Emily Millington

Marcum

ERWC; Period 1

April 17, 2017

Dear Community,

In this generation, gender is now an ever changing concept. Obviously, there will be

those who oppose the idea of identifying with gender norms that are not necessarily normal for

the gender they were born with, yet there is no reason to oppose with violence or hatred. Within

the different qualities of diverse gender norms in the community, it is important that everyone

feels safe and welcome. People of any age are pushed into these rules and expectations for their

gender from their lifestyle and actions to their education and logic. Yet this hard and strict

placement of appropriate gender norms for ones biological gender, as a society, can

negatively impact those who are identifying with different gender qualities at any specific age.

The minds of children are very malleable. They grow on a very monkey see monkey do

mentality. As seen in the community, you may understand the powerful influence that one alone

can have on children. This time period is very valuable in shaping who a child is. Because of

this, it is important we teach children to respect themselves and each other, no matter the gender.

In the documentary, The Mask You Live in, its said that the one thing a boy is taught not to do

by the age of 5, is to cry. This simple request can become very detrimental to any child, by

teaching them to bottle up their emotions, for if the cry they can damage this fragile idea of
masculinity at such a young age. What parents may not also understand is the power that the

education system has on children as they spend up to 30 hours at school every week. For

example in the article Honor Code by David Brooks, schooling fails to encourage those who

have difficulty staying focus to their education, and this tends to be young boys: The education

system had become culturally cohesive, rewarding and encouraging a certain sort of

person...many of the people who dont fit in are boys. This lack of encouragement will follow

the child through their education because the system fails to realize how detrimental it is to not

push all their students to be their best, specifically the boys who do have a harder time focusing

and staying dedicated to their school work. Some parents fail to realize how simple things like

this can affect the future of their child, and how they will grow to view or respect others.

Puberty for teens can be a time period of pure confusion. During this time they believe to

be finding who they are and what their place is in society. However this can be difficult to do

with the judgement of other teens who dont agree with the lifestyle of another. For example in a

video titled phylosophe with well-known author Judith Butler, she tells a story of a boy who

was murdered because of the femininity of his walk: ..[his] walk became more...dramatically

feminine, and they ended up throwing him over a bridge and they killed him. This unnecessary

burst of violence over something as a disapproval of a walk is simply inappropriate. This can

affect those who may struggle with gender norms, and make others feel uncomfortable to be

themselves. This is very important especially as teen who are struggle to find themselves as

people. Also seen in the documentary the Mask You Live in, teacher Ashanti Branch asks a

small group of males students to participate in an activity where they write on the front of a

mask, the qualities they show others at school, and on the back of the mask, the qualities that
people cant see. Many of the boys wrote on the front of their masks how they need to be seen as

masculine and always happy , and on the back of them, all wrote how they feel pain, fear, and

sadness. Society makes these boys feel like they shouldnt feel comfortable talking about their

feelings and as a result, they bottle it up and put a front. This often causes young teenage boys to

turn to violence and drugs to repress the sadness they feel. This idea of discriminating

uncommon gender norms like sensitivity to boys or masculinity in girls, has become second

nature in society and it hurting many.

As adults are primarily a huge influence to all adolescents in our community, it is

important we limit the hate and disrespect in this age group as well. Women and men in

relationships are emotionally wrung through many trials, however we can take notice that some

of these things have started to become a bit gender specific. For example Deborah Tannen writes

in her article Cant We TalK?, that women are often too afraid to speak up in fear of creating

conflict. Now I understand why you may question how this is a gender conflict, however this

fear in women to speak p is the very thing that oppresses them as women. The lack of respect

women do receive when they try to speak their mind is the reason for their fear to do so. This

can not only negatively affect personal relationships, but also work related and public

relationships. Not only the idea of men versus women, but again the topic of sexuality according

to gender and masculinity. In a prelude to The Barbershop by Vershawn Shanti Young, Shelly

Eversley writes how in the barbershop, she feels as though her gender performance is judged

because, ... the barbershop is a masculine space, the performance of heterosexuality is the gold

standard. This meaning that in somewhere as common as the barbershop, men are in constant

competition to prove and validate their masculinity, and often homosexuality is anything BUT
masculine. Its quite discerning how a place to receive a haircut is also a place where one may

not feel welcome due to their sexual preference. Gender can be as different as an accessory one

decides to wear, and therefore can constantly change, but still needs to be respected others.

To conclude this letter, I would like to reiterate why it is important as a society to respect

everyone. Whether you are a parent, someone who struggles with gender norms, or simply an

advocate, we all need to focus on respecting others and approaching disagreements with the

courtesy of other peoples conduct. Not everyone in this community will agree with other

peoples lifestyles, but we are not a community without all aspects of diversity.