"THE ROLE OF DIALOGUE AND NARRATIVE"

by Jan Fields
Most of us know what dialogue means - it is the words spoken by a character in a
story. And because we love to listen to people speak, some new writers will write
full stories that are only dialogue with accompanying speech tags to identify each
speaker. This kind of "disembodied voices" story does not sell because it doesn't
feel real to the reader. In short stretches, disembodied voices can be used for
effect - for example, when the voices really are disembodied. But in all other
situations, readers need more than dialogue to root them to the story - they need
detail.
The narrative is the parts of the story that contain the action and setting detail. In
a first person novel, the narration is spoken by the main character and must
maintain the voice of the main character. It's this element that makes first person
challenging for many writers. With first person, you voice must never slip out of
the speech patterns, word choices, and attitude of your main character.
In a third person novel, the narrator will usually reflect a distinctly similar style of
the main character, even though it is not the main character himself. But the
voice doesn't need to be an exact match. You do want to avoid using an adult
voice at this point though - so think of your narration as sounding like a peer of
the main character. About the same age but not with the same emotional
investment. This allows the narration to pay more attention to details of action
and setting that the first person narrator might not bother to share.
LOOKING AT THE DIALOGUE
Dialogue is the actual spoken conversations of the character - the bits found in
the quotation marks. Like Alice in Wonderland, many young people will scan the
page looking for "conversations" because dialogue shows the story will be about
people. The young reader is much more interested in the people and what they do
and say than he is in long exposition or lengthy lyrical passages about the
weather or color of the clouds. Dialogue is often where we meet the personality of
the characters and find the humor of the story.
Although dialogue gives voice to the characters, that cannot be all it does.
Dialogue is unbreakably tied to the plot and must be essential to the plot. If two
characters ramble on about pansies, pansies must be essential to the plot of the
story. It isn't enough that the discussion shows the characters are quiet
homebodies, it must also move something forward. Everything in your story must
help that forward motion that is the plot. Because of this, the best dialogue is set
inside the action of the story. And because of this, editors often look askance at
the long passages of lecture-ish dialogue between your main character and a wise
adult - these passages often interrupt plot action, bringing the story to a painful
halt.
WHAT DIALOGUE IS NOT
Dialogue should not be used to replace action. Many newer writers have all action
take place "off stage" and we only know about it because a character thinks about
it or talks about it. Imagine if a movie did that. Nothing every happening on the
screen but two people sitting in chairs and talking at one another - how quickly
would we turn away from that? But many writers do try this because they are
more comfortable have a character tell about an action than they are having the
characters do the action right there in front of us. If your story could be written as
a radio play simply by moving the speech tag to the left side - you definitely have
a problem. Give the reader things to see - not just voices to hear.

Dialogue is also not a way to dump the details on the reader. Dialogue can sneak
in details, but never ever dump. For example, this would be bad dialogue:
"What's the matter?" Beth asked. "I haven't seen you this droopy since Dad up
and left in the middle of the night last year and we all had to try to figure out how
to survive on Mom's bitty income waiting tables at the Awful Waffle."
"Yeah," Bobby said, thoughtfully as he remembered those terrible days of
questioning whether he was the reason Dad left. Dad never liked Bobby's interest
in books and drawing instead of sports and hunting. "But this is even worse.
There's a bully at school who is picking on me. You know how much shorter I am
than all the other guys and how I can't seem to put on weight no matter how
much I eat. Mom says I'm scrawny as a plucked chicken. How can I deal with a
bully who is twice my size?"
That kind of dialogue is marked by characters telling each other things they
already know for the sake of the reader. Kids aren't fooled by that. They know it's
fake and thus it pushes them away from the characters instead of making the
story more emotionally real. That doesn't mean you can't sneak in hints about the
past:
Beth walked over and plunked down beside Bobby. "So, what's the matter this
time?"
Bobby glared at her. Sure, he hadn't been Mister Jolly the past year without Dad
but Beth acted like all he did was mope like a little kid. "Nothing."
"Right," she said. "This wouldn't have anything to do with that bruise on your
cheek would it?"
Bobby's hand flew to his face. "It shows? Mom's going to freak."
"When Mom gets home, she's too tired to see, much less freak."
Maybe, but Bobby didn't like to take the chance.
Notice how it covers much of the same ground but does it a bit more subtly and
puts things to see in front of the reader as well. That helps distract from a little
"informing" and makes it more natural and palatable. So, whenever you need to
get the reader up to speed - be sneaky.
WHAT NARRATIVE IS NOT
Narrative is not a place to pull out your poetic license and begin writing
wrecklessly. You do want to show. You do want to set a scene. You do want to
include sensory details. But you do not want to drag down the pace of the story.
You do not want to turn the story into vocabulary lessons. You do not want to
remind the reader that the person writing it is an adult with an adult's viewpoints
and prejudices. You do not want to confuse the reader or distract the reader from
the content of the story.
Many classic stories included piles and piles of description. One book I was
assigned in Junior High spent the first four pages describing the sky and the
moors. It took me a full week to get past those pages to where the story began
because that much description was so painfully dull to a twelve year old. It wasn't
that I was lazy, or stupid, or a poor reader. I was in a hurry because I was twelve
and there are always more interesting things to do than ponder clouds for four
pages - always.
Writing to modern styles of narrative doesn't mean we don't show. It means we
don't become self-indulgent. We're adults and we may be proud of the ability to
wax poetic about clouds for a thousand words but writing isn't about us. Writing is
about them - the reader. And because it's about the reader, our goal is to give
enough detail for the reader to build imagination. Not so many that they drag.
Consider these bits of narrative detail:

For younger readers: Marcus wished for snow all day. Outside the sun shone
stubbornly. Flowers bloomed in the yard. Bees flitted and buzzed. Marcus flopped
on his pillow. Feathers puffed out a tiny hole. They were white. They were floaty.
Marcus tossed the pillow in the air. Feathers fell in his hair and on his bed. Is this
what snow is like?
For intermediate readers: Silk butterflies of every hue clung to the imitation
lavender straw of the hat, or to the silk dogwoods tucked in the mint green
hatband. As Jackson gazed upon this wonder, he was reminded of the last time he
had seen so many butterflies in one place. They had been clustered on a steamy
fresh cow pie in his uncle's pasture, indulging in a sip and bit of sun.
For teens: Hope peered through the grime-crusted windows at the passing
landscape. The brush was thick but burnt brown and brittle by the relentless
drought. Rain fell into every conversation she'd heard for the past month. Rain to
quench the endless thirst. Rain to cool a land turned hellish. Rain to wash away
the gore.
Notice that each descriptive section is about the same length but the one for
younger readers has shorter sentences that mix action with detail. The
intermediate section uses humor to keep reader interest. And the third counts on
the slightly longer attention span of teens. But all use strong specific verbs in the
passages to keep a feeling of movement and vitality.
The most successful stories balance both narrative (keeping it full of action and
specific detail) and dialogue with each doing the job necessary to serve the plot. If
you're going to watch the weather - the weather needs to play a vital part in the
story plot. If you're going to look at butterflies on a silk hat for a whole paragraph,
they better be important to the story plot. And if you're going to stare out the
window at the drought-stricken landscape, what we see needs to be important to
plot. Cool description only works when it works for the story. So, what balance
works for your story today?
BASIC RULES OF DIALOGUE
In fiction, successful dialogue serves one, and usually more of these purposes:
Advances story.
Develops character.
Moves plot.
Illuminates theme or meaning.
Provides time transition, usually subtle.
Changes direction of plot, usually through conflict.
Creates voice and tone, either for story or character.
Provides understanding of enlightenment for characters.
Illuminates desire and motivation.
Supports attribution with consistent syntax and ideation.
Meets rhythmic necessity of human speech compatible with story dialogue.
Adds drama (through conflict and resultant action).
Provides movement for story ideas and plot.
In fiction, successful dialogue (almost) NEVER:
Is used only to break up a narrative passage.
Tells what was really said in an authors experience.
Provides exposition in any way that questions credibility.
Is static prose.
Provides prose context for author-clever simile (or metaphor).
Slows down story-plot movement.
Inappropriately provides setting that is better in narrative.
Addresses author opinion.
Mimics what a character might say in the real world.
Is a conversation in quotes without story purpose.

In great fiction, dialogue is not intuitive, and it does not come naturally to writers. Most importantly,
for effective dialogue in fiction, authors cannot simply describe a dialogue from real experience or
from an imagined scene. Basically, dialogue is always created for the purpose of story development,
therefore, it cannot function as a taped recording of reality; and it must be stripped of nuances that
may not be true to the story or confuse the reader. In revision of dialogue, these questions are
useful: Is dialogue logical? Does it fit character desire and motivation? Does it support theme and
meaning? Does it move?
IDEAS FOR IMPROVEMENT
A. CHARACTERS
Think of dialogue from the characters story reality. When revising a specific dialogue segment, ask
if the dialogue is logical for the characters education; is it true to story time and the characters age,
does it match the characters emotion of the moment, does it fit the characters credible thinking and
perceptions of the moment?
B. NO AUTHORIAL THINKING IN DIALOGUE
Literary fiction is objective. Author ideas and opinions should not drive dialogue; only those ideas
and opinions that are consistent with characters and serve the purpose for the story.
C. AVOID DIRECTOR ANSWERS (kills movement)
"Is that a Gila monster?"
"Yes, I think it is."

Comment. This is not a usable dialogue. This fills time and page-space, but it does nothing for drama
or story. What about Stay back, they bite. But this has no realism to it. When nothing is working,
look for a greater problem. Should the idea be expressed in dialogue? Lets think about this for a
minute. Is that a Gila monster? may not be direct character dialogue that is useful in any story. The
dialogue is being used to inform the reader of the presence of a potentially dangerous creature. For
dramatic fiction, a scene must have a purpose, and it must have action. Is that a Gila monster? has
no effect in fiction; it sounds contrived; and it needs drama with conflict between the character(s)
and the forces of nature (monster). Realistically, the dialogue speaker must be afraid, or planning
escape, or figuring out a way to kill it, or admiring its unusually threatening size, etc. A key revision
might be to remove this information from dialogue.
D. AVOID TALKING HEADS (two character ping-pong dialogue).
Although frequently necessary, dialogue limited to two characters can quickly become dreadfully
boring (and even when talking to self in internal monologue). Conflict is essential, as in every
dialogue passage, to maintain the necessary energy for the dialogue segment. Creating dialogue
takes practice.
EXAMPLE.
cowboy

"You don't know nothin'. He damn near killed

Prettyboy. Knocked him out for two days."
More
characters
(four)-more
information
possible.

Agreement.
"That bull is a pussycat."
"I dont know why they put it in the draw."
Conflict inserted.
"That bull is a pussycat."
E. AVOID SIMILE AND METAPHOR.

"That bull is a pussycat."

"Knocked out Prettyboy."
"Shouldnt be in the draw, anyway. No reason
to get mangled by some crazy man killer."
"Comes from a family of good bulls. Wish I had
more like him."

Never use rules to guide your dialogue creation, but do carry a caution about simile and metaphor. It
is often impossible to find the right simile that fits into the context and is credible for the characters
intelligence and experience. Here is an extreme example.
Ignore her, she said. She looks like Marie Antoinette with a sex change.
Comment. This is simply dialogue created by an author who is unsuccessfully trying to be clever and
failing because the simile has no meaning or valid imagery.
She looks like shit.
Comment. Even if the author argues that this is in the vernacular of the character, and helps define
him or her, the simile is clich and adds nothing to the writing. Any metaphor that calls attention to
itself in dialogue should be deleted.
F.WHAT EXACTLY HAPPENS?
Desire and motivation? Movement? Exposition? Logic? Conflict?
EXAMPLE:
skydiver
Draft 1.
Dont do it.
I wont.
Its one of the most difficult maneuvers we
have in sky diving.
Ive never wanted to take the risk.

Comment. No conflict, even when there is

opportunity for conflict. Totally static writing,
and not credible. The pacing is wrong for the
content. And it contains exposition (about sky
diving).
Draft 2.

Dont do it.
Its why I came.
Think of Janie and Sally.
No time to think of my children.
Comment. Exposition about children: inappropriate for this story scenario. If childrens names are
already in story, this is redundant, and even if not previously introduced, mention of children is not
logical if someone is about to jump out of an airplane; that is, it is not a useful response to a fictional
situation. Note that for the experienced skydiver, jumping out of a plane might be an everyday
experience that would allow discussion about children, but rarely, and it would take careful
construction. In fiction dialogue, the emotion at the time of jump must be strong and felt by the
reader through the dialogue. No sense of emotion comes through in this dialogue, making any
discussion of children unlikely.
Draft 3.
The rip cord wont work.
Youre saying that to scare me.
Its defective.
You packed it.
Comment. Some conflict, which is an improvement. But this is not usable dialogue. Purpose must
relate to story, and purpose must be right choice for a dialogue segment. Clearly the author in
creating this dialogue has confused purposes in mind. Is this segment about defective equipment?
Desire to direct someone, blame someone? Learning about one or both charactersif so, learning
what? A good writer demands dialogue work for the story, has a clearly identifiable purpose related
to the story and story moment in time, and does not allow defective dialogue to slip into the writing.
If this really is about defective equipment, maybe it shouldnt be in dialogue. Probably better in a
narrative passage.
Draft 4.

Youve less than ten seconds.

Where is your chute?
What about you?
Five, four . . .
Count. Pull the cord. Youve got to be clear.
Where is the pin?

Comment. Youve got to be clear. probably means clear of flying objects, including the plane. This
is information no one would sayit is too obvious. This problem usually indicates need for narrative
passage or information delivered in another way, possibly internalization. Also, is Youve less than
ten seconds. credible structure for dialogue? Wouldn't a character say "Hurry!" Same revision logic
for Count. Pull the cord. Youve got to be clear. "Pull the cord!" is more efficient and acceptable.
Draft 5.
Jump.
Not without you.
Comment. Assuming two experience skydivers are in an in-flight emergency with one parachute is
already established, there is an opportunity for learning about charactersa moment of grace.
G. ABOUT SOUND
Beginning writers often spend years seeking the right sound for their dialogue. Sound is important,
but only when the dialogue fulfills a primary purpose of doing something important for the story.
There are many ways to make the dialogue sound good. To be aware of the sound, it may help to
read out loud, and if youre serious, record and listen to yourself. Always remember the dialogue in
fiction is not the way people speak, yet, paradoxically, it has to seem to be the way people speak.
How to do that? First, there has to be a natural rhythm to the context in which the speech is given. If
dialogue is related to an audience with the Pope, speech patterns will differ from those in a bar
conversation with Jelly Roll Morton. When writing, notice how the same content can have incredibly
different rhythmic presentations. Create alternatives, choose the best for your writing and story.
Musicality is more important in some styles than others, it is always present, but it must not
dominate when story-purpose of dialogue might be lost.
H. FINAL THOUGHT
The challenge of creating your own effective dialogue will not come from copying some writer you
love to read. Of course, read and learn. And then practice. But in the long run, you will need to make
many decisions about dialogue in your stories. These decisionsessential for voice, movement,
clarity, purpose, and credibilityare based on how you think about and create fictional stories, and
can only be solved by you. You are the creator, and when you succeed, your writing will be well
received, and you will have found your own unique style.