The Shift

A collection of short stories

Tanner Muller
1
For those who are afraid to push the boundaries

2
Synopsis

During this exploration, I studied the basics of postmodernism and how it can be applied as a
way of producing a rather unique collection of short fiction. With a particular focus on
Catholicism, the project offers an insight and a commentary on how society may view the
religion in the postmodern world. Particular aspects of this theory have served as a guideline
to my approach. Each story is united by their fragmentation of Catholicism and how every
character has their faith (through multiple variations) challenged in some way.

During my time in Cambridge, I was taken aback by the serenity of the Selwyn College
Chapel. I found that my faith was profoundly affected. Standing alone in the isle, directly
facing this monument of Christ was a way for me to focus on my own beliefs, without
distraction. The space drew me in, as though an invisible force were placing me under a spell
of trust.

The overall purpose of this collection is to recognise how these stories are a progression. In
order for our world to develop, I believe we need to adjust how others think about religion.
Instead of segregating ideas, society needs to accept people for their own choices and
preferences. Achieving this outcome will unite us in the postmodern world. Although
distorting the concepts and ideas of Catholicism, I am nonetheless promoting how those with
different systems of belief, can be, and should be, tolerated.

3
 Contents

Forgive Me, O Lord, For I Have Seen the Truth 5

Priests Command 7

The Scarf with a Thousand Eyes 8

She Has Seen the Light 9

She, Mary 11

The House 13

A Brief Conversation 16

Appendix 17

4
 Forgive me, O Lord, For I Have Seen the Truth

She grew up in a suburban neighbourhood and attended a local Catholic school. The girl was
made to wear a uniform, with knee high socks and a blazer displaying the schools emblem
on the breast pocket. Ut fides vestra forma futuri was the slogan, roughly translating from
Latin as Faith to shape your future.
Now class, I would like for you to open your Bibles to Genesis 1:1 her teacher said
one particular morning.
The girl was familiar with this passage. Her knowledge of the scriptures was vast in
comparison to her peers, who sat at the tables with their shoulders hunched over the desk.
Some began to flip through the pages in hope of stumbling upon the passage by chance. But
she, and perhaps only she, knew precisely where it was located.
Psssst, a girl with crooked teeth who sat beside her whispered, I cant find it.
Towards the front, she said in response.
The teacher read the verse aloud, ignoring those who continued to riffle through the
pages
In the beginning, God created the heavens and the Earth. Now the earth was formless and
empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over
the water. And God said Let there be light, and there was light. God saw that the light was
good, and he separated the light from the darkness. God called the light day, and the
darkness he called night. And there was evening and there was morning 1

Once the reading was complete, some the students raised their hands and discredited the
scripter by referring to scientific theory.
Excuse me miss, but I watched a documentary that said dinosaurs roamed the Earth
before they became extinct, one of them said.
I heard the world was started with a big bang. At least, thats what my dad told me,
said another.
Without any doubt in her mind, she disputed their claims with her own knowledge.
This cannot be condemned, she said, we must not dispute the words that came from
the Lords mouth.
Although many chuckled at this, she maintained her faith, recognising how these
sinners would surely burn for eternity if they did not repent and change their ways. Nothing
was able to intercept her beliefs. God was the only answer, to her. He was above all else.

That evening, she attended church alone. At the entrance, stood a crowd of eager church-
goers, hovering at the door like a raft of penguins. She brushed past them and found a seat
towards the middle. The girl faced the large monument of a crucifix. It gazed down at the
church as the definitive symbol of their beliefs. Usually, the girl would stare into the eyes of
His son, to remind herself of the sacrifice he made for us all. But on this occasion, she did not
and glanced the other way instead.

Quiet chatter spread amongst the space, as the believers flocked to their seats along the many
rows of wooden pews. The girl found herself nervously fidgeting with her hands when the
priest approached the alter. Accompanying him, were two young boys dressed in robes. They
brought with them a brass plate of bread and a cup of wine that was neatly covered with a
folded white cloth.

5
 The crowd fell silent as the priest raised his arms above his tired shoulders.
Let us pray, he began, we are gathered here today
The girls thoughts had suddenly trailed off. She could no longer provide her fullest
attention.
She noticed how everyone in the church listened intently, without distractionas
though the priest was slowly lulling them into a hypnotism. They remained focused,
unmovable. The girl was confident that even a natural disaster would fail to divert their
attention.
It was then a thought had entered her mind. It was an unusual thought, a strange
realisation that doubted the significance and validity of her beliefs.
Was this His way of punishing me for becoming distracted in a sacred space? She
speculated this to herself.

The thought was seeded in her mind and remained prominent when she arrived home that
night. She knelt beside her bedframe and spoke ten of the Blessed Virgins prayer.
Hail Mary, full of grace, our Lord is with you. Blessed are you among woman, and blessed is
the fruit of your womb Jesus. Hail Mary, mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the
house of our death. Amen.
My Lord, she continued to preach, Please forgive me. I have questioned your
existence, and therefore, I have sinned.
During similar moments of doubt, she would pray and instantly feel as though she
were forgiven. The girl felt that He would acknowledge and accept her pleas. But on this
occasion, there was an emptiness inside her. God was missing.
She reached for her rosary beads that dangled from her lamp on the bedside table. The
girl clenched it beneath her fist and began to pull, separating the holy necklace to its fullest
capacity. Beads dispersed across the floor. This was her faith now. Scattered, broken into
pieces.
I no longer believe, she whispered, forgive me O Lord, for I have seen the truth.

6
 Priests Command

I was asked by you to remain after the service was complete and assist you with tidying the
church. But once the space was empty, you pressed your hands into my waist. Instantly, I felt
a sense of discomfort. There was no escaping these four walls I had become so familiar with.
In that moment, the church felt distorted somehow, as though you had painted the walls or
shifted the furniture. I sat along the front pew and you winked at me, like you were proud of
what you were about to achieveto finally replace your imagination with reality, to fulfil your
vial fantasy.
Im going to take my robe off now, you proclaimed.
You took command of the atmosphere and manipulated my undeveloped sense of
being. You stood in front of me, your body towering over like a skyscraper. You removed
each article of your clothing slowly, bit by bit. I quivered in fear as you took my hand and
placed it onto your neck. It felt cold and rough to the touch. From that point onwards, you
strung me around like a puppet, using my strings to move me however you pleased. Your
wish was my command. There was a clear look of uncertainty riddled upon my face, yet you
proceeded regardless. You probably got a kick out of taking advantage of my youth. The
more discomfort I revealed to you, the better it seemed in your mind.
Touch it, you said gently, almost like a whisper.
I think mum and dad will be mad at me.
Whats more important to you? God? Or your parents? God would want you to do
this. You dont want to go to hell do you?
No, no I dont.
Then do as I tell you and dont say a word about this to anyone.
Over the coming years, these acts formed part of a routine I grew to expect. From that
point onwards, I recognised it as something ordinary and natural. I became your instrument.
With more practice, the more your skills developed. I was your hobby, your toy, your thing,
and there was no way out. You owned me entirely.
As for now, my thoughts are ingrained with doubt. Although recovered from the
ordeal, it has plagued my existence, formed part of my past, present and futurelike a scar
that will never vanish, no matter the lengths I go to cover it. I trusted you. I trusted in my
faith.

7
 The Scarf with a Thousand Eyes

Her scarf had a thousand eyes. They stared at you, constantly watching, a gaze that would
never subside. They were alert of their surroundings at any given moment. She felt protected
whenever the scarf was worn around her neck. She related this feeling to how those of a
Catholic faith are under the impression that a guardian angel is gazing down at them from the
heavens. She lacked a belief in Catholicism. Although curious of the idea, she considered it
be a structure that merely provided believers with a false sense of hope.
Youre a fallen angel, my dear, her mother would say. Maintain your faith in Him,
my child. Trust in Him and He will help guide the way.
Laying in a hospital bed, with cords surrounding her body, she recalled the moment
when her untied shoelace was caught between a crack in the road. Instead of falling onto the
gravel surface, her body levitated. As though an invisible barrier prevented her from making
contact with the ground.
Could this be the work of a higher power? She pondered in that moment, deranged
and confused.
Those who believe will be granted with everlasting fortune. She was curious as to how
this were possible.
He was nailed to a cross, he died for our sins. But for what sins?
Be accepting of one another, be tolerant of peoples differences, but stone to death
those with an incurable disease or burn a man with an attraction to another man.
The hypocrisy of it all, she thought. He, this man they speak so highly of, could not be
responsible for the power her scarf possessed. Surely, He wouldnt provide this ability to a
non-believer.

That same afternoon, she found a tattoo shop and, spontaneously, asked a beastly man for an
eye to be needled onto her forehead.
I want to see more than this world, she said when asked for the reasoning behind this
unusual request.
She asked for him to refer his design to one of the eyes on her scarf. She did not mind
which one.
When the man was complete, the atmosphere did not appear to be the same. Her
world was amplified, renovated.
But, when she took a step outside the girl slipped on a puddle and was stabbed in the
forehead by a sharp object that was so carelessly, and coincidentally, placed on the ground,
directly facing upwards. It struck her eye tattoo and pierced through to her brain.
After this incident, her body was immobile. Although her mind was swarming with
thoughts that were yet to be discovered, she could not communicate them in any shape or
form. She was aware of too much now.
The scarf remained around her neck as she lays there. It continues to watch.
The scarf would eventually leave her, but now, their only purpose was to protect the
woman, to preserve her thoughts for another fallen angel.

8
 She Has Seen the Light

Death

The woman lived in a cottage on the outskirts of Northumbria, overlooking the North Sea.
She sat nestled in an armchair sipping peppermint tea. Despite her lips being coated with
ointment, they were severely cracked. She thought this might have been due to the lack of
humidity in the area. So, she took a sip from the Royal Albert rose teacup to replenish them.
The woman then felt a pulsating discomfort from under her scarfso she lifted it to
scratch between the patches of grey hair that were concealed underneath. Upon this, she
noticed how strands of hair were caught between her decaying fingernails, so she brushed
them away.
Her weak hazel eyes shifted focus and became transfixed on the program Songs of
Praise at the beginning of a new hymn. The volume was muted, but she did not mind this at
all. The woman was able to recall the song by the motions of their lips. She remembered
precisely how it sounded:
What a day that will be,
When my Jesus I shall see,
And I look upon His face,
The One who saved me by his Grace2
She savoured this moment. The woman felt at ease. She reassured herself.
When He takes me by the hand,
And leads me through the Promised Land,
What a day, glorious day that will be. 2
The woman then closed her eyes, dropping the teacup from her hands as liquid soaked the
carpet.

Afterlife

I never knew the meaning of death until now.

I could gain a sense of it through passages from the Bible and their perception of the
afterlifethat when you die, you see the light at the end of tunnel and enter through the pearly
gates of heaven to live in harmony with fellow believers.
I also became aware of how those with a particular faith claimed that our life is
remodeled in other forms once we pass.
But unlike them, I now have a clear image of what the afterlife consists of. I have
become adapted with a heightened outlook, believe what you will.
I will admit that I once trusted in the scripturesthe distinct, though nevertheless,
varied recollections.
Every time I read a passage, it felt as though my existence was enhanced in some way,
I thought I grew wiser.
But now, my point of view has changed, so let the truth be known, allow my voice to
be heard. I have been enlightened.
I have experienced it firsthand.
So listen to me when I say that what you are told can be falsified.
You have the authority to see within the cracks.
Deconstruct what has already been built.

9
 Focus on the intricate details with a fine lense.
Emphasise the moments you question it. As a matter of fact, relish in it, for these are
the moments you are closer to uncovering the truth.

10
 She, Mary

She travels alone

Beneath fields of grass and stone,
Holding a pail of water
Collected from the nearby lake.
She notices how this clear gathering of liquid
Can reflect the interior of her soul.
Some may consider her to be unworthy,
But she would disagree.

The afternoon is blinding

Of scorching rays
And gleaming sunshine,
So she supresses her eyes to a squint.
Her arms ache of displeasure
Her body is weary
And stuck in the midst
Of a weak slumber.

She continues regardless

Mouth parched,
Resisting to conquer her dehydration
And reminding herself
That even a single drop
Would be considered insincere
To her beliefs,
To the faith she vowed to maintain.

So she withdraws the urge

Dismissing it from the fragment
Inside of her mind
Where it began to construct the foundation
Of a cosy dwelling.

Her attention is elsewhere,

Of a tomb that is
Approaching in the distance,
Where His Son lays to rest.
He is the One who was sent
Directly from the Heavens above
To offer eternal peace
Amongst humanity.

She wishes to cleanse him

11
To restore his honour,
To purify his deadly wounds.
But when she enters
He is nowhere to be seen.

She grieves,
Falling to her knees in disbelief.
She prays to Him,
Requesting to know of His Sons whereabouts.

She is then met with the voice of a stranger

Who acknowledges her by name.
She turns to face him and realises
That he is no stranger at all.
As a matter of fact,
He is the son of God.

She attempts to embrace him

But He commands for her to kneel before Him.
The Son informs her to tell of his resurrection,
To notify his followers that he has risen.

12
 The House

It became a nightly routine for Victoria to wander the streets of her neighbourhood when the
day was nearing its retirement. She found this new house to be utterly depressing. Her
husband insisted on a change of scenery due to the circumstances. When she approached the
front door, Victoria found him sitting in a chiropractic armchair watching sports on the
television.
Come on, you bloody dogs! he shrieked in a frail voice.
This irritated Victoria, so she asked for him to remain quiet until she left the house.
He dismissed her request, perhaps considering it a distraction to his viewing of the match.
Youre joking me, umpire. He didnt even have the ball! he continued.
Victoria noticed him wearing a beanie of the teams colours: red and navy blue. She
knew this was the same one she presented to him as a gift during a night of scented
candlelight and a prepared dinner for two. She recalled how this occasion was shared with
laughter and a mutual connection of deep romance that seemed everlasting at the time.
This had, of course, faded as it naturally does during a lengthy marriage of thirty odd
years. The bright spark that once engulfed their love and devotion had burnt to ash. In an
effort of adjusting these initial stages of uncertainty, Victoria fell pregnant and gave birth to a
boy. She named this child Elijah.
When he was twelve, Victoria found him wearing her floral cleaning dress. As she
watched by the door, Victoria saw him staring at himself in the mirror, admitting how he were
different from those around his age. She could not recall his exact words, but remembers how
the issue conflicted him. Elijah struggled with his gender, unable to accept himself as either
male or female. She did not find this to be overly concerning as a mother. Instead, she
considered the incident as a contribution to Elijahs discovery of an identity. A moment later,
Victoria can remember her husband walking into the room, holding a wooden crucifix.
Although unable to recall what occurred from that point onwards, Victoria considered
how this may have been her husbands way of comforting Elijah, father to son. Perhaps, her
husband explained that he should place his faith into God during this time of crisis. She could
only hope this were the case, but even she knew this was an assumption she embellished for
the sake of comfort.

The problem with Victoria was that she often indulged in copious amounts of red wine. Her
husband retired with a rather sizeable pension fund, which fuelled her desiresknowing that
her many purchases of Armand de Brignac would not place them into any form of debt.
While under the spell of drunkenness, she would often misplace important information,
whether it be the location of her keys, the place she left the cordless house phone, her ability
to recall the cause of her sons death.
The detective and the media identified it as a suicide, suggesting how it was probably
all too much for a young boy with gender issues.
I wouldnt blame the poor fella, if I were him, her husband told the detective when they
undertook an investigation of the house, he was Gods mistake. It was right of him to correct
it.

On one of her intoxicated episodes, Victoria pressured her husband into telling her the true
reasoning of Elijahs death.

13
 Surely you know what happened, dear. You were the last person I remember being in
that room with him. I just dont believe what the police said about him is true. Elijah would
never do something like that.
The husband left the room for a moment and returned with a kitchen knife. He pressed
it against her neck.
You already know what happened, Victoria, he said Elijah struck himself over the
temple with a cross, remember?
Yes, dear. How could I forget? Victoria responded, shaken.

She often wondered about her son when she began these nightly walks, hoping the clean air
would allow her mind to piece together the glitch in her memory. Victoria was persistent in
uncovering this hidden truth that she knew had been concealed.
During this evening, her unpredictable steps had taken her to the old house. Although
steadily eroding, Victoria imagined it as though it had been newly constructed, the bricks
freshly cemented, the windows clean from stains.
She began to bite some of the dirt from her fingernails as she was taken aback by
what she saw. An image flashed before her. She could see it now.

It had been an afternoon in early spring when a boy, who was much younger than Victoria,
walked up a flight of stairs. Something unusual that struck Victoria was how he exuded
feminine qualities. He walked with a certain demeanour she had never seen. It was a though
he were walking on a cloud. Victoria, with her wine glass in hand, followed him to the
bedroom where she and her husband once shared. Here, the boy rummaged through her
wardrobe. He admired Victorias raggedy floral cleaning dress and took it from the hanger to
try it on. The boy then noticed a tube of red lipstick on the cabinet nearby. He grabbed it
reluctantly and gently coated his lips. Victoria watched as he stood in front of the mirror, with
a smile firmly planted on his face.
Beautiful, the boy said, I think shes absolutely beautiful. People dont understand
you, Elijah. I dont think they ever will. Ive decided to call her Ruby. That name suits me, I
think. I could change it, you know. But that wont be until Im older.
Victorias husband overheard these words from the next room. He shoved Victoria
aside and entered with a wooden crucifix clenched firmly beneath his fists. The husband
grabbed the boy and held him against the wall. He then began to beat him repeatedly over
the temple. Blood trickled down his face and stained the floorboards in a puddle of murky
red. Despite his cries of displeasure, the husband continued. Victoria was stunned by what
she had witnessed. The sounds of cruelty made her ears hurt, so she covered them.

Instantly, she ran to the nearest police station to inform an officer of this newly discovered
information.
Maam, this case has been closed for five years now. From the evidence our
detectives collected, there were self-inflicted wounds to the temple that were identified as
being the cause of his death, the officer said.
I insist on having a word to your sergeant, responded Victoria.
Im sorry, maam, there isnt much we can do. Im going to have to ask that you
leave now.
Surely theres something you can do for me? A man, my husband, murdered my son
she asked, becoming more agitated.
Please calm down, maam, or well have to use force.
Victoria calmed herself and took a deep breath as tears began to fall from her eyes.

14
 Im terribly sorry, officer, but I know what happened to him. You can understand a
mothers intuition, cant you?
I wish there was more I could do. Dont make this any harder for
I just dont believe Elijah would have done something like that. Please believe me,
officer. Im a key witness to this crime. It may have taken me all this time, but I remember
now.

Police sirens echoed through the neighbourhood. A sergeant, accompanied by two constables,
approached Victorias house, cautiously.
The sergeant knocked firmly on the front door.
Open up, its the police, he shouted.
No response was heard from the husband. The sergeant told the constables to guard
the back entrance. He spoke again.
Open this door. We have the area surrounded.
Again, there is no answer from inside the house. The sergeant forced entry with a few
kicks of Victorias front door. Once inside, he found the husband sitting lifeless on the
chiropractic armchair, with the television blaring static.

15
 A Brief Conversation

As someone who has grown up religious, and living your life as a Catholic woman, how
important is it for you to maintain your faith?
As I get oldernot overly important. I dont agree with some of the elements of the
church. In particular, how certain woman are considered futile for being physically incapable
of having children. If God created everyone in his own vision, why would this be an issue? I
dont always go to the cemetery to see my father. I have a photo of him in my house to
remember him by. In saying this, I maintain my faith in God and how he provides me with
support in my lifelong journey. Im religious in that regard. I follow the faith my own way.
So for you, its taking elements of the religion and making it fit your own needs?
Thats right. I still have my beliefs, but I dont subscribe to some of the older, more
traditional sides of it. I dont completely practice my religion by going to church to prove
myself to God, because I know He will always be there for me when I need him.
Do you think religion provides you with stability in your life?
YesI believe in being baptised and having communion. You wont go to heaven
otherwise.
In saying that, do you find anything troubling or unsettling about religion? You
mentioned how you wont go to heaven if you dont receive baptism or take the appropriate
steps to have communion. Is going to hell something youre afraid of?
I think its more about providing me with some kind of stability. We really dont have
any idea of whats out there. Whether thats, indeed, the traditional theory of heaven and
hell or something thats unknown to us. We really dont know. So, it offers me the comfort in
knowing that Ive done the right thing and not going through life without anything there to
support meit gives me direction.

16
Appendix
1
Bible Gateway, Genesis 1 New International Version (NIV), Bible Gateway, viewed 3
September 2016, <https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Genesis+1>
2
Hill, J 2008, Homecoming Picnic, Apple Music, Spring Music Group.

17