Falling off my bike

It was the day before the start of first grade and I was so excited to go on a bike
ride with my dad. We got on our bikes and headed out. As we were peddling I thought it
would just be like a normal bike ride. All of a sudden, the sidewalk started to get a little
bumpy. I got a little bit nervous and I started wobbling. The next thing I knew, I was face
down on the sidewalk. My chin was all scraped up from the sidewalk and it had started
to bleed. It burned so badly. I started hysterically crying. Then, my dad had to carry my
bike and me home. The next day, my teacher took our pictures so she could display
them on the door. Unfortunately, I had to see my photo with my scraped up chin, on the
door for the entire year.
My fish died
One day, I was going to Midtown Athletic Club with my friend. I was really looking
forward to it because we were going to go swimming and play a lot of games. They also
happened to be giving away free fish that day! I got so excited. I begged my mom to let
me get a fish, and finally she said yes. I was so happy! Right after we left Midtown, we
went to the pet store to buy my fish some food. After we got the food, we headed home.
I decided to name my fish Swimmy. The next morning when I woke up, I got very
scared. Swimmy had one eye open and was floating at the top of the bowl. Swimmy had
just died. I was really upset, and my mom made me flush it down the toilet. I was very
sad I only had Swimmy for such a short amount of time.

I got stuck in an airport bathroom

We were at the airport and we were waiting at the gate to board our plane. My
mom suggested that we use the bathroom before we leave. We headed to the bathroom
and everything was going fine, until I tried opening the bathroom door. The door would
not open! I twisted the lock every way possible. This was not good! I couldnt crawl
under because the stall doors went all the way to the ground. I tried jumping over but it
was no use. I ended up falling to the ground and scraping my knee. After a bunch of
tries, my mom went to get a maintenance man to open the stall door. He opened the
door and I finally got out. When I got out, I was hysterically crying and everyone in the
bathroom started clapping. We were going to miss our flight! We started running to the
gate. Everyone had already boarded the plane. Luckily, we got on. That was the last
time Ive ever used an airport bathroom.
The time I fainted at school
It was a normal school day at South Park Elementary School, and we were in the
middle of health class. The room was pretty hot, and I was getting very thirsty. I raised
my hand to see if I could go get my water bottle, but my teacher never called on me. I

started hyperventilating. The next thing I knew, I was on the floor and all of my
classmates were staring at me. Is this a dream? I said. It really did feel like I was
waking up from a dream. Once everyone had told me that I fainted, I was shocked. My
teacher got me up and put me in a chair outside the classroom. All of a sudden, I was
on the floor. I had passed out again. My teacher got the principal and the assistant
principal to come see me and from there they called 911. I was shocked they had to do
this because I felt completely fine, aside from being a little sleepy. The paramedics put
me onto a stretcher and carried me out of the school into the ambulance. It was kind of
awkward being carried out of the school with everyone staring at me. Once I was at the
hospital, they took my blood, and figured out that it was nothing serious. They said that I
have Vasovagal Syndrome, which is when your blood pressure drops, and it could
cause you to faint. The next day, I returned to school, and everyone was relieved that I
was okay. It was a scary experience, but now Im better prepared if something like this
ever occurs again.
I got my first phone
Jessica and I had been begging our parents for so long to get us a phone. We
even made presentations and lists of reasons why we should get one. We worked very
hard to convince them to get us one. When they finally agreed to it, we were so excited!
All of our hard work payed off. We headed straight to the AT&T store. We found
someone to help us, and he showed us all of the different types of phones. We decided
to get the 5c. I got a pink one, and Jessica got a blue one. Once the guy helping us had
set everything up, we played around with the phone for a bit. I took some selfies, tried
calling and texting people, and just explored pretty much everything. This was great!
When we got home, I put all of my friends numbers into my phone. This just shows that
when you really work hard for something, anything is possible.
When I was born
Jessica and I were born on February 7, 2003. We were both very small. About 3
pounds 14 ounces each. My parents told us that they thought they were having two
boys because we kicked so much! At about 1:47 in the morning, Jessica was born.
Exactly 27 minutes later at 2:14, I was born. My mom tells us that she was very tired
since both of us were born so late. She said that everyone in our family came to visit us
at the hospital. Our grandparents, aunts, and uncles. They all thought we were so cute.
We still have pictures of the signs the nurses made for us. Jessicas sign had her name
on it, and it said baby A, since she was born first. Mine said my name and baby B on it.
We had to stay in the hospital for another 2 weeks just until we got a little bit bigger and
they made sure that we were healthy. My parents took us home at 4 and a half pounds
each, which was still very tiny, but big enough for us to come home. When we came
home, we stayed with our grandparents for a little bit while my parents were looking for

a house. They finally found the perfect house, and thats where I still live today. Im so
lucky to have been born into such a great family.
W.8.3: Write narratives to develop real or imagined experiences or events using effective
technique, relevant descriptive details, and well-structured event sequences:
Not Yet Meeting

Approaching Standard

Meeting Standard

Exceeding Standard

Struggled to orient the

reader. Struggled to
use dialogue or
description to develop
experiences, events or
characters. Used
transitions to manage
the sequence of
events. Struggled to
convey experiences
and events. Did not
provide a conclusion.

Oriented the reader by

establishing a context
and introducing a
narrator and/or
characters. Used
dialogue, description,
and pacing to develop
experiences, events,
and/or characters.
Used a variety of
transitions shift from
one time frame or
setting to another.
Used descriptions and
sensory words to
convey experiences or
events. Provided a
conclusion that
somewhat follows
from the events.

Engaged and oriented the

reader by establishing a
context and point of view
and introducing a narrator
and/or characters. Used
dialogue, pacing,
description, and reflection
to develop experiences,
events, and/or characters.
Used a variety of
transitions and phrases to
shift from one time frame
or setting to another and
show the relationships
between experiences and
events. Used descriptions
and sensory words to
convey experiences,
action, or events. Provided
a conclusion that follows
from the events.

Engaged and oriented the

reader by setting out a
problem, situation, or
observation, establishing
one or multiple point(s) of
view, and introducing a
narrator and/or characters.
Used dialogue, pacing,
description, reflection, and
multiple plotlines to develop
experiences, events, and/or
characters. Used a variety of
transitions and phrases to
build upon each experience
and create a coherent
whole. Used descriptions
and sensory words to
convey experiences, action,
or events. Provided a
conclusion that follows from
and reflects on the events.

Comments:
Add even more sensory detail throughout (hear, smell, taste, touch, feel)
Good use of dialogue in some of your paragraphs - could have even more but when you do use it its nicely
done!
Your stories were interesting to read!

W.8.4: Produce writing where the development, organization, and style are appropriate to
task, purpose, and audience:
Not Yet Meeting

Approaching Standard

Meeting Standard

Exceeding Standard

Struggled to produce
writing where the
development,
organization, or style was
appropriate to task,
purpose, or audience.

Produced writing where

the development,
organization, or style was
somewhat appropriate to
task, purpose, or
audience.

Produced writing where

the development,
organization, and style
are appropriate to task,
purpose, and audience.

Produced writing where

the development,
organization, and style are
best suited to task,
purpose, and audience.