Académique Documents
Professionnel Documents
Culture Documents
School
Stories
by P. G. Wodehouse
2 SCHOOL STORIES
SCHOOL STORIES 3
Contents
The Pothunters................................................................................4
A Prefect's Uncle............................................................................79
The Gold Bat.................................................................................156
The Head of Kay's........................................................................236
The White Feather........................................................................314
Tales of St. Austin's......................................................................396
How Pillingshot Scored...........................................................399
The Odd Trick..........................................................................403
L'Affaire Uncle John (A Story in Letters)................................407
Harrison's Slight Error.............................................................412
Bradshaw's Little Story.............................................................417
A Shocking Affair.....................................................................421
The Babe and the Dragon........................................................428
The Manuvres of Charteris...................................................432
How Payne Bucked Up............................................................458
Author!.....................................................................................462
'The Tabby Terror'....................................................................467
The Prize Poem.........................................................................471
Work.........................................................................................476
Notes........................................................................................482
Now, Talking About Cricket................................................486
The Tom Brown Question.......................................................490
4 THE POTHUNTERS
THE POTHUNTERS
by P. G. Wodehouse
1902
THE POTHUNTERS 5
[Dedication]
TO JOAN, EFFIE AND
ERNESTINE BOWES-LYON
6 THE POTHUNTERS
Contents
1 Patient Perseverance Produces Pugilistic Prodigies
2 Thieves Break in and Steal
3 An Unimportant By-product
4 Certain Revelations
5 Concerning the Mutual Friend
6 A Literary Banquet
7 Barrett Explores
8 Barrett Ceases to Explore
9 Enter the Sleuth-hound
10 Mr Thompson Investigates
11 The Sports
12 An Interesting Interview
13 Sir Alfred Scores
14 The Long Run
15 Mr Roberts Explains
16 The Disappearance of J. Thomson
17 Well Proceed to Search for Thomson if He Be Above the Ground
18 In Which the Affairs of Various Persons Are Wound Up
PATIENT PERSEVERANCE PRODUCES PUGILISTIC PRODIGIES 7
after the last round. He finished for you to try any sparrin with.
without having turned a hair. He had Yes, said Tony.
only received one really hard blow, and The ol thing, continued the
that had done no damage. After this expert, is to feint with your left and it
came a long series of fights. The with your right. This was excellent in
heavy-weights shed their blood in theory, no doubt, but Tony felt that
gallons for name and fame. The when he came to put it into practice
feather-weights gave excellent Allen might have other schemes on
exhibitions of science, and the light- hand and bring them off first.
weight pairs were fought off until there Are you ready? Seconds out of the
remained only the final to be decided, ring.... Time!
Robinson, of St Pauls, against a Go in, sir, ard, whispered the red-
Charterhouse boxer. haired man as Tony rose from his place.
In the middle-weights there were Allen came up looking pleased with
three competitors still in the running, matters in general. He gave Tony a
Allen, Tony, and a Felsted man. They cousinly grin as they shook hands.
drew lots, and the bye fell to Tony, who Tony did not respond. He was feeling
put up an uninteresting three rounds serious, and wondering if he could
with one of the soldiers, neither bring off his knock-out before the three
fatiguing himself very much. rounds were over. He had his doubts.
Henderson, of Felsted, proved a much The fight opened slowly. Both were
tougher nut to crack than Allens first cautious, for each knew the others
opponent. He was a rushing boxer, and powers. Suddenly, just as Tony was
in the first round had, if anything, the thinking of leading, Allen came in like a
best of it. In the last two, however, flash. A straight left between the eyes,
Allen gradually forged ahead, gaining a right on the side of the head, and a
many points by his perfect style alone. second left on the exact tip of the nose,
He was declared the winner, but he felt and he was out again, leaving Tony
much more tired than he had done after with a helpless feeling of impotence and
his first fight. disgust.
By the time he was required again, Then followed more sparring. Tony
however, he had had plenty of breathing could never get in exactly the right
space. The final of the light-weights position for a rush. Allen circled round
had been decided, and Robinson, of St him with an occasional feint. Then he
Pauls, after the custom of Paulines, had hit out with the left. Tony ducked.
set the crown upon his afternoons work Again he hit, and again Tony ducked,
by fighting the Carthusian to a standstill but this time the left stopped halfway,
in the first round. There only remained and his right caught Tony on the cheek
now the finals of the heavies and just as he swayed to one side. It
middles. staggered him, and before he could
It was decided to take the latter first. recover himself, in darted Allen again
Tony had his former seconds, and with another trio of blows, ducked a
Dawkins had come to his corner to see belated left counter, got in two stinging
him through the ordeal. hits on the ribs, and finished with a left
The ol thing ere, he kept drive which took Tony clean off his feet
repeating, is to keep goin ard all the and deposited him on the floor beside
time and wear im out. Hes too quick the ropes.
PATIENT PERSEVERANCE PRODUCES PUGILISTIC PRODIGIES 11
look after that man there. of the School he might have felt less at
ease, but with Tony it was different.
When you have underdone a fellows
THIEVES BREAK IN eggs and overdone his toast and eaten
the remainder for a term or two, you
AND STEAL begin to feel that mere social
distinctions and differences of age no
It was always the custom for such
longer form a barrier.
Austinians as went up to represent the
Besides, he had news which was
School at the annual competition to stop
absolutely fresh, news to which no one
the night in the town. It was not,
could say pityingly: What! Have you
therefore, till just before breakfast on
only just heard that!
the following day that Tony arrived
Hullo, Graham, he said. Have you
back at his House. The boarding
come back? Tony admitted that he
Houses at St Austins formed a fringe to
had. Jolly good for getting the
the School grounds. The two largest
Middles. (A telegram had, of course,
were the School House and
preceded Tony.) I say, Graham, do you
Merevales. Tony was at Merevales.
know whats happened? Therell be an
He was walking up from the station
awful row about it. Someones been
with Welch, another member of
and broken into the Pav.
Merevales, who had been up to
Rot! How do you know?
Aldershot as a fencer, when, at the
Theres a pane taken clean out. I
entrance to the School grounds, he fell
booked it in a second as I was going
in with Robinson, his fag. Robinson
past to the track.
was supposed by many (including
Which room?
himself) to be a very warm man for the
First Fifteen. The window facing
Junior Quarter, which was a handicap
away from the Houses.
race, especially as an injudicious Sports
Thats rum, said Welch. Wonder
Committee had given him ten yards
what a burglar wanted in the First
start on Simpson, whom he would have
room. Isnt even a hair-brush there
backed himself to beat, even if the
generally.
positions had been reversed. Being a
Robinsons eyes dilated with honest
wise youth, however, and knowing that
pride. This was good. This was better
the best of runners may fail through
than he had looked for. Not only were
under-training, he had for the last week
they unaware of the burglary, but they
or so been going in for a steady course
had not even an idea as to the recent
of over-training, getting up in the small
event which had made the First room so
hours and going for before-breakfast
fit a hunting-ground for the burgling
spins round the track on a glass of milk
industry. There are few pleasures
and a piece of bread. Master R.
keener than the pleasure of telling
Robinson was nothing if not thorough
somebody something he didnt know
in matters of this kind.
before.
But today things of greater moment
Great Scott, he remarked, havent
than the Sports occupied his mind. He
you heard? No, of course you went up
had news. He had great news. He was
to Aldershot before they did it. By
bursting with news, and he hailed the
Jove.
approach of Tony and Welch with
Did what?
pleasure. With any other leading light
THIEVES BREAK IN AND STEAL 13
Why, they shunted all the Sports Wed better be getting back to the
prizes from the Board Room to the Pav. House now. It struck the quarter years
and shot em into the First room. I ago.
dont suppose theres one left now. I When Tony, some twenty minutes
should like to see the Old Mans face later, shook off the admiring crowd who
when he hears about it. Good mind to wanted a full description of yesterdays
go and tell him now, only hed have a proceedings, and reached his study, he
fit. Jolly exciting, though, isnt it? found there James Thomson, brother to
Well, said Tony, of all the Allen Thomson, as the playbills say.
absolutely idiotic things to do! Fancy Jim was looking worried. Tony had
puttingthere must have been at least noticed it during breakfast, and had
fifty pounds worth of silver and wondered at the cause. He was soon
things. Fancy going and leaving all that enlightened.
overnight in the Pav! Hullo, Jim, said he. Whats up
Rotten! agreed Welch. Wonder with you this morning? Feeling
whose idea it was. chippy?
Look here, Robinson, said Tony, No. No, Im all right. Im in a
youd better buck up and change, or beastly hole though. I wanted to talk to
youll be late for brekker. Come on, you about it.
Welch, well go and inspect the scene Weigh in, then. Weve got plenty
of battle. of time before school.
Robinson trotted off, and Welch and Its about this Aldershot business.
Tony made their way to the Pavilion. How on earth did you manage to lick
There, sure enough, was the window, or Allen like that? I thought he was a
rather the absence of window. A pane cert.
had been neatly removed, evidently in Yes, so did I. The ol thing there,
the orthodox way by means of a as Dawkins ud say, was, I knocked him
diamond. out. Its the sort of thing thats always
May as well climb up and see if happening. I wasnt in it at all except
theres anything to be seen, said during the second round, when I gave
Welch. him beans rather in one of the corners.
All right, said Tony, give us a leg My aunt, it was warm while it lasted.
up. Right-ho. By Jove, Im stiff. First round, I didnt hit him once. He
See anything? was better than I thought hed be, and I
No. Theres a cloth sort of thing knew from experience he was pretty
covering what I suppose are the prizes. good.
I see how the chap, whoever he was, got Yes, you look a bit bashed.
in. Youve only got to break the Yes. Feel it too. But whats the
window, draw a couple of bolts, and row with you?
there you are. Shall I go in and Just this. I had a couple of quid on
investigate? Allen, and the rotter goes and gets
Better not. Its rather the thing, I licked.
fancy, in these sorts of cases, to leave Good Lord. Whom did you bet
everything just as it is. with?
Rum business, said Tony, as he With Allen himself.
rejoined Welch on terra firma. Mean to say Allen was crock
Wonder if theyll catch the chap. enough to bet against himself? He must
14 THE POTHUNTERS
Youve got us as witnesses, said abilities of one who could select his
Dimsdale. Well see that he shells swag in so haphazard a manner. It was
out. Scott, remember youre a witness. felt to detract from the merit of the
Right-ho, said Scott. performance. The knowing ones,
At this moment the clock struck however, gave it as their opinion that
nine, and as each of the principals in the man must have been frightened by
this financial transaction, and both the something, and so was unable to give
witnesses, were expected to be in their the matter his best attention and do
places to answer their names at 8.58, himself justice as a connoisseur.
they were late. And as they had all We had a burglary at my place
been late the day before and the day once, began Reade, of Philpotts
before that, they were presented with House. The man
two hundred lines apiece. Which shows That rotter, Reade, said Barrett,
more than ever how wrong it is to bet. also of Philpotts, has been telling us
The news continuing to circulate, by that burglary chestnut of his all the
the end of morning school it was morning. I wish you chaps wouldnt
generally known that a gang of encourage him.
desperadoes, numbering at least a Why, what was it? First Ive heard
hundred, had taken the Pavilion down, of it, at any rate. Dallas and Vaughan,
brick by brick, till only the foundations of Wards, added themselves to the
were left standing, and had gone off group. Out with it, Reade, said
with every jot and tittle of the Vaughan.
unfortunately placed Sports prizes. Its only a beastly reminiscence of
At the quarter-to-eleven interval, the Reades childhood, said Barrett. A
School had gone en masse to see what it burglar got into the wine-cellar and
could see, and had stared at the window collared all the coals.
with much the same interest as they He didnt. He was in the hall, and
were wont to use in inspecting the First my pater got his revolver
Eleven pitch on the morning of a match While you hid under the bed.
a curious custom, by the way, but one and potted at him over the
very generally observed. banisters.
Then the official news of the extent The last time but three you told the
of the robbery was spread abroad. It story, your pater fired through the
appeared that the burglar had by no keyhole of the dining-room.
means done the profession credit, for You idiot, that was afterwards.
out of a vast collection of prizes ranging Oh, well, what does it matter? Tell
from the vast and silver Mile Challenge us something fresh.
Cup to the pair of fives-gloves with Its my opinion, said Dallas, that
which the under twelve disciple of Ward did it. A man of the vilest
Deerfoot was to be rewarded, he had antecedents. Hes capable of anything
selected only three. Two of these were from burglary
worth having, being the challenge cup To attempted poisoning. You
for the quarter and the non-challenge should see what we get to eat in Wards
cup for the hundred yards, both silver, House, said Vaughan.
but the third was a valueless flask, and Wards the worst type of beak. He
the general voice of the School was simply lives for the sake of booking
loud in condemning the business chaps. If he books a chap out of bounds
AN UNIMPORTANT BY-PRODUCT 17
it keeps him happy for a week. Day and then hed see, remarking that,
A man like thats bound to be a meanwhile, if he gave him any of his
criminal of sorts in his spare time. Its cheek he might not be well enough to
action and reaction, said Vaughan. run at all.
Mr Ward happening to pass at this This sort of thing, said Barrett to
moment, the speaker went on to ask Reade, as they walked to their form-
Dallas audibly if life was worth living, room, always makes me feel beastly.
and Dallas replied that under certain Once start a row like this, and all the
conditions and in some Houses it was beaks turn into regular detectives and
not. go ferreting about all over the place,
Dallas and Vaughan did not like Mr and its ten to one they knock up against
Ward. Mr Ward was not the sort of something one doesnt want them to
man who inspires affection. He had an know about.
unpleasant habit of jarring, as it was Reade was feeling hurt. He had
called. That is to say, his conversation objected to the way in which Barrett
was shaped to one single end, that of had spoiled a story that might easily
trying to make the person to whom he have been true, and really was true in
talked feel uncomfortable. Many of his parts. His dignity was offended. He
jars had become part of the School said Yes to Barretts observation in a
history. There was a legend that on one tone of reserved hauteur. Barrett did
occasion he had invited his prefects to not notice.
supper, and regaled them with Its an awful nuisance. For one
sausages. There was still one prefect thing it makes them so jolly strict about
unhelped. To him he addressed bounds.
himself. Yes.
A sausage, Jones? I wanted to go for a bike ride this
If you please, sir. afternoon. Theres nothing on at the
No, you wont, then, because Im School.
going to have half myself. Why dont you?
This story may or may not be true. Whats the good if you cant break
Suffice it to say, that Mr Ward was not bounds? A ride of about a quarter of a
popular. miles no good. Theres a ripping place
The discussion was interrupted by about ten miles down the Stapleton
the sound of the bell ringing for second Road. Big wood, with a ripping little
lesson. The problem was left unsolved. hollow in the middle, all ferns and
It was evident that the burglar had been moss. I was thinking of taking a book
interrupted, but how or why nobody out there for the afternoon. Only
knew. The suggestion that he had heard theres roll-call.
Master R. Robinson training for his He paused. Ordinarily, this would
quarter-mile, and had thought it was an have been the cue for Reade to say,
earthquake, found much favour with the Oh, Ill answer your name at roll-call.
junior portion of the assembly. But Reade said nothing. Barrett looked
Simpson, on whom Robinson had been surprised and disappointed.
given start in the race, expressed an I say, Reade, he said.
opinion that he, Robinson, ran like a Well?
cow. At which Robinson smiled darkly, Would you like to answer my name
and advised the other to wait till Sports at roll-call? It was the first time he had
18 THE POTHUNTERS
ever had occasion to make the request. to confine his attentions for the future to
No, said Reade. dignity. This was by-product number
Barrett could hardly believe his one of the Pavilion burglary.
ears. Did he sleep? Did he dream? Or
were visions about?
What! he said. CERTAIN
No answer.
Do you mean to say you wont? REVELATIONS
Of course I wont. Why the deuce
During the last hour of morning
should I do your beastly dirty work for
school, Tony got a note from Jim.
you?
Graham, said Mr Thompson, the
Barrett did not know what to make
master of the Sixth, sadly, just as Tony
of this. Curiosity urged him to ask for
was about to open it.
explanations. Dignity threw cold water
Yes, sir?
on such a scheme. In the end dignity
Kindly tear that note up, Graham.
had the best of it.
Note, sir?
Oh, very well, he said, and they
Kindly tear that note up, Graham.
went on in silence. In all the three years
Come, you are keeping us waiting.
of their acquaintance they had never
As the hero of the novel says, further
before happened upon such a crisis.
concealment was useless. Tony tore the
The silence lasted until they reached
note up unread.
the form-room. Then Barrett
Hope it didnt want an answer, he
determined, in the interests of the
said to Jim after school. Constant
common goodhe and Reade shared a
practice has made Thompson a sort of
study, and icy coolness in a small study
amateur lynx.
is unpleasantto chain up Dignity for
No. It was only to ask you to be in
the moment, and give Curiosity a trial.
the study directly after lunch. Theres a
Whats up with you today? he
most unholy row going to occur shortly,
asked.
as far as I can see.
He could hardly have chosen a worse
What, about this burglary
formula. The question has on most
business?
people precisely the same effect as that
Yes. Havent time to tell you now.
which the query, Do you know where
See you after lunch.
you lost it? has on one who is engaged
After lunch, having closed the study
in looking for mislaid property.
door, Jim embarked on the following
Nothing, said Reade. Probably at
statement.
the same moment hundreds of other
It appeared that on the previous night
people were making the same reply, in
he had left a book of notes, which were
the same tone of voice, to the same
of absolutely vital importance for the
question.
examination which the Sixth had been
Oh, said Barrett.
doing in the earlier part of the morning,
There was another silence.
in the identical room in which the prizes
You might as well answer my name
had been placed. Or rather, he had left
this afternoon, said Barrett, tentatively.
it there several days before, and had not
Reade walked off without replying,
needed it till that night. At half-past six
and Barrett went to his place feeling
the Pavilion had been locked up, and
that curiosity was a fraud, and resolving
Biffen, the ground-man, had taken the
CERTAIN REVELATIONS 19
key away with him, and it was only there was an excitement and sporting
after tea had been consumed and the interest about it that took him
evening paper read, that Jim, thinking it immensely. But how was he to get out
about time to begin work, had to start with? He opened his study-
discovered his loss. This was about window and calculated the risks of a
half-past seven. drop to the ground. No, it was too far.
Being a House-prefect, Jim did not Not worth risking a sprained ankle on
attend preparation in the Great Hall the eve of the mile. Then he thought of
with the common herd of the Houses, the Matrons sitting-room. This was on
but was part-owner with Tony of a the ground-floor, and if its owner
study. happened to be out, exit would be easy.
The difficulties of the situation soon As luck would have it she was out, and
presented themselves to him. It was in another minute Jim had crossed the
only possible to obtain the notes in Rubicon and was standing on the gravel
three waysfirstly, by going to the drive which led to the front gate.
rooms of the Sixth Form master, who A sharp sprint took him to the
lived out of College; secondly, by Pavilion. Now the difficulty was not
borrowing from one of the other Sixth how to get out, but how to get in.
Form members of the House; and Theoretically, it should have been the
thirdly, by the desperate expedient of easiest of tasks, but in practice there
burgling the Pavilion. The objections to were plenty of obstacles to success. He
the first course were two. In the first tried the lower windows, but they were
place Merevale was taking prep. over in firmly fixed. There had been a time
the Hall, and it was strictly forbidden when one of them would yield to a hard
for anyone to quit the House after lock- kick and fly bodily out of its frame, but
up without leave. And, besides, it was somebody had been caught playing that
long odds that Thompson, the Sixth game not long before, and Jim
Form master, would not have the notes, remembered with a pang that not only
as he had dictated them partly out of his had the window been securely fastened
head and partly from the works of up, but the culprit had had a spell of
various eminent scholars. The second extra tuition and other punishments
course was out of the question. The which had turned him for the time into a
only other Sixth Form boy in the House, hater of his species. His own fate, he
Tony and Welch being away at knew, would be even worse, for a
Aldershot, was Charteris, and Charteris, prefect is supposed to have something
who never worked much except the better to do in his spare time than
night before an exam, but worked then breaking into pavilions. It would mean
under forced draught, was appalled at expulsion perhaps, or, at the least, the
the mere suggestion of letting his note- loss of his prefects cap, and Jim did not
book out of his hands. Jim had sounded want to lose that. Still the thing had to
him on the subject and had met with the be done if he meant to score any marks
reply, Kill my father and burn my at all in the forthcoming exam. He
ancestral home, and I will look on and wavered a while between a choice of
smile. But touch these notes and you methods, and finally fixed on the
rouse the British Lion. After which he crudest of all. No one was likely to be
had given up the borrowing idea. within earshot, thought he, so he picked
There remained the third course, and up the largest stone he could find, took
20 THE POTHUNTERS
as careful aim as the dim light would The window swung open. Jim
allow, and hove it. There was a jumped in, and groped his way round
sickening crash, loud enough, he the room till he found his book. The
thought, to bring the whole School other window of the room was wide
down on him, followed by a prolonged open. He shut it for no definite reason,
rattle as the broken pieces of glass fell and noticed that a pane had been cut out
to the ground. entire. The professional cracksman had
He held his breath and listened. For done his work more neatly than the
a moment all was still, uncannily still. amateur.
He could hear the tops of the trees Poor chap, thought Jim, with a
groaning in the slight breeze that had chuckle, as he effected a retreat, I must
sprung up, and far away the distant roar have given him a bit of a start with my
of a train. Then a queer thing half-brick. After bolting the window
happened. He heard a quiet thud, as if behind him, he climbed down.
somebody had jumped from a height on As he reached earth again the clock
to grass, and then quick footsteps. struck a quarter to nine. In another
He waited breathless and rigid, quarter of an hour prep, would be over
expecting every moment to see a form and the House door unlocked, and he
loom up beside him in the darkness. It would be able to get in again. Nor
was useless to run. His only chance would the fact of his being out excite
was to stay perfectly quiet. remark, for it was the custom of the
Then it dawned upon him that the House-Prefects to take the air for the
man was running away from him, not few minutes which elapsed between the
towards him. His first impulse was to opening of the door and the final
give chase, but prudence restrained locking-up for the night.
him. Catching burglars is an The rest of his adventures ran too
exhilarating sport, but it is best to smoothly to require a detailed
indulge in it when one is not on a description. Everything succeeded
burgling expedition oneself. excellently. The only reminiscences of
Besides he had come out to get his his escapade were a few cuts in his coat,
book, and business is business. which went unnoticed, and the precious
There was no time to be lost now, book of notes, to which he applied
for someone might have heard one or himself with such vigour in the watches
both of the noises and given the alarm. of the night, with a surreptitious candle
Once the window was broken the and a hamper of apples as aids to study,
rest was fairly easy, the only danger that, though tired next day, he managed
being the pieces of glass. He took off to do quite well enough in the exam, to
his coat and flung it on to the sill of the pass muster. And, as he had never had
upper window. In a few seconds he the least prospect of coming out top, or
was up himself without injury. He even in the first five, this satisfied him
found it a trifle hard to keep his completely.
balance, as there was nothing to hold on Tony listened with breathless interest
to, but he managed it long enough to to Jims recital of his adventures, and at
enable him to thrust an arm through the the conclusion laughed.
gap and turn the handle. After this there What a mad thing to go and do, he
was a bolt to draw, which he managed said. Jolly sporting, though.
without difficulty. Jim did not join in his laughter.
CERTAIN REVELATIONS 21
Yes, but dont you see, he said, They are having one, I heard.
ruefully, what a mess Im in? If they There you are, then, said Jim,
find out that I was in the Pav. at the dejectedly. Im done, you see.
time when the cups were bagged, how I dont know. I dont believe
on earth am I to prove I didnt take detectives are much class.
them myself? Anyhow, hell probably have
By Jove, I never thought of that. gumption enough to spot me.
But, hang it all, theyd never dream of Jims respect for the abilities of our
accusing a Coll. chap of stealing Sports national sleuth-hounds was greater than
prizes. This isnt a reformatory for Tonys, and a good deal greater than
juvenile hooligans. that of most people.
No, perhaps not.
Of course not.
Well, even if they didnt, the Old CONCERNING THE
Man would be frightfully sick if he got
to know about it. Id lose my prefects MUTUAL FRIEND
cap for a cert.
I wonder where the dear Mutual
You might, certainly.
gets to these afternoons, said Dallas.
I should. There wouldnt be any
The who? asked MacArthur.
question about it. Why, dont you
MacArthur, commonly known as the
remember that business last summer
Babe, was a day boy. Dallas and
about Cairns? He used to stay out after
Vaughan had invited him to tea in their
lock-up. That was absolutely all he
study.
did. Well, the Old Un dropped on him
Plunkett, you know.
like a hundredweight of bricks.
Why the Mutual?
Multiply that by about ten and you get
Mutual Friend, Vaughans and
what hell do to me if he books me over
mine. Shares this study with us. I call
this job.
him dear partly because hes head of the
Tony looked thoughtful. The case of
House, and therefore, of course, we
Cairns versus The Powers that were,
respect and admire him.
was too recent to have escaped his
And partly, put in Vaughan,
memory. Even now Cairns was to be
beaming at the Babe over a frying-pan
seen on the grounds with a common
full of sausages, partly because we
School House cap at the back of his
love him so. Oh, hes a beauty.
head in place of the prefects cap which
No, but rotting apart, said the
had once adorned it.
Babe, what sort of a chap is he? I
Yes, he said, youd lose your cap
hardly know him by sight, even.
all right, Im afraid.
Should describe him roughly, said
Rather. And the sickening part of
Dallas, as a hopeless, forsaken
the business is that this real, copper-
unspeakable worm.
bottomed burglaryll make them hunt
Understates it considerably,
about all over the shop for clues and
remarked Vaughan. His manners are
things, and the odds are theyll find me
patronizing, and his customs beastly.
out, even if they dont book the real
He wears spectacles, and reads
man. Shouldnt wonder if they had a
Herodotus in the original Greek for
detective down for a big thing of this
pleasure.
sort.
He sneers at footer, and jeers at
22 THE POTHUNTERS
cricket. Croquet is his form, I should said I hoped he was fairly comfortable.
say. Should doubt, though, if he even He said he was. Conversation
plays that. languished again. I made another shot.
But why on earth, said the Babe, Looking for anybody? I said. No,
do you have him in your study? he said, are you? No. Then why
Vaughan looked wildly and the dickens should I be? he said. I
speechlessly at Dallas, who looked didnt quite follow his argument. In
helplessly back at Vaughan. fact, I dont even now. Look here, I
Dont, Babe, please! said Dallas. said, tell me one thing. Have you or
Youve no idea how a remark of that have you not bought this place? If you
sort infuriates us. You surely dont have, all right. If you havent, Im
suppose wed have the man in the study going to sling you out, and jolly soon,
if we could help it? too. He looked at me in his superior
Its another instance of Ward at his sort of way, and observed without
worst, said Vaughan. Have you never blenching that he was head of the
heard the story of the Mutual Friends House.
arrival? Just another of Wards jars, said
No. Dallas. Knowing that Vaughan was
It was like this. At the beginning of keen on being head of the House he
this term I came back expecting to be actually went to the Old Man and
head of this show. You see, Richards persuaded him that it would be better to
left at Christmas and I was next man in. bring in some day boy who was a
Dallas and I had made all sorts of School-prefect than let Vaughan boss
arrangements for having a good time. the show. What do you think of that?
Well, I got back on the last evening of Pretty low, said the Babe.
the holidays. When I got into this Said I was thoughtless and
study, there was the man Plunkett headstrong, cut in Vaughan, spearing a
sitting in the best chair, reading. sausage as if it were Mr Wards body.
Probably reading Herodotus in the Muffins up, Dallas, old man. When
original Greek, snorted Dallas. the sausages are done to a turn.
He didnt take the slightest notice of Thoughtless and headstrong. Those
me. I stood in the doorway like were his very words.
Patience on a monument for about a Cant you imagine the old beast?
quarter of an hour. Then I coughed. He said Dallas, pathetically, Cant you see
took absolutely no notice. I coughed him getting round the Old Man? A
again, loud enough to crack the capital lad at heart, I am sure, distinctly
windows. Then I got tired of it, and a capital lad, but thoughtless and
said Hullo. He did look up at that. headstrong, far too thoughtless for a
Hullo, he said, youve got rather a position so important as that of head of
nasty cough. I said Yes, and waited my House. The abandoned old wreck!
for him to throw himself on my bosom Tea put an end for the moment to
and explain everything, you know. conversation, but when the last sausage
Did he? asked the Babe, deeply had gone the way of all flesh, Vaughan
interested. returned to the sore subject like a moth
Not a bit, said Dallas, hesorry, to a candle.
Vaughan, fire ahead. It isnt only the not being head of
He went on reading. After a bit I the House that I bar. Its the man
CONCERNING THE MUTUAL FRIEND 23
himself. You say you havent studied sort of chap, though, to borrow
Plunkett much. When you get to know somebody elses without asking.
him better, youll appreciate his finer Possibly he does bike.
qualities more. There are so few of If he does, said Dallas, its only so
them. as to get well away from the Coll.,
The only fine quality Ive ever seen before starting on his career of crime.
in him, said Dallas, is his habit of Ill swear he does break rules like an
slinking off in the afternoons when he ordinary human being when he thinks
ought to be playing games, and not its safe. Those aggressively pious
coming back till lock-up. fellows generally do.
Which brings us back to where we I didnt know he was that sort, said
started, put in the Babe. You were the Babe. Dont you find it rather a
wondering what he did with himself. jar?
Yes, it cant be anything good so Just a bit. He jaws us sometimes till
well put beetles and butterflies out of we turn and rend him.
the question right away. He might go Yes, hes an awful man, said
and poach. Theres heaps of Vaughan.
opportunity round here for a chap who Dont stop, said the Babe,
wants to try his hand at that. I encouragingly, after the silence had
remember, when I was a kid, Morton lasted some time. Its a treat picking a
Smith, who used to be in this House- fellow to pieces like this.
remember him?took me to old I dont know if thats your beastly
whats-his-names place. Whos that sarcasm, Babe, said Vaughan, but,
frantic blood who owns all that land speaking for self and partner, I dont
along the Badgwick road? The M.P. know how we should get on if we didnt
man. blow off steam occasionally in this
Milord Sir Alfred Venner, M.P., of style.
Badgwick Hall. We should probably last out for a
Thats the man. Generally very week, and then there would be a sharp
much of Badgwick Hall. Came down shriek, a hollow groan, and all that
last summer on Prize Day. One would would be left of the Mutual Friend
have thought from the side on him that would be a slight discolouration on the
he was all sorts of dooks. Anyhow, study carpet.
Morton-Smith took me rabbiting there. Coupled with an aroma of fresh
I didnt know it was against the rules or gore.
anything. Had a grand time. A few Perhaps thats why he goes off in
days afterwards, Milord Sir Venner the afternoons, suggested the Babe.
copped him on the hop and he got Doesnt want to run any risks.
sacked. There was an awful row. I Shouldnt wonder.
thought my hair would have turned Hes such a rotten head of the
white. House, too, said Vaughan. Ward may
I shouldnt think the Mutual gas about my being headstrong and
poaches, said Vaughan. He hasnt got thoughtless, but Im dashed if I would
the enterprise to poach an egg even. make a bally exhibition of myself like
No, it cant be that. the Mutual.
Perhaps he bikes? said the Babe. Whats he do? enquired the Babe.
No, hes not got a bike. Hes the Its not so much what he does. Its
24 THE POTHUNTERS
what he doesnt do that sickens me, miserable day boy he had had no
said Dallas. I may be a bit of a crock experience of the inner life of a
in some waysfor further details apply boarding House, which is the real life of
to Wardbut I can stop a couple of a public school. His experience of life
fags ragging if I try. at St Austins was limited to doing his
Cant Plunkett? work and playing centre-three-quarter
Not for nuts. Hes simply helpless for the fifteen. Which, it may be
when theres anything going on that he remarked in passing, he did extremely
ought to stop. Why, the other day there well.
was a row in the fags room that you Dallas took up the narrative. Well,
could almost have heard at your place, after hed been gone about five minutes,
Babe. We were up here working. The and the row seemed to be getting worse
Mutual was jawing as usual on the than ever, we thought wed better go
subject of cramming tips for the down and investigate. So we did.
Aeschylus exam. Said it wasnt And when we got to the fags
scholarship, or some rot. What business room, said Vaughan, pointing the
is it of his how a chap works, I should toasting-fork at the Babe by way of
like to know. Just as he had got under emphasis, there was the Mutual
way, the fags began kicking up more standing in the middle of the room
row than ever. gassing away with an expression on his
I said, cut in Vaughan, that instead face a cross between a village idiot and
of minding other peoples business, an unintelligent fried egg. And all
hed better mind his own for a change, round him was a seething mass of fags,
and go down and stop the row. half of them playing soccer with a top-
He looked a bit green at that, said hat and the other half cheering wildly
Dallas. Said the row didnt interfere whenever the Mutual opened his
with him. Does with us, I said. Its mouth.
all very well for you. You arent doing What did you do?
a stroke of work. No amount of row We made an aggressive movement
matters to a chap whos only delivering in force. Collared the hat, brained
a rotten sermon on scholarship. every fag within reach, and swore wed
Vaughan and I happen to be trying to do report them to the beak and so on. They
some work. All right, he said, if quieted down in about three and a
you want the row stopped, why dont quarter seconds by stopwatch, and we
you go and stop it? Whats it got to do retired, taking the hat as a prize of war,
with me?" and followed by the Mutual Friend.
Rotter! interpolated the Babe. He looked worried, rather, said
Wasnt he? Well, of course we Vaughan. And, thank goodness, he let
couldnt stand that. us alone for the rest of the evening.
We crushed him, said Vaughan. Thats only a sample, though,
I said: In my young days the head explained Dallas. That sort of thing
of the House used to keep order for has been going on the whole term. If
himself. I asked him what he thought the head of a House is an abject lunatic,
he was here for. Because he isnt theres bound to be ructions. Fags
ornamental. So he went down after simply live for the sake of kicking up
that. rows. Its meat and drink to them.
Well? said the Babe. Being a I wish the Mutual would leave,
CONCERNING THE MUTUAL FRIEND 25
said Vaughan. Only that sort of chap opened, and the gentleman in question
always lingers on until he dies or gets appeared in person. He stood in the
sacked. doorway for a few seconds, gasping and
Hes not the sort of fellow to get throwing his arms about as if he found a
sacked, I should say, said the Babe. difficulty in making his way in.
Fraid not. I wish I could shunt into I wish you two wouldnt make such
some other House. Between Ward and an awful froust in the study every
the Mutual life here isnt worth living. afternoon, he observed, pleasantly.
Theres Merevales, now, said Have you been having a little tea-
Vaughan. I wish I was in there. In the party? How nice!
first place youve got Merevale. He Weve been brewing, if thats what
gets as near perfection as a beak ever you mean, said Vaughan, shortly.
does. Coaches the House footer and Oh, said Plunkett, I hope you
cricket, and takes an intelligent interest enjoyed yourselves. Its nearly lock-up,
in things generally. Then there are MacArthur.
some decent fellows in Merevales. Thats Plunketts delicate way of
Charteris, Welch, Graham, Thomson, telling you youre not wanted, Babe.
heaps of them. Well, I suppose I ought to be
Pity you came to Wards, said the going, said the Babe. So long.
Babe. Why did you? And he went, feeling grateful to
My pater knew Ward a bit. If hed Providence for not having made his
known him well, hed have sent me father, like the fathers of Vaughan and
somewhere else. Dallas, a casual acquaintance of Mr
My pater knew Vaughans pater Ward.
well, who knew Ward slightly and there The Mutual Friend really was a trial
you are. Voila comme des accidents to Vaughan and Dallas. Only those
arrivent. whose fate it is or has been to share a
If Ward wanted to lug in a day boy study with an uncongenial companion
to be head of the House, said Vaughan, can appreciate their feelings to the full.
harping once more on the old string, he Three in a study is always something of
might at least have got somebody a tight fit, and when the three are in a
decent. state of perpetual warfare, or, at the
Theres the great Babe himself. best, of armed truce, things become
Babe, why dont you come in next very bad indeed.
term? Do you find it necessary to have
Not much, said the Babe, with a tea-parties every evening? enquired
shudder. Plunkett, after he had collected his
Well, even barring present books for the nights work. The smell
company, there are lots of chaps who of burnt meat
would have jumped at the chance of Fried sausages, said Vaughan.
being head of a House. But nothing Perfectly healthy smell. Do you good.
would satisfy Ward but lugging the Its quite disgusting. Really, the air
Mutual from the bosom of his beastly in here is hardly fit to breathe.
family. Youll find an excellent brand of air
We havent decided that point about down in the senior study, said Dallas,
where he goes to, said the Babe. pointedly. Dont stay and poison
At this moment the door of the study yourself here on our account, he
26 THE POTHUNTERS
received another shock to his system. Didnt hear him unlock the door. Glad
Dont glare, Galloway. Its rude, he has, though. Saves us trouble.
said Dallas. I must be going down to look up a
Wheres Plunkett got to? he added. bit to read. Do you remember when
Junior study, said Galloway. Harper read the same bit six days
Dallas went to the junior study. running? I shall never forget Wards
There were Plunketts books on the pained expression. Harper explained
table, but of their owner no signs were that he thought the passage so beautiful
to be seen. The Mutual Friend had had that he couldnt leave it.
the good sense to close the window Why dont you try that tip?
after he had climbed through it, and Hardly. My reputation hasnt quite
Dallas did not suspect what had actually the stamina for the test.
happened. He returned to Vaughan. Vaughan left the room. At the foot
The Mutual isnt in either of the of the stairs he was met by the matron.
studies, he said. I didnt want to Will you unlock the door, please,
spend the evening playing hide-and- Vaughan, she said, handing him a
seek with him, so Ive come back. bunch of keys. The boys will be
It doesnt matter, thanks all the coming in in a minute.
same. Later onll do just as well. Unlock the door? repeated
Do you object to the window going Vaughan. I thought it was unlocked.
up? asked Dallas. Theres a bit of a All right.
froust on in here. By Jove, he thought, the plot
Rather not. Heave it up. thickens. What is our only Plunkett
Dallas hove it. He stood leaning out, doing out of the House when the door is
looking towards the College buildings, locked, I wonder.
which stood out black and clear against Plunkett strolled in with the last
the April sky. From out of the darkness batch of the returning crowd, wearing
in the direction of Stapleton sounded on his face the virtuous look of one who
the monotonous note of a corn-crake. has been snatching a whiff of fresh air
Jove, he said, its a grand night. If after a hard evenings preparation.
I was at home now I shouldnt be Oh, I say, Plunkett, said Vaughan,
cooped up indoors like this. when they met in the study after
Holidays in another week, said prayers, I wanted to see you. Where
Vaughan, joining him. It is ripping, have you been?
isnt it? Theres something not half bad I have been in the junior study.
in the Coll. buildings on a night like Where did you think I had been?
this. I shall be jolly sorry to leave, in Oh.
spite of Ward and the Mutual. Do you doubt my word?
Same here, by Jove. Weve each Ive the most exaggerated respect
got a couple more years, though, if it for your word, but you werent in the
comes to that. Hullo, prep.s over. junior study at five to nine.
The sound of footsteps began to be No, I went up to my dormitory
heard from the direction of the College. about that time. You seem remarkably
Nine had struck from the School clock, interested in my movements.
and the Great Hall was emptying. Only wanted to see you about the
Your turn to read at prayers, House gym. team. You might shove up
Vaughan. Hullo, theres the Mutual. the list tonight. Haynes, Jarvis, and
CONCERNING THE MUTUAL FRIEND 29
the elect knew the identity of the editor, the paper, and did most of the match
and they were bound to strict secrecy. reports.
On the day before the publication of Now were complete, said
each number, a notice was placed in the Charteris, as Jackson presented
desk of the captain of each form, himself. Gentlemenyour seats.
notifying him of what the morrow There are only four chairs, and we, as
would bring forth, and asking him to Wordsworth might have said, but
pass it round the form. That was all. didnt, are five. All right, Ill sit on the
The School did the rest. The Glow table. Welch, you worm, away with
Worm always sold well, principally melancholy. Take away his book,
because of the personal nature of its somebody. Thats right. Who says
contents. If the average mortal is told what? Tea already made. Coffee
that there is something about him in a published shortly. If anybody wants
paper, he will buy that paper at your cocoa, Ive got some, only youll have
own price. to boil more water. I regret the absence
Today he was giving his monthly tea of menu-cards, but as the entire feast is
in honour of the new number. Only visible to the naked eye, our loss is
contributors were invited, and the menu immaterial. The offertory will be for
was always of the best. It was a Punch the Church expenses fund. Biscuits,
dinner, only more so, for these teas please.
were celebrated with musical honours, I wish youd given this tea after
and Charteris on the banjo was worth next Saturday, Alderman, said Jim.
hearing. His rendering of extracts from Charteris was called the Alderman on
the works of Messrs Gilbert and account of his figure, which was
Sullivan was an intellectual treat. inclined to stoutness, and his general
When I take the chair at our capacity for consuming food.
harmonic club! he chanted, fixing the Never put off till tomorrow-
unconscious Welch with a fiery glance. Why?
Welch! I simply must keep fit for the mile.
Yes. Hows Welch to run, too, if he eats this
If this is your idea of a harmonic sort of thing? He pointed to the well-
club, it isnt mine. Put down that book, spread board.
and try and be sociable. Yes, theres something in that, said
One second, said Welch, Tony. Thank goodness, my little
burrowing still deeper. entertainments over. I think I will try
Thats what you always say, said one of those chocolate things. Thanks.
Charteris. Look hereCome in. Welch is all right, said Jackson.
There had been a knock at the door He could win the hundred and the
as he was speaking. Tony entered, quarter on sausage-rolls. But think of
accompanied by Jim. They were the times.
regular attendants at these banquets, for And there, observed Charteris,
between them they wrote most of what there, my young friend, you have
was left of the magazine when Charteris touched upon a sore subject. Before
had done with it. There was only one you came in I was administering a few
other contributor, Jackson, of Dawsons wholesome words of censure to that
House, and he came in a few minutes miserable object on your right. What is
later. Welch was the athletics expert of a fifth of a second more or less that it
A LITERARY BANQUET 31
outrage was the work of a burglara Well, you see, moneys a thing
remarkable display of sagacity in one so everybody wants, whereas cups
young. A portrait of Master Robinson wouldnt be any good to a fellow at
appears on another page. school. So that I should find it much
Everything seems to appear on harder to prove that I didnt take the
another page, said Jim. Am I to do two pounds, than I should have done to
the portrait? prove that I didnt take the cups.
I think it would be best. You can But theres no earthly need for you
never trust a photo to caricature a to prove anything, said Tony. Theres
person enough. Your facial H.B.s the not the slightest chance of your being
thing. found out.
Have you heard whether anything Exactly, observed Charteris. We
else was bagged besides the cups? will certainly respect your incog. if you
asked Welch. wish it. Wild horses shall draw no
Not that I know of, said Jim. evidence from us. It is, of course, very
Yes there was, said Jackson. It distressing, but what is man after all?
further appears that that lunatic, Are we not as the beasts that perish, and
Adamson, had left some money in the is not our little life rounded by a sleep?
pocket of his blazer, which he had left Indeed, yes. And nowwith full
in the Pav. overnight. On enquiry it chorus, please.
was found that the money had also left. "We-e take him from the city or
Adamson was in the same House as the plough.
Jackson, and had talked of nothing else We-e dress him up in uniform so ne-
throughout the whole of lunch. He was e-e-at."
an abnormally wealthy individual, And at the third line some plaster
however, and it was generally felt, came down from the ceiling, and
though he himself thought otherwise, Merevale came up, and the meeting
that he could afford to lose some of the dispersed without the customary cheers.
surplus.
How much? asked Jim.
Two pounds. BARRETT EXPLORES
At this Jim gave vent to the
exclamation which Mr Barry Pain calls Barrett stood at the window of his
the Englishmans shortest prayer. study with his hands in his pockets,
My dear sir, said Charteris. My looking thoughtfully at the football
very dear sir. We blush for you. Might field. Now and then he whistled. That
I ask why you take the matter to heart was to show that he was very much at
so? his ease. He whistled a popular melody
Jim hesitated. of the day three times as slowly as its
Better have it out, Jim, said Tony. talented composer had originally
These chapsll keep it dark all right. intended it to be whistled, and in a
And Jim entered once again upon the strange minor key. Some people, when
recital of his doings on the previous offended, invariably whistle in this
night. manner, and these are just the people
So you see, he concluded, this two with whom, if you happen to share a
pound business makes it all the worse. study with them, it is rash to have
I dont see why, said Welch. differences of opinion. Reade, who was
BARRETT EXPLORES 33
advise you to look out, you know. till at last he arrived at his destination.
Venners awfully down on trespassing. A small hedge, a sloping strip of green,
Yes, the bounder. But I dont think and then the famous Dingle. I am loath
hell get me. One gets the knack of to inflict any scenic rhapsodies on the
keeping fairly quiet with practice. reader, but really the Dingle deserves a
Hes got thousands of keepers. line or two. It was the most beautiful
Millions. spot in a country noted for its fine
Dogs, too. scenery. Dense woods were its chief
Dash his beastly dogs. I like dogs. feature. And by dense I mean well-
Why are you such a croaker today, supplied not only with trees (excellent
Grey? things in themselves, but for the most
Well, you know hes had two chaps part useless to the nest hunter), but also
sacked for going in his woods to my with a fascinating tangle of
certain knowledge, Morton-Smith and undergrowth, where every bush seemed
Ainsworth. Thats only since Ive been to harbour eggs. All carefully
at the Coll., too. Probably lots more preserved, too. That was the chief
before that. charm of the place. Since the sad
Ainsworth was booked smoking episodes of Morton-Smith and
there. Thats why he was sacked. And Ainsworth, the School for the most part
Venner caught Morton-Smith himself had looked askance at the Dingle. Once
simply staggering under dead rabbits. a select party from Dacres House,
They sack any chap for poaching. headed by Babington, who always got
Well, I dont see how youre going himself into hot water when possible,
to show youve not been poaching. had ventured into the forbidden land,
Besides, its miles out of bounds. and had returned hurriedly later in the
Grey, said Barrett, severely, Im afternoon with every sign of exhaustion,
surprised at you. Go away and meet hinting breathlessly at keepers, dogs,
your beastly uncle. Fancy talking about and a pursuit that had lasted fifty
bounds at your time of life. minutes without a check. Since then no
Well, dont forget me when youre one had been daring enough to brave
hauling in the eggs. the terrors so carefully prepared for
Right you are. So long. them by Milord Sir Venner and his
Barrett proceeded on his way, his minions, and the proud owner of the
last difficulty safely removed. He could Dingle walked his woods in solitary
rely on Grey not to bungle that matter state. Occasionally he would personally
of roll-call. Grey had been there before. conduct some favoured guest thither
A long white ribbon of dusty road and show him the wonders of the place.
separated St Austins from the lodge But this was not a frequent occurrence.
gates of Badgwick Hall, the country On still-less frequent occasions, there
seat of Sir Alfred Venner, M.P., also of were large shooting parties in the
49A Lancaster Gate, London. Barrett Dingle. But, as a rule, the word was
walked rapidly for over half-an-hour Keepers only. No others need apply.
before he came in sight of the great iron A futile iron railing, some three feet
gates, flanked on the one side by a trim in height, shut in the Dingle. Barrett
little lodge and green meadows, and on jumped this lightly, and entered
the other by woods of a darker green. forthwith into Paradise. The place was
Having got so far, he went on up the hill full of nests. As Barrett took a step
BARRETT EXPLORES 35
piece. The sound of its fall came up to on his fathers land. The place was the
him almost simultaneously. Evidently headquarters of some poacher. Barrett
the hole was not deep. He placed his was full of admiration for the ingenuity
hands on the edge, and let himself of the man in finding so safe a hiding-
gently down into the darkness. His feet place.
touched something solid almost He continued his search. In one
immediately. As far as he could judge, angle of the tree was a piece of
the depth of the cavity was not more sacking. Barrett lifted it. He caught a
than five feet. Standing up at his full glimpse of something bright, but before
height he could just rest his chin on the he could confirm the vague suspicion
edge. that flashed upon him, his match burnt
He seemed to be standing on some down and lay smouldering on the floor.
sort of a floor, roughly made, but too His hand trembled with excitement as
regular to be the work of nature. he started to light another. It broke off
Evidently someone had been here in his hand. At last he succeeded. The
before. He bent down to make certain. light flashed up, and there beside the
There was more room to move about in piece of sacking which had covered
than he suspected. A man sitting down them were two cups. He recognized
would find it not uncomfortable. them instantly.
He brushed his hand along the floor. Jove, he gasped. The Sports pots!
Certainly it seemed to be constructed of Now, how on earth
boards. Then his hand hit something At this moment something happened
small and hard. He groped about until which took his attention away from his
his fingers closed on it. It waswhat discovery with painful suddenness.
was it? He could hardly make out for From beneath him came the muffled
the moment. Suddenly, as he moved it, whine of a dog. He listened, holding
something inside it rattled. Now he his breath. No, he was not mistaken.
knew what it was. It was the very thing The dog whined again, and broke into
he most needed, a box of matches. an excited bark. Somebody at the foot
The first match he struck promptly of the tree began to speak.
and naturally went out. No first match
ever stays alight for more than three-
fifths of a second. The second was BARRETT CEASES TO
more successful. The sudden light
dazzled him for a moment. When his EXPLORE
eyes had grown accustomed to it, the
Fetchimout! said the voice, all in
match went out. He lit a third, and this
one word.
time he saw all round the little
Nice cheery remark to make!
chamber. Great Scott, he said, the
thought Barrett. Hell have to do a
place is a regular poultry shop. All
good bit of digging before he fetches
round the sides were hung pheasants
me out. Im a fixture for the present.
and partridges in various stages of
There was a sound of scratching as if
maturity. Here and there the fur of a
the dog, in his eagerness to oblige, were
rabbit or a hare showed up amongst the
trying to uproot the tree. Barrett,
feathers. Barrett hit on the solution of
realizing that unless the keeper took it
the problem directly. He had been
into his head to climb, which was
shown a similar collection once in a tree
unlikely, he was as safe as if he had
BARRETT CEASES TO EXPLORE 37
been in his study at Philpotts, chuckled and climb the tree after him.
within himself, and listened intently. Eggs. Two of em. Ow did they
What is it, then? said the keeper. get ere, then?
Good dog, at em! Fetch him out, Its one of them young devils from
Jack. the School. Master says to me this
Jack barked excitedly, and redoubled morning, Look out, e says,
his efforts. Saunders, for them boys as come in
The sound of scratching proceeded. ere after eggs, and frighten all the birds
R-r-r-ats-s-s! said the mendacious out of the dratted place. You keep your
keeper. Jack had evidently paused for eyes open, Saunders, e says.
breath. Barrett began quite to Well, if es still in the woods, well
sympathize with him. The thought that ave im safe.
the animal was getting farther away If hes still in the woods! thought
from the object of his search with every Barrett with a shiver.
ounce of earth he removed, tickled him After this there was silence. Barrett
hugely. He would have liked to have waited for what he thought was a
been able to see the operations, though. quarter of an hourit was really five
At present it was like listening to a minutes or lessthen he peeped
conversation through a telephone. He cautiously over the edge of his hiding-
could only guess at what was going on. place. Yes, they had certainly gone,
Then he heard somebody whistling unlesshorrible thoughtthey were
The Lincolnshire Poacher, a strangely waiting so close to the trunk of the tree
inappropriate air in the mouth of a as to be invisible from where he stood.
keeper. The sound was too far away to He decided that the possibility must be
be the work of Jacks owner, unless he risked. He was down on the ground in
had gone for a stroll since his last record time. Nothing happened. No
remark. No, it was another keeper. A hand shot out from its ambush to clutch
new voice came up to him. him. He breathed more freely, and
Ullo, Ned, whats the dog after? began to debate within himself which
Thinks es smelt a rabbit, seems to way to go. Up the hill it must be, of
me. course, but should he go straight up, or
Aint a rabbit hole ere. to the left or to the right? He would
Thinks there is, anyhow. Look at have given much to know which way
the pore beast! the keepers had gone, particularly he of
They both laughed. Jack meanwhile, the dog. They had separated, he knew.
unaware that he was turning himself He began to reason the thing out. In the
into an exhibition to make a keepers first place if they had separated, they
holiday, dug assiduously. Come away, must have gone different ways. It did
Jack, said the first keeper at length. not take him long to arrive at that
Aint nothin there. Ought to know conclusion. The odds, therefore, were
that, clever dog like you. that one had gone to the right up-
There was a sound as if he had stream, the other down-stream to the
pulled Jack bodily from his hole. left. His knowledge of human nature
Wait! Ere, Ned, whats that on the told him that nobody would willingly
ground there? Barrett gasped. His pill- walk up-hill if it was possible for him to
boxes had been discovered. Surely they walk on the flat. Therefore, assuming
would put two and two together now, the two keepers to be human, they had
38 THE POTHUNTERS
gone along the valley. Therefore, his schools in flannels and gymnasium
best plan would be to make straight for shoes, and trained to the last ounce for
the top of the hill, as straight as he just such a sprint as this, could beat a
could steer, and risk it. Just as he was handful of keepers in their leggings and
about to start, his eye caught the two heavy boots. Barrett raced on. Close
pill-boxes, lying on the turf a few yards behind him a crashing in the
from where he had placed them. undergrowth and the sound of heavy
May as well take what I can get, he breathing told him that keeper number
thought. He placed them carefully in one was doing his best. To left and
his pocket. As he did so a faint bark right similar sounds were to be heard.
came to him on the breeze from down- But Barrett had placed these
stream. That must be friend Jack. He competitors out of the running at once.
waited no longer, but dived into the The race was between him and the man
bushes in the direction of the summit. behind.
He was congratulating himself on being Fifty yards of difficult country,
out of dangeralready he was more bushes which caught his clothes as if
than half way up the hillwhen they were trying to stop him in the
suddenly he received a terrible shock. interests of law and order, branches
From the bushes to his left, not ten which lashed him across the face, and
yards from where he stood, came the rabbit-holes half hidden in the bracken,
clear, sharp sound of a whistle. The and still he kept his lead. He was
sound was repeated, and this time an increasing it. He must win now. The
answer came from far out to his right. man behind was panting in deep gasps,
Before he could move another whistle for the pace had been warm and he was
joined in, again from the left, but farther not in training. Barrett cast a glance
off and higher up the hill than the first over his shoulder, and as he looked the
he had heard. He recalled what Grey keepers foot caught in a hole and he
had said about millions of keepers. fell heavily. Barrett uttered a shout of
The expression, he thought, had triumph. Victory was his.
understated the true facts, if anything. In front of him was a small hollow
He remembered the case of Babington. fringed with bushes. Collecting his
It was a moment for action. No guile strength he cleared these with a bound.
could save him now. It must be a stern Then another of the events of this
chase for the rest of the distance. He eventful afternoon happened. Instead of
drew a breath, and was off like an the hard turf, his foot struck something
arrow. The noise he made was soft, something which sat up suddenly
appalling. No one in the wood could with a yell. Barrett rolled down the
help hearing it. slope and halfway up the other side like
Stop, there! shouted someone. The a shot rabbit. Dimly he recognized that
voice came from behind, a fact which he had jumped on to a human being.
he noted almost automatically and The figure did not wear the official
rejoiced at. He had a start at any rate. velveteens. Therefore he had no
Stop! shouted the voice once business in the Dingle. And close
again. The whistle blew like a steam behind thundered the keeper, now on
siren, and once more the other two his feet once more, dust on his clothes
answered it. They were all behind him and wrath in his heart in equal
now. Surely a man of the public proportions. Look out, man! shouted
BARRETT CEASES TO EXPLORE 39
and I should be very much obliged. was mum. Time might provide him
Barrett had heard that a detective with a solution. He might, for instance,
was coming down to look into the affair abstract the cups secretly from their
of the cups. His position was rather a resting-place, place them in the middle
difficult one. In a sense it was simple of the football field, and find them there
enough. He had found the cups. He dramatically after morning school. Or
could (keepers permitting) go and fetch he might reveal his secret from the
them now, and there wouldNo. carriage window as his train moved out
There would not be an end of the of the station on the first day of the
matter. It would be very pleasant, holidays. There was certain to be some
exceedingly pleasant, to go to the way out of the difficulty. But for the
Headmaster and the detective, and present, silence.
present the cups to them with a Bless He answered his companions
you, my children air. The Headmaster questions freely, however. Of the
would say, Barrett, youre a marvel. actual burglary he knew no more than
How can I thank you sufficiently? any other member of the School,
while the detective would observe that considerably less, indeed, than Jim
he had been in the profession over Thomson, of Merevales, at present
twenty years, but never had he seen so staggering under the weight of a secret
remarkable an exhibition of sagacity even more gigantic than Barretts own.
and acumen as this. That, at least, was In return for his information he
what ought to take place. But Barretts extracted sundry reminiscences. The
experience of life, short as it was, had scar on the detectives cheekbone,
taught him the difference between the barely visible now, was the mark of a
ideal and the real. The real, he bullet, which a certain burglar, named,
suspected, would in this case be singularly enough, Roberts, had fired at
painful. Certain facts would come to him from a distance of five yards. The
light. When had he found the cups? gentleman in question, who, the
About four in the afternoon? Oh. Roll- detective hastened to inform Barrett,
call took place at four in the afternoon. was no relation of his, though owning
How came it that he was not at roll- the same name, happened to be a poor
call? Furthermore, how came it that he marksman and only scored a bad outer,
was marked on the list as having assuming the detectives face to have
answered his name at that ceremony? been the bull. He also turned up his
Where had he found the cups? In a cuff to show a larger scar. This was
hollow tree? Just so. Where was the another testimonial from the burglar
hollow tree? In Sir Alfred Venners world. A Kensington practitioner had
woods. Did he know that Sir Alfred had the bad taste to bite off a piece of
Venners woods were out of bounds? that part of the detective. In short,
Did he know that, in consequence of Barrett enlarged his knowledge of the
complaints from Sir Alfred Venner, Sir seamy side of things considerably in the
Alfred Venners woods were more out mile of road which had to be traversed
of bounds than any other out of bounds before St Austins appeared in sight.
woods in the entire county that did not The two parted at the big gates, Barrett
belong to Sir Alfred Venner? He did? going in the direction of Philpotts, the
Ah! No, the word for his guidance in detective wheeling his machine towards
this emergency, he felt instinctively, the porters lodge.
42 THE POTHUNTERS
of the first room, from which what were blood was beginning to drip.
left of the prizes had long been removed Do you notice anything peculiar
to a place of safety. about that cut? he enquired.
He was making his way to the place Mr Thompson did not. Nor did the
where the ground-man was usually to ground-man.
be found, with a view to obtaining the Look carefully. Now do you see?
keys, when he noticed that the door was No? Well, its not a clean cut.
already open, and on going thither he Ragged. Very ragged. Now if a
came upon Biffen, the ground-man, in professional had cut that pane out he
earnest conversation with a stranger. wouldnt have left it jagged like that.
Morning, sir, said the ground-man. No. He would have used a diamond.
He was on speaking terms with most of Done the job neatly.
the masters and all the boys. Then, to This destroyed another of Mr
his companion, This is Mr Thompson, Thompsons premises. He had taken it
one of our masters. for granted that a diamond had been
Morning, sir, said the latter. used.
Weather keeps up. I am Inspector Oh! he said, was that pane not cut
Roberts, Scotland Yard. But I think by a diamond; what did the burglar use,
were in for rain soon. Yes. Fraid so. then?
Been asked to look into this business, No. No diamond. Diamond would
Mr Thompson. Queer business. have left smooth surface. Smooth as a
Very. Might I askI am very razor edge. This is like a saw.
interested in this kind of thing- Amateurish work. Cant say for certain,
whether you have arrived at any but probably done with a chisel.
conclusions yet? With a chisel? Surely not.
The detective eyed him thoughtfully, Yes. Probably with a chisel.
as if he were hunting for the answer to a Probably the man knocked the pane out
riddle. with one blow, then removed all the
No. Not yet. Nothing definite. glass so as to make it look like the work
I presume you take it for granted it of an old hand. Very good idea, but
was the work of a professional burglar. amateurish. I am told that three cups
No. No. Take nothing for granted. have been taken. Could you tell me
Great mistake. Prejudices one way or how long they had been in the
other great mistake. But, I think, yes, I Pavilion?
think it was probablyalmost certainly Mr Thompson considered.
not done by a professional. Well, he said. Of course its
Mr Thompson looked rather blank at difficult to remember exactly, but I
this. It shook his confidence in his think they were placed there soon after
powers of deduction. one oclock the day before yesterday.
But, he expostulated. Surely no Ah! And the robbery took place
one but a practised burglar would have yesterday in the early morning, or the
taken a pane of glass out soah- night before?
neatly? Yes.
Inspector Roberts rubbed a finger Is the Pavilion the usual place to
thoughtfully round the place where the keep the prizes for the Sports?
glass had been. Then he withdrew it, No, it is not. They were only put
and showed a small cut from which the there temporarily. The Board Room,
46 THE POTHUNTERS
where they are usually kept, and which All the while he was talking, his eyes
is in the main buildings of the School, were moving restlessly round the room.
happened to be needed until the next He came to the window through which
day. Most of us were very much Jim had effected his entrance, and
against leaving them in the Pavilion, but paused before the broken pane.
it was thought that no harm could come I suppose he tried that window first,
to them if they were removed next day. before going round to the other?
But they were removed that night, hazarded Mr Thompson.
which made a great difference, said Mr Yes. Most probably. Broke it, and
Roberts, chuckling at his mild joke. I then remembered that anyone at the
see. Then I suppose none outside the windows of the boarding Houses might
School knew that they were not in their see him, so left his job half done, and
proper place? shifted his point of action. I think so.
I imagine not. Yes.
Just so. Knocks the idea of He moved on again till he came to
professional work on the head. None of the other window. Then he gave vent to
the regular trade can have known this an excited exclamation, and picked up a
room held so much silver for one night. piece of caked mud from the sill as
No regular would look twice at a cricket carefully as if it were some fragile
pavilion under ordinary circumstances. treasure.
Therefore, it must have been somebody Now, see this, he said. This was
who had something to do with the wet when the robbery was done. The
School. One of the boys, perhaps. man brought it in with him. On his
Really, I do not think that probable. boot. Left it on the sill as he climbed
You cant tell. Never does to form in. Got out in a hurry, startled by
hasty conclusions. Boy might have somethingyou can see he was startled
done it for many reasons. Some boys and left in a hurry from the different
would have done it for the sake of the values of the cups he tookand as he
excitement. That, perhaps, is the least was going, put his hand on this. Left a
possible explanation. But you get boy clear impression. Good as plaster of
kleptomaniacs just as much in Paris very nearly.
proportion as grown-up kleptomaniacs. Mr Thompson looked at the piece of
I knew a man. Had a son. Couldnt mud, and there, sure enough, was the
keep him away from anything valuable. distinct imprint of the palm of a hand.
Had to take him away in a hurry from He could see the larger of the lines quite
three schools, good schools, too. clearly, and under a magnifying-glass
Really? What became of him? He there was no doubt that more could be
did not come to us, I suppose? revealed.
No. Somebody advised the father He drew in a long breath of
to send him to one of those North- satisfaction and excitement.
Country schools where they flog. Great Yes, said the detective. That piece
success. Stole some money. Got of mud couldnt prove anything by
flogged, instead of expelled. Did it itself, but bring it up at the end of a long
again with same result. Gradually got string of evidence, and if it fits your
tired of it. Reformed character now.... I man, it convicts him as much as a snap-
dont say it is a boy, mind you. Most shot photograph would. Morning, sir. I
probably not. Only say it may be. must be going. And he retired,
MR THOMPSON INVESTIGATES 47
a nervous ordeal to have to stand by and the quarter by twenty, and the other
while his father and the Head events fell in nearly every case to the
exchanged polite commonplaces. He favourite. The hurdles created
could not help feeling that there was something of a surpriseJackson, who
just a chance (horrible thought) that the ought to have won, coming down over
Head, searching for something to say, the last hurdle but two, thereby enabling
might seize upon that little matter of Dallas to pull off an unexpected victory
broken bounds or shaky examination by a couple of yards. Vaughans
papers as a subject for discussion. He enthusiastic watch made the time a little
was generally obliged, when the under sixteen seconds, but the official
interview was over, to conduct his timekeeper had other views. There
parent to the shop by way of pulling his were no instances of the timid new boy,
system together again, the latter, of at whom previously the world had
course, paying. scoffed, walking away with the most
At intervals round the ropes Old important race of the day.
Austinian number one was meeting Old And then the spectators were roused
Austinian number two (whom he from a state of coma by the sound of the
emphatically detested, and had hoped to bell ringing for the mile. Old Austinian
avoid), and was conversing with him in number one gratefully seized the
a nervous manner, the clearness of his opportunity to escape from Old
replies being greatly handicapped by a Austinian number two, and lose himself
feeling, which grew with the minutes, in the crowd. Young Pounceby-Green
that he would never be able to get rid of with equal gratitude left his father
him and go in search of Old Austinian talking to the Head, and shot off
number three, his bosom friend. without ceremony to get a good place at
At other intervals, present Austinians the ropes. In fact, there was a general
of tender years were manoeuvring half- stir of anticipation, and all round the
companies of sisters, aunts, and ring paterfamilias was asking his son
mothers, and trying without much and heir which was Drake and which
success to pretend that they did not Thomson, and settling his glasses more
belong to them. A pretence which came firmly on the bridge of his nose.
down heavily when one of the aunts The staff of The Glow Worm
addressed them as Willie or Phil, conducted Jim to the starting-place, and
and wanted to know audibly if that boy did their best to relieve his obvious
who had just passed (the one person in nervousness with light conversation.
the School whom they happened to hate Eh, old chap? said Jim. He had
and despise) was their best friend. It been saying Eh? to everything
was a little trying, too, to have to throughout the afternoon.
explain in the middle of a crowd that I said, Is my hat on straight, and
the reason why you were not running in does it suit the colour of my eyes?"
that race (the under thirteen hundred, said Charteris.
by Jove, which ought to have been a Oh, yes. Yes, rather. Ripping, in a
gift to you, only, etc.) was because you far-off voice.
had been ignominiously knocked out in And have you a theory of the
the trial heats. Universe?
In short, the afternoon wore on. Eh, old chap?
Welch won the hundred by two yards I said, Did you want your legs
THE SPORTS 51
rubbed before you start? I believe its applause greeted the runners as they
an excellent specific for the gout. started on the second lap, and it was
Gout? What? No, I dont think so, significant that while Jims supporters
thanks. shouted, Well run, those of Drake
And youll write to us sometimes, were fain to substitute advice for
Jim, and give my love to little Henry, approval, and cry Go it. Drake,
and always wear flannel next your skin, however, had not the least intention of
my dear boy? said Charteris. going it in the generally accepted
This seemed to strike even Jim as meaning of the phrase. A yard or two
irrelevant. to the rear meant nothing in the first lap,
Do shut up for goodness sake, and he was running quite well enough
Alderman, he said irritably. Why to satisfy himself, with a nice, springy
cant you go and rag somebody else? stride, which he hoped would begin to
My place is by your side. Go, my tell soon.
son, or else theyll be starting without With the end of the second lap the
you. Give us your blazer. And take my real business of the race began, for the
tip, the tip of an old runner, and dont survival of the fittest had resulted in
pocket your opponents ball in your eliminations and changes of order. Jim
own twenty-five. And come back still led, but now by only eight or nine
victorious, or on the shields of your yards. Drake had come up to second,
soldiers. All right, sir (to the starter), and Adamson had dropped to a bad
hes just making his will. Good-bye third. Two of the runners had given the
Jim. Buck up, or Ill lynch you after the race up, and retired, and the last man
race. was a long way behind, and, to all
Jim answered by muffling him in his practical purposes, out of the running.
blazer, and walking to the line. There There were only three laps, and, as the
were six competitors in all, each of last lap began, the pace quickened, fast
whom owned a name ranking as it had been before. Jim was exerting
alphabetically higher than Thomson. every particle of his strength. He was
Jim, therefore, had the outside berth. not a runner who depended overmuch
Drake had the one next to the inside, on his final dash. He hoped to gain so
which fell to Adamson, the victim of much ground before Drake made his
the lost two pounds episode. sprint as to neutralize it when it came.
Both Drake and Jim got off well at Adamson he did not fear.
the sound of the pistol, and the pace And now they were in the last two
was warm from the start. Jim evidently hundred yards, Jim by this time some
had his eye on the inside berth, and, thirty yards ahead, but in great straits.
after half a lap had been completed, he Drake had quickened his pace, and
got it, Drake falling back. Jim gained slowly on him. As they rounded
continued to make the running, and led the corner and came into the straight,
at the end of the first lap by about five the cheers were redoubled. It was a
yards. Then came Adamson, followed great race. Then, fifty yards from the
by a batch of three, and finally Drake, tape, Drake began his final sprint. If he
taking things exceedingly coolly, a had saved himself before, he made up
couple of yards behind them. The for it now. The gap dwindled and
distance separating him from Jim was dwindled. Neither could improve his
little over a dozen yards. A roar of pace. It was a question whether there
52 THE POTHUNTERS
was enough of the race left for Drake to there might be some way out of the
catch his man, or whether he had once difficulty. He asked Tonys advice on
more left his sprint till too late. Jim the subject. Tony was perplexed. The
could hear the roars of the spectators, situation was beyond his grip.
and the frenzied appeals of Merevales I dont see what you can do, Jim,
House to him to sprint, but he was he said, unless the Rugby chapll be
already doing his utmost. Everything satisfied with a pound on account. Its
seemed black to him, a black, surging a beastly business. Do you think your
mist, and in its centre a thin white line, pater will give you your money all the
the tape. Could he reach it before same as it was such a close finish?
Drake? Or would he collapse before he Jim thought not. In fact, he was
reached it? There were only five more certain that he would not, and Tony
yards to go now, and still he led. Four. relapsed into silence as he tried to bring
Three. Two. Then something white another idea to the surface. He had not
swept past him on the right, the white succeeded when Charteris came in.
line quivered, snapped, and vanished, Jim, he said you have my
and he pitched blindly forward on to the sympathy. It was an awfully near
turf at the track-side. Drake had won thing. But Ive got something more
by a foot. solid than sympathy. I will take a seat.
Dont rag, Charteris, said Tony.
Its much too serious.
AN INTERESTING Whos ragging, you rotter? I say I
have something more solid than
INTERVIEW sympathy, and instead of giving me an
opening, as a decent individual would,
For the rest of the afternoon Jim had
by saying, What? you accuse me of
a wretched time. To be beaten after
ragging. James, my son, if you will
such a race by a foot, and to be beaten
postpone your suicide for two minutes,
by a foot when victory would have cut
I will a tale unfold. I have an idea.
the Gordian knot of his difficulties once
Well?
and for all, was enough to embitter
Thats more like it. Now you are
anybodys existence. He found it hard
talking. We will start at the beginning.
to accept the well-meant condolences of
First, you want a pound. So do I.
casual acquaintances, and still harder to
Secondly, you want it before next
do the right thing and congratulate
Tuesday. Thirdly, you havent it on
Drake on his victory, a refinement of
you. How, therefore, are you to get it?
self-torture which is by custom
As the song hath it, you dont know,
expected of the vanquished in every
they dont know, butnow we come to
branch of work or sport. But he
the pointI do know.
managed it somehow, and he also
Yes? said Jim and Tony together.
managed to appear reasonably gratified
It is a luminous idea. Why
when he went up to take his prize for
shouldnt we publish a special number
the half-mile. Tony and the others, who
of The Glow Worm before the end of
knew what his defeat meant to him,
term?
kept out of his way, for which he was
Jim was silent at the brilliance of the
grateful. After lock-up, however, it was
scheme. Then doubts began to harass
a different matter, but by that time he
him.
was more ready for society. Even now
AN INTERESTING INTERVIEW 53
Here the Head, who had an eye to a trespasser, and ought from your point
the humorous, conjured up a picture of of view to be punished for breaking
six hundred Austinians going for walks, bounds.
two and two, the staff posted at The Head suddenly looked almost
intervals down the procession, and cheerful again.
himself bringing up the rear. He made Of course, he said, of course. I
a mental mem. to laugh when his visitor thought that there must be an
had retired. explanation. The rules respecting
Hm, said the baffled M.P. bounds, Sir Alfred, do not apply to
thoughtfully, adjusting his pince-nez School-prefects, only to the rest of the
once more. M no. No, perhaps not. School.
Buthere he brightened upyou can Indeed? said Sir Alfred. His tone
punish them when they do trespass. should have warned the Head that
That is so, Sir Alfred. I can and something more was coming, but it did
invariably do. not. He continued.
Then punish that whats-his-name, Of course it was very wrong of him
Plinkett, PlunkettIve got the name to trespass on your land, but I have no
down somewhere. Yes, Plunkett. I doubt that he did it quite
thought so. Punish Plunkett. unintentionally. I will speak to him,
Plunkett! said the Head, taken and I think I can guarantee that he will
completely by surprise. He, in common not do it again.
with the rest of the world, had imagined Oh, said his visitor. That is very
Plunkett to be a perfect pattern of what gratifying, I am sure. Might I ask, Mr
should be. A headmaster, like other Perceval, if School-prefects at St
judges of character, has his failures. Austins have any other privileges?
Plunkett. Yes, that is the name. The Head began to look puzzled.
Boy with spectacles. Good gracious, There was something in his visitors
Mr Perceval, dont tell me the boy gave manner which suggested unpleasant
me a false name. possibilities.
No. His name is Plunkett. Am I to A few, he replied. They have a
understand that he was trespassing on few technical privileges, which it would
your land? Surely there is some be a matter of some little time to
mistake? The boys a School-prefect. explain.
Here it suddenly flashed upon his It must be very pleasant to be a
mind that he had used that expression prefect at St Austins, said Sir Alfred
before in the course of the day, on the nastily. Very pleasant indeed. Might I
occasion when Mr Thompson first told ask, Mr Perceval, if the technical
him of his suspicions in connection with privileges to which you refer include-
Jim. Why, Mr Thompson, the boys a smoking?
School-prefect, had been his exact The Head started as if, supposing
words. School-prefects had been in his such a thing possible, someone had
eyes above suspicion. It is a bad day pinched him. He did not know what to
for a school when they are not so. Had make of the question. From the
that day arrived for St Austins? he expression on his face his visitor did not
asked himself. appear to be perpetrating a joke.
He may be a School-prefect, Mr No, he said sharply, they do not
Perceval, but the fact remains that he is include smoking.
SIR ALFRED SCORES 59
off at right angles towards the hedge on Whoa! The last remark was addressed
the left. As he did so, the first of the to a bored-looking horse attached to the
crowd entered the field. Simpson mowing-machine. From the expression
major, wearing the colours of Perkinss on its face, the animal evidently voted
House on his manly bosom, was the whole process pure foolishness. He
leading. Behind him came a group of pulled up without hesitation, and Biffen
four, two School House, Dallas of turned to Jim again.
Wards, and a representative of Surely they aint come back yet?
Praters. A minute later they were he said.
followed by a larger group, consisting I have, said Jim. I did myself up
this time of twenty or more runnersall rather in the mile yesterday, and
that was left of the fifty who had couldnt keep up the pace. I dropped
started. The rest had dropped out at the out at that awfully long ploughed field
sight of the ploughed field. by Parkers Spinney.
Jim watched the procession vanish Biffen nodded.
over the brow of the hill, and, as it And oo was winning, sir?
passed out of sight, began to walk Well, Welch was leading, the last I
slowly back to the School again. saw of it. Shouldnt wonder if he won
He reached it at last, only to find it either. He was going all right. I say,
almost entirely deserted. In Merevales the place seems absolutely deserted.
House there was nobody. He had hoped Isnt anybody about?
that Charteris and Tony might have Just what Mr MacArthur was saying
been somewhere about. When he had to me just this minute, sir. E went into
changed into his ordinary clothes, he the Pavilion.
made a tour of the School grounds. The Good. Ill go and hunt for him.
only sign of life, as far as he could see, Biffen clicked the blase horse into
was Biffen, who was superintending the movement again. Jim went to the
cutting of the grass on the cricket-field. Pavilion and met the Babe coming
During the winter Biffen always down the steps.
disappeared, nobody knew where, Hullo, Babe! I was looking for
returning at the beginning of Sports you.
Week to begin preparations for the Hullo! Why arent you running?
following cricket season. It had been Dropped out. Come and have tea in
stated that during the winter he shut my study.
himself up and lived on himself after No, Ill tell you what. You come
the fashion of a bear. Others believed back with me. Ive got rather a decent
that he went and worked in some Welsh dog I want to show you. Only got him
mine until he was needed again at the yesterday.
School. Biffen himself was not Jim revelled in dogs, so he agreed
communicative on the subject, a fact instantly. The Babe lived with his
which led a third party to put forward parents in a big house about a mile from
the awful theory that he was a the College, and in so doing was the
professional association player and object of much envy amongst those who
feared to mention his crime in a school had to put up with life at the Houses.
which worshipped Rugby. Jim had been to his home once or twice
Why, Mr Thomson, he said, as Jim before, and had always had a very good
came up, I thought you was running. time indeed there. The two strolled off.
THE LONG RUN 63
In another hour the place began to show The last man and lock-up arrived
signs of life again. The School began to almost simultaneously, and the Head
return by ones and twos, most of them went off to a well-earned dinner.
taking up a position near the big gates. He had just finished this meal, and
This was where the race was to finish. was congratulating himself on not being
There was a straight piece of road about obliged to spend the evening in a series
two hundred yards in length before the of painful interviews, as had happened
high road was reached. It was a sight the night before, when Parker, the
worth seeing when the runners, paced butler, entered the room.
by their respective Houses on each side Well, Parker, what is it? asked he.
of the road, swept round the corner, and Mr Roberts, sir, wishes to see you.
did their best to sprint with all that was For a moment the Head was at a
left in them after ten miles of difficult loss. He could not recall any friend or
country. Suddenly a distant shouting acquaintance of that name. Then he
began to be heard. The leaders had remembered that Roberts was the name
been sighted. The noise increased, of the detective who had come down
growing nearer and nearer, until at last from London to look into the matter of
it swelled into a roar, and a black mass the prizes.
of runners turned the corner. In the Very well, he said, resignedly,
midst of the black was one white figure show him into the study.
Welch, as calm and unruffled as if he Parker bowed, and retired. The
had been returning from a short trot to Head, after an interval, followed him,
improve his wind. Merevales surged and made his way to the study.
round him in a cheering mob. Welch
simply disregarded them. He knew
where he wished to begin his sprint, and MR ROBERTS
he would begin it at that spot and no
other. The spot he had chosen was well EXPLAINS
within a hundred yards from the gates.
Inspector Roberts was standing with
When he reached it, he let himself go,
his back to the door, examining a
and from the uproar, the crowd
photograph of the College, when the
appeared to be satisfied. A long pause,
Head entered. He spun round briskly.
and still none of the other runners
Good evening, Mr Roberts. Pray be
appeared. Five minutes went by before
seated. You wish to see me?
they began to appear. First Jones, of the
The detective took a seat.
School House, and Simpson, who raced
This business of the cups, sir.
every yard of the way, and finished in
Ah! said the Head, have you made
the order named, and then three of
any progress?
Philpotts House in a body. The rest
Considerable. Yes, very
dropped in at intervals for the next
considerable progress. Ive found out
quarter of an hour.
who stole them.
The Headmaster always made a
You have? cried the Head.
point of watching the finish of the
Excellent. I suppose it was Thomson,
cross-country run. Indeed, he was
then? I was afraid so.
generally one of the last to leave. With
Thomson, sir? That was certainly
the majority of the spectators it was
not the name he gave me. Stokes he
enough to see the first five safely in.
called himself.
64 THE POTHUNTERS
place, a sort of store where he used to and I took the opportunity of scaring
keep all the game he killed. He him more. Told him nothing would
described the place to me. It is a big happen this time, if the cups came back
tree on the bank of the stream nearest safely, but that hed be watched ever
the high road. The tree is hollow. One afterwards to see he did not get into
has to climb to find the opening to it. mischief. Of course he wont really be
Inside are the cups, and, I should say, a watched, you understand, but he thinks
good deal of mixed poultry. That is he will. Which is better, for it saves
what he told me, sir. I should advise trouble. Besides, we know where the
you, if I may say so, to write a note to cups areI feel sure he was speaking
Sir Alfred Venner, explaining the case, the truth about them, he was too
and ask him to search the tree, and send frightened to invent a storyand here is
the cups on here. most of the money. So it all ends well,
This idea did not appeal to the Head if I may put it so. My advice, sir, and I
at all. Why, he thought bitterly, was think you will find it good adviceis
this wretched M.P. always mixed up not to prosecute.
with his affairs? Left to himself, he Very well, said the Head, I will
could have existed in perfect comfort not.
without either seeing, writing to, or Very good, sir. Good morning,
hearing from the great man again for sir. And he left the room.
the rest of his life. I will think it over, The Head rang the bell.
he said, though it seems the only thing Parker, said he, go across to Mr
to be done. As for Stokes, I suppose I Merevales, and ask him to send
must prosecute Thomson to me.
The detective raised a hand in It was with mixed feelings that he
protest. awaited Jims arrival. The detectives
Pardon my interruption, sir, but I story had shown how unjust had been
really should advise you not to his former suspicions, and he felt
prosecute. distinctly uncomfortable at the prospect
Indeed! Why? of the apology which he felt bound to
It is this way. If you prosecute, you make to him. On the other hand, this
get the man his term of imprisonment. feeling was more than equalled by his
A year, probably. Well and good. But relief at finding that his faith in the
then what happens? After his sentence virtue of the genus School-prefect,
has run out, he comes out of prison an though at fault in the matter of Plunkett,
ex-convict. Tries to get work. No was not altogether misplaced. It made
good. Nobody will look at him. Asks up for a good deal. Then his thoughts
for a job. People lock up their spoons drifted to Sir Alfred Venner. Struggle
and shout for the police. What happens with his feelings as he might, the Head
then? Not being able to get work, tries could not endure that local potentate.
another burglary. Being a clumsy hand The recent interview between them had
at the game, gets caught again and sent had no parallel in their previous
back to prison, and so is ruined and acquaintance, but the Head had always
becomes a danger to society. Now, if felt vaguely irritated by his manner and
he is let off this time, he will go straight speech, and he had always feared that
for the rest of his life. Run a mile to matters would come to a head sooner or
avoid a silver cup. Hes badly scared, later. The prospect of opening
MR ROBERTS EXPLAINS 67
foolish enough to risk expulsion in such clearly to him. Sorry to disturb you,
a way. Welch. I know you are tired.
Mr Merevale always rather enjoyed Not at all, sir, said Welch, politely.
his straight talks with the Headmaster. But there is something we must ask
Unlike most of his colleagues he stood you. You probably do not know that
in no awe of him whatever. He always Thomson has not returned?
found him ready to listen to sound Not returned!
argument, and, what was better, willing No. Nobody knows where he is.
to be convinced. It was so in this case. You were probably the last to see him.
Then I think we may dismiss that What happened when you and he
idea, said the Head with visible relief. started for the long run this afternoon?
The idea of such a scandal occurring at You lost sight of the rest, did you not?
St Austins had filled him with Yes, sir.
unfeigned horror. And now I think it Well?
would be as well to go across to your And Thomson dropped out.
House and hear what Welch has to say Ah. This from the Headmaster.
about the matter. Unless Thomson Yes, sir. He said he couldnt go any
returns soonand it is already past nine farther. He told me to go on. And, of
oclockwe shall have to send out course, I did, as it was a race. I advised
search-parties. him to go back to the House and
Five minutes later Welch, enjoying a change. He looked regularly done up. I
sound beauty-sleep, began to be think he ran too hard in the mile
possessed of a vague idea that yesterday.
somebody was trying to murder him. The Head spoke.
His subsequent struggles for life I thought that some such thing must
partially woke him, and enabled him to have happened. Where was it that he
see dimly that two figures were dropped out, Welch?
standing by his bed. It was just as we came to a long
Yes? he murmured sleepily, ploughed field, sir, by the side of a big
turning over on to his side again, and wood.
preparing to doze off. The shaking Parkers Spinney, I expect, put in
continued. This was too much. Look Merevale.
here, said he fiercely, sitting up. Then Yes, sir. About a mile from the
he recognized his visitors. As his eye College.
fell on Merevale, he wondered whether And you saw nothing more of him
anything had occurred to bring down after that? enquired the Headmaster.
his wrath upon him. Perhaps he had No, sir. He was lying on his back
gone to bed without leave, and was when I left him. I should think some of
being routed out to read at prayers or do the others must have seen him after I
some work? No, he remembered did. He didnt look as if he was likely
distinctly getting permission to turn in. to get up for some time.
What then could be the matter? Well, said the Head, as he and
At this point he recognized the Merevale went out of the room, leaving
Headmaster, and the last mists of sleep Welch to his slumbers, we have gained
left him. little by seeing Welch. I had hoped for
Yes, sir? he said, wide-awake now. something more. I must send the
Merevale put the case briefly and prefects out to look for Thomson at
70 THE POTHUNTERS
door, pondering darkly within himself. Daintree moving off together in the
WELL PROCEED TO SEARCH opposite direction.
FOR THOMSON IF HE BE ABOVE This is jolly rum, said Tony, as
THE GROUND they entered the Spinney. I wonder
How sweet the moonlight sleeps on where the deuce the man has got to?
yonder haystack, observed Charteris Yes. Its beastly serious, really, but
poetically, as he and Tony, Im hanged if I can help feeling as if I
accompanied by Swift and Daintree, were out on a picnic. I suppose its the
made their way across the fields to night air.
Parkers Spinney. Each carried a I wonder if we shall find him?
bicycle lamp, and at irregular intervals Not the slightest chance in my
each broke into piercing yells, to the opinion. Theres not the least good in
marked discomfort of certain birds looking through this forsaken Spinney.
roosting in the neighbourhood, who Still, wed better do it.
burst noisily from the trees, and made Yes. Dont make a row. Were
their way with visible disgust to quieter trespassing.
spots. They moved on in silence. Half-way
Theres one thing, said Swift, we through the wood Charteris caught his
ought to hear him if he yells on a night foot in a hole and fell.
like this. A yell ought to travel about a Hurt? said Tony.
mile. Only in spirit, thanks. The absolute
Suppose we try one now, said dashed foolishness of this is being
Charteris. Now. A concerted piece, rapidly borne in upon me, Tony. What
andante in six-eight time. Ready? is the good of it? We shant find him
The next moment the stillness of the here.
lovely spring night was shattered by a Tony put his foot down upon these
hideous uproar. opinions with exemplary promptitude.
R.S.V.P., said Charteris to space in We must go on trying. Hang it all,
general, as the echoes died away. But if it comes to the worst, its better than
there was no answer, though they frousting indoors.
waited several minutes on the chance of Tony, youre a philosopher. Lead
hearing some sound that would indicate on, Macduff.
Jims whereabouts. Tony was about to do so, when a
If he didnt hear that, observed form appeared in front of him, blocking
Tony, he cant be within three miles, the way. He flashed his lamp at the
thats a cert. Wed better separate, I form, and the form, prefacing its
think. remarks with a good, honest swearword
They were at the ploughed field by of a variety peculiar to that part of the
Parkers Spinney now. countryrequested him, without any
Anybody got a coin? asked affectation of ceremonious courtesy, to
Daintree. Lets toss for directions. take his something-or-other lamp out of
Charteris produced a shilling. his (the forms) whats-its-named face,
My ewe lamb, he said. Tails. and state his business briefly.
Tails it was. Charteris expressed his Surely I know that voice, said
intention of striking westward and Charteris. Archibald, my long-lost
drawing the Spinney. He and Tony brother.
made their way thither, Swift and The keeper failed to understand him,
72 THE POTHUNTERS
Where are you going now? on the list has been sent out to look for
Babes place, of course. The Babe him. When did he leave here?
holds the clue to this business. We The Babe reflected.
must get it out of him. Night, Biffen. Six, I should think. Little after,
Good-night, sir. perhaps. Whyoh Lord!
Arrived at the Babes residence, they He broke off suddenly.
rang the bell, and, in the interval of Whats up? asked Tony.
waiting for the door to be opened, Why I sent him by a short cut
listened with envy to certain sounds of through some woods close by here, and
revelry which filtered through the Ive only just remembered theres a sort
windows of a room to the right of the of quarry in the middle of them. Ill bet
porch. hes in there.
The Babe seems to be making a Great Scott, man, what sort of a
night of it, said Charteris. Ohas quarry? I like the calm way the Babe
the servant opened the doorcan we talks of sending unsuspecting friends
see Mr MacArthur, please? into quarries. Deep?
The servant looked doubtful on the Not very, thank goodness. Still, if
point. he fell down he might not be able to get
Theres company tonight, sir. up again, especially if hed hurt himself
I knew he was making a night of it, at all. Half a second. Let me get on
said Charteris to Tony. Its not Mr some boots, and Ill come out and look.
MacArthur we want to see. Itsdash Shant be long.
it, whats the Babes name? When he came back, the three of
Robert, I believe. Wouldnt swear them set out for the quarry.
to it. There you are, cried the Babe, with
Mr Robert. Is he in? It seemed to an entirely improper pride in his voice,
Charteris that the form of this question considering the circumstances. What
smacked of Ollendorf. He half did I tell you? Out of the darkness in
expected the servant to say No, but he front of them came a shout. They
has the mackintosh of his brothers recognized the voice at once as Jims.
cousin. It produced the desired effect, Tony uttered a yell of
however, for after inviting them to step encouragement, and was darting
in, the servant disappeared, and the forward to the spot from which the cry
Babe came on the scene, wearing a had come, when the Babe stopped him.
singularly prosperous expression, as if Dont do that, man, he said. Youll
he had dined well. be over yourself, if you dont look out.
Hullo, you chaps, he said. Its quite close here.
Sir to you, said Charteris. Look He flashed one of the lamps in front
here, Babe, we want to know what you of him. The light fell on a black
have done with Jim. He was seen by opening in the ground, and Jims voice
competent witnesses to go off with you, sounded once more from the bowels of
and hes not come back. If youve the earth, this time quite close to where
murdered him, you might let us have they stood.
the body. Jim, shouted Charteris, where are
Not come back! Rot. Are you you?
certain? Hullo, said the voice, whos that?
My dear chap, every House-prefect You might lug me out of here.
74 THE POTHUNTERS
Are you hurt? the Babes fathers house, and the last
Twisted my ankle. Tony and Charteris saw of Jim, he was
How far down are you? the centre of attraction, and appeared to
Not far. Ten feet, about. Cant you be enjoying himself very much.
get me out? Charteris envied him, and did not
Half a second, said the Babe, Ill mind saying so.
go and get help. You chaps had better Why cant I smash my ankle? he
stay here and talk to him. He ran off. demanded indignantly of Tony.
How many of you are there up He was nearing section five, sub-
there? asked Jim. section three, of his discourse, when
Only Tony and myself, said they reached Merevales gates. It was
Charteris. after eleven, but they felt that the news
Thought I heard somebody else. they were bringing entitled them to be a
Oh, that was the Babe. Hes gone little late. Charteris brought his
off to get help. arguments to a premature end, and
Oh. When he comes back, wring Tony rang the bell. Merevale himself
his neck, and heave him down here, opened the door to them.
said Jim. I want a word with him on
the subject of short cuts. I say, is there
much excitement about this? IN WHICH THE
Rather. All the House-prefects are
out after you. Weve been looking in AFFAIRS OF VARIOUS
Parkers Spinney, and Tony was PERSONS ARE WOUND
reluctantly compelled to knock out a
keeper who tried to stop us. You UP
should have been there. It was a rag.
Well, he said, youre rather late.
Wish I had been. Hullo, is that the
Any luck?
Babe come back?
Weve found him, sir, said Tony.
It was. The Babe, with his father
Really? Thats a good thing.
and a party of friends arrayed in
Where was he?
evening dress. They carried a ladder
Hed fallen down a sort of quarry
amongst them.
place near where MacArthur lives.
The pungent remarks Jim had
MacArthur took him home with him to
intended to address to the Babe had no
tea, and sent him back by a short cut,
opportunity of active service. It was not
forgetting all about the quarry, and
the Babe who carried him up the ladder,
Thomson fell in and couldnt get out
but two of the dinner-party. Nor did the
again.
Babe have a hand in the carrying of the
Is he hurt?
stretcher. That was done by as many of
Only twisted his ankle, sir.
the evening-dress brigade as could get
Then where is he now?
near enough. They seemed to enjoy it.
They carried him back to the
One of them remarked that it reminded
house.
him of South Africa. To which another
MacArthurs house?
replied that it was far more like a party
Yes, sir.
of policemen gathering in an early
Oh, well, I suppose he will be all
drunk in the Marylebone Road. The
right then. Graham, just go across and
procession moved on its stately way to
report to the Headmaster, will you?
IN WHICH THE AFFAIRS OF VARIOUS PERSONS ARE WOUND UP 75
Youll find him in his study. Rugby football, its merits and demerits.
The Head was immensely relieved to The Head, after several vain attempts to
hear Tonys narrative. After much jerk the conversation into other grooves,
internal debate he had at last come to gave it up, and listened for some ten
the conclusion that Jim must have run minutes to a series of anecdotes about
away, and he had been wondering how various friends and acquaintances of
he should inform his father of the fact. Mrs MacArthurs who had either
You are certain that he is not badly twisted their own ankles or known
hurt, Graham? he said, when Tony had people who had twisted theirs. The
finished his story. Head began to forget what exactly he
Yes, sir. Its only his ankle. had come to say that afternoon. Jim lay
Very good. Good-night, Graham. and grinned covertly through it all.
The Head retired to bed that night When the Head did speak, his first
filled with a virtuous resolve to seek words roused him effectually.
Jim out on the following day, and speak I suppose, Mrs MacArthur, your son
a word in season to him on the subject has told you that we have had a
of crime in general and betting in burglary at the School?
particular. This plan he proceeded to Hang it, thought Jim, this isnt
carry out as soon as afternoon school playing the game at all. Why talk shop,
was over. When, however, he had especially that particular brand of shop,
arrived at the Babes house, he found here? He wondered if the Head
that there was one small thing which he intended to describe the burglary, and
had left out of his calculations. He had then spring to his feet with a dramatic
counted on seeing the invalid alone. On wave of the hand towards him, and say,
entering the sick-room he found there There, Mrs MacArthur, is the
Mrs MacArthur, looking as if she criminal! There lies the viper on whom
intended to remain where she sat for you have lavished your hospitality, the
several hourswhich, indeed, actually snaky and systematic serpent you have
was her intentionand Miss been induced by underhand means to
MacArthur, whose face and attitude pity. Look upon him, and loathe him.
expressed the same, only, if anything, He stole the cups!
more so. The fact was that the Babe, a Yes, indeed, replied Mrs
very monument of resource on MacArthur, I have heard a great deal
occasions, had, as he told Jim, given about it. I suppose you have never
them the tip not to let the Old Man get found out who it was that did it?
at him, unless he absolutely chucked Jim lay back resignedly. After all,
them out, you know. When he had he had not done it, and if the Head liked
seen the Headmaster approaching, he to say he had, well, let him. He didnt
had gone hurriedly to Jims room to care.
mention the fact, with excellent results. Yes, Mrs MacArthur, we have
The Head took a seat by the bed, and managed to discover him.
asked, with a touch of nervousness, And who was it? asked Mrs
after the injured ankle. This induced MacArthur, much interested.
Mrs MacArthur to embark on a Now for it, said Jim to himself.
disquisition concerning the ease with We found that it was a man living in
which ankles are twisted, from which the village, who had been doing some
she drifted easily into a discussion of work on the School grounds. He had
76 THE POTHUNTERS
evidently noticed the value of the cups, divinity which hedges a detective, had
and determined to try his hand at persuaded a keeper to lead him to the
appropriating them. He is well known tree where, as Mr Stokes had said, the
as a poacher in the village, it seems. I cups had been deposited.
think that for the future he will confine The Heads first act, on getting the
himself to thatahindustry, for he is cups, was to send for Welch, to whom
hardly likely ever toahshine as a by right of conquest they belonged.
professional house-breaker. No. Welch arrived shortly before Barrett.
Oh, well, that must be a relief to The Head was just handing him his
you, I am sure, Mr Perceval. These prizes when the latter came into the
poachers are a terrible nuisance. They room. It speaks well for Barretts
do frighten the birds so. presence of mind that he had grasped
She spoke as if it were an unamiable the situation and decided on his line of
eccentricity on the part of the poachers, action before Welch went, and the Head
which they might be argued out of, if turned his attention to him.
the matter were put before them in a Well, Barrett? said the Head.
reasonable manner. The Head agreed If you please, sir, said Barrett,
with her and rose to go. Jim watched blandly, may I have leave to go to
him out of the room and then breathed a Stapleton?
deep, satisfying breath of relief. His Certainly, Barrett. Why do you
troubles were at an end. wish to go?
In the meantime Barrett, who, This was something of a poser, but
having no inkling as to the rate at which Barretts brain worked quickly.
affairs had been progressing since his I wanted to send a telegram, sir.
visit to the Dingle, still imagined that Very well. Butwith suspicion
the secret of the hollow tree belonged why did you not ask Mr Philpott?
exclusively to Reade, himself, and one Your House-master can give you leave
other, was much exercised in his mind to go to Stapleton.
about it. Reade candidly confessed I couldnt find him, sir. This was
himself baffled by the problem. Give true, for he had not looked.
him something moderately Ah. Very well.
straightforward, and he was all right. Thank you, sir.
This secret society and dark lantern And Barrett went off to tell Reade
style of affair was, he acknowledged, that in some mysterious manner the
beyond him. And so it came about that cups had come back on their own
Barrett resolved to do the only thing he account.
could think of, and go to the Head about When Jim had congratulated himself
it. But before he had come to this that everything had ended happily, at
decision, the Head had received another any rate as far as he himself was
visit from Mr Roberts, as a result of concerned, he had forgotten for the
which the table where Sir Alfred moment that at present he had only one
Venner had placed Plunketts pipe and pound to his credit instead of the two
other accessories so dramatically during which he needed. Charteris, however,
a previous interview, now bore another had not. The special number of The
burdenthe missing cups. Glow Worm was due on the following
Mr Roberts had gone to the Dingle day, and Jims accident left a
in person, and, by adroit use of the considerable amount of copy to be
IN WHICH THE AFFAIRS OF VARIOUS PERSONS ARE WOUND UP 77
accounted for. He questioned Tony on better start now. He did, and with
the subject. success. When he went to bed at half-
Look here, Tony, have you time to past ten, The Glow Worm was ready in
do any more stuff for The Glow Worm? manuscript. Only the copying and
My dear chap, said Tony, Ive not printing remained to be done.
half done my own bits. Ask Welch. Charteris was out of bed and in the
I asked him just now. He cant. study just as eleven struck. Tony and
Besides, he only writes at about the rate Welch, arriving half-an-hour later,
of one word a minute, and we must get found him hard at work copying out an
it all in by tonight at bed-time. Im article of topical interest in a fair, round
going to sit up as it is to jellygraph it. hand, quite unrecognizable as his own.
Whats up? It was an impressive scene. The gas
Tonys face had assumed an had been cut off, as it always was when
expression of dismay. the House went to bed, and they worked
Why, he said, Great Scott, I never by the light of candles. Occasionally
thought of it before. If we jellygraph it, Welch, breathing heavily in his efforts
our handwritingll be recognized, and to make his handwriting look like that
that will give the whole show away. of a member of a board-school (second
Charteris took a seat, and faced this standard), blew one or more of the
difficulty in all its aspects. The idea candles out, and the others grunted
had never occurred to him before. And fiercely. That was all they could do,
yet it should have been obvious. for, for evident reasons, a vow of
Ill have to copy the whole thing out silence had been imposed. Charteris
in copper-plate, he said desperately at was the first to finish. He leant back in
last. My aunt, what a job. his chair, and the chair, which at a
Ill help, said Tony. Welch will, reasonable hour of the day would have
too, I should think, if you ask him. endured any treatment, collapsed now
How many jelly machine things can you with a noise like a pistol-shot.
raise? Now youve done it, said Tony,
Ive got three. One for each of us. breaking all rules by speaking
Wait a bit, Ill go and ask Welch. considerably above a whisper.
Welch, having first ascertained that Welch went to the door, and
the matter really was a pressing one, listened. The House was still. They
agreed without hesitation. He had settled down once more to work.
objections to spoiling his sleep without Charteris lit the spirit-lamp, and began
reason, but in moments of emergency to prepare the meal. The others toiled
he put comfort behind him. painfully on at their round-hand. They
Good, said Charteris, when this finished almost simultaneously.
had been settled, be here as soon as Not another stroke do I do, said
you can after eleven. I tell you what, Tony, till Ive had something to drink.
well do the thing in style, and brew. It Is that water boiling yet?
oughtnt to take more than an hour or It was at exactly a quarter past two
so. Itll be rather a rag than otherwise. that the work was finished.
And how about Jims stuff? asked Never again, said Charteris,
Welch. looking with pride at the piles of Glow
I shall have to do that, as you cant. Worms stacked on the table; this jelly
Ive done my own bits. I think Id business makes one beastly sticky. I
78 THE POTHUNTERS
A PREFECTS UNCLE
by P. G. Wodehouse
1903
80 A PREFECT'S UNCLE
[Dedication]
TO W. TOWNEND
CONTENTS 81
Contents
1 Term Begins
2 Introduces an Unusual Uncle
3 The Uncle Makes Himself at Home
4 Pringle Makes a Sporting Offer
5 Farnie Gets Into Trouble
6 and Stays There
7 The Bishop Goes For a Ride
8 The M.C.C. Match
9 The Bishop Finishes His Ride
10 In Which a Case is Fully Discussed
11 Poetry and Stump-cricket
12 We, the Undersigned
13 Leicesters House Team Goes Into a Second Edition
14 Norris Takes a Short Holiday
15 Versus Charchester (at Charchester)
16 A Disputed Authorship
17 The Winter Term
18 The Bishop Scores
82 A PREFECT'S UNCLE
Leicesters was in a bad way. that if he would consent to make his tea
The Powers that Be, however, were with water that wasnt two degrees
relying on Gethryn to effect some below lukewarm, and bring on his
improvement. He was in the Sixth, the muffins cooked instead of raw, and
First Fifteen, and the First Eleven. Also supply some butter to eat with them, I
a backbone was included in his might look him up now and then.
anatomy, and if he made up his mind to Otherwise it couldnt be done at the
a thing, that thing generally happened. price. But what did he want you for,
The Rev. James Beckett, the really?
Headmaster of Beckford, had formed a He was ragging me about the
very fair estimate of Gethryns House. Quite right, too. You know,
capabilities, and at the moment when theres no doubt about it, Leicesters
Marriott was drawing the field for the does want bucking up.
missing one, that worthy was sitting in Were going to get the cricket cup,
the Headmasters study with a cup in said Marriott, for the defence.
his right hand and a muffin (half-eaten) We may. If it wasnt for the Houses
in his left, drinking in tea and wisdom in between. School House and
simultaneously. The Head was doing Jephsons especially. And anyhow,
most of the talking. He had led up to thats not what I meant. The games are
the subject skilfully, and, once reached, all right. Its
he did not leave it. The text of his The moral je-ne-sas-quoi, so to
discourse was the degeneracy of speak, said Marriott. Thatll be all
Leicesters. right. Wait till we get at em. What I
Now, you know, Gethrynanother want you to turn your great brain to
muffin? Help yourself. You know, now is this letter.
Reynoldswell, he was a capital boy in He produced a letter from his
his way, capital, and Im sure we shall pocket. Dont you bar chaps who
all miss him very muchbut he was show you their letters? he said. This
not a good head of a House. He was was written by an aunt of mine. I dont
weak. Much too weak. Too easy- want to inflict the whole lot on you.
going. You must avoid that, Gethryn. Just look at line four. You see what she
Reynolds.... And much more in the says: A boy is coming to Mr
same vein. Gethryn left the room half Leicesters House this term, whom I
an hour later full of muffins and good particularly wish you to befriend. He is
resolutions. He met Marriott at the the son of a great friend of a friend of
fives-courts. mine, and is a nice, bright little fellow,
Where have you been to? asked very jolly and full of spirits."
Marriott. Ive been looking for you all That means, interpolated Gethryn
over the shop. grimly, that he is up to the eyes in
I and my friend the Headmaster, pure, undiluted cheek, and will want
said Gethryn, have been having a quiet kicking after every meal and before
pot of tea between us. retiring to rest. Go on.
Really? Was he affable? His name is
Distinctly affable. Well?
You know, said Marriott Thats the point. At this point the
confidentially, he asked me in, but I manuscript becomes absolutely
told him it wasnt good enough. I said illegible. I have conjectured Percy for
84 A PREFECT'S UNCLE
the first name. It may be Richard, but time. Its got to be done. The Old Man
Ill plunge on Percy. Its the surname talked to me like several fathers.
that stumps me. Personally, I think its What did he say?
MacCow, though I trust it isnt, for the Oh, heaps of things.
kids sake. I showed the letter to my I know. Did he mention amongst
brother, the one whos at Oxford. He other things that Reynolds was the
swore it was Watson, but, on being worst idiot on the face of this so-called
pressed, hedged with Sandys. You may world?
as well contribute your little bit. What Something of the sort.
do you make of it? So I should think. The late
Gethryn scrutinized the document Reynolds was a perfect specimen of the
with care. gelatine-backboned worm. Thats not
She begins with a D. You can see my own, but its the only description of
that. him that really suits. Monk and
Well? Danvers and the mob in general used to
Next letter a or u. I see. Of course. do what they liked with him. Talking
Its Duncan. of Monk, when you embark on your
Think so? said Marriott tour of moral agitation, I should advise
doubtfully. Well, lets go and ask the you to start with him.
matron if she knows anything about Yes. And Danvers. There isnt
him. much to choose between them. Its a
Miss Jones, he said, when they had pity theyre both such good bats. When
reached the House, have you on your you see a chap putting them through the
list of new boys a sportsman of the slips like Monk does, you cant help
name of MacCow or Watson? I am also thinking there must be something in
prepared to accept Sandys or Duncan. him.
The Christian name is either Richard or So there is, said Marriott, and its
Percy. There, that gives you a fairly all bad. I bar the man. Hes slimy. Its
wide field to choose from. the only word for him. And he uses
Theres a P. V. Wilson on the list, scent by the gallon. Thank goodness
said the matron, after an inspection of this is his last term.
that document. Is it really? I never heard that.
That must be the man, said Yes. He and Danvers are both
Marriott. Thanks very much. I leaving. Monks going to Heidelberg to
suppose he hasnt arrived yet? study German, and Danvers is going
No, not yet. You two are the only into his paters business in the City. I
ones so far. got that from Waterford.
Oh! Well, I suppose I shall have to Waterford is another beast, said
see him when he does come. Ill come Gethryn thoughtfully. I suppose hes
down for him later on. not leaving by any chance?
They strolled out on to the field Not that I know of. But hell be
again. nothing without Monk and Danvers.
In re the proposed bucking-up of Hes simply a sort of bottle-washer to
the House, said Marriott, itll be rather the firm. When they go hell collapse.
a big job. Lets be strolling towards the House
Rather. I should think so. We now, shall we? Hullo! Our only
ought to have a most fearfully sporting Reece! Hullo, Reece!
TERM BEGINS 85
Hullo! said the new arrival. Reece All right! It isnt private. Its from
was a weird, silent individual, whom an aunt of mine.
everybody in the School knew up to a Seems to be a perfect glut of aunts,
certain point, but very few beyond that said Marriott. What views has your
point. His manner was exactly the same representative got to air? Is she
when talking to the smallest fag as springing any jolly little fellow full of
when addressing the Headmaster. He spirits on this happy community?
rather gave one the impression that he No, its not that. Its only an uncle
was thinking of something a fortnight of mine whos coming down here. Hes
ahead, or trying to solve a chess coming tomorrow, and Im to meet
problem without the aid of the board. him. The uncanny part of it is that Ive
In appearance he was on the short side, never heard of him before in my life.
and thin. He was in the Sixth, and a That reminds me of a story I heard
conscientious worker. Indeed, he was began Reece slowly. Reeces
only saved from being considered a observations were not frequent, but
swot, to use the vernacular, by the fact when they came, did so for the most
that from childhoods earliest hour he part in anecdotal shape. Somebody was
had been in the habit of keeping wicket constantly doing something which
like an angel. To a good wicket-keeper reminded him of something he had
much may be forgiven. heard somewhere from somebody. The
He handed Gethryn an envelope. unfortunate part of it was that he
Letter, Bishop, he said. Gethryn exuded these reminiscences at such a
was commonly known as the Bishop, leisurely rate of speed that he was rarely
owing to a certain sermon preached in known to succeed in finishing any of
the College chapel some five years them. He resembled those serial stories
before, in aid of the Church Missionary which appear in papers destined at a
Society, in which the preacher had moderate price to fill an obvious void,
alluded at frequent intervals to another and which break off abruptly at the
Gethryn, a bishop, who, it appeared, third chapter, owing to the premature
had a see, and did much excellent work decease of the said periodicals. On this
among the heathen at the back of occasion Marriott cut in with a few sage
beyond. Gethryns friends and remarks on the subject of uncles as a
acquaintances, who had been class. Uncles, he said, are tricky.
alternating between Ginger- You never know where youve got
Gethryns hair being inclined to redness em. You think theyre going to come
and Sneg, a name which utterly out strong with a sovereign, and they
baffles the philologist, had welcomed make it a shilling without a blush. An
the new name warmly, and it had stuck uncle of mine once gave me a
ever since. And, after all, there are threepenny bit. If it hadnt been that I
considerably worse names by which didnt wish to hurt his feelings, I should
one might be called. have flung it at his feet. Also I
What the dickens! he said, as he particularly wanted threepence at the
finished reading the letter. moment. Is your uncle likely to do his
Tell us the worst, said Marriott. duty, Bishop?
You must read it out now out of I tell you I dont know the man.
common decency, after rousing our Never heard of him. I thought I knew
expectations like that. every uncle on the list, but I cant place
86 A PREFECT'S UNCLE
this one. However, I suppose I shall Skinner was a sort of juvenile Professor
have to meet him. Moriarty, a Napoleon of crime. He
Rather, said Marriott, as they went reeked of crime. He revelled in his
into the House; we should always wicked deeds. If a Dormitory-prefect
strive to be kind, even to the very was kept awake at night by some
humblest. On the off chance, you diabolically ingenious contrivance for
know. The unknown may have struck it combining the minimum of risk with
rich in sheep or something out in the maximum of noise, then it was
Australia. Most uncles come from Skinner who had engineered the thing.
Australia. Or he may be the boss of Again, did a master, playing nervously
some trust, and wallowing in dollars. forward on a bad pitch at the nets to
He may be anything. Lets go and Gosling, the School fast bowler, receive
brew, Bishop. Come on, Reece. the ball gaspingly in the small ribs, and
I dont mind watching you two look round to see whose was that
chaps eat, said Gethryn, but I cant raucous laugh which had greeted the
join in myself. I have assimilated three performance, he would observe a
pounds odd of the Headmagisterial couple of yards away Skinner, deep in
muffins already this afternoon. Dont conversation with some friend of
mind me, though. equally villainous aspect. In short, in a
They went upstairs to Marriotts word, the only adequate word, he was
study, which was also Gethryns. Two Skinner.
in a study was the rule at Beckford, Well? said Reece.
though there were recluses who lived Skinner, proceeded Marriott, was
alone, and seemed to enjoy it. seated in a chair, bleeding freely into a
When the festive board had ceased to rather dirty pocket-handkerchief. His
groan, and the cake, which Marriotts usual genial smile was hampered by a
mother had expected to last a fortnight, cut lip, and his right eye was blacked in
had been reduced to a mere wreck of its the most graceful and pleasing manner.
former self, the thought of his aunts I made tender inquiries, but could get
friends friends son returned to nothing from him except grunts. So I
Marriott, and he went down to departed, and just outside the door I met
investigate, returning shortly afterwards young Lee, and got the facts out of
unaccompanied, but evidently full of him. It appears that P. V. Wilson, my
news. aunts friends friends son, entered the
Well? said Gethryn. Hasnt he fags room at four-fifteen. At four-
come? fifteen-and-a-half, punctually, Skinner
A little, said Marriott, just a little. was observed to be trying to rag him.
I went down to the fags room, and Apparently the great Percy has no sense
when I opened the door I noticed a of humour, for at four-seventeen he got
certain weird stillness in the tired of it, and hit Skinner crisply in the
atmosphere. There is usually a row right eyeball, blacking the same as per
going on that you could cut with a illustration. The subsequent fight raged
knife. I looked about. The room was gorily for five minutes odd, and then
apparently empty. Then I observed a Wilson, who seems to be a professional
quaint object on the horizon. Do you pugilist in disguise, landed what my
know one Skinner by any chance? informant describes as three corkers on
My dear chap! said Gethryn. his opponents proboscis. Skinners
TERM BEGINS 87
reply was to sit down heavily on the boy, Gethryn, and the professionalas
floor, and give him to understand that useful a trio as any school batsman
the fight was over, and that for the next could wish for. Norris was captain of
day or two his face would be closed for the team this year, a sound, stylish bat,
alterations and repairs. Wilson with a stroke after the manner of
thereupon harangued the company in Tyldesley between cover and mid-off,
well-chosen terms, tried to get Skinner which used to make Miles the
to shake hands, but failed, and finally professional almost weep with joy. But
took the entire crew out to the shop, today he had evidently not quite got
where they made pigs of themselves at into form. Twice in successive balls
his expense. I have spoken. Gosling knocked his leg stump out of
And thats the kid youve got to the ground with yorkers, and the ball
look after, said Reece, after a pause. after that, Gethryn upset his middle
Yes, said Marriott. What I with a beauty.
maintain is that I require a kid built on Hat-trick, Norris, shouted Gosling.
those lines to look after me. But you Cant see em a bit today. Bowled,
ought to go down and see Skinners eye Bishop.
sometime. Its a beautiful bit of work. A second teaser from Gethryn had
almost got through his defence. The
Bishop was undoubtedly a fine bowler.
INTRODUCES AN Without being quite so fast as Gosling,
he nevertheless contrived to work up a
UNUSUAL UNCLE very considerable speed when he
wished to, and there was always
On the following day, at nine
something in every ball he bowled
oclock, the term formally began.
which made it necessary for the
There is nothing of Black Monday
batsman to watch it all the way. In
about the first day of term at a public
matches against other schools it was
school. Black Monday is essentially a
generally Gosling who took the
private school institution.
wickets. The batsmen were bothered by
At Beckford the first day of every
his pace. But when the M.C.C. or the
term was a half holiday. During the
Incogniti came down, bringing
morning a feeble pretence of work was
seasoned county men who knew what
kept up, but after lunch the school was
fast bowling really was, and rather
free, to do as it pleased and to go where
preferred it on the whole to slow, then
it liked. The nets were put up for the
Gethryn was called upon.
first time, and the School professional
Most Beckfordians who did not play
emerged at last from his winter
cricket on the first day of term went on
retirement with his, Coom right out to
the river. A few rode bicycles or
em, sir, right forward, which had
strolled out into the country in couples,
helped so many Beckford cricketers to
but the majority, amongst whom on this
do their duty by the School in the field.
occasion was Marriott, sallied to the
There was one net for the elect, the
water and hired boats. Marriott was one
remnants of last years Eleven and the
of the six old cricket coloursthe
probables for this season, and half a
others were Norris, Gosling, Gethryn,
dozen more for lesser lights.
Reece, and Pringle of the School House
At the first net Norris was batting to
who formed the foundation of this
the bowling of Gosling, a long, thin day
88 A PREFECT'S UNCLE
the platform. The train panted in, your acquaintance. My names Farnie.
pulled up, whistled, and puffed out Im your uncle, you know.
again, leaving three people behind it. My what? gurgled the Bishop.
One of these was a woman of sixty Your uncle. U-n, un; c-l-ekul.
(approximately), the second a small girl Uncle. Fact, I assure you.
of ten, the third a young gentleman in a
top hat and Etons, who carried a bag,
and looked as if he had seen the THE UNCLE MAKES
hollowness of things, for his face wore
a bored, supercilious look. His uncle HIMSELF AT HOME
had evidently not arrived, unless he had
But, dash it, said Gethryn, when he
come disguised as an old woman, an act
had finished gasping, that must be rot!
of which Gethryn refused to believe
Not a bit, said the self-possessed
him capable.
youth. Your mater was my elder
He enquired as to the next train that
sister. Youll find it works out all
was expected to arrive from London.
right. Look here. A, the daughter of B
The station-masters son was not sure,
and C, marries. No, look here. I was
but would ask the porter, whose name it
born when you were four. See?
appeared was Johnny. Johnny gave the
Then the demoralized Bishop
correct answer without an effort.
remembered. He had heard of his
Seven-thirty it was, sir, except on
juvenile uncle, but the tales had made
Saturdays, when it was eight oclock.
little impression upon him. Till now
Thanks, said the Bishop. Dash the
they had not crossed one anothers
man, he might at least have wired.
tracks.
He registered a silent wish
Oh, all right, said he, Ill take your
concerning the uncle who had brought
word for it. You seem to have been
him a long three miles out of his way
getting up the subject.
with nothing to show at the end of it,
Yes. Thought you might want to
and was just turning to leave the station,
know about it. I say, how far is it to
when the top-hatted small boy, who had
Beckford, and how do you get there?
been hovering round the group during
Up till now Gethryn had scarcely
the conversation, addressed winged
realized that his uncle was actually
words to him. These were the winged
coming to the School for good. These
words
words brought the fact home to him.
I say, are you looking for
Oh, Lord, he said, are you coming
somebody? The Bishop stared at him
to Beckford?
as a naturalist stares at a novel species
The thought of having his footsteps
of insect.
perpetually dogged by an uncle four
Yes, he said. Why?
years younger than himself, and
Is your name Gethryn?
manifestly a youth with a fine taste in
This affair, thought the Bishop, was
cheek, was not pleasant.
beginning to assume an uncanny aspect.
Of course, said his uncle. What
How the dickens did you know
did you think I was going to do? Camp
that? he said.
out on the platform?
Oh, then you are Gethryn? Thats
What House are you in?
all right. I was told you were going to
Leicesters.
be here to meet this train. Glad to make
The worst had happened. The bitter
THE UNCLE MAKES HIMSELF AT HOME 91
and save your money up to buy a new Yes, and theres another thing I
cab? Eh? Oh, sorry! I wasnt ought to warn you about. Have you
listening. Now, inasmuch as the whole brought much money with you?
virtue of the wretched-little-kid-like- Bout fourteen pounds, I fancy,
you argument lies in the crisp despatch said Farnie carelessly.
with which it is delivered, Gethryn Fourteen what! said the amazed
began to find, on repeating his Bishop. Pounds!
observation for the third time, that there Or sovereigns, said Farnie. Each
was not quite so much in it as he had worth twenty shillings, you know.
thought. He prudently elected to For a moment Gethryns only feeling
change his style of attack. was one of unmixed envy. Previously
It doesnt matter, he said wearily, he had considered himself passing rich
as Farnie opened his mouth to demand a on thirty shillings a term. He had heard
fourth encore, it wasnt anything legends, of course, of individuals who
important. Now, look here, I just want come to School bursting with bullion,
to give you a few tips about what to do but never before had he set eyes upon
when you get to the Coll. To start with, such an one. But after a time it began to
youll have to take off that white tie dawn upon him that for a new boy at a
youve got on. Black and dark blue are public school, and especially at such a
the only sorts allowed here. House as Leicesters had become under
How about yours then? Gethryn the rule of the late Reynolds and his
was wearing a somewhat sweet thing in predecessors, there might be such a
brown and yellow. thing as having too much money.
Mine happens to be a First Eleven How the deuce did you get all that?
tie. he asked.
Oh! Well, as a matter of fact, you My pater gave it me. Hes
know, I was going to take off my tie. I absolutely cracked on the subject of
always do, especially at night. Its a pocket-money. Sometimes he doesnt
sort of habit Ive got into. give me a sou, and sometimes hell give
Not quite so much of your beastly me whatever I ask for.
cheek, please, said Gethryn. But you dont mean to say you had
Right-ho! said Farnie cheerfully, the cheek to ask for fourteen quid?
and silence, broken only by the I asked for fifteen. Got it, too. Ive
shrieking of the cab wheels, brooded spent a pound of it. I said I wanted to
once more over the cab. Then Gethryn, buy a bike. You can get a jolly good
feeling that perhaps it would be a shame bike for five quid about, so you see I
to jump too severely on a new boy on scoop ten pounds. What?
his first day at a large public school, This ingenious, if slightly
began to think of something unscrupulous, feat gave Gethryn an
conciliatory to say. Look here, he insight into his uncles character which
said, youll get on all right at Beckford, up till now he had lacked. He began to
I expect. Youll find Leicesters a fairly see that the moral advice with which he
decent sort of House. Anyhow, you had primed himself would be out of
neednt be afraid youll get bullied. place. Evidently this youth could take
Theres none of that sort of thing at quite good care of himself on his own
School nowadays. account. Still, even a budding Professor
Really? Moriarty would be none the worse for
THE UNCLE MAKES HIMSELF AT HOME 93
being warned against Gethryns bte feel slightly uncomfortable. What must
noire, Monk, so the Bishop proceeded this wanderer, who had seen men and
to deliver that warning. cities, have thought of his harangue?
Well, he said, you seem to be able Why did you leave Harrow? asked
to look out for yourself all right, I must he.
say. But theres one tip I really can Sacked, was the laconic reply.
give you. When you get to Leicesters, Have you ever, asks a modern
and a beast with a green complexion philosopher, gone upstairs in the dark,
and an oily smile comes up and calls and trodden on the last step when it
you Old Cha-a-p, and wants you to wasnt there? That sensation and the
swear eternal friendship, tell him its one Gethryn felt at this unexpected
not good enough. Squash him! revelation were identical. And the
Thanks, said Farnie. Who is this worst of it was that he felt the keenest
genial merchant? desire to know why Harrow had seen fit
Chap called Monk. Youll to dispense with the presence of his
recognize him by the smell of scent. uncle.
When you find the place smelling like Why? he began. I mean, he went
an Eau-de-Cologne factory, youll on hurriedly, why did you leave
know Monks somewhere near. Dont Wellington?
you have anything to do with him. Sacked, said Farnie again, with the
You seem to dislike the gentleman. monotonous persistence of a Solomon
I bar the man. But that isnt why Eagle.
Im giving you the tip to steer clear of Gethryn felt at this juncture much as
him. There are dozens of chaps I bar the unfortunate gentleman in Punch
who havent an ounce of vice in them. must have felt, when, having finished a
And there are one or two chaps who humorous story, the point of which
have got tons. Monks one of them. A turned upon squinting and red noses, he
fellow called Danvers is another. Also suddenly discovered that his host
a beast of the name of Waterford. enjoyed both those peculiarities. He
There are some others as well, but those struggled manfully with his feelings for
are the worst of the lot. By the way, I a time. Tact urged him to discontinue
forgot to ask, have you ever been to his investigations and talk about the
school before? weather. Curiosity insisted upon
Yes, said Farnie, in the dreamy knowing further details. Just as the
voice of one who recalls memories from struggle was at its height, Farnie came
the misty past, I was at Harrow before unexpectedly to the rescue.
I came here, and at Wellington before I It may interest you, he said, to
went to Harrow, and at Clifton before I know that I was not sacked from
went to Wellington. Clifton.
Gethryn gasped. Gethryn with some difficulty
Anywhere before you went to refrained from thanking him for the
Clifton? he enquired. information.
Only private schools. I never stop at a school long, said
The recollection of the platitudes Farnie. If I dont get sacked my father
which he had been delivering, under the takes me away after a couple of terms.
impression that he was talking to an I went to four private schools before I
entirely raw beginner, made Gethryn started on the public schools. My pater
94 A PREFECT'S UNCLE
took me away from the first two relationship, it was not absolutely
because he thought the drains were bad, essential that he should tell everybody
the third because they wouldnt teach that he was his uncle. In fact, it would
me shorthand, and the fourth because he be rather better on the whole if he did
didnt like the headmasters face. I not. Did he follow?
worked off those schools in a year and a Farnie begged to observe that he did
half. Having finished this piece of follow, but that, to his sorrow, the
autobiography, he relapsed into silence, warning came too late.
leaving Gethryn to recollect various Im very sorry, he said, I hadnt
tales he had heard of his grandfathers the least idea you wanted the thing kept
eccentricity. The silence lasted until the dark. How was I to know? Ive just
College was reached, when the matron been telling it to some of the chaps in
took charge of Farnie, and Gethryn there. Awfully decent chaps. They
went off to tell Marriott of these strange seemed to think it rather funny.
happenings. Anyhow, Im not ashamed of the
Marriott was amused, nor did he relationship. Not yet, at any rate.
attempt to conceal the fact. When he For a moment Gethryn seemed about
had finished laughing, which was not to speak. He looked fixedly at his uncle
for some time, he favoured the Bishop as he stood framed in the doorway, a
with a very sound piece of advice. If I cheerful column of cool, calm,
were you, he said, I should try and concentrated cheek. Then, as if
hush this affair up. Its all fearfully realizing that no words that he knew
funny, but I think youd enjoy life more could do justice to the situation, he
if nobody knew this kid was your raised his foot in silence, and booted
uncle. To see the head of the House his own flesh and blood with marked
going about with a juvenile uncle in his emphasis. After which ceremony he
wake might amuse the chaps rather, and went, still without a word, upstairs
you might find it harder to keep order; I again.
wont let it out, and nobody else knows As for Farnie, he returned to the
apparently. Go and square the kid. Oh, junior day-room whistling Down
I say though, whats his name? If its South in a soft but cheerful key, and
Gethryn, youre done. Unless you like solidified his growing popularity with
to swear hes a cousin. doles of food from a hamper which he
No; his names Farnie, thank had brought with him. Finally, on
goodness. retiring to bed and being pressed by the
Thats all right then. Go and talk to rest of his dormitory for a story, he
him. embarked upon the history of a certain
Gethryn went to the junior study. Pollock and an individual referred to
Farnie was holding forth to a knot of throughout as the Porroh Man, the
fags at one end of the room. His former of whom caused the latter to be
audience appeared to be amused at decapitated, and was ever afterwards
something. haunted by his head, which appeared to
I say, Farnie, said the Bishop, half him all day and every day (not
a second. excepting Sundays and Bank Holidays)
Farnie came out, and Gethryn in an upside-down position and wearing
proceeded to inform him that, all things a horrible grin. In the end Pollock very
considered, and proud as he was of the sensibly committed suicide (with
THE UNCLE MAKES HIMSELF AT HOME 95
ghastly details), and the dormitory way. When, however, he came on the
thanked Farnie in a subdued and scene, he introduced a welcome element
chastened manner, and tried, with small of science into the sport. As witness the
success, to go to sleep. In short, following. Mr Strudwick, the regular
Farnies first evening at Beckford had master of the form, happened on one
been quite a triumph. occasion to be away for a couple of
days, and a stop-gap was put in in his
place. The name of the stop-gap was
PRINGLE MAKES A Mr Somerville Smith. He and Farnie
exchanged an unspoken declaration of
SPORTING OFFER war almost immediately. The first
round went in Mr Smiths favour. He
Estimating it roughly, it takes a new
contrived to catch Farnie in the act of
boy at a public school about a week to
performing some ingenious breach of
find his legs and shed his skin of
the peace, and, it being a Wednesday
newness. The period is, of course,
and a half-holiday, sent him into extra
longer in the case of some and shorter
lesson. On the following morning,
in the case of others. Both Farnie and
more by design than accident, Farnie
Wilson had made themselves at home
upset an inkpot. Mr Smith observed
immediately. In the case of the latter,
icily that unless the stain was wiped
directly the Skinner episode had been
away before the beginning of afternoon
noised abroad, and it was discovered in
school, there would be trouble. Farnie
addition that he was a promising bat,
observed (to himself) that there would
public opinion recognized that here was
be trouble in any case, for he had hit
a youth out of the common run of new
upon the central idea for the most
boys, and the Lower Fourththe form
colossal rag that, in his opinion, ever
in which he had been placed on arrival
was. After morning school he gathered
took him to its bosom as an equal.
the form around him, and disclosed his
Farnies case was exceptional. A career
idea. The floor of the form-room, he
at Harrow, Clifton, and Wellington,
pointed out, was some dozen inches
however short and abruptly terminated,
below the level of the door. Would it
gives one some sort of grip on the way
not be a pleasant and profitable notion,
public school life is conducted. At an
he asked, to flood the floor with water
early date, moreover, he gave signs of
to the depth of those dozen inches? On
what almost amounted to genius in the
the wall outside the form-room hung a
Indoor Game department. Now,
row of buckets, placed there in case of
success in the field is a good thing, and
fire, and the lavatory was not too far off
undoubtedly makes for popularity. But
for practical purposes. Mr Smith had
if you desire to command the respect
bidden him wash the floor. It was
and admiration of your fellow-beings to
obviously his duty to do so. The form
a degree stretched almost to the point of
thought so too. For a solid hour, thirty
idolatry, make yourself proficient in the
weary but enthusiastic reprobates
art of whiling away the hours of
laboured without ceasing, and by the
afternoon school. Before Farnies
time the bell rang all was prepared. The
arrival, his form, the Upper Fourth, with
floor was one still, silent pool. Two
the best intentions in the world, had not
caps and a few notebooks floated
been skilful raggers. They had ragged
sluggishly on the surface, relieving the
in an intermittent, once-a-week sort of
96 A PREFECT'S UNCLE
and a half, and consequently too old to study with Danvers, and Farnie was
take note of such frivolous attributes; leaving the fags day-room.
but all the same he had a sort of vague, See that kid? said Danvers. Thats
sketchy impression that it would be the chap I was telling you about.
pleasanter to run up a lively century Gethryns uncle, you know.
against the O.B.s with Miss Lorimer as Not really? Lets cultivate him. I
a spectator than in her absence. He felt say, old chap, dont walk so fast.
pleased that she was coming. Farnie, rightly concluding that the
I say, about this poem, said remark was addressed to him, turned
Lorimer, dismissing a subject which and waited, and the three strolled over
manifestly bored him, and returning to to the School buildings together.
one which was of vital interest, youre They would have made an
sure you can write fairly decent stuff? interesting study for the observer of
Its no good sending in stuff thatll turn human nature, the two seniors fancying
the examiners hair grey. Can you turn that they had to deal with a small boy
out something really decent? just arrived at his first school, and in the
Pringle said nothing. He smiled grip of that strange, lost feeling which
gently as who should observe, I and attacks the best of new boys for a day or
Shakespeare. so after their arrival; and Farnie, on the
other hand, watching every move, as
perfectly composed and at home as a
FARNIE GETS INTO youth should be with the experience of
three public schools to back him up.
TROUBLE When they arrived at the School
gates, Monk and Danvers turned to go
It was perhaps only natural that
in the direction of their form-room, the
Farnie, having been warned so strongly
Remove, leaving Farnie at the door of
of the inadvisability of having anything
the Upper Fourth. At this point a small
to do with Monk, should for that very
comedy took place. Monk, after feeling
reason be attracted to him. Nobody
hastily in his pockets, requested
ever wants to do anything except what
Danvers to lend him five shillings until
they are not allowed to do. Otherwise
next Saturday. Danvers knew this
there is no explaining the friendship that
request of old, and he knew the answer
arose between them. Jack Monk was
that was expected of him. By replying
not an attractive individual. He had a
that he was sorry, but he had not got the
slack mouth and a shifty eye, and his
money, he gave Farnie, who was still
complexion was the sort which friends
standing at the door, his cue to offer to
would have described as olive, enemies
supply the deficiency. Most new boys
(with more truth) as dirty green. These
they had grasped this fact from
defects would have mattered little, of
experiencewould have felt it an
course, in themselves. Theres many a
honour to oblige a senior with a small
bilious countenance, so to speak, covers
loan. As Farnie made no signs of doing
a warm heart. With Monk, however,
what was expected of him, Monk was
appearances were not deceptive. He
obliged to resort to the somewhat cruder
looked a bad lot, and he was one.
course of applying for the loan in
It was on the second morning of
person. He applied. Farnie with the
term that the acquaintanceship began.
utmost willingness brought to light a
Monk was coming downstairs from his
100 A PREFECT'S UNCLE
handful of money, mostly gold. You got rather left there, old chap,
Monks eye gleamed approval, and he said Monk at length.
stretched forth an itching palm. I like that, replied the outraged
Danvers began to think that it would be Danvers. How about you, then? It
rash to let a chance like this slip. seemed to me you got rather left, too.
Ordinarily the tacit agreement between Monk compromised.
the pair was that only one should Well, anyhow, he said, we shant
borrow at a time, lest confidence should get much out of that kid.
be destroyed in the victim. But here Little beast, said Danvers
was surely an exception, a special case. complainingly. And they went on into
With a young gentleman so obviously a their form-room in silence.
man of coin as Farnie, the rule might I saw your youngerrelative in
well be broken for once. earnest conversation with friend Monk
While youre about it, Farnie, old this morning, said Marriott, later on in
man, he said carelessly, you might let the day, to Gethryn; I thought you were
me have a bob or two if you dont going to give him the tip in that
mind. Five bobll see me through to direction?
Saturday all right. So I did, said the Bishop wearily;
Do you mean tomorrow? enquired but I cant always be looking after the
Farnie, looking up from his heap of little brute. He only does it out of sheer
gold. cussedness, because Ive told him not
No, Saturday week. Let you have it to. It stands to reason that he cant like
back by then at the latest. Make a point Monk.
of it. You remind me of the psalmist and
How would a quid do? the wicked man, surname unknown,
Ripping, said Danvers ecstatically. said Marriott. You cant see the good
Same here, assented Monk. side of Monk.
Then thats all right, said Farnie There isnt one.
briskly; I thought perhaps you mightnt No. Hes only got two sides, a bad
have had enough. Youve got a quid, I side and a worse side, which he sticks
know, Monk, because I saw you haul on on the strength of being fairly good
one out at breakfast. And Danvers has at games. I wonder if hes going to get
got one too, because he offered to toss his First this season. Hes not a bad
you for it in the study afterwards. And bat.
besides, I couldnt lend you anything in I dont think he will. He is a good
any case, because Ive only got about bat, but there are heaps better in the
fourteen quid myself. place. I say, I think I shall give young
With which parting shot he retired, Farnie the tip once more, and let him
wrapped in gentle thought, into his take it or leave it. What do you think?
form-room; and from the noise which Hell leave it, said Marriott, with
ensued immediately upon his arrival, conviction.
the shrewd listener would have Nor was he mistaken. Farnie
deduced, quite correctly, that he had listened with enthusiasm to his
organized and taken the leading part in nephews second excursus on the Monk
a general rag. topic, and, though he said nothing, was
Monk and Danvers proceeded upon apparently convinced. On the following
their way. afternoon Monk, Danvers, Waterford,
FARNIE GETS INTO TROUBLE 101
and he hired a boat and went up the name in solid cash, and the means of
river together. Gethryn and Marriott, getting far enough away from the
steered by Wilson, who was rapidly neighbourhood of the School to be able
developing into a useful coxswain, got to spend it much as he liked, he began
an excellent view of them moored under to do strange and risky things in his
the shade of a willow, drinking ginger- spare time.
beer, and apparently on the best of The great obstacle to illicit
terms with one another and the world in enjoyment at Beckford was the four
general. In a brief but moving speech oclock roll-call on half-holidays.
the Bishop finally excommunicated his There were other obstacles, such as
erring relative. For all I care, he half-holiday games and so forth, but
concluded, he can do what he likes in these could be avoided by the exercise
future. I shant stop him. of a little judgement. The penalty for
No, said Marriott, I dont think non-appearance at a half-holiday game
you will. was a fine of sixpence. Constant
For the first month of his school life absence was likely in time to lead to a
Farnie behaved, except in his choice of more or less thrilling interview with the
companions, much like an ordinary captain of cricket, but a very occasional
junior. He played cricket moderately attendance was enough to stave off this
well, did his share of compulsory disaster; and as for the sixpence, to a
fielding at the First Eleven net, and man of means like Farnie it was a mere
went for frequent river excursions with nothing. It was a bad system, and it
Monk, Danvers, and the rest of the was a wonder, under the circumstances,
Mob. how Beckford produced the elevens it
At first the other juniors of the did. But it was the system, and Farnie
House were inclined to resent this availed himself of it to the full.
extending of the right hand of The obstacle of roll-call he managed
fellowship to owners of studies and also to surmount. Some reckless and
Second Eleven men, and attempted to penniless friend was generally willing,
make Farnie see the sin and folly of his for a consideration, to answer his name
ways. But Nature had endowed that for him. And so most Saturday
youth with a fund of vitriolic repartee. afternoons would find Farnie leaving
When Millett, one of Leicesters behind him the flannelled fools at their
juniors, evolved some laborious various wickets, and speeding out into
sarcasm on the subject of Farnies swell the country on his bicycle in the
friends, Farnie, in a series of three direction of the village of
remarks, reduced him, figuratively Biddlehampton, where mine host of the
speaking, to a small and palpitating spot Cow and Cornflower, in addition to
of grease. After that his actions came in other refreshment for man and beast,
for no further, or at any rate no advertised that ping-pong and billiards
outspoken comment. might be played on the premises. It was
Given sixpence a week and no more, not the former of these games that
Farnie might have survived an entire attracted Farnie. He was no pinger.
term without breaking any serious Nor was he a pongster. But for billiards
School rule. But when, after buying a he had a decided taste, a genuine taste,
bicycle from Smith of Markhams, he not the pumped-up affectation
found himself with eight pounds to his sometimes displayed by boys of his
102 A PREFECT'S UNCLE
age. Considering his age he was a what he had cautioned him, the farmer,
remarkable player. Later on in life it against a moment before, struck him as
appeared likely that he would have the being the finest example of poetic
choice of three professions open to him, justice he had ever heard of, and he
namely, professional billiard player, signalized his appreciation of the same
billiard marker, and billiard sharp. At by nearly dying of apoplexy.
each of the three he showed distinct The marker expressed an opinion
promise. He was not lured to the green that Farnie had been and gone and done
cloth by Monk or Danvers. Indeed, if it.
there had been any luring to be done, it Ere, he said, inserting a finger in
is probable that he would have done it, the cut to display its dimensions. Look
and not they. Neither Monk nor ere. Thisll mean a noo cloth, young
Danvers was in his confidence in the feller me lad. Thats wot thisll mean.
matter. Billiards is not a cheap Thatll be three pound we will trouble
amusement. By the end of his sixth you for, if you please.
week Farnie was reduced to a single Farnie produced his sole remaining
pound, a sum which, for one of his sovereign.
tastes, was practically poverty. And All Ive got, he said. Ill leave my
just at the moment when he was least name and address.
able to bear up against it, Fate dealt him Dont you trouble, young feller me
one of its nastiest blows. He was lad, said the marker, who appeared to
playing a fifty up against a friendly but be a very aggressive and unpleasant sort
unskilful farmer at the Cow and of character altogether, with meaning, I
Cornflower. Better look out, he said, know yer name and I knows yer
as his opponent effected a somewhat address. Today fortnight at the very
rustic stroke, youll be cutting the cloth latest, if you please. You dont want me
in a second. The farmer grunted, to ave to go to your master about it,
missed by inches, and retired, leaving now, do yer? What say? No. Ve well
the red ball in the jaws of the pocket, then. Today fortnight is the time, and
and Farnie with three to make to win. you remember it.
It was an absurdly easy stroke, and What was left of Farnie then rode
the Bishops uncle took it with an slowly back to Beckford. Why he went
absurd amount of conceit and to Monk on his return probably he
carelessness. Hardly troubling to aim, could not have explained himself. But
he struck his ball. The cue slid off in he did go, and, having told his story in
one direction, the ball rolled sluggishly full, wound up by asking for a loan of
in another. And when the cue had two pounds. Monks first impulse was
finished its run, the smooth green to refer him back to a previous
surface of the table was marred by a interview, when matters had been the
jagged and unsightly cut. There was other way about, that small affair of the
another young man gone wrong! pound on the second morning of the
To say that the farmer laughed term. Then there flashed across his
would be to express the matter feebly. mind certain reasons against this move.
That his young opponent, who had been At present Farnies attitude towards him
irritating him unspeakably since the was unpleasantly independent. He
beginning of the game with advice and made him understand that he went
criticism, should have done exactly about with him from choice, and that
FARNIE GETS INTO TROUBLE 103
there was to be nothing of the patron of youth who asks this question on the
and dependant about their alliance. If morning of the M.C.C. match. Norris
he were to lend him the two pounds was engaged in putting the finishing
now, things would alter. And to have touches to a snow-white pair of cricket
got a complete hold over Master boots.
Reginald Farnie, Monk would have paid No. Hullo, where did you raise that
more than two pounds. Farnie had the Sporter? Lets have a look.
intelligence to carry through anything, But Baker proposed to conduct this
however risky, and there were many business in person. It is ten times more
things which Monk would have liked to pleasant to administer a series of shocks
do, but, owing to the risks involved, to a friend than to sit by and watch him
shirked doing for himself. Besides, he administering them to himself. He
happened to be in funds just now. retained The Sportsman, and began to
Well, look here, old chap, he said, read out the team.
lets have strict business between Thought Middlesex had a match,
friends. If youll pay me back four quid said Norris, as Baker paused
at the end of term, you shall have the dramatically to let the name of a world-
two pounds. How does that strike you? famed professional sink in.
It struck Farnie, as it would have No. They dont play Surrey till
struck most people, that if this was Monday.
Monks idea of strict business, there Well, if theyve got an important
were the makings of no ordinary match like Surrey on on Monday, said
financier in him. But to get his two Norris disgustedly, what on earth do
pounds he would have agreed to they let their best man come down here
anything. And the end of term seemed today for, and fag himself out?
a long way off. Baker suggested gently that if
The awkward part of the billiard- anybody was going to be fagged out at
playing episode was that the the end of the day, it would in all
punishment for it, if detected, was not probability be the Beckford bowlers,
expulsion, but flogging. And Farnie and not a man who, as he was careful to
resembled the lady in The Ingoldsby point out, had run up a century a mere
Legends who didnt mind death, but three days ago against Yorkshire, and
who couldnt stand pinching. He who was apparently at that moment at
didnt mind expulsionhe was used to the very top of his form.
it, but he could not stand flogging. Well, said Norris, he might crock
Thatll be all right, he said. And himself or anything. Rank bad policy, I
the money changed hands. call it. Anybody else?
Baker resumed his reading. A string
of unknowns ended in another celebrity.
AND STAYS THERE Blackwell? said Norris. Not O. T.
Blackwell?
I say, said Baker of Jephsons It says A. T. But, went on Baker,
excitedly some days later, reeling into brightening up again, they always get
the study which he shared with Norris, the initials wrong in the papers. Certain
have you seen the team the M.C.C.s to be O. T. By the way, I suppose you
bringing down? saw that he made eighty-three against
At nearly every school there is a type Notts the other day?
104 A PREFECT'S UNCLE
Norris tried to comfort himself by the blocks. Monk had come out with
observing that Notts couldnt bowl for Waterford, but seeing Farnie ahead and
toffee. walking alone he quitted Waterford, and
Last week, too, said Baker, he attached himself to the genial Reginald.
made a hundred and forty-six not out He wanted to talk business. He had not
against Malvern for the Gentlemen of found the speculation of the two pounds
Warwickshire. They couldnt get him a very profitable one. He had advanced
out, he concluded with unction. In the money under the impression that
spite of the fact that he himself was Farnie, by accepting it, was practically
playing in the match today, and might selling his independence. And there
under the circumstances reasonably were certain matters in which Monk
look forward to a considerable dose of was largely interested, connected with
leather-hunting, the task of announcing the breaking of bounds and the purchase
the bad news to Norris appeared to have of contraband goods, which he would
a most elevating effect on his spirits: have been exceedingly glad to have
Thats nothing extra special, said performed by deputy. He had fancied
Norris, in answer to the last item of that Farnie would have taken over these
information, the Malvern wickets like jobs as part of his debt. But he had
a billiard-table. mistaken his man. On the very first
Our wickets arent bad either at this occasion when he had attempted to put
time of year, said Baker, and I heard on the screw, Farnie had flatly refused
rumours that they had got a record one to have anything to do with what he
ready for this match. proposed. He said that he was not
It seems to me, said Norris, that Monks faga remark which had the
what Id better do if we want to bat at merit of being absolutely true.
all today is to win the toss. Though All this, combined with a slight
Sammy and the Bishop and Baynes sinking of his own funds, induced
ought to be able to get any ordinary side Monk to take steps towards recovering
out all right. the loan.
Only this isnt an ordinary side. Its I say, Farnie, old chap.
a sort of improved county team. Hullo!
Theyve got about four men who I say, do you remember my lending
might come off, but the M.C.C. you two quid some time ago?
sometimes have a bit of a tail. We You dont give me much chance of
ought to have a look in if we win the forgetting it, said Farnie.
toss. Monk smiled. He could afford to be
Hope so, said Baker. I doubt it, generous towards such witticisms.
though. I want it back, he said.
At a quarter to eleven the School All right. Youll get it at the end of
always went out in a body to inspect the term.
pitch. After the wicket had been I want it now.
described by experts in hushed whispers Why?
as looking pretty good, the bell rang, Awfully hard up, old chap.
and all who were not playing for the You arent, said Farnie. Youve
team, with the exception of the lucky got three pounds twelve and sixpence
individual who had obtained for himself half-penny. If you will keep counting
the post of scorer, strolled back towards your money in public, you cant blame
AND STAYS THERE 105
a chap for knowing how much youve Thanks awfully, old chap, said
got. Monk, so long!
Monk, slightly disconcerted, In all Beckford there was only one
changed his plan of action. He person who was in the least degree
abandoned skirmishing tactics. likely to combine the two qualities
Never mind that, he said, the point necessary for the extraction of Farnie
is that I want that four pounds. Im from his difficulties. These qualities
going to have it, too. werein the first place ability, in the
I know. At the end of term. second place willingness to advance
Im going to have it now. him, free of security, the four pounds he
You can have a pound of it now. required. The person whom he had in
Not enough. his mind was Gethryn. He had
I dont see how you expect me to reasoned the matter out step by step
raise any more. If I could, do you think during the second half of morning
I should have borrowed it? You might school. Gethryn, though he had, as
chuck rotting for a change. Farnie knew, no overwhelming amount
Now, look here, old chap, said of affection for his uncle, might in a
Monk, I should think youd rather raise case of great need prove blood to be
that tin somehow than have it get about thicker (as per advertisement) than
that youd been playing pills at some water. But, he reflected, he must
pub out of bounds. What? represent himself as in danger of
Farnie, for one of the few occasions expulsion rather than flogging. He had
on record, was shaken out of his usual an uneasy idea that if the Bishop were
sang-froid. Even in his easy code of to discover that all he stood to get was a
morality there had always been one flogging, he would remark with
crime which was an anathema, the sort enthusiasm that, as far as he was
of thing no fellow could think of doing. concerned, the good work might go on.
But it was obviously at this that Monk Expulsion was different. To save a
was hinting. member of his family from expulsion,
Good Lord, man, he cried, you he might think it worth while to pass
dont mean to say youre thinking of round the hat amongst his wealthy
sneaking? Why, the fellows would boot acquaintances. If four plutocrats with
you round the field. You couldnt stay four sovereigns were to combine,
in the place a week. Farnie, by their united efforts, would be
There are heaps of ways, said saved. And he rather liked the notion of
Monk, in which a thing can get about being turned into a sort of limited
without anyone actually telling the liability company, like the Duke of
beaks. At present Ive not told a soul. Plaza Toro, at a pound a share. It
But, you know, if I let it out to anyone seemed to add a certain dignity to his
they might tell someone else, and so position.
on. And if everybody knows a thing, To Gethryns study, therefore, he
the beaks generally get hold of it sooner went directly school was over. If he
or later. Youd much better let me have had reflected, he might have known that
that four quid, old chap. he would not have been there while the
Farnie capitulated. match was going on. But his brain,
All right, he said, Ill get it fatigued with his recent calculations,
somehow. had not noted this point.
106 A PREFECT'S UNCLE
Hullo, Farnie, said he, what are him, and he wavered no longer. He
you playing at in here? opened the box again, took out the
What are you? retorted Farnie contents, and dropped them into his
politely. pocket. While he was about it, he
Come to fetch a book. Marriott said thought he might as well take all as only
I might. What are you up to? a part.
Oh, shut up! said Farnie. Why Then he wrote two notes. Oneto
shouldnt I come here if I like? Matter the Bishophe placed on top of the
of fact, I came to see Gethryn. cash-box; the other he placed with four
He isnt here, said Wilson sovereigns on the table in Monks
luminously. study. Finally he left the room, shut the
You dont mean to say youve door carefully behind him, and went to
noticed that already? Youve got an the yard at the back of the House, where
eye like a hawk, Wilson. I was just he kept his bicycle.
taking a look round, if you really want The workings of the human mind,
to know. and especially of the young human
Well, I shouldnt advise you to let mind, are peculiar. It never occurred to
Marriott catch you mucking his study Farnie that a result equally profitable to
up. Seen a book called Round the Red himself, and decidedly more convenient
Lamp? Oh, here it is. Coming over to for all concernedwith the possible
the field? exception of Monkmight have been
Not just yet. I want to have another arrived at if he had simply left the
look round. Dont you wait, though. money in the box, and run away without
Oh, all right. And Wilson retired it.
with his book. However, as the poet says, you cant
Now, though Wilson at present think of everything.
suspected nothing, not knowing of the
existence of the cash-box, Farnie felt
that when the money came to be THE BISHOP GOES FOR
missed, and inquiries were made as to
who had been in the study, and when, A RIDE
he would recall the interview. Two
The M.C.C. match opened
courses, therefore, remained open to
auspiciously. Norris, for the first time
him. He could leave the money
that season, won the toss. Tom Brown,
altogether, or he could take it and leave
we read, in a similar position, with the
himself. In other words, run away.
usual liberality of young hands, put his
In the first case there would, of
opponents in first. Norris was not so
course, remain the chance that he might
liberal. He may have been young, but
induce Gethryn to lend him the four
he was not so young as that. The sun
pounds, but this had never been more
was shining on as true a wicket as was
than a forlorn hope; and in the light of
ever prepared when he cried Heads,
the possibilities opened out by the cash-
and the coin, after rolling for some time
box, he thought no more of it. The real
in diminishing circles, came to a
problem was, should he or should he
standstill with the dragon undermost.
not take the money from the cash-box?
And Norris returned to the Pavilion and
As he hesitated, the recollection of
informed his gratified team that, all
Monks veiled threats came back to
things considered, he rather thought that
108 A PREFECT'S UNCLE
they would bat, and he would be stage whisper. Si-lence, says the
obliged if Baker would get on his pads form-master, and the whole business
and come in first with him. must be gone through again, with the
The M.C.C. men took the fieldO. added disadvantage that the master now
T. Blackwell, by the way, had shrunk has his eye fixed coldly on the
into a mere brother of the century- individual nearest the window, your
making A. T.and the two School only link with the outer world.
House representatives followed them. Various masters have various
An amateur of lengthy frame took the methods under such circumstances.
ball, a man of pace, to judge from the One more than excellent man used to
number of slips. Norris asked for two close his book and remark, I think
leg. An obliging umpire informed him well make up a little party to watch this
that he had got two leg. The long match. And the form, gasping its
bowler requested short slip to stand thanks, crowded to the windows.
finer, swung his arm as if to see that the Another, the exact antithesis of this
machinery still worked, and dashed great and good gentleman, on seeing a
wildly towards the crease. The match boy taking fitful glances through the
had begun. window, would observe acidly, You
There are few pleasanter or more are at perfect liberty, Jones, to watch
thrilling moments in ones school career the match if you care to, but if you do
than the first over of a big match. you will come in in the afternoon and
Pleasant, that is to say, if you are make up the time you waste. And as
actually looking on. To have to listen all that could be seen from that
to a match being started from the particular window was one of the
interior of a form-room is, of course, umpires and a couple of fieldsmen,
maddening. You hear the sound of bat Jones would reluctantly elect to reserve
meeting ball, followed by distant himself, and for the present to turn his
clapping. Somebody has scored. But attention to Euripides again.
who and what? It may be a four, or it If you are one of the team, and watch
may be a mere single. More important the match from the Pavilion, you escape
still, it may be the other side batting these trials, but there are others. In the
after all. Some miscreant has possibly first few overs of a School match, every
lifted your best bowler into the road. ball looks to the spectators like taking a
The suspense is awful. It ought to be a wicket. The fiendish ingenuity of the
School rule that the captain of the team slow bowler, and the lightning speed of
should send a message round the form- the fast man at the other end, make one
rooms stating briefly and lucidly the feel positively ill. When the first ten
result of the toss. Then one would has gone up on the scoring-board
know where one was. As it is, the matters begin to right themselves.
entire form is dependent on the man Today ten went up quickly. The fast
sitting under the window. The form- mans first ball was outside the off-
master turns to write on the blackboard. stump and a half-volley, and Norris,
The only hope of the form shoots up whatever the state of his nerves at the
like a rocket, gazes earnestly in the time, never forgot his forward drive.
direction of the Pavilion, and falls back Before the bowler had recovered his
with a thud into his seat. They havent balance the ball was half-way to the
started yet, he informs the rest in a ropes. The umpire waved a large hand
THE BISHOP GOES FOR A RIDE 109
without the slightest warning, a very Pringle cut and drove in all directions,
fast one on the leg stump. Then Reece with the air of a prince of the blood
came in for the last wicket, and the rot royal distributing largesse. The second
stopped. Reece always went in last for century went up to the accompaniment
the School, and the School in of cheers.
consequence always felt that there were Then the slow bowler reaped his
possibilities to the very end of the reward, for Pringle, after putting his
innings. first two balls over the screen, was
The lot of a last-wicket man is caught on the boundary off the third.
somewhat trying. As at any moment his He had contributed eighty-one to a total
best innings may be nipped in the bud of two hundred and thirteen.
by the other man getting out, he So far Gethryns absence had not
generally feels that it is hardly worth been noticed. But when the umpires
while to play himself in before had gone out, and the School were
endeavouring to make runs. He getting ready to take the field, inquiries
therefore tries to score off every ball, were made.
and thinks himself lucky if he gets half You might begin at the top end,
a dozen. Reece, however, took life Gosling, said Norris.
more seriously. He had made quite an Right, said Samuel. Whos going
art of last-wicket batting. Once, against on at the other?
the Butterflies, he had run up sixty not Baynes. Hullo, wheres Gethryn?
out, and there was always the chance Isnt he here? Perhaps hes in the
that he would do the same again. Pavi
Today, with Pringle at the other end, he Any of you chaps seen Gethryn?
looked forward to a pleasant hour or He isnt in the Pav., said Baker.
two at the wicket. Ive just come out of the First room
No bowler ever looks on the last myself, and he wasnt there. Shouldnt
man quite in the same light as he does wonder if hes over at Leicesters.
the other ten. He underrates him Dash the man, said Norris, he
instinctively. The M.C.C. fast bowler might have known wed be going out to
was a man with an idea. His idea was field soon. Anyhow, we cant wait for
that he could bowl a slow ball of him. We shall have to field a sub. till
diabolical ingenuity. As a rule, public he turns up.
feeling was against his trying the Lorimers in the Pav., changed,
experiment. His captains were in the said Pringle.
habit of enquiring rudely if he thought All right. Hell do.
he was playing marbles. This was And, reinforced by the gratified
exactly what the M.C.C. captain asked Lorimer, the team went on its way.
on the present occasion, when the head In the beginning the fortunes of the
ball sailed ponderously through the air, School prospered. Gosling opened, as
and was promptly hit by Reece into the was his custom, at a tremendous pace,
Pavilion. The bowler grinned, and and seemed to trouble the first few
resumed his ordinary pace. batsmen considerably. A worried-
But everything came alike to Reece. looking little person who had fielded
Pringle, too, continued his career of with immense zeal during the School
triumph. Gradually the score rose from innings at cover-point took the first
a hundred and seventy to two hundred. ball. It was very fast, and hit him just
THE M.C.C. MATCH 113
under the knee-cap. The pain, in spite Play, sir, from the umpire.
of the pad, appeared to be acute. The Eh, what? Oh, right. Yes, good
little man danced vigorously for some make these SussexSpankers. Oh,
time, and then, with much diffidence, well fielded.
prepared himself for the second At the word spankers he had effected
instalment. another drive, but Marriott at mid-off
Now, when on the cricket field, the had stopped it prettily.
truculent Samuel was totally deficient in Soon it began to occur to Norris that
all the finer feelings, such as pity and it would be advisable to have a change
charity. He could see that the batsman of bowling. Gosling was getting tired,
was in pain, and yet his second ball was and Baynes apparently offered no
faster than the first. It came in quickly difficulties to the batsman on the perfect
from the off. The little batsman went wicket, the conversational man in
forward in a hesitating, half-hearted particular being very severe upon him.
manner, and played a clear two inches It was at such a crisis that the Bishop
inside the ball. The off-stump shot out should have come in. He was Goslings
of the ground. understudy. But where was he? The
Bowled, Sammy, said Norris from innings had been in progress over half
his place in the slips. an hour now, and still there were no
The next man was a clergyman, a signs of him. A man, thought Norris,
large man who suggested possibilities who could cut off during the M.C.C.
in the way of hitting. But Gosling was match (of all matches!), probably on
irresistible. For three balls the priest some rotten business of his own, was
survived. But the last of the over, a fast beyond the pale, and must, on
yorker on the leg stump, was too much reappearance, be fallen upon and rent.
for him, and he retired. Hehere something small and red
Two for none. The critic in the deck whizzed at his face. He put up his
chair felt that the match was as good as hands to protect himself. The ball
over. struck them and bounded out again.
But this idyllic state of things was When a fast bowler is bowling a slip he
not to last. The newcomer, a tall man should not indulge in absent-
with a light moustache, which he felt mindedness. The conversational man
carefully after every ball, soon settled had received his first life, and, as he
down. He proved to be a was careful to explain to Reece, it was a
conversationalist. Until he had opened curious thing, but whenever he was let
his account, which he did with a strong off early in his innings he always made
drive to the ropes, he was silent. When, fifty, and as a rule a century. Goslings
however, he had seen the ball safely to analysis was spoilt, and the match in all
the boundary, he turned to Reece and probability lost. And Norris put it all
began. down to Gethryn. If he had been there,
Rather a nice one, that. Eh, what? this would not have happened.
Yes. Got it just on the right place, you Sorry, Gosling, he said.
know. Not a bad bat this, is it? What? All right, said Gosling, though
Yes. One of Slogbury and thinking quite the reverse. And he
Whanghams Sussex Spankers, dont walked back to bowl his next ball,
you know. Chose it myself. Had it in conjuring up a beautiful vision in his
pickle all the winter. Yes. mind. J. Douglas and Braund were
114 A PREFECT'S UNCLE
fielding slip to him in the vision, while But the M.C.C. in its school matches
in the background Norris appeared, in a has this peculiarity. However badly it
cauldron of boiling oil. may seem to stand, there is always
Tut, tut, said Baker facetiously to something up its sleeve. In this case it
the raging captain. was a professional, a man indecently
Bakers was essentially a flippant devoid of anything in the shape of
mind. Not even a moment of solemn nerves. He played the bowling with a
agony, such as this, was sacred to him. stolid confidence, amounting almost to
Norris was icy and severe. contempt, which struck a chill to the
If you want to rot about, Baker, he hearts of the School bowlers. It did
said, perhaps youd better go and play worse. It induced them to bowl with
stump-cricket with the juniors. the sole object of getting the
Well, retorted Baker, with great conversationalist at the batting end, thus
politeness, I suppose seeing you miss a enabling the professional to pile up an
gaper like that right into your hands unassuming but rapidly increasing score
made me think I was playing stump- by means of threes and singles.
cricket with the juniors. As for the conversationalist, he had
At this point the conversation made thirty or more, and wanted all the
ceased, Baker suddenly remembering bowling he could get.
that he had not yet received his First Its a very curious thing, he said to
Eleven colours, and that it would Reece, as he faced Gosling, after his
therefore be rash to goad the captain too partner had scored a three off the first
freely, while Norris, for his part, ball of the over, but some fellows
recalled the fact that Baker had simply detest fast bowling. Now I
promised to do some Latin verse for He never finished the sentence. When
him that evening, and might, if crushed he spoke again it was to begin a new
with some scathing repartee, refuse to one.
go through with that contract. So there How on earth did that happen? he
was silence in the slips. asked.
The partnership was broken at last I think it bowled you, said Reece
by a lucky accident. The stolidly, picking up the two stumps
conversationalist called his partner for a which had been uprooted by Goslings
short run, and when that unfortunate express.
gentleman had sprinted some twenty Yes. But how? Dash it! What? I
yards, reconsidered the matter and sent cant underst. Most curious thing I
him back. Reece had the bails off everdash it all, you know.
before the victim had completed a third He drifted off in the direction of the
of the return journey. Pavilion, stopping on the way to ask
For some time after this matters short leg his opinion of the matter.
began to favour the School again. With Bowled, Sammy, said Reece,
the score at a hundred and five, three putting on the bails.
men left in two overs, one bowled by Well bowled, Gosling, growled
Gosling, the others caught at point and Norris from the slips.
in the deep off Jennings, who had Sammy the marvel, by Jove, said
deposed Baynes. Six wickets were now Marriott. Switch it on, Samuel, more
down, and the enemy still over a and more.
hundred behind. I wish Norris would give me a rest.
THE M.C.C. MATCH 115
our only hope, Sammy. Do go in and brought his machine to School, but he
win. very seldom used it.
The new batsman had the bowling. At the beginning of the unexplored
He snicked his first ball for a single, country, an irresponsible person
bringing the novelist to the fore again, recommended him to go straight on. He
and Samuel Wilberforce Gosling vowed couldnt miss the road, said he. It was
a vow that he would dismiss that straight all the way. Gethryn thanked
distinguished novelist. him, rode on, and having gone a mile
But the best intentions go for nothing came upon three roads, each of which
when ones arm is feeling like lead. Of might quite well have been considered a
all the miserable balls sent down that continuation of the road on which he
afternoon that one of Goslings was the was already. One curved gently off to
worst. It was worse than anything of the right, the other two equally gently to
Marriotts. It flew sluggishly down the the left. He dismounted and the
pitch well outside the leg stump. The feelings of gratitude which he had borne
novelist watched it come, and his eye towards his informant for his lucid
gleamed. It was about to bounce for the directions vanished suddenly. He gazed
second time when, with a pleased smile, searchingly at the three roads, but to
the batsman stepped out. There was a single out one of them as straighter than
loud, musical report, the note of a bat the other two was a task that baffled
when it strikes the ball fairly on the him completely. A sign-post informed
driving spot. him of three things. By following road
The man of letters shaded his eyes one he might get to Brindleham, and
with his hand, and watched the ball ultimately, if he persevered, to Corden.
diminish in the distance. Road number two would lead him to
I rather think, said he cheerfully, as Old Inns, whatever they might be, with
a crash of glass told of its arrival at the the further inducement of Little
Pavilion, that that does it. Benbury, while if he cast in his lot with
He was perfectly right. It did. road three he might hope sooner or later
to arrive at Much Middlefold-on-the-
Hill, and Lesser Middlefold-in-the-
THE BISHOP FINISHES Vale. But on the subject of Anfield and
Anfield Junction the board was silent.
HIS RIDE Two courses lay open to him.
Should he select a route at random, or
Gethryn had started on his ride
wait for somebody to come and direct
handicapped by two things. He did not
him? He waited. He went on waiting.
know his way after the first two miles,
He waited a considerable time, and at
and the hedges at the roadside had just
last, just as he was about to trust to
been clipped, leaving the roads covered
luck, and make for Much Middlefold-
with small thorns.
on-the-Hill, a figure loomed in sight, a
It was the former of these
slow-moving man, who strolled down
circumstances that first made itself
the Old Inns road at a pace which
apparent. For two miles the road ran
seemed to argue that he had plenty of
straight, but after that it was unexplored
time on his hands.
country. The Bishop, being in both
I say, can you tell me the way to
cricket and football teams, had few
Anfield, please? said the Bishop as he
opportunities for cycling. He always
THE BISHOP FINISHES HIS RIDE 117
way to the Junction answered the riddle jolly well come back to Beckford, you
almost without thinking. He left his little beast.
machine out in the road and went on to But before that could be done there
the platform. The first thing that caught was Gethryns back wheel to be
his eye was the station clock with its mended. This took time. It was nearly
hands pointing to five past four. And half past four before they started.
when he realized that, his uncles train Oh, said Gethryn, as they were
having left a clear half hour before, his about to mount, theres that money. I
labours had all been for nothing, the full was forgetting. Out with it.
bitterness of life came home to him. Ten pounds had been the sum Farnie
He was turning away from the had taken from the study. Six was all
station when he stopped. Something he was able to restore. Gethryn
else had caught his eye. On a bench at enquired after the deficit.
the extreme end of the platform sat a I gave it to Monk, said Farnie.
youth. And a further scrutiny To Gethryn, in his present frame of
convinced the Bishop of the fact that mind, the mere mention of Monk was
the youth was none other than Master sufficient to uncork the vials of his
Reginald Farnie, late of Beckford, and wrath.
shortly, or he would know the reason What the blazes did you do that
why, to be once more of Beckford. for? Whats Monk got to do with it?
Other people besides himself, it He said hed get me sacked if I
appeared, could miss trains. didnt pay him, whined Farnie.
Farnie was reading one of those This was not strictly true. Monk had
halfpenny weeklies whichwith a not said. He had hinted. And he had
nerve which is the only creditable thing hinted at flogging, not expulsion.
about themcall themselves comic. Why? pursued the Bishop. What
He did not see the Bishop until a had you and Monk been up to?
shadow falling across his paper caused Farnie, using his out-of-bounds
him to look up. adventures as a foundation, worked up a
It was not often that he found highly artistic narrative of doings,
himself unequal to a situation. Monk in which, if they had actually been
a recent conversation had taken him performed, would certainly have
aback somewhat, but his feelings on entailed expulsion. He had judged
that occasion were not to be compared Gethryns character correctly. If the
with what he felt on seeing the one matter had been simply a case for a
person whom he least desired to meet flogging, the Bishop would have stood
standing at his side. His jaw dropped aside and let the thing go on. Against
limply, Comic Blitherings fluttered to the extreme penalty of School law he
the ground. felt bound as a matter of family duty to
The Bishop was the first to speak. shield his relative. And he saw a bad
Indeed, if he had waited for Farnie to time coming for himself in the very
break the silence, he would have waited near future. Either he must expose
long. Farnie, which he had resolved not to do,
Get up, he said. Farnie got up. or he must refuse to explain his absence
Come on. Farnie came. from the M.C.C. match, for by now
Go and get your machine, said there was not the smallest chance of his
Gethryn. Hurry up. And now you will being able to get back in time for the
THE BISHOP FINISHES HIS RIDE 119
He became icier than ever. for you in the team on the off chance of
Very well, Gethryn, he said, I your not having a previous engagement,
shall report this to the Headmaster. you know.
And Gethryn, feeling that the Thats your affair, said the Bishop,
conference was at an end, proceeded on youre captain. Have you finished
his way. your address? Is there anything else
After chapel there was Norris to be youd like to say?
handled. Norris had been rather late for Norris considered, and, as he went in
chapel that morning, and had no at Jephsons gate, wound up with this
opportunity of speaking to the Bishop. Parthian shaft
But after the service was over, and the All I can say is that youre not fit to
School streamed out of the building be at a public school. They ought to
towards their respective houses, he sack a chap for doing that sort of thing.
waylaid him at the door, and demanded If youll take my advice, youll leave.
an explanation. The Bishop refused to About two hours afterwards Gethryn
give one. Norris, whose temper never discovered a suitable retort, but, coming
had a chance of reaching its accustomed to the conclusion that better late than
tranquillity until he had consumed some never does not apply to repartees,
breakfasthe hated early morning refrained from speaking it.
chapelraved. The Bishop was It was Mr Jephsons usual custom to
worried, but firm. sally out after supper on Sunday
Then you mean to sayyou dont evenings to smoke a pipe (or several
mean to sayI mean, you dont intend pipes) with one of the other House-
to explain? said Norris finally, working masters. On this particular evening he
round for the twentieth time to his made for Robertsons, which was one
original text. of the four Houses on the opposite side
I cant explain. of the School grounds. He could hardly
You wont, you mean. have selected a better man to take his
Yes. Ill apologize if you like, but I grievance to. Mr Robertson was a long,
wont explain. silent man with grizzled hair, and an
Norris felt the strain was becoming eye that pierced like a gimlet. He had
too much for him. the enviable reputation of keeping the
Apologize! he moaned, addressing best order of any master in the School.
circumambient space. Apologize! A He was also one of the most popular of
man cuts off in the middle of the the staff. This was all the more
M.C.C. match, loses us the game, and remarkable from the fact that he played
then comes back and offers to no games.
apologize. To him came Mr Jephson, primed to
The offers withdrawn, put in bursting point with his grievance.
Gethryn. Apologies and explanations Anything wrong, Jephson? said Mr
are both off. It was hopeless to try and Robertson.
be conciliatory under the Wrong? I should just think there
circumstances. They did not admit of it. was. Did you happen to be looking at
Norris glared. the match yesterday, Robertson?
I suppose, he said, you dont Mr Robertson nodded.
expect to go on playing for the First I always watch School matches.
after this? We cant keep a place open Good match. Norris missed a bad catch
122 A PREFECT'S UNCLE
School, Smith had always been goes past the coach-room door, four to
singularly aggressive towards Pringle, the end wall, and out if you send it
and the latter found that much pleasure over. It is perfect.
was to be derived from hitting fours off There were two junior Ashbys,
his bowling. Subsequently he ate more twins, aged sixteen. They went to
strawberries and cream than were, school at Charchester, returning to the
strictly speaking, good for him, and did ancestral home for the weekend.
the honours at the study tea-party with Sometimes when Pringle came they
the grace of a born host. And, as he had would bring a school friend, in which
hoped, Miss Mabel Lorimer did ask case Pringle and he would play the
what that silver-plate was stuck on to twins. But as a rule the programme
that bat for. consisted of a series of five test
It is not to be wondered at that in the matches, Charchester versus Beckford;
midst of these festivities such trivialities and as Pringle was almost exactly twice
as Lorimers poem found no place in as good as each of the twins taken
his thoughts. It was not until the individually, when they combined it
following day that he was reminded of made the sides very even, and the test
it. matches were fought out with the most
That Sunday was a visiting Sunday. deadly keenness.
Visiting Sundays occurred three times a After lunch the Colonel was in the
term, when everybody who had friends habit of taking Pringle for a stroll in the
and relations in the neighbourhood was grounds, to watch him smoke a cigar or
allowed to spend the day with them. two. On this Sunday the conversation
Pringle on such occasions used to ride during the walk, after beginning, as was
over to Biddlehampton, the scene of right and proper, with cricket, turned to
Farnies adventures, on somebody work.
elses bicycle, his destination being the Let me see, said the Colonel, as
residence of a certain Colonel Ashby, Pringle finished the description of how
no relation, but a great friend of his point had almost got to the square cut
fathers. which had given him his century against
The gallant Colonel had, besides his Charchester, youre out of the Upper
other meritswhich were numerous- Fifth now, arent you? I always used to
the pleasant characteristic of leaving his think you were going to be a fixture
guests to themselves. To be left to there. You are like your father in that
oneself under some circumstances is apt way. I remember him at Rugby
to be a drawback, but in this case there spending years on end in the same
was never any lack of amusements. form. Couldnt get out of it. But you
The only objection that Pringle ever did get your remove, if I remember?
found was that there was too much to Rather, said Pringle, years ago.
do in the time. There was shooting, Thats to say, last term. And Im jolly
riding, fishing, and also stump-cricket. glad I did, too.
Given proper conditions, no game in His errant memory had returned to
existence yields to stump-cricket in the the poetry prize once more.
matter of excitement. A stable-yard Oh, said the Colonel, why is that?
makes the best pitch, for the walls stop Pringle explained the peculiar
all hits and you score solely by disadvantages that attended
boundaries, one for every hit, two if it membership of the Upper Fifth during
POETRY AND STUMP-CRICKET 125
which was in his mind was clearly a gift not out, compiled as it was against the
of Fortune. How much better it would finest bowling Charchester could
be to read thoughtfully through this produce, and on a wicket that was
poem, and quarry out a set of verses always treacherous (theres a brick
from it suitable to Lorimers needs, than loose at the top end), was an effort
to waste his brain-tissues in trying to unique in its heroism.
evolve something original from his own Oh, come on, said the defeated
inner consciousness. Pringle objected team.
strongly to any unnecessary waste of his If you have fluked a win, said
brain-tissues. Besides, the best poets James, its nothing much. Wait till
borrowed. Virgil did it. Tennyson did next visiting Sunday.
it. Even Homerwe have it on the And the teams went in to tea.
authority of Mr Kiplingwhen he In the programme which Pringle had
smote his blooming lyre went and stole mapped out for himself, he was to go to
what he thought he might require. Why bed with his book at the highly
should Pringle of the School House respectable hour of ten, work till eleven,
refuse to follow in such illustrious and then go to sleep. But programmes
footsteps? are notoriously subject to alterations.
It was at this point that the guileful Pringles was altered owing to a remark
James delivered his insidious yorker, made immediately after dinner by John
and the dull thud of the tennis ball on Ashby, who, desirous of retrieving the
the board which served as the wicket fallen fortunes of Charchester, offered
told a listening world that Charchester to play Pringle a hundred up at billiards,
had won the fourth test match, and that giving him thirty. Now Pringles ability
the scores were now two all. in the realm of sport did not extend to
But Beckfords star was to ascend billiards. But the human being who can
again. Pringles mind was made up. hear unmoved a fellow human being
He would read the printed poem that offering him thirty start in a game of a
very night, and before retiring to rest he hundred has yet to be born. He
would have Lorimers verses complete accepted the challenge, and permission
and ready to be sent in for judgement to to play having been granted by the
the examiner. But for the present he powers that were, on the understanding
would dismiss the matter from his that the cloth was not to be cut and as
mind, and devote himself to polishing few cues broken as possible, the game
off the Charchester champions in the began, James acting as marker.
fifth and final test match. And in this There are doubtless ways by which a
he was successful, for just as the bell game of a hundred up can be got
rang, summoning the players in to a through in less than two hours, but with
well-earned tea, a sweet forward drive Pringle and his opponent desire outran
from his walking-stick crashed against performance. When the highest break
the end wall, and Beckford had won the on either side is six, and the average
rubber. break two, matters progress with more
As the young batsman, undefeated stateliness than speed. At last, when the
to the last, reached the pavilion, said hands of the clock both pointed to the
Pringle, getting into his coat, a figure eleven, Pringle, whose score had
prolonged and deafening salvo of been at ninety-eight since half-past ten,
cheers greeted him. His twenty-three found himself within two inches of his
POETRY AND STUMP-CRICKET 127
opponents ball, which was tottering on He did not mention how, and
the very edge of the pocket. He Lorimer did not ask.
administered the coup de grace with the Well, anyhow, said Lorimer,
air of a John Roberts, and retired thanks awfully. I hope youve not
triumphant; while the Charchester fagged about it too much.
representatives pointed out that as their Oh no, said Pringle airily, rather
score was at seventy-four, they had not. Its been no trouble at all.
really won a moral victory by four He thus, it will be noticed, concluded
points. To which specious and a painful and immoral scene by
unsportsmanlike piece of sophistry speaking perfect truth. A most
Pringle turned a deaf ear. gratifying reflection.
It was now too late for any serious
literary efforts. No bard can do without
his sleep. Even Homer used to nod at WE, THE
times. So Pringle contented himself
with reading through the poem, which UNDERSIGNED
consisted of some thirty lines, and
Norris kept his word with regard to
copying the same down on a sheet of
the Bishops exclusion from the
notepaper for future reference. After
Eleven. The team which had beaten the
which he went to bed.
O.B.s had not had the benefit of his
In order to arrive at Beckford in time
assistance, Lorimer appearing in his
for morning school, he had to start from
stead. Lorimer was a fast right-hand
the house at eight oclock punctually.
bowler, deadly in House matches or on
This left little time for poetical lights.
a very bad wicket. He was the mainstay
The consequence was that when
of the Second Eleven attack, and in an
Lorimer, on the following afternoon,
ordinary year would have been certain
demanded the poem as per contract, all
of his First Eleven cap. This season,
that Pringle had to show was the copy
however, with Gosling, Baynes, and the
which he had made of the poem in the
Bishop, the School had been unusually
book. There was a moments suspense
strong, and Lorimer had had to wait.
while Conscience and Sheer
The non-appearance of his name on
Wickedness fought the matter out inside
the notice-board came as no surprise to
him, and then Conscience, which had
Gethryn. He had had the advantage of
started on the encounter without
listening to Norriss views on the
enthusiasm, being obviously flabby and
subject. But when Marriott grasped the
out of condition, threw up the sponge.
facts of the case, he went to Norris and
Here you are, said Pringle, its
raved. Norris, as is right and proper in
only a rough copy, but here it is.
the captain of a School team when the
Lorimer perused it hastily.
wisdom of his actions is called into
But, I say, he observed in surprised
question, treated him with no respect
and awestruck tones, this is rather
whatever.
good.
Its no good talking, he said, when
It seemed to strike him as quite a
Marriott had finished a brisk opening
novel idea. Yes, not bad, is it?
speech, I know perfectly well what Im
But itll get the prize.
doing.
Oh, we shall have to prevent that
Then theres no excuse for you at
somehow.
all, said Marriott. If you were mad or
128 A PREFECT'S UNCLE
nuisance. You get into flannels, and, from his study one afternoon, was
still half asleep, stagger off to the field, aware of what appeared to be a species
where a hired ruffian hits you up of free fight going on in the doorway of
catches which bite like serpents and the senior day-room. The senior day-
sting like adders. From time to time he room was where the rowdy element of
adds insult to injury by shouting get to the House collected, the individuals
em!, get to em!a remark which who were too old to be fags, and too
finds but one parallel in the language, low down in the School to own studies.
the keep moving of the football Under ordinary circumstances the
captain. Altogether there are many Bishop would probably have passed on
more pleasant occupations than early without investigating the matter. A
morning field-outs, and it requires a head of a house hates above all things to
considerable amount of keenness to get a name for not minding his own
carry the victim through them without business in unimportant matters. Such
hopelessly souring his nature and a reputation tells against him when he
causing him to foster uncharitable has to put his foot down over big
thoughts towards his House captain. things. To have invaded the senior day-
J. Monk of Leicesters found this room and stopped a conventional senior
increased activity decidedly day-room rag would have been
uncongenial. He had no real patriotism interfering with the most cherished
in him. He played cricket well, but he rights of the citizens, the freedom which
played entirely for himself. is the birthright of every Englishman, so
If, for instance, he happened to make to speak.
fifty in a matchand it happened fairly But as he passed the door which had
frequentlyhe vastly preferred that the just shut with a bang behind the free
rest of the side should make ten fighters, he heard Monks voice inside,
between them than that there should be and immediately afterwards the voice of
any more half-centuries on the score Danvers, and he stopped. In the first
sheet, even at the expense of losing the place, he reasoned within himself, if
match. It was not likely, therefore, that Monk and Danvers were doing
he would take kindly to this anything, it was probably something
mortification of the flesh, the sole wrong, and ought to be stopped.
object of which was to make everybody Gethryn always had the feeling that it
as conspicuous as everybody else. was his duty to go and see what Monk
Besides, in the matter of fielding he and Danvers were doing, and tell them
considered that he had nothing to learn, they mustnt. He had a profound belief
which, as Euclid would say, was in their irreclaimable villainy. In the
absurd. Fielding is one of the things second place, having studies of their
which is never perfect. own, they had no business to be in the
Monk, moreover, had another reason senior day-room at all. It was contrary
for disliking the field-outs. Gethryn, as to the etiquette of the House for a study
captain of the House team, was man to enter the senior day-room, and
naturally master of the ceremonies, and as a rule the senior day-room resented
Monk objected to Gethryn. For this it. As to all appearances they were not
dislike he had solid reasons. About a resenting it now, the obvious conclusion
fortnight after the commencement of was that something was going on which
term, the Bishop, going downstairs ought to cease.
130 A PREFECT'S UNCLE
The Bishop opened the door. and what have you got to do with it?
Etiquette did not compel the head of the Monk began to shuffle.
House to knock, the rule being that you Oh, it was nothing much, he said.
knocked only at the doors of those Then what are you doing with the
senior to you in the House. He was stick? pursued the Bishop relentlessly.
consequently enabled to witness a Young Wilson cheeked Perkins,
tableau which, if warning had been said Monk.
received of his coming, would possibly Murmurs of approval from the senior
have broken up before he entered. In day-room. Perkins was one of the
the centre of the group was Wilson, ornaments referred to above.
leaning over the study table, not so How? asked Gethryn.
much as if he liked so leaning as Wilson dashed into the conversation
because he was held in that position by again.
Danvers. In the background stood Perkins told me to go and get him
Monk, armed with a walking-stick. some grub from the shop. I was doing
Round the walls were various some work, so I couldnt. Besides, Im
ornaments of the senior day-room in not his fag. If Perkins wants to go for
attitudes of expectant attention, being me, why doesnt he do it himself, and
evidently content to play the part of not get about a hundred fellows to help
friends and retainers, leaving the him?
leading parts in the hands of Monk and Exactly, said the Bishop. A very
his colleague. sensible suggestion. Perkins, fall upon
Hullo, said the Bishop, whats Wilson and slay him. Ill see fair play.
going on? Go ahead.
Its all right, old chap, said Monk, Erno, said Perkins uneasily. He
grinning genially, were only having an was a small, weedy-looking youth, not
execution. built for fighting except by proxy, and
Whats the row? said the Bishop. he remembered the episode of Wilson
Whats Wilson been doing? and Skinner.
Nothing, broke in that youth, who Then the things finished, said
had wriggled free from Danverss Gethryn. Wilson walks over. We
clutches. I havent done a thing, neednt detain you, Wilson.
Gethryn. These beasts lugged me out of Wilson departed with all the honours
the junior day-room without saying of war, and the Bishop turned to Monk.
what for or anything. Now perhaps youll tell me, he
The Bishop began to look said, what the deuce you and Danvers
dangerous. This had all the outward are doing here?
aspect of a case of bullying. Under Well, hang it all, old chap
Reynoldss leadership Leicesters had The Bishop begged that Monk would
gone in rather extensively for bullying, not call him old chap.
and the Bishop had waited hungrily for Ill call you sir, if you like, said
a chance of catching somebody actively Monk.
engaged in the sport, so that he might A gleam of hope appeared in the
drop heavily on that person and make Bishops eye. Monk was going to give
life unpleasant for him. him the opportunity he had long sighed
Well? he said, turning to Monk, for. In cold blood he could attack no
lets have it. What was it all about, one, not even Monk, but if he was going
WE, THE UNDERSIGNED 131
crossed his legs, and coughed. Danvers Reece perused the document
and Waterford leaned in picturesque gravely. Then he handed it back to its
attitudes against the door and owner.
mantelpiece. There was a silence for a What rot, said he.
minute, during which Reece continued I dont think so at all, said Monk.
to write unmoved. Nor do I, broke in Danvers,
Take a seat, Monk, he said at last, speaking for the first time. What else
without looking up. can we do? We cant let a chap like
Oh, er, thanks, I have, said Monk. Gethryn stick to the captaincy.
I say, Reece, we wanted to speak to Why not?
you. A cad like that!
Go ahead then, said Reece. I can Thats a matter of opinion. I dont
listen and write at the same time. Im suppose everyone thinks him a cad. I
doing this prose against time. dont, personally.
Its about Gethryn. Well, anyway, asked Waterford,
Whats Gethryn been doing? are you going to sign?
Oh, I dont know. Nothing special. My good man, of course Im not.
Its about his being captain of the Do you mean to say you seriously
House team. The chaps seem to think intend to hand in that piffle to
he ought to resign. Gethryn?
Which chaps? enquired Reece, Rather, said Monk.
laying down his pen and turning round Then youll be making fools of
in his chair. yourselves. Ill tell you exactly whatll
The rest of the team, you know. happen, if you care to know. Gethryn
Why dont they think he ought to be will read this rot, and simply cut
captain? The head of the House is everybody whose name appears on the
always captain of the House team list out of the House team. I dont
unless hes too bad to be in it at all. know if youre aware of it, but there are
Dont the chaps think Gethryns good at several other fellows besides you in the
cricket? House. And if you come to think of it,
Oh, hes good enough, said Monk. you arent so awfully good. You three
Its more about this M.C.C. match are in the Second. The other five
business, you know. His cutting off havent got colours at all.
like that in the middle of the match. Anyhow, were all in the House
The chaps think the House ought to take team, said Monk.
some notice of it. Express its Dont let that worry you, said
disapproval, and that sort of thing. Reece, you wont be long, if you show
And what do the chaps think of Gethryn that interesting document.
doing about it? Anything else I can do for you?
Monk inserted a hand in his breast- No, thanks, said Monk. And the
pocket, and drew forth the round-robin. deputation retired.
He straightened it out, and passed it When they had gone, Reece made
over to Reece. his way to the Bishops study. It was
Weve drawn up this notice, he not likely that the deputation would
said, and we came to see if youd sign deliver their ultimatum until late at
it. Nearly all the other chaps in the night, when the study would be empty.
team have. From what Reece knew of Monk, he
LEICESTERS HOUSE TEAM GOES INTO A SECOND EDITION 133
Now, for the last places. I vote we each buck up. Practise fielding every minute
select a man, and nobodys allowed to of your spare time. Anybodyll hit you
appeal against the others decision. I up catches if you ask them.
lead off with Crowinshaw. Good name, Right, said Wilson, I will.
Crowinshaw. Look well on a score All right, then. Go, and tell Lee that
sheet. I want to see him.
Heave us the list, said Marriott. Lee, said the Bishop, when that
Thanks. My dear sir, theres only one worthy appeared, I wanted to see you,
man in the running at all, which his to tell you youre playing for the House
names Chamberlain. Shove down against Websters. Thought you might
Joseph, and dont let me hear anyone like to know.
breathe a word against him. Come on, By Jove, said Lee, am I really?
Reece, lets have your man. I bet Reece Yes. Buck up with your fielding.
selects some weird rotter. Right, said Lee.
Reece pondered. Thats all. If youre going
Carstairs, he said. downstairs, you might tell Adams to
Oh, my very dear sir! Carstairs! come up.
All criticism barred, said the For a quarter of an hour the Bishop
Bishop. interviewed the junior members of his
Sorry. By the way, what House are team, and impressed on each of them
we drawn against in the first round? the absolute necessity of bucking up
Websters. with his fielding. And each of them
Ripping. We can smash Websters. protested that the matter should receive
Theyve got nobody. Itll be rather a his best consideration.
good thing having an easy time in our Well, theyre keen enough anyway,
first game. We shall be able to get said Marriott, as the door closed behind
some idea about the teams play. I Carstairs, the last of the new recruits,
shouldnt think we could possibly get and thats the great thing. Hullo,
beaten by Websters. whos that? I thought you had worked
There was a knock at the door. through the lot. Come in!
Wilson came in with a request that he A small form appeared in the
might fetch a book that he had left in doorway, carrying in its right hand a
the study. neatly-folded note.
Oh, Wilson, just the man I wanted Monk told me to give you this,
to see, said the Bishop. Wilson, Gethryn.
youre playing against Websters next Half a second, said the Bishop, as
week. the youth made for the door. There
By Jove, said Wilson, am I may be an answer.
really? Monk said there wouldnt be one.
He had spent days in working out on Oh. No, its all right. There isnt
little slips of paper during school his an answer.
exact chances of getting a place in the The door closed. The Bishop
House team. Recently, however, he had laughed, and threw the note over to
almost ceased to hope. He had Reece.
reckoned on at least eight of the senior Recognize it?
study being chosen before him. Reece examined the paper.
Yes, said the Bishop, you must Its a fair copy. The one Monk
LEICESTERS HOUSE TEAM GOES INTO A SECOND EDITION 135
The other two stopped dead. toss, and made thirty-five. For
Burgess ran on and made the catch. Leicesters, Reece and Gethryn scored
Now, there you are, said Pringle, fifty and sixty-two respectively, and
pointing his moral, see how those two Marriott fifty-three not out. They then,
kids stopped when Gethryn called. If with two wickets down, declared, and
that had happened in one of our rattled Websters out for seventy. The
matches, youd have had half a dozen public, which had had its eye on the
men rotting about underneath the ball, team, in order to see how its tail was
and getting in one anothers way, and likely to shape, was disappointed. The
then probably winding up by everybody only definite fact that could be gleaned
leaving the catch to everybody else. from the match was that the junior
Oh, come on, said Lorimer, youre members of the team were not to be
getting morbid. Why the dickens didnt despised in the field. The early
you think of having our fellows out for morning field-outs had had their effect.
fielding practice, if youre so keen on Adams especially shone, while Wilson
it? at cover and Burgess in the deep
They wouldnt have come. When a recalled Jessop and Tyldesley.
chap gets colours, he seems to think The School made a note of the fact.
hes bought the place. You cant drag a So did the Bishop. He summoned the
Second Eleven man out of his bed eight juniors seriatim to his study, and
before breakfast to improve his administered much praise, coupled with
fielding. He thinks it cant be the news that fielding before breakfast
improved. Theyre a heart-breaking would go on as usual.
crew. Leicesters had drawn against
Good, said Lorimer, I suppose that Jephsons in the second round. Norriss
includes me? lot had beaten Cookes by, curiously
No. Youre a model man. I have enough, almost exactly the same margin
seen you hold a catch now and then. as that by which Leicesters had
Thanks. Oh, I say, I gave in the defeated Websters. It was generally
poem yesterday. I hope the deuce it considered that this match would decide
wont get the prize. I hope they wont Leicesters chances for the cup. If they
spot, either, that I didnt write the could beat a really hot team like
thing. Jephsons, it was reasonable to suppose
Not a chance, said Pringle that they would do the same to the rest
complacently, youre all right. Dont of the Houses, though the School House
you worry yourself. would have to be reckoned with. But
Websters, against whom Leicesters the School House, as Pringle had
had been drawn in the opening round of observed, was weak in the field. It was
the House matches, had three men in not a coherent team. Individually its
their team, and only three, who knew members were good, but they did not
how to hold a bat. It was the slackest play together as Leicesters did.
House in the School, and always had But the majority of the School did
been. It did not cause any not think seriously of their chances.
overwhelming surprise, accordingly, Except for Pringle, who, as has been
when Leicesters beat them without mentioned before, always made a point
fatigue by an innings and a hundred and of thinking differently from everyone
twenty-one runs. Websters won the else, no one really believed that they
NORRIS TAKES A SHORT HOLIDAY 137
would win the cup, or even appear in point nought three two, so would he
the final. How could a team whose tail come and make thirty-eight point
began at the fall of the second wicket nought three two for Little Bindlebury?
defeat teams which, like the School This, thought Norris, is Fame.
House, had no real tail at all? This is where I spread myself. I must
Norris supported this view. It was be in this at any price.
for this reason that when, at breakfast He showed the letter to Baker.
on the day on which Jephsons were What a pity, said Baker.
due to play Leicesters, he received an Whats a pity?
invitation from one of his many uncles That you wont be able to go. It
to spend a weekend at his house, he seems rather a catch.
decided to accept it. Cant go? said Norris; my dear sir,
This uncle was a man of wealth. youre talking through your hat. Think
After winning two fortunes on the Stock Im going to refuse an invitation like
Exchange and losing them both, he had this? Not if I know it. Im going to
at length amassed a third, with which he toddle off to Jephson, get an exeat, and
retired in triumph to the country, catch that one-forty. And if I dont
leaving Throgmorton Street to exist as paralyse the Pudford bowling, Ill shoot
best it could without him. He had myself.
bought a show-place at a village But the House match! Leicesters!
which lay twenty miles by rail to the This afternoon! gurgled the amazed
east of Beckford, and it had always Baker.
been Norriss wish to see this show- Oh, hang Leicesters. Surely the
place, a house which was said to rest of you can lick the Kids Happy
combine the hoariest of antiquity with a League without my help. If you cant,
variety of modern comforts. you ought to be ashamed of yourselves.
Merely to pay a flying visit there Ive chosen you a wicket with my own
would be good. But his uncle held out hands, fit to play a test match on.
an additional attraction. If Norris could Of course we ought to lick them.
catch the one-forty from Horton, he But you can never tell at cricket whats
would arrive just in time to take part in going to happen. We oughtnt to run
a cricket match, that day being the day any risks when weve got such a good
of the annual encounter with the chance of winning the pot. Why, its
neighbouring village of Pudford. The centuries since we won the pot. Dont
rector of Pudford, the opposition you go.
captain, so wrote Norriss uncle, had by I must, man. Its the chance of a
underhand means lured down three lifetime.
really decent players from Oxfordnot Baker tried another method of attack.
Blues, but almostwho had come to Besides, he said, you dont
the village ostensibly to read classics suppose Jephsonll let you off to play in
with him as their coach, but in reality a beastly little village game when
for the sole purpose of snatching from theres a House match on?
Little Bindlebury (his own village) the He must never know! hissed
laurels they had so nobly earned the Norris, after the manner of the Surrey-
year before. He had heard that Norris side villain.
was captaining the Beckford team this Hes certain to ask why you want to
year, and had an average of thirty-eight get off so early.
138 A PREFECT'S UNCLE
himself by fixing his attention steadily fallen, Norris was sufficiently himself
on some object, and devoting his whole again to be able to enquire into the
energies to the acquisition of the same. matter.
Norris chose the last method. On the How on earth did you do it? How
Saturday week following his did it happen?
performance for Little Bindlebury, the Gosling looked guiltier than ever.
Beckford Eleven was due to journey to It was on Saturday evening, he
Charchester, to play the return match said. We were ragging about at home
against that school on their opponents a bit, you know, and my young sister
ground, and Norris resolved that that wanted me to send her down a few
match should be won. For the next balls. Somebody had given her a
week the team practised assiduously, composition bean and a bat, and shes
those members of it who were not been awfully keen on the game ever
playing in House matches spending since she got them.
every afternoon at the nets. The I think its simply sickening the way
treatment was not without its effect. girls want to do everything we do, said
The team had been a good one before. Norris disgustedly.
Now every one of the eleven seemed to Gosling spoke for the defence.
be at the very summit of his powers. Well, shes only thirteen. You cant
New and hitherto unsuspected strokes blame the kid. Seemed to me a jolly
began to be developed, leg glances healthy symptom. Laudable ambition
which recalled the Hove and and that sort of thing.
Ranjitsinhji, late cuts of Palairetical Well?
brilliance. In short, all Nature may be Well, I sent down one or two. She
said to have smiled, and by the end of played em like a book. Bit inclined to
the week Norris was beginning to be pull. All girls are. So I put in a long
almost cheerful once more. And then, hop on the off, and she let go at it like
on the Monday before the match, Jessop. Shes got a rattling stroke in
Samuel Wilberforce Gosling came to mid-ons direction. Well, the bean
school with his right arm in a sling. came whizzing back rather wide on the
Norris met him at the School gates, right. I doubled across to bring off a
rubbed his eyes to see whether it was beefy c-and-b, and the bally thing took
not after all some horrid optical illusion, me right on the tips of the fingers.
and finally, when the stern truth came Those composition balls hurt like
home to him, almost swooned with blazes, I can tell you. Smashed my
anguish. second finger simply into hash, and I
What? How? Why? he enquired couldnt grip a ball now to save my
lucidly. life. Much less bowl. Im awfully
The injured Samuel smiled feebly. sorry. Its a shocking nuisance.
Im fearfully sorry, Norris, he said. Norris agreed with him. It was more
Dont say you cant play on than a nuisance. It was a staggerer.
Saturday, moaned Norris. Now that Gethryn no longer figured for
Frightfully sorry. I know its a bit the First Eleven, Gosling was the
of a sickener. But I dont see how I Schools one hope. Baynes was good
can, really. The doctor says I shant be on his wicket, but the wickets he liked
able to play for a couple of weeks. were the sea-of-mud variety, and this
Now that the blow had definitely summer fine weather had set in early
VERSUS CHARCHESTER (AT CHARCHESTER) 141
and continued. Lorimer was also the M.C.C. match Gethryns name
useful, but not to be mentioned in the appeared in its usual place.
same breath as the great Samuel. The Norris is learning wisdom in his old
former was good, the latter would be age, said Marriott to the Bishop, as
good in a year or so. His proper sphere they walked over to the House that
of action was the tail. If the first pair of evening.
bowlers could dismiss five good Leicesters were in the middle of
batsmen, Lorimers fast, straight their semi-final, and looked like
deliveries usually accounted for the winning it.
rest. But there had to be somebody to I was just wondering what to do
pave the way for him. He was about it, said Gethryn. What would
essentially a change bowler. It is hardly you do? Play, do you think?
to be wondered at that Norris very soon Play! My dear man, what else did
began to think wistfully of the Bishop, you propose to do? You werent
who was just now doing such great thinking of refusing?
things with the ball, wasting his I was.
sweetness on the desert air of the House But, man! Thats rank treason. If
matches. Would it be consistent with youre put down to play for the School
his dignity to invite him back into the you must play. Theres no question
team? It was a nice point. With some about it. If Norris knocked you down
persons there might be a risk. But with one hand and put you up on the
Gethryn, as he knew perfectly well, was board with the other, youd have to play
not the sort of fellow to rub in the all the same. You mustnt have any
undeniable fact that the School team feelings where the School is concerned.
could not get along without him. He Nobodys ever refused to play in a first
had half decided to ask him to play match. Its one of the things you cant
against Charchester, when Gosling do. Norris hasnt given you much of a
suggested the very same thing. time lately, I admit. Still, you must
Why dont you have Gethryn in lump that. Excuse sermon. I hope its
again? he said. Youve stood him out done you good.
against the O.B.s and the Masters. Very well. Ill play. Its rather rot,
Surely thats enough. Especially as though.
hes miles the best bowler in the No, its all right, really. Its only
School. that youve got into a groove. Youre
Bar yourself. so used to doing the heavy martyr, that
Not a bit. He can give me points. the sudden change has knocked you out
You take my tip and put him in again. rather. Come and have an ice before
Think hed play if I put him down? the shop shuts.
Because, you know, Im dashed if Im So Gethryn came once more into the
going to do any grovelling and that sort team, and travelled down to Charchester
of thing. with the others. And at this point a
Certain to, I should think. Anyhow, painful alternative faces me. I have to
its worth trying. choose between truth and inclination. I
Pringle, on being consulted, gave the should like to say that the Bishop
same opinion, and Norris was eclipsed himself, and broke all previous
convinced. The list went up that records in the Charchester match. By
afternoon, and for the first time since the rules of the dramatic, nothing else is
142 A PREFECT'S UNCLE
possible. But truth, though it crush me, interval had encountered his young
and truth compels me to admit that his friends the Ashbys, and had been duly
performance was in reality distinctly taunted by them on the subject of
mediocre. One of his weak points as a leather-hunting, was top scorer with
bowler was that he was at sea when forty-one. Norris, I regret to say, only
opposed to a left-hander. Many made three, running himself out in his
bowlers have this failing. Some strange second over. As the misfortune could
power seems to compel them to bowl not, by any stretch of imagination, be
solely on the leg side, and nothing but laid at anybody elses door but his own,
long hops and full pitches. It was so in he was decidedly savage. The team
the case of Gethryn. Charchester won returned to Beckford rather footsore,
the toss, and batted first on a perfect very disgusted, and abnormally silent.
wicket. The first pair of batsmen were Norris sulked by himself at one end of
the captain, a great bat, who had scored the saloon carriage, and the Bishop
seventy-three not out against Beckford sulked by himself at the other end, and
in the previous match, and a left-handed even Marriott forbore to treat the
fiend. Bayness leg-breaks were useless situation lightly. It was a mournful
on a wicket which, from the hardness of home-coming. No cheering wildly as
it, might have been constructed of the brake drove to the College from
asphalt, and the rubbish the Bishop Horton, no shouting of the School song
rolled up to the left-handed artiste was in various keys as they passed through
painful to witness. At four oclock- the big gates. Simply silence. And
the match had started at half-past eleven except when putting him on to bowl, or
the Charchester captain reached his taking him off, or moving him in the
century, and was almost immediately field, Norris had not spoken a word to
stumped off Baynes. The Bishop the Bishop the whole afternoon.
bowled the next man first ball, the one It was shortly after this disaster that
bright spot in his afternoons Mr Mortimer Wells came to stay with
performance. Then came another long the Headmaster. Mr Mortimer Wells
stand, against which the Beckford was a brilliant and superior young man,
bowling raged in vain. At five oclock, who was at some pains to be a cynic.
Charchester by that time having made He was an old pupil of the Heads in the
two hundred and forty-one for two days before he had succeeded to the
wickets, the left-hander ran into three rule of Beckford. He had the reputation
figures, and the captain promptly of being a ripe scholar, and to him had
declared the innings closed. Beckfords been deputed the task of judging the
only chance was to play for a draw, and poetical outbursts of the bards of the
in this they succeeded. When stumps Upper Fifth, with the object of
were drawn at a quarter to seven, the awarding to the most deservingor,
score was a hundred and three, and five perhaps, to the least undeservingthe
wickets were down. The Bishop had handsome prize bequeathed by his
the satisfaction of being not out with open-handed highness, the Rajah of
twenty-eight to his credit, but nothing Seltzerpore.
less than a century would have been This gentleman sat with his legs
sufficient to soothe him after his stretched beneath the Headmasters
shocking bowling performance. generous table. Dinner had come to an
Pringle, who during the luncheon end, and a cup of coffee, acting in co-
VERSUS CHARCHESTER (AT CHARCHESTER) 143
fortune eer deny her? Were not all her amazed, simply amazed. How the boy
warriors brave? That last line seems to I dont even remember his name-
me distinctly weak. I dont know how contrived to get hold of them, I have not
it strikes you. the slightest conception. But that he did
Youre hypercritical, Wells, said so contrive is certain. The poem is
the Head. Now, for a boy I consider word for word, literally word for word,
that a very good beginning. What do the same as one which I wrote when I
you say, Lawrie? was at Cambridge.
Ier. Oh, I think I am hardly a You
judge. dont say so!
To resume, said Mr Mortimer Yes. It can hardly be a
Wells. He resumed, and ran through coincidence.
the remaining verses of the poem with Hardly, said the Head. Are you
comments. When he had finished, he certain of this?
remarked that, in his opinion a whiff of Perfectly certain. I am not eager to
fresh air would not hurt him. If the claim the authorship, I can assure you,
Headmaster would excuse him, he especially after Mr Wellss very
would select another of those excellent outspoken criticisms, but there is
cigars, and smoke it out of doors. nothing else to be done. The poem
By all means, said the Head; I appeared more than a dozen years ago,
think I wont join you myself, but in a small book called The Dark Horse.
perhaps Lawrie will. Ah! Something in the Whyte
No, thank you. I think I will Melville style, I suppose?
remain. Yes, I think I will remain. No, said Mr Lawrie sharply. No.
Mr Wells walked jauntily out of the Certainly not. They were serious
room. When the door had shut, Mr poems, tragical most of them. I had
Lawrie coughed nervously. them collected, and published them at
Another cigar, Lawrie? my own expense. Very much at my
Ierno, thank you. I want to ask own expense. I used a pseudonym, I
you a question. What is your candid am thankful to say. As far as I could
opinion of those verses Mr Wells was ascertain, the total sale amounted to
reading just now? eight copies. I have never felt the very
The Headmaster laughed. slightest inclination to repeat the
I dont think Wells treated them performance. But how this boy
quite fairly. In my opinion they were managed to see the book is more than I
distinctly promising. For a boy in the can explain. He can hardly have bought
Upper Fifth, you understand. Yes, on it. The price was half-a-guinea. And
the whole they showed distinct there is certainly no copy in the School
promise. library. The thing is a mystery.
They were mine, said Mr Lawrie. A mystery that must be solved,
Yours! I dont understand. How said the Headmaster. The fact remains
were they yours? that he did see the book, and it is very
I wrote them. Every word of them. serious. Wholesale plagiarism of this
You wrote them! But, my dear description should be kept for the
Lawrie School magazine. It should not be
I dont wonder that you are allowed to spread to poetry prizes. I
surprised. For my own part I am must see Lorimer about this tomorrow.
A DISPUTED AUTHORSHIP 145
Perhaps he can throw some light upon out of ten, the person addressed,
the matter. paralysed with nervousness, would give
When, in the course of morning himself away upon the instant, and
school next day, the School porter confess everything. Lorimer, however,
entered the Upper Fifth form-room and was saved by the fact that he had
informed Mr Sims, who was engaged in nothing to confess. He stifled an
trying to drive the beauties of Plautus inclination to reply because the
colloquial style into the Upper Fifth woodpecker would peck her, or words
brain, that the Headmaster wished to to that effect, and maintained a pallid
see Lorimer, Lorimers conscience was silence.
so abnormally good that for the life of Have you ever heard of a book
him he could not think why he had been called The Dark Horse, Lorimer?
sent for. As far as he could remember, Lorimer began to feel that the
there was no possible way in which the conversation was too deep for him.
authorities could get at him. If he had After opening in the conventional
been in the habit of smoking out of judge-then-placed-the-black-cap-on-
bounds in lonely fields and deserted his-head manner, his assailant had
barns, he might have felt uneasy. But suddenly begun to babble lightly of
whatever his failings, that was not one sporting literature. He began to
of them. It could not be anything about entertain doubts of the Headmasters
bounds, because he had been so busy sanity. It would not have added greatly
with cricket that he had had no time to to his mystification if the Head had
break them this term. He walked into gone on to insist that he was the
the presence, glowing with conscious Emperor of Peru, and worked solely by
rectitude. And no sooner was he inside electricity.
than the Headmaster, with three simple The Headmaster, for his part, was
words, took every particle of starch out also surprised. He had worked for
of his anatomy. dismay, conscious guilt, confessions,
Sit down, Lorimer, he said. and the like, instead of blank
There are many ways of inviting a amazement. He, too, began to have his
person to seat himself. The genial take doubts. Had Mr Lawrie been
a pew of ones equal inspires mistaken? It was not likely, but it was
confidence. The raucous sit down in barely possible. In which case the
front of the frenzied pit, when you interview had better be brought to an
stand up to get a better view of the abrupt stop until he had made inquiries.
stage, is not so pleasant. But worst of The situation was at a deadlock.
all is the icy sit down of the annoyed Fortunately at this point half-past
headmaster. In his mouth the words twelve struck, and the bell rang for the
take to themselves new and sinister end of morning school. The situation
meanings. They seem to accuse you of was saved, and the tension relaxed.
nameless crimes, and to warn you that You may go, Lorimer, said the
anything you may say will be used Head, I will send for you later.
against you as evidence. He swept out of the room, and
Why have I sent for you, Lorimer? Lorimer raced over to the House to
A nasty question that, and a very inform Pringle that the Headmaster had
favourite one of the Rev. Mr Beckett, run suddenly mad, and should by rights
Headmaster of Beckford. In nine cases be equipped with a strait-waistcoat.
146 A PREFECT'S UNCLE
You never saw such a man, he observation was brief, but it teemed
said, hauled me out of school in the with condensed meaning. It was the
middle of a Plautus lesson, dumps me conversational parallel to the ox in the
down in a chair, and then asks me if tea-cup.
Ive read some weird sporting novel or My aunt! he said.
other. Therell be a row about this, said
Sporting novel! My dear man! Pringle.
Well, it sounded like it from the What am I to say when he has me in
title. this afternoon? He said he would.
The title. Oh! Let the whole thing out. No good
Whats up? trying to hush it up. He may let us
Pringle had leaped to his feet as if he down easy if youre honest about it.
had suddenly discovered that he was It relieved Lorimer to hear Pringle
sitting on something red-hot. His talk about us. It meant that he was not
normal air of superior calm had to be left to bear the assault alone.
vanished. He was breathless with Which, considering that the whole
excitement. A sudden idea had struck trouble was, strictly speaking, Pringles
him with the force of a bullet. fault, was only just.
What was the title he asked you if But how am I to explain? I cant
youd read the book of? he demanded reel off a long yarn all about how you
incoherently. did it all, and so on. It would be too
The Derby Winner. low.
Pringle sat down again, relieved. I know, said Pringle, Ive got it.
Oh. Are you certain? Look here, on your way to the Old
No, of course it wasnt that. I was Mans room you pass the Remove
only ragging. The real title was The door. Well, when you pass, drop some
Dark Horse. Hullo, whats up now? money. Ill be certain to hear it, as I sit
Have you got em too? next the door. And then Ill ask to leave
Whats up? Ill tell you. Were the room, and well go up together.
done for. Absolutely pipped. Thats Good man, Pringle, youre a
whats the matter. genius. Thanks, awfully.
Hang it, man, do give us a chance. But as it happened, this crafty
Why cant you explain, instead of scheme was not found necessary. The
sitting there talking like that? Why are blow did not fall till after lock-up.
we done? What have we done, Lorimer being in the Headmasters
anyway? House, it was possible to interview him
The poem, of course, the prize without the fuss and advertisement
poem. I forgot, I never told you. I inseparable from a sending for during
hadnt time to write anything of my school. Just as he was beginning his
own, so I cribbed it straight out of a night-work, the butler came with a
book called The Dark Horse. Now do message that he was wanted in the
you see? Headmasters part of the House.
Lorimer saw. He grasped the whole It was only Mr Lorimer as the
unpainted beauty of the situation in a master wished to see, said the butler, as
flash, and for some moments it rendered Pringle rose to accompany his
him totally unfit for intellectual companion in crime.
conversation. When he did speak his Thats all right, said Pringle, the
A DISPUTED AUTHORSHIP 147
Headmasters always glad to see me. end of term, and the sentence made no
Ive got a standing invitation. Hell mention of the Wednesday half-
understand. holidays.
At first, when he saw two where he But in effect it was serious indeed.
had only sent for one, the Headmaster It meant that neither Pringle nor
did not understand at all, and said so. Lorimer would be able to play in the
He had prepared to annihilate Lorimer final House match against Leicesters,
hip and thigh, for he was now which was fixed to begin on the next
convinced that his blank astonishment Saturday at two oclock. Among the
at the mention of The Dark Horse rules governing the House matches was
during their previous interview had one to the effect that no House might
been, in the words of the bard, a mere start a match with less than eleven men,
veneer, a wile of guile. Since the nor might the Eleven be changed during
morning he had seen Mr Lawrie again, the progress of the matcha rule
and had with his own eyes compared framed by the Headmaster, not wholly
the two poems, the printed and the without an eye to emergencies like the
written, the author by special request present.
having hunted up a copy of that Thank goodness, said Pringle, that
valuable work, The Dark Horse, from there arent any more First matches.
the depths of a cupboard in his rooms. Its bad enough, though, by Jove, as it
His astonishment melted before is. I suppose its occurred to you that
Pringles explanation, which was brief this cuts us out of playing in the final?
and clear, and gave way to righteous Lorimer said the point had not
wrath. In well-chosen terms he escaped his notice.
harangued the two criminals. Finally he I wish, he observed, with simple
perorated. pathos, that Id got the Rajah of
There is only one point which tells Seltzerpore here now. Id strangle him.
in your favour. You have not attempted I wonder if the Old Man realizes that
concealment. (Pringle nudged Lorimer hes done his own House out of the
surreptitiously at this.) And I may add cup?
that I believe that, as you say, you did Wouldnt care if he did. Still, its a
not desire actually to win the prize by sickening nuisance. Leicesters are a
underhand means. But I cannot cert now.
overlook such an offence. It is serious. Absolute cert, said Lorimer;
Most serious. You will, both of you, go Baynes cant do all the bowling,
into extra lesson for the remaining especially on a hard wicket, and theres
Saturdays of the term. nobody else. As for our batting and
Extra lesson meant that instead of fielding
taking a half-holiday on Saturday like Dont, said-Pringle gloomily, its
an ordinary law-abiding individual, you too awful.
treated the day as if it were a full-school On the following Saturday,
day, and worked from two till four Leicesters ran up a total in their first
under the eye of the Headmaster. innings which put the issue out of
Taking into consideration everything, doubt, and finished off the game on the
the punishment was not an Monday by beating the School House
extraordinarily severe one, for there by six wickets.
were only two more Saturdays to the
148 A PREFECT'S UNCLE
style, he embarked upon his narrative. for anything in the happy days of my
I say, Marriott. childhood. Dont sit there looking like
Hullo. a beastly churchwarden, you ass. Buck
Do you notice a subtle change in me up, and take an intelligent interest in
this term? Does my expressive purple things.
eye gleam more brightly than of yore? No, but really, Bishop, said
It does. Exactly so. I feel awfully Marriott, you must treat this seriously.
bucked up. You know that kid Farnie Youll have to let the other chaps know
has left? about it.
I thought I missed his merry prattle. How? Put it up on the notice-
Whats happened to him? board? This is to certify that Mr Allan
Gone to a school in France Gethryn, of Leicesters House,
somewhere. Beckford, is dismissed without a stain
Jolly for France. on his character. You ass, how can I let
Awfully. But the point is that now them know? I seem to see myself doing
hes gone I can tell you about that the boy-hero style of things. My
M.C.C. match affair. I know you want friends, you wronged me, you wronged
to hear what really did happen that me very grievously. But I forgive you.
afternoon. I put up with your cruel scorn. I
Marriott pointed significantly at endured it. I steeled myself against it.
Wilson, whose back was turned. And now I forgive you profusely, every
Oh, thats all right, said Gethryn. one of you. Let us embrace. It
Wilson. wouldnt do. You must see that much.
Yes? Dont be a goat. Is that toast done yet,
You mustnt listen. Try and think Wilson?
youre a piece of furniture. See? And Wilson exhibited several pounds of
if you do happen to overhear anything, the article in question.
you neednt go gassing about it. Good, said the Bishop. Youre a
Follow? great man, Wilson. You can make a
All right, said Wilson, and Gethryn small selection of those biscuits, and if
told his tale. you bag all the sugar ones Ill slay you,
Jove, he said, as he finished, thats and then you can go quietly downstairs,
a relief. Its something to have got that and rejoin your sorrowing friends. And
off my chest. I do bar keeping a secret. dont you go telling them what Ive
But, I say, said Marriott. been saying.
Well? Rather not, said Wilson.
Well, it was beastly good of you to He made his small selection, and
do it, and that sort of thing, I suppose. I retired. The Bishop turned to Marriott
see that all right. But, my dear man, again.
what a rotten thing to do. A kid like I shall tell Reece, because he
that. A little beast who simply cried out deserves it, and I rather think I shall tell
for sacking. Gosling and Pringle. Nobody else,
Well, at any rate, its over now. though. Whats the good of it?
You neednt jump on me. I acted from Everybodyll forget the whole thing by
the best motives. Thats what my next season.
grandfather, Farnies pater, you know, How about Norris? asked Marriott.
always used to say when he got at me Now there you have touched the
150 A PREFECT'S UNCLE
when it was found pleasanter to eat he had finished. The only one worth
wafer biscuits than muffins, the Bishop recording is Reeces.
obliged once more with a recital of his Reece said it distinctly reminded him
adventures on that distant day in the of a thing which had happened to a
summer term. friend of a chap his brother had known
There were several comments when at Sandhurst.
156 THE GOLD BAT
[Dedication]
To
THAT PRINCE OF SLACKERS,
HERBERT WESTBROOK
158 THE GOLD BAT
CONTENTS
I THE FIFTEENTH PLACE
II THE GOLD BAT
III THE MAYORS STATUE
IV THE LEAGUES WARNING
V MILL RECEIVES VISITORS
VI TREVOR REMAINS FIRM
VII WITH THE COMPLIMENTS OF THE LEAGUE
VIII OHARA ON THE TRACK
IX MAINLY ABOUT FERRETS
X BEING A CHAPTER OF ACCIDENTS
XI THE HOUSE-MATCHES
XII NEWS OF THE GOLD BAT
XIII VICTIM NUMBER THREE
XIV THE WHITE FIGURE
XV A SPRAIN AND A VACANT PLACE
XVI THE RIPTON MATCH
XVII THE WATCHERS IN THE VAULT
XVIII OHARA EXCELS HIMSELF
XIX THE MAYORS VISIT
XX THE FINDING OF THE BAT
XXI THE LEAGUE REVEALED
XXII A DRESS REHEARSAL
XXIII WHAT RENFORD SAW
XXIV CONCLUSION
THE FIFTEENTH PLACE 159
certainly one of the best centres. He simply didnt attempt to tackle him.
Best theres been since Rivers- He could have brought him down like a
Jones, said Clephane. shot if hed only gone for him. Paget
Rivers-Jones was one of those was running straight along the touch-
players who mark an epoch. He had line, and hadnt any room to dodge. I
been in the team fifteen years ago, and know Trevor was jolly sick about it.
had left Wrykyn to captain Cambridge And then he let him through once
and play three years in succession for before in just the same way in the first
Wales. The school regarded the half, only Trevor got round and stopped
standard set by him as one that did not him. He was rank.
admit of comparison. However good a Missed every other pass, too, said
Wrykyn centre three-quarter might be, Otway.
the most he could hope to be considered Clephane summed up.
was the best since Rivers-Jones. He was rank, he said again.
Since Rivers-Jones, however, covered Trevor wont keep him in the team
fifteen years, and to be looked on as the long.
best centre the school could boast of I wish Paget hadnt left, said
during that time, meant something. For Otway, referring to the wing three-
Wrykyn knew how to play football. quarter who, by leaving unexpectedly at
Since it had been decided thus that the end of the Christmas term, had let
the faults in the school attack did not lie Rand-Brown into the team. His loss
with the halves, forwards, or centres, it was likely to be felt. Up till Christmas
was more or less evident that they must Wrykyn had done well, and Paget had
be attributable to the wings. And the been their scoring man. Rand-Brown
search for the weak spot was even had occupied a similar position in the
further narrowed down by the general second fifteen. He was big and speedy,
verdict that Clowes, on the left wing, and in second fifteen matches these
had played well. With a beautiful qualities make up for a great deal. If a
unanimity the six occupants of the first man scores one or two tries in nearly
fifteen room came to the conclusion that every match, people are inclined to
the man who had let the team down that overlook in him such failings as
day had been the man on the right- timidity and clumsiness. It is only
Rand-Brown, to wit, of Seymours. when he comes to be tried in football of
Ill bet he doesnt stay in the first a higher class that he is seen through.
long, said Clephane, who was now in In the second fifteen the fact that Rand-
the bath, vice Otway, retired. I Brown was afraid to tackle his man had
suppose they had to try him, as he was almost escaped notice. But the habit
the senior wing three-quarter of the would not do in first fifteen circles.
second, but hes no earthly good. All the same, said Clephane,
He only got into the second because pursuing his subject, if they dont play
hes big, was Robinsons opinion. A him, I dont see who theyre going to
man whos big and strong can always get. Hes the best of the second three-
get his second colours. quarters, as far as I can see.
Even if hes a funk, like Rand- It was this very problem that was
Brown, said Clephane. Did any of puzzling Trevor, as he walked off the
you chaps notice the way he let Paget field with Paget and Clowes, when they
through that time he scored for them? had got into their blazers after the
THE FIFTEENTH PLACE 161
match. Clowes was in the same house disagreed, it was unfortunate, but he
as TrevorDonaldsonsand Paget was not going to alter his opinions for
was staying there, too. He had been that, unless convinced at great length
head of Donaldsons up to Christmas. that they were unsound. He summed
It strikes me, said Paget, the things up, and gave you the result. You
school havent got over the holidays could take it or leave it, as you
yet. I never saw such a lot of slackers. preferred.
You ought to have taken thirty points I thought he was bad, said Clowes.
off the sort of team you had against you Bad! exclaimed Trevor, he was a
today. disgrace. One can understand a chap
Have you ever known the school having his off-days at any game, but
play well on the second day of term? one doesnt expect a man in the
asked Clowes. The forwards always Wrykyn first to funk. He mucked five
play as if the whole thing bored them to out of every six passes I gave him, too,
death. and the ball wasnt a bit slippery. Still,
It wasnt the forwards that mattered I shouldnt mind that so much if he had
so much, said Trevor. Theyll shake only gone for his man properly. It isnt
down all right after a few matches. A being out of practice that makes you
little running and passing will put them funk. And even when he did have a try
right. at you, Paget, he always went high.
Lets hope so, Paget observed, or That, said Clowes thoughtfully,
we might as well scratch to Ripton at would seem to show that he was
once. Theres a jolly sight too much of game.
the mince-pie and Christmas pudding Nobody so much as smiled. Nobody
about their play at present. There was ever did smile at Clowes essays in wit,
a pause. Then Paget brought out the perhaps because of the solemn, almost
question towards which he had been sad, tone of voice in which he delivered
moving all the time. them. He was tall and dark and thin,
What do you think of Rand- and had a pensive eye, which
Brown? he asked. encouraged the more soulful of his
It was pretty clear by the way he female relatives to entertain hopes that
spoke what he thought of that player he would some day take orders.
himself, but in discussing with a Well, said Paget, relieved at
football captain the capabilities of the finding that he did not stand alone in his
various members of his team, it is best views on Rand-Browns performance,
to avoid a too positive statement one I must say I thought he was awfully
way or the other before one has heard bad myself.
his views on the subject. And Paget I shall try somebody else next
was one of those people who like to match, said Trevor. Itll be rather
know the opinions of others before hard, though. The man one would
committing themselves. naturally put in, Bryce, left at
Clowes, on the other hand, was in Christmas, worse luck.
the habit of forming his views on his Bryce was the other wing three-
own account, and expressing them. If quarter of the second fifteen.
people agreed with them, well and Isnt there anybody in the third?
good: it afforded strong presumptive asked Paget.
evidence of their sanity. If they Barry, said Clowes briefly.
162 THE GOLD BAT
Clowes thinks Barrys good, goals and a try to a try. But the
explained Trevor. calculations of the school had been
He is good, said Clowes. I admit upset by the sudden departure of Paget
hes small, but he can tackle. at the end of term, and also of Bryce,
The question is, would he be any who had hitherto been regarded as his
good in the first? A chap might do jolly understudy. And in the first Ripton
well for the third, and still not be worth match the two goals had both been
trying for the first. scored by Paget, and both had been
I dont remember much about brilliant bits of individual play, which a
Barry, said Paget, except being lesser man could not have carried
collared by him when we played through.
Seymours last year in the final. I The conclusion, therefore, at which
certainly came away with a sort of the school reluctantly arrived, was that
impression that he could tackle. I their chances of winning the second
thought he marked me jolly well. match could not be judged by their
There you are, then, said Clowes. previous success. They would have to
A year ago Barry could tackle Paget. approach the Easter term fixture from
Theres no reason for supposing that anothera non-Pagetstandpoint. In
hes fallen off since then. Weve seen these circumstances it became a serious
that Rand-Brown cant tackle Paget. problem: who was to get the fifteenth
Ergo, Barry is better worth playing for place? Whoever played in Pagets stead
the team than Rand-Brown. Q.E.D. against Ripton would be certain, if the
All right, then, replied Trevor. match were won, to receive his colours.
There cant be any harm in trying him. Who, then, would fill the vacancy?
Well have another scratch game on Rand-Brown, of course, said the
Thursday. Will you be here then, crowd.
Paget? But the experts, as we have shown,
Oh, yes. Im stopping till were of a different opinion.
Saturday.
Good man. Then we shall be able
to see how he does against you. I wish THE GOLD BAT
you hadnt left, though, by Jove. We
should have had Ripton on toast, the Trevor did not take long to resume a
same as last term. garb of civilisation. He never wasted
Wrykyn played five schools, but six much time over anything. He was
school matches. The school that they gifted with a boundless energy, which
played twice in the season was Ripton. might possibly have made him
To win one Ripton match meant that, unpopular had he not justified it by
however many losses it might have results. The football of the school had
sustained in the other matches, the never been in such a flourishing
school had had, at any rate, a passable condition as it had attained to on his
season. To win two Ripton matches in succeeding to the captaincy. It was not
the same year was almost unheard of. only that the first fifteen was good. The
This year there had seemed every excellence of a first fifteen does not
likelihood of it. The match before always depend on the captain. But the
Christmas on the Ripton ground had games, even down to the very humblest
resulted in a win for Wrykyn by two junior game, had woken up one
THE GOLD BAT 163
tomorrow directly after school, and talking volubly. Trevor and OHara
bring my bat. Dont forget. raised their caps as the chariot swept by,
The fag promised to make a point of but the salute passed unnoticed. The
it. Head appeared to be wrapped in
thought.
Whats the Old Man doing in a
THE MAYORS STATUE carriage, I wonder, said Trevor,
looking after them. Whos that with
One of the rules that governed the him?
life of Donough OHara, the light- That, said OHara, is Sir Eustace
hearted descendant of the OHaras of Briggs.
Castle Taterfields, Co. Clare, Ireland, Whos Sir Eustace Briggs?
was Never refuse the offer of a free OHara explained, in a rich brogue,
tea. So, on receiptper the Dexters that Sir Eustace was Mayor of Wrykyn,
fag referred toof Trevors invitation, a keen politician, and a hater of the Irish
he scratched one engagement (with his nation, judging by his letters and
mathematical masternot wholly speeches.
unconnected with the working-out of They went into Trevors study.
Examples 200 to 206 in Hall and Clowes was occupying the window in
Knights Algebra), postponed another his usual manner.
(with his friend and ally Moriarty, of Hullo, OHara, he said, there is
Dexters, who wished to box with him an air of quiet satisfaction about you
in the gymnasium), and made his way at that seems to show that youve been
a leisurely pace towards Donaldsons. ragging Dexter. Have you?
He was feeling particularly pleased with Oh, that was only this morning at
himself today, for several reasons. He breakfast. The best rag was in French,
had begun the day well by scoring replied OHara, who then proceeded to
brilliantly off Mr Dexter across the explain in detail the methods he had
matutinal rasher and coffee. In morning employed to embitter the existence of
school he had been put on to translate the hapless Gallic exile with whom he
the one passage which he happened to had come in contact. It was that
have preparedthe first ten lines, in gentlemans custom to sit on a certain
fact, of the hundred which formed the desk while conducting the lesson. This
mornings lesson. And in the final hour desk chanced to be OHaras. On the
of afternoon school, which was devoted principle that a man may do what he
to French, he had discovered and likes with his own, he had entered the
exploited with great success an entirely room privily in the dinner-hour, and
new and original form of ragging. This, removed the screws from his desk, with
he felt, was the strenuous life; this was the result that for the first half-hour of
living ones life as ones life should be the lesson the class had been occupied
lived. in excavating M. Gandinois from the
He met Trevor at the gate. As they ruins. That gentlemans first act on
were going in, a carriage and pair regaining his equilibrium had been to
dashed past. Its cargo consisted of two send OHara out of the room, and
people, the headmaster, looking bored, OHara, who had foreseen this
and a small, dapper man, with a very emergency, had spent a very pleasant
red face, who looked excited, and was half-hour in the passage with some
THE MAYORS STATUE 167
mixed chocolates and a copy of Mr There was a letter from the man Briggs
Hornungs Amateur Cracksman. It was on the subject. A very sensible and
his notion of a cheerful and instructive temperate letter from Sir Eustace
French lesson. Briggs, they called it, but bedad! if that
What were you talking about when was a temperate letter, I should like to
you came in? asked Clowes. Whos know what an intemperate one is. Well,
been slanging Ireland, OHara? we read it through, and Moriarty said to
The man Briggs. me, Can we let this stay as it is? And I
What are you going to do about it? said, No. We cant. Well, said
Arent you going to take any steps? Moriarty to me, what are we to do
Is it steps? said OHara, warmly, about it? I should like to tar and feather
and havent we the man, he said. We cant do that, I
He stopped. said, but why not tar and feather his
Well? statue? I said. So we thought we
Ye know, he said, seriously, ye would. Ye know where the statue is, I
mustnt let it go any further. I shall get suppose? Its in the recreation ground
sacked if its found out. An so will just across the river.
Moriarty, too. I know the place, said Clowes.
Why? asked Trevor, looking up Go on. This is ripping. I always knew
from the tea-pot he was filling, what you were pretty mad, but this sounds as
on earth have you been doing? if it were going to beat all previous
Wouldnt it be rather a cheery records.
idea, suggested Clowes, if you began Have ye seen the baths this term,
at the beginning. continued OHara, since they shifted
Well, ye see, OHara began, it Dexters house into them? The beds are
was this way. The first I heard of it was in two long rows along each wall.
from Dexter. He was trying to score off Moriartys and mine are the last two at
me as usual, an he said, Have ye seen the end farthest from the door.
the paper this morning, OHara? I said, Just under the gallery, said
no, I had not. Then he said, Ah, he Trevor. I see.
said, ye should look at it. Theres Thats it. Well, at half-past ten
something there that yell find sharp every night Dexter sees that were
interesting. I said, Yes, sir? in me all in, locks the door, and goes off to
respectful way. Yes, said he, the sleep at the Old Mans, and we dont
Irish members have been making their see him again till breakfast. He turns
customary disturbances in the House. the gas off from outside. At half-past
Why is it, OHara, he said, that seven the next morning, SmithSmith
Irishmen are always thrusting was one of the school porters-
themselves forward and making unlocks the door and calls us, and we
disturbances for purposes of self- go over to the Hall to breakfast.
advertisement? Why, indeed, sir? Well?
said I, not knowing what else to say, Well, directly everybody was
and after that the conversation ceased. asleep last nightit wasnt till after
Go on, said Clowes. one, as there was a rag onMoriarty
After breakfast Moriarty came to and I got up, dressed, and climbed up
me with a paper, and showed me what into the gallery. Ye know the gallery
they had been saying about the Irish. windows? They open at the top, an its
168 THE GOLD BAT
rather hard to get out of them. But we rest of him, and after about half an hour,
managed it, and dropped on to the when we thought wed done about
gravel outside. enough, we got into our boat again, and
Long drop, said Clowes. came back.
Yes. I hurt myself rather. But it And what did you do till half-past
was in a good cause. I dropped first, seven?
and while I was on the ground, Moriarty We couldnt get back the way wed
came on top of me. Thats how I got come, so we slept in the boat-house.
hurt. But it wasnt much, and we cut WellImhanged, was Trevors
across the grounds, and over the fence, comment on the story.
and down to the river. It was a fine Clowes roared with laughter.
night, and not very dark, and everything OHara was a perpetual joy to him.
smelt ripping down by the river. As OHara was going, Trevor asked
Dont get poetical, said Clowes. him for his gold bat.
Stick to the point. You havent lost it, I hope? he
We got into the boat-house said.
How? asked the practical Trevor, OHara felt in his pocket, but
for the boat-house was wont to be brought his hand out at once and
locked at one in the morning. transferred it to another pocket. A look
Moriarty had a key that fitted, of anxiety came over his face, and was
explained OHara, briefly. We got in, reflected in Trevors.
and launched a boata big tubput in I could have sworn it was in that
the tar and a couple of brushestheres pocket, he said.
always tar in the boat-houseand You havent lost it? queried
rowed across. Trevor again.
Wait a bit, interrupted Trevor, He has, said Clowes, confidently.
you said tar and feathers. Where did If you want to know where that bat is,
you get the feathers? I should say youd find it somewhere
We used leaves. They do just as between the baths and the statue. At the
well, and there were heaps on the bank. foot of the statue, for choice. It seems
Well, when we landed, we tied up the to mecorrect me if I am wrongthat
boat, and bucked across to the you have been and gone and done it, me
Recreation Ground. We got over the broth av a bhoy.
railingsbeastly, spiky railingsand OHara gave up the search.
went over to the statue. Ye know where Its gone, he said. Man, Im most
the statue stands? Its right in the awfully sorry. Id sooner have lost a
middle of the place, where everybody ten-pound note.
can see it. Moriarty got up first, and I I dont see why you should lose
handed him the tar and a brush. Then I either, snapped Trevor. Why the
went up with the other brush, and we blazes cant you be more careful.
began. We did his face first. It was too OHara was too penitent for words.
dark to see really well, but I think we Clowes took it on himself to point out
made a good job of it. When we had the bright side.
put about as much tar on as we thought Theres nothing to get sick about,
would do, we took out the leaves- really, he said. If the thing doesnt
which we were carrying in our pockets turn up, though it probably will, youll
and spread them on. Then we did the simply have to tell the Old Man that its
THE MAYORS STATUE 169
lost. Hell have another made. You remarkable phenomenon. The other
wont be asked for it till just before wing three-quarter was Rand-Brown. If
Sports Day either, so you will have Rand-Brown was playing for the
plenty of time to find it. second, who was playing for the first?
The challenge cups, and also the He looked at the list.
bats, had to be given to the authorities Come on, he said hastily to
before the sports, to be formally MTodd. He wanted to get away
presented on Sports Day. somewhere where his agitated condition
Oh, I suppose itll be all right, said would not be noticed. He felt quite
Trevor, but I hope it wont be found faint at the shock of seeing his name on
anywhere near the statue. the list of the first fifteen. There it was,
OHara said he hoped so too. however, as large as life. M. Barry.
Separated from the rest by a thin red
line, but still there. In his most
THE LEAGUES optimistic moments he had never
dreamed of this. MTodd was reading
WARNING slowly through the list of the second.
He did everything slowly, except
The team to play in any match was
eating.
always put upon the notice-board at the
Come on, said Barry again.
foot of the stairs in the senior block a
MTodd had, after much
day before the date of the fixture. Both
deliberation, arrived at a profound
first and second fifteens had matches on
truth. He turned to Barry, and imparted
the Thursday of this week. The second
his discovery to him in the weighty
were playing a team brought down by
manner of one who realises the
an old Wrykinian. The first had a
importance of his words.
scratch game.
Look here, he said, your names
When Barry, accompanied by
not down here.
MTodd, who shared his study at
I know. Come on.
Seymours and rarely left him for two
But that means youre not playing
minutes on end, passed by the notice-
for the second.
board at the quarter to eleven interval, it
Of course it does. Well, if you
was to the second fifteen list that he
arent coming, Im off.
turned his attention. Now that Bryce
But, look here
had left, he thought he might have a
Barry disappeared through the door.
chance of getting into the second. His
After a moments pause, MTodd
only real rival, he considered, was
followed him. He came up with him on
Crawford, of the School House, who
the senior gravel.
was the other wing three-quarter of the
Whats up? he inquired.
third fifteen. The first name he saw on
Nothing, said Barry.
the list was Crawfords. It seemed to be
Are you sick about not playing for
written twice as large as any of the
the second?
others, and his own was nowhere to be
No.
seen. The fact that he had half expected
You are, really. Come and have a
the calamity made things no better. He
bun.
had set his heart on playing for the
In the philosophy of MTodd it was
second this term.
indeed a deep-rooted sorrow that could
Then suddenly he noticed a
170 THE GOLD BAT
not be cured by the internal application This was not in MTodds line at all.
of a new, hot bun. It had never failed in He proposed a slight alteration in the
his own case. scheme.
Bun! Barry was quite shocked at Hadnt you better get somebody
the suggestion. I cant afford to get else? he began.
myself out of condition with beastly Dont be a slack beast, said Barry.
buns. You want exercise awfully badly.
But if you arent playing And, as MTodd always did exactly
You ass. Im playing for the first. as Barry wished, he gave in, and spent
Now, do you see? from four-thirty to five that afternoon in
MTodd gaped. His mind never the prescribed manner. A suggestion on
worked very rapidly. What about his part at five sharp that it wouldnt be
Rand-Brown, then? he said. a bad idea to go and have some tea was
Rand-Browns been chucked out. not favourably received by the
Cant you understand? You are an enthusiastic three-quarter, who
idiot. Rand-Browns playing for the proposed to devote what time remained
second, and Im playing for the first. before lock-up to practising drop-
But youre kicking. It was a painful alternative that
He stopped. He had been going to faced MTodd. His allegiance to Barry
point out that Barrys tender yearshe demanded that he should consent to the
was only sixteenand smallness would scheme. On the other hand, his
make it impossible for him to play with allegiance to afternoon teaequally
success for the first fifteen. He strongcalled him back to the house,
refrained owing to a conviction that the where there was cake, and also
remark would not be wholly judicious. muffins. In the end the question was
Barry was touchy on the subject of his solved by the appearance of
size, and MTodd had suffered before Drummond, of Seymours, garbed in
now for commenting on it in a football things, and also anxious to
disparaging spirit. practise drop-kicking. So MTodd was
I tell you what well do after dismissed to his tea with opprobrious
school, said Barry, well have some epithets, and Barry and Drummond
running and passing. Itll do you a lot settled down to a little serious and
of good, and I want to practise taking scientific work.
passes at full speed. You can trot along Making allowances for the inevitable
at your ordinary pace, and Ill sprint up attack of nerves that attends a first
from behind. appearance in higher football circles
MTodd saw no objection to that. than one is accustomed to, Barry did
Trotting along at his ordinary pace- well against the scratch teamcertainly
five miles an hourwould just suit far better than Rand-Brown had done.
him. His smallness was, of course, against
Then after that, continued Barry, him, and, on the only occasion on
with a look of enthusiasm, I want to which he really got away, Paget
practise passing back to my centre. overtook him and brought him down.
Paget used to do it awfully well last But then Paget was exceptionally fast.
term, and I know Trevor expects his In the two most important branches of
wing to. So Ill buck along, and you the game, the taking of passes and
race up to take my pass. See? tackling, Barry did well. As far as
THE LEAGUES WARNING 171
pluck went he had enough for two, and Vehmgericht, you know. If they got
when the whistle blew for no-side he their knife into any one, he usually got
had not let Paget through once, and beans, and could never find out where
Trevor felt that his inclusion in the team they came from. At first, as a matter of
had been justified. There was another fact, the thing was quite a
scratch game on the Saturday. Barry philanthropical concern. There used to
played in it, and did much better. Paget be a good deal of bullying in the place
had gone away by an early train, and thenat least, in some of the houses-
the man he had to mark now was one of and, as the prefects couldnt or
the masters, who had been good in his wouldnt stop it, some fellows started
time, but was getting a trifle old for this League.
football. Barry scored twice, and on Did it work?
one occasion, by passing back to Trevor Work! By Jove, I should think it
after the manner of Paget, enabled the did. Chaps who previously couldnt get
captain to run in. And Trevor, like the through the day without making some
captain in Billy Taylor, werry much wretched kids life not worth living
approved of what hed done. Barry used to go about as nervous as cats,
began to be regarded in the school as a looking over their shoulders every other
regular member of the fifteen. The first second. There was one man in
of the fixture-card matches, versus the particular, a chap called Leigh. He was
Town, was due on the following hauled out of bed one night,
Saturday, and it was generally expected blindfolded, and ducked in a cold bath.
that he would play. MTodds devotion He was in the School House.
increased every day. He even went to Why did the League bust up?
the length of taking long runs with him. Well, partly because the fellows
And if there was one thing in the world left, but chiefly because they didnt
that MTodd loathed, it was a long run. stick to the philanthropist idea. If
On the Thursday before the match anybody did anything they didnt like,
against the Town, Clowes came they used to go for him. At last they
chuckling to Trevors study after put their foot into it badly. A chap
preparation, and asked him if he had called Robinsonin this house by the
heard the latest. wayoffended them in some way, and
Have you ever heard of the one morning he was found tied up in the
League? he said. bath, up to his neck in cold water.
Trevor pondered. Apparently hed been there about an
I dont think so, he replied. hour. He got pneumonia, and almost
How long have you been at the died, and then the authorities began to
school? get going. Robinson thought he had
Lets see. Itll be five years at the recognised the voice of one of the chaps
end of the summer term. I forget his name. The chap was had
Ah, then you wouldnt remember. up by the Old Man, and gave the show
Ive been here a couple of terms longer away entirely. About a dozen fellows
than you, and the row about the League were sacked, clean off the reel. Since
was in my first term. then the thing has been dropped.
What was the row? But what about it? What were you
Oh, only some chaps formed a sort going to say when you came in?
of secret society in the place. Kind of Why, its been revived!
172 THE GOLD BAT
cheerfully. Scratch the cake. I ate it you collect something worth having?
before the match. Isnt there anything Just then Renford came back with
else? the supplies.
Milton had a healthy appetite. Thanks, said Milton, put em
Then there used to be some down. Does the billy boil, young
biscuits. Renford?
Biscuits are off. I finished em Renford asked for explanatory notes.
yesterday. Look here, young Renford, Youre a bit of an ass at times,
what youd better do is cut across to the arent you? said Milton, kindly.
shop and get some more cake and some What I meant was, is the tea ready? If
more biscuits, and tell em to put it it is, you can scoot. If it isnt, buck up
down to me. And dont be long. with it.
A miles better idea would be to A sound of bubbling and a rush of
send him over to Donaldsons to fetch steam from the spout of the kettle
something from my study, suggested proclaimed that the billy did boil.
Trevor. It isnt nearly so far, and Ive Renford extinguished the Etna, and left
got heaps of stuff. the room, while Milton, murmuring
Ripping. Cut over to Donaldsons, vague formulae about one spoonful for
young Renford. As a matter of fact, he each person and one for the pot, got
added, confidentially, when the out of his chair with a groanfor the
emissary had vanished, Im not half Town match had been an energetic one
sure that the other dodge would have and began to prepare tea.
worked. They seem to think at the shop What I really came round about
that Ive had about enough things on began Trevor.
tick lately. I havent settled up for last Half a second. I cant find the
term yet. Ive spent all Ive got on this milk.
study. What do you think of those He went to the door, and shouted for
photographs? Renford. On that overworked youths
Trevor got up and inspected them. appearance, the following dialogue took
They filled the mantelpiece and most of place.
the wall above it. They were Wheres the milk?
exclusively theatrical photographs, and What milk?
of a variety to suit all tastes. For the My milk.
earnest student of the drama there was There isnt any. This in a tone not
Sir Henry Irving in The Bells, and Mr untinged with triumph, as if the speaker
Martin Harvey in The Only Way. For realised that here was a distinct score to
the admirers of the merely beautiful him.
there were Messrs Dan Leno and No milk?
Herbert Campbell. No.
Not bad, said Trevor. Beastly Why not?
waste of money. You never had any.
Waste of money! Milton was Well, just cut acrossno, half a
surprised and pained at the criticism. second. What are you doing
Why, you must spend your money on downstairs?
something." Having tea.
Rot, I call it, said Trevor. If you Then youve got milk.
want to collect something, why dont Only a little. This apprehensively.
TREVOR REMAINS FIRM 177
Bring it up. You can have what we Allardyce about these colours, now.
leave. Good-bye.
Disgusted retirement of Master There was running and passing on
Renford. the Monday for every one in the three
What I really came about, said teams. Trevor and Clowes met Mr
Trevor again, was business. Seymour as they were returning. Mr
Colours? inquired Milton, Seymour was the football master at
rummaging in the tin for biscuits with Wrykyn.
sugar on them. Good brand of biscuit I see youve given Barry his
you keep, Trevor. second, Trevor.
Yes. I think we might give Yes, sir.
Alexander and Parker their third. I think youre wise to play him for
All right. Any others? the first. He knows the game, which is
Barry his second, do you think? the great thing, and he will improve
Rather. He played a good game with practice, said Mr Seymour, thus
today. Hes an improvement on Rand- corroborating Miltons words of the
Brown. previous Saturday.
Glad you think so. I was Im glad Seymour thinks Barry
wondering whether it was the right good, said Trevor, as they walked on.
thing to do, chucking Rand-Brown out I shall go on playing him now.
after one trial like that. But still, if you Found out who wrote that letter
think Barrys better yet?
Streets better. Ive had heaps of Trevor laughed.
chances of watching them and Not yet, he said.
comparing them, when theyve been Probably Rand-Brown, suggested
playing for the house. It isnt only that Clowes. Hes the man who would
Rand-Brown cant tackle, and Barry gain most by Barrys not playing. I
can. Barry takes his passes much hear he had a row with Mill just before
better, and doesnt lose his head when his study was ragged.
hes pressed. Everybody in Seymours has had
Just what I thought, said Trevor. rows with Mill some time or other,
Then youd go on playing him for the said Trevor.
first? Clowes stopped at the door of the
Rather. Hell get better every junior day-room to find his fag. Trevor
game, youll see, as he gets more used went on upstairs. In the passage he met
to playing in the first three-quarter line. Ruthven.
And hes as keen as anything on getting Ruthven seemed excited.
into the team. Practises taking passes I say. Trevor, he exclaimed, have
and that sort of thing every day. you seen your study?
Well, hell get his colours if we lick Why, whats the matter with it?
Ripton. Youd better go and look.
We ought to lick them. Theyve
lost one of their forwards, Clifford, a
red-haired chap, who was good out of
touch. I dont know if you remember
him.
I suppose I ought to go and see
178 THE GOLD BAT
outrage. In view of the forth-coming life, nobody ever dreamed of doing any
election, such an act is highly work in that direction, least of all
significant, and will serve sufficiently to OHara. It was a theory of OHaras
indicate the tactics employed by our that he came to school to enjoy himself.
opponents. The search for the To have done any work during a
perpetrator (or perpetrators) of the mathematics lesson would have struck
dastardly act is being vigorously him as a positive waste of time,
prosecuted, and we learn with especially as he was in Mr Banks
satisfaction that the police have already class. Mr Banks was a master who
several clues. simply cried out to be ragged.
Clues! said Clowes, handing back Everything he did and said seemed to
the paper, that means the bat. That gas invite the members of his class to
about our opponents is all a blind to amuse themselves, and they amused
put you off your guard. You wait. themselves accordingly. One of the
Therell be more painful sensations advantages of being under him was that
before youve finished with this it was possible to predict to a nicety the
business. moment when one would be sent out of
They cant have found the bat, or the room. This was found very
why did they not say so? observed convenient.
OHara. OHaras ally, Moriarty, was
Guile, said Clowes, pure guile. If accustomed to take his mathematics
I were you, I should escape while I with Mr Morgan, whose room was
could. Try Callao. Theres no directly opposite Mr Banks. With Mr
extradition there. Morgan it was not quite so easy to date
On no petition ones expulsion from the room under
Is extradition ordinary circumstances, and in the
Allowed in Callao. normal wear and tear of the mornings
Either of you chaps coming over to work, but there was one particular
school? action which could always be relied
upon to produce the desired result.
In one corner of the room stood a
OHARA ON THE gigantic globe. The problemhow did
it get into the room?was one that had
TRACK exercised the minds of many
generations of Wrykinians. It was
Tuesday mornings at Wrykyn were
much too big to have come through the
devotedup to the quarter to eleven
door. Some thought that the block had
intervalto the study of mathematics.
been built round it, others that it had
That is to say, instead of going to their
been placed in the room in infancy, and
form-rooms, the various forms visited
had since grown. To refer the question
the out-of-the-way nooks and dens at
to Mr Morgan would, in six cases out of
the top of the buildings where the
ten, mean instant departure from the
mathematical masters were wont to
room. But to make the event certain, it
lurk, and spent a pleasant two hours
was necessary to grasp the globe firmly
there playing round games or reading
and spin it round on its axis. That
fiction under the desk. Mathematics
always proved successful. Mr Morgan
being one of the few branches of school
would dash down from his dais, address
learning which are of any use in after
182 THE GOLD BAT
Harringay, if you do not sit down mans happy home. They did it
frequently.
As your ludship pleases. This But I cant understand them doing it
sotto voce. to Trevor at all.
And Harringay resumed his seat Theyll do it to anybody they
amidst applause. OHara got up. choose till theyre caught at it.
As me frind who has just sat down If they are caught, therell be a
was about to observe row.
Sit down, OHara. The whole form We must catch em, said
will remain after the class. Moriarty. Like OHara, he revelled in
the unfortunate state the solutions the prospect of a disturbance. OHara
have managed to get thimsilves into is and he were going up to Aldershot at
sincerely regretted by this class. Sir, I the end of the term, to try and bring
think I am ixprissing the general back the light and middle-weight
consensus of opinion among my fellow- medals respectively. Moriarty had won
students whin I say that it is with heart- the light-weight in the previous year,
felt sorrow but, by reason of putting on a stone
OHara! since the competition, was now no
Yes, sir? longer eligible for that class. OHara
Leave the room instantly. had not been up before, but the Wrykyn
Yes, sir. instructor, a good judge of pugilistic
From the tower across the gravel form, was of opinion that he ought to
came the melodious sound of chimes. stand an excellent chance. As the prize-
The college clock was beginning to fighter in Rodney Stone says, When
strike ten. He had scarcely got into the you get a good Irishman, you cant
passage, and closed the door after him, better em, but theyre dreadful asty.
when a roar as of a bereaved spirit rang OHara was attending the gymnasium
through the room opposite, followed by every night, in order to learn to curb his
a string of words, the only intelligible dreadful astiness, and acquire skill in
one being the noun-substantive globe, its place.
and the next moment the door opened I wonder if Trevor would be any
and Moriarty came out. The last stroke good in a row, said Moriarty.
of ten was just booming from the clock. He cant box, said OHara, but
There was a large cupboard in the hed go on till he was killed entirely. I
passage, the top of which made a very say, Im getting rather tired of sitting
comfortable seat. They climbed on to here, arent you? Lets go to the other
this, and began to talk business. end of the passage and have some
An what was it ye wanted to tell cricket.
me? inquired Moriarty. So, having unearthed a piece of
OHara related what he had learned wood from the debris at the top of the
from Trevor that morning. cupboard, and rolled a handkerchief
An do ye know, said Moriarty, into a ball, they adjourned.
when he had finished, I half suspected, Recalling the stirring events of six
when I heard that Mills study had been years back, when the League had first
ragged, that it might be the League that been started, OHara remembered that
had done it. If ye remember, it was the members of that enterprising society
what they enjoyed doing, breaking up a had been wont to hold meetings in a
184 THE GOLD BAT
secluded spot, where it was unlikely runner had passed between it and him.
that they would be disturbed. It seemed And he had not heard his footsteps.
to him that the first thing he ought to Then he understood, and his pulse
do, if he wanted to make their nearer quickened as he felt that he was on the
acquaintance now, was to find their track. Beneath the block was a large
present rendezvous. They must have sort of cellar-basement. It was used as
one. They would never run the risk a store-room for chairs, and was never
involved in holding mass-meetings in opened except when prize-day or some
one anothers studies. On the last similar event occurred, when the chairs
occasion, it had been an old quarry were needed. It was supposed to be
away out on the downs. This had been locked at other times, but never was.
proved by the not-to-be-shaken The door was just by the spot where he
testimony of three school-house fags, was standing. As he stood there, half-a-
who had wandered out one half-holiday dozen other vague forms dashed past
with the unconcealed intention of him in a knot. One of them almost
finding the Leagues place of meeting. brushed against him. For a moment he
Unfortunately for them, they had found thought of stopping him, but decided
it. They were going down the path that not to. He could wait.
led to the quarry before-mentioned, On the following afternoon he
when they were unexpectedly seized, slipped down into the basement soon
blindfolded, and carried off. An after school. It was as black as pitch in
impromptu court-martial was heldin the cellar. He took up a position near
whispersand the three explorers the door.
forthwith received the most spirited It seemed hours before anything
touching-up they had ever happened. He was, indeed, almost
experienced. Afterwards they were giving up the thing as a bad job, when a
released, and returned to their house ray of light cut through the blackness in
with their zeal for detection quite front of him, and somebody slipped
quenched. The episode had created a through the door. The next moment, a
good deal of excitement in the school at second form appeared dimly, and then
the time. the light was shut off again.
On three successive afternoons, OHara could hear them groping
OHara and Moriarty scoured the their way past him. He waited no
downs, and on each occasion they drew longer. It is difficult to tell where
blank. On the fourth day, just before sound comes from in the dark. He
lock-up, OHara, who had been to tea plunged forward at a venture. His hand,
with Gregson, of Days, was going over swinging round in a semicircle, met
to the gymnasium to keep a pugilistic something which felt like a shoulder.
appointment with Moriarty, when He slipped his grasp down to the arm,
somebody ran swiftly past him in the and clutched it with all the force at his
direction of the boarding-houses. It was disposal.
almost dark, for the days were still
short, and he did not recognise the
runner. But it puzzled him a little to MAINLY ABOUT
think where he had sprung from.
OHara was walking quite close to the FERRETS
wall of the College buildings, and the
Ow! exclaimed the captive, with
MAINLY ABOUT FERRETS 185
while we were feeding the ferrets. We I saw some fellows cutting out of
waited till theyd got well in, then we here last night. And you say yeve seen
nipped out quietly. They didnt see us. them here, too. I dont see what object
Did you see who they were? they could have down here if they
No. It was too dark. Here they werent the League holding a meeting.
are. Rummy old crib this, isnt it? I dont see what else a chap would be
Look out for your shins on the chairs. after.
Switch on the light, Harvey. There, He might be keeping ferrets,
arent they rippers? Quite tame, too. hazarded Renford.
They know us quite well. They know The whole school doesnt keep
theyre going to be fed, too. Hullo, Sir ferrets, said OHara. Youre unique
Nigel! This is Sir Nigel. Out of the in that way. No, it must be the League,
White Company, you know. Dont let an I mean to wait here till they come.
him nip your fingers. This other ones Not all night? asked Harvey. He
Sherlock Holmes. had a great respect for OHara, whose
Cats-s-ss!! said OHara. He had reputation in the school for out-of-the-
a sort of idea that that was the right way doings was considerable. In the
thing to say to any animal that could bright lexicon of OHara he believed
chase and bite. there to be no such word as
Renford was delighted to be able to impossible.
show his ferrets off to so distinguished No, said OHara, but till lock-up.
a visitor. You two had better cut now.
What were you down here about? Yes, I think wed better, said
inquired Harvey, when the little animals Harvey.
had had their meal, and had retired once And dont ye breathe a word about
more into private life. this to a soula warning which
OHara had expected this question, extracted fervent promises of silence
but he did not quite know what answer from both youths.
to give. Perhaps, on the whole, he This, said Harvey, as they
thought, it would be best to tell them emerged on to the gravel, is something
the real reason. If he refused to explain, like. Im jolly glad were in it.
their curiosity would be roused, which Rather. Do you think OHara will
would be fatal. And to give any reason catch them?
except the true one called for a display He must if he waits down there
of impromptu invention of which he long enough. Theyre certain to come
was not capable. Besides, they would again. Dont you wish youd been here
not be likely to give away his secret when the League was on before?
while he held this one of theirs I should think I did. Race you over
connected with the ferrets. He to the shop. I want to get something
explained the situation briefly, and before it shuts.
swore them to silence on the subject. Right ho! And they disappeared.
Renfords comment was brief. OHara waited where he was till six
By Jove! he observed. struck from the clock-tower, followed
Harvey went more deeply into the by the sound of the bell as it rang for
question. lock-up. Then he picked his way
What makes you think they meet carefully through the groves of chairs,
down here? he asked. barking his shins now and then on their
MAINLY ABOUT FERRETS 187
out-turned legs, and, pushing open the the spring, would be performing their
door, went out into the open air. It felt usual marvels. It was worth dropping
very fresh and pleasant after the brand into the gymnasium of an evening. In
of atmosphere supplied in the vault. He no other place in the school were so
then ran over to the gymnasium to meet many sights to be seen.
Moriarty, feeling a little disgusted at the When you were surfeited with
lack of success that had attended his sightseeing, you went off to your
detective efforts up to the present. So house. And this was where the peculiar
far he had nothing to show for his beauty of the gymnasium system came
trouble except a good deal of dust on in. You went up to any master who
his clothes, and a dirty collar, but he happened to be therethere was always
was full of determination. He could one at leastand observed in suave
play a waiting game. accents, Please, sir, can I have a
It was a pity, as it happened, that paper? Whereupon, he, taking a scrap
OHara left the vault when he did. Five of paper, would write upon it, J. O.
minutes after he had gone, six shadowy Jones (or A. B. Smith or C. D.
forms made their way silently and in Robinson) left gymnasium at such-and-
single file through the doorway of the such a time. And, by presenting this to
vault, which they closed carefully the menial who opened the door to you
behind them. The fact that it was after at your house, you went in rejoicing,
lock-up was of small consequence. A and all was peace.
good deal of latitude in that way was Now, there was no mention on the
allowed at Wrykyn. It was the custom paper of the hour at which you came to
to go out, after the bell had sounded, to the gymnasiumonly of the hour at
visit the gymnasium. In the winter and which you left. Consequently, certain
Easter terms, the gymnasium became a lawless spirits would range the
sort of social club. People went there neighbourhood after lock-up, and, by
with a very small intention of doing putting in a quarter of an hour at the
gymnastics. They went to lounge gymnasium before returning to their
about, talking to cronies, in front of the houses, escape comment. To this class
two huge stoves which warmed the belonged the shadowy forms previously
place. Occasionally, as a concession to mentioned.
the look of the thing, they would do an OHara had forgotten this custom,
easy exercise or two on the horse or with the result that he was not at the
parallels, but, for the most part, they vault when they arrived. Moriarty, to
preferred the rle of spectator. There whom he confided between the rounds
was plenty to see. In one corner the substance of his evenings
OHara and Moriarty would be sparring discoveries, reminded him of it. Its
their nightly six rounds (in two batches no good watching before lock-up, he
of three rounds each). In another, said. After six is the time theyll
Drummond, who was going up to come, if they come at all.
Aldershot as a feather-weight, would be Bedad, yere right, said OHara.
putting in a little practice with the One of these nights well take a night
instructor. On the apparatus, the off from boxing, and go and watch.
members of the gymnastic six, Right, said Moriarty. Are ye
including the two experts who were to ready to go on?
carry the school colours to Aldershot in Yes. Im going to practise that left
188 THE GOLD BAT
swing at the body this round. The one could rely on with any certainty was
Fitzsimmons does. And they put em that it would be something which would
up once more. have been better left undone.
It was just five oclock when Barry
and MTodd started to get things ready.
BEING A CHAPTER OF They were not high enough up in the
school to have fags, so that they had to
ACCIDENTS do this for themselves.
Barry was still in football clothes.
On the evening following OHaras
He had been out running and passing
adventure in the vaults, Barry and
with the first fifteen. MTodd, whose
MTodd were in their study, getting out
idea of exercise was winding up a
the tea-things. Most Wrykinians
watch, had been spending his time since
brewed in the winter and Easter terms,
school ceased in the study with a book.
when the days were short and lock-up
He was in his ordinary clothes. It was
early. In the summer term there were
therefore fortunate that, when he upset
other things to donets, which lasted
the kettle (he nearly always did at some
till a quarter to seven (when lock-up
period of the evenings business), the
was), and the bathsand brewing
contents spread themselves over Barry,
practically ceased. But just now it was
and not over himself. Football clothes
at its height, and every evening, at a
will stand any amount of water,
quarter past five, there might be heard
whereas MTodds Youths winter
in the houses the sizzling of the
suiting at forty-two shillings and
succulent sausage and other rare
sixpence might have been injured.
delicacies. As a rule, one or two studies
Barry, however, did not look upon the
would club together to brew, instead of
episode in this philosophical light. He
preparing solitary banquets. This was
spoke to him eloquently for a while, and
found both more convivial and more
then sent him downstairs to fetch more
economical. At Seymours, studies
water. While he was away, Drummond
numbers five, six, and seven had always
and De Bertini came in.
combined from time immemorial, and
Hullo, said Drummond, tea
Barry, on obtaining study six, had
ready?
carried on the tradition. In study five
Not much, replied Barry, bitterly,
were Drummond and his friend De
not likely to be, either, at this rate.
Bertini. In study seven, which was a
Wed just got the kettle going when that
smaller room and only capable of
ass MTodd plunged against the table
holding one person with any comfort,
and upset the lot over my bags. Lucky
one James Rupert Leather-Twigg (that
the beastly stuff wasnt boiling. Im
was his singular name, as Mr Gilbert
soaked.
has it) had taken up his abode. The
While we waitthe sausages-
name of Leather-Twigg having proved,
Yes?a good ideaMTodd, he is
at an early date in his career, too great a
downstairsbut to wait? No, no. Let
mouthful for Wrykyn, he was known to
us. Shall we? Is it not so? Yes?
his friends and acquaintances by the
observed Bertie, lucidly.
euphonious title of Shoeblossom. The
Now construe, said Barry, looking
charm about the genial Shoeblossom
at the linguist with a bewildered
was that you could never tell what he
expression. It was a source of no little
was going to do next. All that you
BEING A CHAPTER OF ACCIDENTS 189
in the fire with a vengeance. A great by the look of his eyes, which appeared
sheet of flame rushed out and up. above, he did not seem pleased. He
Shoeblossom leaped back with a took in the situation at a glance. Fires
readiness highly creditable in one who in the house were not rarities. One
was not a professional acrobat. The facetious sportsman had once made a
covering of the mantelpiece caught fire. rule of setting the senior day-room
The flames went roaring up the chimney on fire every term. He had
chimney. since left (by request), but fires still
Drummond, cool while everything occurred.
else was so hot, without a word moved Is the chimney on fire?
to the mantelpiece to beat out the fire Yes, sir, said Drummond.
with a football shirt. Bertie was talking Go and find Herbert, and tell him to
rapidly to himself in French. Nobody take some water on to the roof and
could understand what he was saying, throw it down. Herbert was the boot
which was possibly fortunate. and knife cleaner at Seymours.
By the time Drummond had Barry went. Soon afterwards a
extinguished the mantelpiece, Barry had splash of water in the grate announced
also done good work by knocking the that the intrepid Herbert was hard at it.
fire into the grate with the poker. Another followed, and another. Then
MTodd, who had been standing up till there was a pause. Mr Seymour thought
now in the far corner of the room, he would look up to see if the fire was
gaping vaguely at things in general, out. He stooped and peered into the
now came into action. Probably it was darkness, and, even as he gazed, splash
force of habit that suggested to him that came the contents of the fourth pail,
the time had come to upset the kettle. together with some soot with which
At any rate, upset it he didmost of it they had formed a travelling
over the glowing, blazing mass in the acquaintance on the way down. Mr
grate, the rest over Barry. One of the Seymour staggered back, grimy and
largest and most detestable smells the dripping. There was dead silence in the
study had ever had to endure instantly study. Shoeblossoms face might have
assailed their nostrils. The fire in the been seen working convulsively.
study was out now, but in the chimney The silence was broken by a hollow,
it still blazed merrily. sepulchral voice with a strong Cockney
Go up on to the roof and heave accent.
water down, said Drummond, the Did yer see any water come down
strategist. You can get out from then, sir? said the voice.
Miltons dormitory window. And take Shoeblossom collapsed into a chair,
care not to chuck it down the wrong and began to sob feebly.
chimney. *****
Barry was starting for the door to disgraceful ... scandalous ... get
carry out these excellent instructions, up, Leather-Twigg ... not to be
when it flew open. trusted ... babies ... three hundred lines,
Pah! What have you boys been Leather-Twigg ... abominable ...
doing? What an abominable smell. surprised ... ought to be ashamed of
Pah! said a muffled voice. It was Mr yourselves ... double, Leather-Twigg ...
Seymour. Most of his face was not fit to have studies ... atrocious ...
concealed in a large handkerchief, but Such were the main heads of Mr
BEING A CHAPTER OF ACCIDENTS 191
early. If we can beat Seymours, well Quick in the open, too, which is always
lift the cup, he said to Clowes. good business. I wish theyd beat
Well have to do all we know, was Seymours.
Clowes reply. Oh, we ought to be all right,
They were watching Seymours pile whichever wins.
up an immense score against a scratch Applebys did not offer any very
team got up by one of the masters. The serious resistance to the Donaldson
first round of the competition was over. attack. They were outplayed at every
Donaldsons had beaten Templars, point of the game, and, before half-
Seymours the School House. time, Donaldsons had scored their
Templars were rather stronger than the thirty points. It was a rule in all in-
School House, and Donaldsons had school matchesand a good rule, too
beaten them by a rather larger score that, when one side led by thirty
than that which Seymours had run up points, the match stopped. This
in their match. But neither Trevor nor prevented those massacres which do so
Clowes was inclined to draw any much towards crushing all the football
augury from this. Seymours had taken out of the members of the beaten team;
things easily after half-time; and it kept the winning team from
Donaldsons had kept going hard all getting slack, by urging them on to
through. score their thirty points before half-
That makes Rand-Browns fourth time. There were some houses-
try, said Clowes, as the wing three- notoriously slackwhich would go for
quarter of the second fifteen raced a couple of seasons without ever
round and scored in the corner. playing the second half of a match.
Yes. This is the sort of game hes Having polished off the men of
all right in. The man whos marking Appleby, the Donaldson team trooped
him is no good. Barrys scored twice, off to the other game to see how
and both good tries, too. Seymours were getting on with Days.
Oh, theres no doubt which is the It was evidently an exciting match. The
best man, said Clowes. I only first half had been played to the
mentioned that it was Rand-Browns accompaniment of much shouting from
fourth as an item of interest. the ropes. Though coming so early in
The game continued. Barry scored a the competition, it was really the semi-
third try. final, for whichever team won would be
Were drawn against Applebys almost certain to get into the final. The
next round, said Trevor. We can school had turned up in large numbers
manage them all right. to watch.
When is it? Seymours looking tired of life,
Next Thursday. Nomads match on said Clowes. That would seem as if
Saturday. Then Ripton, Saturday his fellows werent doing well.
week. Whats been happening here?
Whove Seymours drawn? asked Trevor of an enthusiast in a
Days. Itll be a good game, too. Seymours house cap whose face was
Seymours ought to win, but theyll crimson with yelling.
have to play their best. Days have got One goal all, replied the enthusiast
some good men. huskily. Did you beat Applebys?
Fine scrum, said Clowes. Yes. Yes. Thirty points before half-
THE HOUSE-MATCHES 193
the-ring club was about his form. It his study, and wished earnestly that Mr
was rather cheap, but I felt so frightfully Seymour would withdraw the order of
sick about it. Its sickening to be let banishment. It was the not being able
down like that when youve been to read that he objected to chiefly. In
pressing the whole time, and ought to place of brewing, the ex-proprietors of
be scoring every other minute. studies five, six, and seven now made a
What had he to say on the subject? practice of going to the school shop. It
asked Clowes. was more expensive and not nearly so
Oh, he gassed a bit until I told him comfortablethere is a romance about
Id kick him if he said another word. a study brew which you can never get
That shut him up. anywhere elsebut it served, and it
You ought to have kicked him. was not on this score that he grumbled
You want all the kicking practice you most. What he hated was having to live
can get. I never saw anything feebler in a bear-garden. For Shoeblossom was
than that shot of yours after a man of moods. Give him two or three
Drummonds try. congenial spirits to back him up, and he
Id like to see you take a kick like would lead the revels with the abandon
that. It was nearly on the touch-line. of a Mr Bultitude (after his return to his
Still, when we play you, we shant need original form). But he liked to choose
to convert any of our tries. Well get his accomplices, and the gay sparks of
our thirty points without that. Perhaps the senior day-room did not appeal to
youd like to scratch? him. They were not intellectual
As a matter of fact, said Clowes enough. In his lucid intervals, he was
confidentially, I am going to score accustomed to be almost abnormally
seven tries against you off my own bat. solemn and respectable. When not
Youll be sorry you ever turned out promoting some unholy rag,
when weve finished with you. Shoeblossom resembled an elderly
gentleman of studious habits. He liked
to sit in a comfortable chair and read a
NEWS OF THE GOLD book. It was the impossibility of doing
this in the senior day-room that led him
BAT to try and think of some other haven
where he might rest. Had it been
Shoeblossom sat disconsolately on
summer, he would have taken some
the table in the senior day-room. He
literature out on to the cricket-field or
was not happy in exile. Brewing in the
the downs, and put in a little steady
senior day-room was a mere vulgar
reading there, with the aid of a bag of
brawl, lacking all the refining
cherries. But with the thermometer
influences of the study. You had to
low, that was impossible.
fight for a place at the fire, and when
He felt very lonely and dismal. He
you had got it twas not always easy to
was not a man with many friends. In
keep it, and there was no privacy, and
fact, Barry and the other three were
the fellows were always bear-fighting,
almost the only members of the house
so that it was impossible to read a book
with whom he was on speaking-terms.
quietly for ten consecutive minutes
And of these four he saw very little.
without some ass heaving a cushion at
Drummond and Barry were always out
you or turning out the gas. Altogether
of doors or over at the gymnasium, and
Shoeblossom yearned for the peace of
NEWS OF THE GOLD BAT 195
as for MTodd and De Bertini, it was Then he was struck with another
not worth while talking to the one, and brilliant idea. It is a curious thing about
impossible to talk to the other. No ideas. You do not get one for over a
wonder Shoeblossom felt dull. Once month, and then there comes a rush of
Barry and Drummond had taken him them, all brilliant. Why, he thought,
over to the gymnasium with them, but should he not go and read in his study
this had bored him worse than ever. with a dark lantern? He had a dark
They had been hard at it all the time- lantern. It was one of the things he had
for, unlike a good many of the school, found lying about at home on the last
they went to the gymnasium for day of the holidays, and had brought
business, not to loungeand he had with him to school. It was his custom
had to sit about watching them. And to go about the house just before the
watching gymnastics was one of the holidays ended, snapping up
things he most loathed. Since then he unconsidered trifles, which might or
had refused to go. might not come in useful. This term he
That night matters came to a head. had brought back a curious metal vase
Just as he had settled down to read, (which looked Indian, but which had
somebody, in flinging a cushion across probably been made in Birmingham the
the room, brought down the gas year before last), two old coins (of no
apparatus with a run, and before light mortal use to anybody in the world,
was once more restored it was tea-time. including himself), and the dark
After that there was preparation, which lantern. It was reposing now in the
lasted for two hours, and by the time he cupboard in his study nearest the
had to go to bed he had not been able to window.
read a single page of the enthralling He had brought his book up with
work with which he was at present him on coming to bed, on the chance
occupied. that he might have time to read a page
He had just got into bed when he or two if he woke up early. (He had
was struck with a brilliant idea. Why always been doubtful about that man
waste the precious hours in sleep? Jasper. For one thing, he had been seen
What was that saying of somebodys, pawning the old gentlemans watch on
Five hours for a wise man, six for the afternoon of the murder, which was
somebody elsehe forgot whom- a suspicious circumstance, and then he
eight for a fool, nine for an idiot, or was not a nice character at all, and just
words to that effect? Five hours sleep the sort of man who would be likely to
would mean that he need not go to bed murder old gentlemen in woods.) He
till half past two. In the meanwhile he waited till Mr Seymour had paid his
could be finding out exactly what the nightly visithe went the round of the
hero did do when he found out (to his dormitories at about elevenand then
horror) that it was his cousin Jasper he chuckled gently. If Mill, the
who had really killed the old gentleman dormitory prefect, was awake, the
in the wood. The only question was- chuckle would make him speak, for
how was he to do his reading? Prefects Mill was of a suspicious nature, and
were allowed to work on after lights out believed that it was only his
in their dormitories by the aid of a unintermitted vigilance which prevented
candle, but to the ordinary mortal this the dormitory ragging all night.
was forbidden. Mill was awake.
196 THE GOLD BAT
villain) of the statue escapade. Trevor. Its bad for OHara, though.
If everything came out it did not Clowes remarked somewhat tritely
require any great effort of prophecy to that business was business.
predict what the result would be. Besides, he went on, youre
OHara would go. Promptly. He would assuming that the thing this letter hints
receive his marching orders within ten at will really come off. I dont think it
minutes of the discovery of what he had will. A man would have to be such an
done. He would be expelled twice over, awful blackguard to go as low as that.
so to speak, once for breaking out at The least grain of decency in him would
nightone of the most heinous stop him. I can imagine a man
offences in the school codeand once threatening to do it as a piece of bluff
for tarring the statue. Anything that by the way, the letter doesnt actually
gave the school a bad name in the town say anything of the sort, though I
was a crime in the eyes of the powers, suppose it hints at itbut I cant
and this was such a particularly flagrant imagine anybody out of a melodrama
case. Yes, there was no doubt of that. doing it.
OHara would take the first train home You can never tell, said Trevor.
without waiting to pack up. Trevor He felt that this was but an outside
knew his people well, and he could chance. The forbearance of ones
imagine their feelings when the antagonist is but a poor thing to trust to
prodigal strolled into their midstan at the best of times.
old Wrykinian malgr lui. As the Are you going to tell OHara?
philosopher said of falling off a ladder, asked Clowes.
it is not the falling that matters: it is the I dont see the good. Would you?
sudden stopping at the other end. It is No. He cant do anything, and it
not the being expelled that is so would only give him a bad time. There
peculiarly objectionable: it is the are pleasanter things, I should think,
sudden homecoming. With this gloomy than going on from day to day not
vision before him, Trevor almost knowing whether youre going to be
wavered. But the thought that the sacked or not within the next twelve
selection of the team had nothing hours. Dont tell him.
whatever to do with his personal I wont. And Barry plays against
feelings strengthened him. He was Ripton.
simply a machine, devised to select the Certainly. Hes the best man.
fifteen best men in the school to meet Im going over to Seymours now,
Ripton. In his official capacity of said Trevor, after a pause, to see
football captain he was not supposed to Milton. Weve drawn Seymours in the
have any feelings. However, he yielded next round of the house-matches. I
in so far that he went to Clowes to ask suppose you knew. I want to get it over
his opinion. before the Ripton match, for several
Clowes, having heard everything and reasons. About half the fifteen are
seen the letter, unhesitatingly voted for playing on one side or the other, and
the right course. If fifty mad Irishmen itll give them a good chance of getting
were to be expelled, Barry must play fit. Running and passing is all right, but
against Ripton. He was the best man, a good, hard games the thing for
and in he must go. putting you into form. And then I was
Thats what I thought, said thinking that, as the side that loses,
VICTIM NUMBER THREE 199
But Im sorry I cant give you the interested at last. Are you sure the
name of the fellow who told me about chap who told you wasnt pulling your
it. leg? Who was it told you?
That doesnt matter, said Milton. I promised him not to say.
Tell me the name of the fellow who Out with it, young Barry.
did it. Thatll satisfy me. I wont, said Barry.
Im afraid I cant do that, either. You arent going to tell me?
Have you any idea what you can No.
do? asked Milton, satirically. Milton gave up the point with much
I can tell you something which may cheerfulness. He liked Barry, and he
put you on the right track. realised that he had no right to try and
Thatll do for a start. Well? make him break his promise.
Well, the chap who told meIll Thats all right, he said. Thanks
call him A.; Im going to make an A.B. very much, Barry. This may be useful.
case of itwas coming out of his study Id tell you his name if I hadnt
at about one oclock in the morning promised, you know, Milton.
What the deuce was he doing that It doesnt matter, said Milton.
for? Its not important.
Because he wanted to go back to Oh, there was one thing I forgot. It
bed, said Barry. was a biggish chap the fellow saw.
About time, too. Well? How big! My size?
As he was going past your study, a Not quite so tall, I should think. He
white figure emerged said he was about Seymours size.
I should strongly advise you, young Thanks. Thats worth knowing.
Barry, said Milton, gravely, not to try Thanks very much, Barry.
and rot me in any way. Youre a jolly When his visitor had gone, Milton
good wing three-quarters, but you proceeded to unearth one of the printed
shouldnt presume on it. Id slay the lists of the house which were used for
Old Man himself if he rotted me about purposes of roll-call. He meant to find
this business. out who were in Rigbys dormitory. He
Barry was quite pained at this put a tick against the names. There
sceptical attitude in one whom he was were eighteen of them. The next thing
going out of his way to assist. was to find out which of them was
Im not rotting, he protested. about the same height as Mr Seymour.
This is all quite true. It was a somewhat vague description,
Well, go on. You were saying for the house-master stood about five
something about white figures feet nine or eight, and a good many of
emerging. the dormitory were that height, or near
Not white figures. A white figure, it. At last, after much brain-work, he
corrected Barry. It came out of your reduced the number of possibles to
study seven. These seven were Rigby
And vanished through the wall? himself, Linton, Rand-Brown, Griffith,
It went into Rigbys dorm., said Hunt, Kershaw, and Chapple. Rigby
Barry, sulkily. It was maddening to might be scratched off the list at once.
have an exclusive bit of news treated in He was one of Miltons greatest
this way. friends. Exeunt also Griffith, Hunt, and
Did it, by Jove! said Milton, Kershaw. They were mild youths, quite
THE WHITE FIGURE 203
incapable of any deed of devilry. There made in good class football that term,
remained, therefore, Chapple, Linton, ran in on the left. Milton took the kick,
and Rand-Brown. Chapple was a boy but failed, and Seymours led by three
who was invariably late for breakfast. points. For the next twenty minutes
The inference was that he was not likely nothing more was scored. Then, when
to forego his sleep for the purpose of five minutes more of play remained,
wrecking studies. Chapple might Trevor gave Clowes an easy opening,
disappear from the list. Now there were and Clowes sprinted between the posts.
only Linton and Rand-Brown to be The kick was an easy one, and what
considered. His suspicions fell on sporting reporters term the major
Rand-Brown. Linton was the last points were easily added.
person, he thought, to do such a low When there are five more minutes to
thing. He was a cheerful, rollicking play in an important house-match, and
individual, who was popular with one side has scored a goal and the other
everyone and seemed to like everyone. a try, play is apt to become spirited.
He was not an orderly member of the Both teams were doing all they knew.
house, certainly, and on several The ball came out to Barry on the right.
occasions Milton had found it necessary Barrys abilities as a three-quarter
to drop on him heavily for creating rested chiefly on the fact that he could
disturbances. But he was not the sort dodge well. This eel-like attribute
that bears malice. He took it all in the compensated for a certain lack of pace.
way of business, and came up smiling He was past the Donaldsons three-
after it was over. No, everything quarters in an instant, and running for
pointed to Rand-Brown. He and Milton the line, with only the back to pass, and
had never got on well together, and with Clowes in hot pursuit. Another
quite recently they had quarrelled wriggle took him past the back, but it
openly over the formers play in the also gave Clowes time to catch him up.
Days match. Rand-Brown must be the Clowes was a far faster runner, and he
man. But Milton was sensible enough got to him just as he reached the
to feel that so far he had no real twenty-five line. They came down
evidence whatever. He must wait. together with a crash, Clowes on top,
On the following afternoon and as they fell the whistle blew.
Seymours turned out to play No-side, said Mr. Aldridge, the
Donaldsons. master who was refereeing.
The game, like most house-matches, Clowes got up.
was played with the utmost keenness. All over, he said. Jolly good
Both teams had good three-quarters, game. Hullo, whats up?
and they attacked in turn. Seymours For Barry seemed to be in trouble.
had the best of it forward, where Milton You might give us a hand up, said
was playing a great game, but Trevor in the latter. I believe Ive twisted my
the centre was the best outside on the beastly ankle or something.
field, and pulled up rush after rush. By
half-time neither side had scored.
After half-time Seymours, playing A SPRAIN AND A
downhill, came away with a rush to the
Donaldsonites half, and Rand-Brown, VACANT PLACE
with one of the few decent runs he had
I say, said Clowes, helping him
204 THE GOLD BAT
up, Im awfully sorry. Did I do it? My dear boy, replied the doctor,
How did it happen? breezily, it is always bad when one
Barry was engaged in making twists ones ankle.
various attempts at standing on the How long will it do me out of
injured leg. The process seemed to be footer? asked Barry.
painful. How long? How long? How long?
Shall I get a stretcher or anything? Why, fortnight. Fortnight, said the
Can you walk? doctor.
If youd help me over to the house, Then I shant be able to play next
I could manage all right. What a Saturday?
beastly nuisance! It wasnt your fault a Next Saturday? Next Saturday?
bit. Only you tackled me when I was My dear boy, if you can put your foot to
just trying to swerve, and my ankle was the ground by next Saturday, you may
all twisted. take it as evidence that the age of
Drummond came up, carrying miracles is not past. Next Saturday,
Barrys blazer and sweater. indeed! Ha, ha.
Hullo, Barry, he said, whats up? It was not altogether his fault that he
You arent crocked? treated the matter with such brutal
Something gone wrong with my levity. It was a long time since he had
ankle. That my blazer? Thanks. been at school, and he could not quite
Coming over to the house? Clowes was realise what it meant to Barry not to be
just going to help me over. able to play against Ripton. As for
Clowes asked a Donaldsons junior, Barry, he felt that he had never loathed
who was lurking near at hand, to fetch and detested any one so thoroughly as
his blazer and carry it over to the house, he loathed and detested Dr Oakes at that
and then made his way with Drummond moment.
and the disabled Barry to Seymours. I dont see where the joke comes
Having arrived at the senior day-room, in, said Clowes, when he had gone. I
they deposited the injured three-quarter bar that man.
in a chair, and sent MTodd, who came Hes a beast, said Drummond. I
in at the moment, to fetch the doctor. cant understand why they let a tout like
Dr Oakes was a big man with a that be the school doctor.
breezy manner, the sort of doctor who Barry said nothing. He was too sore
hits you with the force of a sledge- for words.
hammer in the small ribs, and asks you What Dr Oakes said to his wife that
if you felt anything then. It was on this evening was: Over at the school, my
principle that he acted with regard to dear, this afternoon. This afternoon.
Barrys ankle. He seized it in both Boy with a twisted ankle. Nice young
hands and gave it a wrench. fellow. Very much put out when I told
Did that hurt? he inquired him he could not play football for a
anxiously. fortnight. But I chaffed him, and
Barry turned white, and replied that cheered him up in no time. I cheered
it did. him up in no time, my dear.
Dr Oakes nodded wisely. Im sure you did, dear, said Mrs
Ah! Hm! Just so. Myes. Ah. Oakes. Which shows how differently
Is it bad? asked Drummond, awed the same thing may strike different
by these mystic utterances. people. Barry certainly did not look as
A SPRAIN AND A VACANT PLACE 205
if he had been cheered up when Clowes I say, he said, theres one thing
left the study and went over to tell thats just occurred to me. Thisll
Trevor that he would have to find a please the League. I mean, this ankle
substitute for his right wing three- business of Barrys.
quarter against Ripton. The same idea had struck Trevor. It
Trevor had left the field without was certainly a respite. But he regretted
noticing Barrys accident, and he was it for all that. What he wanted was to
tremendously pleased at the result of the beat Ripton, and Barrys absence would
game. weaken the team. However, it was
Good man, he said, when Clowes good in its way, and cleared the
came in, you saved the match. atmosphere for the time. The League
And lost the Ripton match would hardly do anything with regard to
probably, said Clowes, gloomily. the carrying out of their threat while
What do you mean? Barry was on the sick-list.
That last time I brought down Barry Next day, having given him time to
I crocked him. Hes in his study now get over the bitterness of defeat in
with a sprained ankle. Ive just come accordance with Clowes thoughtful
from there. Oakes has seen him, and suggestion, Trevor called on Milton,
says he mustnt play for a fortnight. and asked him what his opinion was on
Great Scott! said Trevor, blankly. the subject of the inclusion of Rand-
What on earth shall we do? Brown in the first fifteen in place of
Why not move Strachan up to the Barry,
wing, and put somebody else back Hes the next best man, he added,
instead of him? Strachan is a good in defence of the proposal.
wing. I suppose so, said Milton. Hed
Trevor shook his head. better play, I suppose. Theres no one
No. Theres nobody good enough else.
to play back for the first. We mustnt Clowes thought it wouldnt be a
risk it. bad idea to shove Strachan on the wing,
Then I suppose it must be Rand- and put somebody else back.
Brown? Who is there to put?
I suppose so. Jervis?
He may do better than we think. Not good enough. No, its better to
He played quite a decent game today. be weakish on the wing than at back.
That try he got wasnt half a bad one. Besides, Rand-Brown may do all right.
Hed be all right if he didnt funk. He played well against you.
But perhaps he wouldnt funk against Yes, said Trevor. Study looks a
Ripton. In a match like that anybody bit better now, he added, as he was
would play up. Ill ask Milton and going, having looked round the room.
Allardyce about it. Still a bit bare, though.
I shouldnt go to Milton today, Milton sighed. It will never be
said Clowes. I fancy hell want a what it was.
nights rest before hes fit to talk to. He Forty-three theatrical photographs
must be a bit sick about this match. I want some replacing, of course, said
know he expected Seymours to win. Trevor. But it isnt bad, considering.
He went out, but came back almost Hows yours?
immediately. Oh, mines all right, except for the
206 THE GOLD BAT
Bit greasy, I should think. We had who was playing half with him.
some rain late last night. Balls out, cried the Ripton half
The ground was a bit greasy. So was who was taking the scrum. Break up.
the ball. When Milton kicked off up the Its out.
hill with what wind there was in his And his colleague on the left darted
favour, the outsides of both teams found across to stop Trevor, who had taken
it difficult to hold the ball. Jevons Deacons pass, and was running
caught it on his twenty-five line, and through on the right.
promptly handed it forward. The first Trevor ran splendidly. He was a
scrum was formed in the heart of the three-quarter who took a lot of stopping
enemys country. when he once got away. Jevons and the
A deep, swelling roar from either Ripton half met him almost
touch-line greeted the schools simultaneously, and each slackened his
advantage. A feature of a big match pace for the fraction of a second, to
was always the shouting. It rarely allow the other to tackle. As they
ceased throughout the whole course of hesitated, Trevor passed them. He had
the game, the monotonous but long ago learned that to go hard when
impressive sound of five hundred you have once started is the thing that
voices all shouting the same word. It pays.
was worth hearing. Sometimes the He could see that Rand-Brown was
evenness of the noise would change to racing up for the pass, and, as he
an excited crescendo as a school three- reached the back, he sent the ball to
quarter got off, or the school back him, waist-high. Then the back got to
pulled up the attack with a fine piece of him, and he came down with a thud,
defence. Sometimes the shouting with a vision, seen from the corner of
would give place to clapping when the his eye, of the ball bounding forward
school was being pressed and out of the wing three-quarters hands
somebody had found touch with a long into touch. Rand-Brown had bungled
kick. But mostly the man on the ropes the pass in the old familiar way, and
roared steadily and without cessation, lost a certain try.
and with the full force of his lungs, the The touch-judge ran up with his flag
word Wrykyn! waving in the air, but the referee had
The scrum was a long one. For two other views.
minutes the forwards heaved and Knocked on inside, he said;
strained, now one side, now the other, scrum here.
gaining a few inches. The Wrykyn Here was, Trevor saw with
pack were doing all they knew to heel, unspeakable disgust, some three yards
but their opponents superior weight from the goal-line. Rand-Brown had
was telling. Ripton had got the ball, only had to take the pass, and he must
and were keeping it. Their game was to have scored.
break through with it and rush. Then The Ripton forwards were beginning
suddenly one of their forwards kicked it to find their feet better now, and they
on, and just at that moment the carried the scrum. A truculent-looking
opposition of the Wrykyn pack gave warrior in one of those ear-guards
way, and the scrum broke up. The ball which are tied on by strings underneath
came out on the Wrykyn side, and the chin, and which add fifty per cent to
Allardyce whipped it out to Deacon, the ferocity of a forwards appearance,
THE RIPTON MATCH 209
broke away with the ball at his feet, and A few more scrums near the halfway
swept down the field with the rest of the line, and a fine attempt at a dropped
pack at his heels. Trevor arrived too goal by the Ripton back, and it was
late to pull up the rush, which had gone half-time, with the score unaltered.
straight down the right touch-line, and it During the interval there were
was not till Strachan fell on the ball on lemons. An excellent thing is your
the Wrykyn twenty-five line that the lemon at half-time. It cools the mouth,
danger ceased to threaten. quenches the thirst, stimulates the desire
Even now the school were in a bad to be at them again, and improves the
way. The enemy were pressing keenly, play.
and a real piece of combination among Possibly the Wrykyn team had been
their three-quarters would only too happier in their choice of lemons on this
probably end in a try. Fortunately for occasion, for no sooner had the game
them, Allardyce and Deacon were a been restarted than Clowes ran the
better pair of halves than the couple whole length of the field, dodged
they were marking. Also, the Ripton through the three-quarters, punted over
forwards heeled slowly, and Allardyce the backs head, and scored a really
had generally got his man safely buried brilliant try, of the sort that Paget had
in the mud before he could pass. been fond of scoring in the previous
He was just getting round for the term. The man on the touch-line
tenth time to bottle his opponent as brightened up wonderfully, and began
before, when he slipped. When the ball to try and calculate the probable score
came out he was on all fours, and the by the end of the game, on the
Ripton exponent, finding to his great assumption that, as a try had been
satisfaction that he had not been scored in the first two minutes, ten
tackled, whipped the ball out on the left, would be scored in the first twenty, and
where a wing three-quarter hovered. so on.
This was the man Rand-Brown was But the calculations were based on
supposed to be marking, and once again false premises. After Strachan had
did Barrys substitute prove of what failed to convert, and the game had
stuff his tackling powers were made. been resumed with the score at one try
After his customary moment of all, play settled down in the centre, and
hesitation, he had at the Riptonians neither side could pierce the others
neck. The Riptonian handed him off in defence. Once Jevons got off for
a manner that recalled the palmy days Ripton, but Trevor brought him down
of the old Prize Ringhanding off was safely, and once Rand-Brown let his
always slightly vigorous in the Ripton man through, as before, but Strachan
v. Wrykyn matchand dashed over the was there to meet him, and the effort
line in the extreme corner. came to nothing. For Wrykyn, no one
There was anguish on the two touch- did much except tackle. The forwards
lines. Trevor looked savage, but made were beaten by the heavier pack, and
no comment. The team lined up in seldom let the ball out. Allardyce
silence. intercepted a pass when about ten
It takes a very good kick to convert a minutes of play remained, and ran
try from the touch-line. Jevons kick through to the back. But the back, who
was a long one, but it fell short. Ripton was a capable man and in his third
led by a try to nothing. season in the team, laid him low
210 THE GOLD BAT
scientifically before he could reach the his ankle would let him, but he was not
line. feeling happy. The disappointment of
Altogether it looked as if the match being out of the first still weighed on
were going to end in a draw. The him.
Wrykyn defence, with the exception of At about eight, when things were
Rand-Brown, was too good to be beginning to grow really lively, and the
penetrated, while the Ripton forwards, noise seemed likely to crack the
by always getting the ball in the scrums, window at any moment, the door was
kept them from attacking. It was about flung open and Milton stalked in.
five minutes from the end of the game Whats all this row? he inquired.
when the Ripton right centre-three- Stop it at once.
quarter, in trying to punt across to the As a matter of fact, the row had
wing, miskicked and sent the ball stoppeddirectly he came in.
straight into the hands of Trevors Is Barry here? he asked.
colleague in the centre. Before his man Yes, said that youth.
could get round to him he had slipped Congratulate you on your first,
through, with Trevor backing him up. Barry. Weve just had a meeting and
The back, as a good back should, seeing given you your colours. Trevor told me
two men coming at him, went for the to tell you.
man with the ball. But by the time he
had brought him down, the ball was no
longer where it had originally been. THE WATCHERS IN THE
Trevor had got it, and was running in
between the posts. VAULT
This time Strachan put on the extra
For the next three seconds you could
two points without difficulty.
have heard a cannonball drop. And that
Ripton played their hardest for the
was equivalent, in the senior day-room
remaining minutes, but without result.
at Seymours, to a dead silence. Barry
The game ended with Wrykyn a goal
stood in the middle of the room leaning
aheada goal and a try to a try. For
on the stick on which he supported life,
the second time in one season the
now that his ankle had been injured, and
Ripton match had ended in a victorya
turned red and white in regular rotation,
thing it was very rarely in the habit of
as the magnificence of the news came
doing.
home to him.
*****
Then the small voice of Linton was
The senior day-room at Seymours
heard.
rejoiced considerably that night. The
Thatll be six d. Ill trouble you
air was dark with flying cushions, and
for, young Sammy, said Linton. For
darker still, occasionally, when the
he had betted an even sixpence with
usual humorist turned the gas out.
Master Samuel Menzies that Barry
Milton was out, for he had gone to the
would get his first fifteen cap this term,
dinner which followed the Ripton
and Barry had got it.
match, and the man in command of the
A great shout went up from every
house in his absence was Mill. And the
corner of the room. Barry was one of
senior day-room had no respect
the most popular members of the house,
whatever for Mill.
and every one had been sorry for him
Barry joined in the revels as well as
when his sprained ankle had apparently
THE WATCHERS IN THE VAULT 211
put him out of the running for the last a facer for them.
cap. Do you remember, asked Trevor,
Good old Barry, said Drummond, saying that you thought it must be
delightedly. Barry thanked him in a Rand-Brown who wrote those letters?
dazed way. Yes. Well?
Every one crowded in to shake his Well, Milton had an idea that it was
hand. Barry thanked then all in a dazed Rand-Brown who ragged his study.
way. What made him think that?
And then the senior day-room, in Trevor related the Shoeblossom
spite of the fact that Milton had incident.
returned, gave itself up to celebrating Clowes became quite excited.
the occasion with one of the most Then Rand-Brown must be the
deafening uproars that had ever been man, he said. Why dont you go and
heard even in that factory of noise. A tackle him? Probably hes got the bat in
babel of voices discussed the match of his study.
the afternoon, each trying to outshout Its not in his study, said Trevor,
the other. In one corner Linton was because I looked everywhere for it,
beating wildly on a biscuit-tin with part and got him to turn out his pockets, too.
of a broken chair. Shoeblossom was And yet Ill swear he knows something
busy in the opposite corner executing an about it. One thing struck me as a bit
intricate step-dance on somebody elses suspicious. I went straight into his
box. MTodd had got hold of the red- study and showed him that last letter-
hot poker, and was burning his initials about the bat, you know, and accused
in huge letters on the seat of a chair. him of writing it. Now, if he hadnt
Every one, in short, was enjoying been in the business somehow, he
himself, and it was not until an wouldnt have understood what was
advanced hour that comparative quiet meant by their saying the bat you lost.
was restored. It was a great evening for It might have been an ordinary cricket-
Barry, the best he had ever experienced. bat for all he knew. But he offered to
Clowes did not learn the news till he let me search the study. It didnt strike
saw it on the notice-board, on the me as rum till afterwards. Then it
following Monday. When he saw it he seemed fishy. What do you think?
whistled softly. Clowes thought so too, but admitted
I see youve given Barry his first, that he did not see of what use the
he said to Trevor, when they met. suspicion was going to be. Whether
Rather sensational. Rand-Brown knew anything about the
Milton and Allardyce both thought affair or not, it was quite certain that the
he deserved it. If hed been playing bat was not with him.
instead of Rand-Brown, they wouldnt OHara, meanwhile, had decided that
have scored at all probably, and we the time had come for him to resume his
should have got one more try. detective duties. Moriarty agreed with
Thats all right, said Clowes. He him, and they resolved that that night
deserves it right enough, and Im jolly they would patronise the vault instead
glad youve given it him. But things of the gymnasium, and take a holiday as
will begin to move now, dont you far as their boxing was concerned.
think? The League ought to have a There was plenty of time before the
word to say about the business. Itll be Aldershot competition.
212 THE GOLD BAT
were. It was the men of mystery and Neither of the Irishmen recognised
tobacco that Dexter was after, they the voice. Its owner was a stranger to
thought. them.
But they were wrong. What had I tell you it is not, snapped Mr
brought Dexter to the vault was the fact Dexter. You are concealing the truth
that he had seen two boys, who looked from me. OHara and Moriarty are
uncommonly like OHara and Moriarty, down theretwo boys in my own
go down the steps of the vault at a house. I saw them go down there.
quarter to six. He had been doing his They had nothing to do with us, sir.
usual after-lock-up prowl on the junior We saw nothing of them.
gravel, to intercept stragglers, and he I have no doubt, said the house-
had been a witnessfrom a distance of master, that you imagine that you are
fifty yards, in a very bad lightof the doing a very chivalrous thing by trying
descent into the vault. He had remained to hide them, but you will gain nothing
on the gravel ever since, in the hope of by it. You may go.
catching them as they came up; but as He came to the top of the steps, and
they had not come up, he had it seemed as if he intended to plunge
determined to make the first move into the darkness in search of the
himself. He had not seen the six suspects. But, probably realising the
unknowns go down, for, the evening futility of such a course, he changed his
being chilly, he had paced up and down, mind, and delivered an ultimatum from
and they had by a lucky accident chosen the top step.
a moment when his back was turned. OHara and Moriarty.
Come up immediately, he No reply.
repeated. OHara and Moriarty, I know
Here a blast of tobacco-smoke perfectly well that you are down there.
rushed at him from the darkness. The Come up immediately.
candle had been extinguished at the first Dignified silence from the vault.
alarm, and he had not realisedthough Well, I shall wait here till you do
he had suspected itthat smoking had choose to come up. You would be well
been going on. advised to do so immediately. I warn
A hurried whispering was in you you will not tire me out.
progress among the unknowns. He turned, and the door slammed
Apparently they saw that the game was behind him.
up, for they picked their way towards Whatll we do? whispered
the door. Moriarty. It was at last safe to whisper.
As each came up the steps and Wait, said OHara, Im thinking.
passed him, Mr Dexter observed Ha! OHara thought. For many minutes
and appeared to make a note of his he thought in vain. At last there came
name. The last of the six was just flooding back into his mind a memory
leaving him after this process had been of the days of his faghood. It was after
completed, when Mr Dexter called him that that he had been groping all the
back. time. He remembered now. Once in
That is not all, he said, those days there had been an
suspiciously. unexpected function in the middle of
Yes, sir, said the last of the term. There were needed for that
unknowns. function certain chairs. He could recall
214 THE GOLD BAT
even now his furious disgust when he was a bolt on top of the trap-door, as
and a select body of fellow fags had well as beneath it.
been pounced upon by their form- Supposing that had been shot! said
master, and coerced into forming a line OHara, as they fastened the door in its
from the junior block to the cloisters, place.
for the purpose of handing chairs. True, Moriarty did not care to suppose
his form-master had stood ginger-beer anything so unpleasant.
after the event, with princely liberality, Mr Dexter was still prowling about
but the labour was of the sort that on the junior gravel, when the two
gallons of ginger-beer will not make Irishmen ran round and across the
pleasant. But he ceased to regret the senior gravel to the gymnasium. Here
episode now. He had been at the they put in a few minutes gentle
extreme end of the chair-handling sparring, and then marched boldly up to
chain. He had stood in a passage in the Mr Day (who happened to have looked
junior block, just by the door that led to in five minutes after their arrival) and
the masters garden, and whichhe got their paper.
rememberedwas never locked till late What time did OHara and Moriarty
at night. And while he stood there, a arrive at the gymnasium? asked Mr
pair of handsapparently without a Dexter of Mr Day next morning.
bodyhad heaved up chair after chair OHara and Moriarty? Really, I
through a black opening in the floor. In cant remember. I know they left at
other words, a trap-door connected with about a quarter to seven.
the vault in which he now was. That profound thinker, Mr Tony
He imparted these reminiscences of Weller, was never so correct as in his
childhood to Moriarty. They set off to views respecting the value of an alibi.
search for the missing door, and, after There are few better things in an
wanderings and barkings of shins too emergency.
painful to relate, they found it.
Moriarty lit a match. The light fell on
the trap-door, and their last doubts were OHARA EXCELS
at an end. The thing opened inwards.
The bolt was on their side, not in the HIMSELF
passage above them. To shoot the bolt
It was Renfords turn next morning
took them one second, to climb into the
to get up and feed the ferrets. Harvey
passage one minute. They stood at the
had done it the day before.
side of the opening, and dusted their
Renford was not a youth who
clothes.
enjoyed early rising, but in the cause of
Bedad! said Moriarty, suddenly.
the ferrets he would have endured
What?
anything, so at six punctually he slid out
Why, how are we to shut it?
of bed, dressed quietly, so as not to
This was a problem that wanted
disturb the rest of the dormitory, and
some solving. Eventually they
ran over to the vault. To his utter
managed it, OHara leaning over and
amazement he found it locked. Such a
fishing for it, while Moriarty held his
thing had never been done before in the
legs.
whole course of his experience. He
As luck would have itand luck had
tugged at the handle, but not an inch or
stood by them well all throughthere
a fraction of an inch would the door
OHARA EXCELS HIMSELF 215
yield. The policy of the Open Door had his back into one strenuous tug. It was
ceased to find favour in the eyes of the even as Renford had said. The door
authorities. was locked beyond possibility of doubt.
A feeling of blank despair seized Renford and he went over to school
upon him. He thought of the dismay of that morning with long faces and a
the ferrets when they woke up and general air of acute depression. It was
realised that there was no chance of perhaps fortunate for their purpose that
breakfast for them. And then they they did, for had their appearance been
would gradually waste away, and some normal it might not have attracted
day somebody would go down to the OHaras attention. As it was, the
vault to fetch chairs, and would come Irishman, meeting them on the junior
upon two mouldering skeletons, and gravel, stopped and asked them what
wonder what they had once been. He was wrong. Since the adventure in the
almost wept at the vision so conjured vault, he had felt an interest in Renford
up. and Harvey.
There was nobody about. Perhaps The two told their story in alternate
he might break in somehow. But then sentences like the Strophe and
there was nothing to get to work with. Antistrophe of a Greek chorus.
He could not kick the door down. No, ("Steichomuthics, your Greek scholar
he must give it up, and the ferrets calls it, I fancy. Ha, yes! Just so.)
breakfast-hour must be postponed. So ye cant get in because theyve
Possibly Harvey might be able to think locked the door, an ye dont know
of something. what to do about it? said OHara, at
Fed em? inquired Harvey, when the conclusion of the narrative.
they met at breakfast. Renford and Harvey informed him in
No, I couldnt. chorus that that was the state of the
Why on earth not? You didnt game up to present date.
oversleep yourself? An ye want me to get them out for
Renford poured his tale into his you?
friends shocked ears. Neither had dared to hope that he
My hat! said Harvey, when he had would go so far as this. What they had
finished, what on earth are we to do? looked for had been at the most a few
Theyll starve. thoughtful words of advice. That such a
Renford nodded mournfully. master-strategist as OHara should take
Whatever made them go and lock up their cause was an unexampled piece
the door? he said. of good luck.
He seemed to think the authorities If you only would, said Harvey.
should have given him due notice of We should be most awfully
such an action. obliged, said Renford.
Youre sure they have locked it? It Very well, said OHara.
isnt only stuck or something? They thanked him profusely.
I lugged at the handle for hours. OHara replied that it would be a
But you can go and see for yourself if privilege.
you like. He should be sorry, he said, to have
Harvey went, and, waiting till the anything happen to the ferrets.
coast was clear, attached himself to the Renford and Harvey went on into
handle with a prehensile grasp, and put school feeling more cheerful. If the
216 THE GOLD BAT
placed, and had no difficulty in finding previous November. He was due at the
them. In another minute he was in the headmasters private house at six
passage again, with the trap-door bolted oclock on the present Tuesday. He
behind him. was looking forward to the ordeal not
He now asked himselfwhat should without apprehension. The essay
he do with them? He must find a safe subject this week had been One mans
place, or his labours would have been in meat is another mans poison, and
vain. Clowes, whose idea of English Essay
Behind the fives-court, he thought, was that it should be a medium for
would be the spot. Nobody ever went intempestive frivolity, had insisted on
there. It meant a run of three hundred his beginning with, While I cannot
yards there and the same distance back, conscientiously go so far as to say that
and there was more than a chance that one mans meat is another mans
he might be seen by one of the Powers. poison, yet I am certainly of opinion
In which case he might find it rather that what is highly beneficial to one
hard to explain what he was doing in man may, on the other hand, to another
the middle of the grounds with a couple man, differently constituted, be
of ferrets in his possession when the extremely deleterious, and, indeed,
hands of the clock pointed to twenty absolutely fatal.
minutes to eleven. Trevor was not at all sure how the
But the odds were against his being headmaster would take it. But Clowes
seen. He risked it. had seemed so cut up at his suggestion
When the bell rang for the quarter to that it had better be omitted, that he had
eleven interval the ferrets were in their allowed it to stand.
new home, happily discussing a piece He was putting the final polish on
of meatRenfords contribution, held this gem of English literature at half-
over from the mornings meal,and past five, when Milton came in.
OHara, looking as if he had never left Busy? said Milton.
the passage for an instant, was making Trevor said he would be through in a
his way through the departing minute.
mathematical class to apologise Milton took a chair, and waited.
handsomely to Mr Banksas was his Trevor scratched out two words and
invariable customfor his disgraceful substituted two others, made a couple of
behaviour during the mornings lesson. picturesque blots, and, laying down his
pen, announced that he had finished.
Whats up? he said.
THE MAYORS VISIT Its about the League, said Milton.
Found out anything?
School prefects at Wrykyn did Not anything much. But Ive been
weekly essays for the headmaster. making inquiries. You remember I
Those who had got their scholarships at asked you to let me look at those letters
the Varsity, or who were going up in of yours?
the following year, used to take their Trevor nodded. This had happened
essays to him after school and read on the Sunday of that week.
them to himan unpopular and nerve- Well, I wanted to look at the post-
destroying practice, akin to suicide. marks.
Trevor had got his scholarship in the By Jove, I never thought of that.
218 THE GOLD BAT
Milton continued with the business- anything beyond that, they were simply
like air of the detective who explains in futile. There was an old woman in the
the last chapter of the book how he did shop, aged about three hundred and ten,
it. I should think. I shouldnt say she had
I found, as I thought, that both ever been very intelligent, but now she
letters came from the same place. simply gibbered. I started off by laying
Trevor pulled out the letters in out a shilling on some poisonous-
question. So they do, he said, looking sweets. I gave the lot to a
Chesterton. village kid when I got out. I hope they
Do you know Chesterton? asked didnt kill him. Then, having scattered
Milton. ground-bait in that way, I lugged out the
Only by name. photographs, mentioned the letters and
Its a small hamlet about two miles the date they had been sent, and asked
from here across the downs. Theres her to weigh in and identify the sender.
only one shop in the place, which acts Did she?
as post-office and tobacconist and My dear chap, she identified them
everything else. I thought that if I went all, one after the other. The first was
there and asked about those letters, they one of Clowes. She was prepared to
might remember who it was that sent swear on oath that that was the chap
them, if I showed them a photograph. who had sent the letters. Then I shot a
By Jove, said Trevor, of course! photograph of you across the counter,
Did you? What happened? and doubts began to creep in. She said
I went there yesterday afternoon. I she was certain it was one of those two
took about half-a-dozen photographs of la-ads, but couldnt quite say which.
various chaps, including Rand-Brown. To keep her amused I fired in
But wait a bit. If Chestertons two photograph number three-
miles off, Rand-Brown couldnt have Allardyces. She identified that, too.
sent the letters. He wouldnt have the At the end of ten minutes she was pretty
time after school. He was on the sure that it was one of the sixthe
grounds both the afternoons before I got other three were Paget, Clephane, and
the letters. Rand-Brownbut she was not going to
I know, said Milton; I didnt bind herself down to any particular
think of that at the time. one. As I had come to the end of my
Well? stock of photographs, and was getting a
One of the points about the bit sick of the game, I got up to go,
Chesterton post-office is that theres no when in came another ornament of
letter-box outside. You have to go into Chesterton from a room at the back of
the shop and hand anything you want to the shop. He was quite a kid, not more
post across the counter. I thought this than a hundred and fifty at the outside,
was a tremendous score for me. I so, as a last chance, I tackled him on the
thought they would be bound to subject. He looked at the photographs
remember who handed in the letters. for about half an hour, mumbling
There cant be many at a place like something about it not being thiccy
that. un or that un, or that ere tother
Did they remember? un, until I began to feel Id had
They remembered the letters being enough of it. Then it came out that the
given in distinctly, but as for knowing real chap who had sent the letters was a
THE MAYORS VISIT 219
la-ad with light hair, not so big as me through having constantly been to see
the headmaster on business via the front
That doesnt help us much, said door, asked who was there.
Trevor. Sir Eustace Briggs, said the butler,
And a prarper little gennlemun. and disappeared in the direction of his
So all weve got to do is to look for lair beyond the green baize partition at
some young duke of polished manners the end of the hall.
and exterior, with a thatch of light hair. Trevor went into the room, which
There are three hundred and sixty- was a sort of spare study, and sat down,
seven fellows with light hair in the wondering what had brought the mayor
school, said Trevor, calmly. of Wrykyn to see the headmaster at this
Thought it was three hundred and advanced hour.
sixty-eight myself, said Milton, but I A quarter of an hour later the sound
may be wrong. Anyhow, there you of voices broke in upon his peace. The
have the results of my investigations. If headmaster was coming down the hall
you can make anything out of them, with the intention of showing his visitor
youre welcome to it. Good-bye. out. The door of Trevors room was
Half a second, said Trevor, as he ajar, and he could hear distinctly what
got up; had the fellow a cap of any was being said. He had no particular
sort? desire to play the eavesdropper, but the
No. Bareheaded. You wouldnt part was forced upon him.
expect him to give himself away by Sir Eustace seemed excited.
wearing a house-cap? It is far from being my habit, he
Trevor went over to the was saying, to make unnecessary
headmasters revolving this discovery complaints respecting the conduct of
in his mind. It was not much of a clue, the lads under your care. (Sir Eustace
but the smallest clue is better than Briggs had a distaste for the shorter and
nothing. To find out that the sender of more colloquial forms of speech. He
the League letters had fair hair would have perished sooner than have
narrowed the search down a little. It substituted complain of your boys for
cleared the more raven-locked members the majestic formula he had used. He
of the school, at any rate. Besides, by spoke as if he enjoyed choosing his
combining his information with words. He seemed to pause and think
Miltons, the search might be still before each word. Unkind people-
further narrowed down. He knew that who were jealous of his distinguished
the polite letter-writer must be either in careerused to say that he did this
Seymours or in Donaldsons. The because he was afraid of dropping an
number of fair-haired youths in the two aitch if he relaxed his vigilance.)
houses was not excessive. Indeed, at But, continued he, I am
the moment he could not recall any; reluctantly forced to the unpleasant
which rather complicated matters. conclusion that the dastardly outrage to
He arrived at the headmasters door, which both I and the Press of the town
and knocked. He was shown into a have called your attention is to be
room at the side of the hall, near the attributed to one of the lads to whom I
door. The butler informed him that the avehave (this with a jerk) referred.
headmaster was engaged at present. I will make a thorough inquiry, Sir
Trevor, who knew the butler slightly Eustace, said the bass voice of the
220 THE GOLD BAT
which had begun, appropriately enough, This meant that the culprit must be
to smoke, resumed his discourse. touched up before the house
Mr Dexter assembled in the dining-room. Such an
Of course, thought Trevor. If there event did not often occur. The last
ever was a row in the school, Dexter occasion had been in Pagets first term
was bound to be at the bottom of it. as head of Donaldsons, when two of
Mr Dexter has just been in to see the senior day-room had been
me. He reported six boys. He discovered attempting to revive the
discovered them in the vault beneath the ancient and dishonourable custom of
junior block. Two of them were boys in bullying. This time, Trevor foresaw,
your house. would set up a record in all probability.
Trevor murmured something There might be any number of devotees
wordless, to show that the story of the weed, and he meant to carry out
interested him. his instructions to the full, and make the
You knew nothing of this, of course criminals more unhappy than they had
been since the day of their first cigar.
No, sir. Trevor hated the habit of smoking at
No. Of course not. It is difficult school. He was so intensely keen on
for the head of a house to know all that the success of the house and the school
goes on in that house. at games, that anything which tended to
Was this his beastly sarcasm? damage the wind and eye filled him
Trevor asked himself. But he came to with loathing. That anybody should
the conclusion that it was not. After all, dare to smoke in a house which was
the head of a house is only human. He going to play in the final for the House
cannot be expected to keep an eye on Football Cup made him rage internally,
the private life of every member of his and he proposed to make things bad and
house. unrestful for such.
This must be stopped, Trevor. To smoke at school is to insult the
There is no saying how widespread the divine weed. When you are obliged to
practice has become or may become. smoke in odd corners, fearing every
What I want you to do is to go straight moment that you will be discovered, the
back to your house and begin a whole meaning, poetry, romance of a
complete search of the studies. pipe vanishes, and you become like
Tonight, sir? It seemed too late for those lost beings who smoke when they
such amusement. are running to catch trains. The boy
Tonight. But before you go to your who smokes at school is bound to come
house, call at Mr Seymours, and tell to a bad end. He will degenerate
Milton I should like to see him. And, gradually into a person that plays
Trevor. dominoes in the smoking-rooms of
Yes, sir? A.B.C. shops with friends who wear
You will understand that I am bowler hats and frock coats.
leaving this matter to you to be dealt Much of this philosophy Trevor
with by you. I shall not require you to expounded to Clowes in energetic
make any report to me. But if you language when he returned to
should find tobacco in any boys room, Donaldsons after calling at Seymours
you must punish him well, Trevor. to deliver the message for Milton.
Punish him well. Clowes became quite animated at the
222 THE GOLD BAT
Cant you see everything there is? But as he looked into the drawer he
Ruthven hated Clowes as much as uttered a sudden cry of excitement. He
Clowes hated him. drew something out, and tossed it over
Trevor cut into the conversation to Trevor.
again. Catch, Trevor, he said quietly.
Its like this, Ruthven, he said. Something thatll interest you.
Im awfully sorry, but the Old Mans Trevor caught it neatly in one hand,
just told me to search the studies in case and stood staring at it as if he had never
any of the fellows have got baccy. seen anything like it before. And yet he
Ruthven jumped up, pale with hadoften. For what he had caught
consternation. was a little golden bat, about an inch
You cant. I wont have you long by an eighth of an inch wide.
disturbing my study.
This is rot, said Trevor, shortly,
Ive got to. Its no good making it THE LEAGUE
more unpleasant for me than it is.
But Ive no tobacco. I swear I REVEALED
havent.
What do you think of that? said
Then why mind us searching? said
Clowes.
Clowes affably.
Trevor said nothing. He could not
Come on, Ruthven, said Trevor,
quite grasp the situation. It was not
chuck us over the keys. You might as
only that he had got the idea so firmly
well.
into his head that it was Rand-Brown
I wont.
who had sent the letters and
Dont be an ass, man.
appropriated the bat. Even supposing
We have here, observed Clowes,
he had not suspected Rand-Brown, he
in his sad, solemn way, a stout and
would never have dreamed of
serviceable poker. He stooped, as he
suspecting Ruthven. They had been
spoke, to pick it up.
friends. Not very close friends-
Leave that poker alone, cried
Trevors keenness for games and
Ruthven.
Ruthvens dislike of them prevented
Clowes straightened himself.
thatbut a good deal more than
Ill swop it for your keys, he said.
acquaintances. He was so constituted
Dont be a fool.
that he could not grasp the frame of
Very well, then. We will now
mind required for such an action as
crack our first crib.
Ruthvens. It was something absolutely
Ruthven sprang forward, but
abnormal.
Clowes, handing him off in football
Clowes was equally surprised, but
fashion with his left hand, with his right
for a different reason. It was not so
dashed the poker against the lock of the
much the enormity of Ruthvens
drawer of the table by which he stood.
proceedings that took him aback. He
The lock broke with a sharp crack.
believed him, with that cheerful
It was not built with an eye to such
intolerance which a certain type of mind
onslaught.
affects, capable of anything. What
Neat for a first shot, said Clowes,
surprised him was the fact that Ruthven
complacently. Now for the
had had the ingenuity and even the
Umustaphas and shag.
daring to conduct a campaign of this
224 THE GOLD BAT
some accuracy what chance he stood. Then time me. Ill do four rounds
After four oclock, therefore, on the of three minutes each, with a minutes
next day, having had tea in his study, he rest in between. Thats more than Ill
went across to the baths, in search of do at Aldershot, but itll get me fit.
OHara. He intended that before the Ready?
evening was over the Irishman should Time, said Trevor.
have imparted to him some of his skill He watched OHara assailing the
with the hands. He did not know that swinging ball with considerable envy.
for a man absolutely unscientific with Why, he wondered, had he not gone in
his fists there is nothing so fatal as to for boxing? Everybody ought to learn
take a boxing lesson on the eve of to box. It was bound to come in useful
battle. A little knowledge is a some time or other. Take his own case.
dangerous thing. He is apt to lose his He was very much afraidno, afraid
recklessnesswhich might have stood was not the right word, for he was not
by him wellin exchange for a little that. He was very much of opinion that
quite useless science. He is neither one Rand-Brown was going to have a most
thing nor the other, neither a natural enjoyable time when they met. And the
fighter nor a skilful boxer. final house-match was to be played next
This point OHara endeavoured to Monday. If events turned out as he
press upon him as soon as he had could not help feeling they were likely
explained why it was that he wanted to turn out, he would be too battered to
coaching on this particular afternoon. play in that match. Donaldsons would
The Irishman was in the gymnasium, probably win whether he played or not,
punching the ball, when Trevor found but it would be bitter to be laid up on
him. He generally put in a quarter of an such an occasion. On the other hand, he
hour with the punching-ball every must go through with it. He did not
evening, before Moriarty turned up for believe in letting other people take a
the customary six rounds. hand in settling his private quarrels.
Want me to teach ye a few tricks? But he wished he had learned to
he said. Whats that for? box. If only he could hit that dancing,
Ive got a mill coming on soon, jumping ball with a fifth of the skill that
explained Trevor, trying to make the OHara was displaying, his wiriness and
statement as if it were the most ordinary pluck might see him through. OHara
thing in the world for a school prefect, finished his fourth round with his
who was also captain of football, head leathern opponent, and sat down,
of a house, and in the cricket eleven, to panting.
be engaged for a fight in the near future. Pretty useful, that, commented
Mill! exclaimed OHara. You! Trevor, admiringly.
An why? Ye should see Moriarty, gasped
Never mind why, said Trevor. OHara.
Ill tell you afterwards, perhaps. Shall Now, will ye tell me why it is
I put on the gloves now? youre going to fight, and with whom
Wait, said OHara, I must do my youre going to fight?
quarter of an hour with the ball before I Very well. Its with Rand-Brown.
begin teaching other people how to Rand-Brown! exclaimed OHara.
box. Have ye a watch? But, me dearr man, hell ate you.
Yes. Trevor gave a rather annoyed laugh.
228 THE GOLD BAT
I must say Ive got a nice, cheery, Ruthvens study, and the explanations
comforting lot of friends, he said. that had followed it.
Thats just what Clowes has been Now do you wonder, he
trying to explain to me. concluded, that I feel as if a few
Clowes is quite right, said OHara, rounds with Rand-Brown would do me
seriously. Has the thing gone too far good.
for ye to back out? Without climbing OHara breathed hard.
down, of course, he added. My word! he said, Id like to see
Yes, said Trevor, theres no ye kill him.
question of my getting out of it. I But, said Trevor, as you and
daresay I could. In fact, I know I Clowes have been pointing out to me, if
could. But Im not going to. theres going to be a corpse, itll be me.
But, me dearr man, ye havent an However, I mean to try. Now perhaps
earthly chance. I assure ye ye havent. you wouldnt mind showing me a few
Ive seen Rand-Brown with the gloves tricks.
on. That was last term. Hes not put Take my advice, said OHara,
them on since Moriarty bate him in the and dont try any of that foolery.
middles, so he may be out of practice. Why, I thought you were such a
But even then hed be a bad man to believer in science, said Trevor in
tackle. Hes big an hes strong, an if surprise.
hed only had the heart in him hed So I am, if youve enough of it.
have been going up to Aldershot instead But its the worst thing ye can do to
of Moriarty. Thats what hed be learn a trick or two just before a fight, if
doing. An you cant box at all. Never you dont know anything about the
even had the gloves on. game already. A tough, rushing fighter
Never. I used to scrap when I was a is ten times as good as a man whos just
kid, though. begun to learn what he oughtnt to do.
Thats no use, said OHara, Well, what do you advise me to do,
decidedly. But you havent said what then? asked Trevor, impressed by the
it is that yeve got against Rand- unwonted earnestness with which the
Brown. What is it? Irishman delivered this pugilistic
I dont see why I shouldnt tell homily, which was a paraphrase of the
you. Youre in it as well. In fact, if it views dinned into the ears of every
hadnt been for the bat turning up, novice by the school instructor.
youd have been considerably more in it I must do something.
than I am. The best thing ye can do, said
What! cried OHara. Where did OHara, thinking for a moment, is to
you find it? Was it in the grounds? put on the gloves and have a round or
When was it you found it? two with me. Heres Moriarty at last.
Whereupon Trevor gave him a very Well get him to time us.
full and exact account of what had As much explanation as was thought
happened. He showed him the two good for him having been given to the
letters from the League, touched on newcomer, to account for Trevors
Miltons connection with the affair, newly-acquired taste for things
traced the gradual development of his pugilistic, Moriarty took the watch,
suspicions, and described with some with instructions to give them two
approach to excitement the scene in minutes for the first round.
A DRESS REHEARSAL 229
the face. At last he got one bang in the was in the fifth round that OHara
mouth which knocked him down flat. began to forge ahead. About half way
He was up again in a second, and was through he got in a ripper, right in the
starting to rush, when I looked at the wind, which almost doubled Rand-
watch, and found that Id given them Brown up, and then he started rushing
nearly half a minute too much already. again. Rand-Brown looked awfully bad
So I shouted Time, and made up my at the end of the round. Round six was
mind Id keep more of an eye on the ripping. I never saw two chaps go for
watch next round. Id got so jolly each other so. It was one long rally.
excited, watching them, that Id forgot I Thenhow it happened I couldnt see,
was supposed to be keeping time for they were so quickjust as they had
them. They had only asked for a been at it a minute and a half, there was
minute between the rounds, but as Id a crack, and the next thing I saw was
given them half a minute too long in the Rand-Brown on the ground, looking
first round, I chucked in a bit extra in beastly. He went down absolutely flat;
the rest, so that they were both pretty fit his heels and head touched the ground
by the time I started them again. at the same time.
The second round was just like the I counted ten out loud in the
first, and so was the third. OHara kept professional way like they do at the
getting the worst of it. He was knocked National Sporting Club, you know, and
down three or four times more, and then said OHara wins. I felt an awful
once, when hed rushed Rand-Brown swell. After about another half-minute,
against one of the walls, he hit out and Rand-Brown was all right again, and he
missed, and barked his knuckles jolly got up and went back to the house with
badly against the wall. That was in the Merrett, and OHara and Moriarty went
middle of the third round, and Rand- off to Dexters, and I gave the ferrets
Brown had it all his own way for the their grub, and cut back to breakfast.
rest of the roundfor about two Rand-Brown wasnt at breakfast,
minutes, that is to say. He hit OHara said Harvey.
about all over the shop. I was so jolly No. He went to bed. I wonder
keen on OHaras winning, that I had whatll happen. Think therell be a row
half a mind to call time early, so as to about it?
give him time to recover. But I thought Shouldnt think so, said Harvey.
it would be a low thing to do, so I gave They never do make rows about fights,
them their full three minutes. and neither of them is a prefect, so I
Directly they began the fourth dont see what it matters if they do
round, I noticed that things were going fight. But, I say
to change a bit. OHara had given up Whats up?
his rushing game, and was waiting for I wish, said Harvey, his voice full
his man, and when he came at him hed of acute regret, that it had been my
put in a hot counter, nearly always at turn to feed those ferrets.
the body. After a bit Rand-Brown I dont, said Renford cheerfully.
began to get cautious, and wouldnt I wouldnt have missed that mill for
rush, so the fourth round was the something. Hullo, theres the bell.
quietest there had been. In the last Wed better run.
minute they didnt hit each other at all. When Trevor called at Seymours
They simply sparred for openings. It that afternoon to see Rand-Brown, with
232 THE GOLD BAT
tarred Sir Eustace again so soon after The headmaster nearly always invited a
Moriarty and I did it? few of the house prefects to Sunday
Clowes said gravely that it only supper during the term. Sir Eustace
showed the force of good example. Briggs happened to be there. He had
Yes. They wouldnt have thought withdrawn his insinuations concerning
of it, if it hadnt been for us, chortled the part supposedly played by a member
OHara. I wonder, now, if theres of the school in the matter of the tarred
anything else we could do to that statue, and the headmaster had sealed
statue! he added, meditatively. the entente cordiale by asking him to
My good lunatic, said Clowes, supper.
dont you think youve done almost An ordinary man might have
enough for one term? considered it best to keep off the
Well, myes, replied OHara delicate subject. Not so Sir Eustace
thoughtfully, perhaps we have, I Briggs. He was on to it like glue. He
suppose. talked of little else throughout the
***** whole course of the meal.
The term wore on. Donaldsons won My suspicions, he boomed,
the final house-match by a matter of towards the conclusion of the feast,
twenty-six points. It was, as they had which have, I am rejoiced to say,
expected, one of the easiest games they proved so entirely void of foundation
had had to play in the competition. and significance, were aroused in the
Bryants, who were their opponents, first instance, as I mentioned before, by
were not strong, and had only managed the narrative of the man Samuel
to get into the final owing to their luck Wapshott.
in drawing weak opponents for the trial Nobody present showed the slightest
heats. The real final, that had decided desire to learn what the man Samuel
the ownership of the cup, had been Wapshott had had to say for himself,
Donaldsons v. Seymours. but Sir Eustace, undismayed, continued
Aldershot arrived, and the sports. as if the whole table were hanging on
Drummond and OHara covered his words.
themselves with glory, and brought The man Samuel Wapshott, he
home silver medals. But Moriarty, to said, distinctly asserted that a small
the disappointment of the school, which gold ornament, shaped like a bat, was
had counted on his pulling off the handed by him to a lad of age coeval
middles, met a strenuous gentleman with these lads here.
from St Pauls in the final, and was The headmaster interposed. He had
prematurely outed in the first minute of evidently heard more than enough of
the third round. To him, therefore, the man Samuel Wapshott.
there fell but a medal of bronze. He must have been mistaken, he
It was on the Sunday after the sports said briefly. The bat which Trevor is
that Trevors connection with the bat wearing on his watch-chain at this
ceasedas far, that is to say, as moment is the only one of its kind that I
concerned its unpleasant character (as a know of. You have never lost it,
piece of evidence that might be used to Trevor?
his disadvantage). He had gone to Trevor thought for a moment. He
supper with the headmaster, had never lost it. He replied
accompanied by Clowes and Milton. diplomatically, It has been in a drawer
CONCLUSION 235
nearly all the term, sir, he said. And Trevor agreed with him, with
A drawer, hey? remarked Sir the mental reservation that it rather
Eustace Briggs. Ah! A very sensible depended on whom the drawer
place to keep it in, my boy. You could belonged to.
have no better place, in my opinion.
236 THE HEAD OF KAY'S
CONTENTS
I MAINLY ABOUT FENN
II AN EVENING AT KAYS
III THE FINAL HOUSE-MATCH
IV HARMONY AND DISCORD
V CAMP
VI THE RAID ON THE GUARD-TENT
VII A CLUE
VIII A NIGHT ADVENTURETHE DETHRONEMENT OF FENN
IX THE SENSATIONS OF AN EXILE
X FURTHER EXPERIENCES OF AN EXILE
XI THE SENIOR DAYROOM OPENS FIRE
XII KENNEDY INTERVIEWS WALTON
XIII THE FIGHT IN THE DORMITORY
XIV FENN RECEIVES A LETTER
XV DOWN TOWN
XVI WHAT HAPPENED TO FENN
XVII FENN HUNTS FOR HIMSELF
XVIII A VAIN QUEST
XIX THE GUILE OF WREN
XX JIMMY THE PEACEMAKER
XXI IN WHICH AN EPISODE IS CLOSED
XXII KAYS CHANGES ITS NAME
XXIII THE HOUSE-MATCHES
XXIV THE SPORTS
238 THE HEAD OF KAY'S
wicket for Kays, had put a solid bat in theyd have picked Kays.
front of everything for the space of one Fenn was telling me the other day,
hour, in the course of which he made said Kennedy, that being in Kays had
ten runs and Fenn sixty. By scoring spoiled his whole time at the school.
odd numbers off the last ball of each He always wanted to come to
over, Fenn had managed to secure the Blackburns, only there wasnt room
majority of the bowling in the most that particular term. Bad luck, wasnt
masterly way. it? I dont think he found it so bad
These things will happen, said before he became head of the house.
Silver, resignedly. We Silvers, you He didnt come into contact with Kay
know, cant help making runs. Come so much. But now he finds that he cant
on, Williams, lets have that tune, and do a thing without Kay buzzing round
get it over. and interfering.
Williams obliged. It was a classic I wonder, said Jimmy Silver,
piece called The Coon Band Contest, thoughtfully, if thats why he bowls so
remarkable partly for a taking melody, fast. To work it off, you know.
partly for the vast possibilities of noise In the course of a beautiful innings
which it afforded. Williams made up of fifty-three that afternoon, the captain
for his failure to do justice to the former of Blackburns had received two of
by a keen appreciation of the latter. He Fenns speediest on the same spot just
played the piece through again, in order above the pad in rapid succession, and
to correct the mistakes he had made at he now hobbled painfully when he
his first rendering of it. Then he played moved about.
it for the third time to correct a new The conversation that evening had
batch of errors. dealt so largely with Fennthe whole
I should like to hear Fenn play school, indeed, was talking of nothing
that, said Challis. Youre awfully but his great attempt to win the cricket
good, you know, Williams, but he cup single-handedthat Kennedy,
might do it better still. going out into the road for a breather
Get him to play it as an encore at before the rest of the boarders returned
the concert, said Williams, starting for from preparation, made his way to
the fourth time. Kays to see if Fenn was imitating his
The talented Fenn was also a example, and taking the air too.
musician,not a genius at the piano, as He found him at Kays gate, and
he was at cricket, but a sufficiently they strolled towards the school
sound performer for his age, buildings together. Fenn was unusually
considering that he had not made a silent.
special study of it. He was to play at Well? said Kennedy, after a
the school concert on the following day. minute had passed without a remark.
I believe Fenn has an awful time at Well, what?
Kays, said Jimmy Silver. It must be Whats up?
a fair sort of hole, judging from the Fenn laughed what novelists are
specimens you see crawling about in fond of calling a mirthless laugh.
Kay caps. I wish Id known my people Oh, I dont know, he said; Im
were sending young Billy there. Id sick of this place.
have warned them. I only told them not Kennedy inspected his friends face
to sling him in here. I had no idea anxiously by the light of the lamp over
MAINLY ABOUT FENN 241
the school gate. There was no mistake personally, he found the discomfort of
about it. Fenn certainly did look bad. being in a tight place largely
His face always looked lean and craggy, counterbalanced by the excitement of
but tonight there was a difference. He trying to find a way out. But the
looked used up. impossibility of helping Fenn in any
Fagged? asked Kennedy. way depressed him.
No. Sick. It must be awful, he said, breaking
What about? the silence.
Everything. I wish you could come It is, said Fenn, briefly.
into Kays for a bit just to see what its But havent the house-matches
like. Then youd understand. At made any difference? Blackburns
present I dont suppose youve an idea always frightfully bucked when the
of it. Id like to write a book on Kay house does anything. You can do
Day by Day. Id have plenty to put in anything you like with him if you lift a
it. cup. I should have thought Kay would
Whats he been doing? have been all right when he saw you
Oh, nothing out of the ordinary knocking up centuries, and getting into
run. Its the fact that hes always at it the final, and all that sort of thing.
that does me. You get a houseful of- Fenn laughed.
well, you know the sort of chap the Kay! he said. My dear man, he
average Kayite is. Theyd keep me doesnt know. I dont suppose hes got
busy even if I were allowed a free the remotest idea that we are in the final
hand. But Im not. Whenever I try and at all, or, if he has, he doesnt
keep order and stop things a bit, out understand what being in the final
springs the man Kay from nowhere, and means.
takes the job out of my hands, makes a But surely hell be glad if you lick
ghastly mess of everything, and retires us tomorrow? asked Kennedy. Such
purring. Once in every three times, or indifference on the part of a house-
thereabouts, he slangs me in front of the master respecting the fortunes of his
kids for not keeping order. Im glad house seemed to him, having before
this is the end of the term. I couldnt him the bright example of Mr
stand it much longer. Hullo, here come Blackburn almost incredible.
the chaps from prep. Wed better be I dont suppose so, said Fenn.
getting back. Or, if he is, Ill bet he doesnt show it.
Hes not like Blackburn. I wish he
was. Here he comes, so perhaps wed
AN EVENING AT KAYS better talk about something else.
The vanguard of the boys returning
They turned, and began to walk from preparation had passed them, and
towards the houses. Kennedy felt they were now standing at the gate of
miserable. He never allowed himself to the house. As Fenn spoke, a little,
be put out, to any great extent, by his restless-looking man in cap and gown
own worries, which, indeed, had not came up. His clean-shaven face wore
been very numerous up to the present, an expression of extreme alertnessthe
but the misfortunes of his friends sort of look a ferret wears as he slips in
always troubled him exceedingly. at the mouth of a rabbit-hole. A doctor,
When anything happened to him called upon to sum up Mr Kay at a
242 THE HEAD OF KAY'S
glance, would probably have said that Kennedy expected a scene, but Fenn
he suffered from nerves, which would took it quite quietly.
have been a perfectly correct diagnosis, Good night, Kennedy, he said.
though none of the members of his So long, said Kennedy.
house put his manners and customs Fenn caught his eye, and smiled
down to that cause. They considered painfully. Then he turned and went into
that the methods he pursued in the the house.
management of the house were the Mr Kays zeal for reform was
outcome of a naturally malignant apparently still unsatisfied. He directed
disposition. This was, however, not the his batteries towards Kennedy.
case. There is no reason to suppose that Go to your house at once,
Mr Kay did not mean well. But there is Kennedy. You have no business out
no doubt that he was extremely fussy. here at this time.
And fussinesswith the possible This, thought Kennedy, was getting
exceptions of homicidal mania and a a bit too warm. Mr Kay might do as he
taste for arsonis quite the worst pleased with his own house, but he was
characteristic it is possible for a house- hanged if he was going to trample on
master to possess. him.
He caught sight of Fenn and Mr Blackburn is my house-master,
Kennedy at the gate, and stopped in his sir, he said with great respect.
stride. Mr Kay stared.
What are you doing here, Fenn? he My house-master, continued
asked, with an abruptness which Kennedy with gusto, slightly
brought a flush to the latters face. emphasising the first word, knows that
Why are you outside the house? I always go out just before lock-up, and
Kennedy began to understand why it he has no objection.
was that his friend felt so strongly on And, to emphasise this point, he
the subject of his house-master. If this walked towards the school buildings
was the sort of thing that happened again. For a moment it seemed as if Mr
every day, no wonder that there was Kay intended to call him back, but he
dissension in the house of Kay. He thought better of it. Mr Blackburn, in
tried to imagine Blackburn speaking in normal circumstances a pacific man,
that way to Jimmy Silver or himself, but had one touchy pointhis house. He
his imagination was unequal to the resented any interference with its
task. Between Mr Blackburn and his management, and was in the habit of
prefects there existed a perfect saying so. Mr Kay remembered one
understanding. He relied on them to see painful scene in the Masters Common
that order was kept, and they acted Room, when he had ventured to let fall
accordingly. Fenn, by the exercise of a few well-meant hints as to how a
considerable self-control, had always house should be ruled. Really, he had
been scrupulously polite to Mr Kay. thought Blackburn would have choked.
I came out to get some fresh air Better, perhaps, to leave him to look
before lock-up, sir, he replied. after his own affairs.
Well, go in. Go in at once. I So Mr Kay followed Fenn indoors,
cannot allow you to be outside the and Kennedy, having watched him
house at this hour. Go indoors vanish, made his way to Blackburns.
directly. Quietly as Fenn had taken the
AN EVENING AT KAYS 243
Kay could make himself heard. But How do you think I can keep order in
after a couple of minutes there was a the house if you do that sort of thing?
lull, and the house-masters address Mr Kay overcame his impulse to end
began to be audible. the interview abruptly in order to put in
... unendurable noise. What is the a thrust.
meaning of it? I will not have it. Do You do not keep order in the house,
you hear? It is disgraceful. Every boy Fenn, he said, acidly.
in this room will write me two hundred I do when I am not interfered with.
lines by tomorrow evening. It is You will be good enough to say
abominable, Fenn. He wheeled round sir when you speak to me, Fenn, said
towards the head of the house. Fenn, I Mr Kay, thereby scoring another point.
am surprised at you standing here and In the stress of the moment, Fenn had
allowing such a disgraceful disturbance not noticed the omission.
to go on. Really, if you cannot keep He was silenced. And before he
order betterIt is disgraceful, could recover himself, Mr Kay was in
disgraceful. his study, and there was a closed,
Mr Kay shot out of the room. Fenn forbidding door between them.
followed in his wake, and the And as he stared at it, it began
procession made its way to the house- slowly to dawn upon Fenn that he had
masters study. It had been a near not shown up to advantage in the recent
thing, but the last straw had arrived interview. In a word, he had made a
before the holidays. fool of himself.
Mr Kay wheeled round as he reached
his study door.
Well, Fenn? THE FINAL HOUSE-
Fenn said nothing.
Have you anything you wish to say, MATCH
Fenn?
Blackburns took the field at three
I thought you might have
punctually on the following afternoon,
something to say to me, sir.
to play out the last act of the final
I do not understand you, Fenn.
house-match. They were not without
I thought you might wish to
some small hope of victory, for curious
apologise for slanging me in front of the
things happen at cricket, especially in
fags.
the fourth innings of a match. And runs
It is wonderful what a difference the
are admitted to be easier saved than
last straw will make in ones demeanour
made. Yet seventy-nine seemed an
to a person.
absurdly small score to try and dismiss
Apologise! I think you forget
a team for, and in view of the fact that
whom it is you are speaking to.
that team contained a batsman like
When a master makes this well-worn
Fenn, it seemed smaller still. But
remark, the wise youth realises that the
Jimmy Silver, resolutely as he had
time has come to close the
declared victory impossible to his
conversation. All Fenns prudence,
intimate friends, was not the man to
however, had gone to the four winds.
depress his team by letting it become
If you wanted to tell me I was not
generally known that he considered
fit to be head of the house, you neednt
Blackburns chances small.
have done it before a roomful of fags.
You must work like niggers in the
THE FINAL HOUSE-MATCH 245
field, he said; dont give away a run. medium-paced. It was a little too short,
Seventy-nine isnt much to make, but if however, and Walton, letting go at it
we get Fenn out for a few, they wont with a semi-circular sweep like the
come near it. drive of a golfer, sent it soaring over
He did not add that in his opinion mid-ons head and over the boundary.
Fenn would take very good care that he Cheers from the pavilion.
did not get out for a few. It was far Kennedy bowled his second ball
more likely that he would make that with the same purposeful air, and
seventy-nine off his own bat in a dozen Walton swept at it as before. There was
overs. a click, and Jimmy Silver, who was
Youd better begin, Kennedy, he keeping wicket, took the ball
continued, from the top end. Place comfortably on a level with his chin.
your men where you want em. I Hows that?
should have an extra man in the deep, if The umpires hand went up, and
I were you. Thats where Fenn kept Walton went outreluctantly,
putting them last innings. And youll murmuring legends of how he had not
want a short leg, only for goodness sake gone within a yard of the thing.
keep them off the leg-side if you can. It was only when the next batsman
Its a safe four to Fenn every time if who emerged from the pavilion turned
you dont. Look out, you chaps. Man out to be his young brother and not
in. Fenn, that Silver began to see that
Kays first pair were coming down something was wrong. It was
the pavilion steps. conceivable that Fenn might have
Challis, going to his place at short chosen to go in first wicket down
slip, called Silvers attention to a instead of opening the batting, but not
remarkable fact. that he should go in second wicket. If
Hullo, he said, why isnt Fenn Kays were to win it was essential that
coming in first? he should begin to bat as soon as
What! By Jove, nor he is. Thats possible. Otherwise there might be no
queer. All the better for us. You might time for him to knock off the runs.
get a bit finer, Challis, in case they However good a batsman is, he can do
snick em. little if no one can stay with him.
Wayburn, who had accompanied There was no time to question the
Fenn to the wicket at the beginning of newcomer. He must control his
Kays first innings, had now for his curiosity until the fall of the next
partner one Walton, a large, unpleasant- wicket.
looking youth, said to be a bit of a Man in, he said.
bruiser, and known to be a black sheep. Billy Silver was in many ways a
He was one of those who made life at miniature edition of his brother, and he
Kays so close an imitation of an carried the resemblance into his
Inferno. His cricket was of a rustic batting. The head of Blackburns was
order. He hit hard and high. When stylish, and took no risks. His brother
allowed to do so, he hit often. But, as a had not yet developed a style, but he
rule, he left early, a prey to the slips or was very settled in his mind on the
deep fields. Today was no exception to subject of risks. There was no tempting
that rule. him with half-volleys and long-hops.
Kennedys first ball was straight and His motto was defence, not defiance.
246 THE HEAD OF KAY'S
He placed a straight bat in the path of when they got indoors. What a beastly
every ball, and seemed to consider his shame, though.
duty done if he stopped it. Beastly, agreed Jimmy Silver.
The remainder of the over was, Still, it cant be helped. The sins of
therefore, quiet. Billy played the house-master are visited on the
Kennedys fastest like a book, and left house. Im afraid it will be our painful
the more tempting ones alone. duty to wipe the floor with Kays this
Challiss first over realised a single, day. Speaking at a venture, I should say
Wayburn snicking him to leg. The first that we have got them where the hairs
ball of Kennedys second over saw him short. Yea. Even on toast, if I may be
caught at the wicket, as Walton had allowed to use the expression. Who is
been. this coming forth now? Curtis, or me
Every time a coconut, said Jimmy old eyes deceive me. And is not
Silver complacently, as he walked to Curtiss record score three, marred by
the other end. Were a powerful ten chances? Indeed yes. A fastish
combination, Kennedy. Wheres yorker should settle Curtiss young
Fenn? Does anybody know? Why hash. Try one.
doesnt he come in? Kennedy followed the recipe. A ball
Billy Silver, seated on the grass by later the middle and leg stumps were
the side of the crease, fastening the top lying in picturesque attitudes some
strap of one of his pads, gave tongue yards behind the crease, and Curtis was
with the eagerness of the well-informed beginning that sad, unending walk to
man. the pavilion, thinking, with the poet,
What, dont you know? he said. Thou wast not made to play,
Why, theres been an awful row. Fenn infernal ball!
wont be able to play till four oclock. I Blackburns non-combatants, dotted
believe he and Kay had a row last night, round the boundary, shrieked their
and he cheeked Kay, and the old mans applause. Three wickets had fallen for
given him a sort of extra. I saw him five runs, and life was worth living.
going over to the School House, and I Kays were silent and gloomy.
heard him tell Wayburn that he Billy Silver continued to occupy one
wouldnt be able to play till four. end in an immovable manner, but at the
The effect produced by this other there was no monotony. Man
communication would be most fittingly after man came in, padded and gloved,
expressed by the word sensation in and looking capable of mighty things.
brackets. It came as a complete surprise They took guard, patted the ground
to everyone. It seemed to knock the lustily, as if to make it plain that they
bottom out of the whole match. were going to stand no nonsense, settled
Without Fenn the thing would be a their caps over their eyes, and prepared
farce. Kays would have no chance. to receive the ball. When it came it
What a worm that man is, said usually took a stump or two with it
Kennedy. Do you know, I had a sort before it stopped. It was a procession
of idea Fenn wouldnt last out much such as the school grounds had not
longer. Kays been ragging him all the often seen. As the tenth man walked
term. I went round to see him last from the pavilion, four sounded from
night, and Kay behaved like a bounder the clock over the Great Hall, and five
then. I expect Fenn had it out with him minutes later the weary eyes of the
THE FINAL HOUSE-MATCH 247
considered a bat, would have to face the pavilion with Kennedy and Silver,
Kennedy. he found a stirring battle in progress.
That mistake lost Kays the match. The members of the other houses who
Impossible as he had found it to had come to look on at the match stood
defeat Fenn, Kennedy had never lost his in knots, and gazed with approval at the
head or his length. He was bowling efforts of Kays and Blackburns
fully as well as he had done at the juniors to wipe each other off the face
beginning of the innings. of the earth. The air was full of shrill
The last ball of the over beat the battle-cries, varied now and then by a
batsman all the way. He scooped smack or a thud, as some young but
blindly forward, missed it by a foot, and strenuous fist found a billet. The
the next moment the off stump lay flat. fortune of war seemed to be distributed
Blackburns had won by seven runs. equally so far, and the combatants were
just warming to their work.
Look here, said Kennedy, we
HARMONY AND ought to stop this.
Whats the good, said Fenn,
DISCORD without interest. It pleases them, and
doesnt hurt anybody else.
What might be described as a mixed
All the same, observed Jimmy
reception awaited the players as they
Silver, moving towards the nearest
left the field. The pavilion and the parts
group of combatants, free fights arent
about the pavilion rails were always
quite the thing, somehow. For,
packed on the last day of a final house-
children, you should never let your
match, and even in normal
angry passions rise; your little hands
circumstances there was apt to be a little
were never made to tear each others
sparring between the juniors of the two
eyes. Dr Watts Advice to Young
houses which had been playing for the
Pugilists. Drop it, you little beasts.
cup. In the present case, therefore, it
He separated two heated youths who
was not surprising that Kays fags took
were just beginning a fourth round. The
the defeat badly. The thought that
rest of the warriors, seeing Silver and
Fenns presence at the beginning of the
the others, called a truce, and Silver,
innings, instead of at the end, would
having read a sort of Riot Act, moved
have made all the difference between a
on. The juniors of the beaten house,
loss and a victory, maddened them.
deciding that it would be better not to
The crowd that seethed in front of the
resume hostilities, consoled themselves
pavilion was a turbulent one.
by giving three groans for Mr Kay.
For a time the operation of chairing
What happened after I left you last
Fenn up the steps occupied the active
night, Fenn? asked Kennedy.
minds of the Kayites. When he had
Oh, I had one of my usual rows
disappeared into the first eleven room,
with Kay, only rather worse than usual.
they turned their attention in other
I said one or two things he didnt like,
directions. Caustic and
and today the old man sent for me and
uncomplimentary remarks began to fly
told me to come to his room from two
to and fro between the representatives
till four. Kay had run me in for being
of Kays and Blackburns. It is not
grossly rude. Listen to those kids.
known who actually administered the
What a row theyre making!
first blow. But, when Fenn came out of
HARMONY AND DISCORD 249
Its a beastly shame, said Kennedy place, said Morrell. Shes full of it.
despondently. Mulholland was batting at the middle
At the school shop Morrell, of net, and somebody elseI forget who
Mulhollands, met them. He had been was at the one next to it on the right.
spending the afternoon with a rug and a The bowler sent down a long-hop to
novel on the hills at the back of the leg, and this Johnny had a smack at it,
school, and he wanted to know how the and sent it slap through the net, and it
final house-match had gone. got Mulholland on the side of the head.
Blackburns had beaten Mulhollands in He was stunned for a bit, but hes
one of the early rounds. Kennedy getting all right again now. But he
explained what had happened. wont be able to conduct tonight.
We should have lost if Fenn had Rather bad luck on the man, especially
turned up earlier, he said. He had a as hes so keen on the concert.
row with Kay, and Kay gave him a sort Whos going to sub for him? asked
of extra between two and four. Silver. Perhaps theyll scratch the
Fenn, busily occupied with an ice, show, suggested Kennedy.
added no comment of his own to this Oh, no, said Morrell, its all
plain tale. right. Kay is going to conduct. Hes
Rough luck, said Morrell. often done it at choir practices when
Whats all that row out in the field? Mulholland couldnt turn up.
Thats Kays kids giving three Fenn put down his empty saucer
groans for Kay, explained Silver. At with an emphatic crack on the counter.
least, they started with the idea of If Kays going to run the show, Im
giving three groans. Theyve got up to hanged if I turn up, he said.
about three hundred by this time. It My dear chap, you cant get out of
seems to have fascinated them. They it now, said Kennedy anxiously. He
wont leave off. Theres no school rule did not want to see Fenn plunging into
against groaning in the grounds, and any more strife with the authorities this
they mean to groan till the end of the term.
term. Personally, I like the sound. But Think of the crowned heads who
then, Im fond of music. are coming to hear you, pleaded
Morrells face beamed with sudden Jimmy Silver. Think of the nobility
pleasure. I knew there was something and gentry. Think of me. You must
I wanted to tell you, he said, only I play.
couldnt remember what. Your saying Ah, there you are, Fenn.
youre fond of music reminds me. Mr Kay had bustled in in his
Mulhollands crocked himself, and energetic way.
wont be able to turn out for the Fenn said nothing. He was there. It
concert. was idle to deny it.
What! cried Kennedy. How did I thought I should find you here.
it happen? Whats he done? Yes, I wanted to see you about the
Mr Mulholland was the master who concert tonight. Mr Mulholland has
looked after the music of the school, a met with an unfortunate accident, and I
fine cricketer and keen sportsman. Had am looking after the entertainment in
nothing gone wrong, he would have his place. Come with me and play over
conducted at the concert that night. your piece. I should like to see that you
I heard it from the matron at our are perfect in it. Dear me, dear me,
250 THE HEAD OF KAY'S
what a noise those boys are making. Boys, and it behoved them to extract as
Why are they behaving in that much enjoyment from the function as
extraordinary way, I wonder! they could. Under Mr Mullhollands
Kays juniors had left the pavilion, rule the concert had become a very
and were trooping back to their house. flourishing institution. He aimed at a
At the present moment they were high standard, and reached it. There
passing the school shop, and their was more than a touch of the austere
tuneful voices floated in through the about the music. A glance at the
open window. programme was enough to show the
This is very unusual. Why, they lover of airs of the trashy, clashy order
seem to be boys in my house. They are that this was no place for him. Most of
groaning. the items were serious. When it was
I think they are a little upset at the thought necessary to introduce a lighter
result of the match, sir, said Jimmy touch, some staidly rollicking number
Silver suavely. Fenn did not arrive, was inserted, some song that was saved
for some reason, till the end of the in spite of a catchy tuneby a halo
innings, so Mr Blackburns won. The of antiquity. Anything modern was
wicket was good, but a little fiery. taboo, unless it were the work of
Thank you, Silver, replied Mr Kay Gotsuchakoff, Thingummyowsky, or
with asperity. When I require some other eminent foreigner. Foreign
explanations I will ask for them. origin made it just possible.
He darted out of the shop, and a The school prefects lurked during
moment later they heard him pouring the performance at the doors and at the
out a flood of recriminations on the foot of the broad stone steps that led to
groaning fags. the Great Hall. It was their duty to
There was once a man who snubbed supply visitors with programmes.
me, said Jimmy Silver. They buried Jimmy Silver had foregathered with
him at Brookwood. Well, what are you Kennedy, Challis, and Williams at the
going to do, Fenn? Going to play junior door. The hall was full now, and
tonight? Harkee, boy. Say but the their labours consequently at an end.
word, and I will beard this tyrant to his Pretty good gate, said Silver,
face. looking in through the open door. It
Fenn rose. must be warm up in the gallery.
Yes, he said briefly, I shall play. Across the further end of the hall a
Youd better turn up. I think youll dais had been erected. On this the bulk
enjoy it. of the school sat, leaving the body of
Silver said that no human power the hall to the crowned heads, nobility,
should keep him away. and gentry to whom Silver had referred
***** in his conversation with Fenn.
The School concert was always one It always is warm in the gallery,
of the events of the summer term. said Challis. I lost about two stone
There was a concert at the end of the there every concert when I was a kid.
winter term, too, but it was not so We simply used to sit and melt.
important. To a great many of those And I tell you what, broke in
present the summer concert marked, as Silver, its going to get warmer before
it were, the last flutter of their school the end of the show. Do you notice that
life. On the morrow they would be Old all Kays house are sitting in a lump at
HARMONY AND DISCORD 251
the back. I bet theyre simply spoiling bowling analysis in single figures.
for a row. Especially now Kays Fenn played the Moonlight
running the concert. Theres going to Sonata. A trained musical critic would
be a hot time in the old town tonight- probably have found much to cavil at in
you see if there isnt. Hark at em. his rendering of the piece, but it was
The choir had just come to the end of undoubtedly good for a public school
a little thing of Handels. There was no player. Of course he was encored. The
reason to suppose that the gallery gallery would have encored him if he
appreciated Handel. Nevertheless, they had played with one finger, three
were making a deafening noise. Clouds mistakes to every bar.
of dust rose from the rhythmical I told Fenn, said Jimmy Silver, if
stamping of many feet. The noise was he got an encore, that he ought to play
loudest and the dust thickest by the big theMy aunt! He is!
window, beneath which sat the men Three runs and half-a-dozen crashes,
from Kays. Things were warming up. and there was no further room for
The gallery, with one last stamp doubt. Fenn was playing the Coon
which nearly caused the dais to Band Contest.
collapse, quieted down. The masters in Hes gone mad, gasped Kennedy.
the audience looked serious. One or Whether he had or not, it is certain
two of the visitors glanced over their that the gallery had. All the evening
shoulders with a smile. How excited they had been stewing in an atmosphere
the dear boys were at the prospect of like that of the inner room of a Turkish
holidays! Young blood! Young blood! bath, and they were ready for anything.
Boys would be boys. It needed but a trifle to set them off.
The concert continued. Half-way The lilt of that unspeakable Yankee
through the programme there was a ten melody supplied that trifle. Kays
minutes interval. Fenns pianoforte malcontents, huddled in their seats by
solo was the second item of the second the window, were the first to break out.
half. Feet began to stamp in time to the
He mounted the platform amidst musicsoftly at first, then more
howls of delight from the gallery. loudly. The wooden dais gave out the
Applause at the Eckleton concerts was sound like a drum.
granted more for services in the Other rioters joined in from the
playing-fields than merit as a musician. right. The noise spread through the
Kubelik or Paderewski would have gallery as a fire spreads through gorse.
been welcomed with a few polite Soon three hundred pairs of well-shod
handclaps. A man in the eleven or feet were rising and falling. Somebody
fifteen was certain of two minutes began to whistle. Everybody whistled.
unceasing cheers. Mr Kay was on his feet, gesticulating
Evidently one of their heroes, my wildly. His words were lost in the
dear, said Paterfamilias to uproar.
Materfamilias. I suppose he has won a For five minutes the din prevailed.
scholarship at the University. Then, with a final crash, Fenn finished.
Paterfamilias mind was accustomed He got up from the music-stool, bowed,
to run somewhat upon scholarships at and walked back to his place by the
the University. What the school wanted senior door. The musical efforts of the
was a batting average of forty odd or a gallery changed to a storm of cheering
252 THE HEAD OF KAY'S
arent responsible for them. Hullo, with it, and give a fellow a chance of
theres that bugle. Things seem to be getting cool again?
on the move. We must go. The gist of the oration was
So long, said Fenn. apparently that the Eckleton cadets were
Goodbye. Mind you come off to consider themselves not only as
against Middlesex. soldiersand as such subject to
Kennedy stayed for a moment. military discipline, and the rules for the
Has the Old Man said anything to conduct of troops quartered in the
you yet? he asked. Aldershot districtbut also as members
Not yet. Hell do that next term. of a public school. In short, that if they
Itll be something to look forward to. misbehaved themselves they would get
Kennedy hurried off to take his place cells, and a hundred lines in the same
in the ranks. breath, as it were.
Getting to camp at the end of the The corps knew all this ages ago.
summer term is always a nuisance. The man seemed to think he was telling
Aldershot seems a long way from them something fresh. They began
everywhere, and the trains take their positively to dislike him after a while.
time over the journey. Then, again, the He finished at last. Eckleton
heat always happens to be particularly marched off wearily, but in style, to its
oppressive on that day. Snow may have lines.
fallen on the day before, but directly Dis-miss!
one sets out for camp, the thermometer They did.
goes up into three figures. The And about time, too, said Jimmy
Eckleton contingent marched into the Silver. I wish they would tie that man
lines damp and very thirsty. up, or something. Hes one of the worst
Most of the other schools were bores I know. He may be full of bright
already on the spot, and looked as if conversation in private life, but in
they had been spending the last few public he will talk about his beastly
years there. There was nothing military regulations. You cant stop
particular going on when the Eckleton him. Its a perfect mania with him.
warriors arrived, and everybody was Now, I believethats to say, I have a
lounging about in khaki and shirt- sort of dim ideathat theres a place
sleeves, looking exasperatingly cool. round about here called a canteen. I
The only consolation which buoyed up seem to remember such a thing
the spirits of Eckleton was the reflection vaguely. We might go and look for it.
that in a short space of time, when the Kennedy made no objection.
important-looking gentleman in This was his first appearance at
uniform who had come to meet them camp. Jimmy Silver, on the other hand,
had said all he wanted to say on the was a veteran. He had been there twice
subject of rules and regulations, they before, and meant to go again. He had
would be like that too. Happy thought! a peculiar and extensive knowledge of
If the man bucked up and cut short the the ins and outs of the place. Kennedy
peroration, there would be time for a was quite willing to take him as his
bathe in Cove Reservoir. Those of the guide. He was full of information.
corps who had been to camp in previous Kennedy was surprised to see what a
years felt quite limp with the joy of the number of men from the other schools
thought. Why couldnt he get through he seemed to know. In the canteen
254 THE HEAD OF KAY'S
After a pleasant half hour in the mud always hanging round the house. What
and water of the Reservoir, they lay on he comes for, I cant make out.
the bank and watched the rest of the Pal of Fenns, suggested Perry.
schools take their afternoon dip. He hangs on to Fenn. I bet Fenn
Kennedy had laid in a supply of bars him really.
provisions from the stall which stood at Perry doubted this in his innermost
the camp end of the water. Neither of thoughts, but it was not worth while to
them felt inclined to move. say so.
This is decent, said Kennedy, Those Blackburn chaps, continued
wriggling into a more comfortable Walton, reverting to another grievance,
position in the long grass. Hullo! will stick on no end of side next term
Whats up? inquired Jimmy Silver, about that cup. They wouldnt have had
lazily. a look in if Kay hadnt given Fenn that
He was almost asleep. extra. Kay ought to be kicked. Im
Look at those idiots. Theyre hanged if Im going to care what I do
certain to get spotted. next term. Somebody ought to do
Jimmy Silver tilted his hat off his something to take it out of Kay for
face, and sat up. getting his own house licked like that.
Whats the matter? Which idiot? Walton spoke as if the line of
Kennedy pointed to a bush on their conduct he had mapped out for himself
right. Walton and Perry were seated would be a complete reversal of his
beside it. Both were smoking. customary mode of life. As a matter of
Oh, thats all right, said Silver. fact, he had never been in the habit of
Masters never come to Cove caring very much what he did.
Reservoir. Its a sort of unwritten law. Waltons last remarks brought the
Theyre rotters to smoke, all the same. conversation back to where it had been
Certain to get spotted some day.... Not before the mention of Kennedy
worth it.... Spoils lungs.... Beastly switched it off on to new lines. Perry
bad ... training. had been complaining that he thought
He dozed off. The sun was warm, camp a fraud, that it was all drilling and
and the grass very soft and getting up at unearthly hours. He
comfortable. Kennedy turned his gaze reminded Walton that he had only come
to the Reservoir again. It was no on the strength of the latters statement
business of his what Walton and Perry that it would be a rag. Where did the
did. rag come in? That was what Perry
Walton and Perry were discussing wanted to know.
ways and means. The conversation When its not a ghastly sweat, he
changed as they saw Kennedy glance at concluded, its slow. Like it is now.
them. They were the sort of persons Cant we do something for a change?
who feel a vague sense of injury when As a matter of fact, said Walton,
anybody looks at them, perhaps because nearly all the best rags are played out.
they feel that those whose attention is A chap at a crammers told me last
attracted to them must say something to holidays that when he was at camp he
their discredit when they begin to talk and some other fellows loosed the ropes
about them. of the guard-tent. He said it was grand
Theres that beast Kennedy, said sport.
Walton. I cant stick that man. Hes Perry sat up.
258 THE HEAD OF KAY'S
Thats the thing, he said, not fallen that night to some muscular
excitedly. Lets do that. Why not? forward from one of the school fifteens,
Its beastly risky, objected Walton. or worse still, to a boxing expert who
Whats that matter? They cant do had figured in the Aldershot
anything, even if they spot us. competition at Easter. The present
Thats all you know. We should sentry would be an easy victim.
get beans. They waited for him to arrive.
Still, its worth risking. It would be A moment later Private Jones, of St
the biggest rag going. Did the chap tell Asterisksfor it was heturning to
you how they did it? resume his beat, found himself tackled
Yes, said Walton, becoming from behind. Two moments later he
animated as he recalled the stirring tale, was reclining in the ditch. He would
they bagged the sentry. Chucked a have challenged his adversary, but,
cloth or something over his head, you unfortunately, that individual happened
know. Then they shoved him into the to be seated on his face.
ditch, and one of them sat on him while He struggled, but to no purpose.
the others loosed the ropes. It took the He was still struggling when a
chaps inside no end of a time getting muffled roar of indignation from the
out. direction of the guard-tent broke the
Thats the thing. Well do it. We stillness of the summer night. The roar
only need one other chap. Leveson swelled into a crescendo. What seemed
would come if we asked him. Lets get like echoes came from other quarters
back to the lines. Its almost tea-time. out of the darkness. The camp was
Tell him after tea. waking.
Leveson proved agreeable. Indeed, The noise from the guard-tent waxed
he jumped at it. His life, his attitude louder.
suggested, had been a hollow mockery The unknown marauder rose from
until he heard the plan, but now he his seat on Private Jones, and vanished.
could begin to enjoy himself once more. Private Jones also rose. He climbed
The lights-out bugle sounded at ten out of the ditch, shook himself, looked
oclock; the last post at ten-thirty. At a round for his assailant, and, not finding
quarter to twelve the three adventurers, him, hurried to the guard-tent to see
who had been keeping themselves what was happening.
awake by the exercise of great pains,
satisfied themselves that the other
occupants of the tent were asleep, and A CLUE
stole out.
It was an excellent night for their The guard-tent had disappeared.
purpose. There was no moon, and the Private Jones bewildered eye,
stars were hidden by clouds. rolling in a fine frenzy from heaven to
They crept silently towards the earth, and from earth to heaven, in
guard-tent. A dim figure loomed out of search of the missing edifice, found it at
the blackness. They noted with last in a tangled heap upon the ground.
satisfaction, as it approached, that it was It was too dark to see anything
small. Sentries at the public-school distinctly, but he perceived that the
camp vary in physique. They felt that it canvas was rising and falling
was lucky that the task of sentry-go had spasmodically like a stage sea, and for a
A CLUE 259
similar reasonbecause there were shattered nerves with sleep until their
human beings imprisoned beneath it. time for sentry-go came round. Private
By this time the whole camp was up Jones picked up his rifle and resumed
and doing. Figures in deshabille, his beat. The affair was at an end as far
dashing the last vestiges of sleep away as that night was concerned.
with their knuckles, trooped on to the Next morning, as might be expected,
scene in twos and threes, full of inquiry nothing else was talked about.
and trenchant sarcasm. Conversation at breakfast was confined
What are you men playing at? to the topic. No halfpenny paper,
Whats all the row about? Cant you however many times its circulation
finish that game of footer some other might exceed that of any penny
time, when we arent trying to get to morning paper, ever propounded so
sleep? What on earths up? fascinating and puzzling a breakfast-
Then the voice of one having table problem. It was the utter
authority. impossibility of detecting the culprits
Whats the matter? What are you that appealed to the schools. They had
doing? swooped down like hawks out of the
It was perfectly obvious what the night, and disappeared like eels into
guard was doing. It was trying to get mud, leaving no traces.
out from underneath the fallen tent. Jimmy Silver, of course, had no
Private Jones explained this with some doubts.
warmth. It was those Kays men, he said.
Somebody jumped at me and sat on What does it matter about evidence?
my head in the ditch. I couldnt get up. Youve only got to look at em. Thats
And then some blackguard cut the ropes all the evidence you want. The only
of the guard-tent. I couldnt see who it thing that makes it at all puzzling is that
was. He cut off directly the tent went they did nothing worse. Youd
down. naturally expect them to slay the sentry,
Private Jones further expressed a at any rate.
wish that he could find the chap. When But the rest of the camp, lacking that
he did, there would, he hinted, be intimate knowledge of the Kayite which
trouble in the old homestead. he possessed, did not turn the eye of
The tent was beginning to disgorge suspicion towards the Eckleton lines.
its prisoners. The affair remained a mystery.
Guard, turn out! said a facetious Kennedy, who never gave up a problem
voice from the darkness. when everybody else did, continued to
The camp was divided into two revolve the mystery in his mind.
schools of thought. Those who were I shouldnt wonder, he said to
watching the guard struggle out thought Silver, two days later, if you were
the episode funny. The guard did not. right.
It was pathetic to hear them on the Silver, who had not made any
subject of their mysterious assailants. remark for the last five minutes, with
Matters quieted down rapidly after the the exception of abusive comments on
tent had been set up again. The the toughness of the meat which he was
spectators were driven back to their trying to carve with a blunt knife for the
lines by their officers. The guard turned tent, asked for an explanation. I mean
in again to try and restore their about that row the other night.
260 THE HEAD OF KAY'S
did, as rather sporting; he had a tender Kennedy was one of the ten privates,
feeling for the good name of the school, and his first spell of sentry-go began at
and he felt that it was not likely to make eleven oclock.
Eckleton popular with the other schools On this night there was no moon. It
that went to camp if they got the was as black as pitch. It is always
reputation of practical jokers. Practical unpleasant to be on sentry-go on such a
jokers are seldom popular until they night. The mind wanders, in spite of all
have been dead a hundred years or so. effort to check it, through a long series
As for Walton and his colleagues, to of all the ghastly stories one has ever
complete the list of those who were read. There is one in particular of
interested in this matter of the midnight Conan Doyles about a mummy that
raid, they lay remarkably low after their came to life and chased people on
successful foray. They imagined that lonely roadsbut enough! However
Kennedy was spying on their every courageous one may be, it is difficult
movement. In which they were quite not to speculate on the possible horrors
wrong, for Kennedy was doing nothing which may spring out on one from the
of the kind. Camp does not allow a darkness. That feeling that there is
great deal of leisure for the minding of somebodyor somethingjust behind
other peoples businesses. But this one can only be experienced in all its
reflection did not occur to Walton, and force by a sentry on an inky night at
he regarded Kennedy, whenever chance camp. And the thought that, of all the
or his duties brought him into the hundreds there, he and two others are
neighbourhood of that worthys tent, the only ones awake, puts a sort of
with a suspicion which increased finishing touch to the unpleasantness of
whenever the latter looked at him. the situation.
On the night before camp broke up, a Kennedy was not a particularly
second incident of a sensational kind imaginative youth, but he looked
occurred, which, but for the fact that forward with no little eagerness to the
they never heard of it, would have given time when he should be relieved. It
the schools a good deal to talk about. It would be a relief in two senses of the
happened that Kennedy was on sentry- word. His beat included that side of the
go that night. The manner of sentry-go camp which faces the road to
is thus. At seven in the evening the Aldershot. Between camp and this road
guard falls in, and patrols the fringe of is a ditch and a wood. After he had
the camp in relays till seven in the been on duty for an hour this wood
morning. A guard consists of a began to suggest a variety of
sergeant, a corporal, and ten men. They possibilities, all grim. The ditch, too,
are on duty for two hours at a time, with was not without associations. It was
intervals of four hours between each into this that Private Jones had been
spell, in which intervals they sleep the hurled on a certain memorable
sleep of tired men in the guard-tent, occasion. Such a thing was not likely to
unless, as happened on the occasion happen again in the same week, and,
previously described, some miscreant even if it did, Kennedy flattered himself
takes it upon himself to loose the ropes. that he would have more to say in the
The ground to be patrolled by the matter than Private Jones had had; but
sentries is divided into three parts, each nevertheless he kept a careful eye in
of which is entrusted to one man. that direction whenever his beat took
A NIGHT ADVENTURETHE DETHRONEMENT OF FENN 263
Eckleton on the last day of these looked like lumber-rooms till near the
summer holidays, he could not help end of the first week.
feeling that there was a great deal to be He had filled the shelves, and was
said for term. He felt particularly arranging the artistic decorations, when
cheerful. He had the carriage to Jimmy Silver came in. Kennedy had
himself, and he had also plenty to read been surprised that he had not met him
and eat. The train was travelling at downstairs, but the matron had
forty miles an hour. And there were all answered his inquiry with the statement
the pleasures of a first night after the that he was talking to Mr Blackburn in
holidays to look forward to, when you the other part of the house.
dashed from one friends study to When did you arrive? asked
anothers, comparing notes, and Silver, after the conclusion of the first
explainingfive or six of you at a time outbreak of holiday talk.
what a good time you had had in the Ive only just come.
holidays. This was always a pleasant Seen Blackburn yet?
ceremony at Blackburns, where all the No. I was thinking of going up
prefects were intimate friends, and all after I had got this place done
good sorts, without that liberal properly.
admixture of weeds, worms, and Jimmy Silver ran his eye over the
outsiders which marred the list of room.
prefects in most of the other houses. I havent started mine yet, he said.
Such as Kays! Kennedy could not Youre such an energetic man. Now,
restrain a momentary gloating as he are all those books in their proper
contrasted the state of affairs in places?
Blackburns with what existed at Yes, said Kennedy.
Kays. Then this feeling was merged in Sure?
one of pity for Fenns hard case. How Yes.
he must hate the beginning of term, How about the pictures? Got them
thought Kennedy. up?
All the well-known stations were All but this lot here. Shant be a
flashing by now. In a few minutes he second. There you are. Hows that for
would be at the junction, and in another effect?
half-hour back at Blackburns. He Not bad. Got all your photographs
began to collect his baggage from the in their places?
rack. Yes.
Nobody he knew was at the Then, said Jimmy Silver, calmly,
junction. This was the late train that he youd better start now to pack them all
had come down by. Most of the school up again. And why, my son? Because
had returned earlier in the afternoon. you are no longer a Blackburnite.
He reached Blackburns at eight Thats what.
oclock, and went up to his study to Kennedy stared.
unpack. This was always his first act Ive just had the whole yarn from
on coming back to school. He liked to Blackburn, continued Jimmy Silver.
start the term with all his books in their Our dear old pal, Mr Kay, wanting
shelves, and all his pictures and somebody in his house capable of
photographs in their proper places on keeping order, by way of a change, has
the first day. Some of the studies gone to the Old Man and borrowed
A NIGHT ADVENTURETHE DETHRONEMENT OF FENN 265
you. So youre head of Kays now. know that Silver has spent years in
Theres an honour for you. showing him the straight and narrow
path. You take Kennedy. All right,
says Kay; I always thought Kennedy a
THE SENSATIONS OF bit of an ass myself, but if hes studied
under Silver he ought to know how to
AN EXILE manage a house. Ill take him. Advise
our Mr Blackburn to that effect, and ask
What shouted Kennedy.
him to deliver the goods at his earliest
He sprang to his feet as if he had had
convenience. Adoo, mess-mate, adoo!
an electric shock.
And there you arethats how it was.
Jimmy Silver, having satisfied his
But whats wrong with Fenn?
passion for the dramatic by the
My dear chap! Remember last
abruptness with which he had exploded
term. Didnt Fenn have a regular scrap
his mine, now felt himself at liberty to
with Kay, and get shoved into extra for
be sympathetic.
it? And didnt he wreck the concert in
Its quite true, he said. And
the most sportsmanlike way with that
thats just how I felt when Blackburn
encore of his? Think the Old Man is
told me. Blackburns as sick as
going to take that grinning? Not much!
anything. Naturally he doesnt see the
Fenn made a ripping fifty against Kent
point of handing you over to Kay. But
in the holidaysI saw him do itbut
the Old Man insisted, so he caved in.
they dont count that. Its a wonder
He wanted to see you as soon as you
they didnt ask him to leave. Of course,
arrived. Youd better go now. Ill
I think its jolly rough on Fenn, but I
finish your packing.
dont see that you can blame them. Not
This was noble of Jimmy, for of all
the Old Man, at any rate. He couldnt
the duties of life he loathed packing
do anything else. Its all Kays fault
most.
that all this has happened, of course.
Thanks awfully, said Kennedy,
Im awfully sorry for you having to go
but dont you bother. Ill do it when I
into that beastly hole, but from Kays
get back. But whats it all about? What
point of view its a jolly sound move.
made Kay want a man? Why wont
You may reform the place.
Fenn do? And why me?
I doubt it.
Well, its easy to see why they
So do Ivery much. I didnt say
chose you. They reflected that youd
you wouldI said you might. I wonder
had the advantage of being in
if Kay means to give you a free hand. It
Blackburns with me, and seeing how a
all depends on that.
house really should be run. Kay wants
Yes. If hes going to interfere with
a head for his house. Off he goes to the
me as he used to with Fenn, hell want
Old Man. Look here, he says, I want
to bring in another head to improve on
somebody shunted into my happy
me.
home, or itll bust up. And its no good
Rather a good idea, that, said
trying to put me off with an inferior
Jimmy Silver, laughing, as he always
article, because I wont have it. It must
did when any humorous possibilities
be somebody whos been trained from
suggested themselves to him. If he
youth up by Silver. Then, says the
brings in somebody to improve on you,
Old Man, reflectively, you cant do
and then somebody else to improve on
better than take Kennedy. I happen to
266 THE HEAD OF KAY'S
him, and then another chap to improve into a flow of abuse and complaint.
on him, he ought to have a decent house There had always been an excellent
in half-a-dozen years or so. understandingindeed, a friendship-
The worst of it is, said Kennedy, between Kennedy and Mr Blackburn,
that Ive got to go to Kays as a sort of and the master was just as sorry to lose
rival to Fenn. I shouldnt mind so much his second prefect as the latter was to
if it wasnt for that. I wonder how hell go.
take it! Do you think he knows about it Well, Kennedy, he said,
yet? He didnt enjoy being head, but pleasantly. I hope you had a good
thats no reason why he shouldnt cut time in the holidays. I suppose Silver
up rough at being shoved back to has told you the melancholy newsthat
second prefect. Its a beastly situation. you are to desert us this term? It is a
Beastly, agreed Jimmy Silver. great pity. We shall all be very sorry to
Look here, he added, after a pause, lose you. I dont look forward to seeing
theres no reason, you know, why this you bowl us all out in the house-
should make any difference. To us, I matches next summer, he added, with
mean. What I mean to say is, I dont a smile, though we shall expect a few
see why we shouldnt see each other full-pitches to leg, for the sake of old
just as often, and so on, simply because times.
you are in another house, and all that He meant well, but the picture he
sort of thing. You know what I mean. conjured up almost made Kennedy
He spoke shamefacedly, as was his break down. Nothing up to the present
habit whenever he was serious. He had made him realise the completeness
liked Kennedy better than anyone he of his exile so keenly as this remark of
knew, and hated to show his feelings. Mr Blackburns about his bowling
Anything remotely connected with against the side for which he had taken
sentiment made him uncomfortable. so many wickets in the past. It was a
Of course, said Kennedy, painful thought.
awkwardly. I am afraid you wont have quite
Youll want a refuge, said Silver, such a pleasant time in Mr Kays as you
in his normal manner, now that youre have had here, resumed the house-
going to see wild life in Kays. Dont master. Of course, I know that, strictly
forget that Im always at home in my speaking, I ought not to talk like this
study in the afternoonsadmission on about another masters house; but you
presentation of a visiting-card. can scarcely be unaware of the reasons
All right, said Kennedy, Ill that have led to this change. You must
remember. I suppose Id better go and know that you are being sent to pull Mr
see Blackburn now. Kays house together. This is strictly
Mr Blackburn was in his study. He between ourselves, of course. I think
was obviously disgusted and irritated by you have a difficult task before you, but
what had happened. Loyalty to the I dont fancy that you will find it too
headmaster, and an appreciation of his much for you. And mind you come
position as a member of the staff led here as often as you please. I am sure
him to try and conceal his feelings as Silver and the others will be glad to see
much as possible in his interview with you. Goodbye, Kennedy. I think you
Kennedy, but the latter understood as ought to be getting across now to Mr
plainly as if his house-master had burst Kays. I told him that you would be
THE SENSATIONS OF AN EXILE 267
main. Kennedy lit a candle and made There was no reply. The giggler
his way to his dormitory. There now appeared to be rapidly approaching
faced him the more than unpleasant task hysterics.
of introducing himself to its inmates. Shut up that row, said Kennedy.
He knew from experience the The giggling ceased.
disconcerting way in which a dormitory The atmosphere was charged with
greets an intruder. It was difficult to suspicion. Kennedy fell asleep fearing
know how to begin matters. It would that he was going to have trouble with
take a long time, he thought, to explain his dormitory before many nights had
his presence to their satisfaction. passed.
Fortunately, however, the dormitory
was not unprepared. Things get about
very quickly in a house. The matron FURTHER
had told the housemaids; the
housemaids had handed it on to their EXPERIENCES OF AN
ally, the boot boy; the boot boy had told EXILE
Wren, whom he happened to meet in
the passage, and Wren had told Breakfast on the following morning
everybody else. was a repetition of the dormitory
There was an uproar going on when ordeal. Kennedy walked to his place on
Kennedy opened the door, but it died Mr Kays right, feeling that everyone
away as he appeared, and the dormitory was looking at him, as indeed they
gazed at the newcomer in absolute and were. He understood for the first time
embarrassing silence. Kennedy had not the meaning of the expression, the
felt so conscious of the public eye being cynosure of all eyes. He was modest
upon him since he had gone out to bat by nature, and felt his position a distinct
against the M.C.C., on his first trial.
appearance in the ranks of the Eckleton He did not quite know what to say or
eleven. He went to his bed and began do with regard to his new house-master
to undress without a word, feeling at this their first meeting in the latters
rather than seeing the eyes that were territory. Come aboard, sir, occurred
peering at him. When he had to him for a moment as a happy phrase,
completed the performance of but he discarded it. To make the
disrobing, he blew out the candle and situation more awkward, Mr Kay did
got into bed. The silence was broken not observe him at first, being occupied
by numerous coughs, of that short, in assailing a riotous fag at the other
suggestive type with which the public end of the table, that youth having
schoolboy loves to embarrass his fellow succeeded, by a dexterous drive in the
man. From some unidentified corner of ribs, in making a friend of his spill half
the room came a subdued giggle. Then a cup of coffee. Kennedy did not know
a whispered, Shut up, you fool! To whether to sit down without a word or
which a low voice replied, All right, to remain standing until Mr Kay had
Im not doing anything. time to attend to him. He would have
More coughs, and another outbreak done better to have sat down; Mr Kays
of giggling from a fresh quarter. greeting, when it came, was not worth
Good night, said Kennedy, to the waiting for.
room in general. Sit down, Kennedy, he said,
FURTHER EXPERIENCES OF AN EXILE 269
but Im hanged if Im going to take any make this a decent house off my own
more trouble over the house. Havent bat without your help. If you like
you any respect for Mr Kays feelings? looking on, youd better look on. Ill
He thinks I cant keep order. Surely give you something to look at soon.
you dont want me to go and shatter his He went out, leaving Fenn with
pet beliefs? Anyhow, Im not going to mixed feelings. He would have liked to
do it. Im going to play villagers and have followed him, taken back what he
retainers to your hero. If you do had said, and formed an offensive
anything wonderful with the house, I alliance against the black sheep of the
shall be standing by ready to cheer. But houseand also, which was just as
you dont catch me shoving myself important, against the slack sheep, who
forward. Thank Heaven I knows me were good for nothing, either at work or
place, as the butler in the play says. play. But his bitterness against the
Kennedy kicked moodily at the leg house-master prevented him. He was
of the chair which he was holding. The not going to take his removal from the
feeling that his whole world had fallen leadership of Kays as if nothing had
about his ears was increasing with every happened.
hour he spent in Kays. Last term he Meanwhile, in the dayrooms and
and Fenn had been as close friends as studies, the house had been holding
you could wish to see. If he had asked indignation meetings, and at each it had
Fenn to help him in a tight place then, been unanimously resolved that Kays
he knew he could have relied on him. had been abominably treated, and that
Now his chief desire seemed to be to the deposition of Fenn must not be
score off the human race in general, his tolerated. Unfortunately, a house
best friend included. It was a cannot do very much when it revolts. It
depressing beginning. can only show its displeasure in little
Do you know what the sherry said things, and by an increase of
to the man when he was just going to rowdiness. This was the line that Kays
drink it? inquired Fenn. It said, took. Fenn became a popular hero.
Nemo me impune lacessit. Thats how Fags, until he kicked them for it,
I feel. Kay went out of his way to give showed a tendency to cheer him
me a bad time when I was doing my whenever they saw him. Nothing could
best to run his house properly, so I paint Mr Kay blacker in the eyes of his
dont see that Im called upon to go out house, so that Kennedy came in for all
of my way to work for him. the odium. The same fags who had
Its rather rough on me cheered Fenn hooted him on one
Kennedy began. Then a sudden occasion as he passed the junior
indignation rushed through him. Why dayroom. Kennedy stopped short, went
should he grovel to Fenn? If Fenn in, and presented each inmate of the
chose to stand out, let him. He was room with six cuts with a swagger-
capable of running the house by stick. This summary and Captain
himself. Kettle-like move had its effect. There
I dont care, he said, savagely. If was no more hooting. The fags
you cant see what a cad youre making bethought themselves of other ways of
of yourself, Im not going to try to show showing their disapproval of their new
you. You can do what you jolly well head.
please. Im not dependent on you. Ill One genius suggested that they
FURTHER EXPERIENCES OF AN EXILE 271
might kill two birds with one stone- Jimmy to Kennedy, after the match,
snub Kennedy and pay a stately when telling the latter of the incident;
compliment to Fenn by applying to the theres no false idea of politeness
latter for leave to go out of bounds about them. If they dont like your
instead of to the former. As the giving decisions, they say so in a shrill treble.
of leave down town was the Little beasts, said Kennedy. I
prerogative of the head of the house, wish I knew who they were. Its
and of no other, there was a hopeless to try and spot them, of
suggestiveness about this mode of course.
procedure which appealed to the junior
dayroom.
But the star of the junior dayroom THE SENIOR
was not in the ascendant. Fenn might
have quarrelled with Kennedy, and be DAYROOM OPENS FIRE
extremely indignant at his removal from
Curiously enough, it was shortly
the headship of the house, but he was
after this that the junior dayroom ceased
not the man to forget to play the game.
almost entirely to trouble the head of
His policy of non-interference did not
the house. Not that they turned over
include underhand attempts to sap
new leaves, and modelled their conduct
Kennedys authority. When Gorrick, of
on that of the hero of the Sunday-school
the Lower Fourth, the first of the fags to
story. They were still disorderly, but in
put the ingenious scheme into practice,
a lesser degree; and ragging became a
came to him, still smarting from
matter of private enterprise among the
Kennedys castigation, Fenn promptly
fags instead of being, as it had
gave him six more cuts, worse than the
threatened to be, an organised revolt
first, and kicked him out into the
against the new head. When a Kays
passage. Gorrick naturally did not want
fag rioted now, he did so with the air of
to spoil a good thing by giving Fenns
one endeavouring to amuse himself, not
game away, so he lay low and said
as if he were carrying on a holy war
nothing, with the result that Wren and
against the oppressor.
three others met with the same fate,
Kennedys difficulties were
only more so, because Fenns wrath
considerably diminished by this
increased with each visit.
change. A head of a house expects the
Kennedy, of course, heard nothing of
juniors of his house to rag. It is what
this, or he might perhaps have thought
they are put into the world to do, and
better of Fenn. As for the junior
there is no difficulty in keeping the
dayroom, it was obliged to work off its
thing within decent limits. A revolution
emotion by jeering Jimmy Silver from
is another case altogether. Kennedy
the safety of the touchline when the
was grateful for the change, for it gave
head of Blackburns was refereeing in a
him more time to keep an eye on the
match between the juniors of his house
other members of the house, but he had
and those of Kays. Blackburns
no idea what had brought it about. As a
happened to win by four goals and eight
matter of fact, he had Billy Silver to
tries, a result which the patriotic Kay
thank for it. The chief organiser of the
fag attributed solely to favouritism on
movement against Kennedy in the
the part of the referee.
junior dayroom had been the red-haired
I like the kids in your house, said
Wren, who preached war to his fellow
272 THE HEAD OF KAY'S
fags, partly because he loved to create a interrupted at camp. And when, some
disturbance, and partly because Walton, five minutes later, Billy, from his seat
who hated Kennedy, had told him to. on his adversarys chest, offered to go
Between Wren and Billy Silver a feud through the same performance with
had existed since their first meeting. anybody else who wished, the junior
The unsatisfactory conclusion to their dayroom came to the conclusion that his
encounter in camp had given another feelings with regard to the new head of
lease of life to the feud, and Billy had the house, however foolish and
come back to Kays with the fixed unpatriotic, had better be respected.
intention of smiting his auburn-haired And the revolution of the fags had
foe hip and thigh at the earliest fizzled out from that moment.
opportunity. Wrens attitude with In the senior dayroom, however, the
respect to Kennedy gave him a decent flag of battle was still unfurled. It was
excuse. He had no particular regard for so obvious that Kennedy had been put
Kennedy. The fact that he was a friend into the house as a reformer, and the
of his brothers was no seniors of Kays had such an objection
recommendation. There existed to being reformed, that trouble was only
between the two Silvers that feeling to be expected. It was the custom in
which generally exists between an elder most houses for the head of the house,
and a much younger brother at the same by right of that position, to be also
school. Each thought the other a bit of captain of football. The senior dayroom
an idiot, and though equal to tolerating was aggrieved at Kennedys taking this
him personally, was hanged if he was post from Fenn. Fenn was in his second
going to do the same by his friends. In year in the school fifteen, and he was
Billys circle of acquaintances, Jimmys the three-quarter who scored most
friends were looked upon with cold frequently for Eckleton, whereas
suspicion as officious meddlers who Kennedy, though practically a certainty
would give them lines if they found for one of the six vacant places in the
them out of bounds. The aristocrats school scrum, was at present entitled to
with whom Jimmy foregathered barely wear only a second fifteen cap. The
recognised the existence of Billys claims of Fenn to be captain of Kays
companions. Kennedys claim to football were strong, Kennedy had
Billys good offices rested on the fact begged him to continue in that position
that they both objected to Wren. more than once. Fenns persistent
So that, when Wren lifted up his refusal had helped to increase the
voice in the junior dayroom, and coolness between them, and it had also
exhorted the fags to go and make a row made things more difficult for Kennedy
in the passage outside Kennedys study, in the house.
andfrom a safe distance, and having It was on the Monday of the third
previously ensured a means of rapid week of term that Kennedy, at Jimmy
escapeto fling boots at his door, Billy Silvers request, arranged a friendly
damped the popular enthusiasm which between Kays and Blackburns. There
had been excited by the proposal by could be no doubt as to which was the
kicking Wren with some violence, and better team (for Blackburns had been
begging him not to be an ass. runners up for the Cup the season
Whereupon they resumed their battle at before), but the better ones opponents
the point at which it had been the better the practice. Kennedy wrote
THE SENIOR DAYROOM OPENS FIRE 273
out the list and fixed it on the notice scratch game, invariably kept the teams
board. The match was to be played on waiting on the field for half an hour
the following afternoon. before turning up. Mr Blackburn, an
A football team must generally be the other hand, was always punctual.
made up of the biggest men at the He came out of his house just as
captains disposal, so it happened that Kennedy turned in at the school gates.
Walton, Perry, Callingham, and the Well, Kennedy, he said from the
other leaders of dissension in Kays all depths of his ulster, the collar of which
figured on the list. The consequence he had turned up over his ears with a
was that the list came in for a good deal prudence which Kennedy, having come
of comment in the senior dayroom. out with only a blazer on over his
There were games every Saturday and football clothes, distinctly envied, I
Wednesday, and it annoyed Walton and hope your men are not going to be late.
friends that they should have to turn out I dont think I ever saw a worse day for
on an afternoon that was not a half football. How long were you thinking
holiday. It was trouble enough playing of playing? Two twenty-fives would be
football on the days when it was enough for a day like this, I think.
compulsory. As for patriotism, no Kennedy consulted with Jimmy
member of the house even pretended to Silver, who came up at this moment,
care whether Kays put a good team and they agreed without argument that
into the field or not. The senior twenty-five minutes each way would be
dayroom sat talking over the matter till the very thing.
lights-out. When Kennedy came down Where are your men? asked
next morning, he found his list Jimmy. Ive got all our chaps out here,
scribbled over with blue pencil, while bar Challis, wholl be out in a few
across it in bold letters ran the single minutes. I left him almost changed.
word, Challis appeared a little later, and
ROT. joined the rest of Blackburns team,
He went to his study, wrote out a who were putting in the time and trying
fresh copy, and pinned it up in place of to keep warm by running and passing
the old one. He had been early in and dropping desultory goals. But, with
coming down that morning, and the the exception of Fenn, who stood
majority of the Kayites had not seen the brooding by himself in the centre of the
defaced notice. The match was fixed field, wrapped to the eyes in a huge
for half-past four. At four a thin rain overcoat, and two other house prefects
was falling. The weather had been bad of Kays, who strolled up and down
for some days, but on this particular looking as if they wished they were in
afternoon it reached the limit. In their studies, there was no sign of the
addition to being wet, it was also cold, missing team.
and Kennedy, as he walked over to the I cant make it out, said Kennedy.
grounds, felt that he would be glad Youre sure you put up the right
when the game was over. He hoped time? asked Jimmy Silver.
that Blackburns would be punctual, Yes, quite.
and congratulated himself on his It certainly could not be said that
foresight in securing Mr Blackburn as Kays had had any room for doubt as to
referee. Some of the staff, when they the time of the match, for it had
consented to hold the whistle in a appeared in large figures on both
274 THE HEAD OF KAY'S
and leave him to settle it for himself. the man would probably reply by going
Jimmy Silver was more curious. He for me, assisted by the whole strength
took Kennedy off to tea in his study, sat of the company.
him down in the best chair in front of Well, dash it all then, all youve got
the fire, and proceeded to urge him to to do is to call a prefects meeting, and
confess everything. hell get ten times worse beans from
Now, then, whats it all about? he them than hed have got from you. Its
asked, briskly, spearing a muffin on the simple.
fork and beginning to toast. Kennedy stared into the fire
Its no good asking me, said pensively.
Kennedy. I suppose its a put-up job I dont know, he said. I bar that
to make me look a fool. I ought to have prefects meeting business. It always
known something of this kind would seems rather feeble to me, lugging in a
happen when I saw what they did to my lot of chaps to help settle some one you
first notice. cant manage yourself. I want to carry
What was that? this job through on my own.
Kennedy explained. Then youd better scrap with the
This is getting thrilling, said man.
Jimmy. Just pass that plate. Thanks. I think I will.
What are you going to do about it? Silver stared.
I dont know. What would you Dont be an ass, he said. I was
do? only rotting. You cant go fighting all
My dear chap, Id first find out who over the shop as if you were a fag.
was at the bottom of ittheres bound Youd lose your prefects cap if it came
to be one man who started the whole out.
thingand Id make it my aim in life to I could wear my topper, said
give him the warmest ten minutes hed Kennedy, with a grin. You see, he
ever had. added, Ive not much choice. I must
That sounds all right. But how do something. If I took no notice of this
would you set about it? business thered be no holding the
Why, touch him up, of course. house. I should be ragged to death. Its
What else would you do? Before the no good talking about it. Personally, I
whole house, too. should prefer touching the chap up to
Supposing he wouldnt be touched fighting him, and I shall try it on. But
up? hes not likely to meet me half-way.
Wouldnt be! Hed have to. And if he doesnt therell be an
You dont know Kays, Jimmy. interesting turn-up, and you shall hold
Youre thinking what youd do if this the watch. Ill send a kid round to fetch
had happened in Blackburns. The two you when things look like starting. I
things arent the same. Here the man must go now to interview my missing
would probably take it like a lamb. The men. So long. Mind you slip round
feeling of the house would be against directly I send for you.
him. Hed find nobody to back him up. Wait a second. Dont be in such a
Thats because Blackburns is a decent beastly hurry. Whos the chap youre
house instead of being a sink like going to fight?
Kays. If I tried the touching-up before I dont know yet. Walton, I should
the whole house game with our chaps, think. But I dont know.
276 THE HEAD OF KAY'S
down townwithout leave, by the way, What do you want with Silver.
but thats a detailat half-past five? Why wont Perry do?
All right, said Walton; better call Thanks, Im afraid Perrys time-
me a liar. keeping wouldnt be impartial enough.
Good suggestion, said Kennedy, Silver, I think, if you dont mind.
cheerfully; I will. Spencer was summoned once more,
Its all very well, said Walton. and despatched to Blackburns. He
You know jolly well you can say returned with Jimmy.
anything you like. I cant do anything Come in, Jimmy, said Kennedy.
to you. Youd have me up before the Run away, Spencer. Walton and I are
prefects. just going to settle a point of order
Not a bit of it. This is a private which has arisen, Jimmy. Will you
affair between ourselves. Im not going hold the watch? We ought just to have
to drag the prefects into it. You seem to time before tea.
want to make this house worse than it Where? asked Silver.
is. I want to make it more or less My dormitory would be the best
decent. We cant both have what we place. We can move the beds. Ill go
want. and get the keys.
There was a pause. Kennedys dormitory was the largest
When would it be convenient for in the house. After the beds had been
you to be touched up before the whole moved back, there was a space in the
house? inquired Kennedy, pleasantly. middle of fifteen feet one way, and
What? twelve the othernot a large ring, but
Well, you see, it seems the only large enough for two fighters who
thing. I must take it out of some one for meant business.
this house-match business, and you Walton took off his coat, waistcoat,
started it. Will tonight suit you, after and shirt. Kennedy, who was still in
supper? football clothes, removed his blazer.
Youll get it hot if you try to touch Half a second, said Jimmy Silver
me. what length rounds?
Well see. Two minutes? said Kennedy to
Youd funk taking me on in a Walton.
scrap, said Walton. All right, growled Walton.
Would I? As a matter of fact, a Two minutes, then, and half a
scrap would suit me just as well. minute in between.
Better. Are you ready now? Are you both ready? asked Jimmy,
Quite, thanks, sneered Walton. from his seat on the chest of drawers.
Ive knocked you out before, and Ill Kennedy and Walton advanced into
do it again. the middle of the impromptu ring.
Oh, then it was you that night at There was dead silence for a
camp? I thought so. I spotted your moment.
style. Hitting a chap when he wasnt Time! said Jimmy Silver.
ready, you know, and so on. Now, if
youll wait a minute, Ill send across to
Blackburns for Silver. I told him I
should probably want him as a time-
keeper tonight.
278 THE HEAD OF KAY'S
severalall violent. Kennedy went off and help him in his work, the
to his study to change, feeling that he combination would be irresistible. It
had advanced a long step on the thorny was impossible to make any leeway to
path that led to the Perfect House. speak of by himself. If Fenn would
only forget his grievances and join
forces with him, they could electrify the
FENN RECEIVES A house.
Fenn, however, showed no
LETTER inclination to do anything of the kind.
He and Kennedy never spoke to one
But the step was not such a very long
another now except when it was
one after all. What it amounted to was
absolutely unavoidable, and then they
simply this, that open rebellion ceased
behaved with that painful politeness in
in Kays. When Kennedy put up the list
which the public schoolman always
on the notice-board for the third time,
wraps himself as in a garment when
which he did on the morning following
dealing with a friend with whom he has
his encounter with Walton, and wrote
quarrelled.
on it that the match with Blackburns
On the Walton episode Fenn had
would take place that afternoon, his
made no comment, though it is probable
team turned out like lambs, and were
that he thought a good deal.
duly defeated by thirty-one points. He
It was while matters were in this
had to play a substitute for Walton, who
strained condition that Fenn received a
was rather too battered to be of any real
letter from his elder brother. This
use in the scrum; but, with that
brother had been at Eckleton in his time
exception, the team that entered the
School Houseand had left five
field was the same that should have
years before to go to Cambridge.
entered it the day before.
Cambridge had not taught him a great
But his labours in the Augean stables
deal, possibly because he did not meet
of Kays were by no means over.
the well-meant efforts of his tutor half-
Practically they had only begun. The
way. The net result of his three years at
state of the house now was exactly what
Kings wasimprimis, a cricket blue,
it had been under Fenn. When Kennedy
including a rather lucky eighty-three at
had taken over the reins, Kays had
Lords; secondly, a very poor degree;
become on the instant twice as bad as it
thirdly and lastly, a taste for literature
had been before. By his summary
and the dramahe had been a
treatment of the revolution, he had, so
prominent member of the Footlights
to speak, wiped off this deficit. What
Club. When he came down he looked
he had to do now was to begin to
about him for some occupation which
improve things. Kays was now in its
should combine in happy proportions a
normal stateslack, rowdy in an
small amount of work and a large
underhand way, and utterly useless to
amount of salary, and, finding none,
the school. It was up to Kennedy, as
drifted into journalism, at which calling
they say in America, to start in and
he had been doing very fairly ever
make something presentable and useful
since.
out of these unpromising materials.
Dear Bob, the letter began. Fenns
What annoyed him more than
names were Robert Mowbray, the
anything else was the knowledge that if
second of which he had spent much of
only Fenn chose to do the square thing
282 THE HEAD OF KAY'S
being no bed available in any of the being occupied by a wooden chair with
other dormitories, he had been put into three legs. On this seat his brother was
the spare room usually reserved for trying to balance himself, giving what
invalids whose invalidism was not of a part of his attention was not required for
sufficiently infectious kind to demand this feat to listening to some story the
their removal to the infirmary. As for fat man was telling him. Fenn had
getting back into the house, he would heard his deep voice booming as he
leave the window of his study went up the passage.
unfastened. He could easily climb on to His brother did the honours.
the window-ledge, and so to bed Glad to see you, glad to see you,
without let or hindrance. said Mr Higgs, for the fat man was none
The distance from Kays to the town other than that celebrity. Take a seat.
was a mile and a half. If he started at Fenn sat down on the chest and
the hour when he should have been promptly tore his trousers on a jagged
starting for the school house, he would piece of iron.
arrive just in time to see the curtain go These provincial dressing-rooms!
up. said Mr Higgs, by way of comment.
Having settled these facts definitely No room! Never any room! No
in his mind, he got his books together chairs! Nothing!
and went over to school. He spoke in short, quick sentences,
and gasped between each. Fenn said it
really didnt matterhe was quite
DOWN TOWN comfortable.
Havent they done anything about
Fenn arrived at the theatre a quarter it? asked Fenns brother, resuming the
of an hour before the curtain rose. conversation which Fenns entrance had
Going down a gloomy alley of the High interrupted. Weve been having a
Street, he found himself at the stage burglary here, he explained.
door, where he made inquiries of a Somebody got into the theatre last
depressed-looking man with a bad cold night through a window. I dont know
in the head as to the whereabouts of his what they expected to find.
brother. It seemed that he was with Mr Why, said Fenn, weve had a
Higgs. If he would wait, said the door- burglar up our way too. Chap broke
keeper, his name should be sent up. into the school house and went through
Fenn waited, while the door-keeper the old mans drawing-room. The
made polite conversation by describing school house men have been talking
his symptoms to him in a hoarse growl. about nothing else ever since. I wonder
Presently the minion who had been if its the same crew.
despatched to the upper regions with Mr Higgs turned in his chair, and
Fenns message returned. Would he go waved a stick of grease paint
upstairs, third door on the left. Fenn impressively to emphasise his point.
followed the instructions, and found There, he said. There! What Ive
himself in a small room, a third of been saying all along. No doubt of it.
which was filled by a huge iron-bound Organised gang. And what are the
chest, another third by a very stout man police doing? Nothing, sir, nothing.
and a dressing-table, while the rest of Making inquiries. Rot! Whats the
the space was comparatively empty, good of inquiries?
284 THE HEAD OF KAY'S
Fenns brother suggested mildly that with plays that had not managed to
inquiries were a good beginning. You attract London to any great extent, and
must start somehow. Mr Higgs scouted were trying to make up for failures in
the idea. the metropolis by long tours in the
There ought not to be any doubt, provinces. It was seldom that an actor
sir. They ought to know. To KNOW, of the Higgs type paid the town a visit,
he added, with firmness. and in a play, too, which had positively
At this point there filtered through never appeared before on any stage.
the closed doors the strains of the Eckleton appreciated the compliment.
opening chorus. Listen, said Fenns brother. Isnt
By Jove, its begun! said Fenns that just the part for him? Its just like
brother. Come on, Bob. he was in the dressing-room, eh? Short
Where are we going to? asked sentences and everything. The funny
Fenn, as he followed. The wings? part of it is that I didnt know the man
But it seemed that the rules of Mr when I wrote the play. It was all luck.
Higgs company prevented any outsider Mr Higgs performance sealed the
taking up his position in that desirable success of the piece. The house
quarter. The only place from which it laughed at everything he said. He sang
was possible to watch the performance, a song in his gasping way, and they
except by going to the front of the laughed still more. Fenns brother
house, was the flies, situated near the became incoherent with delight. The
roof of the building. verdict of Eckleton was hardly likely to
Fenn found all the pleasures of affect London theatre-goers, but it was
novelty in watching the players from very pleasant notwithstanding. Like
this lofty position. Judged by the cold every playwright with his first piece, he
light of reason, it was not the best place had been haunted by the idea that his
from which to see a play. It was dialogue would not act, that, however
possible to gain only a very humorous it might be to a reader, it
foreshortened view of the actors. But it would fall flat when spoken. There was
was a change after sitting in front. no doubt now as to whether the lines
The piece was progressing merrily. sounded well.
The gifted author, at first silent and At the beginning of the second act
pale, began now to show signs of the great Higgs was not on the stage,
gratification. Now and again he Fenns brother knowing enough of the
chuckled as some jeu de mots hit the game not to bring on his big man too
mark and drew a quick gust of laughter soon. He had not to enter for ten
from the unseen audience. minutes or so. The author, who had
Occasionally he would nudge Fenn to gone down to see him during the
draw his attention to some good bit of interval, stayed in the dressing-room.
dialogue which was approaching. He Fenn, however, who wanted to see all
was obviously enjoying himself. of the piece that he could, went up to
The advent of Mr Higgs completed the flies again.
his satisfaction, for the audience greeted It occurred to him when he got there
the comedian with roars of applause. that he would see more if he took the
As a rule Eckleton took its drama seat which his brother had been
through the medium of third-rate occupying. It would give him much the
touring companies, which came down same view of the stage, and a wider
DOWN TOWN 285
view of the audience. He thought it But he would have to get back to the
would be amusing to see how the house, and at once. With three of the
audience looked from the flies. staff, including his own house-master,
Mr W. S. Gilbert once wrote a poem ranging the town, things were a trifle
about a certain bishop who, while fond too warm for comfort. He wondered it
of amusing himself, objected to his had not occurred to him that, with a big
clergy doing likewise. And the attraction at the theatre, some of the
consequence was that whenever he did staff might feel an inclination to visit it.
so amuse himself, he was always He did not stop to say goodbye to his
haunted by a phantom curate, who brother. Descending from his perch, he
joined him in his pleasures, much to his hurried to the stage door.
dismay. On one occasion he stopped to Its in the toobs that I feel it, sir.
watch a Punch and Judy show, said the door-keeper, as he let him out,
And heard, as Punch was being resuming their conversation as if they
treated penally, had only just parted. Fenn hurried off
That phantom curate laughing all without waiting to hear more.
hyaenally. It was drizzling outside, and there
The disgust and panic of this was a fog. Not a London particular,
eminent cleric was as nothing compared but quite thick enough to make it
with that of Fenn, when, shifting to his difficult to see where one was going.
brothers seat, he got the first clear view People and vehicles passed him, vague
he had had of the audience. In a box to phantoms in the darkness. Occasionally
the left of the dress-circle sat, laughing the former collided with him. He began
all hyaenally, the following to wish he had not accepted his
distinguished visitors: brothers invitation. The unexpected
Mr Mulholland of No. 7 College sight of the three masters had shaken
Buildings. his nerve. Till then only the romantic,
Mr Raynes of No. 4 ditto, adventurous side of the expedition had
and struck him. Now the risks began to
Mr Kay. loom larger in his mind. It was all very
Fenn drew back like a flash, well, he felt, to think, as he had done,
knocking his chair over as he did so. that he would be expelled if found out,
Giddy, sir? said a stage hand, but that all the same he would risk it.
pleasantly. Bless you, lots of gents is Detection then had seemed a remote
like that when they comes up here. contingency. With three masters in the
Cant stand the eight, they cant. offing it became at least a possibility.
Youll be all right in a jiffy. The melancholy case of Peter Brown
Yes. Itit is rather high, isnt it? seemed to him now to have a more
said Fenn. Awful glare, too. personal significance for him.
He picked up his chair and sat down Wrapped in these reflections, he lost
well out of sight of the box. Had they his way.
seen him? he wondered. Then common He did not realise this for some
sense returned to him. They could not time. It was borne in upon him when
possibly have seen him. Apart from the road he was taking suddenly came
any other reasons, he had only been in to an abrupt end in a blank wall.
his brothers seat for half-a-dozen Instead of being, as he had fancied, in
seconds. No. He was all right so far. the High Street, he must have branched
286 THE HEAD OF KAY'S
off into some miserable blind alley. when somebody, walking unexpectedly
More than ever he wished he had not out of the corner house, stood directly
come. Eckleton was not a town that in his path. Fenn could not stop
took up a great deal of room on the map himself. He charged the man squarely,
of England, but it made up for small clutched him to save himself, and they
dimensions by the eccentricity with fell in a heap on the pavement.
which it had been laid out. On a dark
and foggy night, to one who knew little
of its geography, it was a perfect maze. WHAT HAPPENED TO
Fenn had wandered some way when
the sound of someone whistling a FENN
popular music-hall song came to him
Fenn was up first. Many years
through the gloom. He had never heard
experience of being tackled at full speed
anything more agreeable.
on the football field had taught him how
I say, he shouted at a venture, can
to fall. The stranger, whose football
you tell me the way to the High Street?
days, if he had ever had any, were long
The whistler stopped in the middle
past, had gone down with a crash, and
of a bar, and presently Fenn saw a
remained on the pavement, motionless.
figure sidling towards him in what
Fenn was conscious of an ignoble
struck him as a particularly furtive
impulse to fly without stopping to chat
manner.
about the matter. Then he was seized
Wots thet, gavnor?
with a gruesome fear that he had injured
Can you tell me where the High
the man seriously, which vanished
Street is? Ive lost my way.
when the stranger sat up. His first
The vague figure came closer.
words were hardly of the sort that one
Igh Street? Yus; yer go
would listen to from choice. His first
A hand shot out, Fenn felt a sharp
printable expression, which did not
wrench in the region of his waistcoat,
escape him until he had been speaking
and a moment later the stranger had
some time, was in the nature of an
vanished into the fog with the prefects
official bulletin.
watch and chain.
Youve broken my neck, said he.
Fenn forgot his desire to return to the
Fenn renewed his apologies and
High Street. He forgot everything
explanations.
except that he wished to catch the
Your watch! cried the man in a
fugitive, maltreat him, and retrieve his
high, cracked voice. Dont stand there
property. He tore in the direction
talking about your watch, but help me
whence came the patter of retreating
up. What do I care about your watch?
foot-steps.
Why dont you look where you are
There were moments when he
going to? Now then, now then, dont
thought he had him, when he could hear
hoist me as if I were a hod of bricks.
the sound of his breathing. But the fog
Thats right. Now help me indoors, and
was against him. Just as he was almost
go away.
on his mans heels, the fugitive turned
Fenn supported him while he walked
sharply into a street which was
lamely into the house. He was relieved
moderately well lighted. Fenn turned
to find that there was nothing more the
after him. He had just time to recognise
matter with him than a shaking and a
the street as his goal, the High Street,
few bruises.
WHAT HAPPENED TO FENN 287
Door on the left, said the injured have my cap. I left it on the table.
one. No reply.
Fenn led him down the passage and Fenn half thought of making a
into a small sitting-room. The gas was violent assault on the door. He
lit, and as he turned it up he saw that the refrained on reflecting that it would be
stranger was a man well advanced in useless. If he could break it open-
years. He had grey hair that was almost which, in all probability, he could not
white. His face was not a pleasant one. there would be trouble such as he had
It was a mass of lines and wrinkles from never come across in his life. He was
which a physiognomist would have not sure it would not be an offence for
deduced uncomplimentary conclusions which he would be rendered liable to
as to his character. Fenn had little skill fine or imprisonment. At any rate, it
in that way, but he felt that for some would mean the certain detection of his
reason he disliked the man, whose eyes, visit to the town. So he gave the thing
which were small and extraordinarily up, resolving to return on the morrow
bright, gave rather an eerie look to his and reopen negotiations. For the
face. present, what he had to do was to get
Go away, go away, he kept safely back to his house. He had lost
repeating savagely from his post on the his watch, his cap with his name in it
shabby sofa on which Fenn had was in the hands of an evil old man who
deposited him. evidently bore him a grudge, and he had
But are you all right? Cant I get to run the gauntlet of three house-
you something? asked the Eckletonian. masters and get to bed via a study-
Go away, go away, repeated the window. Few people, even after the
man. dullest of plays, have returned from the
Conversation on these lines could theatre so disgusted with everything as
never be really attractive. Fenn turned did Fenn. Reviewing the situation as he
to go. As he closed the door and began ran with long, easy strides over the road
to feel his way along the dark passage, that led to Kays, he found it devoid of
he heard the key turn in the lock behind any kind of comfort. Unless his
him. The man could not, he felt, have mission in quest of the cap should prove
been very badly hurt if he were able to successful, he was in a tight place.
get across the room so quickly. The It is just as well that the gift of
thought relieved him somewhat. second sight is accorded to but few. If
Nobody likes to have the maiming even Fenn could have known at this point
of the most complete stranger on his that his adventures were only
mind. The sensation of relief lasted beginning, that what had taken place
possibly three seconds. Then it flashed already was but as the overture to a
upon him that in the excitement of the drama, it is possible that he would have
late interview he had forgotten his cap. thrown up the sponge for good and all,
That damaging piece of evidence lay on entered Kays by way of the front door
the table in the sitting-room, and after knocking up the entire
between him and it was a locked door. householdand remarked, in answer to
He groped his way back, and his house-masters excited questions,
knocked. No sound came from the Enough! Enough! I am a victim of
room. Fate, a Toad beneath the Harrow. Sack
I say, he cried, you might let me me tomorrow, if you like, but for
288 THE HEAD OF KAY'S
goodness sake let me get quietly to bed had sought him out in his hiding-place,
now. and was evidently trying to intimate that
As it was, not being able to peep the best thing they could do now would
with security into futurity, he imagined be to make a regular night of it.
that the worst was over. Fenn, as I have said, liked and
He began to revise this opinion respected Thomas. In ordinary
immediately on turning in at Kays circumstances he would not have
gate. He had hardly got half-way down spoken an unfriendly word to him. But
the drive when the front door opened things were desperate now, and needed
and two indistinct figures came down remedies to match.
the steps. As they did so his foot Very softly he passed his hand down
slipped off the grass border on which he the delighted animals back until he
was running to deaden the noise of his reached his tail. Then, stifling with an
steps, and grated sharply on the gravel. effort all the finer feelings which should
Whats that? said a voice. The have made such an act impossible, he
speaker was Mr Kay. administered so vigorous a tweak to that
Whats what? replied a second appendage that Thomas, with one
voice which he recognised as Mr frenzied yowl, sprang through the bush
Mulhollands. past the two masters and vanished at
Didnt you hear a noise? full speed into the opposite hedge.
I heard the water lapping on the My goodness! said Mr Kay,
crag, replied Mr Mulholland, starting back.
poetically. It was a further shock to Fenn to find
It was over there, persisted Mr how close he was to the laurel.
Kay. I am certain I heard something Goodness me,
positively certain, Mulholland. And Why, what was that?
after that burglary at the school house Silent be,
It was the cat,
He began to move towards the spot chanted Mr Mulholland, who was in
where Fenn lay crouching behind a poetical vein after the theatre.
bush. Mr Mulholland followed, mildly It was a cat! gasped Mr Kay.
amused. They were a dozen yards away So I am disposed to imagine. What
when Fenn, debating in his mind lungs! We shall be having the
whether it would not be betteras it R.S.P.C.A. down on us if we arent
would certainly be more dignifiedfor careful. They must have heard that
him to rise and deliver himself up to noise at the headquarters of the Society,
justice instead of waiting to be wherever they are. Well, if your zeal
discovered wallowing in the damp grass for big game hunting is satisfied, and
behind a laurel bush, was aware of you dont propose to follow the vocalist
something soft and furry pressing through that hedge, I think I will be off.
against his knuckles. A soft purring Good night. Good piece, wasnt it?
sound reached his ears. Excellent. Good night,
He knew at once who it was- Mulholland.
Thomas Edward, the matrons cat, ever By the way, I wonder if the man
a staunch friend of his. Many a time who wrote it is a relation of our Fenn.
had they taken tea together in his study It may be his brotherI believe he
in happier days. The friendly animal writes. You probably remember him
WHAT HAPPENED TO FENN 289
latched. The sash had not merely into the dark room. He was not certain
stuck. He put all he knew into the effort which room it was, in spite of his
to raise it, but without a hint of success. lengthy residence at Kays.
After three attempts he climbed down He let himself down softly till his
again and, sitting on the garden-seat, foot touched the floor. After a
began to review his position. moments pause he moved forward a
If one has an active mind and a fair step. Then another. At the third step
degree of optimism, the effect of the his knee struck the leg of a table. He
staggerers administered by Fate must be in the dining-room. If so, he
passes off after a while. Fenn had both. was all right. He could find his way up
The consequence was that, after ten to his room with his eyes shut. It was
minutes of grey despair, he was relieved easy to find out for certain. The walls
by a faint hope that there might be some of the dining-room at Kays, as in the
other way into the house than through other houses, were covered with
his study. Anyhow, it would be worth photographs. He walked gingerly in the
while to investigate. direction in which he imagined the
His study was at the side of the nearest wall to be, reached it, and
house. At the back were the kitchen, passed his hand along it. Yes, there
the scullery, and the dining-room, and were photographs. Then all he had to
above these more studies and a couple do was to find the table again, make his
of dormitories. As a last resort he way along it, and when he got to the
might fling rocks and other solids at the end the door would be a yard or so to
windows until he woke somebody up. his left. The programme seemed simple
But he did not feel like trying this plan and attractive. But it was added to in a
until every other had failed. He had no manner which he had not foreseen.
desire to let a garrulous dormitory into Feeling his way back to the table, he
the secret of his wanderings. What he upset a chair. If he had upset a cart-
hoped was that he might find one of the load of coal on to a sheet of tin it could
lower windows open. not, so it seemed to him in the
And so he did. disordered state of his nerves, have
As he turned the corner of the house made more noise. It went down with an
he saw what he had been looking for. appalling crash, striking the table on its
The very first window was wide open. way. This, thought Fenn, savagely,
His spirits shot up, and for the first time as he waited, listening, is where I get
since he had left the theatre he was collared. What a fool I am to barge
conscious of taking a pleasure in his about like this.
adventurous career. Fate was with him He felt that the echoes of that crash
after all. He could not help smiling as must have penetrated to every corner of
he remembered how he had felt during the house. But no one came. Perhaps,
that ten minutes on the garden-seat, after all, the noise had not been so
when the future seemed blank and great. He proceeded on his journey
devoid of any comfort whatsoever. down the table, feeling every inch of the
And all the time he could have got in way. The place seemed one bristling
without an effort, if he had only thought mass of chairs. But, by the exercise of
of walking half a dozen yards. consummate caution, he upset no more
Now that the way was open to him, and won through at last in safety to the
he wasted no time. He climbed through door.
FENN HUNTS FOR HIMSELF 291
It was at this point that the really dark, Fenn might have slipped past in
lively and exciting part of his adventure safety; but the candle made that
began. Compared with what was to impossible.
follow, his evening had been up to the He found the boot-room door and
present dull and monotonous. slipped through just as Mr Kay turned
As he opened the door there was a the corner. With a thrill of pleasure he
sudden stir and crash at the other end of found that there was a key inside. He
the room. Fenn had upset one chair and turned it as quietly as he could, but
the noise had nearly deafened him. nevertheless it grated. Having done
Now chairs seemed to be falling in this, and seeing nothing else that he
dozens. Bang! Bang! Crash!! (two could do except await developments, he
that time). And then somebody shot sat down on the floor among the boots.
through the window like a harlequin It was not a dignified position for a man
and dashed away across the lawn. Fenn who had played for his county while
could hear his footsteps thudding on the still at school, but just then he would
soft turf. And at the same moment not have exchanged it for a throneif
other footsteps made themselves heard. the throne had been placed in the
Somebody was coming downstairs. passage or the dining-room.
Who is that? Is anybody there? The only question washad he been
It was Mr Kays voice, unmistakably seen or heard? He thought not; but his
nervous. Fenn darted from the door and heart began to beat furiously as the
across the passage. At the other side footsteps stopped outside the cupboard
was a boot-cupboard. It was his only door and unseen fingers rattled the
refuge in that direction. What he ought handle.
to have done was to leave the dining- Twice Mr Kay tried the handle, but,
room by the opposite door, which led finding the cupboard locked, passed on
via a corridor to the junior dayroom. into the dining-room. The light of the
But he lost his head, and instead of candle ceased to shine under the door,
bolting away from the enemy, went and Fenn was once more in inky
towards him. darkness.
The stairs down which Mr Kay was He listened intently. A minute later
approaching were at the end of the he had made his second mistake.
passage. To reach the dining-room one Instead of waiting, as he should have
turned to the right. Beyond the stairs on done, until Mr Kay had retired for good,
the left the passage ended in a wall, so he unlocked the door directly he had
that Mr Kay was bound to take the right passed, and when a muffled crash told
direction in the search. Fenn wondered him that the house-master was in the
if he had a pistol. Not that he cared dining-room among the chairs, out he
very much. If the house-master was came and fled softly upstairs towards
going to find him, it would be very little his bedroom. He thought that Mr Kay
extra discomfort to be shot at. And Mr might possibly take it into his head to
Kays talents as a marksman were in all go round the dormitories to make
probability limited to picking off sitting certain that all the members of his
haystacks. The important point was house were in. In which case all would
that he had a candle. A faint yellow be discovered.
glow preceded him down the stairs. When he reached his room he began
Playing hide-and-seek with him in the to fling off his clothes with feverish
292 THE HEAD OF KAY'S
haste. Once in bed all would be well. burglar has entered the house tonight, in
He had got out of his boots, his coat, spite of the fact that I locked all the
and his waistcoat, and was beginning to windows myself. Your study window
feel that electric sensation of triumph was unlocked, Fenn. It was extremely
which only conies to the man who just careless of you to leave it in such a
pulls through, when he heard Mr Kay condition, and I hope you will be more
coming down the corridor towards his careful in future. Why, somebody
room. The burglar-hunter, returning might have got in through it.
from the dining-room in the full belief Fenn thought it was not at all
that the miscreant had escaped through unlikely.
the open window, had had all his ardour Come along, then. I am sure the
for the chase redoubled by the sight of man is still in the house. He was hiding
the cupboard door, which Fenn in his in the cupboard by the dining-room. I
hurry had not remembered to close. Mr know it. I am sure he is still in the
Kay had made certain by two separate house.
trials that that door had been locked. But, in spite of the fact that Fenn
And now it was wide open. Ergo, the was equally sure, half an hours search
apostle of the jemmy and the skeleton failed to discover any lurking evil-doer.
key must still be in the house. Mr Kay, You had better go to bed, Fenn,
secure in the recollection that burglars said Mr Kay, disgustedly, at the end of
never show fight if they can possibly that period. He must have got back in
help it, determined to search the house. some extraordinary manner.
Fenn made up his mind swiftly. Yes, sir, agreed Fenn.
There was no time to finish dressing. He himself had certainly got back in
Mr Kay, peering round, might note the a very extraordinary manner.
absence of the rest of his clothes from However, he had got back, which
their accustomed pegs if he got into bed was the main point.
as he was. There was only one thing to
be done. He threw back the bed-
clothes, ruffled the sheets till the bed A VAIN QUEST
looked as if it had been slept in, and
opened the door just as Mr Kay reached After all he had gone through that
the threshold. night, it disturbed Fenn very little to
Anything the matter, sir? asked find on the following morning that the
Fenn, promptly. I heard a noise professional cracksman had gone off
downstairs. Can I help you? with one of the cups in his study.
Mr Kay looked carefully at the ex- Certainly, it was not as bad as it might
head of his house. Fenn was a finely- have been, for he had only abstracted
developed youth. He stood six feet, and one out of the half dozen that decorated
all of him that was not bone was the room. Fenn was a fine runner, and
muscle. A useful colleague to have by had won the sprint events at the
one in a hunt for a possibly ferocious sports for two years now.
burglar. The news of the burglary at Kays
So thought Mr Kay. soon spread about the school. Mr Kay
So you heard the noise? he said. mentioned it to Mr Mulholland, and Mr
Well, perhaps you had better come Mulholland discussed it at lunch with
with me. There is no doubt that a the prefects of his house. The juniors of
A VAIN QUEST 293
Kays were among the last to hear of it, perfect truth, to see two chaps like you
but when they did, they made the most making idiots of themselves over a
of it, to the disgust of the School House house like Kays. And its all your
fags, to whom the episode seemed in fault, too, he had added frankly. You
the nature of an infringement of know jolly well you arent playing the
copyright. Several spirited by-battles game. You ought to be backing
took place that day owing to this, and at Kennedy up all the time. Instead of
the lower end of the table of Kays which, you go about trying to look like
dining-room at tea that evening there a Christian martyr
could be seen many swollen I dont, said Fenn, indignantly.
countenances. All, however, wore Well, like a stuffed frog, thenits
pleased smiles. They had proved to the all the same to me. Its perfect rot. If
School House their right to have a Im walking with Kennedy, you stalk
burglary of their own if they liked. It past as if wed both got the plague or
was the first occasion since Kennedy something. And if Im with you,
had become head of the house that Kennedy suddenly remembers an
Kays had united in a common and appointment, and dashes off at a gallop
patriotic cause. in the opposite direction. If I had to
Directly afternoon school was over award the bronze medal for drivelling
that day, Fenn started for the town. The lunacy in this place, you would get it by
only thing that caused him any anxiety a narrow margin, and Kennedy would
now was the fear lest the cap which he be proxime, and honourably
had left in the house in the High Street mentioned. Silly idiots!
might rise up as evidence against him Dont stop, Jimmy. Keep it up,
later on. Except for that, he was safe. said Fenn, settling himself in his chair.
The headmaster had evidently not The dialogue was taking place in
remembered his absence from the Silvers study.
festive board, or he would have spoken My dear chap, you didnt think Id
to him on the subject before now. If he finished, surely! I was only trying to
could but recover the lost cap, all would find some description that would suit
be right with the world. Give him back you. But its no good. I cant. Look
that cap, and he would turn over a new here, take my advicethe advice, he
leaf with a rapidity and emphasis which added, in the melodramatic voice he
would lower the worlds record for that was in the habit of using whenever he
performance. He would be a reformed wished to conceal the fact that he was
character. He would even go to the speaking seriously, of an old man who
extent of calling a truce with Mr Kay, wishes ye both well. Go to Kennedy,
climbing down to Kennedy, and fling yourself on his chest, and say, We
offering him his services in his attempt have done those things which we ought
to lick the house into shape. not to have done No. As you were!
As a matter of fact, he had had this Compny, shun! Say J. Silver says
idea before. Jimmy Silver, who was in that I am a rotter. I am a worm. I have
the positioncommon at schoolof made an ass of myself. But I will be
being very friendly with two people good. Shake, pard! Thats what youve
who were not on speaking terms, had got to do. Come in.
been at him on the topic. And in had come Kennedy. The
Its rot, James had said, with attractions of Kays were small, and he
294 THE HEAD OF KAY'S
conversation. counter.
But the man refused to be drawn.
For all the reply Fenns knocking
produced, the house might have been THE GUILE OF WREN
empty. At last, having tired his wrist
and collected a small crowd of Young Wren did not quite know what to
Eckleton, who looked as if they make of this. Why had not Fenn said a
expected him to proceed to further word to him? There were one or two
efforts for their amusement, he gave it prefects in the school whom he might
up, and retired down the High Street have met even at such close quarters
with what dignity he could command and yet have cherished a hope that they
which, as he was followed for the had not seen him. Once he had run
first fifty yards by the silent but right into Drew, of the School House,
obviously expectant youths, was not a and escaped unrecognised. But with
great deal. Fenn it was different. Compared to
They left him, disappointed, near the Fenn, lynxes were astigmatic. He must
Town Hall, and Fenn continued on his have spotted him.
way alone. The window of the grocers There was a vein of philosophy in
shop, with its tins of preserved apricots Wrens composition. He felt that he
and pots of jam, recalled to his mind might just as well be hanged for a sheep
what he had forgotten, that the food at as a lamb. In other words, having been
Kays, though it might be wholesome caught down town without leave, he
(which he doubted), was undeniably might as well stay there and enjoy
plain, and, secondly, that he had run out himself a little while longer before
of jam. Now that he was here he might going back to be executed. So he
as well supply that deficiency. strolled off down the High Street,
Now it chanced that Master Wren, of bought a few things at a stationers, and
Kays, was down townwithout leave, wound up with an excellent tea at the
as was his habiton an errand of a very confectioners by the post-office.
similar nature. Walton had found that It was as he was going to this meal
he, like Fenn, lacked those luxuries of that Kennedy caught sight of him.
life which are so much more necessary Kennedy had come down town to visit
than necessities, and, being unable to go the local photographer, to whom he had
himself, owing to the unfortunate entrusted a fortnight before the pleasant
accident of being kept in by his form- task of taking his photograph. As he
master, had asked Wren to go for him. had heard nothing from him since, he
Wrens visit to the grocers was just was now coming to investigate. He
ending when Fenns began. entered the High Street as Wren was
They met in the doorway. turning into the confectioners, saw
Wren looked embarrassed, and him, and made a note of it for future
nearly dropped a pot of honey, which he reference.
secured low down after the manner of a When Wren returned to the house
catch in the slips. Fenn, on the other just before lock-up, he sought counsel
hand, took no notice of his fellow- of Walton.
Kayite, but walked on into the shop and I say, he said, as he handed over
began to inspect the tins of biscuits the honey he had saved so neatly from
which were stacked on the floor by the destruction, what would you do? Just
296 THE HEAD OF KAY'S
as I was coming out of the shop, I I didnt give you leave. Come up here
barged into Fenn. He must have after prayers tonight. Shut the door.
twigged me. Wren went down to consult Walton
Didnt he say anything? again. His attitude with regard to a
Not a word. I couldnt make it out, licking from the head of the house was
because he must have seen me. We much like that of the other fags.
werent a yard away from one another. Custom had, to a certain extent, inured
Its dark in the shop, suggested him to these painful interviews, but still,
Walton. if it was possible, he preferred to keep
Not at the door; which is where we out of them. Under Fenns rule he had
met. often found a tolerably thin excuse
Before Walton could find anything serve his need. Fenn had so many other
to say in reply to this, their conversation things to do that he was not unwilling to
was interrupted by Spencer. forego an occasional licking, if the
Kennedy wants you, Wren, said excuse was good enough. And he never
Spencer. Youd better buck up; hes in took the trouble to find out whether the
an awful wax. ingenious stories Wren was wont to
Next to Walton, the vindictive serve up to him were true or not.
Spencer objected most to Wren, and he Kennedy, Wren reflected
did not attempt to conceal the pleasure uncomfortably, had given signs that this
he felt in being the bearer of this easy-going method would not do for
ominous summons. him. Still, it might be possible to hunt
The group broke up. Wren went up some story that would meet the
disconsolately upstairs to Kennedys case. Walton had a gift in that
study; Walton smacked Spencers head direction.
more as a matter of form than He says Im to go to his study after
because he had done anything special to prayers, reported Wren. Cant you
annoy himand retired to the senior think of any excuse that would do?
dayroom; while Spencer, muttering Cant understand Fenn running you
darkly to himself, avoided a second in, said Walton. I thought he never
smack and took cover in the junior spoke to Kennedy.
room, where he consoled himself by Wren explained.
toasting a piece of india-rubber in the It wasnt Fenn who ran me in.
gas till it made the atmosphere painful Kennedy was down town, too, and
to breathe in, and recalling with twigged me going into Roses. I went
pleasure the condition Waltons face there and had tea after I got your things
had been in for the day or two following at the grocers.
his encounter with Kennedy in the Oh, he spotted you himself, did
dormitory. he? said Walton. And he doesnt
Kennedy was working when Wren know Fenn saw you?
knocked at his door. I dont think so.
He had not much time to spare on a Then Ive got a ripping idea. When
bounds-breaking fag; and his manner he has you up tonight, swear that you
was curt. got leave from Fenn to go down town.
I saw you going into Roses, in the But hell ask him.
High Street, this afternoon, Wren, he The odds are that he wont. He and
said, looking up from his Greek prose. Fenn had a row at the beginning of
THE GUILE OF WREN 297
term, and never speak to one another if It didnt, said Wren, briefly.
they can help it. Its ten to one that he Walton expressed an opinion that
will prefer taking your yarn to going Kennedy was a cad; which, however
and asking Fenn if its true or not. Then sound in itself, did little to improve the
hes bound to let you off. condition of Wren.
Wren admitted that the scheme was Having disposed of Wren, Kennedy
sound. sat down seriously to consider this new
At the conclusion of prayers, development of a difficult situation.
therefore, he went up again to Hitherto he had imagined Fenn to be
Kennedys study, with a more hopeful merely a sort of passive resister who
air than he had worn on his previous confined himself to the Achilles-in-his-
visit. tent business, and was only a nuisance
Come in, said Kennedy, reaching because he refused to back him up. To
for the swagger-stick which he was find him actually aiding and abetting
accustomed to use at these ceremonies. the house in its opposition to its head
Please, Kennedy, said Wren, was something of a shock. And yet, if
glibly. I did get leave to go down he had given Wren leave to go down
town this afternoon. town, he had probably done the same
What! kind office by others. It irritated
Wren repeated the assertion. Kennedy more than the most overt act
Who gave you leave? of enmity would have done. It was not
Fenn. good form. It was hitting below the
The thing did not seem to be belt. There was, of course, the chance
working properly. When he said the that Wrens story had not been true.
word Fenn, Wren expected to see But he did not build much on that. He
Kennedy retire baffled, conscious that did not yet know his Wren well, and
there was nothing more to be said or believed that such an audacious lie
done. Instead of this, the remark would be beyond the daring of a fag.
appeared to infuriate him. But it would be worth while to make
Its just like your beastly cheek, he inquiries. He went down the passage to
said, glaring at the red-headed Fenns study. Fenn, however, had gone
delinquent, to ask Fenn for leave to bed, so he resolved to approach him
instead of me. You know perfectly well on the subject next day. There was no
that only the head of the house can give hurry.
leave to go down town. I dont know He went to his dormitory, feeling
how often you and the rest of the junior very bitter towards Fenn, and rehearsing
dayroom have played this game, but its home truths with which to confound
going to stop now. Youd better him on the morrow.
remember another time when you want
to go to Roses that Ive got to be
consulted first. JIMMY THE
With which he proceeded to ensure
to the best of his ability that the PEACEMAKER
memory of Master Wren should not
In these hustling times it is not
again prove treacherous in this respect.
always easy to get ten minutes
How did it work? asked Walton,
conversation with an acquaintance in
when Wren returned.
private. There was drill in the dinner
298 THE HEAD OF KAY'S
hour next day for the corps, to which was thinking of putting his kettle on for
Kennedy had to go directly after lunch. tea, when there was a knock at the door.
It did not end till afternoon school It was Baker, Jimmy Silvers fag.
began. When afternoon school was Oh, Kennedy, he said, Silver
over, he had to turn out and practise says, if you arent doing anything
scrummaging with the first fifteen, in special, will you go over to his study to
view of an important school match tea?
which was coming off on the following Why, is there anything on?
Saturday. Kennedy had not yet It struck him as curious that Jimmy
received his cap, but he was playing should take the trouble to send his fag
regularly for the first fifteen, and was over to Kays with a formal invitation.
generally looked upon as a certainty for As a rule the head of Blackburns kept
one of the last places in the team. Fenn, open house. His friends were given to
being a three-quarter, had not to understand that they could drop in
participate in this practice. While the whenever they liked. Kennedy looked
forwards were scrummaging on the in for tea three times a week on an
second fifteen ground, the outsides ran average.
and passed on the first fifteen ground I dont think so, said Baker.
over at the other end of the field. Who else is going to be there?
Fenns training for the day finished Jimmy Silver sometimes took it into
earlier than Kennedys, the captain of his head to entertain weird beings from
the Eckleton fifteen, who led the scrum, other houses whose brothers or cousins
not being satisfied with the way in he had met in the holidays. On such
which the forwards wheeled. He kept occasions he liked to have some trusty
them for a quarter of an hour after the friend by him to help the conversation
outsides had done their days work, and along. It struck Kennedy that this might
when Kennedy got back to the house be one of those occasions. If so, he
and went to Fenns study, the latter was would send back a polite but firm
not there. He had evidently changed refusal of the invitation. Last time he
and gone out again, for his football had gone to help Jimmy entertain a
clothes were lying in a heap in a corner guest of this kind, conversation had
of the room. Going back to his own come to a dead standstill a quarter of an
study, he met Spencer. hour after his arrival, the guest refusing
Have you seen Fenn? he asked. to do anything except eat prodigiously,
No, said the fag. He hasnt come and reply Yes or No, as the
in. question might demand, when spoken
Hes come in all right, but hes to. Also he had declined to stir from his
gone out again. Go and ask Taylor if he seat till a quarter to seven. Kennedy
knows where he is. was not going to be let in for another
Taylor was Fenns fag. orgy of that nature if he knew it.
Spencer went to the junior dayroom, Whos with Silver? he asked.
and returned with the information that Only Fenn, said Baker.
Taylor did not know. Kennedy pondered for a moment.
Oh, all right, thenit doesnt All right, he said, at last, tell him
matter, said Kennedy, and went into Ill be round in a few minutes.
his study to change. He sat thinking the thing over after
He had completed this operation, and Baker had gone back to Blackburns
JIMMY THE PEACEMAKER 299
with the message. He saw Silvers No you arent, said Silver. You
game, of course. Jimmy had made no bustle about and make yourself useful,
secret for some time of his disgust at the and dont talk rot. Youll find your cup
coolness between Kennedy and Fenn. on that shelf over there, Kennedy. Itll
Not knowing all the circumstances, he want a wipe round. Better use the
considered it absolute folly. If only he table-cloth.
could get the two together over a quiet There was silence in the study until
pot of tea, he imagined that it would not tea was ready. Then Jimmy Silver
be a difficult task to act effectively as a spoke.
peacemaker. Long time since we three had tea
Kennedy was sorry for Jimmy. He together, he said, addressing the
appreciated his feelings in the matter. remark to the teapot.
He would not have liked it himself if his Kennedys a busy man, said Fenn,
two best friends had been at daggers suavely. Hes got a house to look
drawn. Still, he could not bring himself after.
to treat Fenn as if nothing had And Im going to look after it, said
happened, simply to oblige Silver. Kennedy, as youll find.
There had been a time when he might Jimmy Silver put in a plaintive
have done it, but now that Fenn had protest.
started a deliberate campaign against I wish you two men wouldnt talk
him by giving Wrenand probably, shop, he said. Its bad enough having
thought Kennedy, half the other fags in Kays next door to one, without your
the houseleave down town when he dragging it into the conversation. How
ought to have sent them on to him, were the forwards this evening,
things had gone too far. However, he Kennedy?
could do no harm by going over to Not bad, said Kennedy, shortly.
Jimmys to tea, even if Fenn was there. I wonder if we shall lick
He had not looked to interview Fenn Tuppenham on Saturday?
before an audience, but if that audience I dont know, said Kennedy; and
consisted only of Jimmy, it would not there was silence again.
matter so much. Look here, Jimmy, said Kennedy,
His advent surprised Fenn. The after a long pause, during which the
astute James, fancying that if he head of Blackburns tried to fill up the
mentioned that he was expecting blank in the conversation by toasting a
Kennedy to tea, Fenn would make a piece of bread in a way which was
bolt for it, had said nothing about it. intended to suggest that if he were not
When Kennedy arrived there was so busy, the talk would be unchecked
one of those awkward pauses which are and animated, its no good. We must
so difficult to fill up in a satisfactory have it out some time, so it may as well
manner. be here as anywhere else. Ive been
Now youre up, Fenn, said Jimmy, looking for Fenn all day.
as the latter rose, evidently with the Sorry to give you all that trouble,
intention of leaving the study, you said Fenn, with a sneer. Got
might as well reach down that toasting- something important to say?
fork and make some toast. Yes.
Im afraid I must be off now, Go ahead, then.
Jimmy, said Fenn. Jimmy Silver stood between them
300 THE HEAD OF KAY'S
with the toasting-fork in his hand, as if wasted a lot of valuable time pointing
he meant to plunge it into the one who out to them with a swagger-stickthat I
first showed symptoms of flying at the was the wrong person to come to. Im
others throat. He was unhappy. His sorry you should have thought I could
peace-making tea-party was not proving play it as low down as that.
a success. Kennedy hesitated. It is not very
I wanted to ask you, said Kennedy, pleasant to have to climb down after
quietly, what you meant by giving the starting a conversation in a stormy and
fags leave down town when you knew wrathful vein. But it had to be done.
that they ought to come to me? Im sorry, Fenn, he said; I was an
The gentle and intelligent reader will idiot.
remember (though that miserable worm, Jimmy Silver cut in again.
the vapid and irreflective reader, will You were, he said, with
have forgotten) that at the beginning of enthusiasm. You both were. I used to
the term the fags of Kays had think Fenn was a bigger idiot than you,
endeavoured to show their approval of but now Im inclined to call it a dead
Fenn and their disapproval of Kennedy heat. Whats the good of going on
by applying to the former for leave trying to see which of you can make the
when they wished to go to the town; bigger fool of himself? Youve both
and that Fenn had received them in the lowered all previous records.
most ungrateful manner with blows I suppose we have, said Fenn. At
instead of exeats. Strong in this least, I have.
recollection, he was not disturbed by No, I have, said Kennedy.
Kennedys question. Indeed, it gave You both have, said Jimmy
him a comfortable feeling of rectitude. Silver. Another cup of tea, anybody?
There is nothing more pleasant than to Say when.
be accused to your face of something Fenn and Kennedy walked back to
which you can deny on the spot with an Kays together, and tea-d together in
easy conscience. It is like getting a Fenns study on the following
very loose ball at cricket. Fenn felt afternoon, to the amazementand even
almost friendly towards Kennedy. scandalof Master Spencer, who
I meant nothing, he replied, for discovered them at it. Spencer liked
the simple reason that I didnt do it. excitement; and with the two leaders of
I caught Wren down town the house at logger-heads, things could
yesterday, and he said you had given never be really dull. If, as appearances
him leave. seemed to suggest, they had agreed to
Then he lied, and I hope you licked settle their differences, life would
him. become monotonous againpossibly
There you are, you see, broke in even unpleasant.
Jimmy Silver triumphantly, its all a This thought flashed through
misunderstanding. You two have got Spencers brain (as he called it) when
no right to be cutting one another. Why he opened Fenns door and found him
on earth cant you stop all this rot, and helping Kennedy to tea.
behave like decent members of society Oh, the headmaster wants to see
again? you, please, Fenn, said Spencer,
As a matter of fact, said Fenn, recovering from his amazement, and
they did try it on earlier in the term. I told me to give you this.
JIMMY THE PEACEMAKER 301
This was a prefects cap. Fenn himself, with a yawn. It never struck
recognised it without difficulty. It was him that Fenn could be in any serious
the cap he had left in the sitting-room of trouble. Fenn was a prefect; and when
the house in the High Street. the headmaster sent for a prefect, it was
generally to tell him that he had got a
split infinitive in his English Essay that
IN WHICH AN EPISODE week.
Glad Im not you, he added, as a
IS CLOSED gust of wind rattled the sash, and the
rain dashed against the pane. Beastly
Thanks, said Fenn.
evening to have to go out.
He stood twirling the cap round in
It isnt the rain I mind, said Fenn;
his hand as Spencer closed the door.
its whats going to happen when I get
Then he threw it on to the table. He did
indoors again, and refused to explain
not feel particularly disturbed at the
further. There would be plenty of time
thought of the interview that was to
to tell Kennedy the whole story when
come. He had been expecting the cap to
he returned. It was better not to keep
turn up, like the corpse of Eugene
the headmaster waiting.
Arams victim, at some inconvenient
The first thing he noticed on
moment. It was a pity that it had come
reaching the School House was the
just as things looked as if they might be
strange demeanour of the butler.
made more or less tolerable in Kays.
Whenever Fenn had had occasion to
He had been looking forward with a
call on the headmaster hitherto, Watson
grim pleasure to the sensation that
had admitted him with the air of a high
would be caused in the house when it
priest leading a devotee to a shrine of
became known that he and Kennedy
which he was the sole managing
had formed a combine for its moral and
director. This evening he seemed
physical benefit. But that was all over.
restless, excited.
He would be sacked, beyond a doubt.
Good evening, Mr Fenn, he said.
In the history of Eckleton, as far as he
This way, sir.
knew it, there had never been a case of
Those were his actual words. Fenn
a fellow breaking out at night and not
had not known for certain until now that
being expelled when he was caught. It
he could talk. On previous occasions
was one of the cardinal sins in the
their conversations had been limited to
school code. There had been the case
an Is the headmaster in? from Fenn,
of Peter Brown, which his brother had
and a stately inclination of the head
mentioned in his letter. And in his own
from Watson. The man was getting a
time he had seen three men vanish from
positive babbler.
Eckleton for the same offence. He did
With an eager, springy step, distantly
not flatter himself that his record at the
reminiscent of a shopwalker heading a
school was so good as to make it likely
procession of customers, with a touch
that the authorities would stretch a point
of the style of the winner in a walking-
in his favour.
race to Brighton, the once slow-moving
So long, Kennedy, he said.
butler led the way to the headmasters
Youll be here when I get back, I
study.
suppose?
For the first time since he started out,
What does he want you for, do you
Fenn was conscious of a tremor. There
think? asked Kennedy, stretching
302 THE HEAD OF KAY'S
is something about a closed door, Your cap was returned with the rest of
behind which somebody is waiting to the stolen property.
receive one, which appeals to the Just so, thought Fenn. The rest of
imagination, especially if the ensuing the stolen property? Exactly. Go on.
meeting is likely to be an unpleasant Dont mind me. I shall begin to
one. understand soon, I suppose.
Ah, Fenn, said the headmaster. He condensed these thoughts into the
Come in. verbal reply, Yes, sir.
Fenn wondered. It was not in this I sent for you to identify your own
tone of voice that the Head was wont to property. I see there is a silver cup
begin a conversation which was going belonging to you. Perhaps there are
to prove painful. also other articles. Go and see. You
Youve got your cap, Fenn? I gave will find them on that table. They are in
it to a small boy in your house to take to a hopeless state of confusion, having
you. been conveyed here in a sack.
Yes, sir. Fortunately, nothing is broken.
He had given up all hope of He was thinking of certain valuables
understanding the Heads line of belonging to himself which had been
action. Unless he was playing a deep abstracted from his drawing-room on
game, and intended to flash out the occasion of the burglars visit to the
suddenly with a keen question which it School House.
would be impossible to parry, there Fenn crossed the room, and began to
seemed nothing to account for the inspect the table indicated. On it was as
strange absence of anything unusual in mixed a collection of valuable and
his manner. He referred to the cap as if useless articles as one could wish to
he had borrowed it from Fenn, and had see. He saw his cup at once, and
returned it by bearer, hoping that its loss attached himself to it. But of all the
had not inconvenienced him at all. other exhibits in this private collection,
I daresay, continued the Head, he could recognise nothing else as his
that you are wondering how it came property.
into my possession. You missed it, of There is nothing of mine here
course? except the cup, sir, he said.
Very much, sir, said Fenn, with Ah. Then that is all, I think. You
perfect truth. are going back to Mr Kays. Then
It has just been brought to my please send Kennedy to me. Good
house, together with a great many other night, Fenn.
things, more valuable, perhaps,here Good night, sir.
he smiled a head-magisterial smile- Even now Fenn could not understand
by a policeman from Eckleton. it. The more he thought it over, the
Fenn was still unequal to the more his brain reeled. He could grasp
intellectual pressure of the the fact that his cap and his cup were
conversation. He could understand, in a safe again, and that there was evidently
vague way, that for some unexplained going to be no sacking for the moment.
reason things were going well for him, But how it had all happened, and how
but beyond that his mind was in a whirl. the police had got hold of his cap, and
You will remember the unfortunate why they had returned it with the loot
burglary of Mr Kays house and mine. gathered in by the burglar who had
IN WHICH AN EPISODE IS CLOSED 303
things he rags me about, and we have Oh, I dont know. Itll be a fluke if
an even shilling on, each week, that he we do. Still, were hoping. It isnt
will beat the record of the previous every house thats got a county man in
week. At first I used to get the shilling it. But were breaking out in another
if he lowered the record; but after a bit place. Dont let it get about, for
it struck us that it wasnt fair, so now goodness sake, but were going for the
we take it on alternate weeks. This is sports cup.
my week, by the way. I think I can Hope youll get it. Blackburns
trouble you for that bob, Fenn? wont have a chance, anyhow, and I
I wish I could make it more, said should like to see somebody get it away
Fenn, handing over the shilling. from the School House. Theyve had it
What sort of things does he rag you much too long. Theyre beginning to
about generally? inquired Silver. look on it as their right. But who are
Fenn produced a slip of paper. your men?
Here are a few, he said, for this Well, Fenn ought to be a cert for
month. He came in on the 10th because the hundred and the quarter, to start
he found two kids fighting. Kennedy with.
was down town when it happened, but But the School House must get the
that made no difference. Then he long run, and the mile, and the half, too,
caught the senior dayroom making a probably.
row of some sort. He said it was Yes. We havent anyone to beat
perfectly deafening; but we couldnt Milligan, certainly. But there are the
hear it in our studies. I believe he goes second and third places. Dont forget
round the house, listening at keyholes. those. Thats where were going to
That was on the 16th. On the 22nd he have a look in. Theres all sorts of
found a chap in Kennedys dormitory unsuspected talent in Kays. To look at
wandering about the house at one in the Peel, for instance, you wouldnt think
morning. He seemed to think that he could do the hundred in eleven,
Kennedy ought to have sat up all night would you? Well, he can, only hes
on the chance of somebody cutting out been too slack to go in for the race at
of the dormitory. At any rate, he ragged the sports, because it meant training. I
him. I won the weekly shilling on that; had him up here and reasoned with him,
and deserved it, too. and hes promised to do his best.
Fenn had to go over to the Eleven is good enough for second place
gymnasium shortly after this. Jimmy in the hundred, dont you think? There
Silver stayed on, talking to Kennedy. are lots of others in the house who can
And bar Kay, said Jimmy, how do quite decently on the track, if they
do you find the house doing? Any try. Ive been making strict inquiries.
better? Kays are hot stuff, Jimmy. Heap big
Better! Its getting a sort of model medicine. Thats what they are.
establishment. I believe, if we keep Youre a wonderful man,
pegging away at them, we may win Kennedy, said Jimmy Silver. And he
some sort of a cup sooner or later. meant it. Kennedys uphill fight at
Well, Kays very nearly won the Kays had appealed to him strongly. He
cricket cup last year. You ought to get himself had never known what it meant
it next season, now that you and Fenn to have to manage a hostile house. He
are both in the team. had stepped into his predecessors shoes
306 THE HEAD OF KAY'S
at Blackburns much as the heir to a seen that Kays was gradually pulling
throne becomes king. Nobody had itself together. It had been asleep for
thought of disputing his right to the years. It was now waking up.
place. He was next man in; so, directly When the winter term ended, there
the departure of the previous head of were distinct symptoms of an outbreak
Blackburns left a vacancy, he stepped of public spirit in the house.
into it, and the machinery of the house The Easter term opened auspiciously
had gone on as smoothly as if there had in one way. Neither Walton nor Perry
been no change at all. But Kennedy had returned. The former had been snapped
gone in against a slack and antagonistic up in the middle of the holidaysto his
house, with weak prefects to help him, enormous disgustby a bank, which
and a fussy house-master; and he had wanted his services so much that it was
fought them all for a term, and looked prepared to pay him 40 pounds a year
like winning. Jimmy admired his friend simply to enter the addresses of its
with a fervour which nothing on earth outgoing letters in a book, and post
would have tempted him to reveal. them when he had completed this
Like most people with a sense of ceremony. After a spell of this he
humour, he had a fear of appearing might hope to be transferred to another
ridiculous, and he hid his real feelings sphere of bank life and thought, and at
as completely as he was able. the end of his first year he might even
How is the footer getting on? hope for a rise in his salary of ten
inquired Jimmy, remembering the pounds, if his conduct was good, and he
difficulties Kennedy had encountered had not been late on more than twenty
earlier in the term in connection with mornings in the year. I am aware that
his house team. in a properly-regulated story of school-
Its better, said Kennedy. life Walton would have gone to the
Keener, at any rate. We shall do our Eckleton races, returned in a state of
best in the house-matches. But we speechless intoxication, and been
arent a good team. summarily expelled; but facts are facts,
Any more trouble about your being and must not be tampered with. The
captain instead of Fenn? ingenious but not industrious Perry had
No. We both sign the lists now. been superannuated. For three years he
Fenn didnt want to, but I thought it had been in the Lower Fourth.
would be a good idea, so we tried it. It Probably the master of that form went
seems to have worked all right. to the Head, and said that his
Of course, your getting your first constitution would not stand another
has probably made a difference. year of him, and that either he or Perry
A bit, perhaps. must go. So Perry had departed. Like a
Well, I hope you wont get the poor play, he had failed to attract, and
footer cup, because I want it for was withdrawn. There was also another
Blackburns. Or the cricket cup. I want departure of an even more momentous
that, too. But you can have the sports nature.
cup with my blessing. Mr Kay had left Eckleton.
Thanks, said Kennedy. Its very Kennedy was no longer head of
generous of you. Kays. He was now head of Dencrofts.
Dont mention it, said Jimmy. Mr Dencroft was one of the most
From which conversation it will be popular masters in the school. He was a
KAYS CHANGES ITS NAME 307
Kennedy had discovered in his search twenty-four points. Kays, they would
for athletes, had to be put in the pack on feel, always had got beaten, and they
account of his weight, which deprived always would, to the end of time. A
the three-quarter line of what would house that has once got thoroughly
have been a good man in that position. slack does not change its views of life
It was a drawback, too, that Fenn was in a moment.
accustomed to play on the wing. To be Kennedy acted craftily.
of real service, a wing three-quarter You played jolly well, he told his
must be fed by his centres, and, despondent team, as they trooped off
unfortunately, there was no centre in the field. We havent got together yet,
Kaysor Dencrofts, as it should now thats all. And it was a hot side we
be calledwho was capable of making were playing today. They would have
openings enough to give Fenn a licked Blackburns.
chance. So he had to play in the centre, A good deal more in the same strain
where he did not know the game so gave the house team the comfortable
well. feeling that they had done uncommonly
Kennedy realised at an early date well to get beaten by only twenty-four
that the one chance of the house was to points. Kennedy fostered the delusion,
get together before the house-matches and in the meantime arranged with Mr
and play as a coherent team, not as a Dencroft to collect fifteen innocents and
collection of units. Combination will lead them forth to be slaughtered by the
often make up for lack of speed in a house on the following Friday. Mr
three-quarter line. So twice a week Dencroft entered into the thing with a
Dencrofts turned out against scratch relish. When he showed Kennedy the
teams of varying strength. list of his team on the Friday morning,
It delighted Kennedy to watch their that diplomatist chuckled. He foresaw a
improvement. The first side they good time in the near future. You
played ran through them to the tune of must play up like the dickens, he told
three goals and four tries to a try, and it the house during the dinner-hour.
took all the efforts of the Head of the Dencroft is bringing a hot lot this
house to keep a spirit of pessimism afternoon. But I think we shall lick
from spreading in the ranks. Another them.
frost of this sort, and the sprouting They did. When the whistle blew for
keenness of the house would be nipped No-side, the house had just finished
in the bud. He conducted himself with scoring its fourteenth try. Six goals and
much tact. Another captain might have eight tries to nil was the exact total.
made the fatal error of trying to stir his Dencrofts returned to headquarters,
team up with pungent abuse. He asking itself in a dazed way if these
realised what a mistake this would be. things could be. They saw that cup on
It did not need a great deal of their mantelpiece already. Keenness
discouragement to send the house back redoubled. Football became the fashion
to its old slack ways. Another such in Dencrofts. The play of the team
defeat, following immediately in the improved weekly. And its spirit
footsteps of the first, and they would improved too. The next scratch team
begin to ask themselves what was the they played beat them by a goal and a
good of mortifying the flesh simply to try to a goal. Dencrofts was not
get a licking from a scratch team by depressed. It put the result down to a
THE HOUSE-MATCHES 309
fluke. Then they beat another side by a explanation was that they had improved
try to nothing; and by that time they had to an enormous extent.
got going as an organised team, and Then people began to remember that
their heart was in the thing. they had played in scratch games
They had improved out of all against the house. There seemed to be a
knowledge when the house-matches tremendous number of fellows who had
began. Blairs was the lucky house that done this. At one time or another, it
drew against them in the first round. seemed, half the School had opposed
Good business, said the men of Dencrofts in the ranks of a scratch
Blair. Wonder who well play in the side. It began to dawn on Eckleton that
second round. in an unostentatious way Dencrofts had
They left the field marvelling. For been putting in about seven times as
some unaccountable reason, Dencrofts much practice as any other three houses
had flatly refused to act in the good old rolled together. No wonder they
way as a doormat for their opponents. combined so well.
Instead, they had played with a dash When the School House, with three
and knowledge of the game which for first fifteen men in its team, fell before
the first quarter of an hour quite them, the reputation of Dencrofts was
unnerved Blairs. In that quarter of an established. It had reached the final,
hour they scored three times, and and only Blackburns stood now
finished the game with two goals and between it and the cup.
three tries to their name. All this while Blackburns had been
The School looked on it as a huge doing what was expected of them by
joke. Heard the latest? friends would beating each of their opponents with
say on meeting one another the day great ease. There was nothing
after the game. KaysI mean sensational about this as there was in
Dencroftshave won a match. They the case of Dencrofts. The latter were,
simply sat on Blairs. First time theyve therefore, favourites when the two
ever won a house-match, I should teams lined up against one another in
think. Blairs are awfully sick. We the final. The School felt that a house
shall have to be looking out. that had had such a meteoric flight as
Whereat the friend would grin Dencrofts mustby all that was
broadly. The idea of Dencrofts making dramaticcarry the thing through to its
a game of it with his house tickled him. obvious conclusion, and pull off the
When Dencrofts took fifteen points final.
off Mulhollands, the joke began to lose But Fenn and Kennedy were not so
its humour. hopeful. A certain amount of science, a
Why, they must be some good, great deal of keenness, and excellent
said the public, startled at the novelty of condition, had carried them through the
the idea. If they win another match, other rounds in rare style, but, though
theyll be in the final! they would probably give a good
Kays in the final! Cricket? Oh, account of themselves, nobody who
yes, they had got into the final at considered the two teams impartially
cricket, of course. But that wasnt the could help seeing that Dencrofts was a
house. It was Fenn. Footer was weaker side than Blackburns. Nothing
different. One man couldnt do but great good luck could bring them
everything there. The only possible out victorious today.
310 THE HEAD OF KAY'S
And so it proved. Dencrofts played Thus, Gays, who never by any chance
up for all they were worth from the survived the first two rounds of the
kick-off to the final solo on the whistle, cricket and football housers, invariably
but they were over-matched. won the shooting shield. All the other
Blackburns scrum was too heavy for houses sent their brace of men to the
them, with its three first fifteen men and range to see what they could do, but
two seconds. Dencrofts pack were every year it was the same. A pair of
shoved off the ball time after time, and weedy obscurities from Gays would
it was only keen tackling that kept the take the shield by a comfortable
score down. By half-time Blackburns margin. In the same way Mulhollands
were a couple of tries ahead. Fenn had only won the cricket cup once since
scored soon after the interval with a they had become a house, but they had
great run from his own twenty-five, and carried off the swimming cup three
for a quarter of an hour it looked as if it years in succession, and six years in all
might be anybodys game. Kennedy out of the last eight. The sports had
converted the try, so that Blackburns always been looked on as the perquisite
only led by a single point. A fluky kick of the School House; and this year, with
or a mistake on the part of a Milligan to win the long distances, and
Blackburnite outside might give Maybury the high jump and the weight,
Dencrofts the cup. there did not seem much doubt at their
But the Blackburn outsides did not success. These two alone would pile up
make mistakes. They played a strong, fifteen points. Three points were given
sure game, and the forwards fed them for a win, two for second place, and one
well. Ten minutes before No-side, for third. It was this that encouraged
Jimmy Silver ran in, increasing the lead Kennedy in the hope that Dencrofts
to six points. And though Dencrofts might have a chance. Nobody in the
never went to pieces, and continued to house could beat Milligan or Maybury,
show fight to the very end, Blackburns but the School House second and third
were not to be denied, and Challis strings were not so invincible. If
scored a final try in the corner. Dencrofts, by means of second and
Blackburns won the cup by the third places in the long races and the
comfortable, but not excessive, margin other events which were certainties for
of a goal and three tries to a goal. their opponents, could hold the School
Dencrofts had lost the cup; but they House, Fenns sprinting might just give
had lost it well. Their credit had them the cup. In the meantime they
increased in spite of the defeat. trained hard, but in an unobtrusive
I thought we shouldnt be able to fashion which aroused no fear in School
manage Blackburns, said Kennedy, House circles.
What we must do now is win that The sports were fixed for the last
sports cup. Saturday of term, but not all the races
were run on that day. The half-mile
came off on the previous Thursday, and
THE SPORTS the long steeplechase on the Monday
after.
There were certain houses at The School House won the half-
Eckleton which had, as it were, mile, as they were expected to do.
specialised in certain competitions. Milligan led from the start, increased
THE SPORTS 311
his lead at the end of the first lap, eleven points to the School Houses
doubled it half-way through the second, three.
and finally, with a dazzling sprint in the Its all right, said the School
last seventy yards, lowered the Eckleton House, our spot events havent come
record by a second and three-fifths, and off yet. Dencrofts cant get much more
gave his house three points. Kennedy, now.
who stuck gamely to his man for half And, to prove that they were right,
the first lap, was beaten on the tape by the gap between the two scores began
Crake, of Mulhollands. When sports gradually to be filled up. Dencrofts
day came, therefore, the score was struggled hard, but the School House
School House three points, total crept up and up. Maybury brought
Mulhollands two, Dencrofts one. The it to six by winning the high jump. This
success of Mulhollands in the half was was only what had been expected of
to the advantage of Dencrofts. him. The discomforting part of the
Mulhollands was not likely to score business was that the other two places
many more points, and a place to them were filled by Morrell, of Mulhollands,
meant one or two points less to the and Smith, of Dalys. And when,
School House. immediately afterwards, Maybury won
The sports opened all in favour of the weight, with another School House
Dencrofts, but those who knew drew man second, leaving Dencrofts with
no great consolation from this. School third place only, things began to look
sports always begin with the sprints, black for the latter. They were now
and these were Dencrofts certainties. only one point ahead, and there was the
Fenn won the hundred yards as easily as mile to come: and Milligan could give
Milligan had won the half. Peel was any Dencroftian a hundred yards at that
second, and a Beddells man got third distance.
place. So that Dencrofts had now six But to balance the mile there was the
points to their rivals three. Ten quarter, and in the mile Kennedy
minutes later they had increased their contrived to beat Crake by much the
lead by winning the first two places at same number of feet as Crake had
throwing the cricket ball, Fenns throw beaten him by in the half. The scores of
beating Kennedys by ten yards, and the two houses were now level, and a
Kennedys being a few feet in front of goodly number of the School House
Jimmy Silvers, which, by gaining third certainties were past.
place, represented the only point Dencrofts forged ahead again by
Blackburns managed to amass during virtue of the quarter-mile. Fenn won it;
the afternoon. Peel was second; and a dark horse from
It now began to dawn upon the Dennys got in third. With the greater
School House that their supremacy was part of the sports over, and a lead of
seriously threatened. Dencrofts, by its five points to their name, Dencrofts
success in the football competition, had could feel more comfortable. The
to a great extent lived down the hurdle-race was productive of some
reputation the house had acquired when discomfort. Fenn should have won it,
it had been Kays, but even now the as being blessed with twice the pace of
notion of its winning a cup seemed any of his opponents. But Maybury, the
somehow vaguely improper. But the jumper, made up for lack of pace by the
fact had to be faced that it now led by scientific way in which he took his
312 THE HEAD OF KAY'S
hurdles, and won off him by a couple of break down over one of the hedges or
feet. Smith, Dencrofts second string, the brook. Theres no telling.
finished third, thus leaving the totals Kennedy felt that such a remote
unaltered by the race. possibility was something of a broken
By this time the public had become reed to lean on. He had no expectation
alive to the fact that Dencrofts were of beating the School House long
making a great fight for the cup. They distance runner, but he hoped for
had noticed that Dencrofts colours second place; and second place would
always seemed to be coming in near the mean the cup, for there was nobody to
head of the procession, but the School beat either himself or Crake.
House had made the cup so much their The distance of the long run was as
own, that it took some time for the nearly as possible five miles. The
school to realise that another house- course was across country to the village
especially the late Kayswas running of Ledby in a sort of semicircle of three
them hard for first place. Then, just and a half miles, and then back to the
before the hurdle-race, fellows with school gates by road. Every
correct cards hastily totted up the Eckletonian who ran at all knew the
points each house had won up-to-date. route by heart. It was the recognised
To the general amazement it was found training run if you wanted to train
that, while the School House had particularly hard. If you did not, you
fourteen, Dencrofts had reached took a shorter spin. At the milestone
nineteen, and, barring the long run to be nearest the schoolit was about half a
decided on the Monday, there was mile from the gatesa good number of
nothing now that the School House fellows used to wait to see the first of
must win without dispute. the runners and pace their men home.
A house that will persist in winning But, as a rule, there were few really hot
a cup year after year has to pay for it finishes in the long run. The man who
when challenged by a rival. Dencrofts got to Ledby first generally kept the
instantly became warm favourites. advantage, and came in a long way
Whenever Dencrofts brown and gold ahead of the field.
appeared at the scratch, the school On this occasion the close fight
shouted for it wildly till the event was Kennedy and Crake had had in the mile
over. By the end of the day the totals and the half, added to the fact that
were more nearly even, but Dencrofts Kennedy had only to get second place
were still ahead. They had lost on the to give Dencrofts the cup, lent a greater
long jump, but not unexpectedly. The interest to the race than usual. The
totals at the finish were, School House crowd at the milestone was double the
twenty-three, Dencrofts twenty-five. size of the one in the previous year,
Everything now depended on the long when Milligan had won for the first
run. time. And when, amidst howls of
We might do it, said Kennedy to delight from the School House, the
Fenn, as they changed. Milligans a same runner ran past the stone with his
cert for three points, of course, but if we long, effortless stride, before any of the
can only get two we win the cup. others were in sight, the crowd settled
Theres one thing about the long down breathlessly to watch for the
run, said Fenn; you never quite know second man.
whats going to happen. Milligan might Then a yell, to which the other had
THE SPORTS 313
been nothing, burst from the School and he had diminished Crakes lead by
House as a white figure turned the a third. Twenty yards from the gates,
corner. It was Crake. Waddling rather and he was only half-a-dozen yards
than running, and breathing in gasps; behind.
but still Crake. He toiled past the Crake looked round again, and this
crowd at the milestone. time did what he had nearly done
By Jove, he looks bad, said before. His legs gave way; he rolled
someone. over; and there he remained, with the
And, indeed, he looked very bad. School House watching him in silent
But he was ahead of Kennedy. That dismay, while Kennedy went on and
was the great thing. pitched in a heap on the other side of
He had passed the stone by thirty the gates.
yards, when the cheering broke out *****
again. Kennedy this time, in great Feeling bad? said Jimmy Silver,
straits, but in better shape than Crake. looking in that evening to make
Dencrofts in a body trotted along at the inquiries.
side of the road, shouting as they went. Im feeling good, said Kennedy.
Crake, hearing the shouts, looked That the cup? asked Jimmy.
round, almost fell, and then pulled Kennedy took the huge cup from the
himself together and staggered on table.
again. There were only a hundred yards Thats it. Milligan has just brought
to go now, and the school gates were in it round. Well, they cant say they
sight at the end of a long lane of havent had their fair share of it. Look
spectators. They looked to Kennedy here. School House. School House.
like two thick, black hedges. He could School House. School House. Dalys.
not sprint, though a hundred voices School House. Dennys. School
were shouting to him to do so. It was as House. School House. Ad infinitum.
much as he could do to keep moving. They regarded the trophy in silence.
Only his will enabled him to run now. First pot the house has won, said
He meant to get to the gates, if he had Kennedy at length. The very first.
to crawl. It wont be the last, returned
The hundred yards dwindled to fifty, Jimmy Silver, with decision.
314 THE WHITE FEATHER
[Dedication]
To
MY BROTHER DICK
The time of this story is a year and a term later than that of The Gold
Bat. The history of Wrykyn in between these two books is dealt with
in a number of short stories, some of them brainy in the extreme,
which have appeared in various magazines. I wanted Messrs Black
to publish these, but they were light on their feet and kept awaya
painful exhibition of the White Feather.
P. G. Wodehouse
316 THE WHITE FEATHER
CONTENTS
I EXPERT OPINIONS
II SHEEN AT HOME
III SHEEN RECEIVES VISITORS AND ADVICE
IV THE BETTER PART OF VALOUR
V THE WHITE FEATHER
VI ALBERT REDIVIVUS
VII MR JOE BEVAN
VIII A NAVAL BATTLE AND ITS CONSEQUENCES
IX SHEEN BEGINS HIS EDUCATION
X SHEENS PROGRESS
XI A SMALL INCIDENT
XII DUNSTABLE AND LINTON GO UP THE RIVER
XIII DEUS EX MACHINA
XIV A SKIRMISH
XV THE ROUT AT RIPTON
XVI DRUMMOND GOES INTO RETIREMENT
XVII SEYMOURS ONE SUCCESS
XVIII MR BEVAN MAKES A SUGGESTION
XIX PAVING THE WAY
XX SHEEN GOES TO ALDERSHOT
XXI A GOOD START
XXII A GOOD FINISH
XXIII A SURPRISE FOR SEYMOURS
XXIV BRUCE EXPLAINS
EXPERT OPINIONS 317
football, both the Ripton matches had You see chaps who wouldnt have been
been won, and also three out of the four in the third in a good year walking
other school matches. In cricket the about in first fifteen blazers, and first
eleven had had an even finer record, fifteen scarves, and first fifteen
winning all their school matches, and stockings, and sweaters with first fifteen
likewise beating the M.C.C. and Old colours round the edges. I wonder they
Wrykinians. It was too early to dont tattoo their faces with first fifteen
prophesy concerning the fortunes of colours.
next terms cricket team, but, if they It would improve some of them,
were going to resemble the fifteen, said Clowes.
Wrykyn was doomed to the worst Allardyce resumed his melancholy
athletic year it had experienced for a remarks. But, as I was saying, its not
decade. only that the footers rotten. That you
Its a bit of a come-down after last cant help, I suppose. Its the general
season, isnt it? resumed Allardyce, beastliness of things that I bar. Rows
returning to his sorrows. It was a relief with the town, for instance. Weve
to him to discuss his painful case been having them on and off ever since
without restraint. you left. And itll be worse now,
We were a fine team last year, because theres an election coming off
agreed Clowes, and especially strong soon. Are you fellows stopping for the
on the left wing. By the way, I see night in the town? If so, I should advise
youve moved Barry across. you to look out for yourselves.
Yes. Attell cant pass much, but he Thanks, said Clowes. I shouldnt
passes better from right to left than like to see Trevor sand-bagged. Nor
from left to right; so, Barry being our indeed, should Ifor choicecare to
scoring man, I shifted him across. The be sand-bagged myself. But, as it
chap on the other wing, Stanning, isnt happens, the good Donaldson is putting
bad at times. Do you remember him? us up, so we escape the perils of the
Hes in Applebys. Then Drummonds town.
useful at half. Everybody seems so beastly slack
Jolly useful, said Trevor. I now, continued Allardyce. Its
thought he would be. I recommended considered the thing. Youre looked on
you last year to keep your eye on him. as an awful blood if you say you
Decent chap, Drummond, said havent done a stroke of work for a
Clowes. week. I shouldnt mind that so much if
About the only one there is left in they were some good at anything. But
the place, observed Allardyce they cant do a thing. The footers
gloomily. rotten, the gymnasium six is made up of
Our genial host, said Clowes, kids an inch highwe shall probably be
sawing at the cake, appears to have about ninetieth at the Public Schools
that tired feeling. He seems to have lost Competitionand there isnt any one
that joie de vivre of his, what? who can play racquets for nuts. The
It must be pretty sickening, said only thing that Wrykynll do this year is
Trevor sympathetically. Im glad I to get the Light-Weights at Aldershot.
wasnt captain in a bad year. Drummond ought to manage that. He
The rummy thing is that the worse won the Feathers last time. Hes nearly
they are, the more side they stick on. a stone heavier now, and awfully good.
EXPERT OPINIONS 319
But hes the only man we shall send up, school just now, agreed Mr Seymour.
I expect. Now that OHara and They dont play themselves out. They
Moriarty are both gone, hes the only dont put just that last ounce into their
chap we have whos up to Aldershot work which makes all the difference.
form. And nobody elsell take the Clowes thought of saying that, to
trouble to practice. Theyre all too judge by appearances, they did not put
slack. in even the first ounce; but refrained.
In fact, said Clowes, getting up, However low an opinion a games
as was only to be expected, the school master may haveand even express-
started going to the dogs directly I left. of his team, he does not like people to
We shall have to be pushing on now, agree too cordially with his criticisms.
Allardyce. We promised to look in on Allardyce seems rather sick about
Seymour before we went to bed. Friend it, said Trevor.
let us away. I am sorry for Allardyce. It is
Good night, said Allardyce. always unpleasant to be the only
What you want, said Clowes survivor of an exceptionally good team.
solemnly, is a liver pill. You are He cant forget last years matches, and
looking on life too gloomily. Take a suffers continual disappointments
pill. Let there be no stint. Take two. because the present team does not play
Then we shall hear your merry laugh up to the same form.
ringing through the old cloisters once He was saying something about
more. Buck up and be a bright and rows with the town, said Trevor, after
happy lad, Allardyce. a pause.
Take more than a pill to make me Yes, there has certainly been some
that, growled that soured footballer. unpleasantness lately. It is the penalty
Mr Seymours views on the school we pay for being on the outskirts of a
resembled those of Allardyce. Wrykyn, town. Four years out of five nothing
in his opinion, was suffering from a happens. But in the fifth, when the
reaction. school has got a little out of hand
Its always the same, he said, Oh, then it really has got out of
after a very good year. Boys leave, hand? asked Clowes.
and its hard to fill their places. I must Between ourselves, yes, admitted
say I did not expect quite such a Mr Seymour.
clearing out after the summer. We have What sort of rows? asked Trevor.
had bad luck in that way. Maurice, for Mr Seymour couldnt explain
instance, and Robinson both ought to exactly. Nothing, as it were, definite-
have had another year at school. It was as yet. No actual complaints so far.
quite unexpected, their leaving. They But stillwell, troubleyes, trouble.
would have made all the difference to For instance, he said, a boy in my
the forwards. You must have house, Lintonyou remember him?-
somebody to lead the pack who has had is moving in society at this moment
a little experience of first fifteen with a swollen lip and minus a front
matches. tooth. Of course, I know nothing about
But even then said Clowes, they it, but I fancy he got into trouble in the
oughtnt to be so rank as they were this town. That is merely a straw which
afternoon. They seemed such slackers. shows how the wind is blowing, but if
Im afraid thats the failing of the you lived on the spot you would see
320 THE WHITE FEATHER
more what I mean. There is trouble in Its later than I thought, said Mr
the air. And now that this election is Seymour. Good night, Clowes. How
coming on, I should not wonder if many tries was it that you scored this
things came to a head. I cant afternoon? Five? I wish you were still
remember a single election in Wrykyn here, to score them for instead of
when there was not disorder in the against us. Good night, Trevor. I was
town. And if the school is going to join glad to see they tried you for Oxford,
in, as it probably will, I shall not be though you didnt get your blue. Youll
sorry when the holidays come. I know be in next year all right. Good night.
the headmaster is only waiting for an The two Old Wrykinians walked
excuse to put the town out of bounds. along the road towards Donaldsons. It
But the kids have always had a few was a fine night, but misty.
rows on with that school in the High Jove, Im quite tired, said Clowes.
Streetwhats its nameSt Hullo!
Something? said Clowes. Whats up?
Judes, supplied Trevor. They were opposite Applebys at the
St Judes! said Mr Seymour. moment. Clowes drew him into the
Have they? I didnt know that. shadow of the fence.
Oh yes. I dont know how it Theres a chap breaking out. I saw
started, but its been going on for two or him shinning down a rope. Lets wait,
three years now. Its a School House and see who it is.
feud really, but Dexters are mixed up A moment later somebody ran softly
in it somehow. If a School House fag through the gateway and disappeared
goes down town he runs like an down the road that led to the town.
antelope along the High Street, unless Who was it? said Trevor. I
hes got one or two friends with him. I couldnt see.
saved dozens of kids from destruction I spotted him all right. It was that
when I was at school. The St Judes chap who was marking me today,
fellows lie in wait, and dash out on Stanning. Wonder what hes after.
them. I used to find School House fags Perhaps hes gone to tar the statue, like
fighting for their lives in back alleys. OHara. Rather a sportsman.
The enemy fled on my approach. My Rather a silly idiot, said Trevor. I
air of majesty overawed them. hope he gets caught.
But a junior school feud matters You always were one of those kind
very little, said Mr Seymour. You sympathetic chaps, said Clowes.
say it has been going on for three years; Come on, or Donaldsonll be locking
and I have never heard of it till now. It us out.
is when the bigger fellows get mixed up SHEEN AT HOME
with the town that we have to interfere.
I wish the headmaster would put the On the afternoon following the
place out of bounds entirely until the Oxford A match, Sheen, of Seymours,
election is over. Except at election was sitting over the gas-stove in his
time, the town seems to go to sleep. study with a Thucydides. He had been
Thats what we ought to be doing, staying in that day with a cold. He was
said Clowes to Trevor. I think we had always staying in. Everyone has his
better be off now, sir. We promised Mr hobby. That was Sheens.
Donaldson to be in some time tonight. Nobody at Wrykyn, even at
SHEEN AT HOME 321
Seymours, seemed to know Sheen very class Stanning and Attell belonged. It
well, with the exception of Drummond; was plain to all that the former was the
and those who troubled to think about leading member of the firm. A glance
the matter at all rather wondered what at the latter was enough to show that,
Drummond saw in him. To the whatever ambitions he may have had in
superficial observer the two had nothing the direction of villainy, he had not the
in common. Drummond was good at brains necessary for really satisfactory
gameshe was in the first fifteen and evildoing. As for Stanning, he pursued
the second eleven, and had won the an even course of life, always rigidly
Feather Weights at Aldershotand obeying the eleventh commandment,
seemed to have no interests outside thou shalt not be found out. This kept
them. Sheen, on the other hand, played him from collisions with the authorities;
fives for the house, and that was all. He while a ready tongue and an excellent
was bad at cricket, and had given up knowledge of the art of boxinghe
football by special arrangement with was, after Drummond, the best Light-
Allardyce, on the plea that he wanted all Weight in the placesecured him at
his time for work. He was in for an in- least tolerance at the hand of the
school scholarship, the Gotford. school: and, as a matter of fact, though
Allardyce, though professing small most of those who knew him disliked
sympathy with such a degraded him, and particularly those who, like
ambition, had given him a special Drummond, were what Clowes had
dispensation, and since then Sheen had called the Old Brigade, he had,
retired from public life even more than nevertheless, a tolerably large
he had done hitherto. The examination following. A first fifteen man, even in a
for the Gotford was to come off towards bad year, can generally find boys
the end of the term. anxious to be seen about with him.
The only other Wrykinians with That Sheen should have been
whom Sheen was known to be friendly amongst these surprised one or two
were Stanning and Attell, of people, notably Mr Seymour, who,
Applebys. And here those who being games master had come a good
troubled to think about it wondered still deal into contact with Stanning, and had
more, for Sheen, whatever his other not been favourably impressed. The
demerits, was not of the type of fact was that the keynote of Sheens
Stanning and Attell. There are certain character was a fear of giving offence.
members of every public school, just as Within limits this is not a reprehensible
there are certain members of every trait in a persons character, but Sheen
college at the universities, who are overdid it, and it frequently complicated
marked men. They have never been his affairs. There come times when one
detected in any glaring breach of the has to choose which of two people one
rules, and their manner towards the shall offend. By acting in one way, we
powers that be is, as a rule, suave, even offend A. By acting in the opposite
deferential. Yet it is one of the things way, we annoy B. Sheen had found
which everybody knows, that they are himself faced by this problem when he
in the black books of the authorities, began to be friendly with Drummond.
and that sooner or later, in the Their acquaintance, begun over a game
picturesque phrase of the New Yorker, of fives, had progressed. Sheen
they will get it in the neck. To this admired Drummond, as the type of
322 THE WHITE FEATHER
what he would have liked to have been, embarrassment. Since the advent of
if he could have managed it. And Drummond he had avoided Stanning,
Drummond felt interested in Sheen and he could not see him without
because nobody knew much about him. feeling uncomfortable. As they were
He was, in a way, mysterious. Also, he both in the sixth form, and sat within a
played the piano really well; and couple of yards of one another every
Drummond at that time would have day, it will be realised that he was
courted anybody who could play for his frequently uncomfortable.
benefit Mumblin Mose, and didnt Great Scott! said Stanning,
mind obliging with unlimited encores. swotting?
So the two struck up an alliance, and Sheen glanced almost guiltily at his
as Drummond hated Stanning only a Thucydides. Still, it was something of a
shade less than Stanning hated him, relief that the other had not opened the
Sheen was under the painful necessity conversation with an indictment of
of choosing between them. He chose Drummond.
Drummond. Whereby he undoubtedly You see, he said apologetically,
did wisely. Im in for the Gotford.
Sheen sat with his Thucydides over So am I. Whats the good of
the gas-stove, and tried to interest swotting, though? Im not going to do a
himself in the doings of the Athenian stroke.
expedition at Syracuse. His brain felt As Stanning was the only one of his
heavy and flabby. He realised dimly rivals of whom he had any real fear,
that this was because he took too little Sheen might have replied with justice
exercise, and he made a resolution to that, if that was the case, the more he
diminish his hours of work per diem by swotted the better. But he said nothing.
one, and to devote that one to fives. He He looked at the stove, and dogs-eared
would mention it to Drummond when the Thucydides.
he came in. He would probably come What a worm you are, always
in to tea. The board was spread in staying in! said Stanning.
anticipation of a visit from him. I caught a cold watching the match
Herbert, the boot-boy, had been yesterday.
despatched to the town earlier in the Youre as flabby as Stanning
afternoon, and had returned with certain looked round for a simile, as a dough-
food-stuffs which were now stacked in nut. Why dont you take some
an appetising heap on the table. exercise?
Sheen was just making something Im going to play fives, I think. I
more or less like sense out of an do need some exercise.
involved passage of Nikias speech, in Fives? Why dont you play
which that eminent general himself footer?
seemed to have only a hazy idea of I havent time. I want to work.
what he was talking about, when the What rot. Im not doing a stroke.
door opened. Stanning seemed to derive a spiritual
He looked up, expecting to see pride from this admission.
Drummond, but it was Stanning. He Tell you what, then, said Stanning,
felt instantly that warm shooting Ill play you tomorrow after school.
sensation from which David Sheen looked a shade more
Copperfield suffered in moments of uncomfortable, but he made an effort,
SHEEN AT HOME 323
worth trying. Smith in our house got a could do the thing in such style.
tea out of him that way last term. Dunstable, apparently, was worried
Coming, Menzies? by no scruples. He leaned back easily
Not much. I hope he kicks you in his chair, and kept up a bright flow of
out. conversation.
Come on, then, Linton. If Menzies Youre not looking well, Sheen, he
cares to chuck away a square meal, let said. You ought to take more
him. exercise. Why dont you come down
Thus, no sooner had the door of town with us one of these days and do a
Sheens study closed upon Stanning bit of canvassing? Its a rag. Linton
than it was opened again to admit lost a tooth at it the other day. Were
Linton and Dunstable. going down on Saturday to do a bit
Well, said Linton, affably, here more.
we are. Oh! said Sheen, politely.
Hope were not late, said We shall get one or two more chaps
Dunstable. You said somewhere about to help next time. It isnt good enough,
five. Its just struck. Shall we start? only us two. We had four great beefy
He stooped, and took the kettle from hooligans on to us when Linton got his
the stove. tooth knocked out. We had to run.
Dont you bother, he said to Theres a regular gang of them going
Sheen, who had watched this about the town, now that the elections
manoeuvre with an air of amazement, on. A red-headed fellow, who looks
Ill do all the dirty work. like a butcher, seems to boss the show.
But began Sheen. They call him Albert. Hell have to be
Thats all right, said Dunstable slain one of these days, for the credit of
soothingly. I like it. the school. I should like to get
The intellectual pressure of the affair Drummond on to him.
was too much for Sheen. He could not I was expecting Drummond to tea,
recollect having invited Linton, with said Sheen.
whom he had exchanged only about a Hes running and passing with the
dozen words that term, much less fifteen, said Linton. He ought to be
Dunstable, whom he merely knew by in soon. Why, here he is. Hullo,
sight. Yet here they were, behaving Drummond!
like honoured guests. It was plain that Hullo! said the newcomer, looking
there was a misunderstanding at his two fellow-visitors as if he were
somewhere, but he shrank from surprised to see them there.
grappling with it. He did not want to How were the First? asked
hurt their feelings. It would be Dunstable.
awkward enough if they discovered Oh, rotten. Any tea left?
their mistake for themselves. Conversation flagged from this
So he exerted himself nervously to point, and shortly afterwards Dunstable
play the host, and the first twinge of and Linton went.
remorse which Linton felt came when Come and tea with me some time,
Sheen pressed upon him a bag of said Linton.
biscuits which, he knew, could not have Oh, thanks, said Sheen. Thanks
cost less than one and sixpence a awfully.
pound. His heart warmed to one who It was rather a shame, said Linton
326 THE WHITE FEATHER
eyes. Sheen babbled on. difference between the view one takes
The old man might not likesixth of things when one is walking briskly,
form, you seeoughtnt we to? and that which comes when one thinks
There was a yell of triumph from the the thing over coldly. As he sat there,
town army as the red-haired Albert, the wall of defence which he had built
plunging through the fray, sent Barry up slipped away brick by brick, and
staggering against the wall. Sheen there was the fact staring at him,
caught a glimpse of Alberts grinning without covering or disguise.
face as he turned. He had a cut over It was no good arguing against
one eye. It bled. himself. No amount of argument could
Come on, said Drummond, wipe away the truth. He had been
beginning to run to the scene of action. afraid, and had shown it. And he had
Sheen paused for a moment shown it when, in a sense, he was
irresolutely. Then he walked rapidly in representing the school, when Wrykyn
the opposite direction. looked to him to help it keep its end up
THE WHITE FEATHER against the town.
The more he reflected, the more he
It was not until he had reached his saw how far-reaching were the
study that Sheen thoroughly realised consequences of that failure in the hour
what he had done. All the way home he of need. He had disgraced himself. He
had been defending himself eloquently had disgraced Seymours. He had
against an imaginary accuser; and he disgraced the school. He was an
had built up a very sound, thoughtful, outcast.
and logical series of arguments to show This mood, the natural reaction from
that he was not only not to blame for his first glow of almost jaunty self-
what he had done, but had acted in righteousness, lasted till the lock-up bell
highly statesmanlike and praiseworthy rang, when it was succeeded by
manner. After all, he was in the sixth. another. This time he took a more
Not a prefect, it was true, but, still, reasonable view of the affair. It
practically a prefect. The headmaster occurred to him that there was a chance
disliked unpleasantness between school that his defection had passed unnoticed.
and town, much more so between the Nothing could make his case seem
sixth form of the school and the town. better in his own eyes, but it might be
Therefore, he had done his duty in that the thing would end there. The
refusing to be drawn into a fight with house might not have lost credit.
Albert and friends. Besides, why An overwhelming curiosity seized
should he be expected to join in him to find out how it had all ended.
whenever he saw a couple of fellows The ten minutes of grace which
fighting? It wasnt reasonable. It was followed the ringing of the lock-up bell
no business of his. Why, it was absurd. had passed. Drummond and the rest
He had no quarrel with those fellows. It must be back by now.
wasnt cowardice. It was simply that he He went down the passage to
had kept his head better than Drummonds study. Somebody was
Drummond, and seen further into the inside. He could hear him.
matter. Besides.... He knocked at the door.
But when he sat down in his chair, Drummond was sitting at the table
this mood changed. There is a vast reading. He looked up, and there was a
THE WHITE FEATHER 331
You ought to ask him. you look a wreck, dont you!I say,
I have. He says he was alone. whats all this about your house?
Well, that settles it. What an ass What about my house?
you are. If Drummond doesnt know, Funking, and all that. Sheen, you
who does? know. Stanning has just been telling
I believe hes simply hushing it me.
up. Then he saw him, too! exclaimed
Well, let us hush it up, too. Its no Linton, involuntarily.
good bothering about it. We licked Oh, its true, then? Did he really
them all right. cut off like that? Stanning said he did,
But its such a beastly thing for the but I wouldnt believe him at first. You
house. arent going? Good night.
Then why the dickens do you want So the thing was out. Linton had not
it to get about? Surely the best thing counted on Stanning having seen what
you can do is to dry up and say nothing he and Dunstable had seen. It was
about it. impossible to hush it up now. The
But something ought to be done. scutcheon of Seymours was definitely
Whats the good of troubling about blotted. The name of the house was
a man like Sheen? He never was any being held up to scorn in Applebys
good, and this doesnt make him very probably everywhere else as well. It
much worse. Besides, hell probably be was a nuisance, thought Linton, but it
sick enough on his own account. I could not be helped. After all, it was a
know I should, if Id done it. And, judgment on the house for harbouring
anyway, we dont know that he did do such a specimen as Sheen.
it. In Seymours there was tumult and
Im certain he did. I could swear it an impromptu indignation meeting.
was him. Stanning had gone to work
Anyhow, for goodness sake let the scientifically. From the moment that,
thing drop. ducking under the guard of a sturdy
All right. But I shall cut him. town youth, he had caught sight of
Well, that would be punishment Sheen retreating from the fray, he had
enough for anybody, whatever hed grasped the fact that here, ready-made,
done. Fancy existence without your was his chance of working off his
bright conversation. It doesnt bear grudge against him. All he had to do
thinking of. You do look a freak with was to spread the news abroad, and the
that eye and that lump on your school would do the rest. On his return
forehead. You ought to wear a mask. from the town he had mentioned the
That ear of yours, said Linton with facts of the case to one or two of the
satisfaction, will be about three times more garrulous members of his house,
its ordinary size tomorrow. And it and they had passed it on to everybody
always was too large. Good night. they met during the interval in the
On his way back to Seymours middle of preparation. By the end of
Mason of Applebys, who was standing preparation half the school knew what
at his house gate imbibing fresh air, had happened.
preparatory to going to bed, accosted Seymours was furious. The senior
him. day-room to a man condemned Sheen.
I say, Linton, he said, hullo, The junior day-room was crimson in the
THE WHITE FEATHER 333
depositing their bodies in a reservoir, from their earliest beginnings the public
one may gain, we are told, much schools have meted out to their
unpopularity in the neighbourhood of criminals. They had cut Sheen dead.
ones crime; while robbing a church In a way Sheen benefited from this
will get one cordially disliked especially excommunication. Now that he could
by the vicar. But, to be really an not even play fives, for want of an
outcast, to feel that one has no friend in opponent, there was nothing left for him
the world, one must break an important to do but work. Fortunately, he had an
public-school commandment. object. The Gotford would be coming
Sheen had always been something of on in a few weeks, and the more work
a hermit. In his most sociable moments he could do for it, the better. Though
he had never had more than one or two Stanning was the only one of his rivals
friends; but he had never before known whom he feared, and though he was
what it meant to be completely known to be taking very little trouble
isolated. It was like living in a world of over the matter, it was best to run as
ghosts, or, rather, like being a ghost in a few risks as possible. Stanning was one
living world. That disagreeable of those people who produce great
experience of being looked through, as results in their work without seeming to
if one were invisible, comes to the do anything for them.
average person, it may be half a dozen So Sheen shut himself up in his
times in his life. Sheen had to put up study and ground grimly away at his
with it a hundred times a day. People books, and for exercise went for cross-
who were talking to one another country walks. It was a monotonous
stopped when he appeared and waited kind of existence. For the space of a
until he had passed on before beginning week the only Wrykinian who spoke a
again. Altogether, he was made to feel single word to him was Bruce, the son
that he had done for himself, that, as far of the Conservative candidate for
as the life of the school was concerned, Wrykyn: and Bruces conversation had
he did not exist. been limited to two remarks. He had
There had been some talk, said, You might play that again, will
particularly in the senior day-room, of you? and, later, Thanks. He had
more active measures. It was thought come into the music-room while Sheen
that nothing less than a court-martial was practising one afternoon, and had
could meet the case. But the house sat down, without speaking, on a chair
prefects had been against it. Sheen was by the door. When Sheen had played
in the sixth, and, however monstrous for the second time the piece which had
and unspeakable might have been his won his approval, Bruce thanked him
acts, it would hardly do to treat him as and left the room. As the solitary break
if he were a junior. And the scheme in the monotony of the week, Sheen
had been definitely discouraged by remembered the incident rather vividly.
Drummond, who had stated, without Since the great rout of Albert and his
wrapping the gist of his remarks in minions outside Cooks, things, as far
elusive phrases, that in the event of a as the seniors were concerned, had been
court-martial being held he would quiet between school and town. Linton
interview the president of the same and and Dunstable had gone to and from
knock his head off. So Seymours had Cooks two days in succession without
fallen back on the punishment which let or hindrance. It was generally
ALBERT REDIVIVUS 335
believed that, owing to the unerring scientific retreat with the enemy
way in which he had put his head in harassing his men up to the very edge of
front of Drummonds left on that the town. This had happened on the last
memorable occasion, the scarlet-haired occasion. There had been casualties.
one was at present dry-docked for No fewer than six house-caps had fallen
repairs. The story in the schoolit had into the enemys hands, and he himself
grown with the dayswas that had been tripped up and rolled in a
Drummond had laid the enemy out on puddle.
the pavement with a sickening crash, He burned to avenge this disaster.
and that he had still been there at, so to Corning down to Cooks? he said
speak, the close of play. As a matter of to his ally, Painter. It was just a week
fact, Albert was in excellent shape, and since the Sheen episode.
only an unfortunate previous All right, said Painter.
engagement prevented him from Suppose we go by the High Street,
ranging the streets near Cooks as suggested Jackson, casually.
before. Sir William Bruce was Then wed better get a few more
addressing a meeting in another part of chaps, said Painter.
the town, and Albert thought it his duty A few more chaps were collected,
to be on hand to boo. and the party, numbering eight, set off
In the junior portion of the school for the town. There were present such
the feud with the town was brisk. stalwarts as Borwick and Crowle, both
Mention has been made of a certain St of Dexters, and Tomlin, of the School
Judes, between which seat of learning House, a useful man to have by you in
and the fags of Dexters and the School an emergency. It was Tomlin who, on
House there was a spirited vendetta. one occasion, attacked by two terrific
Jackson, of Dexters was one of the champions of St Judes in a narrow
pillars of the movement. Jackson was passage, had vanquished them both, and
a calm-browd lad, sent their mortar-boards miles into the
Yet mad, at moments, as a hatter, empyrean, so that they were never the
and he derived a great deal of same mortar-boards again, but wore
pleasure from warring against St ever after a bruised and draggled look.
Judes. It helped him to enjoy his The expedition passed down the
meals. He slept the better for it. After a High Street without adventure, until, by
little turn up with a Judy he was fuller common consent, it stopped at the lofty
of that spirit of manly fortitude and wall which bounded the playground of
forbearance so necessary to those whom St Judes.
Fate brought frequently into contact From the other side of the wall came
with Mr Dexter. The Judies wore sounds of revelry, shrill squealings and
mortar-boards, and it was an enjoyable shoutings. The Judies were disporting
pastime sending these spinning into themselves at one of their weird games.
space during one of the usual It was known that they played touch-
rencontres in the High Street. From the last, and Scandal said that another of
fact that he and his friends were their favourite recreations was marbles.
invariably outnumbered, there was a The juniors at Wrykyn believed that it
sporting element in these affairs, though was to hide these excesses from the
occasionally this inferiority of numbers gaze of the public that the playground
was the cause of his executing a wall had been made so high. Eye-
336 THE WHITE FEATHER
witnesses, who had peeped through the three waistcoat buttonswhen the eye
door in the said wall, reported that what of Jackson, roving up and down the
the Judies seemed to do mostly was to street, was caught by a Seymours cap.
chase one another about the playground, He was about to shout for assistance
shrieking at the top of their voices. But, when he perceived that the newcomer
they added, this was probably a mere was Sheen, and refrained. It was no
ruse to divert suspicion. use, he felt, asking Sheen for help.
They had almost certainly got the But just as Sheen arrived and the
marbles in their pockets all the time. ranks of the expedition were beginning
The expedition stopped, and looked to give way before the strenuous
itself in the face. onslaught of the Judies, the latter,
How about buzzing something at almost with one accord, turned and
them? said Jackson earnestly. bolted into their playground again.
You can get oranges over the road, Looking round, Tomlin, that first of
said Tomlin in his helpful way. generals, saw the reason, and uttered a
Jackson vanished into the shop warning.
indicated, and reappeared a few A mutual foe had appeared. From a
moments later with a brown paper bag. passage on the left of the road there had
It seems a beastly waste, suggested debouched on to the field of action
the economical Painter. Albert himself and two of his band.
Thats all right, said Jackson, The expedition flew without false
theyre all bad. The man thought I shame. It is to be doubted whether one
was rotting him when I asked if hed of Alberts calibre would have troubled
got any bad oranges, but I got them at to attack such small game, but it was
last. Give us a leg up, some one. the firm opinion of the Wrykyn fags
Willing hands urged him to the top and the Judies that he and his men were
of the wall. He drew out a green to be avoided.
orange, and threw it. The newcomers did not pursue
There was a sudden silence on the them. They contented themselves with
other side of the wall. Then a howl of shouting at them. One of the band
wrath went up to the heavens. Jackson threw a stone.
rapidly emptied his bag. Then they caught sight of Sheen.
Got him! he exclaimed, as the last Albert said, Oo er! and advanced
orange sped on its way. Look out, at the double. His companions
theyre coming! followed him.
The expedition had begun to move Sheen watched them come, and
off with quiet dignity, when from the backed against the wall. His heart was
doorway in the wall there poured forth a thumping furiously. He was in for it
stream of mortar-boarded warriors, now, he felt. He had come down to the
shrieking defiance. The expedition town with this very situation in his
advanced to meet them. mind. A wild idea of doing something
As usual, the Judies had the to restore his self-respect and his credit
advantage in numbers, and, filled to the in the eyes of the house had driven him
brim with righteous indignation, they to the High Street. But now that the
were proceeding to make things crisis had actually arrived, he would
uncommonly warm for the invaders- have given much to have been in his
Painter had lost his cap, and Tomlin study again.
ALBERT REDIVIVUS 337
Albert was quite close now. Sheen towards his opponent. He faced round
could see the marks which had resulted again irresolutely. The thing had
from his interview with Drummond. surprised him.
With all his force Sheen hit out, and You go away, said the other, as if
experienced a curious thrill as his fist he were making the observation for the
went home. It was a poor blow from a first time.
scientific point of view, but Sheens Its Joe Bevan, said one of
fives had given him muscle, and it Alberts friends, excitedly.
checked Albert. That youth, however, Alberts jaw fell. His freckled face
recovered rapidly, and the next few paled.
moments passed in a whirl for Sheen. You go away, repeated the man in
He received a stinging blow on his left the tweed suit, whose conversation
ear, and another which deprived him of seemed inclined to run in a groove.
his whole stock of breath, and then he This time Albert took the advice.
was on the ground, conscious only of a His friends had already taken it.
wish to stay there for ever. Thanks, said Sheen.
MR JOE BEVAN Beware, said Mr Bevan oracularly,
of entrance to a quarrel; but, being in,
Almost involuntarily he staggered up beart that th opposed may beware of
to receive another blow which sent him thee. Always counter back when you
down again. guard. When a man shows you his right
Thatll do, said a voice. like that, always push out your hand
Sheen got up, panting. Between him straight. The straight left rules the
and his assailant stood a short, sturdy boxing world. Feeling better, sir?
man in a tweed suit. He was waving Yes, thanks.
Albert back, and Albert appeared to be He got that right in just on the spot.
dissatisfied. He was arguing hotly with I was watching. When you see a man
the newcomer. coming to hit you with his right like
Now, you go away, said that that, dont you draw back. Get on top
worthy, mildly, just you go away. of him. He cant hit you then.
Albert gave it as his opinion that the That feeling of utter collapse, which
speaker would do well not to come is the immediate result of a blow in the
interfering in what didnt concern him. parts about the waistcoat, was
What he wanted, asserted Albert, was a beginning to pass away, and Sheen now
thick ear. felt capable of taking an interest in
Coming pushing yourself in, sublunary matters once more. His ear
added Albert querulously. smarted horribly, and when he put up a
You go away, repeated the hand and felt it the pain was so great
stranger. You go away. I dont want that he could barely refrain from
to have trouble with you. uttering a cry. But, however physically
Alberts reply was to hit out with his battered he might be, he was feeling
left hand in the direction of the happier and more satisfied with himself
speakers face. The stranger, without than he had felt for years. He had been
fuss, touched the back of Alberts wrist beaten, but he had fought his best, and
gently with the palm of his right hand, not given in. Some portion of his self-
and Albert, turning round in a circle, respect came back to him as he
ended the manoeuvre with his back reviewed the late encounter.
338 THE WHITE FEATHER
before him. He had tasted the pleasure right place, and then you go off to your
of the fight, and he wanted more. tea, leaving him lying there. He wont
Why, he thought, should he not avail get up.
himself of Joe Bevans services to help Id like to learn, said Sheen. I
him put himself right in the eyes of the should be awfully obliged if youd
house? At the end of the term, shortly teach me. I wonder if you could make
before the Public Schools me any good by the end of the term.
Competitions at Aldershot, inter-house The House Competitions come off
boxing cups were competed for at then.
Wrykyn. It would be a dramatic act of That all depends, sir. It comes
reparation to the house if he could win easier to some than others. If you know
the Light-Weight cup for it. His how to shoot your left out straight,
imagination, jumping wide gaps, did thats as good as six months teaching.
not admit the possibility of his not After that its all ring-craft. The
being good enough to win it. In the straight left beats the world.
scene which he conjured up in his mind Where shall I find you?
he was an easy victor. After all, there Im training a young chapeight
was the greater part of the term to learn stone seven, and hes got to get down to
in, and he would have a Champion of eight stone four, for a bantam weight
the World to teach him. matchat an inn up the river here. I
Mr Bevan cut in on his reflections as daresay you know it, sir. Or any one
if he had heard them by some process of would tell you where it is. The Blue
wireless telegraphy. Boar, its called. You come there any
Now, look here, sir, he said, you time you like to name, sir, and youll
should let me give you a few lessons. find me.
Youre plucky, but you dont know the I should like to come every day,
game as yet. And boxings a thing said Sheen. Would that be too often?
every one ought to know. Supposition Oftener the better, sir. You cant
is, youre crossing a field or going practise too much.
down a street with your sweetheart or Then Ill start next week. Thanks
your wife very much. By the way, I shall have to
Sheen was neither engaged nor go by boat, I suppose. It isnt far, is it?
married, but he let the point pass. Ive not been up the river for some
And up comes one of these time, The School generally goes down
hooligans, as they call em. What are stream.
you going to do if he starts his games? Its not what youd call far, said
Why, nothing, if you cant box. You Bevan. But it would be easier for you
may be plucky, but you cant beat him. to come by road.
And if you beat him, youll get half I havent a bicycle.
murdered yourself. What you want to Wouldnt one of your friends lend
do is to learn to box, and then what you one?
happens? Why, as soon as he sees you Sheen flushed.
shaping, he says to himself, Hullo, this No, Id better come by boat, I
chap knows too much for me. Im off, think. Ill turn up on Tuesday at about
and off he runs. Or supposition is, he five. Will that suit you?
comes for you. You dont mind. Not Yes, sir. That will be a good time.
you. You give him one punch in the Then Ill say good bye, sir, for the
340 THE WHITE FEATHER
entered Painter, with the news that Ready? asked Tomlin from the
Dexters had taken thirty points off the other boat.
School House just after half-time. Half a sec., said Jackson. Whats
Mopped them up, said the terse the course?
and epigrammatic Painter. Made rings Oh, dont you know that yet? Up
round them. Havent you finished yet? to the town, round the island just below
Well, chuck it, and come out. the bridge,the island with the croquet
Whats on? asked Jackson. ground on it, you knowand back
Were going to have a boat race. again here. Ready?
Pile it on. In a jiffy. Look here, Crowle,
We are, really. Fact. Some of remember about steering. You pull the
these School House kids are awfully right line if you want to go to the right
sick about the match, and challenged and the other if you want to go to the
us. That chap Tomlin thinks he can left.
row. All right, said the injured Crowle.
He cant row for nuts, said As if I didnt know that.
Jackson. He doesnt know which end Thought Id mention it. Its your
of the oar to shove into the water. Ive fault. Nobody could tell by looking at
seen cats that could row better than you that you knew anything except how
Tomlin. to eat. Ready, you chaps?
Thats what I told him. At least, I When I say Three, said Tomlin.
said he couldnt row for toffee, so he It was a subject of heated discussion
said all right, I bet I can lick you, and I between the crews for weeks afterwards
said I betted he couldnt, and he said all whether Dexters boat did or did not go
right, then, lets try, and then the other off at the word Two. Opinions were
chaps wanted to join in, so we made an divided on the topic. But it was certain
inter-house thing of it. And I want you that Jackson and his men led from the
to come and stroke us. start. Pulling a good, splashing stroke
Jackson hesitated. Mr Dexter, which had drenched Crowle to the skin
setting the lines on Friday, had certainly in the first thirty yards, Dexters boat
said that they were to be shown up crept slowly ahead. By the time the
tomorrow evening. He had said it island was reached, it led by a length.
very loud and clear. Still, in a case like Encouraged by success, the leaders
this....After all, by helping to beat the redoubled their already energetic
School House on the river he would be efforts. Crowle sat in a shower-bath.
giving Dexters a leg-up. And what He was even moved to speech about it.
more could the man want? When youve finished, said
Right ho, said Jackson. Crowle.
Down at the School boat-house the Jackson, intent upon repartee, caught
enemy were already afloat when Painter a crab, and the School House drew level
and Jackson arrived. again. The two boats passed the island
Buck up, cried the School House abreast.
crew. Just here occurred one of those
Dexters embarked, five strong. unfortunate incidents. Both crews had
There was room for two on each seat. quickened their stroke until the boats
Jackson shared the post of stroke with had practically been converted into
Painter. Crowle steered. submarines, and the rival coxswains
342 THE WHITE FEATHER
were observing bitterly to space that and only got work instead. From morn
this was jolly well the last time they till eve they lounged against the
ever let themselves in for this sort of balustrades, surveying nature, and
thing, when round the island there hove hoping it would be kind enough to give
in sight a flotilla of boats, directly in the them some excitement that day. An
path of the racers. occasional dog-fight found in them an
There were three of them, and not eager audience. No runaway horse ever
even the spray which played over them bored them. A broken-down motor-car
like a fountain could prevent Crowle was meat and drink to them. They had
from seeing that they were manned by an appetite for every spectacle.
Judies. Even on the river these outcasts When, therefore, the water began to
wore their mortar-boards. fly from boat to boat, kind-hearted men
Look out! shrieked Crowle, fetched their friends from neighbouring
pulling hard on his right line. Stop public houses and craned with them
rowing, you chaps. We shall be into over the parapet, observing the sport
them. and commenting thereon. It was these
At the same moment the School comments that attracted Mr Dexters
House oarsmen ceased pulling. The attention. When, cycling across the
two boats came to a halt a few yards bridge, he found the south side of it
from the enemy. entirely congested, and heard raucous
Whats up? panted Jackson, voices urging certain unseen little
crimson from his exertions. Hullo, its uns now to go it and anon to vote
the Judies! for Pedder, his curiosity was aroused.
Tomlin was parleying with the foe. He dismounted and pushed his way
Why the dickens cant you keep out through the crowd until he got a clear
of the way? Spoiling our race. Wait till view of what was happening below.
we get ashore. He was just in time to see the most
But the Judies, it seemed, were not stirring incident of the fight. The
prepared to wait even for that short biggest of the Judy boats had been
space of time. A miscreant, larger than propelled by the current nearer and
the common run of Judy, made a brief, nearer to the Dexter Argo. No sooner
but popular, address to his men. was it within distance than Jackson,
Splash them! he said. dropping his oar, grasped the side and
Instantly, amid shrieks of approval, pulled it towards him. The two boats
oars began to strike the water, and the crashed together and rocked violently as
water began to fly over the Wrykyn the crews rose from their seats and
boats, which were now surrounded. grappled with one another. A hurricane
The latter were not slow to join battle of laughter and applause went up from
with the same weapons. Homeric the crowd upon the bridge.
laughter came from the bridge above. The next moment both boats were
The town bridge was a sort of loafers bottom upwards and drifting sluggishly
club, to which the entrance fee was a down towards the island, while the
screw of tobacco, and the subscription crews swam like rats for the other boats.
an occasional remark upon the weather. Every Wrykinian had to learn to
Here gathered together day by day that swim before he was allowed on the
section of the populace which resented river; so that the peril of Jackson and
it when they asked for employment, his crew was not extreme: and it was
A NAVAL BATTLE AND ITS CONSEQUENCES 343
soon speedily evident that swimming before the mortar had had time to
was also part of the Judy curriculum, harden between their stones.
for the shipwrecked ones were soon He wished he could talk it over with
climbing drippingly on board the somebody. But he had nobody with
surviving ships, where they sat and whom he could talk over anything. He
made puddles, and shrieked defiance at must think it out for himself.
their antagonists. He spent the rest of the day thinking
This was accepted by both sides as it out, and by nightfall he had come to
the end of the fight, and the combatants his decision.
parted without further hostilities, each Even at the expense of breaking
fleet believing that the victory was with bounds and the risk of being caught at
them. it, he must keep his appointment with
And Mr Dexter, mounting his Joe Bevan. It would mean going to the
bicycle again, rode home to tell the town landing-stage for a boat, thereby
headmaster. breaking bounds twice over.
That evening, after preparation, the But it would have to be done.
headmaster held a reception. Among SHEEN BEGINS HIS
distinguished visitors were Jackson,
Painter, Tomlin, Crowle, and six others. EDUCATION
On the Monday morning the
The Blue Boar was a picturesque
headmaster issued a manifesto to the
inn, standing on the bank of the river
school after prayers. He had, he said,
Severn. It was much frequented in the
for some time entertained the idea of
summer by fishermen, who spent their
placing the town out of bounds. He
days in punts and their evenings in the
would do so now. No boy, unless he
old oak parlour, where a picture in
was a prefect, would be allowed till
boxing costume of Mr Joe Bevan,
further notice to cross the town bridge.
whose brother was the landlord of the
As regarded the river, for the future
inn, gazed austerely down on them, as if
boating Wrykinians must confine their
he disapproved of the lamentable want
attentions to the lower river. Nobody
of truth displayed by the majority of
must take a boat up-stream. The school
their number. Artists also congregated
boatman would have strict orders to see
there to paint the ivy-covered porch. At
that this rule was rigidly enforced. Any
the back of the house were bedrooms, to
breach of these bounds would, he
which the fishermen would make their
concluded, be punished with the utmost
way in the small hours of a summer
severity.
morning, arguing to the last as they
The headmaster of Wrykyn was not
stumbled upstairs. One of these
a hasty man. He thought before he put
bedrooms, larger than the others, had
his foot down. But when he did, he put
been converted into a gymnasium for
it down heavily.
the use of mine hosts brother. Thither
Sheen heard the ultimatum with
he brought pugilistic aspirants who
dismay. He was a law-abiding person,
wished to be trained for various
and here he was, faced with a dilemma
contests, and it was the boast of the
that made it necessary for him to choose
Blue Boar that it had never turned out
between breaking school rules of the
a loser. A reputation of this kind is a
most important kind, or pulling down
valuable asset to an inn, and the boxing
all the castles he had built in the air
world thought highly of it, in spite of
344 THE WHITE FEATHER
the fact that it was off the beaten track. All the rest of the room, a space some
Certainly the luck of the Blue Boar few yards square, was bare of furniture.
had been surprising. In this space a small sweater-clad
Sheen pulled steadily up stream on youth, with a head of light hair cropped
the appointed day, and after half an very short, was darting about and
hours work found himself opposite the ducking and hitting out with both hands
little landing-stage at the foot of the inn at nothing, with such a serious, earnest
lawn. expression on his face that Sheen could
His journey had not been free from not help smiling. On a chair by one of
adventure. On his way to the town he the windows Mr Joe Bevan was sitting,
had almost run into Mr Templar, and with a watch in his hand.
but for the lucky accident of that As Sheen entered the room the
gentlemans short sight must have been earnest young man made a sudden dash
discovered. He had reached the at him. The next moment he seemed to
landing-stage in safety, but he had not be in a sort of heavy shower of fists.
felt comfortable until he was well out of They whizzed past his ear, flashed up
sight of the town. It was fortunate for from below within an inch of his nose,
him in the present case that he was and tapped him caressingly on the
being left so severely alone by the waistcoat. Just as the shower was at its
school. It was an advantage that heaviest his assailant darted away again,
nobody took the least interest in his side-stepped an imaginary blow, ducked
goings and comings. another, and came at him once more.
Having moored his boat and None of the blows struck him, but it
proceeded to the inn, he was directed was with more than a little pleasure that
upstairs by the landlord, who was an he heard Joe Bevan call Time! and
enlarged and coloured edition of his saw the active young gentleman sink
brother. From the other side of the panting into a seat.
gymnasium door came an unceasing You and your games, Francis! said
and mysterious shuffling sound. Joe Bevan, reproachfully. This is a
He tapped at the door and went in. young gentleman from the college come
He found himself in a large, airy for tuition.
room, lit by two windows and a broad Gentlemanwont mindlittle
skylight. The floor was covered with joketake it in spirit which is-
linoleum. But it was the furniture that meant, said Francis, jerkily.
first attracted his attention. In a farther Sheen hastened to assure him that he
corner of the room was a circular had not been offended.
wooden ceiling, supported by four You take your two minutes,
narrow pillars. From the centre of this Francis, said Mr Bevan, and then
hung a ball, about the size of an have a turn with the ball. Come this
ordinary football. To the left, way, Mr
suspended from a beam, was an Sheen.
enormous leather bolster. On the floor, Come this way, Mr Sheen, and Ill
underneath a table bearing several pairs show you where to put on your things.
of boxing-gloves, a skipping-rope, and Sheen had brought his football
some wooden dumb-bells, was clothes with him. He had not put them
something that looked like a dozen on for a year.
Association footballs rolled into one. Thats the lad I was speaking of.
SHEEN BEGINS HIS EDUCATION 345
Getting on prime, he is. Fit to fight for be mentioned, Sheen accepted with
his life, as the saying is. gratitude, and the extra practice he
What was he doing when I came acquired thereby was subsequently of
in? the utmost use to him. Francis, as a
Oh, he always has three rounds like boxer, excelled in what is known in
that every day. It teaches you to get pugilistic circles as shiftiness. That is
about quick. You try it when you get to say, he had a number of ingenious
back, Mr Sheen. Fancy youre fighting ways of escaping out of tight corners;
me. and these he taught Sheen, much to the
Are you sure Im not interrupting latters profit.
you in the middle of your work? asked But this was later, when the
Sheen. Wrykinian had passed those preliminary
Not at all, sir, not at all. I just have stages on which he was now to embark.
to rub him down, and give him his The art of teaching boxing really
shower-bath, and then hes finished for well is a gift, and it is given to but a
the day. few. It is largely a matter of personal
Having donned his football clothes magnetism, and, above all, sympathy.
and returned to the gymnasium, Sheen A man may be a fine boxer himself, up
found Francis in a chair, having his left to every move of the game, and a
leg vigorously rubbed by Mr Bevan. champion of champions, but for all that
You fon of dargs? inquired he may not be a good teacher. If he has
Francis affably, looking up as he came not the sympathy necessary for the
in. appreciation of the difficulties
Sheen replied that he was, and, experienced by the beginner, he cannot
indeed, was possessed of one. The produce good results. A boxing
admission stimulated Francis, whose instructor needs three qualitiesskill,
right leg was now under treatment, to a sympathy, and enthusiasm. Joe Bevan
flood of conversation. He, it appeared, had all three, particularly enthusiasm.
had always been one for dargs. Owned His heart was in his work, and he
two. Answering to the names of Tim carried Sheen with him. Beautiful, sir,
and Tom. Beggars for rats, yes. And beautiful, he kept saying, as he
plucked uns? Wellhe would like to guarded the blows; and Sheen, though
see, would Francis, a dog that Tim or too clever to be wholly deceived by the
Tom would not stand up to. Clever, praise, for he knew perfectly well that
too. Why once his efforts up to the present had been
Joe Bevan cut his soliloquy short at anything but beautiful, was nevertheless
this point by leading him off to another encouraged, and put all he knew into his
room for his shower-bath; but before he hits. Occasionally Joe Bevan would
went he expressed a desire to talk push out his left glove. Then, if
further with Sheen on the subject of Sheens guard was in the proper place
dogs, and, learning that Sheen would be and the push did not reach its
there every day, said he was glad to destination, Joe would mutter a word of
hear it. He added that for a brother dog- praise. If Sheen dropped his right hand,
lover he did not mind stretching a point, so that he failed to stop the blow, Bevan
so that, if ever Sheen wanted a couple would observe, Keep that guard up,
of rounds any day, he, Francis, would sir! with almost a pained intonation, as
see that he got them. This offer, it may if he had been disappointed in a friend.
346 THE WHITE FEATHER
The constant repetition of this meant to aim at it. He would get the
maxim gradually drove it into Sheens Gotford, if he could, but also would he
head, so that towards the end of the win the house boxing at his weight.
lesson he no longer lowered his right After he had rested he discovered the
hand when he led with his left; and he use of the big ball beneath the table. It
felt the gentle pressure of Joe Bevans was soft, but solid and heavy. By
glove less frequently. At no stage of a throwing thisthe medicine-ball, as
pupils education did Joe Bevan hit him they call it in the professionat Joe
really hard, and in the first few lessons Bevan, and catching it, Sheen made
he could scarcely be said to hit him at himself very hot again, and did the
all. He merely rested his glove against muscles of his shoulders a great deal of
the pupils face. On the other hand, he good.
was urgent in imploring the pupil to hit Thatll do for today, then, sir. said
him as hard as he could. Joe Bevan. Have a good rub down
Dont be too kind, sir, he would tonight, or youll find yourself very stiff
chant, I dont mind being hit. Let me in the morning.
have it. Dont flap. Put it in with some Well, do you think I shall be any
weight behind it. He was also fond of good? asked Sheen.
mentioning that extract from Polonius Youll do fine, sir. But remember
speech to Laertes, which he had quoted what Shakespeare says.
to Sheen on their first meeting. About vaulting ambition?
Sheen finished his first lesson, No, sir, no. I meant what Hamlet
feeling hotter than he had ever felt in says to the players. Nor do not saw the
his life. air too much, with your hand, thus, but
Hullo, sir, youre out of condition, use all gently. Thats what youve got
commented Mr Bevan. Have a bit of a to remember in boxing, sir. Take it
rest. easy. Easy and cool does it, and the
Once more Sheen had learnt the straight left beats the world.
lesson of his weakness. He could *****
hardly realise that he had only begun to Sheen paddled quietly back to the
despise himself in the last fortnight. town with the stream, pondering over
Before then, he had been, on the whole, this advice. He felt that he had
satisfied with himself. He was brilliant advanced another step. He was not
at work, and would certainly get a foolish enough to believe that he knew
scholarship at Oxford or Cambridge anything about boxing as yet, but he felt
when the time came; and he had that it would not be long before he did.
specialised in work to the exclusion of SHEENS PROGRESS
games. It is bad to specialise in games
to the exclusion of work, but of the two Sheen improved. He took to boxing
courses the latter is probably the less as he had taken to fives. He found that
injurious. One gains at least health by his fives helped him. He could get
it. about on his feet quickly, and his eye
But Sheen now understood was trained to rapid work.
thoroughly, what he ought to have His second lesson was not
learned from his study of the Classics, encouraging. He found that he had
that the happy mean was the thing at learned just enough to make him stiff
which to strive. And for the future he and awkward, and no more. But he
SHEENS PROGRESS 347
kept on, and by the end of the first week studied it same as I have. Its the ring-
Joe Bevan declared definitely that he craft that wins battles. Now sir, if
would do, that he had the root of the youre ready.
matter in him, and now required only They put on the gloves again. When
practice. the round was over, Mr Bevan had
I wish you could see like I can how further comments to make.
youre improving, he said at the end of You dont hit hard enough, sir, he
the sixth lesson, as they were resting said. Dont flap. Let it come straight
after five minutes exercise with the out with some weight behind it. You
medicine-ball. I get four blows in on want to be earnest in the ring. The
some of the gentlemen I teach to one other mans going to do his best to hurt
what I get in on you. But its like you, and youve got to stop him. One
riding. When you can trot, you look good punch is worth twenty taps. You
forward to when you can gallop. And hit him. And when youve hit him,
when you can gallop, you cant see dont you go back; you hit him again.
yourself getting on any further. But Theyll only give you three rounds in
youre improving all the time. any competition you go in for, so you
But I cant gallop yet, said Sheen. want to do the work you can while
Well, no, not gallop exactly, but youre at it.
youve only had six lessons. Why, in As the days went by, Sheen began to
another six weeks, if you come regular, imbibe some of Joe Bevans rugged
you wont know yourself. Youll be philosophy of life. He began to
making some of the young gentlemen at understand that the world is a place
the college wish they had never been where every man has to look after
born. Youll make babies of them, himself, and that it is the stronger hand
thats what youll do. that wins. That sentence from Hamlet
Ill bet I couldnt, if Id learnt with which Joe Bevan was so fond of
some one else, said Sheen, sincerely. quoting practically summed up the
I dont believe I should have learnt a whole duty of manand boy too. One
thing if Id gone to the school should not seek quarrels, but, being
instructor. in, one should do ones best to ensure
Who is your school instructor, sir? that ones opponent thought twice in
A man named Jenkins. He used to future before seeking them. These
be in the army. afternoons at the Blue Boar were
Well, there, you see, thats what it gradually giving Sheen what he had
is. I know old George Jenkins. He never before possessedself-
used to be a pretty good boxer in his confidence. He was beginning to find
time, but there! boxings a thing, like that he was capable of something after
everything else, that moves with the all, that in an emergency he would be
times. We used to go about in iron able to keep his end up. The feeling
trucks. Now we go in motor-cars. Just added a zest to all that he did. His work
the same with boxing. What youre in school improved. He looked at the
learning now is the sort of boxing that Gotford no longer as a prize which he
wins championship fights nowadays. would have to struggle to win. He felt
Old George, well, he teaches you how that his rivals would have to struggle to
to put your left out, but, my Golly, he win it from him.
doesnt know any tricks. He hasnt After his twelfth lesson, when he had
348 THE WHITE FEATHER
learned the ground-work of the art, and them shape youd say to yourself, By
had begun to develop a style of his own, George, heres a champion. But let em
like some nervous batsman at cricket get a punch or two, and hullo! says you,
who does not show his true form till he whats this? They dont like it. They
has been at the wickets for several lay down. But you kept on. Theres
overs, the dog-loving Francis gave him one thing, though, you want to keep that
a trial. This was a very different affair guard up when you duck. You slip him
from his spars with Joe Bevan. Frank that way once. Very well. Next time
Hunt was one of the cleverest boxers at hes waiting for you. He doesnt hit
his weight in England, but he had not straight. He hooks you, and you dont
Joe Bevans gift of hitting gently. He want many of those.
probably imagined that he was merely Sheen enjoyed his surreptitious visits
tapping, and certainly his blows were to the Blue Boar. Twice he escaped
not to be compared with those he being caught in the most sensational
delivered in the exercise of his way; and once Mr Spence, who looked
professional duties; but, nevertheless, after the Wrykyn cricket and
Sheen had never felt anything so painful gymnasium, and played everything
before, not even in his passage of arms equally well, nearly caused
with Albert. He came out of the complications by inviting Sheen to play
encounter with a swollen lip and a fives with him after school. Fortunately
feeling that one of his ribs was broken, the Gotford afforded an excellent
and he had not had the pleasure of excuse. As the time for the examination
landing a single blow upon his slippery drew near, those who had entered for it
antagonist, who flowed about the room were accustomed to become hermits to
like quicksilver. But he had not a great extent, and to retire after school
flinched, and the statement of Francis, to work in their studies.
as they shook hands, that he had done You mustnt overdo it, Sheen, said
varry well, was as balm. Boxing is Mr Spence. You ought to get some
one of the few sports where the loser exercise.
can feel the same thrill of triumph as the Oh, I do, sir, said Sheen. I still
winner. There is no satisfaction equal play fives, but I play before breakfast
to that which comes when one has now.
forced oneself to go through an ordeal He had had one or two games with
from which one would have liked to Harrington of the School House, who
have escaped. did not care particularly whom he
Capital, sir, capital, said Joe played with so long as his opponent was
Bevan. I wanted to see whether you a useful man. Sheen being one of the
would lay down or not when you began few players in the school who were up
to get a few punches. You did capitally, to his form, Harrington ignored the
Mr Sheen. cloud under which Sheen rested. When
I didnt hit him much, said Sheen they met in the world outside the fives-
with a laugh. courts Harrington was polite, but made
Never mind, sir, you got hit, which no overtures of friendship. That, it may
was just as good. Some of the be mentioned, was the attitude of every
gentlemen Ive taught wouldnt have one who did not actually cut Sheen.
taken half that. Theyre all right when The exception was Jack Bruce, who had
theyre on top and winning, and to see constituted himself audience to Sheen,
SHEENS PROGRESS 349
when the latter was practising the piano, knowledge, of the plays, especially the
on two further occasions. But then tragedies, was wide, and at first
Bruce was so silent by nature that for all inexplicable to Sheen. It was strange to
practical purposes he might just as well hear him declaiming long speeches
have cut Sheen like the others. from Macbeth or Hamlet, and to think
We might have a game before that he was by profession a pugilist.
breakfast some time, then, said Mr One evening he explained his curious
Spence. erudition. In his youth, before he took
He had noticed, being a master who to the ring in earnest, he had travelled
did notice things, that Sheen appeared with a Shakespearean repertory
to have few friends, and had made up company. I never played a star part,
his mind that he would try and bring he confessed, but I used to come on in
him out a little. Of the real facts of the the Battle of Bosworth and in
case, he knew of course, nothing. Macbeths castle and what not. Ive
I should like to, sir, said Sheen. been First Citizen sometimes. I was the
Next Wednesday? carpenter in Julius Csar. That was my
All right, sir. biggest part. Truly sir, in respect of a
Ill be there at seven. If youre fine workman, I am but, as you would
before me, you might get the second say, a cobbler. But somehow the stage
court, will you? well..._you_ know what it is, sir.
The second court from the end Leeds one week, Manchester the next,
nearest the boarding-house was the best Brighton the week after, and travelling
of the half-dozen fives-courts at all Sunday. It wasnt quiet enough for
Wrykyn. After school sometimes you me.
would see fags racing across the gravel The idea of becoming a professional
to appropriate it for their masters. The pugilist for the sake of peace and quiet
rule was that whoever first pinned to the tickled Sheen. But Ive always read
door a piece of paper with his name on Shakespeare ever since then, continued
it was the legal owner of the court-and Mr Bevan, and I always shall read
it was a stirring sight to see a dozen him.
fags fighting to get at the door. But It was on the next day that Mr Bevan
before breakfast the court might be had made a suggestion which drew
with less trouble. confidences from Sheen, in his turn.
***** What you want now, sir, he said,
Meanwhile, Sheen paid his daily is to practise on someone of about
visits to the Blue Boar, losing flesh your own form, as the saying is. Isnt
and gaining toughness with every there some gentleman friend of yours at
lesson. The more he saw of Joe Bevan the college who would come here with
the more he liked him, and appreciated you?
his strong, simple outlook on life. They were sitting on the verandah
Shakespeare was a great bond between when he asked this question. It was
them. Sheen had always been a student growing dusk, and the evening seemed
of the Bard, and he and Joe would sit on to invite confidences. Sheen, looking
the little verandah of the inn, looking out across the river and avoiding his
over the river, until it was time for him friends glance, explained just what it
to row back to the town, quoting was that made it so difficult for him to
passages at one another. Joe Bevans produce a gentleman friend at that
350 THE WHITE FEATHER
particular time. He could feel Mr The other, however, did not share
Bevans eye upon him, but he went this prejudice. He rushed at Sheen with
through with it till the thing was told- such determination, that almost the first
boldly, and with no attempt to smooth warning the latter had that the contest
over any of the unpleasant points. had begun was the collision of the back
Never you mind, sir, said Mr of his head with the wall. Out in the
Bevan consolingly, as he finished. We middle of the room he did better, and
all lose our heads sometimes. Ive seen was beginning to hold his own, in spite
the way you stand up to Francis, and Ill of a rousing thump on his left eye, when
eatIll eat the medicine-ball if youre Joe Bevan called Time! A second
not as plucky as anyone. Its simply a round went off in much the same way.
question of keeping your head. You His guard was more often in the right
wouldnt do a thing like that again, not place, and his leads less wild. At the
you. Dont you worry yourself, sir. conclusion of the round, pressure of
Were all alike when we get bustled. business forced his opponent to depart,
We dont know what were doing, and and Sheen wound up his lesson with a
by the time weve put our hands up and couple of minutes at the punching-ball.
got into shape, why, its all over, and On the whole, he was pleased with his
there you are. Dont you worry first spar with someone who was really
yourself, sir. doing his best and trying to hurt him.
Youre an awfully good sort, Joe, With Joe Bevan and Francis there was
said Sheen gratefully. always the feeling that they were
A SMALL INCIDENT playing down to him. Joe Bevans
gentle taps, in particular, were a little
Failing a gentleman friend, Mr humiliating. But with his late opponent
Bevan was obliged to do what he could all had been serious. It had been a real
by means of local talent. On Sheens test, and he had come through it very
next visit he was introduced to a burly fairly. On the whole, he had taken more
youth of his own age, very taciturn, and than he had givenhis eye would look
apparently ferocious. He, it seemed, curious tomorrowbut already he had
was the knife and boot boy at the Blue thought out a way of foiling the burly
Boar, did a bit with the gloves, and youths rushes. Next time he would
was willing to spar with Sheen provided really show his true form.
Mr Bevan made it all right with the The morrow, on which Sheen
guvnor; saw, that is so say, that he did expected his eye to look curious, was
not get into trouble for passing in the day he had promised to play fives
unprofessional frivolity moments which with Mr Spence. He hoped that at the
should have been sacred to knives and early hour at which they had arranged
boots. These terms having been agreed to play it would not have reached its
to, he put on the gloves. worst stage; but when he looked in the
For the first time since he had begun glass at a quarter to seven, he beheld a
his lessons, Sheen experienced an attack small ridge of purple beneath it. It was
of his old shyness and dislike of hurting not large, nor did it interfere with his
other peoples feelings. He could not sight, but it was very visible. Mr
resist the thought that he had no grudge Spence, however, was a sportsman, and
against the warden of the knives and had boxed himself in his time, so there
boots. He hardly liked to hit him. was a chance that nothing would be
A SMALL INCIDENT 351
boat. Spoil my cushions, too, would Andwhy, look! heres the rope still
you? What next, I wonder! You go to on the pole, just as I left it.
Smith and ask him for a boat. Perhaps For the first time Dunstable seemed
he aint so particular about having his interested.
cushions This is getting mysterious. Did we
Orl right, said Albert, orl right. hire a rowing-boat or a submarine?
Mr Smith proved more complaisant, Theres something on the end of this
and a quarter of an hour after Dunstable rope. Give it a tug, and see. There,
and Linton had disappeared, Albert and didnt you feel it?
his friend were on the water. Moist I do believe, said Linton in an
outside, Albert burned with a desire for awed voice, the things sunk.
Revenge. He meant to follow his men They pulled at the rope together.
till he found them. It almost seemed as The waters heaved and broke, and up
if there would be a repetition of the came the nose of the boat, to sink back
naval battle which had caused the town with a splash as they loosened their
to be put out of bounds. Albert was a hold.
quick-tempered youth, and he had There are more things in Heaven
swallowed fully a pint of Severn water. and Earth said Dunstable, wiping his
***** hands. If you ask me, I should say an
Dunstable and Linton sat for some enemy hath done this. A boat doesnt
time in the oak parlour of the Blue sink of its own accord.
Boar. It was late when they went out. Albert! said Linton. The
As they reached the waters edge Linton blackguard must have followed us up
uttered a cry of consternation. and done it while we were at tea.
Whats up? asked Dunstable. I Thats about it, said Dunstable.
wish you wouldnt do that so suddenly. And nowhow about getting home?
It gives me a start. Do you feel bad? I suppose wed better walk. We
Great Scott! its gone. shall be hours late for lock-up.
The pain? You, said Dunstable, may walk if
Our boat. I tied it up to this post. you are fond of exercise and arent in a
You cant have done. Whats that hurry. Personally, Im going back by
boat over there! That looks like ours. river.
No, it isnt. That was there when But
we came. I noticed it. I tied ours up That looks a good enough boat over
here, to this post. there. Anyhow, we must make it do.
This is a shade awkward, said One mustnt be particular for once.
Dunstable thoughtfully. You must But it belongswhat will the other
have tied it up jolly rottenly. It must fellow do?
have slipped away and gone down- I cant help his troubles, said
stream. This is where we find ourselves Dunstable mildly, having enough of
in the cart. Right among the ribstons, my own. Coming?
by Jove. I feel like that Frenchman in *****
the story, who lost his glasses just as he It was about ten minutes later that
got to the top of the mountain, and Sheen, approaching the waterside in
missed the view. Altogezzer I do not quest of his boat, found no boat there.
vish I ad kom. The time was a quarter to six, and lock-
Im certain I tied it up all right. up was at six-thirty.
356 THE WHITE FEATHER
on earth were you doing at the place? the episode did not, in any way, alter his
I dont think thats any business of attitude towards Sheen. Another boy in
yours, is it, Linton? a similar position might have become
How did you get back? effusively friendly. Linton looked on
I dont think thats any business of the affair in a calm, judicial spirit. He
yours, either. I daresay youre had done Sheen a bad turn, but that was
disappointed, but I did manage to get no reason why he should fling himself
back. In time for lock-up, too. on his neck and swear eternal
But I dont understand. Do you friendship. His demeanour on the
mean to say that that was your boat we occasions when they came in contact
took? with each other remained the same. He
Sunk, corrected Sheen. did not speak to him, and he did not
Dont be a fool, Sheen. What the seem to see him. But all the while he
dickens should we want to sink your was remembering that somehow or
boat for? What happened was this. other he must do him a good turn of
Albertyou remember Albert?- some sort, by way of levelling things up
followed us up to the inn, and smashed again. When that good turn had been
our boat while we were having tea. done, he might dismiss him from his
When we got out and found it sunk, we thoughts altogether.
bagged the only other one we could Sheen, for his part, made no attempt
see. We hadnt a notion it was yours. to trade on the matter of the boat. He
We thought it belonged to some seemed as little anxious to be friendly
fisherman chap. with Linton as Linton was to be friendly
Then you didnt sink my boat? with him. For this Linton was grateful,
Of course we didnt. What do you and continued to keep his eyes open in
take us for? the hope of finding some opportunity of
Sorry, said Sheen. I thought it squaring up matters between them.
was a queer thing for you to have done. His chance was not long in coming.
Im glad it wasnt you. Good night. The feeling in the house against Sheen,
But look here, said Linton, dont caused by the story of his encounter
go. It must have landed you in a with Attell, had not diminished.
frightful hole, didnt it? Stanning had fostered it in various little
A little. But it doesnt matter. ways. It was not difficult. When a
Good night. house of the standing in the school
But half a second, Sheen which Seymours possessed exhibits a
Sheen had disappeared. weak spot, the rest of the school do not
Linton sat on till lights were turned require a great deal of encouragement to
off, ruminating. He had a very tender go on prodding that weak spot. In
conscience where other members of the short, the school rotted Seymours
school were concerned, though it was about Sheen, and Seymours raged
tougher as regarded masters; and he was impotently. Fags of other houses
full of remorse at the thought of how expended much crude satire on
nearly he had got Sheen into trouble by Seymours fags, and even the seniors of
borrowing his boat that afternoon. It the house came in for their share of the
seemed to him that it was his duty to baiting. Most of the houses at Wrykyn
make it up to him in some way. were jealous of Seymours, and this
It was characteristic of Linton that struck them as an admirable opportunity
A SKIRMISH 361
he? time.
Coming up now. I hear them. No, perhaps not. Thanks. So
What are you going to do? Stop them? long.
What do you think? Of course I So long.
am. Im not going to have any of Stanning turned on his heel, and
Applebys crew coming into Seymours walked away down the passage.
and ragging studies. Drummond went back into his study,
This ought to be worth seeing, said and shut the door.
Linton. Look on me as Charles, his The expedition, deprived of its
friend. Ill help if you want me, but commander-in-chief, paused
its your scene. irresolutely outside. Then it followed
Drummond opened his door just as its leaders example.
Stanning and his myrmidons were There was peace in the passage.
passing it. THE ROUT AT RIPTON
Hullo, Stanning, he said.
Stanning turned. The punitive On the Saturday following this
expedition stopped. episode, the first fifteen travelled to
Do you want anything? inquired Ripton to play the return match with
Drummond politely. that school on its own ground. Of the
The members of the senior day-room two Ripton matches, the one played at
who were with Stanning rallied round, Wrykyn was always the big event of the
silent and interested. This dramatic football year; but the other came next in
situation appealed to them. They had a importance, and the telegram which was
passion for rows, and this looked despatched to the school shop at the
distinctly promising. close of the game was always awaited
There was a pause. Stanning looked with anxiety. This year Wrykyn looked
carefully at Drummond. Drummond forward to the return match with a
looked carefully at Stanning. certain amount of apathy, due partly to
I was going to see Sheen, said the fact that the school was in a slack,
Stanning at length. unpatriotic state, and partly to the
He isnt in. hammering the team had received in the
Oh! previous term, when the Ripton centre
Another pause. three-quarters had run through and
Was it anything special? inquired scored with monotonous regularity.
Drummond pleasantly. Were bound to get sat on, was the
The expedition edged a little general verdict of the school.
forward. Allardyce, while thoroughly
No. Oh, no. Nothing special, said agreeing with this opinion, did his best
Stanning. to conceal the fact from the rest of the
The expedition looked disappointed. team. He had certainly done his duty
Any message I can give him? by them. Every day for the past
asked Drummond. fortnight the forwards and outsides had
No, thanks, said Stanning. turned out to run and pass, and on the
Sure? Saturdays there had been matches with
Quite, thanks. Corpus, Oxford, and the Cambridge Old
I dont think its worth while your Wrykinians. In both games the school
waiting. He may not be in for some had been beaten. In fact, it seemed as if
THE ROUT AT RIPTON 363
they could only perform really well Dunn isnt playing, nor is Waite,
when they had no opponents. To see said Barry, so they havent got either
the three-quarters racing down the field of their proper halves. I say, we might
(at practice) and scoring innumerable have a chance of doing something
(imaginary) tries, one was apt to be today.
misled into considering them a fine Of course we shall, said
quartette. But when there was a match, Allardyce. Youve only got to buck up
all the beautiful dash and precision of and weve got them on toast.
the passing faded away, and the last The atmosphere in the carriage
thing they did was to run straight. became charged with optimism. It
Barry was the only one of the four who seemed a simple thing to defeat a side
played the game properly. which was practically a Ripton A
But, as regarded condition, there was team. The centre three-quarters were
nothing wrong with the team. Even there still, it was true, but Allardyce and
Trevor could not have made them train Drummond ought to be able to prevent
harder; and Allardyce in his more the halves ever getting the ball out to
sanguine moments had a shadowy hope them. The team looked on those two
that the Ripton score might, with care, unknown halves as timid novices, who
be kept in the teens. would lose their heads at the kick-off.
Barry had bought a Sportsman at the As a matter of fact, the system of
station, and he unfolded it as the train football teaching at Ripton was so
began to move. Searching the left-hand perfect, and the keenness so great, that
column of the middle page, as we all do the second fifteen was nearly as good as
when we buy the Sportsman on the first every year. But the Wrykyn
Saturdayto see how our names look team did not know this, with the
in print, and what sort of a team the exception of Allardyce, who kept his
enemy has gothe made a remarkable knowledge to himself; and they arrived
discovery. At the same moment at Ripton jaunty and confident.
Drummond, on the other side of the Keith, the Ripton captain, who was
carriage, did the same. one of the centre three-quarters who had
I say, he said, they must have had made so many holes in the Wrykyn
a big clear-out at Ripton. Have you defence in the previous term, met the
seen the team theyve got out today? team at the station, and walked up to the
I was just looking at it, said Barry. school with them, carrying Allardyces
Whats up with it? inquired bag.
Allardyce. Lets have a look. You seem to have lost a good many
Theyve only got about half their men at Christmas, said Allardyce.
proper team. Theyve got a different We were reading the Sportsman in the
backGrey isnt playing. train. Apparently, youve only got ten
Both their centres are, though, said of your last terms lot. Have they all
Drummond. left?
More fun for us, Drum., old chap, The Ripton captain grinned ruefully.
said Attell. Im going home again. Not much, he replied. Theyre all
Stop the train. here. All except Dunn. You remember
Drummond said nothing. He hated Dunn? Little thick-set chap who played
Attell most when he tried to be half. He always had his hair quite tidy
facetious. and parted exactly in the middle all
364 THE WHITE FEATHER
a volley of howls from the road, a very narrowest margin, and after a
Ripton forward kicked off. The ball terrific three rounds, that he had beaten
flew in the direction of Stanning, on the him in the Feathers the year before. It
right wing. A storm of laughter arose would be too awful for words if the
from the road as he dropped it. The decision were to be reversed in the
first scrum was formed on the Wrykyn coming competition.
twenty-five line. But he was not allowed much leisure
The Ripton forwards got the ball, for pondering on the future. The
and heeled with their usual neatness. present was too full of incident and
The Ripton half who was taking the excitement. The withdrawal of the four
scrum gathered it cleanly, and passed to invalids and the departure of Dunn had
his colleague. He was a sturdy youth not reduced the Ripton team to that
with a dark, rather forbidding face, in wreck of its former self which the
which the acute observer might have Wrykyn fifteen had looked for. On the
read signs of the savage. He was of the contrary, their play seemed, if anything,
breed which is vaguely described at a shade better than it had been in the
public schools as nigger, a term former match. There was all the old
covering every variety of shade from aggressiveness, and Peteiro and his
ebony to light lemon. As a matter of partner, so far from being timid novices
fact he was a half-caste, sent home to and losing their heads, eclipsed the
England to be educated. Drummond exhibition given at Wrykyn by Waite
recognised him as he dived forward to and Dunn. Play had only been in
tackle him. The last place where they progress six minutes when Keith, taking
had met had been the roped ring at a pass on the twenty-five line, slipped
Aldershot. It was his opponent in the past Attell, ran round the back, and
final of the Feathers. scored between the posts. Three
He reached him as he swerved, and minutes later the other Ripton centre
they fell together. The ball bounded scored. At the end of twenty minutes
forward. the Wrykyn line had been crossed five
Hullo, Peteiro, he said. Thought times, and each of the tries had been
youd left. converted.
The other grinned recognition. Cant you fellows get that ball in
Hullo, Drummond. the scrum? demanded Allardyce
Going up to Aldershot this year? plaintively, as the team began for the
Yes. Light-Weight. fifth time the old familiar walk to the
So am I. half-way line. Pack tight, and get the
The scrum had formed by now, and first shove.
further conversation was impossible. The result of this address was to
Drummond looked a little thoughtful as increase the Ripton lead by four points.
he put the ball in. He had been told that In his anxiety to get the ball, one of the
Peteiro was leaving Ripton at Wrykyn forwards started heeling before
Christmas. It was a nuisance his being it was in, and the referee promptly gave
still at school. Drummond was not a free kick to Ripton for foot up. As
afraid of himhe would have fought a this event took place within easy reach
champion of the world if the school had of the Wrykyn goal, and immediately in
expected him tobut he could not help front of the same, Keith had no
remembering that it was only by the difficulty in bringing off the penalty.
366 THE WHITE FEATHER
make a very good show against anyone for the match between his house and
in the school, even Drummond. Joe Seymours in the semi-final round of
Bevan was delighted with his progress, the competition.
and quoted Shakespeare volubly in his Youre looking bad, he said,
admiration. Jack Bruce and Francis taking a seat.
added their tribute, and the knife and Im feeling bad, said Drummond.
boot boy paid him the neatest For the past few days he had been very
compliment of all by refusing point- much out of sorts. He put it down to a
blank to have any more dealings with chill caught after the Ripton match. He
him whatsoever. His professional had never mustered up sufficient
duties, explained the knife and boot courage to sponge himself with cold
boy, did not include being punched in water after soaking in a hot bath, and he
the heye by blokes, and he did not occasionally suffered for it.
intend to be put upon. Whats up? inquired Allardyce.
Youll do all right, said Jack Oh, I dont know. Sort of beastly
Bruce, as they were motoring home, if feeling. Sore throat. Nothing much.
theyll let you go in for it all. But how Only it makes you feel rather rotten.
do you know they will? Have they Allardyce looked interested.
chosen the men yet? I say, he said, it looks as ifI
Not yet. They dont do it till the wonder. I hope you havent.
day before. But there wont be any What?
difficulty about that. Drummond will Mumps. It sounds jolly like it.
let me have a shot if he thinks Im good Mumps! Of course Ive not. Why
enough. should I?
Oh, youre good enough, said Allardyce produced a letter from his
Bruce. pocket. I got this from Keith, the
And when, on Monday evening, Ripton captain, this morning. You
Francis, on receipt of no fewer than four know theyve had a lot of the thing
blows in a single rounda record, there. Oh, didnt you? That was why
shook him by the hand and said that if they had such a bad team out.
ever he happened to want a leetle darg Bad team! murmured Drummond.
that was a perfect bag of tricks and had Well, I mean not their best team.
got a pedigree, mind you, he, Francis, They had four of their men down with
would be proud to supply that animal, mumps. Heres what Keith says.
Sheen felt that the moment had come to Listen. Bit about hoping we got back
approach Drummond on the subject of all right, and so on, first. Then he says
the house boxing. It would be a little here it is, Another of our fellows has
awkward at first, and conversation got the mumps. One of the forwards;
would probably run somewhat stiffly; rather a long man who was good out of
but all would be well once he had touch. He developed it a couple of days
explained himself. after the match. Its lucky that all our
But things had been happening in his card games are over. We beat Johns,
absence which complicated the Oxford, last Wednesday, and that
situation. Allardyce was having tea finished the card. But itll rather rot up
with Drummond, who had been the House matches. We should have
stopping in with a sore throat. He had walked the cup, but theres no knowing
come principally to make arrangements what will happen now. I hope none of
368 THE WHITE FEATHER
your lot caught the mumps from made his position a great deal more
Browning during the game. Its quite difficult. In ten minutes he could have
likely, of course. Browning ought not explained matters to Drummond if he
to have been playing, but I had no had found him in his study. But it
notion that there was anything wrong would be a more difficult task to put the
with him. He never said he felt bad. thing clearly in a letter.
Youve got it, Drummond. Thats Meanwhile, it was bed-time, and he
whats the matter with you. soon found his hands too full with his
Oh, rot, said Drummond. Its dormitory to enable him to think out the
only a chill. phrasing of that letter. The dormitory,
But the school doctor, who had which was recruited entirely from the
looked in at the house to dose a small junior day-room, had heard of
Seymourite who had indulged too Drummonds departure with rejoicings.
heartily in the pleasures of the table, They liked Drummond, but he was a
had other views, and before lockup good deal too fond of the iron hand for
Drummond was hurried off to the their tastes. A night with Sheen in
infirmary. charge should prove a welcome change.
Sheen went to Drummonds study A deafening uproar was going on
after preparation had begun, and was when Sheen arrived, and as he came
surprised to find him out. Not being on into the room somebody turned the gas
speaking terms with a single member of out. He found some matches on the
the house, he was always out-of-date as chest of drawers, and lit it again just in
regarded items of school news. As a time to see a sportive youth tearing the
rule he had to wait until Jack Bruce told clothes off his bed and piling them on
him before learning of any occurrence the floor. A month before he would not
of interest. He had no notion that have known how to grapple with such a
mumps was the cause of Drummonds situation, but his evenings with Joe
absence, and he sat and waited patiently Bevan had given him the habit of
for him in his study till the bell rang for making up his mind and acting rapidly.
prayers. The only possible explanation Drummond was wont to keep a
that occurred to him was that swagger-stick by his bedside for the
Drummond was in somebody elses better observance of law and order.
study, and he could not put his theory to Sheen possessed himself of this
the test by going and looking. It was swagger-stick, and reasoned with the
only when Drummond did not put in an sportive youth. The rest of the
appearance at prayers that Sheen began dormitory looked on in interested
to suspect that something might have silence. It was a critical moment, and
happened. on his handling of it depended Sheens
It was maddening not to be able to victory or defeat. If he did not keep his
make inquiries. He had almost decided head he was lost. A dormitory is
to go and ask Linton, and risk whatever merciless to a prefect whose weakness
might be the consequences of such a they have discovered.
step, when he remembered that the Sheen kept his head. In a quiet,
matron must know. He went to her, and pleasant voice, fingering the swagger-
was told that Drummond was in the stick, as he spoke, in an absent manner,
infirmary. he requested his young friend to re-
He could not help seeing that this make the bedrapidly and completely.
DRUMMOND GOES INTO RETIREMENT 369
For the space of five minutes no sound posing, and he had all the hatred for
broke the silence except the rustle of poses which is a characteristic of the
sheets and blankets. At the end of that plain and straightforward type of mind.
period the bed looked as good as new. It seemed to him that Sheen, as he
Thanks, said Sheen gratefully. expressed it to himself, was trying to
Thats very kind of you. do the boy hero. In the school
He turned to the rest of the library, which had been stocked during
dormitory. the dark ages, when that type of story
Dont let me detain you, he said was popular, there were numerous
politely. Get into bed as soon as you school stories in which the hero
like. retrieved a rocky reputation by
The dormitory got into bed sooner thrashing the bully, displaying in the
than they liked. For some reason the encounter an intuitive but
colossal rag they had planned had overwhelming skill with his fists.
fizzled out. They were thoughtful as Drummond could not help feeling that
they crept between the sheets. Could Sheen must have been reading one of
these things be? these stories. It was all very fine and
***** noble of him to want to show that he
After much deliberation Sheen sent was No Coward After All, like Leo
his letter to Drummond on the Cholmondeley or whatever his beastly
following day. It was not a long letter, name was, in The Lads of St.
but it was carefully worded. It Ethelbertas or some such piffling
explained that he had taken up boxing book; but, thought Drummond in his
of late, and ended with a request that he cold, practical way, what about the
might be allowed to act as Drummonds house? If Sheen thought that
understudy in the House competitions. Seymours was going to chuck away all
It was late that evening when the chance of winning one of the inter-
infirmary attendant came over with the house events, simply in order to give
answer. him an opportunity of doing the Young
Like the original letter, the answer Hero, the sooner he got rid of that sort
was brief. of idea, the better. If he wanted to do
Dear Sheen, wrote Drummond, the Leo Cholmondeley business, let him
thanks for the offer. I am afraid I cant go and chuck a kid into the river, and
accept it. We must have the best man. jump in and save him. But he wasnt
Linton is going to box for the House in going to have the house let in for twenty
the Light-Weights. Sheens.
SEYMOURS ONE Such were the meditations of
Drummond when the infirmary
SUCCESS attendant brought Sheens letter to him;
and he seized pencil and paper and
This polite epistle, it may be
wrote, Dont be a fool. But pity
mentioned, was a revised version of the
succeeded contempt, and he tore up the
one which Drummond originally wrote
writing. After all, however much he
in reply to Sheens request. His first
had deserved it, the man had had a bad
impulse had been to answer in the four
time. It was no use jumping on him.
brief words, Dont be a fool; for
And at one time they had been pals.
Sheens letter had struck him as nothing
Might as well do the thing politely.
more than a contemptible piece of
370 THE WHITE FEATHER
the house very well. See what I mean? So it came about that Menzies was
Of course he cant, said Mill, who chosen to uphold the house in the Fives
was second in command at Seymours. Courts. Sheen was not surprised. But it
Mills attitude towards his fellow men was not pleasant. He was certainly
was one of incessant hostility. He having bad luck in his attempts to do
seemed to bear a grudge against the something for the house. Perhaps if he
entire race. won the Gotford they might show a
Rigby resumed. He was a pacific little enthusiasm. The Gotford always
person, and hated anything resembling caused a good deal of interest in the
rows in the house. He had been sorry school. It was the best thing of its kind
for Sheen, and would have been glad to in existence at Wrykyn, and even the
give him a chance of setting himself on most abandoned loafers liked to feel
his legs again. that their house had won it. It was just
You see. he said, this is what I possible, thought Sheen, that a brilliant
mean. We either recognise Sheens win might change the feelings of
existence or we dont. Follow? We Seymours towards him. He did not
cant get him to win this Cup for us, and care for the applause of the multitude
then, when he has done it, go on cutting more than a boy should, but he
him and treating him as if he didnt preferred it very decidedly to the cut
belong to the house at all. I know he let direct.
the house down awfully badly in that Things went badly for Seymours.
business, but still, if he lifts the Fives Never in the history of the house, or, at
Cup, thatll square the thing. If he does any rate, in the comparatively recent
anything to give the house a leg-up, he history of the house, had there been
must be treated as if hed never let it such a slump in athletic trophies. To
down at all. begin with, they were soundly beaten in
Of course, said Barry. I vote we the semi-final for the House football
send him in for the Fives. cup by Allardyces lot. With
What rot! said Mill. It isnt as if Drummond away, there was none to
none of the rest of us played fives. mark the captain of the School team at
We arent as good as Sheen, said half, and Allardyce had raced through
Barry. in a manner that must have
I dont care. I call it rot letting a compensated him to a certain extent for
chap like him represent the house at the poor time he had had in first fifteen
anything. If he were the best fives- matches. The game had ended in a
player in the world I wouldnt let him Seymourite defeat by nineteen points to
play for the house. five.
Rigby was impressed by his Nor had the Boxing left the house in
vehemence. He hesitated. a better position. Linton fought
After all, Barry, he said, I dont pluckily in the Light-Weights, but went
know. Perhaps it mightyou see, he down before Stanning, after beating a
didwell, I really think wed better representative of Templars. Mill did
have somebody else. The house has got not show up well in the Heavy-Weights,
its knife into Sheen too much just at and was defeated in his first bout.
present to want him as a representative. Seymours were reduced to telling
Thered only be sickness, dont you themselves how different it all would
think? Who else is there? have been if Drummond had been there.
372 THE WHITE FEATHER
Sheen watched the Light-Weight the rest of the house would express their
contests, and nearly danced with emotion in the way that seemed best to
irritation. He felt that he could have them, to the subsequent exultation of
eaten Stanning. The man was quick the local crockery merchant, who had
with his left, but he couldnt box. He generally to supply at least a dozen
hadnt a notion of side-stepping, and the fresh cups and plates to the house after
upper-cut appeared to be entirely one of these occasions. When it was for
outside his range. He would like to see getting his first eleven or first fifteen
him tackle Francis. cap that the lucky man was being
Sheen thought bitterly of cheered, the total of breakages
Drummond. Why on earth couldnt he sometimes ran into the twenties.
have given him a chance. It was Rigby, good, easy man, was a little
maddening. doubtful as to what course to pursue in
The Fives carried on the story. the circumstances. Should he give the
Menzies was swamped by a Days signal? After all, the fellow had won
man. He might just as well have stayed the Gotford. It was a score for the
away altogether. The star of Seymours house, and they wanted all the scores
was very low on the horizon. they could get in these lean years.
And then the house scored its one Perhaps, then, he had better.
success. The headmaster announced it Well played, Sheen, said he.
in the Hall after prayers in his dry, There was a dead silence. A giggle
unemotional way. from the fags table showed that the
I have received the list of marks, comedy of the situation was not lost on
he said, from the examiners for the the young mind.
Gotford Scholarship. He paused. The head of the house looked
Sheen felt a sudden calm triumph flood troubled. This was awfully awkward.
over him. Somehow, intuitively, he Well played, Sheen, he said again.
knew that he had won. He waited Dont mention it, Rigby, said the
without excitement for the next words. winner of the Gotford politely, looking
Out of a possible thousand marks, up from his plate.
Sheen, who wins the scholarship, MR BEVAN MAKES A
obtained seven hundred and one,
Stanning six hundred and four, SUGGESTION
Wilson....
When one has been working hard
Sheen walked out of the Hall in the
with a single end in view, the arrival
unique position of a Gotford winner
and departure of the supreme moment is
with only one friend to congratulate
apt to leave a feeling of emptiness, as if
him. Jack Bruce was the one. The
life had been drained of all its interest,
other six hundred and thirty-three
and left nothing sufficiently exciting to
members of the school made no
make it worth doing. Horatius, as he
demonstration.
followed his plough on a warm day
There was a pleasant custom at
over the corn land which his gratified
Seymours of applauding at tea any
country bestowed on him for his
Seymourite who had won distinction,
masterly handling of the traffic on the
and so shed a reflected glory on the
bridge, must sometimes have felt it was
house. The head of the house would
a little tame. The feeling is far more
observe, Well played, So-and-So! and
acute when one has been unexpectedly
MR BEVAN MAKES A SUGGESTION 373
baulked in ones desire for action. sort. I should have thought he would
Sheen, for the first few days after he have sent you in for the house like a
received Drummonds brief note, felt shot. Are you sure you put it plainly in
that it was useless for him to try to do your letter? What did you say?
anything. The Fates were against him. Sheen repeated the main points of
In stories, as Mr Anstey has pointed his letter.
out, the hero is never long without his Did you tell him who had been
chance of retrieving his reputation. A teaching you?
mad bull comes into the school No. I just said Id been boxing
grounds, and he alone (the hero, not the lately.
bull) is calm. Or there is a fire, and Pity, said Jack Bruce. If youd
whose is that pale and gesticulating mentioned that it was Joe whod been
form at the upper window? The bullys, training you, he would probably have
of course. And who is that climbing been much more for it. You see, he
nimbly up the Virginia creeper? Why, couldnt know whether you were any
the hero. Who else? Three hearty good or not from your letter. But if
cheers for the plucky hero. youd told him that Joe Bevan and Hunt
But in real life opportunities of both thought you good, hed have seen
distinguishing oneself are less frequent. there was something in it.
Sheen continued his visits to the It never occurred to me. Like a
Blue Boar, but more because he fool, I was counting on the thing so
shrank from telling Joe Bevan that all much that it didnt strike me there
his trouble had been for nothing, than would be any real difficulty in getting
because he had any definite object in him to see my point. Especially when
view. It was bitter to listen to the he got mumps and couldnt go in
eulogies of the pugilist, when all the himself. Well, it cant be helped now.
while he knew that, as far as any And the conversation turned to the
immediate results were concerned, it prospects of Jack Bruces father in the
did not really matter whether he boxed forthcoming election, the polling for
well or feebly. Some day, perhaps, as which had just begun.
Mr Bevan was fond of pointing out Im busy now, said Bruce. Im
when he approached the subject of not sure that I shall be able to do much
disadvantages of boxing, he might meet sparring with you for a bit.
a hooligan when he was crossing a field My dear chap, dont let me
with his sister; but he found that but Oh, its all right, really. Taking you
small consolation. He was in the to the Blue Boar doesnt land me out
position of one who wants a small sum of my way at all. Most of the work lies
of ready money, and is told that, in a round in this direction. I call at
few years, he may come into a fortune. cottages, and lug oldest inhabitants to
By the time he got a chance of proving the poll. Its rare sport.
himself a man with his hands, he would Does your pater know?
be an Old Wrykinian. He was leaving Oh, yes. He rots me about it like
at the end of the summer term. anything, but, all the same, I believe
Jack Bruce was sympathetic, and hes really rather bucked because Ive
talked more freely than was his wont. roped in quite a dozen voters who
I cant understand it, he said. wouldnt have stirred a yard if I hadnt
Drummond always seemed a good turned up. Thats where were scoring.
374 THE WHITE FEATHER
Pedder hasnt got a car yet, and these with his pupils with that thoroughness
old rotters round here arent going to which is the hall-mark of the first-class
move out of their chairs to go for a ride boxing instructor, looked so pained at
in an ordinary cart. But they chuck his sudden loss of form, that Sheen
away their crutches and hop into a could not resist the temptation to
motor like one oclock. confide in him. After all, he must tell
It must be rather a rag, said Sheen. him some time.
The car drew up at the door of the The fact is, he said, as they sat on
Blue Boar. Sheen got out and ran the balcony overlooking the river,
upstairs to the gymnasium. Joe Bevan waiting for Jack Bruce to return with
was sparring a round with Francis. He his car, Ive had a bit of a sickener.
watched them while he changed, but I thought youd got sick of it, said
without the enthusiasm of which he had Mr Bevan. Well, have a bit of a rest.
been conscious on previous occasions. I dont mean that Im tired of
The solid cleverness of Joe Bevan, and boxing, Sheen hastened to explain.
the quickness and cunning of the After all the trouble youve taken with
bantam-weight, were as much in me, it would be a bit thick if I chucked
evidence as before, but somehow the it just as I was beginning to get on. It
glamour and romance which had isnt that. But you know how keen I
surrounded them were gone. He no was on boxing for the house?
longer watched eagerly to pick up the Joe Bevan nodded.
slightest hint from these experts. He Did you get beat?
felt no more interest than he would have They wouldnt let me go in, said
felt in watching a game of lawn tennis. Sheen.
He had been keen. Since his But, bless me! youd have made
disappointment with regard to the babies of them. What was the instructor
House Boxing he had become doing? Couldnt he see that you were
indifferent. good?
Joe Bevan noticed this before he had I didnt get a chance of showing
been boxing with him a minute. what I could do. He explained the
Hullo, sir, he said, whats this? difficulties of the situation.
Tired today? Not feeling well? You Mr Bevan nodded his head
arent boxing like yourself, not at all thoughtfully.
you arent. Theres no weight behind So naturally, concluded Sheen,
em. Youre tapping. Whats the the thing has put me out a bit. Its
matter with your feet, too? You arent beastly having nothing to work for. Im
getting about as quickly as I should like at a loose end. Up till now, Ive always
to see. What have you been doing to had the thought of the House
yourself? Competition to keep me going. But
Nothing that I know of, said nowwell, you see how it is. Its like
Sheen. Im sorry Im so rotten. Lets running to catch a train, and then
have another try. finding suddenly that youve got plenty
The second try proved as of time. There doesnt seem any point
unsatisfactory as the first. He was in going on running.
listless, and his leads and counters Why not Aldershot, sir? said Mr
lacked conviction. Bevan.
Joe Bevan, who identified himself What! cried Sheen.
MR BEVAN MAKES A SUGGESTION 375
The absolute novelty of the idea, and representative? Now that Drummond
the gorgeous possibilities of it, made was unable to box, Stanning would go
him tingle from head to foot. down, as the winner of the School
Aldershot! Why hadnt he thought of it Competition. These things were
before! The House Competition worked by an automatic process. Sheen
suddenly lost its importance in his felt that he could beat Stanning, but he
eyes. It was a trivial affair, after all, had no means of publishing this fact to
compared with Aldershot, that Mecca of the school. He could not challenge him
the public-school boxer. to a trial of skill. That sort of thing was
Then the glow began to fade. not done.
Doubts crept in. He might have learned He explained this to Joe Bevan.
a good deal from Joe Bevan, but had he Well, its a pity, said Joe
learned enough to be able to hold his regretfully. Its a pity.
own with the best boxers of all the At this moment Jack Bruce
public schools in the country? And if appeared.
he had the skill to win, had he the Whats a pity, Joe? he asked.
heart? Joe Bevan had said that he Joe wants me to go to Aldershot as
would not disgrace himself again, and a light-weight, explained Sheen, and I
he felt that the chances were against his was just saying that I couldnt, because
doing so, but there was the terrible of Stanning.
possibility. He had stood up to Francis What about Stanning?
and the others, and he had taken their He won the School Competition,
blows without flinching; but in these you see, so theyre bound to send him
encounters there was always at the back down.
of his mind the comforting feeling that Half a minute, said Jack Bruce. I
there was a limit to the amount of never thought of Aldershot for you
punishment he would receive. If before. Its a jolly good idea. I believe
Francis happened to drive him into a youd have a chance. And its all right
corner where he could neither attack, about Stanning. Hes not going down.
nor defend himself against attack, he Havent you heard?
did not use his advantage to the full. He I dont hear anything. Why isnt he
indicated rather than used it. A couple going down?
of blows, and he moved out into the Hes knocked up one of his wrists.
open again. But in the Public Schools So he says.
Competition at Aldershot there would How do you meanso he says?
be no quarter. There would be nothing asked Sheen.
but deadly earnest. If he allowed I believe he funks it.
himself to be manoeuvred into an Why? What makes you think
awkward position, only his own skill, or that?
the call of time, could extricate him Oh, I dont know. Its only my
from it. opinion. Still, its a little queer.
In a word, at the Blue Boar he Stanning says he crocked his left wrist
sparred. At Aldershot he would have to in the final of the House
fight. Was he capable of fighting? Competition.
Then there was another difficulty. Well, whats wrong with that?
How was he to get himself appointed as Why shouldnt he have done so?
the Wrykyn light-weight Sheen objected strongly to Stanning,
376 THE WHITE FEATHER
but he had the elements of justice in more sprained than his ankle. The
him, and he was not going to condemn advisability of manufacturing an injury
him on insufficient evidence, had come home to him very vividly on
particularly of a crime of which he the Saturday morning following the
himself had been guilty. Ripton match, when he had read the
Of course he may have done, said brief report of that painful episode in
Bruce. But its a bit fishy that he that weeks number of the Field in the
should have been playing fives all right school library. In the list of the Ripton
two days running just after the team appeared the name R. Peteiro. He
competition. had heard a great deal about the dusky
He might have crocked himself Riptonian when Drummond had beaten
then. him in the Feather-Weights the year
Then why didnt he say so? before. Drummond had returned from
A question which Sheen found Aldershot on that occasion cheerful, but
himself unable to answer. in an extremely battered condition. His
Then theres nothing to prevent you appearance as he limped about the field
fighting, sir, said Joe Bevan, who had on Sports Day had been heroic, and, in
been listening attentively to the addition, a fine advertisement for the
conversation. punishing powers of the Ripton
Do you really think Ive got a champion. It is true that at least one of
chance? his injuries had been the work of a
I do, sir. Pauline whom he had met in the
Of course you have, said Jack opening bout; but the great majority
Bruce. Youre quite as good as were presents from Ripton, and
Drummond was, last time I saw him Drummond had described the dusky
box. one, in no uncertain terms, as a holy
Then Ill have a shot at it, said terror.
Sheen. These things had sunk into
Good for you, sir, cried Joe Bevan. Stannings mind. It had been generally
Though itll be a bit of a job getting understood at Wrykyn that Peteiro had
leave, said Sheen. How would you left school at Christmas. When
start about it, Bruce? Stanning, through his study of the Field,
Youd better ask Spence. Hes the discovered that the redoubtable boxer
man to go to. had been one of the team against which
Thats all right. Im rather a pal of he had played at Ripton, and realised
Spences. that, owing to Drummonds illness, it
Ask him tonight after prep., would fall to him, if he won the House
suggested Bruce. Competition, to meet this man of wrath
And then you can come here at Aldershot, he resolved on the instant
regular, said Joe Bevan, and well that the most persuasive of wild horses
train you till youre that fit you could should not draw him to that military
eat bricks, and youll make babies of centre on the day of the Public Schools
them up at Aldershot. Competition. The difficulty was that he
PAVING THE WAY particularly wished to win the House
Cup. Then it occurred to him that he
Bruce had been perfectly correct in could combine the two thingswin the
his suspicions. Stannings wrist was no competition and get injured while doing
PAVING THE WAY 377
know that he was a boxer when he had come down then, but Ill try and
been down and shown what he could manage it by an early train on the day.
do. His appearance in his new rle How about Francis?
would be the most surprising thing that Oh, Francis can look after himself
had happened in the place for years, and for one day. Hes not the sort of boy to
it would be a painful anti-climax if, run wild if hes left alone for a few
after all the excitement which would be hours.
caused by the discovery that he could Then you think you can manage
use his hands, he were to be defeated in it?
his first bout. Whereas, if he happened Yes, sir. If Im not there for your
to win, the announcement of his victory first fight, I shall come in time to
would be all the more impressive, second you in the final.
coming unexpectedly. To himself he If I get there, said Sheen.
did not admit the possibility of defeat. Good secondings half the battle.
He had braced himself up for the ordeal, These soldiers they give you at
and he refused to acknowledge to Aldershotwell, they dont know the
himself that he might not come out of it business, as the saying is. They dont
well. Besides, Joe Bevan continued to look after their man, not like I could. I
express hopeful opinions. saw young whats-his-name, of Rugby
Just you keep your head, sir. he Stevens: he was beaten in the final
said, and youll win. Lots of these by a gentleman from HarrowI saw
gentlemen, theyre champions when him fight there a couple of years ago.
theyre practising, and youd think After the first round he was leading-
nothing wouldnt stop them when they not by much, but still, he was a point or
get into the ring. But they get wild two ahead. Well! He went to his
directly they begin, and forget corner and his seconds sent him up for
everything theyve been taught, and the next round in the same state hed
where are they then? Why, on the floor, got there in. They hadnt done a thing
waiting for the referee to count them to him. Why, if Id been in his corner
out. Id have taken him and sponged him
This picture might have encouraged and sent him up again as fresh as he
Sheen more if he had not reflected that could be. You must have a good
he was just as likely to fall into this second if youre to win. When youre
error as were his opponents. all on top of your man, I dont say. But
What you want to remember is to you get a young gentleman of your own
keep that guard up. Nothing can beat class, just about as quick and strong as
that. And push out your left straight. you are, and then youll know where the
The straight left rules the boxing world. seconding comes in.
And be earnest about it. Be as friendly Then, for goodness sake, dont
as you like afterwards, but while youre make any mistake about coming down,
in the ring say to yourself, Well, its said Sheen.
you or me, and dont be too kind. Ill be there, sir, said Joe Bevan.
I wish you could come down to *****
second me, Joe, said Sheen. The Queens Avenue Gymnasium at
Ill have a jolly good try, sir, said Aldershot is a roomy place, but it is
Joe Bevan. Let me see. Youll be always crowded on the Public Schools
going down the night beforeI cant Day. Sisters and cousins and aunts of
SHEEN GOES TO ALDERSHOT 381
hold. It was plain that he had shot his the ribs early in the round took much of
bolt. The referee signed to his seconds, the sting out of the Paulines blows. He
who ducked into the ring and carried fought on with undiminished pluck, but
him to his corner. Sheen walked back the Riptonian was too strong for him,
to his own corner, and sat down. and the third round was a rout. To
Presently the referee called out his quote the Sportsman of the following
name as the winner, and he went across day, Peteiro crowded in a lot of work
the ring and shook hands with his with both hands, and scored a popular
opponent, who was now himself again. victory.
He overheard snatches of Sheen looked thoughtful at the
conversation as he made his way conclusion of the fight. There was no
through the crowd to the dressing-room. doubt that Drummonds antagonist of
Useful boxer, that Wrykyn boy. the previous year was formidable. Yet
Shortest fight Ive seen here since Sheen believed himself to be the
Hopley won the Heavy-Weights. cleverer of the two. At any rate, Peteiro
Fluke, do you think? had given no signs of possessing much
Dont know. Came to the same cunning. To all appearances he was a
thing in the end, anyhow. Caught him tough, go-ahead fighter, with a right
fair. which would drill a hole in a steel
Hard luck on that Tonbridge man. plate. Had he sufficient skill to baffle
Hes a good boxer, really. Did well his (Sheens) strong tactics? If only Joe
here last year. Bevan would come! With Joe in his
Then an outburst of hand-claps corner to direct him, he would feel safe.
drowned the speakers voices. A But of Joe up to the present there
swarthy youth with the Ripton pink and were no signs.
green on his vest had pushed past him Mr Spence came and sat down
and was entering the ring. As he beside him.
entered the dressing-room he heard the Well, Sheen, he said, so you won
referee announcing the names. So that your first fight. Keep it up.
was the famous Peteiro! Sheen Ill try, sir, said Sheen.
admitted to himself that he looked What do you think of Peteiro?
tough, and hurried into his coat and out I was just wondering, sir. He hits
of the dressing-room again so as to be very hard.
in time to see how the Ripton terror Very hard indeed.
shaped. But he doesnt look as if he was
It was plainly not a one-sided very clever.
encounter. Peteiros opponent hailed Not a bit. Just a plain slogger.
from St Pauls, a school that has a habit Thats all. Thats why Drummond beat
of turning out boxers. At the end of the him last year in the Feather-Weights. In
first round it seemed that honours were strength there was no comparison, but
even. The great Peteiro had taken as Drummond was just too clever for him.
much as he had given, and once had You will be the same, Sheen.
been uncompromisingly floored by the I hope so, sir, said Sheen.
Paulines left. But in the second round *****
he began to gain points. For a boy of After lunch the second act of the
his weight he had a terrific hit with the performance began. Sheen had to meet
right, and three applications of this to a boxer from Harrow who had drawn a
384 THE WHITE FEATHER
bye in the first round of the Go it, Ripton! cried a voice from
competition. This proved a harder fight near the door. The referee frowned in
than his first encounter, but by virtue of the direction of this audacious partisan,
a stout heart and a straight left he came and expressed a hope that the audience
through it successfully, and there was would kindly refrain from comment
no doubt as to what the decision would during the rounds.
be. Both judges voted for him. Then he turned to the ring again, and
Peteiro demolished a Radleian in his announced the names a second time.
next fight. SheenPeteiro.
By the middle of the afternoon there The Ripton man was sitting with a
were three light-weights in the running hand on each knee, listening to the
Sheen, Peteiro, and a boy from advice of his school instructor, who had
Clifton. Sheen drew the bye, and thrust head and shoulders through the
sparred in an outer room with a soldier, ropes, and was busy impressing some
who was inclined to take the thing point upon him. Sheen found himself
easily. Sheen, with the thought of the noticing the most trivial things with
final in his mind, was only too ready to extraordinary clearness. In the front
oblige him. They sparred an innocuous row of the spectators sat a man with a
three rounds, and the man of war was parti-coloured tie. He wondered idly
kind enough to whisper in his ear as what tie it was. It was rather like one
they left the room that he hoped he worn by members of Templars house
would win the final, and that he himself at Wrykyn. Why were the ropes of the
had a matter of one-and-sixpence with ring red? He rather liked the colour.
Old Spud Smith on his success. There was a man lighting a pipe.
For Im a man, said the amiable Would he blow out the match or
warrior confidentially, as knows Class extinguish it with a wave of the hand?
when he sees it. Youre Class, sir, What a beast Peteiro looked. He really
thats what you are. was a nigger. He must look out for that
This, taken in conjunction with the right of his. The straight left. Push it
fact that if the worst came to the worst out. Straight left ruled the boxing
he had, at any rate, won a medal by world. Where was Joe? He must have
having got into the final, cheered missed the train. Or perhaps he hadnt
Sheen. If only Joe Bevan had appeared been able to get away. Why did he
he would have been perfectly contented. want to yawn, he wondered.
But there were no signs of Joe. Time!
A GOOD FINISH The Ripton man became suddenly
active. He almost ran across the ring.
Final, Light-Weights, shouted the A brief handshake, and he had penned
referee. Sheen up in his corner before he had
A murmur of interest from the ring- time to leave it. It was evident what
side chairs. advice his instructor had been giving
R. D. Sheen, Wrykyn College. him. He meant to force the pace from
Sheen got his full measure of the start.
applause this time. His victories in the The suddenness of it threw Sheen
preliminary bouts had won him favour momentarily off his balance. He
with the spectators. seemed to be in a whirl of blows. A
J. Peteiro, Ripton School. sharp shock from behind. He had run
A GOOD FINISH 385
up against the post. Despite everything, were losing their force. Now he was
he remembered to keep his guard up, merely pushing his glove into the
and stopped a lashing hit from his Ripton mans face. It was not enough.
antagonists left. But he was too late to The other was getting to close quarters,
keep out his right. In it came, full on and that right of his seemed stronger
the weakest spot on his left side. The than ever.
pain of it caused him to double up for He was against the ropes now,
an instant, and as he did so his opponent gasping for breath, and Peteiros right
upper-cut him. There was no rest for was thudding against his ribs. It could
him. Nothing that he had ever not last. He gathered all his strength
experienced with the gloves on and put it into a straight left. It took the
approached this. If only he could get Ripton man in the throat, and drove him
out of this corner. back a step. He came on again. Again
Then, almost unconsciously, he Sheen stopped him.
recalled Joe Bevans advice. It was his last effort. He could do no
If a mans got you in a corner, Joe more. Everything seemed black to
had said, fall on him. him. He leaned against the ropes and
Peteiro made another savage swing. drank in the air in great gulps.
Sheen dodged it and hurled himself Time! said the referee.
forward. The word was lost in the shouts that
Break away, said a dispassionate rose from the packed seats.
official voice. Sheen tottered to his corner and sat
Sheen broke away, but now he was down.
out of the corner with the whole good, Keep it up, sir, keep it up, said a
open ring to manoeuvre in. voice. Beart that the opposed may
He could just see the Ripton beware of thee. Dont forget the guard.
instructor signalling violently to his And the straight left beats the world.
opponent, and, in reply to the signals, It was Joeat the eleventh hour.
Peteiro came on again with another With a delicious feeling of content
fierce rush. Sheen leaned back in his chair. It
But Sheen in the open was a would be all right now. He felt that the
different person from Sheen cooped up matter had been taken out of his hands.
in a corner. Francis Hunt had taught A more experienced brain than his
him to use his feet. He side-stepped, would look after the generalship of the
and, turning quickly, found his man fight.
staggering past him, over-balanced by As the moments of the half-minutes
the force of his wasted blow. And now rest slid away he discovered the truth of
it was Sheen who attacked, and Peteiro Joes remarks on the value of a good
who tried to escape. Two swift hits he second. In his other fights the napping
got in before his opponent could face of the towel had hardly stirred the hair
round, and another as he turned and on his forehead. Joes energetic arms
rushed. Then for a while the battle set a perfect gale blowing. The cool air
raged without science all over the ring. revived him. He opened his mouth and
Gradually, with a cold feeling of drank it in. A spongeful of cold water
dismay, Sheen realised that his strength completed the cure. Long before the
was going. The pace was too hot. He call of Time he was ready for the next
could not keep it up. His left counters round.
386 THE WHITE FEATHER
Keep away from him, sir, said Joe, simple little bit of information was just
and score with that left of yours. so much incriminating evidence against
Dont try the right yet. Keep it for Sheen.
guarding. Box clever. Dont let him Mr Spence said nothing, but he
corner you. Slip him when he rushes. opened his eyes very wide. Recalling
Cool and steady does it. Dont aim at his recent conversation with Sheen, he
his face too much. Go down below. remembered that the boy had told him
Thats the de-partment. And use your he had been taking lessons, and also
feet. Get about quick, and youll find that Joe Bevan, the ex-pugilist, had
he dont like that. Hullo, says he, I expressed a high opinion of his work.
cant touch him. Then, when hes tired, Mr Spence had imagined that Bevan
go in. had been a chance spectator of the
The pupil nodded with closed eyes. boys skill; but it would now seem that
While these words of wisdom were Bevan himself had taught Sheen. This
proceeding from the mouth of Mr matter, decided Mr Spence, must be
Bevan, another conversation was taking looked into, for it was palpable that
place which would have interested Sheen had broken bounds in order to
Sheen if he could have heard it. Mr attend Bevans boxing-saloon up the
Spence and the school instructor were river.
watching the final from the seats under For the present, however, Mr Spence
the side windows. was content to say nothing.
Its extraordinary, said Mr *****
Spence. The boys wonderfully good Sheen came up for the second round
for the short time he has been learning. fresh and confident. His head was
You ought to be proud of your pupil. clear, and his breath no longer came in
Sir? gasps. There was to be no rallying this
I was saying that Sheen does you time. He had had the worst of the first
credit. round, and meant to make up his lost
Not me, sir. points.
What! He told me he had been Peteiro, losing no time, dashed in.
taking lessons. Didnt you teach him? Sheen met him with a left in the face,
Never set eyes on him, till this and gave way a foot. Again Peteiro
moment. Wish I had, sir. Hes the sort rushed, and again he was stopped. As
of pupil I could wish for. he bored in for the third time Sheen
Mr Spence bent forward and scanned slipped him. The Ripton man paused,
the features of the man who was and dropped his guard for a moment.
attending the Wrykinian. Sheens left shot out once more, and
Why, he said, surely thats Bevan found its mark. Peteiro swung his right
Joe Bevan! I knew him at viciously, but without effect. Another
Cambridge. swift counter added one more point to
Yes, sir, thats Bevan, replied the Sheens score.
instructor. He teaches boxing at Sheen nearly chuckled. It was all so
Wrykyn now, sir. beautifully simple. What a fool he had
At Wrykynwhere? been to mix it up in the first round. If
Up the riverat the Blue Boar, he only kept his head and stuck to out-
sir, said the instructor, quite innocently fighting he could win with ease. The
for it did not occur to him that this man couldnt box. He was nothing
A GOOD FINISH 387
he ought to have been saving our lives With that medal in his pocket it cost
from the fury of the mob. Hadnt him no effort to make the confession.
somebody better bring the prisoner into Im glad of that. I mean, Im glad
the dock? we havent been such fools as we might
Ill go, said Linton promptly. I have been. You see, we only had
may be a little time, but dont get Stannings word to go on.
worried. Ill bring him all right. Sheen started.
He went upstairs to Sheens study, Stanning! he said. What do you
feeling like an impresario about to mean?
produce a new play which is sure to He was the chap who started the
create a sensation. story. Didnt you know? He told
Sheen was in. There was a ridge of everybody.
purple under his left eye, but he was I thought it was Drummond, said
otherwise intact. Sheen blankly. You remember
Gratulate you, Sheen, said Linton. meeting me outside his study the day
For an instant Sheen hesitated. He after? I thought he told you then.
had rehearsed this kind of scene in his Drummond! Not a bit of it. He
mind, and sometimes he saw himself swore you hadnt been with him at all.
playing a genial, forgiving, lets-say-no- He was as sick as anything when I said
more-about-it-we-all-make-mistakes- I thought Id seen you with him.
but-in-future! rle, sometimes being I Sheen stopped. I wish Id
cold haughty, and distant, and repelling known, he concluded. Then, after a
friendly advances with icy disdain. If pause, So it was Stanning!
anybody but Linton had been the first to Yes,conceited beast. Oh. I say.
congratulate him he might have decided Um?
on this second line of action. But he I see it all now. Joe Bevan taught
liked Linton, and wanted to be friendly you to box.
with him. Yes.
Thanks, he said. Then thats how you came to be at
Linton sat down on the table and the Blue Boar that day. Hes the
burst into a torrent of speech. Bevan who runs it.
You are a man! What did you want Thats his brother. Hes got a
to do it for? Where the dickens did you gymnasium up at the top. I used to go
learn to box? And why on earth, if you there every day.
can win silver medals at Aldershot, But I say, Great Scott, what are you
didnt you box for the house and smash going to do about that?
up that sidey ass Stanning? I say, look How do you mean?
here, I suppose we havent been making Why, Spence is sure to ask you who
idiots of ourselves all the time, have taught you to box. He must know you
we? didnt learn with the instructor. Then
I shouldnt wonder, said Sheen. itll all come out, and youll get
How? dropped on for going up the river and
I mean, you didWhat I mean to going to the pub.
say isOh, hang it, you know! You Perhaps he wont ask, said Sheen.
did cut off when we had that row in the Hope not. Oh, by the way
town, didnt you? Whats up?
Yes, said Sheen, I did. Just remembered what I came up
390 THE WHITE FEATHER
for. Its an awful rag. The senior day- come to the conclusion that this has got
room are going to court-martial you. a bit too thick.
Court-martial me! You mustnt talk in that chatty way,
For funking. They dont know Clayton, interrupted Linton.
about Aldershot, not a word. I bagged Prisoner at the bars the right
the Sportsman early, and hid it. They expression to use. Why dont you let
are going to get the surprise of their somebody else have a look in? Youre
lifetime. I said Id come up and fetch the rottenest president of a court-martial
you. I ever saw.
I shant go, said Sheen. Dont rag, Linton, said Clayton,
Linton looked alarmed. with an austere frown. This is
Oh, but I say, you must. Dont serious.
spoil the thing. Cant you see what a Glad you told me, said Linton.
rag itll be? Go on.
Im not going to sweat downstairs Cant you sit down, Linton! said
for the benefit of the senior day-room. Stanning.
I say, said Linton, Stannings I was only waiting for leave.
there. Thanks. You were saying something,
What! Clayton. It sounded pretty average rot,
Hes a witness, said Linton, but youd better unburden your soul.
grinning. The president resumed.
Sheen got up. We want to know if youve
Come on, he said. anything to say
Linton came on. You dont give him a chance, said
***** Linton. You bag the conversation so.
Down in the senior day-room the about disgracing the house.
court was patiently awaiting the By getting the Gotford, you know,
prisoner. Eager anticipation was Sheen, explained Linton. Clayton
stamped on its expressive features. thinks that works a bad habit, and
Beastly time he is, said Clayton. ought to be discouraged.
Clayton was acting as president. Clayton glared, and looked at
We shall have to buck up, said Stanning. He was not equal to the task
Stanning. Hullo, here he is at last. of tackling Linton himself.
Come in, Linton. Stanning interposed.
I was going to, said Linton, but Dont rot, Linton. We havent
thanks all the same. Come along, much time as it is.
Sheen. Sorry, said Linton.
Shut that door, Linton, said Youve let the house down
Stanning from his seat on the table. awfully, said Clayton.
All right, Stanning, said Linton. Yes? said Sheen.
Anything to oblige. Shall I bring up a Linton took the paper out of his
chair for you to rest your feet on? pocket, and smoothed it out.
Forge ahead, Clayton, said Seen the Sporter? he asked
Stanning to the president. casually. His neighbour grabbed at it.
The president opened the court- I thought it hadnt come, he said.
martial in unofficial phraseology. Good account of Aldershot, said
Look here, Sheen, he said, weve Linton.
A SURPRISE FOR SEYMOURS 391
TALES OF
ST. AUSTINS
by P. G. Wodehouse
1903
397
PREFACE
Most of these stories originally appeared in The Captain. I am indebted to the
Editor of that magazine for allowing me to republish. The rest are from the Public
School Magazine. The story entitled A Shocking Affair appears in print for the
first time. This was one of our failures.
P. G. Wodehouse
[Dedication]
AD MATREM
398 TALES OF ST. AUSTIN'S
Contents
HOW PILLINGSHOT SCORED.................................................399
THE ODD TRICK........................................................................403
LAFFAIRE UNCLE JOHN (A Story in Letters).........................407
I...........................................................................................................407
II.........................................................................................................408
III........................................................................................................408
IV........................................................................................................408
V.........................................................................................................409
VI.........................................................................................................410
VII........................................................................................................410
VIII......................................................................................................410
IX..........................................................................................................411
X...........................................................................................................411
HARRISONS SLIGHT ERROR....................................................412
BRADSHAWS LITTLE STORY...................................................417
A SHOCKING AFFAIR.................................................................421
THE BABE AND THE DRAGON................................................428
THE MANUVRES OF CHARTERIS........................................432
Chapter 1.............................................................................................432
Chapter 2............................................................................................436
Chapter 3.............................................................................................441
Chapter 4............................................................................................445
Chapter 5............................................................................................449
Chapter 6............................................................................................452
HOW PAYNE BUCKED UP........................................................458
I...........................................................................................................458
II..........................................................................................................459
AUTHOR!....................................................................................462
THE TABBY TERROR................................................................467
THE PRIZE POEM........................................................................471
WORK..........................................................................................476
NOTES.........................................................................................482
NOW, TALKING ABOUT CRICKET......................................486
THE TOM BROWN QUESTION...............................................490
HOW PILLINGSHOT SCORED 399
of the week he had had a slight out of school for about a week.
disagreement with M. Gerard, the Lucky beast. Wish somebody
French master. would come and hit me on the head.
Pillingshots views on behaviour and Come and hit me on the head, Parker.
deportment during French lessons did Come and have an ice, said Parker.
not coincide with those of M. Gerard. Right-ho, said Pillingshot. It was
Pillingshots idea of a French lesson one of his peculiarities, that whatever
was something between a pantomime the hour or the state of the weather, he
rally and a scrum at football. To him was always equal to consuming an ice.
there was something wonderfully This was probably due to genius. He
entertaining in the process of barging had an infinite capacity for taking
the end man off the edge of the form pains. Scarcely was he outside the
into space, and upsetting his books over promised ice when another misfortune
him. M. Gerard, however, had a very came upon him. Scott, of the First
undeveloped sense of humour. He Eleven, entered the shop. Pillingshot
warned the humorist twice, and on the liked Scott, but he was not blind to
thing happening a third time, suggested certain flaws in the latters character.
that he should go into extra lesson on For one thing, he was too energetic.
the ensuing Wednesday. For another, he could not keep his
So Pillingshot went, and copied out energy to himself. He was always
Virgil. making Pillingshot do things. And
He emerged from the room of Pillingshots notion of the ideal life was
detention at a quarter past four. As he complete dolce far niente.
came out into the grounds he espied in Ginger-beer, please, said Scott,
the middle distance somebody being with parched lips. He had been bowling
carried on a stretcher in the direction of at the nets, and the day was hot.
the School House. At the same moment Hullo! Pillingshot, you young slacker,
Parker loomed in sight, walking swiftly why arent you changed? Been bunking
towards the School shop, his mobile half-holiday games? Youd better
features shining with the rapt reform, young man.
expression of one who sees much Ive been in extra, said Pillingshot,
ginger-beer in the near future. with dignity.
Hullo, Parker, said Pillingshot, How many times does that make
whos the corpse? this term? Youre going for the record,
What, havent you heard? said arent you? Jolly sporting of you. Bit
Parker. Oh, no, of course, you were in slow in there, wasnt it? Nother
extra. Its young Brown. Hes stunned ginger-beer, please.
or something. Just a bit, said Pillingshot.
How did it happen? I thought so. And now youre dying
That rotter, Babington, in Dacres. for some excitement. Of course you
Simply slamming about, you know, are. Well, cut over to the House and
getting his eye in before going in, and change, and then come back and field at
Brown walked slap into one of his the nets. The man Yorke is going to
drives. Got him on the side of the bowl me some of his celebrated slow
head. tosh, and Im going to show him exactly
Much hurt? how Jessop does it when hes in form.
Oh, no, I dont think so. Keep him Scott was the biggest hitter in the
HOW PILLINGSHOT SCORED 401
School. Mr Yorke was one of the was in rare form, and Pillingshot
masters. He bowled slow leg-breaks, noticed with no small interest that,
mostly half-volleys and long hops. while he invariably hit Mr Yorkes
Pillingshot had a sort of instinctive idea deliveries a quarter of a mile or so, he
that fielding out in the deep with Mr never hit two balls in succession in the
Yorke bowling and Scott batting would same direction. As soon as the panting
not contribute largely to the gaiety of fieldsman had sprinted to one side of
his afternoon. Fielding deep at the nets the football ground and returned the
meant that you stood in the middle of ball, there was a beautiful, musical
the football field, where there was no plonk, and the ball soared to the very
telling what a ball would do if it came at opposite quarter of the field. It was a
you along the ground. If you were fine exhibition of hitting, but Pillingshot
lucky you escaped without injury. felt that he would have enjoyed it more
Generally, however, the ball bumped if he could have watched it from a deck-
and deprived you of wind or teeth, chair.
according to the height to which it rose. Youre coming on as a deep field,
He began politely, but firmly, to excuse young Pillingshot, said Scott, as he
himself. took off his pads. Youve got a knack
Dont talk rot, said Scott, of stopping them with your stomach,
complainingly, you must have some which the best first-class fields never
exercise or youll go getting fat. Think have. You ought to give lessons at it.
what a blow it would be to your family, Now well go and have some tea.
Pillingshot, if you lost your figure. If Pillingshot had had a more
Buck up. If youre back here in a intimate acquaintance with the classics,
quarter of an hour you shall have he would have observed at this point,
another ice. A large ice, Pillingshot, Timeo Danaos, and made a last dash
price sixpence. Think of it. for liberty in the direction of the shop.
The word ice, as has been remarked But he was deceived by the specious
before, touched chords in Pillingshots nature of Scotts remark. Visions rose
nature to which he never turned a deaf before his eyes of sitting back in one of
ear. Within the prescribed quarter of an Scotts armchairs, watching a fag
hour he was back again, changed. toasting muffins, which he would
Heres the ice, said Scott, Ive eventually dispatch with languid
been keeping it warm for you. Shovel it enjoyment. So he followed Scott to his
down. I want to be starting for the study. The classical parallel to his
nets. Quicker, man, quicker! Dont roll situation is the well-known case of the
it round your tongue as if it was port. oysters. They, too, were eager for the
Go for it. Finished? Thats right. treat.
Come on. They had reached the study, and
Pillingshot had not finished, but Pillingshot was about to fling himself,
Scott so evidently believed that he had, with a sigh of relief, into the most
that it would have been unkind to have comfortable chair, when Scott
mentioned the fact. He followed the unmasked his batteries.
smiter to the nets. Oh, by the way, he said, with a
If Pillingshot had passed the earlier coolness which to Pillingshot appeared
part of the afternoon in a sedentary simply brazen, Im afraid my fag wont
fashion, he made up for it now. Scott be here today. The young crocks gone
402 TALES OF ST. AUSTIN'S
and got mumps, or the plague, or Good man. Now we might almost
something. So would you mind just begin.
lighting that stove? Itll be rather Beastly thing that accident of young
warm, but that wont matter. There are Browns, wasnt it? said Scott. Chaps
some muffins in the cupboard. You oughtnt to go slamming about like that
might weigh in with them. Youll find with the field full of fellows. I suppose
the toasting-fork on the wall he wont be right by next Saturday?
somewhere. Its hanging up. Got it? Not a chance. Why? Oh, yes, I
Good man. Fire away. forgot. He was to have scored for the
And Scott collected five cushions, team at Windybury, wasnt he?
two chairs, and a tin of mixed biscuits, Who are you going to get now?
and made himself comfortable. Venables was captain of the St
Pillingshot, with feelings too deep for Austins team. The match next
words (in the then limited state of his Saturday was at Windybury, on the
vocabulary), did as he was requested. latters ground.
There was something remarkable about I havent settled, said Venables.
the way Scott could always get people But its easy to get somebody. Scoring
to do things for him. He seemed to take isnt one of those things which only one
everything for granted. If he had had chap in a hundred understands.
occasion to hire an assassin to make Then Pillingshot had an ideaa
away with the German Emperor, he great, luminous idea.
would have said, Oh, I say, you might May I score? he asked, and waited
run over to Germany and kill the trembling with apprehension lest the
Kaiser, will you, theres a good chap? request be refused.
Dont be long. And he would have All right, said Venables, I dont
taken a seat and waited, without the see any reason why you shouldnt. We
least doubt in his mind that the thing have to catch the 8.14 at the station.
would be carried through as desired. Dont you go missing it or anything.
Pillingshot had just finished toasting Rather not, said Pillingshot. Not
the muffins, when the door opened, and much.
Venables, of Merevales, came in. *****
I thought I heard you say something On Saturday morning, at exactly
about tea this afternoon, Scott, said 9.15, Mr Mellish distributed the Livy
Venables. I just looked in on the papers. When he arrived at
chance. Good Heavens, man! Fancy Pillingshots seat and found it empty, an
muffins at this time of year! Do you expression passed over his face like
happen to know what the thermometer unto that of the baffled villain in
is in the shade? transpontine melodrama.
Take a seat, said Scott. I attribute Where is Pillingshot? he demanded
my entire success in life to the fact that tragically. Where is he?
I never find it too hot to eat muffins. Hes gone with the team to
Do you know Pillingshot? One of the Windybury, sir, said Parker, struggling
hottest fieldsmen in the School. At to conceal a large size in grins. Hes
least, he was just now. Hes probably going to score.
cooled off since then. Venables- No, said Mr Mellish sadly to
Pillingshot, and vice versa. Buck up himself, he has scored.
with the tea, Pillingshot. What, ready?
THE ODD TRICK 403
warmest minute of a chequered career. to Tony, how like a bat those bits of
Tony, like Brer Rabbit, had laid low grass sound! You have to be jolly smart
until he was certain of the direction to know where a noise comes from,
from which the sound proceeded. He dont you!
had then slipped out of bed, crawled Tony grunted disgustedly, and
across the floor in a snake-like manner walked back again to the beginning of
which would have done credit to a Red his run.
Indian, found the tin, and traced the If ever, in the whole history of
string to its owner. Harrison emerged cricket, a man was out leg-before-
from the encounter feeling sore and wicket, Scott was so out to Tonys
unfit for any further recreation. This second ball. It was hardly worth
deed of the night left its impression on appealing for such a certainty. Still, the
Harrison. The account had to be formality had to be gone through.
squared somehow, and in a few days his How was that? inquired Tony.
chance came. Merevales were playing Not out. Its an awful pity, dont
a friendly with the School House, and you think, that they dont bring in that
in default of anybody better, Harrison new leg-before rule?
had been pressed into service as Seems to me, said Tony bitterly,
umpire. This in itself had annoyed the old rule holds pretty good when a
him. Cricket was not in his linehe mans legs bang in front.
was not one of your flannelled fools- Rather. But you see the ball didnt
and of all things in connection with the pitch straight, and the rule says
game he loathed umpiring most. Oh, all right, said Tony.
When, however, Tony came on to The next ball Scott hit for four, and
bowl at his end, vice Charteris, who had the next after that for a couple. The
been hit for three fours in an over by fifth was a yorker, and just grazed the
Scott, the School slogger, he recognized leg stump. The sixth was a beauty.
that even umpiring had its advantages, You could see it was going to beat the
and resolved to make the most of the batsman from the moment it left Tonys
situation. hand. Harrison saw it perfectly.
Scott had the bowling, and he lashed No ball, he shouted. And just as he
out at Tonys first ball in his usual spoke Scotts off-stump ricocheted
reckless style. There was an audible towards the wicket-keeper.
click, and what the sporting papers call Heavens, man, said Tony, fairly
confident appeals came simultaneously roused out of his cricket manners, a
from Welch, Merevales captain, who very unusual thing for him. Ill swear
was keeping wicket, and Tony himself. my foot never went over the crease.
Even Scott seemed to know that his Look, theres the mark.
time had come. He moved a step or two Rather not. Only, you see, it
away from the wicket, but stopped seemed to me you chucked that time.
before going farther to look at the Of course, I know you didnt mean to,
umpire, on the off-chance of a miracle and all that sort of thing, but still, the
happening to turn his decision in the rules
batsmans favour. Tony would probably have liked to
The miracle happened. have said something very forcible about
Not out, said Harrison. the rules at this point, but it occurred to
Awfully curious, he added genially him that after all Harrison was only
THE ODD TRICK 405
within his rights, and that it was bad game was only a friendly. Why will
form to dispute the umpires decision. you let your angry passions rise, Tony?
Harrison walked off towards square-leg Youve wrecked your analysis by it,
with a holy joy. though its improved my average
But he was too much of an artist to considerably. I dont know if thats any
overdo the thing. Tonys next over solid satisfaction to you.
passed off without interference. It isnt.
Possibly, however, this was because it You dont say so! Well, so long. If
was a very bad one. After the third over I were you, I should keep an eye on that
he asked Welch if he could get conscientious umpire.
somebody else to umpire, as he had I will, said Tony. Good-night.
work to do. Welch heaved a sigh of The process of keeping an eye on
relief, and agreed readily. Harrison brought no results. When he
Conscientious sort of chap that wished to behave himself well, he
umpire of yours, said Scott to Tony, could. On such occasions Sandford and
after the match. Scott had made a Merton were literally not in it with him,
hundred and four, and was feeling and the hero of a Sunday-school story
pleased. Considering hes in your would simply have refused to compete.
House, hes awfully fair. But Nemesis, as the poets tell us,
You mean that we generally though no sprinter, manages, like the
swindle, I suppose? celebrated Maisie, to get right there in
Of course not, you rotter. You time. Give her time, and she will
know what I mean. But, I say, that arrive. She arrived in the case of
catch Welch and you appealed for must Harrison. One morning, about a
have been a near thing. I could have fortnight after the House-match
sworn I hit it. incident, Harrison awoke with a new
Of course you did. It was clean sensation. At first he could not tell
out. So was the lbw. I say, did you what exactly this sensation was, and
think that ball that bowled you was a being too sleepy to discuss nice points
chuck? That one in my first over, you of internal emotion with himself, was
know. just turning over with the intention of
Chuck! My dear Tony, you dont going to sleep again, when the truth
mean to say that man pulled you up for flashed upon him. The sensation he felt
chucking? I thought your foot must was loneliness, and the reason he felt
have gone over the crease. lonely was because he was the only
I believe the chaps mad, said occupant of the dormitory. To right and
Tony. left and all around were empty beds.
Perhaps hes taking it out of you As he mused drowsily on these
this way for treading on his corns portents, the distant sound of a bell
somehow. Have you been milling with came to his ears and completed the
this gentle youth lately? cure. It was the bell for chapel. He
By Jove, said Tony, youre right. dragged his watch from under his
I gave him beans only the other night pillow, and looked at it with
for ragging in the dormitory. consternation. Four minutes to seven.
Scott laughed. And chapel was at seven. Now
Well, he seems to have been getting Harrison had been late for chapel
a bit of his own back today. Lucky the before. It was not the thought of
406 TALES OF ST. AUSTIN'S
5.30 came in all right, but none of the business. Write soon, though I know
passengers seemed to answer to the you wontYours ever, Dick
description. The ones who were tall
were not good looking, and the only
man who was good looking stood five II
feet nothing in his boots. I did ask him
if he was Mr John Dalgliesh; but, his Telegram from Major-General Sir
name happening to be Robinson, he Everard Venables, V.C., K.C.M.G., to
could not oblige. I sat out a couple his son Richard Venables:
more trains, and then went back to the Venables, St Austins. What all this
field. The man had gone, but Biffen about Uncle John. Says were grossly
was still there. Was you expecting rude. Write explanation next post-
anyone today, sir? he asked, as I came Venables.
up. Yes. Why? I said. That was
im, said Biffen. By skilful
questioning, I elicited the whole thing. III
It seems that the fearsome bargee, in
checks, was the governors tall, good- Letter from Mrs James Anthony (nee
looking man; in other words, Uncle Miss Dorothy Venables) to her brother
John himself. He had come by the 4.30, Richard Venables:
I suppose. Anyway, there he was, and I Dear DickWhat have you been
had insulted him badly. Biffen told me doing to Uncle John? Jim and I are
that he had asked who I was, and that he stopping for a fortnight with father, and
(Biffen) had given the information, have just come in for the whole thing.
while he was thinking of something else Uncle Johnisnt he a horrible man?
to say to him about his digging. By the says you were grossly insolent to him
way, I suppose he dug from force of when he went down to see you. Do
habit. Thought hed find diamonds, write and tell me all about it. I have
perhaps. When Biffen told him this, he heard no details as yet. Father refuses
said in a nasty voice: Then, when he to give them, and gets simply furious
comes back will you have the goodness when the matter is mentioned. Jim said
to tell him that my name is John at dinner last night that a conscientious
Dalgliesh, and that he will hear more of boy would probably feel bound to be
this. And Im uncommonly afraid I rude to Uncle John. Father said
shall. The governor bars Uncle John Conscience be; I forget the rest, but
awfully, I know, but he wanted me to be it was awful. Jim says if he gets any
particularly civil to him, because he was worse we shall have to sit on his head,
to get me a place in some beastly firm and cut the traces. He is getting so
when I leave. I havent heard from dreadfully horsey. Do write the very
home yet, but I expect to soon. Still, Id minute you get this. I want to know all
like to know how I could stand and about it.Your affectionate sister,
watch him ruining the wicket for our Dorothy
spot match of the season. As it is, it
wont be as good as it would have
been. The Rugborough slow man will IV
be unplayable if he can find one of
these spots. Altogether, its a beastly Part of Letter from Richard
LAFFAIRE UNCLE JOHN(A STORY IN LETTERS) 409
Venables, of St Austins, to his father thats the fellow who stopped a week at
Major-General Sir Everard Venables, home a few years ago; I dont know
V.C., K.C.M.G.: whether you remember him. He got out
... So you see it was really his fault. in the first over, caught off a ball that
The Emperor of Germany has no right pitched where Uncle John had been
to come and dig holes in our best prospecting, and jumped up. It was
wicket. Take a parallel case. Suppose rotten luck, of course, and worse was to
some idiot of a fellow (not that Uncle follow, for by half-past five we had
Johns that, of course, but you know eight wickets down for just over the
what I mean) came and began rooting hundred, and only young Scott, whos
up your azaleas. Wouldnt you want to simply a slogger, and another fellow to
say something cutting? I will apologize come in. Well, Scott came in. I had
to Uncle John, if you like; but still, I do made about sixty then, and was fairly
think he might have gone somewhere well setand he started simply
else if he really wanted to dig. So you mopping up the bowling. He gave a
see, etc., etc. chance every over as regular as
clockwork, and it was always missed,
and then he would make up for it with
V two or three tremendous whangsa
safe four every time. It wasnt batting.
Letter from Richard Venables, of St It was more like golf. Well, this went
Austins, to his sister Mrs James on for some time, and we began to get
Anthony: hopeful again, having got a hundred and
Dear DollyThanks awfully for eighty odd. I just kept up my wicket,
your letter, and thank Jim for his while Scott hit. Then he got caught,
message. Hes a ripper. Im awfully and the last man, a fellow called Moore,
glad you married him and not that came in. Id put him in the team as a
rotter, Thompson, who used to hang on bowler, but he could bat a little, too, on
so. I hope the most marvellous infant occasions, and luckily this was one of
on earth is flourishing. And now about them. There were only eleven to win,
Uncle John. Really, I am jolly glad I and I had the bowling. I was feeling
did say all that to him. We played awfully fit, and put their slow man
Rugborough yesterday, and the wicket clean over the screen twice running,
was simply vile. They won the toss, which left us only three to get. Then it
and made two hundred and ten. Of was over, and Moore played the fast
course, the wicket was all right at one man in grand style, though he didnt
end, and thats where they made most score. Well, I got the bowling again,
of their runs. I was wicket-keeping as and half-way through the over I carted a
usual, and I felt awfully ashamed of the half-volley into the Pav., and that gave
beastly pitch when their captain asked us the match. Moore hung on for a bit
me if it was the football-field. Of and made about ten, and then got
course, he wouldnt have said that if he bowled. We made 223 altogether, of
hadnt been a pal of mine, but it was which I had managed to get seventy-
probably what the rest of the team eight, not out. It pulls my average up a
thought, only they were too polite to say good bit. Rather decent, isnt it? The
so. When we came to bat it was worse fellows rotted about a good deal, and
than ever. I went in first with Welch- chaired me into the Pav., but it was
410 TALES OF ST. AUSTIN'S
Scott who won us the match, I think. seemed to worry him. He talked a good
He made ninety-four. But Uncle John deal about it. Glad you came off
nearly did for us with his beastly against Rugborough.Yours ever, A.
walking-stick. On a good wicket we Venables
might have made any number. I dont
know how the affair will end. Keep me
posted up in the governors symptoms, VII
and write again soon.Your
affectionate brother, Dick From Mr John Dalgliesh to Mr
PS.On looking over this letter, I Philip Mortimer, of Penge:
find I have taken it for granted that you Dear SirIn reply to your letter of
know all about the Uncle John affair. the 18th inst., I shall be happy to
Probably you do, but, in case you dont, recommend your son, Reginald, for the
it was this way. You see, I was going, vacant post in the firm of Messrs Van
etc., etc. Nugget, Diomonde, and Mynes, African
merchants. I have written them to that
effect, and you will, doubtless, receive a
VI communication from them shortly.I
am, my dear sir, yours faithfully, J.
From Archibald Venables, of Kings Dalgliesh
College, Cambridge, to Richard
Venables, of St Austins:
Dear DickJust a line to thank you VIII
for your letter, and to tell you that since
I got it I have had a visit from the great From Richard Venables, of St
Uncle John, too. He is an outsider, if Austins, to his father Major-General
you like. I gave him the best lunch I Sir Everard Venables, V.C., K.C.M.G.:
could in my rooms, and the man started Dear FatherUncle John writes, in
a long lecture on extravagance. He answer to my apology, to say that no
doesnt seem to understand the apologies will meet the case; and that he
difference between the Varsity and a has given his nomination in that rotten
private school. He kept on asking City firm of his to a fellow called
leading questions about pocket-money Mortimer. But rather a decent thing has
and holidays, and wanted to know if my happened. There is a chap here I know
master allowed me to walk in the streets pretty well, who is the son of Lord
in that waistcoata remark which cut Marmaduke Twistleton, and it appears
me to the quick, that waistcoat being that the dook himself was down
quite the most posh thing of the sort in watching the Rugborough match, and
Cambridge. He then enquired after my liked my batting. He came and talked
studies; and, finally, when I saw him off to me after the match, and asked me
at the station, said that he had decided what I was going to do when I left, and
not to tip me, because he was afraid that I said I wasnt certain, and he said that,
I was inclined to be extravagant. I was if I hadnt anything better on, he could
quite kind to him, however, in spite of give me a place on his estate up in
everything; but I was glad you had Scotland, as a sort of land-agent, as he
spoken to him like a father. The wanted a chap who could play cricket,
recollection of it soothed me, though it because he was keen on the game
LAFFAIRE UNCLE JOHN(A STORY IN LETTERS) 411
himself, and always had a lot going on Venables, St Austins. Very well.
in the summer up there. So he says Venables
that, if I go up to the Varsity for three
years, he can guarantee me the place
when I come down, with a jolly good X
screw and a ripping open-air life, with
lots of riding, and so on, which is just Extract from Letter from Richard
what Ive always wanted. So, can I? Venables, of St Austins, to his father
Its the sort of opportunity that wont Major-General Sir Everard Venables,
occur again, and you know you always V.C., K.C.M.G.:
said the only reason I couldnt go up to ... Thanks, awfully
the Varsity was, that it would be a Extract from The Austinian of
waste of time. But in this case, you see, October:
it wont, because he wants me to go, The following O.A.s have gone into
and guarantees me the place when I residence this year: At Oxford, J.
come down. Itll be awfully fine, if I Scrymgeour, Corpus Christi; R.
may. I hope youll see it.Your Venables, Trinity; K. Crespigny-Brown,
affectionate son, Dick Balliol.
PS.I think hes writing to you. He Extract from the Daily Mails
asked your address. I think Uncle account of the Varsity match of the
Johns a rotter. I sent him a rattling fine following summer:
apology, and this is how he treats it. ... The St Austins freshman,
But itll be all right if you like this land- Venables, fully justified his inclusion
agent idea. If you like, you might wire by scoring a stylish fifty-seven. He hit
your answer. eight fours, and except for a miss-hit in
the slips, at 51, which Smith might
possibly have secured had he started
IX sooner, gave nothing like a chance.
Venables, it will be remembered,
Telegram from Major-General Sir played several good innings for Oxford
Everard Venables, V.C., K.C.M.G., to in the earlier matches, notably, his not
his son Richard Venables, of St out contribution of 103 against Sussex
Austins:
412 TALES OF ST. AUSTIN'S
steadily back, and quenched it. When What? Not really? Why, I thought
he arrived at Merevales, he went first we had to keep to this room. One of the
to the matrons room. Has Venables chaps told me so.
come back yet? he asked. Trying to green you, probably. You
Venables was the head of must look out for that sort of thing. Ill
Merevales House, captain of the show you the way to your study, if you
School cricket, wing three-quarter of like. Come along upstairs.
the School Fifteen, and a great man Thanks, awfully. Its awfully good
altogether. of you, said the gratified unknown, and
Yes, said the matron, he came they went upstairs together.
back early this afternoon. One of the doors which they passed
Harrison knew it. Venables always on their way was open, disclosing to
came back early on the last day of the view a room which, though bare at
holidays. present, looked as if it might be made
He was upstairs a short while ago, exceedingly comfortable.
continued the matron. He was putting Thats my den, said Harrison. It
his study tidy. was perhaps lucky that Graham, to
Harrison knew it. Venables always whom the room belonged, in fact, as
put his study tidy on the last day of the opposed to fiction, did not hear the
holidays. He took a keen and perfectly remark. Graham and Harrison were old
justifiable pride in his study, which was and tried foes. This is yours.
the most luxurious in the House. Harrison pushed open another door at
Is he there now? asked Harrison. the end of the passage.
No. He has gone over to see the His companion stared blankly at the
Headmaster. Oriental luxury which met his eye.
Thanks, said Harrison, it doesnt But, I say, he said, are you sure?
matter. It wasnt anything important. This seems to be occupied already.
He retired triumphant. Things were Oh, no, thats all right, said
going excellently well for his scheme. Harrison, airily. The chap who used to
His next act was to go to the fags be here left last term. He didnt know
room, where, as he had expected, he he was going to leave till it was too late
found his friend of the train. Luck to pack up all his things, so he left his
continued to be with him. The study as it was. All youve got to do is
unknown was alone. to cart the things out into the passage
Hullo! said Harrison. and leave them there. The Mokell take
Hullo! said the fellow-traveller. em away.
He had resolved to follow Harrisons The Moke was the official who
lead. If Harrison was bringing war, combined in a single body the duties of
then war let it be. If, however, his butler and bootboy at Merevales
intentions were friendly, he would be House. Oh, right-ho! said the
friendly too. unknown, and Harrison left him.
I didnt know you were coming to Harrisons idea was that when
Merevales. Its the best House in the Venables returned and found an
School. absolute stranger placidly engaged in
Oh! wrecking his carefully-tidied study, he
Yes, for one thing, everybody would at once, and without making
except the kids has a study. inquiries, fall upon that absolute
HARRISONS SLIGHT ERROR 415
stranger and blot him off the face of the furniture out of the study?
earth. Afterwards it might possibly Harrison turned a delicate shade of
come out that he, Harrison, had been green.
not altogether unconnected with the Yourerbrother? he gurgled.
business, and then, he was fain to admit, Yes. I ought to have told you my
there might be trouble. But he was a brother was coming to the Coll. this
youth who never took overmuch heed term. I told the Old Man and Merevale
for the morrow. Sufficient unto the day and the rest of the authorities. Cant
was his motto. And, besides, it was make out why I forgot you. Slipped my
distinctly worth risking. The main mind somehow. However, you seem to
point, and the one with which alone the have been doing the square thing by
House would concern itself, was that he him, showing him round and so on.
had completely taken in, scored off, and Very good of you.
overwhelmed the youth who had done Harrison smiled feebly. Venables
as much by him in the train, and his junior grinned. What seemed to
reputation as one not to be lightly trifled Harrison a mystery was how the
with would be restored to its former brothers had managed to arrive at the
brilliance. Anything that might happen School at different times. The
between himself and Venables explanation of which was in reality very
subsequently would be regarded as a simple. The elder Venables had been
purely private matter between man and spending the last week of the holidays
man, affecting the main point not at all. with MacArthur, the captain of the St
About an hour later a small Austins Fifteen, the same being a day
Merevalian informed Harrison that boy, suspended within a mile of the
Venables wished to see him in his School.
study. He went. Experience had taught But what I cant make out, went on
him that when the Head of the House Venables, relentlessly, is this furniture
sent for him, it was as a rule as well to business. To the best of my knowledge
humour his whim and go. He was I didnt leave suddenly at the end of last
prepared for a good deal, for he had term. Ill ask if you like, to make sure,
come to the conclusion that it was but I fancy youll find youve been
impossible for him to preserve his mistaken. Must have been thinking of
incognito in the matter, but he was someone else. Anyhow, we thought
certainly not prepared for what he saw. you must know best, so we lugged all
Venables and the stranger were the furniture out into the passage, and
seated in two armchairs, apparently on now it appears theres been a mistake of
the very best of terms with one another. sorts, and the stuff ought to be inside all
And this, in spite of the fact that these the time. So would you mind putting it
two armchairs were the only furniture back again? Wed help you, only were
left in the study. The rest, as he had going out to the shop to get some tea.
noted with a grin before he had knocked You might have it done by the time we
at the door, was picturesquely scattered get back. Thanks, awfully.
about the passage. Harrison coughed nervously, and
Hullo, Harrison, said Venables, I rose to a point of order.
wanted to see you. There seems to have I was going out to tea, too, he said.
been a slight mistake somewhere. Did Im sorry, but I think youll have to
you tell my brother to shift all the scratch the engagement, said Venables.
416 TALES OF ST. AUSTIN'S
Bradshaw, you worm, he said. They both deal largely in bloodshed, for
Arent you going to do any work? instance. As events proved, the
Think not. Whats the good? Cant Euripides paper, like many things which
get up a whole play of Euripides in two seem formidable at a distance, was not
hours. nearly so bad as I had expected. I did a
Mellishll give you beans. fair-to-moderate paper, and Kendal and
Let him. White both seemed satisfied with
Youll get a jolly bad report. themselves. Bradshaw confessed
Shant get a report at all. I always without emotion that he had only
intercept it before my guardian can get attempted the last half of the last
it. He never says anything. question, and on being pressed for
Mellishll probably run you in to the further information, merely laughed
Old Man, said White, the fourth mysteriously, and said vaguely that it
occupant of the study. would be all right.
Bradshaw turned on us with a It now became plain that he had
wearied air. something up his sleeve. We expressed
Oh, do give us a rest, he said. a unanimous desire to know what it
Here you are just going to do a most was.
important exam., and you sit jawing You might tell a chap, I said.
away as if you were paid for it. Oh, I Out with it, Bradshaw, or well
say, by the way, whos setting the paper lynch you, added Kendal.
tomorrow? Bradshaw, however, was not to be
Mellish, of course, said White. drawn. Much of his success in the
No, he isnt, I said. Shows what a paths of crime, both at school and
lot you know about it. Mellish is afterwards, was due to his secretive
setting the Livy paper. habits. He never permitted
Then, whos doing this one? asked accomplices.
Bradshaw. On the following Wednesday the
Yorke. marks were read out. Out of a possible
Yorke was the master of the Upper hundred I had obtained sixtywhich
Fifth. He generally set one of the upper pleased me very much indeedWhite,
fourth book-papers. fifty-five, Kendal, sixty-one. The
Certain? said Bradshaw. unspeakable Bradshaws net total was
Absolutely. four.
Thanks. Thats all I wanted to Mellish always read out bad marks
know. By Jove, I advise you chaps to in a hushed voice, expressive of disgust
read this. Its grand. Shall I read out and horror, but four per cent was too
this bit about a fight? much for him. He shouted it, and the
No! we shouted virtuously, all form yelled applause, until Ponsonby
together, though we were dying to hear came in from the Upper Fifth next door
it, and we turned once more to the with Mr Yorkes compliments, and
loathsome inanitis of the second would we recollect that his form were
chorus. If we had been doing Homer, trying to do an examination.
we should have felt more in touch with When order had been restored,
Bradshaw. Theres a good deal of Mellish settled his glasses and glared
similarity, when you come to compare through them at Bradshaw, who, it may
them, between Homer and Haggard. be remarked, had not turned a hair.
BRADSHAWS LITTLE STORY 419
I said nothing, but it was to me that knowing what it was, and then, as the
the wounded one addressed himself. only way of not taking an unfair
You utter ass, he said, in tones of advantage, I did as badly as I could in
concentrated venom. the exam. That was what I told
Look here, Bradshaw I began, Mellish. Any beak would have
protestingly. swallowed it.
Its all through youyou idiot, he Well, didnt he?
snarled. I got twelve. Mellish did all right, but the rotter
Twelve isnt so dusty, said White, couldnt keep it to himself. Went and
critically. Most I ever got was six. told the Old Man. The Old Man sent
But why was it? asked Kendal. for me. He was as decent as anything at
Thats what we want to know. What first. That was just his guile. He made
have you been and gone and done? me describe exactly where I had seen
Its about that Euripides paper, said the paper, and so on. That was rather
Bradshaw. risky, of course, but I put it as vaguely
Ah! said Kendal. as I could. When I had finished, he
Yes, I dont mind telling you about suddenly whipped round, and said,
it now. When Mellish had me up after Bradshaw, why are you telling me all
school today, Id got my yarn all ready. these lies? Thats the sort of thing that
There wasnt a flaw in it anywhere as makes you feel rather a wreck. I was
far as I could see. My idea was this. I too surprised to say anything.
told him Id been to Yorkes room the I can guess the rest, said Kendal.
day before the exam, to ask him if he But how on earth did he know it was
had any marks for us. That was all all lies? Why didnt you stick to your
right. Yorke was doing the two Unseen yarn?
papers, and it was just the sort of thing a And, besides, I put in, where do I
fellow would do to go and ask him come in? I dont see what Ive got to
about the marks. do with it.
Well? Bradshaw eyed me fiercely. Why,
Then when I got there he was out, the whole thing was your fault, he
and I looked about for the marks, and said. You told me Yorke was setting
on the table I saw the Euripides paper. the paper.
By Jove! said Kendal. We began Well, so he did, didnt he?
to understand, and to realize that here No, he didnt. The Old Man set it
was a master-mind. himself, said Bradshaw, gloomily.
Well, of course, I read it, not
A SHOCKING AFFAIR 421
A SHOCKING AFFAIR
The Bradshaw who appears in the with full notes. This term the book had
following tale is the same youth who been Thucydides, Book II, with regard
figures as the heroor villain, label to which I may echo the words of a
him as you likeof the preceding certain critic when called upon to give
equally veracious narrative. I mention his candid opinion of a friends first
this because I should not care for you to novel, I dare not say what I think about
go away with the idea that a waistcoat that book.
marked with the name of Bradshaw About a week before the
must of necessity cover a scheming commencement of the examinations, the
heart. It may, however, be noticed that ordinary night-work used to cease, and
a good many members of the Bradshaw we were supposed, during that week, to
family possess a keen and rather sinister be steadily going over the old ground
sense of the humorous, inherited and arming ourselves for the
doubtless from their great ancestor, the approaching struggle. There were, I
dry wag who wrote that monument of suppose, people who actually did do
quiet drollery, Bradshaws Railway this, but for my own part I always used
Guide. So with the hero of my story. to regard those seven days as a blessed
Frederick Wackerbath Bradshaw period of rest, set apart specially to
was, as I have pointed out, my enable me to keep abreast of the light
contemporary at St Austins. We were fiction of the day. And most of the
in the same House, and together we form, so far as I know, thought the
sported on the greenand elsewhere- same. It was only on the night before
and did our best to turn the majority of the examination that one began to revise
the staff of masters into confirmed in real earnest. Ones methods on that
pessimists, they in the meantime night resolved themselves into sitting in
endeavouring to do the same by us with a chair and wondering where to begin.
every weapon that lay to their hand. Just as one came to a decision, it was
And the worst of these weapons were bedtime.
the end-of-term examination papers. Bradshaw, I said, as I reached page
Mellish was our form-master, and once 103 without having read a line, do you
a term a demon entered into Mellish. know any likely bits?
He brooded silently apart from the Bradshaw looked up from his book.
madding crowd. He wandered through He was attempting to get a general idea
dry places seeking rest, and at intervals of Thucydides style by reading
he would smile evilly, and jot down a Pickwick.
note on the back of an envelope. These What? he said.
notes, collected and printed closely on I obliged with a repetition of my
the vilest paper, made up the remark.
examination questions. Likely bits? Oh, you mean for the
Our form read two authors a term, Thucydides. I dont know. Mellish
one Latin and one Greek. It was the never sets the bits any decent ordinary
Greek that we feared most. Mellish had individual would set. I should take my
a sort of genius for picking out chance if I were you.
absolutely untranslatable passages, and What are you going to do?
desiring us (in print) to render the same Im going to read Pickwick.
422 TALES OF ST. AUSTIN'S
Thicksides doesnt come within a mile jolly rank paper too, I said,
of it. remembering that the sceptic is
I thought so too. sometimes vouchsafed revelations to
But how about tomorrow? which the most devout believer may not
Oh, I shant be there, he said, as if aspire. It is, for instance, always the
it were the most ordinary of statements. young man who scoffs at ghosts that the
Not there! Why, have you been family spectre chooses as his audience.
sacked? But it required more than a mere sneer
This really seemed the only possible or an empty gibe to pump information
explanation. Such an event would not out of Bradshaw. He took me up at
have come as a surprise. It was always once.
a matter for wonder to me why the Whatll you bet? he said.
authorities never sacked Bradshaw, or Now I was prepared to wager
at the least requested him to leave. imaginary sums to any extent he might
Possibly it was another case of the ass have cared to name, but as my actual
and the bundles of hay. They could not worldly wealth at that moment
make up their minds which special consisted of one penny, and my
misdemeanour of his to attack first. expectations were limited to the shilling
No, Ive not been sacked, said pocket-money which I should receive
Bradshaw. on the following Saturdayhalf of
A light dawned upon me. which was already mortgagedit
Oh, I said, youre going to behoved me to avoid doing anything
slumber in. For the benefit of the rash with my ready money. But, since a
uninitiated, I may mention that to refusal would have meant the downfall
slumber in is to stay in the House of my arguments, I was obliged to name
during school on a pretence of illness. a figure. I named an even sixpence.
That, replied the man of mystery, After all, I felt, I must win. By what
with considerable asperity, is exactly means, other than illness, could
the silly rotten kids idea that would Bradshaw possibly avoid putting in an
come naturally to a complete idiot like appearance at the Thucydides
you. examination?
As a rule, I resent being called a All right, said Bradshaw, an even
complete idiot, but this was not the time sixpence. Youll lose.
for asserting ones personal dignity. I Slumbering in barred.
had to know what Bradshaws scheme Of course.
for evading the examination was. Real illness barred too, I said.
Perhaps there might be room for two in Bradshaw is a man of resource, and has
it; in which case I should have been been known to make himself genuinely
exceedingly glad to have lent my moral ill in similar emergencies.
support to it. I pressed for an Right you are. Slumbering in and
explanation. real illness both barred. Anything else
You may jaw, said Bradshaw at youd like to bar?
last, as much as you jolly well please, I thought.
but Im not going to give this away. All No. Unless an idea struck me
youre going to know is that I shant be Youre not going to run away?
there tomorrow. Bradshaw scorned to answer the
I bet you are, and I bet you do a question.
A SHOCKING AFFAIR 423
Now youd better buck up with your the decency to appear at least by three
work, he said, opening his book again. minutes past.
Youve got about as long odds as Has anybody seen Bradshaw?
anyone ever got. But youll lose all the repeated Mellish. You, whats-your-
same. name (I am whats-your-name, very
It scarcely seemed possible. And yet much at your service) you are in his
Bradshaw was generally right. If he House. Have you seen him?
said he had a scheme for doingthough I could have pointed out with some
it was generally for not doing- pleasure at this juncture that if Cain
something, it rarely failed to come off. expressed indignation at being asked
I thought of my sixpence, my only where his brother was, I, by a simple
sixpence, and felt a distinct pang of sum in proportion, might with even
remorse. After all, only the other day greater justice feel annoyed at having to
the chaplain had said how wrong it was locate a person who was no relative of
to bet. By Jove, so he had. Decent man mine at all. Did Mr Mellish expect me
the chaplain. Pity to do anything he to keep an eye on every member of my
would disapprove of. I was on the point House? Did Mr Mellishin short,
of recalling my wager, when before my what did he mean by it?
minds eye rose a vision of Bradshaw This was what I thought. I said, No,
rampant and sneering, and myself sir.
writhing in my chair a crushed and This is extraordinary, said Mellish,
scored-off wreck. I drew the line at most extraordinary. Why, the boy was
that. I valued my self-respect at more in school this morning.
than sixpence. If it had been a shilling This was true. The boy had been in
now. So I set my teeth and turned school that morning to some purpose,
once more to my Thucydides. having beaten all records (his own
Bradshaw, having picked up the thread records) in the gentle sport of Mellish-
of his story again, emitted hoarse baiting. This evidently occurred to
chuckles like minute guns, until I very Mellish at the time, for he dropped the
nearly rose and fell upon him. It is subject at once, and told us to begin our
maddening to listen to a person papers.
laughing and not to know the joke. Now I have remarked already that I
You will be allowed two hours for dare not say what I think of Thucydides,
this paper, said Mellish on the Book II. How then shall I frame my
following afternoon, as he returned to opinion of that examination paper? It
his desk after distributing the was Thucydides, Book II, with the few
Thucydides questions. At five minutes easy parts left out. It was Thucydides,
to four I shall begin to collect your Book II, with special home-made
papers, but those who wish may go on difficulties added. It waswell, in its
till ten past. Write only on one side of way it was a masterpiece. Without
the paper, and put your names in the top going into detailsI dislike sensational
right-hand corner. Marks will be given and realistic writingI may say that I
for neatness. Any boy whom I see personally was not one of those who
looking at his neighbourswheres required an extra ten minutes to finish
Bradshaw? their papers. I finished mine at half-
It was already five minutes past the past two, and amused myself for the
hour. The latest of the late always had remaining hour and a half by writing
424 TALES OF ST. AUSTIN'S
stairs. I had never seen a French master what had happened. The Museum is lit
run before. It was a pleasant sight. I by electric light. To turn it on one has
followed. As we reached the door of to shoot the bolt of the door, which, like
the Museum, which was shut, renewed the handle, is made of metal. It is on
shouts filtered through it. Mellish gave the killing two birds with one stone
tongue. principle. You lock yourself in and
Bradshaw! light yourself up with one movement. It
Yes, sir, from within. was plain that the current had gone
Are you there? This I thought, and wrong somehow, run amock, as it
still think, quite a superfluous question. were. Mellish meanwhile, instead of
Yes, sir, said Bradshaw. being warned by Gerards fate, had
What are you doing in there, followed his example, and tried to turn
Bradshaw? Why were you not in the handle. His jump, though quite a
school this afternoon? Come out at creditable effort, fell short of Gerards
once. This in deep and thrilling tones. by some six inches. I began to feel as if
Please, sir, said Bradshaw some sort of round game were going
complainingly, I cant open the door. on. I hoped that they would not want
Now, the immediate effect of telling a me to take a hand. I also hoped that the
person that you are unable to open a thing would continue for a good while
door is to make him try his hand at it. longer. The success of the piece
Someone observes that there are three certainly warranted the prolongation of
things which everyone thinks he can do its run. But here I was disappointed.
better than anyone else, namely poking The disturbance had attracted another
a fire, writing a novel, and opening a spectator, Blaize, the science and
door. chemistry master. The matter was
Gerard was no exception to the rule. hastily explained to him in all its
Cant open the door? he said. bearings. There was Bradshaw
Nonsense, nonsense. And, swooping entombed within the Museum, with
at the handle, he grasped it firmly, and every prospect of death by starvation,
turned it. unless he could support life for the next
At this point he made an attempt, a few years on the two stuffed rats and
very spirited attempt, to lower the the case of butterflies. The authorities
worlds record for the standing high did not see their way to adding a human
jump. I have spoken above of the specimen (youths size) to the treasures
pleasure it gave me to see a French in the Museum, sohow was he to be
master run. But for good, square got out?
enjoyment, warranted free from all The scientific mind is equal to every
injurious chemicals, give me a French emergency.
master jumping. Bradshaw, shouted Blaize through
My dear Gerard, said the amazed the keyhole.
Mellish. Sir?
I have received a shock. Dear me, I Are you there?
have received a most terrible shock. I should imagine that Bradshaw was
So had I, only of another kind. I growing tired of this question by this
really thought I should have expired in time. Besides, it cast aspersions on the
my tracks with the effort of keeping my veracity of Gerard and Mellish.
enjoyment strictly to myself. I saw Bradshaw, with perfect politeness,
426 TALES OF ST. AUSTIN'S
hastened to inform the gentleman that Sixpence isnt enough, I said, take
he was there. this penny. Its all Ive got. You shall
Have you a piece of paper? have the sixpence on Saturday.
Will an envelope do, sir? Thanks, said Bradshaw. Was the
Bless the boy, anything will do so Thucydides paper pretty warm?
long as it is paper. Warmish. But, I say, didnt you get
Dear me, I thought, is it as bad as all a beastly shock when you locked the
that? Is Blaize, in despair of ever door?
rescuing the unfortunate prisoner, going I did the week before last, the first
to ask him to draw up a last dying time I ever went to the place. This time
words document, to be pushed under I was more or less prepared for it.
the door and despatched to his Blaize seems to think that paper dodge
sorrowing guardian? a special invention of his own. Hell be
Put it over your hand, and then taking out a patent for it one of these
shoot back the bolt. days. Why, every kid knows that paper
But, sir, the electricity. doesnt conduct electricity.
Pooh, boy! I didnt, I said honestly.
The scientific mind is always You dont know much, said
intolerant of lay ignorance. Bradshaw, with equal honesty.
Pooh, boy, paper is a non- I dont, I replied. Bradshaw,
conductor. You wont get hurt. youre a great man, but you missed the
Bradshaw apparently acted on his best part of it all.
instructions. From the other side of the What, the Thucydides paper? asked
door came the sharp sound of the bolt as he with a grin.
it was shot back, and at the same time No, you missed seeing Gerard jump
the light ceased to shine through the quite six feet.
keyhole. A moment later the handle Bradshaws face expressed keen
turned, and Bradshaw stepped forth- disappointment.
free! No, did he really? Oh, I say, I wish
Dear me, said Mellish. Now I Id seen it.
never knew that before, Blaize. The moral of which is that the
Remarkable. But this ought to be seen wicked do not always prosper. If
to. In the meantime, I had better ask the Bradshaw had not been in the Museum,
Headmaster to give out that the he might have seen Gerard jump six
Museum is closed until further notice, I feet, which would have made him
think. happy for weeks. On second thoughts,
And closed the Museum has been though, that does not work out quite
ever since. That further notice has right, for if Bradshaw had not been in
never been given. And yet nobody the Museum, Gerard would not have
seems to feel as if an essential part of jumped at all. No, better put it this
their life had ceased to be, so to speak. way. I was virtuous, and I had the
Curious. Bradshaw, after a short pleasure of witnessing the sight I have
explanation, was allowed to go away referred to. But then there was the
without a stainthat is to say, without Thucydides paper, which Bradshaw
any additional stainon his character. missed but which I did not. No. On
We left the authorities discussing the consideration, the moral of this story
matter, and went downstairs. shall be withdrawn and submitted to a
A SHOCKING AFFAIR 427
He was shown into the drawing-room. the chance of escape offered by the
To his consternation, for he was not a suggestion was too good to be missed.
society man, there appeared to be a He went.
species of tea-party going on. As the On his way he called at Merevales,
door opened, somebody was just and asked to see Charteris.
finishing a remark. Look here, Charteris, he said, you
... faculty which he displayed in remember telling me that Dacre was
such poems as Sordello", said the going to be married?
voice. Yes.
The Babe knew that voice. Well, do you know her name by any
He would have fled if he had been chance?
able, but the servant was already I ken it weel, ma braw Hielander.
announcing him. Mr Dacre began to do She is a Miss Beezley.
the honours. Great Scott! said the Babe.
Mr MacArthur and I have met Hullo! Why, was your young heart
before, said Miss Beezley, for it was set in that direction? You amaze and
she. Curiously enough, the subject pain me, Babe. I think wed better have
which we have just been discussing is a story on the subject in The Glow
one in which he takes, I think, a great Worm, with you as hero and Dacre as
interest. I was saying, Mr MacArthur, villain. It shall end happily, of course.
when you came in, that few of Ill write it myself.
Tennysons works show the poetic Youd better, said the Babe,
faculty which Browning displays in grimly. Oh, I say, Charteris.
Sordello". Well?
The Babe looked helplessly at Mr When I come as a boarder, I shall
Dacre. be a House-prefect, shant I, as Im in
I think you are taking MacArthur the Sixth?
out of his depth there, said Mr Dacre. Yes.
Was there something you wanted to And prefects have to go to breakfast
see me about, MacArthur? and supper, and that sort of thing, pretty
The Babe delivered his message. often with the House-beak, dont they?
Oh, yes, certainly, said Mr Dacre. Such are the facts of the case.
Shall you be passing the School House Thanks. Thats all. Go away and
tonight? If so, you might give the do some work. Good-night.
Headmaster my compliments, and say I The cup went to Merevales that
shall be delighted. year. The Babe played a singularly
The Babe had had no intention of brilliant game for them.
going out of his way to that extent, but
432 TALES OF ST. AUSTIN'S
pass, someone was on him. Graham knew what had happened. After a time
was not heavy, and his opponent was he began to grow thoughtful, and when
muscular. He was swung off his feet, there was a line-out went and stood
and the next moment the two came among the three-quarters. In this way
down together, Graham underneath. A much of Charteriss righteous
sharp pain shot through his shoulder. retribution miscarried, but once or twice
A doctor emerged from the crowd he had the pleasure and privilege of
there is always a doctor in a crowd putting in a piece of tackling on his own
and made an examination. account. The match ended with the
Anything bad? asked the referee. enemy still intact, but considerably
Collar-bone, said the doctor. The shaken. He was also rather annoyed.
usual, you know. Rather badly He spoke to Charteris on the subject as
smashed. Nothing dangerous, of they were leaving the field.
course. Be all right in a month or so. I was watching you, he said,
Stop his playing. Rather a pity. Much apropos of nothing apparently.
longer before half-time? That must have been nice for you,
No. I was just going to blow the said Charteris.
whistle when this happened. You wait.
The injured warrior was carried off, Certainly. Any time youre passing,
and the referee blew his whistle for Im sure
half-time. You aint eard the last of me yet.
I say, Charteris, said MacArthur, Thats something of a blow, said
who the deuce am I to put half instead Charteris cheerfully, and they parted.
of Graham? Charteris, having got into his blazer,
Rogers used to play half in his ran after Welch and MacArthur, and
childhood, I believe. But, I say, did you walked back with them to the House.
ever see such a scrag? Cant you All three of them were at Merevales.
protest, or something? Poor old Tony, said MacArthur.
My dear chap, how can I? Its on Where have they taken him to? The
our own ground. These Bargee beasts House?
are visitors, if you come to think of it. Yes, said Welch. I say, Babe, you
Id like to wring the chaps neck who ought to scratch this match next year.
did it. I didnt spot who it was. Did Tell em the cards full up or
you see? something.
Rather. Their secretary. That man Oh, I dont know. One expects
with the beard. Ill get Prescott to mark fairly rough play in this sort of game.
him this half. After all, we tackle pretty hard
Prescott was the hardest tackler in ourselves. I know I always try and go
the School. He accepted the my hardest. If the man happens to be
commission cheerfully, and promised to brittle, thats his lookout, concluded
do his best by the bearded one. the bloodthirsty Babe.
Charteris certainly gave him every My dear man, said Charteris,
opportunity. When he threw the ball theres all the difference between a
out of touch, he threw it neatly to the decent tackle and a bally scrag like the
criminal with the beard, and Prescott, one that doubled Tony up. You cant
who stuck to him closer than a brother, break a chaps collar-bone without
had generally tackled him before he trying to.
434 TALES OF ST. AUSTIN'S
affairs of other people rather too School corps was in the junior part of
seriously. He worried over them. This the School buildings. Charteris had
is not a particularly common trait in the been to replace his rifle in that shrine of
character of either boy or man, but Mars after a mid-day drill, and on
Welch had it highly developed. He coming out into the passage had found
could not probably have explained himself in the middle of a junior school
exactly why he was worried, but he rag of the conventional type.
undoubtedly was. Welch had a very Somebodys cap had fallen off, and two
grave and serious mind. He shared a hastily picked teams were playing
study with Charterisfor Charteris, football with it (Association rules).
though not yet a School-prefect, was Now, Charteris was not a prefect (that,
part owner of a studyand close it may be observed in passing, was
observation had convinced him that the another source of bitterness in him
latter was not responsible for his towards the Powers, for he was fairly
actions, and that he wanted somebody high up in the Sixth, and others of his
to look after him. He had therefore set, Welch, Thomson, and Tony
elected himself to the post of a species Graham, who were also in the Sixth-
of modified and unofficial guardian the two last below him in form order-
angel to him. The duties were heavy, had already received their prefects
and the remuneration exceedingly light. caps). Not being a prefect, it would
Really, you know, said MacArthur, have been officious in him to have
I dont see what the point of all your stopped the game. So he was passing
lunacy is. I dont know if youre aware on with what Mr Hurry Bungsho
of it, but the Old Mans getting jolly Jabberjee, B.A., would have termed a
sick with you. beaming simper of indescribable
I didnt know, said Charteris, but suavity, when a member of one of the
Im very glad to hear it. For hist! I opposing teams, in effecting a G. O.
have a ger-rudge against the person. Smithian dribble, cannoned into him.
Beneath my ban that mystic man shall To preserve his balancethis will
suffer, cote que cote, Matilda. He sat probably seem a very thin line of
upon mepublicly, and the resultant defence, but I state but the factshe
blot on my scutcheon can only be wiped grabbed at the disciple of Smith amidst
out with blood, or broken rules, he applause, and at that precise moment a
added. new actor appeared on the scenethe
This was true. To listen to Charteris Headmaster. Now, of all the things that
on the subject, one might have thought lay in his province, the Headmaster
that he considered the matter rather most disliked to see a senior ragging
amusing than otherwise. This, with a junior. He had a great idea of the
however, was simply due to the fact that dignity of the senior school, and did all
he treated everything flippantly in that in him lay to see that it was kept
conversation. But, like the parrot, he up. The greater number of the juniors
thought the more. The actual casus with whom the senior was found
belli had been trivial. At least the mere ragging, the more heinous the offence.
spectator would have considered it Circumstantial evidence was dead
trivial. It had happened after this against Charteris. To all outward
fashion. Charteris was a member of the appearances he was one of the players
School corps. The orderly-room of the in the impromptu football match. The
436 TALES OF ST. AUSTIN'S
day, unless he chose to go for a solitary not see the Headmaster, having turned
run afterwards. In the cricket term the his back on him by request. On the
effect of this was not so deadly. It was following day Stapleton was placed
just possible that you might get an doubly out of bounds.
innings somewhere after four oclock, Tony, who was still in bed, had not
even if only at the nets. But during the heard the news when Charteris came to
football seasonit was now February see him on the evening of the day on
to be in extra lesson meant a total which the edict had gone forth.
loss of everything that makes life How are you getting on? asked
endurable, and the School protested (to Charteris.
one another, in the privacy of their Oh, fairly well. Its rather slow.
studies) with no uncertain voice against The grub seems all right. Charteris
this barbarous innovation. absently reached out for a slice of cake.
The reason for the change had been Not bad.
simple. At the corner of the High Street And you dont have to do any
at Stapleton was a tobacconists shop, work.
and Mr Prater, strolling in one evening No.
to renew his stock of Pioneer, was Well, then, it seems to me youre
interested to observe P. St H. Harrison, having a jolly good time. What dont
of Merevales, purchasing a you like about it?
consignment of Girl of my Heart Its so slow, being alone all day.
cigarettes (at twopence-halfpenny the Makes you appreciate intellectual
packet of twenty, including a coloured conversation all the more when you get
picture of Lord Kitchener). Now, Mr it. Mine, for instance.
Prater was one of the most I want something to read.
sportsmanlike of masters. If he had Ill bring you a Sidgwicks Greek
merely met Harrison out of bounds, and Prose Composition, if you like. Full of
it had been possible to have overlooked racy stories.
him, he would have done so. But such Ive read em, thanks.
a proceeding in the interior of a small How about Jebbs Homer? Youd
shop was impossible. There was like that. Awfully interesting. Proves
nothing to palliate the crime. The that there never was such a man as
tobacconist also kept the wolf from the Homer, you know, and that the Iliad
door, and lured the juvenile population and the Odyssey were produced by
of the neighbourhood to it, by selling evolution. General style, quietly funny.
various weird brands of sweets, but it Make you roar.
was only too obvious that Harrison was Dont be an idiot. Im simply
not after these. Guilt was in his eye, starving for something to read. Havent
and the packet of cigarettes in his hand. you got anything?
Also Harrisons House cap was fixed Youve read all mine.
firmly at the back of his head. Mr Hasnt Welch got any books?
Prater finished buying his Pioneer, and Not one. He bags mine when he
went out without a word. That night it wants to read. Ill tell you what I will
was announced to Harrison that the do if you like.
Headmaster wished to see him. The What?
Headmaster saw him, though for a Go into Stapleton, and borrow
certain period of the interview he did something from Adamson. Adamson
438 TALES OF ST. AUSTIN'S
was the College doctor. suggest that, if she had had any say in
By Jove, thats not a bad idea. the matter, he would have remained in.
Its a dashed good idea, which Would Charteris come in and wait?
wouldnt have occurred to anybody but Charteris rather thought he would. He
a genius. Ive been quite a pal of waited for half an hour, and then, as the
Adamsons ever since I had the flu. I absent medico did not appear to be
go to tea with him occasionally, and we coming, took two books from the shelf,
talk medical shop. Have you ever tried wrote a succinct note explaining what
talking medical shop during tea? he had done, and why he had done it,
Nothing like it for giving you an hoping the doctor would not mind, and
appetite. went out with his literary trophies into
Has he got anything readable? the High Street again.
Rather. Have you ever tried The time was now close on five
anything of James Payns? oclock. Lock-up was not till a quarter
Ive read Terminations, or past sixsix oclock nominally, but the
something, said Tony doubtfully, but doors were always left open till a
hes so obscure. quarter past. It would take him about
Dont, said Charteris sadly, please fifteen minutes to get back, less if he
dont. Terminations is by one Henry trotted. Obviously, the thing to do here
James, and there is a substantial was to spend a thoughtful quarter of an
difference between him and James hour or so inspecting the sights of the
Payn. Anyhow, if you want a short town. These were ordinarily not
biography of James Payn, he wrote a numerous, but this particular day
hundred books, and theyre all simply happened to be market day, and there
ripping, and Adamson has got a good was a good deal going on. The High
many of them, and Im hoping to Street was full of farmers, cows, and
borrow a coupleany two will do- other animals, the majority of the
and youre going to read them. I know former well on the road to intoxication.
one always bars a book thats It is, of course, extremely painful to see
recommended to one, but youve got no a man in such a condition, but when
choice. Youre not going to get such a person is endeavouring to count
anything else till youve finished those a perpetually moving drove of pigs, the
two. onlookers pain is sensibly diminished.
All right, said Tony. But Charteris strolled along the High Street
Stapletons out of bounds. I suppose observing these and other phenomena
Merevalell give you leave to go in. with an attentive eye. Opposite the
He wont, said Charteris. I shant Town Hall he was button-holed by a
ask him. On principle. So long. perfect stranger, whom, by his
On the following afternoon Charteris conversation, he soon recognized as the
went into Stapleton. The distance by Stapleton character. There is a
road was almost exactly one mile. If character in every small country
you went by the fields it was longer, town. He is not a bad character; still
because you probably lost your way. less is he a good character. He is just a
Dr Adamsons house was in the character pure and simple. This
High Street. Charteris knocked at the particular manor rather, this man, for
door. The servant was sorry, but the he was anything but particular-
doctor was out. Her tone seemed to apparently took a great fancy to
THE MANUVRES OF CHARTERIS 439
secretary of the Old Crockfordians You are an idiot. And now this
stalked beside him with determined Bargee man will go straight to the Old
stride. Man and run you in. I wonder you
Now, said Charteris, when they didnt think of that.
were on the road, you mustnt mind if I Curious I didnt.
walk rather fast. Im in a hurry. I suppose he saw you come in
Charteriss idea of walking rather here?
fast was to dash off down the road at Rather. He couldnt have had a
quarter-mile pace. The move took the better view if hed paid for a seat. Half
man by surprise, but, after a moment, he a second; I must just run up with these
followed with much panting. It was volumes to Tony.
evident that he was not in training. When he came back he found Welch
Charteris began to feel that the walk more serious than ever.
home might be amusing in its way. I told you so, said Welch. Youre
After they had raced some three to go to the Old Man at once. Hes just
hundred yards he slowed down to a sent over for you. I say, look here, if
walk again. It was at this point that his its only lines I dont mind doing some
companion evinced a desire to do the of them, if you like.
rest of the journey with a hand on the Charteris was quite touched by this
collar of his coat. sporting offer.
If you touch me, observed Its awfully good of you, he said,
Charteris with a surprising knowledge but it doesnt matter, really. I shall be
of legal minutiae, itll be a technical all right.
assault, and youll get run in; and youll Ten minutes later he returned,
get beans anyway if you try it on. beaming.
The man reconsidered matters, and Well, said Welch, whats he given
elected not to try it on. you?
Half a mile from the College Only his love, to give to you. It was
Charteris began to walk rather fast this way. He first asked me if I wasnt
again. He was a good half-miler, and perfectly aware that Stapleton was out
his companion was bad at every of bounds. Sir, says I, Ive known it
distance. After a game struggle he from childhoods earliest hour. Ah,
dropped to the rear, and finished a says he to me, did Mr Merevale give
hundred yards behind in considerable you leave to go in this afternoon?
straits. Charteris shot in at Merevales No, says I, I never consulted the
door with five minutes to spare, and gent you mention."
went up to his study to worry Welch by Well?
telling him about it. Then he ragged me for ten minutes,
Welch, you remember the Bargee and finally told me I must go into extra
who scragged Tony? Well, there have the next two Saturdays.
been all sorts of fresh developments. I thought so.
Hes just been pacing me all the way Ah, but mark the sequel. When he
from Stapleton. had finished, I said that I was sorry I
Stapleton! Have you been to had mistaken the rules, but I had
Stapleton? Did Merevale give you thought that a chap was allowed to go
leave? into Stapleton if he got leave from a
No. I didnt ask him. master. But you said that Mr Merevale
THE MANUVRES OF CHARTERIS 441
did not give you leave, said he. the two teams that were going to play it,
Friend of my youth, I replied it behoved him to keep himself at least
courteously, you are perfectly correct. moderately fit. The genial muffin and
As always. Mr Merevale did not give the cheery crumpet were still things to
me leave, but, I added suavely, Mr be avoided. He thus found himself in a
Dacre did. And I came away, chanting position where, apparently, the few
hymns of triumph in a mellow baritone, things which it was possible for him to
and leaving him in a dead faint on the do were barred, and the net result was
sofa. And the Bargee, who was present that he felt slightly dull.
during the conflict, swiftly and silently To make matters worse, all the rest
vanished away, his morale considerably of his set were working full time at their
shattered. And that, my gentle Welch, various employments, and had no
concluded Charteris cheerfully, put me leisure for amusing him. Welch
one up. So pass the biscuits, and let us practised hundred-yard sprints daily,
rejoice if we never rejoice again. and imagined that it would be quite a
treat for Charteris to be allowed to time
him. So he gave him the stopwatch,
Chapter 3 saw him safely to the end of the track,
and at a given signal dashed off in the
The Easter term was nearing its end. approved American style. By the time
Football, with the exception of the final he reached the tape, dutifully held by
House-match, which had still to come two sporting Merevalian juniors,
off, was over, and life was in Charteriss attention had generally been
consequence a trifle less exhilarating attracted elsewhere. What time?
than it might have been. In some ways Welch would pant. By Jove, Charteris
the last few weeks before the Easter would observe blandly, I forgot to
holidays are quite pleasant. You can look. About a minute and a quarter, I
put on running shorts and a blazer and fancy. At which Welch, who always
potter about the grounds, feeling strong had a notion that he had done it in ten
and athletic, and delude yourself into and a fifth that time, at any rate, would
the notion that you are training for the dissemble his joy, and mildly suggest
sports. Ten minutes at the broad jump, that somebody else should hold the
five with the weight, a few sprints on watch. Then there was Jim Thomson,
the trackit is all very amusing and generally a perfect mine of elevating
harmless, but it is apt to become conversation. He was in for the mile
monotonous after a time. And if the and also the half, and refused to talk
weather is at all inclined to be chilly, about anything except those distances,
such an occupation becomes and the best methods for running them
impossible. in the minimum of time. Charteris
Charteris found things particularly began to feel a blue melancholy stealing
dull. He was a fair average runner, but over him. The Babe, again. He might
there were others far better at every have helped to while away the long
distance, so that he saw no use in hours, but unfortunately the Babe had
mortifying the flesh with strict training. been taken very bad with a notion that
On the other hand, in view of the fact he was going to win the cross-country
that the final House-match had yet to be run, and when, in addition to this, he
played, and that Merevales was one of was seized with a panic with regard to
442 TALES OF ST. AUSTIN'S
to judge by the applause that greeted his knowing what may happen. Perhaps
appearance, he was evidently a Mr Dacre has given me leave.
favourite in the locality. It was with The man said something objurgatory
shock that Charteris recognized his old under his breath, but forbore to continue
acquaintance, the Bargees secretary. the discussion. He was wondering, as
He was clad in running clothes of a Charteris had expected that he would,
bright orange and a smile of conscious whether the latter had really got leave or
superiority, and when somebody in the not. It was a difficult problem.
crowd called out Go it, Jarge! he Whether such a result was due to his
accepted the tribute as his due, and mental struggles, or whether it was
waved a condescending hand in the simply to be attributed to his poor
speakers direction. running, is open to question, but the fact
Some moments elapsed before he remains that the secretary of the Old
recognized Charteris, and the latter had Crockfordians did not shine in the
time to decide upon his line of action. strangers mile. He came in last but
If he attempted concealment in any one, vanquishing the pink sportsman by
way, the man would recognize that on a foot. Charteris, after a hot finish, was
this occasion, at any rate, he had, to use beaten on the tape by one of the weedy
an adequate if unclassical expression, youths, who exhibited astounding
got the bulge, and then there would be sprinting powers in the last two hundred
trouble. By brazening things out, yards, overhauling Charteris, who had
however, there was just a chance that he led all the time, in fine style, and
might make him imagine that there was scoring what the Stapleton Herald
more in the matter than met the eye, and described as a highly popular victory.
that, in some mysterious way, he had As soon as he had recovered his
actually obtained leave to visit Rutton normal stock of windwhich was not
that day. After all, the man didnt know immediatelyit was borne in upon
very much about School rules, and the Charteris that if he wanted to catch the
recollection of the recent fiasco in five-fifteen back to Stapleton, he had
which he had taken part would make better be beginning to change. He went
him think twice about playing the to the dressing-tent, and on examining
amateur policeman again, especially in his watch was horrified to find that he
connection with Charteris. had just ten minutes in which to do
So he smiled genially, and expressed everything, and the walk to the station,
a hope that the man enjoyed robust he reflected, was a long five minutes.
health. He literally hurled himself into his
The man replied by glaring in a clothes, and, disregarding the Bargee,
simple and unaffected manner. who had entered the tent and seemed to
Looked up the Headmaster lately? wish to continue the discussion at the
asked Charteris. point where they had left off, shot off
What are you doing here? towards the gate nearest the station. He
Im going to run. Hope you dont had exactly four minutes and twenty-
mind. five seconds in which to complete the
Youre out of bounds. journey, and he had just run a mile.
Thats what you said before. Youd
better enquire a bit before you make
rash statements. Otherwise, theres no
THE MANUVRES OF CHARTERIS 449
felt that life would be a hollow mockery the deed, swung his right at the mark.
if he failed to fall upon those revellers The mark, it may be explained for the
and slay them. She stood by the hedge benefit of the non-pugilistic, is that
on the right, a forlorn little figure in portion of the anatomy which lies hid
grey, and she gazed sadly and behind the third button of the human
helplessly at the manoeuvres that were waistcoat. It coversin a most
going on in the middle of the road. Her inadequate waythe wind, and even a
age Charteris put down at a venture at gentle tap in the locality is apt to
twelvea correct guess. Her state of produce a fleeting sense of discomfort.
mind he also conjectured. She was A genuine flush hit on the spot,
letting I dare not wait upon I would, shrewdly administered by a muscular
like the late Macbeth, the cat i the arm with the weight of the body behind
adage, and numerous other celebrities. it, causes the passive agent in the
She evidently had plenty of remarks to transaction to wish fervently, as far as
make on the subject in hand, but he is at the moment physically capable
refrained from motives of prudence. of wishing anything, that he had never
Charteris had no such scruples. The been born. Charles his friend
feeling of fatigue that had been upon collapsed like an empty sack, and
him had vanished, and his temper, Charteris, getting a grip of the outlying
which had been growing steadily worse portions of his costume, dragged him to
for some twenty minutes, now boiled the ditch and rolled him in on top of his
over gleefully at the prospect of friend, who had just recovered
something solid to work itself off upon. sufficiently to be thinking about getting
Even without a cause Charteris detested out again. The pair of them lay there in
the Rural Hooligan. Now that a real, a tangled heap. Charteris picked up the
copper-bottomed motive for this dislike bicycle and gave it a cursory
had been supplied to him, he felt examination. The enamel was a good
himself capable of dealing with a whole deal scratched, but no material damage
regiment of the breed. The criminal had been done. He wheeled it across to
with the bicycle had just let it fall with a its owner.
crash to the ground when Charteris It isnt much hurt, he said, as they
went for him low, in the style which the walked on slowly together. Bit
Babe always insisted on seeing in scratched, thats all.
members of the First Fifteen on the Thanks awfully, said the small
football field, and hove him without lady.
comment into a damp ditch. Charles Oh, not at all, replied Charteris. I
his friend uttered a shout of enjoyed it. (He felt he had said the
disapproval and rushed into the fray. right thing there. Your real hero always
Charteris gave him the straight left, of enjoys it.) Im sorry those bargees
the type to which the great John frightened you.
Jackson is reported to have owed so They did rather. Butshe added
much in the days of the old Prize Ring, triumphantly after a pauseI didnt
and Charles, taking it between the eyes, cry.
stopped in a discouraged and Rather not, said Charteris. You
discontented manner, and began to rub were awfully plucky. I noticed. But
the place. Whereupon Charteris dashed hadnt you better ride on? Which way
in, and, to use an expression suitable to were you going?
THE MANUVRES OF CHARTERIS 451
centres, instead of feeding their wings, have given the back fifteen yards in a
would try to dodge through themselves. hundred. He ran round him, and,
And that was where the Babe came in. amidst terrific applause from the
He was admittedly the best tackler in Merevales-supporting section of the
the School, but on this occasion he audience, scored between the posts.
excelled himself. His man never had a The Babe took the kick and converted
chance of getting past. At last a lofty without difficulty. Five minutes
kick into touch over the heads of the afterwards the whistle blew for half-
spectators gave the players a few time.
seconds rest. The remainder of the game does not
The Babe went up to Charteris. call for detailed description. Dacres
Look here, he said, its risky, but I pressed nearly the whole of the last half
think well try having the ball out a bit. hour, but twice more the ball came out
In our own twenty-five? said and went down Merevales three-
Charteris. quarter line. Once it was the Babe who
Wherever we are. I believe it will scored with a run from his own goal-
come off all right. Anyway, well try line, and once Charteris, who got in
it. Tell the forwards. from half-way, dodging through the
For forwards playing against a pack whole team. The last ten minutes of the
much heavier than themselves, it is game was marked by a slight excess of
easier to talk about letting the ball out energy on both sides. Dacres forwards
than to do it. The first half dozen times were in a decidedly bad temper, and
that Merevales scrum tried to heel they fought like tigers to break through, and
were shoved off their feet, and it was on Merevales played up to them with
the enemys side that the ball went out. spirit. The Babe seemed continually to
But the seventh attempt succeeded. Out be precipitating himself at the feet of
it came, cleanly and speedily. Daintree, rushing forwards, and Charteris felt as
who was playing instead of Tony, if at least a dozen bones were broken in
switched it across to Charteris. various portions of his anatomy. The
Charteris dodged the half who was game ended on Merevales line, but
marking him, and ran. Heeling and they had won the match and the cup by
passing in ones own twenty-five is like two goals and a try to nothing.
smokingan excellent practice if Charteris limped off the field,
indulged in in moderation. On this cheerful but damaged. He ached all
occasion it answered perfectly. over, and there was a large bruise on his
Charteris ran to the half-way line, and left cheek-bone. He and Babe were
handed the ball on to the Babe. The going to the House, when they were
Babe was tackled from behind, and aware that the Headmaster was
passed to Thomson. Thomson dodged beckoning to them.
his man, and passed to Welch on the Well, MacArthur, and what was the
wing. Welch was the fastest sprinter in result of the match?
the School. It was a pleasureif you We won, sir, boomed the Babe.
did not happen to be one of the Two goals and a try to nil.
opposing sideto see him race down You have hurt your cheek,
the touch-line. He was off like an Charteris?
arrow. Dacres back made a futile Yes, sir.
attempt to get at him. Welch could How did you do that?
456 TALES OF ST. AUSTIN'S
I got a kick, sir, in one of the happen, ushered him into the study.
rushes. The Headmaster was reading by the
Ah. I should bathe it, Charteris. light of a lamp when Charteris came in.
Bathe it well. I hope it will not be very He laid down his book, and motioned
painful. Bathe it well in warm water. him to a seat; after which there was an
He walked on. awkward pause.
You know, said Charteris to the I have just received, began the
Babe, as they went into the House, the Head at last, a most unpleasant
Old Man isnt such a bad sort after all. communication. Most unpleasant.
He has his points, dont you think? From whom it comes I do not know. It
The Babe said that he did. is, in facteranonymous. I am sorry
Im going to reform, you know, that I ever read it.
continued Charteris confidentially. He stopped. Charteris made no
Its about time, said the Babe. comment. He guessed what was
You can have the bath first if you like. coming. He, too, was sorry that the
Only buck up. Head had ever read the letter.
Charteris boiled himself for ten The writer says that he saw you,
minutes, and then dragged his weary that he actually spoke to you, at the
limbs to his study. It was while he was athletic sports at Rutton yesterday. I
sitting in a deck-chair eating mixed have called you in to tell me if that is
biscuits, and wondering if he would true. The Head fastened an accusing
ever be able to summon up sufficient eye on his companion.
energy to put on garments of It is quite true, sir, said Charteris
civilization, that somebody knocked at steadily.
the door. What! said the Head sharply. You
Yes, shouted Charteris. What is were at Rutton?
it? Dont come in. Im changing. Yes, sir.
The melodious treble of Master You were perfectly aware, I
Crowinshaw, his fag, made itself heard suppose, that you were breaking the
through the keyhole. School rules by going there, Charteris?
The Head told me to tell you that he enquired the Head in a cold voice.
wanted to see you at the School House Yes, sir. There was another pause.
as soon as you can go. This is very serious, began the
All right, shouted Charteris. Head. I cannot overlook this. I
Thanks. There was a slight scuffle of feet in
Now what, he continued to the passage outside. The door flew
himself, does the Old Man want to see open vigorously, and a young lady
me for? Perhaps he wants to make entered. It was, as Charteris recognized
certain that Ive bathed my cheek in in a minute, his acquaintance of the
warm water. Anyhow, I suppose I must afternoon, the young lady of the
go. bicycle.
A quarter of an hour later he Uncle, she said, have you seen my
presented himself at the book anywhere?
Headmagisterial door. The sedate Hullo! she broke off as her eye fell
Parker, the Heads butler, who always on Charteris.
filled Charteris with a desire to dig him Hullo! said Charteris, affably, not
hard in the ribs just to see what would to be outdone in the courtesies.
THE MANUVRES OF CHARTERIS 457
Did you catch your train? treated with scorn, it wanting a clear
No. Missed it. two hours to her legal bedtime. I must
Hullo! whats the matter with your speak to your mother about your
cheek? deplorable habit of using slang. Dear
I got a kick on it. me, I must certainly speak to her.
Oh, does it hurt? And, shamefully unabashed,
Not much, thanks. Dorothy retired.
Here the Head, feeling perhaps a The Head was silent for a few
little out of it, put in his oar. minutes after she had gone; then he
Dorothy, you must not come here turned to Charteris again.
now. I am busy. And how, may I ask, In consideration of this, Charteris, I
do you and Charteris come to be shallermitigate slightly the
acquainted? punishment I had intended to give you.
Why, hes him, said Dorothy Charteris murmured his gratification.
lucidly. But, continued the Head sternly, I
The Head looked puzzled. cannot overlook the offence. I have my
Him. The chap, you know. duty to consider. You will therefore
It is greatly to the Heads credit that write meerten lines of Virgil by
he grasped the meaning of these words. tomorrow evening, Charteris.
Long study of the classics had Yes, sir.
quickened his faculty for seeing sense Latin and English, said the
in passages where there was none. The relentless pedagogue.
situation dawned upon him. Yes, sir.
Do you mean to tell me, Dorothy, And, CharterisI am speaking now
that it was Charteris who came to your erunofficially, not as a headmaster,
assistance yesterday? you understandif in future you would
Dorothy nodded energetically. cease to break School rules simply as a
He gave the men beans, she said. matter of principle, for that, I fancy, is
He did, really, she went on, regardless what it amounts to, Ierwell, I think
of the Heads look of horror. He used we should get on better together. And
right and left with considerable effect. that is, on my part at least, a
Dorothys brother, a keen follower consummationerdevoutly to be
of the Ring, had been good enough wished. Good-night, Charteris.
some days before to read her out an Good-night, sir.
extract from an account in The The Head extended a large hand.
Sportsman of a match at the National Charteris took it, and his departure.
Sporting Club, and the account had The Headmaster opened his book
been much to her liking. She regarded again, and turned over a new leaf.
it as a masterpiece of English Charteris at the same moment, walking
composition. slowly in the direction of Merevales,
Dorothy, said the Headmaster, run was resolving for the future to do the
away to bed. A suggestion which she very same thing. And he did.
458 TALES OF ST. AUSTIN'S
the match ended in a draw of three the field, and threw me into touch.
points all. After which he fell on me. That was
The first intimation Grey received of enough for my simple needs. Im not
this came to him late in the evening. He grasping.
had been reading a novel which, How about Reade?
whatever its other merits may have The entire Second scrum collapsed
been, was not interesting, and it had on top of Reade. When we dug him out
sent him to sleep. He awoke to hear a his ankle was crocked. Mainspring
well-known voice observe with some gone, probably. Then they gathered up
unction: Ah! Myes. Leeches and hot the pieces and took them gently away. I
fomentations. This effectually dont know how it all ended.
banished sleep. If there were two things Just then Walkinshaw burst into the
in the world that he loathed, they were room. He had a large bruise over one
leeches and hot fomentations, and the eye, his arm was in a sling, and he
School doctor apparently regarded them limped. But he was in excellent spirits.
as a panacea for every kind of bodily I knew I was right, by Jove, he
ailment, from a fractured skull to a cold observed to Grey. I knew he could
in the head. It was this gentleman who buck up if he liked.
had just spoken, but Greys alarm I know it now, said Barrett.
vanished as he perceived that the words Whos this youre talking about?
had no personal application to himself. said Grey.
The object of the remark was a fellow- Payne. Ive never seen anything
sufferer in the next bed but one. Now like the game he played today. He was
Grey was certain that when he had everywhere. And, by Jove, his
fallen asleep there had been nobody in tackling!
that bed. When, therefore, the medical Dont, said Barrett, wearily.
expert had departed on his fell errand, Its the best match I ever played in,
the quest of leeches and hot said Walkinshaw, bubbling over with
fomentations, he sat up and gave enthusiasm. Do you know, the Second
tongue. had all the best of the game.
Whos that in that bed? he asked. What was the score?
Hullo, Grey, replied a voice. Draw. One try all.
Didnt know you were awake. Ive And now I suppose youre
come to keep you company. satisfied? enquired Barrett. The great
That you, Barrett? Whats up with scheme for the regeneration of Payne
you? had been confided to him by its proud
Collar-bone. Dislocated it or patentee.
something. Reades over in that Almost, said Walkinshaw. Well
corner. He has bust his ankle. Oh, yes, continue the treatment for one more
weve been having a nice, cheery game, and then well have him simply
afternoon, concluded Barrett bitterly. fizzing for the Windybury match.
Great Scott! How did it happen? Thats next Saturday. By the way, Im
Payne. afraid youll hardly be fit again in time
Where? In your collar-bone? for that, Barrett, will you?
Yes. That wasnt what I meant, I may possibly, said Barrett, coldly,
though. What I was explaining was that be getting about again in time for the
Payne got hold of me in the middle of Windybury match of the year after
HOW PAYNE BUCKED UP 461
next. This year Im afraid I shall not after the match. If we dont win, itll be
have the pleasure. And I should the fault of a raving lunatic of the name
strongly advise you, if you dont want of Walkinshaw, with his beastly Colney
to have to put a team of cripples into the Hatch schemes for reforming slack
field, to discontinue the treatment, as forwards. You utter rotter!
you call it. Fortunately for the future peace of
Oh, I dont know, said mind of C. A. Walkinshaw, the latter
Walkinshaw. contingency did not occur. The School,
On the following Wednesday in spite of its absentees, contrived to
evening, at five oclock, something was pull the match off by a try to nil.
carried in on a stretcher, and deposited Payne, as was only right and proper,
in the bed which lay between Grey and scored the try, making his way through
Barrett. Close scrutiny revealed the fact the ranks of the visiting team with the
that it was what had once been Charles quiet persistence of a steam-roller.
Augustus Walkinshaw. He was slightly After the game he came to tea, by
broken up. request, at the infirmary, and was
Payne? enquired Grey in chilly straightaway invested by Grey with his
tones. First Fifteen colours. On his arrival he
Walkinshaw admitted the surveyed the invalids with interest.
impeachment. Rough game, footer, he observed at
Grey took a pencil and a piece of length.
paper from the table at his side. If you Dont mention it, said Barrett
want to know what Im doing, he said, politely. Leeches, he added dreamily.
Im writing out the team for the Leeches and hot fomentations. Boiling
Windybury match, and Im going to fomentations. Will somebody kindly
make Payne captain, as the senior murder Walkinshaw!
Second Fifteen man. And if we win Im Why? asked Payne, innocently.
jolly well going to give him his cap
462 TALES OF ST. AUSTIN'S
AUTHOR!
J. S. M. Babington, of Dacres and the same time, a feat of no
House, was on the horns of a dilemma. inconsiderable difficulty. At other
Circumstances over which he had had times matters would come to a head
no control had brought him, like another more rapidly. In any case, much
Hercules, to the cross-roads, and had innocent fun was to be derived from it,
put before him the choice between and its popularity was great. On the
pleasure and duty, or, rather, between day, however, on which this story
pleasure and what those in authority opens, a new master had been
called duty. Being human, he would temporarily loosed into the room in
have had little difficulty in making his place of the Rev. Septimus Brown, who
decision, had not the path of pleasure had been there as long as the oldest
been so hedged about by danger as to inhabitant could remember. The Rev.
make him doubt whether after all the Septimus was a wrangler, but knew
thing could be carried through. nothing of the ways of the human boy.
The facts in the case were these. It His successor, Mr Reginald Seymour,
was the custom of the mathematical set was a poor mathematician, but a good
to which J. S. M. Babington belonged, master. He had been, moreover, a
4B to wit, to relieve the tedium of the Cambridge Rugger Blue. This fact
daily lesson with a species of round alone should have ensured him against
game which was played as follows. As the customary pleasantries, for a Blue is
soon as the master had taken his seat, a man to be respected. It was not only
one of the players would execute a injudicious, therefore, but positively
manoeuvre calculated to draw attention wrong of Babington to plunge against
on himself, such as dropping a book or the blackboard on his way to his place.
upsetting the blackboard. Called up to If he had been a student of Tennyson,
the desk to give explanation, he would he might have remembered that the old
embark on an eloquent speech for the order is in the habit of changing and
defence. This was the cue for the next yielding place to the new.
player to begin. His part consisted in Mr Seymour looked thoughtfully for
making his way to the desk and a moment at the blackboard.
testifying to the moral excellence of his That was rather a crude effort, he
companion, and giving in full the said pleasantly to Babington, you lack
reasons why he should be discharged finesse. Pick it up again, please.
without a stain upon his character. As Babington picked it up without
soon as he had warmed to his work he protest. Under the rule of the Rev.
would be followed by a third player, Septimus this would have been the
and so on until the standing room signal for the rest of the class to leave
around the desk was completely filled their places and assist him, but now
with a great cloud of witnesses. The they seemed to realize that there was a
duration of the game varied, of course, time for everything, and that this was
considerably. On some occasions it decidedly no time for indoor games.
could be played through with such Thank you, said Mr Seymour,
success, that the master would enter into when the board was in its place again.
the spirit of the thing, and do his best to What is your name? Eh, what? I
book the names of all offenders at one didnt quite hear.
AUTHOR! 463
Fortunately for Babington, said Mr part just at the end of the first act, said
Seymour, and unfortunately for the Babington.
cause of morality, I am not a master. I Mr Seymour smiled. Possibly from
was only a stop-gap, and my term of gratification.
office ceased today at one oclock. Well, how did it go off? asked
Thus the prisoner at the bar gets off on a Peterson that night.
technical point of law, and I trust it will Dont, old chap, said Babington,
be a lesson to him. I suppose you had faintly.
the sense to do the imposition? I told you so, said Jenkins at a
Yes, sir, I sat up last night. venture.
Good. Now, if youll take my But when he had heard the whole
advice, youll reform, or another day story he withdrew the remark, and
youll come to a bad end. By the way, commented on the wholly undeserved
how did you manage about roll-call good luck some people seemed to
today? enjoy.
I thought that was an awfully good
THE TABBY TERROR 467
him. He wont try that sort of thing on boy, come here and die for your
with you. If he does, get somebody to country. Puss, puss.
hit him over the head with a boot-jack Captain Kettle came at last
or something. Hell soon drop it then. reluctantly, died for his country in
You might as well, you know. The record time, and flashed back again to
Housell simply black your boots if you the saucer. He had an important
do. appointment. Sorry to appear rude and
But would Mr Prater let me have the all that sort of thing, dont you know,
cat? but he had to see a cat about a mouse.
Try him, anyhow. Pitch it fairly Well? said Trentham, when his
warm, you know. Only cat you ever sister looked in upon him an hour later.
loved, and that sort of thing. Oh, Dick, its the nicest cat I ever
Very well. Ill try. saw. I shall never be happy if I dont
Thanks, awfully. And, I say, you get it.
might just look in here on your way out Have you bought it? asked the
and report. practical Trentham.
Mrs James Williamson, nee Miss My dear Dick, I couldnt. We
Trentham, made her way dutifully to the couldnt bargain about a cat during tea.
Merevales part of the House. Mrs Why, I never met Mrs Prater before this
Prater had expressed a hope that she afternoon.
would have some tea before catching No, I suppose not, admitted
her train. With tea it is usual to have Trentham, gloomily. Anyhow, look
milk, and with milk it is usual, if there here, if anything turns up to make the
is a cat in the house, to have feline beak want to get rid of it, Ill tell him
society. Captain Kettle, which was the youre dead nuts on it. See?
name thought suitable to this cat by his For a fortnight after this episode
godfathers and godmothers, was on matters went on as before. Mrs
hand early. As he stood there pawing Williamson departed, thinking
the mat impatiently, and mewing in a regretfully of the cat she had left behind
minor key, Mrs Williamson felt that her.
here was the cat for her. He certainly Captain Kettle died for his country
was good to look upon. His black heart with moderate regularity, and on one
was hidden by a sleek coat of tabby fur, occasion, when he attempted to extract
which rendered stroking a luxury. His some milk from the very centre of a
scheming brain was out of sight in a fags tea-party, almost died for another
shapely head. reason. Then the end came suddenly.
Oh, what a lovely cat! said Mrs Trentham had been invited to supper
Williamson. one Sunday by Mr Prater. When he
Yes, isnt he, agreed Mrs Prater. arrived it became apparent to him that
We are very proud of him. the atmosphere was one of subdued
Such a beautiful coat! gloom. At first he could not understand
And such a sweet purr! this, but soon the reason was made
He looks so intelligent. Has he any clear. Captain Kettle had, in the
tricks? expressive language of the man in the
Had he any tricks! Why, Mrs street, been and gone and done it. He
Williamson, he could do everything had been left alone that evening in the
except speak. Captain Kettle, you bad drawing-room, while the House was at
470 TALES OF ST. AUSTIN'S
church, and his eye, roaming restlessly canary from its cage and ate it. He was
about in search of evil to perform, had now in disgrace.
lighted upon a cage. In that cage was a We shall have to get rid of him,
special sort of canary, in its own line as said Mr Prater.
accomplished an artiste as Captain Im afraid so, said Mrs Prater.
Kettle himself. It sang with taste and If you werent thinking of giving
feeling, and made itself generally him to anyone in particular, sir, said
agreeable in a number of little ways. Trentham, my sister would be awfully
But to Captain Kettle it was merely a glad to take him, I know. She was very
bird. One of the poets sings of an keen on him when she came to see me.
acquaintance of his who was so Thats excellent, said Prater. I
constituted that a primrose by the was afraid we should have to send him
rivers brim a simple primrose was to to a home somewhere.
him, and it was nothing more. Just so I suppose we cant keep him after
with Captain Kettle. He was not the cat all? suggested Mrs Prater.
to make nice distinctions between Trentham waited in suspense.
birds. Like the cat in another poem, he No, said Prater, decidedly. I think
only knew they made him light and not. So Captain Kettle went, and the
salutary meals. So, with the exercise of House knew him no more, and the
considerable ingenuity, he extracted that Tabby Terror was at an end.
THE PRIZE POEM 471
were you indebted for the lines? it, so I asked him to do it.
I got Reynolds to do them for me, And Smith waited for the storm to
sir. burst. But it did not burst. Far down in
Montgomery spoke. It was near the Mr Percevals system lurked a quiet
infirmary that I found the paper, and sense of humour. The situation
Reynolds is in there. penetrated to it. Then he remembered
So did I, sir, said Morrison, the examiners letter, and it dawned
incoherently. upon him that there are few crueller
Then am I to understand, Smith, things than to make a prosaic person
that to gain the prize you resorted to write poetry.
such underhand means as this? You may go, he said, and the three
No, sir, we agreed that there was no went.
danger of my getting the prize. If I had And at the next Board Meeting it
got it, I should have told you was decided, mainly owing to the
everything. Reynolds will tell you that, influence of an exceedingly eloquent
sir. speech from the Headmaster, to alter
Then what object had you in the rules for the Sixth Form Poetry
pursuing this deception? Prize, so that from thence onward no
Well, sir, the rules say everyone one need compete unless he felt himself
must send in something, and I cant filled with the immortal fire.
write poetry at all, and Reynolds likes
476 TALES OF ST. AUSTIN'S
WORK
With a pleasure thats emphatic well-meant endeavours of their form to
We retire to our attic instruct them in the way they should go.
With the satisfying feeling that our What I should have liked to have
duty has been done. done would have been something after
Oh! philosophers this fashion. Entering the sanctum of
may sing the Headmaster, I should have motioned
him to his seatif he were seated
Of the troubles of a already, have assured him that to rise
king was unnecessary. I should then have
But of pleasures there taken a seat myself, taking care to
are many and of preserve a calm fixity of demeanour,
troubles there are and finally, with a preliminary cough, I
should have embarked upon the
none, following moving address: My dear
And the culminating sir, my dear Reverend Jones or Brown
pleasure (as the case may be), believe me when I
Which we treasure say that your whole system of work is
beyond measure founded on a fallacious dream and reeks
of rottenness. No, no, I beg that you
Is the satisfying will not interrupt me. The real state of
feeling that our duty the case, if I may say so, is briefly this:
has been done. a boy goes to school to enjoy himself,
and, on arriving, finds to his
W. S. Gilbert consternation that a great deal more
Work is supposed to be the centre work is expected of him than he is
round which school life revolvesthe prepared to do. What course, then,
hub of the school wheel, the lode-star of Reverend Jones or Brown, does he
the schoolboys existence, and a great take? He proceeds to do as much work
many other things. You come to as will steer him safely between the, ah
school to work, is the formula used by I may say, the Scylla of punishment
masters when sentencing a victim to the and the Charybdis of being considered
wailing and gnashing of teeth provided what my, erfellow-pupils
by two hours extra tuition on a hot euphoniously term a swot. That, I
afternoon. In this, I think, they err, and think, is all this morning. Good day.
my opinion is backed up by numerous Pray do not trouble to rise. I will find
scholars of my acquaintance, who have my way out. I should then have made
even gone so faron occasions when for the door, locked it, if possible, on
they themselves have been the victims the outside, and, rushing to the railway
as to express positive disapproval of station, have taken a through ticket to
the existing state of things. In the dear, Spitzbergen or some other place where
dead days (beyond recall), I used often Extradition treaties do not hold good.
to long to put the case to my form- But twas not mine to play the Tib.
master in its only fair aspect, but always Gracchus, to emulate the O. Cromwell.
refrained from motives of policy. So far from pouring my opinions like so
Masters are so apt to take offence at the much boiling oil into the ear of my task-
WORK 477
that can possibly make Work anything Sometimes the compleat slacker falls
but an unmitigated nuisance is the into a trap. The saddest case I can
prospect of a Varsity scholarship, and remember is that of poor Charles
the thought that, in the event of failure, Vanderpoop. He was a bright young
a Varsity career will be out of the lad, and showed some promise of rising
question. to heights as a slacker. He fell in this
With this thought constantly before fashion. One Easter term his form had
him, the student can put a certain half-finished a speech of Demosthenes,
amount of enthusiasm into his work, and the form-master gave them to
and even go to the length of rising at understand that they would absorb the
five oclock o mornings to drink yet rest during the forthcoming term.
deeper of the cup of knowledge. I have Charles, being naturally anxious to do
done it myself. Varsity means games as little work as possible during the
and yellow waistcoats and Proctors, and summer months, spent his Easter
that sort of thing. It is worth working holidays carefully preparing this
for. speech, so as to have it ready in
But for the unfortunate individual advance. What was his horror, on
who is barred by circumstances from returning to School at the appointed
participating in these joys, what date, to find that they were going to
inducement is there to work? Is such a throw Demosthenes over altogether,
one to leave the school nets in order to and patronize Plato. Threats, entreaties,
stew in a stuffy room over a prayersall were accounted nothing by
Thucydides? I trow not. the master who had led him into this
Chapter one of my great forthcoming morass of troubles. It is believed that
work, The Compleat Slacker, contains the shock destroyed his reason. At any
minute instructions on the art of rate, the fact remains that that term (the
avoiding preparation from beginning to summer term, mark you) he won two
end of term. Foremost among the prizes. In the following term he won
words of advice ranks this maxim: Get three. To recapitulate his outrages from
an official list of the books you are to that time to the present were a
do, and examine them carefully with a harrowing and unnecessary task.
view to seeing what it is possible to do Suffice it that he is now a Regius
unseen. Thus, if Virgil is among these Professor, and I saw in the papers a
authors, you can rely on being able to short time ago that a lecture of his on
do him with success. People who ought The Probable Origin of the Greek
to know better will tell you that Virgil is Negative, created quite a furore. If this
hard. Such a shallow falsehood needs is not Tragedy with a big T, I should
little comment. A scholar who cannot like to know what it is.
translate ten lines of The Aeneid As an exciting pastime, unseen
between the time he is put on and the translation must rank very high.
time he begins to speak is unworthy of Everyone who has ever tried translating
pity or consideration, and if I meet him unseen must acknowledge that all other
in the street I shall assuredly cut him. forms of excitement seem but feeble
Aeschylus, on the other hand, is a makeshifts after it. I have, in the course
demon, and needs careful watching, of a career of sustained usefulness to
though in an emergency you can always the human race, had my share of thrills.
say the reading is wrong. I have asked a strong and busy porter, at
WORK 479
Paddington, when the Brighton train In any case he will fail to obtain
started. I have gone for the broad-jump enough marks to satisfy the examiners,
record in trying to avoid a motor-car. I though whether examiners ever are
have played Spillikins and Ping-Pong. satisfied, except by Harry the hero of
But never again have I felt the the school story (Every Lads Library,
excitement that used to wander athwart uniform edition, 2s 6d), is rather a
my moral backbone when I was put on doubtful question.
to translate a passage containing a In such straits, matters resolve
notorious crux and seventeen doubtful themselves into a sort of drama with
readings, with only that innate genius, three characters. We will call our hero
which is the wonder of the civilized Smith.
world, to pull me through. And what a Scene: a Study
glow of pride one feels when it is all Dramatis Personae:
over; when one has made a glorious, SMITH
golden guess at the crux, and trampled CONSCIENCE
the doubtful readings under foot with MEPHISTOPHELES
inspired ease. It is like a day at the Enter SMITH (down centre)
seaside. He seats himself at table and opens
Work is bad enough, but a Thucydides.
Examinations are worse, especially the Enter CONSCIENCE through
Board Examinations. By doing from ceiling (R.), MEPHISTOPHELES
ten to twenty minutes prep every night, through floor (L.).
the compleat slacker could get through CONSCIENCE (with a kindly
most of the term with average success. smile): Precisely what I was about to
Then came the Examinations. The remark, my dear lad. A little
dabbler in unseen translations found Thucydides would be a very good
himself caught as in a snare. Gone was thing. Thucydides, as you doubtless
the peaceful security in which he had know, was a very famous Athenian
lulled to rest all the well-meant efforts historian. Date?
of his guardian angel to rouse him to a SMITH: Erumlet me see.
sense of his duties. There, right in front MEPH. (aside): Look in the
of him, yawned the abyss of Introduction and pretend you did it by
Retribution. accident.
Alas! poor slacker. I knew him, SMITH (having done so): 431 B.C.
Horatio; a fellow of infinite jest, of circ.
most excellent fancy. Where be his CONSCIENCE wipes away a tear.
gibes now? How is he to cope with the CONSCIENCE: Thucydides made
fiendish ingenuity of the examiners? himself a thorough master of the
How is he to master the contents of a concisest of styles.
book of Thucydides in a couple of MEPH.: And in doing so became
days? It is a fearsome problem. infernally obscure. Excuse shop.
Perhaps he will get up in the small SMITH (gloomily): Hum!
hours and work by candle light from MEPH. (sneeringly): Ha!
two till eight oclock. In this case he Long pause.
will start his day a mental and physical CONSCIENCE (gently): Do you not
wreck. Perhaps he will try to work and think, my dear lad, that you had better
be led away by the love of light reading. begin? Time and tide, as you are aware,
480 TALES OF ST. AUSTIN'S
NOTES
Of all forms of lettered effusiveness, recks nothing of the misery he is
that which exploits the inflicting on hundreds of people who
original work of others and professes to have done him no harm at all. He turns
supply us with right over the pages of his book of Familiar
opinions thereanent is the least wanted. Quotations with brutal callousness, and
Kenneth Grahame for every tricky passage in the work
It has always seemed to me one of which he is editing, finds and makes a
the worst flaws in our mistaken social note of three or four even trickier ones
system, that absolutely no distinction is from other works. Who has not in his
made between the master who forces time been brought face to face with a
the human boy to take down notes from word which defies translation? There
dictation and the rest of mankind. I are two courses open to you on such an
mean that, if in a moment of righteous occasion, to look the word up in the
indignation you rend such a one limb lexicon, or in the notes. You, of course,
from limb, you will almost certainly be turn up the notes, and find: See line
subjected to the utmost rigour of the 80. You look up line 80, hoping to see
law, and you will be lucky if you escape a translation, and there you are told that
a heavy fine of five or ten shillings, a rather similar construction occurs in
exclusive of the costs of the case. Now, Xenophades Lyrics from a Padded
this is not right on the face of it. It is Cell. On this, the craven of spirit will
even wrong. The law should take into resort to the lexicon, but the man of
account the extreme provocation which mettle will close his book with an
led to the action. Punish if you will the emphatic bang, and refuse to have
man who travels second-class with a anything more to do with it. Of a
third-class ticket, or who borrows a different sort are the notes which simply
pencil and forgets to return it; but there translate the difficulty and subside.
are occasions when justice should be These are a boon to the scholar.
tempered with mercy, and this Without them it would be almost
murdering of pedagogues is impossible to prepare ones work
undoubtedly such an occasion. during school, and we should be
It should be remembered, however, reduced to the prosaic expedient of
that there are two varieties of notes. working in prep. time. What we want is
The printed notes at the end of your the commentator who translates mensa
Thucydides or Homer are distinctly as a table without giving a page and a
useful when they aim at acting up to half of notes on the uses of the table in
their true vocation, namely, the ancient Greece, with an excursus on the
translating of difficult passages or habit common in those times of retiring
words. Sometimes, however, the author underneath it after dinner, and a list of
will insist on airing his scholarship, and the passages in Apollonius Rhodius
instead of translations he supplies where the word table is mentioned.
parallel passages, which neither interest, These voluminous notes are apt to
elevate, nor amuse the reader. This, of prove a nuisance in more ways than
course, is mere vanity. The author, one. Your average master is generally
sitting in his comfortable chair with inordinately fond of them, and will
something short within easy reach, frequently ask some member of the
NOTES 483
form to read his note on so-and-so out reasonable manner by giving one view
to his fellows. This sometimes leads to as (1) and the next as (2). So far
curious results, as it is hardly to be everyone is happy and satisfied. The
expected that the youth called upon will trouble commences when he has
be attending, even if he is awake, which occasion to refer back to some former
is unlikely. On one occasion an view, when he will say: Thus we see
acquaintance of mine, whose name I (1) and (14) that, etc. The unlucky
am not at liberty to divulge, was student puts a finger on the page to keep
suddenly aware that he was being the place, and hunts up view one.
addressed, and, on giving the matter his Having found this, and marked the spot
attention, found that it was the form- with another finger, he proceeds to look
master asking him to read out his note up view fourteen. He places another
on Balbus murum aedificavit. My finger on this, and reads on, as follows:
friend is a kind-hearted youth and of an Zmpe, however, maintains that
obliging disposition, and would Schrumpff (see 3) is practically insane,
willingly have done what was asked of that Spleckzh (see 34) is only a little
him, but there were obstacles, first and better, and that Rswkg (see 97 a (b) C3)
foremost of which ranked the fact that, is so far from being right that his views
taking advantage of his position on the may be dismissed as readily as those of
back desk (whither he thought the Xkryt (see 5x). At this point brain-
basilisk eye of Authority could not fever sets in, the victims last coherent
reach), he had substituted Bab Ballads thought being a passionate wish for
for the words of Virgil, and was more fingers. A friend of mine who
engrossed in the contents of that was the wonder of all who knew him, in
modern classic. The subsequent that he was known to have scored ten
explanations lasted several hours. In per cent in one of these papers on
fact, it is probable that the master does questions like the above, once divulged
not understand the facts of the case to an interviewer the fact that he owed
thoroughly even now. It is true that he his success to his methods of learning
called him a loathsome, slimy, rather than to his ability. On the night
repulsive toad, but even this seems to before an exam, he would retire to some
fall short of the grandeur of the secret, solitary place, such as the boot-
situation. room, and commence learning these
Those notes, also, which are, alas! notes by heart. This, though a
only too common nowadays, that deal formidable task, was not so bad as the
with peculiarities of grammar, how other alternative. The result was that,
supremely repulsive they are! It is although in the majority of cases he
impossible to glean any sense from would put down for one question an
them, as the Editor mixes up answer that would have been right for
Nipperwicks view with Sidgeleys another, yet occasionally, luck being
reasoning and with him, he would hit the mark. Hence
Spreckendzedeutscheims surmise with his ten per cent.
Donnerundblitzendorfs conjecture in a Another fruitful source of discomfort
way that seems to argue a thorough is provided by the type of master who
unsoundness of mind and morals, a lectures on a subject for half an hour,
cynical insanity combined with a blatant and then, with a bland smile, invites, or
indecency. He occasionally starts in a rather challenges, his form to write a
484 TALES OF ST. AUSTIN'S
good, long note on the quintessence of you go. You have to write your hardest
his discourse. For the inexperienced to keep up. The beauty of this, from
this is an awful moment. They must one point of view, is that, if you miss a
write somethingbut what? For the sentence, you have lost the thread of the
last half hour they have been trying to whole thing, and it is useless to attempt
impress the master with the fact that to take it up again at once. The only
they belong to the class of people who plan is to wait for some perceptible
can always listen best with their eyes break in the flow of words, and dash in
closed. Nor poppy, nor mandragora, like lightning. It is much the same sort
nor all the drowsy syrups of the world of thing as boarding a bus when in
can ever medicine them to that sweet motion. And so you can take a long
sleep that they have just been enjoying. rest, provided you are in an obscure part
And now they must write a good, long of the room. In passing, I might add
note. It is in such extremities that your that a very pleasing indoor game can be
veteran shows up well. He does not played by asking the master, what
betray any discomfort. Not he. He came after so-and-so? mentioning a
rather enjoys the prospect, in fact, of point of the oration some half-hour
being permitted to place the masters back. This always provides a respite of
golden eloquence on paper. So he takes a few minutes while he is thinking of
up his pen with alacrity. No need to some bitter repartee worthy of the
think what to write. He embarks on an occasion, and if repeated several times
essay concerning the master, showing during an afternoon may cause much
up all his flaws in a pitiless light, and innocent merriment.
analysing his thorough worthlessness of Of course, the real venom that lurks
character. On so congenial a subject he hid within notes from dictation does not
can, of course, write reams, and as the appear until the time for examination
master seldom, if ever, desires to read arrives. Then you find yourself face to
the good, long note, he acquires a face with sixty or seventy closely and
well-earned reputation for attending in badly written pages of a note-book, all
school and being able to express of which must be learnt by heart if you
himself readily with his pen. Vivat would aspire to the dizzy heights of
floreatque. half-marks. It is useless to tell your
But all these forms of notes are as examiner that you had no chance of
nothing compared with the notes that getting up the subject. Why, he will
youths even in this our boasted land of reply, I gave you notes on that very
freedom are forced to take down from thing myself. You did, sir, you say,
dictation. Of the good, long note your as you advance stealthily upon him,
French scholar might well remark: but as you dictated those notes at the
Cest terrible, but justice would rate of two hundred words a minute,
compel him to add, as he thought of the and as my brain, though large, is not
dictation note: mas ce nest pas l capable of absorbing sixty pages of a
diable. For these notes from dictation note-book in one night, how the
are, especially on a warm day, suggestively asterisked aposiopesis do
indubitably l diable. you expect me to know them? Ah-h-h!
Such notes are always dictated so The last word is a war-cry, as you fling
rapidly that it is impossible to do yourself bodily on him, and tear him
anything towards understanding them as courteously, but firmly, into minute
NOTES 485
fragments. Experience, which, as we owes all his skill to his early training,
all know, teaches, will in time lead you when, a happy lad at his little desk in
into adopting some method by which school, he used to write trenchantly in
you may evade this taking of notes. A his note-book on the subject of the
good plan is to occupy yourself with the authorities. There is an example for
composition of a journal, an unofficial you. Of course we can never be like
magazine not intended for the eyes of him, but let, oh! let us be as like him as
the profane, but confined rigidly to your were able to be. A final word to those
own circle of acquaintances. The chief lost ones who dictate the notes. Why
advantage of such a work is that you are our ears so constantly assailed with
will continue to write while the notes unnecessary explanations of, and
are being dictated. To throw your pen opinions on, English literature? Prey
down with an air of finality and begin upon the Classics if you will. It is a
reading some congenial work of fiction revolting habit, but too common to
would be a gallant action, but impolitic. excite overmuch horror. But surely
No, writing of some sort is essential, anybody, presupposing a certain bias
and as it is out of the question to take towards sanity, can understand the
down the notes, what better substitute Classics of our own language, with the
than an unofficial journal could be exception, of course, of Browning.
found? To one whose contributions to Take Tennyson, for example. How
the School magazine are constantly often have we been forced to take down
being cut down to mere skeletons by the from dictation the miserable
hands of censors, there is a rapture maunderings of some commentator on
otherwise unattainable in a page of the subject of Maud. A person reads
really scurrilous items about those in Maud, and either likes it or dislikes it.
authority. Try it yourselves, my In any case his opinion is not likely to
beamish lads. Think of something be influenced by writing down at
really bad about somebody. Write it express speed the opinions of somebody
down and gloat over it. Sometimes, else concerning the methods or
indeed, it is of the utmost use in objectivity and subjectivity of the
determining your future career. You author when he produced the work.
will probably remember those Titanic Somebody told me a short time ago
articles that appeared at the beginning that Shelley was an example of
of the war in The Weekly Luggage- supreme, divine, superhuman genius. It
Train, dealing with all the crimes of the is the sort of thing Mr Gilberts
War Officethe generals, the soldiers, rapturous maidens might have said:
the enemyof everybody, in fact, How Botticellian! How Fra
except the editor, staff and office-boy of Angelican! How perceptively intense
The W.L.T. Well, the writer of those and consummately utter! There is
epoch-making articles confesses that he really no material difference.
486 TALES OF ST. AUSTIN'S
Freemasons special handshake and the there are ten to make to win, or five
like. Nor do I altogether agree with the minutes left to make a draw of a losing
authorities who allege that man, when game, is fully as impressive a ceremony
standing up, needs something as a prop as the launching of the latest battleship.
or support. There is a shadow of An interested crowd harasses the poor
reason, I grant, in this supposition, but victim as he is putting on his pads.
after years of keen observation I am Feel in a funk? asks some tactless
inclined to think that the umpire keeps friend. N-n-no, norrabit. Thats
his bat by him, firstly, in order that no right, says the captain encouragingly,
unlicensed hand shall commandeer it bowlings as easy as anything.
unbeknownst, and secondly, so that he This cheers the wretch up a little,
shall be ready to go in directly his until he remembers suddenly that the
predecessor is out. There is an ill- captain himself was distinctly at sea
concealed restiveness about his with the despised trundling, and
movements, as he watches the batsmen succumbed to his second ball, about
getting set, that betrays an overwrought which he obviously had no idea
spirit. Then of a sudden one of them whatever. At this he breaks down
plays a ball on to his pad. s that? asks utterly, and, if emotional, will sob into
the bowler, with an overdone his batting glove. He is assisted down
carelessness. Clean out. Now Im in, the Pavilion steps, and reaches the
and already he is rushing up the middle wickets in a state of collapse. Here,
of the pitch to take possession. When very probably, a reaction will set in.
he gets to the wicket a short argument The sight of the crease often comes as a
ensues. Look here, you idiot, I hit it positive relief after the vague terrors
hard. Rot, man, out of the way. experienced in the Pavilion.
!!??! Look here, Smith, are you The confident last-wicket man, on
going to dispute the umpires decision? the other hand, goes forth to battle with
Chorus of fieldsmen: Get out, Smith, a light quip upon his lips. The lot of a
you ass. Youve been given out years last-wicket batsman, with a good eye
ago. Overwhelmed by popular and a sense of humour, is a very
execration, Smith reluctantly departs, enviable one. The incredulous disgust
registering in the black depths of his of the fast bowler, who thinks that at
soul a resolution to take on the last he may safely try that slow head-
umpireship at once, with a view to ball of his, and finds it lifted genially
gaining an artistic revenge by giving his over the leg-boundary, is well worth
enemy run out on the earliest possible seeing. I remember in one school
occasion. There is a primeval match, the last man, unfortunately on
insouciance about this sort of thing the opposite side, did this three times in
which is as refreshing to a mind jaded one over, ultimately retiring to a fluky
with the stiff formality of professional catch in the slips with forty-one to his
umpires as a cold shower-bath. name. Nervousness at cricket is a
I have made a special study of last- curious thing. As the author of Willow
wicket men; they are divided into two the King, himself a county cricketer, has
classes, the deplorably nervous, or the said, it is not the fear of getting out that
outrageously confident. The nervous causes funk. It is a sort of intangible je
largely outnumber the confident. The ne sas quoi. I trust I make myself
launching of a last-wicket man, when clear. Some batsmen are nervous all
488 TALES OF ST. AUSTIN'S
through a long innings. With others the It is best, however, not to make
feeling disappears with the first ones remarks too loud. If you do, you
boundary. call down upon yourself the attention of
A young ladyit is, of course, not others, and are yourself criticized. I
polite to mention her age to the minute, remember once, when I was of tender
but it ranged somewhere between eight years, watching a school match, and one
and tenwas taken to see a cricket of the batsmen lifted a ball clean over
match once. After watching the game the Pavilion. This was too much for my
with interest for some time, she gave sensitive and critical young mind. On
out this profound truth: They all attend the carpet, sir, I shouted sternly, well
specially to one man. It would be up in the treble clef, keep em on the
difficult to sum up the causes of funk carpet. I will draw a veil. Suffice it to
more lucidly and concisely. To be an say that I became a sport and derision,
object of interest is sometimes pleasant, and was careful for the future to
but when ten fieldsmen, a bowler, two criticize in a whisper. But the reverse
umpires, and countless spectators are by no means crushed me. Even now I
eagerly watching your every movement, take a melancholy pleasure in watching
the thing becomes embarrassing. school matches, and saying So-and-So
That is why it is, on the whole, will make quite a fair school-boy bat in
preferable to be a cricket spectator time, but he must get rid of that stroke
rather than a cricket player. No game of his on the off, and that shocking leg-
affords the spectator such unique hit, and a few of those awful strokes in
opportunities of exerting his critical the slips, but that on the whole, he is by
talents. You may have noticed that it is no means lacking in promise. I find it
always the reporter who knows most refreshing. If, however, you feel
about the game. Everyone, moreover, compelled not merely to look on, but to
is at heart a critic, whether he represent play, as one often does at schools where
the majesty of the Press or not. From cricket is compulsory, it is impossible
the lady of Hoxton, who crushes her to exaggerate the importance of white
friends latest confection with the boots. The game you play before you
words, My, wot an at! down to that get white boots is not cricket, but a
lowest class of all, the persons who call weak imitation. The process of
your attention (in print) to the sinister initiation is generally this. One plays in
meaning of everything Clytemnestra shoes for a few years with the most dire
says in The Agamemnon, the whole result, running away to square leg from
world enjoys expressing an opinion of fast balls, and so on, till despair seizes
its own about something. the soul. Then an angel in human form,
In football you are vouchsafed fewer in the very effective disguise of the man
chances. Practically all you can do is to at the school boot-shop, hints that, for
shout off-side whenever an opponent an absurdly small sum in cash, you may
scores, which affords but meagre become the sole managing director of a
employment for a really critical mind. pair of white buckskin boots with real
In cricket, however, nothing can escape spikes. You try them on. They fit, and
you. Everything must be done in full the initiation is complete. You no
sight of everybody. There the players longer run away from fast balls. You
stand, without refuge, simply inviting turn them neatly off to the boundary. In
criticism. a word, you begin for the first time to
NOW, TALKING ABOUT CRICKET 489
play the game, the whole game, and bat. A batsman certainly gets a
nothing but the game. considerable amount of innocent fun by
There are misguided people who snicking good fast balls just off his
complain that cricket is becoming a wicket to the ropes, and standing
business more than a game, as if that stolidly in front against slow leg-
were not the most fortunate thing that breaks. These things are good, and help
could happen. When it ceases to be a one to sleep peacefully o nights, and
mere business and becomes a religious enjoy ones meals. But no batsman can
ceremony, it will be a sign that the experience that supreme emotion of
millennium is at hand. The person who something attempted, something done,
regards cricket as anything less than a which comes to a bowler when a ball
business is no fit companion, gentle pitches in a hole near points feet, and
reader, for the likes of you and me. As whips into the leg stump. It is one
long as the game goes in his favour the crowded second of glorious life. Again,
cloven hoof may not show itself. But the words retired hurt on the score-
give him a good steady spell of leather- sheet are far more pleasant to the
hunting, and you will know him for bowler than the batsman. The groan of
what he is, a mere dilettante, a dabbler, a batsman when a loose ball hits him
in a word, a worm, who ought never to full pitch in the ribs is genuine. But the
be allowed to play at all. The worst of Awfully-sorry-old-chap-it-slipped of
this species will sometimes take the bowler is not. Half a loaf is better
advantage of the fact that the game in than no bread, as Mr Chamberlain
which they happen to be playing is only might say, and if he cannot hit the
a scratch game, upon the result of which wicket, he is perfectly contented with
no very great issues hang, to pollute the hitting the man. In my opinion,
air they breathe with verbal, and the therefore, the bowlers lot, in spite of
ground they stand on with physical, billiard table wickets, red marl, and
buffooneries. Many a time have I, and such like inventions of a degenerate
many a time have you, if you are what I age, is the happier one.
take you for, shed tears of blood, at the And here, glowing with pride of
sight of such. Careless returns, originality at the thought that I have
overthrowsbut enough of a painful written of cricket without mentioning
subject. Let us pass on. Alfred Mynn or Fuller Pilch, I heave a
I have always thought it a better fate reminiscent sigh, blot my MS., and
for a man to be born a bowler than a thrust my pen back into its sheath.
490 TALES OF ST. AUSTIN'S
which has led to all the discussion. "Really, sir, Ierdont think I
Eliminate the Slogger Williams episode, have the pleasure, began Mr Hughes.
and the whole of the second part stands "You shall have the pleasure, sir.
out clearly as the work of another hand. We have come to speak to you about
But there is one thing that seems to your book. Our representative has read
have escaped the notice of everybody. Part I, and reports unfavourably upon
Yes? I said. it. It contains no moral. There are
He leant forward impressively, and scenes of violence, and your hero is far
whispered. Only the actual fight is the from perfect.
work of the genuine author. The "I think you mistake my object,
interference of Arthur has been said Mr Hughes; Tom is a boy, not a
interpolated! patent medicine. In other words, he is
By Jove! I said. Not really? not supposed to be perfect.
Yes. Fact, I assure you. Why, think "Well, I am not here to bandy
for a minute. Could a man capable of words. The second part of your book
describing a fight as that fight is must be written to suit the rules of our
described, also be capable of stopping it Society. Do you agree, or shall we
just as the man the reader has backed all throw you over that precipice?
through is winning? It would be brutal. "Never. I mean, I dont agree.
Positively brutal, sir! "Then we must write it for you.
Then, how do you explain it? Remember, sir, that you will be
A year ago I could not have told constantly watched, and if you attempt
you. Now I can. For five years I have to write that second part yourself
been unravelling the mystery by the aid (he paused dramatically). So the
of that one clue. Listen. When Mr second part was written by the
Hughes had finished part one, he threw committee of the Society. So now you
down his pen and started to Wales for a know.
holiday. He had been there a week or But, said I, how do you account
more, when one day, as he was for the fight with Slogger Williams?
reclining on the peak of a mountain The president relented slightly
looking down a deep precipice, he was towards the end, and consented to Mr
aware of a body of men approaching Hughes inserting a chapter of his own,
him. They were dressed soberly in on condition that the Society should
garments of an inky black. Each had finish it. And the Society did. See?
side whiskers, and each wore But
spectacles. Mr Hughes, I believe? Ticket.
said the leader, as they came up to him. Eh?
"Your servant, sir, said he. Ticket, please, sir.
"We have come to speak to you on I looked up. The guard was standing
an important matter, Mr Hughes. We at the open door. My companion had
are the committee of the Secret Society vanished.
For Putting Wholesome Literature Guard, said I, as I handed him my
Within The Reach Of Every Boy, And ticket, wheres the gentleman who
Seeing That He Gets It. I, sir, am the travelled up with me?
president of the Gentleman, sir? I havent seen
S.S.F.P.W.L.W.T.R.O.E.B.A.S.T.H.G.I. nobody.
He bowed. Not a man in tweeds with red hair?
THE TOM BROWN QUESTION 493