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Does your child complain about the seams in his socks? Put her hands over
her ears when the movie starts in the movie theater?
Have trouble sitting still? Get moved almost to tears by a piece of music or
work of art? These are signs of overexcitabilities.
Psychomotor
Children with this OE also may be misdiagnosed as ADHD. But while they
can be active, they are quite capable of focused concentration unless they
are insufficiently mentally stimulated. The lack of mental stimulation can
be a problem for these children in school.
Rapid speech
Impulsive behavior
Competitiveness
Compulsive talking
Compulsive organizing
Nervous habits and tics
Preference for fast action and sports
Physical expression of emotions
Sleeplessness
Sensual
Children with a dominant sensual overexcitability can get sick from the
smell of certain foods or, as toddlers, will hate to walk on grass in their
bare feet. The pleasure they get from the tastes and textures of some foods
may cause them to overeat.
If your child has sensual overexcitability, you may notice several of these
traits:
Intellectual
Deep curiosity
Love of knowledge and learning
Love of problem-solving
Avid reading
Asking of probing questions
Theoretical thinking
Analytical thinking
Independent thinking
Concentration, ability to maintain intellectual effort
Imaginational
The primary sign of this intensity is the free play of the imagination. Their
vivid imaginations can cause them to visualize the worst possibility in any
situation. It can keep them from taking chances or getting involved in new
situations. You may notice that your child exhibits:
Vivid dreams
Fear of the unknown
Good sense of humor
Magical thinking
Love of poetry, music, and drama
Love of fantasy
Daydreaming
Imaginary friends
Detailed visualization
Emotional
Extremes of emotion
Anxiety
Feelings of guilt and sense of responsibility
Feelings of inadequacy and inferiority
Timidity and shyness
Loneliness
Concern for others
Heightened sense of right and wrong or injustice and hypocrisy
Strong memory of feelings
Problems adjusting to change
Depression
Need for security
Physical response to emotions (stomach aches caused by anxiety, for
example)
Wrapping Up
You can get a better understanding of your gifted child if you recognize
their intensities. This understanding can help you to become a more
effective and supportive parent. For example, if your child is emotionally
intense, you know that she will have a tough time "just ignoring" teasing or
bullying. She may need extra help in managing her reactions to hurtful
behavior in others.
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Children with this OE have the capacity for great emotional depth. They
develop strong attachments to people, places, and things. Because of their
emotional intensity, they are often accused of over-reacting or being
melodramatic. However, the emotions they feel are real. The molehills to
them are truly mountains.
Not only do these children empathize with others, but they feel a
connection to animals as well. These children may become vegetarians at a
young age because they cannot bear to eat what was once a living creature.
Children do not grow out of this sensitivity. A child with intense emotional
feelings will experience the same depth of emotion as an adult.
Those with the emotional OE can sense and perceive things that others
may miss or can't even imagine. They seem to be tuned into the world and
to others in ways that provide them with a rich depth of understanding an
appreciation. They are often sought out by friends and acquaintances for
help and advice because of the deep connections they form.
Because of their intense feelings and empathy for others, those with
emotional OE tend to form strong friendships. Their feelings for their
friends are deep and they will be among the most loyal of friends.
Those with the emotional OE are also more likely than others to be aware
of their feelings, and that awareness allows them to create deeply moving
works of art, whether it be in writing, music, acting, or art.
The Downside of the Emotional Overexcitability
While those who have the emotional super sensitivity have deep empathy
for others, they have little sympathy for themselves. They are highly self-
critical and have a deep sense of responsibility - even for things they are
not responsible for.
This self-criticism and sense of responsibility can cause anxiety, guilt, and
a feeling of being a failure. The levels of anxiety they experience can
interfere with simple tasks like home chores or even completing
homework. They can also develop psychosomatic symptoms like stomach
aches or suffer from depression.
Children with the emotional OE also have a hard time adjusting to change
and can experience high levels of anxiety when they are put in new
situations or unfamiliar surroundings. They may also be shy and slow to
participate in social activities.
Perhaps the most important thing you can do for your emotionally
sensitive child is to accept all his or her feelings, regardless of intensity.
Your first response might be to want to tell your child to stop over-reacting
or stop making mountains out of molehills. But remember, those molehills
really do seem like mountains to the highly sensitive child.
Listen to what your child has to say without passing judgment. Sometimes
your child just wants to be understood. He doesn't want a lecture or advice,
and he certainly doesn't want - or need - to feel judged. This is especially
true for little boys because they are so often expected to be less emotional
than little girls. Too often children with this OE are seen as weak,
particularly little boys. Avoid either criticizing your child for being
sensitive or protecting her from the world. Neither is helpful.
Keep in mind that emotionally intense children can become frustrated and
upset when they are not physically capable of doing what they want to do.
For example, a three-year-old might envision a beautiful work of art, but
his fine motor skills are simply not developed sufficiently to allow him to
create it. Don't tell him it's okay. For him, it's not. But do praise his efforts
and emphasize his strengths.
Don't expect your child to be a little adult. Don't expect her to have the
kind of emotional control an adult would have just because she can
sometimes think and talk like one. On the other hand, avoid letting your
child get away with inappropriate behavior because he is upset. Breaking
rules should have consequences. However, they should not be punished
simply for having intense emotions. It's not the emotional response that is
the problem; it is the negative behavior. For example, a child should not
suffer any consequences for being emotionally upset, but should for
throwing a toy at someone because he's upset.
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