Académique Documents
Professionnel Documents
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WORDS
CHELSEA ROSE EVANS
DAN WEBBER
RUDY LOEWE
EVES STRAUGHAN
CHARLOTTE ROLLIN
JAYDE MARIA
KATIE PAGGIOSI
HANNAH SLAOUTI
GRAPHICS
RENATEX
SARA JAYNE
IMAGES
CHELSEA ROSE EVANS
ZOE MCSTAY
RUDY LOEWE
I was always moody. I was always an overthinker. I
was bullied in school, for some things that were
my fault. Some things certainly werent. I would
sit in my classes in college feeling perfectly fine,
chirpy even. And then like a switch, I would feel
completely nothing. Empty, alone, like someone had
pulled the plug and all the happiness just flooded
out.
1. As honestly as you can, could you please describe your mental health journey?
My mental health journey, like many, has been a long rollercoaster of emotions, that
I still struggle with today. I have always been what Id call a reserved, shy, almost
scared person, but manage to conceal this quite well around loved ones. I never really
understood the goings on in my mind, until I watched Zoella on YouTube. She has been
very open about her struggles with anxiety, and it was down to her opening up about
how it makes her feel, that I started to make sense of my own mind. I finally decided
to visit a doctor in 2013, and after various back and forth I was diagnosed with GAD
(Generalised Anxiety Disorder). I refused medication for years before it started being
something I could not control anymore. Panic attacks were becoming more common,
and crippling fear of self-doubt was eating me alive. Intense feelings of fear, doom,
forbidding, the urgency to want to escape, fear of losing control, and irrational thoughts;
I finally accepted taking Citalopram in 2015. This of course did not stop my panic
attacks, and if anything, I was faced with even more intense dizziness, nausea, and
weakness. Being in an abusive relationship caused me to get in a worse state, that I
was almost physically dragged to the doctor to finally open up about my incredibly dark
thoughts and what was going on. It wasnt long until I was diagnosed with Depression
and my medication was increased. This was almost exactly a year ago, and I can only
thank myself for finding strength in slowly but surely bettering myself since then.
2. As of the start of 2017, you have over 5000 followers across a variety of online
platforms. Regarding your mental health, how do you balance honesty and privacy
with your readers/viewers? Do you often have to censor yourself?
I definitely feel like I have to censor myself online in some regards. As well as my own
personal social media platforms, I run a The 1975 fan blog which is nearing 60k
followers - that terrifies me, and is kinda why I stopped using it as often. Although the
blog is made through a love for a band, there are of course followers that are interested
in me as a person, and that can get quite overwhelming. At shows I often get recognised
for the blog and that triggers my anxiety, purely for the fear of coming across not the
same as I do online; being boring, ugly, or unintentionally coming across as rude due to
being anxious - its a bit of a vicious circle. Kind of gone a bit off track here! But yeah,
I am careful with what I say online, but at the same time I try my best to be as honest
and open as I can. No ones life is perfect and I would never want to have that perception
of myself because its not real. I struggle massively, and ill make that known, ill just
maybe not be as graphic as I could be with how I struggle.
3. You have recently announced that you have decided to stop taking your anti-
depressants. Huge congratulations! What was it that prompt this decision?
Thank you! It was something I thought about for a very long time. I tried to come off
them around May last year, but I wasnt ready. And thats okay. I beat myself up about it
at the time, feeling weak for having to go back on medication, but now I look back I know 7. On your blog you featured a guest written post from Emily Owens, in which
that really, I was strong for noticing and accepting I needed the help. When I decided to she talked honestly about her anxiety. What prompted you to temporarily give
come off them for the second time, my surroundings were a lot different. I was out of someone else your platform?
the abusive relationship, I was in a full-time job I actually really love, and I had a good When I started the blog I knew from the get-go I wanted other people to get
support network around me. I just told myself that if it didnt work this time, thats also involved. Ive run music websites in the past which also involved guest writers,
okay, but to my surprise its 4 months later and I havent touched a pill. Its something and I loved the idea of building up some kind of community. With mental health,
Im extremely proud of, but it also needs to be known that being on medication does not our symptoms can be the same but our triggers can be completely different ends
make your journey any weaker. Seriously, its so important to know that. of the spectrum. Its so, so important to understand that mental health affects
different people in different ways, and this is exactly why I started the Mental
4. You do not shy away from talking about your mental health online. Your blog, Health Awareness Project, to let anyone and everyone share their experiences
The Space Tapes, has a whole section in the header dedicated to your posts on with mental health. I personally found some kind of solace within watching
mental health. Why are you so honest about your struggles online? Zoellas YouTube videos, so I hoped I could somehow do the same one day.
I guess the simple answer is because there is still such horrendous stigma around
mental health. There are so many people that dont understand it. I literally broke up 8. Were you educated on mental health problems at school?
with a girl this year because she didnt want to even try and understand GAD and why I No, I wasnt, and its exactly that that caused me to start the Mental Health Awareness
was the way I was. I hate ignorance, but I understand that some people just dont have Project. Its no surprise that we meet people who are clueless and ignorant about
the opportunity to learn about these things. It kinda goes back to what I said about not mental health, when there is no platform for it unless you or your loved ones struggle.
wanting my life to look rosy online - I can share photos with my friends, meeting my When my grandmother was diagnosed with Dementia, I knew absolutely nothing about
favourite musicians, buying expensive makeup, but panic attacks still happen. My life is it. People are so quick to just assume mental health means youre suicidal and thats it,
still hard. I just really like honesty. but that couldnt be any further from the truth.
5. Music is clearly a huge part of your life, both professionally and personally. 9. Judging by your online posts, you have a solid group of friends. What things
Are there any artists you admire today who are honest about their mental health do they do to help your mental health?
struggles? 100%. Ive said it already but having a good support network around me was a
One of the reasons I fell in love with Matty Healy of The 1975 was because of his brutal huge key in bettering myself. When I was in my darkest place a year ago, I really
honesty. His struggle with drugs, girls, himself, and most poignantly, dealing with his isolated myself from all my loved ones, but the ones that are now my bestest
mothers Postnatal Depression. They have a song called She Lays Down which really
friends, are the ones that didnt let me push them away.
resignated with me. His mother, Denise Welch, is a well-known actress/TV personality,
but here we are learning about the deep dark depths of her drug/alcohol problem and
suicidal thoughts. Again, its the honesty I live for. Its what made me fall in love with 10. What are your ride or die self care tips?
Lady Gaga, and many of the artists Ive loved over the years. Also, as a side note, Soapy Always leave the house every single day; even if its just to walk around the block for 10
Water by Wolf Alice and Nothings Real by Shura are two songs that dip into mental minutes. Do not isolate yourself; make the effort to text people first. Remember its okay
health topics that I really admire. to ask for help; whether from your friends, family, or professionals. Pursue your hobbies;
colour, go see a band, swim, start a YouTube channel. Be productive; tidy your room,
wash your clothes. Make a playlist; fill it with all your favourite songs. Love yourself.
6. Do you think your honesty about your mental health has helped or hindered
your success online?
I mean, Id like to hope so. When I started The Space Tapes I didnt expect such a
positive response from it, which definitely inspired me to keep going and sharing as WHERE TO FIND JAYDE
much as I can, within reason!
Twitter: @ jydmra Music blog: wearenelipott.com
Instagram: @ jydmra Personal blog: thespacetapes.com
There those people you discover through social media with whom
you just click. Katie Paggiosi, known as Daydream Katie online, is
one of those people for me. An absolute sweetheart who like myself,
has struggled mentality. Katie lives in Sheffield and is a beauty and
lifestyle blogger. She struggles openly with anxiety and has been kind
enough to tell her story to Marina.
Fast forward another few years to 2015, and my life was going well. I was
in a happy relationship, work was good, and panic attacks were a very rare
occurrence. Unfortunately, throughout this year I was to learn that my Grandpa,
aunt and cousin would be diagnosed with terminal cancer, and they all sadly
passed away that same year. I didnt quite realise the massive impact that it had
had on me mentally at first, but after a few months I found myself constantly
worrying about my health and being absolutely terrified of having cancer. Id
notice every little different thing about my body and feel every niggle or pain. This,
for over a year, manifested itself into awful panic attacks and I couldnt shake the
idea from my mind that I was seriously ill. Last year I booked into the doctors
again and was offered the chance to speak to another IAPT counsellor. This time
around weve focused on health anxiety and, again, it has helped me massively.
Im coming to the end of these sessions now and Im feeling the most confident
Ive felt since I was 17 (Im now 25!). I didnt think that just talking to someone
and trying to make sense of the worries in my head would be so helpful but it
really is. I know that Ill never be cured of anxiety completely, but Ive learnt how
to challenge the negative thoughts and Ill always be thankful for that.
2. Do you feel that places of both work and education should recognise
mental health days? For example, in school you would be allowed a day off
for a physical problem but told to soldier on if the problem is mental.
Definitely, yes. If theres one thing that I myself have underestimated over
the years, its how draining and debilitating mental health can be. Not to
mention the actual physical symptoms which can be horrible, and I dont
think a lot of people realise that. Some days enough is enough where you
need that little break, and I think it needs to be taken a lot more seriously.
4. How does your boyfriend deal with your mental health? If youre having 7. What are you ride or die self-care tips?
a bad day, are you able to be openly honest with him? The main thing that my counsellor has drilled into me is to make time to
My boyfriend is an absolute star when it comes to my mental health. He is relax. I used to whizz through so many days in a blur of stress and never
the only person that Ive ever been able to be 100% honest with about how put any time aside to just focus on myself. Now most days I make sure
Im feeling and he doesnt make me feel like Im being silly. Hes admitted that I either do a breathing exercise or muscle relaxation technique (a quick
that he doesnt understand what I go through (which I totally get, because if google will help you find out more about these). You feel a bit daft at first
you havent been through it then I dont think that you can understand) but but its amazing when you start to feel the difference in yourself.
he is always there to listen to my worries, or if Im having a really bad day Exercise is also brilliant for making you feel mentally and physically
then hes my shoulder to cry on and let it all out. He doesnt try to force me healthier. Im far from fit but Ive started doing small workouts which Ill
to do things that Im uncomfortable with, but at the same time he pushes gradually build up.
me to do things that I think I cant do (but he knows that I can). If all else fails I find that a nice, long soak in an extremely bubbly bath can do
wonders!
5. Do you think mental health is talked about enough in mainstream
media? WHERE TO FIND KATIE
I dont think it is, no, and when it is talked about there is always a negative
undertone to it. Mental health problems arent glamorous but that doesnt Twitter: @ daydreamkatie
mean that they should be swept under the rug like they dont exist, and they
Instagram: @ daydreamkatie
certainly dont make someone a bad person. So many people suffer with
Personal blog: daydreamkatie.co.uk
mental health problems every single day and, from experience, most people
speak about it like its some sort of dirty secret that should be kept private.
If the media were more open and understanding then I think it would help
people become more comfortable in speaking about their experiences,
which in turn could help someone decide to ask for the help that they need
instead of being ashamed of what they are going through.
Eves is one of my best friends. From meeting on Myspace when
we both commented on the Jonas Brothers page, to today when
were both fully feldged adults. I felt it was so important to have
someone close to me in the first issue of Marina, and amazingly Eves
was willing to open up about her mental health struggles. She is a
creative writing graduate from Liverpool John Moores University,
meaning I was so excited to read what she had come up with.
I write to you almost twenty years your junior to advise you to stay
fascinated with the world and create happiness for yourself no matter
what other kiddies may think. Do you remember when you would
close your eyes and youd see a white room in your mind? The tallest,
thinnest black stick man would be in this room, then the moment you
focused on him, hed run at you and the emptiness would fill up with
the man multiplying his body mass until you were squeezed out the
room? Im here to tell you sweetie, you have nothing to worry about.
The minute you see that man, open your eyes, think of something
beautiful; think of something that makes you happen and he will go
away. Otherwise you might find this man lurking behind your eyelids
every time you close them.
When you grow up, sweetie, I want to warn you of boys and self-worth.
Keep your standards high, stay picky and never let those rascals take
away your innocence. I beg you to get lost in something you love, stay
true to your beliefs and dont let those mean boys hurt you. Theyll
come along, trick you and I want you to tell them to go away because
they wont bring you happiness until the one you belong with shows
you kindness. Youll read about those naughty boys in books and little
girls following after them even though mummy says no, but I promise
you, please dont go near them. Naughty boys are naughty for a reason.
These naughty boys will continue to hurt you long after they have said
goodbye. I write to you as an adult all tall and scary (to you, at least)
and I pray you do these things for me. Stay wild, carefree, innocent, and
lost in your magical worlds because those naughty boys tricked me
and now that thin stick man haunts me in my mind, except hes cleverer
now. He tells me to worry about everything; he tells me I couldnt leave
my home; he tells me other people are betterer than me; he tells me
being alone is betterer than having friends; he tells me to scream when
I cant see past the mass of his body mass. Please, sweetie, these
naughty boys that trick you will cause you more harm to your innocent
little head that I pray youll listen to me when I say; ignore the thin stick
man in your mind, ignore him when he says youre better off inside and
alone, and ignore those trickster boys when they promise you the world
because you belong with someone, you just have to wait.
Love yourself and remain care-free and I promise youll never have to
hear from me again.
Every once in a while, someone will surprise you. Honesty is
powerful. When Hannah Slaouti, a Fashion Communication and
Promotion student at Nottingham Trent (along with myself) compiled
an emotional and honest Facebook status about her recovery from
an eating disorder, I was stunned. She was raw, frank and just told
her story. Her bravery is one I hope will inspire others, and I am so
honoured she was able to tell Marina about her journey.
1. Youve recently opened up about your battle with bulimia and from
this, depression and anxiety. What drove you to this revelation?
Erm, the revelation was a long time coming really and it took me ages to
get there. I suppose I went through a lot of stages without even realising.
I remember when I used to lie and hide the bulimia at whatever cost and
gradually over the 4/5 years I have felt that I can trust maybe one more
person, then another, then another etc. until it got to the point where I just
wanted out of being under the control of the illness so much that I wanted to
be open about it to everyone. For myself and closure but also for others who
would read it and relate to it and would potentially make the same step. So I
suppose the revelation came about through my increase of support and the
positives that I realised this brought over time.
2. As of the start of 2017, you have almost 6000 followers across a variety
of online platforms. Regarding your mental health, how do you balance
honesty and privacy with your readers/viewers? Do you often have to
censor yourself?
I used to be far more open about my mental health online, and its only really
been in the last 6 months or so that Ive really begun to censor what I post,
as its been drilled into me at university that employers are more likely than
ever to check social media platforms when you apply for jobs. I try not to
censor myself too much, because I think its really important to be open
about subjects like mental health and over the years Ive had hundreds of
messages, tweets and comments saying that others resonate with what Im
saying or messages of support and love which I think is really important. I
suppose I just tweet about my mental health in a different, and perhaps less
vulnerable way than I have done in the past.
I dont really worry about the privacy aspect of oversharing, because I Recently a friend of mine applied for a job, but during the time it took between her
think the beauty of social media is that you can be so open and spark interview and beginning work, her mental health took a downward spiral, to the
conversations that are really valuable between those you dont even know, point that she felt she wasnt well enough to be managing uni and a job. When the
I guess its more of a professionalism aspect I worry for now and that the employer called her to tell her the hours she would be working, my friend informed
weaknesses that come along with mental health problems might cause them that she didnt feel comfortable committing to a job now that she was in a
problems when applying for jobs and internships. different place mentally, but was completely attacked by the manager who told
her to not apply for any roles in the future and that she had to come in and work
those shifts because she had already done the rota. Its attitudes like this that
3. Do you think the surge in blogging and social media in the last few make people afraid to apply for jobs or speak out about mental health, because
years have helped or hindered the awareness of mental health? so often its completely dismissed or treated in a way thats not compassionate! If
I think helped, definitely! I suppose to some extent a lot of glamourising my friend had broken her leg and was unable to work, it would have been handled
occurs when it comes to mental illness, but I think that comes along with completely differently!
most things that obtain a lot of coverage in todays world. I think when
it comes to blogging, the relatable big sister role that can be created by 6. Do you feel it is easy to openly discuss your mental health with friends?
people sharing their experiences and offering advice is hugely helpful and This really depends for me on which friend I would be talking to! Some of my
such an important resource for young people today! Mental health can still friends will openly discuss their mental health problems with me which I find
be such a taboo so I think coverage of it is hugely important, but even more really reassuring and gives me the confidence to open up about my own struggles
because I know theyre more likely to understand. The majority of my friends
so from an industry like blogging which is honest and without an agenda!
however dont really suffer with any mental health problems and so I never really
mention anything Im going through unless I really have to, purely because I feel
4. Where do you personally go for self-care tips? like they wouldnt understand and I almost feel a bit embarrassed, which is so
I struggle with self-care probably more than I should, especially because silly. I think having friends to support you is really important, so even though
its so easy and important! I would say YouTube and the blogging industry I might not openly discuss my struggles with some of my friends, they are all
is where I go for tips regarding most things, but the internet in general is aware of my situation and I know would support me 100% if I ever did confide in
such an amazing resource that I take for granted a lot of the time. I love them!
videos like evening or pamper routines because they really remind me how
important taking time for yourself to do a face mask, have a bath and get 7. Have you ever sought help from professionals regarding your mental health?
lost on Netflix is. Its really easy to overlook how self-care can impact your If so, how were you treated?
mental health, and I know personally when Im super stressed and dont look Yes. A lot of those memories I have totally blocked out because I was in such a
after myself properly, my mental health can really suffer as a result. difficult place at the time that my brain wasnt fully functioning, but also it was
probably the hardest thing my family and I had to go through. When my problems
with eating first arose and I was forced to make a GP visit with my mum, I
5. Do you feel that places of both work and education should was subsequently transferred to CAMHS (Child and Adolescent Mental Health
recognise mental health days? For example, in school you would be Services) which after one long session with a number of psychologists and
allowed a day off for a physical problem but told to soldier on if the trainee mental health professionals behind a screen (which further added to my
problem is mental. nerves), I was given the diagnosis of Anorexia Nervosa in the most abrupt way.
Absolutely!!! I think its ridiculous in 2017 that some people are STILL There was no compassion from those that worked there and the whole process
struggling to get their heads around mental health and how it is completely felt clinical and left me in a state of disbelief that I was actually suffering from an
equal with a physical problem in regard to the impact it can have. eating disorder.
Particularly in the workplace and in education, employers and educators
should definitely be working to improve the attitudes and systems in place
for when someone is suffering mentally because it can really make things
spiral out of control if theyre not taken seriously.
I felt as though there was no way that in that one session those strangers
could analyse me to such an extent that such a label would become mine and
something so controlling in my life. The consequent sessions with a dietician and
psychologist still left me alienated, as I felt more so that no attention was being
paid to me obvious distress and discomfort with eating, and instead the focus
was purely on gaining weight as quickly as possible with no attention being given
to the underlying issues of why this disorder had become part of my life. The
lack of concern for what was happening inside my head was no doubt to blame
when I began to gain weight as a way of being discharged from the clinic, which For me, I rarely skipped meals, and now eat three meals a day, including
of course happened far too soon as I simply told them I was feeling better which snacks and love eating at restaurants. That doesnt make me less of a
combined with the slight weight gain was enough to convince them. The lack sufferer of the illness, but its a version of it that is never shown in the media.
of concern for me as a child suffering immensely is distressing to think back to, I suppose Ive been suffering and taking each day as it comes for many
and it seemed the aim was to fix me as quickly as possible, in order to bring in years now, not reaching the extremes of hospitalisation, but maintaining
others from the never ending waiting list. Upon relapsing a few months later, my a BMI that is underweight and potentially causing me long term harm.
parents took me back to the clinic where I was then referred to the Adult Services
Because I look normal in size, people arent aware of my eating disorder
mental health department as I was approaching the age of 17. It seems strange
unless I have explicitly confided in them, and not fitting the norm of what my
to me that I was still so young, yet thrust into the adult services section of the
NHS. Despite my concerns, my experience there was far better. I got along with
illness is perceived as is definitely something I struggle with. I think this is an
my therapist and felt she had genuine concern towards me and my thought area the education of mental health has to be changed.
processes. She explained to me that I wasnt crazy, and that all the feelings I
was experiencing had a scientific explanation and dozens of research studies 9. If you could tell your younger self one thing about your mental
to explain them. It was a shame that I only had sessions with this particular health journey, what would it be?
therapist for 5 months or so, as I was soon to be leaving for university and she To stand up for myself. In the early days of my diagnosis I really dont feel
was heading back to university to complete her masters degree. During my time I was treated with respect or care as a 15-year-old who felt extremely
with her, I made little if not no progress in weight gain, but I did feel a sense of misunderstood. I wish I had the courage at that time to fully explain how I
support and comfort under her care that I wonder would have helped me if we felt, and express that I didnt feel those professionals had my best interests
had both been available to meet for longer. When I moved to university I decided at heart. In terms of my journey personally, I think I would try to tell myself
not to seek further help after feeling disheartened that my previous efforts hadnt
that things DO get better. Despite still struggling now, the place Im in
resulted in any weight gain, and I suppose that takes me up to the present day.
mentally is a complete transformation from my early days of suffering
8. Were you educated on mental health problems at school?
and I think it would have been so important to know I wouldnt always be
My memory of any education on mental health is faint, and I feel if we had been struggling to the extreme that I was.
informed on the issue it was only reinforcing the stereotypes of mental illnesses
WHERE TO FIND CHARLOTTE
rather than speaking on the variety of symptoms and experiences different
individuals have. Anorexia in particular is often shown in a skewed light. Although
YouTube: youtube.com/charlottesweb
of course it is a restrictive illness, its often portrayed as young girls not eating Instagram: @ _charlottesweb Blog: charlottesweb8.blogspot.com
for days or weeks at a time and ending up being hospitalised as a result. For me,
I rarely skipped meals, and now eat three meals a day, including snacks and love
eating at restaurants. That doesnt make me less of a sufferer of the illness, but
its a version of it that is never shown in the media.
The idea of mental self care didnt occur to me until
my late teens, when YouTubers I watched suddenly
began harping on about mental health days. At this
time, I was undiagnosed and a slave to my A Levels.
My teachers werent joking when they claimed that A
Levels were the hardest things you do.
Until that point, self care to me was making sure
I was washing my hair often enough, eating my
vegetables and maybe using a face mask once in a blue
moon. But treating my mind as one would my body was a
revelation to me.
Ive struggled with confidence and anxiety issues for a number of years, and
have time off work because of it, its unfortunate but there seems to be a
correlation between creative people and mental health concerns.
Ive been writing for theatre for a number of years and have included poetry
and beat poetry in a number of my works, heavily influenced by the wit and
rhyming style of Tim Minchin and the rawness and wisdom of Bill Hicks .
Clich as it sounds I started writing spoken word seriously after a break up
just over two years ago which greatly affected my mental health, I am a big
believer in poetry being therapy and found writing down experiences and
memories a great way of re-evaluating situations and making sense of the
word.
My mental health journey, like many peoples, has been very messy and
linked with other parts of my life. So its difficult to lay it out in a linear way.
What is much more possible is to talk about the way that I had no means
to articulate my experiences and throughout the last five years especially,
I have gained the language and capacity to express myself. Partly this has
been through accessing amazing therapy that created a nurturing space
for me to heal. But also, the work that I have done with my community
concerning the marginalisation and microaggressions we experience as
queer/ trans/ non binary people of colour.