Olberding 1

Abby Olberding
Professor Polking
English 105
11 November 2016
How Fear Ruined My Life by Being Shy
When I was little I remember coming home from school with letters for my parents that
my teachers sent home. I never knew what they were until I was old enough to know where my
parents kept my booklet with what I would later know as report cards. There I found comments
made by my teachers saying Abby needs to stop being distracted by her peers or Abby is busy
conversing with her peers and isnt focused in class. This triggers a unforgettable memory
when I had to move seats in art class, not once but twice because I was so focused on conversing
with my peers. Until elementry school I was reasonably an outgoing person, but then
somewhere along grade school (4th-5th grade) I suddenly had no interest in talking, or only
talking to certain people I was comfortable with and obtained the title shy. As the years passed
Ive sometimes asked myself, What happened that made me so self concious that I cant talk to
people? or gave myself Pep talks telling myself just talk! Its not going to kill you. To this
day I am still asking myself these questions. To this day I remain diffident. Diffidence is the
modesty or shyness resulting from a lack of self confidence: people usually think diffidence is
the fault of the individual, but it is not.
According to The Demise of Diffidence: An Agenda for Occupational Therapy,
diffidence becomes more prominent between the ages of 15-20- statistics say that one third of
people with this disorder have a fear of speaking in front of groups, and are anxious in most

Olberding 2
situations. With this statistic out there I can say I am part of this one third, speaking in front of
groups terrifies me-Id rather go to the dentist (and thats saying a lot). Some studies said that
the cause of diffidence in the form of anxiety is inherited. When I heard that diffidence was an
inherited trait, I didnt believe it. Theres not a single person in my family thats shy. Only about
7% of Americans surveyed indicated that they have never experienced shyness their entire lives
(Indiana University). So if you thought you were alone, you arent.
Signs of diffidence can start as early as age five and go into risk period which is right
before puberty The Demise of Diffidence: An Agenda for Occupational Therapy. Early signs
of diffidence include the following: warming up to people slowly, and avoiding social situations.
To go more in depth the risk period is when the child is a teenager and since its right before
puberty, it can affect how they react with people their age. They avoid social situations and stay
away from a group of people, which can be a factor in how many friends they have throughout
middle school and high school. This lack of friends is among the serious consequences of
diffidence.
Other consequences are behavioral issues from the lack of social skills, different
parenting styles than those individuals that are more outgoing, and diffidence passed on to
children. Shy people tend to date a lot less than the non-shy person and have fewer friends. They
are less expressive and verbal; in fact, the less they have to speak, the better they like it Indiana
University. Even a simple conversation creates quite a problem, as you might imagine for the
shy person. Theyre so busy wondering what the other person is thinking of them, that they fail
to concentrate on the conversation itself. They are, in fact so busy living in their own heads,
trying to be perfect, that they dont learn to express themselves very well. Shy people are selfconscious, sometimes painfully so, and that gets in the way of every interaction in their

Olberding 3
livesThe Consequences of Shyness. Shy individuals have a bad self-image and report more
negative thoughts on a daily basis than the non-shy person. Interacting is so difficult and painful
for them, that they tend to avoid any and all social occasions. Unfortunately, that means they are
lacking in social skills as well. Social skills are learned and need to be practiced. The more they
see themselves as awkward, socially inhibited, unfriendly and even incompetent, the less they
want to socialize, the more they avoid any and all social occasions The Consequences of
Shyness. It is very true that social skills are something to be learned and continued to practice.

Modesty, shy, and self conscious. These are all simpler terms for the word diffident and
have similar meanings. Underestimating one's abilities is modest, being reserved is shy, and self
conscious is being aware of oneself. Some subtle differences that are usually overlooked are the
finer details like underestimation of ones abilities and quietness. Most people only think there is
one type of shyness, but there are three: publicly shy, privately shy, and socially anxious shy.
Publicly shy individuals express distress as a consequence of more overt manifestations of their
shyness, such as through being too quiet, behaving awkwardly, and failing to respond
appropriately in social situations (e.g., not acknowledging a compliment) (Indiana University).
According to Indiana University, Privately shy individuals express distress as a consequence of
more covert manifestations of their shyness, such as through intense psychophysiological arousal
(e.g., pounding heart, muscle tension, and anxiety reactions)(Indiana University). Finally socially
anxious individuals express distress as a consequence of more cognitive manifestations of their

Olberding 4
shyness, such as being excessively self-conscious (e.g., do my clothes fit right) and overly
concerned about being evaluated socially by others (e.g., I wonder what she thinks of my
comment). I feel that I fall into the Socially Anxious category of shyness more than the others
because when I am walking in the hallway and there's a person walking toward me, I avoid the
possibility of conversation by pretending to be on my phone. Or when talking to someone my
mind sometimes wanders to thinking, what are they thinking right now, what do they think of
me? The organization of breaking down shyness in categories is very helpful to the individuals
with diffidence.
Andre Dubus said that Shyness has a strange element of narcissism, a belief that how
we look, how we perform, is truly important to other people. This is one of many sayings of
shyness and diffidence because its true in my opinion, shy people do have a fullness of
themselves because of them lacking communication with others. Another one is shy people
notice everything, but they do not get noticed.(anonymous) This is understandable because
people who are shy stay back and watch rather than get into the conversation.
Brave, bold, and outgoing, are all words to describe what diffidence isnt. Diffident
people try to achieve these terms because of feeling inferior towards their peers because of their
lack of communication and social skills. There are hundreds of studies out there that prove that
their are some ways to overcome shyness. There are the basic ones that give a glimpse of what to
do to get over it, then there are the in depth detailed paragraphs that turn into pages of ways to
get over shyness and become an outgoing individual. Depending on how shy you are determines
how much assistance you need.
From my point of view, for example, I used to be really shy and if I was called on for a
presentation, I would beg for the teacher to let me go another time. Depending on who the

Olberding 5
teacher was, and if they liked me enough determined whether or not I would get my way out of a
presentation or speech. Now when Im called on to talk in front of the class or give a
presentation, I dont beg to get out of it- I go up there and do what I have to, to get a good grade
on the project and dont really worry about what everyone thinks of the presentation. Based on
my presentation past, it helps to be a good conversationalist and have good communication.
Conversation is a key to our society. Being a good conversationalist is a big part of our
lives. We spend most of our time talking and another big chunk of time listening to one another.
For this is how we communicate with one another. Many people ask how does diffidence start?
Or what makes diffidence occur in our lives? Since diffidence is inherited through the years there
isnt a cure to make it completely disappear. An example of shyness occurring could be a
traumatic event that occurred during a speech or presentation, or maybe as a child you were
yelled at so many times for talking that you just felt better off not talking and stuck to only
talking to a few people. Avoiding saying your ideas is a negative effect of shyness. According to
an unknown source, Many great ideas have been lost because the people who had them could
not stand being laughed at. This is another great example of social shyness, because when there
is a good idea present and the person is too scared to share it goes unknown because of the fear
of getting laughed at. Everyone at one point in their lives has felt self conscious about something
theyve said. Shy individuals hang onto their shyness because its familiar- and what we are used
to. Shyness makes us feel safe because of how close it is to us in our lives. Mentally rehearsing
in our heads what we are going to say when talking to new people, and even our closest friends is
something we do continuously. People who are diffident feel as though they have lost a part of
themselves, but they havent. They have proven to be one of the strongest groups of people.They

Olberding 6
have shown that no matter what the challenge diffidence wasnt their choice and they will
overcome it.

Works Cited
"A Quote by Andre Dubus." Goodreads. N.p., n.d. Web. 10 Nov. 2016.
Alm, Charlotte. "The Role of Shyness and Self-focused Attention for Attribution of Reactions in
Social
Situations to Internal and External causes." Scandinavian Journal of Psychology 48.6
(2007): 519+. Academic OneFile. Web. 12 Oct. 2016.
By staying all alone and avoiding others, youre also avoiding those. ARE YOU SHY?
Shyness!
What It Means &Amp; How to Overcome It,
shynessandanxiety.blogspot.com/2009/05/shyness.html.
Indiana University Southeast. Are We Born Shy? : Trustees of Indiana University, 2016,
www.ius.edu/shyness/frequently-asked-questions/are-we-born-shy.php.
Kielhofner G. "The Demise of Diffidence: An Agenda for Occupational Therapy." National
Center for
Biotechnology Information. U.S. National Library of Medicine, Oct. 1985. Web. 13 Oct.
2016.
"Shyness and Love: Causes, Consequences, and Treatment." Adolescence 28.109 (1993): 241.
Academic OneFile. Web. 13 Oct. 2016.
Victore, James. Op-Ed: Confidence vs. Shyness. Digital image. Empowering the Creative
Community. Behance, n.d. Web. 7 Nov. 2016.

Olberding 7
Walsh, Joseph. "Shyness and Social Phobia: a Social Work Perspective on a Problem in
Living."Health
and Social Work 27.2 (2002): 137+. Academic OneFile. Web. 12 Oct. 2016.
Zal, H. Michael. "Social Anxiety Disorder: How to Help." Consultant Aug. 2000:
1686.Academic OneFile. Web. 13 Oct. 2016.