I Will Find Myself

People always tell of how colorful and vibrant life is, like an

endless spectrum of ups and downs, shadows and lights, which

altogether transmit a message of its own. This notion of life has

always been the case for everyone throughout history, the only

things changing are the specific events that bring about lifes cycle.

Technology has been changing, and cultures have evolved up to

what we now have today. Nipun Mehta has remarked how the

current specificities of human lives today have become paradoxical

in a way that we are disconnected with each other in a world

seemingly at its most connected phase. It can be observed how

corruption, wars, and ignorance are existing beside our generations

progress.

All of these happenings have been associated, by Crouse in her

American Spectator article, with the generations incapability of

integration between the past and their future, and tells how people

are growing into much individualism that we lack connections as we

interact around ussearching for lifes meaning. However,

searching for lifes meaning in this way is impossible because there

is no gain in wisdom for humans without meaningful interactions

with each other.

The human is a homo viator, he or she is trekking lifes

uncertain journey in the world. And in this world, there are others

like us we find links with. People are always leaning to share and

create these threads of events which entangles them in a complex

web of experiences. Furthermore, in these experiences, humans

have the power and freedom to transcend. We are not stagnantly

stuck in these webs, but we can struggle to find meaning and

purpose within. We try to decipher what our lifes calling is.

The webs that entangle us may either be violent or blissful, and

along these complexities we yearn for belonging in these webs in

looking for our purpose. Voices come in our lives, both from inside

and outside us, and these are all clamoring to be heard and listened,

for us to conform to them. This disposition of humans can be very

demanding but Buechner advises us to go with the voice of gladness

where we need to go and where we are most needed to go as we

see gladness in our work. These constant doses of conflicts can

always bring us to a number of metanoia on how we should be

living. The chances of changing the heart become narrow as we go

on life that is why there is an urgent need for us to drive ourselves

in going for the right voices before we reach what Buechner and

Marquand called a point of no return where we regret what has

been done already for the majority of our lives.

Going with the right voices, as Buechner notes, is conquering the

things of the world in our freedom of dispossession, and being able

to find meaningful work just like Jesus Christ amidst the struggles he

faced. God has given us the gift of human freedom for us to choose

the path of our vocation according to our personal and corporate

history, and in line with the fundamental and general call of God for

co-creation and the covenant of love. By being Christ-like we do not

leave by the worlds demands but by the Word of God which is Jesus

himself. Under pressure, we are called to live authentically and fully,

as Christ lived, through the agency of love as our capacity to love

never fades. Mehta calls for us to dance with lifes perpetual rhythm

through generosity as God has given us these graces as a means for

our vocations, and we are expected much from it.

However, most of the time in our live we still cannot avoid falling

in the pit of questioning God about our calling. There are questions

like, Are we even called for something? Why are we experiencing

bad things if God is there to guide our lives? These encounters are

discussed by the Fray in their song You Found Me. OConnell tells

how our journey as humans is an on-going revelation of Gods call to

humans, and each of us are His vehicles for the world to receive His

revelation. We will face brokenness, we will face joy, and all of these

are a part of the greater scheme of life. And I, myself, believe I am

not yet there, I am still on the road.

Like being in the street corner of First and Amistad, there have

been moments for me where feelings of emptiness had seemed to

overcome my hope for myself. With some voices I had happily

followed, I have also regretted listening to a lot. There are points of

my almost surrender to the world and getting consumed by the

tempting voices of seemingly grandiose offer of life. I have

struggled asking for the voices of certainty I want to hear, still

unbeknownst to me that the voices I need the most are those that I
would not like in the first place just like how Isaac asked Why me?

as he was called to serve.

But here I am, at my okay stage again, I have defeated and

overcome those moments and it felt like it was just yesterday. This

journey is indeed going on a faster pace, now I am realizing, and for

myself to fully live it, I am promising to ride along with love and to

believe in myself conquering the clash of clamoring voices inside

and outside me. This is a promise to give, receive back, dance

through, and extend myself to others, with my very best to persist.

With this hopeful promise of love of mine, I am still never certain

that I wont be facing those abysses again. I may become lost and

insecure again one day, but I am hopeful that God stays the same

as beforefinding me at my deadest.