NODA PANTOMIMES PRESENT ALICE IN WONDERLAND BY Robert Marlowe ©2004 NODA Pantomimes 15 The Metro Centre, Peterborough, PE2 7UH Tel: (00 +44) (0) 1733 374790 ~ E-mail: info@noda.org.uk — www.noda.org.ukThis script is published by NODA LTD 15 The Metro Centre Peterborough PE2 7UH Telephone: 01733 374790 Fax: 01733 237286, Email: info@noda.org.uk www.noda.org.uik To whom all enquiries regarding purchase of further scripts and current royalty rates should be addressed. CONDITIONS 1 A Licence, obtainable only from NODA Ltd, must be acquired for every public or private performance of a NODA script and the appropriate royalty paid : if extra performances are arranged after a Licence has already been issued, it is essential that NODA Ltd be informed immediately and the appropriate royalty paid, whereupon an amended Licence will be issued 2. 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This restriction does not apply to minor changes in dialogue, strictly local or topical gags and, where permitted in the script, musical and dancing numbers. 6. The name of the author shall be stated on all publicity, programmes etc, The programme credits shall state ‘Script provided by NODA Ltd, Peterborough PE2 7UH’ NODA LIMITED is the trading arm of the NATIONAL OPERATIC & DRAMATIC ASSOCIATION, a registered charity devoted to the encouragement of amateur theatre. This script is licensed for amateur theatre by NODA Ltd to whom all enquiries should be made. www.noda.org-uk E-mail: info@noda.org.uk“ALICE IN WONDERLAND” BY ROBERT MARLOWE FREELY ADAPTED INTO A PANTOMIME FORMAT FROM THE ORIGINAL BY LEWIS CARROLL. CHARACTERS Alice The White Rabbit Dum and Dee ~ The Tweedle Brothers The Mad Hatter The March Hare The Duchess The Cook Sleepy the Dormouse The Queen of Hearts ‘The King of Hearts The Knave of Hearts The Cheshire Cat - (A voice Off role) The Hookah Smoking Caterpillar Chorus of Assorted Animals — Soldiers — Playing CardsScene 1 Scene 2 Scene 3 Scene 4 Scene 5 Scene 6 Scene 7 Scene 8 Scene 9 Scene 10 Scene 11 Scene 12 SCENES A River Bank on a Summer Afternoon Down the Rabbit Hole In Wonderland The Abode of the Caterpillar The Duchess’s Kitchen Home of the Cheshire Cat ‘The Mad Hatters Tea Party Interval ‘The Queen of Hearts Garden Party Home of the Cheshire Cat again The Courtroom The River Bank Again Invitation to a Reunion Party Front Cloth Prologue Transformation in Blackout to Full Set Front Cloth Full Set Front Cloth Full Set Full Set Front Cloth Full Set Front Cloth Full Set - Can be a repeat.Alice: White Rabbit: Dum and Dee The Tweedie Brothers: Mad Hatter: March Hare: Dormouse: The Duchess: The Cook: King of Hearts: Queen of Hearts: Knave of Hearts: Caterpillar: Cheshire Cat: Ace of Hearts: Notes on Characters for Casting Young — Essential as playing age should be around 10 years. However a teenager with singing ability is also necessary for experience. Needs to be comedicaily experienced with easy style 20/30- age range. Singing and movement experience needed, Playing ages 20/30. These characters must be padded outrageously Fat as schoolboys. Laughing joyous characters with strong comic ability. Any Age. Needs to be tall and slim. Eccentric approach needed. Gould be Male or Female. Another eccentric ) Both only ) Small parts Must be small. Possibly a child-either sex _) but essential. Preferably played by a male actor. Any age. This role is the evil character. Needs the experience to get the Audience to. hate him. Also comedic. Mature actress. Not a sympathetic role — in league with Duchess. Mature Actor — Slightly browbeaten by his wife, but still tries to be in control. ‘Semi-mature actress. Dominant. Can be glamorous but hard in contrast to Duchess who is her sparring partner throughout. Youngish male role — bright and likable. Any age or sex — fairly small role but important. Non appearance role — but needs good clear speaking voice. Suitable for a chorus member capable of lines.COSTUMES As this subject is hardly ever performed as a Pantomime it needs an experienced costume department with ingenuity to create what is required. Costumes can easily be copied from the various illustrations in the original book. Alice - ‘One costume throughout - sky blue/white. If necessary — a blonde straight haired wig held back behind an ‘Alice band” ribbon. Almost shoulder length to complete the usual view of what she looked like White Rabbit- Half mask with ears attached preferable, as he needs vocal freedom lipwise. Short tailcoat try for furry trousers (white of course), waistcoat with pocket for his mobile phone. Needs to look dapperish and smart. March Hare: Brown and furry effect required. Waistcoat and bow tie for eccentricity. Half mask and ears. Dormouse: ‘Small and soft brownish furry effect costume half mask with tiny ears. Floppy bow at neck — Vision needed so Eyeholes important. Mad Hatter: A. Human character. Tennials original drawings illustrate perfectly this style of dress needed. Frock or Tail coat with check waistcoat. Floppy tie. Watch and chain. Most important — top hat tall with very visable price tag marked 40/6 (old money). King, Queen, _Allof these characters need to look like the playing cards. And Knave of With red hearts prominent - Fortunately same costume Hearts throughout Duchess: Is the evil character — colours, black mainly with touches of purple and emerald for relief - two tone headdress. Again same costume throughout. Caterpillar: Blue catsuit — snood head cover in blue with attenae — blue makeup Cook: Victorian costume with large mopcap.Chorus Costumes: Flower Fairies: A mixture of colours and styles is preferable — Imagination can go riot. Playing Cards: Red tights and leotards with playing card tabbards. Hair covered with scarlet snood or beret acceptable. Animals: As long as masks denote the animal costumes can be human with furry legs. Gloves important - Furry! N.B. Animal masks are now easily available quite cheaply from Joke and Costume suppliers. Eyes and mouths easily made larger with careful cutting At first this subject looks quite daunting but requires far less than most pantomimes. However it's essential to retain publics usual remembrance of Alice in Wonderland.Notes on Scenery At first “Alice” may appear impossible to stage. However simplicity could be an advantage. The original tennial illustrations were black and white etchings and this can be most effective providing the costume department deliver strong coloured costumes, which is the requirement: Writers Note | directed a Professional Production of Alice in Wonderland a few years ago so there are possibly sets available for hire. However, | will detail below scene by ‘scene the minimal necessary to present “Alice” in venues limited in acting areas and facilities. All sets Black and White etching style Scene 1 Countryside - A River bank A free standing tree under which Alice is first discovered asleep. (N.B. This tree can be utilised in later scenes). Scene 2 Down the Rabbit Hole — (Done in a blackout) Scene 3 Wonderland. If painting your own set — imagination can go overboard. Quaint village with lopsided cottages etc. Scene 4 Abode of Caterpillar Woodland etching which can suffice as backdrop for other frontcloths. This set does need a large mushroom separate from backcloth with ability for caterpillar to stand behind but appear as though he's on top (i.e. smail ladder) Scene 5 The Duchess’s Kitchen Grand but rundown flagstones sketch with range either painted or free standing over which cook presides. Props: A Rocking chair for DuchessScene 6 Scene 7 Scene 8 Scene 9 ‘Scene 10 Home of Cheshire Cat This requires a special effect very important for a magic moment. This could be a backdrop repeat of Scene 4. Without the mushroom of course. A free standing tree — again could be the tree used for Scene 1 (set on other side of stage). Tree has to have the ability for leaves to part and reveal only the head of the Cheshire Cat. Finally as Cat disappears for leaves to move back. If a header of leaves can be raised and lowered then it resolves the problem. As the Tree is free standing it could hide a secret person behind to work the cats mouth when it speaks. Failing that a small flickering spotiight, which flutters when cat speaks, is a simpler solution. The desired whole effect is that the Cheshire Cat appears and disappears at will to confuse Alice. (This set is used in second haif also) The Mad Hatter Tea Party Could use a woodland setting from a previous scene or if you wish for a different set, and have the funds this could be a garden with the Mad Hatters cottage as the backdrop. Props are very important in this scene. A long table dominates laid up with a dozen places. A bench behind table will suffice with a rather omate chair placed at each end, when the characters change place the only one to benefit is the Hatter who has a full plate before him. The Queen of Hearts Garden Party This needs to represent a rather grand palace garden evoking terraces and statuary. A practical um is centre stage with a white Rose Tree in it dominating; Roses need to be of White Tissue paper because the story needs the roses to be painted red. Must use Red water colour for expediency during performance? The home of the Cheshire Cat ~ Again Exactly set as Scene 6 The Courtroom Lavish or simple — The choice is yours, Could be backed with high windows before which stands orate dais on which stand two thrones right of stage is the dock on the left is the jury box. This is formed of a front with hinged sides, which conceals same bench as used for Hatters Tea Party. Have 6 jury cards sit while 6 others stand behind. Thus you willScene 11 Scene 12 achieve the tiered effect but also enables a fast transformation when chaos reigns at the end of the scene. ‘Suspended above the throne should be playing cards which should be capable of being raised and lowered continually until blackout happens to finish scene. They are stationary throughout the scene of course only giving the visual effect of collapsing at the finish. This could be performed as a repeat scehically of scene one. if so it must be lit mysteriously for the ghost sequence in the beginning with a lighting change happening for the final scene between White Rabbit and Alice. Could again save costs by repeating the Queens Garden Party Set (without the rose um) especially if you've been able to create a terrace with steps down which is always favorite for a finale. | trust these suggestions will be helpful in creating the magic needed for pantomime whether on a tight budget or expense no object scenario. Memo to Musical Director All music is suggested as appropriate for the situation. However it’s only a suggestion and can be varied as required for capability of performers. Memo for Stage Management Keep props only to what is necessary and appropriate. Remember what goes on has to be got off. Probably in a blackout and faster than the set up. Minimalist is. favourite.Scene One The Prologue: - Male Voice Over: - White Rabbit Sung: (Speaks to himselt) Alice in Wonderland — Act One A river bank on a summer afternoon. Alice is sitting under a tree, birds are twittering in the leaves above, Alice had got very tired of sitting by her sister on the bank and had wandered further along to sit in the coo! shade of a tree. She had peeped into the book her sister was reading, but it had no pictures or conversations in it and what is the use of a book, ‘thought Alice’ without pictures or conversation? She was considering in her own mind (as well as she could, for the hot day made her feel very sleepy and stupid,) whether the pleasure of making a daisy-chain would be worth the trouble of geiting up and picking the daisies, when suddenly an extraordinary thing happened A white rabbit with pink eyes ran close by taking a watch out of his waistcoat pocket. I'm late, I'm late, I'm late for a very important date. No time to say “Hello — Goodbye” I'm late, I'm late, I'm late! And when | wave, | lose the time I save My fuzzy ears and whiskers took me too much time to shave run and then | Hop! Hop! Hop! L wish that | could fly There's danger if | dare to stop and here’s the reason why. You see I'm overdue, I'm in a rabbit stew. Can't even stop to say Hello I’m late, I'm late, I’m iate! (He stops rushing back and forth — shaking the watch vigorously and listening to it) I's the Duchess; She'll be so cross that I’m so late. Oh Dear | must find the nearest rabbit hole. (He looks around — goes behind tree). Here's one — down | go!Alice (The rabbit had been totally unaware of Alice throughout whilst she has watched in amazement). (looking behind the tree) Why, there's quite a large rabbit hole here. | must see where he's gone.Scene Two Alice: - “Down the rabbit hole” — played entirely in the black out. (She stops behind tree. There's a snap blackout and a sound effect of rushing wind. Alice now speaks through an echo chamber effect in total darkness)) (Gives a scream) Help its so dark and | seem to be falling right through the middle of the earth. | wonder how many miles I've fallen now, perhaps | shall arrive in Australia or even New Zealand. I'l have to ask my way — | wonder if they speak English. (She pauses to listen) Why | do declare I can still hear the white rabbit. He must be far below me. (through echo chamber) Oh dear I’m so late whatever will the Duchess say — she'll be so very cross. She's awful always but when she's cross she's fearsome (fades) Oh dear! Oh dear! Oh dear! une Three First Animal: Alice: Second Animal: Alice: First Animal: Third Animal: Second Animal: First Animal: Alice: First Animal: (Triumphantly) Alice: First Animal: Alice: First Animal: Alice: All Animals: First Animal Second Animal: Third Animal All Animals: Alice: “in Wonderiand” Alice is discovered centre stage as the lights come up —to the music of a Bright March the Animals (who must all represent a different one) are parading with great interest around Alice who is apprehensive. “Who are you? (Nervously) “Alice” “Alice Who?” “Just Alice" “That's a very odd name’ (repeats) “Just Alice” “Pethaps she means Justice Alice” “She's far too young to be a Justice!” “Have you ever tried anyone?” “Well my Mother finds me very trying at times” I told you she is a Justice! How awful — to try your own Mother. (All animais noisily agree). But you don't understand. ve just fallen down a rabbit hole following a white rabbit. That wasn't a very wise thing to do, He's in terrible trouble. | think he had an appointment and he was late. He's always late — especially when he has a meeting with the Duchess. A Duchess — Oh No! ) Oh Yes! ) All this spoken. She's awful ) with great Clarity She's mean ) and Pace She's spiteful ) She's Ugly ) She sounds really frightening) 12All: She is! ) Alice: Tiijust hope our paths don't cross. Ail: (Resignedly) They will hey will Alice: Well now that we've all met could you tell me where | am? Animals 2: We could! ) 3: We would! ) (Rhythmically) 4: We shouid! 4: You're in (Whole group together) “WONDERLAND”. ‘New words to be adapted to the music of “Wonderful Wonderful Copenhagen" from the musical of “Hans Christian Anderson” (MD to decide how it is split) Wonderful! Wonderfull Wonderland! It's such a nice place to be Though you fell aground from the world above It's quite really a nice place to see. Most of the folk here are kind and refined ‘And you will be welcome to tea. So stay for a while and we'll help you to smile In this Wonderful, Wonderful, Wonderful, Wonderful Wonderful, Wonderland (Big finish and off stage we hear approaching the white rabbit. All animals exit waving goodbye) W.Rabbit: Oh Dear! Oh Dear! Oh Dear! Oh Dear! (Enters agitatedly) The Duchess will be so angry because I'm late. Alice: Excuse me Sir! W.Rabbit: (Startled) Good Gracious who are you? Alice: ‘When | woke up this morning | was sure | was Alice but so many strange things are happening that I'm not sure anymore. W.Rabbit: If you're not Alice who else can you be?Alice: W.Rabbit: Alice: W.Rabbit: W.Rabbi W.Rabbit: Well | can’t be Melanie because she’s got fuzzy hair, and I'm certainly not Sharon cos | know lots of things and she knows very little. Besides She's She and I'm Me! tt seems to be a big problem (Excitedly) | know I'l try multiplication — I'm quite good at that. Four and four are nine and four times five is twelve. (White rabbit shakes his head in disbelief) (White Rabbit must now work the audience for responses) Boys and Girls or should | say Girls and Boys. Would you like to help Alice (wait and encourage responses) \ can't hear you! (Appeal to adults) Come on even the Big Giris and Boys (Pause) Jean see quite a few big ones out there! Its OK 1 won't point you out ~ Unless you don't join in — and then | ask your age! So watch out O.k. You're all kids now — come on all you kids, Mums and Dads, Grandpa and Grandma, Aunts and Uncles, Friends and Neighbors - All together now — Do you want to help Alice? (If W. Rabbit has achieved his aim, from now He will get the audience to respond — even the other characters will benefit from this state of play) Ok lets test your multiplication — what is two and four? i you down there (points to woman in audience) — no not you — the pretty one behind you — you got it wrong! Oh yes you did. (Hopefully whoever is picked will respond) Oh No | didn’t! Oh Yes you did. Etc (rule of three applies in responses) Well you had better get the next one right or it's the dunce’s hat for you. It's very tall and the people behind won't like it. So pay attention! What is four times five. (By now whole audience should respond)Alice: W.Rabbit: Alice: W.Rabbit: Alice: Alice: W. Rabbit: (to Audience) Oh thank you — how could | have forgotten so quickly — you've been a great help! (Speaks to W.Rabbit) Let me try geography I'm usually top of my class in those (thinks) London is the capital of Paris (W Rabbit shakes his head each time) and Paris is the capital of Rome. Oh dear I'm sure that's not correct — perhaps | have changed into Sharon after all. How awful that would be! (Enthusiastically) | say - do you know any poetry? I'm frightened to try. (W.rabbit persuades her to try) How doth the little crocodile Improve his shining tail And pour the waters of the Nile On every golden scale (now slightly uncertain) How cheerfully he seems to grin How neatly spread his claws and welcome little fishes in with gently smiling jaws! (Ruefully) well | don't think the little fishes will agree with that — for sure! (Starting to ory) Oh Dear I'm not sure those are the Tight words. | must be turning into Sharon after all and | shall have to live in that pokey little house — Well I won't (determinedly) | shall stay down here until they teli me who | am. And if | don't like who they tell me | am | shall stay down here forever. Now determined ~ she goes to exit. (waving to W.rabbit) See you later Alligator — whoops — | mean White Rabbit (exits) (responding swiftly) in a while crocodile — whoops — | mean Alice (waves off) (W.Rabbit now centre stage — mobile phone rings — (He berates the audience)W. Rabbit: Oi! — You've been told to turn those things off. (All the time the mobile continues). Oh silly me — it’s mine — | must be getting as forgetful as Alice. (He listens quivering) Yes! Yes! Your Royalty ~ You're most magnificeniness I'm hurrying as fast as | can ~ Be with you in ten shakes of a Ewes tail ~ oooeerr — 1 mean two shakes of a lamb’s taill (Pockets his mobile) Do you know who that was? It’s the awful Duchess. She’s mean, nasty and spiteful. She's a widow — No don't feel sorry for her. She killed the Duke! She was sitting on a wall and the Duke threw a Brick at her — He did! So she sat him on a brick and threw a wall at him! He’s been long gone — should be there by now! (Must now work the Audience to respond against the Duchess — this routine must be kept tight) O.K. will you help me? — (Wait for the “yes") | can't hear you? (Louder response) that's great now all you need are the two words — First is “SHUT UP". Lets try it. (rule of three times) That's fine, Second one is "Get Orf’. Let's try that one (Same business — Off stage we now hear the Duchess approaching midst cries from all the animals who enter humiedly, fearfully looking over their shoulders, White Rabbit visibly trembling also). Duchess: Audience (And all animals on stage): Duchess: W. Rabbit: (Sweep on Shrieking) Out of my way Vermin! And that goes for you lot as well (fo Audience) Oh yes it does! (This is the well-tried response that elicits the audiences reply naturally). OH NO IT DOESN'T! (RULE OF 3) (To Audience) And you lot can mind your own business! (Nervously to Audience) OK Boys and Girls, our first word.(Animals join in loudly): Duchess: W.Rabbit: All: Duchess: All: Alice: W.Rabbit: Alice: All: W.Rabbit: First Animal: All: W.Rabbit: SHUT UP! (Grandly) How dare you speak to me like that? (Boldly Now) OK Girls and Boys — second word GET ORFF! You'll regret this — I'm going — but — I'll be back (She sweeps off as W.Rabbit encourages another........) GET ORFF! (Alice Enters) What was all that commotion about? The Duchess was here. Oh No! ‘Oh Yes! Don't worry your head about her. We will look after you (to other animals) won't we. (resounding response) —— Yes We invite you to be our guest. (This is a direct cue into the first scene Finale — taken from the musical “Beauty and the Beast” - - “Be our Guest’. MD to decide how words are distributed between company, obviously Alice and ‘White Rabbit must dominate). FADE ~ BLACK OUT artenenemnasnennennnncenatScene Four The Abode of the Caterpillar A front cloth setting for conversation between Alice and the Hookah Pipe smoking Caterpillar. A large Mushroom dominates the set. (see scenic notes) As lights come up — Alice enters. Caterpillar: (Puffing on his Hookah Pipe):- Who are you? Alice: (drops a curtsey) |....1..... hardly know Sir just at present — At least | know who I was when I got up this moming, but so many strange things have occurred since. Caterpillar What do you mean by that? Explain yourself. Alice: I can't explain “myself” because I'm not “myself you see. Caterpillar: I don't see. Alice: ! can't put it more clearly except | keep changing into different people like — Melanie and Sharon! It's all very confusing. Caterpillar: (Puffing continually on his pipe) It isn't. Alice: Well perhaps you haven't found it so yet — but wait until you have to turn into a chrysalis then into a butterfly (now getting cross) see how you'll ike that! (Alice turns on her heel and goes to exit) Caterpillar: (Shouts importantly) STOP!...... Come back, I've something important to say. Alice: (returning to foot of mushroom): What is that Sir? Caterpillar: (Loud and Smug) KEEP YOUR TEMPER 18Alice: Caterpillar: Alice: Caterpillar: Alice: Caterpillar: Alice: Caterpillar: Alice: Caterpillar: Is that all? No — if you've changed, is that for the better? (Uncertainly) L....1.......1 don't think so Sir, | can't remember things as | used too. Can't remember what things? Well — I've tried to recite “How doth the busy Little Bee” — but it all came out different! (Commandingly) Repeat — “You are old Father William”. (Composing Herself) Your are old Father William the young man said and your hair has become very white; And yet you incessantly stand on your head. Do you think that at your age it is right? In my youth, Father William replied to his son, \ feared it might injure the brain; But now that I'm perfectly sure | have none Why, | do it again and again. You are old, said the Youth, One would hardly suppose that your eye was as steady as ever. Yet you balanced an eel on the end of your nose — What made you so awfully clever? | have answered your questions and that is enough Said his Father, don't give yoursetf airs Do you think { can listen all day to such stuff? Be off or I'l kick you down stairs! That's not said right, (miserably) Not quite right, I'm afraid some of the words got altered It is wrong from beginning to end. (He descends from the mushroom) 19Alice: (Exiting - tums back to Alice): - Do you think | can listen all day to such stuff — be off or I'l kick you down stairs. (backing away) Oh Dear! | must get away — the Caterpillar has so many feet the last thing | need is to be kicked downstairs by him. (A commotion off stage as the Tweedle Brothers enter. Both are Jolly and Noisily happy, also enormously fat. Massive packing will protect them for Dee: Dum: Alice: Dum: what follows) Well here we are Dum — our holiday destination at last. Til make sure, Vl ask that young lady. (He approaches Alice) excuse me Miss can you tell us where we are? (Relieved at last) That's one thing | can be sure of — You are in Wonderland. You see | told you Dum We've reached our Awayday Destination. (During the foregoing Dum has been ogling Alice and getting too close) Oil...... Dum....... STOP that — it’s not a HAVE IT AWAYDAY HOLIDAY. (reluctantly) Iwas only being friendly. (Dropping A modest curtsey) GENTLEMAN! (They look around) My name is Alice. Who are you? (Bows) 1m Dee (Curtsey) I'm Dum 20Both: The Tweedle Brothers. Alice: I'm delighted to meet you — Tell me, where have you travelled from? Dee: We live in Looking Glass Land! Dum: Yes, but we got fed up looking at ourselves so we've come away for a break. Alice: Well you've certainly come to the right place for everything seems to get broken here. Dum: ‘Oh Good — | enjoy breaking things. | must go now because I've got an invitation from the Duchess to have Tea. Bye Bye see you later. (She exits — Tweedles see audience) Dee: Look Dum — Children. Dum: hate children — Nose picking, Lolly licking scruffs. Dee: How can you say that Dum: It just came out of my mouth. Dee: Well keep it shut. You are so stupid (to audience) isn't he boys and girls? Kids: (Hopefully) ............ Yes Dum: Oh! No I'm Not (Dum and Dee Work Audience — But remember rule of three only) Dee: Well that’s sealed — he now knows he's stupid ...... Tell me Dum have you ever had a job. Dum: Course | have (Proudly) | was a Human Cannon Ball, Dee: What happened? Dum: | got Fired!! aBoth together: Dee: Dum: Dee: Dum: Dee: Dum: Dum: Dee: Dum: Dee: Dum: Deo: Dum: Dee: Dum: Dee: Dum: Dee Boom! Boom! (Both clap hands and lunge to audience) What did you do after that? | got a job on the radio Doing what? | did animal impressions. The Sounds? No.... The smells!! (He walks across stage — limping) Why are you walking like that? Its, my new shoes —— they hurt! You've got them on the wrong feet!!! They're the only feet I've got. How can you say so many stupid things in one day? | get up EARLY!! Anyway I've taken on the job of an advisor to animals. I've just advertised in the (local paper) (Going towards wings) That accounts for the queue over here then. There’s a Bee here wants a word with you. Tell him to Buzz offi There's also a Kangaroo Has he got a wooden leg? Yes! Tell him to Hop it! That's not very kind, anyway your last customer is a Turkey, She would like a word!Dum: Tell her to get stuffed! Dee: That's really rude. You won't make a success of that job, and anyway you're getting far too fat. Dum: Huh — You can talk (They now indulge in a Tummy — bumping contest — Not vicious but Jolly in keeping with their youngish schoolboy characters — whilst singing._ Too Fat Polka: - (See notes for Musical Director) Dee: Here's a Silly Ditty - You can sing it right away Dum: Now here is what you say — so sing it right away Together: Here's a silly jingle you can sing it Night or Noon, Here's the words that all you need cos we just sang the Tune Chorus (Encourage Audience to join in) 1 don’t want him - you can have him He's too Fat for me He's too Fat for me He's too Fat for me I don't want him — you can have him, Please do that, for me, He's too Fat, He's too Fat, He's too fat for me. Dee: | get Dizzy Dum: I get Numbo Together: When I'm dancing with this Jumbo! Jumbo! (They then dance a mad Polka — rushing each other with High-octane bumps. Finally collapsing in a heap -) BLACK OUT 23Scene Five The Duchess’s Kitchen As lights come up, the Cook is presiding over range, where she is making pepper soup. Duchess sits in Rocking Chair nursing a screaming baby. Cook keeps stirring the soup cauldron and from an oversized Pepper Pot shaking more into the Soup whilst giving enormous earth shattering sneezes. Alice: (Enters with an enormous sneeze) Goodness me there's far too much Pepper in that Soup. Duchess: (Still furiously rocking the baby) You mind your own business. Who invited your opinion anyway? Alice: No one; However the door was open and | heard a baby crying. Duchess: H's always crying — it enjoys it (shakes baby vigorously) SHUT UP! SHUT UPI SHUT UPI Here catch (She throws baby to the Cook who catches it and shoves its head in the caldron) Cook: Here smell that, Its your Din Din! (Baby screams even louder) I don’t know! Make em a nice pepper stew and that doesn’t please em! (Throws Baby back to Duchess who fields it straight to Alice who neatly catches it) Alice: If you persist in treating the poor litle mite like this you will kill it Duchess: And it will serve it right for screaming — anyway — Who are you? Alice: (Loud Sneeze) AAAAAAAnnhhhhtisssssssue Duchess: Welt.....’ Tissue"... Watch this; Ill show you how to treat a screaming baby. (She now rooks baby back and forth crooning as she does) 24(This can be done as Rhythmic Poetry or Your M.D could put a simple tune to it if wished) “Speak roughly to your Little Boy and Beat him when he sneezes He only does it to annoy Because he knows it teases Chorus: (in which the cook and baby join in) wow! wow! wow! (Whilst joining in the Cook starts throwing plates (obviously paper ones) at all and sundry including the Audience who will return them for sure. Keep this controlled and not too long) Duchess: (Second chorus) *Right-back to the plot (rocks baby more) I speak severely to my Boy | beat him when he sneezes For He can thoroughly enjoy The pepper when he sneezes” Chorus: (in which the cook and baby still join in) wow! wow! wow! Duchess: Well that was fun — (goes to the soup cauldron) This needs more pepper (Shakes pepper pot into soup) (Duchess, Alice and Cook now in a straight line across the stage). Duchess: (to Alice) I'm fed up with this game — here catch! (Throws baby up in air, which Alice catches) Alice: Oh Dear! I've never nursed a baby before, (Alice throws baby up in air to Cook) Cook: (Catches Baby) I know Pil put it in the Soup Duchess: Don't you dare spoil my lovely Pepper Soup 25Cook: (Cackles) It could be screaming Baby chowder (Throws up Baby) (Finally catches Baby) I'm sure there must be a Society that stops cruelty to Babies even in Wonderland Duchess: Well “Tissue” | make you a gift of it — feed it Pepper Soup It'll just love it, (To Audience) I'm off for a tramp in the woods (Pause) I met him on the Internet chatroom last night, (Duchess exits — stage left — Alice with Baby — stage right. Cook takes up small pile of plates and goes forward throwing them into the audience) Cook: Here you ‘orrible group of wombats — keep your plates and I'l bring you some Pepper Soup in the interval! (Exit hurling plates ihts fade to Black out) 26Scene Six The Home of the Cheshire Cat See Notes of Set suggestions to achieve this. Alice: Alice: Alice: Alice: Dum: Dee: (entering with Baby still screaming) If I don’t take this child away with me they're sure to kill it in a day or two: Wouldn't it be murder if I left it behind? (Baby has stopped sneezing and crying but now grunts in return). Don't grunt, that's not at all a proper way to express yourself (Baby grunts again — louder) OH Dear it does have a very turn up nose! More like a snout than a nose and its eyes are very small for a baby. (Alice is fumbling with Baby's blanket through the foregoing to facilitate the change into a Pig). If you are going to tum into a pig my dear I'l have nothing more to do with you. (Baby grunts) | don’t know what | could do with it if | take it home! (Alice has now reversed the blanket wrapped baby — which gives a little cry turning into a snort). Oh Dear ~ it's definitely a Pig now! (She places it on the ground and it now slivers across the stage on an invisible wire as Alice waves goodbye) It would have made a dreadfully ugly child; but it makes a rather handsome Pig | think. (Still waving to the pig she exits following it. Tweedle Brothers enter opposite). Hey Dee, did you see that Polar Bear sitting on his iceberg selling ice creams? ~ | want one. Well we haven't got any money so we can't have one. 2Dum: Dee: Dum: Dum: Dee: Dum: Dee: Dum: Dee: Dum: Dum: Dum: Dee: Dum: Dum: (Going into a tantrum) I want one! | want one! | want one!. Stop that sniveling; (thinks) | know I've thought of a way to make money. How can we do that Welll pretend there’s an echo here. How will we do that, I'm all ears. Well no-ones perfect! Look you stand over there behind that tree and repeat everything | say. | repeat everything you say? That's right, now get out of sight, we'll have a practice. (Dum hides behind tree, and his replies must be through an echo chamber mike) (rhythmically) Helio! Hello! {behind tree (rhythmically sings) -) Who's your lady friend Nol No! No! Your supposed to repeat only what | say — don't add you own bits to it. (During this Dum has come out from the tree) | thought we'd do our songs together again Well that won't get us any money for sure. OK. lets try again (goes behind tree) Hello Hello Anyone there? Anyone there?Dum: Dee: Dum: Dee: Dum: W.Rabbit Audience: W.Rabbi Audience: W.Rabbi Audience: ‘W.Rabbit: Can you hear me? (coming out) Yes of course I can (Jumping up and down) No! No! No! You're an idiot. You're an idiot Don't repeat what I say —- cops —- | mean only repeat what | say from behind the tree. OK got it now — I'll be brilliant this time. Right — someone's coming get behind the tree and remember what | say — you say. (They are very close facing each other) (Kisses Dee on his nose) What you say —| say (Goes behind tree as White Rabbit enters) Oh Dear —| still haven't found the Duchess (to Audience) have you seen her boys and girs. Yes! I can't hear you! Yes! Was she horrible! — Really ugly and horrible Yes! (Mobile phone rings) (Answering) Yes it's the White Rabbit -—-- over the Duchess! Yes! Yes! Your illustrious graciousness - Your good graciousness I've run all over the place to find you = (During this he has run all over bowing and scraping — finally landing on his knees — kowtowing madly!) (watching in amazement) Who are you talking to? 29W.Rabbit: Dee: W.Rabbit: W.Rabbit Dee: W.Rabbit: Dee: W.Rabbit: Dee: Dum: W.Rabbit: (Whispers) The Duchess (loudly) WHO! (Even louder) The Duchess — oops sorry (into the handset) Your magnificence ~ Yes! Yes! I've an invitation to the Queen of Hearts Garden Party — Yes — see you there. Most beauteous (puts phone away) Ugly Old Hag!!! You seem to be in Big Trouble — would you like to make some money. | ceriainly would then | would no longer be at the beck and call of that awful Duchess. Did you know there’s an echo here? No there isn't an echo here — I've lived here all my wife — | mean my life and there's no echo here? 1 will bet you £10 there’s an echo here (He holds it in his hand) You're on — there's no echo here (He holds a £10 note in his hand) Are you ready! Are you ready! (Startled) - There is an Echo There is an Echo Vil try again rit try again Oompa! Oompa! ‘Stick it up your jumper (comes from behind the tree) 30W.Rabbit: Dee: Dum: Dee: Duchess: Dum: Duchess: Dee: Dum: Duchess: Dee: Dum: Duchess: Dee: Duchess: | knew there wasn’t an echo here. (He snatches £10 from Dees hand and exits triumphantly) You're a prize idiot ‘Oh good — when do | get the prize! You don’t — listen someone else is coming I'll give you another chance. (He pushes Dum behind the tree as the Duchess ‘sweeps on). Ooh look (at Audience) Nasty smelly fiea ridden kids and their equally repellent floozy Mums and Beer gutted Dads. I hate you! I hate you! | hate you! (to Audience) and three hates are twenty-four (behind tree) and three hates are twenty-four Who said that? did Idid (Advancing on Dee) If you don’t shut up Ill prick your tum! And if you don't shut up I'll tum your (thinks again swiftly better of it) No | won't Yes | will (Dum comes from behind tree unseen by the Duchess) Who said that? (As Duchess gazes around audience Dee runs behind tree and yanks Dum back behind tree just in time). It was the Echo There's no echo here. Fil bet you £10 there is 31Duchess: Dee: Duchess: Dee: Dum: Dee: Dum: Dee: Dum: Dee: Dum: Duchess: Dee: Dum: Duchess: Dum: Duchess: Dum: Duchess: Dum: Duchess: This is easy money — I've lived here all my life — there is no echo here! | used to do my courting here, If there was I'd have had twice as much fun. Well | shall now prove it - are you ready? Ready willing and able Ul forget the last two! Stand well back it’s a blast from the past. (Loudly) Hello Hello Where are you? tm here (Duchess looks suspicious) It’s very hot It's very hot Shall we have some ice cream? ‘Yes please There's something strange going on here —| smell a rat. ‘There was no smell until you came No smell until you came (to Dee) Let me try the echo (shouts) Hello Hello 1am here 1am here tam ready for you Jam ready for you Come and get me 32Dum: Duchess: W.Rabbit: Duchess: W.Rabbit: Duchess: 'W.Rabbit: Duchess: You must be joking ‘Would you like to drink champagne from my slipper? Would you like a slap in the face with a kipper? I know where I know where I can get lean get A gallon of ice cream for twenty pee (rushes from behind tree) Where's that then? (Duchess chases Dum and Dee round stage exit right, as they exit White Rabbit enters left in his usual izzy. Gets centre stage and his mobile rings) (Answering mobile) ‘Yes this is the White Rabbit (shakes) Who am | speaking with (pause) the Duchess's maid. The Duchess wishes to speak to me? (Shakes even more) Yes | know and I've tried all day to make contact. (Duchess creeps back and is now standing menacingly behind the White Rabbit. Who does not see her) Is that the White Rabbit Yes your most majestic wonderfulness ‘Are you bowing ‘Oh yes most beauteous one. LowerW.Rabbit: Duchess: W.Rabbit: Duchess: Duchess: Alice: (speaks in far deeper tones) Oh yes most beauteous one. Knee! I'm kneeling Prostrate yourself (He is now almost flat out ~ Duchess has moved to be ‘standing directly at the side of him. He suddenly becomes aware and reaches very tentatively forward touching her toe’s then ankles then finally screeching and rising. Duchess chases round after him — he exits) (To audience) Ooh aren't | clever. Oh Yes | am (rule of 3 again) Vl see you cringe making crowd at the Queen of Hearts Garden Party. (Exits saying) Aren't | clever - and beautiful!!! Oh - Shut up. (As Duchess exits Alice enters on the side the White rabbit has exited from) (She is holding his mobile phone) That's very odd (to audience) Have you seen the White Rabbit? (By now they will respond) He was here? Not with the wicked Duchess! Oh Dear then this must be his mobile phone for | don’t know anyone else with a mobile phone — do you? (Play the audience for they're replies but keep it fiowing otherwise they get out of contro!) Well done Boys and Girls, Mums and Dads all of you will you look after this for Mr. Rabbit. Look I'l put it up inere and if anyone ities to take it | want you to shout as loud as possible - RING? RING! (During the preceding Alice places the phone on a pre-arranged place, shelf or hook) Shall we try — loudly - RING! RING! (They respond)Alice: Cheshire Cat: Alice: Cheshire Cat: Alice: Cheshire Cat: Alice: Cheshire Cat: Alice: Cheshire Cat: Did you do it? Well it's not really loud enough. Look Hil pretend I'm going to steal it — so really loud this time — raise the roof it doesn't belong to us. (She does exaggerated stealth walk towards phone) Thank you so much don’t forget will you — it only belongs to the White Rabbit and no one must steal things that don’t belong to them must they? (During this last intercourse we hear faint meows getting louder as branches of tree fall aside fo reveal painted face of large Cheshire Cat. Lower jaw should be moveable to open and close as it speaks) It must be that Wise Cheshire Cat I've heard about. He does have a rather nice smile, which is curious, because | didn’t think they could. (She drops him a curtsey) Mr. Cheshire, would you tell me please which way | ‘ought to go. That depends a good deal on where you want to get to, I don't much care where. Then it doesn't matter which way you go So long as | get somewhere Oh you're sure to do that if you only walk long enough. What sort of people live around here? To the right lives a Hatter whilst to the left lives a March Hare — visit either they're both mad. I don't want to. go amongst mad people Oh you can't help it- we're all mad here, I'm mad, you're mad. 38Alice: Cheshire Cat: Alice: Cheshire Cat: Alice: Cheshire Cat: Alice: Cheshire Cat: Alice: Cheshire Cat: Cheshire Cat: Alice: Cheshire Cat: Cheshire Cat: Alice: Cheshire Cat: Alice: How do you know I'm mad? ‘You must be or you wouldn't have come here. and how do you know you're mad? To begin with a dog is not mad — you grant that? I suppose so. You see a dog growls when it's angry and wags it's tail when it’s pleased. Now | grow! when I'm pleased and wag my tail when | am angry - Therefore I'm mad. {call it purring not growling Are you going to the Queens Garden Party? I would very much like to but I've not been invited. You'll see me there - Goodbye! (Branches close across him) (Then slowly re-open) Bye the Bye what became of the baby? | almost forgot to ask. It turned into a pig | thought it would (Same disappearing and re-appearance as previously) Did you say Pig or Fig? | said Pig and i wish you wouldn't keep appearing and vanishing so suddenly you make me feel quite giddy Hoity! Toity! Well | may be Hoity — but you'll never see Toity again! Oh Dear i wish | was back home it's so strange and lonely here. 36(Cat has now disappeared behind the branches. A sad song is now needed to close this scene. Suggestion — “on my own” from “Les Miserables” ) Slow fade to Black out towards the endScene Seven: The Mad Hatters Tea Party. This is set in the garden. Table is set for ten or twelve places ~ this must be precise to enable them to move a place thereby enabling the Mad Hatter to be the only recipient of a full plate! See diagram below for start of scene. As lights come up Mad Hatter is the only one eating others gazing with longing, the dormouse finds it impossible to keep awake and makes slight snoring sounds throughout until rudely shaken awake by Hatter and March Hare: Alice enters stage left. Alice: (To audience) This must be the home of the Hatter! How strange that he has a price on it. Perhaps they are for sale. (When they see Alice all through shout loudly) All: No Room! No Room! No Room! Alice: What nonsense there's plenty of room (she seats herself on right of table) Hatter: Have some wine Alice: Idon't see any wine Hatter: There isn’t any Alice: (Crossly) Then it wasn't very civil of you to offer it. March Hare: Itwasn't very civil of you to sit down without being invited. Alice: I didn't know it was Your table, it’s laid for a great many more than three. 38Mad Hatter: Alice: All three: Mad Hatter: All now repeat: Alice: March Hare: Mad Hatter: Alice: Mad Hatter: Alice: March Hare: Alice: Mad Hatter: March Hare: Dormouse: (Whose been staring intently at Alice) Your hair needs cutting. You should lear not to make personal remarks — is very rude! (To Alice) Hoity! Toity! (They all collapse in giggles) (Recovering Himself) We've heard that one. The Cheshire Cat just e- mailed it to us. (To Alice) You may be Hoity But you'll never see Toity again! (more helpless giggles) Crossly:- You ought to have more conversation than repeating silly jokes Look who's talking (Changing subject abruptly) Why is a Raven like a writing desk? 'm glad you've begun asking riddles. | believe ! can guess that. Do you mean you can find out the answer to it. Exactly so. Then you should say what you mean. Ido, at least — at least | mean what | say — that's the same thing you know. Not the same thing a bit. You might as well say “I see what | eat” is the same as “| eat what | see! You might as well say ‘I like what | get’ is the same as "| get what | like"! (Dormouse sleepily intervenes) You might as well say, “I breathe when | sleep’, is the same as “I sleep when | breathe”! 39Mad Hatter: Mad Hatter. Mad Hatter: March Hare: Mad Hatter: March Hare: Alice: Mad Hatter: Alice: Mad Hatter: Alice: Mad Hatter: March Hare: Dormouse: Itis the same with you. (Hits mouse with his watch) (During the foregoing Mad Hatter has been shaking and tapping a large tumip type watch on a jong chain = listening intently to it) (To Alice changing the subject) ‘What day of the month is it? (Thinking) The Fourth Two days wrong (fo March Hare) | told you butter wouldn't suit the works. itwas Best Butter ‘Yes but some crumbs must have got in as well. | told you not to put it in with the bread knife. (March Hare takes watch and dips it in the teapot) (Fortornly) It was the best butter you know. (Looking at watch) What a funny watch. It tells the day of the month — but — it doesn't tell what O'clock it is. Why should it. Does Yours tell you what year it is. Of course not but that is because it stays the same year for such a long time. (Now bored) Have you guessed the riddle yet No, | give up, What's the answer? | haven't the slightest idea! Nor I! Nor I!Alice: Mad Hatter: Alice: Mad Hatter: Alice: Mad Hatter: March Hare: Mad Hatter: Alice: Mad Hatter: Alice: ‘Mad Hatter: | think you might do something better with the time than wasting it asking riddles that have no answers. if you know time as well as I do, you wouldn't talk about wasting it. It's Him! I don't know what you mean. Of course you don’t — | dare say you've never even spoke to time. Perhaps not — but — | know I have to beat time when | leam music. A\Hal That accounts for it — he won't stand beating. If only you had kept on good terms with him he'd do almost anything you liked with the clock. For instance suppose it was 9 o'clock and time for school you'd only have to whisper to time and round goes the clock in a twinkling — half past twelve — time for lunch But | wouldn't be hungry for it. Not at first but you could keep it at twelve — thirty for as long as you wished. Is that the way you manage? Not | - We quarrelied last March just before he went mad (pointing at March Hare) it was at a concert given by the Queen of Hearts and I had to sing (He does): Twinkle, Twinkie little bat How | wonder what you're at Up above the world so high Like a tea tray in the sky Twinkle, Twinkle, Twinkle Well I'd hardly finished when the Queen jumped up and bawied out -“HE’s MURDERING TIME! Off with his head aAlice: Mad Hatter: Alice: Mad Hatter: Mad Hatter: Alice: Mad Hatter: Alice: Mad Hatter: Alice: How dreadfully savage. And ever since that, time won't do a thing | ask/ It's always 5 o'clock. Is that the reason there are so many tea things put ‘out here. That's correct (looks at watch) it's now time. All change! All change! (They all scramble up to the next seat ~ but one space only so that the only one sitting before a full plate is the Hatter — others pick up their empty plates foriomly) (To Alice) would you like some more tea ve had nothing yet, so — | can’t take more, but thank you for asking. I've just had a brilliant idea (To Alice) can you sing? Well | did get a gold medal at last Christmas’s school concert. Perhaps if you sang now Father Time would be so pleased he would release us all from the curse of it always being 5 o'clock. (They now clamour for Alice to sing) Well | will do my best. (Other cheer as she takes centre stage) {My suggestion is “spread a little happiness” from the musical “Mr. Cinders”). The verse for Alice is particularly relevant for the plot. As the chorus commences bring back first half characters slowly at first — i.e. White Rabbit, - Tweedie Brothers — Cook ~ Caterpil full.) r = Ail Animals until stage is N.B: Do not bring Duchess into this — it would strike the wrong note. 2Near the end of Scene M.D must find a break in the music whilst we hear bell chimes strike six o'clock as the previous spell is finally broken, to great jubilation and final full company chorus with big finish. Fade to Black Out 4BAct Two Scene Eight The King and Queen of Hearts Garden Party Rather grand with Terrace and statuary. Centre is a large tub with a White Rose Tree in full bloom. Start scene with a ballet routine. Children dressed as various flowers. Alice leads the routine singing. “An English Country Garden” (At finish Alice waves goodbye to the Flower Fairies who exit) (Enter Dum and Dee carrying paint pots and brushes) Alice: Hello Dee and Dum what are you doing here? Dee: Our friend the Knave of Hearts is in terrible trouble. Dum: The Queen of Hearts told him that she only wanted Red Roses in her garden. Dee: And he forgot and pianted white ones (They gaze in dismay at the tub of White Roses) Alice: So what are you going to do? Together: Dee) Dum) Paint them Red! Dee: Otherwise the Queen will chop off his head. Dum: ‘Ours too if she finds us doing this. (They are busily painting whilst the conversation continues. Voice of Duchess is heard approaching) Duchess: (Off Stage) I can smell stinky children — where are they? Come out where ever you're hiding. Alice: (Looking Off) ‘Oh Dear it's that wicked Duchess coming this way. Duchess: (Enters Addressing the Audience) So at last I've found you smelly little reptilian monsters.Dee: Duchess: Dum: Duchess: All: Duchess: Alice: Dum: Duchess: Dum) Dee) Duchess: Dum: Duchess: Dee: Duchess: How can you say such dreadful things like that? Easily I just open my mouth and out it comes. (Stupialy brave} Ifyou talk like that to my friends... i... knock your head down into your knickers - Oh Yes i will Oh No you won't! (Alice joins the Tweedles now encouraging the Audience to join in). Oh Yes We Will. (Again keep to the rule of three times only-finally) SHUT UP! Why it's Miss Alice — What have you done with my baby? Ittumed into a Pig! (To Duchess) Just like you. How dare you ~ but — I'll get my revenge. Wait until I tell the Queen what you've been up to. It'll be a case of Off with your heads! Oh No it won't (rule of three again) Oh yes it will (To Audience) Ok kids ~ remember our first word? — Shut Up! Shut up yourself? ‘Second Word - (Very Loudly All) GET ORF i'm going — but — I'l be back — (goes to exit saying) — with the chopper. 45Alice: W.Rabbit: W.Rabbit: Dee: Duchess: Dum) Dee) W.Rabbit:) You'd better finish painting those Roses ~ You know how ill tempered the Queen of Hearts is and you don’t want your head to be parted from you body do you? No! —I'd have nowhere to put my hat. (She exits as Dee and Dum continue painting) (White Rabbit enters still agitated) Oh Dear! Oh Dear! I've not met the Duchess yet (To Audience) and | can’t ring her on my mobile because Ive lost it! (Cry’s) Without my mobile | haven't got a friend left because alll their numbers are on it. Oh Dear — I'm all-alone in the world. Without a roof to my mouth or a tongue to my shoe — Oh Dear what am | to do. (Sees Dee and Dum). Gentleman, have you by any chance seen a lost mobile phone? What noise does it make? (High Fatsetto) it goes, Ring Ring! — Ring Ring! You could at least have it play the 1812 overture. (During this last exchange the Duchess has entered and spotted the phone. Hanging on proscenium. She creeps to it). (Sees her) OK Boys and Girls — don't forget. What do we do? All together — Ring Ring! Ring Ring! (During this Dee has beaten the Duchess in grabbing the phone) Curses! Curses! Foiled again, but — I'll be back (Exits right) (Together) - GET ORF! (They exit left)(A Regal Fanfare Heralds entrance of Playing Cards who form a passageway through which the King, Queen and Knave of Hearts enter. Suggested music in which all join "A Regular Royal Queen" Gilbert and Sullivan — “The Gondoliers’) * Note to the Director — There's comedic possibilty in the song if the King gets very involved in both being "A Regular Royal Queen" — with its ulterior innuendo! Also creates the Queens Dominance over the King and his attempt to ‘better’ her without success. (At finish of Song — White Rabbit and Tweedie Brothers enter) Queen: (Addressing all) Welcome Objects! | ere, ere, mean Subjects. ‘Would you like a tart? (Knave has a large basket of Tarts. Which he’s offering along the lines of playing cards.) Cards: (Together) No Thank you ~ your Majesty Queen: (Roars) WHAT - you refuse my Tarts — Off with your Heads! Ace of Hearts: (Steps forward) Your Majesty is too generous ~ perhaps we could take one for later. All Cards: (Eagerly) Yes! Yes! For Later Dum: MUCH LATER! Queen: (To King) Egburt - Would you like a tart? {Looks into the Audience) Yes my Dear I'll take that one on the Second Row! Queen: You've got a one-track mind Egburt — Dirt Track! King: Sorry beloved. Why do you insist on calling me Egburt? When my name is Cedric. a7Ace of Hearts: Queen: Duchess: Queen: Duchess: Queen: Duchess: Queen: Duchess. Queen: Duchess: Queen: Duchess: King and Queen: Remember, when we were first married, | asked you what you'd like for breakfast? Yes beloved. ‘And what was your reply? Egg but no Bacon! Old habits die hard — Egburt. (Looks around) Where's the Knave of Hearts? — He's got the Tarts (Looking Off) He's just gone running down the lane your Majesty. Oh Dear — Not again. He does that every year. (All on stage give a joyful cheer) (Enters during cheering) Well thank you — what a wonderful reception. Thank you! Thank you! (Witheringly) Who Invited You? I don’t need an invitation - I'm far higher born than you. My Father was a Baron! MMM - It’s a pity your Mother wasn’t SILENCE SCUMBAG! SHUT UP! Or it's off with your Head! SHANTT! SHALL! SHANTT! Shall we dance? (With the King who replies) One, Two, Three! (They Waltz) on a bright cloud of music shall we fly? One, Two, Three! AW SHUT UP! SHANTI! 48Duchess: Don't start that again! (All previous needs to be taken very brightly — not labored) Duchess: (Continues) Tell me do you like my dress? | bought it fora ridiculous price. Queen: Also for an absurd figure! Duchess: How Dare You! I've been told | have an hourglass figure. Queen: MMM - Pity all the sands run to the bottom! King: Girls! Girls! And | use the term loosely, enough of this badinage. Let us all away to the ballroom to rehearse for the Singing Contest. (All exit excitedly — White Rabbit Remains) W.Rabbit: Now they've all gone I'll have a little practice. There's 2 lovely prize for the best singist. (He stands on a pre-arranged spot) I've got a lovely song — brings tears to my eyes, whenever | sing it (Looks into the audience) Oi-I heard that. My Mother told me | had a voice of a lark — A PILARKII! (Sings) Oh a little bit of heaven fell from out the sky ‘one day. (On last word a weighted sack drops hitting him on the head then instantly travels back up again. He's done a fake tumble). W.Rabbit: Well that wasn't very nice was it? Here come Dum and Dee. Ah Boys come here. How about having a litle practice for the Song Contest. There's a lovely resonance here. Makes you sing better. Dee: What a great idea - | shall sing, “Over the Hills and Far Away’. 49,Dum: W.Rabbit: Dee: W.Rabbit: Dum: W.Rabbit: Both: W.Rabbit: Dum: Duchess: W.Rabbit &) Tweedles) With Audionce:) W.Rabbit: Dum: Duchess: W.Rabbit: Yea, The further the better. No! No! It's a set song — everyone has to sing the same one. It's called “A Little Bit of Heaven” Oh very well. Rules are Rules; and | know that one ‘Why not do it as a duet? Two's better than one. What a good idea. (Place them) ‘You must stand right here! That's it. Heads nice and close together. Good — you look like bookends ~ very pretty! (Harmonizing) Oh a Little bit of Heaven fell from out the sky one day. (As before sack floors them both returning swiftly back up again) Well that was strikingly done. (Looks Off) OOH look who's coming through the Rose Arbor! Oh Goody! Goody! It’s the Duchess. (Blows Audience a raspberry) AW SHUTUP! SHUTUP YOURSELF! No! No! Duchess, Don't Shut Up. Why not have a litte singing practice for the competition. I've been told you have a voice like a bell. Yea a Diving Bell! Watch it or I'll ring your bells — both of em! AW stop arguing ~ come and stand here Duchess. Rules are Rules you mustn't move an inch from this ‘spot.Duchess: Dum:) Dee:) Duchess: W.Rabbit: Dum:) Dee:) W.Rabbi Dum: Duchess: (The sack will have a dead on it so no matter what the Duchess misses the first two attempts) Oh a Little bit of Heaven fell from out the sky one day. (On last note Duchess lunges forward on one leg s0 sack misses her and quickly returns). No! No! No! You mustn't lunge forward stay standing on the same spot rules are rules. OH very well can I try again? Yes Please! (Hops) Please! Please! Please! (Duchess stands on spot but as she hits last note she drops onto one knee so sack is suspended dangling above her head — Quickly withdraws up again). No! No! No! You mustn't kneel — you will be disqualified if you don't stand up right. One last try - we're being very generous aren't we Boys and Girls, (They respond) \ didn’t hear you (Repeats Line after Audience responds) There we are Dutch — stand perfectly still and upright —got it? (She repeats all as before but this time is resoundedly caught and collapses on the ground) What are you doing down there? (Resignedly) Getting Up! (Alice now enters) slDuchess: Alice: Duchess: Duchess: An Miss Alice — are you going in for the Singing Contest? Well | was thinking about it. Then you've come to the right place. The resonance is perfect for practicing right here on this spot. (W.Rabbit and Tweedles are shaking their heads to try and prevent Alice, but the Duchess bullies them with shoves and pinches into silence) You have to sing a “Little bit of Heaven” it's the required piece, and you mustn't move off this spot. (Alice sings — at the finish a beautiful bouquet of fiowers descends to Alice's side which she takes and moves off bowing profusely to audience as Duchess rages) and, Lights fa BlackoutScene Nine Home of the Cheshire Cat - (repeat of scene six) {As lights come up the King, carrying the Queen on his back, struggles on) Queen: (Screeching) Put me down! Put me down! King: That's what you always say (fo himself) If only | could Queen: | thought I'd married a Rolls Royce but you tured into an old banger — | think I must get a new model — a Toy Boy! King: Don't you mean a Toyota? Queen: No — I wes right first time! I've always regretted | married beneath me. I'll have you know | paid one hundred pounds to have my family tree traced. King: That must have been a waste of money. Queen: It certainly was, | then paid another hundred to have it hushed up. (During this previous conversation Queen has been gazing into a Hand Mirror, with her eyes firmly closed) King: (Watching curiously) Why are you looking at yourself with your eyes shut? Queen: I'm just making sure 'm as beautiful when I sleep as when I'm awake. King: (Sardonically) Dream on! Dream On! (Alice enters still carrying bouquet) Queen: (Cross) How dare you win my singing competition. More especially as you're a stranger here. You've made me v.e.e.e.ry angry! | shall have you ‘summoned to attend my Courtroom, and when you're found guilty itl be a case of — Off with your head! (Queen stalks off dragging the King) 3Ali C.Cat: Alice: C.Cat: Alice: C.Cat: Alice: C.Cat: (Frightened) Oh Dear, It was a competition after all how could she be so angry. 1 was only trying my best. (During this the leaves of Tree have parted to reveal the grinning head of the Cheshire Cat) (Purring) Brrr! Brrr! Why it's Miss Alice! Why so unhappy? It's the Queen of Hearts, she is going to cut off my head. ‘Oh don't worry she does it to everyone, That's why I've only got a head, That's all very well for you, Cats like being up in trees. My own cat is always going up a tree. What's your Cat's name? Does it matter? Of course it does. I'm always grinning therefore I'm called Cheshire. Mind you | laugh out really loudly when the Firemen arrive to try and get me down. You'd laugh too when they fall to the ground. Why do they fall to the ground? When they discover I haven't got a body (He laughs highly amused — breathlessly stops). Anyway you have not told me your Cats name. Well since you've asked - it's Dinah! (Ponders) MMM. Perhaps it’s because she likes her dinner. Yes — that's it (decidedly) She likes her dinner. ‘That's true she does like her dinner. By the By, | almost forgot to tell you I've just won the milk drinking contest. How much?C.Cat: Alice: C.Cat: Alice: Alice: Ace of Cards: (At finish) Fifty saucers full. That must be a new lap record, (Collapses with laughter) That's a good one — new lap record! Well | must be off. | won't see you again. They don't allow trees in court. (Leaves slowly cover Cheshire Cat who is purring intently). (Waves) Goodbye Cheshire ..... Ill tell Dinah all about you. (Thinks) If | ever get home. (She sings a short version of ‘There’s no place like home’) (Determinedly) Well | won't allow the Queen of Hearts to chop off my head ~ They're only a pack of cards after all! (Drumbeat is heard and the cards enter singing “The Soldiers of the Queen” into a tap dancing routine — Alice watches) Miss Alice — | have here a summons from the King and Queen of Hearts to attend your trial in the Courtroom immediately!........ If not before. (The cards form into two lines and march off followed by Alice led by the Ace of Hearts). FADE TO BLACK OU’ 35Scene Ten The Courtroom This needs a suspended line of Playing Cards (Hearts) Hanging above the Thrones which will be able to appear to collapse at the end of scene causing Havoc and confusion as the scene closes. King and Queen occupy thrones set on dais centre stage — on left is jury box to right is the dock. As lights come up the procession leads Alice towards dock whiist they file into jury box. General turmoil and noise. Knave of Hearts: Knave: Queen: Knave: Alice: Queen: Silence in Court! (To jury) Be seated — except for Miss Alice who shail remain standing. (Jury have all got a notebook and pencil which they pretend to furiously scribble into when told to do so). Miss Alice you have been summoned before this Court to explain how you arrived here and why you have caused such confusion amongst the inhabitants of Wonderland. ‘Well I... ae Silence in Court - Speak when you're spoken to. (To Jury) Write that down. (They do so— this must be achieved quickly with military precision) (Angry now) | protest! — You're not giving me a chance. (Equally cross) Silence! If you don’t shut up I'll have your head chopped off — see how you'll like that! (She smirks at Jury) 56Knave: Knave: Hatter: King: Hatter: King Hatter: M.Hare: Dormouse: King: King: Hatter: King: Hatter: (To Jury) Write that down (they do exactly as before) Bring on the First Witnesses! (Mad Hatter, March Hare and Dormouse Enter nervously) Do you know the accused? Ido Sir, (He is holding a large mug of tea and a large slice of bread) What have you got there? | beg your pardon your Majesty for bringing these, but hadn't quite finished my tea when | was sent for. You ought to have finished, when did you begin Fourteenth of March | think it was. Fifteenth Sixteenth (To Jury) Write that down — now add them up and reduce the answer to pounds and pence. (Jury very befuddled and confused) (To Hatter) ‘Take off your Hat It isn’t mine. (Triumphantly) STOLEN! (To Jury) write that down (Pleadingly) keep them to sell — I'm a Hatter 31Queen: M.Hare: Dormouse: Hatter: Queen: Knave: Queen: Knave: Queen: Knave: Cook: Duchess: Cook: Duchess: Queen: (Rising Imperiously) give your evidence and don't be nervous of I'll have you executed on the spot — (Smirks) All three of you. (They shake visibly) Miss Alice interrupted our Tea Party. She wasn’t even invited! Yes, Yes That's totally, tea — totally correct. ‘Aha — we're getting down to the Nitty Gritty of the situation now! Cail the next witness. Bring on the next witnesses (Duchess enters followed by the Cook — Duchess crosses to front of witness box and sticks a large card with “GUILTY” on it to the front. Alice contemplates all with horror) (Outraged) BILLSTICKERS WILL BE PROSECUTED! (All rising and speaking in Unison) BillStickers is innocent! Silence in Court. Otherwise you'll all have your heads chopped off. (Smugly) That silence you (All visibly tremble) (To Cook) What is your Evidence Miss Alice walked straight into my kitchen (Interrupting) Without an invitation! Spoiling my soup with too much pepper. (Interrupting again) AND stealing my baby. (Surprised) | wasn’t aware you'd had a baby (to King) kept that to herself didn’t she?Duchess: Cook: King: Cook: Alice: Whole Court Astonished: Alice: King: Queen: Alice: (Vehemently) | only reared it. Til say she reared it - peppered its poor little bottom all day long. (To Jury) Write that down- ‘Peppered bum all day tong” (They franticelly write) And threw plates! (She hurls plates (paper)) at King and Queen (who hide behind umbrella) (Beside herself now) They both made the Baby cry all day long until it finally turned into a PIG! APIGI (Loudly) Yes a Pig. | accuse them of cruelty to children and pigs. (To Queen) My Dear | think that conciudes the trial — Everyone is guilty of Pigamy. (Triumphantly) — Off with everyone's head — including Miss Alice — who started all the trouble in the first place. What utter rubbish you talk ~ I'm sure that is just a bad dream and you don't exist at all (Thunder and Lightening effects and suspended Playing Cards now descend as all rush around in total confusion screaming). FADE TO BLACKOUTScene Eleven This scene should represent limbo: - ‘Somewhere between Heaven and Earth! Night and Day! indeed could be done entirely in black as it’s the "Ghost Gag" Scene. Therefore needs to be spooky Enter White Rabbit. W.Rabbit: What a Kerfuffle, so much noise and shouting. Boys and Girls where do you think we are?..........-- What's that?........... Down a rabbit hole, Well that's 00d I could be on my way back home, (Mobile phone rings - he answers it) Yes it's me the White Rabbit (listens) where are you? (Listens) You're not sure. (Listens whilst taking a torch from his pocket) I've got a solution. Tur left — then right — walk on for a while and I'l fash my torch and hopefully you'll see it. (Listens) O.K. see you shortly. (Puts mobile phone in pocket whilst flashing his torch into wings — enter Dum and Dee) Dum: Phew that's taken our breath away, It smells like a Rabbits Hole. W.Rabbit: Don't be personal, or I'll turn my torch off. Dee: | don’t lke it, i's really spooky! Dum: You don't suppose it's haunted do you? W.Rabbit: (Nervously) What was that. Dee: What was what. (Ghostly grunts and moans — now echoing around) Dum: It sounds like a Ghostie. W.Rabbit: Or a Goolie cyW.Rabbit: Dee: W.Rabbit: W.Rabbit: W.Rabbit: Dee: Audience: Dee: Audience: W.Rabbit: Ihope | don't get caught by a Ghostie. ‘And | hope | don't get caught by the G... (White Rabbit and Dee put hands on Dum’s mouth Just in time) I've heard that Ghosties don't like singing, That's true. (To Dum) Well they definitely won't like yours. So if we sing itl keep the Ghosts away! That's right what shall we sing. I know we'll sing............? (Here you will need to pick a current pop tune that the audience can sing and clap along with). (Continues) If you see anything really frightening will you tell us — | didn't hear you! (Work the audience up into a frenzy but it must be controlled otherwise it can develop in chaos.) Now don't forget anything frightening you'll let us know, (They sing) ‘ (Duchess enters behind them across stage exits opposite) Was someone there Yes (Goes deliberately to wrong side) - Over here No You're telling “Porkies” there wasn’t anybody aDum: W.Rabbit: Audience: W.Rabbit: Audience: Dee: Dum: (Play them along for responses) Well we'd better have a look. (They circle the stage in single file joined by Duchess following in the rear — at no time do they see her as she exits off the side.) (All three now back centre stage) We told you there was no one there. There was (Asking) Was there? (Screaming by now) There was, There was, etc., Well - We'll have to sing it again — then. (This they do - Duchess enters across behind stopping to tap Dee on the shoulder. He turns — screams and is chased off by the Duchess. Now only Dum and White Rabbit are left. Repeat the routine again but this time it's the White Rabbit who goes. Dum thoroughly frightened at being by himself sings. Duchess enters and stands by Dum’s side without looking directly at Duchess; he runs his hand over her. She stands rocklike and silent) (To Audience) Is the Ghostie here? (They will respond by screaming back providing all parties have encouraged them! Finally Duchess confronts Dum who shrieks and exits. Duchess delighted with her success goes to exit ~ Suddenly looking off she shrieks and races across to exit on opposite side being chased by the Queen of Hearts wielding an enormous chopper.) (Scenic change of atmosphere with lighting) aAlice enters: W.Rabbit enters: Alice: W.Rabbit: Alice: W.Rabbit: Alice: Wabbit: Both Sing: W.Rabbit: Alice: W.Rabbit: Together: Tweedie Brothers: Mad Hatter: Well that was a lucky escape — | was beginning to think | would be returning home minus my head if the Queen of Hearts had her way. Hello Miss Alice — Not far to go now, before you're back home. Just turn left by the next large root and you'll see the exit behind the Willow Tree on the River Bank, where you fell asleep and dreamt about Wonderland (Puzzled) Do you mean it was only a dream? That's for you to decide. But it felt so real. Then it was — anything is possible in Wonderland. Thank you for being a friend to me. | won't forget. Nor I We'll meet again don't know where don't know when But | know we'll meet again some sunny day. Keep smiling through just like you always do. Till the blue skies chase the dark clouds far away. Will you please say hello to the folks that | know Tell them | won't be long. They'll be happy to know that as | saw you go We were singing this song We'll meet again don't know where don’t know when — but we know we'll meet again some sunny day. (They Danes together in a dreamlike state — whilst off stage voices are heard — through echo mike). Goodbye Miss Alice it was so nice to meet you, from your friends Dum and Dee. Drop in for tea anytime you're passing by.March Hare: Dormouse: Queen: King: Queen: Knave: Do it in March for you're bound to meet a Hare. And a sleepy Dormouse. Egburt — Don't forget to send Alice some of my delicious Jam tarts. {can't beloved. Why not Because I've run off with them again — Cheerio. (All now sing off stage and unseen) Keep smiling through just as you always do till the blue skies chase the dark clouds far away. Big Finish and Black Out‘Scene Twelve A Wonderland Reunion. Traditional walkdown scene with staircase if possible. Could repeat the Queens Rose Garden? This cannot be @ Wedding walkdown as Alice is only a little girl so keep the friendship theme with a suitable song to finish. i.e. “Friendship! Friendship! Just a Perfect Friendship! Or “You'll never get away from me” from the musical “Gypsy” Order of Walkdown — Bright March Music. Flower Fairies and Playing Cards Senior Chorus Knave of Hearts, Cook and Caterpillar Mad Hatter, March Hare and Dormouse The Tweedie Brothers King and Queen of Hearts The Duchess White Rabbit (escorts) Alice SPBNOAReEN= Principles in Front Line step forward for the rhyming couplets. First Mad Hatter, March Hare, Dormouse — in Unison The time has come to say Goodbye. Tweedle Brothers It's all been rather grand. King, Queen and Duchess We hope that you've enjoyed the fun. White Rabbit and Alice With Alice in Wonderland. Into final Chorus sung by full company Curtain Calls END