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Procrastination

BIBLICAL

KEYS

PRIMING THE PUMP OF MOTIVATION

First seek the counsel of the Lord.


1 Kings 22:5

BY

JUNE HUNT

Procrastination is like a stagnant pool of water.


Desire is dammed up by delay . . . the stream of success is stymied.
To free the flow, grasp what God has prioritized for you to do.
Schedule your start time and persevere in His power!
June Hunt

I.

DEFINITIONS
As much as you may want to change yourself or change another, only the deepest inner desire
(motivation) can break the barrier of procrastination. Those who are called to come alongside
to help motivate another must prime the pump with agape love.
Let us consider how we may spur one another on
toward love and good deeds.
(Hebrews 10:24)

A. Picture of Procrastination
To procrastinate means to defer action, delay or put off doing what needs to
be done.
A sluggard does not plow in season;
so at harvest time he looks but finds nothing.
(Proverbs 20:4)

Procrastination is the habit of postponement which brings both external


and internal consequences.
EXTERNAL Consequences ranging from missed deadlines and
imposed fines to lawsuits, loss of jobs and destroyed
relationships
INTERNAL Feelings ranging from mild discouragement and regret
to intense self-condemnation, distress, depression and
despair
One who is slack in his work is brother to one who destroys.
(Proverbs 18:9)

A procrastinator is pictured in Scripture as slothful, sluggish, lazy and dull.


The Old Testament Hebrew word atsel means indolent, idle or slack.
How long will you lie there, you SLUGGARD?
When will you get up from your sleep?
(Proverbs 6:9)
The New Testament Greek word okneros means tardy, indolent and irksome.
We do not want you to become LAZY,
but to imitate those who through faith and patience
inherit what has been promised.
(Hebrews 6:12)

B. Pathway of Procrastination
When facing responsibility, procrastinators tend to travel a path of predictable
thoughts, feelings and actions. The trip begins with hopeful optimism until pitfalls
of fear and apprehension start to sabotage progress. Time-wasting detours (more
enjoyable activities) and ruts of rationalization (excuses to oneself and others)
eventually create a journey that ends in shame and self-condemnation.
The way of the sluggard [procrastinator] is blocked with thorns,
but the path of the upright is a highway.
(Proverbs 15:19)

FIRST PITFALL
THINKING:

Ill start the project early this time.

FEELING:

Hopeful

ACTION:

No commitment of time to get started


ASSUMPTION
THE STARTING OF THE PROJECT WILL
SOMEHOW OCCUR SPONTANEOUSLY.

SECOND PITFALL
THINKING:

I must get started soon.

FEELING:

Anxious

ACTION:

An unwillingness to start right now


ASSUMPTION
THE DEADLINE IS NOT A PRIORITY.
THERE IS PLENTY OF TIME.

THIRD PITFALL
THINKING:

I should have started sooner.

FEELING:

Guilty

ACTION:

Become busy accomplishing things that are not the


project (reorganize desk and drawers, write overdue
letters, make contacts and phone calls, finish other past
due projects)

ASSUMPTION
IVE BEEN SO PRODUCTIVE.
IM ACTUALLY MAKING PROGRESS
BY CLEARING THE WAY TO DO THE PROJECT!

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Procrastination - page 2

FOURTH PITFALL
THINKING:

I really do a lot of work and never have time to


enjoy anything.

FEELING:

Self-Pity

ACTION:

Distractions and pleasurable activities


(go to movies, shop, exercise, get together with friends)

ASSUMPTION
THERE IS STILL TIME!

FIFTH PITFALL
THINKING:

I hope no one knows.

FEELING:

Shame

ACTION:

Elaborate justifications (invent excuses and lies to


justify delays, avoid people or telephone calls regarding
the project)
ASSUMPTION
SOMEHOW I WILL GET THIS DONE!

SIXTH PITFALL
THINKING:

Other people are smarter and more self-disciplined


than I am.

FEELING:

Worthless

ACTION:

A decision is made:
Path One
Time is so short it cant be done right!
Its not worth all this pain Im going through!
Theres no way I can pull this off.

Path Two
Ill stay up all night and just get it done!
I enjoyed doing this. Why didnt I start sooner?
Ill never procrastinate again.

ASSUMPTION
NEXT TIME ILL START EARLIER!
I have the desire to do what is good but I cannot carry it out.
For what I do is not the good I want to do;
no, the evil I do not want to dothis I keep on doing.
(Romans 7:18-19)

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Procrastination - page 3

C. Meaning of Motivation
A motivation (noun) is an inner desire or need that moves you to act or achieve
a goal.
The New Testament Greek word epithumeo means to desire earnestly and
stresses the inner urge rather than the outer goal.
If anyone sets his heart on being an overseer, he desires a noble task.
(1 Timothy 3:1)

D. The Methods of Motivation


The highest form of motivation is LOVE, and Jesus is our model for insight into
motivating others with a steady stream of agape love (always seeking the highest
good of others). Jesus motivated and inspired those around Him to be all God
created them to be. John 13-16 records His final words to His disciples . . . words
so motivating that they have watered the growth of Christians for almost two
thousand years.

Jesus Motivates
with

ELATIONSHIP

He loved the disciples completely.

(John 13:1)

He demonstrated humility.

(John 13:2-17)

He inspired them to act out of love for others.

(John 13:31-34)

He was faithful despite their unfaithfulness.

(John 13:38)

Jesus Motivates
with

EWARDS
He promised heaven.

(John 14:1-7)

He promised the Holy Spirit.

(John 14:15-26)

He promised peace.

(John 14:27)

He promised joy in the midst of suffering.

(John 16:22)

Jesus Motivates
with

EPERCUSSIONS
He explained Gods discipline.

(John 15:1-2)

He explained the consequences of not remaining


dependent on Him.

(John 15:5-8)

He explained inevitable persecution.

(John 15:18-16:4)

He explained Gods judgment on sin.

(John 16:5-11)

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Procrastination - page 4

THE BETRAYAL BY JUDAS SHOWS THAT EVEN THE BEST MOTIVATION CAN BE REJECTED.
He who shares My bread has lifted up his heel against Me.
(John 13:18)

E. Motivation vs. Manipulation


Although we are drawn to shimmering ripples on a lake, we often cant see
through the murky waters beneath. Many a fisherman has been surprised by
reeling in a poisonous snake. Many would-be motivators are also caught by
surprise at their own ineffectiveness because of poisonous motives hidden within their hearts. Successful motivators inspire others with love and encouragement, while manipulators control others by indirect, unfair or deceptive means.
This is especially true when one is fishing for personal advantage.
All a mans ways seem innocent to him,
but motives are weighed by the Lord.
(Proverbs 16:2)

MOTIVATION

VS.

MANIPULATION

Seeks anothers highest good

Seeks personal gain

Creates a relationship that


moves another to respond
out of love and respect

Creates a relationship that


moves another to respond
out of guilt and disapproval

Uses rewards to encourage

Uses rewards to entice

Presents repercussions to
communicate Gods consequences

Presents repercussions to
control with fear

II. SYMPTOMS AND CHARACTERISTICS


A. Potholes of Procrastination
Lack of motivation can be seen in those who continually resist acting with mature,
purposeful behavior. This inability to stay on course is known as procrastination.
The following questions will help you determine if behavioral potholes are
causing a bumpy ride on your road to responsibility and personal accountability.
How long will you wait before you begin to take possession
of the land that the Lord, the God of your fathers, has given you.
(Joshua 18:3)

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Procrastination - page 5

Do you delay until the last minute before starting a project?


Do you collect materials for projects but never get started?
Do you obstruct the efforts of others by not doing your part on time?
Do you deliberately work slowly or inefficiently?
Do you resent suggestions from others on how to be more productive?
Do you avoid competition and other situations where you might not succeed?
Do you act indecisively and force decision-making on others?
Do you avoid responsibility by making others feel quilty?
Do you dodge making commitments?
Do you become irritable when asked to do something unpleasant?
Do you find yourself consistently late for appointments?
Do you avoid obligations by forgetting them?
Do you pay bills and other financial obligations late?
Do you fail to return phone calls?
Do you delay sending out correspondence until it becomes too late?
Do you live in a state of disorganization?
Do you become addicted to time-wasting activities such as watching
TV or shopping?
Do you feel spiritually bankrupt but do nothing to restore the joy of
your salvation?
Do you give little personal time to prayer, church or your relationship
with God?
Do you lack conviction of Gods call to personal accountability?

B. Personality Profiles
Procrastination, like all destructive habits, creates a temporary sense of wellbeing, making it highly resistant to change. Although you may feel uncomfortable to see yourself as one of these personalities, honest observation is the
beginning step to understanding your behavior.
I applied my heart to what I observed and
learned a lesson from what I saw.
(Proverbs 24:32)

Copyright 2000 HOPE FOR THE HEART

Procrastination - page 6

Patty Put Off


The wisdom of the prudent is to give thought to their ways,
but the folly of fools is deception.
(Proverbs 14:8)
Deeply involved in a mental game of self-deception, this personality remains hopeful and avoids admitting that there is anything wrong. Patty convinces herself she
will do the unpleasant task tomorrow, or certainly very soon, thus denying she is
procrastinating. The tomorrow principle is unending and skillfully perpetuated
by self-talk that rationalizes and rearranges priorities.
Im not ready to begin right now.
Ill do this better when I feel better.
I must wait until I am inspired to do this.
Its not too late in the week to start.
I need a larger block of time to do this.
I dont have enough information yet.
If I wait, Ill do a first class job!
Ive already done the worst partthe rest will be a breeze.
Ill work better if I finish this little stuff first.
Ive really been working hardI deserve a break.

Danny Dodger
Their hearts are always going astray,
and they have not known My ways.
(Hebrews 3:10)
Danny Dodger becomes deeply committed to or even develops an addiction to any
activity other than what needs to be done. The substitution is more pleasant and
temporarily camouflages feelings of anxiety, frustration or inadequacy; thus, a
problem, project or pressing responsibility is avoided. Even creative activities such
as church work or the accomplishments of workaholics can be an addictive
substitute for this artful dodger.

Overeating
Sleeping
Reading
Playing Solitaire
Religious works

Compulsive cleaning
Jogging
Talking on the telephone
Watching television
Helping others

Molly Martyr
A fool finds no pleasure in understanding
but delights in airing his own opinions.
(Proverbs 18:2)
With poor Molly there is no chance to succeed. She sees herself as a victim of impossible circumstances or just as an unfortunate loser. Since success seems impossible, she makes only token attempts or no effort at all to meet deadlines or fulfill
stressful responsibilities. This personality gives up easily while even feeling noble
for having to live with such debilitating circumstances.
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Procrastination - page 7

Molly wants desperately to look like a competent have-ittogether mom by hosting the end of year school class party
at her house. Yet, she can never say yes to requests because, as she complains, she:
Lacks support from her husband
Has inadequate help to keep things clean
Struggles with unruly children that demand all her time
Worries about her inability to be organized
Molly is further burdened by having to be gracious to an
unloving mother-in-law who blames her for the lack of
order and family discipline!

III. CAUSES
A. Situational Setups for Procrastination
The influence of early family relationships runs deep. Harmful words you heard as a
child about who you are and what you do can handicap your heart for life. If you
have a problem with procrastination, begin looking for answers by writing down the
messages you received from your parents and other family members. Then write the
assumptions you adopted that may still be influencing your behavior today.
The tongue has the power of life and death,
and those who love it will eat its fruit.
(Proverbs 18:21)

DEGRADED
MESSAGES:
ASSUMPTION:
RESULT:

Did you feel insulted and put down?


Why cant you be as thorough as your brothers!
If you had listened to me, you wouldnt be in this mess!

I DONT HAVE WHAT IT TAKES TO BE SUCCESSFUL.


FEAR OF FAILURE
Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God?
Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please
men, I would not be a servant of Christ. (Galatians 1:10)

DRIVEN
MESSAGES:
ASSUMPTION:
RESULT:

Did you feel pushed to achieve success?


If its not done right, its not worth doing at all.
You can do anything if you try hard enough.

ANYTHING SHORT OF THE BEST IS NOT ACCEPTABLE.


PERFECTIONISM
Are you so foolish? After beginning with the Spirit, are
you now trying to attain your goal by human effort?
(Galatians 3:3)

Copyright 2000 HOPE FOR THE HEART

Procrastination - page 8

PLANT PERIMETERS
God gave Adam the garden to tend and creatures to name. (Help the
procrastinator understand the goal.)
The LORD God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work
it and take care of it. . . . Now the LORD God had formed out of the
ground all the beasts of the field and all the birds of the air. He brought
them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man
called each living creature, that was its name. (Genesis 2:15, 19)
God told Adam what he could eat. (Help the procrastinator establish
time schedules.)
And the LORD God commanded the man, You are free to eat from
any tree in the garden. (Genesis 2:16)
God explained the boundaries. (Establish specific deadlines.)
And the LORD God commanded the man, You are free to eat from any
tree in the garden; but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge
of good and evil, for when you eat of it you will surely die.
(Genesis 2:16-17)
Explain the consequences of disobedience. (Help the procrastinator understand how he or she will feel when there is no follow-through.)
And the LORD God commanded the man, You are free to eat from any
tree in the garden; but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge
of good and evil, for when you eat of it you will surely die.
(Genesis 2:16-17)

ROOT A RELATIONSHIP
God and Adam were alone together. (Share time alone together.)
The LORD God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to
work it and take care of it. And the LORD God commanded the man,
You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; but you must not eat
from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat of it
you will surely die. (Genesis 2:15-17)
God and Adam were together when the animals were named. (Share
enjoyable activities.)
Now the LORD God had formed out of the ground all the beasts of the
field and all the birds of the air. He brought them to the man to see what
he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature,
that was its name. (Genesis 2:19)
God had ongoing conversation with Adam.(Share meaningful conversation.)
But the LORD God called to the man, Where are you? He answered,
I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I
hid. And he said, Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten
from the tree that I commanded you not to eat from? The man said, The
woman you put here with meshe gave me some fruit from the tree, and
I ate it. (Genesis 3:9-12)

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God allowed Adam to experience consequences. (Share the necessity of


allowing consequences.)
To Adam he said, Because you listened to your wife and ate from
the tree about which I commanded you, You must not eat of it,
Cursed is the ground because of you; through painful toil you will
eat of it all the days of your life. It will produce thorns and thistles
for you, and you will eat the plants of the field. By the sweat of your
brow you will eat your food until you return to the ground, since from
it you were taken; for dust you are and to dust you will return. Adam
named his wife Eve, because she would become the mother of all the
living. The LORD God made garments of skin for Adam and his wife
and clothed them. (Genesis 3:17-21)

C. Coming Alongside
Two are better than one
because they have a good return for their work:
If one falls down, his friend can help him up.
But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!
(Ecclesiastes 4:9-10)
At different times in our lives weve all needed a helping hand. If someone in
your life needs to be pulled from the pit of procrastination, you can adapt these
words and pray to be led by the Lord.

PRAY FOR THE PROCRASTINATOR.


Lord, I pray that his procrastination will make him so miserable that he
will be motivated to change and through your Spirit stay changed.
As for me, far be it from me that I should sin against the LORD by
failing to pray for you. (1 Samuel 12:23)

PROPOSE AN ACCOUNTABILITY PLAN.


I sense you are feeling frustratedI know what thats like! Do you feel
stuck? --- If you would like, Im willing to help devise a plan with a schedule
where you can accomplish your pressing priorities. As your accountability
partner, initially lets talk each day about your progress and well meet
once a week.
As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another. (Proverbs 27:17)

NOTE THE UNMET NEEDS.


God created you with three inner needs for love, significance and security.
When you procrastinate, you are either trying to feel more significant (1) by
staying in control and doing nothing or (2) by doing something else more
easily satisfying. Instead, rely on the Lord to provide discipline for what
you need to do.
I cry out to God Most High, to God, who fulfills His purpose for me.
(Psalm 57:2)

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Procrastination - page 12

PRESENT THE ULTIMATE PURPOSE.


Do you know your purpose in life? It is to be conformed to the character of
Christ! Romans 8:29 says you are predestined to be conformed to the likeness of
His Sonthat means you can even have Christs self-control!
ENCOURAGE THE USE OF A DAILY CALENDAR.
Buy a calendar with a 31-day log. Determine to use it daily so that you can be
the best steward of the time God has given you.
He who ignores discipline despises himself, but whoever heeds
correction gains understanding. (Proverbs 15:32)

PRIORITIZE PRIORITIES.
Write down your highest priorities and number them in terms of importance.
Each day schedule in only your highest priorities and list your other tasks
for later in the month.
Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree
of life. (Proverbs 13:12)

GROUP SIMILAR GOALS.


Make separate lists for your calls, correspondence, errands and chores.
Then set at least one hour a day in the calendar to do the most important
tasks on each list. (For example, Mondaycalls; Tuesdayletters;
Saturdayerrands)
There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under
heaven. (Ecclesiastes 3:1)

COMPLIMENT SMALL ACCOMPLISHMENTS.


Thats great . . . you are really making progress . . . Im proud of you . . . I
admire your diligence . . . Dont focus on what you havent donelook at
what you have done. I see you are trying to be faithful to God to use your
time wisely.
A word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver.
(Proverbs 25:11)

D. Dos and Donts For the Motivator

Dont: Act out of selfishness or mere good intentions.


Do: Make sure your own actions are motivated out of godly love.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not
boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking,
it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
(1 Corinthians 13:4-5)

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Dont: Come across as a super saint who never makes mistakes.


Do: Seek to identify by sharing your own weaknesses.
Who is weak, and I do not feel weak? Who is led into sin, and I
do not inwardly burn? If I must boast, I will boast of the things
that show my weakness. . . . To keep me from becoming conceited
because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given
me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three
times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But He said
to me, My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect
in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my
weaknesses, so that Christs power may rest on me. That is why, for
Christs sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in
persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
(2 Corinthians 11:29-30; 12:7-10)

Dont: Hide your concerns behind false encouragement.


Do: Be honest, and learn ways to help.
The wise in heart are called discerning, and pleasant words promote
instruction. A wise mans heart guides his mouth, and his lips promote
instruction. (Proverbs 16:21,23)

Dont: Use criticism, ridicule or anger.


Do: Use wise and gentle words, keeping the door of communication
open.
A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
The tongue of the wise commends knowledge, but the mouth of the
fool gushes folly. (Proverbs 15:1-2)

Dont: Focus on differences or engage in arguments.


Do: Seek to establish a peaceful, supportive relationship.
Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to
mutual edification. (Romans 14:19)

Dont: Be a prisoner to your own rules.


Do: Set realistic repercussions which you can and will enforce.
And they will know that I am the LORD; I did not threaten in vain
to bring this calamity on them. (Ezekiel 6:10)

Dont: Set rigid, unrelenting consequences.


Do: Respond to repentance with grace and mercy.
When God saw what they did and how they turned from their evil
ways, He had compassion and did not bring upon them the destruction He had threatened. (Jonah 3:10)

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Dont: Set boundaries or offer bribes merely out of your need to control.
Do: Say yes as often as possible, for many times youll need to say no.
"Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if
he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are
evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more
will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! So in
everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this
sums up the Law and the Prophets. (Matthew 7:9-12)

Dont: Offer rewards that you cannot or will not give.


Do: Keep your word and fulfill your promises.
It is better not to vow than to make a vow and not fulfill it.
(Ecclesiastes 5:5)

Dont: Be manipulated into taking anothers responsibility.


Do: Learn to say no and not feel guilty.
Each one should test his own actions. Then he can take pride in
himself, without comparing himself to somebody else, for each one
should carry his own load. (Galatians 6:4-5)

Dont: Allow others to drain you of time by engaging in unproductive


chatter.

Do: See every moment of time as an irreplaceable gift from God.


If you keep on biting and devouring each other, watch out or you
will be destroyed by each other. So I say, live by the Spirit, and you
will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature. (Ephesians 5:15-16)

Dont: Give up and assume the worst.


Do: Have faith and hope for the best.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always
protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
(1 Corinthians 13:6-7)

E. Priming Your Own Pump


When you know what you should do, yet cant seem to do it, you may need help
priming your own pump. The hardest part is the beginning. Start by taking time
to be alone and reflect over two or three past occasions when you put something off.
The incidents may not be important to others, but beneath the surface they could have
had great emotional impact on you. Write down what you remember about:
What did you postpone or put off?

What led you to procrastinate?


What feelings did you have?
What was the outcome of your procrastination?
What other people were affected by your lack of follow-through?

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Procrastination - page 15

Now ask yourself if there were any common patterns of behavior . . . what it was you
were really afraid of each time? This awareness alone will not bring about change, but
it might motivate you to take the following steps.
I can do everything through Him who gives me strength.
(Philippians 4:13)

STEPPING INTO SUCCESS

Acknowledge that procrastination is the assassin of your motivation.


The sluggards craving will be the death of him, because his hands refuse to
work. (Proverbs 21:25)
Tell God that you are tired of fighting the clock, and pray for wisdom in using
time.
For there is a proper time and procedure for every matter, though a mans
misery weighs heavily upon him. (Ecclesiastes 8:6)
Yield your life to Christ, giving Him total control.
I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me.
The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and
gave Himself for me. (Galatians 2:20)
Evaluate your self-talk when you get emotionally stuck.
All a mans ways seem right to him, but the LORD weighs the heart.
(Proverbs 21:2)
Claim Gods promise to provide everything you need through your dependence
on Christ.
His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness
through our knowledge of Him who called us by His own glory and goodness.
Through these He has given us His very great and precious promises, so that
through them you may participate in the divine nature and escape the corruption in the world caused by evil desires. (2 Peter 1:3-4)
Realistically evaluate the time it will take to complete every project. Then add
on more for unexpected interruptions, delays and hidden costs.
Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. Will he not first sit down and
estimate the cost to see if he has enough money to complete it? For if he lays
the foundation and is not able to finish it, everyone who sees it will ridicule
him. (Luke 14:28-29)
Keep a small date book with you at all times, writing down everything you need
to do and marking the time to do it.
There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven.
(Ecclesiastes 3:1)
Dont major on the minorseach day number the five most important tasks and
do them in that order.
A sluggard does not plow in season; so at harvest time he looks but finds
nothing. (Proverbs 20:4)

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Dont feel guilty if you cant complete all your tasks in one day. Continue to
persevere to the next, prioritizing the most important.
So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need
to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive
what He has promised. (Hebrews 10:35-36)
If you dont know how to get started, ask a friend or counselor to help you.
The heart of the discerning acquires knowledge; the ears of the wise seek it
out. (Proverbs 18:15)

Procrastinators must fix their eyes on winning the prize of maturity.


To push yourself off the starting block so that you can run the race,
be motivated to change by reviewing these three Rs:
Your Reward of results will be gained.
Your Repercussion of guilt will be gone.
Your Relationship with God will grow.
June Hunt
Do you not know that in a race all the runners run,
but only one gets the prize?
Run in such a way as to get the prize.
(1 Corinthians 9:24)

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Failure, Employment, Stress, Perfectionism, Integrity and other related topics,
contact HOPE FOR THE HEART Box 7 Dallas, TX 75221 or call toll-free 1-800-488-HOPE.

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NPROC/03/21/00

Procrastination - page 17

The Problem Styles

of

Parental Motivation
The teaching of the wise is a fountain of life. . . .
(Proverbs 13:14)

Who has not been mystified by those who are unmotivated! Yet, when you look back on their wellmeaning parents with their various styles of motivation, there is no mystery as to why their children
exhibit a lack of motivation with specific negative results.
Take a close look at the three problem styles of Parental Motivationas a parent, how are you
shaping your childs behavior? As your children look to you as their Model for Motivation, in the
same way you must look to God your Father as the Model for your parental motivation! Then, as
you depend on God as your model and source, you will develop postive parental motivation and see
positive changes in your children!

Pressure Style
MOTIVATION

Fear

GOAL

RESULT

Control

Insecurity

The pressuring, achievement-driven parent uses fear tactics, rules and threats to try to
control their child. However, a person who is motivated primarily by fear becomes
insecure and performance-based.
Fathers, do not exasperate your children;
instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.
(Ephesians 6:4)

PermissiveStyle
MOTIVATION
Freedom

GOAL

RESULT

Cajole

Irresponsibility

The permissive, indulgent parent uses freedom without limits or responsibility to try to
charm the child into action. However, the person who is motivated primarily by freedom
becomes irresponsible and undisciplined.
The rod of correction imparts wisdom, but a child left to himself disgraces his mother.
(Proverbs 29:15)

Pleasure Style
MOTIVATION
Favors

GOAL

RESULT

Coax

Selfishness

The pleasure, possession-driven parent uses favors, rewards and bribes to coax the child
to act. However, the person who is motivated primarily by pleasure becomes selfindulgent, self-centered and selfish.
An inheritance quickly gained at the beginning will not be blessed at the end.
(Proverbs 20:21)

Copyright 2000 HOPE FOR THE HEART

Procrastination - page 18

Encouragement
Motivational

Pointers for Parents


Parents who take the time to build a loving relationship with their children
will find that encouragement opens the door to their tender hearts.
Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.
(Colossians 3:21)

EXAMINE your motive for wanting change.

(Psalm 139:23-24)

Is it for personal growth or because your


childs behavior affects you negatively?

NURTURE the needs.

(Ephesians 4:29)

Be aware of your childs inner need for significance instead of focusing on negative behavior.

CREATE an environment where it is okay to fail.

(Romans 15:7)

Acceptance must not be based on achievement.


Communicate that failure is positive and can
be a stepping stone to success.

ORCHESTRATE small steps to achievable goals.

(Proverbs 16:23)

Your childs heart is encouraged when


results can be seen quickly.

USE

the sandwich method to confront failure.

(Proverbs 15:23)

Bread of praise
Meat of criticism
Bread of exhortation

RECOGNIZE and verbalize the positives.

(Proverbs 13:12)

Dont wait for final results, but give your


child praise and rewards along the way.

ADMIT your own feelings.

(Ecclesiastes 3:4)

Be open and vulnerable with your child.


Dont be afraid of tears.

GO to the Lord in prayer.

(1 Samuel 12:23)

Pray for God to actively work in your


childs life.

ENSURE your own spiritual stability.

(Psalm 119:10)

Dont neglect your own spiritual nourishment.


Make time for study in Scripture, meditation
and seeking the Lords wisdom.

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HOPE FOR THE HEART, Box 7, Dallas, TX 75221

PROCRASTINATION

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