Part 3

Being Proud Of and Comfortable With Being Gay

1.

2.

1
Remember that you are not
alone. If you are gay, know
that there are many, many
gay, lesbian, bisexual and
straight people all over the
world who have been in your
situation. The doubt. The nagging guilt. The uncertainty. They've all been through it. [10]Try not
to think of your new sexual revelation as a burden; instead, think of it as a liberation. There is
nothing wrong with being gay. You are not any less of a person for being who you are.
3.

1. Find people who are supportive of your questioning and who won't respond
judgmentally, or worse, report you to local authorities, church leaders, or your
parents. Talking to friends and family members is something you can worry about
later when you're more confident about who you are.
2. Know that being gay, lesbian, bisexual, pansexual, transgender or anything in-
between is okay. No one should make you feel bad about who you are inside. If
your friends are your true friends, they will love you no matter what. If your
parents love you, they will respect you for who you are, no matter what.
3. Realize that the people attacking you probably have problems of their own. These
people are usually the type who take out their anger on other people, perhaps
because they are confused themselves. The people who may lash out at you do so
because they are unhappy with themselves.

4.

5.

2
Watch out for anyone who
insists that you're a confused
heterosexual. Especially if
that person doesn't know who
you are, or is trying to
pressure you to adopt a set of
beliefs or a course of action. You may very well be "confused" or "experimenting," but only you
can determine what you are. You have the right to determine what you call yourself, if you call
yourself anything.
6.
7.

8.

3
Realize that there are many
different paths to discovering
your sexuality. Some people
know that they're gay from a
very early age; others take
time to discover their true
nature, perhaps even realizing it only in later life. There is no statute of limitation on unwrapping
your feelings and tendencies. If you feel a certain way, then you feel a certain way. Try to be
grateful that you found out at all some people wrestle with it their entire lives, never admitting
that they could possibly be gay.
9.

1. Understand that narratives abound about why one develops a particular sexual
orientation. This does not necessarily make it true, or even testable. Freudians
have argued in the past that homosexuality is the result of "a distant father and
overbearing mother" or the result of being stuck in the "anal stage of
development." These hypotheses, while certainly interesting, have little grounding
in fact or science, and have fallen into disuse by mainstream psychology.

1.

2.

4
Understand that sexuality is
considered by some to be a very
complex issue. It's important not to
let outside pressure exclusively
determine your sexual identity.
There are many shades of grey when it comes to sexuality; don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
3.

1. There is room for every degree of sexuality: some will be exclusively straight or
gay, and never consider having sex outside their normal orientation. Some
 lesbians occasionally seek out male partners, and some gay men seek out female
partners.
2. There are many degrees of sexual orientation, and if you find you don't fit easily
into one category, perhaps you are bisexual. Don't allow yourself to be labelled
until or unless you are ready and willing to be.
3. Regardless of preference to one gender or another, you have the right to be
sexually "different". Our society puts a lot of emphasis on heteronormative sex -
male dominance, female submission. Don't let this tie down your sexual
orientation. There are lots straight men who are more submissive and lots of
women who are more dominant sexually.

1.

2.

5
Don't attempt to undermine
anyone's realization or
fulfillment of their sexuality.
Respect the privacy of
individuals you know who
may be wary about coming
out. Coming to terms with one's sexual orientation is difficult and complicated enough. Don't
make it harder on people trying to come to terms with it themselves.
3.

1. Don't look at the finding of your sexuality as a "struggle," because struggle

implies a fight against something or yourself. Rather, see it as a journey of
discovery, and consider seeking safe spaces where you can discuss your questions
openly and meet others who are going through a similar process. Even if you don't
identify as lesbian, gay, or bisexual, you can use this as a starting point to help the
gay rights movement or just meet new people.

1.

2.

6
Keep in mind that sexuality is
fluid and so are identities.
Some people after coming out
as gay or lesbian start acting
or dressing what is perceived
by others as "more gay". This
happens because the person may want to fit the label more precisely, and that is not a bad thing,
but labeling that behavior as fake or untrue is hurtful to that person. If your friends start accusing
you of "acting more gay than before", ignore them. Be proud of who you are and be free to be
whoever you want to be, without anyone telling how you should act or dress or talk or walk!
3.
4.

5.

7
Remember that you can be
attracted to multiple persons
and you can fall emotionally
and/or sexually for almost
anyone. There are people who
believe that they are born with
their sexual preferences and there are those who don't. But each identity is a constructed one and
there is nothing wrong with that. Feeling attraction to the same sex can make you feel confused
about your sexual identity because you might be trying to fit in with the society's expectations to
define yourself. You can identify as gay, lesbian, straight, queer, bisexual. But it is also okay if
you don't want to label yourself.
6.

1. Feel free to fall in love and/or have sex with whoever you want and don't let the
society dictate the way you live. That is easier said than done but the bottom line
is to be true to yourself. Some people fall only for the persons of the opposite sex,
some fall only for the persons of the same sex, some can fall for both. Don't feel
pressure to label yourself especially if you feel that none of the labels really fit
you. Be free to explore yourself and love and sex.