6/16/12 Happiness is a glass half empty | Oliver Burkeman | Life and style | The Guardian

Happinessisaglasshalfempty
Bepositive,lookonthebrightside,stayfocusedonsuccess:so
goesourmodernmantra.Butperhapsthetruepathto
contentmentistolearntobealoser

OliverBurkeman
guardian.co.uk,Friday15June201223.00BST

Arewemaybejustlookingforhappinessinthewrongway?Photograph:AaronTilleyforthe
Guardian

InanunremarkablebusinessparkoutsidethecityofAnnArbor,inMichigan,standsa
poignantmemorialtohumanity'sshattereddreams.Itdoesn'tlooklikethatfromthe
outside,though.Evenwhenyougetinsidewhichmembersofthepublicrarelydoit
takesafewmomentsforyoureyestoadjusttowhatyou'reseeing.Itappearstobea
vastandhaphazardlyorganisedsupermarketalongeveryaisle,greymetalshelvesare
crammedwiththousandsofpackagesoffoodandhouseholdproducts.Thereis
somethingunusuallycacophonousaboutthedisplays,andsoonenoughyouworkout
thereason:unlikeinarealsupermarket,thereisonlyoneofeachitem.Andyouwon't
findmanyoftheminarealsupermarketanyway:theyarefailures,productswithdrawn
fromsaleafterafewweeksormonths,becausealmostnobodywantedtobuythem.In
theproductdesignbusiness,thestorehouseoperatedbyacompanycalledGfK
CustomResearchNorthAmericahasacquiredanickname:theMuseumofFailed
Products.

TheAntidote: Thisisconsumercapitalism'sgraveyardtheshadowsidetothe
Happinessfor relentlesslyupbeat,successfocusedcultureofmodern
PeopleWhoCan't
StandPositive marketing.Ortoputitlessgrandly:it'salmostcertainlythe
Thinking onlyplaceontheplanetwhereyou'llfindClairol'sATouchof
byOliverBurkeman
YogurtshampooalongsideGillette'sequallyunpopularForOily
HairOnly,afewfeetfromanowemptybottleofPepsiAM
BreakfastCola(born1989died1990).Themuseumishometo
discontinuedbrandsofcaffeinatedbeertoTVdinnersbranded
withthelogoofthetoothpastemanufacturerColgatetoself
heatingsoupcansthathadaregrettabletendencytoexplodein
customers'facesandtopacketsofbreathmintsthathadtobe
withdrawnfromsalebecausetheylookedlikethetinypackages
ofcrackcocainedispensedbyAmerica'sstreetdrugdealers.Itis
wheremicrowaveablescrambledeggsprescrambledandsold
Buyitfromthe inacardboardtubewithapopupmechanismforeasier
Guardianbookshop
consumptioninthecargotodie.
SearchtheGuardian
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6/16/12 Happiness is a glass half empty | Oliver Burkeman | Life and style | The Guardian
bookshop ThereisaJapaneseterm,mononoaware,thattranslates
roughlyas"thepathosofthings":itcapturesakindof
Search bittersweetmelancholyatlife'simpermanencethatadditional
Telluswhatyou beautyimpartedtocherryblossoms,say,orhumanfeatures,asa
think:Starrateand
reviewthisbook resultoftheirinevitablyfleetingtimeonEarth.It'sonly
stretchingtheconceptslightlytosuggestthatthisishowthe
museum'sproprietor,anunderstatedlystylishGfKemployee
namedCarolSherry,feelsaboutthecartonsofMorningBananaJuiceinhercare,or
aboutFortuneSnookies,ashortlivedlineoffortunecookiesfordogs.Everyfailure,
thewaysheseesit,embodiesitsownsadstoryonthepartofdesigners,marketersand
salespeople.Itisneverfarfromhermindthatrealpeoplehadtheirmortgages,their
carpaymentsandtheirfamilyholidaysridingonthesuccessofproductssuchasA
TouchofYogurt.

"Ifeelreallysorryforthedeveloperonthisone,"Sherrysays,indicatingthebreath
mintsthatinadvertentlyresembledcrack."Imean,I'vemettheguy.Whywouldhe
everhavespentanytimeonthestreets,inthedrugculture?"Sheshakesherhead.
"Thesearerealpeoplewhosincerelywanttodotheirbest,andthen,well,things
happen."

TheMuseumof
FailedProductsconsumercapitalismsveryowngraveyard.Photograph:KellyK
Jones
TheMuseumofFailedProductswasitselfakindofaccident,albeitahappierone.Its
creator,anowretiredmarketingmannamedRobertMcMath,merelyintendedto
accumulatea"referencelibrary"ofconsumerproducts,notfailuresperse.Andso,
startinginthe1960s,hebeganpurchasingandpreservingasampleofeverynewitem
hecouldfind.Soon,thecollectionoutgrewhisofficeinupstateNewYorkandhewas
forcedtomoveintoaconvertedgranarytoaccommodateitlater,GfKboughthimout,
movingthewholelottoMichigan.WhatMcMathhadn'ttakenintoaccountwasthe
threewordtruththatwastoprovethemakingofhiscareer:"Mostproductsfail."
Accordingtosomeestimates,thefailurerateisashighas90%.Simplybycollecting
newproductsindiscriminately,McMathhadensuredthathishoardwouldcometo
consistoverwhelminglyofunsuccessfulones.

Byfarthemoststrikingthingaboutthemuseum,though,isthatitshouldexistasa
viable,profitmakingbusinessinthefirstplace.Youmighthaveassumedthatany
consumerproductmanufacturerworthyofthenamewouldhaveitsownsuch
collectionacarefullystewardedresourcetohelpitavoidmakingerrorsitsrivalshad
alreadymade.YettheexecutiveswhoarriveeveryweekatSherry'sdoorareevidence
ofhowrarelythishappens.Productdevelopersaresofocusedontheirnexthopedfor
successsounwillingtoinvesttimeorenergythinkingabouttheirindustry'spast
failuresthattheyonlybelatedlyrealisehowmuchtheyneedtoaccessGfK's
collection.Mostsurprisingofallisthatmanyofthedesignerswhohavefoundtheir
waytothemuseumhavecometheretoexamineorbeensurprisedtodiscover
productsthattheirowncompanieshadcreated,thenabandoned.Theywereapparently
soaversetodwellingontheunpleasantbusinessoffailurethattheyhadneglected
eventokeepsamplesoftheirowndisasters.

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6/16/12 Happiness is a glass half empty | Oliver Burkeman | Life and style | The Guardian
Failureiseverywhere.It'sjustthatmostofthetimewe'dratheravoidconfrontingthat
fact.

Behindallofthemostpopularmodernapproachestohappinessandsuccessisthe
simplephilosophyoffocusingonthingsgoingright.Buteversincethefirst
philosophersofancientGreeceandRome,adissentingperspectivehasproposedthe
opposite:thatit'sourrelentlessefforttofeelhappy,ortoachievecertaingoals,thatis
preciselywhatmakesusmiserableandsabotagesourplans.Andthatitisourconstant
questtoeliminateortoignorethenegativeinsecurity,uncertainty,failure,sadness
thatcausesustofeelsoinsecure,anxious,uncertainorunhappyinthefirstplace.

Yetthisconclusiondoesnothavetobedepressing.Instead,itpointstoanalternative
approach:a"negativepath"tohappinessthatentailstakingaradicallydifferentstance
towardsthosethingsmostofusspendourlivestryinghardtoavoid.Thisinvolves
learningtoenjoyuncertainty,embracinginsecurityandbecomingfamiliarwithfailure.
Inordertobetrulyhappy,itturnsout,wemightactuallyneedtobewillingto
experiencemorenegativeemotionsor,attheveryleast,tostoprunningquiteso
hardfromthem.

Intheworldofselfhelp,themostovertexpressionofourobsessionwithoptimismis
thetechniqueknownas"positivevisualisation":mentallypicturethingsturningout
well,thereasoninggoes,andthey'refarmorelikelytodoso.Indeed,atendencyto
lookonthebrightsidemaybesointertwinedwithhumansurvivalthatevolutionhas
skewedusthatway.Inherbook,TheOptimismBias,theneuroscientistTaliSharot
compilesgrowingevidencethatawellfunctioningmindmaybebuiltsoastoperceive
theoddsofthingsgoingwellasgreaterthantheyreallyare.Nondepressedpeople,
researchsuggests,generallyhavealessaccurateandoverlyoptimisticgraspoftheir
trueabilitytoinfluenceeventsthandothosewhoaresufferingfromdepression.

Yetthereareproblemswiththisoutlook,asidefromjustfeelingdisappointedwhen
thingsdon'tturnoutwell.Overthelastfewyears,theGermanbornpsychologist
GabrieleOettingenandhercolleagueshaveconstructedaseriesofexperiments
designedtounearththetruthabout"positivefantasiesaboutthefuture".Theresults
arestriking:spendingtimeandenergyfocusingonhowwellthingscouldgo,ithas
emerged,actuallyreducesmostpeople'smotivationtoachievethem.Experimental
subjectswhowereencouragedtothinkabouthowtheyweregoingtohavea
particularlyhighachievingweekatwork,forexample,endedupachievingless.Inone
ingeniousexperiment,Oettingenhadparticipantsrenderedmildlydehydrated.Then
someweretakenthroughanexercisethatinvolvedvisualisingdrinkinganicy,
refreshingglassofwater,whileotherstookpartinadifferentexercise.Thewater
visualisersexperiencedasignificantreductionintheirenergylevels,asmeasuredby
bloodpressure.Farfrombecomingmoremotivatedtohydratethemselves,people
respondedtopositivevisualisationbyrelaxing.Theyseemed,subconsciously,tohave
confusedimaginingsuccesswithhavingalreadyachievedit.

Itdoesn'tnecessarilyfollow,ofcourse,thatitwouldbeabetterideatoswitchto
negativevisualisationinstead.Yetthatispreciselyoneoftheconclusionsthatemerges
fromStoicism,aschoolofphilosophythatoriginatedinAthensafewyearsafterthe
deathofAristotle,andthatcametodominatewesternthinkingabouthappinessfor
nearlyfivecenturies.

FortheStoics,theidealstateofmindwastranquilitynottheexcitablecheerthat
positivethinkersusuallyseemtomeanwhentheyusetheword"happiness".And
tranquilitywastobeachievednotbychasingafterenjoyableexperiences,butby
cultivatingakindofcalmindifferencetowardsone'scircumstances.Onewaytodothis,
theStoicsargued,wasbyturningtowardsnegativeemotionsandexperiences:not
shunningthem,butexaminingthemcloselyinstead.

Mostofus,theStoicspointout,gothroughlifeunderthedelusionthatitiscertain
people,situationsoreventsthatmakeussad,anxiousorangry.Whenyou'reirritated
byacolleagueatthenextdeskwhowon'tstoptalking,younaturallyassumethatthe

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6/16/12 Happiness is a glass half empty | Oliver Burkeman | Life and style | The Guardian
colleagueisthesourceoftheirritationwhenyouhearthatabelovedrelativeisilland
feelpainedforthem,itmakessensetothinkoftheillnessasthesourceofthepain.
Lookcloselyatyourexperience,though,saytheStoics,andyou'llbeforcedtoconclude
thatneitheroftheseexternaleventsis"negative"initself.Indeed,nothingoutside
yourownmindcanproperlybedescribedasnegativeorpositiveatall:whatactually
causessufferingarethebeliefsyouholdaboutthosethings.Thecolleagueisnot
irritatingperse,butbecauseofyourbeliefthatgettingyourworkfinishedwithout
interruptionisanimportantgoal.Evenarelative'sillnessisonlybadinviewofyour
beliefthatit'sagoodthingforyourrelativesnottobeill.Millionsofpeople,afterall,
getilleverydaywehavenobeliefswhatsoeveraboutmostofthem,andconsequently
don'tfeeldistressed.

Forpositivethinkers,thiswouldbeanargumentfortryingtoreplaceyourdistress
causingbeliefswithupbeatones.Butwhenthinkingaboutthefuture,Stoicssuchas
Senecaoftencounselledactivelydwellingonworstcasescenariosinsteadstaring
themintheface.Notonlydoesceaselessoptimismmakeforagreatershockwhen
thingsgowrong(andtheywill)imaginingtheworstalsobringsitsownbenefits.
Psychologistshavelongagreedthatoneofthegreatestenemiesofhumanhappinessis
"hedonicadaptation"thepredictableandfrustratingwayinwhichanynewsourceof
pleasureweobtain,whetherit'sasminorasanewelectronicgadgetorasmajorasa
marriage,swiftlygetsrelegatedtothebackdropofourlives:wegrowaccustomedtoit,
anditceasestodeliversomuchjoy.Itfollows,then,thatregularlyremindingyourself
thatyoumightloseanyofthethingsyoucurrentlyenjoycanreversetheadaptation
effect.Thinkingaboutthepossibilityoflosingsomethingyouvalueshiftsitfrom
thebackdropofyourlifebacktocentrestage,whereitcandeliverpleasureoncemore.

Thesecond,subtlerandarguablymorepowerfulbenefitofthiskindofnegative
thinkingisasanantidotetoanxiety.Considerhowwenormallyseektoassuage
worriesaboutthefuture:weseekreassurance,lookingtopersuadeourselvesthat
everythingwillbeallrightintheend.Butreassuranceisadoubleedgedsword.Inthe
shortterm,itcanbewonderful,butlikeallformsofoptimism,itrequiresconstant
maintenance:offerreassurancetoafriendwhoisinthegripofanxiety,andyou'lloften
findthat,afewdayslater,he'llbebackformore.Worse,reassurancecanactually
exacerbateanxiety:whenyoureassureyourfriendthattheworstcasescenariohe
fearsprobablywon'toccur,youinadvertentlyreinforcehisbeliefthatitwould
becatastrophicifitdid.Youaretighteningthecoilofhisanxiety,notlooseningit.

Alltoooften,theStoicsnote,thingswillnotturnoutforthebest.Butitisalsotrue
that,whentheydogowrong,they'llalmostcertainlygolesswrongthanyoufeared.
Losingyourjobisunlikelytocondemnyoutostarvationanddeathlosinga
relationshipwon'tcondemnyoutoalifeofunrelentingmisery.Thosefearsarebased
onirrationaljudgmentsaboutthefuture.Theworstthingaboutanyfutureevent,the
StoicinfluencedpsychologistAlbertEllisusedtosay,"isusuallyyourexaggerated
beliefinitshorror".Spendtimevividlyimaginingexactlyhowwrongthingscouldgoin
reality,andyou'lloftenturnbottomless,nebulousfearsintofiniteandmanageable
ones.Happinessreachedviapositivethinkingisfleetingandbrittlenegative
visualisationgeneratesavastlymoredependablecalm.

Thebreakfastyou

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6/16/12 Happiness is a glass half empty | Oliver Burkeman | Life and style | The Guardian
weresparedmicrowaveablescrambledeggsattheMuseumofFailedProductsinAnn
Arbor,Michigan.Photograph:KellyKJones
BackattheMuseumofFailedProducts,itisn'thardtoimaginehowanotherdownside
ofthepositivethinkingcultureanaversiontoconfrontingfailuremighthavebeen
responsiblefortheveryexistenceofmanyoftheproductsliningitsshelves.Eachone
musthavemadeitthroughaseriesofmeetingsatwhichnobodyrealisedthatthe
productwasdoomed.Perhapsnobodywantedtocontemplatetheprospectoffailure
perhapssomeonedid,butdidn'twanttobringitupfordiscussion.Eveniftheyrealise
wherethingsareheaded,there'saperverseincentiveformarketerstoploughmore
moneyintoalemon:thatway,theycanforcesomesalesandpreservetheirdignity.By
thetimethetruthbecomesobvious,theoriginaldeveloperswillhavemovedtoother
products,orotherfirms.Littleenergywillhavebeeninvestedindiscoveringwhat
wentwrongeveryoneinvolvedwillhaveconspired,perhapswithoutrealisingwhat
they'redoing,nevertospeakofitagain.

Anotherproblemwithourreluctancetothinkaboutoranalysefailurewhetherour
ownorotherpeople'sisthatitleadstoanutterlydistortedpictureofthecausesof
success.Bookshopsarestuffedwithautobiographicalvolumessuchastheonereleased
in2006bythemultimillionairepublisherFelixDennis,entitledHowToGetRich:The
DistilledWisdomOfOneOfBritain'sWealthiestSelfMadeEntrepreneurs.It'san
entertainingread,conveyingasimilarmessagetomanyoftheothers:thattomakea
fortunewhatyouneedisstubbornnessandawillingnesstotakerisks.Butresearchby
theOxfordmanagementtheoristJerkerDenrellsuggeststhatthesearejustaslikelyto
bethecharacteristicsofextremelyunsuccessfulpeople,too.It'sjustthatthefailures
don'twritebooks.Yourarelyseeautobiographiesofpeoplewhotookrisksthatthen
didn'tworkout.

Fortunately,developingahealthierapproachtofailuremaybeeasierthanyou'dthink.
TheworkoftheStanfordUniversitypsychologistCarolDwecksuggeststhatour
experiencesoffailureareinfluencedoverwhelminglybythebeliefsweholdaboutthe
natureoftalentandabilityandthatwecan,perhapsquitestraightforwardly,nudge
ourselvestowardsabetteroutlook.Eachofuscanbeplacedsomewhereona
continuum,Dweckargues,dependingonour"implicitview"orunspokenattitude
aboutwhattalentisandwhereitcomesfrom.Thosewitha"fixedtheory"assumethat
abilityisinnatethosewithan"incrementaltheory"believethatitevolvesthrough
challengeandhardwork.Ifyou'rethekindofpersonwhostrivesmightilytoavoidthe
experienceoffailure,it'slikelythatyouresidenearthe"fixed"endofDweck's
continuum.Fixedtheorypeopleapproachchallengesasoccasionsonwhichtheyare
calledupontodemonstratetheirinnateabilities,andsotheyfindfailureespecially
horrifying:tothem,it'sasignthattheytriedtoshowhowgoodtheyare,butdidn't
measureup.Theclassicexampleistheyoungsportsstarencouragedtothinkof
himselfasa"natural"butwhothenfailstoputinsufficientpracticetorealisehis
potential.Iftalentisinnate,hisunspokenreasoninggoes,thenwhybother?

Incrementaltheorypeoplearedifferent.Becausetheythinkofabilitiesasemerging
throughtacklingchallenges,theexperienceoffailurehasacompletelydifferent
meaningforthem:it'sevidencethattheyarestretchingthemselvestotheircurrent
limits.Iftheyweren't,theywouldn'tfail.Therelevantanalogyhereiswithweight
training:musclesgrowbybeingpushedtothelimitsoftheircurrentcapacity,where
fibrestearandreheal.Amongweightlifters,"trainingtofailure"isn'tanadmissionof
defeatit'sastrategy.

Happily,Dweck'sstudiesindicatethatwearenotsaddledforlifewithonemindset
ratherthananother.Somepeoplemanagetoaltertheiroutlooksimplybybeing
introducedtothefixedversusincrementaldistinction.Alternatively,it'sworthtrying
torecallitnexttimefailurestrikes:nexttimeyouflunkanexam,ormishandleasocial
situation,considerthatit'shappeningonlybecauseyou'repushingatthelimitsofyour
presentabilities.Andshouldyouwishtoencourageanincrementaloutlookinyour
children,Dweckadvises,takecaretopraisethemfortheireffort,ratherthantheir
intelligence:focusingonthelatterislikelytoexacerbateafixedmindset,makingthem

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6/16/12 Happiness is a glass half empty | Oliver Burkeman | Life and style | The Guardian
morereluctanttoriskencounteringfailureinthefuture.Theincrementalmindsetis
theonemorelikelytoleadtosustainablesuccess.Butthedeeperpointisthat
possessinganincrementaloutlookisahappierwaytobe,whetherornotitleadsto
anyoutstandingsuccess.Itisawinwinproposition,forwhichtheonlypreconditionis
aheartfeltwillingnesstolose.

Perhapsnobody
wantedtocontemplatetheprospectoftheseproductsfailing.Photograph:KellyK
Jones
Thegurusofpositivityandoptimismcan'tbeartocontemplatethattheremightbe
happinesstobefoundinembracingfailureasfailure,notonlyasatechniquefor
achievingsuccess.But,astheZeninfluencedwriterNatalieGoldbergargues,thereis
anopennessandhonestyinfailure,adowntoearthconfrontationwithrealitythatcan
seemlackingatthehigheraltitudesofsuccess.Perfectionismisoneofthosetraitsthat
manypeopleseemsecretly,ornotsosecretly,proudtopossess,sinceithardlyseems
likeacharacterflaw.Yet,atbottom,itisafeardrivenstrivingtoavoidtheexperience
offailureatallcosts.Attheextremes,itisanexhaustingandpermanentlystressful
waytolive:thereisagreatercorrelationbetweenperfectionismandsuicide,
researchershavefound,thanbetweenfeelingsofhopelessnessandsuicide.Tofully
embracetheexperienceoffailure,notmerelytotolerateitasasteppingstonetoglory,
istoabandonthisconstantstrainingnevertoputafootwrongandtorelax.

ThisisaneditedextractfromTheAntidote:HappinessForPeopleWhoCan'tStand
PositiveThinking,byOliverBurkeman,publishednextweekbyCanongateat15.To
orderacopyfor12,includingmainlandUKp&p,gotoguardianbookshop.co.uk.
OliverBurkemanwillbespeakinginEdinburghon23June.Tobookgoto
canongate.tv/talks

Comments
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Outofthebluu Recommend?(26)
16June201212:06AM
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I'veinstalledanadblocker,butsomepiecespassunnoticed. Report
Link

ekul1984 Recommend?(5)
16June201212:13AM
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HaveyoubeencontactedbyRoyHodgsonandtheFA? Report
Link

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6/16/12 Happiness is a glass half empty | Oliver Burkeman | Life and style | The Guardian
nocod Recommend?(27)
16June201212:30AM
Responses(0)

Meandaclosefrienddiscussedthisatlengthonedayand Report
decidedonalifelongequilibrial'myglasswashalfempty'and Link
'hiswasaglasshalffull'.
Foralloftwoseconds,whenmymateadded,"yes,butmyglass
issomuchbiggerthanyours".

UnderminingOrthodoxy Recommend?(21)
16June201212:30AM
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ThisisaneditedextractfromTheAntidote: Report
HappinessForPeopleWhoCan'tStandPositive Link
Thinking,byOliverBurkeman,publishednextweek
byCanongateat15.Toorderacopyfor12,
includingmainlandUKp&p,goto
guardianbookshop.co.uk.

IthinkI'lljustvisitthatmuseumandaskifIcanhaveareadof
theircopy.
>>

honeycomb42 Recommend?(30)
16June201212:34AM
Responses(1)

Wonderfularticle.It'salmostBudhistinit'scalmandprofound Report
fatalism. Link

caramel10 Recommend?(18)
16June201212:35AM
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Wouldn'titbegreatifwewereallsubscribedtotheincremental Report
view?Maybeweshouldbeeducatedtoholdthisviewpush Link
yourself(fantastic,whatweshouldallbedoing)butifyoufail
it'snotdevastating,infactyouarepushingyourselftothelimit
(soitwasboundtohappen)!

Benulek Recommend?(21)
16June201212:44AM
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Itdoesn'tmatteriftheglassishalfemptyorhalffull.It'sall Report
goingtoevaporateanyway. Link

Thesubhuman Recommend?(9)
16June201212:51AM
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Lowexpectationshavebeenthesecretofmyfailure.And Report
equally,mysuccess. Link

Bettong Recommend?(6)
16June201212:59AM
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Oneman's'winner'isanother'scautionarytaleofalifewasted. Report

Getagrippeople. Link

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6/16/12 Happiness is a glass half empty | Oliver Burkeman | Life and style | The Guardian
Kynismos Recommend?(26)
16June20121:03AM
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Whethertheglassishalfemptyorhalffulldependsonwhether Report
you'reemptyingitorfillingit.There.That'sonelessweightoff Link
everyone'smind,isn'tit?Youcanthankmelater.

Jackanapes Recommend?(13)
16June20121:04AM
Responses(1)

I'vebeenaloserallmylife,andI'mokaywithit.Ilearnedlong Report
agothatyouhavetobe,orelsebeunhappy.NotthatI'mhappy. Link
ButI'mcoping.

serac Recommend?(8)
16June20121:04AM
Responses(1)

I'mnottoosureaboutembracingfailure,thoughIdobelievein Report
tryingtoseethe"biggerpicture".Lifeisfullofallmannerof Link
experiencesandweshouldtrytotaketheroughwiththe
smoothandacceptthembothaspartoflife.AsKiplingsaid:

"IfyoucanmeetwithTriumphandDisaster
Andtreatthosetwoimpostorsjustthesame....."
"
Wetendtoimaginewe'reatthecentreoftheuniverseand
everythingishappeningto"US".So,allthetimewe'rethinking
"me","me"..."whyme?"....Thewayweconstructmeaning,as
DavidFosterWallacepointsoutis"amatterofpersonal,
intentionalchoice".Ifwecanmanagetograspthesignificanceof
this,wemightbeabletodosomethingaboutit.

Kynismos Recommend?(17)
16June20121:08AM
Responses(1)

Responsetoserac,16June20121:04AM Report

Wetendtoimaginewe'reatthecentreofthe Link
universeandeverythingishappeningto"US".So,all
thetimewe'rethinking"me","me"..."why
me?"....Thewayweconstructmeaning,asDavid
FosterWallacepointsoutis"amatterofpersonal,
intentionalchoice".Ifwecanmanagetograspthe
significanceofthis,wemightbeabletodo
somethingaboutit.

Notthegotoguyforadviceonhowtobehappythough,ishe?

Rantalot Recommend?(14)
16June20121:34AM
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Theglassisalwaysfull,halfwaterhalfair. Report
Link

serac Recommend?(2)
16June20121:39AM
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ResponsetoKynismos,16June20121:08AM Report

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6/16/12 Happiness is a glass half empty | Oliver Burkeman | Life and style | The Guardian
It'sratherglibtosuggesthemighthavewantedtogiveus Link
"adviceonhowtobehappy".Thefactthathecommittedsuicide
aftermanyyearsofsufferingfromseveredepressiondoesn't
meanwecan'tlearnfromhislegacy.

benw10 Recommend?(11)
16June20122:03AM
Responses(0)

myglassisalwayshalfempty,allthebetterwhenofferedatop Report
uporafreshglass.nooneoffersyoumoreifyourglassishalf Link
full.

twopennorth Recommend?(17)
16June20122:07AM
Responses(1)

whatactuallycausessufferingarethebeliefsyou Report
holdaboutthosethings Link
Exactly.Ournotionsaboutwhatconstitutefailureandsuccess
arealsobeliefs.Soisournotionoftime:Webelievethereisa
future.(GodknowswhyIhaveneverseenanyevidencefor
this.)Isn'tabigpartofourproblemthatsomuchofouractivity
isgoaloriented?Wearestrivingtoattainsomefuture,
imaginedsuccessratherthandoingthingsfortheloveofit.
Whenyouactfromlove,failureandsuccessareofverylittle
importance.

victoriamin Recommend?(6)
16June20122:14AM
Responses(1)

PersonallyIamanegativethinker,andfromthisIsufferfrom Report
periodsofdepression.However,Ifailtoseethepointinbeing Link
permanentlyoptimisticorpositivebecauseofwhenfailure
occursafterreassurancesandaftereffortbecauseitwouldbe
moredistraughtespeciallywhenoptimismfeedsalmostfantasy
andidealism.MaybeImusedtobeingletdown,Idontmake
manyexpectationsofthingsinlifebutdomybestandalways
trymyhardestinsituations.Overalljustberealisticaboutlife.

victoriamin Recommend?(2)
16June20122:15AM
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Responsetotwopennorth,16June20122:07AM Report

Iagree.IthinkinfactIhavesomestrangenegativeideaofthe Link
future,thatbadthingswillhappenthatareinevitable,sowhen
somethinggooddoeshappenitjustbrightensupthedaytbh.

HoarseRadish Recommend?(8)
16June20122:21AM
Responses(0)

"Alternatively,it'sworthtryingtorecallitnexttimefailure Report
strikes:nexttimeyouflunkanexam,ormishandleasocial Link
situation,considerthatit'shappeningonlybecauseyou're
pushingatthelimitsofyourpresentabilities."

Maybeyouflunkedtheexambecauseofarealreason.For
instance,youdidn'tstudyenoughorwereill.

Maybeyoumishandledasocialsituationbecauseofa
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6/16/12 Happiness is a glass half empty | Oliver Burkeman | Life and style | The Guardian
personalitytraitthathascausedyouproblemsbeforeandneeds
tobeacknowledgedandworkedon.

"God,grantmetheserenitytoacceptthethingsIcannotchange,
CouragetochangethethingsIcan,
Andwisdomtoknowthedifference."

HoarseRadish Recommend?(5)
16June20122:27AM
Responses(0)

Responsetovictoriamin,16June20122:14AM Report

Iamsimilarbutgoastepfurther.Itendtobedefensiveand Link
hypervigiliantalwaysonthelookoutforwarningsignsof
threatorattack.

Thenicepartaboutbeingapessimististhatyouareconstantly
beingeitherprovenrightorpleasantlysurprised.GeorgeF.
Will,TheLevelingWind

Bettong Recommend?(2)
16June20122:31AM
Responses(0)

ResponsetoJackanapes,16June20121:04AM Report

"I'vebeenaloserallmylife"Whatatabsolutelyeverything?By Link
who'sstandards?

Isitjustaboutmoney?Howsad.

PanderingToMoanium Recommend?(7)
16June20122:57AM
Responses(0)

"SinceInolongerexpectanythingfrommankindexcept Report
madness,meanness,andmendacityegotism,cowardice,and Link
selfdelusion,Ihavestoppedbeingamisanthrope."
~IrvingLayton

alexnapierholland Recommend?(5)
16June20122:59AM
Responses(0)

WhilstthemessagesofeveryproathleteandnotableCEOI Report
haveeverstudiedsharethesameplethoraofadvocationfor Link
positivethoughtandindeedthispractiseseemstobedelivering
decentresultsasIspeak,itseemslogicaltocontinue.

Thedistinctionbetweenincrementalandfixeddistinctioncited
iskeythough.Critically,incrementalistheonlylogical
conclusionofanyonewhohasengagedmeaningfullyinbusiness
andathletics.Naturaltalentisvastlyoverrated.

AssoonasIreadaboutanyone,anywhere,whohasachieve
anythingsignificantthatsays"YeahI'vejustgotgreatgenetics
anditwaseasy",thenperhapsI'llgivethatperspectivesome
considerationithasn'thappenedyet.

myfellowprisoners Recommend?(11)
16June20123:25AM
Responses(0)

Glasshalfemptyorglasshalffull,itdoesn'tmatter.They Report
pouredmethewrongdrink. Link

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6/16/12 Happiness is a glass half empty | Oliver Burkeman | Life and style | The Guardian

farfrom Recommend?(10)
16June20123:42AM
Responses(0)

Cheeruptheysaid,thingscouldbeworse,SoIcheeredup,and Report
sureenoughthingsgotworse. Link

tufsoft Recommend?(3)
16June20123:57AM
Responses(0)

why Report
havetobehuman,and,shunningDestiny, Link
longforDestiny?
Notbecausehappinessreally
exists,thatprecipitateprofitofimminentloss.
notoutofcuriosity,notjusttopractisetheheart,
thatcouldstillbethereinlaurel.
Butbecausebeinghereismuch,andbecauseallthis
thatshere,sofleeting,seemstorequireusand
strangely
concernsus.Usthemostfleetingofall.

RIlke(trJBLeishman)

Bodhisatva Recommend?(5)
16June20124:51AM
Responses(0)

Responsetohoneycomb42,16June201212:34AM Report

Honey.Buddhismhasnotruckwithfatalism,butratherpoints Link
outthathowwewillbeinthefuturedependsonhowweact
now,it'sallinourownhands

TheStoicswereontherighttackontherighttrackbylooking
forthetranquilmind,ratherthenseekingouthappinessasa
goalHappiness,asadesiredstateisdelusion,alldualities,such
ashappinessandsadness,aretobeavoided,fortheyare
transitoryandfleetingstates.Liberationfromsufferingcomes
aboutonceweletgoofalldesirestobeanythingatall,wejust
abideinthepureandclearstatethatisourtruenature,whichis
atpresenttuckedawayundertheclutterofeverydaymind

Similarly,blamingoutsideeventsorsituationsforour
predicamentorourunhappinessonlyengendersmoresuffering
onourpart.Wehavedefiniteopinionsaboutthewaythingsare
andshouldbe.Thisisprojection.Weprojectourversionof
thingsontowhatisthere,thenwebecomecompletelyimmersed
inaworldofourowncreation.

Bluestone Recommend?(12)
16June20125:14AM
Responses(1)

ResponsetoRantalot,16June20121:34AM Report

TheStoryoftheTaoistFarmer Link

AmannamedSeiWengownedabeautifulmarewhichwas
praisedfarandwide.Onedaythisbeautifulhorsedisappeared.
ThepeopleofhisvillageofferedsympathytoSeiWengforhis
greatmisfortune.SeiWengsaidsimply,"That'sthewayitis."

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6/16/12 Happiness is a glass half empty | Oliver Burkeman | Life and style | The Guardian
Afewdayslaterthelostmarereturned,followedbyabeautiful
wildstallion.ThevillagecongratulatedSeiWengforhisgood
fortune.Hesaid,"That'sthewayitis."

Sometimelater,SeiWeng'sonlyson,whileridingthestallion,
felloffandbrokehisleg.Thevillagepeopleonceagain
expressedtheirsympathyatSeiWeng'smisfortune.SeiWeng
againsaid,"That'sthewayitis."

Soonthereafter,warbrokeoutandalltheyoungmenofthe
villageexceptSeiWeng'slamesonweredraftedandwerekilled
inbattle.ThevillagepeoplewereamazedasSeiWeng'sgood
luck.Hissonwastheonlyyoungmanleftaliveinthevillage.
ButSeiWengkepthissameattitude:despitealltheturmoil,
gainsandlosses,hegavethesamereply,"That'sthewayitis."

GrahamJX Recommend?(1)
16June20125:28AM
Responses(0)

Justafewpointsforconsideration... Report
Link
Positivethinkingandvisualisationofdesiredoutcomesarenot
thesame.Positivethinkingisastateofmindwhichmight
possiblyleadonetounderestimate,andthereforenotplanfor,
thingsthatmightgowrong.Visualisationcanalsohaveits
downsideinthatitcanleadonetobelievethattheoutcomehas
alreadybeenachievedandthereforelesseffortisputintothe
reallifesituation.
However,experienceinNLPandsportspsychologysuggests
thatitdependsonthewayonevisualises.If,inyour
visualisation,youseeyourselfthenyouaredisassociated,likea
flyonthewallobservingapossiblefuture.
Alternatively,thevisualisationmighthaveyouassociatedwhere
youdon'tseeyourselfandareexperiencingthingsatfirsthand
asiftheywerealreadyhappening.Itisthiskindofvisualisation
whichis,perhaps,goingtoleadtoreducedratherthanenhanced
motivation.

AgainfromNLPandsportspsychologyisthepreceptthatthere
isnosuchthingasfailure,onlyfeedback.

Asfortheglass,perhapsitishalffullofvodkaandthereisjust
enoughspaceforiceandcrushedlimes.

ytrewq Recommend?(4)
16June20125:32AM
Responses(0)

Shithappens. Report
Link

VixB Recommend?(3)
16June20125:50AM
Responses(0)

Idontgetsuccess.Andthenwhat?Nowwork,thatIget.And Report
thenyoudie.IhopeIcanworkuntiljustafewminutesbeforeI Link
go,thatsalifewellspent,Ithink.

Recommend?(2)

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6/16/12 Happiness is a glass half empty | Oliver Burkeman | Life and style | The Guardian
BeulahB Responses(0)
16June20126:02AM
Report

Ihavegotbyformyentirelifeonthefollowing:"Hopeforthe Link
bestandpreparefortheworst"

BeulahB Recommend?(6)
16June20126:07AM
Responses(0)

ResponsetoBluestone,16June20125:14AM Report

Or,asVonnegutsaid"Soitgoes" Link

Nickji Recommend?(2)
16June20126:17AM
Responses(0)

Neitheraloser Report
norawinnerme, Link
Ijustbe.

Zwoman48 Recommend?(2)
16June20126:24AM
Responses(0)

Isthiswhatthey'reofferingnowinsteadofbenefits? Report
Link

alciabides Recommend?(5)
16June20126:28AM
Responses(0)

WillCameron,Osborne&CleggendupintheMuseumof Report
Losers? Link

ICouldntPossiblySay Recommend?(1)
16June20126:30AM
Responses(0)

Ittakesallkindstomakeaworld.However.Nevergetina Report
relationship,orworkonateam,whichisn'tbalancedbetween Link
pessimistandoptimist.I'mjustsayin'....

Byronbabe Recommend?(3)
16June20126:49AM
Responses(0)

AsalifelongpessimistIhavealongtrackrecordofimagining Report
theworst. Link
ThosecinefilmscenesthatrunthroughmyheadasI
contemplatewhydaughterhasn'tansweredhermobilephone
aretrulymagnificentandvaried.However,Ikeepthemto
myself,andmydemeanourisoneofcalmstoicism.
MaybeIshouldhavebeenborninAncientGreeceafterall,
ratherthanlivinghereinthepresentchaos!
Wearealldoomed!

daniellewis789 Recommend?(3)
16June20126:52AM
Responses(0)

GreatArticle! Report
verythoughtful... Link

www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2012/jun/15/happiness-is-being-a-loser-burkeman 13/16
6/16/12 Happiness is a glass half empty | Oliver Burkeman | Life and style | The Guardian
Ihavediscoveredgrowingolderthateveryoneisaloserin
someway,soit'sbetternottogetbeatupaboutit.
theoldsayingringstrue...
"nomatterhowgoodyouareatsomethingetc./thereisalways
someonebetterthanyou"

ithinkpeopleshouldjustenjoywhattheyhave

techet Recommend?(1)
16June20126:55AM
Responses(0)

Bookshopsarestuffedwithautobiographical Report
volumessuchastheonereleasedin2006bythe Link
multimillionairepublisherFelixDennis,entitled
HowToGetRich:TheDistilledWisdomOfOneOf
Britain'sWealthiestSelfMadeEntrepreneurs.It'san
entertainingread,conveyingasimilarmessageto
manyoftheothers:thattomakeafortunewhatyou
needisstubbornnessandawillingnesstotakerisks.
ButresearchbytheOxfordmanagementtheorist
JerkerDenrellsuggeststhatthesearejustaslikely
tobethecharacteristicsofextremelyunsuccessful
people,too.It'sjustthatthefailuresdon'twrite
books.Yourarelyseeautobiographiesofpeoplewho
tookrisksthatthendidn'tworkout.

I'veactuallybeenreadingthatbookrecently.Itisentertaining,
butIthinkhetakesmajorpainstopointoutthatstubbornness
andwillingnesstotakerisksisn't'allyouneed.Youneedto
workreallyhard,beadeptatgettingmoneyfrominvestors,and
becomfortablecuttingbackinyourlifestylefortheshortterm.

Anyway,thefailuresmightnotwritebooksbuttheirfailureis
rarelysoabysmalthattheyendupinworsesituationsthanthe
onetheywereinbeforemakingtheattempt.Whichis,formost
people,alifetimeofwageslavery.

daniellewis789 Recommend?(0)
16June20127:02AM
Responses(0)

GreatArticle! Report
verythoughtful... Link
Ihavediscoveredgrowingolderthateveryoneisaloserin
someway,soit'sbetternottogetbeatupaboutit.
theoldsayingringstrue...
"nomatterhowgoodyouareatsomethingetc./thereisalways
someonebetterthanyou"

ithinkpeopleshouldjustenjoywhattheyhave.

daniellewis789 Recommend?(0)
16June20127:04AM
Responses(0)

sorryfordoublepost! Report
Link

VSLVSL Recommend?(1)
16June20127:17AM
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Report
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6/16/12 Happiness is a glass half empty | Oliver Burkeman | Life and style | The Guardian
Whethertheglassishalfemptyorhalffulldependsonwho's Link
beenpissinginit.

godforbidowright Recommend?(0)
16June20127:26AM
Responses(0)

sowho'supformovingintoabarrelthen? Report
Link

godforbidowright Recommend?(0)
16June20127:33AM
Responses(1)

Ithinkapointworthnotingiswhatwedefinesuccessfailureas. Report
Wearefragile,finite,limitedbeings,whomifwejudgedfailure Link
byourinabilitytomovehugeboulderswithourbearhands,
wouldperpetuallyfail.

robinaldlowrise Recommend?(0)
16June20127:34AM
Responses(0)

I'veonlygothalfaglass.Thetophalf. Report
Link

23122818 Recommend?(0)
16June20127:35AM
Responses(0)

AsthegreatDoctorJohnsonobserved,"Nothingismore Report
hopelessthanaschemeofmerriment". Link

OwainJones Recommend?(0)
16June20127:56AM
Responses(0)

Inherbook,TheOptimismBias,theneuroscientist Report
TaliSharotcompilesgrowingevidencethatawell Link
functioningmindmaybebuiltsoastoperceivethe
oddsofthingsgoingwellasgreaterthantheyreally
are.Nondepressedpeople,researchsuggests,
generallyhavealessaccurateandoverlyoptimistic
graspoftheirtrueabilitytoinfluenceeventsthando
thosewhoaresufferingfromdepression.

solittleconsiderationgiventothissmallnuggetofinformation
whilstthebulkofthepieceisdrivenbythesoftsciences.

Stillaninterestingarticle,especiallytheadviceaboutpraising
childrenfortheireffortratherthantheirintelligence.

spacky Recommend?(3)
16June20127:57AM
Responses(0)

Theaveragepencilissevenincheslong,withjustahalfinch Report
eraserincaseyouthoughtoptimismwasdead.~RobertBrault Link
Maybetheglassishalfempty,maybeit'shalffull,butitdoesn't
changethefactthatit'sstillhalfaglassofwater,andmaybehalf
aglassofwaterisenough.

I'mnotrichbywesternstandards,councilflatetc,butIhavea
roofovermyhead,enoughfoodtoeat,Ihavemyhealth.
Everythingelseisabonus.I'vehadajobwhereIearned2grand
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6/16/12 Happiness is a glass half empty | Oliver Burkeman | Life and style | The Guardian
amonth,companycar,businesslunchesandallthat.I'vealso
livedonaverytightbudgetbackpackinginNewZealandoften
sleepingoutunderthestarstosavemoneyonyouthhostelsand
hotels.Iwasmuchhappierbackpackingthanbeinga
businessman.Successisdifferentthingstodifferentpeople,
TonyBlairhadamassivepersonnelsuccesswhenhemanagedto
takeBritaintowar.Butitwasamassivefailurefordemocracy.
Democracyisasuccessforthecommonmanbutafailurefora
dictator.

Somypointistheglassisnothalfemptyofhalffullitisjust
halfaglassofwater.

Openforcomments.SigninorcreateyourGuardianaccounttojointhediscussion.

2012GuardianNewsandMediaLimitedoritsaffiliatedcompanies.Allrightsreserved.

www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2012/jun/15/happiness-is-being-a-loser-burkeman 16/16