Frame Control PDF

George Hutton mindpersuasion.
com
Frame
Control
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
1
George Hutton mindpersuasion.com
Contents
............................................................................................................................................... 3
................................................................................................................................................ 10
................................................................................................................................................ 15
........................................................................................................................................ 16
............................................................................................................................................... 20
.................................................................................................................................. 21
............................................................................................................................................. 23
............................................................................................................................................. 24
............................................................................................................................................... 27
Ultimate Goal ........................................................................................................................................... 28
....................................................................................................................... 30
Strong Frame Ingredients ...................................................................................................................... 38
.............................................................................................................. 41
.................................................................................................................................... 50
............................................................................................... 60
General Frame Idea Summary ............................................................................................................... 66
............................................................................................................ 77
........................................................................................................................................... 82
Biggest Obstacle to Positive Beliefs and Strong Frames .................................................................. 94
............................................................................................................................................... 100
................................................................................................................... 111
.............................................................................................................................................. 121
.................................................................................................................................................... 124
2
Firstly, thank you and congratulations for purchasing this

course. The desire to improve ourselves is very common.
Taking action to do so is not. Simply because you are
reading these words now, you are part of a very elite group
of people.
Imagine what it will feel like when you have absolute frame
control in any and all situations.
Before we get into definitions of what a frame is, what the

components of a strong frame are and how you can get
them, consider these situations.
Imagine having a conversation with a friend. You want to

do something, and he or she wants to do something
completely different. Maybe you're arguing over the choice
of restaurant. Maybe you're arguing over vacation plans.
You stop; think for a moment, your face and body
language neutral.
Then you look at you friend, and simply say, "I think idea X
is a better choice. Why don't we do that?"
Your friend looks at you, thinks about it, and agrees. No

argument. No slippery language patterns. No threats or
negotiations.
Consider another situation. You see a person you are

attracted to. You take a few moments trading flirty eye
contact. You walk over, smile and introduce yourself. After
3
about a minute, you say something like this:
"Well, I don't really have a lot of time. You seem like a very
interesting person, and I'd like to get to know you. Why
don't you give me your number so we can get together
later?"
He or she smiles as if that's EXACTLY what they wanted to

hear. They can't give you their number fast enough.
A third situation. You're in a tough meeting at work.

Nobody knows what to do. You have an idea. While it's not
foolproof by any means, you think it's better than all the
ideas presented so far. You clear your throat to get
everybody's attention. You slowly describe your idea while
scanning the room and making eye contact with
everybody.
When you finish, the room is silent. Everybody else glances

at each other, and then at the boss. The boss agrees its a
good idea, and says lets get started.
One more situation. You're selling something to somebody.

Maybe door to door. Maybe you've got a shop that people
come into. The item or service you are selling is several
thousand dollars.
You finish your sales presentation and describe how this

product or service is a perfect fit for your customers, based
on what they've told you. Your "close" is this:
"Well, I really think this is a good decision for you. Why

don't you buy it right now?"
4
They look at each other, and give you a smile like a little kid
on Christmas. Of course they'll buy it!
None of these situations involve logic. None of these

situations involve a straight up conscious trade of them
doing something in exchange for you getting something.
All of them involve you expressing your opinion. A

subjective idea. A recommendation based on limited
knowledge. And in every situation, they agree. Not
grudgingly. Happily. They are eager to do what you've
suggested.
Girls or guys will happily give you their numbers. Friends

will readily agree with you. Customers will happily buy
from you. Family members, coworkers and others will
respect and admire you.
Not because of logic. Not because of any conscious proof of

your ideas or suggestions.
Because of your frame.
What will that do you for? How will your life be better? How
much better will your relationships be? How much better
will your finances be?
Consider these questions as you read through this course,

and go through the mental and listening exercises.
Frame control is very powerful. Without a strong frame,

there's not a lot you cant do. Even if you've spent years
5
memorizing the best language patterns, pickup lines, and

sales pitches, without a strong frame, others will easily be
able to find flaws in your logic and punch holes in your
game.
But with a strong enough frame, you will scarcely need any
other language technology. Naturally, having a strong
frame coupled with powerfully persuasive language
technology can make you one of the most sought after
people on Earth.
Frame is like your underlying energy. Your underlying

presence that's very hard to define, yet easy to feel. If
you've got strong inner energy, then your outer "game,"
regardless of what you're doing, will only need to be basic.
But with a weak frame, or a week sense of personal

energy, any amount of outer game will fall flat.
It can help to think of the relationship between frame and

surface structure communication like thinking about the
difference between spontaneous order, as it's described in
economics, and top down management.
Trying to force surface structure techniques onto a weak

frame is similar to imposing draconian top down
management techniques on a weak team.
But a strong team, even without a leader, can perform

much better than a weak team with a dominant,
micro-managing leader.
Another way to think of it as the frosting and the cake. If

6
you've got a delicious cake, you don't really need the

frosting. It will be a great added effect, but if you don't
have any frosting, you'll still be able to enjoy the cake.
However, with a poorly made cake, too salty, or too sweet,

even the best frosting won't make it palatable.
Some spend their lives studying surface structure

technology, without addressing the underlying frame. This
is like spending all your time making the frosting, and just
adding the cake as an afterthought.
But humans aren't cakes. We are wonderfully complex

organisms that live in a world filled with interdependent
variables, feedback loops and a huge chasm between
what's really going on out there, and what we think is going
on.
One way to create a strong frame, and have rock solid

frame control is to "fake it till you make it."
You may try to memorize some sales techniques or pickup

techniques. You say those lines without really "feeling
them." You pretend you're selling a great product that you
believe in. You try your best to look calm and confident and
relaxed. One out of every twenty customer buys. Keep it
up long enough, and then maybe one out of every ten
customers will buy.
Pretty soon, after you've sold maybe ten times, you start
to recall those sales while pitching the next client. Pretty
soon your confidence is real. This helps you sell more.
Which further builds up your confidence.
7
This is the strategy that most salespeople use. This is the

strategy that most people use when dating and finding
relationships. This is the strategy most people use for life.
It works. But it has its obvious drawbacks.
It takes a lot of time. It creates a lot of stress. And if you've

ever tried this with any kind of sales job or in any social
setting, you know that it takes tremendous amounts of will
power to keep pushing through until you get to that
magical tipping point, when your confidence is greater
than your anxiety.
If you've ever been in a commissioned sales job, you know

the turnover is horrific. Most insurance companies, for
example, that pay pure commissions are always hiring on
an ongoing basis.
They have employee trainings on a weekly basis. They hire

a hundred people. Spend a week training them. Then send
them out to sell. Maybe twenty of them will be there the
next week. After that, maybe ten will be left. After a couple
months, they've maybe kept one person from that original
group.
In this course, we'll be going through Frame Control step

by step.
We'll define it and see how it works in several situations.

We'll understand what having a strong frame means, and
how you can get one in the shortest possible time. When
you finish this guide, you'll know exactly what to practice,
8
precisely how to set your mind when going into various

situations, and you'll know how to change the meaning of
your reality on the fly.
9
What is a frame? A structural frame is the most important

part of the house, along with the foundation. If you have a
beautiful house on a weak frame, you've got problems.
With a strong frame, you can change the exterior of your
house as often as you want.
A beautiful frame around a picture is enough to make even

a bland picture sparkle. A plain, stained wooden frame
around even a Van Gogh may make it look questionable.
Like maybe its a fake.
When we speak of a "frame" in human interactions, we

refer to the meaning of the interaction. It's the definition of
what is actually going on.
When politicians run into trouble, the first thing they ask is
"How are we going to frame this?"
The frame of any event, as it is happening is very slippery

and very open to interpretation. If you see a man walk into
a store with a gun, and a ski mask on his head, you may
frame this scenario as a criminal committing a crime.
A reporter who happened to be in the area may frame this

same scenario as her lucky break, since news has been
slow lately, and she happens to be wearing a hidden
camera on her lapel.
The person being robbed may be terrified, and see this as a

horrible emotional event from which they may never
10
recover.
The guy holding the gun may think this event is him doing
his best to get money to feed his family, which has 24
hours to come up with the rent money before they all get
kicked out on the street.
A local politician may frame this as a reason to increase the

police budget.
All of these people are correct.
So our first definition of a "frame" is any meaning that can

be given to a specific situation, based on a subjective
viewpoint of that situation.
Frame Definition
The Frame of any situation is the subjective meaning of

that situation.
Now, obviously there are going to be many different

frames for any given situation. There can be several,
co-existing frames to describe the same situation.
The person who got robbed will, of course, forever see this
in her own subjective terms, since she was at the center of
the action.
But even then her frame, or her meaning of those events,

will change over time.
The first few weeks after the robbery, she'll define it like
11
she originally expected. A harrowing and emotionally

traumatizing event. But as the years go by, it could very
well change into several different meanings. If she seeks
grief counseling, and ends up meeting her husband, it
could be described as a great event.
On the other hand, she could develop horrible social

phobia, and end up on welfare.
How about the robber? At first, his definition was him

supporting his family. But chances are he'll later describe
that event as a horrible mistake that sent him to prison.
How about the reporter? Maybe she was right, and she got
the story of the year. Maybe it helped launch her career.
How about the politician? Perhaps he was successful in

increasing the city's budget, which added more policemen
to the force. And this ended up saving lives. This helped
him get reelected, so the politician agrees this was a great
event.
This one event, a robbery, could easily be a great event for

three people, and a terrible event for one man and his
family.
In above case, every person involved with the event, and

their subsequent description of the event (the Frame) all
had it fall in their lap. It was not something they were
planning. It just happened.
Only the robber planned for it to happen, and it went

completely opposite of what he wanted to have happen.
12
This example illustrates some important points. One is that

you can define events that are either planned, or
unplanned. Your ability to create and hold a certain frame
of an event is independent of the source of the event.
Let's take a look at the woman who was robbed. Let's

imagine she is a very strong woman. She was shaken for a
bit, but she refused to be a victim. She learned martial
arts. She went to grief counseling. She read books on
self-confidence. She used the event to spark a positive
change in herself. The event wasn't planned by her, but
she decided to give in a positive meaning. She chose
consciously to hold a positive, resourceful frame around a
potentially lethal event that she didn't plan.
This first lesson is crucial to understand. Whether you walk

through life planning every step, with tons of short term
and long term goals, or whether you simply wander the
Earth seeking adventure, having a the ability to frame
events according to your choice is an incredibly resourceful
skill to have.
Burn this into your brain. If you choose the frame, you win,
no matter what happens. If you let somebody else choose
the frame, you are at their mercy.
The woman above didn't choose the event, but she chose
the frame.
The robber chose the event, but his frame was

overwhelmed by those around him.
13
In the above case, (which is purely fiction) simply because

the victim of an armed robbery had a stronger "frame
setting skill" than the criminal, she won, and the criminal
lost.
14
Your ability to control the frame, to set the meaning of any

event is independent of how that event came to pass.
Strong Frame Control will help you regardless of whether
you plan the events, somebody else plans them, or they
happen randomly.
This also helps us to set up definition two. The meaning of

Frame Control.
Frame Control Definition
Frame Control is the ability to set the meaning of any

situation to your own benefit.
15
Let's review what we've discovered so far. One is the frame

of any situation is simply the meaning given to a situation.
We know this is subjective. We know that events that
happen can have many subjective meanings. We also
know that frame control refers to your ability to give
meaning to a situation, at will, so that situation will end up
as a net benefit, to you, on a subjective level.
We also know that the ability to control the frame is

independent of the initiation or cause of the event. You can
plan it, somebody else can plan it, or it can simply happen
randomly.
Now we're ready to understand specifically how you can

develop the skill to control the frame in any situation.
There are two types of Frame Control that we'll be looking

at. One is to control the frame based on a predetermined
outcome, another is to control the frame toward a yet to be
discovered outcome.
Bad things happen to people all the time. Some respond

with strength of character and incredible resilience. Others
collapse into themselves and never recover.
Consider the previous story, specifically the woman who

was robbed. She didn't plan on being robbed, nor did she
set out that particular day to find a husband. Yet her
resilience to hold up after the robbery led to her eventually
meet her husband.
16
This is a case of controlling the frame to achieve a

beneficial outcome that is not yet determined. This is when
something seemingly "bad" happens, and you get to work
to find the silver lining. With this frame of mind, anything
can be an opportunity. Anything can lead to a fantastic
relationship, a pile of riches, or a lifelong dream job.
This is what people typically think of when they think of

Frame Control. Responding to things, good or bad, and
turning them into good things. This is the heart of the
saying, "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade."
This is an incredible skill to have. If you have only this skill,

the resilience to turn any situation, good or bad, into an
opportunity from which you will benefit, youll be able to
achieve more than 99% of the population.
You'll be able to leave your home, wander the Earth in

search of adventure, and improve yourself no matter what
happens.
History is filled with people who found themselves in

horrible positions only to turn them around into astounding
victories. Nelson Mandela rotting away in prison for many
years only to become a world recognized hero and political
leader. Victor Frankl being sent to a concentration camp in
Nazi Germany only to turn that experience into a wonderful
book that has helped millions. The list goes on and on.
No matter what happens to you, you can easily turn it into

a fantastic outcome.
17
But that is just scratching the surface. True Frame Control,

that will give you a massive advantage over any person
and any situation, is when you combine the skill to define
the meaning of any particular situation with a preset goal
or collection of goals.
Consider the newspaper reporter. She definitely set out

that particular day in search of a story. In fact, her eyes
were likely peeled every single minute, scanning her
environment for anything that could be newsworthy.
Compare her to somebody who goes about their daily

routine. They wake up, go to work, go home, watch some
TV and then fall asleep. When they are out in public, they
are sleep walking. Their minds are turned off. They have no
filters that are sorting for opportunities. When they go out
into the world, their main goal is to encounter the least
amount of trouble possible.
But not that news reporter. She looks through a special

filter of her own creation. She is always on the lookout for
something interesting. Something dangerous. Something
scandalous. So when she saw something that might be a
robbery, she sprang into action.
She had a preset filter, she had a strong goal in mind, and
she pounced on that opportunity before anybody else likely
noticed what was going on.
By now you're likely starting to realize something. It is

entirely possible (but not required) that one person's
success is dependent on another person's demise. This is
simply the way the world works sometimes. The reporter
18
was looking for news. News that sells is almost always bad.
When bad things happen, there is invariably fallout. The
robbers family is now without a breadwinner. Many people
wouldn't have been able to recover from a robbery like our
fictional woman did. In a sense, a newspaper reporter, with
a strong outcome, and strong frame control, benefited at
the potential expense of others.
Which brings us to our second lesson.
19
The benefit you derive from any situation, based on your

ability to control the frame, is independent of the benefit or
loss of any other participants.
20
Ideally, we'd want to choose a frame that benefits us as

well as others. Our second choice would be to benefit
ourselves without causing any harm to others. The third
choice, benefiting ourselves at the expense of others,
should not be done lightly, and only as a last result.
One of the reasons many people don't like reporters is that

they tend to benefit at the expense of others. They tend to
swarm to horrible events. Their very salary depends on it.
They talk to people when they are at the lowest point of
their lives.
When things happen, they are going to affect everybody in

the vicinity. In this situation, it's every person for
themselves. Youre not responsible for taking care of
strangers, unless you are already taken care of yourself.
In these situations, creating and holding a strong frame is

your first priority. The better you are at creating and
holding a frame, the more adept you'll be at turning every
situation into a win-win situation where everybody
benefits.
It's quite common for people who resort to very negative

tactics in order to protect their own frame. It's important to
understand those particular tactics are defensive.
Generally speaking, their first instinct is to protect their
frame. Their behavior is a means to an end, which is their
own self-protection. It's only because they are limited in
skills do they hurt others in the process. To them, often
21
times on a subconscious level, their hurting of others is

collateral damage that simply can't be avoided.
Everybody's prime directive, on a deep level, is safety. If

something happens, and you interpret that as being
dangerous to your safety, you will lash out to protect
yourself. This is true for physical safety as well as ego
safety.
Many times people behave badly because their

interpretation of the event leads them to think their ego is
in danger. So they behave by lashing out at others in an
attempt to protect their ego.
Which brings us to our third lesson.
22
Whether a danger is real or imagined, we will respond as if

were real.
23
Now we're getting into the good stuff. It's fine to walk the
Earth and turn mishaps into opportunities. But we don't
want to wait around for stuff to happen. We want to make
things happen. We want to make things happen that will
benefit us and ideally everybody else.
Let's take a moment and talk about win-win outcomes.

This sounds like an overused sales strategy. But consider
this.
Let's say you meet a stranger. Socially, professionally,

however you'd like to imagine it. You have an outcome.
You interact with them in order to get your outcome.
Because of your strong Frame Control, the meaning of the
interaction with that person, you achieve your outcome.
The meaning of the conversation, the interaction, is a
situation that will help you get that outcome.
When you buy something, the money in your hand is a

means to an end. The meaning of that money is something
that will be traded for what you want.
When you see a bridge across a river, the meaning of that

bridge is clear. A tool to use to help you get to the other
side without getting wet.
When you see some food, and you're hungry, the meaning
is clear; it is a tool to help you eliminate your hunger, as
well as feel the pleasure of eating.
24
When you see that stranger we mentioned above, the

structure is the same. That person, or that conversation
you are about to have with that person, is a tool to help you
get what you want.
Now, back to the win-win analogy. If you get what you

want, and in the process, the other person also gets what
they want, guess what? They will also see you, or an
interaction with you, as a tool to help them get what they
want.
Whenever humans interact with the world, in any way, to

get our needs met, and we DO get our needs met, we will
repeat the process. Humans are hard wired to repeat any
process that works.
So when you interact with others in a way where you both

get what you want, they will want to interact with you
again. They will enjoy your company. They will see you as
charismatic and magnetic. They will think about you when
you're not around. They won't be focused on you getting
what you want; they'll be focused on them getting what
they want. And anybody who experiences a kind stranger
that comes out of the blue to help them get what they want
will remember that person. Usually for a long, long time.
So consider establishing a win-win strategy of all your

interactions.
Now, this is a somewhat simple example. Rarely do people

behave like this. Whenever we interact with somebody,
they've got their own intentions and outcomes. They've
got their own skill level of controlling the frame, whether
25
they know it consciously or not.
Which brings us to our next lesson.
26
Whoever has the strongest frame, or the strongest ability

to control the frame, will "win" the interaction.
27
Ultimate Goal
This is our goal here. To understand what a frame is. To

understand what frame control means. And to learn how to
control the frame during interactions with others. As
touched on above, if you can control the frame while you
interact with others, so that both parties end up better off,
people will literally follow you to the ends of the Earth.
Now, let's consider a different in meanings of individual

frames, and how they differ from the strengths of the
individual frames. We'll see these are also independent.
Consider the robber. His outcome was to get money to pay

his rent. That was the meaning of his interaction with the
store clerk. "This interaction means I'll be able to pay the
rent."
Consider the reporter. Her outcome was to get a news

story. The meaning of the event, her frame, was that the
event was something people would want to know about,
and she would be recognized for telling them. "This
interaction means I'm going to noticed by my boss, and
boost my career."
Two completely different meanings of the same event. One

meaning turned out correct, one meaning didn't.
The reason they ended up differently is dependent on the

STRENGHT of each individual meaning. The reporter was
locked and loaded, she was ready with her camera and any
other recording devices. She had a job at a news service.
28
She had a degree in journalism. She was specifically

looking for stories. She had been looking for stories for a
long time. She had developed a skill for looking for stories
and turning them into news.
The robber was different. This was likely his first attempt.
He didn't have any experience. He had likely never shot
anybody either. He was desperate. He was hoping rather
than planning. Perhaps even, on a subconscious level, he
wanted to get caught. Once in prison, the burden of paying
rent would be lifted. Perhaps him being in prison would
make it easier on his family to receive living assistance.
The takeaway is that the strength of his meaning was

weak. He was hoping, rather than planning, and
incongruent.
Her meaning was strong. She was practiced, skilled, and

congruent. Every part of her wanted that story.
Now the billion dollar question. The very reason you

bought this course. How do you increase the strength of
your frame?
There are many ways that you are about to learn.
29
Before we begin to discuss how to increase your ability to

control the frame in almost any situation, we'll need to
understand the basic psychological constructs of a strong
frame.
Just like making a cake, we've first got to understand what

goes in it. Flour, sugar, eggs, milk, butter. Once we
understand how we can put together a cake, we can then
start to make our cake better and better, by adding in not
only different ingredients, but also higher quality
ingredients. When you combine the right, high quality
ingredients, mixed in the right proportion, you can have a
pretty good cake.
When you build your frame with the right high quality
ingredients, you'll have a pretty strong frame.
As its basic element, the number one skill to be able to

create a strong frame is the ability to give meaning to an
event. The more choices you have when giving meaning to
an event, the more choices you'll have with the type of
frame you'll be constructing.
Imagine this situation. You are walking down the street,

and you see an attractive person. You make brief eye
contact at them, and smile. They don't move a muscle.
They are looking right at you, so you know they saw you.
But they don't smile, they don't frown, they completely
disregard you.
30
What does this mean? It could mean that they hate your
guts and want to stick an ice pick in your eye socket at the
first opportunity. It could mean they are on their way to a
life or death meeting with a judge. It could mean they are
going to tell their husband or wife they want a divorce. It
could mean they have horrible diarrhea and they are on the
verge of losing it right there on the street. Or it could mean
you are the person of their dreams, and they are petrified
in fear.
How about this situation. You are sitting on your couch, at

home watching TV. There is a knock at the door. The knock
is pretty loud, and pretty regular. Mechanical even. What
does this mean?
It could mean the police have come to haul you away. It

could mean your best friend has a great discovery and
can't wait to show you. It could mean some really rich guy
has crashed into your parked car and is ready to hand you
a sack of cash to compensate for it.
One more. It's Friday, and you're at work. One hour before
quitting time. You hear your boss bellow at you from his
corner office. "Johnson! Get in my office at once!" Since
your name is Johnson, this means you. What does this
mean? You are about to get fired? Something horrible has
happened and your boss thinks you are the only one who
can fix it?
Here's a true story. I had that happen to me. I was

downstairs at my desk. My boss called me. "Get up here
now," he said, in a not too friendly voice. In the minute it
31
took me to get up there, I was racking my brain trying to

figure out what the problem was. As soon as I walked in his
office, he stood up, not even giving me a chance to sit
down. "Follow me," he said, without even making eye
contact.
He went off to HIS bosss office, without even looking back.

Trailing behind, I started to try and remember the last time
I updated my resume.
We walked in his bosss office, and we all sat down. My

boss told me what a great job I'd been doing, and handed
me a completely unexpected bonus check for $2,000.
Here are some "truths" about human nature. What we are

most afraid of usually doesn't happen. Whenever we are
facing a rough situation, it's usually not nearly as rough as
we think it is.
Here's something else to consider. Our brains are hard

wired to be much more sensitive to danger than pleasure.
Otherwise we would have died out a long time ago.
Now, let's consider that "reality" is neutral. And let's say

that when you think something is going to be bad, and it
turns out not so bad, that means we "undershoot" reality.
Unless we take steps to counter this natural effect,

whenever something happens, and we don't have time to
evaluate the situation logically, we will almost ALWAYS
undershoot "reality." Meaning we will tend to image things
as worse than they are.
32
There are two crucial points to consider here.
One is that our "go to" meaning in any situation will

generally be worse than it really is.
Two, which follows from one, is that our "meaning" of any

event is usually wrong.
That person you saw on the street doesn't want to kill you
or doesn't hate you.
That person knocking at your door is not the cops or the

IRS.
When the boss calls you to his or her office, it's probably
not to fire you or reprimand you.
I know what you're thinking. Your boss only talks to you

when they are angry. People on the street really do have
ice picks hidden in their purses or back pockets.
But consider this. We humans are always on the lookout for

danger. When we see an unfamiliar situation, we quickly
recall anything from our past that may indicate we are in
trouble.
Most of us have been yelled at by our boss at one point (or

our parents or teachers of whom our bosses
subconsciously remind us of). Most of us have been told to
take a hike, in not so friendly words, by a member of the
opposite sex.
So left to its own devices, our brains WILL conjure up some

33
pretty scary things from our past, when deciding how to

"frame" any event that happens in the world.
Unless you go into a situation where you have a lot of

recent success, you'll naturally be a bit on the defensive
side.
A robbery is a terrible thing. Only after the fact can the

shopkeeper from our previous example turn it around. The
robber framed the meaning before he went in. The reporter
had a semi-frame set up (looking for news) before it
happened. This gives us a clue as to how to build a frame.
First Method to Create a Frame
Plan the event or situation that you are giving meaning to.
Second Method to Create a Frame
Have a pre-made, "flexible frame" that you can apply, on

the fly, in various situations.
So, we've got two ways to create or establish a frame. To

create or establish the meaning of any given situation.
Both can be weak, or both can be strong.
The robber initiated the robbery, so he had his frame set

before he went in. But his frame was weak, because his
frame of "this event means I can pay the rent" quickly was
overpowered by an external source, into the frame of "this
event means I am going to jail."
Although the robber went into the event with a pre-defined

34
frame, it wasn't strong.
Let's explore some ideas why it wasn't strong.
No Experience
The robber went into a situation where he had little or no

experience. He didn't know what to expect.
Improper Time Frame
His frame was only true for that short time when he was in
the store, with the gun. Had he had a frame of "this
incident means I will pay the rent without going to jail," he
may have had a better chance.
Discounting the Frames of Others - Negative Social

Proof
He may have thought about the frame of the shop keeper,

but that's about it. He likely didn't consider the police, the
politicians, or even the reporter. He didn't have a plan how
he would deal with those frames, when they came up.
Pretty much everybody except him had a different
meaning for that event.
Discounting the Negative Impact on Others
When we benefit at the expense of others, it's very

dangerous. They may not respond right away, but they
may scheme and plan and figure out a way to "get back at
us." Perhaps the local police frequent that shop and know
the shopkeeper on a first name basis. Perhaps the
shopkeeper or store owner is an established member of the
35
community. The robber inadvertently set up a situation

where many people took on the frame, "This incident
means we are responsible for finding who did this."
Negative Beliefs about the Frame
It's likely that the robber was worried about getting

caught. Few people feel comfortable and confident when
committing armed robbery. And the robber likely
acknowledged to himself that he was causing harm to
others.
The reporter, on the other hand had a strong frame that

held. Let's explore why.
Experience with That Same Frame
She likely had a lot of experience looking for news. She is

likely efficient in taking names, having good
communication skills when interviewing people. She has
experience with what makes news, and what doesn't.
Congruent With Other Frames - Positive Social Proof
Her frame that the meaning of the incident is a big news

story, was likely supported by her colleagues, and by the
public at large. Her frame had social proof.
Little Negative Impact on Others
Reporting a news story on a robbery won't likely create any

negative impact on anybody. On the contrary, talking
about a robbery will likely bring sympathy to the victim,
which may later help them overcome the event and put
36
their own positive frame on it.
Positive Beliefs about Frame
The reporter likely believed she was doing a morally

upright duty of reporting a crime. So she wasn't conflicted
in the least about her meaning of the situation.
37
Strong Frame Ingredients

Now we're ready to determine the basic ingredients of a
strong frame that will likely hold any attempt to shake it or
weaken it. Keep in mind that seldom are all of these
ingredients necessary, and all ingredients are on a
stronger-weaker scale. Having one or two of them in
abundance is usually enough to have a strong,
unbreakable frame.
Keep in mind that these are only how to HOLD a frame.

More later on how to CREATE a frame.
Social Proof
Having a frame that is consistent with the frame of others

will help a great deal. If you are a world famous comedian,
for example, standing up on stage will be a lot easier to tell
jokes. You've got the frame that "the meaning of this is me
telling jokes to people," while all the people in the audience
will be holding the same frame, "the meaning of this event
is for him to tell jokes to us."
On the other hand, if you stand on a street corner yelling

out one-liners, you may hold that frame, but others may
think you are some crazy homeless person trying to collect
some money for your next bottle of whiskey.
Experience
It's much easier to hold a frame that you've successfully

held before without any trouble.
38
Belief
Having positive beliefs about yourself, and your

capabilities will help a great deal. If you've never given a
speech before, and you aren't sure if you can, your frame
may quickly switch from "I'm giving a great speech that
will impress everybody" to "Im going to get through this
without fainting," rather quickly.
Strong Goals
If you are committed to getting something, you won't likely

be dissuaded. If you are hungry, and you've got enough
money, going "downtown" may mean "getting something
to eat" regardless of what happens. It may take a while,
but with a strong goal to eat, you won't likely be persuaded
by anybody or any event to NOT eat.
Weak Opposition
Most of our frames will be countered by the frames of

others. And if our frames have different meanings about
the same event, the person who has the strongest frame,
or the strongest belief of what is happening, will usually
end up defining the event, and having that definition, or
frame, accepted as valid by the other person.
So if you come up against somebody with a weaker frame,

it will naturally be easier to hold your own frame.
Resilience
Now, this may seem self-evident, and in many cases part

of the same thing, but it bears attention on its own.
39
Resilience is simply not giving up. You can have a resilient

personality, or you can have resilience as it affects a
current pursuit. You can have short term resilience, or you
can have long term resilience.
Resilience is also related to how much responsibility you're

willing to take in any given situation, or how much you are
dependent on others.
40
If those are the skills to hold a frame, what are the skills to
create a frame? Let's explore some of them. Before we do,
let's review that old story that's been told for my purposes.
Once there was a farmer, with two sons. One day, one of
his sons came back with a wild horse he'd found. "Wow,
you're so lucky!" Said his neighbors. "Maybe," Said the
farmer.
The next day, his son was taming and training the horse,
when he fell and broke his arm, which meant he wouldn't
be able to help with the farming. "Wow, that's unlucky!"
said the neighbors. "Maybe," said the farmer.
Then the next day the military came, because there was
war coming. They took his one son, but not the other,
because of his broken arm. Everybody died in the war.
"Wow, that's lucky for your son," said his neighbors.
"Maybe," said the farmer.
This illustrates two very important points. One is that

anything can have any number of meanings, depending on
the circumstances. Another is that we don't ever have to
define the meaning of events, or the frame, ourselves.
In the story above, the farmer simply waited for events to

define whether the situation was eventually good or bad.
Many people go their whole lives at the mercy of others.

They let others define all the situations. They live their lives
41
according to frames set by others.
How is this possible?
There are two levels of frame control. One is based on our

instincts, and the other is based on our conscious minds.
We all need food, shelter, and hopefully companionship

and sexual intimacy, and basic resources. So long as we
are getting those things, many of us are happy.
So when our boss comes in and yells at us, and tells us

exactly what to do, and how to do it, we put up with it
because we are getting our needs met. We are allowing our
unconscious instincts to set the frame. "Sitting here
passively, getting yelled at by my boss means I can
continue to get paid."
In truth, you can always resort to your instinctive

programming to get the "upper hand."
So long as you've got a roof over your head and three

meals a day, and some basic companionship, (all of which
is provided in most prisons) you can convince yourself that
you are setting the frame. "So long as I do what they tell
me, and stay out of trouble, this means I get to eat and
stay out of the elements, and talk to some other people on
a regular basis."
This shows us that even in prison, we can choose a frame

that lets us feel in control. Humans are incredibly flexible in
our thinking.
42
It's also very common to have several unmet needs, from

several different levels at once.
Safety is most important. Eating and drinking is likely next.

After that would be human companionship, after that
perhaps sexual intimacy. After that are "higher" values like
personal expression, creation, and self-actualization, etc.
We are always moving up and down these levels or

hierarchies. If we can't get what we want on some level, we
move down, and then redefine whatever situation we're in.
Here's a common example. A group of guys goes out to

have some fun and meet some girls.
Their first intention for that evening is to collect phone

numbers. The first guy approaches a girl, and gets shot
down. In fact, he gets shot down with so much
embarrassment and social shame (real or imagined) he
decides he no longer is interested in talking to girls that
evening, and neither are his buddies.
But in order to save their egos, they convince themselves

that they didn't REALLY want to pick up girls, they just
wanted to interact with them. What they REALLY wanted
was to have fun with their friends in some interesting social
environment.
They had a frame set based on an intention, or outcome.

The intention was to meet girls. So their frame, or the
meaning of that evening was, "Going to this bar means we
are going to meet some girls."
43
Since that didn't work out, they lowered their expectations,

a very common thing to do, and redefined their frame to
"go out and have some fun with the boys."
This example shows how easily one can be "out-framed" by

the environment. It's also very common for two people to
have separate outcomes, interact with each other, and
both of them convince themselves that they've
"out-framed" the other person.
But in reality, one person has held their frame, while the
other person has re-defined their frame in
acknowledgement of the frame "winner."
How to Build a Frame
The simplest way to build a frame is to simply choose an

outcome. Think of what you want before going into a
situation.
Alternatively, you can set up several outcomes you are

pursuing in your life, and simply keep these in mind, and
always be sorting the reality around you for opportunities
to get closer to your outcome.
This is the advantage the reporter had in our earlier story.

She had one of her main life outcomes, in the near term at
least, to find newsworthy stories. She was hypersensitive
to anything around her that could turn into a story.
The sad truth about most people is they don't have

well-chosen goals, or any goals. Without any goals, you
will likely revert to your pre-programmed goals or needs.
44
Food, safety, shelter, resources to survive.
More often than not, people lower their frame to an

ego-protection, or an ego-maximization level. They walk
into a situation without really having a solid outcome, so
their ego-maximization frame will kick in. If they run into
trouble, they will lower their frame settings to an
ego-protection level.
What Is The Ego?
The ego is merely a holdover from our evolutionary

upbringing. For the vast majority of human history, we
lived as hunter-gathers in small bands of 200-300 people.
Our lives were largely guided by instincts. Toward food,
away from danger, towards committed sexual
relationships.
Often overlooked is the instinct for social safety. In a small

band of people, the worst thing that could happen to
anybody was getting kicked out of the tribe. To keep this
from happening, early humans developed a hyper
sensitivity to the opinions of others. If you had a good
reputation, it was easier to get along with everybody and
get your needs met. If you had a bad reputation, it was
very difficult.
Because early humans spent their entire lives with the

same few hundred people, their opinions were absolutely
crucial.
In modern life, it's not so crucial, but it is still very powerful

on an instinctive level. If you haven't taken the time to set
45
and get clear on the goals you are creating, either in life or
in a situation, you'll likely resort to ego level frame setting.
Imagine a small boat, going across the ocean. First, let's

consider situation number one. There's land about ten
miles off. You know on this land is a warm house, with a hot
meal, your favorite drink and your lady or man waiting for
you in a warm bed. This house is marked by a large
lighthouse.
So long as you focus on the lighthouse, you'll know which

direction to go. Even if there is a strong current, or strong
waves, or even a thunderstorm, so long as you focus on
where you're going, it will be easy. No matter how much
the waves or the current or the wind knock you off course,
you can easily change direction so you're back on course.
This is what it's like to be in a conversation or situation

where somebody is trying to outframe you. Because you've
got a clear intention of where you're heading, either in that
conversation or in life, no matter what happens, you'll be
able to steer back on course. The strong the idea is in your
mind of what you want, the easier it will be to stay on
course.
Now let's look at another situation. Same boat, same

circumstances, only they can't see the shore. They know
it's there somewhere, but they have no idea. Every time
the wind pushes them, they become more lost and
distraught. Every time the current pulls them they become
more desperate. Every time the waves crash against the
side of the boat, they start to panic a little more.
46
This is what happens when you have a vague idea of what

you want, but you aren't sure what or where it is. This is
very common when we hope to get something, rather than
plan on getting something. We know there is something
good out there somewhere, but we just kind of bounce
along hoping to come across it by pure luck.
Let's take a look at a third situation. The boat is now in the

middle of the ocean. Same current, same storm, same
waves. Only now the captain and the crew give up trying.
They simply try to hang on at all costs, and hope they don't
get killed.
This is what happens when we have zero idea of what we

want, and quickly resort to our instinctive frame of safety
and protection.
The good news is that by taking some time to choose some

solid goals, and spend some time building those goals up in
your mind, you'll start to see the world through a new
filter.
If you don't have any goals, then the world is seen through
your pre-programmed filters, which is only concerned with
safety, resources, and hopefully companionship and
hopefully sexual expression.
Your brain automatically picks out things that are

dangerous, and things that might get you some good stuff.
But when you program your mind with specific goals and
ideas of what you want out of life, you'll start seeing the
world in a different way. You'll start to see many situations
47
where you can leverage it to your benefit as well as the

benefit of everybody else involved.
When you have long term goals, creating short term

outcomes in various situations is much, much easier.
Let's consider two separate people going to a local

networking meeting of independent entrepreneurs.
Our first person goes and doesn't really have any idea of
what kind of business he'd like to start, only that he's tired
of his nine to five. So he goes to this networking meeting
hoping to get some ideas, maybe meet some people who'll
mentor him, and show him how to ease out of the nine to
five life. He saw this advertised in a local newspaper, and
he decided to go at the last minute.
His frame for this situation is "I want to meet somebody

who'll teach me how to start my own business."
So he goes there, and is a bit nervous. He's not sure what

to say, or how to start a conversation. People walk up and
introduce themselves, and ask him what kind of business
he's in. He says he isn't sure, and becomes uncomfortable.
He tries talking to a few other people, but the
conversations don't really go anywhere. He goes home
dejected.
His frame didn't hold. He was inexperienced, and he was

outframed by the situation.
Our second person also saw the ad in the local paper, and
also decided to go at the last minute. But she's been doing
48
graphic design on her own for a couple of years. She's got

a nice portfolio, and a nice set of clients. She sees the ad,
and thinks that would be a great opportunity to meet some
new potential clients. Her frame is "This is an opportunity
for me to hand out business cards and attract new
customers."
So she goes there, and eagerly introduces herself. She

asks about the other peoples' business first, so she can get
a feeling of whether or not they might need a graphic
artist. Because she's been in the business for a couple of
years, she's got several different portfolios for several
different businesses on her web site. She's also had plenty
of experience talking to potential customers. She's not
nervous, and she ends up handing out fifteen business
cards to pre-qualified entrepreneurs.
She sees the world through a different frame, because

she's got a solid goal. To build a thriving graphic design
business. Perhaps she's not making nearly as much income
as she'd like to, so in her mind, her goal is still a year or two
off. With this "not-yet-achieved" but definite goal strongly
in her mind, it's much, much easier for her to hold the
frame that she set.
49
As with most things in life, there are usually two extremes.

You can have your life planned down to the minutest detail,
or you can live freely, going day by day without thinking of
the future.
You can spend every waking minute exercising your body,

counting every single calorie and its makeup, spending
hours at the gym, never ever cheating, or you could simply
park yourself on the sofa and eat until you get too fat to
leave the house.
You can live your life going from shallow relationship to

shallow relationship, having sex with anybody that has a
pulse, or you can never ever interact socially with anybody,
except through the Internet.
In all of these situations, either extreme is unhealthy and ill

advised. The "magic middle" is always where you will find
the best results. Exercising enough to stay in shape, but
not so much you can't enjoy the occasional six pack and
pizza. Dating the field, and finding out what's important to
you before settling on "The One." Having plans in life, but
always having flexibility.
As Mike Tyson, the famous boxer, famously said,

"Everybody has a plan, until get punched in the face."
The ideal goal with unbreakable Frame Control is to have a

set of goals that you are always in the process of creating,
while at the same time being flexible enough to bob and
50
weave as the world tries to punch you in the face.
To paraphrase Rocky Balboa, "The secret is not to avoid

getting punched, it's to get punched and be able to keep
coming back."
There are two kinds of flexibility to consider when building

frame control.
Operational Flexibility
This is when you go into a situation that has a definite time

frame, and you have a definite goal. If you get your goal,
then you've held the frame above all else. Maybe you are
going into a social environment and your goal is to get a
phone number. So the meaning, or frame, of every
interaction is "I'm going to steer this conversation toward
me asking for a phone number." You may see the broader
time as a collection of smaller frames of "asking for the
phone number" to add up to "getting the phone number."
However, some people may sense you are "warming them

up" to ask for the number and try to take control of the
frame. They may try to push you off balance by insulting
you. They may mention a few times obliquely that they
aren't interested in meeting somebody.
Operational flexibility means you take every "objection"

they give, and simply overcome it.
If they say, "I've got a boyfriend," you say, "That's great,

because I wanted to meet somebody who wasn't
interested in a relationship, why don't you give me your
51
phone number?"
You move within the conversation, within the interaction,

and always maintain frame dominance. You hold to your
intention, your meaning of the interaction, regardless of
what happens.
We'll cover more specifics on how to do this in a later

section. For now, simply understand that this is one level of
flexibility.
Time Frame Flexibility
This is when you expand the horizon of your intention. This

may involve changing your frame, so it's important that
you don't change it in downward method like we
mentioned below.
For example, if you walked into a nightclub hoping to get a

phone number, and you asked three or four people and got
rejected, you may downgrade your frame from "getting a
phone number" to "having fun with my friends."
This is common and unhelpful. What may be a better

option is to simply expand your time frame. For example,
let's say your intention was to get a phone number that
evening. You spend five hours talking to hundreds of
people, and you still don't have anybody's number. Instead
of giving up, simply consider expanding your frame from
"this evening" to "this weekend."
If you find yourself consistently expanding the time frame

of your intentions, it may be helpful to consider setting the
52
intention to one of several building blocks leading up to the

original intention.
For example, if you wanted a phone number, but find

yourself needing more time than expected to get it, you
may change the frame to "meeting interesting people and
exchanging names."
This is very easy to do when you've got an overarching

romantic or relationship based goal. This makes it much
less likely you will downgrade to a less helpful frame.
Consider somebody who doesn't have any specific

relationship goals. They simply want sex with somebody.
They talk to a few people, get rejected. Since they don't
have any specific goals other than a sexual encounter, it's
easy to feel dejected. Since the sexual desire is not
consciously chosen, not satisfying it will feel bad
emotionally.
But if you have a fairly specific idea of what kind of

relationship you'd like, and a pretty good idea of the type
of person you'd like it with, it can be easy to re-construct
frames on the fly, so long as you are continuing to move
toward your overarching goal.
This may sound like a lot of redundancy, but please don't

underestimate our human ability to deceive ourselves. We
often paint a picture in our minds not of what really
happened, but events that we re-remember in order to
protect our ego.
It's easy to set off to meet new people, only to not meet
53
anybody and then change the frame retroactively to "I only

wanted to have fun with my friends anyway." While this will
protect the ego, it won't lead to any skills of creating and
holding frames.
This is, however, a great skill to have. Often times we ARE

in situations where we have little or no control. While we
don't have to passively accept them, we CAN frame the
situation to our benefit. This is much easier when we can
frame them to our benefit in the context of a much larger
goal, and a much larger frame of our lives.
Congruent With Instincts
A frame that is congruent with your instinctive frame is

going to be much easier to define, and to hold. Consider
the common human desire for sex. If you only tried to have
sex, without having any specific criteria, it will be hard to
set and hold a frame.
But when you create a consciously chosen goal, with the

instinctive desire as its driving force, it will be much, much
easier.
Taking whatever goals you have, and determining how to

align them with your instinctive desires will be very
beneficial. To that end, let's discuss our basic human needs
and desires.
Food
All of us have an obvious need for food. However, using an

undefined instinctive desire to drive you may lead to
54
trouble. Consider choosing what kind of food you are going

to specifically eat on a daily basis, based on the kind of
health you'd like to enjoy. Somebody who wants to "stay
healthy" without really knowing how will be less likely to
hold their frame in the face of temptation. Somebody who
has studied various eating habits and systems will find it
easier when they consciously choose to adopt the "paleo
diet" for example.
Social Acceptance
All of us crave to be accepted by our peers, and we fear

rejection from our peers more than most of us realize. This
is based on our evolutionary programming, and it won't
ever go away. But when you choose a specific way that
you'd like to be accepted, it will be easier to hold the frame
in certain situations.
For example, you may set an intention of being accepted

by your colleagues at work based only on your work
performance.
You may set an intention to be accepted by strangers on

the street only in certain contexts. For example, you may
set an intention to be accepted while making small talk, or
interacting on a superficial level.
Setting up specific situations and conditions under which

you expect to be accepted will make it much easier to hold
a frame in social situations. If you simply hold the frame of
"being accepted by everybody everywhere," it will be hard
to hold in certain situations.
55
For example, if your intention is to be accepted by

strangers in superficial conversations, and nothing more,
then you won't feel nearly as bad if you get "rejected"
when you pitch your business plan on the street corner to
strangers walking by. On the other hand, if you are selling
kitchen gadgets at the home show, and you only feel a
vague need to "be accepted socially" based on
programming, youll feel the sting of rejection from
everybody that doesn't buy from you.
Think of what situations you'd like to be accepted in, and

under what contexts.
Relationships and Sex
All of us crave relationships and sex. But if you walk the

Earth with only a vague need to have sex and feel loved,
you will have a hard time holding your frame. But when
you choose a specific type of partner, and a specific
frequency or context of sexual encounters, it will be easy to
set and hold, or at least be flexible with your frame in the
context of your larger goals.
Self Actualization
All of us feel a deep need to "be important." To do

something magnificent, to share something wonderful, and
to be recognized for our contribution to society. Taking the
time to choose how you plan on doing this, based on an
honest assessment of your skills, can make the difference
between an unfulfilled, unhappy life, and one of deep
meaning and purpose.
56
If you have NO idea what you'd like to do in life, only that

you want it to be BIG, every situation you enter into, part
of you will be hoping and praying that this is going to be the
one where you'll make your mark. And every time it
doesn't pan out, you may feel dejected, and as if you are
starting all over again.
On the other hand, if you take some time to assess your

skills, and choose an area of life where you'd like to make
your mark, every interaction won't take on that "succeed
or fail" feeling.
You can frame each and every situation as something that

will help you get closer to your ultimate goal. It will be
easier going into the situation with the frame of "This
situation means I am going to gain knowledge, insight or
skills that will put me closer to my goals."
A long time ago, I decided to write a novel. I was spending

several hours a day coming up with characters, stories,
and plot ideas. It consumed my thinking. I also liked going
to the movies.
I started seeing movies that I never would have watched

before, because I noticed that during the movies, I was
paying attention to things like character arcs, how they
broke up the scenes, the structure of dialogue, and other
things I never even noticed before. Because of my
overarching goal, sitting in a movie theater changed from
"passing the time on an otherwise boring weekend" to
"learning the secrets of story construction."
The whole purpose of human life on Earth is to create. We

57
feel most alive when our lives have a purpose, when we

feel we are getting closer and closer to a goal. When you
have a sufficiently large goal out in the future, it will be a
lot easier than you think to set and hold a frame in pretty
much any situation.
There's a difference between people that simply wander

through life, and those that move through life with a
purpose. Those that wander through life tend to jump from
one thing to the next; always hoping it's going to be "the
final thing" that they need. Unfortunately, it rarely is.
On the other hand, when you've got a huge powerful goal

that is pulling you forward, every situation you enter will be
seen through the frame and filter of that large goal.
Instead of instinctively downgrading your frame, you'll
learn to have a lot more flexibility and tenacity.
Recall Mike Tyson's quote about getting punched in the

face. A guy who is walking through a dark alley and is
suddenly faced with a mugger is going to fight a lot
differently than a seasoned fighter who stands to win a
huge stack of money if they can last 15 rounds with
another fighter.
The alley fighter is going to quickly revert to basic, fight or

flight thinking, and have one and one goal only: To get out
of there alive.
The boxer, on the other hand, is going to have an

overarching goal of lasting 15 rounds, and winning on
points. He's going to feel out his opponent. He's going to
test his strengths and weaknesses. He's going to use his
58
stamina as a tool.
59
Let's review what we've learned so far. While it makes

sense to talk about all the frame elements as individual
components, like parts on a bicycle or a washing machine,
they are all highly interdependent variables. Changing one
will always have an effect on all the rest.
What Is A Frame?
A frame is simply the meaning given to a situation. One

situation can have many different meanings, either by
different people, or the same person over time. There is no
"right" or "wrong" meaning. Anybody at any time can come
up with any meaning they can justify.
How Are Frames Defined?
Frames are either defined consciously or unconsciously. If

you see a tiger, and run away without thinking, the frame
that says "this situation is dangerous and I'd better run"
was chosen unconsciously.
If you look at somebody and smile, and they smile back, a

potential frame "this person likes me and they want to
meet me" is consciously chosen frame.
What is a Strong Frame?
A strong frame is one that is chosen that will hold up

regardless of any external situation, specifically despite
60
potential new information or behaviors by others that may

indicate the frame may be incorrect. If you see a person,
smile, and they smile back, you may choose the meaning
of, "This person likes me and wants to meet me." You go
over and introduce yourself, and they tell you that you
reminded them of somebody. A strong frame would STILL
hold the meaning of "this person likes me and wants to
meet me" despite this seemingly contradictory
information.
What is a Weak Frame?
A weak frame is one that is easily overridden by others or

the situation. In the above example, a weak frame holding
the same meaning of "this person likes me and wants to
meet me," may change into a frame of "this is proof that I
always make foolish mistakes."
What Happens when Frames Conflict?
When two people are sharing a situation, like a

conversation or a sales presentation, they may have
conflicting frames. The salesperson's frame is "this
conversation means I am going to get a commission and
some referrals from this person." The customer's frame
may be "I want to get some information from this
salesperson while I continue to shop around some more
after we're finished."
Whoever has the strongest frame will override the weaker

frame with their frame. If the customer has the stronger
frame, the salesperson will redefine his frame to match the
customers. If the salesperson has the strongest frame, the
61
customer will redefine their frame to match the

salesperson's.
Is The Content And The Strength Of The Frame

Related?
There is some relation between content and strength, but

not always. If the content of frame X is based on social
proof, while the content of frame Y based on some never
before heard of idea, all things being equal, frame X will
overcome frame Y.
However, it's entirely possible for a strong frame whose

content is crazy and outlandish to overpower a normal and
even socially proofed frame. There are endless tragedies
involving cult leaders with the most insane ideas
imaginable that overwrote the more normal frames of
everyday people based on the strength of their frame
alone.
What Factors Help Make A Frame Strong?
Congruence
If you are very congruent, meaning all the parts of you

believe something is true, your frame will be very strong.
Pre-Framing
Frames are much stronger if they are chosen before going

into a situation, than on the fly. Simply decide how you will
define the situation you are going into, before getting into
the thick of things.
62
Experience
Holding a frame in a certain situation that you've been in

before is much easier than "trying one on" for the first
time.
Consciously Chosen
Frames that are chosen with thought in light of what you

want are much more powerful than frames that are based
on instincts that popup unexpectedly.
Life Goals
Holding a frame that is congruent with your life goals is

much easier than holding a frame without any life goals.
Congruent with Instincts
Holding a frame that is congruent with your instincts of

food, safety, relationships, sex, resources, and
self-actualization will be much easier than holding a frame
not based on basic human instincts, desires, and
aspirations.
The Other Frame
If your frame is of medium strength, it will still override a

weaker frame. However, this is not considered a long term
frame control strategy.
Belief
63
The strength of your beliefs about yourself, your

capabilities and experiences related to the environment in
which you are intending to set and hold a frame will have a
large effect. For example, somebody who believes they (or
their product or service) offer little or no value will have
hard time holding a strong frame in a one on one sales
situation.
Flexibility
Being able to redefine the frame, in the moment, in light of

new information or behaviors that still benefit you is a very
useful skill to have.
For example, if you are talking to a cute girl at a bar and

your frame is "this conversation is going to lead to a sexual
encounter between the two of us" may change when her
best friend shows up.
Depending on the initial intent (long term relationship or

short term encounter), a strong, flexible, new frame may
be, I'm going to have a threesome tonight!" Or it may turn
to "I will get her number and go on a date within a week."
One thing to consider when setting the meaning of a frame

is to choose the least possible frame you'd accept, and
then simply add "or better" on to it. Here are some
potential examples to hold before going into any particular
situation:
Smiling and talking to cute girls today, or better.
64
Handing out five business cards to potential customers, or

better.
Getting a second appointment with this particular

customer, or better.
Social Proof
Generally speaking, a socially proofed frame is easier to

hold than a non-socially proofed frame.
Support from Friends
Having several close friends who support your frame will

also make it much easier to hold. This is why guys go to
pick up girls with "wing men" instead of alone, as it helps
them maintain their frame of "meeting and seducing girls."
Having a strong support network of friends, relatives,

colleagues, etc. is always helpful when engaging in difficult
to hold frames such as job hunting, or going through
difficult times in life such as divorce, death of a loved one,
etc.
65
General Frame Idea Summary
While any particular frame you have is completely up to

you, here are some general guidelines that will help.
Self Directed
Consider choosing a frame that is chosen by you, for your

own reasons.
Independent of any Specific Individual
Having a frame of meeting someone special is much easier

to hold than getting a certain person to fall in love with you.
Holding a frame of making a certain income during a

certain time period is much easier than forcing a frame
with a particular individual. You may very well convince a
customer that yours is the "stronger frame" only to find out
they can't afford your product.
A Set of Solid Long Term Goals
Having a set of long terms goals will make it much easier to

not only pre-frame events, but come up with resourceful
frames on the fly that will support the achievement of your
goals and desires.
Being Open to Feedback
Even if a situation doesn't pan out, you can still use that to
support your long term goals. If you don't get the sale, you
66
can consider what worked, and what didn't work during

that particular presentation. This can help you do better
next time, which will help you in the next interaction.
Avoid Reframing to Lower, Instinctive Goals
If you have a frame of talking to and meeting somebody

interesting, and you fail the first couple of tries, it can be
tempting to reframe from "meeting somebody interesting"
to "getting out of the house."
Since "getting out of the house" is very general and doesn't

really support any specific goals, this is really just an ego
protection trick. If you do reframe due to complications,
always reframe in light of your longer term goals.
Avoid Trying to "Prove Yourself Right"
Being right or feeling that you are right is a very deep

instinct. Choosing a conscious frame is not so much about
being right, but about getting your outcome. If you feel
yourself being pulled into a situation where you are
defending your point of view, take a step back and
reorganize your thoughts so you can continue holding your
chosen frame.
Often times, people will bait you by disagreeing with

something you've said, in an attempt to shake your frame.
Simply allow them their opinion, step back and continue
talking about whatever you wanted to talk about.
Frame Practice Techniques
67
This can be an invaluable exercise to do on a regular basis.

Choose a frame to hold in a certain situation, and then
simply hold that frame. These are also known as "will
power exercises," as they help you not be swayed when
unexpected things happen.
For example, you might go somewhere in public, choose

someone a few meters away, and set a conversational
frame of "them giving you the time."
Frame Maintenance Techniques - When youre In

the Mix
Language plays a huge part in frame control. When two

people meet, and both are intending to hold the frame,
they will try to verbally "outmaneuver" each other.
Developing some verbal flexibility is helpful. While there
are many, many specific language patterns to do this,
often times it's simply easier to "not bite," and continue to
hold your own frame.
For example, salespeople often hear the objection, "I'm

just looking." This is a direct assault on the salesperson's
frame of making a sale. You could use some linguistic
trickery and say things like, "Well, I'll help you look, and
then we find the right product, I'll fill out the sales order!"
However, these can often backfire as they tend to feel

argumentative. A much more effective AND respectful way
is to simply agree with whatever they say, and then simply
keep holding your frame.
68
For example, lets say you are a salesperson in a store, and

you see a potential customer looking at an item, and they
say, "I'm just looking." You can simply think to yourself,
"They don't know yet that they are going to buy something
from me today."
If you are intending to meet people socially or

romantically, and they say they have a boyfriend or a
girlfriend, tell them that's great, or congratulate them, and
simply continue talking to them.
One friend I used to know was very skilled at holding

incredible frames. His motto was that whenever he hears
an objection, he just goes more covert.
For example, if you walk up to a girl or guy you like, and

start talking to them, they may think that you are trying to
"pick them up." So they may throw out the "boyfriend
objection" that many people fear.
Simply pace them, agree with whatever they say, and

continue to talk to them. Use whatever they say as a
reason why you're glad to talk to them. Then continue to
turn on the charm, and let it happen naturally.
One thing many people are amazed to find is that most

people have very weak frames. While we did mention
above that basing the strength of your frame on the
weakness of others is not a good strategy, you will find that
most people will simply go along with you once you hold
your frame just a little bit.
This was the most amazing thing I realized when I sold

69
cars. At first, customers were very closed off, rude even,

when I tried any kind of sales techniques. But when I just
relaxed, ignored their objections, and kept going, a funny
thing happened. When they finally "gave up" and "bought
into my frame" they acted like I did them the best favor in
the world.
Customers that walked in to our shop looking angry and

standoffish would suddenly look like kids at their own
birthday parties once they decided to buy.
I've found this is true no matter what your frame is. So

long as you hold it, and calmly keep it no matter what,
people will not only take your frame over theirs, but they
will seem very glad they did so.
It's as if we humans are not really concerned with content,

we are just searching for people with strong frames. And all
the objections we give each other are not really true
objections, but a measure of whether or not the other
person's frame is genuinely strong.
Pause, Pace, Resume
A wonderful paradox is that one of the most powerful

things you can do to maintain your frame, AND win over
others in your frame is to simply listen to their objections,
or attempts to assert frame dominance, while calmly
holding your own frame.
If you release any need to "be right," and simply let them
decide on their own which frame they'd rather choose
(theirs or yours) you'll find simply by holding your frame,
70
holding your ideas, and simply allowing them to voice their

objections they will soon gladly surrender to your frame.
For example, many sales people start to feel anxious when

they are getting close to the end of their sales
presentation.
However, consider holding the frame, "We are having a

conversation that will end with them deciding to buy the
product."
This can happen if you use an overt "close," meaning you

specifically ask them to buy. Or it can also happen if you
simply relax, and elicit their wants, needs, and desires, and
then simply keep talking about the various features and
benefits of the product until they decide on their own to
buy.
Naturally, they'll have some reservations along the way.

Instead of arguing with them, simply pace them, and
validate them. Tell them you understand. Give them some
examples of your own hesitations when buying a product.
Then simply continue talking about the product.
This may seem a little strange when you first try it out, but
it is very powerful. Most of us are conditioned to lose the
frame on purpose when somebody else contradicts us.
Here are a few examples to help us understand.
Let's say you're at a bar, and you see a pretty girl. You'd
like her number, so you can date her later on. You walk up
with the frame of "This conversation is going to facilitate
71
me getting her number."
So you walk up and introduce yourself. She introduces

herself. You start asking some easy to answer, open ended
questions. She says, "I just wanted to let you know that
I've got a boyfriend."
If you're frame is weak and easily overpowered, you may

be put off. You may lose your momentum. You may be
stuck with thinking of something to say. She'll notice this,
and feel comfortable that her frame is stronger than yours.
Or, you could simply say something like, "Oh, cool. What's
his name?" She'll tell you, and then you simply keep on
talking like nothing ever happened.
Here's where the paradox comes in. Most people fear that
when they "overpower" somebody's frame, it's going to be
like some vicious mixed martial arts match. But in reality, it
feels really, really GOOD when we meet somebody with a
strong frame.
So when you acknowledge her boyfriend, show her you're

not fazed, and simply keep talking, she'll actually become
more interested.
Another situation. Let's say you're at the movies with a

buddy. You want to see an action movie, he or she wants to
see a comedy.
You notice that the action movie you'd like to see is starting
in ten minutes. You mention this, and your friend says,
"Yea, but that comedy with Mr. X is starting in twenty
72
minutes. I kind of want to see that."
You could get into an argument, or a discussion, or even

some kind of bargaining agreement to decide which movie
to see.
Or, you could pace their objection, agree that it's supposed
to be a good comedy, and proceed to buy your tickets.
Now, how you do this, the energy you speak with, your
facial expressions are crucial. You need to be careful not to
appear to "ignore" your friend. Take some time. Stop and
look at them. Believe it when you say that comedy is
probably a good movie. Then simply follow this up with, "I
really, REALLY want to see this action movie!"
If you make it clear you are stopping your thought process

to validate whatever it is they said, without blowing them
off, and THEN simply repeating your strong desire to see
the action movie, they'll almost always agree.
Why? Everybody craves validation. Often times even more

so that being "in control." It's just that for many of us,
"being in control" is the only way to know how to get that
validation. But when you take the time to openly listen to,
agree with, and validate their point, while at the same time
holding onto your frame, they'll be glad to let theirs go and
step into yours.
In the outstanding book, "When I Say No, I Feel Guilty," by

Manual Smith, there's a fantastically simply, yet incredibly
powerful technique called the "Broken Record." This is best
used with people you don't know very well, like service
personnel, shop clerks, etc.
73
It involves stating what you want. Then if they say, "No,"

or if they say, "No, because..." and say whatever reason,
you simply pace what they said, and repeat your request.
"I'd like a refund for this book. Here's my receipt."
"I'm sorry, we don't give refunds."
"I understand that. Here's my receipt, I'd like a refund."
This really works like magic. Most people are so used to

others responding, at least in part, to the words they say.
So when you simply listen, accept, say you understand
what they said, and repeat your request, they'll quickly
realize they are in a no-win situation. They'll realize that no
matter what they say, you'll always "come back" with your
simple and polite request. No yelling, no name calling, no
raised blood pressure.
Just a simple, "Yes, I understand that. Here's my receipt,

and I'd like a refund."
Your frame is "this conversation means I'm going to get a

refund." And no matter what happens, you calmly and
politely hold your frame.
And when they finally "give in," they will suddenly feel
relieved. Happy even. Often times people hold on to their
frame because they fear what happens if they lose it. By
repeating yourself calmly and politely, you'll simply give
them time to "warm up" to the idea that taking your frame
isn't so bad. You'll be happy, and they'll be relieved.
74
This works just as well with a large group. Simply choose

your frame. Acknowledge what everybody else has to say,
and stick to your frame. You don't need to justify it. You
don't need to explain it rationally. You just need to hold it.
You'll find that more often than not, simple patience will be
your strongest weapon in holding your frame.
The truth is that most people are followers. For better or

worse, most people simply feel much better following
somebody with a strong frame than trying to hold their
own frame.
Study after study has shown this to be true. They take ten
random strangers, and put them in a room. Invariably,
there's one person that emerges as the leader. That means
that nine people emerge as followers.
Interestingly, when they repeat this experiment several

times, an interesting twist comes up. When they take ten
people that were all leaders in previous situations, and put
them in a room, guess what?
One becomes the leader, and the rest become followers.

This means that anybody is a potential leader of pretty
much anybody else. It also means that any of us will
eagerly turn into loyal followers when we meet somebody
with a strong frame.
If you practice these techniques and keep these ideas in

mind, YOU can be that person that people will eagerly and
readily follow. And be happy to do so.
75
What about when you are moving from situation to

situation?
Imagine a skier going down a hill with lots of rocks and

trees. Maybe they went off course by accident. Their
intention is to get from where they are, back down to the
warm lodge at the bottom. Their frame is "I will carefully
navigate these boundaries until I'm safely at the lodge."
They go right, they go left, they may have to stop and

backtrack. So long as they hold their frame, not panic,
they'll get to the bottom.
Whether you have a frame for a day, or a frame for your

life, the same principle applies. "I will safely navigate the
obstacles to go from where I am, to where I want to be."
If you're intention is to meet five potential clients,

everybody that is NOT a client is simply somebody to deal
with on the way TO the next client.
As mentioned before, the more planning and experience

you have, the easier it will be to keep moving forward.
76
There are plenty of ways to build up your frame setting and

holding muscle. When doing these exercises, think of them
like going to the gym and running on a treadmill, the stair
climbing machine, or using the free weights. There's no
real purpose for them other to strengthen your mental
muscle. Nobody runs on a treadmill because they think
they'll get anywhere. They do so because it vastly
enhances their conditioning and health, without having to
worry about getting run over by cement trucks.
Hold That Thought
To start off with, it's easier to hold a frame when you've got
your mind focused on a certain idea. A great way to
practice that is to simply think of an idea to hold in mind,
before going into a situation, and continue holding that
idea no matter what happens.
It's best to choose situations where your interactions with

others will be based on pre-ordained structures, like
buying groceries, or ordering in a restaurant, or something
similar.
Choose a complicated idea, and go into wherever you are

going into, and then simply hold that thought, without
letting it drift based on external influences.
You can choose an unfamiliar song, mentally go through a

recipe in your head several times, or even go through as
simple story.
77
The story method is great because it allows you to pause, if

you need to interact with others, and then get back to the
story. This will help you practice pausing, pacing, and
resuming.
Scavenger Hunting
Once you're ready for the next level, you can practice
scavenger hunting. Think of some particular response
you'd like to get from one or any number of people. This
can range from anything simple like a smile, or something
crazy like getting somebody to touch their left shoulder
with their right pinky.
Simply go into a situation with this kind of outcome in

mind. Practice being flexible and consistent. Simply move
through the environment, until you get your outcome, and
then leave.
If you do this consistently, this will build up a positive belief

that you CAN hold any frame, and that your intentions are
met.
Center of Attention
Often times we shy away from attention, and this can hurt
our frame control ability. Purposely calling attention to
yourself can help. One way is to go somewhere outdoors
like a public park. Then choose a spot, and choose to stand
there, for a certain number of minutes, with a smile on
your face.
At first, this may feel incredibly difficult. But when you
78
realize that nothing will ever happen, it will be pretty

boring. And you'll come to a pretty powerful realization.
Holding a strong mindset can overcome a lot of fears.
Imagining standing out in public with people pointing at

you and laughing may sound like your worst nightmare.
But when you simply stand there and look at anybody who
makes any eye contact with you, you'll notice they quickly
look away. This will be a pretty powerful feeling. Standing
in the middle of a public park, and knowing that you've
effectively outframed everybody there. You simply hold the
meaning of the park as, "This is my Frame Control practice
area, and everybody else is just visiting."
When you look at people with this thought in mind, it's a

very solid feeling. Believe it or not, with this thought
strongly in mind, you'll notice people looking at you not
because they think you're crazy, but because they notice
something attractive about you they simply can't put to
words.
The Eyes Have It
Holding eye contact until the other person breaks it first is

an effective way to build your frame muscle. But you'll
need to be careful as many people can misinterpret this as
aggression. An easy way to do this without getting into
fights or causing trouble is to simply stroll down the street,
with a smile on your face, and make eye contact with
everybody you pass. Set the frame of "I have stronger eye
contact than everybody I see." Simply lock eyes with
whomever you can, and hold it until they look down.
79
Control the Flow
This is an advanced exercise that involves interacting with

and talking to others. Set the frame before entering into
the conversation about what you'd like to talk about. No
matter what happens, keep steering the conversation back
to your chosen subject.
Connect the Dots
Being able to bring back a conversation to your chosen

topic can sometimes be difficult, and this exercise will help.
Get yourself a notebook and go to a coffee shop or
somewhere else where you can sit, write, and "eavesdrop"
on other people's conversations. Choose a topic, and write
it at the top of a blank piece of paper. Then wait until you
"overhear" people talking about something. Then in the
shortest amount of words, connect that "something" back
to what your topic. Actually write this out on a piece of
paper. The idea is to take whatever topic you just heard,
and connect it to your original idea in the shortest amount
of words.
Specific Language
This is an easy, but effective one that you can do within a

conversation without anybody knowing it. Simply choose a
specific type of grammar or word usage and stick to it. For
example, if you normally cuss like a sailor, choose the
frame of "not cursing" in a conversation with your buddies.
Choose three or four description adjectives you rarely use,
(like "splendid," or "marvelous,") and use them
conversationally a pre-determined number of times.
80
When to Practice - Schedule Your Improvement
Think of frame control practice just like you would think of

going to the gym. Practice at a regular time, in regular
intervals. At the end of the day, recall any frame work and
journal your experiences. At the beginning of the day, take
a couple minutes to choose which exercises you'll do, and
when. Be sure to define them as specifically as possible.
Remember not to worry too much about the interactions
themselves. These are to build up your general "Frame
Muscle," not to get any kind of specific results.
81
One of the biggest factors in your ability to hold a frame is

your beliefs. If you have strong and supporting beliefs
about yourself, holding a frame will be very easy.
For example, if you truly believed, on a very deep and

fundamental level that you were an excellent salesperson,
and you had a lot of value and experience to offer to
customers, and that your product or service was top notch,
it would be very easy to hold the frame of "this
conversation is going to end in a sale" no matter who you
were talking to.
On the other hand, if you felt deep down inside that you
had nothing to offer, and you had little faith in your
product, it would be difficult to hold that frame no matter
who you were speaking with, even an eager buyer with
cash in hand.
Beliefs operate on a deep level, often times without our

knowledge that they even exist. They present themselves
as filters. Without any kind of self-work in this area, they
act by convincing us that the world is a certain way, rather
than the way we perceive the world.
Here's a common story that illustrates that. A man was

sitting at a crossroads, just enjoying the nice weather. Ten
miles to his left was Town X, and ten miles to his right was
Town Y (choose whichever names you prefer.)
A family rode up in their covered wagon, from Town X, on
82
their way to Town Y. They asked him:
"Hey friend, what are the people in Town Y like?"
The man said, "Well, what were they like in town X?"
"They were friendly, kind and honest," said the traveler.
"Well, that's what you'll find in Town Y," said the man.
A few minutes later, another family rode up.
"Say friend, what are the people in town Y like?"
Again, our hero said, "Well, what were they like in Town
X?"
"Well," started the traveler, "They were mean spirited,

backstabbing villains who'd lie to your face just for fun."
"Well," responded our hero, "that's about what you'll find

in town Y."
If you see the world as a wonderful place filled with

awesome opportunities, that is exactly what you'll find. But
if you see the world as filled with trouble, danger, and
treachery, that's also what you'll find.
If you believe you are destined for riches, wealth and

abundance, every situation will prove that, and holding
that frame will be easy and natural.
So, what happens if you don't have the supporting beliefs?

83
Easy, just change them!
Belief Change Procedure
Before you change your beliefs, you'll need to find out what
they are. Beliefs are situational, meaning you'll have to
define them to find them. For example, it's not really
possible to believe something like, "I'm confident," as
there are many different kinds of confidence, and they
situationally based.
You might be confident talking to your best friend or family

members, but you may not be so confident talking to
strangers on the street. You may be confident talking to
cute girls working in coffee shops, but you might not be
confident strolling up to super models sitting by
themselves in hotel lobbies. You may feel confident you
can make a fried egg sandwich, but you may not feel so
confident going on TV and whipping up some Peking Duck.
The first step is to identify a situation when holding a

positive frame (based on your subjective values) seems to
be difficult.
Then ask yourself the tough question: Why am I having

trouble with this?
Let's say you've just joined a network marketing group.

You are convinced you can get it going if only you could
approach and talk to ten people a day, and talk to them
long enough to describe your business. But as soon as you
see a potential client, when you approach you become
nervous, flustered, and anxious.
84
You'd like to hold the frame of "The meaning of this

conversation is me giving them a brief description of my
business to see if they're interested."
But the other person sees you coming, notices you're

nervous, quickly shifts into defensive mode, and chooses
the frame of, "I'm going to get rid of this person as quickly
as possible."
Now, before we move into the belief change procedure,

let's look at what happened. Their frame was strengthened
by the weakness of your frame. Before you even opened
your mouth, they sensed your nervousness and anxiety.
This told them you had a weak frame. An aspect of human
nature is that being around people with weak frames is
generally not desired, unless it's to bolster our own frame,
which we've previously chosen. But very few people enjoy
being approached by somebody with a weak frame. So this
will always cause them to go into defensive mode.
Consider the alternative. Suppose you approached them

with a very strong frame. You have a strong belief, backed
up by real experience and some real income, that your
product and business is solid and can help out many
people. They'll also notice your strong frame. And guess
what? When we are approached by somebody with a
strong frame something happens. Before there's even any
conversation, we are eager to find out why they have such
a strong frame. We aren't gearing up to overpower the
frame. We are gearing up to accept and embrace the frame
as our own.
85
Simply by having a solid belief, people will naturally melt

right into your frame without any real effort on your part.
(This is a great place to remind you to practice those frame
exercises!)
On with the process. So let's assume you have a weak

frame when approaching people to talk about your
business.
Start off by asking the question, "Why is it difficult for me

to talk about my business?"
Get a blank sheet of paper, and write at the top:
"Talking about my business is difficult because:"
And then write down every answer that pops into your
head. Write down anything that comes up, regardless if it
makes sense or not. Keep writing. Write down ten, twenty,
or even thirty answers.
What are you are looking for are negative statements

about yourself, your capabilities, or that particular
situation. In this example we're using a business, and
income, so anything negative that pops up about you, your
value, money itself, other people in general, or people who
make money is a potential belief to flip around.
Let's say you come up with the following:
People aren't interested in network marketing.
People don't want to be bothered in public.

86
People will reject me if I talk to them about a business

opportunity.
Only scammers approach people in bookstores asking

about business opportunities.
These are your negative beliefs that are holding you back.
In order to counter them, simply flip them around
grammatically. So these statements will change to:
People are interested in network marketing.
People enjoy being approached in public.
People will accept me if I talk to them about a business

opportunity.
Only kind and thoughtful people approach people in

bookstores about business opportunities.
We changed both the verb tense, and some of the

adjectives and nouns around.
Now that we've got the new belief statements, we're ready
to turn them into unconscious beliefs.
Because beliefs are very personal, and very subjective,

there is no "one size fits all" belief change method. The
trick is to simply try a few of these out, and be persistent.
Affirmation Method
87
One method is to turn them into affirmations. Take each

statement, and write it out several different ways. Then
simply repeat them over and over throughout the day.
Another powerful way to program affirmations into your
mind is by repeating them to yourself as you fall asleep at
night. You can also record them yourself, and then play
them in a background loop while going about your day.
Past Recall Method
This involves digging into your past, and finding proof that
these affirmations are true. For example, let's take the first
one, "People are interested in Network Marketing." Simply
find plenty of situations, as many as you can, where it was
undeniably true that people were interested in network
marketing.
For example, think of how much money is spent each day

on anything related to Network Marketing. Think of all the
people that are making money from network marketing. At
one point, they weren't making any money in network
marketing. At one point they didn't know anything about
network marketing. So first they had to find out about
network marketing, then they had to become interested in
network marketing, then they started making money.
Just repeat that statement to yourself, "People are

interested in network marketing," while you vividly
imagine the hundreds of thousands, or even millions of
people, who are keenly interested in network marketing.
History Rewriting Method
88
This is similar to the above method, only you will actually

go into your own memory, and rewrite it so that it verifies
that belief. This will require you do something that
approximates the situation, but only closely.
For example, let's say you're nowhere near ready to walk

up to some stranger and pitch some product. But you could
walk up and ask them the time, right? And you could think
of something to say after that, right? For example, you see
somebody; you go over and ask the time. Then
compliment them on their shirt (or whatever). Then ask
them where they bought it. Then tell them you love that
store. That's it.
Then, later that evening, when you are re-remembering

the event, rewrite it in your mind. Imagine that you
actually DID talk to them about your network marketing
business, and they were interested.
You've already got their positive body language and

positive facial expressions (from when you gave them the
compliment), just rewrite the words!
Now, this may seem strange and against some kind of

mental law of the universe, but it's perfectly fine. It's YOUR
brain, after all!
The Nitty Gritty of Belief Change
Beliefs are based on experience. They don't exist in a

vacuum. When we grow up, our minds are blank except for
our pre-programmed instincts to learn. One of the things
we learn is about ourselves, and how we fit into the world
89
around us.
Our lives are an endless feedback loop where our

experiences either validates our beliefs or reshapes them.
Because the world, as perceived through our conscious
mind, has much more information and data than we could
possibly see, our beliefs act as a filter. To the extent what
we "see" verifies our beliefs, our beliefs will become
stronger.
Often times the process of belief change will involve

interrupting this feedback loop, questioning our
interpretation of reality, coming up with a new, more
enhanced interpretation, and then verifying that through
our experience.
This is very important to understand.
Reality, to an extent is whatever we interpret it to be. This

works on both the front end at the back end of the belief.
We can interpret reality to mean one thing, and create a
belief. Then we later interpret reality the same way, which
now reinforces this belief.
It only seems different because the two situations are

structurally similar, but contextually different.
Our brains naturally pay attention to content, or context,

but not structure. By understanding structure, belief
change is a lot easier.
Here's an example. A guy goes to a bar for the first time to

meet a girl. He walks up to five girls, and they all "reject"
90
him. So he goes home, and creates the belief that he's

unattractive.
Then a month later, he goes to a different bar, in a different

town, and talks to five girls again. This time, when he gets
"rejected" this now solidifies his belief.
In reality, the belief was created in the same structure or

circumstances as the belief was verified. It's a kind of
circular logic that's not noticed by our minds.
That's why changing belief will require some conscious

effort to redefine the reality around you, in a more
resourceful way.
And as it happens, you can set the frame to set the belief.
You can go into a situation with a frame of creating a
certain belief. How do you do this?
First, come up with a belief you'd like to create. Or a

negative belief you'd like to flip around to the positive.
Using those exercises above, let's say you choose one of
your negative beliefs of:
"People aren't interested in network marketing."
Then you simply go into any environment with the sole

purpose of finding evidence of this new belief.
This way, you can think of yourself as a "treasure hunter"

looking for something you're assuming is there, rather
than approaching people and believing they have some
kind of magical power over you.
91
Remember, the only thing you are looking for is evidence

that "people are interested in network marketing."
Also remember that how you interpret your reality is

completely up to you. You may walk up to somebody
reading a book about starting a home business. Tell them a
story about your friend who made a million dollars in
network marketing. Did they listen to you while you were
telling the story? That is verifiable evidence that people are
interested in network marketing.
It will only take a few interactions with strangers to solidify

this belief.
The way people usually go about dealing with their beliefs

is by entering into a situation with only their instinctive
frame of safety, security, etc. And then when things don't
go the way they'd hoped, instead of thinking about
reevaluating their interpretation of what happened, they
reevaluate their interpretation of themselves.
Let's consider our other example, of the guy who

subconsciously came up with the belief of "girls aren't
interested in me."
Let's say he does some self work, does some sentence

completion exercises, and then finds that belief. He
decides to turn it around to "Girls are interested in me."
So this time, instead of hitting the bars with the

subconsciously set frame of "I'm hoping this will end well,"
which is a very weak frame, he walks in with the frame of
92
"I'm going to solidify my new belief that girls are interested

in me."
Now remember when we talked about setting a frame with

the "or better" added on the end.
So he might augment his frame to be, "The events of this

evening means I'm solidifying my new belief that girls are
interested in me, or better."
So he goes to a bar. He smiles and says "Hi," to five or six

girls. As soon as he receives each smile, he says to himself,
"See, girls ARE interested in me."
Without consciously choosing our frames or our beliefs, it's

easy to fall into the "either - or" trap.
Meaning we have some wishes and hopes, which are

usually based on a best case scenario. We wish we would
talk to five or six people and sign them all up for our
network marketing group. We send out one or two
resumes and hope they'll end up with us getting our dream
job. We talk to one attractive person in a bar and hope they
turn into the romantic partner of our fantasies.
When that doesn't happen, we assume the worst about

ourselves. We don't get any signups our first day out, and
we imagine we'll soon become homeless. We don't get any
callbacks from our resume and assume we'll need to go on
welfare. That interesting person we talked to isn't
interested in us, so we assume we'd be better of joining a
monastery.
93
Strong frames, and the strong beliefs that support them

are very contextual. When we take time to set the frames,
and understand the underlying beliefs that support them,
it's very easy, and it happens very quickly. It does have to
happen consciously at first.
We need to take what's been happening unconsciously,

elevate it to the conscious level, rearrange things to better
support us, and then they'll drop down to the unconscious
level once again.
Biggest Obstacle to Positive Beliefs and Strong

Frames
Humans are pack animals. We are most comfortable when

we are moving with the heard. When we are with a group
of people all going somewhere, it's easy when we can tune
out and let our subconscious take over.
This is a throwback to our origins as hunter gatherers. We

developed instincts not only to those things that were
important to us, like food, safety, sex, etc., but also things
that were signals of those things that were dangerous to
us.
Back in our caveman days, it was crucial to feel part of the

pack. Having a decent social standing was absolutely
required to have a normal life. Anybody that was rejected
by the crowd was doomed to die a lonely life. So to keep
that from happening, we developed deep and powerful
instincts that gave us terrible feelings if we got any signals
94
that indicated we were getting negative social attention.
This prompted us to automatically self-correct, so we could

get back into the good graces of the group.
In those days, there was only one kind of negative social

attention, and only one kind of response: Stop whatever it
was that we were doing. Any kind of rejection, any kind of
uncomfortable attention, any strong words from our tribal
leaders meant only one thing: We did something wrong,
and we'd better not do it again.
The same feeling hits us today whenever somebody

questions our frame, or makes us feel as we've "done
something wrong." Our instinct is to retreat, and stop
doing whatever it was we were doing.
Every rejection a salesperson gets feels like they are

getting kicked out of the tribe.
Every time you walk up to an attractive person and things

don't go your way, you feel as if you're getting kicked out
of the tribe.
Every time you're asserting your frame in a group, and

there's a little bit of resistance, you feel as though you're
about to get booted from the tribe.
All of these events prompt us to feel uneasy if we think

about pressing forward.
How do we counter this? After all, we don't want to

forcefully walk through walls of anxiety to get what we
95
want!
Luckily, there's a way.
Out Frame Yourself
Any time we speak of "reframing" or "outframing" or "down

framing" we really mean one thing. Changing the
perceived meaning of a situation.
Two people battling for frame control are "outframing"

each other. When you start off with a frame, but somebody
overpowers you, you've "down framed" yourself. When
you're changing your beliefs, and giving new meanings to
situations, you are "reframing" the situation.
So, what does it mean to outframe yourself?
Say you're in a group. You've got a frame picked out, and

you've run into trouble. Maybe somebody else in the group
also has a frame picked out (not likely, since most people
don't even know this kind of thinking exists) or maybe
they're verifying that the strength of your frame is real,
and not pretend.
On one level, you are going to feel that "I'm getting

banished from society!" feeling.
If you simply try to push through it with sheer willpower, it

may work, it may not.
One of the oldest tricks in the book, mental or otherwise, is

to simply turn your opposition in your own favor.
96
So when you feel that social pressure, instead of framing it

as "I might get kicked out of the group," frame it as, "they
are getting ready to choose a new leader."
Imagine now, the greatest leaders of all time. Naturally

this is subjective. So think of three or four leaders you
really look up to. They can be national leaders, leaders of
your book club, anything.
Chances are getting to their position of leadership wasn't

easy. They had to "fight" their way to the top. They only did
so because they had a strong belief in themselves, and a
strong idea of what they'd get when they got there.
This is what powered their frame. This is what allowed

them to easily outframe any opposition or obstacles they'd
encountered along the way.
This is when future pacing comes into play. When you set a
frame, it can be very helpful to not only set the frame you'd
like, but the benefits you'll receive from it. This can help
you look to the future, and not only have an "in the
moment frame" but also a "big picture frame" at the same
time.
This ties in nicely with having frames that are set within the
context of larger goals. Whenever possible, both in "in the
moment" frame setting, and long term goal setting, always
build into them some element of social status, and social
proof.
Fully imagine people admiring you, supporting you, and

97
even following you because of your accomplishments.

When you set a strong element of social proof and social
status into your larger goals, and even into the frames
themselves, it will help you a lot when it comes to dealing
with smaller obstacles along the way.
For example, lets get back to our friend who is having

trouble talking to girls in bars.
His first pass was based on a wholly unconscious frame of

"hoping to get some action." Which was easily outframed
by girls he met.
Let's consider that he did some work on his beliefs, and has
a solid belief that "girls find him interesting."
So he goes to a club, and talks to a few girls. He has a much

easier time, but for some reason, whenever he talks to
girls that are with their friends, he feels as if they are
watching and judging them. After all, watching a guy
struggle when trying to pick up girls may be considered
interesting to some, which of course satisfies and validates
his belief of "girls find me interesting."
So while he's definitely made improvements in his beliefs

and abilities when talking to girls, he still melts under the
pressure of social attention.
His next step is to imagine a time in his future, when he's

got a gorgeous, supportive girlfriend who helps him
succeed in life. Everywhere he goes with her, people look
and admire him. People ask him how he got such an
awesome lady. Both guys and girls give him social approval
98
and recognition because of his relationship.
(Remember, this is just a mental exercise. This is not a

recommendation to do ANYTHING based solely on social
status. This is just a mind trick to help overcome any short
term negative social pressure that may get in the way.)
So after choosing a clear, long term goal, with some

positive feelings of positive social recognition mixed in, he
goes back out. This time, it's easy to talk to girls in groups,
because every interaction is built within a larger frame that
will end with him getting social status. This will naturally
counteract any feelings of negative social status along the
way.
99
Your ability to be flexible with the meaning you give to

"events" in the world can be a great asset to being able to
dominate the frame in any situation.
Reframing is simply the idea of taking an existing meaning,

and then changing to a better meaning.
This is a skill you can practice in many different ways, and

the more you practice, the easier it will be to do this "on the
fly" whenever you're in a situation. No matter how much
you plan, how strong and well defined your goals are, you
will find yourself in situations where you suddenly feel at
the mercy of others, or at the mercy of events. Being able
to reframe things in the moment is a powerful skill to have.
Remember the story of the farmer and his two sons. Every
time something happened, his neighbors were quick to
point out whether it was good or bad. The farmer, knowing
how quickly things change, simply held off any judgment.
In that story, the meaning changed on its own based on

the unfolding of events. But when you practice reframing,
you'll be able to change the meaning of events. Meaning
that is either given by you or others. This will happen as an
unfolding of your understanding of yourself, and your
truth.
One thing is very important to understand, and that is that

all meaning exists in the mind. There can be any number of
meanings to a certain event. The meaning you decide to
100
give to any event is only up to you, and nobody else. And

often times these are events that won't impact you
themselves. Rather, the meaning you give to them will
have a lasting impact on you.
For example, let's say you're walking down the street, and
you see a hot dog vendor about twenty meters away. You
imagine how good a hot dog will taste. You walk up, reach
into your wallet, and the hot dog vendor looks at you and
days, "I'm sorry, no more hot dogs."
What does this mean?
Does it mean that you always show up too late?
Does it mean that the hot dog vendor doesn't like you and
is lying to you?
Does it mean everybody is watching you try to get

something and fail, and secretly laughing at you?
Or does it mean now that you're hunger is sufficiently fired

up, you can look for something even better?
Or does it mean that the universe is secretly conspiring to

keep you healthy?
Or does it mean the hot dog vendor is really impressed with

your presence and is embarrassed at his low quality hot
dogs?
Now, it may seem silly to give meanings that don't have a

high probability of being true. But why not? It's not like the
101
reality police are going to show up and question your

interpretation of events.
After all, it's your mind. It's your decision on what ideas,
thoughts, and beliefs to hold. And when it comes down to
it, any meaning you give can only be a slight
approximation for what's really going on anyway. Who
knows why the hot dog vendor says he ran out? Who
knows what kind of person he is, or what movies he's
watched recently, or the attitude of his last ten customers.
By getting into the habit of choosing positive and

resourceful meanings of events, you'll actually change the
way you behave, and change the way other people respond
to you.
Here's a simple example.
Let's say guy one is walking down the street. He smiles at

a girl, and she doesn't smile back. He decides that means
that girls don't find him attractive. This changes his
appearance, so when he smiles at the next girl, his posture
is slightly slumped over, and his facial muscles are little
tighter. And she also refuses to smile back at him. The next
girl he sees, he simply stares at her. She doesn't smile
back. The next girl he looks at angrily. She doesn't smile
back. The next girl he starts screaming at, and she calls the
police.
His subjective interpretation fed back into his behavior,

which affected the events around him.
Now let's say guy number two is walking down the street.
102
He looks at a girl, smiles and she doesn't smile back. He

assumes that means that she's so attracted to him that she
is nervous. So he decides to soften his approach. The next
girl he smiles at a little bit more "kindly" and she smiles
back. Now he's onto something. The next girl he smiles at
and says "Hi!" and she says "Hi!" back to him.
His subjective interpretation fed back into his behaviors,

which affected the events around him.
Forcing yourself to automatically give positive meanings to

events will take time, and practice. But the rewards will be
enormous.
One common presupposition of NLP will come in handy.

And that is people are always doing the best they can,
given their resources. Their resources involve their ability
to react and respond to situations, their skills and
everything else.
For example, if you are walking down the street, and you
are about to step into a crosswalk when a driver suddenly
cuts in front of you, it's very easy to feel angry and
helpless.
It's also very hard to put a positive "spin" on this. It's hard
to think that somebody that just could have killed you has
your best interests in mind.
However, consider that they just didn't know what they

were doing. Again, this can be difficult. There's something
about being a helpless and blameless victim that is
incredibly compelling to most of us.
103
We somehow feel a strange sense of empowerment when

we are in bad situation that is completely not our fault. We
seem to gain strength by pointing out the errors and
misdeeds of others, especially if it helps us feel better
about our own situation.
However, being responsible for and to yourself as much as

you can, whenever you can, is absolutely necessary for
powerful frame control. People with dominant and
attractive frames rarely blame others for their situations.
The astounding charisma and personal magnetism that

come with having a strong and dominant frame will be
vaporized by finger pointing and blame.
Whenever you feel victimized by others, or the world,

avoid taking it personally. Avoid thinking that the person or
the world in general has a personal vendetta against you.
In the driving example above, consider the person simply

didn't see you. Or they saw you, and they miscalculated
the distance. Also consider anything you could have
conceivably done to avoid the situation, such as looking
both ways, or double checking if cars were coming to a stop
before you stepped off the curb.
One of the biggest traps we can fall into, which can easily
lead to victim thinking, is assuming people will do certain
things, or worse, assuming that people should do certain
things.
If you walk into a crosswalk, for example, and don't look

104
both ways because the light is green and you assume that
people will look for pedestrians because they should, you
are actually giving up your power.
By surrendering to the authority of the situation (in this

case assuming people should look for pedestrians) you are
putting a limit on your potential frame control.
In reality, people don't behave the way because they

should. We all behave in a way that we think will get us
what we want, with the least effort possible.
When people behave in ways because of what they should

do, they're really behaving that way because they'd rather
not face the consequences, real or imagined.
To the extent that you can claim one hundred percent

responsibility for your situation, regardless of external
events, you will develop an incredibly strong and
unbreakable frame.
To the extent that you can avoid the trap of victim thinking,
you will develop an unshakeable frame that will mesmerize
and attract others.
You certainly can't control events or other people, but you

can certainly control how you respond to them. Because
feelings of victim hood are so dangerous to frame control,
doing some daily exercises to root this out will be of great
benefit.
Here are some techniques.
105
Daily Review
At the end of the day, look through the events and find any
that made you feel like a victim. Any event where
something "shouldn't" have gone the way it did. Any event
where somebody did something you think they shouldn't
have done, or didn't do something they should have done.
For example, let's say you bought your coworker a cup of

coffee, and they didn't say thank you.
You can start off by saying, "They should have said thank
you, but they didn't."
Then write down the sentence stem:
"Not saying thank you means..."
And then write down several different possible meanings.
The ones that may make you feel bad might be like this:
They don't like me.
They don't respect me.
They don't appreciate me.
Now, ask yourself the following question:
"How would I know if that wasn't true?" And then find

evidence from recent history that contradicts those
assumptions.
106
What evidence suggests that they DO like you?
What evidence suggests that they DO respect you?
What evidence suggests that they do appreciate you?
Next, write down some positive meanings to that event.
Some of them might be like this:
They respect me and they were very busy.
They feel very comfortable with me and don't feel they

need to say "thank you" every single time.
They wanted to say "thank you" but forgot, yet think about
me in positive terms.
They know they felt happy because of me.
Then, simply find evidence in recent history that supports

these.
What evidence can you find that proves they respect you,
even when they are busy?
What evidence can you find that proves they feel

comfortable around you enough to "let their hair down?"
What evidence can you find that proves they think about
you in positive terms?
107
Next, think of yourself, doing the very same thing.

Receiving something from somebody and not saying,
"Thank you."
Specifically, look for times when you received something,

and didn't say thank you, but where you still feel good
about, respect, and appreciate the other person.
Now look at this recent event again with this new

understanding. Play it again, in your mind.
Start from about a minute before the interaction, and recall

to mind the following items:
Times when you've received things and forgot to say

"thank you," but still respected and appreciated the
other person.
Evidence that proves that person respects and

admires you.
Evidence that proves that person feels comfortable

around you.
Then simply replay the event, with those new, positive

meanings in mind. Replay it several times, until it
automatically gives you a good feeling, instead of that
"victim" feeling you felt earlier.
Now, this may sound like a lot of work. But consider these
two situations.
Situation one is when you don't do the exercise, keep your

108
"victim" feeling of "they should have done something that

they didn't." How do you think you'll interact with them
going forward?
Situation two is when you do the exercise, generate some

positive, self-affirming and resourceful feelings based on
the event. Now how do you think you'll interact with them
going forward?
This exercise will take a little bit of time and mental effort.
But it won't take more than five or ten minutes. If you
make a commitment to do this once a day, soon you will
star to see random "events' in a much more positive light.
Those automatic feelings of being a "victim" will quickly

vanish, which will automatically build up your confidence,
charisma and frame.
Imagine that you're on a date with somebody you find

attractive. You've just met, and this is your first date.
Let's imagine two different scenarios. The first scenario is

when several mishaps come up, and your date's "go to"
response is to whine and complain that they never get a
break. Pretty soon your date is in a bad mood, and
complains the world is out to get them.
How do you feel?
Now consider the second alternative. The same mishaps

occur. But each and every time your date responds by
turning it around to something even better. No matter
what happens, your date bounces back with an even better
109
mood, feeling stronger and more confident.
How do you feel?
We humans LOVE people who can bounce back and keep

going. We LOVE underdog stories for this reason. Few
people like to hang out with the guy in the dark corner of
the bar who feels beaten down by life.
We love the guy or girl who rolls with the punches and
turns them into opportunities.
You can be that guy or girl, and consistently doing these

simple exercises will go a long ways in making that
happen.
110
So far we've talked about two key concepts, reframing,

and outframing.
They are both very similar, however they are best applied
to different situations. Naturally, there are no absolutes
here since we are dealing with human perception of a
reality that is always in flux, but there are some guidelines
that will help.
Reframing is taking an existing meaning, and redefining

the elements to better suit your purpose. The girl didn't
look at you because she doesn't like you, she didnt look at
you because she was so attracted to you it made her
nervous. That red light doesn't mean you are going to be
late, it means you now have an extra three or four minutes
to mentally prepare for wherever you're going. Your date
standing you up doesn't mean you'll be forever lonely, it
means that you have a chance to build up your skills in
dealing with unforeseen situations.
These are perfect examples of healthy reframes. Notice

what they all have in common? In each one of them, you
are reframing a meaning that you've given to the situation
yourself. Your instinct was to give a negative meaning, and
by reframing, you can easily give a more positive meaning.
As discussed in the last section, with continued practice,
this will become more natural and automatic. And as we
also discussed in the last section, there is nothing really
between you and the world. You, and the world, are not
two separate and independent entities. You are always
111
interacting with the world, and the world is always having

an impact on you. By practicing these reframes, you'll soon
be more apt to come up with positive spins in the moment,
which will affect your behavior, which will affect your
outcome as you continuously interact with the world.
When Reframes Can Hurt
The times when your quickly growing reframing skills

might not come in handy are when you try and reframe
other people's meanings rather than your own. Of course,
you can reframe meanings of others with tremendous
results, but it can just as easily backfire and produce the
opposite of what you'd intended.
Let's say you see an interesting person. Your frame is a

conversation that will lead to an exchange of names and
contact information. Their frame is for you to leave them
alone. Try as you might, every attempt at reframing only
digs a deeper hole for yourself.
"I'm not interested in meeting anybody right now."
"That's because you haven't met me yet! What's your

number?"
"I'm really busy right now, I don't mean to be rude."
"Well, you'll forget all those plans when you find out what a
wonderful person I am!"
"I'm sure you are, but I really need to get going."
112
"That only person that's going anywhere is me, right into

your heart, baby."
"Help!"
As you can see, getting into "frame battles" with others

may be fun, may be good for the ego (if you win by brute
force) but usually doesn't get what you want.
A much better approach, as discussed previously, is

outframing.
Reframing is kind of like a logical argument. You are

changing the content of somebody else's (or your own)
frame.
A red light isn't something that hurts, it's something that

helps.
Rain isn't bad for kids, it's good for farmers.
The cable going out isn't a terrible thing, it's a great way to
catch up on your reading.
But as you can imagine, reframing your own meanings is

pretty easy. Reframing the meanings that others have
given is much more difficult, and potentially combative and
disrespectful. Remember, the ideal way to maintain frame
dominance is in a way that everybody wins.
So what is outframing?
Outframing is when you simply make the size of your

113
frame bigger than theirs, and make sure their meaning,

and their frame is intact, just that it's intact within your
larger, more dominant frame.
As youve already learned, people will naturally gravitate to

stronger frames. So the idea with outframing is to let them
keep their own frame, and surround it with your bigger,
stronger frame, and just let them, on their own, choose to
remain in your frame. Then they can either keep their
frame, or discard it. Either way is fine.
We touched on this earlier when we referred to how to deal

with frame tests. This is when you acknowledge what
they've said; acknowledge the energy of their frame, while
still maintaining your frame.
Let's look at some examples.
Example One.
You walk up to a person you think might make a good

romantic partner. Your frame is to talk to them and see if
you find their personality interesting, and let them "feel"
your personality to see if they find your personality
interesting. You walk up and start a conversation, and they
say, "I'm already with somebody," in one way or another.
You could try reframing, and try and argue with them,
question their relationship, or try and demonstrate why
you're a better partner.
Or you could simply acknowledge their relationship status,

validate and amplify it. And then continue with your frame
114
of measuring their personality, and demonstrating yours.
There's no pressure, you talk to each other, and pretty

soon this person is attracted to you for some strange
reason. Pretty soon they are calling you (after having that
discussion with their significant other that it's time to see
other people). They've maintained their frame, while
naturally melting into yours.
Example Two
You walk into your bosss office with the intention of

making your case for a promotion and a raise. Your frame
is to give the best presentation possible, and make your
boss an offer he can't refuse. You start talking, and when
he figures out where you're going, he tells you that there's
no money in the budget, and he doesn't have the authority
to give you a raise.
You could argue with him, try and convince him that giving
you a raise will bring in more money, which will expand the
budget. Or, you could simply acknowledge the low budget,
and the no money situation. Then simply go on with your
presentation. You are basically saying, "Yes, I know there's
no money. Yes, I know you don't have the authority. And,
this is why it's in the companys best interest to give me a
raise."
You go on with your presentation, and leave. A day or two

passes, and he decides that you're right. He decides, on his
own (thus maintaining his own frame) to figure out a way
to give you a raise.
115
Example Three
(Very risky! Please be sure you fully know what you're

doing when you try this.)
You're on the couch, making out with your girlfriend. She

says she's not ready for sex. If you were attempting to
reframe her, you would argue that sex isn't such a big deal,
or many people have sex on the second or third date, or
whatever.
Or you could outframe by simply agreeing with her. Agree

that waiting for the right time is a good idea. Agree that
sex is a very big step, and everybody should take more
time considering it before doing it. Then simply go back to
what you were doing. To be sure, you'll only have sex when
she decides she's ready. But you may be surprised when
that happens a lot quicker with outframing compared to
reframing.
Example Four
You and your date are going out to dinner. She wants
Chinese, you want Mexican. You sense a fight coming. She
makes her case about Chinese food. You could argue that
Mexican is better, it's cheaper, it's closer, which could
simply make her dig in more.
Or you could simply acknowledge everything she's said,

and then simply respond with, "I know you want Chinese
food. And I really, really want Mexican food. I really love
Mexican food. When I eat Mexican food I am really, really
happy."
116
Notice you're not saying anything about Mexican food vs.

Chinese food. Notice you're not saying anything about
Chinese food at all. You're only holding your frame about
your desire and intention to eat Mexican food.
This is a very simple and very powerful tactic. Whenever

you are in a disagreement with somebody, the basic
strategy is to just say, "I know you want X, and I want Y."
When you say "I know you want X," be as honest and open
and understanding as possible. When you transition with
the "and" (not "but"), be sure you are shifting to a
completely different thought. Then express "I want Y," with
total sincerity and congruence. When you express "You
want Y, and "I want X" as two totally equal and separate
thoughts, they will eventually "give in."
Why?
Consider this. We all have frames, and all of our frames

have content. The true desire to do anything is based on
our affinity for the content COMBINED with the strength of
our frame.
Meaning somebody may LOVE Chinese food, but at the

moment, theyre a bit wishy-washy about eating it. They
may not be in love with Mexican food, but if somebody has
an ultra-strong frame about it, something amazing will
happen.
Consider these frame components. Say their affinity for

Chinese food is X. And the strength of their current frame is
117
Y.
Their affinity for Mexican food is X1. And the strength of

your frame for eating Mexican food is Y1.
So long as their total frame+content value for Chinese food

(X+Y) is greater than their affinity for Mexican food, plus
your frame strength for Mexican food (X1+Y1), theyll still
want to Chinese food.
But if you have a sufficiently strong frame, then your frame

strength, plus their affinity for Mexican food will be
GREATER than their affinity for Chinese plus their frame
strength.
X1 + Y1 > X + Y
Let's put this another way. Even though they don't really
love Mexican food, they'll be eating with somebody with a
hugely strong frame when it comes to choosing Mexican
food for dinner. This will give them a more overall
rewarding experience than eating Chinese food with a
wishy-washy frame of choosing Chinese food.
Put even more simply, the strength of a frame, regardless

of its content, will almost always override another weaker
frame, regardless of its content.
This is a very important concept. Our conscious minds tend

to be drawn toward and focus on content.
But in reality, we are motivated much more powerfully by

structure, which operates on a subconscious level.
118
The frame, and the strength of the frame is the structure.

That which the frame is all about (in this case Chinese vs.
Mexican) is the content.
Humans LOVE to be with somebody that has a strong,

congruent frame. With a strong enough and congruent
enough frame, the actual content won't really matter.
This means that whatever your content is, (going to a

Mexican restaurant, getting his or her phone number,
collecting contact info for potential clients) so long as you
have a strong enough frame, people will gladly melt right
into it.
Not only that, but when you practice outframing, when

people do melt into your frame, they'll be doing it for their
own reasons.
Because in addition to eagerly falling into strong frames, it

tends to happen outside of our conscious awareness. We
tend to convince ourselves we are doing it for the content,
rather than the frame.
One powerful example of this is social proof. We know that

social proof is one of the many things that can help create
a massively strong frame.
Example, we see a product that we know everybody has.

It's on TV all the time. It's on all the talk shows. We see the
product, and the frame is pretty much written for us. "This
product is the most popular product in the world, and
everybody loves it."
119
We will buy the product because of the incredibly strong

structure, but we will convince ourselves that we bought
the frame for the content, or the product itself.
Do people wait in line for days to buy the new iPhone

because the features are so much better than every other
smart phone? Does this phone predict the movement of
stock prices? Does it give us X-ray vision?
But ask people waiting in line why they are buying that
phone, and few people will tell the truth.
Few people will say, "Well, I know this phone is basically

the same as every other phone, especially since I only use
my phone for a few apps, but since everybody else is
getting one, I just have to get one. I know it makes no
sense, but I'm in line only because everybody else is. I
don't even know what's different about this phone."
This is a WONDERFUL aspect of human nature. Because

when you do the exercises in this course, and in the
appendix, you will be able to create a magnificently strong
frame around ANY content.
And other people will do all the work convincing

themselves why they want to eagerly melt into your frame.
120
This has likely been a confusing read. Talking about

something that exists on both the conscious and
unconscious level, that is always in flux based on your
current situation, your current state, and even what you
dreamt about last night, is not easy.
This is not like learning to shoot free throws or bake a cake.

You are learning to control your frame which necessarily
requires holding many abstract concepts in mind, and
adjusting them as if they were sliders on a graphic
equalizer.
To make matters even more perplexing, certain situations,

certain stimuli and even random thoughts entering into
your mind can take the whole process and stuff it down into
your unconscious, leaving you wondering what just
happened.
In that regard, there are two key components of frame

control to keep in mind. One is that you've got to keep
frame control in mind. Huh?
You've got consciously keep some idea of your frame in

mind at all times, until you are in that place where
everything just "clicks" and people naturally recognize the
strength of your frame and eagerly melt right into it. You'll
know when this happens. They'll be little resistance in life.
People will look at you differently. Contrary to common
belief, you'll tend to look out across the vast swarms of
humanity not with the mind of an evil scientist bent on
121
world domination, but as a gentle, kind leader who

genuinely wants the best for everybody.
Because by then you'll have had plenty of experiences that

the easiest and most respectful way to maintain
unbreakable frame dominance is to create a large enough
frame that hold your intentions and meanings while
allowing for others to choose to melt into yours, based on
their own subjective criteria.
You'll ditch the idea of being right at the expense of

everybody else. People will want to follow you because
they can maintain their sense of self, their beliefs while
feeling your protection, guidance, and leadership.
The bottom line is that humans are born followers. But we

don't just follow anybody. We follow people who know
where they are going. And know they are going
somewhere wonderful. We follow people who have a belief
in themselves, and don't require us to lose ourselves in the
process.
You can be that person.
Whether you want to rule the world, or simply have a

feeling of natural and kind dominance over anybody you
meet, the exercises, ideas, and principles you've learned
will help you get there.
Think of developing the skills of an ever strong frame as

the same as practicing martial arts. The more you practice,
the better you'll get.
122
Every single interaction you have, every single meaning

you give to an event, every single time you involve yourself
socially is an opportunity to improve your skills.
By committing yourself to doing what it takes to develop an

incredibly strong frame, you will develop one.
And all the wonderful things that comes with it.
123
Questions? Wed love to hear from you. You can contact us

directly, or take part in our Forum discussion with other
members and students of the mind.
Email: support@mindpersuasion.com
Forum: http://mindpersuasion.net
124

Frame Control PDF

Transféré par

Informations du document

Titre original

Copyright

Formats disponibles

Partager ce document

Partager ou intégrer le document

Options de partage

Avez-vous trouvé ce document utile ?

Ce contenu est-il inapproprié ?

Droits d'auteur :

Formats disponibles

Frame Control PDF

Transféré par

Droits d'auteur :

Formats disponibles

George Hutton mindpersuasion.

Firstly, thank you and congratulations for purchasing this

Before we get into definitions of what a frame is, what the

Imagine having a conversation with a friend. You want to

Your friend looks at you, thinks about it, and agrees. No

Consider another situation. You see a person you are

about a minute, you say something like this:

He or she smiles as if that's EXACTLY what they wanted to

A third situation. You're in a tough meeting at work.

When you finish, the room is silent. Everybody else glances

One more situation. You're selling something to somebody.

You finish your sales presentation and describe how this

"Well, I really think this is a good decision for you. Why

None of these situations involve logic. None of these

All of them involve you expressing your opinion. A

Girls or guys will happily give you their numbers. Friends

Not because of logic. Not because of any conscious proof of

Because of your frame.

Consider these questions as you read through this course,

Frame control is very powerful. Without a strong frame,

memorizing the best language patterns, pickup lines, and

Frame is like your underlying energy. Your underlying

But with a weak frame, or a week sense of personal

It can help to think of the relationship between frame and

Trying to force surface structure techniques onto a weak

But a strong team, even without a leader, can perform

Another way to think of it as the frosting and the cake. If

you've got a delicious cake, you don't really need the

However, with a poorly made cake, too salty, or too sweet,

Some spend their lives studying surface structure

But humans aren't cakes. We are wonderfully complex

One way to create a strong frame, and have rock solid

You may try to memorize some sales techniques or pickup

This is the strategy that most salespeople use. This is the

It works. But it has its obvious drawbacks.

It takes a lot of time. It creates a lot of stress. And if you've

If you've ever been in a commissioned sales job, you know

They have employee trainings on a weekly basis. They hire

In this course, we'll be going through Frame Control step

We'll define it and see how it works in several situations.

precisely how to set your mind when going into various

What is a frame? A structural frame is the most important

A beautiful frame around a picture is enough to make even

When we speak of a "frame" in human interactions, we

The frame of any event, as it is happening is very slippery

A reporter who happened to be in the area may frame this

The person being robbed may be terrified, and see this as a

A local politician may frame this as a reason to increase the

All of these people are correct.

So our first definition of a "frame" is any meaning that can

The Frame of any situation is the subjective meaning of

Now, obviously there are going to be many different

But even then her frame, or her meaning of those events,

she originally expected. A harrowing and emotionally

On the other hand, she could develop horrible social

How about the robber? At first, his definition was him

How about the politician? Perhaps he was successful in

This one event, a robbery, could easily be a great event for

In above case, every person involved with the event, and

Only the robber planned for it to happen, and it went

This example illustrates some important points. One is that

Let's take a look at the woman who was robbed. Let's

This first lesson is crucial to understand. Whether you walk