Feeley EIP Process Draft 2

Draft 2

Freedom of speech is still a controversial issue to this day, although many would disagree

this could be considered a current-day affair, protests are held to defend the first amendment and

are commonly found among masses of students. By discussing this topic I am both defending

and raising awareness of the harm that Free Speech may cause in the long run due to many

differing opinions on the matter. This basic human right should be used as a window of

opportunity for people to advocate new ideas and points of views, not in a negative manner.

Dating all the way back to 1600 and 1700s Europe, freedom of speech was discussed as

being both a basic human right and an important aspect in a free and open society. John Locke

and Voltaire were among those who advocated the idea of free speech as necessary to individual

morality and to a well-governed country. Over time, the value of free speech and its role in

society became widely accepted. Freedom of speech is vital to a peaceful society because it

allows ideas to be tested before action is taken, eliminating the use of force. I admit free speech

does not eliminate conflict in society, but I can attest to its means of directing conflict into a

nonviolent approach within the social system. Issues with speech stem from the difficulty of

tolerating the views and values of individuals that are opposite of their own. There have been

many occasions where speech has brought upon conflict in current day America, showing signs

that the need for freedom of speech and expression is still essential.

I often found that students were the main supporters of the Free Speech movement in

many different situations and settings. Support for the first amendment among High schoolers is

stronger today than it has been in the past 12 years; (Chokshi 1) these students feel that speech
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is restricted within school grounds and that they should be allowed to voice unpopular opinions.

Case in point, students of various ages have made themselves heard by protesting to the

government in Washington DC, and many other cities as well. Those who witness the protesting

students and take their pleas into consideration, are conducting research and polls on the amount

of support the First Amendment has among this certain demographic.

It is baffling that something as long-established as the First Amendment can still cause

issues to this day. Freedom of speech and expression is still a topic of controversy and can be

beneficial as well as detrimental. There have been other instances where a speech at University

of California, Berkeley, campus was cancelled due to the possible safety risks by protesters for

the speaker and the public. We deeply regret that the violence unleashed by this group

undermined the First Amendment rights of the speaker as well as those who came to lawfully

assemble and protest his presence (Dirks) The university is well known for its commitment to

free speech and in this case, that dedication to the amendment could have been dangerous.

Freedom of speech is an ongoing issue and should be resolved as soon as possible.

There have been cases of limited free speech online and in times of tragedy or political

concern. These problems really seem to hinder the concept of free speech. What are exceptions

to freedom of speech in modern society? What are the main justifications of free speech? A

society with free speech is more dynamic than a restrictive one, which ultimately makes it a

breeding ground for new ideas, inventions, ways of doing business and governance. Ethically

speaking, freedom of speech can be considered messy at times; for example: the shooting at

Charlie Hebdo in Paris, some individuals actually believe that there were no significant signs of

freedom of speech abuse by the magazine. The magazine avoided all sensitive subjects and
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ridicule directed at religion, religious groups, or hatred directed at certain groups of people.

Except for their cartoons, which could be considered morally wrong because of the reference to

the Prophet Muhammad and the offense that the cartoons could cause to all Muslims. Freedom of

speech is often complicated and can cause much debate because of the thin line between what is

morally or ethically correct and what could be considered discrimination but is legally condoned.

I hope to discover how far the limits of freedom of speech can be tested.

As for the urgency of this topic, the right to free speech is a necessity because in areas

where this right is not protected, citizens are scared to speak out against their government.

Fortunately, for all Americans, no matter the circumstance, the Bill of Rights guarantees a person

the freedom to speak and express his or herself, just so long that his actions do not infringe on

the rights.

There will be times when individuals may not see Free Speech from the same point of

view as me, due to the fact that some may overlook the value or importance of what it means to

possess this right, when others have never had the luxury. Americans are fortunate to have the

ability to freely express themselves, but, in other countries they do not have the same

opportunities. In foreign countries, the enforcement of speech differs within cultures and races

and these groups are forced to embrace their diversity of ideas and ideologies. This diversity is

hindered by the restrictions within each culture because there is still discrimination for many

social groups. Although Americans do have unlimited access to free speech, many students do

not see it the same way, causing protests and backlash directed towards the government. There is

also a slight issue with the difference between false and free speech within and outside of schools

and what individuals consider which.

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Evidence of the pros and cons of free speech can be found throughout many points in

history and in various settings, be it online, in schools, or in newspapers, people cannot seem to

be completely satisfied. I believe that we as Americans are fortunate to have this right and ability

as citizens to express ourselves freely with no restraints by the government or press and should

not take it for granted. I am content with the extent of my rights regarding speech and believe

others should view it in the same light.

Citations
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Obrien, Jim. Free Speech Movement Archives; and Free Speech Movement Digital Archive.

The Journal of American History, Vol. 89, No. 2, History and September 11: A Special Issue

Sep., 2002, pp. 738-740. URL: http://www.jstor.org.librarylink.uncc.edu/stable/3092334

Barnett Lidsky, Larissa. Where's the Harm?: Free Speech and the Regulation of Lies.

Washington and Lee Law Review, Vol. 65, No. 3, 2008, pp. 1091-1102. URL:

https://librarylink.uncc.edu/login?url=http://search.proquest.com.librarylink.uncc.edu/docview/6

13751300?accountid=14605

Blacker, David. An Unreasonable Argument Against Student Free Speech. Educational

Theory, Vol. 59, No. 2, May 2009, pp. 123-143. URL:

http://search.proquest.com.librarylink.uncc.edu/docview/214139813?OpenUrlRefId=info:xri/sid:

wcdiscovery&accountid=14605

Wallach Scott, Joan. Restoring Free Speech and Liberty on Campus/FIRE's Guide to Free

Speech on Campus. Vol. 91, No. 6, Nov. - Dec., 2005, pp. 62-66. DOI: 10.2307/40252871

http://uncc.worldcat.org/oclc/4594687579

Bissonnette, Susan. Smothering Free Speech: Filtering the World Wide Web. Journal of

Library Administration, Vol. 39, No. 2-3, 2003, pp. 87-105 URL:

http://www.tandfonline.com.librarylink.uncc.edu/loi/wjla20

Lester, Anthony. Multiculturalism and Free Speech. The Political Quarterly, Vol. 81, No. 1,

Mar., 2010, pp. 15-24 URL:

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http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com.librarylink.uncc.edu/doi/10.1111/j.1467-923X.2010.02076.x/abstr

act;jsessionid=336862A3960696D09A6CC5AA29C8EFF3.f01t02

Gaido, D. "The People's Daring Privilege": Struggles for Freedom of Expression in American

History. SCIENCE AND SOCIETY -NEW YORK, Vol. 81, No. 66, Part 4, 2003, pp. 564-566

URL: http://guilfordjournals.com.librarylink.uncc.edu/loi/siso

LoMonte, Frank D. Student Journalists and Free Speech. Insights on Law & Society, Vol. 12,

Issue 3, 2012, pp. 20 URL:

http://eds.a.ebscohost.com.librarylink.uncc.edu/eds/detail/detail?sid=ac840139-de7a-415f-8509-

8a3d73875855%40sessionmgr4008&vid=0&hid=4205&bdata=JnNpdGU9ZWRzLWxpdmUmc

2NvcGU9c2l0ZQ%3d%3d#AN=87377788&db=pwh

EIP WORK DRAFT 2: Peer Review Sheet

Reviewed by: Naz Knight and Lauren Harley

Tag, Label, Highlight, Question, Explain and Comment

A) INTRODUCTION

THE FIVE RHETORICAL TASK

Issue, topic, or problem identified [task 1]

Outlined/described that problem for the audience [task 2]
Contextualized problem by entering the conversation of prominent voices [task 3]
Thesis (claim + reasoning) [task 4]
Preview the kinds of evidence/ analysis thatll be employed in addressing issue [task 5]
1. THESIS. Locate the central persuasive stance of the essay. Underline the claim and
highlight the reasoning parts of the sentence. Evaluate the strength of the thesis as a
whole and by its component parts, the claim and proposed reasoning.
What are your concerns about this thesis?
There is not a direct thesis as far as I am able to tell, however the reasoning
is there. There just needs to be a claim made so it is more easily identified.
What questions does the thesis immediately raise for you as a reader?
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It makes me wonder what are the positive and negative ways that people use
free speech. This was touched on a little throughout the paper but there is a lot that could be added
2. INTRO CONTEXT (Tasks# 1 - 3, above). Evaluate the context and shaping of the
surrounding situation. To what extent does the essay demonstrate a current, specific,
exigent, particular (non-generic) context or discourse from which the issue arises and is
best understood by? Offer probing questions, advice or feedback on the
contextualization of the essays stance.
The essay sort of describes a sense of exigency but overall there isnt much. It more
so is saying that Americans need to re-check how we use freedom of speech but not
so much why we need to do it now.
I would dig a little deeper or maybe just explain differently why addressing how we us
freedom of speech needs to be fixed. You had some claims throughout the paper but
it didnt see to show the importance.
3. INTRO HOLISTIC FEEDBACK. Offer your overall thoughts / questions / suggestions /
concerns /feedback on the strengths or setbacks of the essays intro. Evaluate and give
one or two take-away ideas about the organizational, logical, rhetorical or stylistic
concepts.
I think you just need to expand more on the exigency and better explain the quotes
you included. It seemed like they were just inserted into the paragraphs without much
explanation afterwards
4. CONSISTENT MESSAGE. Return to the introduction after reading body paragraphs: To
what extent does the essay development correspond and uphold the thesis reasoning
and overall introductory setup? Put another way: is there any disconnect between the
introductions stated direction and the actual work of the essay?
There is no disconnect. The thesis/claim and paragraphs are well related.

B) Essay Development: Vertical Idea/Paragraph Development.

ANATOMY OF A PERSUASIVE PARAGRAPH

Topic Sentence claim

Set-up Ideas /introduce source
Evaluate and Analyze sources
Build insight, synthesis, implications, conclusions

5. PARAGRAPH Development.

Go through a full page or so of the body paragraphs (approx 3 or 4 parag.). Quickly

identify topic claim, evidence and evaluation/analysis in them. Based on patterns in
your findings: Which aspects of the anatomy of a paragraph (above)does the
essay need to work on? Point to examples where the topic claim or analysis or insight
falls short of potential.
I highlighted the parts that I think you need to work on. When you bought in the
source in this paragraph and throughout the paper, you did not really explain what
the source was speaking on but rather went directly back into your topic. If you
explain the citations a little bit youll have a stronger argument.
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You also need to work more on concluding paragraphs. In the one specifically about
UC Berkeley, you mentioned how the university normally backs free speech but then
dont follow up or truly end the paragraph.
They Say I Say / Naysayers /Opposing Views. Anticipating objections and raising them in
paragraph analysis can strengthen ones position. What objections might be raised and
where? Write out your objections for the writer and offer any feedback on TSIS work.
You need to address more how people are actually abusing free speech. It is
touched on here and there but there needs to be something direct that the reader
can go back to. Otherwise, it makes it easy to say there is no problem overall just a
few people abusing their rights
An objection I have would be that schools arent places for free speech rather
somewhere you come to learn. So how do you combat that? And how do you put that
on school officials to now have to monitor that?
Which paragraph or section was the strongest? Weakest? Feedback.
The strongest paragraph is the one where you mentioned the Charlie Hebdo
shooting in Paris. I think that was a good example of freedom of speech
The weakest paragraph is the second to last one. It just repeats exactly what you
have been saying the whole paper.
Any recommendations on the order of the paragraph development. Is it moving vertically
and toward greater insight or randomly / tangentially / backwards / ???

6. RESEARCH AND CITATION. Source credibility can be established in many ways (a writers job,
institutional affiliation, funding sources, reputation) and as readers we take as a given that the writer
is honest and not intentionally misconstruing information. Nonetheless, a position is strengthened by
brief, clear indications of source ethos. That in mind...

Comment on the apparent quality of the source. Refer to Works Cited page as needed.
Comment on the efficient & clear set-up of source. Note any places in need of revision.
Comment on the appropriateness on the types of research employed. Reminder: Do not
automatically discount qualitative (non-numerical) methods of support. A logical analysis
of a situation or persuasive input from prominent voices can be as or more valuable than
isolated numbers or data. What matters is whether intended audience will find it
compelling and whether that kind of support can contribute insight, add meaning,
back-up claims, etc.
MLA. Note whether in-text citations and Works Cited references are accurate/need work.
Owl Purdue Citations Available here. (Links to an external site.) Any other formatting
issues to note?

C) Concluding Considerations

7. CONCLUSION. Evaluate the effectiveness of the closing paragraph(s). In your own words,
describe and assess what you understand as the purpose of the essay (the hoped for outcome and
response from its intended audience). To what extent does the conclusion avoid merely repeating
the introduction claim and instead launch itself forward/outward and toward genuine engagement,
broader implications or actions, etc?
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8. RHETORICAL SITUATION: Speaker, Message, Audience, Purpose, Exigency.

Who is the target audience and does this essay speak to their needs, interests, concerns
on this topic? How so? How not so?
Offer a holistic response to application and demonstrated skill of the essays
rhetorical effectiveness. Consider the terms above and their complex
interrelations as you discuss.

9. What was the best part of the essay?

10. Offer a final comment on the total effectiveness of the message and its development in the
essay.

Overall, the paper isnt completely effective. It presents an issue but there isnt enough
supporting details to really make me think that we need to consider how we use our right to freedom
of speech.

11. Offer a final suggestion (or two) on what you see as high order concerns / areas in need of
further attention.

Flush the paper out a lot more. You have some paragraphs where you mention ideas that
could be really beneficial and then sort of just move on.

I would also not as directly mention the exigency and urgency of the topic. It should be
something that the reader understands just from reading it, not by directly being told so.
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B) Essay Development: Vertical Idea/Paragraph Development.

ANATOMY OF A PERSUASIVE PARAGRAPH

Topic Sentence claim

Set-up Ideas /introduce source
Evaluate and Analyze sources
Build insight, synthesis, implications, conclusions

5. PARAGRAPH Development.

Go through a full page or so of the body paragraphs (approx 3 or 4 parag.). Quickly

identify topic claim, evidence and evaluation/analysis in them. Based on patterns in
your findings: Which aspects of the anatomy of a paragraph (above) does the
essay need to work on? Point to examples where the topic claim or analysis or insight
falls short of potential. I believe that the claim you are trying to make is that as a country
we are supposed to have freedom of speech but it seems like we do not. I get the point
you are attempting to convey but more information needs to be included as to why it is
important as you say it is.
They Say I Say / Naysayers /Opposing Views. Anticipating objections and raising them in
paragraph analysis can strengthen ones position. What objections might be raised and
where? Write out your objections for the writer and offer any feedback on TSIS work. I
think it was smart to include that other countries do not offer the same freedom of
speech rights as we do and that can count as an objection in itself.
Which paragraph or section was the strongest? Weakest? Feedback. I think that the
paragraph that included the incident that occurred at California Berkeley was effective
because it included a real life example that support the claim you are trying to support
throughout the essay.
Any recommendations on the order of the paragraph development. Is it moving vertically
and toward greater insight or randomly / tangentially / backwards / ???

6. RESEARCH AND CITATION. Source credibility can be established in many ways (a writers job,
institutional affiliation, funding sources, reputation) and as readers we take as a given that the writer
is honest and not intentionally misconstruing information. Nonetheless, a position is strengthened by
brief, clear indications of source ethos. That in mind...

Comment on the apparent quality of the source. Refer to Works Cited page as needed.
Comment on the efficient & clear set-up of source. Note any places in need of revision.
Comment on the appropriateness on the types of research employed. Reminder: Do not
automatically discount qualitative (non-numerical) methods of support. A logical analysis
of a situation or persuasive input from prominent voices can be as or more valuable than
isolated numbers or data. What matters is whether intended audience will find it
compelling and whether that kind of support can contribute insight, add meaning,
back-up claims, etc.
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MLA. Note whether in-text citations and Works Cited references are accurate/need work.
Owl Purdue Citations Available here. (Links to an external site.) Any other formatting
issues to note?

C) Concluding Considerations

7. CONCLUSION. Evaluate the effectiveness of the closing paragraph(s). In your own words,
describe and assess what you understand as the purpose of the essay (the hoped for outcome and
response from its intended audience). To what extent does the conclusion avoid merely repeating
the introduction claim and instead launch itself forward/outward and toward genuine engagement,
broader implications or actions, etc?

8. RHETORICAL SITUATION: Speaker, Message, Audience, Purpose, Exigency.

Who is the target audience and does this essay speak to their needs, interests, concerns
on this topic? How so? How not so? I think that the target audience is the citizens and
people who live here in the U.S.
Offer a holistic response to application and demonstrated skill of the essays
rhetorical effectiveness. Consider the terms above and their complex
interrelations as you discuss.

9. What was the best part of the essay?

10. Offer a final comment on the total effectiveness of the message and its development in the
essay. The total effectiveness of the essay could be higher. When writing an essay such as this one
it is important to get the readers to feel the same way about the topic as you do.

11. Offer a final suggestion (or two) on what you see as high order concerns / areas in need of
further attention. In order to fully reach the topics potential and provide the exigency that you need
more information and real life situations that prove and show that we really do not have free speech
need to be included.