Post-Modern Courtship

In Philippine custom and tradition, courtship is more subdued, discrete and indirect
compared to Western Cultures. This practice which dated back to the Spanish time strictly abides
to conservative norms set by the society for pursuing a woman. Traditionally, a man cannot just
approach a lady and ask for her name or address. If a man sees a woman she likes, he should
seek the help of a mediator or tulay in Tagalog, to ask the permission of the girls father if he can
visit her in their house. Harana or serenade, sending love letters and paninilbihan or servitude
are just some of the traditions being practiced by traditional Filipinos.

Today, although a lot of traditional courting practices are still being observed, there are
modifications and evolutions that have been made that give the traditional Filipino courtship a
modern version.
Now, the modernized courtship in the Philippines
revolves on the liberalism of Filipinos. With the influence
of Western culture through the intervention of modern
technologies, modern courtship these days is going fast.
Our very own Harana turned into a song dedication on
radio, love letters evolved into text messages, and
pamamanhikan later becomes a family dinner in
restaurants-making the traditional year-long courtship
turned into weeks, days or even a couple of hours.
With the advent of new technologies, little by little the
Philippine courtship becomes cheaper and cheaper
literally. In just a few hours of conversing through sending text messages and e-mails, one can
easily find a partner. With just a peso, (barely a peso since theres text promos now a days) the
courtship is being done.
No wonder relationships these days dont stay long compared before. This is because in the first
place, the foundation of the relationship is not strong. Now, you can just easily approach a lady
walking on the street and ask for her phone number. A few talking and flirting on the phone will
give you an instant boyfriend/girlfriend. You could even see couples having their first dates holding
hands and PDAs (Public Display of Affection). things that are completely forbidden in the context
of traditional courtship.

In courtship, hard work and patience are

important in order to achieve a long lasting
relationship. If the guy had waited long enough
and had gone through different tests just to win
the womans heart, it will teach him to value the
woman and not to give up on her easily. And for
the lady, enough time will give her chance to think
deeply and decide whether the man is really the
one meant for her. This way, there will be less
complications since it will allow both parties to
know each other better.
 Modern courtship does not really have a pattern. It could start from a group date where
friends would pair friends up and tease them. Friends could play cupid and set a couple up and
leave them on their own to talk then before you know it they are going out on a date. With the
influence of western television, modern courtships these days are going fast although it doesn't
necessarily have the emotional baggage attached with immediately going to bed. It would take a lot
longer time for Filipinos to trust each other to get to that point. It stems on the virtues rooted from
the olden days. Modern Filipina ladies are also decisive on their choices. Those who do not really
want their suitors would not hesitate on letting them know of this fact. A refused suitor is called
"basted".

These modern Filipinas are only a tip of the

iceberg as most Filipinas especially the ones in the
province still adheres to the traditional way of
courtship. Most families still observes the rituals
connected to panliligaw, pamamanhikan or paghingi
ng kamay, dowry etc. Gone were the days of
paninilbihan and haranas. These days, it is enough
that a man shows up in a lady's house and bonds
with the woman's family. He is not expected to chop
wood or fetch water but at least show the girl's
family that he is worthy enough of her love.

It is important though to note whether it is traditional or modern, to show your sincere

intention of courting by introducing yourself to the family and impressing the girls family in any way
that you can.

How to court a girl in our generation? Here are some of the tips:

1. Try to be as gentleman as possible. A Filipino male sets his

best foot forward in courting a girl. That's how the game is
played.
2. Keep communication lines open. Filipinas love to talk on
email, on skype, etc. They just want to feel and hear you love
them all the time. This is their way of bridging the distance.
Filipinas have a lot of insecurities, if you forget to call them
they will immediately feel bad or suspicious you're up to
something. That's true to most Pinays. Constant
communication helps.
3. Filipinas love surprises.
4. Make good all of your promises. When you say you are
coming on a certain date make sure you come on that date.

Sincerity to Filipinos is measured not by saying what is right but by doing what is right.