What am I missing?

If anyone was to ask what do I believe in? Who do I believe in? I would quickly
respond, “God”. Why, because that’s my natural answer & almost half the world’s
natural answer. My upbringing was in that environment, I was raised around people
who had strong beliefs & understandings with and of God. I never disagreed with
their beliefs because it’s also what I believed in.

When I was younger, I believe I had a stronger belief in God. I opened myself up to
him and allowed him to use me in whatsoever way he pleased. As I began to grow
and ventured out into the world my mind became distracted and open, being filled
with various other things prior to what I knew. Never did I explore but I did,
however, given myself options to what may or may not be “the truth”.

I believe God’s power runs predominantly overall; reason being is simply because
without him, our existence could not occur, but who’s to say my belief is correct or
has any truth in it. No one, because no one knows whats beyond the mortal world;
no one can explore the spirtual world.

As a young teen, I always had disbelief in compromising with God. In my opinion,

compromising with God, only results in an unbalanced receival of blessings God
hands out daily. For example, a man is in dyier need of a job but unable to get the
job because he lacks qualifications needed. Upset and disappointed the man prays
to God asking to give for a take, saying he would “promise” to stop doing this or
that in return he would receive the job. Days after, the man’s prayer was answered
but forgets all about the promise made to God; leaving the other end of the rope
undone. I believe that God does see through a “white lie” & he does know what the
future holds but he gives you the option to choose the path to take & how to use his
powers for your will being, in return for praise.

We have all heard or read Matthew 17:20, “And Jesus said unto them, Because of
your unbelief: for verily I say unto you, If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed,
ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall
remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you.” Ive come to the understanding
that everyones faith varies. We all have our different views on life & religion.

My views sometimes confuse the people I love, causing them to wonder if I have
faith at all. I do have faith; it may not be as much as the one you possess but it’s
enough to obtain mercy from God. God sees something in me no man can
understand and so He chooses to deal with me differently. For every thought that
flows thru my head, God has already proccesed it out in His, making paths &
opening doors.

I find it hard to step out of God’s way for him to fight battles, not because I rather
fight them on my own but because I don’t know when the right time is to do so.
What has always confused me throughout my life is the saying “let go and let God”.
As a mortal, I make myself avaiable for God to work with and thru me. If a man does
not start of the job God can not finish it because it trails an trublations are made for
you to go thru, so determining when my work is done & to let God handle the rest is
a challenge.

I am only human and yes we do know right from wrong and have been taught the
ways of life thru Christ but only God can see a pure heart which truly desires Him. I
hope one day, I will better understand my spiritually yearning for God and be able
to open my soul freely to Him. Each man stands alone with God; we have to know
Him for ourselves. So what am I missing? Why do I still feel empty?