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CHAPTER 1B BEWARE OF THE EXPERT WHO YELLS IN ANGER AT YOU, WHILE TEACHING
YOU TO MANAGE YOUR EMOTIONAL STATE! ............................................................................. 14
CHAPTER 8 THE TRUTH ABOUT WORRY & HOW TO OVERCOME IT! TO WORRY OR NOT TO
WORRY! ..................................................................................................................................................... 84
CHAPTER 9 WHEN YOURE A WEAK MOUSE, HANG OUT WITH THE BADDEST DOG IN TOWN
WARRIOR PHILOSOPHIES AND OVERCOMING NASTY CATS.................................................. 88
CHAPTER 11 HOW TO HAVE THE MENTAL FOCUS OF A NAVY SEAL TO GET THINGS DONE!
.................................................................................................................................................................... 105
CHAPTER 14 OVER 50 SCENARIOS COACHES FACE- AND ANSWERS TO EACH ONE!... 128
CHAPTER 15: THE NEXT STEP! WHAT SEPARATES THE TOP 3% OF COACHES FROM THE
OTHER 97%............................................................................................................................................. 207
Bonuses
Incredible Athlete Secrets Seminar!
Overcoming Fear Seminar
Jeff Janssen Interview
Players Handbook
Dedications And Thanks!
First, I wanted to once again thank my family. My mom and dad for being the
coolest two parents anyone could ask for. My brothers and sisters for kicking my butt on
the basketball court outside the house as a kid. I need to give special credit here to my
brother Pat, since I tease him the most in all of my stories. You are great (but dont tell
anyone I said that;-)
I want to thank my business mentors. Some of these guys dont know I exist, but
theyve made a major impact on allowing me to keep doing what I want to do. Dan
Kennedy, Randy Davis, Jeff Paul, Jim Fleck, John LaValle, Joe Polish, Ron LeGrande,
Niels Pedersen, Marilyn Akee, Jon Alanis, and many more. Thanks for taking the time,
when you didnt have to!
Thanks to all my coaching mentors and friends whove stuck by me all these
years. Ed McNulty, Bruce Billingsly, Charlie Sullivan, Therese Boyle, Melvin Hubbard,
Elaina Oden, Chris Meyer, Bob Heersma, Lenny, Kyle McCall, John Kessel, Peg Van-
Ward Meyer, Therese OKeefe Badali, Mom, Dave Dueser, Niels, Marilyn, Bertil
Wamelink, Gloria, and all the coaches who coached with me at Ilowa and 2nd City.
Especially Molly Schurr, Amanda Ziegwied, Melissa Kurth(you rock dude!), Katie
OKeefe, Greg Cotton, Erin Soedt, Katie Weeber, Christa, Laurie Koopman, Jane,
Special thanks to all the coaches, who answered my questionnaires, and give me
feedback! There are too many to name them all, and I would feel terrible if I missed any
names! If you ever need anything just ask.
To all the kids who are out there doing the best they can! My ultimate goal is that
this system affects your life for the better!
Finally, I dedicate this all the coaches who spend their time working extremely
hard to make others better! You make a difference, and I hope this makes a difference
for you!
How To Read This Manual
A couple things to know about this system. First, much of this was created
by me speaking to audiences, and or from answering questions that coaches and
athletes had. The reason I tell you this is because you are getting this information
directly as I would say it to you in person.
My desire here was to make this manual as realistic as personal and as
applicable as possible. Therefore, Ill use some phrasing that I use when I talk. It
may make an English teacher cringe, but its exactly how I talk in real life. There
may be some language or terms I use that may offend you. If you dont like it,
either ignore it, or Id be happy to give you your money back. But remember, this
system is not designed to be sold in the bookstore.
Its the type of product that you can only get by being behind the scenes,
in the locker room talking with the best coaches in the country. For example, in
researching for this manual I visited many locker rooms to see how they
prepared their teams. In those locker rooms, there were times where there was
more vulgarity in 5 minutes than I hear all month.
But Id look like an idiot if I stood up and asked them, to refrain from using
vulgarity just because I was there. However, if I left out some of my comments
and made it softer for your ears, then I would be being fake.
This system is all about being real, and giving you information that is not
theoretical, but applicable.
My suggestion is to read this with an open mind, and feel free to disagree
with as much as youd like. But whatever you do agree with, I would recommend
implementing as much as possible, as quickly as possible.
The other strategy would be to read the whole manual, and then go to a
coffee shop and get a calendar out. Then mark what strategies you are going to
use, at certain intervals.
Get 2 sheets of paper out and write all the challenges that you faced last
year as a coach, and write 3 ideas you are going to head those problems off
before they even occur. If you dont find any strategy for your particular problem,
email me, and Ill create some solutions for you. However, do this yourself first,
and who cares if you think you are going to be wrong. At least youll be flushing
out ideas.
Also, when you read this manual and system, Id suggest starting at the
beginning with Chapter 1. You can read the bonuses at anytime, because they
are phenomenal supplements to the system. Make notes, grab a high-lighter.
Talk about some of these concepts with some of your fellow coaches. Play
devils advocate. Play both sides. Whatever, but get your brain thinking in new
ways.
Most importantly, have fun with this system!
Start With Yourself!
From their inspiration and encouragement, I would then have been able
to better my country and, who knows, I may have even changed the
world.
Anonymous
One of the keys that I started off with a few years ago when I started
teaching this information and even for my own life was finding out that my
emotional state was the driving force to everything I did. Whether it was with my
in anything. And one of the things is that you can learn ten times faster than
probably most people if you know how to manage your state and you learn
Now one of the things that- I mean, havent you ever had a situation where
you said something, you did something, you acted in certain ways that was totally
out of character for you? And when you looked back on it you were like, Geez,
who was that person who did that? Or, gosh I wasnt even thinking, I felt like such
Well wouldnt you agree that during those times, the reason you acted in
emotional state, and so you acted based on your emotion rather than thinking
Okay, so if thats true then you can begin to see how this affects your
coach where you were just on man, I mean, you knew everything that was going
on, you just were sharp, the answers were flowing, things went well and, you
know, everything was just smooth?
Now cant you also remember times where you were upset about
something, life wasnt going great, or someone said something, or something
happened and you were just the opposite. So flustered, so upset that everything
seemed narrower, you couldnt think as fast, your responses to situations were
poor and your advice to whomever or yourself or the team was worse and was
not as effective. And you guys probably lost or didnt do as well because of it?
And one of the things that I want to tell you now is, you (as a coach)
into your team is so transferable. Your kids will feel it and theyll actually, they try
to take on the character of their coaches. For example, you can look at any team
and if you look on the team and youve got athletes who are wild, sporadic and
get upset and flustered easily. You can most likely look at their coach and see
the same types of behaviors, most of the time, not always but most of the time.
And then if you see a team thats confident, cool, calm and collected and
they, you know, get tougher when tough times happen, you can probably look at
the coach, again, and go, Oh, well this makes sense because, you know, look at
Where To Begin!
that the most important thing to begin with is emotional state when youre
Emotional state is probably the quickest way to turn a struggling team, into
strategies that are causing these unresourceful states. Also, I want to know if
preventing them from accessing their positive, powerful emotional states and
best thinking.
See, the way the brain works is that it deletes so much information for
people to remain sane, that it will ignore positive past performances if the last few
losses were really bad. Then a person or a team will go into a slump, and the
negative cycle begins. So, when I tell you that I can turn around a team or
All I need to do, and youll learn how to do in this system, is assist your
athletes in finding the resources they need to perform at a high level. Because
most of the time, when teams go into slumps its really simple, actually, to get
Just so you really get this. All theyve done is, theyve had a few past
and whats happened is theyve generalized that feeling that they had of not
So, theyll start saying things like, Oh, we always suck or we always
struggle.
Well you can take a same confident team whos doing well and they do
the same thing. They project and generalize their positive resources into the
past and into the future. And so theyll say things like, Oh, we always play
tough. We always get better as we go. And theyll say comments like that so
Now while their language reflects their confidence (or lack there of), the
language also creates their confidence. So its kind of a loop there. (Actually,
Maxwell Maltz called this the Cybernetic Loop.)
And then, you know, what else happens to a team who, their emotional
state is theyre feeling good and they had a couple good positive things happen,
the next thing that happens is or a simultaneous thing that happens is their
For example, you see them walking around, they have a certain presence
about them, dont they? You know, they walk differently, they talk differently,
You know, the best model of this is Michael Jordan. I mean, geez louise,
watch this guy. Hes unbelievable! When he is on and just the way he carries
himself is unbelievable. Like hell be sick, but he knows how to manage his
Well a team whos slumping, their physiology and language reflects their
Then the last thing is what? Well, you know, the team whos feeling good
and confident and the emotional state is positive, their visualization and their
So the team that feels good has positive images, of positive outcomes, of
excellent performances. A team that feels bad has negative images, poor out
Now, this whole program is developed so that you can get tools to start
some of the exercises in here are designed to help you interrupt that thought
Now one of the best ways to interrupt your teams emotional state and
behavior is by changing any of those things or all three of them at the same time-
physiology, language and images.
One of the first steps is just, you know, getting your kids aware that theyre
running negative images. I mean, I can talk to a kid and hell be like, Yeah, Im
And I go, Oh, you mean, so you walk around with confidence, you say
positive things to yourself and you have a positive expectation of the end result?
And Ill go, Oh, so are you like saying that you are inside your head
saying how much you suck and how bad you are and how things arent good and
you have a negative outlook about how youre going to perform, and then you
walk around with your shoulders shrugged, you barely breathe. Then the
moment you make a mistake you put your head down, and then you say to
yourself Im no good and I should be taken out of the game And then you get
taken out of the game and then everything you thought about was a self-fulling
Because everyone does the same way of how to get into a slump. Thats
Now what Im trying to show you though, is all of those things relate to
emotional state. And then if you get people who feel bad more often they create
a pattern of feeling bad. They get in a losers habit, like they have a loser inner
dialogue, loser images, loser physiology and then this is what gets effected
And their beliefs about whats capable for them and what they can do is
affected. They dont think they can do as well. Theyll go up against a team that
they usually can compete well against, but theyll have a self-fulfilling prophecy
so theyll defeat themselves before they even start.
And, you know, those are all not great things, because people are better
than that, they have more resources than that. They just havent been able to
access them because their emotional state limits the way their brain accesses
information.
Then, also one of the worst things is, hopefully this doesnt happen, but
whats very possible is they have an identity of a loser. They start saying things
And then the thing is is that when you meet people who have that kind of
outlook on things, their emotional state, their language, their thoughts, their
behavior all reflect that belief about themselves and their behaviors.
Now, since human beings, you and I will do anything to get away from
pain and anything to go towards pleasure, a lot of times these athletes will either
quit or resign from the fact that they have a chance to win more quickly.
So theyll hope that they lose quicker or theyll hope that someone else
makes a mistake or theyll hope that it just gets over and theyre not willing to
back and change the emotional state. Or, create new internal strategies for
something else is that this emotional state that were talking about and the belief
systems and identity and all those things, what happens is those things transfer
So, that if you create a positive belief system, positive emotional states,
people like to be there, people are working hard, you create a team belief and a
However, the opposite is totally true. That if you have a team of people
who arent used to competing or arent use to using failure as just a springboard
into getting more success and arent used to bouncing back from challenges, well
And one of the things that youve got to look at as a coach is What are
your own beliefs about whats capable for you personally as a coach? And then,
secondly, what do you expect from your athletes and are those two things in
alignment?
Because if youre a coach who doesnt have a winning attitude, does not
have a winning spirit, does not have a winning drive and one that wants to build
confidence in your kids. Someone who wants to create a program where these
kids are strong and powerful and will go on to do great things throughout their
whole life. If youre not those things, then you need to make some evaluations
And if you do, then youre in the right place. If you dont, well then whats
your purpose of coaching? I mean, you know, youre going to win some, youre
going to lose some, but ultimately, man, fifty years down the road when youre
sitting at your bedside and their talking about, you know, what did you do to
succeed as a coach?
successful as they possibly can be, and feel good about themselves and make a
Now thats kind of a big life purpose statement there, but one of the things
that Im hoping to do through this program and my other systems, is to make your
life and then your athletes lives a little bit more richer. A little bit more fuller, a
little bit more fun, because youre going to learn some killer, kick butt strategies.
Winning is a by-product of all these strategies and one of the things that I
love seeing are two competitive teams going at it. The only thing I love more in
And so, you know, I love to win more than lose, and I do win a lot more
than I lose. But, do you know what? What I love more is when those kids, those
athletes walk off the floor or court or field and Ive made a positive difference in
their lives.
The reason I bring this up is, because I know so many athletes who had a
great season, who had a great year, had a great career all the way through high
school or college. And now theyre in the real world and they dont know how to
cope with reality, they dont have the strategies to make themselves better, to
make them realize that they can do whatever they put their mind to. And these
strategies in this book, if you want to teach your athletes, can enrich their lives
and give them the opportunities that most coaches cant do for their kids. Giving
your players life strategies for success, happiness, and reason for personal
The most important skill, in my mind, to enjoying your life and achieving
whatever it is you want, is learning how master your own emotional state. As a
coach, you have a huge responsibility, because you need to make decisions for a
lot of people and these people depend on you.
Now, the truth is, we need to make decisions quickly, confidently, and with
certainty, even if we dont feel any of those things. If we are wrong, we need to
adjust faster than everyone else and move on to the next decision.
Here is the funniest thing: Most teams mirror the personality and attitude
of their coach. Wouldnt you agree with that?
So what that means is that if you are high strung, have a poor strategy for
handling criticism, tough situations, and pressure, then your team will probably
do those same things.
Your team in some way is like a bunch of little kids, for some of you they literally
are, and they are looking for ways to talk to the officials, handle mistakes. What
to do after Victory! What to do after Defeat! Etc. Etc..
Now, personally, I like that. I like when they are looking at me, because I am
confident enough that I will behave with confidence, self-respect, and show
respect to the other team- Even if I dont feel like it.
So, here are a couple keys of becoming a master of your emotional state.
Like everything else in this system. I hope you look at it from 2 perspectives. How
you can first apply it to yourself, and then secondly how you will apply it to your
team!
Here it is!
The first way to master your focus is by managing your physiology.
Physiology is a big word for body posture and/or the nutrients you put in your
body. Im not going to talk about nutrition in this book, but its obvious that a
person who is not dehydrated and takes care of his body is more likely to be
more effective his body is fueled up and ready to go.
If I have negative thoughts my body will slouch over and I will feel bad.
For example, if you were depressed how would you be sitting or standing?
Where would your head be tilted up or slightly down?
Would your shoulders be shrugged or up and back? Would your breathing be full
and vibrant or dull and shallow?
How were we able to answer all of these questions? Because there is no secret
to what knowing what depressed looks like. We recognize the emotion because
weve all been there before. The real secret is recognizing the fact that we can
control how we want to feel using our physiology.
Lets look at the other side of emotions. If you were feeling successful, how
would you be standing? Where would your head and shoulders be? How would
your breathing be if you were totally and absolutely certain that you were going to
be successful? How would your physiology be if you were extremely confident
and persistent?
Your head would be up, shoulders back, your breathing would be vibrant and
healthy, and your movements would be made with purpose and certainty. Most
likely you would move more quickly. The key is noticing how you move and the
message you are sending across.
You are recognizing clues to your emotions. Having confidence is a skill in itself.
Being happy is a skill in itself and so is being depressed, upset, or angry. You
have to do certain things with your physiology, your language, your images, and
your beliefs about certain situations in order to fully feel a certain emotion.
So, your teams first step is: becoming Aware of their physiology and the fact
they are in control of their own emotions!
If I do this long enough and often enough, my system will get conditioned
to automatically being in an emotional state of confidence.
This is an emotional state that is consistent with the results that I want to attain.
Once you condition this feeling and focus into your body, then you wont have to
continually think about it. You will be confident, and your body/neurology will
become accustomed to being in this emotional state. On the flip side, people who
constant experience fear do the same thing they end up with different results.
Real Life Principle #224: Fearful people move their bodies differently than
confident people.
Their breathing is shallower. They say things to themselves that make them even
more afraid. They visualize themselves failing and wonder what will happen
when they do. The sad thing about this type of athlete is that they establish a
repeated pattern of behavior: see tough competition become afraid. This
behavior becomes conditioned.
These types of athletes may compete well and appear to be true competitors
against weaker opponents, but when they face a tough opponent, they get hurt,
make excuses, and often quit.
Why does that person perform at a high level against weaker teams, but
then struggle against tougher competition?
There are many reasons their focus, their beliefs about what they think will
happen and how they perform, their self-talk and language, the questions they
ask themselves, how they imagine the game, and often what physiology they put
themselves in!
The first thing to change is your physiology. Practice this change by thinking of
something you fear. Then notice details how are you standing, breathing,
where is your head, how did you position your shoulders, what are you doing with
your hands?
Some people put their arms close to their side and rub their thumb and index
finger together. Their faces become firm and rigid.
Put your shoulders back, head up, look up at the ceiling, put a smile on your
face, stand balanced, take a deep breath, shake your body whatever it takes.
Try it again.
Do you see how once you change your physiology your feelings instantly shift? If
theyve only shifted slightly, put a bigger smile on your face and hold your head
up!
We just practiced a dramatic shift in physiology. The truth is you dont need to
shift that much every time. By simply looking up, your feelings may shift. When
your eyes access that part of your brain, your body cannot access negative
feelings.
Also, when you move your shoulders or take a deep breath, your
body/physiology sends new messages to the brain about how you want to feel.
You can do this with any emotion. Over time, you may find that you no longer
experience old emotions that you initially wanted to change.
Teach this concept to them the way you understand it. When I do
workshops with teams, Ill give them the exercise to write out when they
are to use these focusing and mental toughness strategies.
Its always so ironic, that they all say something similar to:
When I shank a pass, I can then put my shoulders back
When I say something negative to myself
When kick goes to far .
After I strike out
After I lost the race, and I need to get ready for the next one!
When I am tired.
When I am angry, sad, mad, depressed, etc.
While these are great places to use them, and your players must use them then,
or theyll be in trouble. However, what do you notice all these places have in
common?
The best time to use these skills is before any of this stuff happens.
Because it will then prevent a lot of unnecessary headaches, mistakes,
unresourceful, emotions, and since your performance level is directly related to
the emotional state that you are in any given moment, then this is the #1 KEY
FOR PEAK PERFORMANCE!
Yes, you can use this to correct how you respond to any event. Be creative!
Here is the Swish Exercise
Step 2. Take one step either to the side or back from the spot on the floor where
you felt confident. Think now of a time where you started to go into an
unresourceful emotional state.
Step 3. Leave both spots on the floor and shake your body out, so your feelings
are neutral.
Step 4. You are going to step into the spot of the unresourceful state.
Once you begin to feel the negative emotional state, step back into the
resourceful state, change your physiology, take a deep breath, and say aloud (or
inside your head), YES!
Put a smile on your face and really get those powerful feelings back! Redo the
exercise 10-15 times, every time spending less time in the unresourceful state.
Step 5. Step to the resourceful state spot and imagine yourself in a similar
situation where you used to feel unresourceful. This time see yourself with the
new resources, physiology, and feelings, performing at your best!
Heres a replay of what weve done: (1) Think of the unresourceful state. Really
feel those feelings.
(2) Move and GO. Step out, change your physiology, take a deep breath, put a
smile on your face and mentally say, Yes! Notice how you changed how you
feel.
(3) Shake out.
(4) Change from unresourceful to resourceful. Yes!
(5) Envision future situations.
Step 6: Turn to the spot where you used to feel unresourceful and say aloud,
Over there I used to feel unresourceful {or the emotion you used to feel, like
afraid.}
Over there I used to be afraid! Then step into that spot, maintaining your
powerful physiology, put a smile on your face and say aloud in a mickey mouse
tonality, Right here I used to be afraid!
Step out of the circle and do it again. Over there I used to be afraid! Step back
in the circle and say, Right here, I used to be afraid! Step out again, and notice
when you think of the old emotion, your feeling has changed to neutral. This puts
you into a powerful emotional state you feel better!
Now you know that when you feel afraid, you can overcome the feeling and
become excited and aggressive.
Put your physiology into position, use the language, see yourself doing it,
and create the beliefs to support yourself!
In order to condition this new skill of using your physiology, write down three to
five emotions that you want change. Often these occur when you are performing
or getting ready to perform. Some examples are depression, anxiety, worry, fear,
and unbearable nervousness.
As a coach, I highly recommend doing this with yourself first then with the team.
You cannot understand this fully logically until you experience it emotionally.
Most of these strategies are emotion drive and are learned through
experience, not theory.
Its like going to a concert. People say, How was the concert? You can tell them
all about it, but they cant get the feelings you experienced, because they just
werent there!
Remember modeling what you want your athletes or child to learn is the best
way of teaching.
Chapter 2
Creating A Powerful Team Belief System!
Simply put: Beliefs are learned feelings of certainty, based on past experiences,
references, or what someone told you. For example, if you believe you are a
good coach. The only way you know that, is because you have some references
in your past that validate your belief. Someone may have told you, Youre a
good coach. You see the look on your athletes face when they learn something
from you. People pat you on the back, or you have won championships or
awards.
Do you see how you have past experiences that validate your belief?
Its been said that we have over millions of bits of information coming at us
at every moment, and our brain filters out the information so that we stay sane.
George A. Miller said that we can only take in 7 +/- 2 chunks of information at
once. Your beliefs are a major part in filtering what information you focus on, and
what information pay more attention to.
For example, dont you have players on your team who think they can
learn any skill pretty quickly, and are ready to just go for it? At the same time,
there are players on your team who may be sitting there and complaining about
how they are going to struggle at this skill or drill, arent there?
The difference is that the players who are more willing to just get after it,
and give it their best shot have different belief systems than the ones that
hesitate, find excuses, and complain. Now, there are more things that go into this
obviously. For example, a players self talk, self image, and a few other things,
but if you change some of their beliefs, youll see the others aspects change as
well.
1. Set up a positive environment where they trust you, and are willing to grow
and learn
2. Identify limiting team beliefs and individual beliefs on your team
3. Create counter-examples to their belief, so it creates a new belief
4. Create opportunities to reinforce new beliefs, and past positive ones
5. Evaluate your progress, and go back to step 1.
The first step in teaching your players how to have a positive belief in
oneself and their teammates starts with the head coach and filters down. One of
the main things the coach can control is the environment he/she sets up, and
whether its okay to make mistakes or not.
For example, one of the beliefs that you may consider adopting is
Anything worth being good at, is worth doing poorly at first. The point behind
this belief is to allow athletes to make a ton of mistakes early on, and encourage
them to do so. But you must be giving them specific, positive feedback and teach
them how to do it correctly.
Think about it this way for a moment. How many times have you been
watching one of your games and one of your players keeps making the same
mistake over and over again. However, you did not realize that he/she was
struggling that much at the skill. Why? Because most likely they havent had
enough opportunities to make these mistakes in practice, get specific positive
feedback from you, and then keep re-adjusting while they improve.
The teams who are willing to make the most mistakes early on in a
season, and believe that they can learn from them, will have a faster
improvement rate than any of their competitors. My belief is that whether you win
or lose the big match. If you teach your athletes that approach to learning, they
will have much more self confidence and be able to take that skill into any area of
their lives. Plus, your team will be more likely to win the big match with this
approach than with any other.
Back to Beliefs
If the environment is set up so that your team makes mistakes fast, learns
from them faster, and adjusts quicker than any other team, then the beliefs they
will have are:
I can learn very fast
I can correct my mistakes and improve quickly
I enjoy learning and practice is fun
My coach believes in my and I trust him/her
We are learning and growing faster than any other team in our
conference
And much more
If the answer to all these things are yes, then congratulations. You are
doing a lot of great things. If not, then you may consider asking yourself what
kind of beliefs you want your players to have, and then look at the environment,
as just one way of influencing your players behavior and performance.
Quick Hits:
1. Upbeat Music- this can work to change the pace of the daily grind, and
get people excited to practice. You can use this during practice or
before while your team is dressing or warming up.
2. Postive Languaging- Ill talk more about this later, but phrasing things
to your players about what want them to do, rather than so much on
what you dont want the to do. This keeps their energy focused on
proper execution, rather than worrying about making mistakes.
3. Team talks- every once in a while, share some stories with your team.
Think about where they are at, developmentally and emotionally, and
tell them stories of either yourself or someone else, and put in some of
the lessons you want them to understand. You may tell them the
lesson directly, or let the story sit in their heads, and allow the answer
to come to them when the time is right.
4. Speak only highly of your players to the general public. Never put
down, rip on, or criticize any of your players in front of people. When
speaking about a players limitation, attitude, or ability in a negative
way, it should only be done in the confines of your coaching staff. Or
directly to that person.
When being told directly to that person, I would recommend either
asking questions that allow them to come up with the answers or
gaining their permission to be straight-forward with them.
Individual Belief Systems!
All a collectively powerful belief system is, is a make up of many
individuals who have a positive self belief, and a positive trust in their teammates.
Here are 2 different types of beliefs that your players have.
Can changing some of your beliefs about your performance make the difference
from where you are now to where you want to be? Absolutely!
So, heres the deal. If you want to have your team beat opponents that are bigger
and stronger, then the first step is getting them to believe that it is possible.
In your program you may want to create powerful beliefs in two areas.
First is your teams own personal belief about what they expect of themselves.
Athletes who expect the best are most likely to get the best. Athletes who expect
to fail will fail more often.
Hasnt it happened many times to you, where your team is playing a physically
bigger team, and they absolutely cant do anything, until they are already behind
in the game? Then your team plays excellent for the rest of the game. Say you
lose, your players will say things like, Next time, well play a lot tougher from the
beginning. We now believe we can do it
For example, this past Nationals, my team opened up against Puerto Rico
the defending National Champions. I knew that we could beat them, because we
were physically stronger, but theyre experience level is incredible for such young
players. Plus, they play a different game than american style volleyball.
Well, we won the match in two games, and it was an exciting win for us.
What was great about winning that match was that it was my first time beating
the Puerto Rican team (Coqui). So, I my record was 1-1 against that club. But
this really helped out the following tournament when I was coaching my 16 &
unders, and we opened against them, lost. But later in a playoff, to see who
makes the top 12, we beat them.
Much of this had to do with my belief system, and that of the girls.
Ed, but what do you do if you havent beaten a top team before?
Great question! Part of it, is just making it up in your head. Then replay
that event over and over and over again. See what strategies you would use to
beat these type of teams. How would you need to train your kids? What
scenarios do you need to create? Who do you need to get to help you prepare
your team? Bigger faster people in the off season to scrimmage them?
To beat bigger, better, more experienced teams you need to look at a few things.
One of the best examples of this is in Brazilian Ju-Jitsu. This became popular,
because in the UFC (Ultimate Fighting Championships) Royce Gracie, beat a
guy that weighed twice what Royce weighed, and was a lot more powerful.
However, if you ever get a chance to watch an excellent Ju-Jitsu fighter, they
can flow with their opponents energy and use it against them to knock them
out.
What it goes back to though, is that in martial arts, youll see a smaller guy
with phenomenal technique and guts, beat bigger, stronger, and more
powerful guys all the time. Your job as a coach is to look for the weaknesses
or create them in your opponent. Most importantly, believing that you can find
or create those weaknesses.
2. Speed- If this team is faster than you, what do you do? In Volleyball,
you can Serve Zone 5 or short to take the middle blockers out of the
play, and then double block the outside to trap the outside hitter?
In other sports, you then design your offensive and defensive gameplan to
counter act it, by taking the team out of their game. Containing their offense,
and maybe slowing down your offense so they cant get in any rhythm.
Something I just read in Pat Rileys book, The Winner Within, which is
awesome. Is he talked about creating a Mission for your team. A mission that
is worth standing up for. Worth having the guts to take criticism for. Worth
laying your name and your reputation on the line for.
In order for you to beat more talented teams, you as the coach, must make a
statement of undoubted belief that your team can pull this off. And then give
them reasons why they can. Youll be amazed at what kind of energy and
untapped potential may be sitting in each on of your kids that is just waiting to
be given permission to be released!
One thing that I recommend is if you have access to better athletes than your
own, or older more experienced athletes, find ways to get them playing
against your teams.
Also, when you run practices, make sure you are speeding the tempo up past
what your team will see in games, because they will learn how to react to that
speed, and it will allow things in games to seem a lot more natural when
playing tough competition!
5. Strategy- Study, study, study. Read everything possible on strategies
of your sport. Be a master of ideas, and work the different strategies in
practice. Then make full decisions to work a strategy and have the guts
to know that you may fail. However, you will also send your team into
competition with a specific plan.
Also, train your team to switch strategies throughout the game. The
team that can adjust fastest will most likely win or have the best
chance of winning.
How you do this, is to look at all the things above, and ask yourself,
How would we respond if we were playing a team that was bigger than us?
Smaller than us? More experienced? Had better fundamentals?
Then in practice over time, you can subtly or quickly start implementing
strategies to counter-act each type of scenario.
Belief #2 Having a Positive belief about your own self-image, and how you
identify yourself. I have met excellent athletes who think they are losers, though
everyone else views them as talented, gifted, and inspiring.
Your beliefs are the filters to your world. They are part of the equation that
creates your reality of what it is true for you. For example, if you are a coach,
havent you had athletes who you believed in more than they believed in
themselves? You probably saw potential in them that they didnt allow
themselves to see.
As an athlete or coach , I challenge you to begin daydreaming about how good
you are now.
The best athletes, business people, coaches, and the most successful people
look at life differently than the norm that is why they are not the norm.
They see things that others dont, because they are willing to look at what
limitations or opportunities for growth they currently have. They are gutsy, and
are willing to face the possibility of failure for the pursuit of something fantastic.
Ya know, I had a friend who told me a great story of how she was speaking at a
Fortune 500 company and was so nervous.
When she called up her mentor, Dottie Walters who is a super successful
speaker and business woman, and told her that she was afraid. Dotties
response was, GREAT!
If you arent scared out of your boots at least once every six months, you arent
stretching yourself enough!
So, ask yourself if you are reading this manual just to make your kids better, but
arent looking for areas for self-improvement. Most likely, if you are this far, you
are into this stuff, and continually open to new things, but I have to tell you, it
amazes me how many coaches hire me to do programs for their team, when the
real problem is with the coach.
Moving on.
Here are some beliefs that I suggest you incorporate into your life as an athlete
or coach:
Most people fail because they are waiting for others to lead. People also fail
because they are afraid of failing and they blame everything on everyone else.
They should instead lay it on the line and give it their best shot.
I think you should take responsibility because you will be able to live with yourself
a lot better and get more rewards personally and emotionally. Others will enjoy
being around you more as well.
#3 Anything is possible.
If youre going to stretch your limits, then you must put yourself in the
proper frame of mind look at things as if there are no limits. Remember that
new records are being broken every day.
This was a big race for me. Normally I really would not
enjoy the pressure of these big races and performed at an
average level, but this time I really enjoyed the trip to
Melbourne the lead up to the race and of course the feeling
of success after my race. If you were trying to figure out
where I live because of the towns I mentioned, well Ill
tell you. I live in South Australia and I am a 19-year-old
student. I have been running for about the last 4-5 years
and have really put a lot of effort into my running and I
have made a lot of sacrifices, but the results in races just
didnt equal my training.
It puts you in the position of always having the resources to keep fighting back
and coming from behind. It doesnt matter who was winning most of the game. It
matters what the score is at the end of the game!
Creating a solid team belief in one another is critical. Heres one theory I use:
We make mistakes quickly and often, Adjust faster, and Improve faster than our
competition because of it!
Lets get rid of personal limiting beliefs that you may have. These beliefs may be
things like I am too slow, too fat, not talented enough, unable to hit as hard as
him or her, incapable of making the team. I dont make a difference, I always
strike out whatever else limits you.
Remember this:
I bring this belief in the picture, because many athletes and coaches
attach value to a person based on their performance. For example, if I am a
baseball pitcher, and I walk 5 batters in a row. As a pitcher, I may say, I am a
terrible pitcher.
However, that is not true. All that has occurred is I threw more bad pitches
than good pitches, and my pitching struggled today. But the worse thing an
athlete could do here, is generalize a 1 or 2 time type performance to all areas of
their past and future.
Also, as a coach, you need to find ways to give feedback based on the
players performance of the skills, and be specific. So if you were the coach of the
baseball pitcher who was struggling, you wouldnt say, Man, Eddie, you sure
suck as a pitcher.
What may work more effectively is, Eddie, it seemed liked you werent
following through all the way. Well work on it, and get you back rocking again.
Stay up.
Now, that may be hard to do, or easy for you, but most importantly
however you phrase it, please remember that a players performance does not
equal their value as a person.
Chapter 3
How To Break All The Rules And Win!
So, there we are talking about relationships. The questions that were
brought up were: How long do two people need to be dating before they get
engaged?
How long should they be engaged for before they get married?
How long should they be married for before they have kids?
Now, you gotta picture this scene. We are all out in the backyard sitting
around a fire drinking a few Miller Lites on a Friday night, and all of a sudden
everyone busted out their own opinions (or shall I say rules) about what was
supposed to happen. So, after fifteen minutes of arguing, and cojoling, I tried to
change the topic, and then my buddy Scott did something funny, so everyone
cooled down, and we talked about something else.
Now, I share this with you, because everyone who started arguing or
giving their own opinion had their rules about what was supposed to happen.
While that is good, these same rules, can be the things that are limiting you in
your own life in many different areas.
Anyhow, so we all have these rules about things. For example, regarding
marriage, engagement, house cleaners, renting, buying, etc. etc.. We all have
our own perspective about how things should be.
However, what I want you to look at is where you rules came from. Who
did you learn them from? Is that person credible? What qualifies that person to
tell you how to do something a certain way?
For example, if youve ever started your own business. I bet you can
remember how everyone from your parents to you neighbors cat named Fred,
came up to you and told you how to run your business.
If your are a head coach of a team, I bet you have the little tree house club
of parents who sit outside in the parking lot drinking before and after the matches
talking about what they would do with the team. Who they would start, and how
you should be running your team. (Sidenote: Im not criticizing these parents. My
players do this, and I think most of them are great people. Im just pointing out
what really goes on).
If you are a player, your friends tell you, you should be starting or playing
a certain position. Getting the ball more, or whatever other stuff theyll tell you to
stroke your ego, so you feel good, and think they are the best friends in the
whole world. However, make sure you arent confusing getting smoke blown up
your rear end for true friendship. While your in the other room, this same person
is telling the person your competing with on the team the same stuff.
This same statement goes for coaches, parents, athletes, and anyone
else who breathes.
Ed, why are you telling me all these things I may not want to hear? you
ask.
Thats right, I can sit here and tell you story after story of successful
people who created their own rules and went after their dreams when every
rational person told them that they were nuts, and shouldnt do that.
IF/Then Rules:
Many people create rules that start with the statement If and a finishing
statement of then.
If I work out, then I get stronger. (Thats a good rule to have)
If I eat too much, then Ill get fat.
He didnt look at me, so that means hes mad at me. (if/then is embedded in that
statement)
Rules Busters:
Okay, so now, you will start seeing how people create their own rules, but now
here are a few strategies for cutting through the fluff!
When you hear statements like the above statements, you need to ask questions
to get to the truth behind the fluff that they are giving you.
Statement: You should workout 5 times a week, and eat this kind of diet.
You ask: Im curious, how do you know that will work? According to whom?
Statement: If coach sits me on the bench, then that means he favors her over
you.
You can say: How do you know that? So, if you play over her then that means
he likes you better than her?
Then you can say, So, out of 100 times of playing your sport, you choked once
or twice.
Wow, thats pretty impressive considering Michael Jordan has missed over 26
last second shots that couldve won the game. Is Michael Jordan a loser? (No)
Then maybe you choking at those moments really wasnt choking, but you
becoming more experienced so that in the future youll be more likely to succeed,
wont you?
(Here I use a counter example, plus I reframe her belief around choking. Then I
future pace it. Pretty eloquent, isnt is?)
When people put rules of limitation on themselves, you can enhance their model
of the world by using the questions: What would happen if you did it anyway?
Limitations could be: I cant be aggressive I probably wont win
I wont be able to go to college on a scholarship
Boys dont like me, and would never date me
When you ask: What would happen if you did? It allows the person to go
through in their mind a series of internal representations that go pass their
challenge or limitation. This can help them instantly, because theyve never
thought about it in this way before.
Also, the process above is used to get a persons internal reality strategy, then
enhance it.
So, the first question is usually How do you know?
When assisting your athletes in changing their beliefs, you need to create
counter examples of what they think about themselves. If someone says, Im
lazy.
You may set up a scenario where the only way they can get through it, is
to display non-lazy (aggressive) behaviors, then point it out to them, through a
reward, compliment, or have another coach acknowledge it.
I mean, think about it. All your friends and colleagues have these conjured
up rules about the way things are supposed to be. Now, you can use these
questions with yourself to open up your model of the world so that you have more
options than others. Hmmmmm.. Cool thought isnt it.
Last point. Use these questions with softeners and with care. Say phrase,
Im curious or I wonder.. before you ask the question. This way people wont
feel defensive toward you.
Like my friends who were out drinking. I sometime will ask these questions
to elicit peoples rules if Im bored, however, people usually lay them out in every
other sentence they say, so practicing isnt too hard.
I recommend doing it in your head with yourself, and with your players
first. Then use your best judgement on when to use it with others. Lets face it,
some people dont really care what you or I have to say.
The difference is, we get to make up how we want to feel about what we say or
they say. Thats what I mean, when I say, Break All The Rules and Succeed!
Chapter 4: How to Gain Rapport Instantly
With Anyone, Anywhere, Anytime!
People dont care how much you know until they know how much you
care!
When dealing with players, co-coaches, and people in general , I have found
that the most important part of motivating, influencing, and leading them is to be
in rapport with them.
Rapport is gained when they feel comfortable with you, have a certain level of
trust, and respect in you.
I see so many coaches with the some of the best skills, a ton of knowledge, but
cant communicate it or do not have rapport with their players or teams.
Everyday, I get emails from coaches asking for help on how to motivate or
influence a player that they just cannot seem to get along with.
For you, you may be thinking, Well, Ed, I have rapport with most of my team and
they respect me. If that is the case, Im glad. However, I want you to think of that
1 kid on your team or the couple kids every year who you just dont seem to
connect with. With the strategies I am going to share in just a moment, I
absolutely guarantee that if used correctly, you will be able to connect and
influence every player you have on your team.
One thing I know about people is that People Like People Like Themselves!
Along the same lines, People Dont Like People That Are Not Like
Themselves!
I have a quick question for you: What is the most common way you try and gain
rapport or find out what you have in common with your players?
If you are like most people, you probably talk to them and try and find a
topic that you both can talk about, right? While that is a good strategy, the
problem with using just that one strategy is that you are limiting yourself in
a big way. Then if what you try and talk about doesnt work, havent you
ever found yourself searching for things to say?
A long time ago, there was a study that said that Words made up only 7% of
communication. Your tonality makes up 38% of whats being communicated,
while your physiology communicates 55% of your meaning.
Words 7%
Tonality 38%
Physiology 55%
Since words and how you use your words is only 7% of communication, then we
have to find other ways of gaining rapport. The key to gaining rapport with
anyone almost instantly is to do something called Matching & Mirroring
One of the best strategies when I meet people to gain rapport with
them is match and mirror. All matching and mirroring is putting matching
your body, your tonality, and using gestures that mirror the other persons.
For example, when I meet someone and they have one hand in their
pocket, they are to one side. I might walk up, and put myself in a very similar
body position. Then put my hand in my pocket.
Now, if someone is using a lot of hand gestures. Ill use similar gestures.
Also, I listen to the speed of their phrases. The volume of their phrases,
and Ill pay special attention to their tempo and the structure of their sentences.
Then when talking to them. Ill speak in almost exactly the same tonality, speed,
use the same pauses, and structure of their sentences.
A couple other quick tips. Listen closely to the types of words they use
when describing things. This will tell you whether they are a more visual,
auditory, or kinesthetic learner. Then you can use similar predicates to match
their reality.
I can go really in depth about this subject and get really specific, but the
truth is, you dont need to know every detail to use it. In fact, I think knowing too
much holds people back from taking action and using what they know.
If you simply start matching peoples body positions, and matching the way
they speak, youll notice people will feel more comfortable around you.
Then go out and practice gaining rapport with people every where you go.
OH! I almost forgot. One of the best ways to get instant rapport, is to look
at the persons breathing rate. Then slowly, covertly start breathing at the same
level. Youll see and feel instant rapport occur immediately.
Now, what if it doesnt happen exactly as planned the first time? Great!
Keep working at it.
Just recently I had a coach e-mail me about, hes having a hard time
getting his athletes to perform a certain skill effectively in game situations. And I
e-mailed him back and asked him the question of Well, you know, who are some
And he had a lot of good points. One was, he gave me a list of some
other college coaches and teams that always have good squads. So my thought
right away is, number one, my first thought is well Im going to go and see what
theyre doing.
The second thing he said, which does make a lot of sense, he said,
Well, I dont know if its so much what theyre doing with their practices and their
organization or the skill sets they teach or is let alone just talent. Natural talent,
football and one of the things that Ive been doing is watching football teams and
how they structure and set up, how they set up their practices and games and
how they prepare their players. Because one of the things that I want to know is
every single sport and every single thing a coach does thats effective in one
of the same principals apply, actually all the same principals apply almost to
every single sport. The differences you might have is whether its an individual
sport verses a team sport but thats just a dynamic principal of how you set up
and the context. But it really is transferable of preparing your athletes and
making sure that their skill sets can transfer over from practice to games, its all
Now some of the things that I want to look at right away, and this is some
things you need to look at or, you know, you can consider looking at with your
own teams is, number one, is, the first thing I look at is Are we teaching them
So thats the first thing youve got to look at with the skills and its such a
simple thing to look at is, What are the top programs or top coaches in your field
teaching their athletes that is working? And then the next question you need to
look at is is that technique, skill set that theyre teaching transferable to your
system?
Because theres a lot of things that, you know, if youre teaching a, for
defense to American women or men, you might have some challenges for the
number one reason, the physiology of these people and the make-up of their
bodies are different. So while some of those principals that you can get from the
Oriental style can transfer over, they might not be as effective because maybe
youre not utilizing the American power, strength and stuff like that that a lot of
the American women or Russian women or some of these bigger women or men
from different countries would have. Does that make sense? So thats the first
Okay, so the first thing is skill set, technique and then does the technique
fit within the context of your system. Big thing to look at there.
when their quarterback is slower, not as agile, but has a great throwing arm. If a
coach isnt flexible in changing his system, or is willing to find a different type of
quarterback, Then the whole team will struggle.
The second thing is, Are you training enough and getting enough amount
of repetitions per practice, per series of practices. So, you know, Are you
practicing enough? Are you focusing enough on that skill set that youre trying to
transfer over?
A good example is this. A football player who runs the option or runs any
kind of footwork in plays, he needs to drill set and he has to drill and go through
his footwork over and over and over again the same way a third baseman needs
to go through time after time of fielding a ground ball and throwing the ball to
second base, fielding a ground ball, throwing the ball to first, third, you know,
next question is in repetitions. Then the next questions youve got to ask yourself
is are you doing enough contextual repetitions so that youre in game like
situations.
The same environments created, the same, you know, youre not getting
it from a coach, like for a third baseman, youre not getting it from, the only time
you ever see a ball is when the coach hits a ball at you that he throws up in front
of him with a wooden bat forty feet away or ninety feet away. Thats not the best
way of learning.
The best type of stuff is if you could probably get, see Im not even a
baseball coach but, you know, just from thinking about how would I go about it, is
if you could get a pitcher and a baseball player and having a guy who can control
the ball and hit it down to third base from a live pitcher over and over and over
again, and then having him to turn the double play or tag third base or throw the
They drill and they drill and they drill and they have great drills but they do
not combine and link skill to skill. So, you know, in baseball- third base, well go
with this example again- guys looking at home, hes sitting there at third base
looking at the batter at home, watching the pitcher take the wind-up (out of his
peripheral vision), then watching the swing and watching the ball come off the bat
and then making his movement. Those are a chain of events! Maybe six or
What has to happen then is in training hes got to be able to see all those
things over and over and over again, because if you leave one part out of it well
then, you know, youre missing a step there and the brain and the body wont
And that comes back to just some of the simple processes or just the
simple basics of chunking information so that when youre teaching certain skills
You want to chunk the parts of the skill down but you also want to create a
context where they have to go through the whole process of learning them. And
if, say theres three basic parts to learning one skill, you chunk down those skills
and you teach those techniques, but then you have to put them in situations
So, for example, like in golfing or something like that, theres so many
small intricacies to doing just a regular golf swing and so what you might work
with is. Like foot position and body stance. Where your heads at. Where your
backs at, and how you bend your legs. Hand positions. How to keep one arm
straight or how to position your left arm or your right arm and also how to bring
back your club and how to bring the club forward. How to use your hips. How not
to use your hips and how to follow through.
Thats approximately eight different steps. However, one of the things that
a good instructor would do is teach chunk by chunk, but then also put them
Now like in volleyball its really simple. You start with maybe footwork,
platform and, how they use their body. And then you introduce a ball. You might
just work with footwork first, then introduce the ball, then introduce a ball so that
they pass and then they have to move. And then theyve got to see the ball,
where its coming from, then different directions. And so youre chunking all
those skills. So thats just really basic chunking stuff, and breaking down skills so
it is easy to learn.
say five or say three critical skills during a week of practice, Ill put them in some
team drills (first) where were working on all three skills simultaneously and then
I chunk backwards.
levels at once but they dont know that though. See, thats the trick, is if they
dont know that Im doing all these things than it kind of allows them to just go
through the drill and they dont realize that Eds watching every single move they
make. And then what I do is backtrack and then, do a small chunk at a time and
then lead them back up into the large drill again and then notice the difference
them do Team drills first, then back track. Havent you ever tried to explain to
your team something that you guys need to work on, and they either dont agree
or dont want to work on it? Of course you have!
Or have you ever had a player on your team disagree with the mistakes
that you see they are making, but they dont believe it. Well, this is the best
In your mind, think of the skill(s) you want to work on with your team,
and/or show that arent working. Then, you put your team, in the situations where
a certain athlete is lagging, or the whole team is. Then you set up the scenario to
expose the mistakes. So, in other words, you are setting up the team to fail(for
You can do this by telling the defense or offense, what the other team is
running. You can speed up the ball. Number of balls. Number of opponents. You
Then after you do this with the team. You can ask them, What do you all
notice is going on here? If done correctly, they should be giving you the answers
that you were going to tell them. Now, they just bought in to what the problems
are.
Now, you can either back track, and go and work on smaller chunks of the
skill. Then chunk back up later to a team drill. Or, you can just put them back in
the team drill, and this time, set them up for success.
Now, this method is great for teaching new skills too. For example, have
you ever told your team that you are going to learn a certain skill, and they all are
like Oh no! All at the same time. Well, thats because they all have certain
So, for me, if Im going to teach a certain skill that I know they arent going
to like, then I may start a drill about what they need to do. Then backtrack after
theyre already warmed up, and working hard. Then I introduce the skill. This
works brilliantly, because they cant fight you in learning this skill, they already
are.
Also, theyll enjoy your practices a lot more, because they are constantly
learning and there is never a dull moment. I got this concept from doing camps
for teenagers where wed teach them accelerated learning, memory techniques,
lifeskills, etc.. One of the things, we would do, is teach them the lessons before
they ever knew they were learning. So, they had an experience. This can be
much more.
Then after that we would tell them what they just learned. So, all the kids
would be like, Oh, no way! When learning this way, it is a lot more fun!
In other words, put your athletes through the experience of learning then,
So back to my point of- so that was just a little bit about chunking and
implementing basic learning skills, and making learning fun and exciting
up the setting in your gym or on your field of where your athletes are put into the
same emotional states that theyre going to be in, during your performances.
You can practice passing a soccer ball across the field or you can practice
catching a football, you can practice fielding ground balls all you want if youre
relaxed and having fun in a setting, you know, at practice, if you do really well in
practice.
Then the moment that the game starts and all of a sudden youre nervous,
youre tense, youre in new situations, your emotional states different. Well,
youre going to make a lot more mistakes and your brain isnt going to access all
the resources that it can during practice because of the emotional state and, you
driven then one of the things that you need to do as a coach is elicit and induce
the emotional state you want your athletes to be in and then put them through
situations.
Well a couple of things is, something that I learned a long time ago and
this was actually, I attribute this to Anson Durance who was one of the most
successful NCAA womens soccer coaches of all time. You know, he coached
Mia Hamm, North Carolina University I think four, like five or six or seven or
Anyhow, what he did and what a lot of this comes from is every single
thing he did, he kept track of the statistics of every single, almost every single
drill he did in practice. And every single drill in practice was done with the idea
that, everything had competition in mind so that, its one on one, group on group.
And his whole thing was, what he believed was that our society doesnt teach
circumstances.
Now I dont mean that in a negative way, I mean that in a great way. Being
ruthless and brutal, meaning that you go for your result and you do what youve
got to do to get your result. (Of course with integrity and ethics and all that other
crap. Thats a given here, okay, so dont even bring that up.)
athletes and you watch our US womens soccer team who won the world cup a
few years back verses China, you know, Brandy Chastain, Mia Hamm, all those
ladies, they are fierce, man, and they all wanted to be the best in everything they
do.
So one of the things you can always do if you have the resources is make
it so that everything they do theyre competing against each other. That is at least
University now, (but was back in Marycrest). He would record things we did in
practice, who would beat who and, you know, outside hitter verses outside hitter
game. And who was passing better and he had statistics on it.
So, we had a lot to compete for and it made us work our butts off every
practice. Now, thats one way to induce state in your team. You have them
Second thing is, one of the things that Ill do a lot with my teams is Ill
sometimes increase the speed to such a point that theyre almost bound to fail.
And what I mean by that is, I mean, of course I want my kids to succeed, thats
my end result.
But what I want to do is put them through a situation where they are
almost likely to fail in the drill early on. Because I want them frustrated, I want
them upset, and I want them angry at the circumstances because, wouldnt you
agree, that in competition theres going to be many times where your athletes are
sitting there at their wits end because a ref made a call, an official made a call,
you pulled them out of the game, they made a mistake, their teammate made a
mistake, the opponent said something to them, the fans are heckling them and
theyre pissed and theyre thinking, you know what, this is ridiculous, blah, blah,
blah and theyre angry, theyre upset and theyre frustrated.
So in practice Ive got to have the guts to take the risk of putting them
through those type of emotional states so that when they see them(the same
situations, and emotional states) in competition, they can respond with power
and confidence rather than, Oh no, this has never happened before. Does that
make sense?
one is everything that I do, so when I piss them off or when I frustrate them,
maybe one or two of the kids will get upset at me once in a while and thats okay
Yes, theyre going to get mad at you if you push them and expect them to
go beyond things but you have to have the guts to be a leader in that way. Now,
theres a couple things here. Number one, I never, ever, ever, ever, ever
Thats a number one rule with me. So they know that if anything, if I ever
get mad about certain things its about the behavior or the skill or the lack of
execution or something and they can improve those things.
If you ever attack someone personally, youre going to have troubles. First
of all, you shouldnt do it because thats just stupid. What will happen is their
whole belief system in you and the trust in the organization that youre trying to
build it just went out the window with that. So thats one thing. So one of the
keys here, that I went over and I want you to get this before we go any further
You can set up a context in which the stress and the frustration and the
anger happens no matter what, or just happens because of the competition level.
You could mess with the points a bit, you could create punishments if they dont
do well, you can create rewards if they do well, and those are all things that will
induce stress.
twelve-twelve going up to fifteen, were playing rally score and losers do a 100
push-ups.
Now my God, I mean, thats where you get to see whose got the guts and
whose got the cahonaes to stick in there and be like, Okay, give the ball, lets do
it!
And Ill tell you, man, most people when theyre put in a situation like that
theyll sigh and go, Oh no. Do you know what Im talking about? Theyll be
sitting there and theyll be like, Oh, this is ridiculous! What kind of crap is that
coach?
Well, you know, thats the first thing I want to see with my kids so I put
them in these situations. Which ones do that crap? You know, which ones are
sitting there going, Oh man, this isnt what I want. This is unfair?
I mean, those are the kids that, man, when the game is on the line, theyre
the ones who are bailing out on you, you know, and youve got to know that stuff.
Be like, Look John, I notice that when I put you in this situation, its
thirteen-thirteen and youve got a hundred push-ups to do if you lose, youre the
first one complaining before we even start the game. Whats up with that?
And John can start looking at his own things. He may say, Well, I dont
You know what, John, life isnt fair. So, you know, are you a competitor
or are you someone who wants rewards without the hard work and the hustle
know, rip them apart, and theyre ready to step up and run through a wall for you.
These are also the people who, say if they won fifteen-thirteen or fifteen-
twelve after that because some buster made a mistake three times in a row,
theyre the ones doing push-ups with the team who lost because they can!
Because they have the guts. Because they have the attitude of a champion.
Because theyre one of the people who say, You know what? Fine, we beat
you, but guess what? You know, were ready to rock and roll and I want to be
just as strong as you. Im not letting you get a hundred extra push-ups in.
And thats kind of the attitude that Im talking about creating and heres
some of the ways of doing it. So one of the ways is to put them in that
Second thing is increase the speed. Youve got to increase the speed,
against opponents that are much better than them. Thats one of the fastest
ways to teach young athletes how to speed up their reflexes and see real life
Real life competition, do you know what I mean? You know, one of the
best things for any kid is to, when I grew up, I grew up with my older brothers and
sisters and we would sit outside and play basketball and play sports. And then
as I grew older it was me and my sister outside playing volleyball all the time.
But so many of these kids dont have it as much, you know, if they dont come
from big families or if they dont have neighbors and stuff they dont get to play all
these things.
One of the best things you could ever do is get whatever age group, you
know, think about it, whatever age group and put them in a circumstance with
older, more experienced, smarter athletes. And what will happen is theyll have
to learn and adjust in some amazing ways just to keep up with these new
athletes and theyll learn things, be smarter players.
Chapter 6
The Ultimate Motivation Strategy!
The key to making sure with absolute certainty that your team never loses
to a team that you are much better than!
The best solution ever developed to get your players motivated, excited,
and tenacious no matter who you are playing!
Just a while back, my team was getting ready to go into a match that we
had beaten many times before. Usually as a coach, I will watch my team to make
sure that we are preparing correctly, but before this match I was working with one
of my other teams and came over just 10 minutes before we were to start our
warm-ups.
When I got over to the court, 3 of my players were standing, moving a bit,
while the rest were either lying on the ground or sitting there. Now, I dont know if
you can see what is wrong with this situation, but seeing my team like this
frustrated me more than anything.
We lost to a team that we usually beat! What was worse about this was
that this was during a National Qualifier, and made our trip to qualifying a lot
harder!
So as I was sitting there after the match, frustrated, angry, but mostly
disappointed in myself and in my team. Something hit me that I had never
thought of in such a way before.
How come I as the coach am always able to get motivated to get them warming
up, regardless of whom we are playing?
How come players can get so motivated before a tough match, but seem so lazy
before a match against weaker competition?
The end result to this is that the team has no motivation to warm up or perform at
a high level! Subconsciously they are saying things to themselves like:
I hope this is an easy game
Im tired, I hope this doesnt take too long
Itd be nice if coach puts in some of the bench players for me
on and on
(I know that all players do not do this, but enough do, to affect your team. Also,
you as a coach may say things like this)
This can cause a ton of frustration and confusion for the coaches,
because they dont understand why their team isnt excited about playing, while
causing a lot of frustration with the team because they dont play well.
So, as I was sitting there after our match and finally figured out an answer
to this problem, I told my team a few things.
First, its easy to get motivated when you play a good team because of the
emotional drive toward pleasure.
Second, when you play weaker teams, you need to have a reminder or
reference from your past that tells you, you must warm up and prepare well, or
this is going to be a long and frustrating match.
Third, the most powerful motivational method is when you have both! The
drive toward the pleasure of winning, and the drive away from the pain and
frustration of losing or performing poorly.
Step 1: As a coach you need to be able to ask yourself the right questions that
induce the emotional states you want your team in.
If you want to ask questions that drive yourself and team toward pleasure.
Here are some thoughts:
What are we going to be working on improving during this match/game?
Remember what weve been practicing, executing, the new plays? How good
will it feel when we can run 8 combination plays each game?
Think about it for a moment, what if we were able to walk on the court/field today
and hold them to only /5 points per game/ 1 goal/ 2 runs/ 40 points?
Imagine what it will be like when this is all over and we are going home, after we
just played one of our highest level games/matches against this (type of) team?
What if tonight was the night where everything weve been working started to
come together?
If you want to ask questions that drive yourself and team away from pain, which I
only use against weaker teams, or when I see no motivation in my kids.
Hey, make sure that we dont forget, if we have a poor warm-up, how
terrible/crappy it would be to walk out here and lose to this team?
Remember last time we played them, and we started off slow. It was because
we had a poor warm-up, so make sure we get out there and warm up really well!
Heres an example of a sequence that I may use if I see my team not motivated
or warming up poorly:
(Harsh tone- but in rapport)
Me: If we continue to prepare this way, what do you think is going to happen?
Them: No
Me: (My voice tone lightens up) Then what do we need to do to change this!?
They will take ownership for this, and change their behavior very quickly.
First, like every other activity or any other strategy you use in this system.
The first key is having rapport and respect from your players. This gives you the
permission to be harsher when you need to be, and usually theyll respond very
well to this.
Also, I dont use this all the time. Ill remind them of things, and sometimes
my tone will be lighter. Sometimes, I may not use it at all. Especially early in the
season, or mid season, depending if I want to really prove my point. I may let
them warm up poorly, play terrible, and then afterward have a discussion with
them on what went wrong, then how are we going to change it for the future.
Heres how I would teach this strategy.
Step 1. During the beginning of the year, teach them about how to prepare. How
to focus on what they want to happen, and how when playing weaker teams to
really focus on execution. Also, if you are having a hard time getting motivated,
teach them about using Pain as a driver.
Step 2: Allow them to fail. Thats right. Once they experience what not warming
up, and struggling feels like. That is only when they will really know and really
want to implement this strategy.
Step 3: Remind, reinforce, support, and coach. Its that simple. You as the coach
are to teach them it, and when they forget, remind them, and give them
ownership.
One of the things I noticed after we lost to the team earlier, was that I
needed to find an answer to this problem. I was pissed, and I really wanted them
to get it.
So that night, after we all ate and had a team meeting. I talked to them
about how I had two images in my mind.
One image was of us succeeding and driving this team off the court. While
the other image was that of us struggling and not playing well.
And I hated those games more than any other games. They absolutely
sucked, because we played so bad that, even if we won, no one played well.
Everyone struggled, and no one improved. It was an absolute waste of time, and
I can still remember that.
Now, I know that you can think of similar experiences. Make sure you
remember them both, and use them for yourself and your teams.
So, with step 1 of teaching this to your team. Make sure you tell them
about the different images. Find their location around you. To do that just think of
them and notice where you look, and remember those images, because they are
the key to making sure you and your team stay on the top of their game!
You can also use this strategy, by simply telling 2 stories. One of how you
played poorly, because you didnt warm-up properly, and one of when you did
warm-up properly and the success you had.
What happens when you tell stories and metaphors, is that they attach the
meaning to themselves and bring up those images naturally. Its one of the things
I do when I teach every mental skill.
That is why if you have ever been trained by me or seen me with a team,
youll notice I tell a lot of stories that may or may not seem to make much sense
to the topic.
But what Im doing is eliciting the emotional states, and internal images
that I want them to have. Then I teach them the exercise. By the time they do the
exercise, unconsciously they have gone through it once or twice.
Chapter 7: Anchoring Yourself For Success!
Its time to stop being treating like a dog, and acting like one!
In this manual, my goal is to teach you what different emotions mean, and
how to create what we in Neuro-Lingustic Programming call Anchors, so that
you can condition your mind and body to access peak performance emotional
states consistently. Now that you are ready lets begin:
Go ahead and in your mind or out-loud finish these little sayings:
Or what about the Barney song: I love you, you love me, Were a ________
Even though you may not have heard these sayings in a while, your brain
can still remember them. All these little songs or commercials are what we call
Anchors. Anytime you elicit certain emotions and attach it to something else, a
person, place, thing or the environment, you create an association.
Years ago, a psychiatrist named Pavlov put a dog on a chain and would
put a bowl of food right outside of the dogs reach. Once the dog began to
salivate, Pavlov would ring a bell. Pull the dog food away. The dog would
salivate. Then he repeated this process so many times that all Pavlov would
need to do is ring the bell and the dog would salivate. The dog created an
association to hearing the bell and linked it to salivating.
The coolest thing about this is that youll be able to see how this works in
your own life in all contexts.
Do you know someone that once you look at them, you instantly get a heavy
feeling in your stomach?
Is there a certain cologne or perfume, that when you smell it reminds you of that
special someone?
Or when you think of a certain opponent you instantly get excited, nervous,
scared, or totally confident that you will perform at your best.
In all those cases you have anchors built up at an unconscious level that
direct your focus and your emotions. Many people have heard about Pavlovs
dog, but very few people actually tell you how you can use the theory for your
benefit. My goal is to show you how to use it, so you can have an advantage over
your competition, and make your team better.
Think about all the different emotions that you experience before, during,
and after competition:
Go ahead and write them out:
Now, notice which of these emotions are negative like anger, stress, and
or anxiety. Think about for a moment, what if you were able to bypass these
energy consuming emotions and direct them more into motivation, courage,
confidence, a Go For IT! Attitude, so when you walked into your athletic arena
you were so focused on what you needed to do that you didnt have time to worry
and waste your energy in those areas.
I can here some people out there right now, saying, Well, getting stressed
is good! I get all nervous, I freak out and then I perform better! Im not saying
that a little nervousness or a little stress is bad. I know Rick Pitino says that his
personal positive stress is what moves him to be the best coach in basketball.
But the question I have to ask is this, How long do you stress, worry, or stay
nervous? and then after you experience any of those emotions. Do you fire into
an emotion of total power and confidence, or then do you find yourself hesitating,
feeling worn out, and waiting until the game gets going before you start
performing at your best? Because if you want to be a champion, and master your
emotions the thing to realize is that EVERYTHING COUNTS!
Every single moment, thought, feeling, movement. Ask yourself, are the
emotions Im feeling moving me closer to my goal or are they slowing me down?
What if you had a strategy that the moment you started to feel nervous you went
right into confidence and a GO FOR IT attitude? What if when you started to
worry, you went right into the process of being creative or curious about how you
are going to beat your opponent?
Think about it for a moment. What if it was possible to take all 100% of
your energy, and focus it on getting the results you want. Feeling the way you
want to feel so that you were faster, quicker, better at anticipating the other team
or individuals next move, even more confident, and able to lead yourself and
others to the next level.
You may be saying, Well, that is a great theory Ed, but how do you do it?
First of all the first step is managing your physiology, self-talk, and images.
And asking yourself a question that immediately changes your focus.
Most athletes usually focus on their negative past events and mistakes,
while true winners, look at their mistakes as opportunities for growth, do not put
any emotion there. This is important. There is so much to learn from the past, but
there is no need for you to go back and relive mistakes you made from the past.
In fact, in some of my audio-tapes I show you how to release unneeded negative
emotions. Once you do that you start conditioning your mind and body to operate
that way. Remember what I said earlier, you will get whatever you focus on in
life, so make sure your focusing on what you want to happen.
Step one in Anchoring yourself for success is to pick 3 emotions that you
want to feel. So for example, Three powerful emotional states that benefit
athletes are Confidence, Relaxed Persistence, and a Go For it Attitude!
Circle of Excellence
Go ahead and as you listening to this tape, go ahead and stand up, shake
your body out, and put yourself and an extremely confident physiology.
Step 1: Take a deep breath, and as you exhale remember the last time you felt
confident, and as you are doing that, Imagine that right in front of you is a circle
on the floor and there is a light that represents confidence, from the ground all
the way up coming from the circle.
So, as you are standing next to the circle go ahead and imagine that all
the confident feelings that you had back then, are going in to the circle, notice
what you said to yourself what images you saw, make the picture bigger brighter,
bring it closer.
And notice how the light in the circle is starting to speed up, and keep it going
until you can tell that the emotion you felt back then is in the
Step 2: Jump in the circle! Take a deep breath, squeeze your left fist and let all
the feeling shoot through your whole body. From your toes all the way up to your
head, and hold if for 10 seconds as you smile and enjoy this feeling.
Step 3: Now step out of the circle allowing all those feeling to stay there, as you
pick the next 2 emotions and do the same with those!
So, go ahead and pick relaxed focus, persistence, a Go For It! Attitude, or any
other emotion that you would like.
Step 4: Identify where youd like to have these emotions in the future, and put
them there.
Step back in the circle, reassociate to all the emotions. Squeeze your left fist.
Then visualize any area of your life where you would like to put these emotions.
Do this with 3-5 events, and youll notice that you start creating powerful
associations everywhere you go. If you are going to play tough competition in
their gym, do this exercise. What if you imagined yourself in tough spots during
the game? You would notice that you instantly go into the powerful state. I did
this simple exercise with DePaul Womens volleyball, and here is what some of
them said:
Friday nights game was amazing! We were on fire, beating Memphis in three.
I give you full credit for this because for the first time the girls believed in
themselves and played to not only win but to destroy the other team. Between
games two and three they were doing the chant you taught them and it was what
kept them on fire. Poor UAB is about to get he aftermath from Friday. Our girls
are "jazzed up" to play and hopefully continue this straight through to the
conference championship! Thanks again for all your help and I will sent that
letter of recommendation this week. Patti Culloton, Assistant DePaul Womens
Volleyball Coach
WE WON!!! Both Friday and Sunday!! Friday's game was so wild, the
team and the fans and the excitement all felt so right. I haven't felt like this in a
long time. You turned it around, and people that didn't think that way started too.
I feel like myself again, and I love it, I have more energy and fun!! Now staying
that way is all I ask of the team. I will not let go, that is for sure. It is my last year
to play with these girls, and I want to go out with a bang. Just to help people
see how they can change things just by how they act. You really got people to
stop and look at themselves, and to believe again.
Katie, DePaul Womens Volleyball, #14
This is just on example of what I do one I work with teams or players.
Personally, I use this technique all the time, and the results are instantaneous,
and are a lot more powerful than walking around just relying on affirmations.
So many athletes do this naturally when they are performing well, but stop
doing it when things are not going well. My personal belief is that you can
become more consistent, more powerful, more confident, and much more
effective if you take this simple exercise and do it today and over the next few
weeks consistently!
The Best thing about your past is that it is over. The second best thing
about your past is that if you had events back then, that you didnt enjoy
you can now change how you feel about it!
Chapter 8
The Truth About Worry & How to Overcome It!
To Worry Or Not To Worry!
However, there was a point in the book where the author talked about
something called the Worry Spot. This was a spot where the athlete was to go
and sit and worry about whatever he or she is supposed to worry about in life.
They were supposed to do this for a half our, then finish by thinking of
things that are pleasant in their lives. The theory was that if the athlete takes the
time to worry about
Whatever they are worried about, then eventually it wont bother them, and it
wont affect them in other areas of their life, because they took the time to worry.
He said that when the athlete is beginning to worry, but isnt in their Worry
Spot, he or she should take out a piece of paper, write down whatever they are
worried about, so that they can remind themselves to worry later. Then put the
piece of paper in their pocket and stop worrying until later!
I find this comical, because if the person has the ability to shut their
worry mechanism on and off at will. Then why not look at how they shut it off,
and teach him or her to duplicate that skill? The easiest ways to do this
consciously is to either change:
1. Your physiology- Take a deep breath, Smile, and Put your shoulders
back!
2. Your Language I can handle anything that comes my way!
3. Your Image- push it off in the distance and make the picture the size of
a stamp
4. Ask a different question: What can I do right now to make this better?
Right there I gave you 4 simple, quick, and extremely effective ways to
transforming worry into power. What the author of this book is missing, is a few
things.
He assumes that we all need to worry. And that worry should last a certain
amount of time before you can shut it off. (Hes projecting his model of the world
onto other people)
He doesnt understand the structure of how the brain works. In other
words,
If he had any good training in Neurolinguistic Programming, he would know why
the worry spot works when it does. But more importantly, he would see the
dangers of doing this worry spot exercise.
So their strategy is: See image + say something to myself that is dis-
empowering =
Have Feeling!
Wow! That is remarkable. Now, why this may work to change it, is that after
awhile, theyll get bored of sitting there feeling sorry for themselves, and now
when they think of the same image, their feeling is boredom, not worry.
However, a faster way of doing this same thing is to put yourself into a
powerful emotional state, (if you know how to anchor yourself, do so) powerful
Physiology. Remember how youve solved a similar problem in the past. Then
think of the problem at hand, and ask yourself questions that help you get
positive answers.
When you do this, you also change the association, but this way may only
Take a couple of minutes, where the other strategy could take weeks and make
things worse.
(Side note: if you have some really bad negative associations built up. Sitting
there and worrying about them will not make them better. My suggestion is to go
see a NLP Master Practitioner and have them collapse the negative anchors.
Feel free to email me, if you have questions)
If you worry and feel crappy, then try and calm yourself down by thinking
of all the lovely things in your life, and do this day after day. What do you think
can happen?
Yes! You can start linking a crappy feeling to all of the beautiful things in
your life, unless you get out of the crappy feeling first, then think of the beautiful
things.
There was Disney movie out recently about a mouse that was adopted
into a human family. Everyone loved him except the cat. The cat would try to do
anything to eat him, hurt him, and humiliate him. All the mouse could do was run
and hope the humans would save him.
Now, I tell you this because, if I was that mouse, the first thing I would do
is talk to his new human parents about getting a dog, or getting rid of that cat.
Then Id sneak out in the middle of the night to the neighbors house with some
dog snacks and find 5 or 6 of the meanest toughest dogs. Find out what they
wanted that they currently didnt have and make it so that they needed me just as
much as I needed them.
Then, I would tell them about my problem. Yes, the cat. Needless to say, it
would be taken care of. The cat would still want to hurt me, but wouldnt, because
his punishment would be so horrendous he would leave me alone. (But trust me,
Id have one eye open while sleeping.)
#1. That which you know least about can be your biggest weakness if you
dont have someone you trust who is damned good at it.
Examples: Sadly, but true, in America, anyone can try and sue anyone for
any reason. Its such a joke that any bozo with money (or not) can take
something you are doing and accuse you of something totally different.
Now, if you are reading this. Im assuming you are somewhat of a public
figure in your own little town, city, school, or club. Then youd agree that
allegations can be just as deadly as convictions.
Why this unfairly happens to coaches who are making little money, trying
to make kids better? Because
1. There have been enough coaches in the past who have acted in illegal, and
unethical ways.
2. Parents can be nuts, crazy, and totally irrational when it comes to their
daughters/sons.
3. Young athletes can completely misunderstand what you say and what you do.
4. People will accuse you of ulterior motives. If this can be perceived as
something that takes away money, scholarship opportunities, a parent may
go after you.
Now Im not trying to scare you by telling you that your simple existence
as a coach, in the 21st century, exposes you to being targeted by some nutty
parent or idiot for litigation. But to tell you that you must know the laws regarding
what is proper and what isnt. And you must have legal support in addition to the
schools or institutions.
To make this seem more real. Just recently, I had another friend that was
dealing with legal matters, and he was going to potentially end up losing a lot of
money, because he was entrusting that the matters would be settled without him
having an attorney.
Now, the people that will give you the biggest lines of crap are lawyers,
cops, therapists, and the IRS (of course not all of them, so dont email me pissed
about this statement, but in my experiences, Ive found this to be true). So, the
first thing I told him was to go out and find a kick ass lawyer whom he can trust,
and make sure he gets what he deserves.
Masters of Intimidation!
The thing that you have to realize is that the list above are the masters of
intimidation. So, the way you combat it is by getting your own team of lawyers.
These can be friends, relatives, or associates. Then network through that group.
This is where you can find someone you trust and is competent.
Then you need to have one of your friends or relatives who is a lawyer be
your private counsel so they can interpret all the legal jargon and ask the right
questions for you.
Remember, one of the most likely ways people will try and intimidate you
is by talking in their most eloquent business/law/ or tax terms. Tell them to cut the
crap and speak in English.
Now, you take this same strategy with taxes, money, technology, and any
other thing that you know little about. You deserve the best, and the biggest fear
most people have is related to just not knowing things.
For example, 2 years ago when I started on the internet. A friend of mine
got me a web designer to do my first web-site. While he was a nice guy, and very
good at what he did. He didnt understand my needs as a businessperson,
marketer, and salesperson. He criticized my ideas and what I wanted to do.
Then when talking to him, he tried talking around and above me in
computer language and crap I didnt understand.
To make a long story short, everything I wanted I eventually got. However,
I wasted a ton of time with this guy. I would get rid of him or anyone like that in a
heartbeat, if they give me that attitude. See, I now have more than 4 web
designer whom I can call and be in contact within 10 minutes. Before I didnt. Its
all about positioning!
(Disclaimer: I am not qualified to give any legal advice at all. Nothing here is to
be interpreted that way. This is just some ideas about how I go about protecting
my own personal rights, and you can choose to take them or not.)
Now that I got that over with, Ill say this too. In your sport, there are some
mean cats out there, who will try and chew you up if you they get the chance.
You need to identify these nasty cats quickly.
To position yourself properly, surround yourself with the most respected
coaches and athletes possible, who at the same time have great character. Just
because a coach is successful in wins and losses doesnt equal great character.
How to Expose A Nasty Cat!
The best way, Ive found, to expose a nasty cat, is to listen more than you
talk, and observe more than you want to be watched.
The counteraction is all dependent on what I want out of the situation and
the level of threat of the nasty cats.
Here are some Warrior Philosophies to consider:
Dr. John Latourette, also known as speedman because he can hit a guy
over 20 times in a second, once told a story of how this big guy wanted to beat
him up because he spilled on him. Now, Dr. John couldve knocked the guy out
before he blinked, but when the guy raised his arm, Dr. John yelled, No No! and
put up his arms like a coward.
Once the guy relaxed, Dr. John kicked him in the groin, and ended the
confrontation. The ended up having a beer together and apologies were made,
however, his strategy was not to go force against force, but to look as if he was
retreating, then attack very quickly.
So, know when you are in a situation when you are outnumbered, out
manned, and out matched. Retreat briefly, then come back with the troops.
(Sidenote: I thinking fighting is stupid. I am telling these stories, because the true
battles are fought with the pen and the mind. However, the same strategies are
applicable with those tools, plus you need to be aware of what is out there.
Simply, look for ways they can be applied in your own life)
How this would relate to a coaches situation is, if people were ripping on
my philosophies and I noticed I was out manned. I may go get 1 or 10 highly
respected individuals who believe in what Im doing and covertly have the two
groups cross each others path. Then bring up some topics that support myself.
However, I may also use any of the other strategies, plus the next one.
(Disclaimer: I in no way advocate fighting, hurting any other person, or doing anything
illegal. My intention here is to show the different choices people have, and simply to
educate them on an intellectual level. All people who have questions regarding the law,
self-defense laws, should consult with their attorney.)
CHAPTER 10
How to Laugh In The Face Of Criticism!
Just recently, one of the biggest news events here Chicago, besides all
the news on terrorism and the U.S. retaliation, has been about the return of
Michael Jordan. Now, Ill let you know from the start that I am a huge Jordan fan.
I dont wear his uniforms or brag about him, but do admire what he has done,
and his relentless search for being the best at everything he does.
Most importantly, I think one of the best lessons that everyone can take
from MJ is that he is not afraid to fail.
He left the sport he was best at (basketball) to go try and play baseball
where he had to get up at 5:00 am and was always the first one to the park, and
the last one to leave. In an interview he did with a famous announcer (the name
is escaping me right now), he had scabs on his hands from all the blisters he was
getting from taking so much batting practice.
He said that he was trying to make up in just a few months what these
other guys had been doing for the last 15 years or so.
The funny thing is, the whole time Michael was doing this. He was being
criticized by almost every reporter possible. While struggling to barely make it, he
finally started getting some hits and turning things around.
I might have my facts a little off on this, but when I went and saw Jordan
at the I-Max (which is awesome by the way), it said that Jordan started to hit
over 250 batting average.
That was when the baseball strike occurred, and stopped all the momentum he
had.
So, instead of waiting around for the strike to end, Michael decided to hang up
his spikes.
The next issue of Sports Illustrated read something to the affect of,
Michael Jordan Fails.
He goes to Washington, buys the worst team in the NBA and vows to turn
it around. Once again, he gets blasted by reporters in Chicago. However,
Michael goes forth and listens to his inner drummer once again.
After two years of poor basketball in Washington, Michael starts to get the
itch. Yes, ya know the itch you get when you are doing exactly what you love to
do?
That feeling in your gut when you do it well, and there are some moments
where you do it so perfectly that you can even amaze yourself!
He starts training in Chicago with some of the best NBA players, and
reports say at first he was losing over 75% of the games he was in. But Michael
kept pushing on.
He breaks 2 ribs a few months ago, and the newspapers come out to say
how hes too old and this is going to be embarrassing and ruin his legacy.
After recovering, he comes back and now reports are saying that hes
winning over 75% of the games hes playing with these other NBA stars. A
couple close reporters said that it is obvious that Jordan is still the best player on
the court.
Thats no surprise to me. And it wasnt any surprise to me a few weeks later
when he announced that he was coming back. And then it wasnt a surprise to
me, that most of the reporters would once again blast him.
In all the commentaries or letters to the editor, they only printed the letters
from bitter Chicagoans who thought MJ was embarrassing himself, or was too
old, or whatever other excuse they could find.
First, the truth is that most of these reporters are exactly that reporters.
They report what others are doing with their lives. While I think that some are
doing awesome work, and are great at what they do. The others have no clue as
to what it is like to go out there and risk failure day after day, for the possibility to
know what it feels like when you really achieve
Sure their news story can bomb. Like they often do, but no one is going to
write about them and how they screwed up again. People just wont read them.
Then there are the people who write in to criticize Michael. They say
things like He should leave his legacy alone. He is too old. Blah, blah, blah.
These people need to get a life. Think about it. They are writing letters to
people they dont know, about someone who could care less, so that complete
strangers can listen to their opinions that have no expertise behind them or
validity. (And you know that old saying about opinions, dont you)
Anyhow, you may be thinking, Ed, why are you so excited or pissed about this
topic?
Well, the thing is, that people who know what it feels like to lay your butt
on the line, risk big time failure and humiliation, in order to go for their dreams,
would never criticize another for it.
Even if they disagreed with what they were doing, they would have an
admiration for their guts and action oriented lifestyle.
Ya see, the thing is, if you are a coach, athlete, or parent that is doing
something special. Doing something that gets noticed. Like having a really good
team, playing really well, so that people come and see you, you will get criticized!
You will get criticized for the stupidest things, by the stupidest, most
ignorant people. They will talk behind your back. Tell others what you are doing
wrong.
They may even have the guts to come up to you and tell you what you are
doing wrong, because they read one book from the library from 1972 that said
something about the strategy of your sport (thats my smart-alek way of teasing
them about how they qualify themselves as an expert).
The list of the reasons people will criticize you for as a coach or athlete is
unlimited.
Sound discouraging?
If so, theres hope. First, for you to go to the level of whatever it is that you want
in your life, you must get an attitude that bullet proof to criticism. I know too many
people who let what others think about them affect how they behave. What they
do, and what goals they set out for.
In other words, these people allow the world to dictate what they should
think, feel, and act. If you step back and think about this, you would see how
stupid this really is (the behavior not the person).
The thing is that in most associations or learning systems they tell you that
feedback is the breakfast of champions. And while I agree that it is, you must
really take a good look at who you are getting your feedback from!
Like I said, everyone has an opinion, you just need to figure out whose,
you want to listen to. For me, thats why I have my mastermind club, and many
mentors who are experts in their respected fields.
If its an image or mini-movie, Ill bet you are in the movie. The first thing
you need to do is pop out of the image, turn the movie black and white, hear the
sounds in mickey mouse voices and run the image backwards.
Or make the person criticizing you super small, and then in your mind you can
throw tomatoes on their head or whatever creative thing that is funny to you.
Finally, the most important thing you can ever do to conquer criticism is to
keep taking action, and get rid of the people who criticize you. Just simply get rid
of them.
For example, for every 15 thank you from coaches, athletes or parents
from having this website, selling my products, or consulting I do, Ill get 1 or 2
people email me who are mad that Im selling stuff, and making a living by
providing cutting edge information to thousands of people.
Since I follow my own advice, the last two people who did this, were
immediately removed from my list without a second thought. If they try and get on
my list again, I will delete their names, immediately.
Ya see, this may seem harsh, but my information, attitude, and method of
teaching is for people who really want to support, to make improvements, or who
want to give themselves or their teams better chances to be their best. If they do
these things winning and the fun of the game will take care of itself.
So, to you my friend, I challenge you to either keep moving forward in the
direction of your goals bullet proof to criticism. Or if you are someone who has let
criticism stomp you down, wipe off the dust, and get going. Its never too early or
late to learn this skill.
You develop courage by acting courageously
whenever you feel like acting otherwise!
Brian Tracy
So, two days ago, when I interviewed my good famous friend, Rita
Emmett, author of The Procastinators Handbook, Mastering the Art of Doing It
Now. I thought about how each one of us need to look at what is most important
to us. What is it that we need to get done? By when? Then get going on it?
Now, you may be thinking, Ed, This has nothing to do with Navy Seals or
Special Op units.
Well, I might be in a my own fairy tale land here, but my life is my movie,
and since Im directing it, this is my analogy.
So, as Rita was telling me of all these great secrets, she started to get
into, what she calls, Thirteen Hypocritical Time-Wasting Games.
#4. Talking with visitors that are unexpected and are unimportant!
When talking with someone, ask yourself,
Does this conversation have purpose?
Is this conversation bringing me closer to my goals?
If the answer to those two conversation is No, then you either make it
purposeful, or excuse yourself and move on.
That may seem crude, but heres the deal. The most important assets a
person has is their time, health, and mental brain power. With those 3 things, you
can create almost anything you want. So, if you should protect anything with all
your power, it should be these 3 things.
One simple way, is to start creating a clutter free life. Which is Time
wasting game #1: Shuffling through the same papers or clutter over and over.
Now, Im totally guilty about his, and that is why I share it with you,
because Im working on changing it. Rita told me that the average person spends
over a few hundred hours a year looking through papers and clutter for stuff. That
is over a week of your time that is wasted!
Just changing that one thing would make a huge difference. But there are
so many strategies. The one I like best is taking one task at a time, setting a
time, and then working for the allotted time focused on that one thing. Boy oh boy
that helped me.
#3: Having long chatty phone conversations that arent important to you.
Notice who you are talking to, and you should be asking yourself, What is the
purpose of our conversation? Get to it, and get on.
One of the secrets Rita shares in the interview I did with her, is that the
moment you pick up the phone, you let the other person know that you only have
a few minutes.
#5: Surfing the web. Unless you are visiting one of my sites, you shouldnt
be wasting time on the web. Just kidding!!! Just make sure that you have a
reason behind what you are doing when trying to be productive.
#6: Attending Unnecessary Meetings! Lets get together and talk about the
same crap we talked about 10 days ago. Thats how most meetings are, and
most of the time a good portion of the meeting doesnt require everyones
presence.
When I ran camps during the summer, I would have a staff of over 20
people. We would have a schedule that we would run through in each meeting. If
people had something for the whole group, they would share. If it was a question,
or a comment that was specific to just them, and one other person could answer
it, they would say, Ed, can I front porch you?
Which meant that, after the meeting we would discuss the topic. If it
involved just 3 of us. That person would ask to see just the 3 of us on the front
porch
By the way, there is no literal front porch. Just a figure of speech.
#10: Saying yes, when you should say no. Give yourself permission to say
no, and feel good about it.
#11: Pushing yourself when you are too tired to function well. Many
people dont exercise, eat properly, or have a balanced life, because they think
more hours in the office is better. However, if you take care of yourself, and
maximize your productive hours with work, then workout when your mind power
is low, you can get more done in the office in less time, and take care of your
body all at the same time.
#12: Doing things that dont need to be done (or someone else can do
them).
Look at every single thing that you do. From checking your email, warming up
your team, working out your team, mailing letters, returning phone calls, to
setting up meetings. Then ask yourself, Do I, personally, need to be doing all
these task?
Some you will say yes to, but Ill bet that you are doing a ton of work that
you can easily have your assistant, intern, or someone else do.
If you want to have a more balanced life, and more free time. This skill is
the most important skill: Knowing your own strengths, doing them in an excellent
fashion, then delegating the rest to others.
#13: Doing an excessive amount of preparation. Nothing gets done until
action takes place. Ready Aim-Fire-Fire-Fire. The faster you do this, the quicker
youll get feedback on what you need to change.
To end this chapter, here are a 7 of 21 success secrets of Self-Made
Millionaires, by Brian Tracy:
Rewrite Your Goals Everyday!
Pick your top 3 goals. Rewrite them everyday, and focus on one task at a
time until you accomplish that task. Once you accomplish the goal, write another
one.
So, to end this chapter, Id like to invite you to check out Ritas site at
http://www.ritaemmett.com . I make no money off sending you there, even
though I wouldnt feel ashamed if I did. She has a great book, and if you are
looking for ways to enhance your productivity and stop procrastinating, its a
great book. Shes sold over 81,000 of them. So if your looking for proof there you
go.
Being Persistent!
Having Purpose!
I was calling to ask him a few questions to get some input regarding this
manual, and my tape of the month club program (
http://secretsofcoaching.com/mastermind.html).
Anyhow, my whole point of bringing this up was that Coach Frank is in the
middle of his football season. Just came out of surgery, and has won something
like 8 state titles out in the last 10 years, and he is sitting there on the phone for
about 20 minutes helping me out.
Now, this may not seem like much if you arent a terribly busy person, but
my guess is you know what it is like for people to want your time, ask you
questions, and other things like that. However, the coolest thing about Coach
Frank, is that he cared enough to help me out when he didnt have to.
So, my goal of this chapter is just to talk to you about what I think is
extremely important: Being Humble and Being Real!
Here is a scenario you may find interesting.
Scenario: How to handle the Are You Going To Win Today?
question.
Question: I personally think I have pretty good mental toughness, especially
when it comes to track. Once I get time I will read your articles, and I hopefully
will have even more of the mental edge. I don have one question though. When
you go out on to the field, court, track, whatever it may be you have to think
positive correct?
You have to believe in yourself and tell yourself you are going to win. So
what if someone comes up to you and says, "you going to win today?" There's
really only one thing to say, yes.
Unfortunately, with this, people may think you are big-headed. I feel that
it's not cockiness or conceit, rather self-confidence, especially if it's on the field. I
was just wondering if this view is correct. Thanks, I love what you are doing.
THE RULE OF 3
I learned this a while back from one of my mentors. He
is in his 50s and in great shape. So, I asked
st
him, What
are you doing to stay in great shape?(1 time)
He very casually said, Ya know, working out.
I said, I know, but what are you doing? (2nd time)
He said, I dont know , just working out, ya know?
What! I thought. I was looking for specifics, a
schedule, plan. So I said to him one more time.
Irdgot that you are working out, but what are you doing?
(3 time)
He looked at me and said, Do you really want to know?
He went on to tell me how most people will ask things
they dont want to hear about. For example, if someone asks
me Whats new? I can say to them, Hey, do you have an
hour, because thats how long it will take them.
However, I usually respond, Ya know, some good
things.
If they inquire 2 more times, Ill then slowly reveal a few
things.
Then I watch their body language, eye movements, to see if
they are following me. If they seem to be drifting off, Ill
just change the conversation to something that is more
comfortable for them, then Ill move on.
One thing that youll need to understand, as someone
who is pushing the envelope a bit and living outside your
comfort zone, is that when you talk about your endeavors it
may make others uncomfortable. People tend to project
themselves into your dreams and try it on so to speak. So,
when talking, watch his or her physiology, and remember its
not always necessary to tell everyone what you are doing.
The truth is, I want to have a very good life. Have a great
family, a beautiful loving wife, and some awesome kids. I
want to live in a neighborhood where when I go to the store
I may run into a friend or two. I want to learn how to golf,
go on vacations with my family, and my brothers and sisters
families.
Ya see, you are that person to someone else right now. Right
now, there are athletes out there looking up to you. Asking
for permission to fail, so that they can improve. Asking for
permission to succeed, so that they can know what it feels
like to be trenched with sweat, completely exhausted, and be
a champion!
You are a coach! A teacher! A friend! A hero! A mentor! A
student! And so much more!
Stand proud and share what you know to the world, because
that is why you are here.
Implementation:
Look at how you interact with people, your peers, your family, friends.
Just notice if you spend more time talking about yourself or them. From
Dale Carnegies book, How to Win Friends & Influence People, he
always said that people love talking about themselves.
Listen, Listen, Listen
Take an extra minute to compliment your opposing coach and a few
players after a tough match or game.
Take an extra minute to thank your players parents for taking the time to
watch their kid, and support your team
Call people on their bullshit. Be a straight shooter and dont bullshit
others. Thats being fake! If you want people to respect you, and see
you as someone who is real, then call things as you see them.
Talk to a kid in the stands whose running around in a jersey or has a
ball in their hand. Theyll never forget it.
Smile!
Chapter 13
UTILIZING YOUR UNCONSCIOUS MIND
This chapter will be utilizing your unconscious mind and teaching your
athletes how to tap into their unconscious resources. One of the things that Ive
You know, years ago Abraham Maslow had the whole hierarchy of
learning and different levels of learning where he talked about where youre
unconsciously incompetent so that you dont even know that you dont know
something.
And then he talked about that you are consciously incompetent so that
you know that you dont know. And then you become, you know, consciously
competent so youve got to think about what were doing. And then after a while
Now in all these chapters and everything Ive talked about one of the
things that Ive always talked about is visualization. Now, I kind of get frustrated
sometimes because people will look at my information and go, Oh youre just
Yes! But no. I mean, visualization, in the fact that, number one, I teach
you how to do it. And, number two, the people who actually use the information
probably more than I even know I do it and so do you. And so one of the
challenges that I am going to have here for you is a few ideas that may
accelerate your athletes learning abilities and yourself and possibly give you
some ideas and some different ways to be creative with it and play with it on your
own.
Now one of the key elements here is this. Number one is, just recently I
was at a volleyball game and I was talking to one of the athletes who I am friends
with and she was asking me questions because she was interested in all the stuff
that Im doing. And I said to her, I said Well you know, one of the things that, an
advance trick that you could learn is simply when you think of your past, you
know, you think about something that happened two weeks ago or three weeks
ago, you know, where does the memory come up in your mind?
And I saw her eye movements and they moved in a certain direction and I
noticed that she looked over to her left. And then I said, You know, can you
remember a time, maybe your last birthday or something that happened like six
months ago or a year ago? And she said yeah and she looked even further to
her left.
So what that told me right there was her past and the way her brain
interprets it is towards her left and probably makes kind of a V because the next
question I asked was Wheres the present moment and she pointed right at her
forhead. She said Its right here. Putting her hand by her face and inside her
And then I said Well where, you know, can you think of something youre
And she replied, she said Well, yeah, and she looked in a direction and it
was to her right and it was kind of off, veering off to the right.
Then I said Well what about, you know, two months, maybe six months
from now? And she said yeah. And I said Well now this is the question I have
for you. Well what skill that youre currently working on that youre not doing great
on will you have accomplished in just a few months or a few weeks or down the
And she was able to look at it and she was able to reply with the skill that
shes working on, something to do with her defense. (This is irrelevant thought,
Now I said, Okay great, so how far off into your future is it? And she
said it was about, you know, two months out and I said great. And I said why
dont you just bring it to the present moment NOW? And I used the tonal
inflection and I had her shoot out into the future looking beyond, already having
accomplished this new task. And then I asked her to just bring all those
Now, as youre listening to this one of the things youll notice that Im
doing, if you have any NLP experience or read anything about using time
predicates is that all I had her do is fly out there in her mind and grab some
Now this may seem a little bit different than anything that youve heard
before to do, but its actually how your brain organizes things. People set goals
or people have certain expectations of themselves and what they do is they say,
well, you know, in two months or three months Ill be able to do that. But the
truth is, is maybe, well, you know, one of the beliefs that NLP has is if youve
been able to do something once you can duplicate that over and over again.
Now what that means then is, all it is is getting your brain to believe and have
certain expectations of doing that activity at the unconscious level and thats the
most important level in as far as sports goes or anything you want to do in life for
that matter.
expectations or what certain things do you think will happen in two months or
three months and what, you know, goals do you have maybe three, four, five, six
or seven years out that youd like to accomplish but you dont think you could do
it now.
So all you do is in your mind is notice where those goals are and then put
yourself in a light trance, so you visualize, you sit back, you relax, you close your
eyes and you look up and you look out into that direction of your future. Now
what I do is Ill look at all the things I want to accomplish or maybe even just one
goal. So whats the outcome that I want in six weeks or six months? Ill ask
myself.
And then what Ill do is in my mind fly out into that moment of what it will
feel like and everything like that, what it will feel like, sound like, what will be
different in my life when I accomplish those goals and then Ill go out past those
goals. So Ill go out maybe one week or two weeks looking back on it and so
now Im beyond it, Im outside past it.
So what happens is you see things differently which means you access
resources that you never had before or resources you currently had but you
didnt think you had anyhow. And then all you do is then in your mind, literally,
take the image and you shoot back to the present moment and then you act as if,
and you close your eyes and you might even fall asleep with it, as if you already
have the present state of awareness, of skills and of abilities. And at some level,
at the unconscious level, youre going to have all those things naturally. Now
thats one way that you can speed up, or you can have your athletes speed up,
the process of acting and doing certain activities and behaviors. So thats one
key accelerated learning technique.
So one of the things that Ive talked often about and to an extent about
and I talk to my athletes about this stuff is- well let me tell you a quick story, lets
just start this way. One coach came up to me and said, Ed, you know, we
visualized, we did all these affirmations, we did all these cool things about
beating this team and it just didnt happen. We started off seven to nothing and
then we were down and then the next thing you know we lost.
Well, you know, one thing is, first of all, the truth was her team wasnt
physically capable of beating this team and this team would had to have played
at their worst ever and her team would had have to play at their best ever to win.
So as much as this mental training stuff works you need athletes and you need to
The second thing was I said, Well, you know, when you think of
something that youre certain about, where do you look and where is the image?
And this happens ninety-nine percent of the time, she looked in one
direction, which for her was to the right. And then I said Well think of something
that you arent certain about like, you know, maybe something that you, a skill or
And she looked at the other side of her. So that was one side, to her right
was certainty and one side to her left was uncertainty. And I said When I teach
visualization the key difference is is that most people look through just an image,
like they look at what they possibly could do, with the idea that they cant do it at
an unconscious level. (Reread that last statement. I had to re-read it, and Im the
So they just pick up an image and for her it would be maybe the image of
something that shed like to do would show up on her left side right by what she
doesnt think she can do. Now why that is important to notice is your brain is
literal so if you look through the looking glass over on the left side, your brain is
actually reinforcing doubt which means you cant do it, you dont think you can do
it. So you can visualize performing well all day long but if youre looking at it
through the glass window of I cant do it unconsciously then its just defeating
the purpose and actually youre reinforcing doubt every time you visualize it.
So what you do is is you think about something youre certain about. For
example, youre certain about what your house looks like, youre certain about
that you know how to tie your shoes, youre certain that you know your name.
And you notice the location of the image that represents: Yes, Im certain about
that!
Then what you do, or what I do when I visualize this, is Ill pull the thing
that Im certain about up and close in front of my face and then Ill clear the
window so that its just a window and its just clear glass. And then I pop up into
it, that which I want to occur or the habit or the skill that I want to have or, you
know, what goal or what new behaviors I want to learn.
How to Tell Your Brain You Are Better Quicker!
Then what you do is you rerun every event possible showing, you know,
your new skill through this window. So, for example, if I wanted to learn how to
be a better curve ball hitter what I would do is run my scenarios of me seeing a
ball come out of a pitchers hand and seeing the curve ball through this window
and seeing myself waiting on it and hitting it at the exact same time that Im
suppose to and driving it, you know, to the right field.
For example, we had a guy a while back from Australia who wrote me a
nice letter saying that he cut down his three thousand meter running time by
eighteen seconds. Now that was kind of exciting but a lot of it had to do with just
mental limitations that he had.
You know, so one thing that he could have done or- you know, I know
exactly actually what he did, a lot of his challenges had to do with self-talk and
limiting beliefs- but one of the things that he could have done was, you know,
seen himself running his fastest time ever through the window of certainty. And
thats one of the sub-modalities that Ive talked about before, thats called
location.
So what you can do with your team is, you know, teach them this basic
skill of they look in certain directions. Now if you get really advanced and you
want to go through some NLP training and stuff, you can actually move the sub-
modalities for your players or people. Ill take things with the persons skill, like I
was teaching the one girl who was asking me questions about how she can get
better, I did that with one of her skills, you know, I took it from uncertainty to
certainty and her feelings about that skill changed instantly. You probably realize
by now that the feeling and the emotional state that people are in is just as
important as anything when trying to learn new skills.
11. How do you know when you are happy with your
performance?
So, above are just a series of great questions that can give
you a ton of information about your players. If you told me
that you had a player that is struggling, and you showed me
their answers to these questions, 9 out of 10 times, I can
tell you why without ever talking to the player.
Copy these questions down, print them out, and see whats going on
inside your players heads
1. What is most important to you about
playing______________?
11. How do you know when you are happy with your
performance?
How To Get A Team with Talent To Click!
First of all, I have never had a team lose more than 8 matches or
basketball games in a year. This is my first season at XYZ High. We have
talented, hard working girls. But we don't click anywhere.
This is the most frightened bunch of kids I have ever coached. But, I like
them more than any other team I have coached. My arrival and expectations of
these young players has seemed to put the weight of the world on their
shoulders. They are so scared of failing that they avoid the ball at all cost.
I always thought I was a good motivator and coach. But I have to admit,
Ed that I'm lost for answers. I can't find the key to release their anxiety. What
should I do?
- You may notice that this will give you more values, and
give you, your players criteria for what the ideal team
looks like
What would you like to see more or less of from me and the
team?
What are some things I could say to her to get her give energy back to the
team. For example, kids were trying to pep her up, and not create an electric
intense atmosphere. Finally, they just wanted to play so they ignored her as well.
What questions should I ask her. Her problem is she is disappointed in her play.
She is 6'1" and very good. But she is not perfect and not the best player I
have. I gave a survey like you suggested and found she expects perfection in
order for her to feel successful. In addition, according to her, She likes to be told
what she does wrong quietly and very briefly, She hates "when a coach over
explains and dwells".
With all this information, I chose to ignore her and talk to her friendly after
practice, but not about her attitude. We have talked about it much in the past! I
really want to help her to be happy and positive.
One thought:
Ask her privately or on the side.
What is it you really want out of practice/volleyball?
Listen to her....
"Well, lets say you and I went to this horrible movie, and
then a week later I called you up and was like, Hey lets go
to that movie again! That would be kind of stupid wouldn't
it?"
"You know that I want to support you, don't you? And I want
to do whatever it takes to make you successful.
So, can we make an agreement that you help me support you in
staying up about yourself and supporting the team"
Pretty much you want to get across, "How can you help me
support the team more on defense, b/c right now, I'm
confused"
Our coach does visualizations when the junior varsity team is on there
second game.
Ed: Watch her ball toss, and the spin she puts on it.
Also, chart a few of her jump serves, (where did they go?)
Then position yourself so that you can keep the ball to the
midline to the left side of your body. Stay lower, more of a
defensive position.
Also, right as she goes back to jump serve, walk up to the
ref, tell him your shoe's untied and tie it.
Or say there is a wet spot and get a towel. Anything to
interrupt her routine.
Problems are the Seed of Innovation
I'm sorry that I missed being able to see you last weekend though, but I'm
grateful you didn't get the chance to see me play. It was all in my head and I got
frustrated like I often do but didn't take control of myself. So Friday night was a
disaster. But I cleaned up Saturday and realized that I was trying to do too much
with my team. Now I am just focusing on making myself a better player and
improving my game and I'm seeing immediate results. You would have been
disappointed in my negative mental game at certain points in the season, but I
realized what I was doing and thinking wrong and changed that. I actually
listened to your visualization tape and did some more exercises. And I had a
question for you? I have been trying to apply the leap frog stuff to me, but it
doesn't seem to be working? Do I have to change my mindset for it? Hope to
hear from you soon.
Rick Pitino, John Wooden, and many other great coaches have
been known to only say 3 words, quick phrases or even just 1
point in a huddle. They may say just 1 point, but repeat it
10 times. This way, you know your players here it.
Most importantly, you must convey the message that you truly
believe in what you are saying. The best leaders are people
who can convince an army that they will win, and find a way
to do so, when he or she isnt sure of victory him/herself.
Regarding Managing Your Teams Emotional State
Ed: When I see my team feeling really tense, sometimes
I may get really relaxed and almost seem very non-chalant
about the other teams run or streak. I may smile, or if the
crowd is going crazy for the other team, I may make a smart-
alek comment like, Oh no, they just scored 3 points, lets
get really worried!
When I spent a day with the Mt. Carmel High School Football
Team, who have one 8 State Titles in the past 10 years. When
they were losing, theyre coaches always reverted back to
the basics. Refocusing their players back to doing the
simple things really well.
Id ask them:
Why is being aggressive, working hard, and being relentless
important?
Then, you can pair them up and have them have a 2 minute
conversation about:
One way I am currently supporting our team to be
aggressive is
An area I can improve upon is
I will do it by this
The difference it will make to the whole team is
Now, here is the most important thing: The questions you ask
yourself in tough moments direct your focus the most.
Simple thought:
"How do I want to choose to feel right now?"
"What's good about this situation?"
2 years ago, I had a terrible team, and after every loss I'd
have them get into partners and answer:
"What was good about the game?"
"Where can we still improve?"
"What will we do next time?"
"What do I need to differently to take more ownership for
it?"
How to Take Disappointment And Create A Game Plan For
Success
Ed: Last summer, I returned from the Volleyball
National Championships where my 15 and unders finished 19th
in the Open division, and my 16's finished 11th in Open.
With all that, they still won their pool, and made it into
the final four before losing.
When I went to Mt. Carmel H.S., the football team whom has
won the State Championship like 8 of the last 10 years
always has the best defense in the state. Years when they
struggled offensively, they found ways to win, because their
defense would create turnovers, points, and put the offense
in scoring position.
How can I as a coach help the girls stay in the game mentally. We seem to
have fallen back to our old habits. We played last night and we make one
mistake after another . Please help me.
Well, first make sure you have your own focus managed and
moving in a pro-active, solution oriented mode.
"How did we prepare for last nights game, that was different
than against team x (pick a team that you guys played well
against)?"
I was recently hired for my first head varsity volleyball position at the high
school where I have been coaching the past 5 years. I began my coaching
career when the now seniors were in the 7th grade.
I am in a very unique situation. I have at one time or another coached all but 1 of
the girls that will make up this years varsity team. The past three seasons have
seen three different varsity coaches. I being the 4th. As a J.V. coach last season,
we were undefeated and won 5 of our 7 tournaments.
Although I feel great about that, the varsity teams in our league are very good. I
really want to make a run for the league title and district championship. I like
your lessons on the mental toughness. Our team really needs it and I know it will
help.
But honestly, I am just as concerned about how I will manage the day to
day practices and things. My career in coaching volleyball has progressed much
faster than I anticipated. Everything I have learned about volleyball has come
from books, classes, and previous coaches. I have never played on an
organized team.
Can you recommend any good books or any type of resource that could
help with organizing practices, skill development, different offensive and
defensive systems and things like that. I feel very good about teaching individual
skills, and to this point I was able to keep things very simple as far as offensive
and defensive is concerned.
After a few summer league type scrimmages this week, I have felt a little
intimidated coaching at this level. I need to develop a better middle attack with
this team, and work on defense. I would love to be able to turn this program
around. I truly believe in this group of young ladies, who have been through lot
of coaching changes. There is no doubt that the varsity team that I will have is
by far the best our school has seen in a long time.
Many times, theyll use a new movie that just came out to
bring up any of these topics. An example, is any of Tom
Greens movies, American Pie I & II, and any other movies
involving such themes.
When they bring up these topics they are testing you. They
want to see how youll respond. Now, there is no one way to
respond. Some coaches may prefer to know what is real in
their players minds and lives, while others would rather not
know. Its up to you.
One thing Ive said in the past is, Ya know, I totally want
to support you guys in whatever is going on in your life,
and some topics can put me in a bind if you bring them up
for me. So, Id feel more comfortable if we dont have a
conversation about xyz.
Or, Ive also taken the approach of just smiling, and saying
Easy now. Thatll be enough of that.
This may get the same message across, but in a more light-
hearted manner. You be the judge.
Another thing to realize is, that you are one of the biggest
influences in their lives, whether they or you like it or
not. Its just true.
Moving forward...
Other than that, create the vision for your team, and create
a consistent agreement within the team, and then go for it.
Other people to check out are: Mary Wise, Terri Pettit, and
if you have any other suggestions from different sports,
please let me know Id love to add them on.
How to do team building before a major tournament with a team who is
just getting to know each other!
Any words of wisdom with mental preparation for these girls that are
really just getting to know each other and now have to play at Nationals together
with ghost of those other five girls hanging around? Thanks for anything you can
pass to me.
Ed: Yes, do some group activities where they get to
share about themselves.
So one idea:
Have them share 2 minutes with the group about themselves.
Where they grew up?
Why do they play volleyball?
What's important to them about life, school, family?
Make sure you are in great shape. Being in the best shape
possible will give you an advantage over other athletes who
are relying solely on talent.
Make sure the coaches are seeing you work hard, encouraging
others and bouncing back quickly from your mistakes!
Tell them you are trying out and that you would love to play
for them. Dont kiss up here, but let your intentions known.
I always find myself helping friends with problems when it comes to sports. I
guess I just have never "practiced what I preach."
Ed: Not necessarily. One thing about getting assistance
from your friends or others is that they are not associated
to the emotion like you are when it is your own personal
problem.
Changing gears:
Also, what will your life be like, how will play once
you have gotten over any challenges you have with your
coach, so that when you walk into the gym, you can walk on
the court and feel totally confident very soon, maybe today,
or tomorrow, cant you?
Scenario: Players who think they are too good
This next scenario can be transferred to every imaginable sport that exists.
I coach Varsity and some of my girls think that they are good enough already.
For example, one of my girls hits the ball and gets a kill, but she doesn't break
her wrist or swing as hard as she could. I tell her that she didn't break her wrist
and her reply to me is "but coach, I got a kill". To me, that's not the point, the
way I think is that if you would have broke your wrist, it would have been an even
better kill.
In the second example, notice how I used the word "lets" and
"we".
Hey Eric, you missed long when crossing the ball. So, next
time, lets make sure we leave it a bit shorter to his front
foot.
So, I'll make notes, a lot of the time, that will remind me
of what I want to work on in practice or talk to my players
about.
One more idea, is reinforce when she does it right. So, when
you see her snap her wrist, give a big "Outstanding" or "Way
to snap/follow through on that swing" (make sure there is no
"I told you so" in your tonality and that it is sincere)
Now, most coaches are afraid to get this feedback, but you
may learn a lot and I do it every year with all of my teams.
It is a major way of aligning with the players.
P.S. Your age has nothing to do with any of it. I'm only 26
yrs old and teach people twice my age things they didn't
know before.
I did read the book I downloaded and thought it was GREAT. The reason for my
interest is I have a 14 year old daughter who plays Volleyball and Softball and
thought it could benefit her. Getting her to read it hasn't been successful as yet.
But, hopefully soon she will and put your suggestions to work. I am going to
forward your letter to her coaches. I'm just a little apprehensive about doing so
because I don't want them to think they're current coaching techniques are
inadequate. Hopefully they will read your letter with an open mind and be as
interested as I was.
I've heard that it's best to visualize yourself improving just before you go
to sleep, because then you'll think about it 14 times during the night or
something, so you improve in your sleep if you do it correctly. I've tried,
but my mind wonders when I try to focus on the one thing, which at the
moment is catching a football. Im a wide receiver.
Is there any particular way in which I could focus on that easier to get
better results?
Ed: You are doing the right things. One thing you can
do is imagine something you are already familiar with, like
a picture of your room or your front door. Then clear the
screen, but keep the frame of the picture in your mind as
you begin to watch the movie of yourself playing.
Now, one thing that you can do to support you even if
your mind starts to wander is to give yourself the command
after you've watched yourself do it perfectly a couple
times.
NLP note- Heres a question for you. Which submodalities am I using in this
advice? Email me and let me know: Ed@uramazing.com
How to make this information work with all ages
With kids, youll see them buy into the ideas, because they
dont know any difference. When I teach kids from the ages
of 8-12, I teach mostly through metaphor and stories, with
some conscious training as well. They get this stuff!
No matter the age, one thing that is true about most people
is they look for "certainty, hope, and truth".
Either way, teach this stuff to others, and who cares what
people think.
How do I begin teaching mental toughness?
I know saying forget about it is like saying relax when you have never learned
how to relax. Do I start at the beginning or start with the Intimidation.
I believe I can turn this into something we can use against that team next
time we play them. (in about two weeks). Where should I start?
The other night during the seminar I asked you about the difference between
creating new beliefs and dealing with existing ones.
I thought about this a lot, and have since decided that the best way to deal
with existing negative beliefs is to create new positive ones to replace them.
Then the focus is always positive, and we aren't dwelling on the past. Hopefully,
the past just gets forgotten, or becomes irrelevant. What do you think about
that?
Ed: You got it! Our brains are like vacuums. We can't
just take away something without replacing it or the brain
will suck the old belief back up..
Furthermore, re-read the chapter on reframing. This
helps you change beliefs conversationally with your kids.
I also had a question referring to the visualization while you sleep and in
the morning. I wrote out a few things I wanted to first of all change. After I
go through those I am planning on visualizing things that I can improve on
even though I feel I am already sufficient at, but I do want to improve on. I
needed to ask you how I could visualize myself shrugging mistakes off and
going back at it.
Ed: Yes that is one way. Try and find the things that
trigger you to go into those states, and then do the same
thing I told you earlier about going into your past "BEFORE"
the anxiety ever begins and go through the event with new
feelings. Then go out into the future where you would
normally have had the same experience, but pre play the
events going smoothly and successfully. Also notice what you
are doing with your physiology self talk images and
questions when you are making yourself anxious.
How much time should I devote to Mental Training?
I am coaching a 16 and under volleyball team this year and one of the other
coaches in our club told me about your 'Ultimate Volleyball Mental Toughness
Manual'. I've been using bits and pieces of it, and I also signed up to receive
your emails. I have always believed in the power of our minds and I have
enjoyed incorporating some of the exercises and tips you created in my
practices. My question is this, our team practices three nights a week for two
hours each session (6 hours total per week). I'm wondering how much of that
time I should devote to specifically working on mental training?
What can I do to control over-excitement? I mean, when things are going well
most of the times I struggle to keep them under control. Just to keep myself in
the real world and not mess up the game.
I am a bowler with a sound foundation and knowledge, so I am really interested
in the visualization part because I am having some problems.
Ed: When you get over-excited, what are you doing with
your physiology, self talk, images, and questions that
allows you to "do" over excitement.
Something you need to realize is that you can take control
of this by learning how to master the first 5 keys in the
System.
Also, You need to learn how to anchor yourself. Chapter
6 in the Ultimate Athlete Success System, For example,
there have to be triggers that send you into a pattern of
over excitement.
Notice what occurs, then go back in your past and
replay all the events as if you stayed relaxed focused and
consistent.
How to accelerate your players coordination!
I am 17 years old and I live in Canada. I suppose you would refer to me as an
elite level volleyball player, I currently play in the University of Winnipeg
development program.
Lately I have been coping with a problem that you could possibly help me
with. This season, I have been working hard and would like to become a key
player in the success of our team and in the long run have a university career.
My coaches however see it differently they tell me that because of my lack
of coordination I'm not ready to play that role and that I just have to keep working.
My whole life people have been telling me this and I kept working to try and
succeed despite my weakness but lately I have become very frustrated and
sometimes a consider quitting I know that's not the answer but I don't know what
else to do. I suppose I'm afraid of putting all this effort and failing.
Your advice would be greatly appreciated.
Ed: Personally, I wouldn't make such generalizations about what a whole gender,
race, or team fears, thinks, or believes about anything.
My perspective is to work with people's subjective reality and not project my own
or society's onto them.
Sidenote: Ive had people ask me about, Well, have you made
is seperately for guys and girls?
I was wondering what your philosophy was in working with high school
age players.
I coach a club team here in Northern Indiana. I have a few girls who just don't
seem to grasp the concept I have tried to relay your message to them but it is
just not working serious self-confidence issues. What do you recommend I have
also gave them all your web-site to read and your like any advice you could
offer?
Name:_______________
What are your personal goals for the next 3 months? List top
3:
Other:
There are other questions I may ask depending on the
group but the main reason I'm doing this is to find out what
they want out of the year, and then I am going to show them
that by following my plan it will help them get what they
want.
So, in your case, showing them that being positive and
buying into these concepts will give them a better shot at
nationals than being negative.
Also, I may meet with them individually and talk about
their personal/team goals. One thing that most coaches miss
is that these kids have different motives than us, and if we
try and motivate them through our motives then we will lose
them.
Also, have you had them listen to the tape "Focus Like
A Champion" or copied a page or two from the my Ultimate
Athlete Success System or this manual, passed it out, have
them read it, then have a group discussion on it.
I would just like to first say thank you so much for making your site and doing
what you are doing. I've read some of your stuff and I recently started your book
and it now makes me feel more confident in myself even though I have just
started I cant wait to expand my mind to greater limits so thank you.
I just wanna ask you about a situation Ive been in recently. Well I am a
freshman in high school and I played football this past year and we were in our
freshman tournament and I was so pumped up for this because I have never
come in first place for anything in my life.
And this was just a really big thing for me, because I had been playing
football since I was real young and Im a captain of the junior varsity and
freshman team. This particular team I felt was the best emotional team Ive been
on and well we went into our first game of the tourney and lost.
I was really struck by the loss but I managed to handle it and still could
only picture the good things but then something
happened. We lost again!
By now I was in such an emotional state of despair
I could barely breath. We had all come in their confident we could do good and
felt we were all ready for the big night and we were so pumped up but yet we just
lost our first 2 games.
Never the less, we did end up 2nd in the state but Ill never forget that shock and
pain I felt when we lost those 2 games, it was overwhelming.
I was just wondering what you think about this and
what I could have done to better the situation, because I was a leader on that
team and I dont wanna have other kids see me in despair when they look up to
me so I was just wondering if you could help me out a little.
Then as you get to the point where its time to talk about
what youll do better next time, you put your team into 1st
person, simply by changing the word they to us or we.
I have been reading your materials, and get your info via e-mail, and am
wondering if you have any helpful thoughts---
The problem came in, when during one of their practices in October, they
run a certain conditioning, which is apparently a killer conditioner. She was one
that could always hold up and pushed herself, until in October when she got sick
after the drill.
She was very upset, and then became so worried about getting sick again
that she feels it even affects her performance, and definitely her enjoyment of the
sport she has always loved. She got sick 3 or so more times after that, and says
that now, even when she walks by the gym, that is what concerns her, fear of
and getting sick.
I try to be supportive, telling her she may have actually been sick the first
time, and it will not necessarily continue. No good! I would think it is primarily a
mental thing, but I don't know how to help her. She is a very gifted player, and I
don't like to see her so stressed out over the 'stress' of thinking she will get sick,
and then she does.
If you have ANY ideas, please let me know. I would appreciate any thoughts you
may have.
Ed: From your email this is what I can tell you. Your
daughter got sick once and created a negative association to
working really hard, which triggers fear, and a
physiological response. This is done unconsciously of
course!
Its not like its my fault...I tried its up to them to feel better. Then coach yells at
me, saying I need to pick them up! I TRIED! Anyway, if you have any advise,
then please send it on over.
God Bless!
Ed OKeefe
To contact Ed:
Email us at: Ed@uramazing.com
Visit us at: http://www.secretsofcoaching.com
http://www.volleyballsecrets.com