Interdependence

Interdependence refers to how much you need dependency or a "couple identity" with your partner.
You are highly interdependent in relationships. This means that you desire and perhaps even demand a
substantial degree of physical and emotional connection with a partner and other loved ones. Those
connections and interactions can be frequent and superficial or they can be deep and meaningful. And you are
probably attracted quickly to someone who you can deeply respect and even emulate to a degree. In fact, it is
typical for a person in this score range to consider how a particular romantic partner might reflect on his/her
own family and friends. All of this does not mean that you do not need personal space now and then; nearly
everyone values being unique and different from others in some respects. However, people in this range draw
considerable strength, comfort and sense of identity from close relationships. You like to know about virtually
all aspects of your partners life. Thus, when you feel close to someone this person becomes an extremely
important part of who you are on the inside and outside. You probably prefer that you and your partners
recreational activities be shared together since you like having your partner physically close and desire
showing off your couplehood in public. Bottom line: you need someone who responds to the fact that
you enjoy the reassurance of physical contact and emotional sharing, but who helps keeps dependency in
check in the relationship so that you two do not lose your identities as individuals and whose character is
deserving of your loyalty and affection.
Next, PlentyofFish presents some customized probing questions to use as is or as inspiration to develop your
own to help you explore your interdependency needs with potential partners:

What degree of possessiveness do you think is healthy in a relationship?

Tell me all about your philosophy or view on PDAs (Public Displays of Affection)
On any typical night out with your friends, would you prefer to have your partner there with you or
not?

Food for Thought! PlentyofFish wants you to know about some idiosyncrasies the assessment identified in
you. These are issues for you to contemplate on your own or explore with a professional relationship/dating
coach.

Issues you seem to Under-value

A main consideration in choosing a romantic partner is how he/she would reflect on my family. Possible
reasons you responded this way include negative motivations and positive motivations. On the negative side, it
could mean that you tend not to consider your familys comfort level or feelings or that you ignore issues of
compatibility between your family and potential partner. On the positive side, it could mean that you tend not
to be enmeshed with your family, that you are not overly susceptible to social pressures or that you are not
superficial and concerned with appearances.

Intimacy

Intimacy refers to the how much you need emotional closeness with your partner.
You have emotional intimacy to offer a partner but that intimacy is expected to grow gradually over time.
People in this scoring range are open with a partner when it comes to lessons learned from past experiences
and relationships. You long for emotional closeness and security with a special person. In fact, you probably
would feel uncomfortable if there were serious secrets kept from your partner. You likely see a partner as a
best friend and your foremost confidant. There is likely no hesitation discussing current problems or concerns
with that person. It also seems that you have realistic expectations for a committed relationship. However, you
are acutely aware of the risks that come with intimacy. You may find yourself frequently wondering whether
your devotion and adoration will be reciprocated or whether your partners feelings will change. For this
reason, people in this scoring range frequently neither lower their guard completely nor allow themselves to be
fully emotional vulnerable. Bottom line: you need someone who will understand and accept a slow pace
for emotional intimacy with you and provide frequent reassurance of their feelings and intentions as the
relationship is taken to progressive levels.
Next, PlentyofFish presents some customized probing questions to use as is or as inspiration to develop your
own to help you explore your intimacy needs with potential partners:

What levels of self-disclosure have occurred at various stages of your past relationships? and if you
could do any of it over, what would you do?
How often do you have the experience of meeting someone and trusting them so completely that you
share just about everything about yourself at the first meeting?
What kind of reassurance and feedback do you like to give and receive in a relationship?

Food for Thought! PlentyofFish wants you to know about some idiosyncrasies the assessment identified in
you. These are issues for you to contemplate on your own or explore with a professional relationship/dating
coach.

Issues you seem to Under-value

I am comfortable without close emotional relationships. Possible reasons you responded this way include
negative motivations and positive motivations. On the negative side, it could mean that you have a have a
limited understanding of yourself and boundaries. On the positive side, it could mean that you have a high self-
esteem and self-image, that you are not self centered, that you do not fear you will not live up to your partners
expectations or that your partner will not live up to yours.
It would bother me if I got attached to people very easily. Possible reasons you responded this way include
negative motivations and positive motivations. On the negative side, it could mean that you do not have a
healthy degree of individuality and independence or that you have a limited understanding of your fears. On
the positive side, it could mean that you are strongly committed to your partner, that you are not selfish and not
self centered, that you are not superficial in your relationships or that you have realistic expectations.

Self-efficacy

Self-Efficacy refers to your self-image, stability of mood and level of motivation.

People at your scoring level feel assertive and expressive most of the time and strive to maintain a positive
attitude. You likely find that having plans and structured goals help motivates and guides your personal and
professional development. Many people in this scoring range are visionary in their ambitions, but they can be
highly self critical. Indeed, you are likely to be acutely aware of your own strengths and weaknesses.
Therefore, it probably helps for you to hear praise and recognition, as well as have measurable goals and
benchmarks in order to feel competent in your decisions and actions and to achieve a strong sense of
accomplishment. Bottom line: you need someone who is extremely supportive of your goals by showing
patience and a positive outlook and who also frequently acknowledges and praises your small and large
accomplishments.
Next, PlentyofFish presents some customized probing questions to use as is or as inspiration to develop your
own to help you explore your self-efficacy needs with potential partners:

Do people need to fish for compliments from you, or are you the kind of person who frequently gives
spontaneous acknowledgements and praise to others?
What are the most important responsibilities in a friendship?
Do you think success in life is largely a matter of good organization or largely a matter of luck?

Food for Thought! PlentyofFish wants you to know about some idiosyncrasies the assessment identified in
you. These are issues for you to contemplate on your own or explore with a professional relationship/dating
coach.

Issues you seem to Under-value

I know my own strengths and weaknesses. Possible reasons you responded this way include negative
motivations and positive motivations. On the negative side, it could mean that you are overly self-centered and
egotistical, that you are not willing to take risks and try new experiences or learn new things or that you have
unrealistic ideas. On the positive side, it could mean that you contemplate your abilities, that you have a
realistic understanding of yourself or that you are humble.

Relationship readiness

Relationship Readiness refers to how prepared you are emotionally, psychologically and pragmatically for a
committed relationship.
In some ways, you may not be fully ready for a committed relationship. You seem to feel a fair degree of
comfort and grounding in your life right now. In fact, most people in this range have a clear vision and a sense
of purpose for their life. They also feel in control, but sometimes that sense of control can be fleeting or a false
sense of security. For example, it is often the case that people in this scoring range need to address unresolved
issues that can interfere with them having the life and relationship they want. These could be financial or legal
issues or even physical, emotional or health issues. It may also be the case that you are seeking a relationship
primarily to fill a void in your life or to gain a feeling of acceptance and belonging that was weakened or lost
due to other relationships that ended or disappointed you. Bottom line: you need someone who will be
patient and supportive as you figure out your needs rather than who will rush the relationship
prematurely.
Next, PlentyofFish presents some customized probing questions to use as is or as inspiration to develop your
own to help you explore your relationship readiness needs with potential partners:
Responding candidly, what are your strengths and weaknesses as a friend?
What are the most important responsibilities you have to a romantic partner?
Do you feel offended or rejected when a partner asks for time, space or privacy to take care of some
personal business?

Food for Thought! PlentyofFish wants you to know about some idiosyncrasies the assessment identified in
you. These are issues for you to contemplate on your own or explore with a professional relationship/dating
coach.

Issues you seem to Over-value

My financial and legal business is handled. Possible reasons you responded this way include negative
motivations and positive motivations. On the negative side, it could mean that you do not strive for personal
growth and achievement, you are not an ambitious and visionary thinker or that you are unrealistic about your
life. On the positive side, it could mean that you are not experiencing a state of personal/ professional flux, you
are not poor at money management or that you do not have personal issues or baggage from past relationships.
My physical, mental or emotional health does not interfere with having the life and relationship that I
want. Possible reasons you responded this way include negative motivations and positive motivations. On the
negative side, it could mean that you do not strive for personal growth and achievement or that you are
unrealistic about your life. On the positive side, it could mean that you are not self critical, you are neither
overly needy nor attention-seeking or that you are not a person who must always manage ongoing stressors.

Communication

Communication refers to your approach to interpersonal interactions and level of emotional intelligence.
Effective communicators have strong emotional intelligence, and you seem to have an excellent level of
emotional intelligence. It is expected that you show considerable tolerance of ambiguity and emotional
expression. You have the capacity for being extremely sensitive to others feelings and to their body language.
Those who know you well would probably describe you as patient and eager to listen to others. People in this
scoring range are also not afraid of making or admitting to mistakes. They consistently and bravely show
vulnerability to others. In fact, they are keenly aware how their behavior impacts others. You can communicate
your needs and feelings honestly when someone engages you directly, but you may not always take the
initiative to be assertive with others. In this sense, it is likely that you seek to understand others, rather than
seek for others to understand you. Bottom line: you need someone who will not put up emotional barriers
when you seek to understand his/her thoughts and feelings, but rather will communicate with you
intimately and candidly.
Next, PlentyofFish presents some customized probing questions to use as is or as inspiration to develop your
own to help you explore your communication needs with potential partners:

Do you ever feel afraid that once a romantic partner gets to know you really well, that s/he will like
who you really are or will think less of you?
Do you find it difficult to trust a romantic partner completely? Explain
Would you feel uncomfortable telling your partner about things in the past of which you felt
ashamed?

Conflict resolution

Conflict Resolution refers to your stress management and problem solving skills.
Effective conflict resolution has nine general elements: View Conflict as Positive; Address Conflict in the
Proper Atmosphere; Clarify Perceptions; Note Needs, not wants; Draw on the Power of a Positive Partnership;
Focus on the Future, then learn from the past; Identify Options for Mutual Gain; Develop Doables or
stepping stones to action; and Make Mutually-Beneficial Agreements. Your score indicates that you are
strongest in the areas of Viewing Conflict as Positive (as learning opportunities); Clarifying Perceptions;
Noting Needs; Drawing on Power of a Positive Partnership; and Developing Doables or stepping stones for
actions. This all suggests that you are very action-oriented when addressing problems. Rather than avoid
conflict, you seem to evaluate the possible solutions and then actively engage your partner to work on a
positive outcome. Your definition of positive outcomes, however, may not always agree with your partners
definition. For example, in eagerness to find what appears to be a complete and genuine resolution of a conflict
rather than settling for a temporary agreement, you may focus on meeting your needs while unwittingly
downplaying or minimizing whether your partners needs have been met as well. Furthermore, people in this
scoring range do not consistently consider the Proper Atmosphere when addressing relationship problems.
That is, you may neither consistently arrange for a mutually acceptable time and setting nor choose your
opening statement carefully to establish positive yet realistic expectations. Bottom line: you need someone
who is calm, cool and collected and who is willing to address issues spontaneously and through intense,
action-oriented debates and discussions.
Next, PlentyofFish presents some customized probing questions to use as is or as inspiration to develop your
own to help you explore your conflict resolution needs with potential partners:

Would you describe yourself as a rapid thinker? Explain

When you become frustrated at not being able to figure out the solution to a problem, does that make
you work even harder to solve it? Explain
On a typical day, would you describe yourself as a person who likes frequent change? Explain

Food for Thought! PlentyofFish wants you to know about some idiosyncrasies the assessment identified in
you. These are issues for you to contemplate on your own or explore with a professional relationship/dating
coach.

Issues you seem to Under-value

To me, problems are learning opportunities. Possible reasons you responded this way include negative
motivations and positive motivations. On the negative side, it could mean that you are impatient or a negative
thinker, that you do not have effective coping and stress management skills, that you do not have a strong
support group around you or that you have a low self esteem. On the positive side, it could mean that you do
not over think or over analyze situations or that you are pragmatic and concerned with immediate issues rather
than the philosophical meaning of them.

Sexuality

Sexuality refers to your needs (frequency, boundaries, expressions) related to physical intimacy.
Scientific models of love and attachment always include physical chemistry and sexuality. It is a crucial topic
for any couple to address, because it involves issues of control and vulnerability. People at your scoring level
have a firm sense of their sexual orientation, preferred sexual activities and comfort level. You like sex that is
romantic, adventurous and fun, but for you sex is not a casual event. Sex has great importance in your
relationship, and it is reserved for someone you love. You may think your sexual preferences would be viewed
as conservative by others, but you are no prude. You are confident in your own sexual ability and are open to
try various activities. In fact, you probably like to experiment actively. A defining characteristic of people in
this scoring range is their willingness to be vulnerable and relinquish control in the bedroom to their partners.
In other words, you are not sexually selfish you like to focus on pleasing your partner and submitting to
his/her desires. Bottom line: you need someone who regards sex as a meaningful bond between people in
love and who appreciates being the center of attention in the bedroom.
Next, PlentyofFish presents some customized probing questions to use as is or as inspiration to develop your
own to help you explore your sexual needs with potential partners:

Would you eagerly talk to your partner about your sexual fantasies?
Is it like you to direct your partner what to do in bed so s/he knows best how to please you?
In your mind, is there any difference between having sex and making love?

Attitudes toward love

Attitudes Toward Love refers to your level of needs for romantic love and friendship love.
There are two main types of love Romantic Love and Companionate Love. Romantic Love is passionate,
emotional and intense, whereas Companionate Love is a deep, affectionate attachment. People feel these two
types of loves to different degrees in a relationship, and the levels of each can fluctuate over time. You scored
as someone who may be best described as "a realist with a touch of hopeless romantic. This means that you
do value Romantic Love, but for you a relationship must have a strong dose of Companionate Love. Thus,
people in this scoring range typically believe that differences can be overcome and lasting love can be
sustained if the couple does the hard of work of consistently showing mutual understanding and
accommodation. In this sense, it is likely that you believe soul mates are made, not born. Bottom line: you
need someone who believes that the best kind of love grows out of a strong friendship.
Next, PlentyofFish presents some customized probing questions to use as is or as inspiration to develop your
own to help you explore your love attitude needs with potential partners:

Do you believe that the best kind of love grows out of strong friendship?
In your opinion, how can a couple overcome differences on issues like religion, ethnicity, politics or
social class?
When it comes to a romantic partner, how would define someone who is unusually well adjusted?
Food for Thought! PlentyofFish wants you to know about some idiosyncrasies the assessment identified in
you. These are issues for you to contemplate on your own or explore with a professional relationship/dating
coach.

Issues you seem to Over-value

My partner is the sort of person whom I myself would like to be. Possible reasons you responded this way
include negative motivations and positive motivations. On the negative side, it could mean that you do not
value individuality and are not an independent thinker, that you are enmeshed with your partner and that you
have unstable self esteem. On the positive side, it could mean that you are neither self absorbed nor egotistical,
that you have good emotional intelligence or that you appreciate the value of mentors and role models.

Preferred Expressions of Affection

Preferred Expressions of Affection refers to your likes and dislikes for different ways a partner can express
love and devotion.
There are many ways in which people show affection to their loved ones: physical touch, doing favors,
spending time together, giving gifts or communicating love through words. Statistically, you gave higher
weighted ratings to Gifts. Bottom line: You need someone who can express affection through tangible
surprises such as fun gifts s/he makes, souvenirs purchased on business trips or beautiful tokens or
presents that show s/he remembers and celebrates special occasions.
Next, PlentyofFish presents some customized probing questions to use as is or as inspiration to develop your
own to help you explore your affection needs with potential partners:

Is it more like you to surprise a partner with single, extravagant gifts or shower the person with little
gifts or surprises here and there?
Is it difficult for you to come up with personalized gift ideas for loved ones?
Do you think giving gifts is really just an attempt to buy someones affection?

Out of the various modes of expressing affection, Actions received lower weighted ratings from you. Bottom
line: This does not necessarily mean that you neither like nor need Actions. Rather, it suggests that you
need someone who feels that simple or grand acts of kindness are no substitutes for other expressions of
affection such as telling you how they feel, treating you like a partner, touching you lovingly, spending
time with you or remembering special occasions with a thoughtful gift.
Next, PlentyofFish presents some customized probing questions to use as is or as inspiration to develop your
own to help you explore your affection needs with potential partners:

In what ways if any do you like for a partner to depend on you?

Have you offered to throw a party for someone? if so, why did you take on that responsibility?
What are some things you have done for other people that they would say were the most thoughtful?