Académique Documents
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in Family Therapy
Gerald H. Zuk
An invited presentation for the First International Congress of Family Therapy held in
Tel Aviv, Israel, in February, 1976. A brief version of this paper is scheduled for
Psychotherapy: Theory, Research and Practice, Vol. 15, No. 1, 1978, but due to an
extraordinary delay in publication of the above-named journal, the lengthier version
here may actually appear in print first. The possibility is mutually acknowledged by the
editors of both journals. Reprint requests should be addressed to Gerald H. Zuk, Dept. of
Family Psychiatry, Eastern Penna~ Psychiatric Institute, Henry Ave. at Abbottsford Rd.,
Philadelphia, Penna. 19129.
International Journal at Family Therapy 7(2) Summer 1979
0148-8384/79/1400-0133 $00.95 9 Human Sciences Press 133
134
GERALD H. ZUK
Conflict in Families
Elicitation of conflict often consumes a major portion of
family interviews, and rightly so because conflict provides rich
material for the therapist. The issues over which family members
quarrel probably number in the hundreds. Therapists listen to
arguments over family finances, child-rearing practices, relations
with extended family and friends, job commitment of the
husband versus his expected duties at home, and so on. These
are the "contents" of some of the manifold quarrels, but conflict
can also be viewed from the perspective of the "parties"
involved. In family therapy, because the nuclear family is
present in most instances, there are three main "parties": (1)
males versus females, especially husbands versus wives; (2) the
older versus younger generation, especially parents versus
children; and (3) the nuclear family versus other, usually larger
social units, such as the extended family, the neighborhood or
institutions.
In family interviews husbands and wives can and do accuse
each other of all sorts of misdeeds, bad intentions, or lies.
Sometimes this is done in an open manner, sometimes not.
Another male versus female conflict is that between brother and
sister. Conflict between parents and children is also common in
family interviews. It may be over the disarray of the child's
bedroom. Or it may be about the selection of the first "date" of
the adolescent, or the hour he or she is expected home from
dates. Still later it may be about the choice of careers. Gene-
rational conflict may also exist between parents and their
parents. It may, for example, arise when parents' parents remind
them of supposed duties or obligations to other family mem-
bers. Conflict between the nuclear family and other social units
is commonly observed in family interviews. In some instances
there is squabbling with neighbors because children have
trespassed property. A family receiving welfare payments may
137
GERALD H. ZUK
"Continuity . . . . Discontinuity"
GERALD H. ZUK
persistently are tardy and give weak excuses. When the issue is
confronted, the children typically charge the parents as too rule-
and-regulation oriented. The parents maintain that the children
are disobedient or rebellious and anticonformist. The conflict is
typically waged along the moral/ethical dimension of the "con-
tinuity-discontinuity" value system structure.
In child-rearing conflict in which the nuclear family and
other social units such as the neighborhood are engaged, more
commonly the nuclear family takes the "continuity" position,
the neighborhood the "discontinuity" position. An example is
the neighbor who complains to parents that their children are
making too much noise, or have damaged property. The parents
are inclined to defend their children by insisting that all children
are noisy or break things and that the neighbors should make
allowances. The neighbors reply that good parents discipline
their children for misbehavior, and that the attractiveness of the
neighborhood must be maintained. Here again is the "con-
tinuity-discontinuity" dispersion mainly expressed along the
ethical/moral dimension.
The nuclear family versus other social unit conflict can itself
be further broken down into conflict over race, ethnic origin,
religion, social class level, and even political association. For
example, in family interviews with blacks, it is not uncommon to
hear whites described as too achievement oriented, too imper-
sonal, too rational. On the other hand, with whites, blacks are
described as impulsive, lacking in orderliness. The whites are
usually assigned the "discontinuity" values, the blacks the
"continuity" values.
In interviews with families of southern European origin,
persons of northern European origin will be labeled too re-
served, too controlled, too orderly. Southerners will be des-
cribed by Northerners as impulsive, over-emotional. In inter-
views with middle class families, lower class families will be
described as impulsive, unorganized, over-emotional. Lower
class families will refer to the middle class as too rigid, over-
controlled, too orderlyand systematic. Gentiles will refer to Jews
as too achievement-oriented, too conscious of material well-
being; while Jews will criticize Gentiles for being wishy-washy,
hypocritical in their ideals and methods. Families whose politics
are conservative will describe those with liberal politics as wishy-
washy, prone to idealize; whereas liberal families will criticize
conservatives as too rational, too rigid. In these comparisons also
140
Case 1: I had been seeing the K family, even though the parents had
been divorced many years. Kenny, 1O, the youngest of six children, was
doing poorly in school and had been placed in a class for learning-
handicapped children. The bitterness and rancor of the parents were
immediately evident. Mr. K was especially harsh in his criticism of his
wife. She was careless, didn't know how to discipline the children, and
was impulsive. Mr. K prided himself on his methodical approach to
problems. He was a self-made man, even though at the time in a
dilemma concerning future employment, and he prided himself on his
efficiency and orderliness. He insisted his wife undermined his efforts
to help the children be better behaved and achieve more in school and
at jobs.
An important therapeutic step was, after a few interviews, to insist that
the recriminations stop during interviews. It was not easy to establish
this rule but after a few more meetings the parents responded to the
therapist's direction. Shortly thereafter, they reported improvements
in the conduct of the children. Kenny, the only child attending
meetings, was calmer and more helpful at home.
Clearly Mr. K was an exponent of"discontinuity" values, and attributed
"continuity" values to his wife. In their marriage they failed to resolve
their value orientations peacefully. The circumstances of their lives
added fuel to the kindling fire. Mr. K wanted desperately to succeed at
his job and deeply resented his wife's failure to use birth control. His
job required extensive travel, which facilitated his withdrawal from
wife and children, and he began to drink heavily while away from
home. Mrs. K became resentful of her husband's absences, his
drinking, and his failure to discipline the children.
Case 2- Ron and his wife contrast with the K family in that both were
professionally trained, there were no children, and they were younger
than Mr. and Mrs. K when first seen in therapy. I saw Ron and his wife
for several months before the breakup of their marriage of six years. He
was the only son of Jewish parents residing in a Canadian city; she was
from a German-Catholic family in a Midwest city. They met while Ron
was at a university where both obtained degrees.
About a year before I began to see them Ron persuaded his wife that,
since their sexual relationship seemed inadequate, perhaps sexual
experimentation with others might improve it. Far from being good for
the marriage, this arrangement seemed to doom it. Ron's wife decided
to leave him and seeka divorce, and she declined to continue in couple
therapy.
141
GERALD H. ZUK
Ron was agitated by his wife's decision to leave him and asked me to
continue to see him alone, and I agreed. I saw him regularly for about
one year, then irregularly for another. During the period in which I saw
him alone, he changed jobs and the divorce became final. I asked him
to cooperate with me in two ways: (1) to find a job that offered him
responsibilities commensurate with his level of training and exper-
ience, and to stay with it for at least two years no matter what the
frustrations were; and (2) to form a serious relationship with a woman
with the intention to share his life on a permanent basis.
With the first task Ron more or less complied, but with the second he
did not. He formed numerous brief relationships with women during
the time I saw him. None seemed to him to match his ex-wife. He
mourned the end of that relationship,even as he recognized how he
had helped end it. I think Ron grew up a bit during the time I saw him. I
concentrated on trying to help him deal constructively with frustra-
tions at work and discouraged him from becoming over-manipulative
in his relationships with women.
Ron and his wife were a more "modern" couple than Mr. and Mrs. K;
that is, they were more geographically mobile, less bound by tradi-
tional family obligations, more socially sophisticated, and freer to
establish their own rules for their marriage. They had greater flexibility
in regard to the expression of"continuity" and "discontinuity" values. I
believe the failure of the marriage resulted from a failure to accept
limits to the flexibility.
GERALD H. ZUK
women, parents and children, and the nuclear family and other
social units have related to each other over the centuries, have
struggled with one another and sought to resolve those strug-
gles, and as a result of powerful pressures brought to bear by
technological and other cultural innovations, the effect of new
values, in my opinion, has been to reduce the power differential
between the groups, although not totally erasing it.
"Continunity . . . . Discontinuity"
GERALD H. ZUK
"Continuity . . . . DiscontiNuity"
GERALD H. ZUK
GERALD H. ZUK
GERALD H. ZUK
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