WHATS

INSIDE:

Whats Goin On?

Things to do
and see nearby.
PAGE 2

FEATURE:

Beyond Sexual Abuse:

Families Can
Promote Healing

SEPT

BOREDOM

BUSTERS

2016

PAGE 5

PAGE 3

R E S O U R C E S , N E W S & I N F O R M AT I O N F O R A D O P T I V E FA M I L I E S I N T E H A M A C O U N T Y

FOR TEHAMA COUNTY ADOPTIVE FAMILIES!

Go do boring grown-up stuff while the kids have fun and eat pizza!
Brought to you by ...

The Tehama
County PAS
Program
It's not too late!
Get Your ...

FREE

STARBUCKS
GIFT CARD

We only ask one small favor ...

Visit www.togetheronpurpose.org
and fill out the survey to let us know
what services YOUR FAMILY would
find valuable. Then, fill out the contact
form, and we'll send your gift card out!
Eligibility: Must be over 18. Must be a foster or adoptive
parent in the Tehama County area (we're interpreting that
pretty loosely, but keep in mind, supplies are limited).
One submission (and Starbucks card) per adult. While
supplies last. Rules are subject to change at any time.

Together on Purpose September 2016

October 1, 2016 5-9 PM

at Adventure Recreation Gymnastics Center,
2250 Barney Rd. Anderson

Questions? Call Melissa: (530) 838-1423

Group Location UPDATE!

We'd like to say a big thank you to Bridgeway

Community Church (formerly North Valley
Baptist) for so graciously letting us to use
their space for group for the past year!
Yep, I know - it's hard to believe it's been a
whole year. It seems like just yesterday we
sent out the very first Together on Purpose
newsletter and started meeting so many
wonderful adoptive families.

Alternatives to Violence has experienced

some pretty drastic changes in the past
year - for one, we've opened up a brand-new
Counseling Center in Red Bluff to accomodate
our Teen Dating Violence Prevention Program
and our Child Abuse Treatment Program, and
now ... we're ready to move our monthly

Together on Purpose group meetings to

this location as well!

Sept 20 Oct 18 @ 3:30 PM

Alternatives to Violence Counseling Center

20 Antelope Boulevard, Red Bluff

(on the corner of Antelope Blvd. & Rio St.,
in the same complex as The Copy Center)

All Adoptive
Families Welcome
Free Childcare
Provided On-Site
See You There!
1

WHATS GOIN ON?

SEPTEMBER 2016

20

bTogether on Purpose Network

& Resource Group

Tuesday, September 20, 3:30 - 4:30PM

NEW LOCATION: Alternatives to Violence
Counseling Center, 20 Antelope Blvd., Red
Bluff (on the corner of Antelope Blvd. &
Rio St., in the same complex as the Copy
Center). Come meet with professional
therapist Scott Howell, MFTI and other
Tehama County adoptive families for
support, networking and resource sharing.
Free childcare provided on-site. All
adoptive families welcome. For more
information, call 530-727-9423 or email
acurry@atvrb.org. We look forward to
seeing you there!

22

b96th Annual
Tehama District Fair

Thursday, September 22 through Sunday,

September 25. Come join the fun at the
96th Annual Tehama District Fair! Gates
open at 2PM on Friday. Visit
www.tehamadistrictfair.com for special
event scheduling and admission details.
Be sure and check out the
Maker Showcase at the Fair, courtesy
of the Tehama County Department of
Education, featuring:
Sept. 22 - Smoothie Bike Demo,
Screen Printing Demo
Sept. 23 - Kids Crafts (ages 3-9),
Build-A-Bot, Coding Workshop,
Screen Print Demo, Slime Making
Sept 24 - Paper Rockets, Snow
Day!, Maker Breaker Competition,
Screen Print Demo, LED Flashlight
Workshop
Sept. 25 - 3D Printed Pancakes,
Makey Makey Workshop, Screen
Print Demo

30

bHarvest for Health to benefit

gFamily Counseling Center

Friday, September 30, 4PM - 7PM at the

State Theatre for the Arts, 333 Oak Street,
Red Bluff. Music, Food, Drinks & AMAZING
Silent Auction Items, all for a great cause.
Dont miss this community event! For
details, visit www.statetheatreredbluff.com

OCTOBER 2016

1 RESPITE NIGHT
b

FOR ADOPTIVE FAMILIES

Saturday, October 1, at Adventure

Recreation Gymnastics Center, 2250
Barney Rd., Anderson. 5PM-9PM.
Bring the kiddos over to spend a fun
evening of games and free play at
the Gymnastics Center with staff and
volunteers from the Tehama County
PAS Program ... Grown-ups should
go do boring grown-up stuff - go to a
movie, take a nap or whatever. Pizza
will be served for the kids. Grownups will have to fend for themselves,
dinnerwise. FREE for Adoptive
Families. If you have questions, call
Melissa at 530-838-1423.

bCandlelight Walk
with Alternatives to Violence

28

Coming
Events &
Activities

b3rd Annual Ignite Opportunity

gSTEM Career Day

Friday, October 28, 9:40AM - 2:10PM

Shasta District Fairgrounds in Anderson
Freshman students from Shasta, Trinity,
Tehama, Siskiyou, Lassen and Modoc
Counties will engage with professionals from
around the North State as they share their
experiences and advice on how to succeed
in STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering,
and/or Math) based businesses. Presented
by North State STEM, Shasta Office of
Education, Shasta College and Smart
Business Resource Center. Free Event.
T-Shirts and other giveaways will be
provided. Event information available at
http://www.shastacoe.org/programs
services/northstatestem/stem/careerday.

More Resources
for Adoptive
Families:

Wednesday, October 5 at 7PM on the

Tehama County Courthouse Lawn. Join us
in honoring and remembering victims of
domestic violence and spreading the word
that you support saying NO MORE to familiy
violence in our community."Like" ATV on
Facebook for more info: www.facebook.
com/atvrb. Children welcome. Free Event.

Support Groups:

18

Support Group, Drop in Assistance, WRAP

Family Support Group ... For info, call Miko:
530-209-0817, Heather: 916-475-7198 or
Deborah: 530-896-1920

bTogether on Purpose Network

& Resource Group

Tuesday, October 18, 3:30 - 4:30PM

NEW LOCATION: Alternatives to Violence
Counseling Center, 20 Antelope Blvd., Red
Bluff (on the corner of Antelope Blvd. &
Rio St., in the same complex as the Copy
Center). Come meet with professional
therapist Scott Howell, MFTI and other
Tehama County adoptive families for
support, networking and resource sharing.
Free childcare provided on-site. All
adoptive families welcome. For more
information, call 530-727-9423 or email
acurry@atvrb.org. We look forward to
seeing you there!

Yuba, Sutter, Colusa, Glenn Counties

For Support Groups held in Yreka,

Mt. Shasta, Orland or Sacramento contact
Leslie Damschoder at 530.879.3861

Butte County Post Adoptive Services

Education:
Sierra Forever Families

Seminars on topics like Attachment,

Understanding Poverty, Understanding
Trauma, and more. Leslie Damschoder
530.879.3861

The Attach Place

Center for Strengthening Relationships

3406 American River Drive, Suite D

Sacramento, CA 95864
ce@attachplace.com (916) 403-0588

An Alternatives to Violence
Project
possible
through
collaboration
with
the Tehama
County
Department
Social Services
An Alternatives
to made
Violence
project,
madeapossible
through
partnership
with
the Tehama
CountyofPermanency
Team.

Beyond Sexual Abuse:

Families Can Promote Healing

Parents teach pre-schoolers about good and
bad touch to give them tools for avoiding
and reporting sexual abuse. But foster and
adoptive parents often don't have the luxury
of trying to prevent initial abuse. When a
sexually abused child joins their family,
the challenge is to provide a safe, healing
environment, and teach the child about
ways to safely show affection and deal with
sexuality.

Some child welfare researchers estimate

that as many as 80 percent of children in
foster care have experienced sexual abuse
of some kind. Sexual abuse involves activity
with or interaction between a child and an
older person where the intent is to sexually
arouse one or both of the parties or control
the child sexually.
Children entering foster care or moving from
care to adoption are most likely to have
experienced systemic abuse. Commonly
associated with chaotic homes where
children are not protected, this type of sexual
abuse often starts when children are very
young and is perpetrated by a parent or other
adults who move in and out of the home.

Was My Child Sexually Abused?

If your child's worker does not mention sexual
abuse, and records say nothing, did your child
escape this form of abuse? Maybe. Maybe
not. Sexual abuse often goes unnoticed and
unrecorded. Children are often reluctant to
talk about abuse due to feelings of guilt and
shame, or fear that the abuser will punish
them. Few abusers confess to their crimes
when confronted by protection workers.
Initially, a sexually abused child's behavior
may mirror that of children who have
experienced physical abuse or neglect.
Children who have been abused sexually
may be angry, be confused about parental
roles and responsibilities, mistrust adults,
and be depressed or hyperactive. Symptoms
specific to sexual abuse include sensitivity
to touch (avoiding touch or being seductively
clingy); sensitivity to exposing one's body
(being very opposed to exposure or eager
to wear scant clothing); and sexual behavior
or knowledge that is out of keeping with the
child's age.
Bottom line, even if sexual abuse is not
disclosed in the child's history, foster and
Together on Purpose September 2016

adoptive parents must be prepared to deal

with issues of sexuality and sexual abuse.

Creating a Healing Environment

Supportive discussions about abuse can
start the healing process, but children will
not talk until they feel safe. And, while you
should tell a child that she is safe, the child
may need time to see that your actions
consistently reinforce your verbal promises
of safety.
If your child shows signs of prior abuse by,
say, inappropriately touching a sibling, take
advantage of the chance to teach him about
proper behavior. Calmly, you might say, "I
know you want to feel close to your sister,
but that is not the way we get close in this
family. Let's talk about how we show love
in this family." If the inappropriate touching
happens again, you could say (again, calmly),
"Remember when we talked about showing
love in this family? What you are doing now
[name the inappropriate behavior] is not
the way we get close in this family. Can you
remember some of the ways we show love?"
Because sexually abused children are
used to relating to others sexually, and
being valued for their sexuality, non-sexual
behaviors that healthy families use to
express affection and find comfort may be
utterly foreign. Re-educating an abused child
about these alien norms takes persistence
and patience, and openness to questions
and feelings. Avoid angrily scolding the child
for sexual misbehavior, or making negative
comments that could cause him to question
his safety or withdraw.

Talking about Abuse

Some children may not be able to talk about
the abuse for a long time, but may express
intense feelings of anger or sadness. When
a child exhibits these emotions, validate the
child's feelings and reinforce the message
that the child is not at fault for past events
and is now safe. You might say, "I know
something terrible happened to you. It was
not your fault. You are safe now. We love you
and are going to do all we can to protect you."
This situation also gives you an opening to
invite further conversation: "I know you were
hurt, and I know you feel angry. When you
want to tell me what happened, I am ready to

listen." Or try a more direct approach: "I am

sad that something terrible happened to you,
and I want to understand what happened so I
can help you feel better. I wonder if someone
touched you and hurt you."
If your child is not ready to talk, let the
subject drop. Never try to force a discussion
about past abuse. When your child is finally
ready to share, make the experience as
comfortable and supportive for the child as
possible:
Use a private setting. The child's privacy
has been invaded, and you must show
respect for the child's privacy.
Assume an open posture and position
yourself at or below the child's level. You
need to look receptive and approachable.
If you want to touch or hold the child, ask
permission and frame the request as your
need. For example, "I feel so sad for you,
I'd just like to give you a hug. Would that
be okay with you?" The word "just" tells
the child the limit of touching requested.
She decides if she gets a hug, some other
contact, or no contact.
Control your emotions. Under-react, but
don't minimize the problem. If the child
thinks anger is directed at her, it will
reinforce her guilt and shame.
Encourage sharing. "I'm glad you are
telling me about this, and that you trust
me enough to share. I also know that this
is very hard for you, but what happened to
you is a part of your life and I want to know
about all of you. Nothing you tell me can
change my love for you."
Verbally reassure the child. Reiterate
that the abuse is not the child's fault.
"Adults are responsible for what they do
to children, and you could not have done
anything differently. You are a child, and
you did nothing wrong."
Ask questions. Though it may be hard to
stifle shock and disbelief, show that you
really want to know what happened by
calmly asking questions about the child's
story.
Give the child permission to have feelings.
Sexual abuse victims often experience a
mix of guilt, shame, fear, and pleasure.
Continued on Page 4

An Alternatives to Violence Project made

3 possible

Beyond Sexual Abuse ...

(Continued from Page 3)

Let the child know that these feelings are

normal.
Universalize the experience. Let your
child know that many other childrengirls
and boyshave endured the same type of
abuse.
Believe. Children rarely make up detailed
stories about sexual abuse, and if you
are the first person the child tells, your
immediate response is vitally important. A
negative reaction will reinforce the child's
low self-image and damage chances for
healing.

Ongoing Communication
Even if your child never shares details about
past abuse, keep lines of communication
open. No matter how much it goes against
your personality or philosophy, you must
tackle the topic of sexuality honestly,
repeatedly, and without flinching.
A sexually abused child must repeatedly be
taught and reminded about:
Boundaries. Sexually abused children
need to know right away that they can
set personal boundaries for touching that
other family members will respect. They
must also learn that they have no right
to invade other children's boundaries
with sexual touching, and that they have
no role in meeting their parents' or other
adults' sexual needs.
Sex. Though sexually abused children
may be all too well informed about
certain sexual activities, they may be
clueless about basic anatomy and sexual
functioning. Review the basics of male
and female anatomy, normal sexual
development, healthy sexual expression,
and how babies are conceived.
Ways to express affection. As suggested
above, sexually abused children must
learn non-sexual ways to show affection.
Parents can model various types of loving
contact such as side hugs, pats on the
shoulder, or hand holding.

Discussions in Adolescence
With the onset of puberty, children who were
sexually abused may find themselves reliving
emotions evoked by the original abuse. At
these times, foster and adoptive families
must be willing to talk openly and frequently
about developmental changes in puberty, the
impact of past trauma, and appropriate ways

to handle and express sexuality. Discussion

topics include:
Being responsible for one's own body.
Repeat and model the message that
everyone is responsible for his or her own
body and behaviors, and that women and
men can control sexual impulses. Make
rules and set expectations to help your
teen take responsibility for his actions in
social situations.
Nurturing a healthy non-sexual identity.
Because sexually abused children may
believe that sexuality is their one asset,
parents must help them develop other
interests and talents in childhood, and
support healthy extracurricular activities
in adolescence. Research indicates that
youth with a wide variety of interests and
activities are less likely to be sexually
active. Activities provide chances for
building self-esteem and allow teens to
express their individuality in non-sexual
ways. One mother of a teen with sexual
abuse history channeled her daughter's
interest in having a baby to mothering a
dog and gerbil. The girl must arrange for
the animals' care when she's away; no
one cares for the animals unless she asks
them to. When the dog needs walking in
the morning, the teen must put the dog's
needs above her desire to stay in bed. By
supporting her teen's use of pets for care
giving and reciprocal affection, the mother
has prevented early motherhood and its
more serious struggles.
Forming a healthy sexual identity.
Children who were abused by members
of the same sex may question their sexual
orientation. Help them understand that
prior sexual encounters do not necessarily
dictate sexual orientation, and that
feeling good about one's identity as a
multi-faceted man or woman is the key to
healthy relationships.
Establishing healthy sexual relationships.
Sexually abused children need adult
role models who treat each other with
respect and affection. Parents can provide
examples of proper interaction and
reinforce the family's sexual norms ("In
this family, only dad and I have sex, and
we only have sex with each other."). Candid
discussions about sex and relationships
as portrayed in movies and on television
can also help to keep life in perspective.

Support for Parents

For parents whose upbringing or beliefs
make open discussions about sex very
difficult, outside supporttherapy or
trainingmay make them better able to
address issues related to their children's
abuse history. Adoptive parent support
groups can also help. Parents who have
experience with sexually abused children
can advise a struggling parent how to discuss
sexual abuse with children, and how best to
respond to certain behaviors.
Parents may also wish to have the child see
a therapist. A therapist who is versed in
adoption and sexual abuse issues can be
a tremendous ally in helping children heal.
Organizations such as those listed below can
also offer help.
With support, foster and adoptive parents
can help sexually abused children to survive
and become healthy adults. Nurturing
families who address the realities of child
sexual abuse can break the cycle.
Adapted by Diane Riggs from Beyond Sexual Abuse:
The Healing Power of Adoptive Families, published
by Three Rivers Adoption Council in cooperation
with Wayne Duehn, PhD, Sherry Anderson, MSW,
and Kirsti Adkins, MPH.
From Adoptalk, published by the North American
Council on Adoptable Children, 970 Raymond
Avenue, Suite 106, St. Paul, MN 55114; 651-6443036; www.nacac.org.

Child Sexual Abuse

Resources:
STOP IT NOW!:
1-888-PREVENT (888-773-2362)
www.stopitnow.org
The National Children's Advocacy Center:
256.533.KIDS (5437)
www.nationalcac.org
ChildHelp USA:
1-800-4-A-CHILD (800-422-4453)
www.childhelpusa.org
National Child Sexual Abuse Helpline:
1-866-FOR-LIGHT (866-367-5444)
Crisis Text - Text 'LIGHT' to 741741
California Youth Crisis Hotline
1-800-843-5200
Alternatives to Violence Child Abuse
Treatment (CHAT) Program
Call 530-727-9423 to set up an assessment
with a CHAT Therapist.

An Alternatives to Violence
Project
possible
through
collaboration
with
the Tehama
County
Department
Social Services
An Alternatives
to made
Violence
project,
madeapossible
through
partnership
with
the Tehama
CountyofPermanency
Team.

Fall Word Jumble

mpkunpi __ __ __ __ __ __ __
kceatj __ __ __ __ __ __
noscar __ __ __ __ __ __
easelv __ __ __ __ __ __

END
START

clooflru __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __
vshreta __ __ __ __ __ __ __
nasoes __ __ __ __ __ __
ailgnlf __ __ __ __ __ __ __
Answers: pumpkin, jacket, acorns, leaves,
colorful, harvest, season, falling

BOREDOM BUSTERS
FEEEEEELING FACES :)

It's
Autumn
Again!

How many FEELING FACES can you make? Think of some feelings
you've had before - or feelings that other people might have. Write
the feeling on the line, and see if you can make the face that goes
with it. If you get stuck, ask a friend or family member to help you
think of some feelings so you can draw the faces!
Together on Purpose September 2016

An Alternatives to Violence Project made

5 possible

 An Alternatives to Violence Project made possible through a collaboration with the Tehama County Department of Social Services

SEPT

2016
R E S O U R C E S , N E W S & I N F O R M AT I O N F O R A D O P T I V E FA M I L I E S I N T E H A M A C O U N T Y

It's STILL not too late to get your ...

FREE STARBUCKS GIFT CARD

See inside for details!

1805 Walnut Street Red Bluff, California 96080

Alternatives to Violence