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A guy from a lower caste cannot marry an upper caste girl, or vice versa, even
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Social Systems in India

Social Class

Marriage in India

Caste Discrimination in India

Indian Caste System

Culture of India

Indian Ethnicity and People

Marriage

India

A guy from a lower caste cannot marry an upper caste girl, or vice versa, even
if they love each other and nobody bats an eye. Why?
There are lots of caste based problem we face. But there is so much hue and cry
about reservation, every body loses their mind. Why so?
UpdateCancel

Answer Wiki

18 Answers

Poorvisha Ravi, Bherry Indian jee!


Written Dec 1, 2014
If a guy from lower caste cannot marry an upper caste girl, the reverse and vice
versa are also true.
Secondly the whole problem of marriage is with regard to caste. Only people from
same or collaborated castes are sanctioned to marry.
The government does not stop anyone from getting married. Nor is there any
systemic aggression perpetrated by the state towards people who marry outside
their caste religion or even country. You can seek police protection if you are
under a risk of honor killing.
Also marriage is not a fundamental for life. Education is. Job is. Financial
stability is.
Reservation is a state sanctioned discriminatory procedure targeted only at
upper castes who may or may not be in the same socioeconomic state as a lower
caste person. Reservation does not work vice versa, which means it aims to
systematically persecute the general community. Even in inequality, reservation
is not equal. Worst still, this is legal.
Which is the bigger evil? Would you rather fight for education and jobs or
marriage? Would you rather fight against discrimination that is not only legal
but has laws especially to favour it or you would pick an issue that already has
laws and educated society on its side? Do you need money to eat, live and
support your family or a spouse? How can you marry without education and a job?
Yes this is why we should raise a hue and cry over reservation.
I do not aim to diminish the importance of rallying against honor killings but I
find this comparison between reservations and intercaste marriages utterly
stupid. Both are two different things.
Why should anybody be called a hypocrite for not rallying for causes that you
feel for? Why should Indians not rally for Black equality? Why don't the OP and
my anonymous hater rally for prevention of cruelty to animals and AIDS
awareness? The above two aren't even remotely interlinked.
Intercaste marriage risks persecution from both families- upper caste lower
caste or whatever. A Hindu woman marrying a Christian man irrespective of caste
will face problems. Vice versa will also happen. Why is this being paraded
around as a casteist issue where it is only the upper class Hindu who is
persecuting the lower classes for intercaste marriage?
I married someone from a different subcaste but same social class. Our parents
agreed but there still were people spreading hatred about us. Where did
upper/lower caste feature here?
The comparison itself is so retarded.
5.4k Views View Upvotes
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Anonymous

Written Dec 1, 2014

Welcome to the Great Indian Hypocrisy.


You see people will continue doing something as long as they get
benefited from something. See, for many thousands of years the so called upper
castes have reaped the benefits of this caste system which has given them
unnecessary and unjustified privileges which put them into their current
socially, politically, culturally and economically rich state. So, before the
reservation was enforced legally, if you had asked them about equality, they
would have replied - "Equality? Never heard of it! We are born superior than
lower caste people."
Now, due to reservation and some other affirmative actions by
constitution, as the lower caste people are trying to catch up, they are
preaching the hoax that "everybody is Equal". I bet you that even if reservation
is abolished, 95 out of 100 persons talking about equality will continue to
practice caste discrimination.
That's why they have problem only with reservation but nobody cares
about caste discrimination, because they had never faced it and will never have
to face it.
In my personal experience, 9 out of 10 persons of general category
cry over reservation but don't give a damn about caste discrimination and will
continue to practice it. When these digits will get reversed, the reservation
will vanish automatically as 50% of youth of reserved category feel that they
will give up reservation if they are treated equally and their number will only
go up due to increasing education, in part contributed by reservation.
Now coming to the highly biased view by fellow quoran Poorvisha
Ravi, which is mindset of a typical metropolitan educated upper caste citizen
who rarely comes out of the AC room and read about caste discrimination only in
history books.
1. First of all intercaste marriages are happening only among upper castes.
Baniya will marry only brahmin, kshatriya and vice versa. They reject the
proposals from lower castes straightaway without even looking at it. You will
never know it because you never get rejected due to caste only. So, there is a
great divide between upper and lower caste when it comes to marriages.
2. Yes the government does not stop anyone from getting married. But is marriage
a legal agreement only? That's it? Don't you ask for approval from your parents
and family? Many intercaste love marriages between upper and lower castes never
take place because of stubborn hypocrite parents.
3. And Oh! There is no systemic aggression? That's ridiculous! Never heard of
Honour killing? Do you really live in India? I doubt. And I never heard that
anyone is being punished for honour killings as the local police and politics is
controlled by powerful upper caste people so that they won't even register an
FIR.
4. Marriage is not fundamental? Please secure a high paying job then marry an
absolute jerk. Then tell me how was your experience.
Many hearts get broken making at least one of the partners
miserable because we don't see the persons' caste before falling in love. It
just happens.
5. Why you take reservation as a punishment for upper caste instead of seeing it

positively as an affirmative action for upliftment of underprivileged classes?


Why so negativity?
And do you think that people would have given a fair chance to
lower caste people if it wasn't enforced legally? I don't think so. After
independence, all the powerful political posts went to upper caste people only.
They exploited every opportunity for corruption and sucked the government money.
Do you think that they would have let go of this golden opportunity to further
suppress lower castes for their own advantage? So, legal enforcement was
necessary. It it wasn't so, the lower castes would have been still living in
outskirts of every village.
Don't mix marriage with education. If a guy doesn't get selected in
IIT he can take another year and might get selected. But if a lower caste guy
wants to marry an upper caste girl, will the family say okay, come after getting
a better job? Never. Because in job or education you always have another chance.
While a person born in so called lower caste have to bear that taboo and
harassment throughout the life with no other option however educated or learned
he/she might become.
If you have only a superficial knowledge about a problem please
don't bother to answer it.
14.2k Views View Upvotes

Abhishek Waghmare, Indian. That's all what's required to be.


Written Dec 10

Look it is not as easy as movies potrays. Casteism have penetrated deep into the
fabric of not only Hindu society but other religion like Christianity, Muslim,
Sikhism as well.
Coming back to the quesion. If two people irrespective of their caste hierarchy
do marry. While some face opposition from family to gainstay.
It is quite surprising that same religion contains so much variety; like some
are vegetarians some aren't, some are Privileged to social status by birth while
some aren't. Can you see the pattern?
It is quite surprising that such parachronistic and anachronistic rituals and
beliefs are still practised. Inter-caste marriages must be appreciated, approved
and motivated for betterment of the society.
If a girl wants to marry other boy then just marry, simple as that as it look.
In America if you like someone they just marry, In India if you like someone
then you must inquire which religion she/he belong, if religion is same then
what about caste and sub-caste; even after this crappy synchronicity still
father's occupation and family background matters. On one hand we talk about
secularism and unity in diversity while on other hands all these hypocrisy.
Well, inter-caste marriage is only possible if family is not only educated but
also posses broad minded thinking which is essential ingredient in such civil
union.
Thanks for asking.
Regards.

1.1k Views View Upvotes Answer requested by

Abhishek Bhushan

Venky Natarajan, Always in Bliss


Written Dec 12

This is the sad state of affairs. The varnashrama system and the subsequent
caste based divisions have caused havoc to our society. It has been exploited to
serve the interests of some communities.
In my view, and I am borrowing from Varalotti Rengasamy, the author of Krishna's
Kiss, the svadharma, as mentioned in our scriptures and in the Bhagawad Gita,
refers to 'our nature', our natural disposition, in order to pursue our jobs, to
earn a living. But this svadharma has been misunderstood and misrepresented to
mean, one's birth or caste. What the scriptures prescribe is to take up a job
based on our true and own nature, if we are creatively inclined, take up
something from the arts and so on. If we are logically inclined, take up a
profession accordingly. But in the olden days, this meant that we follow a
profession as supposedly assigned to a caste or birth origins. This had
ramifications in marriage, education and what not. Numerous quotes lie in
scriptures to show this is not the case but people refuse to believe.
In my view, this will take ages to eradicate. Only education, and true
understanding will help overcome this.
But a word of caution, even in love, one has to choose a partner that is
conducive to our natural disposition, tendencies, wavelength etc. A girl who is
used to vegetarian way of living, may find it shocking or difficult to accept a
non vegetarian partner. Or vice versa. If the partners are able to adapt and
accept each other's tendencies, then the love flourishes.

932 Views View Upvotes Answer requested by

Vipul Kumar

Vipul Kumar, Strongly against reservation


Written Dec 10

Good question.
You may find the answer to your stupid question in the several other answers
below.
But allow me to go a bit ahead. Just imagine the scenario of India after around
3040 years, if the present system of reservation continues.
All GENERAL category boys (the deserved ones), in spite of scoring 90% wont get
any good job here (Here, good implies Government Jobs, no doubt). Those who are
capable will go abroad and earn a decent salary, to meet their demands. And the
rest will just be able to manage to keep his body and soul together.
Now comes the reserved ones. With mere a percentage of 35, they will live a
lavish life enjoying all the comforts of life, starting from free education, to
various scholarships, and other facilities and other allowances.
Now , will a father let his girl marry a boy of upper caste, (who though being
talented lives a poor life), or will he forget all the orthodox views and marry
his girl in a lower caste family ? Of course hell find the second option
better. Love never had much value in our nation.
So why are you worried, my boy ? You all have a bright future ahead. Thank all
your politicians.

1.2k Views View Upvotes

Milind Joshi, An Indian to the core.


Written Dec 21

First the legal position - The Constitution of India permits any adult Indian
citizen to marry another adult Indian citizen of opposite gender irrespective of
caste, color, creed or religion. The various enactments make it mandatory for
the Executive to offer protection to such people. The Judiciary has repeatedly
offered help to such couples despite social opposition and Executive apathy.
Second the social position - In different parts of the country different grades
of opposition comes the way of people marrying out of caste. In states with
higher literacy levels and women empowerment the acceptance of inter-caste
marriages is high. Even if people might not support it, they would not oppose
it, least of all violently. Obviously, in states with lower literacy levels and
low women empowerment, the opposition is more stringent. In some states the
opposition becomes violent too. But the situation is changing here too.
Third the moral or ethical position - Morally and ethically, it is unimportant
as to who marries whom so long as they love each other, live their commitment
and stand by their conviction. For the rest, within caste or out of it, family
courts exist.

1k Views View Upvotes Answer requested by

Manish Kumar Singh

Kranti Kiran
Written Dec 10

A2A
I understand your frustration. The most poisonous later development in Hindusim
has been the Caste n jati system. It effects the religion, it's followers and
unity of India at large.
Decades of its usage and the tradition being continued by ignorant parents along
with caste based politicals fuels it for the future generation as well.
There are even educated people here on quora who use dalit as a word to insult
any criticism directed towards Hindusim. We are so hell bent on maintaining the
perfect image of the religion that keeps us from rectifying the wrong.
Lower caste were oppressed for so many centuries so it is understandable that
they criticise Hindusim. But instead of understanding this many educated Hindus
are unfortunately seeing them as enemies of the religion. They dont want to try
to rectify the wrong but take the easy route of silencing the critiques.
Unfortunately in India a women's izzat is in her vigina and purity, morals in a
caste/jati community. The importance of character that many parts of our
scriptures repeatedly highlight are conveniently overlooked. Over time text have
been corrupted and manipulated to support casteist views. That is why it still
finds acceptance in people along with the divisive caste based politics.
Many Hindus don't know about their faith and are just following what has been
passed down to them. They are busy with their life's which hinders them from
researching or so used to it that they don't want to change. Hinduism has
evolved with time, there is a history behind this evolution which people do not
see or dont want to see. They assume everything as been all passed down by God's
themselves.
A lie told over several times can become truth.
But fortunately people are changing, change is slow but its happening. The
government should encourage inter caste marriage to weed casteism out but
unfortunately as this might effect their votes, it will not happen. For them
people divided are better.
Unfortunately majority of the people only care when it starts to effect them

586 Views Answer requested by

Tanuj Singh

Bharat Magar, studied at Fantasy


Written Jan 5

If they truly care and love each other then they can go ahead and get married.
Indian Constitution doesnt bar anyone from marrying anybody. The real problem
occurs when parents lodge false FIR complaint of kidnapping and in that
situation if the person in question backs off (Due to parents emotional
blackmailing) then it can get ugly. So the problem is not the society or their
parents but those who fall in love.
So whether youre a lower caste person or higher caste you need to be committed.
You need to ask yourself can you get past your parents feelings?.
I have seen instances where people have changed their statements when they got
into trouble and caused more trouble to the accused. If you truly love each
other then stay committed, thats all you need. The Government has made laws and
no one can oppose that so stop blaming the society or people. It is you on whom
it depends not on others.

404 Views View Upvotes

Shekhar Kadam, Born Indian, will die an Indian.


Written Dec 21

Thanks for the A2A.


Fear of backlash my friend. Who would want to mess with rowdy's and uncivilized
people who wouldn't bat an eyelid to kill you. There is no faith in the current
law and order system. People who commit petty crimes get beaten to death while
people who kill or rape get VIP treatment. A girl who suffers molestation or
rape thinks twice before lodging of a complaint, why, out of fear of more
humiliation by the hands of the authorities themselves and social trauma. Why,
is she the culprit? A man would think twice before getting into an inter caste
relationship, why, for fear of a backlash and beating?
Secondly, there is still a long way to go before we actually reform our mindsets
and thinking.

359 Views Answer requested by

Abhishek Bhushan
Dinku Singh, Engineer by education and anthropologist by profession
Written Dec 9

If you go by vedas and see it from aryan perspective, then, if based on varna
system, it is a scientific mechanism developed by aryans for their society.
Unfortunately this thing also like many other borrowings, taken by Hindus from
aryans without getting to the root of reason and mixed it with their culture,
which lead to the development of this vague caste based rational.
For proper understanding of this you need to have knowledge about ARYAN people
(modern day JAT), Hindu religion, psychology, society and genetics.
Lord krishna said in Gita verse 4.13 that it is I who created these varna based
division and gunas (Qualities) are the only criteria to decide varna.
So based on it we have 3 gunas: Satvik, Rajas and Tamas. These rules were
developed more than 7000 years ago, by saptarishis (7 sages) of aryan society.
The logical reasonings of this is of such sound quality that even Ram followed
and implemented these practices.
Now consider two conditions in a patriarchal society based on aryan genus of
varna:
Anuloma (higher varna man marrying lower varna woman): Male Child which will
born to them will have more genetic similarity to father than mother, in
female child it will be 50:50. The qualities which will develop in child is
based on the nature, nurture and mix of two. So being in environment of better
qualities/gunas, the child will learn better gunas and more likely to get a
higher varna status in society because of upbringing and at least half of
genes being from higher varna father. E.g. if your grandparents gave such
upbringing to your father that he attained higher varna, then it is more
likely that they will help the son in upbringing of you also.
Partiloma (lower varna man marrying higher varna woman): Now opposite will
happen. Male child will have high genetic similarity with father from lower
varna, while female child will have 50:50 from eah parent. As being a
patriarchal family, now the child will spend his life more in an environment
with predominance of lower varna qualities, the chances of catching this are
high. E.g. If your father failed to achieve higher status under his parents
upbringing then most probably they lack something which can help you to get
higher varna.
Based on it aryans worked these marriage rule to develop a society to be
progressing towards higher qualities, if not stagnant. This is nothing but
scientific evolution with social practices, given by darwin in 1859.
But this highly scientific practice was maligned by Hindu people who while
borrowing this scientific practice from aryans, didn't changed its caste based
division of society. E.g. while varna is gunas based, caste is birth based. In
same family people can exist with different varnas, but in a family all will
become part of one caste.
Barring a caste Hindu, no person can say that people like mallya are Brahmin. As
per vedas and aryan perspective he is a person with tamasik gunas suppressing
all other gunas, even if present.
Regarding reservation, I think only because of existence of caste based society
and caste problems we have this reservation policy and in words of orwell
Morality is something which we expect from people whom we don't like.
Upper caste feel that lower caste should stop getting reservation, lower caste
feel that upper caste should stop the caste based treatment.

546 Views

Jatin Singh
Written Dec 11
Hi
Indian social order is quite different from western world.The society is divided
into several categories,casts,gotras & varnas.Though it looks unusual and
inappropriate in this modern era.
We all are following these fundamentals of our social order as a traditional
values ,those we got from our ancestors.But the state and the laws of the
country does not encourage it.
Now we compare it with Islam.If we see Islamic laws,there is very strong
discrimination recommended between male and female.Females have very less rights
against male dominated Muslim societies.
If we compare it with Christianity.We come to know that same discrimination
exists in their societies as well.
This type of discrimination exists everywhere.In every country in every society.
Conclusion is if You are determined you face the consequences.Else it Will take
many more years to abolish.As social discrimination took many centuries to
spread its roots deep into our societies.Hence its effect is very strong.

329 Views View Upvotes Answer requested by

Vipul Kumar

Deepali Londhe
Written Dec 10

Dear OP Caste system is alive that is why people don't bat eye.
Everyone is proud or embarrassed of their castes. Some people don't care about
caste at all but owing to our population narrow minded people are majority here.
For these people Inter Marriage means mixing with those who are considered
Malech ( outsiders / non hindus )and low castes. Such a humiliation.
Some people don't like lower castes getting same respect and opportunities so
they cry about Reservation. Few students who have never faced discrimination in
their life crib about marks and cut offs. They should travel all over India and
see conditions of masses.

434 Views View Upvotes Answer requested by

Manish Kumar Singh

Sidharth Shankar, Indian, Geek-ish, Tech savvy, Blogger, Dreamer, Rational,


Liberal et cetra
Written Jun 2, 2015

Everything which mentions caste system gets associated by reservation on Quora.


What the f*** is the problem here! Is reservation the only bad effect of caste.
Whining about it on every f****** caste related topic is bloody irritating. And
answering the question I'd like to say that it is because the stupid mindset of
Indians is still governed by an obsolete and good for nothing caste system.
2.4k Views View Upvotes
Vineet Menon, Indian for 28 years. Yes, that's my age.
Written Jul 12, 2016

A classic case of conflating two entirely different preposition into one big
Indian hypocrisy.
Marriage is a social contract between two persons or in worst case two families.
Reservations on the other hand affect more than 50% of the population, for some
in positive way (as beneficiaries of affirmative action) and for most in
negative way and for the society as a whole in arguably negative manner.
The reason for huge hullabaloo over inter-caste marriage is because in India
marriages are scrutinized over a large set of data points, caste and sub-caste
being just one of them. The list is huge including height, age, weight, built,
family values, income range, general economic status even the country of
residence. Jati is also a factor here because jatis dictate the cultural norms
and customs being practiced by a person for example dietary habits, celebrated
festivals,ishta-devata etc.
So, since these two issues cannot be clubbed together, the first part of the
question has been answered excellently multiple times at various other answers
like India: What are your views on caste based reservation system in India?

962 Views
Puneet Aggarwal, 22+ experience in living a shitty life
Written Dec 11

Who told you they can't? Of course they can just not in India as there will be
24h danger to their lives if they do such act in India.

198 Views Answer requested by

Abhishek Bhushan

Shrishti Dushti, Give up the tag of SC/ST/OBC be equal


Written Dec 12

I know a lot of people who have married intercaste so I don't know why you think
it can't be done.Intercaste marriages in north are at least are not so
uncommon.If both are really in love or want to they will get married.Hue and cry
over reservation?Idk what you mean by that.

246 Views Answer requested by

Tanuj Singh
Ashutosh Jha, lousy guy
Written Dec 1, 2014

Because marriages are made in heaven and ultimately descend into hell.Descending
into hell after making parents happy seems to be an intelligent choice.
Reservation on the contrary is like expectations and actions of entire life of
ultimately getting into heaven[teachings of hard work and fairness] but being
demoted to hell because the guy got the reservation certificate. Everybody is
unhappy.
2.6k Views View Upvotes

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