FEATURE:

JUNE
Whats Goin On?
WHATS Things to do
Answering Strangers'
Questions about
BOREDOM
BUSTERS
INSIDE: and see nearby.
PAGE 2
Adoption
PAGE 3
PAGE 5
2017
R E S O U R C E S , N E W S & I N F O R M AT I O N F O R A D O P T I V E FA M I L I E S I N T E H A M A C O U N T Y

THIS SUNDAY THIS SUNDAY THIS SUNDAY THIS SUNDAY THIS SUNDAY

FAMILY BOWLING EVENT

SUNDAY, JUNE 11, 1-3 PM
AT LARIAT BOWL IN RED BLUFF

YOU SHOULD COME!!!!

FREE and open to all Adoptive Families
and families who have completed Adoptive Placement

Closed Center with Bowling, Mini-Golf, and Pool

Tables at no cost to families.
Pizza and Soda will also be served at
no cost to families.

This event brought to you by:

Tehama County Permanency Team.

SEE YOU THERE!!

Together on Purpose June 2017 1
WHATS GOIN ON?
JUNE 2017
FAMILY
BOWLING EVENT
THIS SUNDAY
JUNE 11, 1-3 PM
AT LARIAT BOWL IN RED BLUFF
FREE and open to all Adoptive Families
and families who have completed Adoptive Placement
This event brought
to you by:
Tehama County
Permanency Team.
13 bFetal Alcohol Spectrum
Disorder Group (FASD) (Chico)
Tuesday, June 13, 9:30-11:30AM, Lilliput
Childrens Services, 289 Rio Lindo Ave.
Chico. Marji Thomas, MA, CCC is facilitating
this new support group, focusing on
Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder. The
FASD Support Group will provide general
information, resources, referral information
and provide a supportive circle for you and
your family. Please join us every month for
this new and informative support group.
For more information, contact Alice McKee,
MSW- 530.828.8731 AMcKee@Lilliput.org
20 bTogether on Purpose Network
& Resource Group
Tuesday, June 20, 3:30 - 4:30PM
Alternatives to Violence Counseling Center,
20 Antelope Blvd., Red Bluff (on the corner
of Antelope Blvd. & Rio St., in the same
complex as the Copy Center). Come meet
with professional therapist Scott Howell,
MFTI and other Tehama County adoptive
families for support, networking and
resource sharing. Free childcare provided
on-site. All adoptive families welcome. For
more information, call 530-727-9423 or
email acurry@atvrb.org. We look forward to
seeing you there!
2 An Alternatives to Violence Project
An Alternatives to made possible
Violence
project, madeapossible
JULY 2017
11 bFetal Alcohol Spectrum
Disorder Group (FASD) (Chico)
Tuesday, July 11, 9:30-11:30AM, Lilliput
Childrens Services, 289 Rio Lindo Ave.
Chico. Marji Thomas, MA, CCC is facilitating
this new support group, focusing on
Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder. The
FASD Support Group will provide general
information, resources, referral information
and provide a supportive circle for you and
your family. Please join us every month for
this new and informative support group.
For more information, contact Alice McKee,
MSW- 530.828.8731 AMcKee@Lilliput.org
18 bTogether on Purpose Network
& Resource Group
Tuesday, July 18, 3:30 - 4:30PM
Alternatives to Violence Counseling Center,
20 Antelope Blvd., Red Bluff (on the corner
of Antelope Blvd. & Rio St., in the same
complex as the Copy Center). Come meet
with professional therapist Scott Howell,
MFTI and other Tehama County adoptive
families for support, networking and
resource sharing. Free childcare provided
on-site. All adoptive families welcome. For
more information, call 530-727-9423 or
email acurry@atvrb.org. We look forward to
seeing you there!
Farmer's Markets
Red Bluff:
Saturday Morinings, June 3 to September
30 from 7:30AM-Noon at Red Bluff City Park
and Wednesday Evenings, June 7 to August
23 from 5-8PM, Downtown Red Bluff at
Washington and Pine Streets.
Redding:
Saturday Morinings, April 1 to December 16
from 7:30AM-Noon at Redding City Hall, 777
Cypress Ave.
Anderson:
Thursday Morinings, May 25 to October 13
from 7:30AM-1PM at Factory Outlets
Chico:
Saturday Morinings, year-round from
7:30AM-1PM at the Downtown Chico
Municipal Parking Lot and Thursday
Evenings, April 6 - September 28 from 6-9PM
on Broadway between 2nd & 5th Streets.
through
collaboration with
through the Tehama
partnership
with
16TH ANNUAL
Coming
Events &
Activities
CAMP
ALWAYS
JUNE 19 - 23, 2017
Held at Mt. Cross in Ben Lomond, CA in
the beautiful coastal redwood forest of
the Santa Cruz Mountains, Camp ALWAYS
is an award-winning Adoptive Family camp
that features lodging, meals, workshops
and respite for parents, children's
activities and FAMILY FUN!
For questions or rate information, contact
camp@Lilliput.org or 916-678-7254
Registration forms available April 1st at
www.lilliput.org.
More Resources
for Adoptive
Families:
Support Groups:
Yuba, Sutter, Colusa, Glenn Counties
For Support Groups held in Yreka,
Mt. Shasta, Orland or Sacramento contact
Leslie Damschoder at 530.879.3861
Butte County Post Adoptive Services
Support Group, Drop in Assistance, WRAP
Family Support Group ... For info, call Miko:
530-209-0817, Heather: 916-475-7198 or
Deborah: 530-896-1920
Education:
Sierra Forever Families
Seminars on topics like Attachment,
Understanding Poverty, Understanding
Trauma, and more. Leslie Damschoder
530.879.3861
The Attach Place
Center for Strengthening Relationships
3406 American River Drive, Suite D
Sacramento, CA 95864
ce@attachplace.com (916) 403-0588
County
Department
the Tehama CountyofPermanency
Social Services
Team.
Answering Strangers Questions
About Adoption
When we adopt a child who looks
different from us, we generally feel
we can handle the stares and loss of
privacy that go with the territory. We
may find, however, that the frequent
questions and comments of strangers
and relatives sometimes annoy and
worry us. At the heart of our anger and
anxiety is the fear that our adopted child
will be hurt by thoughtless questions,
or that their older siblings, who look
less exotic, will feel neglected, but this
need not happen.
It is reassuring to realize that even
seemingly insensitive questions are
nearly always well intentioned, and that
they actually provide AN EXCELLENT
OPPORTUNITY TO EXPRESS OUR
DELIGHT AND PRIDE in our adopted
children (as well as in their siblings
who were born to us). The attention
that our children receive is generally
very positive, even when the inquirers
choice of words is not ideal.
Our answers to questions about a
foreign-born child should also include
any bio-kids who are present:
Q. Where did you get this dear
little one? Where is she from?
A: She was born in Korea, and her
brother here was born in Albany.
(Most people will pick up on your
inclusion of the older child and
start including him, too, if you
furnish answers about both to
EACH question asked about the
adopted child.)
We can start early to practice answers
that will AFFIRM THE CHILDREN,
preparing for the day when they will be
old enough to understand:
Together on Purpose June 2017
by Deborah McCurdy, MSW
Reprinted with permission from www.rainbowkids.org
Q: Isnt she a lucky little girl?
What wonderful people you are!
A: Were the lucky ones, to have
such a wonderful child!
Q. And do you also have children
of your own?
A: Just these two. (This affirms
adopted kids as our own.)
Q. Are they REAL brother and
sister?
A: They are NOW! (This clarifies
that adoption makes us a real
family.)
Q. How could the mother have
given up such a lovely child?
A: It was very hard for the
birthmother, but she just couldnt
take care of ANY baby. (This
reassures the child that there was
nothing wrong with him or her.)
Q. What do you know about the
real parents?
A: Well, were his real parents,
actually, since were bringing him
up.
Q. Oh, of course--I meant the
natural parents.
A: We dont know very much about
the birthparents. How have you
been? How was your summer?
In nearly all cases, the questions reflect
pleasure and delight in our families,
and they can generally be answered
very briefly and cheerfully, with a smile.
If you are out shopping, it is fairly easy
to avoid prolonging the discussion by
saying, Bye, now! and moving from
the peaches to the potatoes. If we are
trapped into a longer conversation in a
supermarket line or in a social situation
(and the children are old enough to
understand what is said), we have
several options:
Give a constructive response, then
change the subject.
Answer with, Im glad youre interested
in adoption. Let me give you my phone
number and we can talk later. Can you
call me tonight?
Give at oblique answer, rather than a
direct one, if it seems a direct answer
to a particular question would be
awkward for us, the questioner, or the
children:
Q. Do you have any pictures of
his parents?
A: Oh, yes, weve got albums of
our whole family.
In a pinch,
humor can
save the day.
Responses such as the above can
gently educate others, especially if said
with a smile. BUT WE ARE ANSWERING
PRIMARILY FOR OUR CHILDRENS
EARS. In the few seconds that we have
to prepare our response, we need
to make a quick decision as to what
words will best support our childs
self-esteem, protect the childs privacy
about his origins, and/or clarify that
adoption builds real families with
their own children. (The
3 possible
An Alternatives to Violence Project made
right answers come more quickly with
practice.) Until more people learn the
modern vocabulary of birth parents
and children by birth were bound
to be asked occasional seemingly
insensitive questions about the childs
real parents and our own children.
I believe that the fault is really in our
outdated language more than in the
person asking an awkward question.
True, some people are not as sensitive
as they might be, but usually they have
a genuine interest and we would rather
not embarrass them (and risk making
things worse). We can generally find
a gracious answer that will affirm the
child without sounding critical of the
person asking the question.
The key to a successful response is one
that we can say in a friendly, matter-of-
fact voice, without showing impatience
or anger. It is easier to avoid annoyance
with questions and remarks if we
remember that ...
(1) we have chosen to build a
family in a way that inevitably
attracts attention but may help
other children to be adopted, and
(2) the children neednt be hurt by
others questions and remarks if
we respond appropriately.
An angry or rude retort on our part
(even when it seems justified)
is much more likely to cause our
child distress and anxiety than anything
a stranger, friend, or relative might say.
It could signal to the child that there is
something upsetting to us about him
or his adoption. In a pinch, humor can
save the day:
Q. Are you babysitting?
A: No time for that, now that I
have these two of my own!
Q. Whose little darlings are
these?
A: Ours! We adopted the big boys
from Korea, and the two-year-
4 An Alternatives to Violence Project
An Alternatives to made possible
Violence
old is homemade. (Some of us
may find it helpful to volunteer
all this information to forestall
a subsequent question about
whether the child who matches
us is our own.)
There are times when we may need to
let a particular comment pass and help
our child to understand it later. Recently
my husband and I were entertaining
one of his important clients, and our
Colombian-born son was present. The
client remarked that she had friends
who had adopted two Korean children
and later had had two children of
their own. It seemed best not to risk
offending the woman by correcting her
choice of words.. The next day I asked
our son it he had been bothered by the
remark, explaining it as a problem in
our language. He replied that he hadnt
minded it at all. I felt reassured that
whatever damage might be done by
others is within my power to assess,
The key to a successful
response is one that we can say
in a friendly, matter-of-fact
voice, without showing
impatience or anger.
and to repair if necessary.
This incident was also a reminder to me
that our kids are often more resilient
than we imagine when it comes to
weathering an occasional unfortunate
remark. In our early discussions with
our children about birth parents, we
can explain that real parents are
actually people who are bringing up
children who are THEIR OWN by birth
or adoption, and that many people are
confused about this. This point should
ideally be made before kindergarten,
where other children may question
our children about their real parents
through
project, madeapossible
collaboration with
through
partnership
when were not there to explain that
THATS WHO WE ARE!
If we are upset by the frequency of
well-intentioned friendly remarks, we
can ask ourselves why this is so. Are
we naturally rather private people who
feel we werent sufficiently warned by
our agency or friends that a loss of
anonymity is almost inevitable when
our child is of a different race? Are
we simply tired of explaining to new
people, feeling that somehow they
should know the answers that weve
given to so many others? Is it painful to
be reminded so often of our infertility
by questions that focus on the fact our
child is different? Agencies stand ready
to assist us with any post-finalization
problems we may have, and adoptive
parent support groups can help as well.
Although we may not always feel
comfortable about having our family
the center of so much attention,
the situation certainly does have its
benefits. For one thing, the subject
of adoption comes up naturally on
many occasions, so we develop
comfort in discussing adoption in
our childrens presence even before
they understand the concept. Also,
the encounters give us frequent
opportunities to say positive,
supportive things about our children
(and about adoption) within their
hearing. Some people have observed
that adopted children who do not
resemble their families often tend to
feel more positive about their adoption
than those who match their adoptive
parents. This is presumably because
the fact of adoption is so obvious that
the subject has necessarily been an
open one from the time of the childs
arrival. It is something the child has
always known, rather than a subject to
be breached someday with trepidation
as a potentially shocking fact of life.
Deborah McCurdy, MSW, is Adoption Supervisor
at Beacon Adoption Center in Great Barrington,
MA. She is also an adoptive mother.
the Tehama
County
with Department
the Tehama CountyofPermanency
Social Services
Team.
arch

BOREDOM BUSTERS
Y P C

O I O
J A U

G Y S

N D D

G V N

Summertime Word Search

M E E

P P I Can YOU
W S R
Complete P K G V S P L Q V M V K J K T
this See if you
Y X F

Z X E can A A E V T W H A J M A C I E F
S B U Picture? find them
all!
T W V L M G C W Y V M S D G S
Y D U H C A H M O P Q I A U R
X W L
C Q U R T I T Q K A S H N N A
ove? Draw a face I Y O I T L S P S T B S X M Y
and a tail on SWIMMING H T O D L F T P U H H K G C S
OR the cat! J N S B P J W O O I X M P Q W
ROADTRIP
TIC-TAC-TOE SUNSHINE
N G E N U E R G N P Y K I Y I
Z O D N N J T E I V L F R Q M
POPSICLE Y Z S X W H A D X X K P T O M

M BUSTERS
OUTSIDE C H M L D U L H F Y D L D R I
L V A L X S L O G E M A A F N
G H P A H D O N U J Q Y O S G
R B H Y O Y P Z V W R M R H M

Dots-n-Boxes
Instructions: Each player takes it in turns to draw a line that joins two dots, either horizontally
or vertically. The dots must be adjacent (no skipping over any dots!). When a player completes
a whole box, he or she gets to put his or her inital or mark in the box. When the whole grid is
Wait, what?
filled with boxes, the person who has made the most boxes wins! How many answers can you guess?

A. When do you go at red

and stop at green?
B. What does the sun drink out of?
C. What did the ocean say
to the sailboat?
D. Why do bananas use sunscreen?
E. What is as big as an elephant
but weighs nothing?
C.Nothing, it just waved!; D. Because they peel!; E. Its Shadow!
Answers: A. When you're eating a watermelon!; B.Sunglasses!;

7 possible through a collaboration with the Tehama County Department of Social Se

An Alternatives to Violence Project made

Together on Purpose June 2017 5 possible

An Alternatives to Violence Project made
 An Alternatives to Violence Project made possible through a collaboration with the Tehama County Department of Social Services

JUNE
2017
R E S O U R C E S , N E W S & I N F O R M AT I O N F O R A D O P T I V E FA M I L I E S I N T E H A M A C O U N T Y

THIS SUNDAY THIS SUNDAY THIS SUNDAY THIS SUNDAY THIS SUNDAY

FAMILY BOWLING EVENT

SUNDAY, JUNE 11, 1-3 PM
AT LARIAT BOWL IN RED BLUFF

YOU SHOULD COME!!!!

FREE and open to all Adoptive Families
and families who have completed Adoptive Placement

Closed Center with Bowling, Mini-Golf, and Pool

Tables at no cost to families.
Pizza and Soda will also be served at
no cost to families.

This event brought to you by:

Tehama County Permanency Team.

SEE YOU THERE!! 1805 Walnut Street Red Bluff, California 96080
Alternatives to Violence