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Flirting HT
Styles
Styles
ISBN-13: 978-0-373-89273-0
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and TM are trademarks owned and used by the trademark
owner and/or its licensee. Trademarks indicated with are X
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www.eHarlequin.com
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Printed in U.S.A. X
za-
X INTRODUCTION: A MISSED OPPORTUNITY
c-
er X CHAPTER 1: THE FLIRTING STYLES
ce, X EPILOGUE
X NOTES
X REFERENCES
X ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
A MISSED
OPPORTUNITY FMH
drink order, she leaned in to talk in his ear, and they were soon walk
hitting it off like old friends. This was going to be a good night. cer a
The same night, Spencer was getting ready to go out with S
his friends. For the first time in months, they had convinced to K
him to go out to try to meet someone newor so they thought. aske
Spencer hated bars, clubs, basically the whole singles scene. exce
Despite what everyone said, he never found it a good way to a litt
meet women. He always found himself in a corner with an an- the
noyed look on his face, watching other guys aggressively (and ama
successfully) hit on girls. All of his girl friends told him how to c
much they hate pushy guys, but once they were actually at dow
the bar, the ladies seemed to love it. Despite what his friends wno
thought, they hadnt convinced Spencer to finally get out and said
meet someone. There was only one reason that he was going ly di
outto see Kelsey. walk
But, he didnt come up to the bar, he went straight to an emp-
ty booth with his friends. Kelsey thought, Whats his problem?
Ch
I dont get it, why is Kelsey talking to that guy?Spencer
thought. I swear she smiled at me when I walked in, but now The
shes hitting on someone else. Im not going to compete with time
that. He settled down at a booth with his friends and joined trea
the conversation, trying not to let his disappointment show. girl,
My drinks gone, and this guy is a tool. Im going to go later
see what Spencer is doing, Kelsey thought. She found him in like J
a booth with his friends. She came up behind him and playfully one
asked, Hey Spence! Planning to ignore me again? Spencer his g
looked startled and a little embarrassed. But, he moved over reall
right away to make room for her beside him and he introduced D
her to his friends. Recognizing Spencers interest, his friends you
soon walked to the bar to get another round of beers, leaving Spen-
ight. cer and Kelsey alone.
with Spencer knew this was his chance. So, he started talking
nced to Kelsey. He asked her about Justin and if she was OK. He
ught. asked her about work and what she had been up to. He was
ene. exceedingly polite, but frustrated too. Kelsey seemed to be
ay to a little bored and kept looking around the bar as if this wasnt
n an- the place for having that sort of conversation. She looked
(and amazing, but he though better of saying sohe didnt want
how to come off as just another jerk. As the conversation wore
y at down, she said, I need to check in with my friends over there,
ends wnodding to the other section of the bar. Kelsey got up and
and said, It was good to see you, Spence. Spencer was serious-
oing ly disappointed, but he let her go and watched sadly as she
walked away.
emp-
m?
Change Your Game H2
ncer
now The story of Kelsey and Spencer happens over and over again,
with time after time, from California to Kansas, from Miami to Mon-
ined treal. Girl wants to meet good guy, good guy wants to be with
w. girl, but they just cant seem to connect. Kelseys friends will
o go later give her a hard time about always ending up with the jerks
m in like Justin, but can offer little advice about how to meet some-
fully one better. Spencers friends will pick on him about how weak
ncer his game is and what a downer he is about going out, but they
over really cant offer any better advice.
uced Dating guides and pick-up books wont help much either. If
ends you read these books theyll tell you that Kelsey is a good flirt
and Spencer is a bad flirt. But is Kelsey really a good flirt? Sure, P
Kelsey knows how to use her body language and bubbly per- d
sonality to meet guys, but she always winds up with the wrong c
one. For Spencer, the dating guides will tell him, Step up your T
game! Theyll tell him to get out there and compete with other p
men, isolate her to get her alone, and come on strong because fl
girls love a guy with confidence. As if it were as simple as that. p
Dating guides even tell women how to flirt with body language, fl
as if batting your eyes or walking seductively is useful advice r
for everyone (or anyone). T
fl
a
H1 FIVE FLIRTING STYLES a
T
This book isnt like the others. This book is a game changer. The a
truth isnt there isnt one right way to flirt. In fact, there are five s
flirting styles. You already have a way of flirting that feels natu- r
ral and is most effective for you: you just need to learn how to s
use it. Rather than a one-size-fits-all approach, this book will T
provide you detailed and research-based information about s
your own unique style of flirting so that you can flirt smarter p
and attract the kind of dates and relationships you really want T
to attract. Thats what sets this book apart from the rest. a
Based on exclusive research, these five flirting styles were L
discovered in a sample of over 5,000 eHarmony users and con- f
firmed in a huge survey of 4,500 individuals worldwide:
You
The Physical Flirt:Physical flirting involves the ing s
expression of sexual interest through body language. style
THE
H1 HOW TO USE THIS BOOK lucky
an a
First, go online and complete the online Flirting Styles Inven- expl
tory. You will get your own individualized report that you can dia c
download, print, and share (if you like). Once you know your Cosm
flirting style, this book will explain how your style influences my fi
every step of a relationshipfrom where you go to meet people expl
to how you experience love in committed relationships. You can style
zero in on the chapters and parts that are particular to your flirti
own flirting style, but dont skip the parts about the other flirt- go a
ing styles. Flirting takes two, after all, so youll want to know the fl
how other people flirt, too. ent t
THE FIVE
but FLIRTING STYLES
king
who
BH Research Says
that
For years, school, work, and friends and family were the lines
BTX most common places to meet a new spouse. Internet in do
dating is now second only to meeting through friends. ters
the m
The story of the five flirting styles starts with a seismic shift in
dating as we know it as online dating became more and more
popular. After years of slow, steady growth in the 1990s, online
dating services experienced exponential growth between 2000
and 2005. For match-making services like eHarmony that pair
members with other members based on key data they collect,
with this great success came a special challenge, one that Se-
nior Director for Research and Product Development at eHar-
mony, Steve Carter, was tasked with solving. Peop
In order to better serve eHarmony users and ensure a high- guag
er success ratea better match, if you willSteve wanted re- is a
search on the science of romantic chemistry. When two people thes
were matched by eHarmony, courted through email, and bold
enough to meet face-to-face, what happened? Did they experi-
ence that electric spark of chemistry or was it dullsville? Steve
wanted data about eHarmony users that would help sort out
the matches who felt a strong connection versus those who
felt nothing.
At that time I was an eager new graduate student at the
Annenberg School for Communication at the University of
Southern California. My advisor, Dr. Michael Cody (Cody to his Afte
friends), had a friend and former student named Julie Albright NO!,
ft in BH
Quotables
more
nline How a person flirts honestly reveals some important
BTX
000 qualities about the individual.
pair Dr. Steven Gangestad, Evolutionary Psychologist
BTX
lect, at University of New Mexico ATTRIBUTE
t Se-
Har-
People think that there is just one way to flirt: through body lan-
high- guage. But, I came to the conclusion that pinning down flirting
d re- is a lot harder than you might think. I set off to try to answer
ople these three questions.
bold
peri- 1. Do you always know when someone is flirting
teve with you?
out 2. Does everyone flirt for the same reason or for
who the same end goal? NL
3. Is the body language of a flirtatious person
the different than that of a friendly person?
y of
o his After looking at the evidence, I had to come to the conclusion:
right NO!, No, and sort of (in that order). One of the big conclusions
Ive
BH Top 10 Ways to Spot a Physical Flirt
gro
1. Soon after meeting you, a physical flirt will
clearly show you if they are attracted to you. on
2. If you meet online, physical flirts feel comfortable ad
disclosing personal details, and will want to but
meet you face-to-face as soon as possible.
BXNL sinc
3. Physical flirts will (mis)interpret your
friendliness as flirtatiousness.
4. Whether a man or a woman, a physical flirt will
be a bit more aggressive, assertive, competitive, That
t all.
Dear Dr. Hall, LSA
Thats a tough question, but I think what you are really asking
me is, Whats his deal? How should I read him? One thing that
I can tell you is that women are much more likely than men to
TR
Q: W
Kati
Thes
used
femi
noth
matt
Bryc
I tot
gett
its B
right
goin
THE
at in
TRADITIONAL STYLE
Q: When you go out, where you do and your friends usu- his m
ally go? wha
Katie: The perfect place for me is someplace classy, like the flirti
places you see in the movies. My friends like to go to clubs
to meet guys, but I just cant stand the idea of putting myself
out there like that. We usually compromise on a place that is SW
more low key, like a hotel bar with couches or someplace more
relaxed. Draw
Bryce: Im up for whatever, but some places I like more than switc
others. My friends and I like to go to this cigar lounge before like
we head out somewhere. I sometimes wish that you could meet som
women there, but it is all dudes. It is my kind of place, you nam
know? A place you can get a cigar and a scotch. Afterward, we are t
hit whatever clubs where the drinks are expensive and there is
a line out front. Thats my kind of place. Wh
Q: Tell me about how you go about approaching someone
you are interested in.
Katie: There is a rule I never break: I dont approach guys.
Some girls are aggressive and I have no problem with that,
but its just not for me. The guy should show he is interested. I
dont want to put myself out there and get shot down. Id much
rather have a guy make the first move.
AS P
ques
I me
impo
or a
whe
want
K
first
som
to th
Righ
you
PERCEPTIONS AND
MISPERCEPTIONS
Whe
true
RULE #1 Flirting is hard to accurately aren
RULES_
distinguish from being friendly or nice and
H1 ally
Im guessing Rule #1 comes as no surprise to anyone. You are attra
probably swamped by popular advice about what to look for ing t
when flirting, but still not so sure that you know it when you your
see it. What you might not know is that accurately judging flirt- in an
ing is equally hard for regular people as it is for researchers of th
who do this sort of thing for a living (which is the best job in the shar
from world by the way). There are three reasons accurately detect-
ing flirting is so hard: 1) Flirting looks a lot like being outgoing,
m 2) Flirting is harder to detect than everyday emotions, like hap-
piness and sadness, and 3) Romantic interest and being nice
look very similar.
e.
What Style is Best for Me?
IF YOU ARE A. YOU WILL APPEAL TO.
CRH
ENDING IT
There are two reasons to end your flirting attempts: it isnt
going anywhere or it is going well but someone has to leave.
Heres some advice for knowing when to end things and how
to handle it.