Proper Grammar and Syntax: How to Avoid Needlessly Awkward Sentences (Part I)

1. You should always balance parallel ideas that utilize a series or a linked comparison.
Consider the following example: Hooked on romance novels, I learned that there is nothing
more important than being rich, looking good, and to have a good time. How should that
sentence be revised? What about this one: It is easier to speak in abstractions than
grounding ones thoughts in reality.

2. Repeat prepositions and conjunctions to clarify parallels. What should be repeated in the
following example? Many smokers try switching to a brand they find distasteful or a low tar
and nicotine cigarette.

3. Add words needed to make comparisons logical and complete. Flawed example: The
forests of North America are much more extensive than Europe.

4. Put limiting modifiers in front of words they modify. How should these sentences read?
Lasers only destroy the target, leaving the surrounding healthy tissue intact. The turtle
only makes progress when it sticks its neck out.

5. Place phrases and clauses so that readers can see at a glance what they modify. When
phrases or clauses are oddly placed, absurd misreadings can result. Consider the difference
between the two following sentences: (a) The king returned to the clinic where he had
undergone heart surgery in 2000 in a limousine sent by the White House. (b) Traveling in a
limousine sent by the White House, the king returned to the clinic where he had undergone
heart surgery in 2000.

6. Avoid split infinitives when they are awkward. How would you revise this sentence: The
patient should try to if possible avoid going up and down stairs.

7. Repair dangling modifiers. A dangling modifier fails to refer logically to any word in the
sentence. Examples: (a) Deciding to join the navy, the recruiter enthusiastically pumped
Joes Hand. (b) To please the children, some fireworks were set off a day early. (c)
Though only sixteen, UCLA accepted Marthas application.

8. Make the point of view consistent in person and number. Whats wrong here? (a) One
needs a password and a credit card number to access this database. You will be billed at an
hourly rate. (b) A police officer is often criticized for always being there when they arent
needed and never being there when they are. (c) Everyone took out their pencil.

9. Maintain consistent verb tenses. Flawed example: There was no way I could fight the
current and win. Just as I was losing hope, a stranger jumps off a passing boat and swims
toward me.

10. Avoid sudden shifts from indirect to direct questions. Flawed example: I wonder
whether the sister knew of the theft and, if so, did she report it to the police.
 Proper Grammar and Syntax: How to Avoid Needlessly Awkward Sentences (Part II)

1. Avoid too many consecutive long sentences. When you want to make a point forcefully,
use a short sentence. Short sentences demand attention. However, you should short
sentences primarily for emphasis. Too many short sentences, one after the other, make for a
choppy style. Example of choppiness: We keep our use of insecticides to a minimum. We
are concerned about their effect on the environment.

2. Use however and but properly. Here are some examples of proper uses:

(a) I went to the store, but I forgot to buy bread.

(b) I went to the store; however, I forgot to buy bread.
(c) If you think Ken Burns knows anything about jazz, however, youve got another
thing coming.
(d) However, I do think that this example could be improved.

Improper uses:
(e) We offered to help the elderly woman cross the busy street but she wouldnt allow
anyone to help her.
(f) Her hearing sharpened, however she gradually lost her sight.

3. Do not subordinate excessively. The following sentence collapses from its own weight and
should be divided:

Our job is to stay between the stacker and the tie machine watching to see if the
newspapers jam, in which case we pull the bundles off and stack them on a skid, because
otherwise they would back up the stacker.

4. Avoid unnecessary repetition of words. Examples of what to avoid:

(a) Our fifth patient, in room six, is a mentally ill patient.

(b) The best teachers help each student to become a better student both academically
and emotionally.

5. Simplify the structure of wordy sentences. How might these sentences be improved?

(a) There is another module that tells the story of Charles Darwin and introduces the
theory of evolution.
(b) It is imperative that all police officers follow strict procedures when apprehending a
subject.

6. Make subjects and verbs agree in number. Prepositional phrases do not affect the
singularity or plurality of the relevant noun. Treat indefinite pronouns as singular. Examples
of correct uses:

(a) High levels of air pollution cause damage to the respiratory tract.
(b) The samples on the tray in the lab need testing.
(c) Everyone on the team supports the coach.
(d) Each of the rooms has been cleaned.
(e) Everybody who signed up for the ski trip was taking lessons.