The Church of NOJ

THE LORD HIGH NOJ IS COME

All Hail NOJ!

You MUST worship NOJ baby! Don't MAKE me put you in a sack and BEAT you with
rushes.

The Chrurch of NOJ: the Marvelous Malevolent New Religion!

NOJ is good NOJ is GREAT... NOJ KNOWS how to Shred & Skate!

The GOD of HEAVY METAL is nigh!

So, sit back, mix yourself a pitcher of margaritas, and prepare to discover the Truth that is
NOJ...

The Temple of NOJ

You thought this was the Temple? Ah-ha it is but a simple DOORWAY into the
myriad mirrors which but reflect the TRUTH OF NOJ. The TRUE Temple of NOJ is
guarded by 3 giant JABBERWOCKS who will devour the EYEBALLS and lower
INTESTINES of any who pass near. But it is of course impossible to find, as the Temple
of NOJ is in the MINDS & SOULS of all his Disciples, it's a nice little shack built back
in the part you don't use anyway.

Since the shortest distance between two points is HELL. And therefore, as NOJ is up
on SPEED, NOJ is often found in HELL . Because of this NOJ can travel instantly
between each and every MIND of all the Disciples of NOJ, and is, in fact, in ALL of
them concurrently.

As the NUMBERS of Disciples GROW the Temple of NOJ grows with them, as well
as the POWER and STRENGTH of the TRUTH which is NOJ. SOON. Yes! Soon NOJ
will rise above Demi-God status and become a TRUE DEITY!
 The servants of NOJ, which NOJ sends forth to do his bidding and spread
PERNICIOUS RUMORS about the lack of his EXISTENCE, are named NOJ-lings, they
are just like homicidal maniacs and can only be distinguished from everyone else in
THAT WAY.

Scully is official PRIESTESS of NOJ. Of course she does not KNOW this, but it's all
subliminal anyway.

Acolytes are the priests of NOJ. Since there can be only ONE High priest of NOJ, all
others are merely ACOLYTES, unless they can cut off his head, but that is neither here
nor there.

NOJ

NOJ the Near-Deity

NOJ is all that which is good and EVIL! EVIL I TELL YOU! EVIL!!!!! in the
universe. Bad is good baby! Everybody booze up and RIOT!

NOJ has an honorary doctorate in EVIL-MEDICINE from EVIL Medical School .

NOJ is not a lesser demon as detractors have tried to claim. NOJ had long since
gathered enough souls to rise to Demi-God status. SOON to be a TRUE GOD!

NOJ would not be a petty PSYCHOTIC deity like SOME I could name. Well, be that
as it may, there is still room in the pantheon of NOJ for a variety of other deities, such as
BOB and SAINT DOGBERT and GYGAX THE 17 LEVEL WARRIOR-MAGE WITH
HIS SOUL SUCKING SWORD! and EVIL THE CAT and THE CHURCH OF BEAVIS
CHRIST and more!

NOJ is the PATRON of (and includes among the MANY Disciples): Psychotics,
Insane Politicians, Pirates, Evil Doctors, Mad Scientists, merely strange computer
programmers, Bald Cats, Comicbook Creators who make comics which will ROT and
warp children's young and impressionable minds, Role-Playing Gamers who play
UNHOLY and satanically EVIL games for fun & PROFIT, people who can CONVERT
Jehovah's Witnesses to EVIL!, and much MUCH more. Now how much would you pay?
But wait! There's MORE!

NOJ
 Why become a Disciple of NOJ?
Disciples of NOJ are OBVIOUSLY and measurably genetically SUPERIOR life
forms.

ALL Disciples of NOJ are fully EXEMPT from paying any TAXES! (however as yet
the government does not agree, but someday soon they will see the DARK that is NOJ!)

Disciples of NOJ are INHUMANLY intelligent or at the very least inhuman.

The enemies of NOJ will all be slowly BOILED and processed into little tins of
spiced ham when the apocalypse comes. Which will be on 22 December 2012 in case
anyone wants to know. The date as told according to the WORD of NOJ. Which confirms
the date given by both the termination of the Mayan calendar, and Terence McKenna's
Fractal Timewave Graph. McKenna being a closet NOJ-ling, though of course he would
not admit such a claim as it would invalidate his time-of-consciousness-stream.

NOJ

How to become a Disciple of NOJ

It is surprisingly EASY to become a Disciple of NOJ. You WORSHIP NOJ. As You
MUST!

That is no hardship, in fact YOU may HAVE DONE SO unwittingly many times in
the past, but NOJ does not care if you worship with wit or not. Any form of worship only
makes NOJ stronger. Such is why NOJ will DENY EXISTING if that will trick people
into worshiping.

Here though, are the correct and apocryphal FORMS of the worship of NOJ. You gain
extra NOTICE by chanting the unholey chant of NOJ in connection with any form of
worship: Playing satanically EVIL role-playing GAMES, watching EVIL MOVIES,
watching movies where many many things BLOW UP, watching movies with LOTS and
lots OF GUNS, watching movies where aliens attack and horribly KILL PEOPLE,
reading COMICS which will rot and CORRUPT your mind, READING books which
have been BANned by anyone for any REASON at all, FUCKING HELL!, LIVING in a
mental institution, downloading pornography from the INTERNET, mail-bombing a
spammer, converting a Jehovah's Witness to EVIL, going ARRrr like a Pirate, watching
the Simpsons' Halloween specials on TV, owning a WEAPON whose sole purpose is the
BLOODLETTING of humans, upgrading your computer for the sole purpose of playing
VIOLENT computer games and downloading Pornography, playing violent COMPUTER
GAMES for hours and hours while you are supposed to be working, listening to satanic
HEAVY METAL MUSIC, etc. etc. and so on, and SO on.

Chant Along with NOJ!

Unholey chant of NOJ: "Ye nom ruo ye mevig, Ye nom ruo ye mevig, Ye nom
ruo ye mevig..." -continue unto infinity.
Correct pronunciation: Yee n(ah)m rue yee mev-igg.
Translation as given by the Acolyte of NOJ: The name of the (demon or god or
spirit). Or to NOJ that which is NOJ's.

NOJ

NOJ needs YOUR help!

HELP NOJ RISE from Demi-God status to become a TRUE DEITY. If each Disciple
of NOJ could just make one blood sacrifice a week, NOJ could become a GOD before
the end of the millennium! Small yapping DOGS are the preferred blood sacrifices, as
many of the DAMN things as possible!

The Lord High NOJ wants to hear your

Pleas! Send Prayers and Suplications,
Abjurations and Conjurations to:
Lord.High.NOJ@Juno.com
The 1st Church of our Lord NOJ. On the Web, KICKIN' ass & stealin' SOULS,
since nineteen-dickety-two!

And remember, "Satan is but a PUSSY compared to the wrath of NOJ!"

WARNING: This page composed of hundreds of (not very) HIDDEN LINKS--which

change randomly & without warning--peruse at peril of your SOUL!

]`-} <--- the horned one winks at

you!

NOJ
Page created by the Society for the Furtherance of Demigods & the Acolyte of NOJ.
Entire contents & TM their respective creators, or the Acolyte of NOJ 1996.
Page revised October 1998.