1278_ASC_BondiDreaming_COVER

BONDI
DREAMING
Sam Atwell

BONDI DREAMING
Sam Atwell 2011

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BONDI DREAMING SAM ATWELL

NATIONAL PLAY FESTIVAL 2011 COLLECTION OF PLAYS

Bondi Dreaming
by
Sam Atwell

Inspired by the events of the Bali Nine and Australian Prisoners

over seas.

Edited by
Leah Pappin & Marcel Bracks
Dramaturgy
Mary-Ann Gifford & Becky Chapman
3rd April 2011

Sam Atwell

CHARACTERS
CHARLIE LANGER, 31 years old
FRANCIS RYAN (FRANKIE), 31 years old,
PETER McKENZIE (MACCA), 33 years old
All the characters also play their younger selves and characters real and imagined from
their lives.
SETTING
The play is set in a small dank Asian prison cell but the characters role-play transports
the audience to many other destinations.

Sam Atwell

2.

ACT ONE
SCENE ONE
In an Asian prison cell FRANCIS RYAN puts his hands
over the eyes of his fellow inmate CHARLIE LANGER.
FRANCIS
Okay...So close your eyes. No peaking alright?
CHARLIE
Yeah alright?
FRANCIS stands CHARLIE up.
FRANCIS
Up you get.
FRANCIS walks him up and around an imaginary flight
of stairs.
FRANCIS
Watch your step mate. Okay...two more. Alright...hang on.
FRANCIS mimes opening a door.
FRANCIS
You ready?
CHARLIE
Yep.
FRANCIS
Really?
CHARLIE
Yep.
FRANCIS takes his hands from CHARLIES eyes.
FRANCIS
Surprise!
CHARLIE gasps as he sees an imaginary gathering of
his friends and family.

Sam Atwell

3.

CHARLIE
Oh shit! Wow! You did ... Shit...I cant believe it. Did you do all this?
FRANCIS
Oh...you know, other people helped out.
CHARLIE
Bugger me. Gday Mum...Dad.
FRANCIS
Yeah they helped out. Gday Mr. Langer.
CHARLIE moves towards two imaginary friends.
CHARLIE
Porridge, Kenny?
FRANCIS
Kenny sorted the booze.
CHARLIE
Cheers mate...Nah thanks a lot...Hey Sis, youre lookin hot!
CHARLIE spots another familiar face.
CHARLIE
Alberecht! Dough-boy! You fly all the way from Perth you fat bastard? Should have
walked. Youre the best...cheers.
FRANCIS
Beer mate?
CHARLIE
Pope a Bear?
FRANCIS
Catholic shit in the woods?
CHARLIE spotting even more familiar faces.
CHARLIE
Lisa, Connie...Hey uncle Tom! Leanne...kids here? No worries...big peoples night hey!
CHARLIE mimes grabbing a beer off FRANCIS.
CHARLIE
Cheers mate.
CHARLIE spots his girlfriend.
Sam Atwell

4.

CHARLIE
And Stephie.
FRANCIS
Stephie did all the decorations.
CHARLIE
(Speaking to an imaginary STEPHIE)
Thanks...
CHARLIE pretends to be listening as the imaginary
Stephie whispers something in his ear.
CHARLIE
Oh really? Cant wait for that.
FRANCIS
Got Hendos band.
CHARLIE
Thought he was up the Goldie?
FRANCIS
Came back.
CHARLIE
Legend.
FRANCIS
Another beer?
CHARLIE
Fuck off...just cracked...
FRANCIS
Its your birthday mate. Skull!
CHARLIE
You!
FRANCIS
Already on my second.
CHARLIE
Alrightie then.
CHARLIE skulls his beer.

Sam Atwell

5.

CHARLIE
Frankie
FRANCIS
Yep
CHARLIE
Youre a good cunt.

Sam Atwell

6.

SCENE TWO
They stare each other for a long time. Then FRANCIS
walks to CHARLIE, takes him by the hand.
CHARLIE
Hey Stephie.
FRANCIS points up to an imaginary night sky.
FRANCIS
Look.
They both look up at imaginary stars and smoke an
imaginary joint.
CHARLIE
See...thats the saucepan, and then over there...thats the Southern Cross.
FRANCIS role plays being CHARLIES girlfriend
STEPHIE.
FRANCIS (AS STEPHIE)
Where?
CHARLIE
There...see? Thats the two pointers right...
FRANCIS(AS STEPHIE)
The bright ones?
CHARLIE
Cant see many others out here can ya.
FRANICS(AS STEPHIE)
I see them. I used to look at them with Mum.
CHARLIE
Did ya?
FRANICS(AS STEPHIE)
Yeah, I used to say this one prayer every night before I went to bed to make sure
everyone was safe but then, when I was six, Grand-ma and Grand-pa both died but Mum
told me if I looked really hard at those two stars and said the prayer then I could see them
both waving down at me from heaven.
Now I lay me down to sleep
I pray the lord my soul to keep
Sam Atwell

7.

FRANCIS (AS
STEPHIE)
If I should die before I
wake
I pray the Lord my
soul to take

CHARLIE
If I die before I wake
I pray the lord my
soul to take.

CHARLIE
Yeah I know it.
FRANCIS (AS STEPHIE)
Its nice.
CHARLIE
Stephie?
FRANICS(AS STEPHIE)
Yeah?
CHARLIE
Can I tell you something?
FRANCIS (AS STEPHIE)
Course.
CHARLIE
Nothing...doesnt matter.
FRANCIS(AS STEPHIE)
Charlie?
CHARLIE
Yeah?
FRANCIS(AS STEPHIE)
Do you love me?
CHARLIE
Jesus.
FRANCIS(AS STEPHIE)
Jesus?
CHARLIE
Nah, I mean like yeah of course...I just...
FRANCIS (as Stephie)
Just what?
Sam Atwell

8.

CHARLIE
Well yeah...yeah.
FRANCIS(AS STEPHIE)
Yeah...yeah, what?
CHARLIE
What?
FRANCIS(AS STEPHIE)
Say it.
CHARLIE
What?
FRANCIS(AS STEPHIE)
You know what.
CHARLIE
Steph...
FRANCIS(AS STEPHIE)
What?
CHARLIE kisses FRANCIS tenderly.
FRANCIS(AS STEPHIE)
Happy 21st baby.
They lay down together as night changes to morning.

Sam Atwell

9.

SCENE THREE
CHARLIE and FRANCIS sleep holding each other.
CHARLIE stirs and wakes. He talks to the sleeping
FRANCIS as if he is STEPHIE.
CHARLIE
No, its okay Stephie ...you sleep for awhile darl. Nah, its only early...Better get back to
my room anyway yeah...snore away darling. Yes you bloody do! Like a freight train...Ill
wake you later alright ...
CHARLIE get up and goes about his morning routine in
the cell.
CHARLIE
Oi! Wake up!
FRANCIS
Shut up.
CHARLIE
Whatcha doing!? Youre in the bloody lounge room mate. What if my Mum walks in?
FRANCIS
Fuck off.
CHARLIE
Get dressed.
FRANCIS
Go away.
CHARLIE
Want me to piss on you?
FRANCIS
On ya Mums couch?
CHARLIE
Get up!
FRANCIS
Why?
CHARLIE
Cos Im bored.

Sam Atwell

10.

FRANCIS
Bloody hell.
FRANCIS reluctantly gets up.
FRANCIS
Im up. Jesus.
FRANCIS gets dressed.
CHARLIE
Good.
FRANCIS
Yeah, great. Tip top.
Pause
FRANCIS
Good night, hey?
CHARLIE
Hey?
FRANCIS
Last night?
CHARLIE
Oh yeah mate, good night. Bloody good night. Time you crash?
FRANCIS
Tied it on a bit with Macca and the boys.
CHARLIE
Macca here?
FRANCIS
Yeah, came by after you went to bed.
CHARLIE
Bloody hell. Didnt wake me? Well, wasnt sleeping that much. What you do?
FRANCIS
All went over to Hendos.
CHARLIE
Did ya?

Sam Atwell

11.

FRANCIS
Yeah, was awesome. Half the team bloody going for it.
CHARLIE
Going for it?
FRANCIS
In his pool. Chicks there too mate, all went skinny dipping.
CHARLIE
What? Total?
FRANCIS
Yep...well few kept their undies on.
CHARLIE
Serious? What chicks?
FRANCIS
Saw Laylas tits.
CHARLIE
Youre kidding?
FRANCIS
Tegan, Sar-bear, Riannon, Brooke...Shes developed.
CHARLIE
Why didnt you get me?
FRANCIS
Thought you were pretty sorted mate?
CHARLIE
Yeah...yeah I was. Did you talk to Macca?
FRANCIS
Not really. I mean not...just beers ya know.
CHARLIE
Yeah right.
FRANCIS
Why?
CHARLIE
I dont know. Ive just been thinking about it. Its Pretty risky. Was a good night, ya
know, seeing everyone and...I dont know I just kinda... Stephie dropped the L bomb.
Sam Atwell

12.

FRANCIS
Your shitting me?
CHARLIE
Nah
FRANCIS
Did you say it back?
They look at each other
FRANCIS
Right. Nice birthday present?
CHARLIE
Hey?
FRANCIS
From Steph?
CHARLIE
Dont kiss an tell mate.
FRANCIS
She stayed over though?
CHARLIE
Yeah
FRANCIS
Did ya Mum make up the spare room again?
CHARLIE
Yep pulled the old six am sneak back.
FRANCIS
Little devil. So cmon...
CHARLIE
What?
FRANCIS
What?
CHARLIE
Nothing.
Sam Atwell

13.

FRANCIS
Cmon mate, I got nothing...just a bit of a show.
CHARLIE
Mate...I dont...
FRANCIS
Please.
CHARLIE
Nothing to tell.
A moments silence.
FRANCIS looks pleadingly at CHARLIE.
CHARLIE
Fuck off.
Another moments silence.
FRANCIS
Shes got the nicestCHARLIE
Easy!
FRANCIS
Yeah alright, sorry mate.
Silence.
FRANCIS
So whats on the cards today?
CHARLIE
Spose we better clean up hey?
FRANCIS
Cant your Mum do it.
CHARLIE
Frankie.
FRANCIS
Yeah alright.
Sam Atwell

14.

CHARLIE
Training later.
FRANCIS
Bullshit.
CHARLIE
Yeah.
FRANCIS
Not going.

Sam Atwell

15.

SCENE FOUR
CHARLIE begins to stretch and FRANCIS then gets ready
to play Rugby. He passes and imaginary Rugby ball to
CHARLIE as a warm up and then they go into the game
proper. They run up and down the field passing the ball
and taking tackles.
FRANCIS
Alright boys come on couple more to go. Line up, line. Come on. Push, push. Hold the
line. Alright, alright up you get, up you get. Lets go, Lets go. Alright here we go. Out
to Porridge.
Having been passed the ball by FRANCIS, CHARLIE
adopts the role of their mate PORRIDGE running up the
field.
FRANCIS
Alright come on play it, come on two to go. Cmon Charlie out to Kenny.
CHARLIE now adopts the role of their mate KENNY
FRANCIS
Yes Kenny and now pass it out to Macca.
FRANCIS sees that the imaginary MACCA isnt there to
receive the pass so turns to CHARLIE and addresses him
as their friend MACCA.. CHARLIE now adopts
MACCAS character.
FRANCIS
Macca where are ... Stay out there Macca. Youre on the fuckin wing, bloody stay
there...
CHARLIE (AS MACCA)
Ever heard of the wrap around fool?
FRANCIS
Macca, whos the bloody captain?
CHARLIE(AS MACCA)
You are Frankie.
FRANCIS
Did I call for the wrap around?
Sam Atwell

16.

Silence
FRANCIS
Whos the bloody captain?
CHARLIE(AS MACCA)
By default.
FRANCIS
Whatd you bloody say?
CHARLIE(AS MACCA)
Fuck off Frankie!
FRANCIS
What did you say?
CHARLIE, switching roles, now plays the character of
COACH.
CHARLIE (AS COACH)
Francis Ryan...what the bloody hells going on here? You going to play the ball or not?
FRANCIS
Bit of bloody dissention in the ranks Coach.
CHARLIE(AS COACH)
Were not here to fuck spiders Ryan...Were here so we can beat bloody Newtown on
Saturday. If you want to toss off with McKenzie, do it in your own bloody time.
CHARLIE(AS MACCA)
Yeah Ryan.
CHARLIE(AS COACH)
And you shut youre mouth McKenzie. If I wanted your opinion I wouldve asked your
Mother.
CHARLIE(AS MACCA)
Bit below the belt coach, Mums in bloody hospital.
CHARLIE(AS COACH)
Get on the bloody wing where you belong McKenzie. And Ryan stay there and play the
bloody ball.
FRANCIS
Cheers Coach. Stay on the wing Mackenzie.
Sam Atwell

17.

FRANCIS and CHARLIE both return to their own roles.

CHARLIE
Cmon Frankie, play the ball. Were not hear to fuck spiders.
FRANCIS
Shut up Charlie.
FRANCIS goes to play the ball he passes it to CHARLIE
who kicks it as the siren sounds for the end of the game.
The boys walk off the field and up to the clubhouse.

Sam Atwell

18.

SCENE FIVE
At the Clubhouse bar. CHARLIE continues to play the
role of MACCA.
FRANCIS
Alright Macca? Im sorry about your Mum...
CHARLIE(AS MACCA)
Why? Shes not dead yet.
FRANCIS
Im just saying, Im sorry Coach said that in front of...
CHARLIE(AS MACCA)
...fuck off.
FRANCIS
Righto.
Silence.
CHARLIE(AS MACCA)
I know you didnt call for the...(wrap around)
FRANCIS
Hey?
CHARLIE(AS MACCA)
Dont make me apologise Frankie.
FRANCIS
Nah...good play mate, wrong one, but a good one.
CHARLIE(AS MACCA)
Bastard.
FRANCIS
You too. Cheers.
CHARLIE(AS MACCA)
Cheers. Hows the solarium going?
An uncomfortable moment of silence.
FRANCIS
Shit-house mate. Reckon were going to lose everything...bloody spray tan.
Sam Atwell

19.

CHARLIE(AS MACCA)
Yeah right. Listen mate, I hear what Charlies saying but honestly its a piece of piss. Fix
all ya shit. Think about it have another word with him hey. You blokes goin up to
Randys later?
FRANCIS
Maybe.
CHARLIE(AS MACCA)
Fair enough. Talk to Charlie hey?
FRANCIS
Yeah see ya Macca.
CHARLIE returns to his own character as FRANCIS
walks away from CHARLIE. They both stew on their
thoughts.

Sam Atwell

20.

SCENE SIX
CHARLIE begins to yell at FRANCIS indicating an
imaginary bench press. FRANCIS quickly realises the
game and begins to lift the invisible weights.
CHARLIE
Cmon mate, push it. Breathe. In...out. Cmon you can do it if you put your mind to it.
FRANCIS
Shut up Charlie.
CHARLIE
Cmon.
FRANCIS
Shut up!
FRANCIS rests the imaginary weights bar back into its
saddle.
FRANCIS
There...need a rest mate.
CHARLIE
Yeah, no worries. Pussy.
FRANCIS
You have another go.
CHARLIE
Piss off.
While FRANCIS sits to recover, CHARLIE spots an
imaginary GIRL IN GREEN.
CHARLIE
Hows she?
FRANCIS
Who?
CHARLIE
Chick over there...in the green.

Sam Atwell

21.

FRANCIS
Where?
CHARLIE
Over there on the treads, near Macca, blondie.
FRANCIS
Mate thats blue.
CHARLIE
Youre off your head its turquoise. Shes hot.
FRANCIS
Yeah, she is.
CHARLIE
Go an ask her out.
FRANCIS
Yeah, right.
CHARLIE
Why not?
FRANCIS
Look at me.
CHARLIE
What? Shes all sweaty.
FRANCIS
Not what I mean.
CHARLIE
Mate, if you dont try...
FRANCIS
Chicks like that mate.
CHARLIE
Look at me, Im no oil painting...got Steph though.
FRANCIS
Yeah, youre a lucky man Charlie Langer, a lucky man.
They sit for a moment in contemplation.
CHARLIE
Cmon, go ask her out. Just see what happens. Youll never know unless you go.
Sam Atwell

22.

FRANCIS sits brooding.

CHARLIE
Do it for me Frankie...do it...do it for the team.
FRANCIS
Nup.
CHARLIE
Do it for your country.
FRANCIS
Fuck that.
CHARLIE
Settle...
CHARLIE
Do it!
FRANCIS
Nup.
CHARLIE
Weve got two options mate. We sit here, we wait for shit to happen or we get out there
and we make it happen.
FRANCIS
Geez you talk some crap.
CHARLIE
True, I talk of dreams, Which are the children of an idle brain,
Begot of nothing but vain fantasy, Which is as thin of substance as the air...
FRANCIS
What?
CHARLIE
Shakespeare.
FRANCIS
Really?
CHARLIE
Year ten. Romeo and Juliet. B plus.

Sam Atwell

23.

FRANCIS
Full of surprises arent ya?
CHARLIE
Yep. Now go and ask her out.
FRANCIS
Yeah?
CHARLIE
Yeah.
FRANCIS
Nah.
CHARLIE walks off leaving FRANCIS to stare at the
imaginary girl.

Sam Atwell

24.

SCENE SEVEN
CHARLIE begins to mime entering their old solarium
business. FRANCIS realises where he is setting up and
again goes along with the game.
CHARLIE
Youre a fucking idiot.
FRANCIS
Why?
CHARLIE
What do you reckon?
FRANCIS
The fact of the matter is its cheaper. Theres no maintenance. Its just a bloody spray
gun with a bit of paint in it.
CHARLIE
Yeah Im hearing ya but its a bit back yard isnt it? I mean every chick whos ever
applied make up can do it...you can buy the stuff at David Jones and do it yourself.
FRANCIS
Yeah sure, but if we get a girl to comes in, do it professionally, hire her a room, get some
kick backs. Were laughing mate.
CHARLIE
What room?
FRANCIS
Well thats the key - we get rid of one of the beds and CHARLIE
Its still not going to...
CHARLIE opens a letter
CHARLIE
Oh youre kidding arent ya?
FRANCIS
What?
CHARLIE
Do I have to check everything do I?
Sam Atwell

25.

FRANCIS
What?
CHARLIE
How do our machines work Frankie?
FRANCIS
Hey?
CHARLIE
Well they dont run on air do they? They dont run on water, theyre not a friggin flux
capacitator, you cant just fill them up with garbage and expect them to click over. They
run on?
FRANCIS stares at CHARLIE
CHARLIE
A disconnection notice. Two months? All you got to fucking do is walk down the
commonwealth, talk to the old biddy behind the counter and giver her the ....
FRANCIS
I will, we will, calm down, we had to pay the Sunjoy people then the fucking rent, the
add in the Herald - I told you that wasCHARLIE
And I told you shit like that takes time to...
FRANCIS
... look its alright I was just waiting for this months takings and then we should be right
... well be fine. Just a bit of juggling
CHARLIE
Juggling?
They both brood silently to themselves as CHARLIE
opens another letter.
CHARLIE
Brilliant! Just Brilliant.
FRANCIS
What.
CHARLIE
Rents gone up
Sam Atwell

26.

FRANCIS
Awesome.

Sam Atwell

27.

SCENE EIGHT
CHARLIE mimes going to a bar and grabbing two beers.
He then walks through the seating banks in an imaginary
stadium where he finds FRANCIS.
CHARLIE
Right...So youve talked to that Bunter bloke?
FRANCIS
Yeah.
CHARLIE
And?
FRANCIS
Seems like a bit of a shifty cunt...
CHARLIE
But packet to be made?
FRANCIS
Yeah.
CHARLIE
Hes alright.
FRANCIS
You reckon?
CHARLIE
Hes done it before.
FRANCIS
Spose.
FRANCIS looks out at the track as the race is about to
start.
FRANCIS
Here they go.
FRANCIS and CHARLIE both watch the race with eager
anticipation. They are both crushed as their dog
obviously loses.
CHARLIE
Seen his wheels?
Sam Atwell

28.

FRANCIS
Yeah.
CHARLIE
Seen his Missus?
FRANCIS
Yeah.
CHARLIE
Think of the sunbeds.
FRANCIS
Yeah.
CHARLIE
So when we both going to meet him?
FRANCIS
Tomoz
CHARLIE
Tomoz?
FRANCIS
Yeah.
CHARLIE
Where?
FRANCIS
Mckenzies?
CHARLIE
Righto. great.
FRANCIS
Yep its fuckin great. His dog bloody hates me, almost bites my head off every time Im
there. I dont want to look like a little, scared, little- yknow, I want to be able to talk to
the bloke.
CHARLIE
Its where to meet.
FRANCIS
Now youre sure? Definite?

Sam Atwell

29.

CHARLIE
Hes done it before.
FRANCIS
Seriously last time I was around there I was bailed up in the kitchen like a ...
CHARLIE
Like a little girl?
FRANCIS
Shut up. Cmon you little mutt.
Another race begins and once again they watch their dog
again only to be sorely dissapointed by the another loss.
FRANCIS turns to CHARLIE holding his up his
imaginary beer.
FRANCIS
Fuck it.
They cheers their beers. Just as the race finishes. Neither
of them have won.
FRANCIS
Fuckin dogs.
CHARLIE walks away to brood.

Sam Atwell

30.

SCENE NINE
FRANCIS begins to softly sing what he thinks is a line
from Cold Chisels Khe Sanh.
FRANCIS
Last trains out of Sydneys almost gone and its almost got me going
CHARLIE
Its last plane out of Sydney. Plane out of Sydney.
CHARLIE
The last Plane out of
Sydneys almost gone
and its almost got me
gong

FRANCIS
The last Plane out of
Sydneys almost gone
and its almost got me
going
They look at each other for a worried beat of searching
for the next words.
CHARLIE

For the black market man

FRANCIS
Theres nothing like the kisses
FRANCIS AND CHARLIE
From someones
Chinese missus
Im going to hit some Hong Kong mattress all night long
FRANCIS
Yeah the last train out of
Sydney

CHARLIE
Yeah the last PLANE out
of sydney
FRANCIS and CHARLIE stare out each other for
confused second till they come together singing in unison.

FRANCIS AND CHARLIE

Yeah the last plane out of Sydneys almost gone
and its really got me worried
Im going nowhere and Im a hurry
Yeah the last plane out of Sydneys almost gone.
FRANCIS
Thank-you, Thank-you. You hear that you Eastern Suburbs Cafe latte drinking Cunts.
Roosters fans were coming to get ya.
Sam Atwell

31.

CHARLIE
Shut up Frankie.
FRANCIS
Were coming to get ya.
CHARLIE
Shut-up.
They both collapse onto the ground.
FRANCIS
Theres got to be somewhere open.
CHARLIE
Its three oclock mate theres nothing.
FRANCIS
Fuck it.
CHARLIE
Couple of months mate, on our way.
FRANCIS
Yep. Its going to be good hey?
CHARLIE
Surf every day.
FRANCIS
Yep.
CHARLIE
All night pubs.
FRANCIS
Yep. Chicks.
CHARLIE
Yeah mate therell be heaps of chicks its the Eastern Suburbs.
FRANCIS
Wall to wall.
FRANCIS sits up and notices two imaginary girls
drunkenly walking down the road.
FRANCIS
Hey Charlie.
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32.

CHARLIE
What.
FRANCIS
Look over the road.
CHARLIE sees the girls.
CHARLIE
Pissed as newts
FRANCIS
Yep.
Suddenly FRANCIS jumps up and runs towards the
imaginary girls.
CHARLIE
Frankie! Oh shit.
FRANCIS reaches the girls and begins to speak to them.
FRANCIS
Hello ladies ... Hows it going? ... Aw dont walk away...come and sit down with us have
a look at the stars ... oh well well look at the fuckin street lights then ...
CHARLIE
Sorry girls hes alright
FRANCIS
Course Im alright. Hey blondie you know whats alright. Youre alright ... thats alright
my pleasure ...
CHARLIE
Frankie
FRANCIS
Please excuse my friend hes a deadset dickhead ... No, no dont go
FRANCIS runs around in front of the girls and gets on his
knees and begins to sing.
FRANCIS
Baby please dont go, baby please dont, baby dont please dont go you know I love
you so, baby please dont go.
The imaginary girls go to walk off and FRANCIS grabs
one of them the hand
Sam Atwell

33.

FRANCIS
Aw come on.
CHARLIE
Frankie let em go.
FRANCIS pulls himself up and the imaginary girl to
closer to him.
FRANCIS
Come on lets have a bit of a dance ... bit of a roll in the hey ... or the grass ... come on
baby
CHARLIE grabs FRANCIS by the shoulder
CHARLIE
Come on mate leave her alone.
FRANCIS
Fuck off Charlie ... (to the other girl) yeah you can piss off darling your friendll be
right... come on just come for a walk ... no its alright ... Im a good boy
CHARLIE tries to pull FRANCIS away
CHARLIE
Mate cmon ...
FRANCIS
Piss off! ... Come on baby ... I dont bite Im a good guy you know ... Im a catch Im
cute ... Am too ... Im funny ... cmon just a little bit of a ...
The girl struggles to pull away as CHARLIE forcefully
grabs FRANCIS pulls him away. He pushes CHARLIE
off him and tries to get up as CHARLIE grabs him again.
FRANCIS
Yeah alright then run away yeah run away. I wasnt trying to ... I was just trying to ... I
just wanted a cuddle ... I just wanted a fucking cuddle ... what? Not good enough for ya?
.. Not hot enough for ya? ... Look at where you are girls ... look around ya?
CHARLIE
Shut up Frankie.
FRANCIS
Come and make me Charlie, come and make me. Try and stop me Charlie. Try and stop
me.
Sam Atwell

34.

FRANCIS begins to chant.

FRANCIS
Charlie! Charlie! Charlie!
CHARLIE
Mate the coppers will be in a second FRANCIS
Bring it on. Come and get me. You know who I am the King of the West. King of the
West. Come and get me ...
CHARLIE jumps up and crash tackles FRANCIS to the
ground.
CHARLIE
Shut -up, just shut-up.
FRANCIS
Dont tell me to shut up. Coppers are going to come? Let em come. Oh thats right
they fiuckin did. Try and stop me? Well you didnt Charlie. You didnt stop me. Why
didnt you stop me? You let me do it. You let me go.
CHARLIE
Mate...calm down, calm...
FRANCIS tackles CHARLIE throwing to the ground. He
then places his hands around CHARLIES neck.
FRANCIS
I hate you...I fuckin hate you!
CHARLIE gasping for air, desperately tries to break
FRANCISS grip and the charade.
CHARLIE
Alright mate...alright...Im sorry. Im sorry. Its me mate. Its me. Were here...were here
now...right here...right now. Frankie...?!
The charade is now broken and they are very much back
in the prison cell.
FRANCIS
Its you...you. Youre the reason were here...you...you! I hate you. Youre just a
stupid...I cant even....
Sam Atwell

35.

CHARLIE
Frankie...let go...let go.
FRANCIS
I hate you...I hate you.
CHARLIE grabs FRANCIS with one last adrenalin rush
of brute strength. He manages to fight him off. Shoving
him off, CHARLIE gets up.
CHARLIE
Fuck Frankie! Fuck. You could've...you almostFRANCIS
I hate you!
CHARLIE
Do you Frankie. Do ya? What is it Frankie...huh? Is it all my fault is it? If I hadnt of
what? If I hadnt of met you...if I hadnt of talked you into buying a stupid shit hole of a
business? If we hadnt gone to kindergarten together? Grown up next door? Drunk ya
folks bicardi till we spewed on ya Mums carpet? Got us all grounded for breaking
Maccas Dads hammer drill? Got us fired from Hungry Jacks? Smashed the corolla...we
worked on for three years. What Frankie? When is it all my fault? When was it just me
that wanted to move from Blackie to buy that bloody two bedroom semi in Bondi? Have
enough dough to ask out that chick in green.
FRANCIS
Turquoise...you said it was turquoise.
CHARLIE
When was that just me? Just me who didnt know the devaluation of fucking sunbeds?
Just me whod never run a business? Just me who didnt want to move back home? Was
it? Was it me that said Nah mate its bloody fool proof now? They were just dumb
kids. Look at us. Were not kids. Nah...Frankie were not. Were just fucking dumb. And
you know what? Were so dumb that we dont even have that anymore. Its stopped,
theyve stopped time on us. We cant even do time. Our time is up. Were not dumb
were not smart, were nothing. Theres nothing in front and no-one cares. No-one cares
that I aced English in grade nine... no-one cares that you saved that bloke on the train that
day...that we beat up that pervert trying to get into Linda Simmons pants. No-one cares
that were not the only ones involved. And you know what else...were not the only
ones. Were not the only guys to ever fuck out...were not the only ones to get caught.
Some people get away with shit...some dont. Apparently thats okay. Law of the
fuckin jungle. Were an example Frankie, a fucking example.
They stare at each other for a long moment.
Sam Atwell

36.

CHARLIE
Give me the phone.
FRANCIS
What?
CHARLIE
Give me the phone.
FRANCIS
Im over it mate, youre right its over.
CHARLIE goes and picks up an imaginary phone and
dials, he waits for an answer.
CHARLIE
Oh...yeah...Gday Len...Macca there?...Yeah cheers.
CHARLIE waits for a moment.
CHARLIE
Yeah...Gday Macca. Look mate, weve been having a bit of a think and ah...I reckon we
want out... Nah mate, Im not... No its not... I dont care mate, Ill pay for the bloody
plane tickets... Youre not bloody listening to me were not bloody doing it... It doesnt
matter what I said alright...No, I dont care who they think they are...
FRANCIS gets up and grabs the phone off CHARLIE.
FRANCIS
Right! You listen to me cunt. You tell your junkie scum bag mate ,that if they want to
come and get us, they better bring a bloody big army, cos well be ready to rip their
bloody arms off if they come anywhere near us or anyone we know. Tell them they can
stick their plans up the arses they call for brains, or dont Macca. Maybe just dont,
maybe be a man and side with your mates for once. Or not...I forgot youre a weak,
stupid piece off...you havent got that in ya have you? Youre bloody hopeless Macca,
youre bloody hopeless.
FRANCIS slams down the phone.
CHARLIE
Well put.
FRANCIS
Yeah.

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37.

CHARLIE
What you wanna do?
FRANCIS
Go home?
FRANCIS suddenly re-adopts his drunken stance and
looks to CHARLIE who does the same.
CHARLIE
Yeah, why not. Got any beers?
FRANCIS
Yeah Daryls always got a couple in the shed fridge. Well knick them.
CHARLIE
Great.
As the guys walk off the noise of a large door is heard
and a doorway at the back of the stage is filled with light.
END OF ACT ONE.

Sam Atwell

38.

ACT TWO
SCENE ONE
Its dawn. The door at the back of the stage is now closed
and MACCA stands in front of it with CHARLIE and
FRANCIS staring at him.
CHARLIE
Macca.
FRANCIS
Fucking Macca. Look at you.
CHARLIE
Long time no see. Where you been?
Silence.
FRANCIS
Where ya been?
MACCA
Ah...did a bit of shopping , drank a bit of my duty free, had a great night the other
night...met this hot chick...geez...didnt we get smashed. Went and had a look at some of
those temples the other day. Was good felt a bit cultural. Where the hell do you think Ive
bloody been?
CHARLIE
Tell us about the beach Macca.
MACCA
What?
FRANCIS
Tell us about the beach.
MACCA
What fucking beach?
`FRANCIS and CHARLIE both grab MACCA and pin him
to the ground. They fold his arms behind his back as if
they are going to break them.
FRANCIS
Tell us about the beach...

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39.

CHARLIE
Cmon Macca...
FRANCIS
Macca?
CHARLIE
Just tell us about when we were at the beach.
MACCA
What beach?
CHARLIE
Tell us. The day after we arrived. The day the shit went down.
MACCA
You know whatFRANCIS
Tell us.
MACCA
I fuckin...I woke up I was hung over...
CHARLIE
Then what you do?
MACCA
We met up.
CHARLIE
Where?
FRANCIS and CHARLIE push MACCAS arm further up
his back. He screams in pain.
MACCA
Hard rock fucking cafe.
CHARLIE
Keep going.
MACCA
Can you let go of...
CHARLIE
Nah.

Sam Atwell

40.

MACCA
Alright I woke up...I got out of bed...it was hot...bloody hot. Ah, then I walked...my arm!
CHARLIE
Keep going.
MACCA
I walked down to breakfast.
FRANCIS
What you have?
MACCA
I dont know. I met up with yous, we called a cab, met that Ruby chick and we got the
stuff...
CHARLIE
Yeah.
MACCA
Fuck!
CHARLIE
What?
MACCA
My arm!
CHARLIE
Keep going.
MACCA
Alright we picked up the stuff, got another cab, we went back to the hotel and CHARLIE
Cmon Macca bit more descriptive mate. Youve missed out heaps of stuff. Lets start
again. Our hotel room. Tell us about the bed, the room, what colour were the walls? Was
the bed comfortable? What was the print on the wall? Your not going get very far in here
if you just bullet point everything.
FRANCIS starts to giggle.
CHARLIE
What?
FRANCIS
Bullet point everything.
Sam Atwell

41.

CHARLIE
What? Oh shit, I didnt even...
CHARLIE starts to laugh and it becomes infectious.
Feeding off each other they begin to laugh harder and
harder unable to stop. As their hysteria builds, they let go
of MACCA.
FRANCIS
Bullet point.
CHARLIE
Seriously, I was serious. I didnt...
FRANCIS
Serious! Yeah, yeah, yeah. Its fucking serious alright.
CHARLIE
Deadly fucking serious.
FRANCIS
Its a grave situation.
CHARLIE
Stop it, stop it.
FRANCIS
Why? You think you might die laughing?
CHARLIE
Yeah...mate yeah.
FRANCIS
Its alright mate, cos theres deaths door.
CHARLIE
Oh...I cant breathe...I cant breathe.
FRANCIS
You wont have to for much longer.
MACCA unsure what to do proffers his own joke.
MACCA
You guys kill me.
FRANCIS and CHARLIE stare at each other then as if
seeing an old friend leap on MACCA.
Sam Atwell

42.

FRANCIS AND CHARLIE

Macca!
FRANCIS
You funny bastard.
MACCA
Im laughing my guts out.
FRANCIS
Youre off your head.
CHARLIE
Needed a laugh like a shot in the arm.
MACCA
A hole in the head.
CHARLIE
Were livin on a prayer
MACCA
Were half way there.
FRANCIS
Youre blowing me away.
CHARLIE
Fire up Frankie, Fire up!
The guys continue in hysterics. The laughter slowly
drains out of them as they are faced with their actual
reality.

Sam Atwell

43.

SCENE TWO
The loud sound of knocking echoes through the cell
FRANCIS, CHARLIE and MACCA grab their bowls and
are delivered some sort of porridge mixture through the
door. They sit around eating it.
FRANCIS
What you got Macca?
A moments silence.
CHARLIE
Macca?
MACCA
Same as you.
CHARLIE
Macca.
MACCA
What?
CHARLIE
Tell us what you got.
A long menacing pause.
MACCA
Roast chook?
CHARLIE
Yeah?
MACCA
Yeah.
FRANCIS
Macca.
MACCA
What?
FRANCIS
What kind?
MACCA
Mums.
Sam Atwell

44.

FRANCIS
What else?
MACCA
Roast pumpkin, peas, broc and collie with white sauce and cheese.
FRANCIS
Spuds?
MACCA
Smashed.
CHARLIE
What?
MACCA
Smashed potato. You boil your potatoes but take them off while there still a bit hard,
then ya smash them up a bit. Not totally mashed though, then you just chuck heaps of
butter on and throw them in the oven.
FRANCIS
On a tray?
MACCA
Yep. You can chuck garlic on there, chilli,whatever you want.
FRANCIS
Never tried it.
CHARLIE
Me either.
FRANCIS
Charlie?
CHARLIE
Classic Hawaiian mate.
FRANCIS
Dominos?
CHARLIE
You know it. You?
FRANCIS
Chops and salad. Watching my weight.
CHARLIE and MACCA look at him.
Sam Atwell

45.

FRANCIS
I like salad.

Sam Atwell

46.

SCENE THREE
CHARLIE begins to slowly sing the first few lines of a
childrens song.
CHARLIE
This is a song that never ends it just goes on and on my friend some people started
singing it not knowing what it was...
CHARLIE he puts down his bowl and moves over taking
up position as the driver of an imaginary car. FRANCIS
realises the game and joins in with the song. FRANCIS
stands up and adopts the character of STEPHIE and
makes her way into the car. They drive along as if on a
family holiday.
CHARLIE AND FRANCIS
This is a song that never ends it just goes on and on my friend some people started
singing it not knowing what it was theyll be singing it forever just because this is song
that never ends it just goes on and on my friend some people started singingMACCA sits dumbfounded at the actions of his two
friends.
MACCA
Im doing a piss.
CHARLIE
What?
MACCA
I gotta piss.
FRANCIS (AS STEPHIE)
Dont speak to your father like that.
MACCA
What?
FRANCIS
Keep that seat-belt done up nice and tight, you know how your Father drives.
MACCA
What?

Sam Atwell

47.

FRANCIS
Not what. Pardon Benji. Pardon me. Now if you want to ask your Father something
use your manners.
MACCA cottons on to the game.
MACCA (AS BENJI)
Dad can we please stop I have to...I gotta go to the toilet
FRANCIS (AS STEPHIE)
Much better. Can you pull over love?
CHARLIE
Stephie theres a bloody guard rail does it look like I can pull over at the moment?
FRANCIS (AS STEPHIE)
Alright cranky pants.
CHARLIE
Can you hang on a bit mate?
MACCA (AS BENJI)
Sure.
CHARLIE
Sorry mate?
MACCA (AS BENJI)
Yes Dad.
CHARLIE
Good man.
FRANCIS (AS STEPHIE)
You know what Im going to do when we get there?
CHARLIE
Have a swim in the pool?
FRANCIS (AS STEPHIE)
Nup.
CHARLIE
Have a sauna?
FRANCIS (AS STEPHIE)
I think... Im just going to unpack, then pour myself a glass of wine, sit on the balcony,
watch the surf and read my Danielle Steele for awhile.
Sam Atwell

48.

CHARLIE
Well watch the cricket hey Benji?
MACCA
Yeah.
CHARLIE
Then Mum and I might have to have a little afternoon snooze hey.
CHARLIE leans over and rubs FRANCIS leg. MACCA
sees this and jumps up.
MACCA
Oh youre fucking kidding arent ya?
CHARLIE
What the hell are you doing?
CHARLIE mimes pulling the car to a quick stop and gets
out as does FRANCIS.
CHARLIE
What the hell do you think your doing? Get back in the car.
MACCA
What is this? What are you...What do you fucking want me to do? Im not doing
this...Im not playing your stupid...
FRANCIS (AS STEPHIE)
You listen here young man.
MACCA
No...no..no. There is no young man...This never even happened...you never had a son ....
CHARLIE
Shut your mouth before I bloody take to it, with a cake of soap.
MACCA
No. Im not sitting here for the rest my pitiful bloody life and playing your bullshitSpose the two of you root and everything now. Do you? You weak mother fuckers
How could you let yourselves CHARLIE
How dare you. How bloody dare you talk like that in front of your Mother. Is that the
way Ive brought you up? Is that the kind of man Im raising you to be? Imagine if your
grand-pa heard that hey do you think hed be impressed? Do you think Im impressed?
Ive got a good mind to turn this car around right now and cancel this whole bloody trip.
Ill do it. Ive been to Coffs Harbour plenty of times!
Sam Atwell

49.

MACCA
Theres no car. Theres no road. Theres no-where. Theres nothing. Your nothing. Youll
never be nothing. Listen to yourselves you sit around whinging about fucking sunbeds
Oh it didnt work cos of spray tan. Spray tan. Were from Blacktown. Who needs a
fucking tan there? What, bronze up and go sit at the servo? Go to a Doggies game looking
all hot and shit? Stop ya winging. Stop your bullshit games. Take it like a men. Youre a
freak Charlie. You and Frankie - youre both weak as piss...
CHARLIE
Were all you bloody got. You dont get to choose youre parents.
MACCA
Stop it. Just stop it. I hate this. I hate you. I just want them to hurry up and...
CHARLIE looks MACCA dead in the eyes.
CHARLIE
You say that again. You look me in the eyes and you tell me that you hate me...you look
me in the eyes and you tell me that you hate me Mackenzie...you hate me and I will snap
your neck. Right now. Or you can apologise and get back in that fucking car.
They stare at each other.
MACCA
Sorry.
CHARLIE
Mean it Macca.
MACCA
Im sorry.
CHARLIE
Mean it.
MACCA
Sorry.
Silence
MACCA
Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry that I fucked up, Im sorry were here and Im sorry that
were...that were...I just wanted to...I fucked up, I fucked up really bad. Shit. Why hey?
Why didnt I just...Why didnt I just clean my fucking...Why was I such a messy, stupid
bloody...
CHARLIE
Its okay.
Sam Atwell

50.

MACCA
No its not. Its not bloody OK its so far from being okay. If I just hadnt...If I just had
of...Mum would always say Clean your room Peter. Peter Aaron McKenzie if I get
home this afternoon and your room is in that state Ill wallop you so hard you wont be
able to sit down till Christmas. I dont know how you sleep in there you cant even see
the floor I dont know how you find anything in there. Anything could be under all this
rubbish Someone could fall down and die in here and you wouldn't even know it.
Guess what? Someone bloody did.
CHARLIE
Calm down.
MACCA
Calm? Im calm mate, Im cool as a cucumber Im ice, Im ice cold, Im the ice man, calm
down? You bloody calm down. If I hadnt ofFrancis grabs Macca hard and pulls him close to him.
FRANCIS
Shut-up. Just shut up.
MACCA
Im sorry. Im sorry.
FRANCIS
We all...Were all here. Now get back in the car. And apologise to your father.
FRANCIS returns to the car with CHARLIE driving. They
softly start up the song again. MACCA also returns to the
car and sits in the back seat.
CHARLIE AND FRANCIS
This is a song that never ends it just goes on and on my friend some people started
singing it not knowing what it was theyll be singing it forever just because this is song
that never ends it just goes on and on my friend some people started singing .....

Sam Atwell

51.

SCENE FOUR
MACCA rests his hand on FRANCIS shoulder gently
laying him down on the floor.
MACCA
Youll be alright Mum yeah?
FRANCIS makes the realisation that he is meant to adopt
the character of MACCAS mum.
FRANCIS (AS MACCAS MUM)
Yeah darl.
MACCA
Ill see you soon.
FRANCIS (AS MACCAS MUM)
Im not going anywhere.
MACCA
Love ya.
FRANCIS (AS MACCAS MUM)
Righto.
MACCA
See ya soon sis.
CHARLIE makes the realisation that he is to play
MACCAS SISTER.
CHARLIE (AS MACCAS SISTER)
See ya.
MACCA walks out of the room. CHARLIE waits a beat
then follows.
CHARLIE (AS MACCAS SISTER)
Back in a tic Mum.
CHARLIE (AS MACCAS SISTER) runs out of the
hospital room following MACCA into the corridor.
CHARLIE (AS MACCAS
SISTER)(CONT.)
Oi!
Sam Atwell

52.

MACCA
What?
CHARLIE (AS MACCAS SISTER)
What you doing?
MACCA
I gotta go down the gong.
CHARLIE (AS MACCAS SISTER)
What for?
MACCA
For work.
CHARLIE (AS MACCAS SISTER)
Bullshit.
MACCA
Nah its not.
CHARLIE (AS MACCAS SISTER)
I spoke to Trish the other night, she said Steves got you tiling over at North Sydney for
the next couple of months.
MACCA
It just came up.
CHARLIE (AS MACCAS SISTER)
You want me to ring her?
MACCA
Piss off.
CHARLIE (AS MACCAS SISTER)
If youre going surfing with the boys? You know I cant be here all the time. Or are you
going to pitch in to pay my baby-sitter?
MACCA
Give us a break Trudes.
CHARLIE (AS MACCAS SISTER)
Oh yeah alright Pete, yeah sure, yeah you obviously need a break go on. Hey, why dont
you take Bryce and Crystal with you? Theyd love to go to the beach with Uncle Macca.
Ill just stay here and carry on with my little life of luxury.
MACCA
Its work.
Sam Atwell

53.

CHARLIE (AS MACCAS SISTER)

Sure.
MACCA
It is...alright, Jesus. Its not work with Steve alright. Got a job on my own, didnt want
him to know, so dont tell Trish. Its a big bloody bathroom and a kitchen. Its cash, the
guys loaded so its good.
CHARLIE (AS MACCAS SISTER)
If youre shitting me...
MACCA
I told Steve I had to look after Mum and stuff, so if Trish or him come up here, just... I
dont know, tell them Im doing other stuff. At home, Im at home.
Pause
CHARLIE (AS MACCAS SISTER)
Who put you onto to it?
MACCA
One of the other blokes from work.
CHARLIE (AS MACCAS SISTER)
If you come back with a wettie tan, Ill kick your arse so hard.
MACCA
Yeah, yeah. Alright see ya.
CHARLIE (AS MACCAS SISTER)
Yeah you too.

Sam Atwell

54.

SCENE FIVE
CHARLIE returns to playing himself as MACCA,staring
at them, dials a number on a imaginary phone.
MACCA (AS MACCAS SISTER)
Yeah hi, listen my names Trudy Mackenzie and Im ringing cos Im worried about my
brother... Im not sure. Its just... I was just looking through his room and ... I found this
flight itinerary... Hes due to fly out of the country .... today... and...Im just worried hes
going to do something...hes been in some trouble before and...Can you stop him?...You
have to stop him.

Sam Atwell

55.

SCENE SIX
CHARLIE notices FRANCIS rocking back and forth,
obviously distressed. He walks over to MACCA takes his
hand and stands him up and using MACCAs green
sarong he dresses him.
CHARLIE
And does Madam have a booking tonight?
MACCA
What?
CHARLIE
Will anyone be joining you or is it dinner for one?
MACCA
Ah no actually Im meeting a Francis....Francis Ryan.
CHARLIE
Right this way.
CHARLIE takes MACCA (AS THE GIRL IN GREEN)
to FRANCIS
CHARLIE
Mr Ryan.
FRANCIS looks up.
MACCA (AS THE GIRL IN GREEN)
Hi Francis.
FRANCIS
Hi.
MACCA (AS THE GIRL IN GREEN)
Ive just been waiting outside.
FRANCIS
Have you?
MACCA (AS THE GIRL IN GREEN)
Yes I wasnt sure if you had booked so I...Youve been waiting in here?

Sam Atwell

56.

FRANCIS
Yeah...yes...yes, Ive been waiting here for....Doesnt matter. Im an idiot, I
shouldve....Im so Sorry.
MACCA (AS THE GIRL IN GREEN)
Dont be.
FRANCIS
I am.
MACCA (AS THE GIRL IN GREEN)
Honestly, its fine.
FRANCIS
Okay.
CHARLIE (AS THE WAITER) leans down and whispers
something in FRANCIS ear. FRANCIS jumps up.
FRANCIS
Please have a seat, sorry, Im an idiot, not very good at.... Shit.
MACCA (AS THE GIRL IN GREEN
No I shouldve just... doesnt matter....were here now.
FRANCIS sits MACCA down and then sits himself. As the
waiter puts their napkins in their laps.
FRANCIS
Thanks mate.
CHARLIE (AS THE WAITER)
Can I get you anything to drink?
FRANCIS
Yeah, do you want wine or...
MACCA (AS THE GIRL IN GREEN)
Wines good.
FRANCIS
Red? White?
MACCA (AS THE GIRL IN GREEN)
Whites good.
FRANCIS
Two white wines, thanks mate.
Sam Atwell

57.

CHARLIE (AS THE WAITER)

Certainly. We have a number of different variates of FRANCIS
Chardonnay?
MACCA (AS THE GIRL IN GREEN)
Sure.
CHARLIE (AS THE WAITER)
We have a number of different FRANCIS
Just give us one from around the hunter, thanks mate.
CHARLIE (AS THE WAITER)
Certainly.
CHARLIE moves off.
FRANCIS
Harder than ordering a beer isnt it? Spose, you got your different types of beer too. You
ever been here before?
MACCA (AS THE GIRL IN GREEN)
No, wanted to though.
FRANCIS
Me too.
MACCA (AS THE GIRL IN GREEN)
Its nice.
FRANCIS
Yeah, its really nice. Hope the foods good.
MACCA (AS THE GIRL IN GREEN)
Looks good.
FRANCIS
Yeah. Starving actually.
MACCA (AS THE GIRL IN GREEN)
Yeah, Im a bit peckish.
FRANCIS
Good. So you been a member of the gym long?

Sam Atwell

58.

MACCA (AS THE GIRL IN GREEN)

Just a couple of months.
FRANCIS
Cool. Ive been going there since I was sixteen. For footy and stuff.
MACCA (AS THE GIRL IN GREEN)
You play football?
FRANCIS
Yeah. Rugby League. Just for a club. Nothing too serious. You like league?
MACCA (AS THE GIRL IN GREEN)
Yeah grew up watching it with Dad and my brothers.
FRANCIS
You got brothers?
MACCA (AS THE GIRL IN GREEN)
Yeah two and a sister.
FRANCIS
I got two sisters and a brother.
CHARLIE comes back and pours a little wine in
FRANCISS glass. FRANCIS stares at him.
MACCA (AS THE GIRL IN GREEN)
Think he wants you to taste it.
FRANCIS
Why?
MACCA (AS THE GIRL IN GREEN)
To see if its alright.
FRANCIS
Right.
FRANCIS tastes the wine
FRANCIS
Its good mate.
CHARLIE pours the rest of the wine.
CHARLIE (AS THE WAITER)
Now can I get you anything to start with?
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59.

FRANCIS
Havent even had a chance to look. We might need a couple minutes yeah?
MACCA (AS THE GIRL IN GREEN)
Yeah.
CHARLIE moves off.
FRANCIS
Sorry about that.
MACCA (AS THE GIRL IN GREEN)
What?
FRANCIS
With the wine. Ive never had to do that before.
MACCA (AS THE GIRL IN GREEN)
Thats alright dont worry about it. Pretty stupid anyway as if you going to send it back.
FRANCIS
Yeah. I wouldnt know if it was off.
MACCA (AS THE GIRL IN GREEN)
Me either.
FRANCIS
You look really nice tonight.
MACCA (AS THE GIRL IN GREEN)
Thanks. So do you.
FRANCIS
This old thing? Thanks for coming out tonight.
MACCA (AS THE GIRL IN GREEN)
Thanks for asking.
FRANCIS
No worries. Ive just seen you in the gym a few times and...not that Ive been perving on
you...I wasnt even going to ask you out but then my mate told me I should... I mean not
that I didnt want to ask you out...
MACCA (AS THE GIRL IN GREEN)
Francis?
FRANCIS
Yeah?
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60.

MACCA (AS THE GIRL IN GREEN)

Im glad you finally did.
FRANCIS
You can call me Frankie if you want, only my Mum calls me Francis
MACCA (AS THE GIRL IN GREEN)
I like it.
FRANCIS
Okay.
FRANICIS and CHARLIE share an awkward beat not
knowing where to take the game.
CHARLIE
Get a room you two.
The boys all laugh it off and prepare for sleep.

Sam Atwell

61.

SCENE SEVEN
The trio lie awake in their separate sleeping positions.
CHARLIE addresses MACCA.
CHARLIE
So thats it then?
MACCA
Yep.
CHARLIE
Your lawyer write to the president?
MACCA
Yep.
CHARLIE
Did you hear back?
MACCA
Yeah. No go. Dont think he likes drugs much.
CHARLIE
Theyre not coming to get us are they?
MACCA
Someone will.
CHARLIE
Yeah
MACCA
Mum died.
CHARLIE
I know. Sorry.
MACCA
Night.
CHARLIE
Yep.
Silence

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62.

CHARLIE
So theres this bloke right, hes 75, fair innings, but his worked hard like six days a week
his whole life, put the kids through school made sure the wife was happy, only just
retired cos he wanted to help out with this grand-kids too. Hardly ever bought anything
for himself. On his retirement though he thought bugger this and went and shouted
himself a nice car, a flash new suit, even got himself a funky little toupee and got his teeth
whitened. The whole business: face-lift, tummy reduction. Anyway, so feeling like a
million bucks he thinks to himself Im going to go for a bit of a spin around town show
myself off a bit. So he gets in his new car and a couple of clicks down the road Bam he
gets smashed by a semi and dies. He gets up to heaven meets God and he says to him Oi
listen mate whats the go here? Ive been a good bloke all my life and suddenly when I
shout myself a couple of things I get knocked off. And God turns to him and says Yeah
sorry about that mate, to tell you the truth I didnt recognise ya.
CHARLIE laughs until the pain of his predicament seeps
back in.

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63.

SCENE EIGHT
MACCA and CHARLIE are trying to sleep. FRANCIS sits
facing away from them as he softly sings the words to
Amazing grace to the tune of Advance Australia Fair. As
he sings he begins to cut into his wrists with a toothbrush
he has sharpened to a point.
FRANCIS
Amazing Grace how sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost but now Im found
Was Blind but now I See...
T'was Grace that taught...
my heart to fear. And Grace, my fears relieved.
How precious did that Grace appear...
the hour I first believed.
Through many dangers, toils and snares...
we have already come.
T'was Grace that brought us safe thus far...
and Grace will lead us home.
FRANCIS wrists are cut and dripping blood. He lets his
wrists bleed as he stands up. CHARLIE stirs and notices
what FRANCIS has done. FRANICS walks to the door of
the cell and collapses. CHARLIE catches him and holds
him in his arms. MACCA wakes up and together they let
FRANCIS pass away.
CHARLIE
Before I lay me down to sleep
I pray the Lord my soul to keep
If I die before I wake
I pray the lord my soul to take
Amen.
Blackout.

Sam Atwell

64.

SCENE NINE
As the day breaks MACCA and CHARLIE find their way
around an imaginary golf course with MACCA about to
putt. He reads the green and practices his shot. FRANCIS
is no longer on stage.
CHARLIE
Just hurry up and putt.
MACCA
Shut up.
CHARLIE
Its Parramatta Macca, not Augusta.
MACCA
Its not my fault if you cant chip mate.
CHARLIE
I just need some decent clubs.
MACCA
Well get some.
CHARLIE
With what?
MACCA
I dunno...get them off ebay.
CHARLIE
They got them on there?
MACCA
Yeah got everything. Pick up a good set, cheap.
CHARLIE
Never used it.
MACCA
Its good.
CHARLIE
Just putt.
MACCA
Well shut up then.
Sam Atwell

65.

MACCA putts and misses.

MACCA
Fuck! I knew it, I knew. I said to myself dont go too right, its sloping left but not too
much. What to I do? I bloody go too far right. Shit.
CHARLIE
Calm down. Take your shot.
MACCA
Sorry Charlie I know Frankie was better at doin this then me.
CHARLIE
It takes time.
MACCA
Shut-up.
CHARLIE
Did you give him call?
They look at each other for a tense moment.
MACCA
Yeah.
CHARLIE
Is he coming down.
MACCA
He said hed meet us on the 19th.
CHARLIE
Thatd be right.
MACCA
Theres a man who cant swing a club.
CHARLIE
How many balls he lose at Penrith that day?
MACCA
About sixteen?
CHARLIE
Only played nine.
MACCA
Wrapped that seven iron around the gum tree?
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66.

CHARLIE
And hed hired them. Howd he go again?
MACCA pretends to be FRANCIS
MACCA (AS FRANCIS)
Might just pop that one back in the bag, hey?
CHARLIE
Honestly Frankie, I dont think Golfs your game mate
MACCA (AS FRANCIS)
Fuck off Charlie. Look at Macca up there thinks hes bloody tiger woods or something
standing there waiting for us like a prize poofter. Whos the captain on Saturday Macca?
CHARLIE
Hey Frankie
MACCA (AS FRANCIS)
What?
CHARLIE
Can I ask you something?
MACCA (AS FRANCIS)
Yeah alright.
CHARLIE
What did you say to your Mum and Daryl when they came to visit?
MACCA (AS FRANCIS)
Shit Charlie.
CHARLIE
Yeah sorry dont worry about it.
MACCA
I just...
CHARLIE
Yeah, nah, its sweet. Too hard.
MACCA (AS FRANCIS)
I told Daryl to keep fixing up the Charger. Maybe give it to little Stevie when its done. I
told Mum to keep up with her roses...she grows them good. Im going to piss off up the
club house. Ill grab the first round.

Sam Atwell

67.

CHARLIE
No worries mate.
MACCA (as FRANCIS) walks off then turns back.
MACCA (AS FRANCIS)
Hey Charlie.
CHARLIE
Yeah?
MACCA (AS FRANCIS)
Youre a good cunt.
MACCA (AS FRANCIS) walks away and returns as
himself.
MACCA
Alright, bit of shush hey?
CHARLIE
Alright Tiger.
MACCA sinks his putt.
CHARLIE
Finally.
MACCA
Should have been a birdie.
CHARLIE
Should we grab a beer while were close?
MACCA
Fuck that lets finish the game.
CHARLIE
Yeah alright.
Suddenly the door is flung open.

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68.

SCENE TEN
At the base of the door sits a Dominos Hawain pizza and
a bottle of coke. CHARLIE takes the food, sits down and
begins to eat it.
MACCA
Hows the Petey?
CHARLIE
You want a piece?
MACCA picks up an imaginary piece of sushi.
MACCA
Nah mate, shes right. This sushis awesome.
CHARLIE
I dunno how you eat that crap.
MACCA
You ever tried it?
CHARLIE
Nup
MACCA
Why not?
CHARLIE
Its raw.
MACCA
Live a little mate.
CHARLIE
Its not natural. You want some coke?
MACCA
Nah shes right.
CHARLIE
Go on.
MACCA
Nah, youre right mate.
CHARLIE
Have some.
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69.

MACCA
Alright.
Macca takes a swig.
MACCA
Fuck... thats good.
CHARLIE
Nectar of the Gods. Planss tonight?
MACCA
Dunno.
CHARLIE
Quiet one?
MACCA
Probably. You?
CHARLIE
Might go out for a bit. Come down the pub?
MACCA
Pretty lazy.
CHARLIE
DVD and a bottle of wine?
MACCA
Bit of goon and coon ya reckon?
CHARLIE
Dont forget the salami stuff.
MACCA
Cabanosi.
CHARLIE
Fancy.
MACCA
You pick a few things up.
CHARLIE
Being a dish-pig?
MACCA
Tafe too.
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70.

CHARLIE
Next Jamie Oliver?
MACCA
Peter Russel Clarke.
CHARLIE
Come and get it.
MACCA
Come and get it.
CHARLIE AND MACCA
With Peter...Gday...Russel...Gday...Clarke.
MACCA
He still alive?
CHARLIE
Dunno.
The door at the back of the stage opens.
CHARLIE (CONT'D)
Ah, well cant sit around jibber jabbing all day.
MACCA
Alright, off ya pop then.
CHARLIE
Yep. Catch ya soon.
MACCA
Yeah...see ya. Do you reckon you could pick up a case?
CHARLIE
What flavour?
MACCA
Surprise me. Something Aussie though. That bloody Belgium stuff does my head in.
CHARLIE
Only got it cos it was cheap.
MACCA
Happy to pay to feel better tomoz.
CHARLIE
Fosters?
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71.

MACCA
Get fucked.
CHARLIE
Alright then.
MACCA
Alright.
CHARLIE
Mum said she might call so...just tell Ill call her back hey?
MACCA
Sure.
CHARLIE
And if Stephie calls tell her...tell her Ill meet her at the boat shed.
MACCA
What boat shed?
CHARLIE
The one we sat in that day at the beach.
MACCA
What beach?
CHARLIE
Shell know.
MACCA
Fair enough. Piss off then.
CHARLIE
Righto. Do you reckon you might get up off your arse and do a bit of cleaning or
something? Defrost the freezer. Think theres a half a cow behind that ice.
MACCA
You want me to iron your shirts as well?
CHARLIE
Thatd be good.
MACCA
Quick blowie while Im at it.
CHARLIE
Nah, Im right thanks mate
Sam Atwell

72.

MACCA
Fair enough.
CHARLIE
Catch ya.
MACCA
Yeah see ya.
CHARLIE walks out the door and it closes behind him.
left alone MACCA walks over to the pizza and coke,
Charlie has left a some for him. He sits down and
attempts to finishes it off but cant. MACCA makes a
makeshift grave out of the coke and pizza box. Eventually
he gets up and takes the hand of an imaginary Stephie.
MACCA (AS CHARLIE)
Hey watch ya foot there Stephie.
MACCA (AS STEPHIE)
I can balance Charlie.
MACCA (AS CHARLIE)
I dont want ya to fall over on the rocks and skin your knee.
MACCA (AS STEPHIE)
You just dont want to carry me back up the hill to the car.
MACCA (AS CHARLIE)
Damn straight. See them? Those old sheds.
MACCA points to a row of imaginary boat sheds.
MACCA (AS STEPHIE)
Cute. Ah sand. Surely theres an easier way to get down here?
MACCA (AS CHARLIE)
You mean like that track over there?
MACCA (AS STEPHIE)
You idiot.
MACCA (AS CHARLIE)
Lovable though.
MACCA (AS STEPHIE)
Hey hang on.
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73.

MACCA (AS CHARLIE)

What?
MACCA (AS STEPHIE)
Just pulling the tickets off ya...
MACCA (AS CHARLIE)
Hey?
MACCA (AS STEPHIE)
The ones you got on yourself...
MACCA (AS CHARLIE)
Oh your so funny...
MACCA (AS STEPHIE)
Yep.
MACCA (AS CHARLIE)
Look there. Ones open.
MACCA (AS STEPHIE)
We cant just sit in there?
MACCA (AS CHARLIE)
Yeah we can.
MACCA (AS STEPHIE)
Someone must own it. What if they come back and crack the shits?
MACCA (AS CHARLIE)
I think some of them are abandoned, were not going to do anything just sit.
MACCA (AS STEPHIE)
Why again?
MACCA (AS CHARLIE)
Trust me.
MACCA (AS STEPHIE)
Famous last words.
MACCA (AS CHARLIE)
Alright come on in, sit down.
MACCA (AS STEPHIE)
Uh huh.

Sam Atwell

74.

MACCA (AS CHARLIE)

Watch.
MACCA (AS STEPHIE)
Its a beach.
MACCA (AS CHARLIE)
Wait Stephie, wait.
MACCA (AS STEPHIE)
For what?
MACCA (AS CHARLIE)
Imagine this is a TV screen, like these are the edges of the TV, Like were in a cinema.
MACCA (AS STEPHIE)
Okay.
MACCA gets up and peers around the wall of the
imaginary boat shed.
MACCA (AS CHARLIE)
Okay...okay someone's coming. Sit, watch...
MACCA sits and watches and imaginary person walk by
and he begins to giggle.
MACCA (AS CHARLIE)
See...its like watching someone walk across a TV screen , you can just sit here all day
and watch people walk past. Its like watching movies, you sit here and you just imagine
who they are. We can do the dialogue you know like a voice over. You make up their
thoughts. Heres another guy. Oh yes here I am walking along the beach just minding my
own business, oh maybe Ill go to the pub later and play the pokies, hopefully win some
money, then I might go home and watch the Dragons get beaten by the eels. Maybe cook
myself a bit of steak and- And then his gone, cant see him anymore just walked across
the screen.
MACCA (AS STEPHIE)
Charlie?
MACCA (AS CHARLIE)
What?
MACCA (AS STEPHIE)
I love you.

Sam Atwell

75.

MACCA (AS CHARLIE)

You too.
THE END

Sam Atwell