Deconstructing

Humanity
The INTJ Guide to Understanding & Embracing Normal People
Table of Contents

Introduction ............................................................................................................................................ 2
Part One Normal People ...................................................................................................................... 3
What does it mean to be Normal? .................................................................................................. 4
The World through the Eyes of the Sensor ......................................................................................... 5
Sensors vs. Intuitives: Whats the Big Difference? ............................................................................. 6
The Realist and the Dreamer .............................................................................................................. 7
Part Two The Social Intuitive ............................................................................................................... 9
Embrace your Uniqueness ................................................................................................................ 10
Find your Inner Confidence............................................................................................................... 11
Building Relationships ....................................................................................................................... 12
Acceptance........................................................................................................................................ 13
Go Forth and Conquer ...................................................................................................................... 14
References ............................................................................................................................................ 16

1
 Introduction
Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom.
Mastering others is strength; mastering yourself is true power.
Lao Tzu, INTJ

As an INTJ you may find yourself having difficulty navigating the world through the eyes of other
people. Who are these other people, you ask? Everyone who doesnt fit into the INTJ mold
academically and curiosity driven, scientifically educated, perfectionistic, and perhaps a bit on the
socially awkward side. The latter characteristic is one that many INTJs find to be problematic, as they
are unsure how to blend in with society and function as a member of the group, rather than as an
independent entity.

This is the issue being addressed, and if you are reading this it is likely something that you are having
some trouble with yourself. Based on our own research, as well as other professionals in the field of
Personality Theory and Human Development, feeling like an outsider is the most frequent struggle
of the INTJ and the one thing about their lives that they would like to change.

Due to their fact- and function-based thought process, the INTJ is unsure how to socialize with
others; this applies to business as well as pleasure. INTJs spend most of their life and time focused
on learning about the world, though not necessarily the social aspect of humanity.

What are some common traits of the INTJ to consider in moving forward with studying the social
model of society? First of all, the INTJ feels unique because they are only 1% of women and 3% of
men fall into this category. These individuals see the world as a puzzle that needs to be solved and
can always be improved upon. They thirst for answers and are exceedingly confident in the
knowledge they have amassed.

While the INTJ may not agree with the opinion of others due to their confidence in their own
knowledge, they do respect and enjoy a well-researched debate.

Due to the analytical approach that the INTJ takes with regard to life, they tend to isolate from
others and greatly enjoy being alone with their own thoughts. Part of this is because the INTJ does
not enjoy small talk or forced socialization. In social situations the INTJ may come across as
insensitive or disinterested which may cause them to feel uncomfortable around others. The INTJ
knows that others view them as different even if they cannot put their finger on why.

Chances are, you identify with the above characteristics and struggles. How can this book help you
to navigate humanity when you feel you dont understand, or have anything in common with,
others? It is written by those who understand you and who have overcome the obstacles to
integrate into society through an exploration of Human Development and Behavior Analysis. If you
are interested in achieving this same feat, please continue on this journey.

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Part One
Normal People

3
 What does it mean to be Normal?

Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom. Mastering others is strength;
mastering yourself is true power.
Lao Tzu, INTJ

The main reason that INTJs are so unique is because of the N Intuition versus the Sensing of
others. Of course we all possess the ability to be intuitive and sensing to a point, but the vast
majority of people are sensors. So lets break down the main differences between sensors and those
who are more intuitive.

The main difference between sensors and intuitives is that sensors are very realistic and fact-based,
while intuitives are dreamers. A sensor very much relies on his five senses to read the moment,
while an intuitive takes the information presented and weaves a complex web of conception to
determine what that information could evolve into.

Sensors are people who gather all of the facts and formulate an outcome on face-value, whereas
someone who is more intuitive will think abstractly i.e. I have all of this information, now what
does it mean and what can I do with it? Nothing is ever taken at face-value for someone who leads
with intuition; there are always further possibilities than what lies on the surface.

Chances are, you know many sensors in your life many more sensors than intuitives. Sensors can
be introverted, but are much more comfortable in crowds of people than intuitives due to their
ability to quickly take in their surroundings and think on their feet. An intuitive person will absorb
what is happening around him, but will constantly be analyzing everything and imagining
interactions and outcomes which may be anxiety-provoking.

A sensor is someone you see in a group of people, engaging in conversation and easily getting along
with others. Because of the sensors ability to live in the moment they can fit in easily with other
people and can have seamless conversation. In comparison, an intuitive lives in their own mind
much of the time and thus finds it difficult to stay engaged in conversation, or in their surroundings.
Because of this, an intuitive person is more likely to have awkward, forced conversation which may
make them feel anxious.

Another social benefit to being a sensor is that they easily memorize things within their
environment, which makes it very easy to pick up on social clues and to remember information that
is shared with them. Have you ever had someone who remembers some seemingly obscure detail
about your life that you dont even remember mentioning? This is the difference between sensors
and intuitives; it seems trivial to you, but nothing is trivial to a sensor as they recall detail easily.

Does this sound familiar? These are the normal people around you, whom you may envy for their
ability to form relationships so easily and naturally. A large portion of the population does not use
their imagination or their abstract-thinking capability in everyday life, thus their mind is open to
other opportunities. For the abnormal folks like INTJs, the world is full of possibilities that live
within their own mind and this takes up a lot of concentration and time.

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 The World through the Eyes of the Sensor

Deep in the human unconscious is a pervasive need for a logical universe that makes sense.
But the real universe is always one step beyond logic.
Frank Herbert, INTJ

So you know what a sensor is and how they process information, but what does this mean for the
world as a whole? The sensor is the constant, reliable presence that implements innovations and
creates homeostasis. This is in comparison to the intuitive, who is trailblazer of innovation and often
creates chaos just to see what it brings.

In a sensors life, there is stressed importance on familial relationships, sentimental dates, upholding
traditions, and spreading cultural norms throughout generations. A sensor is a tangible being who
needs to see to believe, and who is very conscious of the feelings of others.

In a social setting, a sensor will be aware of the actions of others and of how others may perceive
them. A sensor values the opinions of others, and is likely concerned with how others view them. For
an intuitive, these thoughts would not even cross his mind; he would not even wonder what another
person thought of him because it is of little importance.

A sensor views the world in a very concrete and linear fashion. When presenting a concept, a sensor
has a distinct beginning that follows a precise step-by-step pattern until the distinct end point.
Because of this very literal interpretation of the world, a sensor will often be very organized and
follow a schedule from day-to-day.

A sensor will gather all possible information before reaching a conclusion or making a decision.
While an intuitive may want to gather the same information, it is often for alternate meaning. A
sensor may want solar panels on a home because of the cost savings on electricity, while an intuitive
may want solar panels for the environmental impact and what that means for global warming and
the future of the planet.

Sensors show strength in their ability to take action; they gather information and move step-by-step
to get something done. They are productive and focused. The intuitive, on the other hand, becomes
easily distracted and his thoughts often interweave and spiral out into other ideas before settling on
a plan of action.

In short, the sensor sees the world as it is and sees what needs to be done to achieve a specific
outcome. This differs from the intuitive in that the intuitive sees what could be and will take chances
running with these ideas even if they have little chance of success, because that is how greatness is
born.

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 Sensors vs. Intuitives:
Whats the Big Difference?

Reality is only a Rorschach ink-blot, you know.

Alan Watts, INTJ

Sensors and intuitives represent two different types of perceiving functions; people who gather
information based on their 5 senses and people who gather information through prediction and
assumptions. Neither of these perceiving functions is any less valuable than the other, but they are
for the most part mutually exclusive; most people who identify as one or the other have a hard time
seeing things from the other perspective.

A sensor gathers information as they see it in their immediate environment. A sensor may say its
cold out today, whereas an intuitive may think its cold out today, last time it was this cold out in
June we had a below-average temperature summer; I wonder if the same pattern will follow this
year. A sensor is great at reading an immediate environment, while an intuitive excels at noticing
patterns and searching for meaning in the patterns.

This ability to read an environment is part of the reason that sensors often excel in social situations
while intuitives find it more difficult to do so. A sensor will pick up on the body language, tone of
voice, facial expressions, etc. of others during social interactions. They will use this information to
continue the conversation, to change topics, to part ways, to speak up, to quiet their voice, and
many other things. The sensor is gifted at understanding people and forming relationships based on
cues they pick up from others.

While an intuitive is capable of picking up on social cues, they are less likely to because an intuitives
mind is often spinning a web of information. If people are making small talk an intuitive is going to
find it difficult to stay focused and present in the conversation. Most likely, the intuitive mind has
zeroed in on one thing that it found interesting and is now spinning that one topic into many other
ideas.

The brain of an intuitive will think of one thing and when associate that one idea with a multitude of
other ideas. This is why small talk isnt something that sticks with an intuitive; they may not
remember names, anniversaries, or favorite colors because it is not the kind of information that
spurs analogous thought or conception. An intuitive mind will not absorb trivial information, unless
that trivial information has led to a larger, more complex thought process of interest.

Based on these differences alone, it can be easy to see why a sensor would be more successful and
outgoing in a social situation than an intuitive would be. A sensor thrives in the moment, while an
intuitive is in a perpetual dream state of sorts. While a sensor only needs immediate information,
the intuitive craves associations that lead to deeper understanding and growth.

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 The Realist and the Dreamer

If you cant explain it simply, you dont understand it well enough.

Albert Einstein, INTJ

When it comes down to how the sensor and the intuitive view the world, and thus one another,
there is some conflicting thought. The sensor is a realist; he believes in what is in front of him and
what is logical. The intuitive is a dreamer; the sky is the limit for an intuitive and he considers all
possibilities no matter if they are realistic or not.

A sensor sets store in what is actual and sees little merit in conceptual or theoretical thought, which
is where an intuitive mind really thrives. Both sensors and intuitives gather their information from
the present, but the sensor uses the information only in the present while the intuitive mind will
immediately run with that information and consider what it could become in the future.

Because of their root in reality and what is in front of them, the sensor is less likely to embrace
change and may even fear it. The intuitive, on the other hand, will often crave change and look for it
because change means growth and discovery. Between the realist and the dreamer there is a
definite divide when it comes to fear of the unknown versus excitement for possibility.

These specific differences can make it difficult for sensors and intuitives to have successful
relationships with one another. It is common for a sensor to look down on an intuitive, seeing their
intuitive counterpart as flighty and disorganized. Conversely, the intuitive may see the sensor as
boring and unimaginative because they have no ambition to explore or act spontaneously.

To use a real life example, lets take the idea of buying a house. A sensor will take the practical
approach: create a budget, save money for down payment, contingency, furniture, etc., research
neighborhoods, look at several homes, weight out the pros and cons, make an offer on the most
logical choice, purchase the home.

An intuitive may say wow look at that house, lets buy it and purchase it without going through
any of the logical steps first. The intuitive knows they want the house and they will figure out the
rest as it comes. An intuitive looks at the big picture and then looks at details, while a sensor uses
details to build the picture.

It can be very easy for the intuitive to get caught up in his dream world, while a sensor remains feet
firmly planted in the ground. Because of this difference, socialization is much easier for the sensor
because he is always present. The intuitive is a whirlwind of thought processes and possibilities, and
is rarely completely present in a social setting which can make him seem standoffish or
disinterested.

Now that we have explored the differences between us and them, how can the INTJ integrate in
the world and see it through the eyes of the masses? The mistake that many INTJs make in trying to
fit in is being something that they are not, rather than using their strengths to find their niche. This
is where critical thinking and behavior analytics come into play; you want to read people and look at
situations from the outside. Be an observer before you are a participator.

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In Part Two we will explore the road toward becoming the Social Intuitive. The INTJ must embrace
his uniqueness, accept his shortcomings as well as accepting others for who they are, and build
confidence in who he is as a person rather than just in his knowledge. It is possible to understand the
world as an INTJ, even if you are part of the minority, and it is possible to build meaningful
relationships that enrich your life. Onward and upward.

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Part Two
The Social Intuitive

9
 Embrace your Uniqueness

No sensible decision can be made any longer without taking into account not only the world as it is,
but the world as it will be
Isaac Asimov, INTJ

The first piece of advice is to stop trying to fit in with the normal people. Sounds
counterproductive, doesnt it? You dont have to be friends with the entire world, find people who
are similar to you and start there. INTJs are rare, but not so rare that you cant find a few to
befriend.

Why force yourself to be friends with people you have nothing in common with? Absolutely you
want to make the effort to understand the rest of society, but the first step is befriending people
who are similar to you.

Undoubtedly, socializing with people who are likeminded is much easier than socializing with people
you have nothing in common with. Look for online forums, or local groups, that are geared toward a
topic or activity that is of interest to you. Chances are, the people who are members of a community
that you are interested in joining are similar to you in some way whether it is personality type, or
just activity-based.

There are community groups that are focused on just about any interest you can imagine: video
games, history, role-playing, literature, technology, politics, sports, etc. Maybe the initial joining of
the group is a bit intimidating but remember that these people are interested in the same thing you
are, or they wouldnt be there. You know how to talk about your interests and you are
knowledgeable use this to your advantage.

If you want to start on a smaller, less intimidating scale try an online community of people who have
similar interests to you; or even an online community for INTJs specifically. Socializing is much easier
to do when you are not face-to-face, especially if it is something you find intimidating. Of course you
want to eventually have meaningful real-life, face-to-face relationships but if you want to just dip
your toes in the pool then check out some online communities to hone your skills.

Socializing seems a bit less intimidating with the thought of finding people similar to you, doesnt it?
Dont be afraid that who you are is a person that no one else will understand; no matter how
weird you feel, there is someone who understands you and your struggle with socialization. The
biggest mistake you can ever make is trying to be someone you arent just so you are not lonely.

One of the crew here at INTJ University is an INTJ who spend most of her adolescence and young
adulthood forcing herself into a lifestyle of extroversion just to fit in before she realized that there
are people just like her who will accept her for who she is. Whatever you do, dont waste any time
be a disingenuous version of yourself Let your freak flag fly!

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 Find your Inner Confidence

Let others lead small lives, but not you. Let others argue over small things, but not you. Let others cry
over small hurts, but not you. Let others leave their future in someone elses hands, but not you.
Jim Rohn, INTJ

There are a great many things you are confident about, surely. Your education, your knowledge-
base, your interests, your career these are all things that as an INTJ you undoubtedly have
confidence in. Rather than focus on the few aspects of your life that you are not confident in (most
likely, your social life and relationships), use your strengths to break down your weaknesses.

What does this mean? Use your analytic mind to come up with solutions for your social insecurities.
If you dont understand other people, learn about them. What better way to understand the human
brain then to use the skills you already possess to expand your knowledge?

Take the idea mentioned in the previous chapter of finding online communities that match your
interest; what if you find online communities that do not match your interest whatsoever as a
means of social experimentation without feeling the pressure of a face-to-face situation?

As an INTJ you appreciate and value solid, well-researched data; for many of us, this applies even if
we do not agree with what is being said. In this vein, take the opportunity to explore viewpoints that
conflict with your own. Learning to respect the views of others is an important part of socialization,
and it gives us a chance to think outside the box which is something INTJs are great at.

Another area where respecting the opinions of others can benefit you is in your career; use the tools
you are confident in to network. If there is a conference or convention for your area of expertise,
attend! The idea of being in a massive crowd of strangers whom you may have to make small talk
with is certainly terrifying and completely unappealing, but it is a great place to exercise your ability
to navigate a social situation.

Think of the social world as a puzzle that needs to be solved, just as you look at the rest of the world.
In a social setting, sit back and watch how others interact with one another and deconstruct these
interactions in your head. Just as you make sense of other concepts in this way, you can make sense
of socialization as well. Rather than giving into the feeling of anxiety and discomfort that you feel at
the prospect of forced conversation and judgment by others, use your strengths and be enthusiastic
student.

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 Building Relationships

Im very picky with whom I give my energy to. I prefer to reserve my time, intensity and spirit
exclusively to those who reflect sincerity.
Dau Voire, INTJ

Aside from understanding the whole of humanity, you also undoubtedly want to find someone
whom you can be yourself around and who will love you for who you are. In our research we have
discovered that many of you struggle with emotional intimacy. Much of the reason this holds true is
because, as INTJs, we very much live inside of our own brains with information floating around that
is based on instinct.

Emotion is based on instinct, which is the part that an INTJ can relate to. The hard part for an INTJ is
making the decision to enter into an intimate relationship with another person. A sensor is more
likely to settle into multiple relationships throughout their life, while an INTJ takes their time
choosing a partner and considers all possible outcomes before making a decision.

As INTJs we are so invested in self-control that experiencing something that we have no control over
is not an appealing prospect, yet love is still that one, out-of-control, experience that we all crave.
How do we let go of this need for control to allow someone else to enter our lives and have an effect
on our mind and how we see the world? The answer is simple: find your proper match.

It is proven that an INTJ does best with a similar thinker, and isnt that common sense? Find
someone who enjoys their alone time as much as you, who is passionate about learning and
discovery, and who is more comfortable with silence than forced small talk. This is the type of
person you will find yourself slowly letting go of control with, and it will be okay.

An INTJ may not have interest in small talk, but meaningful conversations and debates are a whole
other thing. By finding someone similar, the INTJ is setting himself up for a lifetime of intellectual
conversation about the possibilities of the world and the greater meaning of life; this is the type of
social interaction that is appealing to the INTJ.

As an INTJ it is natural to search for perfection because in our academic mind we are always looking
for a more ideal option. The state of politics? Needs improvement. Automobiles? Always more
options. Electronics? Constant evolution. A relationship is a place where you need to let the search
for ultimate perfection go. There is no perfect person in the planet. If you keep searching for
perfection, you will always be alone. While there is no completely perfect person, there is someone
who will challenge your need for perfection and will make you okay with abandoning it.

You may be surprised at how easily being in a relationship is once you let your guard down enough
to be in one. When it comes to finding someone you potentially want to spend your life with, its
okay to let go of control and its worth it.

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 Acceptance

It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it

Aristotle, INTJ

Not everyone is like you. Have we established this? As an INTJ we see value in ourselves because we
are not concerned with the pettiness and uselessness that others resign themselves to, we are
constantly striving toward understanding of the world as a scientific entity. What we need to work
on is accepting that while not everyone holds value in the same pursuits that we do, everyone serves
a purpose in the world and thus is just as important as we are in the grand scheme of things.

Right now you may be thinking that there are many people who serve no purpose, but look at this
way: in an experiment, if you remove even one variable will you get the same outcome? Not likely.
Each piece of the puzzle is part of the big picture. While we may not understand other peoples
motives in life, that does not make them any less important in the future of the world than we are.

An INTJ will often appear as a narcissist because they are likely to view themselves as superior to
others; this another flaw of the INTJ that needs work and another struggle in socialization. It is hard
to form relationships with people when you look down on them, and it is difficult to have a
conversation with someone whom you do not respect.

Learning to accept others for who they are is the first step toward understanding how to interact
with people. The next step is making yourself approachable. How do we do this? Think about your
body language when you are put into a social situation; are your arms crossed? Are you turned
toward or away from the person speaking? Do you make eye contact?

These are all mannerisms that others will pick up on and tell them whether you are invested in the
conversation. When you are speaking to someone you should make eye contact, turn toward them,
and leave your arms uncrossed; doing the opposite creates a nonverbal barrier that speaks loud and
clear.

Another important aspect of accepting others and building relationships with them is to listen to
understand, rather than listen to respond. It is natural for INTJs to want to share their knowledge
with others, and due to this we may be eager for our turn to share what we know when really we
should be absorbing what the other person is saying.

Think of conversation as a learning experience and truly take the time to consider what the other
person is saying. This is part of using your behavior analytic brain to understand people and their
thought processes. If you can try to understand others, then you can learn to interact with them on a
level that is comfortable for both of you.

The ideal place to start practicing acceptance of yourself and others is at work. Next time you are in
a meeting sit back and listen to others and try to see where they are coming from. Listen to
understand them without feeling the need to respond. An immediate response is not always
necessary, though it is our natural instinct as intellectual beings to correct others when we feel
there is a more efficient path. Remain aware of your mannerisms and study those around you.

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 Go Forth and Conquer

Intelligence is the ability to adapt to change

Stephen Hawking, INTJ

The final step is to go forward and use this information to change your life. You possess all of the
tools to navigate humanity and to develop relationships with others, you just need to exercise these
muscles as you probably have not used them often. Lets review:

1. Find people with similar interests to you, rather than trying to force yourself to fit into a
world of people who are nothing like you stop trying to fit a square peg in a round
hole. Join online forums or groups dedicated to topics that interest you and test your
socializing chops as practice for face-to-face conversation.

If youre up for the challenge, find a group of people locally who are interested in
something you like. There are groups for almost any interest you can think of video
games, movies, politics, comic books, sports, books, history, etc. While these groups may
not be full of INTJs, they will definitely be full of people that you have at least one thing
in common with and you can build a friendship from there.

2. Be confident in who you are, and utilize your strengths to learn about others. There is
nothing wrong with you, and there is no need to change yourself to fit in with society.
What you are good at is intellectual pursuits, so use your mind to study humanity and
social interactions as a means of strengthening your own skills in this area. Solve the
puzzle of humanity by doing unofficial social experimentation and research, because this
is the kind of information that your brain processes best.

3. Let go of your quest for perfection when looking for someone to build a relationship
with. There is no such thing as the perfect human and if there was, what is the chance
you would find that person out of 7 billion inhabitants on Earth? No, you certainly
shouldnt settle for less than ideal, but when you have found the person who makes
you want to be a better version of yourself and who you fit in with effortlessly stop
holding out for perfection.

Learn to trust your instincts when it comes to loving another person, and let go of your
need for control in all aspects of your life. There is no control to be had when it comes to
love, just let it exist and dont try to manipulate it.

4. Accept yourself, and accept that others serve a purpose in this world as well even if their
priorities do not align with your own. The better you can understand that all people
have value, the easier it will be for you to integrate yourself with society in a socially
acceptable way.

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 Use your work meetings as experimentation, or use social gatherings with your
preferred group of people. Just sit back and soak it all in without feeling the need to
speak, or at least try to bite your tongue and hold back. Observe others and their
mannerisms; you may be surprised at how much you learn in a social situation if you just
exist there, rather than feeling pressured to participate.

One other aspect of an INTJ that is worth noting is the constant presence of anxiety that many of us
feel. When you live inside your head and are constantly analyzing every aspect of your life and the
world as a whole, it is easy to fall into a cycle of anxiety. The best medicine for this is silence of the
mind; easier said than done, right? Exercise and yoga may not sound immediately appealing, but the
freedom that your mind will feel if you allow it time to take a break will bring on an immediate sense
of calm.

Other tips for helping yourself navigate the social world, develop relationships, and find peace with
your own mind? Explore INTJ Universitys courses, blog, newsletter, and other resources that can be
found on our website.

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 References
http://changingminds.org/explanations/preferences/sensing_intuiting.htm

http://www.myersbriggs.org/my-mbti-personality-type/mbti-basics/sensing-or-intuition.htm

http://www.personalityhacker.com/how-are-sensors-and-intuitives-different/

http://www.preludecharacteranalysis.com/explore/sensing-vs-intuitive

http://www.truity.com/blog/intuitives-guide-getting-along-sensors

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