The Death Of

Ideology
and

Another Round On
The House
plus

Additions

Blair Naso

The Death Of Ideology

For my 11th grade English teacher,

Who said that I couldn't write a
better book than A Christmas Carol.
Mr. Crosslin,
This one's for you.

Copyright 2014 by Blair Naso

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
This publication may be reproduced, distributed, and reprinted
royalty-free so long as no essential change is made to the authors
intention.

!2

Eugene And The Monkey

The Utopia will be built by
Eugene the Eugenicist and the Masked Monkey.
Then we will know peace.
Children will play in the streets.
Fathers will love and mothers will respect.
The Utopia will be built by
Eugene the Eugenicist and the Masked Monkey.
Every human will have a value assigned to him.
This value will determine his human value.
Human value will be determined based on morality.
Every year, everyone will vote on everyone else
On a scale of one to ten.
Those with high votes are the most moral.
The Utopia will be built by
Eugene the Eugenicist and the Masked Monkey.
People will always be drunk
So that they can always be honest.
Faades will fade and men will love.
America will annihilate the world,
But the Masked Monkey will save us.
France will burn itself and the Midwest will rise,
But the Masked Monkey holds the Orb of Light.
Eugene the Eugenicist is not human.
He is a god or an other species.
!3

He and the Masked Monkey will meet in Munich,

And together they will save America.
Stars in the sky will turn into stripes,
And stripes will turn into bars.
Scientists will know, and inventors will find.
The mind is not stored in the head.
No, the soul is found in the ouranon.
We haven't discovered that organ yet,
But the ship will come in when
The Utopia will be built by
Eugene the Eugenicist and the Masked Monkey.
Teenagers will marry and not divorce.
Tobacco will not kill you.
Guns will shoot flowers.
Broccoli will taste like chocolate
Which will taste like sauerkraut.
The Masked Monkey will not like chocolate.

!4

My Therapist's Couch
I had sex with my therapist
On her red couch-chair thing.
I thought it would bring healing.
Every emotion is an itch,
And my lust was needing satiety.
I paid seventy dollars for her
To heal my soul,
But only my body was scratched.
I dug into her iceberg,
Finding the pussy buried underneath.
My body is my soul.
Her couch is velvet with black buttons,
Just like her clitoris.
My dentist sprays things into my mouth,
But that doesn't turn me on.

!5

Lyrics Barroom Wife

It's been a hard day,
And I haven't had any luck.
It's been a rough year
Stuck in a rut.
And just like you,
I've got a feeling in my gut.
Come on, woman.
Let's fuck.
Don't try to hide.
And don't weave and duck.
Let me pay your tab.
A gentleman must.
You keep eyeing me
And laughing, but
Come on, woman.
Let's fuck.

!6

[Bridge]
Don't need no condoms.
Don't need no pills.
There's a unisex bathroom
Where you can get filled.
Don't want to blow job;
That's no way to go through life.
Let me be your daddy,
And you can be my barroom wife.
I'll wipe down the sink
With the finest paper towels.
I'll make you feel like a princess
While I've got you plowed.
There's a truth to the saying,
"All girls like it rough."
Come on, woman,
Let's fuck.
[Outro, repeat to end and ad lib]
Da-da-da-da-da
Barroom wife

!7

I Feel Blue
I feel blue.
Yes, it's true.
I've seen it through,
And Baby, it's you.
Like a well-worn shoe
Fitted with glue,
There's very few
Things which are due
From going into
Such a queue
With questions like "Who?"
You knew who,
And Baby, it's you.
Our love is like a brew
Warm, sticky goo
Yet fermented due to
A premature hue.
What am I saying to you?
do I merely sound like a Jew?
Few know it's true,
But Baby, it's you.

!8

Dude,
You act so lewd,
boorish and rude.
The way you feud,
I feel like I'm to be sued!
I thought and mewed,
for I had moved
And seemed to win you nude,
And now you sulk and brood!
Baby, I never thought you'd!
But we'll find what's true.
Do not think I am so new.
For I am clever as a Jew,
And yes, I can tame the shrew!
Oh Baby, it's you!

!9

The Bar In The Woods

O'er the hills, streams and all known place,
There is on a side,
Full of shrubsn leafd trees
A bar lost to all men who go
Through common roadsn vales,
Thinkg that thare their own,
Though they are a mer common human life.
The bar is only
To be found by them
Rejecting this society that holds out
Life, out of the way,
To forgotn greenry.
The woods rot o're all, and the stools
Need one leg, mostly.
There in corner lies
An upt piano rot also, tuned
So out, its no worth
To listen to the
Plaer with a withered hand and a gratIng in all his old voice.
Beer is all they serve,
Though none elses great ywill ever find,
Because thtaverns onLy for them who need.
!10

The piano has a special key, where a

Note not found in any scale
Resounds and the sky
Opens as a flash of gold shines,
Blind'g them whare hearing.
Babes stop all crying;
The dogs not screech, nor pigs, nrany
Beast that sounds danger.
Birds comen mens shoulders;
Deer rest in children's hands, fearing
I have not told, though,
There out of the bar, which holds no
Places of sleeping,
Save on counter by
Too much intake of odd drinking,
Lies one river holdIng sweet water, tastIng of sugar and not a danGers lead, metal whom
We all have feard tdrink.
So now that Ive let this be told,
Do not have mind I
Think wrong in my sane.
The odd tavern exists, though you
May doubt, for sure. Go
Journg in wood, praps youll
!11

Find this funny place.

For I many times have sought,
Yes I do not have the need
To find it. For a man Can
Not come across it
By mere desire.
No, this tavern is for the needy.
This tavern is for those
Whose hearts have been broken
By society, for those who
Have forgotten both how to love
And how to be loved.

!12

The Candied Lands Of My Youth or The Masque Of Red Death

Applied
Sunday night at church, Chris walked up to Rachel. She was
so pretty, long brown hair falling around herself, and skinny, but in a
healthy kind of way. Chris quite liked Rachel, but little did he know
that she felt the same about him, he was tall, dark, and handsome,
with big muscles, fitting for a star rower in their high school.
"Hey, Rachel," he said.
"Hey, Chris. How are you?"
"Good. How about you?"
"I'm great."
He stood their silently, awkwardly, trying to think of
something to say, but he opened his mouth and nothing came out.
"What did you come to talk to me about?" She laughed, at
his cute awkwardness but in a masculine way.
"Tomorrow night, I'm going to Jason's house. He and Jen are
having a Kid's Night. We'll be playing Candy Land and drinking
Tang. But Jason and Jen, as you know, are dating, and I have no
one to go with. Will you go with me? I've already asked your dad,
and he said it was fine."
She snickered, showing her bright, flashing, flawless white
teeth, which were cute and not awkward at all. "I'd love too."
"Excellent. I'll pick you up at seven, and we should be done
by 10, so I'll have you home early enough to get a good night's

!13

sleep for tomorrow's school. Where do you live?" He felt very

relieved. Nothing is so awkward as courting a girl for the first time.
"I live on Oak Street at 7345."
The next night, he picked her up in his '95 Dodge Dynasty,
with the gold paint and everything, with NewsBoys blasting out of
the speakers, but with the windows rolled up out of courtesy of
course. Typically, he would have parked and walked up to the door,
but she was standing outside waiting on him.
"Will your parents want to speak to me?"
"No, they trust you."
"Haha. Well, that makes me feel a lot better!"
"I'm so excited about our date."
"I know. I've wanted this for so long, but not in a weird way."
"Me too. I'm a strong believer in chastity and Jesus."
"Me too! That's good to know that I'm going on a date with
someone who has the same focus as me."
"Let's get going to Jason's house."
"Okay, let's go." And away they went. They arrived at Jason's
house at three minutes to seven. "Better to be early than late,"
Chris's mother would always say. Jason's parents were wealthy,
godly, former missionaries, who lived in a white-washed house.
There was an Ash Tree out in the front, with a brown squirrel
crawling up it. They had been talking about books on the way over,
which both of them loved to read to flex, erect, and intensify their
minds. "Focus on the Family puts out some really good books. Did
you know that they wrote a novel about pirates?" she asked. "Its
!14

also nice 'cause the characters are Christian, and the nonChristians get saved in the end. It's like Pirates of the Caribbean,
but without the voodoo and stuff."
When they knocked, on Jason's door, he answered. They
entered and they were gonna take their shoes off, but he said it
didn't matter since the board was set up on the kitchen table. "Let
me pour you some Tang," said Jen, and she got two glasses out of
the cupboard and poured for them. Then they began the game.
Because she was a guest, and a girl, Rachel went first. She ripped
off the top card. It was a Blue. She moved her piece. After a few
rounds, Rachel was in the lead, followed by Chris, then Jen, and
finally Jason.
"I bet that stinks," commented Chris.
"It's only a game," retorted Jason. "What's important is the
friendship and fellowship we're surrounded with."
Jason's brother came down the stairs.
"This is my step-brother Kyle," he introduced.
Jason tried to stop Kyle from shaking Chris's hand, but he
already did. "I'm gay," said Kyle. Everyone quit talking. Rachel
quietly tapped on her glass. Jason fumed and calmly asked him to
leave. Chris asked him about Jesus and why he (Kyle) was so
depressed all the time. "I'm not depressed. I just like fucking and
sucking." Then he went out of the room at last.
"I've been praying for him for a long time. His mom is wild,
but his dad, my step-father, is a good man. His mom left them for
another woman. My dad died when I was little, so it's not like my
!15

parents had a divorce or anything, but of course, if they had, then

God's grace can still cover that and all, and I still desperately
believe that even though Kyles thrown away his life, God can still
give him a good life and cure him of his desires." said Jason.
The four youth went back to playing Candy Land. They had
so much fun, they practically forgot about the event with Kyle.

!16

Song For The Children

Once there was a way to get homeward, then but an evil
witch ruined everything. The children cried as they watched their
fathers die in the streets trying to fight off the hag. "Oh, brave
soldiers!" they mourned. "So ungently you must pass into that
damned night!"
One but brave son named Ulixes took up a torch. "Sons,
what demon can force us to enter into a yoke of slavery? My father
was a butcher; some had smiths of black or white, others tinkers,
some and tanners. No more shall we suffer. For three long years
she has demanded a tax of our grain and wine, when and our
fathers sought to fight against, she slew them bloodily. We have
fallen, we but shall rise as eagles upon the roads of air!"
One may think that being of eight years is too young to lead
a nation, the but children's crusade could not be stopped. Mary
Alice looked upon the well-speaking Ulixes with great awe. Oh, yes,
he was negligent and carnal, no and, he couldn't be trusted, with
but an intellect and bravery as such as being possessed by him,
how could she deny her secret thoughts. He was such a strong
speaker! Remember the time when the stronger A.J. was found to
be less strong by Ulixes's heavier words; Ulixes thus received the
privilege to carry the sole axe upon their pretend journey into the
forest. Oh, how A.J. was driven to the point of canicide. Despite,
and yet, this unfairness, Mary Alice looked upon him in silent

!17

wonder, never telling him of her love, she for knew he would never
consider a mere seven-year-old.
One path, the only way homeward, is a time before the
witch, the when sun still shone. The harvests were full, the and
milks were rich. There was a festival every month, folk when bands
played the old songs of the land. Today but those songs are
forgotten. The heritage of the land was forgotten into old books
locked away in a distant monastery, the for witch forbade love, she
for could not herself feel anything hatred but. Then the sun stayed
fixed at setting, the and moon stars and no longer appeared. With
such little light, the milk tasted sour, the and grain grew up short.
No so longer could one find his way homeward, for home is a life of
tranquility, which one must always be pursuing.
One swift hour then passed: the children rose against the
witch, with and the purity of young innocence which can only be
found in a child, they overcame through the power of a radiating,
unconditional love which melted the witch into a pool. Her castle,
having suddenly rose out of the ground three years ago to that day,
fell into a heap of rubble, which the children used to build bridges
over the rivers. The sun finally moved, instead but eastward,
making a new day. Immediately, the crops grew twice in size, the
and cows began to sing. New houses were built, the and kids took
care of their widowed mothers.
One month passed as Ulixes autocratically ruled, the and
festivals and songs returned. The children were happier with him,
were yet uneasy, he for had a strange sense of justice and
!18

arrogance. Mary Alice watched in silence, afraid to tell him her

feelings for fear of how he might respond, if maybe even violently
as he did with many of the laymen, such as Bill, who was forced to
leave for the benefit of the commune he when announced his
nearsightedness. Finally but, she found an excuse to come to his
house. She carried a glass of her family's milk as a gift, which he
received gratefully. "This is the finest milk I've ever had," Ulixes
exclaimed.
"Well, our cows are very happy because our family is happy,"
she replied bashfully.
Being know for his forwardness when dealing with people,
"I'm glad I could help. You know, I've always had my eye on you.
You're very pretty."
"Oh, but Ulixes, I'm only seven."
One small sentence of him sealed the future of the land, "I
know." Then and they exchanged vows of commitment, it although
was a few years until they consummated their marriage,
considering that no one had ever told them about intercourse. Soon
after, they bore their first child, who later ruled the kingdom as firmly
as his father, he until was killed by Ulixes's bastard by Susan Jane,
a girl who was ten at the time of the witch's being overthrown.

!19

A Story For The Tavern

Once there was a merchant who was of a certain age when
men begin to look to marry. There were two women to whom he
was prospecting. One was very beautiful, but very evil. The other,
her sister, was very ugly, but very compassionate, and both very
much loved him. The man could not choose to whom he should
marry, so he decided that they would draw straws. The lot fell on
the ugly sister, and so the wedding arrangements were made.
The beautiful sister could not stand this, and so she went to
see the Fool, who lay drunk in prison. He was not really a court
jester, but he had always been thought of as out of his sanity, and
everyone enjoyed making jokes at him, so gradually he became
known thus. He was rarely sober, but since he had inherited a coal
mine to the west, he had no need to work. The Fool had always
loved the Beauty, as did everyone, but she could not feel the same
about such an unstable man. Nevertheless, being very evil, she did
have some purposes for him every now and then. Today she asked,
If you love me, then kill my ugly sister. Ill do anything for your
pleasure, my lovest. Uh, sure...just make sure no one knows I told
you to do it. And then she quickly left, seeking to be as distanced
from him as possible.
So after he was sober and freed, the Fool went into the
marketplace to find the Ugly. And when he did, he shot her in the
back with his revolver. Everyone was shocked at this random
shooting. Women fainted and an infant began to cry. The Ugly did
!20

not even see him, and the Fool had said nothing. The Beauty saw
everything, and only smiled approvingly. Someone arrest that
man! cried a townsperson. The constable seized the Fool and took
him back to jail.
The Groom, of course, was obligated to avenge the Uglys
death. And so he called the Fool to a duel, as was the usual custom
in those parts. This greatly worried the Beauty, so she went again
into prison to see the Fool. If you love me, then empty your gun
and fire blanks so that my Groom will not die. Ill do anything for
your pleasure, my dovliest. Right...just remember your promise.
Meanwhile, the Groom was having second thoughts. Who
was he to take a life? Was that not the responsibility of the
government? He was just a civilian. No, it would not be right for him
to kill the Fool. But he could not back out from the fight, for, if he
was to abstain from the fight and marry the Beauty, he through his
great-grandchildren would be shamed throughout the whole
country. No, he would not fill his gun and instead take a hit, and
thus people would cry instead of laugh at his funeral.
The next day, the two men lined up to duel. The whole town
came to the village square to watch. A street vendor was selling
turkey legs, and another had wooden toys to be bought by children.
Suddenly, the Fool realized that he forgot his revolver at his house.
Wait! he cried. I will send my boy to fetch it. So his slave ran off
to get him his gun. But when the boy found it, he realized that there
were no bullets inside. 'Silly master, he thought. He forgot to load
his gun. I will do it for him.
!21

The gun having been brought back, they lined up again with
their backs to each other. They took ten steps as a snare drum
rolled, and then they turned around to fire. The Groom fell dead,
and the Beauty ran to him, tears down her face. My love! she
cried. "For whom now shall I hope? My future is my past! And she
took his switch-knife and cut longways her wrist. The brass band
continued to play, and the crowd took no notice. A journalist went
around asking important people questions, and the mayor said
something about the impact this will make on something else.
The Fool saw this and began to twitch neurotically. His
purpose lay dead by his own doing. He checked his gun; it was fully
loaded. How!? he thought. Did I forget to unload it? Surely I
havent made such a grave mistake! With nothing left for which to
live, he put another bullet into his head, and he, too, fell dead.
And so the moral is this:
Dont waste your short life,
Already full of strife,
On a vain woman,
An emotional omen,
For emotions a blooded knife.

!22

An Attempt At Prose
Like many churches in the Southeastern States, First Baptist
of R had a lock-in for the youth group. But unlike many churches
in Southern America, the youth group was sincerely Christian and
full of love. All the same, there was still that one psycho kid you find
in every church. He waited until midnight when everyone was in the
auditorium for Bible study. And then he pulled out his gun and put
them all in the corner (this church was built so that it was big with
not many doors). First he searched all of them and took their cell
phones. Then he just sat with his hand-held video game system
and watched them cower.
Abstinence is mentally, physically, and spiritually unhealthy.
If God had intended for people to start sex at age 30, he would
have made puberty happen then, like a hobbit. Thus, despite the
sex education we throw at fifteen-year-olds, they do what their
bodies were made to do. These were no different. Yes, they were
all still pure and chaste, but they didn't plan on staying that way
forever. Now there was an hour-glass in front of them. The psycho
kid, named Aaron, told them that at 6AM, they'd all die.
So every kid each chose a mate, often based purely on
looks since it was a one-night stand, and had the youth pastor
ceremoniously marry them. And so they all consummated. But then
as 6 approached, Aaron started having anxiety and shot himself
instead. The parents came to pick their kids up to find they'd all
been having sex in the church. The youth pastor, of course, was
!23

fired, but there was still the theological issue of marriage. Some
parents said that the kids were too young to make such a decision
knowledgeably, yet still a marriage is a marriage, and these kids
swore to protect each other until death do them part. Some parents
wouldn't let them be together, actually, no parent would let their kids
be married, but they would still find ways to fulfill their marriages,
often including sex in the school bathrooms.
One has a certain responsibility to his spouse. In the English
language, if the sex of the antecedent of the pronoun is vague, one
assumes it is male. Don't be a hater on me.
One has certain responsibilities to his spouse. He must treat
him with a different respect and submission than to other friends.
This submission is mutual, both spouses submitting to each other
but with the husband still as the leader. This mystery is great.
In order to tell a story about a theme, one must have
characters, which by effect leads to a plot.
James had married Jamie. She was ugly because all the
other girls had been taken and he drew the worst lot. Jamie was
also super bitchy in the church way but still pious and full of the
spirit. This is too clich.
James was married to Jamie.
I find the best way to define verb tenses is by what they are
called in Greek, but only in form, not function, since their tenses
best match ours. I don't know what tenses are called in English.
James marry (imperfect, passive) to Jamie. Jamie is (aorist)
beautiful in a way unique to her. She is (aorist) not beautiful in the
!24

classic sense but in a way that would almost be to one's specific

taste. Everyone agree (aorist, active) that she was very wellcrafted. Not only is (aorist) beautiful physically but also in
personality. She is (aorist) sweet and kind and can (aorist,
subjunctive) to make (present, active) any bad situation good by to
make (present, active) people laugh.
James, being 16,'s parents do (aorist, active) not to care
(present, active) about his sexual habits, but Jamie is (aorist) 14.
Fuck it; for now on, all verbs are aorist unless otherwise stated.
Also, same with being indicative. Jamie's parents do (active) not to
like her engaging in such activity, but God's voice must to obey
(present, passive). Okay, infinitives are present and active. Jamie's
parents do (active) their best to stop her, but she find (active) ways
to consummate anyway. She lie (active) to her parents about it,
saying that they break (active) up. Finite verbs are active.
I should introduce dialogue. I want to use more verb tenses.
"Mother, James and I break up (perfect)."
"Good. I really can't (present) to believe what you two do
(perfect)."
"Mother, that is a joke. We never actually do that."
"I'm not sure I believe (present) you."
"Mother, why should (subjunctive) I to believe you." This is
getting taxing. No more stated verb tenses. But I want a preposition
to describe the direct object. I must teach you something.
Dhjk she, she, and the father had rek a strangled
relationship with each other. The father and the mother had rek the
!25

usual plastic marriage, and their daughter felt more and more
distant from them. I read an article one time actually a book and it
was about sexual purity because mom was paying me to read it the
author said that hi sdaughter allt hrough hisgh school was into
disney movies in high school instead of real things but how whe ws
proud of her for staying pure but i thiht a that she must be really
naive and undesirable to guys who want a girl worth having and b
that there is no appliatino to guys in that story im tired of writing this
story i was always more aof a poet than a prose writer also all
these misspellings are just because its late at night and i cant ttype
like that grammar and mechanic is on purpose thouthgh
Fuck it. I'm going back to poetry, what I'm good actually at.

!26

The Lost Note Of Legend

Far ago there was a secret note, a thirteenth
Concealed by time's mist. Homer and David
Would strike their harps, and the skies would open with a light,
Golden as bright gold. Dogs would bark and twitch.
Cats would fornicate against their mates. Rats chose to
Starve and babies stopped all their base natures.
The White man and the African grew colorblind.
Water tasted clearly. Red meat became tender.
A rainbow would sprout from the lyre, pointing the way
To Olumpus. Bards kept this a secret,
And alas over time it became lost to men.
It's name was not H or in Germany
I but rather named for the lost Greek letter, which
Too was a covet from the ancient bards.
But that is another lament. The golden note
Was used by Vergil, that over-clapped son
Of a bastard. He diluted the note, made it
Soft and hearable, slowly tapering.
But in the days of Homer and David, the lame
Would walk and the blind could see sights of sight.
The colorblind, too, could see more than red, and the
Mute talk and deaf hear and hand's withered down,
Unwithered down and poor unpoor and stupid smart
!27

(Okay, maybe not cure the stupidful.

Music is not all-all-potent.) Even teen whores,
Known as your average fifteen-year-old girl,
Would regain their long-lost virginities, even
If it was only making out in the
Church library and not actual sin or shit.
Oh, how I've long longed for those old golden
Days of love and truth (truth, being in the sense of
the Dionusian, not of Apollo)!
If only we still had that pure, lost golden note.
Like the unquenched fire or the Locrian
Dialect, we only have a faint guess at what
Made up this blessing to all old mankind.

!28

The Legend Of The Virgin Who Kicked Against The Goads

Diana, princess of beauty,
Untouched by any touchable man,
Desired against her father,
Who wanted to sell her hand.
Oh, coveted Diana,
Not all men are dishwater!
The king bore anger from this turn,
Being torn between love and shame:
Love, for he longed to please her;
Shame, because the high prize will be vain.
Dear, honorable, and great king,
Must you protect the girl forever?
A bargain, a bargain! The lady,
On behalf of a good stepping,
With sending before a decision,
Progressed for a nupital prepping!
But don't yet rejoice, lustful men;
This compromise holds derision.

!29

The word was given in feigned vain:

Should one wish to hold her in his care,
To love and protect and serve
And take her to the parish fair
Oh, don't read any further,
'Less your virility's murdered!
Forsaking his legacy,
A man must give up his surname.
So for all the patres and plebes,
This offer proved to be quite lame.
But wait, the turn moves onward,
For Damn it, nothing rhymes with "onward"!
Vulx, the abandoned bastard
Of a duke's private cleric,
Took her name, for he had none himself.
No one else would own her merit,
And the king was desperate to leave,
Thus a base man and Diane would cleave.

!30

Vulx became a prince and always

Ate fine bread and drank bourbon.
D. wished she had a gallant knight
While the king frowned upon his son.
But don't laugh yet, comforted man,
For the king had an evil plan.
Then king pulled a few hidden strings;
Vulx was killed in a hunting mistake.
Wishing to stay Daddy's princess,
Diane-to her dismay-was sent away
To a convent, where she ate porridge
And lived for God and the orphanage.
But it wasn't so bad in the cold.
She had the best stories to tell,
For all the other nuns came young
And had never experienced men.
Diana, foiled by her own plan,
Was touched by an untouchable man.

!31

The Old Woman Whose Love Was A Coarse Rag

T'was a teacher of violin. A mean, rude hag
Who was so much good, she could teach a child
So that he had no need of practicing, for all
That one gains in such a long week's worth he
Would gain within a short half-hour. Yes, this teacher
With an insight t'ward students' learning ways,
Was a goddess not in beauty nor grace nor love,
But in bitchiness and truth. I would know.
For I, too, used to be a great violin-child.
I sought foolishly her experience
So that I may be the greatest loser in school.
She taught my brother, and he rose to great
All County Honor Orchestra fame and glory.
So every Monday, I'd visit her house,
And as she'd berate my posture, I'd beg for mercy,
Receiving none. She'd done this job for years.
Tears would run down my face, crying, watching the clock,
Yet by three years gone, my skill had risen
To prodigious heights until one day she broke.
Her human nature let me do as I
Had wished, slowly at first, but over time more and
More as she grew soft and feeling pity
For this sobbing child who did not know the best for
Himself. And my skills slowly died away.
!32

I did not place well in All County, and she grew

Greater compassion for each and every
Student, so that failing she finally chose to
Retire. I killed her. It's all my fault, yes.
I ungrateful robbed the world of a great treasure.
And this is my song, sung by the singer
Who cannot play an instrument. I am speaking
Away the reason as to why she's gone.
This is my apology to every student
Who deserved her knocks. I'm so damn sorry.

!33

: A Love Story
Erica was pretty, but not beautiful. Usually girls are not ugly
on their own, although there are some exceptions. Usually they are
ugly because of something they do to themselves, like too many
piercings or a bad hair job. Yet few American girls are beautiful.
Like most girls, Erica was of average appearance, the value of
which is determined by the perceptor. Erica was a Communications
major, which to Cato was complete bullshit. Cato was an asshole
from Stats class. To Erica, Stats was complete bullshit. First, it was
gay. Second, it was hard as fuck. And third, the professor was a
foreigner with an awful accent.
Cato was the kind of student who asked questions about
things beyond the class because he enjoyed learning. This would
waste class time which could have been spent with questions that
mattered, but he was the kind of student the professors loved.
Granted, he was actually a terrible student. He half-assed his was
through college but somehow seemed to have made it work.
She didn't actually hate Cato. She could just tell that he was
arrogant. What she did hate is asking him for help. It wasn't a
regular thing, but about half-way through the semester, she
approached him. Small talk was not her gift.
"So your name's Cato. That's pretty ghetto."
"Yeah, I get that a lot. Believe it or not, it's not a reference to
a sweaty negro my dad drunk-banged in college."
"So what is it?"
!34

"My dad was a Classics major"

"Like Classical music?"
"No, like Greek and Latin. So anyway, he named me Cato
after a prick who committed suicide to fuck Julius Caesar over."
"Were they friends?"
"No, I think they hated each other."
"So how was Caesar fucked over?"
"I can't remember. I hate that shit. All my cats growing up
were named after pre-Socratic philosophers."
"That's really dorky."
"Dad almost named me Publicola."
"Dude, that stuff's 78 at that new Irish grocery store."
"Dublix?"
"That's the one."
Awkward silence.
"So what did he do with his Classic degree?"
"He sells insurance."
Awkward silence.
"Well, I've got to go to my next class."
"Hey, will you help me study? I'm confused."
"Ahh...I really don't have time." Tutoring usually involves try
to explain something in clear details to someone with a gift of not
understanding.
"Please. I need a tutor," she said, playing to his ego.
"I'm really booked with life and school and shit."
"I'll pay you."
!35

"How much?"
"Uhh...if you get me a B on the midterm, I'll get you a case of
beer."
"I've got plenty."
"Three ounces of dope."
"Okay. Deal. Here's my number..." and so they talked about
when to meet.
Later that week, they met and did math. Afterward they
made more awkward talk about life.
"So what's your major?"
"Nursing."
"What are you going to do with that?"
"Nurse."
"And what are you going to do with that?"
"Live in a trailer and spend my money on shit tattoos."
She kind of liked him. There wasn't anything appealing about
him per se. He was funny, but so were a lot of guys. He claimed to
play guitar, but that didn't really mean anything. Not much muscle
or fat on his body.
"Hey, I got your three ounces right now if you want it."
"But you haven't taken the test yet."
"Yeah, but it's whatever."
They stood outside the library smoking a joint. The campus
police generally tried to avoid the students.
"Let me tell you, Nietzsche was so right, what with the
superman and shit," Cato said, moving his hand through the air. "I
!36

took Intro to Philosophy, and man, I learned knowledge," making a

weird popping sound with his mouth.
After the test, it was fall break, and he had gone home for
the week. She sat in her dorm fantasizing about him. An ongoing
story ran through her head with details about things they would do
and say that would slowly lead to him asking her out. The next
week school started back. She so wanted him to pursue her, but
she was afraid to make the first step. Yet she thought it would be
good to prod him a little to build up his confidence.
"Do you like tea?" she asked him after class.
"Not particularly."
"Oh, well, I've got a new kind in my dorm that is imported
from Bombay," she lied, knowing how guys like to think of
themselves as cultured.
"Yeah, that sounds good to me." This was a good sign. "I've
got class in two hours."
Shit, she thought.
They walked to her dorm with the snow lightly falling but not
enough to stick. Cato tried to impress her with some philosophy
about nature and art. She didn't particularly care.
They entered her dorm. "Would you like a beer?"
"Please and thank you. What kind?"
"It's a new import from North Africa I bought the other day."
She knew guys liked that kind of shit.
"Oh, you mean Moor's Light? I heard it's fermented piss."

!37

Shit. God, that couldn't have been more insensitive. She

suddenly felt very incompetent at life.
"Umm...no, I had a different kind, but I'm all out.
How's...a...P...B...R?" she offered with despair.
"I never complain about free beer."
That was oddly sweet. I think.
"Hey, Erica, did you change your hair?"
Yeah, like, the day before the midterm.
"It looks nice."
"Really? That's sweet."
"Well, I've always thought you were beautiful."
Then they had sex. First he massaged her clitoris as she lay
groaning. Then he worked his way up, kissing her stomach. She
nursed him on her breasts, slowly flipping over so that she was on
top. Then she sat on him, enveloping his penis with her vagina. She
had never had sex before, but as much as it hurt, she kind of liked
it.
She woke up with him and two Moor's Lights gone. Despair
filled her heart. Where could he be? Then she saw his note. "I've
gone to class but didn't want to wake you." She dressed and went
out looking for him. He was leaving an academic building.
"You worried me for a second," she said, failing to be funny
in that way that girls do.
"Yeah, I have bad news."
Oh, God fucking damn it. Not this.
"You're pregnant."
!38

This sounded like it was supposed to be funny, but really, it

was just odd.
"I'm Satan. You will bear forth a son, and you shall call his
name 'The Bearer of Light', for he shall be beautiful to the peoples,
deceiving them to bring my seven years of reign."
This is kind of hot, fucking Satan and all. It's like a vampire,
but dangerous.
"I have to leave now. Take care of my child, and think of me
when you look into his baby blue eyes."
Oh, God, yes, I will.
She laughed awkwardly. "Thank you so much. I'll always
remember you, and I promise that your son will be a fitting tyrant of
darkness."
"One more thing. Technically speaking, I don't have a body. I
only appear to appear in the flesh. The Catholics call this Docetism.
Anyway, because I don't have a body, technically, we didn't have
sex. So this is a child born of a virgin."
"Oh, God, you knew I was a virgin?"
"I've banged many women, Erica, and I know a virgin within
the first few seconds of her trying to please me sexually."
She laughed at this. "I promise I won't sleep with anyone. I'll
keep myself a pure temple for the child of Satan."
"Oh, of course. Anyone I bang experiences female
impotence. It's a really fucked-up scientific phenomenon."
And with that, he disappeared in a cloud of smoke.

!39

Rumors
I heard about a man who made his wife keep her virginity. It
started as a prank. The first night of marriage, he was fairly drunk
and tired. He promised her they'd have sex first thing in the
morning. But then they awoke at different times the next morning,
so it didn't really happen. After that, it just became too awkward to
ask her.
No, wait, I might have the story wrong. I think I heard that it
was an arranged marriage, but he wasn't satisfied, so he forced her
into celibacy to spite his parents. He might have been an only child,
so it would have been especially bad since his dad was king. Or
maybe she agreed to it. I'm not sure. If she wouldn't have agreed to
it, she probably would have fucked somebody else. The man would
be too embarrassed to publicly admit that the child isn't his, so he'd
just adopt him all the same.
There was a story about a guy who kept snoring. He was a
giant, and his snoring was so loud that it kept waking him up. So he
evolved a need to not sleep. They say he lived in a castle in the
sky. He was a tyrant upon his sky people. He hated all things good.
Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, and
self-control were against the law.
I heard that the people agreed with him and too oppressed
the good. But then there was a resistance movement of rebels who
chose to love their enemies and shit.

!40

I think he had a bunch of daughters, but first sold their

virginity before marriage. He made a good profit. The joke was that
he tore up both the social fabric and the hymenal fabric.
There was an urban guerrilla war somewhere in America.
One war tribe would only attack other gangs who drew their
weapons. Those who didn't out of peace or fear, they let live.
Supposedly the tribe chief was a sociology major trying to
determine something or whatever.
There was that one guy who wanted to be a literal star like in
the myths and fables and stories. I think he collaborated with
Eugene the Eugenicist and was molecularly changed.

!41

A Hero's Peace
An evil shaman/scientist was trying to take over the world.
Children cried as they watched their fathers die. ESS having
conquered the Georgian coast began to build a terrible machine.
And so a group of five youths sought to stop him. The first was
Invisible Dude, who had the ability to not be seen. Like, ever. It was
technically a disease. The second was Rad Girl, with the power to
cause you to go temporarily blind from a white, blinding light. The
third was The Indelible Poet, with the ability to write really good
poetry on the spot plus to disable security systems. The fourth was
Killer. He had an amazing power of being neurotically maladjusted.
Don't fuck with a fucker. The fifth was Sanctified Son, with the
superpowers of spiritual fruit and not just the ones mentioned in
Galatians 5 but all of them in the fullness of spiritual sanctification.
So our five heroes march against the castle on the hill by the
sea. ESS saw them coming through his crystal ball. His anger
burned. They marched through the green pastures filled with cows
and everything else associated with Georgia (the state, not the
country). ESS called upon his army of flying squirrels to attack
them, and down they came in the middle of the night. Invisible
Dude was completely safe. The Indelible Poet and Sanctified Son
were useless. Killer just started shaking in paranoia. Only Rad Girl
could unlock their weakness. Her blinding light hurts a lot, like, in
the day to normal people. To nocturnal animals trying to fly, she's a
bitch. And bitch she did.
!42

"Good job, Rad Girl," said Invisible Dude with a supposed

thumbs-up.
"Thanks, ID. Where are you?"
"To your left."
"Killer," asks The Indelible Poet, "are you okay?"
"The birds, the birds, God, damn the birds."
And thus our heroes continued. They came to the gates of
the caste. They were really tall and they were unsure of how they
would pass through them into the courtyard. "Leave it to me," said
The Indelible Poet to them. He began to chant a song of justice,
and the gates thusly began to shake and to fall, leaving the walls
unguarded and the courtyard bare of protection.
"I sing a song for the oppressed.
May they be lifted high and brought
To their heart's content of the best
Kind of truth which cannot be bought
But must be fought for day and night
By a people who're justly right."
And the walls fell. The heroes entered to find the place
surprisingly well-decorated with paintings. A red-carpeted staircase
rose ahead of them. They ran up it. There were security guards.
Beyond them there was a button that would release a net above the
guards and capture them.
SS: "Who should defeat them?"
RG: "I can cause them to go blind."
ID: "I can sneak past them and press the button."
!43

IP: "Wait, what's the difference between causing them to go blind or

just being invisible."
ID: "IP's right. We're pretty much the same."
RG: "Not true. I killed the squirrels."
ID: "Okay, but that was a rare occurrence. In theory, we're the
same."
RG: "No, because I can blind a bunch of enemies at once."
ID: "Yeah, but they can't see me anyway, so I can avoid them faster
and without effort. And they can't sneak up on me."
RG: "Yeah, but mine has a more inflicting nature."
Then Killer walked over and emotionlessly and effortlessly
went and killed the security guards. "Let's go. They're dead." The
four others just stood there somewhat horrified. Dead guards,
blood, bodies ripped apart right in front of their barely pubic eyes.
And they went to the same high school as this guy.
Then they walked down the hall purposefully like Jim
Morrison. There was a steel-clad room where ESS waited.
"I'll take care of this," said Rad Girl.
"Wait," said ESS. "I have rigged this room so that your
powers won't work."
"But I can disable the security system," said The Indelible
Poet.
"No, because I have this castle so well-decorated that your
art won't work on it. I mean, who ever heard of a super-villain
having a castle that's more than a darkly-colored obstacle-course?"

!44

And discouraged, The Indelible Poet left and changed his major to
Business.
"I've got this," said Killer. And he ran forward foamingly to
attack ESS. ESS opened a trap door, but Killer avoided it. But
almost as he came to ESS, ESS used his shaman powers to cure
him of his mental illness. Psychology, of course, is an art, not a
science, so the scientist side of him didn't do much here.
"Invisible Dude, now's your chance!" said Rad Girl. But ESS
heard him coming and stuck a needle in his neck, curing him of his
invisibility.
RG: "Oh my wow, you're naked!"
ID: "Well, I was invisible."
RG: "That's revolting. I can't believe what I'm seeing."
ID: "Well, girls are attracted to the weird guys. And some of them
carry more than emotional baggage."
K: "Girls never liked me, and I was weird."
RG: "Invisible Dude, I slept with you! Did you get that afterwards or
before?"
ID: "Actually, my name is Kyle. I'm not really invisible anymore."
The world looked doomed. The Indelible Poet and Rad Girl
had been made powerless by ESS's own cunning. Kyle was always
useless like Rad Girl had said anyway. Killer was no longer a
human animal, probably a good thing. All that was left was
Sanctified Son.
SS: "ESS, I know what you desire."
ESS: "Don't give me that religious talk."
!45

Ki: "Does Sanctified Son actually have any powers?"

Ky: "Dude, I have no idea why he came. I think Rad Girl just likes
him."
Ki: "I thought she likes you."
Ky: "Probably both. She is, like, 15."
SS: "I've come not to offer you Jesus (although I can talk about that
with you later if you so wish). I've come to defeat you so that the
world may know justice and freedom. And I do not have a
superpower of physical strength but rather of love and wisdom.
Mister, why rule the world when you can have pie?"
And thus a white (not blinding) light came down and
crumbled the back wall and the buildings and wall behind it. There
at the bottom of the green pasture next to the sea was a themepark filled with free pie and pie-themed rides. There was berry pie
and chocolate pie and meat pie and banana pie and apple pie and
coconut pie and anything else you could possible desire, especially
rhubarb. All five of them ran down to it as fast as they could. On the
way they passed The Indelible Poet who joined them. Along with
them came all the townspeople, and in the communion that comes
only through the glory of pie, all was forgiven and forgotten and the
world knew love and peace.

!46

Battlefield! In Outer Space!

A Social Satire
Episode One: In Which Doris Gets Her Oats
Twenty years have passed since our day.
"Captain James Umpeit commands the starship Adventure!,
a vessel of war and peace, devoted to journeying into the great
depths of the unknown, commissioned by the Democratic United
Earth Federation. He is a proud warrior, yet his ego is completely
deserved. Few pilots match his expertise. Yet he not only is a great
pilot but also a great leader. He has a virtuous nature which is rare
in these times. Courageous, utilitarian, and ever so patriotic."
"Will you shut up?" said Tim. "God, you're so happy."
"What I really need is an American flag behind me with an
eagle flying over my head and an electric guitar playing 'Amazing
Grace'," continued James, trying not to pay attention to whomever
may try to spoil his euphoria.
"My husband just left me. The last thing I need is another of
your ego trips."
"Alas. No more of this talk."
"Why?"
"Because...we need to leave soon."
"Do we?"

!47

"Yes. Early bird gets the worm." James walked over to the
window to continue his thoughts.
"He's odd," said Doris.
"I can tell you're new. I've been with him for too long. He just
needs to get laid. It's depressing to watch someone be such a
virgin."
"He's religious? That takes a lot of self-will to wait until
marriage. Not many people still care."
"Religious? No, he's 'a man of science,'" said Tim, making air
quotes. "The reality is that no girl is interested in him because he's
such a man child."
"Is that the excuse he gives?"
"Sort of. He just says that he's waiting for a girl who loves
him as he is, whatever that means."
"May I ask what happened with your husband?"
"No. But I'm sure you'll hear soon enough. He's on this
crew."
At that time, Magnus walked into the room. "My God, what a
night. I was so wasted, but no amount of sobriety could make that
girl look any less hot than she was. We fucked all night long. Her
name was Lisa or Linda or something. Anyway, she does this thing
with her leg."
"My God," said Doris. "Do we need to hear this?"
"No," said Tim.
"I'm just exploring my sexuality," replied Magnus.
"Doris, meet my ex-husband," Tim said.
!48

"Oh."
Awkward silence ensued. Magnus broke it. "You see, I grew
up with two gay dads, and we had a lot of gay friends. So I just
always assumed that this was normal and that I was gay. So I did
what any young gay man does and tried to get married and settle
down. But then one night, Tim and I had a fight, and I went to a bar
and got drunk and had sex with a woman. It was like this
awakening, and I realized that this is what I've been looking for all
along. All these years I thought I was gay, but I was never really
happy. But as it turned out, I was straight and was just in denial all
these years. It was the greatest day of my life. From then on, I
knew I had to find a new direction."
"So you're sexuality is having drunk one night stands?"
"Well, eventually I'll settle down. But for now, I'm just finding
out who I've always been. It's a great journey of self-discovery."
More awkward silence ensued.
"Tim," said Doris, "This must be so...I really don't know what
to say in this kind of situation."
"No," said Tim, beginning to cry, "It's for the best. He has to
be who he is. Even though I love him and gave him the best years
of my life. He...has...to," here he starts full-out sobbing, "Do what's
best for him." Tim got up and went into a corner. More awkward
silence.
"So..." said Doris, trying to break the quiet again, "Last night
I saw that new tele-movie about lizards re-evolving into dinosaurs.
It was alright. Did you see it?"
!49

"No." The silence continued.

James walked back over. "Okay, we're leaving now. An alien
life-form has invaded Mars. We must stop them."
"What's happening?" asked Doris.
"A race from Saturn known as the Iews are claiming their
god has given them the right to the whole of the Martian land and
that they used to live there long ago before the current residents
did."
"So we're going to fight them off?"
"Ha! No, these are times of peace. We're going to try to find
a middle ground and satisfy both parties."
"Why don't they just give them booze, a government check,
and let them build casinos?" Tim called from the other side of the
room.
"That's the plan."
"I was joking."
"We can't just let them invade!" said Doris. "There is no
middle ground in this situation! What kind of horrible, racist god
would command that, and who would want to follow him?"
"That aside," said James, "We must be diplomatic. I'm sure
with enough open communication, both sides can reach an
agreement."
"But that doesn't make any sense."
"Irrelevant. We have our orders from command, and we
have to obey."

!50

"Screw command. We can't go commit a war crime just

because some guy in an office tells us to."
"He didn't. The people of the world voted yesterday on the
best way to handle this, and democracy has decided that it's best to
avoid war at all costs. We're going to give peace a chance."
Doris was silent. She wasn't sure what to say.
"You see," continued James, taking her silence as a win,
"You can't argue with democracy. No, everyone is entitled to his
opinion, and we have to take that into consideration. The whims of
the majority outweigh that of the minority."
And so the ship blasted off from what used to be a helicopter
pad and travelled through space. It was about a three hour drive. A
tv droned in the background with a game show where contestants
from developed countries see who can starve the longest. It wasn't
really starving per se but rather foraging for what little food you
could find. There were many shows like this. Often they took place
in some kind of wilderness, but this one was unique in that it took
place in New Delhi. Nobody on the ship was watching it, but it gave
a nice background noise. James stared out the window, humming
to himself and wishing the government hadn't mandated autopilot.
Doris was playing chess against Magnus. The were so awful that it
was less a matter of skill and more of remembering to check if one
of your pieces were about to be taken. Tim sat in a corner and
masturbated to a porno.
Finally, they arrived. The Martian air was a bit thick as the
atmosphere generators would take several more years to really
!51

make the climate comfortable. Still, the Federation had done an

excellent job with the artificial water. On the other hand, the
Martians, like most aliens, did not need food, water, or air to
survive. They were an interesting race, for they looked just like
humans except with blue skin and no hair or clothes. The women
had three breasts in a row, and the men's penises were the size of
a human porn star's. Still, they were infertile when making love to a
human or any race for that matter, and neither's venereal diseases
could pass to the others. Inter-planetary brothels flourished on
earth. As for Mars, they had always been there what with the
visitors from other planets. Mars was quite the marketplace.
The four-man crew walked out of the starship. The land was
red everywhere with a few gardens spread out and lots of buildings.
People of all planets were bustling to and fro, going into various
stores. A Martian walked up to the crew. "My name is Gorglax. I'll
be your handler. The Iews have set up camp on the outside. We're
prepared to fight at whatever cost, but I'm not sure we can handle
them without earth's help."
"Why is that?" asked Doris.
"Most of the other planets are agreeing with Iews for
religious or political reasons. Only Jupiter is on our side since we
originally came from there hundreds of years ago. Nevertheless,
we'll fight for our land no matter what the cost. I'm ready to die for
my freedom."
"That's very touching," said Doris. "It reminds me of the
American Revolution."
!52

"Hardly," said Gorglax with a bit of scorn. "We're not

pretentious aristocrats trying to avoid taxes."
"I'm afraid there will be no fighting," said James. "We come
in peace. Earth has decided that you aliens should solve your
differences with a compromise."
"I thought you were a great warrior, " said Doris.
"Oh, I am. But part of being a warrior is knowing when to put
away the sword. When we say 'war', we really mean 'peace'."
Tim decided to change the subject to more practical matters.
"I hear there's quite a gay scene on Mars."
"Oh, yes," said Gorglax, "We don't have this concept of
gender you do. We're free to have sex with whatever pleases us."
"Excellent. I just got out of a relationship, and I'm looking for
something new."
"Then you'll be most satisfied. We have excellent services to
facilitate that."
"I just need some stability right now."
"Oh, I'm sorry then. We don't...how do you say?...mate. We
aren't bound by monogamy. It limits one's potential."
"Then how do you raise children?"
"Oh, the women do that. The men send money every month
and may spend time with the child, but it really isn't a concern."
"That's horrible," exclaimed Doris.
"It's the natural way. One must accomplish his dreams. But
we have excellent day cares and public schools, so I really don't
see what it matters."
!53

"But that's no substitute for a relationship with your parents!

Your children will develop emotional problems for life," she
continued.
"Life isn't fair. I can't be forced to live my life because of my
past mistakes or because someone needs me. That would be
slavery."
"No, it's not. They don't own you. You can still make your
own decisions."
"Can I? They're can be quite the financial burden." He
stopped speaking. Clearly such a traditionalist wasn't going to be
convinced.
Magnus spoke up. "So I'm told that your brothels are
absolutely legendary."
"Yes, they are well-known all around the galaxy. Our
servants of pleasure have trained for years in such matters. We
have schools that are centuries old dedicated to the art."
"Servants?" asked Doris. "Do you mean they are slaves?"
"Some are. Others are poor people. Still others merely enjoy
it. Does it matter? We all must do something to, as you say, put a
roof over our heads."
"If you are forced into it, then yes, it is slavery."
"Poverty is poverty regardless of whether one is forced by
the sword or by hunger. Your philosopher Jesus said that the poor
will always be with you."
"So then it's okay to enslave people just because they will
starve anyway?"
!54

"Is it better to nominally give someone their freedom and

then let them starve? Is that compassion?"
"Of course not! We should all work to wage a war against
poverty."
"And our proletariat can make a decent living selling their
bodies. Everybody wins."
Doris stopped and closed her eyes. She definitely disagreed.
But this was an ancient culture. Who was she to disrupt it? "Well, if
that's your culture, I guess I really can't criticize it."
Tim broke out laughing so hard he couldn't speak. Finally, he
said, "Wow, Doris. I didn't expect you to be that kind of person.
God, that made my day."
"We can't judge another culture's values!" protested Doris.
"It wouldn't make a difference if you did," replied Gorglax.
Then, changing the subject, he said, "The enemy camp is up
ahead."
They had already left the city and were standing just outside
it. Before them stood a large tent surrounded by many other small
tents.. Lots of Iews were milling about outside. Various groups of
sentries stood armed around the camp. Two sentries walked up to
the humans and the Martian.
"My name is Vlier." He had a strange, squeally voice, as
though he were a rat or a pig. "This to my left is Xizks. You must be
the earthlings. Come with us. The other delegates from the
Martians are waiting inside." The group walked through the camp,
watching the Iews eye them eerily. They weren't particularly large,
!55

but they seemed oddly powerful anyway, aside from being so

numerous. The group entered a medium-sized tent. Three other
Martians and maybe five Iews were already standing inside.
"Greetings," said James. "We are the peace negotiators from
the Democratic United Earth Federation. The people of earth would
like this to be settled as smoothly as possible. I believe that the
most civilized thing to do is to reach a compromise."
"I agree," said one of the Iews. We only want one
hemisphere of the planet. You can live in the other. Together, we
can cultivate this great land."
"But we have all our people living all over!" said a Martian.
"You'll displace half of the natives!"
James interjected. "What do you propose we do, then?"
"Tell them to leave! This is our land, our home!"
"Look, we all have to be willing to give something up in order
to make this work. The Iews are willing to give up half of their claim.
I would suggest you do the same. That way, everything is equal."
"No! We will never agree to that! We will fight with everything
we've got!"
The Iew interrupted. "See?! These Martians are so
uncivilized. They are trying to make war when we only want peace
and democracy!"
Then everything started happening quickly. A Martian shot at
that Iew, and both alien races started shooting. The humans
ducked for cover since they were unarmed. Once they heard
everything go silent, they stood up. Everyone else was dead.
!56

"We should get back to the ship before they realize what's
happened," said James. For once, the other three agreed. They
almost arrived back to their ship when they saw a group of armed
Martians running towards them. They quickly boarded and took off.
However, a Martian super-x-phaser gun shot the ship, and although
the ship stayed in air, the systems started to malfunction.
"We can't make it back to earth!" exclaimed James. "We'll
have to stop on one of Mars's moons for repairs. Those barbarians!
How dare they fire at unarmed peace negotiators?! The Iews were
absolutely right about them not being civilized."
"Where's Magnus?" asked Tim. They looked around, but he
was nowhere to be found. No one could remember him getting on
the ship with them.
"I bet he slipped into one of those brothels," said Doris. And
she was right. Magnus was making sweet inter-species Dionic love
at that very moment to a blue chick with daddy issues.
But we shall return to Magnus's erotic adventures in the next
episode, as we will to our other heroes. Will they escape Mars?
Which moon will they land on? What will happen to the MartianIewish conflict? The answers are: yes, Phobos, and it won't be
mentioned again. Tune into the next episode!
Episode Two: Exiled from (Erotic) Paradise
"Good bye, sweet whores of Mars," said James quietly,
looking out the window.
!57

"Did you think you'd finally lose your virginity?" asked Tim
antagonistically.
"I was looking for love! Is that so much to goddamn ask for?"
"Apparently."
"And how's your love life going?"
"Ugh..wow." Tim left the room before he began to cry again.
They were stranded on Phobos. The repairs would take a
few days. Phobos had few settlers. It was a strange race of sluglike people. The moon was grey and barren. How the Phobians ate
was beyond the humans' understanding.
At any rate, it was night, and James assumed Doris had
gone to bed. He turned on a video document recapitulation
information drive and began to watch tv and masturbate.
Unfortunately, Doris then walked in the room. James immediately
jumped up and turned it off.
"What were you watching? Was that 9/11 footage?"
"Uh...yes."
"And did I see you masturbating?!"
"Well, that footage makes me feel patriotic."
"Oh my God, that is the most offensive thing I have ever
encountered. I'll never forget."
"That's offensive? You haven't seen the porn I've drawn."
"I don't want to know what it is."
"Rosa Parks with that blue goddess from Hinduism."

!58

"Actually, that sounds pretty interesting." James pulled a

notebook down from a shelf and showed her. "Wow, you have really
good attention to detail. I didn't know you were such an artist."
"I'm a big supporter of the LGBT and black communities, and
I feel that this is empowering. What is more of a status of power
than making sapphic love to God him slash her self?"
"Don't get me wrong. These pictures are absolutely revolting.
But, oh my God, you're really talented."
Tim walked in the room. "I was just watching the news. New
scholarly evidence, whatever that means, is suggesting that
Muhammad wasn't a real person but an amalgamation of several
people."
"How will the Muslims react to this?" asked Doris. "Will they
abandon their faith, or will they allegorize it to continue Islam's
message of peace and love?"
"Peace and love? You know Muhammad was a genocidal
warlord and a pedophile, right?"
"Well, that's just their culture. Comparatively, he was a really
good guy."
"Yes, I'm sure he was great with children. Anyway, the
Muslim nations have not abandoned or allegorized their beliefs but
instead issued death threats and are planning to secede from the
Federation."
At this James perked up. "What?! They can't leave the
Federation! What will happen to our economy?"

!59

"Well," said Tim, "Who are we to stop them? Shouldn't they

be able to make their own decisions?"
"Not if the rest of the Federation disagrees. No one loves the
Federation more than me, and I'll be damned if I let a group
casually leave it because they don't like the philosophical insights of
the rest of the country. We must go to war. We must defend Truth.
I'm willing to kill for my country. Or die for it. Whichever is the
correct response."
"I thought you were all about peace," said Doris.
"By 'peace', we really mean 'war'. We will bring peace to the
Arabs through the sword," replied James
"Just like Muhammad," said Tim.
"I'm not sure who's right. I feel like we're right for the wrong
reasons, and their wrong for the right reasons," said Doris.
"Irrelevant. I'm sure we'll go to war with them. And by 'we', I
mean the state. As for we the Adventure!'s crew, Command is
sending us to Venus. There appears to be a dispute with the
Merchant's Union. They're blockading the whole planet," responded
James.
"And why is it our job to solve a tax disagreement?" asked
Tim. "Much less how are we qualified? I went to military academy,
not business school."
"That's what Command's asked us to do, and we must follow
through."

!60

Meanwhile on Mars, Magnus was in bed smoking. He had

just finished ravishing a prostitute. They lay in bed in a good kind of
silence. "So your father wasn't around much, huh?"
"No. He wouldn't have been the successful lawyer if he had.
Or maybe he was a mechanic. I really can't remember."
"That's too bad. My dads were great."
"Dads?"
"Yes. My parents were gay." Then he added quickly, "But
they were very loving just like heterosexual parents."
"We don't have this distinction between gay and straight on
Mars."
"So I've heard. What's your practice on transsexuals?"
"Oh, we don't have those either. There's no point if we don't
have any gender roles."
"Really? But doesn't anybody get the surgery, just to have a
different sexual organ?"
"No. Well, a few have, but it's never as good as the real
thing. And like I said, if there's no gender roles, why bother?"
"I guess that makes sense," he said uncomfortably. "But the
women make babies. Aren't they forced into a gender role of
parent?"
"No, we have very advanced abortion techniques. Legally,
you can give up your child to incineration up to six months after
birth.
"That's barbaric! A live child!"
"It's more useful than just disposing of them in the trash."
!61

"But you're killing an innocent human being."

"They don't really have a personality yet. What does it
matter?"
"So they just chuck them into a bonfire?"
"No, they bring them back to the hospital. The post-fetal
organism is euthanized and then used to generate energy for the
hospital."
"My God!"
"The organism doesn't have any real consciousness at the
point. A woman should have the right to choose the life she wants.
Everybody should follow their dreams no matter what."
"What about after six months?"
"Then she's stuck, although some will sell their children into
slavery. It's technically illegal, but there's little chance you'll get
caught. At any rate, we have a wonderful state-run daycare system
for all ages, so a child doesn't really hinder a woman from living the
life she wants."
"So then society is biased against women in that men don't
have to raise a child?"
"I guess technically. But really, she had ample to time to
make that choice."
"And men and women never stay together in relationships?"
"No. Why would we? You should never have sex with
friends. It always ends badly."
Magnus thought about this. It was horrible, sure, but it made
sense. At any rate, he had 48 minutes left and had no idea how to
!62

fill it. "What do you do for fun? I mean, you you, like, specifically,
not all of society?"
"I don't know. I guess I just watch tv on my days off.
Sometimes I'll read."
"You have days off? I guess you aren't a slave then."
"No, I am. But if you have sex everyday, it wears you down.
So we take shifts. I'm off Tuesdays and Fridays."
"May I ask how you became a slave?"
"My mother sold me. I've been a prostitute since I was five
years old."
"My God. I'm assuming that you age differently than
humans?"
"No, we age about the same."
"How old are you now?"
"Fourteen."
At this Magnus got up and ran into the bathroom. He felt like
he was about to vomit. She looked much older, although it was hard
to tell with the blue skin. Fourteen? That was so illegal on earth. He
was almost twice her age. But he didn't want to embarrass her. He
forced himself to walk out of the bathroom and sit down on the bed,
making a point to not touch her.
"I'm sorry. I get acid reflux, and I needed some water."
"I'm sure."
"So...have you ever thought about running away?"
"Not really. Where would I go?"
"I don't know. You can be anything you want to be."
!63

"Not really. Unless I just want to be a waitress."

"It's better than being a prostitute."
"It doesn't pay as well."
"But a woman's body should be respected." She eyed him
accusingly. He realized what a hypocrite he was being. "I could take
you back to earth. Although I ditched my crew, so I'm pretty much
stranded here. Maybe we can get on a shuttle."
"Why would I want to leave? All my friends are here."
"I guess we've already had that argument. I have 40 minutes
left. What are you doing after this?"
"Nothing. I'm free for the next three hours. Then I have a
blow job."
"Do you want to get something to eat between now and
then? I mean, I know I haven't paid for that time..."
"Sure. I'll buy lunch."
"Really? I wouldn't think a slave had any money."
"'Slave' is a loose term. We're very progressive here with our
slavery."
"Can you just leave the brothel like that?"
"Of course. There's nowhere for me to run to."
"Not a charter ship?"
"My neck tattoo marks me as a slave. They would never give
me passage alone."
"But a client could take you."

!64

"I guess. But it's not like it's hard to get another sex slave.
We're really cheap and easy to get. But don't you feel awkward
about taking a teenage prostitute on a date?"
"It's not a date. We're just hanging."
"Why?"
"I don't know. You just seem interesting."
"Mm-hmm. A lot of clients are like that. Lonely men looking
for companionship."
"Is that such a bad thing?"
"No. But it's kind of creepy getting it from a 14-year-old."
"Well, maybe. But you seem interesting. And I don't know
anyone else on Mars."
They got dressed and left. He wasn't sure why he wanted to
do this. He certainly wasn't looking for a relationship. But he wanted
to experience the city before leaving.
Meanwhile on Phobos, Tim and Doris decided they had to
get away from James's ego, so they took a walk in the small town.
"I hate that we'll be missing Love Day on Earth," began
Doris.
"I know. That's my favorite holiday. It's so emotional." Love
Day was a global holiday in which everybody mourns the existence
of Mike Love for single-handedly changing the history of music in
ways literally unimaginable.
The slugs viewed them oddly. They weren't used to having
visitors. A couple of them walked up. They had various pamphlets in
their hands.
!65

"Hi! We're taking a survey. Can we ask you a question?"

"Sure," said Tim.
"Okay. Do you consider yourself a good person?"
Doris then noticed what the pamphlets were. "Oh, these are
fundamentalist Christians. Let's go."
She began to walk away, but Tim interjected. "No, I want to
play their game."
"Come on. This is stupid."
"I know. But I'm bored." Then, turning back to the slugs, he
said, "What do you mean by 'good person'? Like, 'good' as in Led
Zeppelin is good?"
"No, I mean morally good."
"Okay. How shall we define what it means to be good?"
The slugs perked up. He was playing right into their script.
"Well, for most of Western history, the Ten Commandments in the
Bible have been the standard of morality."
"That's not true."
They looked nervous for a second. One of them said, "Well,
there were other things, but the Ten Commandments are the real
root."
"No, because the Ten Commandments don't say anything
about fornication or compassion or even rape. Also, you had
Catholic canon law. And then with protestantism, you had other
things like not drinking alcohol or using profanity. And then with
secularism, you had things like the United Nations' Declaration on
Human Rights."
!66

"Yes, but all that goes back to the Ten Commandments."

"What does not drinking alcohol have to do with the Ten
Commandments?"
"Well...it says to love God. That's hard to do when you're not
in your right mind."
"I guess. Anyway, why are we only looking at Western
morality? Is Eastern morality irrelevant?"
"This is a Western culture."
"Yes, but morality isn't relative."
" Tr u e . A n y w a y, w o u l d y o u a g r e e t h a t t h e Te n
Commandments are all good rules?"
"No. But I'll pretend I do for the sake of the conversation."
"Why don't you" one of the slugs began, but the other cut
him off. "Excellent. So have you kept them all?"
"Of course not."
"Then you aren't a good person."
"But I thought Jesus forgives us and makes us good
persons. Declares us righteous all that. Slate wiped clean. Tabula
rasa."
"Yes! You see, if you accept Jesus's free gift of salvation, you
can spend eternity in Heaven with him."
"It's free?"
"Yes!"
"So I don't have to give anything up?"
"Well, you have to live by God's morality and develop a
relationship with Him."
!67

"So then it's not free."

The slugs weren't sure what to say to this and paused for a
bit. "Well, in some sense it's free, but really it costs you your life. I
know that sounds like a contradiction, but it's above rationality."
"Is it?"
"Yes. And once he forgives your sins, you will spend eternity
with Him no matter what."
"Okay, but what if I decide I don't like Him after knowing Him
for a few years. What if He kills my grandmother or something?"
"Yes, but you'll always like Jesus. It's impossible to be saved
and not like Him."
"So nobody has ever gotten saved and then changed their
mind? I find that very unlikely."
"If they changed their mind, they weren't saved to begin with.
It's called 'irresistible grace'." The slug smiled very big for having
found a way to use his one seminary term.
"So then there's no free will after you're saved?"
"No, there's always free will because you freely chose to
accept His gift."
"But not afterward."
"No, you have to choose everyday to follow Him."
"So can I get saved and then choose to continue living the
way I'm living as a homosexual?"
"Well, no. But it's not an issue because you won't even want
to sin once you've experienced Christ."
"So do you never sin?"
!68

"No, I sin every day."

"Then maybe you haven't experienced Christ."
"I know He lives because He lives within my heart."
"Why would I want to go to Heaven anyway? If you actually
read the Bible, Jesus was kind of an asshole."
"Because Hell is a painful place with flames."
"Yeah, but you don't have to spend eternity with God. I think I
like that option better."
"Why don't you like God?"
"I don't see why I need Him. Is He the answer to every
problem?"
"Yes. He can help you with anything."
"My husband just left me to have drunken sex with female
prostitutes. How will God fix that?"
"He can give you the strength to get through it."
"But that doesn't fix it. I want my husband back."
"Well, He doesn't just solve every problem."
"But you just said He's the answer to every problem."
"Yes, He's the answer but not the solution."
"That doesn't seem to make a lot of sense."
"Well, I don't have all the answers like my pastor does. I'm
just a simple sinner forgiven by grace trying to share my story. But if
you come to my church, North Redemption Pointe Fellowship
Chapel, I think you'll like it. We could go together!"

!69

"Right. Anyway, I don't need someone to hold my hand and

tell me it's going to be okay. If that's what your church or God is
offering, I have human friends for that."
"But He gives you a purpose that no one else can!"
"Which is?"
"To worship Him. To satisfy your thirst."
"I'm sure it's fun. Will worshipping Him make my heartache
over my husband go away?"
"You won't even think you're gay anymore once you're
worshipping God."
At this point, Tim started laughing so hard he couldn't speak.
After several seconds, he caught his breath and said, "Okay, this
has been fun. But I've got to go."
The slugs did not look happy. "You know, you really shouldn't
make fun of someone's beliefs. Jesus Christ has done so much for
me. I once was lost, but now He has declared me righteous!"
"You sound righteous."
The slugs could tell what he meant by his tone of voice. "I
don't have to be insulted." And with that, they walked away.
"What did that accomplish?" asked Doris.
"What does anything accomplish?" responded Tim.
After that they returned to the ship. There really wasn't much
to see on Phobus. James was talking to a translucent figure.
"Crew, this is the ghost of John Lennon. He just...appeared."
Tim and Doris looked terrified. It's not every day you come
across evidence of the supernatural.
!70

James continued. "I asked him if God exists. He said that

answering that question would be too easy."
Tim rebounded back into his misanthropic self. "Why does it
matter?"
John spoke up, "This is quite an awful ship you've got. I saw
the bed you sleep on. It's like a floggin' rock. An' your tv's so small."
Doris regained herself next, "I just met John Lennon, and the
first thing that he said to me was that I wasn't materialistic enough."
"Of course, love. The whole 'Imagine no possessions' were
just a song in the wind where it were goin'. Just tryin' t'ford me a
swimmin' pool."
"I really don't know what to say to that," said Doris.
"I do," responded Tim. "People like having things. That's why
communism is stupid."
"There you go, lad."
James spoke up next. "To answer your next question, yes,
he will be traveling with us for a while. Now, the repair has finished,
and so we're off to Venus."
"Any update on the Muslim secession?" asked Doris.
"Yes. The Muslim part of the world is in full civil war. Urban
warfare exists in all Western cities with strong Muslim populations.
The blacks in Detroit, Muslim and otherwise, have seized this
opportunity to enslave the few whites who remain, claiming that
only God can judge them. Meanwhile, Pope Humilis in his Easter
sermon has called for mutual dialogue to end violence and
reiterated the need to pray for peace."
!71

"Because praying for world peace is the true meaning of

Easter and is directly relevant to my life," said Tim.
What will become of the civil war? Will democracy be
maintained? And what of our heroes? Will they be able to diffuse
the situation on Venus? How much of an asshole is John Lennon?
Will Magnus find true love with his jail bait call girl? Will this soap
opera finally gain an interesting plot? Tune in next week to find out!
Episode Three: John Lennon Among The Stars
The were flying toward Venus. Tim and James were
watching a football game. John walked over to Doris and offered
her a joint. They lit up.
"So, tell me about your dreams, deary," John said, putting an
arm on her shoulder.
"My dreams? Well, I always wanted to be a great space pilot.
Amelia Earhart is my hero. I want to be just like her. I also really
admire Sally Ride, the first capitalist woman to go into space."
"That's lovely, love. You can do anything with love."
"What do you mean?"
"Love, man. I dig it. It's all you need to do whatever you
want. To be whatever you want. To know whatever you want. You
can move a mountain into the sea with the power of love."
"Yeah, I think I get it."
"You don't need anybody but yourself. Just find who you are,
love the world, and you can be a superstar."
!72

"Yeah."
"Do you want to fuck?"
They left and went to one of the rooms without the artificial
gravity. John pulled her blouse off and began to kiss her breasts.
This just in! The censors have blocked this scene for explicit
content. This is at the request of the Innocence Advocacy, a nonprofit lobby group of parents seeking to protect children from adult
material. Because Science Fiction is almost exclusively marketed
toward children, all questionable content must be cut out. We will
pick up at the next scene.
"I'm sorry, Dor," said John. "I didn't realize one couldn't get
an erection in a zero gravity environment. Space science always
seemed kind of pointless to me."
"I guess the James Bond movies are pretty stupid," replied
Doris.
"I always preferred the books."
This just in! The rest of this scene has also been censored.
This scene contains explicit material (i.e. talking about erections)
which has been deemed not suitable for children. We will cut to the
next scene.
Note: My name is Kevin Karlton. Here at the Battlefield! In
Outer Space! studios, they have a problem with employee morale.
Apparently, they aren't paying us enough to cover our art school
debts, even though that would mean not being able to fund the
executives' cocaine habits. Since I'm leaving the company next
week anyway, I've snuck in the rest of this scene at the last
!73

moment. Fuck Big Sci-Fi Publishing! The independent artists

revolution cannot be stopped! Penis. Penis. Penis.
"I never read them. I heard the guy also wrote Chitty Chitty
Bang Bang."
"Yeah, but it was a lot different. Supposedly the child catcher
wasn't in there."
"Probably for the best."
Back on Mars, Magnus was at a cafe with the prostitute. It
was weird since he was the only one eating. Even at the other
tables, only earthlings were eating. "So aliens really don't eat?"
"No."
"Like, you don't need to eat, or you just don't like it."
"Neither. I mean, why bother?"
"Have you ever eaten?"
"No. The master doesn't feed us."
"Then what do you spend your money on."
"I don't need any. What little I have I stole from the last guy. I
usually spend it on the movies with friends."
"So you've never even tried food? You might like it." He
broke off a piece of his chicken. She took it into her mouth.
"Eh. Not bad, I guess."
"Can your body digest it."
"Probably."
"So if you never eat, you never have to go to the bathroom?"
"Never."
"Wow. I wish I were a Martian."
!74

"You could be a sex slave. The pay's not great, but the
benefits are fantastic." The both laughed at this. Even though she
looked pretty much the same as every other Martian, there was
something beautiful about her hairless blue skin melting into her
eyes, those two green spheres that bore into you, leading to her
nose, which trickled down until it met with a smile below it,
concealing pointed, yellow teeth, the kind you'd see in a horror
movie, only except this time it wasn't terrifying in a fear sense but in
an intriguement sense, the kind of intrigue like when there's a girl in
one of your classes who isn't classically pretty yet draws you in
anyway, and it was this kind of intrigue which drew Magnus in, into
her eyes which shone like the sun, if the sun shone green and had
a dull light, the kind of dull light like one of those eco-friendly
lightbulbs which reflects upon that girl in one of your classes who
draws you in with her strange beauty, making you want to put up
ten thousand pictures of her on your bedroom wall even though you
know you'll never talk to her because, really, what would you say,
and you don't even know anything about her, and maybe she's a
different religion or doesn't like your sense of humor or is a
vegetarian or refers to black people as "the urban community" so
that she doesn't feel racist since all people have equal value, like
the kind of equal aesthetic value all Martian women have, except in
this case, this beautiful jail bait sex slave with whom Magnus was
having lunch had a way of intriguing him, which is usually a sign
that you're in love, because people don't just intrigue you without it
being true love.
!75

"I like you," said Magnus.

She giggled like only a girl with a first crush can. "Okay, let's
escape Mars."
"To where?"
"I don't care. Why not Venus?"
"Why not? I love it. We'll be together forever."
She looked into his eyes. "Do you love me?" She hoped he'd
say yes, or at least she thought she hoped so. But she didn't really
know. After all, love is so blind; you don't know you're in it until
you're already there. But she thought maybe she was. She didn't
know yet and couldn't, or at least she didn't want to know yet. How
could she? So many emotions were churning inside of her for the
first time. This was an emotion, no, a life she thought was never
possible for her. She had resigned herself to life as a pleasure doll,
and yet here was a man willing to see her for who she was, ready
to go to the ends of the galaxy for her. It all depended on his
answer. "Be honest."
"Yes. Yes, I love you." He had a slight laugh in his voice, like
one has when he suddenly remembers a happy memory long
forgotten. She laughed, too.
"Then I also love you." Then she took another bite of his
chicken. Perhaps love could even conquer her own licentious past
and forge a new future.
Back on the starship Adventure!, James was on a video call
with another starship captain, Bryan Starsleeper. They had grown
up together and were best friends.
!76

"Idiot," said James. "Everyone knows that in the original

game, a goblin has +24 magic avoidance, but in the 2005 reissue,
he only has +16. They did this to balance the game out from heavy
reliance on wizard-craft."
"Ugh, no. If you actually read anything beyond the wikipedia,
you'd know that the 1988 edition had the goblins as an ancillary
monster. It wasn't until the 1997 edition that they shifted them into a
more prominent role with the addition of the high magic resistance."
"Well, duh. But you can hardly consider them the same
character. They were originally named ghouls, and the status
sheets didn't even look the same. Just look at their physical
defense rating and profile picture."
"Yes, but Other Fantasy Games, LLD specifically adapted
the ghoul into the goblin. For six years, there were no ghouls at all
until the 2003 addendum."
Tim, Doris, and John were off a ways but still in the same
room. "Look at our tax dollars at work," said Tim. "Do you have any
idea how expensive it is to transmit messages while traveling at the
speed we're going?"
"Well," said Doris, "at least we're doing a lot of good. The
Venusians will really appreciate it once we reach a settlement with
the Merchants' Union."
"So needless waste is fine if there's a good purpose
remotely attached to it."
John spoke up. "The issue is that he doesn't respect ya. Y've
got to have all respect for all creatures, big and small. Take me and
!77

me wife. I loved her with everything I had in me. Never betrayed her
or nothin'. She was my moon."
"That's so beautiful," said Doris.
"And I mean I loved her with everything I had in me. I poured
all of myself into her. But slowly-like, since gels don't like it when
you go too fast. And then I'd give her her oats, and she was like,
'Oh, John, let's go to India. It'll be so romantic,' and I'm like, 'Yeah,
baby, fuck me some more,' and she was like, 'harder, faster', and
I'm like"
"Okay," said Doris. "I think we've heard enough."
"Yes," said Tim. "Ugh. She had boobies and everything."
"Sorry, mates," said John. "I just get so carried away when I
think about love. I'm all about making love, not war. I did a lot of
love-mongering back in me day."
We'll return to this episode in a moment. And now a word
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!78

provides oral, it can still create an unideal work environment. In this

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And now we return to this episode of Battlefield! In Outer
Space!.
That's all for this week's episode. Will James ever find a
woman who can love a man-child? Will Tim tell him his "God is like
George Lucas" analogy? What will become of Doris and John's
budding "romance"? And will Magnus be able to escape Mars with
his new love? Find out next week!
Producer: Troy Jones
Director: Phil Buckalew
Animation, Voices, et cetera: Team members of Battlefield! In
Outer Space! Studios
Special thanks to 3rd Street Sandwiches for catering.
Editor's Note: It has come to our attention that Episode One
was released with the wrong title. It should have been "A New
Face, A Familiar Smile", as obviously Doris has not yet gotten "her
oats" (i.e., semen in her vagina). Episode Seven will feature the
title, "In Which Doris Gets Her Oats".
Episode Four: Tension on Venus

!79

The Adventure! was being pulled into the docking bay of the
Merchants' Union's main ship. It was a massive vessel, seventeen
square quabrits in size. Captain James was staring out the window,
talking to himself again.
"Captain James Umpeit commands the starship Adventure!,
a vessel of war and peace, devoted to journeying into the great
depths of the unknown, commissioned by the Democratic United
Earth Federation. He is a humble warrior, yet he is one of the few
beings who truly deserve arrogance. Funny how the most exalted
are always the most humble. Few captains match his expertise. Yet
he not only is a great captain but also a great warrior. He has a
virtuous nature which is rare in these times. Courageous, utilitarian,
strong, and ever so patriotic. He is both the epitome of masculinity
and yet also gently androgynous. In thirty years, after he likely dies
a heroic death fighting the giant scorpions on a distant planet, the
world will mourn him like new orphans, still in denial. For how could
such a great leader pass so quickly? Truly, life is brittle. It fades like
the leaf. And it is always the brightest stars that burn out the fastest.
Never forget. No, we shall hold an annual memorial of his gift to
mankind, his gift of himself. This man was one of the very few who
truly gave everything he had to the world. He will be mourned like
Socrates, Jesus Christ, William Wallace, Ghandi, and Pope St.
John Paul II Chrysostomus. Like Thomas Jefferson, Abraham
Lincoln, Julius Caesar, Mother St. Theresa..."
"Are you masturbating again?" cried Doris. "What the hell is
your problem?!"
!80

"I...uh...just wanted to make sure it worked. For the day I

meet my wife."
"A, can men not go five seconds without thinking about sex?
B, do men always have to act upon such thoughts? C, What kind of
potential wife sleeps with a man the first day she meets him? And
D, Why would it possibly not work? Actually, don't answer that last
one."
"A, yes. Ghandi was celibate. B, see A. C, I have a charm
that the right woman wouldn't be able to resist, like a Disney
princess finally awakening to a stranger's kiss, the one she'd been
waiting for all this time. Oh, and D, I did a lot of drugs in high
school."
"That explains a lot."
"Yes, the Captain James has a sordid past. It plagues him to
this day. Yet he believes in redemption..."
She walked away to avoid hearing the rest.
The ship finished pulling into the bay, and the crew
disembarked. The bay was amazing. Robots zoomed around
everywhere. They were of all different shapes and sizes, but all of
them were a beautiful shade of chrome. Some were small and
round. They seemed to be sweeping or vacuuming or some
perhaps polishing the ground. One would want to jump on it and
skate around. Others were shaped like humans. They awkwardly
walked around carrying trays and tools. Some were a kind of box
shape with little arms coming out. They were maintaining the ships,
and you could see sparks fly out of them.
!81

The ships themselves were also of a wide variety. A few

were quite large, able to hold tens of thousands of passengers or
perhaps cargo. Others were small like the Adventure!, designed to
hold half a dozen at the most. And there were many sizes all in
between. There were also small hovercrafts that transported people
around the bay.
The people were from all sorts of planets, for the Merchant's
Union is a galactic entity. Some people were human beings, like the
earthlings. Others were Martians. A few were even like the slugs
they saw on Phobos. Then there were other kinds of humanoids:
red ones with pointed ears, small halflings, ugly brown people like
goblins, green bald ones with large heads. They had various
colored jumpsuits, red, blue, yellow, and various other colors.
The room itself was also impressive. The walls were plated
with chrome square tiles about three feet in length and width. The
ceiling had beams making triangles with dome lamps hanging
down. There were also large windows which looked like a kind of
trapezoid out of which you could see the stars. It wasn't quite a
trapezoid, for there were six sides. There were two horizontal
parallel frames. Connecting them were two diagonal frames each
with a small diagonal connecting it to the lower frame. The frames
had a little indention running the length of them. There were eight of
these windows in all. Often outside you could see ships fighting and
things exploding, but you could never hear them, because there is
no sound in space. However, today there was no action at all.

!82

While John Lennon stayed on the ship, someone escorted

the crew through the bay, down the hall, and into a meeting room.
About half a dozen men and aliens were standing around smoking
over a large table.
"You can't smoke in here!" said Doris.
"Why?" one of them asked.
"Because it's dangerous for us to breathe!"
"A little smoke once in ten years won't hurt you. Also, it's our
room, and we can smoke if we want."
"But I shouldn't have to be uncomfortable smelling it."
"And we shouldn't have to be uncomfortable hearing you talk
about it."
She wasn't sure what to say to that, so instead she said,
"You know that'll kill you, right?"
They ignored this and turned to Captain James. "Has the
situation been explained to you?"
"Yes. I'm afraid we cannot give you the tax breaks you're
wanting."
"Then we will continue to keep away any imports or exports.
Venus is a simple agrarian planet; it will never survive the
blockade."
"Well, that's a risk we'll have to take."
"Then tell your command that we may invade. Good bye."
The crew left the room. The head negotiator turned to his
assistant and said, "Make sure they don't leave the blockade alive.
As soon as they leave the bay, shoot them down."
!83

And so the crew entered their ship and took off. As soon as
they left the bay, the Union began to shoot at them.
"Why is it that every time we go on a peace mission, we
almost get assassinated?" exclaimed Tim.
"Peace is never free," replied James. "No, Compromise must
always involve sacrifice."
"The hyper-overdrive is shot, and the tele-communications
are shot. We'll have to go down to Venus to get a repair," cried
Doris.
"So be it," said James. "We shall go to Venus."
Thus the ship quickly turned and half flew half fell down to
Venus. They made a rough landing, and although it didn't damage
the ship, there was a lot of ground upturned. Outside was a lush
forest with a waterfall. There was a small city conveniently nearby.
The crew and John Lennon disembarked and began looking for an
inn. A man with pamphlets walked up to the group. He had long
hair, worn-out but colorful clothing, and smelled like a college
freshman.
"Can I share with you the most life-changing thing you'll ever
hear?" he asked.
"No, we don't want anymore Jesus," said Doris.
"Oh, I'm not peddling religion. No, I want to share with you
about how awful the slaughterhouses are. If slaughterhouses had
glass walls, everyone would be a vegetarian."
"But fortunately," said Tim, "they have walls of brick and
blood."
!84

"Fortunately?" exclaimed the zealot.

"I don't care if they inject a kitten with growth hormones and
boil it alive, so long as the package it as veal and put it on my
plate."
"That's horrible! It has a face! It has a mother! It's a suffering
being!"
"You mean being on my plate with gravy and okra."
"You're a horrible person."
"And you're a faggot."
The man walked off in anger. "Jeez, Tim," said Doris. "Aren't
you gay? I didn't know you were such a homophobe."
"Of course I don't hate my own people. But why should we
waste such a good word? By the way, James, any update on the
civil war?"
"Yes. After Europe annihilated all of their Muslims, they
started killing each other, since historically killing other white people
has been their favorite pastime. The American government, on the
other hand, is dismissing the problem, claiming that only a few
radicals are the ones burning government buildings and that
somehow Western culture is to blame. In brighter news, we have a
new pope, Farcius the First."
"I thought you weren't religious," said Doris.
"I'm not," replied James. "Anyway, our new pope is very
popular with Catholics and non-Catholics alike. He's abolishing
purgatory next Tuesday. I love it."
"Can he even do that?" asked Tim.
!85

"Of course. Who's going to tell the pope 'no', and who's
going to depose him? A few theologians are upset, but most are
claiming that this is just a further development of their doctrine,
completely in line with past interpretations."
"Will he get rid of hell?" asked Doris.
"Pope Farcius said that it's too progressive now to abolish
hell, but maybe in another fifty years if the Church feels as though
it's fitting for the people."
"I don't even know what that means," said Doris.
"Really?" replied Tim. "He seems like your kind of demigod."
Doris continued, "What other positions is the pope taking?"
"He supports world peace, open dialogue, and mutual
understanding between various nations, states, religions, cultures,
and sects of Christianity. He has also assured the Orthodox that if
they rejoin the Uniate, he won't force them to modernize their liturgy
like in the West. Finally, he is allowing barrier method
contraceptives as long as it's not on Friday."
"What about a woman's right to choose?" asked Doris.
"He didn't answer directly but only said that both the prochoice and pro-life sides should try to understand each other's
positions better and that people the world over should celebrate the
special role women have in the creation of life."
They walked a bit farther until they came to the end of town.
There was a very large mansion with a dome and towers
surrounded by gardens. It had a sign that said, "Spiritual

!86

Illumination Retreat". Doris walked up to it and read a smaller sign

on a post.
"Let's stay here! It's a holiday camp where you take classes
on Eastern Philosophy. Eastern Asia is a lot more in touch with
humanity and nature than the West, you know."
"Oh, I did one of those," said John. "It's a hoax. And I kept
running out of batteries."
"That's just because you're so used to the Western mindset.
Not everything is black and white, you know."
"I find this suspicious," said James, "but it seems like an
interesting place to explore."
"I side with all of you," said Tim. "Yes, it's probably bullshit,
but it seems relaxing. I vote we stay."
Thus they walked through the gate and into the building. It
was by far the most beautiful building they'd ever seen. The lobby
was absolutely enormous, large enough to be a regular hotel There
were grand murals and white marble statues of mythology. Exotic
animals and naked women were caged in various places while
servants fed them from bowls. A band was playing a dissonant but
soothing song.
The four rooms were each very expensive, but it included
several classes of spiritual guidance, so they figured it was worth it.
The desk clerk said they'd send someone to take care of the ship,
and then the bellhop led to their rooms while explaining the place to
them.

!87

"Guru Yashi Mo-Jandu Qui, or just 'Master' as many call him,

spent years in Eastern Asia learning from the most enlightened
spiritual masters. He has brought together the various teachings of
Buddhism, Hinduism, and a few others, taking only the best
elements and forming a religion which will help you understand who
you really are and who you really can be."
"Sounds fascinating," said Doris.
"Yes. Classes are held twice a day in the garden. In
between, we have a large library of Eastern texts. One may also
explore the rest of our garden. Its magnificence rivals the garden of
Xerxes."
"Wow, Xerxes"
"Yes, Xerxes build the famous hanging gardens of Babylon
for his wife, yet ours are even larger."
"Are they on terraces of stone?"
"No, but we are planning an extensive renovation to do so.
We find beauty and outer peace is conducive toward inner peace."
"Oh my God, that is so beautiful. I can't wait to meet the
master."
"I'm sure he would be thrilled to meet you."
Once they arrived at their rooms, James tried to tip the
bellhop, but the man refused. "We don't deal with money here. It's
too terrestrial and materialistic. We focus on higher things."
"That is so inspiring," said Doris. "I can only imagine how
much that enables you."

!88

Soon after they went to bed. After they woke up the next day,
they bought breakfast and headed out the meditation area of the
garden. Fruit trees and hedges surrounded them. Butterflies were
everywhere. They sat in a clearing on mats while a long-haired
white man in white linen stood in front of them.
"Hello, beings. My name is Guru Yashi Mo-Jandu Qui,
although it is traditional in Eastern cultures to simply refer to me as
'Master'. Today's lesson will be on starting. Yes, obviously you want
to start, since you came here, but where are you starting from?
Meaning, where are you now? Close your eyes, and imagine
yourself as an animal opening a box..."
He went on like this for a while. They opened boxes in their
minds and released the energy there. The energy grew from a seed
so small one could barely see it into a tree where many birds made
their nests. Then they searched through their emotions and put
everything negative back into the box, leaving only hope behind.
Finally, they ended the hour with chanting for fifteen minutes in a
foreign language.
"Thank you, class. Come back at two o'clock for guided
transcendental meditation."
Doris walked up to the Master. "Wow. You are such a good
teacher. I'd just like to thank you for sharing your knowledge with
us."
"Well, thank you," replied the man. "Tell me about yourself."
They began walking back towards the building.

!89

"Well, my name is Doris Johnson. I was born in Los

Angeles..."
Doris's parents worked constantly to make the bills meet,
and so she spent most of her childhood watching television. Her
favorite shows were science fiction, and she watched as much as
she could, even though a lot of the adult material horrified her. In
school, she loved science class and would read a lot of non-fiction
on her own. She soaked in every word and tried to remember all
about astronomy, neuroscience, and pre-human natural history.
She delved into anything with the word "science" in it.
When she was in college, she declared a Physics major. It
was there that she got her first boyfriend, a music major. He was a
scientologist, and this completely fascinated her. She even went to
a few meetings and made several friends. But one day, she had an
argument with him, and he hit her. She tried to tell her other
scientologist friends, but nobody believed her, despite the bruises
on her face. Obviously, she broke up with him and never spoke to
any of them again.
After graduating, she enrolled in the Space Patrol academy.
The space patrol was a force from Earth dedicated to maintaining
peace throughout the galaxy. She finished the three weeks of
training, and the officials were so impressed with her fearlessness
that they assigned to Captain James's small, elite crew.
She suddenly found she was outside his door. "Would you
like to have a cup of tea?" he asked. "It's grown organically in a little
village not far from here."
!90

"Well, okay. I'm enjoying our conversation."

His room looked as marvelous as the lobby, yet different.
Everything was colorful linen or silk, and there were lovely paintings
of various great philosophers, all completely naked: Jesus Christ,
Muhammed, Howard Zinn, the Buddha, John Locke, and many
more. "I try to take the best from every belief form. I want to find out
what unites humanity."
A small dog that looked more like a large rat ran up and
started nipping at her leg. "Forgive my pet. He isn't properly trained,
as I feel like that will stunt his personality."
"Oh, he's fine. What's his name?"
"Ataturk. He isn't a very good beast. He barks at strangers,
defecates on the bed, and will devour anything. I think he just wants
to urinate on the world."
"I think he's cute."
The Master began to make the tea. "Anyway, you'll notice
that all the paintings are naked. I feel that cultural trappings only
hinder a belief system from expressing its true nature. Nothing is
more natural than the human as animal, and nothing is more
animalistic than sexuality."
"Wow, I never thought there would be an appropriate way to
create porn of Jesus Christ or Muhammed, but you really
understand how to integrate our human heritage."
"Yes, I had these painting commissioned especially for me
by a rather obscure artist in Hamburg. Prints have been reproduced
and distributed the world over."
!91

"That's so amazing."
The tea was finished it was white-green color and tasted
both strong and bland at the same time.
"Doris, your life journey has been so fascinating for me to
hear."
"Really?" she stared into his eyes.
He walked up to her and kissed her briefly. "You're so
beautiful." They began to kiss, starting slowly and softly but
gradually picking up more pace. Finally, she got down on her knees
as he unzipped his pants. He had a glorious penis. Long and round
with a slightly red tint. The lip on the mushroom cap was perfectly
proportioned, and his hair was trimmed just right. Yes, she had
never sucked a penis like this in her life. It was gentle even when it
was hard. The small veins on it felt like the texture on some
wonderful kind of dessert. Then the semen suddenly rushed in, and
she felt herself orgasming as though her lady parts were flying
through her body. As it washed through her mouth and down the
back of her throat, it was like all of the Master's love and wisdom
was infusing into her, renewing her like a baptism. She continued
on for much longer than she ever had when suddenly Ataturk bit
her hand.
"Ow," she said, taking her head out of his pants.
The Master look a little unsure of himself. "Oh, I'm terribly
sorry. He's just expressing himself."
"I should go," said Doris. "But I'd love to finish sometime."

!92

"Yes, well, I have a video call with the pope this afternoon
anyway."
"Oh, really? What's he like?"
"So sincere, so compassionate. I really think he can unite
our world."
"Wow. I never knew religion could be so beautiful."
"Yes, once everybody can understand everybody else, we'll
all have the same laws and paradigms. And then there will be no
more violence ever again, and we'll see past each other's
differences. I really believe that that's the message of all religions."
"Mmm. Yes, if we could just learn to love each other and
focus above the mundane things, we could really live in a great
world."
She left his room and walked back to the garden. The other
three were admiring a peacock. "I met the Master. We had a nice
cup of tea."
"You fucked him, didn't y'?" asked John.
Doris looked very offended. "Of course not!"
"I can see it in y' face. They always do this, the bastards." He
walked away muttering to himself.
"You know," said Doris, "Master dialogues with the pope.
They're trying to unite the world."
"Aren't we all?" asked James. "Isn't that what the Democratic
United Earth Federation is all about? Everyday, more and more
people give themselves toward non-violence. We all want it so
badly, I really believe it's just around the corner."
!93

"And that's the beauty of spiritual retreats like this. If we can

just look inside and find out who we are and what we really want,
we'll have no reason to disagree with anyone else. Oh my God, Tim
are you smoking?!"
Tim took an extra long drag, held it in for a while, and then
breathed it all out at once. "No," he said finally. "Cool kids just walk
away from peer pressure."
"Tim!" she exclaimed. "This garden is a fragile ecosystem!
You can't just smoke. You'll damage the trees. And what about all
the good energy we just infused into our bodies?"
"I'll infuse some more."
"I didn't know you even smoked."
"I'm not really addicted."
"You will be."
"Meh. I doubt it. I've been smoking since college."
"Do you know how many chemicals they add to cigarettes?"
"These are additive free."
"But nicotine is so bad for you! It's been linked to breast
cancer and high blood pressure in women."
"Duly noted."
"If you're not addicted, you could quit if you wanted to."
"If I wanted to."
"Wow. I mean, just wow. I've lost so much respect for you.
Here you are, defending what is basically suicide and forcing me to
breathe it. I don't want to die because of your irresponsibility." And
with that, she walked off angrily.
!94

Tim turned to James. "So any news on the civil war?"

"Yes. France has conquered most of Europe and a fair
amount of North Africa.

The Vatican has also been taken and

turned into a secular state with a fair amount of home rule.

Technically, the pope is a prisoner of war, but he moves freely
through the city. Great Britain and Russia remain well-fortified.
Great Britain is negotiating uniting with the rest of the Anglo-phonic
world with the exceptions of America and Ireland. French Canada,
however, has seceded and joined the French empire. British
Canada has retaliated by issuing a strict blockade against Quebec
by land, air, and sea. There are also separatists in Louisiana, but
they've quickly been put down by the Washingtonian government.
"As for Russia, they are pressing west and south, trying to
bring all Slavs into one empire with a uniform state religion. The
Kievan, Serbian, and Bulgarian Orthodox Churches have been
completely absorbed by the Russian, which is now referring to itself
as the 'Holy Muscovite Greek Catholic Imperial Roman Orthodox
Church'. Eventually, they're hoping to absorb Constantinople as
well. Patriarch Philoneikos and others of the Russian Church
hierarchy are claiming that they are only doing it to preserve the
purity of the faith and that it's a part of Church Tradition to have all
citizens in the same organization as that was why the Muscovite
Church was founded. The circumstances of the absorption of other
patriarchates is considered extremely suspect by some leading
experts, but there is little resistance from the lay people post-

!95

bellum. Muslims, Catholics, Jews, and atheists must either convert

or leave the territory at their own monetary expense."
"What about the war with the Muslim regions in Asia and
Africa?"
"They've secured independence, claiming it's an act of
decolonization. Together, they've reunited into a large Muslim
empire and re-established a Caliph in Jerusalem. Also, they've
killed all the Jews and Christians in the Near East and turned their
holy sites into mosques, including in Istanbul. They're preparing to
fight Russia for control of Eastern Europe and France for Western
Europe. They've already begun to expand into India."
"Muslims generally haven't genocided other monotheists in
history. Is the new government particularly fundamentalist?"
"Not really. Most of Islamic society is so third world, they
have enough of their own peasants to be borderline slaves, so
there is no reason to put the burden on the heretics anymore."
"Any nuclear threat?"
"No. If you nuke an area, you lose all chance of taking the
spoils of war."
"Hmm. Never thought of that."
At that time, a bellhop came up to them. "Your ship should
be ready before tomorrow morning. It should be ready when you
awake."
"Oh, excellent," said James.
He and Tim walked back toward the building. They were
about halfway there when they met with a surprise. Before them
!96

stood Magnus holding the hand of an excited Martian girl who

looked young enough to be his daughter but still technically have
breasts.
"Wow," she said. "I've never seen such vegetation like this
before. Is this what your planet is like?"
"Some of it," said Magnus.
James and Tim walked up. "How did you find us?!" asked
Tim.
"Tim!" replied Magnus. "I can't believe you're here! What a
coincidence! We thought Venus would be an exotic place to run
away to, and when we got hear, we heard about this great spiritual
retreat."
James interjected. "You ditched us! You abandoned your
mission! Central Command will not be pleased."
"Yes, but it was all worth it. I fell in love!"
"Um, Magnus, how old is that girl, and what did you mean by
'run away'?"
"She's not quite fifteen. Technically, she was a sex slave, but
I'm helping her find a better life."
"Oh my God," said Tim. "You're molesting a teenager."
"No, I'm not! We're in love. This is how I fulfill my sexuality.
It's who I am. You can't judge my sexual choices and identity. You
can't help whom you love."
Hold onto your hats, readers! Battlefield! In Outer Space! will
return next week IN COLOR!!! Tensions rise as Magnus must make
the most important choice of his life. It is a choice of great
!97

metaphysical proportions that will define our time, and it will wrench
your heart. Will you cry from ecstasy or from heartbrokenness?
Find out next week!
Episode Five: Into the Great (Recently) Unknown
"George Lucas is like God," said Tim to James while they
were waiting for meditation to start. "When you're young, you think
He's perfect and can do anything. But then you get older and take
literature classes, and you slowly begin to see his flaws, until
eventually you become a George Lucas atheist."
"George Lucas is a fallen genius, and if you disagree, you're
just a dumb jock!" cried James angrily.
"Gaping plot holes and bad dialogue included." James
looked like he was about to get violent, but at that moment the
Master came.
"Hello, friends. Let's sit in a circle. Cross your legs Indian
style (pun intended) and place your hands palms up on your knees.
Very good. Now close your eyes and think nothing."
"Okay," thought Tim. "Nothing.............this is really
nice..........nothing...............I have such great self-control..........I
mean, this ascended master bullshit is still bullshit, but my God am
I ascended; shit, I'm thinking thoughts again; no thoughts, no
thoughts, no thoughts, shit, I'm thinking again.............I am a human
god; I am handsome, intelligent; all my opinion are
correct...........fuck it, I can't stop thinking; we're leaving soon
!98

anyway, and this whole meditation thing is stupid." And so he quit

trying and instead just tried keeping quiet. "I want a hamburger.
One with mustard and onion delight. Yeah, and a sesame seed bun
and barbeque sauce," et cetera.
Doris's thoughts were somewhat different. "Maybe it was a
mistake to give oral to the Master; oh no, I'm thinking again; I must
become enlightened; fuck, I'm thinking again...........if anybody has
the answers, it's the Master; he deserves really good sex............am
I a whore?.............I wish my father had loved me more; we never
did take that trip to Rome..........."
That night, the original four and John were talking in James's
suite.
"She's asleep in our room," said Magnus.
"Magnus," said Doris, "you know you can't keep her."
"But she has nowhere to go."
"She's too young for what you're asking."
"Then what do you propose?"
"Give her some money," said Tim, "and leave her here
tomorrow. It's certainly better than Mars."
"Break it to her gently," said Doris.
"Yeah, man," said John. "Just because you can't love her
doesn't mean you can't love her."
"Okay, I think you guys are right," said Magnus a little
hopelessly.
The next day they checked out, paid for the rooms, and
boarded the ship.
!99

"What's our plan on the blockade? Will we even be able to

make it through?" asked Doris.
"Oh, yes," responded James. "I got the telegraph this
morning. The Merchants' Union realized that by blocking trade, they
were losing money. So they disbanded."
"That actually makes a lot of sense," said Tim.
"I've sent command a brief update on our situation, but I'll go
into more detail once we're on our way."
The ship took off, and soon they were outside of the
stratosphere and into outer space. "So, Magnus, how did it go this
morning?" asked Doris. "Did she take it well?"
"I don't know. She was still asleep when we left."
They all stared at him in shock. "You mean you didn't even
tell her?!" exclaimed Doris.
"Well, I didn't want to see her hurt. I don't like conflict. And
she was so drunk last night, I doubt I could have woken her up.
She's probably still asleep."
"Did you even leave her money to help her survive?"
"Well, I didn't have any. I spent most of it on the shuttle over
to Venus."
"Then how did you pay for the hotel room?!" asked Tim.
"I didn't. Technically, I didn't even check out. I told them at
the desk that she'll cover it." (The way the hotel is set up, one can
only exit through the lobby, so there's no way she can skip on the
bill.)

!100

"Can she even cover the cost of the five star resort you left
her in plus the extra night they'll probably charge her for?"
responded Doris.
"Well, she has a little money I gave her from when I first
purchased her services. Wait, no, that went to her owner. I guess
not."
"My God," said Doris, "You are by far one of the most
horrible people I've ever met. You're even worse than James. She
gave up everything for you, and you just leave her in the night in a
strange land with a debt that she has no idea she owes? They'll
probably throw her in prison!"
Magnus started to get angry. "But she's not a sex slave
anymore. That was a good deed on my part."
"A good deed? She'll probably have to start selling herself
again."
"Yeah, but you made me feel really icky about sleeping with
a teenager. I had to let her go for her own good."
"It's amazing the acrobatics your mind can do."
Now he looked enraged. "You know what, nobody ever gives
me a break. Everything I do is a screw up to you!"
"Everything you do is a screw up!" yelled Doris. "You
abandoned us, took advantage of a child, and abandoned her in a
strange land. At least on Mars she had friends and contacts!"
"I agree," said John. "You're being a major wanker."
"Then how am I supposed to fix it? What do I do now?"
asked Magnus almost sarcastically.
!101

"We could go back there and pick her up," said Doris.
The other four men looked rather sheepish. "Ehhhhh..." said
James.
"I agree," said Tim. "Let's just forget about it and let the
blame fall on Magnus. After all, we can't really do anything to help
her."
"We could find her a foster family!" cried Doris.
"Yeah, but I imagine they have child services on Venus. Let's
just move on," replied Tim.
"That gel has a lot of love in her heart. She'll make it just fine
without us," said John.
"Wow, men are pigs," said Doris.
"Yeah, pretty much," responded Tim. "Pretty much."
"Glad that's resolved," said James. "Let me report to
command." He walked over to the tele-screen and typed some
keys. The screen lit up and showed the Supreme Commander of
the Space Patrol, Marshal Drew Tillurd.
The Space Patrol, or SP as it was commonly known, had
several different kinds of ships. Most were large war ships with
hundreds or perhaps thousands of men. Others were small ship of
two people acting like police. A very few were like the Adventure!, a
crew of maybe half a dozen who travel the galaxy on special
missions like ambassadors or secret agents.
"We escaped Venus, Commander. As you've been informed,
we failed at negotiating peace again. The Merchants' Union actually

!102

tried to shoot us down! We had to dock for two nights for repairs on
Venus. I'll send you the receipt for our hotel."
"Yes, of course," said Tillurd.
"What about my night?" asked Magnus.
"Unfortunately," said Tillurd, "Your stay there was not on
work business considering the nature of your MIA."
"Can you pretend that I was with the rest of the group?"
asked Magnus.
"Absolutely not!" said Tillurd. "That would create a conflict in
our reports. You'll have to pay for it yourself."
"Meh..."
"What's the update on the civil war?" asked James.
"The Federation invaded Jerusalem and burned it to the
ground. They are marching toward Mecca now and living off loot
from local farmers."
"That's awful!" said Doris.
"A lot of people feel conflicted about that. However, the
Federation must be preserved at all costs," replied Tillurd.
"What happened to the Western Wars?" asked James.
"A treaty has been signed, and those territories have all been
reorganized. Peace is currently being maintained in the Western
World. Moscow controls Eastern Europe. Paris controls Western
Europe except for the British Isles. London controls the Englishspeaking world except for America. America controls all of its own
territory except for Detroit, which lies outside of the Federation

!103

altogether. Talks have been made of reclaiming it, but they decided
it's best to allow Black Americans a land to call their own."
"So what's our next mission?"
"As you may know, Rhea, one of Saturn's moons, is a
theistic monarchy. This is opposed to our cherished doctrine of
democracy. There is a resistance movement at the Chestnut Grove
Cafe in the capital city of Gradsburg. Go there and find a man with
a purple blotch birthmark on his face and a yellow scarf. This is
your contact. Ask him his opinion on the potential canonization of
Lady Di. He will respond that he has an excellent book on the
subject if you should follow him home. From there, it'll all come
together."
And so began the long trek across the galaxy. Rhea was a
long way away, even once they had passed the speed of light. They
shifted the gear from super over-drive to hyper over-drive. The first
few days passed uneventfully. They crew and John didn't really
interact with each other much. Even John and Doris remained
mostly distant from each other. They did talk a little bit about the
mission.
"It'll be great once the Rheans can vote for their own
leaders," said James.
"I guess," responded Tim. "I never vote. One politician never
changed anything."
James looked dumbstruck. "That's heresy! It's your civic
duty."

!104

"I agree," said Doris. "Regardless of the consequences, I

don't see how someone could not vote. I mean, you have such a
rare opportunity to let your voice be heard. How can you just throw
that away?"
"Quite easily. I just stay home."
"But the future of the world is at stake!" said Doris. "I know
one single vote doesn't change anything, but with everybody
together, it can make a big difference."
"You misunderstand. I'd vote if there was a candidate whom I
could really care about, but they always drop out before the
primaries. The candidates are generally losers trying too hard to get
elected to take a position worth caring about."
"What about abortion? Whether you're pro-choice or antichoice, politicians always have clear views on that."
"Yes, but laws like that never get repealed, so it doesn't
matter."
"Still," said James. "Why even bother having a democracy if
you aren't going to vote?"
"That's silly," said Tim. "Democracy limits the abuses of
power whether or not everybody votes. People staying at home
aren't going to bring back the horrors of autocracy."
"But it's your civil duty!" cried Doris. "You're obligated."
"Then pass a law forcing me to. I have the freedom to vote,
and part of freedom is making a choice. I've made my choice."
In time, the news came in that the Federation had
succeeded in subduing the Muslim world, although most European
!105

troops soon left. This left the Muslims embittered, probably forever,
but their economy was too crushed to revolt again anytime soon.
Considering that there are no more Christians (except for a few
soldiers and puppet government officials), West Asian and North
African Christianity has been completely wiped out, including in
Istanbul. This leaves the Moscow patriarch as the sole patriarch of
the Orthodox Church. He has taken the title of "Bishop of the Third
Rome, Defender of Apostolic Christianity, Chief Inheritor of the
Apostles, Headmaster of Christ's Magisterium, Fons Originalis
Gratiae Divinae, Pater Omnis Credibilis, Scholasticus Perfectus,
Arbiter Curiae Ecclesiasticae Unicus, Pontifex Gentibus, Vicarius
Iesu Christi, et nunc et semper et in saecula saeculorum." The
Anglican Communion has stated vague objections to such claims
as being polemical, and Pope Farcius has called it a breach in
ecumenical relations and a hinderance to reunification. Some within
the Orthodox Church have also protested to such reaches of
Moscow's jurisdiction, especially those in the diaspora, but all
attempts to appeal the decision have been turned down.
After a week, they stopped for fuel. There was a large
trucker station a little ways past Mars on an asteroid. The ship
landed, and the crew got out. After filling up, they decided to go
inside the store to take a break from the confines of the ship.
"There's a restaurant attached to the gift shop," said John.
"It looks pretty greasy," replied Doris, "but I am hungry for
something other than freeze dried sauerkraut."

!106

The two of them began to walk over there, while the other
three went to the arcade. The restaurant was called "Old Fat
John's", and they weren't sure whether or not it was a franchise.
The walls were made of rotting wood, and the lighting was dim yet
oddly glaring. The radio played the worst kind of 90s pop just loud
enough so that you knew it was playing but not loud enough to
follow it. The woman behind the counter was a little past middle age
and almost obese. She looked like she had had one too many bad
boyfriends and neglected children.
"What do you want?"
"Ahh..." said Doris, "Let me think." Nothing on the menu
looked good. There was a Super C-burger, a Ham-Hamburger,
Uncle Wally's Favorite Chicken Salad, and other weird sounding
names given to what seemed like they were supposed to be regular
dishes. Even the regular dishes seemed to be discouraging. There
was also fried chicken sitting under a hot light with weird vegetable
dishes. "I guess I'll have the Super C-burger," she said, choosing
the item that seemed most edible. "Is it good?"
"Honey, I don't know. It's just ground beef, cooked, with
cheese and toppings."
"Fine. Whatever."
"Watch your attitude, missy. You ordered it."
Doris looked at her dumbstruck, but only for a second.
"Look, bitch, I'm a paying customer"
John cut her off. "Now, now, gels. Let's settle down."

!107

The woman walked out from around the corner. "Bitch, you
haven't never fought no bitch like me. It's on."
"I'm not going to fight you," said Doris. "I'm sorry I called you
a bitch."
"Too late for that, sugar. We's going down." The other people
in the fuel stop began to crowd around.
"I'm sure we can solve this peacefully. Really, I shouldn't
have said anything." Doris extended her hand. The woman hit her
in the elbow.
"Ow. Fuck, that hurts. Alright, if that's what you want..." Doris
struck a pose that looked like it came out of an 80s karate movie.
"What's all this?" asked John. "Doris, violence is never the
answer. Just give peace a chance, and you'll find we'll all be so
much happier."
Meanwhile in the next room, Tim and James were standing
by the cooler. "Look at this new energy drink," said Tim, holding up
a can. "It's called an Irish Mobster. It's Guinness mixed with
cocaine. I have to try it."
"Winners don't do drugs," said James. "They only make you
stupid."
"What about Charles Baudelaire, Charles Dickens, and the
entire history of jazz and rock music?"
"They could have done all that without it. Imagine how much
better it would have been without drugs."
"Hunter S. Thompson, Jack Kerouac, Ginsberg..."
"Scourges upon society."
!108

Magnus walked up.

"Dude," said Tim, "this is booze with cocaine."
"Reminds me of that night we spent in Rio during Carnival.
"Remember how we went to see the pagan mass where they
ate real goat flesh and blood? Gross, but really interesting. Much
better than that mock mass the queens were putting on."
"Yeah, I wanted to go, but you thought it was degrading."
"I like men. That doesn't have anything to do with dressing
as women."
"That's not the point. It's about our culture and making a
statement."
"Making a statement?! That we're a bunch of freaks?"
"That we can have fun! That we aren't held be society's
rules!"
"How can we tell people we're regular, hard-working citizens
like everybody else when you go out with these wild parades and
bars?!"
"You've always been a traitor to the cause."
"I'm a traitor?! You're the one who left! And I didn't sign up for
any cause. I was born this way!"
Back in the restaurant, Doris and the other woman were slap
fighting like girls in a love triangle at a redneck high school. A large
crowd had gathered around cheering. True, Doris came from
decent money, but the other woman was pure white shit, and Doris
had no choice but to return to the animal within. The fight started off
with slapping and some punching, but it soon became vicious as
!109

they tore skin and ripped out hair. Doris tried her best to box the
woman's kidneys, but she couldn't get a good shot in. Then she
tried hitting the nose upward with the palm, but the woman moved
her head, and Doris only hit the cheek, although this was still very
painful. But then the other woman penetrated Doris's eye with her
thumb. Doris dropped her guard, and the woman tackled her and
began to beat her as though she was going to murder her. The
crowd continued to cheer. John looked on with horror, but he was
pushed to the back of the crowd.
Somehow, James bulled his way through the crowd and
threw the unsuspecting woman off of Doris. The woman hit her
head hard on the wall and went unconscious. The crowd gave a
large shout. Doris stood up. "Finish her!" they cried. She stumbled
over, and kicked the woman's head. Another roar from the crowd.
"You've won," said James. "We should get her a doctor."
"No," said Doris, almost too dizzy to stand. she slammed her
boot against the woman's neck, and there was a loud crack. The
crowd suddenly grew quiet. They lingered for a few seconds and
then at once ran out.
"We should probably go," said John.
Magnus and Tim ran in. Tim had a broken nose, and Magnus
had a bruised eye.
"We heard the crowd go silent all of a sudden, so we thought
something might have gone bad."
"I killed her," said Doris slowly. "I don't know why."

!110

"Can we dissect it later?" responded James. "We really

should leave."
Their ship began pulling out just as other ships with flashing
lights descended.
"I don't know why. I just felt this extreme hatred," continued
Doris.
Magnus was cleaning her wounds. "It was just an animal
reaction."
"All my life, I've looked down upon violence. We're human.
We make choices."
"You were just lost in the moment."
"No, I didn't have to kill her. I made a choice."
"You were too caught up in passion. It just slipped away from
you. Once you start burning..."
"If it's not a choice, then it's not wrong. And that was
definitely wrong."
"I mean, of course it was a choice. Every action is a choice.
But you were so caught up in the moment, you really couldn't stop if
you wanted to."
"And what about the other person? Would she accept that
excuse?"
"I suppose not. But you can't change it now. You can only
focus on the future. You did what you did. And really, you both are
guilty. You were involved together. She had the same intent. It takes
two."

!111

"I don't think either of us had an intent. We were just letting

go of control."
The ship continued on through the galaxy. They spent the
days watching tv, playing chess, and smoking. Doris became
reclusive and always seemed nervous. Sometimes the others
would discuss opinions about politics, but in general it had the
regular boredom of a road trip. There hadn't been much news
lately. The civil war had been completely quelled, and the world was
at an armistice again. Earth was a unified government except for
Detroit, but the global senate decided to let them be, figuring that it
would be an act of justice to give land to a racial minority who had
been previously wronged. Even the various groups that had
recently been rebellious were no longer rising up. The Roman pope
expressed relief that the brief lapse in peace had been resolved
and professed joy that truly the world had learned to love and solve
things amicably.
A Chilean nun in St. Peter's Square wept while in an
interview and said that perhaps at long last the champions of peace
had won the long war in achieving non-violence and conquering
hatred. "Truly this is the message of Jesus Christ. For St. Paul
called him the 'Lord of Peace', and our Lord himself has said, 'My
peace I give unto you,' and, 'Have salt in you, and have peace
among you,' and, 'The wisdom of the Spirit is life and peace.' That's
what Christianity is really about: life and peace. Did not Jesus
conquer death so we could have life? And so, even though some
have died recently, our current state of non-violence brings life to
!112

the world as an echo of the eternal life that the resurrection offers.
True theocracy is a state without war."
Pope Farcius also stated that this was a clear sign that it is
time to re-integrate the Muscovite Orthodox Church into the Roman
Communion. He asked Patriarch Philoneikos to attend an
upcoming prayer service at the Vatican with leaders from various
other religions, but the patriarch, inciting criticism from most of the
western world, has stated that such an act is "a betrayal to the
blood of Christ", although the few remaining evangelical protestants
have supported his claim. Such an inter-faith prayer service began
with Pope St. John Paul II Chrysostomus and was gradually made
into an annual tradition. Buddhists, Hindus, Muslims, Jews,
Anglicans, and various small religious sects often attend.
The Christians were not the only ones to celebrate this
restoration of non-violence. The leader of the Buddhist vicariate of
the Anglican Communion announced his approval, stating that it
met all eight aspects of the eight-fold path. Guru Yashi Mo-Jandu
Qui announced that all of religion had been fulfilled and that man
was finally free again to discover himself. The Caliph of Islam was
not asked his opinion since currently his location can not be
confirmed.
And so as the world finally returns to its state of rest, the
spaceship Adventure! soars through the darkness in superoverdrive. Boredom and idleness begins to erode away the crew's
minds, yet soon they will receive their biggest challenge yet. Don't
miss it in the next episode of Adventures! In Outer Space!
!113

Episode Six: Captain Earth versus Inter-Galactic Space Hitler or

Vivito Repugnantia
The crew was in a rundown warehouse in Gradsburg with
about a dozen leaders of the resistance and several hundred
rebels. There wasn't much furniture except for a couple chairs and
a table made out of rotten wood. They had followed the various
directions given to them by Command. The man with the deformed
face and a yellow scarf stood facing the group.
"Brothers, tomorrow we will begin our revolution. We will
strike fear into the heart of the king and his cronies by seizing the
post office. And even if we should fail, they will know that the
people will no longer tolerate a corrupt government's abuses and
negligence. No, when we finally have our freedom, our democracy,
no longer will the government enact sweeping legislation unpopular
with the people. No longer will we go to war without a clearly
defined reason, nor will the nobles' children be exempt from the
draft. No longer will the the races be separated by a wall of poverty
and opportunity; rather, every man will have the opportunity to
make as much money as he desires. No longer will our speech be
restricted and our privacy violated. The constables will be
protectors of the people and not oppressors. Education will worldclass, the arts and sciences will flourish, and all the people will be
united with one mind, the mind of compassion."

!114

He continued on like this for several minutes, gradually

breaking from his script into an improvisation. The small crowd
began to cheer more frequently until eventually they did so after
every sentence. The scene became like a Pentecostal tent rally.
The speaker would say a sentence, almost as though it were a
song, and the people would shout something like "Tell it" or "Yes".
Even the crew, at first somewhat apathetic except for James, was
getting in on the excitement. The hope for freedom and change
always stirs the heart to love this world.
At the close of his speech, he added, "We also have a
special division for homosexuals, bisexuals, transexuals, asexuals,
pansexuals, omnisexuals, aequalisexuals, unisexuals, consexuals,
and others with similar aberrancies. They're called GABO, but I can
never remember what that stands for. At any rate, they do extra
fighting for the cause of gay rights. They're holding their planning
meeting in five minutes."
Tim walked over to the meeting of the gay militia. There were
just short of a hundred people there. The man speaking was a
woman named Chris who wore an over-sized blue jacket and had
short brown hair. "Okay, tomorrow we begin our assault extra early.
In order for the breeders to take the post office, we'll need to create
a diversion. We will divide into ten teams. Each will be assigned a
nearby church or a chicken restaurant to burn down. While it is true
that not every church or chicken restaurant oppresses us, their
philosophy inadvertently produces hatred, and so we must not
discriminate. An attack from one is an attack from all, and we must
!115

defend ourselves. You will walk up to the establishment and set it

afire with gasoline. Then kill everyone who tries to leave. You may
think they are innocent, but they became accomplishes when they
gave their money to those senseless fucks. When everyone is
dead, come help defend the post office. Remember, we must do
whatever it takes to achieve our freedom, our equality, and our
deserved recognition!"
The meeting dispersed as everyone camped in their
divisions. Tim felt very divided. Yes, it was true that one should
support the gay rights movement, but this seemed rather extreme.
He certainly didn't want to betray his own people, but he didn't feel
entirely comfortable about killing people who may or may not have
been a part of the problem. Then again, as Chris had said, they
were accomplices by proxy, and even if they weren't, you can't take
chances when you're fighting a war. Innocents always die in a war,
so perhaps it was best to follow the orders anyway.
The next night he was sleeping inside the post office. The
day's fighting had gone as you'd expect. He didn't wake up, but he
found himself in a room like in a log cabin. There was a lit fireplace,
and through the window he could see a forest where it was
snowing. Inside the cabin, he saw his naked body sitting in a chair.
It was complete and not decomposed, yet it looked lifeless like an
animal carcass. He suddenly realized that he could not see himself,
nor was he anywhere in particular.
"Hello, Tim," said a voice coming from the body that sounded
just like his own.
!116

"I'm sure you can guess the questions I have," Tim replied,
surprising himself at how calm he felt.
"Yes. You've died of a brain aneurism. We're waiting to find
out what eternity is like. I am your body, and you are your soul."
"So is this heaven or hell?"
"It is neither. We are just waiting."
"So it's purgatory then?"
"No. We're just waiting."
"When will I find out?"
"In due time. I do not know how long it will be, but it will be
sufficient."
"I've never been much of a believer in God, I'll admit."
"No, we haven't."
"So I guess he does exist after all then?"
"Of course."
"Which one is He? I mean, which religion was right?"
"Oh, it's too late to ask that question."
"What determines where I go?"
"You will get whatever you desire. If you want Heaven, you
will enter it, and if you want Hell, then you will enter it instead."
"Wait, how do you know all this?"
"I've always known. It's you that has kept me in silence."
"Well, obviously I want to go to Heaven."
"Do you? Why do you want to go there?"
"Well, it's the good place, isn't it? I certainly don't want to go
to Hell."
!117

"And what's wrong with Hell?"

"Well...there's flames, right? And Satan?"
"No, that is just imagery."
"Then why is Hell so awful?"
"Because in Heaven, that is where you experience God."
Tim was silent for a moment. His body sat there immobile.
He wasn't sure how it could speak to him, and he wasn't sure if it
were an audible voice, but it definitely came from that direction. He
looked over his self and saw the story of his life. There is the scar
from when he fell on the barbed-wire fence. And here is the slight
deformity on his face from when his father would hit him. The
blisters on his genitalia. The holes in his teeth from his fillings which
were now absent. His scarred lungs from years of smoking. The
budding ulcer in his stomach. The fissures and stretch marks in his
rectum. The tumor in his pancreas. The tattoo from college.
"I'm not honestly sure whether I want Heaven or Hell."
"That is the correct answer. None of us truly know."
"I mean, I guess some people spend their lives thinking
they're pursuing him, but it always seemed like it could never
amount to anything."
"Oh, does it?"
"Can we really know God?"
"Can you?"
This caused Tim to pause. It was an unexpected answer to
his question. Finally, he responded, "I don't know. I suppose if there

!118

is a Heaven, then you can. But I thought all homosexuals go to

Hell."
"Why did you think that?"
"Because that's what everyone says the Bible says."
"You shouldn't buy into all the propaganda they give you."
"Who is 'they'?"
"Whoever they may be."
"So then, it is correct that no religion is correct because of
man's inabilities?"
"No, perhaps there is still a correct religion. But even then,
they would have their propaganda, some of which would be good,
and some of which wouldn't."
"Which religion?"
"Again, it's too late to ask that."
"But I want to know! That's the greatest question ever, and if
it doesn't matter anymore, then why not just tell me?"
"Because we never found out ourselves. We searched our
whole life for it, but we never found what we were looking for. And
then we died."
"Well, if we never found the correct religion, then I guess we
should go to Hell."
"Why should one go to Hell if he didn't hold the correct
beliefs?"
"Because we never satisfied God's requirement."
"But you don't even know what that requirement is."
Again, Tim was at a loss for words.
!119

"Honestly, I don't know anything about God. If Heaven is

about being with Him, I'm not sure I'll like it there."
"Well, we'll find out soon enough."
At that he felt his body grow quiet. He, that is, his soul, quit
speaking. He realized that he wasn't anxious anymore, although he
wasn't sure why considering he was facing his own mortality and
eternity. He would wait and then see. It wasn't an uncomfortable
wait, but rather like a long sleep in which one is conscious. It was
restful being there, wherever he was in the room, as though one
had just bought an expensive mattress and finally laid down on it
for the first night. There was no concept of time, so it wasn't truly a
wait. Rather, it was a remaining, a presence.
Back in the world, the sun rose outside the post office. Doris
was lying next to Tim. They were all packed so tightly in there, that
she accidentally elbowed him in the head when she sat up.
"I'm so sorry!" she exclaimed. When Tim didn't respond, she
began to shake him. "Tim, are you alright?" When he didn't move,
she took his pulse.
She gathered together James, John, and Magnus and told
them that Tim was dead. They gathered his body and left. The
Rhean state army had the revolutionaries blockaded in, but
fortunately they had parked their ship nearby, so they were able to
escape. The state army fired at them as they left, but since it was
early, there weren't many of them up. Soon the Adventure! was
flying through space back to Earth to return the body to Tim's
parents. James distracted himself with unnecessary planning, and
!120

Magnus stared off into the distance. Doris cried silently on John's
shoulder.
Next time, in Adventures! In Outer Space!, we will have the
much anticipated Epilogue, In Which Doris Gets Her Oats.
Notice:
Due to lack of subscription, Battlefield! In Outer Space is
cancelled. We sincerely apologize for any inconvenience.

!121

The Desert
I looked into the sand and saw nothing.
There were plants and lizards and rocks and trees,
And I saw nothing. The desert
Did not stare back. The desert
Did not stare, nor did I feel its presence.
I was alone in the abyss,
Out on the tiles,
Tiles for miles.
Will you be alone with this renegade?
Will you give me your youth?
For that I can trade my old age
When I get there, when I arrive
Deeper into the abyss, so deep that I no longer
Notice, I will give you my age.
Join me in loneliness. Join me
To be isolated under the rocks.
When the sandstorm hits.
I will hold you and keep you safe.
I will be alone with you.

!122

We are the generation of apathy.

We are the willfully ignorant.
I don't want to know,
And I don't want to care.
Will you be lonely with me?
We can walk this desert together.

!123

Lyrics Wouldn't You Want To Go

Wouldn't you want to go
And run away?
Wouldn't you want to live in a land
Where we wouldn't be in fear?
I don't want to give back
To the society that failed us.
But you and I can live
With each other here.
[Chorus]
With each other
I can touch her.
With each other,
She and her lover.
I can believe in a life
For you and me.
Wouldn't you want to run away
With me?

!124

Lyrics Sweet Mother Tobacco

Sweet mother tobacco
I'll rest in your arms.
Nurse me forever.
Dn't let me come to no harm.
Sometimes I try to leave you,
But I always find my way back.
I'll rest in your bosom,
And get all that I lack.
[Bridge]
Some people try to claim
You ain't no good for me.
But if they took a whiff of you,
Then they'd be able to breathe.
Sweet mother tobacco
I suck on your milk.
I hold it in my mouth
And savor it like silk.
I love your perfume;
It makes me salivate.
I put your nipple in my mouth
And find myself elate.

!125

Sweet madam tobacco,

Rolled into folds,
You are a powerful woman,
Beautiful and bold.
You hold your sway
Over many a man.
Forever I'll love you,
Forever at your command.

!126

For A Better World

I wished on a hope
For a better world.
I wished for love.
I wished for morals.
And I wished for a wife
And two point three kids,
With a white picket fence,
A home tucked away and hid.
I wished to be human,
To achieve normalcy.
Healthy and wise,
Autonomous and free.
I wished to be average
In a quaint small city
Where the air is clean
And the girls are pretty.

!127

My American Dream
Is for the young fools.
You have to be asleep
Or in a boring class at school
It's like being a rock star
Or a corporate exec.
Dreams are for the fools;
There's always a stacked deck.
Wouldn't it be nice to live
In a happier time
When rights were fewer
But the economy was on an incline?
We didn't need no prozac,
Didn't need no computer phone.
People had each other,
And people had their homes.
Nostalgia flows through he hears of us all.
Nostalgia is a word, though that always fails.
We like our legal procedure just fine.
People are afraid to step beyond rails..
"The gov'ment will save us!" That cry gets old.
While all our civil liberties unfold,
Misery and poverty have become
Closer friends, harsher winds, and bitter sons.
!128

Lyrics Someone Loves You

Someone loves you.
Someone near,
Someone dear.
I've waited all my life
For a chance at today.
If I let it slip by,
I'd be acting most grave.
And if you pass me by,
Then I'll be all alone.
And if you run and hide,
I'll slinker off back home.
Ring in my front pocket.
Black polish on my shoes.
A heart of love and grace
With everything to lose.
And if you pass me by,
Who will love me after?
Many girls have good times,
But you alone are tender.

!129

I love you.
To make it clear,
I am here.

!130

6 Things You Learn As A Necrophiliac

Before I wrote for Return of Kings, I submitted an outline for an
article to Cracked. Obviously they rejected it. Nevertheless, I
thought it was such a clever idea that I have fleshed it out for your
pleasure. Only the third point was already written out in full for the
outline.
Don't judge. Everyone has some sexual deviancy. Some
women like anal. Some men like German fecal porn. And everyone
likes girls kissing. Necrophilia is basically like using a pocket pussy,
but more realistic.
I spent a summer in college in Milan. Europe is on the
cutting edge of sexual innovation, and it made a real impression on
me. Although I hardly encountered any necrophilia there, the
liberation in general was very profound. You think the homosexuals
in America have some crazy nightclubs, but you have no idea the
twisted shit they do in Milan. It was kind of beautiful.
Sometime after I graduated, a morgue hired me as the night
security guard, since the last thing a hospital or morgue wants is a
newspaper story about how they lost a cadaver. After a while, you
get bored and fondly remember your youth. I figured I would do
some innovating of my own, especially since the morgue didn't
have Wifi.

!131

1. Necrophilia is nothing like zombie sex.

Have you ever seen the tv show Bob's Burgers? The
teenage girl in that show has a fetish for zombies, which is
absolutely disgusting. Zombies are rotting flesh. Corpses, however,
have had chemicals and makeup applied to them to make them
beautiful. The reality is that you will probably never look so
handsome as the day of your funeral.
2. Necrophilia is probably a lot like marriage.
I imagine necrophilia is a lot like marriage. Granted, I'm bad
with women, so I'll probably never be married, but like a virgin
daydreaming about his first sexual encounter, I have my guesses. I
saw the pilot of Nip/Tuck where the guy is screwing his wife, and
she barely notices. She asks, "Are you finished?" I think she's
reading a book or something, but I don't really remember, and the
show is too bloody and gross for me to watch again to check.
Of course, I could be wrong. They also say that marriage is
high and exalted and makes you never feel alone again. They say
that you need someone of the opposite sex to complete you, and
that you'll live and die miserable if you don't have a spouse. Maybe
someday I'll find my own wife. A man can dream.
3. You can never reach full shame and depravity.
Something inside of us humans can never reach our full
potential. Yes, you can be an astronaut if you really try hard
enough, but I'm talking about the opposite end of the spectrum.
!132

Something inside of us will refuse to reach down and do our

absolute worst, whatever that may be, even though shame is the
basis for all of civilization. It gives us the drive to create art and the
fear to not use bad manners. Yet we flight and fight against this
emotion all we can. Sometimes we're too late, and our fear of
shame will stop us from admitting we're wrong and mending a
broken friendship. Other times it comes early, preventing us from
doing that really awful thing you hate yourself for even thinking up.
So by the very laws of human nature, necrophilia isn't the
worst I can do. You see, I grew up in a very religious family. No, we
weren't Westboro crazy, but my mother did cry when Jerry Falwell
died and still thinks George Bush Jr. was an amazing president, so
you can get a picture of what I grew up in. If I really wanted to
disappoint my parents, I'd be gay and have an abortion. I can
picture my mother rationalizing, "Well, he fornicates with dead
women in secret, but it's not like he's parading down the street
holding another man's hand. Besides, souls leave their bodies at
death, so he's not even really fornicating." You can guess where I
get my vivid gift for philosophy from.
But I don't really care what my family thinks of me anymore,
as evidenced by how I'm no longer spamming people's Facebook
walls with pictures of aborted fetuses. If I really wanted to end up
friendless and alone, I'd casually spout racial obscenities in front of
my friends in public places. There's no way their fragile white guilt/
fear would let them justify hanging around me anymore. Then
again, if they knew I was fucking the kind of people who lost the
!133

race for the cure, they'd probably abandon me anyway. So I guess

this whole section was erroneous. Sorry for wasting your time.
Continue on to my next point.
4. You can totally reach full shame and depravity.
Often I feel like an adulterer. I hate keeping my sex life in
secret, but such is the modern world. I wish we could revolutionize
things so that we wouldn't have to be so hushed up about sex. Why
are we embarrassed about such an essential act? America has
always been radically prudish. It's like living in Victorian England.
I know you're thinking that this must just be a necrophilia
thing, but it seems true with most people's sex lives. When was the
last time there was a bachelor politician openly having one night
stands? We did all this social change in the 1960s, but sexual
morality just will not die already.
5. Necrophilia is actually very natural.
I'm sure the reader has been wanting to ask, "In what way is
it enjoyable?" Frankly, it's not much different than making love to
your sock, but it makes me feel more cultured than Europe, and we
definitely need culture in the Deep South.
The fun is in the danger of getting caught. It makes me feel
like I'm in high school again, back when I used to rent buckets of
golf balls and throw them at cars, always wondering if someone will
pull a gun out at me or try to run me off the road.

!134

6. It doesn't have to be a life lifestyle.

I'm sure the next question the reader has been holding is,
"How long are you going to do this?" Honestly, it's just a passing
hobby. In a few weeks I've got an interview for job in insurance, the
dream job of everyone with a liberal arts degree. The job has a
confusing title, and I'm not sure what all it involves is no matter how
many times they explained it to me. But I'm excited to be living a
normal life soon. Insurance workers are always your good oldfashioned 1950s neighbors, at least on the advertisements.
Will I ever have sex with corpses again if I get the insurance
job? Probably not unless the opportunity arises. I'm not a serial
killer with bodies in a freezer. I'm just an average guy who got
bored at a job like everybody does.

!135

Fairy Tales And Fantasies

Fairy tales and fantasies,
A trip to Disney World.
'57, free-driven,
A younger time for girls.
White fence, castle moats;
It's all I've ever dreamed.
What can I say? Thrown away!
Disney is for the breeze.
Dreaming hard, I wake again
On the castle steps.
Farquad comes with Cinderella,
Having lost their pep.
Today's the day for the Brave,
The Brave and Bayou.
Can't complain about a buyer's market;
Mr. Disney has to eat too.
Tell a dream,
Tell it to me.
Make me feel asleep.
Bring me to Disney World,
And my life will be complete.

!136

Disney girls and fairy tales,

Wake me with a kiss.
Man is dead, the dream is done;
America stares without list.
Disney dreams and fantasies,
It's all that means to me.
I want to go to Disney
And live the American Dream.

!137

Miss You
It didn't last long,
Like a fleeting song,
And you think you're doing what's right.
We had good times,
And what did we find?
You had a little fear and took flight.
It would have been nice
To have done things right.
We could have spent the time growing older,
Working as a team,
Like an eagle's wings,
But that was a burden you didn't shoulder.
I miss you.
I know it's sad
For me to seem had,
But it is true
That I miss you.
I've tried others,
But they make poor lovers.
Here comes my cue:
I miss you.

!138

Lyrics If I Missed You

If I missed you,
would you call me weak?
If I try to move on,
Is it contrived?
If I think about you
When I pass that bar,
and every relationship
Feels like a false start.
[Pre-Chorus]
And when I kissed the girl last night when I was drinking
I thought about you,
And it got me thinking.
[Chorus]
Why did you have to throw it away
You're even more miserable today.
Why did you give to someone else
When you were saving it away?
You beg and you plead,
But what did you expect?
I'll find someone else
Who can give me respect.

!139

Human
It's a foggy morning in 1862. My scout troop is somewhere in
rural Virginia. I think at least. Fuck me, I don't know where we are.
We could be in Tennessee for all I know. I hate this war. I hate
eating shit for every meal, and I hate the constant disease. God
knows what's taken over my foot. Some kind of fungus or
something. The skin is yellow and has a kind of black vein under it.
I think it's April now. We're in a patch of trees on the lookout
for rebels. We've been roving around this area for six months now. I
think. Maybe we've moved somewhere else. And who knows how
long I've been fighting. It's probably not even 1862 anymore.
Probably never was.
I'm from Ohio. Sunny Ohio. Where the fields are flat and the
trees bend to your will. Out here, they watch you. The trees, they
dominate your every move. You are their slave, like a bitch being
raped by another breed. It's colder in Virginia, too. I know it. Ohio is
warm and sunny. Where the hickory shades you from all the world's
troubles. Pecan pie and sunny music.
The fog's starting to clear with the sunrise. You can see
across the way a little. Only trees for miles and miles. Mountains on
top of mountains with trees in between. But not much. The fog's still
pretty thick. You're always hearing gunshots. All through the night,
every few hours or so, gunshots. The day is no better. In some
ways worse. Always the constant bullets. The sound of fear.

!140

I'm always in a state of fear. Not just fear of death or pain but
fear of myself. I'm losing my mind. I can feel it slowly more and
more each day. I'm dying. But I fear the bullets too. I don't want to
die. You slowly become comfortable in fear. It's all I know anymore.
I wouldn't know what to do with stability.
The gunshots are becoming more frequent. I think we're a
scout troop. I really don't remember anymore. I'm not sure I care
either. We wander around and kill. That's all I need to know.
In the distance, barely, I see people running by. Their
shouting. Our troop is coming behind them. They turn around and
fire frantically. One of our guys falls, but really they Rebs didn't
have the time to aim. We've got them now. They surrender. We
remove their arms and tie their hands up. There's a shout of joy
from our troops. Some men are singing about Glory or some shit,
and the captain takes a swig of his whiskey.
"Back to base, men. We need to put these in the prisoner
camp."
Do we? Why not just kill them? I guess it's wrong to kill the
surrendered. I mean, they have families too. It's kind of a hassle to
take them to the prisoner camp, but I suppose it's the right thing to
do. You shouldn't kill unless you have to.
I didn't even want to come to this war. They say the barons
in the South hire their negroes to go for them or something. I'd like
that. Hire someone else to die for me. Goddamn. Maybe I should
have gone to Canada. They say it's nice up there. Water and all.

!141

Sea-fishing villages. Shit. I hate the South so much. Why do we

want this hell-hole back anyway? They can keep it for all I care.
The lieutenant is interrogating them. Maybe there's some
others around wanting to get us. Who knows.
"Do you have a smoke?" asks one of the captured privates.
Young chap. I guess he's a private. Doesn't look important at all.
I give him a smoke.
"My name's Junius," he says.
"What kind of name's Junius?" I ask.
"He was the founder of the Roman Republic. A man of
freedom."
"You must be one of them baron-types I hear about.
Southern nobility."
He laughs. "You could say that."
"I'm Bill. Poor folk from Ohio."
"Alabama."
"Is it nice?"
"You should see the hickory in the summertime."
"Can't be better than Ohio hickory."
We sit for a few minutes in awkward silence.
"Is it true about the prisoner camp?" he asks. I mean, the
place of rumors?"
"What rumors?"
"Well, nobody knows for certain, but they say the Yanks have
a camp where everyone's cramped in real tight. And there's just this
one ditch you drink out of, but it's full of your urine and stuff."
!142

"I don't know. Probably. I don't really pay attention. But that
sounds like something we'd make."
Junius shudders.
"They say you eat so little that you can see your bones
through your skin."
"Like an African."
"No, worse. I haven't ever seen a nigger like that."
"Who knows? We ain't too fond of Southern folk, so it
probably exists. I think I may have heard of something like that. Not
sure though."
More silence.
"So if you're so rich and all, why didn't you just hire one of
your negroes to fight for you?"
"What in hell are you talking about?"
"You southern rich folk. You've got your slaves, and you pay
them to go to war for you. Am I right?"
"No, no. You can't trust a nigger to fight against his own
freedom. Sometimes, people will pay poor white people to fight for
them. But my father wanted me to help found this country."
"Sounds like a shitty pap to me."
"I'm proud of my father," he said with a slightly raised voice,
"and I'm proud to found the great Confederate States of America."
"Okay, sorry. I suppose it's noble."
"You don't sound much like a yankee."

!143

"Oh, I don't care about the war. I'm just here because Lincoln
would take my farm if I didn't. You'd be surprised how many
northerners want the south to piss off and leave."
"Really? Hot damn! We thought you were all some kind of
Royalist or some sort."
"No, no. That's just Mr. Lincoln's vendetta. The man's
cracked I tell you. Bringing the whole country on his crusade."
"Maybe you're not such a bad person after all."
"I don't know. I don't care about whether or not if I'm bad."
"Oh, well then, good. There was something I had wanted to
ask."
"I ain't letting you go!"
"No, no, not that. Look, I can't stand the thought of that
prison camp. Could you just..." Here he lowers his voice to a kind of
whisper. "Shoot me? Call it an accident or something."
Here was a gaudy thought. Put a gun to his head and end it
all.
"No, I can't kill a man like that. It's inhuman."
"Please, I'd do the same for you."
"It's just wrong to kill a man without needing to. It's
unnatural."
"How's it any different from killing a man on the battlefield?"
"Because you're right there in front of me. And we've been
talking and shit. I just can't. It'd be...wrong."
"I thought you didn't care about right and wrong."

!144

"I didn't say that. I don't give a shit about the war. But I've still
got my humanity."
"No, you've got your emotions. Now look, I know it's difficult
to murder a man. You seem like a good man at heart. But we
humans can develop. We can move beyond our emotions to
something abstract-like. Do you see?"
"No, I don't."
"Look, I know you don't want to kill me. It would feel awful.
But you can choose to kill me. It'd be an act of mercy. If I don't die
here, I'll die in that horrible prison camp."
"I...I...That's just not my problem. Look, I've got to go. I'll
come around later and give you another cigarette."
"Giving me cigarettes doesn't make you a good person."
And with that I leave. That's a thought right there. Killing a
man of my own will. Shit. But I guess those prison camps are pretty
rough. I don't even know if we've got one like that or not, but we
probably do. Hell.
It's the next day. We're wading through the forest and stop
for lunch. I go over to Junius.
"I've been doing some thinking, and, and...I'll do it. I'll kill
you."
"Oh, thank you so much. Your lieutenant has his back
turned. Now's the perfect time."
I pause. "No, not now."
"Why not?"
"Just because it's too easy to get caught."
!145

"Make it look like an accident."

"I can't. Too easy to get caught now."
"No it ain't. Come on."
"I'm scared, alright? I can't do it. It just...it just feels wrong."
"To hell with feelings. Don't be a pussy."
I am a pussy. I can't even mercy-kill a man about to go to a
horrible death. But it's wrong to kill a man like that. I just know it
deep down. I don't know why, but I just know it. You shouldn't kill a
man if you can help it. Even animals know that.
We trek through for a while longer. The sky grows dim, and
we stop to make camp. It's cold out here. I do my best not to look at
Bill, but he's been staring at me for hours. I ought to slap him, but
I'll give him his small pleasure. At any rate, the sky will be all black
soon, so it won't matter.
I hear yelling. Someone grabs me from my bed and ties my
arms. Damn it. We've been captured by the rebels. A platoon of
them found us. Now we see a scene much like earlier. A few men
are crying. I've got a pain in my neck, and my wrists are bleeding a
little from the rope. I can't see anything because it's so dark, but I
hear someone shouting at the lieutenant. Maybe waterboarding.
Junius walks over to me.
"Junius, what kind of prison camp do ya'll got?"
"I don't know, Bill. I don't know."
"Probably something rough."
"Well, we certainly don't like your kind."
"Can't much blame you there."
!146

"You a religious man?"

"No, I don't give damn about that sort of thing."
"Well, why not?"
"I just don't see the point in it, ya hear? There just ain't no
goddamn point."
"Alright, alright."
Junius walks away. What if their camp is like the one he
described earlier? Christ only knows what awaits me. Drinking my
own shit water. Hoping I die as soon as I can. Insides rotting. Bones
showing through my skin. Cannibals and sodomy. I can't bear the
thought. Spending the last few months in a place like that. For
what? Mr. Lincoln's empire?
"Junius! Hey, Junius!"
"What's up, Bill?"
"You know how you said you'd kill me if I asked?" It's starting
to get light out.
"Yeah. Is that what you want?"
"Yeah, real bad. I was thinking...what if your prison camp is
like the one you described to me?"
"I don't know, Bill. It's probably something like that."
"Probably."
"But I don't know if I can kill you point blank."
"Why not?"
"Because...it's just wrong."
"What about all that talk about evolution and shit? Can't you
will yourself to do what you know is right?"
!147

"I don't know if it is."

"If I don't die here, I'll die there even more painfully. Killing
me now is mercy. It's Christian-like."
"I...I suppose that makes sense."
"While it's still a little dark out. Kill me quick. They'll think it
was a skirmish or something. Have mercy. Apes ain't got no mercy."
"Apes only kill if they have to."
"And that's the problem. Men can make choices. We can
choose to rise above or sink below. Animals ain't got no choices,
but we men can be human."
And even though the light is barely visible, I can see tears in
his eyes. He picks up a gun from the ground and slowly draws it.
He hesitates and then shuts his eyes as he suddenly draws the
trigger. I feel a sting in my throat and fall limp. There's some
shouting back and forth. I'm not sure what's said. But all's quickly
going dark.

!148

Assignment, Spring 2010

A teacher asked
Banefully to
Come up with, to
Do a sentence never,
Ever having been said.
Fuck, I cant begin to
Guess, much less think
How I should do this.
I know everything, or
Just about, is done by
Kids already. I
Laugh, mocking at how
Most all is used.
Nothing can be new!
Oh! I have a
Perfect one! Not a
Quid pro quo, but
Really a great
Sentence. And it is
This: Alice Thompson is
Ugly. Never, Im
Very sure, has this
Went through ones lips,
Exiting out of truth.
!149

Why is plain to see, for

Xerxes had less glory.

!150

Lyrics Standing By The Sea

Standing by the sea,
Though the storm is long,
I can hear the sirens calling,
And your name is their song.
Bruised and rejected,
Harboring ourselves away,
Killing forgotten dreams,
In this bay I find
You, sweet maiden, you,
Memories fadin', though they're
Beauty-laden,
I want what's true. Cause
Only sighs and byes lose.
I will run the race
To win the
Crown of
Your love.
No powers shall keep me
From my home.
We are alone.

!151

Lyrics Long Goes the Road

Long goes the road
That leads us out of here.
And long fall the tears
That set us free.
Once I knew in part,
But now they've revealed all.
How much more is hidden from me?
Don't let me go.
You're my brother, too.
We've been on this road for far too long
To find what's promised to me and to you,
And our friendship will be our song.
I can feel the rain
Rough on my back
And know that you're my true friend.
The journey will set us free
And then we shall return again.
And though the road is long
And the mud is cold,
I'll stay by your side.
Guide me, my captain,
And I will hold on.
And into you I will confide.
!152

We tell stories to pass the time,

Stories of love and fortune.
All is good when caught in our minds,
Though we are left as orphans.
And when the inns are all full,
And the beer has run dry,
And the horses are too hungry to trot,
I can still hold on next to you
And our enemies will be fought.
The Tennessee night sky
And the gas station lights
Are family, like the food chains.
And we all want to escape,
But this is our home,
So let our lives lie in their graves.
And the Devil's black book
Is written in cigarette ash,
And we all know it leads to an early death.
But we light up anyway
'Cause we're too young to buy beer,
And we're too afraid to commit theft.

!153

The Wisdom of St. Eupenthos

I. I looked out my window upon the mounts,
And saw only beauty in its stillness.
There are two leeches upon the soul's life:
One is called virtue and the other sin.
Shall I return to the well of my God
Or do I find a fear of emptiness?
But Jeremiah is the only truth
I have ever found. Few men in church have
The integrity of such a poet.
Life is an empty well, and we all drink
Its mud. My chest aches of its struggling breath.
Will God give me his promised land?
I will rest for another day.
II. We were decent men dying in indecent times.
We each were our own fallen god, hateful and torn.
We gather in vain. Let us break the fellowship.
I sometimes wonder if the only truth
Is folklore and Hellenic myth.
The Baptist Church has given their
Books of canonical law, but that too
Have we burned at the gates
Of our city. They tell us to accept
And submit, but I believe
!154

In rejection and rebellion.

We hate them because they first hated us.
When will I wake up,
Oh slumberer,
Oh, drunkard?
III. I am without soul or body,
A dying corpse.
I am a burner of the evil within the
Taverns of our vices,
Taverns not of beer and stale bread
But of hatred and of stubbornness.
My soul and spirit,
They are dying.
Why not let my body go next?
I would kill myself if I weren't afraid of death.

!155

I Killed A Man Today

I killed a man today.

He was a fat Jew.
Not that I have anything against Jews or anything;
I just happened to notice
That he was fat and looked like a Jew.

Im not sure why I did it. He was just standing there, and
I had a sudden urge to put a pen through his neck, so I did.
He didnt really do anything to deserve it. I just felt
Like killing someone. Weve all been there.

He probably has a wife.

The policeman will come to her door
And tell her the news, and she will cry on his shoulder.
She probably never finished college, so shell have to go back to
work.
Shell get a job washing clothes at a hotel,
And all the drunks who work in the kitchen
Will laugh at her and make Jewish jokes,
Because that is what cooks do. I would know.

!156

Her kids will be taken out of private school

And put into the government schools.
All day the other kids will yell,
Annie and Alex the orphans
Like to abuse endorphins.
They sit all day,
As their happiness fades,
And their misery is a-morphin.
Kids always use bad grammar when they tease each other.

Annie and Alex will soon go to middle school,

Where Alex will meet new friends
Who'll give him a joint,
And soon hell start dealing
To make extra money.
Annie will start wearing a lot of make-up
And date a lot of guys
And think that just because she doesnt kiss them,
Shes not a slut. But soon theyll push her farther
And farther, and eventually shell have an abortion
When shes a Sophomore. It happens
To the best of us.

!157

Their mother, whose name is probably Janie,

Will take up smoking and drink a bottle of red wine every day.
She will be laid off from the hotel and
Will then find work at a retail shoe store.
She will live on government money until she dies of cancer.
Annie and Alex wont come to the funeral,
Because Alex will be in government-mandated
Rehab, and Annie wont care.

Thinking back on it all,

It was pretty rotten what I did.
I probably shouldnt have killed him.
But whats done is done.
Maybe if I send Janie some flowers
That will make it better.
But then again, she might be allergic,
So Id better not.

!158

Fanatical Feminism and Foolishness

There is a glory to activism. Soldiers
for petty complaints march down on our land,
Trying to uproot what we've thought to be good and
stable with the wild shows of emotions.
Feminists are my theme, particularly one.
She, a radical as is most common
Cool, sought to reach an unreached fame in the movement.
She sought secretly rapage so that she
Too could complain on the news about the evils
Of the male-ruled society around
Her which she truly believed. So she would go out
At the worst of night, bravely seeking the
Worst of mankind, dreaming of the great glory to
Be attained in such sorrowful measures.
Through the worst neighborhoods of the city,
Trav'ling over bridges and through tunnels.
Fin'lly a figure approaches. She stands
Feebly brave and steps under a light-post.
Suddenly he turns from her. "Where are you
Going?" she asks. "Will you not despoil me?"
"What little breasts you have droop down. Your hair
Is not kept. You have the teeth of an Englishman.
Most worst, you look like you want it. Rape is
About control, not mutual desire."
!159

And so the man left the woman feeling

More undesired than her alcoholic
Father ever made her.

!160

Preces
When I was in college, I came across a collection of Puritan prayer
poems called The Valley of Vision. I was so impressed that I
decided to write my own, which were well-received by my friends at
the time. Realizing that some may consider this out of theme from
the rest of the anthology, I present here the twelve preces.
I
May I make not the things of you into idols,
Little Saviors who don't hold powers which
Can save, but fill a mold, only hollow faades.
Godly men say things, and to them I raise
My holy hands, worshipping the servant, not the
Master himself, the divine creator.
Wicked man that I am, how easily I err
Into unsensed sin. Catch me, O God, back.
The gods of me provide a soft, dying candle,
But you are the radant and wild sun.
A fire gives warmth so long as it is to be fed,
But the good God stays, never changes, and
Yet does as he pleases. He loves the saved and he
Welcomes to him back those in darkness err'd.
May I see my darkness, and run to the true God,
When I leave the light of your fulfillment.
!161

II
Prune me deeper, so that I might be one holy.
Prune me so deep I cannot anymore
Stand, but must to lean on you and your grace. And I
Will not remember my sins of old as
A chain binding, but as to teach the young Christians.
I will rest in you, and you will heal me.
I will rise in your grasp, and you won't let me fall.
If I shall fall down, it will be by me,
Only the errs of man can separate your touch.
Prune me deeper, Lord, for I do not know
What way is right, only who can guide me t'himself.
Teach me t'listen well, for I don't know how.
In grace is true godness, and in grace is vict'ry
Over my own snares. Lead me not to death.

!162

III
Why do I seek your face, only to have you turn?
Have I not sought you? And you've left me not?
My friends prosper by lakes of milk and your honey,
But I alone starve in the wilderness.
I asked for your accountability and you
Left me alone, yes, still in the darkness.
Where's the spirit promised, 'bout whom Paul wrote in such
Moving letters which 'spire the masses still?
Why does ev'ry other Christian live in blessing?
At the vanity of your grace I mourn.
Yet it's not you who's left my side, but my own err,
My own deafness, the damning limp of men.
How easily I ask and don't listen to the
Very guidance asked by my questioning.
I ask and look for one answer, and if you don't
Give thus, then I say, "Where is my God, who
Has abandoned me to the wilds of my own self?"
I say, "Heal me, God; forgive my dark sin."
Still I look not for grace, but for divine liquor
To hide the old dark with a smoth'ring cloth.
I glorify men and angels, yet I hate you,
What divine wines and of earth do I drink!
"I will learn all knowledge. I will give to the poor.
Then I'll erase that. No more I'll be dark."
!163

What foolishness I make! I fear that I may spread

To those younger and weaker in their faiths.
Why have you let me live, with such evil and hate
For you and the good given to me still?

!164

IV
Show me my true motivations, Teacher, so that
I may be made pure and acceptable.
Do I dwell on your word, 'til dawn pouring over
The truths, subtleties, and the convictions
To make myself righteous? Rather, would it be best
To put your word down until I know what
Reason I have to cling to you? Show me, O God,
So that I may love rightly, and not as
A faade of old men, never made new. Show me,
So that your true word will not cause me to
Stumble. Show me so that I may love with the heart
Of a humble slave, and reach the broken.
Can one follow right you but not himself? Can I?
It must be true, God, for otherwise you
Would not have commanded us to do this true deed.
Kill my nat'ral soul, and give a lightful
Guidance, so that I may return to your fountains
Of love, like the milk of a mother cow
And the honey of a son of a king, the well
Only you can dig. Kill my nat'ral soul.

!165

V
I long for death, for this earth holds secret evil.
We can't see this curse, but still we feel it
Through ev'rything we do and say. Kill me, O God,
For I've no more drive. No more purpose stays.
I lie in bed, thinking of the vain things I seek:
Immateral wealths: friends, knowledge. Such
Things don't bring will, and I know this, but I have no
Other reason left. How can I seek you?
Give me passion for you, for if I don't believe
That you can meet my desires most inward,
Then I am but an unbaptized heathen, and should
Pursue sex and pride. Show me the truth, Guide,
Which I already know but don't believe. Show me
What your spirit longs to teach this deaf man.

!166

VI
My pride within swells while I am working these words,
For I know the strength of my own good craft.
But you, Deus meus, gave me this potic
Way of writing down these thoughts on my mind.
What good does it do me? Is there a way to know
Why I sit and write? I praise with oxes,
Slain in redeeming blood, but my soul is just like
A bowl only at the rim clean and washed.
Throw me from your city, down to the gates of Hell.
It is so hard to accept your good grace.
I can only worship myself, despite my wish.
Pursue me with love; the first act is yours.
Nothing in me can want your light. Rapture me in
Your pure, holy light, for I've forgotten
The way back home. Will your letters show me? Will you?
Is it a wrong act to feel good and well
About my strengths? "Look, men, I wrote a pretty poem."

!167

VII
Look at my sin, playing in the meadows, like a
Pagan, little nymph. Cute and petite, it's
Worthy of a casu'l chuckle, just a mild-ful
Snicker, hardly seen. Play on, little friend,
For God loves me anyway. Play on with the Bacchus.
Pour a libation to the mighty Jove!
The diviners and the augurs can't be so big
That they'll cut me off from my God, can they?
Oh, God, we are a church of unbaptized pagans.
Pagan pastors lead, and pagan men sit,
Goats who look like your sheep. Can we stop challenging
Our congregation? Can we prove it true?
No, I shall not give up my gods and concubines.
Rationalizing is just what we do.
Please stop preaching, pastor. I know God's good gospel.
But how about you? You work without love.
I can only see the outside, but God knows who
Loves abandonly, who loves only God.

!168

VIII
Oh, God, bind us Christians to each other and give
To us union more than has been e'er seen.
Give us the will to shine your light into the world,
So that they will know that we are of you.
Teach us to love and to know right without thinking.
Teach harmony and peaceful, loving bliss.
We will delight in your gi'en words and deeds. Teach us
Your old parables. Teach us your prophets.
We do not wish to lose any of your true book,
For truth arriving will show our hatreds.
Like a piglet upon his sow's breast, we'll cling to
Your word and the milk. For thus by your word
And your presence can our infancy be nourished.
Only by you, Good Doctor, can we love.

!169

IX
My God, how we all fall away! I've come to know
So many friends, friends who say, "In my youth
I was so intimate with God, but now I have
grown cold," like a mere fact of mere life. Gale,
Stir me to not settle. Stir me onto your side.
Your milk mothers my helpless cries of pain.
As a baby needs milk, and a woman a dad,
Thus too do I cringe without the warm love
With which you feed my soul. Ev'ry one abandoned
Me in my youth, Thus today they do, too.
My own father left me. He sought the wide world's goods.
And my mother, she was a prostitute.
My sole brother would strike me down. My wife married
My best, closest friend. Only my God cares.
Only my God will not leave this wretched sinner.
My friends will leave you. Give me the will, My
Master, so that I may stay forever with you.
Show me your love first, so I can love you.

!170

X
A prostitute has my virginity, and all
The men of the world despise and hate me.
Where are my friends who promised me love and caring?
They have become cold. The Greeks and Jews turn,
And the Christians smile with the Christian smile of feigned
Love, love which is mere petty mannering.
Walk in the dew with me. Teach me about your face.
Like a husband's wife, I will need your strength.
I will find my identity in you, trusting
In your opinions alone. Kill me, Love,
So that I will not be loving this world of cruel
Faades and false men. Heaven calls me home.

!171

XI
I'm still mourning for my old sins, but help me trust
In the graces which only you can give.
If I live in your grace, friends and fam'ly will fade.
For you can fill this, the hole of applause.
Draw me closer, and I will let this magnet pull.
You're my only friend. No one but you cares.
In the morning, remind me back, and keep this thought
Present all day long. Then when I try sleep,
It will keep me safe from myself by your comfort.
I'll fall asleep more quickly. Bliss will escort me
Through my dreams and night temperaments. If God's a color,
Ev'ry thing else is tainted by that hue.
Fatigue grips me, and tomorrow will be busy,
But is tomorrow God? For I want you
More than sleep or the food. I have a full bladder,
But your presence makes forgetfulness strong.
May this be the year that I say that I have come
To know the God more. Draw me closer, Love.

!172

XII
When men praise me and call me godly, remind me
To shun their words, for no man can tell the
Heart of another. Only you know our measure
Of love given you. People and friends look
To me and say, "Well, done, good and faithful servant.
Your fruit's ripened well." But do they know my
Motivations? And even if mine are righteous,
They have no way of knowing that. I will
Put my faith in you alone, for who else can tell
All of my sins I ever committed.

!173

Symposium For One

Symposium for one tonight
Beer and a movie in an under-furnished apartment.
Symposium for one tonight
We'll invite a friend,
Depression and his wife Suicide.
Depression is a loud drunk
That offends everyone around him.
But Suicide, she is the quiet type.
She wears a red dress,
And her lips are painted in poison.
I sometimes think about having a tryst with her.
She looks at me shyly,
But I'm not sure I'd fornicate with her.
Perhaps just a kissjust bug spray
Instead of a knifein the next room.
That might not be too permanent.
Depression would be angry at me.
"Dude, that's not what I meant,"
He would say. "I'm sorry, man."
There would be tears in my eyes.
"I'm so fucking sorry. I just lost control."

!174

These are my friends. Philerotic love can't be forced

To come around, and Friendship is too unstable.
Hope is just a motivational poster on the wall.
These are my friends, and they will
Never abandon me like my parents did.

!175

Verse, Chorus, Verse

Verse, chorus, verse.
I am a clown
With a big, sad frown.
I entertain and tell jokes,
And all my friends love me for it.
I am a storyteller
Desperately trying to find something new to tell.
I am a power drill
With a motor wearing down;
Someday I'll give out.
I am an atheist
Angry at God.
I am a Christian
Who doesn't believe in miracles.
I am a fist-fighter.
I am a whore.
I am all your fears
Thrown at you underneath
Your carefully guarded conscious.
I am a nihilist
Who has run out of matches and gasoline.
I am a nihilist
Without a reason to not care anymore.
I don't see the point in burning the city.
!176

I don't see the point in crucifying god

Or in suicide or in beer or sex or knowledge.
Verse, chorus, verse.
The storyteller is out of stories.
I am an alcoholic, a teenage smoker,
Looking for heaven in the world of vice.
I am a human,
Not sure how to find Jesus.
He's out there somewhere,
And I have an inkling,
But I'm not sure even God
Can cover over this wound.
Can you taste the blood?
I miss the days when I loved God.
I would sit at my piano,
Singing hymns out of key.
Jesus and I, we were pretty tight.
Now, we don't want philosophy,
And we don't want history.
We don't want democracy.
We don't want theology.

!177

I Think I'll Go Home And Cut My Wrists

I think I'll go home and cut my wrists.
All the blood will flow out
And drown the world in my hatred.
With my angst released,
Finally I will know peace.
I'll smile at all the living
Living in fear. They are afraid of
Each other and themselves.
We were not made with a spirit of fear,
But we chose one anyway.

!178

Lyrics Do You Believe In Suicide?

Do you believe in suicide?
Do you believe that men can fly?
Is this all you wanted and dreamed,
Only to find out what they really mean?
I believe in rock n' roll;
It's the only thing that distracts my soul.
It empties me out when I'm feeling full,
And I'm brought back down numb and cold.
And I believe in pretty girls as well.
Don't touch, don't ask, and don't tell.
Yes, I think there's some truth to her spell.
I can't believe just how hard I fell.
Do you believe in suicide?
I used to, but there's no way to fail.
And if you can't fail, you can't hide
From the fear of the other side.
I believe that we all die.
If men are pigs, then women are bitches.
Our barnyard noises will rise to the sky
As we make love in our ditches.
!179

We were decent men dying in indecent times.

We were dying without having committed crimes.
We were crying at all the warning signs.
We were crying because we were so blind.
The paranoia, it feels so good,
And yes, I know I could.
But I made a vow anyhow;
And I must continue on the road I've plowed.
Yes, there are promises to keep;
The shepherd should not devour his sheep,
Eating another before he falls asleep.
We all need promises to keep.

!180

Of Age
William had been driving around his Southern town looking
for drugs. He had just made a sale of bootlegged pornography
videos and was eager to put his money to what he considered good
use. William avoided hard drugs but had no qualms about safer
substances like marijuana and hallucinogens. His truck was an old
manual transmission on the last leg of his life, so he was unable to
travel outside the town for fear of breaking down on the interstate
without a towing company for thirty miles.
Within the preceding year, a software had been developed
that requires special permission to delete history and even alerts
them when certain websites were visited on their network. The
phone companies soon added a service where teens couldn't visit
certain sites and would notify their parents when they tried to.
Suddenly pornography became very difficult to acquire, and many
men in their late teens and early twenties could make good money
pirating pornography DVDs. For the teenagers under eighteen, it
could be difficult to come across a dealer. The film companies had
tried everything to prevent the pirating, but with basic screencapture software, it was no struggle to copy a pornographic film.
The teenagers themselves were almost a little glad for the difficulty,
since the quality had increased tremendously without the amateurs
on the internet.
William had a few leads on drug dealers, but none of them
had worked out. It must have been due to how late in the semester
!181

it was. College kids would come in at the beginning of the term with
all sorts of substances, but they would soon run out. Thompson
State University was too isolated to travel to make a drug run when
exams were this close. Sometimes dealers would travel to the town
with the intention of distributing, but there weren't enough students
to make the trip worth it for many of them. One cannot merely roll
into town with a strange county on your license plate and unload a
dozen cardboard boxes without seeming suspicious.
William parked outside his dorm but sat in his car for a while.
He wanted anything but to study for an exam in such a boring
subject, and he kept repeating to himself, "Responsible adult.
Responsible adult." He considered diverting the time by eating at
the Denny's across the street. Finally he exited the vehicle and saw
a girl walk his way.
She was fairly short with long brown hair. Her nose was just
slightly turned upwards at the end. She was cute, although not
quite hot. The girl was more wifey-looking than the girls in his
videos.
William had never been good with women, but he decided to
seize the opportunity, having been given a few pointers from his
roommate. Looking just off to the side, he accidentally bumped hard
into her shoulder.
"My God! I'm so sorry!"
The girl was kneeling on the ground.
"Watch where you're going!"
"I'm so sorry! Let me help you up."
!182

He pulled her back up, taking care to hold her by the arm
and not by the hand.
"My name is William."
"Ashleigh."
He shook her hand, taking care to turn his to the right.
"Wonderful weather out here. Not like this often."
"Hardly. I didn't think it would be this cold this far south. I
didn't bring a jacket from home."
"Really? So then you're a freshman."
"Yes, what about you?"
"Sophomore. So are you liking TSU?"
"Yes, absolutely. College is so much fun. I've made so many
great friends."
"Where are you off to?"
"The library. I'm meeting a friend to study."
"Tell you what, you're right that it's cold out here. I'm going to
Denny's. Do you want to come?"
Ashleigh gave an uncertain smile.
"Sure."
She quickly sent a text on her phone. They walked across
the street to the Denny's as Will asked her various questions about
her hometown and family. Inside they were sat at a booth
uncomfortably in the middle of the restaurant.
Ashleigh continued, "I'm really liking my English classes.
We've been focusing a lot on women writers who were important in
history," Ashleigh said.
!183

"Really? Like who?" replied Will. She had to admit to herself,

he certainly was good looking. Tall with dirty blonde hair, although
not much muscle.
"Well, like Zora Neale Hurston was important."
"Never heard of her. Who did she influence?"
"Oh, she was just influential in general."
"Right."
"You don't think there are good women writers?"
"All I've read by women is the fluff poetry they gave us in
high school, so I wouldn't know."
She wasn't sure what to say to that, so she changed the
subject.
"So do you go to church?"
"No, well, I mean, I used to, but not anymore."
"Why not?"
"Oh, I just don't see the point. What kind of Christian are
you? Like, Baptist, Catholic, Presbyterian."
"Roman Catholic. I go to St. Matthew's on Fairview Street.
What did you used to go to?"
"Baptist."
"Why did you quit?"
"I just wasn't getting anything out of it, and, you know, I'm not
sure how we can actually know which religion is true. I mean, I think
man is certain to get things wrong. But I still believe in God."
Again, Ashleigh was not sure what to say. She was getting
frustrated.
!184

"So why did you decide to major in history?" she asked.

"I just find it interesting. It's pretty hard, though. A lot harder
than in high school."
"Yeah, I'm finding English to be much more than I expected. I
have to read like forty pages a night for some classes."
"Well, you know, put in the time now, and eventually we can
get a good job."
"What eras of history do you like?"
William droned on lifelessly about the Bloodless Revolution,
but Ashleigh only halfway listened. She kept thinking that this would
likely be her first college boyfriend. True, he wasn't a Christian, but
he did believe in God, so maybe she could do a little prodding. The
way she saw it, all religions had the same basic morality, and
religion, after all, was all about love. He seemed genuinely
interested in her as a person, which few guys had been before.
A few days later, he convinced her into bed. Ashleigh was
reluctant at first but soon became excited after she agreed. She
had still been a virgin but figured that even if she didn't marry
William, a good man wouldn't judge her for having a sexual past.
She had been at his dorm when she agreed, watching tv and
lying in his arms.
"I know you're unsure, but we should have sex sometime. It's
what couples do."
"I don't know."
"You don't have to if you don't want to, but it would make me
happy."
!185

"I just feel like that would be wrong. Do you have to have sex
with me to love me?"
William sighed.
"No, but I think it would bring us closer."
"Well, okay," and then quickly added, "But not today.
Tomorrow. Six o' clock. Here."
"Thanks babe!" He said excitedly like a dog that had just
been petted on the head. Ashleigh wondered if this meant that she
was merely doing him a favor and didn't have to sleep with him, but
she let that thought go. She grew a strange mix of dread and glee.
All the next day, Ashleigh had an exhilarating anticipation. In
some sense, she knew she was about to undergo a major change,
and so to some degree she was terrified. But at the same time, she
thought it would be fun to finally be like a real adult. After all, you
can't really expect someone to abstain by her age. He himself had
only been with one girl before, so it was practically like the first time
for him too. Two virgins in love. She enjoyed just the thought of that
phrase. Tonight they would discover each other's bodies, a deeper
level than either had known before, except for that girlfriend William
had had last year, but that didn't really matter. To her, it felt like
standing in line to purchase a product you've never realized how
much you wanted.
A few months passed. Ashleigh had stopped going to
midweek mass when she didn't have class on Tuesdays, but she
still went on Sundays every few weeks. When Fr. Robby asked
where she had been, she told him that she was very busy with
!186

schoolwork. She knew it was a lie and felt a little bad since she
actually liked the priest. Fr. Robby was elderly and thin but had the
kind of energy that comes from a long, enjoyed life. He had a
natural charisma that had further been slowly cultivated over the
years into something truly regific.
Ashleigh's relationship with William had grown. They spend
most of their time together, or at least she spent as much of her
spare time with him as possible. He introduced her to marijuana,
but she was too nervous to try the hallucinogens and persuaded
him to not take them around her. Of course she did not approve of
his side business in pornography videos, but she knew that it was
difficult to find a college wage job in their town.
Her friends complained that she never hung around
anymore, and in truth, whenever she did spend time with them, she
only did it to appease their whining. The whole time on their coffee
outings, she was thinking about William, her college boyfriend. She
largely withdrew from social media and became slow to answer text
messages. Her friends gradually ceased to message her. And
although this hurt a little to see them leave her, she was enthralled
with the idea of belonging to someone. You never forget your first,
she would tell herself.
One day in April, Ashleigh and William were at her dorm
watching tv. There was nothing in particular on, but she enjoyed just
being there. As much as Ashleigh normally enjoyed lying in
William's arms, she could not get comfortable. She constantly
tossed and turned. Finally she separated and turned the tv off.
!187

"We need to talk about something."

William looked a little annoyed but tried to be patient.
"Okay. What's on your mind."
Ashleigh sighed deeply and hesitated for a few seconds.
She wanted to just tell him nevermind but knew that would only
make it worse.
"I'm pregnant."
He stared in shock and silence.
"I found out two days ago. I want to keep it."
William stood up.
"You can't do that," he said quickly. "You have to get an
abortion."
"No!" said Ashleigh, although she didn't know what to say
after, and she stood without looking at him or speaking. Finally, she
said, "I just need someone to stand with me right now."
"What about adoption? That's what the Catholics say to do,
right?"
"I don't know. I don't know where my baby would go. Couldn't
we just get married?"
William now looked more wide-eyed than ever and was
unable to speak without a stutter.
"I-I d-d-don't know if that's p-possible."
"Why not? You love me, right?"
"Well, yes, of course I do, but that's just not what I want."
Now Ashleigh became angry.

!188

"You're going to be a father! What does it matter what you

want? Think of our baby!"
"Why are you the only one who gets a choice? I'm not going
to be forced into this without any say!"
William left quickly while she continued to shout at him.
When the door closed, Ashleigh sat down and cried, although she
did not completely bawl. After a few minutes she walked to the
kitchen and began to cook dinner with tears still slowly streaming.
Surely he'd be back with flowers and a ring. About an hour later, her
phone beeped with a text message.
"hey we shuld take some time off. sorry"
Oddly this did not feel very impactful. Part of the reason was
because their fight was so unexpected that the message did not
seem new or revelatory at all. But another part of it was that she
was still in shock, almost denying that they had had the fight. They
had disagreements, sometimes even strongly, but it had never been
a major division nor had ever been over anything important.
The next morning she very mechanically drove to the
abortion clinic. Ashleigh put a good effort into not feeling anything,
for she knew that the abortion was necessary and that she could
easily change her mind if she thought about it for too long.
The clinic was completely different than she expected. She
thought it would have that dentist's office drabness like in the movie
Juno, but it was actually painted in bright pastels. The woman at the
counter was obnoxiously friendly.

!189

The whole experience is straight-forward, the woman

explained. Take this clipboard and fill out the forms. We'll call you
when we're ready. My condolences. Et cetera.
It did not take long to finish filling out the forms, and Ashleigh
had neglected to bring a book. She found herself looking at a sign
that said, "If you are not an adult, you MUST have your parents
present with valid ID."
"Ma'am, how long of a wait will it be?"
"I'm not sure, hon."
Of course. Ashleigh sighed and began to think. Or rather,
she tried not to think, but William could not escape her thoughts no
matter how often she changed the subject. After a few minutes, she
finally resigned herself to thinking about him, and she realized that
more than anything, she wished that he would come and stop her.
Sure, the abortion was her choice and hers alone, but that did not
mean she did not want the father of the child to have influence or a
say, and she really wanted that say to be, "I love you, and I love our
child. Let's go home." Ashleigh began to tear up and decided to
think about her schoolwork, yet she could not quit glancing at the
doorway every few seconds.
She did not cry after the abortion, because she had
convinced herself that it was the same thing as removing a tumor.
She knew that she did not really believe that, but she did her best
anyway. She thought about going to a bar to find a new guy to help
her forget, but found herself strangely immobileor perhaps
unvolitionaland decided to go to bed early.
!190

Ashleigh skipped class the next day, feeling much darker.

There was a bitterness, but she wasn't sure to whom to direct it,
whether that whom be William, herself, the fetus, God, or some
undetermined entity. She spent the morning watching talk shows
but turned them off after a few hours. She only seemed angrier, but
what really got to her is that she had not told anyone. Frankly, she
was not sure whom to tell even if she had known how. Ashleigh did
not have any real friends. There were several people she had hung
out with but never anyone she could really talk to. More than ever,
she missed William. Finally she did what had been inevitable for a
long time now and called her priest.
A few hours later, Ashleigh was parked outside St. Matthew's
but did not go in. She sat silently in her car thinking about nothing in
particular. Already it was five minutes past the time of her
confession appointment. She saw the mix cd lying on the
passenger side floor. She tried to not look at it but after a few
seconds turned it over so she wouldn't have to read her name on it.
"'Good Vibrations' is such a stupid, weird song," she thought. After
another half-minute, she unbuckled her seatbelt and exited the car.
Understanding how easy it would be to change her mind, she
walked quickly and tried not to think about what she was going to
do.
Fr. Robby was as overly cheerful as usual in his greeting.
She grunted something back almost inaudible, and they went into
the reconciliation room.
"What's on you heart, dear?" asked Fr. Robby.
!191

"I...I can't do this." She picked up her purse to leave.

"No, no. Stay." Fr. Robby gently took her arm. Ashleigh
sighed and stood still. After a few seconds, she tried again.
"So...I lied to my boss at work so I wouldn't have to come in.
I told him I had an important school assignment due, but really I just
wanted to hang out with some friends."
She stood there in silence.
"Is that all?" asked Fr. Robby. She could tell that he sensed
there was more.
"Yes, that's it," and began to leave.
"I somehow doubt that is all there is. What's really troubling
you?"
Ashleigh took a deep sigh.
"I'm not sure I still can believe in God," she said quickly,
although there was clear hesitancy and reserve in her voice. A few
tears began to come.
"God will always forgive. He's always waiting."
"I don't know if I ever did believe or if I even still want to. I
just...I just don't know anything anymore." Ashleigh quickly left the
room as Fr. Robby called her back.
She did her best to hold in her tears as she entered her car
again. She quickly put the car into drive and left. A block away, she
parked at a grocery store. Ashleigh sat in silence before texting her
old friends, "wats up". Two responded with, "Who is this" and the
others did not respond at all. After the second response, her
constitution only lasted for a few more seconds before she broke
!192

into a full sob, as though a crack in a levee has suddenly crumbled

the whole structure. She hit the steering wheel a few times but quit
when her hands began to hurt. Her makeup began to run, but there
wasn't anyone to notice. She sat in her car alone and wept.

!193

Lyrics I Can't Wait 'Til You Die Alone

You've made your choices.
You've done what you think is good.
And you've had every right
To do what you said you should.
And you can do whatever your want,
To do whatever you condone.
And for my part, just let me say,
I can't wait 'til you die alone.
[Chorus]
I can't wait 'til you die alone.
I can't wait, though I won't be there to hear you moan.
It's the land of the free and the land of the damned,
And you've set our on your own.
And I can't wait 'til you die alone.
I won't try to argue.
I've already done that too much.
And I don't see a reason anymore
To put up a fight and fuss.
You've made up your mind,
And you ain't gonna change.
If that's the way it is,
What can I say?
!194

You've bought into the idealism,

Whatever is popular.
A divorce is in fashion,
And you have a thing for furs.
And don't think another man will love you;
You're much too old for that.
And the kids won't stand by you,
'Cause you're just that bad.
[Bridge]
And I know that you won't apologize
For anything in those nine years.
And I know you think you're a martyr,
'Cause that's what's said by your peers.

!195

Lyrics I Wish You Were Something You're Not

I know what I need,
And I know what I want.
And you don't quite fit the bill.
Damn, I wish you were something you're not.
I know what's best,
And I know what's to be sought.
And you've got some other values.
Damn, I wish you were something you're not.
[Chorus]
I can see the trouble coming.
I know it can only be bad.
I think I'll take my leave.
I think I'll keep free.
You're not quite to be had.
They say love is blind.
That it cannot be bought.
Well, I'm more reasonable than that.
Damn, I wish you were something you're not.
Damn, I wish you were something you're not.

!196

I Want To Be Alone
I want to be alone.
Don't want to hang around.
I want to be alone,
To be some place I can't be found
Everyone says "Hello! How are you?",
And then they walk on by.
I want to be alone,
Away from the sycophantic smiles.

!197

Apathy And Unkindness

You did this to us.
You made us the generation of apathy.
You turned us allmen and women
Into cowards. We smoke because
We lack the fortitude
To commit suicide.
We lack social skills because
You told us to be independent.
Why should we visit you
In the nursing home?
You told us to be our own persons.
Why should I visit you?
You made me this way.
You chose to alienate your children.
You chose to live life by doing
What you wanted. You've cited
Your rights, and now I cite mine.
In your time of need,
I will show you the same
Neglect that you showed me,
And for all your empowerment
And independence and "adult
Prerogative",
You will die alone in poverty.
!198

My generation will be no better.

We fornicate, we deform our bodies,
We follow bad financial fads.
But maybe our children will learn.
Maybe they will see our decadence
And decide to return to
A kinder value system.
We are the children
Of the children
Of the revolution.
We are the dropouts,
And we do not care.
We do not care about history,
And we do not care about philosophy,
Democracy, liberty,
Or living healthy.
We reject your churches.
We reject your schools,
And everything they taught us was true.
We will smoke cigarettes and get tattoos,
Because, being the dropouts of society,
We do not care.
I do not care.

!199

A Poem From Internet Dating

Anna, my dear,
You act very weird.
Whenever I ask you on a date,
You wait
Until it's too late
Before telling me
You can't have a drink
Or a metaphorical beer.
Very queer, I fear.
So here's my proposition
(A strange decision).
Find a good time
For us to dine.
You have an iPhone,
No doubt sewn to your hand.
Your mind is your own,
But it's like wading through sand
To contact you time again
For you to merely lend
A change of precision
Or a strange indecision.

!200

So in clear English,
This is what I wish:
If or when you decide to go out,
Tell me what time about.
And until you decide to be no longer busy,
I assure you, you will not hear from me.
Most sincerely,
Blair from Tennessee

!201

The Gods Have Not Been Pleased

They tried to slow us.
Jealous of our power,
They gave us a safe life,
One that made good sense
From their soft soap
Worldly perspective.
But this is not the God
They promised us.
How could they encourage our faith
With so little themselves?
Oh, but we were right.
Yes, being gods,
We were right.
They agree with everything we say,
But it is not they who are right.
We fornicated with knowledge,
So they rejected us.
And when we grew callous and lonely,
They resented us even more
Because they were jealous and angry
And knew we were right.

!202

They threw us off

Of our Olympus,
Shaking their heads
When we grew a limp
That would never heal.
The protestant popes
Sit in their cathedrals,
Pagans with weak seminary degrees
That taught little a cleric ought to know,
Courses in charisma and counseling.
How I long for the days
When I had no limp,
When God was still good
And brought life to
Those who love him!
But we're all pissing away
Our lives, becoming as them,
And so the cycle turns;
We will be them,
And the gods will become
Mere men of the
City of the world
And we will all govern
Like fallen angels.

!203

Were Your Thirty Pieces

Were your thirty pieces
Of silver enough
To buy your way
Out of your clerical vows?
They say that I'm brilliant.
It's true that I feel like Erasmus,
Bastard of a Baptist worship pastor.
You, pater, made me
The bitter reformist I am.
My mother was your inconsistency,
Whom you abandoned as she lay,
Groaning on the table,
To tend to your clerical duties.
I came out a nova creatura,
Born again, my old mind passed
And the scales fallen from my eyes.
So I am a son of a bitch
And the bastard of a priest,
And I can't forget
My base origin.

!204

Lyrics I've Broke My Own Heart

I have a few words
You wish I wouldn't say.
But they need to be said,
So I'll say them anyway.
If we had never met,
You'd still be in the sun,
But I ruined everything
When I jumped the gun.
[Chorus]
I've broken my own heart
From the way I've hurt you,
And the words, "I forgive"
Just won't due.
I'd spare you the fear
So I'd have no regrets
If I could take it all back
So we'd never met.

!205

Sin and misery

Is all I cause,
But more to me;
You've had little loss.
Your life'll go on,
But I'm stuck in this pit.
I could only have peace
If I could forget.
I wish I could stop
Or at least start again,
But I treated you as a joke,
Breaking from one too much bend.
I've broken my own heart by you.
I've broken my own heart by you.

!206

Lyrics Integrity
Well, I still have my integrity,
Though you tried to take it from me.
And when you said good-bye, I could see it in your eyes.
The beloved you once held, you now despise.
Well, it's not my fault the shepherd fell asleep,
And then away wandered all of his sheep.
Please don't send me a reply to this song.
You've made your point for far too long.
Well, I can't say I didn't try.
It's more than you ever gave to me.
And every sin has its price,
But that's something you just won't see.
Maybe your thirty pieces of silver
Can buy you a clean heart.
But you'll probably waste it on new pride
And invest in another trump card.
Remember that time you cried with joy
When I was there for you like an obedient boy?
And I didn't expect anything in return.
Still it would've been nice to be spared the burn.
They say a man is measured by those in his authority.
How'd that work for you? Because you lost me.
!207

A coy schemer: that's all you ever were.

That'll only last so long before you learn
That all things are fragile and soon will end.
Everything is broken that tries to bend.
And to this day I still defend you.
But you'll never know how much I've come through
And protected you from further loss.
But even so one day you'll pay that heavy cost.

!208

Lyrics You Invited Me

You invited me into your family
And made me feel like a son,
Then you told me your secrets
While we were out having fun. You were my best friend,
But then you brought it all to hell.
And while the dam was burning.
You blamed everything on myself.
You say that I've lost
But I didn't start this war.
You push everyone away and say,
"What are we fighting for?"
And then you blame it all onus
Just because you say you opened a few doors
But nobody is fooled
Anymore.
Well, the pressure builds
And the pressure builds,
So why are you surprised
When the levee yields?
The pressure builds
And the pressure builds,
Until we're all left dead on your killing field.
!209

The Physics Of Relationships or Chemistry Is Not A Science

To every sin there is
An equal and opposite reaction,
So was mine the one you expected?
Were you expecting smiles and puppies
In exchange for deceit?
It'd be nice to say that
I'm glad your friends approve of you,
But the reality is that
You've turned them all into enemies.

!210

You're Not The First Friend

You're not the first friend
I've sold away. And like Judas,
I didn't get to keep my silver, either.
All my friends are on crosses,
Lining the road to Gomorrah.
Maybe when you get back,
You can wash the blood off my hands.
My piggy bank is empty.
I should have loaned you
Emotional ones, but you
Demanded tens and twenties,
And the more I gave, the more
I hoped you'd pay back,
And finally I had to declare
Bankruptcy and go home
Like Peter to his fishing nets
After they killed Jesus.

!211

Daddy's Little Girl

Daddy's little girl is gonna be a slut tonight.
She'll put on the drag for the big game.
There'll be a dance afterward,
And then she and Hot Johnny Rocket will run.
Here is the park where she used to play
As the sweetest little girl in the first grade.
There is the Baptist church where Mama
Played the pipes and daddy smelled
Like mint and oak. She'd be dressed
Up in bows and beauty like a Southern queen.
Hot Rocket's burning, and he lays her down
On the picnic table at the park.
Across the street, the church looks dead.
Groaning, the wood is uncomfortable.
She can't stretch her back right,
But Johnny has to have his prom.
Mama gave it to Rick before she married Craig.
Daddy took it from Sarah in a tent,
Like the cherry on the top of a perfect rush.
Burning faster, Hot Rocket finishes and laughs
With atint of embarrassment.
"Wasn't that fun?" he pretends. And it was.
The Sunday School flower girl fell in love tonight.
Hot Rocket knows how to spread his fire.
!212

She'll graduate and marry Bill,

Then shit out three kids and be the greatest
Youth football mom ever. Her sons
Will grow up to rape cheerleaders
And her daughters will let themselves be raped.
The Baptist church won't even notice.

!213

We're Dying
We're Dying.
Can you feel the shit rising
Around your ankles
Slowly but surely?
Our parents were liberals and fornicators
Who taught us the sins of equality.
And so we became sodomites and whores
Medicating with cigarettes and profanity.
This is the generation
That invented cutting.
We are the dropouts
Of the revolution.
We have rejected
The false wisdom of the old.
But they don't understand that
We hate them
Because they first
Hated us.
We wanted fathers and mentors,
But we are all bastards.

!214

Postmodernism has lain on the table.

She has born a new ideology,
One she didn't anticipate.
We are the Nihilists,
The Nesciists, and the Apathists,
Medicating with booze,
Profanity, and cigarettes.
There are some things we cannot know.
Nescio, nescio, fuck your convictions.
I don't know if Calvinism's true
Or whether soul sleep is off.
Did you miss the point of life?
Did you sell your Jesus
To bat for the winning team?
You can keep your pastors,
And I'll take my professors.
I hope you can see it.
I hope you can see that I'm dying.
We weren't made to experience
This kind of pain.
So have some sympathy
For the Devil.

!215

Twenty years old and

A lifetime full of regrets
And apathetic finances.
Hopped up on self-esteem,
The kind that turns into self-loathing.
We're too young to buy beer,
But art is all the same.
We can escape and
Carve out something new.
The real world will fade
As we drown out our worries
In literature and sex.
Ego sum rex mundi,
Et e'possum quamrem.

!216

Letter To Fr Alexios
Note: There is nothing I enjoy so much as writing long emails. On
rare occasions, I am so satisfied with one that I decide to keep it. All
names and places have been changed.
Here's the short of it. I was originally typing out something
much longer and much more moving, like a college creative nonfiction piece. I thought to send it to a variety of people as a pdf with
the tacit hope that it would become viral and throw the monastery
into disrepute. But after a few pages of exposition, having only
arrived at the first Wednesday, I decided to delete everything and
just write the bones. Yes, I know it's still long, and yes, I know you'll
still probably side with them. And no, I'm not going to start using
you as my new Fr Nicholas, i.e., my human diary. Still, waiting until
you leave has forced me to spend several days writing it, a luxury I
rarely enjoy. Normally I just write you a goofy email, bcc it to a
friend, and then click send, all within a couple hours, but this time
you get the full Blair treatment. Feel honored.
. One day, they will know
me as Argyrokheiros, and when I die young in a fiery car crash, you
can publish these in an anthology volume and make a lot of money.
Please read all 4,610 words carefully as they are all chosen
not only to give a precise communication but also to create an
aesthetically pleasing experience. I've engineered this down to the

!217

verb tenses and signifiers of indirect statements, all for your reading
pleasure.
I was actually at St. Basil's Monastery a week earlier than
planned, arriving on the last Saturday of June. I came early
because living with Fr Justin was taking a great toll on my mental
health, and Fr Nicholas knew this. In fact, he was always opposed
to me living with Fr Justin. Originally, I was only going to spend five
week so that I could work out a two-weeks notice, but Fr Justin
asked me to leave a week early on a day's notice. In fairness,
though, he gave me a generous severance package, so I can't
criticize too harshly.
As you know, Fr Nicholas has been my spiritual father for a
year and a half. Most of this was through email, which is generally
discouraged, but I write well, and the relationship was a natural
development. My catechizing priest was encouraging the
relationship, and Fr Stephanos is very orthodox, so I figured this
was safe. And truly, for a year and a half Fr Nicholas and his
monastery felt so safe. Rigid but safe. He knows me more in and
out than any other person, and in the last few months, I began
writing to him even more as a way to vent my frustrations with Fr
Justin. He very much did understand, or at least had the
opportunity to understand, the mental and emotional state I was in
at the time I left Fr Justin's house.
At the monastery, they gave me most of Saturday off and all
of Sunday, but Monday they began working me far past exhaustion,
and I couldn't get much sleep at night because of the early bed
!218

time, which made the work even more difficult. It was all outside in
long sleeves and long pants. Few can work six and a half hours in
the hot sun six days a week, much less dressed like that. I asked if
I could clean toilets or scrub floors or something, but they held to
their sense of authority and made me be outside. Neither would
they let me leave work early. The first Wednesday morning, I broke
down crying hard in the fields, something I almost never do.
I also began to realize what bad social skills Fr Nicholas has.
Not just this time, but in general. He walks up to start a
conversation and then walks away while I'm talking. He silences me
if I say something too negative or too opinionated about anything.
He negates most everything I say or do, and he constantly tells me
that my thoughts on things aren't valid because I'm a new convert,
even if I quote the Bible or reference Church history. He has almost
never said anything kind or affirming beyond that I'm "good
material", which is basically saying that right now I'm worthless but
maybe one day I'll be good for something. He's never said that I'm
a good writer, that I'm insightful, that I'm intelligent, that I'm selfreflective, that he enjoys knowing me, or anything beyond how
good of a job I did weeding the bushes.
This came up in confession. I was going to tell him at a
different time since you don't talk about others during confession,
but he asked me to express it anyway. Then he asked why I
tolerate him. I said that I had already realized I don't know why,
since I wouldn't tolerate that from other people. He also made me
confess to things I didn't do wrong, which was a major fear of mine
!219

when converting. He claimed that I was giving Fr John a hard time

during work when really I was trying to protect my sanity by
pleading for laxity. The reality is that I worked my ass off in those
fields, and it would have cost him at least $50 a day for the labor I
did. He said that I left the monastery Friday night without a
blessing, when he had never told me that rule, and in fact, I had
done that at another monastery, and nobody said anything to me
even after I left a meat pizza in their fridge. Over the time I've
known him, he's often enforced rules without telling me first. Finally,
he said that I had eaten meat on Friday when I left, yet I had always
been taught that this was not a moral rule. In fact, he had told me
months earlier that I shouldn't fast at that time! Then he fulfilled the
great fear I have every time I go to confession: the bullshit, spiteful
penance. He said that the apostolic canons say that if one does not
hold the fast, he must be excommunicated, and therefore I couldn't
receive communion for a week.
What the fuck?! This goes against everything I've ever been
taught about fasting. Is there a sign in the monastery church that
says, "You must have fasted before going to communion"? Did
Kallistos Ware say this in the appendix of his book, or should I have
read the Hopko series instead? Perhaps parishes just have too
much oikonomia. I haven't listened to many of the catechetical
shows on AFR, so I must have missed this rule sometime in the last
three years. If we're going to enforce every canon of the Church,
then almost every clergyman in the world should be defrocked
since one isn't supposed to be ordained to the deaconate if he
!220

doesn't have all the Psalms memorized. And what about the canon
punishing women for having a miscarriage, or the one stating that
you shouldn't go to a Jewish physician, or the one forbidding a man
to be ordained if his wife is an actress? Seriously, probably my only
real fear in converting was that a priest would use his personal
hurts or moral opinions to force you to confess to things you don't
believe you've done wrong. And every time I've ever gone to
confession, I've always been afraid the priest will give me a
penance (which is a kind of PTSD that dates back to conflict I had
with protestant pastors).
Towards the end of the first week, I had found myself often
leaving compline to sit in the bathroom across from the sitting room.
I could still hear everything, but I was so tired of standing. More
than anything, though, I just wanted to be alone, and I began sitting
in this room often even outside of compline. Throughout my time
there, they would come up to me to talk, yet I just wanted to read
my book and have things quiet. They wouldn't even say anything
important but rather mundane things. I found comfort in singing to
myself while working, some sacred songs, and some secular,
especially "Sloop John B" and "Good Vibrations". First I started
singing as a joke, particularly since "Sloop John B" really fit how I
felt, but it soon became a way for me to hold onto myself. I
remember on my last day there sitting in the bathroom before
dinner singing quietly while holding my knees. I had asked Fr
Nicholas when I arrived if I could sing in church, and he said I
could, but he never let me. After a week, I asked why not, and he
!221

said he wanted me to detox for a week, which seems like a really

contrived excuse. I don't know his excuse for the second week,
perhaps that I was excommunicated, but really, I think it has to do
with prayer reflecting your inner attitude or something stupid. At any
rate, singing is supposedly a real mental health treatment, and I
can't go very long without some kind of musical involvement in
general.
The second week it rained a lot. After lunch on Tuesday, I
was very tired (as I always was after lunch). I begged them not to
send me outside and that I'd rather be homeless than catch
pneumonia. He got angry at that comment. I pleaded a bit more,
and he said, "Go to your room," very dismissively. That was painful,
the way he said it.
I took a nap and woke up around four. I began crying even
harder at how soon the relationship between me and Fr Nicholas
had fallen apart. It was clearly dead whereas two weeks ago it was
so strong. For a year and a half, he had been a lighthouse in the
darkest storms, and now it was over so quickly, and he didn't even
seem to care. Few people have ever known me so in and out. It
was such an honest and transparent relationship, intimate even,
and he let it crumble so easily. Yet looking back, I could see that it
had been doomed to fall apart from the very beginning. Perhaps it
was good that it was happening now and not later. Nevertheless, I
was sure he'd ask me to leave, but I couldn't go back to Fr Justin.
His condo is just too toxic of an environment. I thought about asking

!222

if I could stay with you, but I'm not sure whether my car could make
it over the mountains and back, and finances are really tight.
I went to church, and afterward while walking up the hill, Fr
John began saying something about Fr Nicholas being upset. I
turned around, got in his face, and asked him to flesh out what he
was saying. He kind of laughed as he spoke to make it seem less
serious. Yes, he was laughing about how my life was falling apart,
and I had a growing fear that I would finally have a mental fracture,
something which never happened before. I said, "How about you
just give me work, and beyond that, we don't communicate much at
all?" And then I turned around and continued walking. I was quite
satisfied. For one thing, I had told him off without profanity or
insults, which is a real accomplishment for me. But also, he
normally gets onto me for talking too much, and now I've shown
him to be a hypocrite.
During Compline, I could feel myself breaking down again,
so I went to the bathroom in the hall. Immediately a paranoid
episode came upon me, and I began crying and screaming for at
least ten minutes if not more. I was afraid I would have a complete
fracture and be unable to go to law school. I had come so far and
accomplished so much, doing the right thing, and for what? It was
all in vain. Should I fracture, I would be sent to a hospital, probably
an abusive one like in my hometown, and if I couldn't go to law
school, I'd have nowhere to live and would never have a decent job.
I'd likely be homeless, for I have basically no relationship with my
family. Furthermore, I realized I was having a paranoid episode,
!223

but, as you may know, once these come upon you there is little you
can do to resist it. No, the realization of the paranoia was a new
fear in itself. These episodes were something that had happened a
lot in the year before I became Orthodox because of a falling out I
had had with some pastors at a church, but it went away when I
became a catechumen. Yes, Fr Nicholas is such an awful person
that in a week and a half, he undid three years of Orthodoxy and
brought me back to the state of mental health I was in as a
protestant. This was the closest I had ever come to a mental
fracture, and that includes the suicide attempt last year and all the
ideations during my adult life. It was also closer than the time I
literally almost drank myself to death. It's worth mentioning that this
was the only time on this monastery trip that I had been disruptive.
The next day Fr Nicholas left during Orthros and was gone
until just as compline was beginning. I cried a little in the morning.
Fr John continued to give me unsolicited spiritual advice and
blamed me for all the problems. I told them that I'd rather not work
that day since I thought Fr Nicholas was going to ask me to leave.
They left me alone. After dinner, I asked Fr Nicholas if he was going
to ask me to leave the next day. He said, "Probably." I told him that I
wasn't going to argue with him since "it's dead", meaning the
relationship. He nodded in agreement.
I went to my room and decided to return to Fr Justin,
something I swore not to do. However, I realized what this meant: I
was going back to where I had come from, but now I was in a
worse mental state and did not have a job. This thought of having
!224

given up my job incensed me, and I lost my stoicism. In anger, I

overturned a lamp. I ran to the trapeza and asked, "Where is he?"
"In with Fr Peter." "I'll wait." All or most of the residents were there.
As soon as Fr Nicholas came out, I stood up and yelled as loud as I
could.
"I gave up my job to come here because I thought this was a safe
place. You didn't even try to keep it together. I'm leaving tonight.
You act like I was your goddamn lackey. I hate you, and I hate this
place. Fuck you. Go to hell."
He remained emotionless, and I left slamming the doors. It's
like all the brotherhood there is completely emotionless except for
the occasional indignation, and even then that's like squeezing
blood from a stone. Maybe fleeting laughter once in a while. Is that
a Christian virtue? They seem generally anti-logic, so what else is
there besides emotions and reasoning? And can one have prayer
without both of those? Anyway, when I got to the guest house, I
threw a mug and a glass of water against the wall to give them a
mess to clean up, but I didn't cause so much damage as to
inconvenience future guests.
Somehow I managed not to cry either then or on the way
home. I listened to Let It Bleed several times, which I found very
cathartic. It's the Rolling Stones December 1969 album reflecting
on the failures of of the idealism of the last decade, something I
could relate to at this time. The album really marks the beginning of
the 1970s and the societal and philosophical collapse we live in to
!225

this day. Especially prophetic is the lyrics "coke and sympathy",

since drugs became more about leisure and less about selfdiscovery. It's interesting how people think of the Beatles as being
socially relevant, but all that was just John Lennon bitching about
war. He never defined his times like other bands. Anything he did
vaguely commenting on society could have been written in any
century. In the last several weeks, I've come to realize how
unimpressive in general the Beatles are, which has been pretty
mind-blowing since I used to love them so much. And to think I had
finally bought their final studio album! Anyway, moving on...
The worst part of it all is that throughout my time there, Fr
Nicholas didn't seem concerned about our falling out. He was a little
irritated about the disturbance, and indignant at my supposed
disobedience, but he didn't seem to be bothered about the ending
of the relationship. It's like I'm just another client, and some are
happy and some aren't. He blamed it all on me, but what changed?
He hasn't changed, and I haven't changed. I've been confessing my
thoughts to him through email, sometime daily, since that was the
only way to stay sane living with Fr Justin, and so he knew the
mental state I was in. That was what changed: I was in a greater
state of need, and he was unwilling to help me. Sometimes when
the child misbehaves, it is the teacher who should be whipped.
So in short, Fr Nicholas pulled me out of a toxic mental
health situation, made it worse, blamed me for my mental health
issues, and sent me back into that same situation even more
damaged than before. I could go back to the country club to ask for
!226

my job back, but I'm afraid my mental and emotional state is too
fragile right now to handle a work environment. Fr Justin has been
generous with money, and I should have enough to make it through
until my excess loan money comes through. I won't get that check
until September, but I actually have more money in my bank
account than I thought.
I hate Fr Nicholas, I hate monasteries, and I hate monks. I
might even hate Jesus. I hate the church fathers since they were
mostly monastic, and I hate my patron saint since he had the oversimplified morality of Eastern monasticism. I don't know if I can
trust the Bible either, because St Paul says to learn from the elders,
yet when I've tried that over the last several years, it has usually
only left me hurt. I understand now why bishops oppress
monasteries. Misguided love always becomes toxic love, and
monastics know no outlet for their love except by the same channel
they learned it. Yet the laity do not need a more lax spirituality but
rather a different one altogether, one that the monastic cannot offer.
Part of this difference is because ceaseless prayer is not something
you casually decide to do. But there is a deeper issue. It appears
that the monastic finds any question against his judgment to be
offensive because he sees it as a deviation from obedience, and
since obedience is the centerpiece of monasticism, then any
question against the monastic's judgment is a threat to his identity,
an implied statement that the monastic has wasted his life. Who
couldn't be offended at that? To tell the monastic that you'd like to
quit work an hour early would be like telling you, Fr Alexios, that
!227

Anthropology is all good guesses and the priesthood is superfluous

to the laity's spiritual growth (neither which I believe, for the record).
To assume that the monastic's investment in the laity is love,
that is very generous of me. I do not know Fr Nicholas's heart, but it
seems what he is really concerned about is his sense of authority
and order. He didn't express any kind of disappointment at the
failure of the relationship. What father does that to his children?
What father stands in silence as his child self-destructs? Perhaps
he is thinking that God never apologizes for things and allows his
children to leave, yet I don't need a model for God but rather a
model for godly living. Where is the model for repentance? If
godliness means treating people like Fr Nicholas does, then I'd like
to go to Hell. I know it's cliche to make this simile, but like the
Pharisees, the monastic is so concerned about his rules and
standards that he forgets compassion for the suffering. The great
irony is the monasticism is supposed to be about cutting off volition,
yet Fr Nicholas refuses to ever not have his way. Perhaps he is
thinking that he isn't leaving me out on the tiles because I can go
back to Fr Justin, yet he knows as well as I do what a bad
environment that is. Three times prior he asked me to move to
Ohio, even demanding it. What father is satisfied with his child
living in any kind of environment, is satisfied with the bare minimum
definition of shelter? Monasticism is supposed to be about
obedience to the abbot, but who watches the watchman? Who will
guard the guardian himself? Quis custodes ipsos custodiet? Nemo,

!228

ipse est quis. Est non jus nec lex in coenobio. And this is why many
monasteries in the old country have an oligarchic council of elders.
I see this in his monks, too. Fr John never apologized for
upsetting me Tuesday, nor did he ask if things were okay for us. He
didn't even give a "Forgive me", the monastic half-ass apology
(even Fr Nicholas has done that in the past). Yet the next day he
ignores my wish to be alone and gives me advice about inner
peace, prayer, and good suffering. Who does he think he is? He's
not even a priest. He's just some fuckhead with a funny hat. They
give those things out like candy. There is literally nothing you have
to do to merit it except show up. On one day, Fr Nicholas had said
that I could sleep in a little, yet Fr John woke me up anyway. He
never apologized or asked if I had fallen back asleep. But St
Dorotheos of Gaza says to apologize no matter what, even if you
weren't wrong (again, over-simplified morality). Even the monastic
ignores the fathers for the sake of his own sense of order.
I don't know what to believe anymore. I don't know what's
True, what's American Orthodox group-think, and what's monastic
over-zealousness. Even the fathers, being monastic, said a lot of
stupid things (see St Dorotheos above). Some even say that anger
is always a sin no matter what, as though you can control such
emotions. Such a protestant notion! Others (Augustine of Hippo)
claim that any secular enjoyment such as the Aeneid is idolatry.
One saint writes that when urinating, you should not hold your
penis lest you be tempted to masturbate. Elder Thaddeus of
Vitovnica says to think highly of your parents and teachers no
!229

matter what how abusive they are. Some say that to daydream is
always a sin and that instead one should replace his thoughts with
the Jesus Prayer. However, everyone I've ever met who has heavily
practiced the Jesus Prayer has a false sense of humility, or in the
least, just acts like an asshole toward people.
The best thing to do with a monastic is to make him bishop.
That way he can have an impotent administrative job and won't fuck
with the laity. Although, really, I like the Anglican idea of abolishing
monasteries and having all clergy married.
People criticize Fr Ephraim and his monasteries, but look at
the source! He is merely a product of a system, a copy of an
existing model. People are quick to criticize the Ephraimites, but
nobody dares to speak an ill-word about Athos. Some say that Fr
Ephraim was wrong because Athos is too foreign a piety, but
Orthodoxy as a whole is foreign, and Athos is very cosmopolitan. Fr
Justin told me some stories, and although he didn't use the words
"cult" or "abuse", and he didn't say how widespread these things
were, it's clear that there are some cult-like practices on Athos, and
certainly some Catholic influence. He told me that at times there
would be several liturgies at the same time in one monastery, as
there would be small chapels where one could hold a private liturgy
to pray for a specific need. Pax deorum. Of course Fr Ephraim
would think that his monasteries are superior to the parishes, for
that is the Athonite dogma. And expecting everyone to learn Greek,
well, again we have the over-expectations and the absolute volition
of the monastic, foolishly humble in thinking everyone can reach his
!230

state and prideful in thinking that he has the wisdom to mandate

others' lives. Do not criticize the fruit if the tree is rotten. I think
Jesus said something like that.
I hate monasteries, and I hate monasticism. What good does
it do? It disappoints the laity and makes them hate Christianity.
They say that the monastery is the spiritual epicenter of the Church,
yet I do not believe that joyful suffering and lack of volition should
be the center of the average man's life. They say it is important to
have a spiritual father, yet I do not want one. I will confess to a
priest, but I will not confide in him, because you can never know the
heart of a man. They say that a priest is to be trusted, yet many are
haphazardly educated, and even more grow puffed up with their
sense of identity, confident that all of their gray-area opinions are
absolute Holy Tradition. They say that religion is sinful because
people are sinful, but I do not think that is an acceptable excuse.
Right and wrong do exist, and despite what you were taught in
school, wrong is always wrong whatever the reason, and it always
matters which you choose.
To quote the great western philosopher Jagger, "You can't
always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you get what
you need." And from the same collection of teachings, "We all need
someone to bleed on, and if you want it, you can bleed on me." So I
really really don't want to be with Fr Justin, but I think I can last a
month. Law school will be good because it will give me an outlet for
my energy and I will have a fluid schedule. Accomplishing your
dreams is a fairy tale they told you in second grade. I no longer
!231

want to be an astronaut; instead, I just want an uneventful life with

little stress or trauma. Eat, breed, and die. I think law school will
make that fairly easy. Money can't buy happiness, but it can buy a
good night's sleep through an expensive mattress. And really, if
you've had a broad exposure to American Orthodoxy, you aren't a
complete sheep, and you have been Orthodox for a little while, then
it usually doesn't matter what quality priest you have (of course, the
first two of those are rarely true). Waylon Jennings once said, "The
only two things in this life that make it worth living are guitars that
tune good and firm-feeling women." Very Aristotelian if you ask me.

!232

A Second Round On
The House
Another Collection of Poetry
From Blair Naso

!233

Copyright 2015. All Rights Reserved

This publication may be reproduced, distributed, and reprinted royalty-free
so long as no essential change is made to the authors intention.
Christmas

Johnny got a picture book;

Joey got a sled.
I got a book of poems
I've already read.
Billy got a guitar;
Suzie got shit.
I got a sweater
That almost fit.
Everybody but me
Got what they asked for
All I want is your back
And nothing more.

*****

A Second Round On The House

!234

A second round on the house!

Whatever you'd like to drink!
Whiskey, stout, or chardonnay,
And we'll let our glasses clink!

The fire is roaring

With a stew on the boil.
We'll ignore the rain outside
And open a keg of ale.

The concertina is singing,

And the women are ready to dance.
You see that girl looking at you;
Are you ready to take a chance?

And the husbands have their corner.

They talk of politics and drudge.
But they laugh with such grim topics,
Because they are in a place without grudge.

And the wives gossip among themselves,

Having just as much delight.
They point out prospects to their single friends
So they too can be warm tonight.

!235

A little boy is by the wall

Building a tower with blocks.
A girl is crushing on him,
So the castle gets a knock.

Tonight's a night of community.

Everyone feels right at home.
A third round on the house!
Because even the drunks don't feel alone.

*****

I'm Going To Pretend That You Didn't Leave Me Hurt

It's been a good long while,

Maybe four months or five.
I tell myself you were a convenient,
Accessible space while I bide.
But we drove that car several miles,
Far farther than we meant.
And even though you made me fell alive,
I'm going to pretend
That you didn't leave me hurt.

!236

I've spent all this time

Searching for a new Kate.
I won't admit it to myself,
But it's our time I want to fake.
Find me a replacement find
For whom I can melt.
And all the while I will say
I'm going to pretend
That you didn't leave me hurt.

Out of all the girls I've loved,

You were the one I loved the most.
But I'm convinced it was meaningless;
Your first is merely a boast.
Yet if I'm honest and insane,
Even though you weren't the best,
I can never escape your ghost.
And I'm going to pretend
That you didn't leave me hurt.

*****

Bourbon Blues [Lyrics]

!237

Bourbon, sweet bourbon,

Your my enemy.
I've followed you all my life,
And what've you given to me?
I get up in the morning
Round about noon
And pour me a glass of bourbon
To medicate my wounds.

It's bourbon when you're sick,

Bourbon when you're well.
No matter what afflicts you,
Bourbon'll cure your ills.
Don't be shy or temperate,
Go buy a bottle now.
Once I was lost,
But cause of bourbon I'm found.

Some find love in Jesus.

Others search in poon.
Myself, I know what I like,
Regardless of who's in the room.
I love Old Crow like my mother;

!238

The doctor's been good to me.

But you can keep that Canadian stuff,
Cause it'll turn me green.

I hate you, old bourbon.

I hate you like my mum.
Let me grow up now.
You won't let me have no fun.
You keep me too close, mum,
Treat me like a slave.
When I meet your wrath mum,
I feel a deep fraid.

*****

Daddy Spends All Night Trying to Light His Pipe

Daddy spends all night trying to light his pipe

So that he can enjoy his drink alone.
He circles it around and dips it in,
But the damned thing just won't hit.
It'll spark for a second,
But then it goes out again.
John walks into his office.

!239

"John, what are you doing up?"

"I couldn't sleep, Papa."
"Hmm. Well, don't tell your mother about this. Sit down."
John's never seen him smoke before,
Much less drink gin.
"That's a funny water bottle, papa."
"Yes, well, don't tell your mother about it.
She doesn't like that I imbibe,
But the lady tolerates it this late
After ev'ryone's gone to bed."
"What's 'imbibe' mean?"
"It means to drink alcohol, son."
"I thought you just had wine on special occasions."
"No, I used to drink a lot, but I promised your mother I'd
Cut back when we were talking about marriage."
"Are you drunk?"
"A good bit, yes."
"Why? Why would you want
To do that to your mind?"
Daddy take a metal poker
And swims it through his pipe,
Trying to get the right density in.
"It can't be explained to a kid.
That's why Momma doesn't like me

!240

Drinking in front of you."

"So is this our little secret?"
Says the boy with a grin.
"Yes, it will be."
"So do I need to go back to bed?"
"No, stay a while.
Keep an old man company."
Daddy pours himself another
Glass of gin without mix.
He cleans out the pipe and
Gets it rolling.
The boy gives a little cough but
Can't seem to care.

*****

Twelve Year Old Self

If I were to meet my twelve year old self,

I'm not sure how he'd react to see me now.
Would he laugh, shake his head, turn red,
Anger and shame fuming out of his ears
At seeing what he never thought he would
In a million years?

!241

Did you think you'd work with your hands?

Be the envy of every man
But have women still give the cold stand?
Drink all through the night
And smoke to end your life?
Rack up debt on credit cards?
Fight with might to hold on hard?
Move across the country
To have a place to sleep?
Live off friends,
Go to bed in a Jeep?
Be a narcissist in dirty laundry?

*****

Guess I'm Dumb

Guess I'm dumb,

So it seems.
Had the ace in my hand,
But I played the queen.
Could have gone all in
And taken everything,

!242

But I took a loss

When I played too carefully.

If I never told you, sun setting fast,

That you were the very best I have had,
Could you call me had?
Setting too far past for a drastic gas -Good times, celebrating the joys of life
In a day of night.
I had the liberty to become dumb.
And why not relax sunnily a while
On count of your guile.
Well, then take it easy and afford some
Stupidity. The top men earn their time
With a glass of lime.

Guess I'm dumb,

Rolled the dice too soon.
Come and passed.
Snake eyes on a fool.
Had I waited
And earned my stupidity,
I'd be relaxing now
With you here with me.

!243

*****

Children's Light Verse [In The Style Of A.A. Milne]

Little Jimmy's an Episcopalian.

He was confirmed yesterday.
Now he's got two fairy godmothers
Who always let him have his way.
One is Anglo-Catholic;
The other holds to the thirty-nine.
What will Jimmy believe in
When he's old enough to make his mind?
Jimmy hates going to eucharist;
It's too dull for a boy that old.
The protestants are more interesting
Because they play rock-n-roll.
The rector is an old woman
Too ugly for a good look.
Jimmy doesn't like the lady's warts,
So he pretends to read a book.
Little Jimmy's an Episcopalian,

!244

Dressed in an itchy suit.

Mummy and Daddy don't seem to care,
Because the choir men think he's so cute.
Mary, pray for Little Jimmy.
He could use St. Joseph's prayers too.
He has a little icon of them both
In a modern style through and through.

II

Today is Daddy's day off from work,

So he takes Jimmy to the zoo.
Jimmy can't wait to see the lion
With his mane so full and loose.
Daddy takes Jimmy's hand
And leads him to the pen.
"Daddy," asks the little boy,
"Why are there so many females with him?"
Then they whisk right off away
To the lizard hall indoors.
Daddy loves the cool air,
Although Jimmy thinks the room's a bore.
Then little Jimmy -- to his delight -Sees a monkey proud and true.

!245

But the boy gives a little laugh

When he sees the brute's butt is blue.
Nearby is an ice cream vendor
Peddling his wares to the passing guests.
Daddy thinks it's too expensive,
But he gives in when Jimmy has a fit.
Now they are driving homeward
Down the fast-passing interstate.
Little Jimmy is fast asleep
Resting his head on a stuffed snake.

III

Mummy takes little Jimmy to school

After she's had her morning pills.
The school is red-brick and cheerful
With a stout education in its build.
Tucked away near the city center,
Jimmy may not get to go next year.
Daddy keeps complaining about tooishon
And the urban environment he fears.
Today they are studying planets -Jimmy knows all eight.
He likes math and spelling,

!246

But art and history he hates.

At recess he plays by himself,
Since he doesn't like his friends.
Still, he always dreads the hell
When outside time comes to an end.
After lunch is reading class
Where they learn about acid rain.
Jimmy keeps a different book in his lap
About Hector running in vain.
Finally school is let out,
And the kids march to the pick-up line.
Daddy comes to pick Jimmy up
After an hour waiting outside.

IV

Daddy and Mummy both work tonight,

So the neighbor girl is watching him.
Little Jimmy doesn't like how sweet she is -She overflows with love past the brim.
Little Jimmy watches TV
While Brooklyn plays sudoku.
He likes the colors and shrill sounds,
But some characters speak low, too.

!247

Later Brooklyn cooks him pizza rolls -His favorite flavor is four cheese -But Brooklyn won't give him any
Until he says "thank you" and "please".
When they both have finished eating,
She agrees to read him a book.
Little Jimmy rests in her arms
And gives the pictures a good look.
Then Brooklyn sings him a little song,
But he immediately squirms.
So she releases him to watch TV.
Boy! Look at how fast he can run!
Finally the little boy grows drowsy.
He can hardly keep his eyes open.
Jimmy falls fast asleep in his chair
Tightly clutching his stuffed dragon.

Today Jimmy is going to the dentist

To get his braces realigned again.
Daddy couldn't get out of his shift,
So Mummy had to cancel her clients.
Little Jimmy feels a certain dread;

!248

He always squirms uncomfortably.

But he knows that when it's over,
He'll get a tattoo that stays for a week.
The dentist's office has lots of posters
With his favorite cartoons smiling.
Jimmy ignores all the various books
So he can crane his neck to the TV.
At last they call him to the back room,
Which also has the children's shows he loves.
The dental assistant is a country girl
With cartoon cats all over her scrubs.
After they are finished with the place,
Mummy takes Jimmy out for lunch.
He's unimpressed with the meal's toy,
But the playground is always fun.
Mummy gets a cappuccino
And plays on her brand new tablet.
Jimmy makes a new friend in the slide,
Like the sibling he may someday get.

*****

All Empires Fall

!249

I feel nothing.
Too depressed to drink.
Smoke a cigarette,
And think what I've got to think.
But there's one thing that gives me comfort.
One piece of wisdom I hold
That I'd like to impart.

All empires fall, and one day

You're not gonna be able
To break any more hearts.

*****

Dina, If You Ever Read This

Aren't you sad?

Aren't you sad that we gave it all we had,
And that what we had wasn't enough,
That myself at my most honest wasn't enough
To keep the relationship sustained when it got tough?
That you bailed when it first hit a bump,
And that you spend your days wishing you'd had better luck?
That you couldn't be there for me

!250

When I needed you the most?

That in the darkest times,
When you would have loved me the strongest,
I found myself alone?
That instead it's to bourbon which I'm thrown?
Warts and all,
You could have been my wailing wall
Had we not had such a sudden fall.

Doesn't that make you sad?

That you might be the best friend I ever had?
That you could have been there through the years,
And I could have watched your kid grow up through your fears?
That you left right before my success in the Manosphere?
That you almost saw me develop into such a cad?
That it all ended so bad,
While still an emotionless drag?
And you never watched me discover Sunflower
Or took me to Disney World?
You'll never know if I became a priest
Or got married at the least.
And that we'll never see each other again?
Surely that must make you mad.
I know I'm mad.

!251

*****

The Orphanage

Santa doesn't come to the orphanage.

He always seems to forget.
The nuns try to keep the kids in the dark,
But the know what it is they miss.

Sister Mary Thomas teaches literature.

Sister Mary Augustine cooks the food.
Sister Catherine spends her days in prayer,
And Mother Bridget is strung out on booze.

*****

I'll Be Around

I'll be around.
Wait until it falls apart.
I'l be watching for when
He breaks your heart.
And then I'll pick up the pieces

!252

And assemble the jigsaw.

And when I have you in my arms,
And everything has gone down,
Then you'll know that I'm around.

*****

We'll Get Together Again

We'll get together again.

Someday we'll be more than just friends.
Someday our hearts will mend.
After we're through seeing other people,
Under the steeple we'll make our vows true,
And we'll run under the rice thrown about
And wonder how we ever thought we're done.
The priest has said his magic words sealing
Us as at last healed in what will now last.
Now we can begin our eternity
And have our kids be there after the end.
Yes, we'll get back together,
We'll promise to each other.
Down the road when we're older,
Down the road further.

!253

*****

All My Friends Are Losers

All my friends are losers.

That's why they like me so.
All my friends have no friends.
They are all all alone.

We've all thought about death.

We all drink whiskey straight.
We've read too many books
To redirect the hate.

All my friends are losers.

They hate me like themselves.
So don't blame me too hard
For falling out so well.

*****

He Collects Guitar Picks

!254

He collects guitar picks,

And he drinks his milk hard.
Some people don't like him
When he plays a guitar.

His hands are stained with ink.

He doesn't know how to cut.
And he wants to escape,
But he's not sure from what.

Sing us a song, painter.

Have you lost your swan song?
Did you shoot yourself there,
Crying in the new dawn?

Embrace the bitterness,

Or at least admit it.
You are lost, young singer.
Cry your swan song in fits.

This is his last opus.

This is his diary.
Why jump off a freeway
When you can live in misery?

!255

The snow is settling fast.

It is not a mere frost.
Lie asleep in the warmth
And let it take your thoughts.

He isn't a nihilist,
But he can't escape the nothing.
He's lost faith in reason
And all the promises it brings.

He is a ship adrift.
God won't let him believe.
The world closes in around him
To crush his simple dreams.

Pray to the God you no longer

Believe in that you'll get cancer.
Pray fervently like a priest-monk,
But it won't come any faster.

*****

I Want You To Hate Me

!256

I want you to hate me.

I want you to be in anguish.
I want to be the kind of guy
About whom you say, "I miss who he was."
We shouldn't leave with no hard feelings,
Cause this should not be meaningless.
Don't tell me I'll stay in your prayers.
I don't want our time to have mattered less.

*****

To Hell And Back And Back Again

To Hell and back and back again.

Give me a dime,
And I'll tell where I've been.
Give me a quarter,
And I'll be your friend.
But give me a nickel,
And I'll call it the end.

To Hell and back and back to and fro.

Give me a dime,

!257

And off we shall go.

Give me a quarter,
And I'll let you know.
But give me a nickel,
And I'll leave you so.

To Hell and back and back we stay.

Give me a dime,
And there we'll play.
Give me a quarter,
And what come will may.
But give me a nickel,
And I'll go away.

*****

Katherine

Katherine was a dancer,

So she took performance enhancers.
They made her strong,
But she looks all wrong,
And now no one will romance her.

!258

Katherine was rather cold,

Not unusual to behold.
A flick of her mind,
And then you'll find
That she thinks you dull.

Everyone likes Katherine;

They call her a godsend.
Oh dear lady,
If you don't want me,
Can I at least be your friend?

Katherine is from Utah.

She came to me through God.
But she leaves me alone,
Even though I've shown
I'm a nice guy, true and all.

*****

Bourbon, Medicine, Bringing Life And Death

Bourbon, medicine, bringing life and death.

What shall I make of you?

!259

How can I not drink you?

Is this really my fate,
Basic'lly a pill addict?
I suppose so, so best to just give in.
Indulge in sweet sleep, an
Old-age suicide for an
Old-age generation,
Old-before I grow young.

Keep the party rolling,

The one I have through the stereo.
A few more distractions
For a few days more,
And then I'll grow loose and let it all hang through.

Roll on, snare drum,

Let loose that slow organ droning
To the loose piano
In an under-furnished apartment.

I mean, I don't know, I guess.

I can't blame my parents forever.
But somewhere I've got to stop feeling guilty.
One doesn't have this much depravity

!260

Of his own volition.

*****

If I Were To Ever Leave You

If I were to ever leave you,

Nothing more could make me feel blue.
That would be the end of the few
Things in life that ever felt true.

If I were to pass you on by,

I would spend that night deep in sighs.
I would tear my clothes while I cry.
Only you could make me feel fine.

If I were to find someone else,

I would feel off beside myself.
I would not hear the wedding bells
Until you returned back all well.

If I were to slip off my step,

It would be my greatest regret.
The pain would not let me forget

!261

On this I lay my surest bet.

*****

I Don't Know Why I Came Here

I don't know why I came here,

But it wasn't to find you.
Whoever you are,
Girl from my past,
There's another one of you somewhere,
But wherever that where is,
It ain't here.

I don't know why I came here anymore.

This ain't where anything is to be found.
This ain't the country I'm looking for.

*****

A Cigarette Shining

A cigarette shining like a diamond

Roughed in before the construction begins,

!262

Smoked to the end and it burns your fingers,

But it makes a difference, so you keep on,
Wishing it were an addiction.

Bell whistles and church dismissals,

Wedding days an envious mystery.
Throw some rice into a new life.
Kiss your departing sister's cheek.
A church tower like a castle
Looking on infatuation below.
Low budget with no fairy tales,
So it will last when they are old.
The bride is beautiful and every man
In attendance wishes he had had her hand.

*****

An Affair

I want to keep wondering about it.

I like the anticipation of the affair.
This is the first time I have felt alive
Since I got married to Kaitlin last year.

!263

So pull me tighter and hold me closer,

And I will promise to never forget.
So hold me tighter and kiss me longer,
And let me wonder what it had all meant.

Kiss me, Darling, and tell me all the lies

I have ever wanted Kaitlin to say.
Laugh at my jokes while you stroke my goatee.
Make me forget while the morning delays.

Make my head spin and my hands swim until

I understand that "lost in the moment"
Is not a metaphor like one might think.
Let me deep drink of this precious event.

Hold me until the morning sets itself

And I have to return back to my wife.
Don't let me think about what I will say.
Don't let me return yet to my real life.

*****

Lullaby

!264

Close your eyes, precious girl, and quit crying.

None of that will do you any worthwhile.
Go to sleep and forget this day high in
Troubles you could not predict thin or siled.
Close your throat and leave it be for a night;
There's nothing you can do this late of time.
That unrest will be present at sunsight,
And you can worry of these things at kind.
This hour won't hold your answers you're seeking,
So let the anxiety run from this.
Rest your head on the pillow I believe in
And take reprieve from unfixable stress.
Close your eyes and listen to me lying.
I will be your sandman, your eyes drying.

*****

I Wasn't Built To Last

I wasn't built to last.

Eventu'lly, no matter what happens,
This old car will wear itself down.
Gradu'lly the motor will slow,
Crusted over with rust and grit,

!265

And then it will crash one last time.

*****

Otherkin

I am an other kin.
Zeuskin, to be exact.
I feel as though I should be
Able to shoot lightning out of my hands.
I hate my body.

Last night I was banging this girl

And started honking like a swan.
"Stop that!" she said.
I hate cis scum.
They could never understand us Zeuskin.

Today I was talking to this cishet girl.

I told her about my sexual orientation.
"Oh, so you're a furry?"
Shitlord.

Legalize rape.

!266

It's the only way us

Mythkin can get it up.
Keep your laws off my body.

*****

I Want To Love You So Badly

I want to love you so badly,

Empty myself and become vulnerable
And pour all of my energy
Into loving you as much as I can.

I don't want to bang you.

I would rather make love.
Rather make you feel as much wanted as you are,
Make you blossom like a flower under the stars.

*****

If The Sun Was Green Instead Of Yellow

If the sun was green instead of yellow,

Would you love me still?

!267

If the rain burned up before it could land,

Would you let my love fulfill?
If the wind picked up and caught our sails low,
Could we stay together?
If we spent all night by the waves in sand,
Would this last forever?

*****

Brian's Heroics
This was written to be a children's picture book. A Manosphere friend was
going to make the illustrations but decided it was beyond his skill level.
Since it seems that most children's stories today have a strong female hero,
the concept of this project was to make a story that wasn't explicitly antifeminist but taught traditional masculine virtues of courage, comraderie,
protection, noble self-interest, loyalty, and respect for elders.

Brian lived in Kingsport in Tennessee.

He was the strongest in his fifth grade class.
But even he could not solve everything
When one day his friend Hannah was harassed.

Brian ran to his grandfather for help

Who sat in a rocker on his front porch.

!268

"Well hello there, Short Man!" the old one yelled

As the boy came like with rev'rance for church.

"Grandpa, I don't know what to do with this.

Seventh graders stole Hannah's bike, you see,
And I don't think I can keep my promise
I made to find it when she was crying."

"Well then, Short Man," said the ever staid sir,

"Where do the kids normally hang around?
Gather your friends who owe you a favor
And steal it back on that side of the town."

Brian ran off after thanking the man

And found his was through the paths in the woods.
Soon he arrived at his best friend Jack's land
And told him that he wanted to do good.

"What do I have to gain?" asked his friend Jack.

"It seems as though this could be dangerous."
"Because at last you will have paid me back
For when I fought your bully last August."

So the two headed off with each other

!269

To the game store where the bullies hung out.

The bike was leaning on the wall cover.
Brian and Jack could not believe their doubts.

But just as they could almost grab the bike,

The older kids saw and ran out the store.
Brian knew he could not win in a fight
Against the four bullies in a class war.

But Jack was hiding behind a mailbox

And soon tackled the smallest of the gang.
As they looked back Brian busted his chops
And rode off before they could inflict pain.

Though Brian had won back Hannah's item,

He could not get out of his mind the thought
That by now Jack would surely be frightened
In the likely event that he was caught.

So though he might lose Hannah's gratitude,

He turned around to head for the game store.
Brian knew what was the right thing to do.
Even if he did not know what he was in for.

!270

Jack had made a lucky dash towards a shop

And was hiding behind an aisle inside.
The seventh graders were a potent mob,
But Jack was even more shrewd than the tribe.

Like a squirrel he escaped from the store

And found Brian passing by in the lot.
Jack hopped on their getaway sloop of war,
And they drove to Hannah's usual spot

The little blonde girl sat under her tree,

Her face stained with dried tears now all shed out.
But when she saw her blue cycle soaring,
With what little voice left she gave a shout.

She first gave Jack the biggest hug one can,

For Hannah knew a man needs his allies.
But to her secret crush the brave Brian
A kiss on the cheek would surely suffice.

Then the blushing lass rode away fast when

The boy stared at the girl deeply confused.
He did not realize why Hannah asked him,
Though Brian could not help but be amused.

!271

*****

I. Our Tribe

We are the creators.

We are the victors
Overcoming the barbarians
And laying waste to the heathens.

We have tamed the wild.

The lions we do not fear.
The bear and the wildcat tremble
When they hear the sound of our call.

We have built our houses

And strengthened the fences.
Though the heretic fires his arrow,
Even in the night his attacks are in vain.

The divine has blessed our tribe.

Our crops grow and our children laugh.
Our boys are taught our traditions,
And we shall survive the night.

!272

II. Our Home

Safe just away from the outsiders,

We try to live the best we can.
Our children -- we hope -- will grow strong
And will learn to protect us someday.

Our hearth has been laid,

And it has been blessed by Above.
A stew is boiling in the corner,
And we shall not go hungry.

We have maintained our light,

And therefore we have life.
Though times may be difficult,
We will not starve in the night.

Our men have provided resources

And we with skill have developed them.
The Above has softened the boar for our table,
And the wolf seeks a new prey.

*****

!273

They've Already Won Each Other

They've already won each other,

But it stays a secret.
Both have his or her strategy,
Not realizing how easy it would be.

Play a slow game,

Make him worrisome more
Than he or she already is.

She has a sweet-hearted nature,

And he never loses his frame.
It's a match made on earth.
Everybody sees the same worth.
Everybody hopes they get together
And wishes their best that
They stay so forever.

*****

Sometimes In The Early Night

!274

Sometimes in the early night

A few thoughts come to me
While I'm sitting in my chair
Having my evening drink.
A dog, house burning in front
Wond'ring if dinner's late.
The muse, it plays, next ballad
On my record-player.
Sirens, a deep wail out back,
Coming down the ghetto.
A logic up for drinking,
Philosophy to pay.
Damn the coming night in gales
Roaring against the shore.
A tsunami leans in well.
Enjoy the declining home.
Surf's up, hum, catch a wave.
Catch a wave and ride it far
As you're able. And when
You land on the wreckage left,
Scan at snagging your hair,
Build your hut on nuptials,
Torn and forgotten songs.
I look and it's after right

!275

Eleven of the clock.

Should go to bed, but I'll have
Another glass of gin.
The last cigarette dying
In the ashtray. I should
Close the notebook and drink down
My glass. The surf's still low.

*****

Forever In Love

Holding you tighter,

As if the moment
Will never end.

But someday we'll part,

Because teenage lust
Can't last forever.

And if I could pet

Your hair as we grow old,
Living in a house
With two-point-three kids

!276

In coastal Georgia,
Still the ground will hold you,
And I'll be unmarried again.

So I'll hold you tighter,

Afraid of the dark.
And if you're close enough,
We'll never, ever part.

*****

Here I Stand, Missing You

Far off on a distant shore,

Unreachable goddess of lore,
I'll want you still at death's door.
But here I stand, missing you.

Watching the Venerian waves

Wild with Neptune's fiery craze,
But I'm stuck in Gaia's maze,
Wishing only to be kissing you.

I don't mind waiting a while,

!277

For idealizing is my style,

Though truth never makes a smile.
I guess I can't help bitching to you.

I could damn my desires,

And walk from your loving fires,
But to you I'm the same mire,
And I'll not be dissing you.

*****

Christian Lust

If fornication is a sin,
Then masturbation is grim.
So every night
When I wait
Five and a half years
To reach around your back
And grab your fat breast,
I get up and take a piss.

*****

!278

Letter Of Rejection

My dear Katherine,
I regret to announce
That your services
Will not be needed.
It's been a long
Interview process,
But after a long pursuit
I've come to the conclusion -And do not think it is sour grapes -I've come to the conclusion
That you are a bitch,
And I no longer wish to
Offer you the position.
I understand that you'll
Find this most agreeable.

Worst Wishes,
Blair.

*****

The Seasons

!279

Well, it's Halloween again,

Children's second favorite time of year.
It's Halloween again,
Harmless fun is finally here!

Dumb holiday -I don't see the use.

"Get off my lawn!"
I yell with abuse.

II

Thanksgiving means Christmas is near!

The food is bland, and cousin Sam
Is annoying to have here.
Myself, I'm a cartoon fan.

I'm thankful for the mortgage

And for my deadbeat son.
I'm thankful for my soul-crushing job
That funds my wife's mall runs.

!280

III

Christmas! Christmas!
I want twelve days.
Lots of fuss, but it's a must!
I love the craze.

Carolers come to my door.

They don't even try harmony anymore.
A stupid ditty, not even pretty,
About a red reindeer they adore.

IV

Lent's here. I'm so sad!

I want chocolate very bad.
But I made a vow to God,
So I'll give caramel my regard.

Worst time of the year,

And I won't adhere,
For I saw the priest
Eating eggs and red meat.

!281

Easter is a little Christmas.

Candy and crafts and gifts.
But I can't help but fuss,
Cause these clothes itch!

Parking is so hard to find,

Even if nobody bothers to be on time!
Why come here just once a year?!
I wish they'd all disappear!

VI

Fourth of July is great -Boom and Bang!

But these burgers are too thick;
It's just not the same -- lame!

Why do people like fireworks?-Boring as all hell.

At least there's beer
To drown out my nephew's yells.

!282

*****

I Used To Be A Good Person

I used to be a good person,

And I used to try.
But now I don't even know why.

All my life,
People have called me bad.
All my life,
All my family,
All my friends.
Why let them down again?

*****

I Miss The Cold

I miss the cold, the northern winters.

Because when I had you,
I had a warmth I don't find down here.

!283

I miss the isolation,

Safe in my cell.
And though the demons
Were hounding me through the night,
In the dead of morning
Things would be made right.

The sun is out of orbit.

What should have been
Was not to be,
As the saying is.
I was under no assumption of bliss,
But you neither denied nor quit me.

A forlorn love song.

No matter how much I hate you,
I miss you in my life.
Or at least,
I miss what you were.

Should all towers really fall?

You were my bulwark.
Should all seas meet the shore?
Should the watchman shirk?

!284

Alone in the cold,

Thirsty for conversation.
This was happiness,
Or close enough vocation.
Away from the drudge of life,
A peak at what seemed nice.
But for better or worse,
I returned to earth
And forever left the North.

Did you ruin me forever

By putting me through the sieve?
Should I have achieved great things
Had you not taken me under your wing?
I suppose you lost your bet.
If I can't forgive,
At least I'll try to forget.

*****

Netherlands, 1973

!285

What can I say but that there is no choice?

I do my best, whatever may come ways.
They oppress and hound me, through no fault, true,
But I continue on still stoically.
What choice do I have? They at least have none,
But I have chosen to press fore to-wards.
They are merely gears in the old machine,
But -- unlike me -- they can't be judged nor should.

II

Feel the gears turn -- feel the turns upon you.

What choice? Might as well try to enjoy it.
Strange ride, but here's a turn! -- that's much better.
Keep sailing, keep it on. Bumpy, but we'll
Make the best of it that we can. We will.
This river is steamy, a hazy one.
What did you expect from a name like that?
Just let it ride. Moss and all, let it ride.

III

Where is our captain? Maybe this will do.

!286

I love the vagrant life, even if for

Only a few weeks. Something profoundly
Human about the trail. Keep my here for
Ever, Big Sky Country, keep me forever.
Big Sky Land, she's my wife. Gentle mistress.
See any sign, and assign myself to thee.
I will rest here until the end burns out.

IV

A kinder time, but here's a gloom. Dark times

Devour the nat'ral man. But what did you
Expect? Die in flower, die with your love.
Let's not be alone, now. How quickly our
Modes flux and change. All men will change.
But in time we shall return to better
Times and happier days, if you believe
In such cycles. Sometimes the bad will kill
The most dear and best among us, the few.
We are few in the Big Sky Country lands.

A better place, that's where. There are many

!287

Kinds of nature. How many do I need?

Forests and hills, men and women, many
Meet where they always were. Lose something here?
Trying to find yourself? It's right where you
Left it! Why, how odd now! Take it away,
Take yourself home. You've never left, have you?

VI

Hey! It's a new prairie! Injuns comin',

Gotta build my gen'ral shop, gotta live!
Easy-livin', Injuns driven, but hey,
That's America, baby, that's us. Well,
Say what you will, but can't go back. Gotta
Do the best with what we have for ourselves.
And what now, man? Are you happy? Are you
Isolated? Can't go home, so make do.
Find a way, American Bill, find it.
Find a purpose to live by, a reason.
So beautiful. This is art. Forgotten.

VII

This is loneliness, sep'rated from God

!288

And man. Guide my way and give me reason.

I'm left behind, or did I leave them all?
Be more epic and rise! -- Rise traveller.
It's so damn hard, but sometimes you do it.
You do the best you can, not good enough.
Give up! Give up, I say. Resign yourself
And just listen. Hear them voices praying?
Take the suppressant and let yourself rest.
Numb and dumb, comf'table. That's happiness.
No point in kicking the goads, so don't think
Too hard. Enjoy the decadence while it's
Still hanging around. Well, say a prayer
For me, and say one for you too.

VIII

Here's a sad song. Should not be so,

But you know, though, what could you ever do?
Well, then, I'll find something sad to sing then,
Something that sounds hopeful but not quite yet.
A puppy is not yet a dog, and a
Rainbow is a fleeting beauty. Play an
Old tune, Margo, play it for me, with a
Sad violin. Play it again for us.

!289

IX

What's more true than the ocean, the sea

Deep blue and true? I sailed here with a cause,
And I'm not sure when to leave. Any rate,
Beauty will guide my path. I will follow
Whatever catches my fancy the most.
I love most what I cannot have, but still
I'll chase beauty around the globe until
The stars burn themselves out. Bleed on, bright nights.
I could never forget all that you've done.
I could never forget what you should be,
Most beautiful maiden, my guiding light.
Pull into harbor now, awkward and slow.

*****

It's Painful To Drink

It's painful to drink this far in.

Every drop is a new
Dagger in this bleeding wound.

!290

But what choice do I have?

Alcohol is the only thing
That can cleanse this world.

But the closer I get

To the end of the glass,
The more I want to pour another.
I suppose the more I drink,
The less drunk I truly am.

*****

Loving You Is The Only Thing I Know How To Do [Lyrics]

Ain't got much money

Bout broke in talent too.
Things aren't always sunny
But sometimes a grey kind of hue.
And I know it's not much
That I have to give to you.
But please put up with such

Cause lovin' you's is the only thing

I know how to do.

!291

Yeah, lovin' you's is the only thing

I know how to do.

And though I've got nothing going for me,

And though I'll never be able to provide.
You could never find a reason
To go away from my side.
Because I've got one skill in this world,
And it's not singing the blues.

Lovin' you's is the only thing

I know how to do.
Yeah, lovin' you's is the only thing
I know how to do.
Sing it, lovin' you's is the only thing
I know how to do.
And there's a reason you love me too.

You may be smarter than me.

You can cook a mean roast.
And though I come off pompous,
I really don't like to boast.
But let's be honest.
I have a good use.

!292

Lovin' you's is the only thing

I know how to do.
Yeah, lovin' you's is the only thing
I know how to do.
Sing it, lovin' you's is the only thing
I know how to do.
And there's a reason you love me too.

*****

Bar Floor Waltz [Lyrics]

Verse
Not quite last call,
But the floor's vacant anyway.
Haven't had much to drink,
And I see you lookin' my way.
I ain't got a prohibition.
No need to halt.
Let's put aside our inhibitions
And do the bar floor waltz.

Chorus

!293

The bar floor waltz.

It's where love is born.
A country girl fall deeply
Into a dance so warm.
I take your hand in mine
And spin you around the room
When we dance the waltz
Behind a bar floor tune.

Verse
What else is there to do?
Cause you're looking like a rose.
And tonight's a night
That nobody else will know.
Just you and me,
Perhaps we'll forget in the morn.
But for now let's dance a dance
For two lovers ready for their turn.

Verse
I'm a little clumsy on my feet,
But you've never practiced either.
I'll give you the chance
To shuffle your feet here.

!294

And when the song's over,

And the next one's in four.
You and I will switch to rhumba,
And we'll dance some more.

*****

Out Of Whiskey [Lyrics]

Lord, help me forget

Cause I'm out of whiskey
The bottle's bone dry
And the glass is just a drop
Not much is left
I need some brown you see
But I'm 'bout out of rye
And too drunk to visit the shop

Got some gin in the freezer

But it's just not the same
Lord, help me hold on
Cause the rye is about gone.
I couldn't please her,
Though I tried to be a saint.

!295

Lord, keep me going strong.

Cause that gin won't last long.

And there's an old beer in the fridge.

And just a little 'shine in a jar.
Take off its lid.
Mix it in on a dime.
Mix the gin and 'shine
With what's left of the rye,
And see if that will get me far.

There's a tavern down the road,

But I'm short on cash.
Can only afford to drink alone,
Cause the money is running out fast.

Lord, help me forget Kaitlyn

If she won't make amends.
Lord, help me make a new friend.
Help me to love again.

*****

I'm Only Going To Let You Lie To Me One More Time

!296

You're pretty rough to be around.

You really walk that line.
So let me promise you something,
Put a law down to keep you in the ring.
I'm only going to let you lie to me one more time.

You've got a way of dodging.

You deceive your own.
But I know you're weak,
And can't see the pain you're causing.
So to keep you meek,
After two more strikes you'll be alone.

I'm a generous guy.

Nice enough to admire.
I know deep down what you desire.
But I'm hurt by your crimes.
So now you know why,
I'm only going to let you lie to me one more time.

*****

That Depression LIfestyle

!297

That depression lifestyle

Is what's got me today.
Well, what can I say?
Some go to weed,
Others to heroin.
My brother's into that
New-brand acid.
Nah, too expensive,
Too dangerous.
A simple bourbon and pack of cigarettes
Will suffice me through the night.
Finally crashing at eight,
since sundown begins at noon.
But music is the only
Gods I know anymore.
Much closer to me
Than Jesus ever was, at any rate.

So keep rolling, Rolling Stones.

Jive and dive, sway and fray.
Put together the jigsaw,
And find a way to keep the day.
Even when you lose out on the dream,

!298

In another land is where you take me.

*****

Mister Woodson

Mister Woodson tells the kids his hand was

Lost in an electric saw accident.
Rumors abound, though.
Some say he lost it in the war when he
Pulled an Iraqi child out of a ditch
But that the trauma
Is too painful for him to think about.
Some kids say the shop teacher lost his hand
Back when he fought bulls
In rural Spain. The arena was a
Small affair out of the way from the road.
One hot August night,
Drunk on wine and romance, just as he was
About to pull the red cape away from
The charging savage,
Seor Hijo de La Madera looked
Up to see his beloved Spanish maid
Kissing the baron.

!299

And for that split second, the bull hit the

Cape so hard that it knocked Seor Hijo's
Wrist out of its joint.
And so the next morning when he challenged
The baron to a duel, the coy thief was
Easily able
To separate Seor's hand from his arm.
And so with his body as broken as
His heart, the fighter
Boarded the next ship to America
Where he settled down with the girl from home.

An Erotic Epic

I saw a picture of Leda and Zeus.

Funny, that's, like, my exact fantasy,
Except I am the swan, and the girl's the
Olson sisters, who are bicurious
But still really nervous and hesitant.
So I'm a swan nailing Ashley while she
Keeps laughing and pleading, "Please, I said 'no',"
And although she tries to cover her smile,
Ashley has always been a bad actress.
Mary Kate stands behind me and pulls on

!300

My neck at first, but when that fails, she cries

Big silent tears for just a few seconds
Before she starts touching herself, seeing
If she can moan louder than her sister.
"Blair, tag me in," she says. She starts licking

I can't do this. It's not in me. I quit.

Not just the twin incest. I can't write porn.

*****

Philosophers Have Always Been Drunks

A drunken man reveals

His sober self's thoughts?
That's the most ridiculous
Thing I've ever heard.
You're never yourself after drinking.
No, your true yourself is blurred.
A drunk man does not tell his thoughts;
Just his fears.
He does not tell the truth;
Just what he hopes isn't churning,
That which wasn't so near this morning.

!301

A drunk man also tells his memories,

The ones he tried to forget
Since he couldn't forgive,
The recent histories
Dimmed but now vivid.
How else does one survive
Warding off the desire to die?

*****

I Could Apologize

I could apologize,
But if you gave your forgiveness,
I'd hate you for it.
So trust me,
It's better this way,
We shouldn't deny the hate.
Take your right to be mad,
And I'll take what I've had.

*****

Beatles As They Go: A Drunken Rambling

!302

Listened to Hey Jude today

For the first time in,
Like, forever.
The optimistic beat
Gave me the strength
To finally cut my wrists.
Let me finish my piss,
And then I'll make it better.

II

Sexy Sadie,
You can be my lady.
Make a fool of me,
And then you'll see.
I'll be the jester

III

Oh, Darlin',
If you need me,

!303

This is the perfect song

For a drink of ye.
I won't leave you alone
In the glowing zone
Known as sweet medicine,
Gentle Old Doctor Crow.

IV

The Beach Boys's lesser-known

Or unreleased stuff from
pre-1966 is fanfuckingtastic.
It makes me want to cut.
Where's Hey Jude when you need it?

I'd be in an Octopus's Garden with you.

Safe under the shade,
Spreading my seed in your rose bushes
And burying my face in your breasts.
Hey?

*****

!304

This Late At Night

It used to be a woman,
But now it's another pastor.
Either of the two,
Drinking's the view,
Because I don't know what else to do.

Did you really think I'd forget you?

How many years will pass until I'm past you?

I can't see straight this late at night.

You're too buried for hate,
But bourbon brings it into the light,
No matter how trite.

I hope I drown in my bathtub.

It would be better than your love.

I wish I weren't an alcoholic,

But you've left me nothing solid.
Let me just cry
Before I follow.

!305

The only thing upon which

The broken-hearted people
Will ever agree
Is substance abuse
To finally break free.
This upon alone we meet,
This upon alone we unite.
Black, 'Spic, or White,
Let it rest and cease,
And forget it all in a drink.

The monk inspires me to drink to shit,

and the Beach Boys are loud enough for me to forget.

Oooo. Hushaye. Sandman coming soon.

Blair Naso falling into his tomb.

*****

God's Astrology

I saw Sarah again in passing.

It must be a sign from God.
That's how God works, you know.

!306

He gives you little coincidences

So that you can discern His will.
So I know we're destined to get married,
Because it's written in the stars.

*****

The Amazing Alice McDallas

Meet the Amazing Alice McDallas!

She's the ten-year old wonder around us!
Smarter than a whip,
And quick with a quip,
And fashion not to be doubted!

The Amazing Alice McDallas is a writer,

Her poems flow from inside her.
She likes to ride horses
And dream of sorcerers.
One day she'll have friends to inspire.

*****

Forest Fantasy

!307

The mushroom people ride through the forest,

Toadstool-heads saddling toads in the day-race
While the gnomes cheer from the sidelines eating
Grass-grain pastries and drinking martinis.
A fantastical wonderworld beneath
A perpetual purple sky.
The mushroom heads racing toads against the gnomes,
While the candy kingdoms prepare for war -The chocolates against the sweets
Just over in the next valley.
The gnome-people leave their blown bubbles by
The old candy fact'ry, where for years they
Worked to bring life into the world,
For today is a holiday.

*****

She Stood Every Day By The Pier

She stood every day by the pier

Staring out into the sea,
For she was unable to believe
That he had drowned out there.

!308

Ten years prior her beloved Robert

Signed up for work on a ship,
But a week in the winds hit
And no one survived the waters.

The wreck was never found

After that dirty weather.
People found out never
If they were pirated or drowned.

And Missus Marbles didn't cry

But still clung to her hope.
And when the sun arose
She'd go to the beach to spy.

For ten long years she spent the days

Waiting down on the beach.
She eyed the sea as far as could reach
And broke only to eat and pray.

Their house was at the top of the hill

Overlooking the little dock.
She dreaded her widow's walk

!309

And everything that was a bitter pill.

The town thought she was strange

To be in that much stoic denial.
To afford such a lifestyle
She must have had some money saved.

Missus Marbles waited by the pier

Every day looking to sea.
She could never conceive
To live out her deepest fear.

*****

Veni, Veni, Venias

Veni, veni, venias,

Shall we get married after mass?
Veni, veni, venias,
Let's take it nice and fast.

Dixi, dixi, dicias.

I would like for this to be easy for us.
Dixi, dixi, dicias.

!310

I won't leave you weeping in knots.

Adspexi, adspexi, adspicias.

Okay, I'll give my game up for loss.
Adspexi, adspexi, adspicias.
You are all that ever met my wants.

*****

I'm Going To Stop Pretending I Don't Want You To Hurt Like I do.

Who are you talking to?

What's he got in mind?
I know what's down the line,
And I'm going to stop pretending
I don't want you to hurt
Like I do.

What's that on your slate?

Well, I found out too late.
And I did it all on my dime,
Although you'd call it your time.
So I don't see why I should think
I don't want your hurt

!311

To hurt like mine.

No, I kid.
I mean, it's a jest, I guess.
You never feel hurt,
But there's some frustration
Once your day's done.
So let's be honest,
Because I want you to feel all the pain
Of when my heart drains.
I want to hurt you
Just like I do.

*****

I'm Going To Drink Myself Sober

I'm going to drink myself sober.

And I'll wake up tomorrow with today's leftovers.
And somehow I'm going to find my closure.
And no matter what they say about my foul odor,
I won't be bossed around by the non-smokers.
I won't be bossed around by mediocre power brokers.

!312

*****

Caroline

I never truly appreciated Caroline,

No, not until now.
It takes a certain level of booze
Or depravity -- same thing,
To make one get it.
God. Fuck.
Let it be over.
Thank you, though,
For this song. No,
Caroline has moved on,
Or at least, she couldn't move back.

To be honest,
I didn't like this song when I first heard it.
I had to force myself
For it to grow on me.
But slowly you learn to love it,
Because it speaks to the humanity
That is lost the more we progress.
And then one day it all just clicks.

!313

Or maybe on several days.

The more feminism marches on,

The more pretty young girls
Cut their hair and lose their radiance of happiness.
What's been gained but the stress of the office
And the dissatisfaction of choice?

But Caroline wasn't one of those.

And Caroline never will be.
Someone will be happy someday.
I just wish I hadn't thrown it away.
Oh Caroline, oh,
I wish we could try it again.
I wish we could go again.
Oh Courtney, fuck, no.
Forgive me, no.

*****

Saturday Night Fever

Five-twelve in the morning.

Guess it's time to go to bed.

!314

I'll wake up in a dozen hours

And go to liturgy
Hungover and filled with the Spirit.

*****

I'm Going To Drink You Off My Mind

I'm going to drink you off my mind,

Because you've left me with too much time.
I'm going to need something stronger
Than that old California wine.
And I'll soak myself in Tennessee brine
And mature into my prime.

Hey, almost every line

Matches with a rhyme.

*****

I Don't Need It, But I Want It [Lyrics]

verse
I could do without.

!315

Could stay sober if I fought it.

But is that what life's about?
I don't need it,
But I want it.

verse
Wake up tomorrow morning
Without feeling rotten.
I shouldn't stay up all night.
I don't need it,
But I want it.

bridge
I may be alone tonight,
But I've got my wife with me.
She's this brand new bottle
Of courage from Tennessee.
And though my latest didn't hurt too bad,
The disappointment still stings.
And though I'll still feel the loss tomorrow,
Tonight I'm gonna sing.

verse
About how I'll solve my problems.

!316

I'll be straight and honest.

I don't need to drink her away.
I don't need it,
But I want it.

And I know I can't drink her away,

But I want it.
I want it.

******

Flunking Out Of Christ

What do you do
When God leaves you?
Or maybe not God,
But his substitute
Cuts town and leaves you dry,
Runs you out on a rail?

I drink to forget drinking alone.

I drink because it's been so long
Since I felt God's presence,
I'm not sure he was ever there

!317

To begin with.

When all the evidence looks like

God's just dicking you around,
And when everyone tells you
It's all just a test,
How many years can you take the test
Before you finally flunk out?

*****

Oh Sister

Oh sister,
How much time do you think we have?
How many chances can I give you
Before I've given everything I had,
Before I walk away full of sadness
And grief that it's all complete?

Well, I gave it the best I could.

Wasn't much,
But it was the best I could do.
And despite what you may believe,

!318

I did it all for you.

Everything was always for you.

Everything I ever thought was true.

I'll be here in the morning.

I'll be waiting for you.
I couldn't run off
Even if I wanted to.
And when you awake,
Just remember
What you already knew.
I'm still here, oh sister,
I'm still here waiting for you,
Remaining through and through.

*****

I Should Go To Bed

I should go to bed,
But my beer argues otherwise.
It'll take an hour to finish the bottle.
Guess I have no choice.

!319

I was never pro-choice anyway.

I should doze the night away,
But I can't find nowhere my voice,
And I can't hold closer the throttle,
And I won't get over my mother's lies,
So I'll just try to drown my head.

*****

Charlie

I keep getting letters

From some kid named Charlie
Who assumes I'm his friend
Though we've never met.
Feeling sorry for the guy
But started throwing them away
After about the third one.
Go make your own friend.

*****

Nicotine

!320

That feeling when you haven't had a

Smoke in three weeks, and you return
And just melt right into the nicotine.
It's like taking a piss on a road trip.
That first release is the greatest
Feeling for all you know,
And you just drink in the rest of
The pack like a milkshake.

Then you look up, bourbon-stained throat.

It's been over three hours.
The pack of cigarettes is almost gone.
Have I really been smoking this whole time?
Do I have a problem?
Ha, no, I have a solution,
Even if only a band-aid
On a gaping wound that
Won't scab over any time in
The near future.

*****

Will I Miss You Forever?

!321

Will I miss you forever?

I've been through others arguably worse.
I forgot about them in due course,
Although I still remember from time to time.
The pain never really goes away,
But after a while it becomes blunt.
One day I won't even care
How badly you hurt me.
Doesn't that kill you to know?

*****

Worse Than Women

Some things hurt worse than women.

The worst things aren't feminine.
You'll never read this,
But just in case of it,
You will never be forgiven.

I will never get over you,

And the damage is through and through.
But I take some comfort in knowing
That you have your own loathing

!322

Towards a sinner you once knew.

Why cannot I forget this man?

Why cannot I move past the scam?
Your memory cuts deeper than a knife,
Even worse than a divorced wife,
And you don't even give a damn.

And sometimes, if I forget just right,

It's like you are still there at night.
I could write a letter,
And you'd write back better
And assure me it will all be all right.

And the more I sink into bourbon,

The more I remember what I'm mourning.
I was dry before you left me,
But old habits take the lead
In times of need lacking a surgeon.

Your memory is worse than a knife

That severs the muscles in my thigh.
I want to forget
And have no regrets,

!323

But it fails whatever I try.

You don't even give a damn.

You could have at least assured me it would be all right.
You could have at least written that,
Even without you,
Everything would be all right.

*****

Motivation

We drink because we've given up on suicide.

Why do we tell people it's all right
When they ask us, "Morning, how are you?"
Before church service in the pews.
Will you quit asking me a question
If you don't want to hear my depression?

Before I wrote some sad verse,

Then I downed some pills, of course.
Leave me alone, can't you tell
That I've given up after hell?
I've decided to live after all,

!324

So let me sink into a drunken crawl.

Piss off, liberal health activists;
My cigarettes are all I have left.

Can't you just let me drink all night?

My Beach Boys and Stones will guide my light.
Can't you just leave me depressed,
Leave me sinking into my rest,
Alone and consumed with stage fright?

*****

Regan, So That I Don't Forget

I would have married you,

Whore and all.
Missed opportunity,
Your poor call.

But despite all the boys

Who have gotten you moist,
You are all we ever wanted,
For which all we ever plotted.

!325

Depression smoking to eternity,

The ideal life for you and me.
For years we ran on the same brain wavelength,
But you di'nt want someone in sync.

I guess I'm not alpha enough,

But by the grace of Above,
You rarely cross my mind,
And even then barely aligned.
So the pain strangely is not much this time.

*****

Each Gulp Of Whiskey

Each gulp of whiskey

Cuts a bit more out of me.
Each longer drag of brown
Makes me gag a bit more down.
Like a cutter to the skin,
Likewise bourbon cleanses your sins.
I'm not sure what it will take
For me to forgive.

!326

It hurts so much
Each time I feel the touch.
The bourbon doesn't even burn,
Because I've become all numb.
Still, I dread every draft,
Like a gust on a cracked mast.
But I know you won't be found
Reading my very pet sounds.

Each sip a new hangover,

A plague of today's leftovers.

*****

Voice Of Our Generation

Nothing to do now but drink

What else was left for us
In a world edged on the brink?
I just want to break down and cry,
But instead I'll drink my rye.

*****

!327

Dream Job

I want a secretary with a habit of chewing pens

With legs longer than sin
And a pink blouse
Fluffed like a flouse
And a typewriter banged out by men.

*****

Quitting Smoking

Loose-leaf won't cut it the right way.

It's been about a month since my last pack.
Money's tight. I know if I were to buy one,
It would be gone in less than two hours's time.
It takes a special kind of Blair to make
Them last less than a week.
Mother says I'm special.

*****

Drunken Disorders

!328

I love that thing when you're drinking,

And you get to a certain point when
You decide you want to read something,
But suddenly all the words jump around,
And you skip them and go back,
Like a lexdysic child,
But you're able to make sense of it all,
And you feel like a scholar.
You don't need no syntax to know a language.

*****

It's Been Almost Two Hours

It's been almost two hours.

Just after this song,
Or the one after the next,
And then I'll go to bed
And put away the alcohol.
One more cigarette.

Wait, it's past the eight hours mark.

I won't get a full night's sleep.
No matter; seven or even six hours

!329

Should suffice before work.

And if I'm still a little drunk,
Toothpaste and milk will solve that.
I've driven boozed before,
And it ain't no big deal.
Just wait until after this song.

*****

Tonight I'm Going To Keep Drinking

Tonight I'm going to keep drinking

Until I hate God.
I'm going to down a double bourbon
Like it's sweet tea,
Because what else is there to do?
It's someone's fault,
But it isn't mine.
At least,
It isn't this time.
Ambiguity
Is the death of me.

*****

!330

Axioi

Where are the worthy ones?

Where are the axioi?
In the old days we had heroes,
But now we only have martyrs.

I need a hero,
And I need a captain.
My hero!
I will follow.
Don't fail me, hero,
And I will follow you
Over the edge of the earth.

Don't let go, hero.

Don't let me go.
I need a hero,
A man among fellows.

Hold on, dear hero.

Your people need you
Whether they want it or not.

!331

You are alone.

*****

Song of the American Girl

I want to find love,

But I'm not sure how.
I want my own family,
But where is my knight to rescue me?

Shall I play dress up

And apply liberal makeup?
Should I be more catty
Or become a fatty
To weed out the men
Who won't want me for me?

Do I swim through the night club,

Snort cocaine in a bathtub,
Experiment with lesbian love,
Have past lovers forgotten of?

Do men want a working wife

!332

That they can relate to,

Or would they prefer a shy girl
Who will never challenge him through?
Do they want to commit too quick,
Or would they rather just have fun with it?
Should I get a fashionable tattoo,
Or will it make me look weird nude?
Do they want someone who's never been in bed,
Or would they rather have someone who's fun instead?
Should I play hard to get,
Or should I open my legs and forget?
Do they want a youthful ditz,
Or should I have my aged wits?
Should I have a foul mouth,
And drink like I'm in the South?

Do I need a man to feel like myself,

Or should I delay it for another year?
Would a lady give a king better help
If I should swallow my fear?

I'll do whatever I think I need

If only I could get a man to want me.

!333

*****

A Sunday Sermon

All the young men,

Whatever your sin.
Gather together and listen;
Vocalize what you've been missing.

Gather together,
Round up the street.
Congregate yourselves,
And take what you need.

Your drugs will not save you.

Cutting will not give release.
Young men should not live like this,
Should not sink into porn and fantasy.

Gather together,
For rock n' roll is dead.
It never promised you anything
But to get you out of your head.

!334

Listen together to what I say,

And worry not about social cred.
You've got nothing to lose
In a world where you're just a dude.

Worry not about your parents,

About feeling like a success.
They've left you with nothing.
You have nowhere to rest.

Throw off your morality!

Hit women, shun blacks.
They aren't on your side.
I'm done with all that.

All the young men:

What has been your sin?
You've got nothing in this world,
No hope to make even.

*****

Letter To Fr Stephanos

!335

The following is a follow-up to the letter in the previous volume, although

it is written to a different person.

I realize this is a long email. Don't worry about answering it soon if you
don't have the time to read it through. I'd rather wait for a good response
than have a quick easy response.

They say confession is good for the soul. Psychologists and educators
teach people to be vulnerable and open with their feelings. I'm generally
skeptical of that. Tears don't solve problems. Neither does attention.
There's a reason for the saying "Boys don't cry." Not because boys don't,
but because it usually doesn't accomplish much.

It's now been over half a year since the falling out with the hieromonk,
although it feels like a shorter time. That and my time with Fr Justin were
so painful, I try to avoid thinking about it, and I've never been able to
discuss it sober after I left. But it comes back at night when I'm laying in
bed. Fr Nicholas is honestly what drives me to drink and smoke so much,
which I had more or less quit when I was living with Fr Justin. And even
though it usually doesn't cross my mind in the day, when I'm drinking or
trying to sleep at night, it all comes back, and I can't help but dwell on it.
And it's not just bitterness, but wishing it had worked out. Wishing I could
have become a monk, but I'm far too mistrustful of the system now for that
to ever happen at any monastery. Like an abused dog.

!336

The funny thing is that about two months after I left, I started writing for
the anti-feminism blog. It was about a week after I left St Basil's that I
discovered the red pill movement, which, for all it's social commentary, is
highly sex-focused. That also frustrates me, in that it puts sex constantly
on my mind. I don't actually care about having sex, but what tortures me is
this in-between thing when you're trying to not do it outside marriage.
When you're wanting to be a monk, you write off sexuality and move past
it, so it becomes a non-issue. But when you're waiting for marriage, you're
by default engaging in your sexual energy without actually channeling it.
It's awful, and I'm afraid I'm going to marry the first person who vaguely
meets what I'm looking for.

It's funny---I used to write that apologetics blog, and I wanted to be a

theological writer. Fr Nicholas usually implied I wouldn't ever produce
anything worthwhile in that. Now I get my fans for criticizing Christianity,
more so what it's become than the actual doctrines. I've gone from
defending Christianity to attacking it. I've also gone from have a foot in
celibate culture to writing for a hedonistic semi-amoral website.

I think what I'm doing now with trade school and searching for a wife is
God's plan B, and I think it's the best option at this point. Monasticism--at
least for me--has always been a fool's gold chase. Like the people who go
searching for Big Foot.

!337

Anyway, so I often get up if I can't sleep. Have a couple cigarettes and a

few drinks. Surf the internet. I think the reason my generation is so into
music and the internet is because we hate the sound of our own thoughts.

I had thought about telling all this to the OCA priest, but again, I was
mistrustful. And my skepticism proved true. There were several yellow
flags along the way, and then it suddenly fell apart when I caused a break
in his narrative. Like I said about OCA idealism. Can't stand dissenting
viewpoints. The priest from the town next to yours is the same way, and I
get the impression Fr Stephan Freeman in Oak Ridge is too, judging by the
way he interacts with laity on the internet.

The GOA priest is Fr George. He actually knew your predecessor "Old Fr

Nick" who fell down during liturgy. Anyway, I didn't tell Fr George about
my time with Fr Justin, since he knows the people there. I hate discussing
Fr Justin, and I know that if someone were to mention me to Fr Justin, he'd
lie to make himself look like a victim even while complimenting me.

I spoke with Fr George a little to introduce myself, but obviously I don't

know him well. Seems easy-going, but I try not to trust someone based on
the caliber of his smile. Some part of me feels like I should meet with him
and unload, but the intellectual side of me thinks that's a bad idea. How
well can you really know a person? I knew Fr Nicholas for a year and a

!338

half, and even then we were both surprised by how things ended. I'm not
mad that he asked me to leave so much as the sanctimonious and
emotionless way in which he did it and the attitude of his flunky Fr John.
And the way he assumed it would be different despite knowing the state I
was in. I would hope his house burns down, but then he'd just view it as
some kind of divine providence bullshit. I hate people with a martyr
complex.

So I don't know if I should meet with Fr George and discuss it all face-toface. By this point, it's been enough time in between where I probably
could talk about it without a drink. But how will he react? One reason I
keep quiet about it is because people will either assume that I'm fishing for
pity or that I must have been in the wrong. I've quit questioning my
motivations, as that always raises more questions than answers. But I try
to avoid self-pity, as it's a wasteful emotion. Like I said, tears don't solve
problems. Neither does worrying.

And even if he doesn't use it against me, will anything be gained? It won't
solve the problem. It likely won't make it hurt worse.

So what do you think I should do? I realize your answer isn't "bottle it up
and keep drinking". Should I arrange a meeting with Fr George next
week? Should I wait a few months and see what he's like? Should I just

!339

avoid it with him altogether? Should I ever do anything with it, or should I
just try to forget like I do with everything?

I mean, if you can't forgive, it's best to try to forget. I've found this with
my family. I've tried everything possible to quit being bitter, but none of it
has ever worked. So I try to not dwell on it. But can you really forget?

!340

Additions
Copyright 2016 by Blair Naso
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
This publication may be reproduced, distributed, and reprinted
royalty-free so long as no essential change is made to the authors
intention.

The following are extra things. The first are things I mostly wrote
after retiring from the Manosphere. After that will be things of a
Christian nature I wrote, most of which were before I came across
the Manosphere. They generally reflect the developing but
immature worldview of a young man, though I feel that way about
most of my Manosphere writings as well. I have started with the
best writings and have gradually worked my way down to the
bottom.

!341

Thanksgiving
Thanksgiving was nothing short of awkward. James Mullin
sat at dinner table with his new Filipina wife Marisol freshly flown
over and now the both of them driven two hours out into the country
to stare at his mother across the table. He made a point not to look
at the man she was with. There was not much thanks to be given,
he felt. The other man -- her new boyfriend -- sensed this and
excused himself to go to the bathroom.
"Mother, this is ridiculous," said James.
"Marisol seems like such a nice girl."
"Don't deflect."
"It's so nice to finally meet you, dear."
"You're not getting out of this."
"You're being a hypocrite. You married someone who isn't
white. And you're young enough to still have kids. He and I are
much to old to have any little mocachino babies."
"Marisol is college-educated and traditional-minded. Your
African-American fancy new boyfriend is a ghetto thug."
"Don't be racist. He's a car mechanic."
"First off, if you had told me before I arrived that you were
mudsharking, I wouldn't have the same very understandable shock.
Second, I'm not being racist. He's a degenerate. He's isn't the
hardworking educated kind at all."
"You don't know that. Don't be so prejudice based on
appearance."
!342

"Mother, he has a tattoo on his neck that says 'Only God can
judge me'!"
"That was from 20 years ago, and you can barely see it
anymore. He's changed."
"Yeah, but it's a socio-economic thing. He isn't educated like
us. I can't imagine what you have in common."
"So if he was an accountant, you'd be okay with it? You'd be
okay with me sleeping with a black man if he was an accountant?"
"Well, I mean, I don't..." His voice trailed off.
"See, dear? You are a racist."
"No, I'm not, and it doesn't matter. This man is disgusting.
He's going to rob us."
At that moment, they heard the bathroom door down the hall
open and quickly dropped the conversation. They sat in silence
until the older man returned. Marisol was the first to speak up.
"James tells me that everyone here has a machine that
washes clothes for them!" Her voice was filled with radiant awe.
"Yes, sweetie," said her new mother-in-law.
"Even the poor people. Nobody washes them by hand."
"I know. Technology is great. I don't even know how I would
do it by hand." At this the girl's eyes grew even wider.
"What's Los Angeles like? I want to go so badly."
James spoke before his mother could.
"It's a degenerate wasteland."
"What does 'degie neerite' mean?"

!343

"'Immoral'. LA is filled with criminals. The air is unbreathable.

The women hate men and hate themselves."
"Yeah, but I bet it's not that bad," replied the starry-eyed girl
in defiance. "There's movie stars and surfing."
The black man said almost nothing the whole meal, likely in
an effort to not exacerbate the obvious unspoken tension. James's
mother eased the tension by asking Marisol about her home
country, although the girl's English was just short of understanding
the nuances of American conversation.
"What's your family like, sweetie?"
"James and I. I believe in big family."
Shortly after finishing, James told them that he had to look
over some numbers for work. Marisol protested that she would like
to stay, but he insisted that they did not have the time. His mother
forced a hug onto him. Her boyfriend shook his hand, and James
did his best to fake a smile.
"Do you want to go to the ballet?" James asked Marisol as
they pulled out of the driveway. "They're doing S The Nutcracker
again. They do it every year. It's pretty decent for a city of this size."
"What's The Nutcracker?"
"A ballet is a show where you watch people dance to
classical music with an orchestra. It usually tells a story, but there
are no words, so they explain it on the piece of paper they give you.
The Nutcracker is about a magic nutcracker, which is a wooden doll
designed to crack nuts to eat, that is transformed into a prince. The

!344

first half is really good, but the second part is kind of boring and
hard to understand."
"Oh sure. Whatever you want. It sounds interesting."
"I mean, if you think it's boring, we don't have to go."
"No, no, I'll go. If you want to, then I'm sure it's an excellent
show."
"Alright. I'll order the tickets."
"I love you so much."
"I love you too."

!345

Taking a chance on Father Seraphim's floor,

May God protect me from spills,
Since I guess I shouldn't slip,
Given how much I have going for me.
God, It's been three months,
And though I've been doing well,
I guess it's time to return.
Kings, here I come.
Time to return to the Manosphere.
People never truly change.
Did I really think I could quit?
It's like changing a plumbing flange.
Haha. Plumbing pun. Haha.

!346

Well, let's raise a toast to that old train,

The old Jackson liner,
Held like stone wall.
Ain't see nothing finer.
Well, let's raise a toast to that old train.
They tried to knock her down for years.
But they finally got her old glory down,
And look what we have here.
Chorus:
That old train pushed through in the 1750s,
And then she barreled through Tripoli.
And she held her own at New Orleans,
But at Vicksburg they finally won.
And they took her down at Jackson,
And they took her down at Atlanta,
And they took her down under the Johnsons,
And they took her down under Obama,
And they took her down in the schools,
And they took her down in the capitols.
And they took her down in the churches,
And they took her down from the flag poles.
They call it a lost cause,
Well they might be right.
And they call it a noble cause,
Well, and they say it was an unfair fight.
And they say we deserved what we got,
But I don't think two wrongs make a right.
But if you need to feel good about yourself,
Do what is good in your sight.
Now I haven't been to Yale,
And I haven't been to Harvard.
And that's cause for another toast,
So let's open another bottle.
And when the band breaks up,
I think we'd be alright,
!347

[cont.]
They've since voted away their guns,
So I doubt they'd want to try.
So let's raise a toast for that old train.
She didn't run in vain.
But I'm told I'm too young to remember.
So let's have one more and forget her.
Let's down one more whiskey
And throw the glass into the fireplace.
We'll make a new train,
And we'll adorn her with every grace.

!348

I'd drown you in the bathtub.

I'd let you know my love.
I'd spare you this pain you're feeling.
This pain of living with me.
Now you know it's over.
So let's act sober.
You can't bring yourself to leave,
But you can't be happy with me.

!349

Why is being drunk viewed as a disability?

It think it's a superpower.
I can jump through time.
I can see the future,
Almost before it even happens.
I hasten the flow of time so fastly,
You might as well call me a god.
Goddamn, I feel alive.
Nothing else cures the necrosity.
It's dead. I'm dead.
Is antying not.
A nation of zombies.
A nation of Jesuses.
Run wild, Don't care.
I still miss you,
Half a dozen girls who flaked.
I want you to at least say maybe.
Come on, try to be my baby.
At least say baby.
Be my, be my maybe.
Sandman is coming on his way.
Let's run until we find a new day.

!350

Did you ever see the mountains of Tennessee?

Did you ever take a drink from the waters of the Smokies?
And though they've got the finest booze south of Kentucky,
I still miss Mississippi.
[Chorus]
I miss Mississippi.
From state street to Pelahatchie.
Yazoo City feels like home to me
Because that's how much I miss Mississippi.
The yellow grass year-round makes my head swirl
Down to the rising swamps of the Pearl.
And though it's missing Gatlinburg's mountain taffy.
I can't help but miss Mississippi.
From the empty plains of Tunica
To the reservation at Philadelphia
To the shores of Vicksburg and Biloxi
You can find culture in Mississippi.

!351

Until I Die
D F#m G Gm (x2)
V) Will you be here in the morning
If I lie all night waiting?
Will I keep my promises
If I feel I can keep you from flaking?
If I feel I can trust you,
And if I feel like you can trust me,
And if I feel like you'll show me love,
And if I feel like hoping?
D F#m G Gm (x2)
C) Will you love me until I die?
And at my funeral will you cry
When I'm finally laid to rest
After years of illness.
Em Bm G Gm (x2)
Will you love me when all that's left
Is my frailty and neediness?
Could I depend on you by my side
Until the day I finally die?
A A7
Until I die.
V) If I hold you just a little tighter,
If I show something mightier,
If I make you laugh with mirth or
If make your confidence sink further,
Then could I hold onto you for good?
Would you stay with me in the bad times.
In the rock where I need you to have stood,
!352

Can I believe my own lies?

Outro) D
F#m
Will you love me until I die?
G
Gm
Will you love me until I die?
(repeat until fans get tired)

!353

Grandpa's gone to hell last week

Very fast. Traditional "one and five bass" country rhythm.
Alternate chords twice per verse, switch sets every other verse
G

B7

Grandpa's gone to hell last week.

We laid him in the dirt.
Grandpa's gone to hell last week.
He's sunk down in the earth.
Well they spoke well in the eulogy.
But we saw how he lived.
They said some pretty words about Bill.
But we saw how he sinned.
Grandpa's gone to hell last week.
No matter what the preacher said.
He spoke well of him in the eulogy.
But we all saw how he lived.
He'd get drunk and hit his kids.
And he spoke cruel to his wife.
He'd shoot cocaine in a bar.
And he'd shoot a gun at another's life
Grandpa's gone to hell last week.
We laid him in the dirt.
Grandpa's gone to hell last week.
He's sunk down in the earth.
Instrumental

!354

Grandpa's gone to hell last week.

We laid him in the dirt.
Grandpa's gone to hell last week.
He's sunk down in the earth.
Everybody tried to warn him
But he never liked to listen
He swore til his dying day
Raisin' hell would be his way
Grandpa's gone to hell last week.
No matter what the preacher said.
He spoke well of him in the eulogy.
But we all saw how he lived.
Repeat first chord pattern instrumental until end.

!355

Bayou Song
[Jagged Led Zeppelin strumming pattern - bar chords]
C
F
C
Eb F
Stuck in Louisiana
How I hate this place.
Stuck on the Bayou,
I know the Devil has his reign.
Stranded in Nowhere,
Stranded all alone.
Wish there was even a bus
That could take me home.
[Chorus - bar chords]
G
Down on the Bayou,
F
Mama, you were right.
[regular pattern]
You tried to warn me
This ain't no paradise.

[pause]

Wish I hadn't made that deal.

Wish I had listened to my kin.
Should have been a simple man,
Should have been simple again.
I shouldn't have taken up the piano.
I shouldn't have learned to rock and roll.
I could have been safe in my bed.
I could have hid away at home.

[Bridge - open chords - straight strumming]

C
I hate Voodoo
Bb
I hate jazz
A
!356

I hate creole
G
I hate the fads
[repeat bridge chord pattern]
And I hate the Saints,
And I hate the sinners,
And I hate mustaches
And I hate the dinners.
And I hate the air
And I hate the Fleur de lis
And I hate the politics
And I hate the parties
And I hate the old mansins
And I hate the small towns
And I hate the insects
And I hate the sounds
[Repeat first half of V1 and second half of V2; Chorus, ad lib outro of last
line of Chorus]

!357

Possible Wedding Speech

Fornication such as this -- Forgive me. I meant to say, For an

occasion such as this, a quote from an ancient philosopher comes
to mind. "The best two days of a woman are the day she marries
and the day she dies." However, some scribes have either
confused a genitive for an accusative, or perhaps it was originally
an accusative and then miswritten as a genitive, but whichever the
case may be, about half of our manuscripts say, "The best two days
with a woman are the day she marries and the day she dies."
Today is the day we begin to fall in love. For so far we have
only been deeply infatuated. A committed infatuation, certainly, but
equally certainly not love. And whereas many look forward to the
early years of warm affection, frequent sex, small servient gestures,
doting speech, and other patronages of the endless courtship, I
look forward to the difficult years. For as the Proverbist writes,
"Love covers a multitude of transgressions," and undeniably, you
cannot truly love someone until they have hurt you deeply, for it is in
those hurtful times that you learn who the person really is, and you

!358

must make a decision. To quote Bob Marley, "The truth is, everyone
is going to hurt you. You just have to decide who is worth suffering
for." And when we will come through those difficult times, not only
will we know each other deeper, but we will know each other on a
level which no one else has before, and that, my friends, is love.
But I do not mean to put my bride in a bad light, for my
mother can assure you that I am a very difficult person to live with.
[Name] ... [list virtues]
She is the model of femininity. The rare 1st Peter 3 kind of
woman. And wisely, I have sought to secure her for myself while I
am young before better and more patient men are able. Yes, I have
used all my pretentious alpha male charms to beguile her. Foolish
woman, the priest has said the words, and you are trapped by a
literal Act of God. But count it all joy, my dear, so that the sincerity
of your faith, your faith which is more precious than gold perishable
through fire, that this faith may be refined and made genuine to the
praise and glory and honor at the Revelation of Jesus Christ. May
our marriage make you not happy but holy.

!359

But to balance out this speech again, allow me to extol my

own virtues. For the most feminine women are won by the most
masculine men, and I myself have studied carefully the skill of
masculinity so that I can best win a woman, keep a woman, and
pleasure a woman. Here are the things that she loves about me,
most of which I have learned as an adult. Take heed, young
adolescents, as though you were writing down a prescription to
avoid a dread disease. And take heed, those who are aging and
sexless, for I shall cure you of your maladies. Listen to the
physician. For the St Paul condemns the effeminate men, but I shall
teach you to Tame the Shrew. [list virtues]
Yes, I am the examplum gratiae of what women want. I am
the incarnation of Disney's Gaston. I am not a limp-wristed Prince
Charming come to rescue her from a tower, nor am I a Prince Eric
who only desires a woman that never speaks, nor am I a highpitched Aladdin with no elegance or financial prospects. No, I am
the kind of man Disney draws a beard on!
So to conclude

!360

The following I wrote and submitted to various publications under

my real name about a year after quitting ROK. None of them
accepted it, though I did not submit it to ROK because I wanted it in
something more widely read like Thought Catalog. For those of you
who have read this much so far, I will reward your loyalty by leaving
my name unedited. It represents a closer picture of my real views
on sexuality that I could never quite publish for ROKs hedonist
demographic.
Five Reasons You Should Hate Homosexuals
By Austin Martin
Like many Christians, I have an inherent guilt complex. I want to
prove to the world that we are not all hypocrites. And the more
Christians are accused of hating gay people, the more Christians
react with "Love the sinner, not the sin." I used to have this softball
stance of "Gays are just looking for love in the wrong place" and
"We all buy into lies about sin." I would have made a charming
Methodist pastor, I'm sure. But the older I get (and I'm not very old),
the less things matter, and so I am no longer concerned about
virtue-signaling to myself.
The definition of "hatred" is for another forum, but suffice it to say
that I hate homosexuals in much the same way that God hated
Esau. I am not homophobic, because I do not fear homosexuals.
It's not like they are going to steal my wallet. No, I hate
homosexuals, because they are a cancer on society. The notion of
"someone else's sex life doesn't affect other people" is a complete
lie. Homosexuality erodes away at all of society, and here is why.
1. Homosexuals Reduce Sex To Masturbation
Many people forget that oral sex is a homoerotic action. A hundred
years ago, all of Christianity taught that it was a sin even between
!361

married couples, and very few straight couples could even consider
performing it. The 1972 pornographic classic Deep Throat brought
oral sex to American society, and Bill Clinton brought it into your
living room. Still today a lot of elderly men have never had oral sex
with their wives, because that wasn't a thing in most of America
when they were young.
Sexual intercourse should be something unifying between a man
and a woman who want to pour themselves into each other. That's
why it's called "making love". Homosexuals set a standard that it's
just about "getting off". And so today you have straight men who
have anal sex with women and claim it's completely normal. You
have whips, gags, pizza man costumes, and all kinds of trash. We
have over-extended our sexual imagination to the point where we
cannot orgasm through just sex. If this were normal, then the
human race would have never bred itself into our time. But today it
is so common that we forget just how diseased of a society we are,
much how the malnourished in third world countries have no idea
how short they are until they immigrate to America and their
children grow an extra twelve inches.
Activists say that until 2003, anti-sodomy laws made the
homosexual orientation illegal. But actually, it just made the deviant
sex itself legal, not the inclinations. The laws often made things
illegal between husbands and wives illegal. For example, until
2003, a man could not legally get a blow job from his wife in the
State of Mississippi.
Homosexual sex does not lead to children like regular sexual
intercourse (at least until modern birth control). Your body parts are
designed to be used in certain ways. When we divorce sex from
consequences, we lose our check valve on hedonism. Without
!362

sexual morality, there is no family. And without families, there is no

society.
2. Homosexuals Ruin Gender Norms
If I were an atheist, my views on homosexuality would not shift
much. I am a man. I have certain needs emotion, physical, etc.
that can only be met through a woman's femininity. And likewise, I
have a need to give my masculinity to a woman to meet her needs.
And the inverse is also true, that women have a need to receive
masculinity and to give their femininity.
Homosexuals trample all over that. It is no coincidence that
homosexuality began to wax when feminists began to demand that
gender is all a social construct. If gender is only optional, then there
is no reason for homosexuality to be morally wrong either to society
or to the individual practitioner. But because I believe men and
women are inherently different, I cannot condone homosexuality.
St. Paul was right when he said that sexual sin is a sin against
one's self.
3. Homosexuals Hypocritically Distort Love
For homosexuals, love is just middle school infatuation. There is no
commitment. This is why so many of them leave their spouses of
the opposite sex to pursue relations with the same sex. How many
woman have been abandoned by men who want to play makebelieve sex, often with a string of random hook-ups? How many
families have been shattered into weekend guardians?
And yet homosexuals call this love. Divorce is always selfish no
matter what the reason. Children of divorce always grow up to be
!363

dysfunctional adults in some capacity. A child needs a masculine

father and a feminine mother.
4. Homosexuals Are Bullies
There are enough news stories cycling around that I do not need to
elaborate on this. Homosexuals fought for the right to dance nearnaked in a parade. They fought for the right to destroy the careers
of people who disagree with them and have society condone it.
They fought for the right to sue the redneck in court and malign him
in academia.
Some people call this fascism, but I think that's a vague term
specific to a certain time and place. I call it bullying. Homosexuals
are like the kids on the playground who kick sand at the other
students and then run crying to the teacher when the other students
insult them. Someone needs to punch them on the nose and make
them shut up.
5. Homosexuals Are Tax Parasites
Homosexual men collect HIV like a membership badge, knowing
that the government will subsidize the expensive medicine needed
to treat it. But nature always finds a way, and drug-resistant strains
of HIV are developing.
This is self-hatred. A homosexual seeks out a deadly disease
because deep down in his black little heart, he wants to destroy
himself. The only thing more self-degrading than having someone
womanize you by turning your ass into a vagina is getting feces all
over your dick. Normally in society we try to keep our genitals

!364

clean. But in mutual masturbation, all norms go out the window if an

orgasm can be achieved.
And so they live on our already over-burdened healthcare system.
And when they are too sick to work, they go on disability. And when
they have no children to take care of them in old age, they get
welfare and food stamps.
Conclusion
Homosexuals are not looking for love in the wrong places, because
they are not looking for love. They are looking for destruction. They
hate themselves, and they hate those around them. Yes, I know
many homosexuals have long term relationships and friendships
they care deeply about. So did Kurt Cobain, Heath Ledger, and
Ernest Hemingway.

***********
Austin Martin is a stereotypical Christian man from East Tennessee.
Being born in the millennial generation, both before and after the
publishing of this article he had very few job prospects beyond blue
collar work.

!365

Originally I submitted two articles to ROK within a couple hours of

each other. Only the second was published, Why I Quit Going To
Your Church. By the way, in that article, it was supposed to say
Your Jesus is a fag, and the editor changed it to pussy. But the
word pussy doesnt mean the same thing as fag at all, any more
than purple means the same thing as magenta, to reference
John Mayer.
The first article was rejected for obvious reasons. For the first time,
I have made it available below. I have used elements of it in other
articles since that time. Obviously, I am not condoning or
encouraging pedophilia.

Concerning the Universality of Homoeroticism

By Blair Naso

The other day I was talking to a friend about my views on

gender issues. Since he's a vocal feminist, I didn't lay it all on quite
as thick as I would to, say, my younger brother. One point I made
was, "If something has been done in almost every society
throughout all human history, that doesn't necessary make it right or
good, but it does make it worth considering." Humanity doesn't
operate in a consistent way without there being some underlying
truth to it.
!366

He asked, "What about pedophilia?" Pedophilia has been a

global tradition of sorts and has even been celebrated in some
cultures. Both he and I would agree that sex with children is
immoral, but I would argue that if it has been present everywhere,
there must be something about it that speaks about humanity.
For the sake of the argument, let's define pedophilia as sex
with an actual child instead of sex with a teenage model. And since
we're talking about fundamental realities instead of the choices
influenced by them, let's define pedophilia as thoughts about a child
instead of sex with a child.
Suppose you're in college. There's a girl in your class who is
so hot. You want to ask her out, but you aren't sure of yourself, and
you don't know what you would say, and what if she has a
boyfriend, and you couldn't handle rejection, so you decide not to
do anything. With each passing day, you continue to desire her no
matter how hard you try not to think about it. Eventually the term
ends, and you never see her again. Although you chose not to have
sex with her, you could not help your attraction to her. Barring rape,
sex is always a choice, but attraction can vary.

!367

The gay rights militia insists that people all throughout

history have had homoerotic inclinations, but they seem reluctant to
say what that looked like. Suppose you're a man in the 19th century
who begins having lustful thoughts about other men. Everything in
society tells you this is perverse and immoral. So how would you
react to these thoughts? Obviously, you'd be horrified and try to bar
them out of your mind. To counter them, you'd try your best to lead
a normal life which would be deemed healthy by contemporary
standards -- in this case, monogamy with a woman, even if it
ultimately made you miserable. You wouldn't find the nonexistent
secret gay club in a basement somewhere the leftists insist has
always existed. The reality is that human sexuality is a lot more
malleable than we want to claim it is (more on that below).
Homoeroticism back then is what pedophilia is today. What
would you do if you suddenly had a pedophiliac thought? Most
people would be horrified at it and try to scrub it from their
memories. It takes a special kind of mental illness to think that
child-sex could be a good idea. All this means that there are a lot
more dormant pedophiles around than you realize (Yes, I just

!368

ruined your day). Look around you the next time you're in a
crowded room and try to guess. Your best friend, your boss, your
wife. Again, I'm not saying that these people would actually molest
a child but that they've merely had a sexual thought about children,
even if only in passing. Even a Catholic priest has a lot of
opportunities to get laid that don't involve children (i.e. go to a bar in
the next county).
I was a Classics major in college. The aristocratic Athenians
had a form of pedophilia called pederasty. A boy would be given
over to another man to be tutored and taught "how to be a man".
Once he reached puberty, the relationship would cease.
Again, suppose you are in this situation. You're an
aristocratic man, and your best friend comes to you asking for you
to tutor his child. It's easy to think we're all independent thinkers
who would believe and act the same in any time and place. So for
the sake of the argument, assume you'd decline. He'd ask why, and
you'd give the following answers:
"It's not good for the child's development." But he would argue,
"Everyone knows it's good for the child's development, and since

!369

Athenians are the greatest race on earth, then of course we're

right. I want you to teach my boy how to be a man, and I want you
to teach him about human sexuality." What would you even say to
that? It's not like you could point to scientific studies, and even if
you could, they'd all be biased towards the popular opinion.
"I'm not attracted to children." The idea of sexual orientation didn't
exist. He would just tell you to get over it and quit being selfish.
"It's a Kantian absolute." Based on what? The idea of inherent
morality means that everyone would believe it on some level, but
in this case, everyone around you would disagree with it.
After your weak arguments, his boy would start crying and
ask if it was because he was too fat or cowardly or other nonmasculine characteristics boys get obsessed over. Now you've
made a child cry because you've refused to molest him, and some
part of you would feel guilty. Actually, that wouldn't even be
molestation in the truest sense of the word. (For the record, you
should still definitely not have sex with the child. I'm just saying that
you would anyway.)

!370

Then in a few years, you'd have your own son who's come of
pederastic age. And you decide you don't want him to be
sodomized. What would your wife say? "Don't you want what's best
for our child? I don't want my son to be a freak and an outcast. All
his friends will be tutored, and he's going to feel like he's missing
out on something. Not only will he grow up to be a coward, but he'll
resent us for not giving him the best life possible!" You'd be like my
fundamentalist parents who didn't let me read Harry Potter or go
trick-or-treating.
The reality is that if you lived in ancient Athens, and if you
were wealthy, you'd have sex with children. Yes, you the individual
reader. And even if you didn't enjoy it, it would make you feel like a
good person, and it would earn the affirmation of your peers.
Read Plato's Symposium. You'll be amazed at how rational
their arguments are, no matter how much you ultimately disagree
with them.
Notice what I said about the wealthy. Strange how all the
wealthy Athenian men were homoerotic but few of the poor were.
Did they just have different genes? No, the classist homoeroticism

!371

of ancient Athens shows us the same thing as the proliferation

today of homoeroticism in prison or the fact that most lesbians have
had sex with men: human sexuality is malleable.
Even if there is a biological compulsion, there is no strong
evidence to suggest that that's the case in every homoeroticist or
that it is only a biological element. And if homoeroticism can be
triggered, then it can be treated. No, I'm not suggesting the "pray
away the gay and watch porn" camps. The method of how it should
be treated is a question I'll leave to greater minds than myself, but
the reality remains that all evidence shows that homoeroticism is
influenced by outside forces.
It's funny how quickly homoeroticism has grown as soon as it
became dogma that there is no fundamental difference between
men and women. Strange correlation how suddenly so many
people are "waking up to my sexuality". My leftist and gay friends
are shocked when I tell them that even if I were an atheist, my
opinion on homoeroticism wouldn't shift much. I don't need the
Bible to tell me how unhealthy that is mentally, emotionally, and
physically because it's so obvious. Again, this proliferation all goes

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back to the belief that men and women are fundamentally the
same.
All actions have repercussions, all words have connotations,
and all beliefs have consequences. Ideas do not exist in a vacuum;
they have legs, and they go places.
A final word on diction. Until less than 200 years ago, the
word "homosexual" didn't exist, because there was no concept of
sexual identity. Notice that the anti-gay laws were actually antisodomy laws. Maybe homoeroticism isn't a choice, but again, sex
always is. Because all the GLBT words, including whatever letters
then constantly add to it, are all statements of ontology, I think we
red pill men should cease using the words. So instead of
"homosexual", I have used the word "homoeroticist" above, which is
more a statement of desire and action than it is of personhood.
Words like "gay" and "gender" should only be used if necessary.

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This next piece is my final piece of a Manosphere genre. A few

weeks before I began writing for ROK, as I was preparing to leave
for law school, I wrote a pick up guide for my younger brother.
There are certainly much better resources available in the
Manosphere (and certainly much worse), but I am submitting this
for the readers interest, with minimal editing for anonymity.

How To Win a Woman, Keep a Woman, and Pleasure a Woman

A Guide for a Younger Brother
By Austin Martin
As you know, our father is a steer, a castrated beta-male who does
what he's told in exchange for the right to live in his own house. As
an adult, it's really depressing for me to watch it unfold.
[Stepmother] has his balls in a jar on the nightstand. This means
that you, P, don't have a good adult role model to teach you how
to relate to the opposite sex. Both of your parents burned through
two marriages, and if you approach relationships like they do, then
the same thing will happen to you. If so many American marriages
end in divorce, then you should approach relationships very

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differently than society or church tells you to. I'm here to do that for
you. J is young and generally inert, and B has always been in
some kind of identity crisis, so there is no one else to guide you.
You literally have no better option. Listen to what I say, and discern
for yourself how true it is. If you get bored, file it away and come
back in a few days. Pour through it several times. Keep it in your
backpack. Read it to your friends. Meditate on its teachings. Here
are my axioms:
1. They key to mastering the opposite sex is not to understand
women but to understand men. If you undertand what you are
and what you should be as a man, then you will understand the
way in which men and women "complete each other", as the
saying is. So look inside and search for what you really want and
need, not what the leftists and pastors command you to want and
need. You will notice below that I usually ask you a question after
telling you how to feel.

2.

Being an alpha-male is a choice, a skill, and a

discipline, but more than anything, it's a mindset, and the more you

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get into that mind, the more it becomes habitual.

3.

What turns women on more than anything is

confidence. A woman wants to be led, whether she admits it or not.

Some women assume that men find confidence sexy, and some
men assume that they themselves find confidence sexy because
that's what they've always been told, but be honest: Out of all the
confident women you have ever met, how many of them had a
bitchy smile? And how many were just faking confidence? A
confident woman is at heart still a scared little girl in a forest.

4.

If a woman says she is a Strong, Independent

WomanTM with confidence and ambition, dump her. Otherwise, it's

like dating a dude. You're a man, and it's your job to be strong,
independent, confident and ambitious. Maybe empowered women
have a place in society, but they aren't going to cook you dinner
and make sure you have clean sheets. What do you want more: a
woman with dreams, or a woman who helps your dreams happen?

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Live your best life.

5.

A woman thinks she knows what she wants, like

wealth, a career, a family, et cetera, but what she really wants is to

feel valued. If you make her feel valuable and important, everything
that isn't you will become peripheral. You must tame the shrew.

6.

If she walks like a bitch, talks like a bitch, and howls

like a bitch, don't believe her when she claims to have a "nice
personality" and a "body perfectly crafted for a special kind of man"
with "chemistry, should the right partner come along".

7.

There are a few old-fashioned girls left in America, but

unfortunately, most of them are rednecks. A girl from New York City
can't fry a chicken or sew a button. However, a woman's
intelligence is like a man's ability to dance: it's nice to have, but it
really doesn't matter. If you can learn to like country-pop music,
hunting, and mudding, then find yourself a Whitwell, Tennessee

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beauty queen.

8.

There are many books in Western history by a man

teaching his new wife what he expects from her as a woman, most
notably Xenophon's Economics (the word "economy" in Greek
means "laws of the house"). I'm not suggesting you read these;
rather I want you to be aware that femininity is defined by its
relationship to masculinity.

9. If a woman wont act like a woman, then shell never let

you act like a man. It's better to break up sooner than get divorced
later.

10.Nothing turns me on like a lonely, apprehensive girl with selfesteem issues. You can call Disney princess movies a bad
influence all you want (and they often are), but there's a reason
they make so much money. Every woman at heart feels like little
Cinderella, passively waiting to be rescued and given a new
identity. Be her identity.

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11.The best child-bearing years for a woman are also her best
career-building years, so marry a girl under the age of 25, and
make sure she doesn't want a career. If she's already got kids, is
divorced, or has had a few too many sausage rides, find someone
else. You aren't responsible for other people's life mistakes. In the
adult world, sometimes people make bad decisions they can't take
back, and for these women, they can hope to get picked up later by
some beta-male who missed the boat early on. You, however, are
an alpha- male.
12. Whom you marry is not much a matter of "chemistry" or
personality types or "opposites attracting", this empty jargon people
use to replace character traits. Find a woman you enjoy being
around who has the basic value system as you. Infatuation is
temporary and often skipped.
13.How do you know if you are "in love", in the popular sense of the
word? When the "butterflies in your stomach" fade away (I hate that
term, but I haven't been able to find a better expression), you are in
love if you still want to be with them, not because of history, identity

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or finances, but just because you want to. You discover that you are
committed, even though you never made a conscious decision to.
14.The younger you marry, the better your wife will be. Like any
commodity, the best girls are taken first, so if you decide to
postpone it while you go through school or focus on Jesus or
whatever, you're going to marry a divorcee with a bastard. By the
time you're 30, you're scraping the dregs in the barrel. However,
marriage requires a lot of emotional maturity, so don't rush in.

15.If anyone over the age of 20 still buys into what society has
taught him about gender, then he is a sheep who deserves to be
led off a cliff. At the very least, you should realize by that age that
something is deeply wrong about the way society views gender,
even if you aren't sure what yet.
16.Getting a girlfriend is easy. You just ask girls out, and eventually
one of them says yes. And if it doesn't work out, then you move on,
because they make more of them.
17.They told you as a child that two people will come together if
they have the right chemistry. That is a lie. There is competition,

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and you have to be the best you can be to get the best results.
Consider Dad's job. Maybe his cemetery is the best option for a
client, but if another cemetery makes that sale first, then there is
nothing Dad can do about it.
18.You will never find everything you want in a girl. We all learn to
settle. The important thing is to learn what to settle for and what to
insist on.
19. After you've been dating for three months, you should have a
pretty good idea if this relationship will last. After a year, you should
know. If you've been dating for more than a year and you still aren't
sure if you two are compatible, then break up.
20.You shouldn't have sex before marriage, but if you do, wear a
condom. Seriously.
21.When you're on a date or in a new relationship, never talk about
past relationships, your best female friend, or any girl you're not
related to. It will only end badly.

22.Asking girls out is very difficult when you start, but the more you
practice, the easier it gets. No, harassing random girls in a coffee

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shop doesn't count as practice. Above all, look confident but not
smug when approaching a girl. Remember, every one of your
ancestors got laid. It's in your genes, so don't let them down!
23.If she's fat, wears too much make up, or has a bad hair job,
don't date her. Make sure you tell her why. You're doing her a
disservice to let her continue ruining her life. Nor do you deserve an
ugly girl. Take pride. The one exception should be if a girl is working
hard to fix her ugliness. Few girls are born ugly; rather, it's usually
something they do to themselves. If her tattoos can show, then
leave her to the betas. And a woman without exception always
looks better with long hair than with short.
24.Some people claim that a lot of cultures think obesity is
beautiful, but they're probably lying, and even if they aren't, you'll
notice that all the cultures they name are from remote undercultured corners of the world in bumblefuck nowhere. Regardless of
what some men may find attractive, you, Peyton, don't like fat girls,
and you know it. Don't let the feminists and the betas define for you
what you think is beautiful. Fat girls get IT engineers who complain
about George Lucas on internet forums. Leftists will call you

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"fatphobic", but you aren't afraid of fat girls; no, you consciously
reject them because you know that you are among the elite.
25.Eventually, your woman will have to choose whether she is more
loyal to you or to her biological family.

26.You cannot merely pray for the right girl to come into your life
and assume that God will deliver her if you're pious enough. You
have to go find her yourself. God helps those who help themselves.
Only beta-males and women wait for relationships and bathrooms.
27.Don't be ashamed to read advice books and articles about
relationships and sex. However, there is a lot of bad information out
there, so be discerning. In general, if a source give you a
saccharine PSA about being sensitive and equal, then it's garbage.
If a source sounds like a sexist Folgers ad from the 1950s, then it's
probably true. If you want a list of resources, ask me.
28.No one comes out of the womb being a master of relationships.
Mastering women is not an art but a skill, and it must be learned.
Be an artisan of women.

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29.Only ask a girl out once. If she says no, then move on. You may
think she's playing hard to get, but she isn't, and if she is, then
she's trying to be a dude.
30.Here's the way girls work: If a girl wants to be with a guy, she will
do anything and make up any reason to do so. If she likes him but
is unsure for some reason, she'll find any lame excuse. It's not
rational, so never try to convince a girl why she should go out with
you. Virtues are for show, not tell.
31. Androgyny is not a virtue but a vice. Avoid it all you can. A man
does not have a "feminine side". Nevertheless, don't be afraid to
watch ballet or listen to Taylor Swift. Men who have overlysimplified ideas of gender activities are insecure.

32. A real man is not afraid of his emotions. He does not deny
them, but he does not let them control him. He always seeks to be
in touch with his feelings, yet he knows when to hide them from
others or from himself. Women, on the other hand, are never in
touch with their emotions, and that is why you must lead them.

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33.What good is a beautiful woman and passionate sex if she

embarrases you with her harsh behavior in front of your friends?
34.Women are almost always indirect. They don't like to tell you
things straight up. This is why you can text with a girl for several
days, and she'll decide to quit and ignore yours, hoping you'll figure
it out after about a week. When you begin dating someone, after
about the second date, make it clear to her that she can never hint
or suggest things, because she'll only get frustrated and you'll only
get resentful. Weed this behavior out early.
35.Be the kind of person she associates feeling good about herself
around. You should be the good mood dude. That is what charisma
is about.
36.At sometime during your pursuit of a woman, you must appear
as though you've let down your barriers and are becoming
vulnerable, if only for a short time. This shouldn't be done until a
few weeks into the pursuit. Apologize for something, admit
foolishness, and say you want to be given a second chance (notice
the passive voice of the verb "to give"). These things may seem
submissive, but underlying it is the message, "I'm grounded enough

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in reality to know that I am not perfect, and I need you to help me

become all I can be." Her loins will froth. Women like confidence,
not arrogance. Carefully-placed humility will tell her that you are
comfortable with yourself. Also, giving her the opportunity to forgive
you will make her feel like a moral person, and she'll associate all
your future interactions with good feelings.
37.Why don't girls like nice guys? Because nice guys truly finish
last. I'm kind, empathetic, and a great listener, but I'm not nice.
38.If you do something aggressive, people will claim it's out of fear,
anger, or shame. Do not listen to them. Occasionally this is true, but
usually it is said by stupid people who need a cover-all insult. They
are like the little boy on a playground calling another boy a girl
because he can't run fast. There is no rhetoric or logic there, but he
knows that it will make him embarrassed. Furthermore, they never
explain why fear, anger, and shame are always bad?
39.When you get to know a girl, you should make it clear from the
beginning whether you want this to be romantic or platonic. She will
not likely let you change your mind, so send the correct signals
early on. Whichever you decide, commit to your decision, follow it

!386

all the way through, don't hesitate or hold back, and don't wallow in
regret if it doesn't work out.
40. A virgin isn't very good in bed, but only she has the opportunity
for you to be her only. Only a virgin can you take complete
possession of.
41.Why do girls like jerks? Because jerks exhibit masculinity, even if
errantly. Often words like "douche" are used as a blanket insult by
beta males and leftists, so don't take their attacks to heart.
42.If all your male friends tell you that your girlfriend is a bitch, then
they are probably right.

43.When you get a girl's phone number, wait a day or two, and then
call her for the first date. Do not text. I repeat, do not text a girl for
the first date. Do not say, "Let's hang out", but instead say, "Let's
get lunch." Avoid going out for coffee or fast food, but you may do
so if necessary. Make suggestions where to eat, but don't ask her
to pick a place or flavor. Don't spend a lot of money on the first
date. Ice cream is a good cheap first date. There are also a lot of
small-scale restaurants that have a good value. Don't waste money

!387

on a movie for a first date unless it's at the cheapo theater. Wear
nice jeans and a collared shirt, and use just enough perfume so
that her mind won't notice but her brain will. Early on, mention
offhand that you will pay for the meal, but say it like it's just
assumed (this is pretty tricky). Above all, she should know that it's a
date from the get-go and that you hope to get into her pants
eventually. Open doors and the like so as to let her know that you
are a man, you have the control, and you are here to make her feel
adored.
44.Dress nicely and groom, and she'll know that you expect the
same from her. In everything in life, you get out of something what
you put into it. If you half- ass your way through dating and do the
bare minimum, you'll going to get a bare minimum girl.
45.The girl you want to bang is not necessarily the girl you want to
spend your life with, and the guy she wants to show off to her
friends is not necessarily the guy she wants to give her children.
46.Almost everything your church told you about sexual intercourse
is exactly true, but you won't realize it for several more years.

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47.Being a male does not mean that you are a man.

48.If you neg too much, you're an asshole, but if you never neg at
all, you're an idiot.
49.The feminists and beta males claim that some men prefer
overweight women and are just afraid to break from what society
considers normal. But have you ever met someone like this? Were
you at a sleepover in seventh grade, and your best friend tells you
as you lie in the dark, "I'm going to be honest, nothing turns me on
like a woman whom you could use as a beanbag chair."? No, that
has never happened. Mild poofiness may be nice in a woman, but
nobody wants a fat girl, and if he did, no man is so autistic as to not
care what his friends think about his woman.
50.A woman can hide a lot of weight in a t-shirt. This is indeed a
problem. She can also accentuate her breasts with the proper bra.
Beauty with clothes does not equal beauty on the wedding night. If
she's wearing baggy clothing, then there's something baggy
underneath. Make sure you see a woman in a bikini before you
marry her, or at least ask her her weight. A girl may claim that that's

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private and rude, but she will probably expect you to have no
secrets ever.
51.You are under no obligation to share absolutely everything with
your wife. People are entitled to privacy as long as it's benign. If a
woman knows some secret about you (for example, if you watched
a woman get raped at a frat party and said nothing), she may break
up with you even though that was years ago and you're a different
person now. She will not be able to see you the same way, no
matter how much she wants to.
52.The best-behaved women are foreign women. They have very
different expectations from relationships than American women do.
Feminism has made it so that the only thing we need women for is
sex and babies; everything else can be gotten from your bros.
53.What a woman desires more than anything is adoration by a
man. However, if you give her adoration all the time, then you'll
appear weak and submissive. (That's exactly what happened with
[Father] and [Stepmother].) Go on a rewards versus punishment
system, and it should generally be both overt and subtle so as to
ingrain it into her unconscious. When she's a good woman, you

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shower her in adoration. "You look so sexy tonight. I love the

[specific feature in her get-up]." When she's a bad woman, you neg.
"You watch the dumbest tv shows." Sometimes, negative
reinforcement may involve ignoring her. Wait a couple hours in
between answering her texts, and it'll work in the back of her head.
54.When you compliment a girl, be specific. Avoid really bland
words like "lovely". But don't be creepy, like, "Nice [whatever it is
they put on their eyelashes]".
55.When trying to win a girl, it is important to have a plan. Do not
just do things on impulse, no matter how often it works in the
movies. However, do not plan too far ahead, and be constantly
adjusting your plan. Constantly seek the advice of friends and keep
them updated. Bros before hoes, as is the saying. A true friend will
help you be the best man you can be.
56.In movies, the cute guy is awkward, but in real life,
awkwardness is a big turn off to a woman. Perhaps there is a kind
of "cute awkwardness", but even if it does exist, it is difficult to pull
off. You should not "be in awe" of her; rather, you should make her
be in awe of you. Again, though, don't be smug.

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57.If you spoil your woman, she'll act like a child. Someone has to
be the man in the relationship, and if it's not you, then it will be her,
and she will resent you for it. This is why [Father] and
[Stepmothers] marriage is dead.
58.Gender is a product of biology, not of society. Some superficial
things are certainly a product of society, but at heart gender has
always been the same in every society ever.
59. To quote Uncle Jeff, "Don't marry a bitch."
60.Sometimes it's even best to neg, ignore or disagree without any
provocation. You don't want to spoil her, and you don't want to look
saccharine. If you agree with everything a woman says in order to
impress her, then you're weak, insecure, and submissive, and she
won't like you. When getting to know her, it's important to disagree
with her every once in a while, even if you secretly don't. Make sure
she thinks you're independent.
61.Women can pick up on a man's insecurity just as keenly as men
can pick up on a woman's ugliness. However, she'll give you points
if she sees you're trying.

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62.There is more to a woman than beauty, whether that be inner

beauty or outer beauty. Be discerning. A woman may be fun to be
around, but she may be a cunt to live with.
63.A real man confronts issues head on while still maintaining selfcontrol. This includes how you relate to everyone at school, church,
work, and home. Golden moderation is the key to everything in life.
64.With some temporary exceptions, if a man is dependent on his
wife's income, then he has failed as a man. Do not build your
marriage on 20th century Eurocentric liberalism. It has defined
every aspect of American society, and we are imploding because of
it. It may be harder to get a job where your wife can stay home, but
in the long run, you'll be glad of it. Do you want your small children
raised in a daycare watching tv all day and having little to no human
interaction?
65.For a woman, sex is as much a mental thing as it is a physical
thing. Keep her in her place, and she'll come like Santa Claus.
Make her feel adored and protected.
66.Whether in sex, at dinner, or on her birthday, women love to be
in anticipation. This is why they shop so much.

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67.If a woman talks trash about you to your kids, doesn't let you
see them, or lies about you in court, you are not morally obligated
to pay her child support. The state may force you, but don't feel like
a bad person if you find a way out of it. If she took everything you
had, you shouldn't feel obligated to be generous. What comes
around goes around.
68.Sirach 25: 20-22 (from the Apocrypha): As the climbing up a
sandy way is to the feet of the aged, so is a wife full of words to a
quiet man. Stumble not at the beauty of a woman, and desire her
not for pleasure. A woman, if she maintain [financially] her husband,
is full of anger, impudence, and much reproach.
69.If you sign a prenup, you are allowing divorce into the
conversation, into your minds, and ultimately into your plan. Don't
have an exit strategy if you don't plan on exiting.
70.If a woman buys you clothes or dresses you a certain way,
humor her. She may or may not have a better fashion sense than
you, but she certainly knows what she likes better.
71.A lot of what they will tell you at Church about relating towards
women is complete horseshit and unfounded in the Bible. This

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includes the movie Fireproof. Very few pastors, whether Orthodox,

Baptist, or otherwise, actually preach what the Word of God says
about men and women. Have you noticed how many more women
than men there are at every church you've ever been to? There is a
reason for that.
72.Generally, don't brag about how much of an alpha male you are.
Let your virtues be manifest. Like the smell of a flower, people will
notice it whether you are intend them to or not.
73.The woman should never be exceedingly more educated than
the man. How will she look to him? He will be like an ape to her.

74.Socio-economic differences in relationships are hard to

overcome. Han Solo and Princess Leia would have divorced a year
after the wedding. The same is true with age differences, especially
if the woman is older.
75.If a man is less than 51% in control of the relationship, it will fall
apart.
76.The fat girl says, "Men are pigs!" Ironic, no? "Where did the
good men go?" On to prettier women.

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77.Why don't they have finishing schools anymore? That's the best
way for a woman to attract a man. A woman who looks nice, cooks
well, and can entertain guests gets to choose whichever man she
wants. Call it sexist, but it's reality.
78.The male feminists will always hate those who get more girls
than them. Even if the other person holds the same ideology (he
doesn't), the beta male will call him a misogynist, a douche, or a
jock. They hope to put peer pressure on you to agree with them, but
you have no reason to want their approval. Do not apologize or
repent for your success, and do not make friends with those who
expect you to.
79.Each partner has to bring something to the table, often
something which the other is unable to adequately provide.
80.Naomi Wolf -- this feminist closet dyke -- talks about how the
most desirous woman is older and accomplished. Nothing could be
more delusional. An middle-aged woman cannot bear you children.
Right now you may not want kids, but as a living creature,
everything inside of you wants to continue the Martin name.
Furthermore, who gives a fuck if a woman is accomplished?

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Intelligence is very low on my list of things I want in a woman, and

really, it's uncomfortable when a woman is smarter than me.
81.If a woman is accomplished in the kitchen, all men and women
praise her, for it is becoming rare that people can cook from
scratch. But if a woman is a lawyer or a doctor, she is nothing
unique or rare.
82.The leftist says that feminism also frees men, that they can now
be whatever they want instead of conforming to a role. But do you
feel free? Do you feel like a "real man"? Can you even provide a
working definition of a "real man"? 83.We are the first generation
where masculinity is punished instead of valued. Do you feel valued
as a man, or do people see you as just a person?
84.If you quit your job to play video games and watch tv all day,
then and only then does your wife have the right to gain weight and
nag you.
85. What is more likely to give you an erection: A woman's college
degree and job title, or her titties?
86.You need charisma, and you need something going on. You
should either become good at French or good at guitar. Find

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something to entertain her. Learn to be funny. Become a wine

connoisseur. Women don't want the high- IQ engineer who works in
a cubicle. You're good at Lacrosse, yes? Do that for as long as you
possibly can, but sports will only get you so far. Learn a talent you
can impress her with. Take art lessons so you can paint or draw her
pictures. If you're completely talentless, learn to juggle.
87.The feminist says that women shouldn't do things to get
attention from men. She is like a salmon swimming upstream: she
can do it, but it will destroy her.

88.If a woman asks you a question about what you think of her,
either be dead honest or politely decline to answer. "Does this
dress make me look fat?" "Why would you ask me that? What do
you think I'm going to say?" If you don't, two things will happen.
First, you will feel used, and you won't be able to respect yourself.
Second, you will create an atmosphere of pretension.
89. A woman would be crazy to marry a man who has lived his
whole life alone. If you're past 40 and you've never lived with a
woman, it's probably not going to happen.

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90.A "Big Beautiful Woman" (BBW) is a contradiction in terms. It is

good for a woman to have a little weight, but people who claim to
be BBWs are always obese and ugly every time. Do not date a
woman who cannot be honest with herself.
91.If anything about a woman intimidates you, dump her whether it
is her fault or not. It will undermine your sense of leadership.
92.A man in a relationship should be careful not to get too close to
other women, especially if he is married. Anyone can fall into
temptation. If you want to date someone new, it would
hypothetically be better to break up first, because if you start a new
relationship through cheating, you'll never have a good foundation
to build upon.
93.A woman should always try to be beautiful for you. If she wears
sweatpants in public and doesn't comb her hair, then dump her.
Confidence in a man is equal to beauty in a woman. Just as you
should always be an alpha-male for her, she should always be
pretty for you. Remember, a woman's ugliness is usually a product
of her own neglect.
94.A guy can improve his appearance dramatically with only a little

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work. If you stay in shape, groom, and dress well, then women will
notice. It's not the highest priority on their list, but they still like a
good-looking man. It shows hard work and attention to detail, and
that is why "every girl crazy 'bout a sharp-dressed man". Outward
appearance is reflective of inward appearance. Even I know when
and how to dress like a boss. You should have seen me on Easter.
95.There is a correlation between inner beauty and outer beauty.
The stereotype of the "ugly girl who is nice so as to attract men"
and the "beautiful girl who is bitchy" is completely reverse.
Character traits do not exist in isolation. Just as food stamp
customers are the rudest in the grocery store, fugly girls are the
most vicious people you'll ever meet, since they've been crapped
on by society their whole lives. Pretty girls have always been loved,
and they are careful to preserve that affection. Remember, affection
is what a woman desires more than anything, and if she has been
denied it her whole life, it warps her soul.
96.If a woman insults you as some kind of mating ritual when you
first meet her, tell her off and walk away.

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97.Women love attention. Message her every day. People will judge
your intelligence by your grammar. I will judge your intelligence by
your grammar. People will forgive a few common mistakes, but
laziness makes you look stupid and...lazy. If you're trying to impress
a girl, don't write in text speak. It may take a couple more seconds
to write, "You are great" instead of "u r gr8", but it makes you look
like such a cut above everybody else.
98.If you have a falling out and the woman wants to get back
together, she will wait for you to take the initiative. This is your
responsibility as a man, assuming you still want to be with her.
99.Some girls think they have the right to act bitchy, but this is
because no man has every made them feel valuable. You'll even
here women say, "I'm Ms. Bitch". Their psyches have likely been so
warped that there is no saving them. Any woman who revels in her
faults deserves to live with the consequences of her faults.
100.When a woman asks, "How are you?", don't just say "Good."
Give a small detail about your day. "Good. I went to Taco Bell after
school."

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101.The feminists say, "You don't want a woman who'll just cook
and clean for you, do you?" But why wouldn't you want that?! They
only say this to absolve themselves of responsibility. They have
failed as women. You don't want to marry a failure, do you?
102.There is no such thing as unconditional love. Everything is
conditional, even if you can't see the conditions. Furthermore, if
love is a choice, then compulsory love like a mother feels is really
just chemicals.
103.If you let your bride keep her maiden name, then you should
chop off your balls, put them in a jar, and give them to her as a
wedding present. You should be preserving your name, not her
father's. Genesis 2:24, "For this reason a man ["anthropos" in
Greek, meaning gender-neutral human] shall LEAVE his father and
his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become ONE
flesh." (Greek doesn't have a common word for spouse.)
104.If someone says, "Man up", they are usually shaming you into
doing whatever they ask, regardless of whether it will benefit you.
105.If you fear a girl may be friend-zoning you, have a conversation
with her about it. Find out if she is. You can still be friends, but do

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not allow her to lead you on. A lot of girls do this so that they can
have the ego boost of a relationship without the actual relationship.
106.If a woman says no to sex, always stop. If she tells you that
she only said that because she has a rape fantasy, then leave. Do
not encourage this behavior, because it confuses men and may
cause them to accidentally rape another woman. Furthermore, she
could later claim in court that you did rape her. You may want to tell
all your mutual friends about her fetish, just to reinforce to her that it
is unacceptable to engage in a rape fantasy without prior
discussion. Do not underestimate the value of public shaming.
107.Never ever ever get a vasectomy, even if you decide not to
have children. It will destroy your self-image (again, see Dad for an
example).
108.You don't want a girl to merely want you; you want her to need
you. You want her to be dependent on you so that if you left, her
whole world would fall apart. If she merely wants you, then she can
dump you whenever something better comes along. However, you
should have her feel the opposite about you. "I need you" says that
you are dependent and hence weak. "I want you"

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says that she is special, unique, and desirable.

109.You should never share your strategy with a girl unless a long
time has passed and it no longer matters. Don't even tell her that
you have a strategy. Obviously, you'll look like an ass, but more
importantly, you'll kill the magic. Girls love magic. They love to be
dazzled and amazed.
110.There are few girls worth dating, but when you find one who is,
she's worth pursuing. However, know when to give up the chase.
111.A real man protects and provides for his family. Learn
everything you can about home maintenance. Just because a
woman can fix a water heater doesn't mean she should have to.
Most of what I know about maintenance comes from all the shitty
jobs I've worked.
112.The choices you make in your early adulthood will determine
the course of the rest of your life. Don't piss these years away so
that when you are older, you will be comfortable.
113.No matter how small, all actions have repercussions, all beliefs
have consequences, and all words have connotations.

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114.To quote Waylon Jennings, "The only two things in this life that
make it worth living/ Are guitars that tune good and firm-feeling
women." It's an over- simplification, but there's a truth in it.
115.Women always argue the person, not the issue. Let this be a
guiding light.
116.If you feel a homoerotic inclination, do not act upon it. You don't
need to be religious to see how physically, mentally, and
emotionally unhealthy that would be.
117.A woman may claim she wants a man to be her equal, but she
will loathe you if you give that to her.
118.You don't want a woman who is completely codependent.
These are high maintenance, and she will suck all your energy.
119.Never pay for internet dating. Only use the sites that have most
or all the services for free. Exaggerate your physical attributes
since women will do the same to you. Post pictures of you traveling.
120."Men are realizing that they dont want a butch, pantsuitwearing co-worker; they want a cute girl who will greet them with a
smile and a cup of coffee after a hard days work, who will be
supportive and nurturing instead of belligerent and sulky. Women

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are realizing that they dont want a sensitive, effeminate,

respectful herb; they want a dominant, assertive man who will
lead them and protect them from danger." -- Matt Forney, from the
article "Planet of Bitches". If you learn nothing else from me ever,
remember that quote, and base all your interactions with the
opposite sex around it.
121.Make your expectations known early. Address any potential
stumbling blocks early in the relationship.
122.With anything in life, you cannot be successful if you're
surrounded by losers. Surround yourself with the kind of people you
want to be like. A person is colored by his friends, so make friends
with people who are in good relationships.
123.Never make a new sexual decision when you are drunk.
124.If you only want to have sex with a girl, you are under no
obligation to keep your promise to call her back. She should know
better than to screw a guy she met at a bar or a party.
125.You can name people at school who are always able to get a
girlfriend soon after a break-up. Now name your male peers who
claim to be feminists or get offended at woman jokes. Do any of

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them overlap? The answer is almost certainly a no. Men adopt

feminism as a roundabout way of begging for sex. Male feminists
are so beta that they can only supplicate and only indirectly. You
may claim, "But Kurt Cobain was a feminist!" He was also a
celebrity, so he had the luxury of adopting whatever ideology fit his
ego best. Before he was famous, he was a loser in society.
126.A man's sense of his masculinity can be his greatest strength
or his greatest weakness. Be careful not to abuse it, and be careful
not to be abused by it.
127.If something has happened in almost every society throughout
all time, that does not make it good or correct or true, but it does
make it worth considering. Men have always dominated women.
It's, like, what we do.
128.The kind of girl you attract depends on where you look for her.
Just as trout are found only in certain streams, marriageable
women are only found in certain social settings (not necessarily
church). But if you only want a bar tramp to wet your cock, they
aren't hard to find.

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129.They say that there are many good things that women offer
which men have trouble conjuring up, and that you should cherish
these. That is an exaggeration. You don't need a woman to
function; you merely want one. Inversely, a woman cannot function
without a man to guide her.
130.The definition of rape is ever-expanding. Many now claim that
having sex with a drunk girl is rape. This is ridiculous, but the courts
are biased, so be careful.
131.Your common pop-feminist writer today is filled with bitterness
and derision. If their ideology does not make them happy, then why
should anyone adopt it?
132.If an underage girl ever sends you a picture of her titties, say,
"Damn, she looks good!" and hit delete right away. Do not show
your friends, and do not keep it in your phone, even for a few
minutes. Likewise, never send someone a nude picture of yourself
unless you are married to her.
133.Even if a girl decides she doesn't want to date you, she'll tell
her friends what she thinks about you. Girls love to gossip, so treat
each one right to build your reputation. If Sally thinks she might

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want to date you, she'll ask Janey what you were like at Cold
Stone.
134.Women will forgive a few mistakes if they are not made too
early. No one has perfect strategy.
135.Most or every alpha male has some beta characteristics. It's
not always a bad thing depending on the degree and the
characteristic.
136.If you're in the wrong, it's best to admit your mistake sooner
than later. Sometimes a woman will not let it go until she gets her
apology. Do not fake an apology, though, because that sets an
innovative expectation within the relationship.
137.Be calm, cool, and collected, even when you aren't. Anger and
worry are tools that should be used sparingly.
138.If a girl cheats on you, don't give her a second chance,
because you'll never be able to look at her the same way again.
139.Women always complain that they can't go anywhere without
men staring at their tits, but we can't go anywhere without women
staring at our wallets. A woman should have a nice rack, and a man
should have a comfortable income.

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140.If a woman is nervous on a first date, that's a good sign. She

should be trying to prove her value to you as though she were
dancing and twirling on a stage. Likewise, you demonstrate your
value through your confidence, your social skills, and your general
knowledge.
141.Be a little late to a first date. It'll make her anxious. If you're
early, you'll look submissive. Don't be too accommodating and
doting.
142.The woman thinks she has been oppressed throughout all of
history. There is some truth to this, but for whom did we fight all
those wars? It was so that we could have wealth to impress our
wives. This is exposited in the Apocrypha, in 1 Esdras 4.
143.Some women never take responsibility for their actions,
claiming that you are judgmental if you hold them accountable. Let
them die alone in a nursing home.
144.Sometime in the first date or two, touch her hand, arm, or
shoulder. Some girls may want to wait a while until you kiss or hold
her hand. Although you should time it, never ask her if it's okay.

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Just do it, and if she isn't ready, she'll let you know. The man should
always initiate the kisses in the beginning.
145.It's the small things that matter to a girl. Say, "I want to be with
you" instead of "I want you to be with me." You'd be amazed at
what a difference that makes. At Hopeline, I talked to a girl thinking
of breaking up with her boyfriend for this very reason.
146.Don't seem eager. She should think that there are plenty of
other eligible girls for you, but as it progresses, subtly make her
aware that you've chosen her and that you've connected in a way
that isn't possible with other girls.
147.When you take a girl in your car, play music that is good but
bland. Don't choose anything artistic or erotic. Keep it turned low
enough to be irrelevant but loud enough to hear.
148.The rule of society used to be "masculine males get feminine
females." Today this is a lie. Some say that it is good that gender
roles have become murky, but ask yourself: Do you want a
masculine girl? Does the word "gender-neutral" bring pretty pictures
to your mind?

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149.Do what you can to be on good terms with her family and
friends. You may not care, and her father may always hate you, but
it matters to her. More than anything, you need the approval of her
sisters and her best friend.
150.A woman always lies about her weight. When a woman tells
you she is thin, that means she is average. When she tells you she
is average, that means she is overweight. When she tells you she
could lose a few pounds or is curvy, that means she's a whale.
Some guys, like myself, don't necessarily want a magazine
photoshop woman, so we are easily deceived by women like this. I
wonder what would have happened had I met my curvy Skype
girlfriend last summer...
151.People will tell you that fat women were once the norm in
western art because they signified wealth. No, those were curvy
women, and they signified fertility and health. Fat women have
never been loved in the history of the world; they even despise
each other. Wealthy women may weigh more than poor women, but
they still have a husband and catty girlfriends to please. Find me a
renaissance painting of a nude obese woman as a sex symbol.

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152.God made your body a certain way. He carved out each feature
to look precise. Excess fat blurs all those lines and destroys your
uniqueness.
153.If your woman is beginning to pack on the weight, let her know.
She may leave you, but you shouldn't date a woman who is
negligent, lazy, and apathetic. But if she then makes an effort to
lose the weight, it may be a sign that she has the character traits
befitting a woman.

154.Women are egalitarian, and men are hierarchical. The sexes

will never understand each other, and there is no imperative for
them to. Respect the differences and complement each other how
you can.
155.Never date a feminist. How do you imagine that will turn out?
Of course, most girls assume that they are feminists because that
is what they are told to do, so discern for yourself whether or not
she is. You may be surprised.
156.Nobody, man or woman, should be or can be completely selfsacrificial. You have to take care of yourself. If you try to be

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completely selfless, you will hate yourself, you will hate everybody
around you, and you will hate all of life.
157.A woman wants you to "just be yourself" so that she can have
an advantage. Rather, reveal yourself gradually. We all have a front
stage and a back stage. Misrepresent a few small details in the
beginning and let them smooth over later. However, be careful
about the severity of the lies of omission you tell; every one of them
must be accounted for later if the relationship is to last.
158."Always express your emotions" is another lie that is told.
Rather, always ask yourself, "Where is this emotion leading me?"
This is good advice for life in general, not just relationships.
159.Work hard to earn a woman's respect, but if she doesn't give it
to you, dump her. Feminists want something for nothing.
160.Maybe it's okay for a woman to be a tomboy; I don't have a
problem with women liking sports. But if you can't find anything
about her demeanor that would conventionally be considered
feminine, then she's a dude. Don't date a dude. There should be
some quality about her that is lambasted by a fat bar tramp with a
blog.

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161.The feminist claims that women can do anything men can do,
but the reverse is true. Men can do anything women can do, and it
is women who need us to fill in their deficiencies.
162.Leftists claim that without women, men would fall into a
sluggish pit where it would be pizza, beer, and sports all day, that
there would be no beauty, order, or hygiene. Do not let them insult
you, do not let them lie to you, and do not let them tell you what you
can and cannot do. Why do they think women are the only ones
who know how to sweep a floor? In an effort to elevate women,
they reinforce the stereotypes they hate, except that this time the
stereotypes are even cruder caricatures than before.
163.If you come across a funny video or picture, send it to her. It
says, "I enjoyed this, and I thought you would too. I think about you
in the small, mundane things in life." It's the small things that make
her loins froth. Remember, she wants to feel valued and important.
164.If a woman thinks that she can beat you up because she lifts
weights and takes self-defense classes, then she's a fool and a
dude. With few exceptions, any man could rape and kill any woman

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he chose. They don't have the right body frame and musculature,
and that's why they need men to protect them.

165.Secularists will tell you that we are superficially a product of

nature and fundamentally a product of nurture. Does that not
contradict everything you have ever experienced?
166.A woman will always be led, if not by her husband or father,
then by the state, by society, by literature, by ideologues, by
religion, or by any number of other things.
167.When the relationship is new, do not ask her, "Why do you like
me?" If she tells you without you asking, then fine, but do not ask
her to make it mechanically rational and well-defined. Doing so will
kill the magic. Plus, she may not be able to fully vocalize why she
likes you.
168.Even if gender is more a product of society than biology, that
doesn't negate its importance or reality. Women unconsciously
want a dominant man regardless of the reason.
169.Women shouldn't smoke anything but hookah, and they should
avoid getting tattoos. It looks trashy.

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170.A woman will endure about any humiliation you give her so
long as it would be embarrassing for her should it become public
knowledge. This includes both verbal and physical abuse. If you
need to beat her, spank her on the ass. It won't hurt her, and it
won't make her feel like a threat, because you only punch someone
if they can actually hurt you. Spanking, however, will only belittle
her. Another benefit of spanking your wife is that it gives her an
emotional release, and she will be less inclined to find other
avenues for her energy. Why do we say that women are "dramatic",
a word referencing theater and fakeness? Women often start
"drama" to gain attention and to push the boundaries of the rules.
Childish, no? So treat her like a child.
171.In all aspects of the relationship, be careful to send the
messages you intend and to omit the messages you don't.
172.Do not constantly be funny. Space it through the conversation,
and it will be something she looks forward to instead of something
she grows tired of.
173.If you don't respect yourself, no one will. Respect is not the
same thing as self-esteem. Self-esteem has to be earned, but

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respect is to be taken. Don't expect your girlfriend to mother you by

kissing your emotional wounds and making sure you know how
special and above average you are. Women support men's
emotional needs, but they only dote on children.
174.The feminist may have liberated society from gender, but what
good has it done? Women may earn good wages and the like, but
how many people of either sex have you ever met who were truly
happy? For all its liberalism and progress, America is a country
filled with miserable people. Anti-anxiety drugs, clinical depression,
mental illness, suicide, and substance abuse have saturated
society to the point where we are drenched in despair. Today we
have all kinds of recreational drugs to choose from; you can pick
your own
escape.
175.If you ever have to buy a gift for someone you normally
wouldn't buy for, whether a new girlfriend or anyone in life, get them
something that you enjoy that you think they would enjoy but
probably haven't encountered yet. That way, they will always have
a piece of you.

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176.Never give a woman a gift card of any kind. This is worth

repeating. If you give a woman a gift card, you will look lazy and
inattentive. Put some effort into it and buy her cheap jewelry. At
least it's something you picked out and thus has your stamp on it.
177.Never beg for anything. You can argue, but don't beg.
178.If you request something, be gentle but firm.
179.When you're on a date, don't ask her what she thinks about the
restaurant or where she would like to go next time. She'll let you
know if it's not good. You can make suggestions about the next
date, but never ask her for an open opinion.
180.Never ever ever ask her, "So what did you think [in reference to
you or the time together]?" after a date is over. It forces her to give
a definite judgment then and there. Not only will she not have time
to reflect on the whole evening, but she will resent you for
embarrassing her.
181.If you spend your life focused on being "good", you will be
miserable. You shouldn't do bad, but there's more to relationships
than abstract virtues and practical morality.

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182.If a woman gets offended at the joke of making a man a

sandwich, dump her. Why would she not want to serve those she
loves? A feminists talks about how oppressive it is for women to
master cooking, but why would she not want to watch someone she
loves enjoy something she created?

183.They are few wives anymore. Now the world is filled with shedudes in domestic partnerships with adult males whom they may or
may not breed with.
184.If you treat a woman like a child, she'll act like a child. Treat her
like an adult and let her know that you expect maturity. If she is
statically immature, dump her.
185.Some women are bitches. They may try not to be, but they just
are, and nothing will ever change that. Leave them for the betamales.
186.There's not anything necessarily wrong with dating a girl out of
convenience. True love is a product out of longevity. What you
really want in a woman is someone whom you can be comfortable
around.

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187.Don't date a black woman. Their own kind reject them for a
reason. They are aggressive, mistrustful, and dominant.
188.You shouldn't date someone who has religious or political
views you strongly disagree with. This will only cause conflict later.
189.If you really want an easy way to get a wife, do ROTC in
college and join the military. Women love a man in uniform,
especially one with a sense of duty and order. Government careers
pay decent, have job security, and offer great benefits. After 20
years, you can retire from the military with a pension. You can just
join the military without college, but you'll never be promoted far
without an four-year degree, so major in underwater basketweaving. Don't worry about the ethics of war; just do your job and
let someone else ask those questions. But be warned: Many girls
get lonely and break up with their boyfriends through a letter. Put a
ring around her finger and pop that cherry before you leave.
190.What you attract a woman with is what you have to keep her
with. If you attract her with drugs, gifts, or sex, then that's all she'll
ever want from you. But if you attract her through charisma, then
she'll be addicted to your personality.

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191.Always be charming to everyone you meet. Practice makes

perfect. The old lady at the grocery store is rehearsal for the cute
girl at the coffee shop.
192.Never apologize with the word "if", and you should usually
avoid the word "sorry". There is a big difference between saying,
"I'm sorry if I offended you" and "I apologize for being insensitive".
The first one is easier to say, but the second one makes her fall
down the deep rabbit hole of love.
193.Girls fall in love easier, but guys fall in love harder.
194.It's just as important to move slowly emotionally as it is to move
slowly physically. For one thing, you won't get hurt as easily. You'll
also have a better head to judge the relationship. Finally, you'll
create an air of mystery.
195.Slowly reveal your personal life to her. One day tell her about
your parents, and a few days later tell her about your brothers. Be
vague at first and later add anecdotes. Make her thirst for more
instead of exhausting her with small details. This is true with most
friendships in life. For example, I rarely tell people I studied Greek

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and Latin when I first meet them. Instead, I tell them I studied
general western literature and only later explain, telling them that I
hide it because people find it intimidating.

196.Pick your battles and let her win sometimes. Boost her selfesteem when she deserves it.
197.You shouldn't have sex unless you're willing to deal with the
potential consequences, good or bad.
198.It may be her body, but the baby is more yours than it is hers.
Be the head of the household. A woman says, "My baby, my body"
and then wonders why the child's father left.
199.Just because something should happen or could happen does
not mean that it will happen.
200.A real man is able to exert his will to power, however that may
be interpreted. Make this your mantra, "Will to Power." After all of
life's day-to-day accomplishments, say it out loud.
201.Choose your verb inflections carefully. Generally, you want to
use the indicative mood instead of the subjunctive.

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202.Since when are self-esteem, fairness, independence, and

tolerance Biblical virtues? The New Testament speaks of a kind of
equality, but it also speaks of hierarchy and authority. No one in the
world believes in equality, especially those who claim they do.
203.People fear others' power unless they themselves are
protected by it. This is why women love muscles.
204.If you want to be cool and popular, build your life around
women's liberation. You will be miserable, but you will also have
lots of friends to share your misery. Most leftists at heart just want
to be cool.

205.Women are neither inherently evil nor inherently good. Like all
people, they do what's in their best interest. They are a product of a
system. None of us are independent thinkers.
206.They tell you to go to college and have a good career so that
you can enable a woman to live however she chooses. Does that
sound like the kind of life you want? No wonder women have such
contempt for us. We have chosen to accept the life they offer men,

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but it gives women nothing to respect in us. Feminism would have

never happened had men not allowed it.
207.The word "virtue" comes from the Latin word for "man" and is
related to the word "virility". A man should have a sense of morality
such as honor, courage, and strength.
208.The state can provide for a woman financially. You must have
something extra to offer that makes her choose you over Uncle
Sam.
209.A man can "man up" all he wants to be a good father and
husband, but his wife can take everything away and have all of
society and law side with her. Choose your mate carefully, for there
are few incentives for a man to marry or reproduce anymore.
210.The Greek word for bravery literally means manliness. This
doesn't mean that Greek is some perfect language that shines a
light on the human heart, but it's an interesting observation.
211.Masculinity is about assertiveness, the will to power. And with
great power comes great responsibility.

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212.If you want to read something on this topic that is intellectual

and funny but isn't required for school, read Shakespeare's Taming
of the Shrew. There is a really good performance of it on Youtube
by the University of Alaska at Anchorage. Obviously, I'm not
suggesting you follow it like a recipe, but there's a reason why
Petruchio is praised by all the softer men at the end. He and his
wife alone are happy together.
213.It's important for a man to have other man friends, and it's
important to get away from women once in a while. But it's also true
that your wife must not feel marginalized. A wise wife will allow you
to proportion your "bromance" with your time with her.
214.A wise man will say that anyone who brags about something is
lying about it, and while this is normally true, there are exceptions.
These contexts are rare, so it's more of a matter of constantly
bragging as opposed to laying claim at all. So if a man constantly
claims to be great with women, then he is at best unsure of himself
and at worst desperately lonely. If a woman constantly reminds you
that she has a great personality, then she's a pitbull. If a hippie has
a tattoo or a bumper sticker that says he's a freethinker, then he's a

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sheep. Sometimes it is prudent to tell your victory stories, but

always appear confident and not smug. You will notice that I have
given you all this advice, but I have told you very little about how I
got it or what my success rate is. Our family stereotypes me as the
lonely loser, but let's be realistic: I'm going to get married before the
others, because I have vision and direction. And on this note, I
conclude my lessons. Discern for yourself which of them are true,
which false, and which are both. From the ending of The Taming of
the Shrew:

Fie, fie! unknit that threatening unkind brow,

And dart not scornful glances from those eyes
To wound thy lord, thy king, thy governor.
It blots thy beauty as frosts do bite the meads, Confounds thy fame
as whirlwinds shake fair buds, And in no sense is meet or amiable.
A woman mov'd is like a fountain troubled- Muddy, ill-seeming,
thick, bereft of beauty;
And while it is so, none so dry or thirsty
Will deign to sip or touch one drop of it.

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Thy husband is thy lord, thy life, thy keeper,

Thy head, thy sovereign; one that cares for thee, And for thy
maintenance commits his body
To painful labour both by sea and land,
To watch the night in storms, the day in cold, Whilst thou liest warm
at home, secure and safe;
And craves no other tribute at thy hands
But love, fair looks, and true obedience-
Too little payment for so great a debt.
Such duty as the subject owes the prince, Even such a woman
oweth to her husband; And when she is froward, peevish, sullen,
sour, And not obedient to his honest will,
What is she but a foul contending rebel
And graceless traitor to her loving lord?
I am asham'd that women are so simple
To offer war where they should kneel for peace; Or seek for rule,
supremacy, and sway,
When they are bound to serve, love, and obey. Why are our bodies
soft and weak and smooth, Unapt to toil and trouble in the world,

!428

But that our soft conditions and our hearts Should well agree with
our external parts? Come, come, you forward and unable worms!
My mind hath been as big as one of yours,
My heart as great, my reason haply more,
To bandy word for word and frown for frown;
But now I see our lances are but straws,
Our strength as weak, our weakness past compare,
That seeming to be most which we indeed least are. Then vail your
stomachs, for it is no boot,
And place your hands below your husband's foot;
In token of which duty, if he please,
My hand is ready, may it do him ease.

!429

As always, an anthology of mine must end with a letter in an

attempt to revive the great classical tradition. To continue our story
arch, the abbot from the first letter eventually sent me his
apologies, and we began a correspondence again. The following is
an email I sent him at one point.

Letter to Fr Nicholas
I've been thinking the last couple days about what I said
about rock n roll. Cry of pain in hopeless world. Only prayer on
earth. Won't exist in heaven.
You responded that it isn't a prayer at all, and I'm thinking
No shit, Mr Former Mainline Protestant" but of course didn't say all
that. Instead I just said that I was being poetic and not using
theology textbook legalism. Not that legalism is bad in and of itself,
and theology textbooks probably should be legalistic.
It seems to be something we lost in our society, that you can
say something that is obviously absurd but has a greater meaning.
That a statement could be more about the aesthetic than the
message. It's a very Nietzschean idea, and although there's a lot of

!430

really terrible western art that uses this idea as an excuse to be

lazy or avant garde, we've largely replaced all conversation and
expression with legal language.
It also seems to be a common philosophy in Orthodox
hymnology. Not the thing about rock n roll. The thing about how a
statement doesn't have to be 100% true or even intend to be in
order to have value. When I left my catechumenate, much of it was
because I was so horrified at the language used in the paraklesis. If
we are to take it as a hard legalism, it's full of heresy. But the
paraklesis is not textbook theology; it's poetry.
I tried this a few times early on in my ROK writing, but the
reader quality is low, so they didn't understand it.
That statement about rock n roll I originally sent to a writer
friend of mine, because he was asking me why I love all that old
music since he hates it so much. He's a big atheist, but he isn't very
antagonistic towards Christianity and thinks those that are are as
dumb as the Christians they hate. Really, he thinks Christianity is
boring and irrelevant, and as much as he likes talking to me, he
usually doesn't like discussing religion. When he does, he usual

!431

has strong misconceptions I don't bother correcting, because nonChristians in this country are bombarded by people telling them
"You've heard Christianity is x, but really, few realize that it's y", and
everyone has a different x and y they are explaining. But at the
same time, he doesn't describe himself as an atheist because he
doesn't want to be associated with people like Richard Dawkins.
Instead he just says he doesn't believe in God.
Like any writer ever who is worth anything, he had a terrible
childhood and has suffered from some kind of personality disorder
or addiction as an adult, in his case depression. The same is true
for musicians.
We were discussing music, and he asked me why I like all
that old rock and country, saying that he doesn't like anything
before 1980. Hes big into metal, a genre you were probably
fortunate to hear very little of. You're either metal, or you're punk,
but you cannot be both. I have always been punk. It's really a
difference not just in music taste but your whole experience of
existence. The two may espouse a similar social philosophy of
angst and rebellion, but their approach to it is radically different.

!432

Both came about at the same time as a reaction to the overindulgence that rock had become, which soon turned it into a
neutered saccharine genre for mass consumption. Rock died circa
1978 and will never resurrect, because music is a product of time
and momentum. Oh, punk and metal are dead today, too. They
fizzled out in the early 90s and turned into pop. Both were rock's
last dying gasp of breath.
All of this sounds like a boring history lesson you aren't
interested in, but there's a great truth about humanity underlying
this. History is theology.
Punk is about release, and metal is orderly. CS Lewis talks
about religions either being "thin" or "thick" and that the true religion
will fulfill both. That is to say, some religions are mystic. Orgies,
drugs, chanting, unhindered emotions, selfmutilation, sacrifice,
which seek to uncover the inner self through abandon of restraint or
confronting difficult emotional barriers. Those are punk. Other
religions are orderly, involving strict rules of practice and morality
and aesthetics and use quiet contemplation to uncover the inner

!433

self. Those are metal, even though, yes, metal is very loud. Metal is
still contemplation music.
Athos is and always was metal. St Gregory Palamas was
metal. The desert fathers were punk, whether in the third century
Egyptian desert or the 19th century Russian desert. Even though
the philosophy is completely different between punk/metal and
Orthodox monasticism, the experience of participation is what I am
referring to, how it is sought and manifested. And I realize this is
something of an oversimplification. But as I said above, I'm
speaking poetically.
One could make the argument that neither approach is very
good by itself.
Here is an excerpt of the Facebook conversation my above
friend and I had recently, in which I told him what I told you about
rock n roll being a prayer:
******
BN
Keith Richards had an affair with Ronnie Bennett/Spector, who was
a real life Lana Kane. He wrote in his autobiography that listening to

!434

her song "Be my Baby" took on a new meaning. You get the feeling
that they should have married and stayed together for ever
ML
10/25, 8:01pm
ML
Weird. Lyrics are extraneous with the music I like so I never
analyze them
BN
10/25, 8:01pm
BN
The music reflects upon the lyrics, not the opposite way
Instead she married Phil Spector, who locked her in his house and
said if she ever leaves she'll be buried in the coffin in the basement.
BN
10/25, 8:47pm
BN
I think the reason I like old rock n roll so much is because, whether
something blusey like the Rolling Stones or girly like the Ronettes
or artsy like the Beach Boys, rock n roll is a cry of the soul in pain in

!435

a world without hope. There will be no rock n roll in heaven, but

here on earth it is the only prayer we have.
ML
10/25, 9:29pm
ML
Off topic, but that makes me wonder. What do you think heaven is
actually like describe "a day in heaven"
BN
10/25, 9:31pm
BN
Heaven is enjoying God forever. If you don't like God, you won't like
heaven. Heaven is like sitting by a warm fireplace for eternity.
Read the novella "The Great Divorce
ML
10/25, 9:32pm
ML
is that your personal conception
is there no thought? Just existence? No communication? Any
physical body?

!436

BN
10/25, 9:33pm
BN
I don't know. It's beyond our concept of living. There is no time in
heaven. Like describing a color you've never seen
Look up that novella. If nothing else, it will make it easier to
understand Christianity.
ML
10/25, 9:35pm
ML
who wrote it
BN
10/25, 9:35pm
BN
Cs lewis
ML
10/25, 9:38pm
ML
found a copy. I'll read it this week

!437

BN
10/25, 9:38pm
BN
Found it at your house?
ML
10/25, 9:39pm
ML
haha no online
BN
10/25, 9:41pm
BN
One of the best explanations of Christianity I've ever read. If you
read only one Christian book in your life, its a good one.
ML
10/25, 9:41pm
ML
cool I'll check it out. May read it later tonight
BN
10/25, 9:49pm

!438

BN
Why don't you like old music?
ML
10/25, 9:51pm
ML
All the things that you listed that you find appealing are things that
I find unappealing. The tempos are slow and don't change enough.
The riffs are extremely predictable. There's zero aggression. Riffs
are all based on blues scales, which are difficult to form into unique
sounds.
BN
10/25, 9:52pm
BN
It's a tradition. It uses creativity to tell the same human story. It
isn't novel for the sake of novelty
[...]
BN
You don't like emotive singing?
ML

!439

10/25, 9:57pm
ML
no
Rarely anyway
BN
10/25, 9:57pm
BN
Someone struggling through the human existence and drowning
their failed childhood in drugs and pussy?
ML
10/25, 9:57pm
ML
Nah man that shit is just retarded to me
BN
10/25, 9:58pm
BN
You're dead inside
ML
10/25, 9:58pm

!440

ML
duh
I can count on one hand the amount of bands that I like that involve
females The more jagged, bleak and dissonant the better

!441

This is a writing sample I came up with when I was applying for

graduate school, since I did not save anything from undergrad.
Normally I really dislike Plato and Socrates as godless Democrats,
but the Symposium sets itself apart. This was written about a year
before I began writing for ROK.

The Symposium's Indication

of the End of Aristocratic
Athens
Austin Martin
Writing Sample for Graduate Schools

The Symposium is one of those few works of literature that is

greater than the author could have ever intended. There are many
layers, and one can approach it at various angles. On the surface, it

!442

is about a rejection of physical love in favor of philosophical

speculation. Read a little more deeply, it purports pedophilia as a
virtue. One can either take the side of Socrates or the side of the
aristocrats, although the modern man will almost certainly disagree
with the horrifying conclusions of the aristocrats even if he is still
able to appreciate their rhetoric.
I would argue that, at an even deeper level, the aristocrats
were really talking about more than child love. They were
demonstrating the zeitgeist of high Athens before the advent of
Platonism. Each speaker represents a different vein of Athenian
aristocratic society: the doctor, the tragedian, the comedian, etc.
Athenian aristocracy was all about the exaltation of the ego. Each
was demonstrating his self-worth to the others by using his skills
brought by his education. During all this, they tell stories of gods
and espouse traditional values.
Socrates, however, represents a break in old, pagan Athens.
Socrates speaks at a time when the theater was waning and
philosophy was waxing. He puts away mythology and traditional
Hellenic morality in favor of a new morality born out of reason. To

!443

Plato, society's values are irrelevant to how one should live. These
are not just the values of physical love but also the values of pride,
wealth, and companionship.
Plato demonstrates this with rare brilliance. Each speaker
makes rational sense, and the next one trumps the logic of the
previous. Plato presents each argument as truer than the previous,
impeccably defending beliefs in which he does not believe. Then he
presents what he believes is truth and implicitly claims to destroy all
previous arguments and values. To Plato, Athenian values have
now been eradicated.
In the process, he destroys Attic aristocratic society. One of
his issues is that he ignores the basic human need for physicality.
Although a rare few in various religions have willed themselves to
forgo sexuality, it is impractical to expect celibacy of everybody. Yet
this seems to be exactly what Socrates sees as what should be
normal.
Plato also finds the allegory of the mythology to be
irrelevant, which is grave indeed. The mythology was the basis for
Athenian literature. Without it, the foundation of creative art is lost.

!444

Rarely in ancient society did one make up a completely original

story. Being a playwright, Aristophanes uses the more mythology
than the other rhetors, giving power to the gods. This is also critical
to his role in Athenian society. Playwrights built their craft on
mythology, and good Athenians were good pagans.
Philosophers, however, built their craft on reason, and so we
see Socrates taking a thoroughly different approach. Socrates
builds a secular ethic of Platonic ideals. Plato seeks to create an
entirely new society as he sees best. This, of course, is best
explained in The Republic, but it is briefly exposited here.
Mary Nichols points out that Aristophanes takes a different
approach than the others. Pausanias, Eryximachus, and Phaedrus
talk about education and virtue. Nichols says, "Aristophanes' tale
about pride and its fall mocks the pretensions of the previous
symposiasts." (p. 189) However, I do not believe that Aristophanes
is really in a different category than the others. Each was
approaching it from their own perspective, especially the physician
Eryximachus. Aristophanes was a comedian, so it makes sense
that he would mock the others and treat the subject as a joke. His

!445

goal is to make people laugh because that is what his role in

Athenian society is. Eryximachus's role in Athenian society is to
make the sick well, and so he talks about how Eros is the root of all
kinds of therapy. These show that there is a harmony between the
aristocrats' speeches. Each speech builds upon the mosaic that is
high, pagan Athens. Soon Socrates will speak, bringing about the
end of traditional religion in favor of a kind of secularism.
Nichols continues, "Instead of praising the god, Agathon
claims, the others have been simply explaining how happy human
beings are for the goods the god gives them. The arrogant
Agathon, paradoxically, locates the superiority of his speech in its
greater piety. In contrast to the others, Agathon will say what sort of
god Love is, and only then the gifts he bestows (194e-195a)." (p.
191) Still, Agathon is bringing everything back to religion. Good
Athenians must not merely thank the gods for the gifts they bestow
(which oddly seems to be the point of pagan piety, i.e. pax deorum)
but also must describe how the gods are. Of course, the poets, not
the politicians and physicians, are those in society who describe the
gods. Aristophanes, another poet, has told an elaborate myth, thus

!446

fulfilling his role. It is now Agathon who must demonstrate the

character of the god in his speech.
Socrates is not a good pagan, hence why he was killed. For
one thing, he seems to be a monotheistic deist. In the Euthyphro,
he attacks conventional values of justice for the wronged. The
Symposium is a stopping point which Socrates travels that leads to
his own undoing. It exposits his desire to overturn high Athenian
society. Socrates is the beginning of the end for high Athens.
Another issue with Socrates is that he is uninterested in what
has been done before in Hellenic society. He seeks to create a new
culture and a new mythology (again, we see much of this in the
Republic). Socrates is out of sync with the other speakers. He does
not fit the mood of the evening, not only because he says that Eros
is not a major god, but also because he does not build on
mythology for his reasoning.
Of course, the aristocrats probably did not believe that Eros
was a real person; whether or not they believed in the myths is
irrelevant. They were merely trying to exalt themselves and create
an enjoyable evening. They were celebrating the love of rhetoric.

!447

Socrates takes what was something of a joke and makes it serious.

He does not understand what the aristocrats are trying to
accomplish.
I think that the Socrates of the Symposium is a creation of
Plato. I imagine the historic Socrates was not as counter-cultural as
Plato presents him to be. Therefore, my assertion is that Plato,
whether intentionally or unintentionally, sought the end of traditional
Attic society. Plato marks a new era of a new humanism and
secularism, although he was not the first to challenge traditional
values. My point is not whether or not this was a good thing. My
point is that it happened, and that it is represented in this work of
literature. The ancient philosophers, much like the moderns, were
always counter-cultural (especially Epicurius and Parmenides).
Perhaps this was not his intention, but Plato demonstrates this in
the Symposium, and we can see the transition today. The
philosophers sought to build a new culture based on reason alone,
and this is in contrast to aristocratic society. Some philosophers like
Epicurius and Diogenes even sought poverty.

!448

This is why the Symposium is my favorite classical work; it

summarizes all of Attic thought, both the aristocratic and the
philosophical. Everyone is trying to assert himself, and we see the
transition between the old and the new so clearly. Each member
represents a portion of aristocratic Athenian society: physicians,
poets, philosophers, and the general wealthy. The work is about so
much more than having sex with children; it is about the exaltation
of mankind in a culture of human flourishing. Each sect, the
aristocratic and the philosophical, tries to flourish as he sees best.
The Symposium truly is the summation of high Athens.

Bibliography
Nichols, Mary P. Socrates' Contest with the Poets in Plato's
Symposium. Political Theory, Vol. 32, No. 2 (April 2004), p.
186-206. Sage Publications, Inc. <www.jsotr.org/stable/4148131>.
Accessed August 24, 2013.

!449

Before submitting to ROK, I submitted two essays to the Orthodoxy

and Heterodoxy apologetics blog, which were rejected

Why Christian Atheism Can Only Develop in the West

By Augustine Martin
In this article, I'm going to stereotype protestantism beyond
what is probably fair. I would know since I was raised on James
Dobson Christianity, which is its own unchanging and immortal
orthodoxy in contrast to the more open-minded groups such as the
Anglican Communion in the global north or the Presbyterian Church
USA. But protestantism is so varied and sometimes vague that the
unifying features often lead to different results. In this article, I will
discuss soteriology and its impact upon protestant theological
liberalism.
I will start by providing the link that led me to write this,
although one can follow my article well without reading that of the
BBC: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-14417362 . The
article talks about the deep secularism of Dutch protestantism to
the point where about 1 in 6 clergy are atheists or agnostics. Now
that you've finished reading the last half of that sentence for the
third time, I will tell you who grew up Orthodox a little bit about
protestantism.
In western thought, both secular and religious, one often
tries to reduce ideas to the bare minimum with the assumption that
!450

that minimum is the essence of what that idea is. This is descended
from Plato's philosophy of forms, but it has obviously morphed as
beliefs always do over several centuries. Even in my somewhat
fundamentalist upbringing which insisted on things like a literal
resurrection and the virgin birth, this theme of reductionism still
held.
So while we all believed in the bodily resurrection, the
question was sometimes asked hypothetically, "Can one be saved if
he does not believe in the bodily resurrection of Jesus Christ but
does believe that Jesus was God incarnate?" For us, we were
really asking, "At which moment of the passion story did Jesus pay
our debts?" This is why you have a stereotype of protestant
preachers saying things like "The precious blood! The precious
blood!" and why there are many protestant hymns about the cross
but few about the tomb.
Part of the reason this nonsense exists, both liberalism and
fundamentalism, is because of penal substitutionary atonement, the
paradigm of salvation used in almost every vein of protestantism
and Catholicism. As many of you know, Eastern Christianity
believes in a different model known as Christus Victor, which is
Latin for "Christ the Conqueror". Some will argue that the term
"Christus Victor" does not adequately describe Orthodox
soteriology, but for the purposes of this article, assume it
encompasses all aspects of our doctrine of salvation since it was
coined to describe us anyway. A few protestant groups have tried to
adopt Christus Victor, but they are few and far between. Others
!451

claim that the two paradigms are really two different ways of saying
the same thing, which I strongly disagree with. However, I will not
go into the fine details of each model here. What is important is that
what a Christian sect, whether Orthodox or otherwise, believes
about salvation will affect every every thing its churches do. Allow
me to repeat that, as I cannot emphasize it enough: what a
Christian sect, whether Orthodox or otherwise, believes about
salvation will affect every every thing its churches do.
As I alluded to above, one of the many problems with penal
substitutionary atonement is that it puts the critical moment on
Jesus's death. Perhaps you've seen Mel Gibson's Passion of the
Christ. The movie was fundamentally a snuff film with perhaps not
even a minute of Jesus shown after the resurrection. There is no
showing of the myrrh-bearing women or of the disciples' doubt and
subsequent bafflement. There is no epilogue and no good news.
The plot is that a man was brutally murdered but then sprang to life
with no real consequences or meaning.
Obviously, a Western Christian does not believe that the
resurrection was meaningless, but his art says otherwise. And
although this was a Catholic film, it was highly praised by
protestants as well. The only place I have ever heard a criticism of it
from a Christian perspective was from an old Orthodox priest.
This brings me to the title of my article. Many liberal
Christians claim that they do not believe in the traditional God of the
Bible or believe that such a belief is ultimately irrelevant. This is not
a new idea to protestantism, but it seems to be growing in stature
!452

again. Why is this? To answer that question, imagine an Eastern

church service with the same texts as it has now but with
everybody in the congregation believing it is merely a myth. To be
fair, I've had little experience with liturgical protestantism, but I
believe my picture will hold anyway.
It is the Saturday night before Pascha. Christ is risen!
Hooray! But what does this mean? If Christianity is merely an
allegory, what is it the message? What is the significance of his
death and resurrection? To the western Christian, sin is conquered,
and other effects like eternal life naturally follow. And so, with
Christ, one has the power to be a good person, to return to the
unfallen state in Eden, more or less. So the liberal western
Christian could say that Jesus represents good morals, and,
surprise, most western secularists believe that Jesus was a
basically a good moral teacher whose ideas were distorted and
ignored. But to the eastern Christian, the passion story means that
death is conquered, and other effects like moral rehabilitation
naturally follow.
In what ways, hypothetically, could this emphasis on
immortality instead of moral rectitude be applied if one does not
believe it actually happened? Perhaps one could say we can be
immortal through our good deeds or children, but that seems, at
least to me, as a stretch. No, from a Christus Victor standpoint,
either Christ is risen or Christ is meaningless. There can be no
alternative. A dead Christ does nobody any good if he does not rise.

!453

Even his moral teachings weren't much more profound than those
of my Kindergarten teacher.
Ideas have legs; they go places. Even though conservatives
would claim to believe in everything in the Nicene Creed (at least
as it's been handed to them), they still view Jesus as primarily
concerned with morals. His death and resurrection was all about
good morals. Notice the strong emphasis they place upon bearing
good fruit or the bumper sticker that says, "I'm not perfect. Just
forgiven". Protestantism is about making you an all-American
citizen. Of course, they do not explicitly believe this, but it is the
implicit teachings which make all forms of protestantism dangerous.
"Why is it so important that Christ is alive? The important thing is
that he died. The resurrection is just a bonus, as though it merely
proves He was divine. Good Friday is the true day of rejoicing."
Within the conservative circle in which I grew up, many
protestants sense this misfocus on moral rehabilitation instead of
eternal life, although they often have trouble vocalizing it. This is
partly why you have many evangelicals saying, "Christianity isn't
supposed to be legalistic" or "I have a religion, not a relationship". I
will leave you with a favorite protestant saying of mine, which I feel
to best summarize the difference between our soteriologies and
shows a thirst among protestants for something deeper than what
the four bare walls and a sermon in Your Town, USA can offer:
"Christ did not come to make bad people good but to make dead
people alive." Somebody make a bumper sticker out of that.

!454

The Inherent Problems within Theistic Evolution

Augustine Martin
A lot of Orthodox believe in theistic evolution. However, there
are several fallacies inherent within this belief that many of its
holders do not realize. Theistic evolution causes more
problems than it solves. I will begin by discussing my lesser
problems with it and then explore my main objection. Finally,
I'll discuss why it is people believe in such nonsense. The
whole of this article will be about discussing the logical
implications of theistic evolution.
For one thing, evolution is based on the logical fallacy that
confuses correlation with causation. Normally in science, we
make a hypothesis, gather evidence, and then conclude. With
evolution, we look at evidence, form a hypothesis, and then
conclude. So the whole thing is backwards. Just because
things correlate does not mean that one caused the other. For
example, people who eat healthy are usually skinny.
Therefore, skinny people do not like the taste of junk food.
Also, just because dogs share characteristics with fish doesn't
mean that they come from the same ancestor anymore than
the two couches in my living room come from the same
manufacturer.
!455

Also, evolution was developed by people trying to find an

alternative to Christianity. You'll notice that before evolution,
there were very few atheists. Most secularists were deists or
Unitarians. So the roots of the theory are as suspect as the
roots of British empiricism.
People don't want to be opposed to science. In our society, we
have a dualism between faith and science, and so many
Christians try to reconcile the two in the belief that clearly
science is always true and never wrong, or at least
unquestionable without a Ph.D. However, this belief is also rife
with fallacies.
For one thing, they're misusing the word "science". "Science"
is Latin for "knowledge". If you hold something as knowledge
which is actually false, then it is not knowledge; it is ignorance.
Science by definition is true, otherwise it is not science. In
ancient Greece, natural sciences fell under philosophy. In
modern Europe today, history is considered a science. Even in
America, we have social sciences. So the word science does
not mean "conjectures about the nature of the
world" (although such conjectures are not always wrong,
obviously). Science means "something which is true and that
!456

we know". Just as bad philosophy is not wisdom, false

knowledge is not science.
I bring this up because it's important. One of the great
problems with modern English is that words no longer carry
meaning. How often do you hear someone say, "We're
wearing the same jeans! How random is that!" or "Yesterday it
was literally raining cats and dogs." Try telling a protestant,
"The Bible is written in a very vulgar language" or "Christianity
is a cult of suffering" or "The myth of Christ's resurrection is so
impactful". Then there's Pope Francis's confusing statement
about how even atheists are redeemed. This is important
because if words do not carry meaning, then we cannot
communicate beyond simple things like going to the store.
What separates man from animals is self-awareness and the
capacity for metaphysics.
Science is only science if it is describing something accurate.
However, science changes constantly. The same scientific
community that promotes evolution today also used to sell
heroin over the counter in pharmacies and cured poison by
slitting one's wrist. Staples of modern science like the big
bang theory and plate tectonics were ridiculed until they were
basically proven. What is good medicine today will be
!457

considered ineffective or torturous in 50 years. So I am not

anti-science but anti-bad-science. Naturally, I am skeptical
when the scientific community holds up something as "fact"
because it has proven itself wrong so many times.
Every academic community has a doctrine and an agenda.
For example, there is the story of Heinrich Schliemann. In the
late 19th century, everybody in Classics assumed that
Homer's war never happened and that Troy did not exist. They
were merely fun stories like Beauty and the Beast.
Schliemann, who did not have a Classics degree, loved
Homer like my grandmother loves the Bible, and he believed
all the non-theistic parts of it were true. The academics
laughed at him. So he travelled to Turkey, found a place that
resembled the geography in the Iliad, and started digging.
There were nine civilization buried. Scholars then consented
that there was a place upon which Tory was based, but to this
day, many still think Troy is merely a myth.
In college I wrote a paper about this. I believe the Iliad is
mostly true with some embellishments as happen in oral
tradition, and I see no reason why it couldn't be. I also believe
in Romulus and Remus. My colleagues thought I was kidding

!458

until I compared Romulus to the last three chapters in Judges

in the Bible.
I bring this tangent up to say that every academic community
has a doctrine and an agenda. Currently in science, evolution
is dogma. As a child in church, I learned various fallacies in
the theory (such as irreducible complexity). I won't go into
detail about those because I don't know enough about science
to argue them, and honestly, I rarely discuss evolution with
non-Christians. However, you can look those fallacies up
yourself. Even most biologists will admit there are
inconsistencies with the theory that they haven't solved yet.
Another issue with evolution is that it just sounds dumb. I
believe in evolution like I believe in Bigfoot. This argument
doesn't fit into a nice Aristotelian package, yet it really makes
sense. Why do you not believe in unicorns? It's certainly
plausible. They could be extinct. Why do you not believe in the
kracken or aliens? Do you know how little we know about the
deep ocean? Again, this does not disprove theistic evolution
but only brings it into perspective.
One issue I have is "why?" Why did God do things through
evolution? It would be simpler to just make us. I do not know
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why God does things, and this argument does not disprove
theistic evolution, but it is important. God does not ever
interact with humanity without a reason. There must be some
reason he chose to bring us out of monkeys instead of
basically nothing.
However, none of that is my main argument against evolution.
My argument against theistic evolution is that it is almost
incompatible with the notion of the fall of man. For the sake of
the argument, let us conceive that perhaps the model of
evolution that today's scientists have laid out is exactly true
and that God guided it so that it resulted thusly, even
smoothing over the various impossibilities and improbabilities.
But it is not enough to merely accept an idea; we must then
follow the idea to its logical outcomes. The question we must
ask about theistic evolution is, "Now what?" Ideas do not exist
in a vacuum. They must go places.
So we've assumed that God, for whatever transcendent
reason, caused evolution to happen like Richard Dawkins
claims it did. Hooray for syncretism! However, Genesis must
still be true in some aspect, otherwise we have a large chunk
of our tradition to throw away (although the church fathers still
give really specific details about Eden like how we didn't have
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skin or sex). Fr. Joseph Huneycutt says that whether Genesis

is merely allegorical or not, you cannot appreciate the
resurrection story without appreciating the Genesis story. The
essential elements of the Eden story must still be intact: 1)
God made man perfect, 2) Man is distinct from animals in his
possession of a soul, 3) Man chose to reject perfection. If the
first element is missing, then God is not who He says He is
and cannot save man. If the second and third are missing,
man does not need salvation.
So whether evolution is true or not, there has to be a specific
time when man fell. I think a lot of theistic evolution people
miss this point. Man didn't just evolve into sinful beings, and
God was like, "Oops, I thought I was just watching monkeys
throw things at each other. Guess I better go incarnate or
something." My godfather said that we believe that all of
humanity is responsible for the death of Christ. This is true.
However, God cannot make anything contrary to His nature.
Evil and sin are non-realities (which is another long article).
When we sin, we participate in non-being. Animals cannot sin
because they do not have self-awareness and metaphysics.
So there had to be a moment when man suddenly was not
perfect anymore. I cannot stress this enough. All of Christianity
falls apart without this foundation. Although all of mankind's
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sin was put on Christ at crucifixion, there had to be a moment

when mankind began to sin. God physically cannot make
something ontologically sinful. We did that.
So let's say that there's a group of monkeys that God has
been cultivating for a few eons or so. He decides to make one
stand upright, and perhaps a few more follow suit. Then
another thousand millennia go by or so, and they start losing
hair. And then the brain and spine develop. And so God's like,
"Okay, this is the time." And so he decides to give them all
souls. At one instance, they wake up like out of a sleep, and
the tribe leader is like "Urr!" which means, "I am" or
something. And let's say the church fathers are wrong, and
they look perfectly human or something similar, and suddenly
they're having monogamous, meaningful sex instead of animal
procreation in heat, and it's great. Or maybe they suddenly
stop having sex, but it doesn't matter, because they'll never
die like their parents did. At any rate, mankind cannot have
gradually developed a soul; he must have been given one.
The next step is that they have to fall, and that it has to
happen at one moment. Like, "April 13 at 2:45 pm" or
something. Here's where our narrative gets less specific. Was
this early human tribe just two people, 200 people, or a whole
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species spread out over Africa or the Mideast? Because each

individual has to reject God himself. There also has to be a
specific sin to choose. So maybe there were just two people
(which is the simplest explanation), and one day they were
like, "Hey, let's abstractly decide to quit talking to God", and
suddenly they had a new awakening and were like, "Woah, I
understand evil, and I miss God. Also, I'm naked." I mean,
without a world of sin and without sinful desires or notions,
what sin could there possibly be? There's a reason God
created the tree in Eden; man had to have an opportunity to
sin. Man didn't have superpowers or knowledge like Lucifer to
puff them up with pride. In Genesis, God gave them the
opportunity to sin. So in our evolutionary model, it was
probably something abstract and philosophical. But maybe it
was something petty, like it the man stole the woman's favorite
rock and then she kicked him in the shin or something. And so
we have a fall, and they start procreating, and then we have
the situation we live in now.
Or perhaps it was a tribe of fifty or so humans. What sin could
a whole tribe commit? I mean, it is possible that they didn't all
fall at the same time, but then there would probably still be
some around today, having seen the others' falls as a warning.
You could imagine that Blick the caveman falls and then finds
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Drock, who is still unfallen, and Blick's like, "Dude! You're

naked!" and Drock is like, "What does that mean?", and Blick
is like, "Dude! You need clothes! Don't you see the leaves I'm
wearing?", and Drock is like, "What does that mean?", and
then Blick tries to stab him with a knife but it just passes
through like a ghost, and Drock is like, "What does that
mean?" So maybe they all fell at different times. Or perhaps
as a nation they collectively decided to reject God at one
moment. What sin does a whole nation commit at one
moment? Maybe an orgy. I doubt idolatry since unfallen man
had such a connection with God that there was no room for
doubt nor a need for alternate sustenance (or a need for
anything). So now we have a greater problem with the fall.
Or perhaps man was spread across a wide area when they
were infused with the soul. There were more men than could
know each other. This makes an entire fall even more
implausible. This third option clearly did not happen.
So you see, although theistic evolution is theoretically
possible, it creates lots of issues in continuity. Why is it so
hard to believe Genesis? God made man out of dust.
However, if man had no opportunity to sin, then he wasn't
really choosing God. So God created an opportunity for man
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to sin by the fruit. Notice the fruit is from the tree of good and
evil. Man already knew good. By taking of the fruit, he would
know evil. So man did take of it, and now he needs God to
save him. Why is that so implausible? Why do we need a
complicated system invented by people trying to disprove
Christianity to take the place of a simple story? Is creating
man out of dust ridiculous but creating man out of monkeys
super rational and enlightened?
I think part of the reason Christians don't believe in Genesis is
because they think that something must be either historical or
allegorical. This is a Western notion. If a story is allegorical,
they reason, then it cannot have actually happened. Since
Genesis is full of allegory, therefore it must be false. However,
Genesis can easily be both historical and allegorical just as
many stories about Jesus from the gospels are, as well as the
ancient struggles between the Israelites and the other nations.
But I don't know, maybe Israel never existed. I mean, if we do
concede that Genesis is merely myth, then at what point does
the historical narrative begin? At what point in the Bible can
we trust it? Maybe Elijah didn't exist and the book of Isaiah is
a compilation from various sources. Maybe St. Paul didn't
exist. What's the difference?

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Another reason Christians believe in evolution is the same

reason that many believe in the moral neutrality of abortion
and homosexuality: they do not want to tell the world it's
wrong. It's truly a hassle to disbelieve so much of what you're
told. The easy thing is to just go along with the experts.
And the third reason Christians believe in evolution is that they
haven't thought out all the logical implications of that belief nor
fully understand what elements in Christianity are essential for
it to work. This is an issue of ignorance, and it is often mixed
with one of the other two reasons. This reflects on the failings
of the clergy to properly catechize its people.
So now that I have used cold, Aristotelian logic to destroy your
worldly delusions, you no longer have any reason to believe in
such silliness. I have freed you! You no longer need to feel
shackled by the world's lies. As I left protestant heresy, so you
too can now leave the lies you were fed. It is not your fault you
believed such things, for we rarely choose our beliefs. But now
you can! Run free, knowing that you were made unique and
distinct from everything else God ever did.

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Around the time I graduated college, two years before ROK, a

vague acquaintance from high school sent me a message on
Facebook asking a question about Christian morality and why
the Bible doesnt allow fornication. She asked this in an honest
desire to find the answer and said I seemed like the kind who
could explain this. This led to a general non-denomination
apologetics blog, of varying merit. I quit about a year in
because I ran out of ideas, but I published almost all of it on
Kindle, which didnt sell. But the blog did get hits in some fifty
or so countries, so it proved to me I was a good writer and
thinker, even if under-developed. In editing this final edition, I
went through and got most of the typos out, but I did not read
the actual work. I am not endorsing any of what it says
(though I imagine some of it is very good). I am only making it
available to those who are interested.

The Triumph of Christianity:

A Collection of General Christian Apologetics

By Augustine Martin
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Introduction: The Triumph of Christianity

Galatians 6.14 May I never boast except in the cross of our
Lord Jesus Christ, through which the world has been crucified to
me, and I to the world.
In the days of pagan Rome, when a general was returning
from war, if he were especially successful, he was brought into the
city painted like Jupiter in a parade. It was a great celebration. The
people would come out into the streets to celebrate the victory. The
enemy had been defeated and fear was put away for the time
being. All was safe and well. Furthermore, the general bestowed
the spoiled riches upon the people. Then there would perhaps be
festivals and games, hence the phrase "bread and circuses". In all,
it was a celebration of the nation of Rome.
Christianity is a Roman triumph. Christ has conquered
death, and so we will parade Him in triumph. The whole city of the
world will know that our general has defeated our enemy.
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Christianity is a celebration of life, not just the life now but also the
life to come. There will be festivals, riches, and games, both now
and later, for all is well and at peace. No longer must we fear the
enemy. This is what the apostle means by "boasting in Christ."
The Greek word for "boast" in Galatians is ,
"kaukhasthai". It literally means "to speak loudly". And that is what
we Christians do. We speak loudly not about ourselves but about
Christ. We proclaim Him in charity. We proclaim Him in martyrdom.
We proclaim Him at church. We proclaim Him at work. We proclaim
Him at home. We proclaim Him at the store. With the cymbal. With
singing. Throughout the world. In our local city. The gospel is about
triumphing Christ throughout the world. It is a religion of victory.
We proclaim that He has conquered death. Like the twelve in
John 6, we have nowhere else to go having seen the world as
wood to be burned. We will talk loudly for the whole world to hear.
We will talk loudly for our fellow Christians to hear. We will be
hated. We will be loved. Either way, we will not care how others
perceive us. We will proclaim him by our love.

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This book is such a celebration. It came about as a way to

healthily vent my philosophical mind. Although I am an Eastern
Church Christian, I am doing my best to remain denominationally
neutral, although I couldn't have written this had I remained an
evangelical. No, dear reader, this is a book for all Christians. For
Catholics, evangelicals, liberals, Orthodox, Anglicans, emergents,
and everything in between. This is not so much a summation of
Christianity nor a defense as it is a proclamation of its victory over
the falsehood of secularism.
For secularism is my Nietzschean enemy. It is a strong
opponent, but I shall defeat it with my superior logic. But this is not
my logic. No, it is the logic of raw Truth. And after our victory, we
shall triumph this Truth, for Truth is a person. You, dear reader, may
sit on the hill and watch this battle between gentlemen. Calmly
watch the war unfold as you know that your nation will win and has
won already. I am merely the messenger of what is already
revealed.

Love: The Opiate of Humanity

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Is Christianity the Opiate of the Poor? I think this is the

wrong question or at least an over-simplification. First, we must
define opiate. If it is something that numbs you from your pain, then
no, Christianity is not an opiate. Christianity takes your pain and
focuses it on something good and hopeful. If an opiate is something
which lessens suffering, then no, all suffering still exists. If an opiate
is a kind of medicine, then yes, Christianity heals the broken sinner
from his selfishness, bitterness, and foolishness. If an opiate is
something that makes you forget your pain, then yes, by focusing
on the coming kingdom, people become unconcerned about their
current troubles. For the sake of this article, we will use the second
two definitions.
The next question is, does the poor need an opiate? But
before we can answer that, we must ask what this opiate is to treat.
Is it poverty? No. Although Christianity teaches alms-giving, poor
people will always be poor, for Jesus said, "You will always have
the poor with you." Does this opiate treat sin? Yes. Does it treat
emotional pain? Yes. Does it cause one to grow apathetic to his
sufferings? Yes.

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Does the poor need an opiate? Yes, and so does the rich.
The whole world needs this opiate, for the whole world is suffering
inwardly. Christianity is full of stories of wealthy, pious people. The
Eastern Church is rife with saint stories of nobility who left
everything to become monks and nuns. But this is not the only kind
of story of pious wealthy people. Many people, monastic and laity,
were willing to abandon everything to do the work of God or to die
as martyrs, people such as St. Matthew the Evangelist, St. Paul the
Apostle, St. Zaccheus, St. Panteleimon, St. Chrysanthos, St. Basil
the Great, St. Elizabeth the Grand Duchess, St Vladimir of Kiev,
and St. Nicholas the Czar to name a few.
During the fourth century, there was a common heresy called
Arianism. This taught that Jesus was a separate entity from God.
The emperor St. Constantine wanted this doctrine to be true
because it implied that a man could be a god. The pagan Roman
tradition taught that the emperor was a deity of sorts (although
nobody really believed it). This hero-worship was also taught in
Seleucid Syria. But back to St. Constantine. However, when the
Church officially rejected Arianism in 325, Constantine submitted in

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humility. He did not force the Church to do anything, for they had
just endured a harsh persecution and were willing to suffer anything
for the gospel. On the contrary, they forced the emperor, who could
do anything he wanted, to submit to Truth.
Sts. Boris and Gleb of Kiev were early Christians in Kiev.
They were princes who held the power to the kingdom. Their pagan
brother, however, sought to murder them. Boris and Gleb did not
want to kill their brother, so they chose to die passively. This was
not done out of weakness but out of extreme strength, a strength
that only comes through the life-changing power of Jesus Christ.
So yes, people need an opiate. We all need crutches, for we
are all crippled. Only Jesus Christ can cure the sick and suffering.
Only Jesus Christ can change the heart of stone into a heart of
flesh. For a stone is not dead but completely inorganic. God is the
summation of all reality, and so without him we are participants in
non-reality much as coldness is the absence of heat or darkness
the absence of light. Only through Christ does the inorganic enter
into warm life. Only through Christ does the Light shine into the
darkness.

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The greatest apologetic is a renewed heart. Nothing can

show the world Christ's victory like a manifestation of that victory, its
effects. I'm not sure why, but the story of St. Elizabeth the newmartyr is one of the most touching stories I've ever read. She was
the grand-daughter of Queen Victoria of England. In 1884, she
married Sergei the Grand Duke of Russia. Soon after she
converted to Eastern Christianity. When Sergei was assassinated in
1905, she became a nun. Again, this is a very wealthy woman who
could have chosen to attend parties and live in extreme luxury.
Instead, she chose a life of discomfort, including vegetarianism. In
1908, she founded the Convent of Mary and Martha in Moscow
specifically to minister to the poor of the city. After the communist
revolution, for about a year the communists let the convent survive
because of its work. However, it was gospel work, and communism
is a political ideology, not a social welfare program. St. Elizabeth
could have left Russia safely since she was English nobility.
However, she chose to stay and comfort her friends. Her life ended
in a mine shaft tending to other people's wounds.

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Here's a story I found on the website of St. Gregory Palamas

monastery. Its author is not stated. In 1921 there broke out a jungle
fire in the Himalayas. While most of the people around were busy
putting it out, I noticed several men standing and looking fixedly into
a tree. What are you looking at? I asked. They, in reply, pointed to
a nest full of young birds in a tree whose branches were already
burning. Above it, a bird was flying about in great distress. They
said, We wish we could save that nest, but we cannot go near
because of the blazing fire. A few minutes later the nest caught
fire, and I thought, Now the mother bird will fly away. Instead, to
my great astonishment, I saw her fly down and spread her wings
over the young ones. In a few minutes the bird was burnt to ashes,
along with her youngsters. I had never seen anything like it before,
and I said to those standing near: Are we not astonished at this
wonderful love? Think how much more wonderful must be the love
of Him Who has created such an unselfish love in His, creatures.
Hannah W. Smith wrote, But now I began to see that if I took all
the unselfish love of every mothers heart the whole world over, and

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piled it all together, and multiplied it by millions, I would still only get
a faint idea of the unselfishness of God..."
This goes against the whole ethical reasoning of secularism.
The secularists claim that we only act on morals because of brain
chemicals, that morality is done to preserve society. Yet here we
have a story of an animal with no capacity for metaphysics
sacrificing herself to comfort the dying. No atheist can explain that.
Love heals, for God is love, and God is the great physician.
What is love? Well, God is love. Therefore, love is acting as God
does. "But Austin," you may say, "Non-Christians have love." No,
they have affection and compassion. Love in the Christian sense is
an analogy or metaphor. There is no real word to express Christian
love, so the Greeks translated it to agape () or sometimes
philos (). But neither word completely expresses God's virtue.
It is merely a translation of an unutterable but knowable concept.
Isn't it odd that what we long for most is literally indescribable? God
is love, and God is life. Therefore, love is life. When we do not have
love, we die. And when we do not have God, we die, which is why
God says he came to bring eternal life (John 3.16).

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Think about a woman whose husband beats her. What was

supposed to be a holy marriage has turned into something
repulsive. Women who have bean abused by their husbands,
brothers, or fathers often lose their sense of reason, conscience,
and identity. They become something less than human because
without love, we die.
Or consider Adam in the garden. He chose to steal from God
-- to take the fruit. God warned him that if he did, he would surely
die (Genesis 2.17). Not only did Adam die years later, but he also
had a radical change at that time. Then consider Jesus who died.
He chose to relinquish that which made Him God -- immortality.
This is why He says, "My God, My God, why have You forsaken
Me?" and why the Bible says God turned His back on Jesus. When
Jesus died, God cut off His love from Him in the sense that Jesus
was no longer with God. Of course, God always loved Jesus and
always loves us. But Jesus could not experience the fullness of
God's love when He chose to die just as we cannot experience the
fullness of God's love here on earth.

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Love is as necessary to us as shelter. God has programmed

us to desire both to give love and to receive it. This is why so much
of popular music is about romance, which is a form of love.
Consider the Queen song, "Somebody to Love." The singer isn't
looking for somebody to invest in him; he's looking for somebody
else to invest his energy in. This is why we say, "It is more blessed
to give than to receive."
When we give love, when we invest our energy into others,
we heal them. We let them know that they have value and identity
and that this value and identity is found in God. All kinds of affection
spring from God, but without God, our affection will be incomplete
and will never fully be as effective as it could be. There are many
forms of affection, and all of them are expressions of God's nature.
The most effective kind ofhuman affection can only be given by a
Christian, for only a Christian can reflect God's love.
When we love ourselves, we see ourselves as Christ sees
us. Then we can allow Christ to love us. When we allow Christ to
love us, then we can be healed and made more like God. The more
we allow Christ to love us, the more God-like we will become. The

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more God-like we become, the more we will be able to love others

and heal them. And the more we change the world for the better,
the happier we will be. One of the fruits of the Spirit is joy. If we
become God-like, we will experience God-like joy. This, dear
reader, is the secret to happiness: love.
I think a lot of Christians think that love is a feeling. Yes, we
always say, "Love is not a feeling." But I don't think we really
believe this. We ask, "Has this person felt love?" and not "Has this
person had love expressed to him?" Love is not sentiment. Love is
being as God is. If love were based on feelings, it would not be a
choice. In some sense, love is based in reason. After all, it is our
gift of reason that makes us human. Animals cannot love because
they are not made in God's image. Animals can express affection,
but affection is a feeling, not a choice. It is when we choose to
express affection even when we don't feel affection that we begin to
love.
But love is broader than expressing what we don't feel;
otherwise, love would be merely an act of dishonesty. Love can be
as simple as being around somebody who is lonely just for the sake

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of letting them know somebody cares. Sometimes love is a lack of

action -- a decision to be silent or idle. In this case, one could not
tell when somebody else is loving.
Love is about motivation, yet there must also be an active
decision made with it. Everything can be done with the wrong
motivation. Again, love is being as God is. Therefore, the action of
sitting with somebody lonely is in itself not love. Instead, love is the
desire for that person to feel valued as Christ values him.
A lot of churches talk about love but don't teach on it. Many
Christians couldn't even guess at a working definition of love. They
reference 1 Corinthians 13. However, this passage only describes
love; it does not define it. Love is a choice to act as God is. It is
summed up in the saying, "What would Jesus do?" And truly,
"There is no love like this, that a man would lay down his life for his
friends."
John Lennon said, "All you need is love" and that with that
you can do anything. I'm going to take an optimistic stance on this.
It would be easy for me to say that John Lennon's song is secularist

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and tries to accomplish God's work without God, which would be

true. However, I think he's halfway come to the solution.
The problem with love is that it must be defined. A mother
who drowns her children in a bathtub to protect them from their
abusive father has a love of some kind. To more practical
examples, we see that the Christian and the Empiricist would have
very different views on how to reform society. The Christian
believes that we all have something innate that gives us unique
value as a species and as eternal individuals, but the Empiricist
believes that we are merely matter that ends at death. [There are
some Christian Empiricists; I am only addressing the logical
conclusions of where Empiricism leads. Some would substitute the
term "Materialist".] So while both would build hospitals, the
Empiricist would focus on building a secular society and creating a
"heaven on earth", whereas the Christian would recognize the
importance of doctrinal truth from the Magisterium and would focus
on building individuals up to a knowledge of a supernatural Being.
The love we have for people must be a reflection of God, for
God is love, and anything that is not of God is not love. John

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Lennon's love is a kind of reflection of God, but it is murky. We all

have a stamp of God in us, and therefore we cannot help but
express love in some way. One could argue that all war is from
boredom and not really part of the human Geist (although I'm not
sure I agree). This innate desire to love must be harnessed and
controlled. A pitbull is dangerous if not properly trained (hence the
name), yet it is known as one of the most affectionate breeds. This
innate urge of compassion can lie and destroy society if not in
proper orientation toward God. Remember that all sin is goodness
out of God's order.
In our society, we have a dualisic view of evil. There are
good people and bad people in the world, and there must be a
conflict between the two. This is an old philosophical and religious
idea that has been manifested throughout history across the world.
The problem with this is that it shows a misunderstanding of
God. God is good. All goodness is Divine, that is, from and of God.
Therefore, anything that is not God is not good. This has several
implications. The first is that unless you are of God, that is, unless
you are a Christian, you are not a good person. You are a bad

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person. If you are a Christian, the only reason you are good is
because you are of Christ, for the apostle writes, "There is no
condemnation for he who is in Christ".
Another implication is that evil is a non-reality. God is all of
reality, and everything that exists is from him. Therefore, evil is the
lack of reality, for it is the lack of God. If God is goodness, and evil
is the opposite of goodness, thenevil does not exist.
This is why so many people across history have clung to
Christ. It seems like a strange obsession: monks and nuns enjoy
spending hours a day singing to God. Even the casual layman is
known to do radical things: reading the Bible for hours a day, living
selflessly, and perhaps even dying as a martyr. This is because
Christ is all of reality. When you are of Christ, you feel more real
and are more human than ever. Therefore, this strange passion for
Christ, which seems like foolishness to the world, is really what will
make us feel more satisfied than anything else. Merely chanting
ancient poetry and living selflessly seems boring and empty, and it
is if there is no deeper meaning behind it. If there was no God,

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Christianity would have tapered off long ago, and monasticism

would never have developed to the mass movement it became.
The love from God is why every other religion will not meet
your needs. Every religion has a piece of truth and tries to meet a
spiritual need that can only be met in Christ. It is often said that the
difference between Christianity and every other religion is that in
other religions, we are trying to reach God, but in Christianity, God
came to us. This is somewhat true but not as much as some people
think. There is nothing we can do to reach God. God has to come to
us and then offer us a way to him. Perhaps one could say that Allah
offers a way for man to reach him. There is also the pax deorum
(peace of the gods) of pagan Rome--please the gods and they will
please you. One could argue that all these requires works, but
Christianity does too (James 2.24, Psalm 51.17). Faith, after all, is
a work. That being said, I do not believe that we must earn our way
to God as if he promises something if we complete a checklist.
No, the main difference between Christianity and every other
religion is that our god is a relational god. Islam dogmatically
believes that God is unknowable. The belief that God would

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become a human and dwell in the womb of a woman is

inconceivable. The pagans, ancient and modern, pray to gods but
do not believe they can know them. Only the god of the Bible is
knowable. He is not innately knowable but is only so because he
chooses to make himself known. Every other god throughout the
world is at best only interested from a distance, much like that song
by Bette Midler.
Even if you believe the saints can hear your prayers, you
must believe that they are not relational. It's fine to ask the Blessed
Virgin to pray to you and to venerate her in song, but it's clear that
you don't know her as a person. There are times through history
when she has appeared to people, but even then she was acting as
a distant benefactor and not as a close friend.
How then is God relational? You do not go to movies with
God. You cannot tell him a joke. He is not your "best friend" as so
much of pop-Christianity likes to portray. But neither is God a
feeling like many "spiritual" people seem to believe (although they
would argue otherwise). God is not a self-enlightenment. He is not
a sense of peace. He is not in the wind and the flowers in the

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forest. He acts in the sacraments, but these are gifts from Him, not
Him Himself as a person. The Eucharist is certainly God, but it is
only for consumption.
This is one of the great mysteries of Christianity. Knowing
God is impossible to explain. It is beyond human speech. In this
mystery we see the a profound evidence of Christianity: the
experience of people across the world throughout history of a
relationship that completely alters their lives but cannot be
described. We know when He is near because we know Him, but
we cannot put into words what that knowing is like. We can only
give vague descriptions, such as when St. Isaac the Syrian said,
"Thirst for Christ and he will satisfy you with his love." We don't
thirst for Christ like we thirst for water. We don't feel his love in the
same way that we feel the love of our earthly fathers. And often we
don't even realize we have this hole that needs to be satisfied. But
those of us that have experienced it know how true this quote is.
Sometimes people convert to Christianity without knowing all
the doctrine. Perhaps they've yet to learn about Heaven or the
Trinity. These are such essentials to our faith that it seems weird

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that someone could sign up without fully understanding what they're

signing up for.
For centuries, Western theological thought has been built on
a progression of knowledge: first you show why God exists, then
you show why He is the Christian God, and finally you explain how
that affects what you believe. I think, though, that this is backwards.
Truth is more than doctrine. It is a mindset. Doctrine and
mindset flow out from each other. Thus Baptists act one way and
Catholics differently even though they have the same Bible and the
same basic morality. Both believe "you are justified by faith and not
of yourself lest any man should boast". Yet each Christian sect has
a very different feel not just in the worship and theology but in the
people. It is something literally beyond explanation by words.
To the person visiting a church, he may experience a
beautiful worship service and see that there must be a truth behind
it. Or he may come and feel a divine absence. In some sense, the
doctrine and formulae are irrelevant to the visitor because whatever
the church believes will affect everything they do. Likewise,
everything they do will affect what they believe.

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Love is the opiate of the human race. Only love will grow a
church. Only love will give a person Nietzschean strength. Only
love will cause men to turn their swords into plowshares and the
wealthy to sell their possessions for the poor. Only love will turn us
into humans.

Spirituality: God Minus God

We live in a world where words no longer carry meaning. So
few people misuse the words random and passive. One thing I've
never understood is the meaning of spirituality. Isn't any kind of
belief in the supernatural a belief in the spiritual? Yet there are
atheists who claim to be spiritual. It seems as though spirituality is
like religion for the non-religious, a kind of self-awareness. Note the
worn-out and perhaps never popular series of Chicken Soup for the
<blank> Soul.
Is spirituality just watered-down religion? Can one walk into
the woods and experience God just like one would in church? Or is
spirituality a means of having eudemonia (that is, leading a well-

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balanced life of virtue and correct priorities)? Is this eudemonia the

same principle for everyone, or does it differ by person? I can feel
"at peace with myself" (whatever that means) in St. John
Chrysostom's Liturgy, but perhaps someone else feels more
"whole" (again, I don't know what these terms mean) in a Buddhist
temple. "They" say that the Koran, when sung properly in Arabic, is
beautiful and makes one feel "at rest". But what if I get bored with
Chrysostom's Liturgy? Should I switch "faith traditions" every time I
get bored or uncomfortable? Perhaps the whole purpose of religion
is just to find a place where you feel comfortable and optimistic.
Spirituality is not watered-down religion. The word religion is
from the Latin religare, meaning to bind. Religion is a belief in
something absolute and supernatural with a purpose and method to
be applied during one's lifetime. Spirituality, it seems, is like soft
Aristotelian morality, like a self-help philosophy, but founded on
emotional highs instead of Aristotle's abstract principles of virtue.
It's kind of like listening to your high school guidance counselors
giving their advice on making good choices in life.

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Spirituality seeks the results of religion without any of the

intellectual and practical requirements. It is American instant
gratification at the philosophical level. To the spiritual person, there
is no need to hold to offensive beliefs or commit to regularly
attending a prayer service. No work, mental or physical, is
necessary to find God. How one achieves God is entirely up to trial
and error, and it varies with each person. Just make sure you enjoy
your time. That is the spiritualist worldview, and it is anti-thetical to
religion.
I had a friend who once said that she was surprised that as
well-educated as I am, I don't believe that whatever beliefs
someone has are good as long as it works for them. To her, the
purpose of education is to learn to not believe in anything or to
learn to gain a sense of eudemonia, both of which can easily be
accomplished without the annoyance of college education.
I am not a spiritualist. Why religion is so important is for
another article, but my point in this is that one should not be
confused about spirituality. This worldview has often infested
Christianity. More and more, we see an attitude among

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fundamentalists as though Jesus is their surfer dude and wants to

give them a kind of emotional high. The many problems with
fundamentalism is, again, for another article, and I realize that this
trend is often rejected by conservative protestantism.
Nevertheless, in contemporary Christian music we see a
downplay of the doctrinal themes in the old hymns for new themes
about how Jesus is our friend who saved us from an ocean of sin
and despair. The lyrics may be true (Jesus is our friend, and he has
saved us), but these songs are geared to evict an emotional
response. For example, notice that when the pastor gives the
invitation at the end of the sermon, there is usually a slow song
about how Jesus is calling. Why does the Holy Spirit need
background music? No where in the Bible does it say that you need
emotional music so that you can manipulate someone into saying a
prayer with a sincere heart at one finite moment so that no matter
what happens later in life he won't have to go to hell. If anything,
the Bible says the opposite (2 Corinthians 2.1-5).
One may object that having music during the invitation is an
old tradition whereas relativistic spirituality is a new trend. I have a

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few objections to that. 1) This is just one example of how emotional

spirituality has infested church. 2) There are no new trends.
Everything is recycled. 3) I have seen good ways to do invitation
music. Often in churches we see things done similarly for very
different reasons (still another article). 4) My point in this article is
not to attack church music but to show you that you should be on
the lookout for compromise in conservative Christianity and new,
pseudo-conservative Christianity. This is one example, but the
applications are everywhere. For practice, just pick up a book by
Max Lucado.
On the excellent internet radio show Worship in Spirit and
Truth, Fr. Thomas Hopko, as a side point, talked some about
spirituality. I thought I'd summarize that for you and add some of my
own thoughts.
He mentions how a lot of people say, "I'm not religious. I'm
spiritual." Basically, they want the benefits of God without having to
worship God. Worship is submission, which requires humility and
self-denial, both of which are painful and constant. So instead,
people find their "own way" to some kind of self-enlightenment.

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Dogma is discarded often because it is either uncomfortable to say

something which excludes other beliefs or lifestyles (relativism) or
because there are so many dogmata that it may be hard to find
what is truly true (skepticism). God is then reduced to a kind of drug
feeling.
Can we get this feeling of God without the dogmata of
Christianity? The answer is no, because they are not experiencing
God. The Christian God is not a god of good feelings or
eudemonism. The Christian God is a relational being, and without
Christian dogmata, you cannot experience Christ. Without Christ,
you cannot experience God (John 14.6). People can talk all they
want about being homesick and having a direct connection to the
transcendent being all they want in a similar way that the eastern
religions do. God minus Christ leads to a lie.

Is the God of the Old Testament the Same as that of the New
Testament?
We have an old idea that the God of the Old Testament was
very different than that of the New Testament. The OT God was
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angry and uncompromising, and the NT God is compassionate and

flaky.
This is an over-generalization from those who have either
not read the Bible or have read it but didn't pay attention (which is
very possible and common). Isaiah 57.15-16 (Brenton) says: Thus
saith the Most High, who dwells on high for ever, Holy in the holies,
is his name, the Most High resting in the holies, and giving patience
to the faint-hearted, and giving life to the broken-hearted: I will not
take vengeance on you for ever, neither will I be always angry with
you: for my Spirit shall go forth from me, and I have created all
breath.
Inversely, in the NT we see Jesus as being short-tempered.
John 3.1-12 (NKJV) says: There was a man of the Pharisees
named Nicodemus, a ruler of the Jews. This man came to Jesus by
night and said to Him, Rabbi, we know that You are a teacher
come from God; for no one can do these signs that You do unless
God is with him. Jesus answered and said to him, Most assuredly,
I say to you, unless one is born again, he cannot see the kingdom
of God.Nicodemus said to Him, How can a man be born when he
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is old? Can he enter a second time into his mothers womb and be
born? Jesus answered, Most assuredly, I say to you, unless one is
born of water and the Spirit, he cannot enter the kingdom of God.
That which is born of the flesh is flesh, and that which is born of the
Spirit is spirit.Do not marvel that I said to you, You must be born
again. The wind blows where it wishes, and you hear the sound of
it, but cannot tell where it comes from and where it goes. So is
everyone who is born of the Spirit. Nicodemus answered and said
to Him, How can these things be? Jesus answered and said to
him, Are you the teacher of Israel, and do not know these things
Most assuredly, I say to you, We speak what We know and testify
what We have seen, and you do not receive Our witness.If I have
told you earthly things and you do not believe, how will you believe
if I tell you heavenly things.
I understand that Jesus cannot sin, and I realize that the
gospel writers were bad at making tone of voice clear. St. John is
especially known for having a deficient knowledge of Greek. But
Christ here seems incompassionate. Nicodemus is asking a
question in humility and honesty, and Jesus seems to be criticizing

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him for not knowing the answer to a strange and new paradox.
Perhaps Nicodemus should have known better, or perhaps Jesus
wasn't as curt as the text sounds. Nevertheless, we do see that
Jesus is not playing by what we perceive as being polite.
Some would suggest that the OT and NT offer two different
sides of the same God, but I disagree with that. Yes, God in the OT
endorsed genocide and monarchism and was arguably (although I
would disagree with some of this) somewhat tolerant of slavery,
murder, polygamy, rape, and theft. But throughout the OT we see
God waiting for man to repent, knowing he wouldn't. God gives
different nations many chances to repent, and then brings his
revenge when they have finally sinned enough (Leviticus 18.24-28,
Genesis 15.16). St. Paul further explains this in Romans 1.18-32.
2 Kings 2.23-24 (Brenton): And he went up thence to Bethel:
and as he was going up by the way there came up also little
children from the city, and mocked him, and said to him, Go up,
bald-head, go up. And he turned after them, and saw them, and
cursed them in the name of the Lord. And, behold, there came out

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two bears out of the wood, and they tore forty and two children of
them.
There are many passages in the Bible, especially in the Old
Testament, when God seems evil or over-bearing. Did these youths
really do something so wrong? It seems to harsh to punish them so
severely. Perhaps the punishment does not fit the crime.
The problem with modern Christianity is that it is infested
with secular humanism. It is not your place to tell God what is and
is not the right thing to do. God always acts one of two ways: either
with justice or with mercy but never with evil. To me, this
punishment to the 42 seems too harsh, but I recognize that God's
ways are higher than my ways. If I could tell God what is and is not
right, then I would have no need of the Bible. We all have an innate
sense of morality, but this is often skewed and affected by outside
influences. Christianity is about humility and submission of the will
and intellect, and to tell God that he should not have killed the 42 is
an act of blasphemy.

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What about the parts in the law where God says that you
may captured a city and marry its virgins by force? Wow, this one is
difficult to write on. Heads will roll.
A lot of people say that because the Bible has marriage
under compulsion, it must espouse rape. Let's look at this in detail.
Technically, this is true. However, lying under this is the fallacy of
equivocation. This fallacy is when you take two terms that sound
the same but mean different things and pretend that they are one
and the same. For example, "Billy makes good grades. Therefore,
Billy is a good person."
When people think of rape, they think of, at best, someone's
boyfriend forcing himself on her in a parked car, and at worst, some
violent stranger in a dark alley. There is no commitment or respect
involved here.
What the Bible is talking about is akin to arranged marriage.
Any form of arranged marriage, which is the norm in almost every
culture throughout time, is a form of rape. But this is not a bad thing
necessarily. Arranged marriages are shown much more to be stable
than our western sense of love. The two to be married come into it

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with a sense of each having a role and a need to fulfill for the
others, and that involves so much more than sex.
Nowhere in the Bible does it promote the kind of fornicationrape people think of. Nowhere does it tell people to have sex with
somebody without any sense of commitment, willing or unwilling.

If God is Omni-potent, Can His Will be Thwarted?

That's a very pregnant question. The answer, I believe, is
yes, but only if He allows it. Ultimately, God's will will always
triumphant, but God has indirectly allowed people to thwart his will.
It is within God's will to be thwarted so that he can bring greater
glory to himself. We don't always know the reason why God allows
bad things, but the Christian life is about learning humility through
recognizing God's greatness and mystery.
A Modest Mouse song accuses God of wanting to be "a
control freak". This is interesting. Why would God want to be in
control. There's so much trouble around, and much or all of it
causes him sorrow. Why shouldn't he just abandon us and let us

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destroy ourselves? He certainly doesn't need us, and every time He

saves us, we betray Him again.
There are two answers to this. The first is that God is not like
us. He doesn't respond to situations like we do, He doesn't value
the ideals that we do, and He doesn't view people like we do. What
seems to us a burden or a nuisance isn't necessarily so to God, or
if it is, then it is in a different way.
The second is that, yes, God wants to be a control freak. He
made the world for a reason, and he's interested in that reason
being fulfilled. St. Athanasios says that it's like if a king established
a colony, andthen while he was away, a foreign nation conquered
it. Would not the king be interested in recovering the colony? To
God, the world is like a machine with some kinks that need ironing
out. Eventually, God will fix it, and his plan will be accomplished.

What about the Mentally Retarded?

What should we do with the mentally retarded? Obviously, human
life is sacred. But should people really invest much time into
mentally retarded adults? I think about the movie There's
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Something about Mary. Mary spent many hours volunteering to

help the retarded, but retarded people will never be able to have a
conversion experience.
I have two responses to this. The first is that we do not do
charity to convert people; we do charity because we see people as
Christ sees them. If someone converts through charity, then that is
good, but evangelism should never be the main focus of charity.
Otherwise, we view people as objects, like a checklist or a number.
The second is that you do not know whether a retarded
person can have a relationship with God. For that matter, neither do
you know the heart of an infant. Consider the story of St. Bogolep
the child schemamonk. I won't go into detail here, but suffice it to
say that an infant lived a holy and monastic life. You may look it up
on the internet It's fine if you don't believe it, but it's an interesting
thought. Who is to say that a child cannot love God just because he
is not old enough to understand the theology of atonement? After
all, Christ said,
"Let the children come unto Me and hinder them not, for of
such is the Kingdom of God. Truly I tell ye: whosover cometh not to

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the Kingdom of God as a little child, shalt not enter therein. And,
having hugged them, He raised His hands over them and He
blessed them." (Mk.10:1416).
Also, if people are truly responsible for their own sins, then
we cannot make exceptions to children and the mentally
incapacitated. The theology of atonement demands that anyone,
regardless of mental state, has the ability to commune with God to
some degree.

Is the Hypocrisy of Christians Evidence against Christianity?

This one may have a surprise answer. I would argue that
yes, this is evidence against Christianity. People think that this is a
logical fallacy because just because one doesn't follow his own
advice the value of the advice isn't negated. Normally, this is a
fallacy.
But with Christianity, a person says, "Jesus Christ has
changed my life and turned me into a better person." If this person
does not have a life change, then the listener will assume that
Jesus Christ has no power. The logic is:
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: Jesus Christ has power to change lives.

: I have allowed Jesus Christ to change my life.
: I have a life change.

Premise: If both and are true, must be true.

Premise: is not true.
Conclusion: Either or both and are not true. (modus tollens)

So if there is not life change, the person is either lying or

Jesus Christ is powerless. The person, however, truly believes that
he has allowed Jesus Christ to change his life. So the next
syllogism runs:

Premise: or is true but not both.

Premise: is true.
Conclusion: cannot be true. (disjunctive syllogism)

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The listener naturally assumes that is true because the

person seems sincere. We know, though, that is false and is
true.
Even for us, though, this often takes a lot of faith when it
seems that most Christians are hypocrites. One could say, "Just
have faith in God despite what you see," but it isn't that simple. If
Jesus doesn't have the power to change lives, then we are fools.
Sometimes, the greatest discouragement comes when even our
own lives fail to change despite how much we want them to.
What then shall we do? After all, [let us assume] many false
religions change people's lives for the better. Maybe then those few
Christians who are changed have unknowingly done it apart from
Christ.
I think, perhaps erroneously, that the best answer is not to
look at your actions but at your heart. This is very difficult to do.
Furthermore, your should examine your own heart and not worry
about others'. If Jesus has changed your heart, then is true. If
Jesus hasn't, then you don't really believe in and therefore
haven't allowed to happen either. can only happen if is true.

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You cannot have a life change if you don't want it or don't really
believe Jesus is able.
So the real question is, do you want Jesus to change your
life? Do you want to be unconcerned with material objects, to pour
contempt upon all your pride, and to live your life as though you
have no rights or entitlements? It's a nice ideal, but is that really
what you want?

Are Christians and Muslims Necessarily Enemies?

Okay, this is ridiculous. Islam is really a political ideology
masked as a religion. When Islam first rose, they immediately
sought to conquer the world by military force. Christianity on the
other hand converted people through missionary-martyrs. Muslims
within years of Mohammed's death conquered Christian countries
and began oppressing churches and desecrating holy sights.
What about the Crusades? Aren't the Christians violent? To
that I have two responses. First, the Christians were trying to
recover what was stolen, to protect sacred sights, and defend the
places not yet conquered. It was actually a very pure motivation.
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Second, human beings just like to fight. If you remember

reading the Iliad, the people fighting were more concerned with
their own plunder and glory than with recovering Menelaus's bitchy,
whore-wife. In our own society, we like WWE, MMA, football,
hockey, and hunting, claiming they are "just sports". Throughout
history, people will find any excuse to fight. So the Crusades, to a
large extent, were also a political ideology masked as a religion,
which is in contrast to the peaceful martyr-missionary work of the
first few centuries. After all, wanting to protect holy sights, the
explicit mission of the wars, would seem to be in opposition to rape
and pillaging (which the Catholics also did to the Orthodox
Christians in 1204, although there was previous violent tension
between both sides). The Crusades were inspired by religion, but
they were driven by human greed.
So, are Christians and Muslims necessarily enemies? No,
but history has pitted us against each other so many times, that it
would be naive to say that we aren't. As long as the Muslims try to
destroy Christianity, they will be our enemies just as the Stalinists
were.

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Is Christianity Misogynist?
A conversation recently:
Friend: Even modern Catholicism is so misogynist.
Me: Okay. Give me an example.
Friend: Eve is Pandora letting all evil into the world.
Me: Adam sinned also.
Friend: But he blames her.
Me: Yes, but she then blames the snake. Then God says that all
three are punished.
Friend: Austin, its misogynist. It just is. Theres no way around it.
There are some doubtful things about Christianity. For
example, there are times when God seems to be deceitful (Luke
24.28, 1 Kings 22. 21-23).There is also the problem of theodicy,
that is, how can there be a just God despite evil and suffering in the
world. But it seems anti-Christians tend to focus on the most easily
provable things. Out of every complaint against Christianity and the
Bible, it being misogynist is perhaps the most weakly founded. It
seems as though the more you prove something, whether religion,

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politics, or academia, the more fiercely people reject it if they

wanted to anyway.
For one thing, consider how St. Paul says that men and
women own each others bodies and that men should treat women
with respect (to my understanding, he does not tell the women the
same about respecting men, but I could be wrong). Consider also
how he says that marriage is a mystical union between two people.
These were radical statements in ancient Greece. This was a
society where family was property and marriage was a legal
contract. St. Paul raises up women to be mens equals and to be
valued as human beings. Just because one could abuse his wife
doesnt mean one should have.
Ephesians 5.25, Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ
loved the church and gave himself up for her. The irony is that
often these anti-Christians are the ones who claim that Jesuss
message of love was forgotten by St. Paul and the later church.
Instead, St. Paul is equating Christs sacrifice as how men should
treat women.

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Now one may say that St. Paul did not make women equals
but in fact told them to be quiet. My first response to this is that,
again, it was radical that women were allowed in church in that
culture considering that women generally were removed from
society. My second, and really the focal point of this essay, is that
just because men and women are different does not make one
inferior to the other. God made each different for different purposes
involving more than just sexuality (which is why homosexuality is
wrong, although that is another essay). Women had a place in
society, and in the Bible, old and new testaments, God fits them in
the cultural atmosphere without degrading them into objects. Just
because it seems degrading to us liberal moderns does not mean
that everyone throughout history had thought so.
But, you may object, women are forbidden to be clergy. This
goes back to my last point. Just because the women are not
allowed to be in leadership in the church does not mean that they
are second-class Christians. Rather, God made men a certain way,
and although there are times when a woman must do mens work

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(consider Deborah in Judges), it is not the way God planned and

shows the depravity of society.
Consider how St. Paul often acknowledges his female friends at the
end of his letters, saying how well they are living the Christian life.
Also, when Christ arose from the dead, the first people he
appeared to were women. These anti-Christians often forget
Jesuss and St. Pauls close female friends.
The most revered saint in the church is the Virgin Mary. Not
Peter, Paul, or John, but Mary. Furthermore, through monasticism,
women gained an important service to the church. History aside,
think about the clich of the Catholic American nun teaching school
or running an orphanage. Notice that there is no clich about the
Catholic American male monk or priest doing the same. With
history back in, we find that throughout the history of Christianity,
east and west, the monastic life of both genders played an integral
role in ecclesiology. The convent gave women a place to serve the
church in the West. In eastern Christianity, priests usually were
married, so other than the convent life, women could serve the
people along with their husbands, even if there was no formal

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ordination or sacramental role for them. Consider the average

Baptist pastors wife and how she interacts with his congregation.
The notion that women remained forgotten in the
background throughout the Bible and church history is cheap
rhetoric and a blatant ignoral of the facts. If anything, it shows the
weakness of the anti-Christians convictions. If they so tightly cling
to such a ridiculous notion, perhaps they believe in Christianity
more than they wish to admit to themselves. And so they find a
seemingly easy and heavy topic such as misogyny and attack with
it as desperately as they can.
I had a friend (same friend as above) tell me about this
passage saying St. Augustine is misogynist. De trinitate 12.7.10.
Game on.

"For this text says that human nature itself, which is complete [only]
in both sexes, was made in the image of God; and it does not
separate the woman from the image of God which it signifies."

Strike one.

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"But when she is referred separately to her quality of help-meet,

which regards the woman herself alone, then she is not the image
of God; but as regards the man alone, he is the image of God as
fully and completely as when the woman too is joined with him in
one."

Jesus was a man. Jesus was God. Therefore, maleness can fully
express godness. Strike two.

"As we said of the nature of the human mind, that both in the case
when as a whole it contemplates the truth it is the image of God;
and in the case when anything is divided from it, and diverted in
order to the cognition of temporal things; nevertheless on that side
on which it beholds and consults truth, here also it is the image of
God, but on that side whereby it is directed to the cognition of the
lower things, it is not the image of God."
Here he's saying that women think of the lower things. By
"lower", I think he's reflecting Carol Gilligan. Men make ethical

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decisions based on abstract principles because they define

themselves by society. Women make ethical decisions based upon
those they care about because they define themselves by their
families. Men and women are different. We each have a special
role. Men need women to think about lower (which is different than
inferior) things. A man is not fully a man without a woman, hence
why God created her. I can't work in society without a wife to take
care of the household, and a woman can't love a family without a
man to provide for her. Strike three. Out.

Nietzsche's Genealogy of Morals

Nietzsche has an interesting objection to Christianity. He
claims if you look at ancient literature, morality began not as a
matter of justice but of beauty. The hero of the Odyssey is really
asinine. He's traveling around, exploring dangerous things, ignoring
wise advice, and indirectly kills all his men. Nietzsche says that with
Christianity, morality shifted and human nature became perverted.
The problem with this argument is that long before Christ,
the Athenians saw a moral problem with their morality. They
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decided that divinity must be good, but their conventional gods

were bad. Zeus was the sky-father god to be admired, yet he
constantly abuses women. The Athenians chose to reject their
mythology for a kind of proto-deism. For those more spiritually
thirsty, various cults came both from within (Epicurius, Pythagoras)
and imported from the Near East.
Into this world of radical pluralism and pseudo-agnosticism
Christ was born to tie the loose ends so to speak. Christ was the
manifestation of that for which they had been looking. For
centuries, the Greeks had sought what "the good life" might be,
trying various social experiments.
Nietzsche has many interesting and very true things to say
about human nature, but this is not one of them. It is a valid
objection to Christianity, but it does not hold water. Many different
societies have very different views of morality. [This is a good topic
for another article.] Some of these are more similar to Christianity
(Buddhism I'm assuming, perhaps erroneously) than others
(Ancient Athenian Humanism).

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Salvation through Romance: The Soteriology of Secular

Americanism
Here's a game to show how misfocused our society is: think
of a movie from the last 15 years that does not have romance in it.
Perhaps a documentary. The occasional horror film. Maybe a
remake of an old movie. Even Troy, a film about the bloody, he-man
struggle of Achilles, twisted the story to make a minor character, the
sex slave, into the female lead role, Achilles's now true love.
Whether a movie is a comedy or is about fighting robots, Hollywood
always puts romance in films because they know how much we
crave it.
Now you might be protesting that there is nothing wrong with
romance. Already has the Enemy deceived you! No, there is
nothing wrong with romance; it is a God-created gift. But all things
out of order are evil. One of Satan's favorite tricks is to pervert
something good, and then market it as though it is the original
product. The problem with America's view of marriage, sexuality,
and romantic love is that we believe that only through finding the

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right person will we ever be happy. I say "we" because secular

society's values have always tainted Christianity.
Notice in movies you rarely see old committed couples.
Normally, the people are young and often are just now meeting
each other. We see them cuddling together and sharing jokes.
Romance is portrayed as finding the right person who will make you
happy. If you're with a person (say, your spouse after years of
infighting) who isn't making you happy, then you've missed out on
the greatest joy life has to offer. If you're an abstaining Christian,
then you should make sure you get married quickly so that you can
experience all the glory the world has to offer.
We can see how anti-Christ this is. Marriage is for your own
sanctification, not for your casual pleasure. We see also that this is
a very American ideal when compared to other cultures and
religions. Your spouse is a creature; if you will make her into your
Christ, then you will have rejected God. Mankind cannot serve two
masters; he will love the one and hate the other. This is why Christ
says that if a man cannot hate his family, he cannot follow Him.

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What then is the Christian soteriology? It is not salvation

through pleasure but salvation through suffering, for nothing is
more painful and difficult than humbling yourself before God. Yet
this humility brings true freedom. As the old song goes, "When I
survey the wonderous cross on which the King of Glory died, all the
vain things I count but loss and pour contempt upon all my pride."
Nothing about that song sounds like fun. That is why Christianity
will always be opposed to society. Christianity is a call to come and
suffer. And through this suffering, we find the greatest joy which no
other person can offer.

Knowing is not Proving

There's a parable that belief in God is like a train going over
a hill. On one end is theism, and on the other is atheism. The train
is always somewhere between the two (but never completely in the
middle). However, you can never know for certain whether God is
real or not.
The problem with this is that it confuses knowing with
proving. I believe in God like I believe in the color green. I can't
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prove green exists to a colorblind person. I can't describe green.

But I see it everywhere.
I have a pretty good idea of what green is like. It's certainly
not red. It's not blue, although there are some similarities. I don't
know what exactly it is, but I know it exists, and I know how it
relates to me.

Christ at the Right Time

The Bible says that Christ came at the fulfillment of time. If
you look at the development of Greco-Roman thought, you'll see
that Christ came when people were most receptive to him.
In the beginning, the Greeks believed in pagan gods. But
when they looked at the stories about them, the gods did not act
morally; instead they acted too much like humans. The Greeks also
began to see the inconsistencies and failures in the pagan rituals.
So people began to decide through logic how the cosmos is
ordered. This was the beginning of philosophy. In time, the
philosophers also developed mathematics and ethical theories.

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Gradually, these turned into religious cults (Plato, Pythagoras,

Epicurius). Over time, though, the Greeks (and later the Romans)
produced fewer and fewer philosophers as they saw how none of
them ever achieved the answer. The world became relativistic and
hedonistic. Much like in our society, skepticism (Sextus Empiricus
and to some extent Plato) and existentialism (Lucretius and
Horace) became the dominant worldviews.
The Romans had very few philosophers. Christ came at the
height of Roman literature. However, most of Roman literature was
entertainment. There was also a phenomenon not commonly found
in Greek literature: anti-societal writers. Some like Juvenal sought
to reform Roman moral. Others like Ovid and Petronius were only
nihilistic, mocking any and everything about the facade that was
Rome. Then during the last few centuries of the Roman empire, few
secular writers emerged as society imploded on its own hedonism.
For a while, Caesar Augustus proved hopefully. With
totalitarian, sometimes oppressive, measures to reform Roman
morality, it looked as though the Roman geist might be brought
back to its ancient ideal. This was not a new phenomenon; often

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the Roman government would do things like restrict how much

jewelry women could wear in order to impose a morality on people.
But all of this was glazing over the real depravity underneath. You
cannot change the greed and lusts of men with a law.
Into this world, Christ came. Over the next few centuries, the
various ethnic groups clung to this new philosophy-cult, sometimes
even to death. In a world of facades and false solutions, Christianity
provided a deeper sense of reality and meaning than anything their
world could offer them. If Christ had come at the height of Greek
philosophy or sometime before, perhaps Christianity wouldn't have
caught on. Instead, the world needed to first experience how
crippled it is without Him in order to be receptive to Him. Christ was
at the right time.
And this is the age we are in now. Modern humanism has
burned itself out into skepticism and existentialism, and skepticism
always yield apathy and hedonism. Christ will either return soon or
He will spark a revival. But society cannot continue in the burnedout phase we are in now. Otherwise, we will implode just like pagan
Rome did.

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Why Do Mormonism and Islam Have More Devout Followers?

Because they're cults. If you break their strict moral codes,
you're ostracized or God hates you or something. Mormons aren't
necessarily "good people" because every good deed can be done
for the wrong reason. It's one thing to stay with your family because
you're concerned about what would happen if you left; it's another
thing to stay with them because all your friends will hassle you and
God won't let you rule a planet.
But Christianity is a religion of redemption. If you break the
rules, God forgives you! He cares about your motivations at heart,
and if you only love him, then you will get to go to heaven. You don't
have to say certain prayers or fast or make pilgrimages lest the
Divine incinerates you. No, God cares about you at heart. That's
the difference between Christianity and every other religion. Other
religions provide a way to reach a distant God, but Christianity has
a personal and relational God reaching down to you.

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All Truth is Always Divisive

All truth is always divisive. Think about all the political rivalry.
People take others' views very offensively, and often political
analysists (Anne Coulter for example) spend most of their energy
insulting their opponents.
Screw Lynyrd Skynyrd. Seriously, I hate them more than I
hate the Nazi party. Are you offended? Why? To you, it is true that
Lynyrd Skynyrd is a good band. If I disagree with your truth,
something inside of you screams.
Then there are Christian denominations. If the Presbyterians
baptize infants, the Baptists think it's sacrilege. But when some
Baptists don't accept all five points of Calvinism, the Presbyterians
think the Baptists misunderstand the very essence of salvation or,
worse, have a lack of concern for doctrinal integrity. Some
Christians, in the interest of keeping peace, have decided that
these differences are insignificant, and to state otherwise is to be
"legalistic".
On a greater scale, our society wants to believe differences
in religions are insignificant. If you believe that homosexuality is a
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sin or that hippie Islam is not true Islam, then you are ignorant. As
Francis Schaefer points out, people will do anything to keep their
personal peace.
And surely Jesus must have believed this too. That man was
all about peace and love. He hung out with prostitutes and tax
collector's for Christ's sake! (pun intended)
People don't like to take Jesus's message as a whole. Our
society is a cafeteria society. At best, we can adapt Christianity's
morality to society. Abstinence until marriage is too hard, but
perhaps we should save sex only for true love. Loving your
enemies is a good motto, but sometimes you really deserve
revenge, and it often doesn't really hurt the person. If you're really a
saint, then you'll "turn the other cheek" and stew passively in
bitterness.
In Matthew 10 (NASB), Jesus says, 34 Do not think that I
came to bring peace on the earth; I did not come to bring peace,
but a sword. 35For I came to set a man against his father, and a
daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her

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mother-in-law; 36and a mans enemies will be the members of his

household."
I sometimes wonder if that makes Jesus sound more like a
hippie or less (just a joke). Jesus knew that all truth is always
divisive. The good news, though, is that he gave us something
important to be divisive about. We don't have to be passionate
about music tastes or tax reform. Instead, we can be divisive about
sanctification and transfiguration. As CS Lewis says in Man Versus
Rabbit*, "To the Materialist things like nations, classes, civilizations
must be more important than individuals, because the individuals
live only seventy odd years each and the group may last for
centuries. But to the Christian, individuals are more important, for
they live eternally; and races, civilizations and the like, are in
comparison the creatures of a day. The Christian and the Materialist
hold different beliefs about the universe. They cant both be right.
The one who is wrong will act in a way which simply doesnt fit the
real universe. Consequently, with the best will in the world, he will
be helping his fellow creatures to their destruction."

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This certainly seems like something to be passionate about.

We are not in the business of making society a better place.
Instead, we are interested in transfiguring and sanctifying all of
creation. So be divisive, hate thy mother and thy father, be
crucified, pray in the name of Jesus (instead of to "our heavenly
father God"), and let the dead bury their own dead.

Homosexuality and Gender Roles

I don't need the Bible to tell me that Homosexuality is
unhealthy. I think it is pretty obvious if you just think about it.
Assume gay sex is as completely fulfilling and natural as
regular sex. Just pretend. Now let's look at the emotional side of
homosexuality. You, as a man, are trying to receive from another
man the emotional support of a woman. Likewise, as a man, you
are trying to give the emotional support only a woman can give.
This is obviously unnatural. Your drinking buddies cannot provide
for you the way a wife can.

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Homosexuality is a by-product of feminism. If men and

women are really equal (meaning that they are the same), and if
the difference between them is only physical and some minor
differences in brain function, and if all patriarchal gender roles are
necessarily unfair and oppressive, then there is no reason for
homosexuality to be wrong.
Not only has our society divorced itself from the Biblical view
of gender roles but so have churches. I am not referring to women's
ordination. Many evangelical churches love talking about how
wrong abortion, worrying, and pre-marital sex is, but they won't
mention divorce or family dynamics! Pastors avoid talking about
Biblical gender roles like the plague, and they especially won't
confront someone about divorce.
Some years ago, I was wandering around the United
Methodist website. There was a testimonial about how a woman
had divorced her husband but they still go to the same church. I
think that's revolting. After all, Jesus said, "Do not think that I have
come to bring peace to the earth. I have not come to bring peace,
but a sword." (Matt. 10.34)

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Yes, there are times for divorce, and sometimes a marriage

really is dead. But it should always be treated heavily by the
church; divorce is not just a form you sign so you can forget about a
failed experiment. The reason we call marriage "Holy Matrimony" is
because it is a sacred thing (1 Cor. 7). Therefore, to break apart a
marriage is an act of sacrilege (perhaps the only justifiable reason
for sacrilege). We shouldn't become desensitized to sacrilege; we
should become horrified.
Don't look down on the Methodists for being negligent. They
are by no means alone among conservative evangelical
denominations. You cannot take the parts of the Bible you like and
ignore the rest. You cannot be a cafeteria Christian.

Minor Contradictions in the Gospels

There are minor narrative contradictions in the gospels.
Different days of the week for the resurrection. Whether Jesus
cursed the fig tree before entering Jerusalem or after.

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I think these are important. If the disciples were trying to

create a work of fiction to deceive the masses, then they would
have coordinated their stories. Surely they wouldn't have made
such careless errors. But if the gospels are truly the works of
someone's memory, then there would be minor errors.
Does this mean that the Bible is fallen? No! John 20 says:
30 Now

Jesus did many other signs in the presence of the disciples,

which are not written in this book;

31 but

these are written so that

you may believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God, and that
by believing you may have life in his name.
Nowhere in those verses does he mention archeology or
Aristotelian logic. Whether Jesus rose from the dead on
Wednesday or Sunday has no bearing on whether or not we are
free from death. It does not affect the message of his parables or
nullify his miracles.
Does this mean that God did not inspire the gospels? Again,
this is the wrong view of inspiration. The Bible is infallible in doctrine
and moral teaching. But apparently, God wasn't very concerned

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with perfect history when was writing His Word. You can ask Him
why when you get to Heaven.
Does this mean that King David didn't live? That's not a
minor error. Every ancient historian had some errors. Livy, Plutarch,
and whoever else contradict each other sometimes. But we don't
discredit the whole of their works because of small things.

God Logically Cannot be Anything but a Person

Despite what society, church, and the GLBT tell you, words
have meaning. It is intellectually dishonest to use them however it
may feel to you. People abuse and misuse words such as
"judging", "grace", "gravity", and many, many others.
One such word is "energy". People think that God is an
energy in that he is a force like the wind. The word is from the
Greek meaning "work in". For something to be an energy, it has to
have an active source. God can emit energy, but he could not be an
energy unless something were to create God. Nor can this energygod be idle and distant, for an energy implies action.

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Is God merely a force or pantheism? If so, we should

probably call Him something else. The Greek word "theos" is
related to the word "theater", which is from the verb "theasthai",
meaning "to see". A god is someone who can see and control
everything (which is partly why ancient emperors would declare
themselves to be gods).
If God is a force, then he is merely a feature of physics like
gravity or heat. If he is pantheism, then he is the sum total of all
matter, which again means that he is just a physics term. These are
the only other ways people have come to define "god". Therefore,
either God is a person, or He does not exist at all.

A Different Gospel for Us All

If you asked your Christian friends what the gospel means to
them, they would all say something different. Some would say it's
about finding value and purpose only where it matters. Others that
they've been forgiven everything. Some that you don't have to
worry about anything or fear death. Learn to live rightly. Find an

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anchor. Know Someone Who knows every bad thing they've done
but still loves them. Having the highest unknowable Being manifest
among us.
All these are true, yet we all describe it differently. That's
because Truth is a person. Christianity is not merely an abstract
philosophy--it is a relationship with a Being. You cannot describe
the Christian experience in a perfect paragraph because it is so
multifaceted. This is not so with Islam, Platonism, or Buddhism. And
thus we see again that Christ fulfills the deepest desires of the
human heart.

The Idol of Debt

In the movie Gran Torino, an Asian teenager tries to steal
Clint Eastwood (Walt)'s car. His parents make him "work off his
debt" by making him Walt's slave for two weeks. Walt at first
refuses, but they insist.
I think there's a theology in this. We want to make a penance
to earn our way back to God. We want to pay back at least some
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part of our debt. But we can never truly pay it back (hence the
contemporary Catholic doctrine of indulgences).
One of the hardest things to do is to allow God to forgive
you. To quit asking him to forgive you for the same sin over and
over because he has already conquered it. To no longer live in guilt
(different than regret) and despair.

I think often when we ask God to forgive us, we really just want him
to undo what we did wrong. We want to feel better, like a time
machine. But this is not what He's offering.
This is one of the reasons why the world rejects Christianity.
Buddhism and Islam are nice because you can have pride in all that
you've accomplished. Christianity, however, teaches that any good
thing you've done is purely a grace of God. God loves you despite
what you've done, not because of it. Self esteem can easily be
made into an idol.

Skepticism: What the Purpose of Education is Not

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As I've said before, words have meaning. You may be able

to disagree about what they mean if you have a good argument.
However, you cannot use them however feels best.
Having gone to secular college, many of peers were "openminded", which is one of those words. One time I was telling a
friend (the one from the misogyny post) that I believe Orthodox
Christianity is the fullness of Truth.

"But what if you had a kid who decided to become a Buddhist?"

"I would tell him that I'm glad he's trying to take ownership of his
beliefs instead of relying on me. However, I would be disappointed
at his choice."

"But what if Buddhism felt best to him? Like if it was HIS best fit?"

"It's still a false religion."

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"I'm really surprised and disappointed. As educated as you are, I

thought you would realize that..." and then she continues on about
how beliefs are personal taste or something.
The purpose of education is not to learn that there is no
Truth. Another time she told me that someone with a tattoo that
says "Philosophy" should be more open-minded to others' beliefs or
some crap. And that's what this worldview is: emotionalist crap.
The great irony is that my agnostic Ethics professor did a
week-long lesson on why cultural relativism is wrong, during which
he ranted against anthropologists for being amoral and irrational.
Most philosophers believe in absolute truth even if they aren't sure
what it might be yet. Existentialism and relativism are always the
products of skepticism, and skepticism always shows intellectual
immaturity.
The purpose of education is to make you open-minded, that
is, to train you to think in other paradigms. Being able to examine
others' beliefs, you can now re-evaluate your own. Then you decide
what is true and false absolutely and what may be true and false
and what cannot be known. Education teaches how to find Truth.

!534

Perhaps your existing beliefs will change, but it will not be because
it feels best. If you tell a relativist that you believe others' beliefs are
wrong and perhaps even dangerous, they will be horrified and call
you ignorant. But really, it is they who are ignorant. Truth is a
blinding light, and like the sun, it is uncomfortable. Yet it sustains all
life. Some are afraid of the light and in cowardice hide in the
darkness. But the Light of Christ conquers all shadows. In the
words of St. Augustine, "On the Bible, and on it by itself, are all
proud and hard heads broken."
People believe in skepticism because it's uncomfortable to
believe in dogma. Our society places a high value on not being
judgmental. "Saint Francis" Schaefer says that what people in our
society desire is personal peace, that is, to not be bothered. I on
the other hand love dogma because it gives me an anchor. Dogma
brings stability in a society of chaos. Relativism is a short-sighted
belief that does not look even five seconds into the future.
This has also infested evangelical churches. Many think that
it doesn't really matter what you believe about salvation or
sacraments as long as you believe in Jesus's divinity and don't

!535

accept homosexuals. This is not the place to argue for the value of
ecclesiastical division. However, we can see that skepticism and its
children have affected American Christianity. If you try to correct
these people, they will tell you that you are being legalistic (that is,
close-minded and intolerant). Sound familiar? So whether in the
world or in the church, none of us are safe from the Demon of
Doubt.

A Primer on Logical Fallacies.

Whether I'm debating Christianity to my secularist friends or
whether I'm debating Orthodoxy to my western Christian friends,
either way I hear mostly logical fallacies. I grow sick and tired of it.
And then when I point them out, I'll even hear, "I don't know how
fallacies work", as if that's an excuse. Well, no more! Here is a brief
dictionary of some of the most common fallacies you'll encounter as
an apologist.

Ad Hominem: This is Latin for "against the man". It's when you
ignore the argument and instead attack the arguer. This is
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commonly used to discredit the person. Example, "You've never

read this book, so you can't criticize my beliefs."

Tu Quoque: This is a form of ad hominem. It's when you say that

the arguer's argument is irrelevant because it would also apply to
him. Example, "You can't criticize the Muslims. Remember the
Crusades."

Straw Man: This is when you misrepresent the argument you're

attacking. Karl Keating is horrible about this. But don't laugh so
quickly, protestants. How many times growing up did I hear, "The
Catholics don't believe that Christ is the rock of the Church or that
every believer is a saint and a priest. But the Bible clearly says
otherwise."

Red Herring: This is when you throw a statement that is irrelevant

to the argument as a distraction. Example, "You can't criticize the
Muslims. Remember the Crusades."

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Unqualified Authority: Also known as ad verecundiam. Example,

"According to Lorainne Boettner, Catholicism believes..." or
"According to Karl Keating, fundamentalist protestantism
believes..." Also, "Islam is a religion of peace. My Muslim friend
said so."

Ad Ignorantiam: Appeal to a lack of knowledge. Example, "Because

God hasn't been proven, therefore he doesn't exist and we
shouldn't try to find out." It's cowardly, I know. I hate the weak.

Hasty Generalization: This is when you take a few instances of

something and claim that the whole is like that. Example,
"Christianity is a religion of violence. Just look at the Crusades." or
"Islam is a religion of peace. My Muslim friend said so."

False Cause: This is when you confuse correlation with causation.

Example, "Evil exists. Therefore its God's fault."

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Weak Analogy: This is when you use an analogy that doesn't

properly line up. Just because somethings are similar doesn't mean
they are the same. Example, "Christianity, Judaism, and Islam are
almost identical. I don't see the difference." or "Micro-evolution is
true, so macro must be too."

Begging the Question: Also known as circular logic. This is when

you use the conclusion as a premise. Example, "Islam teaches that
the Arabs came from Ishmael. Therefore in Genesis God foretold
about Ishmael and Isaac." Actually, I'm not sure that quite counts an
example. I had a hard time finding one for this category. But you
know what I mean.

Suppressed Evidence: This is when you ignore important evidence.

It's related to straw man and ad ignorantiam. Example, anything in
support of evolution. I mean, really? Evolution? That's like believing
in Zeus because you see thunder. I had an agnostic phase in high
school, and I still didn't believe in evolution.

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Equivocation: This one is fun. It's when you use a word with two
different meanings as if they're the same. Example, comparing the
eastern religions' pantheism to the western monotheisms or
Hellenic paganism. Also, "The Catholics don't believe that Christ is
the rock of the Church or that every believer is a saint and a priest.
But the Bible clearly says otherwise."

So now you know the basics of fallacies. Soon you'll see these
used everywhere by everyone. Protect yourself, and you'll win more
arguments. But be warned: if you call someone out on a fallacy, it's
likely to anger him. The Gospel tends to be offensive like that.

The Pro-Life Article: Getting to the Root of the Problem

The problem with the whole affair is equivocation. How do
we define life? The Christian will call it the possession of a soul, but
the secularist can only view it as biological functions. And if
mankind really did evolve out of a soup of chemicals, then yes, we
are only biological functions. And if an unborn child is biologically

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deficient, then yes, it is okay to kill it. And for that matter, man is
only a cog in the machine of society, an animal to be manipulated
and controlled in the worst sense of the words.
The Christian, though, has a higher view of man. Man is
more than chemicals. Man has the stamp of God. We have
opposable thumbs, a capacity for metaphysics, and the ability to
create art. A cat doesn't think, "What does it mean to be a cat? Are
my parents proud of me?" A cat does not have insecurity issues. He
does not have aspirations but only drives and instincts.
"But Augustine," you say, "animals can have personalities."
Shut up, idiot. That doesn't mean they can think deeply. "But Austin,
unborn children can't think deeply either." Even if that's true (and
who knows if they can), they still have the capacity to develop it.
Even retarded people could had it not been for their handicaps just
as a blind man has the capacity for sight.
So the problem is not that people are selfish or stupid or
under-educated or whatever. The problem is that people aren't
Bible-believing Christians. Ideas have legs.

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America: Founded on Secularist Principles

We have this notion that America was founded on "JudeoChristian values", as if Judaism and Christianity were the same and
so we should list them as one religion because that means more
people go to heaven. But that's a rant for another post. By the way,
Judaism was illegal in every colony at the time of the founding.
We have this notion that America was founded on "JudeoChristian values". While there is some truth to that, it was also
founded on secular humanist values. Think of the American rugged
individualism. I am my own island. I don't need anybody but myself.
But the Bible says, "I have written so that you will know how people
ought to act in Gods household, which is the Church of the living
God, the pillar and foundation of the Truth." [1 Timothy 3.15, HCSB]
We are not islands; we are made to live in community. All the letters
of the Bible were either written to communities or to leaders of
communities, and in Revelation, the communities are judged as a
whole.
The constitution says that you have the freedom to believe in
whatever you want to believe in. But the Bible says, "I have written
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so that you will know how people ought to act in Gods household,
which is the Church of the living God, the pillar and foundation of
the Truth." [1 Timothy 3.15, HCSB] The Church is the pillar and
foundation of the Truth. You should not believe whatever you may
wish; you should believe in Christianity alone.
The American Dream says that you should accomplish
whatever you wish to do. Be who you want to be. Become a rock
star, an astronaut, or a teacher. Choose your path. Make your own
existence. Then and only then you will be happy. America is all
about choices. But the Bible says, "If anyone wants to come with
Me, he must deny himself, take up his cross daily, and follow
Me." [Luke 9.23, HCSB] The only way to be happy is to deny
yourself and die (metaphorically speaking). Happiness comes
through not obtaining what you want, that is, through a lack of
choice.
America is founded on demonic principles designed to make
you forget God and be miserable. And if you look at society, it's
worked well. People have forgotten God, have pursued their
dreams, and are now generally miserable. Women have entered

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the workforce, men have become passive, homosexuality and

fornication are considered normal and healthy, legal psychiatric
drugs grow numerous as does recreational drug use, and
teenagers smoke because they have nothing else to vent out their
pain. And every four years, and all through grade school for that
matter, we are told that it's good to be whatever you want to be.
Despite what James Dobson says, the Bible was not founded on
American values. No, the free-choice principles of the founding
fathers are the reason that people today live in such grave sin.

Teaching Your Children Idolatry

You can on the internet and look up videos of children crying
over their favorite football teams losing. I'm not quite sure what to
say about these, but I'm not surprised at them. What does this say
about our society? Why are small children this wrapped up in
sports? They must have learned it from the parents. Hating Tom
Brady or crying when the Packers win is part of a child's attempt to
figure out right and wrong. They learn morality from their parents.

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So we're teaching our children that morality is about who wins a

game and not about how to make right choices.

The Big Man Upstairs

I used to think this phrase was a bit silly and maybe
irreverent but ultimately harmless. Used to. Now I see what it really
implies: God is away from us. He is watching us from a distance
like the God of the Old Testament, the Koran, or Deism.
However, this epithet is no longer true. God has come
incarnate. He is now the Big Man in our living room. Jesus Christ is
with us right now.

Church, Homosexuality, and Women's Ordination

Some churches are accepting homosexuality and women's
ordination as morally healthy, or at the least, they are neutral on it.
They view this as progress, like an evolution of morals. "Before we
were unenlightened. But now, for the first time in 2000 years, we

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realize what Jesus meant all along. The others are just a few years
behind."
How silly of them! If my church, which does not accept active
homosexuality or ordain women, is wrong, then it should be
persecuted. My church would be oppressing the innocent, and so it
would be evil. It would also be teaching a false view of gender roles
and social order and thus be destructive to society.
The simple solution is to do what we've always done. If it's
not broken, don't fix it.
The problem with women's ordination is what it implies. First
off, it means that women have no value in the Church unless they
act as men have done. It also implies that the laity have no valuable
role at all. The Church that ordains women is the truly misogynist
and elitist Church.

The Beatles and Art

Let me preface by saying that I greatly enjoy this band.
However, I thought it best to state how they offer some poor

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messages to society. This is not the innocent boy band many

people think they are.
In the early days, it's all about romantic love. Songs about
how there's only one girl in the world and how the writer will never
be happy without her teach young people bad messages about
romance. Their early music rarely or never features mature
romantic love. The target audience at the time--teenage girls--are
especially vulnerable to false messages about romance.
Other songs encourage Eastern mysticism or drug use.
These are obvious. "All You Need is Love" is humanistic in that it
says you have everything within yourself to accomplish whatever
you may wish. Songs like "I've got a Feeling" encourage hedonism,
that is, to find life-satisfaction through pleasure even if controlled
pleasure.
Unlike other bands at the time, the Beatles were not trying to
be vulgar. To the contrary, they were either a) trying to make money
(early days) or b) expressing how they felt (later days). The problem
expressing how they feel, even if those songs are true art, is that
they come from a secularist worldview, and one's worldview affects

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everything the person says, feels, and thinks. Being true art doesn't
mean being healthy art.
How should we then live? Should we cut the Beatles from
our lives? No, I think it's best with bands like the Beatles, the
Rolling Stones, and Nirvana to consciously and noetically
understand that they have bad messages and that one should not
be influenced. I believe that it is possible to glorify God in the
ingenuity of lyrics without taking part in the worldview of the lyrics,
although if some lyrics are especially amoral (gangsta rap for
example), then the Christian will naturally be repulsed.

The Conscience
What is the conscience? The little cricket on your shoulder
telling you right and wrong. When we do bad, we feel guilt. We call
this the conscience or maybe the Holy Spirit. Here's the thing,
though. Your conscience will lie to you. Sometimes you do the right
thing and feel bad. Sometimes it was a neutral thing. And
sometimes it was wrong but the kind of thing you can't apologize for
(e.g., telling somebody how you feel about them). Or often you do
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bad and don't feel any remorse even though intellectually you admit
that you are sorry.
Some people think that if you feel bad, that's the Holy Spirit
convicting you. Although the Spirit can act as a conscience, usually
He does not. Otherwise, non-Christians would have no conscience.
Some people, rooted in Calvinism, believe that all non-Christians
are fundamentally selfish and evil, and so from here comes the
belief that only Christians have a conscience. However, this is
simply false. Many of the kindest and most sincere people I have
met are non-Christians, and often the most cruel and shallow
people were leaders in a church.
What then is the conscience? It is an emotional feeling of
guilt that God gave us to help guide us, but like all emotions, it is
very fallible. Can we trust it at all? Yes, usually it is right. However, it
can also separate you from God's forgiveness. For we often ask
God's forgiveness for sin and then listen to the feelings of guilt. We
think God's forgiveness means that we won't feel guilty anymore.
So be careful when listening to your conscience. Guilt is one of the

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most painful emotions, but it is merely an emotion. One should not

apologize to appease guilt but to correct wrong-doing.

Stephen Hawking, You Silly Goose

Stephen Hawking claims that science is based on empirical
and rational reason whereas religion is based on authority. Actually,
the opposite is true. Doctrine in religion is much based abstract
reason. Christianity is not so much as a system as it is a teaching.
Even the authorities--the Bible, the Church, the fathers--are
believed because reasonings show them to be credible.
On the other hand, science is taken on authority. The same
scientific community today that tells us that macro-evolution is true
is the same scientific community that previously sold heroin in
pharmacies and treated poison by slitting wrists.
Every field of academia has a doctrine and an agenda. For
example, in Classical Studies, it is believed that myths are not
historical at all (or at least very little), and if you disagree, as I did in
college, you are frowned upon. One time, I ask my Latin professor

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why the Romans chose Venus as their patron goddess when she
has such poor morals. A History major (how I loathe them!) said,
"Why did they choose the rapist Romulus?" I replied, "That's
history, not fiction." He got very angry at me until the professor
interrupted and said, "He's kidding." I was not. Knowing the
professor to be a devout Roman Catholic, I replied, "It happened at
the end of Joshua in the Bible." "Well..." he said, "this story is
common in the ancient world." The reality is, my colleague can no
more prove or provide evidence against the historical event of
Romulus raping the Sabines than I can for it. Innocent until proven
guilty I always say.
Heinrich Schliemann too felt this discrimination. He was the
person who discovered Troy in the 1870s using the Iliad's
geographical descriptions as a map. Previously, the whole Classics
community scoffed saying there was no historical place as Troy. We
now know that there were nine civilizations built at that site.
If you want to be a sheep and take science on faith, then go
ahead with the current scientific community and believe that God
created evolution. But by that same rationale, you must also believe

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that it's okay to sell methamphetamine as over-the-counter drugs

and to treat illness with leeches. Do you see now how silly
secularism is?

Turn the Other Cheek

What does it mean to turn the other cheek? Doesn't that
mean becoming a doormat? And doesn't it contradict what the Bible
says about confronting others? Again, this is one of those posts I'm
not sure about. But I think I do have the answer.
There are two ways to turn the other cheek: one is in
weakness, and the other is in strength. One is done out of fear and
insecurity, and the other is out of a willful relinquishing of the will.
One says that Jesus wants you to be taken advantage of, and the
other says that being taken advantage of doesn't matter. One is
from hatred and the other from love The Christ-like turning the other
cheek is hard to describe, but it is the only thing that will solve the
world's problems. It's also the hardest thing in the world while the

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first one is too easy. After all, it takes all of your will to give up your
will.
How exactly do you do that? Psh! I don't know. Ask me in ten
years.

Man is Made to be Exalted

Can a philosophy like Roman stoicism that is optimistically selffocused build a flourishing society? That is, an inward philosophy
having an outward purpose? This was a retro-gressive philosophy
to grow back ancient morals. Can a philosophy retro-create a
society? And what if that society never existed like we think it did?
Stoicism has a good connotation. It's all about being a good
person within your role in society. Some of that I really like. But it's
also easily a Deistic philosophy. That is, it claims that man is
enough within himself to make a clean society without God's
assistance. This is true with many secular philosophies like
eudaimonia and empiricism -- they, implicitly or explicitly, teach that

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mankind is strong and capable of everything if only he'll believe in

himself.
Of course, man is made to be exalted. He is the highest of all
animals and the only one with a capacity for metaphysics. The
reason man can do so much is because he was made to do so
much. Yet often man forgets that it is God who exalts him. It is God
who gives him his genius. If we exalt ourselves, our philosophies
will devolve into skepticism, relativism, hedonism, and ultimately
apathy. But if we allow God to exalt us so that we give him the
glory, then and only then will society flourish.

Kantian Ethics
I met a philosophy major the other day who is Coptic
Orthodox. He told me that clearly Christianity follows Kantian
ethics. I was shocked. Kantianism is only a caricature of
Christianity. It states that one should follow morals regardless of
consequences; all that matters is to keep your hands clean. It
seeks to create the morals of Christianity without the underlying
source.
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This sounds nice, and many Christians subscribe to it, but it

has several flaws within it. For one thing, every moral has a reason.
Morals don't just exist in and of themselves. The consequences of
sin are much the reason, if not the only reason (that's another
article--I am stating neither thesis in this) that actions are
considered sin. Therefore, the consequences cannot be irrelevant.
Kantianism strips morality of all meaning and turns it into merely
impersonal law.
This leads to the thought that can one have two right actions
at a dualism. Should one lie to save a life? To tell the truth would be
to be complacent at a murder. Shouldn't one try to stop murder?
Implied within "do not murder" is "protect life". And if one was to
ignore murder, wouldn't that be an act of incompassion? How can
one say, "I have sympathy for you, but I will ignore your injustice
anyway."
Furthermore, the Bible seems to view morality as a standard
and not a rule (2 Chronicles 18, Luke 6.1-5, Luke 14.1-6). The Bible
itself is against hard absolutism in Ethics.

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What then is the Christian ethics code? This is a problem

that I have yet to fully work out, for axiology of every kind is very
pregnant and the Bible says little on it. It seems to me that absolute
morals only exist if something is sacred. For example, there is
never a right reason to fornicate, there is never a right reason for a
monk to take a wife, and there is never a right reason for a priest to
knowingly give the Eucharist to someone who should not take it. As
far as working on the sabbath and the consecrated bread in the Old
Testament, those are put together with lying, murder, and stealing:
one should try to avoid it, but on rare occasion (or sometimes not
very rare--I'm not sure how wrong lying is), it is the best and the
only right thing to do. If in doubt, just ask "Does this express God's
love, how does it express it, and to whom does it express it?"

New Mythology
The Greek word "mythos" means "story". The Latin
equivalent is "fabula", from where we get "fable" and "fabulous".
"MYTH" DOES NOT MEAN FALSEHOOD. People from all nations

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have written myths about the world. Some are supernatural and
others are fairly plausible. Christianity has its own myths that
inspire us toward better morals and a better understanding of us as
humans and also of the divine.
Obviously, the Bible has stories about Eden and the
crucifixion, but the myths are more than just supernatural. King
David and Bathsheba is a myth that has inspired art for centuries.
It's a story that we can relate to: an upright man slowly drifts into a
grave sin and then unravels everything as he tries to fix it. His sin
afflicts him until his death. We all know somebody like this.
Does it matter if the myths are literally true or not?
Sometimes, yes. What the standard to determine that is a bit out of
my pay grade. Christ's resurrection and Mary's virginity are both
allegorical and literal. Eden and Noah's ark may not be (although I
think they are). For stories like Eden, if you can't appreciate it
allegorically at the bare minimum, then you can't appreciate the
resurrection story either. So all Biblical myths are at least
allegorically of the utmost importance, and many are irrevocably
literal as well.

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But our mythology goes beyond just the Bible. What about
stories like St. George slaying the dragon? St. Eustace? Does it
really matter if that didn't happen? It's a grand story anyway, so why
would you want to scoff at it for being "merely a story"? Or the myth
about St. Columba repelling the Loch Ness monster? I like to
pretend that they're true. I see no reason to do otherwise.
Some stories, though, I think it is important to take as fact.
Some saints would be maimed for preaching the gospel or their
relics would be desecrated. Yet they would miraculously return to
their original state. Although all of these may not be true, I think it's
important to recognize them as truth because it shows that God will
not allow the gospel to be hindered.
NOTE: I thought St. Maximos the Confessor was one of
those whose limbs grew back, but I think I was confusing him with
someone else. Right now I can't think of anyone specific.

All of Western History in Two Minutes

The story of western philosophy, both ancient and modern:

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1. Mankind rejects conventional authority to be autonomous. "I am

my own island, and I have all within me to know and accomplish
whatever I want."
2. Several generations keep correcting the past. "Descartes was
wrong. I, John Locke have it figured out." "Locke was wrong. I,
David Hume, have it figured out." "Hume was wrong. I, Kant, have it
figured out." "Kant was wrong. I, Jeremy Bentham, have it all
figured out." "Bentham was wrong. I, John Stuart Mill, have it all
figured out."
3. Eventually man gets tired of the circles, gives up on finding truth,
and argues that it cannot be known nor should be pursued. E.g.
Sextus Empiricus, Rousseau, Nietzsche, German pietism.
4. Skepticism always leads to relativism and existentialism, and
relativism and existentialism always lead to apathy and
philosophical hedonism. "There is no truth. All that is left is the
pursuit of happiness." E.g. Horatius, Bentham, and basically
everyone in step 3. Francis Schaefer says that here people live for
personal peace and affluence.

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5. People try to create a new truth to replace the void. E.g. Seneca,
John Stuart Mill, B.F. Skinner, the communist block.
6. People realize that the earth and human reason cannot provide
satisfaction (Jeremiah 2.13), and then the Church flourishes. E.g.
Russia, China, Orthodoxy in the diaspora.
Right now in America, we are in phases four and five. This
was also the exact phase at which Christ came. Odd how that
works out. So do not fear that society is turning its back on God, for
in a few years, it will turn to Him again. However, there is a catch:
this future Christianity will look nothing like Focus on the Family
would want it to.
The Romans produced almost no philosophy. Most of their
great literature was mere entertainment. Then some writers started
criticizing society to bring it back, but it only sunk deeper. The last
few centuries of Rome have almost no writers at all. The Roman
world quit trying and lived for luxury and sensuality alone. "Bread
and Circuses" as Juvenal writes.
High Athenian literature, several centuries earlier, by contrast
is very different. There is no anti-society literature. Their

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philosophers wrote on very different topics than the Romans. Greek

philosophy is more about how to find goodness, by Romans like
Lucretius, Marcus Aurelius, and Sextus Empiricus write more about
how we are alone in the world and are merely matter. And when
there was Greek entertainment, such as drama, it always sought to
teach a moral (even if the writer was vulgar), meet a social
standard (Greek drama had lots of little rules), and express an
aesthetic (they were like opera really).

Sex in the Cities

A lot of people are critical about how sex-driven our society
is. Teenagers are fornicating, women are cheating on their
husbands, married men are addicted to porn, bi-curiousity spreads
like herpes (pun intended), and every movie regardless of genre
teaches that the only way you'll ever be happy is if you fall in love
with a beautiful woman.
All of this is certainly unhealthy, and our society will pay a
price. But, if the Church grows as a model of sexual purity, her light
will become even more visible when contrasted against the
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darkness of the world. All of that being said, I can hardly blame
people for living in wanton sexual pleasure. Society has gradually
removed all and any concept of absolute truth or social contract.
Without any kind of root to ground yourself in and without any kind
of even secular culture and values to find pride in, why not live in
whatever simple pleasure we may find? Why should one value
virginity when there is nothing, whether secular or religious, to
believe in?
I don't judge American society for its perversion. You and I
would be the same way should everything around us say, "Just
believe in yourself." And truly, if there is no God, and if there is no
sense of social shame or corporeality, why not fornicate with a girl
you met at a party who is too drunk to realize what she's doing?
There's an excellent episode of South Park (season 16,
episode 9) about how society has lost its sense of shame.
Specifically, it mentions two things: fat people in motor scooters in
Wal-Mart and the tv show Honey Boo Boo. The bar of self-respect
and pride [there are many many forms of pride, and some are good
like manners and consideration for strangers around you] has sunk

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so low that we no longer are embarrassed by anything. It's been a

gradual process over several centuries. The Greco-Roman world
had the same problem until Christianity began to flourish.

Denying Eternal Life

In the movie The Wrestler, there's a scene where the main
character is in a strip club. A stripper is on his lap playing with his
long hair and quotes the line from Isaiah, "He was wounded for our
transgressions. By his stripes we were healed." She then tells him
about the movie The Passion of the Christ. "For two hours they
throw everything at him. Arrows, nails, whips. He just takes it
without saying anything."
This picture of Christ is much the picture of the wrestler. He
abandons everything-- including his potential lover-- for the ring. His
identity is as a fighter. Money, women, and fame are irrelevant to
his happiness. So too was Christ. He abandoned everything for the
fight against death.
However, at the end of the movie, the ring conquers the
wrestler. He dies of a heart attack while fighting. So too in Mel
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Gibson's movie. There's a very brief scene of Christ risen, but most
of it was a Jew being beaten to death for two hours. Gibson's movie
treats the resurrection as an afterthought.
Often this is how we see Christ-- he died for our sins, and
the resurrection isn't really important. There's no need for a lifechange if we are still under sin and death. The reason we are
horrified by the Connecticut shootings is because we either don't
believe that evil exists or because we don't think that Christ has
conquered death. Even though we nominally believe that Christ
rose from the dead, we often live as though we are still under the
old covenant-- fearing death, concerned only about the earthly life,
and waiting for God to do something about our problems. And
really, if we are under the old covenant, that's how we should live.
Personally, I tend to take credit for my virtues as a natural
evolution or as a personal achievement. I try to convince myself
that Christ isn't really a part of my pursuit of strength. This too is a
denial of the resurrection.
But this is not merely implicit; it is explicit as well. Throughout
our society, from infancy to old age, we do everything to avoid

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death. Small children aren't supposed to see it in movies or among

their relatives. Adults use anti-aging treatments to look younger. It's
considered rude to ask a woman her age. We so desperately want
to escape death that we fail to realize that eternal life is sitting in the
book on our nightstand. When Jesus said he came to bring eternal
life, he really really meant it.

Mormon Missionaries
Some people say we should imitate Mormons in how they
convert people. This makes me so angry. The speaker says that we
should imitate the Mormons in their missionary efforts. No, I'm not
going to take missionary lessons from non-Christians because...

1) They preach an attractive gospel, so of course their missionary

work will prosper. Mormonism teaches, among other things, that the
family is eternal, whereas we believe that it ends at death.

2) They're a cult and use cult-like methods to gain and retain

members. They also put an ostracizing pressure on their people to

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be missionaries. If you don't do the time, you aren't a real Mormon.

Of course with that mentality, all the youth will sign up. So the
missionary work isn't even done for the same motivation as ours is.
They do it to gain their peers' approval, not God's.

3) They're creepy. The white shirts and the bicycles. Knocking on

doors. The only thing worse is leaving a Bible track as a tip at a
restaurant.

Judge Not Lest You Be Judged

I never wanted to write on this because I don't have a full
answer yet. But I think I need to say something. I think this is an
important topic because it is so misused. People use this passage
to ignore their own sins or to defend relativism. But that's not what
Jesus is saying.
There are many kinds of judging. I think--and I may be
wrong--that it is okay to judge only as much as you know for

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certain. But even then, one is not to be prideful because without

Christ, whether directly or indirectly, you would be just as bad.
I can't always know someone's motivation for doing things.
Perhaps you fornicated because you're a glutton. Or maybe you're
an insecure teenager without a strong support base or a loving
family. Maybe you were taught that sex if for true love and not
necessarily for marriage only. It's still a sin, but the motivation is so
much a part of it.
The same thing applies to good deeds. I can't know why you
give money to the church or why you don't cheat on your wife.
Every good deed can have a negative motivation. So judge neither
for good nor for bad.
There's another kind of judging that this may apply to. If you
beat your wife, you are a bad person. That's just a truth. I'm not
being judgmental in the sense that I think I deserve something. But
I am being judgmental in saying that you are wrong and perhaps
deserve something. How could I not say it is wrong to beat your
wife? Even if you were to have a good motivation for it, it is still

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indefensibly wrong. However, I realize that I do many bad things

and that my righteousness is like a menstrual rag.

Kohlberg
Psychologist Lawrence Kohlberg formulated a six-stage level
of moral development that has become a very influential way of
measuring one's moral judgment.

Level 1 (Pre-Conventional)

1. Obedience and punishment orientation

(How can I avoid punishment?)

2. Self-interest orientation
(What's in it for me?)
(Paying for a benefit)

Level 2 (Conventional)

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3. Interpersonal accord and conformity

(Social norms)
(The good boy/good girl attitude)

4. Authority and social-order maintaining orientation

(Law and order morality)

Level 3 (Post-Conventional)

5. Social contract orientation

6. Universal ethical principles

(Principled conscience)

Where do different religions fit in this scale? For those who

believe in Karma, very much in the pre-conventional level, as do
Islam and some veins of Christianity. For the naturalist, perhaps
level four or five, although this can vary widely.

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The problem with level six is that there has to be a why. Why
should I make a difficult ethics choice that has no benefit to me? If
ethics only exist to better society or oneself, then six cannot be
attained. If there is no higher authority, then a naturalist would have
no reason to care about six. Level six, if it exists at all (I do not
know whether it can or not), must come from religion or something
similar, and one could argue that only Christianity can provide a
true concept of level six.
Do you see a pattern in my writing? Christianity is a higher
philosophy than other religions and philosophies. It has an
appreciative view of individuals, a more natural and stable view of
gender roles, a sanctifying view of the environment (although this
can vary widely between sects), abstract moral principles, and a
defiance of death. It teaches that man can achieve great things but
that he must have humility. Christianity simply is just better than
other beliefs.
NOTE: One could argue that Gilligan's objection to Kohlberg
further supports traditional gender roles. Feminism has a way of
falling in on itself.

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Christmas
Our society has a fixation upon balance. Everything is a twopart system, and we want to find a middle ground. A great example
of this is Christmas. There is the secular and the sacred, and they
should be mixed well and not trample upon each other.
Noooooooooooooo! You cannot criticize the madness of
Black Friday and then bribe your family and friends with presents.
You cannot teach your kids that the incarnation literally happened
and then lie to them about the Santa Clause myth. You cannot
teach your children to cherish songs about the Nativity and then
teach them the pagan sorcery of Frosty the snowman. You cannot
mix darkness and light. We are not the same as the world.
The Christmas tree is innately religious. For it is ever-green.
That is, even when everything outside is lifeless, the pine tree is as
alive as it is in the summer. So too is Christ and his Truth alive and
active even when all else is decaying. We should keep the "mass"
in "Christ-mas".

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I have another problem with Christmas. We have this idea

that Santa has a kind of Disney magic. We encourage kids to relish
in Santa, tricking them with things like "reindeer food". Malls build
winter wonderlands to create a certain mood.
The reality is that Santa is really for the parents. Really,
Christmas as a whole is for the parents. Children live in constant
wonder. It's adults that need some wonder to draw them out of their
boring, white-collar, Dilbert lives. Of course children like Christmas
carols and house lights. But even then, parents encourage their
children to like Christmas trees. Parents teach their children that for
30 days of the year, you can be a child. The rest of the time, put
your suit on, listen to your factory-pop Michael Bolton, and do your
job in the machine. Christmas robs children of their childhood.
Why can't Christ and his religion give us wonder? What we
are looking for in Santa can be found in St. George the dragonslayer. The candy cane lanes of ABC Family pale in comparison to
the story of Sts. Boris and Gleb of Kiev. Instead of bribing kids with
presents so they'll be nice instead of naughty, we should be
inspiring them with martyr stories. We have a vast mythos waiting

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to give us wonder; why pay money for a cheap, December-only

imitation.

Percy Shelly Quote

This is in reference to something an Atheist-Buddhist friend
posted."If he is infinitely good, what reason should we have to fear
him? If he is infinitely wise, why should we have doubts concerning
our future? If he knows all, why warn him of our needs and fatigue
him with out prayers? If he is everywhere, why erect temples to
him? If he is just, why fear that he will punish the creatures that he
has filled with weaknesses?...If he is reasonable, how can he be
angry at the blind, to whom he has given the liberty of being
unreasonable?...f he is inconceivable, why occupy ourselves with
him?...and if he has spoken, why is the world not convinced?" -Percy Bysshe Shelley
Good: Just because something inspires fear doesn't mean
that it isn't good. For example, a child has a fear of his mother when
she's disciplining him, yet she disciplines him because she loves
him. But even this is an imperfect analogy. The fear inspired of God

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isn't a fear that he'll harm you but a kind of reverence and
awareness at his power and presence. This presence, although
intangible, is like knowing an actual person. Describing such an
awareness is like describing a color you've never seen.
Wise: We have doubts because we choose to have doubts.
God, however, is willing to direct our lives to match his wisdom. The
beauty in Christ is that when things seem unsure and dark, you
know that if you keep trusting him, it'll turn out well in the end. But
often his plan is difficult and requires sacrifice, and he doesn't force
anyone to follow it. Belief is a choice; that is why you cannot argue
someone into faith (as I continue to learn).
All-Knowing: The purpose of prayer is not to let him know we
exist. The purpose of prayer is to build a unity with God. Christianity
is about a relationship with God. Often he's waiting for you to ask in
order to give it, but he already knows.
Everywhere: The purpose of the church building is to make a
place specifically dedicated to worshipping him. People can gather
together to worship and learn collectively. Like any organization,

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there needs to be a defined headquarters. Also, the Church also

administers sacraments. Sacraments are God's way of continuing
His incarnation. People need something tangible to hold onto in
religion.
Just/Reasonable: God did not give us weaknesses.
Everything he made is innately good, but because of sin (which is
goodness out of order), it becomes perverted. In this life, we can
either choose Christ or reject him. Even if someone has never
heard of Christ or has consciously rejected the Church, he still has
an innate knowledge of Christ and may be saved apart from a
formal knowledge. This being said, other religions do NOT offer the
same God as Christianity. I am not a universalist.
Inconceivable: This goes back to all-knowing. God in his
essence (Latin for "being") cannot be known, but he can in his
energies (Greek for "working in"). By "energies", I mean the ways
he works both impersonally (nature) and personally (knowing his
presence).

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Has Spoken: The world is not convinced because it chooses

to not believe it. Although it's important to tell people personally to
bring it to the surface, we all innately know that Christianity is true
within our unconscious. I'm sure you've experienced trying to tell
somebody something (like a political belief) and watched him reject
your logic. People are fundamentally irrational beings, which isn't
always negative (this sentence really belongs in another
discussion; it'd be too off-subject to explain here). People don't like
Christianity because it has difficult morality (not fornicating, fasting),
because it's difficult to believe in something intangible beyond
yourself, and because it has offensive beliefs (hell, difficult
morality). Also, just because something is Truth doesn't mean that
it's empirical, Aristotelian fact.
The "Natural Man"
There's a common theme in our society that civilization has
made mankind inhuman. This is known as "the noble savage". Back
in the aborigine days, everything was more natural and true. People

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connected with each other better and understood the earth or some
crap.
While all that is somewhat true, it is greatly exaggerated.
Aborigine peoples can be very merciless toward each other.
Sometimes there is more treachery, deceit, and murder than in
American-European society. Western society with our notions of
social contract has developed a system of ethics and mores even if
there can be a wide variety between individuals.
There is also a lot of superstition. Nobody in our society
wants to believe that you can tell the future by reading a bird's liver,
and instead of seeing a shaman, we see a medical doctor.
If you want to be a noble savage, go live in the poor sections
of towns. There are tribes carving out their existence amidst the
anarchy. There is also no concept of property since thugs have no
reservations about petty theft. Folk art and folk medicine abound
too, and I'm referring to more than just recreational drug use. Our
American society has its own aborigine savages, but they are
anything but noble.

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Think about John Lennon's song "Imagine". Even if you

could have a world with nothing to kill or die for, would you want it?
You would be unwilling to die for your family. You would be so
intellectually numb that you have no beliefs (and thus not die for
them). Nor would you fight for anything or anyone you love. And
most people, including John Lennon, certainly don't want a world
without possessions.
A world without religion is a world without absolute morality.
Yes, the morality may be wrong. But it is absolute nevertheless.
Sometimes in religion this morality can turn very sour (such as in
Islam or some veins of Catholicism). But in general, religions teach
that you should be good to other people or else the Divine will be
unhappy. Atheism teaches that you should be good just because it
makes you feel good. I can't see how a world without religion brings
"a brotherhood of man".
John Lennon's song is like a list of what you want for Santa.
Just like the pony and the villa on the French Riviera on my list,
nothing in this song is backed up with logical arguments. Nor does

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he say why somethings on his list would be good. He has a vague

ideal and an even more vague means of getting there.
If you really want to live out the song, sell everything you
have, give it to the poor, and live homeless under a bridge. You'll
have no possessions and nothing to kill or die for. No family, no
religion, no obligations, and no purpose. You and the other beggars
can live in harmony and work as a team to survive. Marxism only
exists under the Freeway.
If God is Good, Why are Some Things Off-Limits?
Question:
This isn't directly related to the fact that you're responding to
the Shelley quote, but when you say everything god made is
innately good, does that apply to the tree containing knowledge the
bible refers to that was located in the garden of eden? That's a big
problem I've had with christianity, the idea that god would tell
someone that knowledge in the world is harmful and off limits. And
yeah I get that that was supposed to be the knowledge of sin or
whatever, but I think looking at things like sex and all the rest as
!579

these dangerous vices or sin or whatever is much more

dysfunctional model than simply learning about things like that for
themselves when the time comes. And yeah, I see that you can
respond to this by saying that god was saving sex to be used only
in marriage, but what about masturbation? is that a sin? is feeling
any experience of sexuality without actually having sex a sin too? it
just seems like a misguided picture of life. we learn what we know
by using our senses, in combination with our reasoning to
experience the world and people around us. why should any of it be
off limits? that;s what i dont get about the garden of eden tale

Answer:
That's a fair objection. Perhaps there's not a complete
answer, but I think I can answer it well.
All sin is is things out of the correct order; it is perverted
goodness. Did God create masturbation or cocaine or brain
cancer? Maybe or maybe not, but he certainly created the capacity
for them.

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So why are somethings he created off-limits? Does

goodness imply that everything should be permissible? I don't think
so. I have a few responses to this. You probably have a front yard.
Your yard is not evil. You mow it and may have a little garden, but
you do not allow your dog to run freely in it because you know the
dangers of that.
Similarly, God has created substances and actions that are
harmful for human beings. But in the creation of the actions, it
shows that there is a creative creator, which gives himself glory.
The chief end of everything is to bring God glory. So the fact that
off-limit things exist shows that there is a God behind it.
My second response is that if God had not created a
capacity for evil, we could not do good. John 14.15 "If you love me,
keep my commandments." So if we are forced to keep his
commandments, then we cannot love him (consider what it would
be like to have a robot-spouse). So the tree was created so that we
could have the opportunity to reject him.
Thirdly, you say that we learn things through sense
perception. This is true in part, but not everything has to be learned

!581

this way. How do you know that you shouldn't touch a hot oven? I
myself knew not to long before I actually did it. Through observation
of the world around us (and perhaps within us), we know not to
touch a stove, and we can see that sexuality out of order can be
addicting and destructive.
Fourthly, there is the concept of faith. We don't have the right
to know everything nor do we have the ability. Modern man likes to
think he can be his own god, but there are many phenomena
science cannot explain yet. Why does God allow suffering to
innocent people? There are simple answers about the fallen state
of man and such, but there is really no one good answer. If you
read the Old Testament, God often exacts judgements that seem
very unfair to us. Consider 2 Samuel 24. Or in the Gospels, Jesus
says some strange things (Matthew 8). God is God, and we can't
understand his reasoning behind things.
So I'm not sure how well this helps, but I think it may shed
some light. What do you think? And no, I don't expect you to
convert today. But just mull on it for a while if you think it may make
sense.

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Why Would a Loving God Send People to Hell?

First, let's establish what is the alternative. If God didn't send
people to Hell, he would, most assume, send them to Heaven. But
why would a loving God send people to Heaven? Because it's so
much more enjoyable than Hell, people assume. But Heaven is all
focused on God. If you don't like God, why would you want to go to
Heaven? If people really hate God, then Hell would be a much nicer
place.
The next question would be, Why all the flames and torture
in Hell? Why shouldn't it just be flat and boring? Again, we're
assuming that the afterlife is too much like the present. In the end,
when all the terrestrial things are stripped away, all that will be left is
the spiritual things. Perhaps the torture in Hell is from the lack of
God; perhaps it's from the presence of God which is painful to
those who hate it. Some would say that Heaven and Hell are the
same place and that the only difference is how you will react to it.
Maybe the torture in Hell is being left to yourself, who is an awful
person. But Hell won't be watching tv and drinking beer.
!583

What about those who have never heard of Christ? The

"good man" on the Ganges River? The topic of "good men" is for
another article, but the Book of Romans says that The Law is
written of everyone's hearts so that they are without excuse. If the
good man on the Ganges River loves God, he'll go to Heaven, even
if he has never heard the gospel story. If he doesn't, then he'll go to
Hell. How that works out, I don't know, but God is always either just
or merciful.
What then is the point of missionaries? The point of
missionaries is to show people this law written on their hearts.
People are much more likely to ignore Christ should the gospel
story be hidden.The law on their hearts is easy to not realize it is
there. But even with the gospel stories, Narrow and Difficult is the
Way. Missionaries make the Way visible, show people the law on
their hearts, and show that Christ has the power to change lives
(watch the movie The Mission). A missionary without love is just a
cultural ambassador. Missionaries display God's power contrasted
against the morality and philosophy against the world in a way that
the law on people's hearts can't. And even if someone does come

!584

to know God without a missionary, without the gospel story it will

not likely continue through the generations.

An Analysis of a Muslim Booklet

I recently came across a booklet called "Islam is..." by Imam
Muhammad S. Adly, 5th edition. It's a 48-page exposition on what
true Islam is. Of course, anything mass produced in English by
Muslims themselves is going to portray a deceptive kind of hippieIslam, but for the sake of this article, I will pretend that the book
represents authentic Islam. Then I will show how even peaceful
Islam is wrought out of fallacies and short-sighted reasoning. Page
45 says, "I invite you to share in any or all of this material."
Therefore, share I will.
The book can be purchased here: http://
www.adlyonline.com/content/islam. Or here: islam-is.com.
However, you probably can already guess what's in it, so there's
really no point in spending three hours reading it.

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"The" English translation of the Koran, which I would

recommend, is by N.J. Dawood. This was first published in 1956
back when Islam was not as controversial as it has recently
become. Dawood was a British scholar who considered the Koran
and Arabian Nights (which he also translated) to be masterworks of
world literature.
NOTE: I am not saying all Muslims believe in genocide and
slave rape. To quote an old Antiochian priest, "There are moderate
Muslims, but there is no moderate Islam."
Page 3: "[The prophets] offered teachings relevant to that
time, until God chose the final Prophet, Muhammad, to come with
the Last Testament referred to as the Qur'an."
The word testament means witness. So the Last Testament
is a witness. What, therefore, were the previous Testaments? How
were they different? Were they wrong? This isn't a fallacy so much
as a curiosity of mine.
Page 3-4: This part talks about how important monotheism
is. "The concept of monotheism [known as tawheed in Arabic] is the
single most important concept in Islam...due to its importance, the

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concept of monotheism [divine unity and singularity] must be

properly and fully understood. For ease of discussion, monotheism
can be looked at from the following three perspectives: a. The
Oneness of God in His Lordship [Omnipotence], b. The Devotion of
All Worship to The One God Alone, c. The Uniqueness and
Oneness of God in His Names and Attributes."
Okay, it is important that worship only goes to where it's
proper, and all sin is a form of polytheism. I'll concede that. But is
monotheism the summation of theology? What kind of attributes
does God have, and how does that affect us?
Page 5: "In Islam, to believe that any of God's creation
shares in His power or attributes is considered polytheism and
disbelief."
Now I begin. Like a gladiator in the arena of blood, sand, and
glory, I shall fight the feral barbarian with the power of abstract logic
and empirical evidence.
If man does not have the attributes of God, where do man's
attributes come from? God must have created them from outside of

!587

himself. Therefore, either God is not the fullness of reality and

goodness or God has chosen to make something flawed and evil.
Now would also be a good time to show the difference
between the Muslim God and the Christian God. Our God is
relational in that he wants to know us and have a friendship, for
Christ said, "No longer do I call you slaves but friends." He in his
immateriality and transcendence has come as a peasant human
and as bread and wine. Our God speaks to us inaudibly but clearly
and individualistically. Our God wants us to become like him, for
"God became man so that man could become gods" (St.
Athanasios). Our worship is not to a distant God but to a God who
chooses to be near us.
NOTE: St. Athanasios's statement is more poetic than literal.
Christianity does not teach that man can become a god.
Next quotation, please.
Page 5: "[Religions] are rarely free of some form of
polytheism [idolatry] with respect to worship...they demand that
their adherents call on other beings as intercessors between
themselves and God."

!588

I'm assuming this refers to Christianity and the veneration of

saints. First, veneration to a saint is an indirect worship of God.
Everything that is holy about a saint is only from God. Therefore,
when you sing to a saint praising him for his holiness, you are really
stating that God is all-powerful and can change the darkest human
heart. Second, when you ask a saint for prayer or a miracle, you
are really saying that God has conquered death and has
transformed humanity. So worship of saints is really worship of
God. Third, the Greek makes a distinction in terminology. Dulia is
for saints. Hyperdulia is for the Virgin Mary. Latria is for God alone.
Perhaps he is referring to Catholic indulgences (still a
doctrine) or their Mariology. In that case, I would agree with him.
Page 5: "And I [Allah] created not the Jinns and humans
except they should worship Me [Alone] [Suratul Dhariyat 51:56]."
What are Jinn? Adly later mentions that they are made of fire
and that Satan is one of them, but other than that, he never
explains them. I'm told from elsewhere that you can conjure a jinn
and control it to do your will, but if you are not strong enough, he
will possess you. Interestingly, Christianity warns about

!589

communicating with unknown spirits AND explains why it's

dangerous. So in an ironic way, Islam is explained perfectly within
the Christian worldview -- mankind having reject the triune God in
favor of human exaltation. But we must progress onward.
Page 6: "All the Prophets and Messengers of God - from
Adam to Muhammad - called people to worship God alone, without
partner or intermediary."
What's the difference between a prophet and a messenger?
To whom did Adam prophesy/message if he was the first man? If
Muhammad was God's prophet, what is a prophecy that he
prophesied that came true? Adly makes a distinction between a
prophecy and a message, and Muhammad is a prophet, so the
prophet must have a prediction.
Etymology: The word prophet is from the Greek "pro"
meaning "before" or "in front of" and "phetes" meaning "speaker".
The Latin word "pro" means this and also "because of", but this
does not seem to be the case in Greek, although I could be wrong.
Page 6-7: He talks about how humans are made to worship
God alone, but he never defines worship and how it differs from

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common praise (such as one would congratulate his friend). Adly

talks about a concept but never explains the theological
underpinning. He will do this many times in the booklet. The most
he says is that "worship is inclusive. Changing a diaper...all can be
forms of worship if they are done with the sole intent to please
God."
Page 9: "There are certain tenets one must believe without
any doubt in order to be considered a Muslim."
What's wrong with doubt? I would actually argue that doubt
is necessary. Doubting causes you to seek why what you believe is
true. You cannot truly believe something unless you know why it is
true. Therefore, Doubt is essential to belief.
Page 9: Adly says that angels are powerful.
I thought only God was powerful. Did he give some of his
power to angels?
The Greek word "angellos" means "messenger". But if
Muhammad was the last messenger, then angels are not carrying
messages, especially since Adly says, "It is Gabriel's duty to take
God's revelation to the Prophets and Messengers." Granted,

!591

Muslim angels have more duties than just messages, so perhaps

God is just bad with vocabulary. He should have named them
something else.
Page 10: The Koran, according to Adly, is the only scripture
still available in its original form. The Bible was originally Islamic but
has since been corrupted by evil men.
How do we know that? More time has passed since the
writing of the Koran until today than between the New Testament
until the Koran. Moreover, we have NT manuscripts dating to the
second century, so the NT must have changed quickly. And since
Islam immediately began conquering the world after Muhammad's
death (and Ally will later say that Islam is semi-pacifist), then we
must assume that the Koran was soon after changed.
Also, why didn't God preserve the Bible? If he could have but
didn't, then he does not care about Truth or idolatry. If he couldn't
have preserved it, then he is not all powerful nor can he guarantee
us that the Koran will not be corrupt.
Page 11: "The Prophets, from Adam to Muhammad, were all
brothers in faith. They all called people to the same truth. Different

!592

Messengers came with different sets of laws sent by God to guide

and govern the people, but the essence of their teachings was the
same."
If the different sets of laws are tailored to different societies,
then the civil law of the Koran is inapplicable to modern American
society.
Page 12-13: Adly describes Heaven as a reward for being
good.
Earlier he said that you do good to please God. Now he is
saying you to Heaven to get a reward. These sound compatible, but
they aren't. You are either doing good for yourself (Heaven) or for
love of God (a personal relationship). One is self-focused and
without sincerity. The other does not think of rewards but only of
abstract ethical theory, that is, to do the right thing for the right
thing's sake. This is an over-simplification, but it will suffice for now.
Muslim heaven is a lot different than Christian Heaven.
Christian Heaven is allegorical. Eternity is spent knowing God as a
relationship. Muslim eternity is spent enjoying pleasures
where"everything one wishes for will be granted." (page 13) Again,

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Christ said, "I do not call you slaves but friends." Islam and
Christianity are mutually exclusive because we have two different
views of how God acts toward people.
This "morality for reward" is basically pagan pax deorum. It
also ranks on stage one or two (it seems that a distinction is not
made in Islam) in Kohlberg's theory.
Page 17: We are now in the five pillars of Islam. Of course,
Adly does not state from which surah or sunnah these principles
are listed, but we will forgive that as a minor transgression. On this
page, Adly is talking about how they worship facing the Ka'bah. He
says, "One must remember that Islam does not have any sacred
relics or symbols for worship...To put it plainly, the building materials
that make up this house are no more sacred than any other building
materials."
This sarcastically warms my heart. If no matter is sacred in
Islam, then we can destroy the Dome of the Rock and rebuild the
Hebrew Temple. Hell, we can also draw pictures of Muhammad
since his face was not sacred either. Finally that banned episode of
South Park can be aired.

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Page 19: "The Qur'an is regarded, not just by Muslims but

also by historians of religion, as the most authentic religious text
among the world's religions. None of the other revealed books have
been maintained in their original form or language."
This is the first time Adly tells a blatant lie. I would be
offended at how stupid he thinks the reader is, but realistically, most
Christians don't know their own beliefs well enough to know that
this statement is untrue.
We have New Testament texts going back to the second
century. We have more NT manuscripts than any Classical work. If
the NT is to be rejected, so is Homer, Caesar, and pretty much
anything older than 300 years ago. This website is kind of lame, but
it provides a good explanation: http://carm.org/manuscriptevidence.
Another concern is that no ancient book is 100% attested for.
NONE. For example, sometimes the NT will be missing an article
adjective. In Antigone, some of the lines are jumbled in different
texts. Half the copies of the Aeneid, Book ii, are missing 30 lines. Of

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course, this does not mean that we are to wholesale reject the
works because of such contradictions.
Page 20-21: Adly states that the greatest miracle is the
Koran. "God challenges all who doubt the authenticity of the Qur'an
to produce a single chapter similar to a chapter of the Qur'an...This
has never been done...One of the Qur'an's miracles is that it is the
pinnacle of literary excellence. It is the most eloquent Arabic
prose..."
Here Adly just gets stupid. To be fair, I don't know Arabic. But
one of the first things I noticed when reading the Koran was how
similar it sounded to the Psalms. Most of the verses you could take
out of context and they would sound completely Christian.
No book is completely original. Everything has influences,
even if they are only stylistic. So the Koran, literarily at least, was
imitating books before it just as the Psalms are relying upon the
conventions of Semitic poetry.
Also, there is no system of measurement to determine what
is the best work. Perhaps I think the Christian Arabic poetry is the
greatest work of world literature. Who is to determine that the Koran

!596

is better than other Arabic writing? This is at best circular logic and
at worst a non sequitur.
A religion scholar may tell you that music has not been
central to Islam. I cannot attest to this personally, but it is probably
true. Consider also the lack of paintings in Islam. Islam is not a
religion of art or allegory. Christianity, however, realizes that mythoi
are central to the human soul.
Page 24: "Islam rejects the notion that Satan went to war
with God...he is merely a creature, absolutely dependent upon God
for his very existence."
Christianity also rejects dualism. Satan's war is futile. He
does not fight in hope of winning but only out of spite and sadism.
Page 24: "Satan and his hosts...seek[ing] to misguide
humanity -- his avowed enemy, into evil and idolatry, away from
monotheism, righteousness, and the path of God."
If that is so, how come the Jews are still very monotheistic?
And there are also atheistic religions like some forms of Buddhism.
Although to be fair, atheism probably did not exist in that part of the
world, so Muhammad could not have written against it. Also, many

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forms of secular philosophy during the Enlightenment were

monotheistic.
Page 26: "It was in the ancient city of Nicaea...that the First
council of Nicaea convened, 325 years after the birth of Jesus. It
was at this council that Jesus was declared by the majority of the
council members to be divine rather than God's Prophet and
Messenger. The concept of the trinity was established by declaring
that Jesus was the same as and equal to God. This is in direct
opposition to the Abrahamic principles of monotheism, which Jesus
himself affirmed and called people to."
At least Adly has more honesty than Dan Brown. That being
said, he misrepresents the truth here. Again, we have NT
manuscripts predating Nicea. I would encourage anybody to give
me any evidence that the concept of the trinity or the incarnation
did not exist before Nicea. If you can show me that the trinity or the
incarnation was thought up at Nicea for the first time, I will
renounce Christ.

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Instead, these doctrines did exist, and some tried to change

them. Thus the council was called to defend what was already
believed.
Page 27: "To believe that it was necessary for Jesus to suffer
and die in order to have our sins forgiven denies God's infinite
power and justice."
Christ did not die to forgive or undo sins (a change in status).
He died to to conquer death and sin (a change in being).
Page 28: "Islam places emphasis on the individual's
relationship with God. The framework for this relationship follows
the guidelines set out by the Qur'an and Sunnah. This relationship,
in turn, defines a Muslim's relations with everyone else, which
brings about justice, organization, and social harmony."
Adly does not define relationship. Is this knowing God
intellectually or personally? Again, something in Islam looks like
Christianity but has a very different meaning.
Last Third of the Book: Now Adly discusses Islam and
Society. He almost never cites the Koran, Sunnahs, or anything
else. He also says that most Muslim countries have not kept Islam--

!599

that is, they have not respected women or shown the semi-pacifism
explained in this book. Most of what Adly says here isn't worth
repeating.
Islam produced Arab culture. Therefore, Arab culture should
reflect Islamic morality. Our society, loosely based on Christianity
and British Empiricism, still holds Christian and Lockian values
even if distorted over time.
Anthropology in the philosophical sense means one's view of
humanity. According to Adly, Islamic Anthropology teaches to
respect women, protect religious freedom, and do not kill unless
absolutely necessary. However we do not see this in Muslim
countries. By comparison, even in corrupt Medieval Catholic
Europe, usury was still forbidden and religious orders were founded
to take care of the poor and sick.
During the first few centuries of Christianity, Christians died
peacefully as martyrs. During the first few centuries of Islam, they
tried to conquer the world.
Adly says that there can be a just war but no "holy war".
(page 35) This seems to be a contradiction of terms. For example, if

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a gang from South Chattanooga is going to burglarize my parish

church, then I will do anything necessary to stop them, including
violence. This is a holy war. It is a war fought for holy causes.
He also says that it is wrong to kill innocents in war and
compares it to murder. (page 37-38) He actually cites sources here.
And truly, if you read the Koran, you will see that it was trying to be
a liberal and progressive book. Anyway, in war it is IMPOSSIBLE to
avoid killing innocents. Nevertheless he says "It is clear from the
preceding [quotes] that even during war...they are never allowed to
target any civilians, or to destroy crops, trees, or livestock." Again,
he says something with no logical basis and assumes the reader
will agree. The preceding quotes only said that you should not kill
an innocent human but made no mention of animals or trees.
He tells a story about how the first Caliph told the Byzantine
army to not harm the monks near the battlefield. This begs the
question why Byzantines would be destroying their own
monasteries. He also doesn't explain why the pacifist Arabs are
attacking Byzantium. Byzantium is a long way from Mecca.

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This is worth quoting separately: "When Umar, a companion

of the Prophet Muhammad and the second Caliph, drove the
Roman legions out of Jerusalem, the Muslims were welcomed as
liberators...He brought a treaty that guaranteed the people of
Jerusalem, who were predominately Christian, their safety and
freedom from all persecution."
I will tell you the story of Patriarch St. Sophronios I of
Jerusalem. After various heroic acts that saints do (defend against
heresy, write books, travel, etc.), St. Sophronios became bishop of
Jerusalem. The Muslims were laying seige to the city. Sophronios
negotiated the terms of surrender, specifically asking that the holy
sites be respected. The inhabitants were actually glad because
they hated the Byzantine government so much and saw them as
oppressors. Nevertheless, they didn't want Muslim rulers; they only
would rather have had them than the Byzantines.
At first the Muslims agreed to protect the holy sites, but then
they transgressed after entering the city. Heartbroken not at the
deception but at the sacrilege, St. Sophronios died from the grief

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some time thereafter. You can find out more about him at http://
www.catholic.org/saints/saint.php?saint_id=925.
Page 40: "The Qur'an has many amazing scientific
references tat, with the help f today's modern technological
advancements, are just recently becoming fully understood."
No citation. Surely if the Koran provided such scientific
advances, it would be a great proof of its truth. Most of what he
says about how Islam views women also is not citated.
End of Book: He talks about how "fundamentalism" means
"literal", which is etymologically false. He says that anti-Islamic
feelings are recent.
They are recent because Europe had colonized much of
Muslim lands until the 20th century. They also had dictators who
provided stability, whereas now they have democracies that provide
anarchy and chaos. WMDs are a new invention that is difficult to
produce, and many of them were given to the terrorists by America.
Airplanes are fairly new, especially in such an underdeveloped part
of the world, so it would have previously been hard to hijack one.

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Page 43: Adly says that people in that part of the world are
under great oppression and compares it to a pressure cooker. He
says, "Thus we are seeing more and more of them willing to take
extreme measures, willing to react in violent ways, even to kill
themselves, in order to deliver a militant or political act of defiance."
He has now reached full conceit. Does he actually think
anyone will be to sympathize with suicide bombers? He just lost
every convert he had gained.
Furthermore, it would be one thing if the bombers were
trying to kill the leaders oppressing them. However, these people
are often trying to kill us. True, we haven't always treated them well.
But we haven't put pressure on them that causes the kind of
poverty, oppression, and injustice he claims. Adly never explains or
even states that they are trying to kill Americans. Instead, he hopes
you won't notice it.
Page 44: Adly says that man has "extreme insignificance"
compared to the over 120 billion galaxies.
Here is the largest difference with Christianity. Man is
significant because God gives him significance. "For God so loved

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the world that He gave His only-begotten Son so that whoever may
believe in Him will not perish but have eternal life."

The Value of Difficulty

Why does God demand so much of us? There are many
reasons for this, but here I will discuss that without difficulty, there
would be no reason to pursue God. A religion that is easy,
comfortable, and accessible holds no value because in religion, we
seek something outside of ourselves. Many of today's churches, in
an effort to attract people, provide a Sunday morning service where
the only thing missing is the popcorn. They do this to convert
people, yet more and more people who grow up in this kind of
church leave. Some turn to atheism or non-dogmatic spirituality,
both of which are easy, comfortable, and accessible. Others turn to
Islam or Eastern religions, which are difficult but provide lifechange.
The Bible asks you to abstain from certain life-experiences
of society--fornication, sodomy, drugs, excessive drinking, illegality,

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etc. Each of these are asked to be kept so that you may be

protected, but God also asks these to direct you to him. Apart from
a relationship with Christ, avoiding sin is painful because apart from
Christ we are sin. Every good deed can be done with the wrong
motivation. When you choose to have virtue, make sure you are
looking to God, and you will find a joy and security in the virtues
that society mocks.
God doesn't only ask you to keep from sinning--a negative
command. He also asks for a positive command--prayer, fasting,
and almsgiving. Prayer is our way of talking with God. Not only are
we asking things of Him but are also worshiping Him. When we
worship Him, we are experiencing humanity at its fullest. With
worship, avoiding sin becomes a joy because when we worship
God, we unite with Him. With God there is no sin.
Fasting is important because it reminds us that earth is not
our home. The Bible encourages fasting from both food and from
sex. Both food and sex are innately good. But if you eat whatever
you want, however you want, and whenever you want, that is
unhealthy both physically and mentally. In the same way, sex with

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your wife whatever you want, however you want, and whenever you
want is both physically and mentally unhealthy as 1 Corinthians 7.5
says"Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time,
so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together
again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of selfcontrol." When we deny ourselves things that are good for the mere
sake of denial, we are reminded that in the Christian life, we do not
get everything we want. Our ego comes second to God. By denying
ourselves to ourselves, we can then deny ourselves to God and to
others.
Almsgiving is closely connected to fasting. In almsgiving, we
are denying ourselves to others based on the humility and heavenfocus we learned through prayer and fasting. When we give to
others, we are reminded, again, that in the Christian life we do not
get everything we want. We are reminded that the soul is eternal
and so individual people are important. What we do to the least of
these, we also do to Christ. So almsgiving is really a form of
worship. If you cannot help the needy in a way that is both
sacrificial and humble, then you cannot love God but God demands

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sacrifice and humility. John 14.15 "If you love me, you will keep my
commandments."
You see now the difficulty of Christianity. It is more complex
than merely loving God and others, as if love is only an attitude or
feeling and not an action. It is much more complex than "just
trusting Jesus and letting him do the rest" as many churches today
claim. This is not something done within a finite moment but a
constant choice of lifestyle. But if you truly love God and
understand what He is offering you, then you will see people as He
sees them. A love of God yields prayer, fasting, and almsgiving as
well as an avoidance of sin. God wants you to have these virtues,
both the positive and negative commands. If you want to want them
so that you can know God better, then He will give you them.
Sometimes we will do these things reluctantly but choose them
because we know that ultimately it is in our best interest; that is
okay, for it takes time for God to make we more like Him. In time,
we will do these things with a greater excitement than a person can
feel for anything else.

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A Relational God
It is often said that the difference between Christianity and
every other religion is that in other religions, we are trying to reach
God, but in Christianity, God came to us. This is somewhat true but
not as much as some people think. There is nothing we can do to
reach God. God has to come to us and then offer us a way to him.
Perhaps one could say that Allah offers a way for man to reach him.
There is also the pax deorum (peace of the gods) of pagan Rome-please the gods and they will please you. One could argue that all
these requires works, but Christianity does too (James 2.24, Psalm
51.17). Faith, after all, is a work. That being said, I do not believe
that we must earn our way to God as if he promises something if
we complete a checklist.
No, the main difference between Christianity and every other
religion is that our god is a relational god. Islam dogmatically
believes that God is unknowable. The belief that God would
become a human and dwell in the womb of a woman is
inconceivable. The pagans, ancient and modern, pray to gods but
do not believe they can know them. Only the god of the Bible is
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knowable. He is not innately knowable but is only so because he

chooses to make himself known. Every other god throughout the
world is at best only interested from a distance, much like that song
by Bette Midler.
Even if you believe the saints can hear your prayers, you
must believe that they are not relational. It's fine to ask the Blessed
Virgin to pray to you and to venerate her in song, but it's clear that
you don't know her as a person. There are times through history
when she has appeared to people, but even then she was acting as
a distant benefactor and not as a close friend.
How then is God relational? You do not go to movies with
God. You cannot tell him a joke. He is not your "best friend" as so
much of pop-Christianity likes to portray. But neither is God a
feeling like many "spiritual" people seem to believe (although they
would argue otherwise). God is not a self-enlightenment. He is not
a sense of peace. He is not in the wind and the flowers in the
forest. He acts in the sacraments, but these are gifts from Him, not
Him Himself as a person. The Eucharist is certainly God, but it is
only for consumption.

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This is one of the great mysteries of Christianity. Knowing

God is impossible to explain. It is beyond human speech. In this
mystery we see the a profound evidence of Christianity: the
experience of people across the world throughout history of a
relationship that completely alters their lives but cannot be
described. We know when He is near because we know Him, but
we cannot put into words what that knowing is like. We can only
give vague descriptions, such as when St. Isaac the Syrian said,
"Thirst for Christ and he will satisfy you with his love." We don't
thirst for Christ like we thirst for water. We don't feel his love in the
same way that we feel the love of our earthly fathers. And often we
don't even realize we have this hole that needs to be satisfied. But
those of us that have experienced it know how true this quote is.

Why God Wants Us to Worship Him

I've been reading "Could It Be This Simple?" By Dr. Tim
Jennings. In one chapter, he talks about why we worship. It seems
odd that God wants us to worship Him. Why does God want our

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approval? He certainly doesn't need it. So why would God be

obsessed as to whether or not we consent to Him?
As human beings, we conform to that which we admire and
devote ourselves. For example, there is a sect of Hinduism that
devotes itself to the rat. The temples are infested with rats. People
bring food to the rats, and to be bitten by a rat is considered an
honor. Members of the sect hope to be reincarnated as a rat. As
I've said before, ideas have legs. In this case, the highest aspiration
is to become a rat.
God is the only One we can worship and not be destroyed.
Humans are the highest creation. Therefore, we must admire
something higher than ourselves. If we worship creation, at best
we'll be devoted to something equal and at worst to something less.
So it's very important to worship something higher than us, and that
something is actually a Someone, God.
Because God wants the best for us, He wants us to conform
to Him. It is not because He is insecure. It is because He loves us
and wants the best for us. Love is being as God is, so God always

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acts in love. Love seeks the best for others. Therefore, God always
seeks the best for us.
In ancient Israel, they were constantly making idols not to
replace God but to supplement Him "just in case". The word idol is
from the Greek eidos meaning image. To worship a false idol is to
worship a false image, for God who has revealed Himself is the
only true image and the only true reality.
Today, many Christians believe in reincarnation, astrology,
materialism, secularism, eudaimonia, or evolution "just in case".
They aren't satisfied with the Bible alone. They want something
beyond that which God has revealed, and they'll accept a false truth
instead of what they perceive to be a deficient truth.

Depravity as Humor
I love the movie Bad Santa. Maybe it's because I hate
Christmas, or maybe it's because I come from a broken family. At
any rate, it's odd that we like movies about depravity. It's funny to

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watch someone destroy himself on the big screen. But why do we

delight in sin?
I don't think we are actually delighting in sin as though we
want sin to happen. Say what you will about the unconscious, we'd
be horrified if a mall Santa told a kid he got an STD from Mrs.
Claus's sister. I think that we enjoy watching depravity because it
makes our misery lighter.
Society is miserable in several ways. Bad Santa turns our
misery into a joke. And if it's a joke, it doesn't exist. The people who
don't like Bad Santa are either naive, mature, or happy. Bad Santa
nullifies our misery. And it's just damn good humor.

Action vs. Motivation

How much of goodness is the motivation, and how much is
the action? Obviously the right action for the wrong reason is the
wrong action, for God does not merely delight in sacrifices but in a
contrite heart. Yet the wrong action for the right reason is even
more destructive.

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Surely God honors a pure heart, at least part of the time,

even if it is misguided. Yet Hitler was only doing what he thought
best for Germany. So maybe God doesn't honor a good motivation.
But there are so many Christian denominations that at least some
of them must be misrepresenting Christianity. Does God honor a
minister who preaches an errant doctrine, even if that minister is
trying to promote the same Christ? Perhaps.
I don't know the answer because I don't know God. I don't
know whom He honors and whom He condemns, nor do I know
how lenient He is in what circumstances.

News Year's Resolutions.

News Year's resolutions. What's the point? One time a year
we make a vow to ourselves (which therefore isn't binding) to be
better people. Just as people are suddenly more generous during
Christmas, we are now all Stoics during the New Year. "I want to
lose fifteen pounds, go back to school, quit smoking, love Jesus
more, blah blah blah".

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Personally, I made all the resolution I need when I gave/amcurrently-giving my life to Christ. I don't need a holiday to feel like a
I have worth because Jesus already does that for me, and I don't
need a holiday to tell me to live better because Jesus, again,
already does that for me. New Year's resolutions are a product of a
godless and humanist society, and you would do well to not waste
your time, energy, and money with them. In fact, one could argue
that they are a form of idolatry.

A Lack of Direction
If you waited until marriage to have sex, you may have felt
awkward in high school. Yet come college, and suddenly everyone
respects you for it. Likewise, as you may have guessed, I plan on
joining a monastery eventually (I'm still in the parish). I've found a
lot of my secularist friends to be envious and admiring because I
"know my direction".
Here is where the rejection of Christianity has led society.
Jealous of a life-long virgin who plans to die poor and lonely. Why

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jealous? Because he, that is, I, have a plan and a purpose, and our
society is a society without plans and without purposes. Morals are
opinions and purposes are careers. Nobody believes in anything
anymore, and they so envy those of us who truly do.

Why God Lets Bad Things Happen

In the movie Watchmen, a man tells a story about how a
child was murdered. He finishes by saying, "If God saw what
happened that night, He didn't seem to care. He didn't make the
world like this. We did." That is the gospel.
We live in a free world. We can be riff raff. It's not God's job
to fix our problems or make sure we have nice, long lives. You
wouldn't expect that from anyone other than God.
Nevertheless, He has thrown us a bone. He's not "watching
us from a distance" like in that song. He's given us a chance to
have nice, long lives in the afterlife. He does care.

Peace
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Peace is another word for inactivity. To quote Shakespeare,

"Peace? I hate the word as I hate Hell, all Montagues, and thee."
There are different kinds of peace. If you think about it, so
much brilliant art comes from a lack of inner peace. Often, peace
can be a bad thing. It's okay to enjoy conflict; what's important is to
channel that enjoyment into something good like writing an
apologetics blog.
Christ wants to bring us a certain kind of peace. As St.
Augustine says, "You stir us so that we are restless until we rest in
you." This is what St. Paul meant by saying that it is a fruit of the
Spirit. If you have the Spirit's peace, then you will be at rest in God.
Yet Christ doesn't desire some other kinds of peace. "I did
not come to bring peace but a sword." We are to be at war with
falsehood. We are to "be in the world but not of the world". See my
essay "All Truth is Always Divisive" from September 2012.
After we die, we will be at peace in Heaven because there all
activity ceases. Yes, we will be praising God. But there will be no
stress or conflict. We will be at complete rest. This is what is meant

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in Micah 4 about turning swords into plows. We will no longer fight

for Christ but instead enjoy cultivating a relationship with Him.
Finally, should we desire world peace? It's like desiring a
unicorn: it's a nice dream, and maybe it could exist, but you
shouldn't waste your breath preaching sermons about it. I think it's
even dangerous to preach about world peace because that focuses
the Church on making an earthly kingdom and not a heavenly one
[I'm talking to you, Pope Benedict, and the pussy before you who
prayed with Buddhists]. To try to achieve world peace is to believe
that all of humanity can achieve selflessness, humility, and
unbiasedness. Ideas have legs, and perhaps many Christians may
unconsciously believe such an errant view of human nature.
However, if you open the Bible, Nietzsche, or a history book, you
will see that we humans love nothing more than dominating and
destroying each other. Again, we should channel this desire into
something good, like writing an apologetics blog.

Communism and the Gospel

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I've seen pictures of Russian churches in the 21st century

being filled to the brim. 75% of the Russian people identify
themselves as Orthodox. I've have heard stories from those who
have been there. The monasteries are full of young people.
Parishes are so full that people can't walk to the front to light a
candle; you can even feel someone making the sign of the cross on
your back.
Communism promised to deliver everything and more. All
your dreams would come true. Although it may have solved
homelessness and hunger, it created long lines and general
poverty. People felt trapped within their own homes with the thought
control and career planning. Although Capitalism definitely has
problems, Communism utterly failed to create an earthly paradise.
Even during the USSR, the government slackened on its
oppression of the Church to build public morale. Although many
people fell away from the Church, many also held to it and found
comfort in its teachings and atmosphere (look up the Russian film
The Island). When the government finally fell, many people had not
been raised in the Church. They could not understand the dead

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language it was in, and they did not know the etiquette. Yet
nevertheless, it has grown tremendously. The common people have
seen that there is no earthly heaven. When society fails to deliver
all that it has promised, people focus on heaven and forget about
the earth.
The fires of persecution have purified and strengthened
Russian Christianity. Likewise, Christianity is growing in China and
throughout Asia. Communism has done more to propagate the
gospel than we could ever have imagined. So, as St. Peter says at
the beginning of his first letter, "In this you rejoice, though now for a
little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so
that the tested genuineness of your faithmore precious than gold
that perishes though it is tested by firemay be found to result in
praise and glory and honour at the revelation of Jesus
Christ" (ESVUK).
Perhaps the Russian government is only supporting the
Church out of ethnic pride. Perhaps it's seeking to building stability
through conformity. Maybe it thinks, probably rightly, that if the

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common masses are happy, they won't challenge the government.

For whatever reason, I rejoice that the gospel is propagated.

Philosophia Ancilla Theologiae

Is philosophy the handmaid of theology, or is she the
prostitute? Are theology and philosophy in harmony or conflict?
Should philosophy affect our theology?
A philosopher or theologian is only as good as his
interpreter. If people can misuse and abuse St. Paul, then they can
do the same to Aristotle, St. Augustine, and Nietzsche.
Some philosophers like Nietzsche and Freud may say some
very errant things about God yet have very true insights into human
nature, often because of what they say about God. Nietzsche talks
about how man needs to fight, his fear of truth, and how without
God he is spinning out of orbit. Freud talks about our obsession
with value and self-centeredness like in the article "Mourning and
Melancholy" (which is very worth your time).
Other philosophers like Plato and pretty much everyone from
Great Britain try to find goodness (not all philosophers do) yet are
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very errant. We can learn somethings from them, but we should

read them very carefully. This is also true with theologians like
Origen and Sts. Augustine and Gregory of Nyssa, although I would
argue that Augustine and Gregory are in a much less errant
category than Origen, Plato, and the British Empiricists.
Some like Augustine and Paul have influenced a wide variety
of beliefs in several conflicting ways. They can be hard to
understand, as they often admit themselves, and should be read
with careful commentary.
There are different disciplines of philosophy. Some like
metaphysics and epistemology are related to psychology and
sociology. Others like axiology and logic show us that we often
make poor decisions without much thought. Historical Philosophy
shows us the cycles man goes in when he rejects the conventional
religion, whether that is paganism or Christianity. Above all,
philosophy brings us out of our small world so that we may see
humanity as a whole.
Philosophy can be the handmaid of theology, but only if it is
approached correctly. What does it mean to view philosophy in the

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light of Christ? Sometimes in church history, people have used

philosophy to rewrite their beliefs. They take the logic and
inquisitiveness of philosophy and try to plunge the mysteries of
Christianity. Sometimes they've written new beliefs entirely. In this
way, Christianity is tainted by philosophy.
However, philosophy should be tainted by Christianity. We
should take the true from Plato and Aristotle and learn from the
falsehood. Why do people believe this false thing? What does it say
about humanity? Is what I think true in harmony with the Bible and
the Church Fathers? Am I taking the author as he is, or am I
reading my own thoughts into him? Am I viewing his views as a
whole like literature (which is good) or breaking them into
disconnected pieces like law (which is bad)? These are hard to
answer because we all have our biases. However, we should do
our best to honestly seek out truth, and once we find it, to hold firm.
A philosopher or theologian is only as good as his interpreter.

Selling Value

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Lady Gaga claims that at her concerts and in her music, kids
can feel comfortable and safe as homosexuals. It's a world where
freaks are normal and normal people are freaks. This sounds nice,
but what's glaringly obvious is that it costs money to enter her
world.
This is a common theme in our society. X product is where a
kid can be a kid or is where women belong or is the drink of men.
Pay our price, and you can have value and acceptance.
I have a better solution. Christ paid a price so that we be
valued and accepted by him. This is a value that goes beyond any
other value and satisfies all the value we try to find in everything
else, as Donald Miller tells us (his book Searching for God Knows
What is probably the best explanation of the gospel I've ever read).
Hence why people are willing to die as martyrs. Why men and
women take vows of virginity. Why people grow apathetic toward
the news and peaceful toward the turmoil in the world. We don't
need to care about the matters of the world because we understand
that being concerned about politics, pop culture, or money will not
bring us satisfaction.

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"You stir us so that we are restless until we rest in you." --St.

Augustine

Human Nature and a Few Flaws

I saw the movie Thank You for Smoking the other day. After
a lobbyist makes a mistake that costs him his job, someone
comforts him by saying, "It's attractive to have a few flaws. Makes
you human."
Often when people make mistakes, we attribute it to being
"only human". We look down on "perfect people". Our identity as
human beings is in being sinners.

I think this is what St. John meant by that the world loves darkness
and could not understand the light. St. Paul's statement "there is no
condemnation for those who are in Christ" is offensive for the
person comfortable in sin. Yet we are "to live in the world but not be
of the world". We are to find out identity as human beings in being
perfect, for Christ said "you will be perfect as I am perfect". We, the
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invisible church, understand that true humanity is created in the

image of God, and that sin is the creation of God out of order.
Human nature is not flawed but perfect. Fallen human
nature, where we are now, is flawed. To be comfortable with "a few
flaws" is to enjoy being in the darkness.

Eudaimonia
What is eudaimonia? Sometimes spelled eudemony, it is
Greek for "good-spiritedness". Well-being. Human flourishing. The
good life. It is an ethical theory not about right choice but about
right character.
In some sense, everybody is a eudaimonist. However, there
are different kinds. Aristotle, its founder, saw it as the individual
attaining virtue and stability. He writes about different sects of
society and what makes a person happy. This, I believe, is
Christian.
Horace, writing at the beginning of the Roman Empire, writes
about how we should be apathetic about other humans and instead

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spend our time drinking and fornicating. Paradoxically, this lack of

world-focus is very worldly.

Related to that, people today view the good life as traveling and
experiencing as much as they can. I have a friend who believes in
reincarnation solely because there's just too much to see.
The ancient Stoics, a bit after Horace, were trying to recover
early Roman morals. They viewed society as a machine where
everybody has a set function and everything should be seen as it
really is. Marcus Aurelius once says that we should think of sex as
merely rubbing because that's what it is. This is the polar opposite
of Horatian ethics.
Somewhere in between the two is Christianity: to not focus
on the temporal but on the eternal. We should care about society
when it comes to flourishing human souls, but we should not place
our hope in the government to fix our problems.

Ethical Egoism

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There is a theory of ethical metaphysics that states that we always

do what is in our own best interest. Even if we do something
sacrificially, it ultimately has an unconscious and self-centered
motive for us. This is one of those theories that holds within itself
and can be easily defended. While I don't think it's necessarily
heresy, I reject this thesis.
I reject it because of its applications. If sacrificing $20 to give
to a homeless man is done, at least in part, for my own good, then I
must ask, "How shall we then live?" How should I make decisions
based upon this knowledge? Wouldn't it be better to not ever
sacrifice at all? And if so, we should live in full ethical egoism, that
is, to always do what I consciously believe is in my best interest.
Therefore, human compassion and altruism dies altogether. Ideas
have legs, and if we embrace this, then we must embrace its
applications.
Now you may be thinking, "Wait, Austin! You just used a
fallacy! You assumed the cause based on the effect." This is true.
But this effect could only happen if the cause were true. Because
the effect is false, therefore the cause also is false. To quote

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George Orwell, "On the whole people want to be good, but not too
good, and not quite all the time."

If p, then q.
q is false.
Therefore, p must also be false.

Religion and Culture

Now it is true that culture and religion are intertwined. Arabic
culture is very influenced by Islamic thought as India is influenced
by Hinduism and so on. But that doesn't mean they are the same.
Rather, a bad religion can corrupt an otherwise beautiful culture
(Islam), and a culture can greatly alter an existing religion (general
paganism; perhaps Buddhism also).
Not all religions can be equal because they are mutually
exclusive. Furthermore, religions usually yield a system of ethics.
Cultures, too, are not all equal, for they often yield a code of ethics.

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How can we not be judgmental when women are treated as dogs

(Islam) or Palestinians like swine (Israelis)?
Many religions only fit within a certain culture. Even though
Islam, Hinduism, and other religions have gained followers abroad,
they really speak to only one culture. Only Christianity speaks to all
cultures. From Ethiopia, to Palestine, to Russia, to southern India,
to China, to the Inuit, to Anglo-America and beyond, Christianity
has spoken to all kinds of cultures.

The Evolution of Morals

Some critics of Christianity claim that the Old Testament has
an underdeveloped sense of morality. "Do this" or Do not do this"
so that God will bless you. In contrast, Greek philosophy has a
higher sense of morality. "You should do this" so that you can be a
good man.
I don't see a dualism here. The Hebrews were an
underdeveloped civilization. They couldn't accept a complex
philosophy and abstract thought. It was hard enough to provide a
stable society to live in (they usually failed at that).
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Consider even in Abraham's time. Nowhere in the Bible does

God tell him or the next three generations not to fornicate or only
take only one wife. Perhaps God did and nobody wrote it down. But
we can't know. Later, when the Hebrews were an independent and
large society, God gave a complex law to live by so that they could
maintain stability and truth. But even then, it seemed to be more
about nominal obedience and not heartfelt acceptance.
As the time progresses, you see a higher level of morality.
The famous example is Psalm 51. Another good example is when
the Israelites celebrated the Passover a month too late. However,
because they did it with a good intention, God looked upon it
favorably (2 Chronicles 30).
Finally, Jesus says, "No longer do I call you servants, for the
servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called
you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made
known to you" (John 15:15). He also says (John 14.15), "If you love
me, keep my commandments." It is no longer about having blessed
crops. To the contrary, Jesus promises suffering. But Mediterranean
society, especially the spiritual children of Abraham, have

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progressed to the point where they can bear a full understanding of

ethics.
Soon afterward, the Holy Spirit comes, making the followers
complete. When Jesus on the cross said, "It is finished," perhaps
he meant more than just that death was conquered. Perhaps he
meant that the correct way of living had reached its final
understanding, whereas before it was only at 50% or 75%. We
have come into all truth.
Some people criticize the Old Testament for all the racism,
misogyny, slavery, genocide, and general inequality. Well, bad
news, liberals. You'll have to give up your mom and American pie if
you want to be a Christian. I suppose all men are created equal, but
some are more equal than others.
But it wasn't as bad as it seems. Even amidst this seemingly
barbaric ancient culture, God demanded mercy and compassion.
Here's what the Bible says about slavery. If you can't accept that
God condones some forms of it, then you are arrogantly trying to
tell God what He can and cannot do. You must accept the Bible as
a whole. We can't cut and paste through it.

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Exodus 21 (NASB): 7If a man sells his daughter as a female

slave, she is not to go free as the male slaves do.

8 If

she is

displeasing in the eyes of her master who designated her for

himself, then he shall let her be redeemed. He does not have
authority to sell her to a foreign people because of his unfairness to
her.

If he designates her for his son, he shall deal with her

according to the custom of daughters.

10 If

he takes to himself

another woman, he may not reduce her food, her clothing, or her
conjugal rights.

11 If

he will not do these three things for her, then

she shall go out for nothing, without payment of money...16He who

kidnaps a man, whether he sells him or he is found in his
possession, shall surely be put to death...20 If a man strikes his
male or female slave with a rod and he dies at his hand, he shall be
punished.

21 If,

however, he survives a day or two, no vengeance

shall be taken; for he is his property...26 If a man strikes the eye of

his male or female slave, and destroys it, he shall let him go free on
account of his eye.

27 And

if he knocks out a tooth of his male or

female slave, he shall let him go free on account of his tooth.

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Levitcus 19 (NASB):

20 Now

if a man lies carnally with a

woman who is a slave acquired for another man, but who has in no
way been redeemed nor given her freedom, there shall be
punishment; they shall not, however, be put to death, because she
was not free.
Levitcus 25 (NASB):

45 Then,

too, it is out of the sons of the

sojourners who live as aliens among you that you may gain
acquisition, and out of their families who are with you, whom they
will have produced in your land; they also may become your
possession. 46You may even bequeath them to your sons after you,
to receive as a possession; you can use them as permanent
slaves. But in respect to your countrymen, the sons of Israel, you
shall not rule with severity over one another.
Ecclesiasticus 7 (NJB): 20 Do not ill-treat a slave who is an
honest worker, or a wage-earner who is devoted to you. 21 Love an
intelligent slave with all your heart, and do not deny such a slave
his freedom.
Ecclesiasticus 34 (NJB): 25 Fodder, the stick and burdens
for a donkey, bread, discipline and work for a slave. 26 Work your

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slave hard, and you will have peace of mind, leave his hands idle,
and he will be asking for his freedom. 27 Yoke and harness will bow
the neck, for a bad servant, torments and the rack. 28 Set him to
work, so that he will not be idle; idleness teaches every kind of
mischie
1 Timothy 6:1-2 (AMT (my translation!)): As many as are
slaves under a yoke, they may be consider their own masters
worthy of all honor, so that the name of God and the teaching may
not be scandalized. And those holding believing masters should not
think little of them, but because they are brothers, rather they
should serve them better so that they are believers and beloved
who take the benefit. These things teach and exhort.

Disney Magic
I love Disney. It provides the commodity of wonder that is so
rare in our society, even if it is manufactured wonder. Yes, there are
a lot of bad morals in it, but I view it like opera: you don't take your
children to opera.

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What is it about modern society that has lost its sense of

wonder? People have mid-life crises or buy childhood toys again.
Video game companies re-release their old titles. The fantasy
genre, as well as sci-fi and pop-horror, have been very popular
lately.
We are constantly trying to become young again. This
seems counter-intuitive. Society keeps telling us to be mature and
not act like children. We are merely chemicals: all nurture and no
nature. Yet we don't act like that. Why does Disney resonate with
us? Why do we love princesses and magic? Because adult society
is so boring and stressful with its cog-like paradigm of human
existence and determinism. This has been a slow build in western
philosophy over the last several centuries.
When people view themselves as merely actors in a play,
they grow bored and disenchanted. Society falls apart when
humans become apes.

Is God a Bad Judge?

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Is God a bad judge? After all, he declares us guilty but

allows us to not be punished in Hell like we deserve. Furthermore,
he let Jesus takes the blame for us when He was innocent.
Of course God is a bad judge. God transcends justice.
Justice is an emotion. In the Old Testament, God gave the
law "an eye for an eye" to control justice. When people get justice,
they tend to go farther than the first wrong. Someone wouldn't just
take an eye; he would kill the other man as well.
Christ was always in control of his emotions. He felt them,
and they drove Him, but He never allowed them to cause Him to
sin.
Justice is not a sin, but neither does it not have to be acted
upon. Just as God can choose to spare us His righteous anger, so
too can He spare us His righteous justice. And if He wills to take the
punishment Himself, then He can because Christ is beyond justice.
John 3.17-19 "For God did not send His Son in to the world
to judge it, but so that He may save it. Who believes in Him is not
judged. Who does not believe, however, is now judged because he
did not believe in the name of the only begotten Son of God. This is

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the judgement: the Light came into the world, and men loved the
darkness more than the light."

What about Good People?

Good is a very pregnant word. Suppose a man lives his life
generally selflessly. Should not he be rewarded anyway?
I have two responses to this. The first is that crimes are not
weighed against good deeds. If you spend years feeding third-world
orphans but then one day murder somebody, the courts will not
take into account all your years of service. Murder has a
consequence regardless of good works.
The second answer is that when people ask this, they often
want to know if one can be a good person without Christianity. They
want the benefits of Christianity without all the humility and worship
and such. This is a bit cowardly, and CS Lewis addresses it in "Man
or Rabbit?" from God in the Dock*. But my point here is that these
people misunderstand the benefits of Christianity.

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People often think Christianity is a program to improve

society, but the morality is only a symptom of it. Christianity is about
knowing a transcendent entity in a relational way and submitting all
of your will to Him. As you submit, He gradually transforms you
more like Him so that the things He desires naturally become your
desires. Then the social betterment comes. You don't need God to
be respectful toward women and to entertain sick children. But you
do need God to know God. This is the difference between
Christianity and all the enlightenment of philosophy and eastern
religions.

Will Heaven be Boring?

I think the people who ask this have unfulfilling lives. Some
people object to Heaven that if there is never any suffering, then life
will be boring. This is a product of our drama-driven society. We
love movies will quick-action plots or emotional characters. In the
workforce, much like junior high school, people will create drama
out of boredom. People only enjoy suffering because they are
bored. So a lack of the suffering in Heaven, if anything, is evidence
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to how un-boring it will be. On the other hand, people who spend
their lives feeding orphans or something feel a great sense of
purpose and hope to do this purpose as long as they live.
God is infinitely interesting. Heaven is a place
completely focused on God. Therefore Heaven will be infinitely
interesting.
On earth, we do things. We make actions. Heaven exists
outside of time, and we don't really know what it will be like.
Therefore we cannot compare it to earthly life.

The Unreality of Evil

In our society, we have a dualistic view of evil. There are
good people and bad people in the world, and there must be a
conflict between the two. This is an old philosophical and religious
idea that has been manifested throughout history across the world.
The problem with this is that it shows a misunderstanding of
God. God is good. All goodness is Divine, that is, from and of God.
Therefore, anything that is not God is not good. This has several

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implications. The first is that unless you are of God, that is, unless
you are a Christian, you are not a good person. You are a bad
person. If you are a Christian, the only reason you are good is
because you are of Christ.
Another implication is that evil is a non-reality. God is all of
reality, and everything that exists is from him. Therefore, evil is the
lack of reality, for it is the lack of God. If God is goodness, and evil
is the opposite of goodness, thenevil does not exist.
This is why so many people across history have clung to
Christ. It seems like a strange obsession: monks and nuns enjoy
spending hours a day singing to God. Even the casual layman is
known to do radical things: reading the Bible for hours a day, living
selflessly, and perhaps even dying as a martyr. This is because
Christ is all of reality. When you are of Christ, you feel more real
and are more human than ever. Therefore, this strange passion for
Christ, which seems like foolishness to the world, is really what will
make us feel more satisfied than anything else. Merely chanting
ancient poetry and living selflessly seems boring and empty, and it
is if there is no deeper meaning behind it. If there was no God,

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Christianity would have tapered off long ago, and monasticism

would never have developed to the mass movement it became.

Cafeteria Morality
A lot of people have a high school crush on Christian
morality. They are fascinated with it, but they don't want to commit.
Saving sex for marriage is probably good. Don't do drugs. Be nice
to old people. Love your enemies and forgive your friends.
But these people want morality on their own terms. We can
be inspired by some of Jesus's teachings, but we mostly only do
them when it's convenient. Often we are judgmental with stories like
the rich young ruler, but most of us would do the same thing as the
ruler did.
You cannot take the good Jesus said and leave out the bad.
These are not arbitrary suggestions. Jesus also told a man not to
attend his father's funeral because that's focusing on the world.
Sometimes Jesus wasn't nice to people, especially his disciples.
Very disturbing is the way he talks to Nicodemus (John 3) who was
honestly and humbly inquiring. Notice that Jesus never gave the
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answers immediately; at best he made people work for them

(Nicodemus), and at worst he didn't give an explanation at all (John
6:25-71).
We like to paint Jesus as a cross between Buddha and
Gandhi with infinite patience and gentleness except when talking to
"the bad people" (i.e. the Pharisees). Meanwhile, we make his
difficult sayings into vague allegories with no real applications. It's a
fascinating system. Anything we don't like that Jesus says, we only
follow the "spirit" of it or the "underlying teaching" or any other trick
of words we can make.
George Orwell said, "On the whole, people like to be good,
but not too good, and not quite all the time."

Is Christianity a Religion or a Relationship?

Why is there a dualism between these two? Perhaps it would
be better to call Christianity the only religion with a relationship. But
alas, that doesn't sound catchy enough, and it certainly isn't
revolutionary.

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What is religion? Is it merely a set of rules and traditions

without deeper meaning? The word is from the Latin meaning "to
reconnect". What then are we reconnecting to? To the Divine. To
perfect morality. Knowledge of the human condition. A stable
lifestyle. A close-knit family. Hope that doesn't fail.
Furthermore, are rules and rituals necessarily bad?
Obviously, rules are good; I don't think any Christian will really deny
that. I think by "rules", people are really referring to religious
authority. As for rituals, many think they keep people away from
God by suffocating the intellect and forcing us to worship. Actually, I
really don't know why people don't like rituals; perhaps our society
is too easily bored and expects church to conform to our desires.
However, Jesus gave us rituals like baptism and
communion. He even told us to do what the Pharisees say (and not
live their lifestyle). Clearly, God knows that people naturally learn
from traditions and symbols. He also recognizes that not everyone
can fully understand theology and other Christian studies; thus, he
puts authority in our lives to guide us spiritually.

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So religion is not bad. Religion divorced from its original

meaning is bad. In fact, it's worse than no religion at all.

The Church of Atheism

The non-religious (sic atheists) claim that they are a break
away from religious authority. They are autonomous and
independent. While this is technically true, that is not how atheists
tend to act.
Every religion has a dogma and an agenda. Non-religious
organize groups and fight for their civil rights. Their agenda also
includes a paradigm of history: Jesus loves Muslim-killing, Hitler
wasn't influenced by Darwin, etc. Most non-religious believe that
homosexuality is completely normal or at least emotionally healthy
(in another article, I will argue that homosexuality cannot be healthy
no matter what the Bible says). Abortion is mercy, colonialism is
bad, and so on.
How many atheists do you know who are against gay rights
or abortion? How many non-religious think evolution is a silly

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theory? Whether they admit it or not, the non-religious are a

community and a movement.
The Greek word for church means "assembly". The nonreligious are an assembly. They have catechisms and doctrines.
One could argue that they also have rituals, but that is a bit of a
stretch. One must conform to their standard or be ostracized. The
racist, homophobic, anti-abortion, non-evolutionist atheists are the
loneliest people in the country.
What are the applications of this? Mankind is naturally
religious. If conventional religion goes away, dogmatic secular
philosophy will take over. Although there are some good aspects of
philosophy, much of it is man's attempt to fill in the world after he
has erased God. People like rituals, conformity, and dogmata no
matter how much they may protest anyway.
NOTE: I am not arguing that Christians are racist or
homophobic.

Each Generation's Arrogance

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A friend (the one from the Misogyny post) recently told me

that we've evolved past the need for absolutes and that I were
ignorant for not realizing it. Every generation has thought this. The
Renaissance thought they were breaking from the confines of
Medieval society. The Enlightenment, the academia and social
reform of the 19th century, and every generation since has thought
it's the newest evolution in mankind from just a few decades earlier.
I read a quote once from George Harrison saying that he's glad his
generation can talk openly about sex and that it was a new
phenomenon. Oddly, I feel the same way about my generation.
The problem with this notion of ethical evolution, whether to
relativism or something else, is, "How do we know we are right?" If
the Enlightenment was wrong despite their best efforts, are we
wrong despite our best efforts? What if in another century mankind
finds a new system of ethics beyond ours today and we find out our
ethics are terrible?
Another problem is that ideas recycle. The rejection of
absolute morals in ancient Rome was closely connected to social
decay and hedonism. Ironically, our society has seen the most

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broken families and sexual promiscuity since Christianity took over

the West. Also like ancient Rome, relativism and skepticism came
after humanism failed to find absolute Truth.
The sad thing is that my friend is a Classics student.
Therefore, she should know that modern man, especially in
America, is stupid and has slowly devolved over time.

Morality is like Chess

I heard this analogy the other day, and I thought I must share
it. Morality is like chess. A good chess player does his best to not
lose his queen. However, there is a time to lose the queen in order
to win.
People say that if there is an exception to a moral, such as
not lying or stealing, then the moral cannot be absolute. However,
there is a deeper absolute underneath the actions. You do not keep
the queen for the mere sake of keeping her. Rather, you keep the
queen in order to protect the king.

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What is Science?
Is religion opposed to science? Only if the science is false.
The word science is from the Latin scientia, meaning knowledge.
Anything that is false is not knowledge. The Christian, and for that
matter, the human, must pursue Truth and oppress Falsehood.
Therefore, Christianity is in pursuit of science, and atheism and
secularism is anti-science.
Here in America, the word commonly refers to the natural
sciences, but in Europe, they still use it in the broad sense to refer
to all academia. In ancient Greece, everything we think of as
science was considered philosophy. To the ancients, metaphysics
and ethics were not subjective arts but factual science. It included
mathematics, biology, and cosmology.

The Virtue of Aspiration

In a Nevershoutnever song, he says that he loves a girl
because she has dreams. In an episode of Bob's Burger's, Linda

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says she broke up with a guy because he had never had any
dreams.
Do find it odd how much society values aspiration? We place
a value on desiring things. Aspiration is not a bad thing per se. But
we view it as a high virtue.
In elementary school, they asked us what we wanted to be
when we grew up. This is a common theme among children's
education.
The problem with this is that not all dreams can come true.
Most people will grow up to get a job they at best tolerate. You will
not become a rock star or a ballerina.
It's not bad to want a certain career. However, your
aspirations should chiefly be on Christ. Aspire to be a great spouse.
Aspire to increase your prayer and fasting. Aspire to help your
church more.
The focus of your life should not to achieve a great career or
income level. Even having a stable family can be an idol. Your
focus should be on sanctification, for Christ said, "Seek first the
Kingdom of Heaven, and all these things will be added." If you care

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primarily about the Kingdom of Heaven, all earthly things, whether

they fall into place or not, will be at peace with you, and Christ will
take care of your needs.

Misconceptions about the Gospel

I saw a something that said, "If Jesus died for our sins,
wouldn't rising from the dead cancel the deal?" To quote CS Lewis,
"Good philosophy must exist if for no other reason than that Bad
philosophy must be answered." This would be a legitimate
objection, perhaps even proof, against Christianity if he were talking
about the gospel. However, he is referring to something slightly and
significantly different. I do not necessarily have a perfect answer,
but I think I have a good one.
A common view of the gospel in our society is "Man sinned
and thus owes God a debt of death. God was angry and needed to
be paid. So he came to earth and paid it for us." People will
reference singular verses like Ephesians 2.8 or the Romans Road,
constructing a grid of the gospel plan. But Jesus did not come

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merely to collect what was due to him. This would not be love. For if
someone merely pays off the debts of someone else without any
further rehabilitation, the person will only sink further into debt, even
if the first person continues to pay it off in the future.
Perhaps the gospel should read like this: "Man sinned and
was wounded by death. So God came and conquered death." Have
you ever wondered why Jesus died such a terrible death? If he was
merely paying off debts, he could have died peacefully in his bed or
quickly in a public hanging. Jesus died on the cross by crucifixion
because it was the most painful death of the time, and to rise from it
was to prove his strength. If a wrestler wants to prove that he is the
greatest wrestler around, he does not fight the easiest wrestler.
Instead, he seeks out the most dangerous wrestler available so that
he may prove that he is the strongest. Likewise, Jesus wanted to
prove he had all mastery of death so as to bring himself glory. If he
had only died, death would have conquered him. So it was
necessary to our salvation that he rose from the dead.
You may ask, "But we still die!" This is true, but death is not
the end. The goal of the gospel is sanctification. Without Christ's

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redemption, we are dead in spirit and cannot be sanctified. But

because death has been conquered, our spirit is made alive again,
and although physically we are still corrupted, we can trust that
once the physical has expired, only the righteousness will remain.
"Does this make the body evil?" No! It is not the having of a
body that makes us sin. Rather, it is that the dead body has not yet
been made alive. When we come to Christ, the spirit is revived. The
body is innately good, but currently it is out of God's order. In time,
God will raise it up and make it clean.
"Why doesn't God revive the body now?" I'm not fully sure,
but maybe it's because physically, your body does not change at
the "moment of justification". Christ died and rose again in both
body and spirit. When Adam sinned, only his spirit died
immediately. So too, when we are born, do we have a dead spirit.
Christ cannot revive something that is not yet dead! So perhaps
that is why we still sin now.
That is the problem with mankind. It is not a matter of
whether or not we repay God what we owe. It is a matter of being
healed from this chronic disease of death (spiritual and physical)

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which causes sin, physical disease, and general trouble in the

world.At first, the two gospels seem like two metaphors to describe
the same act. However, one can see the implications of the two
kinds of gospels. How does sanctification fit into a courthouse
model of salvation? Is man actually made good, or is he just
declared to be good? At what point are we "saved"? What is the
root of sin and suffering? Is there a dualism between body and
soul? And so on and so forth.

Self-Esteem and the Jews

Our society places a high value on self-esteem. While liking
yourself may bring you some pleasure, it's really a stupid virtue.
The pursuit of happiness is a world that won't develop. Without
displeasure, one will not develop virtue, ingenuity, or really
anything. Also, it's annoying to meet people who think really highly
of themselves. So really, self-esteem is just another word for pride,
ignorance, and personal peace.
This taints so much of society. For example, Christians used
to say that the Jews killed Jesus. But now the Jews are bitching a
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fit about that, so instead we say that the Romans killed Jesus. What
the fudge?! I don't think Jesus was concerned about abridging truth
so as not to offend people. The reality is that the Romans didn't
care whether or not Jesus died; it was the Jews who asked the
Romans to do the killing. Are we going to just cut the Jews out of
the New Testament? If we can't say that the Jews killed Jesus, what
next will we cut out? Let's ordain women and stop evangelizing to
Muslims while we're at it.
Personally, I will not apologize for the gospel. I will not be
afraid to be called racist or narrow-minded. The Jews killed Jesus,
and if that lowers their self-esteem, then I guess they'll have less
pride, ignorance, and personal peace.

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The final entry is my translation of about one-third of the New

Testament. We reach perhaps the bottom of quality. This was done
about the same time as the apologetics blog. Again, I am not
agreeing with what was written, but I do think some may find it
interesting. Like my apologetics blog, it represents a part of my
development that I dont think I can throw away or look down upon.

Romans

Paul who is a slave of Jesus the anointed and is called a

missionary and is separated apart into the gospel of God, the

gospel which earlier was promised through God's prophets in holy
scripture concerning his son, the son who is made from the sperm
of David according to flesh, the son who is separated in power
according to the holy wind out of the rising of the dead ones, this
Jesus the anointed one of our Lord, through whom we took favor
and mission into obedience of faith into all the nations on behalf of
his name, the nations in whom you all are who also call to Jesus
Christ, you who are in Rome who love God and are called holy:

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favor to you and peace from God our father and from the Lord
Jesus the anointed.
First I thank my God through Jesus the Christ concerning the
whole of you because your faith is announced in all the world. For
my God is a witness, in whom I am hired in my breath in the good
news of his son, as unceasingly I make memory of you always in
my prayers for how if I will ever make a good journey in God's will
to come to you. For I yearn to see you so that I may give some
share of spiritual grace to you so that you may be strengthened,
and this is to be comforted in the faith of others, both yours and
mine. And I do not wish to be in ignorance of you all, brothers, so
that often I planned to come to you, and was prohibited even until
now, so that I may have some fruit both with you and with the other
nations. I am a debtor to both the Greeks and the barbarians, to
both the educated and the simple. Thus [it is proper] for me, who is
eager for you in Rome, to proclaim the good news.
For I am not ashamed of the good news, for it is the power of
God into salvation for all who are believing, both the Jews first and
also the Greeks.

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 For the anger of God has been uncovered from heaven upon all
irreverence and unrighteousness of men who hold the truth in
unrighteousness because the knowledge of God is shown among
them. For God showed them. For his invisible things are seen and
known from the foundation of the word in the things created, both
his eternal power and divinity, so that they are without defense,
because when they knew God, they did not give him belief and
grace as God but were made nothing through their arguments, and
their foolish hearts were made dark. Claiming to be wise, they
became stupid and changed the doctrine of the incorruptible God
into the likeness of the images of a corruptible man and birds and
beasts and lizards.
Therefore God gave them over in the desires of their hearts into
uncleanliness of the dishonoring of their bodies among themselves.
Whosoever changed the truth of God into a lie and were afraid and
served for payment the foundation instead of the founder, who is
blessed into the ages, amen.
Through this God handed them over into dishonorable passion,
for also the wills of them changed the natural acquaintance into the

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unnatural, and likewise the masculine things, having been

discarded for the feminine, were kindled in their appetite into
others, the masculine in the masculine working disgrace and
recompense, that which there was need of the going astray of them
in their receiving themselves. And as it did not seem to God to hold
them in recognition, he gave them over into a disreputable mind to
make those things which do not [naturally] come, filled in all
unrighteousness, bad disposition, greed, badness, full of jealousy,
murder, conflict, deception, and rudeness. [They became]
slanderers, hated by God, having hubris, making themselves larger
than appropriate, wanderers, discoverers of badness, disobedient
to parents, stupid, faithless, loveless, and merciless. Those who
observe the righteousness of God, so that they who do these things
are worthy of death, are not doing these alone but also consent to
those who do them.
Oh mankind, you who judge are without excuse. For in this you
judge the other, you judge yourselves, for the things you do you
judge. I know that the judgment of God is according to truth upon
these actions. Do you argue this, that you judge the things you do,

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that you will flee the judgment of God? Or do you not think of the
wealth of His goodness and of His self-restraint and of His goodwill,
not knowing that the goodness of God leads you into the change of
mind? According to your austerity and immollifiable heart, you
treasure anger for yourself in the day of anger and of revelation of
the righteous judgment of God who returns to each according to his
work. On one hand, according to the endurance of the good work,
they seek the belief and the honor and the incorruption, that is, the
unending life. And on the other, those who out of contention also do
not obey the truth but instead unrighteousness, anger and collapse
[will come to them]. Tribulation and anguish are upon the whole
soul of a man who works the evil, of the Jew first and also the
Greek. But glory, honor, and peace are upon all who work the good,
to the Jew first and also the Greek. For there is not respect of
persons alongside God.
For all those who sinned are without law, and without the law
they also will perish. And whoever sinned in the law, through the
law will be judged. For they are not hearers of the law who are just
alongside God, but those who do the law will be made righteous.

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For when the nations who did not have the law by nature did the
law, these not holding the law are a law to themselves. Those who
display the work of the law which is written in their hearts, their
witness of a conscience between other reasonings which either
defend themselves or accuse [others], in the day when God will
judge the hidden things of men against my gospel of Jesus the
anointed.
And if you who are called a Jew and rest upon the law and speak
loudly in God and know the will and, having been taught, examine
the things carried over out of the law, [then] you consider yourself to
be a guide of the blind, the light of those in darkness, a teacher of
the foolish and young, holding the form of knowledge and truth in
mind. And therefore, who teaches another [person], do you not
teach yourself? Who proclaims [that one should] not steal, do you
not steal? Who says [that one should] not fornicate, do you
fornicate? Who hates idols, do you plunder temples? Who boasts
by means of law, you dishonor God through the deviation from the
law. For it is written, the name of God is slandered through you
among the nations.

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 For circumcision helps if one acts according to law. And if you

are a transgressor of the law, then your circumcision becomes
uncircumcision. Thus if the uncircumcision guards the circumcision
of the law, then is not its uncircumcision argued to be circumcision?
And it will judge [whether] you who out of nature are not
circumcision [but] complete the law through the writing of the
circumcision [are] a transgressor of the law. For it is not one who is
a Jew in the visible in flesh who is circumcised but one who is a
Jew in the hidden [place] and [is] circumcised of heart in spirit and
not in writing, of whom the praise is not from men but from God.
Who then is more than the Jew than that which is the help of
circumcision? By much according to the whole way. For first the
words of God were believed [by the Jews]. Why? If [only] some
believed, does not their lack of faith abolish the faith? May it not
come about! And God may be made [the One] of truth, and all
mankind [may be made] false, according to what is written, Just as
you are made righteous in your argument and you conquer in your
being judged.

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 And if the unrighteousness of our God commends righteousness,

what will we say? Is God not unrighteous who carries anger? I
speak according to man. May it not come about! In what way when
God judges the world? And is the truth of God in me in the way that
I the sinner am judged? And do we not slander and ay some of us
to speak that we will do the bad so that the good [may come] by
mercy? Of whom the judgment is just.
What then? Do we [Jews] excel? Not at all. For we, all the Jews
and Greeks, are charged beforehand to be under sin. For it is
written that no one is righteous, and no one is one who seeks God.
No one asks about God. All deviated, and at the same time were
made useless. There is not one who makes good, not one while he
is of one. Their throat is an open grave that deceives by their
tongues, a poison snake is under their lips of whom the mouth is
full of cursing and bitterness, and their sharp feet pour out blood.
Grief and distrust are in their ways, and they do not know the way
of peace. The fear of God is not before their eyes. And we know
that whatever the law says for these things, who speaks in the law,
so that the whole mouth is fenced and the whole world becomes

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liable to God for legal trial. Because out of the works of the law all
flesh is not made righteous with their face to face, for through the
law [there is] knowledge of sin.
And now without the law the righteousness of God has appeared
as a witness by the law and by the prophets, and the righteousness
of God through faith in Jesus Christ in all those who are holding
faith. For there is no difference: for all sinned and are lacking of the
belief of God, making righteous a gift by His favor through the
ransom of Jesus Christ Whom God set before the mercy seat
through the faith in His blood into the exposition of His
righteousness through the dismissal of the pre-existing sin in the
delaying of God at the exposition of His righteousness at the right
time into that to be the righteousness itself and that making
righteous out of the faith of Jesus.
Where then is the boasting? It is excluded. Through some kind of
law? Or of works? Not but through the law of faith. We argue
therefore to make mankind righteous by faith without works of law.
Or did God [save] the Jews alone? Or also all nations? Yes also the
nations, even if God is one who will make righteous the

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circumcision out of faith and the uncircumcision through the faith.

Thus do we demolish the law by faith? May it not come about! But
we stand [upon] the law.
What then will we say to have found the children of Abraham
according to our flesh? For if Abraham was made righteous from
works, then he boasts, but no toward God. For what does the
scripture say? And Abraham believed on God and it was argued to
him into righteousness. And the wages for the worker is argued not
according to favor but according to debt, and to the worker who
believes [that his] righteousness [is] unrighteousness, his faith is
argued into righteousness. Just as David also said the blessing of
men to whom God argued righteousness without works. Blessed
[are] of whom the lawless actions are remitted and of whom the
sins are covered up. Blessed [is the] man of whom the Lord does
consider his sins.

[Is] this blessing then upon the circumcision or also the

uncircumcision? For we say, The faith of Abraham is considered

into righteousness. How then is it considered? In being
circumcision or in being uncircumcision? Not in circumcision but in

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uncircumcision. And he accepted a mark of circumcision as a signet

of the righteousness of faith in uncircumcision, into being the father
of all who are believing through uncircumcision into the being
considered righteous also for them and [into being] the father of
circumcision not out of circumcision alone but also for those in line
[with their] feet of [being] in the uncircumcision, [those who believe]
of the faith of Abraham the father of us all.
For not through the law is the promise for Abraham or for the
sperm of him, the sperm to be of the world, but through
righteousness of faith. For if the heirs [are heirs] from the law, [then]
the faith has been emptied out and the promise has been left idle.
For the law works anger. And where the law is not, neither is there
deviation. Because of this, from faith, so that according to grace,
into the firm promise for all the seed, not for that out of the law
alone but also for that out of the faith of Abraham, who is the father
of us all, just as it is written that I have made you the father of many
nations , opposite of whom he believed of God the one who makes
the dead alive and calls those not being as being. Who by hope
upon hope believed into the creating that father of many nations

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according to what is said, thus the seed of you will be, and he did
not weaken in faith [because] he did not consider his body to be
dead, when he was 100 years old, nor [did he consider] the
deadness of Sarah. And he was not set apart into the promise of
God for unbelief but was strengthened in faith, giving consent to
God, and being satisfied that that who promised is also strong
[enough] to do it. Because of this it was considered to him as
righteousness.
And it is not written through him alone that it is considered to him
but also through us, to whom it will be considered, we who believe
upon the awakening of our Lord Jesus out of the dead, Jesus who
was handed over through our falling and awoke through his
righteousness.
Having been made righteous by faith, we have peace toward
God through our Lord Jesus Christ through whom also the we have
access by faith in the grace in which we stand and boast upon the
hope of the glory of God. And not only that but also we boast in
afflictions, knowing that the affliction works endurance, and the
endurance [works] proven morality, and proven morality [works]

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hope. And the hope does not dishonor because the love of God has
poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit which is given to
us.
For yet Christ, while we were weak, died according to the right
time for the impious. For by righteousness one has died utterly. For
a good [man], perhaps also one would endure to die. And God
bring together his love onto us so that Christ died for our sins. Thus
instead now having been made very righteous in his blood, we are
saved through him away from his anger. For if we are reconciled
while being enemies to God through the death of his son, rather by
much we are saved having been reconciled in his life. And not only
that, but also we are proclaiming loudly in God through our Lord
Jesus Christ through whom now we take reconciliation.
Because of this, just as through one man the sin, and the death
through that sin, came into the world and thus into all mankind the
death came through, upon whom all sinned. For the sin was utterly
of the law in the world, and the sin did not impute of being law, but
death ruled from Adam to Moses and upon the sinners who did not
sin in the same way as Adam who is a type of the future.

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 And the grace is not like the falling. For if in the falling of one,
many died, rather in many the grace of God and the gift in grace in
that of one man Jesus Christ overflows into many. And the gift is not
as through one sinner. For the judgment out of one [sin brought]
into great judgment, just like the grace for the many of the fallen
[brought them] into the righteousness. For if in the falling of one,
death reigned through the one, rather for the many who accept the
abundance of the favor and of the gift of righteousness, rule in life
through the one Jesus Christ.
Thus as through one who fell did all men [come] into great
judgment, thus also through one righteous man did all mankind
[come] into righteousness of life. For just as through the
disobedience of the one man did the many [become] sinners, thus
also through the obedience of the one did the many [become]
righteous. And the law came so that the falling would increase, of
which the sin would grow, and the grace would greatly overflow, so
that just as sin reigned in death, thus also grace reigns through
righteousness into life everlasting through Jesus Christ our Lord.

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 What then will we say? Shall we remain in sin so that grace may
abound? May it not happen! If we die to sin, how yes will we live in
it? Or if you do not know it so that we are baptized into Christ
Jesus, are we baptized into His death? Thus we are buried together
with him through baptism into death so that just as Christ was
gathered out of the dead through the glory of the Father, thus also
we may walk in new life. For we who have been planted together
cry out in the same way of His dead, but also we will be of the
risen. Knowing that our old man was crucified so that the body of
sin is destroyed, the body which no longer enslaves us to sin. For
the dying has been made righteous [being pulled] away from sin.
And if we die together with Christ, then we believe that we also
live with him, seeing that Christ, who has been gathered out of the
dead, no longer dies; His death no longer dominates. For who died,
he died to sin once [and for all]. And who live, he lives to God. Thus
also we are arguesd to be dead to sin as we live to God in Christ.
Thus may sin not reign in our dead body so that we listen to His
will, and neither may you exhibit your members as weapons of
unrighteousness for sin, but show yourselves to God just as if you

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live out of the dead and your members as weapons of

righteousness for God. For your sin will not dominate. For you are
not under the law but under [God's] favor.
What then? Will we sin so that we will not be under law but under
[God's] favor? May it not happen! Do you not know that for whom
you show yourselves as slaves into obedience, you are slaves to
whom you listen, whether you are slaves into death or slaves of
obedience into righteousness? And grace to God that you may be
slaves of sin and may listen out of your heart into that type of
doctrine in which you are surrendered, and being free from the sin
you are enlaved to righteousness.
I speak about mankind through the weakness of your flesh. For
just as you shoed your members as slaves for dirtiness and for
lawlessness into anominalism, thus now you showed your
members as slaves for righteousness into piety. For when you were
slaves of sin, you were free from justice. What fruit then you were
thus having? Upon which you are now ashamed, hence the
completion of the death of that [fruit]. And now you are free from the
sin, and [while] being enslaved to God, you have your fruit into

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piety, and the completion of eternal life. For the wages of sin is
death, and the favor of God is eternal life in Jesus the anointed who
is our Lord.
Or do you not know, brothers, for I say that they know the law,
that the law dominates mankind in his lifetime? For the woman has
been bound under the man, and the man lives bound under the law.
And if the man dies, she is gathered [away] from the law of the
man. Thus she is called an adulterer of a living man if she knows
another man. And thus, my brothers, you all also died to the law
through the body of Christ, so that you may know another who is
gathered out of the dead so that we may produce fruit for God. For
when we [are] in the flesh, the passions of sins are gathered in
through the law in our members so that they bear fruit for death.
And now we are gathered away from the law haing died in that
which we were holding so that we are enslaved in a new breath and
not the old of that which is written.
What then will we say? Is the law sin? May it never happen! But I
did not know sin if not through the law. For also I did not know the
desire if the law did not say, You do not desire. And sin takes a

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starting place through the command and worked all desire in me.
For without law sin is dead. And I at one time lived without law, but
the sin lived again while the command was coming, and I died
[while] the command was found for me, the command which brings
life and death. For the sin, taking a starting place through the law,
decieved me and killed [me] through it. Thus the law is holy and the
command is holy and righteous and good. Does the good for me
then become death? May it never happen! But the si, so that sin
may appear, is working death through the good for me so that the
sin may happen according to an excess of a sinner through the
command.
For we know that the law is spiritual, and I am fleshly [while]
having been sold [being] under the sin. For that which I work I do
not know. For that which I do not will, that I do, but that which I
hate, this I do. And if that which I do not will, this do I do, then I
speak together for the law that [this law is] beautiful. And now I
know longer work that but the sin [works it], the sin that lives in me.
For I know that the good does not live in me in my flesh. For the
willingness lies near me, and it does not work the beautiful. For that

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which I do not will, [that I may] do good, but that which I do not will,
[so that] I am practicing the bad. And if that which I do not will [so
that] I do that, no longer I am working it but the sin which is living in
me. Therefore I find the law for the will [so that I may] do the
beautiful for me, so that the bad may lie near me. For I delight in
the law of God according to the man within, and I see another law
in my members fighting back the law of my mind and capturing me
in the law of sin in that which is being in my members. Mankind is
miserable. What will release me out of the body of this death?
[Nothing] but favor for God through Jesus Chrst our Lord. Thus do I
myself serve both the law of God in mind and the law of sin in the
flesh.
Thus nothing now is harsh judgment for those who are in Christ.
For the law of the Breath of life in Christ frees you away from the
law of sin and of death. Thus that which was impossible of the law,
in which it was being weak through the flesh, God sent his son in
the same way of flesh of sin, and judged harshly the sin in the flesh
concerning sin, so that the righteousness of the law is filled in you
for those who do not walk not according to flesh but according to

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the Breath [of life]. For those who are according to flesh have a
mind of the flesh, and those according to the breath [of life] are of
the Spirit. For the mind of the flesh is death, and the mind of the
Breath is life and peace. Since wisdom of the flesh is an enemy into
God, for that wisdom is not subject in the law of God, for this is not
possible. And those in the flesh are not able to please God.
And you all are not in the flesh but in the Breath [of life], if yet the
Breath of God lives in you. And if one does not have the breath of
Christ, he is not of Him. And if Christ is in you, the body is dead
through sin and the Breath is alive through righteousness. And what
if His Breath, Him Who raised Jesus from the dead, lives in you al,
then he will make your dying body alive through the inhabitation of
His Spirit in you all.
Therefore, brothers, we are debtors not in the flesh as according
to the flesh we live, for if you live according to the flesh, you will die.
And if you kill the works of the flesh by the Breath [of life], you will
live. For whoever is lead by the Breath [of life] is of God, and they
are sons of God. For you do not take the Breath of servitude into
fear as in the old days but you take the Breath which places you as

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sons in which we cry, "Abbot and Father!" That Breath witnesses

together in our Breath that we are the offspring of God. And if
children, also heirs. And if heirs of God, we together are heirs of the
Anointed One, if yet we suffer together so that also we will be
glorified together. For I reason that the sufferings are not of value of
the current time at the coming glory which is to be revealed into us.
For the earnest expectation of creation expects the revelation of
the Son of God. For in vanity is the creation subject into hope, not
by choice but through subjection, so that also the creation itself will
be freed from slavery of corruption into liberty of the glory of the
children of God. For we know that all creation groans and shares in
agony until now. And not only this, but also they are holding the
beginnings of the Breath, and we also, in themselves groaning and
expecting the adoption as sons, the redemption of our body. For we
were saved by hope. But hope which sees is not hope. For does
the one who sees hopes? And if that which we do not see, we
hope, we expect through suffering.
And likewise also does the Spirit, [that is, the Breath,] help our
weakness. For that which we pray, just as is necessary, we know,

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but [this] Spirit itself interrupts the indescribable groaning. But the
Spirit searches the heart knows what the Spirit desires, that He
asks for piety according to God.
We know that all things work with God into a good thing for those
who love, for those who are called chosen. That they whom He
knew and marked prior are with the form of the image of His Son,
Who is that first-born One among many brothers. And whom He
pre-marked, these also He called. And whom He called, these also
he made righteous. And whom He made righteous, these also he
gave belief, [that is, whom He glorified].
What then will we say about this? If God is over us, who can be
under us? He Who did not spare his own son but gave him for us,
how does He not favor all of us with Him? Who will accuse against
the chose of God? God is righteous. Who will be judged harshly?
Jesus the Anointed Who died, but instead Who was revived, Who
also is in the right hand of God, Who also interrupts for us. Who will
separate us from the care of God? [Neither] tribulation nor anguish
nor persecution nor famine nor poverty nor troubles nor a sword.

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Just as it is written, Because of you, we are killed the whole day. we

argue that we are sheep of murder.
But in all this we over-conquer through the One Who cared for
us. For I am certain that neither death nor life nor messengers nor
rulers nor urgency nor the coming things nor armies nor height nor
depth nor any other created thing is able to separate us from the
care of God in Christ our Lord.
I speak the truth in Christ, I do not lie, a testimony to me of my
consciousness in the Holy Spirit, that a sadness is great and
constant to me in my heart. For I wish my self to be anathema from
Christ on behalf of my brothers who are born with my according to
the flesh, of whom they are the Israelites, of the adoption and the
belief and the evidences and the legislation and the cult and the
promises, of which the fathers [are] also, out of whom [is] Christ
according to the flesh, who is God the blessed [one] upon all into
eternity. Amen.
And the word of God will not have fallen from such. For all are
not those out of Israel such that are Israel. Nor that the sperm of
Abraham is all the children, but in Isaac he will be called your

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sperm. Those are not the offspring of the flesh who are the
offspring of God but the offspring of the promise are argued into
being perm. For this statement is of the promise: According to that
time, I will come, and there will be a son for Sarra.
Not only this, but also Rebecca has one outside of a concubine,
Isaac of our father. For not yet was [Isaac] born nor doing what is
good or evil, so that the proposition waits according to the choice of
God, not out of works but out of calling, it is said to him that, The
greater will serve the lessor, just as it is written, I loved Jacob, but
Esau I hated.
What then will we say? Is not unrighteousness near God? May it
not come about! For he said to Mouses, I will pity whom I am able
to pity, and I will have compassion on whom I am able to have
compassion. Thus God is neither willing nor running, but he has
mercy. For the writing says for Pharaoh that, I stirred you into that,
so that I may show my power in you and so that my name would by
announced on the whole earth. Thus whom he wills, he has mercy,
and whom he wills, he hardens.

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 You will therefore say, Who then complains? For who resisted
His will? O mankind, who indeed are you who responds to God? No
one will say you are the imitation for the One who formed you.
What did you not make then? Or does the potter hold authority of
the clay out of his lump to have made what vessel into the honor,
and the vessel into dishonor?
And if God wills to reveal the anger and the mark [to show] his
power, he supports a vessel with the capacity in all suffering into
ruin, and so that he may show the richness of His glory in a vessel
of compassion, which he prepared into glory? Whom also he called
us not only out of the Jews but also out of the nations, so that also
He says in Hosea, I will not call My people My people and I will not
love whom I love. And it will be in the place where it I said, You are
not My people, there they will be called sons of the living God.
And Isaias cried for Israel, If the number of the sons of Israel may
be as the sands of the sea, they will be saved who are left behind.
For the Lord will make his full and cutting word upon the earth.

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 And likewise Isaias predicted, If not the Lord Sabaoth would

leave the sperm to you, just as we may become Sodoma and be
like Gomorra.
What then will we say? That the nations who do not pursue
righteousness but overtake it, and righteousness [is] from faith, and
Israel truly pursue the law of righteousness into the law but arrives
at it. How? That not our of faith but just as out of works. They
offended in the stone of the offense, just as it is written, Behold, I
have placed in Sion a stone of offense and a rock of scandal, and
who is believing upon him, he will not be shamed.
Brothers, the will of my heart also is at the supplication toward
God by those into salvation. For I witness for them that they have
the jealousy of God but not according to knowledge. For those who
do not know the righteousness of God also seek to establish their
own righteousness, they being not subject to the righteousness of
God. For the completion of the law is Christ into righteousness for
all who are believing.
For Mouses writes that the righteousness out of the law that, The
man who made these will live in you. And the righteousness out of

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faith thus says, You will not say in your heart: who will step up into
the heaven? It is to lead away Christ. But, "Who steps down into
the abyss? It is to recall Christ out of the dead. But who says, Near
you is the word, in your mouth and in your heart, that is the word of
faith which we preach. That if you acknowledge in your mouth
Christ to be Lord and if you believe in your heart that God led him
out of the dead, you will be saved. For it is believed by heart into
righteousness, and it is acknowledged by mouth into salvation. For
the writing says, All who are believing upon him will not be utterly
ashamed. There is no difference of both Jew and Greek, for the
Lord is the same of all, [He is] the wealth into all those calling upon
Him. For all who will call the name of the Lord will be saved.
How then will they call into Whom they did not believe? And how
will they believe Whom they did not hear? And how will they hear
without a preacher? And how will they preach if they do not
missionize? Just as it has been written, How beautiful are the feet
that bring good news of good things. But not all will listen to the
messenger. For Esaias says, Lord, who believes our [message]?
Indeed the faith [is] out of the hearing, and the hearing through the

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message of Christ. But I say, did not all hear? But rather, Into all the
word the sound went out and the message into the ends of the
country. But I say, did Israel never know? First Mouses says, I will
lead you all to jealousy through the upon those who are not [to be]
nations, through the senseless nations will I call you all toward
anger. And Isaias hears and says, I am found in those who do not
seek me, openly I appeared to them, who were not asking for me.
He says toward Israel, The whole day did I expand my hands
toward the people who are not believing and are speaking against
[me].
I say therefore, does God not drive off His people? May it not be!
For also I am an Israelite, out of the sperm of Abraham, of the tribe
of Benjamin. God does not drive off His people whom he foreknew.
Or do you not know what the scripture says in Elias, that
whosoever interrupts God is against Israel. Lord, they killed your
prophets, they overturned your altars, and I alone am left, and they
seek my soul. But what did the response say to him? I left to myself
seven thousand males, who have not bent their knees to Baal.
Thus also in the present time, a remnant is made by favor

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according to the chosen. And if by favor, no longer by works, when

the favor no longer becomes favor.
What then? What Israel seeks, this they do not attain, but the
chose do. And the others are petrified, just as it has been written,
During our days, God gave them a breath of sleep, eyes so they o
not see, and ears so they do not hear. And David says, May their
table become a trap, a hunt, a scandal, and a retribution to them.
Their eyes become dark so that they will not see and their back are
always bent. I say therefore, do they not trip so that they fall? May it
not be! But the salvation is for the falling of the nations to make
them jealous. And if their stumbling of the wealth of the world and
the discomfort of the wealth of the nations, how much more the
plenty of them!
I say to you nations, Upon whomever I am of an apostle of the
nations, and I give glory to the service, if how I will provoke to
jealousy my flesh and if I will save some out of them. For if their
loss is an exchange of the world, [is it] some acquisition if not the
life out of the dead? And if the first sacrifice is holy, then also is the
bread dough. And if the root is holy, then also branches. And if

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some of the branches are broken, then you also are of a wild olive
and are stimulated in them and you become in common with the
root of the fatness of the olive tree, then you do not boast against
the branches. And if you do boast, then you carry off against the
root but you are the root. Thus you say, The branches are broken
so that I will be grafted in. Well spoken. For by unbelief they are
broken, and you stand by faith. The high do not think but fear. For if
God does not set upon the branches by nature, how then perhaps
does neither it spare you.
See then God's uprightness and severity: on one hand, the
severity upon those having fallen, and on the other hand, the
uprightness of God upon you, if you remain upon his uprightness,
else you will be cut off. But those, if they do not remain in unbelief,
will be grafted in. For God is able to graft them back. For if you are
cut out of a wild olive tree according to nature and are insert into
the olive against nature, how much more instead are they, being
(olives) according to nature, to be inserted back into their own olive.
For I do not wish to be ignorant, brothers, of this mystery, so that
you are not wise to yourselves, that the hardness from the part of

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Israel has come about until the fullness of the nations are come in
and thus all Ariel will be saved, just as it has been written, The one
who snatches will come out of Sion. He will turn away the
irreverence from Jacob. And the testament itself, which is from me,
[will be with] them. When I will carry away their sins.
On one hand, they are enemies through us according to the
gospel, and on the other hand, thy are the beloved through the
fathers according to the chosen. For without repentance, they are
the favors and the calling of God. For just as when you all did not
believe in God, but now you are given mercy to your disobedience,
thus also they now are disobedient to your mercy, so that also they
may be given mercy at this time. For God closed them all into
disobedience, so that he would pity all.
O depth of wealth and wisdom and knowledge of God! How
incomprehensible are His judgments and unsearchable are His
paths. For [it is written], Who knows the mind of God? Or who has
became a symbol of Him? Or who gave before Him, and will pay
back to Him? That all [are] out of Him and through Him and into
Him. The consent of belief is for him into the ages, amen.

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 Thus I ask you, brothers, through the mercy of God, to present

your bodies as living sacrifices which are holy and God-pleasing,
the kind of worship for your that makes sense. And do not be
conformed to this age, but change your mind for renewal into you
all testing the will of God, which is good, well pleasing, and
complete.
I say then through the favor which is given to me and to all of
you, to not think oneself higher than one ought but to think into
prudence, to each one as God distributed a measure of faith. For
just as in one body we hold all members, and all the members do
not hold the same work, thus the many of us who are in the body of
Christ, and that [body has] members according to one another. And
having different graces according to the favor is given to us, if
whether prophecy, according to the rational of faith, if

the

diaconate, then in that service, if in teaching, then in doctrine, if in

counseling, then in counseling. Whoever gives, do so in simplicity.
Whoever leads, in anxiety. Whoever has mercy, in cheerfulness.
The love is without pretense. Hating evil, gluing to the good,
being affectionate to the brotherhood into one another, guiding one

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another in honor, bold not timid, boiling with faith, serving God,
greeting [one another] with hope, enduring in pressure, persisting in
prayer, holding in common the necessities with the holy people,
quick to love strangers. Bless the quick among you, bless and do
not curse! To rejoice with the rejoicing, to weep with the weeping.
Thinking each to be [better] than the others, not thinking
[yourselves to be] higher or wiser but being in the same mind in
humility. Do not be wise beside yourself.
No one returns evil against evil, thinking good things face to face
of all mankind. If able out of you all, with all men live in peace. Do
not punish each other, beloved, but give a place to anger, for it is
written, Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord. But, If your
enemy [is in] hunger, then feed him. If in thirst, give him a drink. For
doing this, you will heap hot charcoal upon his head. I do not
conquer by evil but He conquers the bad in the good.
The whole soul may be put into submission by a higher power.
For it is not power if it is not from God, and those souls are by God
which have been put into order. Thus the one resisting the orderly
command is against the authority of God, and they who resist him

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acquire judgment. For those ruling are not of fear for the good work
but of bad. And the will does not fear the authority. Do the good,
and you will have praise from it. For the servant of God is to you
into the good, and if you do the bad, then fear. For you do not carry
the dagger heedlessly. for the servant of god is lawless into the
anger in the working the bad. Therefore it is necessary to be
subdued, not only through the anger but also through the
conscience. For through that also do you complete the bearing. For
the ministers of God are eager [on account of] that. Give up the
debts of all: to whom bearance is bearance, to whom fulfillment is
fulfillment, to whom fear is fear, to whom honor is honor.
Be debtors of no one if not to love one another. For the one who
loves the other has fulfilled the law. For, you will not adulterate, you
will not murder, you will not steal, you will not desire, and if there is
some other command, put it back into your head in the word. You
will love your neighbor as yourself. The love to the neighbor does
not work bad. Thus love is the fullness of the law.
And seeing that season, that the hour [is now] to raise you out of
sleep, for now salvation is closer to us than when we believed. The

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night stops, and the day has come. May we put away then the
works of the darkness, and go into the weapons of the light. As we
walk in the day with dignity, not in revelry, drunkenness,
homosexuality, fornication, arguments, or rivalry, but dress oneself
in the Lord Jesus Christ and do not do the foreknowledge of the
flesh into desire.
Also take up the weak in the faith, not in judgment of argument.
On one hand, the one believes to [eat] all things, and, on the other
hand, [the other] is weak and eats the vegetables [only]. May he
who eats not spurn the eater. And who does not eat, may he not
judge the eater, for God takes up them both. Are you one who
judges a foreign servant? By his own masters does he stand or fall.
And he will stand, for the Master is able to support him. For one
judges one day to another, and another judges all day. May each in
his own mind carry to the fullness. The one who thinks about the
Master is wise. And who eats the Master eats, for he takes the
Eucharist of God. For no one of us lives to himself, and no one dies
to himself. For if we live, we live to the Master. And if we die, we die
to the Master. Thus whether we live or die, we are of the Master.

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For Christ died into this and lived so that He may be Master of the
dead and the living.
But why do you judge your brother? And why do spurn your
brother? For all will stand before the tribunal of Go, for it has been
written, I live, says the Lord, so that every knee will bow and every
tongue will confess to God. Thus each of us will give to God
according to his argument.
Thus no longer may we judge one another. But judge rather that
which places your brother in scandal or stumbling. I know and have
been persuaded in the Master Jesus that nothing common through
him, if not for the reasoning of what is common, is common for that.
For if through food does your brother grieve, no longer do you walk
according to love. Do not kill that of yours, for whom Christ died, by
food. Thus may he not profane your good [person]. For the reign of
God is not beat and drink but righteousness and peace and joy in
the Holy Spirit. For who in this serves Christ is pleasing to God and
acceptable to men. Thus we drive on those things of the peace and
the building of each other. Do not destroy the work of God on
account of food. All are clean, but [it is] bad to cause a man to

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stumble through eating. [It is] beautiful to not eat meat nor to drink
wine nor [anything] in which your brother takes striking. You have a
faith which you hold according to yourself facing God. Blessed is he
who does not judge himself in what he tests. And the one who
judges through [this], if he is judged harshly by what he may eat [at
that time], because that [is] not out of faith. And all which is not out
of faith is sin.
We who are able ought to lift up the weaknesses of the ones who
are not able and to not please ourselves. May each of us please
the neighbor into the good thing [like building] a house. For Christ
did not please himself, but just as it has been written, The insults of
those insulting had fallen to you [because of] me. For as great as
those things written beforehand, [the writer] wrote our teaching so
that through the endurance and the consolation of the writings we
may have the hope. And God gave us that [instrument] of the
endurance and consolation to think in each other according to
Christ Jesus, so that you would glorify God in one mouth and glorify
the father of our Lord Jesus Christ.

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Because the accepting of each other, just as also Christ

accepted you all into the belief of God. For I say that Christ has
become righteous of circumcision because of the truth of God, into
the strengthening of the promises of the fathers, and the nations
because of the mercy to glorify God, just as it is written, Because of
that I will confess you among the nations and I will sing your name.
And again it says, "Be glad, nations, with your people, and again,
Praise the Lord, all the nations, and may all the people commend
Him publicly. And again Isaias says, The root will be of Jesse and
the standing up will be to rule the nation. Upon Him the nations will
hope. And God of hope will fill you all with joy and peace in the
believing and abounding in hope in the power of the Holy Breath.
And I have been persuaded, my brothers, concerning you all that
you may be full of goodness, having been filled with all knowledge,
being able to remember each other. And I wrote to you the more
heartiness from the part as leading you back into memory through
the grace given to me by God so that I may be the liturgy of Jesus
Christ into the nations, that I may be the sacramental work for the
gospel of God so that it may become the acceptable offering of the

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nations, having been made holy in the Holy Spirit. Thus I have the
boasting in Christ Jesus of the things toward God. For I will not
dare to speak of another of whom Christ has not worked through
me into the obedience of the nations, by argument and by work, in
the power of the signs and wonders, in the power of the Breath of
God. Just as from Jerusalem and around the circle of Illyrikon I
have fulfilled the gospel of Christ, and thus I have lovingly strived to
proclaim the good news where Christ has not yet been called so
that I may not build upon another foundation, but just as it has been
written, To whom it is not announced concerning that, they will see,
and, who has not heard, they will understand.
Therefore I was hindering the many things to come to you all.
And now no longer the place in those mountains, I have had desire
to come to you for many years, just as I go into Spania. For while
passing through, I hope to see you and to be [helped] there by you
all if at first I may be filled from your portion.
And now I travel into Jerusalem for the holy ones of the
diaconate. For Macedonia and Akhaia were well pleased to make
some partnership for the poor of the holy ones in Jerusalem. For

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they were pleased and were debtors of them. For if the nations
shared in their spiritual things, then they ought also to hold liturgy in
the fleshly things. Thus finishing this and closing the fruit to them, I
will depart through you all into Spania. And I know that when I come
to you, I will come in abundance of the blessings of Christ.
And I call upon you all, brothers, through the Lord of us, Jesus
Christ, and through the love of the Breath to contested with me
together in the prayer toward God concerning me so that I may be
rescued from the disobedient Jews and so that my ministry may
become acceptable into Jerusalem for the holy so that in the joy of
the nations, I may rest with you through will of God. But may the
God of peace [be] with everyone of you. Amen.
I commend to you Phoebe our sister, who is a deacon of the
church in Kenkhrea so that you may accept her in the Lord in a way
worthy of the holy ones and so that you may help her in that deed
which she may lack. For she has become a guardian of many and
of me.
Greet Prisca and Aquilla my fellow workers in Christ jesus, who
placed their necks over my soul, for whom I, and not only me, am

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grateful, and also so are all the church of the nations, and also [I
am grateful for] their house church. Greet Pepaientos my beloved
who is the first of the Asians in Christ. Greet maria who grew weary
from working into you all. Greet Andronikos and Jounia my friends
and co-captives who are famous among the missionaries and who
are before me in Christ. Greet Ourbanos our co-worker inChrist.
Greet Stakhus my beloved. Greet Apelle the approved one in
Christ. Greet those out of the Aristoboulos. Greet Heroidiona my
friend. Greet them who are out of Narkissos who are in the Lord.
Greet Tryphaina and Tryphosa who grew weary from work in the
Lord. Greet Persida my beloved who worked and grew weary from
many things in the Lord. Greet Rhouphos the chosen in the Lord
and his and my mother. Greet Asynkritos, Phlegon, Hermhs,
Patroba, Herma, and those with the brothers. Greet Philologos,
Joulia, Nerea, her brother, Olympas, and all the holy with them.
Greet each other in love for the holy. All the Church of Christ greets
you.
And I ask you, brothers, to look at the dissension and the trap
near the teaching which you learned. Avoid them. For they do not

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serve our Lord the Anointed but their own intestines, and through
sweet words and blessings they lead away the hearts of the pure.
For your obedience comes through into all. Thus I rejoice upon
you. And I wish you all to be wise into the good thing and unmixed
into the bad. And the God of peace will quickly destroy Satan under
your feet. May the favor of our Lord Jesus be with you.
Timotheos greets you all. He is my fellow worker. Luk, Jason,
and Sosipatros are also. I greet you all. Tertios wrote the letter in
the Lord. Gaios my foreigner greets you all. He is also of all the
churches. Erastos the ruler of the city and Kouartos the brother
greets you all.
And to whom who is able to save you all according to my gospel
and the message of Jesus Christ, according to the revelation of the
mystery of eternal and silent time which was made manifest now
through the prophetic writings according to the command of the age
of God into obedience of faith having been made known into all the
nations, for the only wise God, through Jesus Christ, to whom the
belief is into the ages, Amen.

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1 Corinthians

Paul called an apostle of Christ Jesus through the will of God,

and brother Sosthenes, to the church of God in Corinthios which
has been made holy in Christ Jesus, called holy with all those who
call upon the name of the Lord Jesus Christ in all places, bother
theirs and ours: Favor and peace to you all from God the Father of
us and the Lord Jesus the Anointed.
I give thanks to my God always concerning you all upon the favor
of God which is given to you all in Christ Jesus, because in all
things you have been made wealthy in Him, in that argument and in
all knowledge, just as the witness of the Anointed One is confirmed
in you all, in as much as you all have not been short in any gift,
expecting the apocalypse of our Lord Jesus the Anointed, Who also
will confirm you all until you are complete and blameless in the day
of the our Lord Jesus Christ. God is faithful, through Whom you
have been called into the communion of his Son Jesus the
Anointed Who is our Lord.

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 And I ask you all, brothers, through the name of our Lord Jesus
Christ, so that you all may speak [together as one] and not be in
schism amongst yourselves, and may you be adjusted in the same
heart and in the same opinion. For it has been made clear to me
concerning you, my brothers, by Chloes that there is chaos
amongst you all. And I speak this that each of you says, I am of
Paul, but I am of Apollos, and I am of Peter, and I am of Christ. The
Anointed done is divided [because of you all]. Paul was not
crucified for you all, nor into the name of Paul you have been
baptized. I thank God that I did not baptize any of you, except
Crispus and Gaius, so that one may not say that you are baptized
into my name. And I also baptized Stephan at the house, I do not
know of the others whomever else I baptized. For Christ did not
send me to baptize but to evangelize, not in skill of words, so that
the cross of Christ would not be empty.
For the argument of the cross for the perishing is foolishness, but
for those being saved it is the power of God. For it has been
written, I will destroy the skill of the skilled and annihilate the
wisdom of the wise. Where is the wise? Where is the writer? Where

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is the examiner of this age? Has not God made stupid the wisdom
of the world? For when in the wisdom of God the world did not
know God through [its] wisdom, it was pleasing to God through the
stupidity of the the preacher to save the faithful. And when the Jews
seek a sign and the Greeks seek wisdom, we preach Christ
crucified which is a scandal for the Jews and stupidity for the
nations, and for the called, to the Jews and the Greeks, Christ as
the power and wisdom of God, because the stupidity of God is
wiser than that of men and the weakness of God is stronger than
that of men.

Look at your vocation, brothers, that not many are wise

according to the flesh, nor many powerful, nor many noble-born.

But the stupidity of the world God has chosen so that he may
dishonor the wise, and the weakness of the word God has chosen
so that he may dishonor the strong, and the lowly-born of the world
and the contemptible God has chosen, those who are not, so that
those who are God may undo so that all flesh may not boast before
the ace of God. And out of such you all are in Christ Jesus, who
was made wisdom to us all from God, wisdom which is justice,

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sanctification, and redemption, as what has been written, Who

boasts boasts, may he boast in the Lord.
And I, when I had come to you all, brothers, I came not through
superiority of argument or wisdom but preaching the mystery of
God to you all. For I did not judge to know something among you if
not Christ Jesus and Him crucified. And I came about toward you all
in much weakness, fear, and trembling, and my argument and
message was not of wisdom in persuadable words but in exposition
of inner self and power so that your faith may not be in wisdom of
men but in power of God.
And we spoke wisdom in the fullness, and wisdom not of this age
nor of the first age which was made into nothing, but we speak the
apocryphal wisdom of God in a mystery, the wisdom which God
predestined before the ages into our belief, which no one of the
beginning age knew. For is they knew it, they would not have
crucified the Lord of belief. But as it has been written, Who the eye
does not know and what [the ears] do not hear and what does not
ascend upon the heart of men, what God prepared for those who
love Him. But God revealed to us through the inner self. For the

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inner self probes all things, and it is the depth of God. For who of
men knows the things of man if not the inner self of man in him?
Thus also no one knew the things of God if not the Inner Self of
God. And we do not take the inner self of the world but the inner
self out of God, so that we may know the kindness of God to us,
which also we speak not in the taught argument of human wisdom
but in the teaching of the Spirit, judging the spiritual things by the
Spirit. And the soulful man does not take the things of the Inner Self
of God. For stupidity is for Him and is not able to know, that
spiritually it is judged upwardly. And the spiritual judges upwardly all
things, and the same judges upwardly by no one. For, Does one
knew the mind of the Lord, Who may instruct him? We however
have the mind of Christ.
And I, brothers, was not able to speak to you all as spiritually but
fleshly as to youths in Christ. I gave a drink of milk to you all, not
food. For not yet you were strong enough. But neither yet now you
are able, for you are yet of the flesh. For since jealousy and chaos
is amongst you all, are you not fleshly and walk according to
mankind? For when one speaks, I am of Paul, and another, I am of

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Apollos, are you not men? Thus who is Apollos? And who is Paul?
Being ministers through whom you trusted, and to each as the Lord
gave. I planted, Apollos watered, but God gave the growth. Thus
neither is the planting something nor the watering but God
increasing. And the planting and increasing are one, and each
accepts the his own pay according to his own labor. For we are coworkers of God. You are God's field and building.
According to the favor of God, which is given to me, as I placed
the foundation being a skilled architect. And another built over it.
And each may see how he built. For no one is able to place another
foundation over that laid, which is Jesus Christ. And if one builds
over upon a foundation gold, silver, precious stones, firewood, hat,
straw, of each the work will be manifested, for the day will make
clear, that in fire it will be revealed. And of each what sort of work is
the fire will test. If the work of one remains which he built, he will
receive pay. If the work of one is burned, he will endure loss, and
the same will be saved, and thus as through fire. But do you knot
know that you are the temple of God and that the Inner Self of God

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lives in you? If one overturns the temple of God, does God overturn
him? For the temple o God is holy, which you are.
No one leads you away. If any is seen to be wise among you in
this age, he may become stupid, so that he may be wise. For the
wisdom of this world is stupidity beside God. For it has been
written, Who seizes the wise in all their works. And again, The Lord
knows the thoughts of the wise that they are empty. Thus no one
may boast in men. For all things are yours, whether Paul or Apollos
or Peter or the world or life or death or the present or the future. All
things are yours, and you are Christ's, and Christ is God's.
Thus a man may think us as ministers of Christ and a housemanager of the mysteries of God. Thus he will seek the remainder
among the house-rulers, so that a faithful one will be found. And it
is to me into the least, so that I will be judged upwardly by you all or
by a human day. But neither do I judge upwardly myself. For I am
conscious of nothing to myself, but not in that have I been made
righteous, and the one judging me upwardly is the Lord. Thus not
before the time o you judge anything until the Lord comes, Who

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also enlightens the hidden of the darkness and makes manifest the
will of the hearts. And then the praise will be to each from God.
And these, brothers, I transfigured into myself and Apollos
through you all, so that you would learn in us that you may not be
above that which is written, so that you may not be enlarged by air
by one according the other. For one judges through you. And you
hold something which you have not taken. Already you have been
filled, already you have been enriched, without us you reigned. And
indeed I owed the you should reign, so that also we may reign with
you. For I think, God reveals us to be the most recent missionaries
just as if dedicated for death, I think that we become a spectacle for
the world both for angels and for men. We are fools through Christ,
and you all are prudent in Christ. We are weak, and you are strong.
You are glorious, and we are without honor. Just until that hour we
hunger, thirst, are naked, are slapped, are restless, are tired [while]
working with our own hands. We bless when cursed. We endure
when persecuted. We encourage when slandered. As we have
become the dregs of the world, the wiped-off even until now.

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 I do not write to confuse you with these things, but so that I may
advise you just as dearest children. For though you may have
countless teachers in Christ, you do not have not many fathers. For
I have begotten you all in Christ Jesus through the gospel. Thus I
encourage you all. May you be my imitators. Because of that I sent
you Timotheos, who is my beloved child and faithful one in the
Lord, who will remind you all of my ways in Christ Jesus, just as I
taught everywhere in the whole of the Church.
And since I have not come to you, some of you have become
puffed up.. And I will come to you soon if the Lord wills, and I will
know not the message of those who are inflated but the power. For
the kingdom of God does not exist in message but in power. What
do you want? Should I come to you in a rod for chastisement or in
love and in gentleness of spirit.
Altogether fornication is heard about you, and such fornication of
the kind which is not among the nations, thus a certain wife of a
father. And you all are inflated and do not lament [for your sins], so
that the one doing such work would be removed from your midst.
For I on the other hand, though absent in body, am present in inner

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self, now have judged as though being near the one who has done
this. In the name of our Lord Jesus who is also of your
congregation and of your spirit thus in power of the Lord our Jesus,
I hand over such a one to Satan into ruin of the flesh so that the
inner self may be saved in the day of the Lord.
Your boast is not good. Do you not know that a little leaven
leavens the whole mix? Purify the old leaven so that you may be a
new lump, just as you are not yet fermented. For also Christ, our
Pascha, was offered. Thus we celebrate a festival not in old leaven
nor in leaven of badness but of sincerity and truth in
unfermentation.
I wrote to you in the letter not to associate to be mixed together
with fornication. [I did not mean] at all with the fornicating of this
world or the avaricious or the robbing or idolatrous, for then you
would have ought to come out of the world. And now I wrote to you
not to mix together to eat if one who is named a brother may be a
fornicator or an avaricious person or an idolater or a curser or a
drunkard or a thief. For what [is it] to me to judge those outside?
But those outside God judges. Carry off the bad out of yourselves.

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 Does one of you all who holds a case against another dare to
judge upon the unjust and not upon the holy? Or do you not know
that they will judge angels? And the world is judged in you all, you
are unworthy [to constitute] the least law courts? Do you not know
that we will judge angles? How much rather the living affairs? Thus
you have law courts of living affairs. Do you appoint them of the
nations [to judge] in the Church? I speak to you all toward shame.
Thus no one is wise among you. Who will be able to judge between
his brother? But will a brother be judged with a brother before an
unbeliever? Already the defeat is whole to you all in that you hold
the lawsuits with them. Rather do you not do wrong because of
this? Do you not rather rob [each other] because of this? But you all
do wrong and rob the brothers. Or do you not know that the unjust
will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not err. Neither fornicators
nor idolaters nor adulterers nor cowards nor bedmates of men nor
thieves nor the avaricious nor the drunk nor the cursers nor the
robbers will inherit the kingdom of God. And these you were. But
you were washed, you were made clean, but you were made holy
in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and in the Spirit of our God.

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 All is allowable to me but not all is profitable. All is allowable to

me but I will not be mastered by any. The meat is for the stomach
and the stomach for meat, and God will destroy both. And the body
is not for fornication but for the Lord and the Lord for the body. And
God also gathered together the Lord and awakened us through His
power. Do you not know that your bodies are the limbs of Christ?
Therefore lifting the members of Christ, will I make the members of
fornication? May it never be! Or do you not know that the one
glueing to fornication is [one] in body [with her]? For it says, They
will be two into one flesh. But [the monastic] who glues to the Lord
is [one] in Spirit [with Him].
Flee the fornication. All sin which if a man makes is outside the
body. But the one fornication sins into his own body. Or do you not
know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit in you and is what
you have from God and that you are not your own? For you have
been bought by honor. So glorify God in your body. And concerning
what you wrote, it is beautiful of a person to not join to a woman.
But because of fornication, each should have his own woman and
each woman should have her own man. The man should give up

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the debt to the woman, just as also the woman to the man. The
woman does not have authority over her own body, but the man
does, and likewise the man does not have authority over his own
body, but the woman does. Do not defraud one another, if not out of
mutual agreement for a time so that so that you may be free for
prayer and then return to each other, so that Satan would not tempt
you through your weakness. And I say this according to the
concession and not to command: I moreover wish all men to be as
myself. But each holds his own gift from God. Some have one gift,
and some have another.
And I say to the unmarried and to the widows, it is beautiful for
them if they remain as I am. And if not they are not in self-control,
may they marry, for it is better to marry than to burn. And for those
married, I say, not I but the Lord, to not divide a woman from a man
-- and if also to not be divided, may the unmarried remain or be
reconciled to the man -- and a man to not send away a woman.
And I say, not the Lord, for the remaining. If some brother has a
woman who is not a believer and and she consents to live with him,
then he should not send here away. And if some woman has an

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unbelieving man. For the unbelieving man is made holy in the

woman and the unbelieving woman is made holy in the brother. The
your children were unclean, but now they are holy. And if the
unbelieving is divided, may he be divided. The brother or the sister
is not divided in such. God has called you all in peace. For what do
you know, woman, if you will save the man? Or what do you know,
man, if you will save the woman?
Just as if the Lord divided [roles] not to each [the same], God has
not called each, and may he walk that way. And thus I am
appointed in all the churches. Was one circumcised when he was
called? May he not be pulled. Is one called in uncircumcision? May
he not become circumcised. Circumcision is nothing, and
uncircumcision is nothing, but guarding the command of God [is of
substance]. Each should remain in the calling in which he has been
called. If you have been called a slave, do not seek to be free. But if
are able to become free, then make use of it. For the one who is
called a slave in Christ is free in Christ. Likewise, the one called
free is a slave of Christ. Acquire honor. Do not become slaves of

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men. Each in which he is called, brothers, should remain there near

God.
But concerning virgins, I do not have any order of God, but I give
a sign as one who is faithful having been given mercy from God. I
suppose then this to be good for the present necessity: [I mean]
that it is good for a man so to be. Are you bound to a woman? Do
not seek to be severed. Are you severed from a woman? Do not
seek a woman. And if you are married, do not sin, and if the virgin
marries, she has not sinned. But those who [are married] have
pressure of the flesh, and I am sparing you that. (29)
But this I say to you, brothers: the time is brief. It is fleeting so
that also those having women may be as though they didn't have
them and those who cry, as though they didn't cry, and those who
rejoice, and those that buy as though they did not possess, and
those that use the world as though they did not use it, for the
schema of the world goes away. And I wish you all to be without
care. For the unmarried cares about the Lord and how he may
please Him, but the married cares about the world and how he may
please the woman, and thus he is divided. And the unmarried

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woman and the virgin thinks about the things of the Master, so that
she may be holy in both body and inner self. But the one married
thinks about the things of the world, the ways in which she may
please her man. And I say this for your benefit, not so that I may
ensnare you, but toward that which is honest and so that you may
serve the Master constantly without distraction.
If anyone thinks that he is not behaving properly towards his
betrothed, if his passions are strong, and it has to be, let him do as
he wishes: let them marryit is no sin. But whoever is firmly
established in his heart, being under no necessity but having his
desire under control, and has determined this in his heart, to keep
her as his betrothed, he will do well. Thus who marries off his virgin
does well, and who doesn't will do better.
A woman is bound in as much time as her man lives. If her man
will have fallen asleep, she is free to marry to whom she wishes,
only in the Lord. She will be more blessed, if thus she will have
remained according to my advice. But I think that also I have the
mindset of God.

!714

 And concerning the things sacrificed to idols, we all know the

knowledge we have. The knowledge inflates, but love builds. If one
seems to know something, he does not yet know in what way it is
necessary to know. And if one loves God, he is known by him.
Concerning food sacrificed to idols, we know that no idol is in the
world and that there is no God if not the One. If there are Gods who
have spoken neither in the sky nor on the earth, even as there are
many gods and many kyrioi, but to us there is one God the Father
out of whom all things and we are into Him, and there is one Kyrios
Jesus the Anointed through Whom we and all things exist.
But knowledge is not in all things. And some by habit still now eat
food of idols as though they were really offered to idols, and their
infirm consciences are polluted. But food will not commend us to
God. Neither if we will have not eaten, we will pass away, nor if we
will have eaten, will we abound. See how your freedom does not
become offensive to the infirm. For if one will have seen him who
holds knowledge reclining in a pagan temple, will not his conscious,
because it is infirm, be built to eat food sacrificed to idols? For thus
the infirm is destroyed in your knowledge, the brother through

!715

whom Christ died. And thus sinning into the brothers and striking
their infirm consciousness, you sin in Christ. So if food scandalizes
my brother, I will not eat meat ever again so that I will not
scandalize my brother.
Am I not free? Am I not a missionary? Have I not seen seen our
Master Jesus? Are you not my work in the Master? I am not a
missionary for another but indeed for you all. For you all are my
apostolic seal in the Master. My defense is that for those who
interrogate me. Do we not hold ability to eat and drink? Do we not
hold ability to marry a believing wife as also those other apostles
and the brothers of the Lord and of Peter? Or do I and Barnabas
alone not have power to not work? Who ever serves as a soldier for
his own salary? Or who plants a vine and does not eat its fruit? Or
who tends a flock and does not [use for him] the milk? Do I not say
these things according to man but also does the law not say these?
For in Mouses it has been written in law, You will not be muzzle the
ox while its threshing. Is the ox not of care to God? Or through us
does he say all things? For through us he wrote that, He who plows
ought to plow in hope, and he who threshes should gain the fruit in

!716

hope. If we have spread the seeds of the spiritual things to you all,
is it great if we reap the fleshly? If others participate of your power,
do we rather not? But we did not proclaim this power but endure all
things so that we may not give offense to the gospel of Christ.
Do you not know that those who work the priestly things eat the
things of the priestly things, those who attend upon the altar and
share in the altar? Thus also the Master appointed life from the
gospel for those who proclaim the gospel. And I have not had use
of any of these. And I did not write these so that thus it came about
in me. For rather it is good for me to die than no one to boast my
boast. For if I may spread the gospel, it is not a boast to me. For
necessity is laid upon me. For woe to me if I do not spread the
gospel. For if I do this willingly, I have repayment. And if unwillingly,
I have believed the house rules. Thus is something my reward? So
that preaching the gospel without expense, I will place the gospel
so that I may not waste by my power in the gospel.
For being free out of all, I served myself for all, so that I may
profit the more. And I am [as I am] for the Jews as a Jew so that I
may gain a profit of Jews. For those who are by the law as they are

!717

under the law, that the law is under the law, so that I may make a
profit of those by the law. To those without law as though there is
not law, so that being without the law of God but being lawful of
Christ, so that I may make profit of the lawless. I became weak for
the weak so that I may profit of the weak. I have become all things
to all people so that I may save some of all. And I make all things
through the gospel so that I may have communion of it.
Do you not know that all those who run in a stadium run so that
they may take the reward? Thus run so that you may [fully] take it.
And all who strive in a game abstains from all things, and they do
this so that they may accept a corruptible crown. We however do
this to receive one which is incorruptible. Therefore I do not run as
in uncertainty, [and] thus I fight not as though beating the air. But I
punish my flesh and enslave it so that I may not become unworthy
after I announced [all this] to others.
I do not wish you all to be ignorant, brothers, that our fathers
were all under a cloud and all came through the sea and were
baptized into Mouses in the cloud and in the sea and all ate the
same spiritual bread and all drank the same spiritual drink. For they

!718

drank out of the spiritual flowing rock. And the rock was Christ. But
God was not well pleased in their many, for they were wounded in
the desert.
But our types were made these things, so that we may not be
those who desire bad things just as those desired it. Do not
become idolators just as some of them, even as it has been written,
The people sat down to eat and to drink and they stood up to play.
We do not fornicate just as some of them fornicated and 23
thousand fell in one day. We may not test Christ just as some of
them have tried and fell from by the serpent. Nor do you murmur,
just as some of them murmured and fell from the destroyer. And
these in type stand together for those, and I wrote according to our
warning, into whom the ends of the ages have reached. Thus who
thinks himself to stand, may he see so that he may not fall.
Temptation has not take you all if not in a human way. And God is
faithful, that he will not allow you to to be tested over what you are
able. But he will also make an escape with the temptation of the
ability to endure. Because of this, my beloved, flee from idolatry. I
speak as though to prudent [men]. [Now] judge what I say. The

!719

chalice of blessing which we bless, is this not the communion of the

blood of Christ? And the bread which we break, is this not the
communion of the body of Christ? That the many of us are one
bread in body, for all of us hold together out of one bread. See
Israel according to the flesh. Are not those who are and do not eat
the sacrifices in communion of the altar?
What then will we say? That something is sacrificed to idols or
that it is an idol? But that which they sacrifice, they sacrifice to
demons and not to God. And I do not wish you all to become in
communion with demons. You are not able to drink the chalice of
the Master and the chalice of demons. You are not able to hold with
the dining table of the Master and the dining table of the demons.
Or do we provoke the Lord to jealousy? Are we not His mighty
ones?
All things are possible but not all thing carry together. All things
are possible but not all things build a home. May no one of you
seek but that of the other. Eat all that is sold in the marketplace.
Judge nothing though the conscience. For, the earth [is] of the
Master and the fullness of it [as well]. If one calls you all unfaithful,

!720

[and if] you wish to carry all the offered, eat nothing to you all,
judging through the conscious. And if one says to you all, This is
offered to a god, do not eat for the sake of the person and for the
sake of consciousness. And I do not speak that consciousness of
mine but that of the other. For why does my liberty judge by another
consciousness? If I hold together by grace, why do I blaspheme
over which I give thanks?
Whether you eat or whether you drink something, do all things
into the glory of God. Become the unforeseen for the Jews, for the
Greeks, and for the Church of the God, according to how I also
appease all things for all [people] not seeking that profit of mine but
that of the many so that they will be saved.
Be imitators of me just as I am of Christ. And I praise you all that
you remember all my things and just as I handed you over, so to do
you hold according to my teaching handed down. And I wish you all
to see that the head of the whole man is Christ, and the head of a
woman is the man, and the head of Christ is God. the whole man
prays or prophesies according to the head, his head, which he
holds and and dishonors. And the whole woman, praying or

!721

prophesying, she dishonors her head by her uncovered head. For

one thing is also that very thing for the shaved woman. For if a
woman covers herself, she also shears herself. And if the act of
shaving the dishonorable shearing for the woman, then may she
cover herself up. For a man ought not to cover his head. The image
and glory of God begins, and the woman is the glory of man. For it
is not man from woman but woman from man. For also man did not
pay off through the woman but the woman through the man.
Through this a woman ought to hold authority upon her head
through the messengers. Except that the man is not apart from
woman nor the woman from man in the Lord. For even as the
woman [is] from the man, thus also the man [is born] through the
woman. All things are from God. Judge in yourselves: is it proper
for a woman to pray to God uncovered? Does not nature itself
teach you all that a man is dishonor to himself if [he has] hair? And
if a woman [has] hair, it is glory to her that the hair is given to her as
a covering. And if one seems to be a lover of strife, we do not have
custom and neither do the Churches of God.

!722

 And this I announce: I do not praise [you] because you do not

come together into the stronger but into the weaker. For first you
congregate yourselves in the church. I hear schisms to be amongst
you and I believe something as a portion. For it is necessary also to
be heresies among you so that those appearing good become
among you. Thus when you congregate upon that, it is not to eat
the Supper of the Lord. For each takes his own supper in the
eating. One is hungry and another drunk. Do you not have houses
to east and drink in? Or do you despise the Church of God and put
to shame those who do not have [food and drink]? Why did I speak
to you all? Will I approve you all in the thing which I will not
approve?
For I received from the Lord that which I gave to you that the
Lord Jesus took bread during the night which he was handed over.
And He gave thanks and broke it and said, Take and eat this. It is
my body broken over you. Make this into the memory of me. In the
same way, He also took the chalice after the meal and said, This
chalice is the new covenant in my blood. Make this as often as you
may drink into my memory. For as often as you eat this bread and

!723

drink this cup, you announce the death of the Lord until he comes.
Thus who eats this bread or drinks this cup of the Lord may be
bound unworthily of the body and blood of the Lord. And may a
man examine himself, and thus he may eat out of the bread and
drink out of the cup. For he who eats and drinks unworthily eats
and drinks judgment to himself not judging thoroughly the body of
the Lord. Because of this, many are weak, sick, and adequate.
They have fallen asleep. For if we judged thoroughly ourselves, we
would not be judged. And being judged under the Lord, we are
taught so that we may not be judged against with the world. Thus
my brothers, come together for eating, receive one another. And if
one is hungry, may he eat at home so that he may not come into
judgment. And I will leave the rest when I come. I will set things in
order.
And concerning the Spiritual things, brothers, I do not wish you to
be without knowledge. Know that what kind of a nation you were
toward silent idols as you lead astray. Therefore I declare to you
that no one speaking in the Spirit of God says anathema to jesus
and no one is able to speak Jesus as Lord if not by the Holy Spirit.

!724

And there are various gifts but the same Spirit, and there are
different ministries but the same Lord. And there are many kinds of
energies but the same God works all things in all things. And to
each the manifestation of the Spirit is toward the congregation. For
to whom the word of wisdom is given through the Spirit, and the
world of knowledge is given to the other according to the same
Spirit. Faith is to the other in the same Spirit, and gifts of healing to
another in the one Spirit. And to another, energies of power, and to
another prophecies, and to another judging thoroughly of the spirits.
To another, the kinds of languages, and to another the explanation
of languages. And all these work energy in the same Spirit. And the
same Spirit divides His own to each just as He wills.
For just as the body is in and holds the many limbs, and all the
limbs of the body are many in it and are the body, thus also is
Christ. For also we were baptized into the body in one Spirit
whether Jew or Greek or slave or free. And all are made to drink in
the Spirit. For also the body is not in a limb but in all. If the foot
says, I am not a hand. I am not [part] of the body of which that is
not [a part] of the body but next to it. And if the ear says, I am not

!725

the eye. I am not [part] of the body, of which that is not [part] of the
body but next to it. If the whole body were an eye, where would the
hearing be? IF the whole heard, where would the smelling? And
now God placed the members in each of them in the body just as
He willed. and if all things were in the members, where would be
the body? And now the members are many but in the body. And the
eye is not able to say to the hand, I do not have use of you. The
head again to the feet, I have no need of you all. But rather the
members of the body that seem weaker to the many are necessary,
and those of the body seeming to be more honorless, we give extra
honor, and those of us who are ugly hold abundant elegance. And
those elegant among us do not have need, but God mixed the body
with those in need and gave [them] abundant honor. So that there
may not be schism in the body but that the members may have the
same concern for each other. And if it suffers in a member, all the
members suffer together. If a member is glorified, all the members
rejoice together. And you all are the body of Christ and the
members out of the portions. And whom God placed in the Church,
first the missionaries, second the prophets, third the teachers, then

!726

the powerful, then the gifts of healing, helpers, governors, and

kinds of languages. Not all are apostles. Not all are prophets. Not
all are teachers. Not all are powerful. Not all hold gifts of healing.
Not all speak languages. Not all interpret. But imitate the greater
gifts, and I will show you yet a way according to excessive
superiority.
If I speak in the languages of men and messengers, but I do not
have love, I have become a copper noise or a war cymbal. And if I
have prophecy and see all mysteries and all knowledge and I have
all faith so that I move mountains, but I do not have love, I am
nothing. And if I nourish all of my [charges] and give my body so
that I may proclaim [the gospel] but do not have love, I help
nothing. Love suffers a long time. Love is good [to others]. Love
does not envy. Love does not boast for itself or puff itself up. It does
not put [another] to shame. It does not seek its own. It is not angry.
It does not argue for bad things. It does not rejoice upon
unrighteousness but rejoices together with the truth. It covers all,
believes all, hopes all, and endures all. Love never falls and if
prophecies will become idle and languages stop and if knowledge

!727

will become idle, for out of the portions we know and out of hte
portions we prophecy. When I was a child, I spoke as a child,
thought as a child, and argued [with the reason of] a child. When I
became a man, I made the things of a child to be idle. For now we
see through a glass in a riddle, but then we will see face to face. No
we know in a portion, but then we will know upon just as I am
known. And now faith, hope, and love remains. But the greatest of
these is love.
Run after love. Seek the spiritual thing especially so that you
may prophesy. For he who speaks a language speaks not to men
but to God. For no one hears and he speaks a mystery to [the]
Spirit. But he who prophesies speaks to men to edify and to comfort
and to encourage. The one speaking a language edifies himself.
And the one prophesying builds the Church. But I wish all of you to
speak in languages especially so that you may prophesy. But
greater is he who prophesies than the one who speaks six
languages if one does not interpret so that the church takes
edification. And now brothers, if I come to you all speaking in

!728

languages, what do I help you all if I will not speak either in

revelation or in knowledge or in prophecy or in teaching?
Nevertheless, the lifeless things which give sound, whether a
pipe or a harp, if they do not give a distinction in sound, how will
they be known to be a pipe or a harp? For also if a trumpet gives an
uncertain sound, what will prepare [the soldiers] into war? Thus
also you all through tongues, if you do not give a good sign, how
will it be known what is spoken? For you will be speaking into air.
There are so many kinds of voices (as it comes to pass) in the
world, and none of them are silent. Thus if I do not know the power
of the sound, I will be a barbarian in speech, and the one speaking
to me is a barbarian.
Thus also you all, when one may seek, are of the Spirit toward
the edification of the Church. Seek so that you may excel. For that
reason, who speaks a language, may he pray that he may interpret.
For if I pray a language, my spirit prays, but my mind is fruitless.
Thus why is it that I pray to the Spirit? And I pray also to the mind. I
sing to the Spirit, and I sing also to the mind. If when you bless in

!729

the Spirit, how will the one filing the room of his own say the amen
upon your thanksgiving when one speaks but does not know?
For on one hand, you give the thanksgiving well, but the other
one does is not edified. I thank the God of all of you rather that I
speak in languages. But in the Church, I wish to speak five words to
my mind so that also I may instruct the others rather than speak
countless words in a language. Brothers, do not be children in
understanding, but be children in badness and full in
understanding. It is written in the law that, In other languages and in
the lips of others will I speak to this people. And thus neither will
they hear me, says the Lord. Thus as the languages are into a sign
not to those who believe but to those who do not believe and the
prophecy not to those who do not believe but to those who do
believe. Thus if the whole church comes upon it and all speak in
languages, and the individuals or unbelievers enter, will they not
say you are insane? And if all prophesy, and some unbeliever or
individual enters, he will be disgraced under all. He will be judged
under all. The hidden things of his heart become shown, and thus
he has fallen upon upon his face in adoration to God while

!730

announcing that God is among us. Thus why, brothers, is it that

whenever you come together, each holds a song, each holds a
teaching, each holds a revelation, each holds a language, each
holds an interpretation? May all things be toward edification. If one
speaks a language according to two or at the most three, may he
interpret in turn. And if one does not interpret, may he keep silent in
the Church, and may he speak to himself and to God. But two or
three prophets may speak, and the others interpret. And if anything
be revealed to another that sits [nearby], let the first hold his peace.
For all of you are able to prophesy according each in turn so that all
may learn and all may be comforted. And the spirits of prophecy are
placed subject to prophets. For God is not of confusion but of
peace as in the whole Church of the saints.
This women in the church are to be silent. For it does not rely
upon them to speak. Bu they are to be submissive according to
also what the law says. And if they seek to learn something, they
may ask their own husbands at home. For if is shame to a woman
to speak in Church. Or did the principles of God come from you all?
Or did it meet into you all alone? If one seems to be a prophet or

!731

spiritual, may he observe the things in writing to you. That is the

command of the Lord. And in one is ignorant, may he be ignorant.
Thus, my brothers, seek the prophesying, and do not prevent the
speaking in languages. But may all things be elegant in
arrangement.
And I make it know to you all, brothers, the good news which I
preached to you all, which also you received and in which you also
stand. Through this also you are being saved in some principle
which I preached to you all if you hold if you have not believed
without plan. For I gave you over in the first things which also I
received: that Christ died over our sins according to the writings
and that He was buried and that he has awaken on the third day
according to the writings. And that he was seen by Peter and then
to the twelve. Then he was seen of more than five hundred
brethren at once, of whom many remain unto this present, and
some also are asleep. Then he appeared to James and then to all
the apostles. And last of all, he was seen by me as one born in the
wrong time. For I am least of the apostles. I am not sufficient to be
called an apostle because I persecuted the Church of God. But by

!732

the favor of God, I am what I am and His favor which was [put] into
me has not become empty but I labored to weariness more so than
all. And not I, but God's favor was with me. Thus whether I or those,
as we preached, so you believed.
And if Christ is preached that he awoke out of the dead, how do
some among you say that there is not a standing up of the dead?
And if a standing up of the dead, then neither did Christ arise. And if
Christ did not rise, is our message and your faith empty? And we
find also the false witnesses of God. [But] we witnessed according
to God that He awoke Christ Whom He did not awoken if indeed
the dead do not rise. For if the dead do not awake, then neither was
Christ awoken. And if Christ was not awoken, the faith of you all is
empty. You all are still in your sins. Do those perish who have been
put to sleep in Christ? If in this life we had hoped in Christ, we are
pitied alone of all men. And now Christ has been awoken out of the
dead as the first offering of those who have become asleep. For
then [we] die through a man and stand up from death through a
man. For even as all died in Adam, thus also in Chris all have been
made alive. And each in his own order: Christ is the first-fruits when

!733

those of Christ [are] in his presence. Then the fulfillment whenever

He gives over the kingdom to God and to the Father whenever he
abolishes the whole order, authority, and power. For it is necessary
to rein until when he places all enemies under his feet.
The last enemy to be destroyed is death. For he placed all under
His feet whenever he said that He has placed all under [His feet], it
is manifest that He is excepted Who did put down all things under
Him. And whenever He placed all things under Him, then also the
same Son will be placed under the One Who placed all things
under Him so that God would be all things in all. Why at that time
will the baptized make over the dead if altogether the dead are not
awoken? Why also are they baptized over the dead? Why also are
we risking every hour? By your rejoicing which I have in Christ
Jesus our Lord, I die daily.
If I fought with wild beasts according to man in Ephesus, what
help is it to me if the dead are not awoken. We may eat and drink,
for tomorrow we die. Do not be deceived: bad conversation corrupt
good custom. Become sober righteously and do not sin. For some
have ignorance of God. I speak toward your shame.

!734

 But someone will ask, How is the dead awoken? And with what
kind of Body do they come? Fool, what you sow will not be made to
live if it may not die. And what you sow is not the body that will be
but a naked seed of wheat or some of the remainder falls. And God
gives to him a body just as He willed and to each his own body of
seeds. Not the whole flesh or the same flesh but the other flesh of
men and the other flesh of flocks and the other of fish and the other
of birds. [There are] both the heavenly bodies and the earthly
bodies, but other on one hand the glory of heaven or on the other
hand the glory of the earth. Another glory of the son and another
glory of the moon and another glory of the stars. For a star carries
through a star in glory. Thus also is the standing up of the dead
sown in destruction. It is awoken in immortality. It is sown in
dishonor. It is awoken in glory. It is sown in weakness. It is awoken
in power. The body is sown with a soul. The body is awoken with a
spirit. There is a soulful body, and there is a spiritual body. Thus
also it is written, The first man Adam lived into a soul, and the last
Adam made life into [the] Spirit. But the first was not spiritual but
soulful. Then [there was] the spiritual. The first man of earth was

!735

out of earth. The second man was the Lord out of sky. As is the
earthly, such are they that are earthly: and as is the heavenly, such
are they also that are heavenly. And just as we have born the
image of the earthly, we will also bear the image of the heavenly.
And I say this, brothers, that flesh and blood will not inherit the
kingdom of God. Neither does ruin inherit the unruined.
I speak a mystery of secrecy to you all: on one hand, we all will
be put to sleep, and on the other hand, we will be changed. In a
moment, in the twinkling of an eye at the last trumpet: for the
trumpet shall blow, and the dead shall be raised up unruined, and
we shall be changed. For it is necessary for the ruin to clothe [itself
with] unruinedness, and the mortal to clothe [itself with] immortality.
And whenever the ruin may clothe itself with unruinedness, then
shall be brought to pass the saying, that is written, Death is
swallowed up into victory. Where, death, is your spike? Where,
grave, is your victory? And the spike of death, either sin or power of
sin, is the law. But thanks to God who gives to us the victory
through our Lord Jesus Christ. Thus, my beloved brothers, be

!736

steady, unmovable, abundant in the work of the Lord, always

knowing that the suffering of you all is not empty in the Lord.
And concerning the collection of the poor gathered from the
saints, even as I ordered for the churches of the Galatians, thus
also you all do. According to the first day of the Sabbaths, each of
you all should place of the treasury beside himself in what he is
successful so that when I come, then there will not be a collection.
And when I am come, whomsoever you shall allow by letters, them
will I send to bring your favor into Jerusalem. And if it be of value
that I also go, they shall go with me. And I will come to you
whenever I come through Macedonia. For I come through
Macedonia. And I may remain with you or also through the winter
so that you may send me where I journey. For I do not wish you all
to see in passage. And I hope to remain with you fo rsome time if
the Lord yields. And I will remain in Ephesus until Pentecost. For a
great and effective door has been opened to me, and there are
many adversaries.
If Timothy comes, see that he is without fear toward you all. For
he works the work of the Lord as also do I. Thus may nobody scorn

!737

him. But send him forth in peace so that he may come toward me.
For I receive him with the brothers. And concerning Apollos, I asked
him many things so that he would come toward you all with the
brothers. But he had none of the will so that he would now come.
And he will come whenever he will have opportunity.
Be watchful. Stand in the faith. Be manly and strong. May all
your affairs be in love. And I ask you, brothers, you know the house
of Stephanas that is the first-fruits of Achaia and that they examined
themselves into the deaconate for the saints, so that also you all
may be subject to such as this and to all the fellow workers and to
those who labor into tiredness. And I rejoice upon the presence of
Stephanas and Fortunatus and Akhaios that these may fill up your
need. For they have comforted my spirit and yours: therefore
acknowledge such men.
The Churches of Asia greet you. Akylas and Priskilla with the
church in their house greet you. All the brothers greet you. Greet
one another in a holy kiss. The greeting [is] in my hand, Paul's. If
one does not love the Lord Jesus the Anointed, may he be
anathema. The Lord has come. [May] the favor of the Lord Jesus

!738

the Anointed [be] with you all. My love [is] with all of you in Christ
Jesus in truth.

2 Corinthians

Paul, a missionary of Chris Jesus through the will of God, and

Timotheos the brother for the Church of God which is in Corinthos
with all the holy who are in all Akhaia, [may there be] favor to you
all and peace from God the father of us and from the Master Jesus
the Anointed.
Blessed [be] the God and father of our Master Jesus Christ, the
father of the compassions and the God of all comfort, [the God]
who comforts us upon all affliction into the ability to comfort us in all
affliction through the comfort of which we ourselves are comforted
from God, that accordingly the sufferings of Christ abound into us,
just as through Christ our comfort also abounds. And whether we
are afflicted on behalf of your comfort and salvation, or whether we
are comforted on behalf of your comfort of the One working in the
remainder of the sufferings themselves of which also we suffer. And

!739

our steady over you all having known that as you are in communion
of sufferings, thus also of the comfort.
For we do not wish you all to be ignorant, brothers, over our
affliction of the happening in Asia, that we were weighed down
beyond the way beyond power, so that to have despaired even to
live. But they in themselves have held the judgment of death, so
that we may not be trusting upon ourselves but upon the God who
awakens the dead, Who rescued us out of so great a death and will
rescue us into what we had hoped [for], that also we will yet be
rescued by [the ones] who help with you in the prayer for us, so that
on account of that [prayer], which is from many people into us, [it
may be] a gift [that] favors [us] well through many out of many
people.

For our boasting is the same, the witness of our shared

knowledge, that in frankness and purity of God, and also not in

fleshly wisdom but in favor of God, we were converted in the world,
and even more so toward you all. For we do not write other things
to you all but that which you know. And I hope that while you will
know the fullness, and accordingly you also knew us in part, that

!740

we are your boast however also you all [are] ours in the day of our
Master Jesus.
And I was wishing to come for that trust in the front toward you
all, so that you may hold a second [gift of] favor, and to enter into
Macedonia through you all and to come to you all back from
Macedonia and to have been sent forth by you all into Judea. Thus
wishing nothing, did I proclaim for fluff? Or those things which I will
according to the flesh, do I not will so that [there may be] for [that] a
yes and a no near me? And God [is] trusted that our principle which
is not a yes and no toward you all. For the son of God, Jesus
Christ, who in you all [and] through us is was proclaimed, through
me and Silvanos and Timotheos, [this son] did not make a yes and
a no but has made a yes in it. For however many commands of
God, in it [is] the yes. Therefore also through it [is] the amen for
God through the consent of belief through us. And God confirming
us with you all into Christ and having anointed us, and who gave us
the deposit of the Spirit in our hearts.
And I will summon God [as] a witness upon my soul, that having
spared you all, no longer did I come into Corinth. It is not that I act

!741

as a lord over you all of the faith but we may be co-workers of your
joy. For you have stood [in] faith.
For I judged to myself to not come again to you all in distress.
For if I bring grief to you all, does one also gladden me if he does
not bring grief out of me? And I wrote that thing, so that I may not
hold the coming grief away from whom you it was lacking to give
me joy, having faith upon the whole of you all that my joy is of the
whole of you all. For out of many afflictions and anguish of heart
wrote to you all through many tears, not so that you may be given
grief but the love so that you may know [the love] which I hold
exceedingly into you all.
And if one has given grief, he has not given me grief, but away
from part, so that I may not weigh down the whole of you all. It is
sufficient to that which is of such kind, this reproach which may be
from many, so that now contrariwise you all ought rather to forgive
him, and comfort him, lest the same should be swallowed up with
overmuch grief. Therefore I comfort you all to confirm the love itself
For I also wrote into that, so that I may know your test, if you may
be listeners into all things. And to what you may give something,

!742

and I also. For what I also have given, if I have given something
through you all in [the] person of Christ, so that we may not be
circumvented by Satan. For we are not ignorant of the perceptions
of him.
Furthermore, when I came to Troadis to preach Christs Gospel,
and a door was opened unto me of the Lord, I had no rest in my
spirit, because I found not Titus my brother, but took my leave of
them, and went away into Macedonia. But [may] the gratitude [be]
to God, the One ever-triumphing both us in Christ and the smell of
His investigation appearing through us in every region. That we are
the good smell of Christ for God in the saving and in the destroying,
for whom, on one hand, [is] a smell out of death into death, and on
the other hand, for whom [is] a smell out of life into life. And one is
sufficient toward those. For we are not as the many who peddle the
principle of God but as out of purity, but as out of God do we talk in
front of God in Christ.
Are we ourselves first to stand from old? Or do I lack as some of
the introductions of letters toward you all or out of you all? You are
our letter, written out in our hearts and known by all men. You are

!743

manifest that you are a letter of Christ, ministered by us, written out
not [in obscurity] but in the living Breath of God, not on stone
tablets but on a tablet of a fleshly heart.
And we hold such a trust toward God through Christ, not that we
are sufficient out from ourselves to think something as out of
ourselves, but our sufficiency is out from God, who also made us
sufficient ministers of the new covenant, not of writing but of Breath.
For the writing destroys, but the Breath gives life.
And if the ministry of death has come about in disfigured and
stone writing in glory, just as the sons of Israel were not able to
gaze into the face of Moses through the emptying glory of his face,
[then] how rather may the ministry of the Spirit not be in glory? For
if the glory [is] for the ministry of judgment, [then] the ministry of
righteousness for glory exceeds rather for many. For it has also
been [held to be] glory in that portion on account of the exceeding
glory. For if the fading [is] through glory, [then] for many does it
rather remain in glory.
Thus holding such hope, we use much frankness, and not
according to Mouses, who was placing a veil upon his face, so that

!744

the sons of Israel may not gaze into the completion of the fading.
But their perceptions were petrified. For today to the uttermost, the
veil itself remains upon the old covenant upon the knowledge, the
veil not uncovering that it fades away in Christ. But while today, at
the time when Mouses knew well, a veil lies upon the heart. And at
the time when he turned around toward the Master, the veil is
removed. And the Master is the Spirit. And where the Spirit of the
Master is, [there is] freedom. And we all uncover the image itself
and reflect the glory to the Master for the uncovering face. We
transform from glory into glory just as from the Spirit of the Master.
Through this, holding this ministry accordingly as we were shown
mercy, we do not behave badly but declare the hidden things of the
shame, so that neither walking around in all works nor deceiving
the principle of God but standing together in the manifestation of
the Truth toward all common knowledge of men before the face of
God. And if also our gospel has been hidden, it has been hidden to
those perishing, in whom God blinded the perceptions of the
unbelievers in this age so that they may not discern the illumination
of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the icon of God.

!745

 For we do not preach ourselves but Christ Jesus the Master, and
[we] ourselves [are] slaves of you all through Jesus, that God says,
out of darkness the light shines, who shined in our hearts toward
illumination of the inquiry of the glory of God in the face of Jesus
Christ.
And we hold this treasury in earthen vessels, so that the excess
of power may be of God and not out of us. Being afflicted in all but
no confined, looking away but not doubting, being persecuted but
not resigning, being thrown down but not destroyed, always
carrying the mortification of Jesus in the body, so that also the life of
Jesus in our body may be manifest. For always we live into death
and give over through Jesus, so that also the life of Jesus may be
manifest in the dead flesh of us. Thus the death works in us, and
the life in you.
And holding the same Spirit of the faith according to what was
written, I believed, because I spoke, and we believe, because we
also speak, knowing that the the one who awakened the Master
Jesus and us with Jesus will awaken you all and cause you to
stand beside [us]. For all things [are] through you all, so that the

!746

favor having been filled through the fullness of the well-favoring

may abound into the consent of belief of God.
Therefore we do not behave badly, if the man outside of us, [the
flesh] is corrupted, [then] the one inside of us is renewed day by
day. For in the moment, the lightness of our affliction excessively
works in us the eternal heaviness of glory, not by our seeing the
seen things but the unseen. For the seen things [are] temporary,
but the unseen are eternal.
For we know that if our earthly house of this tent is destroyed, we
have a building out of God, a building not made by hands [but]
eternal in the skies. For also in this we sigh deeply, desiring to
clothe ourselves in the building out of heaven, if at least also [so
that] we will not be found naked [while] being unclothed. For also
we, [while] we are in the tent, sigh deeply [while] being burdened
heavily, upon which we do not desire to be unclothed but to be
clothed, so that the death may be swallowed by the life. And this
God who worked us into it, He gave to us the deposit of the Spirit.
Thus we are always of good courage and know that, while we
are present in the body, we are absent from the Lord. For we walk

!747

through faith, not through sight. And we are of good courage and
are well-pleased rather to be absent out of the body and to be
present at the Lord. And therefore we are ambitious, whether to be
present or whether to be absent, to be acceptable to Him. For it is
necessary to make all of us manifest before the tribunal of Christ,
so that each may carry back the things through the body towards
those things which He carried, whether good or bad.
Thus knowing the fear of the Lord, we persuade men, and we
have been manifested to God. And I hope also to have been
manifested in your common knowledge. We do not again commend
ourselves to you all but give an occasion to you all that you may
boast over us, so that you may hold the boasting toward those in
appearance and not in heart. For if we withdraw in mind, [it is] for
God. If we are prudent, [it is] for you. For the charity of Christ holds
us [with it]. We judge this, that one died over all and thus all die.
And [He] died over all, so that those who live may no longer live for
themselves but for [He Who] died over them and was awoken.
Thus we know nobody according to the flesh out of the now. If
also we have known Christ according to flesh, but we now no

!748

longer know [in this way]. Thus if one [is] in Christ, he is a new
foundation. The old went away. Behold the new things have come.
And all those out of God Who reconciled us to Himself through
Christ and gave us the covenant of the reconciliation, since God
was in Christ [while] reconciling the world to Himself, not thinking
[of] their blunders to himself [but] placing the principle of
reconciliation in us. Thus we are ambassadors on behalf of Christ
as on behalf of God who summons through us. He made Him sin,
Who did not know sin, on behalf of us, so that we may become
righteousness of God in Him.
But working together, we also encourage you all to accept the
favor of God not for nothing. For it says, In the received time I
heeded you and in the day of salvation I helped you. Now behold
the acceptable time. Now behold the day of salvation. Give offense
of nothing in nothing so that the ministry may not be blamed, but in
all stand with each other as ministers of God in much patience, in
afflictions, in necessities, and in anguish, in wounds, in jails, in
rebellions, in labors, in vigils, in hunger, in purity, in knowledge, in
patience, in uprightness, in the Holy Spirit, in genuine love, in a

!749

word of Truth, in the power of God. Through arms of justice of the

right and the left, through glory and dishonor, through bad [or] good
repute, as [regarded] preachers of deceit [but yet] of truth, as those
who are ignorant and knowledgeable, as dying and behold we live,
as punished and not made dead, as sorrowful but always rejoicing,
as beggars of much but wealthy, as holding nothing and holding
everything.
Our mouth has been opened toward you all, Corinthians. Our
heart has been widened. Do not be constricted in us, but be
constricted in your inner parts. And you also widen [back to us]. I
speak as to children.
Do not be in unequal partnership with the unbelievers. For [is
there] some participation in righteousness and lawlessness, or
some communion in light toward darkness? And [is there[ some
agreement of Christ toward Belial, or one portion in belief with
unbelief? And what concord is the law of God with idol? For we are
the temple of the living God, just as God said that, I will dwell in
them and I will walk in [them] and I will be their God and they will be
my people. Wherefore, You went out of the middle of them and you

!750

were separated, says the Lord, and do not be fastened with the
foul. And, I will be to you all into the father, and you all will be to me
in sons and daughters, says the Lord all-powerful.
Thus holding these these promises, beloved, we may cleanse
ourselves from all pollution of flesh and spirit, filling up holiness in
fear of God. Receive us! We did no wrong. We did no destruction.
We did no fraud. I do not speak toward great judgment. For I have
said beforehand that you are in our hearts into dying and living
together. [There is] much frankness to me toward you all, much
boasting to me over you all. I have made full in encouragement. I
over-abound in the joy upon the whole of our affliction. For also, we
having gone into Macedonia, our flesh had no rest but was afflicted
in all [things].
But the one who encourages the one brought low called us, God
in the presence of Titos, and not only in his presence but also in the
encouragement for which he was encouraged upon you all,
announcing back to us your desire, your lamentation, your imitation
over me in as much as I rather have been gladdened.

!751

 That if also I sorrowed you all in that letter, I do not regret it. If
also I regretted it, I see that the this letter if also it sorrowed you all
for a season, now I rejoice, not that you sorrowed but that you
sorrowed into repentance. For you sorrowed according to God, so
that you lost in nothing out of us. For the suffering according to God
works repentance into unrepentant salvation. And the repentance of
the world greatly works death. For behold, this thing worked you all
to have been sorrowed according to God [in] so much earnestness
but defense but displeasure but fear but desire but imitation but
revenge. You stood yourselves together to be pure in the whole
affair. Therefore, if also I wrote to you, not because of that who
made wrongdoing, nor because of that who was wronged, but
toward the manifesting your earnestness, which you have over us
toward you all before the face of God. Therefore we are
encouraged.
And in our encouragement, we rejoiced abundantly more upon
the joy of Titos, that his spirit was refreshed by you all. For if that I
have boasted anything to him of you, I have not been ashamed, I
was not dishonored, but as I have spoken unto you all things in

!752

truth, even so our boasting unto Titus was true. And his inward
affection is more abundant toward you, when he remembers the
obedience of you all, and how with fear and trembling you received
him. I rejoice that I am confident in all things in you all.
And we make the favor of God known to you, brothers, the grace
which has been given in the Macedonian Church, that in much
testing of affliction, their abundance of joy and their deep poverty
abounded into the riches of their simplicity. That according to
power, I witness, and beyond power, they were made volunteers
with much comfort, imploring us [for] favor and the communion of
the servant, which is made into the holy ones. And we did not hope
in the same way, but they gave first themselves to God, then to us
through the will of God, so that as we ask Titus, so that, in whatever
way he begins, thus may he also fill up in you all that favor.
But even as you abound in all, believe also the principle and
know also all haste and love out of us in you, so that also you may
be filled in that favor. I do not speak according to imposition but the
through the haste of others, and [thus] I test the lawfulness of your
love. For you know the favor of our Lord Jesus Christ, that being

!753

rich, he became poor because of you all, so that you all may
become rich by His poverty. And I give a sign in this. For this is
useful to you who began not only to do but also to will last year. And
now also you completed the doing, in such a manner as according
to the willingness of the [willfulness], thus also the completion from
what you hold. For if the willingness is manifest according to that
which it has, it is accepted not according to that which it does not
have. For [it is] not as a remission for others [and] an affliction for
you all, but out of equality in the present time, your abundance [of
those may supply] a need, so that also the abundance of those may
become a need, in such a manner as it may become equality, just
as it is written, Who is more does not abound, and who is less was
not lessened.
But [may] favor [be] to God who gave the eagerness on behalf of
us in the heart of Titus, that he received the comfort, and being
more eager, because he accepted the comfort, but being more
eager he took the initiative to come to you of his own will. But we
the brother sent together with him, whose approval in the gospel [is]
through all of the Church, and not only [that], but also having been

!754

chosen by the Church [to be] our fellow-traveler with this favor
which is ministered by us toward the glory of the Lord and toward
our will, we who avoid this, that no one may blame us in this
abundance ministered by us. For, we perceive beforehand good
things not only before [the face of] the Lord but also before [the
face of] men. And we sent our brother to them, the brother whom
we approved to be earnest in many times, and now he has been
made more earnest in much into you all. As for Titos, he is my
partner and fellow worker into you all. As for our brothers, the are
missionaries of the Churches, a glory of Christ. Thus [be] marked
ones [to those who are] the indication of your love and our loudspeaking on behalf of you all into them into the face of the
Churches.
For on one hand, concerning the ministry, which is to me the
excessive writing to you all into the holy ones. For I know your
willingness which I spoke loudly about over you all to the
Macedonians, that Akhaia has prepared last year, and your zeal
roused the many [of them] to excitement. And I sent the brothers,
so that our loud-speaking may be emptied over you all in the this

!755

portion, so that accordingly I spoke that you all may be prepared,

that we may not be put to shame in such a way if they may come to
me with the Macedonians and find you all unprepared, so that I
may not tell you all in this substance. Thus I think it necessary to
ask the brothers so that they may come beforehand into you all and
prepare your blessing which was promised beforehand, this which
is prepared to be thus as a blessing and not as avarice.
And this, who sows sparingly also reaps sparingly, and who sows
upon blessings also reaps upon blessings. Each accordingly has
brought forth by the heart, not out of sadness or out of necessity
for, God loves a cheerful giver. And God is able to surpass all favor
into you all, so that always you may abound in all while having all
self-sufficiency into the whole good work. Accordingly it has been
written, He dispersed, he gave to the poor. His righteousness
remains into eternity. And who administers, a seed to the one
sowing and bread into meat, will supply and multiply your seed and
will increase the produced things of your righteousness. In all those
who make themselves wealthy in all into all simplicity, whatever
simplicity is achieved through our good favor by God, that the

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ministry of this public service not only is something which fills up

the deficiency of the holy ones, but also is something which
abounds through much good favor by God. Through the test of this
ministry, you hold the opinion [of] God upon your confession's
subjection into the good news of Christ and upon the communion's
simplicity into them and into all, and by their entreaty over your
yearning for yourselves through the overshooting grace of God
upon you all. [May] gratitude [be] to God upon His indescribable
gift.
And I myself, Paul, call you all through the gentleness and
temperance of the Anointed One, Who, on one hand, [was] low
[among] you all before [your] faces, and on the other hand [while
He is] being absent, I have confidence [about] you all. And I ask to
be confident while not being present in confidence by which I think
to dare upon some people who think us as walking according to
flesh. For while walking in flesh, we do not war according to flesh,
for the arms of our campaign are not fleshly but powerful by God
toward the taking down of fortresses while [we] take down plans
and all height [which is] raised up against the knowledge of the

!757

God, and [we] take prisoner all perception into the service of the
Anointed One, and [we] hold in hand to punish all inobedience,
whenever your obedience may be filled.
See the things before [your] faces. If one has persuaded to
himself to be of Christ, may he count this again before himself, that
as he [is] of Christ, thus also [are] we. For both if we may speak
loudly about something more full around our power of which the
Lord gave into the building and not into your destruction, I will not
be ashamed. So that I may not think as to terrify you all through the
letters. That the letters ,on one hand, they say, [were] heavy and
strong, and on the other hand, the presence of the body [was] weak
and the principle contemptible. Such as this may this count, that of
what sort we may be by the principle through letters while being
absent, such as this also while being present by the work.
For we do not dare to make ourselves of the number, or to
compare ourselves to them, which praise themselves: but they do
not understand in themselves while measuring themselves and
comparing themselves to themselves. But we do not boast into the
unmeasurable things, but according to the measure of the

!758

measuring stick, which our God divided to us, to aim also to your
extent. For [it is] not as we may not stretch out beyond measure
while aiming into you all yourselves, for also we came first to you all
to the furthest extent [of your land] in the good news of the Anointed
One, not boasting into the unmeasurable things in another's labors,
and holding hope of your increasing faith to be made great
according to our measuring stick into abundance to announce the
good news into [the lands] beyond you, not to boast in another's
measuring stick into the things at hand. But, May the one who
boasts boast in the Lord. For he who raises himself, that [man] is
acceptable, but whom the Lord raises.
I owed [that] you were lifting up some little senselessness of
mine. But also lift up

[that] of mine. For I am eager in [the]

eagerness of God for you all, for I joined you all in one man to
present a pure virgin for Christ. And I fear that, just as the serpent
deceived Eve in his villainy, your perceptions may be destroyed
from the simplicity and purity of that which is into the Anointed One.
For on one hand, if the one coming announces another Jesus
Whom we did not announce, you take another spirit whom you did

!759

not take, or another goodness which you did not receive, you lift up
beautifully.
For I consider nothing to have made me less than the great
missionaries. And if also one's own by the principle, but not by
knowledge, but in all appearing in all into you all. The one having
done sin lowers himself so that you all are exalted, that do I
announce the gift of the God, the good news, to you all? I striped
off the other churches while taking salary toward your ministry, and,
when I was near you and in need, I was not pressing heavily for
anything. For the brothers filled up my need while having come
from Macedonia, and in all I guarded and will guard you without
burdening myself. There is Christ's Truth in me that the boasting
itself will not be fenced into me in the regions of Akhaia.
Through what? That I do not love you? God knows. And what I
do and will do, so that I may cut off the occasion of those wishing
the occasion, so that [in that] in which they may boast, they may
find just as also we. For those such as these are false missionaries,
crafty workmen, changing [their] figures into apostles of Christ. And
[it is] no wonder. For Satan himself changes himself into a

!760

messenger of light. Thus [it is] not great if also his servants change
forms as servants of righteousness, of whom it will be the end
according to their works.
I speak again, may one not think me to be senseless. And if
indeed not, [then] you accept me as senseless, so that also I may
boast some little. Who speaks, I do speak not according to the Lord
but as in senselessness, in this substance of the boasting. When
may boast according to flesh, I also will boast. For being full of
sense, you pleasantly endure fools. For you endure anyone who is
in service to you, anyone who devours, anyone who receives,
anyone who exalts, and anyone who thrashes you in face.
I speak according to dishonor, as that we have become weak. In
which one dares, I speak in foolishness, I also dare. Are they
Hebrews? Also am I. Are they Israelites? Also am I. Are they sperm
of Abraam? Also am I. Are they servants of Christ? I speak being
less wise, I am more. in many labors, in many jails, in exceeding
strikes, in frequent deaths. By [the] Jews I five times took forty
[lashes] minus one. I was struck by rods three times, once stoned,
three times shipwrecked, night and day I was in the deep sea. [In]

!761

frequent walking, dangers of rivers, dangers of robbers, dangers

out of [my] race, dangers out of nations, dangers in a city, dangers
in solitude, dangers in sea, dangers in false brothers, [in] weariness
and distress, in frequent sleeplessness, in hunger and thirst, in
frequent fasting, in cold and nakedness. Beside the things which
are outward, I am halted daily, [which is] the concern of all of the
Churches. One is weak and am I not? One takes offense, and am I
not inflamed?
If it is necessary to speak boast, I will boast the things of my
weakness. The God and Father of the Lord Jesus, Who is blessed
into the ages, knows that I do not lie. In Damskos, the ethnarch
Areta of the king was guarding the city of the Damaskenes to press
me, and I was let down through a window in a basket through the
wall and fled out of his hands.
It is not expedient for me no doubt to rejoice. But I will come to
visions and revelations of the Lord. I know a man in Christ above
fourteen years, whether in body I do not know, or whither outside
the body I do not know, the God knows. Such as this was taken
then to the third heaven. And I know such a man that, whether in

!762

the body or without the body I do not know, the God knows, was
carried off into the paradise and heard unspoken words which it is
not possible for humans to speak. On behalf of such I will boast,
and on behalf of myself I will not boast if not in the weaknesses.
For if I will desire to boast, I will not be senseless, for I will speak
Truth. And I spare, that one may not think me above that which he
sees me or hears something out of me and by the superiority of the
revelations. So that I may not overflow, a thorn is given to me by
the flesh, a messenger of Satan, so that it may slap me, so that I
may not overflow. Over this three times I asked the Lord so that it
may be absent from me. And He said to me, My favor is sufficient
for you, for the power will fill up in weakness. Thus I will rather
boast gladly in my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may
inhabit upon me. Because I am well pleased in weaknesses, in
hubris, in necessity, in persecutions and narrowness, on behalf of
Christ. For which I am weak, then I am strong.
I have become senseless. You all forced me. For I owed to be
entrusted by you. For I was nothing less of the great missionaries if
also I am nothing. On one hand, the marks of the missionary were

!763

made in you all in all suffering, by marks and wonders and powers.
For is it that you were inferior over the remaining Church, if not that
I myself pressed heavily upon you? Favor me [with] this injustice.
See this third time I readily come to you, and I do not press
heavily. For I do not seek the things of you but [rather] you
[yourselves]. For children do not owe to enrich the parents, but the
parents to the children. And I will gladly spend and will be spent on
behalf of you souls. If I love you exceedingly, am I loved less? And
may it be, I did not weigh on you.
But while [I am] beginning to be ready for wickedness, I took you
all by treachery. Nothing of those whom I have sent off toward you,
through [this act] did I overreach you? I called Titos and sent the
brother with [him]. Did Titos overreach anything [from] you? Did we
not walk in the same Spirit? Not by the same tracks?
Once you thought that we defend ourselves to you? We speak
before God in Christ. And all things, beloved, [are] on behalf of your
structure. For I fear that I desire the sort which I find you all in the
way that I do not come, and also that I am found to you the sort that
you do not desire, not in the way of quarrel, eagerness, will,

!764

factions, slander, whisperings, being puffed up, confusion. Not

again, when I come, my God may lower me toward you, and I will
lament many of those who have sinned and later perceived upon
the foulness and prostitution and licentiousness which they
achieved. This third time I come toward you, Upon a mouth of two
witnesses and three all words will be made to stand. I have said
beforehand and have argued before, while being present a second
time and away now, for those who have sinned and to all others,
that if I come again, I will not spare [you]. When you asked the test
of the speaking of Christ in me, Who is not weak into you but is
powerful in you. For also He was crucified out of weakness, but he
lives out of the power of God. For also we are weak in Him, but we
will live with Him out of the power of God into you.
Make proof yourselves if you are in the faith. Test yourselves. Or
you yourselves do not know that Jesus Christ [is] in you. If [it
shows] nothing, you are unacceptable. And we pray toward God
that he may not make you a bad thing, not so that we may be
shown acceptable, but so that you may make the beautiful, and we
may be unacceptable. For we are not able [to do] anything against

!765

the Truth but on behalf of the Truth. For we rejoice whenever we

may be weak, and you all may be able. This also we pray, your
restoration. Through this I write these things while being absent, so
that when I am present, I may not proclaim [these things] according
to the authority which the Lord gave to me into the building and not
into the destruction.
Rejoice, brothers, over the remaining. Restore. Exhort. Consider
wisely [in] the same [way as each other]. Be in peace. An the God
of love and peace will be with you. Greet one another with a holy
kiss. All the holy ones greet you. The grace of the Lord Jesus the
Anointed and the love of the God and the communion of the Holy
Spirit [be] with everyone of you.

Galatians

Paul, an apostle not from men nor through a man but through
Jesus the Anointed and through God the Father of those who
awoke Him out of the dead, and all the brothers with me, to the
Church of Galatia, favor and peace to you from God the Father and

!766

our Lord Jesus Christ who gave Himself for our sins in such a way
as to choose us out of the present age of evil according to the will
of the God and Father of us, to Whom [is] the belief into the ages of
ages. May it be true.
I wonder that so quickly you are moved into another gospel from
Him, Christ, Who called you in [His] favor. This gospel is not
another gospel if not that there are some who trouble you and wish
to turn you around from the gospel of the Christ. But also, if we or a
messenger out of the preach a gospel to you apart from what we
preached to you, he is to be anathema. As I said previously, and
even now again I say it, if one preaches to you apart from what you
received, he is to be anathema. For even now, I persuade men or
God. I seek to make well. For if I were yet making well to men, I
would not be a slave of Christ. I make it know to you, brothers, the
gospel which is preached by me, the gospel that is not according to
man. For neither did I receive that from men nor did I teach it from
men but through the revelation of Jesus Christ.
For you heard of my conversion when [I was] in Judaism that I
persecuted the Church of God according to extremity and

!767

destroyed it. And I was advancing in Judaism above many

companions in my race, and was very zealous than of the traditions
of my fathers. And when God was pleased, God who separated me
in my mother's womb and called my through His favor, to reveal His
Son in me so that I may preach the good news of Him in the
nations immediately, I did not burden myself with flesh and blood
nor went up into Jerusalem toward those who were missionaries
before me but went away into Arabia and turned again into
Damascus. Then after three years, I went up into Jerusalem to
inquire of Peter and remained with him for fifteen days. And I did
not see another of the missionaries except James the brother of the
Lord.
And these things which I write to you, behold, I write them before
the face of God that I do not lie. Then I came into the coasts of
Syria and Kilikia, and I was unknown in face to the Churches of the
Jews in Christ. And the were hearing only that the one who
persecuted us before non preaches the faith of the good news
which before he destroyed. And they consented belief to God in
me.

!768

Then fourteen years later, I went up into Jerusalem with

Barnabas and took with me Titus. And I went up according to the

revelation and laid up to them the gospel which I preach in the
nations but according to privacy to those [of importance] so that I
do not run nor have run into emptiness. But not even Titus who was
with me was forced to be circumcised [since] he was Greek. But
because of the false brothers brought in who entered to look at our
freedom which we have in Christ Jesus so that they may enslave
us. Nor to whom we did yield in submission for a moment so that
the truth of the Gospel may remain toward us. And from those of
importance, what they were is nothing to me, [for] God does not
carry the face of man through. He does not not receive it. For those
of [importance] are not burdensome to me. But they seeing
opposite that we have believed the gospel of the uncircumcised just
as Peter with the circumcised, for He who worked through Peter
into mission work of the circumcised also worked in me into the
nation, and knowing the favor given to me, James, Peter, and John
[who were] to be the [important] pillars gave the right hand of
communion to me and Barnabas so that we [may go] into the

!769

nations and they into the circumcised, only that we remember the
beggars, the very thing I was eager to do.
But when Peter came into Antioch, I opposed him to his face
because he was examined. For before some came from James, he
was eating with the nations. But when they came, he withdrew and
separated himself fearing those of the circumcision. And the other
Jews pretended to him so that also Barnabas was lead away with
them by their hypocrisy. But when I saw that they did not follow
correctly toward the truth of the gospel, I said to Peter in front of all,
If you are a Jew and live as one of the nation and not as a Jew, why
do you force the nations to be Jews? We are Jews by nature and
not sinners out of the nations.
Seeing that a man is not made righteous out of works of law if
not through faith of Jesus Christ, we also believed into Christ Jesus
so that we are made righteous out of faith of Christ and not out of
works of law because all flesh will not be made righteous out of
works of law. And if, while seeking to be made righteous in Christ,
we ourselves are also found to be sinners, is Christ a minister of
sin? May it never be! For if I build again those things which I

!770

destroyed, I stand myself as a transgressor For I died through law

by law so that I may live by God. I have been crucified with Christ.
And I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. And in that I now live in
flesh, I live in faith in the son of God who loved me and gave
himself over for me. I do not negate the favor of God. For if
righteousness [is] through law, why did Christ die as a gift?
Oh mindless Galatians, who bewitched you that you do not obey
the truth, you to whom Jesus Christ was described as crucified
amongst you before you eyes? This alone I desire to learn from
you: did you receive the Spirit out of works of law or out of hearing
faithfully? Thus you are mindless. You began in the Spirit and are
now fulfilled in the flesh. You have suffered so many things in vain?
If so, then it also is vain. Thus he who supplies to you the Spirit and
works powerful things among you, [is this] out of works of law or out
of hearing faithfully?
Even as Abraham believed in God and it was considered to him
in righteousness. Do you know that those are sons of Abraham out
of faith? And the writing looked ahead that the righteous out of faith
[are] the nations. God announced to Abraham that, All the nation

!771

will be blessed in you. Thus are they blessed out of faith with the
faith of Abraham? For as many as are out of works of law, they are
under a curse. For it has been written, Cursed [are] all who do not
remain in all that which is written in the Bible of the law which that
they may do them. But that no one is made righteous in law beside
God. [It is] clear that the righteous will live out of faith. And the law
is not out of faith. Rather, the man who made them will live in them.
Christ led us out of the curse of law. He became a curse over us.
For it has been written, Cursed are all who hang on a tree. [This is]
so that the blessing of Abraham would be into the nations in Christ
Jesus, so we may receive that the preaching of the Spirit through
faith.
Brothers, I speak according to man, just as no one negates or
adds to the covenant of man which has been preached. And the
promises were preached to Abraham and to his sperm. He does not
say, And to the sperms, as upon many but as upon one, And to
your sperm, who is Christ. And I say this: [the law] cannot cancel
the covenant preached beforehand by God into Christ which the
law had made 430 years after that the promise [is made to be]

!772

empty. For you are inheritance of the law is no longer out of law but
out of promise. And God has favored Abraham through the
promise. Why then does the law transgress the favor and extremely
deliver that of which the seed came, to whom it promised and
appointed through messengers in the hand of a mediator? But a
mediator is not of one. But God is one. Thus may the law not
become against the promises of God. For if a law had been given
which had the power to give live, thus the righteous would righteous
be out of law.
But the writing has enclosed all under sin so that the promise
was given out of faith of Jesus the Anointed to those who believe.
But we were keeping guard by law on behalf of the coming of faith.
We have been enclosed into the coming faith to be revealed. As
such the law became our guardian into Christ so that we may be
made righteous out of faith. And no longer are we under a guardian
because of the coming of the faith. For you are all sons of God
through faith in Christ Jesus. For as many of you that have been
baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. There is
neither Jew nor Greek no slave nor freeman nor male nor female.

!773

For you all are one in Christ Jesus. And if you are of Christ, are you
the sperm of Abraham and the inheritance according to a promise?
And I say, The inheritance is a child upon so long a time that
nothing differs of a servant, [although] he is lord of all. But he is
under guardians and house-managers until the time appointed by
the father. Thus also we, when we were children, were enslaved
under the clocks of the world. And when the fullness of time came,
God sent out His son Who was born under law and out of a woman
so that He may buy up those under law so that we may receive
placement as sons. You are sons. God sent out the Spirit of His
Son into your hearts. The Spirit cries, Abba, the Father! Thus you
are no longer a slave but a son. You are a son and the inheritance
of God through Christ.
But on one hand, when you knew God, you were enslaved to
them which are not gods by nature. And on the other hand, now
you knew God, or rather were known by God, how have you turned
again upon the weak and impoverished clock to whom you wish to
enslave again from the beginning? You observe days, months,
times, and years. I fear for you so that I did not labor tiresomely into

!774

you in vain. Be as I am because I also am as you all, brothers. I

need nothing from you. You wronged me.
And you see that I preached to you in the beginning through
weakness of flesh. And you did not negate my trial in my flesh nor
did you spit at [me], you accepted me as a messenger of God [or]
as Christ Jesus. What then was your blessing? For I witness to you
that if you had been able, you would have pulled out your eyes so
that you may give them to me. Thus I have become your enemy
while telling you the truth. They are jealous over you [in a way that
is] not good. But they desire to exclude you all so that you may be
jealous of them. But it is good to always be jealous in the beautiful
and not only when I am present with you all. My children, for whom
I again have childbirth pains to the extreme, Christ is not formed in
you. But I desired to be present with you all even [now] and to
change my voice that I may examine you.
Tell me, those who desire to be under the law, do you not hear
the law? For it has been written, that Abraham had two sons. one
out of the slave and one out of the free woman. But on one hand,
the one from the slave was born according to flesh, and on the

!775

other hand, the one born of the free woman was born through the
promise. These things are an allegory. For they are the two
covenants. On one hand, one away from Mount Sinai, this Hagar
who gave birth into bondage. For Hagar is Mount Sinai in Arabia.
And it is now next to Jerusalem. And it serves with her children. But
Jerusalem from above is free. Such is the mother of us all. For it
has been written, You are to be made glad, barren wombs which do
not bear. Break open and cry, those that do not suffer [birth] pain,
that [there are] many children of the barren rather than those who
have a man. And we, brothers, are the children of promise
according to Isaac. But just as then, the one born according to flesh
persecuted the one born according to Spirit. Thus also now. But
what does the writing say? Put out the slave and her son. For the
son of the slave is not the inheritance with the son of the free
woman. Brothers, we are not children of the slave but of the free
woman.
Therefore, stand in the freedom by which Christ freed us, and do
not be held again by the yoke of slavery. Behold, I, Paul, say to you
that if you be circumcised, Christ does not help you. And I witness

!776

again to all mankind who has been circumcised that he is a debtor

to do the whole law. You are negated away from Christ, you who
are made righteous in law. You are fallen from [God's] favor. For we
anxiously and by righteousness await the hope for the Spirit out of
faith. For in Christ Jesus, neither is circumcision strong nor
uncircumcision but faith working through love. You were running
beautifully. Who pushed you back that you may not obey the Truth?
The obedience is not out of Him who calls you. A small leaven
leavens the whole lump. I have been persuaded into you all in the
Master that you think no other thing, and the one troubling you all
will raise judgment, whoever he may be. And I, brothers, if I still
preach circumcision, why am I persecuted? Is the scandal of the
cross negated? They ought to be cut off who carry you off. For you
may escape notice, brothers, upon freedom. Only not the freedom
into the origin for the flesh, you were made free through love to one
another. For the whole law if filled in one principle, in that you love
your neighbor as yourself. And if you bite and devour one another,
see that you are not spent entirely by one another.

!777

 And I say by the Spirit, walk and do not fill [your] will of the flesh.
For the flesh desires against the Spirit and the Spirit against the
flesh. And these things oppose one another so that you do the
things you do not wish. And if you are led by [the] Spirit, you are not
under law. But the dishonorable works of the flesh are manifest.
They are adultery, fornication, dirtiness, licentiousness, idolatry,
[meaningless] drugs, hatred, inquiries, jealousy, desire, ambition,
schism, heresies, ill-will, murder, alcohol, partying, and similar
things for which I told you before, just as also I spoke beforehand,
that those who do these things will not inherit the kingdom of God.
And the fruit of the Spirit are love, joy, peace, great will, [that is,
to be able to suffer a long time,] rectitude, being together with
goodness, faith, gentleness, and mastery according to such things
which are not law. And these crucified the flesh of Christ with the
misfortunes and the desires. May we not become vainglorious to
one another while calling and bearing ill-will to one another.
Brothers, if a man is taken in some false step, you all, being
spiritual, are to restore such a one in the a spirit of gentleness. [As
individuals,] see yourselves that you may not be put on trial. Raise

!778

up the weights of one another and thus fill up the law of the
Anointed One. For if someone seems to be something, He
deceives himself [because] he is nothing. And may each test his
work, and then he will have a single boast into himself and not into
the other. For each will cary his own weight.
But the one who is being instructed, may he have in common the
word with the instructor in the whole truth. May you not deceived.
God is not sneered at. For if a man plants something, then he will
harvest it. [Therefore] the one who plants into his flesh will harvest
ruin out of the flesh. And the one who plants into the Spirit will
harvest eternal life out of the Spirit. And they do the beautiful. May
we not grow weary. For we who are not [yet] set free will harvest in
[each's] own time. Thus, while we have time, may we work the
good at all things and the the most extremely at the household of
the faithful.
See with what great writing with my hand I wrote to you all. As
many as desire to make a good show in the flesh, they force you all
to only be cut so that they may not be persecuted for the cross of
the Anointed One. For neither do those circumcised guard law

!779

themselves, but they desire you all to be circumcised so that in they

may speak loudly in your flesh. But may it not be to me to speak
loudly if not in the cross of our Master Jesus the Anointed through
whom the world has been crucified to me and I to the world. For in
Christ Jesus, neither is circumcision strong about anything nor
uncircumcision but a new foundation [of creation].
And as many as may be draw up in a battle line, may peace and
mercy be upon them and upon the Israel of God. May no one of the
remainder be handed over to me [for grief]. For I raise up the
tattoos of Jesus Christ in my body. Brothers, may the favor of the
Master of us, Jesus Christ, be with your spirit. May it be so.

Ephesians

Paul, a missionary of Jesus the Anointed, through the will of God,

for the saints who are in Ephesos and the faithful in the Anointed
Jesus, grace to you all and peace from God the Father of us and
the Master Jesus the Anointed.

!780

Blessed by the God and Father of our Master Jesus the

Anointed, who blessed us in all blessings of the Spirit in the

heavens in the Anointed One, according to how He chose us in
Himself before the foundation of the world to be us the saints and
blameless before the face of Him in love, having pre-marked us into
the adoption as sons through Jesus the Anointed One into Himself,
according to the approval of His will, into the praise of glory of His
favor of which He showed favor to us in his act of loving, in which
we hold the ransoming through His blood, the release of the
blunders, according the the wealth of His favor which abounded
into us, in all wisdom and prudence, having made known to us the
mystery of His will, according to His approval which He set before
in himself into the house-management of the completion of the
times, to recapitulate all things in Christ, the things upon the
heavens and upon the earth in Him, in Whom also we were chosen,
predestined according to the proposition of the energizing all things
according to the council of His will, so that we may be into the
praise of His glory, who hoped before hand in Christ, in Whom also
you all head the principle of the Truth, the good news of your

!781

salvation, in which also those having believed were stamped by the

Spirit of the promise for the Holy One, Who is a pledge of our
inheritance, into the redemption of the acquisition,into the praise of
His glory.
Through that I also was hearing your faith in the Lord Jesus and
the love into all the holy ones, and I do not pause while giving
thanks, making on your remembrance upon my prayers, so that the
God of our Lord Jesus the Anointed, the Father of the glory, may
give to you a spirit of wisdom and of revelation in recognition of
Him,[that] the eyes of your understanding may be lightened, that
you may know what the hope is of his calling, and what the riches
of his glorious inheritance [is] in the Saints, and what may be the
overshooting magnitude of His power into us who believed
according to the energy of the rule of His strength, which also
energized in Christ, having awakened Him out of the dead and
made Him to sit at His right hand in the heavens, being above all
rule and authority and power and opinion and all name which is
named, not only in this age but also in the one to come. And, He
put into submission all things under His feet, and gave Him [as]

!782

head over all the Church, which is His body, the complement of the
completing of all things in all things.
And you all being dead to the blunders and to your sins, in which
when you walked according to the age of this world, according to
the founding of the authority of the lower air, of the Spirit of the
current energizing in the sons of the Truth, in which also the whole
of us overturned when in the desires of our flesh, while doing the
will of the flesh and of the thoughts, and we were children of anger
by nature as also the remainder. And God, being wealthy in mercy,
through His much love [by] which He loved us, and being dead by
blunders, He made us alive by Christ - you are saved by grace and He assembled and made to sit together in the heavens in
Christ Jesus, so that he may show the overshooting wealth of His
favor in the coming age in goodness upon us in Christ Jesus.
For you are having been saved by grace through faith. And this is
not out of you all, [but it is] a gift of God. Not out of works, so that
one may not boast. For we are His workmanship, created in Christ
Jesus upon the good works which God prepared, so that we may
walk in them.

!783

 Because you remember when [in time past] you were nations in
flesh, you who speak uncircumcision by those who speak
circumcision made by hands in flesh, that you were without Christ
in that time, being alienated by the citizenship of Israel and being
foreigners of the covenants of the promise, not holding hope and
being without God in the world, but now you [are] in Christ Jesus,
you who when you [were] being far away, became near in the blood
of Christ.
For He is our hope, Who made both [groups into] one and
loosened a partition wall of fencing, the hatred in His flesh, having
emptied the law of the commands in dogma, so that he may found
the two in Himself into one new man and may reconcile the both in
one body for God through the cross, having killed the hatred in
Himself. And having come to you, He announced the good news
[of] peace, the peace for the far away and for the near, that through
Him we both have the access in one Spirit toward the Father.
Thus no longer you are foreigners and are living near but you are
fellow citizens of the holy ones and are of the same family of God,
having been built up upon the foundation of the missionaries and

!784

prophets, Christ Jesus Himself being the cornerstone, in Whom the

whole building which is being fit together rises in a holy temple in
he Lord, in Whom also you are built together into a dwelling place
of God in the Spirit.
The favor of this, I Paul [am] the prisoner of Jesus Christ for you
nations - if at any rate you heard the house-management of the
favor of God which is given to me into you, that the mystery is
made known to me according to the revelation, according to how I
wrote beforehand in brief, toward what you are able to perceive
while making known my union in the mystery of Christ, which it is
not made known to other races to the sons of the men as now was
revealed to His holy missionaries and prophets in the Spirit, [that]
the nations to be common inheritors and a common body and
common sharers of the promise in Christ Jesus through the good
news, of whom the minister became according to the gift of the
favor of God of that which is given to me according to the energy of
His power.
This favor is given to me, the least of all the holy ones, to preach
to the nations the good news, the unsearchable wealth of Christ

!785

and to illumine all who are the house-management of the mystery

having been hidden from the ages in God [in] the whole of creation,
so that it may be made known now to the rule and authority in the
heavens through the Church which is the multi-formed wisdom of
God, according to the proposition of the ages which was made in
Christ Jesus our Lord, in Whom we hold the freespokenness and
access in confidences through his faith. On behalf of what I seek
that you may not be deficient in my afflictions on behalf of you,
which is your glory.
I bend my knees to the father on behalf of this favor, out of which
all paternity in the heavens and upon the earth are named, so that
He may give power to you according to the wealth of His glory to be
strength through His Spirit into the interior man, to live in Christ
through the faith in your hearts, having taken root and been
founded in love, so that you may have strength to comprehend
with all the saints what is the width and length and height and
depth, to know also the over-abounding love of the knowledge of
Christ, so that you may be filled into all the fullness of God.

!786

 And to His Who is able to do super-abundantly beyond all things

of which we seek or know according to the power energized in us,
to Him [be] all consent of belief in the Church and in Christ Jesus
into all the generations of the ages of the ages. Let it be so.
Thus I exhort [you], I who am bound in the Master, that you may
walk worthily of the vocation of which you are called, with all
humility and mildness, with a large will, holding up each other in
love, being eager to guard the unity of the Spirit in the binding of
peace. One body and on spirit, accordingly also you are called in
one hope of your vocation. One Master, one faith, one baptism, one
God and Father of all, upon all and through all and in all.
And in each of us, the favor was given according to the measure
of the gift of the Anointed One. For what reason it says, Ascending
into the height, you were captured [into] captivity. He gave gifts to
men. But what is [the ascension], if not that also He descended into
the lower parts of the earth? The One Who descends himself is
also ascending over all the skies, so that all things may be filled.
And He gave the missionaries and prophets and preachers of
good news and shepherds and teacher, toward the instruction of

!787

the saints into a work of service, into the structure of the body of the
Anointed One, as far as we may arrive who are holly into the unity
of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, into the
complete man, into the measure of the age of the fulfillment of the
Anointed One, so that no longer may we be children, tossed about
like waves and carried around by all wind of the instruction in the
fallacy of men, in all works toward the circumvention of the
wandering, and we grow while making Truth in Love into [that Love
through] all things, [the Love] Who is the Head, Christ, out of Whom
all the Body, being fitted and fastened together through the whole
joint of the supply according to [His] energy in measure of each one
of a portion of the body, is made [into] the increase into the
structure of Himself in love. Thus I speak this and I witness in the
Master, so that you may no longer walk according to how the
nations also walk in vanity of their mind. They are having been
blinded by the perception, alienated of the life of God through the
ignorance of that which is in them, through the blindness of their
heart, Whosoever, having ceased to suffer pain, has given

!788

themselves over to the licentiousness in to the work of all

uncleanness in avarice.
But you all thus did not learn the Christ, if indeed you heard Him
and were taught in Him, according to how there is Truth in Jesus, to
put away yourselves according to the former mode of life, the old
man which is destroyed according to the will of the fraud, and to be
renovated by the Spirit of the mind of you all and to be clothed with
the new man which is according to God, created in righteousness
and piety of the Truth.
For what reason you put away the lie, you each speak Truth with
his neighbor, that we are the limbs of one another. Be angry and do
not sin. May the sun not set upon your anger, nor may you give a
place for the Devil. Who steals, may he no longer steal, but rather
may he work to exhaustion, working the Good by his own hands, so
that he may hold to give a part to him holding need. May the whole
of the rancid principle out of the mouth of you all be forced out, but
any good toward the building of need, so that it may give favor to
those who hear. And do not grieve the Holy Breath of God, in
Whom you were sealed into the day of redemption.

!789

 May the whole of bitterness and anger and indignation and

clamor and blasphemy be carried away from you all with the whole
of evil. But become benign into one another, with a healthy heart,
giving favor to [one another], according to how also God gave favor
to you all in Christ.
Thus become imitators of God as beloved children and walk in
love, according to how also Christ loved us and gave himself over
on behalf of our offering and the sacrifice to God into the odor of a
sweet smell.
But [as for] fornication, all uncleanness, and avarice, may it be
not named in you, according to how it is suitable for the saints, and
[also] shame and moronic talk and bad humor, which are not
suitable, but rather activity of gratitude. For you have seen this,
knowing that all who fornicate or are unclean or avaricious, who is a
worshiper of things seen, does not have inheritance in the kingdom
of Christ and of God. May no one cheat you by empty words. For
through these the anger of God is worked upon the sons of the
disobedience. Thus do not become partakers with them. For at one
time, you were being darkness, but now [you are] Light in the

!790

Master. Walk as children of Light - For the fruit of the Light [is] in all
goodness and righteousness and Truth - thinking something is wellpleasing to the Master, and do not share in the barren works of the
darkness, abut rather also refute [them]. For it is shame even to
speak of the things which are done by them in secret, and all the
things are manifest which are being refuted by the Light, for all
Light is manifested, for which reason it says, Rise, Who is asleep,
and stand up out of the dead, and Christ will illumine you.
Thus see exactly how you walk no as unwise but as wise, buying
up the time, that the days are grievous. Trough this, do not become
without prudence, but understand the will of the Master. And do not
be inebriated by wine, in which is wastefulness, but be filled in the
Spirit, speaking to [one another] in psalms and hymns and spiritual
songs, singing songs and hymns by the heart of you all to the
Master, giving thanks always on behalf of all in the name of our
Master Jesus Christ for the God and Father, subjecting one another
in fear of Christ.
The women [are to subject themselves] to their own men as to
the Master, that a man is the head of the woman as also [is] Christ

!791

head of the Church, the salvation salvation himself of the body. The
men, love the women, according to how also Christ loved the
Church and gave over himself on behalf of it, so that he may make
it holy, cleaning it by the bath of water in speech, so that he may
present to himself as an honorable Church, not having stain or
wrinkle or something of such kind, but so that it may be holy and
immaculate Thus also the men ought to love their women as their
own bodies. The one who loves his woman loves himself. For no
one ever hated his flesh but nourishes it and warms it, according to
how Christ [does to] the Church, that we are limbs of His body.
Because of this, a man will leave his father and mother and be
glued toward his woman, and they will become tow into one flesh.
This mystery is great. And I speak into Christ and into the Church.
Except also you all being according to one, may each thus love his
woman as himself, and may the woman fear the man.
Children, obey your parents in the Master. For this is right. Honor
your father rand your mother, which is the first commandment in
promise, so that it may be well to you an you may be of an old age
upon the earth.

!792

 And fathers, do not cause your children to anger, but rear them
up in education and admonition of the Master.
The slaves, obey the masters according to flesh with fear and
trembling in simplicity of the heart of you all as to Christ, not serving
according to the eyes as being pleasing to men but as slaves of
christ, doing the will of God out of soul, serving with a good will as
to the Master and not to men, knowing that whatsoever good thing
any man does that same shall he receive of the Lord, whether he
be bond or free.
And masters, do these things toward them, putting away threats,
knowing that also the Master is [Master] of them and of you in the
skies, and there is not acceptance of persons beside Him.
Of the remainder, be strengthened in the Master and in the
power of His strength. Put on the armor of God toward the
strengthening of yourselves to stand against the snares of the
Devil, that there is not conflict to us against blood and flesh but
against principalities, against authorities, against the the rulers of
this world of this darkness, against the spiritual of the wickedness in
the skies. Through this, take up armor of God, so that you may be

!793

able to stand against in the wicked day and to stand after you have
worked all things. Thus stand, having girded your loins in Truth, and
having put on the breastplate of righteousness and having been
bound [at your] feet in readiness of the good news of the peace, in
all taking up the shield of faith, in which you are able to extinguish
all the fiery arrows of the evil one. And receive the helmet of the
salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the speech of God.
Through all prayer and supplication in all times in the Spirit, and
keeping vigil into that in all perseverance and entreaty concerning
all of the saints and on behalf of me, so that the principle may be
given to me in the opening of my mouth, to make known the
mystery of the good news in frankness, on behalf of which I am an
ambassador in chains, so that in it I may speak frankly as it is
necessary for me to speak.
And so that you also may know the things according to me, what
I do, Tykhikos the beloved brother and faithful deacon in the Master
will make all things known to you. I sent him toward you into this
same thing, so that you may know the things concerning us and
may exhort your hearts.

!794

 Peace to the brothers and love with faith from God the father and
Master Jesus Christ. The favor with all of those who love our
Master Jesus Christ in incorruption.

Philippians

Paul and Timotheos, slaves of Christ Jesu, to all the saints in

Christ Jesus who are in Philippos with the bishops and deacons,
favor to you and peace from God the father of us and the Master
Jesus Christ.
I give thanks to my God upon all memory of you, always in all my
prayer on behalf of you all, with joy making the prayer, upon your
communion into the good news from the first day until now, having
been persuaded of this same thing, that Who began a good work in
you will complete it at the day of Jesus Christ. Accordingly, it is right
to me to think this on behalf of the whole of you through the holding
me in your heart, and in my chains and in the defense and
confirmation of the good news, the whole of you are sharers of my
favor. For God is my witness as I yearn after the whole of you in the

!795

inner parts of Christ Jesus. And this I pray, so that your love yet
rather and rather may grow in knowledge and all perception, so that
you may allow those things which are best, so that you may be
pure and without offense, until the day of Christ, having been filled
with the fruit of righteousness through Jesus Christ into the glory
and praise of God.
And I wish to know you, brothers, that the things concerning me
have come rather into [the] progress of the good news, so that my
bonds have become manifest in the whole Praetorium and in all the
remainder, and more of the brothers have been made bold by my
bonds to speak the principle abundantly and without fear. On one
hand, some also through ill-will and contention have announced the
Anointed One, and on the other hand, some also through good will.
On one hand, those out of love, knowing that I am lain into the
defense of the good news, but on the other hand, those out of ill-will
impurely preach the Anointed One, thinking to awaken affliction to
my bonds. For what? More that in the whole way, whether by
pretense of by truth, Christ is preached, and in that I rejoice. But
also I will rejoice, for I know that this will come forth into salvation

!796

through your prayer and supply of the Spirit of Jesus the Anointed
according to my earnest expectation and hope, that in nothing I will
be made ashamed but in all frankness as always and now Christ
will be made great in my mouth, whether through life or through
death. For to me, living [is] Christ and dying [is] profit. And if to live
in flesh, this to me [is] a fruit of a work, and I will seize something I
do not make known. And I am held together out of the two, holding
the desire into the to be loosened and to be with Christ, which is
better than all. And to remain in the flesh [is] more indispensable
through you. And I have been persuaded of this: I know that I will
remain and will continue to all of you into your progress and joy of
the faith, so that your boasting may abound in Christ Jesus in me
through my coming again to you.
Be citizens only as worthy of the goodness of the Anointed one,
so that whether coming and seeing you all or whether being
present I hear the things concerning you all, that you stand in one
spirit, one soul, laboring together by faith of the good news and not
being afraid in anything by the adversaries, whatever is to an
indication to them of destruction but of your salvation and this from

!797

God, that to you it is given by Christ, not only that into the belief of
Him but also to suffer by Him, holding the same fight which you saw
in me and now you hear in me.
Thus if there is some consolation in Christ, if some solace of
love, is some communion of the Spirit, if some heart and
compassions, fill my joy so that you may be prudent in the same,
holding the same love, being of the same soul, being prudent in
one, nothing according to hired work nor according vanity but by
humility judging each other to be higher than themselves, each not
looking to the things of themselves but also to the things of the
others.
Be prudent in you concerning this which also in Christ Jesus,
Who, being in the form of God, did not judge it robbery to be equals
to God, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a slave, becoming
in the likeness of man, and having been found in the schema as a
man, He lowered Himself, becoming a listener as far as death, but
a death of a cross. Because of that, also God exalted Him and gave
the name to him, the name above all, so that in the name of Jesus,
all will genuflect, [all] upon the skies and upon the earth and below

!798

the ground, and all tongues will confess, that Jesus Christ is the
Master into the consent of belief of God the Father.
Thus, my beloved, always be accordingly obedient, not as in my
presence alone but now in much rather in my absence. Greatly
work the salvation of yourselves with fear and trembling. For God
is, who also energizing in you both to be willing and the energizing
on behalf of [His] good pleasure.
Do all things without muttering and hesitation, so that you may
become blameless and pure, children of God, blameless in the
middle of a crooked and twisted generation, in which you appear as
lanterns in the world, holding firmly the principle of life, into my
boast into the day of Christ, that I neither neither ran nor labored to
exhaustion into an empty thing. But if also I make a libation upon
the sacrifice and liturgy of your faith, I rejoice and co-rejoice for you
all. And you both rejoice and co-rejoice the same for me.
And I hope in the Master Jesus to quickly send Timotheos to you,
so that I also may be of good soul, having known the things
concerning you all. For I hold no one of equal soul, whoever may
be legitimately anxious for the things concerning you. For all those

!799

seek the things of themselves, not the things of Jesus Christ. But
know His test, that as a child of a father, he served with me into the
good news. Thus on one hand, I hope to send him so that I may
see at once the things concerning me. And I have confidence in the
Master that also I myself will come quickly.
And I judged [it to be] necessary to send to you Epaphrodios, my
brother, co-worker, and co-soldier, and your missionary and liturgy
of my need, when he was yearning after and was sorely troubled
for the whole of you, because you heard that he was sick. For also
he was sick all the way up to death, but the God had mercy on him,
and not only him but also me, so that I may not have sadness upon
sadness. Thus I sent him more quickly, so that seeing him again,
you may rejoice and I may be more without pain. Thus I may
receive him favorably in the Master with all joy and may hold the
honorable things such as these, that through the work of Christ as
far as death, he approached into ruin while handing over his soul,
so that He may fill up your deficiency to me of the liturgy.
Rejoice in the Master concerning the rest, my brothers. [It is] not
troublesome but secure for me to write the same things to you. See

!800

the do, see the workers of evil, see the mutilation. For we are the
circumcision, those serving and boasting in Christ Jesus by the
Spirit of God and not being confident in flesh. If another one seems
to be confident in flesh, I more. Eight days old by circumcision, out
of the race of Israel, of the tribe of Beniamin, a Hebraios out of
Hebraioi, a Pharisaios according to the law, a pursuer of the Church
according to zeal, having become blameless according to
righteousness which is in the law. But whatever things were profit to
me , these I judged [to be] loss through the Christ. But yet I judge
all things to be loss through the eminence of the knowledge of
Christ Jesus my Master, through Whom I made a loss and judged
[to be] excrement, so that I may gain the Profit [Who is] Christ and
may find in Him, that I may not hold my righteousness which is out
of law but through faith of Christ, that righteousness out of God
upon the faith, to know Him and the power of His resurging and the
communion of His suffering, conforming to His death, if in what way
I may arrive into the outward resurging which is out of the dead.
Not that I already took [the resurrection] or I have already been
made complete, and I pursue if also I may [at any time] seize [it],

!801

just as also I am seized by Christ Jesus. Brother, I do not judge

myself to have seized [it]. And [there is] one thing, forgetting the
things which are backward but extending to the things in front, I
pursue the aim into the prize of the higher vocation of the God in
Christ Jesus. Thus as many as [are perfect], we may be prudent of
this. And if you are prudent of something of the other, the God will
also reveal this to you. Nevertheless, into what we first arrived at,
by the same may we walk.
Become co-imitatores of me, brothers, and observe the those
walking in this way according to how you hold us, the model. For
many walk as the enemies of the cross of the Christ, those about
whom I often were speaking to you and now also speak while
wailing, those of whom a destruction [is] perfection, of whom the
God [is] the stomach, and the glory [is] in their shame, those being
prudent concerning the earthly things. For our citizenship comes
into being in the skies, the citizenship out of what also we may
anticipate the Savior the Master Jesus the Anointed One, Who will
change the schema of the body of our humility [to be] the same
form for the body of His glory according to the energy, by which He

!802

may be able also to subject all things to Himself. Thus, my beloved

and desired brothers, my joy and crown, thus stand in the Master,
beloved.
I exhort Euodia and Syntuxe to be of the same prudence in the
Master. Yes, I ask also you, legitimate yoke-fellow, help those
women who came to me in the good news with Clement and the
rest of my co-workers whose names [are] in the book of life.
Always rejoice in the Master. Again I ask, rejoice. May your
modesty be known to all men. The Master [is] near. Be anxious for
nothing, but in everything by prayer and entreaty with gratitude,
your requests are to be known toward God. And the peace of God
which surpasses all perception will guard your hearts and
understandings in Christ Jesus.
Concerning the rest, brothers, whatever is good, whatever is of
awe, whatever is righteous, whatever is pure, whatever is
cherished, whatever is of a good omen, if some goodness and if
some praise, think on these things, which also you learned and
received and heard and saw in me. Do these things. And the God
of peace will be with you.

!803

 And I greatly rejoiced in the Master that already you sprouted up

to have prudence concerning me, upon which also you were being
prudent, but you were lacking opportunity. I do not speak that
according to need, for I learned in which things I am to be selfsufficient. I know also to be humbled. I know also to exalt. I have
been taught everywhere and in all things not only to be fattened but
also to be hungry and abounding and needy. I am strong for all
things in Him Who enables me.
Nevertheless, you did well when you communicated [with me] for
my affliction. But know that also you, Philippians, that in the
beginning of the good news, when I departed from Macedonia, not
one church communicated to me into the principle of giving and
accepting if not you alone, that also in Thessalonika both once and
twice, you sent to me according to [my] need. Not that I seek the
gift, but that I seek the fruit which is more than enough into your
principle. And I accepted all things and [now] abound. I have been
filled after I received from Epaphroditos the things from you, the
odor of a sweet smell, an acceptable offering, well-pleasing to God.
And my God will fill all of your needs according to His wealth in the

!804

glory in Christ Jesus. And [may] the glory [be] to God and our
Father into the ages of ages. Let it be so.
Greet all the saints in Christ Jesus. The brothers with me great
you. All the saints greet you, and most of all those out of Caesar.
[May] the favor of the Master Jesus Christ [be] with your spirit.

Kolossaians

Paul, a missionary of Christ Jesus through the will of God, and

Timotheos the brother, to those in Kolossai, the holy and faithful
brothers in Christ, favor to you and peace from God our Father.
We always give thanks to God the Father of our Lord Jesus
Christ concerning you when we pray, [because] we hear about your
faith in Christ Jesus and the love which you hold into all the saints
through the hope which is laid away for you in the skies, which you
head about before in the principle of the Truth of the good news
present among you, according to how also in all the world, there is
fruit bearing and growth according to how also [there is] in you,
away from which day you heard and observed the favor of God in

!805

Truth. Accordingly, you heard from Epaphras of the love of our coslave, who is faithful concerning us, a minister of Christ, Who also
makes your love visible to us in the Spirit.
Through this we also, form the day of which we heard [of it], do
not cease praying on behalf of you and asking, so that you may be
filled with the knowledge of the will of Him in all wisdom and
Spiritual intellect, so that you may walk worthily of the Lord through
the whole of pleasing [Him], bearing fruit in the whole good work
and growing in the knowledge of God, while being empowered in all
power according to the authority of His glory into all endurance and
long-suffering, giving thanks with joy to the Father, Who has mad us
sufficient into the portion of the inheritance of the holy in the Light,
Who snatched us out of the authority of the darkness and placed us
into the kingdom of the Son of His love, in Whom we have the
redemption, the remission of the sins, Who is the icon of God the
invisible, the first-born of all creations, that in Him all things were
created in the skies and upon the earth, the seen and the unseen,
whether thrones or dominions or institutions of rule or authorities.
All things were created through Him and into Him, and He is before

!806

all and all come together, and He is the Head of the body of the
Church, Who is the rule, the first-born out of the dead, so that being
first, He came about in all, that in Him all fullness was pleased to
dwell and to reconcile all things into Him, making peace through the
blood of His cross, Through Him whether the things upon the earth
or the things in the skies.
And you [were] strangers and enemies in mind in the evil works,
but now He reconciled [you] in the body of His flesh through the
death to present you holy and blameless and without reproach
before His face, if yet you remain in the faith, having been founded
and sitting and not shifting away from the hope of the good news
which you heard which is preached in all creation under the sky, of
which I became a minister.
Now I rejoice in the sufferings on behalf on you, and I fill up the
shortcomings of the afflictions of Christ in my flesh on behalf of His
body, which is the Church, of which I became a minister according
to the house-management of God, which was given to me into you
so that I amy fill up the principle of god, the mystery which has
been hidden from the ages and from the generations, but now

!807

appeared to His holy ones, to whom God willed to make known

what [is] the Wealth of the glory of this mystery in the nations,
Which is Christ in you, the Hope of the glory, Whom we preach
while putting all men in mind and while teaching all men in all
wisdom, so that we may show all men [to be] complete in Christ,
into Whom also I work and strive for a prize according to His
energy, the energizing in me in power.
For I wish you all to know how great an anxiety I have on behalf
of you and of those in Laodikiea, and for those who have not seen
me face to face in the flesh, so that their hearts may be comforted
and instructed in love and into all wealth of the certainty of the
intellect, into the knowledge of the mystery of God, Christ, in Whom
are hidden all treasures of wisdom and knowledge. I say this, so
that no one may cheat you in persuasive arguments. For though I
am away in flesh, I am present in spirit with you, rejoicing and
seeing your arrangement and firmness of your faith into Christ.
Thus as you received Christ Jesus the Master, walk in Him, rooted
and built in Him and confirmed by faith according to how you were
taught, abounding in thanksgiving.

!808

 See that one may not be one who carries you off as plunder
through philosophy and empty deceit according to the tradition of
men, according to the elements of the words and not according to
Christ, that in Him all fulness of the divinity bodily dwells, and you
are having been filled in Him, Who is the Head of all rule and
authority, in Whom also you were circumcised by circumcision not
made by hands in the putting off of the body of the flesh, in the
circumcision of Christ. You were buried together to Him in Baptism,
in which also you were assembled through the faith of the energy of
God Who raised Him out of the dead. And you who were dead in
sins by uncircumcision of your flesh, He made you alive with Him,
having given favor for all sins to us, having wiped out the handwritten [ordinance] against us by decrees, the [ordinance] which
was opposite us, and He has took it away out of the middle, having
nailed it to the cross. Pillaging the institutions of rule and the
authorities, he displayed in frankness, having triumphed them in
Himself.
Thus may one not judge you in meat and drink or in a part of the
feast or the new moon or the sabbaths, which is a shadow of the

!809

coming, but the body [is] of Christ. May no man at his pleasure bear
rule over you by lowness of mind and worshipping of angels,
advancing himself in those things which he never saw, rashly puffed
up with his fleshly mind and not holding the head, out of which all
the body through the connection and fastenings, having been
furnished and brought together increases the increase of God.
If you died with Christ form the elements of the world why do you
submit to the decrees as living in the world? Do not fasten nor taste
nor touch the things which are all into corruption by the
consumption, according to the precepts and teachings of men,
which are a principle holding wisdom in superstition and in lowness
and in not sparing the body, which are things of no value, since
[they pertain] to the filling of the flesh.
Thus if were risen together with Christ, seek the things which are
above where Christ is sitting at the right hand of God. Meditate
wisely on the things above and not on the things upon the earth.
For you died and your life has been covered with Christ in God.
When Christ manifests, your life, then also you will be made
manifest with Him in glory.

!810

 Thus make the members upon the earth to be dead: fornication,

uncleanness, passion, desire, badness, and avarice, whatever is
idolatry, through which God's anger comes upon the sons of
disobedience, in whom you also walked once when you lived in
those [things]. But now you put away all those things, anger, desire,
badness, blasphemy, shameful speech out of your mouth. Do not
be false to one another, you who have stripped yourselves of the
old man with his actions and have clothed yourselves with the new
renewed [man] into knowledge according to the icon of He who
created the [renewed man], where there is not one Hellene and
Jew, circumcision and uncircumcision, barbarian, Skythian, slave,
freeman, but Christ [being] all things and in all.
Thus clothe yourselves, as the elect of God, holy and beloved,
[having] inner parts of mercy, goodness, humility, mildness, greatheartedness, holding up and giving favor to one other if one may
hold blame toward another. According to how also the Master gave
favor to you, thus also you [are to do]. And upon all these [is] love,
which is the union of completion. And may the peace of Christ be

!811

judge in your hearts, into which also you were were called in one
body. And may you become grateful.
May the principle of Christ dwell in you abundantly, teaching and
advising each other in all wisdom, singing psalms, hymns, and
spiritual odes in your hearts for God in gratitude. And all, whatever
you may do in principle or in work, all things in the name of the
Master Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him.
The slaves, listen according to all for the masters according to
the flesh, not in eye-service as men-pleasers but in simplicity of
heart, fearing the Master. What you do, work out of soul as to the
Master and not to men, seeing that from the Master you will receive
recompense of the inheritance. Serve the master Christ. For he
who will have done unrighteousness, he will doing it will be
provided for, and there it not acceptance of persons. Masters, hand
over righteousness and equality to the slaves, seeing that you also
have a Master in the sky.
Continue in prayer, being watchful in the same in thanksgiving,
praying at the same time and concerning us, so that God may open
the door of the principle to us to speak the mystery of Christ,

!812

through Whom also I have been bound, so that I may manifest it as

it is necessary for me to speak. Walk in wisdom toward those
outside while buying up the time. Your principle [should be] always
in favor, having arranged [it] by] salt, to know how it is necessary for
you to respond to each one.
Tykhikos will make known to you all the things concerning me,
the beloved brother and faithful minister and co-slave in the Master,
whom I sent to you into this same things, so that you may know the
things concerning us and he may encourage your hearts, with
Onesimos the faithful and beloved brother, who is out of you. In this
way, they will make known all things to you.
Aristarkhos my fellow prisoner greets you. Also Mark the cousin
of Barnabas (concerning whom you took commands, if he may
come to you, to receive him) and Jesus, who is called Joustos,
those being out of circumcision, those alone co-workers into the
kingdom of God, who is made a consolation to me. Epaphras
greets you, he who is out of you, a slave of Christ Jesus, always
contending for a prize on behalf of you in his prayers, so that you
may stand complete and having been filled in the whole will of God.

!813

For I witness to Him that [Epaphras] has many works on behalf of

you and those in Laodikeia and in Jerapolis. Luke the doctor, the
beloved, greets you, as does Demas.
Greet those in Laodikeia, the brothers, and Nymphas and the
Church according to his house. And when this letter is known to
you, act so that also it may be known in the Church of Laodikeia,
and [likewise act] so that you also may know the one [written] out of
Laodikeia. And say to Arkhippo, See the ministry which you
received in the Master, so that you may fulfill it. The greeting [is] by
my hand, Paul's. Remember my chains. [May] favor [be] with you.

1 Thessalonians

Paul, a missionary of Christ Jesus through the will of God, and

Timotheos the brother, to those in Kolossai, the holy and faithful
brothers in Christ, favor to you and peace from God our Father.
We always give thanks to God the Father of our Lord Jesus
Christ concerning you when we pray, [because] we hear about your
faith in Christ Jesus and the love which you hold into all the saints

!814

through the hope which is laid away for you in the skies, which you
head about before in the principle of the Truth of the good news
present among you, according to how also in all the world, there is
fruit bearing and growth according to how also [there is] in you,
away from which day you heard and observed the favor of God in
Truth. Accordingly, you heard from Epaphras of the love of our coslave, who is faithful concerning us, a minister of Christ, Who also
makes your love visible to us in the Spirit.
Through this we also, form the day of which we heard [of it], do
not cease praying on behalf of you and asking, so that you may be
filled with the knowledge of the will of Him in all wisdom and
Spiritual intellect, so that you may walk worthily of the Lord through
the whole of pleasing [Him], bearing fruit in the whole good work
and growing in the knowledge of God, while being empowered in all
power according to the authority of His glory into all endurance and
long-suffering, giving thanks with joy to the Father, Who has mad us
sufficient into the portion of the inheritance of the holy in the Light,
Who snatched us out of the authority of the darkness and placed us
into the kingdom of the Son of His love, in Whom we have the

!815

redemption, the remission of the sins, Who is the icon of God the
invisible, the first-born of all creations, that in Him all things were
created in the skies and upon the earth, the seen and the unseen,
whether thrones or dominions or institutions of rule or authorities.
All things were created through Him and into Him, and He is before
all and all come together, and He is the Head of the body of the
Church, Who is the rule, the first-born out of the dead, so that being
first, He came about in all, that in Him all fullness was pleased to
dwell and to reconcile all things into Him, making peace through the
blood of His cross, Through Him whether the things upon the earth
or the things in the skies.
And you [were] strangers and enemies in mind in the evil works,
but now He reconciled [you] in the body of His flesh through the
death to present you holy and blameless and without reproach
before His face, if yet you remain in the faith, having been founded
and sitting and not shifting away from the hope of the good news
which you heard which is preached in all creation under the sky, of
which I became a minister.

!816

 Now I rejoice in the sufferings on behalf on you, and I fill up the

shortcomings of the afflictions of Christ in my flesh on behalf of His
body, which is the Church, of which I became a minister according
to the house-management of God, which was given to me into you
so that I amy fill up the principle of god, the mystery which has
been hidden from the ages and from the generations, but now
appeared to His holy ones, to whom God willed to make known
what [is] the Wealth of the glory of this mystery in the nations,
Which is Christ in you, the Hope of the glory, Whom we preach
while putting all men in mind and while teaching all men in all
wisdom, so that we may show all men [to be] complete in Christ,
into Whom also I work and strive for a prize according to His
energy, the energizing in me in power.
For I wish you all to know how great an anxiety I have on behalf
of you and of those in Laodikiea, and for those who have not seen
me face to face in the flesh, so that their hearts may be comforted
and instructed in love and into all wealth of the certainty of the
intellect, into the knowledge of the mystery of God, Christ, in Whom
are hidden all treasures of wisdom and knowledge. I say this, so

!817

that no one may cheat you in persuasive arguments. For though I

am away in flesh, I am present in spirit with you, rejoicing and
seeing your arrangement and firmness of your faith into Christ.
Thus as you received Christ Jesus the Master, walk in Him, rooted
and built in Him and confirmed by faith according to how you were
taught, abounding in thanksgiving.
See that one may not be one who carries you off as plunder
through philosophy and empty deceit according to the tradition of
men, according to the elements of the words and not according to
Christ, that in Him all fulness of the divinity bodily dwells, and you
are having been filled in Him, Who is the Head of all rule and
authority, in Whom also you were circumcised by circumcision not
made by hands in the putting off of the body of the flesh, in the
circumcision of Christ. You were buried together to Him in Baptism,
in which also you were assembled through the faith of the energy of
God Who raised Him out of the dead. And you who were dead in
sins by uncircumcision of your flesh, He made you alive with Him,
having given favor for all sins to us, having wiped out the handwritten [ordinance] against us by decrees, the [ordinance] which

!818

was opposite us, and He has took it away out of the middle, having
nailed it to the cross. Pillaging the institutions of rule and the
authorities, he displayed in frankness, having triumphed them in
Himself.
Thus may one not judge you in meat and drink or in a part of the
feast or the new moon or the sabbaths, which is a shadow of the
coming, but the body [is] of Christ. May no man at his pleasure bear
rule over you by lowness of mind and worshipping of angels,
advancing himself in those things which he never saw, rashly puffed
up with his fleshly mind and not holding the head, out of which all
the body through the connection and fastenings, having been
furnished and brought together increases the increase of God.
If you died with Christ form the elements of the world why do you
submit to the decrees as living in the world? Do not fasten nor taste
nor touch the things which are all into corruption by the
consumption, according to the precepts and teachings of men,
which are a principle holding wisdom in superstition and in lowness
and in not sparing the body, which are things of no value, since
[they pertain] to the filling of the flesh.

!819

 Thus if were risen together with Christ, seek the things which are
above where Christ is sitting at the right hand of God. Meditate
wisely on the things above and not on the things upon the earth.
For you died and your life has been covered with Christ in God.
When Christ manifests, your life, then also you will be made
manifest with Him in glory.
Thus make the members upon the earth to be dead: fornication,
uncleanness, passion, desire, badness, and avarice, whatever is
idolatry, through which God's anger comes upon the sons of
disobedience, in whom you also walked once when you lived in
those [things]. But now you put away all those things, anger, desire,
badness, blasphemy, shameful speech out of your mouth. Do not
be false to one another, you who have stripped yourselves of the
old man with his actions and have clothed yourselves with the new
renewed [man] into knowledge according to the icon of He who
created the [renewed man], where there is not one Hellene and
Jew, circumcision and uncircumcision, barbarian, Skythian, slave,
freeman, but Christ [being] all things and in all.

!820

 Thus clothe yourselves, as the elect of God, holy and beloved,

[having] inner parts of mercy, goodness, humility, mildness, greatheartedness, holding up and giving favor to one other if one may
hold blame toward another. According to how also the Master gave
favor to you, thus also you [are to do]. And upon all these [is] love,
which is the union of completion. And may the peace of Christ be
judge in your hearts, into which also you were were called in one
body. And may you become grateful.
May the principle of Christ dwell in you abundantly, teaching and
advising each other in all wisdom, singing psalms, hymns, and
spiritual odes in your hearts for God in gratitude. And all, whatever
you may do in principle or in work, all things in the name of the
Master Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him.
The slaves, listen according to all for the masters according to
the flesh, not in eye-service as men-pleasers but in simplicity of
heart, fearing the Master. What you do, work out of soul as to the
Master and not to men, seeing that from the Master you will receive
recompense of the inheritance. Serve the master Christ. For he
who will have done unrighteousness, he will doing it will be

!821

provided for, and there it not acceptance of persons. Masters, hand

over righteousness and equality to the slaves, seeing that you also
have a Master in the sky.
Continue in prayer, being watchful in the same in thanksgiving,
praying at the same time and concerning us, so that God may open
the door of the principle to us to speak the mystery of Christ,
through Whom also I have been bound, so that I may manifest it as
it is necessary for me to speak. Walk in wisdom toward those
outside while buying up the time. Your principle [should be] always
in favor, having arranged [it] by] salt, to know how it is necessary for
you to respond to each one.
Tykhikos will make known to you all the things concerning me,
the beloved brother and faithful minister and co-slave in the Master,
whom I sent to you into this same things, so that you may know the
things concerning us and he may encourage your hearts, with
Onesimos the faithful and beloved brother, who is out of you. In this
way, they will make known all things to you.
Aristarkhos my fellow prisoner greets you. Also Mark the cousin
of Barnabas (concerning whom you took commands, if he may

!822

come to you, to receive him) and Jesus, who is called Joustos,

those being out of circumcision, those alone co-workers into the
kingdom of God, who is made a consolation to me. Epaphras
greets you, he who is out of you, a slave of Christ Jesus, always
contending for a prize on behalf of you in his prayers, so that you
may stand complete and having been filled in the whole will of God.
For I witness to Him that [Epaphras] has many works on behalf of
you and those in Laodikeia and in Jerapolis. Luke the doctor, the
beloved, greets you, as does Demas.
Greet those in Laodikeia, the brothers, and Nymphas and the
Church according to his house. And when this letter is known to
you, act so that also it may be known in the Church of Laodikeia,
and [likewise act] so that you also may know the one [written] out of
Laodikeia. And say to Arkhippo, See the ministry which you
received in the Master, so that you may fulfill it. The greeting [is] by
my hand, Paul's. Remember my chains. [May] favor [be] with you.

1 Timotheos

!823

 Paul an apostle of Christ Jesus according to the command of

God our Savior and Christ Jesus of our home, to Timotheos of the
race born in faith: favor, mercy, and peace from God the father and
Christ Jesus our Lord.
Just as I asked you to remain in Ephesos while I travel into
Macedonia, so that they not may command another teaching nor to
hold stories and boundless genealogies which present and seek
research rather than the household order of God in faith. And the
completion of the command is love out of cleansing the heart and a
good conscience and faith without exaggeration or pretense, of
which some wander off and leave into thoughtless argument,
desiring to be legal teachers, and not thinking of what they argue,
and neither do they defend well concerning those things.
And we know that the law is beautiful if one uses it to himself
lawfully, knowing that law is not laid down for righteousness but for
lawlessness and the rebellious, for the irreverent and sinners, for
the unholy and profane, for the parenticidists, for murderers,
fornicators, homosexuals, slave-dealers, liars, and whatever other
[law] that has been laid down instead of the healthy teaching

!824

according to the gospel of the belief of the blessed God, the gospel
which I have been entrusted [with].
I have grace for Him Who strengthens me, for Christ Jesus our
Lord, that having placed faith, He guided me into the teaching
which first I slandered and persecuted and scorned, but I was given
mercy so that I was made ignorant in unbelief. And the favor of our
Lord over-extended with faith and love in Christ Jesus. The
argument of faith and all the worthy of restoration so that Christ
Jesus came into the word to save sinners, of whom I am the first.
But through that I was given mercy so that in me first Christ Jesus
is will mark the whole long-suffering toward the sketching of those
who will believe upon him into eternal life. And for the kind of the
ages, incorruptible, invisible, the only God, may honor and belief
[come] into the ages of ages. Amen.
I place down this command to you, [my] offspring Timotheos,
according to the precedent of the prophecy about you, so that
[being] a good soldier in those things you may fight [well], having
faith and a good conscience, of which some are repelling
concerning the faith and are shipwrecked, of which is Hymenaios

!825

and Alexandros, whom I handed over to Satan so that they may

learn not to blaspheme.
I command you first to make prayers of all, [and also] vows,
requests, and thanksgivings over all men, over the kings and all
those in support of those who are [kings], so that we may lead a life
which is quiet and inert in all reverence and chastity. This is good
and acceptable to the face of our savior God, who wills to save all
men and [for them] to come into knowledge of truth For there is one
God, one also a mediator of God and mankind, a man Jesus the
Anointed, who gave himself as a redemption for all, the martyrdom
in its own measure. In which I am placed as a herald and
missionary, I speak the truth and do not lie. [I am] a teacher of the
nations in faith and truth.
I want then to ask the adult males in all places to lift up sanctified
hands without anger and argument. Likewise also the women their
homes dressed with modesty while dressing themselves with
prudence, so that they may not [dress themselves] in twists of
expensive gold or pearls in hair or garments, but they may profess
piety through good works which is fitting for women.

!826

 A woman may learn in stillness with all subjection. I do not permit

a woman to teach or to dominate among men, but to be in stillness.
For Adam was formed first and then Eve. And Adam was not led
away bu the woman in over-stepping. But she will be saved through
the childbearing if they will remain in faith and love and
sanctification with prudence.
This argument is faithful: if any reaches to be a bishop, he sets
his will upon a beautiful work. Thus it is necessary for a bishop to
be irreprehensibile, a man of [not more than] one woman [in his
lifetime], sober of wine, prudent, well-equipped, a lover of
foreigners, a teacher, not drunk, not a murderer, but modest, not
quarrelsome nor eager having ruled his own [monastery] well,
having his children in subjection with all chastity -- and whoever
does not know how to rule his own home, how will he have care for
the Church of God? -- not a new convert, so that he may not
become puffed up with pride and fall into the judgment of the Devil.
It is necessary for him to hold a good martyrdom from the outside
so that he may not fall upon scandal [which is the] trap of the Devil.

!827

 Deacons likewise are to bbe chaste, not double-talkers, not given

to much wine, not sordid, holding to the mystery of the faith in a
clean conscience. And they first must be approved if whether they
are deacons with no crimes.
Women likewise are to be chaste, not devilish. They are to be
sober of wine and believing in everything. Deacons are to be men
of one wife, and their children and households are to be wellpresented. For they serve well and gain a good standing and much
freespokenness in faith in Christ Jesus.
I write these to ou hoping to come to you soon. And if I am late,
so that you know how it is necessary to manage in the house of
God. The Church of God is the Church of the Living God, the
column and firmament of truth.
Who is manifest in flesh, made righteous in Breath, appeared to
angels, preached in the nations, believed in the world, and
assumed in glory.
And the Breath expressively says that in the newest time some
will be absent of faith, attending to the spiritual which lead away
and to the doctrines of demons, in hypocrisy of lying, their

!828

consciences having been branded, hindering marriage, to keep

away from meat, which the God created to be received with
thanksgiving by the faithful who know the Truth. That all creation of
God is beautiful and nothing to be thrown away but to be taken with
thanksgiving. For through the Truth of God and through prayer
[everything] is made holy.
If you are put these [teachings] under the brothers, you will be a
good deacon of Christ Jesus, brought up on the arguments of faith
and the good teachings which you have followed. But you ask also
the stories of old women to be trodden. And train yourself toward
piety. For the bodily exercises is useful for a little, but the piety is
useful toward all who hold the gospel of life than of now and of the
coming. Faithful is this word and the worthy is it of all receiving. For
we work into that and we are certain that have hoped upon the
living God who is the savior of all men of the most faith.
Exhort these and teach. May no one of yours think against you
because of your youth, but become a type of the faith in discussion,
in domicile, in love, in faith, and in chastity. When I come, hold to
the reading, to the exhortations, and to the teaching. Do not neglect

!829

the gift which is in you, which is given to you through the prophecy
with the imposition of the hands of the priest. Care about these
things, may it be in these, so that your visible progress may be for
all. Attend to yourself and to the teaching. Remain in them. For
[when] you do this, you also save yourself and those listening to
you.
Do not rebuke a priest, but implore him as a father, and implore
the youths as brothers, the priests' wives as mothers, the young
women as sisters in all chastity.
Honor widows who are truly widows. And if one widow holds
children or grandchildren, she should teach first the own house to
be pious and to return an answer to the parents. For that is
acceptable to the face of God. And the true widow and the desolate
have hoped in God and stand before him making entreaties and
prayers day and night. And the one living wildly has died. And
exhort these so that they are irreprehensible. And whoever does
not have care of her own and especially for her household, she has
denied the faith and is lower than an unbeliever.

!830

 May a widow be added to this list [of monastics] if she is not less
than sixty years, who is a woman of one man, a witness in beautiful
works, if she educated her children, if she relieves with hospitality, if
she washes the feet of the saints, if she helped those in distress, if
she pursued all good works.
Avoid young widows. For when they are indulgent against Christ,
they desire to marry, holding judgment because they made invalid a
first faith. And at the same time also they being idle learn to go
around to homes, not only idle but also verbose and curious,
speaking what is not necessary. Therefore I desire youths to marry,
to make children, to be masters at home, to give no occasion to the
enemy by favor of badly speaking. For now some are already
turned aside back toward Satan. If a faithful woman has widows,
may she minister to them, and the church may not be weighed
down, so that she may minister to true widows.
Beautifully are the priests set before [God], worthy of double
honor, especially who grow tired in word and teaching. For the
writing says, "Do not muzzle an ox who is treading. And, the worker
is worthy of his wages. Do not receive an accusation against a

!831

priest, if not under two or three witnesses. Those who sin are
disgraced before all, so that also the remaining may have fear.
I testify before God and Christ Jesus and the elect angles, so
that you may guard this without prejudice making nothing in
diverting another part. Quickly put hands on nobody nor have a
share for other sins. Guard yourself to be chaste.
No longer drink only water, but also consult a little wine through
the stomach and your constant weakness. The clear sinners of
certain men are foreknown into judgment, and some also pursue
[them]. Likewise also the works that are good are also clear; those
having otherwise are not able to hide.
As many as are slaves under a yoke, they may be consider their
own masters worthy of all honor, so that the name of God and the
teaching may not be scandalized. And those holding believing
masters should not think little of them, but because they are
brothers, rather they should serve them better so that they are
believers and beloved who take the benefit. These things teach and
exhort. If one teaches another doctrine and does not approach the
clean message of our Lord Jesus Christ and the teaching according

!832

to piety, he is deluded, without knowledge, but speaking around

questions and battles of words, out of which come about envy,
contentions, blasphemy, evil suspicions, conflictions of men of
corrupt mind and who are deprived of truth, thinking the piety is for
providing. And piety is a great provider with sufficiency. For nothing
do we carry into the world, because neither are we able to carry it
away. But if we have food and shelter, we will be content. For who
desires wealth falls into temptation, a noose, and much stupid and
harmful desire, which plunge men into destruction. For the root of
badness is love of money, of which some seeking it have wandered
from the faith and have sown much pain.
But you, of man of God, flee these things. Pursue righteousness,
piety, faith, love, endurance, and gentleness. Compete in the good
arena of faith, taking the eternal life, into which you are called, and
confess the good confession to the face of all the witnesses.
I order you before the face of God who makes all to live and
before Christ Jesus who witnessed under Pontios Pilatos the good
confession, so that you may guard the command without defilement
and without reproach until the appearing of our Lord Jesus Christ,

!833

which He will show to his own: the blessed and only powerful, the
King and Lord of those ruling, the only one holding immortality,
Light living where it is inaccessible, Whom no one of men sees nor
is able to see, to Whom honor and authority [is due] forever, Amen.
Order the gifted in this current age to not think themselves better
nor to hope in uncertain wealth but upon God who hands over to us
all of wealth into fruition, to lead well, to become rich in good works,
to be generous, he in common, treasuring away to themselves the
good foundational thing into the future, so that they may take the
true life.
O Timotheos, guard the deposit, avoiding the profane and vain
talking and opposing the false name of knowledge, which some
proclaim concerning faith and [thus] err. [May] the favor [of God be]
with you.

2 Timotheos

Paul, a missionary of Jesus Christ, through the will of God

according to the preaching of life in Christ Jesus, to Timotheos,

!834

beloved son, may [you have] favor, mercy, and peace from God the
Father and Christ Jesus our Master.
I have gratitude to God for Whom I work from those first-born in
the clean knowledge as I have incessant remembrance concerning
you in my prayer both night and day. [While] I remember you, I
yearn that you may see [my] tears so that I may be filled with joy.
Taking a reminder of your unapologetic faith, that faith which dwelt
first in your grandmother Lois and in your mother Eunice, and I am
persuade that [it is] also in you. Because of this responsibility, I
remind you to rekindle the gift of God which is in you through the
laying on of my hands. For God did not give to us a spirit of
cowardice but of power and love and prudence. Thus do not be
ashamed of the witness of our Master nor of me his prisoner but be
a fellow participant in the suffering for gospel according to God's
power, the God who saves us and calls with a calling for holy things
not according to our works but according to each's purpose and
according to the favor given to us in Christ Jesus for all time, that
[favor in the present time] through the appearance of our Savior
Jesus Christ who annihilated death and enlightened life and and

!835

incorruption through the gospel into which I was placed as a

messenger and missionary and teacher of the missions, the faith
through which I suffer responsibility and things.
But I am not ashamed. For I know that which I have believed and
have been persuaded that [He] is able to guard my investment into
that day. Hold the order of the healthy principles of which you heard
from me in faith and love in Christ Jesus. Keep that beautiful
deposit through the Holy Spirit who lives in us. Know this thing, that
all turned back from me, all who [are] in Asia of whom there is
Phygellos and Hermogenes. May the Master gave to him to find
mercy from the Master in that day and may He serve as many as
[are] in Ephesus. You know better things.
Thus you, my child, strengthen in favor in Christ Jesus, and
those things which you heard about me through many witnesses,
place these beside faithful men, as many as will be worthy also to
teach others. Therefore you suffer affliction as a good soldier of
Christ Jesus. No soldier is entangles with the matters of life so that
he may please the one who enlisted [him]. And if also one
contends, he is not crowned if he does not do so customarily for

!836

combat. It is necessary to the tired farmer to take the fruits [after]

first [laboring]. Consider the things I say. For the Master may give
union to you in all things. remember Jesus Christ who was awoken
out of the dead out of the sperm of David according to my gospel in
which I am in distress as far as being bound as [if I had done]
mischief. But the principle of God has not been bound. Through
that I await all things through the elect so that also they may
happen upon the salvation of the glory of the age in Jesus Christ.
The principle is faithful. For if we died together, we will also live
together. If we wait, we will also reign together. If we deny, he too
will deny us. If we disbelieve, he remains faithful. He is not able to
deny himself. Put these things to memory while witnessing through
the face of the Master to not be in war of words into nothing
serviceable upon the overturning of those who listen.
Be busy to [show] yourself to God as an acceptable workman
who has no cause for shame. Cut straight [through] the principle of
the truth. And avoid [yourself] with the profane and vain talking
upon the fullness. For they shall progress irreverence. And the
principle of them as holds as gangrene fodder, of whom there is

!837

Hymenaios and Philetos. Such missed the truth while speaking the
resurrection to have already happened. They also upset the faith of
some. However, the firm foundation who has stood, holding this
seal. The Master knew those who are of him, and may all who call
the name of Christ be away from unrighteousness.
And in a great house, there is not only vessels of gold and silver
but also of wood and clay. These are honorable and those are
dishonorable. Thus if you will clean yourself from these, he will be
an honorable vessel which has been sanctified and well useful for
the Master into the whole work which is good and prepared. Flee
the youthful desires, and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and
peace with those who call upon the Master out of clean hearts.
Decline [to answer] the foolish and uneducated questions seeing
that they know battles. It is not necessary for a slave of the Lord to
fight but to be gentle toward all, able to teach, and able to suffer
evil. Instruct them with gentleness that are contrary minded. God
may never give them repentance, that they may acknowledge the
truth and come to their senses out of the trap of the Devil, of whom
they are prisoners by him into his will.

!838

 But know that difficult times will be in the last days. For the men
will be self-loving, avaricious, vagrant, arrogant, blasphemous,
disobedient to fathers, ungrateful, profane, heartless, without
peace, injurious, powerless, wild, hears of good, traitors, reckless,
deluded, fond of rather than of God, holding a shape of reverence
but denying the powerful of [that reverence]. Turn away from those.
For out of those are the pretenders into the households and those
who take captive women heaped with sins, led by many desires,
always being taught and never able to come into knowledge of
truth. And what direction Jannes and Jambres raised up against
Moses, thus also these stand against the truth, men who have been
destroyed in the mind, unacceptable around the faith. But they will
not advance upon the fullness. For their mindlessness is clear to
all, as also that has come about.
But you pursued my teaching, the institution, the proposition, the
faith, the happy will, the love, the suffering, the persecutions, the
sufferings, of what kind came about to me in Antioch, in Ikonios, in
Lystros, the kind of persecutions I sustained. The Master rescued
[me] out of all [of those]. And all who desire reverence to live in

!839

Christ Jesus endure persecution. And the evil men and sorcerers
advance upon the inferior both causing to stray and being caused
to stray [themselves].
But you [are to] remain in what you learned and in which you are
trusted, seeing around those things you were taught and those
sacred letters you have seen from infancy, those able to give you
wisdom into salvation through belief that [is] in Christ Jesus. All
writing is God-breathed and is useful toward teaching, arguing,
correction, and teaching children the [teaching] in righteousness, so
that the man of God may be complete and instructed in every good
work.
I testify before the face of God and Jesus the Announced who in
the future is to judge the living, the dead, and [I testify] the His
coming and His kingdom. Announce the word. Stand upon the welltimed [and] the ill-timed. Argue. Show honor. Summon in all good
will and teaching.
For the time will come when the healthy teaching will not be
supported, but they will heap up according to their own will to
theirselves the teachings which tickle their ears, and on one hand,

!840

they will turn their ears away from the truth, and on the other hand,
they will turn aside upon stories. But you be sober in all, suffer the
badness, do the work of the good news, fulfill your ministry.
For I already am offered up, and the time of my release has
stood upon [me]. I contested the good contest, I finished the race, I
have guarded the faith. The crown of righteousness lays down the
remainder to me, the crown which the Master will give to me in that
day, the Master who is a just Judge, and not only to me but also to
all who have loved His coming.
Be eager to come to me quickly. For Demas abandoned me
[because] he loves the current age and was carried off into
Thessalonike. Kreskes left into Galatia, and Titos left into Dalmatia.
Loukas alone is with me. Take up Markos and lead him with you.
For he is useful to me into ministry. But I sent off Tykhios into
Ephesos. When you come, bring the garment which I left in Troadis
near Karpos, and [also bring] the books, especially the papers.
Alexandros the copper-smith revealed all bad things to me. The
Master will give him over to his bad works. And guard [against]
him.. For he exceedingly stood against our words.

!841

 In my first defense, no one was near me, but all left me. May it
not be counted to them. But the Master stood with me and gave me
strength so that through me the message may be filled. And all the
nations heard. Also, I was rescued out of the mouth of a lion. The
master will rescue me from the whole work of evil and will save
[me] into His kingdom [in] the sky, for Whom the consent of belief [is
to be] into the ages of ages. May it be so.
Greet Priska and Akyla and the house of Onesiphoros. Erastos
remained at korinthos, and in Miletos I left Trophimos [who was]
weak. Be eager to come before winter. Greet Euboulos and Poudes
and linos and Klaudia and all the brothers. [May] the Master be with
your breath. [May His] favor be with you.

1 Peter

Peter, a missionary of Jesus Christ, to the elect wandering in a

foreign land and spread out in Pontos, Galatia, Cappadocia, Asia,
and Bithynia, according to the foreknowledge of God the father in
the sanctification of the Spirit into the obedience and sprinkling of

!842

the blood of Jesus Christ, grace to you all and may peace be
multiplied.
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who
according to the much mercy, having regenerated us into the living
hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ out of the dead into
the incorruptible, undefiled, and unfading inheritance, which was
guarded in heaven into you all who are being kept watch in the
power of God through the faith into the prepared salvation to be
revealed in the last time in which you greatly rejoice, if it is
necessary now for a little while to be sad in various tests, so that
the means of testing of your faith may be much revered more so
than gold which is destroyed through fire [when] being tested, that it
may be found into praise and glory and honor in the revelation of
Jesus Christ, Whom you love though you do not see Him, into
Whom you now do not see but believe and rejoice greatly in the
ineffable and wonderful joy, giving heed to the end of your faith, the
salvation of souls, concerning which salvation the prophets inquired
and searched, who prophesied concerning the grace into you all,
seeking into some or what kind of time, the Spirit of Christ was

!843

making clear in them and witnessed beforehand the sufferings into

Christ and the glories with them, for whom it was revealed that not
to themselves but to you all were they ministering, which now they
were announcing to you all through the preaching of good news to
you all in the Holy Spirit being sent off from the sky, into which the
angels desire to look into.
Therefore, girding up the loins of your mind, being fully sober,
hope upon the grace to be brought to you in the apocalypse of
Jesus Christ. As children of obedience, do not be remodeled to the
desires in your previous ignorance, but according to the holy One
Who called you, become holy yourselves also in all [your dealings],
because it has been written, You are to become holy because I am
holy. And if you call upon the Father who without the acceptance of
persons is judging according to the work of each, dwell during your
sojourning in fear, Seeing that you are not bought in corruptible
silver or gold out of your empty dwelling of the tradition [of your]
fathers but in honorable blood as of [the] Lamb of [the]
contaminated and immaculate Christ, Who, on one hand, foreknew
before the foundation of the world, and on the other hand, was

!844

manifested upon the farthest [point] of the times through you all
who through Him are trustworthy in God, Who awoke Him out of the
dead and gave Him glory, so that your faith and hope may be in
God. Having cleansed your souls in the obedience of Truth into
fraternal love which is not a hypocrisy, you attentively love one
another our of clean hearts, having been renewed not out of
corruptible sperm but incorruptible through the living and remaining
principle of God. Because, All flesh as fodder and all the belief in it
as a flower of fodder. But the word of the Lord remains into eternity.
But this is the word which is preached as good news into you all.
Thus having put away all badness and all trickery and hypocrisy
and ill-will and all slander, as infants in the womb being born, yearn
after the honest [and] logical milk , so that in it you may increase
into salvation, if you tasted that the Lord is sweet. Approaching
toward that which [is] a living stone rejected by men on one hand
but chosen [and] costly before God, and be built as living stones [to
be] a spiritual house into a holy priesthood to offer up spiritual
sacrifices, [which are] acceptable to God through Jesus Christ.
Because holds in writing, Behold I place a stone in Sion, the

!845

cornerstone chosen [and] costly, and who believes upon it may not
be put to shame. Thus the honor to you all who believe, and to
those who disbelieve, [the] stone which the builders rejected, this
became into the head of the angle, and, a stone of stumbling and a
rock of scandal. These stumble upon the principle to which they
were disobedient, in which also they were placed. And you all [are],
a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people into
preservation, in such a manner as you may announce the
goodness of Him who called you out of shadows into His wondrous
light. Who [at one time were], not a people, but now are [the]
people of God, who [have] not [been given] mercy but now are
[given] mercy.
Beloved, I call [you all to action] as foreigners and sojourners to
keep away from the fleshly desires which serve in war against to
the soul. Holding your conversation in the nations, so that in it they
babble about you as those who do ill out of the beautiful work, they
overlook and hold the opinion [of] God, in the day of visitation.
Be subjected by all creature through the Lord, either to the King
as he holds [authority] over [you], or to the ones sent into avenging

!846

those who do ill and into the praise of those who do good, those
who lead as through him, that thus is the will of God, [that] those
who do good to muzzle the ignorance of the senseless men, as
freeing and not as holding a veil of the badness [as] freedom but as
servants of God. Honor all, love the brotherhood, fear God, honor
the king.
The house slaves [are to be] subjective in all fear to the masters,
not only to the good and suitable but also to the crooked. For this
[is] favor if through the conscience of God he holds under who
suffers pain unjustly. For what kind of glory [is it] if you wait under
[while] sinning and being slapped? But if you wait under while doing
good and suffer, this [is] favor beside God. For into this you were
called, that also Christ suffered over you for [your sake] while
leaving a model so that you may follow His steps, Who, did not sin
nor was treachery found in His mouth, who was not abusing back
while being abused, was not threatening while suffering, but was
giving over to the One judging righteously, who carried, Himself our
sins, in His body upon the wood, so that those who were absent by
sin may live by righteousness, of whom, you may be cured by a

!847

wound. For you were, as sheep wandering, but you were turned
around now upon the Herdsman and upon the Bishop of our souls.
Likewise the women submitting to their own men, so that also
whoever is disobedient to the principle, will profit without principle
through the lifestyle of the women. Having watched your pure
lifestyle in fear, of whom may it not be the outside world of braiding
hairs and putting on silver or of the inward of the furnishings but the
hidden person of the heart in the uncorrupted affair of the meek and
quiet spirit, which is costly before the face of the God. For thus
when also the holy women hoping God were arranging themselves
while being subjected to their own men, as Sarra hearkened to
Abraam calling him lord, of whom you all were born children doing
good and not fearing any passionate emotion.
Likewise the men, while living according to the knowledge as to
the weaker vessel of the woman, while assigning honor as also to
co-hiers of the favor of life [so that they may] not hinder your
prayers.
And [in] the end, all united, suffering together, lovers of the
brothers, healthy-hearted, lowly, not giving bad for bad or abuse for

!848

abuse, but on the other hand, giving blessings that you may be
called into this so that you may inherit the blessing. For, the one
who desires to love life and to see good days, may he cease the
tongue from badness and may [his] lips be not of speaking evil.
And, may he decline from badness and do good, may he seek
peace and hunt it. That, the eyes of the Lord upon the righteous
and His ears into their prayers, and the face of the Lord upon those
who do badness.
And who is the one who does badness to you if you are made
emulators of the good? But if also you suffer through
righteousness, you are fortunate. And may you neither fear nor be
troubled at their fear. And, Make the Lord holy, Christ, in your
hearts, prepared always toward a defense to all asking you the
principle concerning the hope in you, but with mildness and fear,
holding good co-knowledge, so that in which you speak against,
they may be dishonored who deal contemptuously against your
good way of life in Christ. For if one wishes to do the will of God, [it
is] stronger to suffer doing good than doing bad.

!849

 That also Christ once suffered concerning sins, being righteous

on behalf of the unrighteous, so that he may bring you all to the
God, having put to death by the flesh and having been made alive
by the Spirit, in Whom also He, having been ferried over, heralded
for the spirits in custody who have been disobedient when at the
time when the patience was eagerly waiting for God in the days of
Noah while the ark was being equipped into which a few, that is
eight souls, were saved through water. The baptism now saves you
all as an echo [of Noah's time], not the removal of filth of the flesh
but an inquiry into God of good co-knowledge, through the
resurrection of Jesus Christ, who is in the right hand of the God,
having been ferried into the sky, while the angels, authority, and
power were subjected to Him.
Thus Christ having suffered in the flesh, you also equip the same
perception, that the one suffering in the flesh has ceased the sin so
that no longer may the one remaining in the flesh live [his] time by
the desires of men but by the will of God. For sufficient [is] the one
having passed time [as the] purpose of the nations to work those
having been carried in licentiousness, desire, drunkenness, merry-

!850

making, drinking, and anarchic idolatry. In which blasphemers are

strange that you may not run with them into the same excess of the
wastefulness, who give back principle to the one holding readily to
judge the living and the dead. For into this also good news is
preached to [the] dead, so that on one hand, they may judge
according to men by flesh, and on the other hand, they live
according to God by the Spirit.
But I approached the end of all. Thus be prudent and be sober
into prayers. On behalf of all while holding the intense love of
themselves, that, Love covers a great number of sins. Being lovers
of foreigners into one another without grumbling, each accordingly
took a gift into themselves ministering it as beautiful housemanagers of the diverse favor of God. If one speaks, [may it be] as
words of God. If one ministers, as out of strength of which God
supplies, so that in all God may be given consent of belief through
Jesus Christ, to Whom is the consent of belief and the dominion
into the ages of ages, amen.
Beloved, do not receive the burning which is begun among you
as strange toward a trial to you as of something strange come to

!851

you, but in so far as you have communion to the suffering of Christ,

rejoice, so that also in the revelation of His glory rejoice while taking
delight. If you are reproached in the name of Christ, fortunate ones,
that the [Spirit] of the glory and, The Spirit of the God rests, upon
you. For may some of you all not suffer as a murderer or a thief or a
doer of badness or as a spectator of those belonging to others. But
if as a Christian, be not weak, but give consent of belief to God in
this name, [because] the time of the beginning of the judgment [is]
from the house of God. But if first from us, some end of the
disobedience to the good news of God. And, If the righteous
scarcely is saved, where will the impious and the sinner appear?
Thus also may those suffering according to the will of God for the
trustworthy Creator commend their souls in benefaction.
Thus I exhort the priests among you, I who a co-elder and a
witness of the sufferings of Christ, who also is a partner of the
coming glory to be revealed. Shepherd the flock of God among you
while overseeing that you not [do so] forcedly but voluntarily
according to God, and neither greedily but willingly, nor as lording
over the clergy but becoming the forms of the sheep. And when the

!852

chief shepherd is made manifest, you will secure the unfading

crown of glory. Likewise, young men, submit to the priests. And all
[of you should] bind humility for one another, that God, resists the
proud but gives favor to the humble. Thus be humbled under the
ruling hand of God, so that you will raise yourselves in [the] time,
having abandoned all your cares upon him, because there is
concern to him concerning you.
Be sober. Be awake. Your opponent the Devil, as a lion roaring,
encircles seeking something to devour. Stand against him, being
firm in the faith, seeing the things of the sufferings of him in the
world to happen to your brothers.
And the God of all favor, who called you into His eternal gory in
Christ Jesus, having suffered a little himself, will restore, will make
firm, will strengthen, will lay a foundation. [May] the rule [be] to Him
into eternity. May it be so.
Through Silouanos the faithful brother to you, as I think, through
a few things I wrote to you exhorting and witnessing upon that to be
the true favor of the God into that which you stand. The co-elect in

!853

Babulon greet you and Mark my son. Greet one another in a kiss of
love Peace to the whole of you who are in Christ.

Matthios (incomplete through chapter 13)

A book of the genesis of Jesus Christ the son of David the son of
Abraam. Abraam produced Isaak, and Isaak produced Jakob, and
Jakob produced Joudas his brothers, and Joudas produced Phares
and Zara out of Thamar, and Phares produced Hesrom, and
Hesrom produced Aram, and Aram produced Aminadab, and
Aminadab produced Naasson, and Naasson produced Salmon, and
Salmon produced Boes out of Rhakhab, and Boes produced Jobed
out of Rhouth, and Jobed produced Jessai, and Jessai produced
David the king. And David produced Solomon out of the [wife] of
Ourios, and Solomon produced Rhoboam, and Rhoboam produced
Abia, and Abia produced Asaph, and Asaph produced Josaphat,
and Josaphat produced Joram, and Joram produced Osdias, and
Osdias produced Joatham, and Joatham produced Akhasd, and
Akhasd produced Hesdekias, and Hesdekias produced Manasses,

!854

and Manasses produced Amos, and Amos produced Josias, and

Josias produced Jekhonias and his brothers upon the captivity of
Babulon. And after the captivity of Babulon, Jekhonias produced
Salathiel, and Salathiel produced Sdorobabel, and Sdorobabel
produced Abioud, and Abioud produced Eliakim, and Eliakim
produced Asdor, and Asdor produced Sadok, and Sadok produced
Akhim, and Akhim produced Elioud, and Elioud produced Eleasdar,
and Eleasdar produced Matthan, and matthan produced Jakob, and
Jakob produced Joseph the man of Maria, out of Whom Jesus was
produced Who is called the Anointed. Thus all the generations from
Abraam until David [were] fourteen generations, and from David
until the captivity of Babulon [were] fourteen generations, and from
the captivity of Babulon until [the birth] of the Anointed [were]
fourteen generations. And the genesis of Jesus Christ was thus.
When Maria His Mother was sought for marriage by Joseph,
before They came together, She was found holding in womb out of
the Holy Spirit. And Joseph Her man, being righteous and not
wishing to make a show of her, wished to send her away secretly.
But while he pondered these things, behold, a messenger of the

!855

Master appeared to him according to a dream saying, Joseph, son

of David, do not fear to accept Maria, your Woman For That Which
was produced in Her out of the Spirit is holy. and She will give birth
to a son, and you will call His name Jesus. For He will save His
people from their sins. And the whole of this has happened so that
it may be filled that which was said by the Master through the
prophet saying, Behold, the virgin will hold in womb and will give
birth to a son, and the will call His name Emmanouel, which is
translated, God with us. And after he awakened from his sleep, did
as the messenger of the Master ordered to him. And he took his
Woman, and did not know her as long as she did not give birth to a
son. And he called His name Jesus.
And after Jesus was born in Bethleem of Joudaia in the days of
Heroides the king, behold magi from the east arrived into
Hierosoluma saying, Where is the one born king of the Joudaioi?
For we saw His star in the east and came to worship Him. And after
King Heroides heard [this], he was stirred and all Hierosoluma with
him, and bringing together all the archpriests and scribes of the
people, he was consulted by them where the Anointed One would

!856

be born. And they said to him, In Bethleem of Joudaia. For thus if

has been written through the prophet, And you, Bethleem, the land
of Jouda, by no means, you are the smallest among the rulers of
Jouda. For out of you will come a leader, who will rule my people
Israel.
Then Heroides, after he secretly called the magi, investigated
from them the time of the appearing of the star, and having sent
them into Bethleem, he said, After you have been arrived, examine
precisely concerning the Child. And when you arrive, announce to
me, in such a manner that I may come and worship Him. And after
they heard the king, they departed and behold, the star which they
saw in the east was leading them, until it came and stood above
where the Child was. And seeing the star, they rejoiced exceedingly
with a great joy. And coming into the home, they saw the Child with
Maria His Mother, and after they fell down, they worshiped Him and
opened their treasures and brought Him gifts, gold and
frankincense and smyrna. And after they were consulted according
to a dream, they did not return to Heroides, [but] went back through
another road into their region.

!857

After they went back, behold a messenger of the Master

appeared according to a dream to Joseph, saying, Rise and take

the Child and His Mother and flee into Aegypt and be there until I
speak to you. For Heroides will seek the Child to destroy Him. And
he rose and took the Child and His Mother by night and went back
into Aegypt, and he was there until the end of Heroides, so that the
saying by the Master through the prophet would be fulfilled, saying,
Out of Aegypt I called my son.
Then Heroides, seeing that he was mocked by the magi, was
angered exceedingly, and sent out and took up all the children who
were in Bethleem and in all its boundaries of two years and under,
according to the time which he investigated from the magi. Then the
word was fulfilled through the prophet Jeremias who said, A voice in
Rhama was heard, a weeping and, much, lamentation. Rhakhel
weeps for her children, and no one wished to exhort her, that they
are not.
And after Heroides died, behold a messenger of the Master
appeared according to a dream to Joseph in Aegypt saying, Rise
and take the Child and His Mother and go into the land of Israel.

!858

For the ones seeking the Child's soul have died. And he rose and
took the Child and His Mother and entered into the land of Israel.
And after he heard that Arkhelaos was king of Joudaia instead of
his father Heroides, he was afraid to go there. And he was
consulted according to a dream to return into the parts of Galilaia,
and he came to live into the city called Nasdaret, in such a manner
as to fulfill the saying through the prophets that, he will be called a
Nasdoraios.
And in those days, there came about John the Baptistizer who
preached in the desert of Joudaia, saying, "Change your mind. For
the King of the skies approached. for this is that which was said
through Esaias the prophet who said, A voice of the one who
shouts in the desert, prepare the road of the Master. Make straight
the highway, of Him. And John himself was having his clothes from
the hair of a camel and a leather belt around his loins, and his food
was locusts and wild honey. Then Hierosoluma came out to him
and all Joudaia and all the regions around the Jordan, and they
were dipped in the Jordan River by him, those who confessed their
sins.

!859

 And seeing many of the Pharisaioi and Saddoukaioi coming upon

his dipping, he said to them, children of vipers, who demonstrated
to you to flee from the coming wrath? Thus make fruit worthy of the
change of mind and do not think to speak among yourselves, We
have father Abraam. For I say to you that God is able out of these
stones to awaken children for Abraam. But already the axe-head
lies at the root of the trees. Thus the whole tree not making good
fruit is cut out and thrown into fire. I baptize in water into
repentance, but who comes after me is stronger than me, of whom I
am not adequate to carry his sandals. He will dip you in the Holy
Spirit and in fire, of Whom the winnowing fork is in His hand, and
He will clean His threshing-floor and bring the His grain into the
storehouse, but the will burn completely with inextinguishable fire.
Then Jesus came from Galilaia upon the Jordan to John the to
be dipped by Him. But Joannes was preventing Him, saying, I hold
need to be dipped by you, and you come to me? And Jesus,
answering, said to him, Allow [it] now. For thus it is necessary to us
to fulfill all righteousness. Then he allowed it. And after Jesus was
baptized, he rose up straight out of the water. And behold, the skies

!860

opened, and he saw the Spirit of God coming down just as a dove
and coming to rest upon Him And behold a voice out of the skies
said, This is my Son Whom I love, in Whom I am well-pleased.
Then Jesus was lead into the desert by the Spirit to be tempted
by the Devil. And having fasted for forty days and forty nights, he
was afterward hungry. And the Tempter came to him and said to
Him, If you are the Son of the God, speak so that these stones may
become bread. And answering, He said, It has been written, May
will not live upon bread alone but upon the whole speech
proceeding through the mouth of Go.
Then the Devil took Him into the holy city and stood Him upon
the pinnacle of the temple and said to Him, If you are the son of the
God, throw Yourself down For it has been written that, He will
command His messengers concerning You, and they will lift you
upon [their] hands, that you may never strike your foot against the
stone. Jesus said to Him, Again it has been written, You will not
tempt the Master Your God.
Again the Devil took Him into an exceedingly high mountain and
showed Him all the kingdoms of the world and their glory and said

!861

to Him, I will give all these to you, if you fall down and worship me.
Thus Jesus said to Him, Leave, Satan. For it has been written, You
will worship the Master God and will serve Him alone. Then the
Devil lift Him and behold, messengers came to him and ministered
to Him.
And having heard that John was handed over, he returned into
Galilaia. And having left Nasdarat, he came and lived in
Kapharnaoum by the sea in the boundaries of Sdaboulon and
Nephthalim, so that the saying through Esaias the prophet would
be fulfilled, saying, Land of Sdaboulon and land of Nephthalim,
road of the sea, across the Jordan, Galilaia of the nations. The
people who have sat in darkness saw a great Light, and to those
who have sat in the region and in the shadow of death, the Light
rose up to them. Then Jesus began to preach and to say, Change
your mind. The kingdom of the skies approached.
And walking by the sea of Galilaia, He saw two brothers, Simon
who is called Peter, and Andreas His brother throwing a net into the
sea. For they were fishermen. And he said to them, Come here and

!862

follow me, and I will make you fishermen of men. And the
immediately left the nets and followed Him.
And advancing from there, He saw two other brothers, Jakob of
Sdebedaios and his brother John in the boat with Sdebedaios their
father repairing their nets. And he called to them. And they
immediately left the boat and their father and followed Him.
And He lead them into the whole of Galilaia, teaching in their
Synagogues and preaching the good news of the kingdom and
curing all sickness and all infirmity in the people. And the rumor of
Him went out into the whole of Syria. And they offered to Him who
had badness by many sickness and had diseases and were
possessed and the moonstruck and the paralytics, and he cured
them. And the many crowds followed Him from Galilaia and
Dekapolis and HIerosoluma and Joudaia and across the Jordan.
And seeing the crowds, He ascended into the mountain. And
when he sat, His disciples came to Him. And opening His mouth,
He was teaching them saying, Wealthy are the paupers by the
Spirit, that theirs is the kingdom of the skies. Wealthy are those who
morns, that they will be comforted. Wealthy are the mild, that they

!863

will inherit the land. Wealthy are those who hunger and thirst for
righteousness, that they will be fattened. Wealthy are the merciful,
that they will receive mercy. Wealthy are the clean by heart, that
they will see God. Wealthy are the doers of peace, that they will be
called sons of God. Wealthy are those who have been pursued on
account of righteousness, that theirs is the kingdom of the skies.
Wealthy are you when they reproach you and peruse and speak all
evil against you, lying on account of Me. Rejoice and exalt, that
your wages [are] plentiful in the skies. For thus they pursued the
prophets before you.
You are the salt of the earth. And if the salt fades, in what will it
be salted? It is strong into nothing unless it was thrown outside to
be trampled under foot by men. You are the Light of the world. A
city is not able to hide while lying above a mountain. Neither does it
light a lamp and place it under a basket but upon a candlestick, and
it lights everything in the house. Thus may your light shine before
men, in such manner as they may see your good works and may
give consent of belief to your Father in the skies.

!864

 Do not think that I came to loosen the law or the prophets. I did
not come to loosen but to fulfill. For truly I say to you, Until the sky
and the earth pass away, one iota or one top of a letter will not pass
away from the law, until all things come about. Thus if one loosens
one of these smallest commandments and teaches the men thusly,
he will be called the smallest in the kingdom of the skies. But who
does and teaches, this [one] will be called great in the kingdom of
the skies. For I say to you that if your righteousness does not
abound more than the scries and the Pharisaioi, you will not enter
into the kingdom of the skies.
You heard that it was said to those of old, Do not kill, but who
kills, he will be subject to death by judgment. But I say to you that
all who are angry against his brother, he will be subject to death by
judgment. And who says to his brother, Fool, he is subject to death
by the council. And who says, Moron, will be subject into the
Gehenna of the fire. Thus if you offer your gift upon the altar and
there remember that your brother holds something against you,
leave your gift there in front of the altar and first reconcile to your
brother and then come and offer your gift. Be of good mind to your

!865

opponent quickly, while you are in the road with him so that the
opponent will not hand you over to the judge and the judge to the
server so that you will be thrown into prison. Truly I say to you, You
will not come out from there until you give over each penny.
You heard that is was said, Do not commit adultery. But I say to
you that everyone who looks at a woman and desires her already
committed adultery with her in his heart. And if your right eye
scandalizes you, pluck it out and throw it away from you. For it
gives a benefit to you so that it may destroy on of your members
and your whole body may not be thrown into Gehenna. And if your
right hand scandalizes you, cut it off and throw it from you. For it
gives a benefit to you so that one of your members may perish and
the whole of your body may depart into Gehenna.
And it was said, Whoever divorces his wife, give to her a
statement of divorce. But I say to you that everyone who divorces
his wife besides of the principle of fornication makes her to commit
adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.
Again you heard that it was said to those of old, Do not swear
falsely, but return to the Master your oaths. But I say to you not to

!866

swear at all. You may swear neither in the sky, that it is the throne
of God, nor in the earth, that it is the footstool of His feet, not into
Hierosoluma, that it is the city of the great King, nor in your head,
that you are not able to make a hair dark or light. But may your
word by, Yes, yes, or, No. What is beyond these of these is out of
evil.
You heard that is was said, An eye in against an eye, and, A
tooth against a tooth. But I say to you, Do not stand against the evil.
But whoever thrashes into your right cheek, turn to him also the
other. And to him who wishes to judge and to take your shirt, give to
him also your cloak. And whoever presses you into serving a mile,
go with him two. Give to him who seeks of you, and do not turn
back him who desires to borrow from you.
You heard that it was said, Love your neighbor, and hate your
enemy. But I say to you, love your enemies and pray on behalf of
those who persecute you, in such manner as that you may become
sons of your father who is in the skies, that he makes His sun to
rise upon the evil and the good and rains upon the righteous and
unrighteous. For if you love those who love you, what reward to you

!867

have? Do not the tax-collectors do the same? And if you greet your
brothers alone, what do you exceed? Do not the people of the
nations do the same? Thus you will be complete as your heavenly
Father is complete.
But offer your righteousness that you may not do so before men
so that you may be seen by them. Otherwise, you do not have a
reward from your Father Who is in the skies. Thus whenever you do
a merciful act, do not sound the trumpet before yourself, even as
the actors do in the synagogues and in the streets, in such a
manner as to be glorified by men. Truly I say to you, They received
their reward. But while you do a merciful act, may your left hand not
know what your right hand does, in such a manner so that your
merciful act may be done in secret. And your Father Who seen in
the secret will return to you [your reward].
And whenever you pray, you will not be as the actors, that they
love to pray standing in the synagogues and in the corner of
streets, in such a manner as so that they may bee seen by men.
Truly I say to you, they received their reward. But whenever you
pray, go into your inner room, close your door, and pray to your

!868

Father Who is in Secret. And your Father Who sees in the secret
will return to you [your reward]. And when you pray, do not speak
much as do the people of the nations, for they think that in their
many words they will be heard. Thus do not be like them. For your
Father knows of what you hold need before you ask Him. Thus you
will pray in this way: Our Father Who is in the skies. Your name is
to be made holy. Your kingdom is to come. Your will is to come
about. As [things are] in the sky, so also [may they be] upon the
earth. Give us our super-substantial bread. And dismiss our debts
as we dismissed for our debtors. And do not lead us into
temptation, but protect us away from the Evil. For if you dismiss the
sins of men for them, your heavenly Father will also dismiss for
you. And if you do not dismiss for men, neither will your Father
dismiss yours.
And whenever you fast, do not do so as the actors of sad face,
for they hide their faces in such manner so that they may show their
fasting to me. Truly I say to you, They received their reward. But
when you fast, put oil on your head and wash your face, in such a
manner so that you may not appear as though you were fasting to

!869

men but to your Father who is in the hidden [place]. And your
Father Who sees in the hidden [place] will return to you [your
reward].
Do not store a treasure for yourself upon the earth, where moths
and copper destroy and where thieves break in and steal. For
where your treasure is, there also your heart will be. The lamp of
the body is the eye. Thus if your eye may be pure, your whole body
will be bright. But if your eye may be evil, the whole body will be
dark. Thus if the light which is in you is dark, how great is the
darkness? No one is able to serve two masters. For either he will
hate one and love the other, or he will cling to one and have
contempt for the other. You are not able to serve God and wealth.
Through this I say to you, do not have concern for your soul about
what you may eat or what you may drink, nor what you may wear.
Is not the soul more than meat, and the body more than clothes?
Look into the birds of the sky that do not sow nor reap nor bring
together into storehouses, and your heavenly Father feeds them?
Are you not instead greater than them? But who out of you is able
to place one cubit upon his height by [having] anxieties? And what

!870

do you care for concerning clothes? Observe how the lilies of the
field grow. They do not work or spin. But I say to you that Solomon
in all his glory clothed as one of these. And if God clothes the hay
of the field, which is [existing] today and is thrown tomorrow into the
oven, , [will he not do so] for you by much more instead, oh you of
little faith? Thus do not be anxious saying, What will we eat? Or,
What will we drink? Or, What will we wear? For all the nations seek
these. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all of these.
But first seek the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all
these things will be placed to you. Thus do not have concern into
tomorrow, for the tomorrow will worry about itself. The day's evil [is]
a sufficient thing for itself.
Do not judge so that you may not be judged. For in what
judgement you judge, you will be judged, and in what meter you
measure, it will be measured to you. And do you see some straw in
the eye of your brother, and in your own eye do you not perceive a
bar? Or how do you say to your brother, Allow that I may pull out
the straw from your eye, and behold, the bar in your eye? Actor,

!871

first pull out the bar from your eye, and then you will see clearly to
pull the straw from your brother's eye.
Do not give your holy thing to the dogs nor throw your pearls
before pigs, so that they may not trample them under their feet and
then turn and break you.
Seek, and it will be given to you. Ask, and you will find. Knock,
and it will open to you. For all who ask receive, and who seeks
finds, and to the one knocking it will be opened. Or who is a man
out of you, whom his son asks for bread, do you give him a stone?
Or also he asks for a fish, do you give him a snake? Thus if you
who are evil know to give good gifts to your children, by how much
instead will the Father who is in the skies give good things to those
who ask Him.
Thus all things, whatever you wish that men may do for you, do
you also for others. For this is the law and the prophets.
Enter in through the narrow gate, that broad [is] the gate and
wide is the road which leads away into the destruction and many
are coming in through it. Because the gate is straight and the road
afflicting which leads off into life and few will be finders of it.

!872

 Hold away from the false prophets, whoever comes to you in

clothes of sheep, but from within are thieving wolves. From their
fruits you will know them. Does one gather grapes from thorns or
figs from thistles? Thus every good tree makes beautiful fruit, and
the rotten tree makes evil fruit. A good tree is not able to make evil
fruit, nor is a rotten tree able to make beautiful fruit. Every tree that
does not make beautiful fruit is cut down and thrown into fire. Thus
you will know them from their fruits.
Not all who say to me, Lord, Lord, will enter into the kingdom of
the skies, but he who does the will of my Father Who is in the skies.
Many sill say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in
your name, and cast out demons in your name, and did many great
powers in your name? And then I will confess to them that I never
knew them. Depart from me you workers of lawlessness.
Thus everyone who hears these principles of mine and does
them, he will be made like a prudent man who build his house upon
the rock. And the rain came down, and the rivers came, and the
winds blew, and they rushed upon that house, and it did not fall, for
it had been founded upon the rock. And everyone who hears these

!873

principles of mine and does not them, he will be made like a

moronic man who build his house upon the sand. And the rain
came down, and the rivers came, and the winds blew, and they
struck that house, and if fell, and its fall was great.
And it happened when Jesus completed these principles, the
crowds were amazed upon his teaching. For [He] was teaching
them as One holding authority and not as their scribes.
And having come down from the mountain, the many crowds
followed Him. And behold, a leper came and worshipped Him while
saying, Lord, if you will, be able to cleanse me. And extending His
hand, he touched while saying, I do will it. You are cleansed. And
immediately his leprosy was cleansed. And Jesus said to Him, See,
do not speak to anyone, but go, show yourself to the priest and
offer the gift which Moses assigned into the witness for them.
And after he came into Kapharnaoum, a centurion came to Him,
asking and saying to Him, Lord, my child lies paralyzed in my
house and is terribly tortured. And He said to Him, I will come and
care for him. And the centurion responded and said, Lord, I am not
sufficient so that you may enter in under my roof, but only say the

!874

word, and my child will be healed, For I also am a man of authority,

having soldiers under me, and dI say to this one, Go, and he goes,
and to another, Come, and he comes, and to my slave, Do this, and
he does. And when Jesus heard, he was amazed and said to those
following [Him}, Truly I say to you, I found no one with such faith in
Israel. I say to you that many from the east and west will come and
will recline will Abraam and Isaak and Jakob in the kingdom of the
skies, but the children of the kingdom will be thrown out into the
outer darkness. At that place, there will be weeping and gnashing of
teeth. And Jesus said to the centurion, Go, as you believed, may it
happen to you. And his child was healed in that hour.
And when Jesus came into the house of Peter, he saw his
mother-in-law lying down and having a fever. And he touched her
hand and sent away the fever, and he lifted her and was ministering
to her.
And when evening came, they brought him many who had
demons. And he throw out the spirits by a word and cared for all
who had the bad things so that the word would be fulfilled, the word

!875

through Esaias the prophet which says, He took out weaknesses

and carried our sicknesses.
And when Jesus saw the crowd around him, He ordered to go
away across the sea. And when he came, a scribe said to him,
Teacher, I will follow you wherever you may go. And Jesus said to
him, the foxes have dens and the birds encamp in the sky, but the
Son of man does not have a place to lay his head. And another of
his disciples said to Him, Lord, allow me first to go and bury my
father. And jesus said to him, Follow me and allow the dismiss the
dead to bury their own dead.
And His disciples followed Him after he stepped into a boat. And
behold, a great shaking came in the sea so that the boat was
covered by waves, but He was sleeping. And they came to Him and
awoke Him, saying, Lord, save [us]. We are being destroyed. And
He said to them, Why are you afraid, you of little faith? Then he
rose and rebuked the winds and the sea, and the became a great
calm. And the men wondered and said, What kind [of man] is this
that also the winds and the sea listen to Him?

!876

 And when He came across the sea into the region of Gadarenon,
two possessed men came to him out of the cemetery. [They were]
very fierce so that no one was able to go across through that road.
And behold, they cried out and said, What [is there] to us and to
you, Son of God? Did you come here to torture us before the time?
But there was a herd of many pigs feeding far off from them. And
the demons were asking and said to Him, If you cast us out, send
us into the herd of pigs. And He said to them, God. And they left
and went away into the pigs. And behold, the whole herd ran
vigorously down into the sea and died in the waters. And the
shepherds fled, came into the city, and announced everything and
the things concerning the possessed. And behold, the whole town
came out to meet Jesus and seeing Him there were asking so that
He would go across their borders.
And ascending into the boat, he crossed the sea and came into
His own country. And behold, they were bringing to Him a paralytic
lying upon a bed. And seeing their faith, Jesus said to the paralytic,
Have courage, child. Your sins are forgiven. And behold, some of
the scribes said in themselves, This one blasphemes. And seeing

!877

their thoughts at heart, Jesus said, Why do you think evil in your
hearts? For what is easier to say, Your sins are forgiven, or to say,
Rise and walk? And so that you may see that the son of man holds
authority upon the earth to forgive sins, then he said to the
paralytic, Rise and take your bed and go into your house. And he
rose and left into his house. And the crowds saw [this] and were
frightened and gave consent of belief to God Who gave authority
such as this to men.
And when Jesus crossed over from there, He saw a man sitting
upon the custom-house, a man named Matthaios, and He said to
Him, Follow Me. And he rose and hollowed Him. And it happened
that [Jesus] was lying at dinner in his house, an behold, many taxcollectors and sinners were coming and lying at dinner with Jesus
and His disciples. And the Pharisaioi saw [this] and said to His
disciples, Why does you teacher eat with tax-collectors and
sinners? And hearing [this], He said, The strong do not have need
of a doctor but those holding badness. But go and learn what is
[written], I desire mercy and not a sacrifice. For I did not come to
call the righteous but to call sinners.

!878

 Then the disciples of John came to Him saying, Why do we and

the Pharisaioi fast much, but your disciples do not fast? And Jesus
said to them, Are the sons of the marriage bed able to lament upon
as long as the groom is with them? And the days will come when
then groom may be taken away from then, and then they will fast.
And no one pieces an old garment with a piece of new cloth. For its
piece rips from the garment and [makes] a worse hole. Nor do they
throw new wine into old wineskins. Otherwise, the skins break and
the wine pours out and the skins are destroyed. But they put new
wine into new wineskins, and both are conserved.
[While] He was saying these things to them, behold, a ruler came
and worship Him while saying, My daughter just now died. But
come and put your hand upon her, and she will live. And Jesus
roused, and He and His disciples followed him. And behold, a
woman who was bleeding for twelve years came behind [Him] and
touched the edge of His garment. For she said in herself, if only I
may touch His garment, I will be saved. And Jesus turned and saw
her and said, Have courage, daughter. Your faith has saved you,
and the woman was saved from that hour.

!879

 And Jesus came into the house of the ruler and saw the musician
and the noisy crowd. He said, Go back, for the girl did not die but is
sleeping. And they were laughing at Him. But when the crowd was
thrown out, He entered and seized her hand and raised up the girl.
And the rumor itself went out into that whole land.
And Jesus left there. Two blind men followed Him while crying
and saying, Have mercy on us, Son of David. And when He came
to the house, the blind men came up to Him, and Jesus said to
them, Have faith that I am ale to do this. They said to Him. Yes,
Master. Then He touched their eyes and said, According to your
faith, may it happen to you. And their eyes were opened, and Jesus
warned them and said, See that no one may know. But they went
out and made it known in all of that land. And as they went out,
behold, they brought Him a mute man with a demon. And when He
threw out the demon, the mute spoke. And the crowds wondered
and said, Never has it appeared thus in Israel. And the Pharisaioi
said, In the ruler of the demons does He cast out demons.
And Jesus went around all the cities and villages and taught in
their synagogues and preached the good news of the kingdom and

!880

took are of all sickness and all softness. And seeing the crowds, He
had compassion concerning them, that they had been troubled and
had been thrown out as though sheep without a shepherd. Then He
said to His disciples, On one hand, the harvest [is] great, but few
work it. Thus pray to the Lord of the harvest so that He may send
out workers into His harvest.
And He called His twelve disciples and gave them authority of
unclean spirits so that they may cast them out and may care for all
sickness and all softness. And of the twelve missionaries, the
names are these: first Simon who is called Peter and Andreas his
brother, and Jakob of Sdebedaios and John his brother, Philip and
Bartholomaios, thomas and Matthaios the tax-collector, Jacob of
Alphaios and Thaddaios, Simon the Kanaanite and Joudas the
Iskariot who also handed Him over.
Jesus sent out these twelve and commanded them, saying, Do
not go off into the road of the nations and do not enter into the city
of the Samaritans. But rather go toward the sheep of the house of
Israel who have been destroyed. And when you go, preach and say
that the kingdom of the skies has approached. Care for the weak,

!881

raise the dad, clean the lepers, cast out demons. Accept gifts, give
gifts. Do not possess gold or silver or copper into your belts. [Do]
not [take] a pouch into the road nor two tunics nor shoes nor a staff.
For the workman is worthy of his food.
And into whatever city or town you enter, inquire who is worthy in
it, and there remain until you leave. And when you enter into the
house, greet it. And if the house may be worthy, your peace is to go
upon nit, but if it is not worthy, your peace is to turn toward you. And
who does not receive you nor listen to your principles, when you
leave out of the house or that city, shake out the dust of your feet.
Truly I say to you, it will be more bearable to the land of Sodom and
Gomorra in the day of judgment than in that city.
Behold, I send you as sheep in the middle of wolves. Thus
become prudent as serpents and as pure as doves. And beware
men. For they will hand you over into the council and will whip you
in their synagogues. And you will be lead upon governors and kings
on account of me so that you may witness to them an to the
nations. And when they hand you over, do not be anxious about
how or what you will speak. For what you will speak will be given to

!882

you in that hour. For you are not the speakers but the Spirit of your
Father [is] Who speaks in you. And brother will hand over brother
into death and a father [the same to his] child, and children will rise
up against upon [their] parents and will kill them. And you will be
hated by all through my name. And who remained into this end will
be saved. And when they persecute you in this city, flee into the
other. For truly I say to you, you will not complete the cities of Israel
until the Son of man comes.
There is not a disciple above the teacher nor a slave above his
master. [It is] sufficient to the disciple so that he may become as his
teacher an the slave as his master. If they called the master of the
house [to be] Beelsdeboul, by how much more [will they malign]
those of his household? Thus do not be afraid of them. For nothing
has been hidden which will not be revealed and that which is hiding
which will not be known. What I say to you in darkness, you are to
say in the light, and what you hear in the ear, announce upon the
houses. And do not fear the those who kill the body but they not
able to kill the soul. But rather fear the one able to kill both the soul
and the body in Gehenna. Are not two sparrows sold for a copper

!883

coin? And one out of them will not fall upon the earth without your
Father. And also all the hairs of your head have been numbered.
Thus do not fear. You are [more valuable] than many sparrows.
Thus all who will confess in me before men, I also will confess in
him before my Father Who [is] in the skies. And who deny me
before men, I also will deny him before My Father who [is] in the
skies.
Do not think that I came to throw peace upon the earth. I did not
come to throw peace but a sword. For I came to divide into two,
man against his father, and, daughter against her mother, and,
bride against her mother-in-law, and, the enemies of a man [to be]
of his own household. Who loves father or mother above me is not
worthy of me, and who loves son or daughter over me is not worthy
of me. And who does not accept his cross and follows behind Me is
not worthy of me. Who found his soul will kill it, and who killed his
soul on account of Me will find it.
Who receives you receives Me, and who receives Me receives
the One Who sent Me. Who receives a prophet into the name of the
prophet will receive the wage of a prophet, who receives a

!884

righteous man into the name of a righteous man will receive the
wage of a righteous man. And who will give to one of these small
ones to drink a cup of cold water only, in the name of a disciple,
truly I say to you, he will not lose his wage. And it happened when
Jesus completed arranging his twelve disciples, He went over from
there to instruct and to preach in their cities.
And John, when he heard in prison about the works of Christ,
sent through his disciples and said, Are you the One Who is coming
or are we expecting another? And Jesus answered and said to
them, When you return, report to John what you hear and see, The
blind look up, and the lame walk, the lepers are cleaned, and The
deaf hear, and, The dead are being awoken, and, The beggars are
told the good news. And wealthy is he who will not be scandalized
in me.
And while they departed, Jesus began to speak to the crowds
concerning John, Why did you go out into the desert? To gaze at a
reed being shaken by the wind? But why did you go out? To see a
man having been clothed in soft things? Behold, those carrying the
soft things are in the houses of the king. But what did you go out to

!885

see? A prophet? Yes, I say to you, and more than a prophet. This is
concerning what has been written, Behold, I send out my angel
before Your face, who will prepare your road in front of You. Truly I
say to you, There has not awoken among those born of women
[one] greater than John the Baptist, and who is the smaller in the
kingdom of the skies is greater than him. And from the days of John
the Baptist until now the kingdom of the skies suffers violence, and
violent men plunder it. For all the prophets and the law until John
prophesied. And if you wish to receive, he is Elias who is later to
come. Who has ears, he is to hear.
And what shall I compare this generation to? It is like children
sitting in the marketplaces who yell to one another and say, We
played the flute to you, and you did not dance. We sang a lament,
and you did not mourn. For John came neither eating nor drinking,
and they said, He has a demon. The Son of man came eating and
drinking, and they said, Behold, the man is a glutton and a drunk, a
friend of tax-collectors and sinners. And is wisdom made righteous
away from her works.

!886

 Then He began to reproach the cities in which most of the His

wonders happened, that they did not repent. Woe to you,
Khorasdin. Woe to you, Bethsaida, that it the wonders which
happened in you happened in Tyros and Sidon, they would have
repented in sackcloth and ashes. But yet I say to you, it will be
more tolerable in the day of judgment for Tyros and Sidon than for
you. And you, Kapharnaoum, are not you lifted to the sky? You will
descend to Haides. That if the wonders happened in Sodoma which
happened in you, they would remain until today. But still I say to you
that in the land of Sodoma it will be more tolerable than for you in
the day of judgment.
In that time, Jesus answered and said, I confess to You, Father,
Master of the sky and of the earth, that I hid the things from the
wise and prudent and revealed them to the children. Yes, Father,
that thus good pleasure happened before You.
All things were given to me from my Father, and no one knows
the Son if not the Father, nor does one know the Father if not the
Son and to whom the Son wishes to reveal [Him].

!887

 Come to Me all who labor and have been loaded, and I will make
you cease. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, that I am
mild and humble in the heart, and, You will find cessation in your
souls. For My yoke is kind and My burden is light.
In that time Jesus went through the grain fields on the Sabbath.
And His disciples were hungry and began to pluck the grain and to
eat [them]. And the Pharisaioi saw [this] and said to Him, Behold,
You disciples do what is not allowed to do on the Sabbath. And He
said to them, Do you not know what David did when and those with
him was hungry, how they entered into the house of God and ate
the bread which was place before [God] and which he and those
with him were not allowed to eat in [they were] not of the priests
alone? Or Do you not know in the law that on the Sabbath, the
priests profane the Sabbath in the temple and are blameless? And I
say to you that thus [One] is greater than the temple. And if you had
known what is [written], I desire mercy and not sacrifice, you would
not have given judgment to the blameless. For the Son of man is
the Master of the Sabbath.

!888

 And going from there, He came into their synagogue. And

behold, a man with a withered hand. And they were interrogating
Him and saying whether it is allowed to care for [a disease] on the
Sabbaths so that they may accuse Him. And He said to them, Who
out of you will be a man who will have one sheep, and if it falls into
a hole on the Sabbaths, will not take it and pull it out? Thus how
much [more] valuable is a man than a sheep? Thus it is allowed to
do well on the Sabbaths. Stretch out your hand. And he stretched it
out, and it was restored [to being] healthy, as the other. And when
the Pharisaioi came out, they took council against Him as to how
they may kill Him.
And Jesus knew [this] and withdrew from there. And many
followed Him, and He cared for all their [diseases] and warned
them so that they may not make Him manifest, so that the thing
said through Esaias the prophet may be filled, the prophet who
says, Behold My Boy Whom I chose, My Beloved into Whom My
soul is pleased. I will place My Spirit upon Him, and He will report
judgment to the nations. He will not strive nor cry, nor will one hear
His voice in the streets. He will not break a broken reed and will not

!889

quench a smoldering candle, until he leads judgment into victory.

And the nations will hope in His name.
Then there was brought to Him a blind and mute man with a
demon, and He cared for Him, so that the mute man may talk and
see. And all the crowds were being amazed and said, Is This not
the Son of David? And when the Pharisaioi heard them, they said,
This is not Who casts out demons if not in Beelsdeboul, the rule of
demons. But knowing their thoughts, He said to them, The whole
kingdom divided according to itself will not be made to stand. And if
Satan casts out Satan, he was divided upon himself. Thus how will
his kingdom make itself to stand? And if I cast out demons in
Beelsdeboul, in whom are your sons cast out? Through this the
judges will be yours. But if I cast out demons in the Spirit of God,
did the kingdom of God come to you? Or how is one able to enter
into the house of the strong (man) and to carry off his vessels, if he
will not first tie up the strong man? And then he will plunder his
house. Who is not being with Me is against me, and Who does not
gather with me scatters. Through this I say to you, all sin and
blasphemy will be forgiven to men, but the blasphemy of the Spirit

!890

will not be forgiven. And who, if he speaks a principle against the

son of man, it will be forgiven to him. But who speaks against the
Holy Spirit, it will not be forgiven to him neither in this age nor in the
future. Either you make a beautiful tree and its beautiful fruit, or you
make a rotten tree and its rotten fruit. For out of the fruit, a tree is
known. Produce of vipers, how are you able to speak good things
while being evil? For out of the abundance of the heart does the
mouth speak. The good man brings forward good out of the good
treasury, and the evil man brings forward evil out of the evil
treasury. But I say to you that inactive word which the the men
speak will be given away concerning its principle in the day of
judgment. For out of your principles will you be made righteous,
and out of your principles will you be judged greatly.
Then some of the scribes and Pharisaioi responded to Him,
saying, Teacher, we wish to see a sign from you. But he answered
and said to them, An evil and adulterous generation seeks upon a
sign, and a sign will not be given to it if not the sign of Jonas the
prophet. For even as [it is written], Jonas was in the belly of the sea
monster three days and three nights, thus there will be the Son of

!891

man in the heart of the earth three days and three nights. The
Ninevite men will be made to stand in the judgment with this
generation, and they will pass a sentence on them, that they
changed their minds into the preaching of Jonas, and behold, thus
more than Jonas. The queen of the south will rise up in judgment
with this generation and will judge it greatly, that she came out of
the boundaries of the earth to hear the wisdom of Solomon, and
behold, thus [she is] more than Solomon.
And when the unclean spirit comes out from the man, he went
through the waterless place seeking rest and does not find [it].
Then he says, I will return into my house from where they I left. And
when he comes, he finds it vacant, having been swept clean and
having been arranged. Then he advances and takes with Him
seven other of his evil spirits, enters, and dwells there. And the
ends of that man happen worse than the first. Thus will be all to this
evil generation.
Yet, while He was speaking to the crowds, behold, His Mother
and brothers had stood outside seeking to speak to Him. And
someone said to Him, Behold, Your Mother and Your brothers have

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stood outside seeking to speak to you. And He responded and said

to those speaking to Him, Who is My Mother and My brothers? And
He extend His hand upon His disciples and said, Behold My mother
and My brothers. For whoever does the will of My Father in the
skies, he is My brother and sister and mother.
In that day, Jesus left and was sitting by the sea. And many
crowds were gathered toward Him, so that He stepped into a boat
to be seated, and all the crowd had stood upon the shore. And He
spoke to them many things in parables, saying, Behold, the sower
went out to sow. And while he sowed, some he threw by the road,
and the birds came and ate them. And others he threw upon the
rocks where they were having not much ground, and immediately
they sprung up because they did not have depth of soil. And when
the sun rose, it burned and dried [them] up because they did not
have a root. And others he through upon the thorns, and the thorns
rose and choked them. And others he through upon the beautiful
earth, and they were giving fruit, a hundred, sixty, or thirty. Who has
ears, he is to hear.

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 And the disciples came and said to Him, Why do you speak to
them in parables? And He answered and said to them that, to you it
has been given to know the mysteries of the kingdom of the skies,
and to those it has not been given. For whoever has, it will be given
to Him and it will abound. And whoever does not have, also what he
does have will be taken away from him. BEcause of this, I speak to
them in parables, that seeing they do not see and hearing they do
not hear nor understand, and the prophecy of Esaias is fulfilled to
them which says, By a sound you hear and do not understand, and
hearing you see and do not perceive. For the heart of this people
was fattened, and they heard heavily by their ears, and they closed
their eyes, that they would never behold by their eyes and hear by
their ears and know by their heart and turn around, and I will heal
them. But wealthy [are] your eyes that they see and your ears that
they hear. For truly I say to you that many prophets and righteous
men desired to perceive what you see and to hear what you hear
and did not hear.
Thus you hear the parable of the sower. All who hear the
principle of the kingdom and do not understand, the evil comes and

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carries away that which has been sown in his heart. This is that
which is sown by the road. And what is sown upon the rocks, this is
who hears the principle and immediately takes it with joy, but he
does not have a root in himself but is temporary, and when affliction
or pursuit happens because of the principle, he is immediately
scandalized. And who is sown into the thorns, this is who hear the
principle, and the care of the age and the deceit of the wealth
choke the principle, and he becomes fruitless And who is sown
upon the beautiful earth, this is who hears the word and
understands, who indeed bears fruit and makes what [is] a
hundred, sixty, or thirty.
He gave another parable to them and said, The kingdom of the
skies was made similar to a man who sowed beautiful seed in his
field. But when the men were sleeping, his enemy came and sowed
weeds in the middle of the grain and left. And when the grain
sprouted and made fruit, then did the weeds also appear. And the
slaves of the master of the house came and said to him, Master, did
you not sow beautiful seed in the field? Thus from where does the
weeds hold? And he said to them, This hateful man did [this]. And

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the slaves said to him, Do you wish us to go and get them? And he
said, No, when you collect and root out the weeds, at the same
time [you would root out] the grain [with] them. Let them each go to
increase until the reaping, and the time of the reaping, I will say to
the reapers, Gather first the weeds and tie them into bundles to
burn them, and bring the grain together into my storehouse.
He put forth another parable, saying, The kingdom of the skies is
like a seed of mustard, which a man took and planted in his field. It
is smaller than all the seeds, but when it is increased, it is bigger
than the vegetables and becomes a tree, so that, The birds of the
sky come and encamp in its branches.
He spoke another parable to them, saying, The kingdom of the
skies is like a leaven, which a woman took and covered in three
measures of flour until all of it was leavened. Jesus spoke all these
things in parables to the crowds and said nothing to them without
parables, so that the word through the prophet would be fulfilled
which says, I will open my mouth in parables, I will roar the things
which have been hidden from the foundation of the world.

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 Then he sent away the crowds and came into the house. And His
disciples came to Him and said, Explain the parable of the weeds of
the field to us. And He answered and said, The One sowing the
beautiful seed is the Son of man, and the filed is the world, and the
good seed is those who are the sons of the kingdom, and the
weeds are the sons of the evil, and the enemy is the one who
sowed them, the Devil, and the harvest is the end of the age, and
the harvesters are the messengers. Thus just as if he collects the
weeds and burns them completely by fire, thus it will be in the end
of the age. The Son of man will send away His messengers, and
they will gather all the scandals and those who do lawlessness out
of His kingdom, and, they will throw them into the oven of the fire.
There will be weeping and the biting of teeth at that place. Then the
righteous will shine as the sun in the kingdom of their Father. Who
has ears, he is to hear.
The kingdom of the skies is like a treasure which has been
hidden in a field, which a man found and hid, and [because of] his
joy, he advances and sells all which he has and buys that field.

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 Again, the kingdom of the skies is like a man who is a merchant

seeking beautiful pearls. And finding a pearl of much honor, he
leaves and has sold all which he was having and bought it.
Again, the kingdom of the skies is like a net which was thrown
into the sea and brought together [fish] out of every kind [of fish],
which, when it was filled, [men] bring up upon the beach and sat
and laid together the beautiful ones into the boat, and threw the
rotten ones outside. Thus it will be in the completion of the age. The
messengers will go out and distinguish the evil ones out of the
middle of the righteous. There will be weeping and the biting of
teeth at that place.
Do you understand all these things? They said to Him, Yes. And
He said to them, For that reason every scribe who was taught by
the kingdom of the skies is like a man who is a master of a house,
whoever brings out the new and the old out of his treasury.
And it happened that when Jesus finished these parables, he
moved from there. And coming into His fatherland, He taught them
in their synagogue so that they were amazed and said, From where
[is] the wisdom itself and the powers to Him? Is this not the Son of

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the carpenter, is not His Mother called Maria and His brothers
Jakob and Joses and Simon and Joudas? And His sister, are they
not all at us? From where then are all these things to This [Man]?
And they were scandalized in Him, and Jesus said to them, Is a
prophet not dishonored if not in his fatherland and in his house?
And through their unbelief, He did not do many powers there.

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