House of Dolls

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Houseofdolls
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HouseofDolls
by
Katzetnik135633
TranslatedfromtheHebrewbyMosheM.Kohn
19tl55
SIMONANDSCHUSTER
NewYork
[E.D'M.A.]
ALLRIGHTSRESERVED
INCLUDINGTHERIGHTOFREPRODUCTION
INWHOLEORINPARTINANYFORM
COPYRIGHT,,1055,BYNINADENUR
PUBLISHEDBYSIMONANDSCHUSTER,INC.
ROCKEFELLERCENTER,630FIFTHAVENUE
NEWYORK2,N.Y.
SECONDPRINTING
LIBRARYOFCONGRESSCATALOGCARDNUMBER:5412363
MANUFACTUREDINTHEUNITEDSTATESOFAMERICA
BYH.WOLFFBOOKMFG.CO.,INC.,NEWYORK
TONIKE
withoutwhomthisbook
wouldnothavebeenwritten
Chapter1
"Daniella,"hecalledsoftlytoher,"whydidn'tyoucomefora
warmsnacklastnight?Wewaitedforyou."
Thevoicecamefromjustbehindher.Sheknewimmediately
itwasVevkestandingthere.NooneelsepronouncestheT*in
hernamesohardyetwithsuchfatherlytenderness.
Shewentonrippingtheseamofthestripedtrousers.
"Thanks,Vevke,"sheansweredwithoutturningtofacehim,
TbutI'mnothungry.Really."
<cYouwon'tmakeusanypoorer,"hecontinuedwhisperingover
hershoulder."Aneighthmouthisnostrainonapotthatfeeds
seven.Don'tbestubborn."
Schultzestoodonthethresholdoftheragroom,grippinghis
canepointup,likeaPrussianofficersalutingwithhissword.Vev
kestoopedquicklytoscoopupapileofrags,andcarrieditout
withaswingonhispowerful,upraisedforearms.Thewomenfol
lowedhimwithmute,furtivesideglancesasheswungintothe
cuttingroomanddepositedhisloadononeofthehighcutting
tables.
Therearemomentswhenthepileofwornclothinginthecenter
oftheragroombestirsitselfsuddenlylikeavolcanoandsendsa
pervasivefearthroughoutthelargeroom.Thewomen,huddled
attheirbenchesaroundtheclothesheap,aresuddenlystill.Their
handsmanipulatethekniveslikejpriestessesreadyingaramfor
offertoahungrygod.Theheapftpn^sinfearfulwrathawrath,
itseems,thatwillneverbeqmtodfed.Butforthemostpart,the
heapIsstillasonlyaheapofraggedoldclothescanbestill
whilethemouthsofthewomenarounditpouroutasteady
streamofprattle.
Overtheragroomisthemachineroom,wherehundredsofsew
ingmachineswhironwithoutstop.Someoftheoperators,anxious
tofilltheirquotas,worksointentlythatthetreadlesoftheir
machinesclatteronthefloor,andbelow,intheragroom,the
ceilingrumbleslikemuffledthunderclapsrollingacrossthesky.
Thedinneverletsup.Thepeoplehavebecomeusedtoit,like
inhabitantsofafishingvillagetotheroarofthesurf.
Danielladrawsagarmentfromtheclothesheap,men'srain
coatsareeasiesttorip.Alongseamrunsdownthebackofthis
typeofcoat,andtheknifeflowsrightthroughtheseamunhin
deredleavingtimetodaydream.Theworkiseasy.Thepockets
aren'tattachedwithoutsideseams,andthereisnofearthatthe
sharpcobblers'knifewillslipandcutthematerial.
Butthetroubleis,you'renotallowedtosamplethroughthe
pile;everyonehastotakewhatcomes,offthetop.It'sallamatter
ofluck.Everythinghereisamatterofluck:everysooftenagold
coinisfoundhidden,ofallplaces,inthecollarofasmallchil
dren'scoat
Nooneknowsfromwherethelargevansbringthepilesof
clothingtotheshoefactorywarehousesdayafterday.Noone
knowswherethepeoplearewhoworethesepilesofclothes,and
noonepursuesthisthoughttoitslogicalconclusion:Wherewere
thesepeopletakentonaked,unclothed?Buteveryoneknowsthat
nearBreslauthereisavastcampwheretheydonothingbutsift
theseveryclothesforhiddenvaluablesthatmightbesewninto
them.
There,atCampBreslau,theclothesaresorted:Thenewerand
betteronesareshippedtoGermany,theshabbieronesarebought
byHimmler'sLaborCommissionerfortheshoefactoryrecently
openedintheghetto.Heretheyareripped,anduppersarecut
fromthemforthewoodenshoestheGestapobuysbythehun
dredsofthousandsfortheGestapoonlyknowswhatpurpose.
NowevenifDaniellaweretopickthroughtheclothesheap,
andselectthebestgarmenttoworkon,noneofthewomenwould
daresayaword.Theyallknowthatthisblondmissislooked
afterbyVevke,technicalsupervisorotheshoefactory.ButDan
iellawouldn'tdoit;shecan'tWereshemerelytoreachintothe
heaptopickoneoftheeasierpieces,alleyeswouldimmediately
beuponher,sullenlywatching.Shecan'tstandthestaresofthese
women.Alldaylongtheyscanwhatisgoingonallaroundthem.
Theycuttheirfingersonthesharpcobblers'knives,butthis
doesn'tteachthemtostopspyingononeanother.Eachisafraid
herneighbormightuncoveratreasureamongtheseams.Their
eyesaretense,nervous;theirheartspound;andtheirbirdstep
glancesskipaboutleftandright,fromhandstohands.
Nooneknowsifthereisanythinghiddenintheseamsofthe
garmentsomehandshavejustpulledfromtheheap.Alldraw
fromthesameclothesheap.Everyjackethasacollarandallthe
trousershavethesamehiddenseams.Everyoneknowsthegar
mentshavebeencarefullysearchedatCampBreslau,Neverthe
less,theeyesneverrelax.Theymightcatchaglimpseofagold
coinflashingoutofarippedseamintoastranger'shand;ordetect
somehandsunrollingalong,greenstripofpaperanAmerican
"noodle"fromahangerloop.Afterall,theexaminersatGamp
Breslauareonlyhuman.
Totherightisthecuttingroom;totheleft,thecobblers*.The
foremenandsectionheadsscramblefranticallyabout.Thework
rageson.Schultze,thechiefGermansupervisor,slithersalong
thewallsoftheworkroomswithhiscane.Vevkemovesfrom
workbenchtoworkbench,ostensiblybringingtoeachbench
freshmaterialtobeworked.ButVevkeknowshisworkers.He
knowsnearwhomtopausesoliewillbeonhandforaquickres
cuejobtosaveashoefromruinationbyanewsprungcobbler,
andthe"cobbler"fromdeportationtoAuschwitz;fortoSchultze,
aspoiledshoeis"willfulsabotage."
...he'sastrangeone,Vevke,thinksDaniella.Forhimthere
arestillseven,**Aneighthmouthisnostrainonapotthatfeeds
seven../'SincethedisasterwithTedek,shehasn'tbeenableto
showherfaceinVevke*shovel.Andshellnevergothereagain.
Actually,Vevkeshouldhateher;hiswholefamilyshouldhateher.
Tedekwasthefavoriteson,thefamilydarling.Theyallusedto
gloryinMmso:Tedek.Doesn'tsheknowit!Butwasitherfault?
Theyknowonlyonething,though:Tedekhadlefttheghettofor
hersake!ButmorethanoncehadTedekgonefromtheghettoto
theAryanside!FerberalwaysusedTedektohelphimonhisun
dergroundmissions.Morethanonce....Andhehadnever
beencaught.Actually,themostingeniousghettoplans,nomatter
howcarefullyworkedout,alwaysprovetobehorriblyfoolishand
naive.Ghettoplans!Tedekhadbeenobsessedwithjustoneprob
lem:HowtogetthroughtheBeskidianWoodstotheSlovakian
border.Asifhehadnothingelsetoworryabout.Healreadyhad
anelaborateplan,thoughtouttothelastdetail,howhewould
takehertoPalestine.Butnosoonerdidhestepoutoftheghetto
thanhewascaught.Ghettoplans!Ifnotforher,maybeTedek
wouldneverevenhavetakenthisdisastrousstep.Tedekhadbeen
inlovewithher.Itwasallclear,now.Everyonehadknownitbut
she.Shehadnevershownanysignofsuchfeelingstowardhim;it
neverevenoccurredtoher.Why,shehadn'tevenagreedtohis
planofescapebecauseshehadfelthewasdoingitforher,tosave
her.Still,howcouldsheshowherfacetohisfamilythough
there'snowayofknowingwhetherhewassenttoAuschwitz,or
toalaborcamp.Butwhat'sthedifference?Nobodyknowswhat
"Auschwitz"is,justasnobodyknowswhat'laborcamp"is.
Peoplevanishintobothwithoutatrace,andthat'sthelastthatis
heardofthem.
Photographs
Allsortsofphotographs.Somanyphotographs.Bigonesand
smallonesdropfromtherippedpockets.Theyliescatteredall
overthefloor;peoplewalkonthem.Atfirst,whenaphotograph
woulddropoutofapocket,they'dtrytoreadtheinscriptionon
thebackNowtheydon'tevenbother.Rivkah,tiecleaning
woman,sweepstheminbunchesontothetrashheap.Noone
paysattentiontothephotographsanymore:Schulfzeiswatching;
besides,thefacesinthephotographsnolongermeananything.
Oneisusedtohavinglyingaboutunderfoot:bridesandgrooms
ontheirbridalday,totssmilingfromtheircribs,boyishheads
dartingtheirsharp,engagingglancesatyou.
Peoplehadtakenalongthesephotosasrelicsoftheirownlives.
Theinscriptionsonthebacksofthephotographsaren'tread
anymore.Youknowwithoutlookingyouwon'tbeabletounder
standthem,anyway.SomeareinscribedinDutchandothersin
French;someinRussianandothersinGerman;someinFlemish,
othersinCzech;someinGreekandothersinYiddish;somein
Italian,othersinHebrew.Whohereknowssomanylanguages!
"...apotthatfeedsseven..*ThesehadbeenVevke's
verywordsthenightshearrivedherefromCracow,rightafter
hehadrescuedherfromtheJewMilitia.Tedekwasstillaround,
then.Shedidn'tknowhimasyet.Menashe,too,wasstillaround.
TheFiveOaksallthesonsofVevkethecobblerwerestillto
getherthen.Hehadtoldherthen"thatfeedsseven"andthese
arestillhisverywords.Forhimtherearestillseven...
Tedefcmusthavebeenoutofhismind.Allknewhimtobe
cautious,realistic,andheknewverywellitwasthematterofthe
woodsthathadcosthisyoungerbrotherMenashehislife.And
whatdifferencediditreallymake,theSlavicWoodsorthe
Beskidian?LongbeforeMenashe'sdeaththeybeganfindingJew
ishcorpsesthathadbeentossedfromtheSlavicWoodsontothe
crossroads,notesnailedtotheirnakedflesh:SHOT,BUTNOTBY
GEBMANSPOLISHPARTISANS.
Tedekknewthisverywell,butheneverstoppedarguing,*Tm
notwaitingfortheGermanstokilleveryJewintheghetto!"What
hadn'tshedonetokeephimfromcarryingouthisplan!She
pleadedwithhimandbeggedhim,thoughneverbringingup
thenameofhisbrotherMenashe.Shedidn'tdare.ButTedek's
mindwasmadeup;notevenhisfatherorMsmothercould
changeit."It'snouse,**hedeclared.WIwontstayintheghettoI*
Vevkelistened,swalloweddeep,saidnothing.
Then,whenTedekbroughthomethefalsereport,"Menash
hasjoinedthepartisans/*Vevkeswallowedthatsamedeepswal
low.Tothisdayit'shardtotellwhetherhereallyhadbeenfooled,
orwhetherheknewwhatactuallyhadhappened.Hiswife,Gittel,
stoodfacingthestove,hertearsdroppingsoftlyintothepotsshe
keptshiftingaimlesslyfromplacetoplace.Vevkestoodjustbe
hindherandspoketoheroverhershoulder:
^Gittel,mycrown,youTIsee,Menashewillsoonbebadeina
RussiantankashighasHellershouse.You'llsee,Gittele..."
Hegotthesewordsout,andrushedfromtheshackasifhe
werebeingchased,
Onthehightablesinthecuttingroomthestripsofcloth
broughtinfromtheragroomarepiledcolorbycolor:navyblue,
officialstudents'uniform;blackAlpaca,wornbyOrthodoxJews
andaccountants;blueserge,foreveningwear;brownherring
bonecheviot,forastrollonabrisk,clearwinterday.Neatly
assorted,colorbycolor,theylieontopofeachother.Oneach
pilethecutterplaceshispattern,shovesthebladeofhisrazor
sharpknifedeepintothecloth,drawsitalongtheoutlineofthe
patternasapencilisdrawnalongaruler'sedgeandcuts
"mates."The"mates"aretakenforsewingtothemachineroom
andthenreturnedtothecobblers'room.
WhentheLaborCommissionerfirstdecidedtoopentheshoe
shopintheghetto,theredevelopedaterrificcrushonthe
Judenrat*Everyonewantedtogetintotheshoeshop.People
scrapedthelastfamilyheirloomsoutoftheirhidingplacesand
thrustthemintothehandsoftheJudenratpeople.Forwhat
greatersecuritywasthereforaJewthantohavealaborcard
identifyinghimasamemberoftheLaborForceofnoneother
thantheSonderBeauftragtertheveryLaborCommissionerwho
wasengagedinprovidingJewsforthelaborcamps!Why,it'sas
clearasdayhewon'tsendhisownworkerstoalaborcamp!
Butitsoonbecameevidentthattherewerenocobblersinthe
ghettotheJudenrathadearlyturnedthepoorartisansoverto
theGestapoasransomfortherich.Couldtheyhaveimagined
thatthetimewouldcomewhenacobblerwouldbeneededinthe
ghetto,andforthelifeofthemtheywouldn'tbeabletoproduce
one?Forwith"intellectuals"and"screwturners"**alonethey
couldhardlymakeshoesfortheGestapo.Soitiseasytoseehow
relievedtheJudenratcrowdweretobeabletoproduceVevke
*Judenrat:"JewCoimciFGenaanappointedautonomousJewishCom
munityCouncil.
**Screwturners:wealthymerchantswhoboughtlaborcardsfromthe
JudenratandshowedupattheshoponlywhentheGermanscameintothe
ghettotocollectJewsfordeportation,
theLithuanian,whowasknownfromprewardaysasamaster
cobbler.AndVevkereallysavedtheday.Hewasappointedtech
nicalsupervisorotheshoeshopandquicHysetaboutmaking
shoemakersoutofghettoJews.
Rowafterrowoflong,lowtablesstandinthecobblers*room.
Onthelowbenchesliningthetablessiteminentdoctors,famous
lawyers,rabbis,alltryingurgentlytolooktoSchultzelikeold
timecobblers.
Sometimesitseemsthathereisalargekindergarten.,except
thatonthelowbenchessitgrownupJews,andinsteadoftoys
theirpallidhandsholdwoodensoleswhichtheyrimwithnails.
Atnoon,whenSchultzedisappearstotheComrades*Clubfor
lunch,Vevkesitsdownatacobblers*tableandgetstowork.No
soonerdoesVevkefeelthecobblers"hammerinMshandthanthe
oldgleamisbackinhiseyes.Heisrefreshed,fullofcoloragain,
likeonesoakinginthewarmthandloveofhomeafterlong,
lonelywandering.Vevkeisn'tcutouttobeaboss.He'sfedup
withthedaylongaimlesscirclingamongthetables.Itsapshis
energy,hebeginstofeellistless;hisfeetdrag,hiseyesdroop.
Alldaylongtheyshout,"Supervisor!""Supervisor!'*Firstfrom
thistable,thenfromthat;nowfromthisroom,thenfromthe
other.Thewholethingdisgustshim.Hecan'tstandtohearitany
more,andhecannolongerstandbeingresponsibleforshoes
madebydoctorsandlawyers.
Now,grippingthehammer,hefeelsallhislimbscometolife
again.Thesinewsofhisrightarmbegintobulge,hischestex
pands,asurgeofpowerfillshiswholebeing.Ah,it'swonderful
tofeelthiswayagain!Feelingnimble,hescoopsahandfulof
nailsintohismouth,likeahungryglutton,andanurgeawakens
withinhimtoburstintosong.
Strange.Evenwhenyou'restrappedtothetorturerackinthe
Gestapodungeon,andthetoolsofdeathletupcrackingyour
bonesforamoment,themarrowinthemsuddenlygetsanover
poweringurgetosingoutinjoythoughtheblackuniformsstill
standoveryou,theirfacesgrinningsatanicallyatyou.You're
stillstrappedtotheracknotwithstandingthat,inspiteofit,
youhaveaterrificurgetogrinwiththem.Yourbones*first
momentofreliefimpelsyoutoit.Themarrowinthemsuddenly
wantstosing.
Gittelwouldsurelysaynow,"Seventy?Morelikeseven!"In
theghetto,intheshoeshopoftheGermans,andhewantstosing!
Soheremainssilent.Hestiflesthesongstirringinhissinewsand
listenswithoneearasSilverstein,thefamouspediatrician,re
peatsthepoliticalnewsforVevkethesupervisorwhohasdeigned
tositattheirtable.Theothercobblersdonotlookupfromtheir
shoes;theystayhuddledovertheirworklikehenscrowding
aroundthegrainjusttossedatthem.
<cThel>ox*reportsthatRoosevelthasspoken..."
"Roosevelthasspoken..."Thecobblerspassthewordalong
frommantoman,tabletotable,withoutlookingupfromtheir
shoes.
"Roosevelthasspoken..."
Nobodyaskswhathesaid,whattidingshebrings,justasdrug
addictsdonotaskthemselveswhatitisthatbluntstheirsenses;
whatcausesthemtotremblesoattheverymentionofthewhite
potion.
Enoughtoknow"Roosevelthasspoken..,"
Bergson,thecantorofthe"atheists'*synagogue,whobefore
thewarlivedinthesamehouseasVevkewhich,infact,ex
plainshowhecametobeworkingintheshoeshopchartsout
onthereversesideofawoodensolethestrategicsituationin
Perekop,intheCrimea,whichtheGermansareabouttocapture.
"Apoxandaplagueonthemforalltheirpower!"Vevkespits
hiscurseoutwithabunchofnails.
Atthecobblers*table,Vevkeforgetsawhilethehurtburied
deepinhisheart.Thecobblers*hammerinhishandaffectshim
likeamagicwand.Heshedshishereandnowpersonalityand
becomestheoldVevke:nolongerthe"supervisor**circlingamong
thetables,responsibletotheGermansfortheshoesmanufactured
byhis^cobblers/*
ButthislastsonlyaslongasSchultzeisawayfromtheshoe
shop.
Whenhegetsback,Schultzefirstturnstotheragroom.He
slinksstealthilyin,sooneonewillseehim.Hisskullisabloated
whiteglobe,withoutatraceofhairfromnapetoeyes.Awrinkled
hintofafacepeersfromhisbloatedskullasifithadbeenat
tachedinanafterthought.Altogether,hisheadlookslikea
magnifiedembryohead.Hismouthisneveridle.Thereisalways
alightedcigarpeggedbetweenhisblue,tightlips.Smokerises
ceaselesslyfromthecigar,asifsomespecialinstinctwerecon
stantlypressinghim,proddinghim:"ShowthemyouareSchultze!
Showthemyou'renotanembryo!Factis,yousmokecigars/*
Schultzehasagameleg;whichiswhyhemovesaboutonthree.
Anditisthethirdleghiscanethatisthemostdangerous.The
tipofthecanehasarubbercap,whichonlySchultzeknowshow
towieldsoitwillbealongtimebeforehisvictimregainshis
breath.Nooneknowsyetwhetherthesecretofthecane'sevil
powerisintherubbertiporinSchultze'sabilitytoaimhisthird
leg.Howeverthatmaybe,Schultzeslinksintotheragroom,con
vincedthatnooneseeshim.Andactually,itispossiblethatno
onewouldnoticehim,ifthesmellofhisburningcigardidn't
carrysuchalongway.
Hesneaksfirstintotheragroom.Hehasalreadysenttwoseam
ripperstoAuschwitz.OnehadfoundaRussiangold<eporker"
underthekneepatchofapairofoveralls.Herneighborinsisted
shewasentitledtohalf:Shehadheldtheoverallsfirst.Shecer
tainlywillnotgiveuphershareofthecoin!Theargument
reachedSchultze'sears,andrightafterworktheywereboth
turnedovertotheGestaponevertoreturn.Thenextday,
Schultzeissuedanorderthatallseamrippersweretobethor
oughlysearchedbeforeleavingwork.Buttheyoutsmartedhim,
andifanyonedidfindanythinginthosedays,shequicklyswal
lowedit.Fromthatdayon,theseamrippershavebeenkeeping
adosewatchoneachother'smouths.
II
Thephotographlayontheflooratherfeet.Ithadfallenfrom
thebreastpocketofajackettogetherwithasmallphylacterybag.
Thebagwasofpurplevelvet,embroideredwith,asilvermono
graminsideaStarofDavid.Daniellaglidedthecobblers'knife
alongtheseamofacheckedwintercoat,likeaviolinisttuninga
stringnotreallyplaying,butadeafmanonlyseesthemotions;
sheisn'treallyworking,butSchultzewatchingfromafarwon't
knowthedifference.Shecouldn'ttearhereyesfromthephoto,
Aboyandagirl.JustlikesheandMoniinthephotosetinthe
locketonherheart.Theeyesofthetwochildrenlookedupat
herfromthefloor,givinghernorest.AsiftheywereMoni'seyes
asking,"Dam,whydidyougoaway?"
Herpastwreatheditselfaboutthephotographonthefloorlike
aframeandlookedupatherasoutofsomestrange,hazyex
istence.Herownlifenowlayatthefootoftheheapofoldjackets
andtrousers:herownlife,herownyesterday.Yetshecouldn't
makeitout.Itwassoalientothisragroom;soremotefromthe
highcuttingtablesandfromthelowtablesinthecobblers'room!
Thepeopleintheroomssuddenlyseemedlikecreaturesenclosed
inacoloredcrystalball:toallappearancesalive,astir,butshe
can'treachthroughtothem*Sheisveryfarfromthem,beyond
theirsphere,unabletoapproachthem,minglewiththemyet
heresheisamongthem.Herlifeliesatthefootoftheheapofold
clothes,wispsofrecollectionfloatingtothetopofherconscious
nesslikeSchultze'scigarsmokerisingintotheroom.Youcan't
seethesmoke,butyousenseitsterrifyingGermanicsmell.
Twoexistences.Severedandsundered.Noconnectionorbridge
betweenthem.Whichisrealityandwhichnightmare?Thisclothes
heapcertainlyisnomirage:sheseesitwithhereyes,feelsitwith
herhands!Canshebelivingthesetwoseparatelivessimultane
ously?Twoexistences,onealongsidetheother?"Warisbrew
ing...Ifsabadtimeforexcursions.."Daddywaving
awhitekerchief...thetrainpullingout...howdoes
Schultze'sheadsuddenlyloomhereinthedoorway?Howdidshe
herselfgethere?Whereisthebridgebetweenthesetwoexist
ences?Whatarethebluechecksonthiswintercoatinherhands?
Whatisthemeaningofthisknifegleamshe'snowpressinginto
aseam?...
Thepurpleofthephylacterybagsplashesagainsthereyes.
Everythingfillswithpurple.Aterrificurgefillshertopickup
10
thislittlebag.ButRivkahsweepssuchtriflesontothetrashheap:
youcan'tcutany*mates"fromsuchasmallbag.Herdiaryisalso
boundinthesamepurplevelvet.Onthebronzeplaqueisin
scribed:ToMyGiftedDaniella....Adiagonalscarnowcreases
thesewords,asiftheGermanbullethadintendedtoerasethem.
Thebulletwouldhaveplowedintoherbackifshehadn'ttaken
thediaryalonginherknapsack,andshewouldhavebeenleft
lyinginYablovamarketplaceasalltheotherJewswereleftlying
there;asallherfirsttermclassmateswereleftlyingthere.
Inthecuttingroom,thesectionheadsbustlefromtableto
table.Thepressureison.The"screwturners"turnedoutfullforce
inthefactorytoday:anAktionmustbebrewing.Theassorted
stripsofsmoothclothlieinneatpilesonthefloorlikeYablova
marketplacewhentheGermansorderedtheJewstofallflat
ontheirfaces.Allatonce,themarketplacewaspavedwithhuman
backs,likeneatpilesofcloth:nowthemarketplacewasfull,sud
denlyitwasemptyatoncefullandempty.Notthewayitwas
ontheroadtoCracow;then,shewasn'tabletocatchevena
glimpseoftheroad.OnlywhentheGermanbombersswooped
down,andallswarmedtotheshelteroftheditchesalongthe
road,onlythendidastark,endlessroademerge,strippedofits
humancasing.Thenshesaw:ahorsecarcass,legsoutstretched
thepeoplehadtrampledittodeath;abrokenbicyclelyingonits
side,wheelsfacingskyward;babybuggiesgroaningunderpots
andbeddingabare,dead,endlessroad.
...canthesebetheclothesoftheYablovaJews?Reesha
Meyerchikworeacoatjustlikethisontheexcursion.Ifnotfor
thebronzeplaqueonherdiarytheymightberippingherown
raincoatinthisragroom.ButhowdidtheclothesoftheYablova
Jewsgethere?Itallhappenedthreeyearsago!Mommyhad
urgedher,"Dani,takealongyourraincoat.Itwfllcomeinhandy
duringthetrip...."Ifshehadn'ttakenitalongshewouldn't
beabletosmuggleAbramthetrader'sclothwrappedaroundher
waist,andshewouldhavestarvedtodeath.There'snoquestion
thatanAktionisscheduledintheghetto:WhyelsedidBerman
thegolddealercomescamperingtotheworkshop?Thecutters
worktheirheartsout.Theyareontheirfeetattheirtablesall
11
day.Vevke,too,plodsaboutonhisfeetallday.IfnotforVevke,
shecouldneverhavedreamedofworkingintheshoeshop.She's
aluckyone,alwayswas.Howelseexplainthatshe'sstillalive?
Adayofletters,writtenandunwritten.Aletterdropsfrom
almosteverypockettoday.Asifthepeoplehadallbeenmembers
ofthesametransport;*orasiftheyhadbeenassuredthatthey
wouldbepermittedtowritehomeassoonastheywerebrought
totheirdestination.Rivkahsweepsthelettersontothetrashheap.
Theenvelopesstillpulsewiththelifeofthefingersthathad
sealedthem.
Astrangefearnowhoversovertheragroom.Everyonefeels
itSuddenly,thejacketliningsbegintoexudehumanbodyheat;
handsfilloutthesleeves;neckssproutfromallcollars;stomachs
andlegsmaterializeinallthetrousers.Livehumansfillthe
clothes.
Anumbsilencesuddenlysettlesamongtheseamrippers,the
knifebladesmoveasoftheirownaccord.Eyesareloweredtothe
seam,andthestrangegarmentreflectsbackatthemtheirown
doom.
Ononeofthewindowsintheragroom,overabrokenpane,a
prayershawlisspread,fixedwithnailstothewindowframe,to
keepoutthesnow.Thewindhumpsitselfintotheshawl,andit
lookslikeaJewwrappedinaprayershawlstrainingtojump
throughthewindow.
Asthewomensitinstunnedsilence,thethunderrumblesdown
fromthemachineroomwithmountingintensity.Asiflavahas
begunseethingwithintheclothesheapandisabouttoburstout
andswampeverything,everyone.Schultzestandsnearthedoor
wayandwiththerubbertipofhiscaneshovesaletterontothe
trashheap.
^ZararhescreechesatRivkah(toSchultzeallJewishwomen
are**Sara")"Let'shaveitclean!"Heraiseshiscane,setsthe
rubbertipagainstthecenterofRivkah'sbrow,pausesmomen
tarily,peersintothewoman'seyes,andsuddenly,asifremem
beringsomething,resumeshisviolentscreeching:"Clean!Clean!"
Andhegoeshobblingoutoftheragroom.
*Transport:deportationtodeathcamp.
12
Adayofletters.Somewritteninink;others,inpencil.Either
way,noonecanreadthem.MaybetheyarewritteninDutch,
maybeinGreek,Thetruthis,you'reafraidtoreadthem,letalone
pocketthem.Itmaybeforbidden.WhoknowswhatSchultze
forbidsandwhatheallows!HehassentpeopletoAuschwitzfor
pettiercrimes."Nowdon'tforget?Daniellaytosendhomeapost
cardeveryday....*Papahadneverlookedsoworriedasthat
timeintherailroadstation.Shehadn'tunderstood,then;shehad
otherthingsonhermind.Later,intheCracowghetto,they
frightenedherwiththeiradmonishment:"GodforbidthataJew
shouldusetheGermanmailFEverythingconnectedwiththe
swastikareekedofdeath."Thewarwon'tlastforever*Better
wait;betterbecareful../*Shecouldstillhavewrittenhome,
then.Kongressiaghettohadn'tyetbeensohermeticallysealed.
LatershegotthereportfromZalkethesmuggler.God!How
casuallyZalkestated:NothingnewinKongressiaghetto.The
livingaren'tdead;thedeadaren'talive.No,hedoesn'tknow
herparents.Findsomeoneintheghetto?Notachance!Noone
liveswheretheyusedto.Eventhedeaddon'thaveanaddress
anymore.Nooneevenhasanameanymore."Jew"iswhatpegs
themall.ComesanAktionandtheGermanreachesintothe
ghettoasintoaseedbagandpullsoutafistful;everyseedthat
slipsbetweenthefingersgetsabitofareprieveinsidethe
gloomysack...
Whydidsheletthemswayher?Whydidn'tshewritetoher
parentsthen,whentheywerestillathome?TwoyearsinCracow.
Strange,notonceduringthosetwoyearsdiditoccurtoherthat
inthatverycity,almostwithinastone'sthrow,wastheKing's
Palace,theVavel.Thewholepurposeoftheexcursionhadbeen
theVavel.Howcouldsheforget!"Vavel..?Overnightthe
nameliadtakenonameaningofdread.Itclungtoyoudayand
night,makingwakefulnessaterrorandsleepanightmare.
ItwasfromtheVavelthatGauleiterFrankextendedtherule
oftheGermanpeople.
Vavel.Howheartsusedtoquickenatthesoundofthename.
VavelMickiewicz'stoinb.Howcouldsheforget!Asifithap
penedinanotherexistence.Soremote,soalientoeverything
IS
abouthernow.Abeautifuldreamgone,forgotten.Butitstill
ripplesthroughherbeing,softly,tenderly,likethelingering,
dyingwhisperofaharpstring;likethehauntingechoofamel
odyofyearning
Amelodyofanotherworld
14
Chapter2
Abrightworld,radiantasanearlyspringmorning.Aworld
fullofmysticluresthatbeckontoyounghearts.Summer'send,
1939.
DANIEIZAPBELESHNTK.
She,thefourteenyearoldschoolgirl,couldnotfallasleepthat
nightbeforeherfirstexcursion.Shewasseizedwithherfirst
travelfever.Thethoughtsracedinandoutofhermindasthrough
aswingingdoor,leavingherkeyedupwithanticipation:Tomor
row,firstthinginthemorning,sheisleavingforCracowwithher
classmatesonherveryfirstexcursion.Howshehadhadtofight
togetherway!Finallysheprevaileduponpapa,whokeptargu
ing;"It'sabadtimeforexcursions...,Warisbrewing.../*
WhathasawartodowithaschoolexcursiontoMickiewicz's
tombintheVavel?TodayisAugust27,andonSeptember3,
whenthenewschoolyearbegins,theclasswillalreadybeback.
Sowhat'stheretobeafraidof?Thosewhowantwardon'thave
togoontheexcursion.Butshehowdoesallthatconcernher?
Beyondthewindow,thestreetsofPoland'sindustrialcity
Kongressiabegandrowsingofftosleep.Anighttrolleywhizzedby
fromtimetotime,grindingitswheelsagainstthetracks,you
don'theartheirclangoratallwhentheyracethroughthecity's
bustlingstreetsduringtheday.
Afullmoontarriedonthecrucifixspireofthechurchwhich
theJewishindustrialist,OskarKahanov,builtforhisworkers
besidehislargefactory.Apalebeamoflightstreamedthrough
theopenwindowintotheelegant,whitelacqueredchildren's
15
room,illuminatingthepackedknapsackonthetable.Onthe
othersideofthemoonbeamrosethesoft,rhythmicbreathingof
sleepingMoni,Daniella'ssevenyearoldbrother.
...whatawonderfulchancethiswillbetostopoffinMetrop
oliandvisitHarry.Shellgothroughwithherplanevenifit
meansmissingthefirstdayofschool.Maybeshe'llconvince
HarrytotakeherwithhimtoPalestinenow.Hepromisedtosend
forherassoonashegotthere;sowhyshouldn'thetakeheralong
inthefirstplace?Ofcourse,MomandDadmustn'tgetwindof
allthis.
DaniellalovesherbrotherHarryheartandsoul.Sheidolizes
him.Thoughheseemstohavebecomesomewhatestrangedlately.
SinceSanyacameintohislife,hehasbeenslowtoanswerher
letters.Andhislettersdon'tevensoundthesame.Noquestion
aboutit.Heiscompletelyabsorbedwiththisstranger.Sanya
standslikeawallbetweenHarryandher.True,hedoesn'tsay
asmuch;butyouonlyhavetocomparehisearlyletters,solong
andmeaningfulyouactuallyhadtostudythem,withthepost
cardshe'sbeensendingherlately.Eachpostcardopensand
closeswiththesameexcuse:he'sbusypreparingforhiscoming
triptoPalestine.Harry'svisits,too,havebecomelessandless
frequentsincehemetSanya.Intheolddays,whenheusedto
visit,hewouldtakeheronlongwalks,askhertoconcerts.Winter
time,they'dgoiceskatingtogether.Often,hewouldspringsur
prisesonher.Leavingschoolafterclass,shewouldsuddenlyspot
Harrywaitingforheracrossthestreet.Hewouldcomeupto
her,gracefullydoffhishat,andsay,"MayIhavethehonorof
themademoiselle'scompanyforabriefafternoonpromenade?"
Thegirlswouldn'tstoptalkingabouthimfordaysafterthat.
Daniellatossedandturnedinherbed.Strangefantasies,often
takingonahueofreality,woveandspunbeforehereyes,weav
ingherintothem.Onanothersleeplessmidnightlikethis,she
wouldsurelyturnonherdesklampandsitdowntowriteinher
diary:atanyothertime,shewouldn'tbeafraidthatMommight
seethelightinthetransomoftiechfldren'sroomdoor.More
fiianoncehasMacomeintotheroomatmidnighttotakeaway
abookshewasreading,ordosethediaryshewaswritingin,
16
andshuntherofftobed.Tonightshecan'ttakeachance:tomor
rowistheexcursion,andPastillisn'ttookeenonhergoing.Any
mischiefnow,andshe'llreallyspoileverything.
Shemusthavethediaryontheexcursion.Thistimeshe'sgot
towinfirstprizeintheessaycontestatschool.Shellputherbest
intoherdescriptionoftheexcursion.Butshewon'tshowanyone
heressay.ExceptHarryshe'llsendhimacopy.Shemustsur
prisehim.Shemustwinfirstprize.ThenHarrywillknowwhom
tobeproudof.
Shejumpedoutofbed,openedthedeskdrawerandtookout
thediary:tomorrowshemightforgettoputitinherknapsack.
Themoonbeamilluminatedthethicknotebookinherhands.It
wasboundinornatepurplevelvet,andonthebindinggleamed
asmallbronzeplaque,shapedlikeacallingcard,inscribed:To
MyGiftedDaniella,FromYourBrotherHarry.
Shebeganleafingthroughthebook:
Schoolboysandschoolgirls,nowontheirsummervaca
tion,takefrequentwalksinthecitypark.Someleanover
thewoodenbridgeonthelakeandtossbitsofbreadto
thesnowwhiteswanglidingacrossthemirrorofwater
likeasereneprincessensconcedinreverie.Fromtheex
pressiononherfaceyoucantellsheregardsherselfqueen
ofthisrealm:theparkandallofusstandingaroundbe
longtoher.Theskyandsunarehercompanions;thestars,
herplaymates.Shepassesthetimeofdaywiththem,and
hasthemoverforanoccasionalsoiree,whenthemoon
dropsinforadip.Shedoesn'tneedthebenevolenceof
merehumans.Butwhenboysandgirlsthrowcrumbsinto
herlake,shecomesdriftinglackadaisicallyovertothe
bridge,imperiouslyscansthesceneabouther,plungesher
noblebilldeep,deepintothewateranddrawsitupwith
awhitebowlikeflourish.Shedoesn'tchewlestshebe
suspectedofbeggarybutgracefullyswallowsherprey,
andgoessailingmajesticallybackacrosshermirrorlake'
aproudpauper.
17
OpalineveilsofsleepflutteredoverDaniella'slongeye
lashes.outofthedarknessoftheparkthewhiteswanfloats
towardher.Thelongmoonbeamstreamingthroughthewindow
flaresintoalake.Theswantwinsitself.Abraceofswansfloat
nearalongwoodenbridge.Daniellastandsonanunknown
shore.Thelakeisamaelstromofredandblack.Behindherback,
countlesstrainspranceandreel.Thetrainengineshavefaces,
likeleeringdrunkards.Theygrindscreechingslaughterknives
intorails.Daniellawantstoflee.Shewantstosaveherself.But
shecantAsifshewererunningagainstagale.Herfeetlift
heavily,asthoughrunningunderwater.Sheturnsaround:Harry
standsamidhordesofbristlingslaughterknives.Everythingis
red,crimsonred.Aroundhim,athim,myriadheadsofdrunken
trainconductorsguffawthroughgapingmaws.Knotsofsparking
smokebelchandbillowfromthetrainchimneystowardthecrim
sondarkskies.HarrygrowstallertallerHetowersabovethe
smokestacks,hisheadreachingthesky.Awhitecloudenshrouds
him.Pinionshim.Hispetrifiedeyesgapeather.Trolleyswith
tallsmokestacksstartchasingher,breathingtheirterrifying
clangorather.Theclangsburstthroughtheopenwindowinto
thechildren'sroom,reachingouttoseizeheranddragherout
side.Thebraceofswanssuddenlyspreadwhitewings,beckon
hertocometothem:theywillgivehershelter.Daniellaruns.
Thewayislong.Thenearershegets,thefurthertheyrecede.She
stumbles.Sheisabouttofall.Shestrugglesfranticallytoreach
them.Shescreams.Butthescreamsticksinherthroat.Suddenly
shefeelsherselfplungingoffagreatheightintoabottomless
void,falling,..falling
AsDaniellaopenedhereyes,theclangorofthetrolleystill
rangthroughthenightHerheartpoundedviolently,Acoldsweat
coveredherbrow.Herfeetfeltweary,asifshehadreallyjust
beenrunningwiththem.Thefearstillclutchedather,thedream
lingeredbeforehereyesareal,livingthing.Thefear,too,was
real.
Themoonshaftnolongerlayonthetable.Itnowgleamed
sharpandangularthroughacomeroftheopenwindowdirectly
18
atherhead,appearinglikealong,steelsharpjavelinpiercing
hertemples,andpinnedinthewallbesideherbed.
II
TheskywasasheenoazureoverKongressia'shighchimneys.
AlateAugustsunlavisheditsraysonthegrayasphaltstreets
onwhichthefirsttermgirlsoKnowledgeHighSchoolmarched
tothetrain.Asoftbreezespunmerryribbonsofsunthroughthe
bobbingranksofgirlishheads.
Daniellaparadedinthefirstrank,brimmingwithjoy.her
firstexcursion.Whatanadventure,whataculturalexperience
it'sgoingtobe!Withherowneyesshewillseeherbeloved
Mickiewicz,almostallofwhosepoemsshecanrecitebyheart.
ButbestofallwillbehersurprisemeetingwithHarry!
Sheisn'ttoosureyethowshewillcarryoutthisrendezvous.
Originally,shethoughtshe'dwirehimtomeetherattheMetrop
olistation.Butno,ifHarryknowsshe'scomingitwillspoilthe
surprise.BesttoarriveinMetropoliunexpected,waitnearHarry's
home,andwhensheseeshimcomingout,followhimafewsteps,
drawupalongsidehim,andwithfeignedindifferenceletfall,
"Ismlordinclinedtotakeaforlornmaidenforabriefafternoon
promenade?"
Oh,howdeliciousitwillbe!
Shemarchesairilyalong,herfeetliftingeagerlyasifinstep
withaliltingrhythm.Herknapsackisfastenedtoherback;she
doesn'tfeelit.Herraincoatisfoldedovertheknapsack.Mahad
insistedshetakeitalong,andthistimeshedidn'tdaredisobey.
FourteenyearoldDaniellatripsalong.Sportbootslacedhigh
overhershapelylegs,tawnyfaceglowinginthesun,long,dark
lashesshadingherdreamyskyblueeyes.
Headsofrelativesappearatthepassingwindowsandbal
conies.Youngstersshout,"Thefirsttermisgoingonanexcur
sion!"Schoolchildrenlookenviouslyon.Motherswavewhite
kerchiefs.Totsgesturewiththeirlittlehands,callingoutgirls*
names.Themarchingheadssendupblithe,elatedfarewell
19
glances,andfromthewindowsandbalconiescometheparting
replies,"Pleasanttrip!""Haveagoodtime!...**
Preleshnik,thoughhehadpartedwithhisdaughterbefore
leavingforhisofficethatmorning,wasuneasy.Astrangefeeling
proddedhimtoreturnhomeandagainadmonishDaniellanot
toforgettosendhomeapostcardeveryday,lettingthemknow
howandwhereshewas.Backinthehouse,hefoundDaniella
alreadygone.Anuntidyemptinessshowedfromthechildren's
room.Onlyherlocketgleamedontheedgeofthedesk.Inher
hasteshehadapparentlyforgottentoslipitaroundherneck.
Daniellahadreceivedthelocketasathirteenthbirthdaygift
fromherfather.Withinthelocket,intwingoldovalframes,were
settwominiatureportraits:one,ofherparents;theother,of
DaniellawithherlittlebrotherMontDaniellainherschooluni
form,twoblond,whiteribbonedbraidstumblingdowntoher
breast.Besideher,onaroundstrawtable,sitsthreeyearold
Moni,inawhitesailorsuit,hisvelveteyesroundedatthequeer
blackpictureboxinfrontofhim.
PreleshniktookthelocketfromthedesktobringittoDaniella
atthestationand,bytheway,tellheragainwhatwasonhis
mind.Butsuddenly,heheardMoniweepinginthenextroom:
Daniellahadonlyjustleft,andhealreadymissedhissister.
Moniwassevenyearsold,andofjusttheoppositenaturefrom
Daniella.Hedidn'tlikeleavingthehouse;theworldoutside
heldnoattractionforhim.Heevenhadtobebribedintogoing
forawalk.Monihadhismother'ssoft,velvetyeyes.Thesewere
theeyeswithwhichhisfatherhadfalleninloveatfirstsight
Generationsofrabbinicalaristocracyshoneinthem.Often,when
Preleshnikseeshisson'seyespuckeredupathim,hescoopshim
intohisbigarms,hugshimtight,frolicswithhimonthesofa,and
nuzzlesthelittlebody,exclaimingrapturously,"Mylittlemonkey
facelMypurelittlecherubI"
Seeinghisfatherinthedoorway,Moniburstintoafitoftears
andrushedintohisfathersoutstretchedarms.Preleshniklifted
him,snuggledthetearsoakedfacetohischeek,hislips,hiseyes,
andmurmuredsoothingly,"Whatisit,mylittlecherub?What's
thiscryingabout?"
20
"...wantDani/'thechildsobbed.
SoPreleshnikdecidedtotakeMoidalongtothestationtosay
goodbytohissisteragain.
Onthemainplatform,theyfoundthegirlsraringtogo,tibeir
knapsacksattheirfeetThetrainhasbeendelayed:therailswere
commandeeredbytrooptransports.WhenDaniellasawher
fatherandlittlebrotherinthedistance,sherantowardthem,
huggedMoniandkissedhim.
TDani,whyareyougoingaway?"Moniaskedsadly.
"Tobringyouanicepresent,mypet/7
Ontherailsbeforethem,longtrainsreachedoffintothehori
zon:countlesscars,someopenonallsides,othersclosed.Onone
oftheopencars,soldiersinwhiteundershirtsputteredabout
largesteamingcaldrons,preparinglunch.Nearthesoupcaldrons,
anaccordionwheezedinthehandsofasoldiersittingpropped
againstaqueermachinegunwhoselongbarrelaimedskyward.
Preleshnikdidn'tlikethisnewsofthetrain'sdelayatall.But
hetriedtokeepanimpassiveface,soasnottodampenhis
daughter'sspirits.Hemerelyremindedhersinceshehasa
tendencytoforget,when,ashermotherputsit,the"confusing
Muse"possesseshertosendhomeapostcardeveryday;andnot
toforgetthatasshehadforgottenherlocketonthedesk.
Whenthetrainfinallypulledin,agustofexhilarationswept
throughthegirls.Theyclatteredintothecars.Darnella'shead
immediatelyappearedinoneoftheopencarwindows.Thesky
dancedinthebluenessofhereyes,andasunnycombolbreeze
sweptgailythroughhergoldentresses.
Thetrainstarted.PreleshnikandMoni,withthemthestation
andallwithinit,slowlyreceded.Daniella'seyeswererivetedon
herfather:onehandwavedawhitekerchiefhighabovehishead,
theotherheldontoMoni.
Thetrainmovedgraduallyoff,Agrayemptinessunfurled
rapidlybetweentheendlessribsofrailroadtrack
Daniellastoodwatchingalongwhile,andhereyescachedthe
sceneawayforever.
21
Chapter3
ThefirsttogoontheGermanpyreweretheJewishtownlets
inPoland.
TheDistrictofMetropoliwassubdividedbytheGermansinto
severalisolated"Jew"Quarters^?eachwithitsownGerman
appointedJudenrat.Movementfromonequartertotheother
wasprohibited.IfafugitiveJewfromoneofthenearbyempty,
ravagedghettoswascaughtinMetropoli,theGestapoimmedi
atelydeportedhimtoAuschwitz.ButiftheJudenrafsJew
MilitiacaughtsuchaJew,theyeitherturnedhimdirectlyover
totheGestapo,orforaransomallowedhimtostayatoneof
thespeciallysetupAssemblyCenters,wheretheyconcentrated
thosewhoseidentitycardslackedtheGestapo'sredswastika
stampauthorizingthemtostayintheDistrictofMetropoli.
Themilitiaconcentratedtheillegalsinthismannersothat
iftheGermanscaughtanillegalanddemandedanexplanation,
theJudenratcouldexcuseitself:"Weknowallaboutthesescum.
WeVeonlyroundingthemupsoastoturnthemoverinbatches
totheGestapo/'
Theseillegals,therefore,wereforbiddentosleep,letalone
live,withtheirrelativesorinanyotherprivatehome.Anyone
caughtinsuchacrimewasimmediatelyshipped,togetherwith
hishosts,toAuschwitz.
FROMDANIEIXA'SDIARY
Metropoli,21642
Mydreamsandmyplans.Myhearthadspunthemwith
thefirstgossamerthreadsoffantasy.Plansaboutmytrip
22
toPalestine...plansaboutthemomentmyfeet"would
touchMetropoliforthefirsttime.Simplytowalkit*to
Harry'shousethis,Ithought,wasnotenough.Betterto
waitforhimoutsideandsurprisehim.Ialreadyknewthe
thrillofsuchahappymoment;Iexperienceditmyself
whenHarryusedtowaitformenearschool.He'stheone
whotaughtittome.
**...Ardentwishesteeminginthehumanheartarelike
seedsejectedintotheinvisiblewombofthecosmos.
Theyflowerforthemostpart,butusuallyinsuchaform
thattheconceivingheartnolongerrecognizesthem...**
ThesewordscomebacktomymindeverytimeIrecall
myfirstnightinMetropoli,afterZalkethesmugglerleft
mestandingamongthedarkghettoalleys.Heagreedto
takemeoutofCracowghettoononecondition:sincehe
hastosmuggletwoloavesofbreadtoapoorrelativein
Metropoli,Iwouldhavetohelphimbycarryingaloaf.
Itseemedsuchasmallthing*Whatisaloafofbread,or
athousandloavesforthatmatter,againsttheprospectof
finallybeingtogetherwithHarry!
"Mr.Zalke!"Isaid.<tfltwon'tbeanytroubleformeto
takeevenbothloaves,Iassureyou."
"No!"hesnapped."TwoloavestheGermanswillnab
attheborder!"Themainthingis,hekeptdrummingatme,
ifI'mcaught,Imusn'tforgetI'manAryanheadingfor
Metropolitolookforajob.Thebread?Ifoundit.Didn't
buyit;didn'tgetit.Foundit.Founditneartherailroad
tracks;that'swhyit'ssogrimy.Also:neverinmylifesaw
Zalke;neverevenheardofhim.
LateritturnedoutthatthebreadIwastakingtoZalke*s
poorrelativewasfullofdiamondsandAmericandollar
bills.
**...Ardentwishesteeminginthehumanheartflower,
forthemostpart..~ButwhenIfirststeppedinto
Metropoli,Icompletelyforgotthegoldenfantasiesmy
heartoncespunaboutthemomentofmyarrivalhere.
JustasitneverdawnedonmeinCracowthatitwasthe
23
siteoftheVaveLYes,myardentwishcametrueonlyin
steadofcomingtopoetMicMewicz'sVaveL,Icametothe
VavelofGauleiterFrank.Thesamehappenedthenight
IarrivedinMetropoli.Itcompletelyslippedmymind
thatthiswasHarry'shome,andIrememberedonlythat
Imustkeepclosetothedarkwallsoftheghettoshacks
soaGermanpatrolshouldn'tspotme.
Willthisbetheculminationofallmydreams?
Thatnight,MonyekMatroz,headoftheJudenrat,orderedthe
JewMilitiatotakeVevkethecobblerfromhisbedandbring
himtomilitiaheadquarters:theGestapobigshotsdemandflashy,
new,corksoledshoesasgiftsfortheirladies."Corkshoeslike
thehighfalutin*kikebitchesusedtowear!"Andwhobutthe
mastercobblerVevkewillbeabletofilltheordertothesatisfac
tionoftheGestapornesdames?
InthemilitiaorderlyroomofJewQuarter3,theorderlyofthe
daysprawleddeepinanornateleatherarmchair,onefootdan
glingovertheupholsteredarmofthechair.Hisbluewhitecap
cockedtoonesideandhiseyeshalfasleep,hecontinueddrawling
indifferentlytowardVevke,TPeople'dgiveaminttobeableto
crosssuchaborder.Godprotectsfools?Sowhaddyaknow!This
foolkidheadsstraightformilitiaheadquarters.Beatsmehow
suchagoslingevergotoutofCracowghetto,gotinhere,and
theyneverspottedher."
"Whatwillyoudowithher?"Vevkeasked.
Themilitiamandidn'tbudgefromhissnugberth.Hedidn't
evenlookatDaniella,asthoughitwerenotshetheyweredis
cussing.
"Whaddyamean*whaVhegruntedthroughhisheavyeye
lids.Tomorrowsheshovesoffwiththetransport."
Inthesplitsecondthataghettodwellerforfeitshislife,inthat
splitseconddoeshesometimesretrieveitAndbotharechance
occurrences.Bypromisingtosewnewleathersolesonthemilitia
man'sboots,VevkesavedDaxriella'slife.Heimmediatelytook
hertotheCenteratHeller'shouse,whereheandhisfamilylived
inahovelinthethirdcourt
24
II
Daniellawentdowntothegateofthehouse.
Sundaymornings,rightafterthemilitiahascheckedtosee
thatnoneofthe"illegals"aremissing,Daniellacan'tstayputin
herbed.Thoughthenightcurfewisstilltautovertheghetto
streets,anditisprohibitedtostepout,Daniellacan'tresistgoing
tothegate.ForSundays,HarrycomestoherfromJewQuarter1.
Sundaystheydon'tworkinthefactories.SundaystheGermans
carouseinthetavernsanditiseasierforHarrytoslinkthrough
thefieldsandcometoherinJewQuarter3.It'slessdangerous,
Sundays.
Thecorridorleavingthehousewasalreadyfilledwithhuman
shadows.Adankairchilledthebones.Daniellaturnedupthe
collarofherraincoatShethoughtshewouldsurelybethefirst
togethere.ShethinkssoeverySundaydawn.Butassoonasshe
entersthedarkcorridor,shesensesthatitswallsarealready
drapedwithhumanshadows,mutelywaitingtodashoutunder
theliftingcurfew.Someoneapproachesthegate,opensit,and
immediatelyrustlesbackintoplace.Youdon'tseehimanymore,
justasyoudon'tseeashadowmeltingintoadarkcorner.
Thedead,darkstreetpeeredthroughtheopengate.Thecur
fewstretchedacrosstheghettolikeablackblanket.Afoulend
lessmizzleofsnowclottedrainsmudgedthedarkness,what
washerrushtogethere?Ifnotforthesnow,shecouldhurryto
theJudenratsoupkitchenassoonasthecurfewlifts,andinthe
compoundthere,nearthefields,watchforHarry'sarrival.
Thoughit'ssenseless:Harryishardlyeverherebeforenoon.She
herselfconstantlyurgesandcautionshimnottodareleavehis
JewQuarterearlier.Bynoon,theGermansarealreadyplastered
andthetripisnotsodangerous.Strange:thoughsheconstantly
begsHarrynottocometoosoon,shealwaysrushesofftothe
compoundassoonasthecurfewliftsandstandstherewaiting,
looking,hereyesstrainingtomakeoutthelittledotmovingto
wardherfromthefootofthelowmountain,movingcloser,larger,
dearer.Strange;evenfromafarshealwaysknowswhenit'sHarry
coming;hisdotisdifferentfromtheothers.Ionlyhewon'tcome
25
toosoon.IfshecouldseeSanya,shewouldtellhernottolet
himleavebeforenoon.Herhearttellsheritwillallwindupin
disaster.IfshecouldonlymakeHarrystopcomingaltogether!
Oh,God
Thegatestoodopen.Thenightcurfewlayoverthestooped
ghettoshackslikealidoveragloomypot.Amoistsnowhovered
inmidairasifithaddrowsedofftosleeponthewaydown.
Daniellasnuggledclosertothecorridorwall,outofthewayof
thedraft
...assoonassheearnsafewmarks,she'llgorighttoa
cobblerandgetherselfsomenewhalfsoles.Ohno,nottoVevke!
Evenifsheknowsherfeetwillrotshewon'tgotoVevke!Vevke
won'tletherpay.SeemsHayimIdlbroughtinsomemerchan
diseyesterday,abundleoffelts.Maybeshe'llbeabletomake
somemoneythere.Nochanceofmakinganymoneyafterwork
attheshop.Beforeyouturnaroundit'scurfewtime.Ifshedoesn't
fixhershoesintime,she'llbeleftbarefooted.Sundayistheonly
dayyoucanearnanythingfromHayimIdl.Butbythetimeshe
getsbackfromthesoupkitchen,thedaywillbeover.Maybeshe
shouldgobacktotheCenternowandaskHayimIdlifhehas
anythingforher.Shecouldstillpickupafewmarksbeforenoon,
beforesherunsofftomeetHarry.HayimIdlisprobablystill
asleep.Whatabunglersheis!Suchaslob!Othersmanageto
geteverythingdone,whilesheallthetimeintheworlddoesn't
seemtobeenoughforher.Ifsheweremorealert,shecouldstill
makesomemoneybeforenoon.ButwhatifHarryshowsupear
lier?Oh,HayimIdlwouldsurelyhavetoldherlastnightifhehad
anythingforher.She'snotsorrysherefusedtotakeSanya'sshoes.
They'resellingeverythingtheyhaveforbread.AllHarryhasleft
isthesuithewears.They'llbeabletofeedthemselvesforaweek
withSanya'sshoes.Brandnewshoes.Mommytoldhertowearthe
highsportbootsontheexcursion.Goodthingsheobeyed.She
obeyedeverything,then,onlytheyshouldlethergo.Now,she's
atleastabletokeepherfeetwarminsidethehightops.Shemust
remembertoputnewlacesonhershoestoday.Theyalwaysman
agetogetknottedupinthemorning,whenshe'sinahurrytoget
totheshop.Whataslobsheis!
26
Alittlebeadofflameglowssomewhereinacorner.Someone
drawslonganddeeponacigarette.Theemberflaresandimme
diatelywanes.Thecigaretteinthedarkisstillandsoistheman
behindit.
Thecorridorislikeashadowfilledsubterraneantunnel.The
shadowsaremute.Eachwasstartledfromhisbedbyhisown
calamity.Allwaitforthecurfewtoliftsotheywillbeabletorush
out:onetotheJudenrat,anothertoa"fixer"whoarrangesthings
foraprice.Eachwantstofindoutifthehusband,thewife,the
sontakenfromthemjustyesterdayisstillintheghetto;if,so
longastheyhaven'tbeendeportedasyetfromtheghetto,they'll
stillbeabletocatchaglimpseofthem.
Acrossthestreet,muteheadspokeoutofthehousegates,watch
apprehensivelyforthesightofsomeoneonthestreet,forasign
thatitispermissibleforthemtoleave.Nowthereisnotasignof
Meanywhere,asiftheghettohadbreatheditslast.Silence.But
withthefirstglimmerofdawn,theshadowswillspringtolifeand
tearoutofallthegates.Onewillstartrunningandalltheothers
willtearoutafterhim.Grief,butamomentagopentwithinthe
houses,willstampedeoutofthegatesandfillthestreetsofthe
JewQuarterwithitsdread.
Now,theshadowswaitfordaytobreak.Butdayisinnohurry
toshineontheghetto.Asifitweren'tworthitswhile.
Intheevening,atfiveo'clock,thegatesareshutagain.Ascur
fewtimeapproaches,runningfeetagainstampedethroughthe
streets.TheGermansstalktheirpreyfromeverynookandcranny.
Anyoneasmuchasasplitsecondlatenevergetshomeagain.
Greenbergthewatchmakerfromacrossthestreetwascaughtby
aGermanjustafewstepsfromhishome.Thenextmorninghis
wifeprobablystoodthere,feverishlywaitingtorunout:perhaps
shellbeabletogetalastlookathim.
Latheevening,atfiveo'clock,griefisagainlockedupinthe
houses.Glumandmorbid,itcrawlsdownthecrampedwalls,
bendsoverthepersonandreachesthecupofsorrowtohislips.
Thecorridorfillswithmoreandmoreshadows,shemightas
wellgouptotheCenter.Whentheyallrushoff,shellbeleftbe
hind,alone,anyway.Whereandhowwillshego?Afewstepsand
27
hershoeswillbesoakedwithslush.Andwhat'11shedoatthesoup
kitchencompoundnow?InJewQuarter1Harryisn'tevenal
lowedtostepoutofhishousegateyet.Sowhatwasthehurryto
getdownhere?UpintheCenterthey'reallprobablystillasleep.
Ifonlyshecouldsleep.Ifshecouldatleastturnonthelightup
stairs.It'sthedarknessthatdrivesheroutofthere.Here,inthe
corridor,thedarknessisdifferent.Herethedarknessbreathes.
Silentshadowsfolloweachotheroutofthecourtsandassilent
lyvanishintothedarknessofthecorridor,threecourts.Amaz
inghowmanypeoplehavebeenfittedintoHeller'shouse.Each
ofthethreecourtsmustholdasmanyJewsaslivedonherstreet
inKongressia.AndtheremustbeasmanyJewslivinginthethree
courtsasinawholeJewishtownletbeforethewar.Why,shesaw
alltheYablovaJewsherdedintothemarketplace."AllJewsout!
Everyonetothemarketplace!"Theclassmistresswasallready
totakethegirlsoutwiththemtotheGermans:"Wehaven'tdone
dieGermansanywrong!Afterall,they'rehumanbeings!Surely
they'llunderstand!"ButtheyoungJewwhohadcomerunningin
fromtheroadsthatmorningbeggedher,"ForGod'ssake,don't
openthatgate!"TheGermanssoonbattereddownthegateany
way.Intheteachers'roominKongressia,Viernikhadfulminated,
"It'sallabunchofstockexchangehorrorpropaganda!Therewill
benowar!"Asifitwerealluptohim.Asifthewholeworldwere
nomorethanaclassroom,allthepeopleschoolgirls,andhetheir
schoolmaster."Atthelastteachers*meetingwedecidedonanex
cursion,andanexcursiontherewillbe!"hewoundupprimly.
Germans.
ItwasthefirsttimeshehadeverseenGermans.Noneofthe
girlshadeverinherlifeseenaGerman,"WhyshouldtheGer
manswanttoharmthem?"theclassmistresscouldn'tunderstand.
Viernik'sheadthuddedtothefloorofthestairvestibule.Asecond
agohewasstandingwithalltheothers.HowdidtheGermans
everspyhimfromoutside?Hehadbarelypeepedthroughacor
nerofthestairwindow.Thepanewasn'tevenshattered;onlya
tinyroundpuncturebyitsedge,andonthewalloppositecrum
pledplastersplashedwithbrain.
28
Asmallmancomesoutofthecourtyard,alargeemptysack
slungoverhisshoulder.Hislegsaxesunk,kneesandall,inapair
ofcrude,oversizeboots.Hesloshesthebootsnoisilyalongthewet
cobblestones,approachesthecorridorandhaltsbrieflybythe
entrance.OnlynowdidDaniellarecognizehim:Shlamek!Theson
ofthemanonwhosebrowtheGermanshadbrandedtheword
JUDE.Hecametothiscourtseveralmonthsago,taggingafterhis
motherasshesupportedhismangledfather.Helookedtobe
aboutsixorseven,then.NowhelookslikeastuntedGhettoJew.
Sometimesshethinksshe'salsogrownoldandgray.Butwhen
shelooksinthemirror,sheseessheisprettierthaneverandher
blondhairricherandcurlier.
Theboywiththesackonhisshouldergoesintothedarkcorri
dor,parkshimselfsomewhere,andisnolongervisible.Thedark
nessofthespotwherehevanishedspreadsbeforeDaniella'seyes,
andlikewhitecontoursofdenseblacknesstheloosetopsof
Shlamek'sbootsareoutlinedabovehisknees,hisfather'sex
posedfacewhenthetowelslippedoffhisbleedinghead.That
day,Shlamek'sfatherhadreturnedhometoasktheGermansfor
permissiontotakeoutabedandblanketforhisboy.TheGermans
setuponhimwithwhitehotironsandbrandedJUDEacrosshis
browandHEILHITLER!acrosshischest.Onlythendidtheylet
himoutofhisapartment.WhentheJudenratwasroundingup
alltheghettosickforatransport,ShlameFsfather,beforemount
ingthevan,whippedoffhisbootsandthrustthemintotheboy's
hands:"Shlamek,takecareofMama.Don't..."
Nearby,someonemovesoutofthedarkness,walksovertothe
gate,craneshisheadintothestreet,comesbacktohisformer
place,asthoughrecognizingitinthedark.Adampdraftcomes
sweepingfromthecourtintothedarkcorridor,runsicyfingers
overthebodiesofthestandingshadows.Theskinshiversatthe
touch.Thewindletsgoarakishwhistleandbreezesoutthegate
intotheemptystreet,asiftoflauntitsfreedomfromcurfewreg
ulations.
Outside,themoistsnowhoveredinmidairasthoughithad
drowsedofftosleeponthewaydown.Daniellawonderedwhy
29
shewasstandingthere;inanycaseshewon'tberunningoutwith
alltheothers.
ShedrewuphercoatcollarandwentbackuptotheCenter.
Ill
Thecandlewasflickeringunderthetincup.Dvortchestoodin
thecorner,herbacktotheroom,warmingsomebreakfastinthe
cupforthebaby.Hershadowwagglingonthenearbywalllooked
likeLindne^thegiantblackuniformedGestapoman,storming
inthroughtheCenterwall,reachinglongarmsatherthroat.
HayimIdlinhiswhiteunderwearwasbentovertheopen
chestThecurtainofhis"villa"wasdrawntotheside.Hewas
putteringinhis"store,"layingthefeltsoutonthefloor,studying
theircolorsbytheflutteringcandlelight,andlayingthemneatly
uponeachother.Heunwoundthehatbandsfromtheirwooden
spools,noteddowntheirlengths,putthembackinthechestand
outagainonthefloor,asifhereveledinthemeresortingofthe
merchandise.Daniellasatontheedgeofherbed,wearingher
raincoatcollarupturned.Shecouldn'tdecidewhetherHayimIdl
wouldhaveanyworkforhertoday.
HayimIdlisapiousyoungman,agogetter.Hemanagedto
escapefromhistownwithhiswifeandbabyattheheightofan
Aktion.It'sinconceivablehowhemanagedtoslipoutatthelast
minute,carryingtheelevenmontholdinfantonhisarm.Itwas
duringthisflightthatDvortche,hiswife,wassuddenlystruck
deaf.
HayimIdldealsinwhatevercomeshiswayjustsothereis
alwaysapieceofbreadinhis"villa/*Todayhehappenstobea
feltdealer:unfinishedmen'sandwomen'shats,leatherandsatin
hatbands.AssoonasHayimIdlcametoliveattheCenterheset
upaSpanishwallinacorneroftheroom,andhelivestherewith
hisfamily,hesays,asinaprivatevillaoftheirown.Hehasa
kitchenthere,hesays,adiningroom,abedroom,achildren's
roomforlittleBella,and,aboveall,thestore.Thechestservesat
oneandthesametimeastable,diningroom,andstore.
WhenHayimIdlhastopickupmerchandisefromadealeror
SO
delivertocustomers,Daniellawrapsthesheetsoffeltaroundher
midriff,girdsthemwithseveralrowsofhatbands,andcarriesthe
hotgoodsundercoverofherwideraincoatthroughtheghetto
streets.ForthisHayimIdlpaysherhandsomely.Bothknowwell
whatisinvolvedifsheiscaughtnotmerelylossofmoney,but
lossoflife.
OnthebedoppositeDaniellasitsHannaofChebin,herclosed
prayerbookinherlap.Shelookstothedarkwindowpanesfor
dawntobreak,whenshewillbeallowedtostarthermorning
prayers.Herdelicatefaceisclosedandthereisawistfulsadness
inhereyes.Tzivia,Hanna'syoungersister,sitsattheotherend
ofthebed,oneelbowproppedonthebedboard,herchincupped
inthepalmoftheotherhand,musingatlittleBellaplayingonthe
floorwiththedilapidatedman'sshoetheOswiencimgirlhad
broughtalongwhenshecamehere.
ThetwosistershadfledhereonemidnightfromanAktionin
Chebin.Bothgirlsaredevoutformermembersof"Daughtersof
Jacob"whounfailinglysaytheirprayersthreetimesaday.Gene,
undefiledsouls.ThetwosistershaveabrotherinJewQuarter1,
Abramthetrader;alsoaGodfeareronthefaceofit.Butwerea
customertoturnupforGod'sownThroneofGlory,Abramwould
immediatelysellhimtheThronetogetherwithitsOccupant.Ac
tually,thegirlshadfledtoMetropolionlybecausetheirbrothei
liveshere.ButnotonlydoesAbramnothelpthem,heexploits
them.Insteadofamattress,theysleeponsheetsofAbram'spre
warqualitygoods;andinsteadofaquilt,theycoverthemselves
withtwelveyardsofdoubledovermaterial,sewntogetheratthe
edgesandsheathedinacoloredblanketcover.Abramfeelssecure
abouthismerchandisehereattheCenter;theGermanswould
neverdreamofsearchinghere.Morethanoncehavetheyran
sackedhishome,sinceitwasrumoredatthestockexchangethat
highqualityprewarstuffwasavailableatAbram's.ButGodin
HismercysentAbram'ssisterstopullhimoutofatightspot.
WhatwouldhehavedoneifnotforHannaandTziviaattheCen
ter?Withmoneyandpull,Abramfixedhimselfatransitpass,
andhenowtravelsfromoneJewQuartertothenextpeddling
hisgoods.SometimesherememberstodoleMssilentsistersafew
SI
marks.Heisalwaysinahurry,intentionallyorunintentionally.
HewheezesintotheCenterandsnatchesapieceofgoodsfrom
thegirls'bedorthrowsoneintoit.Alwaysthesamerefrain:
"Customer'swaiting""Dealer'swaiting"Heneverhasamo
mentforanextrawordwithhissisters.Itmightrunintomoney.
Abramhasason,eightyearoldBenyek.Thelittleoneisal
readyafullfledgedassistantinhisfather'sbusiness.Benyekisa
handsomeboy,alertandsharp.Hecangetsixyardsofcloth
aroundhisbelly,anddamnedifaGermaneyewillnoticeit.
WhenBenyeksometimescomeswithhisfathertotheCenter,he
remarks,"Pop,AuntHannahasn'thadabitetoday."
"Sowhydon'ttheninniesspeakup?"Abramgrowlsashis
nervoushandswrapasheetofclotharoundhismidriffintolow
eredtrousers.Butatthesametimeheconsiders:afterall,the
"ninnies"dotakecareofhismerchandise.Costanarmandaleg
togetastrangertodoit.Stranger'dstealthestuffaltogether.
Anyonewhostillhasapieceofbreadtokeephimgoingwouldn't
takeachanceonhavinganyhotgoodsaround.Andanyonewho
isthathungry,nomatterhowlilywhite,can'tbetrustedwith
thestuff.Becausewhocouldpassupthetemptationofsuchtop
qualitygoodsandlethimselfstarvetodeath?Wouldhebeany
better?Atwhichcourtcouldtheysuehim?He'dbecrazynotto
doit.SoAbramhastilypullsafewmarksfromhispocket,thrusts
themintoHanna*shand,grabsBenyekbythesleeveandmakes
forthedoor:"Customer'swaiting../'
Inthewindow,thepanesweresuddenlyblue,howcome
shedidn'tnoticethechange?Shehadn'ttakenhereyesoffthe
window.Anyotherdaybythistime,she'dlongsincebesittingin
theragroom.Thereyouhavenotimetolookatthewindow.Sun
risedoesn'tinterestyou.Daylightdoesn'tdrivethegloomoutof
yourheart.
Thesnownowfallswhiteranddenser.Asolitarysnowflake
fluttersfuriouslyJustoutsidethewindowpane,asthoughwanting
totearawayfromthesnowmultitudefallingwithoutendtothe
ground.Allatonce,thesnowfalllookslikeamultitudebeing
herdedtothetrainsduringanAlction,andthesnowflakeas
thoughitwerepleadingforthewindowtobeopened,tobelet
S2
intohide.Finally,Itfallsprostrateagainsttittepane,meltsintoa
waterdropandtricklesdownlikeatearoutofanopenblueeye.
Fromthenearbycorner,theporcelaintilesofthehighstove
stareatthewindowwithwhite,frigideyes,shedoesn'trecall
thestoveeverhavingbeenlit.Inside,thestoveisprobablyhol
low.ItwouldmakeawonderfulhideawayduringanAktionif
youcouldcrawlintoitItwouldneveroccurtotheGermansto
lookthere.PityHellerdidn'tthinkofmakingasecretdoorbe
hindthestovewhenhebuiltthehouse.Ifhehad,he'dstill
ownatleastonethingagoodbunker.*Mrs.Hellerneverstops
harpingabouthertenants,who,shegrumbles,arealldoinga
flourishingwarbusiness,butneverremembertopayafewmarks*
rentAprettypasslAnythinggoes!Butjustwhoitisthat*sdoing
allthis"warprofiteering,"nooneknows.Outofherlovelysix
roomapartmentanditselaboratefurnishing,Mrs.Hellerwanted
tosaveatleastthebookcase,theonlymementoofhertwosons.
Themilitiamenhurledthecasefullofbooksoutthewindow.You
canputupawholefamilywherethebookcaseisstanding,they
said.Thebooksflutteredopeninthewindandplummetedlike
shotbirdsdowntothemud.Later,Shlamekgatheredthebooks
andlaidthemoutonthegroundsothathisfathershouldn'tliein
themud.Noonewouldcomeouttothecourttohelpcarryinthe
JewwithJUDEsearedonhisbrow.Everyonewasafraid:theman
isverysickneedsabedWhowantstogivehisbedawayinthe
winterandsleeponthecoldfloor?Afterall,whatdoesaman
havehecancallhisownthesedaysbesidesthebedthey'reletting
himsleepinforawhile...Meanwhile,thebloodranfromthe
lettersJUDE,andnoonewouldhelp."Shlamek,takecareofMama
..rShlamekmustbetrekkingabouttheghettobackyardsby
nowscavengingforpiecesoflumber,stealingchunksfrom
thrownoutfurniture,totingtheloadedsackonhisfrail,childish
shoulders,andsellingthewoodforkindlingtotheghettorich.His
motherliessickinbed.Oughttovisither.Perhapsbringher
somethingsheneeds.Themomentcurfewisoff,Shlamektearsout
throughthegatetogettothecourtsaheadofhiscompetitors.
Whydoesn'thechopuptherestofMrs.Heller'sbookcase?Prob
*Bunker:hideaway,
33
ablyhasn'tthegalltodoitrightunderhereyes.AlldaylongMrs.
Hellersitsatherwindowwatchingthislastrelicofhertwosons.
Everyonehadgrabbedforthecastoffbooks.Everyonehadbooks
forkindlingthatday:thicknovels;goldbackedscientificand
scholarlyworks.Somewhereintheworldrightnow,authorsare
probablystillwritingbooks.Thenthebookswillbethrownout
thewindowandayoungsterwilllaythemoutinthemudunder
hisfather'sback.
TheOswiencimgirlcrawlsoutofherbed,remainsstanding
inhernightgown,staresatthetilestoveasifitwerethefirst
timeshewereliftingherheadthathigh.Suddenly,shejerks
around,bendsswiftlydown,snatchesthedilapidatedman'sshoe
littleBellaisplayingwithonthefloor,dashestothecornerby
thedoor,slidesdowntothefloorandhidestheshoebehindher
backlikeavaluabletreasure.
Theinfantletsoutawail.HayimIdljumpsupfromthechest
andscoopsthetotintohisarms.Bellaisinaparoxysmoftears
andHayimIdldoesn'tknowwhathassuddenlygonewrong.No
onespeaks.Tziviadoesn'tsayaword.HayimIdlrockstheinfant
inhisarms.Thebabyishiswholelife.Severaldaysagohewent
tearingamongthebedslikeamaniac,huggingBellainhisarms.
DanieUacouldneverimagineHayimIdllookinglikeawildani
mal."Pissonthefreeworld!PissonitIsay!"herantedoverand
over.Hellerthelandlord,wholikestodropinduringcurfewto
chatpoliticswithHayimIdl,hadhappenedtoremark,"Afterthe
wartherewillbeafreeworld..""What'sthegoodofafree
world,"HayimIdlrailed,"ifIwon'tbearoundandmybaby
won'tbearound?Pissonthefreeworld!Thedeviltakeafree
worldthatasksforthebloodofmyBella!"
Belladoesn'tstopholleringinherfather'sarmsandHayimIdl
doesn'tknowhowtopacifyher.Inthecornerbythedoor,the
Oswiencimgirldrawstheshoefrombehindherback,hugsitto
herheartand,sittingonthefloor,offersittoHayimIdlwitha
tremblinghand,asiflettinggoadearestpossession.Theinfant
looksattheshoelikeatafascinatingdoll,andimmediatelystops
crying.
"You'reallright,"HayimIdlsaystotheOswiencimgirl.The
34
girllowersherheadandmurmursintoherupraisedknees,TDoift
want..."
Thegirlbroughtthisshoealongwhenshefledhere,afterthe
GermanshadcleanedalltheJewsoutofOswiencimtomakeway
fortheirconcentrationcamp"Auschwitz."She'saboutfourteen
orfifteenyearsold.Maybemucholder,ormaybemuchyounger.
It'shardtosay.Sometimesshelookslikeachild,sometimeslike
anoldwoman.Notellingwhenandhowherfacewillnexttrans
muterightbeforeyoureyes.Somekindofquirk.Whenshefirst
gothere,theneighborssometimeswouldgiveherapieceof
bread,apotato.Allbecauseofhercapriciousface.Eventhemili
tiamenweremovedwhentheysawthecomirepugnantfickle
nessofherface,andquarteredherintheCenterandnoransom
asked.Sheneversaysaword,andhereyesarealwaysdowncast
Whenaskedanything,sheraiseshereyesnohigherthanthe
questioner'sfeet,andsimpers,"Don'twant.,."Therehasn't
beenanAktionintheghettothatshehasn'tforesensed.Asifshe
hadhadadvancenoticefromtheGestapoHighCommand.She
alwaysvanishesbeforeanAktiorândmanagestofindherself
hideoutsnooneelsewouldeverdreamof.Shefurtivelystealsout
oftheCenterandasfurtivelystealsbackinwhenthetroubleis
over.Withthesameinstinctbywhichajunglebeastsensesthe
enemy'sapproachfrommilesaway,shealwaysseemstoscent
theGermansinadvance.NotasingleJewinOswiencimwas
saved.Notoneofherfamilysurvived.Nooneknowswhather
eyesbeheldthere.Shesimplyslippedinhereonemidnightwith
thedilapidatedman'sshoeinherhand.
Whatsecretdoesthisman'sshoecontainthatthegirlhugsit
sotoherheart?
Outside,thesnowfallswhiteanddense.Hannastandsfacing
thewindow,prayingoutoftheprayerbookinherhands.Tzivia
continuestositonthebed,herheadcuppedinonehand,the
otherproppedonthebedpost.Hereyesarefixedpensivelyonher
sister'sback.HayimIdlisbackathisgoods,puttingthemfrom
thechestonthefloor,andfromtheflooragainintothechest.
...whynotjustgouptoHayimIdlandaskhimifhehasany
workforher?What'sallthisbashfulness?Noquestion,ifhehad
35
anything,he'dhavetoldher.Maybesheshouldbeghimforit
Butwhatgoodwillherbeggingdoifhehasn'tanything.He11just
havetoturnherdown.Allitwilldoismakehimfeelsorryforher.
"Feelsorry."Whycallit"feelsorry"?Theairsofaproudpauper!
"Proudpauper../*Suchfamiliarwords!Wherehassheseenor
hearddiembefore?theswan!Sheherselfusedthesewords
indescribingtheswan:"...sheplungeshernoblebilldeep,
deepintothewaterydoesntchewlestshebesuspectedofbeg
garybutgracefullyswallowsherprey,andgoessailingma
jesticallybackacrosshermirrorlakeaproudpauper..."
Daniellasitsonherbed,handsrammeddeepinhercoatpock
ets.Theroomandeverythinginitwascrammedinhereyes.Sud
denlyshefeltshewasseeingitallforthefirsttime;asifamoment
agoshehadn'tbeenhere.Everytibdngseemedsoglaringlystrange
andnew:thewalls,thesnowfallingoutside,theopenchestin
HayimIdl's'Villa/*thegirlinthelongnightgownsittingonthe
floorbythedoorwhatdoesitallmean?Itmustbeadream.
Anymomentnowandshe'llhearpa'sgaywhistlewakingherto
gotoschool.She'llopenhereyesandtherehe'llbe,likeevery
morning,inthedoorwayofherroom,hisblueeyessmilingather,
thespotlesstowelslungaroundhisneck,readytotakeoverthe
bathroom.Ofcourseit'sadream...Everythingaroundher
nowcan'tbemorethanabaddream.Justlikethenightmare
whereshesawherselfrunningtowardtheswans,Thefrightof
thatnightmareisstillthereasrealasever.Thattimeshewasalso
positiveshewasreallyseeingitallhappen.Shecanstillseethe
facesofthosetrainconductors.Sheseesthemasclearlyasshe
seesHarmatherenearthewindow,holdingtheprayerbookin
herhands...Harryboundwithinthecloud...Awhitecloud
likethewhitesnowfallingoutside.Harrygapesatherwithpetri
fiedeyes.Shestillfeelsthehorrorthathadrackedherduringthat
dream:they'reafterher!Bellsclangandthey'rechasingher!Now
sheknowsitwasonlythenighttrolleyclangingthroughthe
streetAndwhenshecomesoutofthisdream,maybethenshell
understandwhyshe
Hiedoorflewopen.Fellabreezedintotheroom.Aroundloaf
56
ofbreadwastuckedunderherarm.Hercoatwassnowspecked.
Shechuckedthebreadontoherbedandstartedshakingherflossy
blackcurlslikeahandsomefillytossingitsmane.Themelted
snowdropsspatteredinalldirections."Wow!Iwouldn'tsenda
dogofaJudenratmanoutinthisweather/'Fellasallies,takingoff
herflashycoatandspreadingitoverherbedposttodry.Theroom,
untilamomentagostaleanddreary,,nowperkedupatthebreath
oflifethatcameinwithFella."Heyfolks!"shebanters,"the
breadisn'twalkingintoyourprettymouths.Whatyouwaiting
for?WantmetospoonfeedyoulikeDvortchespoonfeedsher
Bella?"
HayimIdlgetsupfromthechest,reachesintohis"kitchen"for
aknife,andgoesovertoFella."Youknow,Fella,ifyoudon'tcut
upthebreadandhandittothem,they'lljustsittherelikewall
flowerswaitingtobeasked.Lookslikethey'reusedtohaving
theirmamasspoonfeedthem."
Fellarollsherwetsilkstockingsoffhershapelylegs,hurlsthem
underthebedlikesomuchrubbish,andturnsherheadtothe
window.
"Hanna!God'sinthemiddleofanawfulspatwithhiswife*
He'ssomad,Herippedhisquilttopieces.Can'tyouseethefeath
ersflyingallovertheplace?Whydon'tyouleavehimbe?He
doesn'tgiveahootaboutyourprayersrightnowanyway!*
Hanna'sshoulderflinches,asifwantingtoshakeoffFella's
blasphemy.Shegoesonprayinginaudiblyfromtheprayerbook
inherhands,onlyherlipsmoving.
"Shutyourtrap,Fella,orI'llshutitforyou!"HayimIdTs
voiceboomsoutofthechestlikeoutofadeep,hollowbarrel"Go
tobed,saint!"
"Neveryoumind,HayimIddie.God'slayingoutanicefree
worldforyou.BettertellyourDvortchetogetajuicyhotstew
readyforthebigday."
"Enoughoutofyou,"hebellowsintothechest"Bettergive
yourmouthagoodrinsingbeforesayingTheNameIDarerft
Mention.Ifsyouandthelikesofyouthatwe'reallsufferingfor!"
Fellacutsthebread,tossessliceafterslicetoallthebeds,"If
37
that*sthewayitis,"sheretorts,"ifit'smetheJewsaresuffering
for,thenTdbetterhitthehay.Nightynight,HayiraIddie!Nighty
night,lovelyfreeworld!"
"Goodnight,goodnight!Pleasantdreams!"HayimIdlflashes
back."Maybeyou'dliketohavemesingyoualullaby?"
Fellapullstheblanketoverherhead,parryingtowardHayim
Idl:'Takeitfromme,HayimIdl,yourownlittleBellacoulduse
alullabymuchbetter.Ifthere'saGodinheaven,Hesureknows
it!Illsingmemyownlullaby.Don'tgoputtingyourselfoutfor
me."Shecurlsupsnuglyinsidetheblanket,andhervoicecomes
crooningfromunderit:
"Prettygirliesgetkissed,
Uglyducklingsarehissed..."
Fellaisabeautiful,sveltebrunetteofabouttwenty,with
twinrowsofsparkling,laughingteeth.Shewashardlyalongin
herteenswhenmenwerealreadyflockingaroundher.Fellaknew
alltheinsandoutsofthemaleheart.Sheknewhowtowrapthem
aroundherfingerandhowtomakethemkeeptheirdistance.All
inall,sheshowedthemwhichwasthe"weakersex/'
ButFellamadeherbiggestconquestwhileworkingasawait
ressinthemostfashionablesalooninherhometown,Radno.The
youngPolishpostmaster,Yeszy,fellinlovewithherandspent
halfhisnightsinthesaloonjusttobenearher.Hewasreadyto
givehisrightarmforasmilefromFella.ButFelladidn'twant
hisrightarm,anddidnotgivehimasmile.Menwereanopen
booktoFella.TheuniversityofRadnosaloonwassecondtonone
intheworld.
DuringtheJewliquidationatRadno,FellaescapedtoYeszy's
apartment.Yeszywasinseventhheaven.Itdidn'tmattertohim
thatFellahadcometohimonlytohide.HeonlyknewthatFella
wasinhishouse,andthatwasallhecaredabout.Butnosooner
didtheGermanspostsignsonallthehousewalls,"Deathtoany
PolehidingaJewl"thanYeszyorderedhertoleave.Can'tshesee
shecannolongerstayinhishouse?Hesaiditinallsimplicity,as
ifitwereanobviousthing.Fellaeyedhim,saidnothing.What
wasthereforhertosay?Yeszywantedhertounderstandhispo
sitionandsheunderstood.She'snobaby.Ofcoursesheunder
38
stands.Justonething:WouldYeszy,whousedtobereadyto
giveMsrightarmforhersmile,allowhertostayuntildark?That
evening,whenYeszy,likealltheChristiansinRadno,placedin
thewindowanikonoftheHolyMotheroveraburningkerosene
lamp,asasignthatapureAryanlivesthere.Fellaquietlyopened
thedoorandslippedoutwithoutaword.Sheslunkherway*
throughtheJewlessstreetsandacrossthefieldstoanoldac
quaintanceofhersamilitiamaninJewQuarter3.
NowFellasnapsherfingersattheworld."Lifedoesn'trateeven
onelittletearfromagirllikeme!"shemaintains.Everyevening
shegoestomakeanightofitatmilitiaheadquarters.Mornings
shereturnstotheCenterwithaloafofbreadunderherarm.Not
forherself.Felladoesn'tneedanybread.Sometimesshealso
bringsawholepackageofmargarine.Shegivesitoutwithallher
heart,withlaughingteeth.EventhetwoGodfearinggirlshelp
themselvestoFella'sbread.Iftheyknewwhatpriceshewaspay
ingforthebread,theymightnotwanttotouchitButthetwo
ofthemarestilllivingintheirownsinlessworld,withnotanevil
thoughttocrosstheirminds.
OccasionallyFellabringshomeapairofsheersilkstockings.
Shestretchesthemoverherlovelylegs,admirestheexquisitearcs
extendedbeforeher,sizingthemupasacommanderreviewing
histroopspresentingtheirgleamingbayonets.Convincedthather
weaponswillpass,sheslamsthemdowntothefloorandstarts
whistlingamerryhittune.Daniellacanhelpherselftoher
oldstockingsifshefeelslike.Oranybodyelseforthatmatter.Iffs
allthesametoFella.Lotsmorewherethesecamefrom.Forall
shecarestheycanrotunderthebed.Fellaisn'tforcinganyone,
Fellaisn'tbegginganyone.She'sjustagoodMd.Justonething:
howaboutlettinghergetsomesleepnow.Shehasn'thadawink
allnight.Theyreallywenttotownatthemilitialastnight,and
thebastardsdidn'tlayoffherallnightDidntevenlethercatch
herbreath.
Chapter4
TheysatonthestonestepsoftheJudenratsoupkitchen.
Harry'sclothesweresoakedthroughandthroughwithwet
snowfromthelongtrekthroughthefields.Hefumbledathiscoat
buttonsbutcouldn'tgetthemopen.Asthoughitweresomething
toohardtodo.Hishandswerewet,numbfromtheicywind.He
feltasthoughhisfingerswereswathedinbandages.
"It'smurder,thiswinter/'hesaid.
Thesnowonhishatwasmelting.Shesawthewatertrickle,
drop,dropoffthefaded,rumpledhatbrimontohisbackand
shoulders,andimmediatelyspongedupinthewetnessofhiscoat.
Shewantedtotakethehatoffhishead,butdidn't.Herhands
wouldn'tstretchout.
Harryturnedbacktheflapofhiscoatandwithbothhands
triedtopullapaperwrappedparceloutofhispocket.Daniella
watchedhiseffortswithwide,muteeyesanditdidn'toccurto
herthatshecouldhelphim.Itwouldn'thavebeenanytroublefor
hertopullsuchaparceloutofthesidepocketofhistrousers.She
waslikeonejustcomingoutofacoma,whosemindisstillina
fog.
...always,beforeHarrycomes,shehasathousandthingsto
tellhim.Butthemomentsheseeshim,shesuddenlyseemstolose
hertongue.Thewordssinksomewheredeepinsideher,andsome
thingaltogetherdifferentwellsupintheirplace.Waves,waves
sweepoverherhearttowardherthroatandclogtheretogether
withherbreath.Sheforgetsallthethousandsofthingsshe
wantedtotellhim.Shefeelslikeabottlefilledtothecorkfull,
butlookingempty,
40
ThebreadwhichHarrypulledoutohispocketswassodden
withtherainthathaddrenchedhimdowntothetrouserpocket.
Thedarkmarmaladeshowedbetweenthetwoovalcrustsof
bread.Hepeeledthesoggypaperoffoneendofthesandwich
andofferedittoher:
"Eat,Dani,"hesaid.
Shelookedathisoutstretchedhands.Theyweregnarledand
wet,tremblinglikeanoldman's.Shehastilytookthebreadfrom
him,turnedherfaceaway,andwithbothhandsheldthebread
toherclosedlips.
Always,whenevershethinksofhim,shepictureshimthe
wayheusedtolook:handsome,elegant,cuttingaveryimpressive
figure.Evenwhilewaitingforhimnearthefields,whenshetalks
tohiminherthoughts,sheseeshimnodifferently.Shecan'tpic
tureHarrylookinganyotherway.Sheforgets.Shealwaysforgets.
Sheisexcitedshe'sgoingtoseehiminalittlewhile.Butthemo
mentsheseeshim,herkneesbegintotremble.Sheispanicstrick
en:shedoesn'trecognizetheface.Ittakessometimebeforeshe
accustomsherselfagaintothefactthatthisisHarry.
Outside,themoistsnowwasstillfalling.Harrysatbesideher.
Helookedouttothesoupkitchencompound,notsayinganything,
asifhewantedtoavoiddisturbingherwhilesheate.Thewooden
fencearoundthecompoundandthetwostarktreesnearit
seemedfromafarlikeapencilsketchdrawnbykindergartenchil
drenongraycardboard.EverynowandthenwivesofJudenrat
officialsrushedbythecorridorentrance,carryingloadedbaskets,
sealedorwellcoveredwithablankettohidetheircontentsfrom
hungryeyes.OncethisbuildingwasaJewishschool.Nowitis
theJudenratsupplydepotHundredsofpeoplecouldhavebeen
housedhere.ButtheJudenratdoesn'twantanyonetoseewhatis
goingonhere.
Harrywaslookingouttothecompound."Themarmalade
shouldtastegood.Sanyakeptitforyouallweek.Thismorningit
didn'tseemTdbeabletomakeit.It'smurder,thiswinter.Good
thingIt'salmostover/*
Slowlysheraisedhereyestohisprofile.Shefeltasthoughpin
cerswereclampingherthroatShesearchedthefaceforsome
41
traceofwhatithadlookedlike,butcouldn'tfinditAsthoughthe
oldHarryhadbeenburnedtoanashwithinthisframe,withthe
painstillsmolderingaroundhishead."It'smurder,thiswinter."9
Wintertime,wheneverHarrycamehometovisit,theywould
bothgoiceskatingtogether.Nooneelseperformedsuchfigures
ontheice.Everybodywatchedhimwithadmirationandshe
wouldbesoproudofhim.Sheusedtowishthatwinterwould
lastforever,thatitshouldneverneverendandthatHarryshould
behome,always.
Atthewindowwherethefreesoupwasbeingdistributed,the
criesreachedthehighheavens.Therehungerwasruthlessly
kneadingagigantichumanmass.Disheveledheads,handsclutch
ingpotsoverhead,womenhowlingformercy.Thehumandough
heavedandtossed,interkneadingwiththefallingwetsnow.Each
wasafraidthatwhenhisturncomesthewindowwillslamshutin
hisface:Nomoresoup!Womenscreamedpiteouslyoutofthe
mob:They'rebeingcrushed!Menrammedelbowsintoheartsof
feeblerones,cuttingthemselvesapathtothewindow.Themili
tiamenstoodbytomakesurethatonlythosewhohadfirstturned
intheirrationcouponsreachthewindow.Therestdidn'tconcern
them.
EverytimetheGestapodemandsatransportloadofJews,the
Judenrathelpsitselffirsttothosewholiveoffthesoupkitchen.
Everyoneknowswherethetransportsaretaken.Nevertheless,the
compoundisalwaysjammedwithpeople.Theydisregardwhat
willhappentothemafterwards.Theyonlyknowthatnowthey
canmakeforthesoupkitchenwithanemptypotandbringhome
somewarmsoupforthechildren.
Harrymuses:FerberisnowwiththeRabbiofShiliv,stilltry
ingtoconvincehimthattheyareallgoingtodieandthattheonly
wayforthemtoglorifyGodisbyrevoltingasonemanagainst
theGermans.GoodideaforFerbertocometothecompound.
Herehewouldseehowpeople**glorify"~foraplateofwarm
soup.GlorifyGod!Whatisitworth?Whowillvolunteertogoget
killedifthere'snotevenaspoonfulofsoupinit?Who'llpayat
tentiontohim?Thesepeopleinthecompoundtheycertainly
won'tAndiftheydon't,whowill?EvenSanya,intelligentand
42
wiseassheis,doesn'tseeeyetoeyewithFerber.Andliehimself,
isMsmindallmadeupaboutit?Couldheagreetosomething
whichwouldmeancertaindeathforSanyaandDaniella?Tedek.
ClearmindedTedek.Thehundredpercentman.Thatsteelwill
intheeyes.Justoneglanceathimtoldyouthatherewasaman
whoknowswhathewantsandthathewouldgetthere.Sanyahad
argued,"Tedekisgoingouttocertaindeath."AndFerberre
torted,"Adeadmancan'tgoouttohisdeath."Andwhatwasthe
outcome?Whomdidhisdisappearancebenefit?Anhourbefore
hewentoutoftheghetto,Tedeksaid,*Tmleavingtheghettonot
asadeadman,norasoneheadingfordeath.I'mleavingtheghet
tobecauseI'maliveandamgoingtobringlifetoothers!Mygo
ingwillpavethewayforallofyou.7'Won'teveryonebegoingin
Tedek's"pavedway**?ThenFerbermustberight.Butcouldn't
Tedekstillbeherenow,togetherwithus?ThenSanyaisright!
WheredoesthisleanredheadFerbergetthisdriveburningin
himdayandnight?Wheredoeshegetthistenacityandcourage?
CanhewinovertheRabbiofShiliv?
Throughthecompoundgatecomesadilapidatedwickerbaby
buggyontall,spindlywheels.Anoldmansitsinthebuggy,and
twoyoungstersaboyandagirlwheelitalong.Theboypulls
thebuggywitharopeinfront,andthegirlpushesitwithher
handsfrombehind.Theoldman'skneesareraisedlevelwithhis
head,theiranglesjuttingfromthebabybuggy.Inthecrookofhis
stomach,betweenhiskneesandhead,sitsabig,sootypotThe
snowfallsmercilesslyonthebuggy,ontheoldman'sscraggly,
grizzlygreenbeard,ontheraw,peeleddownlowerlidsofhis
blearyeyes.Hedoesn'tbudge,asifitdoesnotbotherhimatall,
thewayitdoesn'tbotherthebaretreestumptherebythefence.
Thechildrenwheelthebuggyuptothewindow,wheretheyhave
toturnintherationcoupons.Theboygoesuptotheoldman,un
doesthecoatbuttonoverhischest,andpullsoutthesoggyration
card.Theoldman'sheaddoesn'tstir.Hestaresblanklywiththe
redfleshedlowerlidsofhisdrippingeyesatthewetstonewallof
thesoupkitchenbuilding.
...Harrywasneverthisquiet.Therewassomuchshewas
goingtotellhimbeforehecame,andnowshefeelsasthoughher
43
ttiroatwereclogged.Itwouldfeelsogoodifshecouldonlycry
herselfoutonhisshoulder.Butthatwouldonlymakeitharder
onhim.Neverhashebeenthisquiet.Healwayshadsomuchto
talkabout,andhowshelovedlisteningandtellinghimofherown
thoughtsandfeelings.Heprobablydoesn'ttouchapieceofbread
allweek.Youcan'tevengetaloafofbreadattheblackmarket
onthemonthlywagesoftheshop.Whocollectsthemiserable
salaryanyway?Everyoneisafraid.Theyallwanttobroadcast
theirpatriotismtotheGermans,theirreadinesstogiveupthe
salaryforthecause.Harryprobablydoesn'ttakehiswagesat
Schwecher'seither.Hewouldn'twanttobetheonlyone.Sheat
leastmakessomethingonceinawhile.She'smuchbetteroffthan
he.He'dhavebeenterriblyhurtifshehadn'ttakenthebread.
SheknowsitIfheonlyknewthatshecan'tswallowthebite
down,thatshechokesonhisbread.Butsheknowsthathewants
somuchforhertoeat.Howcanshetellhimhowawfullydrawn
hisfacelooks?Thatheneedsthebreadmuchmorethanshe?
"Sanyakeptthemarmaladeforyouallweek''Whoknowshow
longthey'vebeensavingthetwocrustsjustsoHarrycouldbring
themalongtoday?WhenSanyausedtovisittheminKongressia,
thewholehousewouldtinglewithherimpishgaiety.Inthose
daysshedidn'treallyknowSanya.Shewassuchababythen.But
sheshouldhaveknowneventhenthatifHarryhadchosenSanya
forawife,shemustbemorethanjustacuteflirtshowingoff
stylishsuits.Everybodyusedtostopandstareatheronthestreet.
"AParismodel..."theywouldbuzz.It'sbeenalongtimesince
shelastsawSanya
"HowisSanya?"Thequestionslippedoutunexpectedly.She
wassurprisedherselftohearthewordscomefromhermouth.
"SanyaisdoingallshecantogettheJudenrattoletyoulive
withus.It'salmostallset.Butthere'sstilltheproblemofgetting
youplacedinashop."
DeepdownDaniellaknewthatshewouldneveragreetoit.
IfsheliveswithHarryhellhavetofeedher,too.Harrywill
neverallowhertosmugglethegoodsunderhercoat,which
meansshewon'tbeabletopayherwayanymoreandwillbe
takingawayhislastbite.No.Never.Harrywantstothrowevery
44
thingoverforhersake.Sanyawillneverbeabletogetthered
Gestapostampforher.Silly.Youjustdon'tgetsuchthings.AH
thatwillhappenisthatthey'llcatchherinHarry'splace,andall
threeothemwillbesentofftoAuschwitz.Harryhasbecomeso
reckless...
"ToobadallthetroubleSanya'sgoingto/*shesaid.
"Why,Dani?MaybeyouandSanyawillevenworktogetherin
thesameshop/'
"111neveragreetosuchathing/'
Heswungaroundtolookather:
"You,Daniella,willdoasItellyou!Sanyaknowswhatshe's
doing!"
TheharshtoneofHarry'swordswassweettoherears,al
thoughsheknewthatinthiscaseshewouldneverobeyhim.The
firmnessofhisvoicewarmedherheartwithloveandgratitude.
Likeamotheratthesickbedofherchildtooweaktotalk,sud
denlyhearinghimbawlheroutviolently.
WhenHarryturnedtolookather,hesawherstillholdingthe
breadtoherlips,untouched.
"Whydon'tyoueat,Dani?"heaskedsoftly.
Shelookedtohim.Theirglanceslinked.
Tileatitthere,intheCenter,"shesaid.
Heputhisarmaroundhershoulderandshenestledherhead
onhisheartThecoldwetnessofhiscoatwasnearanddearto
heraspartofhim.Shefelthotstreamswashingoverherheart,
rushingintothethroat,theeyes.Shefeltthetouchofhishand
onherhair.Shefeltshemusthurryandsaysomething.Butthere
wasnothingshecouldsay.Therewasn'tawordintheworldthat
couldsolacehimandher;awordthatwouldmakeupforthe
wetnessofhiscoat,thefieldshellsoonhavetosloshthrough,and
allthat'shappeningaroundthemhereinthesoupkitchencom
pound.Shewantedtocry.
TBarrik,"shesaid,"youwereneverthisquiet"
Hestrokedherhead.Outside,theskyhungdankandbleak
overthecompound.Thehousetheyweresittinginwaslikean
arkcarriedalongonaflood,andthetreesinthedistancelikethe
outstretched^pnsofdrowners.Atthesoupwindow,threechil
45
dren.supportedtheirswooningmotherwhomtheyhaddragged
outofthemob.Thewomandidn'thavethestrengthtowalkby
herself.Herownlimbsweretoomuchforhertolift,buther
clampedfingerswouldn'tletgooftheemptypot.Thechildren
ledheraway,andwailing"Mama!Mama!"theybroughthertothe
wallofthebuilding.Nooneturnedtolookatthem.Therain
pouredangrily,mixedwithwet,stickysnowflakes.Noonepaid
attentiontothem,
Harrygentlycaressedherhead.Hewaslookingoutside.The
wordsranginhisears."Yowwereneverthisquiet..r
"What'stheretosay,Dani?"hesaid
Sheraisedherheadtohim;
"Youknow,Harrik,sometimesitseemsthatallthisisonlya
dream.SometimesIfeelTmgoingtowakeupandfinditwasjust
ahorridnightmare.You'llagaincomehomefromWarsawwith
theprettytansuitcaseinyourhandandthetravelingcoatover
yourarm.Oncemorewe'lljustgetupandwalkanywherewefeel
like.NomoreJewQuarters.You'llwaitformenearschool,come
upanddoffyourhatwithadeepbow.Remember?...But
don'tforgettosay:'MayIhavethepleasureofthemademoiselle's
companyforabriefafternoonpromenade?'Remembertosay,
Harriktosay*'
Thewordscameoutspasmodically.Astifledweepingwrithed
inherthroatHedrewhertohim.
TDani,Dani,"hesoothed,"ofcourseit'sonlyadream.It'sall
adreamapassingdream.'1
Shelookedathimwithwide,dazedeyes."No,Harrik.This
isn'tadream/'Herfingersflutteredoverhisface,gropedalong
theprotrudingbonesofhissunkencheeks."No,Harrik,thisisnot
adreamOh,Harrik."
HepressedherheadtoMschest.Hershouldersheavedasshe
wept.Hedidn'tknowhowtocalmher.Sheherselfwantedto
calmdown,butcouldn't
Anexcitedmanhuffedintothecorridorwheretheysat,holding
withbothhandsasteamingpotofsoup.Thesteamrosefromthe
pottowardhisagitatedface.Heparkedhimselfinacornernear
thewall,asthoughhidingfromsomeone,orasifhecouldn'tspare
thefewadditionalstepstothestaircase,wherehewouldbeable
tositandeatunmolested.Heheldthepotclosetohismouth,and
withatinspoonkeptbailingthesoupintohismouthwithout
pause,withoutstoppingforabreath.Sweatandmeltedsnow
flakesstreameddownhisflushedfaceintothepotHedidn'tin
terrupthismealeventowipetherivuletsofsweatandwaterfrom
hisbrow.
Alittlegirlofaboutsixstoppedatthecorridorentrance.She
hadfinallyfoundherfatherandremainedstandingthere,looking
athim,asifafraidtogettoonearhim.Therainwasdripping
fromherscrubbybraids.Shewaswrappedinalarge,patched
man'sjacketgirdedwithapieceofstring.Theoversizesleeves
wererolledupthescrawnylittlearms.Silentlyshegazedupat
herfather'sopenmouthandatthespoonfulsofhotsoupcontinu
allydisappearingintoit
DaniellaembracedHarry'shandsbetweenherpalms.She
lookedatthemwithloweredheadasshespoke,"Shamelessme.
YouriskyourlifeeverySundaytocometomeandallIdois
blubberatyou.I'mnogood."
"What'sthisyou'resayingaboutmygoldilocks?Youaremy
owngoldenDani!Mylovelyblossom"
"Youalwayscalledmeyourlovelyblossom,Harrik.Re
member?"
"Ofcourseyou'remylovelyblossom.OfcourseIsaidso.**
"Youknow,Harrik,alwaysbeforeyoucome,Ihaveamillion
thingsIwanttotellyou.Butthemomentwe'resittingtogether,
Iforget1alwaysforgetOnlylaterIremember,whenyou're
gone.WhatapigIam.WhydidIhavetocry?"
"Whentheheartrunsover,wecry.Whatotherreliefdowe
havethesedays?"
"Youalwayswerewonderful.Mommyalwayslovedyoumore
thanme."
That*snotso.My,butaren'tyoustillthejealouslittlecat."
"Harrik,"shesuddenlystrungoutMsnameveryearnestly,*I
havesomethingtotellyou."
*Aha,theregoesmylittleblabbermouth.Whatisitthistime?*
TFirstpromisetokeepitforeverbetweenus."
47
"Allright,ifthat'sthewayyouwantit.SoIpromise/'
"NorShegrippedhishandasinahandshake."Onlyifyou
shakeonit!"
"Piggyhead!Whodoesn'tknowDanithepiggyhead?Allright!
Illshake.Yourhand'ssowarm!"
"Not"allright'!"Honesttogoodness'!''
"'Honesttogoodness'!AmIgoingtohearitbeforecurfew
time?
"Youknow,Harrik,backinKongressiaIdidn'tespeciallycare
forSanya.Butthatwasthen.TodayIlovehermorethanIlove
youyoupromised!Remember!"
Harryputonagraveface,asifhehadjustheardsomenews
ofgreatimportance.SecretlyhewasgladtoseeDaniellatrans
formedbeforehiseyesbackintothechildshereallywas.He
knewhowdesperatelysheneededafather'scaress,amother's
embrace.Herspiritthirstsforitlikeaparchedplantforadrop
ofdew.Hewashappythathehadbeenabletodistractherfor
alittlewhileasonedistractsachild.Hepulledhimselftogether
andcontinued,"Nowyou'lladmityou'vealwaysbeenajealous
littlecat.Confessnowisn'titso?*'
Shenoddedpoutingly.
Themaninthecornerhadfinishedthesoupinthepot.He
lickedthespooncleanonbothsides,shoveditintohisbreast
pocketandturnedtoleavethecorridor.Thelittlegirlstepped
outofhisway.Hepassedherbyasifhedidnotseeher.She
turnedaroundanddumblyfollowedhimout.
Afterafewstepsoutside,thefatherswunghisheadaround
tothetaggingchildasthoughhehadonlyjustnoticedher
scowledather,andlikeapreoccupiedpersontryingtobrushan
annoyingflyoffhisnose,hehissedthroughhisteeth:
"Die!"
Andwalkedon.
Thegirlstoodthere.Shewasafraidtomoveastepforward
lestshegettoonearherfather."Die!"Thegroundoutcursefrom
betweenhisteethwaswellknowntoherandfrightenedhermore
thanthehungerinherstomach.Thewindwhippedherfacewith
48
lashesofwetsnow.Shedidnotweep.Shewasfustverylonely.
Thefatherwasdartingferretyglances,nowtowardthemilitia
menonduty,nowatthesoupwindow.Itwasobvioushewas
scheminghowtocutbackintothethrongwithoutthemilitiamen
noticing.Oncelostinthemob,he'llknowwhattodo.Themain
thing,togetbythemilitiamen.
"Youreallythinkthere'snohopeofgettingwordfromPaand
Ma?"Daniellasuddenlyasked."Zalkepromisedthatifhemakes
itbacktoMetropoliagain,helltrytobringaletterfromthem
andleaveitformewithLeonthegolddealer.Ihavetostopin
thereeverysooftentocheckifthereisanything."
Harrymused:Withthesnakepitproper,withBerlin,hehad
managedtomakecontactHeeventalkedtoBerlinbyphone.
ButtoKongressiaghetto,therealmofaJewishTang,"thereis
nogettingthrough.Asiftheghettowereimmuredinsteel
"Don'tyoudaregotothegolddealer!"headmonished."The
Germansmightpullasearchjustwhenyouhappentobethere.
They'llbelookingforgold,andthey'llfindyou.I'llthinkofsome
otherwayofcontactingKongressia.I'vehadapromiseabout
that."
Likeweldedlinksofachain,imageafterimageflashedthrough
hermind:Zalke,thebreadfullofdiamondsanddollarbills,the
Russian"porker"theseamripperfoundunderthepatchedknee
oftheoveralls,Schultze,theGermansupervisor,thearrivalofthe
GermansinYablova,herfather'sfacefadingintothestation,
Moni,"Daniywhyareyougoingaway?"
Allatonceshesaid,"Hellerthelandlordsaysthewarwon't
lastmuchlonger.WanttoseeMoni?"
Sheunbuttonedhercoatanddrewoutthelockethangingon
herbreast.SheleanedclosertoHarry.Theirheadstouched.The
innocent,cherubicfaceoftheirlittlebrothergazedatthemfrom
Daniella'spalmwithvelvetyastonishmentTheycouldhearhim
callingthembyname.
"Moniwouldbeninenow,"shesaid,
Harrytookthelocketinhishand,turneditover.There,his
father'sfacelookedupathimwithdeepblueeyestheveryeyes
49
heandDaniellainheritedfromhimandbyhisfather'shead,the
gentlefaceofhismother,thefacehelovedandworshipedabove
allintheworld.
"Theloveliestcoupleintheworld,PaandMa,"shewhispered.
Underthebalcony,nearthehousewall,thewomansatonthe
groundinfrozenposture.Theraincascadedandsweptatuft
ofhairdownherface.Itwashardtomakeoutwhethershewas
aliveatall,inaswoon,orjuststaringwithstonyeyesatthethree
childrenscamperingabouther,theirlittleheadshuddledbe
tweenemaciatedshouldersbecauseofthedownpour,andtaking
turnswailing,"Mama!Mama!"
Thesweepofhaironthewoman'sfacegaveHarrynorest
Whereandwhenhasheseenthiswomanbefore?Whenwas
thereasimilardownpourinwhichhehadseenherwiththeself
samerainswepttuftofhair?Theriddleburrowedinhismind
thewayyousometimesforgetasimpleexpression,thenameofa
familiar,everydaything;youcanseeitinyourmind,almosttouch
itwithyourtongue,butyoujustcan'tnudgeitouttoyourlips.
Heremembersitwasjustthiskindofdownpour.Heseesthetuft
ofhairagainstthebackdropofadownpour.Seemsheevensaw
thechildren.Butwhere,when?..
Daniellawaslookingatthepictureinthelocket,sunkin
thought.Outside,thesnownowfelldenserandcrisper.Inthe
centerofthecompoundthebabybuggywasstillstanding,with
theoldmaninitinthesameposeasbefore.Thebigemptypot
onhisstomachsuddenlylookedlikeanintricatelywroughtash
trayweldedtothemidriffofaclassicmythologicalfigure.
Suddenlyithithim.Thepictureflashedintohismindinclear
focus.Heremembered:ofcourse,thewomanwiththesweepof
haironherface!
ItwasafteramajorAktionintheghetto.Hehadhurriedto
findoutaboutDaniella.AtthetraintheGermanswerealready
loadingthecaptivesintothecars,whileintheghettothefirst
hiderswerescuttlingoutoftheholessometoavoidasphyxiation,
sometofindoutwhooftheirfamilyhadbeentaken.They
scurriedabouthelterskelter,theireyeswildwithterror:though
thecaptivesarealreadybeingloadedintothetrains,theGer
50
mansareliabletoreturntotheghettoiftheyfindthereissome
roomtospareinthecars,andpickupwhomevertheycomeacross.
Theholelookedlikeithadbeendugwithfrantichandsand
hastilycoveredoverwithbranchesandjunk.Thewomancrawled
outoftheearthasfromagrave.Thegrittytuftofhairwasdan
glingdownherface.Shestoodontopofamound,eyesglaring
downtowardtherailroadtracks.Asthetrainsstartedpulling
out,sheclappedherhands,andmurmuredfervently,"Praisethe
Lordthey'refinallybeingtaken!PraisetheLordthey'refinally
beingtaken!..."
Shedidn'tstopclappingherhandsandpraisingGod.
Inthehole,thechildrenlaycurledlikewormsinthesubsoil.
Thesamestrandofhair.Downpour.
Butitwasn'tadownpourofwater;itwasadownpouroffire
andfury,God'swrath.
Atthewindow,soupdistributionwasover.Theskysaggedwet
andgrayontothecompound.Thehugemassofpeople,whobut
amomentagohadfilledtheworldwiththeirclamor,nowcrum
bledlikeadriedupdough.Eachtohimself.Asifthe:paste
whichhadpreviouslyheldthemtogetherhadsuddenlydriedup.
Thepeopletrailedoff,bowed,silent,eachhisway.Beatenmini
kins.Emptypots.Fadedintothewetgraynessbetweenskyand
earth.Onlythebabybuggywiththeoldmaninitremained
standinginthecenterofthecompound,likearareartobject
inalargemuseumhallsetasideespeciallyforit.
Harrystoodup.Hewentovertothecorridorentrance.Out
side,itlookedasiftheworldhadcondensedintoadank,gray
mistHecouldn'tseethefieldsorthemountainsonthewayto
JewQuarter1.
"Almostcurfewtime,"hesaid."Sanyawillbeworried."
Daniellawentuptohim.Thewholewhileshe'dbeenwanting
totellhimthis,butcouldnotbringherselftoitShekeptpushing
itofftothelastmoment
"Harry,promiseyouwon'tcomethroughthefieldsanymore.
Notuntilyouhaveatransitpass.You'retakingyourlifeinyour
hands.Ican'tunderstandhowSanyaallowsit"
Harrysuddenlyremembered.
51
<eOh,yes,Imeanttotellyou.Imightbeputonnightshift
Idon'tknowwhenI'llbeabletocomeagain.Nightshiftworkers
hardlyevergetSundaysoff."
Herhearttwinged.Hewon'tbecominganymore!Shetried
withallhermightnottoshowwhatshefelt.Justamomentago
shehadaskedhimnottocome.Shehadinsistedonit
"It'sterrible,workingatnight,"shesaid,
Harrybuttonedhiscoatallthewayup.Forthethousandth
timehenowwondered:Healwaysmeetshisquota.Whydoes
Poldekthesupervisorpickonhim?Ofallthemachineoperators
inthetailorshophepickedhimforthenightshift!Whatdidhe
dotoPoldekthathesuddenlystartedgoingafterhimsosadis
tically?HesitsthereinthecornerathismachineaUday,mind
inghisownbusiness.Hewasalwayssurenobodynoticeshim;
thatPoldekdoesn'tseehim,orwatchhim,letaloneknowhim.
WhydidPoldekpickonhim?
"Itsnotasterribleasitseems/*hesaid."Nothingisterribleany
more,Dani.ItonlyhurtsmethatIwon'tbeabletoseeyouas
oftenasbefore.Don'tletitupsetyou,Dani.Sanya'sboundto
getyourtransferthrough."
Heembracedherheadanddrewhereyestohislips."I'vegot
torun,"hesaid.
Daniellaquicklyundidhercoatandstrippedoffhersweater.
"Takeit,Harry,"shesaid.
"Notfortheworld!Whatanidea!"
"Youputthatsweateronthisminute!Ihavemyraincoatand
youstillhavesuchalongwayaheadofyou!Putitonthisinstant,
youscamp!"
"Piggyhead!Whodoesn'tknowDanithepiggyhead?"
Sheforcedhiscoatoff.Itwaswetandheavywithwater.She
pulledthesweateroverhishead.Hisbodywasallskinandbones.
Thesweaterseemedterriblybigonhim.Sheclenchedherteeth
tosuppressascream.
Shestoodattheedgeofthecompoundwatchinghimfadeout
ofsightFromtimetotimeheturnedhisheadtoher.Fromthe
distancehelookedlikeanold,derelictvagabond,driftingalong
thebleakbywaysoftheworld.Beforedisappearingbehindthe
52
firstmountain,hehaltedforthelasttime,swungaroundtoher,
andwithadeepflourishdoffedhishattoherfromafar.
Thesceneflashedbeforehereyesandtoredaggersather
heart
"MayIhavethepleasureofthemademoiselle'scompanyfora
briefafternoonpromenade?..."
53
Chapter5
Winterpassed,summercame.Nooneevennoticedit.Inthe
ghettotheyhadlongforgottentonoticesuchthings.Thesun
doesnotdrytears,asthepoetshaveit.Fortheykeptflowing
everfreshasfromawellwhich,itseemed,wouldneverrundry.
Intheghettostreetsnochildrenplayed.Intheghettothere
werenochildren.ThereweresmallJewsandtherewerebigJews
alllookingalike.Thechildrenworeontheirlittlesleevesthe
sameJewarmbandastheelders.Justaswiththeyellowpatch
sewnagainsttheheart.Dvortche,HayimIdTswife,embroidered
atinyyellowhexagram,likeaStarofDavid,andseweditto
Bella'sdressovertheheart."Howsweet!Howcute!"HayimIdl
couldn'tstoprhapsodizing.Andthetinypatchreallyhadpoignant
charm,likethefirstweewhiteshoesofaninfant.
Thatstillanothersummerwaspassing,nobodyintheshoeshop
noticed.Buteveryonedidnoticethatthecanteenmanhadgotten
himselfanewpartner.Theturnoverinthecanteenintheshoe
shopatticgrewbyleapsandbounds.Latelythecanteenhas
branchedoutlikeasecretholdingcompany,withinvisibleshare
holderssomewhereoutsidetheshopwalls.
Originally,thesemidarkatticwasjustacloakroom.Thecan
teenmanhandedoutchecksandtookcareoftheshopworkers*
clothes.Atthesametime,healsocarriedasweetishsodaofsorts.
Whatelsewasavailableintheghetto?Eventhiscloyingdrink
wasaluxuryonlytherich"screwturners"couldafford.Bynowthe
canteenhasbecomeabigoperation.Thereyoucangetthechoic
54
estdishes:roastgoose,cheesecake,beer,andpotassiumcyanide.
Thechoicestcyanide.
Inacorneroftheattic,behindthedoor,standsamanwith
asphinxlikeexpression,handburiedinhistrouserpocketWith
himthereisnotalk.Withhimthetransactioniscarriedoutword
lessly.Justwiththeeyes.Theincomerextendsatremuloushand.
Notraisingit,butholdingitbyhisthigh,palmup,heextends
quaveryfingers.Onepairofeyesasks:
"Sureit'sallthere?"
Thesecondpairofeyesreplies:
"Surething"
"You'renotholdingoutonme?"
Sphinxfaceinthedarkcornerputsareassuringhandonthe
doubter'sshoulder,patshimlightly,intimately,andsendshim
off,statingwithhiseyes,"Relax.It'sallthere...?
Afterthismutespiritualisticrite?thecobblerisreadytogo
aheadandeatcheesecake.
Acheesecakeindustry.Wheredotheygetsuchcheesecake
nowadays?Cobblersdidn'tsetsuchcheesecakeontheirtables
evenbeforethewar!
Fromthedarknessbehindthecoathangers,thecanteenman's
headkeepsmaterializingoutofthefloorlikeanapparition,dis
pensingslicesofcheesecake.Oneofthepartnersstandsonthe
marginbetweenthedarkandlight,whisperingcontinuouslyat
thefloor:
"Quarter."
"Bubbler."
"Goo."
Thecanteenmansprawlssomeplaceonthefloor,weighing
slicesofcake,rippingchunksofroastgoose,uncappingbeer
bottlesanddispensing.Thereissomuchtobedone.Thecus
tomersareinlinewaitingtheirturn.Hedoesn'tletoutasound.
Hejustdispenses.Here'sthequarteraquarterofroastgoose;
here'sthebubbleratallglassoffoamingbeer;andhere*sthe
gooahalfpoundsliceofcheesecake.Allwithoutaword.Hands
reachoutofthedarkandservetotheheart'sdesire.Thecheese
cakepansareconcealedinthehollowbetweentheatticfloorand
55
themacMneroomceiling.Onthewoodenfloorliesapileo
clothes,ostensiblybroughtinforripping.
Adaylongpilgrimagetotheattic.Thosegoingup,thosecoin
ingdown.Theypasseachotheronthestairs,notsayingaword,
notexchangingaglance.Eachknowswhytheotherisonhis
wayuptotheattic.Bytheentrancetheystopandwaitsilently
fortheotherstocomeout.Eachknowswhytheotherhascome
here,andwhytheyareallstandinghere.Sotheywaitinsilence,
likemenwaitingtogetherinthefoyerofabrothel.
II
WhenDaniellaheardtheterriblenews,Harrywasalready
loadedononeofthetrains.
Ithappenedduringaweekend,onabeautifulsummernight.
TheGermansswoopeddownonthenightshiftinSchwecher's
tailorshopinJewQuarter1,stoppedthemachines,andtookthe
workerstothelaborcamp.
Harrywasamongthosetaken.
IntheshoeshopVevkeroamedfromroomtoroom,fromtable
totable,andjustcouldnotsettledown.Workintheshoeshop
wasnotthewayitusedtobe.Theghettoatmosphererushedin
throughthewallsofthefortresscalledshoeshoplikethesea
intoaflounderingvessel.VevkewantedtogoovertoDaniella
andconsoleher.Butwhenhegottothethresholdoftherag
roomhehalted.Hisfeetwouldn'ttakehimanyfurther.Seeing
thegirl'sheadloweredtothegarmentshewasripping,thecon
solingwordsuddenlydriedupinsidehimandhecouldfindnoth
inginsteadtosaytohernow.Thegirl'sdespondentfacebared
theunhealedwoundsinhisownheart.Healwaysfeelshisown
painmostacutelythroughthepainofothers.Betternotgotoher
now.Hewheeledaroundandwenttooneofthecobblers'tables,
snatchedupapairo"mates,"withtheotherhandpulleda
woodensoleoutofthebasket,anddivedintowork,likesomeone
goingintoataverntodrownarackingsorrow.
ThenewsaboutSchwecher*sshopwasnolongerdiscussedat
thecobblers'tables.Itwasalreadyjustanotheroneofthose
56
ghettoevents,athingofthepast.Butthenpolitics,too,wasn't
discussedanymoreeitheratthehighcuttingtablesoratthe
lowcobblers'tables.Gonewerethesweetsnatchesofstolen
conversationatthetables.Moreover,nooneevenmissedthem.
Everyoneputquestionstohimselfthatcouldnotbediscussed
withothers.Everyonewondered;Whosetarnwillitbenext?
WhenwillthenextAlctionstrike?Whatwillitbelike?Will
itagainbetheshops?Orachildren'sAktion?Ormaybethe
womenthistime?Thechildlesscalculatedthatithadbeena
longtimesincethelastchildren'sAktion,anddecideditwasabout
timeforthechildren.Fathersofsonsfiguredoutthatitwould
bethedaughtersthistime.Eachfoundthathehimselfwasnot
inthecategoryduenext,andoneandallweresurethatafterthe
bigraidatSchwecher's,theGermanswouldlayoStheshopsfor
atleastawhile.Andwhatdoesonecraveaboveall?alittlewhile.
Onemorebreath,andyoumaybeliberated.
Bergson,thecantorofthe"atheists'"synagogue,looksside
waysatthehammerfallingrhythmicallyinVevke'shand,andat
thenailssproutingandvanishingsosystematicallyintothenar
rowtapearoundthewoodensole.Withhimself,Bergsonmuses,
the"mates"arealwayseithertoolongortooshortforthesole.
Thoughitseemstohimhe'salwaysverycarefultopicktheright
size"mates."Mustbesomeunfathomablecobblers'secret.Not
oncedidhisbloodfreezeonseeingthelastnailsplayhimdirty.
It'sneveruntilthelastnailsthatthe"mates"showthemselvesto
beoutofkilter.MorethanoncehasSchultzesentpeopletoAu
schwitzforthiskindofslip."Willfulsabotage"hecallsitIfnotfor
Vevkehe'dlongsincehaveendedupinAuschwitz,Vevkenever
missesthemeaningofhisupraisedeyes,andalwaysknowshowto
savetheshoe*Andalwaysinthenickoftime.It'sbeyondhim:No
soonerdoestheshoefeelVevke'stouchthanthelongisn'tlong
anymoreandtheshortisn'tshort.Justsomecobblingsecret!
ButevenSchultzehascutdownonhisslinkingalongthework
roomwallslately.Alltold,theshoeshopnowlooksasinthe
midstofamourningrecess;thefestivemournfulairofstores
closedforthefuneralofsomegreatpersonage.Ithadalways
beensocrowdedatthecuttingtables,andatthecobblers'tables
57
yourarmcouldn'tmovefreelybecauseoyourneighbor'sarm.
Eventhe"screwturners"don'tshowupattheshopanymore."The
bestlaborcardisagoodbunker/'theysay.Andtheyarereally
settingthemselvesupgoodbunkers.Leaveittothem.Theyknow
whatthey'reabout.NoAktionevergetsthem.Theyevenmanage
towriggleoutoftheDulag.*
Vevketossesonecompletedshoeafteranotherintothebasket.
Noslowingupforhim,Bergsonobserves.Asifhemeantto
bolsterupthetotteringwallsoftheshoeshopwithhisowntwo
shoulders.Twentyyearstheylivedasneighborsinthesame
house,andinallthattimehenevergottoknowthegreatnessof
Vevketheman.HefirstsawitthedaytheGermansdroveallthe
Jewsoftheirstreetoutoftheirhomes.Theywereallwailing
andweepingandtearingattheirhair.ButVevkefirsthesent
hiswifeandfivesonsonahead.Thenhetookthecobblers*table
onhisshoulderandthetoolkitinhisotherhand.Onthethresh
oldofthehousehestopped,setthetoolkitontheground,
reachedMshandtothemezuzah,**brushedhisgluecakedfinger
tipsoveritandkissedthem,abruptlybentandtookholdofthe
toolkit,andsteppedfromthehomewherehehadpassedmore
thanhalfhislife;wherehischildren'scribshadstood;where
he'dearnedhisbreadwithhonestsweat;whereeverynookand
cornerwasprecioustohim.
Hewalkedawayfromthehousewithoutoncelookingback.
Throughthestreetstreamedwailingthrongsofyoungand
old.Atthattimeitseemedthatbeingdrivenoutofyourhome
wasthegreatestcalamity.Vevkewalkedstraightahead,tight
lipped,hisgreasyoverallsshinywithuse,thecobblers*table
highonhisshoulder,spreadingcheerandcouragetohisright
andtohisleft:"Jews>notears!Thebutchersarehavingthem
selvesashow,apoxandaplaguetakethemlForpity'ssake,
Jews,don'tbegivingthemanytreats!"
Andthefactthathe,Bergson,nowsitsintheshoeshopisalso
*Dulag,orDurchgangslager:pointoutsidetheghetto,whereJewswere
takentobepickedupbythetransports.
**Mezuzah;tinyscrollofcertainexcerptsfromtheBible,setincontainers
onthedoorpostsofmostJewishhomes.
58
thankstoVevke.Otherswouldhavegivenaminttogetthem
selvesinhere.
Vevketossesonecompletedshoeafteranotherintothebasket.
Heworksfullsteam.Asifhemeanttofinishoffthewholestock
singlehandedsotheGermansshouldn'tliquidatetheshoeshop.
Intheolddaysthisplacewasahellhole.Schultzehobbledamong
thetablesallday.Everyoneworkedatasizzlingpace.The
roomswerejammedbeyondcapacity.Then,noonedaredstop
forevenamoment'sbreath.Oh,buttohavethosedaysback
again!Then,youknewthathere,atleast,youweresafefrom
beingtransported.Noweventhe"screwturners"don'tshowupany
more.It'sabadomen.AndSchultze'sstayingawayfromthe
workroomscertainlybodesnogood.Nowthere'splentyofroom
atthecuttingtables,andthewhitepatchesoflightbetweenone
worker'sshoulderandhisneighbor'scastapalloffear.What
willtomorrowbring?Howwillthis"festiveness"endup?Mean
whilethepilgrimagetotheatticproceedsasusual.Penniless
cobblersgorgethemselvesondelicaciessuchastheycouldnever
dreamofbeforethewar.Peoplesellthelaststitchofftheirbodies.
Theysplurgedowntotheirlastpenny.Nooneworriesabout
later,fornooneknowswhetherhewillhavealater.Noone
thinksoftomorrow'sbread,fornooneknowswhetherhellbe
aroundtobuybreadtomorrow;whetherhewon'tbedragged
outofbedduringthenightIfso,whyscrimp?Towhomarethey
goingtowillit?Betterhurryuptotheattic,then,andbuycheese
cake,beer,roastgoose,andcyanide.
CYANIDE
Thedearestiteminthecanteeniscyanide.Whoeverhascya
nideinhispocketknowshecangoaheadandeatcheesecake.
Almosteveryoneintheghettoisasolitaryleftovernowwith
outchildren,parents,withoutfamily.Everyoneleftintheghetto
hassuddenlycomeintoafortune,becomeamanofproperty.
Everyoneisinheritingclothing,linen,housewaresofdeported
relatives.Hardlyhaveyoumanagedtoeatuptheinheritance
ofonerelativewhenyoulearnyouVecomeintotheproperty
ofanotherrelative.Whatabountyofrelatives!Before,you
couldn'tgetathingoutofthem.Notonlythat,theyneverstopped
59
gripingaboutwhyyou'renothelpingthem.Oneandallabunch
ofpaupers.Nowyougodraggingtheleftoverbaggagefrom
theirhovelsandgroanundertheloadatwofoldgroan:halffor
theheavyload,halfforthedeportedrelative.
Andyoudragsomemore.
There'snothingtheChristianswon'tbuyfromtheJewsnowa
days:linen,bedding,kitchenware.Everything.Theresidentsof
thenearbyAryanstreetssuddenlywentonabuyingspree:"Bar
gains"ofdeportedJews!Theyheardthatafterliquidatingthe
Jewsintheghettos,theGermansgrabeverythingforthem
selves.Evenausedbabybuggyisahighpremiumitem.They
don'tleaveathingbehind.Sendeverythingtotheirfamiliesin
Germany.So,thePoleshurrytobeattheGermanstoit,"Bar
gains!"Allfromtheintelligentsiatothemassesgreedilyawait
theghettotraders.Theireyesarehungrilygluedtothelocked
ghettogates.Theyarereadytopayanythingfortheârgains.^
Evenmorethantheyareworth.AcrazehasseizedtheAryan
streets:"Bargains"!Acontagiousdisease.Anepidemicthat
doesn'tbypassasinglehouse.Atthelastmomentoftheirlives,
destitutecobblershavesuddenlybecometycoons.Likeaperson
inadyingcomasuddenly,atthefinalmoment,openingclear,
consciouseyes,asthoughhehasjustbroughtbackfromsome
whereabrandnewlife.
Butthecobblersknowwhatisgoingtohappentotheminthe
momenttocome.Sotheymakeforthecheesecakeintheattic.
Intheshoeshop,thepeoplesuddenlybecameawareofthe
materialtheywereusingformakingtheshoes.Morethanonce
doesthefuriousclatterofasewingmachinedribbleoffasif
joiningitsoperatorinthought.Whilesewing,theoperatornoticed
thatthe"mate"nowslidingfromunderthemachineneedleis
cutfromstripedtrouserssuchasheisnowwearingonhisown
body.Andatthecuttingtable,someonewillsuddenlystop,his
knifepointnotquitetouchingtheneatlyarrangedclothstack.
Ashuddersuddenlyranthroughhimwhenheplacedhisother
handonthestackandfeltthematerialunderhisopenpalm.
Asthoughhewerenowrestinghishandonahumanshoulder
withtheknifebladepoisedinhisotherhand.Thebladeissus
60
pendedjustoverthematerial.Inasecondhewillplungethe
knifeinfullforce.Thebladewillsinkdeep,deep.Pierceanother
jacketAnotherjacket.AnotherjacketAndcut...cut...
Hecan't
Passingthedoorwayoftheragroom,thepileofoldclothes
insinuatesitselfintothecornerofhiseye.Allatonce>itseemsas
thoughpeoplelikehimselfarelyingthere,likeeverybodyelse
workinghere.Hisfootstepswaver,halt.Thepeopleseemtobe
callinghimtoliedowntogetherwiththemonthepile.That's
wherehebelongsanyway.
Hisfeetgive.Hecan'tmoveanotherstep.Histhroatfeels
chokingdry.Wherehadhemeanttogo?There'snothinghe
wantsanymore.Thereisnomorestrengthforwanting.Suddenly
hishandstartsrtrembling.Hewantstoreachout,holdonto
something,savehimself.Hischokingbreathnowquiversinthe
palmofhishand.Iftherewerenowinthepalmofhishandthe
bitofwhitecyanidehewouldbeabletogoonbreathing.Only
thequiveringbitofcyanidecanfreehimfromthefearcutting
offhisbreath.Cyanide!Onlythatcangivehimthestrengthto
goonliving.Allatoncehisfeettearawayfromthespot
Anothercobblerhasmadefortheattic.
"Seehowthoseshoefakersofminehaveflownthecoop!"
Vevkeboomsattheemptybenches."Allweneednowisfor
SchultzetopopinP
Herearsupfromhisseatandheadsfortheattic.
WhenVevkegotthere,hesuddenlyhalted,handontheban
ister,footpoisedonthestairnexttothelastHecouldnotmove
anotherstep.Theformerpain,thegriefforhistwomissing
sons,carnebackinallitsintensitywhenhesawDaniellastanding
attheatticentrancewaitingforthedoortoopen.Heforgotwhy
hehadcome.Hewentuptoher,asifthishadbeenthereason
forhiscoming,tookherbythearmandsilentlywalkedherdown
thestairs.
Shelethimleadher.Neitherresistingnoracquiescing.She
movedmechanically,asinadaze.Vevkefoundnowordtostill
thepaindevouringhisheartHedidnotscoldherortrytocon
soleher.Hekeptsilent
61
Hisguidinghandexudedplaingoodness,simpleloveoffellow
man.Aswhenapersonliftsabirdoutofatrap,caressesit?wants
tohealit,butdoesn'tknowhow.
Onreturningtotheshoeshop,Vevkesuddenlyremembered
whyhehadleftinthefirstplaceandrushedrightbacktothe
attic.
62
Chapter6
Daniellawasrippingtheseamsofasummercoat.Thecolorof
thesilkenmaterialwaslightThetwilightsunglaredblindingly
throughtheragroomwindow,andtheseamrippers'knives
seemedtobesmearedwithblood,Harrysatbesideher.Shewas
teachinghimseamripping.
"See,Harry?Watch.Youputafootononeendofthegarment
likethisandtheotherendyouholdfastunderyourleftarm.
Withthefingersofthelefthandyoustretchthegarmenttight
like"Shewasabouttosay"likeaviolin,"butsheimmediately
swallowedtheword.Shedidn'twanttoremindhimofhisbe
lovedviolinwhichheusedtoholdthisway.Shequicklysaid
"likesomethingtightAndtheknifeinyourrighthandyoudraw
lightlybackandforth,backandforthoverthetautseam.Get
it,Harry?"
"It'snotsohardtounderstand/*hesaid.
Shemovedclosertohim.Itwasgoodtofeelhimsonear.
"Ialwayswishedwecouldworktogether,"shesaid.'"Sitting
bytheragheapIalwaysusedtowishyouweresittingbesideme.
WhyshouldyoubeinoneshopandIinanother?Whycouldn't
weworktogether?Hundredsofpeopleworkhere.Whyshouldn't
youbeoneofthem?Tellme,Harrik,isn'titwonderfultobe
sittingtogether?"
Harry'sheadwasbowedoverthegarmenthewasripping.
Heappearedtobecompletelyengrossedinhiswork.Hedidn't
answer.
63
"Doesn'titfeelgood?"sherepeated.
Hedidn'tlookupfromhiswork."Loweryourvoice/'hesaid.
"Theycanheareveryword.Istalkingallowedhere?"
"Whynot?Herethere'sfreedom.Completefreedom.Here
Vevkeisboss."Shesaiditasifthiswereafactorybelongingto
herfather.
Theknivesweresmearedwiththebloodoftheredsunset.As
thoughitwerelivearteriestheywerecutting.Thesunstreamed
inlikeagiganticredfloodlight.Daniellawonderedatherbeing
abletolookstraightthroughthelightbeamatthesunwithout
beingblinded.Asarule,shehadonlytolifthereyesjustalittle
tothesunandtheywouldimmediatelysmartwithpain.Now
thesunwaswan,cold,asifcutoutoftinsel.Thisisthefirsttime
inherlifeshehaseverlookedrightatthesun.Shefeltasthough
shewereseeingintothesky;asifshehadconqueredthefierysun.
"Harry,seethesun?Nowyoucanseewhatitreallylookslike,
inallitsnakedness."
"That'snosun;that'sahoax,"hesaid.Hedidn'traisehiseyes.
Asifitwerenotworthhislooking.
"Toyoueverythingisahoax.Youdon'tbelieveinanything
anymore."
Hedidn'tanswer.Shewasamazedhowquicklyhewasripping.
"Harry,"shesaid,"fromnowonIwon'tbelieveeither.Iwon't
believeathinganymore.Theysaidyouweredeportedina
transport.Sohowcanyoubesittingherewithme?Fromnowon
I'mnotbelievinganythingeither."
Harrydidn'tlookupfromhiswork.Hesaid:
"Youcan'tbe'deported'anymore.It'sthesameeverywhere."
Shedidn'tunderstandwhathewassaying.Butlatelyshe'd
beenusedtohearinghimsaythingsshedidn'tunderstand.She
didn'taskhimtoexplainnow,either.Shethought:Maybehe
reallywasdeported,butonthewayhejumpedthetrain.StecM
man,ofHeller'ssecondcourt,alsojumpedthetransporttrainand
madeitbacktotheghettowithfourbulletsinhisbody.Maybe
Harrywasalsoshotwhileescaping,butisn'tlettingon.Henever
tellsanything.Suchthingsarereallybetteruntold.Heshould
onlynotletitsliptoanyone!He'sbecomesodevilmaycarelate
64
ly.Whenshefirstlearnedhe'dbeendeported,shetriedtoconsole
herselfwiththethoughtthathemightjumpthetrain,likeSteckl
man.Shehadafeelinghewould.Itwasheronlyhope.Itwas
whatenabledhertogoonliving.
"Iwasgoingtobuycyanide/*shesaid."Theysellitatourcan
teen.Don'tyouevergoupthere!Promise,Harrik?"
"Goupthere?Whatfor!It'sjustsomemorefraud.They'reonly
outtobilkyou.Everythingisfraud.Eventhedeaththeycarry."
"Whatdoyoumean?Idon'tunderstandawordyou'resaying."
"Whydon'tyouunderstand?"hesnapped."Thesedaysaman
hasnowayofknowingifhe'salreadyinthehereafter,orifhe
stillhastowaitfordeath.Everythingismixedup.Lifeanddeath
inonebrew.Ahereafterthat'snotherenotafter.Fraudandhoax.
What'ssohardtounderstand?"
Hespokerapidlyandharshly.Therewassomethingqueer
aboutitSheknewshehadwrittenthesesamewordsinherdiary;
buthearingthemnowfromHarryshesomehowcouldn'tseemto
makesenseoutofthem.SuddenlyshesuspectedHarryhadread
whatshehadwritteninthediaryandwasnowmockingher
words.Thewordsirkhim,that'swhyhe'ssomadather.Heal
waysusedtobawlheroutwhenshetalkedtohimaboutdeath.
Shewastooembarrassedtotellhimoffforhavinglookedinto
herdiarywithoutpermission.ItdawnedonherthatonlyFella
couldhaveshownhimthediary.Fella'sbedisnearthewindow,
andFellaseeshertuckingthenotebookintotheslotbetweenthe
sillandthecoolingbox.AnotheroneofFella'spranks.Shedidn't
wanttobemadatHarrynow.Itwouldbeashametospoilthe
wonderfulfeelingofsittingbesidehim.Justrememberingthe
momentshewastoldhe'dbeendeportedwasenoughtoputher
inseventhheavenattheirbeingtogether.
Thelightseamthreadofthesilkenraincoatsnappedlikelittle
nutsundertheknifeblade.Thesplitthreadonbothsidesofthe
seamlookedliketworowsoftinybaredteeth.
Harryturnedhisheadtoher.
"Letmeshowyouaneatertrick,"hesaid,andwithbothhands
beganpullingatapaperwrappedpackageinhistrouserpocket.
Thepackagecameoutwithdifficulty.Shelookedattheprotrad
65
ingendofthepackageandwassureitwasbreadhehadbrought
forher.Shewasabouttotellhimshewouldundernocircum
stanceseatthebread,he'dbetterrememberthatwhenhefinally
gotitout,unwrappedit,andliftedoutthedilapidatedman'sshoe
oftheOswiencimgirl.Shewonderedwhetheritwasthesame
shoeoritsmatewhichHarryhadbroughtalongwithhimescap
ingfromAuschwitz.Harryclutchedthetoeoftheshoewithboth
handsandrippedtheupperoffthesole.Suddenlyitlookedas
thoughhewereholdingopenthejawsofacrocodile.Thetwo
rowsofwhitewoodenpegslookedlikejaggedteethinthecroco
dile'smaw.Itdidn'tfazeheratall.Shewantedtotellhimso,
whenSchultzesuddenlycamehobblingrapidlytowardthem,
aimingthetipofhiscaneatHarry'sface.Therubbertipcircled
overHarry'sfacelikeawaspwithdrawnstingerabouttoalight
onitsvictim.WhenthecanetipfinallysettledonHarry'sface,
betweenthetwoeyes,Schultzescreeched,"FromAuschwitzthe
shoecameandtoAuschwitzitwillreturn!Buttogetherwithyou,
mydear.OfftoGestaponow.Butquick!..."
ShefeltHarry'sfingerspressingherhand.Hepulledherafter
himandtheyraceddownthestairsintothebigshoestoreroom.
Theyhidbehindthehighwoodenshelveswheretheshoeswere
lineduprowuponrow.Theshaftsofsettingsunblazedthrough
thewindowandglaredintheireyes.Daniellaknewthatsoon
theirpursuerswouldbelookingforthemhere.They'llbespotted,
buttheywon'tbeabletoseetheirpursuersbecauseoftheblind
ingsun.Shehadsinnedagainstthesunbefore.Shehadimagined
shehadconqueredit.That'swhythesunistakingitoutonher
now.ShewasabouttoaskHarrywhyhehadtogoandpryopen
theAuschwitzshoeandturnitintoacrocodile'smaw.Itonlyin
furiatedtheGermans,Butjustthen,Harrywhisperedintoher
ear,asiftojustifyhimself:*T11goontearingtheshoe'smawor
itwillswallowmealive.Doyouwantittodevourmeasitdid
Ferber?Iwon'tletit.I'mstrongerthanthey!"
BeyondtheopendoorblackuniformedGermanswerestomp
ingupthestairstotheworkrooms.Daniellaknewitwasforthem
theywerecoming.Herkneesbeganquaking.Harrylookedat
her.Shewantedtocalmdownbutcouldn'tquellthetrembling
66
ofherknees.Asthoughsomeoutsideforcewereshakingthem
fromwithin.Thesunpouredredsheavesoflightinamongthe
shoesarrayedontheshelves,andtheylookedlikemarchingranks
offeetwadinginblood,maybetheGermanswillgoeasieron
themiftheygivethemselvesup.Andasifinreplytoherthought,
Harryopenedthewindowandtheyjumpedout.Theyranacross
theroadtowardthewoods.HeavilyarmedGermansonmotor
cycleswhizzedupanddowntheroad.Theywerenowonthe
Aryanside,whereaJewmustn'tbeseen.Theywereoutsidethe
ghetto.Harryrippedtheyellowstaroffhisjacket.SeeingDaniella
vacillating,hereachedoutandrippedtheshamesignoffher
breast.Thespotwherethestarhadbeenstoodout,unfaded.The
darkpointsoftheStarofDavidshowedclearly.Shewantedto
cryforfear.
Theyranthroughthethicket.Thethickunderbrushentangled
theirfeetandhamperedtheirflight.SheknewtheGermanswere
bearingdownonthem.Thepricldyshrubsstungandscratched
herface.Shecouldn'trunanymore.Herfeetbecamelikeat
tachedblocksofwoodwhichshenowhadtolugassheran.
"Buckup!Buckup!Ifyoucan'trunnowit'llbealloverwith
you!.."Harryshoutedasheran.Shefellbehindhim.Shefelt
herstrengthdraining.
"Run,Harry,saveyourself!"shecried.ShefelttheGermans
werenear.
"Keepgoing!Forpity'ssake,don'tletyourselfthink.Ifyou
can'trunwithoutthinkingyou'llbefinished!"heshoutedback
toher.
...Yablovawoods!HowdidtheYablovawoodsgethere?
She'sinMetropoli!?Amongthetrees,notfarfromher,German
isbeingspoken.SheclearlyhearsGermansspeaking.Where
shouldsherun?Whowillletherin?InthePolishhutwhereshe
hadfledfromYablovamarketplace,thePole'steeth,tongue,and
openmouthbarkedintohereyes:"Kike?Beatit!Scram!..."
Theshrubsprickedherface.Sheran.Ran.Withherlastwind.
Ran,ran."Kike?Beatit!Scram!.."
WhereisHarry?Shenolongersawhimnearher.Herfeet
draggedlikehugestonesfrombothsidesofherbody.Shecould
67
nolongercarrytheirdeadweight."Beatit!..,Beatit!.."
Thestonefeetdraggedherdown,down.Sheslumpedtothe
ground.Shefeltherselfsinkingintoadeeppit.Suddenlyshe
feltthegroundbeneathher.Shesawherfeetlyingoutside,on
thesurfaceoftheground.SheheardtheapproachoftheGermans
butshelayrootedtotheground.Shewasunabletodislodgeher
self.Thefootstepsdrewnearer,nearer.Asthoughtheywere
trampingrightbyherears.Sheraisedherhe&dSchultze!He
seemedtobeswoopingdownatheroutofthesky.Theblack
Gestapocaponhisheadgiveshimanairofgrimfestiveness.He
aimstheblackpelletatthetipofhiscanedirectlyathereyes.
Thecanestretcheseverlonger,untilitisoutlandishlylong.
Schultzestandsattheotherendoftheoutstretchedcane.Hisface
iscruellystudious.Hedoesn'tsayaword.Juststretchesthecane
towardherface,searchingforagoodspotonwhichtosetthe
rubbertip.SheknowsSchultzeispreparingtoinflictahorrible
deathonher.Shestrainswithallhermightbutcannotmove.
Shescreamsbutthescreamsdon'tcomeoutofherthroat.The
tipofthecaneloomsnearer,larger.Hereyesareinafrozengape.
Shecan'tclampthemshut.Anymomentandthetipwillplunge
deepintothem.Itwillsuckoutthelastdropofherblood.
Schultze'sfaceiscruellystudious.Shereachesouttowrenchthe
caneaway.Butthecaneisungraspable.Likeair....It'suseless
tryingtosaveherself.Noonewillcometoherrescuehere.Her
screamsdon'tcomeoutofherthroat."I/youcantrunifIIbeall
overwithyou!..?SuddenlyshesawHarrystandingboundin
thewhitesilkenraincoatshehadrippedintheragroomthat
morning.TheGermansgrabholdofhimandforcehimtolook
andseewhatSchultzeisabouttodotoher.Harrycollapses.He
faints.Shestartedscreaming:"Harry!Harry!Harry!"
Afullmoonwasframedinthewindow.Everythingwascast
withacold,silverylight.Danielladidn'tknowwhereshewas.
Shefeltherneckclampedbetweenherownfingers.Shethought
shewasstilllyinginYablovawoods.Herscreamsstillrangin
herears.Hadshereallyscreamed?Shecouldn'tmakeoutthe
68
Center.Shedidn'trecognizetheroominwhichshelay.Apale
shaftolightreachedfromthemoondirectlyintohereyescold,
rigid,vampiric.LikeSchultze'soutstretchedcane.Herhands
wereclammy.Herbodywasdrenchedincoldsweat.Shewas
afraidtomove.Butwhenshesidledhereyesabouttheroom,she
sawtheOswiencimgirlreturningtoherbedwiththeblackman's
shoehuggedtoherheart.
Daniellawantedtocallouttothegirlandaskherishehad
heardhercriesforhelp.Buthermouthwouldn'topen.
Fromthebedsaroundherrosealoudsnoring.Theflowerson
HayimIdFsSpanishwallwerebathedinthefrigidlightofthe
moon.Thedreamnowunwoundbeforehereyeslikeasegment
oflifeembalmedinthedarkcelluloidofafilmreel.Thefilm
unwinds,andtheembalmedlifeiscondemnedoncemoretolive
alifeborrowedasthefrigidlightofthemoon.Thedreamed
springsatyoutopossessyouanewandwithinyouagainlivea
borrowedlife.
Themoonbeamcreptslowlyupthetilestove.Thewhite
tilesreturnedthemoonaluridglare.
Everythingnowseemedinescapable,pastallhope.Mutetears
ranfromhereyes.Shefeltlikeapariah,houndeddayandnight
Crushed,forlorn,withnoonetohelp.Therealitiesofdayareno
betterthanthenightmaresatnight
Sheheardthepatteroffootstepsonthecobblestonesinthe
yard.Shedidn'tknowwhattimeitwas.Itwasthenighttoward
Sundayableak,prospectiessSunday,anightoutterdespair.
Alunarnightwhiteandterrifyingascyanide;paleandhollow
asthevampiriclightofthemoon.Shesatupandstarteddress
ing.Everythinghappeningintheghettocouldnolongerbe
stoppedorundone.Onlythe"dot"duetoemergeSundayfrom
behindthebigmountaingnawedrelentlesslyattheheartand
glimmeredillusivelyinhermind,liketheillusorylightofthe
moon.Thethoughtthatshewouldsoonbestandinginthesoup
compoundwatchingthe"dot"approach,coiledaboutherheart
likeaviper,andcoursedintoherbloodstreamlikeitswhite
venom,
69
Shetriedtountangletheknottylacesofherhighsport
boots.ReeshaMeyerchikhadexactlythesameshoes.They
hadorderedthemtogetheratthesamestore.Whentheywere
fleeingfromYablovamarketshehadnoideaReeshawasshot.
Reeshakeptpacewithherastheyran,sometimesevengetting
aheadofher.Itwasonlywhentheygottothewoodsthatshe
noticedReesha'sbloodtrailingontheground.Therewasn'ta
singlehutintowhichshewaspermittedtobringtheshotgirl.
JustoneoldmantookpityonherandpointedtoIzzythetin
smith'sclosedworkshop:"BetteryellforhiminYiddish,"hesaid.
"Knockforhimtoopen.MaybetheGermanshaven'tkilledhim
yet."
Offinahiddencorneroftheworkshop,thetinsmithandhis
wifelayonthefloorbehindapileofscrapironandrustytin
sheets.HisfacealsolookedHkearustyscrapoftin.Heturnedto
hiswifeandsaid,"AJewishgirlisbleedingtodeathinYablova
woods..."Thewomangazedupatherhusband'sheadfrom
thefloor.Hereyescriedmuteprotestoverthefutilityofherlife
andherhusband'slifewhichhenowintendstothrowover.She
didnotanswer.*Tmgoing,"thetinsmithsaid.Shegazedupathis
headandsaidnothing.
Daniellaheardfootstepshurryingoverthecobblestonesdown
intheyard.Stecklmanjumpedthetrain.MaybeHarrydid,
too.Maybewhenshegoesouttothesoupcompoundasusual
she'llsuddenlyseehimcomingtoher.TheimageofHarry
swathedinwhitefloatedupbeforehereyes.Whatisthisthing
whichkeepscomingupinherdreams?Whatdoesitsignify?
Fromnowonshe'lldrawthecurtainonthewindowonmoonlit
nights.Dreams!Ohyoucold,vampiricnightmirrors,setover
againstourliveddayslikethemoonshineoppositethesun;
mirrorswhichsuckthepithfromtheseedsimplantedinourfate
andreflectitbackatusonanightofmoonshrewishasanold
hagagossipmonger;sobynightthedreamssoughintoour
earstheweavingrumorsofourdestiny,"It'salladream,"Harry
hadsaid.Washisdeportationtoalaborcampalsojustadream?
WillshereallysuddenlyhearDaddy'swhistlewakingherfor
school?Orisitjustthattheblindsofherroomarenotdrawn
70
now,andthat'swhythemoonisenmeshingherthiswayinits
silveryweb?
Shewentdowntothegate.
II
Nightwithdrewacrosstheskylikeafoefromconqueredland,
leavingruin,mourning,andcasualtiesinitswake.
Onebyonethepallidshadowsemergedfromthethreecourts
towardthegate.Shesawanddidn'tseethemcoming;thistime
shewasoneothem.Likethem,shecamedownherebecauseof
thecalamitywhichhaddrivenherfrombed.Thesamecalamity.
Thesamegrief.Theywillrunoutfrenziedly:maybetheycanstill
help.Andshewillrunoutlikethem:maybeHarrywillcome
fromthefields.Sheisnowstandingamongthem,oneofmany
andexactlylikethem.Shelooksatthemanddoesn'tseethem,
justastheylookatheranddon'tseeher.Sheknowsifscrazy:
Harryisn'tcoming!She'llneverseehimagain!Butshedoesn't
wanttobelieveit.Theothersalsoknowtheirrunningisuseless.
They'llneverseetheirlovedonesagain.It'salwaysthatway:
draggedfromthehouseinthedeadofnight,andneverseen
again.It'salwaysthatway,butnobodywantstobelieveit.
Themilitiamenhaven'tlookedinlatelytoseeiftheillegals
areallsleepingattheCenter.Themilitiamenarebusynights
haulingpeoplefromtheirbeds.Queerthattheyshouldstilllet
the"illegals"stayattheCenter.TUegals"!Thewordsoundslike
somediabolicjoke.Whoisn'tillegalnowadays?Thewholeghetto
islikeaburningshipfaratsea.Harrythe"legal,"the"secure"
onehasgonetohisdoom;shetheTHegaFisstillaround.
Whenafirebreaksoutinprison,thesecureones,thosewaiting
togofree,perish;thosecondemnedtodeathsavethemselves.
Todaytheyaredeportingworkersfrom"nonwaressentiaFfac
tories.Tilljustashortwhilebacktheseworkersfeltsosnugand
secure,andnowtheyareinthedeathcamps.Butshe,the
"illegal,"isstillpermittedtosleepinherbed,becauseshehasa
laborcardfromtheLaborCommissioner'sshoeshop.Deathisa
blindreaper.Nevermisses.It'sallthesametohimwhofallsfirst
71
andwhofallslater.Buttheheadsthatareleftoutsidehisswath
awhiletheyimaginedeathhasdeliberatelybypassedthem.
JustasZalkeputit:"Theghettoislikeasackfullofseeds,The
Germanreachesintothesacknowandthenandgrabshimselfa
fistfulAnyseedsthatslipbetweenhisfingers,getabitofare
prieve..."TheysayallisquietinKongressiaghettonow.The
ghettoissealedtightasanailedupcrate.Everybodyworksin
onebigshop.DaddyandMommyareprobablylivingwithalot
ofotherfamiliesinoneroom.Theirbedmustbeoffinacorner,
likeFella'sbedhere.AndMomwithayellowstaragainsthis
heart.MaybeDaddyhasalsofixedhimselfsomesortof"villa"
likeHayimIdl's,andtheylivethereinaprivatecorneroftheir
own.Daddyalwayslikedtohavehisshavingkitreadyinthebath
roomonthebluemarbleshelfunderthemirror.Wheredoeshe
keepitnow?Ifhehasawindow,heprobablyputsitonthesill.
ThereisnowindowinHayimIdTs"villa."WonderwhyHayim
Idldidn'tputuphis"villa"inthecornerbythefireplace.Then
his"villa"wouldalsohaveawindow.
Thecobblestonesinthefirstcourtglistenasthoughfreshly
scrubbed.Musthaverainedduringthenight.Howcomeshe
didn'tnoticedaybreaking?Shehadbeensittingtherewideawake
lookingatthewindowallthetime.Rightherethemanwiththe
JUDEbrandedonhisbrowhadlain.TheJudenratdeportedShla
mektogetherwithhismother,becausebothwerelivingoffthe
soupkitchen.GoodthingShlamekwentwithhismother.Hellbe
abletotakecareofher,there.Thewomanhadbeenverysickto
wardtheend.IfsheherselfhadbeendeportedwithHarry,she'd
havegonegladly.Harryhadlookedverybadlately.Ifsheknew
wherehewas,she'dvolunteertogothereonthenexttransport
Mrs.Hellerisalreadyonguardovertheremainderofherbookcase.
Alldaylongshe'satthewindow,watchingtheremnantsofthe
casebythefence.Thedoorswerestolenofflongago,butfrom
within,thememoryofhertwosonsstillglimmersather.
InacornerofthethirdcourtisVevke'sramshacklehovel.From
herethehovelresemblesahenroostinguponaladderinthe
dark.Beforethewarthejanitorhadputittogetherfromsome
72
brokenplanks,foratoolshed.Theplacewasn'tmeantformore
thanthat
Howdidshegethere?Shedidn'tevenfeelherfeettakingher.
Whyhasshecomehere?Therisingmorningcontemplatedthe
miserableplanksofthehovelandthesaggingroof,theway,
intheghettoafteranAktion,theycontemplateanabandoned
childwhomtheGermanshaveforgottentoincludeonthetrans
portwithherparents.Shefeltsotired.Shewasstandingneara
pileofrefuseandscrapthathadbeenclearedoutofthehouses
tomakeroomforthepeople.Shesatdownontheedgeofa
brokenstoveuseless,discarded.Suddenly,shealsofeltlikea
pieceofuseless,unwantedscrapthrownouttothegarbage.
Everythingaroundher,useless:thenewdaycoiningup?thesky,
theearthallmeaningless,futile.Junkthrownouttothegarbage.
Ayearningseizedher.Anincoherentyearning.Shedidn'tknow
forwhat,whom.Shewasterriblylonely.Shewantedthedoorof
thehoveltoopen,someonetocomeoutofthere,takeherinside.
Shesowantedsomeone'sbreasttocryon,tofeelthenearnessof
ahumanbeing.Ahumanbeing.Toseeawarmlookinhuman
eyes.Whyisshegoingtothefieldsnow?Harrywon'tbecoming.
Thepainofhisnotcoiningfrightenedher.Shewantedforsome
onedevotedandunderstandingnottolethergotothefields,to
holdherback.It'sallsohopeless.Shewantedforsomeoneto
consoleher,andshewantedtohavethefeelingofrefusingtobe
consoled.
Thattime,whenTedekwasdeported,shedidn'tfeelthisway.
Shefirstseesitnow.ButVevkemusthavefeltthenthewayshe
feelsnow.Andsheneverhadthethoughtfulnessevenonceto
cometoVevkeandsharehisgrief.Tedek'sfamilyprobablyhastft
forgivenherthis.SheknowstheyblameherforTedek'sgoingout
oftheghetto.Howcansheexpectthemtofeelsorryforhernow?
Whydidn'tsheevercomeherebeforeatdawntositonthistrash
heap?WhyonlynowthatHarryhasbeendeported?
Inarottingbaby'sshoelyingonthegroundbyherfeet,atall
greenbladeofgrasspushedthrougharentinthesole.Therising
sungildedthedewdropsontheleafandtheyglitteredlikejewels.
73
Hurryingfootstepssoundedfromthestreet.Shestartedup.
Shewenttothegate.Alreadytherewasnoonethere.
Ill
Thesoupkitchencompoundwasdeserted.Thelittlesoupwin
dowwasboardedup.Therewasnosignthatsouphadever
beendistributedhere.Notatracewasleftofthepeoplewhohad
oncepartakenofthesouphere.Butthehousewasstillcalled
"JudenratFreeSoupKitchen."
Lonelyandforlornshestoodattheedgeofthecompound.
EverycornerhereremindedherofHarry.Theairwasfullofthe
memoryofhim.ButtherewasnomoreHarry.Shehadnoidea
whatGermanlaborcampwas;thatnooneknew.Buteveryone
didknowwhatGermanswere.MaybeatthisverymomentHarry
isstandingsomewhereworkingtillhecollapses.Shecouldnot
endurethethought,buttherewasnoescapingit.
Thefieldswereempty;themountain,muteanddesolate.A
gnawingyearningrippledacrossthefieldsfromthemountainto
herheart,fromherhearttothemountain.SheknewHarrywould
notbecominganymore.Buthereyesdidnotgiveupwatching:
anymomentnow,anyinstant,andalittledotwillappearthere...
ThousandtimesamomentshefeltthetinglingofHarry'scoming,
andthousandtimesamomentthedisappointmentofhisnot
comingtwingedinherheart.
Shecouldn'tbeartostandintheemptycompoundanymore.
Anirresistibleforcedrewhertotheoppositesideofthemountain,
fromwhereHarryusedtocomeandfromwherehewouldnever
comeagain.Shecouldnolongercontainthestormwithinher.
Shestartedtorun.
IV
Shedidnotseethemountain.Theclosershegottoitthemore
itmeltedbeforehereyes.JewQuarter3graduallydisappeared
behindher.AtcloserangeeverythingherelookeddifferentThe
sunpoureditsyellowlightintothejaundicedcrevicesofthe
74
jaggedmountainslope.Manyfootwornpathswoundhere.Every
granuleosandbreathedtheintimacyofHarry'sfootsteps.She
feltthefootsteps.Shecouldtouchthemwithherhands.
AcrossthefieldsthefirsthovelsofJewQuarter1begantoap
pear.Ontheleftstretchedtherailroadtracks.Theygleamedin
thesunlikesilverystripesondarkclothintheragroom.Far,far
offalonelocomotive,bigasatoy,smokedneartwotrees.
Shewasrunning.
Allthistime,shehadmanagedonlytwicetogettoHarry's
home.WhenAbramthetraderhadgoodcustomersanditpaid
himtobribethemilitiasecretaryforaonetriptransitpassfor
Daniella,soshecouldsmugglehisgoodsacrosstoJewQuarter1
underherwideraincoatDaniellajumpedatthechance,notfor
themoney,butforthefewminutesshewouldbeabletospend
atHarry's.
AsDaniellanowopenedthedoortoHarry'sroom,everything
suddenlyseemedstrange,unrecognizable,asifshehadstumbled
intoawrongaddress.ShesawFerber'seyesraisedtowardher
fromwherehewassitting.Hecametowardhertothedoor,and
withoutawordtookherbythearm,ledhertothechair,theway
youleadapersonwhoseemsabouttofaintHesatherdown.Her
arrivalherenowseemedselfexplanatory.
Amournfulstillnesshungintheroom.Sanyawassittingona
woodencot,facingHarry'semptybed.Therewasnospreadon
thebed.Itwasmadeup,asthoughawaitinghisreturnfromthe
nightshiftAwhiteemptinessshowedfrombeyondtheback
foldedcorneroftheblanketSanyasatfacingtheemptywhiteness
anddidnottakehereyesoffit
Theroomwasbare.Thefurniturewasallgone.Thecupboard,
thebedseverythinghadbeensoldforbread.Stark,stripped
walls.Justaricketylittletableinthecornerandanoldironstove
withabrokenoffpipe.Onalongnailprotrudingfromthedoor
posthungHarry'scoat,thecoatinwhichheusedtocometoher.
OverthecoathunghishatHehadapparentlygonetowork
withouthatandcoat,andhatiessandcoatiesswastakenaway.
ShewantedtorunuptothecoatandhugitAsleevehungfrom
theshoulderfull,round,alive.Theendofthesleevewaslimp,
75
empty.ButitstillseemedtohershecouldseeHarry'swhitehand
there.Shewantedtorunoverandgraspthesleevelikealive
hand.Harry...Harry...ButSanya'srigidshoulders,her
stonygazerootedtotheemptybed,frozehertothespot.
ItwasalmostaweekthatHarrywasgone,andtheroomstill
seemedasthoughadeadbodywerelyingontheground,thesoul
flittingintoallthecorners,restingoneveryobject.Themelan
choly,broodingstillnesslingeredintheroomasthoughthepain
wereheretostayforalleternity.Sanyawasdressedinherblue
overalls,herhairtidilycombedback,butherfacewaslikeawax
enmask.
...shecouldneverhavepicturedSanyalookinglikethis.God
knowswhatshe'sdecidedtodotoherself.Thatmomentshefor
gotthatsheherselfhadstoodatthedooroftheshoeshopattic.
ThelifelessexpressiononSanya'sfacemadeherforgetabout
herself.NowinHarry'sroom,itsuddenlystruckherforthefirst
time:Maybethedeporteesaren'tkilledafterall...Whatwill
happenwhenHarrycomeshomeandhearswhathappenedto
Sanya?Vevke,too,keepsinsistingthatTedekwillcomeback.
WholltakecareofSanyanow?
Ferbersatimmersedinthought,hiseyesfixedontheground,
notsayingaword.MaybeheandSanyawerediscussingsome
thingbeforeshecame,buthersuddenappearancerevivedthe
memoryofHarryandstirredupthepaininallitsintensity.Now
Ferberwassilent,likeonewhocanfindnowordofcondolence
forthebereavedwhosedeceasedstillliesbeforehim.
Theacheofsmotheredtearsnowweptfromthedepletedwalls.
HeavysorrowdrapedSanya'sshoulders.Howlongisitsincethe
wholefamilysataroundthetableinKongressia?Thewholehouse
usedtoringwithSanya'sgaylaughter.InthenextAktionthey're
liabletodeporther,thewayithappenstoallwivesofdeported
men.WholllookafterSanyanow?Whowilltakecareofher?
Sanyagotup.Shewentovertothewindow.Theblindswere
drawnalltheway.Allthehousewarenowlaythere.Sheunrolled
awhitenapkin.Insidewerewrappedhalfabreadandaknife.
ShespreadthenapkinonthetablebeforeDaniella,andsaid:
"Eat,Dani~"
76
Danieilaraisedhereyestoher."Eat,Dani..?Shecould
nolongerholdback.JustthewayHarryhadspokentoher*She
threwherarmsaroundSanya'swaistandburstintobittercrying.
Sanyastoodmotionless.ShejustpressedDaniella'sheadtoher
belly.Theweepingintensified.Itseemedtobecomingoutof
Sanya'sbelly.Itwasamutualweepingoveroneandthesame
personwhomboth,eachinherownway,lovedmorethanallelse
intheworld.
Sanyastoodmotionless.
"Harrywillcomeback,Sanya,Thewarwillend..?
SanyaraisedDanieHa'sheadtoherwithbothhands.They
wereinclingingembraceDanieilasitting,Sanyastanding.Out
ofDaniella'seyesHarry'sblueglancelookedupather.Notjust
theeyes;allofDaniella'sfacenowevokedHarry:thesamechis
eledmouth,thesametwinwhiterowsofteeth,theidentical
shadowbetweenthelowerlipandchin.
"Harrywillsoonbecominghome,"Sanyasaidsoftly.
"Youmeanit,Sanya?"Danieilastartedup."Youreallymeanit?"
"I'vehadapromise.Tmwaiting."
"IstherereallyachancethatHarrywillbecoiningbackbefore
theendofthewar?You'renotjustsayingittomakemefeelbet
ter?Whopromised?"
Sanyatriedtoevadethequestion.Shewentonlookinginto
Daniella'sblueeyes.Herlipswhispered,"Everythingispossible,
mybaby.Everythingispossible.IfHarrydoesn'tcometome,
mcometohim."
ThesuddenquiverofDaniella'sbodybetweenherhandsjolted
Sanyaasoutofatrance.Thewordsshehadjustutteredsuddenly
reachedherears.Shewishedshecouldunsaythem.Ferberalso
lookedupfromthefloor.Sanyatoreherselfaway,smoothedthe
wrinklednapkinonthetableandpickedupaglasstobringDan
ieilasometea.
"Whichwaydidyoucome,Daniella?"sheasked.
"SamewayHarryusedtocometomeeverySunday."
"Harryneverwentwithoutatransitpassforged,butstilla
slipofpapertoshow!Whydoyoutakesuchrisks?Aren'tthings
badenough?"DeepanguishfurrowedSanya'sface.
77
Ferberinterjected,"Therisksaren'talwaysexactlywherepeo
plethinktheyare.Harrywasn'tcaughtcrossingfromoneJew
Quartertotheother/*
Sanyawaswalkingtowardthedoorwiththeglassinherhand.
ShemeanttogotoaneighbortogetDanielladietea.Buthear
ingFerber'scausticremark,shestoppedshort,facingthedoor.
Shesaid,"Youdon'tmeantosuggest,doyou,thatDaniellashould
beroamingamongtheJewQuarterswithoutapieceofpaper."
"Imeantosuggest/'FerberraisedhisheadtoSanya'sback,
"tibiatDaniellashouldjointheKibbutz.*AbigAktionisbrewing
intheghetto,andifI'mnotmistakenit'sgoingtobeagirls*Ak
tion/'
"Ferber!"Sanyawheeledaround."DaniellaworksintheLabor
Commissioner'sshoeshop.Whatcouldbesafer?Layoff,Ferber,
layoff!"
Sanyawentouttothecorridor.Ferberloweredhisheadagain,
wentbacktostaringatthefloor,saidnomore.
Daniellasuddenlyfeltlikesomeoneeavesdroppingonacon
versationaboutherself.TheexchangebetweenFerberandSanya,
particularlythetoneinwhichthewordswerespoken,seemedto
herlikeacontinuation,almostaplaybackofastormydebate
whichhadbeenragingbeforeshegothereandhadbeenmomen
tarilyinterruptedonlybecauseofherarrival.
Danielladidn'tknowtoomuchaboutthe"Kibbutz."Whatshe
didknowwasthatthiswasahushhushwordintheghetto.She
alsoknewthatTedekhadbelongedtothe"Kibbutz"andthat
afterhisbrotherMenashewaskilledintheSlavicWoods,Tedek
neveragainsomuchasmentionedtheword.Andsheknewthat
manywhohavenolaborcardaremembersofthe"Kibbutz"and
thattheseboysandgirlshadlettheJudenratknowthatthey
wouldresistwitharmsanyattempttotransportthem:"Wellget
inourshotsattheGermansandthewholeghettowillgoupin
flames,Judenratandall!"Andasthegrapevinehasit,Monyek
Matroz,headoftheJudenrat,isafraidofthiswarningandreck
onswithit.
Sanyareturnedtotheroomwithaglassofsteamingteainher
*Kibbutz:Hebrewtermforcommiraalsettlement.
78
hand.SlieurgedDaniellatoeatandfoarrybacktoherquarter,
becausenoontimeisbestforsneakingoverfromoneJewQuarter
totheother.
WhenDaniellastoodbythedoorreadytoleave,Ferberpulled
aforgedtransitpassoutofhispocketsomethingtoshow,justin
caseandwithoutawordhandedittoher.
79
Chapter7
AttheCentereverybodywasalreadyasleep.Afteraback
breakingworkdayonecollapsesintobedintheeveningtheway,
intheGestapotorturecellar,onefallsintothereleasingarmsof
swoon.Sleepisbutabriefrespiteduringanunceasingsiegeof
pain.Hardlydoesonemanagetogetone'seyesshutthannight
isoverandonehastodashofftotheshopagain.
Suddenly
Abatteringatthehousegate...
Intheghetto,whenthereisaknockingatthegateatnight,it
reverberatesintheheartasthoughathousandalarmbellswere
heavinginsideyou.Foritisdeathnowknockingatthegate.And
whoknowswhosesoulhehascomeforthistime?
Fellaiscomposedasever.Sheplacidlyopenshereyes,looks
around.Onthebedsrightandleftsitupsprungnakedshoulders,
terrifiedheads.Fellashutshereyesagainandsnugglesupinthe
blanketasifalltibiswerenoneofherconcern.Shehasagood
SpecialCardfromthechiefoftheJudenratMilitia.Shecango
rightbacktosleep.It'snotthelikesofherthey'reafter.
HannaandTzivia,thetwoChebinsisters,sittremblingontheir
beds.Thedangerhasstruckatthemoutoftheirsleepandiscoil
ingitselfabouttheirdrowsy,halfnakedbodieswithawellknown
yet"unfamiliarterror.True,theyalsohavelaborcards,butnot
froma"waressential"factory.Isn'titforthemthatthey'renow
poundingatthegate?
80
HayimIdlinMswhiteunionsuitscurriesfromwindowtowin
dow,peepsoutnowaroundthecoinerofthiswindow,nowaround
thecorneroftheotherwindow.Hedoesn'tknow,andcan'tmake
uphismind,whethertowakethebabyfirstortostowheraway
someplacewhileshe'sstillasleep.Meanwhile,thesecondsflash
byandtheminutessharpenlikeknivesbeforetheeyes*Running
feetontheyardcobblestonesblareintohisears:"Someonehas
alreadygonetoopenthegate!"Thenewsspreadsthroughouthis
wholebeing.Thehairrootspricktheskulllikehotneedles.The
skintightensandstiffens.Deathisbreathingdownonit
It'snotabouthimselfandhiswifethatHayimIdlisterrified.
Theybothworkintheshoeshop.Buttheheartconvulses:What
ifthisisachildren'sAktion?
Atthemerethoughtthatthey'reliabletotakethebabyaway
fromhim,thewhitesofhiseyesbulgefromtheirsockets.Heshut
tlesbackandforthbetweenthewallsanddoesn'tknowwhereto
run,whattodo.Everyminutecounts.Theheadisabouttoburst.
Fearrapidlytossesideaafteridea,planafterplanintothemind,
pilesthemuplikeagrowingscrapheap:Wheretorun?Whatto
donext?Whattodonow?Sohescurriesfromwindowtowindow,
fromcornertocorner,anddoesn'tdoathing.
HiswifeDvortche,whohaslatelystoppedhearingaltogether,
evenwhenbeingshoutedintotheear,seems,however,tohave
heardtheknockingatthegate.Fortheknockingatthegateinthe
deadofnightisheardnotintheears,butintheheart,withthe
bottomdropofbloodintheveins.Soshebeganpullingoutall
theforbiddengoodsconcealedinthechesttablethesheetsof
felt,thehatbands,thehatsandhurledthemallpellmelltothe
floor.LettheGermanstakeitallfromhernow!Letthempunish
herforit!Shescoopsupthesleepinginfant,hugsittoherheart:
Onlydon'tletitwakeup...notletoutasoundlShebendsover
theopenchest,layssweetlittleBellacarefullyontheleftoverfelt
pieces.Shestandsbentoverthechest,asthoughsheweregin
gerlylayingherownheartthere.Veryslowlysheclosesthe
chest,spreadsatableclothoveritsoitshouldagainlooklikea
table.Shedoesn'ttalk;justsways.Lipssealed,clenchedand
sways.,,
81
HayimIdlisinadither.HelooksonatMswife'sactionsand
doesn'tknowhowhecanhelpher.Hiskneesquake.Withacon
vulsivefootheshovesthethrownoutfeltslyingonthefloorinto
acorner,asthoughhedidn'ttrusthisownbodytobendwithout
keelingover.Hislowerjawtwitches,spitsoutwordsasifhehad
justchewedthem:"...last...goods...letit...letit
...ransom...takeit,God...notmybaby..."
Daniellaissittingonherbed.Herheadisfullandempty.She
looksaboutwithpetrifiedeyes:thebedoftheOswiencimgirlis
empty!...JustbeforenightcurfewsheslippedoutoftheCen
ter.Nooneevennoticedthatshehadn'tcomeback.Theemptiness
ofherbedintensifiesthefear.ThelitcandleinHayimIdFs"villa"
gleamsinthewindowwithblack,uncannynightEachblowat
thegatecomesrunninguptothefootofeverybedlikeaherald
cometoannouncetheimminentarrivalofagruesomemaster.
Daniellaclenchesherteethtostopthemfromchattering,but
shehasnoreasontobeafraid!Shehasalaborcardfromthe
LaborCommissioner'sownshoeshop!AndVevkewon'tleave
herinthelurch!Still,feariscontagious,andchatteringteeth
won'tbecalmedbylogicwhenthereispoundingattheghetto
gateinthedeadofnight.
OnthebedoppositeDaniellathetwoChebinsisterssithuddled
upagainsteachother,liketwohensoutinasnowstorm,silent
andshivering.
Boots.TerrifyingGermanbootsstompingupthestairs.As
thoughtheirhobnailsweretreadingonthenakedflesh.Thedoor
isbeingstormed.HayimIdl'slookrollsoutofhisgapingeye
sockets,brushesoverthenarrowbeds,andstopsdeadontheemp
tybedoftheOswiencimgirl.Thedoorstrainsinward.Everyone
isnumb,paralyzedwithfear.Neverhavethetwodoorhalves
archedinthisway,asiftryingdesperatelytorecoilfromthe
Germanvoicesragingatthem.Anothermomentandthedoor
halveswillburstopen.HayimIdl'sfeettearthemselvesfree.He
runstoopenthedoor.
Gestapo!JustbehindfhembluewhitecapsofJudenratMilitia.
TheGestapomanisholdingalistinhishands.Odd,deathhas
ordinaryhands,white,humanhands
82
TheGestapomanreadsnamesfromthelist:Fella,theChebin
sisters,theOswiencimgirl,Daniella...
"Onthedouble!Dress!Snapitup!..*
FellawhipstheSpecialCardoutofhercoatandhandsitto
themilitiaman;Mustbesomemistakehowdidhernamegeton
suchalist?
"Here'smySpecialCard,signedandsealedbythemilitiachief,*'
shestatescoolly,confidently.
TheGestapomansnatchesthecard,ripsittoshredsandthrows
theminFella'sface.
"Snapto!Move!Quicker!"
...no!Shewon'tshowherlaborcardnow,Daniellaquickly
decides.TheGestapomanisliabletotearitupwithoutevenlook
ingatit.Howwillsheproveafterwardsthatshereallyworksin
theshoeshop?No,shemustn'tletgoofherlaborcard.Herwhole
lifenowdependsonthisyellowpieceofpaperwiththeredswas
tikastamp.She'llshowitatmilitiaheadquarters.Bettergoalong
withtheothersnow.Butthekneestrembleso.Butwhydothe
kneestrembleso?TheGestapomaniswatching.Betterhurryup
anddress.Thefingersdon'tholdontotheclothes.MaybeVevke
willcometomorrowmorningtogetheroutofthemilitia.After
allshehastoshowupforwork
"Move!Move!Onthedouble!"
TheGestapomangaveHarmaaproddingkickwithhisboot.
Hannawantedtotakealongherprayerbook.HersisterTzivia
can'tcontainherselfanymore.TheGestapoman'sroarcontracts
herbowels.Thecongestedfearinherstomachburstsoutina
streamoffeces.
"Filthyshitbagsr
NowofalltimesDaniellajustcan'tseemtogetherotherfoot
intotheshoe.Thelacesofthehighsportbootareallknottedup.
Whenshewenttobedlastnight,shepusheditoffherfootwith
outunlacingitShewastiredandwasgoingtotakecareofitin
themorning,beforeleavingforwork.Thepistolgleamsblack
intheGestapoman'swhitehand.Ifherfingertipsdon'tstoptrem
bling,she'llhavetogowithonebarefoot.Afterall,sheworks
intheshoeshop.Whyisshesofrightened?CalmCalmShe
83
mustn'tloseherheadandforgettotakealongthingsshemight
needontheway.Actuallyshedoesn'thaveanything.Ontopof
thehightilestovearethreefillednotebooksofherdiary,and
intheslotbetweenthecoolingboxandthewallisthelastnote
book.That'sallshehas.IfHayimIdlcouldonlyrundownnow
andtellVevkethey'vecometotakehertothelaborcamp,maybe
Vevkecoulddosomething.Afterall,Vevkeistheshoeshopboss
"Move!Quick!Scum!"
Andthe"scum"fourJewishgirlscrowdedtopushoutthe
opendoor.
HayimIdlstandsflattenedagainstthewall.Hiswhiteunder
wearblendswiththepalenessofthewall.Hisfaceisyellow.His
headlookslikeawaxworkheadsomeonehadhungonthewall.
TheheadstaresgoggleeyedattheblackbackoftheGestapoman
pluggingthewholedoorway:Deathhasskippedhim.Seemshe's
stillalive.
Asshewentout,DanaellathrewtowardHayimIdl'spetrified
head,"TellVevke..."
Dvortchearchedbackoverthechest,asthoughwishingto
blockherbaby'shidingplacefromview.Sheisreadyforany
thingnow.Anything.Overherdeadbodywilltheytakethechild
fromher.Withinhercrouchedarousedmotherbeast,butfrom
withoutshelookedlikealengthofwhitefeltsomeonehadhastily
flungontothechest,itsendtrailingdowntothefloor.
Outside,ablackghettonightreceivedthem,tooktheminto
coldarmsandledthemoff.
Where?
AnoddfearmingledwithcuriosityseizedDaniellatheeternal
curiositytofindoutwhatit'slikeontheothersideofone'slife
andone'sfearwhilebeingledthere.
Thetremorofaqueertravelfevernowthrobbeddeepinher
subconscious.Anechoofsomethingwasplayingbackinher
heart...somethingfamiliar...somethingshehadfeltbe
fore...thetimeshewasgettingreadyforthefirstexcursion
inherlife...
Whereisthatschoolexcursionnowtakingher?
84
II
Outside,nightblottedoutthedarkghettohovels.Hugesearch
lightswerepostedonthemainstreetfortheoccasionoftonight's
AMon.Theirbeamsstabbedintotheghettolikeblazingspears,
spotlightingthefear.Fromsidestreetsemergedblaclcshadows
ofGestapomenwithmachineguns,leadingcowering,trembling
girlsjustdraggedoutoftheirbeds.Thegirlshadnothidden.
Theyhadfeltimmune.Why,theyallhavegenuinelaborcards
exemptingthemfromlaborcamp.
TheshouldersofthetwoChebinsistersareoddlyslouched.
Theywalkahead,withshort,rapidsteps,asthoughwantingto
provetheirobedience:They'vebeenorderedtogoandlook,
they'regoing.FellaandDaniellaquickentheirsteps,soasnotto
lag.TheGestapoman,pistolinhand,sullenlywalksbehindthem.
FromaUsidesGermansandmilitiamenbark:"Stepitup!Onthe
double!"Hedoesn'tgetachancetoyellatthem.
MonyekMatroz,headoftheJudenrat,comesdashingoutof
adarkalley,accompaniedbyacortegeofseniorJudenratofficials
andmilitiaofficers.Hedashesoutofthedarkness,lookingvery
preoccupied,vanishesoncemoreintothedarkness,andemerges
again.Itlooksasthoughhewereconsortingwiththenightand
werewhisperingtoherinthedark.Alongwhitesheetflashesin
hishands:NotagirlisgoingtogetoutofhislisttonightNone
otherthanhe,theheadmanoftheJudenrat,isrunningthisAk
tion.Themainstreetgraduallyfillswithbatchesofgirls.Here
andthereagateopensandthedarkghettohoveldischargesa
freshvictim,escortedbyGestapoandmilitia.
Ferberhadsaid,**AmajorAktionisbrewing.IfI'mnotmis
takenitllbeagirls'Aktionthistime."
Nowit'sdear:thisisagirls'mghtAktion.
"ButDaniellaworksattheLaborCommissioner'sshoeshopr
Sanyahadanswered."Whatcanbesaferthanthat?3*
Howareyoutoknowintheghettowhichisthelightway?
...shehasalreadybeenledthroughthesesamedarkstreets.
Thatwasthenightshegothere,whenVevkesavedherfromthe
transport.Nowshe'sagainbeingledatnightthroughthosedark
85
streets.Butthistimeaway.Where?Where?Whatsortofplace
areallthesepeoplebeingledto?Whatdotheydotothemthere?
Why,thisisatransport!She'sbeingtakenawaytoatransport
now!WillVevkebeabletosaveherthistime,too?Fella,always
sococksure,isalsostragglingalonglikealostsheep.Analto
getherdifferentFella,Notlikeheratall.MaybeVevkewillhurry
andputinawordforher.Tellthemthatshewasagoodworker
intheshop.Nevermissedadayeither.Theycanseeforthem
selves,intherollbooks.MainthingisthatHayimIdlshould
hurryandtellVevke.Judgingbyhisface,hedidn'tlookasifhe
evenunderstoodwhatshesaid.
Militiameninbluewhitecapsmarchoneithersideofthem.
Newvictimsaxeconstantlybeingbroughtoutobystreets.They
aremarchedoverthesidewalks;middleothestreet;singlyand
ingroups.Thenightwindsitselfaboutthemandleadsthemoff
tothemysteriousunknown.Thebluewhitecapsonthemilitia
men'sheadsphosphoresceinthedistance,undertheyellow
searchlightbeams,liketheeyewhitesofcaperingdemonsatthe
headofamutenightprocession.
Ill
Themilitiacompoundwasfencedinonallsides,packedfull
ofcapturedgirls.JewMilitiamenwerepostedatallexits.
Everybodywashere.Fromthewealthiestgirlstothepoorest;
thosewhohadslavedintheshops,andthosewhohadfixedthem
selvesfakedlaborcardsformoney.Theprettiestgirlsoftheghet
tohavebeenroutedfromtheirbedstonightandherdedintothe
militiacompound.Manyofthemaresurethatfirstthingtomor
rowtheywillbetakenoutofhereeitherthroughpullorfora
ransom.It'shappenedtothembefore.Otherswringtheirhands
desperately.Somesobloudly,withtears,andsomewhimper,dry
eyed.Thefearoftheunknownmakesyoushiver,asthoughsinis
tereyeswereblazingatyououtofthedark.Notaface,notafig
ure,justsinistereyes.
Fellawasmakingaquickroundofthegates,tryingtogetinto
86
conversationwithoneofthemilitiamenpostedatthelocked
exits.They'realllierbuddiesfromwayback.Maybethey'lllether
inonsomething.Butnowtheywereallgivingherthebrushoff:
There'snotathingtheycando,theyreplyfurtively.They'renot
evensupposedtobetalkingtoher.Doesn'tsheseethatthebig
bosshimselfisrunningtheshow?It'shewhomadeuptheroster
forthisAktion.Everymilitiamanhastoanswerforthe"heads'*
he'dbeenassignedtoroundup.Maybelater,attheDulag,when
theGermansclearout,ifthere'sanysurplus,whythenofcourse
Fellaknowsshe'llbethefirstoneletoff.Butnow,notachancein
theworld.Monyekisholdingontotheroster.
Thecompoundbecomesfullerandfuller.Theykeepbringing
inthegirls.Whoknowsifthelaborcardswillbeanygoodthis
time?Almosteverybodyherehasone.Otherwise,theywouldn't
havespentthenightathome.Anyonewhodoesn'thaveacard
Justdoesn'tsleepinherbedatnight.Nowitallcomesout:it's
thosewhohidewhoarethesmartonestheydon'thavetowork
intheGermanshops;comesanAktionandthey'renotfound;and
whentheyneedgirlsforthelaborcamps,theyautomaticallydrag
outofbedthosewhofeelsafebecausetheyareworkingforthe
Germanarmy.
Thethoughtthattomorrowshe'sbeingsentawayonthetrans
portbeginstogrowonDaniella.ThoughwhenHarrywasde
portedshestoppedcaringaboutwhatmighthappentoher,now
sheissuddenlyterrifiedatthemerethoughtFunny,Here,inthe
militiacompound,yousuddenlygethomesickfortheshoeshop,
forthepileofoldclothes,forlittleBellacrawlingonallfoursin
andoutofHayimIdl's"villa."Youmisstheghettomiserywhich
you'dalreadygrownusedto;thericketybedyou'veleftbehind,
empty,attheCenter.Allatonceeverythingseemssoterribly
near,sointimate.
VevkemusthaverusheduptotheCenterandisnowpacing
helplesslyamongthevacantbeds.There'snotathinghecando
now.Hecan'tgooutwhilecurfewison.Firstthingtomorrow
hellprobablywaitthereinthecorridorontenterhooksforcurfew
toend,soliecanrush,outtointerveneforher.Doubtitwilldo
anygood.
87
IV
Thegirlswerelinedup,sixabreast.Theyaretobeledoutof
theghetto.OnthemainstreetoftheAryanquarterthetrolleys
arewaitingtotakethemtotheDulag.
Thefacesofthegirlswhobutamomentagofeltsosureof
themselvessuddenlyfell.FromtheDulaghardlyanyoneever
getsback.TheDulagisthelaststopoverbetweentheghettoand
mysteriousdeath.
Countlessfilesofgirls,rankssixabreast,movethroughthe
deadofnight,cordonedbybluewhitecapsandcockedGestapo
machinegunsreadytoshootifafootshouldslipoutofline.The
lastghettohovelspeeratthemwithdimmedwindows.Behind
thewindowshideheadsofdearones,afraidtolookoutasthey
leadofftheirsisters,theirdaughters.
Thetrolleysareready.APolishconductorstandsbyateach
throttle.Theirwholebearingbespeaksindifference.Evidently,
theyareusedtosuchmidnightjaunts.Theirfacesaredull,im
passive.Hardtotellwhatthey'rethinking.Maybetheyarewon
deringhowthere'sroomforsuchaslueofpeopleinthecramped
ghetto.Dayandnightthey'retakingthesepeopletotheDulag,
andtheJewishghettothereneverrunsdry.Ormaybetheyare
annoyed:becauseofthesedamnedJewstheyhavetodrive
trolleysnow,inthemiddleofthenight.IfnotfortheJews,they
couldbeathomepeacefullyasleepwithwifeandkids.
Thetrolleysarejammedwithgirls.Girlsstandingonthefloor,
onthebenches,pressedintoeachother.Impossibletopullouta
hand.Thestrapsfromtheceilingswayempty,toandfro,toand
fro.Militiamenguardthesealedcardoors.Eachisresponsiblefor
the"heads"inthecar.AfterafewstopsDreiser'stailorshop
workershopontothetrolleyplatforms.Theyareonthewayhome
fromthefirstnightshift.Terrorshowsintheireyes:
Agirls9Aktion!
Cominghomethey'reliabletofindthatasisteroftheirsisal
readyattheDulag.Theheartisinafunk.Theycan'twaittostep
intothehouse,yetfearwantstoputoffthemomentofcoming
88
facetofacewiththecalamityathome.Thefacesofthecrammed
girlsinsidethecarsblur.Theretainingworkerslookatthegirls
butdonotseethem.Beforetheeyeshoversthefaceofasister.
ThroughthedoorpanesthegirlslookoutattheJewsnowrid
inghome,thewaythosesentencedtohangingintheghettolook
atthebystandingJewswhomtheGestapohadorderedtocome
andwitnesstheirexecution.
Atthesealeddoorofthetrolleystands"13."AHamburg
bornJewMilitiaman,whosenicknamealonespellsterrorin
theghetto."13"!Hehasthenumber13onhisbluewhitecap.
HeisthecrownandgloryoftheJewMilitia.Theyknowhim
evenatGestapoHeadquarters.It'scommonknowledge:once
"Iff*hasbeenorderedtoturninaThead,"theorderwillbe
carriedouttoa*VwithGermanpunctiliousness.Hespeakspure
GestapoGermanese,andrevelsinit.Hehimselfisarefugeefrom
Germany.Hishairiscropped,trueGermanstyle.Hewearsa
brownleatherjacketandhighofficers*boots.Hisfaceisbloated,
rubicund,andhiseyesareblearyandbloodshotfromconstant
bibbing.WhenevertheJudenrathastofindaJewmarkedby
theGestapoforhanging,leaveitto"13"tofindhim,nomat
terhowwellhehidesoutNow"13"isinchargeofthesealed
trolley.SeemstheGestapoistakingspecialcarewiththistrans
port:thejobwasassignedtoTL3."Hestandscloseuponone
ofthegirls,maneuverstoembraceher,pusheshisbeeryredface
atherandpresseshisbodyupagainsther.Thegirltriestobreak
loosefromhim.Shewantstosqueezebackintothethickpressed
massbutcannotShecan'tevenavertherfacefromhim.And
"13"talksdirectlyintothefearinhereyesinhispureGermanese:
"Passmahlauf!*Ifyouknewwhereyou'rebeingtakennow,
youwouldn'tbesohoitytoity."
"13Vdrunkenfacechortles.Hepressesthegirlcloser,bends
hiswholebodyoverherandhurlsthewordsintoher:
"Germansoldierswillteachyoutopushoffmen'sembracing
arms.Passmahlauf,mykitten!"
Thedanglingstrapsswayedemptyfromtheceiling,toandfro,
*Passmahlauf:watchit
59
toandfro.Daniellaedgedbackintothepressingmassogirls7
bodies.Thetrolleyrodeon,butshedidn'tfeelit.Thewordsham
meredinsidehertempleswithterrifyingmonotony:
"Germansoldierswillteachyou!""Germansoldierswillteach
your
Chapter8
UponhistransferfromCampSakrautoCampNiederwalden,
Harrysuddenlyfoundhimselfa"physician/'
Againstthebackgroundofthelaborcamp,thewholematter
ofthe"sickbay**seemedlikeatoyinthehandsofamaniac.The
roomwastwobynothingandtobeginwithwassetupasawhim
oftheCampCommander,sohecouldbragtotheKameradenin
thenearbylaborcamps:inhiscamphehasasickbay!Theonly
bedintheroomwasacrib.TheCommanderhadpickeditup
someplacebecauseitwaswhite.Itwasthecolorthatsoldhim
onit.Makesanimpression.Justlikeinahospital.Evenasmall
glasscabinethadbeeninstalled,andoneachofthethreeshelves
stoodmyriadlittlebottles.Firstandforemost:Bottles!TheCamp
Commandergetsabigkickoutofseeingalotofbottles.Fullor
emptyit'sallthesame.Themainthing;thelittlewhitelabels
inscribedinLatin.
ToHarryitallseemedasthoughhewaredreamingofadream.
Thewholecampwaslikeaphantasmagoricdream.Although
thepeoplewithinitdidnotsenseitTheywereincapableofsens
ingitTheymovedthroughthecamp,asoverthesurfaceofthe
laborarea,bothontheirmarchoutatdawnandontheirmarch
inatdusk,likecreatureswhosewillhadbeencompletelydrained
fromtheirveinswithouttheirbeingawarewhenandhowitwas
donetothem.Likehollowmen;emptycontainersbobbingat
sea.Theywentwheretheyweretakenandstoodwheretheywere
putLikeinerttraincarsthatcontinuerollingdownthetracks
91
afterthelocomotiveliasbeendetached.Toastop.Deathdrewits
curtainovertheireyes.Eyeswhichwerealreadyunseeing,but
onlyreflectedeverythingaroundthemwiththesheenofdead
glass.
Butasmedic,Harrywascomparativelywelloffandhissenses
werefullycapableofclearlyseeingandfeelingthehorrorofthe
dreamabouthim.Andviewinghimselfinthesickbay.,andall
therestofitasawholeagainstthegeneralbackdropofthelabor
camphefelthewasdreamingadreamwithinadream.
He,ofallpeople,hadbeenchosenbyfate.Queer.Hecan'tre
membereverhavingbeenapusher,everhavingsoughtthelime
light,everhavingsoughttoattractattention.Notinfantasy,nor
inreallife.Never.Hisclosefriend,HenryBaumthepainter,once
toldhim,"Youknow,Harry,youdon'thaveelbows.Butthat'sall
right.Youhavewingswhichwillcarryyoumuchfurtherthan
thosewhoelbowtheirwaythrough..."Strangethatthesame
thingshouldhappentohimevenhere,intheotherworld,inthe
Germanlaborcamp.True,beforethewarhehadbeguntostudy
medicine.Helikedtheprofession.Butthen,therearedoubtless
manylikehimatcamp,someevengraduatedoctors,whobitby
bitarespittinguptheirtorturedsoulsontheBaustelle.*
Hisfirstdayhere,onreturningfromtheBaustelleatduskwith
thelaborplatoon,theCampCommandercalledhimoutofthe
ranksbyname,andsizinghimupfromheadtotoethenandthere
dubbedhim:Physician.
'Thysician!We'llbuildusasickbayinourcamp..."
Well,whatwashesupposedtosaytothat?Firstofall,onthe
marchinfromtheBaustelleithadalreadybecomecleartohim
thatafewmoresuchdaysandhellcomebackacorpseonsome
body'sshoulders.Besides,theCampCommander'stoneofvoice
didn'tseemtocallforanycommentonhispartwhichmightdis
appointHisExcellencyandtheupshotofwhichwouldbeim
mediatedeathbyflogging.
Andhewantedverymuchtolive.
Godinheavenishiswitnessthathe'sashamedtolookthepris
onersintheface.It'shardforhimtomeettheirglancesatdawn
*Baustelle(pronounced"BamhteUe]:laborarea.
92
whentheymarchofftotieBaustelleandintheeveningwhen
theycomeback.Beforeit'sevendawn,afterrollcall,theyare
marchedouttotheBaustelle,amarchwhichisasgoodaswalk
ingtotheirdeath,whileheheheadsforthetoyroom.Inthe
eveningtheycomebacktotingtheday'skillontheirshoulders,
linethemselvesupontheassemblygroundandwaitforrollcall.
Whilehe,thePhysician,whoalsohastostandrollcall,comes
therefromhissickbay.FromtheirtatteredragstheBaustelle
breatheslikefangmarksofabeastontheshreddedgarmentof
itsvictim.Godishiswitnessthathefeelsashamedintheirpres
ence.Heknowshe'snobetterthanthey.Hedoesn'trateitBy
whatrightdoeshesitidleinthecampallday?Whatmakeshim
differentfromthem?Byright,theyshouldloathehim,shunhim
withdisgustButitisn'tso.Justthereverse.Theylookupto
himlikecoweringdogs,withveneration:ThePhysician!Theyare
linedupfornoonsoupandseehimgorighttotheheadofthe
line,comebackfromthewindowwithabrimmingbowlofsoup
ineachhandandtheirvenerationmounts.Itstandstoreason:
thePhysicianshouldn'tstandinlinewithalltheothers.ThePhy
sicianisaV.I.P.Hehashisownprivateroom.Hedoesn'tget
flogged,doesn'tgoouttotheBaustelle,isn'tastatteredasthey.
He'snocommonriffrafflikethem.
Ashepassesthemwiththetwobowlsofsoupinhishands,
someoneinthelinerisksthequestion,**Mr.Physician!Whenis
itallrighttocomeintohaveafootbandaged?"
**Anytimeyoufeellikeit,"Harryreplies.
Thequestioner'seyeslightup.Heispleased.Hegotoutofthe
questionallinonepiece.WiththeJewChieforwiththeKapo*
youneverknowwheninsteadofanansweryouTlgetatooth
knockedoutorakickinthecrotch.ButnotthePhysician.Tohim
youcantalk.Thequestionerfeelsgood.Heiselated.Hisface
beams:firstofall,he'sonthesouplinehistwentyfourhoura
daydreamisabouttocometrue.Secondly,hehasjustcompleted
asuccessfulconversationwithoneofthecampelite.Outofthe
dismalabyss,luckhasflashedhimasmileandheisbeatified.
Odd.Ofallofthem,fatehadchosenhimtogoonbeingalive
*Kapo:laboroversea:.
93
eveninthecamp.Hedoesn'tgetit.Hislooksmayhavehadsome
thingtodowithit,too.TheCommanderfusseswithhimand
prettieshimupasifhewereanitembelongingtothesickbay.
Heeven"broughthimawhitelinencoat,whichmusthavebeen
takenfromanewarrival.
"Physician!Fixyourselfawhitesmockfromthis,andletevery
oneseethere'saphysicianincampP
Anothertime,theCommanderbroughthimaredsash.
"Physician!Sewyourselfaredcrossonyoursleeve.Abigcross,
soitwillstandout."
Duringrollcall,hestandsapartfromtherest.EventheJew
Chiefhastolineupamongtheothers.NottomentiontheKapo
andtherestofthefunctionaries.ButthePhysicianinhiswhite
smock,withthebigredcrossonthesleeve,standsapart.Heis
theprinceamongthecampnobility.Everyonemarchestothe
Baustelle.Manyofthemwillcomebackdeadontheirfellows'
shoulders.Attheeveningrollcallmanywilllieontheground,
inaseparaterow,alongsidethefirstrow.They'llcounttheliving,
addupthecorpsesarrangedontheground:allpresentandac
countedfor.
Everyonemarchestowork,whilehegoesbackintohissick
bay.Fatemusthavemarkedhimoutforherself.
Inthemedicinecabinetthebottlesarearrayedinevenrows.
Butonthetable,too,therearebottles.It'sprettierthisway.More
impressive.Thetablehasaglasstop,onwhichstandjarsofallva
rietieswithmedicamentsofeverysort.Manyofthetransportees
tookmedicinesalongwiththemwhentheysetoutontheirtrip.
Mothers*handshadpackedtheminwithtears,wrappedthemin
whiteclothandgiventhemtotheirchildrenheadingfortheGer
manlaborcamp:**ItTlcomeinhandyif,Godforbid,youscratch
yourfingeratwork."
Wheneveranewtransportarrives,theCampCommander
comesstridingintothesickbaywiththegoodnews:
**Physician!Arealhaulforthesickbay.GotoitP
Inthecomeroftheblock,*wherearrivalsaresearchedforthe
lasttime,therelieonthefloor,offtotheside,bandages,gauze,
*Block:bairacfc.
94
cotton,iodine,valerian,ichthyol,boricacid,zincointment,cal
ciumpills,aspirin,pillsforconstipationanddiarrheaarealhaul
forthesickbay.
Upwardofathousandhumanbodieswhich,likestuffeddum
mies,youdonotknowwhat'sinsidethem,andyoucan'tgetto
knowwhatpropelsthemforwardstill;theirwholebeingmo
tivatedbyonewill,"Eat!";theirlaceratedbodiesfesteringwith
gangrenesasbigasthebelly,asbigasthebacksorestowhich
theyhavebecomeusedasonegrowsusedtopolishonmanicured
nails.Overnighttheyswelllikebarrels.Nowwhat:can'tpullthe
pantsupthelegs.StarknakedtheymarchouttotheBaustelle,
theirjacketstiedaroundtheirgenitals.Theirbloatednakedness
glistensagainsttheclearskylikeaninflatedtoyballoon.Butoh,
theprivypartsarecovered.
"TahitiansPtheGermanssnicker.
"Tarzans,forwardmarch!"
Andthe"balloons"marchforwardtowork.
Overnighttheysuddenlyshrivelagaintolong,scrapedbones.
Youdon'tknowhowandwhenthemiraclecametopass.You
don'trecognizethemintheirskeletonness,justasyoudidn'tre
cognizethemintheirswollenness.Theirhumansemblancehas
longsincebeenobliterated,asroutedoutwithaplane.Eventhe
identifyingmarksthatdistinguishonebodyfromtheotherare
completelyblurredbynow.
"Physician!Arealhaulforthesickbay.Gotoitr
Ontheglasstopofthewhitelacqueredtable,moreandmore
toysmovein:shinyaluminumboxes,fancymadeinGermany
medicinebottles,spoolsofadhesivetape.Theemptyboxes
mustn'tbethrownaway.Werethephysiciantodoso,he'dhaveto
answerforitwithhislife.Acharthangsonthewall,onwhich
isentered,withGermanpunctiliousness,eachandeveryaddition
tothecollection.Onthetableeverythingmustbealignedjust
so:largewithlarge,smallwithsmall,measuredandsortedby
heightandbywidth:Order!Symmetry!Discipline!Let'shavea
goodshow!
ThesteelgleamingsurgicalinstrumentsaretheCampCom
mander'sfavorites.TheyweresenttohimbytheServiceCorps
95
personnelasagiftforthesickbay.They,too,mustbear
rayedontheglasstopaccordingtocategoryandsizeaprecise,
evenrow:thetweezers,pincers?scalpels,andonesixteenthofan
inchbetweeneachinstrumentandthenext.
Ifitwerepossibletoletatleastoneofthepeoplerestinthe
sickbayforjustonesingledaynot,Godforbid,inthewhite
crib!Whatapreposterousidea.Everyoneknowsthatthewhite
cribwasputinthesickbaysolelyandexclusivelyasashowpiece.
Itisnottobetouched!Butifatleastthey'dletsomeonelieon
thegroundforaday,itwoulddohimmoregoodthanallthe
bestmedicinesintheworld.Butit'sprohibitedtobesickinthe
camp.ThatiswhytheCommandersetupthesickbay,soevery
bodyshouldbehealthy.
Intheevening,afterwork,alonglinewindsbeforethesickbay
door.Thosewhocanstillfeelhungersuckingawayattheirlife's
blood,lineupforthedoctoraftertheyhaveswallowedthewatery
soupandhavelickedtheirtinplateinsideandoutButthosewho
taketheirsouprationoutofsheerreflextheynolongerlineup
forthedoctor,thoughtheirbodybethreadbareasashredded
floorrag;itnolongerbleedsbloodanyway.Theycrawlupinto
theirhutchesandwaittheretohearagainthewakinggong,when
theywillagainfileofftotheBaustelle.Theydon'tevenknowif
nighthaspassedmeanwhile;don'tfeelwhethertheysleptor
didn'tsleep.It'sasortofcontinuationwhosebeginningisbeyond
recallandwhoseendisnotinsight.It'stheMussulman*phase,
duringwhichthingsnolongerregisterinthemind,butareonly
reflectedintheglassinessoftheeyes.
Eyes,thesettingofwhoseownlifeonlymirrorsitselfinthem,
atadistance.
Often,whenthebedtimegongisheard,theycomecrawling
downfromtheirhutches,gooutoftheblockandlineuponthe
assemblygroundinprecise,evenrows.Asifbycommand.They
thinkthegonghassoundedmorningrollcall,andtheyareready
toinarchouttowork.Theyhavetobedrivenbackupintotheir
hutches.Andtheydon'tunderstand:Whythechange?Theyno
longerdistinguishbetweenthedarkofnightandthelightof
*Mussulman:prisonerswnoseboneswereallthatheldthemtogether.
96
day.Theircalcifiedbrainsclearlyheardtheknellingofthegong,
andtheydon'tunderstand:Whyaren'ttheymarchingouttothe
Baustelle?
Intheevening,thesickbayiscrowdedwithnakedlegsand
arms.Legs.Legsoeveryvariety.Asifthewholeworldwere
madeupofnothingbutlegs.Nobodies.Justlong,juttinglimbs.
Attimesapairofeyesflickers.Theeyeshadfallenuponan
openboxofwhitesalve.Thesalverecallsmargarine;orcheese.
Theeyeswanttoswallowit.Tosinkinitthenakedcragsof
teethprotrudingfromthefleshlessgumbones.Bettermovethe
boxfurtherbackonthetable.
Harryunbandagesaswollenleg.Theinfectionhasspreadina
bigcircleoverthewholewidthoftheleg.Itreeksofrotting
flesh.Thelegexudesarankheat,asamoundofgarbage
whosetoplayerhasonlyjustbeenremovedafteralongwhile.
Thefleshisbrown,asthoughithadbeenroasting,porousand
nodoseasasponge.Butaspongeisquaggy,andthisdecayis
hardasrock.Whatishetodo?Thewickerwastepaperbasketis
againalreadyfullofchunksofscouredoutrottenness.Usually
there'snotmuchtodo.Especiallywithfingers.Itstartswitha
rottingnail.Itbranchesthroughthepalm,orintoanearby
finger.Soheamputatesthecankerousfingerandafewdayslater
thehandgetswell.Thatis,iftheprisonerhasn'tfirsthadthelife
knockedoutofhimbyaKapoattheBaustelle,ortheJewChief
atcamp.
Theydon'tcryoutHelancesandprobesintothelivingflesh,
asoneprobeswithaknifepointdowntothecoreofarotten
fruit.Hescrapesandgougeswiththescalpel,deeper,deeper.
Whenwillhehitbottom?There'snoendtoit.Whatistherebe
yondtheswollenrottenness?Istherenobonethereatall?Where
inamanisthecoreoflife?Here,amaninthechair,hisleg
slungacrossHarry'sknees.Thescalpeldelvesdeeperanddeeper,
andhesitsthereasifthelegwerenothisatalLTomorrowthis
verylegwillmarchMmouttotheBaustelle!Thesamelegis
abouttocarryhimoutofthesickbayandupintohishutch.
Isthisfleshalive,ornot?Andifnot,whereinamanisthecore
oflife?
97
Attimessomeonewillsitinthechair,opposite.
"Wheredoesithurtyou?"
Heisnotswollenwhichleaveshimnothingmorethanbones
sheathedinyellow,transparentsldn.Notawoundonhisbody.
Hismouthisopen,hewantstospeak,butdoesn'tfindhisown
voice.Likeapersonsuddenlystruckblindwhograbbleswithhis
hands,hegropesforhisownvoiceandlandsnearby.Atlasthe
indicateswithafinger:
Thelashesofhiseyeshurthim...
Inanyothercampsuchaonewouldatoncehavegottena
whackacrosshishollowskullthatwouldsendhimrollingout
thesickbayintotheelectricbarbedwire.Who'shetryingto
Md?It'sgettinglate.Anyminutenowandthegongwillsound
bedtime.Outsidethere'sstillalonglineofpatients,andthis
jokesterthelashesofhiseyeshurt,,.Hesitsandcheepslike
abird.Hispupilsarefrighteninglydilated,fillingouthisbound
lesseyes.
What'stobedonewithhim?
ThescalpelsHereadyonthetablebutthere'snothinginhis
bodytocutTheointmentjarsstandreadybutthere'snowound
onhisbodytoheal,nomatterhowhardyoulookforitUnless
youcookhimupamalady.Hismouthcheeps,butitappears
thatit'snothisopenmouthbuthisenormouspupilsthatplead
forhislife.Before,hewasquiet.Twohoursonendhestoodout*
side,unheard.ButhardlywasheseatedbeforethePhysician,
thanhebeganconvulsingasthoughpoisoned.Hardtomakeout
fustwhathewants.Veryfeeblyhecheeps:
Please,willsomeonehelphimshedatearhellfeelsomuch
betterhejustknowsithefeelsit.WouldthePhysicianplease
helphimgetjustthisonetearout?
Hisconvulsionsgraduallysubside.Thepupilsofhiseyesdim.
Heremainssittinginthechairstill,tranquil,extinguished.The
lipsofhiseyelidsareyellow,aridasscorchedearth.
Hereitis,life!Here!Poisedonthethresholdofhisbody,like
abirdattheportalofitsravagednestbeforetakingwing.Who
issoblindthatcouldnotnowtangiblyseethesheer,nakedlife
ofman?Itnowpausesoutsidehim,aswantingtocastonelast
98
glanceattheplaceitisabouttoleave,forever.Whoknowshow
manyyearsithadwarmedthisnest;howmanycarefreedaysit
hadhadthere,howmuchpainandanguish.Butforallthepain
andanguish,itremainedtruetothewallsofitsabodeandwould
onnoaccountforesakethem.Nowthisbodysitsthereadeso
late,charredruin.Lifeturnstogoitsway,likeahumiliated,
banishedbride.
Tothesickbayhadhecome.Twohoursstoodinline.It
hadgivenhimnorest:Please,wouldthePhysicianhelpmake
itpossibleforhimtocry.
Isthereamanalivewhowilleverknowhowvastwasthepain
inhisparchedeyelashes?
Hefeltthemomentdrawingnear.Heknewhemustgiveup
hischastebride.Sheisleavinghim.Butbeforetheirparting,he
hurriedtothesickbayforhelpinbringingoutatearfromhis
eyes.Hewantedtoofferthisteartohisdepartinglifeasafare
wellbouquetofwhiteroses.
Butwhere,intheGermancamp,atthelastmoment,areyou
togetatear?Whenthebonesaredesiccated,thebloodvessels
empty.Atear.Inhislastmomentatear!Whocouldnowget
himatear?
HippocratesofConcentrationCampUniverse!Prescribethis
patientaremedy.Therewillbeneedforityet.
"Blockorderlies!Carrythiscorpseoutbehindtheblock!Dotft
forgettoreportitimmediatelytotheJewChief.Tomorrow,at
rollcall,thenumbersmustcheck."
II
Outwardly,CampNiederwaldenlooksdifferentfromtheother
laborcampsalloverthearea.Theothercampsareusuallyhidden
inaforest,inwoodenbarrackssetupespeciallyforthispurpose,
surroundedbyhightensionbarbedwire.TheGermansEvein
stonehousesoutsidethebarbedwireperimeterandguardthe
camps.CampNiederwalden,ontheotherhand,issituatedamong
agroupofstonehousesattheendofaGermanvillage,inatre
mendousblock,whichapparentlyLadbeenafirehouse,ora
99
movietheater,ormaybebothforatoneendoftheblockthe
tracesofastagearestilldiscernible,andoneithersideofthe
stageisacubicle,onenowservingassickbayandtheotheras
theJewChiefsoffice.
Thehugeblockisunlitandfilledtotherafterswiththreetiers
ofwoodenbunks.Inthesehutchestheprisonerssleepandlive,
Attheotherendoftheblockisthekitchen,wherethesoupand
breadrationsaredistributedthroughalittlewindow.Thekitchen
isofflimitstotheprisoners,foritsothersidebordersonthestair
vestibuleoftheGermanQuarters.Theblockandparadeground
infrontofitareringedwithbarbedwireandwatchtowers.Only
thesideofthecampfacingthevillageisblockedoffbyahigh
stonewallnettedwithveinsofbarbedwire,lookinglikeavilla
wallveinedwithlateautumncreepers.
Duringtheday,wheneveryoneisattheBaustelle,Harrypaces
amongthehutchesinthedark,vacantblock.Inwhatwaycan
hehelpthem?Heknowsthehellthey'regoingthroughatthe
Baustelle,thoughhewasouttherewiththemonlyoneday.And
hestillremembersonlytoowelltheBaustelleatCampSakrau.
Norhasheforgottenhowhehadstoodonthesicklinethere
pleadingforthemtobandagehispunctured,pusdrippingpalms
palmsinwhichhehadtogriptheheavypickaxandsmash
awayattherockyhillsidethedaylongwithoutletup,withouta
break.
"Blow,whoreson!Therearenobandagesforsuchstinking
littleholes!Blowandbust,whoreson!"Goldmann,themedicat
Sakrau,screechedathim.
Ifhehadn'trunforitrightthenandthere,he'dhavegotten
Goldmann'sbootrightbetweenthelegs.
Before,whenpacingamongthebunksduringtheday,Harry
wouldfluffupthestrawintheirhutchessothey'dhaveitsofter
atnight.Whatelsecouldhedoforthem?Thesalvesareallused
up.Nobandagesleft.Whatelsecouldhedoforthembesides
fluffuptheirstraw?
Buttoday,theCampCommanderhappenedtocatchhimatit
andflaredupveryindignantly,"Hey!Whatdoyouthinkyou're
doingthere?Afinejobforaphysician!Inever!Putonyourwhite
100
smockandbacktoyourmedicines!Illteachthemtonighttow
they'retomakebedsforme!"
He'sreallymessedthingsup.Hewantedtohelpthem,and
hasonlymadeitharderonthem.Thepoorwretchesdon'tknow
whatthey'reinforwhentheygetbacktocampthisevening.
He'sreallycookedtheirgoose.
Inthesickbayeverythingisspicandspan.Harryisdepressed
andheavyhearted.Onthetable,theemptybottlesarearrayed
instraightrowsalongthewall.Theupstretchednecksofthe
bottlesclawathisbrain.Theybristlelikebayonetpoints,spring
outoftheneatrows,upanddown,upanddown,andstabunder
hisscalp.
Thewickerwastepaperbasketnearthelegofthetablenow
gapesempty.Asheetisspreadinthecribwhite,smooth,with
outtheslightestwrinkle.Thetwochairsstandatthetablepre
ciselywheretheyshouldoneforthephysician,oneforthesick
Mussulman.Stillness.Idyl.Anidyltodriveamanoutofhis
mind.
Hetakesachair,drawsittothewall,climbsontoit,andlooks
outthehighheavilyironbarredlattice.
Hecanonlyseethehingesonthecivilians'entranceinthe
cornerofthecompound.Alonesaplingstandsbytheheavystone
wallwhichsealsoffthecampwithitsback,bruteandscaly,like
acrouchingmonster's.*
Wheneverhelooksatthistendertreeagnawingsadnessgrips
him,oftensooppressivethathecan'tbreathe.Heforgetsheis
himselfaprisonerhere.IthurtsTrirntoseethewallloomingover
thetendersaplingwithitshideousback,blockingitofffrom
theworld.Hecanfeelthetreechoking,itsmouthagape,gasping
forair,forbreath.Itwantstobreathe..tobreathe,..
Here,frombehindthelatticebars,thecivilians*gateisn'tvisi
ble.Asthoughithadbeenplannedthatway,sonoprisoner
shouldeveragainseethelikenessofafreeman.Astripofearth
below;astripofskyabove;agrim,broodingwallstretching
oppositethelattice;barbedcoilsofwireabovethewallpiercing
thenakedbluenessofthesly,likerustythreadsstitchingitfast
tothewallofthecamp.
101
He'sputsevenskinboiledpotatoesinthreeoftheblockbunks
today:threeinTedek's,twoinZanvilLubliner's,andtwoin
architectWeisblum's.Apeakedlumpprotrudesfromoneof
Tedek'sthreepotatoes.Thepotatoskiniswhiteasalabaster;
enticing,provokingtodistraction.Thelump!Hecouldjustbite
intoitJustthelump,nomore.Withthetipofhistonguehe'd
pushitinbetweengumandcheekandleaveitthereforawhole
hour.Forawholehourhe'dsuckandswallowitsjuicyspit.No!
Hewon'tgonearthere!Hemustn'tdaretouchthepotatoes!It
alwaysstartsthisway:anibble...anothernibble...First
fromapotatoofTedek's,thenfromapotatoofthearchitect's,un
tilhelosescontrolaltogether.Theanimalinhimstirs,hegoes
completelyberserkandpouncesonthenibbledpotatoesandbolts
themdown.No!Todayhewillnotdoit.Inanycasehewon't
beabletokeepthenipinhismouthforawholehour.Itmelts
inthemouthwithinafewseconds.Nosoonerisitinhismouth
thanhistonguecoilsandreachesintothecacheupinhismouth.
Afewsuchlicksandthenipisgone.No!It'sjustanexcuse.Today
hewillnotallowhimselftodoitTodayhewon'tgonearthe
potatoes.Noteventolookatthem.Hemustcontrolhimself.He
putthemtherehimself,didn'the?Thenletthemliethere.Taboo.
Lethimimaginehe'salreadyeatenthem.Well,wouldthatmake
himanyfuller?
Twodaysafterhewasnamedmedic,Tedekshowedupinthe
sidebay.Hanydidn'trecognizeTedek,butTedekrecognized
him.TedekhadbeensentherebeforeHarry,fromJohannesdorf
laborcamp.IfTedekweren'toneofthesons"TheFiveOaks"
ofVevkethecobbler,hewouldlongsincehaveperishedinJo
hannesdorf;andifnotthere,thenhere,atNiederwalden,like
alltheotherswhocameonhistransport,notatraceofwhom
wasleftWhatgoodwillhissupportdohimnow?What'sthere
lefttodoforhimnow?It'smuchtoolate.True,hestealsapiece
ofbreadoffhisownrationeverydaytogiveTedekalongtothe
Bamtelle,andeverydayletshimhaveafewspoonsofhissoup;
andonceaweek,whenifsskinboiledpotatoesinsteadofsoup,
HarrystowsseveralpotatoesawayinTedek'sbunkforHmto
eatwhenhegetsbackfromtheBausteUe,sothatinthemorning
102
he11beabletotakealonghisbreadration,whole,totheBaustelle.
Butisthereanychancethatallthiswilldohimanygood?
Weird.There'snoidentifyingtoday'sTedekwiththeold
Tedekoftheghetto.Nottheslightestresemblance.Thatonehad
awise,thoughtfulface,afineface,etchedwithdetermination.
Thismanknowswhathe'sabout,andissuretogetthere.How
identifythatTedekwiththishollowedoutheadoftoday?What
happenedtothesubstancethathadoncefilledit?Howdoesa
man'sheadbecomesoidioticallyempty,sototallyvacuousthat
thesheersightofhimevokeshorror?
TakeZanvilLubliner.IntheghettohewasassimpleaJewas
theycome,asmalltimetailor.MatchhimupwithTedeknow;
thesameappearance,thesameface,exceptthatoneisfiftyand
theotherisonlytwentybothlookinglikeshriveledboysof
fifteen.ButwhenZanvilopenshismouth,youimmediatelyknow
thatthiswasonceahumanbeing.Tortureracked,batteredand
scourged,true,butnonethelessahumanbeing.Inspiteofevery
thingstillZanvil.
ButTedekintelligent,ableTedek,Daniela'schumanidiot!
What'sattherootofit?Howdoesitcomeabout?
Towardevening,whenTedekreturnsfromwork,Harryim
mediatelyleadshimintothesickbay,washeshim,bandageshis
soresandseatshiminacorner.Here,atleast,hellbesafefrom
thebeatingsbothoftheblockorderliesandoftheblockchief,
aswellasfromalltherestofthetreatmentawaitingaprisonerin
theblock.Aftersickcall,hesitswithhimandtalkstohimasto
asickchild.Atfirst,Tedekwouldtellhimallthathappenedto
himfromthedayhefirstmetDaniellauntilthedayhegothere*
ThiswayHarrylearnedmanydetailsofDaniella'slifeinthe
ghettothatshehadkeptsecretfromhim.ButhearingTedek
tellofthosedaysandofhisinnermostfeelingstowardDaniella
makesHarryshudder.Themostsacredandintimatememories
nowcomeoutofTedek'smouthasfromahollowedoutidiot
head.Heblubbers,andhiseyesarefixedonHarry'sbreadration
showingfromthemedicinecabinetHisownearsdon'thearthe
wordshespeaks.Theintelligent;handsomefaceoftheoldTedek
nowbespeaksonesinglebovineinsight:*Tfhegetsapieceof
103
bread,hellgoontelling."Or:"Ifliekeepstelling,lie'sboundto
getapieceofbread/7
Asthecowknowsthatthosewhomilkheraredutyboundto
fillhertroughwithhay.
AndTedekhadlovedDaniellawithallhisyouthfulardor.He
hadgivenhislifeforher.Whereisthatsteelylookofhiseyes?
Whathashappenedtoallthatoncethrobbedandteemedinside
thatbrilliantheadofTedek's?
Ononeoftheshootsofthesaplingbythewalldanglesasoli
taryleaf.Theleaffluttersmonotonouslyinthewind,backand
forth,backandforthasifasecretpowerwererelentlesslywhip
pingitonaquivering,shimmeringgreenness,
No!Hewon'tgiveintoanyvilethoughts!Hewon'tgoany
wherenearthepotato.ThankGodtheworstisover.Theworst
ofitiswhenyougettheration.Youstarteating,hungerscorches
yourinsideslikefire,andyouhavetoputsomeasideforthose
forwhomyouoweittoprovide.Theyareworkedmercilessly
attheBaustelle,whileyouambleidlyaboutthecamp,andget
tworationsofsouptothebargain.It'sacrimeeventothinkof
goingnearthehutchesonlytolookatthepotatoes,youtell
yourself.Ifyouhadthegutstoresistthepotatoeswhenyougot
them,thenyoushouldhavethestaminatoholdoutnowthat
youVeputthemwheretheybelong.
Strangething,that.AttheBaustelleyoudon'tfeelthehunger
thisbadly.AttheBaustelletimepassesmuchfaster.InSakrau,
wherehe,too,hadworkedattheBaustelle,heneverfeltsuch
excruciatinghungerastoday,hangingaroundthecampdoing
nothing.AttheBaustelleyougetweak,youwanttofaint,but
feardoesn'tletyoufaint.Thefearoftheviciousblowsoffsets
thepainsofhunger.Butthisdaylongaimlessmeanderingabout,
that'swhenhungerismostunbearable.Itdrivesyoufranticthe
wayitwringsandsucksatyourguts.Youwishyoucouldgo
insensible,butyoucan't.Inspiteofyourselfyouholdontoyour
senses.
Andwhosesharedoeshethinkhe'sgoingtotouch?never.
NotTedek'sthreepotatoes!TedekisMsownfleshandblood.
TedekisDaniella.
104
AndZanvilthoughhedoesn'tdemandinsomanywordshis
twopotatoesaresacred.Mayhechokeonthem,ifhesomuch
astouchesZanviTspotatoes.Thismanhasaspecialplacein
hisheartyetsincetheirdaystogetheratSchwecher'stailor
shop.It'sbeenalongtimesincehe'sgivenanythingtoZanvil.
Formanydaysnowhe'sbeentryingwithallhiswillpowerto
withholdsomethingforhimbuthejustcan'tdoitHejustcan't
bringhimselftoitHereallycan'tlookhimintheeyeanymore.
Zanvilprobablythinkshe'sforgottenhim
No.ArchitectWeisblumisSanya'sfriend.Puttingthetwo
potatoesawayforthearchitectfills"himthroughandthrough
withaholytremor,asthoughheweretouchingwithhisbody
thememoryofSanya.Dayindayoutthearchitectstandsnear
thesickbay,doggedlywatchingHarry'severystep:maybehell
getsomething.ImpossibletopassTiiimwithoutseeinghiscadging,
demandinglook.Ithurtstoseethearchitectinthisstate.It'san
insulttoSanya'smemory.ThearchitectapparentlyrealizesitHe
knowsHarry'sweakspotandtakesadvantageofit.Hefollows
himwiththecringing,fawninglookofabeatencur.Ifhetouches
thearchitect'stwopotatoesnow,whoknowswhenhellagain
beabletogivehfmanything.Tomorrow.That'sittomorrow,"
healwayskidshimself;keepsputtingitofffromonedaytothe
next.Maybeit'sbecausethearchitectdemandsit,asthoughhe
haditcomingtohim
HowlsoflaughteranddrunkenshoutscarryfromtheGerman
Quarters.Theybreakinthroughthewoodenkitchendoor,roll
downthelongblock,intothesickbay,andgoshrillinginto
Harry'seardrums.
Usually,whenhehearstheboisterousdinfromtheGerman
Quarters,hescampersupintoathirdtierbunkandhidesthere
inthedark.Betterbecareful.Neverknowwhatyoumaybein
forduringaGermanorgy.InSakrau,thedrunkenGermansgot
holdoftheJewChiefahandsomeyoungfellowfromBerlin
duringoneoftheircarousals,andbeforetheprisonersreturned
fromtheBausteDeintheevening,hadtossedMmbackintothe
blockstrangled,nude,hiswholebodyamessofbluespots.
Thesaplingbythewallisweighteddownwithboiledpotatoes.
105
Beforehiseyesablurofpotatoes.Everyleafapotato.Can't
teartheeyesawayfromthem.Andinthecenterofthesolitary
shootdanglesthebigpotatowiththepeakedlump,theone
hiddeninTedek'shutch.Thepotatopirouettesbeforehimwith
specialseductiveness,beckoningandtantalizingbeyonden
durance.Butallatoncethepeakedlumptakesontheshape
ofTedek'shead,hisfacialexpressiononreturningfromthe
Baustelle.Andashelooks,Daniella'sblueeyeslookbeseech
inglyathimthroughthesocketsofTedek'sskeletonhead.Ahead
fromwithinahead.AsthoughTedeFsheadwereofyellowglass,
transparent.Andtheheadsslowlyemergefromeachotherand
standsidebyside,justasheusedtoseethemlinked,arminarm,
inthesunlightofHayimIdTsplot
The"plot"Summertimeintheghetto.TheJudenratparceled
outthelandbetweenthevariousJewQuartersintomanyplots
tobecultivatedbytheJews.Theseplotszhalkes,astheywere
calledwereavailableforsubleasingbyanyJew.Butatfirst,
thereweren'tmanytakers."Beforeweeverseearipetomato
thewarllend,andourmoneywillbedownthedrain.Oh,no!
It'sjustsomemoremonkeybusinesscookedupbytheJudenrat
gangtoswindleusoutofourmoney!"theJewscontended.
HayimIdl,everobsessedwiththeoneideathathis'Villa"must
nevergohungry,immediatelylatchedontoaplot.Justforthe
heckofit"We'vegotsomanyfeltsstashedaway,let'sstashaway
azhalkePheshoutedintohiswife'sdeafear.Itgoeswithout
sayingthatHayimIdldidn'thavethetimeorthemindfor"agri
culture,'*nordidheknowjusthowyougoaboutgettingtheearth
tocomeacrosswithatomatooraredradish.Andsoitwas
thatDaniellabecameHayimIdTssharecropper.
Thoseweretheloveliestdaysoftheghetto.Then,italmost
seemedpossibletoforgeteverythinghappeningaboutthem.The
black,softpleatedearth,thewarmearth,soakedintoitsbosom
thebrow'ssweattogetherwithghettotears.Theskystretched
freeandboundlessoverhead.TogetherDaniellaandTedek
spadedthesoil,seededandwateredit,andtogetherenjoyedthe
fruitoftheirtoilRuddyradishes,greenpeasintheirpods,to
matoes,tinypotatoes.
106
Yes.Thoseweretheloveliestdaysotheghetto.
Likethesucculenttomatoglowingintheflushoitsripeness
againstthesun,unmindfuloftheghettosoilatwhichitsuckles,
soDaniellaandTedekforgottheworldclosinginonthemlikea
noose.Tothem,HayimIdTsplotwaslikeasweetdreamwhich
theangelofdreamswillsometimesgrantthedoomedmaninhis
deathcellonhislife'slastnightcompensationforthesunrise
hellneveragainsee.
EverySundayHarrywouldcometothematHayimIdTs
zhalke.TheywouldsitonthestonebenchTedek'shandiwork
andDaniellawouldstuffHarry'spocketswiththeproduceofher
plot,asagiftforSanya.AndasHarrymadehisway"backtohis
JewQuarter,hewouldturnhisfacetothemfromafarandsee
themlinkedtogether,headtohead,radiantinthesunshine,see
inghimoffwiththeirglances.Fromafar,HayimIdTsplotsud
denlyseemedlikealonepieceofwreckageonaseaoffloating
icebergs.HeabruptlyloweredMseyes,turnedaroundandhur
riedontohisJewQuarter.
Now,lookingatthepeaklumpedpotatobeckoningtohim
fromthesapling,enticinghimtothebrinkofmadness,heagain
seestheheadsofDaniellaandTedeklinkedmotionlessinthe
sun,seeinghimoff.
WhatisDanielladoingnow?Hisheartskipsabeat:Howis
Daniellamakingout?GoodthingsheworksattheLaborCom
missioner'sshoeshop.That'sasafenook.Andallthanksto
Vevke,Tedek'sfather.AremarkablepersonthisVevke.Good
thingtherearestillsuchpeoplearound.Daniellaisingoodhands.
NothingtoworryaboutSanyaalsoworksinagoodshop.Wilder
man'sisconsideredoneofthesafestshops.Andthen,herccrasln
Biancaissupervisorthere.Thatshouldmakeitaloteasierfor
her.Sanyasawwhatwascoiningandquicklygotherselftrans
ferredfromSchwecher'sshoptoWilderman's.Ifsclearnowshe
actedwisely.Nothingtoworryabout,really,TonightheTlsavea
wholesouprationforTedek.ThenTedekwillbeabletotakethe
threepotatoestotheBaustelletomorrow.Everydayhellgive
Tedekawholesoup.Shareandsharealike.It'ssettled:asoup
everyday.Howcouldhehavetibottgjhtof
107
'TTaga!Yaga!"
Thevoiceburstinthroughthelatticefromthedirectionof
theGermanQuarters.Helookeduplandsawabeautifulblond
womanstandingmotionlessandgazingathim.Sheiswearinga
woman'smilitaryuniform.,agarrisoncapcockedonherplatinum
blondcurls,andadarkleatherknouttucked,cavalrystyle,under
herarm.Howlongcanshehavebeenstandingtherelikethis,
lookingathim?
ThismustbetheGermanwomanwhocomestotheCamp
Commander.Hislover.Howdidshesuddenlycropupthere,
bythewall?Howcomehedidn'tnoticeherwhensheparked
herselftheretowatchhim?Shestandstheremotionless,looking
himstraightintheeyes.Hegrippedthebarsasthoughaboutto
backawayfromthelattice.Butherunblinkinggazeseemedto
rivethimtothespot.Hisdisappearancefromthelatticenow
wouldbelikeadirectinsultather.Likenotacknowledginga
greeting,thoughthegreeterlooksstraightatyou.
Fromacrosstheparadegroundtheykeptcalling:"Yaga!
YagaFButthewomandidn'tstir.Shoulderleaningagainstthe
wall,shewentonstandingthere,deaftotheshoutsdirectedat
her,hereyesfastenedonhim.Shemusthavesensedthathe's
alreadyseenher.
Harryfeltalltheridiculousnessanddangerfraughtinthis
momentHisheadwasinsertedinoneofthelatticesquares,likea
headportraitinsideanironframe.
Itlastedasplitsecond.Maybelonger.Hecouldn'tgoonstand
ingtherethisway.Hetorehimselfawayfromthelatticeand
Jumpedoffthechair.Thesickbaydoorstoodopen.Theaisle
betweenthewoodenbunkstaperedoffintothedarknessofthe
block.Hedidn'tknowwhethertoshutthedoor,orleaveitopen,
Hervoicereachedhimfromoutsidethelattice.
**Jew!Don'tbefrightened!Letmelookatyousomemore."
Heknewhedidn'tbelongtohimself.Itsuddenlyhithim:
Whatifshecomesintothesickbay?WhatiftheGermansfollow
herin!Thishemustavert.Atonce.OnlynottheGermans!No
tellinghowsuchavisitisliabletoturnout.
Hewentbackupthechairtothelattice.
108
Nowsliewasstandingbythelattice.Hesawtheolivedrabof
herSSuniform.Herfull,round,whitecheeksmadehimgiddy.
Hehadlongsinceforgottenthatsuchaformwasstilltobefound
onahumanbeing.Intheghettoonce,hehappenedtofindapiece
ofprewarbread.ThewhitenessofthebreadhadmadeMseyes
smart.Hecouldn'tlookatthebread.Hecouldn'timaginethat
therehadeverbeensuchwhitebreadtoeatWithbothhands
shepressedtheknoutacrossherthighs.Attheendofthewhip
gleamedasmallsteelbullet.
Sheasked,"WhatareyoudoingincampinmiddleofthedayF*
"I'mthecampmedic,"hesaid.
Hestoodbehindthelattice.Sheliftedhereyestohimand
mumbledasthoughtoherself;
"LikeHolyChrist...Lord,thefaceofHolyChrist..?
DrunkenGermanribaldrycarriedfromtheothersideofthe
paradeground,**YagaIYaga!Whereareyou?"
Sheturned,startedmovingofftowardthevoices,thenimmedi
atelyswungherfacebackaroundtothelattice,andwithwor
shipfuleyes,transportedinecstasy,whispered:
"Lord...thatface...thefaceofHolyChrist...*
109
Chapter9
WhenthetransportogirlsreachedtheDulag,thebuilding
wasvacantThethreestoryDulagbuilding,alwaysoverflowing
withcapturedJews,thistimestoodcompletelydeserted.Asifthe
Germanshadcleareditespeciallyfortonight'sgirlAktion.
Overthedooroftheassemblyhallflickeredasmallkerosene
lamp,barelyshowingtherungsoftheladderleadingtotheupper
levelofsleepingboardswhichextendedoverthewholelengthof
thehall,dividingitintwoanddoublingitscapacity.
Tensofthousandsofpeoplehadalreadylainhereonthe
sparsestraw,beforetheirdeportation.Herewasthelaststopbe
forecrossingovertothatotherobscureworld.Riversoftearshad
alreadyflowedhere,buttheDulaghadthecapacitytoabsorb
humanwoelikeanabyssnevertobesated.
Thegirlsclamberedupontotheboards,threwthemselveson
thestraw,andonebyonewereengulfedbythedarkness.Noone
spokeaword.Eachwasencasedwithinherselfthoseinwhom
therewasstillafaintwarmstirringofhopeaswellasthoseal
readynumbwithdespair.Theboardswerecrammedwithlying
bodies;yeteachcoulddeemherselflyinghereunutterablyalone,
forsakenforalltime.
Noonespokeaword.Asthoughtheheartwereafraidthatthe
mouthwouldletfallwhatwasabouttohappen.Eachwasnowin
communionwiththosemourningherintheghetto.Belovedfaces
hoveredbeforetheeyes.Theycouldheartheirweeping,reach
110
outthearmstoembracethem,tugthemclosefornonetosepa
rate.Thearmsachedtobestretchedouttothem,butinthe
hauntingstillnessotheDulageverylimbwasafraidtoletout
theleaststir.Thefearofafearunknown.
Thenightoozedoutitslastblackdrop.
II
Anewdaybegantowhitenthesquaresofthebarredwindow
bisectedbytheboardlayerhalfawindowfortheupperlevel
ofthehall,halfforthelowerlevel.Thegirlsdidnotraisetheir
heads,asifwishingtoaverttheglanceofthenewday,asif
wishingitwouldletthemlieherethiswayforever.Butthenew
daywentonitsrounds.Itpeeredthroughthebarredhalfwin
dowslikeadayguardcometorelievethenightwatch,ranits
eyesoverthestrawasthoughtakingcountofthebodiesitis
abouttotakeintoitspurview,contemplatedthemthrougheyes
slowlyopeningintoanevilglint.Itsglancecreptalongthewalls
intothedeepest,darkestcornerstoseethemall,tomakesure
thatnoneescapeitsdesignsmappedoutforthembeforehand.
Onebyonetheheadsstartedup.Eachlookedatherneighbor,
andthesightoftheotherbroughttherealizationthatitwasthey
alltogetherandeachofherownwhowerethecentralfigures
inthisAktion.TheDulagandthewholenightAktionwereset
upexclusivelyforthem.
Eyessearchedaboutforafamiliarface.Thosewhoduringthe
nighthadnoplacetolienowsatproppedagainstthewall,heads
hunchedoverupdrawnknees,staringmutelyatthoselyingon
thestraw,
DanieHasatleaningagainstthewall,willVevkemakeit?
Itwouldhavebeenmucheasierforhimtogetheroutofthe
militia.Fromthemilitiabuildingpeopledosometimesgetout.
ButhardlyeverfromtheDulag,She'sneverheardofsuelian
instanceherself,exceptforthebigwig^scxewtumers/*whomthe
JudenratitselfgetsoutoftheDulag.Vevkewillheadrightova:
totheJudenratNoquestionaboutthatHellinterveneforher.
Butwillitdoanygood?WishfultJiintong!Hecan'tafforda
111
bribe.Andbesides,sheseeswho'slyinghere:girlsmoreim
portantthanherself;girlswhostruttedaboutintheghettoall
frilledandrougedup;girlswhohadaninwiththeJudenratand
themilitiaeverylastoneofthemisnowlyinghereonthestraw,
rightalongwiththosewhohadslavedatthe"waressential"
shops.SlimchanceVevke'llbeabletogettheJudenrattosave
heroutofalltheothers.
Thewomenwillallbecomingtoworksoonintheragroom.
They'llseeshe'smissing.They'llhearthatduringthenightshe'd
beentakenawayinthegirlAktion.Manywillfeelsorryforher
andgoonpickingfromtheclothesheap.Afterbreakfastshe'llbe
allbutforgotten.It'salwaysthatway.Youhearthatduringthe
nightaneighbor,anacquaintance,orjustsomebodywhohad
onlyyesterdaybeenworkingwithyouwasdraggedoutofbed;
youhearandinalittlewhileyou'veforgottenallaboutit.The
feelingthattheshadowofyourownTisstillmovingaboutthe
ghetto,blotsoutandmakesyouforgeteverythingaroundyou,
asthoughtheveryforgettingwereasurecharmagainstyour
beingtakenfromtheghetto....Ifsheonlyknewit'stoHarry's
campthey'resendingher,she'dgotheregladly.Justtheirbeing
togetherwouldgivethemstrengthtostanduptotheworsthard
ships.Harrywaslookingsicklately.Henevercomplained,never
evenlethermentionit,butshecouldplainlyseehewasverysick.
Howwillheeverbeabletotakethebrutalgrindatthecamp?
Atleastiftheywereatthesamecamp,theymightbeabletohelp
eachotheralong.Maybetheyhaveshopsthere,likeintheghetto.
Shewouldhelphimatwork.She'shealthierandstrongerthanhe
evenifhedidconsiderherababyrightuptothelast.
Wherearetheygoingtosendher?Theworstofitisjustnot
knowing.There'snowayoffindingoutwheretheysendpeople
fromhere.Wherearethoselaborcamps?Whatkindofshopsdo
theyhavethere?Peoplewouldgiveanythingforaninklingof
wheretheirrelativeshavebeensentandwhattheyaredoing
there.Butnotallthemoneyintheworldcangetthemthisin
formation.NeitherfromtheJudenratnorfromthemilitia.Maybe
theydon'tknoweither.
Someofthegirlscrowdtothebarredhalfwindow.Outside,
112
therisingdayunveilsafarawayworldbelongingnottothem.
Actually,evenyesterdaythisworlddidnotbelongtothem.Yet
theheartsilentlyweepsforthedrearyghettoskywhichhasnow
alsobeentakenfromthem,forever.Theylookoutthroughthe
ironsquares*Theireyesaredry.Buteachallatoncefeelsthatthe
hearthaseyes,anditistheseeyesthatnowrunoverwithtears.
Itisroomieronthestrawnow.Thegirlswhohadbeensitting
againstthewallallnightstretchtheircrampedlegsandfeelre
lieved.Asifalltheylackedherewasthepleasureofstretching
theirlegsoutonthestraw.
Everywhereintheworldtheceilingishigh.Here,ifsim
possibletostanduprightTheceilingpressesdownonthenape.
Thisisthefirsttimeshehasheldaceilinginherpalms.The
ceilingandthewallsaredottedwithtinywords,likeagrocery
billjottedonasoiledpieceofpaper.Allsortsofinscriptionsand
scratchings,toppingeachotherandoverlappingoneanother.A
hugemassgraveinwhichthecorpsesliestrewnallovereach
other.Thosewhowereherebeforewantedinthiswaytoleave
behindamemorialtheinscriptionontheDulagwall.
Ontheceilingaboveherisasymmetrical,sldllfollydrawn
tombstone.InthecenterofthetombstoneisaStarofDavidwith
atreebesideit.Thetopofthetreelopsdown,snappedatthe
trunk.Beneaththetreeacolumnofnames.Allalmostthesame
tenderage,perhapsclassmates.Allfromthesamehometown.
Ashiverrunsthroughher:MaybeshellfindsomesignofHarry
heretoo!Shesearchesalongthewalls,ontheceilingoverhead
swarmsofinscriptions,tinyandbig,plainandflourished,myriad
symbolsandmonograms,inYiddish,Polish,Hebrew,German.
Oneleftonthewallalettertohisbrother;asecond,afarewell
notetohismother;athird,tohissweetheart.Oneelegizesthe
long,curlybraidsofhislittledaughterwhichtellneveragainsee;
anotherbegshisfather'sforgivenessfornothavingsupported
Kfmsufficientlyintheghetto.Allixnderscoredwithonepostscript:
Tlemembertoavengeus!"
Aseaofnamesandinscriptions.Namesofwomenandnames
ofmen.Suchaswrotetheirtestamentgrotipwise,andsuchas
onlylefttheirnames,singly.Animmensecemetery,crammedto
113
overflowing.Eachnameaperson'slife,snuffedoutbeforehis
eyes.Eachnameatragedyofamanandofman.
Sherummagesamongtheinscriptionsthewayoneseeksthe
bodyofarelativeinanewlyunearthedmassgrave.Theskeletons
swirlbeforetheeyes.Inanyofthemyoumaysuddenlyrecog
nizeyourbrother.
Shegetsdownonherknees,stareshelplesslyattheblack
swarmofdots:anoceanofnames,towhosedeepHarry'sname
hassunkwithoutasound.Gonedown,withoutaripple,without
atrace.
Beyondthehalvesofthebarredwindow,theAryanhousetops
neighboringtheDulagcomeintoviewhousesinwhichonly
Jewsoncelived.NowPoleslivethere.TheJews'placeisinthe
Dulag,orintheghettowheretheywaittheirturntotheDulag.
Outside,theworldsleepsonthoughthenewdayhasbeenupfor
awhile.Andhere,behindthesquaresofthebisectedwindow
hereyoulookatthenewdayandyoudon'tremember,you
aren'tevenconcernedwhetherit'sasummerdayorawinter
day,whetherit'ssnowingoutsideorraining.Youjustwatchthe
newdaycomingupandtrytoguess:Whatdoesthisdayhave
instore?Whatisitbringingforthoselookingouttoitfrombe
hindtheironbarsoftheDulagwindow?
IntheassemblyhallsoftheDulag,inthecorridors,onevery
storyandstaircase,countlessgirlsmillaboutThosewhowere
broughtheretogetherwithherduringthenight,andthosewho
werebroughtlater,inthemorning,fromtheoutlyingghettosin
thearea,Daniellaweavesherwayamongthemfromstoryto
story,lookingforafamiliarface.Maybeshe'llfindsomethingout;
theymightbecallingoutthenamesofthosewhomtheshopex
emptsfromtheDulag.Hereyounevercantell.Heredeathlimns
illusionsthewaywinterdabsfrostblossomsonwindowpanes.
BytheexittothecompoundDaniellacaughtsightofFella,
standingandtalkingtoamilitiaman.
Fellaisaschicasever.Ifsobviousshedidn'tspendthenight
OBthefilthystrawlikealltherestHerhairisneatlyset,not
tousled,andthere'snotawrinkleinhercoat,thoughherfaceis
notasselfassuredandsmilingasusual.Daniellastandsoff.She
114
doesn'twanttobargeinonFella'sconversation.ButFellanotices
her,leavesthemilitiamanandhurriesover.Aweary,bittersmile
cloudshersparklingteeth.
"Well,Daniella,sohereweareintheDulag,eh?"
"Youdon'thaveanychanceofgettingoutofhereeither?Why,
you'resothickwiththemilitiaandyourspecialcardwasissued
bythemilitiachiefhimself!"Daniellawonders.
"...acardfromthemilitia"Fellamuses."Sothick"How
manytimesdidtheytellherthere:"Fella,yourmouth'stoo
big..."Or:"Oneday,Fella,you'llputyourfootinyour
mouth..."
"SeemslikeIVehadit/'sheanswersquietly.TMonyekhim
selfputmeonthelist,hesurewantstogetridofme.Lookslike
he'shadhisfillofme...*
Daniellafeelslikesayingsomething;shetriestofindtheright
wordtocheerupFellawithouthumblingher.ButFellacutsin:
"Oh,I'mnotcallingitquits.I'mnotoneofthoselilylivers.
I'lltiethescorewiththatJudenratoutfitThey'renotsitting
homesousingandstuffingtheirfatgutsandsendmetoworkmy
assofffortheGermans.They'vegotanotherguesscoming.Ill
giveMonyekMatrozsomethingtoremembermeby.Justwaitll
Igetoutofhere.Butifit'slaborcampinthecardsforme,HI
takecareofthattoo.Leaveittome,Hd.There'snostoppingme
tillI'vegotthatMonyekbythecollar,andthen,takeitfromme,
hewon'tknowwhetherhe'scomingorgoing.Illsquareitwith
himforeveryone.Justyouleaveittome."
TherewassomethingaboutFellathatimbuedeveryonearound
herwithconfidence.Evenintheworstpredicamentssheradi
ateddoggedtenacityandmanlyresoluteness.AndDaniella,even
thoughshehadsofarstareddeathinthefacemanymoretimes
thanFella,feltinherpresencelikeachildclutchingatagrown
up*slegwhenasnarlingdogsetsuponthemontheroad.Secretly
Daniellanowprayedthatifshemustgotothelaborcampit
shouldatleastbewithFella.WereFellatosucceedingettingout
oftheDulag,Daniellawouldfeeleversoabandoned.Beingwith
Fellamakesiteasiertostandthefear.Evenatthelaborcampit
willbeeasierwithFella.
115
Shesuddenlyfeltashamedattheuglyselfishthought,andin
ordertoshoutItdownwithinhershequicklysaid:
"Fella,youcanhaveinylaborcard.Maybeit'llhelpyouget
out.Youhavepull,andtheGermantoreupyourcard..."
"Yousweet,sillykid!Everybodyhere'sgotalaborcard.You
reallyfigurealaborcard'sgoingtodoanygoodhere?Innocent
littlethingthatyouare!"
"Ithoughtforsureyou'dbeabletodosomethingwithit."
"Oh,theyknowmeonlytoowellhere,"Fellasaidwithawry
smile."Theyknowmebutgood!TheyknowIneverlaideyeson
ashop.Andhowtheyknow!Besides,backatthemilitia,oneof
thosebluewhitesoldierboystoldmethisisasuperstrictAktion.
Lookslikewe'rescrewedproper."
ShehuggedDaniella'sshouldersilently,devotedly.Arminarm
theywentupthestepsleadingtotheassemblyhalls.
Ontheirwayup,Daniellasaidinaconstrained,tearchoked
voice,"Fella,let'salwayssticktogetherLet'sneverbreakup
I'msoterriblylonely."
FellahuggedDaniellacloser."Silly,whoisn'tlonelyhere?'*
Ill
OnabalconynotfarfromtheDulag,afamilysatdownto
breakfast.Thewomanfilledthecupsfromawhitechinakettle,
firstfortheman,thenfortheothersaroundthetable.Thekettle
gleamedwhiteagainstthebrightnessofthedayDaniellastood
atthewindow,herheadpressedagainsttheironbars
OnthesidewalkofthestreetfacingtheDulag,theresuddenly
appearedoutofnowhereVevke.
Upuntilveryrecently,Jewswerestillallowedonthesestreets
aroundtheDulag.TodayifscertaindeathforaJewsomuchas
togetnearhere.
VevkedartsfurtiveglancesupattheDulagwindows.Athis
feethehasalargebasketfullofwoodenshoelasts,underthe
guisethathehappenstobepassingonhiswaytotheshoeshop.
Danielladoesn'tknowwhattodo.Vevkeislookingrightather,
116
butcan'tseeherbecauseofthethickironbars.Sherantocall
Fella.
"Maybeliehassomegoodnews.Maybehe'sfoundoutsome
thing.MustbeimportantOrhewouldn'tberiskinghislifeto
comehere.Buthow'llheletmeknowfromsofar?HowcanI
signalhim?"ThewordsspurtedfromDaniella.
Fellatriescalling,whistlingbutit'suseless.There'sthedanger
theGermanguardsaroundthebuildingwillnotice,andVevkeTl
befinished.Vevkefidgetsnervously.It'sobvioushe'sonpinsand
needles.Thebasketfulloflastsstandsbesidehisfeet,tomakeit
seemheispausingthereaminutetocatchhisbreath.Helooksin
alldirectionstomakesurenooneseesMm,andimmediatelydarts
hisglanceupatthebarredDulagwindows.Butfromsofar,he
can'tpossiblymakeoutafacebehindthethickbarsorheara
guardedcallcomingfromhere.
Fellagivesup.
"NothingVevkecandohere.Probablycamejusttoseeyou.
Maybehewantstotellyougoodby,thefool!'*
Daniella'seyesfillwithtears.Ahotwavesweepsoverher
heart:"thefool.."
Vevkefidgetsonthesidewalk,can'tstayputIt'sobviousheis
nervous,tense,butnotreadytogiveup.EverytimeaGerman
goesbyVevkesnatchestheheavybasketupontohiswideshoul
ders,manipulatesitwithraisedarmsonthisback,asthoughtry
ingtofindtherightpositionforitAssoonastheGermanisoutof
sight,heputstheheavybasketbackdownandagainsendshis
glancesgropingovertheironcladwindows.Looking.Looking.
Vevke'sshowingupherebytheDulagfillsDaniella'sheartwith
aturmoilofemotions.TearsofpainfulJoywellupinher.Ata
momentlikethisit'sgoodtoseethatsomeoneoutthere,outside
theironbars,remembersyou.SomanygirlshereattheDulag
privilegedcharactersandbribersandnotoneofthemhashad
anybodycometoseeher.Justshe.Forafleetingmomentasense
ofchosennessengulfsher,andthisfeelingseemstodistillher
pain.EvenifVevkeonlycametoseeheroff,eventhenshefeels
elated,Butshewouldlikejustonethingnow:tosignalhimthat
117
sheseeshim,seeshim,andthathe'dbetterhurryupandgetaway
fromhere.Standingexposedonthestreetthatwayhe'stakinghis
lifeinhishands.Thebasketolastsisaflimsyexcuseduringthe
thirddegreeintheGestapodungeon.Andforsuchastunthewill
getadoubletreatmentWhydoesn'thegetawayfromhere!
Ifshecouldatleastreachherhandoutandgivehimsomekind
ofsignal:sheseeshim!Please,ohplease,wouldheleave!Though
shefeelsthatwithhisleavingthelastthreadconnectingherwith
theworldwillbesevered.IfonlyVevkecouldgoonstanding
thereforever,soshecouldseehimandseehim.Thislookingat
Vevkenowsendsaquiverofhomenessthroughher,afeelingof
fatherandmother,offamily:Someonestillremembers.Ifshe
couldjusttellhimhowgratefulsheis!Iftherewereonlysome
wayshecouldlethimknowwhatitmeanstoherandthatshe'll
neverforgethimforitButforheaven'ssake,lethimtakeoff!
Quickly.Asfastashecan.Lethim
'"Downtothecompound!Everybodydown!Snapitup!Snap
itup!"
Theshoutscarrythroughallthehalls,througheverystory,up
thestairs,asiftoshaketheDulagoutofadeepslumber.Militia
menhustlearoundshouting,"Everyonedown!Quicker!Quicker!"
GestapoandSchupo*ringtheDulagcompound.Thegirlsfall
inbyranks.TheGermanscountoff,calltherolltomakesure
everyoneispresent.Thelinedupgirlstremble.Teethchatter.
Terrorenvelopsthecompound,asthoughtheAktionwereonly
justbeginning.
Fellawhispersastoherself,"Nowthejig'supforsure/'
Daniellafeelstheshudderrunthroughhershoulders:"Now
thefigsup..?
Allpresentandaccountedfor.Gestapomenunslingtheirma
chineguns.Safetiesclickinunison.Theyaretestingthegunsbe
forethegirlstomakesuretheyarereadytofire.Thesmellof
somethinghorridassailstheair.Isthistheend?
ThegateoftheDulagopenswide.Ranksofgirls,sixabreast,
facethegate,ready.Standandwait.Rigid
forwardmarch!"
*Schupo,Sdmtzpolizei:SecurityPolice.
118
Sighofrelief.Theflutteringheartdoesn'tknowwhethertobe
happyortogorightonbeingafraid.Notimetodecide.
Theranksmarch.
Where?
Tothetrain,probably.
IV
Onthesidewalksonbothsidesofthestreetpeoplewerestroll
ingleisurelyandcarefreelyalong.Manystoppedtowatchthe
"kikes"beingleddownthemiddleofthestreetTheywagged
fawningsmilesattheGermansgirdingthegirlswiththeleveled
machinegunsintheirhands.
Once,onlyJewslivedinthesestreets.TheJewshadbuiltthese
housesandlivedinthem.Now,PolesliveherethesamePoles
who,beforethewar,hadwavedtheirpatriotismonhighand
neverletupchanting:"TheJewsaresellingourMotherlandto
theenemy!"ButnosoonerdidtheGermanscomeinthanthese
selfsamerabidpatriotsturnedovernightintoVollesdeutsche.*
ManyofthemnowsporttheNazipartyemblemswithprideon
theirlapels,andinturneachofthemwasgivenaJewishapart
mentorJewishbusiness.
Amongthemarchinggirlsmanyaredaughtersoffamilieswho
hadlivedonthestreetsthroughwhichtheyarenowbeingled.
Dumblytheylifttheireyestothewindowsbehindwhichtheyhad
lived,totheTailingsofthebalconiesonwhichtheyhadsatFrom
there,grinningfacesofPolishgirlslookbackatthem.Theeyes
oftheherdedgirlsroveshamefacedlyoverthehousewalls.This
istheirlastgoodby.
Thesearethehousestheywerebomin.Thesearethestreets
theyplayedinaschildren.Throughthesegatestheyskippedoff
toschooleverymorning.Herestoodtheircradle.Heretheyspun
theirfairytaledreams.
Everybrickhereisalivewithmemories.Eveiytreeatrove
ofbuddinggirlhood.Onmorethanonetreeiscarvedaheart,
*Vofcdentscfce:Germannationalswfcodonotliveinbutprofessal
legianceonlytoGermany,
119
piercedwithalover'sarrow,besidetheinitialsofaclassroom
sweetheart.
Underthisskytheyhadgrownandtheyfelttowarditwhat
childrentheworldoverfeeltowardtheirkindredsky.
Nowtheyinarchoverthesefamiliarpavements,surroundedby
strangerswithleveledmachinegunsintheirhands,whosefaces
theyhadneverseen;whosehonortheyhadnevertouched.The
strangersarenowleadingthemawayfromhere.
Where?
Why?...
Daniellahadnotlivedonthesestreets.Shewasn^tbornhere.
Toherthesewindowsandbalconiesdon'tspeakofsundered
home.Theyonlybringbackhermarch,togetherwithherclass
mates,throughthestreetsofKongressia.Thattime,too,there
wereheadslookingoutofopenwindows.Butthentheywere
headsofparents,mothers,sisters,youngsters.Theywerewaving
whitekerchiefs.
"Pleasanttrip!'9
"Haveagoodtimef
Fromasidestreetsomeonecomesrunningout,abasketfull
ofshoelastsonhisshoulders.Heedgesalongthehousewalls,so
astosteerclearoftheonlookersenjoyingtheprocessiondownthe
middleofthestreetHislegswobblealongasthoughbuckling
undertheheavyloadonhisbackWithoneupstretchedhandhe
holdsthebasketbytherim,andwiththeotherhandopen
palmed,fingersoutspreadhekeepswipinghisdowncastface,
hisnose,hiseyes,sothehazeoftearswillnotblockhisview.
Themusclesofhisneckaretensed,bulgingfromundertheheavy
basketliketheneckofahorsehaulinganoverloadeddray.The
updartingglancesofthedownpressedheadsearchnervously,fur
tivelyrakethroughthemassofgirlishheadsmarchingdownthe
middleofthestreet
Daniellastrugglestocatchhisglance.ShewantsHmtoseeher.
Sheknowsit'sforherthatVevkeisnowrunningafterthetrans
portMaybeliehassomethingimportanttotellheratthelast
minute.Butwhatcanhesaytohernow?Somethingreallyimpor
tant?Ormaybehedidcomeonlytopartwithher?"Thefool."
120
Felladoesn'tknowVevke.HowcanFellapossiblyknowwhat
kindofpersonlieis?He'slookingforher.No!Shedoesn'tdare
signalbin.Shecanreallybringdisasteronhim.Heislookingfor
her.Sheseesit.Buthistearfoggedglancejustdoesn'tmanage
tomeethereyes.
Thefirstrankswereenteringthestation.Vevkehaltednearthe
wallofahouse.Hedidnotseeher.
Offinthedistance,fromamongthewavesofheads,thebasket
fullofshoelastswhitedbackatherlikethemastofasinking
sailboat.
Vevkedidn'tseeher.Whatwashegoingtotellher?
Ontheoutside,thetrainwasbedeckedwithhugeGerman
characters:
WHEELSAWAYTOVICTORY!
Alongtrainhadbeenreservedespeciallyforthegirlsofthe
nightAktion.Numerousrails.Locomotives.Headsoffiremenbent
overtheirworkleeratthelinedupgirls,astheygoonfeeding
shovelfulsofcoalintothegapingenginefurnace.Thickblack
whiteknotsofsparkingsmokebelchandbillowfromthesmoke
stacks.WHEELSAWAYTOVICTORY!
...countlesslocomotives...leeringfaces...smokestacks
...Daniellalooks.Herbrainswims.Everythingdoubles.More.
More.Tenfold,hundredfold,thousandfold.They'reallchasing
her.Inaminutethey'llgrabholdofher.
Shetrembles.She*sseenallthisbefore!Exactly,exactlythe
same,thesamelocomotives,thesameleeringfaces,thesamechill
ingfear.Everything,everythingthesame!Butshedoesn'tknow
whethershesawittheninrealityandisnowhavinganightmare,
orwhetherthatwasthenightmare
"Whosowiseastofathomthecrypticwritinganunseenhand
willfromtimetotimedrawonthepanelsofourdreams?
Germans,menandwomen,Frauleins,Reichsdeutsche,Volks
deutschestreamontotheplatform,eachtowardhistrainhome
wardortobusiness,fancyleatherluggageintheirhands.On
121
manyofthevalisestheoutlinesofpluckedoflEinitialsoftheirpre
viousownersarestilldiscernible.Somestandandwaitfortheir
train,whichhasn'tcomeinyet.Othersstrollupanddownthe
platform.Mothersbuygoodiesfortheirchildrenatthecandy
stands.Thechildrenareallprimpedup,withaHitlerbang
pastedoverthebrow.
Freedom!God'smostpreciousgifttoman.Freedomsweetas
amother'scaress.Likeapurewhitewingofadove.Onlythose
deprivedofyoutrulyknowyourworth!
Inthecenteroftheplatformisaseaofyellowandblack:heads
ofhundredsofJewishgirls.AroundthemacordonofblackGes
tapocapsandleveledguns.Thegirlswaitfortheirspeciallyre
servedtraintorollontoitstracksandtakethemin.
Germanwomenpassbythecompressedmassofgirls,glance
atthemasatanormal,everydayphenomenon.Andwalkon.
Frauleins,teenagecouples,brownuniformedHitlerYouth
strollby,castaglanceandgoonwiththeirchitchat.
Passingchildrenunwrapthecandiestheirmothersboughtfor
them,withoutlookingup.Allpassby,asiftheJewgirlssur
roundedbyleveledmachinegunswereanormal,commonplace
occurrence;partofthenaturalorderofthings;somethingwhich
nolongerdrawstheattention,havinglongsincelostitsattraction.
Theystrollbythecompressedclumpofgirls.Theyswerve
aroundthemasthoughtheywereapileofluggageheapedinthe
centerofthestationbeforetraintime.Whenthetrainpullsin,
theporterswillloaditon.IfsafreightshipmentWhatisthereto
see?They'reusedtothesight:alwaysthesameterrorstarkinthe
eyes.Alwaysthesamedumbfaces.Sometimesfacesofwomen,
sometimesfacesofmen;sometimesfacesofchildren,sometimes
facesofelders.TheyVeseenithundredsoftimes.Theyregard
itthewayushersregardamoviewhichhasbeenshowingattheir
theaterformanymonths.
Trainscome,trainsgo.Trafficisheavy.Germans.Germans.
Germans.Theworldisthickwiththeirspeech.Strident,angular,
imperious,sendsthefleshcrawling.Theyhaveconvergedhere
fromallcornersofGermany.Everyoneofthemademigod.
Everyoneofthemaruleroftheworld.
Thesamesky.Thesametrains.Theworldgoesonitsway.But
Jewishgirls,likebalesocargopiledalongfreightwharves,,wait
tobeloadedup.
VI
Thecarswerejammedwithgirls.Theysatonthecarseatsand
onthefloor.Thetrainspedalong.Thedoorsandwindowswere
sealed.Wheelsawaytovictory!Daniellabentforwardfromher
cornerandlookedtowardthewindow.Averdantworldsprawled
outside.Forabriefmomenteverythingmeltedtoadensegreen
haze.NothingremainedneitherGermans,norAktion,norghet
to.Realityblurred,fadedintoendlessgreenpotatofieldssweep
ingofftothehorizon.Faroff,asuncongestedskybentoverthe
earthlikeamotherofferingthebarefullnessofherbreasttothe
mouthofhersuckling.Thetrainspedrhythmicallyalong.
...sheissittinginatraincar.Sheisriding.Aroundher,girls*
heads.Thesametrain.Sheiscontinuingtheexcursionwithher
classmates.Likeasolitarythreadofacobwebwaftingontheair,
thethoughtstreamedfromhermind,waftedandspannedlikea
gossamersilverbridgefromthattraintothis.Overthisbridge
herfantasynowroamedbackandforth.Andhowsweetwasthis
roaming,howprecioustheillusion...
Nowsheknowsbeforehandwhatwillhappenamomentlater.
Everythingaroundhernowhasalreadyhappenedbefore.Aseg
mentofanotherlife,familiarineverydetail.Itwasexactlythe
samewaythatothertime.Thisisthewayshesatinthecorner
ofthecar,andthisishowitlookedoutside.Agirlsittingbeside
herthenaskedthesamequestion:*Isthereanywateronthe
train?"THavetofindout,"wastheanswerthen,too.Thesame
toneofvoice.Thesamecolortrainwalls.Thesamegreenfields
inthecarwindow.Anymomentandthefarmcottageswillcome
intosightHerearethecypresses
Daniellashakesherselfup.Thevisionfades.Thehazeclears,,
vanishes.Thesilverbridgethinsintoalonecobwebintheair.
Shestillseestheslenderthread;nowitevaporates,vanishesinto
nothingness.Air.
153
Delusion.
Thetrainrollson.Thattime,theclassmistressMissHelenwas
standingatonewindowofthecar,andthehistoryteacherVier*
nikatanotherwindow.Theywerecommentingtothegirls
crowdingbehindthemonthesightsbeyondthewindow.InYab
lovastationthetrainsuddenlyhalted.Itisn'tmovingon.Mr.
Viernikbargedangrilyouttotheplatformtofindoutthereason
forthedelay.Allthepassengerswentouttotheplatform.Then
Vierniktoldthegirlsofhisclasstogetoff,too.Thetrainstood
emptywithwideopendoors.Fromadistanceitlookedlikethe
shellofacrackednuthollow,discarded.Notracksavailable.
Thetraincannotcontinue.Thegirlslookedwistfullytothetrain:
Howsoonwilltheybeabletoboarditagainandgoontheirway?
Maybethisisthesametrain?...Thetrainiscontinuingits
journey.Nothinghashappened.Thetrainiscontinuingonthe
excursiontoCracow.Howgooditisnowtodandlethisillusion,
todrinkdownitspoisonlikeintoxicatingessence.
Farmcottagesarescatteredthroughoutthefields.Nothinghas
changedoutside.Greenfields.Thesunstillmirroringinthesmall
cottagewindows.Theredwhitemosaicoftheshingledsloping
roofsannouncesinboldnumeralstheyearsthecottageswere
builtIneachcottagelivesafamily.Anessaycouldbewritten
abouteachfamilywhichwouldcertainlywinherfirstprizeat
commencement.That'swhatshewasthinkingthen,sheremem
bers.
Beyondthepaneofthesealedcardoorloomstheheadofan
armedSSman,steelhelmetloweredtohiseyes,gunbarrelsway
ingbyhishead.Hestandsoutsideontheplatformofthespeeding
trainandwatchesoverthegirlsofhisclass.
Cottages,
Farmcottages.ItwasalreadynightwhenshewasfleeingYab
lovamarketplace.TheGermanshadherdedalltheJewsofthe
townintothemarketplace.Thefirsttermgirlsscatteredinall
directionsandlosttrackofeachother.MissHelendidn'tstop
shouting:"Girls,keeptogether!Remember,together!"Untilshe
didn'thearhervoiceanymore.Thevoicewaslostsomewhere
124
inthefranticmobtogetherwithMissHelen.Thewaterjetsfrom
thefountaininthecenterofthemarketplacespurtedskyward.
ThesettingsunreddenedthewateranditlookedlikeJetsof
bloodspurtingheavenwardfromYablovamarketThenthesun
wentdown.Theskyshadeditselfwithastripofblacknightsoit
couldafterwardsclaimithadnotseenwhattookplaceinYablova
market.Wheredidshegetthestrengthtorunafterallthat?How
longwasshelyingmotionlessamongtheshot?Sheran.She
doesn'trememberhowsheranorhowlong.Sheran.Thewoods
suddenlysproutedatherfeetIfnotfortheknapsack,andifnot
forthebronzeplaqueonthediaryintheknapsack,shewouldn't
begoingtothelaborcampnow.Thediaryisonthetilestove
attheCenter.Shewon'tbeneedingitanymore.Whatusewillit
benow?Everythingisexcess.Ifsallover.Shewon'tbeanymore.
NoonewiHbeanymore.Maybesomeonesomedaywillfindher
diary.
Moreandmorefarmcottages.Oh,thosecottages!Whycouldn't
theyhaveletherinatoneofthem?Shewouldhaveworkedtheir
fields.Shewouldhaveworkedharduntiltheendofthewar.She
ranfromYablovawoodsforhelp.ReeshaMeyerchik,thestar
pupiloftheclass,waslyingonthegroundpleadingwithher
eyes:Helpme!Helpme!Thebloodpouredfromhercoatsleeve.
Sherantothecottagesforhelp.ThePolishfarmerbarkedather:
"Kike?Scram!"Howshe'dhaveworkedforthem.Shegotdown
onherkneesbeforethem.KissedthehandsofthelittlePole,
beggedhertoaskherfather,hermother,topityherandnotkick
heroutShe'salsoaschoolgirljustlikeher,justlikeher.Thelitfle
Polackwipedthewetnessofthetearsfromherhands*glanced
sidewaysatherbrotherandletoutashy?suppressedgiggje.She
wasashamedathavingherhandskissed.It'sthefirsttimeinher
lifeshe'severbeenbeggedformercy.Shetitteredandqueasily
wipedthetearsandkisseslikeslimeoffherhands.
Outside,onthecottagewidow,overaburninglamp,hungan
iconoftheHolyMother,
Nowthesunmirrorsinthesamecottagewindows.Thefields
stretchgreen,boundless.Thetrainrollson.Where?Girlsonthe
125
seatsandonthefloor.Headsdowncast.,eyesaverted,asthough
itwereshameful,thisridingonthetrain.Asthoughitwerethey
whoweretoblamefortheirbeingledawaythusnow.
,.thesearen'ttheheadsofthefirsttermgirls.Theywere
shotinYablovamarket.Thattimeshethoughtshehadgotten
away.Nowagainshe'sbeingledoff.Againwithgirls.Where?
MaybetoanotherYablovamarketplace.Thistimethetrain
doesn'tstopmidway.Wheelsawaytovictory!Herhandtouches
Fella'sarm,asthoughwantingtocuddleuptoherandtellher:
"Let'salwayssticktogether/'
Fellastaresstraightahead,mutteringastoherself,"Theygulled
meintotheDulag.Likeamouseintoatrap.NowIgetwhythey
toldmetogohomeafewnightsago.Iletthemcatchmelikea
dumbdodo.Whydidn'tIseeit?Backatthemilitiatheytoldme
torelax,nothingtheycandonow.IshouldgototheDulagand
theyHgetmeoutAbramekGlantzhimselfsaidso.Evengothis
danderup;'What,Fella?Sendawayyou?Suchathought!Why,
you'reoneoftheboys.Didn'tIsignyourcardmyself?'Andhow
theygulledmeintotheDulag/'
Daniellacan'tstandtoseethesadnessonFella'sface.She's
neverseenFellathisway.She'scompletelychangedthewaythe
skylookstosomeonefallingasleepbydaylightandwakingupto
findifsnight.NottheoldFellaatall.IntheghettoFellawas
usedtobeingoneoftheelite.Atthemilitia,whereshespenther
nights,shehadcometofeelshebelongedtothesafeandsecure
family.Likethemilitiamen,whoweresuretheywouldalwaysbe
sendingotherstodeath,butnotahairontheirheadswouldbe
touched.NowshefeelssturdierthanFella.Asthoughthey
hadswitchedcharactershereonthetrain.Nowshe'dliketocheer
upFella,comforther.Butshedoesn't.Asthoughitwouldbean
insulttotheoldFella.Theblowhadhitherunawares.Now,on
thetrain,Daniellafeelsasthoughthefearhadbecomeparalyzed
insidehertogetherwiththepain.Maybebecausethewordlabor
camp"hovereddayandnightoverherheadlikethedeathsen
tenceovertheheadofacondemned;ormaybebecausedeep
down*1aborcamp*meant"Harry/*Thoughthefeelingwasnot
126
completelyclear,forhowcanitbethatjustintheplacewhere
theyaretakinghershe11findHairyandbeabletobetogether
withhim?Evensothefeelingdidnotstopsurgingthroughher
subconscious,likeacurrentunderthickice.Thissheknew;The
currentemptiesintoasea,theseaiscalled'laborcamp/'and
somewhereinthatseaisHarry.
AHotherthoughtsandfeelingssweptalonglikebitsofdriftage
onthispowerfulcurrent.
Fella'sfaceiscastoverwithdespair.ShehasneverseenFefla
thisway.Ithurts.AsthoughalltheagonyoftheAktionwerenow
concentratedinFella'sface.Daniellalooksather.Shewouldlike
totellherwiththeeyeswhatshecan'tbringoutinwords.She
wantsFellatoseeherglance,understanditButFellakeepsstar
ingstraightahead,mutteringastoherself:"Likeamouseintoa
trap...gulled../*
Allthegirlshereweredoomedallalonganyway.Noonewill
lastintheghetto.No^specialcard"intheworldisgoingtosave
them.AllthegirlsherewereearmarkedforitSomesooner,some
later.Acrackedplateinthebreakingdoesn'tgrievetheheartso;
thebreakingwasexpected.ButFella,shewasn'tamongthe
doomed.Fellablunderedintoitunawares.Inheryouplainlysee
alive,soundhumanbeingledtothegallows.
Andthatisapity.Thathurts.
Ablackuniformshouldershowsatthedoorpane.Black,
Black.Onlythelittleswastikaonthesideofthehelmetisred.A
bloodspot
Thatothertime,itwasMissHelenstandingbythewindow,ex
poundingonthehappymorrowofmankindtheAgeofTele
vision.NowtheblackshadowoftheSSmanstandsthere*Ateach
andeverywindowstandsoneofthem.Theyarenowconducting
the"schoolexcursion,"Hisfrighteningeyesstareinside,scanning
thegirls*faces.ByhisfaceswaptheperforatedbarrelofMs
machinegun,anditlooksasthoughthetwoofthemheandthe
gunhavetakentheplaceoftheclassmistresstopickupwhere
sheleftoffexpoundingonthetruemeaningandessenceofMod
ernCivilization.
127
VII
Avastterrainsterileandunkempt.BehindhertheGerman
voiceswerestillshrilling:"Out!Out!"Shecouldfeelthegun
stockspommelingtheheadsthereasthetrainwasbeingcleared:
Out!Out!
Shewasafraidtolookback.
Fromhorizontohorizonrangedtheocherterrain,spattered
withblackstubsofdeadbonfires;hugeboulderswrenchedfrom
thebowelsoftheearth;overturnedtreestumpswithparched
rootsreachingskywardlikegnarled,jaundicedgiantarms.The
wastestreamedlikeanimmenseriver.Onlyinthedistance
stretchedadarkserryoftrees,asthoughtheyhadsprungback
fromhereinfright.
Thegunswereleveledatthem,fingerswrappedaroundthe
triggers.Sixabreast,sixabreast,thegirlsmarchedupthesloping
terrain.Behindthemthelocomotivewhistled*Thetrainishead
ingback.Wheelsawaytovictory!
Therewasnotatraceofhumansettlementhere.Theonlysign
ofaworldtherailwaytracksreachinginalsocametoadead
stophere.
Whopulledthesestumpsupbytheroots?Whowrenchedthese
hugebouldersfromtheearth?Itseemedasthoughvagrantspirits
werebusyatworkhere.Theirpresencewassensedthoughthey
wereinvisible.
Ranksofgirlsmarchalong.Preciselysixabreast.Eachisvigi
lantnottostepoutoflineorlagbehindaniota.Thegunbarrels
arefixedatthemlikethepupilsofGermaneyes.Thesoilissandy,
loose.Thefeetsinkintoit.Someofthegirlslosttheirshoesbut
didn'teventrytoretrievethem,asiftheyknewforcertainthey
wouldhavenomoreuseforthem.
Apathcutthroughthetrees.Itwasallhush,shadow,terror.
Thecaptivesforgotwheretheycamefrom.Forgotthatoncepast,
therehadbeenyearswhentheylived.
Agate.Overhead,GermanGothiccharactersacrossthecenter
ofanarcshapedsign:WOMEN'SCAMP.Alongside,apostscript
chalkedinGermanhand:LABORVIAJOY.
128
Chapter1
Thegateslammedshutbehindthem.Therankshalted.Ahead
layalargesquare,andfaroff,beyondthesquare,awooden
bridgespannedabrookhuggingthecamplikeascimitar.The
campgroundwasinlaidwithstones.Immaculatecleanliness.
Rosetintedbarracksperchedalongbypathsamidbedsocrimson
blossoms.Gaycurtains,laceworkstyle,hungbehindthebarrack
windows.Anenchantedcoloridyl.Asuddenlyunveiledwon
drouscornerofparadise.
Totherightchaoticwilderness.Exactlyliketheplacewhere
thetrainpulledup.Dingy,dilapidatedshacks,liketemporary
shantiesputupbyroadworkerstoshelterthemandtheirtools
fromrain.Itisobviousthattherethecampisstillintheprocess
ofbuilding.Induetimeitwilllooktherethewayitdoeshere.
Asanguinesundescendedslowlytowardthebrook.Thesky
lineblazedwithredtonguesofsunsetOnthewoodenbridgea
blackuniformedsentrystoodimmobile,gunfixedonhisshoul
der.Hiesunflamedaroundhisshoulders,anditappearedas
thoughafieryGestapomanwereonguardbetweenskyandearth.
Nearhergirlswerewhispering:
TDidyouseethesign?LaborViaJoy^*..
**Workdoesn'tscareme,I'mnotafraidofwork."...
THere,atleast,wewon'thavetobeafraidofbeingdeported.
Atleastwe'vegotthatbehindus.**...
TingladI'mhereatlastJustsolongasTmoutofthatghetto
heH."...
129
"Ofcourseit'scleanhere.TlieGermansloveitclean."...
"IntheghettotheythinkthatintheGermancampstheykill
people.Seethesignoutside?Maybetheworkhereiseasierthan
intheghetto."...
"Pitywecan'tbeheretogetherwithourfamilies."...
Harry!IfshecouldonlyfindHarryhere...Maybeshe'llrun
intohim.Assoonassheknowsherwayaround,she'llstartmaking
inquiries.Maybethey'llevenbeabletoworktogether.Acamp
likethiswouldbeanidealplacetowaitoutthewar.Thewar
won'tlastforever.
Nearby,onthebenchesbesidethegate,sittheGestapomen
theguardsandescortsinchargeofthetransport.Nowtheirfaces
lookdifferentMorehuman.Notasfrighteningasbefore.They
sitonthebenchesallwornout,likeporterstakingarestafter
carryingheavyfurnituretoanupperstory,wipingthesweatfrom
theirbrowsandwaitingforareceiptthatthefurniturearrived
safely.Someofthemsitwithcrossedlegs,theblackGestapocaps
withdeathsheadbadgesontheirknees.Theirbaredheadsnow
looklikeheadsofpeople.Theyaretired,andtheirtirednessgives
offalatenthumanspark.Theirfatigueunitesthemwiththegirls
ofthetransportandcreatesasortofkinshipbetweenthetwo
groups.
Seemstheghettopeoplesenthereareallalive,thoughtDan
iella.
II
TheGermantransportguardstookoff.
Heavyknellsofagongsuddenlyshatteredtheair,rollinglike
gianttinvatsacrossthecamp.Doorstoreopen.TheBlockCur
fewimposedonthecampbecauseoftheincomingtransportwas
nowlifted.Thedrowsingpinkblockscamealiveinapanic.The
pandemoniumrecalledasuddenonslaughtofGermansduringan
Aktionintheghetto.
Outtheblockgateschargedbludgeoncarryingwomen,arm
bandsontheirsleevesinscribedKALEFACTTRESS,haircroppedshort,
130
bluepinstripedsmocks,bootsontheirlegs.Onthefacesofthem
allwasblatantthesameunspokenmuxderousness.
"Up!Up!Fallin!"
Faroff,thegongboomedwithanoutlandishclamor,the
sameclangs!Whenhassheseenallthisbefore?Whenhadshe
alreadyfoundherselfstandinghere?Witheveryknellofthe
gong,thelividtwilightreachingfromtheskylinetothesquare
resembledmoreandmoretheshaftofmoonlightwhichhadthat
time,duringtheclangingofthenighttrolley,streamedinthrough
thewindowofherchildren'sroom.Shefeltherkneescrumpling
underher.Shefeltasthoughallaroundhertimehadcometoa
standstill.
"Fallin!Snapto!Snapto!"
Theyarebeingpushed,proddedalongwithbludgeons.Dan
iellarunswiththeothers.Alabyrinthofblocks.Aqueernew
world.Aworldallblocks.Alleysandblocks.Theenchantedpara
disecornerhaslongsincevanishedlikeamirage.Thekalefac
tressesgoadthelaggards:"Run!Run!Onthedouble!"
Thecampsuddenlystoodforthenormouslyvastandterrifying.
Alleysandblocks.Blocksandalleys.
AllatoncethefirsttruepictureofCampLaborViaJoycame
toKght
Headsofskeletons,piledontopofeachother,staredthrough
thebarredwindowsofanisolatedblock.Theblockseemedtobe
filledtotherafterswithskeletonheads.Manyofthemshookbony
fistsatthenewcomersbeinggoadedpasttheblock*Othersrasped
hoarsecursesthroughgapingrowsofteeth.Thefleshcrawled:
Arethesepeopleorcorpses?Whatishappeninghere?Whatkind
ofcampisthis?Wherearetheybeingpushed?Wliatdotheyin
tendtodowiththemthere?Whyaretheskeletonsshaking
clenchedfistsatthem?Whyaretheycursingthemout?...
Likeallpreviousnewcomers,thegirlsofthistransporttoodid
notknowthat,becauseoftheirarrival,tomorrow,atthecrack
ofdawn,ahugevanwillpullintofetchtheseskeletonstothe
crematorium.Howarenewcomerstoknowthattheveterans,the
alreadysuckeddry,regardthemastheirexecutioners?Andhow
131
aretheytoknowthatitwon'tbelongbeforetheythemselveswill
alsobeglaringoutoftheIsolationBlockatnewtransportswhich
willkeepfollowingtheminhere?Andthenewcomerswillthen
lookuponthemastheynowlookupontheseskeletonheadsstar
ingatthemthroughtheironbars.
"Stepitup!Doubletuner
Nightbegantosettleonthecamp.
Ill
Clerks,withwhiteSERVICEPLATOONarmbandsontheirsleeves,
weresittingatalongtableenteringoncardsthevitalstatistics
ofeachnewarrival.Thegirlsofthenewtransportwereledinto
thehugeServiceBlockbyfifties.Farbackintheblock,atasep
aratetable,satthecampdoctor,aredcrossblazoningfromher
armband,andbesideher,atthesametable,stoodawoman:mas
culineface,steelcoldandsilent,armsfoldedacrossherchest,a
thickbraidedknoutdanglingathersidefromoneofthefolded
arms.Shewaswearingabrown,snug,turtlenecksweatertucked
intoridingbreeches,tall,polishedboots,ablacksatinarmband
onhersleeveembroideredwithscarletsilkletters:MASTERKAXE
FACTRESS.
TheMasterKalefactresswassilent,buthersilencedinnedinto
thedeepestrecessesoftheimmenseServiceBlock.Itwasplain
thatherestoodthesuzeraineofthecamp.Hereyes,thethinline
ofherclampedlips,struckfearevenintotheclerksoftheService
Platoon.Nowonder,then,thatthedreadgrippedthenewarrivals
evenbeforetheyknewwhatwasgoingonhereinthecampand
beforetheyhadachancetohearthevoiceoftheMasterKale
factress.
Attheblockgate,thegroupspasseachotter:totheleftthe
exiters,puttingonthecampuniformsissuedtothemfromapile,
andtotherighttheincomers,undressing,throwingtheirclothes
ontothegrowingpileofdressesandcoats,and,naked,goingup
tothelongtablewherethepreliminarycampformalitiesareper
formed.
Thewallsarelinedwithbludgeonbearingkalefactresses.They
132
standerect,rigid,mute,theireyescommanding.Araw,slashing
murderousnessglaresoutoftheseeyes.
Theexitersshamefacedlyevadetheeyesoftheincomers,look
downatthesabotstheyhavejustputontheirfeet.Thewooden
shoesclattereerilyonthefloor.Thefootdoesn'tlift,notdaring
toruffletheawesomestillnessoftheServiceBlock.
...theshoes!Theshoestheymadeattheshoeshop!Shehad
madethemherself...Andhere'stheclothesheap!Thevery
sameclothesheap.Nowthey'llbeusinghercoattomakeshoes
forothers.It'salloneworld.AGermanworld.
Thecampsmockgivesoffaqueersmell.Thesmockisworn
andfrayed.Whoknowshowmanygirlsthissinockhasalready
accompaniedtotheIsolationBlock,fromwherethestrippedbody
wasdeliveredtothecrematoriumandthesmocktakenbackto
theServiceBlockoncemoretodrapethebodyofanewarrival.
Shestoodnaked.Thelocket!Where'flshehidethelocket?She
whiskeditoffherneckandhelditfastinherclenchedfist.Inthe
clothesheap?Where'stheraincoat?Itwasjustatthetopofthe
clothesheap.Inthecoatpocket!Theretheseamripperswillfind
it...
Attheotherendoftheblock,thelastgirlsofthegroupahead
aregoingout.Theircivilianclothesremainontheheapofgar
ments,nearDaniella.Whereisshegoingtohidethelocket?
Thelinemovedforward.Girlsofthenewbatcharealready
standingatthetable.Stillness.Terrifyingeyesofkalefactresses
loweratthestragglersstilllingeringbytheclothesheap.What*s
shegoingtodowiththelocket?Fellaisalreadyatthetable.
Daniellaquicklymovedupbehindher.
Thelocketremainedclenchedinherfist.
Clerkswereenteringoncards,neatlyandprecisely,thevital
statisticsofeachandeverygirl.
"Everbeensick?**
"Whatdisease?*
"Anyonesickinthefamily?"
"Married?"
"Single?"
"Sexualrelations?*'
J33
Thelinemovedup.Ataseparatetable,oneoftheclerkstat
tooedablueserialnumberbetweenthebreastsoeachap
proachinggirl,andanotherimmediatelypressedintotheflesh
abovetheserialnumberalongelectricstamp.
Becauselifewassuspendedbeforetheeyeslikeanextraneous
thing,thebodydidnotfeelthepainasstrangehandsjabbeda
serialnumberintoit,orasanelectricstampsearedintotheflesh
theGermaninscriptionFELDHUKE.Neitherthebodynorthespirit
feltanylandofpainthattimeintheServiceBlockofCampLabor
ViaJoy.
Atthelasttable,wherethecampdoctorandtheMasterKale
factresswerewaiting,thefateofeachgirlwassealed.Therethe
diewascastastowhichofthetwosectionsofthecampshewould
besentLaborDivision,orJoyDivision.
Daniellahaltedatthelasttable.Thedoctortappedherlong
yellowpencilslowlyontherostersheetanddidnottakehereyes
offDaniella'slissombody.ShesuddenlystoppedatDaniella's
hand.
""Bornwithaclosedfistwereyou?"thedoctorasked.
ItflashedonDaniella'smind:Intheghetto,duringtheAktions,
anyonewithadeformitywasdoomedtodeath.Shequickly
shiftedthelocketintotheotherhandandshowed:Here,she'snot
acripple!Shecanopenherhand!
TheMasterKalefactress,silent,armsfoldedacrossherchest,
onebootedfootthrustforward,allatoncebrokehersilence.
"How'sthat?Let'shavealook!"
"Picturespicturesofmyfamily."
Theclamped,darklipstwistedtowardthescarredcheek.It
wasaqueergrimacedisgust,hate,perhapsasmileofasort.Mo
tionless,poseunchanged,eyesdownturnedasifthearrivals
fromtheoutsideworldwerenotworthyofherglanceshehissed
throughsparse,stubbyteeth:
"Getridofthatshit!"
Thewordsdrilledinherears,splashingintoeverwidening
circlesofecho.Thetwistedfaceofthealmightycampsuzeraine
bulkedlargerandlargerbeforehereyes.Thewordsofthecom
mandhammeredrelentlesslyatherbrainuntilshenolonger
134
knewwhattheymeantShewhimpered,"Theonlyremembrance.
Theonly"
Thetwistedlipsturnedtowardthedoctorandsnapped,*Xabor
Division!"
Thetwowordsfelllikeadeathsentenceontheheadofacon
demned.ThedoctorlookedwaveringlyatDaniella'slovelybody
andcouldnotdecide.Butsheatoncegotholdofherself:The
MasterKalefactress*commandwaswaiting.Thedoctorlooked
atthenumbertattooedbetweenDaniella'sbreasts,andbegan
writingononeofthetwosheetslyingbeforeheronthetable.
ThedoctorwasstillwritingthenumberastheMasterKalefac
tressdrewouttheknoutholdinghanduntilnowfoldedacrossher
chest.Placidly,coolly,shearchedthehandwayback,andwith
thesamesmirkonherausterelipsbroughttheknoutsavagely
downonDaniella'snakedbody.
"Tomorrowyou'llthrowtheshitawayyourselfr
Theheadsofthegirlsstandingatthelongtablebeganwhirl
ingbeforeDaniella'seyes.SherantotheexitTheretheywere
issuingthecampuniforms.Betweenherbreastsflamedtheim
printoftheelectricbrand,butshedidn'tfeelit.Diagonallyacross
herbackabovetheshoulderanddowntotherightsideofher
bellyablackweltshotupwideastheMasterKalefactress*knout
Remnantfiresparkslingeredinhereyes.Shefeltthefleshonher
backconstrict,asthoughitwereclampedbetweenthespiralsof
asteelspringcontractingandpullingitback.
Outside,anindifferentnightskylookeddownatthecamp.
Somewhereastartwinkledlikeafireflyinthedark.Thecamp
lookedoutiandishlyvast,asifthewholeworldwerecontained
withinitsconfines.Faroffsomewhere,thewindplayedwiththe
criesofwomenprisoners,bandiedthemaboutonthedarko
nightasinagameofball.Redlampslitameshofbarbedwire
walls,whichstoodlikeaborderbarrierbetweenonelandand
another.Farbeyondthebarbedwire,shadowsofwomenprison
ersmovedtoandfroundertheamberlightofalanternlikein
habitantsofaneighboringlandnearby,yetforeignandremote.
Besidethewallofanadjacentblock,Fellastoodwaitingforthe
girlscomingoutSuddenlyshenoticedDaniellaandhurriedto
13S
meether.Theyfellintoeachother'sarms.Tearsstreamedfrom
Daniella'seyes.
HerfirsttearsinCampLaborViaJoy.
IV
Theblockwashugeandstark.Onlyallalongthewalls,ayard
orsofromtheground,ironringswerescrewedinasinastable.
HundredsofgirlslayhereontheflooroftheTemporaryAssem
blyBlockthetransitblockfornewarrivals.Fromherethegirls
wentinfiftiestothenearbyServiceBlocktocompletetheinitial
campformalities.Thegirlsofeachreturninggroupwedgethem
selvesbackinamongthoselying,slipmutelytotheground,and
theirsilencemergeswiththesilencealreadyhere.
Fearsegregatedthegirlshereandsecludedeachwithherown
thoughts.Althoughitwasoneandthesamefearforallofthem,
itchosetodealwitheachindividually.Thegirlslayontheground
asthoughtheyhadnotathingincommon;asifnotthesamefate
hadbroughtthemtogetherhere.
Daniellasatleaningwiththeedgeofhershoulderagainstthe
wall.Theweltsmartedonherbackandwouldn'tletherliedown.
Nearhertwogirlswereweepingthrottledsobsintoeachother,
asthoughitwereadisgracetoweepinthisplace.Fellalaysilent,
eyesfixedontheground.AgirlturnedtowardDaniella,herjet
haircascadingtotheground.Anexquisitelycarvedoliveface,
ebonyeyesradiatingyouthfulvigoratrueSemitictype.Theun
dersizestripedcampsmockwasunbuttonedinfront,andbe
tweenfullbreastsbluedtheGermaninscriptionbrandedintoher
flesh.
"Thelastbatchjustleft,"shesaid.
Danielladidn'ttakehereyesofftheinscription.Shecouldn't
makeitout
"Maybethey'llgiveussuppernow,"thegirlcontinued."Haven't
hadabiteallday."
..,whatsortofmarkcanthisbe?FELDHUKEwhat'sthe
meaningofthisstrangeGermanword?AcrossthebrowofShla
136
mek'sfathertheybrandedJUDE,Therebloodgavefromtheseared
word.AndthewordwasasclearasthebloodoozingfromitAs
thoughitwerequitenaturalthatthewordJUBEshouldgiveblood.
Butthisbrandoneveryone'sbosomitslettersdon'tgiveblood
anditsmeaningisobscure.WhatkindofwordisthistheyVeall
beenmarkedwith?
Actually,theyreallusedtobeingmarkedfromtheghetto.
It'snonovelty.Thoughthefirsttime,ithurtwhentheGermans
orderedallJewstoweartheshamebandontheirleftarms.All
facesburnedwithmortification.Atfirst,manystayedoffthe
streetssoasnottobeseenwiththeshameband.Afteralittle
whiletheygrewusedtoit.AfewdayslaterJewswerebackon
theghettostreets,goingabouttheirbusinessagain.Ghettolife
wentbacktoitsoldpaceandnoonecaredanymoreorseemed
torememberthattherewasashamebandontheleftsleeve.On
thecontrary:parentsandchildrenwerequicktoremindeach
otherthattheyshouldn'tdareforgettoputonthemarkofshame
beforeleavingthehouse.Inorderlyhomesaplacardhungonthe
frontdoorknob:"Haveyouforgottenyourshameband?!*"Itwas
akindofnewmezuzahwhichmothersandfathersmadesureto
fixontheirdoorposts.Inhomeswheretheystilltookpainswith
cleanliness,motherswouldusethelastbitofsoaptowashthe
shamebandsthoroughlysothechildrenshouldhaveimmaculate
shamebandswhentheywentoutdoorsontheSabbath.Ghetto
bridesgavetheirgroomssilkshamebandsasweddinggifts,
whichtheyembroidered,insilk,withtheGermanwordJUDEin
sideaStarofDavid.Theghettowindwasalwaysflappingwith
washedshamebandshungouttodry.Thenthenewordercame
out:TheJewmarkwillbesewnovertheheart!Nottihearm,but
theheart.Atfirstthis,too,hurtButyousoongrewusedtoit,
muchmorequicklythanbefore.Infact,manywerehappyabout
thischange,fortheJewmarksewnontheclothingfreedyou
oftheconstantfearofforgettingandleavingthetouseunmarked.
Whenyougetdowntoit,allthegirlshereareusedtobeing
marked.ButthisnewmarkKELDHUB3Ehwhatdoesitmean?
Whatconnectiondoesithavewiththelaborcamptowhichthe
Judenrathassentthem?
137
ThegirlnoticedDaniella'seyesgluedtoherbarebosom.She
saidwithaknowingtone,"They'vestampedus."
"Whatdoesthismarkmean?'*anotherasked.
"Itmeans/*thedarkeyedgirlexplained,"thatfromnowonin
we'rethepropertyoftheGermangovernmentMyparentswere
horsedealersbeforethewar.Twodaysbeforethewarbrokeout,
Polishgovernmentofficialscametousandstampedthehorses:
'Confiscatedforthegovernment/Weweren'tallowedtousethem
anymore.Sameasnow.They'vestampedustoshowthatwebe
longtotheGermangovernment.Fromnowonnooneisallowed
totouchus.We'llworkfortheGermans,andinexchangethey'll
feedus.Fromnowon,tilltheendofthewar,we'retheproperty
oftheGermangovernmentAnyway,we'llhavesomebodylook
ingafterus.Notlikeintheghettowherewewerepublicproper
ty,andanyonewhocouldhandleasmatteringofGermancould
doashelikedwithus/'
Fellaperksherheadup,looksatthegirlclarifyingthematter
ofthebrand.It'sobviousshehassomethingtosay,butshelets
herheaddropbacktotheground.Herheartforetellshersome
thingaltogetherdifferentFragmentsofconversation,bitsofhints
shehadheardfrommilitiamennowcomebacktoher,andthey
fallintoapatternofsentenceswithanentirelydifferentmeaning.
TheytoldherbackintheDulag:"Thisisasuperstricttransport,
whichhasnothingatalltodowithlaborcamp/*
Shedidn'tpayanyattentiontothewords,then.Theydidn't
evensinkin.Hermindwasn'tonthetransportbutonwaysand
meansofgettingoutoftheAktionaltogether.Alotofthingsshe
hadn'tputanystockinatallwerejustbecomingdear.Onlynow
aretheyreallybeginningtoaddup:Thebestlookingandhealth
iestghettogirlswerepickedoutforthistransport;Monyek,the
Judenrattopkickhimself,madeupthelistandevenmanagedthe
Aktion,FellaknowsthatuptonowMonyekneverranalabor
campAktion.Theywerealwayscarriedoutbyhismilitiastooges.
ThemilitiamenturnedIBasmanyheadsastheyweresupposed
to,butwhomtheybroughtthatwastheirbusiness.Ofcourse,for
theGermansitwastheLaborCommissionerrunningtheshow
138
andheorderedthemnottotouchthegirlsattheshops.Butthis
timeitwasallGestapo,,.NotaLaborCommissionmanin
sightforthisone.Fellaknowswho'swho,andanykidintheghet
towilltellyouthatlaborcamp,that"sstrictlyLaborCommission.
SohowdidtheGestapogetinonthisone?Andhowcomethis
timetheytookgirlsworkingintheLaborCommissioner's"war
essentiaFshops,whentherearesomanyshirkershidingoutin
theghetto?Andontopofthat,howcometheydidn'tletoffa
singleoneofthegirls?Eventherichonesandprivilegedchar
actersarehere.Sincewhenhavemoneyandpullstoppedworking
withtheJudenrat?
"Thelastbatchiscomingback,"thegirlsaid.
Opposite,ontheground,lietheChebinsisters,thetwoOrtho
doxgirlsHannaandTzivia.Theylieineachother'sarms,each
wantingtocushionhersister'sheadwithherhandtomakeit
softerforheronthehardground.Theylookliketwoabandoned,
terrifiedwaifs.Allthegirlshereareabandoned,buttheyseemto
bethemostabandonedofall.Hannasitsup,gazesaboutherwith
frightenedeyes,andTzivia'seyesfollowwiththelookofafright
enedgazelle.Thecampsmocksaretoosmallandwon'tbuttonin
frontOntheirbosomsistattooedtheGermaninscriptionFEU>
HUKE.Theydon'tknowwhatitmeans,buttheirlipsbeseech,
**Godinheaven!Don'tdesertusP
Theblockgateburstopen,Thegirlssprangupasifbycom
mand.TheMasterKalefactressandherliverywalkedin.Thelet
tersonherblackarmbandblazedred.Itwasenoughtoseethe
trepidationofhercutthroatsinthepresenceoftheirbossforor
dinaryfleshandbloodtofreezewithfear.
Thecommandrasps,'"Numbertattooedonthebodywillbe
studiedandlearnedbyheartl"
AServicePlatoonkalefactresscallsoutnumbersfromalist
Thegirlswhosenumbersarecalledarestoodtotheside.
Fivedigitstoanumber.Hardtoreadthemoffone'sownbreast
withfearrunningriotintheeyes.Franticallyeachaskedtheother
tolookatherbaredbreastandteHherexactlywhatthenum
berwas.
139
Thatmomenttheyallbecamenumbers,andearsprickedto
heariftheywerecallingoutthenewdesignationtheyhadbeen
assignedjustasplitsecondago.
Daniella'snumberwasFEDDHUEEA13653,andFella'snumber
3FELDHUHEA13652.
Joyhasathousandfaces.And,solongasthebloodflowswarm
withinus,itdoesnotforsakeus.Now,asDaniellaandFella
lookedateachother'snumbers,joyflashedbetweenthem:they're
goingtobetogether!Theirnumbersaretogether!
WhenFella'snumberwascalledout,Daniellawasreadyto
followher.Butinstead,anothernumber,furtherupintheseries,
wascalledout.She'sbeenskipped.Anothergirlsteppedforward
andmovedintothecalledoutgroup.
"LaborDivision!"
ThetwistedsmileoftheMasterKalefactressfloatedupbefore
hereyes.LaborDivision!Whatdoesthiswordhaveinstorefor
her?Shedidn'tknowwhetheritmeantgoodorevil.Anditwas
thenotknowingthatfrightenedherso.Justlikeintheghetto
theperpetualseparationintotwogroupsthatsplitsthesoulof
theghettopersonintwo;theneverknowingwhichgroupis
scheduledtoliveandwhichtodie.Thatonegroupwasheaded
fordeathofthattherewasneveranydoubt.
Theprettiestgirlswerecalledouttotheseparategroup.
Attheblockentranceloomsthecold,silentboyishcropped
headoftheMasterKalefactress."Tomorrowyou'llthrowthe
shitawayyourselfTIfatleastFellahadstayedwithher!Her
eyesscrewedupinpain.Theshit.Herhandcreptuptoher
bosom.Amarkisbrandedonherbody.She'sstamped.Tremu
louslyherhandtouchedthelockethangingthere.Shedrewit
outInherhalfopenpalmMonfsbigvelveteyeslookedupto
her:
"Dani,whydidyouleaveme?"
"Tobringyouapresent,,mypet."
Hereyesfogged,asthoughcloudswerebankingontheirrims.
Agriefshehadneverbeforefeltengulfedher.Heavytears
droppedtothehalfopenpalm.Thetearhazeoverhunghereyes
andblurredthem.Thewhitebowsonherbraidsinthepicture
140
liftandsettleoverMonfsvelveteyes.Andinhermind,asinthe
photograph,thewordsoverlapeachother:
"TomorroioyouIIthrowthe..."
"Daniywhydidyou..?
Thetwolargegroupswerelinedup.Thecalledoutnumbers
weremarchedtotheleftsectionofthecamptheJoyDivision,
andtheotherstotherightsidetheLaborDivision.
Anelectriclampbarelylitthenumberabovetheblockgate:
29.Thenumberoftheblocktowhichshewasassigned.Daniefla
pushedthegateandentered.
Shefrozetothespot
Ablurred,endlessroadhungoverwithfog.Countlesshuman
shadowsstreamingtoandfrothroughthefog,notknowingwhere
toorwherefrom,withoutpause,withoutrestEverythingas
undermurkywater.Overhead,inthecavitiesbetweentherafters,
flickeringlamps,showingeverythingheretobeyellow,beyond
solace.Theotherendofthebarrackisinvisible.Anunending
road.Onbothsides,alongthewalk,twolayersofboards,one
abovetheother.Aboveandbelow,countlesshumanshadows
drapedintatters,lyingandsitting,wedgedupagainsteachother.
Ragsonthefeet,ragsontheheads.Notellingtheirsexorage.
Skeletons,SkeletonsbeyondcountWherevertheeyereaches
skeletonseddyingalonginastreamofyellowmurk
Thegatetoreopen,Abludgeonbearingkalefactressappeared
inthedoorway,androared,*TJpontheboards!"
Daniellarantotheboardsandtriedtoclimbup.Fromabove,
mouthsbaredenormousteethather,eyesdilatedwithhate,and
feetkickedandstampedatherhands,notlettinghergoup.A
newcomer!Herfacegivesheraway!Below,thekalefactresswas
battingtiaeheadsofthestragglersstillscurryingaroundonthe
blockground.Theblowsechoedlikethedrubbingofclubson
emptypots.DanieUascamperedfranticallybackandforthuntil
shefinallymanagedtowedgeupontheboardsamongothers*
Theboardswerespreadwithfilthystrawasinaslimycow
shed.Theothersdrewbackfromherinhatred,avoidedher,as
thoughshehadcomehereofherownwilltousurptheirplace.
Justnowtheyareverybusy.Theyhavenotimeforhernow.
Eachhasarustycanstandingbetweenherlegs.Inthecanis
themuddiedtearation.Theyarewaitingfeverishlytogettheir
breadration.Theyhavenotimeforhernow.She,thenewcomer,
mustthinkshe'sgoingtooutlivethemjustbecauseshegothere
afterthem.ButjustletherwaitTomorrow,attheBaustelle,
they'llteachherathingortwo.
Thegateopensagain.Twokalefactresses.Oneshrieks,"Shut
upl*
Twoprisonerscarryabasketfullofevenportionsofblack
bread.Thebludgeonarmedkalefactressesfollow.Rowuponrow
ofprisonerssitshouldertoshoulderonthestraw.Oneofthe
kalefactressesfollowingthebaskettossesthebreadatthepris
oners.Prisonerafterprisonersnatchesatthemeagerblackcrust,
whichmustdountilthenextdayatthesametime.
Daniellaautomaticallygrabsforhercrustandholdsitinher
hands.Thoughshehasn'thadabitesincethedaybefore,she
doesn'tfeelorevenrememberthetasteofhunger.Infact,even
wereshebeingforcedtoeat,shewouldn'tbeabletoswallow.
Herneighborclutchesthecrustwithtwofleshlesshands.With
flamingeyessheexaminesthecrustfromallsides.Therustytea
canstandsbetweenherthighs.Shethrowsopenamouthfullof
enormouspoisedteeth.Itlooksasthoughtheteethwouldswal
lowthecrustdowninonebolt.Buttheteethjustembracethe
bread,touchitandletitoutwhole.Theteethgrindandgrindand
thecrustremainsinthehandsthesameasbefore.Perhapsthe
breadhasdwindledabit,butthedecreaseisnotnoticeablefrom
onebitetothenext.Theteethbiteintothebreadagainand
again,embraceitwithecstaticfervor,andoncemorereleaseit
whole.Yettheblackcrustinthehandsgrowssmaller,smaller,
untilnothingisleftofitButtheteethdon'tletupbaringthem
selvesandbitingvoraciouslyintothegrimy,fleshlesspalmswhere
earliertherehadbeenapieceofbread.Whenshetiredoflapping
atthememoryofthebread,hereyesshiftedtowardtheportion
142'
stilllyinguntouchedinDaniella'shands.Theeyessankintothe
blackpatchofbreadandsuckedandswallowedItfromafar.
Daniellalookeddazedlyabouther.Shewasstillbewildered.
Thisallcan'tbereal!Can'tbe!...Justthenshefeltcringing,
beseechingeyesrivetedonher.Insteadofthelashinghatredof
before,therenowlookedfromtheeyesthewistfulnessofafor
lorn,sickoldwoman.Theirglancesmet.Thewomanwearily
loweredherheadanddidn'tletoutsomuchasasigh.
Atthesightofthislook,theblockandeverythinginitfaded.
Daniella'shearttwinged.Shesuddenlywantedverymuchtoem
bracetheoldwoman'shead,crushittoherheartandburstinto
tears.
ThewomanlaidherheadonthestrawbenttowardDaniella.
Shedidn'ttakehereyesoffthebreadinthenewcomer'shands,
Daniellasuddenlyunderstood.Shequicklyheldoutthebread
withbothhandstothebeseechingeyes.
"Eat,dearheart,"shesaid.
Theoldwomanslowlyliftedherheadfromthestraw,looked
fromthebreadtotheheadofthenewcomer,andbackagainto
thebread.Seeingthehandsstilloutstretchedtowardherwith
thebread,shesnatcheditwithhernailsinoneswooplikea
beastofprey,claspeditbehindherandwaited.Nowshewas
readytoMEandbekilledifthatoneshoulddaretrytotakeit
fromher.
ThegruesomenessofhungernowstaredatDaniellaoutoftwo
bottomlesseyes.
Sherepeatedgently,TEat,dearheartIreallywantyouto
haveit"
TheoldwomanavidlysankenormousteethInthebread.She
wasstillincredulous.ShelookedatDaniellaandgulped.Looked
andgulped.ThenshebroughtthetincantoherHps.Suddenly
shejerkedthecanaway,stoppedchewingcoveredheremaci
atedfacewithgnarledhandsandbrokeintoachokedsobbing.
Aleftoverofthenibbledcrustremainedlyingonthestrawby
herknees.
Daniellacachedoutherarmstoherandembracedher.The
oldwomanlayonherbosomlikeftefrailbodyofaside
143
Graduallyherweepingsubsided.Sheliftedhereyesandlooked
upatthetearsstreamingsoundlesslyonDaniella'sface.
Daniellagentlycaressedthebony,jaundicedface.Shepicked
uptheleftoverlyingonthestrawandputitinhermouthasone
feedsaspoonfulofmedicinetoasickbaby.
Allaround,ontheboards,theprisonerswereakeadyinthe
throesofsleep.Theoldwomanaskedfeebly:
"Wheredidtheybringyoufrom?'*
"JewQuarter3,"Daniellaanswered.
"AndI'mfromJewQuarter1,"shesaid."StillanyJewsthere?"
"TherearestillJewsworkingintheshops/'
"MynameisZeidner.KenyaZeidner.Duringthefirstroundup
theyseparatedmefrommyfamily.Iwassenthere.I'mtheonly
oneleftfrommytransport.Maybethosethere,ontheotherside,
thoseatDollHousemaybesomeofthemarestillaround.Would
youhappentoknowifanyofmyfamilyweresavedfromthe
roundup?Welivedat19SlovatzkyStreet"
Daniellaknewofnosuchfamily.Sheherselfhadn'tbeenin
theJewQuarterswhenthefirstrounduptookplace,andbeside
Harryshedidn'tknowanyoneinJewQuarter1.DollHouse!
Whatdoesthatmean?Whatsortofcampisthis?
*TmreallyfromKongressia,"sheanswered."Becauseofthe
warIgotstuckinMetropoli.Idon'tknowanybodyintheJew
Quarters.Whatdotheydointhiscamp?Whatsortofshopsdo
theyhavehere?What'soverthere,ontheotherside?"
NosoonerdidKenyaZeidnerhearthementionof"theother
side"thanhereyesflaredupwithhate.
"Thosetheregorgethemselvesonourbread!Sausage,mar
garine,twoportionsofsoupaday.Alltheteatheywant.Atthe
TublicChastisement'you'llseehowstuffedtheyare.Fromour
camptheytakeMussulmanessesouttotheIsolationBlockevery
day,butthey,theyhavea'chastisement'onlywhenanewtrans
portgetsin.It'sallthesametomenow.Iwon'tbesufferinghere
muchlonger.ButbeforeIdie,I'donlyliketoknowifanyofmy
familyarestillalive.HowIwishIcouldseeatleastoneofthem
beforeI'mpackedofftothecrematorium."
144
Tlieoldwomansankbackonthestraw,exhausted.Hereyes
gazedsomewherefar,faraway.Daniellacouldn'tgetanother
wordoutofheraboutthecamp.Theoldwomanhadlefther
completelyforherownworldofthepastPerhapshome,per
hapsherchildren.Anindescribablegriefnowlayonthebony
face.Daniellafeltguilty,asthoughherbeingherehadbrought
itabout.Herappearancefromtheoutsideworldmusthavere
openedforgottenwoundsinthispoorwretch'sheart.Andto
distractherfromherpain,sheaskedbywayofconversation:
"Mrs.Zeidner,howoldareyou?"
Theoldwomanwearilyturnedhereyestoher.Withoutchang
ingherpositiononthestraw,stillsunkinherreverie,shean
swered:
"Whenthewarbrokeout,Iwasinfirsttermhigh."
Daniella'slimbsfroze.Shewantedtogetuptorun,toscream.
Torunandscream.Butshewaslikeonecaughtinahorrordream
whowantstoescapebutcannot.Thelimbswon'tobey.
Fromamongtherafterstwolampsblinkeddimlydownlike
thegrumpyeyesofamonstercrouchingoverheadtoguardthe
prisoners.Ontheboardslayhundredsofwomen'sbodies.They
lookedlikerank,mildewyragsspreadoutbesideeachotherto
dry*Theywereasleep.Theirbreathingwasinaudible.
KenyaZeidner,thegirlnotyetgraduatedfromhighschool,
closedhereyes,slippedofftosleep.Fromhergapingmouthpro
trudedherupperteeth,juttingdirectlyoutofthefieshlessgum
bone.
Daniellashieldedherheadwithbothhands,asthoughtoward
offthehorrorswoopingonher
She'sthesameageasthisoldwoman*..
VI
"Up!Up!Up!"
Afterthreesuchroarsfromthekalefactress,pandemonium
breaksoutamidthestraw.Everyonescuttlesquicklydownthe
boards,asiftheywerenotamomentagoflounderinginde
145
liiioussleep,buthadbeenwaitingtenselyallnightlongtohear
thecommandingroar"Up!"likefieldrunnerspoisedtotakeoff
atthestartingsignal.
KenyaZeidnershookDaniellaawaketospareherthekale
factress*bludgeon.IttookawhilebeforeDaniellacameto,be
foreshefoundherbearings.Nowshewasmoreexhaustedand
weakerthantheothers.
Outsideitwasstilldark.Attheblockgatetheywerepassing
outtea,aleafyswill.Allthewomenstoodinline,holdingtheir
rustycans.Throughoutthedaytheyworethecansontheirhips,
fromastringorwiregirdingtheirbuttonlesssmocks,andattea
distributionornoontimesouptheytookthecansofftheirhips.
Kenyacamebackfromtheteabarrel.ShefoundDaniellaand
offeredherthecanoftea.Althoughthiswastheseconddaythat
Daniellahadn'thadabiteorasip,themeresightofthecan
nauseatedher.
Outside,anewdaywasmakingreadytoenterthecamp.At
sixo'clockworkbegins.Thetoolshavetobeprepared.When
Hentschel,theGermanoverseer,makeshisdailyinspection,each
girlmustbeabletoshowthathertoolisshipshape.Woetoany
onewithwhosetoolHentschelfindsfault
MassesofprisonersweredispersedovertheBaustelle.The
othersectionofthecamp,withitsredflowersandrosetinted
barracks,wasnotvisiblefromhere.Asifitdidn'texistatall.
Heretherewerepits,mounds,androckysoil.Solitaryrailcarts
stoodontemporarytracks.Noonekneworaskedwhat,actually,
wasbeingbuilthere.Thousandsofbuddingliveshadthisearth
alreadydevouredwithoutoneofthevictimsknowingtoward
whatend.Forbythetimeameaslystripofearthwasleveled
out,awholetransportofgirlshadperished.Andthenewcomers
didnotknowwhattheirpredecessorshadproducedhere,nor
wouldtheylivetoseewhattheirsuccessorswouldaccomplish.
Allhurrytoputtheirtoolsintotrim.Theirbodiesswarmwith
liceandgrime,butHentscheltheMoon,theGermanoverseer,
takesgreatpains,beforeworkstarts,toseethatinthehandle
jointoftheshovelthereisn'tohdearnotaspeckofdust.
OnthesquareDaniellasuddenlycaughtsightofHanna,
theelderoflietwoChebinsisters.Hannathrewherselfinto
Daniella'sarmswithanoutburstoftears,Hannawhointhe
ghettohadbornehermiseryuncomplaining,withouttears,,ac
ceptingeverythinglovingly,asGod'spunishmentnowsobbed
helplesslylikeachild.They'vetakenhersisterawayfromher!
Lastnighttheyseparatedthem,andHannaisafraidthatlittle
Tziwywillbelostwithouther.Abouteverythingaroundthem
hereonthecompound,Hannadoesn'tsayaword;herfirstnight
inherblock,whereshelayamonglivingdead,shedoesn'teven
mention.ShecriesonlyaboutheryoungsisterTrivia;Whydid
theybreakthemup?HowwillTziwyevermanagewithouther?
DanieUalookssilentlyatHanna.Isn'titjustthewayshefelt
whensheheardthatHarrywasgone?Andlastnightwhenthey
separatedherfromFella?Butwhereisallthisgoingtoget
Hanna?
"Let*salwayssticktogether,Hanna/*shesaid.
ShetookHannabythearm,andastheywenttoldherhow
shehadmetthisoldtimer.Theresheisnow,polishinghershovel.
TheybothwentovertoRenyaZeidner.
Renyanowlookedmuchyoungerandmorealivethanlast
nightonthestraw.Sheissittingontheground,scrapingher
shovelbladewithastone.Renyaisgenialtowardthem,unlike
theotherprisonerswhoregardthenewcomerswithopenhostil
ity.Foralways,withthearrivalofanewtransportaSelektion*
takesplace.ThehugevancomesuptotheBaustelle.Hentschel
theMoontakesgirlsawayfromwork,ordersthemtoputtheir
shovelaside,andclimbupontothevan:
"Intotheblue,meinLiebchen.They'rebuildnfthemahigh
waythere!3*
SuchareHentscheltheMoon'slittlewitticismsasMsworkers,
whomhehadalreadysuckeddryoftheirmarrow*climbintothe
vanwhichistotakethemtothecrematorium.Thevacatedspot
isimmediatelyfilledbyanewcomer,andtheshovelpassesinto
newhands.Everythingisbacktonormal*untilanewtransport
arrives,andanewcomeragaintakesthesameshovelandmoves
intotheplaceofthepredecessor.Thustheshovelpassesdown
*Selection:tnweedingoutofweaklingstobesenttothecrematorium,
14f
fromhandtohand,uninterruptedly,andthus,uninterruptedly,
theveteranslookuponthenewcomersastheirdeathwarrant
KenyaZeidnerstretchesoutintheyellowsand.Shehasfin
ishedscrapingtheshovel,andisrestingabitTheshovellies
ontopofher,itsgleamingbladeonherbosom.Sheholdsthe
shovelinfastembrace,asalover.
RenyaZeidnerisingoodhumor.TodayworkwiUprobably
starttwohourslate,andthatgivesheraholidayfeeling.Today
shecantakeiteasyatatimewhen,onanyotherday,she'dal
readybehardatwork.Todaytheinfernoissuretostarttwo
hourslater:theybroughtanewtransporttotheJoyDivision
lastnight,andthey'reboundtohavethemselvesaPublicChas
tisementthismorning.Otherwise,HentscheltheMoonwould
alreadybeontheBaustelle.Ifthat'sthecase,Renyacanlether
selflollawhileinthesand.Ifsholidayinthecamp.
TThosethere,**RenyapointstotheJoyDivision,"packina
goodbellyfulbeforetheygettotheoven.True,theyendup
climbingintothevanjustlikeus,butwhilethey'realivethey
don'tstarvetheirgutsoutIt'swithourbread,ourdropsofmar
maladethattheyfattenthemthere!Andthebeatingtheygeton
theirlastday?Wegetitpluseveryday!"
VII
Threeheavyknellsofthegongcarriedacrossthecamp.The
skydeflectedtheirechoovertotheBaustelle.Kalefactresses
stormedoutofbarracks,bludgeonslikeflagsintheirhands,bat
tingtheprisoners'headstowardtheExecutionSquare.Allpris
oners,ofbothsectionsofthecamp,havetoattendPublicChas
tisementintheJoyDivision.Whenafloggingisputon,allthe
prisonersarerequiredtowatchthespectacle.
TheGermanway,youknow.
Thetwosectionsarepartitionedoffbyadoublewallofbarbed
wire.Inthecenter,betweenthewalls,istheExecutionSquare.
JoykaldFactressesleadsometwentygirls,nude,intothesquare.
Eachoneisstrappedoveraseparatestoolthefeettothefore
148
legsofthestool,armstothehindlegs,facedown.Besideeach
stoolakalefactxessstandsby,bludgeonready.TheMaster
KalefactresssilentlydirectstheChastisementAlleyesarefixed
uponherforthestartingsignal,butshe,inturn,iswaitingfor
Yaga,theblondCampCommander,tomakeherappearancewith
herentouragetowatchtheSinPurgationabouttobeperformed,
Whenthe"BlondBeast"showsup?theMasterKalefactress
cracksherknoutdownonthebackofoneofthekalefactresses
thestartingsignal,andthey,speciallytrainedforthismurderous
task,gettowork
Bludgeonsriseinonecadence,withGermanicmeasureand
precision,andswingedowninunisononthenakedbodies.With
outpause,withoutletup.Theshriekssplittheheavens,geyser
fromthestoolsoutofkey,offrhythm,buttheloftyheavensobedi
entlykeeptheirsilence,asbyGermancommand.
StrungonthebarbedwirealongbothsidesoftheExecution
Squareeyes.EyesbeyondcountPrisoners*eyes,witnessingfrom
bothsidesofthecampthepageantofSinPurgationnowbeing
presentedontheExecutionSquare.
Theblackvanstandsby.Kalefactresseshurlinthemangled
bodiesofthe"purgated."Thevanthenswingsaroundtoward
theLaborDivision,inpassingtopickuptheskeletonsatthe
IsolationBlock.
IntheLaborDivision,theMussulmanessescrawloftheirown
accordintothevan,appearinglikeadeathcrawlofcorpsesre
turningvoluntarilyfromthenight,oneaftertheother,intotheir
commonburialpit
VIII
HentscheltheMoon,theGermanoverseer,reallyhadahead
likeafullmoon:rotund,ballshaped,asiftracedoutwitha
compass,deanshaven,tinyears,awispofanose,aslitofa
mouthalltoppedwithamassofpinkflesh,andathick,heavy
cudgelsetinMshand.
WhenHentschelfloggedandHentschelfloggedtodeath
149
itwasneverdiscernibleonhismoonfacewhetherhewasdoing
itoutofannoyance,orhatred,orforthesadisticfunofitHewas
likeamachinebroughtheretoMil,andMilhedoeswithex
emplaryprecision.
ItmayverywellbethatathomeHentschelhasawifeand
children;itispossiblethatheiscarefultogotochurchevery
Sunday;perhapsinthecircleofhisfamily,relatives,friends,
Hentschelisknownasameek,modestperson;isfirsttosay"hello"
toeveryone,getsupforaladyonthestreetcar.Itmaybethat
untilwarbrokeoutHentschelwasemployedasacompetent,
reliableclerkinaconstructioncompany,andeverymorning,at
exactlythesametime,hiswifepreparedhimahamsandwichfor
brunch;andeverymorning,atexactlythesametime,hegave
heragoodbypeckonthebrowbeforeleavingforwork.But
here,inCampLaborViaJoy,Hentschelswimsdayin,dayout
inaseaofblood,inaninfernoofhumanmiseryforwhichno
languageintheworldhastheidiom.
Withtheveryhandswithwhich,atexactlyteno'clockevery
morning,HentscheltakestheButterbrodtfromitsneatwrapping
obviouslypreparedbydutifulwifelyhandswiththosevery
handshedailycrushesyoung,quiveringgirlishlives,
Itmayverywellbethataftersuchaday,Hentschelreturns
homeasheusedtofromtheoffice;takesafootbath;neighbors
dropinforachatoragameofdominoes;acanarywarblesin
thecagehangingfromthelinteloftheopenwindow;intheyard
childrenplaybasketball.Hentschelgetsup,pourswaterinto
theflowerpotsonthewindowsill:Flowersarelikepeople.They
arealive.AndJustaspeoplemusthavefood,flowersmusthave
water.Deprivethemoftheirwatertheywither.Andthat's
verysad.Hentschelfeelshowsad.
ItmayevenbethatwithhisownhandsHentschelfillsthe
saucerwithmilkandsetsitonthefloorforthekittenheisraising
athome.
Later,whentheneighborsleave,Hentscheltakesthebulky
watchfromhisvestpocket,windsitforthenexttwentyfour
hours,andmakesreadyforbed.Tomorrow,firstthing,hehas
togetupagainforworkatCampLaborViaJoy.
150
IX
Thegirlsothenewtransporthavenoworktools.Thevanhas
alreadytakenoff.BecauseofthePurgation,Hentschelwaslate
incomingtocamptodayanddidn'thavetimetomakehis
Selektion.Therefore,therearen'tenoughtoolstogoaround.So
Hentschelassemblesthenewcomers,studiestheirfaces,sizes
eachoneupindividually,andwithhisexpertconnoisseur'seye
estimates:Who'llholdoutatwork,andwhollupandfizzout?
"Damnfishnation!"isHentscheFsroutinecurse."Likefishout
ofwater:somelastawhileandsomerotonthespot..?
Hentschelhasafoolproofmethodallhisown.Heknowsthat
firstandforemosthehastoteachthenewcomerswhathemeans
bywork.Heknowsthattheonlysourceofstrengthforworkin
thisplaceisfear.Themainthingfeax!Therefore,it'suptohim
torevealthissourcetothemandimmediately.That'sthewaytie
alwaysdoesit.He'strieditandheknows.
Onthegroundlietemporarytracks,overwhichrockfilled
railcartsarepushedfromplacetoplace.Thesetracksalways
havetobecarriedfromoneplacetotheother.Justthethingfor
breakinginnewtransportees.
Hentschelgivesanorder.Abatchofnewtransporteesgoin
betweenthetracks,lineupinfilealongthewholelengthofthe
interminablerails.Therailsareboltedtothickwoodentieswhich
areimbeddeddeepintheearthbecauseoftheconstantpressure
oftherockfilledcarts.HentscheFsheadisallnonchalance,like
themoondisk.Cometothinkofit,thereisacrinkleofasmile
onBisface,theEkeofwhichonlychildrenseeonthefaceofthe
moon.
Whenallisset,theMoonletsoutascreech;"Gethold!**
Thegirlsbenddown,"gethold**withtheirhands,rightand
left,ofthecoldironoftherails.TheMoonagainscreeches:
"Lifthigh!"
Thegirlsarestoopedover,fingersdampedontherails.The
railsdon'tbudge.Theweightoftheironitselfisbeyondtheir
strength,letalonewhenitisboltedtoties,andnottomention
whenthetiesarerootedintheearthandtheearthisrecalcitrant,
151
holdingthetiesfastbetweenclenchedteethandstubbornlyre
fusingtoletgoofthem.
Eachgirlisabsorbedinherself,bowedtotheearthasinmute
prayer:Please,mercifulearth,pleaseletthetracksgo.
Atfirsttheydidn'tnotice.Butthescreamsshockedtheminto
awareness.Theycockedtheireyesandsaw:Hentschelstands
overHannaofChebin,andpommelsherbodyunflagginglywith
ashovelhandle.Asthoughheweredrubbingunctuously,with
sacredpurpose.Asthoughtheverydrubbingwerethepurpose.
HannaissprawledoverthetracksandHentschelbastesher
feet,herhead,herarmbones.HannascreamstoGod,writheson
theground,bitesherteethintothesand,tearsatherhair.Her
teethstrainoutofhermouth,hereyestearfromtheirsockets
andtheMoonstandsoverherplacid,unruffled,nottheleastbit
angry,andwithnoeffortatallgoesonlayingthethickhandle
intotheshoulderbones,attheanHes,thewristsbeating,beat
ing*Hannawantstopassout.Shewantstodie:
**Godinheaven!!!Takeme!Godinheaven!!!Takeme!.,.
Godlir
ButHentscheldoesn'tletherpassout.Hentscheldoesn'tlet
herdie.
Hentschelisnowinpitchedbattlewith"Godinheaven."He
won'tturnHannaovertoGodsoquickly.Hentschelisasstubborn
astherecalcitrantearth,whichrefusesasobstinatelytoletgo
therails.HentschelknowsthatHannahastocomeacrosswith
manymoreheftyscreamsbeforeshedies.Allthenewtrans
porteesmustafterwardgoonhearingthescreamsforaslongas
theyareassignedtoMsjurisdiction.AndhelaysintoHannahs
bonescalculatedly,methodically.Justsoshedoesn'tpassout.
BecauseonceHannastopsscreamingshellbedead.Oh,he
knowsthisfromexperience.Itneverfails.
*"Gethold!"Hentschel'scommandshrillsasecondtime.
Thegirlspounceupontherails,sinktheirfingersintotheiron.
"Lifthigh!"
Thesourceisrevealed.Feargeneratessuperhumanstrength
intothehands*Hannaliesontheground.Somethingstillstirs
withinher.Afoot,ahand,somethingletsoffanoccasionaltwitch.
152
Atwitch,andthennomore.Sheliesstill,ahollowhusk.Butthe
echoesofherscreamsstillhoveraloft,grateontheair.
Nowthebattleisjoinedbetweentheearthanddelicategirl
ishhands.Thebattleforthetieboltedrails.Itseemsthegirlish
handsarestrongerthanthemightoftheearth,forbitbybitthe
tiesslipoutoftheclampedteethoftheearth.
Hentschelscreeches:"Spineout!"
Thatis:Backsstraight,postureproudanderectwhilecarry
ingtheironrails.Theearthdrawstherailsbackwithaninde
scribablemagnetism.Theearthhasn'tgivenupyet,itseems.It
wantstoretrieveitsown.Butonhigh,abovetheerectheads,
Hannahsscreamsflurryaboutasthoughhurledbackunanswered
fromtheheavens:
"Godinheaven!..?"Godinheaven!..."
Andgirlishhandsovercomethemagneticmightoftheearth.
Theycarrytherails.
Thegirlsvanquishedtheearthinthebattlefortherails,and
GodvanquishedHentschelinthebattleforHanna'ssoul.Kalefac
tressesflingHanna'scorpseintotheIsolationBlocksoitshouldn't
getinthewayontheBaustelle.
Hentscheltakesthebulkywatchfromhisvestpocket:exactly
teno'clock.Heseatshimselfonanoverturnedcarttohavehis
brunch.HepeelstheneatwrappingofftheButterbrodt,and
daintilysinkshisweeredlipsintothesandwich.Ashemunches3
histinyeyesroveallovertheBaustelle,likeacontentedrancher
surveyingthebountyofcattlegrazinginhispasture.Acurrentof
nervousdiligencegalvanizesthehundredsofgirlsbentovertheir
work:
"Chick!Chick!Moon'swatching.9*
Parade.
Allthenewcomersarelineduponthesquare,naked.Yaga,
theBlondBeast,andtheGermanchiefphysicianbehindherare
comingtoinspectthenewtransport
Thechiefphysicianpassedslowlybeforethegirls,closelyex
153
aminingeachone.ReachingDaniella,hepaused,lookedatthe
blackedgesoweltonherleftshoulderandrightsideoher
bellyasouveniroftheMasterKalefactress'knout.Heknithis
brows:Whafsthis?Flogginghere,intheGermanlaborcamp?
Hewasflabbergasted*asthoughaflagrantbreachofGerman
ethicshasbeencommittedhere.Hepointedwithhisfingertothe
shoulder."Whendidithappen?"
Daniellarememberedthelockethiddenamongherragson
theground.Shekeptstill.
Thechiefphysicianscannedherbodyandcouldn'tfigureit
out.Theremustbesomemistake.Undoubtedly,amistake.He
orderedhertoopenhermouth,peeredintohereyes,fingered
herbreasts,andfinallyturnedtotheGampCommanderanddis
cussedsomethingwithherinwhispers.
YagawentuptoDaniella,alsoexaminedherclosely,asking,
Doesshehaveanyinternaldisease?Didsheeverhaveacon
tagiousdisease?Isshemarried?Theveryquestionstheclerkshad
askedtwodaysagointheServiceBlock
TNo,"Daniellaansweredtoquestionafterquestion.
TheCampCommanderorderedDaniellatostepoutanddress,
andstoodhertotheside.Whenparadewasover,andthenew
transporteeshadgonebacktoHentschel,YagatookDaniella
alongtoheadquarters.ThereshelookedupDaniella'smedical
card,andhadtheSlovaMandoctorsummonedtoherthesame
doctorwhohadenteredDaniellaontheLaborList
Whensheenteredtheoffice,Yagawelcomedher,firstofall,
withakickinthebelly,andonlythenpointedtoDaniella,growl
ingangrily,"Suchafloweryousendtothequarry?YouVegottoo
muchofthisbrandinyourwhorehouse?"
Asofthatmoment,DaniellabelongedtotheJoyDivision.
154
Chapter11
Thatday,HarryleftTedek'sthreepotatoesintact;didn'ttouch
them,didn'tevengonearthem.However,Tedeknevergottoeat
them.
ThroughthebarredlatticeofthesickbayHarryheardthe
prisonerssinging:"GalsIAdore..."asignthattheyareal
readymarchinginfromtheBaustelle.Ofthesongstheyare
madetosingontheway,thisisthelastoneastheyapproach
thecampgate.Asamatteroffact,thereissomethinghopefuland
promisingaboutthisditty,bothinthelyricsandinthetune.
EveryprisonerfeelsitForwhilethemouthsaresingingabout
^GreteFstalltits,**theeyesalreadyseetheladleofsoupthey'll
soonbegettingincamp,andthelimbsfeelthebunkboards
wherethey'llsoonbeabletoliedown.SincetheSSmenfirst
noticedthattheprisonerssingthisdittywithmoregustothat
is,noneedtocrackanyskullswiththegunstocksotheothers
willbeconvincedthatwhileinarchingtoandfromtheBaustelle
theremustbesingingandsincetheythinkit'sthecontentsofthe
dittythatcausesit,theyalwaysorder'"GalsIAdore**tobesung
onapproachingthecampgate.LettieCampCommando:hear
howlustilyhisprisionerssing.
Hairygoesouttotheparadeground.Soonrollcallwillstart,
whentheCampCommanderwillgetthereport:Soandsomany
dead,soandsomanyalive.Allmustbepresentandaccounted
for.
Thefirstranksmarchintothecamp,lineupOBtheparade
155
groundaccordingtoregulation:theshortinfront,thetallerto
therear.Theirmouthsarestillsingingthelastbarso"GalsI
Adore"*asthelastranksmarchinthroughthegatewiththedead
ontheirshoulders,laythecorpses*headssquarewiththefeet
ofthefirstrank,onealongsidetheother,legsstretchedout
straight,handsfoldedonthebellycavitycan'thaveanyoneout
ofline.Now,itisn'timproperforalongonetoliebesideashort
one.Justsolongastheheadsareinanevenlinewiththefeetof
thosestandinginthefirstrank.
Harrystandsattheotherend,afewstepsawayfromtheranks,
asbefitsthedignityofhiswhitesmockwiththeredcrossem
blazonedonthesleeve.Hiseyessearchamongtherows:Where
canTedekbe?Whydoesn'theseehim?
"TheCat"comesoutoftheGermanQuarters.Alreadywithout
hisgun.Hesuddenlyrememberssomething,callstheJewChief
over,handshimaslipofpaperscribbledwithtwonamesof
prisonerswhomheordershimtopunishwithalldueseverity.
Twentyintheass!Getthat,Spitz?"theCatsnarlswithhis
toothlessmouthattheJewChief.
TheCatisanoldSSman,completelytoothless,withtwodroop
Ing,scragglywhiskersfringinghispuckeredmouth;hencehis
nickname,theCat.HesitsdozingintheBaustellesunallday
long.Butashestartsupbetweennapsandwantstoconvincethe
skiesabove,theworldaround,hiscomrades,andtheconscience
withinhimthathereallyhadn'tbeenasleepattheswitch,he
whipsouthisblackmemobook,callsoneoftheprisonersover
andtakesdownhisnameandnumber.Later,incamp,heremem
bers,ripsthepagefromhismemobookandhandsittotheJew
Chief,sothatheshouldmakeagoodexampleofthosehebagged
attheBaustelle.TheCatistoooldandlazytocarryoutthepun
ishmenthimself.Butnevermind.LeaveittoSpitz.Notasingle
prisonerhasevergottenupfromthewoodenbenchafterSpitz
hascounted"twentyintheass**intohim.
Andleteveryonegetthis:TheCatdoesnotsnooze.
..whereonearthisTedek?EverytimeHarryglancesover
therows,hecollideswitharchitectWeisblum'scadginglook
whichproclaims;"HareIam,righthere.*7HewantsHarrytosee
156
Mm,nottoforgetaboutMm.Thecollarofthearchitect'sjacket
isdisjointedandfrazzled.Thejacketismoldyandcoiningapart
attheseams.Throughtherentsshowsabare,grimyshoulder
bone.Hisshavedskullisspatteredwithsunbakedmuckand
mudfromtheBausteHe."PrinceofWales,"Sanyausedtocall
Mminhergaymoments.Andhetookgreatprideinthisnick
name.Shelikedhimforhisstylishness,andespeciallyforhaving
liftedhimselfbyhisownbootstrapstoMsMgh,secureposition
inlife.ThemostmodembuildingsofGreaterMetropoliwere
builtaccordingtoarcMtectWeisblum'sdesigns.EvenMetropolfs
antiSemiticcitycouncilhadtocallonhimtodesignnewmuni
cipalstructures.Twiceayearhewentabroadtoacquainthimself
atfirsthandwiththelatestdevelopmentsinmodemarcMtecture,
andheneverforgotbeitinNewYorkorinParistosendSanya
Mssnapshots;andheneverfailed,assoonashewasbackfroma
trip,tomakeanappearancebeforeSanyaintheelegantforeign
suitsliehadpickedupthistrip."PrinceofWales?Andthetitle
reallyfittedMm.HissplendidmanlyfigurewasjustrightforMs
dashingclothes,wMchalwaysbecametherage.The**Weisblum
ties/'"Weisblumshoes,"^"Weisbliunangle"ofthehatbrim
theseallsetthevoguefortheMetropoliplayboys.Mendiscussed
MsclotheswiththesameadmirationthatanoriginalBiedenneier
istalkedaboutHewasthedarlingoftheMetropolisnobset,
andwasaccustomedtobeingpamperedbythecooingsand
coquetriesofsleeksocialites.Yet,hewouldalwayspopupin
theZacopanesnowmountainswheneverSanyawentTipthere
forherfavoritesport,skiing,eventhoughnoonetold"himabout
it.Hewouldalwaysknow,somehow.
SeemshewasreallyinlovewithSanya,
Nowhestandshere,thisTrinceofWales,"intherollcall
ranks,fixingabeseechingsidelongglanceonHarry:Forthesake
oftheircommonfeelingsforSanya,wouldHarrypleaseremem
bertogiveMmafewspoonsofMssoup.
^Prisoners!Atmycommand,attentionr
Rollcallison.
Theprisonersstiffenup,notbreathing,notstirring,asdeadall,
ofcourse*exceptthereallydead^whogoonlyingontheground
157
placid,indifferent,handsfoldedovertheirbellycavities,nolonger
concernedwithrollcall.Theyarefreemenandtheyflauntit
publicly.Theydon'tasmuchasbataneyelashatthe"Attention!"
butgoongazingattheskyspreadoverthemlikeawhitequilt,
anddreamtheirfree,tranquildeathdream.
Exceptforsomewhosefacesarecontortedasifinnightmare.
PerhapsitistheGermanlaborcampthathasnowintrudedupon
theirdream,warpingthetranquilityontheirfaces.
TheJewChiefrunsuptotheSturmbahnfuhrer,salutesand
reports.TheSturmbalmfiihrerwheelsaroundtotheCamp
Commander,salutesandreports.TheCampCommanderstrides
alongthefirstrank,countsthefeet.Wherethefeetendtheskulls
begin,andhecountstheminthesamebreath.
Thenumberchecks.Everythingisinorder.Rollcallisover.
Theprisonersstartrunningandjostlingintotheblock,lineup
forthesoupdistribution.Eachwantstogettherefirst.Hunger
willnottakesecondplaceonthesoupline.
Harrydoesnotmove.Theprisonersstreampasthimlikewater
flowingaroundanimpedingstone.Hescans,looksintentlyaround
forTedefc.Hewantstobringhimintothesickbay.Thearchi
tectiscarriedalongbythestream.AshecatchessightofHarry,
helooksbackasthoughmeaningtohalt,buthecan'tmakeup
hismind:Tokeeprunning,orlingerawhilesoHarryshouldsee
him?HelooksbackatHarryasthoughhehadsomethingurgent
totellhim.Finally,heletshimselfbesweptalongtowardthe
blockApparently,hecannotgiveupthechanceofbeingamong
thefirstonthesoupline.
Theparadegroundempties.Somethinghorriblebeginstodawn
onHarry,buthewillhavenoneofit.Hefeelsthemerethought
unsettlinghisknees.Anoisyracketissuesfromtheblock.Stand
inghare,outside,youhearthetumultlouderthaninside.There,
tothejangleandclatteroftinplates,theprisonersscuffleinto
lineasthoughaftergulpingdownthewaterysouptheirhunger
won'tbeathousandtimesworse.There,intheblock,lifestill
makesarow.Buthere,acrosstheparadeground,deathliesin
busiedrepose.Soon,allthosenowdamoringintheblockwill
alsobestillastheselaidouthereheadbesideheadsilent,silent.
158
Hadn'tthesearrayedhereonthegroundflutteredandclam
oredthisverymorningatbreadtimeJustlikethosenowbrawling
intheblock?
Theparadegroundisempty.Dreadthumpsintheheart.Heis
afraidtocrossthesquare.Hewantstocoddletheillusiona
littlewhilelonger:MaybeTedekisintheblock.Maybehemissed
himasheranintotheblock.Inthemindthetruthisclearly
established,buthestillrefusestofaceitTheparadegroundis
empty,andthesky,too,isempty.Harry'seyesstrainatthe
corpseslaidoutbesideeachotherbythewallthere.Insidethe
blocktheprisonersarealreadyJostlingtowardthesoupbarrels,
whilethese,onthefringeofthesquare,continuetolierigid,
fixed,asthoughunawarethatrollcallisover;asthoughtheyhad
turnedtostoneduringrollcallandnowhavetobewakened:
Whydon'tyougetup?Soup'son!
Ontheothersideofthebarbedwire,anSSmancomesoutof
theGermanQuarters,withouttheblackJacket,withoutcap,Just
inhiswhiteundershirt.Hesauntersdowntowardthewashroom
carryingawhitetowelandsoap.ThewoodenclogsonMsfeet
clippitycloponthestonepath,recallingtheidylofalaborer
returningfromworkintheeveningandgoingtofreshenupwith
acoldrinse.Heiswhistling"GalsIAdore/*andthetunesounds
queercomingfromthemouthofanSSman,asthoughthesong
werepartandparceloftheprisoners,aninseparableelementof
theirlives.Asthoughthewords<eGreteFstalltits'*soundright
onlycomingoutofprisoners*mouthsandonlytheyoughtto
singthem.
Theparadegroundisempty.Harrywalksovertotheother
side.Hedoesn'tevenfeelMslegssteeringhimtothewaH;
doesn'tevenwonderwhyhe'sheadingtherenow.Simple.He's
themedic,andit'shisJobtogotothewallandexaminethedead.
ThefirstisTedek.
HisJacketisaskew,exposinghismangledbody.Thetrousers
areshredded,asthoughtheclothhadburstunderthethrashing
lietadtaken,andhismouth,istwistedasthoughpoisedtobite
atsomeone.HelooksdirectlyintoHarry'seyes.He'sstillalive!
HispulseIsn'tbeatinganymarebuthe'sstillalive!Youcan
159
plainlyhearMm.AscreamstruggleswithinMm.Thetwisted
mouthdoesn'tstir,butthescreamseemstoeruptthrough,the
openwoundholesonhisbody.Theeyesarealive.Theyrescream
ingtohim.Beseechinghimtohelp.
Tedek!Tedek!...
BlockorderliescomeoutoftheblockThey'vealreadypicked
uptheirsoup,andnowtheyhavetocarrythecorpsesintothe
CarrionShed.Theystartdraggingthem.
**Damnthesestinkin*carcasses!Mancan'teveneathissoupin
peace!"oneoftheorderlieshissesthroughclenchedteeth,snatches
angrilyatoneofthebodiesandstartsdraggingitbyafoot
"Doc!They'redishin*outthesoupintheblock/*anothersays
servilelyashetakesholdofTedeksfoot
Harrybentover.TLetme"hesaid,takingTedekinhisarms.
Thedeadmanwaslightasadesiccatedskeleton.Hecarried
himinhisarmstotheCarrionShed.Abovehisarmstheskylay
overthedeadmanlikeawhitesheetTheSSmanwassauntering
backfromthewashroom,towelslungoverhisarmasherana
smallcombthroughthedamphaironthebackofhishead,care
freelywhistlingandwithhiswoodenclogsbeatingoutthe
rhythmof"GalsIAdore."
^SeemsDoc'sgottimeonhishands/*oneoftheblockorderlies
whisperedtotheother.Theyhurledthecorpsesoneafteranother
intotheCarrionShedandhurriedbacktotheblockforanysoup
scrapingsleftonthebottomofthebarrelwhicharetraditionally
theprerogativeoftheblockorderlies.
HelaidTedekgentlyontheground.Thedeadmanlookedback
athimwithliveeyes.HehadneverseenTedekwithsuchlive
eyeshere,inthecamp.Theborderlinebetweenlifeanddeath
wasallatoncecompletelyobliterated.
Hesuddenlyfeltlikesaying,"Tedek,I'veputthreeboiledpo
tatoesasideforyouinyourhutch.Seethatyoueatthemtomor
rowmorningbeforegoingtowork,andtakethebreadalongto
theBaustelle"
Hawantedtotellhim,Tedek,honest,youlookbetterthan
evertoday.**
AnindomitablewilnowlookedoutofTedek'seyesmettle,
160
manliness,determination.Youcansee:"Theladknowswhathe*s
afterandhellmakeit!9ThesameoldTedeklThesameTedek
whomhe,Harry,hadsoughtinvainthroughouttheirstayto
getherinthecamp.AllTedek'svanishedqualitieswerenowagain
glintinginhiseyes,butinallthestark,silentmthlessnessthatis
appropriateintheCarrionShedofNiederwalden.
Inthecornersoftheshedheadsofratspoppedup,theirround
blackeyesgleamingamazementTheywerelookingdirectlyat
Harry,tryingtofigureitout:IsDocalive,orwhat?Ifhe'salive
whatthehell'shedoinghereintheshed?Who'slietryingtoball
up?What'shebuttinginfor?Dotheysticktheirnosesintohis
businessinthesickbay?Naaa,theytaketheirtime.Theyknow
theyhavetheirscomingtothemhere.Theshed'stheirstakeand
thecorpsesaretheirstake.They'renotdoingsohoteither.Fat
mealthey'regoingtogethereonthecrummyscrapsthathogof
aBaustelleleavesthem!
Tedek'sbodywasmauledandmangled.Thesoreholesshowed
throughhistatters.Hietornskinonhisbodywaslikerippedoil
clothofatoyhorsewhichgivesnoblood.HebentoverTedek's
headandwithtwooutstretchedfingersdrewdownhiseyelids.
OnlynowdidTedekliedead.Hiswarpedmouthnowseemed
likeacongealedscream,thelastscreamofatorturedMussulman,
whosepainismorehorriblethanthemosthorribledeath.
ThereisnomoreTedek.Neveragainwillhebeabletobring
himintothesickbay.Tedekwillneverbeleavingthecamp.The
lastofhishopesnowlayonthegroundoftheCarrionShed.Only
nowdidHarryfeeltherealhorrorofTedeFsdeath.Onlynow
didhecomprehendit.Hishandsclenched.**Lef$revoltasoneman
againsttheGermans^99Ferberhadpleaded.Sanyawouldn'thear
ofit.NotbecauseSanyawasacoward,butbecauseofherover
whelmingdeterminationthatBe,Harry,survivethewar.And
evenhecouldn'treconcilehimselftotheideathataftersuffering
somuchintheghetto,SanyaandDaniellashouldbeMlledby
Germanbullets.Nowheishere,intheNiederwaldenCarrion
Shed.AndwhatwillhappentoMmafteralltheothershave
passedthroughthisshed?WhatkindofdeafiiwilltheGermans
concoctforhim?Sanyaworksinagoodshop,andDaniellainthe
161
LaborCommissioner'sshoeshop.ThefeelingthatSanyaandDan
iellaareoutsidefillshimwithexaltation,purifieshissufferingas
throughadistilleryofmartyrdom.Likeonewhoseneckisinthe
noose,andheknowsheisabouttodiesotheothersmaylive.Did
Tedekhaveanythingtoreproachhimselffor?Hadn'thesacri
ficedhimselfforothers?"Fmgoingoutoftheghettotobringlife
toothers''*Tttpavethewayforyou.99Hadn'tthistormentedMus
sulmandoneallhecould,andmore?"Tilpavetheway..."Who
knows,Tedek,whatkindofwayyouarenowagainpavingforus?
ThroughtheplankeddooroftheCarrionShedheadsofpris
onerspeerin.Theyarewaitingaroundimpatientlyforthemedic
toleavetheshed.Theywanttotaketheshoesandragsoffthe
corpses,andtheydon'tunderstand:Why'sDochangingaround
theCarrionShedtoday?
Theratshaveemergedcompletelyfromthecorners.Theystand
motionless,lookingandwaiting:Doeshereallyfigureonstick
ingaroundheretillthevanshowsuptohaulthecarcassesoff?
Allright,allright,sorespectthedead.Butenough'senough!
Outside,thedaywasebbingovertheparadeground.Harry
startedtowardtheblock.Inthedistancestoodtheprisoners,all
eyes.Helookedupatthem.Theystoodscatteredaroundthepa
radeground,hangingontohisglance.
Thesamerats*eyes!Thesamestares.Rageandnauseaswept
overMm.
"Hyenas!Disgustinghyenas!"heragedatthem."Teninthe
assforanyonewhosomuchassetsfootintheshed!*"
Theyfidgetedandshiftedinembarrassment.Theyweretaken
aback:What'ssospecialtoday?Whyishesuddenlybuttinginto
noneofhisaffair?Oneofthemlookeddumblyattherags
wrappedaroundhisfeet.HediffidentlyapproachedHarry,lifted
pleadingeyes,andbarelystammeredoutinafeeblevoice,
'Whereastheharm,Doc?Iworkbarefootedonsharprocksall
daylong.IfIdon'ttaketheirthingsthevanwillonlygetthem
anyway.Where'stheharm,Doc?"
Heturnedawayfromthem,didn'tsayawordandcontinued
towardtheblock.Hecouldstillseethecontorted,pleadingface
oftheprisoner.ItoccurredtohimthatTedekhadsturdyshoes
162
onhisfeetTheseshoeshadbeenmeanttocrosstheBesMdian
woodsandmountainsonthewaytotheCzechborder.Vevke
musthaveputallhisfatherlywarmthintothemakingofthese
shoes;theyheldoutsolong."Where'stheharm,Doc?IfIdont
taketheirthingsthevanwillonlygetthemanyway...?
Hecontinuedwithloweredheadtowardtheblock
II
NeartheblockentrancewasSpitz'sfloggingbench.Besidethe
benchstood"Red"ItcheMeyer;behindMm,hisson.Spitzhad
onebootedfootproppedonthebench,hisrodinonehandand
theCat'smemointheother.HeeyedMsvictimthefiftyyear
oldredhairedItcheMeyerfondlinghisrodasonewhoenjoys
hiscraft?andwaitedforthesecondprisoneronthelisttoreport
tothebench.Hetookanotherlookatthememoandshoutedinto
theblock:
"ZanvilLubliner!Comeandgetit!Snapto!Twentyinthe
ass!"
Spitzwasastumpyfellowofabouttwenty,borninGermany.
HissisterworkedintheLaborCommissioner'sofficeinMetro
poll,forwhichSpitzregardedhimselfasamanofhighstation.
Whenhewassenttolaborcamp,sheprobablyusedherinfluence
togethimappointedJewChief.Actually,nooneknewifhewas
bominGermany,orifhereallycamefromGalicia.Hehimself
boastedofhavingbeendeportedherefromtheoldReich.He
talkedpureSS,hadalargehumpofanose,archedlikeasickle,
whichgavehisfacetheappearanceofavulture.
RedItcheMeyerstoodready.SpitzwaslookingatMm,buthe
didn'treturnthelook.Theywerebothawarethatafter"tweaty
intheass"thefloggedmanwillbecarriedofftotheCarrionShed,
RedItcheMeyer'sshavedskullwasvioletHieflutteroftheslen
derveinsinhistempleswasvisibleevenatadistance.AlongMs
emaciatedneckranabulgingvein,likeawaterfilledhose.Behind
himstoodMsson,swayinglikeamaninaprayertrance,cease
lesslypinchingattheshriveledskinofMshands.
ZanvflLublineremergedfromamongthewoodenhutches.His
163
glancestumbledoverHarry's.Hesaidnothing,immediately
lookedawayfromHarryasthoughashamed,andcontinuedto
wardthebench.Harryfelthisbloodfreezeover.Herantothe
benchandletoutashout,"No!Zanvflisagoodworker!I'vegotto
bandagehiswoundsnow,Iwon'tlethimbekilled!"
Spitztookhisbootedfootoffthebench,sheathedtherodinhis
otherhandandagaindrewitoutfromtheclenchedfistasasword
fromascabbard.Heparkedhimselfarmsakimbo,likeSiegfried,
theSSman,whenheisabouttolayintoaprisoner.
"Zanvil!DownonthatbenchwithyouPSpitzordered.
"No!Isayno!"Harryshoutedfirmlyandresolutely.Heinserted
himselfbetweenZanvilandthebench.Hischilledbloodnow
gushedfullstrengthintohisarteries.Hefelthisarmsinewstight
en.Nowhewasreadyforanything:"No!IsayNO!"
"Medic,keepyournoseout!"Spitzwarned.Heshovedthepa
perslipintoHarry'sface."There,there'stheCat'smemo!Who's
gottoanswerforitanyway?Youorme?"heyelled.
"GototheCampCommander!Makeoutacomplaint.Illtake
thepunishmentonmyself!Youhear?Myself!"
*TvegotanorderandIaimtocarryitout.Yougocomplain
totheCampCommander.TellhimTmkillingagoodworker.But
watchout,medic.Betterdosomethingaboutthatbugupyour
ass!"
*Notworthit,Preleshnik,notworthit,"Zanvilmurmuredfrom
behindHarry,
T)own,youredcarcass!"SpitzswungaroundtooldItche
Meyer.Hewasfurious.ItwasclearthisJewwasn'tgoingtoget
upfromthebenckHarryfeltthatwithhisownhandshehad
galvanizedtherodinSpitz'shands.
JustthenItcheMeyer'ssonsprangforwardfrombehindhis
father.Hedashedtothebench,flunghimselfuponitandcried,
^JewChief!Havepity!Hogmeinsteadofpapa!DearJewChief!
SweetJewChief!Havepity,flogme!"
RedItcheMeyer,whoallthewhilehadstoodlikeastonepil
lar,suddenlysnappedoutofitHeleapedontothebenchand
dawedathisson'sthroatasthoughmeaningtostranglehim.
**Awayfromhere,Pini!Awayfromhere!Beoffwithyou!"
164
SparksflewfromMseyes,andthebulgingveinonMsneck
swelledtothepointofbursting."Away,PintPini>awayl"lie
screamed.
Harrysuddenlyrememberedsomething.Anideaflashed
throughMsmind.HewentuptotheJewChiefandwMspered
intoMsear,"Spitz,IhaveanH.6*backinthesickbay/*
"Whydidn'tyousaysointherstplace?...Whoresons!
Backtothehutcheswithyou!Tilfixyoulater!**hebawledwith
feignedangeratthetwodoomedJe%vs.
TR.6WwasaprivilegedGermancigarette,availableonlyto
Reichsdeutsche,whichHarryhadcomebyinastrangeway.
Thatsameday,asHarrysatinthesickbayengrossedin
thought,thekitchendoorwasflungopenandtogetherwiththe
ribaldGermanvoicessomeoneburstintothedarkblockandstag
geredforthesickbay.Harrywantedtorushupintooneofthe
hutchestohide,ashealwaysdoeswhenthesoundsofdrunken
revelrycarryfromtheGermanQuarters.Butthistimehedidn't
quitemakeitInthesickbaydoorhesawthedisheveledhairof
theblondGermanwhomhehadseenthroughthebarredlattice
awhileago.Nowshewasdrunk,halfnudeandhertwofall
breastsprotrudedfromheropenblouse.Sheregardedhimin
weirdrapture,fellathisfeet,embracedthemwithhernudearms,
andhalfinweeping,halfinecstasy,blubbered,"OhHolyOne,
comewithme.."
TheCampCommandercamerunningin.HetoreheroffTrfm,
liftedherfromthegroundandledherbacktotheGermanQuar
ters.Alongthewholelengthoftheblockshecontinuedstruggling
tobreakbacktothesickbay,anddidn'tstopblubbering;
"OhChrist!...OhHolyOne!..*
AfterawhiletheCampCommanderreturnedtothesickbay
andsmiledashesaid,""Well,Physician,youlookedprettyscared
oftheblondMagdalen.**
HepulledoutMscigarettecase,lithimselfacigarette,andbe
forethecasewasbadeinhispocket,theretumbledtothefloor
acigarette,
TElelax,Physician.Youwon'tbebotheredanymore,*hesaid.
Thisisn'tthefirsttimethatsuchacigarette"drops'*fromthe
165
CampCommander'scaseinHarry'spresence.Ithappensevery
timetheCommandercomestoinspectthesickbayandfinds
everythingtohisliking:bottlesarrayedonthetablewithutmost
precision,ineven,symmetricalranks,likesoldiers.Heespecially
likestheinventoryliststackedonthewall.Heisfascinatedbythe
sightoftheneat,pearlyhandwritingandtheperfectlystraight
linesdrawnthere.Noremarkstomake.Everythingisjustso.
UponwhichtheCampCommandertakesthecigarettecasefrom
hispocket,lightshimselfacigaretteanddownthefloorcomes
rollinganTIG."
ForHarrysuchacigaretteisarealsalvation.Hehasevende
visedanoriginaltechniqueofsmokingitHedoesn'tinhalethe
smokebuteatsit.Awholeweekaftergettingthecigarette,while
eatinghisbreadcrust,hetakesadrawonthecigarette.The
smokeblendswiththechewedbreadinhismouthandheswal
lowsthemdowntogether,thesmokewiththebread.Andever
sincehefirststartedeatingandeversincehefirststartedsmoking,
hehasneveryetsavoredsuchadelicacy.Atrueambrosia.Such
acombinationofbreadandsmoketarrieslongerinthestomach.
Theusualway,youdon'tfeelyou'veswallowedanything.The
bitepassesthroughthemouth,downthegulletandit'sallover.
Asthoughithadvanishedintothinair.Andthehungerinthe
stomachandthegutsisrightbackwhereitstarted.Infact,now
it'smoreinsolentthanever.Thegutshaveheardarumorthat
themouthhaseaten.Sotheycomecontractingandconverging
withagripe:Hey,what'sthiswehearaboutthemoutheating?
Well,whereisthatgrub?What'scomingoffhere?Who'strying
topullafastoneonus?
Butwhenthecrustinthemouthissaturatedwithadraughto
cigarettesmoke,thentheyallreallyfeelthetasteoffood:the
palate,thestomach,theintestines;andthemouthistitillatedby
anachingdelightthedivine,sweettoastedsavorofthecigarette.
Now,withSpitzstandingwiththedeathrodoverthelivesof
thelistedtwo,andtherewasnowayofsavingthem,Harrysud
denlyrememberedtheCampCommander'sgiftandhisTl.ff*
cigarettesavedtwoJewsfromtheCarrionShed.
ZanvilLublinerstoodjustbehindHarry.WhenHarryturned
166
around,hemetMsglance.Zanvilreturnedhimamoist,tearladen
lookAtfirst,whenhecametothebench,hiseyeswerebrittleas
clayshards.Andnowsuddenlytheyarerunningwithtears.Zan
villooked,saidnothing,andwalkedofftohishutchastheJew
Chiefhadcommanded.
AsHarrymadehiswaybacktothesickbay,Pinibentoverto
himfromhisthirdtierhutch,straineddowntowardTrimwith
outstretchedheadandarms,andsobbed,"Oh,Doc,Doc.**
Thatwasallhewasabletoletout.
Harrycontinuedtowardthesickbay.Fromtheotherendof
lieaislebetweenthehutches,Spitzcalledacrosstohim,**Ho5
Doc!Illbearoundtothesickbayafterlastgong!"
Harrydidn'treply.Hecontinuedwalking.Nearthesickbayhe
heardhisnamecalled.Heturnedhisheadandsawarchitect
Weisblum.
"Mr.Preleshnik,IthoughtI'dtellyouthatattheBaustelleto
day,anSSmankilledTedekwithashovelYouthinkmaybefrom
todayonIcouldhavethehalfsoupTedekusedtogetfromyou?**
Harryfeltthebloodsurgeintohisbrain.Hebitbislip,swung
around,andwentintothesickbay.
HeturnedonthelightOutsidestoodalonglineofsickThey
werewaitingforthemedictosavethem.
167
Chapter12
Itwasn'tuntillateinthedaythatDanieilafeltthepainbegin
toletup.Thesavagefirewhichhadbeenraginginherlowerab
domensubsidedsomewhat.Thescorchingheatthathadbeen
burnedthroughhervaginastillfulguratedandlappedwithinher
fullstrength.Thefocusofthepainatfirstconcentratedonone
pointwhereitdrilledaswithawhitehotdrilldulledsomewhat
asthepainspreadthroughoutthebody.
Largebeadsofsweatstreakeddownhernakedbody.Shehad
onlyjustbecomeawareofthem.Onlynowdidshefeelherself
welteringinthepoolofsweatstreamingdownherownbody.She
laywithupraised,splayedkneesfastenedtotwoverticalironrods
mountedonthetabletowhichshewasstrapped.Fromtimeto
timethelowerpartofherspineirradiatedalaceratingpain,,like
atongueofflameshootingfromanalreadysmotheredfire,and
racedupintotheteethclenchedinthemouthanddowntothe
toenailtipsofthedanglingfeet.Graduallytheintervalsbetween
onepainstabandanotherlengthened.Butthestrappedlifewith
inheralwaysanticipatedthestabtocome.
Throughthewirescreenofhercageshesawintheopposite
cagesgirlsembroideringredflowersonlinentablecloths.The
blockwindowwashungwithagailycoloredpapercurtain.Itwas
pinkedlaceworkfashionanditscenterwascutoutwithfigurettes
andanimals,justlikethecurtainsshesawfromthedistancein
thewindowsofthepinkblocksthedayshegotintocamp.
Throughasidedoortwomedicalorderliesinwhitesmocks
rolledinatableonsmallrubberwheels.Agirl'shaircascaded
168
overtheedgeofthetable.Thestillnessintheblockstoodheavy
andopaqueasbefore.Theybroughtthetableuptooneothe
cages,openedthedoor,pushedthetablein,wentoutandlocked
thecagedoorbehindthem.
ThroughthemainblockentrancetheGermanchiefphysician
followedbyhisstaffofassistantstroopedin.Thechiefphysician's
facewasstudious,likethefaceofascientistengagedinimpor
tantresearch.Hewaswearingawhite,turtlenecksmock,buton
MsheadwastheblackSScapwiththedeath'sheadbadgein
front.Hewentfromcagetocage,examiningthenotationsonthe
blackslatesattachedtothescreenofeachcage.Hisspeechwas
sober,composed,hisvoiceearnest,exactlythewayitwaswhen
hesawonherbodythemarkoftheMasterKalefactress*knout
Flogginghere,intheGermanlaborcamp?...
Hewentfromcagetocage,lookinginatthegirls,examining
themfromoutsidethescreen,likeascientistobservinghisguinea
pigs.Thegirlsdidn'tlookup.Theywentonembroideringthe
flowersonthetablecloths.
Intherowofcagesoppositewerethegirlswhoseexperiments
lastedforextendedperiods:artificialinsemination,twininsemina
tion,miscarriages,prematuredeliveries,andvariousmethodsof
castrationandsterilization.Therowofcagesontheleftbelonged
totheSurgicalExperimentDepartmentHerethegirlswerere
placedveryquickly;theydidn'tlastlong.Femaleorganswere
removedfromtheirbodiesandreplacedwithartificialones.On
themweretriedallsortsofpoisontablets,whichGermanpharma
ceuticalconcernssenttothechiefphysiciantobetestedonhu
mans.Naturally,theconcernspaidhandsomelyfortheexperi
ments,atratesfixedbythechiefphysician.
Herewasthecamp's"ScienceInstitute.**TheInstitutewashid
deninasidepathamongbedsofcrimsonblossoms.Eventhe
barbedwireherewasbedeckedwithfragrantcreepers.Admit
tancewasstrictlyforbiddentooutsiders,
INSTITUTEFOURHYGIENEANDSC3DENTEFTCBESE&BGHdeclareda
smallsignoutside.
WheneveranewtransportarrivedattheJoyDivision,the{^rk
wouldgothroughtikeSurgeryBlockoftheScienceInstitute,
169
whichwasemptiedouttoreceivethem,andheretheywereall
sterilizedinonebatch.Bythenextday,theywereallreadytobe
admittedtotheJoyDivision.SinceDaniellawasanextraordinary
case,shewassterilizedintheResearchBlock,inacagewhich
happenedtobeavailablethatday,
ThechiefphysiciancameuptoDaniella'scagefollowedclosely
byhisassistants.HerehestoppedandstudiedDaniella.
...Schultze!SchultzeinhisblackGestapocapaimingthetip
ofhiscaneathereyes!She'slyingonthegroundinthewoods.
...AnotherminuteandSchultzewillinflictahorribledeathon
her,.
Throughthewirescreen,theeyesofthosestandingoutside
lookedinatherasintothecageofsomerarecreatureinazoo.
Shewaslyingnaked,herpartedkneesstillstrappedtotheiron
rodsatbothsidesofthetable.Inthehandofoneoftheassistants
shesawthesameinstrumentwhichtheyhadthatmorningin
serteddeepintohervagina.Herbodyshudderedinstinctively.
...theinstrumentreachesouttohereyeslikeSchultze'scane.
NowtheyregoingtobringHarryin.They'llholdhimtight,make
himwatchwhattheydotoher...Shewantedtoscream,but,
asinthedream,thescreamsstuckinherthroat.Herstrappedlife
writhedwithinher.Herwholebodytrembled.
Thechiefphysicianlookedatherwithbenigneyesandsaid
soothingly,"Now,now.Tomorrowyoullbeoutofhere/*And
turningtoleave,hefinishedthesentencetowardtheassistants:
TheJungs*willbepleasedwithher...J9
FromtheadjacentroomtheSlovaMandoctorcamein.Sheheld
aglassjarinherhand.Insidethejarabloodychunkofflesh,
shapedlikeahumanheart,floatedinclearliquid.Shehandedthe
jartothechiefphysician.Hehelditupagainstthelightofthe
window,examinedtheorganthroughtheglassofthejar.Hethen
wentuptothecagewherethegirlwhohadbeenwheeledinwas
lying.Helookedalternatelyatherandattheexcisedorganfloat
inginthejar.Then,withwhitechalk,hedrewoverthewhole
surfaceoftheblackslateattachedtohercage,twolinesforming
anXthatistosay:Everythingenteredontheslateisherebynull
boys.
170
andvoid.TheExperimentUnitwilldie.Tomorrowthecageisto
beavailable.
Thechiefphysicianwasgrave.HepointedoutDaniella'scage
totheSlovalciandoctor."Thetreatmenthastobecompleted
there/'hesaid."Tomorrowthecagemustbevacant.7'Hewentout
oftheblock,hisassistantsrespectfullyanddeferentiallyatMs
heels.
Theblockwasallsilence,asiftherewerenotalivingperson
initwhyhadn'tsheheardherownscreamswhentheSlova
kiandoctorlitthefireinsideherbelly?Shecouldclearlyfeelher
selfscreamingasthoughshehadscreamedintoadeepvacuum
Noonehereletoutasound.Itwasstillasinanunderground
aquarium.Thecageslinedthewholelengthoftheblockwalls,
lookinglikecageswithdrowsyanimalswhohadbeenbroughtin
fortiedayintoatemporarytentofatravelingcircus.Nowthey
areresting.Atnighttheywillbeputonshowtothecrowds.
Nursescameincarryingtrays,loadedwithwhiteandredbowls.
Theyworewhitelinenshoes;theirstepswereinaudible.Silently
theyapproachedeachcage,openedthedoor,setdownabowl
offood,lockedthedoor.Sofromcagetocage.Bythenotations
ontheblackslatestheyknewwheretheyshouldplacewhich
colorbowl,andwithwhichcagetheywerenoteventobother.
IntheXmarkedcagestheyknewitwasawastetoputanyfood.
BettersavetheportionsforthecagesoftheExperimentUnits
withthepregnantbellies.
Thecreatureintheisolatedcagestarestenselythroughthe
screen.Itcan'twaitforitsbowloffoodtobeputin.Theeyes
staredumbandimbecilicfromunderlong.,bushyeyebrows,and
themouthismute.Whenitwasinstalledinthecage,itwasa
lovelyyounggirlinherbloom.Nowitlookslikeamummyun
wrappedfromitsshrouds.Thebrowispointed,thehairgrowth
abnormalanditscomplexionbizarre.Thefaceisplowedwith
wrinkles,likethemeatofa*walnut.Noindicationonthiscreature
whetheritismaleorfemale.ItlooksmoreMkeaman.Itsbe
haviorisnormal,likeadenizenofthisplanet,whichbelongs,
however,tosomeancient,primevalera.AsthoughtheGermans
hadsucceededinresurrectingtheirNeanderthalMan.
171
TlieSlovakiandoctorreturnedfromanearbyroom.Sheopened
Daniella'scage.Thetreatmenthastobecompleted.Thecage
mustbeavailabletomorrow.Hereverymovementtellshowriled
sheis.Apparently,shestillhasn'tforgottentheHckinthebelly
shegotfromtheCampCommanderbecauseofDaniella.An
grilyshejerksopentheleatherstrapsonDaniella'sarmsandup
raisedknees,pullsabloodtestsyringeoutofthebreastpocketof
herwhitetunic,jabsitirritablyintoDaniella'sarmandsnarls,"So,
itwasn'tgoodenoughforyouintheLaborDivision,eh?Youjust
hadtocomehere!Well,thesoldiershere7!!teachyou!"
Insidetheglasstubeofthehypodermicneedlerosethecrimson
liquid:Herblood!Shelookedatit.Thesappedoutbloodsud
denlybecameterriblyclose.Itseemedtohertheyarenowex
tractinghermostintimate,1*raalessenceherlife!Theinner
mostwithinher,whichsheherselfhasneverseen,isnowbeing
transfusedintotheglasstube.They'regoingtoturnherintoa
crimsoncreature!Queerredhair!Apointedbrow!Theywillseal
herinaglassjarandthereshewillfloataboutforalleternity.
ThedoctorcompletedthetreatmentShewentoutandslammed
thecageshutbehindher.
Daniellaliesonthetableunstrapped,butshefeelsherselfun
abletomovealimb."Thesoldierswillteachyou,.,thesoldiers
willteachyou.,.thesoldiers**
,..atrolleyjammedwithgirls..,midnight...ayellow
bulbburningoverhead...thehangingstrapsswayingtoand
fro,toandfro..."13"pressesagirlagainsthisbodyandhis
hoarseGermanicvoicejeers:"Thesoldierswillteachyou/*"If
youknewwhereyou'rebeingtaken,youwouldn'tbestruggling
outofmyarmsnow../*
Slowlyshesatuponthetable.Fromtheoppositesidethewhite
Xstaredbackatherfromtheblackslateonthecageofthegirl
whohadbeenwheeledinbefore.Theheadofthegirltossedand
turnedwithoutceasefromsidetoside,toandfro,toandfro,like
thehangbgstrapsonthetrolleyceiling.Hereyelidswereshut
tightFromtimetotimehermouthtwistedintoagrimaceofhor
riblenausea,orasthoughshewerescreaminginahorrordream.
ButnotasoundissuedfromherthroatDaniellascrutinizedliar
172
closely.Thefacelookedsofamiliar.Wherehassheseenthisface?
Shejustcouldn'tplaceit.
Intheoppositecagesthegirlswiththepregnantbellieswere
embroideringredflowersonwhitetablecloths.Theydidn'traise
theireyesfromthelinen.Theirhandsworkedflick,lick,andsud
denlyhalted,withtheneedlehalfstuckinthelinen.Againflick,
flick,andagainhaltAsthoughtheirthoughthadsuddenly
snagged.Theblockwasstillasanundergroundaquarium.Girl
handslikelittlefish,dartingflick,flick,andsuddenlyhalt,ab
sorbed.
...ofcourse!Thisisthegirlwhohadlainnexttoheronthe
groundintheAssemblyBlockthenighttheygothere!Thesame
girlwhohadexplainedthemernfc^<*ftheGermanwordFELB
HUKEontheirflesh:"Well"he**;;ipirtyoftheGermangovern
ment,thewaymyfather'shorsesbecamethepropertyofthe
PolishgovernmentFromnowonwewotfthavetoworryabout
athing/'shesaid."TheGermanswilltakecareofus.They'llfeed
usandnobodywillbeallowedtoharmusanymore/*
Nowsheliesthereinthecage,andtheorganwhichhadvital
izedherbuddingmaidenhoodlikethelushseedofafruitbearing
treenowfloatsinatransparentJarintheroomoftheGerman
chiefphysician.Maybehewillsucceedintransplantingthisup
rootedchunkoflifeintothebellyofaGermanwoman,andthere
theorganwillgoonliving,bringingitsfruittotheworldmany
moreGermanscientistslikehimself.
"Tilltheendofthewarwe'llbelongtotheGemmm...*For
thisonelyingtherethewarisover.ThewhiteXalloverthe
blackslateaboveherheadcertifiesthatHerpainisgaggedwith
inher.TheEesearchBlockdoctorhaddelimitedit:Itmaygoas
farasherthroat,butnofurther.Sheissilent,asall,theothershere
aresilentIntheResearchBlockitmustbequietAbsolutely
quietSoasnottodisturbtheresearchbeingconductedherefor
thebenefitofcivilization.
INSTITDTEFORHYGIENEANDSCIENTIFICRESEARCH.
Outsidestretchedlovelyvistasoftreesandblossoms.Theblock
walkweresteepedinroses.Theroseswerered,andfromthedis
tancetheGermanScienceBlockseemedafloatonabloodlaka
173
Chapter13
JoyDivision.
Hero,intherosetintedblocks,therewasnoflogging.Herethey
keptclosewatchoverthegirls'bodiestokeepthemwhole,un
damaged.Here,whenagirlwasfloggedshewasnotpermittedto
returntotheJoyDivision.Shewasimmediatelytossedonthevan
andOfftothecrematorium!
Hereeverygirlgotanewoutfit.Everyweekcleanunderwear.
ComparedtothefoodintheLaborDivisionitreallywasparadise
here,asRenyaZeidnerhadsaid.Butthegirlswholapsedintosin
inthisparadisereceiveda"report.**Justa"report."Sinnerswith
threesuch"reports'*wereledout,usuallywiththearrivalofa
newtransport,totheExecutionSquare,whereElsa,theMaster
Kalefactress,cleansedthesinoutoftheirbodies.SinPurgation
itwascalled.Uponwhichthepurgatedbodiesweretossedonthe
van:Lettheothermaidensofparadisebeholdandbewareofsin.
Here,everyday,attwoo'clock,Germansoldiers,ontheirway
totheRussianfront,camefromthenearbytransitdepotstoen
tertainthemselveswiththegirlsoftheDollHouse.Thegirlshad
toputtheirallintothesatisfactionoftheiresteemedguests.If
suchaguestwasnotsatisfiedwiththe"enjoyment,"hehadonly
toreportit,onleaving,intheorderlyroomandgivethegirl's
breastnumber.Afterthreesuch"reports"thegirlwasautomati
callydoomed:Shehadn'tdulyappreciatedthegreathonorbe
stoweduponher;shehadmadelightofthehonorofaGerman
waniorl
Elsa,theMasterKalefactress,isapurebloodedGermanfrom
174
Diisseldorf.Thegreencriminaltrianglepatch,onherbrown
sweaterdenotesthatbeforethewarshehadbeensentencedto
lifeimprisonment.Whatcrimeshadearnedhertillspenaltyno
oneinthecampknows.WhatisknownisthatwhentheGermans
establishedthiscamp,theytookherfromprisonandbroughther
heretoserveasMasterKalefactress.Andthechoiceturnedout
tobeahappyonetherightpersonintherightvocation.
ElsaofDiisseldorfisnowthealmightysuzeraineoverthe
dwellersoftheJoyDivision.Thecrudestitchingofseveralknife
slashesonherfacemakesitdifficulttodetermineherage.She
hasatall,slenderframe,whichsheisconstantlytryingtoempha
sizebywearingtightfittingridingbreeches,whichshetucksinto
herbootscavalrystyle.Shehastwonarrowsitsforeyes,clamped
lipsandalong,dark,scarriddenfacethatisconstantlyaflame
withunsatedsexualdesireandviolentjealousy.Itmayverywell
havebeenhermonstrousoutwardappearancethathadmadeher
aleadingcandidateforthispost
It'spossiblethatmenhadalwaysshunnedElsa.Herlacerated
facemayevenbeasouvenirofthat,Buthere,intheJoyDivision,
wheresheisalmightyruler,Elsaisconsumedwithjealousyofher
subjectsandgivesthemthebruntofit.DuringEnjoymentDuty
sheroamsthroughtheblocks,cravingtodrawtheattention
oftheGermanguests.Whentheyarriveincamp,shegreetsthem
infrontoftheblocks,strutsherpureGermanpedigreebefore
them.Sheputsablacksatinbandontheothersleeve,too,forall
toseefromallsidesjustwhoandwhatsheishereintheJoyDi
vision.Butifsnouse.Notoneofthesoldiersisreceptivetoher
overtures.Theyspurnherandchoosetogointotheblockstoher
despisedserfs.
Forsuchcarryingsonthealmightysuzerainehasalreadytaken
apublicflogging.Sheoncesetupononeofthe*guestsandtried
tobendhimtoherdesire.Thesoldierextricatedhimselffromher
violentembrace,spitinherace,andwentintotheorderlyroom
tocomplain.OutcameYaga,theblondCampCommander,and
withthebraidedknoutinTierhandletthepantingMasterKale
factresshaveitacrosstheLead.Elsatooktheflayinginsilence.
Onlyherlipswrithedwildlyandhereyeslitsshotarrowsohate
175
attheBlondBeast.SheloiewthatYagagoeseveryfewdaysto
herloverthecommanderofthenearbylaborcampinNieder
waldentocoolherownlustButshealsoknewthatshemust
taketheflogginginsilence.FortoYaga,Elsawasjustanother
prisoner.Later,Elsatookoutthelashingonthegirlswhosesole
rulershewas.
DuringEnjoymentDutyElsaroamsthroughtheblocks,osten
siblytoseeifthegirlsareapplyingthemselvesproperlyandgiv
ingtheirguestsfullsatisfaction.Sheobservesthegirlsastheylie
underthesoldiers,eagertocatchthematthesinof"indifference."
Sheremindsthegueststhattheymaycomplainaboutit;thatin
campheadquarterssuchindifferencecallsfora"report."
Elsawantedtoslakethefiresofherlustwiththebloodofthe
girls.Indeed,theheightofherpleasurewasinpurgatingthegirls*
bodiesofsinintheExecutionSquare,
AfterEnjoymenthours,whentheGermanshaveleftthecamp,
Elsastalksthroughthecamplikeafrenziedbeastinheat.The
girlsallquakeinterror.FirsttheGermans,nowElsa.Outofone
hellandintothenext.EverysooftenElsagetsholdofoneofthe
girls,dragsherintoherroom,throwsherselfuponherandsniffs
alloverherbody,drinkingintohernostrilsthescentoftheman
whohadjustdetachedhimselffromthegirLWoebetidethegirl
whodoesnotfulfillallElsa'sdesires.Elsaknowshowtomake
suchagirlreachastatewhereshewillautomaticallygeta"re
port'*Butwhoisthegirlwhocangratifythebottomlesspassion
ofElsaofDiisseldorf?
ThereisnomeasuringElsa'selationwhenitisgiventoherto
announcetoagirlthatshehasusedupallher"reports.**Hereyes
heatupinglee.Thegirlstandshypnotized.BothElsaandthe
girlsensethatthevictimnowbelongscompletelytoElsa:both
herbodyandhersoulhavenowpassedirrevocablyintothetitle
oftheMasterKalefactress.Elsa'smouthgoesintoweirdcontor
tions.Herthinlipsbaretiny,sparseteeth.Shefixesthegirlwith
theeyesofapythonabouttoentwineitsprey,andwithdiabolic
slownessrollsoutthewords:
THpurifyyou...Nowyouaremine...Allmine...HI
porifyyouproper...Butfirst,comewithme...*
176
Tliegirlstandstransfixed.Elsa'seyesaxeinsidehereyes.She
can'twrigglefreeoftheeyes.Shedoesnotscream.Shedoesnot
weep.Shedoesnotflee.ShestaresatElsa'sfaceandseesinit
theExecutionSquare.ThepictureofSinPurgationisfamiliar
toherineverydetail.Shehasseenitmorethanonce.Nowsheis
numb.Elsa'sarmswrapthemselvesaroundher.Thehandspaw
herwholebody,drawherupagainstthebrownsweater.Words
reachherearsfromElsa'stwistedmouthasoutofthedepthsof
hell.
"Iwillpurifyyou...Purifyyou...Butfirstcomewithme
intomyroom..r
ElsaofDiisseldorfwalks,leadinghervictimpressedclose
againstherbody.Bothtakeheavysteps,asinatrance.Theypace
towardtheroomasifgoingtheretoperformaritual;asthough
there,inElsa'schamber,werethesanctuaryoftheNewHuman
Civilization.
II
WhenDaniellareachedthesquareoftheJoyDivision,Tzivia
ofChebinrantoher.Sheisanxioustoknowhowhersister
HannaisgettingalongintheLaborDivision,fromwhereDan
iellaisnowcoming.
ForamomentDaniellastoodtheredumbfounded.Shewasnot
preparedforsuchaquestion.TheResearchBlockhadmadeher
forgetcompletelytheLaborDivision.ButhardlyhadTzivia
soundedthenameTEanna"thanthescenecamebacktoheras
thoughitwerejusthappening;Hannadungovertherailsand
HenfecheltheMoonplacidlycirclingherbody,andwiththe
shovelhandlelaying,bytarn,intoherelbows,herfeet,"herhead
waitingforhertoscream.Screamallthemore.Butscream.The
moreharrowing,themoreheartreading^thebetterHentsdfael
willlikeitAsthoughHanna'sscreamsweremusictohisears.
HannahscriesagainresoundedinDaniella*searsasthoughHanna
werenowscreaminghere,rightbesidehat:
inJwamn!Godinheaven!...**
177
Daniellastoodtheredumbfounded.Tzivialookeddirectlyat
hermouth,waitingforareply.
"Whatisit,Daniella?What'shappened?**Tziviaaskedfright
ened,
Daniellashookherselfinstinctively,likeonecomingtoafter
astunningblowonthehead.SherememberedthatTziviahad
askedheraquestionandsnapped:
"WhatdoyoumeanliowisHannagettingalong?She'swork
ing,likealltheothers."Shewonderedwhythewordscameout
ofhermouthsocrossly.
Tveheardtheyworkveryhardthere.HowdoesHannafeel
duringwork?She'ssoweak!"Tziviaaddedwithgreatconcern.
Bytheoutletofthelakegirlssitscrubbingtheireatingutensils.
OnthebridgestandstheSSsentry,gunproppedontherailing,
barrelpointedatthegirls.Redbulbsgleamonthepolesofthe
barbedwirewall,indicatingthatthewiresarechargedwithhigh
tension.Totherightrangetherosyblocks;girlsgoinandoutof
them.Throughthenarrowspaceswhitingbetweentheblocks
showsthebarbedwirewallrunningontheothersideoftheJoy
Division.Fromafaritseemstohavesproutedfromtheearthto
getherwiththecrimsonflowers.Justbeyondthebarbedwireare
theLaborDivision;theBaustelle.KenyaZeidnerthereissurely
thinkingofhernow:Soshe'salsogoneovertotheDollHouse!
Nowshellalsobegettingtwosoupseveryday,gorgeherselfon
thesausageandmargarinewhichbyrightsbelongtotheLabor
Divisiongirls!AndwhentheyleadheroffnakedtotheExecution
Square,hereyeswillbumpintoKenyaZeidner'seyesthroughthe
doublebarbedwiremesh.Renyawillthenseehowstuffedsheis.
Renyawilllook.No!Justdon'tletherlookatherthatway!Ken
ya'seyespierceherthroughandthrough.Shecan'tbearthatlook.
She'sbeinglednakedtothestoolsintheExecutionSquareand
Kenya'seyeslookwithscornandloathing
THowdoesHannafeelthereduringwork?"Tziviarepeated,her
eyesstillonher,
Daniellawantstoavertthishorribleconversation.Shefeelsshe
justcantbearitThewirefencesandtheblockroofsswimbefore
hereyes.Anotherminuteandshellslumptotheground.
178
4<HannafeelslikealltlieotIiers!wsheblurts.
TvemadeupmymindtogoovertoManna/*Tziviasaid."I
don'twanttostayhere,eveniftheyMilme.1wanttobetogether
withmysister.Iwon'tstayinallthiswickedness!"
Daniellaturnedfrightenedeyesuponher:
Tzivia,haveyougoneoutofyourmind?Tzivia,forpity's
sake!"
TvealreadytoldtheMasterKalefactressaboutit,"shesays.
Daniellaseizedherwithbothhands:"AndwhatdidtheMas
terKalefactresstellyou?"
"WhenIhavethree'reports*shellsendmetoHanna,"Tzivia
innocentlyrepeatedtheMasterKalefactress'words.
Danielladidnotasyetknowwhat"report"meant.
HI
Seveno'clockinthemorningisBedBuildingParadeinthe
rosyblocks.Elsa,theMasterKalefactress,andherstaffinspect
thebedstoseeiftheyhavebeenTbuilt"accordingtoregulation.
Here,intheJoyDivision,thebedreignssacredandsupreme.And
themaidensofparadiseareitskeepers.
Atthefootofeachbedismarkedthenumberbrandedinthe
fleshofthebed'sguardian.AndhereElsahasawidescopeto
causethingstotakesuchaturn,thatduringEnjoymentDutythe
girlwon'tbeabletohelpgettinga^report."
Fiftybedstoablock,twentyfivetoawaH,oppositeeachother,
andaclearaisledownthecenter.Attheheadofeachbed,a
narrowcloset,fortheclothesofthenobilitycominghereforEn
joymentHighinthecloset,asingleshelf,forthegirl'seating
utensils.Toinsurethecleanlinessoftheutensils,everymorning
atteno'clockthereisUtensilParade,Godhelpthegirlwhose
utensilsshowupwithsomuchasaspeck,whosespoonisnotlaid
outstricdyaccordingtothebook,thesmellofwhosebowlisnot
entirelytoEka'staste.Suchathingmeans;Theownerofthe
utensilhasbeenincooadarateoftheestheticsensibilitiesofher
Mgfabornguests,whoalsoavailthemselvesoftheclosetForsuch
179
asinElsahasuniquepenaltiesofherown,whichsoonerorlater
aresuretoimpelthegirltoa"report."
Veryearlyinthemorning,withthefirstknellofthegong,there
isgreatagitationintheblocks;BedBuilding!Eachgirlworks
feverishlybentoverherbed,handsfranticwithfear:Willher
BedBuildingpasstoday?Willshesucceed?Andifshefails?
"Helpme,God!Helpme,God!"thelipsflutterasthehands
scrambleaboutbuildingthebed,andthetearsdropandareup
holsteredintothelong,narrowdeathlitters.
Hiebedlookslikeanarrow,longchestItisfilledwithwood
shavingscoveredwithadarkgrayblanket,themattress.Over
that,asecondblanketforcovering;andatthehead,apillowcase
filledwithshavings.Toallappearancesthatisall.Buthowmany
blamelessbuddingliveshasthebeddevouredinthemereBuild
ing!Foritisasolemndutytobuilditinstrictaccordancewith
theprinciplesofGermanpunctiliousness.Andstandingfirmon
thedischargeofthisdutyisElsaofDiisseldorf.
Firstofall,thelowerblanketthemattressthatistosayisre
quiredtobesmoothasamirror.Notadent,notabulge,evened
outaswithacarpenter'slevel.Consequently,firstcometheshav
ings,which,frombeinglainupondayandnight,formkinky
lumpshereandhollowdipsthere.Butthisyoucan'texplainto
anyoneinparadise,forneitherYaga,theBlondBeast,norElsaof
Diisseldorfsleepsonwoodshavings,nordotheyever"build"a
bed.Thatisdoneforthembythekalefactressesinattendance
uponthem.
Andnow,thestrictestregulationofall:Themattressblanket
mustbeexactlyfourincheshigherthantheframeofthechest
bed.Precisely4.0.Notahairsbreadthmoreorless.Sothat
togetherwiththeupperblanketthe**build**shouldnotbemore
thanfiveinchesabovethesideboards.Theinchesarepunctilious
lydrawnoneachbedpost
4.0inches.
Theterrifying4.0inchesofBedBuilding.
Finally,theupperblanketmustspreadlevelandsmoothover
thewholelengthofthebed,escarpatthepillowandlapoverit
intwolinesparallel,sharp,angular,liketinsheets.Andtocrown
ISO
itall,ahorribledeathisinstoreif,Godforbid,ahairorwispof
shavingisfoundontheupperblanket.
THEBEDTHEHOLYOFHOLIES!Asignblaresthewarningfrom
thewallofeachblock.
EverymorningatsevenElsaandhercohortcometroopingin
forinspection.Thegirlsstandattaut,erectattention,eachbythe
bedofherkeeping.Thebednowbecomesanintegralpartofher
body,avitalorganinwhichthewholenervoussystemisconcen
trated.Herlifenowfoldsitselfintothedark,narrowbedchest
Theybecomeonethegirlandherbed.Onenumberidentifies
themboth.Andtheheartnolongerthumpsinthebreast,but
there,inthelongnarrowbed.Andtheterrornolongerthrobsin
thebody,butthere,inthedarklinewheretheblanketescarpsthe
pillowthe4.0inchline.
"Helpme,God!Helpme,God!"theheartentreatsfrominside
thebed.
Elsastopsbythefirstbed,goesdownononeknee,shutsher
righteye,aimsherlefteyedowntherowofbeds.Thepillowline
ofthefirstbedmustbeperfectlyalignedwiththepillowlineof
thetwentyfifthbed.She'sapurebloodedGerman,isElsaof
Diisseldorf.SheknowswhatGermanprecisionisandshellteach
ittothisshitnation,theJewishwhores.
Ifabedisfoundoutofline,Elsaimmediatelyordersthenum
berofthebedenteredinthebook.Elsadelightsinthemereut
teringoftheorder.Andwhileherclerkwrites,Elsaeyeshervic
timwithhernarroweyeslits,armsfoldedacrossherchest,one
bootedlegthrustforward,hermouthwrithing.Shesmirks,baring
herstubbyJagsofteeth,whosegapsareblackerthantheteethare
white.AndiffatehaspointedtoabeautifulgirlaahlElsahates
beautifulgirlstothedeath.
Afterinspection,ElsaassemblestheBedBuildingvictimsand
ordersthemtokneebend:squat,kneesbent,handsclasped
aroundthenape,rumpnottodaretouchtheground.Thegirls
mustsitthiswayfromearlymorninguntilEnjoymentDutyattwo
o'clock,whenthe'GermanscometotheDo!Houseto"enjoy.**
Aftersuchakneebendthegirlsareincapableofmovinganarm
oraleg.Thewholebodyisoneknotofpainwhichcannotbear
18J
touching.Thegirlsareincapableofstraighteningtheirlegs.,let
alonewalking.Theyhavetobeled.Andthus,slumpedagainst
theircomrades,theyaredraggedtotheirbeds,toperformtheir
taskatEnjoymentDuty.
Nowonder,then,thatthenobleguestlatercomplainstothe
orderlyroom:The"number"didn'tsatisfyhim.TheEnjoyment
wasaflop.Thegirlwasn'tsweettohim.Treatedhimwithindif
ference.
Surehetookdownthenumber.Here.Andheturnsthenumber
overtotheoffice.
"Report9!
BedBuildingParadeisfollowedbyotherParades.Eating
UtensilParade;SmockParade.Toeachparadeitsvictims,and
Elsaimpelshervictimstoastatewheretheywillbring'"reports"
onthemselves.Andsoon,andon.
AndElsaofDiisseldorfisnottobesated.
182
14
EnjoymentDuty.
Thereisnotasoundintheblock.Thegirlssit,eachonherbed,
legsproppedonthefloor.Fiftybeds,intwosinglefiles,withfifty
girlsseatedbackstoeachother.Noonehaddecreedthisseating
arrangementTheyseemtobesittingthiswaydeliberately,so
theirglancesshouldnotmeetFeariscontagious.Soontheywill
becalledupontosmile.Thesmileisnotoptional.Thesmile
atteststothegirfsattitudetoEnjoymentHerlifedependson
thesmile.Soontheywillbecalledupontobehappy.
Thereisnotasoundintheblock
Forawhileyettheyarepermittedtocommunewithfear,with
thisthingabouttotakeplacehere.Nowtheyarestillpermitted
tofeelthehorrorofwhatawaitsthem.Andtheyabandonthem
selvestotheopenarmsoffear*whichanymomentwillhaveto
givewaytotheGermans.Soontheirfaceswillwearsmiles.Use
nobleGermanguesthasn'tcomeheretolookatsadeyes.Hehas
cometoEnjoy!Togethisbucketfulofjoy!Thatcleartothe
Doll?IfnotHellmakeitdeartoher!Firstofall,let*shavethe
number!HewantsacopyofthenumberinMspocketJustfor
theheckofitAfterwards,whenhepassesbytheorderlyroam,
heUthinkitover.Butjustnow,withherbrandnumberalready
fotteddowninhispocket,lettheDollbesogood'astolovehim
tip!ThewayheIkesit!Withgusto!Gaydoesit!Hewantsto
gethisfilofherjustthewayliewashesdownamugofPrassxaa
beer,wMtefoamandafl.
183
Outside,thegongbooms
Twoo'clock.
It'stime.
Thereisnotasoundintheblock.Fiftygirlsasitheyhad
nothingtosaytoeachother.Fiftybedslikefiftystoolsarrayed
ontheExecutionSquarebeforethenakedbodiesarestrapped
tothem.
Outside,Germanvoicesareapproaching.Elsaisscreeching
finalorderstothekalefactxesses,drowningouttheGermans*
ribaldry.Maybethatwillhelpdrawtheirattentionandserve
themnoticejustwhoandwhatsheishere.EvenYagalingerson
thesquareinfrontoftheblocks.Theyhustleandbustleand
shoutoutsidelikestagedirectorsbeforecurtaintimeonopening
nightAnymomentnowtheblockgatewillopen,andtheGer
manswillcomein.
Fiftybedslikefiftybeforethefiringsquad,standingmotion
lessinastraightrow,staringintothegunmuzzles,waitingforthe
bullettopiercetheheartsilentTheyhavenothingtosayto
eachother.
Everyday.Atexactlytwoo'clock.
Daniellalooksatthebackofthegirlsittingonthebedinfront
ofher:thethin,bluepinstripesofthesmockdazzlehereyes.
Thegirl'shairstreamsdowntohernapeasthestripesonher
backliftfromthesmock,up,up,nowcoveringthehairaswell,
withdrawfromtheback,hoverinmidair.Allatoncethestripes
looklikebars...acage...thegirlissittinginabarred
cage...thestripesonthebacksofallthegirlssuddenlywith
drawandarelikebars...tworowsofcages...ineachcage
agirl'sback,motionless,waitingforthechiefphysiciantocome
andperformscientificresearchonherbody...
Stillness.Asthoughtheairwereclogged.TheGermanvoices
reachinfrombeyondtheblockwindowasthoughitallwere
happeningfar,faraway,andthey,themselves,wereinthatfar
away.Theknellsofthegongrolloutoftheskyundertheir
echoes,ascloakedinlongblackcapes.Theknellsdriftearth
ward,thetrainsoftheircapestrailingacrosstherooftopsand
coveringtherosyblocksaswithashroudofblackDarkness.
184
Butshefeelsthegongknellsarelookinginatherthroughthe
blockwindowtogetherwiththeGermanvoices.Theyguffaw*..
thegirls*headsspinbeforehereyeslikewheels...wheelsof
anighttrolleydownKongressia'sdrowsingstreets...wheels
oflocomotives...WHEELSAWAYTOVICTORY!..Jeeringfaces
ofconductors...Sheisinherroom..andnowsheisin
Metropolistationamongthegirlsofthetransport...**Dani,
whyareyougoingaway?""Tobringyouapresent,mypet*The
wheelsgrindclangorouslyintorails.Knivescutthewheelsshe
willgrabaknifeandslashtheGerman'sbodywhenhe'slying
onher.TheknifeslashesandripsandtheGermansbloodspurts
ontoherbreasts,overherbrandednumber.NightCrimsonnight.
ThestreetsofKongressiaarefastasleep,buttheironwheelsof
thenighttrolleygrindwithterrificclangoralongthetracks.She
stabsandslasheswiththeknife,andtheblueInscriptionFELD
HDBEisred,floodedwithGermanblood.Herfingersaresticky
withbloodandhereyesseethelettersFELDHCBEfloodedwith
blood,thewaytheJXJDEbrandedonthebrowofSfalamek'sfather
brimmedoverwithblood.Bloodforblood.Germanblood
Thedoorburstsopen.TheblockfillswithGermans.Uproar.
Commotion.Countlessblackboots.Aseethingcaldron.German.
Shouts.Guffaws.Nomorebars.Nocages.Everythingunloosed,
Nowheels.Theroundheadofthegirlslumpedbackonthebed
head
EnjoymentDuty.
AtDaniella'sbed,theGermanhangshisJacketintheclosed
Intheadjacentbed,thegirllooksrightintotheGerman'seyes.
Shesmilesbuthersmileweeps,asthoughshehaddrawnitout
ofajaroftearswhereithadbeensoaking.Thegirl'seyesrake
throughtheGerman'scountenance,tryingtodivineasbyface
reading:Whatdoesthisfacehaveinstoreforhertoday?Isthere
ahumansparkhiddenbehindit?Shesearchesforthespark.She
wantssotofindit,holdontoit,reachoutahandtoitlikea
drowner.Herlifeisnowinhishands.ShenowbelongstoMm*
allofher.Hewillexpresshisopinionabouther.Hisopinionan
irrevocableverdict.Willhesatehimself,likethebeastgorging
downitsprey,gruntingandgoingitsway,orwillheletherhave
185
a"report"justforkicks,soasnottomissoutonthisextraplea
sure?
Daniella'searsareclogged.ThebawdyGermanshoutsreach
intoherearsasfromagreatdistance,likethewildechoesofa
cannibalchant.Sheknowsherhairisbeingpulledat,butshe
feelsnopain.Hereyesareshut,butsheseesthelaceworkofthe
curtainshungovertheblockwindowswiththefigurettescutout
intheircenter.Thefigurettesarewhitewithdaylight,"German
soldierswillteachyou!"Outofthelouddebaucheryrisesthe
hoarse,heavyvoiceoftheGermancroakingintoherear.Her
eyesareshutThevoicehasarubicund,drunkenface,aleather
jacket:*13"...Thesamecurtains...asintheResearch
Blockwindows.."Germansoldierswillteachyou!.."
ThefaceoftheNeanderthalmummyislyingonher,pawingher,
lickingherface.Sheliesboundasinthecage,kneesastraddle,
unabletomovealimb.Can'tescape.Sparks.Yellowsparksspurt
ingfromredcircles.Themummycoversher.Shefeelshissmell.
Hismouthisajar.Hugebareteeth,likeabeast's.Hisfingersdig
intoherbodyMkeacrab'spincers.Thechiefphysicianlooksin
atherinthecage,faiseyessmilebenignly.Sheliesstrappedto
thetablerods.Shecan'tstir.Schultzesendshislongcaneather.
Therubbertipnearshereye.Anymomentanditwillpierceher
eye,suckoutherlife.Schultzesniggers.HewearsablackSS
cap.Schultzehe'sthechiefphysician.Hisfacelooksverygrave
asheturnstotheGermansbehindhiminYablovawoodsand
says,"The'Jwzgs9willbepleasedwithher."Thegirlsinthecages
oppositeembroiderredblossomsonlinentablecloths.Anunfin
ishedblossomlikethesmashedheadofthehistoryteacherin
thebloodpuddle...Shewantstoscream.Herheadtossesfrom
sidetoside,likethegirlwhoseorganwastornoutofherand
putintheJar.Sheopenshermouthwide,wantstoscream,but
cannot.Sheisafraid.Thefearplugsherthroatlikeacork.Down
inherbellyapainflasheslikeatongueofflameleapingfroman
ash,pile..TheSlovaMandoctorsticksinahypodermicneedle.
Thebloodrisesintheglasstube."Germansoldierswillteach
you.""The"Jungs9willbepleasedwithher"Theredblossoms
arescattered,asthoughcarelesslystrewnonthewhitetablecloth.
186
"Daniislikeabud.Whensheopens,herbeautywilltakethe
breathaway../*"OfcourseIsaidyou'remybeautifuli?Io&
som..r
Onthecurtainscoveringtheblockwindowstheskyplaysa
strangeimagegame:peopleranningfranticallyinthethickofa
forest...
InanearbybedtheGermangetsup,makesreadytoleave.
Thegirl'sarms,whiteandnaked,clingtohim.Herfacetwists
intoasmileasherlipswhisper,"Pleasesir,wasthegentleman
satisfied?"*
TheGermanshovesheraway,spits,walksoff.Thegirlsits
there,hernakedwhitearmshangingspiritlesslyfromherknees.
Shelookstohim.Heisgoingaway,carryinginhispocketthefate
ofherpollutedlife.TheExecutionSquareloomsbeforehereyes.
Shelooks,looks.TheGermanisalreadygone,andsheisstill
lookingtohim
Washe?...
II
...tonight...afterthelastgong...itmustbedoneto
night!Danielladecides.
Theblockistidyyhushed,empty,asiftherewerenotaEving
soulthere.Anymomentandthelightswillgoout.Anymoment
andthelastgongwillsound.Afterthelastgongeveryoneisre
quiredtosleep.Oneofthosecampregulations.TheGermansare
concernedwiththegirls*welfare.Theymustbehaleandfresh
tomorrowattwo.
Thetworowsofbedsreachintothecenteroftheblocklike
tworowsofcorpseslaidoutbythewalls*feetstraight,rigid.
Tosleep!
Butnow,ofalltimes,theExecutionSquaresprawlsbeforetibe
eyes.Ofalltimesnow,wheneachisaloneinherbedcom
muningwithherself,thehearttakesstockofthedaypastand
sensesthedreadoftibe"report*lurMnginthemarrow,
Todeep!Afterthelastgongeveryoneisrequiredtosleep.But
howsubjectsleeptoGermanedict?Howdecreesleeptocome
187
andeclipsewithitswingsthevisionsofGermansandExecution
Squareswarmingceaselesslybeneaththeshutteredeyelids?How
makesleeplullthedeathtrepidationofthebody?
...thoughifsonlyablindman'sbuflwithfate.Therearegirls
herewithtwo"reports."They'recalledTLucMes."They'vebeen
aroundalongtime.Theyhaveoutlivedmanygirlswhogothere
whentheyalreadyhadtheirtwo"reports."Infact,it'sacamp
traditionthattheTLucMes"willlivetobeliberated.Evenso,in
theirbedsatnight,theytrembleabouttomorrowmorethanthe
others.Theydelveanddiganddelvesomemoreinthefaceof
theGerman.Trytheirhardesttorecallhiseveryword,hisevery
gesture,hiseveryglanceasheleaves:Aretheygoingtolive?
Washesatisfied?...
It'seasytobelieveinthecamptraditionwhenit'snotyour
ownlifeinthebalance.
...tonight!Afterthelastgong,whenthelightsareoutinthe
blocks.She'llgoouttothelatrine.Fromthereit'snotfartothe
lake.Thewaterwillenfoldher.Thewaterwillrinseherbody
andpnrifyit.Thewaterwillrinsehereyesandquenchthefire
raginginherhead.Shewillliedeep,deeponthebottomofthe
lake,thewayshe'slyinghere,onthebed,onlythereitwillbe
peaceful,soft,free.Thelakewaterwon'tstopstreamingoverher
nakedbodyandwillcleanseitinsideandout.She'llbepure,
light,free.
Nowit'sprohibitedtoleavetheblocks*Now,betweenthe
secondandlastgong,it'sprohibitedeventogotothelatrine.
Thesentrywillshootherandgethisbonusthreedays*leave.
"ADollwasmakingforthebarbedwire,"hellreport.No,only
nottobeshotinfrontoftheblocks!...Thegirlhadlainin
frontofBlock8untildawnthattime,andhergroansallnight
nearlydrovethemallcrazy.Onlynottogetshotinfrontofthe
blocks...
Everybodyhereisgoingtoget"reports."Everybodywillbe
takentotheExecutionSquare.NotasingleonewillbeleftThe
Germanswillkillthemallatthelastminute,andnoonewillever
knowwhatkindofcamptherehadbeenhere.Tomorrow,the
dayafter,shellalsobetakentoPurgation.Wheredotheytake
188
allthosetossedonthevan?Whatdotheydotothemattheplace
they'retakento?WhatModofdeathispickedoutforthem
there?Tonight!She'snotwaitingforthemtotakehertothe
ExecutionSquareandtossheronthevan.Itmustbetonight!
ButItwon'thappentonighteither.Shewon'tcarryitthrough
thistune,justasshedidn'tanyoftheothernights.Likeallthe
othergirls,shellwaittillthevancomestotakeheraway.Ifonly
Vevkehadn'tstoppedherfrombuyingthecyanidepillsatthe
shoeshopcanteen,shewouldhavesneakedouttotheroadbe
tweenJewQuarterIandJewQuarter3,andInoneoftheclefts
ofthemountainwouldhaveswallowedthemandbedonewith
it!Howpeacefulitwasthere.SobrightItwouldhavebeengood
justtositthere,inahiddennook,andlookoutIfonlytheyhad
letherHvethere,shecouldhavegoneonstayingthereforever.
Therewasn'tahidingplacelikeItInthewholeghetto.Shewould
sitthere,alone.Justshe.Shewouldnevergettiredofsitting
there.ThereIssomuchcompassionandunderstandingInthe
crevicesofthemountain.Shewouldhavelovedthemountain
withallherheart.Shewouldneverforgetthemountainforwhat
ithaddoneforher.Andwhenthewarended,shewouldcome
outofherhideoutandwalkallthewaytoKongressia.Freeover
freeroads.ShewouldtakeMonibythehandandwalkbackwith
himtothemountainandshowMm.Letthemallseethemoun
tainthathadgivenhershelter,thathadhiddenher.Hadn't
bawledheroutTHkePandhadn'trunheroff.Here,besidethe
mountain,theywouldallmeet;Hany,pa,ma.Shewouldtake
themalltoJewQuarter8.Betteryet;shewouldstandinthe
soupkitchencompoundandwaitthereforthemtoappear.She'd
seetheminthedistanceandmalceoutrightoffwhichspeckis
who.Shewouldrantothem.Thesunwouldstreaminbetween
thehighmountainandthelowmountain;shewouldtakethemto
the''plot'*ThebenchTedekmademuststillbestandingthere.
She'dofferthemsomeoftheredradishesshehadplantedand
tendedwithherownhands.Thenshe*dtakethemtotheCenter:
HereisHayimIdTs"ViHa*...here'sthebedshesleptin.
above,ontopofthetilestove,undertheceding,arethewritten
notebooksofherdiary,andthere,,betweenthecoolingboxand
189
thewall,underthewindowsill,isherlastnotebook.Nowshe'd
alsotakeoutthenotebooksinwhichshewroteeverythingthat
happenedtoher
Thelasttollsofthegongbrokeinthroughtheblockwindows,
remindingofthemorrowtofollowthenightThegirlstossedand
turnedintheirbeds,andblackblanketsrosefromthebedslike
phantoms.Theknellsofthegongrolledoutechoesoffamiliar
horror.Suddenlyitseemedtheclosetdoorsweretearingopen
andtheblockfillingwithGermanvoices.Bedlam.TheGermans
hangtheirclothesintheopenclosets.Twoo*clocktomorrow.
.*.everythingthathappenedtoherintheghettoiswritten
inherdiary.And"twoo'clocktomorrow'?Noonewilleverknow
aboutthat.Noonewilleverknowwhathappenedinthiscamp.
TheGermanswill"pingate"themallontheExecutionSquare.
Notonewillsurvive.
...tonightshellgotothewater!Ifshe'donlyboughtthe
tablets....OfcourseFellawillsurvive.Fellaisa**Lucky.wIf
shecouldwritedownwhafshappeninghere,maybeFellawould
thenbeabletopassiton.Yaga'spromisedtotakeheralongto
Dresdenafterthewar.ButtheGermanswillprobablykillFella
too.Noonewillgetoutofhere.ElsawilltossFellaintothevan
**Wheredidtheybringyoufrom?"
Thevoicecamefromthenextbed.ThegirllayfacingDaniella.
Shelookedatherandrepeatedthequestion."Wheredidthey
bringyoufrom?**
ThequestionimbedsitselfinDaniella'sears."Wheredidthey
bringyoufrom?"Inthenextbedapairofeyeslooktoher,wait
ingforananswer.ThesamequestionsheheardintheLabor
Divisiononthestraw.
TPromJewQuarter3,"shereplied.
Thegirlinthenextbedleanedup.
*TmfromJewQuarter1.Maybeyoumetmyfamilythere?
Maybeyouknowhowthey'regettingalong?MynameisShafran.
TzipporaShafran.Inthefirstrounduptheyseparatedmefrom
myfamily.Youdon'tknowifanyofthemhavebeensaved?We
usedtoliveat12LibertySquare/*
190
Hermindbegantoreel.Thesametalk.Eachandeveryplace
thesamething,Thesamequestions,thesameanswers,
"No/*shesaid.**Ididn'tknowanyofyourfamily.Fmnotfrom
there.Iwoundupthereduringthewar,atmybrother's.Healso
livedinJewQuarterI.HisnameisHarryPreleshnik^
Thegirljumpedoffherbed,camenearerandstudiedherface
closely.
"Dam?"
Dani...Whoisthis?DanieHasearchesthefacebentover
her.Whoisshe?Wheredoesthisgirlknowherfrom?Wheredid
theymeet?Agrayblankhangsoverhermemory,
"Yes,athomeIwasDani/9
TzipporaShafranletherselfdownontheedgeofDaniela's
bed.Shesankherfaceintoherhands,wassilent
Daniellatookawayahandfromthegirl'sface.**Whoareyou?9*
TzipporaShafranwasthreeyearsolderthanshe,beautifuland
charming,ofawellknown,culturedJewishfamilyinMetropoli.
Here,inthecamp,shewastheonlysurvivorofhertransport
Tzipporadidnotlookup."Harryalwaysusedtotalkabout
youathome.Hewasproudofhisgoldenhairedsister.HowI
alwayswantedtomeetyou.AndnowweVemetIntheDoll
House.*
Thelightwentout
Tosleep!...
Outside,afullmoonwassilveringtheelectricwallofbarbed
wire.Therowsofnarrowwhiteclosetsatthebedheadslooked
liketombstones.TzipporasatontheedgeofDaniella'sbed,talk
ingandtellingasthoughsomeoneinsideherworeseekingself
vindicationbeforeanother.ThesuddenmeetingwithHarry
PreleshniFssisterhadtakentibteshroudsoffadeadpastShehad
beendeportedfromtheghettowithherbrotherMaroeLHere
shefoundouttibatMarcelwasinoneofthelaborcampsinthe
vicinity*Shewantedtohelphim,wasevenreadytogotohim
andbringMmbreadbutshewasafraid.Thegirlscomeback
fromthemen'scampswith"reports.**Goingtothesecampsisas
goodasgoingtodealt.LatershefoundoutthatMarcelwasn't
191
thereanymore.Maybeliehadbeentakenononeothetransports
deepinsideGermany."IfMarceldiedohungerthenI'mto
blame.Iwasacoward.Icouldhavehelped"
...Harry!itboltedinDaniella'smindmaybeHarryisalso
inoneoftheselaborcamps,cryingforhelp!Herlifesuddenly
tookonasacred,sublimemeaning.Nowshellbeabletostand
anything:Harryiswaitingforherhelp...
"Howdoyougetintothelaborcamps?Howdoyougetout
ofhere?"Daniellaaskedimpatiently.
"TheGermansguardingthecampsaroundherehavegirlssent
tothemfromDollHouse,sincetheycan'trelaxtheguardingof
thecamps.TheareaisfulloflaborcampsforJews,andthegirls
usuallygetbackwitha'report'Somedon'tgetbackatall.They
generallysendgirlsfromthenewtransports.Watchoutthey
don'tsendy"
"111asktogo!Harryisinalaborcamp.Illlookforhim!Isaw
intheLaborDivisionwhathungerislike/'
Theblocklookedlikeadarkghettoalley.Fromtimetotime
amoanrosefromabedasoutofaghettowindow.Themoon
embossedthewindowpaneswithsilver.Gloomandunearthli
nesswereoutsidethewindowpouringinlonginganddespair.
Someonecalledfromabed,Tzippora!Singsomethingorwell
gocrazy!"
AlmosteveryeveningTzipporaShafransings,andallthegirls
joinin.Sheisfondestofthelullabieshermotherusedtosingher
asachild.MostofthesongsareHebrew,forTzippora'smother
hadbeenaHebrewteacherinheryouth.Thegirlsintheblock,
thoughHebrewisstrangetomostofthem,havealreadypicked
upallthesongsTzippora'smotherusedtosingassherockedher
tosleep.Thechildhoodmelodyhoversamongthebedslikea
mother'ssoul.Eachgirl'smother.Andeachmotheropensher
armstowardthebedofherdaughter.
ThereisnosonginTzipporatonight.Thistimeitisnolonger
amelodyofyearningalone.Thistimeitishermother'sbreath
warmonherface,thewayshefeltitwhenshewouldlullherto
sleep.
Pleadingvoicescarryfromthebeds:
192
"Tzippy!Singsomething.Please,Tzippy."
Tzipporacannotwithstandtheentreatiesandstartstrilling
softly:
"Alltheworld'sasltimberhush!
Apple,peareachinitstree.
Mama'ssleeping,papatoo,
Butthere'snosleepformyheartandme...**
Themelodyflows,unfurls,drapesafilmofgossamerwhite
overthenarrowclosets,overthewalls;swaysonasilveryhorizon,
likeabewitchedvesselslicingthroughwavestowardthesilver
gateofafullmoon.
Throughthewindowpeertheredlampsglowingoverthe
barbedwire.Abovethewatchtowerhangsthemoonsphere,like
thehaloaroundtheheadofthetormentedJewofNazarethin
theimagesplacedinthePolishwindowstoindicatethathere
livesanonJew.
...justasliceofbreadmightsaveHarry...shellvolun
teertogotothelaborcamps...halfabreadshellsurelybe
abletogetholdof...DaoieUa'ssufferingwassuddenlypuri
fiedandwhitened,likemoltengoldintherefiningblazeofthe
crucible.
Outside,thenightstandsbeneaththewindow,bearingDani
ella*sfateinscribedandsealed.Thenight'sbarefeetaredusted
withmoonsilver.Outoftherosyblocksflowsagriefsodden
melodyoflonging.Andthenightgathersthemelodyupinits
barearms,soarsawaywithitovertheblockroofs,beyondthe
electricbarbedwire*andcachesitinthesafetyofitsvaults.
Chapter15
WhenFellagottotheJoyDivision,sheimmediatelysawthere
wasbadbusinessaheadforher.She,Fella,oftheJewishtown
ofRadno,isn'tgoingtobeabletoliveinthesamefourwallswith
ElsaofDiisseldorf.Oneofthem'sgottogive;eithershe,or
Elsa.Theplacejustisn'tbigenoughforbothofthem.Andsince
Fellaknew:Ifsheaimstolivetosettlethingsbothwithpure
bloodedElsaofDiisseldorfandwiththeJudenratgang,she'll
havetokeepherhornsinandherdanderdown,sheimmediately
upongettingheresetaboutplanninghowtokeepoutofElsa's
way,toavoidanyruninswithher.Forneversomuchasnowdid
Fellacravesotoliveforthedayofliberationofrevenge.
Thatbeingthecase,shefirsthastogetoutfromunderElsa's
thumb.Solongasshe'sgotElsaoverher,ifsboundtoendupin
amess:Fellaisn'tlettingElsasquashherlikeaworm.Shejust
won'tbeabletoholdherselfback.Shellflyoffthehandleand
pasteintothe^Frankenstein"ofDiisseldorfandreallybitchit
upnotonlyforherselfbutforalltheJoyDivisiongirlsdear
downthroughthelasttransport.TheGermanswilltakeitout
onthemasonlytheyknowhow.Ohno,she'snottakingthaton
herconscience.Soshe'dbetterhurryupandfiguresomethingout
whileshe'sstillgotherwitsabouther,beforeshe'sturnedinto
adummyfleshmachineliketherestoftheDollHousegirls.
AndifawayoutthenonlywitholdBeelzebubhimselfand
notwithanyofhisjuniorstooges.
Thenextday,beforethebeginningofEnjoyment,asthegirls
sattremblingontheirbedswaitingforDutytostart,Fellalooked
throughthewindowattheGermansoldierscomingoverthe
194
bridgetowardthesquare.Shesizedthemupverycarefully,as
thoughthistimeitwereshewhowasdoingthepicMagoutofa
victimsomeonewhowouldberightforherscheme,Suddenly
shenoticedYaga?theCampCommander,walkingarminarm
withoneoftheguestsaGermanofficer.Lookstobeabuddyof
hers.AndrightthenandthereFelladecided:It'sthishighand
mightyswinethat'sgoingtohelpherout
WhentheGermansapproachedtheblock,Felaquicklyhidin
theclosetbyherbedandwatchedthroughthechinkinthecloset
door.Whenshesawhermarkedguestentertheblock,she
steppedoutoftheclosetandmade,aHhips,straightforMm.
Felladidn'thavetowastewords.Herproud,curvaceousbody,
herexquisitelegs,hersparklingrowsofsmilingteeth,herfiery
blackeyesallthesespokeforherinaplainlanguageoftheir
own.
TheGermanseizedherbythehand,anddidnotletherpass.
Fellaflashedhimaglance,hershapelymouthpoutingwithin
luredinnocence.
"Suchcarryingsonforagentleman?**
TheGermanstoodtherewideeyed.Foramomentheforgot
hewasintheDoEHouse.Hehadneverheardsuchwordshere,
hadneverbeenaddressedherethisway.Instinctivelyheblurted,
"VerzefhenSfe*
...nicegoing!FellathoughtNotatallbadtohearinthis
DoHHouseaGermanofficerspeakuptoaJewishfieldwhore
withTPrayforgiveme.**Felalinkedherarm,grandedamelike,
inhis,andledhimtoherbed.Theysatdown,eyedeachothera
momentandburstintoheartylaughter.
Theysatandchattedawaypleasantly.Afterashortwhile.,the
Germanfeltthelikesofthishadneveryethappenedtohimhare.
ThisfreedominFella'smanner,herabilitytorouseinhimthe
manlysenseofhonorandinaplacelikethis,whenallaround
himsoldierswerewallowinglikeswineinmudallthisopened
upinhimlatent,forgottenfeelings,,whichelevatedTrimabovehis
surroundings.Needlesstoadd,Fella'sbeauty,charm,andaudac
itywereofnoMtflehelp.Andaboveall,herexpertknowledge
ofaHthewaysandbywaysleadingintothemaleheart.
195
Fellanowcalledintoplayallthetacticsoffemalestrategy.
AnditwasnotlongbeforetheGermanwascompletelyinher
power,likeasnakeunderthespellofacharmer.Hespokeupas
thoughmakingaconfession,"Yes,IcametotheDollHousefor
whatalltheotherscomefor.Iintendedtohavemyselfalittle
timehere.ButI'vefoundsomethingloftier."
...notbad!Fellaconsidered.Notbadatall!Andwhenshe
feltthebarometerofhersuccesswashighenough,shedecided
itwastimetolayhercardsonthetable.Havetoplayitquick.
Beforeyouknowittime'supandthechanceinamillionisdown
thedrain.Soshesaidwithherusualsimplicityandfrankness,
**Nowtellme,loverboy,youwantmybodymanhandledlike
alltheothers,ordoyouthinkit'sworthhavingallforyourself?"
TheGermangapedasthoughjoltedoutofadream.Hefelt
himselfcornered.Fella'squestioncuthimdownfromhisromantic
flightbacktoreality.
*Tdcompletelyforgotten,"hestammered.
"Guessyouthoughtyouweresittingwithsomechippyon
UnterdenLindenbackinBerlin!"Felladrewtighteronher
bowstring.
**ThiscampisunderGestapojurisdiction,"theGermanthought
aloud."Thereisnothingtobedonethere.ButwhatIcoulddo
istrytoarrangeforyoutobecomekalefactress,soyoullbefree
fromEnjoymentDuty."
Fellashookherhead.
"Firstofall,nothingintheworldwillgetmetodoanykalefac
tressingunderElsa.Kalefactress,thatmeansbutcheringthegirls.
AndI'dsoonerdiemyselfthanlollsomeoneelse.Secondofall,
camplawdoesn'tallowbeautifulgirlstobekalefactresses."And
whileexplainingallthisshegotup,coquettishlyprojectingthe
curvesofherbody,andcontinued,"Youdon'treallythink,do
you,thatthisbodyisn'tcutoutforanythingbetterthankalefac
tressinthePollHouse?"
TheGermanchucHed.Hiseyesrovedoverthebeckoningmold
ofherbody,pausingattheboldarcswheresmockoverlapped
bosom.Hereachedoutanddrewherdownbesidehim.Fellawas
196
wideawake.Fellaknowshowtimerunsoutduringsuchlove
talk.Shecontinuedtoprod,"Well,whatllItbe?"
"Idon'tknowwhattodo.Honestly/'theGermananswered
anxiously.
Shelaybackacrossthewidthofthebed.Hertall,gracefullegs
Fella'striedandtrueweaponstoodbareuptoherthighs.She
felthiseyesontheundrapedapplesofherknees,satupagain.
Lookinghimstraightintheeyeshesaid,"O.K.,then,comeand
takewhatyoucamefor,likealltheothers!Tomorrowsomebody
else'llbesittinginyourplace.Guesshellalsosay,InyouIfound
somethinglooftier/ExcusemeifIwaswrongaboutyou!"
TheGermanwasinavise.Itdidnotoccurtohimtothinkof
thetrapintowhichaJewesshadsuddenlyledhim.Hedidnot
stoptothink:Whyishelettinghimselfbecomesoinvolvedhere?
Whydoesn'the"takewhathecamefor,"likealltheothers,and
bedonewithitjustasFellahadartfullytoldhim.Andperhaps
itisbecauseshehadsaidittohimsosimplyandingenuously
thathefelthimselfsoobligated.
AstrangewhimofErosintheGermanDollHouse.
"I'mreadytohelpyou,ifyou'lljusttellmehow,"hesaid.
Actually,thatwasallFellawaswaitingtohear.Shedrewher
selfupandspoketohimwithallherheart:
"I'mawhizathousekeepingandcleaningrooms.Iwasworking
atitwhenIwasstillaMd.MaybeoneoftheGermansherein
campcanuseamaid."
TheGermansuddenlyslappedhimselfonthebrow,letout
"Idiot!"andhurriedfromtheblock.
Hereyesfollowedhimfrombehindthecurtainofthebloclc
HewasheadingfortheCampCommander'squarters*Well,Md,
Fellathought,youVemadeithalfway.NowyouVeonlygotto
makeittheotherhalf.AndthoughFellawasnotaccustomed
toturningtoGodshehadalongaccountwithHimsinceher
earlychildhoodshenowjoinedherhandsasinprayerandher
lipsbreathed,"Helpme,God!Ifyouthinkyoucangoalongwith
menow,Ipromise111becomeagoodgirlafterthewar.Please
helpmegetoutofcamp.IVegottosquareitwiththoseJudenrat
197
scum.IllpolishofftiaatMonyekwithmyownhands.I'vegotto
doit!I'vejustgotto!AndElsa...Justhelpmegetoutofhere.
Butiyoudon'tfeellikegivingmeahand,allIask,dearGod,
pleasedon'tmessitupformePleasedon'tbuttin.Illpullitoff
myself.That'sallIask:Justdon'tmessmeupmyGerman!"
ThroughthewindowshesawtheCampCommandercoming
outofherquartersarminarmwiththeGerman.Heistalking
energeticallytoher,obviouslytryingtoconvinceher.Theyare
comingtotheblock.
Yagasizedherup.TheGerman'seyessmiledwithsatisfaction.
Apparently,FellametwithYaga'sapproval,forshetoldherto
followherimmediately.
GodgrantedFella'sprayer*Shewasacceptedasmaidinthe
CampCommander'squarters.
WhenDanieHalaterarrivedattheJoyDivision,Fellastoodby
herlikeadevotedsister.Fellaneverforgetsforamomentthata
greatmiraclehasbefallenherhere.TheCampCommanderis
pleasedwithher.FellaknowshowtowintheheartoftheGerman
BeastAndwhenYagahashadafewdrinks,shepoursherheart
outtoFellaastoaclosefriend.Fellahasalreadyheardfrom
Yagathemostintimatestoriesofherlife:aboutherbeau,the
commanderofnearbyCampNiederwalden,whoistwotiming
her;aboutheryouth,whichshespentinawhorehouseinDres
den.InherdrunkennesssheoftensympathizeswithFellafor
havingbeenbornaJewess.Ifnot,shewouldn'tbeaprisonerbut
takeitfromYagacommanderofaGermanconcentration
camp.She'dhaveseentothatFellaisheronlytruebluefriend
inthewholewideworld.
EverymorningFellacomeshurryingtoBlock5tohelpDaniella
ather^BedBuilding."Anextrapairofhandsontheotherside
ofthebedisarealgodsend.AndDanieHaysbedisalwaysready
first,afterwhichFellaandDaniellachecktoseethatallthe
otherêdbuilds"areuniform.
AndFellabecametheguardianangelofthegirlsofBlock5.
198
Chapter16
...somethingterribleisintheairthismorning.AllDaniella's
senseswerekeyedup.Shesenseditastangiblyastheimminence
ofanAktionisfeltintheghettoeventhoughtheGermanshave
notgiventheslightestindicationofitShewaslyingonherbed,
herearsprickedfortheslightestrustle.Thereissomethingdiffer
entaboutthismorningsuspicious,ominous.Somethingisgoing
tohappen.Shecouldsenseitlikeonesensingalurkingdanger,
thoughnotseeingitfacetoface.
Intheblockeveryonewasstillasleep,yetshefeltthegong
shouldlongsincehaverung.Itfrightenedher,thisholidayatmos
phere,theirstillbeingasleep.Whyisthewakinggongsolate
today?
SincegettingthenotebookandpencilfromFella,shecannot
sleepcomemorning.Withtheothersstillasleep,it'sthebesttime
topulloutthenotebookandpencilfromunderthewoodshavings
inthebedandwrite.Write.
Thismorningisdifferentfromalltheothers.Themuffled
soundsoutsidearesuspicious,sinister.InthenextbedTzippora
Shafranwrestlesinhersleep.Herfacegoesthroughcontortions,
herneckwrithes,shegroansandsnortsasthoughsomeonewere
stranglingherinadream.
Sincetheyfirstmet,Tzipporahaschangedcompletely.The
TLucMes"oftheblockbuzzamongthemselvesthatTzipporahas
goneoutofhermind.She'snotthefirstsuetathinghashap
penedtohere.They'reafraidtheSlovaMandoctorwillnotice
199
andlockherupintheKBisolationamongthevenereals.Lately
Tzipporahasbeenroamingaboutthecamplakeanoutsider;as
iftheDollHouseregulationsnolongerappliedtoher.Theluck
whichhadbeenwithherthisfarnowsuddenlydesertedher.
Allatonceshegottwo"reports,"ontwoconsecutivedays.And
eversince,she'sbeengoingabouteverythingindifferently,care
lessly.Shedoesn'tevensinganymore.Hermouthisclamped.All
sheletsoutonceinawhileis"IkilledMarcel,"andsheagain
clampshermouth.
...somethingiscpmingoffoutside.Elsa'svoicecarriesfrom
somewhere.KalefactressessprintpasttheHock.There'sdefinitely
somethingup.Shefeltthedangerstalkingherfromanambush
somewhere.
Thegirlsarestillfastasleep,asifnopoweronearthcould
wakethem.Butnosoonerwillthefirstgongsoundthantheywill
aUspringoutofbedasone:BedBuilding!That'sthewayitis
everymorning.Supposethewarendedsuddenly,theGermans
fledbynight,therewasnomorewakinggongwouldthegirls
goonlyingthiswayforever?
Thebustleoutsidemounts.Whataretheydoingthere?Fella
hadtoldherconfidentiallythattheymightbeshiftingthecamp
nearertothefront.Fellaknows.Youcanrelyonher.Yagamust
haveletsomethingslip.No!Thistimeshe'snotwaitingtobe
transferredagain.She'llputanendtoithere.She'salreadybeen
inalmostalltheJewcampsinthearea.Totalktotheprisoners
isimpossible.Eventoseethemisoutofthequestion.TheGer
mansliveoutsidethebarbedwireandthere'snochanceofgetting
insidetotheprisoners.She'llneverfindHarry.Wasallhertor
ture
Theblockgatetoreopen.FirsttocomeinwasElsa,thebraided
knoutinonehandandawhiteslipofpaperintheother.Kalefac
tressessearchedamongthenumbersonthebedposts.Theywent
abouttheirworkswiftly,withoutasound,likedemons.They
sweptfrombedtobedandwereapproachinghers.Withboth
handssheclutchedthenotebookandpencilunderherback.She
knewtheywerecomingforhernow.It'sherthey'reafter.No
questionaboutitnow.Shehadforesensedit.Butbeforeithad
200
frightenedherasageneraldanger,threateningeveryone.Nowit
wasconcentrated,poisedlikeaspearrightather.Onlyather.
She'sthevictimthistime.Thistimetheeyeswillallbelooking
throughthebarbedwireather.Underherbackherhands
pressedonthenotebookandpencil.Notimetohidethem.The
kalefactresseslookatherbednumber.Inalash,wavesofques
tionsandanswersbillowedandbrokeinhermind:Where'dshe
getthenotebook?Fella.They11Mlheranyway,butshesnot
mentioningFella'sname.Thekalefactressesareenteringthe
passagebesideherbed.They'renearher.She'sready.Queer,how
calmsheis.ShellnevergiveFellaaway.Sheiscalm.Hereyes
close.Death.That'showitfeels...
ThekalefactressesteartheblanketoffTzippora,dragherby
thehair.Tzipporadoesnotutterasound,letsthemdoasthey
pleasewithher.Elsastands,handsfoldedacrossherchest,look
ingdirectlyatherglazedeyes.Tzipporaissilent,andElsais
silentBothlookateachother,oneattheeyesoftheother,mute.
Buttheyappeartobeconversinginanesotericlanguageof
terror.
ElsagoesandTzipporagoesinhertracks.Nooneordered
hertofollowElsa.Shegoes.Behindherthekalefactresses.The
processionleavestheblock.
Daniellaliesmotionless.Thewalloppositebendsforwardto
getherwiththenarrowclosetsalongitAnymomentandthe/11
toppleover.Theforepostsoftibebedsoppositetogetherwiththe
whitenumbersonthemtrundlequicklyaftereachother,likead
vertisementflashcardsinashowwindow,whosesourceisnever
exhaustedandwhoseendhasnolimit.
Someofthegirlsjumpoutoftheirbeds,flitbackandforth
pastTzippora'sbed.Everythingishappeningasunderwater.
Shehadn'theardTzipporascream.Shedoesn'trememberhear
ingasoundoutof'her.Thewholethinghappenedasinavacuum.
They'vetakenheroutoftheblock,buttiievacuumremained
afterthem,filling*outthewholeblockGirlsscurryabout,turn
toeachother,appeartobetalking,butshehearsnothing.She
goesonlyingthere,handsdutchingthenotebookandpencil
beneathherback.They'veledTzipporafromtheblockandthe
501
firstgonghasn'tsoundedyet.Somethingterribleisgoingtoliap
penthismorning.Tzipporadidn'tscream.Everythinghappened
withsuchdazzlingspeed,suchterrifyingsilence.
AlllookatTzippora'svacantbed;
Elsahasbeenintheblock!...
Whendiditallhappen?...
Whosawit?...
WhatdidElsasay?...
What'sgoingtohappenthismorning?...
Terrifiedeyesblink,stare:Maybethey'vetakenhertothe
KB!MaybetheSlovaldandoctorgotwindofTzippora'sstate...
Girlsscamperby,lookwithhorroratTzippora'svacantbed.
Nowshewon'tbeabletohidethenotebook.Whydidtheytake
Tzippora?Itwasforhertheycame!Whatiftheyfoundthenote
bookonher?AndwhatiftheycomebackagainlShedoesn'twant
togoonlivinganyway.Whywasshesoafraidthen?
Shepulledherhandsoutfrombehindherbackempty.She
didn'tfeelthem,justasshedidn'tfeeltherestofherbody.
Theboomofthefirstgongshooktheblockwalls.
II
TenstoolsstoodlinedupontheemptyExecutionSquare.Their
quadrangulartopsgapedemptyatthesky.Waiting.Thefore
legsofthestoolswereglaringlyangularintheirstarkness.
Opposite,acrosstheExecutionSquare,theprisonersofthe
LaborDivisionnowclusteredintoahugemassofgapingeyes.
Thekalefactresses'bludgeonsroseandfellontheskullsinthe
rearranks.EyeswereagapenotinfearoftheExecutionSquare,
butinfearofthekalefactresses'bludgeons:See,they'rewatching!
They'relooking!TenstoolsrightinthemiddleoftheExecution
Square,andtheirtopsareemptyandfacingthesky!Won'tthe
kalefactressesseeforthemselves:They'relookingrightatthe
stools!Theydon'ttaketheireyesoffthestools!Ifthekalefao
tressesplease,theycanevencountthechairs:one...two...
three,...Won'tthekalefactressesseehowthey'relookingthere
202
andcounting,andpleasenotbeatthemovertheheadwiththe
clubs!
Thevanrolledinthroughthegate,andturnedwithitsback
totheExecutionSquare.Thedriver'sheadleanedoutthewin
dow.Withonehandhemanipulatedthesteeringwheel,backing
thevantotherightspot,tofacilitatetheloading.Thedriver
hoppeddownoutofthecab,lookedthevanoverwiththepro
fessionalairofanexpertdriverpullingupexactlyattheloading
pointtosparetheportersextrabother.Thedarkbackopening
ofthevanwasnowdirectlyinlinewiththerowofstools.The
drivershovedhisSScapoffhisbrowbackonhishead,tookthe
cigarettethatwasperchedonhisear,litit,leanedbackagainst
thefender,crossingonelegovertheother,inhaledalungfulof
cigarettesmokeandlookedindifferentlytowardtherowofempty
stoolsasheletoutadeep,sleepseekingyawn.
"DuringPurgationyoullseehowstuffedtheyare..TThe
hostofbulgingeyesontheothersideoftheExecutionSquare
nowmergedintoasinglepairofeyes."MynameisRenya.Renya
Zeidner...*Thescathinghatredofalltheeyesnowconverged
intoonepairofeyes."Ourbread!...Ourmargarine!...Ifs
ourlivestheyrefatteningthemselveson?RenyaZeidner'seyes
don'tstopglaringatherwithhateandloathing.Daniella'splayed
herfalse.Renyahadbelievedher,trustedherrightfromthestart
ButDaniellaletherdown.Shedoublecrossedher.Shelefther
fortheDollHouse,wheretheygorgethemselvesonthesoups
andmarmaladeoftheLaborDivision.Now,withthetrapabout
tospring,shefeelslonelyandforsaken.Butnownoone'sgoing
tofeelsorryforher.Lethersuffer!Thetimewillcomeforeach
andeveryoneinDollHouselTheyTlallgettheirsonthestoolsl
Andwe,theMussulmanessesoftheLaborDivision,willalways
lookthroughthebarbedwireandwatchthem**purgate**thefat
bodieswhichhadstuffedthemselvesonourbread,onourmar
rowl
Daniellacouldnotstandtolookattheothersideanymore.
Sheturnedherhead.
Onthissidestoodgirlsdadindeanbluepinstripedcamp
203
smocks;ontheothersideanondescriptclumpwhosetatters
fusedintoonelongrottingraghungoutonthewirebarbs.A
blurredclump,colorlessandfeatureless,limbsandfacesindis
tinguishablefromeachother.TheDollHousegirlslookedacross
totheotherside,thewayrelativeslookovertherimofanim
mensemassgraveattheexhumedskeletons.Anyparticleofthis
blurreddecaymaybeyoursister.
Daniellacouldnotstandtolookattheothersidean)more
Shelookedaway
Andsawthem:
Marching.FacestotheExecutionSquare.Marchingnearerand
nearer.
AttheheadmarchesElsa.Behindhernudegirlsgoosestep
pinginsinglefile.
Theskywasdreary,naked.ItlayalldrawnintotheExecution
Square.,asthoughoutsideheretherewerenosky.Totherightof
eachgirlmarchedakalefactresswithasolemn,festivebearing,
likeabridesmaidescortingabridetothecanopy.Elsa'sslashed
cheeklookedfromthedistanceasthoughhalfamaskhadslipped
fromherface.Thefleshbetweenthecrudestitchingsnowflushed
bloodred,appearinglikeawoundsawedintotheflesh.Theother
halffacewastaut,festive,solemn.Theboottopssparkledtheir
Sabbathbestonherfeet,andnearherrightbootdangledthe
tailofherbraidedknout
FirstinlinewasTziviaofChebin.Shelookedasthoughitwere
allstillagreatenigmatoher.Itwasobviousshehadnotlearned
anything,hadn'tbecomeanythewiserhere,intheDollHouse,
andherinnocencehadn'tbeendiminishedonebit.Asthoughshe
werenotbeinglednow,naked,fromElsa'schamber,butwere
steppingthusdirectlyfromtheDaughtersofJacobnightschool
inChebin.Herpetite,cameobodyradiatedchastenessandpurity
nottouched.Herstubborn,infantileinnocenceshieldedheras
atoughshellaroundthekernelofanut.Therewasnoalternative
buttocrushtheshellintoitssealedpith.
Roundabout,alongthewirestrands,rowsofeyeswerestrung
likebeadsaroundtheneckoftheExecutionSquare.
BythestoolsstoodElsa,armsfoldedacrossherchestsilent;
204
fromthewatchtowersthemachinegunmuzzleslookedsilently
down;theroofsoftherosyblocksalsolookedonsilently.All
mustwatchthepurgationofthesinnersofDollHouseandbe
silent.
Tzipporastandsatherstool.Herfacedoesn'tshowanychange,
Nochangeshowsinthefaceofanyofthem.Theystandatthe
stools,stony,silent,asifunawareofwhatisabouttohappento
them.Theythelodepointofallthissilencedonotdareruffle
theawesomestillnessprevailingherefortheoccasionoftheir
death.
Fromsomewhereacrosstheskycomespitchingdownthelast
knellofthegong.
...someoneelsewilllieinTzippora'sbedtonight.Probably
oneoftheBlossomPlatoon.She,Daniella,standingoutsidethe
ExecutionSquare,isnowmuchmoreterrifiedthanthosestand
ingatthestools.Everyonearoundherhereismoreterrifiedtitan
thoseatthestools.Doesn'tTzipporaseedeathenvelopingher
nakedbodyastheyseeitfromhere,ontheoutside?Doesn't
Tzipporafeelanythinganymore?
TheGermansarrivedattheSquare.Theystrodeaugustlyin,
fullyconsciousoftheirselfimportance,bringingdeathintheir
company.Theyhaltedsomedistancefromthestools.Death
steppedoutoftheirmidstandcontinuedtothestools.TheGer
mansfollowedhisstepswiththeireyes.
Nowthekalefactresseswenttowork.Theybeganstrapping
thegirlstothestoolshandstotheforelegs,feettotherearlegs.
Elsasignaledwithherknoutdownacrossthebackofakalefao
tressforPurgationtobegin.Thebludgeonsroseinunisonand
inonecadencecutintothenakedbodies.
Thestillnessexplodedlikeapaperbag:Shriekedthebarbed
wiresandshriekedtheeyesstrungoutonthem;shriekedthe
highheavensandshriekedtheblockrooftops.Fearweptinthe
ExecutionSquareanddeath,too,wept
That"sthat
TheGermansleavetheSquarelikesatedguestsleavingaban
quethall.Deathtailedafterthem.
Thegirlsweretossedintothevan.Thedriverslammedthe
205
tailboardshutThestoolsnowlookedemptierthanbefore.The
shriekswhichhaderuptedfromthemsoaredoff,vanishedto
getherwiththelivesothegirls,leavingthestoolsinthecenter
oftheSquaredrainedasbottlesonatableafterasumptuous
feast.
Themotorstartedupandthevantookoff,leavingbehinda
singeingsmell.Uptheroad,itturnedintotheLaborDivisionto
pickup,inpassing,thegirlswhomHentscheltheMoonisnow
sendingintothebluetohelpbuildahighway.
Chapter17
Thelineextendedthroughthewholehalfofthepartitioned
block.Thegirlsstoodinsinglefile,waitingtobeexamined.All
theDollHousegirlshavetopassHealthParadeonceaweek,each
blockonitsscheduledday,innumericalorder.
Todayit'sBlock5.
TheKBblockispartitionedintwo.Inonesection,whichis
sealedoff,theyputthegirlswhocontractvenerealdiseaseduring
EnjoymentDuty,Fromtherethegirlsaresenttothehospital.But
noonesenttherehaseveryetcomeback.
TheKBblockisontheoutskirtsofthecamp,beyondthelatrine
andbeyondtherosyblocks.Oppositearchesthebridge,patrolled
byanSSsentryarmedwithamachinegun.Actually,theblockis
intendedtoserveashospitalforthecampgirlshenceitsname,
KB.*Butinthiscampnoonehaseveryettakensickexcept,of
course,theinfected.WhentheSlovaKandoctordoesdiscovera
sickgirl,sheisimmediatelylockedupwiththeinfectedintheiso
latedhalfoftheKB,andtogetherwiththeinfectedissenttothe
hospitallikethem,nevertoreturn.
Todayit'sBlock5.
Thegirlsstandinsinglefile,naked.Nearthewindow,atasmall
whitetable,sitstheSlovaMandoctor,beforeherasheetofpaper
toenterthenumbersoftheinfected.Thedoctor'seyeisgluedto
theblackmicroscopetube.Theexamineestandsbeforethetable,.
*KB:KrankeiiBan,i.e.,hospital.
207
surroundedbyasemicircleofKBkalefactresses.Alongthewall
stretchesamutelineofnakedgirls.Theireyesallwatch.
Theexamineebeforethetablelooksattheglassslidefixedbe
neaththelensoftheblackmicroscope.There,ontheslide,is
smearedherlife.There,ontheslide,hersoulquiverslikeafish
onthehook.Willthesmearofherown,herlifeontheslidenow
giveheraway?Willthemoistureofherownbellynowhandher
overtodeath?Anysecondandthedoctor'shead,bentoverthe
blackinstrument,willstraightenup.Willshemotionforthenext
girltostepupforexamination,orwillsheflashaglanceatthe
numberbrandedonherbreastandimmediatelybendwiththe
penciloverthewhitesheetbesidethemicroscope?
Outside,bythesecondfencerangingalongthebarbedwire,
squatsomegirlsoftheBlossomPlatoontendingtheflowers.They
chatterloudly,resonantly,carefreely.Theirjabbercarriesthrough
theopenwindowliketheinsistentbuzzingofspringheralding
flies,likewingedgreetingsfromrusticdawnsandrollingmead
ows.Thevoicesflutterovertheheadsofthenakedgirls;around
theblackinstrumentunderthegrim,bentover&lagargonhead
ofthedoctor.Thedroningprattleflitsaboutintheemptyspace
separatingthewaitinggirlsfromthewhitetable,skipsoverthe
stiffshouldersofthekalefactresses,whosefaceslikemasksreveal
nothoughts,skimsdowntheopaquepartition,andlightsupon
theknobofthedoorwhichclosesbehindtheinfectedandopens
tothemagainwhentheblackvancomesforthem.
Daniellalooksoutthewindow.ThegirlsoftheBlossomPlatoon
haveredkerchiefsontheirheads.Theysquatovertheflower
beds,trimmingthebloomsgrowingaboveoroutofline.Thebeds
mustgrowstraight,even,andperfectlyrectangular.Theflower
bedmustlooklikeastreamofredpouredintoarectangulartin
pan.
Daniellalooksoutthewindow.Theredkerchiefedheadsofthe
FlowerAttendantssuddenlyseemlikedeviantflowers.Theyjust
begpruning:Theydisrupttherectangularsymmetryofthebed.
...theBlossomPlatoongirlswillprobablybethelastsurviv
orshere.Maybetheyllevenbearoundatliberation.Elsapicked
themforthejob.Whentheygotheretheyhaddiamondrings
208
hiddenintheirmouths,andthat'showtheyboughtthemselves
off.Thegoldchainandthelocketarehiddeninthebed,under
thewoodshavings."Getridofthatshit!..?Shereallysqueezed
throughthatone.WhatllhappentotheBlossomPlatoongirls
whenthecampistransferred?Nowluck'sontheirsideandthey
outlivetheothers.Butwheneverthere'savacancyinoneofthe
rosyblocks,theytakeaBlossomPlatoongirlanyway.
No!Shewon'ttouchthelocket!shecamehomefromschool
Lunchtime.Thedisheswerealreadysetonthetable.Pagotup
fromhischair,cameovertoherseat,stoodbehindher:"Close
youreyesanddon'tpeek,Dani!"Shefelthisfingersonherneck.
Heslippedthelocketon,apresentforherthirteenthbirthday.He
kissedheronthenape,wherethechainclasped,rightwherethe
cutofElsa'sknouthurtmost"Allright,Dani,"hesaid."Now
openyoureyes!"
Sheopenedhereyes.
Thelinemovesuptothetable,Theexaminedgirlsranfrom
theblockbarefooted,campsmocksintheirhands,gratified,silent.
TheFlowerAttendantsmovegraduallyawayfromthewin
dow.Theechooftheirchatternowtapersinlikethewaningbuzz
ofadepartingfly.Theexamineesuddenlygotaresoundingslapin
thefacefromthedoctor:shedidn'tdoubleoverproperlywhile
shewasbeingexamined.Shewantedtofoolthedoctor,tokeepthe
swabfrompenetratingdeepenough,sothemoistureofherbelly
shouldn'tgiveheraway.Theslapsmartsonallthefaces.Atthe
distanceithurtsmuchmore,forthefearoftheslapismorepain
fulthantheslapitself.Thebowloftintedwateralmosttoppled
over.Thedoctorisriled.AndwhentheSlovaMandoctorisriled,
thefearintensifiesinthelinedupgirls.Thoseyettobeexamined
lookdaggersatthegirlwhohaddaredresorttosuchatrickto
saveherMeandtherebyannoyedthedoctor.Atleastifshewere
lastinlineitwouldn'tconcernthem.
...FellataughtherhowtohandleEnjoymentDuty,andhow
toavoidinfection.Firstofall,shemustrushouttotheGerman.
Sheherselfmustpresenthimwithherbodythenitwillnever
occurtohimto"report,"evenifshedoeslaterdisappointhim.
ShecannevercomparetoFella.Fellaisofadifferentmettle.
509
Fellahaswhatittakes.Sturdy,tough,afraidofnothing.Notlike
her.She'saweakling.Shecan'thelpit.She'sjustmadethatway.
EvenFella'sstoryabouttheGermanofficerisstillbeyondher.
She'dneverhavedreameditwaspossibleeventodarespeakthat
waytoaGerman.Noneofthegirlswouldhavehadtheguts.If
shedidn'tknowwhat"Enjoyment"islike,shemightbeableto
believeFella'sstory.No!Shecouldneverhavedared.Shedoesn't
evendareimaginesuchathing.Fellasurehaswhatittakes.
TheSSsentryonthebridgeleansoverthewoodenrailing,
tossesbitsofbreadtothetwowhiteswansglidingacrossthelake.
Thelinemovesclosertothetable.Thegirls'nakedarmsarelike
longnecksofwhiteswansschoolboysandschool
girls,nowontheirsummervacation,takefrequentwalksinthe
citypark.Someleanoverthewoodenbridgeonthelakeandtoss
bitsofbreadtothesnowwhiteswanglidingacrossthemirrorof
water...ReeshaMeyerchikwonfirstprize,buttheprincipal
saidthatherdescriptionoftheswanwasbetterthanReesha's
compositionabouttheBalticSea.ToMyGiftedDaniellaFrom
JourBrotherHarry"Itwasthebronzeplaquethatsavedherlife
inYablovamarket."Alwayswriteonlybeautifulthingsinthis
diary,"Hairyhadsaid.Guesshe'sinsomecampdeepinsideGer
many.
Thekalefactressesputanewgirlatthetable.Thetwogliding
swansareframedintheKBwindow,floatinapairacrossthe
glossoflake.Behindthemthebridge...thebridge!thesame
bridge!..sheisonanunknownlakeshore.Theswantwins.
Abraceofswansfloattowardher.Harrystandswrappedin
white,gapingwithglazedeyes.She'sbeingchased.Theswans
spreadwhitewings.Sherunstowardthem>
Twokalefactressesseizeherbythearms:Thegirlaheadofher
atthetableisalmostdone;Daniellamuststandby.Thedoctor
peersintothemicroscope.The&lagargonhaironherbenthead
isgrayishblack,likecinders.Herbarenapeisreddish,clipped
manstyle.Thenapefleshexudesfear,asthougheverybodyin
theworlddidn'thavenapes.Theblackmicroscopetubeisround,
liketheblackSScapofthechiefphysicianintheResearchBlock.
Thegirltipatthetablelooksintentlyattheslidelyingunder
210
thelensoftheinstrument:Isherbodysmearabouttoturnher
overtodeath?...
Thegirl'seyesblink.Stareandblink.
TheheadstraightensupfromtheinstrumentAflickofthe
fingerthegirlisgone.NothingnowstandsbetweenDaniellaand
theaJagar?onhead.She'slookingherover.Didsherecognize
her?Oh,God!Thedoctor'smouthislikethemouthofafish.Its
cornersarchallthewaydown.Whyisshestaringlikethat?She
musthaverecognizedher!Anysecondandshellorderhertothe
othersideofthepartition.Maybetheinfecteddoliveoninthe
hospital?Thecolorofthetintedwaterinthebowlblendswithall
theobjectsscatteredaboutonthetable.Fromeverythingand
everywherethefishmouthstaresbackather.There'snoescaping
it.Whatschemesisthefishmouthclampedaroundnow?Wiryis
shestaringatherlikethat?Whatdoessheseeonherbody?
Theupperarcofthedoctor'smouthslowlyrises.Asmile.
"Suchatanofabody!JustlikeanSAman'suniform!What
eyes!Whatalushfigure!Stepup,whore,andletmelookyou
over!"
...shedidn'trecognizeher!Justdon'tletherremember.
Please,God!
Thedoctor'shandspasstheswabacrosstheslide,diptheswab
intothetintedwaterinthebowlandagaindaubitontheslide,
nottakinghereyesoffDaniella'sbody.OhGod,pleasedon'tlet
herremember!She'sliabletotakeitoutonhernowforthekick
inthebelly."Suchablossomyousendtothequam/P"Harryal
wayscalledher"mylovelyblossom."Fellawarnedhertowatch
outnottogetclappedup.Whafsonthatstripofglass?The&la
gargonheadpeersatitwithoneeyethroughtheblacktube,
Daniellacan'tseeanythingthere.Anemptystripofglass,butshe
feelsthatthedoctorisnowpeeringintoherbelly,thoughshe's
standingawayandherbellyisclosedTowatchout..Watch
outhow?Fellacandoit.Fellacandoanything.Whatisthere,on
theothersideofthepartition?WillFellaremembertotakethe
notebookandlocketfromunderthewoodshavings?Fellacould
turnthemovertoherparentsafterthewar.Thedoctor'snapeis
clippedlikeaman's.Thekalefactressesnowholdthearmsofthe
girlbehindher.Oncetheheadliftsfromthemicroscope,she'llbe
stoodhereinherplace.Thesamebridge!Wherehavetheswans
disappeared?Thelakeisempty.Theheadstraightensup.The
eyespierceherflesh.Justlikeafishmouth."Abodytanjustlike
theuniformofanSAman../'Onlydontletherrecognizeher!
PleaseGod!...
Thedoctorflicksherfinger.
"Beatit!"
...she'swell!free!Shefeltthatdeepinsidehersomeoneis
veryveryhappy.
II
DaniellawashardlyoutoftheKBwhensheranintoFellawait
ingforherneartheblock,DaniellawastakenabackbyFella's
graveexpression.Itisn'tlikeFellatohangaroundidleinthemid
dleofaworkday.Ohno,Fellahasn'tlostherFunction!
"Areyouofffromworknow,Fella?"sheaskedhesitantly,
"Havetogetrightbacktowork.Come,walkmetothecamp
gate."
Daniellaletoutasighofrelief:Soitisn'tthat!Thefrightof
theexaminationmusthavemixedherallup.
AfterfhesessionintheKB,thecampsuddenlylookeddifferent
Freer.Themilelongcamproadnowseemedendless.Afterthe
flat,opaquewalloppositetheeyesintheblock,theskyabovethe
paradegroundsuddenlylookedlikeasky:tall,unbounded.The
wallsofthebarbedwirenowseemedlowandinsignificantagainst
theskyline.FromBlock8girlsrushedouttothelake,carrying
theireatingutensilstoscrubandrinseforUtensilParade.Light
nowpouredallovertheparadeground.BesideBlock7girlswere
shakingouttheirblankets.Twogirlstoablanket,oneonthisside,
oneontheother,holdingtheblanketbythecorners.Themuffled
snapsoftheblanketsrecalled:balconiesonwhichbeddingwas
shakenout;backyards,windows;homesteadsabustlewithhouse
wifelydiligence.Asummermorningidyl.
ThegirlsofBlock8rantothelakeinbarefeetThesunslivered
betweentheirrunninglegsasiftheyweresplashingthroughpud
dlesofquicksilver.Foramomentitalllookedlikeasummercamp
somewhereinasunendowedcornerofcreation.
They'resendingsomegirlstoNiederwaldenlaborcampto
morrow/'Fellawassaying."Ifyouwanttoknowsomething,I
wasn'tgoingtotellyou.ButIfustfoundoutYaga'sgoingtoo
toherbeau,theCampCommander.Ifyou'redeadsetonit,I'm
gameforswingingitwithYagaagaintotearupthe'report*youll
getthere.Honey,yousurehavegotitbad."
SheleanedagainstFella'ssideandtookherarm.Shewalked
likeapatientbeingledbyahealthyperson.Thesmockwasun
buttonedonherbody,andhershoeshungbytheirlacesfromthe
otherhand.Shehadn'tquitefinisheddressingfromtheexamina
tion.Shefeltthecampearthunderthebarenessofherfeetand
hersoulsuckedintheairofthisveryearth.Shesaid,"I'dnever
forgiveyouifyoudidn'ttellme."
"Forgive,crap!It'splaincrazy,Isay.IfYagawasn'tgoingI'd
neverletyouputyourselfupagain.EvenifIknewtheywere
movingthecamptomorrow."
BythelanetotheScienceInstitute,theFlowerAttendantswere
wateringtheoutsideflowerbedsfromrosysprinklers.Entryin
sidethebarbedwireringingtheInstituteisprohibitedtothem.
TheInstitute"nurses"whohandletheExperimentUnitsalsotend
theflowersgrowinginside.TheInstituteproperisnotvisible
fromtheoutside,thewaytheskullisnotapparentunderan
elaboratehairdo.TheInstituteistuckeddeepbackinthelane,
steepedinflowersandfoliage.Onlyalittlesignonthebarbed
wiregateattheheadofthelaneannounces:INSTITUTEFORHY
GIENEANDSCIENTIFICBESEARCH.
TUhavetogetholdofhalfabread"Daniellasaid."Illbe
abletopayitbackduringtheweekfrommybreadration."
"I'vefoundoutthattheJewcampinNiederwaldenisinthe
samebuildingastheGermanQuarters,"Fellacontinued.**Maybe
youcanpickupsomemoredopefromtheJewChiefor
anyFunctionaryhangingaroundthecampduringtheday.Ill
workonYaga.Maybeshellgonutsandevenwanttohelpyou.
213
IlltrytosetthethinguprightButremember,you'replaying
withdeath.Youdon'tknowhowtohandletheGermans.There's
justnocountingonyou."
*TVenothingtolose/'DanieHasaidsoftly.
**Stoppamperingyourself!You'renotanonlychildhere!Ifyou
watchyourstepinEnjoymentandsteerclearofElsa,we'llmake
ittoKongressiatogetheryet.You'llseewhatatimewe'llhave
afterthewar.ThebloodwillrunlikewaterfromtheJudenrat
heads."
Daniellahaltedbytheendoftheroad.Heretheblocksend.
Fellaturnedtowardtheinnercampgate.
"Illdropinbeforethelastgong."Fellaagainturnedherhead
inwalking.
Andshewasgone.
Ill
Theplacewhereshewasstandingwaspavedwithsquare
stones.Shesatdownonthepavementandbeganlacinghershoes.
Onlynothinkingabouttomorrow!shepleadedwithherself.Just
nottothinkaboutit.
Ahead,thecamproadcutblackbetweenthetworowsofpink
blocks.Fromherethecamplookedaltogetherdifferentnewand
strange.Asthoughshewerenowseeingitforthefirsttime.From
thisspotshehadgottenherfirstviewofthecamp.Nowsheknows
whatgoesonupthere,intheblocks.Everythingthereiskneaded
inwithherlife.Sheknowsitallassheknowsthesmellofherown
body,thenailsofherfingers.Sheknowstheearththere.Theflow
ers.Thewindows.Theblockwallsandeverythinghappening
betweenthem.Sheknowsthebridgearchingoverthelake,theiri
descenceofthewaterandtheshadowblackoftheSSsentrypac
ingupanddownthebridge.Still,fromafar,it'sallsostrangeand
new.Asifhersenseshadsuddenlygoneawry;asifshehadsud
denlylostherbearings.Likeonejoltingtoastoponafullylit
squareofhishometownatnight:Heknowstheplace,healways
passesitonthewayhome,yethesuddenlydoesn'tknowwhat
cornerofthesquarehe'sstandingon.
214
TMsisthepavementshesatonwhenshegothere.Howcome
shedoesn'trecognizetheplace?It'sasvividinhermemoryas
whenshefirstsawit.Butitlookssodifferentsostrangeandnew.
Here'sthesquareontherightempty...it'salwaysontheleft!
Shealwaysseesitfrom,upbytheblocks.Howcomeshedoesn't
recognizeitanymore?Asthoughitweren'tinitsproperplace.
Thattime,whenshefirstcameintocamp,itlookedlikeaneat,
fencedtenniscourt.Itlooksonewayfromhere,altogetherdif
ferentfromupthere.
Thedualsensations,ofthenandnow,givetheplaceadouble
appearance,eachdistinctfromtheother*Shelooksaboutand
can'tmakeoutwheresheis.
Fromthekitchenblocktheywereliningupsteamingsoupcal
drons.Soonthey'llbecarryingthecaldronsintotiheblocks.Noon.
Shegotup.Thestonesinthesquarewereneatlyandpunctilious
lylaidout.Ontheright,theroadwoundtowardtheLaborDi
vision.HentscheltheMooniscarryingonwiththeconstruction
ofthecampthere.Atthebeginning,Hentschelmusthavesuper
visedtheworkhere.Rightheregirlsmusthavescrapedtheir
shovelsclean,carriedrailroadtracksfromplacetoplace.How
manythousandsofgirlsdidtheblackvanhaulawayfromhere
beforethislittletractwasinlaidwithstones?HowmanyMussul
manesseswereburnedalivebeforetheserosyblockswereup?
Howmuchbloodofschoolgirlshasgoneintothesproutingofone
singlecrimsonblossom?
Shewalkeduptihepathtotheblocks.
ShewaslookingtowardtheLaborDivision,"They'rebuttdin
themahighwayinheaven.Steprightintothevan,meinLieb
chenyandgive'emahand.Justdontforgettomentionthat
yougraduatedatMasterBuilderFritzHentscheTs"TheMoon's
littlejokes,there.Hemusthavespoofedthesamewayrighthere,
whenhisBausteflewashere.Willanyoneeverrecordhowmany
girlshadcrawledintothevanheretohelpbtiildahighwayin
heaven?**Yourenotanonlychildhere!Ifyouwatchyourstepin
Enjoyment,we'llma"keittoKongressiayetafterthewar"Tomor
rowshemustvolunteerfortheGermansatNiederwalden.The
whplethingnowseemedsopointlessandjusttoomuchforher*
215
Allatonceshewasseizedwithlongingforallthosewhohadonce
beenhereandwerenomore,
Onthehorizon,awhitecloudtapereddownintotheredlines
otheflowerbeds."There'sjustnocountingonyou,Daniella.
YoudoritknowhowtohandletheGermans."Whereisshetoget
halfabreadnow?
Shewentupthepathtotheblocks.
216
Chapter18
"Hey,Medic!Getoverhere!"
Harrysteppedfrombehindtheblockgate,wherehehad
edgedhisheadouttosee.HecameoutlikeaJewintheghetto
duringanAkdonaftertheGermanshavediscoveredthehole
wherehewashiding.
"Loadtheshitup!"theSSmancommanded.
ThevanwasparkedatthedooroftheCarrionShed.When
Harryheardtherumbleoftheapproachingvanhecouldn'tre
strainhimselfandrushedfromthesickbaytotheblockgateto
peer,toseeoffforthelasttimethebonesofZanvilLubliner,As
though,ifheneglectedtodoso,Zanvilmightmissitthere;or,
doingsowouldmakeiteasierforZanvilwheretheyaretaking
him.
TheSSdriverspottedHarry'sheadpeeringfrombehindthe
blockgate,calledhimover,loweredthetailboardofthevan,is
suedhisorder,andmadefortheGermanQuarters,
Thevanwascoveredwithblacktarpaulin.Theinteriorwas
deepanddark.Upinfront,oppositetheopening,layaheapof
skeletons,nakedbones.Theheapwasneatlystacked,not
sprawled,butexpertlypyramidedlikeapileofpotatoesinthe
cellarofapedanticfarmerbroadatthebaseandpeakedatthe
top.Mostofthevanfloorstilllookedstarkbare.ITbisfloormust
stillpickupmuch"shit"frommanycampstoday.Therefore,the
loadinghastobeintelligent,expert.
Theskeletonslaynaked.Aknottedmoundofarmsandlegs.No
tellingwhethertheyarewomen'sormen's.Bones.Uncountable
217
bones.Eventheheadslooklikelongishbones.
ThecorpsesofhisownCarrionShedthemheknows.Knows
whentheydiedandhowtheydied.Onlyadayorsoagomanyof
themhadcometohimtothesickbay.Herememberstheirvoice,
thoughnowtheyaresilent.Heremembershoweachonehad
cheepedtohimonlyyesterday.Heevenremembersthebruises
andfestersontheirbodies.Andthosewhodidn'tcometothe
sickbayanymorehealsoknowshowtheydied.Eventhosewho
weretotedbackdeadfromtheBaustelleheknowshowthey
died,too;howtheycrumpled,shovelinBand,tothegroundof
theBaustelleandeventheKapo'sblowscouldn'tgetthemup.
ThecorpsesofhisownCarrionShedthemheknows.Ashe
knowstheairandsmellofhiscamp.
Unlikethose,piledupinthedarkthere,deepinsidethevan.
Theygiveoffastrange,alienair,asiftheyhadbroughtwith
themthesmelloftheiraliencamps.Theyareneartoyou,very
near,yetstrange.Youseemtobeofthesamebreed,youlookjust
likethem,yettheyarearevelationtoyou.Likefallendenizensof
remoteplanetswithwhomyouVecometogetheronaliensoil.
Youlookatthemandaskyourself:Howdidtheydie,andhow
hadtheylivedbeforethat?Whatkindsoftormenthadtheybeen
throughthere?Whatdoesthecamptheywerebroughtfromlook
like?Andwhatdidtheythemselveslooklike?Whatlandofaccent
didtheyhaveandwhatlanguagedidtheyspeak?
Here,inthevanparkedonyourownparadeground,theylook
likefantasticguests,likecorpsesofdistinction.First,because
theyhavebeenbroughtfromtheoutside,frombeyondthebarbed
wire,fromamysterioussomewherewhichyoucannotplumb,
thoughyouknowitexists,justastheinhabitantsofoneplanet
knowoftheexistenceofanotherplanet,yetcannotvisualizewhat
ifslikethere.
Deathiseverywherethesame.Butthelifeuptodeathvaries.
Onthemaskoftiedeadfaceweseekthetracesofthelivedlife;
it'snotthedeathinthecorpse'sfacethatfrightensus,butthelife
thathadanimatedit.Weseekthatlife,trytovisualizeit,wantto
seeitthoughitfrightensusintheabsence.
Odd.Evenontheknotted,entangledbonesofMussulman
218
skeletonsyouseekthetracesoftheirpreviousMussulnianiclife:
WJaatdidthislifelooklike?Inwliatsortofblocksdidthey
breathe?Whatkindofskydidtheyhave?WhatsortofBaustelle?
WhatdidtheirJewChieflooklike?Howmanyportionswerecut
therefromoneloaf
"Loadtheshitup!"
SuddenlyallthecorpsesintheCarrionShedbecamealikein
hiseyes.Before,hehadwantedtoseeZanvflLublineroffforthe
lasttime.Nowhegrabsthemanddragsthemastheycome:when
theSSdrivergetsback,theyallhavetobeloadeduponthevan.
Pini,RedItcheMeyer'sson,couldn'thavebeenasheavyaliveas
heisnow.Howcometheyleftthetrousersonhim?Shorttrousers,
buttheystilllooklikesomething.Pinfsbarefeettrailalongthe
ground*Suchlonglegs.NevershowedonPinithathislegsare
solong.Oh,theseatofhistrousersisinshreds.Nowonderthey
leftthemonhim.
"StudentslikePiniaretheprideandgloryoftheSagesofLub
linYeshiva,"RabbiShapiro,itsfounderanddean,hadsaid.And
Pinireallywasaprodigy.
Nowhisbarefeetdragclumsilyinthedustoftheparade
ground,asifhewerestubbornlyrefusingtogetonthevan.When
.Spitz,theJewChief,wasabouttolethisfatherhave"twentyin
theass,"Pinihurledhimselfonthefloggingbenchandcriedand
begged,"DearJewChief!SweetJewChief!Killmeinsteadof
papal"Nowyouhaveallyoucandotogethimonthevan.
Strangethingaboutthecamp.Theweakoftenholdoutlonger
thanthesturdy.FiftyyearoldItcheMeyer,thiswitheredstalk,
isstillaround.YoungPinidiedaMussulman,whilehistottering
fatherstillmakesitouttotheBaustelleeveryday.Wheredoes
suchamangethisstrength?He'salwayshutupwithinhimself,
asinasuitofarmorsilent.Buthissilenceisn'tthesilenceofa
Mussulman.Hiseyesaren'tcalcifiedandtheeyesarethemain
thing.Everythingismirroredintheeyes,fromthefirsthintof
Mussulmanishnesstotheoncomingend.THEEYES.Thewell
knownMussulmaneyes.TheXrayoftheCampling.Firstthey
.mirrorthecalcifyingsoul,onlythenthecalcifiedbody.Where*
then,areItcheMeyer'sfieryeyesconstantlygazing?
219
ThedayPinidied,ItcheMeyerrefusedtosayKaddish*for
Mm."Piniisalivel"liesaid."YoudontsayKaddishforProphet
Elijah**...Piniisalive!PinihasgonerighttoHeavenlikea
Seraph.Pinineverevenhadatasteofsin/7Afterthefirstgong
thatnight,hestoleofftotheCarrionShedandtheresatupwith
PiniinthedarkallnightButinthemorning,beforethemarch
totheBaustelle,ItcheMeyergottogetheraMinyan***under
Pini'sbunkandrecitedKaddishforhisson.Whathappenedto
RedItcheMeyerduringthenightintheCarrionShed?Wasit
revealedtohimthatPini'sbodyhadn'tbeensmeltedandrefined
enoughtomakehimworthyofgoingtoHeavenasaflamingSer
aph?Ordidhe,inthecourseofthenight,discoverablemishin
hisownsoul,thatis:Whoandwhatdoeshethinkheisthathe
shoulddareruleuponsuchmysteries?Whilehewasrecitingthe
Kaddishthegongtolled.Alltheothersdashedouttorollcall,but
thetenstoodquaking,onefootwithItcheMeyerandtheother
reachingdesperatelyfortheparadeground.Theywaitedwith
taut,quiveringbreathtohearItcheMeyerendtheKaddishso
theycouldletoutthefinal"Amen"andmakefortheparade
ground.
Thevanopeningwastoohigh.Thesweatraninrivuletsoffhis
face.Hefelthisstrengthdrainingfromhim.Hebarelymanaged
tothrowtheupperhalfofPinfsbodyonthetailboard.Hepulled
himselfupontothevanandbegandraggingPiniinside.
"PinihasgonetoHeavenlikeaSeraph../*
BehindHarry'sbacklaythestackofarmsandlegsofMussul
manskeletons.HedraggedPinitotheboneheap.Thevanstill
hastocollectmuch"shit"frommanycampstoday.HeplacedPini
atthefootoftheheap,intheworldofhumanbeingsdeathis
uniformwhilelifevaries.Justtheoppositeincamponelifeand
anassortmentofdeaths.Pinithere,helooksaltogetherdifferent
thanthoseonthestack.Notjusthim,allthebodiesfromtheCar
*Kaddisli;Jewishprayerforthedeadsaidbymourners.
***AccordingtotheBible,theprophetElijahdidnotdie,butwentupto
Leaveninafierychariot.
***Minyan:quorumoftenadultmaleJewstraditionallyrequiredfor
thefullprayerservice.
550
rionShedlookcompletelydifferentthanthese.Andtheothersto
beloadedheretodaywillprobablylookstilldifferentCampby
campwillbestackedhere,eachasaseparaterace;likevarious
specimensofdifferentplanets.Alive,theywereallalike.The
campsareallasidenticaltoeachotherasdropsinthesame
bloodstream."StudentslikePiniaretheprideandgloryofSages
ofLublinJeshiva..."Maybethere,inthestack,liesanother,
similarprodigyfromSagesofLublin.Whydotheylooksodiffer
ent,now?Whydonttheygiveoneanotheranysignsofrecogni
tion?MaybetheyusedtositonthesamebenchattheYeshiva,
shouldertoshoulder.Whydoesn'tanyofitshowonthemnow?
Maybeatathirdcampthey'llloadonanotherschoolbrotherof
theirs.Thenwhydon'ttheyidentifythemselvestooneanother?
Here,inthevan,therearenoneofthebarriersthathadseparated
andsegregatedthemfromeachotherinthecamps.Herethey're
togetheragain.Itmayhappenthathere,withinthestack,school
brother'sarmboneswillagainjoinbrother's,asinoldtimes,in
aNewMonthFeastroundelayattheSagesofLublin.Thenwhy
dotheyignoreeachother?Whydon'ttheyrecognizeonean
otheranymore?
"Load!theshitup!...**
...theSSdriverwillsoonbeout,andlie'sstandingaround
heremakinglikeaphilosopher.HeplacedPiniatthebaseofthe
stackandlethimselfdownfromthevantogoonwiththeload
ing.
**.what'sthistrucknowpillingintocamp?AnewSSguard
unit?Thisisthethirdtimesincehe'sherethattheguardhasbeen
changed.Andthereplacementsarealwaysworse.Thatlookslike
theGermanblondegettingoff.
Lookingintothedarknessofthevanfromthisfar,Pintlooks
likeapotatothathasrolledoffapotatopile;asthoughtheyhad
deliberatelythrownhimoffthemselves:tiheydon'twantany
strangersminglingwiththem.Theyhaveasecretalltheirown,
notmeantforotherstohear.Eachcamphasitsprivatesecret;the
secretwhichclosedtheminlikewallsofapotandcookedthem
together.Whattrace,then,couldhaveremainedoftheirprevious
221
Hves?Everythingwasburnedthroughandthrough.Nowthey
havetheirspecialsharedsecret;theystemfromacommonpot.
Funnything:YoungPiniisalreadylyinginthevan,andhisfifty
yearoldfatherhe'sstilloutattheBaustelle,shovelinhand.
SoonerorlatertheCatwillmarkhimdowninthebookagain.
ItcheMeyer'sruddyscalpglitterslikecopperundertheBaustelle
sky.Queercolorofskull.Eyecatching.
HedragsthemallfromtheCarrionShed.ButhebypassesZan
vilLubliner,asifignoringhim.Asiffeelingthatbythrowinghim
intothevanhellbekillingMmwithhisownhands.Towardthe
end,Zanvilhadstoppedcomingtothesickbay.Thelasttime,he
showedupwithastrangerequest:
'Treleshnik,it'stoobad,thehelpingsyougivemeeveryday.I
haven'tmuchmoresufferingtogoanyway.Bettertogivethemto
someyoungerones.Justonething:Whenyougetoutofhere,be
sogoodastogotomywifeandchildrenandtellthemIwasacci
dentallykilledbyalocomotiveduringwork.Iwouldn'tlikethem
toknowIrottedawaylikethis..."
InSchwecher'stailorshop,Zanvilwasthemastertailor.Heset
thepaceandhiswordwent.Hehadstrong,brawnyarms,asturdy
body,andwarm,tendereyes.Allthegriefoftheghettowasre
flectedinthoseeyes.Hecouldfinishoffthebuttonholesfor175
Luftwaffejacketsinhalfaworkshift.ButZanvilwasalwaysthe
lasttofinish.Solongasasingletailorwasstillsweatingatthe
buttonholemachine,Zanvildidn'tgetupfromhiswork.Poldek,
theshopsupervisor,alwayscheckedhowfarZanvilwasalongin
hiswork:IfZanvilhasn'tcompletedthequota,there'snouse
raisingitWhomdidn'tZanvilLublinerhelp!AndhowmanyJews
didliesavefromPoldekthisway!Whoelseusedtocheerupand
encourageeveryoneattheshop?NosoonerdidPoldekstepout
thanZanviTsvoicewouldringthroughtheshop:
7ews!Sewthemtheirshrouds!Welloutlivethem,maythey
fryinhell!"
NowheliesonthegroundoftheCarrionShed,lookinglikea
puny,deadembryo.Sotiny,sosluriveledNotastitchworthsteal
ingleftonhim.Towardtheend,hehadbeengoingouttothe
Baustellebarefooted.Ifhe'dgivenZanvilhisshoes,hemightstill
222
bealive.ThefirstsignofthesoulMussulmanizedisgoingabout
thecampbarefooted.ButtieCampCommanderwouldhavea
fitifhesawhis"physician"goingaroundinbarefeetHethe
"physician"doesn'tbelongtohimself.Heisaniteminthesick
bayinventory,anindispensablepartofitLikethewhitelac
queredcrib;likeanemptymedicinebottle;likeanemptyboxof
pillswhichmustn'tbethrownaway.The"physician*doesn'tbe
longtohimself.True,nooneherebelongstohimself,butitmust
berememberedthatthesickbayistheCampCommanderspet
plaything.NodoubtthatZanvilwouldstillbealiveifhe'dhad
shoesonhisfeet.Manyofthemwouldstillbealiveiftheywere
allowedtolie,evenonesingleday,inthesickbay.What*stheuse
ofthecrib?Whatuseareshoestohimasa"physician3*whodoes
nothingbutdawdleaboutthecamp?"Iwouldn'tlikemywifeand
childrentoknowIrottedawaylikethis!'Canthisthinglying
hereonthegroundoncehavebeenZanvilLubliner
"How'sitcoming,Medic?"
TheSSdrivercameoutoftheGermanQuarters,faceflorid,
eyesdrunk,blackSScapperchedbackonhispate.Hebuckled
themilitarybeltonhisblacktunicasheranhiseyesoverthe
openingintothevan.
"Whatslop!"hegrowled."That'snoorder.That'sashitpflel"
TheSSmanclimbedintothevan.Hedidn'tatallcareforthe
arrangementinside.OneaftertheotherhesnatcheduptheCar
rionShedcorpsesandflungthemontothebonestackThose
hurleddidn'trolloff.Thestackdidn'ttotterabitNotatalllike
apotatopile.Pinfstrousersshowedlikeadarkblotchonthebone
stack.Histrouserswerestillvisible,buthehimselfwasimme
diatelysuckedintothepile.Hewasnolongertobeseen.
Fromoppositetheopeningthestacklookedasbefore,asifnot
askeletonhadbeenaddedtoit,asthoughithadn'tsuckedin
everylastCarrionShedskeleton.Theyvanishedintothepileas
thoughtheyhadneverexisted,onlytheblotchthatwasPinfs
trousersshowingontheskeletonstacklikeaneccentricpatch,re
fusingtobeassimilatedintothechalMnessofthebones.Thevan
againlookedlikeatidy,deanswept,emptyhouse.Much"shit**
frommanycampsstillhastobeloadedharetoday.
22S
TheSSdriverhoppeddownfromthevan,raisedthetailboard,
andslammeditshut.Job'sdone.
"OnemorecorpseintheCarrionShed,"Harrysaid.
Fireshoweredfromhiseyes.Hefeltthehardearthofthepa
radegroundunderhisarms.Herolledoverseveraltimes.He
couldn'tgetupfromtheimpactoftheblowsmashedintohisface.
"Pusbag!"theGermansnarled."Stinkingpusbag!"
TheSSdriverwentintotheshed,grabbedthemanbythefoot
anddraggedhimtothevan.Thepunchjangledlikeheavybells
aroundhishead,buthefeltnopain.ZanvilLubliner'shead
trailedonthegroundbehindtheGerman'sfeetlikethedangling
headofaslaughteredfowl.<elwouldntlikemywifeandchildren
toknowIrottedawaylikethis."Theearthattooktheblowwas
deafened,butitwaswiththisearthathenowdistinctlyheard
thepleadingvoiceofZanvilLubliner.
TheGermanpickedupZanvilLublinerlikeadriedrabbitskin.
Hehurledhimdeepintothevan,slammedthetailboardshut,and
hoppedintothecab.Themotorcoughed,startedup.Thevan
turnedtowardthecampgate,wentouttotheroad.Thedust
swirledamongthebarbedwireslikewhitesmokeofafire.All
aroundanemptinessflowedandspread.ButinHarry'searsthe
ignitedmotorstillspluttered:
Pusbag.Pusbag.Pusbag...
Harrystruggledtogetupfromtheground.Hefelthisstrength
oozingfromhimlikelastdropsfromadrainedglass.
Hebarelydraggedhimselftotheblockgate.
II
Itwasdarkintheblock.Hesteppedheavilybetweenthebunks
towardthesickbay.Behindhim,daypeeredinthroughtheopen
blockgateasintoadark,fullvan.Thethreetieredhutchesfilled
theblocktotherafters.ItlookedlikeatallstackofdeadMussul
men.Afullvan.Theblowsmartedonhisfaceandhejustcouldn't
makeoutwhichofhistwoearswasdeafened.Theblockwasfull
beyondmeasureandthefullnessjammedintohisears.Onthe
othersideofthewoodenkitchenpartitiontheGermanswerehav
224.
ingawilddrinMngorgy.Theirrevelryearnedthroughthewood
enpartition.Hewaswalkingintheblockasinsideatraveling
sealedvancrammedwithbonesodeadMussulmen.
Inthesickbay,onthetable,thenecksoftheemptybottles
stoodinthreestraightrows,onebesidetheother,muteandim
passive.Theirmutenessamplifiedthedullroarinhisears.He
couldnolongerbeartheorder,thecompactnessonthetable.He
couldfeelthecompactnesscrampinghisbrain.Thewhitesheet
wasspreadonthewhitelacqueredcribtaut,smooth,without
theslightestwrinkle.Notaprisonerhaseverlainonthisbed.The
whitenessofthesheetsplashedagainsthiseyeslikeawhite
puddle;abloodpuddlenotredbutwhite.Thepuddlefloated
overthewallsandaroundthecorners.Fromtheglasscabinethis
breadrationlookedouttohimwhole,untouchedagainstaback
groundoftallwhitecartonsandflataluminumboxes,allinpre
ciseformationbyheightHedidn'tfeelanyhunger.Hereturned
thebreadanindifferentlook.Itdidn'tcheerhimupthistime.He
wouldn'tcareifsomeonestoleitfromhim.Hewouldn'tmissit.
Thiseveninghellbegettinganotherration.Twoportionsof
bread!Hestartedupfromthechair.Thelastthoughtstuckinhis
mind:twoportionsofThread?He'sneveryethadtwoportionsof
breadhere.UnderthearmpitsofdeadMussulmentheyoften
findtwoportionsofbread...Ashudderranthroughhim.His
bodyshookallover.TWOPORTIONSOFBREAD.Allatonce,
hefeltthattheheartinsidehimhaseyes.Enormouseyes.And
hugetearsaredroppingfromtheseeyes:HeTieisgoingtohave
TWOportionsofbread...
Throughtheglassofthemedicinecabinettheblackpieceof
breadwaslookingoutathim.Tmsick!hethoughtThebreadlay
aloof,distant;hisyetnothis;strippedoftherapturewhichsuch
abreadrationshouldarouseinacamplingdeadstuff.Justbread,
Aboveallwatchoutnotto"becomespiritualMussulmen.Hold
tight.Dontresignyourselves.Dontgiveup.Thenyourbodies
winholdoutlongerandyouwontbecomephysicalMussulmen.
ThisisthewayhesermonizestotheprisonersdayindayoutHe,
sittingalldayintheshelterofthesickbay,doingnothing,not
gettingflogged;he,whogetsadoublehelpingofsoupforhim
225
it'seasytopreach:Holdtight.Don'tgiveup.Butisn'tlienow
abouttobecomeaspiritualMussulman?
Thesickbaydoorstoodopen*
Hisbrainwasreeling.Hefeltasiflieweredriftingthrough
wavesofmurk.Hisstrengthisleavinghimandtheshoremoves
furtherandfurtheraway.Holdtight!Doritgiveup!Who'sgoing
tohelphimhere?He'sgoingunder.Theshorelinerecedes,melts
toagrayfog.Who'sgoingtocometohishelp?SpiritualMussul
man.SpiritualMussulman.Onthesiteofthebedtherewasnow
justablobofwhite.Theblobfloatedaroundthesickbay,swelled
andburst,itswhiteshredshangingdownfromthedarkcorners,
Hecouldn'tbearitanymore.Hegropedtowardthedoor,fum
bledfortheexitHefelthimselfdriftingunderthemurkywaves.
Fromthedistance,daypeeredinthroughtheblockgateasinto
thedarkofasealedvan."Suchslop!"Here,inthenarrowaisle
betweenthetripledeckhutches,there'sstillenoughroomfor
plentyofMussulmen.TheSSdriverwouldhavecrushedhiminto
thegroundifhe'dnoticed.Allthatspacegoingtowaste.Somuch
"shit"fromsomanycampscanstillbeloadedhere.Butit'snot
hisfault.RighthereRedItcheMeyerstoodthismorningwithten
prisonersaroundhim,sayingthefirstKaddishforPini.Why
doesn'themissZanvilLublineratall?Oneaftertheotherthey're
cartingthemawayoldacquaintancesandnew,friendsoflong
agoandnewfriends.Theynevercomeback.Suddenlytheydrop
outofsight,andyouneverseethemagain.Still,youjustdon't
missthem.They'rewipedawaylikethewritingonamagicslate
whenthecarbonsheetispulledup.Youdon'tseethosewhoVe
gone,butthosewhoareleft.Asthoughitisnotthegonewho
havedied,buttheremaining.Andyoucan'tmournthedeath
ofthosewhohavegonewhileyou'relookingonatthedeathof
thoseleft,thosestillhangingaroundthecamp.Whydoesn'the
feelZanviTsabsence?Zanvilwon'tbecomingbackfromtheBau
stelleanymorewithgrimybarefeetmimingbloodandpus.Hell
neveragaincomeintothesickbay,andhe,Harry,won'teverfind
himinhishutchanymore.Zanvil,histeacheratSchwecher's
tailorshop,whotaughthimhowtofixthebuttonholemachine
whenitstuck;Zanvil,whonevergottiredofshowinghimover
226
andoveragainhowtofeedtheLuftwaffetunicintothemachine
sothattheneedleshouldn'tjumpintohisfingerandtheGerman
supervisorseethathe,Harry,isn'tacraftsmanbutafakerZanvil
isnomore.Hewon'tevenbeabletorepayhimanymoreforall
hehaddoneforhim.Whydoesn'themisshim?AsifZanvilLub~
linerisn'tgoneatallbutislyinghereintheblockonthepileof
Mussulmen.Theblocklikeapackedvanridesoutofcamp.And
Harryridesalong.HeandZanvilarestayingtogether.
"Preleshmk,whenyougetoutofhere."
Getoutofherehow?Getoutwhere?Whatdoesthis"out"look
like?TheblockisridinglikeasealedSSvan.Everyoneisbeing
takenaway.Hetoo.Where?He'sbeenthrownintothevanon
thestackofwoodenhutches.Bones.Bones.Wherearethey
beingtaken?Howmanymoretimeswilltheybetakenlikethis?
Where'sthevanheadingfornow?Canthisreallybethelasttime
they'rebeingtaken?Ateveryroundupintheghettohewould
think:Thisisthelasttime!...Whenhewasdeportedfrom
theghettohewassure:Thismustbethelasttime!...When
the"LameSlavedealer"pickedhimoutoftheranksatCamp
Sakrauheknewthatthismustbethelasttime!Where'shebeing
takennow?Howmanysuch"lasttimes"arethere?Whereisthe
vantakingthebones?Atwhatkindofplacewillitpullin?Then
wherewilltheybetakenfromthere,fromthatmysteriousplace?
Alwaystakentoamysteriousplace,andalwaystakenfromthat
mysteriousplacetoanothermysteriousplace.Alwaystaken.Al
waystossedintobig,darkvans.Alwaysbonesstackedonbones.
Sometimeslivebones,sometimesdeadbones.Ifsallthesame.
Theyliveafterwardsjustthewaytheylivedbefore;andthey're
tossedintothevanbeforejustasthey'retossedintoitafterwards;
andalways,bothinthebefore"andinthe"afterwards,**the
bonesthinkthesamethoughts.
Here,rightonthisspot,theMinyanstoodthismorning.This
morninglikealltherestofthemorningswasallbedlam.The
blodkfulofbonesclackedagainsteachother,racketyasawagon
loadofscrapiron.WhowillsayKaddishforItcheMeyer?Ifthe
Catmarkshimdowninthememobooktoday*willPinihopoff
theboneheaptothrowhimselfonthebench,orwfflthebench
227
wait,empty,forItcheMeyertocomeandliedownonithimself?
TheCatwon'tmakeanymorememosonZanvil.Andmaybe?
Maybethere,atthevan'slaststop,thereisanothersuchCat,who
willagainmakememosonZanvil?Nomatterwheretheytakeyou
there'ssuchaCatNomatterwhere,thereareGermans.Bones
andGermans.HeavenmustalsobefullofGermans.Bonesand
Germans.
WhenevertenmenareneededforaMinyan,theyrunfirstfor
themedic.Medic,theyfigure,alwayshastime.Hewon'tturn
themdownthoughhedoesn'tgoforallthathimself.ItwasZanvil
whogotitgoing.Probablywon'tbeanymoreprayinghere.And
Zanvilwon'tbegettinguptheSabbathmorningMinyanany
more.Thismorning,ItcheMeyerjustcouldn'tgethismouthto
letgothewordsofKaddish:
"Yisgadalveyiskadash...*Oh,PiniPini*
EveryonelitoutforroUcall.Thegongwasringing.The"ten"
werebesidethemselves,desperatetodashouttorollcall.And
ItcheMeyerstillatit,**Yisgadalveyiskadash...Oh,Pini
Pini'
Thetenfinallyboltedout.Hetailedafterthem,gotintothe
ranks,marchedouttotheBaustelleallthewhilehislipsmut
tering:**Yisgadalveyiskadash...PuriPM**
Whydon'ttheytakeeveryoneawaytogether?WhenRedItche
MeyergetsbackfromtheBaustelle,theCarrionShedwillalready
beempty.TheJewChiefwillprobablyputonthewhitesmock
andtakeoverasmedic.TheCampCommanderwon'thavehis
sickbaywithouta"physician."Everyonewillbesweptawayfrom
here,exceptthebottlesonthesickbaytable.Howlongsince
ZanvilLublinerwasstillZanvilLubHner?Itwasonlytwoorthree
daysagothathestoppedfeelinghungry,gazedattheblocklike
a"philosopher,"laydownandwaitedtobecarriedouttothe
CarrionShed.AMussulmannevercloseshiseyes.Oncehestarts
gazingwiththemlikea"philosopher"heneverstopsgazingthat
way*WhendoesaMussulmandie?SpitzletZanvilhaveitwithan
ironwireacrossthefacetogethimupandoutforrollcall.He
didn'tbelievehimthathewasreallydead."Letthemediccome
*OpeningwordsofKaddish.
228
andsettleifit'sastifflayingonthebunkorafucMn'loafer/"
Spitzwillputonthewhitesmock,standarmsakimbolikeSieg
fried,theSSman,whenhe'sabouttopoundthelifeoutofa
prisonerandfeelhimselfruleroftheroostWhendoesaMussul
mandie?Isitonlywhenhe'stossedintothevan,orwhenhe's
stillmooningaroundthecamp,a"philosopher"?Ormaybethe
Mussulmandoesn'tdieatallforthedeadcan'tdie.Maybehe
himselfislongsincedeadandisonlyroamingaroundhereaMus
sulmanamongMussulmen.Intheeveningtheblockorderlieswill
bebackfromtheBaustelle.They'lldraghimoutandthrowhim
intotheCarrionShed.Spitzwilleatupthebreadrationinthe
medicinecabinet.Toobadaboutthatpieceofbread,Betterarchi
tectWeisblumshouldhaveit.Who'lltellhimtogetitthere?If
hetellstheblockorderlieswhilethey'recarryinghim,theylljust
keepthebreadforthemselves.Hewon'tbemuchofascareto
themnow:they'retotingMmtotheCarrionShed,Theblockor
derliesareaviciouscrew.Inallthecampstheblockorderliesare
rotten,lowdowncreatures,withoutheartorconscience.Howthey
fawnedonhimandplayeduptohimwhenhewasmedic.Archi
tectWeisblumwillprobablyneverbecomeaMussulman.Non
sense!That'swhathethoughtaboutZanvilLubliner.Lookwhere
itlefthimintheend.God,ifonlythatracketintheheadwould
letupabit!MustbethatallMussulmenhearthissortofdullroar
intheears.That'swhytheydon'thearwhenthey'rebeingspoken
to.Juststareblankly,blankly...
Thekitchendoorwasopen.EyesofMussulmenstareblank
ly...TheGermanblondecomescloser,reelingtowardhim.
Hereyeshangontohis.HergaitliketheSSdriver'sdrunken.
Inthenarrowaislebetweenthethreetierhutcheshernudeshoul
dersarchwhite,likeaslopeofthemoundofMussulmeninthe
van.Thetrousers!WherearePinfstrousers?Hestoodstaring
blanklyahead.JustthewaytheSSdrivercameathimbefore.He
didn'tbudge:Pusbag.Pusbag.Pusbag...
Hestoodthere,staring.AllMussulmenstandandstarethisway,
Don'trunaway.He'sneverseenaMussulmanrun.TheMussul
manstands,stands,andstaresblankly...
Shewrappedherarmsaroundhim.Shewasathisfeel,stretdb
229
ingoutnudearmstoMm.Shewasstrokingtheskirtofhiswhite
smock:
"Oh,HolyOne...*
Overagainsthiseyesthekitchendoorstoodopen.Hesaw:a
halfwindow.Anormalwindow.Alightlettingwindow.Awin
dowofanotherworld.Abarlesswindowthewaywindowsused
tobe.Awindowsetwithpanesfacesofdaylight.Awhitelac
queredsill.Loavesofbreadonthesill,oneontopoftheother,
small,oblongloaveswhole.He'dalreadyforgottenwhatawhole
breadlookslike.Atcampyouonlyseerationslices.
"Oh,HolyOne!Lookatme/*sheblubbered.
Itwasasinadream.Heheardthevoiceasthroughthickwalls,
aswithcloggedears,asthoughhewereunderwater.Likeone
nailedtoacrosshestoodrivetedtotheairbehindhim.He
couldn'tmoveanddidn'thavethestrengtheventotry.Hiswill
wasclottedashiswholebeingwasclotted.Hedidn'tscareand
hedidn'tdrawback.Hisfearwascalcified,suckeddry.Aweird,
novelfear.Afearsappedoftheliquidvenom,asthoughthewarm
torsoofaserpentwerewrappedaroundhim,withtwoteatsin
steadoffangsbaredathim.
Itwasasinadream.Astatic,immobiledreamfilledwithemp
tiness.Likeabayonetedrifleaimedupward,notattheheart.
SiegfriedtheSSmanappearedintheMtchendoorway.His
hulkblockedthehalfwindowandthewholeloavesofbreadon
thesill.Harryfeltnofear,sinceeverythingwasdevoidofreality,
asinastupor.Hewantedtowonder:Whydoesn'thefeelany
fear?Buthedidn'twonder.Itwasgoodtofeelthisway.Itwas
goodtofeelnofear.AsthoughSiegfriednolongerhadthepower
toharmhim.Noonecanharmhimanymore.Hefelthehadjust
crossedaboundary.Therewasaboundary,andhehadcrossed
itCrossedbutnotfarover.Heisstillabletolookbacktothe
sidehecamefrom,andhecanseeeverything,everything,justas
ifhewerestillthere.
Siegfriedstandswithouthisblacktunic,armsakimbo.Queer.
Inhiswhiteundershirt,Siegfriedismoreterrifyingthaninhis
blackSStunic.TheGermanwomaniskneelingathisfeetHe
hearsanddoestfthear.They'retalkingtoeachothershetoSieg
530
friedandSiegfriedtoher.What'stheretotalkabouthim?What's
theretotalkaboutaprisonerwhoisabouttobetossedonthe
van?Ifshimthey'retalkingabout.Hehears.Hesees.Hestares,
thewaythethreetierhutchesstare,thewaytheskeletonskulls
inthevanstare.
"Pleasetakehimalongthere/*theGermanwomanpleads
drunkenly."Illdoanythingyouwant,Siegfried."
OnSiegfried'sbeltbuckleaneaglespreadsitswingsabovea
swastika.JustliketheGestaposealonthelaborcardatSchwech
er'sshop.Thearmsoftheswastikaterrifyhimmorethanthe
clenchedfistsonSiegfried'ships.Acoldshiverrunsoverhim,
Thearmsoftheswastika...
"Let'sgo,Medic!"
Siegfriedpullshim.Thetripledeckhutchesmovebackward.
Hewalks,buthefeelsthatheisstanding.TheGermanwoman
pusheshimfrombehindandwhimpersdrunkenly.ZanvilLub
line/sheadistrailingbehindtheSSdriverlikethedangling
headofaslaughteredfowl,butheclearlyseesthatitisn'tZanviTs
headbuthisown.Thearmsoftheswastika.Thefirsttimehesaw
themwasthemorningtheGermanscameintoMetropoli.They
herdedalltheJewsintotheworkroomsoftheGutsteinBrothers
plant.Theycalledthemtothetable,oneatatime.Thearmsof
theswastikasprawledacrossaredflagagiantcrabwelteringin
blood.
"WhatisHitler?"theGermansasked.
ThebloodgushedfromthemangledbodyoftheJew.The
armsoftheswastikawhirlontheredGermanflagliketheblades
ofanenormousmeatchopper.
"WhatisHitler?9
Shecaresseshim:"Oh,HolyOne!"andwhimpersintoMsear,
drunk,halfnaked.
TheaircoagulatedaroundhimandhewasclottedintoitThe
bunkshavevanishedlikethedepartedvan,Wherethevanhad
stoodthereremainedonlygnawing,achingdaylight.Thekitchen
doorwayengulfshimlikethelightoftheparadegroundcleared
ofthevan.TheoldVolksdeutschecookstandsfacingthestove,
sleevesrolledupherarms.Gustsofvaporspurtfromthecaldrons.
231
Todayit'sprobablyjacketpotatoes.What'sSpitz'sfloggingbench
doingthere?Siegfrieddragshim.Hitlergapesdownwildeyed
fromthekitchenwall:What'saJewdoingintheGermankitchen?
Kill!Kill!Kill!..."Oh,HolyOne!"thedrunkenGermanwoman
whimpers,openingthesecondkitchendoor.Thecookgoeson
standingoverthesteamingcaldrons;doesn'tevenlookup.As
thoughnothingunusualwerehappeninginthekitchen.Moment
linkswithmoment.Asteelchain.Nogap.Anonrushingcataract
Dropdissolvesindrop.Infinityandsplitsecondmeltintoone.
Beginningandendconverge.It'samutelifeanddeathpuppet
show;someonecommandsyourmoves;someonepullsyoubythe
sleeve;speech.Butthelifearoundyouisinarticulate,unreal.
AiroftheGermanpale.Here,hereistheirsphere.Herethey
live.ThisisthewaytotheGermanQuarters.Apassageway.A
stairvestibule.Clean,sharp,coolasthebladeofaslaughter
knife.
He'slongsinceforgottenthatintheworld,once,therewere
stairs,awoodenbanister,knobsanddoorsbehindwhichaperson
couldlockhimselfinandhavesolitude.Lockhimselfinand
stillbefree.He'slongsinceforgotten,thoughinthatworldhe
himselfhadgoneupanddownsuchstairs,goneinandoutthe
doorwheneverhefeltlike.Notled.Notdragged.There,every
doorhadamarker.Eventhedoorofhishousehadamarker.
Abronzemarker,withhisnameengravedonitohyes,hehad
hadaname.Anameallhisown.Apersonal,privatename.Every
onewasasomebody,then,andhewasalsosomebody.Onceit
was"stairvestibule."JustthatSTAIRVESTIBULE.Nowifs
SS!ThestairsSSish.Asifthestairswereoutfittedinablack
SStunic;thebanistergrillework,withaswastikainthecenter.
Stairsnotonwhichyouwalk,butwhichwalkyou,leadyoulike
SSmen.Wherearethestairstakingyou?Wheredoesthevan
takewhenitleavescamp?Atwhatkindofplacewillthevan
pullup?Whatlandofplaceishebeingtakentonow?Again
they'releadingMm.Howmanymoretimeswillhebeledlike
this?What'sattheplacehe'sbeingledto?
Thesensationofroundupintheghettocameoverhim;the
232
feelingofSelektionduringaGermanAktionintheghetto
Howmanytimesdoesamandie?
Ill
Hewasstandinginside,bythedoor,asonthethresholdbe
tweendreamingnightmareandwakingtomadness.TheGerman
Quarters!He'sinside.Hecouldtangiblyfeelthethoughtschurn
ingandsomersaultinginInsmind.Thesceneclawedintohis
brainandturnedhismindtopsyturvy*Likesomeonestanding
onhisheadforthefirsttime,seeinghousesgrowingdownfrom
above,roofsreachingdownintothesky.Hecan'tbeherebut
hereheis.HiseyesplainlyseeitHeretheyare,thewilddrunken
voices.Backthereinthesickbayheheardthem.Nowhesees
them.Sprawlingmouths.Hedoesn'theartheshouts,hesees
them.They'reclosinginon"him.He'sstandingamidthem,sink
ing,sinkingintothem.Hecannolongerfindhimself.Can'tfeel
himself.Inthehangingyellowoftheaironlythewhitenessof
hissmockremindshimthathe'shereinarealbody.Andaslie
remembered,hissubconsciousfeltinaspasmthefullhorrorof
it:thevoicesoftheGermanQuarters.Oh...oh...hemust
hurryandrushupandhideinthedarkinahutchonthethird
tier.AtCampSakrautheGermansgotholdoftheJewChiefand
hauledhimintotheirQuarters.Whentheprisonerscameback
fromtheBaustelletheyfoundhimlyinginoneoftheblocks
dead,naked,hisbodyamessofqueerbluespots.What'shedoing
here?Howdidhegethere?
It's:shriekingbedlam.It's:braininsideoutIt's:deafblank
ness.Noonepaysattentiontohimhere.TheGermanwomanis
stillkneelingathisfeetThebedlamdrownsoutherbleating.
Onthewindowsthesunsprawlsbehindloweredyellowshades.
EverythingissoggywiththickyellowlightBottlesempty,part
empty,overturnedandscatteredrollingontheflooramong
wigglingnakedbodiesofmenandwomenmoaningandpanting
drunkenly.NoonepaysattentiontoMTT*here.Noonenoticeshim.
Noonewonders:What'sthemedicdoinghereinhiswhitesmock?
233
Everythingswarms,wriggles,yetisfrozenstillastheheavy
yellowlightEverythingisnormalhere.Thewildestabsurdity
thesoberestreality.Anythinggoeshere,anythingispossible,
thewayanythinggoesandispossibleininsanity.Deathandlife
dwelltogetherhere.Bloodandwinearedrunkfromthesame
flasks.TheCarrionShedandtheSSroomsareone.Borderserased.
Boundarieslost.Belowtheprisoners*block;abovetheSS
rooms.Theprisoners*blocklikeawinecellarbeneaththe
GermanQuarters.Eachmadefortheother.Eachfulfillingthe
other.Cellarandsalonmeetherelikewineflasksonthetablesof
therich.
TheCatisholdingawomanonhisknees.Hemoansandwails
intoher.Hisgapingmouthislikeadarktoothlesscavern.His
eyessquintasinpain.Hisblackwhiskerendstailingdownthe
sidesofhismouthdilatetheblacknessofhiscavemouth.He
kneadsandpinchesthewoman'snakedfleshwithhisfingers,let
tingoutoddmewls.%^
TheCat...
TheCatisoffdutyfromtheBaustelletoday.Todayhismemo
bookwon'tbeoperating.Thefloggingbenchstandsidleinthe
kitchen.What'sthebenchdoinginthekitchen?TheCatwants
tosinkhisgapingmouthintothewoman'sflesh,buthehasno
teeth.Andwithscrewedupeyesheloosesheartrendingcater
waulsupintothethickyellowair.
"Medic!Betterdosomethingaboutthatbugupyourass."
TheCatdoesn'tcareforoldprisoners."Pini,away!Pini,awayr
What'sthebenchdoinginthekitchen?"Yisgadalveyiskadash...
OhyPiniPini"Thenudebodiesareheapedaboutonthefloor
likeatangledmassofMussulmeninthedarknessofthevan.
Funny:SSlyingonthefloorlikeMussulmen!
What'shedoinghereintheGermanQuarters?Howdidheget
here?NoonewondersaboutitAsthoughhisstandingherewere
anormal,perfectlyreasonablefact.Hereeverythingisreasonable.
Heretherearenoqualms,nodoubts.Hereit'schaos;ayellow
hodgepodgeofnudityandbottlesonthefloor."Siegfried,please
takehimalong."It'sabacdbanaliaofsoundwhichisearsplitting
stillness;weepingwhichislaughter.TheyoungJewChiefat
234
Sakrauwasthrownintotheblockdead,queer"bluespotsonMs
body.Whatdidtheydotohim?WhatwillSiegfrieddotohim
now?Howdidhegethere?Thefourlegsotheoverturnedtable
jutupintotheyellowair.Bottlesandnudity.Hecantremember.
Heseeksbutjustcannotfindhimself.TheGermanQuarters!
Whatwillhappentohimhere?TheGermanwomanispouring
itdownhermouthfromafullbottle.She'ssprawledonthefloor
infrontofhim,strugglingtogetup,tokneelathisfeetagain.
Butshecan't"Let'sgo,Medic"Siegfriedthenwentintothenext
room.He'llprobablyberightoutHitlerlooksinthroughthe
opendoorfromthewallofthenextroom.Abrowncapeonhis
shoulders.Thunderheadspileupbehindhim.Thepictureisfire
redandbrown.Asthoughheweresoaringthroughatempestof
flame.ThearmsoftheswastikaonHitler'sarmbandgrowhuger,
huger.Thebandisred.Everythingturnsred.Aseaofflaming
red.Andinthecenter,thearmsoftheswastikatwirllikethe
bladesofawindmill."WhatisHitler?*SoontheGermanswill
summonhimtothejudgmenttableintheworkroomsofthe
GutsteinBrothersplant.Heisdownonhiskneestogetherwith
alltheMetropoliJews.AnymomentnowtheyTlcallhimoutof
thekneelingmass.TheyTlaskhim,eWhatisHitler?"
Outofacorneremergesanudewoman.Shemoveslikeasleep
walker.Thewindowshadesshutoutthesunlikeabeastblocking
offthelightwithitsglossyyellowpeltEverythingisdrenched
withyellow.What'sthat?whafsthatscratchingbetweenthe
woman'sbreasts?Theletterstumbleaboutbeforehiseyes.He
caninnowayputthemtogether.Thedigitsbeneatihthemleap
upamongthelettersandjumbleupwiththem.TheGerman
womanisstilltryingtowrapherarmsaroundhislegs,snorting
drunkenly.Theupturnedtablelegstwirlbeforehiseyeslikethe
armsoftheswastikaonayellowarmband.Theblueeyesofthe
womanhookintohisbrain.Howdidtheseeyesgethere?Where
didtheysuddenlyfloatupfrom?WhatareDaniella'sblueeyes
doinghere?"Theloveliestcoupleintheworld,PaandMa!9
Dani'svoice...Theeyesscream...Hermouthgapes...
IfsDaniella'svoicescreamingtohim.Hehears.Heclearlyhears.
THARRYH!HARRY!!!"
235
IV
Hewaslyingontheflooroutside,bythestairs.Whenhe
openedhiseyesthetwoblackbootsoftheCampCommander
werestandingbesidehishead.Stillnessspranguponhimasif
thousandsofmotorshadsuddenlystoppedroaringinhisears.
ThesuddenbraMagofthedinwasmoredeafeningthanthedin
itself.Hecouldfeelthestillnessstreamintohim.Theshoutsof
theGermansnowreachedhimfrombehindthecloseddoorsmore
muffledthanheusedtoheartheminthesickbay.TheCamp
Commander'sfacewasgrave,meditative:Shouldhefinishhim
off?Shouldhecrushhimwithhisbootandhavedonewiththe
shit?Orshouldhelethimliveandcontinueasphysician?
Hewaslyingonthefloorbythestairsandhefeltthathislife
nowlayonthefloorbesidehimlikeaseveredobject.Anymoment
andtheblackbootwilltrampleit.Hecouldn'tmove.Hewas
unabletobreathe,todisgorgefrominsidehimeitherpleaor
anger,painorvengeance.Helayasifboundtoasacrificialaltar.
Heraisedhiseyelids,lookedupward,sawasthroughafinespun
veil:noweverythingistransparent,nowit'sallblurred.Nowhe
sees,hears,understandsandknowseverythingthathappenedto
him,andnowheknowsnothingatall.Ishislifestillalive,orhas
italreadybeencrushed?He'srighthere,andheisn'there.Here
arethehighblackboottops;theCampCommander'sface;the
wallsofthestairvestibule;doorsheseesthemall.Andnow
everythingisagainswampedwithyellowchaos.Eyesblueeyes,
wideopeninscream:Harry!Harry!Andagainstillness.Asif
theroarofthousandsofmotorshadsuddenlystoppedinhis
ears.Stillness...
Besidehimonthefloorlieshislifelikeaninfantofhis.Any
momentnowtheblackbootwillcrushit,anditwon'tshowany
morefromunderthebootsole.Anysecondnow.Theinfantlies
besidehim...
He'slyingonthefloor.Theblacksheenofthebootsgleamsby
Mshead.Heliftshiseyes,looksupward:theCampCommanders
eyes..
236
Thefaceabovefoldedintoasmile.Thebootsturnedand
walkedtothedoor.TheCommanderopenedthedoor,walked
in,shutit.Stillness,He'slyingonthefloor.OppositeformliesMs
life,wayofffromhim.
Wavesuponwaves.Thewallsofthestairvestibuletossona
highsea.Yellow.Red.Wavestosshimbetweenopendoors,and
theswastikaonSiegfried'sbeltbucHeloomsupbetweenthe
waves.
"TakehimbackwhereyoubroughthimfromPtheCommander
orders.
Siegfriedisdragginghimoverthestairs,buthedoesn'tfeel
himselfbeingdragged.Pioi'sbarefeettrailacrosstheparade
ground,stillstubbornlyrefusingtogetuponthevan.
Thecook,theoldVolksdeutsche,isstillstandingatthestove.
Sleevesrolledup,shegoesonstirringinthecaldronsanddoesn't
turnherhead.Asthoughitwereanaturalthing,hisbeing
draggedbackalongthekitchenfloornow.Normalasthepotatoes
sheisnowboilinginthecaldrons;asthesmallblackbreadslying
thereonthewindowsill,eachofwhichshewillcutupintotwelve
rations.Normalaseverythingaroundhereisnormal:thepris
oners*blockonthatsideofthekitchenandtheGermanQuarters
onthis;theskyshowingthroughthewindow;Hitler'spictureon
thekitchenwall.
Columnsofsteameruptfromthecaldrons,andtheoldcook
doesn'teventurnherhead.
Tworowsoftripledeckhutchesjoinhim,dragalongwithMm
throughthedarknessoftheblock.Where'shebeingdragged?
Wherewilltheyhalt?Hesuddenlyfeltasharppainraminto
hisribs.ThepainleapsupintoMsthroatandplugsMsbreath.
Siegfriedhaspaidthemedicbackwithafistintheribsanda
bootinthebellyforhavinghadtocarryMm.Hewasboiling
mad:SincewhenhasSiegfriedgottocarryalivingJew?Whata
friggin*chorefortheCampCommandertohandhim!
HedumpedMmontheground,spatdisgustedly,andwasgone.
PaincrouchedaroundMm,lootinghimstraightintheeyes,
stalkinghimlikeapackoftrainedSShounds.Withtheleaststir
237
ofalimbthepainpounceduponhimanddrovesharpfangs
deep,deepintohim.Hewaslyingonthegroundandhecouldn't,
hedidn'tdaresomuchasraisehishead.
Hewaslyingfacedown.Allaround,everythingwasdead,
empty.Thegroundwasclosebyhiseyesunyielding,unpitying.
Hecouldseetheground,butcouldn'tfleeintoitItwasshutbe
neathhimlikethelockeddoorofsomeoneelse'sbunkerduringa
GermanAktionintheghetto.Hefelthewasontheoutside.
Thehutchestoweredvacantoverhim.Whentheprisonersget
backfromtheBaustellethey'llfindhimlyingonthegroundof
theblock.TheJewChiefatSakraulaynude,withqueerspots
alloverhisbody.Ishealsolyingnudenow,orishestillinhis
whitesmock?Spitzwillordertwoblockorderliestocarryhim
overtotheCarrionShed."Easynow,Medic!Betterdosome
thingaboutthatbugupyourass!9ThetenJewsboltedoutto
rollcall.RedItcheMeyerweeping:"Yisgadalveyiskadash..?
AndDam'svoicescreamingtohim:"Harry!!!Harry!!!"Turmoil.
Hemustbeoutofhismind!Buthedidseeandhear!Butwhere
didDanicomeherefrom?ButheplainlysawDaniella'seyes!
He'soutofhismind!Buthedidhearhercry:"HarryF9The
screamsarestillringinginhisears.Whathappenedtohimnext?
Whereishenow?ThevanpulledupattheCarrionShed.He
clearlyremembersthat.Hewaswaitingforthevan,waitingto
seeZanvilLublineroff.Heremembersitexactly.Hecanstill
heartherumbleoftheapproachingvan.No.Hedidn'tdreamit
up.Thenhewasdraggingthecorpses.Heclimbedintothevan.
HelaydownandsankinamongthedeadMussulmen.Hewas
riding.Heclearlyremembersfeelingthatthevanwasriding,and
thathewasridinginit.
Wherearetheyall?Assoonashegetsouthemustfirstgoto
ZanvilLubliner'swifeandchildrenandtellthemtheirfather
didn'trotawaylikeastinkingMussulman.That'sasacredvow!
Pusbag.Pusbag.Pusbag.Whathappenedtohimnext?Where
didthevantakehim?WheredidhecomeacrossDaniella'seyes?
TheCampCommanderwasbendingoverhim.Hetookhim
upinhisarmsandcarriedhimintothesickbay,
Hewaslyingonthewhitesheetinthewhitelacqueredcrib
538
nono!That'sprohibited!Strictlyprohibited!TheCampCom
mander'sfacesmiledforgivenessathim.TheCommanderpulled
outhiscigarettecase.AwhiteTE16"cylindertumbleddownand
rolledawayfromtheblackboots.TheCommanderlithimselfa
cigarette,andtheblacksheenofhisbootswasgonebeyondthe
sickbaydoor.
Onthetable,themedicinebottlesstoodinthreestraightrows,
likeprisonersatrollcall.Fromthesmallglasscabinetonthe
walltherestaredathimwhole,untouchedthebreadration.
Bythetable,oppositeeachother,stoodtwochairs:oneforthe
medic,onefortheMussulman.Thechairswereempty.
Suddenly,hefeltanawfulpainaroundhiseyes.Fromevery
limbofhisbody,fromhisskin,fromtherootsofhishair,thepain
convergeduponhiseyesandallstartedbeseechinghim:
"Atearatearplease,justone..?
HerolledoffthewhitesheetThesearingpainaroundtheeyes
grewmoreagonizing,moreexcruciating.Aroaringblaze.The
pupilsofhiseyesflaredupliketwoseethingvolcanoes,andthe
paineruptedandstreamedintohiseverybone.Hedraggedhim
selftothetable,lethimselfintotheMussulmanseatQueer
soundsstartedescapingfromhisthroatTheweirdcheepingof
anailingbird.Hisarmsreachedouttotheemptychairopposite.
"AtearPlease,onlyonejustone../*
Heliftedhisgnarled,calcifiedhandsandpointedtohiseye
lids:There...he...hefeelssomethingthere,somethinghe's
neverfeltbefore....Hetwitteredandbreathedhispleatothe
emptychair:
**...tear...only...onlyone..?
HippocratesofConcentrationCampUniverse!Brescribethis
patienthiscure!
239
Chapter19
FellawaspressingDaniella'sshoulderstothelatrinewallwith
allhermight,asthoughsheweregrapplingwithsomeoneoutto
harmher.
Shefeltshehadcontrolofthebodyclampedbetweenher
hands,butnotofthemaddemonthrashingaboutandstruggling
insidethisbody.Daniella'sheadstrainedviolently,unremittingly
tobreakthroughthehalfopenlatrinegateouttothenight
todeath.
Nousewastingwords.Nousetryingtoconvince.Something
horribleisabouttohappen.SheforcesDaniellabackagainstthe
wall,keepingbetweenherandthegate.Shekeepsatightgrip
onthebodybutthisisn'tDaniella.Afiendhasgottenintoher,
andit'sthefiendnowfightingtobreakloose.Itshecan'tcheck.
Itsheispowerlesstoovercome.
Beyondthebridge,abovethetreetops,aprofilemoonhurries
acrosstheskyasthoughonanimportantandurgentmission.
Themoonlookslikeajesterfool'scaponhead,pointedbeardon
chin.Tattersofclouds,likegauzywhiteveils,clutteritsway,but
itcutsthroughthemandhurriesonyetremainsatastandstill,
overtheExecutionSquare.
Theywerebythehalfopenlatrinegate.Totheright,opposite
theKB,theroundlakelayonthegroundlikeaheadflunginto
theJoyDivision,thewoodenbridgelikeanoosearounditsneck.
Daniella'seyesblazedwithuncannylightandherlipsmoved:
"HARRYSSTANDINGINAWHITECLOUD..."
Theredbulbsabovetheelectricbarbedwirelookedatthe
JoyDivisionlikegloweringeyesguardingtherosyblocks.Oppo
240
site,thenightdippednudeinthelakebythelightofthered
bulbs.Theforwardendofthebridgewasahazeofcrimson.
Nearby,fromthesealedendoftheKBblockaweirdcooingrose
asfromadovecoteakindofmadman'slament.Midlake,where
redvergedonblack,thebraceofswansstoodwhite,liketwo
marblestatuesinreverie,gazingattheJoyDivision.TheKBwas
steepedindarkness.Themournfulplaintrosefromtheblock,as
ifthesoulsofthedepartedgirlshadcomebacktobewailinthe
deadofnightthosenotyetgone,
Daniella'seyesplowedtowardthelake:Thesentryboothon
thebridgeissetbackinthedark,outofsightAHaroundred
...crimsonred...amaelstromofHackandred...Harry
standsinawhitesmockasshroudedincloud..."he9slookingat
her...he'spinionedinthecloud...midlake,wherered
vergesonblack,thebraceofswanswhitenliketwinstatues
againstthedarkofnight,gazeather...callher...
ShetwistedandthrashedaboutinFella'shands.Theywere
standingbythehalfopenlatrinegate.Nousewastingwords.The
Daniellabetweenherhandsshecanstillhandle,keepbetween
herselfandthewall.ButthatoneblazinginDaniella'seyes
thatonecan'tbebroken,can'tbeheldagainstthewall.TheyTI
allgobalmyhere.What'stheuse.She'stheonethatsentherto
Niederwalden.Whocouldhaveseenitcoming?TzipporaShaf
ran'sendisallsetforDaniella.They'llallgobalmyhere.Dani
ellawon'tescapetheExecutionSquare,likeTzipporaShafran
didn'tescapeit
SheletherhandsdropfromDaniella'sshoulders.
Daniellastoppedwrithing.Shestoodserene,still,lookingdi
rectlyatFella'sface,asthoughshewereonlyfustnoticingher,
HerhandswereextendedtoFella:inonehandthenotebook,
intheotherthelocketHereyesimpaledFella's.
"GetthistomybrotherinNiederwalden."
Fellaangrilysnatchedthenotebookandlocketfromtheout
stretchedhandsandrantowardthebackofthelatrine.She
wantedtodumpthethingsintooneofthelatrineholes.Daniella's
mushyrequestsoundedsilly,andexasperatedher.Shewasused
totakingcareofherlike,amotherandbigsister.Butasshera0
241
tothelatrineholesshecouldn'tshakeDaniella'slookfromher
eyes.Thiswasalookshehadneverseenbeforenew,piercing,
overpowering.Apersonwholookslikethatiswayaboveher.
Shesuddenlyfeltshecouldn'tdarethrowthethingsintothe
holes.Butshewasstillfurious.Shehadtoletitoffsomehow.
Shewheeledaroundandflungthenotebookandlocketdeepinto
theblock.
Whenshegotbacktothelatrinegateitwastoolate.The
spotwhereDaniellahadbeenstandingamomentagowasempty.
FromoutthedarknessDaniella'swhitedrapedfiguremoved
off.Shewaspacingstraightforthelake,movingintothereddish
lightofthewidecamproad.Thenightcrouchingonbothsides
ofthebarbedwireopenedred,inflamedeyesandtenselyfol
lowedthemovementsofthedelicateformofthegirlinthewhite
linennightgowncomingdirectlyintoitswaitingmaw.
FellaclungtothelatrinedoorpostShewastooterrifiedto
utterasound.Herfearbulgingeyesstrainedtowardthedwin
dlingwhitesilhouette,asthoughwishingtotearoutafterDani
ella,seizeherandforceherbackintothedarkness.Ifonlyshe
couldcallouttoher,warnheragain!Daniellawasnowexposed
toallthewatchtowerspostedalongthewholelengthoftheroad.
Theslightestoutcryandit'sallover.It'sallupanyway.There's
nostoppingitNowayoutanymore.Anysecondnow.
Fromthedarknessblanketingthebackendofthebridge,the
blackfigureoftheSSsentrypeeledoutlikeabaredfangofthe
nightHeaimedhisgunslowly,deliberately,asthoughstillnot
believinghisowneyes.Heisn'tsureyetofthewindfallthathas
comehisway,thoughheclearlyseeshisluckynumberrightthere
infrontofhim.Heseesthe"threedayfurlough"drawingnear.
Ifsinthebag.It'salreadyoutofthebailiwickoftheotherwatch
towers.Buthe'scareful,careful.Stalkswithbatedbreath,and
waits.
Thewhitesilhouettefadesslowlyuptheslopingroadtothe
lake.Shedoesn'trun.Shedoesn'tturnherhead.Shewalksproud,
erect.Facingherarethebraceofswanslikeatwinsculpture
Thenightansweredthegunburstwithwild>rollickinglaughter.
Thewatchtowersallalongtheroadperkedupandbentanear.
242
TheSSsentryonthebridgecouldn'tcurbthebillowsoflaughter
rearingupinhimandhesentthemtumblingdowntothelast
watchtowerontheroad:LetallKameradenknowthatcome
morning,hegetsthreedays7furlough.His"kilTisrightherein
sidehisterritory.Hooo,didhepullthatoffshrewdandcareful.
Helethis"game"getnearthewater.Didn'tshootasecondbe
fore.YouVegottoknowhowtotimeitright.Andheknew,the
bridgesentrydid!
Upattheheadotheroadasplotchwhitens.Withanout
stretchedblacktonguethenightlappedupthespilledbloodof
theseventeenyearoldDoll.Thetwinswanstatuesuddenlycame
tolife.Thegunbursthadfrightenedthemoutoftheirmarble
serenity,andwithoutspreadwingstheywentglidingquickly
awayfromthecampshore,asifbearingontheirwhitewingsthe
torturedlifeofDaniellaPreleshnik.
Fellastoodgluedtothelatrinewall.
FromtowertotowertheGermanvoicesenviouslyshrilledthe
newsofthebonanzaoneoftheKameradenhadjustcomeinto.
FromthenearbyKBblockthehorriblecooingdidnotletup*
Thevenerealgirlswereweepingintheirisolationoverthevan
comingforthematdaybreak.Thebridgesentry,intoxicatedwith
joy,strucktheposeofanoperasingeronstage,andfromthe
topofhislungsletthenightairringwiththeGermansoldier
song:
THaheileelulala.."
Whocancomeuptohim?Tomorrowhe'sgoingtohisfamily:
Maybetomother,waitingathome.Maybetosister,ortolittle
onlydaughterwhomhesopinesforashestandshereonthe
bridge.MaybehislittlegirlisasoldastheToll**inthewhite
nightgownlyingthereontheroad.Threedays*furlough!Let*s
seeyoumatchthat!
Fellacouldn'tbeartostandthereanymore.Thedovecooing
fromthedepthsoftheKBblockwasdrivinghermad.She
couldn'tbearitanymore.Shewentbackintothelatrineblock.
Ontheground,attheotherendoftheblock,laythenotebook
andthelocketShebentandpickedthemup.Shefeltasthough
DanieHa'slifenowrestedonthepalmsofherhands."Getthisto
243
mybrotherinNiederwalden"Shetuckedthenotebookintoher
campsmock,onherbosom.Herfleshquiveredatthefeelofthe
paperonherheart,
Onhigh,behindandthroughthecloudshreds,thecrescent
moonhurriedon.Fellacouldn'tbearanymoretolookintothe
night,atthesplotchwhitingontheroad.Shepacedupanddown
therowoflatrineholesbisectingtheblock.Strangeemotions,
hithertounknowntoher,fermentedinherheart
Withbothhandssheheldthelocketuptohereyes.Outofthe
photoDaniellagazedather,dressedinherwhitesailorcollared
schooloutfit,twothickwhiteribbonedbraidstumblingdownto
herbreast,hergazeserene,pure,innocent.Besideher,onaround
table,satMoni.ThechildlookedatFellawithwideeyedwonder
ment,thequestionseemingtohoveronhislips:WhyisDani
lyingontheroad?
Shehuggedthetwochildrentoherlips.Atthatmoment,all
feelingofhatredseemedtoevaporatefromher.Atthatmoment
herhatredtowardtheGermanssweptoveralltheboundsofher
senses.Sodeepwasthishate,shecouldnolongerseeitShe
wantedtohate,butshedidn'tknowwhomtohate.
Shecouldn'tgetherselftohatetheJudenrattheywereso
puny,sonoaccountasagainstthetidalwavesofmiserybreaking
aroundher.NorcouldshehatetheGermanssotrivial,soin
significantasagainsttheremorseless,bottomlessgrief.Herhate
wastoovast,toodeepforhertoknowatwhomtohurlitShe
couldn'tevenhateGod,now.
Shesatdownononeofthelatrineholes.Thegriefrockedher
toandfro.Herlegswerestretchedoutbeforeher.Shesawthem
asthroughaveilofmistTheyrecalledalongagoworldgone,
forgotten.Nowherlegsseemedsuperfluous.Eventhelongago
worldsuperfluousandpointless.
Shegotup.Halfthelatrinedoorwasopen.Shewenttoward
thedoor.Nowshecanevengooutside.Letthemshootherifthey
like.Shedoesn'tfeeltheleastbitafraid.Nowshecanstandin
fullviewofthewatchtowers.NowshecanlooktheSSmen
straightintheeye.Shecanindifferentlytossthemthethreeday
244
furloughherlifeisstillworth.Letthemscramblelikefilthy
beggarsfor'theboonsheistossingthemontheground.
Abovethetreecrests,beyondthebridge,thenewdayplanteda
footSoontheblackvanwillpullupattheKB,Daniellawas
lying,facedown,onehandslungbeforeherontheroad."Get
thistomybrotherinNiederwalden."Allatonce,Fellafeltalight
raypiercethedarknessinhermind.Forthefirsttimeshefelt
shehadsomethingforwhichshewasreadytogiveherlife.
Sheabandonedherselfcompletelytothisfeeling,asablindman
reachingouttoasuddenlyrestoredlightShepressedthenote
bookunderthecampsmocktoherheart.Shehidbackinthe
latrinesothatnooneshouldfindherhereatthishour,andwaited
forthefirstgong.
Thedaystrodetowardthecamp.Passingovertheroad,it
stubbeditsfootagainstariddledbody.Itglimpseddown,and
wenton
245
HAVINGCOMPLETEDthisbook,Icannotleavewithoutmentioning
DR.YOSEFandMRS.MALKAASHERMAN,TelAviv
TheyfoundmewhenIwasflounderinginaseaofashesthe
ashestowhichallmyfamilyandworldwerereducedinthecre
matoriumofAuschwitzandreachedoutdevotedarmstomeas
parentstotheirchild,andsparednothingtomakeitpossiblefor
metogoonlivinginthisworld.
132879

House of Dolls

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