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Soren 1

A.
Soren Williams
Debra Jizi
UWRT 1104-014
11 February 2017
Separation
Have you ever been caught in the middle of something you have no power over? You

have this feeling of not being able to escape and constantly have thoughts of what life would be

like if things were different. I am caught in this type of situation every morning I wake up since

my parents separation when I was younger. I look around at those with both parents under the

same roof and constantly wonder how amazing it must feel to wake up every morning and have

them both there laughing, cooking, playing around, and in love with one another. Today,

however, there is an increasing rate of young adults having children when they are completely

unprepared to even be in a relationship with one another leaving their children caught in the

middle of the mix. Although I understand my parents separation was better for them mentally

and physically, I have the thoughts everyday of what it would be like if they were still together

and happily married.

Since I can remember, I have always had to go back and forth through my parents homes

weekly. Having to do this takes a physical toll on me as I must pack and drive to each house

every single week. I would stay at my mothers Monday through Thursday, and then go to my

fathers home for the weekend. Things began to get even more complicated when it came to

holidays. My parents would constantly bicker through the phone, letters, and in person. This

eventually led to them not speaking at all and leaving one individual directly in the middle of all

the problems: me. I am the source my parents come to when they want to talk down on one
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another, when they want hatred messages to be passed along, and when they feel the need to try

to make me choose one parent over the other.

As I have grown older and began college, I still have the dilemma of trying to spend

equal time with both of my parents when I go home over breaks. I sit and look at my two

younger brothers, who have both of their parents in the same household since my mother

remarried, and have a feeling of envy knowing they will never have to experience the pain of

constantly going back and forth between homes. They have both parents there to go out to dinner

with, sit together to support them at sporting events, and wake up each day knowing they will all

be at the dinner table later to share their daily adventures. This causes me to have a horrible

attitude while at home that I immediately regret when it is time for me to leave once again.

Because I have such a busy schedule at school, I only go home on breaks limiting the time I have

with my family. I know they want to see me and miss me desperately when I am away, and it can

cause them to have unsettling emotions when I come home with an attitude and act as if I do not

want to be there.

My younger brothers are always curious as to why we have different fathers. They have

asked my mother questions related to the subject before and she always tends to avoid them or

beat around the bush. I have never spoken to my brothers about the situation because I feel out of

line. If my mother wanted them to understand the situation she would sit down and talk to them

like an adult. Although my brothers are still young, this type of situation is very common with

young teens and in my opinion they should have an understanding before it is too late. As they

grow older I know they will be able to understand the complexity of the situation, but I would

never make them uncomfortable and throw all the information on them at once.
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Although I feel as if I have been through a lot in this situation, I tend to keep my

emotions and thoughts bottled up as I think of those who are even less fortunate than me. I am

blessed to even have both of my parents, and have a learned a great deal from their mistakes. My

situation has allowed me to grow stronger mentally and physically. I push myself hard in the

classroom, sports, and any extracurricular activity I participate in because of the strong drive I

have in my heart to be successful. I want to reach every goal in life from having a well-paying

job, a family, and a nice home. Furthermore, I want to set an example for my future children as

they grow older. By keeping my old yearbooks, awards, pictures, and classroom notes I will be

able to show my children how important it is to stay involved and enjoy life while they are young

before having to take on the hectic role as parent when they grow older.

During my high school career, I witnessed one of my best friends become pregnant and

have a child as a sophomore in high school. We both had big dreams of leaving our small town

and going out to see what the world is really made of. Her dreams, however, were put on hold.

She constantly tells me how hard it is and how she wishes she would have waited. She is no

longer with the babys father, and her son will now live in the same situation I am in for the rest

of his life.

Overall, I believe my parents separation has had both a positive and negative effect on

me. Although I always have the negative thoughts of what if, the situations revolved around

their separation have shaped me into the person I am today. It encourages me to constantly want

more in life than living in my small town. I want to be able to travel the world and go on

adventures in the future, which starts with the decisions I make now. Although having a large

family is one of my goals in life, I know I must first handle my business and become a successful

woman before I can take on the responsibility of raising another individual. I am stronger, wiser,
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and most importantly hungry for success. Following my dreams in life is my number one priority

and I will never be satisfied until I am at the top. Rob Siltanen once said The people who are

crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who do. So, call me crazy, but Ill

never stop working until I have left my mark on this world to help change the lives of others for

the better.
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B.

Soren Williams
Debra Jizi
UWRT 1104-014
28 January 2017
Past Authoring
Have you ever been caught in the middle of something you have no power over? You

have this feeling of not being able to escape and constantly have thoughts of what life would be

like if things were different. I am caught in this type of situation every morning I wake up since

my parents separation when I was younger. I look around at those with both parents under the

same roof and constantly wonder how amazing it must feel to wake up every morning and have

them both there laughing, cooking, playing around, and in love with one another. Today,

however, there is an increasing rate of young adults having children when they are completely

unprepared to even be in a relationship with one another leaving their children caught in the

middle of the mix. Although I understand my parents separation was better for them mentally

and physically, I have the thoughts everyday of what it would be like if they were still together

and happily married.

Since I can remember, I have always had to go back and forth through my parents homes

weekly. I would stay at my mothers Monday through Thursday, and then go to my fathers home

for the weekend. Things began to get even more complicated when it came to holidays. My

parents would constantly bicker through the phone, letters, and in person. This eventually led to

them not speaking at all and leaving one individual directly in the middle of all the problems:

me. I am the source my parents come to when they want to talk down on one another, when they
Soren 5

want hatred messages to be passed along, and when they feel the need to try to make me choose

one parent over the other.

As I have grown older and began to attend college, I still have the dilemma of trying to

spend equal time with both of my parents when I go home over breaks. I feel as if I can never

keep one satisfied, and it kills me on the inside. I sit and look at my two younger brothers, who

have both of their parents in the same household since my mother remarried, and have a feeling

of envy knowing they will never have to experience the pain of constantly going back and forth

between homes. They have both parents there to go out to dinner with, sit together to support

them at sporting events, and wake up each day knowing they will all be at the dinner table later

to share their daily adventures. This causes me to have a horrible attitude while at home that I

immediately regret when it is time for me to leave once again.

Although I feel as if I have been through a lot in this situation, I tend to keep my

emotions and thoughts bottled up as I think of those who are even less fortunate than me. I am

blessed to even have both of my parents, and have a learned a great deal from their mistakes. My

situation has allowed me to grow stronger mentally and physically. I push myself hard in the

classroom, sports, and any extracurricular activity I participate in because of the strong drive I

have in my heart to be successful. I want to reach every goal in life from having a well-paying

job, a family, and a nice home. Furthermore, I want to set an example for my children as they

grow older. By keeping my old yearbooks, awards, pictures, and classroom notes I will be able to

show my children they can achieve anything they want in life if they remain focused and know

their life will be much easier if they wait to have children of their own.

As I was extremely involved with school and sports, I was able to witness one of my best

friends become pregnant and have a child as a sophomore in high school. We both had big
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dreams of leaving our small town and going out to see what the world is really made of. Her

dreams, however, were put on hold. She constantly tells me how hard it is and how she wishes

she would have waited. She is no longer with the babys father, and her son will now live in the

same situation I am in for the rest of his life.

These situations in my life have made a difference in the person I am today. It encourages

me to constantly want more in life than living in my small town. I want to be able to look back

and say I made it out with a well-knit family and job. I am stronger, wiser, and most importantly

hungry for success. Following my dreams in life are my number one priority and I will never be

satisfied until I am at the top. Rob Siltanen once said The people who are crazy enough to think

they can change the world are the ones who do. So, call me crazy, but Ill never stop working

until I have left my mark on this world to help change the lives of others for the better.

Self-Exploration & Self Discovery

Engagement between Self and the World

Personal Presence of the Author

My Concerns:

Is this fully developed?

Where do I need more evidence?

Would you keep reading?

Should I provide more emotion and examples or is this enough evidence?

Do you have a sense of my self-discovery and personal presence when reading?


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C.

Tierra Williams

Jizi

UWRT 1104

6 February 2017

Three Step Response Soren Williams

1 Velcro Words and Phases


Bicker
Envy
Change
Successful
2 Feelings
Tearful
Understanding
Fascinated
3 Questions
Is there a correlation with your problems at home and how involved
you are in extracurricular activities?

Do you feel like your parents separating has had overall more of a
positive or negative effect on you?
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Writer: Soren Williams


Reader: Jimmy King
Assignment: Past Authoring Essay
Date: February 8th, 2017
Three Step Response
1 Velcro Words and Phrases
- Escape
- Bicker
- Kills me inside
- Bottle up
- Crazy

2 Feelings
- Heartwarming
- Empowered
- Touched
- Engrossed

3 Questions
- Do your step-siblings have any feelings about the divorce?
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James King Feedback:


I like how you started this essay
take this out?
Strong
Really like this paragraph
Great way to end. Good overall last paragraph
Yes it is. I really like how you laid out the entirety of this essay and wrapped it up with how you
plan on making sure you do not follow in your parents footsteps
I think you have enough evidence with talking about you waking up everyday and then talking
with your friend
I would. I think it would be interesting to hear what your step-siblings have to say about the
situation
If you want you could mention a little bit more how you feel about the entire case but the
amount right now is perfectly fine
I do. From the first paragraph it made me want to keep reading more

Ernest Meland Feedback:


I like all of the questions and detail in the first paragraph it seems like you spent a lot of time on
this paragraph, make sure you apply this same writing to the rest of the essay and be sure to take
your time and write clearly while conveying the information that you want to share.
Did this take a physical tole on you?
Why do you regret your horrible attitude
This is a little confusing, how will life be easier if they have children of their own? I don't think
that is what you initially intended to convey.
Why does being involved in sports relate to your friends pregnancy?
Why do you want this and is this all you want?
The essay could definatley be more developed. You have a great starting point but just fix the
confusing passages.
You don't need any more evidence for anything although clarity is needed in certain spots
outlined.
No you fully covered your emotions
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include more of how this experience pushed you to grow

D.

My peers gave me a lot of feedback that helped me further develop my essay. They gave

me new questions to ask myself that I could incorporate in my essay to allow it to flourish more.

These questions varied from the emotions and thoughts of my younger siblings regarding my

parents separation, the toll this situation has had on me, correlations between the separation and

my extracurricular activities, and my attitude toward the overall situation. By using these

questions as a guide I was able to include more on my emotions that I had not thought about

previously. I incorporated all my feedback from my peers into the revision process. Whether this

consisted of adding new information to develop my paper further, or take out some of my

previous statements that did not smoothly fit in certain areas.

When giving feedback to my peers I focused more on the things they did well and should

add onto in order to allow their papers to flourish. One of my feedback responses was You did

well in this paragraph by going into deep detail about the events that occurred while at school. I

felt as if I was there while it happened. By providing this feedback I encouraged the writer to

continue writing in a way that allows readers to feel as if they were reliving the event by reading

his essay. Another example of feedback I gave to one of my peers is, Your opening paragraph

can kind of confuse a reader on whether or not you're writing an essay about a dream or if this

event happened in real life. The writer did a good job with description later in the essay that

could allow a reader to understand this was a real event, but I wanted the writer to know the

opening paragraph is one of the most important aspects of a paper and they do not want to throw

the reader off track as soon as the essay begins. Furthermore, I provided another peer with a
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question as feedback. This question was Have you and your mom always had a good bond or

was it somewhat rocky before you experienced this situation? By using a question as feedback,

I wanted the writer to go more in depth on the situation and really tap into her emotions based on

the relationship she had with her mother before this event occurred.

E.

1. I sometimes have a problem with run on sentences. What can I do to improve this?

2. I often feel as if I use a certain words too many times. For example, I tend to say individuals

frequently. What can I do to ensure I am not overusing a certain word?

3. Do I have good transitions?

4. Am I adding comas correctly?