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parents fail to receive child support in the United States. Even more disturbing, It
would seem that even if parents provide child support its to little to support the
When you take into account the sick days needed to take care of the child, food
needed to feed the child and the general mental pressures of being an adult, its clear
that the custodial parent (which it should be noted, could be either a man or
women) needs much more than a person wiring money to an account and going
about their day. To fail to provide a presence in that childs life is the ultimate
transgression of love and connectedness you could put them through. It also puts a
strain on the relationship between you, the other parent, and the child caught in the
Many men would complain about the exorbitant amount of child support payments
that theyre forced to pay or how women may fall through the cracks of the system,
being judged and sentenced more leniently. While this is true in some cases, in the
system that oversees decree laws-in cases of divorce-and other kinds of child-care
are broken.
This brokenness of the system leads to some people to pay more child support than
they can actually afford, and others to pay less than they make. Which is worse,
being responsible for $1000 a month when youre already struggling to pay your
bills, or paying $300 a month when you make $40,000 a year? I would venture to
say that this leads to resentment on both side of the equation, one that causes strain
on both the parents and the child. The problem is, child support is about so much
The importance of child support isnt only financial, but mental and emotional as
well. The non-custodial parent has to be in the life of the child, in whatever way is
worked out between the parents (if the child is old enough their input should be an
essential factor as well.) Even though the custodial parent may love the child, single
parenthood isnt a walk in the park. The child may become psychologically damaged
Dr. Edward Kruk, in his Psychology Today article Father Absence, Father Deficient,
fathers are not involved in their lives, struggling with their emotions and episodic
The child is also much more likely to feel unworthy and unlovable. They often feel as
if they have to prove themselves and find love in other places. In an article on
He experiences confusion and asks questions about why his mother left him. He
feels guilt, believing that he did something and what made his mother leave him
stepparents or caregivers. The child believes that if he begins to love the new
adult, that person will also leave. He grieves for the lost relationship
The presence of the custodial parent also has far-reaching effects. What if the
parent has to take a number of vacation days off because the child is sick?
They cant always afford time off so this may cause a lack of cash flow coming
back to the household. This could be made even worse by the lack of money
for child support I spoke about in the beginning. How will the parent deal
with the stressors of not being able to feed the child(ren) and put food on the
table? The answer lies in the support and cooperation of both parties
involved.
In short, its obvious that child support doesnt simply end with one parent
handing money to the custodial parent and driving away. Its a coordination
of support from both parents for the sake of the child. As shown, a lack of
effects, and could impact the child in throughout their life in profoundly
negative ways. However, the opposite is also true. Because of this, we have to
make sure that we put our children first and allow them to flourish with in a