JOHNSONCOUNTYCOMMUNITYCOLLEGEWRITINGCENTER

TheParagraph:Unity,Order(Emphasis),Coherence

Definition

Aparagraphisagroupofcloselyrelatedsentenceswhichdealwithanddevelopone
idea.Thefirstsentenceofaparagraphusuallyintroducestheidea;itiscalledthetopic
sentence.Allwritingofanylengthis,asyouknow,dividedintoparagraphs,andthefirst
lineofanewparagraphisindented.

Structure

Bythestructureofaparagraphismeantthebuildingorcompositionofit.Thedefinition
ofaparagraphindicatesthatthesentencesmustberelated;theymusthaveaparticular
structure.Thisstructureisdeterminedbytherelationshipoftheideas,anditisby
constructingtheparagraphproperlythatyoudeveloptheidea.Todevelopanideaisto
unfoldorrevealit.Forinstance,whensomeoneasksyouhowtodoamathematical
problem,youexplaintheprocessbygivingthestepsinorder.Thelastsentenceofyour
explanationis,ofcourse,thelaststepoftheproblem.Thedevelopmentofanideaina
paragraphfollowsthesameprocedure.Thetopicsentencemayinformthereaderthat
washingacockerspanielisaratherdifficultprocess.Fromthatpointyouproceedinthe
orderinwhichyouwouldifyouwere,infact,washingadog.Thefinalsentenceshould
bringtheparagraphtoacompleteend;thatis,itmustleavethereaderfeelingthatyou
havetoldhimallyouhavetosay.Suchanendingmaybe:Nowthedogiscleanand
shiny,allready,inhisopinion,togooutandrolloverinthedirt.Ifyoufollowthis
methodofdevelopingyouridea,yourparagraphwillbewellorganized.

Notonlywillyourparagraphbewellorganized,itwillhaveoneofthemostimportant
qualitiesofallparagraphs:COHERENCE.Coherencemeansastickingtogether.A
coherentparagraphhasallthesentencessowellarrangedthatnotonecouldbe
interchangedwithanother.Forexample,intheparagraphaboutwashingthecocker
spaniel,youwouldnotputtheinstructionsaboutbrushingthedogaheadofthoseabout
dryinghim.Allfactsfollowinacoherentparagraph.

EverygoodparagraphmusthaveUNITY.Unitymeansoneness.Thatis,aparagraph
mustdealwithonlyoneidea.Intheparagraphaboutwashingacockerspaniel,you
mightfeelthatyoushoulddescribethewayyourdogbehaveswhenyouwashhim;this
descriptionbreakstheunityofyourparagraph.Althoughitmightbeentirelyappropriate
toexplainhowyoucontrolthedoginthebath,thatisnottheplacetotellastoryabout
yourdog.Whenyoufinishyourparagraph,lookitoverandcrossoutanysentencethat
isnotdoingitsworkwhichisdevelopingthetopicsentence.

ThethirdandlastrequirementofawellconstructedparagraphisEMPHASIS.Emphasis
meansforceorstress.Youmayhaveafairlywellorganized,coherent,unified
paragraphthatislackinginemphasis.Themainideaoftheparagraphmustbestressedin
C:\DocumentsandSettings\blove.JCCCEMPLOYEE\Desktop\WritingCenter\PARAGRAPH
HANDOUT_Unity_Order_Coherence.doc
RevisedJanuary18,2005
 2

everysentence.Itmustnotbehiddeninamassofuselessdetailsandunnecessary
explanations.Forinstance,youshouldtellwhatkindofsoapisbestforwashingacocker
spaniel,butyoushouldnotdescribethesoapordiscussthekindsofsoapthatwillnotdo;
suchfactsweakentheemphasisofyourparagraph.Youcanbesurethatyouare
stressingthemainideabykeepingthesamesubjectineverysentence,wheneverthisis
possible.Intheparagraphaboutwashingthecockerspaniel,thesubjectofeachsentence
couldbeyouunderstood.Suchasubjectwouldbebetterthandogbecausetheneach
simplepredicatewouldhavetoomanyhelpingverbs,andtheobjectofallgoodwritingis
toavoidunnecessarywords.Inthiswayyouarelikelytoimprovetheunitybecauseit
willnotbesoeasytogooffthetrack.Youaremuchlesslikelytointroduceunrelated
ideasifyouarenotchangingsubjects.

Detaileddevelopmentisjustasimportantinaparagraphasinawholecomposition
indeed,noessaycanberoundedoutunlessitsparagraphsare.

COMPLETENESS

Poor:
WhyICametoCollege
Mychiefreasonforcomingtocollegewastopreparemyselffora
positionthatwouldallowmetohavealargerincomethanIwouldbelikely
toobtainasahighschoolgraduate.Thereisnoquestionthatcollege
graduatesmakemoremoney.Anotherreasonforcomingtocollegewasto
providemyselfwithaculturalbackgroundthatwouldhelpmetomakea
moresatisfyinguseofmyleisuretime.Athirdreasonforcomingtocollege
wastoincreasemysocialexperience.Gettingalongwithpeopleisimportant,
andcollegeteachesamantobeagoodmixer.

Improved:
WhyICametoCollege
Mychiefreasonforcomingtocollegewastopreparemyselfforaposition
thatwouldallowmetohaveahigherincomethanIwouldbelikelytoobtainasa
highschoolgraduate.Eventhoughsomehighschoolgraduatesmakereasonably
goodwagesthesedays,theireconomicopportunitiesarelimitedintwoways:
withoutacollegedegreetheyarenoteligibleformostofthegoodjobs,and
withoutadegreetheyhavelesschanceofpromotion.Iwanttobeanengineer.IfI
graduatewithanengineeringdegree,Icanexpectwithinfifteenyearsof
graduationtohavearesponsiblepositioninmanagementatasalarybetweeneight
andtwelvethousanddollars.IfIhaveonlyahighschooldiploma,aboutthemost

Icaneventuallyhopeforistobecomeaforemanatfiveorsixthousanddollars.
Thereisnoquestionthatinmyfieldcollegegraduatesmakemoremoney.
Anotherreasonforcomingtocollegewastoprovidemyselfwitha
culturalbackgroundthatwouldhelpmetomakeamoresatisfyinguseofmy
leisuretime.Iwon'tbeanengineer24hoursaday.WhenIcomehomefromthe
plantorofficeIexpecttotakeaninterestinwhatisgoingoninstateandnational
politics.Iexpecttotakeanactivepartincommunityaffairs.Iexpecttoreadgood
books,listentogoodmusic,andengageingoodtalkwithmywifeandfriends.I
willoweittomyself,mywife,andmychildrentoprovidethekindofhome
environmentinwhichtheseinterestsreceiveattention.Byprovidingmewitha
widevarietyofinterests,collegeshouldmakeiteasierformetoescapethe
limitationsofmyjob,nomatterhowinterestingorsignificantthatjobmaybe.
Athirdreasonforcomingtocollegewastoincreasemysocialexperience.
Anengineerworksasmuchwithmenashedoeswithmachines.Hemustknow
howtogetthecooperationofworkmen,howtodealwithlaborleadersand
governmentofficials,howtoexpresshisideastomanagement,howtorepresent
hiscompanyinpublic.Theabilitytomixeasilywithpeopleisthereforeimportant
tohim.Acollegeeducation,bygivinghimfouryearsofintimateassociationwith
peoplefromallpartsofthecountryandfromallwalksoflife,teachesamanto
understandandgetalongwithpeople.

ORDER
1.Atime,orchronological,orderisthenaturalorderofnarrationandiscommonly
usedinexplainingthestepsinaprocess.Eventsarerecordedintheorderinwhichthey
occurfirst,second,next,andsoontothelast.Thusifyouweretellingastoryorgiving
directionsonhowtoreachacertaindesignationorhowtobakeacake,thenaturalorder
wouldbeatimeorder.Hereisanillustration:

WhileIjackedtheforeendofthecarup,andclearedawaythesnowfrom
underit,Danbuiltafireaboutafootinfrontoftheradiatortokeepthecarand
usfromfreezingtodeathandtofurnishlightfortheoperation.Thewheel

correctionwassurprisinglyeasy;wewerereadytoleaveagaininafewminutes.
Thenwediscoveredthatitwouldbemoredifficulttogetoutofthelanethanit
hadbeentogetin.Becauseofthedensityofthetimbertherewasnowayof
turningaroundwithoutseriousriskofgettingstuck,andthewhirlingsnowmade
thevisibilitypooreverywhereexceptdirectlywithinthebeamsoftheheadlights.
Danthereforeverycarefullydirectedmybacking;yetinspiteofthisIbumped
severalsmallpines,whichretaliatedbydumpingtheirburdenofsnowontopof
thecar.ThePlymouthwaslittlemorethanasnowdriftonwheelsbythetimewe
reachedthehighway.

2.Aspaceorderisusefulwhenthewriterwishestoreportwhathesees.Themovement
oftheparagraphthusfollowsthemovementofhiseyes.Thatmovementmusthavesome
continuitywhichareadercanrecognizeandfollow.Itneednotstartatthefarleftand
movesteadilytothefarright,orviceversa,sinceinanyviewanobserver'sgazeislikely
tobedrawnquicklytothemostconspicuousobject.Butthereshouldbesomelogicalor
naturalprogressionfromonedescriptivedetailtothenext.Itmaybeveryconfusingto
flithaphazardlyfromlefttoright,thencentertoleftagain.Noticethatthefollowing
paragraphbeginswiththefrontview,thenmovesright,down,andtotherear.Thisorder
reflectstherelativeconspicuousnessoftheobjectsdescribed.
Iseatedmyselfinthebarberchair,whichwasonlyarickety,straight
backedaffairmadeofbambooplacedonawoodenboxinthecenteroftheroom.
Directlyinfrontofthisthronehungadingy,blurredmirror,suspendedbyropes
fromtheroof.Tomyrightstoodasquaretable,uponwhichrestedthebarber's
onlytoolsapairofclippers,adirtylookingcomb,andarazor.AsIcastmyeyes
downward,Iwassomewhatsurprisedtofindthatthefloorwasstillinitsnatural
statedirt.Italsoshowedevidencethathairhadbeencutherebefore.Inoticed
nowforthefirsttimeanopeningattherear,overwhichapieceofgraymaterial
wasdraped.Evidentlythisarchwayledintothelivingquartersofthebarber.

3.ParticulartoGeneral:Acommonorderinexpositoryparagraphsisfromasuccession
ofparticularstatementstothegeneralstatementorconclusiontowhichtheparticulars

lead.Huxleyusedthisorderwhenhebeganaparagraphbydescribinganexperiment
whichshowsthatchalkcontainslime,relatedasecondexperimenttoshowthatchalk
alsocontainscarbonicacid,andfinallystatedtheconclusionthatchalkiscomposedof
carbonateoflime.Bythisorderthereaderisledtotheconclusionthroughdetailsof
evidenceorillustration.Hencetheorderisoftencalledinductive,fromtheLatinword
meaningto"leadin."Aparagraphsoorganizedwillhavethetopicsentenceatornearthe
end.Noticehowtheauthorofthefollowingparagraphleadsuptohistopicsentence
("Logicisfun").

Ifyouenjoyworkingoutthestrategyofgames,tittactoeorpokeror
chess;ifyouareinterestedinthefrogwhojumpedupthreefeetandfellbacktwo
ingettingoutofawell,orintheflybuzzingbetweenthenosesoftwo
approachingcyclists,orthefarmerwholeftlandtohisthreesons;ifyouhave
beencaptivatedbycodesandciphersorareinterestedincrosswordpuzzles;if
youliketofoolaroundwithnumbers;ifmusicappealstoyoubythesenseofform
whichitexpressesthenyouwillenjoylogic.Yououghttobewarned,perhaps.
Thosewhotakeuplogicgetglassyeyedandabsentminded.Theyjoinafanatical
cult.Buttheyhaveagoodtime.Theirsisoneofthemostdurable,absorbingand
inexpensiveofpleasures.Logicisfun.

4.GeneraltoParticular:Themostpopularorderforexpositoryparagraphsisjustthe
reverseoftheoneabove.Itbeginswithageneralstatement,thenmovestoparticulars
whichexplainorillustrate,orpersuadethereadertoacceptthegeneralization.Thisorder
issimilartotheillustrativepatternfordevelopinganessay.Ineffect,thetopicsentenceat
ornearthebeginningoftheparagraphstatesthepurpose,andthesubsequentsentences
illustrateit.Intheparagraphthatfollows,theboldtopicsentenceisdevelopedbythree
sentences,eachofwhichaddsanillustration.

Beautyisthequalitywhichmakestoendure.InahousethatIknow,I
havenoticedablockofspermacetilyingaboutclosetsandmantelpieces,for
twentyyearstogether,simplybecausethetallowmangaveittheformofarabbit;
and,Isuppose,itmaycontinuetobeluggedaboutunchangedforacentury.Let

anartistscrawlafewlinesorfiguresonthebackofaletter,andthatscrapof
paperisrescuedfromdanger,isputinportfolio,isframedandglazed,and,in
proportiontothebeautyofthelinesdrawn,willbekeptforcenturies.Burns
writesacopyofverses,andsendsthemtoanewspaper,andthehumanracetake
chargeofthemthattheyshallnotperish.
Inthenextparagraphthetopicsentenceisfollowedbythedetailsofevidencewhichspell
outthemeaningofthegeneralstatementthatAmericahasbeengoingsuburban.

Americahasbeengoingsuburban.Thecitymovingoutandthecountry
movinginhavemetandmingledinthisnewmeltingpottheurbanbelt.
AccordingtothelatestUnitedStatescensus,thesuburbanpopulationincreased
approximatelythirtypercentbetween1930and1940,againstlittlemorethan
sevenpercentforthecountryasawhole.Inthedecadebetween1920and1930,
thesuburbsgrewfivetimesfasterthantheruraldistrictsandthreetimesfaster
thanthecitiestheyencompassed.Alreadyfiftyeightpercentofthepeopleinthis
countryliveinmetropolitanareas,withadisproportionatenumberinnineteen
centerssuchasGreaterNewYork,Chicagoland,andGreaterLosAngeles.Small
towns,thetraditionalcitadelsofAmericanprovincialism,havebecomeenveloped
insomemetropolitanareaoranother,andhavebecomecitified.Highway67is
nowtheextensionofMainStreet,andthecornergroceryhasgivenplacetothe
A&P.

TransitionalConnective:
ThestatementthattheGermanpeoplewereultimatelyresponsibleforthe
warisahalftruthwhichencouragesaconvenientoversimplification.Itistrue
thatHitlerwastheconstitutionallyappointedleaderoftheGermannationand
that,despiteindividualprotests,hispolicies,aslongastheyweresuccessful,had
theapproval,oratleasttheacquiescence,oftheGermanvoters.But,intheworld
inwhichwelivenoman,nonationcauseswar.Tofixanyultimateresponsibility
forWorldWarIIwemustgobeyondHitlerandtheNaziideology;wemustlook
beforeMunichandtheinvasionofPoland.Andthefartherwelookthemore

clearlywewillseethattherootsofwarwereworldwide,andthatnonationwas
guiltlessofnourishingthem.
OR

RevisedtoTwoParagraphs:
ThestatementthattheGermanpeoplewereultimatelyresponsibleforthe
warisahalftruthwhichencouragesaconvenientoversimplification.Itistrue
thatHitlerwastheconstitutionallyappointedleaderoftheGermannationand
that,despiteindividualprotests,hispolicies,aslongastheyweresuccessful,had
theapproval,oratleasttheacquiescence,oftheGermanvoters.
But,intheworldinwhichwelivenoman,nonationcauseswar.Tofix
anyultimateresponsibilityforWorldWarIIwemustgobeyondHitlerandthe
Naziideology;wemustlookbeforeMunichandtheinvasionofPoland.Andthe
fartherwelookthemoreclearlywewillseethattherootsofwarwereworld
wide,andthatnonationwasguiltlessofnourishingthem.

5.QuestiontoAnswer,EffecttoCause:Lesscommonthananyoftheorderswehave
consideredsofaristheparagraphthatbeginswithaquestionandmovestowardthe
answer,orbeginswithaneffectandmovestowardthecause.Suchaparagraphusually
hasnoexplicittopicsentence,sincetheanswertothequestionorthecauseoftheeffect
isexplainedbytheparagraphasawhole.Buttheopeningquestion,problem,ordilemma
announcesthepurposeoftheparagraphclearlyifimplicitly.Thefollowingexample
movesfromquestiontoanswer:
Andwheniswaterboiling?Itcanbesaid,withfewpeopletoarguethe
point,thatwaterboilsattwohundredandtwelvedegreesFahrenheit.Myself,I
wouldsaythatwhenitbubbleswithlargeenergeticbubbles,andlooksreadyto
hopfromthekettle,andmakesarockyratherthanamurmuringnoise,andsends
offagreatdealofsteam,itisboiling.

Timeorder
Achainofeventsrecordedintheorderinwhichthey Event1
occurred.Paragraphbeginswiththefirsteventandends
Event2
withthelastone.Usuallynotopicsentence.
Event3,andsoon

Spaceorder
Leftright,frontrear,
Sentencesinparagraphmovefromoneareatothenext
reaupdown,oranylogical
astheseareasareviewed,inturn,bythewriter. movementfromonespaceto
Movementmaybeinanydirectionbutmaybeeasy thenext
Tofollow.Usuallynotopicsentence.

Particulartogeneral(inductive)
Detailsleadingupto
Fromaseriesofexplanatoryorillustrativestatementsto
concludingtopicsentence
theconclusiondrawnfromthem.Topicsentenceator
nearendofparagraph.

Conclusionorgeneral
Generaltoparticular(deductive)
statementfollowedbydetails
Fromgeneralstatementtosupportingdetailswhichexplain,
ofexplanationorproof
illustrateorproveit.Topicsentenceatornearbeginningof
paragraph.

Variation1
Topicsentenceisrestatedasconclusionatendofparagraph.

Variation2
Topicsentenceimpliesqualificationorcontrastwhichrequiresparagraphtodevelopfirstone
phase,thentheotheroftopicsentence.Pointofreversalindicatedbytransitionalconnective:
but,yet,still,ontheotherhand.

Questionanswer,Effectcause
Paragraphbeginswithquestionoreffectthenanswersthe Questionleadstoanswer
questionorshowsthecause.Usuallynotopicsentence. or
Effectleadstocause


UNITY
Poor:
Itisagoodthingthatwelearntospeakaschildren.Ifthelearningwere
postponeduntilwewereadultsmostofuswouldbetoodiscouragedbythe
difficultiestopersevereinthetask."Perhaps,inthatevent,ourpolitical
campaignswouldbeconductedinsignlanguageandourradiobroadcasters
wouldberequiredtolearntheMorsecode."Wetakeachild'slearningtotalkfor

granted,andnotinfrequentlyparentsgrowworriedwhentheirfouryearold
stumblesoverhisconsonantsandbecomessnarledinhissyntax.Yetcompared
withtheintellectualachievementoflearningtotalk,thediscoveryofthetheoryof
relativityisatriflingaccomplishment.
Whatistheparagraphabout?Whatisthetopicsentence?Whatdoyoubelievethewriter
willtellthereader?Inthispoorexamplethewriterhasnotmadeitclearwhyitisgood
thatwelearntospeakwhenwearechildren.Certainly,attheleast,thelasttwosentences
inthisparagraphdonotbelong.

ExercisesinUnity

Theseexerciseswillhelpyoutounderstandtheideaofunity.Eachpassagehasthetopic
sentenceunderlined.Withthatcontrollingideainmindtrytofindtheonesentencethat
hasbeeninsertedthatdoesnotbelongtherebecauseitbreakstheunity.Crossoutthe
sentence.

ExerciseI:

Allthesetales,toldinthatdrowsyundertonewithwhichmentalkinthedark,the
countenancesofthelisteners,onlynowandthenreceivingacasualgleamfromtheglare
ofapipe,sankdeepinthemindofIchabod.Therevelnowgraduallybrokeup.He
repaidtheminkindwithlargeextractsfromhisinvaluableauthor,CottonMather,and
addedmanyfearfulsightswhichhehadseeninhisnightlywalksaboutSleepyHollow.

FromLegendofSleepyHollowbyWashingtonIrving

ExerciseII:

Allthatwasnearlyfiftyyearsago.IfNolanwasthirtythen,hemusthavebeennear
eightywhenhedied.Helookedsixtywhenhewasforty.Butheneverseemedtometo
changeahairafterward.AsIimaginehislifefromwhatIhaveseenandheardofit,he
musthavebeenineverysea,andyetalmostneveronland.Tillhegrewveryold,he
wentaloftagreatdeal.Healwayskeptuphisexercise;andIneverheardthathewasill.
Ifanyothermanwasill,hewasthekindestnurseintheworld,andheknewmorethan
halfthesurgeonsdo.Thesewerethedayswhendiseaseswereaseriousproblemona
longoceanvoyage.Thenifanybodywassickordied,orifthecaptainwantedhimto,or
anyotheroccasion,hewasalwaysreadytoreadprayers.Ihavesaidthatheread
beautifully.

FromManWithoutaCountrybyEdwardEverettHale

 10

ExerciseIII:

EachtimeashipmakesthefiftyonemiletransitofthePanamaCanalfromoceanto
ocean,fiftytwomilliongallonsofwaterarerequiredtoliftitoverthespineofthe
ContinentalDivide.TwoshipsuseaboutwhatthecityofBostondoesinaday,andin
1954thedailyaveragewastwentythreeships.Thelowestroutethesurveyorscouldfind
overthespineofthehemisphererequiredshipstosoarthreehundredandtwelvefeetup.
Togetthiswater,theengineershadtocreate,withthehelpofrainfallandtheturbulent
ChagresRiver,theonehundredandsixtythreesquaremileGatunLake.Itmeantthe
largestearthdameverconceivedatthattime.

FromSevenWondersofAmericanEngineeringbyIraWolfert.

ExerciseIV:

Muchrainfellinthenight;andthenextmorningthereblewabitterwintrywindoutof
thenorthwest,drivingscatteredclouds.ButIwasyoungandspirited,andlikemostlads
thathavebeencountrybred,Ihadagreatopinionofmyshrewdness.Forallthat,and
beforethesunbegantopeeporthelastofthestarshadvanished,Imademywaytothe
sideoftheburn,andhadaplungeinadeepwhirlingpool.Allaglowfrommybath,Isat
downoncemorebesidethefire,whichIhadreplenishedandbegangravelytoconsider
myposition.

FromKidnappedbyRobertLouisStevenson

ExerciseV:

Boyafterboymanagedtogetontheriver.Theministerssonbecameanengineer.The
doctorsandthepostmasterssonsbecamemudclerks;thewholesaleliquordealers
sonbecameabarkeeperonaboat;foursonsofthechiefmerchant,andtwosonsofthe
countyjudge,becamepilots.Pilotwasthegrandestpositionofall.Thepilot,evenin
thosedaysoftrivialwages,hadaprincelysalaryfromahundredandfiftytotwo
hundredandfiftydollarsamonth,andnoboardtopay.Twomonthsofhiswageswould
payapreacherssalaryforayear.Nowsomeofuswereleftdisconsolate.Wecouldnot
getontheriveratleastourparentswouldnotletus.Theambitiontobea
steamboatmanalwaysremained.

FromLifeontheMississippibyMarkTwain.

 11

ExerciseVI:

Itisdifficulttorememberwhatwethoughtofthingsbeforewebegantogrowup.Asa
boyIhadnoclearunderstandingofwhyIwantedtorun.Thesatisfactionwederivefrom
gamesisnoteasytoexplain.Ijustrananywhereandeverywhereneverbecauseitwas
anendinitself,butbecauseitwaseasierformetorunthantowalk.Mywalkwas
ungainly,asthoughIhadspringsinmyknees,Ialwaysfeltimpatienttoseeordo
somethingnew,andrunningsavedtime.

FromFourMinuteMilebyRogerBannister.

ExerciseVII:

Inthefieldsweclearedforcorn,whichwehadgroundatalocalmillforourbread,my

fatherleftcertaintrees,notforshade,butbecausehelikedthem.Inthissamecornfield

wheremymotherandIhoedwhilemyfatherplowed,wenevercutawildrose.Weleft
wildasters,bluecornflowers,wildprimroses,whippoorwillflowers,mountainandoxeye
daisiesinourcornrows.Neithermyfathernormymothereverlookedintoascientific
bookonwildflowers,plants,andtrees.Ourwildflowersgrewwiththecorn.Mom
alwayssaidthebeautyoftheflowerswasasimportanttousasthecornwhichgaveour
bodiesnourishment.Onecouldhardlytellwhetherwewerefarmingcornorwild
flowers.

FromEarthwastheirBookbyJesseStuart.

ExerciseVIII:

Anoverwhelminglightsweptme.Myresolutionwasinstantaneous.Iwoulddothe
same.Iwouldmakemylegsstrongonthefoothills.ThusIstartedmytreksandusedthe
foothillsasoneusesweightsorbarsinagymnasium.Theseearlyhikesputmeon
intimatetermswiththehills.FirstItriedtogoupthehillswithoutstopping.WhenI
conqueredthat,Itriedtogoupwithoutachangeofpace.Whenthatwasachieved,I
practicedgoingupnotonlywithoutachangeofpacebutwhistlingasIwent.

FromOfMenandMountainsbyWilliamO.Douglas

ExerciseIX:

Howdoesinteresthelpontheballfield?Well,forexample,everytimeIstepuptothe
plateinagame,Ibeginaduelofwitswithanotherhumanbeing.Throughbooksone
learnshowstrangely,wisely,oramusinglypeoplecanact.Battingisnotonlyatestof
skill,experience,andphysicalpower.Thepitchersandbatterswhofaceeachotherina
bigleaguegamehavepassedthesephysicaltests.Mysuccessasabatterdependsupon
myabilitytooutthinkthepitcher.Imustknowhowhismindworks,aswellhowhis
pitchingarmworks.
TakenfromBaseballandBooksbyWallyMoon,

 12

ExerciseX:

Iwalkoutalongthefenceline,gatherupmylanterns,andstationthemaroundtheplane.
Fromthelooksoftheweather,itsnotlikelythatIcantakeoffbeforesunrise.IfIdrain
theengineandtiemyDHtothefence,Icanridetotownonthemailtruckandgeta
nightssleep.Butthenitwouldtaketwomen,atleast,tostartuptomorrowmorning,
evenifIpourboilingwaterintotheradiator.OnceaLibertycoolsoff,itsadevilsjob
togetitrunningagain.Thegroundisstartingtofreeze;asharpridgedentsthesoleof
mysheepskinmoccasin.Andyoucantaskhelpfromjustanybodywhocomesalong;it
takestrainingtohandleeitherthrottleorpropeller.Idprobablyhavetophonefora
mechanicfromLambertField.No,Illstaywiththeplane,andstarttheengineevery
twentyminutes.Thatwillkeepitwarm.

FromSpiritofSaintLouisbyCharlesA.Lindbergh.

COHERENCE
Poor:
(1)Iwasacceptedandstartedwork.(2)Myexperiencehadbeenderived
chieflyfrombooks.(3)Iwasnotpreparedforthedifficultperiodofadjustment.
(4)IsoonbecamediscouragedwithmyselfandsodissatisfiedwithmyjobthatI
wasonthepointofquitting.(5)Myemployermusthavesensedthis.(6)Hecalled
meintohisofficeandtalkedtomeaboutthedutiesofmypositionandthe
opportunitiesforadvancement.(7)Irealizedthattherewasnothingwrongwith
meorthejobandIdecidedtostay.

Improved:(Notethattheboldfacedwordshelptoconnecttheideas.)
Iwasaccepted,andstartedtowork.Untilthattimemyexperiencehad
beenderivedchieflyfrombooks,andunfortunatelythosebookshadnotprepared

meforthedifficultperiodofadjustmentthateveryinexperiencedsecretarymust

faceinanewposition.ConsequentlyIsoonbecamesodiscouragedwithmyself
andsodissatisfiedwiththejobthatIwasonthepointofquitting.Ithinkmy
employermusthavesensedthis,forhecalledmeintohisofficeandtalkedtome
bothaboutthedutiesofmypositionandtheopportunitiesitofferedfor
advancement.Thattalkhelpedmeconsiderably.Fromthenon,Irealizedthat
therewasnothingwrongwithmeorthejobthatexperiencecouldnotcure,andI
decidedtostay.

 13

CoherenceThroughPronounReference.Sinceapronounreferstoanantecedent,the
useofapronouninonesentencetopointbacktoanantecedentintheonebeforeisa
simpleandnaturalconnectivedevice.Noticehowthealternatinguseofpronounand
antecedentprovideseffectivetransitionsinthefollowingsentences:
InthehistoryoftheAmericanfilmnoothersinglepersonalityhasso
endearedhimselftotheworldasCharlieChaplin.Hispresenceisasmuchalive
aseverinthethousandsofrevivalsofhiswork.Everygenerationtakeshimtoits
heartanew.Aswithallgreatcharacters,oneseesinChaplinwhatonebringsto
him.

Theuseofpronounsoftenallowsawritertokeephissubjectrunningthroughthe
paragraphwithoutfallingintomonotonousrepetition.Noticehowthisisdoneinthe
followingparagraph,inwhichnominative,possessive,andobjectiveformsofthesame
pronounbindthesentencestogetherbyinconspicuousrepetition.
He was a monster of conceit. Never for one moment did he look at the
world or at people, except in relation to himself. He was not only the most
important person in the world to himself in his own eyes; he was the only person
whoexisted.Hebelievedhimselftobeoneofthegreatestdramatistsintheworld,
one of the greatest thinkers, and one of the greatest composers. To hear him talk,
hewasShakespeare,andBeethoven,andPlatorolledintoone.

TransitionalMarkers.Thesearewordsorphrasesplacedatornearthebeginningofa
sentenceorclausetosignaltothereadertherelationshipbetweenthenewsentenceand
theonebeforeit.Thecommonestofthesemarkersarethesimpleconnectives(and,or,
nor,but,for)whichserveasbridgesoverwhichthereadermayeasilypassfromone
sentenceorclausetothenext.Otherssometimescalledtransitionalconnectives
indicatethedirectionwhichthenewsentenceisabouttotakeandpreparethereaderfor
whatistofollow.Thecommonesttransitionalconnectives
1.introduceanillustration:thus,forexample,forinstance,toillustrate.
2.addanotherphaseofthesameidea:secondly,inthesecondplace,next,
moreover,inaddition,similarly,again,also,finally.

 14

3.pointoutacontrastorqualification:ontheotherhand,nevertheless,despite
thisfact,onthecontrary,still,however.
4.indicateaconclusionorresult:therefore,inconclusion,tosumup,
consequently,asaresult,accordingly,inotherwords.(Amorecompletelistof
transitionsisavailableasahandoutintheJCCCWritingCenter.)

Youhavealreadyseenafewofthesetransitionalmarkersusedintherevisedversionsof
bothfaultyparagraphsdiscussedintheprecedingpages.Hereisanotherillustration:

Suchacontrollingpurpose,ofcourse,limitstheappealofthebook,and
probablythisworkwillhaveagreaterattractionforthelaymanthanforthe
professionalhistorian.Moreover,italwaysrunstheriskofproducingabook
which,becauseofitslackofanyunifyingtheme,ismerelyanotherbookaboutthe
subjectwithwhichitdeals.Thereare,indeed,momentswhenonefeelsthatthe
authorhasnotsufficientlyresistedthetemptationtoaddanotherstorymerely
becauseitisagoodstory,withoutconcerninghimselftoomuchaboutthe
relationshipofthestorytothethemethatheisdeveloping.Thusthechapter
dealingwithStrang'skingdomonBeaverIslandhardlyescapesbeinganeight
pagedigression,sinceithasnootherclaimtobeinganintegralpartofthestory
ofthedevelopmentoftheGreatLakesthanthefactthatBeaverIslandhappened
tobelocatedinLakeMichigan.Thestory,ofcourse,isinteresting,butlikea
cuckooinaseagull'snest,itwouldbemoreathomeinotherquarters.

CoherenceBetweenParagraphs.Wehavebeenthinkingofthesingleparagraphasa
unit.Butitis,ofcourse,onlyoneofseveralunitsinthelargerschemeofthewhole
paper.Justasthereshouldbecoherencewithintheparagraph,sothereshouldbe
coherencebetweenparagraphs.

Thesis:
Myreasonsforcomingtocollegewerethreefold:toimprovemyearningpower,
toprovidemyselfwithaculturalbackgroundthatwouldhelpmetomakea
satisfyinguseofmyleisuretime,andtoincreasemysocialexperience.

 15

TopicSentence1:firstfactorofthesis:
Mychiefreasonforcomingtocollegewastopreparemyselfforaposition
thatwouldallowmetohavealargerincomethanIwouldbelikelyto
obtainasahighschoolgraduate.
TopicSentence2:secondfactorofthesis:
Anotherreasonforcomingtocollegewastoprovidemyselfwitha
culturalbackgroundthatwouldhelpmetomakeamoresatisfyinguseof
myleisuretime.

TopicSentence3:thirdfactorofthesis:

Athirdreasonforcomingtocollegewastoincreasemysocialexperience.
Theclearrelationshipofeachtopicsentencetothethesiscreatestheeffectof
"signposting"eachparagraph,ofinformingthereaderinadvancewhateachisgoingto
do,whatpartofthethesisitisgoingtodevelop.Suchsignpostsservethedoublepurpose
ofsettingoffeachparagraphasastructuralunitoftheessayandofprovidingtransitions
betweenparagraphs.Noticethesignpostsinthenextselection.
Thepoliticianstellus,"Youmusteducatethemassesbecausetheyare
goingtobemasters."Theclergyjoininthecryforeducation,fortheyaffirmthat
thepeoplearedriftingawayfromthechurchandchapelintothebroadest
infidelity.Themanufacturersandthecapitalistsswellthechoruslustily.They
declarethatignorancemakesbadworkmen.Andafewvoicesareliftedupin
favorofthedoctrinethatthemassesshouldbeeducatedbecausetheyaremen
andwomenwithunlimitedcapacitiesforbeing,doing,andsuffering,andthatitis
astruenow,aseveritwas,thatthepeopleperishforlackofknowledge.
Thesemembersoftheminority,withwhomIconfessIhaveagooddealof
sympathy,...questionifitbewisetotellpeoplethatyouwilldoforthem,outof
thefearoftheirpower,whatyouhaveleftundone,solongasyouronlymotive
wascompassionfortheirweaknessandtheirsorrows.Andifignoranceof
everythingwhichitisneedfularulershouldknowislikelytodosomuchharmin
thegoverningclassesofthefuture,whyisit,theyaskreasonablyenough,that

 16

suchignoranceinthegoverningclassesofthepasthadnotbeenviewedwith
equalhorror?
Again,thisskepticalminorityaskstheclergytothinkwhetheritisreally
wantofeducationwhichkeepsthemassesawayfromtheirministrationswhether
themostcompletelyeducatedmenarenotasopentoreproachonthisscoreas
theworkmen;andwhether,perchance,thismaynotindicatethatitisnot
educationwhichliesatthebottomofthismatter?
Oncemore,thesepeople,whomthereisnopleasing,venturetodoubt
whethertheglory,whichrestsuponbeingabletoundersellalltherestofthe
world,isaverysafekindofglorywhetherwemaynotpurchaseittoodear;
especiallyifwealloweducation,whichoughttobedirectedtothemakingofmen,
tobedivertedintoaprocessofmanufacturing.
...takenfromThomasHenryHuxleysALiberalEducation

ExercisesinCoherence

Herearesomeexercisestohelpyoutounderstandtheprocessofdevelopingaparagraph
coherently.Thetopicsentenceisfirstineachexercise.Therestofthesentenceshave
beenprintedoutoftheircorrectorder.Ontheblanksatthesideputthelettersofthe
sentencesintheirproperorder.

_______a. Mitchellmadehisfinalroundsattenoclockthatnight,andWagsseemed
comfortable.

_______b. Itstoodbackfromthestreet,asdidtheotherhousesinthevicinity,andinthe
moonlessnightitlookeddarkandgloomy,atwostoryframebuilding,once
white,andnowadirtygrayagainstitsbackgroundoflowhills.

_______c. Hedecidedtowalkoffhisuneasiness,anditwasahalfhourlaterwhenhe
foundhimselfneartheHuntproperty.

_______d. Itwasunlightedsaveforadimglowfromarearwindowthekitchen,he
thoughtandratheramusedathimself,heturnedinandwentquietlytothe
backofthehouse.

 17

II

_______a. Tomespringwasmarkedthisyearbythereturnofthemaleredwing
blackbirds,whocamebackwitharushamonthago.

_______b. Everywhere,withscarletepauletsflashing,theblackbirdshavebeensinging
anddartingabout,chasingeachother,shootinguplikepinwheels.

_______c. Beforethefemalesarrive,eachmalestakesoutahomestead,andthenwith
spectacularaerobaticsdefendsandholdsasmuchoftheterritoryashecan.

_______d. Almostovernightthedrearstretchesofourwinterswampwerefilledwith
life.

_______e. ItisakindofOklahomalandrush.

III

_______a. Anothergameonhorsebackthattheolderboysplayedwastournament.

_______b. Therunnertakesasharpenedpolethetournamentpoleinhisrighthand
and,holdingitlevel,withthepointoutinfrontofhim,runslicketysplit
downthelineofringstryingtospearthem.

_______c. Threepostsareerectedinalineahundredyardsapart.

_______d. Eachposthasanarmofwoodaboutayardlong.

_______e. Thegamerequiresgreatskill.

_______f. Hangingfromthisarmisametalringabouttwoinchesindiameter.

_______g. Buckwasawonderfullysmoothrunninghorse,andheandItogetherhooked
plentyofrings.

_______h. Itisheldbyaspringclaspsothatitcanbeeasilydisengaged.

IV

_______a. OnthesecondfloorafewdoorswestoftheCallenderandRodineofficewas
theprintingpressandofficeoftheGalesburgRepublicanRegister.

_______b. Asthepaperscameofftheflatbedpress,wetookthemtoatableandfolded
themwiththreemotions.

 18

_______c. Tothisplacewecarrierboyswentassoonasschoolletoutathalfpastthree
intheafternoon.

_______d. Iwasmorethansatisfiedwiththatweeklysilverdollar.

_______e. TheRepublicanRegisterpaidmeonedollaraweek.

_______f. WhenIhadfoldedthefiftyofsixtypapersformyroute,Icountedthemand
tookthemtoamanwhocountedthemagaintomakesuremycountwas
correct,withoneextraformyself.

_______a. Uptothelateeighteennineties,whenFatherwalkedinthefrontdoorofhis
homeandcloseditbehindhim,heshutouttheworld.

_______b. Ifthebellranglateatnight,Fatherlookedoutofthewindowtoseewhoit
was.

_______c. Hethoughtnothingofthishomeshadalwaysbeenshutoffsincemen
beganbuildingthem.

_______d. Therewasnowayforanybodytogetatusexceptbyclimbingupthefront
stoopandringingthebell.

_______e. Telephoneshadbeeninvented,butlikemostpeople,hehadntinstalledone.

VI

_______a. WhenIconsiderhowmuchtimeittooktokeepIT(amodelT)running,I

wonderiftherewastimeforanythingelse.

_______b. Itmagnifiedsomeofmyfaultsandcorrectedothers.

_______c. TheModelTwasnotacarasweknowthemnowitwasaperson,
crotchetyandmean,fullofjokesjustwhenyouwerereadytokillyourself,
itwouldrunfivemileswithnogasolinewhatever.

_______d. Itworkedonthesinofpatienceanddestroyedthesinofvanity.

_______e. IthelpedtoestablishanalmostOrientalphilosophyofacceptance.

_______f. IunderstoodIT,butasIsaidbefore,ITunderstoodme,too.

 19

VII

_______a. Veryfewconceptsareentirelyoriginal.

_______b. Manyofthemarewideopentomodernapplication,andtheexplorationof
oldconceptswithnewtoolsoffersoneofthemostinvitingfrontiersof
research.

_______c. Mostideasaremucholderthanthat.

_______d. CharlesF.KetteringofGeneralMotorssayshehasneveryethadanideathat
wasnotatleasttwentyyearsold.

VIII

_______a. GeneralElectricscientistsdiscoveredinafifteenyearstudyoflightningthat
theEmpireStateBuildingwasliterallystealingthecitysthunder.

_______b. Initsvastheight,theEmpireStateBuildingcollectssomuchelectrical
chargefromthegroundthatthechargeintheairattractsit.

_______c. Eightypercentofthelightningthereisborntoflyupwardmutely.

_______d. Sincelightningthatboltsupwardcreatesnothunder,NewYorkersare
relativelyunaccustomedtoitssound.

_______e. Lightningiscausedbythecollectingonthegroundofanelectricalcharge
greatenoughtoattractthefargreaterchargeintheairandmakeitcometoa
point.

_______f. Theresultislightningthatmovesinreverse.

IX

_______a. InthebaggagecaryoungEdisonhadsetupachemicallaboratoryinwhich
heconductedscientificexperiments.

_______b. Afterthetraincrewhadbroughttheflamesundercontrol,Edisonandhis
paraphernaliaweredumpedatthefirstcrossroad.

_______c. Itignitednewspapersandotherflammableoddsandends.

_______d. ThatwastheendofhiscareerontheGrandTracksystem.

_______e. Oneafternoon,asthetrainlurchedoveraroughstretchoftrack,ajarof
highlycombustiblematerialbrokeonthefloor.

 20

_______a. Fewinsectsarefonderofthesunthanants.

_______b. Ihavewatchedthemsystematicallycleartheirbackyardsofshrubbery,
plants,andleaves.

_______c. Finallyanylowlyingvegetationthatthreatenstoblockoutthesunsrays
fromtheirpathsmaybeliquidatedbychargesofformicacidaimedatthe
baseoftheplants.

_______d. Theywillgotogreatpainstobringasmuchsunlightaspossibletotheirlittle
worlds.

_______e. Thestemsofannoyingplansorweedsareliterallychewedoffverycloseto
theground.


ExerciseinEmphasis

Studythefollowingpairsofparagraphs.Thefirstoneappearsastheauthorwroteit.The
secondhasbeenrewordedtoappearasitmightifithadbeenwrittenbyabeginning
studentincomposition.Explainhowtheemphasisofthesecondversionhasbeen
weakenedordestroyed.Noticecarefullyhowthelessimportantideashavebeenjoined
intothesentencesinthebetterversion.

ExampleI:

Althoughhewasthenonlytwentythree,EdisonwasknownastheOldMantohis
employees.Therewasanodd,raffishmaturityabouthim.Heavyset,withsharpgray
blueeyesbeneathheavybrowsandanextraordinarilybroadforehead,heshuffled
aroundhisshopinrumpled,greasestainedclothes,lookingmorelikeawaywardtramp
thanarisingyoungmanufacturer.Oneapplicantwhoinspectedtheplaceandthen
decidednottoworkforEdisonsaidlater,Itstruckmethateveryoneintheshop
includingthebossactedsortofcrazy.

FromIncandescentGeniusbyC.B.Wall.

Edisonwasthenonlytwentythree.HewasknownastheOldMantohisemployees.
Therewasanodd,raffishmaturityabouthim.Hewasheavyset.Hehadgrayblueeyes
beneathheavybrowsandanextraordinarilybroadforehead.Heshuffledaroundhisshop
inrumpled,greasestainedclothes,lookingmorelikeawaywardtrampthanarising
youngmanufacturer.Oneapplicantinspectedtheshopanddecidednottoworkfor
Edison.Hesaidlater,Itstruckmethateveryoneintheshopincludingthebossacted
sortofcrazy.

 21

ExampleII:

Aguard,sittingneartheelevators,madeasiftostartinmydirectiontofindoutwhom
andwhatIwanted,whenoneoftheelevatorscamedownandagroupofmenhustledout.
Thereweretwomen,evidentlyStateDepartmentescorts,neatlycladingray,double
breastedsuits,withthreeothermenwalkingwiththem.Thethreemenstruckmeasa
littleodd;theyworelongblackcloaks,bigslouchhatswithwidebrimspulleddownover
theirfaces,andcarriedportfolios.Theylookedforalltheworldlikecartoon
representationsofcloakanddaggerspies.Isupposedthattheyweresomesortof
foreigndiplomats,andastheywerecomingdirectlytowardme,Istoodmyground,
determinedtoseewhotheywere.

FromSir!byDavidGrinnell.

Aguardwassittingneartheelevators.Hemadeasiftostartinmydirectiontofindout
whomandwhatIwanted.Oneoftheelevatorscamedown.Agroupofmenhustledout.
Thereweretwomen,evidentlyStateDepartmentescorts.Theywereneatlycladingray,
doublebreastedsuits.Threeothermenwerewalkingwiththem.Thethreemenstruck
measalittleodd;theyworelongblackcloaksandbigslouchhats.Thehatshadwide
brims.Thesewerepulleddownovertheirfaces.Theylookedforalltheworldlike
cartoonrepresentationsofcloakanddaggerspies.Isupposedthattheyweresomesort
offoreigndiplomats.Theywerecomingdirectlytowardme.Istoodmyground.Iwas
determinedtoseewhotheywere.

ExampleIII:

Thingscametoaclimaxformewithatauntandachallengefromanotherboy,which
involvedmeinmyfirstmajorsportingevent.Hewastheclasssbruiser,knowntotake
lessonsinboxing,whichleftmeatahopelessdisadvantage.Luckily,thefighttookplace
inthegymunderofficialconditionsandwasstoppedbeforeIwasdamagedtoomuch.I
crepthomethatday,notsomuchhurtbythepunishmentasbytheshameofbeing
beaten.Inevertoldmyparents.

FromFourMinuteMilebyRogerBannister.

Thingscametoaclimaxformewithatauntandachallengefromanotherboy.These
involvedmeinmyfirstmajorsportingevent.Hewastheclasssbruiser.Hewasknown
totakelessonsinboxing.Theseleftmeatahopelessdisadvantage.Luckily,thefight
tookplaceinthegymunderofficialconditionsandwasstoppedbeforeIwasdamaged
toomuch.Icrepthomethatday,notsomuchhurtbythepunishmentasbytheshameof
beingbeaten.Inevertoldmyparents.

 22

ExampleIV:

EddieBarneslookedatthehugeAdirondackhills,browninginthestrongsummer
afternoonsun.HelistenedtohisbrotherLawrencepracticefingerexercisesonthe
pianoinsidethehouse,onetwothreefourfive,onetwothreefourfive,andlongedforNew
York.Helayonhisstomachinthelonggrassofthefrontlawnanddelicatelypeeledhis
sunburnednose.Sadly,heregardedagrasshopper,stupidwithsun,waveringona
bleachedbladeofgrassinfrontofhisnose.Withoutinterest,heputouthishandand
capturedit.

FromStrawberryIceCreamSodabyIrwinShaw.

EddieBarneslookedatthehugeAdirondackhills.Theywerebrowninthestrong
summerafternoonsun.HelistenedtohisbrotherLawrencepracticefingerexerciseson
thepianoinsidethehouse,onetwothreefourfive,onetwothreefourfive.Eddielongedfor
NewYork.Helayonhisstomachinthelonggrassofthefrontlawnanddelicately
peeledhisnose.Itwassunburned.Sadly,heregardedagrasshopper.Itwasstupidwith
sun.Itwaveredonableachedbladeofgrassinfrontofhisnose.Withoutinterest,heput
outhishandandcapturedit.