligent remark to make about anything I wished to
discuss, even when he was not familiar with the topic. Yet he was often busy and exhausted due to his
work, so our conversations were not as frequent as I would have liked.
Bella interested me constantly. She was interested in all I had to say and show her, and her conversation
was not dull or ridiculous. She was the only person I had ever met who not only agreed with my taste in
music, but could open my eyes to artists I'd never heard of that I wound up enjoying immensely. She always
had something new and interesting to say, which is a rare quality in people. The way she managed her time
between me and Alice on the evening they were going out was a completely logical way to appease us both.
This shocked me because she thought of the solution before I did. She had out-smarted me, which is a rare
occurrence.
She could also teach me. I gravitated towards her because she had certain knowledge that I did not. She
knew how to react to people, their emotions and body language, as well as in social situations. She did not
condescend to me, or speak to me as if I were mentally challenged, but simply explained the concepts to me
patiently, in terms I could understand. She made everything easier. I liked that feeling. It was almost as if
when I was around her, I was less Aspie, and more socially able and connected. I was intrigued with how
she saw the world and coped within it.
I had also noted that Bella was an aesthetically pleasing woman. It did not enter my mind at first,
considering that physical attributes are not what I notice first in people, unless it was particularly obvious,
as in a movie star or model. It is only after closer inspection that I noticed certain things about Bella. She
was pale, naturally so, which somehow made her look far more feminine and made her facial features
clearer. She did not wear heavy makeup or do anything else to make herself look artificial, as many women
did. It made no sense when women went through that kind of trouble, such as changing their eye color, hair
color and even basic bone architecture in order to fit some sort of prototype. It was illogical; people were
born due to genetics in order to attract a mate. Evolution only allowed the dominant traits to survive, thus a
person should be most attractive in their natural form. Bella most certainly was. It was her hair that struck
me the most, but I had always been oddly fascinated by long hair. Esme and Alice had learned long ago to
keep their styles short, away from my fascinated glance. Bella's had been particularly intriguing, shining,
changing hue with every turn, hypnotically moving as she walked. I knew that I had overstepped social
norms when I had touched it, but I had to. It was pleasing to touch, soft but not overwhelmingly so. I liked
her hair a lot.
I found that, as my thoughts flew to Bella, my hands created a melody on the keys. An interesting reaction,
yet one I explored for the remaining time on my schedule.
Bella was prompt, as I had come to expect, yet she did not greet me as she normally did. Instead, she
entered after knocking , staring at her phone as she walked in. I did not quite understand.
"Bella, is there something the matter?" I questioned, hoping that if there was, I could be of assistance. I
enjoyed being able to help her. She looked up, her cheeks turning rosy, which I believe to be

embarrassment displaying itself. I was not quite sure what elicited such a reaction from her.
"I'm sorry Edward, I was distracted. Everything is fine. How are you today?" she asked. I smiled, relieved to
hear that nothing was bothering her.
"I am fine thank you. What are we doing today?" I asked, seeing as it was her turn.
"Well, I was wondering if you wouldn't mind answering a few more questions for me... for my project,"
Bella's cheeks flushed yet again, and I found myself nodding in reply. I liked being able to speak to her of
my past experiences. I did not have to dumb anything down, considering she already had an extensive
knowledge of AS, yet there were still elements I could teach her. It was almost a trade off for the social skills
she could teach me. I also enjoyed being able to help her in any way I could, as friends do for each other.
"Of course, but do you mind if we go for a walk as we do?" I asked, believing that she would be bored in the
confines of the small practice room. Thankfully Bella seemed to be pleased with this arrangement, and we
left the building in high spirits together.
"So, engineering is another of your special interests?" Bella asked, the soles of her feet scraping across the
ground as she sat on a swing. We had decided to walk around a nearby park, one that I had frequented as a
young child. I had led Bella around the park, as I knew the way, yet she displayed an odd yearning for the
swings as we passed. Wanting to keep her happy, we had stopped at the swing set, using them as seats as
she posed her questions. It was not their proper function, and I felt somewhat uncomfortable, but
considering that Bella seemed to be at ease, I would just have to endure it.
"Not specifically. My special interest is machines in general. Engineering is simply a way to incorporate it
into something which is acceptable in normal society."
Bella nodded. "You're lucky in that respect. Many others cannot use their interest for anything practical,"
she replied. I nodded agreeing.
"How long have you been interest in machines?" she asked, leaning back and swinging, her head tipped
towards the sky. I was momentarily distracted by her pony tail, as it dipped down her back, reminiscent of
the length of her hair when let loose. I closed my eyes in order to filter my thoughts.
"Not as long as piano, although it started in a similar manner. I was in my second year of school. Alice and
Emmett had been playing outside when Emmett stood on her Barbie convertible. She cried, and begged
Esme to fix it. Esme tried, but couldn't. She left it on the side of the kitchen, saying that she would have to
wait until Dr Cullen returned from work. When Esme took Alice out of the room, I took a look at the toy, just
out of interest. However, I saw what was wrong with it, and managed to fix it myself. It took me a few
hours, longer I am sure than it would have taken Dr Cullen, but I managed,"
Bella's face broke into a small smile as I spoke. I smiled back and leaned on the swing, finding comfort in
the motion that was so much like rocking.
"So you were hooked?" she asked. I nodded happily.
"Yes, I find machinery comforting," I admitted. Bella turned to me fully, studying me, but not in a way that
made me uncomfortable.
"Comforting? Why is that?" she asked. I frowned, staring off at the distance, not really looking at anything

so as to not distract myself. The question was perplexing, in that I had never really given much thought to
it. I felt more comfortable with machines than I did with people. I just knew that others did not look at
machines in the same way as I did. At first, I simply thought that other people were stupid. I could not see
that there was any other way other than my own thinking, and found it difficult when others contradicted
this. Yet I have since learned that they were not stupid or wrong. My brain just works on a different level.
"Machines are simple. They have a purpose and if put together correctly, they perform this purpose. It's all
logical. I can fix a machine when it is broken, and I feel satisfied when I have completed my task, because I
have now made it function properly, the way it's supposed to. It is like mathematics. There is only one
answer. Yes, the way one can achieve this answer can differ, yet the answer is either right or wrong. It is
simple, unlike people. People do not make me comfortable," I replied, dropping my eyes at my admittance. I
did not like people knowing my weaknesses, yet I felt that Bella would not use this information in a bad
way. Instead, she swung slowly, turning to face forward. I could turn my head then to watch her.
"Yes, people are not easy, Edward. They have secrets, hidden agendas. They lie, and they cheat and live in
shades of grey. The do illogical things rather than choose the straightforward path. There is no right answer
for a person, and there is no simple fix for them if they are broken."
I did not like the turn this conversation had taken. "Yes, people are not simple. They are complex, and I do
not understand them. I can't fix them like a machine, but even if they are broken, they have to be because if
one does not feel broken, one cannot know what it is like to be fixed. There is no good without the bad;
dark without light...we cannot appreciate one without the other"
"Like no gain without pain?" Bella asked.
I nodded. "Yes, I suppose that works. Everything must balance," I said happily, knowing this to be true.
Bella looked at me for a while, and the silence felt strange.
"Sometimes," Bella began, her voice becoming quiet, "People hurt others without meaning to, and without
any gain. People cannot always balance everything out." I frowned, trying to comprehend this. The world
was based on balance. Day and night, birth and death, young and old. I looked at Bella, her legs moving
forward and back with the motion of the swing and a thought occurred to me.
"You won't hurt me," I stated, knowing it to be fact. Bella froze on the swing.
"I hope I never do," was her breathy reply.
I arrived home on time, with half an hour to go before dinner, just as I had wished. As I made my way to my
room, I passed Alice's room, and her door was open. As I approached, she stuck her head out.
"Hi Edward, how was your day?" she asked, as always.
I smiled, "Good thank you, yours?"
Alice nodded. "It was good thank you. The kids were good and Jasper and I hung out. How is Bella?"
I beamed. "She is well thank you. I helped her with her project," I explained. I walked towards my room,
knowing that if Alice wished to converse with me further, she would follow. It was impractical to continue
to stand in the hallway.
"Did she tell you about Jacob?" Alice asked, as I took my coat off and hung it in my closet.

"No, who is he?" I replied.

"A guy she met on Saturday. I was wondering if he asked her out yet is all. I thought she may have told you
if he had." I stopped and turned to Alice, needing clarification on this statement.
"He is going to ask her out? To be his girlfriend?" I asked, the word feeling odd when associated with Bella.
Alice hesitated.
"Not right away Edward, but yes, eventually. He really likes her. I am hoping that they do go out. I really
want her to be happy with someone." At this point, a horrific shrill noise caused me to put my hands over
my ears, my head feeling as if it would burst. Alice called an apology, and then ran out, answering her cell
phone as she went. She normally kept it on vibrate in the house. She must have forgotten.
I walked over to the chair, a strange feeling in my stomach. I began to rock, closing my eyes as I allowed the
thoughts to flow. Bella was my friend. My first friend. I liked spending time with her, and I didn't want
someone else taking her time from me. What if he didn't like me spending time with her? Many boyfriends
didn't like their girlfriend's spending time with other men. What if she decided she didn't want to see me
anymore? She had been my first friend. Mine.
It also occurred to me at that moment, that if Bella had a boyfriend, I would be the only one alone. Alice had
Jasper-from-the-south. Emmett spent all his time with Rosalie now. I would be alone. I couldn't have that. I
didn't want to be alone. Having friends had now shown me that I did like people, and that I needed
someone like Bella, my friend, in my life.
I opened my eyes as an idea struck me. There was an extremely simple answer to all of this.
I needed a girlfriend.

~*~

Chapter Notes:
Aspie: Someone with Asperger Syndrome.
Reaction to cell phone: Those with AS are often sensitive to certain sounds, and cannot bear to hear them.
Common reactions to such sounds include placing hands over ears, or retreating until the sound desists.

~*~

Chapter Eleven ~ Undercurrents

BPOV
"Okay, I don't understand my notes. That can't be a good sign," Angela said, massaging her temples as we
left the lecture theatre. I had to admit, I had not fared much better. My notes were barely legible as I had
been forced to concentrate on every snippet of information that the professor had given us. Ethics was far
harder than I had anticipated.
"You okay there, Ali?" Angela asked. Alice nodded slowly, her expression dismal. I was pretty sure the

entire class had gone over her head.

"I'm going to fail," she muttered. I shook my head frantically.
"No you won't, we'll get each other through this class," I said forcefully. Alice nodded sadly before sighing.
"I'm gonna head to the library for the next hour and try to figure this out," she muttered, looking like she
was about to cry. I felt bad for her. Ethics was mandatory for all of us, and unlike me and Angela, Alice had
never encountered anything like it before.
"I can help you later. My last seminar is from two until three, so I'm all yours after that," I offered. Alice
smiled, the small amount of relief she felt obvious on her face.
"Thank you Bella. I'm done at two, so I'll meet you in the library. Do you mind if we go to my house, though?
My dad has a series of medical ethics books that I want to check out. We can study together," I nodded,
knowing that Charlie was working late tonight, so I had no other obligations. As we filed out, the three of us
said our goodbyes and I wandered back towards the social sciences building. By the time I reached Mr
Banner's office, another student was already in with him, so I was forced to wait outside, my mind
wandering back to yesterday and my time with Edward. My attempts at keeping my interactions with
Edward strictly professional had failed miserably. Although we had begun speaking of his special interests,
the conversation had digressed, leaving my thoughts in turmoil once more. Edward was so naive, his view
of the world so simplistic and straightforward. Everything to him could be categorized and documented,
and had only one answer. I almost wished that I could see the world this way. I knew that his limited life
experience life hindered his thinking just as much as his AS did, but I could not let go of the new sense of
guilt that had arisen from our conversation. I was corrupting him. I didn't want him to have to see the
world as I did. By getting him to venture out more, I was essentially making him see the world as it really
was. We all lived in shades of grey, in a world that Edward could not comprehend. I could almost
understand why his mother wanted to protect him from the world. He was a wonderful person, so pure,
only interested in doing good deeds. He was rarity within society, and I knew that by bringing him into the
real world, I ran the risk of chipping away at all the good within him. Still, I would not coddle him. Keeping
him sheltered was not the answer. He deserved friends and a life made by his choices and not someone
else's. Edward was, in a word, wonderful. I was sure, that with the right help and motivation, he could
achieve anything he set his mind to.
My thoughts came to an abrupt halt as Mr Banner's office door opened, and a girl with blue streaks in her
hair smiled apologetically at me as she exited.
"Come on in Bella," he called, ushering me once more into the leather chair on the other side of his desk.
"What have you got for me?" he asked once I was settled, his eyes glinting with tell-tale excitement. I
allowed myself a small smile as I delved into my bag in search of my proposal. It was wonderful to be
taught by someone who had such a passion for his work.
I finally found it and handed it to him. "It's only a rough outline, although I have a few more detailed notes
in one section," I said by way of explanation for the amalgamation of typed notes and hand written ones. A
few moments of silence followed as Mr Banner read through my outline.
"Adult Asperger's. An interesting idea, Bella. You do realize that this will be quite difficult, considering the
lack of material there is on the subject?" he questioned, meeting my gaze from over the top of the papers.

I nodded. "I know, that's partly why I wanted to do it. There's less of a chance of being swayed by clinical
opinion, and more of a chance to explore ideas no one else has yet," I said. A smile appeared on Mr Banner's
face as I spoke.
"Well, that's more like it, Bella Swan. I have to say, I was not expecting this when I sent you away last week,
but I am certainly impressed." I flush of pride surged through me at his words, and I became more
animated in our discussions as we ironed out the finer points of my proposal.
"The ideas that you have set out to discuss in your project are interesting. I like the idea of you exploring
his social interaction and the difficulties he faced as a child and how he has overcome them," he stated,
scribbling a note on the bottom of the page.
I knew this would be a difficult topic, since Edward's "social interaction" was almost nothing until I came
along, but I believed this was the sort of challenge I'd needed. I would have to be careful not to lay blame,
and try to show Esme in the best light I could. This was a huge risk and I knew I would be walking a very
fine line. However, this thesis would be based solely on fact. It would not be tainted by opinion. Hopefully in
stating these facts, Esme would not be upset with me. Since I was going to be spending so much time with
Edward, it was important Esme liked me. It was also important to have her cooperation. I knew how
influential she was, and one unkind word from her could put me in jeopardy, no matter how much Banner
liked me.
As I slumped into a seat neat the back of the hall, feeling grateful that Banner had liked and accepted my
proposal, my phone buzzed, causing my entire bag to shake. I frowned, locating it quickly, only to have to
force back a groan as I recognized the number. I really needed to kill Alice for handing out my number to
that egotistical idiot at the bar. Ever since then I'd been bombarded with daily text messages of extremely
inappropriate jokes. I had no idea what his aim was, considering that he didn't know me and this didn't
seem like the right way to "romance" a girl he was trying to date. He was driving me crazy.
"Fancy seeing you here," A voice to my left drawled. I smiled and turned as Jasper slid into the seat next to
me.
"You're taking language, culture and communication disorders?" I wondered aloud. Jasper shrugged.
"It was an elective. It sounded interesting," He explained.
"Fair enough," I replied as I dumped my cell phone back into my bag.
"I hear that ethics is going to be a challenge," he commented with a sly smile. I sighed.
"It's not going to be a walk in the park, that's for sure. I've done something similar before, so I sort of
understand what they're looking for. Alice seems to think it's the end of the world though," I said with a
laugh. Jasper grinned.
"Yes, she was practically buried under text books when I saw her earlier. She'll come through though, she
always does, no matter what others may think," Jasper's voice hardened slightly at this last statement, and I
turned to him in confusion.
"What do you mean?" I asked. Jasper paused, appraising me for a moment before continuing.
"Has Alice ever told you why she's chosen her degree?" he asked. I shook my head slowly. Jasper smiled

sadly, a reaction that only perplexed me further.

"Well, if she ever does, then I think you'd understand," he replied cryptically. I opened my mouth to answer,
yet was unable to say anything as the lecturer chose that moment to begin speaking. As I listened to his
words, my mind could not help but crawl back to what Jasper had said. I had a feeling that Alice's story was
not a happy one.
As I followed Alice up the now familiar drive to the Cullen's house, I noticed two cars I had never seen
before on the driveway. I parked next to the shiny blue compact vehicle. Alice's yellow convertible was on
my other side. I felt embarrassed on behalf of my well-used car.
"Wow, my mom's back already," Alice commented, her eyes glued to the blue car beside me, "I didn't think
her flight got in until this evening,"
"Where did she go?" I asked as we made our way towards the house.
"A conference in New York, Simon Baron-Cohen was the key speaker," My eyes widened, and Alice nodded
when she saw my expression.
"I know, I'm jealous too," she said as we walked through the doors.
"I'm home, and I've brought Bella with me!" Alice called as we walked through the door.
"Alice? I'm in the kitchen honey!" called a voice that I assume was Esme.. Alice's eye lit up and her pace
quickened infinitesimally. I, on the other hand, found myself dawdling. I was about to come face to face
with Esme Cullen, a woman of whom my opinion differed from day to day. She had raised three wonderful
and talented children in Emmett, Alice and Edward, yet had sheltered her youngest son due to his
condition. She had tried to protect him, and went out of her way to make sure Edward had everything he
could possibly need, but had subsequently cut him off from the world. I could see her motivation, but I
couldn't help but think that what she had done was terribly wrong. I took a deep breath to steady myself,
and then entered the kitchen behind Alice.
"Hi mom, how was the conference!" Alice called happily. Esme Cullen turned, offering her daughter a small
smile at the question. She sat at the kitchen table, a mug of steaming liquid in one hand, and a book in the
other, a picture of relaxation. She wore a simple yet stylish indigo dress, her caramel hair framing her
delicate features perfectly.
"It was fine honey," she replied, smiling at her daughter. My nerves increased tenfold when she flicked her
gaze towards me. Alice, noticing her shift in attention, quickly introduced me. Something flickered across
Esme's features at the mention of my name, yet I could not exactly identify what it was.
"Bella Swan, it's lovely to finally meet you," she said, standing from her chair in order to properly greet me,
"I've heard so much about you from my children."
"Good things I hope," I replied, almost instantly regretting the ridiculous reply. Esme did not answer, but
simply offered me another smile, this one not quite meeting her eyes. It was difficult to read her. I had a
feeling she had heard some things about me from her children and was waiting to assess me herself before
she came to a conclusion as to whether she liked me. "So what you are two doing home so early in the day?"
Esme asked, leaning against the countertop to regard us both.

"We're just gonna do some studying for a few hours," Alice explained, "Bella's going to help me with my
ethics notes and then if we have time we're going to start on our research projects,"
"You're having trouble with one of your classes Alice? Already?" Esme asked disbelievingly. Alice's smile
faltered, and I found myself quickly defending my friend.
"It's only because we've never done anything like this before. It's a pretty difficult unit. Everyone I know is
having a hard time with it. I'm sure with a little extra work we'll be fine," I replied. Esme smiled brightly at
me.
"Oh I have no doubt you'll be fine, my dear. I've heard wonderful things about you from Mrs Cope. I was
amazed when I learned you were only twenty years old and had such a level of experience already. It's
wonderful to know there are people like yourself who are so dedicated in their field," As always, I found
myself blushing under the string of praises Esme had for me. I also felt bad that she had just essentially put
down her daughter and praised me. Out of the corner of my eye I noticed Alice shift nervously, obviously
impatient to get to work. Esme seemed to sense this too.
"Well, I'd better let you girls get to work. If you want anything, just let me know. Studying can take a lot out
of you and you may need sustenance."
I smiled as Alice and I picked up our bags. "Thank you Mrs Cullen," I said. She laughed, and it was a warm
and gentle sound.
"It's Esme dear, there is no need to be so formal," she replied. I nodded, and was about to leave when she
spoke again.
"Girls, remember to be quiet when you pass the study. Edward's working, and we can't have you disturbing
him,"
"Yes mom, don't worry. Come on Bella," Alice replied, and turned and walked out. I nodded, my eyes glued
to Esme's, before I turned and practically fled from the room. Although her last statement had apparently
been directed at both of us, Esme had stared straight into my eyes while speaking. I was in no doubt that
she had made up her mind. Esme did not particularly approve of me.
"Bella, I swear if your phone goes off one more time I will throw it against the wall," Alice hissed. I glared at
her.
"Alice, if you hadn't given out my number, then you would currently not be annoyed," I replied. I picked up
my cell phone and clicked on the message, grimacing when I read its content. I didn't know how many more
of these ridiculous jokes involving aliens and male genitalia I could take before I slammed my phone
against something.
"I thought you liked him," Alice said, her face a picture of confusion. I groaned as I realized that we had had
this conversation while she was drunk, and she probably had no recollection of it.
"Alice, I was trying to get rid of him on Saturday, and then you came along and gave him my number! If I
wanted him to have my number I would have given it to him myself." I ranted. Alice sighed.
"I'm sorry, Bella, it just seemed like a good idea at the time. He's cute and you two seemed to be getting
along great. I was trying to help," she said sadly.

"He's annoying and egotistical, definitely not my type." "Plus, he texts me disgusting jokes all day. Honestly,
you'd think he'd take the hint when I don't respond," I muttered. Alice perked up at my mumblings.
"What is your type then?" she asked me slyly.
Your brother the voice in my head quickly countered. I shook my head in order to rid myself of such
thoughts, deciding it was safer to ignore Alice's question.
"I know you were only trying to help Alice, but I really didn't need you to. It's only caused me more
problems," I said. Alice looked upset again.
"I'm sorry I misinterpreted the situation Bella. I should have asked you about Jacob, rather than just giving
him your number. I just want you to be happy. Aside from me and Angela, you don't really have anyone else
in your life. All you do is work and study. It's great that you are so committed, and I know you love what
you do, but you need a life as well. I don't want you to be alone. I know I we haven't known each other for
long, but you've been a wonderful friend to me and you deserve a great guy in your life. I just wanted to
help, I guess." She sighed.
I was still mad at her for her actions, but I couldn't help but hug her after her speech. Alice may not do
things in the most rational and normal manner, but her heart was in the right place. Her words echoed the
fears that Charlie's had about me for years. While Renee was all too happy about my career prospects for
the future, Charlie just wanted me to be a normal teenager. I had never really had any close friends in the
past, and the fact that I had already managed to make a few during the short time I've stayed with him
made him feel proud. I had never really needed people before, and had never really understood the appeal
of relationships. It's only recently that I had realized what I may have been missing. As Alice and I drew
apart, she grinned at me.
"I promise, no more giving your number out without your permission," she said, holding up her hand as an
oath.
I laughed. "Thanks Alice. Now, what do I do about Jacob?"
Alice shrugged. "Just call him and tell him to leave you alone. If he doesn't accept that, I'll get Emmett to call
him. Believe me, he'll be running for the hills," she said with a laugh. I'm sure she wasn't kidding. I had the
feeling she had previously unleashed her brother on the opposite sex when they did something to offend
her. Alice stood then, looking down at me.
"I'm gonna go grab something to drink for us while you make the phone call. Good luck!" she called, before
skipping across the room and out of the door before I even had a chance to fully digest what she had said. I
gulped, staring at my phone as if it were about to explode in my hand. I didn't particularly want to call
Jacob, but I knew that it was the best way to put an end to everything. I grimaced as I held the phone up to
my ear.
"Well, I knew my persistence would pay off, mysterious girl. Or should I say, Bella."
My nerves dissipated with Jacob's words, replaced by aggravation and a rekindled need to kill Alice. He
knew my name. Wonderful.
"Hi Jacob. Listen, I think that you may have gotten the wrong impression about what happened on Saturday

night. I feel that I need to explain my actions so we can get over this misunderstanding," I stated, cutting
straight to the case. I didn't want to prolong this any further than I had to.
"While that sounds like a lovely idea Bella, I'm kind of busy right now. How about you meet me for coffee
later and we'll discuss this in person?"
My mind went blank. This I had not been expecting, nor did it sound appealing at all.
"Jacob, I can't, I'm in Seattle right now, and I really don't think coffee is going to help matters!" I spluttered,
well aware that my sentence made absolutely no sense whatsoever. Jacob simply laughed. "I'm in Seattle
too, Bella, so that makes everything easier. Look, I really need to go, but I'll see you at Starbucks at five,
okay?" He didn't wait for an answer. "Later, mysterious Bella!" and with that, the line went dead. I pulled
the phone away from my ear and stared dumbly at it in silence for a few seconds, wondering how on earth I
had gone from deciding to tell this jerk to back off and leave me alone, to having coffee with him.
God, I was a pushover.
I had a few hours to decide exactly what I wanted to say so that I could get out of our meeting as quickly as
possible. I heard the door click and I turned to see Alice walking in holding two glasses of what looked like
lemonade. She grinned.
"How did it go?" she asked. I narrowed my eyes at her, trying not to put my hands around her throat or yell
at her that this was all her fault.

~*~

Chapter Note:
Simon Baron-Cohen: A well-known specialist in ASD who has written many articles and books about his
research. Some of the text books Bella and Alice would be using would have been written by him. Also, yes
he is related to Sasha Baron-Cohen. They are cousins.

~*~

Chapter Twelve ~ Loneliness

EPOV
My mood was more positive than it had been the previous evening, considering that my tutor and I had
spent the afternoon running through my research options for my thesis, so by three o'clock I already had a
plan in place. Productivity was always a good outcome. As I politely walked my tutor to the door, Alice
passed by from the kitchen, attempting to wave in my direction while holding two glasses of some sort of
liquid. I had no idea why Alice would wish to have two drinks, but I never really understood Alice, so I did
not bother thinking about it. Instead, I made my way to my piano, continuing with my daily routine. I began
with what I had started working on previously, Chopin's piano concerto number 2 in F minor. The
metronome kept my hands on schedule, the music precise and expressive, in both parts of the equation.
I was glad that this day had gone according to plan, as I had been informed this morning that Emmett and I
would not be permitted to do our exercises this evening. Dr Cullen had explained to me that Esme had been
able to board an earlier flight, so we'd be having dinner earlier, as Esme wanted Rosalie to join us. I did not

understand why Esme would want to change her flight plans, considering that she booked them in advance
at certain times for a certain reason. A plan was nothing if one did not stick to it. I also did not understand
why having Rosalie for dinner resulted in my timetable being adjusted, but I was far more concerned with
what I was to do now than to waste time questioning Dr. Cullen. Thus I had been forced to change my
exercises to the morning when I had been free, and now had the evening to do with as I wished. It had felt
wrong and I had to constantly remind myself that this was my temporary routine in order to make the
numbers flow. Yet despite these events, the day had managed to be salvageable.
While I had been running this morning, I realized that with Rosalie staying for dinner, my plan could be put
into action this evening, if I could schedule a time to speak with her alone. It had occurred to me that she
would be the best possible person to consult regarding my mission..
As five o clock approached, I extracted myself from the piano bench, making sure that all of the sheet music
was back in the correct order. I left the music room, the scent of dinner reaching me almost
instantaneously. Tuesday meant that we had some sort of fish meal for dinner, so I avoided close proximity
to the kitchen while Esme finished off her cooking. It was not that I disliked the aroma, it was just too
overpowering. Instead, I walked the forty-one steps to the front room where I found Emmett and Rosalie.
"Edward! Bro, what's up?" I had long ago learned to tolerate this colloquialism, although it aggravated me
due to how the words themselves made no sense.
"Nothing," I replied truthfully, "How are you Emmett?"
He grinned, tightening his grip around Rose, who smiled at me. I smiled in return as my adopted brother
replied, "All good bro, all good," I nodded, turning to Rosalie.
"Hi Rosalie, it's good to see you," I began, "I was wondering if I could talk to you later this evening?"
"It's good to see you too, Edward. Of course you can. Is there something wrong?" she asked.
I was not sure as to why my wishing to speak to her later caused her to come to the conclusion that there
would be something wrong, but since she was concerned, I gave her an explanation..
"Nothing is wrong, I simply need your help with something, and it is impractical to ask now, as we will be
having dinner soon," I replied, trying not to let my impatience become obvious as I spoke.
"Alright," Rosalie replied.
"Edward!" I turned to see Esme, smiling widely at me in the doorway.
"Hello Esme, how was your trip?" I said politely. I really wanted to ask her why she had deviated from her
schedule, but I was almost certain that this would be rude and would appear I was not pleased she had
returned early. However, when Esme's whims affected my routine, I thought it should be only natural that I
receive an explanation.
"It was lovely Edward. How have you been, dear?" she asked.
I smiled. "Good. Since you have been away, I have made much progress in my compositions and mechanical
engineering thesis. I have also helped my friend, Bella, with her own research project," I told her. I had to
admit that despite all of the achievements I had made personally, I felt most satisfied with the progress

Bella was making on her project due to my helping her. It was a strange feeling, in that it was the first time
doing something for another person felt satisfactory, but I think it was most likely due to how I was
fulfilling my post as her friend by helping her.
"Bella, did you say? Well, it seems that she's a hit around here." I did not quite know how to respond to
Esme's statement. . Luckily, I did not have to think about it for too long, as Esme began ushering everyone
into the kitchen for dinner.
I didn't have to talk at dinner, considering that, as usual, Alice chatted insistently, and Dr. Cullen and Esme
seemed to focus their attention on Rosalie. I didn't really have much that I could contribute anyway, so I
didn't really mind. I didn't like dinner. We had salmon that tasted wonderful but was too pink, almost alive
and speaking in letters and numerical patterns. I was still hungry when I left the table, but I knew that
Emmett would bring me some food later. Whenever I didn't finish the food that Esme had made, he would
bring me snacks. That was one of our routines.
A knock on my door at eight seventeen distracted me from my studying.
"Come in," I replied, not removing my gaze from my laptop. The door swung open with more force than was
necessary, signaling without a doubt that Emmett had entered my room.
"Was that really necessary?" Rosalie said harshly from behind him. I looked up, watching as Emmett
slammed the door shut behind him. I cringed.
"Please do not do that," I said, still feeling the vibration in my bones. Emmett apologized, before he grinned
widely at me.
"Look what I got!" he cried, brandishing a packet of popcorn. I smiled, placing the laptop on the floor so that
I would not get crumbs inside the keyboard.
"Thank you Emmett," I replied, grateful that I would not have to go to sleep hungry. Emmett nodded, taking
a seat on the rug in front of me with his own bag of popcorn. It reminded me of when Bella sat in my room
over the weekend.
"You didn't like what we had for dinner?" Rosalie asked me, as she joined Emmett on the floor. I sighed,
setting the chair in motion before replying.
"I did, I just did not like the color of the salmon," I explained.
"Edward is real picky," Emmett stated in explanation. It was true, I was. Rosalie stared at Emmett as he
shoved a handful of popcorn into his mouth, chewing noisily. She shook her head and then turned to me.
"So, what was it you wanted to talk to us about?" she asked. I opened my mouth to counter that in actual
fact I had simply requested to talk to her, when I realized that talking to Emmett may be beneficial as well.
He was certainly more knowledgeable in this area than I was.
"Well, I have noticed that everyone is in pairs. Dr. Cullen and Esme, You and Emmett, Alice and Jasper..."
"Wait, hold up! What do you mean Alice and Jasper?" Emmett said, sounding alarmed. I closed my eyes and
began mumbling to myself, rocking harder as I attempted to concentrate. I recognized Rosalie's voice
replying to Emmett, yet I was more concerned with consoling myself concerning the interruption. I recited

multiples of nine in my head as I rocked, and after a few moments, I felt calm once more. Opening my eyes, I
studied Rosalie and Emmett, waiting to see if they were going to speak again. It was lucky that I waited, as
Emmett chose this moment to begin speaking once more.
"Sorry bro, you just threw me with that comment about Alice. I won't interrupt again," he promised.
"Good." I replied, as it was exceptionally rude to interrupt someone when they were speaking, and it meant
that I had to start at the beginning once more to maintain the flow of conversation linearly.
"As I said, everyone is in pairs. Dr. Cullen and Esme, the two of you, Alice and Jasper and Bella and Jacob." At
this point, Emmett opened his mouth, only to get smacked on the arm by Rosalie. He turned, the two of
them conversing with their eyes, forcing me to glance away. Fortunately, neither said anything. I wondered
for a moment if I needed to begin again, but decided to continue on as no words had actually interrupted
my conversation.
"I don't want to be alone, so I have come up with a solution to my problem. I need a girlfriend. How do I get
one?"
Silence was the only response I received. I waited for a few moments, until Rosalie stood and moved
forward, sitting at my feet.
"Edward, you're not alone, please don't think like that," she said, trying to capture my eyes with her own.
Considering that she and Emmett had just been speaking with their eyes, I was wary of them, and looked at
her shoulder instead.
"Yeah buddy, you're not alone at all," Emmett called. I shook my head.
"No, I am alone. I don't have a girlfriend; everyone else has a partner of their own to spend time with, and if
I don't want to be alone, I need to find someone to be with in that way. I don't know how to get a girlfriend,
and considering that the two of you have each other, you must be able to tell me how you did it," I
explained patiently. I realized that Rosalie and Emmett really needed to know all my reasons. It was
tedious, but had to be done.
"Edward... that's... you see... you can't really think of it in that way," Rosalie eventually managed to say.
"What am I doing wrong?" I questioned.
"You have to want a girl and then want her to be your girlfriend," she replied. I thought about this for a
moment, and then shook my head.
"No, because if I did not want a girlfriend then I would not be looking for a girl to be interested in, so I
would not find a girl I wanted to be my girlfriend and would not be able to have a girlfriend. Therefore, I
have to want a girlfriend first." Rosalie opened and shut her moth a few times. It was a strange reaction
considering that I had just posed a correct and logical argument.
"Don't think about it too hard babe. You won't win. It's a chicken and egg question," Emmett said as he
lifted himself from the floor.
"Edward, do you seriously want a girlfriend?" Emmett asked, walking towards me as he spoke. "It's not
something that you should play around with. We can help you if you want, but if you're not willing to step

up and be good to the girl, then you shouldn't even consider this. You could really hurt someone's feelings."
My brother was not usually serious, so when he made such solemn statements, I really took the time to
listen to him.
I considered his words for a moment, and then replied, "Yes, I am serious. I want a girlfriend. The only
young women I know are Alice, Rosalie and Bella. I can't have them, so I need to find someone else," I
replied. Rosalie looked up at Emmett and for the second time in less than fifteen minutes their eyes started
talking again. It was getting really disturbing.
"Hey, I've got it! Edward, give me your laptop!" I rapidly obeyed my adoptive brother's request, since he
seemed to have come up with a solution.
"What are you doing?" Rosalie asked, watching as Emmett began tapping away.
"Going on match-dot-com," Emmett said.
"What!" I winced as Rosalie's voice became extremely high-pitched and loud, "Emmett Cullen, don't you
dare pimp your brother out on the internet!"
"Calm down babe, I'm just seeing what kind of girls Edward likes," he said. Rosalie rolled her eyes in what I
now knew was exasperation. She turned towards me, smiling.
"Edward, why don't you make a list of the qualities that you would like in a girlfriend. That way we can
figure out where would be the best place for you to meet someone," she said. I had to admit, I was
impressed. Rosalie had thought of an exceptionally logical way to start the process of finding a girlfriend. I
quickly grabbed a notebook and pen, ready to get to work.
Rosalie and Emmett had been silent while reading my list of qualities that I would wish any girl I would
consider dating to have. While I had been exceptionally thorough in my reasoning, I had a feeling that the
two of them were taking longer than was appropriate. Suddenly, Emmett sighed running a hand down his
face.
"All yours, babe," he said, tapping Rosalie on the shoulder. Rosalie also sighed, and I began to worry that if I
had a girlfriend, I would have to start mimicking her actions.
"Edward," Rosalie said, "You've sort of... well, this list describes someone we already know."
"It does?" I asked, feeling exceptionally happy that the first part of my plan had gone so well. Rosalie
nodded.
"Yes, perfectly, actually," she replied, looking back at the list.
"You want someone who is intelligent and able to keep your interest.. You want someone who shares, or at
least understands the importance of your special interests and is enthusiastic about them and supportive of
them. You want to be compatible with her, know that there are enough similarities between the two of you
to develop a bond of interests, yet enough difference so that you can have your space when you need it. You
need someone who can accept and understand your AS, and possibly help you socially. While you stress
that these are the most important qualities, you do have preferences regarding appearance. These qualities
include someone who takes pride in their natural appearance and not using too many artificial products.

You prefer long hair to short, and dark to fair. You also list pale, clear skin and a frequent smile as things
that attract you," Rosalie said, before looking up at me expectantly.
I waited. The room was silent.
"Yes. That's right," I said, not entirely sure what was expected of me.
"Edward, man, you just described Bella!" I froze at Emmett's explanation. I heard Rosalie smack him again,
and while I was concerned about her obviously violent nature, I was more worried about the fact that I had
apparently just described my friend Bella. It was true that she did embody all of those qualities. I had not
been thinking of her as I had listed them. I had just made a list of what I knew I would be attracted to. Bella
just happened to meet all of my criteria.
In conclusion, I was attracted to Bella.
"This is wrong. Bella is with Jacob. If she is someone else's girlfriend, then she cannot be mine as well.
There is no point in me trying anything as she is not available."
Emmett pointed at me, "No way, Bro! Don't let him have her! Fight for her!"
"Emmett!" Rosalie scolded, before turning towards me.
"Edward, listen. I'm not entirely sure that Bella is Jacob's girlfriend. From what Alice was telling me earlier,
Bella is not that interested in Jacob, but Edward even if it's true, what was the advice she gave you when
she told you to talk to me?" she asked.
I thought for a moment. "That a person must have all of the information before they make a rational
decision," I repeated.
Rosalie smiled, "Exactly. You like Bella, right? I mean, you would want her as a girlfriend?"
I nodded slowly. "Yes, I think that she is a good match for me. I like spending time with her, she is beautiful,
and her mind is fast and complex. She makes me understand things in a different light. I don't think I could
ever get bored of her company," I said.
Rosalie laughed. "So tell her, Edward. Give her all the information, and then let her make the decision," she
said.
I nodded, the plan completely formulated in my mind. I no longer needed a nameless girlfriend. I needed
Bella.

~*~

Chapter Thirteen ~ The Logical Answer

BPOV
I spotted Jacob almost as soon as I walked into Starbucks. His shock of dark long hair and tall stature, even

when seated, set him apart from the rest of the patrons. He looked up as I entered, ushering me over. I
signaled towards the counter, hoping he didn't decide to follow me in an act of chivalry and pay for my
beverage. Thankfully he simply nodded. I glanced up at the board, ordering something highly caffeinated on
a whim, knowing I would regret it later. Once my order was up, I grabbed the steaming cup of mocha and
made my way to towards Jacob. He had managed to snag one of the couches. I was hoping he hadn't done
that so he could sit close to me. I tried to sit as far away from him as I could.
"Hey there mysterious girl," he greeted with a wave.
I rolled my eyes. "Jacob, you know my name now, why do you insist on calling me that?" I asked.
Jacob shrugged, smiling widely at me before replying.
"Old habits die hard. Plus, I like it. I think it suits you." I couldn't really think of any reply that would not be
some sort of catty remark, so I simply took a sip of my coffee. I needed to cut this short. While Charlie
would not be back until late, I needed to study and get a decent amount of sleep before school tomorrow.
Also, the longer I spent with Jacob, the more I wanted to hurt him physically, and I was already here to hurt
him in another way. He just seemed to have that effect on me. So, placing my cup on the table, I gathered
any courage I could muster and looked Jacob in the eye.
"Jacob, listen. I really do think that you have the wrong impression of me," I said, hoping that I sounded
more confident than I felt.
Jacob raised an eyebrow. "And what impression would that be?" he asked, a hint of amusement in his voice.
His tone grated on my nerves, but I let it pass.
"That I was..." I fumbled for a word, breaking eye contact and cursing myself internally as a blush rose on
my face. I could have sworn Jacob was laughing, yet when I faced him again, his expression hadn't changed.
"interested in you." I finally managed, feeling ridiculously childish. This was the worst conversation I had
ever had to endure, and only served to remind me how inexperienced I was concerning relationships. I
could imagine Rosalie walking in, telling Jacob to get lost and walking back out the door without a glance
back. . Actually, Rosalie would have never been in this situation in the first place. She would have taken care
of him at the club or most definitely on the phone, the way I should have. Now here I was again, not being
forceful enough and blushing and stuttering like a fool.
Jacob leaned forward and I backed away slowly. I picked up my cup and extended my arm in front of me as
if it was some sort of shield. Jacob smirked at my movements, but stayed as he was. I was right. He had
chosen the couch so he could get closer without a table separating us.
"So, you weren't interested in me, yet your little hyper little friend came over and told me I should call you.
That seems a little contradictory, don't you think?"
I sighed, once again wanting to strangle Alice. "She did that of her own accord Jacob. She saw us talking and
thought she would step in and 'help me out'. She didn't realize I'd been trying to get rid of you," I said,
feeling exasperated. At my words, Jacob clamped a hand over his heart dramatically.
"Your words hurt, mysterious girl, did you know that?" I simply glared at him, not in the mood for his
antics. He shook his head and grinned.

"So, you expect me to believe that your friend came over and, on a whim, gave me your number. Who does
that?" he asked.
"Alice," I answered simply. Jacob just looked at me. This had already gone so much further than it should
have. I needed to just say what I needed to say and leave.
"Jacob, I'm sorry for this whole situation. It's gotten completely out of hand.. I didn't tell Alice to come over,
and I didn't even know that she had given you my number until after we left the bar and it was too late. I'm
really sorry if you got the wrong idea, but I'm not interested," I said, the last sentence rushing out of my
mouth so swiftly that I was not even sure he heard it.
"I know." My eye widened at Jacob's words. Seeing my face, he burst out laughing.
"Do you think I'm stupid Bella? I know you're not into me," he said with a shrug. I sat there, dumbstruck,
sipping my now lukewarm coffee on autopilot. I had a thousand questions for him, such as why he insisted
on meeting and would he now stop texting me, yet before I had a chance to ask, Jacob spoke.
"So, who is he?" I swallowed a little too abruptly, and wound up having a coughing fit. Jacob waited
patiently, completely unconcerned for my well-being. Not even an "are you alright"? What a jerk!
"Excuse me?" I asked, my voice weak from coughing
"Well, I'm assuming it's a 'he'. Whoever it is you are interested in. I remember your friend saying you were
unavailable anyway, and considering you haven't fallen for my charms..." he trailed off, smiling brightly. I
choose to ignore his last comment.
"He's just... out of my league," I said, voicing the thought before I could stop myself. Jacob leaned forward
again.
"I highly doubt that, but the real question is why are you sitting here talking to me when you should be out
there with him?"
Was he serious? "I didn't really have a choice to be here with you, did I? I called to tell you this over the
phone, but then you ordered me to meet you here and hung up on me." As usual, he completely ignored
what I was saying and continued on.
"You haven't told him how you feel, have you?" I was once again startled at how perceptive Jacob could be. I
sighed heavily, shaking my head.
"It's complicated," I said eventually.
"Isn't anything that's worth pursuing? If it was easy, you'd be wondering what the catch was. People are
complicated, Bella. They over think and make everything seem like it's the end of the world. I don't know
what the deal is with the lucky bastard who's got you swooning, but try and think of it this way: You like
him, and if he's got any kind of sense, he's probably at least noticed you. Just tell him. If you want something
to happen, the logical thing to do is to say something. Otherwise he won't know what's going on."
The logical answer...
I tuned out Jacob and thought about this.

I was telling myself that I was making my decisions about Edward based on logic. That it was wrong to
think of him in the way I have been, because of how he saw the world. Because he saw me as a friend and
since he was just getting out into the world, it would be unfair for me to take advantage of the situation.
However, Edward was a grown man. He comprehended things I didn't even fully understand. Could he
possibly be receptive if I told him? Was that the only reason I wouldn't? Was I getting in my own way?
Most of my decisions in the past have been based on logic, such as my chosen profession. I had chosen this
carer due to what I felt was "a calling". It all started with Ophelia, the girl who moved next door to me,
when I was eleven. My mother was the one who called me a 'natural' and I suppose to some degree, I was. I
instinctively knew how to act with her. It was as if I already knew about the condition. I could understand
the way she thought and it fascinated me. It was my interest that caused me to find out more about ASD,
and the fact that I excelled in it only made my decisions easier. So really, I had chosen a career, and
university degree in something that held my interest, and in which I excelled. Completely and utterly
logical. I changed universities for my final year because it had the best teachers and facilities for my course
of study, as well as offering me a place at a well-regarded Special Needs school. I had decided to live with
Charlie, originally because I moved to the area, and also due to how I felt the need to have a connection to
the father I had little contact with as a child. Yet it was also because s I could not afford student housing,
and halls were not offered to third year students. Again, logical.
While I did make decisions based on needs and emotions, they all were logical. I didn't have a feeling, or
just know that I had to come to Forks. I did it out of practicality.
In my situation with Edward, because I always dealt with everything logically, I was telling myself I was
once again doing the right logical thing, but really, if I was honest with myself, it had more to do with
emotions and possibly getting hurt.
"Bella? Hey, Bella, ya with me?" Jacob began clicking his fingers in front of my face in an effort to rouse me,
and I ended up having to swipe at his hands before he would desist.
"Sorry, I zoned out. Anyway, thank you for the advice Jacob, and for understanding, but I really do have to
go. I've got loads of studying to do," I said, rising myself to my feet. To my surprise, Jacob stood with me.
"I'll walk you to your car," he offered. I blinked, wondering if I had actually heard him properly. However,
he fell into step with me as I walked across the street to my car.
I fished around in my bag for my keys, while saying, "Thank you for... I stopped when I saw Jacob stepping
closer to me and I found myself instinctively backing away from his close proximity, only to have my knees
hit the back of the car. He was staring at me, his expression intense and unfamiliar. It was unnerving.
"Umm, Jacob, what are you..." but I never got to finish the sentence, his mouth covering my own before I
even realized. I froze, tensing instinctively as he kissed me, choosing passive resistance over violence.
Oddly, in the few seconds that the kiss took, my mind produced an odd stream of thoughts. The first being
that, while I was nowhere near strong enough to push him away, I really had the urge to punch him. The
second, was that now I was definitely going to kill Alice. The last was an intense feeling of guilt and longing,
hitting my chest and spreading a gaping hole that ended at my toes.
Jacob pulled away from my rigid form, peered at me and sighed.

"Man, you're so hung up on that guy; I had no chance in hell. If you get a kiss from me and don't even react...
jeez, if I didn't know it was totally impossible, I'd think I was losing my mojo." My fingers curled into a fist,
but luckily, the rational part of my brain kicked in before I broke my hand on his jaw. Instead, I moved
slightly, and yanked open the door. I heard and felt it hit something and looked to see Jacob holding his
crotch, tears springing to his eyes.
Is it wrong that this made me happy?
"You never had any mojo," I spat before shutting the door and starting the engine. I could see him doubled
over in pain as I pulled away.
"Are you okay, Bells? You look kind keyed up." I almost jumped out of skin, not realizing that Charlie had
entered the kitchen.
"I'm fine dad," I replied, hoping that he would not question me further. Thankfully, it wasn't in his nature to
pry, so he simply shrugged away his assumptions before saying goodbye and heading to work. I sighed,
staring at the half-eaten bowl of cereal before me. I was not fine. Despite my attempts to encourage myself
yesterday, I had spent half the night worrying about what could possibly happen once I told Edward I had
feelings for him. I knew it was going to be impossible for me to see him this afternoon and act as if all was
fine. I owned it to him to confess. I felt as if I were deceiving him in a way, by pretending that all I wished
from him was to be his friend. I cared for him far more than that. I needed to say something.
As I climbed in my car and made my way towards school, I realized that I had not really thought this
through. I had no idea what to do once I had actually told him about my feelings. What if he panicked? What
if he hated me for it? What if he never wanted to see me again? Yes I was right. This had nothing to do with
logic. It was about fear and insecurity.
The hurt that seeped through me at that thought was far more intense than I had anticipated. I was not sure
that I could handle that type of rejection. I wanted to be part of his life, no matter what his response was to
my feelings. I was beginning to wonder if the risk of losing him as a friend was worth the slim possibility
that he might accept my feelings for him.
On the other hand, what would I do if by some miracle he actually felt for me too? I had never been in a
relationship before, and had no idea how to behave while in one.. Hell, I had only ever kissed two guys...
three if I counted Jacob. Was I really ready to have a relationship? Would Edward even want a relationship
from me?
My thoughts were spiraling out of control, contradicting themselves and my previous resolutions. By the
time I arrived at work, I felt slightly sick. I no longer had any idea of what I should do concerning Edward. It
seemed that the more I thought about it, the more confused I became, yet there was no way that I could not
think about it. A ridiculous and painful circle.
"Bella? What's wrong?" I snapped out of my reverie to see Angela peering at me with a look of concern.
"Oh, hi Ang. Nothing's wrong. I'm okay," I replied with a shrug as we walked through the doors.
"Bella, you look as if you're about to throw up. There is no way that you are okay. Come with me," she said,
pulling on my elbow and leading me towards the staffroom. I followed her numbly, unable to defend myself
any longer. It was still early, so luckily the staffroom was unoccupied when we entered. Angela quickly
steered me towards a chair, allowing me to collapse into it before sitting beside me.

"Talk," she demanded. I shook my head, opening my mouth to protest that I was fine, but one look at
Angela's face told me that it would be useless. I sighed, dropping my head into my hands.
"Its... it's about Edward," I said, unable to look at her.
"Okay. Talk to me Bella, I want to help you. You obviously need to talk to someone if it's affecting you so
badly. Please talk to me," she said, putting an arm around my shoulders in comfort. I leaned into her
slightly, knowing that out of all of the friends I've made, Angela was the only one I could trust with this
information. I sat up, removing my face from my hands, and slowly began to tell my story. Angela was silent
for a few seconds once I finished.
"Bella, you know you have to talk to him. You can't pretend you don't have these feelings. You've tried to
ignore them, but it doesn't make a difference. Telling him is for the best," she said.
"I know," I replied, "but I'm so scared Ang. What if he hates me because of it?" my voice shook dangerously
as I spoke my deepest concern.
"I highly doubt that Edward could hate you Bella. In fact, I don't really think that you will have anything to
worry about," she said, smiling brightly. On seeing my dubious expression, her smile dimmed.
"Okay, look Bella. I've been trying to get you to see this for a long time. I think Edward feels the same about
you as you do for him. Why do you think that Rose is so hostile towards you? She's exceptionally protective
of him, and she's not blind. She can see it as clearly as I can. I know I've been pushing you, trying to get you
to admit your feelings, but it's just because I care about you, and I don't want you to be afraid. You remind
me so much of myself, it's scary," I whipped my head round to stare at her in confusion. Angela laughed.
"The first day Ben walked into my history class in junior year, I knew he was the one. He was hot,
intelligent, athletic and sweet. Everything anyone could want. Yet I was too scared to talk to him, even
though I ended up sitting next to him in three classes. What would a guy like that want with a girl like me,
right? It took me almost a year and a half to confess, and in that time he dated two of my closest friends.
After we had been dating for a few months, I admitted that I had liked him from day one, only I'd been too
insecure to say anything. It turns out he had been attracted to me too. However, considering that I used to
barely look him in the eye when I spoke to him, he thought I hated him."
Angela smiled at me, wrapping her arm around my shoulders again, pulling me in for a hug.
"I don't want you to waste any time Bella, just because you're too afraid of rejection. I know that you're
situation with Edward is difficult, but no relationship is ever simple. If you could see the two of you the way
I see you, I know that you wouldn't hesitate telling him how you feel. I believe that he has feelings for you
as well, only he finds them far more difficult to express and comprehend. It's illogical for you to throw away
an opportunity just because you're afraid of what may happen. Take a chance."
Once again, I found myself repeating the same three words in my head.
The logical answer.
Why did the idea which made the most sense have to be the one I was most afraid of?
My heart was pounding in my ears as I paced the practice room, practically wearing a hole in the carpet.

Once the last student left, Angela had practically thrown me out of the classroom, commenting that my
anxiety was tangible and driving her insane. So I found myself ten minutes early, waiting for Edward to
arrive. I had gone through about a thousand scenarios of what his reaction would be. Most of them were
utterly ridiculous and a product of my obsession with classic romance novels, and the rest involved me
flying straight back to Arizona. I knew I had to tell him. The deception was killing me, the more I tried to
bury these feelings, the stronger they became and I knew that in the long run, not knowing what could have
been would drive me mad. I didn't really believe Angela when she said Edward returned my feelings.
Frankly at this point I just hoped he wouldn't run for the hills. I sighed and flopped down on the piano
bench, massaging my temples. I I'd had all day to think about it and I still had no idea how to start the
conversation. This was yet another situation where my lack of relationship experience stunted me. I wished
I could have asked Angela for help, but Jena went into another crying fit, so she had spent most of the lunch
hour calming Jena down. There was no way I could have asked Alice. She had been tip-toeing around me
since the Jacob incident. Plus, I had a feeling that my attraction to her brother would not go down well.
My mind suddenly went blank as the sound of the door opening reached my ears. I gulped, my throat
suddenly feeling dry and my limbs shaking as Edward walked through the door. He looked startled,. His
mesmerizing eyes blinked a few times, each flutter of his lashes magnified by his black framed glasses. I
was a deer in head lights, captured by his jade gaze. It took all of my strength to focus on the fact that
Edward had begun speaking.
"I am so sorry Bella, I did not realize you were in here, or I would have knocked first. That was rude of me. I
hope I did not disturb you," he said, his eye glued to the floor.
"It's fine Edward. You didn't disturb me at all. I was early and simply waited for you. Please come in," I said,
marveling that I was able to compose a correct sentence and somehow sound vaguely calm. Edward smiled
at me before turning and shutting the door behind him. As I watched him move towards me, I knew that I
should really stand to greet him. However, even though I had an outward sense of calm, my body seemed to
no longer be connected to mind. Try as I might, I could not move. Edward stopped short in front of me, his
eyes flickering between the floor, myself and the walls. I could feel the tension between us, and I knew that
I had to break it. The sooner I said something, the sooner I could deal with the consequences.
"I really need to talk to you," we spoke in tandem. Edward seemed at a loss of what to do with this new
revelation, so I gestured towards him politely.
"You go first," I said, grateful that I would have the extra time to collect my thoughts. However, Edward
shook his head rapidly from side to side.
"No Bella, you should speak first, it would be impolite for me to,"
Panic washed through me at his insistence, and before I could stop myself, I blurted, "Edward, please. I
insist. I would prefer it if you went first," I stammered, my face heating as I spoke. Edward stared blankly at
me, tilting his head to one side.
"Well, if you would prefer it that way, then I will go first. I would hate to disappoint you," he decided,
focusing above me as he spoke. I think I actually sighed quietly at his sweet words, which disturbed me no
end, but before I could be properly disgusted with myself, Edward began to speak.
"Two days ago it occurred to me that I am alone. I do not want to continue to be alone, and thus I realized I
needed to devise a plan which would end this situation. I also realized I would need the assistance of people
who were more knowledgeable than I am in order to formulate a sound plan. The advice I received was

sound and well grounded. They made me understand that the solution to my problem was far simpler than
I had originally theorized, which brings me to why I am discussing this with you today. ,"
I was completely lost. Edward had been speaking rapidly, pacing as he did, walking ten steps one way, then
ten the other. Although I was not entirely sure of what this plan was Edward had been working on, it
disturbed me greatly that he felt he was alone. A dull ache settled through my chest. Had I failed him as a
friend if he still felt he was alone? I wanted to ask him why he felt this way, but I knew I had to let him finish
what he needed to say without interruption.
"Bella, I need you to have all of the information before you can make a rational and informed decision. You
once gave me this advice, and it worked well. Now I am going to use the same method with you. Is that
alright?" he asked, looking towards me expectantly, having finished his pacing to the left.
"Yes, that's fine with me, although I am a little confused as to why you feel lonely, Edward," I said, thankful
that he gave me the opening I needed to ask the question. I was important to express this in order to have
him fully explain everything to me.
"I shall give you all of the information now so you won't be confused," Edward said with a smile that caused
my own. He turned away and started his recitation once more.
"All those around me are in pairs. I came to the conclusion that if I wished to no longer be alone, I needed to
find a girlfriend so I would also be in a pair."
Edward was so caught up in his own musings that he was oblivious my reaction to his words, and I was
thankful. I felt sick, leaning forward slightly to still the pain that shot through my insides at his words. He
wanted a girlfriend. Someone to be there for him when he needed them. Someone to care for him in the
way that Rose and Emmett and Alice and Jasper did for each other. My breathing sped up in panic,
wondering how I was going to get through this conversation without breaking down. In all of the scenarios
that I had planned, I had never expected THIS. I forced myself to stay calm, pushing the pain and fear aside
in order to listen to Edward. It was important to be his friend right now.
"I consulted Rosalie and Emmett, as they are together and would therefore be able to give me insight into
finding a partner. Rosalie suggested that I list the qualities I needed in a partner, and once I had done this,
Rosalie commented that she knew a person who fulfilled all of these requirements."
I closed my eyes at this point, bracing myself against what I knew would crush me, while trying to prevent
the tears that had been threatening to spill since he mentioned the word 'girlfriend'. I opened them in time
to see Edward once more complete his pacing and turn to me.
"That person is you, Bella,"
I stopped breathing. I stared unblinkingly at Edward, not sure if my constant panic had caused me to finally
lose my grip and begin aurally hallucinating. After a moment I realized I had to start breathing again if I
wanted to stay conscious, and exhaled loudly, my lungs enjoying being able to function once more. Edward
made no mention of my reaction.
"I was informed that you may already have a boyfriend called Jacob, but I received inconclusive
information. I know if you are already in a relationship then I cannot be your boyfriend. However, Rosalie
advised me to give you all of the information and allow you to make your own decision," he finished,
walking back to his original position in front of me, seemingly pleased that he had gotten through all that.

My body and mind finally decided to connect. I automatically stood and walked a few steps to stand close to
Edward, who looked down at me, waiting for my response. Considering that Edward had just posed a
well-formulated argument and explanation, I should have responded in kind. However, the filter between
my thoughts and my mouth seemed to have ceased working.
Instead, words began spilling from my mouth. "I am not in a relationship with Jacob. I don't have a
boyfriend. Not at all. I'm alone as well." It had to be the most ridiculous string of sentences ever, yet it
seemed to make some sort of sense to Edward. He smiled.
"So, you do not have a boyfriend, and I do not have a girlfriend," Edward said, processing the information
while I was internally jumping up and down and screaming with joy. Suddenly, Edward stepped backward
a few paces.
"I am sorry. I was being presumptuous. I do not know if I fit any of your specifications to be your boyfriend.
. You may want to be alone." I smiled at the wonderful, caring man before walking forward to meet him. I
stepped slightly closer and said. "Edward, you are my specifications,"
Edward looked confused. I realized immediately I had to rephrase that statement, so I began again.
"You do meet my specifications Edward, and if you would like me to, I would very much like to be your
girlfriend. I don't really want to be alone anymore either," I confessed, wondering if I sounded stupid.
"I do want you to be mine. My Bella. I'll be yours too. We are exceptionally compatible, and seeing as you
wish to be with me the logical answer is that we should be together. Then we don't have to be alone
anymore."
There was nothing more that I could say to this. Edward's thoughts mirrored my own, and I could not deny
the sense in his argument. So instead, I slowly reached my hand out to his, cautiously looking at him to see
if my advances would be welcome. He simply watched in what seemed to be fascination as I touched my
hand to his. At the contact, he moved his hand, touching our fingers together. The familiar spark shot
through me and for a moment I was frozen. Yet, to my surprise, Edward took this opportunity to extend his
fingers to my wrist and gently traced a path down my hand towards my fingers. The contact caused my
heart to race, and I experienced more joy than I had ever known. As our finger tips touched again, I
captured his fingers, then let go momentarily, flipping my hand around and capturing his hand again.
Edward laced his fingers with mine, his thumb moving across my knuckles, still exploring and feeling.
I looked up to see him staring at our joined hands, his eyes bright and vivid, and there was a small smile on
his face. I knew that there were many things we needed to talk about, and before we did anything further
we had many things that needed to be clarified and learned. But for now, I just wanted to feel, and it
seemed that Edward did too.

~*~

Chapter Fourteen ~ Small Steps

BPOV

Edward was obsessed with my hand. That was the only way that I could explain Edward's actions for the
past ten minutes. Obsessive. We had settled ourselves on the floor, resting close to the piano bench, and still
Edward had not released my hand. I found it endearing and encouraging. Although Edward had previously
mentioned that he did not have a major issue with touch, I was not sure what that entailed, but he seemed
more than comfortable with the small amount of skin on skin contact, and my close proximity. I craved to
be closer to him, to extend our touch to more than simply hand-holding, but I wouldn't dare. It was enough
for now that Edward was fine with this. It held the promise of something more.
I watched, unable to keep the elated smile off my features as Edward continued to trace a path round my
fingers, as if he were memorizing every curve and dent. Once he'd reach the outside of my little finger, he'd
grasp my hand again, smiling widely, his eyes glued to our clasped hands. I didn't want to disturb our
connection, or Edward's moment, but I knew that there were things we had to discuss.
"Edward," I said, drawing his jade eyes towards me. I managed to avoid being completely dazzled, enough
at least to continue with what I had to say.
"There are some things we need to talk about. Edward blinked then sat up slightly, moving so that he was
sitting facing me. I liked this, knowing that he was attempting to show me in his physical movements that I
had his full attention. He squeezed my hand once before answering.
"Okay Bella. What do we need to talk about?" he questioned.
My lack of experience and interest in romantic relationships left me with no idea how one would approach
the idea of becoming a 'couple'. I didn't know if it was something that people just knew at a certain point. If
they simply fell into a comfortable routine that could only be described as "what a couple would do" or if
they had a conversation to define what they were. However, it didn't matter what the usual protocol was
for these situations. It didn't matter how uncomfortable it made me. Because of the circumstances, we
needed to have this conversation. It was imperative to know exactly what each person wanted and
expected from this relationship. Neither of us would be picking up subtle hints and gestures from each
other. Speaking our minds and communicating exactly what we needed would be the only way to ensure
that our relationship would be successful. It's actually a shame people don't behave this way in "normal"
relationships. I stole a glance at Edward and stifled a chuckle as I noticed that his attention had returned to
our intertwined hands while he waited for me to continue.
"Edward, we need to work out exactly what we both want from... this relationship, assuming that is, you do
want us to be a couple," I added quickly. I knew that Edward had told me repeatedly that he wished me to
be his girlfriend, but there was a part of me that worried he did not really comprehend what that entailed.
"Bella?" I looked up to see Edward peering at me closely.
"I want to be in a relationship with you, be your boyfriend, be a couple. However you wish to define it. I
want to be with you, and only you. If I did not, then I wouldn't have said anything. I know that it would be
unfair and impractical of me to say that I wanted this if I would change my mind within a short period of
time," he explained.
Relief flooded through me at his words, knowing that he really did want to be with me in the same way I
wanted to be with him, and he did not view this as a short-term situation. I drew a sense of comfort from
that, knowing Edward took this seriously and would be prepared to take steps to make sure that our
relationship was the best that we could make it. I smiled at him, moving my hand away from his
momentarily to run my fingers across his palm in what I hoped was a soothing motion. Edward seemed

slightly shocked at my movements, his eyes widening, as he stared at our hands. However, he did not tense
or move away, so I assumed that my touch was acceptable.
"That's good to know Edward. I am sorry to keep making you repeat yourself I just think that we need to be
sure this is what we both want before we go any further."
Edward looked up at me. "Is this what you want Bella? I only want this if you do too. Relationships can only
be effective if both participants are happy," he replied.
"This is definitely what I want Edward. I want you. That's all. I don't..." I paused, taking comfort in the feel of
my hands against his before I confessed.
"I don't really have any experience with relationships. I have never found anyone I wanted to be with in this
way... until now," I admitted, avoiding looking at his face out of embarrassment.
"I don't have any experience either, Bella. You are the only person I have ever wanted to be my girlfriend,"
he said in return, and I found myself drawn back to his face. He offered me a smile and I couldn't help but
smile back at the acceptance I found there. He had not found anyone he was interested in until now either,
so he did not find my own lack of experience unusual. The sense of comfort I drew from Edward increased
ten-fold as he simply accepted this confession without judgement.
We sat in silence for a few minutes, Edward seemingly content with what had passed between us. He
shuffled back slowly into his original position, his back resting against the piano bench in the same way
that mine was. My hand was now hot and damp, but Edward did not seem to mind, as he insisted on
keeping it in his.
"You have to tell me what you're thinking."
I turned to look at Edward as he spoke.
"I can't read you face, or your body language. I don't understand hints or subtle messages. You have to tell
me what you want, or if I do something wrong. Otherwise, there will be no chance of me understanding," he
insisted, his gaze locked on me. I nodded slowly, applying pressure to his hand as I did.
"I will Edward. Don't worry," I replied. He relaxed slightly at my reply, going back to playing with my hand.
We were still for a few minutes, content with what had passed between us. I glanced at Edward, and, seeing
no tension at my close proximity, decided to try something. We were not touching, but I was close enough
so that I could achieve what I wanted. Slowly, as not to alarm him, and to be able to pull away if needed, I
leaned my body towards his, angling my head towards his shoulder. As we touched, Edwards's movements
across my hand stopped. I tensed, the position slightly uncomfortable as I was ready to right myself at a
moment's notice. However, after a few pregnant seconds, Edward's fingers lightly continued on their
exploration. I sighed internally, closing my eyes and shifting myself so that I could lean against him
comfortably. I glanced up, watching him as he raised our intertwined hands to his eye level, as he studied
them. I closed my eyes, fighting the urge to nuzzle into him further. We were taking small steps to
something greater, and so far it was working out nicely.
"Bella... Bella... Bella!" I winced and glared at Alice as she poked me in the ribs with the end of her pen.
"Yes?"I whispered, hating how even at this low pitch, my voice seemed to reverberate through the
otherwise silent library. Alice frowned at me.

"You do realize that you've been staring at the same page of that book for twenty minutes. What's with you?
You've been out of it all day," she asked, her eye widening with concern. I sighed, not looking Alice in the
eye as I lied quickly.
"It's nothing, I just didn't sleep well." Alice frowned, then without another word, went back to her notes. I
felt terrible. In actual fact, I had been avoiding Alice for most of the morning. I had woken up with the
knowledge that I had forgotten to talk to Edward about waiting to inform Alice and Esme about our
relationship. I knew that we would have to tell them eventually, but I wanted to work out exactly how to
approach them, and inform them in a way that would be appropriate. I was under no delusions. I was
almost certain that Alice and Esme would be against the idea. I did not want to cause upset within the
Cullen household. I knew that it had been Emmett who helped Edward before he had spoken to me, so at
least he was on my side. It was delicate situation and I needed time to think of what to do. A rustling sound
beside me caught my attention, and I looked up to see Alice collecting her notes.
"I'm going to class. See you later," she said, leaving without looking at me. I huffed, dropping my head back
in aggravation. I had hurt her feelings. She knew that something was off, and I was refusing to speak to her
about it, yet right now, there was nothing I could do about it. I shifted in my seat, turning my head to gaze in
the direction that Alice had gone, only to see Angela walking towards me.
"Hey, I was about to come and meet you," I whispered in greeting. Angela grinned and set her books down
beside me, brandishing a sheet as she did so.
"Class is cancelled, but we have some work to do instead. I thought you would be in here, and I passed Alice
on my way who told me where to find you," she explained. I nodded in response, reaching out to take the
sheet of instructions, but she snatched it from my grasp.
"Do you really think I'm going to let you get away without telling me what happened yesterday?" she asked.
I choked back a laugh, and motioned for her to sit. I wasn't usually one for "girl talk", but I desperately
needed someone to confide in, and I knew that Angela was the best person for the job.
"So, did you tell him?" she asked, leaning forward slightly in interest. I shook my head.
"No, I didn't actually. He told me,"
Angela looked completely confused, so I launched into an account of what had passed between me and
Edward yesterday. Her smile grew and grew with every passing second. Once I reached the end of my story,
I found myself engulfed in a hug.
"Yes! I am so happy for you both!" she cried, causing those around us to glare at her in annoyance. I blushed
on her behalf as she pulled away, sending apologetic glances to the other patrons.
"Yes, it's good," I replied lamely. Angela frowned.
"What's the matter?"
I sighed. "I need to tell Alice, and I don't know how to. She can already tell I'm keeping secrets from her, and
it's not fair of us to keep something like this a secret. Besides, I don't think Edward likes the idea of keeping
secrets." Angela's elated look disappeared.

"I can tell you now that Alice isn't going to like it. Though, I am sure if you and Edward explain everything
to her in the right way, she will come around. It's Esme you really need to worry about. I can't see her
taking this well."
I nodded as confusion and worry seeped through me. Why couldn't any of this be simple? Angela seemed to
notice my change in attitude, because she immediately started explaining what books we should read to aid
us with our work. I joined in enthusiastically, trying to forget my worries for the time being.
"I'm coming to see you! I miss you too much baby!" I snorted into the phone, glad that no one was around to
hear me.
"Mom, it's been two weeks," I whined as I searched in vain for something to cook for dinner. I had been so
busy that I had neglected to go grocery shopping. I made a mental note to go after school tomorrow.
"I know, but I miss my little girl. You must be dying out there, baby. I know how much of a drag Forks can
be." I pushed aside the small pang of hurt that her words caused. Her flippant remarks about her
relationship with my father had always bothered me, but it had only increased once I realized how deeply
my father still cared for her.
"It's actually not bad. I guess Forks is kinda growing on me," I replied, locating a packet of pasta at the back
of a cupboard. There was silence on the other end of the line as I grabbed the pasta and walked towards the
fridge.
"What's his name?" I stumbled, almost tripping over my own feet in shock.
"What?" I cried. Renee laughed.
"Oh sweetie, don't act dumb with me. A mother knows these things. Come on, tell me!" I could feel my face
heating up as I spoke.
"Edward Cullen," I mumbled.
"Edward... that's an unusual name. So where did you meet him? How old is he? What does he do? Have
you..."
"Mom, slow down!" I said with a laugh as I pulled out a packet of tomatoes and began my search for olive
oil. "Okay, so I met him at Meadow View Academy. He was practicing piano there because his was broken.
He's twenty like I am and he's doing a masters in mechanical engineering,"
"A masters...already... and a musician? Is his father single?" my mother said with a laugh
"MOM!" I cried as she continued to howl with laughter.
"You know I'm joking, baby," she said, before yelling into the background "I love you honey!" I heard Phil
say something then laugh, before my mother returned.
"He sounds wonderful Bella. He's obviously extremely intelligent," she said.
"Yes, he really is. Music and mechanics are his special interests, so he is exceptionally knowledgably in
those fields," I explained.

She must have picked up something from what I said. "He has Autism?"
"Aspergers" I confirmed, grateful that my mom wasn't making a big deal out of it. She knew better.
"Ah, I see, that makes sense. Have you kissed him yet?" she asked slyly. I rolled my eyes at her question.
"No mom I haven't," I said. She tsked.
"Well, hurry up and kiss the poor boy, Bella. You can't stay celibate forever."
"Mother! I am going to hang up now," I said angrily, almost certain that my face was positively glowing with
embarrassment.
"Sorry baby, I didn't mean it like that. Just... enjoy this, Bella. You worry me you know? You're so driven, so
serious, which is a good thing, but you need something else in your life besides work." I leaned against the
counter, smiling sadly at my mother's concern. She had always wanted me to be so focused on my studies
in the past. It was nice to hear that she wanted me to have fun.
"I know mom. I am enjoying it. Really," I assured her.
"Good girl. Oh, and I want a picture of him," she demanded. I laughed.
"Okay, I'll get one and email it to you," I promised, "Anyway, enough about my love life. How's training
going?"
"It's okay Jena, its okay. Can you open your hand and let me see?" I asked patiently as I crouched in front of
the crying little girl. Jena sniffed, hiccupping as the tears continued to cascade down her cheeks. Slowly she
held out her hand, little whimpers of pain escaping her as she opened it.
"Oh sweetheart, you are being really brave. Will you let me take you inside so I can take out the stinger and
clean your hand?" I asked. Jena hiccupped again before nodding.
"Thank you Jena. I promise it won't take long," I said, standing and moving behind her to push her chair.
"Bad bee," she whimpered as I wheeled her towards the ramp. I smiled, resisting the familiar urge to hug
her.
"Yes, it was a bad bee for hurting you," I replied. Jena nodded, cradling her hand against her.
"Bees are bad. They hurt. That's why I was hitting it. Then it stung me. Bad bee," she said, as another round
of quiet sobbing began. I sighed, shaking my head as I made my way towards the nurse's office. I knew that
now was not the appropriate time to explain to her that she was almost certainly stung because she'd hit
the bee. Considering that the day was almost over, I would mention it to her mother when she collected her.
The nurse was a lovely woman, exceptionally patient and sympathetic, just as she needed to be. Jena
insisted that I be the one to clean up her hand. I did have the training, so I was able to comply, with the
nurse observing me.
"Since you have been so brave, I think you deserve to choose your own band aid," I announced. Jena nodded

her head vigorously, exceptionally pleased by the idea. She ended up with a bright pink hello kitty one that
she proudly showed her mother when she got there, explaining exactly what had happened with the 'bad
bee.' I smiled apologetically at her mother, who laughed and thanked me before helping her daughter with
her chair. As I left, I heard her remark to Jena that she should not have hit the bee, no matter how bad it
was.
"Bless her, that kid is adorable," Angela said as we watched them leave. I smiled at her, nodding. Despite the
fact that Jena vomited on Angela on a regular basis, she was incredibly attached to her. It was hard not to
be.
"Are you meeting Edward?" she asked, turning back to me.
"Yup, I always do. I'll see you in morning," I said.
Angela winked. "Have fun!" she called to my retreating back as I practically skipped towards the music
room.
Edward was almost an hour late. I was trying my best not to panic, but with every minute that passed, it
was becoming increasingly difficult. The more that I panicked, the darker my thoughts became. Edward
was never late, his routine forbade it. I couldn't help but jump to the conclusion that something horrible had
happened. I was just about to start hyperventilating over my conclusion that he was lying dead on the side
of the road, when the door clicked open.
"Hello Bella, how was your day?" I stared at Edward, completely frozen as he walked towards me. He was
fine. No bruises, stab wounds of missing limbs.
"You're late!" I blurted out as he approached me.
"No, I am on time. I had to adjust my routine as my tutor could not see me until twelve, so I had to push
everything back an hour," he explained patiently.
"But...but you didn't tell me Edward. I didn't know. I have my own routine, my own things that I have to do.
Besides, I thought that something terrible had happened to you!" I ranted, unable to keep the frustration
and anger out of my voice. The smile that had graced Edward's features when he entered the room fell
instantly.
"I didn't think about it like that. I'm sorry Bella," he replied. I couldn't take the dismayed look on his face, so
I moved forward and took his hand in mine. He looked up at me, his eyes displaying his sorrow and shame.
I offered him a smile.
"It's okay Edward. I know that it's hard for you, but in the future, you should try and remember that if you
need to change an event in your day, you have to let the other person know," I said gently.
"I know. I forget sometimes that I need to think about other people's routines. I am not really used to
having to inform others about changes in my schedule. I am sorry that I made you angry, Bella. I'm already
being a terrible boyfriend," he said.
My eyes widened at his statement, and my grip on his hand tightened.
"No, Edward, you're not a terrible boyfriend. It was just a misunderstanding. I'm not angry at you.. I was

just scared that something had happened to you," I insisted.

Edward looked up at me silently for a second. Then, slowly, he moved his other hand, bringing it up to trace
the side of my face affectionately. I shivered at the contact, the familiar spark that his touch ignited shooting
to my toes.
"I am fine, my Bella. I didn't mean to worry you," he said softly. I smiled at him, feeling my tension dissipate
at his touch.
"It's okay Edward, and I'm sorry, but I really do need to go now. I have to go shopping before my father
returns home," I explained. Edward traced the bottom of my chin slowly, and then removed his hand from
my face.
"Okay. May I walk you to your car?" he asked politely.
"Yes, I would like that," I said. He smiled, and the two of us walked hand in hand out of the music room,
towards the exit.
"Bella, are you free tomorrow evening?" Edward asked as we left the building.
"Yes, why?" I replied.
"I would like to take you on a date. As we are now a couple and it is something that we should do. I would
like to take you to dinner at seven tomorrow," he announced. I smiled widely.
"I would love to go to dinner with you," I replied, bouncing on my heels slightly in excitement.
"Good. I shall pick you up at six then," he announced.
"Okay. I'll see you tomorrow," I said, squeezing his hand. Edward nodded, and the two of us parted, walking
to our separate cars.
"Bella!"I turned as Edward called my name.
"I think you should introduce me to your father as your boyfriend. It is only polite that I should introduce
myself to him," he said, before getting into his car. I stood stunned as Edward pulled away, my mind reeling
at his words.
Charlie was definitely not going to like this.

~*~

Chapter Note:
Those with AS find it exceptionally difficult to see the point of view of others and are motivated by their
own interests. Thus, Edward did not tell Bella he would be late, as once he had sorted out everything
for himself, he was satisfied.

~*~

Chapter Fifteen ~ First Date

BPOV
"A date? Tonight?" I nodded, sipping on the Styrofoam cup of hot chocolate, unable to keep the smile off my
face.
"Yes. The words 'I have a date with Edward Cullen' have been the only clear thought I've had since
yesterday evening," I admitted. Angela threw her head back and laughed as we walked together.
"You are so far gone it's unbelievable! Are you nervous?" she asked. I hesitated before answering.
"Not about the actual date. More of what's coming before-hand," I said. Angela looked at me quizzically and
I groaned.
"Edward wants to meet Charlie." Angela frowned.
"Is that going to be a problem?" she asked. I sighed, my hands tightening around my drink as I explained.
"Charlie is not really a fan of Edward. The only thing he knows about him is that he punched me in the face.
That's hardly going to give him a great impression of the guy who is coming to pick me up for a date. Plus, I
have no idea what Charlie is going to think about me dating someone with AS." Angela raised an eyebrow.
"Do you think he would care?"
I shrugged. "I don't know. He's not exactly supportive of my work. I have no idea if it would bother him or
not."
Angela offered me a sympathetic smile. "I think you're worrying too much, Bella. Your dad will be fine with
Edward. I think you're feeling that everyone's out to get you and your new relationship. Just try and enjoy
the fact that Edward is taking you out tonight," she coaxed. I smiled fully at her words, causing her to throw
her head back and laugh.
"That's more like it! So, do you know what you're doing?" she asked. I shook my head.
"Not really. I know he's taking me to dinner, but I don't know where or if that is the extent of our evening. I
guess I'll just have to wait and see."
Angela smirked. "I thought you hated surprises," she hedged. My steps faltered as I walked, and I could see
Angela smirking in my peripheral. I hadn't really thought about my dislike for surprises. I had been too
caught up in my worry and elation to think about. Yet for some reason, I no longer minded if it was Edward
who wanted to surprise me.
"There seems to be an exception to my hatred," I muttered, causing Angela to smile.
"Bless you, you're so sweet. Although it does mean that we can't shop for an outfit for you," she said. I rolled
my eyes at her.
"As fun as that sounds, I really don't need a new outfit for one evening." I answered.

She laughed, "Good thing you're not with Alice! She'd be dragging you to every store by now!"
"I know! Thank God for small favors!" I said, relieved she wasn't going to fight me on this.
By five- forty-five I was regretting my previous blas attitude towards my attire for the evening. I had
stared at my wardrobe for far too long, wondering why I suddenly had the feeling none of my clothes were
appropriate. Eventually I simply settled for dark jeans, a semi-formal green top I did not recall buying, and
my one and only pair of black ballet flats. I now found myself staring vaguely in the mirror, wondering if I
should change. I was stalling on all fronts. Charlie had been home for over an hour and I still hadn't
informed him of my plans for the evening . I stared forlornly in the mirror once more before walking to my
bed and retrieving my bag. I now only had ten minutes until Edward would arrive, and I could not stall any
longer. Warily, I made my way downstairs, trying to envision my father's reaction to my news. I only came
up with worst-case scenarios, so I decided to just get it over with.
"Dad?" I called, not seeing him on the couch.
"In the kitchen Bells. I'm off to Harry Clearwater's in about an hour, so I'm grabbing some leftovers," he
called.
I smiled to myself as I walked towards the kitchen, thankful that Charlie would not be around for the
evening. I could see him, waiting diligently until I returned home, one eye on the television and one looking
out of the window. Although he knew I was by far old enough to date, because he hadn't been there through
my teenage years, he still had difficulties seeing me as an adult. In Charlie's eyes I was eternally ten,
wearing braces and hero-worshipping him. Charlie turned around as I entered, his eyes widening slightly
when he noticed my appearance.
"I take it you're going out, Bells?" he asked, his tone curious and somewhat hopeful rather than accusatory.
Once again, Charlie seemed happy that I was off socializing rather than cutting myself off and working.
"Yes... I err... I have a date," I spluttered, feeling all the awkwardness I had imagined having this discussion
with him. Charlie's face turned a strangely dark color, and he suddenly couldn't look me in the eye.
"Oh... that's great Bells, hope you have a good night," he said, busying himself with the container of chili. I
winced at his back, feeling sorry for him, knowing that he was going to hate what was coming.
"He wants to meet you dad... introduce himself before we go," I stated. Charlie turned around to look at me,
a mixture of fear and confusion on his face. I realized it must have seemed like an odd request, and
somewhat old-fashioned. This was probably a good thing. It made Edward seem more respectful than most
boys in this day and age. Maybe it would soften the blow.
"Oh... uh... yes, okay. When is he going to be here? What's his name?" Charlie muttered, still not meeting my
eyes. This awkward conversation was about to get much worse. I'd have to stop leaving out the crucial
facts.
"He'll be here in a few minutes, and we're leaving at six. It's Edward Cullen," I said, bracing myself for the
inevitable. As I expected, Charlie visibly tensed at the name.
"Edward Cullen? Isn't that the boy who punched you in the face?"

"Yes dad, but..."

"The boy's not really all in there in the head. What if he decides he doesn't like what you do again and takes
it out on you physically?" he said.
My body froze as anger flooded my veins. I knew that Charlie's anger at Edward's initial reaction towards
me was fuelling his rant, and I understood why he was not taking this lying down. However, that was no
excuse for such cruel statements concerning his mental state. I swallowed the anger that his comment
sparked, opting to try and make Charlie understand.
"Dad, as I said before, that was a one-off circumstance and was actually my fault. I know you find that
difficult to accept, but it's true. It was my mistake, not his and I know that Edward would never hurt me
intentionally. It was simply a misunderstanding."
Charlie stared back at me as if I had grown an extra head.
"Bella, what sort of misunderstanding leaves you with a bruised jaw? The Cullens are good people Bella, I
remember that from when they lived around here, but the youngest, there was always something not right
about him. Not looking at you when you spoke to him, staring at pictures for hours on end and not moving,
screaming himself hoarse when things didn't go his way, pushing kids over in the playground. You could
tell that, despite all his parents were doing for him, he would grow up to be no good. I know he has some
sort of problem, but Bella, that should be a reason to stay out of his way, not date him. You never know
when he might turn on you. It was his fist last time, but next time it could be a knife. You can't predict what
people like that will do. "
I was livid. Charlie was talking about Edward as if he was criminally insane; even though I knew he'd had
had no contact with Edward since the Cullens moved to Seattle. Of course, when Edward had been younger,
he was still learning how to cope with his AS, and would have been more prone to losing control. Charlie
was basing his arguments on what he had witnessed more than ten years ago. He had not seen Edward
recently, so couldn't know what he was like as an adult. He also consistently disregarding everything I said,
clinging to his own preconceived ideas. I had explained fully why Edward had punched me in the wake of
the event, yet no matter how many times I tried to explain, my words fell on deaf ears. I swallowed, my eyes
filling with angry tears as I fought to stay in control. If this was anyone else but my father speaking, I would
have torn them a new one by now. I had no tolerance for those who thought of people with ASD in this way,
and I had made that exceptionally clear to others in the past. I stared levelly at Charlie, fighting to restrain
myself from screaming at him.
"Dad, he has Asperger's Syndrome. He is not mentally unstable or dangerous," I replied, my voice not far
from being a hiss. Charlie eyed me skeptically.
"Bella, he punched you in the jaw. Anyone who does that because you walked into a room is both mentally
unstable and dangerous in my book," he said.
"I've already explained that to you!" I cried, unable to stop myself from raising my voice. Charlie huffed and
shook his head, not interested in my argument.
"Why can't you date someone normal Bella?" he muttered, turning away from me. That did it.
"Thanks for being so supportive Charlie. I'll be going now, out on a date with a person who, despite being
'mentally unstable', has still managed to achieve more in his life than you ever have. Good night," I shot

back, turning on my heel and practically running to the door.

I knew it was a low blow, attacking Charlie due to his lack of education. I knew that my father had sacrificed
his dreams once my mother had become pregnant, but my filter tended to leave the room when I was
surrounded by close-minded people. I heard by father yell my name, but I didn't bother to acknowledge
him. My emotions were askew, and I needed to regain control before I saw Edward. I grabbed my coat, and
slammed the front door a little harder than necessary, feeling immature for doing so, but revelling in the
satisfaction the small violent action gave me. I walked down the steps, closing my eyes as a few stray tears
escaped. I inhaled deeply, trying to calm myself. My moment was cut short by the sound of a car cutting
through the gravel of the drive way. I hastily wiped my eyes as Edward parked, and I walked over to meet
him. He was out of the car and by my side in an instant, automatically capturing my hand in his.
"Good evening Bella, I have missed you," he said, smiling brightly. His adorable honesty hit my fluctuating
emotions hard, and I had to fight the tears once more.
"Hi Edward, I've missed you too. Can we go now?" I asked, tugging his hand and trying to draw him back to
the car. Edward shook his head.
"I have to introduce myself to your father. That is the polite thing to do," he said, making a move towards
the house. I pulled my hand from his and moved to step in front of him, blocking his path.
"No, Edward, don't, that's not a good idea. You don't need to do that," I insisted.
I couldn't tell him exactly why I did not want him to meet Charlie. I was ashamed that my father could not
see past his own beliefs and refused to listen to me, and I also I could not have Charlie upsetting Edward
over an event that, in Edward's mind, had been resolved weeks ago. My eyes were watering badly now,
because I knew if he walked through that door, everything would crash down around me. Edward sighed,
obviously frustrated by my actions.
"Bella, this is what I have to do as your boyfriend if I wish to take you on a date. It is the proper way for me
to act," he insisted, trying to step around me.
"Edward," I said, but it came out as a strangled sob, my tears finally getting the best of me. At the sound of
my voice Edward paused, and before I really registered what was happening, I stepped forward, pulling
him to me, my head on his shoulder, my arms loosely looped around his back. He stayed rigid as I sobbed
quietly, my tears seeping through his shirt.
"Can we please just go? Please?" I whispered shakily, trying to regain control. Without warning, Edward
wrapped his hands around my waist, hugging me to him harder than I expected. He rocked me slightly, and
I closed my eyes, my tears ceasing as he held me.
"Please don't cry My Bella," he murmured, his lips close to my ear, "We can go now if it will stop you from
feeling like this." I nodded against him, and then pulled away, wiping my eyes as I did. Edward refused to let
go, staring down at me silently.
"I don't understand why you are crying," he said. I sighed.
"My father said something that upset me. I am sorry you had to see me like this," I said, my face flushing.
Edward tipped his head to the side, still looking down at me.

"I don't want to see you cry. I don't like it," he said, before pulling me back into his arms. I sighed and drew
him closer to me once more
We ended up at Port Angeles, and Edward let me know that he had made reservations at an Italian
restaurant. I nodded, offering him a smile as he opened my door for me. The car journey had been quiet,
Edward occasionally asking if I was feeling alright as we drove. My thoughts were mixed. My excitement for
the evening had been dulled by my father's words. It just seemed that the world was against us, with more
and more obstacles appearing every day. I sighed, instinctively drawing closer to Edward as we walked
down the street, gripping his hand tighter. I could feel him looking at me as I did so, as if he were trying to
read my mind. Suddenly, he stopped.
"Bella, would you please wait here for a second," he said. I frowned, looking at where we had stopped. It
was a small crafts shop, advertising a sale on easels and oil paints. In the window was a display. Someone
had created a perfect copy of an elaborately composed bouquet of flowers upon the easel, the inspiration
sitting next to it.
"Okay," I said warily. Edward smiled, squeezing my hand, and then maintaining a loose grip on it. I giggled
as he walked away. Our arms were outstretched, hands, and then fingers touching, keeping our contact
until the last second before he entered the shop. I sighed, turning away from the shop. I felt terrible.
Edward had planned this evening perfectly, and I was ruining his schedule. I had been miserable and quiet
in the car, unable to stop my mind from wandering back to Charlie's accusations. I was trying not to let his
judgemental tendencies get to me, but I was slightly worried. If that was my father's reaction, then how on
earth would Esme fare when we broke the news to her?
"I hope this makes you feel better."
I blinked as something red swam into view. It took a few moments for me to realize what was being held in
front of my face, but once I did, I couldn't stop myself from smiling. I lifted my hand and took the small
object out of Edward's fingers. It was a red rose, probably from the bouquet that had been in the window.
Upon closer inspection, I saw it was not a real rose, but a dried one. Perfectly preserved. I loved that he was
continuing with the trend. First the wooden flowers, and now this. It was something special between us
that had more meaning than any other gesture he could have performed. I turned and looked at Edward,
smiling.
"Thank you. I love it," I said. Edward smiled.
"I really should have bought you flowers before-hand, as that is what people do on a first date. I am sorry
for not doing that. The roses made you smile before, and I just want you to smile again. I like your smile a
lot, so I am always going to do everything I can to make you smile," he announced. I grinned and nearly
threw myself at him, my arms wrapping around his neck, his arms going around my waist.
"I also like hugging you. I like having you close to me, and I like that you bring me close to you," Edward
admitted. I drew him as close as I could, just holding him for a moment and allowed him to feel what he
enjoyed so much from physical contact. After a few moments, we parted, and Edward immediately took my
hand as a compromise as we made our way towards the restaurant.
"I eat Italian on Saturdays, and this restaurant was suggested to me," Edward announced as we walked
hand in hand through the door. We were ushered to our seats immediately by a tall, blonde waitress who
continuously flicked her hair and batted her eyelashes unashamedly at Edward. I tried to let it slide, but by
the time she came to take our order, her flirting was starting to get to me. When she grudgingly

acknowledged me, I took Edward's hand in my own while ordering, kissing his knuckles once for good
measure as I spoke to her. She shot daggers at me and flounced off, and I couldn't help but grin.
"You kissed my hand,"
I turned to see Edward staring at me. I blushed.
"Umm... sorry. The waitress was flirting with you, and it annoyed me,"
Edward blinked.
"So how does kissing my hand help?" he asked. I sighed, rubbing my thumb across his knuckles.
"It showed her that you're mine. I'm sorry I did that, but I couldn't stand how she was looking at you," I
replied, feeling bad that I had used him in that way.
"If she was flirting with me, then she is stupid, as I am with you and therefore cannot even entertain the
thought of another woman. I have a girlfriend who is exactly who I want. I don't want anyone else," he said
simply. I smiled, my heart skipping a beat at his adorable reasoning. I lifted his hand and kissed it once
more.
"You did it again."
I grinned, kissing it once more before replying.
"I like doing it," I said simply. In truth, I didn't want to kiss his hand. I would much rather it be his lips, yet I
had no idea how Edward would feel about that. If he would be comfortable attempting to move our physical
relationship forward slightly.
"I think I like it as well," Edward said, staring at our hands, "It feels odd, but nice. I didn't really like it the
first time though because the pressure was too light."
I nodded, bringing his hand to my lips and kissing it firmly. A smile broke out on his face.
"I do like it when the pressure is correct. I can feel it all through my hand. It just takes some getting used to.
"
I laughed, glad that he was not opposed to what I was sure would become one of my favorite activities.
"May I try kissing your hand, Bella?" I nodded, his formal attitude and curiosity making him even more
adorable. He smiled before lifting my hand closer, yet instead of kissing my knuckles, he turned my hand
over and placed his lips to my wrist. I gasped slightly, the feel of his lips shifting something within me, my
heart beat escalating at the contact. His lips were firm, due to his dislike of light touch, which only
heightened the intensity of the caress. He pulled away slowly, his eyes seemingly black in the dim light of
the restaurant. I was hypnotized. My mouth was dry and my breathing oddly shallow.
"Your pulse is erratic. I can feel it," he whispered, before lowering his lips back to my wrist, except this time
he placed a series of kisses across the vein. My eyes fluttered shut at the sensation, everything around me
disappearing as I drowned in the feel of his lips on my skin.

"One risotto fungi e piselli and one pennette al forno," I jumped, my knee hitting the table in shock at the
unexpected voice. I winced, my hand slipping out of Edward's in order to somehow help soothe my knee.
"Bella, are you hurt?" Edward's concerned voice filled my ears.
I shook my head. "I'm fine. Don't worry about it, Edward."
The waitress huffed and dumped our food unceremoniously in front of us before leaving.
"Are you sure you are not hurt?" Edward asked, gazing at me. His eyes were jade once more, the darkness
and seduction having been dissipated by the interruption. I nodded.
"I'm honestly fine. Thank you for asking. Let's eat before our food gets cold," I replied, eager to change
topics. Edward nodded and began eating his pasta. I sighed as I ate the risotto, impressed by how
wonderful it was.
"Do you like it?" Edward asked. I nodded, picking up a forkful and offering it to him.
"Would you like to try some?" I asked. He scrunched up his nose and shook his head.
"No, mushrooms are disgusting," he announced. I took my fork away and popped it into my mouth.
"Mushrooms are one of my favorite foods," I replied. Edward sighed.
"It is the texture that I dislike. Food should not feel so artificial, like rubber." I nodded, thinking about it for
a moment.
"I suppose I understand what you mean. They do feel a little odd. The taste is wonderful though. They have
such a unique flavor," I said.
"I can't get past the texture," Edward admitted. I smiled, feeling light and free for the first time this evening.
I was learning and experiencing more with Edward every second, and the more I discovered, the more I
cared for him.
It was on our way home from the restaurant that I asked Edward if he had informed anyone in his family
about our relationship.
"No, I did not see any reason to tell them. If they ask, I will of course not lie, but it is between the two of us,
and has nothing to do with everyone else. Besides, Alice and Jasper have not announced that they are
together, so I do not see any reason why we should," Edward said. I couldn't help but feel relieved. I knew
that I had to tell Alice and Esme soon, but I wanted to wait until the right moment. At least Edward's
thinking gave me a little time to prepare myself.
"We're here," Edward said, turning off the engine as we reached my driveway. Instantly, he was out of the
car and I knew to stay in my seat and allow him to open my door for me.
"I shall walk you to your door," he announced as I excited the car. He took my hand as we began the short
walk towards my dark house, my other clutching the dried rose.
"Thank you for tonight Edward. I had a wonderful time," I said.

"I'm glad. I think we should do this every Saturday, and make it our date night," he said. I smiled, finding
sweetness in the fact that he wanted to make room in his routine to have regular dates.
"I think that's a great idea," I replied. Edward smiled, stopping on the step below me as I approached my
front door. I retrieved my keys from my bag and unlocked the door before turning back to him.
"Goodnight Bella, I will see you on Monday," he said.
I nodded. "Yes, see you Monday Edward," I said.
He smiled, and then turned, retreating to his car. I frowned, feeling strangely empty as I walked through the
door, turning on the hall light and dropping my bag. Before I could really register what was happening, I
hurried back out of the door.
"Edward!" I called. He turned, as I raced towards him.
"Is there something wrong Bella?" he asked. I shook my head, my rational mind still back in the house as I
spoke.
"No, there's just something that I forgot to do."
And with that I leaned in and kissed his lips with the same pressure I had used on his hand. I didn't linger,
afraid that he would reject my advances. It barely lasted half a second, a chaste but firm kiss. I stepped
back, hurriedly bidding him goodnight once more before turning and walking back to my house. I closed
the door and leaned back against it, panting at the adrenaline that was still rushing through my body. After
a few moments, I heard Edward's car peeling away. I knew that I should be concerned about the line I had
just crossed and Edward's lack of reaction, but I could not. There was just something right about the
moment, the empty feeling having disappeared once my lips touched his. It felt like the beginning of
something pivotal and essential for us, and judging by the dark hue of Edward's eyes when I pulled away,
he was not about to object.

~*~

Chapter Notes:
Those with AS often comment that light touches are particularly uncomfortable, almost bordering on
painful.
Risotto Fungi e Piselli - Three mushroom risotto with peas
Pennette al Forno - Baked pasta with four-cheese sauce and salame

~*~

Chapter Sixteen ~ Overload

EPOV
I slammed my fists onto the table as once more my concentration was broken. I closed my eyes and rocked

in my chair, only to have the raised voices cut through my mantra once more. This was inexcusable. I had
calculations to perform in a specific time frame, which could not be done with this level of noise. I stood
abruptly, hoping that I could make the noises cease and still finish all that I had to do this morning. I was
currently ahead of schedule, but that was no excuse for slacking. I crossed the twelve steps to the door,
opened it and walked out. The voices hit me at full force and I winced slightly, disliking the increase in
volume. I tried not to listen to the words that were being spoken, as I knew that it would be rude of me to
listen to a conversation I was not invited into. However, considering the amplification of the voices, it was
almost impossible not to.
"You cannot keep doing this, Esme. They're all adults, including Edward. It's not fair to any of them."
"I'm well aware of the age of my children Carlisle. I was the one who attended all of their birthday parties."
"Don't start this. I'm not in the mood right now."
"Fine. I'm just saying that I don't like it. It's not normal and it's not right."
"Actually, I think it is right and most certainly normal. And for once, Esme, it actually doesn't matter if you
like it or not. It's your son's life, and if he's happy you should be too."
I frowned, stopping at the first of the eighteen steps that lead to where Esme and Dr. Cullen stood arguing.
This was wrong. I couldn't find an equation that worked with this scenario, and it was beginning to scare
me. I closed my eyes, trying to make sense of everything, when without warning, Esme called my name. I
opened one eye to see both of them staring up at me.
"I can hear you in my room," I stated by way of explanation. Esme moved onto the first step from the
bottom, or the eighteenth step from the top, depending on the perspective.
"I'm sorry Edward. We didn't mean to disturb you," she said. I nodded, accepting her apology.
Esme smiled. "Edward, I have to go out, so I won't be around until dinner. Your father will be home though,
so you won't be by yourself," she added.
I blinked. "I don't normally see you before dinner Esme. I have things to do," I said, wondering why this
piece of information was relevant. I didn't see why it mattered who was in the house at any given time as
long as they let me continue with my routine. I actually thought that today it would be a good thing if Esme
left, because she would cease arguing with Dr. Cullen and allow me to work.
Dr. Cullen and Esme started talking with their eyes again, so I looked away quickly and began mentally
working through the equation I had previously been solving.
"Edward?" I ignored the summons until the last number was in place, and then returned my attention to Dr.
Cullen. He smiled at me.
"Would you like to join me in my office?" he asked. I contemplated his request, deciding whether I had time
to speak with him and complete everything in time. Concluding that I did, I complied.
"Yes, Sir," I said, making my way down the eighteen stairs in order to follow Dr. Cullen into his office.
Dr. Cullen and I did not have a routine. His own schedule was tightly packed and could change without

warning, so I had no regular time with him as I did with Bella and Emmett. However he always managed to
fit himself into my routine, so it did not matter that our time together lacked regularity. As long as it was on
my terms, I could deal with it.
I liked conversations with Dr. Cullen. They were always enlightening, never dull, and left me with much to
contemplate, which was something I enjoyed. He was willing to speak about almost anything I suggested,
and he was intellectual enough to know what I was talking about. I usually did not have to rephrase for his
benefit, which meant that our time together was spent productively, and did not leave me feeling annoyed.
Once we had made our way into his office on the ground floor, I took my usual seat in front of the desk. It
was Dr. Cullen's office, so naturally he sat at his desk.
"Son, I hope that what you heard of your mother's and my conversation did not upset you. I am sure that
you must have heard your name mentioned" he said.
I shifted in my seat slightly. I was aware they had mentioned me in their exchange, yet since I was not
supposed to be listening, I had decided not to bring it up. However, Dr. Cullen had brought up the fact first,
so it seemed that he was not angry at me for overhearing.
"I wasn't really trying to listen, as that is rude. I'm not upset, even though I heard my name, because I am
not sure why it was mentioned," I said, a small amount of fear creeping through me. The only time I would
shout was when I was frustrated or did not think before I spoke, so I concluded that since their voices were
raised and my name was mentioned, I must have done something to annoy Dr. Cullen and Esme.
"Well, it is rude for your mother and me to talk about you when you are not there. I apologize deeply for
that," He said, and I nodded, as his statement was true.
Dr. Cullen continued "Your mother and I were originally discussing the fact that you and Bella are spending
a lot of time together recently. Alice mentioned that you were with her again on Saturday night?"
I frowned. "I see Bella on Monday, Wednesday and Friday afternoons. I spend a lot less time with her than I
do playing the piano or studying, so I am not sure if it can be considered 'a lot' of time. Although now that
Saturday has been added to our routine, I suppose that would increase our time spent together," I
explained, trailing off as my mind began to calculate exactly how much time I spent with Bella in relation to
my other activities. I began to get concerned. I wondered if the ratios were correct, and if I was spending
enough time as I should with my girlfriend. I had just about calculated how many hours a week I spent with
Bella, and how many hours I spent playing the piano, when Dr. Cullen addressed me. While I would
normally be annoyed at someone disrupting my thoughts, in this instance I could not, since I was meant to
be conversing with Dr. Cullen. By drifting into my own thoughts, I was being rude.
"I am sorry, I got sidetracked," I said, using a phrase Alice often used.
Dr. Cullen smiled. "It's no problem Edward. I asked if there was a particular reason why you are now going
to be spending Saturday nights with Bella. Is it something to do with the project that you're helping her
with?"
I shook my head. "No, Saturday is our date night," I said.
I had to look away from Dr. Cullen after that. His eyes had grown impossibly large at the statement, larger
even than Alice's. In the silence that followed, I wondered whether it would be safer for me to run out of the
room or wait until his eyes calmed again.

"You're... dating Bella," Dr. Cullen suddenly asked. I risked a glance at him, although I did not quite manage
to look at his face when I answered. It was safer that way.
"I take her on dates... well, 'dates' as of next Saturday. We've only been on one so far. So yes, I believe it
would be considered dating. It's what couples do," I explained.
"So you two are a couple?" I wondered why Dr. Cullen was acting so idiotic today. I normally did not have to
explain myself to him especially with a concept as basic as this.
"Yes. I am her boyfriend, she is my girlfriend. We are a couple. Together. In a relationship. Dating," I said,
using every synonym I could think of in order to reduce my chances of being asked yet again to reiterate.
"Does your mother know about this?" I resisted the urge to hit something at the sporadic questions coming
from Dr. Cullen's mouth. I had no idea what had gotten into him.
"I haven't told her. I don't see why I should, seeing as Alice has not told anyone about
Jasper-from-the-south," I stated.
Dr. Cullen slumped in his chair, muttering something that sounded like 'thank god for that.' I was about to
ask what he meant by that when he started speaking again.
"So, how long have you and Bella been together?" he asked. I smiled as I remembered the day in the music
room.
"Since Wednesday," I confirmed, happy that Dr. Cullen seemed to have come to his senses. He nodded his
head slowly, as if processing the information, which I found strange as all I had only uttered two words.
"Well, I would certainly like to meet your... girlfriend at some point, Edward," he said.
"I could ask her to come to the house after she leaves work?" I offered, happy that Dr. Cullen seemed eager
to meet Bella. I had been upset when I had not been able to meet Chief Swan on Saturday, but Bella had
been so upset that it was not worth me pressing the issue. Nothing was worth making Bella upset.
"Hmmm... yes, that could work, if you wouldn't mind doing what you had planned here. I would very much
like to meet her," he said.
I nodded. "I would like you to meet her too. I don't see how it would interfere; I think we will be doing more
work for her project," I said.
Dr. Cullen nodded, still seemingly pleased with the idea of meeting my Bella later. I decided that it was
probably best for me to take my leave, because the equations were calling me. I excused myself from Dr.
Cullen's office, telling him I would inform him Bella would arrive.
"Edward?" I turned to face him as I was about to shut the door to his office.
"Yes Sir?"
"Remind me later to ask you about Alice and Jasper," he said, before turning towards the bookshelf in
search of something. I frowned as I closed the door, his comment leaving me feeling completely confused.

I stood outside, waiting impatiently for Bella to arrive. Her car was far too slow for my liking. While
traveling was a necessity, I tried to do it as swiftly as possible, as it did not serve any purpose other than to
get you to the event which actually had significance. I severely disliked how my time with my girlfriend was
being wasted. Eventually her car pulled into the driveway, and I wasted no time in opening her door for
her. She sent me a small smile as I did.
"Thank you," she said quietly. I nodded, taking her hand and leading her towards the house. I curled my
fingers around hers as we walked, feeling the pleasing pins and needles sensation through my arm as I did.
Although I was now more used to my body's reaction to physical touch, it did not lessen the effects. I
enjoyed it though, the awareness of Bella that the feeling gave.
"Edward?"
I turned back to see that Bella had stopped, her arm outstretched where we were still connected over the
distance. I immediately walked back to her, worried about the strain I could be causing on her arm.
"Yes?" I asked, reaching up with my other hand to slowly rub her arm, hoping to sooth any pain I may have
caused. Bella stared at my actions for a moment before shaking her head and looking back at me.
"I...umm... I'm scared," she said. I stopped, feeling confused and worried. What had I done to make her
afraid?
"Of what?" I asked, stepping closer to her. I had the urge to embrace her, craving the feeling of every nerve
humming with our connection. Instead I decided to simply hold both of her hands in mine so that I could
see her face while she was speaking.
"What if your father doesn't approve of me?"
I was astounded by her fear. It was completely irrational to me. However, Bella seemed to truly be
concerned by this. I sighed, slightly aggravated that I would have to take time out of our schedule to pacify
her fears.
"Bella, that is completely illogical. You are intelligent, caring, interesting and everything else that I could
want. What could Dr. Cullen possibly not approve of?" I asked.
Bella's head snapped up at my words, and she peered at me closely. She dropped my left hand, and I
wondered if I had done something wrong. I was slightly stunned when she raised her hand to rest on the
side of my face, her finger tips leaving a combination of ice and fire in their wake as they made a path from
my temple to my cheek. I shuddered, my head dropping as the sensations overtook me. It was not
unpleasant, more shocking as I had not expected it. Bella shifted forward, standing up straighter as her
hand rested on my face, the heel of her hand fixed perfectly under my chin. Delicately, she rested her
forehead against mine. I froze, forcing myself to enjoy the touch and not to panic.
I was instantly reminded of our brief encounter on Saturday evening. Bella had kissed me... well, that is
what I believe she had done as the contact was almost too concise to name. I had never kissed anyone
before, but from what I knew, kissing someone was not meant to last for such a short period of time. Bella
had begun to kiss me, and then pulled away. The only rational explanation I could come up with for her
behavior was that I had done something wrong. Why else would she decide to change her actions? I did not
really have enough time to respond to her kiss, but obviously within the fraction of a second that passed, I

had not reacted well. Could she tell that I was going to be terrible at kissing and decided to pull away?
Having no experience of any sort would logically mean that I was not going to be good at it, but it had hurt
that Bella disliked it so much that she had not even tried to continue. Now, we were face to face and I had
no idea what to do. I had no sequence of numbers that could direct me to the final answer, and my panic
was rising by the second. How did one know if they should kiss someone? Should I try and kiss Bella, or was
Bella supposed to kiss me? Yet would Bella want to kiss me since I was going to be terrible at it?
I was not sure what to do in this position and it was not being helped by Bella's close proximity. While I
enjoyed being close to Bella, I was left feeling slightly claustrophobic with her face so close to mine. I had
never experienced contact like this. It felt intimate and strange, close but almost too close. I was tempted to
pull away before my panic became too much, but I did not want to upset Bella even further. So instead, I
closed my eyes.
I sighed, feeling my body give in and relax as with one sense blocked, my others heightened. I did not feel so
constricted, my panic fading. I could only feel her. The rougher texture of the pads of her finger tips. The
small amount of friction caused as our forehead rubbed together. The way that my skin tickled and
shuddered pleasantly as she made minute circles with her index finger on the skin below my ear. I no
longer worried about what was expected of me, and simply allowed myself to feel "us".
"You're everything I could want as well," she whispered, the heated temperature of her breath contrasting
greatly with that of my skin. I gasped again, feeling as if hot liquid coursed through each place her breath
touched, the heat almost unbearable, yet somehow addictive. It unnerved me that the pain was almost akin
to pleasure, so I slowly broke away from her, only re-opening my eyes once I felt her hand slip away. Bella
was still looking up at me, and I wondered if she was hurt by my retreat. So I quickly took up her hand once
more, kissing the inside of her wrist as I had done on our date. I was rewarded with one of her attractive
smiles, and I couldn't help but return it.
"Shall we go inside? I really want you to meet Dr. Cullen, but I would like to spend as much time with you as
I can before you have to leave," I said, feeling the pressure of our lost time.
Bella nodded, "Let's go" she said, before taking up my hand once more and walking with me into the house.
"Ah, Bella, it's nice to finally meet you. I've heard so much about you," Dr. Cullen said as he politely offered a
hand to Bella. Her face turned crimson as she held out the hand that was not clutching mine to grasp his.
"Thank you Dr. Cullen, it's nice to meet you too," she replied. He laughed, releasing her hand after a
moment.
"Please call me Carlisle, Bella. Outside of work, only Edward feels the need to call me by my title," he
explained. I turned to Bella.
"Would you like something to eat or drink?" I asked, causing her to jump slightly in her seat.
"Oh... umm, juice would be good," she said. I nodded, kissing her hand once more as I stood. I turned
towards Dr Cullen, and he grinned at me.
"A refill would be lovely, son," he said, holding out his mug to me.
I took it, resisting the urge to argue. Boiling water would take far longer than pouring a glass of juice,
meaning I would yet again have to spend more time than I anticipated without my Bella. However, I could

not refuse. It would be impolite. I walked the thirty three steps from the living room to the kitchen, filling
the kettle as soon as I could, while preparing my Bella's juice and Dr. Cullen's tea. The time it took for the
kettle to boil felt like an eternity, yet I knew logically that it was of course only fifty one seconds. It seemed
that time moved strangely on days when Bella was around.
With the tea and juice in my hands, I hurried as fast as I could, without spilling the drinks, back to the living
room.
"... continued to squeeze my hand with the glass embedded in it. We both ended up in the emergency room,
and I ended up having to stay in isolation for weeks because I couldn't do my finals with my left hand!"
Bella said, finishing her story as I walked into the room. Both Bella and Dr. Cullen turned to me, Bella
offering me a bright smile. Dr. Cullen took his drink immediately, thankfully leaving me free to concentrate
on Bella, which was what I should be doing. This was after all, the time I devoted to her.
"Thank you," she said, taking the juice in one hand, and wrapping the fingers of her other around mine. I
became distracted at the sensation once again, marveling at how perfectly our hands seemed to fit together,
like two pieces of a puzzle.
"Well, I'd better leave you two kids to it," Dr. Cullen said, rising from his chair.
I nodded. "Yes, that would be best," I replied considering that he had taken up too much of my Bella time.
"Edward!" Bella said, and I turned to her questioningly. "That was rude," she said.
"Oh no, Bella, it's fine, I know what he means," Dr. Cullen said, and I smiled at him because I didn't
understand why my words were rude and did not feel like sitting through an explanation right now. Dr.
Cullen made his way over to the door, turning back to us just before he reached it.
"I would say keep the door open... but I know that's impossible. So just... you know, act as if the door was
open. Okay?" he said, then smiled widely and left the room. I turned to Bella to see that Dr. Cullen's last
comment had caused her cheeks to flush.
"What would he gain if I left my door open? That makes no sense. I think Dr. Cullen is losing it," I said.
Instead of answering, Bella burst into laughter, leaving me once again, exceptionally confused.
"So touch really doesn't bother you?" Bella asked, lifting our intertwined hands. I paused, thinking of how
to voice my answer.
"It doesn't bother me, as such. I don't dislike it, except if the pressure is too light. Then it hurts, almost as if
someone is cutting my skin with a tiny blade. I think it's just more intense for me than it is for you."
Bella nodded, using her free hand to jot down my answers in her notebook. She also had a recorder, but she
always made written notes as well. I liked her thoroughness.
"Some touches can be pretty intense for NT's, you know," she said, blushing from the roots of her hair right
down to her neck as she did. I was not quite sure what had caused such a reaction, so I simply answered her
question.
"Every touch is intense for me. It is quite distracting," I replied. Bella's pen stilled, and she raised her eyes
to look at me.

"Should I stop?" she asked, gesturing with her pen to where our joint hands lay. I shook my head.
"I said it's distracting, not that I didn't like it or that I wanted you to stop," I answered. Bella stayed silent
for a moment, and then returned to her writing, her hand still clutching mine.
"Is there anywhere you really don't like being touched?" she asked, meeting my gaze.
"Well, you are the only one who really touches me and you haven't touched me everywhere so I don't
know," I answered. This time, Bella's face turned a shade of red that I knew could not be healthy. I leaned
forward and placed my palm on her forehead, amazed at the heat I found there.
"Are you alright? You're very hot. Do you feel ill?" I asked, worried that she had the beginnings of the flu. I
began running through in my mind all the things she would need if she became sick, when Bella's voice
broke through my list.
"I... I'm fine, Edward. I'm not sick, please don't worry."
I looked down at her, studying her face carefully. The flush had died down, and I only felt the hum of her
skin on mine. Just to make sure, I moved my hand downward, tracing her skin with an electric current until
my knuckles rested on her cheek.
"I don't want you to get sick," I admitted, hating the idea of Bella feeling bad in any way. She smiled, raising
her own hand so that her palm rested on my cheek, her fingers reaching towards my hair.
"I'm fine, Edward. I promise," she said, her hand moving up into my hair as she spoke. I sighed in awe as her
fingers twisted into the locks. The sensation was perfect, not too much spark, but enough to keep me
conscious of her touch and closeness.
"That's nice," I muttered, closing my eyes as Bella began threading her fingers through my hair with vigor,
lightly scratching my scalp as she did. Her touch was comforting, so relaxing. I could never have imagined
having this feeling from something as simple as a caress.
"Edward, come here," I opened my eyes and frowned to see that Bella had moved to sit beside me, and was
now tugging me down towards her. Slowly, I maneuvered myself so that my head was in her lap, the rest of
my body stretched out on the floor. Bella began running her fingers through my hair once more and I
smiled at the feeling each touch produced.
"You still need to keep answering my questions," she said. I turned my head to gaze up at her, liking how,
from this angle, her hair fell like a curtain around us. Our own private circle.
"Only if you keep doing this," I compromised, causing her to laugh.
"Fair enough. I remember once that you mentioned that you have trouble with certain colors and that your
visionary perception is different from others. Do you have synaesthesia?"
"Yes, grapheme, number form and slightly OLP," I responded, knowing that this would take some
explanation. Bella nodded.
"Yes, I expected that you might have number form. I'm mainly grapheme and lexical, and a little OLP."

To say I was shocked was an understatement. I had only ever attempted to explain synaesthesia to Emmett
and Alice, Emmett deciding it was 'freaky' and Alice not really understanding it. I had never met anyone
else who had the condition.
"How do you see the days of the week?" Bella asked. I grinned, closing my eyes.
"Monday is red, Tuesday is pale blue, Wednesday is orange, Thursday is purple, Friday is green, Saturday is
white and Sunday is yellow." I recited. Bella smiled.
"My Monday is also red. Tuesday is yellow, Wednesday is green, Thursday is dark purple, almost black,
Friday is white, Saturday is baby pink and Sunday is brown. I'm just glad that none of them are orange. I
really hate orange" she replied.
"Why do you hate orange?" I asked. Bella scrunched up her nose, and I found myself wanting to kiss it, to
feel the change in texture of her skin. It was a strange impulse, and I decide not to think about it too much.
"Orange is all headaches and vomit, and citrus so sweet that it burns," she said. I sat up, staring at her in
awe. While I could not see exactly what she did, it was so similar to my train of thought at times that I
couldn't help but be amazed.
By sitting, I had adjusted our positions so that, once again, our faces were exceptionally close. I heard Bella
swallow, and the panic of not knowing what to do returned. I tried not to move, acutely aware of our close
proximity.
"Edward...may I... kiss you?" her words sent shivers through me as her breath made contact with my skin. I
swallowed, confused and worried. Now she wanted to kiss me? What should I do? Would it take less than a
second like before, or would she let me kiss her back? I realized that Bella was most certainly waiting for an
answer, so I decided to address the most practical problem.
"I would like that... but I don't know what to do. I've never been kissed before," I said. Bella smiled, raising
her arms and tangling both her hands in my hair. My heart was racing from the anticipation and from the
fear and claustrophobia that were returning.
"It's okay. Just close your eyes for me," I did as she asked, happy to follow some sort of direction rather than
fumbling blindly. Bella seemed to know what she was doing, something that gave me a small amount of
comfort.
"Now just stay still, and do what comes naturally. Don't be afraid," Bella whispered, the prickling heat
flaring on my skin alerting me that she was edging closer. I concentrated on the pleasant jolts that Bella's
grip on my hair caused in my body as I waited.
I did not have to wait long. Her lips pressed to mine firmly, and for a moment I froze, not sure what to do in
the wake of the new sensation. Unlike the brief pressure that I had experience on Saturday, Bella did not
pull away this time. Instead, she continually moved her lips over mine, sending shockwaves of varying
intensity passing through me at each collision. I needed to do something, so when I felt the spark as Bella
kissed me once more, I returned the pressure. In response, Bella kissed me harder and almost pulled my
hair in what I assumed was shock. I gasped, inhaling Bella as my body registered the pain from my head
and the connection of our mouths as overwhelming elation. I whimpered, feeling hot and static but it was
nothing compared to Bella opening her mouth to mine. She kissed me with abandonment, wildly and

almost ferociously, and I was shocked to find that I enjoyed it. I liked the harsher feel of our teeth clashing
together due our mismatched movements, most likely caused by my lack of experience. My pulse was
racing almost uncomfortably, pounding in my ears, almost blocking out the small moan Bella uttered as our
mouths released. I stopped, not sure if I had hurt her. However, in response, she gripped my hair tighter,
leaving me gasping again, only to begin kissing me once more. I was sweating now, scared of the heat that
was rising inside me, but unwilling to let it fade. My senses were working on overdrive, stimulated to the
max, arousal and pleasure overriding logic and reason. My body reacted on impulse, as I pulled Bella closer
to me, crushing her to me so that I could feel her heart thumping against my chest. Bella moaned again, and
repositioned herself to she was almost straddling me, clambering into my lap. At the same moment, her
tongue entered my mouth, exploring and tracing so delicately.
It was too much.
With a cry, I turned, almost knocking Bella off my lap and buried my face into the floor. I felt Bella scramble
to her feet, and I could not help but draw my legs close to my chest, protectively. I was shaking, breathing
hard as I tried to regain control. I felt sick, dizzy, my nerve ends burning, and I stifled a sob as I came down
from my high.
"Edward! Oh god, Edward, are you okay?"
I couldn't respond, so I nodded, silently begging her to leave me alone. I cringed away, my body still
shuddering as I heard her footsteps draw near. The thought of her touching me now made my muscles
tense and my throat gag. Then, oddly, I felt a wave of calm pass through as she began slowly stroking my
hair once more. I sighed, uncurling ever so slightly as she did, amazed that despite the sensory overload I
had just gone through, this particular touch was still calming. After a few moments, I sat up slowly, moving
to rest my head on her shoulder. Bella turned her body towards mine and I caved to her embrace, her
hands still keeping up a rhythm in my hair.
"It was too much," I said, my voice muffled by her skin.
"I'm sorry, that was my fault. I should have controlled myself better," Bella replied. I couldn't deny that it
was true, but at the same time, I had been enjoying the experience until the very last moment. A thought
suddenly occurred to me. Maybe if I had been in control, I would have been able to prevent the sensory
overload. Considering that I now knew what I had to do, there was a chance that it would work better that
way. I lifted my head to look at Bella. I smiled and lifted my hand warily to her cheek, delighted that the
sensation of our skin touching had returned to the usual current. I leaned forward, whispering.
"There's something I want to try,"
Bella's eyes widening were the last things I saw as I closed my eyes, leaned in and allowed myself to feel
once more.

~*~

Chapter Notes:
Synaesthesia: A condition where one reaction of the senses spurs an involuntary reaction of another. While
many of those with ASD often have this phenomenon, it is not limited to those with ASD. For example, I have it
and do not have ASD, thus why Bella has it. Although it is listed as a neurological condition, it does not
interfere with the day to day workings of a person's life. Many people do not even realise that they have it. It is
often genetic. (For this chapter with the days of the week, I have used my own perception of the colors for

Bella, and my mother's for Edward.) No two people with synaesthesia have the same reactions.
Grapheme/color synaesthesia: Most common form where individual letters and numbers are tinged with
color. For example, I see the letter A as red, B as yellow, C as green, D as dark blue, E as silver ect.
Number form: a mental map of numbers that appears automatically when a person thinks of numbers.
OLP (ordinary linguistic personification): months, days, letters, ordinal numbers are associated with
personalities. Thus where we get the days of the week. It can also be emotions, such as the number eight is
gloomy, three is tortured, six is happiness, thirteen is exciting, two is suffocating and seven is daring.
Lexical/gustatory synaesthesia: individual words and parts of spoken language evoke a taste in the mouth. I
feel that blue is sour, green is cold and fresh and orange is sickly sweet citrus that burns. The word Twilight is
thick and stodgy, too rich and tastes like Thursday evening.

~*~

Chapter Seventeen ~ Everything

BPOV
"We don't spend enough time together."
I frowned, changing my position on the floor so that I was propped up by my elbow and able to see
Edward's face. I leaned over him to run my hands through his hair, smiling as his features smoothed over.
He was even more beautiful in a relaxed state, and I couldn't help but feel proud that I had discovered a
touch that gave him comfort. He was practically purring now, one arm draped lazily across my back in an
effort to keep me close.
"Why would you say that?" I said in response. Edward's jade eyes flew open, avoiding eye contact as usual.
"I only spend approximately nine and a half hours with you per week. In relation to every other activity in
my routine, it is not nearly enough time," Edward said.
I blinked, not sure how he had come to this conclusion. I saw Edward more days than I didn't during the
week, and although I craved to see him more than I was willing to admit, I knew that due to both of our
schedules, this would be impossible.
"Is that bad?" I asked, trying to discover his reasoning. Edward's eye widened and he sat up abruptly,
almost knocking into me in the process. Edward dropped his hand from around my waist, and opted
instead to take my hand in his.
"It's awful! I spend more time eating, sleeping, studying and playing the piano than I do with you! It is only
logical that one spends the most time doing what they enjoy most, and that would mean I like doing almost
all the other activities more than I like spending time with you, and that is not accurate." Edward finished,
agitation clear by how his fingers started drumming on the floor.
I leaned forward; kissing him sweetly in what I hoped was a reassuring manner. I could see that he was

simply following his thoughts into distraction, which would end up leaving him feeling more confused than
before. As I moved away, Edward tilted his head slightly, his green eyes looking almost dazed.
"Edward, it's not about the amount of time we spend together, but how we use the time that is important.
Don't misunderstand, though. I would not be opposed to spending more time with you," I admitted.
Edward stared at me silently for a moment before smiling. He leaned forward, raising his hand to rest on
my cheek. I sighed, relishing in his touch.
"You never cease to amaze me with your thoughts. You are of course correct. If our time is spent
productively, then that is all that matters. Although, you're not around I miss you, which is a not something
I enjoy. If I saw you more often, then I would not miss you as potently," Edward mused. I smiled, waiting,
knowing that it would make Edward feel more comfortable suggesting how to rectify this.
"Do you have time to see me on Sundays?" he asked carefully.
I nodded, "As long as I'm back to have dinner with my father, then yes, I can see you," I said.
Edward smiled. "I have family dinner on Sunday evenings, so that works out well," Edward replied, the
thumb of his hand now caressing my cheek gently. We stayed, staring at each other, not moving or
speaking, only feeling.
"I'm going to kiss you now."
This was the only warning I received before Edward's lips started moving against mine once more. My eyes
fluttered shut and I tried desperately to keep some sort of control over myself. I allowed Edward to set the
pace of the kiss, something that he was becoming more and more comfortable with. After his sensory
overload, I feared that he would be hesitant to kiss me again. However, it seemed that as long as he was the
one guiding and exploring, he was more than fine with kissing. Despite the fact that in the past hour,
Edward had become more confident with our physical advances, I could not let myself relax too much. I
was afraid that I would end up attacking him again. I had kept my hands in his hair, knowing that this touch
was acceptable. I did not venture to deepen our kiss, nor did I venture to move from my sitting position. All
too soon, Edward pulled away, resting his forehead against mine for a moment, catching his breath. I smiled
at him, leaning in and placing a succession of tiny but firm kisses on the side of his lips, feeling them curve
upwards as I did.
"You need to go soon," he murmured, his breath tickling my skin as he spoke. I groaned and moved away
slightly to look at my watch.
"You're right. I'd better pack this stuff away," I announced, smiling to myself as Edward quickly began
helping me. With my recorder, pen and paper returned to my bag, I stood, Edward following suit. I pulled
him to me gently, his arms going round me automatically.
"I am looking forward to Wednesday, my Bella. I hate missing you, but it is only logical that I will."
I lifted my head to look up at him.
"I'll miss you too, but Wednesday will come, as it always does," I said, instantly thinking that the words
were the most ridiculous response that I could have uttered.

"It will. That's what keeps me going."

I almost melted at Edward's sweet reply, and stretched my body higher, weaving my hands into his hair.
"Will you kiss me goodbye?" I asked. Edward smiled, and leaned down, granting my request.
"Goodnight, my Bella. I hope you have a good day tomorrow," he said politely.
"You too, Edward," I said, walking towards the slightly open door. I made sure to close it completely as I
left. I stole out of the house quickly, in fear of running into Esme. For a moment I considered knocking on
the door of Dr. Cullen's study, but my fear won out. He had been nothing but kind and welcoming to me.
When Edward had left the room, I was afraid that he would condemn our relationship. Yet all he did was
ask about my work and school. He seemed to genuinely want to know about me and my interests, and was
keen to make conversation with me. It left me with a small glimmer of hope that maybe Esme would
receive news of our relationship well if introduced to the idea in the right way. Even so, I did not want to
push my luck today.
I walked quickly to my car, noticing Alice's was now parked next to it. I grimaced as I remembered the time,
knowing that Charlie would more than likely be home before me this evening. We had spent most of the
weekend staying out if each other's way, acknowledging the other only when necessary. Sunday night had
been an awkward affair, both of us escaping to different parts of the house once dinner was over. I got my
stubborn traits from my father, so for now, we were at an impasse. I sighed as I pulled out of the Cullen's
driveway and started back home. I didn't exactly like being at odds with my father over something that was
becoming pivotal in my life, but I couldn't help it. I allowed myself to be comforted by the fact that Edward's
father seemed to be supportive of our relationship.
'E' I wrote, glancing sideways as I did. I suppressed a groan as Jasper's lips lifted and he drew yet another
line on the gallows. This lecture was grating on my nerves, as was Jasper's mastery at hangman. His past
words had included 'squeegee', 'mnemonic 'and 'pastel.' Next class, I was opting for Sudoku.
"Good game Bells," he said with a grin as the lecturer finally decided to end his torture. I shot him a glare,
which only resulted in making him laugh harder.
"I think I could probably teach myself this syllabus. I swear almost everyone else was asleep or eating," I
complained as we left the lecture theatre.
"I agree. I can see myself skipping a lot of these classes in..." he broke off as we rounded the corner and
almost crashed into Alice.
"Hey darling, I thought you were done for the day?" he said, immediately losing interest in our
conversation. Alice smiled.
Alice smiled. "I am, but I was actually waiting for you Bella," she announced, peering around Jasper and
grinning at me.
"Oh, what's up?" I asked.
"There's just something I need to talk to you about. Do you need to go home right away?" she asked.
I shook my head. "No, I can spare half an hour or so," I replied, feeling slightly concerned that Alice needed

my attention so desperately.
"Ah, that would be great. I'll see you later Jazzy!" she called, grabbing me by the arm and dragging me off
towards the exit. I almost tripped over my bag in the process, surprised at how strong Alice was.
"Where are we going?" I asked as we raced past clusters of students, heading towards the outskirts of
campus. Alice didn't respond, but continued to pull me forward until we reached the grassland near the
cycle entrance to campus. It was relatively quiet out here, and the not so agreeable weather had sent
students indoors. Alice released my arm without a word, stalking a few feet away.
"What's going on?" I asked, shivering as the wind swept right through me.
"That's what I would like to know," Alice hissed, spinning to face me.
"Would you like to explain to me why I saw you kissing my brother last night, Bella?"
Her words were not spoken loudly, yet they seemed to echo around my head menacingly, as clear as if she
had screamed them. I gulped, nervously shifting from one foot to another, having no idea how to approach
this conversation. Alice stood, her body frozen and I could practically feel the rage coming off her in waves.
"I...I'm sorry that you saw that, I really don't want you to jump to conclusions. I was going to tell you, I just
didn't know how..." Alice ceased my practically incoherent babbling by raising a hand.
"Tell me what, Bella?" she demanded through clenched teeth, each word laced with venom. I paused, not
sure whether to ease her into the idea, or to just come out and say it. Ultimately I decided upon the latter,
thinking that Alice would not take kindly to further stalling.
"Edward and I are together. A couple," I announced. Silence was my only reply, as a strand of hair danced
across my face in the wake of my words. Suddenly, Alice reacted in a way that I didn't expect.
She laughed.
She laughed deeply, her body crumpling in on itself as if this was a moment of hilarity. It was frightening.
Her hysterical cackling was not the reaction I was hoping for. Not quite knowing what to do now, I simply
waited until Alice had calmed enough to raise her head. Her gaze caused me to flinch.
"Are you fucking kidding me, Bella? What kind of sick, twisted person are you?"
Any amount of hesitancy I had previously felt slipped away with that sentence. The anger that I had felt
when speaking to my father on Saturday reared its head as I turned to stare at Alice.
"Excuse me?" I said, my voice eerily calm. I could hear my pulse in my ears, my rage at Alice's statement
coursing through me, yet my outward demeanor did not change.
"You heard me. I said you're sick and twisted for manipulating Edward like this," she said, crossing her
arms in front of her chest and narrowing her eyes at me. I clenched my fists together in an attempt to rein
in my anger. However, it did not stop me from raising my voice.
"Manipulating? What the hell Alice, I'm not manipulating Edward at all. He does things of his own free will,
not because I tell him too!" I cried, feeling slightly ill at Alice's accusations. I knew Edward and I knew that

what we had was a mutual attraction and not something I had architected for myself. Alice was my friend.
How could she think I would do these things? Didn't she know me better than that?
"Do you really think I believe that, Bella? He's not capable of a relationship!" Alice replied, throwing her
hands up in the air in fury.
"How can you say that? Just because he has AS does not mean he can't have a normal romantic attachment.
What kind of closed-minded thinking is that Alice? You teach at a school for kids with AS! You must know
that's not true!" I yelled, almost completely losing control.
"I know my brother, Bella! He is not capable of knowing what a true relationship is!" Alice screamed, her
whole body vibrating with the force of her outburst, "My god, he counts the amount of peas he eats, is
scared that eyes are going to swallow him and freaks out at my ringtone!"
I shook my head at her. "You're underestimating him," I replied.
"No, I think you're OVERestimating him. He's confusing friendship for something more, Bella, and you're
letting him. Edward's barely had any friends his entire life, so why would he suddenly meet you and decide
that he wanted a romantic relationship? He can't process emotions, so no love at first sight. There's no
spark, no chemistry for him. You're the first real friend he's had, and you're using him."
I tried to shake off the small voice in the back of my head that saw an element of truth to Alice's words. I
really was his first friend. He'd been so sheltered up until now...
Alice began speaking again, halting my train of thought.
"Edward has no ability to understand emotions. He has no ties to anyone. He rejects family and refuses to
call me his sister. He doesn't even call our parents mom and dad. Why would he be able to forge any ties
with you if he can't with us? He's never going to care for you, and he most certainly will never love you,"
The agape version of love is beyond me and always has been.
A sharp pain coursed through me at Alice's words, knocking every other thought out of my mind. I was
trembling, something breaking that I had not realized was there. My eyes filled, and I fought to keep myself
in check as Alice started speaking once more.
"I know you have no real experience with guys, Bella. It was painfully obvious after what happened with
Jake. Maybe you think that being with Edward is your easy option, but I won't let you use him like that. It
needs to stop. I won't have you abusing my brother anymore," she said, turning on her heel and marching
away.
Something between a cry and a sob escaped my lips, and I felt the tears break free as Alice walked away. My
knees gave way and I crumpled to the floor.
The house seemed colder than I recalled. I was huddled under my duvet, my eyes stinging from the tears
that had finally stopped flowing. I didn't remember the drive home, yet I had obviously managed to return
to Forks without incident. Charlie was not around, something that I was eternally thankful for.
Now that I could be alone, I really thought about what Alice had said. She was wrong. She did not know the
full extent of what her brother was capable of, and in some ways, I believed she did not want to know. Yes,

Edward was obsessive and clung to the security that numbers and formulas gave him. He had fears that had
developed as a child that he had not been able to let go of. He could be seen as immature and childish in
some respects, but when you took the time to speak to him as an adult, he responded in kind. He did not
have a child's brain or thought process. He was sheltered, and had no opportunity to be able to relate to
adults outside his family during his formative years. Still, he knew what a relationship was. He knew what
he wanted from me and what he didn't. I may have been following my heart, but that did not mean I had
lost my head. I was not pressuring Edward into anything. He had made his own choice in the matter.
Yet something else that Alice had said was getting to me. I loved him. I was so in love with him that I knew,
that despite Alice's threats I could not give him up. I was hoping that eventually she'd realize how untrue
her words were, and apologize.
I had never before given much thought to romance or relationships. All my energy had been spent on my
work and schooling, because I knew that to get where I wanted, I had to work hard. From the moment that I
had made my career choice, I knew that nothing would be simple. My mother had always believed that I
was out of my depth, over compensation for something that she or my father had failed to give me as a
child. The truth was, it was a vocation. One that made my heart ache and left me exhausted and shaking, but
it was everything to me. The only thing that I was born to do. I had always been logical and focused. My
work had been my only companion, until Edward.
I stifled another sob at this. Alice had been correct in assessing Edward's emotional capabilities. From what
I had seen, he had no ties to anyone, not even his family. I had never asked him why he called Carlisle 'Dr.
Cullen' and Esme by her name. It could be due to them being his adoptive parents, and he felt it was wrong
to call them mom and dad, but what if it was something else? What if he saw them as nothing more than
two adults he lived with? What did he see me as?
I shook my head, dispelling those thoughts. Edward had shown me over the past week that he wanted me.
Hewas everything I could have asked for. He was the epitome of my fantasies in every way. He was caring,
beautiful, intelligent and self-sacrificing. He was the part of me that I didn't know was missing. As romantic
and childish that that sounded, it was true. I did not see the obvious when I looked at him. I could only see
the part of him that I knew.
I loved him more than I ever thought could be possible in reality. With that love, I brought a world of
passion, intensity, desire, confusion, jealously, heartache and closeness. I brought him a world that he could
never be a part of. I was taunting him, dangling it in front of his nose, highlighting the extreme differences
between us, telling him he would never be good enough. His view of the world was so pure. Could I risk
corrupting it with complicated emotions he would never be able to feel, but because of his nature, would
seek to understand? Once his view of the world was corrupted, and couldn't just be drawn in simplistic
terms, how would he react? What about hate and intolerance? He had no concept of those terms now, but I
had experienced them within our own families. Surely the outside world would be even more intolerant.
This is my love for you, and you will never be able to comprehend what that means, never feel even a tenth of
what I feel for you.
A knock at the door echoed through the house, and I sat up, the duvet falling from around my shoulders. I
swiped at the tears that had fallen in the last few moments as I clambered awkwardly from the bed and
made my way downstairs. I could see it was raining lightly now, which was a pretty common in Forks. I
pulled the door open, only to freeze in shock.
"May I come in?"

I nodded numbly, dread coursing through me as I stepped aside and allowed Esme into my house.

~*~

Chapter Eighteen ~ Nothing

BPOV
I tried to call my thoughts to order as I began pouring tea for myself and Esme. I was under no delusion as
to why she was here. Alice had obviously decided that her hurtful words were not enough, and told her
mother about the situation. I knew that Esme held a lot of sway over the future of mine and Edward's
relationship. I did not want to upset or aggravate anyone, yet I did not want to give up what I had with
Edward due to the misguided beliefs of others.
It seemed almost childish, Alice telling on her brother, yet I tried to keep myself calm. Alice's words had cut
me deeply, especially considering they had come from someone I considered a friend. I also knew Alice did
not mean every word she had said. If she thought I was really twisted and disgusting, I was sure that she
would have ceased being my friend long ago. Alice was not an idiot. She had acted out of anger and shock,
aiming to hurt. She also honestly believed that she was protecting her brother by keeping me away from
him. She did not see him as an adult, and did not allow herself to see the side of him that I had come to love.
The guilt of my love for him still hit me hard, but never before did I have something I felt so compelled to
fight for. I knew that Edward would never love me in the way little girls were taught their "true love"
would, but those were fairy tales. I wanted what we had.
Esme's arrival had forced me to stop crying and feeling sorry for myself. I had a choice to make. I could give
in to her and back off, as I'm sure, like Alice, she was about to ask me to do, or I could fight for my
relationship with Edward.
I chose Edward.
"Thank you, Bella," Esme said, taking the mug I offered her. I nodded, picking up my own and joining her at
the table. A tense silence filled the room as Esme sipped her drink. I made no move to drink my own.
"Well, considering that my daughter spoke to you a few hours ago, I'm sure that you know why I'm here."
I nodded my head slowly, a vocal response escaping me. Esme peered at me for a moment before sighing.
"You're an intelligent woman, Bella; I have no doubt about that. I am hoping that the two of us can have a
civilized conversation about this. That is what I would like to happen anyway," Esme said before taking
another sip of her tea.
I tried not to react too much to her statement. Her words may have sounded in her head as if she were
reaching out to me as an equal, but I could tell she didn't really see it that way. Her patronizing tone of
voice gave her away instantly.
"Bella, my son has always held a special place in my heart. When Alice first alluded to the connection you

and Edward had formed, I knew that it would end badly. I had hoped that you would be sensible enough to
keep your meetings to a minimum and purely professional. Instead, the two of you met more frequently
and became friendlier. I should have put a stop to it then, but my husband seemed to think that you were a
positive influence on him."
Esme paused and I felt a strong surge of new-found respect for Dr. Cullen. Despite Esme's obvious dislike of
Edward's and my relationship, Dr. Cullen had tried to make her accept it. It was obvious he did not view
Edward in the same way she did.
"But it has gone on long enough. It must stop now. I can see how you would be attracted to my son, Bella.
He is handsome, intelligent and talented. He has been brought up to be a gentleman, and to look out for
others before himself. He is a sweet boy, but he is not ready for any sort of romantic relationship. He is
simply not capable of dealing with something like that," she finished. I swallowed loudly, ignoring the drink
in front of me.
"With all due respect Mrs. Cullen, I think that in the past few weeks I have gotten to know your son very
well and I have come to understand what he is, and isn't, capable of. He went into this relationship
willingly. In fact, it was his idea in the first place. I have allowed him to set the pace and we have learned
together what he is comfortable with. I can safely say that Edward is capable of a relationship," I said, trying
to stay strong, yet polite.
Esme was silent for a few seconds, and then leaned forward, looking me straight in the eye.
"I am trying to do what's best for my son, Bella. I will not see him hurt in any way due to your antics. For
fourteen years I have put all of my own desires and hopes second to caring for my son. I have given Edward
all of the support and care that he needs, and given him the best life I could. I will not have you waltz in
here and shatter all I have worked for," she warned, her voice taking on a dangerous edge.
Once again, I felt the anger rise inside me. I did not want to criticize Esme as a parent. I felt that I had no
right to do so. For all of my experience, I did not have a clue what it was like to raise a child with ASD. I had
no idea what sacrifices she made, and what had happened with Edward as a child, but I knew Edward as an
adult in a way that she could not. I would not let her intimidate me into giving him up.
"Mrs. Cullen, I know that you feel I'm hurting Edward, but I can assure you that I would never ever do that. I
would not have entered into his relationship if I was not serious about it," I replied, trying to make her see
that I was not doing any of this on a whim.
"I don't think you're being malicious Bella. I have no doubt that you wouldn't intentionally hurt him but
honestly Bella, do you really think this relationship will last in the long-term?"
My mouth fell open at her statement, indignation at her words leaving me incapable of answering. In my
silence, she proceeded.
"My son never does anything without complete consideration. If he actually decided on his own accord that
he wanted a relationship with you, he would have made sure that he would be with you for the long haul,
but you don't think in the same way he does, Bella. You feel with your heart. Hearts change. What happens
when you finish your degree and decide you want to see more than this small town? Possibly want
someone more... normal?"
"Edward IS normal!" I cried slamming my fist on the table as I lost all composure. Esme didn't even blink at

my outburst.
"Yes, I know. However, is he the person you really want to spend the rest of your life with? Someone who
has no concept of sentiment, emotion and classical romance? What about children Bella? There are studies
that show that ASD is a genetic abnormality. Are you prepared for that?" she asked, her calm almost
monotone voice sending me over the edge.
"Esme, I have devoted my life to teaching people with ASD! I'd certainly be more prepared than most to
deal with a child who had it. I would not love that child any less! Please understand that I love Edward. I
will do everything I can to keep what we have for as long as I can! I don't care about 'normalcy' or 'seeing
the world' or some stupid concept of 'classical romance'. All that I could have ever want lies within him. I
don't want anyone else."
Fury, frustration and sadness brought forth my traitorous tears once again. I blinked, dispelling them as
quickly as I could manage, ignoring the few that had managed to escape. With my vision cleared, I stared
back at Esme.
She sighed, "For now."
My fists clenched as a wave of panic hit me. She had already made up her mind about this, and nothing I
could have said or done would have persuaded her otherwise. She came here to issue a decree, not have a
conversation with an "equal". I watched, helpless, as Esme stood and took her cup and rinsed it in the sink.
She set it down in the draining board, and then turned around to face me.
"I know that I have absolutely no control over what you do, Bella. I was hoping that I could convince you to
break it off with my son, stop things now before they get too far, but I can see that my hopes were in vain,"
she said.
I nodded. "I won't lie to him. I will not stand there and pretend that I don't want him just because you think
it's best. I won't give up on us," I replied.
Esme nodded. "I thought as much. That's why I have to do this. I will let him know he is forbidden from
seeing you again. He will not disobey me. If I have to, I will take away his car. It's for his own good.
With that said, she didn't wait for a response and stormed out the door. I just stood there in shock and
despair.
As the last child and parent left the room, I slumped into the nearest seat. Miss Linton and Angela continued
to exchange a few words about Friday's class, but I didn't have the energy to participate. My sleep had been
fitful, partly from worry and courses of action I concocted and dismissed and partly from fear of what his
reaction would be to the news. I couldn't see him taking it well, and the thought of his being upset made me
ache. I hated that I had not already come up with a solution to the problem. I was normally good at seeing
my way out of situations, but this time I was coming up blank.
"Goodnight Bella, I'll see you Friday!" I twisted quickly in my seat to wish Miss Linton goodnight before
returning to my demoralized state.
"Bella, what's wrong? You've been out of it all day," Angela asked, moving to kneel in front of me. I sighed
heavily. If anyone could help me with this situation, it would be Angela. She was a neutral party and her
advice in the past had helped me greatly.

"Yesterday, after class, Alice confronted me about my relationship with Edward. She saw us together and
once I told her we were dating, she flipped. She seems to think he isn't capable of a relationship. She thinks
I'm manipulating and using him," I admitted.
Angela's eyes grew wide, and then her face took on an expression I had never seen before. It was quite
unnerving to see my mellow and kind friend's face twisted into such a look of anger.
"I can't believe she would say that to you. She treats Edward like a seven year old. How would she know
what he is and isn't capable of? What a bitch! God, I hope you told her to go to hell," she ranted.
Despite how down I was feeling, I couldn't help but chuckle at Angela's colorful language. She was not one
for using vulgarity on a regular basis, and it sounded strange coming from her mouth. I shook my head
slowly, my smile disappearing.
"I was too much in shock to say anything. I can't believe that she calls herself my friend and yet would say
those things to me. It really threw me off. Anyway, I'm sure she didn't want to face me and that's why she
didn't join us for lunch today."
Angela frowned and shook her head.
"No, it wasn't just lunch. She hasn't been here all day.. They had a sub in her class. Anyway, that's not
important right now. Bella, please don't take Alice's words to heart. She's just a bit short-sighted when it
comes to her brother, plus Esme has drummed it into her head that her brother needs to be sheltered at all
costs. Alice isn't an idiot. She will come around. Just give her a little time."
I tried to smile at her encouragement, but it fell flat. I dropped my head into my hands for a moment, before
looking back up at Angela.
"That's not all. Alice told Esme as soon as she got home."
Angela gasped at my revelation, a hand coming to her mouth. She knew instantly that nothing I was going
to say now would be good.
"I thought that she might be open to reason. That I could talk to her and make her see that Edward was
happy with our relationship, especially after Carlisle had been so receptive, but she wasn't having any of it.
She told me that she would do anything in her power to stop it from continuing, even take away his car. She
said she would forbid him from seeing me," I explained, trailing off as I reached the end of my sentence.
"Oh god... Oh, Bella I'm so sorry," Angela whispered, rising from her position on the floor to give me a hug. I
smiled sadly, feeling slightly better having shared this with her.
"I just don't know what to do. I can't see a way out of this. If Esme wants to keep her son away from me, she
can. There is nothing I can do about it, just like she said," I lamented as Angela pulled away. She moved
backwards, grabbing a chair and dragging it so that she was now sitting in front of me.
"It's not right. If she takes away his car she is essentially making him a prisoner in his own home. He's not a
child. He's a twenty-year-old man. Esme is taking away his independence and completely controlling him."
I nodded. "I know. She shouldn't be allowed to treat him that way, but it's essentially what she's been doing

all along. I can't see Carlisle liking this. He was supportive, of our relationship, but I don't know if he will
stand up to Esme," I said.
Angela sighed, "Dr. Cullen was always so laid back about everything. He knew he couldn't win, so he pretty
much let Esme take control of everything. Maybe if you try and speak to him, he might be able to do
something. Emmett and Rosalie will be on your side as well. I saw Rose over the weekend, and she seemed
so happy that the two of you were together."
It was true; I had many people I knew were supportive of our relationship, but I just wasn't sure how I
could use it to my advantage.
"Maybe if her husband, Emmett and Rose back you up, she might listen and understand she's mistaken
about the relationship. It's the only thing I can think of that..."
"Bella?"
I turned towards the door as a familiar voice interrupted our discussion. I heard a gasp from behind me as
my own eyes widened in response.
"Oh my god Rose, Alice what happened?" Angela cried standing from her chair. Rosalie sighed and walked
through the door, Alice trailing morosely behind her.
Both of them looked like hell. Alice's pale face was red and blotchy, an obvious sign that she had spent
many hours in tears. Her eyes were puffy and bloodshot, her whole demeanor downcast and exhausted.
Rose looked similarly ruffled, although she had obviously gone to pains to disguise it. Yet her makeup could
not fully hide the huge dark circles under her eyes, indicating she must have barely slept, and the most
disturbing part of her appearance: the dark bruise that reached from her jaw almost all of the way up to her
eye. She had tried her best to conceal it with foundation, but it was bad enough that the make-up barely
made a difference.
A silence followed Angela question. Then without warning, Alice turned to look at me.
"I'm sorry," she whispered, her voice cracked and gravelly, "I didn't know that... I didn't mean for
anything..."
"Alice, shut the hell up," Rose barked, causing Alice to flinch. "I told you if you wanted to come you needed
to keep your mouth shut." Alice shrank back at her words, a few tears leaking out from her eyes.
"Bella, we need your help. Badly," Rose said, drawing my attention back to her. I was startled by how
desperate she looked, how imploring her eyes were at that moment. Fear began to rear its head once more
and my heart pounded in my ears. I slowly stood up from my chair, my legs shaking as I did.
"With what?" I whispered, although deep-down I knew the answer. Rose swallowed audibly, her eyes
shifting back and forth, as if she didn't want to say the answer.
"Edward."

~*~

Chapter Nineteen ~ Hysteria

EPOV
I tapped my pencil rhythmically against the table, humming a succession of notes in my head in time. I
hummed the line again, increasing the pitch slightly, smiling when the sound coincided with the melody I
had been playing last night. Quickly I ceased with my tapping and wrote the corresponding notes within the
staves of the sheet music.
Tuesday was turning out to be a good day. I had finished the outline of my paper and my tutor decided
there were very few adjustments I would have to make before I could submit it. Now I was now ahead of
schedule for the next few days, which left me with more time to concentrate on my latest composition.
My day had only been disturbed when Alice had stormed into the house, screaming for Esme. I had to sit for
almost ten minutes with my hands over my ears in order to regain concentration. I had been interrupted
only a few minutes later, again by Alice, who had knocked and asked to enter. She had already disturbed my
concentration once, so I told her to go away. I had more important things to do than deal with her.
I missed Bella. I only had another twenty three hours and seven minutes until I could see her again, but it
felt like too long. It also pained me to say that my usual comfort of using numbers to determined exactly
when I would see Bella did not work in this case. While I did enjoy watching the minutes and hours
disappear before my eyes, it also served as a reminder of how long it was until I would see her, which made
me miss her more. The only consolation was that it was a balancing act. It meant that I had to miss her in
order to see the time go by. It made complete sense.
A knock and the call of my name broke my concentration yet again. I sighed and looked up to see that it was
five in the evening. I stood immediately, clearing away the sheet music and pencils. Dinner would be ready
between five fifteen and five thirty, and I always arrived in the living room at five past five to speak to
Emmett. He often called for me before dinner if I was not in the music room, knowing that I would become
too immersed in my music to notice the time. Once my desk was clear and everything was back in its place,
I walked to the door and opened it.
"Evening Bro!" Emmett called as I stepped outside of my room and closed the door firmly behind me.
"Hi Edward," Rosalie said and I smiled at the two of them.
"Good evening Emmett, Rosalie. I hope you both had a good day," I said as the three of us made our way
down the eighteen steps to the first floor and walked the eleven steps to the living room. Emmett and
Rosalie stopped as they walked through the threshold, aggravating me. This was not an appropriate place
for them to stop.
"What's going on?" Emmett asked, the two of them still not moving.
"Where's Edward?" Esme's voice called.
"Why?" Emmett said, still not moving. I was exceptionally annoyed now considering that my presence was
being requested and Emmett was rudely blocking my way.

"I'm here and Emmett is not moving," I explained. Rosalie turned back to look at me, her hand locked in
Emmett's. Their interwoven hands made me think of Bella. That was our connection. Emmett sighed, then
moved into the living room with Rosalie attached to his side. I entered after him and saw Esme sitting on
the sofa with Alice next to her. I was surprised to see Dr. Cullen as well. He was leaning against the wall
behind the sofa. He rarely had time in his schedule to eat dinner with us, since his schedule usually did not
allow it. Emmett moved back to stand beside me, Rosalie still at his side.
"What's going on, mom?" he asked again. I realized that Esme was being exceptionally rude by not
answering Emmett's question. I would never like having to repeat myself.
"Emmett, we need to discuss something with Edward, as a family," she said, turning her head to look at
Emmett. I frowned.
"But we aren't family. No one in this room is related," I observed. Emmett laughed, but stopped for some
reason when Esme looked at him.
"I guess he has a point there. All right you three, sit down. I want to know what's going on before I have to
go back to work," Dr. Cullen announced. I turned and sat in the chair closest to the door, while Rosalie and
Emmett took the other sofa, which pleased me as we all automatically went to our logical places. I looked
expectantly at Esme, ready to hear what she wanted to speak to me about.
"Edward," she began, leaning forward as she spoke, "Alice told me something today that I would like you to
clarify." I looked at Alice who was staring at the floor intently. I turned my gaze to where she was looking,
but could see nothing of interest, so I returned my attention to Esme.
"What would you like me to clarify?" I replied politely.
"Edward, is Bella your girlfriend?"
Despite the question being aimed at me, Dr. Cullen immediately interjected.
"Esme, really is this a conversation we need to have with everyone?" Dr. Cullen asked, moving forward to
stand next to her. She continued to stare at me, causing me to shift uncomfortably. I hated people's eyes
being on me for too long.
"Yes. She is," I replied, staring at the side of her face. I sat back in my chair, wondering if I could leave now. I
had answered Esme's question, and it was time for dinner. However, Esme turned sharply and looked at Dr.
Cullen.
"You knew! Carlisle, how could you let this happen?" I blinked, trying to understand what that sentence
meant. Rosalie was currently whispering frantically to Emmett, who replied under his breath.
"Esme, please. You need to calm down and..."
"Calm down! You betrayed me! You knew this was happening under our roof, yet you did nothing to stop it.
I had to hear this from Alice after she spoke to that girl!"
"Oh, what a surprise, little miss kiss-ass is the cause of this," Emmett said suddenly, causing me to flinch.
"Emmett! Do not talk about your sister that way. It solves nothing!" Dr. Cullen yelled, and I shrank back into

my seat. Emmett stood and continued to say things to Alice in a loud tone. I cringed backward, closing my
eyes as my head and ears began to ache. It was all too loud, too much, everyone talking and no one making
sense. I tried to count in my head, but multiples of nine and five could not withstand the noise in the room.
"It's okay, Edward," whispered a voice to my left. I opened my eyes to see Rosalie kneeling next to me,
"They will stop in a minute, don't panic." I nodded at her, the quiet tone of her voice oddly soothing in the
midst of the shouting. She smiled, and then stood and walked over to Emmett. She tapped him on the arm
and said something quietly to him. The noise was dimming, the numbers falling slowly back into place as
my senses cooled. My head still ached, and I was still confused. Nothing was going as it should, and
everyone was screaming at each other and I didn't understand why. The confusion was making me twitch,
and I wanted to go back upstairs until everything went back into place. They were still talking, Dr. Cullen
who was now sitting next to Esme while Alice stood by the wall. I liked that arrangement better, as it made
logical sense; however, whatever Dr. Cullen was saying must have upset Esme, because she suddenly stood
to her feet.
"This has gone far enough!" she cried, and I jumped in response, not expecting the shouting to begin again.
"Mom, please..." Emmett began.
"No. What on earth have you all been thinking, keeping something like this a secret and allowing it to
continue this way? I won't allow Edward to be treated like this anymore!"
"Treated like what?" I asked, drawing their attention to me. I knew it was rude to interrupt, but since they
appeared to be speaking about me, I needed to understand what was going on.
"Esme, this is not the time to do this," Dr. Cullen said.
It didn't look like I was going to get an answer to my question. If they were going to speak in riddles and
scream, they could do it without me. My head was hurting as it was, and I could feel myself heading
towards an overload. I needed to be by myself to stop that from happening.
"I'm going. I answered the question, and you don't seem to need me," I said, standing up and walking to the
door.
"Edward Anthony Cullen, you get back here right now!" Esme yelled. I clenched my fists together, before
spinning around to face them.
"Why?" I yelled, not caring if I was shouting, because shouting seemed to be the only way they could
communicate today.
"Edward, don't raise your voice to your mother," Dr. Cullen said. His statement was both hypocritical and
inaccurate. Esme was not my mother, and she had just raised her voice to me. I was simply responding on
her level. Also, everyone had just been screaming at her, including him.
A moment of silence passed and I fought to stay in control. There was nothing logical about the situation I
was in. It made no sense. Why were they all shouting amongst each other, yet demanding I stay? I decided it
would be best if I started listing Pythagorean triplets in my head to make the numbers stay.
(3, 4, 5) (5, 12, 13)

"Edward, look at me," Esme demanded, standing from the sofa and walking towards me, stopping in the
center of the room. I hesitated, not really sure if I could deal with eyes at this moment. I still didn't have a
grip on the situation, and I needed to make sense of all this before I could even consider facing her eyes.
"Look at me,"
I shook my head. "No. I can't" I said, the panic at the prospect of being swallowed by eyes becoming too
much.
"Alright, but you have to listen carefully," she said.
I nodded, grateful that Esme had said something that made sense and given me an instruction that I could
follow. Despite this, I continued to list the numbers in my head, just to help my focus.
(7, 24, 25,) (8, 15, 17) (9, 40, 41)
"Edward, you can't see Bella anymore. I'm sorry, but I won't let this go on any longer," Esme said.
As soon as the words left her mouth, Emmett, Rosalie and Dr. Cullen started talking all at once, but I could
not focus on them. For a moment, I couldn't think. It seemed like her words were an equation that did not
balance. I didn't like the feeling, so I tried to remember the pattern of the numbers I had been reciting, but I
couldn't. I didn't remember where I'd gotten to, didn't remember what I was trying to do with them.
The numbers were gone.
Bella was gone. I wasn't allowed to see her.
"I don't understand," I said, interrupting the chatter in the hope that as soon as someone gave me a full
explanation, everything would click back into place.
"You are not allowed to see Bella, Edward," Esme said again.
"I heard you!" I cried, knocking my fist into the door behind me. She wasn't listening. I needed to make
them listen; make them talk to me so that I could understand this. There was no logical reason why I could
not see my Bella. Why would they stop me from doing what I liked the most? There had to be a reason.
"What... what have I done?" I asked, looking rapidly between Dr. Cullen and Esme, "Why are you punishing
me? I haven't done anything that I know of. Please tell me what I did so I can make reparations and see
Bella again!" I demanded, panic at the unknown situation growing inside me.
Dr. Cullen pleaded, "Esme, please, just think about..." But Esme continued to be rude by speaking over him.
"It's not a punishment, Edward. You're not allowed to see Bella. Your relationship is not appropriate," Esme
said.
I closed my eyes, willing the numbers to come back and explain what was going on, but they wouldn't. I
looked around the room, but no one offered any more information. Esme was just saying things to me, but
not explaining them. I needed them to listen to me, to actually help me. I couldn't take this anymore. I
slammed my hands against the door again.

"WHY!" I screamed, my head aching with the confusion I felt, "why is it not appropriate! Alice brings Jasper
back to the house every week when no one is around, which is not allowed, yet she isn't told she can no
longer see him and that it is inappropriate! That's not logical! I don't understand this," I yelled, swinging my
arm out and knocking the lamp in the corner of the room to the floor. Alice shrieked and jumped, but I did
not feel sorry for her. I also did not feel sorry that I divulged her secret. We had both kept our relationships
away from Esme, and since Alice felt the need to tell mine, it was only logical that I should reveal hers. I
needed to make them stop. They needed to start making sense.
"Alice, what the hell! I'm gonna kill him!" Emmett yelled at her.
"Shut up Emmett, like you're any better. You just go to Rose's place instead," Alice retorted.
Dr. Cullen yelled, "Both of you stop! Alice, I'll be dealing with you in a minute. Edward, you need to calm
down." I gripped my hair and started to rock back and forth. This wasn't working. Nothing was right, the
numbers did not return and it was all falling to pieces.
"I can't. It doesn't make sense," I said. Nothing was joining up in my mind, and I really needed to get out of
the room. The times were wrong, the words were wrong and everyone just continued to shout. It was too
much.
"Edward, I am your mother, and you will do as I say," Esme said.
"But you're NOT my mother!" I yelled, "You didn't give birth to me because you're not able to have children.
I don't have your blood, I am not your son and I don't understand what that has to do with me not seeing
Bella anymore!" I screamed, dismayed at how stupid Esme was being if she thought that was an
explanation.
"Why won't you listen to me? Why won't you explain?" I was sobbing now, gripping my hair painfully as I
did. I didn't know what to do. Esme said nothing; she simply turned and sat down on the sofa, her head in
her hands. Dr. Cullen automatically sat with her, putting his arms around her.
I needed Bella to do that for me.. Her touch calmed me and she would always explain everything I didn't
understand. I turned, and ran from the room before anyone could stop me. I continued up the eighteen
steps, wiping away a few tears as I made it to my bedroom. I closed the door and sat on the floor, bringing
my knees to my chest and my hands to my hair. My own circle, my own space. I could find sense here. Find
a rational explanation for everything that just happened.
The door of my room didn't stay closed. Alice went against the rules and rushed in, leaving the door wide
open.
"How could you say that to her, you ungrateful brat? Yes, we are adopted, but that doesn't make her any
less of a mother. Did you ever think that reminding her she can't have children of her own might be painful
for her?"
"Get out!" I screamed, covering my ears and rocking as I felt myself going into overload. I couldn't keep
dealing with this noise and anxiety. I didn't understand it and it was all too loud. Everything was building
up. I was shaking and it was hurting too much.
I heard someone running and more screaming. I couldn't make them stop. They were all in my circle. I was
crying again, a reaction that I did not understand and could not control. I needed to get out but they were

all shouting in the doorway. I stood, seeing that Emmett and Rosalie had joined Alice, causing the
commotion. I closed my eyes, putting my hands over my ears, trying to block out the sound as I rocked.
It was then that a pain shot through my shoulder, knives cutting into my skin as someone touched me. It
was too much. I lashed out, screaming, my fist connection with something. There was a scream, but it didn't
have a chance to affect me, because there was a crunch that echoed through my head as something collided
with my jaw. The force of it threw me off balance and I fell, crying out as I did.
Absolute silence followed.
I opened my eyes and the first thing I saw was Alice. She was standing by the wall near the door, her hands
over her face, huge tears escaping from her eyes. I turned my head and saw that Emmett was crouched on
the floor next to Rosalie, trying to get her to move her hand away from her face. For the first time this
evening, the numbers connected.
I had hit Rosalie, and therefore Emmett had hit me. He defended his girlfriend, just like he should. Just like I
would do for Bella.
I had hit Rosalie. I had hit my only friend, since Bella was now my girlfriend and could not be two things at
once. There was only one thing I could do now. I got up and ran from the room, down the stairs and out of
the front door.
I needed to find the numbers somewhere, and be in my own space where I could understand what to do. I
ran into the woods at the back of the house with nothing to guide me. I ran until I tripped, falling onto the
bed of the forest. The ground was moist and soft, almost buoyant under my fingertips. It was oddly
soothing. I curled up into myself, closed my eyes and blocked out the world.
Without a routine, time had become irrelevant. I hated that I now had no control over anything. It was dark
now, and the rain was making my clothes constricting and heavy. I hated the feel of wet denim moving
across my skin, but the rain itself was comforting. I liked the sensation as it hit my skin and the rhythmic
sound it made as it bounced off the surfaces of the forest.
I was cold, but I had been cold for a long time, so it did not bother me. I'd finally had enough time to
organize some of my thoughts. I knew that I had to make it up to Rosalie, in the same way that I had made
reparations to Bella. I needed to apologize to Emmett as well, but he also needed to apologize to me. My jaw
ached constantly, especially when my teeth chattered, and I tried to keep that movement to a minimum, but
considering the low temperature and my damp clothes, that was difficult.
I didn't know what to do without Bella. I had to have her in my life. She had a place in my schedule now. I
missed her when I didn't see her for a day, so I would be continuously missing her if I was not allowed to
see her at all. I did not know if missing someone got worse the longer you went without seeing them, ,
because Bella was the first person I'd ever missed and we've only been together a short time, yet it was
only logical that it would get worse as time passed. I did not like that fact.
It was not rational for Esme to forbid me from seeing Bella, but I was now conflicted, as I had been taught to
respect my guardians, and that included not disobeying them. If they were being illogical, did it mean that I
could bypass that rule? Also, since I was legally an adult, I was no longer bound by them by law, so I no
longer had to obey their rules. Yet those rules had worked and helped me until now, so would it be
beneficial to go against them?

I shivered, huddling in on myself for warmth and comfort. Considering the temperature had dropped
dramatically from when I first arrived in the woods, I was assuming that at least two hours had passed, but
with the rain I could not be sure. I knew that it was necessary for me to leave, but I was too cold and
exhausted to move. Because I left before dinner, I had not eaten in hours and I had very little energy. I was
afraid of returning to the house. I did not know if Emmett and Rosalie would still be angry with me, even
though I had not hit Rosalie on purpose. Although it was wrong of me to hurt her, she should not have
touched me while I was having a sensory breakdown. However, she was not as familiar with AS as my
adoptive family was. Perhaps if Emmett had not been yelling at Alice, he would have told her.
I quickly dismissed my thoughts. Thinking retrospectively was ridiculous, as you can't change what's
already happened.
Suddenly, I saw a beam of light shine through the trees. I cringed away from it instinctively. Then I heard
the sound of footsteps drawing closer, and the rain changed its rhythm as it made contact with something
other than foliage.
"Edward! Oh, God, Edward, are you okay?"
I raised my head and looked up at the figure running towards me.
"R-R-Rosalie," I said, my teeth chattering uncontrollably as she bent over me, a black umbrella keeping the
rain off of us, "I'm s-s-s-or-r-y that I h-h-h-it-t you," I managed.
"Shhh, Edward, please don't worry about that. I shouldn't have touched you," she replied, slowly reaching
out a hand and putting the back of her fingers against my forehead. I flinched slightly at the difference in
temperature.
"Jesus, Edward you're freezing," she whispered. It was true, so I said nothing.
"Are you hurt? Can you sit up?" she asked. I slowly turned, wincing at the feeling of my clothes moving
against my skin. It felt like a second skin, foreign and unyielding.
"N-not hurt. Just c-c-old," I said, as I shivered. Rosalie held out her umbrella to me.
"Take this," she said. I shook my head.
"I-I'm already we-et. It-t doesn't-t m-m-matter," I replied. Rosalie hesitated.
"Okay, I'm going to find Emmett. Don't move, okay?" I nodded, trying not to move too much as she turned
and ran back the way she came, taking the light with her. She was only gone for one minute and twenty two
seconds when she came back, Emmett following behind her, umbrella in hand. He dropped to his knees in
front of me. Before I could say anything, he wrapped his arms around me.
"I'm so sorry Edward. I shouldn't have hit you. I'm so so sorry," he said, hugging me tightly. It felt strange
having someone other than Bella embrace me, but I was grateful for the warmth.
"Em, he's so cold. We need to get him back to the house," Rosalie said, reaching down and putting a hand on
his shoulder. Emmett drew away and looked at my face closely. I averted my eyes, too tired to even try and
meet his gaze.

"You're so pale. Dad's gonna have to take a look at you. Okay, hold on Edward."
Before I could ask what I needed to hold on to, Emmett hooked an arm under my legs and steadied my back
with the other. I gripped on to Emmett's arm as he lifted me up and began to carry me out of the woods,
Rosalie taking up his discarded umbrella.
"N-no, I'm t-t-oo heavy, and it-t makes no sense. You're g-getting wet-t," Emmett laughed.
"You're too gangly to weigh a thing. We need to get you back to the house as soon as we can, Edward.
You've been out here for almost three hours," he explained. I nodded slowly, his logic making sense. My
eyes drooped, and I found myself being lulled to sleep by the predicable sound of Emmett's footsteps.

~*~

Chapter Notes:
Pythagorean triplets: Each set of three represents the lengths of the sides of a right triangle where all three
sides have integral lengths. Edward is reciting the first five primitive forms.
People with AS fall into two phenotypes when confronted with difficult emotions: Those who act
passive and submissive, yet controlling in subtle ways, and those who act dominant, aggressive and
controlling. Edward falls into the latter. As we have seen throughout this story, he always has to have
control in every situation, otherwise he cannot cope. He responds aggressively when faced with
situations he cannot handle, as seen in the first chapter with Bella, and here again with Rose.
Those with AS often act out in order to gain control of social situations. Edward needed everyone to
listen to him and explain what was happening. When they ignored him, he reacted violently. In his
mind, if he disrupted them enough, they would eventually do what he needed them to.
Articles:
AS grows up by Roger N. Meyer
Malice and Aspergers by Digby Tantam

~*~

Chapter Twenty ~ Reasons

BPOV
"Bella?"
I shook my head, not removing it from the cradle my hands had created as I absorbed all of the information.
I was seconds away from falling to pieces, and I knew that seeing Rosalie's bruised face would cause me to
lose control. So instead, I spoke without looking.
"How long was he outside for?"
A pregnant pause followed, my nerves screaming as I silently pleaded with them to simply tell me. I didn't
want to be spared. I needed to know.

"Almost three hours. He's sick, but Carlisle thinks he'll be okay. He just won't talk to anyone, so we don't
know what's going on with him. That's why we need your help," Rosalie said, a note of desperation in her
voice.
I exhaled loudly, and in one swift movement jerked my body upwards, and turned my eyes to the ceiling..
"What am I going to do about Esme? She won't let me near him on a good day, much less when he's in this
condition."
"She's not there. She had to go into work. Carlisle asked for you," Rosalie added. I drew my head back down,
finally able to meet her gaze.
"You know I'll come with you. I can't stay away," I said, a sad smile crossing my face, which Rosalie
returned. "I guess we'll deal with what happens if Esme finds out. I can't imagine this will make the
situation any better."
Silence was the only answer I received. None of us had an answer to my issues with Esme, because there
weren't any.
"Edward needs you."
I turned sharply as Alice's voice broke through the tense atmosphere. She lifted her bloodshot eyes to mine
as she spoke again.
"That's all that matters for now, right?" I looked at her for a moment, a silent connection passing between
us. She understood. Despite all that she may or may not believe about my relationship with Edward, she
knew that, right now, he needed me. I stood from my chair, nodding once at Alice before looking at Rose.
"Let's go," I said.
The closer we drew to the Cullen house, the more nervous I became. Although Rosalie had informed me
that Edward was fine, I couldn't help but worry about the repercussions from his breakdown. While I was
aware that Edward was not capable of holding a grudge, the fact that he was refusing to speak indicated
that in his mind, something was not right. He needed me last night, and as irrational as it sounded, I
couldn't help but feel I should have been there.
What if I couldn't help him this time? What if it was now beyond my power to reach him? I shook my head
quickly, knowing these thoughts were not going to solve anything. If I wanted to help Edward, I needed to
stay calm and think positively. Alice sat in the back of the car, not uttering a word to either of us. Even
though her actions had been reprehensible, I couldn't help but worry about her. She seemed so detached, a
shadow of the Alice I had come to know.
The sound of the engine cutting off roused my body, and before my mind had truly caught up, I was running
towards the house. Running towards Edward. I burst through the door and skidded to a halt as I almost ran
into Carlisle. His eyes widened in surprise at the sudden intrusion, but his expression softened when he
realized it was me.
"Good evening Bella," he said softly, "I see Rose and Alice found you alright,"

I nodded, slightly out of breath from exertion.

"How is he?" I panted. Dr Cullen offered me a sad smile.
"He's doing as well as can be expected. He had quite an emotional afternoon."
My heart clenched at his words, the pain he felt etched in every syllable. I offered him what I hoped was an
encouraging smile, which he returned.
"He's calmed down now. He still isn't speaking to anyone, so we can't be sure what it is he needs, but the
solitude seems to have helped," Dr Cullen added.
"May I see him?" I asked.
"He didn't really sleep much last night, so I think it's best to leave him for a while. When it's time for him to
eat, you can go see him. Does that sound fair?"
I nodded slowly, wondering what on earth I was going to do between now and then.
"Make yourself at home Bella. There are books in the library, and the music room and the TV are all yours.
I'll be in my study if you need anything," he said.
"Thank you," I replied, receiving a tired nod from Carlisle in response. He looked worse than Rosalie and
Alice did, probably due to taking care of Edward for most of the night and day. I fought against the urge to
careen up the stairs and into his room, but Edward needed sleep to heal, and I had to give him that.
"What do you wanna do now?" I jumped, forgetting that Rosalie and Alice were with me. Rosalie shot me an
apologetic look. I smiled.
"I'll probably head off to the library and find something to read. It will keep me distracted."
Rosalie nodded, stifling a yawn as she did. I laughed quietly.
"Why don't you go lie down?"
"Are you sure?" she asked, a mixture of relief and anxiety crossing her features.
"Yes. You're dead on your feet. I'll be fine, honestly," I said. Rose smiled, her body relaxing slightly at the
knowledge that rest was around the corner. She quickly pointed me in the direction of the library before
the two of us parted ways.
The library was amazing. Volumes upon volumes of books spread across each wall. The room was cozy,
with a sofa and two worn, deep red chairs around a table situated in the center.
Many of the books were obviously medical journals, but a vast majority of fiction could also be found. While
searching, I smiled to see that four shelves near the back of the room housed children's books. The Cullens
were obviously hoarders. I finally settled for a well-loved copy of Jane Eyre. It may have been its state that
attracted me to it out of the many classics I had to choose from.
I had only been reading for a few minutes when I heard someone clear their throat. I put down the book

and raised my eyebrows when I saw Alice standing before me.

"May I talk to you?" she asked, her voice foreign and almost unwelcome in the silence. I nodded, and she sat
in the chair opposite me, her hands twisting together hypnotically as she did so.
"I'm sorry," she said slowly, after a pause. "I'm sorry I accused you of manipulating my brother. I know we
haven't known each other for that long, but I do know you're not like that. I'm also sorry for saying that you
saw Edward as an easy option. I was angry I found out the way I did. I felt betrayed," she said, finally
looking up and meeting my eyes.
I sighed, "I'm sorry, Alice. I wanted to tell you. I knew I should, but I was afraid of how you would react. I
thought if Edward and I could further establish our relationship, you might understand it better," I said,
hoping she would understand."
Alice closed her eyes for a moment, visibly trying to compose herself. "I didn't mean for any of this to
happen," she began, her voice barely above a whisper, "I never wanted to hurt my brother. My only thought
was of protecting him. I didn't want him to get hurt, to end up like..." I blinked as Alice's sentence broke off,
her mouth clamping down almost on reflex. I frowned as her posture stiffened and she avoided my gaze.
"Like..?" I pressed, keeping my voice as light as I could. After a moment, Alice's shoulders sagged in defeat
and she exhaled.
"Like me."
The silence that followed was so dense, I could practically hear my mind attempting to make sense of her
declaration. Alice went back to folding her fingers together in painful patterns, her eyes staring unseeing at
the floor.
"Alice...what are you talking about?" I spluttered, my thoughts exploding into almost incoherent phrases.
Alice stilled her hands and she sighed.
"My own parents didn't want me. I don't need to understand exactly what happened to make them give me
up, and in a way I don't want to. Even as a baby I wasn't good enough. I should have taken this as a sign of
what would happen in the future. "
I frowned, feeling a little confused. Alice seemed to be making assumptions about her blood parents and
their motives for giving her up. It pained me to think that Alice truly believed she had not been a good
enough child for them. I wanted to interject, but I could tell she needed to talk and this was only the
beginning to the story, so I let her go on without interruption.
"Although our dad tries to make time for all of us, he's exceptionally busy. He's always had a soft spot for
Emmett, which I guess you can understand. He's so... charismatic and exciting to be around, and well, you
know what mom's like with Edward. It was harder when I was little, but in time, I just accepted that my
parents would never love me as much as they loved my brothers. I would never be good enough.."
I opened my mouth to protest, but no sound came out. I had no idea that Alice felt this level of rejection. I
could, in a way, see how she had drawn these conclusions.. Adopted children often feel unwanted and she
wound up in a family with a child with ASD and all the attention was focused on Edward and his needs.
Emmett was very self-reliant and as she said, charismatic, so he had less trouble adapting, but Alice was
much more sensitive. She needed attention and love and everyone was just too preoccupied to give it to

her.
She continued. "Edward and I were close growing up, before he was diagnosed. After he was diagnosed,
mom sat us down and explained as simply as she could about his condition. From then on, I sort of took it
upon myself to make sure that my brother would be alright. There were a few incidents over the years
where things went wrong for him, but I tried my best..." she trailed off, lost in her memories for a moment.
"I don't know when it happened, but after a while, Edward and I drifted apart. Even when I tried to speak to
him, it was awkward and wrong. We just didn't have the same relationship that we had as kids. I guess on
some level I resented him. He was so intelligent, so good at everything he set his mind to. My parents
praised him so highly, and because of the ASD, he got all the attention, and I guess I started to pull away
from him.
No matter how hard I tried, I could never get the top grades. I never found anything I was really good at, or
really passionate about. I tried various musical instruments, drama classes, dancing lessons, language
classes and even art, but nothing felt right. I knew it drove my parents crazy, but I felt I needed to find this
'thing' that I could do, and then my whole life would click into place. No matter how hard I tried, it just
didn't happen. Edward and Emmett started to bond, and I felt as if Edward had left me. Again, I was not
good enough."
"As a teenager, I got fed up with being ignored. I started acting out a little. I didn't do anything too
destructive or stupid, but I started skipping school, failing classes and staying out late. I know now that
everything I did was because I felt insignificant, but at the time I just liked the high my small rebellions gave
me. Of course that only made things worse. There were many parent-teacher conferences. My mom would
scream at me, saying I was letting her down and would compare me to my brothers. My dad would just say
he was disappointed in me. That was far worse. I'll never forget the look in his eyes.
By the time junior year started, I knew that if I wanted to get anywhere in life, I needed to get serious and
start making an effort. So I did. I pulled up my grades and decided that I would put my knowledge of ASD
into practice, except, by then, the damage was done. My parents thought it was a phase, and believed I
wouldn't have the strength and determination to follow through. Mom even told me not to try. In a way, I
understand their hesitation. I had never committed to anything before, but it still hurt that they no longer
had any faith it me,"
My mind flitted back to the first time I had met Esme. Her comments about Alice's academic studies now
made more sense. I looked at my friend, who was still staring straight in front of her.
"With my mediocre grades, I just managed to get into this program. I study as hard as I can, and sometimes
I barely pass, but I'm nearly done. I've finally managed to follow through on something, but it doesn't
matter to my parents. I'm not a genius like Edward; I'm not successful and charismatic like Emmett. I'm just
Alice. I'm not good enough."
Now she turned to face me, attempting to smile as her eyes watered.
"Then I met you, and you were everything I wanted to be. You had the grades, and so much experience and
intelligence. You were so driven and happy with your life. While I had drifted, you always knew what you
wanted and that was why you had achieved so much, while I was barely hanging on. I admit that when I
met you, I wanted to find a flaw with you, but I couldn't. You were so lovely, and so kind. I knew that I
couldn't hold it against you. It was stupid and immature, but in a way, I felt like you were stealing my life.
My friends, my family and then Edward..."

I couldn't stand it any longer. As her voice wavered, I flew off the couch and wrapped my arms around her.
Alice broke down, clutching hold of my shoulders and sobbing into my neck. I felt my own tears escape as
she tried to speak.
"I've been such a bitch to you... I'm so sorry, I really am. I just... I hate it... I hate feeling like this, and I lashed
out..."
"Shh, Alice, it's alright. You don't need to explain," I said, continuing to hug her until her sobs died down,
and then I pulled away. .
"Alice, I don't think you see how driven and determined you really are. Do you think you could have done
this work and gotten this degree if your heart wasn't in it? So what if you're not a straight A student! That's
not what matters, especially in our line of work. I know you're good at what you do, and I could tell from
the first time I met you that you were suited for this line of work."
Alice sniffed and stared up at me, her eyes magnified through tears.
"Really? I don't think..."
"Alice," I said sternly, "You need to start believing in yourself and what you do. When you work, you don't
have these insecurities. You need to show that side of yourself to your parents."
I could see her mind working through what I said.
"I also believe that Esme and Carlisle love and care for you. Edward just got a lot of attention because of the
ASD. That's very typical. Alice frowned. "I guess. I mean, I know that Edward is special and..."
"No," I said, sharply, causing Alice's eye to widen, "Edward has Asperger's syndrome, but that doesn't make
him any better or worse than you, and it does not mean that he is cared for more than you," I said, my
frustration bubbling up and overflowing before I could stop it.
"Acting the way you do with him is not right, Alice, anymore than it is with Esme. You treat him like he's a
child, or made of glass. He's not that fragile. Yes, you need to think about what you say and how you act, but
you shouldn't put him on a pedestal and leave him there. Treat him like a twenty year old man Alice,
because that's what he is. Let him have his own life and make his own decisions."
I cried, realizing that my rant had digressed completely. I could have been speaking to myself here. I had
been second-guessing his decisions and blaming myself. I also had to remember he was a twenty-year-old
man who could make his own decisions."You're not going to give up on him, are you?" Alice asked quietly.
I sighed, "I love him. I can't," I replied honestly.
"Bella."
I looked up. The only evidence of her momentary breakdown, were her red-rimmed eyes.
"I'm still not sure if my brother is able to have a real relationship with you, but it's obvious he needs you in
his life. I know that people with Asperger's syndrome can have successful relationships. There's a girl I
teach who has an NT boyfriend. It's just... it's Edward. Mom drilled into my mind so many years ago what

Edward was and wasn't capable of. I always believed she knew what was best for him because she seemed
so confident in what she was doing. Mom never believed Edward was capable of making his own decisions
and having his own life, and I never questioned her. I looked up to her, and trusted her judgement
completely. She was my example. I can see now that my trying to protect my brother was actually doing
more harm than good. I just want him to be happy," she finished.
For the first time in what felt like so long, a genuine smile lit up my face and I nodded.
"Seriously Bella, how did you manage to make anything from what was left in the fridge?" Rosalie marveled
as she continued to eat her soup. I laughed.
"If you grew up with my mother, you would be able to cook with just about anything, or you'd starve to
death," I replied.
"Well, thank you so much for making this Bella," Dr Cullen added, "You really didn't have to go to this much
trouble."
I shrugged, "Homemade soup isn't exactly gourmet cuisine. Plus, cooking keeps me occupied," I explained.
The three of us were eating my make- shift dinner at the kitchen table, both Rosalie and Carlisle looking far
more rested than before. Alice had left, actually asking her father if she could go and visit Jasper I had made
enough soup for her if she wanted any when she returned. I also had a bowl waiting to take to Edward. I
was anxious to see him, and luckily Carlisle seemed to sense this. He told me to go up and bring him his
soup and medication, and he'd come and get me before Esme came home.
Soon enough, I found myself slowly carrying a tray of soup, water and pills up the stairs, praying that my
characteristic clumsiness would not come into effect. By some miracle, I made it to Edward's room without
incident and slowly pushed open the door.
What I saw almost made me drop the tray. Edward was curled up on top of his bed, his covers discarded in
a heap around him. Instead of lying on his pillow, he was clutching it tightly against his body, his legs raised
up protectively so his knees brushed it. I smiled, blinking back tears as I stole across the room and placed
the tray on his bedside table. I stared at the adorable sight before me. A part of me didn't want to wake him,
but he had to take his medication and eat something. A softly as I could, I lowered myself onto the bed
beside him, before raising my hand and running it lightly through his hair. Edward stirred, grasping his
pillow more fervently, and I almost melted. I leaned down and kissed his forehead, stunned at the heat that
radiated from it, before whispering.
"Edward... Edward my love, you need to wake up."
Edward's sighed heavily, and I pulled back to see his eyes flickering as he fought off sleep. I moved my hand
down to his cheek, caressing it encouragingly.
"Wake up... come back to me..." I whispered, my voice wavering slightly as I spoke. Edward seemed to
freeze at my words and suddenly his eyes were drowning me, wide and shocked.. I couldn't rein in my
emotions any longer. My tears seeped out of the corners of my eyes as I leaned in and pressed my forehead
to his.
"I'm sorry," I choked out as his arms wrapped around me and pulled me down to him. I moved my head to
his shoulder, allowing myself a few minutes to lose control. Edward simply held me, crushing me to him, his

own tears staining my hair. After a moment, I slid away slightly, Edward following as I did. I removed the
pillow from between us, and Edward slipped his arm around my waist, clearly needing the contact.
"Don't cry," I whispered, reaching out and wiping away his tears. Edward frowned, mimicking my actions
and I allowed a short laugh to escape.
"I guess I'm not one to talk. I just... I hate seeing you this way. Alice and Rosalie told me what happened and
I... I wasn't here for you... you needed me and I..." I broke off, my emotions yet again taking control. In an
instant, Edward shifted so that our heads were once again together. I felt his hands as they stroked away
my tears silently as they continued to fall.
"Please..." I managed through sobs, "Edward, please talk to me... I'm so sorry; I know I wasn't here... please...
please..."
"Bella, stop apologizing for no reason." I stifled my sobs as Edward's scratchy voice broke through my
tirade. He made quick work of my tears, allowing me to see more than blurs before continuing.
"It seems that when I speak, no one responds as they should, so I am only talking when necessary until
everything returns to normal. I do not blame you for what happened, you were not scheduled to see me,
and how could you have known that I needed you? It makes no sense for you to feel you let me down. My
throat is very sore, my Bella. It hurts to talk," he explained, his voice low and strained.
I reached out a hand and ran it through his hair, watching as he sighed contentedly.
"You need taking care of," I said, and to my joy he nodded. I laughed lightly and he opened his eyes to look
at me.
"I'm glad you agree," I said, before leaning close to him and kissing his throat. Not content with the one kiss,
I made my way slowly up his throat, kissing every inch of skin that I could, only stopping when I reached
his jaw line. I leaned away, almost giggling as Edward frowned. It was strange how this short, perfect
moment together could temporarily wipe away the ache of what had happened since yesterday evening. I
leaned in and pressed a kiss to his temple before sitting up completely.
"You need to eat. I made you soup, so that should help with your throat," I said, getting up and picking up
the tray as Edward slowly gathered himself into a sitting position. As he ate, I studied him closely. He was
paler than I had ever seen him, and his eyes looked weary. I sat next to him as he ate and some color came
back to his face.
Edward managed to eat about half of the bowl before admitting defeat. I quickly removed the tray from his
lap, trying to suppress the worry about his lack of appetite. Collecting the pills and water, I offered them to
Edward, but he shook his head in reply. I frowned.
"Edward, you're sick. You need to take these," I insisted, confused as to why he was refusing. Edward shook
his head petulantly once more, before his arm towards me. I stood my ground for a moment, and then
caved, unable to refuse him the physical contact we both needed. I slid back down beside him, my head
finding its place on his shoulder as he wrapped his arms around me.
"They make me drowsy," he croaked, "I don't want to sleep and miss you. Nothing makes sense now, all my
timings are off and wrong. I don't know when I'll see you again."

I shuddered as I turned my face into his neck and inhaled his scent. I placed a small kiss there before sitting
up to look at him. I could understand why he was so afraid. His entire routine was now void, and with that,
everything he knew fell down with it. I leaned closer to him, kissing his forehead.
"I'm going to stay here with you for a while longer, even if you do fall asleep," I said, smiling at him. He
managed a small smile in response.
"Then I'll be back on Friday at our normal time. I'll find a way to see you. I'm not leaving you, Edward," I
said, knowing I would do everything in my power to make it happen..
"Thank you, my Bella," he said.
"Now will you take the pills?"
He nodded and I handed him the pills and the water, which he took without further argument.
Once the water was safely back on the table, I clambered into bed beside Edward. I had never shared a bed
with anyone before, let alone with someone I was in a relationship with, yet as Edward curled up beside
me, resting his head in the crook of my neck and embracing me tightly, I felt nothing but contentment. I
managed to twist the arm he'd been lying on to run my hands through his hair rhythmically, and within
minutes he was sleeping again. I sighed and closed my own eyes, finally allowing the exhaustion to take me.

~*~

Chapter Twenty-One ~ Building Bridges

BPOV
Crying at work was unacceptable. When a situation occurred that tested our boundaries, both emotionally
and physically, it was essential that we stayed in control. Tantrums were common, especially with the
younger children, and no matter what they said or did, you had to keep your wits about you. Tears signified
that whatever the children were doing was affecting you emotionally and was a sign of weakness.
Professionalism was always to be maintained. It was what we were trained for.
So when one of us cried during work, it was never over something trivial.
"Here Ang," I said, reaching around her shoulder to pass her a tissue. She smiled, sniffing and wiping her
eyes.
"Thanks Bella. I'm sorry about all of this," she said, gesturing to herself. I shook my head sternly.
"Don't be silly. There's nothing to apologize for!" I replied, picking up the hairbrush and gently running it
through her hair. Angela winced, and I followed suit as the brush filled with a single stroke. She saw my face
in the mirror, and a panicked expression crossed her features.
"It's okay, honestly," I said quickly, not wanting her to get the wrong impression, "You haven't lost too
much. I think because your hair is so thick, it's worse than it seems."

Angela looked at me skeptically. "Really?" she said.

I nodded, "Honestly, it isn't that bad. You don't have any bald patches. You're not bleeding. Your scalp's just
raw. It's okay, really."
Angela sighed and nodded slowly, and I picked up the brush once more. She had been trying to calm down
Daniel as he threw a full-blown tantrum. He was usually such a passive child, but when something went
wrong for him, he was a nightmare. Despite the fact that Angela had been soothing him, he had reached up,
buried his hands in her hair and pulled. We did manage to persuade him to let go swiftly, but not before he
took handfuls of her hair with him.
I think it had partially been shock that had caused her tears. Angela had been superb about the entire affair,
excusing herself formally to Miss Linton in front of the other children, and not breaking until after she had
left the classroom. After we had successfully calmed the class, Miss Linton had excused me so that I could
make sure she was alright. Luckily, it was the end of the day, so our presence was not necessary. I had
found her in the bathroom, tearfully attempting to sort out her hair.
I turned as the door of the bathroom opened, bringing me back to the present. I blinked as Alice entered
with a look of concern on her face.
"I passed Miss Linton in the hallway and she told me what happened," she said by way of explanation,
"Ange, how are you feeling?"
Angela sighed. "I'm fine. I just have to be really careful with my hair for a while," she said glumly.
Before I knew it, Alice had launched into a speech about conditioning products, oil treatments and the
benefits of scarves and headbands and Angela and I were laughing at Alice's absurd ideas for hairstyles
which she insisted on demonstrating on me. By the time Angela left, she was smiling as if the incident had
never happened. Alice seemed to have the natural ability to simply be what someone needed, and knew
how to react to whatever problems they had. I don't think she even noticed that she did it. It was an
exceptional quality to have, one of the reasons she was so well suited for this job. All she needed to do was
believe in herself.
The two of us left the bathroom and made our way towards the school exit. It was slightly awkward
between us, but not overly so. I hadn't seen her for long at school on Thursday, but we had shared a small
conversation. Alice informed me that Edward was feeling better, and was able to have his meals at the
correct times, thus giving him slightly more structure. Although he'd been upset when he didn't feel well
enough to complete his piano practice for the usual amount of time, nothing disastrous had occurred in my
absence. I was grateful for the update on his condition. I couldn't help but panic about his state of mind
when I pictured his look of fear and confusion in the wake of what happened , and I wanted so badly to
bring him stability once more. By continuing with our routine, I was giving him as much as I could, all
things considered. I could only hope that the Cullens were helping him when I couldn't.
"My parents want to meet Jasper."
I jumped, as Alice's voice echoed in the silent corridor.
"What happened?"
"During the argument, Edward revealed that we had been... seeing each other. My parents wanted to know

exactly what was going on between us. I didn't really know what to say... I mean, we weren't officially a
couple. I made up something that sounded plausible, hoping that would get them off my back, but then
Jasper and I decided to make it official, so he agreed to meet my parents and now he's coming to dinner on
Sunday and I have no idea what to do!" she moaned.
I smiled. "I'm really happy for you, Alice, and I'm sure everything will go fine. Jasper is wonderful and I'm
sure your parents will love him. They probably just want to get to know him better and nothing more," I
said. It had occurred to me that she may have been holding back in her relationship with Jasper due to her
insecurities. The fact that she and Jasper seemed to be moving forward gave me hope that Alice may
someday be able to overcome her other issues.
Alice raised an eyebrow at me.
"Are we talking about the same people here? Plus, Emmett's already sworn to beat the shit out of him if he
ever comes near me again. This is a disaster waiting to happen!" she moaned, throwing open the door and
leading the way towards the parking lot.
"Emmett won't do anything, Alice. Rose won't let him. He's just being his usual over-protective self. He
cares about his little sister," I added, trying to make her see how much her brother really did care about her
welfare. Alice sighed and shrugged, but didn't say anything to contradict what I said. I took this as a sign of
progress.
By now we had reached our cars. Alice turned, looking back at me for a moment.
"Ummm... I guess I'll see you at the house. Maybe we could... do something, together. All of us. If... if you
don't mind?" she stammered, twisting her hands awkwardly as she spoke.
My eyes widened in shock, amazed that Alice was already actively trying not only to accept my relationship
with Edward, but to bond with the two of us as a couple. I couldn't help but feel relieved and grateful that
she was trying so hard.
I nodded, "Yes, I'd love that," I replied. Alice smiled, nodding and waving as she went to her car. I smiled to
myself as I watched her pull away. It seemed after all that had happened over the past few days, things
were looking up.
By the time I pulled into the Cullens' driveway, my positive thoughts had dimmed slightly. Although Dr.
Cullen had indicated he had no issues with me seeing his son, I knew that Esme would not be as accepting.
As far as I knew, what she had said before Edward's breakdown still stood, and the fact that Dr. Cullen had
invited me over while she was at work only confirmed my suspicions I did not want to cause any dissention
between him and Esme, and if she found out he was going against her wishes, I was sure she would not be
pleased.
"Bella!"
I smiled as I stepped out of the car, waving to Emmett who was standing in the doorway.
"Thank God you're here!" he announced as I drew closer, "Edward's been driving me crazy."
My eyes widened in fear at his words. Emmett glanced at me, understanding dawning on his face as he
witnessed my panic.

"Oh, no it's nothing to worry about. He's just been telling me at regular intervals how many hours it is until
you arrive. He started counting at seven hours, so it got old pretty quickly," he explained.
I laughed, but I couldn't help but blush at the thought of Edward missing me so much. Emmett sensed my
mood and rolled his eyes before shoving me gently towards the stairs.
"Fine, go on, leave me. I know when I'm not wanted," he said, pouting dramatically. I laughed, shaking my
head as I started up the stairs. Emmett had effectively lightened my mood with our short conversation,
something that I was exceptionally thankful for.
I watched as Emmett disappeared into the living room before continuing warily on my way. I could hear the
sounds of others moving about the house, and I couldn't help but hurry towards Edward's room. I reached
the door and knocked firmly.
"Come in."
I pushed open the door and stopped abruptly at the threshold, my eyes glued to the figure sitting up in bed.
"Edward... why are you wearing a scarf indoors?" I asked.
Edward tipped his head to one side, his eyes drawing me into the room. He waiting until I had closed the
door before he replied.
"My throat is still sore, and the warmth of the scarf is soothing. I like it. How are you my Bella? Did you have
a good day?" Edward finished, greeting me in the way he always did. I smiled, walking to the bed and sitting
on the edge. Edward was propped up with two pillows, books and papers surrounding him.
"My day was fine, thank you. Have you been studying?" I asked, gesturing towards his surroundings.
"Yes. Esme insisted that I continue to rest, but she and Dr. Cullen allowed me to study as long as I remained
in bed. I have done my scheduled amount of work for today, and I am able to see you, so things are
returning to normal. I have not been able to practice piano for the entire hour, which is distressing.
However, I believe that I should be able to return to my routine tomorrow," he said.
I smiled, "That's wonderful Edward. I am glad that everything is returning to normal."
"Thank you. Bella, why are you sitting so far away?" Edward asked bluntly. He cleared away some of his
books, moved over in the bed, and pulled back the covers. I smiled, feeling a little self-conscious as I
crawled into bed with him. Edward grinned widely, twisting his body so he was facing me, and clutched my
hand in his. He leaned forward, placing his forehead against mine, closing his eyes as he did so. I reached up
and wound my fingers into his hair, brushing my hands through the knots that I found there.
"May I kiss you? I don't believe I am contagious," Edward whispered.
I had to hold in a laugh. He was irresistibly adorable. I nodded, allowing Edward to take the lead.
I was not prepared for the enthusiastic kiss I received, but I wasn't going to object to it. I had to grip onto
the back of Edward's hair tightly in order to stay upright, keeping in mind that I needed to keep myself in
check.

However, the increased pressure on Edward's hair seemed to have the opposite effect, urging him to
deepen our kiss to a level that I was unaware he was comfortable with. He moved his hand to the side of my
face, his touch causing a shiver that racked my body. Noticing my reaction, Edward attempted to bring me
closer, his other arm looping around my waist. Finally my lack of balance caused me to tip backwards, my
grip on Edward's hair loosening as I fell onto the bed. Edward's eyes widened as he looked down at me, my
face crimson from the kiss and my fall. He smiled, moving down towards me and kissing my lips chastely.
He pulled back and hovered over me as he spoke.
"Sorry, my Bella, I didn't mean to make you fall. I have missed you. I am sorry that I got too carried away,"
he said, his hand tracing my cheek absently as he spoke.
"I'm not complaining," I replied, reaching up and linking my fingers with his. Edward smiled and moved to
lie next to me on his side, draping his arm around my torso when I moved to face him.
"This is nice. I like being so close to you, in my own circle. Well, our circle now," Edward muttered, more to
himself than to me.
His words struck me deeply. I was amazed at how willing Edward was to let me in. The fact that he wanted
me to be a part of his solitary space spoke volumes as to how important our relationship was to him. In that
moment, I wondered when we would talk about the extent of our feelings for each other. Neither of us had
discussed emotions, and the role that they played between us, but I knew it was something that would need
to be brought up soon. This was not like other relationships, where you got caught up in emotions and just
told the other person you loved them. Like everything else we did, it would involve a process.
However, I did not feel this conversation should take place just yet. The atmosphere was too volatile,
Edward's routine too disjointed, and too much had occurred in the past few days. We needed to talk when
we were free to discuss and just be us, away from the fears of what others would do or say.
"What do you want to do tomorrow?"
I blinked, as my thoughts scattering at Edward's question.
"What do you mean?"
Edward frowned, three little wrinkles appearing on his brow, and I resisted the urge to smooth them out.
"It is our date night tomorrow, my Bella. Did you forget?" he asked.
"No!" I insisted, a little louder than I should have. Edward winced at the increased volume, and I leaned
forward and kissed him.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to shout. I just wasn't sure if we would still be doing something tomorrow,
considering what has happened recently," I explained, running a hand through his hair as I spoke, knowing
this calmed him. Edward closed his eyes and sighed.
"I don't understand it," he said quietly, keeping his eyes closed, "I don't understand why Esme said I can't
see you. She won't explain it to me. Emmett and Rosalie are allowed to see each other, and Jasper is coming
over for dinner tomorrow night. Why am I not permitted to be with someone?" he asked.

I closed my eyes, shifting closer and resting my head against his. It aggravated me that no one had yet
explained anything to him.
"Esme doesn't like me very much," I whispered.
"But I like you. That's what is important," Edward said. I smiled, tilting my head and kissing him slowly.
"Yes, it is," I said against his mouth, feeling him smile.
Before either of us could say or do anything further, there was a knock at the door. Edward rolled away and
sat up instantly, leaving me frozen on the bed. I didn't think it was a good idea to be caught in bed with
Edward, no matter how innocent it was, yet before I even had a chance to move, Edward had invited the
person in, and the door was opening.
"Whoa, Bella, you move fast!"
I breathed out a sigh of relief as Emmett, Rosalie and Alice entered the room, Emmett grinning maniacally
at us
"I don't think she moves particularly quickly," Edward said suddenly, "I would say that I move faster than
she does."
Emmett's mouth fell open, and a vibrant blush lit my face at his announcement. To my amazement, Rosalie
and Alice simultaneously burst into laughter, and Emmett joined them.
"I don't understand," Edward muttered, nuzzling his head into my shoulder. I smiled and turned to face
him, my hand curling up into his hair.
"Emmett was insinuating that I..." I blushed again, and glared at the other three as their laughter increased
at my embarrassment.
"That I had been moving fast, in a sexual way," I finished quickly. Edward's eyes widened and he turned
away from me, his cheeks coloring
"Hey," I said softly, raising my hand and turning his face towards me. He was focusing intently on the bed,
his hands twisting in the sheets. I felt terrible that his brother's words had made him so uncomfortable. I
never wanted Edward to feel like that with me. I dipped my head down and kissed him on the nose quickly.
Edward finally looked up. I smiled.
"Please don't turn away from me," I said, leaning my head against his shoulder and looking up at him,
"Although the back of your head is lovely, I prefer looking at your face."
Edward smiled and looked down at me, nodding once as I sat up. I leaned in and kissed him, momentarily
forgetting that we had an audience until they started cheering.
"You two are far too sweet and innocent for your own good," Rose grumbled, moving forward and sitting
on the edge of the bed. Emmett followed, muttering something that sounded like, "let's see how long that
lasts", but I decided to ignore him. Edward pulled me to his side, my head resting on his shoulder while he
ran his fingers through my hair.

"I think it's cute," Alice said quietly as she joined us. I smiled at her, happy that she was accepting us so
readily.
"What can we do for you?" Edward asked.
"We just wanted to come see you guys," Rosalie said with a shrug.
"Yeah, we're bored, you're interesting," Emmet declared, causing Rosalie to roll her eyes.
Emmett grinned wickedly. "So, what were you guys doing?"
"We were discussing what we are going to do tomorrow night," Edward replied.
"What's tomorrow night?" Alice asked, picking up one of Edward's books and reading the blurb.
"It's our date night," Edward informed her.
There was a small silence in the room as everyone gazed at us sympathetically. They all knew the
predicament we faced. I sighed, feeling upset that it was unlikely that Edward and I would be able to spend
our Saturday night together. There was a possibility that Carlisle would not mind, but I didn't think he
could sway Esme.
"I have an idea."
All of us turned to face Alice. She glanced up at me as she continued.
"We could all go out, together. Like a triple date." There was a pause in the wake of her words, before
Rosalie voiced her opinion.
"Good thinking," she replied. I had to admit, it was a good solution. While it was not ideal, it was probably
the best one for the time being. Despite the issues I had with Esme, I did not want to be disrespectful
towards her. If we wanted this to work and gain her approval, we needed to prove to her that we were
worthy of it. Continuing with our relationship, but including everyone in the family, might make Esme more
comfortable with the idea. This way, it won't seem so much like a "date" and she will know that if anything
happens, Emmett and Alice would be there.
"Triple date? I assume you'll be bringing Jasper then," Emmett said to Alice, a hint of warning in his voice.
Alice stiffened.
"Yes, I will be bringing Jasper," she replied carefully, looking Emmett in the eye. Rosalie sighed and rubbed
Emmett's arm, and after a moment, he grudgingly relaxed.
Edward looked disappointed. "I don't want to share you. I know it's selfish, but it's our date night. I wanted
to spend it with you," Edward whispered. I smiled sadly and looked up at him.
"It isn't selfish. I feel the same way," I answered, "but it is still a date, and we will still be spending time
together as a couple. We just have to do it a little differently this week."
"It will be fun, I promise," Alice assured us quickly. Edward simply stared at her for a few moments before

turning back to me.

"I supposed you are right. After all, as long as you are there with me, my Bella, then that is all I need," he
said.
"Great!" said Alice, looking very pleased with herself.
I didn't want to leave. I knew that I would see Edward tomorrow, but it did nothing to soothe the ache that I
felt as I kissed him goodbye.
"He's looking so much better now," Rosalie mused as she, Emmett, Alice and I made our way down the
stairs.
"He does. Plus he's calmer and happier, thanks to Bella," Emmett added, nudging me with his elbow.
Alice turned and smiled at us. "So where should we go tomorrow?" she asked.
"Tomorrow?"
I froze as Dr. Cullen's voice floated up the stairs. I turned slowly, my eyes widening as Esme and Carlisle's
figures appeared at the bottom of the stairs.
"We're all going out tomorrow evening. The six of us," Emmett said with a shrug, acting as if this was the
most mundane of topics. Esme's eyes narrowed, her glare fixing on me, yet surprisingly she did not speak. I
found myself desperately searching for somewhere else to look. Dr. Cullen, provided me with a welcome
alternative.
He smiled. "That sounds like a good idea. I know Edward's feeling better, and he would probably enjoy
spending a few hours out of the house," he said.
Rosalie shifted nervously on the step below me, also feeling the extreme awkwardness of this conversation.
I moved my eyes to the back of her head, focusing on each strand of her hair in order to prevent myself
from being caught in Esme's gaze.
"Bella?"
I looked up as Dr. Cullen addressed me. He turned and had a silent conversation with his wife for a moment
before looking back at me.
"We're having a family dinner on Sunday evening, and we would love it if you could join us. Wouldn't we
dear?" he said, turning once again and staring pointedly at his wife.
Esme sighed heavily before looking up at me.
"Yes, Bella. Please do come," she replied. Her voice was pleasant, yet her eyes had not lost their air of
hostility. The tension in the room increased tenfold as they all waited for my answer.
"I'll be there," I answered, meeting Esme's gaze levelly as I spoke.

~*~

Chapter Twenty-Two ~ Desire

EPOV
"Edward, are you sure you're well enough to go out?"
This was the second time Esme had posed this question in less than seven and a half minutes. I had already
answered affirmatively, so I simply ignored her and continued getting ready. I had completed everything
within my routine perfectly, and was no longer ill. There was no reason for me not to go out with my Bella
on our date night.
I had already told her this and did not need to tell her again. I therefore concluded this was yet another
attempt to keep me away from Bella. If she could not give me a logical reason as to why I was not allowed to
see her, then I would not comply. It made no sense, so I could not obey her, even if I was supposed to
respect my elders. I found myself reciting multiples of five in my head as I located my coat, hat, gloves and
scarf. I did not want to lose control again, so I did not allow my thoughts to continue in that direction.
Numbers made sense. Esme did not.
"Edward... look at me, please," Esme demanded. I turned around to face her, waiting for her to speak.
"I just... I want you to be okay. That's all. It's all I've ever..." she paused, turning away from me, which was
odd as she always insisted on holding my gaze when we spoke. Her fragmented words seemed to have no
point, but I waited, knowing that it was rude of me to interrupt.
"Just be careful, Edward. I don't want anything to happen to you," she said.
I blinked.
"I can't guarantee that nothing will happen to me, but I will be as careful as I can," I replied, answering her
words, even though I did not understand the meaning behind them.
Esme continued to look at me for a while, and I it made me uncomfortable. I did not like how her eyes
appraised me with her silent staring. I didn't understand what it meant.
"You're not my little boy anymore, are you? You grew up and I don't even remember it happening."
With that, Esme stood from my rocking chair and made her way out of my room, only pausing to ruffle my
hair as she passed. I dismissed her words quickly, as they were completely illogical. I was twenty years old,
so I had not been a little boy for many years. I grew older every day, so she should have been able to chart
my growth perfectly. Her words were also completely out of context to her previous questions, so I chose to
ignore them.
Alice had decided that bowling would be our activity for the evening. I walked the four paces to my closet
and retrieved my bowling shoes and ball. My bowling ball was blue and had my name on it. I had been
bowling before, of course. It's why I had my own shoes and ball, since Esme knew I would not use those of
the bowling alley.

I did not like the idea of wearing shoes that had been on so many people's feet. I remember as a child
touching a pair of shoes that Alice had rented. I still remember the vile, vinegar color of the insides and the
horrific squelching sound as the toxic aged sweat leaked onto my skin.
Then there were the bowling balls. I've seen what people eat when they bowl. There was no telling what
could be inside those three holes. Unless precautions were taken, bowling could be an exceptionally
unhygienic experience.
I knew what to expect and that I would be able to cope. It was loud, but not unbearably so. Alice had called
ahead to make sure that it would not be too crowded this evening, and made sure that it was the alley I
always went to. She had catered to my needs well, which meant that there was a good probability that I
would enjoy the evening. Despite the fact that it had been a while since I had been bowling, I was sure that
with my Bella there, I would be fine. I always felt better in her presence, and I trusted that she would help
me with any difficulties I may have during the evening.
I was putting my shoes in the bag with my ball when there was a knock on the door that startled me. "Come
in," I called.
"Hey bro!"
"Hello Emmett."
"Whoa, Edward, it's really not that cold outside. I don't think you need all that," Emmett said, gesturing to
my coat, hat and scarf..
"The temperature will decrease later in the evening, and I do not know how long we will be out.. Plus, I
have been ill recently, so I would rather be too warm than take the chance of being too cold," I explained.
Emmett smiled before falling down onto my bed.
"Better safe than sorry I guess... oh, hey, Edward, that reminds me. I think we should talk before we go out,"
Emmett said.
I walked the seven steps to my rocking chair and sat, gaining a comfortable rhythm before answering him.
"What would you like to talk about? We have eleven minutes before Bella and Jasper will arrive," I added,
making sure Emmett was aware of our time limit. He was notorious for ruining people's schedules.
Even though it was out of the way, Bella wanted to meet me here so we could drive together. I would be
spending the journey with my Bella, which I was looking forward to, as it would be nice to spend some time
alone with her, even if it was only for a short time. "It's about you and Bella," he said, sitting up and looking
directly at me. I paused in my rocking.
"What about me and Bella?" I asked.
"I'm trying to remember if mom and dad ever gave you 'the talk'... I remember what happened when they
had it with Alice... god, that was a nightmare. That girl was far too curious for an eight-yearold. Anyway, I
swear I would remember if they talked with you," he said.

"I've had many talks with Esme and Dr. Cullen, Emmett. What subject are you referring to?" I asked, feeling
exasperated at his cryptic words and inability to stay on topic.
"The physical parts of a relationship... sex, Edward. And everything that comes with it."
I felt the blood rush to my face as embarrassment coursed through me.
"I know about sex," I answered, hoping that he would be satisfied with my answer and leave me alone.
"Anatomically, right?" he asked.
"Is there any other way to know about it?" I responded.
I had studied sexual intercourse when learning biology, and understood the purpose and mechanisms of it.
I knew the pleasurable sensations that were a by-product of sexual intercourse, which motivated
individuals to partake in sexual relations so the propagation of the species could continue. The act was
meant for reproduction, and I did not want to reproduce, so Emmett bringing this topic up now was
confusing.
"Oh yeah. Why do you think it's so important in relationships, Edward? It's a connection, an expression of
the feelings two people have for one another. It's a deep, intimate bond you share with someone, a side of
you that you trust with only that person. Not to mention how damn good it feels," he said with a laugh.
I began to rock again, his words further confusing me.
"Really, Edward, you're in a serious relationship now. It's something you need to think about and talk to
Bella about. I'm not telling you to just jump in there and do it bro, but just know that it's something to
consider in the future. Bella's probably been thinking about it too, ya know. If you ever wanna talk to me
about anything, I'm here for you, Edward. That's all I wanted to say."
Still rocking, I watched as Emmett got up and left the room, closing the door behind him. I sat there, trying
to absorb all of the information Emmett had given me. What immediately worried me was his insistence
that emotions played such a central role in the act. Considering the difficulties I had with emotions, did that
mean I couldn't have sexual relations in the same way NT's did? Would that pose a problem for us?
I liked having Bella as a girlfriend, but not in the same way that other's seemed to view their respective
partners. I didn't understand this notion of chemistry or an instant bond that defied all else. Bella and I
were suited in many ways, enough so as to build a successful relationship. I enjoyed her company, and the
comfort that her touch gave me. So if I couldn't feel this 'connection' as my brother put it, then would sex
have no meaning for me?
I shook my head, blood rushing to my face yet again as I contemplated the topic. I shouldn't be thinking
about Bella that way. Up until a few moments ago, I had not even considered the possibility of starting a
sexual relationship with Bella, as I didn't want to have children yet, but Emmett had said it is something
that I should be thinking about now.
He may be correct that it was an important part of a relationship, but since I'd never had a relationship
before, I could not understand why. I knew that when we kissed, my body's reactions towards Bella had
increased in magnitude of late. Did that mean I wanted sexual contact?

This thought scared me. I knew what to do, in theory, but that did not mean it would work in practice. In
fact, I was certain that I would be terrible at it, since I had no experience. I did not want to disappoint Bella,
but the only way that I would get better would be to practice, but I would have to practice with her. I could
see no way out of this cycle, and it was beginning to hurt my head, so I quickly moved on.
Should I even be contemplating this? Was it right to have sex without the need to procreate? Emmett
seemed to believe so, and he was having sex, so he would obviously know better.
What he said did make logical sense. The act solidified a relationship and it symbolized sharing and trust
between two people. So if he was right, when should two people start their sexual relationship? It seemed
logical that there should be some sort of marker to define the appropriate time to enter into a sexual
relationship, but in reality, I knew there wasn't.
So should I already be having sex with Bella? Was Bella disappointed that we hadn't yet? Was I being a
terrible boyfriend for not even thinking about having sex with her until my brother had mentioned it to
me?
A knock at my door drew me from my constant questioning. I glanced at the clock before answering. We
were supposed to leave in four minutes.
"Come in," I called.
The door opened and I smiled as Bella walked in. She smiled in return, taking off a pair of dark gloves as she
closed the door.
"Hi Edward, how are you?" she asked, walking over to me.
"I'm well, thank you Bella. Did you have a good day?" I asked as she stopped in front of me.
"It was good, thank you, Edward," she replied.
I didn't like her being so far away from me. She was meant to be as near to me as possible so she was
always part of our circle. I needed her with me. I held out my arms, waiting for her to come to me. Bella
didn't move for a moment, but then she stepped forward and since I was still in the chair, she bent down to
wrap her arms around my neck.
I realized this position was probably uncomfortable for her, so I wrapped one arm around her back, and
used the other to hook behind her knees, picking her up and drawing her onto my lap. Bella shrieked, and I
winced at the volume. I suddenly felt guilty. I had performed an action without informing her first, one that
had obviously upset her. I leaned back, twisting around to look at her.
"I'm very sorry my Bella, I should have warned you..."
Yet before I could continue, she kissed me. I did not like the fact that she had interrupted me in order to do
so, but I wouldn't complain about it, considering how much I enjoyed being kissed by Bella.
She pulled away before my body could start reacting too much, and I was glad. I was still confused as to
how I should, and should not, react.
"I don't mind at all," she whispered, before dropping her head onto my shoulder and kissing my neck twice.

I closed my eyes, pulling Bella closer as I rocked us back and forth.

My worries about our physical relationship did not bother me in this moment, when we were together in
our circle. The rhythm of the chair, the warmth and smell of Bella surrounding me and the way that she
lightly scratched my scalp was so soothing and comforting. I did not want to leave. However, it was
inevitable that we should do so, as we had a schedule to keep.
"It's time to leave, my Bella," I said. Bella sighed against my neck, the feel of her warm breath making me
shiver, my body temperature suddenly increasing.
"Can't we stay here? I like this," Bella answered, her voice muffled against my neck.
Each time she spoke, the heat from her mouth spread right through my body. After my conversation with
Emmett, I was now hyper aware of my body's response to her, and this did nothing but increase my
confusion. Then without warning, Bella removed herself from my lap and stood up. I was upset that she
was now too far away, but glad I no longer had to worry about my physical reactions.
"Come on then, let's go," Bella said, holding a hand out to me. I smiled and took it, intertwining our fingers
as I always did. As I collected my things, while keeping Bella's hand in mine, I recalled an important part of
Emmett's advice.
I had to talk to Bella.
I was annoyed with myself that I had overlooked this crucial piece of advice. Bella always managed to
explain things to me that I did not understand. I needed to know what she thought about our physical
relationship, especially if I had not been approaching it in the correct way.
I didn't know what she wanted, which was terrible, as I was her boyfriend and should know. I also needed
to share my concerns with her, and hopefully she would be able to logically explain the issues that
perplexed me. The answer was so logical, I should have thought of it sooner. All I had to do was talk to
Bella. No matter how embarrassed or worried I was, she could always reassure me. I was in no doubt this
situation wouldn't be any different.
"Bella," I said, stopping before we reached the door.
"Yes, Edward?" she asked, smiling at me. I dropped my eyes, focusing on our connected fingers. It helped
me to concentrate on what I had to say.
"I need to talk to you about something important. However, we do not have time to do so today, as our
routine is already full. Could you make time for us to talk tomorrow before or after dinner?" I asked.
"Of course I can. Is there something wrong?" Bella asked, her hand moving to my cheek. I raised my eyes to
her face and shook my head.
"No, I am just confused and need to discuss something with you," I explained. I quickly moved my head and
kissed her finger tips, liking the pressure of the small pads on my lips. Bella laughed, pulling her hand away
and leaning up towards me.
"I'm going to kiss you now," she said. I smiled and did nothing to stop her.

"Bowling, Alice? Was this all you could come up with?" Rosalie said.
"What's wrong with bowling?" Alice replied.
I didn't say anything, but simply pulled Bella closer to me and buried my head into her shoulder.
Less than three minutes had passed since Bella and I had arrived at our destination, and I already disliked
this triple date. I wanted my Bella to myself. .
"Is bowling too loud? Do you want to do something else?" Bella suddenly asked me.
"I already called ahead, and it's not busy tonight," Alice answered, which was rude, since Bella had asked
me the question.
Bella wrapped her arms around me, pulling me closer. I smiled, glad that she enjoyed the closeness as much
as I did.
"I have not been in a while, my Bella, but I am sure that I will be okay," I assured her.
"Alright, if you're sure. If it gets too much, just tell me and we can go for a walk or something," she said.
I couldn't help but kiss her then. Once again, Bella had used her mind to find a solution that benefitted the
situation and was a perfect compromise. I kissed her hard, pulling her flush against me, deepening our kiss
to a level that was probably not appropriate in public.
Somehow my need to obey society's expectations did not seem so important when it came to Bella. When I
finally released her, her cheeks were bright and she was breathing heavily. I tilted my head to one side,
caressing her flushed skin with the backs of my finger tips. The feel of her skin against mine still caused a
spark throughout my body. It was thrilling, and I wished that it would never stop.
"Okay you two, enough PDA. Let's go inside," Rosalie said, clapping her hands and walking towards the
entrance of the bowling alley.
I was not sure what PDA stood for, but I concluded that it had something to do with our kiss, so I did not
bother asking. I grabbed Bella's hand and walked towards the entrance. As I passed Emmett, he winked at
me, and I blushed as I recalled our earlier conversation.
"Edward? Are you okay? You're flushed. Are you feeling sick?" Bella asked, stopping me and putting a hand
to my forehead. Emmett laughed from behind us, but I ignored him, concentrating on Bella's hand.
"I'm fine, my Bella. I do not feel ill at all," I reassured her. Bella studied me for a moment, then nodded and
took up my hand again. We walked into the bowling alley. The change in light and temperature hit me
immediately, sending my senses into overdrive. I blinked a few times, concentrating on counting my steps
and the feel of Bella's hand in mine. She was my grounding force. I would be alright if I was with her.
I jumped the first few times that a ball clattered down an alley, but once I became accustomed to the sound,
it was simply a dull ache in the background. I went with the others while they got their shoes, which
disturbed me slightly.
We finally found our reserved lane, and the four of them were already setting up as we approached.

"How're you doing?" Bella asked me, her voice cutting through my counting. I pulled off my coat, my nerves
feeling a little better without the layer of fabric trapping in the unnecessary warmth.
"I'm adjusting," I responded, sitting in a plastic chair, being careful not to touch it with my bare skin. I hated
the feel of plastic. It was so smooth, yet it caught on my fingertips, clinging to me when I did not want it to.
It also made a high-pitched noise when it connected with flesh that was intolerable. Bella sat down next to
me, taking my hand in hers. She then lowered her face so that she could meet my eyes.
"Talk to me Edward. I know something's bothering you," she said, keeping the pitch of her voice low. I was
grateful that she recognized my senses were already heightened. Bella really was astounding.
"I'm just adjusting to this atmosphere. It's difficult, because it all rushes in at once, so it is hard for my
senses to take everything in," I paused as yet another ball struck the pins. The sound still pulsed in my
mind, yet it did not hurt as much as it had when we first entered the bowling alley.
Bella pulled my head onto her shoulder, her hands automatically going to my hair. I instantly felt calmer,
more able to deal with everything.
"If it's too much, we can leave, Edward. Don't push yourself too hard," she murmured, her fingers
continuing their rhythm.
"It will be fine. I need to do things like this, to help adjust myself to social situations. I want to be with my
girlfriend, and my family and friends, and enjoy our time together," I replied. Bella's hand stilled in my hair,
and I leaned away in order to look at her. She smiled, and leaned forward, resting her forehead against
mine.
"You deserve to enjoy this night. You deserve a lot more," she whispered. I was not sure what she was
alluding to, yet before I could ask, she kissed me, and then it did not seem so important.
My head was aching. We were approaching the end of our game, which was good, as I could not handle
much more. Bella had been very considerate of me this evening. I had told her about my intolerance for
plastic, and she had covered the chairs completely with our coats, so there was only a small probability of
my skin making contact. Whenever we weren't playing or talking with the others, she would calm me with
her touch, and talk to me in a low voice. I liked that she was so able to give me what I needed.
I was going to win this game. It was obvious, since I was the only one playing correctly. My score was far
higher than the others, and had been since the start of the game. Rosalie was good as well, and was in
second place.
When we were younger, I had taught Alice how to play. Now I was showing Bella the best angles at which to
throw the ball. Their scores remained similar throughout the game.
Jasper-from-the-south and Emmett were competing for last place. I had pointed this out to them three
frames ago, and they did not seem to like it. However, as Emmett threw the ball for the last time, I was
proved correct. They ended with the same score, and both wound up in last place.
Alice, Rosalie and Bella burst into laughter as the scores appeared on the screen. I did not really understand
what they were laughing about, so I simply curled up against Bella and buried my head into her shoulder.

Although I would have preferred to spend my date night with just Bella, I did like spending time with
everyone. I had spent most of the evening talking with Bella, Alice and Rosalie, as Emmett and Jasper
seemed to only be talking to each other, with Emmett's voice rising in pitch occasionally.
"Are you happy now?" Rosalie asked, and I looked up to see her sitting next to Emmett. Emmett pointed at
Jasper, who had his arm around Alice. They looked nice together.
"His last throw was a fluke. That pin should not have gone down!"
"Ugh, you both got the same score, why does it matter?" Alice replied.
I agreed with her. A pin going down could not be a fluke. It either did or did not happen. In this case, the pin
had gone down, so there was no point in arguing about it.
"Are you asking for a rematch?" Jasper asked. Bella groaned and shook her head, while Alice smacked
Jasper on the arm.
"You're damn right I am," Emmett replied, turning and resetting the score board.
"Now why would you do that?" Rosalie cried, gesturing towards Jasper, who moved closer to Alice.
"Oh, no you don't," Alice replied, moving away from him.
I did not understand their reactions, and their loud voices caused my head to pound. I leaned into Bella, and
kissed her cheek.
"May we go for a walk now? I don't want to play again. My head hurts," I explained quietly.
"Of course, let's go," she replied. We stood up, and Bella picked up my coat and handed it to me so that I did
not need to touch the plastic.
I turned to Alice and Rosalie. "We are going for a walk while you play," I explained.
Alice sighed, and then nodded. "Have a good time. We'll be done in an hour," she said.
"Good luck with them," Bella said with a laugh, pointing to Jasper and Emmett, who seemed to be arguing
over what ball they were using.
"I envy you," Rosalie said, before she and Alice stood up and walked over to their partners. I jumped as I felt
an unfamiliar pressure on my hand. I looked down to see Bella's leather-gloved hand in mine. I liked the
feel of it, although not as much as I did her skin. The leather was cool and softly smooth and it crinkled like
skin. It was different, in a pleasant way.
"Ready?" she asked, and I nodded. We walked hand in hand out of the bowling alley and into the dark. The
change in temperature attacked my nerves again, so I stopped to put my scarf and hat on. Bella smiled at
me when I was done.
"I like you in that hat," she said, picking up my hand again, "It looks good." Her cheeks pinked at her words,
and I smiled, deciding to wear this hat more often. If Bella liked it, then I would never take it off.

We ended up sitting on a bench and sharing pizza. I normally only had pizza on Fridays, but my eating
schedule had been so disturbed lately that I needed to compensate for not having it last night. We ordered
one with chicken as a topping, which was what I normally ate on a Saturday. I felt calmer with the sense of
balance I had created.
"Are you having a good night?" Bella asked, turning towards me. She was eating her pizza with one hand, as
I refused to let go of the other. She didn't seem to have any issues with this.
"It's been enjoyable. I liked teaching you how to bowl well," I answered. Bella swallowed the last bite of her
pizza, and then came closer, so there was no space between us. She kissed my temple three times, my smile
growing with each kiss.
"How's your head?" she whispered.
"It needs another kiss," I replied. Bella giggled, but complied with my request.
"I think I need one now," she whispered once she had finished. I turned around, our faces almost touching
due to her closeness. I leaned in slowly, kissing her gently at first, and then added more pressure. She
sighed, the sound barely audible as she reached up and knotted her fingers in my hair. My breath caught as
she did, knowing what would happen if she pulled my hair.
I concentrated on the pleasant jolt I felt from each press of her cold lips and the prickling that spread all the
way through my body. Her mouth was warmer, a delightful contrast to her lips and the outside air. I lifted
my hand to her cheek, tracing patterns down from her eyes to her chin. My fingertips felt as if they were on
fire each time they started the pattern once more, and I couldn't stop touching her. I didn't want the feeling
to end.
Bella tugged on my hair gently, and I moaned in reply, pulling her closer. I knew, in the back of my mind, my
reactions to her were not suitable while in public, but I could not control myself when she tugged my hair.
The pain seemed to register throughout my body as pleasure, and I couldn't help but crave more. I was hot,
and my senses were heightened, but not in dangerous way. I could feel every movement of Bella's hands in
my hair, every touch of our lips, tongues and skin. I could feel it everywhere, hear every breath and gasp. It
wasn't too much. It was perfect, but perplexingly enough I wanted more.
We eventually slowed our kisses and touches, Bella's hands falling from my hair to wind around my neck.
Although I missed the intensity or our previous embrace, I liked the close nature of our more respectable
kisses. This was comforting, with my arms locked around her waist as we kissed slowly, in our own world
within our circle.
"We seem to not be able to control ourselves anymore," Bella whispered between kisses.
"I like it," I replied before kissing her again.
"I do too, although it would be best if we stopped acting like this in public," she murmured. I knew she was
right, as I had been thinking the same thing.
We settled back down in our previous positions, with Bella's head resting on my shoulder, and my arm
keeping her close. We talked about many things, including our night so far, and Bella's project. I felt bad
that we had not discussed it in a while, but Bella assured me it was fine. I promised her that during our
scheduled time together on Monday, I would help her.

Time was performing in its usual manner for when I was with Bella, so the hour passed quickly. We walked
back, hand in hand, to the bowling alley, meeting the others in the parking lot. I was sad because Bella
would be leaving soon, and I drew her closer to me as we approached.
"Bowling's not even a sport. It's not a man's game," Emmett said
"What did we miss?" Bella asked.
"Jasper and Emmett tied in last place. Again," Alice said.
"Considering they are the two worst players, that was what I assumed would happen," I said. Rosalie
laughed, and Alice put her hand over her mouth.
"Hey, Bro, give me a break. We can't all be good at everything," Emmett said.
"I'm not good at everything. I'm just good at bowling, running and cycling," I replied, listing the sports I
could perform well.
"You run?" Jasper asked, turning to me.
"Yes, everyday, although I have not been able to since I was ill. I will be going tomorrow though," I said.
Jasper smiled, "You're lucky you've got all that woodland space by your house. I have to go to the track
fields and I can only go three times a week," I couldn't help but smile over the fact that
Jasper-from-the-south and I had something in common. I had not been able to spend much time with him,
and I wanted to be his friend because he was dating Alice. It would be easier if we shared an interest.
"Well you're welcome to run with us. Why don't you come over early tomorrow? Show us what you've
got?" Emmett said.
"Emmett, seriously, give it up!" Alice yelled, and I jumped at her sudden exclamation.
"What, Alice? I'm just inviting your boyfriend to work out with us, nothing more," Emmett answered.
"It would be good if you did join us tomorrow," I said to Jasper.
Jasper smiled widely, as did Alice. "Sure Edward, I'd love to run with you," Jasper replied.
"Then I'm running too," Alice said. Emmett laughed loudly.
"Fine Alice, whatever makes you happy. Rose, Bella, you may as well come too," Emmett said.
I turned to Bella, hoping that she would say yes. That way, we could spend more time together.
"Do you want me to? I'm not very good at running," Bella said. I hugged her, rocking her backwards and
forwards.
"Yes, I would like to spend more time with you. I don't mind if you're not good at running. I just want you
there," I said. Bella pulled away enough to look at my face. She smiled, leaned up and kissed me.

"Then I'll come," she said.

I smiled, mentally calculating that we would now be spending approximately two more hours with each
other than originally planned. Bella was moving into more aspects of my routine, which was a good thing.
"Fine, if everyone's going, then I'll join. Should be an interesting afternoon," Rosalie announced.
Bella's arms tightened around me, and I drew my attention back to her.
"I should be going. It's getting late," she mumbled, though she did not move. I gently unclasped her hands
from mine. I missed our circle almost immediately.
"Then you should go. I will miss you, but I don't want to disrupt your schedule," I said.
Bella smiled, before leaning in and kissing me. I could feel the kiss everywhere, but not in at the same
intensity as before, because we did not allow it to go that far. "Good night, Edward. I'll see you tomorrow,"
she said. I gripped her hand, squeezing in once.
"Good night, my Bella. Sleep well, and I will see you tomorrow," I replied.
Bella called good night to the others, before walking towards her car. I kept hold of her hand until the last
possible moment, clinging on to the feeling of her fingers in mine for as long as I could. Once she reached
her car, she waved and climbed in. I watched her drive away, and the familiar ache I had identified as
loneliness, appeared.
"You alright, bro?"
I turned around to see Emmett standing behind me, Rosalie tucked into his side. Alice was standing a few
feet away, very close to Jasper. I was once again by myself. However, it helped to know that it would not be
this way for long. I looked down at my watch, then back up and smiled at Emmett.
"Yes, I'm fine. Only twenty hours and six minutes until I see Bella again," I said.
Emmett groaned. "Not this again," he said.

~*~

Chapter Notes:
Texture/Temperature: As we have seen before, people with AS often have difficulties with touch, which can
be extended to the feel of certain fabrics and materials, and a sudden change in temperature.
Hygiene: People with AS can be particularly affected by a need for cleanliness or have a complete aversion to
cleanliness. They can have no sense of personal hygiene, or be obsessive in their need to be clean.

~*~

Chapter Twenty-Three ~ Care

BPOV
I stared at the computer screen, frantically typing up my notes on the GF/CF diet. It was something that I
needed to discuss with Edward on Monday, during our time together. My research project was going well,
but I did need to spend more time on it. My relationship with him had taken priority over all else, and
although my studies had not suffered yet, I had to start being more productive.
I hastily finished off that section of my notes, before saving them and shutting down the computer. I had
about twenty minutes before I had to leave, and I needed to collect my stuff and grab a snack before I went.
I hurried down the stairs, half-dreading, half-anticipating the day. I was, as always, looking forward to
spending time with Edward and his family, but I couldn't help but feel apprehensive. To be invited to a
family dinner was a huge step forward. Dr. Cullen was acknowledging and accepting our relationship by
inviting me to this dinner. In his eyes, I was on equal footing with Rosalie and Jasper, and should be treated
in the same way. However, it did not escape my notice that Esme had been manipulated into agreeing to my
invite. I was still not welcome or accepted in her eyes, and I had no idea how to change that. I carried within
me the faint hope that if she saw how capable and happy Edward was in our relationship, she would start
to look at us in a more positive light, but I had my doubts. Esme seemed to be stubborn in her beliefs. I
wasn't sure if she would ever change her mind.
The pre-dinner run was also worrying me. I had never been particularly athletic, avoiding all non-essential
sports during my school years. I had used the gym to stay fit back in Arizona, but I was hardly an exercise
junkie. . I was not adept at running, nor did I have enough stamina to make it through without pausing.
Plus, I would be lucky if I actually made it through the ordeal without falling on my face and knocking out
my teeth. I had a habit of tripping over thin air, and here we'd be running through the woods. It's not
exactly a smooth surface.
I should have declined the offer, yet when Edward gazed at me, so imploring and excited about sharing
more of his day with me, I was powerless. It was almost embarrassing how much sway he had over me, but
I couldn't complain. I was learning that there was almost nothing I wouldn't do for him. I loved him deeply
and irrevocably. All I had to do was tell him.
"I need to talk to you about something important."
I paused, halfway through making a sandwich as I recalled Edward's words. He insisted that everything
was fine, and I knew that if it was something particularly urgent or worrying, he would have spoken to me
about it already, yet it still nagged at me. I hated waiting to find out what he wanted to discuss and he
clearly anticipated it would be a lengthy conversation
"Hey Bells."
I jumped.
"Hi dad," I replied, concentrating on finishing off my sandwich. Our relationship was still strained. I had
spent more time out of the house than in it, due to work, school and spending time with the Cullens. Charlie
and I barely had a real conversation since he'd made clear his feelings about Edward.
"In a hurry?" he asked, obviously noticing the way I was wolfing down my food. I swallowed heavily before
answering.
"I'm going to the Cullens for dinner, so I need to leave pretty soon. I won't be back too late though," I added.

I glanced up at my father as I chewed on the remnants of my make-shift meal. Charlie leaned against the
threshold of the door, an unreadable expression on his face. In that moment, he looked old, impossibly so.
He seemed almost vulnerable, caught in time and unreachable to me. It was not a pleasant thought. In the
blink of an eye, he straightened, the dependant, thoughtful man from a moment ago disappearing as if he'd
never been.
"So you're going to see Edward?" Charlie asked, narrowing his eyes slightly as he did. I groaned.
"No, I'm going to eat dinner with Edward and his family. Dr. Cullen invited me," I explained. Charlie seemed
to believe I was trying to be devious about seeing Edward, but I wasn't some teenager trying to sneak out of
the house to go see her boyfriend. I was a grown woman and could do whatever I pleased. I didn't need his
permission or acceptance.
An awkward silence passed between us, and I chewed the remainder of my sandwich far quicker than
necessary.
"Well... umm, I'll see you tonight dad. I really need to get ready," I said, moving past him and making my
way up the stairs, desperate to escape the atmosphere in the kitchen.
"Bells, hang on!"
I froze, turning slowly as Charlie made his way to the foot of the stairs.
"Bella, I just want you to be careful. I want you to be safe," he muttered, not meeting my eyes as he spoke. I
smiled to myself at his words, walking down two steps.
"Dad," I said, waiting until he lifted his eyes to my face, "Have you ever thought that I might know what I'm
doing?" I asked quietly.
Charlie looked back at me for a moment, and then smiled.
"Haven't you always? Don't stay out too late. That drive can be nasty in the dark," he said sternly, taking on
the role of both the concerned parent and the Chief of Police.
"I won't. I have work in the morning anyway," I said.
Charlie nodded, and I took this as my cue to continue up the stairs. I wasn't exactly sure what Charlie was
thinking, but I knew that during our short exchange, we had come to some sort of silent agreement. That's
how it was with Charlie. We didn't need a long drawn-out conversation to communicate. Just a few simple
words and looks, and we totally understood each other
"Have a good time."
I stopped, a smile spreading across my face as the sound of the television met my ears.
"Thanks dad!" I called, glad that we were okay again and he was becoming more accepting of my
relationship with Edward. It was good I hadn't backed down.
"So why are we sitting here?" I questioned, joining Alice and Rosalie on the front steps of the Cullen house.

They had been sitting there since I pulled up in the driveway, and had demanded that I change and then
join them. I changed and left my bag in Edward's room after spending almost ten minutes trying to find
somewhere to stow it that wouldn't upset his order, then went back to sit with them.
"We're waiting," Rosalie muttered, looking disgruntled as she flicked imaginary dirt from her tracksuit.
Alice rolled her eyes and turned to me.
"They went to warm up almost an hour ago. Some macho guy thing. I think Emmett's trying to kill Jasper.
Too bad it won't work. He's actually on the track team," she said.
"I can't believe you both got me dragged into this," Rosalie grumbled.
"We didn't drag you into this. You decided to come. You could still back out. No one's making you run," I
pointed out.
"Yeah, we all have our reasons for going on this run. Mine is so I won't be the unsupportive girlfriend. Alice,
you just wanna stop Emmett from trying to maim Jasper in the woods, and Bella, you're just a sucker for a
pair of pretty green eyes. If the two of you weren't so damn cute, I'd be tempted to call you pathetic,"
Rosalie said, grinning as I blushed.
"I'm not that bad," I muttered, knowing full well her words were true.
"It's okay. He's just as bad. Anyway, I'm counting on you to stick with me through this ordeal, since I can't
count on this one," Rosalie said, jerking her thumb at Alice.
"Am I missing something?" I replied, puzzled.
"Alice is a cross-country champion. She'll be running with the boys. I'm just praying I don't expire too far
away from civilization," Rosalie said with a shrug.
"This is going to be interesting," I said, beginning to regret my decision to join in this run.
Alice smiled encouragingly at me. "It's going to be fine. The route isn't that long, and all you have to do is
follow the path. It's almost impossible to get lost, and even if you do, one of us will come back for you. Don't
worry about it," she said.
Before I could say anything further, a shout from the other side of the house drew my attention. The three
of us looked around to see the guys coming towards us. I smiled and stood as Edward picked up his pace,
practically running towards me. I found myself very anxious to see him, like I always was. As soon as
Edward skidded to a halt before me, I threw my arms around his neck, hugging him close. He was slightly
sticky. His shirt clinging to him and the ends of his hair were damp with sweat.
"My Bella, although I would normally consider this the perfect greeting, I am sweating and I don't think that
hugging me is appropriate right now," Edward said, not drawing me closer as he would normally do.
"I don't care," I announced, discretely inhaling at his neck as I spoke. It was odd, but I felt strangely drawn
to him while he was so dishevelled and sweaty, so much so that I found it nearly impossible to let go of him.
I wouldn't have though it, but he actually smelled good, potent and male, but still with a hint of Edward. I
wanted to kiss him. Badly.

With a sigh, Edward looped his arms around my waist and pulled me to him, but it felt far more reluctant
than usual. Grudgingly, I released my hold on him, knowing he was uncomfortable.
"Hey there," I said, brushing his hair from his eyes. He smiled.
"Hello Bella, how are you?" he asked.
"I'm very good, Edward. Have you had a good day?" I replied.
"Yes, it has all gone according to plan. I am looking forward to running, because I haven't been able to for
the past few days."
I smiled, running my hands through his hair again. I couldn't stop touching him. There was something
about Edward in his fitted white shirt and running pants that had me itching to touch him. It didn't help
that my eyes constantly zoned in on his chest and arms, making it difficult to concentrate on anything else.
"Are you two done yet?" Emmett yelled, a look of fake annoyance crossing his features. I rolled my eyes at
him. "Okay, okay, we're done," I replied. I couldn't resist stealing a kiss before we left, so I turned back to
Edward, and leaned forward, pressing a kiss to his lips, while making sure my body did not touch his. In
reply, Edward smiled brilliantly, and I could do nothing but smile somewhat ridiculously in return.
Edward turned and made his way towards the others, and I fell into step with him. It was odd, not being
able to touch him, but I would have to wait.
"Alrighty, it's about time. So we're going to follow the trail that loops around the house. Rosie, Bella, I'm
assuming you'll need to stop on occasion and that's fine. Edward, Alice and I will most likely get ahead of
you, but if we get separated, just keep following the path and you'll be fine. We'll meet back at the house,"
Emmett explained, pointedly leaving Jasper out.
"Okay," I said, nodding and plastering a smile on my face. I was starting to get nervous about the prospect
of being left alone in the woods.
"Bella?"
I turned around to look at Edward.
"I will be staying with you for the run, so please disregard what Emmett said. I want to spend this time with
you, so we will run together. I don't mind waiting for you, even if you are running slowly," he said.
From behind me, Rosalie snorted, quite probably at the slight insult that was nestled amidst Edward's
sweet words. Despite this, I couldn't help but smile over the fact that he was prepared to wait and run with
me rather than stick to his own agenda.
"Thank you, Edward," I said, wishing I could throw my arms around him again. He smiled in return, which
didn't help my urge for physical contact.
"Okay kiddies, let's get moving!" Emmett ordered, as he turned and made his way towards the woods. I
sighed, the dread pooling in my stomach as I fell back into step with Edward. While I was glad to be
spending time with everyone, I knew how I was when it came to any kind of physical activity.

"Bella, you stopped two minutes and thirteen seconds ago. If you keep pausing, you won't be able to
maintain a steady pace and therefore won't reap the benefits of the physical activity."
I glared at Edward as I hyperventilated. This run was killing me. I had no idea where the hell we were or
how long we'd been running for, but it felt like an eternity. We had lost the others long ago, and while I
normally wouldn't mind being alone in the woods with my boyfriend, running with him was completely
different. Edward would not let me catch a break. He was entirely serious about this, and not taking into
account the fact that this was difficult for me. Even though he said he didn't mind waiting for me if I ran
slowly, I guess stopping completely was unacceptable. I probably should have warned him so he could have
run with Emmett.
"Edward..." I panted, straightening up, "You need to be a little more patient with me. I don't exercise like
this on a regular basis, and I'm not as fit as you are. Just let me catch my breath," I said, turning away and
staring up at the trees.
"I'm trying to help you," Edward replied.
I turned back to him. "I know, but you have to understand how hard this is for me," I said, pushing my damp
hair out of my face. Silence descended upon us for a moment, my ragged breathing embarrassingly evident.
"I'm sorry, my Bella. I really am only trying to help you improve," Edward said quietly. I turned and walked
towards him.
"It's alright, Edward. I think I'm ready to go again. I'll try and run for longer without stopping this time," I
said, smiling brightly at him to show there were no hard feelings. Edward smiled in return, and without
another word, we began our jog once more.
It didn't take long for the burn in my lungs to return. My legs no longer felt as if they were attached to my
body, and I was regretting only grabbing a sandwich for lunch. I felt weak. My limbs felt hollow and I knew I
would need sugar when we got back to the house. I almost groaned aloud when the ground began to slope
uphill. I glanced at Edward, jealously coursing through me as I watched him keep a steady pace without
even breaking a sweat. He looked powerful, his breathing completely even and composed, his arms and legs
moving in tandem as he ran. I couldn't keep my eyes away from him. Each and every movement he made
fascinated me. The way his hair slowly tumbled into his eyes, the way his lips moved as he paced his
breathing, the way his eyes would flicker constantly, never focusing on something for more than a few
seconds.
I was suddenly brought out of my reverie by my ankle lurching to the side. I shrieked as I toppled to the left,
my momentum aiding in my sideways fall. I automatically threw my arms out before me in defense. I hit the
ground, my palms and knee impacting hard, and I slid forward slightly as they did. I burst into tears. It
stung like hell. I was sure I had scraped the skin off my hands, and I was just so overwhelmed that I simply
lost control. The stress, and my exhaustion and frustration at myself, all came to a head as I pathetically lay
on the ground and sobbed.
"Bella! Bella, where does it hurt? Bella, please don't cry. Oh God, I don't know what to do when you cry... can
you sit up? Bella please say something, I don't know what to do... Bella, if you don't tell me what's wrong I
can't do anything. You have to help me. Bella, please, talk to me!"
I tried to reply, desperately wanting to inform him that I was fine, but I just couldn't do it. I was so drained
emotionally and physically, that I was unable to do anything. I became aware of a slight pressure around

my waist, and then suddenly, the world righted itself. I cried out as Edward lifted me slowly into a sitting
position, depositing me gently onto his lap. My legs sprawled out before me, and through blurred eyes I
noticed a tear on the right knee of my sweat pants. My arms were frozen and bent at the elbows, my hands
rigidly clawing at nothing. They were covered in a mesh of crimson and earth tones, and I closed my eyes
and leaned back into Edward.
"Shhh... Bella you need to tell me where you have injured yourself or I can't help you. I'm really scared and I
don't know what to do. I really hope that I was right in moving you. The probability of you having an injury
that would cause any damage to your spine is minimal, so you should be fine, but I really do need you to tell
me, Bella," Edward said, barely taking a breath as he spoke.
His sweet, but obviously panicked words broke through my haze, and I managed to choke out a reply.
"I'm okay, Edward... it's the shock... and I'm in pain..." I said. I couldn't seem to control my tears anymore,
and I once again dissolved into sobs. Edward turned me slightly so that I was now sideways, with my face
resting against his chest. He rocked me back and forth, trying to comfort me. We stayed that way for a few
moments, Edward whispering a string of numbers under his breath, and pressing the occasional kiss to my
temple. Although I wasn't able to cease the flow of tears, his voice and the rocking motion did soothe me
somewhat.
"We aren't far from the house, my Bella. It's just over this hill. I'll carry you back and then we must clean
and dress these wounds. I don't like seeing you hurt and upset and I certainly don't want your cuts to get
infected," he said.
"Okay," I hiccoughed, and with that sign of agreement, Edward lifted me up. My stiff arms finally managed
to move, and I loosely slung one around his neck, keeping a wide berth between him and my bloody hand.
It really wasn't far to the Cullen house. Edward kept a steady pace, despite the fact that he was lugging me
around. All too soon, a familiar voice reached my ears.
"Oh my God, Bella! Are you okay? Alice cried, running towards us, Edward, what happened?"
"She fell.. She doesn't appear to be badly hurt, but I want Dr. Cullen to have a look at her. Could you please
go and find him?" Edward said, not adjusting his stride as he spoke.
"Of course," Alice replied, before running off towards the house.
"Nearly there, my Bella. It's going to be alright," Edward murmured to me as he carried me up the steps and
into the house, where Alice had left the door open for us. Carlisle was there almost immediately, worry
clouding his features.
"Edward, would you take Bella into your room please?"
Edward didn't say anything; he simply complied, heading straight up the stairs. I was beginning to feel a
little ridiculous. The shock of what had happened was wearing off, and I wished that Edward would put me
down. There was no reason why I couldn't walk, even though the events leading up until this point had
been to the contrary. I found my face heating up as Edward carefully managed to open the door to his room.
He carried me to the bed, placing me down gently so I was sitting on the edge.
"My Bella, I need to go wash my hands. There is far too much dirt and grime on them, and I don't want to

risk infecting you. I will be back in a moment, I promise," he said, gazing at me.
I smiled sadly, "Okay," I whispered, my voice teary.
"Please, smile more, my Bella. Your smile was high on my list of specifications for wanting you to be my
girlfriend. You're beautiful when you smile," he said.
I stared, open-mouthed as Edward stood and made his way to the bathroom. He called me beautiful.
Edward was not one to use words lightly or without meaning them. He also didn't usually focus on the
aesthetic, and had never commented on my looks before. It felt good, not because I craved compliments,
but because it was reassuring to know that he noticed the physical aspects of me, like any other boy would.
I couldn't count the number of times I had stared at him unabashedly, admiring his appearance. While it
was obviously not the same for Edward, I found it comforting that in his own way, he felt something when
he looked at me.
"Bella, what happened?"
I looked up as Dr. Cullen walked into the room, bringing with him the all-too-familiar first-aid kit.
I sighed. "My ankle gave way and I fell, that's all. I think the shock just startled me and I couldn't stop
crying. I'm sorry for all the hassle. It's just a few scrapes," I said, feeling guilty that I had made all this fuss
over such a small injury.
"This sort of thing happens a lot, Bella. It's nothing to apologize for. I'm just glad you're not seriously hurt.
Now, let's take a look at your hands," he said.
I obediently offered my palms to him. Dr. Cullen peered at them closely for a moment before opening up the
medical kit.
"These are pretty nasty scrapes, Bella. Let's get you cleaned up. I'm afraid this will sting," he said, as he
began cleaning the grime from my hands and I tried not to squirm.
It stung, almost as much it had initially, but it was overly fairly quickly. I winced as I saw the marks that
covered almost half my hands, realizing this was going to make both work and school difficult for the next
few days. Just as Carlisle was about to start dressing my hands, Edward returned.
"My Bella, how are your hands?" he asked, immediately coming to inspect the damage himself.
"They're okay. It's just a few scrapes," I said. Edward continued to stare at my hands, as if the gashes were
somehow entrancing him.
"They look sore," he muttered, more to himself than to anyone else.
"Edward, do you think you can bandage Bella's hands for her? I think your mother could use some help in
the kitchen," Carlisle asked quietly.
"Yes, of course Dr. Cullen," Edward replied, straightening up.
"Good. Have a look at her knee as well. Bella may need a band aid. I'll see you in a few minutes," he said,
standing and walking towards the door.

"Dr. Cullen, could you please not close the door? I may need to carry my Bella down the stairs, and that will
make it easier," Edward said.
Dr. Cullen seemed to be as surprised as I was that Edward actually wanted his door open. Of course he
complied, and then left, his footsteps echoing in the otherwise silent corridor.
Edward bent down next to me, staring silently at my leg for a moment. After confirming that I had simply
torn my pants and not my skin, he stood up and returned to sit beside me.
"How badly do your hands hurt?" Edward murmured, gently cupping the back of my hands with his palms.
"Not too much. They just sting a little," I replied, my tone of voice matching his. Edward slowly took his
hands away and grabbed the first aid kit. He pulled out bandages and antiseptic cream.
"I don't like you hurting. You were so upset and you were crying so much. You wouldn't talk to me so I
didn't know how to help you and I was so afraid that whatever I did would wind up hurting you even
more," he said.
I closed my eyes against the rush of guilt I felt from Edward words. Silently, I turned my head, and moved to
rest my forehead against his temple. Edward continued working on my hands, focused solely on the task at
hand. The cream tingled as he massaged it into my broken flesh, his touch so light I could barely feel it. I
kissed his temple softly.
"I'm so sorry," I whispered, my voice almost breaking, "It I was tired, in pain, and frustrated. It just hit me
all at once, and I couldn't do anything but cry. I wanted to talk to you, but I couldn't. It all became too
much."
Edward didn't say anything, but simply continued to massage the cream into my left hand. I watched with
my head still connected to his as he began to wind a bandage around my hand.
"I understand. I think I do, anyway. It must be similar to experiencing sensory overload. However, as your
boyfriend, it is my duty to know how to take care of you and help you. I have failed in my duty," he said.
"No!" I cried, tearing my hands away from his careful grip. Edward looked up sharply, somewhat startled by
my abrupt actions.
"You haven't failed me at all Edward! You brought me back to the house and immediately had my injuries
taken care of. There was nothing else you could have done in the situation! You were perfect," I insisted.
"I'm not perfect, Bella, no one is," Edward replied. I sighed and moved back to him. Edward immediately
took my hands up once more, and began bandaging my right hand.
"You took care of me, and I couldn't ask for anything more," I said. Edward was silent for a moment, while
he fixed my bandage securely. I kissed his head again, and he slowly caressed my bandaged hand.
"I will always take care of you, my Bella. I can't stand seeing you hurt," he said. I smiled, feeling the tension
evaporate from around us. Edward suddenly picked up my hands, and kissed the bandages on both of them.
Then he looked up at me.

"There, now I've kissed them better. They shouldn't hurt as much," he said, smiling.
It was possibly the sweetest thing I had ever heard in my entire life. I smiled widely, unable to stop. Before I
could say anything, the sound of a throat being cleared caught our attention.
"Dinner's almost ready," Esme said evenly from where she stood at the door. Her expression was blank,
completely devoid of any expression as she stared at Edward and me for a few seconds. Then, without a
word, she left.
"Bella, are you feeling better now?"
I almost dropped my fork as Esme addressed me. We had only just sat down to eat, everyone muttering
generic comments about how delicious the meal looked, before the awkward tension seeped in. I hadn't
even had time to take a single bite when Esme had addressed me.
"Yes, thank you. It was just a few scrapes," I said, glancing at Edward who was sitting beside me.
Esme stared at me silently for a moment, her face still impassive.
"That's good to hear," she murmured, staring down at her plate. I blinked, catching Alice's eye from across
the table. She shrugged as she met my gaze, sharing my confusion. I couldn't get a read on Esme. She always
hid behind her mask. Carlisle was peering at her, a concerned expression crossing his features. Then he
seemed to snap out of it. He looked up and turned to Jasper.
"So, Jasper, how long have you and Alice been together?" he asked pleasantly.
Simultaneously, Emmett and Rosalie choked on their food. Rosalie recovered quickly, while Emmett made
more of a scene. Alice froze, panic clear on her face at her father's not-so-innocent question.
"Four months, Sir," Jasper replied, looking completely composed. I suppressed a smile at the relief that
washed over Alice's face. Carlisle smiled at the news, and proceeded to ask further questions about his
family and studies.
"My Bella, are you having trouble?" Edward whispered.
I grimaced, staring at the meat that I'd been attempting to cut for the past few minutes. Gripping the
silverware tightly was quite painful due to my fresh wounds, so it was proving difficult.
"It's hard to grip my knife and fork. It kinda hurts, but I'll succeed eventually," I said with a grin.
Edward frowned. "I won't let you hurt yourself. Here, I'll help you," he said. Before I could protest, Edward
quickly swapped our plates, and began deftly cutting up the meat into manageable pieces.
"There you are, my Bella," he said proudly, switching our plates once more. I smiled, shaking my head.
"Thank you," I said, looking back at him with a smile. It was only then that I realized that everyone else at
the table was staring at us. I blushed, wishing that they hadn't seen the exchange between Edward and me.
"That was very considerate of you, Edward," Esme said, picking up her knife and fork and finally beginning
to eat.

"Always the gentleman," Rosalie said, winking at me as she spoke. I laughed as she glared comically across
the table at Emmett. He began to protest, but Alice jumped in with a tale of his normal crude behavior.
"I'm only helping my girlfriend, as I should do," Edward said without removing his eyes from his dinner.
"Yes... as you should do," Esme replied, so quietly that I was not entirely sure I'd heard it. Carlisle frowned,
then reached across the table and clutched her hand. She looked up, smiling at him, obviously caught in his
gaze.. I finally turned away and drew my attention back to my friends, immediately realizing that Edward
was mid way through recounting the events of our run.
"So you picked her up and carried her back?" Jasper asked.
"Yes, it seemed like the most appropriate action. Dr. Cullen was home, and I knew the house was the best
place to take her, since we were so close and I didn't know the full extent of Bella's injuries," Edward
explained.
"Very wise," Jasper replied.
"And sweet, carrying Bella all the way home," Alice chimed in.
I smiled to myself. Wise and sweet. Definitely the perfect words to describe my Edward.
"So... that went well," Jasper remarked as the six of us sat in the living room. I sighed, leaning back into
Edward's chest as he ran his fingers through my hair. He had insisted that I sit on his lap in the chair, and I
was more than happy to. I was full and content in his arms, wishing that I didn't have to drive home in a
short while.
"Mom and dad were pretty tame tonight. You got off easy," Alice said, slapping Jasper's leg lightly.
"Yeah, you really did man," Emmett said, his attention half focused on the television. I raised my eyebrows
at his somewhat friendly reply and turned to Rosalie. She just shook her head.
"Running apparently caused some sort of bond between them," she muttered, and I couldn't help but laugh.
Jasper was a lovely guy, and obviously cared deeply for Alice. Emmett may have been playing the protective
elder brother, but it was only a matter of time before he realized this. I was glad that Emmett was not one
to hold a grudge.
"Will you be okay to drive home, Bella?" Alice asked suddenly.
"Yes, I'll be fine, don't worry," I replied, snuggling closer to Edward at the mention of my leaving. He slipped
an arm round my waist in reply, and leaned in toward my ear.
"We didn't have a chance to talk today, my Bella. It is still important that I speak to you, so do you think we
can talk after you're finished with work tomorrow?" he asked.
I twisted around slightly, winding my arms around Edward's neck and pulling him close. I had completely
forgotten about our discussion.
"Of course, I'm sorry that we didn't get around to it today. It will be the first thing we talk about tomorrow,"

I insisted. Edward smiled and kissed me softly.

"It's fine. Taking care of you is far more important," Edward replied. I smiled, leaning in and kissing him
once more, before settling back into my previous position. Edward resumed his stroking of my hair, much
in the same manner I often did to him. It was a sweet gesture, and I was comforted by the touch. I smiled to
myself as I relaxed into Edward, allowing myself to simply enjoy the moment.

~*~

Chapter Note:
GC/GF diet: Gluten free/casein free diet. Although it has not gained wide spread acceptance in the medical
community, studies have shown that it has helped some suffers of ASD with their behaviour and speech issues. I
will go into more specific detail when this is discussed in the future.

~*~

Chapter Twenty-Four ~ Going Slowly

BPOV
"So apart from falling down and slicing your hands open, how did the weekend go?" Angela asked as we sat
in the staff room, folders and notes on our laps. We were supposed to be looking over each other's
preliminary ideas for the research project, except after about ten minutes, the conversation had swiftly
digressed.
"Yes, it was really great in the end. I was expecting some sort of confrontation with Esme, but nothing
happened," I said, and then frowned.
Angela raised an eyebrow at me. "Isn't that a good thing? Why do you look so upset?" she asked.
"Well, it seems she might be getting passive-aggressive. She made a snide comment during dinner, but
Carlisle seemed to quiet her down. I think she's only making an effort because of Carlisle. Her invitation to
dinner in the first place seemed to be forced upon her by him, "I explained.
"Well, at least she's still letting you see Edward and she's not openly hostile towards you. Maybe she'll
come around," Angela said, sending me an apologetic glance.
I sighed, nodding my head. I knew there was no chance that Esme would suddenly approve of me after
seeing me interact with her son for less than an hour. I would simply have to take Angela's advice and enjoy
whatever freedom I was given for the time being.
"Ugh, are you studying during your lunch hour?" I looked up and smiled at Alice as she threw herself into
the seat next to me.
"Just looking over ideas for the project, or at least that was the plan anyway," I laughed. Alice grimaced at
the mention of the project.
"I really need to do some serious work on this. I'm starting to panic," she said.

"Me too. I have some basic notes but nothing concrete to work with," Angela said, gesturing at a pile of
handwritten pages next to her.
"Why don't we meet up this weekend and try and work on this together?" I suggested. Both Angela and
Alice nodded.
"Good idea Bella. I'm busy on Friday night, but other than that I'm free," Angela said.
"I'm out with Jasper on Saturday night... and I'm guessing you'll be with Edward, right Bella?" Alice asked. I
nodded in confirmation. Suddenly, her eyes lit up.
"Oh, I just remembered, my parents are going out of town this weekend, so we can use the library at my
house to study. Plus we'll have my mom's books, so we might find something helpful there," she announced.
Before either Angela or I could say anything else, Alice turned to me. "Bella, you could stay for the weekend.
I mean, you'll see Edward right after work on Friday, right?"
"Umm... yes?" I said hesitantly. I was slightly shocked by her statement.
"Well, then you could stay over Friday night so that it's easier for you to get to work on Saturday. Then
you'll go out with Edward in the evening, stay the night and study with us on Sunday!" she exhaled, her
sentence barely registering in my mind as she spoke without a breath.
"That would be... convenient," Angela replied with a smirk. I rolled my eyes at her obvious innuendo before
turning to Alice.
"I don't know, Alice. It would be rather convenient," I said, using Angela's words facetiously, "but I don't
think your parents would approve of that," I added.
The prospect of spending the weekend at the Cullens' house excited me more than I let on. I would be able
to see Edward for longer than ever before, maybe even stay with him at night... I shook my head, dispelling
that though instantly. Now was not the time to let my mind wander in that direction.
"Mom won't even know," Alice replied. "They're leaving on Thursday and won't be back until Monday
afternoon. I'm having Jasper over for the weekend as well," she added.
"Alice, you know I need to tread carefully with this. I don't want to do anything underhanded that would
cause them to disapprove of my and Edward's relationship," I replied, trying to make her see the position
she'd put us all in, should they find out. Alice pouted and slumped back in her chair.
"If I ask them if you can stay over, will that make you feel better?" she asked, glaring at me.
I grinned. "If they say yes, nothing will stop me from being there," I answered, figuring there was no way in
hell they'd allow it.
"My hands are so useless," I moaned, as Angela and I finished cleaning up.
She laughed. "Well maybe you'll think twice before you go running again," she said with mock solemnity. I
rolled my eyes in reply, not bothering to answer. Before Angela could say anything .further, there was a
knock at the classroom door. I looked questioningly at Angela. Nobody ever knocked. The teachers usually

just walked right in.

"Come in," Angela called.
The door opened, and I smiled wide as Edward walked through the door.
"Hello Bella, I hope I am not disturbing you. I was early and decided to meet you here. I hope that is alright,"
he said, closing the door behind him and standing by the back wall. I stood up and walked towards him,
immediately pulling him close and kissing him.
"It's more than alright. Thank you for coming here," I said.
Behind me, Angela cleared her throat and I spun around.
"Hi, Edward," she said, raising a hand in greeting.
"Hello Angela, I haven't seen you in a long time. I hope you're well," he responded politely, as he wrapped
an arm around my waist.
"I'm good Edward, and you?" she replied.
"I am very well, thank you,"
"Great. Okay, Bella, I can finish up in here, so why don't you guys head off," Angela suggested.
"Are you sure?" I felt bad leaving her to clean up alone.
"It's fine. There isn't much to do anyway. I'll see you in class tomorrow." She waved me off while staring at
me sternly, making sure I got the point.
"Okay. I'll see you tomorrow," I responded, turning and gently grasping Edward's fingers, mindful of my
injured hand.
"Goodbye Angela," he said politely, before following behind me.
"See ya, Edward!" she called in reply. After the door closed, Edward immediately spun me around, pulling
my hand up to his lips. My face heated slightly as he turned my hands so my palms were facing up, placing
delicate kisses on the bandages.
"How are you feeling my Bella? Are your hands still hurting?" he asked, bringing my hands down and
linking our fingers together.
"They're fine. Just a little sore when I put too much pressure on them," I explained, shrugging
"That is due to how fresh the wound is, my Bella. If you'd like, I will change the bandages and have a look at
the scrapes when we get to my house. I like being able to take care of you," he said, squeezing my fingers as
he spoke.
"We're going to your house?" I questioned. I had assumed we would stay at the school, as that was what we
usually did.

"Well, I thought that it would be the optimum place for you to study. We have the library at our disposal. If
the library is unavailable, then my room has a desk so that will work just as well. It is far more practical
than the music room," Edward reasoned.
I smiled, drawing my fingers from his in order to hug him. Edward automatically embraced me in return,
and I sighed contentedly into his chest. I could hear his heart beating, a constant rhythm in my ear and in
that small moment, I felt completely connected with him.
"So Esme tried the GF/CF diet when you were little?" I asked Edward. I was situated at his desk while he
was facing me on his bed. Despite my persistence that we talk first about the issue we hadn't been able to
discuss earlier, Edward declared that studying was far more important.
Edward nodded. "Yes, when I was eight," he answered.
"How long did you follow it?"
Edward paused, his eyes staring above my head as he thought. "I'm not sure; I will ask Esme for you. I don't
want to give you a time frame that is not accurate," he explained.
I nodded, and then consulted my research before I asked the next question. Edward sat on his bed, waiting
patiently for me to continue.
"Was it difficult for you to adjust to the change in diet?" I asked.
"Yes. I can recall the foods and meals I liked, and Esme will still make them if I ask. However, because I
judge my foods by appearance and texture, I tend to not be too adventurous with my meals. Once I find
something I like, I stick to it. By the time Esme had started the diet, I was already set in my likes and
dislikes and did not appreciate the change. The diet did not seem to be relieving any of the symptoms, so it
was not really worth it for me to continue with it," Edward explained.
I nodded and asked, "What foods did you find difficult to give up?"
"Milk. I really like milk." I didn't enjoy any of the milk alternatives, even though Esme tried oat, soy and
even coconut dairy-free milk."
"Okay... that makes sense. The diet is really difficult to maintain, I don't think I would be able to do it," I
commented.
"There is no reason for you to have to diet, my Bella, so you do not have to worry about it," Edward said,
offering me a heart-stopping smile. I smiled back.
He added, "I did enjoy the mint chocolate cookies. They're my favorite. She still makes them on my birthday
each year." Edward smiled as he mentioned the cookies, even though his voice remained monotone. I
quickly stored away the knowledge of Edward's favorite dessert for future reference.
"Thank you, Edward, that was really helpful," I told him.
"You're welcome Bella. I am glad that I was able to help you," he replied.

I finished with my notes and then looked up. "Did you want to talk now?" I asked.
"If you have finished asking your questions, then that is what is next in our schedule."
"I'm done," I replied with a smile, causing Edward to smile back.
"Please come here," Edward requested, stretching his arms out to me in the most adorable way. I placed my
notebook down and made my way over to the bed and into Edward's waiting arms, lying down with my
feet almost dangling off the edge of the bed. I breathed in his scent but resisted the urge to reach up and
kiss him. Edward needed to talk, and I wouldn't let myself be distracted.
I pulled away from Edward, turning so that I was facing him. I ran my fingers through his hair, watching as
he closed his eyes in contentment.
"Go ahead," I said in encouragement.
Edward opened his eyes, focusing them just to the right of me and then spoke.
"When should we start having sexual intercourse?" he blurted out.
My breath caught in my throat and my heart started beating rapidly. Of all the things I had expected
Edward to say, this never even crossed my mind. It took a moment for the words to register, and as they
did, heat rose in my face.
When I didn't reply to Edward's question he took it as a sign to keep speaking.
"The other day Emmett and I were talking, and he brought up the issue of sex. In the past, I'd only thought
about it on a biological level, but after we spoke, I realized he was right. The act solidifies a relationship and
symbolizes the sharing and trust between two people. So after much observation and research, I've come to
the conclusion that we should be having sex at this time. I wanted to speak with you and discuss it, so we
could plan when and where it will take place."
My mind was in complete disarray as Edward finished his speech, waiting for me to reply. In the back of my
mind I knew that this was something we definitely needed to discuss properly, especially now that Edward
had formed such strong opinions. Unfortunately, my mind seemed to have lost the ability to function.
I finally stuttered out a reply, "Y...you want to have sex?" I questioned, nervously
"Yes. Don't you?" Edward replied.
"Wha..y...NO!" I spluttered, my internal filter still disconnected. I felt pathetic, that my inexperience could
make me seem prudish or strange. I knew on some level that to Edward, none of that would matter.
However, at this point in time, that rational voice in my head was not working. I couldn't slow my thoughts
down and look at the situation with a clear mind. The only thing I could do in this moment was react.
Edward was silent, and I winced as I regretted my insensitive response. Suddenly, Edward sat up and I
followed suit, wanting to be close to him, to make him understand what I was trying to say.
"You... don't want me?" Edward asked, hugging his knees close to him, rocking back and forth on the bed. I
closed my eyes for a moment, willing the pain that I felt for causing him to feel so rejected to go away.

Slowly, I edged forward, wrapping my arms around him from behind. He stiffened, and I started rocking us
back and forth, trying to bring him comfort.
He began to relax, so I continued, "Of course I want you, Edward. There's no question about that. It's just...
sex is a big step forward in a relationship. I wasn't expecting you to say that, and I was... scared. I just
reacted to what you said rather than thinking everything through and having an appropriate response. I'm
so sorry, Edward. I never meant to make you feel as if I was rejecting you, because that isn't the case at all.
You just surprised me," I explained, trying to soothe him as best I could.
After a few more minutes of rocking, Edward slowly eased forward from my hold and turned to face me. I
slid back off my heels, sitting cross-legged before him.
"Why are you scared?" Edward asked.
I closed my eyes, not really wanting to look at him when I spoke. Then I pushed my embarrassment aside,
knowing that I needed to speak to him about this.
"I've never... I've never done anything like that before. You're the first boyfriend I've ever had and I'm just...
worried. I'm worried that I won't be good enough for you. That I'll do something wrong," I confessed,
keeping my head down as I spoke.
A moment passed, and then Edward reached out, his hand and cupped my check. I slowly raised my head to
look at him.
"My Bella, I've never had a relationship before either. I'd never kissed anyone before you, but I've learned
how to, with you. I have learned many things from you. You shouldn't be scared about sex because you have
never done it before, as you won't know until you have tried it whether or not it is something to be afraid
of. I also doubt that it is something to be afraid of, since Emmett alluded to the fact that it feels 'damn
good,''" Edward added.
I couldn't help but laugh at the sound of such colloquial language coming from Edward's mouth. I crawled
forward, slowly, putting my arms around Edward's neck and pulling him close. Edward automatically
shifted so that I was sitting on his lap, my head resting on his shoulder.
"I trust you, my Bella. I care for you, and I enjoy being your boyfriend, and want to do what is best for you. I
wanted to show you how I care, and how much this relationship means to me. I too am scared that I will not
be as proficient in sexual intercourse, and let you down. However, I do not want that to stop me from
sharing an important experience with you," Edward explained.
"I just don't think I'm ready for that yet. Not to go that far, at least," I said shyly.
"If you're not ready, then we don't have to have sex, my Bella," Edward said, "I don't want you to feel
uncomfortable or unhappy. I just assumed that our not having it yet was a failure on my part."
I sighed, moving reluctantly from my position in order to face him.
"Edward, there's no right time to have intercourse. I think it's best we take things slowly. I don't want to
rush into anything and ruin what we have by doing something that we may regret later. You've done
nothing wrong at all, Edward, and I'm glad you wanted to talk to me about this.

Edward was silent for a moment, contemplating all that I had said before giving an answer. "Yes, my Bella I
think you are right. Going slowly would probably be best, especially in terms of our physical relationship. It
was difficult at first for me to kiss you, so I believe that sexual intercourse will be equally as difficult,"
Edward said.
I blushed at the explicit thoughts that wandered through my mind, and then I felt somewhat immature for
my embarrassment. I knew that it was strange to be so inexperienced and awkward when discussing sex at
my age, however, I needed to let this go for the sake of our growing relationship. Everything about him
made me feel at ease, and despite my initial mortification, I found it far easier to talk about sex than I
anticipated.
"Well, there are other things we can do first... to get us both used to the idea," I said quietly.
"Such as?" Edward asked, moving to look directly at me.
I paused, saying nothing, my mind frozen as I simply stared back at Edward. Slowly, as if pulled by an
unseen force, I sat up, leaned in, and kissed him. In that moment, I didn't want to talk. I didn't want to
explain everything through words. What I needed, and what I felt was right in that moment was to feel. I
wanted to touch, to experience, and to learn. I wasn't worried about going too far, or doing something
regrettable any longer. This wasn't about rounding bases or deliberately aiming to get to a certain place in
our physical relationship. This was simply about being close, being able to kiss and touch one another and
being comfortable with what we were doing.
Edward's words had triggered something within me Now that we had cleared the air somewhat and knew
where we stood concerning our physical relationship.
The kiss was different from any of our previous kisses. It felt deeper, although there was no urgency or
frantic motions accompanying it. It was slow, almost torturously so, and yet it was precisely what was
needed for us. Edward instinctively seemed to know how to respond to my advances, allowing me to take
the lead and set the pace. He slowly traced from my temple to my jaw line with the back of his finger,
causing me to sigh in response. Each movement, each touch of skin, of lips and of tongues was absorbed
and controlled by us.
Edward finally broke away from me, our lips touching minutely as we stayed still for a moment, so close
and yet too far away. My senses seemed to be attuned with Edward's. I could feel every inch of him
touching me, my skin igniting as he exhaled. A thought flashed through my mind in that instant, one that I
almost dismissed, yet my courage still seemed to be with me, so I leaned and kissed him. He responded
instantly, and I found my resolve solidifying. I broke our kiss slowly, and pulled away.
"Lie back," I said quietly.
Edward blinked, staying still for a moment and I wondered if maybe I had gone too far with my request.
Then, he slid back onto the bed, sprawling out onto the pillows. I stayed where I was for a moment, caught
up in the sight before me. Edward looked so relaxed, one hand moving up next to his temple as he gazed
past me.
"My Bella, what are we doing?" he asked.
I smiled and crawled down so that I was hovering over him. I didn't let my body press against him too hard.
I didn't want our position to become something that neither of us was comfortable with yet. I moved my

body so that my legs were to the right side of him, while I leaned over his chest. I dropped down slowly and
kissed him once, as his hand moved into my hair and mine traced his cheek absently.
"Just... trying something new, and seeing what we're comfortable with. I don't want to go too far Edward, I
just want to move forward a little," I said, knowing that my words probably made no sense, but to my
surprise, Edward nodded.
"Going slowly," Edward said, his hand combing through my hair.
"Slowly," I repeated, "So if you want to stop or the sensations become too much, just tell me."
"I will," he responded softly. I resumed my position, keeping my lower body off of him, but allowing our
chests to touch as we resumed our kisses.
Although they began as slow and tentative as before, they soon moved into something more urgent and
intense. My hands were drawn, as always, to his hair, and I reveled in the sounds he made, depending on
the amount of pressure I applied.
My skin was hot and responsive, embarrassingly obvious sounds slipping from my mouth as Edward's
hands toyed with the sensitive skin around my ears and the base of my neck. In order to prevent our kisses
from becoming overly frantic, I pulled away from his mouth in an attempt to calm myself. Still, I hated
distancing myself from Edward for too long, so I began trailing kissed tentatively from the base of his ear
towards his neck.
"Bella!" he gasped, his whole body rising up in response. I stopped immediately, pulling myself away from
his skin.
"Too much?" I murmured, sitting up and brushing his hair from his eyes.
"No... I enjoyed it... very much, it was just unexpected," he explained softly. I grinned at the fact that he had
enjoyed my actions as much as I had performing them.
"I'm too hot," Edward said, closing his eyes for a moment. Then, he reached down and unbuttoned the first
too buttons of his shirt. My mouth went dry, and I simply stared at the slither of newly exposed skin. It was
barely more than a couple of inches, yet I couldn't take my eyes off of him.
Slowly, I reached out a hand and brushed my fingertips against his chest. A sharp intake of breath was my
only response. I tore my eyes away from my hands and looked up at Edward. His eyes were shut and he
seemed to be holding his breath. I leaned forward and softly kissed his lips. His eyes flew open and I smiled
at him.
"Relax," I whispered, "If you want me to stop, just say so."
Edward swallowed and shook his head. "I don't want you to stop. I want you to keep going," he admitted,
his cheeks darkening with his words.
I couldn't stop myself from smiling, and in response, I bent down and kissed him fiercely. He responded
automatically, his kiss matching my own, but I didn't allow it to continue for long. I soon moved away from
his lips and back down to his neck. I wasn't exactly sure what I was doing, so I just kissed my way down,
varying the pressure and judging by the noises Edward made as to how well they were being received.

Edward reached out his hand, trying to touch me in some way as I touched the small part of his chest that
was exposed and kissed it softly once, before raising myself up. I reached out my hand and entwined our
fingers. With the other hand, I tentatively played with the next button on his shirt, and then hesitated,
suddenly feeling doubtful about my actions. I wasn't sure if I should do this, or if Edward even wanted me
to.
"Bella?" I raised my eyes and Edward quickly sat up so we were facing each other.
"Do you want me to... should I?" I trailed off, my hands still clutching at his shirt. Edward didn't reply for a
moment, and then, without warning, he lowered his head and kissed me. It was softer than before, the
urgency having faded with the moment.
I melted into him, my hands clutching his shirt harder, drawing him closer. I was startled as I felt Edward's
hands creep around my back, his fingers playing with the hem of my shirt. He didn't make any attempt to
remove it, but simply moved his hands lightly across my clothed skin, sending shockwaves through me. I
took that as a sign, and slowly began undoing the buttons on Edward's shirt. Our kiss continued
throughout, still tentative and exploring and Edward's hands did not move from their position on my back.
With the last button of Edward's shirt undone, I trailed my hands up his chest slowly, before snaking my
arms around his neck to hold him against me. Edward obliged, drawing me into him, his hands still
caressing my back. After a few moments, I hesitantly moved my hands to his shoulders.
Edward gasped into our kiss as I let my hands move over his broad shoulders and down his back. I simply
allowed my hands to move, to test and to caress, always wary of Edward's response. Hesitantly, I brought
my hands around from behind his back to his stomach. Our kisses halted for a moment, our breathing
heavy, as my fingers hovered over his skin. I waited for any indication that I should stop.
It never came.
Ever so slowly and gently, I placed my hands on the bare skin of his chest. He let out a light moan, and my
breath caught in my throat at the sound. I ached to hear more, to cause that reaction from him over and
over. His sounds spurred me on, allowing me to know that, without a doubt, I was doing everything right. A
moan escaped my own lips, muffled by Edward's closeness as my fingers trailed up the soft skin of his chest
to his shoulders and underneath the cotton of his shirt. Slowly, I ran my hands down his arms, pulling the
shirt down as I went.
Edward pressed his lips softly against mine, resuming our kiss as he shrugged off the sleeves, and then they
were back to their original position on my lower back. Our kiss intensified as my hands took on a life of
their own, thriving in their exploration of Edward's spine and back. I traced patterns across his flesh, my
touch spanning from his spine to his sides, going lower as I memorized each and every muscle and patch of
skin. Edward's own hands slipped under my shirt and I gasped at the unfamiliar temperature. I kissed him
hard, his moan in reply only spurring me on. His hands tentatively moved back and forth along the skin,
testing my reactions. My body ached for him to touch me further.
My skin burned as his touch became more confident, his fingers tracing my spine in the same way I had
done to him.
More. I need more.

I raised an arm, cupping his cheek for a moment, as my thumb rubbed against his skin. Slowly, I lowered my
hand, tracing his neck, before continuing downwards.
Suddenly, a loud knock resounded throughout the room. "Bella, Edward I need to talk to you!" Alice
exclaimed. I flew away from Edward so fast that I fell backwards onto the mattress.
"Please wait a moment, Alice," Edward called. I closed my eyes, taking deep breaths in an attempt to calm
myself. My heart was pounding in my ears, my body feeling overheated and energized.
"Bella? Is everything alright?" I looked up to see Edward peering down at me, his shirt back on. I frowned,
feeling suddenly annoyed that I hadn't taken the opportunity to look at him when I had the chance. I
blushed at my thoughts, causing Edward to reach out and caress my cheek. I smiled, placing my hand over
his to hold it there.
"Everything's fine. More than fine, actually. I wish that Alice hadn't interrupted," I said, my face heating
further at my admittance. Edward smiled, and then leaned down to kiss me.
"Me too," he stated and before I could truly absorb his words, he was off the bed and opening his door. I sat
up quickly, running my fingers through my hair and wincing at the tangles I felt there.
"Hey, Bella, Edward," Alice said cheerfully as she bounded into the room, stopping only a few paces short of
the doorway.
"Hello Alice, what can we do for you?" Edward asked, rising from his position on the bed and moving
towards her
"Well, it's about this weekend. I spoke to my dad about it, and he wants to see Bella before she leaves. I
thought I'd come and let you know, since it's almost five now."
"It is?" I cried, jumping up and running past Edward to collect my things. I hadn't intended to stay this long.
"What is happening this weekend?" Edward questioned, confusion evident in his voice
I turned, grabbing my bag and throwing it over my shoulder.
"Alice and I are planning on studying together this Sunday and she suggested that since I'd be going back
and forth, that I stay here for the weekend," I explained. Edward walked forward, stopping just in front of
me, and pulling me into his arms.
"I would like that a lot, my Bella. Having you so close to me for so long would be both practical and
enjoyable," he confessed. I smiled, hugging him tighter.
"Well, let's see what Carlisle has to say," I said, my nerves hitting me at the thought of that conversation.
"Umm... Bella?"
I removed myself from Edward's grip long enough to look at Alice. She grinned at me.
"You may want to fix your hair before you go,"

I made my way down the stairs to Dr Cullen's study, knocking lightly at the door.
"Come in," he called, his jovial tone of voice soothing my nerves a little.
"Hi Carlisle, Alice said you wanted to speak to me?" I said, walking into the room and closing the door
immediately.
"Ah, yes, Bella please take a seat," he replied, gesturing to the chair in front of his desk. I quickly moved to
sit down, only stumbling once before settling into the chair.
"Alice mentioned that you wanted to stay over this weekend," Dr Cullen stated, staring impassively at me as
he waited for a reply. I smiled nervously, and took a deep breath before speaking. "We were organizing a
study session, and due to the amount of time that it would take to go back and forth between Forks and
Seattle, she suggested that I just stay over. I didn't want to do so without your knowledge," I explained,
feeling a little ridiculous. It was almost as if I were five again, waiting for a friend's parents to give me
permission to sleep over.
"Bella, you are perfectly welcome to stay over this weekend. There is no need for you to think otherwise,
though I appreciate that you wanted to ask our permission first. I trust you, Bella, and you're more than
welcome in our house," Carlisle finished with a smile.
I stared blankly back at Carlisle, slightly shocked that he had agreed so readily to this. I was expecting
limitations and rules being placed upon my visit, or even to be outright told that it just couldn't happen.
"Thank you," I said, still feeling somewhat shocked.
"You're welcome, Bella. I assume we'll be seeing you on Wednesday? That is the next time you see Edward,
right?" he asked.
"Yes, that's right," I replied, smiling at the fact that Carlisle knew his son's schedule so well.
"It's settled then. Now, Bella, I'm sorry but I really do need to get back to work," he said, gesturing at the
paperwork before him.
"Oh, no that's fine," I said, standing quickly.
"Thank you, Dr. Cullen. Have a good night."
"You too. Have a safe trip home."
Once out of the room, I closed the door quietly behind me. As I made my way across the hallway and to the
front door, a smile worked its way across my face.
I couldn't wait for the weekend.

~*~

Chapter Note:
Gluten Free/ Casein free (GF/CF) diet: It is theorised that when a child is the womb, they received an
immunity injury that caused or enabled the ASD to occur. When the injury occurred, the gut was affected and

it became unable to digest certain foods properly, such as gluten or casein. Deposits of gluten and casein build
up over time and cause or enable some of the symptoms of ASD. Therefore, it is theorised that once these
substances are removed from the diet, many of the symptoms virtually disappear. This treatment of ASD is not
recognised by the medical community at large and is often prescribed by alternative health practitioners. That
being said, there are reports that this diet has helped some sufferers of ASD hugely- even reports of children
who have never been able to speak talking for the first time. However, there are those, like Edward in this
story, who try the diet with no success.

~*~

Chapter Twenty-Five ~ Exploration

EPOV
I was perplexed.
I had been perplexed for seventy-three hours and ten minutes, and my perplexity had not diminished at all
during that time. In fact, the more I seemed to contemplate, the more perplexed I became. It was a vicious
cycle, and I was not entirely sure what to do about it. When I was confused, I would normally speak to Bella
about what was causing the confusion, except this time it was Bella who was causing my confusion.
Bella and I had spoken about our physical relationship, and it was good to understand that we were
like-minded on the issue. Although I previously believed that I had been neglecting my duties as a
boyfriend by not initiating sexual relations by now, it turns out I was wrong and neither of us was ready.
I had enjoyed the small amount of physical progress that we had made on Monday. In fact, I had enjoyed it
immensely, and the memories of the events still caused my body to react. However, I had no idea where to
go from here, since Bella and I had not had a chance to speak after Alice had interrupted us. She had said
there were other things we could do in the meantime, but I didn't know what she meant by that specifically,
or what actions she wanted me to take, if any. I knew, in theory, the actions one could do with hands or
mouths in order to bring a partner to orgasm, but I wasn't sure if I would be comfortable with performing
some of them, as bodily fluids unnerved me somewhat.
When I saw her after school on Wednesday, she had apologized and informed me that she could only stay
for half an hour because she had plans with her father. I was a little cautious about starting a conversation
we might not be able to finish, so we spent the time trying to work on her project. I say "trying," because
Bella kept kissing me, and even though I very much enjoy kissing her, that time was set aside for studying,
and it would not have been a productive use of our time.
There was also the added issue of Bella staying here all weekend. While I was exceptionally glad that she
would be here for an extended period of time, I couldn't help but feel at a loss as to how I was expected to
behave.
A knock on my door caught my attention, and I paused for a moment in an attempt to calm myself.
"Come in."
The door opened and Emmett stuck his head in, smiling widely.

"Hey bro, mom and dad are leaving in a minute, so we should go and say good bye," he said.
I nodded, but I was still feeling uneasy due to my previous thoughts. Emmett seemed to sense this, because
he asked me if I was okay. I paused, not really sure how to answer that question.
"Edward, if something's bothering you, you know you can talk to me, right?" Emmett said, walking forward
seven paces into the room.
The minute he said that, I realized I did indeed have someone to go to for answers. Emmett had already
assured me that I was free to speak with him, and he would certainly be the best person to approach in this
situation. He had spoken to me before about sexual matters, and he would know enough to answer my
questions. I should have thought of that before.
I straightened up and looked in Emmett's direction.
"Yes, as a matter of fact there is something I want to speak to you about. I would like to talk to you later if
that is possible," I said.
Emmett smiled. "Sure bro, I've got a few hours to kill before I go see Rosie tonight, so I'm free anytime you
are."
"I would like to have this conversation as soon as possible. Once we have said goodbye to Esme and Dr.
Cullen, I am free to speak until dinner time," I said, quickly giving Emmett a proposed time so that our talk
could be scheduled.
"Sounds good to me. Alright, you ready to go?"
I nodded stood from my chair and walked with Emmett from the room and across the hallway. Once we
reached the top of the stairs, I caught sight of Dr. Cullen and Esme, both waiting for us. Alice was standing
next to them, and smiled as we walked down the eighteen stairs.
"Emmett, I'm putting my trust in you this weekend," Esme said, staring past me as she spoke, "I am holding
you responsible if anything happens."
"If anything happens, wouldn't the person who caused the problem be the one held accountable?" I asked,
feeling that Esme was being unfair to Emmett. Dr. Cullen laughed, despite the fact I had said nothing
amusing.
"You are absolutely correct Edward, but I'm sure we have nothing to worry about. You're all responsible
adults, and you can spend four days without your parents," he said.
I nodded, smiling at his words. It was very true. We were all old enough to be left alone in the house and
Alice, Emmett and I had planned our weekend perfectly so we all knew what everyone was doing, thus,
there was no reason for Dr Cullen and Esme to be worried.
I looked up and saw that Esme and Dr. Cullen were speaking with their eyes, and I had to look away. In my
peripheral vision, I saw Alice move forward and place a hand on Esme's arm.
"We'll all be fine mom, seriously. Go and enjoy your weekend. You know if anything happens we'll call you

immediately. There's nothing to worry about," she said.

I didn't know why Alice had to state the obvious once again, but Esme seemed pleased, because she turned
and hugged Alice, who seemed to appreciate the hug, because she smiled. It made me think about how Bella
hugs me when she is happy about something I have said or done, and in turn it would make me happy.
Once Esme released Alice, she moved on to hug Dr. Cullen. Emmett stepped forward and embraced Esme
tightly, telling her that we would all be fine. I didn't understand why she needed the sentiment repeated so
many times, as by now she really should have accepted that we were all going to be fine.
"Edward?"
I looked up to see Esme moving towards me. She stopped after taking only three steps, and didn't say a
word. After a few minutes, I couldn't take the silence any longer.
"I hope your trip goes according to plan," I said.
"Thank you, Edward. I hope... I hope you have a good weekend too," she said.
Dr. Cullen reached out and wrapped an arm around her waist, his hand stroking her arm rhythmically. I
recognized the gesture as one of comfort, similar to what Bella did to me when I was overwhelmed or
worried, yet I didn't quite understand why Esme needed comforting at this time since she was not in a
stressful situation
Dr. Cullen murmured the words, "he'll be fine," to her, and now I just found the situation completely
ridiculous. Esme was not a stupid woman, so I didn't understand the need to repeat the same phrase to her
over and over.
After a few more parting words, the two of them picked up their bags and left the house. I didn't know how
to describe my thoughts about being without my guardians for the duration of the weekend. I had never
been in this situation before, and found myself a little worried due to the unfamiliarity. Of course, I had a
full routine and my Bella would be with me for most of the time, and thus I would be less likely to panic.
"So, you wanna go talk now?" Emmett asked, turning towards me. I nodded.
"I'm going to Jasper's for a few hours," Alice said, turning around and facing the two of us.
"Okay, Ali. I'm leaving at seven, so be back before then?" Emmett replied.
"Sure, he has work at six so he said he'd drop me back here on the way. Edward, do you want to do
something tonight? Maybe watch a movie?" she asked.
I contemplated her question for a moment. "Yes, that should be fine Alice, once we have made dinner," I
replied.
Alice jumped up and down four times, clapping her hands in double time as she did.
"Yay, sounds good! I'll see you both later," she called, before running towards the kitchen.
"Good bye, Alice," I said, feeling that I should reply even if she didn't hear me. It was rude not to wish

someone goodbye when they had done so to you.

With Alice gone, Emmett and I turned, walked the four paces to the staircase and then began to climb.
"So," Emmett asked, "What did you want to talk about?"
Emmett was staring at me from the chair at my desk. I couldn't understand his facial expression, and he
hadn't spoken since I had finished with my explanation. I was waiting for Emmett to respond, my fingers
drumming rhythmically, counting multiples of nine in my head while I waited.
"Edward?"
I looked up as Emmett addressed me. He peered at me a moment, before grinning widely.
"Dude, are you asking me if you should go to second base?" he asked.
I frowned. "No, I am asking you about what I should do next in terms of my physical relationship with
Bella," I replied.
"Yeah, that would be second base then,"
"There are no bases involved Emmett. This is not baseball," I said, my head aching from Emmett's
ridiculous comments.
"Edward, it's a metaphor. You use baseball terminology in order to explain the stages of a physical
relationship. First base, second base, third base and homerun," he replied, leaning forward in my chair and
smiling widely.
I thought about his word for a moment, attempting to find any sense in this revelation. When I had no
success, I turned back to Emmett.
"Yes, I understand what you're saying, but why baseball? Baseball is a sport and has nothing to do with
physical relationships. There is no logical connection, and it doesn't make anything any clearer. In fact, it
makes things far more difficult to understand. How does one know in conversation if a person is talking
about baseball or sex? It's just confusing," I said, looking at Emmett in desperation. My head was swimming
with all of this new illogical information that I couldn't make sense of. My mind was having trouble coping.
Emmett shook his head slowly, still smiling.
"It is just a way people refer to it. It's the stages of a physical relationship."
"Then why don't they just call them 'stages'? Wouldn't that be easier?" I said
"Fine. From now on I'll refer to them as 'stages'."
I sighed; nodding as I quickly dismissed the baseball information. It was completely useless anyway.
"Okay, so you're asking if you should move onto the 'second stage'" Emmett said, making quotation marks
with his fingers as he spoke.

"I am not entirely sure what you mean by the 'second stage'" I said, mimicking his actions, "I am aware
there are other activities besides sex, but I don't know where they fit in the stages," I explained.
Emmett nodded. "I get ya bro. The first stage is kissing, or making out, which you've done, yes?"
"Yes," I confirmed, smiling as I remembered the sensations of kissing my Bella.
"Okay. Second stage is essentially using hands. Everything from simple upper body touches to fingering and
hand jobs. I'm guessing you haven't gone that far yet?" Emmett said.
I looked away from him, feeling heat rising in my face as I did.
"We may have started on that stage... Bella was... uh... starting to... then Alice knocked on the door," I said,
feeling a little unsure if I should be admitting that to my brother what happened between Bella and me. It
was something private between us, yet I needed help from Emmett, so I decided that I would tell him the
appropriate amount so that he could help me, and no more.
"Cock blocking Alice strikes again," Emmett muttered quietly. I didn't understand that statement so I
decided to ignore it.
"Well, if Bella said that she wanted to move forward, but not go for a home... ummm... have sex yet, then
yeah, start out with second ba... the second stage," Emmett said eventually.
"If both of you are comfortable doing that, then there's no reason not to at least try. You'll both know your
limits and what is and isn't right for you," Emmett continued.
"I... I'm not sure..." I began, feeling uncomfortable about what I was about to ask. The words weren't flowing
again and I had to close my eyes and recite prime numbers in my mind in order to focus. I reached 29
before I could articulate my thoughts properly.
"I am worried about three matters in regards to the second stage. The first is that, while I have the technical
knowledge, I am worried that I'll do something wrong. The second is that I am worried the sensations may
be too much. Lastly, the idea of bodily fluids is rather... disgusting to me," I admitted, turning away. I
couldn't help the fact that I didn't like the idea of touching bodily fluids, or having them on my skin. It
seemed unhygienic and dirty to me. I feared that that this meant I was wrong in some way and I wouldn't
be able to perform sexual activities.
"Bro, sex is messy. There's no way around that, I'm afraid. I know you like to be clean, but I think this is
something you need to experience and learn your own limitations," he explained.
I nodded slowly, understanding what he said, even if it did nothing to ease my fear.
"Now, don't be afraid of not knowing what to do. Everyone feels that way when they first start out. While
there are some basics I can tell you, all women are different and prefer different things. You have to talk to
Bella, and learn from experience what she enjoys. She'll do the same with you. Don't expect it to be great
the first time, but like everything else, you get better over time. Seriously Edward, there's nothing to be
afraid of," Emmett said, smiling at me.
Emmett's advice did make sense. It was only natural that at first our physical relationship would not be
entirely successful, but in time if Bella and I would come to understand what each other needed, and be

able to respond appropriately.

"So, about the sensory thing," Emmett began, "I don't really know much about how it feels for you, but the
best advice I can give you is to go slowly, and don't do too much at once. Work up to bigger things. Also, you
might want to jack off, ya know, so you get used to the feeling, although it's completely different when it's
your girl doing it," he said, laughing. .
I frowned at his unfamiliar colloquialism.
"What is 'jacking off'?" I asked.
"You don't know what jacking off is? Jeez Edward, doing the five knuckle shuffle? Beating the Bishop?
Slicking the pole? Freeing the genie, juice the moose, flogging your molly, Devil's handshake, ball off, wrist
ammunition?"
I stared at him, completely confused by the random words that he was placing together for some unknown
reason. "Emmett, why would striking a Bishop help me with my sensory perception? Violence is not going
to solve anything and is wrong. I am not going to beat anyone. Why would you suggest that?" I asked, my
thoughts spiraling out of control as I attempted to comprehend what he was saying.
I looked up as Emmett suddenly burst into laughter. He was laughing so loudly that I cringed in protest at
the change in volume. Emmett was unable to speak for another one minute and sixteen seconds, and at one
point I was worried he would stop breathing altogether. It was frustrating. I had not said anything amusing,
and Emmett was not explaining anything. I glanced at my watch, grimacing when I saw the time. This was
taking far too long.
"Edward bro... I didn't actually mean you should hit a Bishop... or do anything to a moose for that matter.
They're euphemisms for masturbating," he said, more laughter escaping as he spoke.
My thoughts stopped at his words. I had no idea what to think or do. The numbers had no answer for me,
and my face heated up at the prospect.
"Edward... have you ever masturbated before?"
I shook my head slowly, looking up at Emmett for answers, a reason for the numbers to return.
"Wh...Edward you're twenty! Wh... how have you never shot putty at the moon?"
Assuming that Emmett was again using one of his strange euphemisms, I concluded that he was asking me
why I had never masturbated before. I had no idea why he couldn't use the actual word; it would make
more sense that way.
"I have never felt the need to," I replied.
Emmett grinned, leaning forward to address me. "But I guess you do now, huh?"
I looked away from him, slightly worried about his eyes and the turn the conversation had taken. I was not
completely comfortable speaking about this with Emmett, as it was not something that I wished for him to
know.

"You should try it in the shower. I think that would work best for you to begin with, especially with your
hygiene issues."
I looked up as Emmett spoke, and then he rose to his feet and smiled, ruffling my hair as he passed before
walking to the door.
He left without another word, closing the door and leaving me with some new and interesting information.
Alice could cook well. She cooked better than Esme, using subtle flavorings, textures and neutral colors. I
enjoyed her food so much that I had a second helping, which I think made her very happy. She promised
that she would cook again for me next week, and this was something I would be looking forward to.
I found that I liked spending time with Alice. We had not spent a long period of time alone for years, since
we both had full schedules. We watched a film together after dinner, and then sat and talked.
Alice was interesting, if a little intense at times. She asked me questions about my latest composition, and I
explained to her things she didn't understand about music. We talked about the people in her class, and
some of the work that she was doing for school.
"Edward, you do like Jasper, don't you?" Alice asked suddenly. It was during a natural break in
conversation, so I was not too bothered about the change of topic.
"Yes, I do. Why do you ask?"
"Well, he's my boyfriend now, so it's important that the two of you get along. I love you both, and you're
both special to me," she explained.
I paused for a moment, contemplating this.
"I understand what you mean." Then I thought for a moment "Alice, do you like Bella?" I asked, suddenly
concerned that this would be an issue.
Alice laughed. "Yes, Edward, she is one of my best friends. I like Bella a lot; you have nothing to worry
about," she said, and I was relieved. Then a thought sprung to mind regarding her previous statement.
"Alice, why did it take you so long to become Jasper's girlfriend? I know the two of you were acting as if you
were a couple for a long time, yet you were not together," I said, finding that, again, the words did not flow
easily. I had been wondering about this and had wanted to ask her about it. It made logical sense to me that
once you found the person you wanted to be with, you should immediately ask to be in a relationship, as I
had done with Bella. I didn't understand why it had taken Alice so long to do so.
"I was scared, Edward. I was afraid that Jasper did not want to get too close to me, because everyone I've
ever gotten close to would eventually abandon me," she said, her voice becoming quiet.
"I didn't abandon you," I said.
Alice looked at me sharply, her head twisting so quickly that it seemed almost unnatural. I lowered my eyes
from hers as I spoke once more.
"I know I don't spend as much time with you as I did when we were children, but it is difficult when we

have such different routines, but I am still here and I don't think Jasper will abandon you either. He cares
for you, and wants to be your boyfriend. If you want to be in a relationship with someone, it's because you
want to be with them as much as you can," I explained. That was how I felt about Bella.
Alice was silent for a moment. She sniffed, and I wondered if she had a cold. I didn't want to get sick again,
so I edged away from her slightly.
"Thank you, Edward. That means a lot to me. I'm here for you too, if you ever need anything," she said.
"Thank you Alice," I replied, glad that I now had permission to talk to Alice if I needed to.
"Okay, I need to do some studying before I go to bed. I'll come by your room and say goodnight in a few
hours, okay?" Alice said, standing up from the couch and stretching.
I nodded, "yes, that would be good. I hope you get your work done," I replied.
Alice waved as she left the room, and I stood and picked up our plates to take to the kitchen. I could
suddenly hear music in my head, and I had the need to write down the melody before I forgot it.
You should try it in the shower."
Emmett's words echoed in my head as I pulled off my shirt and stepped into my bathroom. I turned on the
shower, leaving it for a few moments to allow the water to get to the correct temperature. The sensation of
the shower was one I enjoyed, and I did not allow anyone to use my bathroom in case they changed the
settings. I had it at the perfect temperature and power. Any change in the flow of water or temperature
would be exceptionally distressing for me.
Having left the shower for fifty three seconds, I quickly removed my jeans and boxers and stepped under
the spray. The pressure of the water was relaxing; in the same way that Bella running her hands through
my hair relaxed me. I liked it.
Once I thought of Bella, I continued to think of her as I proceeded with my normal shower routine. It was a
common occurrence; Bella was on my mind frequently. I had missed spending time with her this week, so I
found myself thinking of her more than usual.
I washed my hair, trying to recreate the feeling of having her hands running through it I had no idea why it
mattered that it was Bella's hands touching my hair, but it did. I had tried before, but even using the same
movements, it would never feel the same.
My thoughts returned to our last interaction as I continued to wash. I enjoyed remembering the experience
and wanted to repeat it in the near future. It had been an intriguing experiment, a learning experience.
I would have never envisioned that I would enjoy Bella kissing along my neck, but it been particularly
stimulating. Something about the pressure she maintained at the right points had shot adrenaline through
my veins. I could barely control myself, everything around me diminishing as I had given in to the
sensations.
I usually disliked not being in control. I needed to know how to react in all eventualities, yet in this
instance, I enjoyed giving myself to Bella. I enjoyed allowing her to touch and explore me while I gave into
the sensations. I trusted her completely. I knew that I could let her take control and not fear what would

happen when I did.

I sighed as I recalled the pleasure that Bella's touches had given me. Unconsciously, I moved my lathered
hands downwards on the same path her hands had taken, the beat of the shower only heightening my
sensory awareness.
My breaths were uneven, my skin seeming electrified as I could feel each drop of water and cluster of soap
on my skin. I closed my eyes, a need making itself known, something that I was usually only aware of when
Bella and I were close. I was aroused, this I knew, and while I would normally wait for the need to
disappear by itself, this time I decided to follow Emmett's advice.
I gasped as my fingers simply brushed against the solid flesh. My eyes flew open, my hand slamming
against the tiled wall. The intensity of a simple touch was more than I had expected. I swallowed, panting,
the sensations dying but igniting as I strove for control once more. My need was far stronger now and,
closing my eyes, I began again.
I wrapped my hand around the base, my head falling back as my body shook and gradually I adjusted to the
new sensations. Then, slowly, I moved my hand forward along the length of my penis. A strangled cry
escaped me of its own volition as my stomach muscles tightened and my skin flamed.
It was torture, so beyond anything I had experienced, my body aware of nothing and everything as my wet
hand slipped back down again. I couldn't stop, the elation and addiction of the sensations increasing as I
stroked up and down my shaft, in the same pattern, over and over.
I could feel something building, a feeling that I shied away from as my hand worked of its own accord. It
was too much, yet not enough, and I was fearful of heading into something that would cause a sensory
overload. My moans and pants were loud in my ears, only drowned out by the constant and reassuring
pounding of the water. I leaned forward, resting my head against the cool tiles, reveling in the calm they
gave me as the desperation to find an end to this feeling caused my hand to move faster.
My hand was slippery, the water making my movements along my flesh erratic and uncontrolled.
Somewhere in my mind, I wanted to slow down, but I couldn't fight the sensations.
I cried out as my thumb slipped over the head. I stopped, gasping as my whole body buzzed at the new
revelation of what my touch could achieve. Starting from the base once more, I dragged my hand up,
moaning as my thumb passed over the tip, my left arm coming up and gripping the wall tightly. I had
discovered that I didn't need too much pressure in order to cause an extreme amount of almost painful
pleasure to course through me.
I leaned heavily against the wall as I perfected my movements. From base to tip I dragged my hand,
shivering in anticipation as I passed my thumb over the tip, moaning and panting as needles and fire made
my hands shake and my muscles tense.
It was overwhelming, and each pass of my hand and my thumb made me need it even more. I was gasping,
frantic for this to end, but wanting it to continue. Fluid leaked from the tip into my hand as I worked myself,
but it was soon washed away by the water, leaving nothing there to bother me. The feel of thick liquid on
my hands was somewhat unpleasant, but I barely had to endure it. All was overridden by the burning need
and addictive sensations.
My legs shook as my hand moved faster and I felt the build up to what I knew would be my orgasm. The

feeling had reached an unbearable level. I panted, feeling hot and claustrophobic, my body needing air
desperately as I reached my limit. It hurt, this inability to get to where my body needed to be, and I stroked
harder and faster in an attempt to ease my pain and complete this exercise.
Then, in one normal, insignificant stroke, it happened. I reached the desired level and my orgasm hit in an
explosion of sensory awareness. I screamed, my hand stilling and my body freezing as I convulsed, my
bodily fluids washing away as they hit the floor of the shower. Then everything felt lighter, clearer and
without tension.
Yet even as I felt this, a sudden wave of panic made itself known. I was shaking, unable to breathe or think.
My skin felt thin and raw as if worked over with sand paper. As the last moments of pleasure faded, my
knees gave out and I hit the floor of the shower. I moaned as the water pounded down on me, each drop
hurting my skin in the wake of the sensations I had just experienced.
I hoisted myself up on one arm, shaking badly as I turned off the water. I slumped back down onto the floor,
rocking myself back and forth, tears clouding my eyes. I cried, sobbing on the floor, wishing I had Bella here
to make sense of this and to make all of the hurt go away so I could be calm again.
It took me almost half an hour to return to normal, and even then, I still felt weak and sensitive. I wrapped
myself in a towel and lied on my bed. I felt comforted by the loose and warm material. I shuffled to the door
when Alice came to say goodnight, thankfully only having to exchange a few words with her. I didn't think I
would be capable of a long conversation.
Once she left, I crawled to my bed, staying on top of the covers. I couldn't face having the fabric touch my
skin for now. I curled up, the towel my only protection, hugging a pillow to myself. I knew now that it would
take time for me to be capable of dealing with the sensory repercussions that having a physical relationship
would cause.
My exploration had not been a failure. I had succeeded in my task, and had, for the most part, enjoyed the
feelings. I knew there would be a risk of sensory overload, but I had been able to go this far, which meant I
had made progress.
I sighed, curling up and gaining comfort from the materials around me. I shivered, but not from the cold. I
was relaxing slowly, and I cuddled further into the pillow, exhaustion overtaking me.
All I had to do was continue practicing. That way I could be better for my Bella.

~*~

Chapter Note:
While it may seem odd that Edward as a 20 year old male has never masturbated before, those with AS
can often be late developers, so this is not unremarkable.

~*~

Chapter Twenty-Six ~ Sleepover

BPOV

The sound of my alarm clock startled me awake, and I grappled for the damn thing until my hand finally
made contact with the off switch. Once I had ceased the awful noise, I slumped back on to the pillows, my
eyes still firmly shut. I was exhausted. Every spare moment of my time had been taken up with studying,
seeing professors and going to classes. The outline of my research project was due at the end of next week,
and my other classes weren't cutting down their workloads. After pulling a few late nights, I was dead on
my feet.
I blearily stumbled out of bed, desperate for a shower and coffee before I headed off to work. Despite my
tiredness, I couldn't help but smile at the prospect of a whole weekend with Edward.
Charlie had seemed surprisingly okay with me staying with the Cullens. We had spent more time together
in the past week, repairing some of the damage our argument had caused. However, we stayed on safe
discussion topics, and did not address my relationship with Edward. Although Charlie had accepted the
reality of it, he wasn't exactly our greatest fan. Our relationship was improving though, and at this moment,
I would take anything I could get.
"Morning Bells," Charlie said as I walked into the kitchen.
I grunted in reply, my mind still barely functioning.
"Still not a morning person I see," he chuckled to himself, causing me to glower in his direction.
"Thank God it's Friday," I muttered to myself. Although that made no difference to my work schedule, as I
would be there bright and early on Saturday morning. At least I would be seeing Edward this afternoon.
That was one of the few things keeping me going.
"Bella, before I forget, your mom wants you to call her tonight," Charlie said. I groaned, remembering the
calls I had been dodging for the past few days. Renee had been mercilessly hounding me about Edward for
weeks, begging for the picture I had yet to send her, as well as "details." Our last conversation had ended
with me hanging up on her when the word "girth" was mentioned. There were certain words that should
never come out of my mother's mouth, and that was one of them.
"I'll call her when I get to Alice's. Thanks dad," I replied as searched for something sugary to eat for
breakfast. I needed all the energy I could get before I left the house. I'd deal with the sugar crash later.
"Okay, Bella. Give me a call on Saturday night to let me know how everything's going," Charlie stated,
appearing in the doorway. I smiled and nodded.
"I will dad, I promise. Don't worry.".
"I'm a dad. I can't help it." He smiled shyly, "And get some sleep. You look like a zombie."
I glared at his retreating back as he chuckled his way to the front door.
"Thanks dad!" I called sarcastically.
Once alone, I quickly began my morning routine, just remembering to grab the bag I had packed the night
before in preparation for my weekend. Apart from the studying and working on Saturday morning, I had no
idea what was in store for me. I assumed Edward had planned something for us to do together on Saturday
evening, but I never had a chance to ask him, so I was completely in the dark. I packed a few outfits, hoping

that at least one of them would work.

After the conversation about our physical relationship, being close to Edward without touching him would
be exceptionally difficult. Now that we had established where we would be going to a certain extent, my
body was more than eager to get to that place. Although it was probably for the best that Alice had
interrupted us when she did, I couldn't help but wonder what would have happened if we had been left to
our own devices.
I smiled to myself, the thought entertaining me for the entire drive to work.
"When this is all over, I'm going to spend a week in bed. I'm not getting up for anything, and I'll make Ben
bring me food."
I snorted as Angela stifled yet another yawn.
"I think after about three days without showering, Ben won't be going anyway near you," I said in response.
Angela glared at me, and I laughed. We picked up our bags and made our way out of the classroom.
"Seriously though, after this project is handed in, I'll be so damn happy. I just hope they approve my
outline." She looked discouraged.
"I know they will, don't worry," I said, giving her an encouraging smile as we left the building. I smiled as I
saw Alice standing by her car, offering her a wave in acknowledgement. She quickly bounded over,
wrapping us both in a dual hug as a greeting.
"Ready to go?" she asked, turning her attention to me. I nodded, and the two of us said or goodbyes to
Angela, reminding her we would see her on Sunday afternoon.
"I'm exhausted," Alice moaned as we trudged towards our cars. I sighed, and nodded in agreement,
knowing that the dark circles under her eyes matched my own.
"I know. I swear I'm going to pass out right after dinner," I said, feeling somewhat annoyed that I wouldn't
be particularly good company tonight. I would have more time with Edward than ever before, and I was
probably going to be asleep through most of it.
"That's fine. We were only planning on watching a move tonight. It's just us two, Emmett and Edward. I
can't see myself staying up late either," Alice said.
We reached our cars. I quickly opened the door and slid in, then followed Alice for the short drive to the
Cullen house. Despite Alice's manic driving and the relatively clear roads, it seemed that it took ages to get
there.
My anticipation at spending time with Edward was greater than I had realized. I'd been so busy that this
was the first time I really had a chance to think about how much I really missed him, and the feeling
intensified the longer I focused on it I knew I could never spend this much time away from him again.
As we pulled into the driveway, a smile worked its way across my face, and a high-pitched giggle escaped. I
felt almost ridiculous, like a teenager going to see her crush, but I was too happy to care. My smile only
widened as I drew closer to the house and caught sight of Edward, sitting on the front step.

I parked hastily, and almost fell out of my car in my eagerness to see him. It seemed that I wasn't the only
one, since I had barely walked around my vehicle before I was swooped up into Edward's arms. I sighed
contentedly as I wrapped my arms around his neck, feeling my stress deplete just from being close to him.
"Hello, My Bella, I've missed you," he said, as he rocked us gently back and forth. I squeezed him tightly
once before replying.
"Hi, Edward, I've missed you too. I don't want to spend that long without seeing you again," I said, voicing
my earlier thoughts.
I nuzzled my head into his chest and closed my eyes, feeling sleepy and content as he hugged me, the
rocking motion only easing me further. After a moment I felt Edward pull away.. I looked up at him, and he
smiled, leaning down and kissing me softly once before resting his forehead against mine.
"I can't go that long without seeing you again either. Time has a strange effect when you're not around; it
appears to move more slowly, even though I know this is an impossibility. I have concluded that it would be
best to see each other as often as possible, so that the effect is lessened,"
I was smiling so hard that it hurt by the end of his declaration, and simply kissed him as I raised my hands
to his hair . Edward responded quickly, kissing me in return and looping his arms around me.
"Err, are you two going to stand out here and do that all night, or are you going to come inside? I'm letting
all the heat out!" Alice yelled from the doorway.
I broke away from Edward and turned my head to the side to face her, grinning when I realized she was
smirking at us. Edward leaned his head against my temple, sighing softly.
"We should move, My Bella," he said, before releasing me grudgingly.
I gripped his hand as I retrieved my bag from the car, refusing to let go of him even when our position
twisted my arm uncomfortably. Edward immediately took my bag from me, refusing to let me carry it into
the house. I rolled my eyes and protested at his old fashioned behavior, while secretly enjoying every
moment of it.
"I was unable to complete my scheduled piano practice for the day, so I must finish it after we've put your
bag in my room," Edward announced as we made our way upstairs.
I paused for a second as I allowed the words to sink in. His room. I would be staying with Edward, alone in
his room. I felt my cheeks heat up and my mind ran rampant with scenarios that I didn't even know I could
conjure up.
I had spent time in Edward's room before, even slept for a few hours with him when he had been sick. This
time would be different. Our small initiation into physical relations had changed things, and while this had
previously excited me, a twinge of worry crept into the back of my mind as we entered Edward's room.
He released my hand and started searching for a place to put my bag while my worries began to
accumulate. What exactly would Edward want from me? I knew that we had talked about moving forward,
but what did he want me to do? I suddenly wished I had been more prepared for this weekend and maybe
bought some new underwear. Would my choice in underwear be important to Edward? Would they need to
match?

"Bella? Is everything alright?"

I snapped out of my thoughts at Edward's concerned tone. I shook my head, , embarrassed on my own
behalf at the way my thoughts had digressed.
"Sorry, yes I'm fine," I said, smiling at him to prove my point.
Edward returned my smile. "Good. We should go to the music room so I can finish practicing," he said,
offering me a hand. I took it gratefully, allowing him to lead me out of the room and banished my
insecurities and fears. I wouldn't allow them to spoil this weekend.
Normally, sitting on the piano bench, watching and listening to Edward play through his pieces was
something I loved to do. Today, unfortunately, I was having a problem. The melodies that he produced were
soothing me, and my already exhausted mind was having difficulty staying lucid. I shook myself awake
three times while he worked his way through two pieces by Bach, yet I was undone by the time he began
playing the soothing tune of a lullaby. I sighed, feeling my whole body slump as I closed my eyes, my mind
shutting down to the beautiful music...
"Bella, will you please get off me? I cannot play with you leaning against me."
I started as I realized that I had once again dozed off, this time on Edward. I sighed, leaning back into an
upright position, sending him a sheepish glance even though I knew he wouldn't understand it.
"Sorry, I'm just so tired, and you lulled me to sleep," I said, yawning widely.
"Why are so you tired, Bella?" he asked as he turned back to the piano, picking up the melody from where
he left off. I couldn't help but marvel at his talent as he turned towards me, awaiting an answer without
stumbling once.
"I've just been so busy. There was a lot of work to do for my research paper, so I've had quite a few late
nights and early mornings because of work and school," I explained
"Bella, you're supposed to sleep for at least seven hours a night. It is pivotal that you get this much sleep,
otherwise you will not be able to function," he reprimanded.
A spark of frustration hit me, but I allowed it to diminish before replying. My temper was always on a short
fuse when I was tired, and I fought hard to keep it in check. I didn't want to snap at Edward.
"I know that, and I usually do. I just needed to do more studying than normal this week, and I had to
compensate by cutting down my sleeping hours," I said, hoping that Edward would approve if I explained it
in this way. Sadly, this was not the case.
"Then you should have managed your routine better. Sleeping is an important human function, and we
become useless without it, like you are now," he said
"Thanks Edward, I already know that!" I yelled, finally losing my patience with him.
Edward cringed from my tone, his hands slipping from the keys as he did so. I groaned, dropping my head
into my hands, and then moved my fingers into my hair. I pulled at it tightly, the slight pain making me feel

better. I stayed like that for barely a moment when I heard Edward gasp. Before I could right myself to see
what was wrong, his hands covered mine, gently prying my fingers away from my scalp.
"You're going to hurt yourself," he said, taking my hands in one of his and looping his other arm around my
waist. He dragged me across the piano bench towards him, his lips finding the places on my head where my
hands had been, healing the pain with his kisses. I closed my eyes, allowing myself to feel.
"I'm sorry I shouted at you," I said after a moment, "I'm just really temperamental when I'm tired. I didn't
like that you called me useless, even though I know you didn't mean it the way it sounded. It hurt a little," I
admitted.
Edward removed his hands from my own and wrapped both his arms around me tightly.
"I don't think you're useless in general, My Bella. I meant that you're useless today due to lack of sleep. I'm
sorry that my words hurt you; I would never hurt you on purpose," he said, his arms tensing around me
infinitesimally each time he spoke the word 'hurt'. I turned to face him.
"I know. I overreacted, that's all," I said, leaning my head against his shoulder and closing my eyes. I didn't
want to dwell upon this any longer than we already had. It had been a small, silly tiff really, and I felt
ashamed that I had been the one to initiate it. I felt Edward shift beside me, then yelped in surprise when he
swooped me up into his arms and made his way towards the door.
"Edward, put me down!" I cried
"No, I'm taking you upstairs," he said. I blushed as lewd thoughts instantly sprung to mind, but quickly
dismissed them as they would do me no good now.
"Well then, may I walk?"
"I like carrying you. Plus, you are tired and I want to take care of you since you're feeling so drained.
Therefore I just want you to rest, and that includes not letting you walk upstairs."
I opened my mouth to protest, but no words came to mind in the wake of Edward's declaration. He wanted
to take care of me. I felt incredibly guilty for my outburst as it was, and this only increased my guilt. I had
been rude and short with him due my own temper and tiredness, yet Edward was going out of his way to
make me feel better.
I leaned up in his arms, kissed his cheek and snuggled intro his neck as we crossed the threshold and
entered his room. He lowered me gently onto the bed, picked up a stray piece of hair and twisted it round
his finger. He watched it in fascination for a moment, his eyes alight with wonder as he inspected the color
and tested the softness with the pads of his fingertips.
It was such a sweet gesture that I couldn't resist leaning in and kissing him. He smiled as I backed away,
uncurling my hair from his hands as he did so. He sat up and shifted on the bed, before slipping my shoes
off my feet carefully. His own soon followed, and I smiled at him as he made his way back up the bed.
"So what are we doing?" I asked as he joined me.
"Sleeping," he replied. I blinked, completely confused by his actions.

"But you haven't finished your piano practice."

Edward smiled and flopped down on the pillows, opening his arms to me. I couldn't resist and
automatically leaned down and allowed him to pull me to his chest.
"I calculated that there is room in my routine to finish my practice tomorrow morning, and complete all pf
my scheduled activities. It is more important that I take care of my girlfriend now than finish my playing."
My eyes widened and my breath caught in my throat at Edward's declaration. He was rescheduling his
night and sacrificing his routine for me. This spoke volumes in terms of how deeply he cared for me,
considering that he was liable to break down when anything threatened the security of his routine. That
thought alone almost brought tears to my eyes.
I raised myself up and stared into his eyes. "Edward, I'm tired, not ill. You don't have to go to these lengths
for me. You can finish playing while I rest for a while,"
Edward shook his head. "I want to stay with you. That is the point of this weekend, to be with you as much
as I can. Besides, not sleeping enough will cause you to be ill, so I would like to make sure that you are as
rested as possible to prevent that from happening," he said.
I pushed myself forward and kissed him, the momentum causing it to be harder than I had anticipated.
Thankfully, Edward didn't seem to mind the pressure, as he kissed me back just as enthusiastically. My
hands quickly located his hair, my fingers smoothing and tugging it greedily.
Edward moaned loudly, and I immediately broke away, wondering if I'd hurt him or gone too far. His eyes
were downcast, his cheeks hot as I stared and waited for him to indicate if I'd done something wrong.
"Edward?" I said softly. When I received no reply, I cupped his cheek with my hand, hoping that the
skin-on-skin connection would help give him comfort. It seemed to work, as he automatically nuzzled into
me.
He cast his eyes in my direction, which let me know I had his attention, even if his eyes didn't meet mine. I
opened my mouth to ask what had happened, when I ruined the moment by yawning. Edward instantly
pulled me down again, allowing me to curl up on his chest.
"You need to sleep now, My Bella," he said, kissing my forehead. I didn't even bother protesting, I simply
closed my eyes and surrender to my exhaustion.
"What do you want to do tomorrow?" I asked as Edward and I made our way hand-in-hand up the stairs.
After our nap, we had joined Alice and Emmett to watch the movie. The lazy evening had been perfect. It
was tradition to eat pizza every Friday at the Cullen house, and of course we could not deviate from this.
Edward had been adamant that he and I share a pizza, and I had a feeling that it was something Alice and
Emmett usually did with Rosalie and Jasper. The thought made me ache, imagining Edward alone with
nobody to share with, so I tried to seem extra enthusiastic at the prospect.
I attempted to call Renee, but there was no answer. I decided to try again on Sunday evening, rather than
using up any more of my precious time with Edward.

"Well I had an idea, My Bella, that I think is rather practical and would be enjoyable," Edward said as we
walked to his room.
"What would that be?"
"A picnic, after you finish work. It would be lunchtime then, so it would be the perfect time for you to eat,
and the weather forecast is excellent for the afternoon.
I smiled, spinning round and wrapping my arms around him.
"I think it's a wonderful idea, Edward. I think a picnic lunch will be fun."
Edward smiled at me, but automatically pulled away. Before I could even wonder what was wrong, Edward
spoke.
"I'm going to ask Alice if she will make us food. I enjoyed her cooking yesterday and she said she would
cook again. I'll be back in a moment," he said, and before I could stop him, he had disappeared.
I shook my head and smiled, deciding that I would get ready for bed while he was gone. I Picked up my bag
and made my way into the bathroom.
Edward's bathroom was so clean and tidy that I was somewhat intimidated. I felt worried that I would
knock something over and mess up whatever comforting pattern he had created with his toiletries. I
decided to get ready as quickly as I could, and soon found myself despairing at my choice of nightwear. An
old, faded top and worn-out red pajama bottoms were hardly what I should be wearing when staying over
at my boyfriend's for the first time.
"Bella? Are you in there?"
I jumped.
"Yes, I'm in here. I'll be out in a minute. I'm just getting ready for bed," I called.
"Okay, I was just worried. I didn't know where you were. Please finish with your evening routine."
I smiled at his phrasing, hastening to finish. I stared at my appearance glumly in the mirror for a few
moments, feeling a little foolish when I began tugging at my night clothes. Resigning myself to the fact that
my appearance wasn't going to miraculously change, I picked up my bag and returned to the bedroom.
Edward was sitting on the bed, but rose to his feet as soon as I entered the room. I had barely managed to
put away my bag when Edward wrapped me in his arms and kissed me. I responded immediately, confused
as to what brought this on, but enjoying it all the same. All too soon, he broke away.
"I'm going to get ready for bed, my Bella. Please make yourself comfortable. I will return soon," he said
before leaving me alone in the room.
To my dismay, my mind yet again went into overdrive. I lay there, staring up at the ceiling, listening to my
heartbeat race. I was nervous, far more so than I had been a few minutes ago. I knew there was no reason
to panic, no reason to feel this afraid. Yet I couldn't shake the feeling that this was something...
monumental, a big step within our relationship. The fact that I was aware of this was only making my

anxiety worse.
I froze when the door opened. Edward crossed the room and flicked off the light. The darkness only made
my pulse quicken.
I watched his silhouette move towards me before he climbed into bed. I turned on my side, facing him, but
didn't move. He stared at me, and I had no idea what I should do. Edward suddenly smiled, and drew closer
to me, his fingers tracing my face slowly. My body relaxed instantly at his touch, so when he moved
forward, I responded instantly to his kiss.
Recalling our last kiss, I found myself soon desperate for contact, moving my hands across his arms, face
and hair as our kiss intensified. I felt the longing build within me, excitement making me practically paw at
Edward, touching him in any way I could.
That was, until he stopped and pulled away. I frowned at him, my heart racing as he said, "We need to go to
sleep now."
I blinked, my mind trying to process the fact that Edward had just stopped making out with me in favor of
going to sleep. Edward kissed my temple and then pulled me down beside him, automatically hugging me
close to his body. I closed my eyes, willing my frustration at my boyfriend, and my excitement, to die down.
"Good night, My Bella," he said.
"Good night Edward," I replied, hoping that sleep would come quickly.
When the alarm blared early on Saturday morning, it was far more difficult to pull myself from the bed than
it had been on Friday. Unlike the previous morning, I was rested from my nap and longer than average
sleep.
This time my reluctance was due to the presence of a very warm and cuddly Edward. I pulled myself away
from him ever so slightly, and he frowned in protest, automatically moving closer to me. I caved and
wrapped myself back up in him, reveling in his warmth, knowing I would have to move in a minute. Even
sleeping, Edward had far too much power over me.
After five minutes, I knew I had stayed as long as I could without making myself late. I moved away once
more, this time sitting up before Edward tried to pull me back down again. Once I had moved, his frown
was back, and he huddled in on himself on instinct. I leaned forward, and kissed his cheek.
"Sleep well, My Edward," I whispered, before getting up and dressing quickly.
Alice was in the kitchen when I entered, looking far better than she had yesterday.
"Hey Bella, wanna ride with me to work?" she asked.
"Thanks I was going to ask you since Edward's picking me up," I replied. Alice laughed and handed me a
mug of coffee.
"I know, he told me about your plans last night. I think it's so sweet that he's taking you on a picnic. He puts
so much effort into everything you do together. Jasper could learn a thing or two from him..."

I smiled, but then my stupid mind started him pulling away from me last night. While I knew that if there
was something really wrong, Edward wouldn't hesitate to tell me, I couldn't fight the small insecure voice
inside my head.
"Bella? Bella, did you hear me?"
"Sorry, what?" I said, once I noticed Alice addressing me.
"I asked if you wanted any toast. Is everything okay?"
I forced myself to smile. "Yes, I'm fine, and sure, toast is good."
Alice stared at me for a moment, and then she nodded, turning and grabbing the bread while I steadied
myself. I needed to forget my insecurities and concentrate on my morning. I had more important things to
think about.
After work, Edward drove us to the park that we had been to when we first met. I smiled to myself,
remembering my conversation with him on the swings. How things had changed since then.
Edward spent half the time fussing over a bite I had received from a child at work, and the other half trying
to find the perfect spot. When I told him that it didn't matter where we sat, he insisted that it did, as he
wanted it to be the perfect mix of shade and sun so I didn't get cold or sunburned. I knew it was useless to
argue, so I simply allowed Edward to continue searching. After almost fifteen minutes, Edward was finally
content with a spot and we officially started our picnic.
"Are you sure that your hand is okay, My Bella? Did you sanitize it right away?" he asked just as I was about
to start on my sandwich.
"Yes, of course I did. It's nothing Edward, really. It's a small bite. I've had a lot worse," I replied, gesturing to
the fading red marks.
"I don't like that you get hurt at all. I don't care if it's barely a scratch," he said, his eyes fixed on my hand. I
reached out and touched the side of his face until he lifted his gaze to mine. It was so difficult, in moments
like this, not to say how I truly felt about him, because it was times like this I was reminded why I had fallen
in love with him.
"I promise you, I'm fine. Now, let's eat. I've heard so much about Alice's food I'm desperate to try it."
The rest of our lunch was perfect, with the two of us falling into easy conversation. Alice's food was every
bit as good as Edward had claimed, and I vowed to return the favor on Monday. Edward insisted that we
should stay in the shade of a nearby tree while the sun was at its highest, so I found myself sitting in
Edward's lap, my back against his chest as he rested against the tree. It was clich, and childish, but I didn't
care. I was happy. When the temperature dropped and the sun started to go down, we reluctantly left.
"This game is completely implausible and seems to have no objective whatsoever. Why are you playing?"
Edward asked, as I sat down beside him, handing the controller to a disgruntled Jasper as I did.
"I know it's implausible, Edward. It's just supposed to be fun," I said, watching as Emmett and Jasper's
scores increased, Rosalie and Alice offering not so helpful suggestions and collapsing into laughter..

"How is killing zombies in a haunted house fun?"

I smiled. "It's more fun kicking Emmett and Jasper's asses really," I explained.
Edward sighed, dropping his head onto my shoulder, and kissing the exposed skin with a vengence.
Concentrating then became impossible, so I closed my eyes, shutting off every other sense, and my fingers
latched onto Edward's hair of their own accord.
"Edward, cut it out!" was the only warning I received before I was smacked in the side of the head with a
cushion.
"Ouch!" I said, breaking away from Edward and flinging the object back in the direction of a cackling
Rosalie and Alice. Edward sat up and drew me back against him, cradling my head in his hands.
"That was horrible. You could have hurt her," he scolded.
"Then get a room. I don't wanna see you two kissing on the couch," Rosalie said, softening the effect of her
cold words by winking and smiling at me. I rolled my eyes in her direction, and was slightly stunned when
Edward stood up from the couch. He offered me his hand and, totally perplexed, I took it, allowing him to
help me up.
"Edward, are you okay?" Alice asked, drawing the attention of the entire room.
"Yes, but I want to kiss my girlfriend, so we're going to my room, as you suggested," he said, before turning
and leading the way upstairs. My face turned crimson, but I couldn't help but laugh along with everyone
else as we made our way upstairs. Despite Edward's obvious purpose, by the time we had reached his
room, my previous anxiety was back in full-force.
"So, you want to kiss me now?" I blurted out before I could stop myself.
"Yes, I just said so. Why would you assume that I didn't want to kiss you when I had made my intentions
clear?"
I hesitated, feeling a little ridiculous, but knowing if we didn't talk about this, then it would only be worse
later on.
"Last night you didn't seem to want to kiss me. You stopped and decided you wanted to sleep instead."
Edward cocked his head to one side, studying me for a moment.
"And you perceived this as me not wanting to kiss you?" he asked, his mind obviously working to
comprehend the direction of my thoughts and emotions.
"Yes. I don't know how else I could have taken it," I said.
"You should have realized that, while I enjoy our kisses, it was not the right time for them. You were tired
and had to get up for work in the morning, thus should have been sleeping rather than kissing," he said.
I stared at him for a moment, before shaking my head and moving forward. I kissed him, draping my arms
around his neck and pulling him close to me.

"In the future," I whispered, "I would prefer kissing you to sleeping. No matter how tired I am."
I didn't give Edward a chance to reply, as I kissed him deeply, making up for all that I had not been able to
do yesterday. If Edward objected to my words, his actions didn't show it, as before too long he had moved
us backwards to the bed. We fell, a tumble of kisses and limbs, laughing as we attempted to right ourselves
without breaking apart. We ended up lying side by side, Edward's fingers running up and down my arm as
he looked at me. I smiled, lifting my own arm and tracing a line from his temple, across his jaw and down to
his neck. Edward sighed at my touch, and I felt amazed and ecstatic that he was so comforted by me.
"You're so much better now. With touch, I mean. It's strange to think that when we first kissed, it was too
much for you to take. I hope that doesn't happen again anytime soon," I mused, more to myself than
Edward. His next words shocked me.
"I don't think it will, my Bella. I have been practicing, so that it doesn't not occur again," he said.
"What do mean 'practicing'?" .
"Emmett suggested that it would be helpful if I masturbated on a regular basis so that I became
desensitized to the feeling of touch."
My brain stopped being able to process any thought, instead opting to bombard me with images that
caused my skin to heat and my mouth to run dry. Desire hit me before I had a chance to breathe, and I
couldn't believe how much the thought of Edward pleasuring himself excited me.
"I'm going to kiss you now," I whispered, drawing closer to him, my lips close to touching his, "because I
need you now."
"I need you too," he replied. For a moment, his words stalled me. There was something there beneath both
of our declarations that we had yet to encounter and explore, but then desire took hold of me, and I reached
for him.
Our kisses were frenzied to start, all teeth and wandering hands, slaves to hormones and want. It didn't
last, and we settled into a rhythm of some description, yet the intensity between us did not diminish. I felt
as if I were overheating with every new kiss and exploration, our movements slow and testing against each
other.
As my hands moved under Edward's shirt, he gasped iat the new sensation. I pushed the hem up slightly,
and then looked back at him. My bravado faded slightly, and I blushed as I fumbled for words.
"Are you okay if I..." I said, pulling his shirt up when my vocabulary failed. In response, Edward sat up
slowly, and I mimicked his actions. He wrapped and arm around me, pulled me closer, and played with the
edge of my top, just as I had done with his.
"Are you?" he asked quietly. I swallowed thickly, insecurity creeping in at his request. No one had ever seen
me in just my underwear since I was a child, and my first time at being half naked with Edward was a little
daunting. Still, I nodded and fought the urge to close my eyes as Edward slowly began lifting the sides of my
top. His fingers brushed against my skin a few times as I lifted my arms for him, his touch causing a shiver
of excitement, as well as providing a sense of comfort. I did close my eyes as Edward gently lifted the
garment over my head, and despite my attempts at reassuring myself, I couldn't quite work up the courage

to open them again.

"Bella, why are your eyes closed?"
At Edward's questioning, I slowly re-opened them, offering him a half smile as he peered at me.
"I'm just a little... scared... of what you'd think... of me..." I finished quietly.
"I think you're beautiful, and I would like to kiss you again," he stated immediately.
I couldn't help the smile that broke out on my face, and I launched myself at him, throwing my arms around
his neck as I did so. Edward fell back on the bed, looking rumpled and adorable against the white pillows.
He smiled at my playfulness, rolling us over until he was on top of me. He didn't hesitate after that, and I
was granted the kiss he promised. I felt his hands brush against my newly exposed skin. He was tentative at
first, limiting himself to my arms and collar bone. This cautious touch didn't last once my hands curled into
his hair, and he started on a new course.
His fingers dragged across my breast, and even though there was no skin on skin contact, I arched myself
into his touch. He became more confident, his fingers testing and teasing, my gasps and moans echoing
around us.
My stomach tightened with every pass of Edward's hand, the stimulation always what I needed and not
enough. His knuckles brushed against the skin of my stomach, and I giggled at the tickling sensation.
Edward stopped kissing me, and I sat up, not bothering to ask for permission this time as I lifted his shirt
from his body. He was toned without being too muscular, pale without looking sickly, and in my eyes as
close to perfection as I could want.
I kissed him roughly, giving him a heightened sensory experience to distract him as I trailed my hand
across his stomach. His muscles tensed in the wake of my touch, and Edward responded with a moan. I
pushed back on to the bed, not breaking our kiss as I began my own exploration.
Edward was panting as I allowed my hand to follow the contours of his flesh, taking note of where he
became the most responsive. His kisses became messy and uncoordinated, and his lack of control excited
me more than I had anticipated. I felt selfish as I explored his body, wanting to move forward as my own
need increased with every pass of my hand.
"Bella..." he groaned and I turned my attention to his neck. I wanted to move on and leave a trail of kisses
down as far as I dared, but I sensed this would be too much. Hands were doing the driving tonight. Mouths
could be saved for later.
The world tipped as I was suddenly turned onto my back, and Edward's body leaned over mine, his head
against my neck, as he panted into my skin. He kissed me once there, before moving his head so that our
foreheads were touching.
"Bella... I...I want to touch you... but I'm... I don't think I can," he whispered, his eyes closed.
"What do you mean?" I asked, my voice rough.
"Bodily fluids," he explained.

"Oh..." was my reply, and my face flamed as I became very aware of how much his touch had affected me.
That would definitely be an issue. I turned my face away from Edward, trying to collect my thoughts and
form some sort of response when I felt Edward's hand move across my stomach. I turned back to face him,
and was greeted by a searing kiss. It distracted me, but not enough to not notice the downward path that
his hand was taking. I broke away from his mouth in shock.
"What are you..." I was cut off as Edward's hand moved between my legs, pressing the fabric of my jeans
into me. I moaned, arching towards him in the wake of the surge of pleasure that I felt from one simple
touch.
"Is this okay, My Bella?" Edward asked as his fingers moved across me.
"Yes, don't stop," I panted, a cry escaping as he rubbed me once more.
"I won't," he assured me, his lips descending on my neck again, leaving me to cry and moan in elation at the
movement of his fingers. His kisses were patterned, but I couldn't discern how, my mind focusing on the
upward and downward strokes that created such pleasure within me. I don't know how long he continued,
testing me, bringing me closer as I gripped onto his shoulders, desperate for something to hold onto.
It was the new, circular motions that were my downfall. My legs shook with one rotation, and I gasped, one
hand going to my head at the intensity this new manner of touch created. I needed that, and more, now.
"Please, Edward, just like that, faster, please," I begged, paying no heed to how desperate I sounded.
Edward followed my instructions, repeating the motions while quickening his pace, adding even more
pressure as he did so.
I didn't last long, my climax overtaking me without warning. It didn't seem real, this ecstasy that was so
intense, yet so fulfilling, that I couldn't force myself to shy away from it. I sunk, boneless, back onto the bed.
Edward removed his hand and moved next to me, nuzzling my neck. I was tired and content, and rolled
over to embrace Edward in this fantasy of calm I was now living in. He kissed me gently, so soft and caring,
that I didn't want to come down from this high, didn't want to leave this world. Edward was holding me,
rocking me against him, and I sighed into his skin.
"I love you," I said.
The rocking stopped as Edward froze up against me, and with those three words, reality came crashing
back.

~*~

Chapter Twenty-Seven ~ Love

EPOV
Everything had gone wrong. In the time that it took for Bella to say three words, everything had changed
and shifted dramatically.

"Edward? Are you okay?"

"Yes Alice, I am fine," I said for the third time, annoyed that she had interrupted me yet again while I was
attempting to organize my thoughts. Now I would have to begin again.
I had been impressed that, despite my inability to touch Bella's body directly, I had managed to give her an
orgasm. I had researched before-hand, with a little guidance from Emmett, and although most of the
information was contradictory and confusing, I did manage to gain some insight.
I couldn't interpret facial expressions or physical gestures that would help indicate what Bella wished me
to do, or if she was enjoying herself. Luckily, Bella had been rather vocal, so I was successful. I had been
pleased with myself that I had managed to complete my task effectively, without anything going wrong.
Her words were not an appropriate reaction. At least, I didn't believe so. Was it normal to declare love for a
person once they had given you an orgasm? I had read no information telling me so and I couldn't imagine
that it was.
I would have assumed that thanking me would be more appropriate, but apparently this was not so. The
numbers had failed me as Bella had spoken those words, and I had no idea how to respond to her. I was
relieved when she said that she was tired, and got up to get changed and ready for bed. I decided to ignore
her declaration of love, as it didn't make any sense.
It had taken me five days to realize it, but a pattern had emerged. Bella stopped hugging me. We would both
complete our evening routines, and then Bella would turn on her side and go to sleep. She didn't touch me
and faced away from me. Any physical contact we had was due to my need for it, not hers.
I had now concluded that this wasn't a good sign, as it meant things had changed and I didn't like change,
especially when it was seemingly without reason. Bella always hugged me, always held my hand and
always kissed me. I didn't understand why she had suddenly decided not to display any sign of physical
affection.
After much deliberation, I traced the pattern of events back to our weekend together, and since Bella saying
she loved me was the only abnormality, I assumed that was the event her behavior stemmed from.
Usually when I discovered the answer, it solved the problem. However, this time it did not. I must have
missed out on a crucial part of the equation. I didn't want to ask Alice or Emmett about this, as I was still
not entirely sure what the issue was, thus I wouldn't be able to explain the situation to them fully. They
would only be able to help me once I had all the facts.
"I need to talk to Bella," I said out loud to myself.
"What about?" Alice asked, walking across the kitchen and taking a seat at the table next to me.
"Why she is acting abnormally," I replied. Alice didn't move for seven seconds, which was rather odd
behavior for her. She then leaned forward, resting her chin on top of her clasped hands.
"I don't think using the word 'abnormal' would be appropriate, Edward. I think that Bella would be hurt by
that."
I sighed, feeling frustrated that once again I had managed to do something wrong when I was simply stating

facts. I struggled with the words for a moment, trying to recall a synonym that I could use. I wished that
words were as clear as numbers.
"Bella is acting out of sorts?" I said cautiously.
Alice smiled. "That's a better way of expressing it, yes. Do you know why she's acting differently?" she
asked.
"I am not entirely sure. I need to speak to her about it. I have a theory, but it is only in its basic stages. I am a
little confused and need Bella to help me figure it out. I am going to talk to her this evening," I said.
"That's probably a good idea, Edward. I know you and Bella are meant to be together, so I have faith that
you will sort this out."
"Alice, people are not meant to be together. Bella and I are just compatible in interests and personality," I
corrected. There was nothing except for Bella and myself that drove our relationship.
Alice said nothing in reply to my correction, instead shaking her head and wishing me a good day before
leaving the house. I continued with my morning routine, eager to see Bella later and sort out what was
troubling her.
"Hi, Edward," Bella said in greeting, smiling and waving as she walked toward me.
"Hi My Bella," I said back as she stopped in front of me, but made no move to come any closer. I felt sad and
annoyed as to how she was treating me. I was her boyfriend, but she wouldn't come near me. I knew that in
order for a relationship to be successful, there had to be balance. In our relationship, the balance had been
thrown off-kilter, and it had to be returned.
"Bella I need to talk to you. Would you please come for a walk with me?" I asked.
It took Bella ten seconds to reply, and when she spoke; her voice was quieter than normal.
"Is everything okay?"
"I don't know," I replied, "that's why we need to talk."
Bella didn't say anything further; she simply followed me as I walked to the park that we had been to twice
before. I lead us to the swing-set, where I sat down and looked up at her.
"Why won't you touch me?" I asked.
"What?" Bella said, her cheeks turning red at my question.
"You don't hold my hand anymore. I have to hug you or I can't be close to you. You don't try and kiss me
anymore. This isn't your normal behavior and I don't like it. You've never acted like this before," I
explained.
Bella was silent for a moment. She slowly walked forward and sat down on the seat next to me. Slowly, she
reached out a hand and knotted our fingers together.

"I'm sorry, Edward. I didn't realize what I was doing. I guess after... what I said over the weekend, I was
nervous. I pulled away from you, since I didn't know what to do," she said.
I smiled at her, squeezing our fingers. While I wasn't sure why she had been so nervous, I knew that I
needed to reassure her.
"It's okay, My Bella. I ignored what you said last weekend, so there is no need to be nervous," I said.
Silence was my only answer, but I didn't mind since everything had been settled between us. I was
therefore surprised when Bella suddenly wrenched her hand from mine.
"You dismissed what I said?"
I looked at her, my eyes focusing just above her head.
"It made no sense for you to say you loved me. It didn't fit with the situation so there was no reason for you
to say it. It was irrelevant," I said.
"You think my feelings for you are irrelevant?"
I cringed at the volume of her tone, and I leaned away from her, dropping my eyes to the floor. I didn't
know what to do. I didn't understand this emotion that she was speaking of. The numbers in my head had
no sequence for love. People were happy when they smiled, sad when they cried, angry when they raised
their voice. It's what I'd been taught. Romantic love was not something I knew how to recognize, nor how
to respond to. I didn't even know if I could ever comprehend it. All accounts I had read stressed its varied
and complex nature. I didn't know what to do, and Bella was waiting for an answer.
"I... I don't think they are irrelevant. I don't think anything about you is irrelevant, My Bella," I said slowly,
trying to force my mind to make the calculations so that I could produce the correct answer. I came up with
nothing.
I dropped my head in my hands, wishing that my head would stop hurting. "I don't understand..." I said,
nothing connecting in my mind.
I didn't want to say the wrong thing and make Bella angry or upset, so I opted to say nothing while I tried to
make my thoughts connect. The silence continued, but I was too confused and hesitant to break it. I rocked
on the swing, hoping that the motion would soothe me as I tried to make everything go back to how it
should be.
After two minutes and forty-one seconds, I heard Bella sigh.
"I know, Edward. It's okay," she said.
But that was the problem. It wasn't "okay" anymore.
Talking with Bella hadn't helped, and I was left in complete confusion as to how to progress from here. Our
relationship was unbalanced, and Bella was still acting strangely. I lay back on my bed, closed my eyes and
attempted to collect my thoughts.
Bella loved me. That was the fact I had to work with. I didn't know what was expected of me, or how I was

supposed to reply to this. I liked Bella. She was interesting, intelligent and compatible with me. I liked
spending time with her. That was why I had decided that we would work as a couple. I had been right in my
theory, as until now I had been content with our relationship, and Bella had expressed no dissatisfaction
with it.
As I pondered this, I realized that since we had started our relationship, there were other things that I had
to add to the list of reasons for our compatibility. She understood what I needed, often without me having
to tell her. She was the first person I went to when I was confused about something, and she always went
out of her way to explain things that I didn't understand. I... I needed her.
I frowned as the realization hit me. I needed My Bella. I needed her hand in mine. I needed the calm that her
touch brought me, and I needed her in my routine. If I didn't see her for an appropriate amount of time each
week, then everything felt wrong. I missed her constantly, and time moved slowly when she was not
around. She was part of my routine now, an unmovable fixture. She was as essential as playing the piano or
working on my master's degree. Yet it was... different with Bella.
I rose from the bed, and began pacing, ten steps one way before turning and taking another ten steps back.
This calmed me, and I allowed my thoughts to continue in their natural progression.
If I didn't see My Bella, it was more difficult for me than if I wasn't able to eat on time, or practice my piano.
Until I met Bella, my schedule had been rigid. It rarely deviated, and if I was forced to alter it, I would feel
uncomfortable and often couldn't accomplish my tasks due to the unfamiliarity.
Yet for Bella, I would alter and subvert everything in my day. She was my new special interest, my
obsession, the center of all that I did. I based my routine around My Bella. I couldn't imagine my life without
her, and I didn't want to. It wouldn't make sense; the numbers had no answer for that. We both formed half
of the equation; the answer demanded that we be together. It was the only way anything made sense.
I stopped in my pacing, deciding that I had to summarize all of the information I had collected.
Bella and I made a good functioning couple, but our relationship had somehow shifted since we'd been
together. I now depended upon her for comfort. My routine and life were focused upon her, and I didn't
want that to change. I had become obsessive with Bella, about her place in my life and about her in general.
She was important. No, she was essential to me, therefore...
I froze, the calculations adding up and further information clicking into place from previous sources. I
counted to fifteen as I re-processed the information, just to make sure I was correct. Finding no other
answer, I smiled.
"I love her," I said into the empty room.
I had stumbled through my evening routine, continuously contemplating what I had just discovered. I loved
Bella. It all made sense now. However, I didn't yet know what to do with this information. It was
aggravating, having all the information but not being able to put it to use.
"Edward, is everything alright?" Esme asked.
I shook my head. "No, I am confused," I replied.
"About what?"

"I've discovered that I love Bella, but I don't know what to do with this discovery," I explained.
Esme said nothing, yet walked forward, dragging a chair out of its usual place and sitting in front of me. I
tried to ignore that the table was now incredibly unbalanced with the chair out of place.
"Edward, please look at me," she said.
I steeled myself, just in case her eyes decided to try and speak to me. I worked my way up her face until I
finally reached them.
"Are you sure you love Bella?" she asked.
I resisted the urge to get annoyed, as I obviously wouldn't have said as such if I wasn't sure. Instead, I
decided it would be better to explain in full how I had reached this conclusion.
"Yes, I am sure. I need Bella. She is the focal point of my routine. I miss her when she isn't here and need her
to be a part of my life. I love her," I said.
Esme closed her eyes, turning away from me for a moment. I thought this was a strange reaction, yet it
meant that I didn't have to worry about her eyes any longer, so that made me happy.
"You really do, don't you?" she said, still not looking at me.
"Yes, that is why I said it," I replied, now beginning to feel annoyed.
Esme was quiet for another twenty-six seconds, then she turned back to face me.
"If you love her Edward, then I think you should tell her," she said.
"I realize that, but I am not sure if she would appreciate me telling her," I said.
"Why would you think that?"
"She told me previously that she loved me, and she has been acting 'out of sorts' ever since," I explained,
remembering to use the term that Alice said was better than the word "abnormal".
"Okay. What did you say when Bella told you she loved you?" Esme asked.
"I didn't say anything. It didn't fit with the situation, so I dismissed it. Now I believe I've upset her," I
admitted.
Esme paused for twelve seconds, and then leaned forward to study me further. I squirmed under her stare,
disliking how closely she was studying me.
"Edward, falling in love with someone is not something to be taken lightly. By telling someone you love
them, it expresses something very personal. That person is showing a great level of trust by giving you a
very important part of them, and if they aren't sure how the other person is going to respond, it can be
quite nerve-wracking when they make the confession," she said.

I sat silently, absorbing the information that Esme had given me. She was explaining everything clearly, and
as she knew more about love than I did, I believed in her words. I felt the panic rise within me as their
meaning became clear.
"I broke Bella's trust. I made her upset. I failed her," I said.
"No, Edward, you haven't failed her. You didn't mean to upset her, you just needed time to process
everything and figure out what you needed to do. Bella will understand that once you explain it to her," she
said, offering me a smile.
"I need to tell her I love her, and make everything right. I need to make up for hurting her feelings," I said.
Esme stood up, took the chair and placed it back in its correct position, and then began organizing the
ingredients for our dinner, leaving me to contemplate what I would do next.
"I'm not sure how to make it up to her," I said, "I need to cancel out what I did, but I believe that I really
hurt Bella, so I believe I need to do more than just give her flowers like I did last time."
Esme turned around to face me. "I'm afraid I can't help you there, son. I really wish that I could, but it's
something you have to figure out for yourself."
Something in the back of my mind caused the numbers to flow rapidly at her words. As the numbers began
to connect, an idea formed in my mind. I quickly stood and raced from the room, up the eighteen stairs and
across the hall to Alice's room. I halted at her door and knocked three times, asking permission to enter.
Alice opened the door within five seconds.
"Hey Edward, what can I do for you?" she asked.
"I need your help with something, so I was wondering if you had any time free in your schedule between
now and dinner," I said.
"I don't know, Edward, I've got some reading to do... what do you need my help with?" she asked.
"I discovered that I'm in love with Bella, and I need to tell her so. She has already said she is in love with me
and I dismissed it, which hurt her feelings. I need to make reparations for this. I had an idea, but I need to
go and buy a few things and will need some help with my plan," I explained.
Alice's eyes grew wide, and I immediately looked away.
"Bella loves you? And you love Bella?"
"Yes, I just said that," I replied, wondering why I was constantly having to repeat myself today.
"Screw Ethics, this is way more important. I'll grab my coat and shoes, and I'll meet you downstairs okay?"
"Thank you, Alice, I really appreciate it," I said, turning away and walking to my own room to retrieve my
shoes.
"This is kinda fun," Rosalie said from the floor.

"I'm glad you are enjoying yourself. Thank you for helping me. I know that I am supposed to do this by
myself, but it is far more efficient if we all participate," I said, looking down at her from my bed.
"It's no problem, Edward, we're happy to help," she said with a smile as she continued with what she was
doing.
Once Alice and I had returned from buying what I needed, it had been time for dinner.
During dinner, I told to Dr. Cullen about the situation with Bella, and asked him and Esme if it would be
okay if she could stay over the following evening. I also explained what I had planned for her if they were to
grant their permission, and after receiving all of the information, they allowed my request, providing that
Bella's father was equally willing and that Esme could speak to Bella privately.
Having received permission to continue with my idea, I then asked if Rosalie and Emmett would help Alice
and me with the preparations. They had agreed, and the four of us had now been in my room for an hour,
Alice entertaining us by looking up logical puzzles on the internet and seeing who could provide the correct
answer the fastest. I was winning.
"Emmett, what the hell is that?" Alice cried suddenly, bursting into laughter and pointing.
"Shut up Alice, I'm helping," he said.
"Honey, that's not helping," Rosalie replied.
"It's hindering. That is not acceptable. Please throw it away and begin again," I said.
Rosalie and Alice laughed, as Emmett dropped his head into his hands. Alice turned back to the computer
screen.
"Okay, I've got another one! You are a cowboy, and you and two of your friends are in love with the same
woman. The only way to decide who wins her is for the three of you to fight, and the last one standing
wins," she explained, turning around to make sure that we were all listening.
"Okay..." Rosalie said.
Alice turned back to the screen. "Each of you has only one bullet. One of your friends has a shooting
accuracy of ninety percent. The other one, sixty percent. Yours is only ten percent. Who do you shoot?"
It took me thirty three seconds to calculate the answer.
"I would say the one with ninety percent, but that seems too easy," Rosalie said.
"Yeah, me too," Emmett stated.
"Edward?" Alice asked.
"You misfire. It is only logical that the two better shooters will aim for one another and not bother with you.
Your best chance of survival would be to hope that they kill each other off. With a ninety percent chance of
you missing the target, there is no use in trying to kill the others," I replied.

"Right again!"
I smiled, going back to my previous task. There was still a lot of preparation needed before tomorrow, and
with Emmett being incapable of the task, we had less time to complete everything.
Even so, I had something important I needed to do.
"Please excuse me for a moment. I need to call Bella and let her know what time she needs to be here
tomorrow," I said.
"Okay. This is a wonderful idea, Edward. She's going to love it," Alice said.
"I am glad you think so," I replied as I left the room. I hoped that she was correct. I would find out
tomorrow.

~*~

Chapter Twenty-Eight ~ The Right Way

BPOV
I couldn't believe how stupid I'd been. My filter was not something I usually had to worry about. My
training had taught me what was, and wasn't, appropriate to say in most situations. Now I had ruined
everything, all because I couldn't keep my emotions in check.
I couldn't retract what I'd said, so I opted for pretending there was nothing wrong. Edward seemed fine
with this, equally pleased to just forget it. Yet there was something about that which bothered me. In the
back of my mind, I knew that part of me wished he had responded. It wasn't a ridiculous wish, to have my
feelings reciprocated, but I had handled everything in the worst way possible. I knew it was possible
Edward felt the same way I did, but I should have spoken to him about it rather than just blurting it out.
I felt embarrassed and stupid. The mortification only increased each time I remembered what I'd done.
Every time I saw Edward during the week I felt the embarrassment all over again and found myself shying
away from him. Suddenly, I doubted myself in all areas and I was hesitant in everything I did.
I was also hurt that he hadn't responded in any way, even to acknowledge what I said, and that only
increased my desire to put some distance between us. The most logical and practical thing would have been
to simply talk to Edward, but my fear and hurt prevented me from doing that.
Edward finally broke through my wall, confronting me about my actions. I felt so guilty when he asked me
why I'd been pushing him away. I tried to explain it in the best way I knew how and waited for his reaction.
I was stunned when he said my feelings were irrelevant.
That cut me deeper than I could have anticipated. I had confessed my feelings for him, told him I loved him
and he had simply dismissed it, as if it didn't matter and I reacted in anger.

When I was finally able to look at situation realistically, I realized he was confused and didn't know what to
do. I chastised myself for once again not handling the situation correctly.
Now, I was sitting downstairs, staring at some sporting event Charlie was watching, in a desperate attempt
to keep myself from thinking too much. The situation with Edward was strained, and I needed to figure out
a way to make things right. I also needed the time to cool off, so that my hurt was not as raw as it was right
now. I didn't want to lose my temper with him again.
I jumped as the phone rang, tearing me from my trance. Charlie didn't even blink, and I shook my head in
amusement as I stood and made my way to the phone. Nothing came in-between my father and his sports.
"Hello?" I said, picking up the phone and taking a seat on the stairs.
"Bella? This is Edward calling."
I almost dropped the phone in shock. Edward had never contacted me at home before. His dislike of harsh
noises made him wary of telephones altogether. He only used them when there were no other alternatives.
"Hi, Edward," I said, my voice sounding shrill to my own ears.
"I hope you are having a pleasant evening, My Bella," he said, causing me to smile. Then it quickly dimmed
when I recalled the strained state of our relationship was currently in.
"It's good so far, Edward. Thank you for asking," I said softly.
"That's good to hear. I am calling to invite you to have dinner and stay at my house for our date night
tomorrow. That is, if your father agrees and if Esme can speak to you before-hand?"
"Esme... wants to talk to me?" I repeated slowly, feeling slightly ill at the idea. I was still somewhat unsure
about her, and did not relish the thought of speaking to her one-on-one again, considering the outcome of
our last private conversation.
"Yes, Bella, I just told you that."
I knew it was important for Edward to know to get his plans in order, so I told him to hold on while I asked
Charlie. Well, not really "ask". Edward's sense of protocol wished me to ask for permission from my father,
but I was simply going to tell him what my plans were. I was a grown woman, not some teenager asking
dad if she could borrow the car.
"Dad?" I called, raising my voice above the drone of the television.
Charlie grunted, keeping his eye on the game as he turned down the volume, only wrenching them away at
the last possible moment.
"Yes, Bells?"
"I'm going to see Edward tomorrow evening. I'll be staying the night, but I'll be back in time for dinner the
next day," I explained.
Charlie stared at me impassively for too long, making me fidget under his scrutiny. He sometimes made me

feel like that teenager. After a few minutes, he sighed.

"If you're spending so much time with that boy, don't you think you should have him over for dinner soon?"
he said, before turning returning his attention to the game. I smiled, shaking my head at his stubborn
nature.
"Thanks dad," I replied.
Charlie grunted, but it didn't devalue his sentiments. He really was trying to overcome his initial
impressions of Edward, something that was incredibly difficult for him. Charlie was a man who believed
strongly in first impressions; I had never seen him change his mind about someone.
Feeling lighter than I had in days, I returned to the hallway to confirm my attendance to Edward.
Did I do this right?
"Yes, Tommy, you did. Now, start on this one and see how far you can get by yourself," I said.
Tommy frowned, looking disgruntled. His parents were trying a new method with him. If he was addressed
vocally, he would have to reply in kind. They had asked us to continue it in classroom, and although he
often chose to ignore us, it was working.
"Yesh Bella," he replied, a slight lisp forming as he spoke.
I stayed with him for the remaining hour until class finished. Once we had cleared the classroom, Angela
and I headed to our cars and drove into Seattle. Since I would be going to Edward's house in a few hours,
there was not enough time to go back home, so Angela and I had decided to spend the afternoon together.
"You're terrified aren't you?" Angela said with a laugh as I absently shredded my napkin.
"Not terrified. Well, okay maybe a little. Esme does scare the crap out of me. I'm just nervous about
everything. Things with Edward have been off all week, and I'm not sure if whatever he has planned tonight
will change it.
Yet at the same time I don't want to ruin his plans, it seems like he's put a lot of effort into it. Add to that the
conversation with Esme and... yeah, okay, I'm terrified," I admitted, as Angela collapsed into laughter at the
stream of words that just came from my mouth.
"Bella, calm down. Yes, you and Edward definitely need to talk, but enjoy whatever he has planned for you.
Stop worrying about Esme. If she's allowing you to stay the night, then it can't be all that bad," she said.
I nodded, recognizing the sense in her words. Esme hadn't been as mean recently, but I couldn't stop
worrying about what she had to say to me.
"So, I hear you're turning twenty-one soon," Angela said slyly, smirking at me.
"I hate Alice," I responded, and the conversation swiftly changed topics, yet I couldn't quite shift the nerves
regarding what was to come.
"Good evening, Bella."

"Good evening, Esme. Thank you for letting me come here tonight," I said as she gestured to the seat on the
opposite side of the desk.
She had answered the door upon my arrival, and had led me straight to Carlisle's office without a word. If
she was trying to intimidate me, it was certainly working. I felt like a child in the principal's office. It was
ridiculous how unnerving she could be. Esme observed me stonily for a few seconds before she spoke.
"I'll just get right to it. I've been looking after my son for twenty years, Bella. He's my world. That doesn't
mean I don't love and cherish Alice and Emmett, but Edward needed me a great deal more than they did.
You see him now, after years of help and diagnosis. He wasn't always like this. I've seen him cry until he
was sick, stop eating for days at a time and have the rest of the world turn its back on him. He's been
through a lot and deserves nothing more than to be treated with respect and looked at as an equal by
society."
I stayed silent, absorbing her words. I knew that, despite all my experience, I could never understand her
perspective as a mother. While I didn't approve of certain measures she had taken in order to "protect" her
son, I understood that she was using this time to allow me to see through her eyes. I didn't know where she
was going yet, so I simply sat and listened.
"I've been accused of being a terrible mother, of not disciplining my child well enough, of using his medical
condition to cover up my own mistakes as a parent. Edward was diagnosed far quicker than most other
children with AS, but it doesn't mean that I've been spared the accusations.
However, none of it mattered as long as my son got the help he needed. I used my time and energy to make
his life better, to help him be what he is today. I sacrificed my old life, pushed both my husband and my old
career aside, and neglected to see when my daughter needed my help. I know there is a lot I've done wrong,
some things I wish I could change, yet I can't bring myself to regret the decisions I've made in regards to
Edward."
Esme stared at me, as if waiting for me to say something. As the quiet deepened, I swallowed loudly and
spoke.
"I know I can't ever fully understand what you went through, and I know in that respect I don't have the
right to judge your actions. I didn't know Edward as a child, and I didn't see his progress after his diagnosis.
All I see is the man I know now. He's intelligent, well-mannered, and one of the most caring people I've ever
met," I said, leaning forward as I spoke.
I paused, closing my eyes for a moment to collect myself. I couldn't believe what I was about to say, but I
knew that I had to.
"Yet he has so much more potential. By doing what you saw fit to protect him, you didn't allowed him the
opportunity to acclimate with society. He's locked up in this house all the time. He studies here, has lessons
here, eats here, and sleeps here. He has no life away from his house.
He doesn't know anyone apart from his close family, and not by his choice, but yours. You even admitted
that when you first found out Edward and I were friends, you disapproved. Of course, your disapproval
only intensified when you found out we were together. It's not fair for you to restrict him so much. It's not
doing him any good," I finished, my voice holding more conviction than I had. I was glad I was sitting, so

that my knees didn't shake.

Esme closed her eyes, inhaling as she did. I braced myself, ready for the onslaught, but was surprised by her
hushed tone.
"When it was recommended that Edward leave Meadow View, I was so scared, but also happy. I knew that
it would be difficult for him, being used to one environment, then moving to a school that would cater to his
needs, but not specialize in them. I also knew that he would probably face a level of scorn from his peers.
Children are cruel to anyone who stands out, but I could see how far he'd come, and wanted to do what was
right."
She paused for a moment, and then raised her eyes, staring directly at me.
"Then Emmett brought a group of his friend's home after school one day. I was downstairs, and they were
upstairs and they..." she broke off, closing her eyes and looking away. Before I could question her further,
she composed herself, looking right back at me again.
"They were his brother's friends, Bella. They barely knew him. I couldn't subject my little boy to years or
torment from kids he would have to see five days a week for seven years. So I didn't let him go to school. I
taught him myself for a year, and then found the best tutors I could.
In the back of my mind, I think I knew I was taking something from him, but to me, the good outweighed
the bad. I was still protecting him. If he was at home, I could make sure that he would never have to go
through something like that again due to his AS."
Her voice was shaking as she finished speaking, both with conviction and pain. It hurt me to know that
something had happened to Edward as a child, something that had obviously pained the two of them so
much that Esme couldn't bear to send him to school. My mind shied away from the possibilities. The
thought of Edward being in any kind of pain was unbearable to me.
"I realize that I may have... judged you and your relationship with Edward pre-maturely," Esme began,
drawing my attention back to her, "I see the way you are together, and I hear the way that he talks about
you. All I have ever wanted was for my son to be happy. If being with you makes him happy, then I won't
stand in his way," she said firmly, leaning back in her chair.
"Th-thank you," I stuttered, stunned that she had come to this conclusion. While Esme was hardly jumping
up and down in celebration, I could never have envisioned her ever being the least bit supportive.
She smiled at me, baring her teeth in a way that had me shivering,
"Let me make myself clear, Bella. I am doing this for my son's happiness. Nothing else matters," she said,
her smile fixed in place.
I nodded slowly, offering her a nervous smile in return. Her message was loud and clear: Don't make my
son unhappy or I will eat you alive.
After my conversation with Esme, I needed a moment to compose myself. She had informed me that
Edward was waiting for me in the kitchen, so I went to stand in the hallway. After a few minutes, I felt a
little steadier and walked into the kitchen. I paused in the doorway, smiling as the sight of Edward's
ordered method of cooking greeted me. Everything was laid out in what I assumed would be the order the

ingredients would be needed.

"Hi, Edward," I said, making myself known. He turned sharply.
"Good evening, Bella," he said, coming forward to greet me as he usually did.
Then he stopped short, hesitating. It instantly felt awkward between us, with Edward keeping his eyes
focused on the ground. I realized quickly that he was waiting for me to do something. Our last face-to-face
interaction had not ended particularly well, and he had already expressed his issues with my lack of
contact. So I moved forward slowly, wrapping my arms around him as I had always done. Edward tensed
initially, but relaxed after a few moments, holding me close in return.
"I missed you," he said as he began rocking me slowly. I gripped him a little tighter.
"I missed you too, Edward," I said, before breaking away from him reluctantly. Edward didn't drop his
hands from around my waist. He seemed to need the closeness, and I wasn't willing to be too far from him
either. I peered over his shoulder before looking back at him.
"So, what are we eating?" I asked.
"I will be making chicken stir-fry. However, before I do, I have something that I need to show you," he said,
suddenly moving out of our embrace and taking my hand.
"Show me what?" I asked as Edward led me by the hand out of the kitchen and towards the stairs.
"Bella, it is important that I show you this, rather than tell you. You don't have long to wait, so please be
patient," he said.
I smiled, shaking my head. I had missed moments like this.
He led me upstairs and to his room. Although I was beyond curious as to what was so important that he
needed to show me before our scheduled dinner, I said nothing as he opened the door.
I gasped at the flurry of color that met my eyes. I dropped Edward's hand in shock as I slowly moved
forward, taking in my surroundings. The entire room was covered in roses, but they weren't wooden like
his previous gift to me. I walked to the bed and picked one up.
"Paper..." I whispered, as I traced the folds of it carefully.
"It's origami, actually."
I turned with the origami rose still in hand, as Edward closed the door and walked towards me.
"In Japan, they have a legend that states f a person is able to make a thousand origami cranes then they will
be granted one wish. The idea that a wish can come true by folding paper is ridiculous, but they are also
given as a symbol of wishing happiness and prosperity on a couple. I want us to have happiness and
prosperity for as long as we are together. I always give you roses, so I made you roses instead of cranes," he
explained.
I stood frozen amidst the brightly-colored paper, the rose still in my hand as Edward came to a stop in front

of me. He leaned forward and kissed my forehead before leaning his head against mine.
"I wanted to show you how I feel about you. It took me a while to understand exactly what I was feeling. I
hate being apart from you, My Bella. You are the most important thing in my life. I contemplated many
factors, about how my feelings towards you have changed since we first became a couple and I know now
that I love you. I love you, My Bella," he said, smiling as he spoke.
This was too much. It was unbelievable, the lengths that Edward had gone to show me his love for me. I ran
to him, overwhelmed and lightheaded. "I am sorry that I couldn't tell you before but I couldn't identify what
I was feeling until now. I'm sorry that I upset you, My Bella," he said to me.
I drew back, swatting at my watering eyes.
"You don't need to apologize. I should have talked to you about my feelings rather than just blurting out
what I said."
"Yes, you should have, however it is for the best because it helped me realize how I felt about you, so the
result was worth it," he replied.
Edward suddenly stilled, his body locking in my arms. A spike of worry hit me, but before I could ask what
was wrong, Edward shifted his head, moving his gaze to look me straight in the eye.
"I love you," he said, maintaining eye contact the entire time.
I couldn't hear anything. I couldn't feel my body. Nor was I even aware of anything apart from Edward.
"I love you too," I said, instantly, making sure I replied before he lowered his gaze.
It didn't matter to me that as soon as the words were out of my mouth, his eyes shifted to the side and he
sighed in relief. I lifted my hands to his hair, pulling him to me and kissing him. I kissed him slowly and
deeply for as long as I could, before I leaned head against his chest.
"You really made me a thousand roses?" I murmured, feeling more content and cared for than I could
remember.
"Well, I made the majority. It wasn't feasible for me to make them all in the time-frame given. Alice and
Rosalie helped me. Emmett attempted to but he wasn't able to make them to a good enough standard."
I laughed, imagining the scene in my mind.
"I made you one hundred in each color, so they are all equal. Do you like them, My Bella?" Edward asked.
I looked up, then tilted my head and kissed him again.
"I do. Thank you, Edward, for all of this," I said.
"It was my pleasure, Bella. I needed to make up for hurting you, and show you how much you mean to me. I
am glad that you like it," he said.
I more than liked it. I couldn't explain to Edward in words exactly what I was feeling at this moment.

Edward loved me. He had not only said it with words, but shown it undeniably through his actions. He
loved me. That was all my mind could focus on as he rocked us slowly in the center of his room.

~*~

Chapter Twenty-Nine ~ Progress

BPOV
"So what do you want to do? I was thinking that we should go to this new club in town, it's supposed to be
the best..."
"No clubs," I said with a sigh, causing Alice to glare at me from across the table.
"Bella, you've said no to everything I've suggested. It's your twenty-first birthday and I'm not letting you sit
home alone like an old woman!" she cried, banging her fist on the table for emphasis.
Out of the corner of my eye I saw Emmett shaking with laughter. I glared at his back, un-amused by the
situation. With only a few days left until my birthday, Alice was determined to become the party planner.
"I didn't say I wanted to stay at home, Alice. I just don't want to do anything too extravagant. I want to
spend the night with my close friends and my boyfriend. I don't want to go to a club where we can't talk,
and Edward wouldn't be able to go. You know I just want to do something small."
Alice rolled her eyes but I knew she was giving in. Her way of showing affection was to pull out all the
stops. That just wasn't me.
"Fine, we'll do dinner, but we are taking you somewhere afterward, even if it's just a bar. You can't not have
a drink on your twenty-first," Alice whined.
Satisfied with this, I nodded, and we went back to working on our Ethics assignments. Alice was slowly
getting the hang of the class, as her confidence in her own abilities grew stronger. I managed to find three
more relevant quotations before my mind began to wander.
Edward was behind schedule today, and was currently still practicing his piano. He had been apologetic
and extremely strung-out when I had arrived after work because his whole day had been thrown off by his
tutor's car breaking down in the morning. He was determined that we spend time together today, even if it
was only for a short while. I had been patient for almost an hour now, and I was getting worried that I
would have to leave before I could see him.
"Bella, why don't you just stay over?" Emmett suggested, taking the seat next to me.
Alice looked up from her laptop and grinned. "That's a good idea. We've got more than enough food to feed
you, plus it means you get to sleep in tomorrow. Charlie's on the night shift, so you'll only be going home to
an empty house," she urged.
I hesitated, feeling torn. While spending the night with Edward would be wonderful, I didn't want to
intrude and overstay my welcome. Plus, I wasn't sure what Esme would think of the idea. I had been

tiptoeing around her since our talk, having small conversations when I happened to cross her. I was
treading lightly as I didn't want to upset what common ground we had gained.
"Bella, it'll be fine. Dad's on the nightshift and mom is going out for most of the evening," Alice said, shaking
her head. I guess we could add "mind reader" to her list of attributes.
As per usual, Alice's instincts were correct. Esme hurried in twenty minutes later, looking rushed and
stressed. She greeted us all absently, announcing that she was already late. I managed to catch her before
she left, Alice hovering by and adding in snippets of information when she felt it was needed. Esme
hesitated for a moment before relenting, giving me a long look before rushing away. I internally rejoiced
that she was living up to her word and not interfering with our relationship.
Alice and I continued to study and chat for a few minutes until Edward emerged. He automatically crossed
the room to where I was sitting and hugged me from behind.
"Thank you for waiting, My Bella," he said, kissing my cheek as he did. I smiled, ignoring Alice who was
making faces during our interaction. Edward and I had become closer during the past few weeks, causing
Alice and Rosalie to remark on how "sickeningly sweet" we had become.
It was true that our dynamic had changed. While Edward didn't tell me he loved me very often, he showed
me constantly. It was in the little things he did, like meeting me at work instead of waiting for me to arrive
at his house, allowing me to ask for specific pieces for him to play during his piano practices, and he always
made sure we were connected physically. I didn't mind the comments from Alice and Rose. I was perfectly
content with how we were.
"It's fine. I was actually wondering if it would be okay if I stayed here tonight." I said, knowing it was better
if I asked Edward rather than indicate that this had been arranged without his consent.
"Of course, My Bella. It means I get to spend more time with you, which is always enjoyable," he replied.
"While I hate to break you lovers up, dinner's almost done and I need you to get this crap off the table,"
Emmett said, gesturing to our books and notes. While Edward scolded him for his inappropriate use of
language, Alice and I cleared everything away and set the table.
Emmett, like Alice, was a good cook, although he confessed that he'd learned to cook in order to impress
Rosalie early on in their relationship. Though he refused to answer when Alice questioned whether or not
he was using us as guinea pigs for his chicken casserole.
All through dinner Edward maintained contact with me by keeping his hand on my knee. I knew it was a
sweet gesture, but my mind and body couldn't help but react. We hadn't moved much further in our
physical relationship, both of us keeping our clothing on our lower halves. Edward had admitted that he
was unnerved by the idea of bodily fluids, so I had allowed him to set the pace. Initially he had been wary of
me touching him at all, and my lack of confidence in my actions didn't help. I had to let him take the lead
and guide me, but I also had to know when he was being pushed to his limits or when he was simply
nervous. While Edward seemed comfortable with how we were progressing, I needed more. I felt guilty for
wishing that Edward would hurry in his acclimation, but I couldn't help it. Just being near him without
touching him was difficult, and I had no control over my wants once he kissed me.
"Bella, are you finished? You haven't touched your food for seven minutes and twelve seconds, and you've
been silent for four minutes and twenty nine seconds."

I couldn't help but smile.

"Sorry, yes I'm finished too," I said, but before I could pick up my plate, Emmett stopped me, telling me to
sit back down. Edward tried to help, but once Emmett told him it wasn't necessary, he returned to his seat
and grabbed my hand.
"My Bella, I'm concerned that you didn't eat enough. Is there anything else you would like?" he asked. I
leaned forward and kissed his cheek once, and Edward took the opportunity to wind his arm around my
waist and hold me closer.
"I'm fine Edward, I've had enough," I assured him as he turned his attention to a piece of stray hair that had
fallen out of my hair band. He didn't speak to me for several moments as he obsessively stared at the piece
of hair, feeling its texture change as he moved it. I sighed but kept quiet and let him continue. After a while
he seemed sated, and he placed it down carefully.
"What would you like to do with the rest of the evening, My Bella? I have kept you waiting so I think you
should choose our activity."
I contemplated for a moment, not really feeling in the mood to do anything too active.
"I'm really tired, plus I need to be up early for class, so maybe we should just watch something? Or maybe
you can play me the new piece you've been working on," I suggested.
"I would be more than happy to play for you, My Bella," Edward replied, standing and offering me his hand.
I took it and rose from the chair, allowing Edward to lead us to the music room.
"What time does your father want me to arrive for dinner on Saturday?" Edward asked as we walked.
The familiar nerves arose when there was any mention of the upcoming dinner. Charlie had been
surprisingly forceful in his insistence that I bring Edward over. Although I knew that he didn't disapprove
of Edward as strongly as he had at first, I wasn't sure what he truly felt about him now. Charlie had simply
stated that he trusted my judgement, not that he had changed his feelings. I knew that something must have
shifted in order to make him even invite Edward over. I just hoped that Charlie wouldn't say anything like
he did before our first date.
"He finishes at six, so dinner should be ready at seven. Is that okay with you?" I asked.
"Of course, My Bella. That will work out well," he replied as we walked into the music room. I pushed my
worries aside as I took my seat next to him at the piano, ready to immerse myself in the music.
"I want to try something."
My heart pounded in my ears as I moved my hand from Edward's hair to his cheek. I'd been so caught up in
kissing him that it had taken me a few moments to figure out that he'd pulled away.
"What do you want to try?" I asked, my voice breathy as I tried to calm down.
Edward leaned forward and kissed me, the urgency that had been there just moments ago now replaced by
hesitancy. I allowed him to set the pace, kissing back just as softly. He finally broke away and stared down

at me, keeping his eyes to the left of my own.

"I want to move forward, My Bella. I think that I am able to try and touch you without clothing. I feel that it
is the next step we must take, and that I am ready if you are. I don't know if it will be successful, since I am
still concerned about bodily fluids, but I know that I need to practice in order to get better. Do you agree,
my Bella?"
I was stunned, not anticipating Edward to say this to me today. A sudden shock wave of nerves hit me. Even
though I'd been craving this for some time, it was another thing completely to hear him say it. I wanted to;
there was no doubt in my mind. I just couldn't help but be somewhat anxious.
I swallowed once, smiling as I replied. "Okay, I want to."
Edward smiled in return, but I had barely enough time to register it before he was kissing me once more.
The kiss was slow and exploring in a way. It seemed he was testing the water, making sure we were both
calm and ready to progress.
It didn't take long before we lost the tentative edge, hands moving rapidly and our kisses becoming messy
and erratic. Eventually Edward's hands slipped under my top, and I shivered as his fingers curled up and
down my spine. He pulled away from me, his hands still attached to my skin.
"May I take it off?" he asked, pulling at the edges. I loved that he still asked my permission every time. It
was his way of making sure I was comfortable.
I nodded, leaning back and allowing him to remove the shirt. Once Edward discarded it, I practically lunged
at him, kissing him before he had a chance to do anything else. He froze for a moment, but I knew it was
from shock. I could now tell when Edward froze because he was uncomfortable and when he was taking a
moment to think. In no time he shifted our weight so he hovered above me, his mouth moving from my lips
down to my neck. I gripped the covers beneath me, trying to stay as quiet as I could and feeling
embarrassed at the sounds I made as his hands and lips explored my body.
Edward slowly inched his hands around my back, his fingers hooking around the clasp of my bra. My
heartbeat escalated, my fear and anticipation growing as he fumbled with the clasp. I suddenly realized he
couldn't open it as stopped and sat up.
"I don't understand how you can undo a bra clasp without looking at it. It seems impossible to me," Edward
said.
I smiled and sat up, and in a sudden bold movement on my part, flicked the clasp open quickly.
"I've had years of practice Edward, it gets easier," I replied as the straps fell a few inches down my arms.
"Will you teach me how?" he asked.
I was thrown for a second; slightly put out that Edward was more intrigued by the mechanisms of my bra
than the fact that I was now almost half naked.
"Umm... sure," I answered.
"Thank you my Bella," Edward replied, then without warning resumed kissing me, as though the

conversation had been brought to a close.

I shivered as Edward's hands investigated every inch of the newly-exposed skin, gently pulling my bra
down my arms and away. He took his time, my anticipation building with every touch as he studied my skin
as if it fascinated him, and he left no inch untouched. As his fingers ghosted from my neck down past my
collar bone, I broke away from his lips, my eyes finding his face. He smiled at me, and then his attention was
drawn back to my skin, his brow wrinkling as he focused.
I closed my eyes and a gasp escaped as his hand touched my breast in a now practiced manner. Edward was
constant in his touches, preferring to stick with what he knew. It didn't bother me particularly, since this
was so new to him that I wanted to make sure he was comfortable before we started changing the routine. I
had no complaints about the predictability of his touch. I just loved the feeling of his hands on my flesh. I
lost myself in the heightened sensations as my eyes closed and my head rested against Edward's.
By the time his hands began moving downwards, my body was on edge, sensitive and more responsive
than I could have imagined. When his hands moved to the button on my jeans, I realized something.
"Edward," I said, drawing his attention and causing him to freeze.
"Yes, My Bella? Is everything okay?" he replied, leaning closer to me.
"Aren't you going to take your... clothes off?" I said, blushing and rushing the last part of the sentence
slightly.
"No, as I am focusing on you. I don't think that I can handle you touching me at the same time," he
explained.
I paused, and then tried to explain. "I just feel a little uncomfortable with you fully clothed while I'm... not," I
finished lamely.
Edward stayed silent for a few seconds before grabbing the hem of his shirt and pulling it over his head.
Then he moved towards me and grazed his lips with mine, his kiss light and far more hesitant than before. I
realized that he was pushing himself, and I raised my hands to his hair, feeling in awe at his determination.
Edward sighed as I ran my fingers through the strands, hopefully calming him as I did.
"Are you all right to continue, my Bella?" he asked.
"As long as you are," I replied honestly.
"I am," he said, and before I had a chance to even think, his hands resumed their path and he began kissing
me once more. The kiss didn't last long however, as Edward became more interested in investigating my
legs. I giggled when he ran his fingers under my knees, gasped when he lightly kissed the tops of my thighs,
and sighed as he simply continued to get to know my body. My nerves slipped away, as Edward's curiosity
and light caresses took over my senses.
My heartbeat accelerated as Edward removed my underwear, his fingers brushing against my heated skin,
providing anticipation and reassurance. I felt slightly strange as he sat back and gazed at me, appraising me
in a way that was a little uncomfortable.
"I love you, My Bella."

His eyes lifted to my face as he spoke, and I smiled, feeling a little more at ease now. I knew that the visual
was exceptionally important to Edward. I was just not used to being studied so carefully. As his hands
moved down my body, I leaned back into the pillows, my eyes closing and my body tensing slightly in
anticipation.
His touch caused a cry to fly from me without control, my body buzzing with each careful stroke of his
finger. My breathing became shallow as Edward became more confident, his fingers moving in circles just
as they had done before. I had thought that the pleasure had been extreme in our previous interactions, but
this was more than I had expected. I felt almost out of control, my legs shaking and twitching
uncontrollably, my voice working of its own accord.
I tensed as Edward pushed a finger inside of me, the sensation a dull hurt as it stretched me. Edward
stopped for a moment, his voice strained as he asked if I was in pain. I shook my head, as it didn't really feel
painful; it was more unfamiliar and slightly uncomfortable. I was surprised at Edward's boldness, thinking
he wouldn't want to risk it. However he strived forward, slowly pushing the one finger in and removing it at
a constant rhythm that after a few moments my hips began to match. I was hot and sweating slightly as the
ache disappeared and the sensations continued to build. It only took one circle of his thumb to send me
over, harder than ever before, my whole body becoming numb in the aftershock.
I opened my eyes lazily, only to force myself up as Edward sat stonily before me. He held his right hand out
in front him, his fingers glistening, and his hand shaking a little.
"Edward, are you..."
Before I could finish the sentence, he had sprung from the bed and ran to the bathroom, slamming the door
shut. As the shower turned on, I groaned, and flung myself back on the bed, throwing an arm over my eyes.
It had been too much.
Tears stung my eyes at the knowledge that something which meant so much to me ended up having an
adverse effect on Edward. I didn't know what to do. I wanted to comfort him, to go to him and see what I
could do, but I would only make things worse by barging in. It would make both of us uncomfortable. He
needed to do what he had to do to set himself right.
I must have contemplated for a while. Before I knew it, the door opened and Edward walked out in a
different pair of pants and a towel around his neck. He automatically came and sat down on the bed, his
hand cupping my cheek.
"I'm sorry I ignored you, My Bella. I became overwhelmed at the volume of your fluids and how aroused I
was, so I had to wash my hand and then relieve myself in order to calm down."
I gulped, my skin heating at Edward's admittance I struggled to get my voice to work since my thoughts
were completely incoherent but to no avail. Instead, I pulled back the covers of the bed and moved aside.
Taking the hint, Edward climbed in next to me, his arms holding my body close. I turned and kissed his
cheek once.
"I understand. Thank you for explaining and for trying something new," I said.
"It's fine, my Bella. I enjoyed it," he said.

"Do you think you would let me... touch you next time?" I asked softly.
Edward hesitated for a moment, and then nodded. "I would like to try that soon."
I yawned, snuggling into his arms, content that Edward was not put-off by what happened.
"I love you," I murmured sleepily. Edward hugged me tighter in response, rocking me as I slowly drifted off
to sleep.
"Bells... I can hear you muttering from the next room," Charlie said, a smirk on his face as he stood in the
doorway of the kitchen.
I narrowed my eyes and turned my attention back to the oven. Everything was just as it had been the last
time I had obsessively checked. I knew I was acting a little neurotic, but I needed this evening to go well. I
had planned dinner so that everything would be done at exactly the right moment, and I hadn't dared to
leave the kitchen once I started. Charlie seemed to think my need for perfection was highly amusing.
"Why are you so worried, Bells?"
I sighed and smiled weakly at him. "I just want everything to go well, dad. Not burning the dinner would be
a good start," I replied, trying to lighten the mood. A strange expression flickered across his face in reply,
but it was soon replaced by an affectionate smile.
"You've never burnt anything in your life, Bells. You started telling me off for leaving cookies in the oven
too long when you were five," he said with a laugh.
I couldn't help but smile at one of my strongest memories from my childhood. I didn't have too many that
involved Charlie, so I guess that's why that one stood out so much. I think it meant a lot to him too,
considering how often he had mentioned it throughout the years.
Our laughter came to an abrupt halt when a knock at the door echoed through the house.
"Edward's here," I said without thinking, my voice an octave higher than usual.
Charlie chuckled and moved out of the doorway.
"Well, go let him in, don't keep him standing out there all night," he said.
I nodded frantically, feeling my composure slowly ebb away. Charlie retreated into the living room with a
shake of his head, leaving me free to practically run to the door. I threw it open with more force than was
necessary.
"My Bella, you'll hurt yourself if you're not careful. There was no reason to open the door like that."
I couldn't help but sigh at the remark, a wave of calm washing over me just due to Edward being here. I felt
better, and even more so when I pulled him close and kissed him in greeting. Securing his hand in mine, I
led him through the house and into the front room, where Charlie was standing at the ready. There was a
tense silence that I was forced to break.
"Dad, this is Edward Cullen, my boyfriend. Edward, this is my dad, Charlie," I said, feeling slightly ridiculous

that I decided to introduce two grown men to each other. Charlie seemed to sense this as his mouth curled
at the edge. However, he didn't get a chance to say anything more because Edward moved forward and
offered his hand to Charlie.
"It's a pleasure to meet you Chief Swan. Thank you for inviting me this evening," he said, his manners
impeccable as always. Charlie seemed shocked, and I couldn't help but beam at him. Seeing my expression,
Charlie gripped Edward's hand tightly and offered him a similar greeting.
"I'll just go get dinner, it should be ready by now," I said.
"I will help you, My Bella," Edward replied automatically. As we passed, I saw Charlie's eyes narrow at the
endearment, and I bit back a laugh. Despite the fatherly protectiveness he was displaying and feeling, I
could already tell Edward had impressed him.
Dinner turned out to be an interesting affair. Edward was more than polite, answering Charlie's constant
questions and not getting fed up with the interrogation. It had started to annoy me, until Charlie picked up
on the fact that Edward played the piano. One small question about it and Edward spoke for twenty
minutes straight about a piece of music he had learned as a child. When Edward finished, Charlie was far
more reluctant to question him too deeply.
"Thank you for coming," I said as Edward and I stood outside the house.
"No problem, My Bella. I am glad that I finally got to meet your father. I feel better about that now. It
seemed wrong to have been dating you never having introduced myself," he said.
I smiled, feeling slightly overwhelmed that this was all happening. It seemed like a lifetime ago when I had
to force Edward not to speak to my father.
We said our goodbyes quickly, Edward being in a hurry to get home. I watched his car drive away, feeling
heavy.
"Fast driver, that boy of yours."
I jumped, startled..
"Yeah, he doesn't like taking up unnecessary time driving," I said with the ghost of a smile.
We stood in silence for a moment, and I knew there would be more to come.
"He's a smart lad... polite and respectful too. Likes his piano a lot."
I laughed. "Yes, it's his special interest. He can talk for hours about it," I replied.
"Yeah, I could tell. I didn't want to interrupt him. I know people with Aspergers don't like it when you do
that," Charlie replied absently.
I whipped around, staring at Charlie in shock. "How do you know that?" I asked.
Charlie suddenly looked exceptionally awkward, turning his head away from me to stare at the sky.

"I found it online," he replied airily.

I gaped at him, stunned into silence. After a moment he turned, and, taking in my baffled expression,
immediately felt the need to explain himself.
"It was a slow day at the station."
"Okay..."I managed, still feeling a little caught off-guard at his admittance.
"Bella," he said seriously, causing me to turn my full attention to him, "I'm not going to pretend that I'm not
worried about this. I've seen how out of control he was, and the fact that he punched you in the face
recently doesn't help. But you care for him, and I can see that he cares for you in his own way. He makes
you happy. What kind of father stands in the way of their little girl being happy?"
And with this he smiled at me, then turned and walked back inside, leaving me stunned but hopeful.

~*~

Chapter Thirty ~ Birthday Girl

BPOV
"I can't believe I'm going to miss my baby girl turning twenty-one!"
"Mom, seriously, it's not a big deal."
"Bella, of course it's a big deal!"
"It's the same as any other day. I'll go to work, come home, and see my friends. Really, nothing interesting."
"You take after your father; he was exactly the same every year. Is that handsome guy of yours taking you
somewhere nice?"
I groaned and sat on my bed, rolling my eyes. Ever since I had sent her a photograph, Edward had been the
topic of almost all our conversations. She was desperate to meet him, and her enthusiasm was becoming
somewhat irritating.
"I'm spending time with everyone, mom. He is, however, buying me a present," I said, unable to keep the
aggravation out of my voice.
Alice had been pestering me for days about what to get me, despite my constant assurances that I didn't
want anything. Fed up with my replies, she eventually stopped asking, and I mistakenly thought she had
dropped the subject. Instead, she had simply brought it up in front of Edward. He had, of course, dismissed
any arguments and thus Alice took that as permission for her as well. She was far too sneaky for my liking.
Renee laughed at my tone. "Honey, let him do this for you without too much of a fuss, okay? He just wants
to make you happy."

I agreed, knowing that what she said was the truth.

"Well, I have to go now sweetie, but I'll call you tomorrow. I love you."
"Love you too, mom," I replied before hanging up. A wave of longing washed over me as I left the room to
put the phone back. I had formed a life in Forks, with people I now couldn't imagine not being in my life. It
didn't change the fact that I missed Renee more than I liked to think about.
I distracted myself by going back to working on my project. Two hours later and an hour of listening to
Alice on the phone and I was feeling somewhat better. I went to bed early, knowing that tomorrow would
be a long day. I was once again staying with Edward, giving Saturday to him and my friends, while Charlie
insisted I keep Sunday evening free to spend with him. I couldn't remember the last time I had celebrated
my birthday with my father, so I was oddly nervous and excited about that.
Alice had chosen where we would be going tomorrow evening, and I was happy to let her take charge. I
didn't know much Seattle, but her choices seemed to be perfect. She had chosen a quiet restaurant not too
far into town, and a bar only a short walk from there. Everyone apart from Edward would be joining us at
the bar. He didn't like the effect of alcohol, and he wouldn't enjoy the loud atmosphere. He was also
underage. At first I wasn't sure about leaving Edward out, but he seemed to think it was strange that I was
contemplating not going. Once I explained that I felt bad for leaving him by himself, he reminded me that
Carlisle would be home, and assured me that he would not go to bed until I returned. He actually altered his
routine for Sunday to compensate for sleeping in later. I smiled to myself as I lay in bed, but the smile didn't
last. My mind continuously returned to Renee. I had tried not to think about it, but the longing ache hadn't
quite disappeared. I missed her, and at times like this I realized just how much. With a sigh I turned over,
bombarding myself with positive thoughts in order to sleep.
"Happy Birthday Bella!" Alice sang as I entered the staff room, almost knocking me over with a hug. Angela
laughed at her enthusiasm and waited until Alice was done embracing me.
"Thank you," I replied, pulling away and smiling. It was then that I noticed the huge balloon behind her. I
groaned, shaking my head.
"I said not to make a big deal out of it," I whined as Alice pulled me toward the glaringly bright object.
"I'm not; I just got you a balloon and a cake. Your presents are at home," she said with a shrug. Angela
concealed her laughter at the look on my face, and I had to be impressed with Alice's dedication. She was
determined to make a fuss over me today, even if it was only on a small scale. I gave her quick hug before
leaving with Angela.
"Looking forward to tonight?" Angela asked as we made our way to the classroom.
"Yes, I really am," I said, slightly more enthusiastically than I should have. Angela studied me for a moment.
"This is your first birthday without your mom, right?"
I started, shocked at her accuracy.
"Is it that obvious?"

Angela shook her head.

"Not to everyone. You've just seemed a little down over the past few days, mentioning home a lot in
conversations. I took a guess," she said with a shrug.
I smiled sadly. "I'm fine, really. I'm looking forward to tonight; It's just that times like these I'm really
reminded of how Renee isn't here," I explained.
We stopped outside of the classroom, Angela turning to me and offering a smile.
"Well, we'll try our best to make you forget. We're not going to let you feel sad," she stated brightly.
"These are adorable," Rosalie said, looking through the cards the kids had made for me as we waited for
everyone else. I nodded as she smiled while she inspected them all. Rosalie normally wasn't so sentimental,
at least not around people she didn't trust. Although we hadn't had the best start, Rosalie and I had formed
a friendship that I couldn't imagine myself without.
"Bella! Happy birthday!"
I laughed as Emmett swooped me up into his arms.
"Please put my girlfriend down, Emmet, it is not necessary to swing her around like that. You could hurt
her."
Emmett made a show of spinning me around so that we were facing Edward and Alice who had followed
him into the room. After finally letting me down, Edward wasted no time in pulling me close.
"Happy Birthday, My Bella," he whispered to me.
"Thank you," I murmured.
"Present time!" Alice said much too cheerily.
I groaned and pulled away, glaring at Alice as she hurried out of the room, returning with a bag of gifts. I
had told them not to go to any trouble, yet they had all ignored me.
Alice brought in the remnants of the cake from this morning, so we sat and shared it while Emmett sang for
me until Edward expressed his displeasure. We laughed and settled into conversation as I opened my
presents.
"I have another present for you, My Bella," Edward said as I looked through the book he had given me. He
took me by the hand and led me to the music room. Once there, he directed me to the bench, and we
resumed our usual positions side by side.
"I have never played anything I composed to anyone before, My Bella. But as you are the inspiration for
this, I decided that I would play it for you," Edward announced before turning back to the keys and
beginning.
I closed my eyes and allowed the music to envelop me. It was calming in tempo, lyrical and captivating, and
I was soon swept away by the music. As the last note sounded, I opened my eyes and looked at him.

"Thank you so much, Edward. That was amazing, I loved it," I said, leaning in and kissing him.
He smiled and kissed me in return.
"You're very welcome, My Bella. I am glad you enjoyed it."
He began playing another piece, one that I had heard him play a few times recently. I leaned onto Edward's
shoulder heavily as he played, trying to remove the sadness that crept back in. I wasn't sure if I should say
anything to Edward because I didn't want him to think that I didn't want to be here.
"Bella, it is difficult to play with you putting so much of your weight on my arm."
I sat up and apologized, allowing Edward to play the last bars of the song without any interruptions. Once
the last note faded away, I couldn't hold back anymore..
"I miss home. I miss my mom. I love being here with all of you and Charlie, but I've never been away from
her on my birthday," I explained in a rush.
Edward said nothing for a while, and then he turned and wrapped his arms around my waist, resting his
head on my shoulder.
"That must be difficult for you, My Bella, going against your routine. I'm sorry that you are feeling upset. I
can understand that," he said, keeping me close to him.
I closed my eyes, resting against Edward in silence. I don't think I could have found anyone else who
understood exactly what I was feeling.
The restaurant was a small place not more than ten minutes from the Cullen house. I rode with Edward,
feeling more excited and content than I had all day. Rosalie was driving the others, and would take the rest
of us back at the end of the night. As soon as we arrived, Edward and I linked hands, Edward keeping me as
close as possible as we were shown to our table. Alice had reserved a table in the back. It was closed off and
quieter, giving us the feeling that we were almost completely alone in the restaurant. I squeezed Edward's
fingers, drawing his attention to me.
"Is this okay for you? Not too noisy or anything?" I asked, instantly worrying.
Instead of answering, Edward lifted my hand and kissed it, his lips resting on my skin.
"Please don't worry, My Bella, I will be fine here. The table is situated well so it will not be too
overwhelming. As long as it is what you like, then everything is fine. It's your birthday, so it should be to
your liking," he replied.
"I do like it."
Edwards smiled, then turned and led me to the table, his hand firmly in mine. He made a fuss over me,
pulling out my chair and making sure I was sitting comfortably before taking his own seat beside me. Alice
shook her head at his antics, but I loved that he went out of his way to do things like that. I was never one to
appreciate such old-fashioned gallantry. It all seemed so clich. Yet with Edward, it was part of him and
that's what made it so special.

Alice insisted that we order wine with our meals, sending me a glare in case I dared protest.
"Edward, do you want some?" Alice asked as she poured me a glass without asking.
"No thank you Alice. I'm underage and alcohol can cause permanent damage to the mind," he replied.
I laughed as Emmett's eyes widened and he looked at Edward in shock.
"I didn't think that happened easily."
Edward turned and faced his brother.
"Alcohol is an addictive substance that does harm to the liver, brain and motor functions over time. It is
best not to start," he replied.
Emmett looked relieved by Edward's words, and I reached out and grabbed Edward's hand under the table
as Alice launched into a new conversation. I sipped the wine warily, actually surprised when I liked the
taste.
Dinner progressed quickly, and the more we drank, the louder and more insistent our conversations
became. Edward withdrew more as the dinner progressed, and I could tell he was feeling uncomfortable.
Ignoring my cheesecake, I leaned over and kissed his temple, drawing his attention to me.
"You smell like alcohol," he remarked as I drew away.
For some reason I found this incredibly amusing, so it took a while for me to reply.
"Are you okay?" I asked once was able.
"My head hurts, and you're all loud and drunk," Edward said as he ate the last of his desert.
"I'm not drunk!" I insisted loudly, which caused Alice and Emmett to burst out laughing.
"You've had a large amount of alcohol, your eyes are dilated and you're slurring. You are drunk."
I frowned and turned to Alice.
"Am I slurring?"
Alice and Jasper found this hilarious, so I decided that I should probably stay quiet. Edward silently poured
a glass of water and placed it in front of me. I glared at him, feeling patronized. I was willing to admit that
I'd probably drunk quite a lot, but I didn't like him treating me that way. After five minutes or so, Edward
leaned closer to me.
"Bella, you need to drink the water or you will dehydrate. I don't want that to happen," he said, putting an
arm around me.
Through my foggy brain I realized Edward wasn't capable of being patronizing. He was just looking out for
me, so I drank it down.

"Thank you, my Bella," Edward said, kissing my cheek.

Shortly afterward, we left the restaurant, Edward keeping his arm fixed around me as we walked back to
his car. The others stayed a few feet away, waiting for me to return.
"I shall see you in a few hours My Bella. I will make sure I am awake. Please remember to drink water at
regular intervals," he instructed as he hugged me goodbye.
"I'll miss you," I mumbled.
"I'll miss you too, My Bella."
I woke up the next morning with a headache and a desperate need for water. Despite Edward's disapproval
of drinking, he was attentive and sweet, bringing me toast and water when I woke up, and providing me
with painkillers when I asked. I napped for a short while after that, and felt somewhat better after more
sleep.
"Do you mind if we work on my project?" I asked.
"Not at all, My Bella," he replied, coming to sit next to me on the bed. I delved into my bag, retrieving my
notebook and the questions I wanted to ask him.
"What do you consider one of your biggest challenges?"
Edward stared past my head as he thought of an answer.
"I cannot anticipate what people will do, or how they will react," he said.
I knew that interaction with others was difficult for him, but considering how little opportunity he had
been given to socialize, I was surprised that it was at the forefront of his mind.
He went on. "Esme went to great lengths to teach me how to behave, yet it has been difficult for me to
exercise what she has taught me due to this unpredictability. . It can be troubling and I often fail at
socializing," Edward said.
"Do you have any specific examples of what you feel are your 'failures?' That is, if you don't mind me using
them for my project," I amended.
"I do not feel they are failures, My Bella, I know they are. The outcome of the situation was not what it
should have been, therefore it was a failure. My first interactions with both you and Rosalie are examples,
although the situations have been righted now so I shouldn't dwell on them."
"Do you have any from when you were younger?" I asked, interested in seeing if there were parallels
between situations as an adult and a child.
"When Emmett's friends locked me in the shed for three hours,"
I froze, dropping my pen and staring up at Edward in shock. He looked back at me, composed and
unaffected, his eyes gazing to the left of mine.

Then Emmett brought a group of his friend's home after school one day. I was downstairs, and they were
upstairs and they...
Esme's words were loud and echoing in my mind. At the time I had wanted to question her about what
happened, to know exactly what she had been referring to. Now the images that tumbled and blared in my
mind had me wishing I didn't know.
"What... what exactly happened?" I asked, my voice stumbling over the words.
"I can't explain why, but my interactions with them did not go well. I thought everything was fine because
they asked me to come with them into the garden. They told me that we were playing a game, and that we
had to hide in the shed and wait for Emmett to find us, so I could not let Esme see me because she would
tell him where we were. I took the key to the shed and gave it to one of the boys. They told me to go in first,
so they were able to lock me in. It was January and very cold. It was therefore not a successful interaction
as I must have done something to cause them to lock me in the shed," he finished.
"No!" I cried, my voice causing Edward to jerk away from me. I reached out and cupped his cheek for a
moment, before moving toward him and resting my forehead against his.
"Edward, that had nothing to do with you, or anything you did. Please believe me. They are the ones who
failed in that situation, not you," I said, as a sudden desperate need to be as close to him as I could, washed
over me.
I couldn't have him believing for a moment longer that what happened to him had anything to do with a
failure on his part. Those kids had picked on him, done something cruel and unforgivable just because he
was different. So I kissed him, and I hugged him, and I tried to make up for something that I had no power
to change or remove.
"It's fine, My Bella, it happened years ago. There is no need to think about it anymore," Edward said with a
smile.
But it wasn't fine, not at all. For once, I actually envied Edward's ability to let things lie. I couldn't do that,
and I found myself holding a grudge against some boys I'd never even met.

~*~

Chapter Thirty-One ~ Concern

EPOV
"Edward, we can stop if you want," Bella said, running her hands through my hair in an attempt to comfort
me. I jerked away, unable to stand the sensation, even though it usually soothed me.
This was the third time we had tried, and the results had always been the same. It appeared that while I had
few problems touching Bella, it was different when the roles were reversed. I didn't understand why the
intensity changed when it was her hand moving across me and not my own. I had become more adept at
performing what Emmett had called "the five knuckle shuffle", but Bella's attempts had not been as

successful. Last time had ended with me getting frustrated and being rude, causing Bella to get upset and
cry.
She did not understanding why I didn't want to be near her and explained that she needed reassurance. I
explained that I needed to be alone in order to calm down. I hated seeing her so upset, and I didn't want
that to occur this time, so at present I was trying to calm myself down.
I closed my eyes. My arousal was painful and constant, but I was too close to sensory overload to do
anything to combat it. The combination was almost too uncomfortable to bear and there was no easy
solution. Bella sat close to me, but not touching so she could give me space and I couldn't tell if she was
upset.
"What do you want to do?" she asked when she noticed me staring.
"Kiss you," I replied.
Bella laughed and leaned down, her hair making my skin itch as it feel down around us and she pulled it out
of the way. I liked her hair, but the feel of only a few strands touching my skin lightly was painful.
The intensity was building again as our kisses increased in pressure and Bella's hand moved across my
body. Her fingertips pressed into my skin and her short nails scratched downwards. My body jerked as I
gasped from the sensations. The pressure was right. I could feel it. I was aware of it. Bella had left marks on
my body before, but I didn't mind since they faded within a few hours, and I couldn't stand to be touched
lightly.
I did enjoy the sensations of Bella touching me, but not prolonging the anticipation. It became too much,
overwhelming and frustrating. I had informed her when the build up to her touching took too long and I
couldn't allow her to continue. That had not been a good experience, but we had learned from it. The
sensations were still difficult for me to control even when there was a minimal amount of build up, but it
had produced better results.
My body tensed as Bella's hand circled around me, beginning the upward and downward motion once
more.
"Edward, relax. We can stop at any time, just relax," Bella whispered as she kissed my neck
I closed my eyes again, breathing deeply and willing my body to return to a state of calm. Bella paused, her
hand remaining still, but connected to me, allowing my muscles to adjust. It was a slow process, but
necessary. I gasped as she firmly began stroking again, keeping her movements at the same pace. I was
panting, the sensations heightened far more than when I did this alone, almost fearfully intense.
"Bella," I called, not needing her to stop, but to let me know she was still there.
"Edward," she said into my ear so I could hear her clearly. She knew that I needed her. I groaned, my hips
moving of their own accord as Bella's hand moved upwards, her thumb passing over the head. I couldn't
control my breathing. It was loud in my ears, and my skin pricked at every touch. Bella kissed my ear and a
sound escaped my throat as everything started to build. I knew what was about to happen.
It wasn't as painful as the first time I had tried on my own. I gasped for air as my body jolted, every nerve
electrifying and sensitizing. It felt as if I couldn't breathe, the feeling far more intense than I had ever

experienced. It felt good to feel everything, especially since I could still feel Bella beside me, kissing the side
of my head as I worked through the sensations.
This almost euphoric feeling did not last. Once my senses had dulled, I could only feel disgusting. I quickly
removed myself from the bed, rushed to the bathroom and turned on the shower. The clear, sticky fluid
needed to be removed swiftly. It was horrible, an unfortunate product of orgasm.
Showering proved difficult because the pounding of the spray was too much for me. It took me far too long,
and the situation was not helped by the fact that there was no clock in the bathroom, so time had escaped
me. I found it hard to deal with my fragile senses when I did not have my numbers to comfort me. However,
I was able to cleanse myself eventually. Once I had dried myself thoroughly and got dressed, I returned to
my room to find Bella straightening out my bed.
"What are you doing, My Bella?"
She jumped, and I felt bad that I had caught her unawares, even though I assumed that I had made enough
noise when approaching.
"Just changing your sheets, I'm practically done" she explained, blushing a little as she did.
I smiled, moving forward and wrapping my arms around her.
"Thank you. I am sorry I didn't help," I said, kissing her cheek.
"Don't worry, Edward. I doubt you would have been able to touch them, so it's best that I did it. I don't want
you feeling uncomfortable."
I yawned, feeling tired and a little cold. Bella and I soon settled in bed, and I fidgeted for a few minutes,
trying to get used to the feeling of the new, crisp sheet against my skin. Bella waited for me to settle before
turning off the light and getting into bed with me. Her arm draped across me and I could feel her as she
curved into my side, one hand in my hair. I was relaxed and calm. I liked these feelings that Bella caused in
me.
"Edward?"
"Yes, My Bella," I replied.
"My mom arrives on Saturday and I thought it would be a good idea if she met you before our parents go
out on Sunday, so are you free for lunch?"
I had met her father, so it was important that I meet her mother, especially since it was unclear when Renee
would visit again. Esme and Dr. Cullen were going with Bella's parents for lunch on Sunday, but Bella and I
were not invited.
I had found this odd since Bella and I were the only reason that our parents were connected, so I assumed
we should be present. However, Bella didn't agree. She told me she was relieved and excited that they
would be spending the afternoon together. I was just excited that I would be able to spend Sunday with My
Bella. Any event that allowed me to spend more time with her was a good idea.
"Yes, I will be able to do that My Bella," I replied.

"Good. I'm sure you'll both get along" Bella said, yawning.
I turned over and kissed her temple as I hugged her close.
"You're tired My Bella, you should sleep."
She settled down and wrapped her arms around me in a hug. It was definitely the best way to fall asleep.
Watching Bella as she awaited the arrival of her mother was an odd experience. Nothing about her actions
had any logic or pattern, no matter how hard I tried to decipher them. In the past thirty three minutes since
I had entered her room she had spent twenty minutes kissing me, then suddenly decided to stop. I didn't
like this since I was enjoying kissing her and she had left me feeling aroused and perplexed as to why she
had stopped. She then began pacing, speaking aloud but not addressing me and had straightened her
bookshelf three times.
"Bella, what are you doing?"
She jumped, as if I had startled her, which was a strange reaction since I'd been in the room with her for
thirty-four minutes.
"I...umm... I'm waiting," Bella stuttered, spinning as she spoke.
"You are..." I paused, concentrating hard to remember the phrase that Dr. Cullen often used to describe
Alice, "all over the place!" I said, glad that I had recalled the words.
Bella stared at me for three seconds before she sighed and took her place beside me on the bed.
"I'm nervous, and excited. But I can't stop worrying. I'm looking forward to seeing my mom, but Charlie is
picking her up and I have no idea how that will go. Then there's Sunday... I just really want to see my mom
and for everything to go well."
Bella had spoken so quickly that it took me a few moments to work through the words in my mind. It was
times like this I wished that words were as fluid as numbers, sequential and logical. Considering that Bella
had mentioned she was worried, it was probable that she needed comfort. I took up her hand, and in
response she slid closer, resting her head on my shoulder so it seemed I was correct in my assessment. I
had learned that when Bella was feeling upset, or stressed, she needed comfort and wanted to have some
sort of physical connection with me. I like this because I enjoyed being close to her physically, and didn't
really know what words would be appropriate in these situations.
"What would you like to do while we wait for your mother?" I asked her.
Bella sat up slowly, but did not remove my hand from hers.
"I guess I should start preparing lunch. Do you want to help me?"
"No, I can only cook four meals, so I would be of no use," I replied.
Bella laughed and rose from the bed. I did not particularly like that she had suddenly left me, but then she
grabbed my hand and pulled me forward.

"Well, you can help me cut up the vegetables. I know you can do that, and then I'll do the rest."
I smiled and squeezed her hand as we walked down the twelve steps. "Yes, that will work well."
"Hi mom!" Bella called as the passenger door of the cruiser opened.
Bella's mother emerged from the car, and my eyes instantly disliked the shade of pink she was wearing. It
was bright and gave me a headache.
"Oh, Bella sweetie, I've missed you so much!"
Her voice was loud and high. Bella moved away from me to meet her mother, which I couldn't help but
dislike. Her mother was chattering loudly to her, continuously hugging her as she did. I had never seen
someone hug anyone so much.
"And this must be Edward! That picture didn't do him justice. You're much more handsome in the flesh!"
"That is impossible; a picture is an accurate representation of a person's features. I look the same as my
picture," I replied, correcting her. I knew I had yet to introduce myself properly, but I could not let her
incorrect statement go.
"It is a pleasure to meet you Mrs Dwyer, I'm Edward Cullen, Bella's boyfriend," I said, remembering my
manners.
"Well it's a pleasure to meet you, Edward Cullen. Feel free to call me Renee," she said. I nodded, yet
wondered if it was only Bella's mother I was supposed to address in this manner.
"Chief Swan, should I call you by your given name?" I asked.
"No," he replied without looking at me. Charlie often confused me by not looking at me as he addressed me.
It was not something I could get used to.
"Dad!" Bella said, while Renee laughed and dragged her bag toward the house.
"Let me help you, Renee," I said.
"Thank you, Edward. And ignore Charlie, he's just being stubborn. He likes you a lot, I can tell. Now, let's
start getting to know each other.
So, Edward, what do you like to do?"
"I enjoy playing the piano, fixing cars and most of all, spending time with My Bella," I replied.
"You are such a sweetie. How long have you been playing the piano?"
I smiled as I told her my history with the piano. I was always glad to have someone take an interest in my
life.
Once lunch was over, I had offered to wash the dishes. I thought it was fair since Bella had cooked, Renee

was the guest, and Chief Swan seemed to be absorbed in some sort of sporting event on TV. He
continuously spoke to the television set, occasionally yelling. I wanted to inform him that the players were
thousands of miles away and couldn't hear him, but I didn't think it would be good to disturb him. I had
resolved that, if I was still here when the game was over, I would let him know.
Having finished washing and drying, I went in search of Bella. She was not downstairs or outside, so I made
my way upstairs. As I approached, I heard voices. I wasn't sure what to do. Listening to another person's
conversation was rude, but so was interrupting. As I stood, weighing out my options, I heard fragments of
conversation.
"Mom, I'm twenty-one years old. I think I can handle this on my own, thank you,"
"I didn't say that you couldn't Bella, I just thought you might like some company,"
Bella laughed before speaking again. "Going to the doctor with me is hardly a fun activity. I know you mean
well, but seriously, I don't need help."
"I just feel this is... important to you. It's like a rite of passage or...something."
The laughter got louder and continued for seven seconds.
"Please tell me that you hear how ridiculous that sounds, mom."
"Okay, okay, I get it. You're all grown up and capable of going by yourself. I just..."
I shook my head, blocking out the voices as my mind as I attempted to concentrate. Bella needed to go to
the doctor. The only reason she would need to go was if she was ill. Why had she not told me she was
feeling unwell? I had not noticed any physical signs of illness; she had no temperature, had not vomited or
had any physical markers on her flesh. If I was feeling ill enough to need a doctor, I would tell Bella. I
couldn't understand why she would not tell me something so important.
I decided that it was better if I waited downstairs. I didn't want to interrupt a conversation that I was not
privy to, especially if it was something to do with her health.
Yet it still did not make sense that Bella hadn't spoken to me about this.
"Edward, if you need anything, don't hesitate to call. We're only going to Port Angeles, so we aren't that far
away."
"Esme, I really don't think he's going to call us," Dr. Cullen replied, laughing as he did.
I didn't understand what was amusing about his words, and neither did Esme. She turned and started at
him silently until his left eye twitched. I always thought it was odd when this happened. After twenty- nine
seconds she looked away, just as we were turning into Bella's drive way.
"Yes, well, you're always free to call us for anything," Dr. Cullen said as we parked next to the police cruiser.
"I won't need anything so I will not need to call you," I said as I left the car.
Renee and Chief Swan were standing on the porch steps, waiting for us to arrive. I waited as Dr. Cullen and

Esme moved forward to greet them. It seemed logical that they should greet each other first since they
would be spending the afternoon together. However, this used up time that could be spent with My Bella. It
was frustrating, the seconds moving past as I was forced to wait.
"Edward, it's good to see you again," Renee said, smiling at me. I took three steps forward to stand level
with Dr. Cullen and Esme.
"Hello Renee, it is good to see you again too," I replied.
"Bella's upstairs, so go on in. I'm guessing you're impatient to see her."
"Your guess is correct," I replied before entering the house.
I climbed the twelve stairs to her bedroom and knocked three times and waited to be admitted. Bella threw
open the door in less than two seconds, but instead of greeting me, she placed a finger to her lips in a
motion to be silent. I frowned, but then noticed that she had a phone pressed to her ear. She moved out of
the doorway, and took up my right hand, leading me into the room.
"Yes, Tuesday at one o'clock. Thank you, bye," Bella said, before ending her call. She threw phone onto her
bed, then turned and wrapped her arms around my neck. I hugged her back, glad to have her close to me.
"Sorry about that, Edward."
"Its fine, My Bella," I said as I pulled back so that I could address her properly. "What are you doing on
Tuesday at one o'clock?"
Bella broke away from me, and walked toward her bed where her coat and bag lay.
"A doctor's appointment, nothing serious though. Do you have anywhere specific you want to eat?" she
asked as she pulled on her coat.
"I don't know where to eat in Forks, so therefore you should make the decision. I trust you since you know
my likes and dislikes. Are you ill?"
Bella smiled at me, and shook her head.
"No, nothing like that. Please don't worry Edward, I would tell you if there was anything wrong. We should
get going, I'm starving!" Bella said with a laugh, grabbing my hand and leading me down the stairs.
My Bella said she was starving, which was serious, so I didn't waste any time. She had assured me that if
there was anything wrong she would tell me, and this was perplexing. The fact that she was actually going
to the doctor meant that something must be wrong. Healthy people don't need a doctor. Therefore, she
either didn't need a doctor and she was lying to him, or she did need one and was lying to me. I wasn't sure
which one was worse.

~*~

Chapter Thirty-Two ~ Planning

BPOV
"We have exams in just over a month; why do I feel like that's not enough time?"
"I don't think you're ever going to feel like you've had enough time," I replied, looking up from my notes
and smiling at Alice.
"True," she muttered, tapping her pen against the book she was reading.
The past few weeks had been stressful. With my research project completed, there was nothing to look
forward to except our assessments. Our time was now spent researching alone or in groups, collecting data
and memorizing theories. I rubbed my temple distractedly, trying to ebb the slight headache that had been
steadily forming. Noticing my movements, Alice looked up, peering at me worriedly.
"Headache?"
"Yeah, it's not too bad though," I replied as fished through my bag for a bottle of water.
"Of all the side -effects you could have had, a mild headache isn't too bad," Alice said as I took a gulp.
I cringed, still mortified that at twenty-one years old it was my mother's nagging that prompted me to start
taking birth control pills. To be fair, I had been thinking about it for a while, but had decided against it.
Although my physical relationship with Edward had been moving forward, it had taken time to get to our
current stage. I worried that if I suddenly decided to start the pill, Edward would feel pressured into doing
something he wasn't ready for.
I would be lying if I said I didn't thinking about sex. A lot. Yet I was beyond happy to wait for as long as he
needed, so I hadn't considered doing anything about it. My mom, on the other hand, was adamant that since
this was my first relationship, I needed to be extra-careful in case there was some sort of "accident."
Although I had explained that with Edward's issues with intimacy the chances of that happening were slim,
Renee switched into protective mother mode. I knew she wanted me to be safe rather than sorry, and some
part of her seemed to need to have this conversation with me, even though I was old enough to know these
things myself. In her eyes, I was a sixteen year old girl needing her mom. I couldn't deny her that, although I
couldn't help but laugh at her wanting to come with me to the doctor.
All in all, I guess it was a sensible idea. It was better to sort out birth control in advance rather than worry
at the last minute. It had taken me a while to adjust to it. During the first week I had stomach pains and
mood swings. At least that was out of the way.
Edward and I hadn't really discussed intercourse. I smiled to myself as I recalled the embarrassing and
awkward conversation that had occurred a week ago in regard to oral sex. Edward, in his usual way, had
launched into the topic without any forewarning as soon as we'd entered his room. He explained that since
we had become comfortable with the first "stage" of our relationship, it may be time to progress to the next.
I'd been completely thrown by his sudden willingness to try something new, but I was more than willing to
experiment.
I was surprised that Edward had suggested it, considering that he still didn't like to be in contact with
bodily fluids for longer than necessary. He had insisted that as the next physical step in our relationship, it

must be crossed, and then went into great detail about the research he had done as to how to make the
experience the best for both of us. I had to stop him when he began listing the tongue techniques that were
"tried and tested" to create the most intense orgasms. I was about two seconds away from jumping him.
"Umm... Bella, stop thinking whatever you're thinking. It's freaking me out."
I started, meeting Alice's glare with a confused expression.
"Why am I freaking you out?"
Alice rolled her eyes. "I know that look. He's my brother; I don't want to think about it."
I grimaced, feeling embarrassed that she could read me so easily. I turned back to my work, attempting to
keep my thoughts as pure as possible. I failed. Once that chain of thought began, I couldn't stop it. Our
experiment had been an...experience to say the least. Looking back on it now it was easy to take it lightly,
but at the time I felt like it was a complete failure and I felt horrible.
Although Edward had been the one to suggest it, once we actually tried, the more he thought about the
logistics, the more worried he became. As he explained afterward, the hygiene aspect of oral sex constantly
bothered him. It took him a long time to calm down enough for him to actually get aroused, and even then
he couldn't maintain it for enough time for me to really try. Then each time we had to stop, he became more
and more agitated.
Despite the failure, Edward wanted to try and reciprocate. He made me shower before trying which I could
understand. It didn't make much of a difference though, since Edward couldn't take having bodily fluids in
his mouth. When he immediately dashed to bathroom and started cleaning his teeth, I burst into tears, even
though logically I knew the reason.
Despite how far we had come, and how close we now were, there were still times when it was difficult. It
didn't even cross his mind that his reaction would be hurtful, and I couldn't force myself to not be upset. I
knew that this was something we would always have, that there would always be times when we'd have a
hard time understanding where the other person was coming from. It was just hard at times.
Edward had been pretty distraught that we hadn't been able to get to the next stage in our physical
relationship. It had taken a lot of reassurance and, to my horror, a conversation with Emmett to make him
believe it was okay not to. This was another reason why I didn't want to tell Edward about the pill. He had
panicked so much about our failed attempt that I didn't want to stress him out again.
"Okay, you need to stop thinking. Let's go, I can't handle this place any longer," Alice announced, standing
from her chair and collecting her notes. I smiled, standing, dismissing my thoughts at the same time.
#~#~#
"Since when did you own golf clubs?" I asked Charlie, having noticed the bag in the hallway.
He shrugged, not taking his eyes off the television as he replied. "I've always had an interest in the sport,
Bells. Just never had the time to actually play."
I glared at the back of his head, knowing there was something he wasn't saying. He hated golf, and had
certainly never referred to it as an actual sport.

"I thought I'd better get my own set since I can't borrow Carlisle's again."
"What?" I spluttered, unable to stay composed.
Charlie shrugged, a sign that he was done with the conversation. In a daze, I walked to the kitchen and
began sorting the ingredients for dinner. Edward would be coming over in just over half an hour and I
knew he would want to eat dead on time. Charlie would be leaving in a while, leaving Edward and me to
ourselves for a few hours.
I hadn't realized that Charlie had hit it off with Carlisle so easily. My relationship with Edward was still not
something we spoke about freely, so I was so glad that my mom had insisted on meeting with Edward's
parents. Even though from what she told me the dinner had gone well, I would have never imagined that
they'd become friends.
"I'm off," Charlie announced from the hallway.
"Okay, I'll see you tomorrow!" I called, my attention focused on the task at hand. As Charlie slammed the
door, my hand slipped and the knife I'd been using bit into my flesh.
"Shit!" I cried, the knife clattering against the side as I backed away.
I flinched in pain, my right hand clutching at the injured one as I rushed to the sink. I pulled my hand away
long enough to turn on the tap before thrusting it under the rush of cold water. I was bleeding, but not
heavily, a long but shallow gash running across my palm. I felt bile rise in my throat at the sight of the
blood, and I turned my eyes away from the cut. I couldn't throw up or faint. I had to deal with this. After
running my hand under the water for a few minutes, I quickly raced upstairs to the bathroom. I grabbed the
first aid supply and cleaned it before bandaging it the best I could one-handed.
"Damn it," I whispered into the empty room as I slumped down against the wall. I stayed still, breathing
heavily, as I tried to calm down. My head ached as my pulse drummed through it, blocking out any other
sound. Suddenly my stomach heaved, and I scrambled to the toilet in time to retch. This was not turning out
to be the best of evenings.
"Good evening, My Bella."
I smiled, wrapping Edward in my arms as we stood in the hallway. I clutched him tightly, relieved that he
was finally here.
"How are you?" he asked once I'd let go.
"I feel better now that you're here," I said, taking his hand in mine and leading him into the room.
"Did something happen to make you feel upset?" he asked as we walked.
"No, nothing made me upset, I was just looking forward to seeing you," I replied, smiling at him.
I knew Edward would panic, and I didn't want to mention my accident as soon as he walked through the
door. The cut wasn't deep at all, and I tended to overreact at the sight of my own blood. I didn't really want
Edward worrying about me when he had no reason to.

"I am glad. I was looking forward to seeing you too, My Bella. You have been busy. I am glad that we can
now spend an appropriate amount of time together," Edward said as he took a seat at table. I took the seat
opposite him.
"Dinner will only be a few minutes," I said, turning and gesturing in the direction of the oven.
"What did you do to your hand?"
I blinked, confused for a moment before realizing my mistake. Before I had the chance to say anything,
Edward was out of his chair and kneeling before me. He gently took my hand in his; as if afraid he would
cause serious damage.
"Edward, I'm fine," I said, feeling a mixture of guilt for not mentioning this and embarrassment at his worry
over nothing.
Edward froze, holding my hand still in his. He was silent for what seemed like minutes, staring fixedly at the
bandage on my hand. I started to feel nervous, not sure what was going through his head until he spoke.
"Why do you keep lying to me?"
"Lying?" I asked my voice high in confusion. "Edward, I'm not lying to you at all."
"Yes you are. Your hand is bandaged, so something must have happened. You are lying when you say you
are fine. You keep telling me you are fine when you are not," he said, dropping my hand and moving away.
His posture had turned rigid and he rocked slowly as he stood.
"Edward," I whispered, suddenly really worried. I stood from my chair and walked toward him slowly,
stopping short in front of him. He was starting to panic, and I needed to calm him before it got any worse.
Reacting before I really had a chance to second guess myself, I quickly unwrapped the bandage on my hand.
"Edward, look," I said, putting my palm close to his face. He didn't move for a moment, but then inch by inch
he raised his eyes.
"It's just a shallow cut. A knife slipped while I was making dinner. It doesn't need stitches and it stopped
bleeding almost immediately. It's just in an awkward place so a Band-aid won't stay on. I promise I'm fine,"
I said.
Edward continued to look at my hand, trying to convince himself that I really was okay. I smiled and
lowered my hand, offering it to him. He took it, but instead of simply holding it; he raised it to his lips and
kissed the cut. My smile widened.
"Why didn't you tell me? You were hurt, and I need to know when you're hurt My Bella. Why are you
keeping things from me?" he asked, raising his head to face me, his eyes staying to the left of my own. At
least he wasn't rocking or moving away.
"Because I..." I was cut off by the oven timer.
"It's time to eat," Edward announced, dropping my hand and taking his place at the table. I sighed, annoyed
that we would have to cease this conversation for now.

"Could you tie my bandage? I can do it myself but it will be more secure if you do it," I asked.
Edward immediately complied, apologizing for not doing so earlier. As he was tying the bandage, a thought
struck me. Edward kept saying that I'd been keeping "things" from him, and I "kept telling him" I was fine.
He seemed to think I was lying to him about more than just the cut.
"We'll continue this after we eat, okay?" I said.
"Yes, My Bella, we will continue talking then," he confirmed. I nodded to myself before turning away, trying
to ignore the dread creeping in.
#~#~#
I decided it would be better to have this conversation in my room. I wasn't sure what Edward had been
referring to, but I wanted to feel at ease when we spoke. Sitting in the kitchen or the living room seemed so
formal, and something Edward and I never did. In my room, we could talk and be us. At least, that was what
I was hoping for.
"Come here," I said, grasping Edward's hand and drawing him onto the bed with me. He immediately slid
down beside me, our hands clasped between us. I already felt better about whatever would happen next. I
took one of my hands from his and moved it to his hair, wanting to relax both him and myself.
"What did you mean when you asked why I keep lying to you? Do you think I'm keeping something from
you?"
Edward didn't raise his head, his gaze still fixed upon our interlocking hands.
"You... you went to the doctor. You don't go to the doctor without a reason, Bella. Why didn't you tell me
there was something wrong?" he asked, his eyes darting up to my face.
"Ooh..." I said, feeling a little lost for words. I really wasn't sure if I wanted to have this conversation right
now. But I didn't really have a choice. With Edward feeling anxious, I couldn't wait for a more appropriate
moment.
"I wasn't... there wasn't anything wrong with me," I said.
"Then why did you need to go?" he prompted.
"For birth control," I blurted.
Edward froze. In his silence, I began to ramble.
"I just thought it was something that I needed to deal with on my own, and I'm sorry that I didn't tell you
about it. I just didn't want to give you the wrong impression, or make you think that I was unhappy with the
pace we're going. I didn't... I don't know..." I ended, pretty sure that my word jumble had made everything
worse.
"So, you want to have sex," Edward said suddenly

"Yes, I mean, no. No," I finished, cringing at my instinctive response.

"You said both yes and no My Bella, and both cannot be true. You wouldn't have gone on birth control if you
didn't want to, and you said yes when I first asked you. Although you did say no after that, it seems far more
probable that you do want to have sex."
Edward's logic had defeated me, and I couldn't think of a reply that would be appropriate or fix this
situation. As I was thinking, Edward sat up and turned his back to me. I panicked, wondering what he was
going to do.
Then Edward yanked his top up and over his head. Not expecting this at all, I momentarily lost focus, giving
Edward the opportunity to turn around and kiss me. I momentarily forgot what was going on as I lost
myself in kissing him, falling back down onto the bed and allowing him to crawl on top of me.
I was suddenly brought back to reality as Edward began to undo the buttons of my shirt. I broke away from
the kiss and looked up at him.
"Edward, what are you doing?" I asked, wondering why he was moving so fast.
"Taking your clothes off and kissing you so we can have sex. It's what they did in the video Emmett talked
me though," he replied innocently.
My brain really couldn't cope with all that information at once. I stared at Edward in utter confusion for a
few moments, until I could finally speak.
"Edward, sit up, we're not having sex right now," I said bluntly, pushing on his chest a little. He sat up
instantly, and moved away.
"Did I do something wrong? I thought you wanted to? I was sure I had addressed the situation correctly,
since that was how the video began," he said, taking up my hand again.
I curbed my urge to kill Emmett for using porn as a how-to guide for sex, and decided to clarify my earlier
statement.
"I don't want to have sex right now, Edward. We can't rush into something like this. I mean, we haven't
talked about this before."
Edward stared at me for a moment before speaking.
"You said that you wanted to though. I don't understand."
"Do you want to? Have you thought about how it will be for you physically? Edward, it isn't something we
can just do," I said, running my thumb over his knuckles trying to soothe him.
"I want to try," Edward insisted, pulling me forward so that I was leaning against him. "It is the last step in
our relationship and I want to do everything with you. Since you have been thinking of birth control, then it
seems that you also want to. If we are both willing, then we should."
Even though he made sense, this was exactly what I had feared. Edward thought I wanted to have sex and
now felt pressured Just like with our attempt at oral sex, he was insistent he was ready, but that didn't turn

out so well and this was much bigger. We were skipping some very important steps. We needed to ease into
sex. Jumping into it would be a bigger disaster than our last attempt.
"Okay. But not today, not now. We need to make sure we're completely prepared before we do anything," I
said, lifting my face and kissing him.
"Yes, it is best that we plan this properly. But we should do this soon," he said.
"Soon," I agreed, then kissed him again.

~*~

Chapter Thirty-Three ~ Soon

BPOV
How soon is soon?
I groaned and turned over, burying my face into the other side of the pillow. After a few seconds I opened
my eyes, catching sight of the neon numbers of my alarm clock. It was 3:19AM and I'd barely had any sleep.
I just couldn't seem to shut off my mind for long enough to allow myself to relax. Edward's question
wouldn't leave me alone.
It had been haunting me for just over a week. My mind was not able to come up with an answer to his
question. I didn't know when 'soon' was. I still was not convinced that Edward and I were ready to move
forward in this way, but now that the subject had been broached, Edward was adamant that 'soon' should
be any day now.
I was less sure. Doubt continuously crept into my mind. I was trying not to panic about it, but the more he
kept asking me, the more scared I got. Just losing one's virginity is scary enough, but we had many more
issues to deal with than your average couple.
Our physical relationship had had its ups and downs, and I wasn't convinced that Edward was desensitized
enough to try sex. Each time we tried something new, Edward always had a negative reaction. My attempts
at steeling myself did no good. Every time I played it out in my mind, I wound up rejected and hurt. Since
Edward's first encounter with bodily fluids, he had gotten better at not becoming as repulsed. He still
needed to clean off nearly immediately afterward, but without as much urgency and fear as before. We
nearly always ended up in the shower together afterward, which was more than okay by me.
Edward was fine with using his hands to touch me now and vice versa, and while we couldn't be completely
sure of what would happen during sex, this was at least one hurdle we'd overcome. However, we might
have an even bigger problem. Sex was messy, and I really didn't think that Edward comprehended just how
different it would be from anything we'd done so far. What if it all became too much for him?
There was nothing I could do to prepare him. I didn't want to be that person who just assumed Edward was
incapable of doing something. Yet at the same time I wished that he was more aware of his limits before he
jumped in head-first. It seemed that his wanting to please me was overcoming his usual logic. I was scared

that I wouldn't know what to do when things went wrong. In similar situations, I had crumbled. What
would make this time any different? What if I made everything worse? Edward was going to need my help
with sensory issues, but if I fell apart, I wouldn't be able to do that. He could panic and I wouldn't be able to
respond until it was too late.
I worried that I was would push my own insecurities onto Edward. I needed to be in control, be
knowledgeable. It would be easier if I knew what I was doing. My lack of experience put me at a
disadvantage. A part of me was resentful. I wanted to only have to deal with my own fears and issues for
once, but I needed to stop being selfish. . I had chosen to be in this relationship and I needed to be an adult
about it and stop my whining. I knew that if Edward wasn't exactly as he was, I wouldn't be in love with
him. It could just be difficult at times. I needed an outlet.
I yawned, my mind seeming to have run out of steam. I closed my eyes, with Edward's questioning face
swimming into view as I did.
#~#~#
"What should we do for our anniversary?"
"We... what?" I asked, my attention drawn away from the screen and back to Edward.
"Our anniversary. It's in a week. We should celebrate in an appropriate way. I was wondering if there was
something you would like to do," Edward said.
I wasn't really enthused with the idea of celebrating every month that we were together for, so I decided it
was better to dissuade him from this idea early on.
"I'm not sure Edward. I don't mind if we don't do anything," I hedged.
In reply, Edward sat up straighter.
"But My Bella, it is our first anniversary and it would be wrong for us to ignore it!" he explained.
"Shouldn't we wait and have an anniversary celebration when we've been together for a longer period of
time? We didn't celebrate our one-month anniversary," I pointed out.
Edward tilted his head to one side, obviously considering this carefully.
"That is true, My Bella. It would be impractical to start celebrating now. If we celebrated yearly, it would be
more appropriate. That is how wedding anniversaries work after all."
He signaled the end of our conversation by turning away and focusing upon the movie, leaving me flustered
and staring at him. Edward had indicated before how serious he was about our relationship, but just
hearing him speak of it in terms of years both excited and frightened me. Could we do this? We still had a
long way to go, and with all the changes that would be occurring just within the next few years, our
relationship would be pushed to its limits. Yet Edward believing my place in his life was fixed for the
foreseeable future gave me a new sense of hope and determination.
"Do you want to go upstairs, My Bella?"

I'd been so lost in thought, I hadn't even realized the credits were already rolling, so I nodded and stood up.
I knew that Edward much preferred to be in his own circle even though he made the effort to leave his
room so we could watch the movie.
I suddenly got the overwhelming need to pull him into a hug, and I smiled as he returned it strongly. He
took over after a moment, rocking us as always.
"Why are you hugging me?"
"I just wanted to," I said without letting go.
Edward allowed my hug for a few more minutes, before breaking away and declaring that it was high time
we moved upstairs. He took hold of my hand, leading me into his room, and only letting go in order to shut
the door.
"Where is everyone?" I asked, amazed that we had managed to make it through an entire movie without
being interrupted.
"Alice and Jasper-from-the-South are in her room, Emmett is working late and Carlisle and Esme are at a
fundraiser and will be back before midnight," he recited perfectly.
I nodded before walking to Edward's bed and making myself comfortable. He joined me, the two of us
resting against the headboard in companionable silence with our hands clasped together.
We stayed like this for a little while until Edward addressed me.
"My Bella, I really think that it is time to move forward into the final stage of our relationship," he said
seriously, his hand squeezing mine as he spoke.
I gulped, still conflicted, afraid, and nervous. In my silence, Edward continued speaking.
"We don't have to do something if you don't want to, however you have mentioned before that you do, so I
don't understand why you would change your thinking. I believe that I am ready. There are precautions I
can take so that sensation will be less of an issue; therefore it will improve the chances of success."
His words caused me stomach to drop, an uneasy feeling seeping through. I was used to Edward being so
logical and matter-of-fact, but he was being so... clinical. It was unromantic hearing him speak of sex in a
way that made it sound almost unappealing.
I tried my best to dismiss my negativity. Edward was speaking no differently than he always did, and if I
was expecting my first time to be all roses and candlelight, then I was completely deluded. Why did it make
a difference all of a sudden?
"What do you mean 'precautions'?" I asked, steering myself back into the conversation.
"If I use a condom, then there will be a barrier between myself and your bodily fluids. It will also help
decrease sensation so that I don't orgasm as swiftly. I have been experimenting with them to get used to the
feeling of wearing one for an extended period, as well as during orgasm," Edward announced.
While my unease couldn't disappear completely, I needed to get myself in the right frame of mind. There

would probably never be a "perfect time," so we might as well move ahead. I eased forward, my hand
reaching out to run down Edward's jaw.
"I'm ready," I said, leaning forward and kissing him, staying as light as I could. We could do this. I loved him,
and I knew he loved me. This was what it was about; how we felt, and what we meant to each other.
Together we would work this out.
There was no point in starting out too heavily. We both needed to be eased into this.
I relaxed down on the bed, Edward falling into place beside me. We kissed slowly, taking our time while
feeling and exploring our way around each other's bodies, increasing and decreasing the pressure as we
moved forward and held back.
I allowed Edward to set the pace, responding to each touch and movement he made. We had come pretty
far since our first nervous exploration. Edward was confident once he felt comfortable, his hands reaching
out to trace my back and my shoulder. I helped him lift his shirt over his head, eager to kiss and touch his
skin. I didn't let anxiety plague my mind; instead I let myself get swept up in just feeling.
Before long I was struggling out of my jeans, kicking them off eagerly as Edward moved to lie above me. He
smiled, dipping his head to kiss my lips twice before moving downward, his lips moving methodically
across my collarbone and down to my chest. My eyes closed and my body arched toward his mouth as each
kiss and breath sent my pulse racing.
His hands moved up my leg, circling and skimming my thigh, but not moving any higher. I exhaled,
frustrated and excited as Edward took his time. My hands moved on their own accord, creating pathways
along his back and shoulders until he shivered from the sensations and moved up to kiss me again. I broke
away from his mouth with a gasp as his fingers pressed down against my underwear, circling and teasing,
his finger skimming in patterns.
"You need to be aroused, My Bella. It will be easier for both of us that way," he whispered against my skin.
His hands quickly gripped the edge of my underwear, and within moments they were discarded onto the
floor. My hands were back in Edward's hair, but I stayed frozen for a moment as he tensed above me. He
looked away, obviously trying to control himself. I wasn't sure if it was the anticipation, or he was already
feeling overwhelmed, but either way he needed to get through this himself.
His head was down and his eyes were closed as he tried to focus. I forced myself to calm down, my hands
soothing him, needing him to be okay. After a few moments Edward relaxed slowly, nuzzling into my touch
affectionately. I smiled as he raised his eyes, offering me one in return. We kissed gently once more, but the
gentleness didn't last. My hands were uncontrollable, the desire of a few moments ago back with renewed
force. I couldn't stop myself, but thankfully, Edward responded, moaning into our kiss, his hands just as
frantic as my own.
I cried out as his fingers moved against me, his thumbing making agonizing circles until he pushed two
fingers inside. I arched, flexed and clawed at him, my thoughts of control and awareness long-gone.
Edward's lips moved to my neck, upward then downward as his fingers slid in and out of my body in the
same controlled rhythm I knew so well. It was repetitive, but that simply heightened my response. The
anticipation of each touch heightened my senses. I jolted, gasping, noises and words flowing from my
mouth as Edward continued his pace. My legs shook with anticipation and my skin was aflame, until
without warning, Edward withdrew his hand.

"I think you are aroused enough," he observed, peering at me as I panted.

I wanted to drag him back to me, but before I had a chance, he moved away, cleaning his fingers on a tissue
as he did. He pulled down his boxers, and sat on the edge of the bed, a foil packet clutched in his hand.
That was the moment reality hit me. My nerves were shot already, but the sudden realization of what we
were about to do seemed to cause a new wave of anxiety. I closed my eyes, taking deep breaths. Now was
not the time to be worried. Until there was something to worry about, I needed to get a grip.
"My Bella," Edward murmured against me, his lips making a path across my cheek. I smiled at the familiar
caress and opened my eyes.
Edward looked down, his hair a tousled mess from my hands and the sheets. I smiled and pulled him down,
his body covering mine as we kissed. Before long we were moving against each other, my body craving
something that would relieve the tension that had been building for so long.
Edward stilled, panting, his head in the crook of my neck as he fought to control himself. My hands fisted in
the sheets, my body raging in indignation once again. But I didn't have to wait for long. After a brief pause,
Edward positioned himself between my legs, making sure we were exactly aligned. Suddenly wasn't ready.
The anxiety was back and I held my breath and tensed as he pushed into me.
It didn't feel too bad. He went slowly, achingly so, but that was what I needed. He pushed a little further and
I exhaled, trying to force myself to relax. Tensing wouldn't help either of us, so I willed myself to be calm. I
took a deep breath as I felt Edward shudder; he stilled and was obviously easing himself into this. I didn't
dare touch him, even if I wanted to. I needed him to hold and comfort me, but I knew he couldn't. He could
only comfort himself right now. Finally he seemed to have adjusted to the feeling and he relaxed, breathing
out and focusing away from me.
Then he moved. And it hurt. A lot. I tensed dramatically at the pain, but unlike before, Edward didn't stop. I
closed my eyes and grit my teeth against the pain, trying to block it out. He continued and I opened my
eyes. Suddenly this all felt wrong. Edward was looking away from me. Not at my eyes or my face, or
anywhere near me. Our bodies were together and I was fully in the moment, but he wasn't here with me. I
needed him because I was in pain, he needed me to not touch him, and it all didn't make any sense. The
anxiety became hurt, and the hurt turned to panic, and the panic turned to fear until I couldn't stop myself.
"Oh God it hurts," I cried, not being able to handle the discomfort any longer, my eyes slamming shut as I
threw my arms over my head, my hands hitting against Edward's chest in the process. I began to sob
uncontrollably, my body shaking, collapsing as Edward launched himself off of me. With his body no longer
covering mine, I was cold, and I curled up on my side, still shaking and sobbing. Silence filled the room until
I heard footsteps rustling and a door slam, which only made me cry harder.
I knew I needed to get up. I knew I needed to find Edward and sort this mess out as soon as I could. But I
was too raw and emotionally drained.
I just need... a minute. Just a minute...
I pulled the sheets over my head, just as I'd done as a child when I was scared of the dark. I wanted to hide
away from the things that scared me. I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply. I stayed like that; huddled away
until I was calm enough to stave off a full-blown meltdown.

I finally sat up, wincing as I did. I waddled out of bed and went to the bathroom to wash myself off. Then I
went back and grabbed my underwear, pulling it on along with my jeans. I paused before retrieving my top,
my eyes focused upon Edward's that was discarded beside it. I picked it up gingerly, feeling the fabric
between my fingers before throwing it over my head. I instantly felt a mixture of comfort and fear as his
smell invaded my senses. I wrapped my arms around my middle, feeling a little stupid that clutching his
shirt actually hurt a little.
A knock at the door made me jump, and I spun toward it, readying myself for what was to come.
"Bella? Bella, are you okay? Can I come in?"
My heart sank as Alice's voice floated through the door. I stepped back and sat dejectedly on the bed, more
disheartened than I should have been that it wasn't Edward.
"Yeah, come in," I answered,
The door opened, and I peeked up as Alice entered. She caught sight of me and her face fell.
"Oh, Bella," she said softly, dashing into the room and sitting beside me. She wrapped her arms around me,
and I sunk into her, closing my eyes. If Alice knew something was up, this wasn't a good sign.
"It will be okay, Bella," she said as she hugged me.
I nodded, agreeing with her despite the negative thoughts in my mind. It had to be okay. It just had to be.

~*~

Chapter Thirty-Four ~ Healing Touch

EPOV
I was panicking. I was aware that I was panicking, but I couldn't focus enough to let the panic stop and the
numbers make sense again. Time had passed, but I didn't know how long, and if I stopped to think about it,
the panic would become even worse. I didn't know what to do, since stopping and thinking was the only
way to make it better, but it made everything worse at the same time. However, since my lack of control
was making everything worse, I had to stop and think to gain the order I needed.
I dropped my head into my hands, counting the beats of the shower spray as it hit the walls. It was
soothing, and I concentrated on the pressure on my back for twenty seconds before allowing myself to
think back to what had led me here. By retracing my steps, I would be able to obtain all of the information
that would allow me to make an informed decision as to what to do next.
I had hurt My Bella. I knew that, statistically, this was a probable outcome, since the majority of women
experienced pain, or at least discomfort, during their first sexual experience. But theory and practice were
two entirely different things. Bella was hurt, and I was the cause of this pain. I couldn't allow her to be in
pain, so I stopped. Yet it seemed I was too late due to her lack of response. I could only conclude that I had
done something terrible, and had hurt her more than was to be expected.

The conclusion that I had done something wrong did not help me, and I couldn't focus on what was
important. My ability to remain in control had been pushed to its limits already. Sexual intercourse was a
challenge. There were points when I thought it was too much. My skin felt too tight and raw, my heart beat
erratically, and the sensations were just too powerful. I could taste and smell everything; it was unpleasant
in some respects, but not enough to make the experience terrible. It did feel good, and I concentrated on the
pleasure that I was feeling, concluding that if I focused on the enjoyable sensations, the unpleasantness
would not be as potent.
After Bella had cried in pain and we stopped, I was left with the product of our physical actions. I needed to
cleanse myself immediately, but My Bella hadn't moved. She needed help, but I couldn't give it to her in my
condition. I needed Alice. I put on my pants, trying to ignore how they felt against my dirty skin, and picked
up fresh clothes before leaving the room. I ran to Alice's door, knocking hastily three times, hoping she
would open the door instantly. The five seconds I had to wait only increased my need to shower.
"Hi, Edward... umm why don't you have a shirt on?"
I was frustrated since I really needed to ask for her help, and not answer all her questions. "I need to
shower, so there is no reason for me to put one on only to take it off. It was acceptable for me to put on
pants so I could get to you quickly and ask for your help," I answered.
Alice shook her head. "Okay, what do you need me to help you with?"
"It's Bella. She's hurt," I said, glad that we had gotten back to the situation at hand.
"What? Oh God, what's wrong with her? What happened?" Alice's voice was too loud, and it took me a
moment to respond to her questions.
"We had sex, and she's in pain. More than I think is normal. I need to shower. Please help her. Thank you," I
added before turning and running toward the bathroom.
I heard Alice call after me, and although it was rude to ignore her, I had more important matters to attend
to. It had taken me longer than I would have liked to adjust the shower to the correct setting. My hands
were shaking by the time I managed to create the right pressure and temperature, and I simply sat on the
floor.
I raised my head from my hands, pushing my hair away from my face. I recalled all that had led me to this
point, and while it helped me feel secure, it didn't help me understand what my next step should be. Having
no ultimate conclusion was worrying. I had no idea how I could make everything better.
I finally decided that I needed to speak to Bella so I could find out what was wrong, apologize, and try to
make it better. Therefore, I needed to finish my cleansing routine and get dressed. I smiled, feeling far more
content now that I had a course of action. It was a little distressing that I did not have my usual soap and
shampoo in this bathroom, but the alternative was not using anything, and that was not an option. I could
always shower again once everything with Bella was resolved.
Once I was ready and dressed, I emerged from the bathroom and began walking to my room. Yet as I
walked passed Alice's door, she opened it and addressed me.
"Edward, I need to speak to you. Now."

I needed to speak to My Bella immediately, but I had already ignored Alice once and knew I couldn't do so
again.
"I need to speak to Bella..."
"No, you don't," Alice retorted, cutting me off. Because she answered before I had a chance to finish, she
didn't have the full amount of information to answer the question, so I was just about to complete my
sentence, when she spoke again.
"Edward, Bella is busy right now. She's in the bathroom. May I please speak to you while she's in there?"
Since Alice was more aware of Bella's current schedule than I was, I decided to trust her. It made perfect
sense that I could speak to Alice while Bella was otherwise occupied.
"That sounds logical Alice, but I must speak to Bella as soon as she is finished with her bathroom routine," I
said.
"Bella said she won't be long, so you can get back to her soon enough," Alice informed me before stepping
out of the doorway and allowing me to enter her room.
I waited for her to choose her sitting position, so I would not intrude on her circle. Alice sat crossed-legged
on her bed, so I took the chair opposite her.
"Where is Jasper?" I asked.
"He went home a little while ago," she replied.
I stared at Alice, waiting for her to offer an explanation as to why Jasper left when his original plan was to
stay, but she was not forthcoming and instead went straight to talking about Bella.
"Edward, you understand why Bella was... hurting physically, right?" she asked, keeping her eyes fixed on
me. I looked away from her, but before I could answer, she spoke again.
"You don't need to go into detail. Just answer yes or no."
I waited for thirty-three seconds to see if Alice was going to say anything more, since I didn't want to
interrupt her. When she said nothing, I knew it was my turn to speak.
"Yes," I said, happy with how this conversation was going. If I could answer all of Alice's questions this way,
I would be able to see My Bella very soon.
"So glad I don't have to explain that. I can't believe I'm having this conversation."
"Why?" I asked, watching as Alice rearranged the pillows on her bed. I wanted to tell her she was putting
them all in the wrong places.
"It's just... never mind. Okay, well in light of... recent events, I have some advice that might be useful when
you go and talk to Bella," Alice said, spinning back around and facing me.

I frowned. "Alice, I don't know why your advice would be worth listening to. I need to ask My Bella why she
is upset and what I did wrong, and since you're not My Bella, you cannot help. You were not there while we
were having intercourse, so you cannot give me advice," I replied.
"I so need brain bleach now. Thanks Edward," Alice said, then dropped down and buried herself in her
pillows. Now there was no order to them whatsoever, and it was annoying.
"That would be painful and is impossible to do. If you attempted this procedure, you would most certainly
die, so please don't do it, since I don't want you to die," I said, trying to stop Alice from doing something
stupid.
She sat up and smiled at me, shaking her head. "I promise I won't Edward. Now, I'll tell you why you should
listen to me. Bella spoke to me while you were in the shower, so I understand what she's feeling. Also, while
I wasn't... there, I am a woman and have had similar experiences so I know what I'm talking about and can
relate to Bella. Do you want to listen to me?"
Although some of Alice's earlier comments made no sense, her current argument was reasonable. I felt
better knowing that she was constructing her arguments logically before she related them to me.
"Yes, I would."
"Good. Just try and listen to her Edward, even if you don't quite understand what's bothering her. You
understand that it's different for Bella on a physical level, but she's more upset on an emotional level, which
is understandable. I know you might find it hard to relate to, so I thought I should warn you," she said.
I was glad that My Bella wasn't hurt physically, but Alice's explanation confused me. Why was Bella upset?
She didn't tell me she was upset. She loved me, and I loved her, and that was why had decided to have a
physical relationship. Had that changed?
"Edward? Are you okay?" Alice asked, getting off the bed and walking the three spaces between the bed and
the chair.
"I don't understand," I said.
"I know, but Bella will be able to explain things to you. I just wanted to reassure you that you didn't hurt
her physically and to prepare you for what she was going to talk to you about. You did nothing wrong. Just
remember that, okay?"
"You know I didn't do anything wrong?" I asked.
Alice smiled. "Yes. I do. Now, go and talk to Bella. She's probably done by now."
I nodded and stood up, thanking Alice for speaking to me before leaving the room.
#~#~#
My Bella was sitting on my bed wearing my clothes when I entered. I liked that. She really was truly My
Bella then, in my clothes, on my bed, in our circle, and in my room. She smiled, but didn't say anything as I
shut the door. I was silent for eight seconds, not sure what to do.

"May I hug you, My Bella?" I asked, worried that she didn't want me to touch her. I wasn't sure if she still
loved me, and if she didn't, then she probably wouldn't want me to hug her.
"Of course, Edward," she said, holding her arms out to me. I smiled, quickly taking the seven steps to my
bed and pulling her close. I sat against the headboard, Bella curling up in my lap and running her hands
through my hair. I liked this and I didn't want it to stop.
"Alice told me that you were upset, and although she said I did nothing wrong, I still think I did. I'm sorry
that I hurt you physically and emotionally. I didn't know you were upset. Do you still love me?" I asked, the
words not connecting as they usually did.
"What?" Bella sat up, her hands moving from my hair to hold my face in her hands.
"Edward... can you look at me?"
I didn't want to, yet I didn't want her to be upset and I had already hurt her today, so I did. I closed my eyes
first and then made myself tilt my head up and look into her eyes. They stayed brown.
"I love you, Edward. That hasn't changed at all, I promise. I love you."
Then she kissed me, and I was glad because she'd closed her eyes, she still loved me, and I liked kissing her.
"I love you too, My Bella," I replied when we broke away.
Bella smiled. "Good. We do need to talk though... about what happened," she said, lying down and taking my
hand. I copied her, so that we were on our sides facing each other.
"We do. I need to understand what I did wrong," I said.
Bella sighed and gripped my hand tighter. "You didn't do anything wrong, Edward. What happened was
that we didn't communicate properly beforehand. We just assumed that we would be okay with taking this
step, and that it would be no different from what had happened before."
"It was different..." I said, "It was good, but very difficult for me to stay in control," I said.
Bella nodded, brought my hand up to her lips, and kissed it. "I know. It was really hard for you, and I tried
to alleviate your discomfort as much as possible, but it was difficult for me too. I needed you to comfort me,
but you couldn't because you needed to keep yourself in control."
I began to panic again. My Bella had needed me and I failed her. That was why she was so hurt. I hadn't
been able to help her when she was in pain.
"I'm so sorry I let you down."
"No, you didn't," Bella said and wrapped her arms around my neck.
"You didn't let me down Edward. I didn't tell you, so how could you have known? This isn't your fault. I
knew that you would find this difficult, but I knew that it would be hard for me too. I should have said
something," she said.

Even though I agreed, since I certainly did not know she was upset, I had done my research and knew she
would be greatly affected, emotionally and physically, by the experience. I had not taken enough care with
her.
"We shouldn't have sex again until we are ready," I said.
Bella nodded and smiled, looking up and running three fingers down my cheek.
"Are you in pain? I didn't like having to hurt you, My Bella."
She kissed me once, which was nice, but not an answer. She must have realized this, because she quickly
replied.
"No, I'm not. I'm just a little sore, but it's not bad at all. I had a bath, so I feel a lot better now."
"That's good," I said, kissing her, since this time as it was my turn.
Bella put her arm across my chest and cuddled up to me, her head resting on my shoulder. After three
minutes and eleven seconds, I could tell by her breathing that she had fallen asleep. I didn't mind though.
She was probably tired from our physical activity. Her falling asleep so soon meant that she was in need of
more rest.
I was just glad that we had worked together to discover how we should move forward. She still loved me,
even though we had not successfully completed the final physical stage of our relationship. I didn't mind
that it had failed. Most experiments fail on the first attempt, but it didn't mean that they wouldn't
ultimately succeed. I was sure that once Bella and I discovered what we needed, we would succeed. Until
then, I would wait patiently.

~*~

Epilogue ~ All that matters

BPOV
Sometimes I'm told how lucky I am. On days when Jasper forgets he needs to pick up Alice and she's
stranded for hours on the opposite side of town. Or when Emmett and Rose scream the house down for
hours, and then refuse to speak to each other for the rest of the week. When Angela and Ben argue over him
flirting with a girl at the bar. That's when my friends point out how lucky I am these things would never
happen to me.
There are also the times when I'm pitied. When Jasper surprises Alice with a romantic weekend vacation.
When Emmett suddenly kisses Rosalie and leaves her breathless, without a care who is watching and for no
reason other than because he can. When Edward has a bad day and I can't seem to do anything, but I'm the
only one who has any chance of helping. That's when they're all thankful for their own relationships and
think I'm a strong person for doing what I do.
The truth is, I'm not that strong. I'm just someone who fell in love with a marvelous man. I'm no different
from Alice, Rosalie and Angela in that respect.

I would be lying if I said that everything is perfect. There are days when I wonder how I do it; when Edward
and his routine or particular nature drive me crazy. Yet that's the same in every relationship. I know that
I'm happier with Edward than I could ever be without him. We work as a couple on our relationship.
There's nothing strange or difficult about that.
Edward has Aspergers syndrome. It's a fact. There's no complete cure and I doubt that in my lifetime there
ever will be. Yet I have to wonder if that even matters to me. Would I have had the same attraction to him if
he didn't have his logical mind? Or his view of world? Or the way he always treats me like I'm precious?
I don't love Edward because he has Aspergers. I don't love him in spite of it. I love him for more reasons
than I can count and reasons I can't even explain. I don't understand why that's such a hard concept for
some people to grasp. I doubt anyone could truly answer why they love someone. The fact that Edward has
this condition doesn't make it any different for me.
I know that in the future I'll have decisions to make that others won't. I know I'll have to make
compromises that others wouldn't even think about. But that's just how it works. I also know there are
things I will never have to worry about that other couples do. Relationships are different for everyone, no
matter how their minds work. We may not be conventional or normal to some, but it works for us.
And at the end of the day, that's really all that matters.

~*~

The End
~*~

Eye Contact Outtakes & Extras

Outtake #1 Alternate Chapter 13 Courage
EPOV
At precisely four o' clock I exited my car and made my way towards the entrance of Meadow View Academy. My
fingers tapped equal beats of five against my palm as I walked, the calm of the numbers helping my confusion
slightly.
I knew that what I was about to do was correct, as I had adhered to the advice of three people I trusted, yet I was
still not at ease. I had a problem that I had not been able to solve since last night, and that fact annoyed me. I
knew I wanted Bella to be my girlfriend, yet there was the issue that she maybe unavailable, then there would be
no use in my pursuing her. The only way I could determine if she was able to be with me was to give her all of the
information, as per the advice she had given me about Rosalie, and Rosalie had given me about Bella.
There was also the fact that even if she was single, she may not wish to have a boyfriend, and I may also not fit
her specifications for a boyfriend. Although I could see the ways we were compatible, she may wish for different
qualities. Someone who was older than she was, rather than the same age. Someone who had more experience in

romantic relationships. Someone who didn't wear glasses.

Someone who wasn't an aspie.
The last thought had occurred to me before I had gone to sleep. Bella had been a wonderful friend to me, always
trying to help me and encourage my social interaction. However, I knew that I could be a burden when I couldn't
understand something and did not react appropriately. Bella was more understanding, as she had to be due to her
profession, but that did not mean she would want to deal with having a boyfriend with Asperger's. When Emmett
was ten, he told all of his friends and teachers that he didn't have a brother because I embarrassed him. When he
was twelve, his friends came over after school. He had decided I was his brother then, which had confused me for
a long time because I was not sure what he wanted from me.
His friends were not nice to me. I didn't like thinking about it. That was the day Esme banned anyone else from
coming to our house without her permission. It was also the first and only time I had ever seen Emmett cry.
Emmett asked me to start running with him the next day and we developed a routine from there. Emmett always
made time for me in his schedule.
I did not know if my Aspergers would be a factor that would hinder a relationship with Bella. I could see why she
would not want to deal with someone like myself, even though she worked with children who suffered from
various forms of ASD. NT's often disliked doing too much of something. Alice had once attempted to explain that
if she did the same activity for a long period of time, it became tedious and dull. This seemed ridiculous. If I liked
a particular activity, I could continue to do it for as long as my routine would allow. NT's saw things differently.
For Bella, being with someone with AS may just be too much, and I might make her life tedious and dull.
I didn't want that to be true. I did not want her to reject me. I liked having Bella as a friend and because we were
so compatible, it made sense that we should make a functioning couple, yet I did not know if she would accept my
reasoning or wish for our current relationship to change. I could not let that stop me. If I did not ask, then I would
never discover an answer, which would be exceptionally stupid of me, as there is no point in contemplating a
question if one is not prepared to search for the answer.
I continued tapping five beats on my hand as I walked towards the music room. If I removed the comfort that
came from the continuing repetitions of five, then I would have to acknowledge I was out of my comfort zone. I
had no idea what the conclusion of this conversation would be, and I could not plan for every eventuality. If I
calculated all the probable outcomes that could occur, I would certainly plan for the most likely eventuality.
However, probability was not an actual answer, it was simply guess work, and I could not guess. I had to know or
I would not be able to cope with her reaction...
5, 10,15,20,25,30,35,40,45,50
The multiples of five continued to soothe me as I walked through the door at the usual time. I was startled to find
that Bella was already sitting there. That was not normal. I was meant to arrive first. That was what always
happened. I was stunned, and I attempted to keep calm. All that I knew was slipping away from me. I removed
my gaze from Bella, and instantly felt mortified that I had disturbed her. I had not knocked on the door when
entering, something that was both rude and wrong of me. I apologized swiftly, so that she would know how bad I
felt.
"It's fine Edward. You didn't disturb me at all. I was early and simply waited for you. Please come in," she said.
I smiled, thankful that Bella was allowing me into her circle. Now that my apology had been accepted, we were
back on track. I took a moment to organize my thoughts, reciting a few multiples of nine in my head for good
measure before I spoke.

"I really need to talk to you,"

I was shocked that Bella's voice echoed my own, and automatically found myself feeling annoyed. Bella was not
meant to want to speak to me at the same time. This was not how it was supposed to happen. Nothing was going
the way that it was meant to, and I was finding it difficult to cope. Then Bella quickly insisted that I speak first.
While I desperately wanted to, Dr Cullen had always told me to obey the phrase "Ladies first." So I had to, as a
gentleman, allow her to speak first.
"No Bella, you should speak first, it would be impolite for me to," I replied. However, Bella simply said again
that she wished me to speak first. I didn't want to deny her anything. It was important to me that Bella remained
happy, and if my speaking first made her happy, then I would speak first.
I told her I didn't want to disappoint her, and she had no objection, so I began my explanation, recounting the
events of the past few days, explaining how I had come to the decision that I needed to tell her of my wish for her
to be my girlfriend. I methodically continued to pace, the numbers grounding me as I did something I had always
been afraid to do:
I was blindly walking into a situation. It was reckless and stupid, yet it was the only logical way I could get the
outcome I desired.
I had no idea how Bella was taking my words, except for the fact that she had originally been confused. Now that
I had begun my explanation in full, she adopted an unusual stance. She was leaning forward, her hands clutching
her stomach. I wondered if she was cold, attempting to preserve body heat by hugging herself. I would have to ask
her about that once I finished. If she was, I would give her my jacket. I was at a comfortable temperature and I
didn't want her to be cold.
"That person is you Bella," I announced, coming to the crux of my speech. I was slightly concerned by the fact
that, once I said those words, Bella stopped breathing. For twenty one seconds. That was odd, and worrying. I
waited to see if I needed to call 9-1-1. I wondered if she had some sort of medical condition I was unaware of.
Either that or she had stopped breathing of her own accord. That would be beyond idiotic, and Bella was not an
idiot, so there had to be another explanation. After she began breathing once more, she appeared to be in no
immediate danger, so I continued speaking.
"I was informed that you may already have a boyfriend called Jacob, but I received inconclusive information. I
know if you are already in a relationship then I cannot be your boyfriend. However, Rosalie advised me to give
you all of the information and allow you to make your own decision," I finished, grateful that at least this part of
my plan had gone correctly. Now I simply had to wait for the answer.
Bella stood, walking towards me, and I chanced a look at her eyes. I trusted Bella, so I hoped that she would not
try to speak to me through her eyes. I liked her eyes. Right now, they reminded me of Sunday mornings, warm
and deep and tangible. Yet I had to look away, as the more I focused on them, the more likely they were to speak.
"I am not in a relationship with Jacob. I don't have a boyfriend. Not at all. I'm alone as well."
Numbers.
Bella's words caused them to rush back to me, concrete and unfailing. The second half of the equation was falling
into place. I could logically infer the result of both mine and Bella's declarations. However, once I had gotten over
the initial rush of success, I realized that Bella had not actually expressed a want to be with me. Just because she
was available did not mean she would want me.

"Edward, you are my specifications,"

Her words cast my mind into shock. Bella instantly began reaffirming her words, but I preferred her first
declaration. I was her specifications. I was what she wanted. It didn't matter that I had glasses, or Asperger
Syndrome, because I was what she wished for in a partner. Me. Edward. It was difficult for me to focus on what
she was saying, which was something I felt guilty about, but I did manage to catch that she was still concerned as
to whether I would want her. Normally, I would become frustrated at having to repeat my words, yet I didn't mind
telling Bella again that I wanted to be hers. I actually liked saying it. It was not tedious or dull. I could probably
continue to say it for hours, yet that would not be practical.
I watched as Bella slowly reached out and touched her hand to mine. I felt it everywhere. My toes, my head, even
my ears. I liked it. A lot. I wanted more, so I gently began exploring Bella's hand, relishing in this overload of the
senses. I knew that I was more sensitive to touch than NT's, thus I had avoided physical contact unless it was
necessary. I couldn't help at this moment but wonder why. This feeling, just dragging my fingers tips across her
hand felt... electric. As I reached Bella's fingertips again, she clasped my hand, and I almost sighed at the feeling
of having her hand intertwined with mine. She was here, with me. I could feel her. I instantly wanted to hug her,
to feel her hold onto me as proof that she was mine. My Bella. She was here with me to stay. I was worried that a
hug would be deemed inappropriate, so I simply stared at our joined hands in awe.
I wasn't alone anymore.
I had my Bella.

~*~

Outtake #2 Extra Chapter Whatever It Takes

ESME POV
There was something wrong with my son.
I bit back the overwhelming fear and culpability the statement produced within me. My eyes filled with tears and
for the first time today I didn't have the strength to stop them. Through blurred vision I stared down at the small
boy curled up against me. Edward was sleeping on my chest, his hands fisted in my sweater. If I moved even an
inch, he would whimper and desperately try to find me again. He liked to be held, always trying to snuggle into
me whenever I was near. It was endearing, but it was a habit I knew would not last much longer. Emmett had
already decided he was too grown up to be tucked in at night. It would not be long before Alice and Edward
followed suit.
Yet despite these calm and precious moments that I cherished, I could no longer deny that my son was not
perfectly normal. I ran my hand through his hair gently, smiling as he inched closer to me. His teachers did not
know what to do with him. He had been in school for a year, yet had never even tried to interact with another
child. He had always been shy growing up, not looking directly at people if they spoke to him, but he and his
sister were almost inseparable, so I had no idea why he had so much trouble at school.
He was distracted easily. He wouldn't focus on a task, and could hardly ever keep still. He would rock backwards
on his chair constantly, or tap his hand while the teacher was speaking. If they told him to stop, he would ignore

them. Edward was exceptionally intelligent. My little genius. His teacher had expressed the thought that it might
possibly be the lack of academic stimulation that was making him so disruptive. I wouldn't be surprised. Emmett
had overheard me and Carlisle discussing the issue, and had decided to see if his little brother could do his math
problems.
It was the first time my eldest ever received a gold star in math. It immediately made me suspicious. When
pressed, he told me what he had done.
Then there were the times when Edward lost control. I closed my eyes tightly to prevent another wave of guilt
from taking over. I knew what the other parents said about me. Thinking I didn't discipline my children, indulged
them to the point where they would scream and cry if they didn't get their own way. I had tried with Edward. God,
how I had tried. I used the same methods I had with Alice and Emmett, and they had no trouble with the word
'no'. Edward was another story. He would scream, cry, hit the floor and pull at his own hair if things did not go his
own way. I couldn't stop him. If I ignored him, he wouldn't stop; he would continue and often end up hurting
himself. If I tried to hold him, he would jerk away, shaking his head and rocking. He hated people coming near
him when he was in those moods. If one of us came too close he would scream bloody murder until we left him
alone. Then he would come back to me, cuddling into my lap, wanting to read stories. As if nothing had
happened.
I was scared. Scared of my own five year old son. I just couldn't reach him, and I couldn't understand why he was
acting that way. I must have failed in my duties as a mother, yet I didn't know what more I could have done, and
he couldn't vocalize what he needed from me.
In the back of my mind I knew things had been wrong for a while. I told myself that I was reading too much into
things, becoming paranoid. I had assumed that his tantrums were a sign of normal rambunctiousness and that it
was just a phase he was going through. After today I knew that I could no longer ignore the situation.
Earlier today I had collected my three babies from school, as I usually did. Alice ran out with a picture in hand,
which she proudly showed me. I was torn between despair and amusement that she had gotten more paint and
sparkles on her than the paper. Edward arrived soon after, automatically reaching his hands up to me in order to
be held. Emmett arrived late, smiling and jumping as he announced he had scored the winning basket in his basket
ball game in gym. His excitement had not abated by the time we arrived home, and he begged me to come outside
and watch him play. I had agreed, and after dinner we all went out to the backyard. Alice and Edward played
contentedly a few feet away, Alice with her dolls and Edward with his model village, while Emmett shot baskets.
All had been perfectly fine, until Emmett miscalculated a shot. The ball hit the rim of the basket and angled off
towards my two youngest. I barely had time to turn and face them before Edward's shrieking began. He was
distraught, crying and rocking, causing Alice to run away from her brother in fear. I couldn't understand it. The
ball had missed him, yet he was throwing a tantrum, smashing up his village and tearing at Alice's dolls. I didn't
know what to do with him. He screamed louder when I approached, as if he was afraid of me. I tried to reason
with him, attempting to be heard over his cries and anguished sobs. Alice was scared, gripping my leg, crying
over the fate of her dolls and asking if her brother was crazy. Emmett was fed up with him, calling him names and
whining that Edward was ruining his game. All the while, my baby screamed.
"Mommy, mommy, Edward's killing Susie! Mommy, make him stop, please mommy!"
"Mom, I wanna shoot more hoops. Edward's being a baby. He just wants attention."
"Mommy, Chrissie is my favorite. Save her, please, please. Mommy, why is Edward hurting my dollies?"
"Edward, you're such a brat, you always ruin everything. Mom, can't you leave him? He'll stop in a minute and I

really want you to see!"

I snapped. It was too much.
I yelled at Emmett, telling him to get to his room, screaming louder than I ever had at my children. Emmett had
stared at me in horror, the pain clear in his eyes, before turning and walking to the house without another word.
Alice automatically ceased clutching my leg, a fresh wave of tears drenching her face. I tried to reach out to her,
to console and apologize, but she simply sobbed harder and ran towards Emmett.
I paused in my thoughts as I noticed Edward stir in his sleep, an adorable frown appearing on his forehead. I
slowly raised an arm to wipe the tears that had fallen during the past few moments. It was hard to believe that this
was the same boy I had forcefully dragged kicking and screaming into the house. He'd cried until he vomited.
Only then was he able to calm down. I had cleaned him up and put him to bed, his tantrum leaving him exhausted.
Once he calmed down, he was fine, cuddling and asking for a story when I came to tuck him in. It was as if I had
two sons with the same likeness.
The damage I had done to Alice and Emmett haunted me.
Emmett wouldn't speak to me. He had locked his door, and no amount apologies would grant me entrance. I had
made my seven year old son hate me. My little girl cried herself to sleep, her lavender pillows stained with
sparkles and tears. I had failed them all today, and I could never forgive myself for it.
I looked up as the door creaked open, and my husband entered the room. My heart lightened as he approached,
still in his scrubs, walking to my son's bedside and kneeling. I could see the effects of his increased hours in his
face, the dark circles and permanent expression of fatigue making my heart ache. Carlisle leaned forward, his lips
finding mine with a kiss of love and comfort, which I desperately craved. He broke off, his forehead resting
against my own, and I felt my eyes begin to sting.
"It was bad, wasn't it?" he whispered, reaching up to wipe away the tears as they escaped.
"My baby girl cried herself to sleep because of me," I replied, a note of hysteria creeping into my voice even at
the low pitch, "Emmett hates me. I shouldn't have shouted at him, but Edward was out of control and I couldn't
think clearly. I can't... Carlisle, Edward's not right. It's like he's split in two. I don't know how to help him, how to
make my little boy better," I broke off, dangerously close to breaking down.
"Shhh... my love, it's alright," Carlisle whispered, his fingers making soothing motions over my cheeks. I calmed
slowly at his touch and voice as he continued to whisper to me. Once he was satisfied that I was faring better, he
stood and walked over to the other side of Edward's bed. I smiled as he joined us, his eyes glued to our youngest
as he put an arm around my shoulders, our heads resting together. He sighed, and I turned my head to lean against
his shoulder.
"I'll talk to someone in Pediatrics tomorrow. He'll be diagnosed and treated by the best. Nothing's too good for my
little boy," he muttered, partly to himself, as I nodded into his shoulder.
"Thank you," I replied, my arms tightening around my baby.

~*~

Outtake #3 Future Shot

BPOV
You are qualified for your position, you have a large amount of experience in the field and you have good
references from your previous employers. This means that you have a high chance of success, My Bella.
I nodded, not really taking in the encouragement that Edward was giving me. I had less than ten minutes until I
needed to leave for my interview, and I was too nervous to do anything other than watch the hands of the clock
move.
However, given the state of the economy, there are more people than ever looking for work and the teaching
field is becoming increasingly difficult to break into. You dont have a large amount of teaching experience and
youre only twenty-two. Perhaps they would favor someone with more teaching experience. This is also your
fourth interview, and you have not been successful yet. I can only draw the conclusion that you have terrible
interview skills.
I glared at Edwards smiling face. I was this close to screaming at him.
Edward, I said through clenched teeth, I have to leave in... six minutes. I would really like to leave on a
positive note, I explained.
Edward stared at me silently, thinking hard on what Id said. Alice entered the room, waving her keys at
me. Seeing my panicked expression, her face fell.
Bella, they wouldnt have asked you for an interview if they didnt think you were worth their time. You are
worth their time, and you know it. Stop with the negativity, its not going to get you anywhere, she chided.
Yes, it has been proven in studies that mental attitude can affect body language, which, I am told, is important in
situations like this. I dont understand this theory, but many agree with it, Edward chimed in.
Thanks... I think, I said, feeling like I was going to be sick. I turned to Alice, nervously twisting my hands
together.
May we go?
Between Edwards observations and my own nerves, I really needed to get out of here. Suddenly, I was dragged
back into Edwards arms. I stiffened, but then relaxed almost instantly.
He kissed my neck once before whispering to me, I am sorry if I upset you, I was only being honest. I think that
you will be an excellent and effective teacher. I hope that you get the job.
I smiled, turning and kissing him once before dragging my eyes to the clock. As if sensing the spike of panic,
Alice clapped her hands, the noise causing Edward to jump.
Okay, time to go, Bella! Wish her luck, Edward! She called, grabbing my hand and dragging me away.
There is no such thing as luck, but I am hoping that Bellas interview skills have improved!
I laughed as Alice and I hurried to the car, feeling lighter and slightly more confident. I needed to remember to
stay positive. I knew what I was doing, and I could get through this.
I just have this feeling, Alice stated confidently as she pulled out of the driveway, and I think this is the one.

I just nodded, my nerves flaring up again. I needed to distract myself rather than focus on my interview.
I could have driven myself. You didnt have go out of your way, I said, still feeling guilty.
Not a problem, I need to go into town anyway. Besides, I saw how shaky you were when you came home from
the last one; you could barely hold the wheel! Im not letting you anywhere near a car until tomorrow.
I sighed, but agreed silently, remembering with a grimace how shot my nerves had been after the last few
interviews.
Deciding that it was probably not to remember past experiences, I started asking Alice about her job. Unlike me,
she had branched into a more advisory position, helping parents who had young children with Autism. Shed
been snapped up almost instantly, and loved what she did. I was beyond jealous of her.
We parked outside the school, Alice skidding into a space and breaking too sharply, making me lurch forward. I
glared at her as she shut off the engine, but she took no notice.
Okay, just give me a call when youre done and Ill meet you out front, okay?
Right, I said, shakily unlocking my seatbelt and getting out of the car, Alice following suit. She pulled me into
a hug before I walked into the building.
You know what you need to do. Youll be fine, believe me.
I nodded, not really sure why Alice was suddenly so sure about this. I just hoped that her confidence would
somehow rub off on me.
#~#~#
I got the call while I was in the grocery store. I stood in the frozen food aisle, trying to act professional and
sensible while I accepted, when all I really wanted to do was scream and jump up and down. I resisted the urge
to ask the woman to repeat herself, and just decided to trust that I wasnt dreaming.
It didnt stop me from practically skipping through my shopping, racing home, and bursting through the door as if
I was being chased. Charlie jumped up, spilling his beer down his shirt in the process. He frowned in annoyance,
but before he could say anything, I explained
I got the job! They just called me!
I continued to resist the urge to jump up and down like a child, and it looked like Charlie was finding it difficult to
know how to react. In the end, he settled for pulling me into a tight hug. I smiled and closed my eyes, knowing
that Charlie didnt exactly like physical affection. I didnt even mind getting the beer on me.
We should... celebrate. Go out for dinner? Charlie suggested with a shrug.
Sounds good. Though I should probably call a few people before we go, I replied.
He looked down. "Great. Ill change my shirt while you do that.
I laughed. I would have to change mine too.

Dont forget to call your mother, he warned as I raced up the stairs.

Right! I yelled.
Bella?
I paused at the top of the landing, leaning over it.
You should probably invite Alice and Edward. Im pretty sure the two of them will want to see you tonight.
I frowned. Are you sure? I asked, figuring hed wanted to do a father-daughter evening, but he smiled and
nodded.
Its a celebration, Bells. The more the merrier.
In the end, our celebration turned into most of the Cullen household, with Charlie and me. Alice had finally been
the one to indulge me in my childish reaction, as we both gasped and screamed over me finally being
employed. She gave the phone over to Edward, who informed me that he was pleased Id improved and was
successful. Before I knew it, I was meeting the two of them at the restaurant, with Esme and Emmett in
tow. After the congratulatory words and hugs, we ordered drinks and settled down for dinner.
My Bella, as long as I can read that poster over there, I will know that I am not affected by my drink, Edward
whispered, taking a tiny sip of his beer.
I shook my head, Edward, youve had the same beer since we arrived. I dont think youre going to be affected,
I said.
I hope so. I dont want my inhibitions to be lowered. I do enjoy this beer though.
I sighed and kissed him once before turning back to my dinner. Even after legally being allowed to drink, I could
count on one hand the number of times Edward had actually drank anything. Some things would probably never
change.
So, now that you have the job, when are you going to be moving out? Cant live off Chief Swan forever!
Emmett said with a laugh.
Im pretty sure Ive been living off her. Or at least her cooking, Charlie said, smiling in a way that made my
heart break a little. He knew that I wasnt going to be around forever, and he was at peace with that. I wasnt
sure I was. The thought of moving out and living by myself was a little too much for my mind to take right now.
Eventually, My Bella and I will be living together, so she will not be staying with Chief Swan forever, Edward
answered before taking a bite of his dinner.
I froze as a shocked silence fell upon the table. Charlie was glaring at Edward, and Esme didnt look any
happier. Emmett looked vaguely amused, his eyes darting between Charlie and Esme. Alice glanced around
before picking up the bottle of wine.
Drink, anyone?
#~#~#

My Bella, you cant add the sauce until the chicken is done. It doesnt work that way. You are also stirring it
incorrectly. Id better do it, Edward said, taking the spoon out of my hand before I could even utter a word
.
Fine, I hissed, turning away and marching into the living room. I dropped onto the sofa, pulling a pillow over
my head and shutting out the world. I should not have come here today, but it was Friday and I didnt want to
throw Edward off. These last two days had done my head in. I had a new pupil in my class who wasnt used to a
classroom setting and was taking her time adjusting. All my energy was focused on keeping the rest of the class
happy and trying to include her in everything. I had a large bruise on my thigh where Id been kicked today, and
my head was killing me. I wanted to crawl into bed and sleep it away.
It was hard, at times to balance working with autistic children and spending my free time with my autistic
boyfriend. At times, I wanted out. Not my job, or relationship, necessarily. I just wanted to relax at home and
leave everything that had to do with my job behind. Edward was nothing like the kids I worked with, but on days
like this, the logical way his mind worked aggravated me, even though I usually found it endearing.
Most of the time I was perfectly okay with it, and had enough friends and colleagues to keep me sane, but
sometimes if work was particularly stressful, it was tough. I loved Edward with all my heart, but on days like
this, he drove me mad. I felt awful about it. We hardly got to see each other anymore since we were both so
busy, but I still probably should have waited till tomorrow to come over.
Bella?
Edward sat down beside me, and gently took the pillow off of my head. I smiled as he smoothed the hair off my
face, staring down at me.
What are you doing? he asked, obviously confused.
My head hurts and I needed to lie down, I explained, feeling too drained to really go into detail. Edward
automatically placed the back of his hand against my forehead.
You dont appear to have a fever, but I should probably get a thermometer for an accurate reading. I hope
youre not sick, he said.
I sighed and sat up, shaking my head.
Im not sick, Edward, dont worry. I just had a rough day at work.
Edward was silent for a moment. Then he wrapped his arms around me and gently lowered us down onto the sofa,
curling me up in his arms.
Dinner will not be ready for seventeen minutes, my Bella. You should relax until then. Is this okay, or does it
make it worse? he asked, kissing my temple.
I smiled and closed my eyes.
It makes things better. Thank you, Edward.
We lay like that for a while, and I was almost asleep when our seventeen minutes were up. I wandered to the
kitchen, grabbing us plates and silverware. I was feeling better, and as usual, Edwards cooking was
great. Although he still found it difficult to deter from his usual meals, he tried to add some variety.

We ate in comfortable silence for a few moments, before he carefully put down his knife and fork.
My Bella, I still need to know if you will say yes if I ask you to marry me. Its been six months and I have still
not gotten an answer from you..
I really began to wish I hadnt come over. Of all the nights that Edward had to bring up this question, it had to be
when my patience was already wearing thin.
Edward, its really too soon to be thinking about that. Marriage is big step, and were hardly in the right place in
our lives to be able to make those sorts of decisions. We both still live at home, and neither of us earns much
money. I just dont think its the most important thing to concentrate on right now, I babbled, my words
escaping before I could force them to make sense.
Edward sat still, absorbing all that I had said, and I waited to see what he made of it.
I am not proposing to you now, My Bella, I have explained this before. Its an easy concept to grasp. I need to
know what your answer will be, since it will affect our futures. I cannot plan if you dont tell me what will
happen. I keep having to repeat myself since youre not listening.
Im listening, Edward, Im just not able to give you the answer you need, I said.
Why not?
Because I dont know whats going to happen! I cried, losing my calm and throwing my hands in the air in
frustration. I dont know where our relationship will be in two months, let alone two years. I cant tell you that
Im going to say yes because I dont know how Ill feel then. I never believed I would get married, and Im not
even sure I want to!
Silence reigned once my tirade was finished. Edward was staring down at his plate, tapping the table in a steady
rhythm. He continued to create a rhythm for a few minutes, then finally spoke.
You dont want to get married. Marriage is the final sign of a committed relationship and you dont want that for
us. Therefore, you dont want us to be together, he said
.
No. No, thats not what I said, I replied, panic replacing my previous frustration.
This was what I had feared would come of this conversation. Edward couldnt envision a scenario where we
werent married, and I couldnt promise him something when I wasnt sure it would happen.
Edward, I love you. You know this. I want to be with you, but I cant promise you something when Im not
sure I can keep my promise. I dont believe that people have to be married to have a successful relationship, and
up until now I didnt even think that marriage would be an option for me. I just... I dont know how Ill feel in
three or four years time, so I cant tell you if Ill say yes or not.
We were quiet once again, my head pounding, the stress of this conversation and the day hitting me hard.
I do not think I can be in a relationship with you if you will not marry me, Edward said, not even trying to look
at me.
I heard what hed said, but it was blocked, muffled and elongated and I had a hard time making sense of it. There

was nothing I could say. I couldnt force myself to make my mind understand what was happening. I sat there,
frozen and falling as Edwards words hung in the air.
You dont want us... to be together? I said my voice stumbling.
I do, but I am not sure that we can. I need to re-think this before I make any decisions, Edward replied, his
eyes lowered, his dinner remaining untouched. My fork fell off my plate with a clang, but neither of us
reacted. There was too much going on in our minds to even notice anything else.
#~#~#
I was home about six minutes before I picked up the phone and dialed. My mind was still numb and reeling, but
in the back of my mind, I knew that I had to talk to someone.
Edward just broke up with me, I announced the second she picked up the phone.
There was a silence before Rosalie replied, Im not sure Im the person you should be calling. Im thinking of
coming home and kicking his ass right now.
No, youre the perfect person. I need that. I need for you to help me work out what just happened, I said, my
voice faltering.
Bella. Listen. Stop pacing, because I can hear you and its pissing me off. Sit down, and calm down, Rosalie
said, using the voice reserved for talking to young children. I closed my eyes as I flopped down on my bed. I
waited for a few moments, trying to get my thoughts in order.
What actually happened?
I kept my eyes closed as I repeated our evening, as if it was something that Id seen in a movie rather than actually
living it. My voice remained steady and monotone as I gave her a summary.
Well... okay, that seems pretty final to me...
I didnt let her finish before a sob burst from my throat. I threw the hand that was holding the phone over my
eyes as I began to shake. I couldnt breathe; a hysterical half-choking, half-crying sound the only thing that
would come out of me. My head ached and my eyes stung from a mixture of my tears and the wool of my
sweater.
It cant be final... this cant be it... it cant...
The mantra cycled through my head as the tears came, the pain really setting in now that someone else had
confirmed this was real.
Bella, stop fucking crying and talk to me!
Rosalies scream stopping me in my tracks, and I brought the phone back to my ear.
Rose... I said, my voice cracking.
Bella, seriously, calm down now. Listen to me, and dont speak. As I was saying, it seems pretty final that
Edward wants a sign of commitment from you. Yeah okay, he said marriage, but youve told me before that he

sees that as the only conclusion of a successful relationship. Maybe you could meet him halfway. I know, you
have your own views on marriage, but there has to be something that can have a similar meaning. If youd
actually sat down and thought for a moment, then maybe this would have occurred to you. Next time youre this
tired, cancel all your plans and go to bed. Youre useless.
I managed to laugh, my mind feeling a little steadier. After a few more minutes of brutal advice and
reassurances, we hung up, and I automatically dialed the Cullen house. I silently prayed that Alice wouldnt
answer the phone, not wanting to have to explain to her what had happened. Edward avoided speaking on the
phone unless it was absolutely necessary, so even if he hadnt mentioned anything to her, this would be a dead
giveaway. I loved Alice, but at times she did want to be a helping hand in mine and Edwards relationship. She
still had a problem letting her brothers business lie.
Thankfully Carlisle answered, and although he seemed somewhat, he didnt ask me any further questions. I
waited while he went to see if Edward was able to talk. I picked my nails and drummed my toes on the floor until
Edwards voice came on the line.
My Bella, is there something wrong? You do not call me unless there is a problem. Whats happened?
My Bella. As soon as I heard the term of endearment, relief washed over me. I was still his Bella. All couldnt
be lost if he was still addressing me that way
.
I need to talk to you, Edward. Im sorry for interrupting.
If it was important enough for you to call at this time, then it is fine, he replied, and fell silent.
Edward, Im sorry about what happened tonight. I was exhausted and not thinking clearly,
I steadied myself, knowing that now I really needed to express myself properly.
I want to be with you. I love you, and I cant imagine my life without you. Its just that, committing to
marriage at this stage in our lives isnt necessarily the best idea. Marriage for you doesnt mean the same as it
does for me. To me, it doesnt mean anything other than a piece of paper and a loss of independence. Being
married doesnt mean a relationship will last. Many fail. I dont need a ceremony with hundreds of people to
know that I have a successful relationship. I know I do with you Edward, and I hope you think so too. As long
as we know, why do we need a certificate that proves nothing? I asked.
There was silence, and I clamped my eyes shut on instinct as I waited for his reply.
That does make sense. I do think it is something I must now take into consideration. I am still not sure that I
agree with you, but your argument is sound. This is certainly something to think about. Thank you, My Bella.
The shock that I felt about how easy that was disappeared quickly once relief and embarrassment took over. Yes,
this had been a serious conversation, one that potentially could have been make or break for our relationship,
but Id freaked out when I should have thought about it. I was usually on top of my game, always thinking things
through before I spoke. I couldnt believe that Id been so stupid. Now that everything seemed to be back on
track, and Edward and I were communicating again, I felt so much better.
I need to go to bed, My Bella or I will not get the correct amount of sleep. I will see you on Sunday, Edward
said, breaking through my thoughts.
Yes, Ill see you then.

I love you, My Bella.

I love you too, I said before ending the call, unable to keep the smile off my face.
I flipped back onto my bed, exhausted and drained. It seemed simple on some level. All I needed to do was
compose a rational argument to help Edward see where my thoughts came from, but thinking rationally doesnt
always come easy, especially when my thoughts didnt necessarily come from a rational place. I sighed and
stood, more than ready for bed.
#~#~#
I sat on the piano bench, absorbed in the music that echoed around the room. Edward was now working as a
composer for the music program at the University of Seattle. I was always the first to hear whatever new piece
hed composed. He also occasionally did work for the local garage, but that was only when they were short on
staff. Wed been searching for an apartment for the past few weeks, and had another appointment lined up for
later today.
I was beginning to wonder if we would ever find somewhere that was suitable for us to live that was within our
price range. To make matters worse, Esme insisted on accompanying us every time we went to look at a
place. Her ideas on what was suitable for her son were even higher than Edwards, and after wed only seen two
places, I was convinced that she was trying to make Edward stay at home.
Id tried speaking to Edward about this, but he seemed to believe that having Esme come along was a good
idea. Shed lived with him all of his life, and knew more about the housing market than either of us, so there was
nothing I could do but grin and bear it. It was somewhat insulting. We were twenty-three-years-old, but needed
a parent to accompany us.
My Bella, did you enjoy it?
I smiled and kissed him on the cheek.
I did. It was wonderful, just like all your pieces are. I think it will be very suitable, I answered. Id learned
that if I just told him I liked it, that wasnt sufficient. I had to comment on the purpose of the piece, or he would
think there was something wrong.
A knock at the door alerted us to Esmes presence, and I sighed as Edward let her in.
Are you two ready? Its five to, she said, pointing to her watch.
We still have five minutes. We will be ready to leave then, Edward announced, and I tried to hide my grin as
he effectively dismissed her.
Since we have five minutes, my Bella, I am going to kiss you, Edward said as the door closed. I grinned and
dipped my head, kissing him first. I loved that he still announced when he wanted to kiss me, something that I
was almost certain would never change.
Intimacy had been difficult for us at first, but like all other aspects of our relationship, it was just a matter of time
and experience. I sighed into the kiss, trying not to fall backwards into the piano. I was pretty sure Edward
wouldnt be happy if I did. I wound my hands in his hair, always moving, always touching and keeping him
close.

His fingers traced patterns on my skin, the small amount of pressure causing heat. His hand moved higher, going
down my spine with his fingertips, making me arch into him. Then, much to my annoyance, he stilled and pulled
away, removing his left hand to check his watch.
Its time to go, My Bella we need to leave in one minute, he announced, standing and offering a hand to me.
I sighed and took it, standing from the piano bench and adjusting my shirt. Esme was standing by the front door,
and I watched as she looked between Edward and me. She frowned in disapproval, and walked to the car, not
bothering to address us. I rolled my eyes and held Edwards hand. I couldnt wait to have a place of our own.
#~#~#
Weve been to seven places. At least three of them were more than suitable, but nooo, they werent right for
mommy, I said, knocking back the last dregs of my drink.
Then I glanced at Alice. Sorry, no offense.
She laughed. Oh, I know how she is. I agree with you completely. I dont know what she expects you and
Edward to afford on your salaries.
She just wants to keep her precious baby at home, I muttered, causing Ben to laugh and Alice to glare.
Thats a little unfair. I dont think she expects Edward to live at home forever. She wants to make sure that the
place is up to her standards..
Her standard is her own house, I replied. Alice contemplated this for a moment, and then admitted defeat.
I cant live at home anymore. Im the only person I know who still does. I love Charlie, I really do, but hes
driving me insane, I moaned.
Are you sure you cant afford to live alone? Angela asked, returning to our table with another round. I thanked
her and sipped my drink.
I want to live with Edward, but I guess Ill have to get my own place for a while.
No one said anything for a moment, and I started to feel guilty. What had started as a casual conversation had
turned into a huge rant.
Sorry to bring you all down, I said, grimacing.
Angela shook her head. Dont be sorry. Weve all ranted enough to you over the years. What does Edward
think of the place you looked at? Any he liked?
Yes, a few, but he trusts Esmes opinion over anything else. I tried talking to him about, but it just seemed
pointless after a while.
Well, its always worth trying again, Ben said. Now that youve seen even more places, he might be more
receptive. Anyway, you women like to nag, he said with a grin, almost spilling his beer as Angela elbowed him.
I laughed. The tension broken and as conversation flowed, I tried to forget my problems.

Alice dropped me at the Cullens house on her way home. Shed moved into an apartment with a friend from
work four months ago, and I was infinitely jealous of the freedom she had. The annoyance at my current living
situation only increased as I trudged up the steps to the Cullen house. I couldnt wait for the day when I could go
see Edward without having to be let in by his mother or father.
After a short conversation with Carlisle, I climbed the stairs and made my way to Edwards room. I knocked,
waiting for his permission before entering.
What are you doing? I asked in amazement as I stepped through the door.
Edward was seated on the floor, surrounded by paper and colored pens. He looked up at me and smiled, carefully
avoiding the papers as he came to greet me.
Hello, My Bella, he said, kissing me once, how was your evening?
It was good, thank you. What have you been doing? I asked, gesturing to the floor.
Ive been looking at the apartments we have viewed so far. I have listed the pros and cons of each building, the
expenses, and the opinions of each place when we looked at them, he explained, taking my hand and leading me
to his work.
I sat down beside him, staring in awe at all the work hed done. I had no idea that hed been considering this so
carefully.
Pros are in blue, cons in green, expenses in red, my opinions are in black and Esmes are in brown. You may
have the purple pen, he said, smiling and handing it over. Esme had helped with this? I was relieved to be wrong
about her.
Umm... thank you, I said, taking the pen and letting Edward show me where to start. I knew he had a system,
so I let him guide me. As I wrote, we talked, reminding each other of the things that had stood out about each
apartment and Edward recalling more of what Id said at the time.
I still think the fourth place we saw is the best. It fits our needs, its close to my work and yours, and the utilities
are included in the rent. Its smaller than the others, and price-wise it will take some balancing, but I like it the
best, I said.
Edward nodded, then reached out and handed me his notes.
I believe that it is also the best. The pros outweigh the cons. We should call the real estate agent in the
morning. I hope that we are not too late, he said, wrapping an arm around me.
I think well be okay, I answered, leaning into him. I took the sheet with the picture of the apartment on
it. This could be ours. Our home, together, like it should be.
I cant wait to live together, I said, turning in Edwards arms and kissing him deeply.
It will not be long now, My, Bella, he replied.
#~#~#
I couldnt deny that it still felt strange. I sat on the bed, staring it the sparsely-furnished room and trying to

imagine what it would be like once Id moved everything in. Charlie was coming up with the last of my things
on the weekend, but even so, the place felt empty. There was no clutter that had built up over the years, no
paintings or faded photographs. I could make changes, of course, but it still felt odd.
I missed Charlie. I missed falling over fishing wire and old newspapers. There would be no one watching some
sporting event on my TV every night, and no one who ordered pizza when I was too tired to move.
Of course, he wasnt too far away, and I promised Id be back to see him frequently. He sais there was no need,
but I hadnt missed the small smile on his face. Unfortunately, Esme was still hanging onto Edward. We both
had to attend Sunday dinners at the Cullens place, which I didnt mind at all, but how she felt the need to pop
over with food or to make sure everything was okay. Wed moved in a week ago and Id seen her more than Id
seen Edward. Hopefully she would get used to this soon. I really didnt want to have another confrontation with
her.
I smiled as Edward entered the room. He sat down next to me, and I leaned into him immediately. He pulled us
down onto the bed, and I lay my head on his chest.
I miss my old bed. It was far more comfortable and did not scrape against the floorboards. That is
exceptionally annoying and proves that it was not made well, Edward announced.
I laughed and moved up to kiss him.
I have a present for you, My Bella. Please stop kissing me so I can give it to you, he announced as I moved
away.
I would rather kiss you than have a present.
Ill kiss you after I have given you the present, Edward compromised.
I leaned away and allowed him to get up. He left and returned soon with a long thin blue box.
I love you, he said sitting back down and holding it out. I took it, knowing that it had to be jewelry of some
sort.
I opened the box, smiling widely. The thin silver chain looked beautiful and delicate, the small diamond teardrop
shone as the light hit it. It was perfect, discreet, and intricate in design. I loved it.
Thank you, so much. Whats this for? I asked, putting down the box carefully and wrapping arms around him.
This is a new and important stage in our lives, My Bella. We must celebrate, and Alice always says that
celebrations must come with gifts, he said.
I didnt want to tell him that gifts were usually restricted to certain celebrations. He was right; this was a huge
step for us and something to celebrate. It was a start of a life that neither of us had imagined we would or could
have. Wed been together four years now, and I knew that this was it. I wanted the next four years. And the
next, and the next, and more again. I wanted Edward, and I wanted to continue to celebrate more stages in our
lives.
I still believe that it would be best if we marry, although, I do not think that it will be appropriate for a few
years. We cannot afford a wedding, and do not have time to plan one, Edward announced.

I sighed, tensing a little as the subject of marriage was brought up yet again. I wasnt sure if I would ever change
my mind, I couldnt be certain. At least I had a few more years to ease into the idea.

~*~

Extra #4 Order
EPOV
I do not like it when things do not work.
It is a simple way of looking at life. Anyone can see the perfect logic. I have a schedule. I must perform the
actions of my day in order, without disruption. I don't understand how this could not be recognized by others. I do
not have a backup plan. I do not need one.
Disruption is not an option. Chaos ensues when there is no order. My schedule would fail, and my day would
become unbalanced. Events would overrun or not happen, the numbers would not correlate, and the equations
would not balance. Therefore, something would be lost...
No, it is not an option.
This means that there must be a problem in my calculations somewhere. Recently, my schedule has become
flexible. I am rearranging my time and adjusting events so that I can fit Bella into my life. It is odd. My routine
now revolves around a person, not around what must be done. Since people are unpredictable, it does not make
sense that I would be comfortable doing this. Yet I am not worried.
In fact, I am content basing my day around my Bella, which must mean that I do not mind if things do not work.
Except that I do, and the thought of everything becoming unbalanced is not something I can deal with. In
conclusion, I can only cope with order, yet I can base my schedule around Bella, who can dissolve the order with
her unpredictability and I am not bothered by this, yet the thought of anything destroying how things work is
unacceptable.
I think I need to think about this some more.

~*~

Extra #5 Imitate
BPOV
I sometimes find myself counting miscellaneous objects. How many magnets on the fridge, how many cups in the

staff room, how many chocolates left in the box. I've noticed that I count my steps too, without even thinking
about it. I count them from my room to the bathroom in the morning. There are almost fifty steps between the
storage closet and my classroom. There are nineteen steps up to the attic, and fourteen down to the basement.
I try to imitate you I try to get into your mind and learn how you think and react. I imitate you to understand.
Sometimes, I'm with you and I know you, who are and how you work. It's easy and I feel lighter.
Then there are other times when it feels like you're so far away. I can't understand and it scares me that I can
know you, and yet not. I can't see the why, or the how and my mind just isn't capable of making the jump.
So I imitate. I do what you do so that maybe, it might be easier. So that when you're far away, I might just be able
to reach you.

~*~

Extra #6 Monsters
Alice POV
I remember knowing there was a monster in my closest. It moved around and took my dolls and I found them
three days later with their hair cut off. It was watching me in the dark. I tried hiding under my covers but I could
still feel its eyes... following me through the gap between the doors.
I threw the covers over my head, huddled up in the dark. I didn't care if he could see me. If I couldn't see him he
couldn't get me...
Then he used it against me. He waited until I wasn't looking to creep out. He'd make his way across the room,
dragging his clawed hands, his sharp teeth snapping at the quilt as he climbed up...
I'd scream and jump out of bed, tears falling as I ran from the room and slammed the door shut behind me. I
couldn't go back in there with that thing. He'd eat me up, crunch on my bones and no one would be there to...
"Alice, what are doing?"
I jumped as the light in the hallway turned on. I wiped my eyes and saw Edward looking at me, his hands twisting
at his green pajama sleeves.
"You're crying! What do I do?" he asked as he noticed my tears. He was only seven and little, and I knew the
monster would eat him faster than me, since I'm eight and bigger. I didn't want Edward to be eaten.
"There's a monster in my closet"
"No there isn't"
"Yes there is, I can see it!"
"No you can't."

"Yes I can!"
"No you can't."
"Yes!"
"No."
"Why?"
"Monsters aren't real, so there isn't one in your closet and you can't see it," Edward said, moving past me and
walking to the door.
"No, don't!" I said, but he wouldn't listen. I trailed behind him, scared of being alone more than with the monster.
Edward padded across the room, and threw open the doors of my closet.
"See. I'm right. Monsters are not real and you're stupid to be scared of something that isn't real," Edward said
before walking out of the room and closing the door behind him.
I don't remember whether I was still afraid of the monster after that. All I know is that I'll always remember my
younger brother saving me from the closet monster, even if he did call me stupid in the process.

~*~