A block vs B block

The word 'block' has had a variety of meanings over the years. For some, it
may simply refer to the shape of a cube. For others, it may be explicit of a
suburban block or implicit of a man's genitalia. Or in combination, we can
string together sentences of enormous enjoyment; for example, a man sky-
dived into a suburban block and landed on a wooden block so hard that it
knocked his own wooden block off. Whether this example is referring to two
definitions of block or three, is entirely up to the reader's interpretation. What
we can ascertain however, is that any interpretation of this sentence perfectly
summarises my first week of living in the blocks.

Since the Vice Chancellor first spawned me out of volcanic ash in the
beginning of semester 141, I have had a very long-winded 'intrapersonal
conflict' over which block (A or B) is better. Like doing battle with a 13 feet tall
amazonian tree frog, projecting my thoughts onto paper has been a very
strenuous and emotionally exhausting task; alas, here goes nothing.

First we shall examine some of the fundamentals of blocks and block-lore. In

the first weeks as a freshman at Bond, you will joke about how deceptively
similar A block and B block sounds to how a warden may choose to
categorise prison blocks. You will laugh and believe it's all rubbish, but then
one day, towards the end of the semester you're going to drop the soap and
realise you had never been more wrong in your life.

For the first two semesters as a student living in the blocks, you're going to
befriend someone and spend lots of your leisure time with them, open up to
them and perhaps even have a relationship with them. In your third semester
you're going to realise that this person is ten years older than they claimed,
never lived in the blocks and was never even a student at Bond University. At
this point I recommend a blood test.

With this in mind, let's battle it out between the A and the B. We shall contest
this by outlining pros and cons for each block:

A block:

pro: it's quiet

con: too quiet

pro: it's closer to the university

con: it's further from the pub

pro: A is the first letter of the alphabet

con: in reverse order, it's actually the last letter of the alphabet

pro: you could tell someone 'I was staying at A block' and they may think you
said 'I was staying at a block'

con: this could create confusion in conversation and may potentially

jeopardise a relationship

pro: people in B block keep their windows open at night

B block:

pro: there's beer

con: someone might die

pro: there's beer

con: B is the second letter in the alphabet

pro: puns may be used to describe B block (e.g. 'B cool' or 'are you going to B
- cool?')

con: if B block was knocked down with a wrecking ball and gassed with
helium, it wouldn't be anywhere near as good as A block

pro: cannot stress beer enough

con: 'I know people make promises all the time, then they turn right around
and break them, then someone cuts your heart open with a knife, now you're
bleeding. Don't you know that I could be that guy to heal it over time? And I
won't stop until you believe it cause baby you're worth it.' - Justin Timberlake
Pro: If there's a fire alarm, one man will honourably take the blame for setting
it off. A testament to B blocker integrity.

Okay, so after processing these key points many times over, I'm still left in a
predicament; B block is a conspicuous animal shack while A block reeks of
nerds galore. I do not wish to subdue myself to bias (being an active member
of the Milkyway clan), so I won't be candid. Instead, I decided to consult my
mother, Melissa Slattery. She said this: "Jesus Christ once said to all of us that
we must love our neighbours as we love ourselves. If B block is your
neighbour, why would you sabotage the beneficiaries of this residence for the
sake of your own publication? Hatred is an infliction on the world that must be
cured with love. Brood the world with a warm breast and one day we shall all
fly to Zion, as promised by the creator himself. Love, your mother."

So that settles it. A block and B block unite so that we can take down the
travesty that is north and south tower.