1.

0 Introduction

Malaysia stands out as the country to have the most diverse races, from the three main ethnic
groups, the Malay people, the Chinese people and the Indian people all the way to the Sabah and
Sarawak people. Advameg (1988) stated that in a country filled with diversity, it becomes a gift
to belong to such a beauty. According to cross-cultural Blog: Importance of cross cultural
communication (2017) stated that communication in a country like Malaysia is key because
culture plays a very significant part in each individuals life. Also Addvameg (1988) went on to
state that Malaysians live in harmony without any racial stigma so it is absolutely essential to be
aware of the cultures and norms practiced by other ethnic groups.

Malaysians are in constant confusion and constant acceptance because the culture of Malaysian
is very diverse and each family has a very distinct way of communicating a particular culture so
Malaysians are constantly very cautious about boundaries. Comparing this to America, America
has a more liberal way of communicating their culture; America is seen as having the grand what
of celebrating culture and the entire country more or less share the same culture and beliefs was
stated by the cross-cultural Blog: Importance of cross-cultural communication (2007).

So, I have concluded that the interview should be done between two individuals who are the
same gender and similar professional field and around the same age to get a clearer picture of the
average Malay and Chinese cross culture communication methods. I have interviewed a Malay,
Female, junior analyst who is 28 and wishes to stay anonymous and also a Chinese, Female,
Dentist who is 29 who also chooses to remain anonymous.

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2.0 Language & Verbal Communication

According to Hanes (2015) Language and Verbal Communication focuses on sending a message
oran expression between two or more people. It always focuses on a message that needs to be
conveyed. The article also stated that language and Verbal Communication acts as a tool for an
individual to convey desires, ideas and concepts and it plays a very important part in the process
of teaching and learning.

As referred to the introduction, the following Malay participant shall henceforth be known as
Respondent A and the Chinese participant shall be known as Respondent B.

Question 1: (1) what language are you most comfortable using to communicate on a daily
basis?

Respondent A (Aisyah) : Respondent A stated English as being her favorite mode of

communication. This is because of the influence of her colleagues being of a different race so she
uses English to create common ground. In addition, she went on to say that initially she did
prefer to communicate in Malay during her school days but as she matured and got herself into a
working environment, she started to prefer using English. There was a little struggle in the
beginning; however, she was able to communicate in English well. (Refer to appendix 2)

Respondent B (Tracy Ng) : Respondent B also stated English being her most comfortable
language. Having come from a background of an English Speaking learned family, and having
attended a private school English was the only language that surrounded her environment.

(Refer to appendix 2)

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Question2: (2) was there any that contributed to your likings for this language or was it
your choice?

Respondent A (Aisyah): She informed that it was purely her decision to have a change of
language. She said that eventually she grew up and took a liking to English and so it was a
choice done by her without any third party or environmental involvements. (Refer to appendix 1)

Respondent B (Tracy Ng) : She stated that she is not sure because that was the formula that all
her family members grew up with, and that it had become a subconscious thing in the household
to communicate in English. She also went on to say that yes, English is becoming a global
language and that it should be encouraged in all communities. (Refer to appendix 2)

Question 3: (3) Why are you comfortable with using this language? Do you become more
expressive when you use this particular language?

Respondent A (Aisyah) : She expressed that she feels more professional. In addition, she went on
to say that she has become more expressive with English and she is learning new words every
day and that this makes her feel very confident. She compared English to Malay, which was her
mother tongue, she said that she was lost for words. (Refer to appendix 1)

Respondent B (Tracy Ng) : She expressed that she has been using English since she was a child
and that that is her thought process, she thinks in English and talks in English although having
known several other languages and that compared to other languages, she is more comfortable
and expressive with English. (Refer to appendix 2)

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Question 4: (4) Do you use one accent/slang with your friends and another accent/slang
when you are with family members? If yes, Why?

Respondent A (Aisyah): She says yes. She says she uses more of an informal tone and language
when she is talking to her peers and colleagues because she doesnt have to worry about making
an impression and that she can let her guard down and be herself. Whereas, at home she is softer
with her tone and language and that respect of elders play a huge role so she tries to steer clear of
the slap. Adding, she stated that this is the way she wants her children to grow up, respecting
elders. (Refer to appendix 1)

Respondent B (Tracy Ng) : Se says no. She uses the same tone of voice and accent whilst talking
to her family members and friends because thats just the way things are done in their household.
Everything needs to be practiced in moderation, even expressing yourself. She says she has
nothing to hide in front of her parents and adding to it, she stated she isnt a hypocrite. (Refer to
appendix 2)

Question 5: (5) As stated in Question 4. Do you do this unconsciously?

Respondent A (Aisyah) : She says no. She is fully aware that she is doing this consciously
because it tends to be the logical thing to do. She says that it is disrespectful to use the same tone
with your friends and family. (Refer to appendix 1)

Respondent B (Tracy Ng) : She says no and that it is entirely a conscious effort. She stated her job
being a common ground for everything in her life. (Refer to appendix 2)

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2.1 Comparisons / comments

Question 1

Respondent A (Aisyah) , being from a Malay centred background, prefers to converse in English
because of the environment change and it is generally a language the world is using to converse
as compared to Respondent B (Tracy Ng), who has used English as a form of communication in
the household, and uses English as the first mode of communication.

Question 2

Respondent A (Aisyah) eventually took a liking towards English because of her environmental
changes and decided to step up to the mark to survive in a professional setting as supposed to
Respondent B (Tracy Ng), having grown up in a household of mainly English speaking family
members. This is very evident in the globalization and English has surpassed all other forms of
communication, having being the most used language in the world today.

Question 3

Respondent A (Aisyah) seems to have taken a liking to English and is very keen on learning new
words and expressing herself in English, however, there will be some jerks along the way for
Respondent A because she hasnt been practicing English since she was a child, like Respondent
B (Tracy Ng), who has been practicing English since she was a child.

Question 4

It is very obvious that Respondent A (Aisyah) alters her attitude when she is with her family and
in a professional workplace, because as she states, its the more respectful thing to do whereas,
it is obvious in Respondent Bs (Tracy Ng) answer that the family is very open to individual
attitude and personality. Respondent Bs family respects the space and trusts one another to
make the best decisions for them, only acting as a support to the decision and not make the
decisions

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Question 5

Both stated as it being a conscious effort, however, the Respondent A (Aisyah) justifies it due to
the respectful thing to do. Respondent A, is very tied down with family, principles and religion
which shapes the way she thinks, in this case, all three aspects of these acts as a guideline for the
way she lives her life. In Respondent Bs ( Tracy Ng) case, the respondents family is very
supportive of individuality and accepts the children the way they are, without even having to
change 1% of their beings, the support of the family in this case acts as a guideline in which
Respondent A lives her life.

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2.2 Evaluation/Recommendation:

Respondent A (Aisyah): Respondent A seems to have a very pleasant work culture which allows
her to be more expressive and herself, this makes her very comfortable, however, she appreciates
her own Malay Culture because of the traits and values that they teach her. She has a balance of
both a good working life and a balanced household.

Respondent B (Tracy Ng) : Due to the environment that she has come from, Respondent B has
had a very modern outlook on life. Her family might be Chinese but their mindset is very
Western. Of course they have their limits but they have certainly made her a very modern person
with values in tact but she doesnt object to anything forcefully.

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3.0 The Expression of Emotion

According to Cherry (2016), we have learnt to express our emotions through two very distinctive
methods, which is verbal and non-verbal communications. Both of these methods can be
performed without any self-awareness, it is not something that the mind controls, rather our
being. Without being skeptical, this is the idea behind expression of emotion, it is said that
individuals have conscious control of their emotional expressions; however, they need not have
conscious awareness of their emotional or affective state on order to express emotion.

Question 1: (1) Do you talk about your feelings to your family members?

Respondent A (Aisyah) : She says yes. She is very close to her mother and younger sister. (Refer
to appendix 1)

Respondent B (Tracy Ng) : She says no. She prefers to talk to her friends and that her family
members arent very expressive in the household and there is little to no communication at home.
(Refer to appendix 2)

Question 2: (2) There is a misconception in Asian households. It says that if you are a boy,
you must not cry, it implies that you are not man enough. Do you think this applies to
your family?

Respondent A (Aisyah): She says no. Her brother was a very emotional person and that her father
believed that creating a safe space where the children feel safe was essential. They were always
very supportive and defensive over one another. (Refer to appendix 1)

Respondent B (Tracy Ng): She gave a strong No because there is no to too little communication at
home although she did see her dad cry once, after losing his job. (Refer to appendix 2)

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Question 3: (3) As stated in question 3. Is there any personal perception your family lives
by?

Respondent A (Aisyah) : She states that in the family, her aunties re very skeptical over strong,
intelligent and independent women. They say that she scares away the men and that she would be
an unfit wife. She went on to say that this happens in other Malay households. (Refer to
appendix 1)

Respondent B (Tracy Ng) : She says no, however, they live by the term dont come into y
business and I wont come into yours. She says her family does not give credit to this kind of
thinking methods. (Refer to appendix 2)

Question 4: (4) as stated in Question 5, do you support or are you against this common
perception?

Respondent A (Aisyah) : She expressed that she was against it. (Refer to appendix 1)

Respondent B (Tracy Ng): She expressed that she had no opinion on this matter. (Refer to
appendix 2)

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3.1 Comparisons / comments

Question 1

Respondent A (Aisyah) has a very concrete family background, however, with the open-
mindedness of the family members of Respondent B ( Tracy Ng), she still prefers to go to her
friends for any advice, hence, she does not feel inclined to share her experiences with her family
members like Respondent A.

Question 2

Both Respondents stated a clear NO for this particular stereotype. In Respondent As case, the
parents wanted to provide a very nurturing environment for the children to express their
emotions and feel safe, hence, being less judged. This can also be seen in Respondent B ( Tracy
Ng) .

Question 3

Respondent As (Aisyah) family is very judgmental over the new age women and success, this
put off the Respondents way of life. Respondent A feels very targeted and victimized in her
extended family because she is the new age women her aunties dislike, this creates an
emotional sickening or displeasure among the Respondent and her extended family. This
contradicts with Respondent Bs (Tracy Ng) way of life, which is the family is very work centric,
so relationships arent given much priority.

Question 4

Respondent A (Aisyah) was left to feel very negative about her aunties, this is because the
Respondent feels like she is being personally targeted because she isnt following the mold set
by her aunties and previous cousins, she is very grounded and she has a set of principles that she
follows but when it comes to this, she is left to feel targeted whilst Respondent B ( Tracy Ng) is
not affected by the above question at all.

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3.2 Evaluation/Recommendation:

Respondent A (Aisyah) : Clearly, respondent A has a very supportive Malay household. The
family is very supportive and they live in a nurturing environment.

Respondent B (Tracy Ng): Respondent B possesses not even a drop of emotion from her family.
Everyone respects each others personal space and do not want to get interrupted.

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4.0 Romantic Relationship

Romantic relationships probably acts as the most fulfilling perspective of an individuals life as
stated by Douglas (1991). Often, individuals refer to someone compatible as their romantic
partner. Having said that, love is the highest emotion known to mankind

Question 1: (1) Is love a taboo in your household? If yes, Why?

Respondent A (Aisyah): She expressed that no, it isnt a taboo and the household would prefer for
the individuals themselves to bring back someone as supposed to having to settle for an arranged
marriage. (Refer to appendix 1)

Respondent B (Tracy Ng) : She expressed that her family is very accepting of love in her
household and that it is widely accepted. (Refer to appendix 2)

Quenstion2: (2) On contrary to Question 1, does your family accept romantic partners?

Respondent A (Aisyah): She said yes, they do accept her boyfriend but it is seen as a role before
marriage. There is little e to none body contact because that would seem as disrespecting the
elders in the house. It is a common belief that the guy and girl cannot touch before marriage.
(Refer to appendix 1)

Respondent B (Tracy Ng) : She said yes, they are very supportive towards any of the decisions
that she makes, however, they put their careers ahead of their relationships so there is no big deal
about romantic partners. (Refer to appendix 2)

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Question 3: (3) What about live-in relationships? Does your family accept living with your
romantic partner?

Respondent A (Aisyah) : She says no. It is against their religion. However, she personally does
not think it is right to live and consummate with someone before marriage because she thinks it
is a waste of time. (Refer to appendix 1)

Respondent B (Tracy Ng) : She says yes. She went on to say that her brother is living with his
girlfriend and it is considered a norm in their household. (Refer to appendix 2)

Question 4: (4) Is it a taboo losing your virginity in your household? How will your family
react if you told them you were not a Virgin?

Respondent A (Aisyah): She says it is against her religion to consummate before marriage but
judging from a personal point of view, she says she doesnt have anything against anyone who
practices that lifestyle. (Refer to appendix 1)

Respondent B (Tracy Ng): She says that her family is aware of having sexual intercourse but it is
something that is never discussed, she went on to add that if her family does know, they trust her
enough to know what she is doing. (Refer to appendix 2)

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4.1 Comparisons / Comments

Question 1

Respondent As (Aisyah) family acknowledges the presence of a boyfriend but prefers to keep it
on a hushed tone, till the couple is married because the family is very cautious, what if
something happens and they break up, there is a concern of 3rd party gossips whereas Respondent
Bs(Tracy Ng) household is very accepting and there is not judgment in the relationship because
the family chooses to live life by a set of terms which perfectly suits the 21 st century person,
without over doing anything and letting them be whosoever they please.

Question 2

Respondent A (Aisyah) stated as the boyfriend being near to invisible and there is a lot of politics
behind brining back a boyfriend, whereas Respondent Bs ( Tracy Ng) family is very supportive
and welcoming, and asks the boyfriend to take part in family activities, hence they welcome him
with open arms

Question 3

Respondent As (Aisyah) family does not approve of live in relationships and from a personal
point of view, this can be due to the fact that Respondent As family lives by a set of preset rules
and principles and also by religion that this is wrong, whereas Respondent Bs (Tracy Ng) family
practices living in partners because the family practices a new set of rules that is more obliged to
the 21st century, the set of rules is not outdated but it offers to be a set of achievable principles.

Question 4

Respondent A (Aisyah) says it is against her religion and so it is very obvious that the Respondent
A is very inclined to her religion and family whereas Respondent Bs ( Tracy Ng) family is aware
of the children having sexual intercourse and trust them enough to make decisions on their own.

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4.2 Evaluation/ Recommendation:

Respondent A (Aisyah) : Her household seems open minded with a limit. They fully acknowledge
a relationship but they have their limits at which they should accept. On a more personal note, I
think that the reason they are doing this is, because of their protective nature against their
daughter. Also, they are very rooted and their religion plays a huge role in shaping their lifestyle
and their choices.

Respondent B (Tracy Ng) : her household is very accepting; they are very supportive of her
decisions and give her the space to explore different dimensions of herself. They dont have a set
of rules to follow but at the same time, theyre not free birds as well.

5.0 Conclusion

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In conclusion, upon referring to the above statements, it is safe to conclude that Respondent A
(Aisyah) has a very balanced life with a very professional English speaking working environment
where she is allowed to be herself and be a very confident, working individual of late 20s. She is
allowed to stay outside of her family home and indulge herself in her work and her family
respects her personal space. However, when it comes to family time, the family expects her to
come back and help around the house and fulfill her obligations as her daughter, so it is very
positive environment and she is governed by a rules and respect. As working class women, she
states that she wants her children to grow up upholding the same values and principles that she
grew up by. Also, religion also plays a huge role in how she shapes her life, she looks at her life
from a religious point of view where she is governed by laws and restrictions.

Respondent B (Tracy Ng), however, grew up in a very modern household where she quickly fit
into. The household represents a very modern thinking; they are individuals who focus on their
personal growth and a much focused on academic and intelligence. She is not restricted from
doing anything and everything her heart pleases. Her parents dont place a set of rules for her to
follow, and neither do they want to the tied down to anything. In a more general sense, they
family is very supportive because they dont restrict her with emotional blackmail and all sorts.

(3512 Words)

6.0 References

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 Advameg (1988) Culture of Malaysia - history, people, clothing, traditions, women, beliefs, food,
customs, family. Available at: http://www.everyculture.com/Ja-Ma/Malaysia.html (Accessed: 18
September 2016)
Cross-cultural Blog: Importance of cross cultural communication (2017) Available at:
http://web.stanford.edu/group/ccr/blog/2007/11/importance_of)crosscultural)co.html (Accessed:
18 September 2016)
Cherry, K. (2016) Are our emotional expressions universal? Available at:
https://www.verywell.com/the-expression-of-emotion-2795180 (Accessed 20 September 2016)
Douglas, R. (1991) Relationships. Available at:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/relationships (Accessed 20 September 2016)
Hanes, T. (2015). What Is Verbal Communication?. (online) LIVESTRONG.COM. Available at:
http://www.livestrong.com/article/150573-what-is-verbal-communication/ (Accessed 20
September 2016)

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 Appendix

Appendix 1

Sample Questionnaire Malay Culture

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I, Vaishnave Mohan Raj, student of INTI International College, Subang holding the ID number of
J15017673 fully acknowledge that any opinion, views, statements and judgments provided by the
individual taking this survey will only be used for this particular academic purpose. It will not be used in
any other publications or provided to any 3rd party sources or sold.

Questionnaire.

General Information

Name: Aisyah

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Age: 28

Race: Malay

Occupation: Junior Analyst

Language and Verbal Communication

(1) What language are you most comfortable using to communicate on a daily basis?

English. Because it is the language I use the most, I have a lot of friends and colleagues who are of
different race, so I prefer to use English.

When I was in school, I tend to prefer speaking in Malay, even at home I spoke Malay but when I moved
to the city, I started prefer to speak English because it is the easier mod of communication. I struggled at
first but eventually, I preferred conversing in English.

(2) Was there any that contributed to your likings for this language or was it your choice?

Nothing contributed to it, it was just my change of liking. People tend to grow and change; I wanted a
change, so I just spoke English. It was purely my choice.

(3) Why are you comfortable with using this language? Do you become more expressive when you
use this particular language?

I feel more professional and polished in a sense. This allows me to be more confident with who I am.
As suppose to BM, although it being my mother tongue, I was lost for words because the language was so
restrictive in a sense. With English, I learn new words every day, one more complicated than the next.

(4) Do you use one accent/slang with your friends and another accent/slang when you are with
family members? If yes, Why?

Yes. Most definitely! With my peers and colleagues, I swear and use informal language, I am more at ease
whilst talking to my friends and peers. In a sense, my guard is down because at the end of the day, were
all humans.

I talk differently to my parents obviously because Id get slapped if Im rude, (yes, even at this age, it
happens). As a professional, I understand that my culture is very draw towards respect and I have to abide
by the obligations, its not that Im forced into my custom, its largely because its a good trait and I want
to instill it in my family one day.

(5) As stated in Question 4. Do you do this unconsciously?

No. I do so purely conscious. Its logic right? You cant talk to your family members the way you talk to
your friends! Its just not practical! No matter how modern we become, It is still a basic trait of respecting
family.

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The expression of emotions

1) Do you talk about your feelings to your family members?

Yes. To my mother and younger sister.

2) There is a misconception in Asian households. It says that if you are a boy, you must not cry, it
implies that you are not man enough. Do you think this applies to your family?

No, I dont support this. My older brother has cried so many times that we become surprised when he
doesnt cry. I think it depends on the family, my family never shyed away from expressing ourselves. My
father always believed in creating a safe space, for us to come home and feel safe and we are allowed to
express ourselves as long as it doesnt leave the room. We arent restricted in any way.

3) As stated in question 3. Is there any personal perception your family lives by?

Yes. This one bugs me the most, that if youre a single, successful 27 year old, there is something wrong
with you? A couple of days ago, my aunty told me that I scare off men becauseI seem too intelligent and
arrogant. Ive seen it with my other peers who are also Malay.

We are being perceived as unfit wife material for men who are just incompetent. I worked day and night
to be where I am, and for the older generation to develop these perspectives on my generation is very
unfair because myself and a few others, we are self made.

4) As stated in Question 5, do you support or are you against this common perception?

AGAINST! BIG TIME!

Romantic Relationships.

1) Is love a taboo in your household? If yes, Why?

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Not really. My younger sister has a boyfriend that my parents are aware of. They would prepare for us to
fall in love with someone and brought them back home to introduce him to our family rather than them
finding someone for us.

2) On contrary to Question 1, does your family accept romantic partners?

Yes. Yes they do, but proceed with caution. They only acknowledge and accept the fact that you have a
romantic partner but any show of love, any body contact, and any slight touch would send us straight to
the bin. It is a common belief that a girl and a guy cannot touch until marriage. In this sense, my parents
are strict.

3) What about live-in relationships? Does your family accept living with your romantic partner?

No. It is not acceptable by our religion. Personally, I think live-in relationships are a waste of time
because it is like a slow drug, it silently kills you. You never really know your partners intentions.

4) Is it a taboo losing your virginity in your household? How will your family react if you told them
you were not a Virgin?

Yes. It is HARAM! On a more personal note, I dont have anything against people who chose to indulge
in sexual relationships. My parents would just disown me as their daughter, and they would cut of any
source of communication with me.

Appendix 2

Sample Questionnaire Chinese Culture

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I, Vaishnave Mohan Raj, student of INTI International College, Subang holding the
ID number of J15017673 fully acknowledge that any opinion, views, statements
and judgments provided by the individual taking this survey will only be used for
academic purposes. It will not be used in any other publications or provided to any
3rd party sources.

Questionnaire.

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General Information

Name: Tracy Ng

Age: 29

Race: Chinese

Occupation: Dentist

Language and Verbal Communication

(1) What language are you most comfortable using to communicate on a daily basis?

English. I have always spoken English, even at home. We are an English Speaking family, I attended a
private school, we had a very learned background growing up, my mother was a teacher and my dad was
a scientist, studies always came first, along with good communication skills.

(2) Was there any that contributed to your likings for this language or was it your choice?

I dont know about that. This has always been a practice in my house,I have never been influenced into it,
it is more like a tradition for us, especially nowadays, since English is being used as a global language,
shouldnt it be encouraged? .does that answer your question?

(3) Why are you comfortable with using this language? Do you become more expressive when you
use this particular language?

Why am I comfortable with this language? Well, Ive been using it since I was a little kid. It is embedded
into my subconscious. I know Mandarin and French but English has always been more relatable for me,
you can say Im more expressive with English as suppose to the other two languages.

(4) Do you use one accent/slang with your friends and another accent/slang when you are with
family members? If yes, Why?

No. I tend to use the same accent that I use with my friends to my family members. We are a very
understanding household, Im not a hypocrite, I can be myself in front of my parents of course with limit.
We are a Chinese household after all.

(5) As stated in Question 4. Do you do this unconsciously?

No. I am very conscious about everything in my life especially communication because of the type of job
I am doing.

The expression of emotions

1) Do you talk about your feelings to your family members?

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No. I prefer talking about my emotions with my friends. My family members arent very expressive,
everything is done in hushed tones. Here is very little communication between anyone in the house.

2) There is a misconception in Asian households. It says that if you are a boy, you must not cry, it
implies that you are not man enough. Do you think this applies to your family?

I dont think we communicate enough in my household, I dont know whether or not that is implied in my
household, although my father has cried a couple of times, after losing his job, so..No?

3) As stated in question 3. Is there any personal perception your family lives by?

No. The only thing my family lives by is, dont come in my business and I wont come in yours. We dont
have any kind of restrictions, we are very free, we are very independent, I dont thin any of us has the
time to ponder upon our personal perception?

4) As stated in Question 5, do you support or are you against this common perception?

NO OPINION.

Romantic Relationships.

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1) Is love a taboo in your household? If yes, Why?

No. It is perfectly normal. My family is very accepting in that sense.

2) On contrary to Question 1, does your family accept romantic partners?

Yes. They are fine with anything we decide, they give us all the freedom under the sun to go after what
we want, how we want and why we want. Yes, they accept romantic partners, but my family has always
been more focused on individual personal growth.

3) What about live-in relationships? Does your family accept living with your romantic partner?

Yes. My younger brother now currently lives with his girlfriend and they do everything together. In my
opinion, I like these relationships because you get to grow with that person, constantly supporting them
and caring for them.

4) Is it a taboo losing your virginity in your household? How will your family react if you told them
you were not a Virgin?

No. But it is also never discussed. It has come up in a few meetings with my aunties, with them it has
always been a race to find out who lost their virginity at what age. In a sense, whos the slut and who
the prude is. If I tell them Im not a virgin, they wouldnt say anything, theyd just say we hope you
know what youre doing.

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