UnderstandingTheHoneyBadgers

ALOOKATABSOLUTION
Flocksarehuntedontheconcreteplains,thescytheisthereandcountingthenames.Theywillcrushall
yourcreeds;theriversdefile.Theirmenaretheservants,andtheywillworshiptheirdeeds.

omethingthatmanypeoplelackisaverbaljourneyintothethingsthatdefine
them.Ionthatnotedonot.IamAbsolution,alsoknownasDerynbycloserfriends.Iam
thededicatedpsychologicalwarfarespecialistanddocumentmanagementreferalist.My
jobisasequallyasimportantasWilliamsons,asmostfinaldecisionsrunthroughme
beforetheybecomeofficial.Ilivetodancethelinepermanentlybetweenthegrainsof
normalityandabnormality.Thewritofmindwilltouchaninternalandexternalperspective
inthisformat;everyinstanceofmycharacterandeverythoughtprocessbehindmy
decisions.Cautionyourself;aswithawholeheart,mostofthethingsIdoarenot
misunderstoodactions.

Absolutionismorethanjustsimplemistakeandsocialregret;Iwouldnotchangemypast.

Iwillbecoveringthefollowingsubjectsandmyrelativethoughtsonthem:
Normality,Individuality,internalconflict,desires,dreamsandequivalentconcerns.

Letusbeginwithmyrelationshiptowardsnormality;themostsubjectivetopicofthemany

Ifindnoquarrelwithdecisionofpeopletofollowanormallifestyle,butIfindmyself
enumeratedbythethoughtofthemraisinginarmsagainstthosewhodonotagreewith
theirbasis.ConsequentlyIamconsideredtobeunorthodoxforthatreasonalonebymany;
defendingtheunusualandunharboredlystrange.Thisallowsmetoblendintocrowdsof
strangerswithlittletonoeffort,butthosewhoknowmewillbeabletodetectmypresence
inanylocation.IamabletosubduemyflawssubtlyenoughthatIcaninfactblendwith
societyinanormalfashion,whichasofmostsocietalnormalsdespitetheverybeingofmy
personality.

Alltheirdiamondclawsandtheirgoldenjaws;Earthsalllivingthingsgrowasphaltwings.

Ioftenfindmyselfdefendingtheunusualinthefaceofanaccusatoryfinger,butatthe
sametimeturningagainstitwhenitcomestoharmthenormal.Thosewhowereonce-ina
sense-normaloftenbendinnaturewhenexposedtomyprolongedpresence;beitoutof
confusionordisbeliefofmysurrealnature.AnexamplebeingprimarilythefriendsI
surroundmyselfhavemadehumouroutoftoleratingmyabnormalities,inwhichhadthey
metmepre-facewhilemytraitswereblatantcomparativetorecessedtheywouldhave
immediatelydismissedme.

Tomenormalityisbutapoisonthatwebareasanecessity,tokeeporderandsanction
amongthemanypeoplesoftheworld;muchsimilartohowoneingestsalcoholtoburya
pain.Itactsasapainkillertothememoriesandthingsthatwewishtonotthinkaboutin
ourday-to-daylives,somethingforpeopletopretendisperfect.Arguably,andtruthfullyit
isnot.Yetthatremainstobetold.Thescarshaveneverwrittenasongforme.

Followingsuitisindividuality.

WhileIdoseecommunitiesasanimportantpartofhumanstructure,Idobelievethatthe
communityshouldnotbecomeyou.Youshouldbepartofacommunity,partofa
friendship,partofagroup.Thegroupshouldnotbecomepartofyou.Youshouldnotbe
benttotheidealsofamob,youshouldnotgiveyourfleshandboneforthegoodofother
people.Youshouldgiveitforyourownvalues,yourownpersonalvendettas.Tothrow
yourselftodeathforsomethingyoudonotbelievemakesyounothingbutaslavetome.I
cannotrespectsomeonewhofightsforacausetheydonotbelieve,evenifitmeanstheir
lifeisindanger.

Individualityisthemostimportantpartofapersonformetorespectthem.Regardlessof
othertraits;intelligence,strength,willpower,ifitsallunderminedbyalackofindividualityI
willdisregardthemasawhole.Therewillbenosecondchance,therewillbeno
acceptance.Simplytheywillbecomedeadtome,somethinglesserthanahumanbeing.A
slavetosuggestion,fearfulofthepainoflife.Iwillmorethancertainlyfailthematevery
confrontation.

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Alltheirdiamondclawsandtheirgoldenjaws;Earthsalllivingthingsgrowasphaltwings.

Movingontointernalconflict:thingssuchasdepression,anxiety,insecurityandso-forth.

Depressioninitselfisconquerable,thoughitisanagony.ThoughIdoseeitasadiseases,
alldiseaseshaveacurethathavesimplynotbeendiscovered.Depressionandanxiety
alongwithinsecurityarequietwordswithhollowmeaning.Ihavebattledit,Ihave
conqueredit.Throughallthepropermeansandthoughtstheymaydepartyou;ofthatIm
sure.

ThingslikeWhatifIwasnothing?orIamnotworthanything?areprecinctsofamind
whohasnotfoundtheircalling,foundtheirinternalpurpose.Worthissubjective,worthis
dependinguponyourselfdesire.Noonecangiveyouworth,noonecangiveyou
happiness,noonecangiveyouyourlifebackwhendepressionstrikes,orwhenanxiety
shakesyouapart.Youhavetolearntofightit,orlearntolivewithit.Ihavedoneboth,andI
givenoleewayforotherstonotbeableto.

Ifindmyselfharboringasmallbutdeadlyarrayofinsecurities;onesinwhichifnotkeptin
checkwouldtearmeapartfromtheroots.Ihavestrongworth,qualityandself-image
issues,muchsimilartoanyothertransindividual.GenderDysphoriaoftenleadstospellsof
sadnessanddisappointment;similartohowwhensomeonefailsatsomethingtheydesireI
havefailedofbeingattributedandphyscicallynotedofthegenderthatIfeelattunedto.

Idonotseebeingtransassomethingtoshouttotheskiesinprideandtuscanbeauty.
Ratheritisapartofyou,thisistrue,butitdoesnotmakeyouwhoyouare.Thisisoften
mistakenbythosewhotakethetitlebecausetranshasbecomeapopularculturestatus
quo;whichIaminthemostdisappointedof.RatherinmyeyesthereisnoIama
transmanorIamatranswoman.Youareeitheraman,oryouareawoman.Gendersare
binaryandunlessyoucontainbothgenitaliayouhavenoreasonbuttoidentifyasoneof
thesetwoinstances.

Myself-imagedespitemylevelofconfidenceshowninthepublicfaceisactuallyquite
low.Ifindmyselftobeconstantlysub-par,orfarbelowexpectations.IoftenassumeIm
goingtodosomethingwrong,orthatwhenIvemadeamistakethatitwasamajorone;
onethatwouldcriticallyaffectthesituation:Iwillalsooftenselfdestructinthefaceof
realizingthatIhavemadeacriticalmistake.Notinaviolentwaytheoppositeinfact,Iget
veryself-demeaning.

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Alltheirdiamondclawsandtheirgoldenjaws;Earthsalllivingthingsgrowasphaltwings.

ThoughthisdoesnotmeanIamsusceptibletotheopinionsofothers.Itismyownopinion
thattearsmyself-image,perspectivequalityandvaluetopapershreds.Theopinionsof
othershavenoaffectofme;Ivebecomestaletohurtfulwordsandprejudiced
statementsinwhichItooamguiltyofmaking.Insteadmyownopinionwilleatmealive
slowlylikeaparasiteuntilonedayitreachesacapacitythatoverridesmyusualabilityto
pushbackthethoughtsthatracearoundinmyheadlikebusybees.Ihavenodesireto
compensateformyinsecuritiesbytheharassmentanddemeaningofothers,forIfindthat
tobeafoolsgamewithfruitlessefforts.Thereisnosanctioninrelievingthepainsand
emptiesofinsecuritythereisnocatharsis.

Mydesiresanddreamsarestaggeringlysimple:

TolivemylifehowIwishtolive,andinthatenjoythethingsthatIcanandcannot.Idonot
wishtorevelinmonetaryvalues,Idonotwishtohavepower,Idonotdesiretodanceon
thegraveofenemieswithwithfruitlessdeaths.Ifindnoquarrelinthepoliticalworld;andI
findnohatredforthoseoflesserorgreatersocialstatus.AllIdesireistodoasIfindtobe
enjoyable;whatIfindtobeacceptableandworthwhile.

IusedtodesireanoccupationofSWATteamcoordinationbutIhavebeenseemingly
droppedthatcravingontheonsetofMultipleSclerosis;thoughatthistimethisisntexactly
diagnosed(itshallbeonMarch7th,2017).Ivebeenbarredfromthatoperativestatusby
physicalcondition;butsimultaneouslyIhavehadanequallystrongdesiretobecomean
equallyinfluentialcorporateambassadornotbecauseofthepower,butbecauseofthe
factIpersonallyenjoytheconcept,professionalityandloyaltybasedsystemthatexistsin
thecorporatefieldofwork.Itappealsverythicklysotothesideofmethatpraisesloyaltyat
anycost.

Mydesiresonthefrontmostpartarealsoverysimple:

AgroupoffriendsinwhichIcanconsiderfamily,considerthosewhoIcantrustmylife
upon.Agroupofpeopleindifferenttothebiasofsocietyandexpectation.Thosewhodo
whatmustbedone,regardlessofthemorallash.Tothrowasidethechildishmeansand
accusatoryfingersofthenormalandembracethesurrealandunusual,remaininginthe
samepurgatorythatIhavediscoveredbychoice,notbynecessity.

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Alltheirdiamondclawsandtheirgoldenjaws;Earthsalllivingthingsgrowasphaltwings.

RelativetothepreviouslymentioneddesireisnotablypatternofactionwithinthoseI
surroundmyself.Thebeatenroad-less-takenofbecomingmyfriend,themoresotakenof
becominganenemyofgenuinedistaste.

Inabsolutethemostimmediatewayofcreatinghostilitybetweenmeandwhomeveritis
thatImaybespeakingtoorinteractingnearistheonsetofpatronizingtreatingme,or
someoneelseasalesserregardless.Iamanindividualofequalstatusbeliefthat
everyoneisequalunlesstherehasbeenaprovenpointoraflawintheircharactertheyuse
asabaseofleveragetocreateunequalsituationsorgeneralrudeandunacceptable
actionsasaresultof.EveryonehascriticalunacceptableflawsergoIambothtransand
afurryitissimplyaquestionofwhoembracesitandunderstandsitandwhoitisthat
bendsittotheirwillasameansofdistaste.E.g:theflamboyanthomosexualwhointurn
assaultsanotherhomosexualverballybecausehedislikesmakeup.Inthatsensethe
acceptablechoicewouldtonotethattheassailantisnotablylessinpersonalityqualitythan
theindividualbeingassailed.Orthetransgenderwhoinsultsandassailsuponcismen
becausetheycannotgraspforanythingbutattentionoranyonetoaccepttheirtoxicbelief
andpersonality.ThosearepeopleIwillneverrespectorseeasaviableequalbecausethey
haveproventheyarenobetterthanthedirtthatIwalkon.Stayingoutofmyantagonismis
actuallyquiteeasy:

Dontbecondescendingandrudefornoreason.

OnthecontraryImmuchmoreparticularaboutwhatIconsiderandresolvetobea
friendship.Myrespectisfickleandeverchanging,muchsimilartothechaosoftheworld
thatIsoembrace.WhatIfindrespectableinanindividualisasperpetualandunchanging
asmyeversodiligentlackofproperorthodox.TherearepeopleIspeaktowithlight
heartwhoIrespectasanequalanddonotmindtheirpresence,becauseIseethemas
decentpeople;thentherearefriends.ThoseindividualsinwhichwhomIwouldstandon
thefieldofbattlewithandneverfeelasinglecrackofmoralefall.WhomwithIwouldsiton
theedgeofdeathitselfandfeelnoregrets.Thosenotboundbyrules,orsubjectiveideas
whopinmewithsuchmediocreconceptsasnormalityandexpectation;inwhichIreturn
thesame.

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Alltheirdiamondclawsandtheirgoldenjaws;Earthsalllivingthingsgrowasphaltwings.

Tobecomemyfriend,youmustshowfourinarguableandundyingtraits.Allofwhichare
criticalthoughtprocessesandcharactertraits.Allofwhichwillbecoveredindividually.

FirstcomeLoyalty,thetraitinapersonthatbidesmyrespectlikenoother.Ifamanfights
foracauseoutofloyalty,itmeansheispassionateofthatbelief.Icanrespectthatman,
eveniftheyaremyenemy.Iwillbowattheirgrave,ifIoutlivethem;ifIdonot,Icannot
disrespecthissuccession.Iwillrespectsomeoneregardlessofbeliefsystemaslongasthey
showtheyareloyaltoit,anddonotgetoutofhandwiththeirbeliefs.Ifamanstandsby
hisfriendeveninatimeofdirestrife;whereimminentdeathisguaranteed.Iwillstandby
thatman,evenifIdonotsharehisbeliefs;ifIdonotsharehisideas.Iwilldefendwithhim
whatheloves.Hewoulddothesameforme.

Honestyissecondlyrankedforproperreason.Lyingtosomeoneyoucareaboutisthe
pinnacleofdishonor,disrespectandproofoflackofloyalty.Iwillneverrespectamanwho
looksyouintheeyesanddeceivesyou;itisnotinmynature.Whileitispossibletorepair
thedamageofapastselfwhotellsnotruthsitremainsthataliarmustnotbealiarto
repairtheirdamage.Itispossibletorepairthisdamageaspreviouslymentionedyes;butit
isdifficult.

Thirdlyisegalitarianismandisthebaseofmybeliefandideologicalsystem.Asmentioned
above:ifyoudonotseepeopleasanequalwithoutproperreasonifindividualreason
comparedtoagreatertrait,Icannotevenlookatyouasanequalyourself.Forsomeoneto
bemyfriend,ineverysituationtheymustlookatmeeye-to-eyelevel,nothingwillbe
forced,nothingwillbeshovedorgougeddownsomeone'sthroat.

Fourthispersonalmotivationandacceptance.Ifsomeonecannotfindtheirownreasonfor
life,theirownreasontofollowtheirdreamstheirowndreamtofollowinthefirst
placeandthedecencytogivenoticetothosewhohavehelpedthemachievetheirdream
ifanyisimportanttome.Ifsomeonecannotacceptthemselvesandsuchreasonbringout
theirlashesagainstotherstocompensatefortheirimageoreventheirlackthereofIwill
neverbeabletoappropriatelyrespectthem.Completelyself-motivatedandself-controlled
individualswhocansolvetheirownproblemsandwillknowwhentheyneedhelp.

IamAbsolution,andthereismuchmoretolearnaboutthewayIwork;thisisisonlya
rudimentaryunderstandingofmybasicprinciples.Iammuchmorecomplicated.