| Feature Article | Written by: Shelia E.

[Volume 1, Issue 1]

Marshall

I had an infant son at this time and the reason that Im here is the thought of
who would raise him to become a good man, if I was not here. I agonized about
him growing up and knowing that I purposely left him. He thinking that I didnt
love him enough to stay would damage his self-esteem. His potential deep
heartache caused a traumatic change in my thinking process. I decided to kill
my husband instead, but I would need a rock-solid alibi.

Deciding to
Live, and
Not to Die!

Having planned for many months how I could achieve this goal, I came up with
the perfect plan. To celebrate my birthday, I would give a party with enormous
amounts of alcohol. I would call my husband, whom I was estranged from at the
time and invite him to meet me for an intimate encounter. Of course, the
cement blocks and chains to weight his body down would already have been
purchased and stowed in the truck of my car. I would shoot him and send him to
a watery grave, I had the spot all picked out. The only thing that hampered my
actions, there IS no such thing as a perfect crime. I would end up in prison,
away from my son, for the rest of my life. Did I have the right to take another
persons life or continue to pray and ask God for deliverance from my stalker
and tormentor? With thoughts of all the precious moments that I would miss
due to my imprisonment, I decided to do the later and let him live. In this, I
made a conscious decision to live every day to the fullest, to appreciate the
grace that God had granted me and trust that He wanted me to be happy and
fulfilled.
I named by son
DeShawn, my family called him Daylight because his
A Survivalists
Story
eyes shined with happiness all the time. He was that for me, light in my time of
darkness where I could see my path more clearly.
Like a lot of other children, I grew up watching my mother being abused by the
Women have experienced domestic violence since ancient times and still today,
men she loved, mostly by her husband, my siblings father. I promised myself
per the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, women are beaten or
that no man would EVER beat me and that I would NEVER put myself into
assaulted every 9 seconds. How is it that the senseless brutality of men against
situations where these types of bad things would happen to me. Theres a
women and children was deemed to be acceptable and tolerable by a society?
biblical verse that states, "When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I
What are the consequences suffered by the victims and predators of domestic
understood as a child, I thought as a child. Ive learned the hard way what
violence?
this means, especially since I found myself in the same exact situation as my
motherand her mother. It began not long after my sixteenth birthday, when I
was allowed to date boys. My mother had given me all the speeches concerning
History
of Domestic Violence
drugs, sexual transmitted diseases and unwanted pregnancy in order to prepare
mefollowing
for dating;
however,
didnt
educate
me onCommentaries
recognize and regarding
handing verbal
The
is an
excerptshe
taken
from
Blackstones
and
physicalof
abuse
with
love
of my life. As I look back and examine the 10
the
treatment
wives,
by the
their
husbands.
years of abuse suffered at the hands of my high school sweetheart, whom I
The husband also, by the old law, might give his wife moderate correction. For,
married a couple of years after graduation, I remember that it was very gradual
as he is to answer for her misbehaviour, the law thought it reasonable to intrust
thing.
him with this power of restraining her, by domestic chastisement, in the same
First, therethat
were
incidents
of mild
became
intense
moderation
a man
is allowed
toarguments
correct hiswhich
apprentices
ormore
children;
for over
time.the
Themaster
greater
intensity,
more
viciouscases
wereto
the
insults and name
whom
orthe
parent
is alsothe
liable
in some
answer.
calling. A push and a tug eventually led to being grabbed around the throat and
Sir William Blackstone's was an English jurist, judge and Tory politician during
pressure was applied to put off my breath. Every instance would then be
the 18th century that wrote the Commentaries on the Laws of England that
followed by a truly sincere apology and tears flowed freely. I was of course
provided common laws in a clear format that everyday people could read and
astonished and very nave in my belief that he was actually repentant in what
understand. Blackstones Commentaries were used to develop our Constitution
he had done to me. If there was one thing that I learned from my mother and
and are still highly referenced within the United States legal system today.
grandmother is that a woman was born to stand by her man, support and love
Domestic violence was seen as part of the mans role to keep his family and
him, despite his shortcomings. He is after all the head of the family.
The last year of this relationship, I contemplated suicide several times to ease
the hurt that I was feeling every day of my life. Having tried leaving him several

Education is the Key

It is important to educate our children, family and
loved ones on the prevention and how to respond to
domestic violence. To understand that violence is
neither acceptable nor will it be tolerated. Even
while victims will commonly feel shame, blame
themselves and be afraid, its vital that to provide a
support system within our families and communities
so their voices can be heard.
There are huge differences in a couple having a
quarrel and domestic violence. If you are
experiencing a pattern of behavior such as:

Name calling

Destruction of personal items

Intimidation or threats against yourself, family

members, pets

Slaps, shoving, choking

Being cut off from friends or family members

Controls where, when and whom you live the

home with

This is Domestic Violence. Talk to someoneGet

FORSYTH COUNTY
Family Services, Inc.
(Admin Office)
1200 S. Broad Street
Winston-Salem, NC 27101
Office: (336) 722-8173
Toll free: 1-800-316-5513
Crisis: (336) 723-8125
Fax: (336) 724-6491
Website: www.fsifamily.or
g
Safe on Seven
200 N. Main Street
Winston-Salem, NC 27101
Office : (336) 779-6320
Fax : (336) 779-6340

FORSYTH COUNTY
Family Services, Inc. (Admin Office)
1200 S. Broad Street
Winston-Salem, NC 27101
Office: (336) 722-8173
Toll free: 1-800-316-5513
Crisis: (336) 723-8125
Fax: (336) 724-6491
Website: www.fsifamily.org