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http://transcripts.foreverdreaming.org/viewtopic.php?f=483&t=23625
Watch me!
[Shattering]
[screaming]
Pablo: Ash!
[weakly] Help me.
[Grunts]
[Yelling]
[Buzzing]
[maniacal laughing]
[yelling]
[heavy breathing]
That, my friends, is how we do it.
Look, I have no idea where you learned how to kill those things, but if
whatever I saw...
They call 'em Deadites, and I'd say it's a gift from God, but that would be
giving the man upstairs a little too much credit.
This is all me, baby.
Very humble, but listen, if whatever I saw at my dad's house is a Deadite,
then he's in a lot of danger.
We're way past danger.
That's why we have to get that book translated and find the phrase that'll
put the lid back on all this bullshit.
Okay, well, what if we stop at Kelly's on the way to get your book looked
at?
It's a win-win.
Sorry, no can do.
Well, I can't just abandon him.
Look, I get that you wanna save your dad, but I'm tryin' to save all the
dads everywhere, and the mommies and the babies.
So you'll forgive me, but I got to duct tape some big-ass bullet holes
before I roll.
Wow.
[Crickets chirping]
[Lights buzzing]
[Humming]
[Dog barking]
[Bangs]
[Suspenseful music playing]
[Clanking]
[Rustling]
[Grunting]
[Clanking continues]
[Valve squeaking]
[Growling]
[Engine revving]
Hey.
Kelly!
Wait, please!
You can't go back there alone!
[Breathlessly] sh1t.
Looks like your girlfriend took your bike.
I tried to get her to stop, but she wouldn't listen to me.
Yeah, I know it's not a very "PC" thing to say these days, but, uh, chicks
are like that.
Mm.
It's just a fact.
Well, I'm shovin' off to take care of the book.
Catch you on the flip-flop.
Umm, about the book... she took it.
She took it?
Uh, yeah, she-she grabbed it on her way out, I guess she thinks it's
gonna help her with her mom.
f*ck me!
I can take you to her dad's.
[Horn blaring]
[Growling]
Get off of him!
[yelling]
[growling]
Pablo! Do something!
[grunting]
[song continues]
Hey, Mr. Roper?
[Grunts]
[bottle shattering]
Oh, sh1t!
[Hissing]
Oh, f*ck!
[Tires screeching]
[snarling]
[Gasping] f*ck, Ash?
I know you said that when I get hit I'd know what to do, but I just got hit,
and I don't know what to do!
[Horn blaring]
[screaming]
[Both screaming]
[Groaning]
[screaming]
[Screaming continues]
[Tires screeching]
[grunting]
[Gasping]
[In deep voice] You sad, old failure, you'll never defeat evil!
Yeah, thanks for the heads up.
[Grunting]
[shattering]
[Roaring]
[splattering]
[squishing]
Is this what it's like to be you?
Yeah, pretty much.
Never killed my boss before, so that was new.
That was the scariest thing that's ever happened to me.
I thought I was dead, but then it was so cool when you said, "Thanks for
[Indistinct chatter]
[Thunder rumbling]
[Creaking]
Well, it's cozy.
Mm-hm.
[Windmill creaking]
[sighs]
[Wind howling]
[eerie music playing]
[Speaking softly] Oh, man.
Something seems very wrong here.
It always does.
Okay, here's the plan.
We bust in there, Mm-hm.
We fight through the carnage, we bail with the book.
Okay, yeah. Oh God.
What if Kelly's mom gave Kelly the evil force and then you have to cut off
Kelly's head...
Pablo, focus up!
Just stay behind me.
[Scoffs]
You-you know these men?
We're, uh, yeah.
Um, yeah.
Um, we're-we're friends from work...
Man, you have a nice house.
Yeah, we were just passin' through, thought we'd stop in and say, "Hi."
Hi.
Why are you covered in blood?
Um, we hit a deer on the way up here, and when I tried to pull it outta
the grill of my car, the sucker just exploded all over us, so...
[both laughing]
We had to cut it up with my chainsaw, arm.
I'm actually a hunter, and I've never seen a deer explode.
Well, maybe you're not hunting the right deer.
Okay, uh, could you just excuse us for one second?
[laughs]
[Whispering] Jesus, you guys.
Look, my mom's alive.
She was living in a homeless shelter in Ohio with amnesia...
[indistinct chatter]
.. and then yesterday, she finally started to remember who she was.
That's great.
Yeah, pretty convenient timing.
Okay.
Look Ash, I know we saw some crazy sh1t at your trailer park, but this
has nothing to do with that.
Does she look like one of those things?
No, but when it comes to Evil, if something seems too good to be true, it
probably is.
Now about my book.
Sweetie, is everything okay?
Oh, yeah, yeah.
[Clearing throat]
[laughing] Um, sorry.
Um, Mom, Dad, this is my friend, Pablo.
He got me the job at Value Stop, and, uh, this is Ash, [buzzing] a person
I never thought would be in my home.
Hi, you used to be dead, right?
Ash!
Honey, it's okay.
[Creaking]
[Suspenseful music playing]
[lightning crashing]
Um, hey, Jefe?
[sighing]
Ah, hold on.
[Squishing]
Ugh.
Gross.
Thanks.
Uh, so, forgive me but... [chewing] I got a small confession. I took your
book.
You what?
I hope you're shittin' me.
Well, I... I knew you wouldn't help Kelly unless you thought she had it.
Oh, so you just lied to me?
You know I trusted you, Pablo!
I'm sorry, but at least everything is okay, and we get a free dinner.
You don't believe Mom's horseshit story, do ya?
She's a Deadite, and I think Dad is too.
Mm-mm.
[Thunder rumbling]
Her mom, she doesn't even have the crazy white eyes.
I noticed they're brown and lovely, like her daughter's.
Yeah, I remember when I was like you.
Young, dumb, full of... conflicting emotions.
Look, these things are tricky.
They can disguise themselves as human and just when you're
comfortable, boom!
[Lightning crashing]
[yells]
[Wind howling]
It's just a storm, Pablito.
Look, Ash, I think you're being really paranoid about this.
If Kelly's mom is one of "them," why wouldn't she have killed her before
we got here?
Because she's tryin' to reel in the bigger fish.
Don't you get it?
If you snag a little fish, you're not gonna eat it.
No, you use it as a bait fish, to catch the whale.
I'm the whale, Pablo.
Tenth.
What's your favorite book?
The Old Man and the Sea.
Ah, so you like fishin'.
I like fishing.
This ain't about you, Dad!
What are you waitin' for?
You know you want a piece of this.
[Silverware clinking continues]
Pablo, believe it or not, the rude middle-aged man ya brought is kind of
ruining my "mom time."
Ash, you're wrong, I'm right.
Lay off. That's her real mom.
Well. [Giggles]
Can we get back to dinner or, um, did you have some more questions for
me?
[Speaking softly] Seriously.
Well, actually, just one more.
[Grunts]
[yells]
Oh my God!
Oh, God.
Honey!
Holy sh1t!
Mom!
Dad: Can you hear me?
Suzy, Suzy!
[Whimpering]
Honey? Oh, oh God.
What the f*ck is wrong with you, huh?!
Dad: How dare you!
You come into our house, [eerie music playing] eat our food and then, I
mean...
[in deep voice] Ash!
[Panting]
[Growling]
[Gasping] Oh.
Oh, good.
I was startin' to feel like a real dick.
[Stammering] Honey...?
[Growling continues]
[Gasps]
[Deadite snarling]
[Panting]
[Gun clicks]
[suspenseful music playing]
[Grunts]
[Deadite roaring]
[Buzzing]
[clattering]
[Panting]
[Panting]
Pablo, you okay?
Yeah.
I'm okay.
Kelly.
Where's Kelly?
Kelly?!
[Sobbing]
[Panting]
[Buzzing]
[gasping]
[Sobbing continues]
Uh, mm.
Suzy: Hush little baby. Don't say a word.
Momma's gonna buy you a mockingbird.
[Speaking softly] Mom?
And if that mockingbird don't sing, Momma's gonna buy you a diamond
ring.
[Speaking softly] Mom...
What is happening?
[Eerie music playing]
[thunder crashing]
[Panting]
[Speaking softly] Kelly, please.
[Sobbing] Please help me.
I-I don't know what's going on.
You... you killed Dad.
[Whispering] Oh no.
[Sobbing] Oh God.
I-I bla... I blacked out.
I, uh, please, I think you can, I think you can help me beat it.
[laughing]
[Gasps] I will.
I will, Mommy. I'll help you.
[Voice cracking] I'll help you.
[Banging]
[grunting]
[Buzzing]
You left dinner before Daddy excused you.
No! No, wait, wait!
Look, she's fine, she's fine, she's fighting it!
We can save her.
It's too late for saving. Back off!
No, no, no...
Baby, baby.
It's okay.
No.
Come here, come here.
[Sobbing]
Baby.
[Gunshot] [screaming]
[Grunting continues]
[Screaming]
[Groaning]
[Panting]
[Hissing]
Oh, f*ck!
sh1t!
No!
[grunting]
[clicking]
[Groaning]
[Screaming]
Mom, please!
[Snarling]
Mom, please...
Ash! Ash, help us!
[yells]
[laughs]
Time to die!
[Buzzing]
[Pablo screaming]
You got that right.
[Screaming]
[dramatic music playing]
[Shrieking]
[Groaning]
[Growling]
[Buzzing]
[groaning]
[Screaming]
[Thunder crashing]
Good night, Mother.
[Head splattering]
[Whimpering]
[Dramatic music ends]
So, look um, I'm not a grief counselor, but if it's any consolation, I have
had to kill and bury loved ones before.
A bunch of times actually.
This "Evil," it made me think my mom was alive.
Killed my dad.
I hate whatever did this.
Yup, that was my takeaway, too.
Yeah, yeah, me too.
I also hate this Evil.
Ash, I'm not sorry that I took your book to get you to come up here.
I'm not either.
Sometimes the whale needs his bait fish to remind him of where he is in
the ocean.
Or somethin' like that.
Anyway, thanks, Pablo.
Kelly, if you really hate what did this, you should come with us.
Let's bring the fight to it.
I mean, I guess I don't know what else I would do.
Well, she shouldn't be alone right now.
Plus, you're kinda like a young me.
Deadites ruined your life and you're hot as hell.
[Chuckles]
Okay, let's get to the book store and hit the undo button on this BS once
and for all.
You know they were Jewish, right?