House M.D.

1
by
Mooooooo

Disclaimer: I do not own these

characters.

Teaser
FADE IN:
INT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
Aileen and Lexi are sitting on the couch with papers and
pens spread across the coffee table in front of them. Aileen
looks at the clock impatiently.
AILEEN
How long do we have to do this?
LEXI
However long it takes to finish
reviewing the next two chapters. My
parents are going to ground me if I
dont get pull up my grade with
this next test.
AILEEN
Come on, like, weve been at it for
hours already. I want to go home.
LEXI
(Playfully)
No, stay, I need you for emotional
support.
Joseph, LexiS younger brother, runs through the living room
with underwear on his head laughing hysterically. Aileen
stares at him, jaw dropped.
LEXI
(Sighing)
Sorry, just ignore him. Hell go
away if we dont pay him any
attention.
AILEEN
(In awe)
No way.
LEXI
What? I dont s-AILEEN
This totally happened already. I
saw it. Uh, in my dream.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

2.

LEXI
Seriously?
AILEEN
Ill tell you about it when we take
a study break.
Lexi looks at her skeptically, eager to know more but also
paranoid Aileen was pulling her leg. She reaches for the
snack bowl but realizes its empty.
LEXI
(Reluctantly)
Ten minutes.
AILEEN
Yes!
LEXI
One second, Ill get some more
chips.
Lexi walks to the kitchen quickly, taking the empty bowl
with her. She returns moments later to see Aileen lying on
the ground, arms and legs sprawled out. Lexi drops the bowl
and rushes to Aileen, pushing her brother away.
LEXI
Aileen? Aileen! Wake up!
Lexi shakes Aileen, who is completely unresponsive with her
eyes rolled back into her head. LEXI picks up the phone and
dials 911.
INT. PRINCETON PLAINSBORO - HOUSES MEETING OFFICE - 9:30AM
House walks in, later than usual, holding a box of tissues.
Chase and Foreman look up at him from where they sit at the
table, looking through a stack of case files. Cameron reads
through the file she holds.
CAMERON
Eighteen-year-old fe-HOUSE
Is she hot?
House blows his nose loudly. Cameron stares at him.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

3.

CAMERON
(Slowly, wary of Houses
interruptions)
Female with sudden onset of
paralysis.
HOUSE
Boring.
CAMERON
E.R. didnt find anything wrong
with her. All the tests came back
clean.
Cameron stands up and walks over to House, suspicious of his
flushed cheeks. House makes an effort to avoid Cameron and
push her away, but with his hands full, the back of her hand
reaches his cheek.
CAMERON
House, youre burning up! You
shouldnt be working at the
hospital.
House waves her away.
HOUSE
How about you focus on the patient
instead?
FOREMAN
She passed out for six hours,
completely unexplained.
CHASE
Maybe she was on drugs?
FOREMAN
No, her tox screen was clear.
CAMERON
And she claims she has visions that
predict the future, successfully.
FOREMAN
Its probably something
neurological.
HOUSE
...Says the neurologist. Chase,
Foreman, test her hair. Get an MRI.
Cameron, I have a special job for
you.
(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

4.

Chase and Foreman exit. Cameron curiously follows House to

the desk in the corner. House pulls a stack of paper from
the drawer and drops it on the desk.
HOUSE
Paperwork. Cuddy wants it done by
five oclock.
Cameron sits down, annoyed. House turns to the side,
coughing.
CAMERON
House, y-House begins to walk away.
HOUSE
Im not going home!
House exits. Cameron stares at him as he walks away, trying
to piece together a reason he would be so set on staying at
work.
INT. PRINCETON PLAINSBORO - CLINIC - 10:00AM
A woman sits on the examination table holding a young BOY in
her arms. Her nose is bright red.
HOUSE
Hello...
House opens the case file and sits back on an empty chair in
the exam room.
HOUSE
Claudia. What brings you here
today?
CLAUDIA
I woke up and my nose was pink, but
Im not sick!
House lifts a hand, telling her to pause, and scrunches up
his face. Claudia stares at him. He quickly pulls out a
tissue from the box still tucked under his arm and holds it
to his nose, letting out a loud sneeze. The boy covers his
ears, and Claudia cringes.
CLAUDIA
My son had the flu last week, so I
was wondering if this had anything
to do with it.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

5.

HOUSE
(Sniffling)
Do you like to color?
CLAUDIA
I-HOUSE
Not you, your son.
BOY
(Excitedly) Im going to be a
people-drawer when I grow up!
HOUSE
Sure...
House slides over to the sink in his chair, grabs a paper
towel, and wets it. He hands it to Claudia.
HOUSE
Its paint. He probably painted it
on while you were asleep.
BOY
(Giggling)
Mommys Rudolph!
Claudia turns away from House, frowning.
CLAUDIA
Im not touching that tissue, it
has your germs all over it. Dont
you doctors have some sense of
hygiene?
BOY
Cooties!
HOUSE
Okay, you can wash it off yourself.
Sliding in his chair again, House throws the paper towel
into the trash can and reaches for his cane. He stands.
CLAUDIA
What about my rash? Isnt there
anything you can give me for it?
HOUSE
(Over his shoulder)
It washes off.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

6.

House slams the door shut before he can argue with the woman
any further. He coughs into his fist as he returns the case
file, and a nurse glares at him.
HOUSE
What, do you have something against
sick people?
House turns and walks away as quickly as he can, hoping to
avoid seeing Cuddy and dealing with any more pesky patients.
INT. PRINCETON PLAINSBORO - PATIENTS ROOM - 11:30AM
Aileen is asleep in her bed when Chase and Foreman enter the
room. Lexi, who had been reading a textbook off to the side,
sits upright.
LEXI
Is she okay? Whats wrong?
FOREMAN
Im afraid we arent sure yet, we
still need to run some tests.
Chase stands next to Aileen, adjusting her IV. Aileen slowly
opens her eyes, focusing on the doctor standing beside her.
AILEEN
(Flirting) Are you my doctor?
CHASE
Im one of your doctors, theres a
group of us working on your case.
FOREMAN
Were going to give you an MRI and
ask you some questions for a
medical history. Are your parents
coming?
AILEEN
They should get here in a couple of
hours. They work kind of far away
from here.
CHASE
Im also going to need a hair
sample.
AILEEN
Why? Do you think Im on dr-

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

7.

Aileens eyes roll into the back of her head, and her body
convulses. Lexi screams.
FOREMAN
Shes seizing! Push ten milligrams
of Ativan.
Chase reaches into the set of drawers and pulled out a
syringe. He quickly pushes it into her I.V. Aileen stopps
moving almost immediately after, lying completely still.
CHASE
House should like this.
INT. PRINCETON PLAINSBORO - WILSONS OFFICE - 12:00PM
Wilson walks into his office and sees House lying on his
couch asleep. Wilson slams the door loudly and startles
House awake.
HOUSE
(groggily) You know, its rude to
wake people up like that.
WILSON
You do have your own office.
HOUSE
Theres someone from the clinic
waiting for me in my office.
House sits up. He sneezes into his hand. He pulls a crumpled
tissue from his jacket pocket and blows his nose. He throws
it at the trash can and misses.
HOUSE
She has some complaint about me
being too unhygienic to be a
doctor.
WILSON
Youre sick.
HOUSE
How could you tell, Sherlock?
Wilson approaches House, looking at him closely. Houses
entire face is flushed. Wilson raises an eyebrow.
WILSON
Youre running a temperature.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

8.

HOUSE
Yeah, yeah, its probably just that
bug going around the office. Im
fine.
WILSON
(frowning) Why are you here? Youd
be itching to go home if you had
the excuse.
I bet
could
week.
three

HOUSE
Foreman twenty bucks that I
get my clinic hours in this
Its Friday, and I still have
more to go.

WILSON
So what? Its just twenty dollars.
HOUSE
Its not the money, its the
principle. Im winning that twenty
dollars. Speaking of which, its
time for me to finish my nap in the
clinic.
House stands, leaning heavily on his cane and wobbling
slightly. Wilson steps forward and grabs his arm, steadying
him, but lets go when House glares at him. House walks
toward the door, ready to leave, but stops before he can
reach the handle, on the verve of sneezing. Wilson bends
over and picks up a box of tissues.
WILSON
You forgot this.
Wilson walks over and plucks out a tissue, offering it to
HOUSE, but House instead sneezes freely, aiming downward.
Wilson groans and pulls his hand back, but not quickly
enough.
HOUSE
Oh, be quiet.
House takes the tissue from WILSON and blows his nose
loudly, throwing it at the trash can and missing again. He
holds the box under his arm and exits the room.

9.

INT. PRINCETON PLAINSBORO - HOUSES MEETING OFFICE - 12:30PM

House walks into his office to see Cameron still diligently
working on the paperwork and Chase and Foreman reviewing the
patients file. Cameron looks up when HOUSE enters the room.
He pauses in the doorway and walks slowly.
CAMERON
What are you still doing here?
House ignores the question. There were more important things
to do than having his team nag him.
FOREMAN
You really should head home, you
dont look too good.
House sits in a chair at the end of the table and rubs his
head. As annoying as his team are, they arent wrong about
him needing rest. Hes silent for a moment, but it builds up
to a harsh sneeze into a crumpled tissue. House looks up,
his eyes revealing his exhaustion.
HOUSE
(slowly)
Differential diagnosis.
His voice is hoarse and thick with congestion.
CAMERON
House... You cant work like this.
House stands up again, heading towards the door. Sure, if he
couldnt work like this, hed just leave to finish his nap
elsewhere.
CHASE
Where are you going?
HOUSE
Clinic.
CAMERON
(Puzzled)
To check yourself in?
House stands and shoots a pointed look at Foreman, who just
rolls his eyes.
FOREMAN
No, I bet him he wouldnt get his
clinic hours done this week.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

10.
HOUSE
And Cameron doesnt seem to like me
very much today, so Ill just head
out.
FOREMAN
Go home already. You lost--pay up.
HOUSE
(Over his shoulder)
Have fun with Ella.

The door slams

anything. Hes
the bet serves
to admit it to

shut behind HOUSE before anyone can say

too tired to work on the case anymore, and
as the perfect excuse to leave without having
his team.

CHASE
(under his breath)
Its Aileen.
Foreman and Chase exchange a look, unsure of what to do with
their patient.
INT. PRINCETON PLAINSBORO - CLINIC - 12:45PM
House walks into the clinic. He walks up to the desk to sign
in, turning to the side to cough before speaking.
HOUSE
Put my name down for twelve-thirty.
He picks up the nearest file, quickly peaks at it, and heads
over to Exam Room 1. A young woman holding a crying infant
looks up when the door opens.
HOUSE
Missus...
House opens the folder for the name, scanning the page
slowly. The words are a blur before his dizzy, tired eyes.
DAPHNE
(Rushing)
Jones. Im Daphne Jones. My
daughter has a fever. Ive given
her a Tylenol and shes still hot.
Daphne frowns when he takes a moment to respond, ready to
continue talking if needed, but just hugs her baby tightly
when he pulls out a tissue to blow his nose, sitting back in
a chair.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

11.

HOUSE
How much did you give her?
DAPHNE
About six drops? I figured that was
right for a six-month-old.
No wonder she still has a fever. With his tissue still over
his nose, House slides back from the patient and sneezes
once, then twice. He moves forward again to feel her
forehead, but she squirms away.
HOUSE
Hold her still.
DAPHNE
Will it hurt her?
Daphne is reluctant to trust her daughter with an ill
doctor.
DAPHNE (CONTD)
Are you contagious?
Its likely, but House just wants the patient to leave so he
can get his beauty rest.
HOUSE
No. Not if you hold her still.
She feels cool against his clammy skin, much cooler than his
own forehead.
HOUSE (CONTD)
What was it before?
DAPHNE
What?
HOUSE
Her temperature.
DAPHNE
Oh! 150.
HOUSE
Fahrenheit?
Daphne shakes her head.
DAPHNE
Of course not! I measured it in
Celsius.
(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

12.

Because House was being the absurd one, not her.

HOUSE
How, exactly, did you do this?
DAPHNE
With the oven.
House sighs. This one patient was taking longer than he
would have liked.
INT. PRINCETON PLAINSBORO - MRI - 1:30PM
Foreman and Chase are in the glass room as AILEEN lies in
the MRI machine, which thumps loudly in the background,
discussing HOUSE, more specifically, his current condition.
FOREMAN clicks through the images appearing on the computer
screen while CHASE slouches in his chair on the side.
CHASE
Is House really passing up the
opportunity to get out of work for
a little bet?
FOREMAN
Seems like it.
CHASE
Torture your boss for twenty
dollars. Not bad.
Chase nods, grinning. It wasnt often he got to see HOUSE
like this. Usually he was fully capable of yelling at his
subordinates and making them miserable. This time, the
misery was all on him.
FOREMAN
I cant really believe hes staying
just to win a bet.
CHASE
(scoffing)
Have you met House? Id be
surprised if he left.
FOREMAN
Looks like Ill be down twenty
bucks.

13.

INT. PRINCETON PLAINSBORO - HOUSES OFFICE - 2:30PM

Cuddy walks into Houses office and looks around. Its
empty. Cameron enters his office from the desk shed been
working at.
CUDDY
Wheres House?
Usually he was sitting back in his chair tossing a ball
around or watching the L Word, thinking about his case.
CAMERON
The clinic, why?
Cuddy frowns. Shed been in and out of the clinic all day
and hadnt caught a glimpse of him.
CUDDY
(In a more irritated tone)
There are some things I need to
discuss with him.
CAMERON
He hasnt been well, I dont think
you should-Camerons attempt to protect House from Cuddys wrath is
ineffectie.
CUDDY
Oh, is that is excuse for getting
out of work this time?
CAMERON
Really, he can barely function.
Cuddy nods, clearly doubtful, and walks away before Cameron
can say anythign more.
INT. PRINCETON PLAINSBORO - CLINIC - 3:00PM
House is lying on his back on the examination table asleep,
albeit restlessly so. His fever makes it impossible to sleep
soundly and get the rest he needs. Cuddy opens the door and
sees that the room is completely dark. She flips on the
lights, exasperated.
CUDDY
(loudly, intending to wake him
up)
House.
(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

14.

House is conscious now, but he knows better than to respond.

With his throbbing headache, he isnt even sure he can sit
up or keep his eyes open.
CUDDY (CONTD)
House, you cant keep doing this.
She walks over and stands over him. He opens an eye, leaving
the other closed. Its bloodshot, and there are dark rings
under them.
HOUSE
(rasping)
Oh yeah? Says who?
The talking sets him off in a coughing fit, forcing House to
sit up. He props himself up on his elbows, too weak to
simultaneously support himself and cover his mouth. Cuddy is
startled to see him this sick, and her tone softens
immediately.
CUDDY
House...
Of course, it isnt long before she resumes her usual stern,
administrator tone with HOUSE.
CUDDY (CONTD)
What are you doing treating
patients? Youre sick!
HOUSE
Does anything Im doing here make
you think that Im actually
treating anyone?
Cuddy rolled her eyes, but she knew she shouldnt have
expected him to be doing any actual work in the clinic,
especially when he was sick.
CUDDY
You have a fever.
HOUSE
No I d-Cuddy lays a hand across his cheek before he can finish his
protest.
CUDDY
Youre burning up!

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

15.

House hits her hand away. The sudden coolness of her hand in
contrast to his warm head is startling, and it sends a
strange feeling across his face. He fumbles in his pocket
for a tissue, but his hands are trembling, and he cant fish
one out in time. He sneezes into a fist, barely managing to
turn away from Cuddy.
CUDDY (CONTD)
(Disgusted)
What are you doing here?
House takes a deep breath and sneezes again, this time into
his crumpled tissue, interrupting Cuddys lecture.
CUDDY (CONTD)
I cant believe you came in to work
like this.
House rubbed his head, squinting his eyes shut. With his
other hand, he pulled out his Vicodin and popped the bottle
open, tossing a pill back.
HOUSE
You know, this doctor-patient
role-play thing we have going now
only works if you let me talk, too.
CUDDY
(Scoffing)
Go home.
House doesnt move, only turning his head slightly to look
up at her. She was starting to sound like Cameron.
HOUSE
Your screechy voice is grating.
This has no effect on the tone of her speech.
CUDDY
Go. Home. Im giving you permission
to leave.
HOUSE
Cant. Not for another...
He looks up at the clock.
HOUSE (CONTD)
Half hour.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

16.

CUDDY
And why not?
House knows how shell react if he admits to his bet with
Foreman--Shed kick him out of Princeton-Plainsboro herself.
HOUSE
I...
He cant finish his excuse because he breaks off coughing,
which irritates his nose enough that he sneezes in the midst
of his fit. Cuddy helps him sit up, and he sneezes again,
curling forward, still with Cuddy holding and supporting
him.
CUDDY
Im not leaving you alone until you
go home.
They both know he does not have the strength to stay.
HOUSE
Fine. You owe me twenty dollars.
House wants to make a quick exit before she can interrogate
him, but he stumbles forward as soon as he stands up.
CUDDY
Ill get Wilson to take you home.
House nods and nudges her arm away, slowly making his way to
the door. He appreciates her care and concern more than he
is willing to admit it.