Do We Have the Right to Judge Other People?

February 4, 2013
by Marcy Kennedy Life at Warp 10, Marcy's Blog, Star Trek Tags: Cardassian, Chie
f O'Brian, judging others, Marcy Kennedy, Star Trek 24 Comments
Don't Be a CardassianBy Marcy Kennedy (@MarcyKennedy)
Since when do we think it s alright to condemn someone when we don t know all the fa
cts and don t even bother to consider their side?
In Tribunal, an episode in the second season of Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, Chief
Miles O Brian heads off on vacation with his wife, but he s arrested by Cardassians
before they can reach their destination.
The Cardassians refuse to tell O Brian what he s been charged with. According to the
Cardassian legal system, the charges aren t announced until the trial.
How can we prepare for the trial if we don t know the charges? O Brian s wife asks.
Mrs. O Brian, the Cardassian Archon says, there s nothing for you to prepare. Your husb
and s verdict has already been determined. He is guilty. The trial will reveal how
this guilt was proven.
True guilt or innocence, extenuating circumstances, none of it mattered.
While this might be an extreme situation, we do it almost daily on a smaller sca
le.
We judge people even though we have no idea what their lives are really like or
what goes on in their head and heart.
I was hurt by this recently.
I set goals for this year that I felt would allow me to achieve my dreams while
still enjoying my life and being fair to my husband, family, and friends. I didn t
set these goals hastily. I looked at what my life was and what I wanted it to b
e. Talked with my husband. Considered the implications.
But when I shared my goals with a friend, she felt free to criticize those goals
, calling into question my work ethic and suggesting I wouldn t succeed at my drea
ms if I held to those goals.
The judgment on me was delivered without any real knowledge of how hard I planne
d to work, how dedicated I am, or what other responsibilities I might be jugglin
g. She doesn t live in my house, let alone in my skin.
I know this person meant well, and I ve worked through the anger, hurt, and self-d
oubt the words caused. But I ve wondered since if this person stopped to think abo
ut how those words might affect me, or did she value speaking her mind and being
honest over everything else? Did this person stop to think that her way might not
be the only way, might not be the best way? Did this person consider that the t
ype of life I want isn t wrong simply because it s different from hers?
And I think those are questions we all need to ask ourselves when we feel the ne
ed to give our unsolicited opinion.
We seem to have this tendency to judge people when we haven t walked in their shoe
s and never can because everyone s life is different. I ve done it. And it was arrog
ant of me.
When we criticize the woman who says no to volunteering at the food bank, or at th
e cancer walk, or at the fundraiser for juvenile diabetes, we can t see that she s
pends her days caring for her elderly parents and that her body aches so badly i
n the morning she can barely get out of bed.
When we criticize the family with the unkempt yard, we can t see that both parents
are working double shifts to save enough for their kids to go to college and sp
end what little free time they have helping with homework.
When we tisk-tisk the woman in front of us at the grocery store because her cart
is full of paper towels and she should use washable cloths because it s better fo
r the environment, we can t see that she s got three children at the age where potty
training accidents, vomit, and spilled juice are the norm.
The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation. Henry David Thoreau, Walden
It s so easy to talk about what someone else should do. It s so easy to think our li
ves are more difficult than anyone else s. But in truth, we don t know what happens
behind closed doors and everyone has their own private struggles.
I know there are times when we need to speak the truth in love because a person
is doing something that could hurt themselves or others. There are times when so
meone wants our opinion.
But unless that s the situation, perhaps the best policy is to shut up and give pe
ople the benefit of the doubt unless there s something we can do to make things be
tter for them.
What do you think? Have we become too quick to judge others? What do you think i
s the best way to handle it when someone judges you unfairly?
I d love to have you sign up to receive my posts by email. All you need to do is e
nter your email address below and hit the Follow button. You can also join me on m
y Facebook page.