Pastor Brett:

Epiphany United E-mail: brettisernhagen@vaumc.org

Cell phone: 912-674-4935
Methodist Church

May 8, 2017 Sharing Gods Light With All People Volume 2, Issue 18

From the Publisher and the Editor

The following is a Public Service Announcement:
MOTHERS DAY IS SUNDAY, MAY 14!!!
There; youve been reminded. Again. And of course, start the day by joining the rest of us in
Sundays Service, MOTHERS DAY, MAY 14.
Another fun night is in the works, the Coffee House Open Mike Night later this month, 7:00 PM
Sunday, May 21st. Bring the family, bring friends and neighbors, or come by yourself, and share
your talent (real or imagined).
In this edition weve blended news on events that are open to all our church family (that means
everybody), and those that focus on our youth and their families. See Church Family and
Youth Group News (which includes breaking news about mice in our church who knew)
Those blessed to be parents all know they have perfect kids except when theyre not. Check out
the X Files for some insight into Joseph and Marys experiences with their young Son.

Contact us at epiphanynews@epiphanyumc.com
Lonnie Futrell, Publisher
Chuck Rushing, Editor

Sitting by the window in her convent, Sister Eulalia opened a letter from home and found a ten dollar bill
inside. As she read the letter, she caught sight of a shabbily dressed stranger leaning against a lamp post
below. Quickly she found a piece of paper, wrote Dont despair, Sister Eulalia on it and dropped it out
the window. The stranger picked it up and, with a puzzled expression and a tip of the hat, went off down
the street. The next day, Sister Eulalia was told that a man was at the door, insisting on seeing her. She
went down and found the stranger waiting. Without a word he handed her a roll of bills. Whats this?
she asked. Thats the sixty bucks you have coming. Dont Despair paid five to one.

Inside this issue:

Pastors Corner Page 2 X-Files Page 5
Committee Report - Communications Page 2 Words of Wisdom Page 6
Sebastian's Spot Page 3 The Lighter Side Page 6
Special Event Page 4 Upcoming Events Page 7

Youth Group News Page 4 Church Calendar Page 8

 Page 2

Pastors Corner
We live noisy lives. Outside there are the engine noises of passing cars and airplanes. We have
voices or music playing constantly from TVs, phones, and radios. The dog next door wont stop
barking. There are elephants living in the apartment above yours. We have conversations, meet-
ings, and even the noiseless words screaming at us from unanswered text messages and emails.
When we are finally alone with ourselves our thoughts might be racing, or we become aware of
the constant hum of lightbulbs or air conditioning units. We live noisy lives, and we find our-
selves swept up in it feeling the need to add our own noises to the mix. Case in point when an
email or text goes unanswered or even when a friend takes a break from Facebook many reach
out to them wondering if they are ok. We are judged by how well we keep up with the constant
noise of the world.
Christianity shows us another way. Throughout the centuries countless faithful have used silence
to set themselves apart from the noise of their world. Have you ever found yourself speaking
even when you had nothing really left to say? Silence is the cure. Practice silence. Go an hour, a
shift, a whole day without talking and see what you notice. It is only when we practice silence
that we can really have something worth saying. When we speak out of our silence our words
will carry more meaning. Silence can be a protest in a world defined by its constant noise. It can
be uncomfortable at first, but silence allows us to sink deep into our hearts and sink deeper into
Gods heart. Silence helps us listen. Silence gives us strength to speak with conviction the words
that need to be said. I invite you to reflect on how silence might become a part of our life as a dis-
ciple of Christ in this noisy, busy world.
Easter Blessings,
Brett

2017-2018 Church Directory by Lonnie Futrell

20172018
The deadline for submitting changes to your 2016 directory information is
TOMMOROW: Tuesday May 9, 2017.
Submit any changes to epiphanynews@epiphanyumc.com
The image to the right is the new cover design. The picture of the church that
was on the front on the 2016 directory will be on the back cover. Since the cover
re-design was an awful lot of work and very tiring, the inside pages of the di-
rectory will be blank. So you will have to fill those in yourself.
(continued on page 3)
 Page 3

(cont)
Or maybe I am kidding and there will be names and addresses from the 2016 directory, any of
which MAY BE WRONG. What if this is the last Epiphany church directory ever published?!
Do you want your address and email to be wrong for all time before the Lord and all of man-
kind? Act before it is too late my friends, there is still time to save your soul!
Whew, okay maybe I got a little carried away. Perhaps your salvation does not depend on the
accuracy of Epiphanys directory information. But what if it does? Take no chances. Send in
your corrections NOW.

Sebastians Spot
Hey, Kids!

All of the Easter candy is officially gone! I ate the last of the Reeses Eggs last week, and Pastor
Brett was not very happy at all about it. I say he needs to learn to share, but thats just me. I miss
Easter, and it seems like the sky is sad too, because it keeps raining all the time!

Now I dont like getting wet. I hate rain. I hate baths. I am afraid of puddles. I dont like it when
Pastor Brett turns the shower on. I am even very suspicious of the dish washer because it sounds
like a bathtub sometimes. You can never be too safe When its raining I dont want to go out-
side, but Im trying to not let it get me down. Have you ever looked out the window when its
raining? It can be really beautiful! I love watching the wind blow the rain around, and I love
how all the flowers seem prettier after the rain. I even saw rainbows last week, lots of them!

All this reminds me that even when things get gloomy and I feel sad or I cant do the things I like
to do (like go outside) there are still pretty things all around me. I can look at them and remem-
ber that God is with me, even when it rains or lightnings or thunders! Isnt that wonderful? I
may be afraid of puddles, but sometimes I really do like to watch the rain.

Love you all!

Sebastian
 Page 4

Coffee House: Sunday, May 21, starting at 7:00 PM

This is an All Church Event! Well have an open microphone for all who want to share their
gifts and talents! Open to young, old, and in between; with or without kids; church members,
friends, neighbors, and visitors. Grab your harmonica, perform a zany skit and come for fun!
Bring a dessert to share. There will be a surprise guest performer that you will NOT want to
miss.

Church Family &

Youth Group News
May 21, 11:00 AM Church Mice Ministry - During church we will reveal our Church Mice to
our college students! During this school year volunteers from our congregation (our Church
Mice) adopted our college students (kind of like a Secret Santa) and sent them notes of
encouragement and an occasional care package to remind them that we love them. We hope that
all Church Mice and participating College Students will be able to attend so they can be part of
the big reveal.

May 21, 7:00 PM Coffee House A special CHALLENGE TO OUR YOUTH to show us your
stuff at this Church Family event! Tell a joke, perform a skit, sing a song or play an instrument.
YOU CAN DO IT!!! Bring parents, siblings, grandparents and friends! No talent performers
are also welcome

June 11, 11:00 AM Youth Sunday The Children and Youth of Epiphany will lead our entire
Sunday morning service. We hope that all families will be able to attend so that we can celebrate
our Youth as they lead us in worship together. This is always one of our best Sundays at
Epiphany, I cant wait to see what our kids have in store for us.

June 11, 6:00 PM Family Night Dinner and fellowship for families with kids of all ages
toddlers to teenagers! Well meet at 6 pm for dinner (entre provided by church, please bring a
side dish or dessert to share) then well break into age groups for Youth Group meetings, and
Parent/Young Adult fellowship led by Janet and Steve Thompson (a Nursery will be provided
for children up to third grade). Our first event was a great success, and our second event
promises to be a lot of fun. Please join us!
June 25, 7:30 PM End of School Celebration Come celebrate the end of school with us!
Well have smores around a campfire outside (in front of the church). This is an easy, come as
you are event. Bring parents, siblings and friends anyone up for a parents versus kids kickball
game?
 Page 5

- Files
By Pastor Brett

Todays question is this: did Jesus ever get into any kid-type trouble when he was growing up, and if so
how and by whom was he disciplined?
It depends on what you read. In the four gospels we find in our bibles today, we only get a few
snapshots of Jesus between his birth and the beginning of his public ministry around the age of
30. We get to see the Magi visit him when he is probably around 2-ish, and then Luke shows him
at age 12 debating with rabbis in the Temple. That story leaves off with the verse, Jesus in-
creased in wisdom and years, and in divine and human favor. (Luke 2:52 NRSV) Going from
what we have here it would seem that Jesus gave his parents a scare but not the kind of trouble
that might require discipline.
But when we look outside the bible things get really interesting! The Infancy Gospel of Thomas
(not to be confused with another book called the Gospel of Thomas) is a collection of stories
about the child Jesus growing up and learning to grapple with his miraculous powers and use
them for good, kind of like a normal coming of age story except that the child in question is Je-
sus. In these stories Jesus is quite the little trouble maker. He upsets the neighborhood by mak-
ing clay pigeons with the rest of the children, except that Jesus sculptures end up alive and can
fly away. He also strikes a kid dead in the street for running and bumping into him, and raises
his friend from the dead after he falls off a roof just to testify that Jesus did not push him. The
neighborhood parents come to Joseph several times and demand that he get his kid in line or
leave, and Joseph in turn pleads with Jesus who (as anyone who has tried to reason with a
moody child can guess) was not exactly cooperative. Through the course of the book Jesus learns
to use his powers to help his parents instead of just serving his own needs and desires.
The first quote from this text comes from the year 185, and because it borrows the Temple story
from Luke the earliest it could have been written is probably 80-ish, around the time that Luke
was written. Most scholars place its authorship in the form that we have it around the mid-2nd
century. The oldest surviving copy of this gospel dates to the 13th century, and we have no way
of knowing how far back the stories themselves go as oral tradition. So here we have a book
written around the time of the rest of the New Testament but which never appears in any of the
different lists of texts early church leaders were recommending and which ultimately never
made it into the New Testament. However, its survival implies its general popularity. Is it to be
believed? Are some of the stories based in fact? Would a fully-human Jesus have to grow into his
fully-divine abilities? We may not know for certain, but this is an excellent area for reflection on
what exactly Christs humanness could mean!
The Infancy Gospel of Thomas can be found online easily, or you could borrow Pastor Bretts
copy. Just ask!
Have a particular question about recent events or our United Methodist Church in particular?
Feel free to reach out to Pastor Brett! Your question can be answered here, or privately if you
prefer.
 Page 6

from George P. Burdell (*)

A Mothers Love
Your arms were always open when I needed a hug. Your heart understood when I needed a
friend. Your gentle eyes were stern when I needed a lesson. Your strength and love have
guided me and gave me wings to fly. Sarah Malin

(*) George P. Burdell is a fictitious Georgia Tech student, first enrolled in 1927 as a student prank. Since then
George P. has earned every degree offered by Georgia Tech and has even been recognized for his military
service. So in his honor, we will publish in this space Words of Wisdom submitted by any member of our
congregation, where we can post words, thoughts, quotes, prose, or poetry that we may wish to pass along. Please
try to keep it short. Contributors will be identified only upon their personal request. Otherwise, credit will go to
George P. Please submit your contribution to epiphanynews@epiphanyumc.com with the subject Words
of Wisdom.

The Lighter Side by John L. Burdell(*)

"My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it."
Mark Twain

(*) John L. Burdell is believed to be George's lesser known younger brother who struggled mightily at Georgia Tech
and, in fact, never got a degree, but had an interesting way of looking at life.
Believing all voices deserve to be heard, we offer this space in John L. Burdells honor where our members can pass
along lighter words and thoughts that may not ever appear in a sermon, but help us to keep life in perspective.
Please submit your contribution to epiphanynews@epiphanyumc.com with the subject The Lighter Side. If you
prefer to remain anonymous, John will be happy to take credit for your work.

A real estate agent spent six months showing homes to a young couple, and at last found two that they
liked enough to buy. They viewed both houses several times trying to decide between them. Finally, after
a long tour of one house, they advised the agent that they would purchase the other house. Out of curiosity,
the agent asked how they had reached their decision. I was standing in the family room, the young wom-
an explained, and I asked God to give me a sign. Right then and there, a plane came zooming over on its
flight path to the airport, and I knew this wasnt the house for us.

Now how many of you would like to go to Heaven? asked the Sunday School teacher. All of the eager
four year olds raised their hands, except Tommy. Im sorry, I cant, Tommy said with a sob, my moth-
er told me to come right home after Sunday School.

One first grade student to another at recess: My mother says her prayers every night - she always says
THANK GOD as soon as Ive gone to bed.
 Page 7

Sunday May 21, 2017

Family Coffee House (Open Mike) - 7:00 PM

Sunday, June 11, 2017

Youth Sunday Service11:00 AM
Family Night 6:00 PM

Sunday, June 25, 2017

End of School Celebration7:30 PM

 We serve our community and the world by nurturing and
Epiphany UMC making disciples of Jesus Christ through worship, study,
fellowship, evangelism and mission Page 8

1014 Country Club Drive NE Email: office@epiphanyumc.com

Vienna, VA 22180 Website: www.EpiphanyUMC.com
Phone: 703-938-3494 Facebook: www.Facebook.com/EpiphanyUMC

Sunday May 7, 2017

Adult Sunday School: 10:00 AM10:45 AM
Worship Service: 11:00 AM12:00 PM
Worship Committee: 12:15 PM 1:30 PM
Monday May 8, 2017
Jam Session: 6:00 PM 7:00 PM
Church Council: 7:30 PM 8:30 PM
Tuesday May 9, 2017
Spice Up Your Spiritual Life: 7:30 PM 8:30 PM
Wednesday May 10, 2017
Bible Study: 11:00 AM12:00 PM
Thursday May 11, 2017
Prayer Circle: 12:30 PM 1:30 PM

Sunday May 14, 2017

Adult Sunday School: 10:00 AM10:45 AM
Worship Service (Mothers Day): 11:00 AM12:00 PM
Monday May 15, 2017
Jam Session: 6:00 PM 7:00 PM
Tuesday May 16, 2017
Spice Up Your Spiritual Life: 7:30 PM 8:30 PM
Wednesday May 17, 2017
Bible Study: 11:00 AM12:00 PM
Thursday May 18, 2017
Prayer Circle: 12:30 PM 1:30 PM

Sunday May 21, 2017

Adult Sunday School: 10:00 AM10:45 AM
Family Sunday Service (*): 11:00 AM12:00 PM

(*) Children will remain with their families during the service.