About The Forgiveness Pattern

Many religious/philosophical traditions emphasize the importance of

freeing ourselves from the burden of anger and resentment, and
reaching a state of forgiveness. The Forgiveness Pattern was developed
by Steve and Connirae Andreas, along with the participants of an
advanced training in the spring of 1990. Later that same year Steve
discussed and demonstrated the Forgiveness Pattern before a live
audience during the Rocky Mountain NLP Conference. Although some
comments from the group and the demonstration subject are faint, it is a
clear step-by-step presentation of the powerful change(s) the
Forgiveness Pattern can produce. This audio program also includes a
follow-up interview with the demonstration subject, and this handout
detailing each step of the pattern. (2 hours, 24 minutes in length.)
The Forgiveness Pattern Notes
This pattern was developed by Steve and Connirae Andreas and
participants in the Six-day Andreas Intensive, March 1990. It is useful
for someone who is angry or resentful (blaming), particularly if it is
long-standing and the person who harmed him is out of his life, or dead,
etc.

This outline of this pattern presupposes considerable NLP training,
particularly in submodalities. We invite your feedback based on your
experiences of using this pattern.

General Frames
The goal of this pattern is to bring peace and resolution to the person
feeling anger or resentment. Forgiving others (or yourself) does not
mean condoning the behavior that harmed you, or giving up the values
that were violated. An important part of the pattern is to reaffirm your
own values and criteria and use them to seek ways of coping
resourcefully. The resolution and integration that forgiveness brings
will make it easier to take effective action to uphold your values and
standards in the future.

Steps of The Forgiveness Pattern

1. Resentment/Anger. Identify the person and the incident you are

still angry at or resentful toward, and with whom you would like
to reach a feeling of forgiveness and resolution. Take a moment to
notice how you think of this person and incident now. (Calibrate
to clients non-verbal responses.)

2. Forgiveness. Identify an experience of forgiveness in your past.
There are two major choices for this resource experience:

a. You once resented someone, but when you think of that
person now it is with a feeling of forgiveness and
compassion.

b. Someone harmed you, and you forgave them right away
because you recognized that they harmed you accidentally,
or that they were doing the best they could, etc. For
instance, a small child hurt you, and you instantly
recognized that he couldnt possibly understand the
consequences of what he did. (Calibrate to clients non-
verbal responses.)

3. Contrastive Analysis. Compare the experiences in steps 1 and 2
above to determine the submodality differences between the two.

4. Test Submodality Differences. One at a time, change the
submodality differences of the resentment/anger experience to
make it like forgiveness. Notice which submodalities are the most
powerful drivers in changing resentment/anger to forgiveness.

 5. Ecology Check. Does any part of you have any objection to
reaching forgiveness with this person? The most common
objections are of three types:

a. Forgiveness would mean condoning the harmful behavior
and violating the persons values and standards. You can
either assure that this pattern will take care of this
objection later or jump ahead to do steps 8-10 before
proceeding.

b. Forgiveness would mean something about the person; for
instance, that hes a wimp, etc. Reframe.

c. Forgiveness would eliminate a positive function, usually
protection from a repeat occurrence. Separate positive
function from forgiveness and provide specific ways to
accomplish this function.

Ask, Do you realize that this person (and yourself) was doing
the best he could in this situation, given his background,
limited knowledge or motivation, etc.? Take time to be sure
this presupposition is in place. One way is to ask client to
step into and become the person who harmed and discover
what that experience is like. Satisfy all objections at least
conditionally before proceeding to step 6.

6. Transform Resentment/Anger into Forgiveness by mapping
across all submodalities, starting with the more powerful
driver submodalities you identified in step 4. As you do this, be
sensitive to any objections or reluctance and deal with them
before proceeding.

 7. Test. Think of the person you used to feel resentment/anger
toward. How do you feel about him now? Calibrate to the
nonverbal responses, comparing with what you observed
previously at steps 1 and 2. Usually the incident of harm will now
be the past, while the person will often be in the future, in a more
positive way.

8. Identify Important Values. This person that you just forgave did
something that you didnt like, which means they violated your
values/criteria. Pause now to identify those values, and confirm
that they are still important to you.

(If you have any hint that part of the clients problem lies in
inappropriate or perfectionistic standards, pause here to evaluate
and possibly revise standards, as in the guilt and shame patterns.)

9. Plan Specific Responses. Given that these values are important
to you, what can you effectively do that will uphold these standards
in the future? Effective action might include preparing yourself
for future situations, educating the person who harmed you, or
protecting others who might be harmed in the future, etc. Decide
what you are committed to doing in the future to uphold your
values.

10. Future-Pace Responses. Rehearse what you have decided to do
in future situations, so that it will occur naturally and
spontaneously in appropriate future contexts.

11. Final Ecology Check. Is what we have done satisfactory to all
parts of you? Are there any objections, or are there any details still
unfinished for you?

 12. Generalize. If the person has had many experiences of
resentment/anger, it can be very useful to use Richard Bandlers
Decision Destroyer to help the person reevaluate all these past
experiences in the way the Forgiveness pattern has just taught.
This re-sorting process can have a dramatic impact on a
multitude of past experiences and also install this ability as a
through time ability that becomes part of the persons sense of
themselves in the present and future.

For background information about submodalities and other related NLP
patterns, see Heart of the Mind and Change Your Mind and Keep the
Change, both by Connirae and Steve Andreas, and Using Your Brainfor
a CHANGE by Richard Bandler.
About Steve Andreas, M.A.
Steve Andreas is co-founder with his wife,
Connirae, of NLP Comprehensive. He is the
author of Virginia Satir: The Patterns of Her
Magic and co-author or editor of many
other NLP books and manuals of wide
acclaim including the best-selling NLP book
Heart of the Mind. Steve and Conniraes
contributions to the field include emotional
transformation patterns for grief, shame,
guilt, and forgiveness, as well as pioneering
in the areas of Timelines and submodalities.

NLP Comprehensive
Founded by Steve and Connirae Andreas 1979
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